(CROW CAWING)
(CROWS CAWING)
(SCARECROW SHRIEKING)
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
SCOOBY: Scooby-Dooby-Doo!
(RUMBLING)
VELMA: What is that rumbling noise?
The Mystery Machine's never made that sound before.
Like, that's our hungry stomachs. (CHUCKLING)
They have a language all of their own.
(STOMACHS RUMBLING)
I blame Fred, too.
(RUMBLING)
Ha. That's a perfect Fred.
At least someone has the guts to say it.
Hey! Tell your appetites to pick on someone their own size.
They are. Apparently, they've just finished eating your body weight in beef jerky.
Fine. There's a farmer's market up ahead.
We'll stop if you tell your digestive systems to stop mocking me.
(RUMBLING)
Like, I hardly think you're in a position to make demands here, buddy.
Is it me or are we getting dirty looks?
Nah, I'm sure they're just admiring the Mystery Machine's radical progressive paint job.
Hello!
(SNICKERING)
Shaggy and Scooby are so lucky to be best friends.
A boy and his dog.
It's adorable how even their stomachs have a secret language.
I thought you had a pet growing up, Daphne?
Sure, we had show horses. Oh, and Mother had a show cat named Showhorse.
But I never had my own pet like Scooby.
(PANTING)
Or Shaggy.
I'm still not clear which one is the pet in that relationship.
It's every kid's dream.
A little stray animal to raise as your best friend.
A loyal companion to converse with
through your lower intestines.
(SNIFFING)
Like, man, these are the best tasting fruits and veggies I've ever eaten.
Maybe even better than Fred amounts of beef jerky.
It's like comparing apples to jerky.
-We'd like Fred's weight in produce, please. -To go.
-Nope. -Oh, hi. Excuse my father. I'm Beth.
He means our inventory is light because we've had some trouble down on the farm.
-You deciphered all that from "nope"? -Yup.
My father's a man of few words. Three, actually.
"Nope," "yup," and "meddling,"
though I'm not sure in what context he'll ever use that last one.
Hi, uh, Fred Jones.
I couldn't help paying extremely close attention to everything you were saying,
because, you see, I, uh, solve mysteries
and meddling is actually a large part of my process.
Well, this might sound strange,
but a scarecrow has come to life
and is terrorizing our farm.
BOTH: (GASPING) A scarecrow monster!
Ah, yes. The old animated hayman.
Don't worry, Beth. We can help.
Really? I... I guess you could try 'cause we're pretty much out of ideas.
-Yup. -No.
We are not selling the farm.
(WHISPERING) I've never seen him so upset.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
-Oh, look at you all alone. -(RABBIT SQUEALING)
You want to be best pals?
-A girl and her bunny. -(BUNNY SQUEALING)
Oh, we are so alike.
We're both a little squirmy
and one of our feet is good luck.
We are peas in a pod, little one.
So, uh, what are you looking for?
The first step is finding clues around the barn where the scarecrow attacked.
Like this hay stacked
oh so conveniently right here at the scene of the attack.
Some of this. Somewhere here.
(SNEEZING)
Triple bless you.
-You okay? -Fine. Allergies to the hay.
Um, Fred, that's always where we stack the hay.
This is a fairly typical farm as you can see.
Yes, of course, it's very full of farm.
Not for long.
Since our scarecrow came to life
the crows have been eating all our fruits and vegetables.
And by our fruits and vegetables, you mean our fruits and vegetables?
Fiends. That's our job.
Don't worry. Scoob and I will protect the food.
From everything but us.
To the field!
So, Beth, any idea why an angry scarecrow monster would be attacking your farm?
Well, it's silly, but there's an old legend from the 1700s
about Jebediah Thorn, who once owned all this land
and couldn't tolerate trespassers.
They claim he dabbled in black magic
and vowed day he'd return to reclaim his land.
-As a scarecrow. -I told it was silly.
Yes, I'm agreeing with you.
So all this land was once one property?
Um, yes, but it's since been divided into two.
Our farm and Old Tom's farm.
We've never been on the best of terms.
Hmm. Could be secret doors here.
(GRUNTING)
Found it.
Okay, crows. We may not be filled with hay,
-but we are filled with "hey!" -Hey.
(CROWS CAWING)
(CHUCKLING) It worked. Nice sass, Scoob.
I just can't with crows.
(WHIMPERING) Like, Scoob.
(SCREECHING)
(VELMA SNEEZING)
(SNEEZING)
Ugh.
-Seriously, Velma, you seem to be... -(SNEEZING)
How do I phrase this? Dying?
VELMA: Does anyone else see... A pig?
I know. Look at him. A little stray baby pig.
Technically, I don't think there are any stray animals on a farm, Daphne.
This pig, this bunny and I are like a family
that's trying desperately to get away from each other at any cost. Like a family.
We're the new Shaggy and Scooby.
Daphne, and Duffy, and Dinky.
We have so much in common.
Nostrils, for one. Oh, and we birth our young live in amniotic sacs.
Come on, you two. Focus.
And gross.
Look, I told Beth how good we were at solving mysteries
and sneezing and dripping and hoarding livestock isn't helping.
-(SNEEZING) -Bless you.
The scarecrow attacked here,
so we should be able to find our first clue.
Scarecrow footprints.
Like, here's your second clue!
Scarecrow feet running.
(SHRIEKING)
(ALL SCREAMING)
Like, so if you don't mind, we'd like to keep running!
(ALL SCREAMING)
Don't worry, Duffy and Dinky.
I'll protect you from the danger I'm putting you in.
-(LAMB BLEATING) -Ooh.
I will call you Dippy.
And just like me, you're now in mortal danger!
Ducky! No, too easy.
-How about... -Daphne! House! Now!
Okay. Outside. Now.
-Whoa. -(SNEEZING)
SHAGGY: Zoinks. Detour.
(WHIMPERING) Yikes.
Tin Man, there he is.
Like, where have you been, Scarecrow?
Hello. Yellow road. Follow.
Okay, it's simple. Just follow the yellow road to Emerald City,
avoid being ripped apart by flying blue monkeys.
Generally good advice.
Next, destroy the Wicked Witch.
Hint. No likey wawa.
And, finally berate the Good Witch
for not telling Dorothy her magic red shoes could have sent her home
immediately at the beginning.
Complete waste of time.
-Got it? -(GRUNTING)
Great. Get a move on.
Go on. Follow the hastily assembled,
obviously fake yellowish road.
Sniff Toto for me.
Hmm.
(SHRIEKING)
FRED: I think we lost him.
Okay, now we need to find some more... (GASPING)
What? (SNEEZING)
I'm... (SNEEZING) Fine.
Fine? Look at yourself.
Sneezy, itchy, runny, puffy.
Throw in a poisoned apple and you're a walking fairy tale.
You're not allergic to adorable animals, are you?
I mean, because you do understand they're now part of the gang?
We've totally bonded.
No, you're not. And no you haven't.
Oh, so Shaggy can have a dog,
but I can't have a bunny, a pig, a goat, a duck and a lobster?
A lobster? Where'd you get a lobster?
His name is Donny, and I'm not exactly sure, but we are like soul mates.
Are you guys okay?
Ah-ha.
More footprints.
-The scarecrow must have been in the toolshed. -Really?
Oh, without a doubt. In fact, judging from the condition of the soil
and these scratch patterns at the edge of the footprints,
it's clear the scarecrow was here last night.
Walking in circles. Pacing, I would imagine.
You know, getting the old evil schemes flowing.
Classic scarecrow behavior.
Or maybe this broom made the tracks.
Right. We've clearly got a pacing, evil scarecrow clean-freak on our hands.
I think my colleagues here would concur?
(SNEEZING)
Speaking of clean-freak,
I think the Daphne gang needs to find a bathroom apart from my dress.
Well, Beth, it's been great chatting with you,
but I need to take my highly-trained associates back into the field.
Don't worry, we'll have this case solved in no time.
VELMA: Dippy. Yuck.
Uh, do you guys have a hose, you know, for the case?
(GASPING)
Where's Jonathan?
He's inside.
You're the man I saw earlier
creeping around the edge of the property.
I'm shy around new people.
You should get a pet. I have five.
Give Jonathan this.
And tell him he needs to back off if he knows what's good for him.
Um, okay. (SNEEZING)
Gesundheit.
Uh, thanks?
Beware. I foresee great suffering for you.
I always keep a little tissue packet on me.
This is a map dated from the 1700s.
See? There is Beth's land and here is Old Tom's.
Interesting. There's marks on both farms. (SNEEZING)
I think it's time we paid a visit to Old Tom.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
Look, that murder of crows is eating all the food we're supposed to be eating all of.
At least, I think that's a murder.
How many crows makes up a murder?
More than that.
So it's more like a traffic violation of crows.
Are we finished here?
Yeah. Let's do this.
Bow down to us, puny crows!
We're your leaders now.
(CROWS CAWING)
(SCREAMING)
They're all over crowing us!
It's a crow d'etat!
(GRUNTING)
Hey, you. Get off my land, you food stealing thieves.
(ALL SHOUTING)
Go on, get. Shoo, you blasted crows.
-Phew. -Phew.
Daphne, you can't just grab horses off the side of the road.
But we have so much in common.
A, we both like horses.
B, we both don't listen to you. It's like we're twins.
All right. The map has one of these x's right here.
I knew there was something suspicious going on at this farm.
(NASALLY) Ugh, this must be crab grass.
I have this reaction to certain kinds.
Hey, over here!
"You no-good bandits had better scram!"
That's what I told those blasted crows.
The scarecrow's been attacking your farm as well?
Scared off all my farm hands.
"Lazy, superstitious ingrate,"
is what a harsher boss might say, not me.
I understand the world's a scary place,
but there's no such thing as a living scarecrow.
(SHRIEKING)
(VELMA SNEEZING)
It's real? I... I... I can't believe it.
Let's make like crows and be scared of that!
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
-(GROWLING) -(SNEEZING)
♪ One, two, three Maybe this has got to be
♪ When I look into the mirror it's a shame that it's me
♪ Now I see there's so much fish in the sea
♪ I had to swim it up to know that you're the one for me
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh
♪ I want to tell you how I feel
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh
♪ Well, it's how I want it to be
♪ Well, I got older so it's over
♪ I was coming back to you
♪ I swear it's over Now I'm sober
♪ And I promise I'll be true
♪ Well, I got older so it's over
♪ I was coming back to you
♪ I swear it's over Now I'm sober
♪ And I promise I'll be true ♪
(CROWS CAWING)
Oh. Oh.
Oh, there you are.
So, is this normal mystery-solving procedure,
'cause it sure feels like a whole heck of a lot of running around wily nilly
being chased by a monster.
Well, to a lay person, yeah,
I can understand how it might look like that,
but it's all coming together. Look at the clues.
The scarecrow is attacking Old Tom's farm as well as your farm
and the map markings coincide with those map markings on Old Tom's land.
But we didn't find any markings on Beth's farm.
And, like, I thought you found scarecrow tracks in places the scarecrow hadn't been.
You know, Shaggy, normally you're really quiet in these huddles,
but when it comes to poke holes, man, you're right there.
So, basically, none of the clues add up. (SNEEZING)
Oh, Fred, it's okay. Not everyone's cut out to be a mystery solver.
Now, I'm going to make sure my father's okay.
We know how you feel.
Complete failure is humiliating.
But at least you carry it with you for the rest of your life
to strengthen your humility.
The weight is unbearable.
-(SNEEZING) -All right, Velma, fine.
I can read between the sneezes. You're right.
I have too many animals and we have nothing in common.
I just wanted a close relationship with an animal. Like Shaggy and Scooby.
Like, you can't force that kind of bond.
It takes years of love, terror and unending hunger to have what Scoob and I have.
Which is love, terror and hunger.
Uh, not necessarily in that order.
Guess we've all been distracted today.
Velma, you won't admit your allergies are causing you problems.
Who's talking? Is someone there?
And Shaggy and Scooby, well, you're always distracted in the mystery, so you're cool.
Back at you, toots.
And Fred. You were distracted by trying to impress Beth with your mystery solving skills.
That's not true! I shouldn't have to try.
I am good at solving mysteries.
Something here just isn't right.
Wait. That's it. I can't believe I missed it.
I was too distracted trying to impress Beth with my mystery solving skills
to see that the clues are not adding up
which is the biggest clue of all.
(SNEEZING)
You're right, Fred.
And my allergies aren't a distraction.
They're the final piece of the puzzle.
Come on, we've gotta... (SNEEZING)
We've got... (SNEEZING)
Come on, we've got a scare... (SNEEZING)
A scarecrow to... (SNEEZING)
Come on, we've got a... (SNEEZING)
A scarecrow to... (SNEEZING)
Ugh. You get the idea.
Like, dude, you ready to try and scare these crows away again?
Sisyphus of the corn.
(CROWS CAWING)
(BOTH GULPING)
Boy. I sure hope that scarecrow doesn't show up
like he does every single time we do this.
Highly improbable.
(CROWS CAWING)
(WIND HOWLING)
(GROWLING)
(SHRIEKING)
Bait and sarcasm. A winning combo!
-(WHIMPERING) -(GROWLING)
(SHOUTING)
Now.
(SCREAMING)
And that's how you catch a monster.
That's amazing. You did it.
But two scarecrows? I think you'll find there are no scarecrows.
-BETH: Old Tom and my father? -Yup.
You see, Beth, the clues were contradictory.
But that's because there were two scarecrows,
both completely unaware the other had the same plan.
It turns out there's natural gas under both your farms.
Your father and Old Tom both dressed up as the scarecrow
to scare the other one off their land.
Those weird markings were left over from the surveying equipment.
But your father cleared them away from his land.
That's what made the footprints we found.
VELMA: The final clue was Old Tom stuffed his costume with crab grass
which made my face and eyes swell up.
And your father stuffed his costume with hay
which made me sneeze and my eyes water.
(SNEEZING)
But what about that creepy man?
Oh, I work for the gas company.
Jonathan hired me to survey his property.
And the note to back off?
Oh, we were accidentally on Old Tom's property.
We needed to back off about eight, nine feet.
In hindsight, I can see how that sounds ominous.
Sorry, my bad.
See? Mystery solved.
Take them away, Officers.
Hey, now, just hold your horses.
If there's natural gas under both our land, we're both rich, right?
-I'm not pressing charges. Are you? -Nope.
(LAUGHING)
Oh. Well, okay, I guess it all worked out.
So, Beth, uh, how about you and I grab some lunch in town
and I'll tell you about some of my more interesting cases.
Wait, did you just try to send my father to jail?
Uh, well, um...
-Meddlin'. -But I solved the mystery.
Sorry I tried to force an unnaturally deep unending bond of love between us, guys.
You're free to go.
(SIGHING)
DAPHNE: I guess romance, histamines, forced pet bonding
and farm-fresh produce are for the birds.
VELMA: Whatever. (SNEEZING)