Intro.
Of course it was a dream, you silly prick
Oh shit.
Mum.
Oh, hello love.
How's your Paul getting on?
Not too bad.
Bless him.
And Norman?
Usual.
Can't stay.
I'm late for work.
She's always late that one.
Ah leave her alone will you woman.
She's got enouigh on her plate without you sticking your oar in.
God.
Oh shut up.
Morning.
Is there ought in there for me?
It's all for your lad again.
Doesn't give up, does he?
No surprises there then.
- At least he keeps you in a job. - Indeed.
Work hard in the middle.
- Jesus. - Sorry mate.
Didn't do it on purpose like.
What's up Ando?
You out on the piss again last night?
Aye, keep your friggin gob shut mate.
You'll get me hung.
Knew it.
I feel rough as a dog.
Oy!
When you've finished talking to your girlfriend.
Ssssh!
Alright Brian?
Are you gonna get any work done?
Aye.
I know it's only voluntary but there's plenty of work to be done you know.
Aye, nay bother Brian, I'm on me way.
Good lad.
Alright boys, let's go. Keep it moving.
Inaudible chat to pigeons.
Right.
I'll give you a course of painkillers and a two week sick note.
if you don't feel any better after that.
Come back..
and I'll take another look at ya.
OK?
Yep.
Alright.
Thanks doc.
Right.
There you go.
Did you tell your dad tea's ready?
No.
Oh.
Here he is.
Thought i'd,
fetch you these.
You did, did ya?
Want a round of applause as well do ya?
How longs your back gonna be out this time eh?
The doctor said two weeks.
Is that Alright with you?
Yeah.
We've got a sew spuds to see us through.
You know you can't do right for doing wrong in this bloody house.
Mum.
Don't listen to him.
Why?
You know what he's like.
Are you ok?
No wait.
There you go.
Clockwise.
Oh he's a bugger, he's a bugger.
Hello lad.
Cheers mum.
It's a waste of bloody time if you ask me.
Yeah well, nobody did.
What do you want me to do dad? Eh?
Just sit here like a cabbage?
Well whose gonna give you a job?
You can't even speak properly.
Nevermind him.
Just you concentrate on what you're doing eh.
How the hell can I mum?
He's doing me head in.
Norman,
clear off!
Go on, bugger off!
You're doing him no favours you know.
Filling his head with all this shite.
Shite eh?
Yeah shite.
'Cos come on tell me..
..tell me, what good has it done him so far?
Just leave it mum.
You're wasting your breath.
If..
..you're gonna go out.
For God sakes go!
GO!
Ignorant.
Barstard!
I've had enough of this.
As soon as I can..
..I'm moving out!
So sorry son, I'm so sorry.
Are you gonna take that stupid jumper off or what?
Aye it is a bit shit mate,
it is shit though in it?
..looks like one of me sisters.
Or perhaps you bought especially for dancing with Steve?
Ahh you cheeky get
Anyway when are you gonna stop drinking you bloody cripple?
Aye, I might be a cripple..
..but I can still hold a pint.
We'll see about that then. mate
Come on.
Oh here we go.
Right then.
You'll love this.
What you up to?
Man you twat
Inaudible banter.
Here we go.
Aye, don't look at me mate, nothing to do with me.
More inaudible banter.
Tell 'em, tell 'em
Let's see if you can hold a flaming pint now then shall we?
Right ok, here we go.
Brake test uurrrgh!
Steady on you twat..
..I nearly ended up on my arse man!
I am gagging for a piss.
- Oh tie a knot in in man. -Oh
Hello lads.
Hiya.
Where have you been?
Oh er..
..church.
Aye we've been praying for him to walk again..
..but it's not been working.
Would he like a sweet?
Well ask him.
Oh sorry.
Would you like a sweet?
Aye.
And I'll have a fag as well.
Oh aye.
A fag?
- Aye - He don't smoke does he?
Oh I try and get him to stop Ethel.
Like a chimney.
Honestly.
It helps calm me nerves.
Aye, aye.
Chain smoker's what he is.
And I'll have a..
..beer As well.
- Actually I'll have a beer As well if you've got two? - A beer?
No he doesn't drink As well?
With his condition?
All the time.
- I try and get him to stop. - Like a fish.
Oh I tell you what..
..he's a bugger for them strippers As well mind.
Have you got a stripper in that bag?
With big boobs?
Aye that's a point..
He does prefer them curvier.
He's not too fussy.
Oh my God!
This is terrible..
I don't want to hear anymore.
I'll be speaking to your mum about this.
Honestly.
Bye grandma.
And don't you grandma me!
Oh man, I'm gonna wet myself.
Hiya mam.
Sweetheart
What's he done now?
Bugger's only gone and signed off for another week.
I don't know where he thinks everything comes from..
he doesn't bring in a bloody penny..
He thinks it all comes from his allotment.
A few spuds.
He's a lazy git, that's his problem.
Have..
have you ever..
thought about..
about leaving him?
Many a time.
Why?
Nought.
It's just..
I've been offered that council flat.
Are you gonna take it?
I've been thinking about it.
Have you been to see it yet?
I..
I don't care how it looks.
Why don't you move in with me?
What if I don't?
I suppose I'd have to get a carer.
Is that you Ian?
Thought you'd forgotten.
Aye, sorry Mrs H, got side-tracked.
Good morning.
Morning.
All for Paul again.
Hope there's some good luck in amongst that lot for him.
Cya.
Right..
what wants doing?
You can start by loading those into the van..
If you don't mind?
Righty oh.
How's your mum this morning?
- Alright is she? - Oh aye.
Fine.
And how's his Lordship?
He's getting ready in the lounge.
Takes forever.
You're telling me.
Mum!
Ah son!
You gonna give me a hand?
You're in a right pickle!
Lean forward.
Right, you're putting weight on.
Alright.
Hand.
Collar.
Oh the heck!
What are you thinking about!
Alright.
Mum.
I've been thinking.
Having second thoughts are ya?
No.
I hope he'd understand.
There's nothing we can do about that now.
It's up to him.
Isn't it?
Aye.
I suppose you're right.
Right.
We all set?
Aye.
On.. onwards and upwards.. eh?
Come on then.
Just you lot then?
Precious cargo eh?
Arms under his elbows, here we go.
- Ready? - Yeah
Three.
Two.
One.
Let's get you in there
You in mate?
Yeah aye.
Come on.
Carriage awaits.
Oooopppllaa
Cheeky bugger!
Just helping Mrs H.
Did you just touch my mam's arse?
Aye.
Been wanting to do that since I were twelve.
Is the electric on?
First things first, let's get the kettle on.
It's not flaming on.
Ah it don't matter
I'll get on to 'em.
get him in.
- Ow! - Give him a shove!
I'm making a hole.
Break the house man!
Get him in!
Tip us off me chair!
Oh shit!
Language!
Alice!
Dear Norman, enough is enough..
there is no future for us together..
so Paul and I have taken our own flat..
do not follow us..
enjoy your life alone with your pigeons..
and your darts..
Alice.
Where's your mother?
She.. she's at Bingo.
Why didn't she say ought?
She did.
Plenty of times.
You just didn't listen.
Look, your home..
Is in Dundee street with me and your mother.
Not anymore it's not..
besides, it never felt like home.
You made damn sure of that.
Who's paying for this place anyway eh?
Your mother?
No..
I.. I am
You?
Aye well we'll see how long that lasts shall we eh?
She's only here because of you, you know.
I didn't force her to come.
Oh come on..
She's not gonna let you fend for yourself is she?
And be careful what you leave behind next time.
Finally seen sense have you?
What?
You think I'm here to see if you'd take me back?
I wouldn't take you back if your arse was decked in diamonds.
Then what are you here for then woman?
To set you straight.
Why don't you take a long hard look at yourself?
Your son..
has more compassion in his little finger than you have in your whole body.
Look at you!
You show them damn pigeons more affection than you ever did us.
Why he still wants to bother with you..
God only knows.
You never showed him any interest.
He's your son for Christ's sakes!
Get in!
Mum!
Out with the old..
in with the new.
Stop fussing mum, will ya.
My son a civil servant..
who'd have thought it?
Eh?
Right.
There you go lad..
off you go.
Thanks mum.
You not coming to see me out?
Go.
Go!
As they come into the final furlong, Nashwan is five lengths clear..
of the rest of the pack and he is romping home!
Get in there!
He!
What you laughing at?
Just doing some riding son.
I'm good at riding..
ask your sister.
Ay!
No, it's Alright, you can have her.
Actually, you're Alright mate.
Anyway, that's for you.
And I've got mine..
just here.
Be good if we could win like this every day eh?
Aye, you're not wrong mate.
Mum!
Can you make us two brews please?
I'm already doing it love..
just hang on.
Ay!
It looks like we're gonna have another scratch team today mind.
Aye..
But what can you do..
when so many injured eh?
Aye, this is it, isn't it?
Hiya Mrs H.
Mind..
It's still warm.
Thank you very much Mrs H.
Mum..
I asked for two brews?
Sorry son.
What am I like?
Eh Mrs H.
You're looking lovely.
Ya..
..cheeky get!
Eh, she's looking well mind.
Eh, I warned ya.
You can have my sister..
but hands off me mum.
I'll do me best mate..
I'm only human.
Eh!
I bet you can't..
get all them in your gob at once.
Oh aye.
How much?
Right, Ok then.
No chance.
Here we go son.
I've always said you've got a big mouth,
Aye well, it's gotta be used for something mate, here we go!
look at that, look at that!
Get in!
Does your mum never feed you?
Surely to God, you can't be that hungry?
Have you boys nought better to do..
than mess up my carpet with crumbs?
I'll clean it up.
Sorry mum.
We had a good day at the races yesterday.
Here.
Go treat yourself.
You sure?
Then I just might go and look downtown later.
Eh Mrs H.
You're all mucky!
Not there I'm not.
Eh!
What did I say?
I'm never gonna wash that cheek again.
You're a cheeky git, you are.
Well come on then.
Cough up.
Er.. No, most of it ended up down there.
You owe me.
Do I heck.
You gonna put another bet on or what?
Not before a bit of Freddy.
Come on, you know the drill.
Oh fine.
Ian.
I've been thinking of growing a tash.
A tash?
What the bloody hell for?
Well, for luck.
For luck?
We got beat last time Freddy was on.
Right..
See if I can find the right spot mate.
Yep.
Here we go.
Should be about right.
Yep.
There we go.
Are you ready? Are you in biz?
♪ All we hear is.. ♪
..♪ radio Darlo. ♪
..♪ radio ♪
Eh!
That's a voice that, in it?
A..Aye..
Don't.. Don't quit your day job.
Mum!
Why's my cup empty?
Ladies and gentlemen.
We're playing on your yellow card tonight..
for a jackpot of £200.
Eyes down for a full house.
Could be my numbers.
Your first number is..
Seven and two..
Isle of teens..
Shall we stay for the flyer?
- On it's own - It's five hundred quid.
- Oh my.. - Number 6.
what we could do with that eh?
Five and six..
It's 56.
Eight and four..
84.
On its own..
Lucky 7.
Three o..
blind 30.
Are you Alright?
You look terrible.
..and Eight..
58.
- Four and nine - I don't think we should stay for the flyer tonight.
Sssshh,
No talking while..
- ..the bingo's on. - Six and one.
You stay.
61.
It's nothing..
- an early night'll sort it - Seven and seven.
- Oh no way.. - Sunset strip.
- I'm making sure you get home, soon as. - 87.
- And that, is that. - Eight and one.
81.
It's ok.
Eight and nine.
89.
Six and five.
Retirement age..
65.
Three and six..
It's 36.
Four and four..
It's 44.
♪ darlo 'til I die ♪
♪ I'm darlo 'til I die ♪
♪ I know I am ♪
♪ I'm sure I am ♪
♪ I'm darlo 'til I die ♪
♪ darlo 'til I die ♪
♪ I'm darlo 'til I die ♪
♪ I know I am ♪
♪ I'm sure I am ♪
♪ I'm darlo 'til I die ♪
♪ Who's that team we call the darlo ♪
♪ Who's that team we all adore♪
♪ Ba ba ba ba ba ♪
- Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up.
Shut up, shut up.
- ♪ 'til I die... I'm...♪ - eh two seconds.
♪ Darlo... 'til I die..♪
- ♪ I'm.. Darlo..♪ - Shut up, eh, come here,
- Ssush, shut up. - Do you wanna kiss me?
No I don't, just shut up for a second.
♪ I die ♪
- Shut up, shut up. - Man..
Right lads,
we gotta bounce.
Hey listen, listen, just stay two minutes..
boys, boys, two minutes.
I'll let you, take it easy yeah?
You .. get, out drunk..
by a cripple eh?
♪ ..call the Darlo..♪
♪ Who's that team we all adore ♪
Yeah, we need to go As well mate.
Come on, come on.
Let's get you in your chair.
Shut up, eh!
Let me get you in your chair, come on.
- Come on. - I'm..
Just.. Just getting started.
- You're not getting started, we're going now, come on. - I am.
Let's go.
♪ I'm Darlo..♪
- There we go, just get the feet. - ♪ 'til I die..♪
♪ I'm Darlo 'til I die..♪
- Shut up! - ♪ I know I am..♪
Eh, look at me, look at me.
Be quiet, two minutes.
♪ I'm darlo..♪
- ♪ til I die ♪ - Go on!
He'll be back for this.
Me scarf!
You've left my bloody scarf, you idiot.
Shit!
Won't be long.
Right.
Be right here, two minutes.
And here he comes.
- Sorry lads, can I just grab the..
No.
You can't.
Now jog on.
Oh shit.
Come on lad.
Shit.
I don't want any trouble.
Oh no.
Oh shit!
Paul!
Oy!
Leave him alone, you bastard!
No, no.
Honestly mate.
I'm gonna be a boxer.
Well you can be a boxer if you only want to come second.
No, I took it like a champ.
You took it like something.
No, I didn't even cry man.
Let's have a cuppa eh?
Aye, it's locked.
What?
Have you got a key?
No, I don't think I have.
But, she must be back by now.
Well the lights are on.
Well go round the back, see if it's open
Shit.
Mrs H?
Jesus Christ, Mrs H!
Ian!
Yaeh, in a minute mate!
It's you mum mate, she's had an accident.
We need to get you in.
What?
We need to get you in mate.
Ma, mum!
- Ma, mum! - I'll get an ambulance.
Ma, mum!
Can you hear me?
Mum!
Are you Ok?
What happened mum?
Mum!
Do you think she's getting any better?
She's not half the woman she was.
Well what do you expect dad eh?
She's had a stroke, for God's sake!
And don't think she's going back to your place when she comes out.
You can't even look after yourself
Yeah, well some people have more faith in me than you do..
Dad!
Look..
She's better off with me, where she belongs!
Dad!
Hiya mum.
You glad to be home?
Good to see you Alice.
Same time tomorrow?
Aye.
Thanks Ernest.
Nay bother lad.
Good to have you back mum.
No Lizzy yet?
What's that mum?
She knew you'd be home today.
Anyways, how are you feeling?
Have you had a cuppa..
or anything to eat yet?
No?
Alright..
I'll go see what we've got in..
I'll just be back in a sec.
I'm coming back..
I'm just gonna go have a look in the fridge.
Come on.
Get up.
Dinner's ready.
M..Mum.
Do you know what time it is?
It's 3am!
Gordon Bennet!
What's been going on in here?
What have you been doing?
For you, dinner.
Mum.
Eh, what's this? No, no, It's Alright,
it's, it's Alright mum
Don't cry, it's fine. I'll tidy this up, it's Alright.
It's Alright, eh.
Hi.
I'm Jane, your mum's night carer.
Are you gomma keep me on the doorstep all night Paul?
Er..
no.
Come in.
Cheers.
Do you mind if I put this over a radiator to dry?
Er.. What's happened to it?
Urrrgghh, you don't wanna to know.
Moon's out.
Do you wanna biscuit?
Yeah.
There you go.
Thanks.
Your mum's settled well tonight.
Yeah.
She does but..
then she gets back up later.
I'll keep a listen out.
How's the new job?
Yeah, It's good..
I'm just happy to be working.
Finally.
Well, they're luck yo have you.
Here you go.
Er.. No, just the cup, I..I..
Oh, sorry.
It's Alright.
There we go.
Thanks.
Ah, that's a good cuppa..
Thanks.
Just how.. Just how I like it.
Aim to please,
Here, let me see.
Oh.
Got a nasty rash there Paul.
It looks like Shingles.
If I were you, I'd go to the Doctor's.
Er.... Cheers.
Cheers.
♪ I wanna let it go ♪
♪ I wanna let you know now ♪
Tea?
Yeah.
Thanks.
You've..
you've got a lovely voice,
Do.. do you do kareoke?
I'd love to..
but I'm scared I'd make a fool of myself.
Sounds Alright to me.
Besides I don't get out much with my bloke.
So he's a boring fart then?
I didn't mean it to sound like that.
He's jus a lot older than me.
What's a lot?
fifteen years.
God, that is a lot older.
So how come you's ended up together?
You mind your own business nosey.
So, you're into older men then?
Well, I didn't say that either.
Well, what are you saying?
He was just..
like..
more sure of himself.
Only thing is, now he;s away a lot on business, so..
that's why I do this.
Right, you ready?
Er, yep.
It's a bit itchy?
Yeah, a little bit.
Ok.
You're so tense.
Don't stop.
I was enjoying that.
Bollocks!
Hey Paul!
You Alright?
Oh.
Thank God you're here.
Oh God, look at that.
Alright, no worries.
I'll get you sorted out, eh?
Come this way, come this way.
Ah that's it... that's it.
That's it.
Cheers Ernest.
Push it.
There we go.
As you go.
Oh bloody 'ell, how am I gonna explain this?
Alright, ok.
Let's go to my workshop.
Come on Ironside, this way.
You solved any crimes yet?
What's up with him?
Has he been drinking again?
Don't be daft woman.
There's something wrong with his chair!
Are you sure you're not drunk?
You should've seen him last time..
Bloody disgraceful it was
God!
Would you leave him alone!
..God's sake.
Don't get mud on my carpet.
I'm just trying to get over the bloody threshold 'aint I? There we go.
Come on, easy as she goes.
Oh, I don't know.
I've broken me back.
Make sure you take your best clothes off before you go in that mucky workshop.
Welcome to my lair.
Even the wife's not been in here before.
I tell her it's cursed by ancient spirits.
Well, me mainly.
Come on.
here we go, up you get.
Right..
There we are.
Yes.
Ok.
What's all this stuff for?
Well.
When I were in the army..
It were my job.
To keep the convoys..
..on the roads.. eh.
And ever since then..
..I've had a crazy fascination..
With fixing things that move..
From cars..
to trucks..
tanks..
..to motorcycles.
..and.. now..
..even wheelchairs.
Yeah, screw loose.
There we go.
Let's get you up.
Easy.. Over she goes.
There we go.
Down she goes, in for a pound.
There we go, right, ah.. marvellous.
Cheers Ernest.
'Ere..
You couldn't make it fly could you?
Aahh!
I don't know about that lad.
Hi dad.
I didn't know if you'd be in.
Happy birthday.
You should't have.
But erm..
..yeah thanks.
Don't mind me.
Hey, you'll never guess what.
What?
That bloody Norman, the ungrateful sod.
He's just slammed the door in Paul's face.
Well that doesn't surprise me on bit.
No.
Do you want me to do it?
No.. I.. I've got it.
Ok.
Nearly.
Na, na.
Na, you didn't, ok.
Yeah, well I weakened it for ya.
Ah thanks, thanks. Say when.
When.
Thanks
So if you were single..
What would you look for in a man?
I don't know.
Someone who makes me laugh.
Well I was gonna be a comedian..
..but I can't do the stand up.
God, it's a good job you're pretty.
What? That was funny!
That was awful.
- Cheers
Ssshit!
Ay!
Where you going?
Come back.
Susan will be here soon.
Don't want to be in your bed when she gets here.
What? It was good night though, wasn't it?
Yeah, it was.
But I have to go now.
OK, you're right.
There's always tonight?
Easy tiger.
Now I really must go.
Don't worry, I'll be back later for you mum.
I've got to pick Paul up.
Alice, Alice. Don't worry.
Ian's bringing him back.
Besides, you can't come out with wet hair.
So let's get that sorted first.
He's followed Darlo for years, hasn't he?
Aye.
I took him to his first game.
Back in 73.
Was his dad not into football?
He was.
Until Paul started wanting to go.
Surprise, surprise..
..he lost interest.
It was so..
..foggy.
You couldn't see your hand in front of your face.
Do you remember the score?
Aye.
We lost..
..seven to nought.
There.
All done.
So it's your fault he's such a big Darlo fan then eh?
I took him as a treat.
Before he went to boarding school.
Boarding school?
That school is not stretching him.
What difference is another school gonna make to him shitting his pants?
Yes.
Give it here.
No, no I've nearly got it.
Give it here.
Be here all day.
I'm just trying to be a gent.
You these..mm.
What's that?
Me muscles.
Oh!
There we go.
At least do it properly man.
Cheers.
Can we go now?
I'll explain later, come on.
- What's going on? Are we gonna do a runner? - Hurry up, I'm gonna book a taxi.
I think we might have been spotted by one of the lasses I work with.
I doubt it.
Yeah well I can't take the risk.
She likes nought better than a juicy bit of gossip.
Do you realise what I stand to lose if we get found out?
And God forbid, I mean, what if my husband finds out?
Don't be silly, of course he won't.
But what if does?
Why did you agree to come then?
I love being with ya.
But my God I mean..
..what was I thinking?
Look just please stop worrying..
..it'll be fine
Are you gonna be at work tomorrow.
Do you want me to be?
What do you think?
Aye up mate.
Where's your mum?
She.. She's at Karen's.
No wonder you didn't hear the phone ringing.
What's going on?
Nothing, I'm fine.
Aye.
Well carry on like this and your liver won't be.
Who are you eh?
Doctor bleeding Carter?
I'm just trying to help mate.
Yeah well.
I didn't ask for it, OK.
Go on..
..clear off.
You what?
You've no idea.
Look I understand how difficult it can be to handle..
- everything - Look, I've told you before ok..
..piss off!
Leave me alone.
Ian lad, come over here.
What's up?
Just come over here!
Eh? Hurry up!
Come on!
Hang on.
Come on, come on, come on.
I'll show you, won't I.
I'll show ya!
Come on.
Come through here.
Come on.
Look fast.
Right.
On our way, come on.
Bloody hell!
Your mum's snoring well tonight.
I can hear her in the kitchen.
Not hungry?
This just, just isn't working.
What do you mean by that?
I can't, can't do this anymore.
Seeing you every day and not being able to..
Well what do you want me to do?
Leave?
Can't you swap shifts with someone?
Just for now.
If that's what you really want?
Mum!
- What you doing? - Ah Jesus.
Alice.
Alice, Alice.
Come, come over here.
Sit down, eh, eh.
Sit down, right, come on, it's alright..
..relax, relax, it's alright.
It's impossible.
I can't have her at mine.
Me dad's the obvious choice.
But you've got the downstairs toilet.
I couldn't stand her as a kid.
So either you let me dad take her..
..or you put her in a bloody home.
I'm not doing it.,
..and that's that!
So dad's it is then.
I'll call you tomorrow and we'll sort it out.
I have to dash.
I'm meeting the girls for a drink.
Aye well erm..
I best be going As well.
Hold on dad, dad.
Can I have a word?
Stay and have a beer?
I can't drink..
I'm driving.
Please.
Dad!
I'll want to visit mum you know.
Hello mum.
I brought you some of these.
Might pass the time a bit.
Has our Karen been in?
Love you mum.
Phone rings.
She's gone Paul.
She's gone.
Karen!
Dad.
You're too late.
Norman.
You Alright.
She's gone.
Welcome to St Mary's church.
We are today to celebrate the life..
..of Alice Hodgson.
Thank you.
You're very welcome, bless you.
Bless you.
Thanks that was lovely.
You're very welcome, bless you.
Bless you.
I'm off to see to me pigeons.
Take no notice.
It's almost over now son.
I'll take this stuff to the charity shop for you tomorrow.
Don't forget this.
Cheers mate.
Hello and welcone to Feetham's..
On what is a beautiful evening under the floodlights,
for the game against Barnet.
Surprisingly Brian Little has gone with a 4, 4, 2 formation.
The starting Eleven is..
In goal, Mark prudhoe..
..in defence, McJannet, Gray, Smith and Willis..
..the midfield four are made up of..
..Gill, Toman, Emson and Stevie Mardenborough.
And upfront, John Borthwick and David Cork complete the team.
I love you too.
Paul!
Paul, are you in mate?
Paul!
Mr Carter?
I'm Doctor Phillips.
I'm dealing with Paul.
Could you take a seat for me please?
Unfortunately Paul has slipped into a coma.
We're doing everything we can.
Aye.
Thanks.
Is his dad and his sister aware of what's happened?
Aye.. but erm..
His dad doesn't really bother with him and erm..
I can't get hold of his sister.
Oh it's like that.
He's just got me.
Absolutely.
Look, I have to get back.
I'll keep you updated, OK?
Have you been to see our Paul yet?
I've got me own problems.
What's up with you?
Eh?
He might not pull through.
Dad.
For once in your life..
..where Paul is concerned.
Do the right thing.
Dad!
Like you?
Mr and Mrs Hodgson?
I'm Doctor Markum.
I've been treating Paul.
I'm afraid it's not good news.
He's very poorly.
And after running a sequence of fluid tests..
We can confirm that..
Paul has contracted Meningococcal meningitis.
Meningococcal meningitis?
It's an inflammation of the brain and spinal chord.
I cannot stress enough..
The next few weeks are critical.
All we can do is wait and see..
..as Paul grows and develops as to..
..what the effects are on his mind..
..and body.
What you both need to think about is..
Acceptance.
Meaning..
If you are..
Emotionally strong enough..
or psycologically equipped..
..to deal with a severely disabled child.
Or whether to place him into proffesional care.
No Doctor, that will never happen.
We'll see.
Now then mate.
How's it going?
I wish you'd answer me.
Even if you just said..
..I'm knackerd.
I'm getting a bit sick of these one way conversations.
Listen, I.. er..
I don't really know how to tell you this, but er..
..we've been relegated.
There I've said it.
I can't believe it myself.
Steve and Rich have been asking after you.
I wish I had someting different to tell 'em.
Whoahh! Ha ha!
I can do what ever I want..
What you doing?
What does it look like I'm doing?
I'm flying Ian!
Aye that's very impressive Paul..
..I'm sure the ladies will love it.
Whoahh!
I nearly forgot.
Brian and the lads, they've.. er..
..they've sent you this.
I'll just pop it on here and you can read it when you wake up.
Nurse.
Nurse!
That's it mate.
That's it, come on now. Keep moving that hand.
He's moving his hand.
- I'll be back shortly - Right.
Come on mate.
Come on fella, it's me.
That's it.
That's it mate.
Come on, open your eyes, come on.
That's it, I'm here mate.. Come on!
That's it.
Hiya bud.
Hiya mate.
What are you looking at?
What are you crying for?
You've been in a coma mate.
Been in this room for over a month.
I remember what I did now.
It's fine mate.
It's Alright.
The important thing is you're here isn't it?
Can I tell you something mate?
Aye.
Course you can.
It might sound daft.
I dreamt..I..
..I was flying.
I'll get it.
What we doing here.. man?
I told you, just trust me.
Well it's about time, I'd thought you'd forgotten.
Aye, sorry Ern.
Hello lads!
What you doing here this time of night?
Evening Mrs Hogg.
Just get back to your bloody sewing and stop being so bloody nosey!
Well something's going on..
..all that banging and welding.
It's like a bloody factory out there.
Ernest.
What are you up to?
All in good time.. Woman.
No mind your won bloody business!
What's going on?
Don't you flipping start.
Ay!
Sorry Mrs Hogg.
Through here, stay back.
Come on, this way, this way.
Come on!
Right.
Shut up will you man!
..by now..
Come through, come through.
- For God's sake - No, no, no, no!
I just want to know...
I've told you, will you trust me for once in your life?
Right!
Yes I know we should be in the pub but I've brought you here..
..it's a surprise, I've told you.
Now is someone gonna tell me what the bloody hell's going on?
Gonna show him?
Show me what?
Eh voila!
What the...
You've made me a new wheelchair?
Yes Paul..
I have made you a new wheelchair..
But this one..
..is different..
You see..
This bugger..
Flies!
The greatest act..
..that one man can do for another..
Is give them wings.
I was only bloody joking.
I wasn't.
Come on.
Woooow!
Cheers.
Here you go.
Thank you.
I see Darlo are doing well this season.
Your lad still go?
Aye.. Er..
I think so.
Do you see much of him, since he came out of hospital?
No.
You never see him.
He's back at work now.
Do you know that?
Aye.
Our Karen mentioned it.
You get to know everything second hand do you?
You ought to mind your own bloody business.
What's that lad ever done to you?
Another game?
Aye, if you want.
Truth hurts?
Doesn't it?
You have no idea what it's been like for me.
You've never had kids.
That maybe the case.
But I know one thing.
Relationships have to be worked at.
Yeah well that's easy for you to say.
I was robbed of the son I should've had!
You have a son.
Isn't it about time you got to know him?
Aaargh!
Before it's too late.
You know..
'..It's hard to tell who's more disabled..
You.. or him?
Alright?
Can we go inside?
Dad?
Yeah.
Course we can.
How've you been anyway?
I haven't spoken to you.. since..
..since mu.. mum died.
Well..
..I .. I .. I've been fine.
Come on.
Let's get you inside.
Norman. Um..
..want a cup of tea?
Er.. No.
Th.. Thanks.
Can we talk?
Yeah..
..yeah sure.
So erm..
..what is it?
What's that?
M.. Mu.. Mum.
Took out an insurance policy, years ago.
Well..
I..
..didn't know she'd done that.
Neither did I..
til I..til I..
..until a couple of weeks ago.
That's what's left over..
..your share.
No.
Your mother would haunt me.
And I've enough ghosts in my cupboard.
D'you know.. erm..
..I wish I was.. erm..
Ah what's the word?
Adaptable.
I wish I was more adabtable.
I'm just er..
..a big..
..bloody dinosaur.
I should be extinct eh?
Darlo are on the attack..
..David Cork flicks the ball onto Bortwick..
..he shoots from outside the area.
- Just over the bar - Ooohh!
- Come on - Andy Milner kicks off for Rochdale..
Passes to Butler, but the ball runs loose.
Butler challenges Toman..
..hard..
- Ah, you didrty buggers, - OoooH.
Toman goes down..
..that's a shocking foul.
It's a free-kick to Darlington.
Andy Toman swings the ball into the box..
..Coatsworth..
- Goooooal!! - Yeeeessss!!
Ah, ha, ha!
Yes!
Shouldn't you be at the game?
This is the most important game of the season.
Yeah.
I know that you soft git..
I'm trying to sort this lot out, aren't I.
Oh ya!
You go to the match.
Bloody hell!
Shit!
Bugger it, bugger it!
Don't worry Norman, I'll lock up for ya.
What's going on here man?
Arrrgh, bloody hell!
What's going on here?
There's a burst water main or something..
Come on!
I told you not to come this way..
..didn't I?
Which way do you wanna go? All the roads are the bloody same.
What are we gonna do?
I dunno, we're going to miss the game..
..come on!
I'll tell you what we're gonna do.
We're gonna fly.
You what?
Yep.
Turn around, we need to go to Ernest's.. now.
- You're bloody joking, aren't you.. - I'm not.
Away, hurry up!
Oh, Jesus Christ!
Bugger it!
Yes!
It's gonna work..
..Aye, It's gonna work or we're gonna die.
I hope they're in.
Hello Mrs Hogg.
Hiya.
Hello lads.
What you doing here? I thought you'd be going to the match?
Aye, is Ernest in?
Yeah.
Ernest!
Alright lads?
What can I do for you? Shouldn't you be at the match?
There's a bloody burst water main.
The only way we're gonna get to the match..
..is in the glider.
Is it ready?
Glider?
You mean now?
Yeah.. Now!
It's ready..
..round the back.
Round the round the back
- Take me eh? - Here we go, go!
Right.
There we go.
Right.. tie those on.
Here we go.
Come on, come on.
Safety!
Away, get, get me in.
One please mate.
Got anything smaller mate?
I haven't no.
Look, it doesn't matter about the change.
- Right, go on then go on. - Cheers.
Right.
Ethel!
What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?
I'm driving.
And don't you try and stop me.
Ahhh. We're in trouble.
You think I'm missing this?
Let's go!
Right, come on.
Get him out.
They're me hats.
There we go.
Yes mate.
Right, you go, all the way.
Ah, oh!
For goodness sake.
Ay up Norman.
What are you doing here?
Where the bloody hell are Paul and Ian?
I dunno.
I thought they'd be here.
I can't take much more of this.
I think me heart's gonna give out.
Are you Alright Norman?
Ah, yeah.
I'm just wondering where the hell Paul is?
I mean..
..I can't believe he's missing this.
Right.
This is ridiculous!
This thing's never gonna work..
..Oh, hold your tongue woman.
I'm not jumping off there Ernest..
..Have you seen the bloody drop?
Yes you bloody well are!
Grow a set of balls man.
Will ya?
You're all stark raving bonkers.
Come on..
Let's get this thing up in the air..
Hurry up!
This is madness.
You're telling me!
Come on.. Let's go!
Are you ready?
Yep!
No!
Right!
My count..
I'm gonna push forward..
..When you get to the brow of the hill!
I wan't you to jump into the harness.
Well how do I do that?
Just bloody do it!
Arrggh.
One..
..two..
..three!
Geronimo!!!
Yes.. you're gonna kill them fool!!
I told you..
You've bloody well killed th...
Oooohh!
Oh!
Oh!!
I told you.
Oh you..!
..gave me such a fright!
We're actually flying mate!
We're doing it.
We are.
I've got it, I've got it!
You'd bloody better have mind Ian!
It's Alright mate..
I've had a lesson.
You've only had one lesson?
Ernest taught me a few things, you know.
Are you kidding?
Ian!
This is just like my dream..
..I was telling you about.
Aye.
Eh!
There's me mum's house!
Mum!
Whoooohh!
I wonder if she can see us?
I hope not..
She'll have a heart attack!
Mrs Carter!
Whooooh!
We're actually flying mate.
Whooooh!
There's the pitch look.
Ok look, it is!
I'll aim for it mate, here we go.
Away, away then.
Go on lads!
Come on Darlo!
Go on lads!
We love you Darlo..
..we do!
I mean it's not like him to miss this.
It is odd..
He wouldn't miss this for the world.
Alright love?
Sit with us?
So what..
..So what you doing here?
Looking for Paul, I..
..I thought he'd be here.
Aye..
..You and me both.
♪ I'd sit alone..♪
♪.. and watch your light ♪
What's that noise?
Well I had to keep up with the match somehow, didn't I?
You brought your radio?
Yeah, I can't.. I can't get it.
I've got it, don't worry.
Look.. look, we're coming up over the pitch now.
Right.
Go on lads!
Go on Darlo!
Gooooal!
Yeeessss!!!
- My God! - Yes!
Come on Darlo!!
Right..
..I'm gonna try and put us down over that field.
Here we go!
Thank God, I..I'm..
..bursting for a pee!
You're taking the pee.
Right.
♪ the girls and boys ♪
Look!
Up there..
It's bloody Paul and Ian!
Bloody hell, so it is!
- Bugger me - Er?
That's Paul Hodgson.
Who's that behind him like?
That's his mate Ian.
What the..
Any idea how to slow this down?
No, well you're the expert!
I didn't get that far.
Well hurry up and put us down will ya?
I'm gonna try and lean it forward.
Whooah!
Man!
Whoah!
Would you bloody be careful man..
..yoiu nearly killed us!
I'm gonna try again..
..slower this time.
Right..
..I'm gonna get Paul.
I'm gonna come with ya!
♪ We watch the shows ♪
♪ we watch the stars ♪
♪ on video ♪
♪ for hours and hours ♪
♪ we hardly need ♪
♪ to use our ears ♪
♪ how music changes through the years ♪
♪ let's hope you never.. ♪
♪..leave old friend ♪
♪ like all good things ♪
Bloody hell.
We weren't no Douglas Bader were we?
You can... say that again.
Paul!
Paul.
Jane.
You ok?
Dad!
Son.
Ah!
I thought I'd lost you again.
It takes more than a glider crash to get rid of me dad!
Ian.. You Alright?
What about you, shall we er..
..Maybe get you to the hospital for a check up or something?
Yeah.
No, I.. I.. I wanna go see the football.
His wheelchair's knackered mind.
We don't need the bloody wheelchair!
Jane, Ian. Give us a hand.
Ready?
One, two, three!
Right!
Let's go!