previously on UMBRE
You'll die when I say you can.
Pop Puiu!
Will you let me get you booze from now on?
-Who's the geezer? -Mister Toma.
See, Relu... Sins get passed down.
I have a flat that's a stone's throw away from here.
Hi.
I brought you oranges.
Those hurt my stomach.
How are you? All right?
If I’m not dead, I must be all right.
If I died, I'd be better still.
Didn't you watch the game last night? I hear it was a big one.
I didn't watch it. I was feeling sick.
I was watching what I threw up.
Did you tell the nurses?
Tell them what?
I should’ve just stayed at home.
I knew where everything was.
It didn’t feel like I was just waiting to die.
This again?!
Who would’ve looked after you at home, huh?
Petrica could come by - his wife too...
Pop Petrica's been paralyzed six months now.
How would his wife have found the time to drop by?
Anyway...
I wouldn't be in here, throwing money out the window.
Who, you?!
It's not coming out of your pension, don't worry.
I'm paying for the nursing home myself.
I'm the only one throwing money out the window.
Sure you are, you can afford to.
Since - well...
...it's easy money.
What do you mean?
Just that.
You should be buying yourself clothes with that money.
You don't like these? They're brand name.
What's wrong with my clothes?
You're showing too much skin in them.
But, then, that's how you like them.
You always have.
And how is that?
What's this, now?! You're trying to provoke me.
That's how I like it. Being all provocative. How is that?
Nicoleta. You know what you are.
No point beating around the bush.
Do you really want me to spell it out?
You like the feel of young flesh, huh?
It’s eating you up.
That you're not the big shot you once were.
No more throwing parties with gypsy bands and whores,
or coming home and having your way with me and mom.
And now, you can’t even take a piss by yourself.
Girl, you better watch how you talk to me, or I'll...
Or you'll what?
You'll chase me around this place in your wheelchair?!
Your behavior is disgusting.
But, then...
It's to be expected from someone who at 14 was already
getting up to all kinds of stuff in the back alley.
Listen up! Whatever I got up to or didn’t...
...I'm the one paying for that oxygen you're breathing.
Remember that!
Happy birthday, daddy!
I’ll go get us some glasses, for a toast.
CINEMATOGRAPHY
SET DESIGN
COSTUME DESIGN
EDITING
MUSIC
PRODUCER - HBO EUROPE
PRODUCER - MULTI MEDIA EST
PRODUCER - HBO ROMANIA
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
WRITTEN BY
DIRECTED BY
Eeny, meeny - miny, mo...
Catch a nigger - by the toe...
If he hollers, let him go...
Eeny meeny - miny Moe.
Eeny, meeny - miny, mo...
Catch a nigger - by the toe...
Or something.
If he hollers, let him go...
Eeny, meeny - miny, mo.
Eeny, meeny -
That's it?
No more games?
-I thought that’s why you're here. -No, that’s not why.
We’re here 'cause - some gypsies were scavenging for iron last night
and guess what they turned up in a landfill?
-Iron? -Close enough.
They found Geamanu.
Well - we only realized it was Geamanu from his tattoos.
The dogs had eaten his face right off.
-What do you say to that? -What can I say?!
You’d think they’d start with the meatier parts.
But then again, dogs aren't that sharp.
Not like the monkey, for instance.
Or the dolphin.
Relu, man!
Do we look like we’re here to crack jokes?
He'd been pounded like a schnitzel and the dogs ate him, mate.
-Mr. Relu... -Yes?
Won't you give us the code to unlock this?
How come? Are you out of minutes?
The code?
Madam Paganel’s year of birth.
Let's say I'm the one asking.
Focus up now, it's complicated.
-Shoot! -Zero...
Zero...
-Yes... -Zero...
Here comes the hard part...
Zero.
Now...
That dogs ate Geamanu's face is beside the point.
If they hadn’t, I would have.
Do you know why, Relu?
This here’s Geamanu’s mobile.
I went poking around in it,
‘cause, you know me, I’m the nosy type, and jealous.
Like a wife who's been cheated on all her life
and it's ruined her self-esteem.
Wanna know what I found?
Call to Mr. Toma.
Call from Mr. Toma.
Say what?
So, I ask myself, like anyone would...
What the fuck would Geamanu be doing with Toma?
Toma’s working with me and Geamanu works for me.
I had no idea they even knew each other.
And, lo and behold, they're on the phone at all hours?!
And then the penny dropped. What if they're a couple of fags,
and they're actually fucking?
The two fossils, together!
Oh, man... Go ahead, try picturing it!
Geamanu and Toma, getting it on.
But, as this was flashing before my eyes...
I saw them turning around, their dicks pointed right at me.
And then they stuck them up my -
- MY -
- ass!
So then, maybe they’re not fucking each other.
Maybe it's ME their fucking over.
Sorry.
Reflex.
I'm just renting it.
Isn’t this Giani’s place?
I pay his sister rent.
His sister, right. What's she up to?
Still a butter face, ugly as sin, is she?
Still.
But then I reconsidered.
Why jump to a guilty verdict?
-And guess what I did! -You didn't jump.
I called Toma.
-Guess what he said! -What?
Nothing. He didn't pick up.
I tried him again. Didn't give up.
Still no answer. What the fuck, I was stumped.
-So I called one of his lads. -And he answered.
Yes.
And he said Toma's gone missing.
Him and one of his bodyguards too.
So I say, 'How can Toma just go missing?'
What does that even mean?
It's not like Toma's Fata Morgana. That chick from the desert, get it?
I don't know her, never been...
Lads, go on down to the car and turn on the heat.
Relu...
I told you...
...about this big hit I was cooking up with Toma.
Yeah.
Tomorrow's day one. The first shipment.
And today's the day Toma goes missing?!
And Geamanu turns up eaten by dogs?!
So, out of 365 possible days, all of this happens today?!
-Oh, so the deal went south. -No.
But the Constanta crew’s all in a lather.
They think I had a hand in it. And I've no clue where the geezer is.
That's why I want you to go to Constanta.
Put their minds at ease.
And take charge of the shipment.
So, if you trust me enough to send me to Constanta...
...how come you went through my phone?
To gain the lads' trust.
So they see I don't discriminate.
Did you think I spared them the third degree?
I checked everyone, from the runts up.
I've been up since 4 AM.
And who says I trust you, anyway?
You just wouldn't betray me for money.
You've got those... whatchamacallit?
Principles.
-Let's go! -Look, bro...
My cousin's not here. So he can't help us out.
Then why did you say he'd be here?
This fucking putz! Always talking through his hat.
Fuck off, bro! He told me he'd be here.
But his girl needed fuck knows what so he bailed.
Needed, my ass! He went to fuck her.
So what are we supposed to do now? Huh?
Beats me. We could go to the corner shop.
-And get some from that geezer. -A pile of shit is what we'll get.
Where was the stuff?
-That way. -Let's fucking go already.
-Move, man! -What's he doing?
Let's go.
Check this out!
Go get me a Coke.
Go on, get me a Coke, man!
-Go keep an eye out. -Okay.
Open it.
Put it down. It's gonna be an epic bukkake!
Hey!
Hey, stop! Hey, stop right there!
[IN FRENCH] Bye.
Come on already. I'm bored.
Shut up! I could kill you.
With my own two hands. Right now.
There are cameras everywhere. You'd go to jail.
You're the one going to jail.
And you'll get kicked out of school.
No, they'll just put me in detention. Juvenile detention.
You knucklehead! You've ruined any chance you had in life, get it?
-You're overreacting. -Overreacting?! Overreacting?!
That shop attendant's in hospital, did you know that?
He broke his arm when he lunged for you.
No one made him lunge.
No one? How about the shoplifter?!
What are you staring for?
I was next to the register, so technically, I could've paid.
-So I didn't shoplift. -You've got no shame.
Chill out already!
Are you going through the change?
What did you just say to me, you brat?!
What did you just...
Gina Oncescu.
This is all my fault, you know. Not his.
I...
Our family's been going through some trouble
and it's been tough these past few months and...
And I think we took our eyes off him for a while there...
I... His father and I have separated a few months back and...
-I think that also contributed... -I understand.
See, sometimes he'll go to his dad's...
Then, he'll come home... Well, what used to be our 'home'...
I think he's confused about it all.
I'm not. You split up.
And recently, we suffered a tragedy.
My daughter...
His sister was in a car crash and she lost her baby.
She was six months along.
It was... it would've been a boy.
We'll pay for everything he took. I beg you, don't charge him!
No, thank you.
Ma'am...
I'd love to help.
Only I've nothing to do with this case.
Good luck, Chuckie!
Magda? Is Magda here?
She's getting a checkup.
What did I say? What did I say?
What did I tell you when I left?
'Call me if anything happens.'
I said that, didn't I?!
'Call me if anything happens.'
And then this morning, your dad pays me a visit.
And he tells me they fished Geamanu out of a landfill.
It's where he belongs.
Who are you to decide who belongs where?
You should be thanking me for not leaving him there
and for cleaning up your mess.
What did you just say to me?
You...
-Suppose someone saw you, what then? -Relax, no one saw me.
I've got more skill than you lot put together.
Teddy...
He told me.
What?
You know what.
So?
You thought, what?!
That you'll do him in.
I didn't have to.
His insides were mush. He was already done.
I know full well how he was.
I left him alive.
He still had some time left last time I saw him.
Go figure, he didn't.
It wasn’t me who stopped him from reaching his pills.
It was the broken bones and the angina. Not me.
Go on, hit me.
Hit me, Mr. Relu, 'cause I'm to blame.
I’m the one to blame here.
I am, Magda is...
So is my six-month-old boy who didn’t even get one hour on this earth.
One hour.
Just enough to make his own mind up, to say 'Yeah, man, it's a pile of shit.
'You can take your world and shove it.'
Not even that much.
I'm to blame.
Not you, or my dad.
Or Geamanu and others like him and all your fucking schemes!
No - it's all my fault. So hit me, go on!
Put things right, like you always do.
You don't know what you're doing. What you've done.
I put things right, didn't I?
I learned from the best.
So? Did it make you feel better?
There's no 'better' where I am.
Listen...
I don’t know what you’re on - but lay off it.
It won’t end well for you.
Magda’s running late.
There’s no point waiting.
Teddy?
-What are you doing? -What?!
I've been waiting half an hour. And why go to the ladies'?
You say that, 'to the ladies,' like I went to a brothel.
-The men's was occupied so - -What were you doing in there?
Do you want details?
Yes, I do.
You've been cooped up too long, man. You're getting paranoid.
Don't 'man' me, I'm not one of your crew from the rich side of town.
Chill, Magda.
I'm chill. What were you doing?
What do you want me to say?
-What you did in there. -I told you that already.
What exactly do you wanna hear?
That I fell asleep on the toilet, like you do?
Oh, right, I was only in there 10 minutes,
while you're usually there a whole day.
-Locked up in the bedroom, in the dark. -You're telling me off for sleeping?
You're telling me off for using the bathroom.
Fine, I'll stop sleeping then.
From now on, when you come home - at night, every two days, like you do,
or whenever you feel like it, if you still feel like it -
you'll find me dusting.
And fixing you some broccoli stew or whatever fancy shit you eat.
And when you show up, I'll hurry over to meet you.
If you’re in the mood, or if I’m worthy you can even slap me,
so we know what's what.
And, just so everything's up to your standards, I'll kneel down
and suck you off too.
-No need, thanks. -Right.
What would be the point of all those bitches you invited to our wedding?!
I bet they’re dying to comfort you, those poor little high-class bimbos.
Starting with the arm candy on top, that tired blonde.
-Sasha? -Sasha.
Even her name’s got airs.
She's who you used to screw in high school, right?
And then you invited her to our wedding?!
So that’s why you shut yourself in the bedroom for hours on end?
That's why.
So you have a good reason to cheat and don't feel guilty about it.
I’m worried all that guilt would crush someone so frail. Poor thing!
-Magda. -You can use the men's room now.
In case you still need to go.
Though you've no business being in the men's room.
Magda! Magda!
Here we go.
'Come here, I wanna bury my dong in your snatch...'
'Oh, my!
'I'm dripping like the Niagara falls. Look at the puddle I'm making!
'I’ve ruined this rug from your mother, the witch.
'Oh, what a crooked little wiener you've got there!'
'Shut up, bitch! You're making me lose my focus.
'Take that! Lick the whitewash off this wall!'
'I wanna lick your whitewash...
'Is it in? I can't feel anything...'
'You'll feel it when I get my shiv and carve you another cunt.'
'Wait... Wait!
'Was that a joke or...?'
Madam Zizi.
Madam Zizi? Are you having a stroke?
I didn't want to disturb you.
Too late.
So.
Out with it already, madam. So, what can I do for you?
I brought you something to eat.
We’ve always been on good terms with the cops.
Lassie!
You won’t be getting any Michelin star, I shit you not.
Say that again, please?
I'm not hungry.
Go on! Kiss kiss.
If you don’t mind me asking...
How much longer will you be?
It's just, my Bubba's not doing so well
and he cant get any shuteye with a strange man in the house.
How about I take you both in for obstruction of justice?
Do you wanna do time?
Do you know what happens to broads like you behind bars?
Nothing, grams. What the fuck would happen?!
Have you looked in the mirror?
You should’ve worn sun screen when you were young.
You were a bad girl.
Go on now! Kiss kiss, stage right.
Bye bye. Do you watch telenovelas?
[IN SPANISH] Go with God, you old whore.
'Poor little old me!'
Dude! Are you off your meds?!
-You fucking moron. -Hello, miss. Don't worry about me.
You should be more careful.
How about you get out of the way? So I don't run you over again.
Nicoleta...
Is that you, Nico?
-Is that you, Nico? -Have we met?
Come on, what the hell?! Of course we have.
Aren’t you Nico, who sucked Sabin’s off ten minutes ago?
Come on, it's you, I'm sure about it.
It's been ages, girl.
The same Nico who ran away from home at 14 - we all know why.
Who used to be a high-class whore in Dorobanti for a while...
And who now works for her cousin, the Captain.
Girl, you’re a sight for sore eyes!
That’s what they're teaching at the Academy now?
How to spout shit with a smile?
Chanel. Top-notch!
Do you need anything, officer?
Do I look like the guy who fines you for not wearing your seat belt?
As I said - do you need anything?
-I do. -Go ahead.
I want the Captain, Relu Oncescu and Sabin Costache - that’s first.
And then, we'll see.
We can get to know each other, get chummy...
Maybe even mess around a bit, like you did earlier with Mr. Sabin.
Before you say anything, to show me how ballsy you and your lads are,
the ones you work with and suck off -
I have one thing to say, Nico.
I know you don’t give a shit about cops.
But how will you deal with a cop who doesn’t give a shit about cops either?
Can I see a badge, or something?
Badges are boring.
Better yet, I’ll show you a selfie I took in the shower this morning.
Idiot.
Tinel is gonna hear about this.
Jesus Christ!
Good reflexes. Puny brain.
Pops! Didn’t we say you’d lay off these ninja shenanigans?
What if I busted her skull open?
Never mind her skull.
Did you see that sweet ass on her?
And here I was fearing the illness would dull your wits.
Pops. Have you been eating?
Not since the last time I ate.
Great.
That's a Japanese custom.
That’s how they thank someone for a meal.
Wipe that idiot smile off!
And crack a book for a change.
Pops, you've taken up smoking pot?
It helps with the sickness, says so on the Internet.
You read that - on the Internet?
Some guys read it to me.
Which guys?
The guys I get my weed from.
That's how they sold me on it.
It helps with the sickness.
Pops.
Weed helps with stuff like - glaucoma, the eye thing...
...and multiple sclerosis.
Not with your thing, though.
Not Alzheimer's. It makes it worse.
You'll end up forgetting what you still remember.
Get it, Pop Puiu?
Weed is bad for you.
The worse it gets - the better.
As the saying goes, we only live once.
If we don’t fuck it up, no one else will do it for us.
See? You understand.
-Listen! -I'm listening.
Who's the Captain?
He's this guy I work for.
Why are you asking about him?
Just curious.
‘Cause he had some guy, Tanase, shoot me.
And the guy shot me.
Only that crap-for-brains did a crap job of it.
Tanase, was it?
Are you sure it was Tanase?
A white-haired guy.
With this look, like he's always shitting himself.
But don't you touch him!
He's mine.
Mine to play with.
Same goes for this other guy - the Captain.
Hands off. He's mine.
Pop Puiu.
When I took you to that mate of mine, to sew you back up,
you had one foot in the grave.
He said you should be on display in a museum, with the other freaks.
So he saw my dong?
He couldn't get how you pulled through.
With a broken collar bone and your neck torn to shreds.
You were breathing blood instead of air.
Yeah, but I was breathing.
And you and I had a chat back then.
You and I, right? And we said, and we shook on it too,
that from then on you'd keep your head down.
-Trust me, you don't wanna mess with... -Where does this Captain live?
Are we gonna sit here till I forget I asked?
Fine.
I've got time.
Good evening, distinguished lady!
I was thinking you might let me take you out for coffee.
It's late. Rain check.
That's my car there.
Impressive.
I'd rather you followed me, than the other way around.
Right. So? Am I here to look at a bunch of photos?
Photos of the Captain.
He owns the restaurant I work at.
Relu Oncescu?
The driver.
-He's a driver in our employ. -A driver, huh?
That's what it says in his contract.
Vrrr - too-too!
A driver.
Sabin Costache?
He's a day worker.
He's got the work record to prove it. Call the IRS - no overdue taxes.
But it’s also personal between you two, right?
Why?
Because I sucked his dick this morning?
Well, yes.
-Is that against the law? -No.
Unless you're bad at it.
So that's why you're a free man, I take it?
Nico, Nico...
Do you know what I look for in a woman?
A cock?
Close. It's balls.
-And you have them, Nico. -Thanks.
I admire that.
Sorry, but you’re repeating yourself. You told me that this morning too.
Yes, that's 'cause I see - I can sense you're not afraid.
No matter how many times I say 'turn the Captain in or you'll rot in jail.'
I can feel it in my blood that you won't crack
and you'll piss all over me.
You wish, you little perv!
True enough, I wouldn’t say no to a golden shower.
-Anything else? -Anything else?
Yes. Is there anything else you wanted to say?
Why do you assume I brought you here to tell you something?
-Let go of me! Let go of me! Let go! -That's where you're wrong.
In thinking you have a say.
Think about this!
I'm thinking - I'm thinking I wanna fuck you.
Do you like that, bitch? Like that?
Say it! Do you like it?
Say it, bitch! Like that or do you only fuck gypsies?
I like it!
-You like it? -I like it!
More! Say it again!
So, what's the word?
Give me one of those.
-Are you Relu? -In the flesh.
Lay off, bro, you've done my head in.
I'll get you on your feet, mark my words!
With the deepest respect, hello!
How's things?
Mr. Relu, I won't forget what you did to my nose, you know.
Wasn't it, 'an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth?'
-That's right. -It doesn't mention a nose.
-So, what do you mean? -That the nose doesn't count. Right?
Otherwise, it would be 'an eye for an eye, and a nose for a nose.'
But no one gives a shit about the nose...
...and neither do I.
So the books don't mention any nose.
But I never forget, just so you know.
-April 18. -What about April 18?
It's my birthday.
Since you never forget - you could make an effort.
Come on. Since we've got some time to kill anyway, I'll get you a beer.
Plus, the lads missed you.
And maybe you can tell us where Mr. Toma is. Come on!
Look who I brought!
Cheers.
Since you didn't get a chance to meet the lads last time...
Carmin, my brother... Doru.
This gentleman is Mr. Relu, from Bucharest.
We know each other.
What the fuck’s wrong with this mutt?
It’s been yapping all day.
Nothing a sausage can't fix.
Isn't it a vegetarian, though?
Doesn't Mr. Toma only feed it kibble?
You're right, man, I forgot.
Look at it dig, the little fucker.
Like a mole.
What are you doing there, girl?
Come here, girl! Come here!
What are you digging up, girl? Let's see...
They were saying on TV - on this show, Caesar and His Dogs -
about these little ones...
...the smaller breeds - they live for longer, but go bonkers sooner.
Hold on a minute, man!
Did you hear this guy?!
So you come here, to Mr. Toma’s home, and what are you implying?
That this dog's got a screw loose?
The whole block knows this dog's a whack job, what the fuck!
I'll take her out for a walk.
Come here! Come here, girl!
Come here, that's it, come here!
Don't you go conking out in a bar. There's work to be done later.
Black Russian.
What's up? Feeling better?
Yeah.
You asked if I'm feeling better and I said yes.
Why?
Why... what?
Why are you asking?
Because I'm nice.
Hey, listen!
Can I ask you something?
Many come asking, but few get what they asked for.
I doubt they're so few...
If something happens to me, can you take Teddy in?
-Take him where? -Into your classy sassy Barbie crew.
Don't worry, that won't be necessary. You'll be OK.
Weeds are hardest to get rid of.
-You and Teddy were a thing once, right? -We weren't a thing.
We just fucked. But it wasn't serious.
He didn't come inside me.
You do know you'll never smile with a full set of teeth again, right?
Hey! Hey!
Teddy?! Teddy!
Teddy! Teddy! Teddy!
Call an ambulance!
No! Teddy! Teddy! Teddy! Teddy!
No, no, no!