1 00:00:01,669 --> 00:00:03,504 Wouldn't it be crazy if this plane just -- [ Screaming ] 2 00:00:04,872 --> 00:00:06,974 Last season on "Wrecked"... 3 00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:09,343 We crashed, man! -We're all gonna die! 4 00:00:09,377 --> 00:00:12,213 Hey, no one is gonna die, okay? [ Screaming ] 5 00:00:12,746 --> 00:00:14,482 All the airline food and first-aid stuff -- 6 00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:16,817 it's all just gone? -It's a real nut punch. 7 00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:18,952 The worst kind of punch -- right on the nut. 8 00:00:20,388 --> 00:00:22,690 Owen: We are one step away from living like apes. 9 00:00:22,723 --> 00:00:23,891 Why don't we go hunting? 10 00:00:23,924 --> 00:00:26,026 And when it comes -- Boom, boom! [ Laughs ] 11 00:00:26,060 --> 00:00:28,829 [ Imitates wind whistling ] 12 00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:30,564 [ Imitates gun firing ] 13 00:00:30,598 --> 00:00:32,233 [ Roars ] [ Screaming ] 14 00:00:32,266 --> 00:00:34,102 Florence: I think we need an election. 15 00:00:34,135 --> 00:00:36,070 The new leader of the island -- Steve! 16 00:00:36,104 --> 00:00:37,571 We're creating a new society. 17 00:00:37,605 --> 00:00:40,541 Who's to say what sort of legal system we should be using? 18 00:00:40,574 --> 00:00:42,376 I just figured we'd do it like on "Law & Order." 19 00:00:42,410 --> 00:00:43,677 Yeah, I like that show. 20 00:00:43,711 --> 00:00:44,878 Throw him in the pit! 21 00:00:44,912 --> 00:00:47,781 This is effed up! You freaks! 22 00:00:47,815 --> 00:00:49,617 I've done unspeakable things. 23 00:00:49,650 --> 00:00:51,352 Whatever you did, it can't be that bad. 24 00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:55,055 -I ate a dude! -Holy sh-- wow. Okay. 25 00:00:55,089 --> 00:00:58,192 We are all slowly dying on this hellhole! 26 00:00:58,226 --> 00:00:59,360 [Bleep] you, island! 27 00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:01,129 [ Screaming ] 28 00:01:01,162 --> 00:01:02,196 I'm sorry! 29 00:01:02,230 --> 00:01:03,864 We're not leaving the island! 30 00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:05,733 [ Gunshot ] [ All gasp ] 31 00:01:05,766 --> 00:01:06,934 Did he just kill Turdhole? 32 00:01:06,967 --> 00:01:10,070 I stuffed up, okay? [ Sobs ] 33 00:01:10,104 --> 00:01:11,872 -There's a ship! -We're saved! 34 00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:13,741 [ Cheering ] 35 00:01:13,774 --> 00:01:15,609 The truth is we're not actually fisherme-- We're pirates, mother[bleep] 36 00:01:15,643 --> 00:01:17,044 [ Screaming ] 37 00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:19,480 -Danny Wallace? -You don't know who this is? 38 00:01:19,513 --> 00:01:21,081 His family's worth billions! 39 00:01:21,115 --> 00:01:22,550 Seriously, you need to come with us 40 00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:24,785 or we're going to shoot all your friends otherwise. 41 00:01:27,655 --> 00:01:30,291 [ Waves crashing ] 42 00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:37,598 Son of a bitch! 43 00:01:37,631 --> 00:01:39,066 I'm taking another shot. 44 00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:40,301 Hey, come on, Dick. 45 00:01:40,334 --> 00:01:41,502 That's not the way the game's played. 46 00:01:41,535 --> 00:01:44,238 I'm sorry, Jerry. 47 00:01:44,272 --> 00:01:45,673 Did I not bail your company 48 00:01:45,706 --> 00:01:48,008 out of a $300 million cluster[bleep] last year? 49 00:01:48,041 --> 00:01:49,677 You did. 50 00:01:49,710 --> 00:01:53,080 I'm sorry. I-I-I-I didn't hear you. You did. 51 00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:56,250 Well, then if it's okay with you two jagwagons, 52 00:01:56,284 --> 00:01:58,519 I'm gonna take another shot. 53 00:01:58,552 --> 00:02:00,454 [ Clears throat ] 54 00:02:00,488 --> 00:02:02,089 -Dad! -[ Grunts ] 55 00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:03,524 God damn it, Margot! 56 00:02:03,557 --> 00:02:04,858 I was right in the middle of a shot. 57 00:02:04,892 --> 00:02:07,361 It's Danny. They're calling off the search. 58 00:02:07,395 --> 00:02:10,130 ** 59 00:02:10,164 --> 00:02:11,465 Well, that's that, then. 60 00:02:11,499 --> 00:02:14,602 What? Dad, what if he's still out there? 61 00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:16,103 I'm not paying for a waste of time. 62 00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:17,438 He's your son. 63 00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:18,706 I've been losing money on your brother 64 00:02:18,739 --> 00:02:20,341 since the day he was born. 65 00:02:20,374 --> 00:02:21,809 Frankly, that plane going down 66 00:02:21,842 --> 00:02:24,845 was the best thing that ever happened to our legacy. 67 00:02:24,878 --> 00:02:26,447 [ Scoffs ] 68 00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:28,616 Now, if you'll excuse me, 69 00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:31,385 I got to go fish my ball out of a goddamn lake, 70 00:02:31,419 --> 00:02:34,588 like some kind of itinerant [grunts] 71 00:02:35,323 --> 00:02:38,326 -Dad? -[ Grunts ] 72 00:02:38,359 --> 00:02:40,694 -Oh, my God! -Holy shit! Dick! 73 00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:46,734 [ Clank ] 74 00:02:48,236 --> 00:02:50,571 Oh, thank God. 75 00:02:59,447 --> 00:03:01,515 [ Somber organ music plays ] 76 00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:07,655 I am so sorry for your loss, Margot. 77 00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:09,189 Thank you, Tom. 78 00:03:09,223 --> 00:03:10,358 I don't mean to pester, 79 00:03:10,391 --> 00:03:12,192 but there's still the matter of the will. 80 00:03:12,226 --> 00:03:13,861 I need to know how you want me to classify 81 00:03:13,894 --> 00:03:15,829 the disappearance of your brother. 82 00:03:15,863 --> 00:03:19,032 Tom, my father just passed. 83 00:03:19,066 --> 00:03:20,401 It can wait. 84 00:03:20,434 --> 00:03:22,336 Of course. 85 00:03:22,370 --> 00:03:25,373 As for my brother... 86 00:03:25,406 --> 00:03:27,541 I know in my heart of hearts 87 00:03:27,575 --> 00:03:33,514 that somewhere, somehow, he's alive. 88 00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:35,849 Danny! Get over here now 89 00:03:35,883 --> 00:03:38,286 or I'm going to shove this gun up your asshole! Whoo! 90 00:03:38,319 --> 00:03:40,754 [ Rapid gunfire ] [ Laughs ] 91 00:03:43,591 --> 00:03:46,327 Get in the boat, or I'll kill everybody! 92 00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:48,562 Wait, wait, wait, wait. 93 00:03:48,596 --> 00:03:51,865 You know, I think that this is all just a big misunderstanding. 94 00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:54,402 Yeah, Danny is not the son of a billionaire. 95 00:03:54,435 --> 00:03:56,270 Wh--What are you talking about? 96 00:03:56,304 --> 00:03:57,905 Look at him. 97 00:03:57,938 --> 00:04:00,574 You don't let yourself go like this if you've got money. 98 00:04:00,608 --> 00:04:02,576 Right? I mean, look at his shoes. 99 00:04:02,610 --> 00:04:04,612 Nobody chooses shoes like these. 100 00:04:04,645 --> 00:04:06,547 -Ah. -Look at his teeth! 101 00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:08,048 They're all crooked and yellow. 102 00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:10,384 These are poor-people teeth! 103 00:04:10,418 --> 00:04:12,085 Also, Danny is fat. -What? 104 00:04:12,119 --> 00:04:15,423 Not like an, "I love life" fat, but like a fast-food fat. 105 00:04:15,456 --> 00:04:16,924 You know what? Shut the [bleep] up. 106 00:04:16,957 --> 00:04:18,759 We know who you are. Tell him. 107 00:04:20,961 --> 00:04:22,095 It's true. 108 00:04:22,129 --> 00:04:24,465 -What? -Really? 109 00:04:24,498 --> 00:04:27,301 Cool? We good? [ Chuckles ] 110 00:04:27,335 --> 00:04:28,802 Come on. 111 00:04:29,870 --> 00:04:31,739 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! 112 00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,474 IF you're going to take him, 113 00:04:33,507 --> 00:04:35,976 you're gonna have to kill me first. 114 00:04:37,711 --> 00:04:40,080 Oh! I didn't think this through! 115 00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:41,815 Please don't kill me! Oh, God! 116 00:04:41,849 --> 00:04:44,418 Somebody help me, somebody help me, somebody help me! 117 00:04:44,452 --> 00:04:45,753 Get ready to die. 118 00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:47,588 You're gonna have to kill me first, too! 119 00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:49,690 -For real? -For real. 120 00:04:49,723 --> 00:04:51,792 You're gonna have to kill me first, then him, 121 00:04:51,825 --> 00:04:53,794 and then you can take Danny. 122 00:04:53,827 --> 00:04:55,963 You'll also have to kill me first, too, as well. 123 00:04:55,996 --> 00:04:58,699 God, okay. You know what? Who else wants to die? 124 00:04:58,732 --> 00:05:00,601 Let's get that out of the way. 125 00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:01,802 Anyone? 126 00:05:01,835 --> 00:05:04,805 [ Whispers ] Todd. 127 00:05:04,838 --> 00:05:06,106 [ Quietly ] No. 128 00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:08,376 -[ Whispers ] Todd. -No. 129 00:05:08,409 --> 00:05:09,777 Todd! 130 00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:10,978 Oh, God damn it. 131 00:05:11,011 --> 00:05:14,047 Fine, me too, I guess, after them. 132 00:05:14,081 --> 00:05:15,683 Put me down, too. I'm ready to die! 133 00:05:15,716 --> 00:05:17,451 -Yeah. -Yeah. -I can die. 134 00:05:17,485 --> 00:05:20,320 Okay, okay, everyone just -- just -- just chill out! 135 00:05:20,354 --> 00:05:22,189 Just give us a second to talk, okay? 136 00:05:22,856 --> 00:05:24,792 Yo, man, what the hell's wrong with this island?! 137 00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:26,059 This is very unsettling, okay? 138 00:05:26,093 --> 00:05:27,895 I don't know that I feel comfortable executing, 139 00:05:27,928 --> 00:05:29,630 what, like, 30 people? And I got to be honest with you. 140 00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:31,331 I don't have enough bullets in the gun to handle this mission. 141 00:05:31,365 --> 00:05:33,300 What? Damn it, man. This is why you can't be popping off. 142 00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:34,668 Well, I'm sorry. 143 00:05:34,702 --> 00:05:36,069 No, you're not sorry, 'cause we have the same talk. 144 00:05:36,103 --> 00:05:38,038 This is -- This is me being sorry! 145 00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:39,373 I have a plan. 146 00:05:39,407 --> 00:05:41,208 -Whoa! -No, no! 147 00:05:41,241 --> 00:05:42,510 Are you crazy?! 148 00:05:42,543 --> 00:05:44,645 You pull that out, they're gonna gun us all down. 149 00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:46,013 Yeah, not if I get them all in a row. 150 00:05:46,046 --> 00:05:47,748 Boom -- one shot right through all their heads. 151 00:05:47,781 --> 00:05:49,517 -What? -It could work. 152 00:05:49,550 --> 00:05:51,485 Thank you. That would never work. Todd: It might work. 153 00:05:51,519 --> 00:05:53,353 That is a dumb idea. They'd have to be in single file. 154 00:05:53,387 --> 00:05:55,022 -We're not doing that. -Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom! 155 00:05:55,055 --> 00:05:56,524 Here's what we're gonna do, all right? 156 00:05:56,557 --> 00:05:57,891 We'll have to get back in the dinghy, 157 00:05:57,925 --> 00:05:59,993 then we go to the boat, then we get more bullets -- 158 00:06:00,027 --> 00:06:01,429 This is a logistical nightmare, man. 159 00:06:01,462 --> 00:06:02,763 -It's very embarrassing. -Yes. 160 00:06:02,796 --> 00:06:04,331 Jess: They're not at all how I pictured pirates. 161 00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:06,033 Yeah, I know. Where's the friggin' parrot? 162 00:06:06,066 --> 00:06:07,868 -Neither one of them has a sword. -Yeah, no sword. 163 00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:09,837 They're not cartoons. They are like "Captain Phillips" pirates! 164 00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:11,905 -Mm, no. -Uhh, sorry to break it to you, 165 00:06:11,939 --> 00:06:13,874 but "Captain Phillips" was just a movie. 166 00:06:13,907 --> 00:06:15,543 It's a true story. 167 00:06:15,576 --> 00:06:16,877 I think you're thinking of "Sully"? 168 00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:18,345 Hanks was good in both. 169 00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:20,180 -Yeah, Hanks crushes every film. -Of course he was. 170 00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:21,949 Of course he was, but shut the eff up. 171 00:06:21,982 --> 00:06:23,884 -"Road to Perdition." -Wow. 172 00:06:23,917 --> 00:06:25,252 Listen, and you're not gonna like this, 173 00:06:25,285 --> 00:06:27,087 but I think we need to call the Barracuda. 174 00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:30,023 What? No! No, this was supposed to be a simple snatch and grab. 175 00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:32,526 Well, it's not! Okay, I didn't want to tell you this before, 176 00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:33,727 but look over there at 2:00. 177 00:06:33,761 --> 00:06:34,962 You see that? You see that? 178 00:06:34,995 --> 00:06:36,464 -Is that a body? -Yes, that's a body. 179 00:06:36,497 --> 00:06:38,231 And look, it's fresh. There's still blood on it. 180 00:06:38,265 --> 00:06:41,234 What is wrong with these people? What, are they murderers? 181 00:06:41,268 --> 00:06:42,936 [ Grunting ] 182 00:06:42,970 --> 00:06:45,105 What are you seeing? Who's shooting who? 183 00:06:45,138 --> 00:06:47,407 Shut up. Just keep still, you big tree! 184 00:06:48,075 --> 00:06:51,979 Okay. They've got big guns -- please! 185 00:06:52,012 --> 00:06:54,147 Karen! -Sorry. Sorry. 186 00:06:54,181 --> 00:06:55,716 They look soft. I think we should -- 187 00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:57,217 we could make a run for it. 188 00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:59,453 People whilin' out here, man. I'm getting creeped out! 189 00:06:59,487 --> 00:07:00,621 -Oh. -What? 190 00:07:00,654 --> 00:07:01,655 -Look. -What? 191 00:07:01,689 --> 00:07:03,591 Oh shit! 192 00:07:03,624 --> 00:07:05,225 Are there people in that hole? 193 00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:06,927 Are there people in that hole? 194 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:07,928 There's hole people? 195 00:07:07,961 --> 00:07:09,597 Oh! Oh, they've seen me! 196 00:07:09,630 --> 00:07:11,732 Okay, let me down! Whoa! [ Thud ] 197 00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:14,735 There's hole people. They have hole people. We ain't prepared for hole people! 198 00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:17,070 I think we need to call the Barracuda. 199 00:07:17,104 --> 00:07:20,173 Okay, fine! Fine. No popping off. 200 00:07:20,207 --> 00:07:21,809 All right, everybody, listen up! 201 00:07:21,842 --> 00:07:23,611 We were gonna be real nice to you guys, 202 00:07:23,644 --> 00:07:25,278 but now it's gonna get messy. 203 00:07:25,312 --> 00:07:28,982 We're going to have to bring in our boss -- the Barracuda. 204 00:07:29,016 --> 00:07:31,084 -[ Gasps ] -Very cool name. 205 00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:34,421 Y'all in trouble now! [ All gasp ] 206 00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:38,391 ** 207 00:07:47,535 --> 00:07:51,805 [ Dire Straits' "Money for Nothing" plays ] 208 00:08:00,213 --> 00:08:03,517 [ No audio ] 209 00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:17,330 ** 210 00:08:17,364 --> 00:08:19,499 [ Engine sputters ] 211 00:08:19,533 --> 00:08:21,835 [ Engine stops ] 212 00:08:23,871 --> 00:08:25,272 [ Backfires ] 213 00:08:30,443 --> 00:08:31,879 [ Grunts ] 214 00:08:33,246 --> 00:08:35,683 [Bleep] Shit. 215 00:08:35,716 --> 00:08:37,450 Ugh. 216 00:08:48,562 --> 00:08:50,363 What's she gonna do? 217 00:08:50,397 --> 00:08:51,999 Danny: She gonna jump in the water? 218 00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:53,033 [ Screams ] 219 00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:54,835 She's in the water. 220 00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:56,436 [ Screams ] 221 00:08:58,071 --> 00:09:00,473 Oh, that's gonna be bad. 222 00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:12,786 All: Oooh! -Shit! 223 00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:15,956 [ British accent ] Jet ski's acting up. 224 00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:17,390 I hate that thing. They sold us a lemon! 225 00:09:17,424 --> 00:09:19,059 You know, that was a bad choice. We should not have -- 226 00:09:19,092 --> 00:09:21,729 we shouldn't have bought -- We should get our money ba-- 227 00:09:21,762 --> 00:09:23,897 She's so hot. She's so hot. 228 00:09:23,931 --> 00:09:27,067 Now, what seems to be the problem? 229 00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:28,636 This. [ All gasp ] 230 00:09:28,669 --> 00:09:33,573 Either you take us all home, or I blow your head off. 231 00:09:37,945 --> 00:09:39,312 W-What is she doing? 232 00:09:39,346 --> 00:09:40,748 What are you doing? Owen, what is she doing?! 233 00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:41,615 I don't know, man. 234 00:09:41,649 --> 00:09:43,884 [ Gasps ] 235 00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:46,519 [ Gasps, groans ] 236 00:09:48,121 --> 00:09:50,323 [ Groaning continues ] 237 00:09:51,792 --> 00:09:53,460 You're not afraid to die. 238 00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:59,099 And if I shoot you, then your men will gun us down. 239 00:10:01,802 --> 00:10:06,439 So, what you're saying is, I should just give you the gun 240 00:10:06,473 --> 00:10:10,510 and then pray that you let us live? 241 00:10:10,543 --> 00:10:12,680 ** 242 00:10:12,713 --> 00:10:14,114 [ Breathing shakily ] 243 00:10:14,147 --> 00:10:15,783 -[ Sobbing ] -[ All murmuring ] 244 00:10:15,816 --> 00:10:17,851 -What a bitch. -I'm so sorry. 245 00:10:17,885 --> 00:10:19,586 Ladies, gentlemen, 246 00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:23,757 I am the Barracuda, and this is my island now. 247 00:10:23,791 --> 00:10:25,358 But that means you're my guests. 248 00:10:25,392 --> 00:10:27,260 No reason we can't be civilized. 249 00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:28,628 I mean, she's, like, glowing. 250 00:10:28,662 --> 00:10:30,597 It's confidence, is what it is. Yeah. 251 00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:32,833 You. 252 00:10:32,866 --> 00:10:36,303 The doughy one. 253 00:10:36,336 --> 00:10:38,839 You're hurt. Bandana, tend to his wounds. 254 00:10:38,872 --> 00:10:41,341 Tank Top, prepare my quarters. 255 00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:48,148 Who's the dead man? 256 00:10:48,181 --> 00:10:50,283 Th-That's Turdhole. 257 00:10:50,317 --> 00:10:52,986 His name is Turdhole? 258 00:10:53,020 --> 00:10:55,689 Y-Yeah. Yeah. 259 00:10:55,723 --> 00:10:57,290 That's hilarious. 260 00:10:57,324 --> 00:10:59,392 [ Sighing ] Oh, my God. 261 00:10:59,426 --> 00:11:00,660 Who killed him? 262 00:11:00,694 --> 00:11:02,730 ** 263 00:11:02,763 --> 00:11:04,197 [ Grunts ] 264 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:08,802 Oh, God! They're coming! 265 00:11:08,836 --> 00:11:09,903 Pretend we're dead! 266 00:11:09,937 --> 00:11:10,838 [ Screams ] [ Thud ] 267 00:11:10,871 --> 00:11:15,575 ** 268 00:11:15,608 --> 00:11:18,211 This is a mass grave. Everybody, play dead! 269 00:11:22,082 --> 00:11:24,017 Get up. 270 00:11:24,051 --> 00:11:26,186 Damn it, Karen! You blinked, didn't you? 271 00:11:26,219 --> 00:11:27,454 [ Sternly ] Get up. 272 00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:34,895 You -- You killed the one they call "Turdhole"? 273 00:11:34,928 --> 00:11:36,663 No. Yes, you did. 274 00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:38,398 He came at me, all right?! He was crazy! 275 00:11:38,431 --> 00:11:40,834 I didn't have any other option! It was either him -- 276 00:11:40,868 --> 00:11:44,704 You will dig Turdhole's grave and give him a proper burial. 277 00:11:44,738 --> 00:11:47,074 You two, let's talk. 278 00:11:48,108 --> 00:11:50,410 Thanks for not playing dead. 279 00:11:54,481 --> 00:11:58,285 The way I see it, we all want the same thing -- 280 00:11:58,318 --> 00:12:00,087 you want to get home. 281 00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:02,689 I want to ransom Danny here for $10 million. 282 00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:04,992 $10 million? [ Scoffs ] 283 00:12:07,594 --> 00:12:08,695 A lot of money. 284 00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:11,899 I've been in the pirate game a long time, 285 00:12:11,932 --> 00:12:13,433 and I'm tired. 286 00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:15,735 My ship is old, and my men are stupid. 287 00:12:15,769 --> 00:12:17,771 I don't even bother to learn their names anymore. 288 00:12:17,805 --> 00:12:19,973 I just call them by whatever they're wearing. 289 00:12:20,941 --> 00:12:23,643 This ransom is my ticket out, 290 00:12:23,676 --> 00:12:25,913 and there's no reason to complicate that 291 00:12:25,946 --> 00:12:27,981 by killing everyone, is there? 292 00:12:28,015 --> 00:12:29,582 I don't think so. No, there's not. 293 00:12:29,616 --> 00:12:32,886 We'll call your father, and after he sends the money, 294 00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:34,922 we'll have you picked up here -- 295 00:12:34,955 --> 00:12:36,957 All of you. 296 00:12:36,990 --> 00:12:38,758 I mean, that works for me. [ Laughs ] 297 00:12:38,792 --> 00:12:40,227 Danny? 298 00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:41,761 He's not going to pay. 299 00:12:41,795 --> 00:12:42,896 What? What now? 300 00:12:42,930 --> 00:12:44,431 You think this is the first time 301 00:12:44,464 --> 00:12:46,166 Dick Wallace has been blackmailed? 302 00:12:46,199 --> 00:12:48,568 He doesn't negotiate with terrorists. 303 00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:52,105 Let's see if he makes an exception for his only son. 304 00:12:52,139 --> 00:12:56,109 Capri Pants, my phone. 305 00:12:56,143 --> 00:12:57,744 [ Whispering ] He's got Capri pants on. 306 00:12:57,777 --> 00:12:58,946 [ Whispering ] I saw. 307 00:12:58,979 --> 00:13:00,447 [ Beeping ] 308 00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:03,150 [ Horns honking in distance ] 309 00:13:05,718 --> 00:13:06,753 [ Intercom beeps ] 310 00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:08,856 Woman: Excuse me, Miss Wallace? 311 00:13:08,889 --> 00:13:09,857 You have a call. 312 00:13:09,890 --> 00:13:12,192 It's for your father. 313 00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:16,529 This is Margot Wallace. 314 00:13:16,563 --> 00:13:18,131 Then there's been a mistake. 315 00:13:18,165 --> 00:13:20,133 I'm looking to speak with a Dick Wallace. 316 00:13:20,167 --> 00:13:23,370 I'm so sorry, but my father's dead. 317 00:13:23,403 --> 00:13:26,673 He, um... [clears throat] 318 00:13:26,706 --> 00:13:29,042 ...died in a golf cart explosion. 319 00:13:29,076 --> 00:13:31,144 What? Dad's dead?! 320 00:13:31,178 --> 00:13:32,445 Danny?! [ Beep ] 321 00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:33,981 Margot, it's me! I'm alive! 322 00:13:34,014 --> 00:13:35,482 I -- [ Gun cocks ] 323 00:13:35,515 --> 00:13:37,384 Danny! Danny, where are you? 324 00:13:37,417 --> 00:13:39,119 I'm sorry to hear about your father... 325 00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:40,320 but not as sorry as you'll be 326 00:13:40,353 --> 00:13:41,721 if you don't meet my demands. 327 00:13:41,754 --> 00:13:44,457 What? What -- What demands? Who is this? 328 00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:47,327 $10 million, wired to my account, 329 00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:51,131 or I shoot your brother right between the eyes. 330 00:13:51,164 --> 00:13:53,566 How do I know it's really him? 331 00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:56,436 Ask him something only your brother would know. 332 00:13:58,005 --> 00:13:59,472 Um... 333 00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:04,711 Danny, when we were 12, I ate a bad meatball 334 00:14:04,744 --> 00:14:08,415 and accidentally vomited into your mouth. 335 00:14:08,448 --> 00:14:10,383 Do you remember what you said? 336 00:14:14,254 --> 00:14:16,556 I said... 337 00:14:16,589 --> 00:14:20,027 [ Italian accent ] "Man, that's-a spicy meatball." 338 00:14:20,894 --> 00:14:23,363 Oh, my God, it's you! Oh, my God! 339 00:14:23,396 --> 00:14:25,532 You're alive! Ready the funds. 340 00:14:25,565 --> 00:14:27,000 We'll call in an hour. Wait, wait, wa-- 341 00:14:27,034 --> 00:14:28,701 [ Phone beeps ] 342 00:14:28,735 --> 00:14:30,537 Looks like you're going home. 343 00:14:39,246 --> 00:14:40,847 Let me get this straight -- 344 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:44,051 when Danny's sister pays the ransom, 345 00:14:44,084 --> 00:14:46,353 we get rescued? Yeah. 346 00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:48,221 And it's all because his shitty dad 347 00:14:48,255 --> 00:14:50,057 exploded in a golf cart? 348 00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:51,058 Pretty much. 349 00:14:51,091 --> 00:14:52,292 That's amazing! 350 00:14:52,325 --> 00:14:53,526 -[ Screams ] -We're going home! 351 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:55,929 -Finally! -[ Cheering, laughter ] 352 00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:01,734 Well, that means... 353 00:15:01,768 --> 00:15:04,704 maybe we can go back to Scottsdale. 354 00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:06,406 It's the greatest city in the world. 355 00:15:06,439 --> 00:15:08,908 [ Laughs, sobbing ] 356 00:15:08,942 --> 00:15:12,312 Can you believe it, buddy? We're going home. 357 00:15:12,345 --> 00:15:14,747 My dad's dead. 358 00:15:14,781 --> 00:15:16,249 ** 359 00:15:16,283 --> 00:15:17,450 I mean, he was an asshole, 360 00:15:17,484 --> 00:15:19,919 but he was still my dad, you know? 361 00:15:21,788 --> 00:15:25,425 [ Voice breaking ] I'm never gonna see him again. 362 00:15:25,458 --> 00:15:27,394 [ In rhythm ] Burn in freaking Hell, 363 00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:29,162 Danny's dumb dad! Todd! 364 00:15:29,196 --> 00:15:30,930 Thanks for the ride, pal! 365 00:15:30,964 --> 00:15:32,099 Whoo, whoo! 366 00:15:32,132 --> 00:15:35,668 Todd! What? Oh. 367 00:15:35,702 --> 00:15:36,936 Sorry, Chumbo. 368 00:15:36,970 --> 00:15:39,572 Karen: O-kay. 369 00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:41,474 We're ready to bury Turdhole. 370 00:15:41,508 --> 00:15:43,610 Steve finished digging the grave. 371 00:15:43,643 --> 00:15:45,745 [ Scoffs ] Took him long enough. 372 00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:48,181 I mean, four hours to dig one hole? 373 00:15:48,215 --> 00:15:50,083 It's ridiculous. 374 00:15:50,117 --> 00:15:52,185 God, I once buried a Maine Coon cat 375 00:15:52,219 --> 00:15:53,786 in 15 minutes flat. 376 00:15:53,820 --> 00:15:55,455 31 pounds, this thing. 377 00:15:55,488 --> 00:15:56,990 You would not have believed it. 378 00:15:57,024 --> 00:15:59,459 [ Rhythmically ] A hole through his torso, 379 00:15:59,492 --> 00:16:01,528 a hole in our hearts. 380 00:16:01,561 --> 00:16:04,297 Turdhole, dead from a bullet -- 381 00:16:04,331 --> 00:16:07,034 back to a hole, from a hole he came. 382 00:16:07,067 --> 00:16:08,968 Next up, Turdhole in the sky -- 383 00:16:09,002 --> 00:16:10,870 Okay, thank you, Chet. Okay, thank you. 384 00:16:10,903 --> 00:16:12,539 Thank you so much for that poetry. Yeah. Hell yeah. 385 00:16:12,572 --> 00:16:14,774 I'd like to say a few words... 386 00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:16,876 about Turdhole, if that's all right. 387 00:16:16,909 --> 00:16:19,012 I think you said enough with your gun, 388 00:16:19,046 --> 00:16:20,680 you dumb kiwi bastard. 389 00:16:20,713 --> 00:16:22,015 [ Spits ] [ All agreeing ] 390 00:16:22,049 --> 00:16:24,317 Hey, hey, hey. He's clearly sorry, okay? 391 00:16:24,351 --> 00:16:26,019 Let's just -- Let's just hear him out. 392 00:16:26,053 --> 00:16:27,487 Steve? -Thank you. 393 00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:29,322 [ Inhales deeply ] 394 00:16:29,356 --> 00:16:31,824 I'll never forgive myself for what I did. 395 00:16:31,858 --> 00:16:37,064 Turdhole was the best of us, and I robbed him of his life. 396 00:16:37,097 --> 00:16:38,531 [ Sobbing ] 397 00:16:41,668 --> 00:16:44,671 [ Voice breaking ] But as the saying goes... 398 00:16:44,704 --> 00:16:47,707 "People don't kill people. Guns do." 399 00:16:47,740 --> 00:16:50,577 -You serious? -[ All groan ] 400 00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:53,413 Why is everyone yelling at me? What about Karen? 401 00:16:53,446 --> 00:16:57,184 Karen didn't murder someone in cold blood, you dick. 402 00:16:57,217 --> 00:16:58,751 Plus, Karen gets us food. 403 00:16:58,785 --> 00:16:59,852 Happy to do it. 404 00:16:59,886 --> 00:17:01,888 Sorry I got weird back there, gang. 405 00:17:01,921 --> 00:17:04,023 Pack: Okay. Well, that's very sad. 406 00:17:04,057 --> 00:17:05,825 But I think we should put Turdhole to rest. 407 00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:11,030 I'd like to say, uh... a few words, I think. 408 00:17:11,064 --> 00:17:16,436 Turdhole's death was unexpected, to say the least, 409 00:17:16,469 --> 00:17:20,039 but this one... really hits home. 410 00:17:20,073 --> 00:17:23,710 I didn't know Turdhole well, but I know that some of us 411 00:17:23,743 --> 00:17:25,378 had a, uh... 412 00:17:25,412 --> 00:17:29,116 a complicated relationship with him. 413 00:17:29,149 --> 00:17:32,119 He was cold, distant. 414 00:17:32,152 --> 00:17:37,056 Maybe he never told us that he was proud of us, 415 00:17:37,090 --> 00:17:38,591 and maybe it felt sometimes 416 00:17:38,625 --> 00:17:41,528 like he wanted us to be a different man altogether. 417 00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:43,396 And now that he's gone, you know, 418 00:17:43,430 --> 00:17:45,398 it may feel like we'll never be able to say 419 00:17:45,432 --> 00:17:48,201 some of the things that we always wanted to say to him, 420 00:17:48,235 --> 00:17:51,938 but I know that, deep down... 421 00:17:51,971 --> 00:17:54,241 underneath it all that -- 422 00:17:54,274 --> 00:17:58,745 that Turdhole loved us, so... 423 00:17:58,778 --> 00:18:01,080 Okay, I think we've spent enough time here. 424 00:18:01,114 --> 00:18:03,216 Why don't we roll Turdhole in this ditch, huh? 425 00:18:03,250 --> 00:18:04,917 -Oh. -Yep. 426 00:18:04,951 --> 00:18:07,086 [ Grunts ] 427 00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:10,056 Hold on, what the hell? 428 00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:12,959 Uh, guys, you're gonna want to see this. 429 00:18:14,494 --> 00:18:17,130 -[ All murmuring ] -Oh, my God! Are those -- 430 00:18:17,164 --> 00:18:20,633 Yep, Nazi symbols, tattooed all over his body. 431 00:18:20,667 --> 00:18:23,436 The Nazis famously hated the Jews... 432 00:18:23,470 --> 00:18:24,937 killed a ton of them. We know, Karen! 433 00:18:24,971 --> 00:18:26,806 Yeah, thank you! Oh, my God, there's more down here. 434 00:18:26,839 --> 00:18:28,941 -What? Ugh. -Oh, yeah? -Oh, God! 435 00:18:28,975 --> 00:18:30,109 That looks like Calvin, 436 00:18:30,143 --> 00:18:32,412 from the famous comic strip "Calvin and Hobbes," 437 00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:34,181 except now he's wearing an SS uniform 438 00:18:34,214 --> 00:18:36,115 and peeing on the word "non-whites." 439 00:18:36,149 --> 00:18:38,151 Holy shitballs. Wow. 440 00:18:38,185 --> 00:18:39,652 Turdhole was a Nazi. 441 00:18:39,686 --> 00:18:41,954 How did we not see this? 442 00:18:41,988 --> 00:18:43,323 Hey Turdhole. 443 00:18:43,356 --> 00:18:44,691 Heil. 444 00:18:46,493 --> 00:18:48,861 That means I didn't kill an innocent man. 445 00:18:48,895 --> 00:18:50,797 [ Chuckles ] I killed a Nazi! 446 00:18:50,830 --> 00:18:52,665 You hear that? I'm not a murderer! 447 00:18:52,699 --> 00:18:54,467 I'm a hero! [ All disagree ] 448 00:18:54,501 --> 00:18:56,869 Still a murderer. You didn't kill a Nazi. 449 00:18:56,903 --> 00:18:59,005 You killed a guy who happened to be a Nazi. 450 00:18:59,038 --> 00:19:01,140 Nah, it's the same thing. Not the same thing. Pack: It's not the same thing. 451 00:19:01,174 --> 00:19:03,443 I'm like a war hero! You're definitely not a war hero. 452 00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:06,213 Hey, hey, hey, hey! 453 00:19:06,246 --> 00:19:07,614 It's time. 454 00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:10,350 [ Phone beeps ] 455 00:19:10,383 --> 00:19:12,285 [ Ringing ] It's ringing! 456 00:19:12,319 --> 00:19:14,454 Shut up. 457 00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:15,955 This is Margot. 458 00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:17,957 It's been an hour. Do we have an agreement? 459 00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:20,393 I actually have a counteroffer for you. 460 00:19:20,427 --> 00:19:21,694 I'm listening. 461 00:19:21,728 --> 00:19:24,531 How about instead of $10 million, 462 00:19:24,564 --> 00:19:26,132 I give you this -- 463 00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:28,401 [ Fart ] 464 00:19:33,573 --> 00:19:36,876 [ Fart continues ] 465 00:19:38,044 --> 00:19:39,178 [ Fart stops ] 466 00:19:39,212 --> 00:19:40,213 [ Farts ] 467 00:19:40,247 --> 00:19:42,815 [ Scoffs ] Was that a fart? 468 00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:44,251 You're damn right it was a fart. 469 00:19:44,284 --> 00:19:45,852 And that's all that you're getting from me 470 00:19:45,885 --> 00:19:49,756 because I'm not paying you a Goddamn dime! 471 00:19:50,957 --> 00:19:51,858 [ Farts ] 472 00:19:51,891 --> 00:19:53,893 You think we won't kill him? 473 00:19:53,926 --> 00:19:56,028 We'll kill him right now! 474 00:19:56,062 --> 00:19:57,196 Oh, I hope you do 475 00:19:57,230 --> 00:19:58,931 because I just talked to our lawyer, Tom, 476 00:19:58,965 --> 00:20:01,234 and it turns out, if Danny comes back alive, 477 00:20:01,268 --> 00:20:03,870 he's entitled to over half of my fortune. 478 00:20:03,903 --> 00:20:06,839 What? No. I'm not sharing with Danny! 479 00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:09,409 The best part is that Tom can't say shit 480 00:20:09,442 --> 00:20:11,778 because of a little thing called "attorney-client privilege." 481 00:20:11,811 --> 00:20:14,046 Isn't that right, Tom? 482 00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:15,348 I loved your father. 483 00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:17,384 Shut your old man face! 484 00:20:17,417 --> 00:20:19,051 Margot, please! Don't do this! 485 00:20:19,085 --> 00:20:21,187 [ Mocking ] Margot, please. Don't do this. 486 00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:23,423 You're such an idiot, Danny! 487 00:20:23,456 --> 00:20:25,692 When your plane went down, all I had to do was 488 00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:28,895 get rid of Dad and the money was mine. 489 00:20:28,928 --> 00:20:32,365 But you said Dad died in a golf cart explosion. 490 00:20:32,399 --> 00:20:34,567 After I poisoned him! 491 00:20:34,601 --> 00:20:36,636 I gave him the heart attack, 492 00:20:36,669 --> 00:20:38,771 and then he died in a literal explosion. 493 00:20:38,805 --> 00:20:42,742 It was so...awesome. 494 00:20:42,775 --> 00:20:44,577 And now the money's mine. 495 00:20:44,611 --> 00:20:47,213 [ Laughs ] 496 00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:48,615 Bye! 497 00:20:48,648 --> 00:20:50,917 [ Dial tone ] 498 00:20:55,154 --> 00:21:00,493 ** 499 00:21:00,527 --> 00:21:03,496 So...there's been a setback. 500 00:21:03,530 --> 00:21:05,665 We will no longer be ransoming Danny. 501 00:21:05,698 --> 00:21:07,300 So, then, that means you guys 502 00:21:07,334 --> 00:21:08,968 will be on your way, or what? 503 00:21:09,001 --> 00:21:10,169 [ Scoffing ] Oh, no. 504 00:21:10,202 --> 00:21:12,339 I've invested too much into this. 505 00:21:12,372 --> 00:21:15,007 We're staying, and we are going to rape... 506 00:21:15,041 --> 00:21:16,275 [ All gasp ] 507 00:21:16,309 --> 00:21:17,644 ...this island... [ Sighs of relief ] 508 00:21:17,677 --> 00:21:20,146 Oh, yeah, that's fine. ...for all it's worth. 509 00:21:20,179 --> 00:21:21,648 We'll start by salvaging the plane, 510 00:21:21,681 --> 00:21:23,583 and then we'll figure out what to do with the rest of you. 511 00:21:23,616 --> 00:21:26,486 Until then, we're just gonna have to learn to live together. 512 00:21:26,519 --> 00:21:28,254 Bruce: We can do that. 513 00:21:28,287 --> 00:21:31,824 Or we can take this island back right now! 514 00:21:31,858 --> 00:21:34,260 [ All gasp ] 515 00:21:34,293 --> 00:21:37,029 Oh, shit! 516 00:21:37,063 --> 00:21:40,667 [ All screaming ] 517 00:21:40,700 --> 00:21:41,968 Oh, God! 518 00:21:42,001 --> 00:21:43,703 Oh, my God! 519 00:21:43,736 --> 00:21:46,205 [ Screaming ] 520 00:21:46,238 --> 00:21:48,975 Anyone else want to try something? 521 00:21:49,008 --> 00:21:51,511 -No, no, no, no, no, no! -I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. 522 00:21:51,544 --> 00:21:53,212 'Cause I'd hate to have to tell your Nazi hunter 523 00:21:53,245 --> 00:21:55,548 to dig another grave. 524 00:21:55,582 --> 00:21:57,484 ** 525 00:21:57,517 --> 00:21:59,652 I'm a Nazi hunter! [ Chuckles ] 526 00:21:59,686 --> 00:22:01,521 It's official! 527 00:22:01,554 --> 00:22:03,590 [ Bruce groans ]