(CHILDREN SHOUTING)
Trick or Treat!
So, uh, Fred,
what are you anyway, a sick librarian?
No, Scott. I'm the Bjornar Krag,
the detective from the Nordic Noir series,
Frost Bitten, Twice Shy.
I'm a skeleton.
Ah! But the mystery is...
Whose skeleton are you?
Well, I'm a ship captain,
and it's time to change course.
We'll cut through the woods and hit the houses
two blocks over.
Uh, Scott, we're supposed to stay on the sidewalks.
Detective Boring Frog is a scaredy pants.
Bjornar Krag.
And I'm not scared.
-(ALL LAUGHING) -Ahoy, matey!
(PANTING)
I don't remember this house being here.
Hmm?
Sounds like a mystery.
Oh, please stop with that.
The only mystery here is how much candy they have.
(DOOR CREAKS)
Hmm.
Uh... Hello? Trick or Treat?
-(LOUD THUD) -(ALL SCREAMING)
Raisins? Ugh.
-Huh? -Hmm?
Is this three younglings that I see?
The trick is, your fear is a treat for me!
(ALL SCREAMING)
(CACKLES)
Run, younglings, run away!
Abandon ship!
I'll find you another day!
(SLAMS)
-(GASPING) -(SIRENS BLARING)
SCOTT: It was right here.
Hmm.
I'm sorry. But there's no clue of a mysterious house,
a mysterious witch, a mysterious anything.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
(MONSTERS GROWLING)
(ROARS)
(GASPING)
SCOOBY-DOO: Scooby-Dooby-Doo!
SHAGGY: Like, just because we happen to stop
in an unfamiliar town on Halloween night,
does not mean we will begin our treat conquest unprepared.
Based on the most recent intel,
we'll begin our campaign here at Tillman Avenue
-and make our way nine click south of Figmore Street. -Hmm.
Reports suggests milk chocolates and pies
will be entirely depleted by 1900 hours.
We cannot...
Nay, we will not allow that to happen.
Are you with me?
We will taste victory.
And it will be sweet.
Next! Costumes...
I'm going as a pocket.
Simple. To the point.
Fill me up, no questions asked.
Lieutenant Doo?
Vending, vidi, vici.
Inspired by our Kingston University Food Court campaign, I see.
To the food that fell that day.
You shall be restocked.
Seriously?
Halloween isn't about candy and dressing up as topical celebrities.
The ancient roots of the holiday
are tied to the Autumn Equinox
and the Gaelic harvest festivals.
Here's the room service you kids ordered.
BOTH: Room service!
Now, there's nothing else.
I don't wanna hear any trouble from you kids.
I don't like shenanigans,
or goings-on, and I don't like strangers.
Like, did you take any of this into consideration
before opening a hotel?
Watch your tongue, boy!
You're getting awfully close to a shenanigan.
I miss her already.
Well, let's not miss dinner.
(BOTH SCREAMING)
BOTH: Are you Ms. Daphne?
Ha ha. Got ya!
Psst! Velma, garnish me.
You know, for the full effect.
That's what I'm talking about.
Cheap scares.
Is no one else bothered by the crass commercialization of Halloween?
Nope.
Halloween is supposed to be silly fun.
Without crass commercialization,
Halloween is just what, old and harvesty time?
Stacking bland, yellowish root vegetables in sheds?
Like, speaking of bland, yellowish vegetables,
where's Fred?
I'm not going out.
You know how I feel about Halloween.
Fred, come on!
At least my dislike of the holiday makes complete sense.
To me.
Besides, who knows?
Maybe there won't even be a mystery tonight.
Daphne, there's always a mystery
and you all know perfectly well,
you can't solve a mystery on Halloween.
It's impossible. Everyone's wearing a mask.
Not even the mystery of...
The crawling hand!
(BOTH GASP)
BOTH: (SCREAMING) How did the hand...
(CHUCKLES) Awesome.
It's like fish in a barrel with you two.
Forget about it, guys.
Every Halloween something always goes wrong.
The ghost of Lincoln is really...
(CRYING)
Tommy, I found your candy...
-What are you doing, you awful man! -(GROANING)
Okay, I'm gonna need everybody
to line up in an orderly fashion,
so I can rip your faces off...
(SCREAMS)
-(CRASHING) -(GROANS)
I tell you, the body was right there.
-You terrible man! -(GROANING)
How'd you even find me?
So we've had a few setbacks.
But it's a coincidence they all happened on Samhain.
The traditional name for the end of the harvest season.
Yeah, Fred. Come out with us to, you know,
unwind and have a little fun,
after all the "harvesting" we've been doing.
Fine. I'll go, but no mysteries.
Not like it would matter anyway.
Great! Like, Scoob and I can use the extra hands
to help carry treats.
(GRUNTING) You. Aren't. Invited.
I'm not sure what point you're trying to make.
If you're gonna be a pill on Halloween,
then I'm gonna have fun for you
by dressing as you on Halloween
if you decided to have fun by dressing as a zombie.
Like, I actually followed that.
The logic is impeccable.
(CHILDREN LAUGHING)
(SHUDDERS)
Fred, I get the feeling
that there is more going on with you than you're telling us.
No, Velma, I'm fine. It's just...
You know, there's something about masks
that just bother me for some reason.
You know, maybe it's better
we stay away from crowded areas
until Fred chills out.
-Wait. You want us to go away from candy? -(GASPS)
(SHUDDERING) It can't be.
That house...
It's... It's impossible.
This place looks like it doesn't get much foot traffic.
Which means...
More candy for us.
Guys! No!
(DOOR CREAKING)
Like, you know, it doesn't look like anyone's home.
(WITCH CACKLING)
(GASPING)
The delicious smell of children's fright.
There's nothing I love more on Halloween night.
It's her!
(CACKLING)
Fred! What's going on?
Long story.
Split up and drive her away from the people.
(CACKLING CONTINUES)
(ALL SCREAMING)
(WHIMPERING)
(ALL BREATHING HEAVILY)
(ALL GASPING)
Next time I say I'm not going out,
I'm not going out!
A hungry witch has trapped you here.
Now it's time to taste your fear...
(EXCLAIMS)
What, suddenly we're not good enough victims?
Seriously? You're chasing them?
Do my ears play tricks on me?
You younglings dare to challenge me!
-(SHRIEKS) -(PANTING)
Like, maybe we didn't think this through!
Old habits die hard.
-(CACKLING) -Ah!
Come out, come out, for me to see.
Younglings' fear tastes sweet to me.
(GRUNTS)
Hey! What's for dinner?
Huh?
Children's fear? Again?
(ROARS)
(EXCLAIMS) I get it. We've all read the fairy tales.
A witch's life is busy.
Keeping cauldrons boiling, broom maintenance,
unholy communion, et cetera.
So, you reach for the same thing time and time again.
Luckily, there's a brand new product
for the busy, evil witch on the go.
The first non-natural human offspring terror substitute.
"I Can't Believe It's Not The Fear of Children!"
-Hmm... -He comes in three different flavors.
Flight, fright, and raspberry.
They're all phobialicious.
Just add,
"I Can't Believe It's Not Water."
Wow. Is it not.
Then stir for exactly as long as it takes for us
to run to safety and voila!
You'll say, "I can't believe it's not the fear of children."
While we say...
"I can't believe this worked."
Hmm...
Huh?
(SHRIEKS)
Okay. That was not fun.
Well, at least that scare wasn't cheap.
(BOTH SCREAMING)
Like, there you guys are.
Are you two all right?
I can't believe you rescued us from that witch.
MAN: (ON MEGAPHONE) Okay, everyone calm down.
Neighborhood Watch is here.
WOMAN: (ON MEGAPHONE) Return to your homes in an orderly fashion.
The town is on Neighborhood Watch Emergency Level Green.
And Blue.
Sort of a blueish green.
Turquoise.
Nah, we're greener than that.
We're at Emergency Level Teal.
-You there! Neighborhood Watch. -(ALL GASPING)
I don't recognize you. State your business.
Candy is our business.
Not anymore, it's not.
Worst dog costume I've ever seen, by the way.
We're just passing through.
You know, staying at the Spend The Night Inn for Halloween.
Nice town by the way.
Apart from the supernatural forces of evil.
Interesting. You kids show up on the same night a witch terrorizes my town!
We had nothing to do with that.
Yeah. Like, besides luring around, provoking the rampage.
-(FEEDBACK BLARING) -(GASPS)
Well, I suggest you return to the Spend the Night Inn
and do exactly that.
Martha, the Innkeeper,
used to be on the Neighborhood Watch Committee,
but she was too negative and suspicious even for us.
So, watch yourselves.
Because this whole town will be watching you.
Everyone return to your homes. Halloween has been canceled.
Wow.
One witch and centuries of crass commercialism just go out the window.
Speaking of witch...
Oh, ha! I didn't even mean it like that. Homonyms!
Anyway, so... Speaking of which...
Uh, Fred?
I made a witch joke.
Hmm.
Hey. I'm supposed to be the zombie here.
I'm sorry, guys. I should've told you.
That house, that witch, I saw them before.
In fact, it was Halloween night 11 years ago.
Like, you were here 11 years ago?
No. That's the crazy part.
I was in another state, visiting my cousin Scott.
We came across a house we never saw before,
that same house we saw tonight.
And the same witch attacked us.
The next day it was gone.
The house, the witch, everything.
Vanished without a trace!
Not one clue.
It was the first mystery I never solved.
So, that's why you think you can't solve a mystery on Halloween.
You know, there's an old legend of a witch named Baba Yaga.
She lived deep in the woods
in a house that can move around at will on giant chicken legs.
"Chicken legs"?
Moving house, chicken legs, she had a broom, everything.
Wait!
Do you know what this means?
The house itself is a clue.
We need to get back to that house.
-Here it is, gang. -(SCOOBY WHIMPERS)
Like, I just noticed without candy as a distraction,
Halloween is utterly terrifying
and filled with disturbing imagery.
Whose idea was Halloween?
I told you. The Gaelic.
Canceling Halloween back then
would mean a bad harvest or a devastating winter.
Well, I hate to see the winter here this year.
They're already taking down all the decorations.
This town sure knows how to efficiently cancel fun.
They're just scared.
They did the same thing when they cancelled Halloween in Scott's hometown
eleven years ago.
-Wait a second. -(BEEPS)
Hmm.
(GASPS) Look at this.
All of these towns, otherwise unrelated,
all have one thing in common.
They all cancelled Halloween for good.
Let me guess. After a witch attack?
Bingo! And in each instance,
the witch's house vanished into thin air.
Until the next Halloween.
Like, when it showed up unannounced in a new town.
This witch has certainly been busy.
Well, the house is still here now.
Let's get a closer look.
(DOOR CREAKS)
(SCOOBY WHIMPERS)
Look at this place.
DAPHNE: I didn't know the brothers Grimm did interior decorating.
It doesn't seem like anyone's home.
Let's look around.
(BOTH WHIMPERING)
Wow! She doesn't miss a trick.
These are ancient books on old magic.
Here's one on the spirits and fairies
known as the Aos Si.
Copper, mercury. Hmm.
Look, this old map.
These marks here seem to correspond
with the towns the witch has visited.
SHAGGY: Like, this is where she plans her Halloween campaigns.
And she snacks while she does it.
Hey, we actually have a lot in common.
I wonder if she's also terrified of herself.
It's like you're twins.
Actually, apples and nuts were often used in ancient divination rituals
to help guide future decision-making.
Now I'm hungry. Hmm.
(SNIFFS)
-(SNARLS) -(GASPS)
-(RUMBLING) -(ALL GASPING)
Run!
(CACKLES)
(SHOUTING)
SHAGGY: Baba Yaga!
(GASPS)
(CACKLING CONTINUES)
Zoinks!
Chicken legs!
(ALL QUIVERING)
(ALL SCREAMING)
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
(CACKLING)
♪ Baby you know it's time to drive
♪ When you see the full moon in the sky
♪ Gotta get away Gotta run and hide
♪ Drive all through the night
♪ Dodging, swerving, side to side
♪ Racing our way through the town tonight
♪ Gotta get away Gotta run and hide
♪ Making our mistake with a little joy ride
♪ The devil's out The witches cackle
♪ Halloween, Halloween
♪ Ghastly, ghouly spooky, scary
♪ Halloween, Halloween
♪ Haunted houses Jack-o-lanterns
(CACKLING)
♪ Halloween, Halloween
♪ Goblins drop in Grizzle grizzly
♪ Halloween
(CACKLING CONTINUES)
♪ Halloween, Halloween
♪ Better run cause it's Halloween ♪
FRED: Well, I guess I was right after all.
You can't solve a mystery on Halloween.
Yeah. Well, at least we should have been able to get a mountain of treats.
But look. We just managed a little candy mound.
And a real witch trying to harvest children's fear to eat
kinda takes all the fun out of being a zombie Velma.
Kinda.
Well, like I've been trying to tell you guys.
If you respected the ancient historical traditions of Halloween,
you could still enjoy the holiday without that stuff.
I gotta say,
-at least the witch does understand that. -Whoa!
Hold on, guys. That's it!
For 11 years, I let fear stop me from solving mysteries
on one night every year.
But if there's one thing I've learned, it's this.
You have to face your fear and rip off its mask.
You're right. That's the solution.
Based on the witch's table map,
we should be able to calculate where she's headed next.
Gang, it's time to stop this witch for good
and save the future of Halloween.
But first, in the name of crass commercialism,
we have some preparations to make.
Right.
(RUSTLING)
(THUDDING)
Uh, excuse me, ma'am.
Huh?
I think you've taken a wrong turn.
You found me.
And like any other chicken,
you have to cross this road to get to the other side.
Hmm.
(CACKLING)
Now!
Baba Yaga!
Huh? (GROANING)
(GRUNTING)
(GROWLING)
(YAWNS)
(GRUNTS)
(SCREAMS)
After 11 years, it's your turn to be afraid.
(WHIMPERS)
(BOTH SNARLING)
(GASPING)
Welcome to the Zombie Velma apocalypse.
Good work, kids.
The feds have been after this elusive witch for almost 20 years.
Let's finally see who the wicked witch really is.
ALL: Mrs. Clune?
That's right.
And officers, her husband helped her, too.
You'll find him in the house,
but I don't know if he'll come out without a fight.
Nah. I'm cool.
(ON MEGAPHONE) I'm surprised you made it this long honestly.
FRED: The Clunes converted a mobile home
adding hydraulic chicken legs to make it appear
like a house from old witch legends.
I've made similar adjustments to the mystery machine myself.
This allowed them to move from town to town easily
and set up in a new town blending in undetected.
They would become part of the community for an entire year,
establishing themselves in local neighborhood watch programs
until Halloween,
when they'd reveal her true purpose
to end the holiday once and for all everywhere.
VELMA: Mrs. Clune's witch's broom was ingenious.
It was motorized and controlled at the front.
They used a special fuel mixed with mercury
and copper, which burns green.
That created the strange otherworldly flame that would trail behind her.
FRED: The broom itself had a hollow handle
that could glide along the wires used to decorate towns.
That's why the wires near the house had no decorations.
But why?
I still don't understand
why anyone would be so determined to end Halloween.
The motive was looking us in the face the whole time.
Everything in her cauldron room,
harking back to ancient times and rituals.
The apples and nuts, the books on the Aos Si,
it's all from the ancient Gaelic traditions.
Basically, they hated the crass commercialization of Halloween
even more than I did.
So, like, I guess we all have something common with the witch.
I don't.
Except, unlike Velma,
the Clunes were willing to terrify people
and ruin their fun in order to accomplish their goals.
You agree with me that this holiday is a disrespectful insult
to history and mankind's deep connection to the Earth,
but you still insisted on meddling?
Eh, look. I talk a big game and it is kinda annoying.
But in the end...
(MUFFLED) I like candy, too.
I'm not a monster.
All right. So, uh, what do we have here?
Does anyone see candy corn?
Ah, the spoils of war.
Happy Halloween! (CHUCKLES)