1 00:00:01,145 --> 00:00:02,779 Previously on Scream Queens... 2 00:00:02,813 --> 00:00:04,115 I'm afraid you have kuru. 3 00:00:04,148 --> 00:00:06,750 No one must know. If the board finds out, 4 00:00:06,783 --> 00:00:08,619 (over headphones): they'll think I'm unfit to run the hospital. 5 00:00:08,652 --> 00:00:11,355 HESTER: Massacres tend to happen in this hospital 6 00:00:11,388 --> 00:00:12,423 on Halloween night. 7 00:00:12,456 --> 00:00:14,525 You tried to kill me with punch?! 8 00:00:14,558 --> 00:00:16,127 Bitch, just as soon as I get... 9 00:00:16,160 --> 00:00:17,594 (electricity crackles) 10 00:00:17,628 --> 00:00:19,563 CHANEL #5: Help! 11 00:00:21,064 --> 00:00:23,900 (elevator bell dings) 12 00:00:23,934 --> 00:00:26,303 I could've swore I heard Chanel #5 scream. 13 00:00:26,337 --> 00:00:28,605 How did you hear her from across the hospital? 14 00:00:28,639 --> 00:00:31,308 (scream in distance) She's drawn to Chanel #5's pain 15 00:00:31,342 --> 00:00:33,577 like a shark to blood in the water. 16 00:00:33,610 --> 00:00:35,746 She's developed a fine-tuned addiction to it. 17 00:00:35,779 --> 00:00:36,947 (all gasp) 18 00:00:36,980 --> 00:00:39,483 (groaning weakly) 19 00:00:40,451 --> 00:00:43,154 Come on. Help me. Help me. 20 00:00:48,859 --> 00:00:50,394 She's dead. 21 00:00:50,427 --> 00:00:51,462 ZAYDAY: Oh, God, 22 00:00:51,495 --> 00:00:52,596 that's horrible. 23 00:00:52,629 --> 00:00:53,997 Um, guys, 24 00:00:54,030 --> 00:00:55,999 passing out... 25 00:00:56,032 --> 00:00:57,801 If the killer can take out a special agent of the FBI, 26 00:00:57,834 --> 00:00:59,403 are any of us safe? 27 00:00:59,436 --> 00:01:02,005 The miracle is this didn't hit a vital organ. 28 00:01:02,038 --> 00:01:04,241 Oh, my God, I'm passing out. 29 00:01:04,275 --> 00:01:06,943 For the love of God, Number Five, Denise is dead! 30 00:01:06,977 --> 00:01:09,079 Can you maybe let us all have two minutes 31 00:01:09,112 --> 00:01:10,314 that isn't about you? 32 00:01:11,382 --> 00:01:12,616 We have to take this body 33 00:01:12,649 --> 00:01:14,017 and throw her in the swamp. 34 00:01:14,050 --> 00:01:16,353 What?! We can't just dump her in the swamp! 35 00:01:16,387 --> 00:01:17,854 Denise was our friend! 36 00:01:17,888 --> 00:01:19,122 MUNSCH: I loved Denise 37 00:01:19,156 --> 00:01:21,091 as much as the rest of you, 38 00:01:21,124 --> 00:01:22,693 which, admittedly, wasn't that much. What? 39 00:01:22,726 --> 00:01:24,595 We just can't let her death have a... 40 00:01:24,628 --> 00:01:27,264 negative impact on the work being done here. 41 00:01:27,298 --> 00:01:30,201 I mean, if word got out that a FBI agent 42 00:01:30,234 --> 00:01:31,702 was killed here, 43 00:01:31,735 --> 00:01:33,170 they would just shut us down! 44 00:01:33,204 --> 00:01:35,539 And that means no patients. 45 00:01:35,572 --> 00:01:39,009 And the life-saving research that we are doing here 46 00:01:39,042 --> 00:01:40,311 would end. 47 00:01:40,344 --> 00:01:42,813 And we can't have that. 48 00:01:42,846 --> 00:01:44,981 Can we, Zayday?! 49 00:01:45,015 --> 00:01:47,017 Even if I wanted to dump her in the swamp, 50 00:01:47,050 --> 00:01:49,320 don't you think the Feds are gonna come looking for her? 51 00:01:49,353 --> 00:01:52,689 But then I will tell whomever comes 52 00:01:52,723 --> 00:01:55,058 that Denise just took off 53 00:01:55,091 --> 00:01:57,294 on a secret mission for some... 54 00:01:57,328 --> 00:01:59,863 top secret shadow 55 00:01:59,896 --> 00:02:02,699 organization within the FBI. 56 00:02:02,733 --> 00:02:04,635 Now, somebody get me a gurney. 57 00:02:04,668 --> 00:02:06,503 Because Special Agent Denise Hemphill's 58 00:02:06,537 --> 00:02:08,305 going for a little swim. 59 00:02:08,339 --> 00:02:11,041 (men screaming in distance) 60 00:02:11,074 --> 00:02:12,409 CHANEL #5: Uh, guys? 61 00:02:12,443 --> 00:02:14,711 Guys? 62 00:02:14,745 --> 00:02:15,746 Wait, really? 63 00:02:15,779 --> 00:02:17,180 Guys! (groans) 64 00:02:22,219 --> 00:02:23,520 (creaking) 65 00:02:23,554 --> 00:02:25,656 ZAYDAY: Oh, my God. 66 00:02:25,689 --> 00:02:27,524 Who could have done this? 67 00:02:27,558 --> 00:02:28,992 We just need to find the guy 68 00:02:29,025 --> 00:02:30,594 dressed as Aaron Burr. It's gonna be 69 00:02:30,627 --> 00:02:32,329 pretty hard to cover this up, Dean Munsch. 70 00:02:32,363 --> 00:02:35,699 Girls, we have no choice-- I have to call the authorities. 71 00:02:35,732 --> 00:02:38,101 Go change out of your costumes. 72 00:02:38,134 --> 00:02:39,436 No. Zayday. 73 00:02:39,470 --> 00:02:43,106 I need you to help with something first. 74 00:02:43,139 --> 00:02:45,041 Come with me. 75 00:02:47,311 --> 00:02:49,713 Remind me when we're done here, I must send someone up 76 00:02:49,746 --> 00:02:51,448 to help poor Chanel #5. 77 00:02:51,482 --> 00:02:54,718 I told you, I'm not dumping Denise's body in the swamp. 78 00:02:54,751 --> 00:02:56,587 Well, of course not. 79 00:02:56,620 --> 00:02:58,955 She's still alive. What? 80 00:02:58,989 --> 00:03:00,524 When did you know she was alive? 81 00:03:00,557 --> 00:03:01,758 When I took her pulse. 82 00:03:01,792 --> 00:03:03,026 She had the faintest heartbeat. 83 00:03:03,059 --> 00:03:05,028 I mean not enough to resuscitate her, of course. 84 00:03:05,061 --> 00:03:06,630 She's basically brain-dead. 85 00:03:06,663 --> 00:03:07,964 And you were still gonna throw her 86 00:03:07,998 --> 00:03:09,132 in the swamp? No, no, no. 87 00:03:09,165 --> 00:03:10,301 That isn't an option. 88 00:03:10,334 --> 00:03:11,968 What, with the kind of massacre 89 00:03:12,002 --> 00:03:13,937 that just occurred upstairs, I can't be sure 90 00:03:13,970 --> 00:03:16,773 that they're not gonna dredge or even drain the swamp 91 00:03:16,807 --> 00:03:18,141 during their investigation. 92 00:03:18,174 --> 00:03:20,944 But rest assured, Denise did not die in vain. 93 00:03:20,977 --> 00:03:22,746 She's going to be an integral part 94 00:03:22,779 --> 00:03:25,148 of our little "save my life" research project. 95 00:03:25,181 --> 00:03:27,984 Come, see-see it. 96 00:03:28,018 --> 00:03:29,653 (panting): This... 97 00:03:29,686 --> 00:03:31,488 is the secret cryogenic chamber 98 00:03:31,522 --> 00:03:33,290 I had built with just a small portion 99 00:03:33,324 --> 00:03:34,725 of the Radwell fortune. 100 00:03:34,758 --> 00:03:36,159 We're gonna put Denise in here 101 00:03:36,192 --> 00:03:38,161 and give this baby... a little test drive 102 00:03:38,194 --> 00:03:39,630 just to make sure it works, 103 00:03:39,663 --> 00:03:41,665 just in case my condition proves fatal 104 00:03:41,698 --> 00:03:43,667 before we can find a cure. 105 00:03:43,700 --> 00:03:46,169 This doesn't feel right. Well... 106 00:03:46,202 --> 00:03:48,739 we could just take Denise upstairs and hook her up 107 00:03:48,772 --> 00:03:50,474 to a feeding tube and watch her as she 108 00:03:50,507 --> 00:03:52,343 slowly deteriorates. 109 00:03:52,376 --> 00:03:54,010 Or we can put Denise 110 00:03:54,044 --> 00:03:55,912 in here, in the freezer, 111 00:03:55,946 --> 00:03:58,181 until they find a cure for being electrocuted. 112 00:04:06,623 --> 00:04:08,459 (squeaking) 113 00:04:09,460 --> 00:04:12,062 (mechanical whirring) 114 00:04:13,564 --> 00:04:15,131 (panting) 115 00:04:15,165 --> 00:04:16,367 Zayday. 116 00:04:17,734 --> 00:04:19,202 It's getting worse. 117 00:04:19,235 --> 00:04:21,271 Please, Zayday, help me. 118 00:04:21,304 --> 00:04:24,508 I don't, I don't want to end up in that tank like Denise. 119 00:04:26,543 --> 00:04:29,413 (mechanical whirring growing louder) 120 00:04:35,251 --> 00:04:36,620 It worked. 121 00:04:36,653 --> 00:04:38,288 I peed out all the blue. 122 00:04:38,321 --> 00:04:40,290 My butt is still really blue, though, 123 00:04:40,323 --> 00:04:41,625 so I kind of look like 124 00:04:41,658 --> 00:04:43,494 a blonde baboon. Mm. 125 00:04:43,527 --> 00:04:45,796 I gave you a healthy dosage of deferasirox. 126 00:04:45,829 --> 00:04:48,732 It's a chelation solution that sort of leeches out 127 00:04:48,765 --> 00:04:51,134 the heavy metals in the organs, 128 00:04:51,167 --> 00:04:53,970 and especially the skin, and helps you pee 'em out. 129 00:04:54,004 --> 00:04:55,906 (chuckles) Now, if you've noticed some 130 00:04:55,939 --> 00:04:58,308 silver in the fleshy part of your butt, it'll... 131 00:04:58,341 --> 00:05:00,043 it'll normalize soon, I promise. 132 00:05:00,076 --> 00:05:03,914 I'm sorry about the, uh, silver poisoning. 133 00:05:03,947 --> 00:05:05,849 I mean, I have no idea who did that. 134 00:05:05,882 --> 00:05:07,984 I mean, someone must have messed with my solution. 135 00:05:08,018 --> 00:05:09,553 Could have been anyone, really. 136 00:05:09,586 --> 00:05:10,921 They're all jealous of you. 137 00:05:10,954 --> 00:05:12,489 It was probably Dean BoxMunsch. 138 00:05:12,523 --> 00:05:14,425 I mean, she wanted to make sure 139 00:05:14,458 --> 00:05:15,659 her and her gray pubes 140 00:05:15,692 --> 00:05:17,561 had you all to herself. Well, 141 00:05:17,594 --> 00:05:20,263 first of all, she's rockin' a full Kojak down there. 142 00:05:20,296 --> 00:05:21,832 And second, I really appreciate 143 00:05:21,865 --> 00:05:23,867 that everyone's rooting for me and her to be 144 00:05:23,900 --> 00:05:25,268 the new power couple. And third, 145 00:05:25,301 --> 00:05:27,671 the sex was exquisite. 146 00:05:27,704 --> 00:05:30,006 I mean, the best I've had 147 00:05:30,040 --> 00:05:31,608 since I spent the weekend with Sean Young (groans) 148 00:05:31,642 --> 00:05:33,877 right when she started her crazy phase. 149 00:05:33,910 --> 00:05:36,346 Look, the only reason why I got busy with Munsch 150 00:05:36,379 --> 00:05:39,082 is because I was bummed out that I lost the chance with you. 151 00:05:40,417 --> 00:05:41,752 I don't know. 152 00:05:41,785 --> 00:05:44,521 I mean, you guys are more age-appropriate. 153 00:05:44,555 --> 00:05:46,957 You do realize you were, like, 30 when I was born, right? 154 00:05:46,990 --> 00:05:48,592 (elevator bell dings) 155 00:05:48,625 --> 00:05:50,093 Besides, I don't know if I can love anyone 156 00:05:50,126 --> 00:05:51,628 after what happened with Chad. 157 00:05:51,662 --> 00:05:54,431 I mean... I need time. 158 00:05:54,465 --> 00:05:55,966 Take all you need. 159 00:05:55,999 --> 00:05:57,300 Not really. (laughs) 160 00:05:57,333 --> 00:05:59,102 I probably only need a couple hours. 161 00:05:59,135 --> 00:06:02,405 I have, like, zero emotional object permanence. 162 00:06:05,842 --> 00:06:08,411 MUNSCH: It had finally happened. 163 00:06:08,445 --> 00:06:11,147 The sword of Damocles had fallen. 164 00:06:11,181 --> 00:06:13,784 (camera shutter clicking) 165 00:06:13,817 --> 00:06:16,386 I finally knew what it felt like to be Freddy Krueger. 166 00:06:16,419 --> 00:06:18,321 (camera shutter clicking) 167 00:06:18,354 --> 00:06:22,125 Because I, Cathy Munsch, was walking through a nightmare. 168 00:06:22,158 --> 00:06:24,495 WOMAN: Dr. Munsch, what do you have to say about these murders? 169 00:06:24,528 --> 00:06:27,731 MUNSCH: I knew in that moment my dream had been shattered. 170 00:06:27,764 --> 00:06:30,934 The C.U.R.E. Institute was dead, 171 00:06:30,967 --> 00:06:33,369 and I wasn't far behind. 172 00:06:39,142 --> 00:06:43,413 But one week later, something equally unexpected happened. 173 00:06:43,446 --> 00:06:46,116 The hospital was thriving. 174 00:06:46,149 --> 00:06:50,020 As it turns out, the old adage is true-- 175 00:06:50,053 --> 00:06:53,023 there is no such thing as bad press. 176 00:06:53,056 --> 00:06:54,691 News reports of the murders 177 00:06:54,725 --> 00:06:56,026 gave us hundreds of hours 178 00:06:56,059 --> 00:06:57,994 of free publicity. 179 00:06:58,028 --> 00:07:00,931 And medical anomalies from all across the world 180 00:07:00,964 --> 00:07:02,766 started coming out of the woodwork. 181 00:07:02,799 --> 00:07:04,968 And they weren't worried about being knocked off 182 00:07:05,001 --> 00:07:06,970 by a serial killer. 183 00:07:07,003 --> 00:07:08,805 Any risk was worth the miracle 184 00:07:08,839 --> 00:07:12,976 of maybe having their horrible physical fates reversed. 185 00:07:13,009 --> 00:07:14,277 Excuse me, Dean Munsch. 186 00:07:14,310 --> 00:07:15,612 (groans) Yes. 187 00:07:15,646 --> 00:07:17,648 What, with the current influx of patients... 188 00:07:17,681 --> 00:07:19,516 MUNSCH: This bitch-- I hired Nurse Hoffel 189 00:07:19,550 --> 00:07:21,351 to make my job easier-- i.e. showing me 190 00:07:21,384 --> 00:07:23,386 how to run a hospital-- and now, 191 00:07:23,419 --> 00:07:26,322 this pill-popping battle axe thinks she's invaluable. 192 00:07:26,356 --> 00:07:28,559 An expenditure like that should really be run past 193 00:07:28,592 --> 00:07:30,226 the board of directors. 194 00:07:30,260 --> 00:07:31,895 I'll look into it. 195 00:07:31,928 --> 00:07:34,130 The good news is that we were busy. 196 00:07:34,164 --> 00:07:36,199 So many patients to meet. 197 00:07:36,232 --> 00:07:38,835 Well, my name's Marguerite Honeywell. 198 00:07:38,869 --> 00:07:41,004 I suffer from Marfan Syndrome. 199 00:07:41,037 --> 00:07:43,373 Wow. That name is really kind of a mouthful. 200 00:07:43,406 --> 00:07:45,742 Do you mind if I called you "Marfan"? 201 00:07:45,776 --> 00:07:48,178 Um... yes, actually, I would. 202 00:07:48,211 --> 00:07:49,913 MUNSCH: Now, Daria, 203 00:07:49,946 --> 00:07:51,548 it says here that you were diagnosed 204 00:07:51,582 --> 00:07:53,584 with Moebius Syndrome in 2013. 205 00:07:53,617 --> 00:07:55,018 Is that right? 206 00:07:55,051 --> 00:07:56,052 That's right. 207 00:07:56,086 --> 00:07:58,188 I do online beauty tutorials, 208 00:07:58,221 --> 00:08:01,825 and my total inability to move any part of my face 209 00:08:01,858 --> 00:08:05,428 is really getting savaged in the comments section. 210 00:08:05,461 --> 00:08:08,899 MUNSCH: But there was one case that really intrigued me. 211 00:08:08,932 --> 00:08:10,601 WOMAN (British accent): I must say that 212 00:08:10,634 --> 00:08:12,502 coming here today was not my decision, 213 00:08:12,535 --> 00:08:15,005 but rather that of my employers at the United Nations. 214 00:08:15,038 --> 00:08:16,539 Wait. You work at the United Nations? 215 00:08:16,573 --> 00:08:18,174 That's really cool. I've always wanted to go there. 216 00:08:18,208 --> 00:08:19,542 (Swedish accent): I worked in 217 00:08:19,576 --> 00:08:21,678 the diplomatic corps as an interpreter 218 00:08:21,712 --> 00:08:23,714 for close to 20 years now. 219 00:08:23,747 --> 00:08:25,616 And I'm the model of perfect health, 220 00:08:25,649 --> 00:08:28,351 so I have no idea why I'm even here. CHANEL: Wait. I'm sorry. 221 00:08:28,384 --> 00:08:30,754 Are you Swedish? I thought you were from the U.K. No. 222 00:08:30,787 --> 00:08:32,889 (French accent): I'm from Minnesota originally. 223 00:08:32,923 --> 00:08:34,858 Maybe that's what you are picking up on. 224 00:08:34,891 --> 00:08:37,794 My husband says I sound like I'm straight out of the movie Fargo. 225 00:08:37,828 --> 00:08:39,229 MUNSCH: Wow. 226 00:08:39,262 --> 00:08:41,464 An inability to land a single accent. 227 00:08:41,497 --> 00:08:43,366 It's fascinating. 228 00:08:43,399 --> 00:08:45,902 (Australian accent): Now, I did slip and fall a few weeks ago, 229 00:08:45,936 --> 00:08:48,304 and I was taken to hospital, 230 00:08:48,338 --> 00:08:50,473 but they said it was just a mild concussion, 231 00:08:50,506 --> 00:08:52,208 and I was released that afternoon. 232 00:08:52,242 --> 00:08:54,044 When-when you're talking, 233 00:08:54,077 --> 00:08:57,981 are you aware of the way you talk sort of... shifting? 234 00:08:58,014 --> 00:08:59,716 (with Russian accent): I speak the way I speak. 235 00:08:59,750 --> 00:09:01,551 I don't know what you are getting at. 236 00:09:01,584 --> 00:09:03,219 Can I just say, I think it's fascinating 237 00:09:03,253 --> 00:09:04,921 that she's doing all these accents, 238 00:09:04,955 --> 00:09:07,057 but she hasn't done one that anyone could deem offensive. 239 00:09:07,090 --> 00:09:08,925 (with Indian accent): Accent? Why does everybody keep 240 00:09:08,959 --> 00:09:10,293 bringing up my accent? I told you, 241 00:09:10,326 --> 00:09:11,962 I am from the Midwest. 242 00:09:11,995 --> 00:09:13,296 Okay. Never mind. 243 00:09:13,329 --> 00:09:16,332 Ms. Hotchkiss, I am afraid at this point, 244 00:09:16,366 --> 00:09:19,736 we do not know what it is you may have or not have, nor 245 00:09:19,770 --> 00:09:23,173 if there is a treatment or a cure, but rest assured, 246 00:09:23,206 --> 00:09:26,743 with all the resources available here at the C.U.R.E. Institute, 247 00:09:26,777 --> 00:09:29,512 we will not stop until we find one. 248 00:09:29,545 --> 00:09:31,114 Right, team? 249 00:09:35,551 --> 00:09:38,755 Hey, this can't be the most sanitary way to clean bedpans. 250 00:09:38,789 --> 00:09:42,125 I mean, aren't there rules and... laws and stuff? 251 00:09:42,158 --> 00:09:45,428 A few weeks ago, I was in charge of giving fentanyl to a patient, 252 00:09:45,461 --> 00:09:46,797 who, based on Zayday's recommendation, 253 00:09:46,830 --> 00:09:48,198 was about to get a lobotomy. 254 00:09:48,231 --> 00:09:49,933 Also, we dumped a body in the swamp, 255 00:09:49,966 --> 00:09:52,035 so I don't really think rules are a priority around here. 256 00:09:52,068 --> 00:09:54,204 Hello, non-doctor idiots. 257 00:09:54,237 --> 00:09:56,306 I'm sorry to interrupt your hard work 258 00:09:56,339 --> 00:09:58,308 cleaning bedpans-- the only thing you're qualified 259 00:09:58,341 --> 00:10:00,543 at any other hospital on Planet Earth. 260 00:10:00,576 --> 00:10:04,514 You-- Dead Inside-- I need you to rinse and sanitize 261 00:10:04,547 --> 00:10:06,516 these catheter tubes. 262 00:10:06,549 --> 00:10:07,951 Oh, careful. 263 00:10:07,984 --> 00:10:11,554 Some of 'em are still sort of juicy. 264 00:10:11,587 --> 00:10:14,858 And I'm gonna need you to strain these fecal samples, 265 00:10:14,891 --> 00:10:16,727 place them in saline solution, 266 00:10:16,760 --> 00:10:19,529 and then load them in enemas for fecal transplant. 267 00:10:19,562 --> 00:10:21,464 Ew! No, I'm not doing that! 268 00:10:21,497 --> 00:10:23,834 Sorry, Dr. Tiny Bitch, 269 00:10:23,867 --> 00:10:26,737 but Crohn's disease isn't gonna cure itself. 270 00:10:26,770 --> 00:10:27,838 (gasps) 271 00:10:27,871 --> 00:10:29,005 Why are you wearing sunglasses? 272 00:10:29,039 --> 00:10:30,040 Are you hung over? 273 00:10:33,443 --> 00:10:35,812 Pethidine doesn't give you a hangover. 274 00:10:35,846 --> 00:10:37,347 That's why I love it so much. 275 00:10:37,380 --> 00:10:39,249 But it's great to manage moderate to severe 276 00:10:39,282 --> 00:10:40,984 pains in the ass who don't belong 277 00:10:41,017 --> 00:10:42,986 within ten miles of a hospital. 278 00:10:43,019 --> 00:10:47,357 Oh. I also need you to get a semen sample 279 00:10:47,390 --> 00:10:51,494 from the guy in the coma in room 1219. 280 00:10:51,527 --> 00:10:53,864 His ex-wife's just dying to pull the plug. 281 00:10:53,897 --> 00:10:55,932 She's claiming their kid isn't his. 282 00:10:55,966 --> 00:10:58,268 How am I supposed to get his semen? 283 00:10:58,301 --> 00:11:00,737 (whispering): I think you know. 284 00:11:01,738 --> 00:11:03,539 Catch you later, bitches. 285 00:11:03,573 --> 00:11:06,777 (Chanel grunts) 286 00:11:08,044 --> 00:11:10,246 CHANEL: That is it! 287 00:11:10,280 --> 00:11:11,681 I am not cleaning one more pooey bedpan. 288 00:11:11,714 --> 00:11:14,184 Number Three, finish cleaning all of these, and then, 289 00:11:14,217 --> 00:11:16,252 bring me a latte and a scone at the Korean spa. 290 00:11:16,286 --> 00:11:18,388 I am getting a manicure and a vag steaming. 291 00:11:18,421 --> 00:11:22,625 No way. If anyone's vag is getting steamed, it's my vag. 292 00:11:22,658 --> 00:11:24,627 (crying): This is all just so wrong. 293 00:11:24,660 --> 00:11:28,531 I mean, an Oberlin hasn't worked in over 300 years. 294 00:11:28,564 --> 00:11:30,633 We have been genetically perfected over centuries 295 00:11:30,666 --> 00:11:33,469 of ordering people around to be good at only one thing. 296 00:11:33,503 --> 00:11:35,872 Ordering people around. 297 00:11:35,906 --> 00:11:38,074 That's it. 298 00:11:38,108 --> 00:11:40,276 The reason we have lost the will to live is because 299 00:11:40,310 --> 00:11:42,212 what's the point of living if we don't have people 300 00:11:42,245 --> 00:11:43,646 to boss around? Who are we 301 00:11:43,679 --> 00:11:45,581 if we don't have pledges to torture 302 00:11:45,615 --> 00:11:47,250 and make do stuff for us? 303 00:11:47,283 --> 00:11:48,919 How are we supposed to recruit pledges? 304 00:11:48,952 --> 00:11:50,753 We're not in a sorority anymore. 305 00:11:50,787 --> 00:11:53,790 This hospital is suddenly full of gross, sick people. 306 00:11:53,824 --> 00:11:57,127 I mean, way too many for the limited staff we have now. 307 00:11:57,160 --> 00:11:59,329 Dean Munsch and Nurse Hoffel need 308 00:11:59,362 --> 00:12:01,798 to hire more people, so we're gonna do it for them. 309 00:12:01,832 --> 00:12:04,734 We'll train them to be Chanels and make them our minions. 310 00:12:04,767 --> 00:12:06,837 I mean, if I learned anything from surviving the last 311 00:12:06,870 --> 00:12:08,304 serial killer who tried to kill us, 312 00:12:08,338 --> 00:12:10,440 it's that you always need a group of less attractive, 313 00:12:10,473 --> 00:12:12,075 less popular, less interesting people around 314 00:12:12,108 --> 00:12:14,244 for the killer to kill before you. 315 00:12:14,277 --> 00:12:17,113 Okay, that is genius. 316 00:12:17,147 --> 00:12:19,182 Which is why I'm the brains of this operation. 317 00:12:19,215 --> 00:12:20,616 Now let's hit the spa. 318 00:12:20,650 --> 00:12:22,252 These bedpans can wait 319 00:12:22,285 --> 00:12:24,654 until we find less attractive people around to clean them. 320 00:12:24,687 --> 00:12:27,023 (knocking) Yes! 321 00:12:29,359 --> 00:12:32,528 Dean Munsch, there's something I need to talk to you about. 322 00:12:32,562 --> 00:12:34,364 Mm-hmm. What is it? 323 00:12:34,397 --> 00:12:36,199 It's Chamberlain. I have my suspicions 324 00:12:36,232 --> 00:12:38,634 that he's the baby in the belly from 1985, 325 00:12:38,668 --> 00:12:40,503 and it's driving me crazy. 326 00:12:40,536 --> 00:12:42,272 'Cause I need to find out how you found him 327 00:12:42,305 --> 00:12:45,041 and what his interview was like? Who's Chamberlain? 328 00:12:45,075 --> 00:12:46,209 Chamberlain, the candy striper 329 00:12:46,242 --> 00:12:47,710 you hired from your Craigslist ad? 330 00:12:47,743 --> 00:12:49,112 We don't have a candy striper. 331 00:12:49,145 --> 00:12:51,948 And I would never take an ad out on Craigslist. 332 00:12:51,982 --> 00:12:53,349 That's where married men score meth 333 00:12:53,383 --> 00:12:54,985 and hook up with each other. 334 00:12:55,018 --> 00:12:57,153 So wait. You're saying you didn't hire him? 335 00:12:57,187 --> 00:13:00,690 Big guy, African-American, loveable, a bit of a stalker? 336 00:13:00,723 --> 00:13:02,893 Oh, that guy. I thought 337 00:13:02,926 --> 00:13:05,061 he was Dr. Brock Holt's assistant. 338 00:13:05,095 --> 00:13:09,165 Dr. Holt doesn't have an assistant. 339 00:13:09,199 --> 00:13:11,067 I mean, now he's my prime suspect. 340 00:13:11,101 --> 00:13:12,735 Oh, you think? 341 00:13:12,768 --> 00:13:15,238 An adult man wanders into a hospital 342 00:13:15,271 --> 00:13:18,308 and pretends to have a weird volunteer position 343 00:13:18,341 --> 00:13:21,477 that's almost exclusively reserved for young girls? 344 00:13:21,511 --> 00:13:23,813 It might not even be a thing anymore. 345 00:13:23,846 --> 00:13:27,683 You think... that he might have something 346 00:13:27,717 --> 00:13:29,519 to do with mass murder? 347 00:13:29,552 --> 00:13:31,387 I'm gonna get to the bottom of it. 348 00:13:31,421 --> 00:13:33,723 If we're gonna find out who that baby is, we're gonna need 349 00:13:33,756 --> 00:13:35,892 to find the mother first. 350 00:13:35,926 --> 00:13:37,928 (sighs) 351 00:13:44,034 --> 00:13:47,803 Come on, Mama, let's find out where you are. 352 00:13:52,976 --> 00:13:54,610 (thudding) 353 00:13:54,644 --> 00:13:55,678 Hello? 354 00:13:55,711 --> 00:13:58,048 WOMAN: (groans) Help me. 355 00:14:00,883 --> 00:14:03,053 Oh, my gosh! 356 00:14:03,086 --> 00:14:05,588 Chanel #5, what happened? 357 00:14:05,621 --> 00:14:09,425 Well, I was just trying to get up to get a teaspoon 358 00:14:09,459 --> 00:14:11,727 of mayonnaise, and then, I tripped, and I couldn't get up. 359 00:14:11,761 --> 00:14:12,862 What are you even doing here? 360 00:14:12,895 --> 00:14:16,032 You should be in the hospital. 361 00:14:16,066 --> 00:14:19,102 Yes, I should be in the hospital! 362 00:14:19,135 --> 00:14:20,803 I-I just had a machete thrust 363 00:14:20,836 --> 00:14:23,073 nine inches into my thorax, 364 00:14:23,106 --> 00:14:26,242 breaking three ribs, puncturing my left lung 365 00:14:26,276 --> 00:14:28,078 and entirely severing my right trapezoidal. 366 00:14:28,111 --> 00:14:29,812 I should be in the ICU. 367 00:14:29,845 --> 00:14:32,048 Well, that's where I thought you were. Oh, I was, 368 00:14:32,082 --> 00:14:33,549 until Chanel wheeled me in here. 369 00:14:33,583 --> 00:14:35,251 But then she told me it was just 370 00:14:35,285 --> 00:14:37,887 that I was more convenient to insult. In the meantime, 371 00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:41,391 no one is taking care of my actual life-threatening injury! 372 00:14:41,424 --> 00:14:45,795 I have received exactly zero Edible Arrangements. 373 00:14:45,828 --> 00:14:48,931 Well, listen, I will be happy to take care of you. 374 00:14:48,965 --> 00:14:51,634 And in return, I could really use your help. 375 00:14:51,667 --> 00:14:53,403 (scoffs) Help with what? 376 00:14:53,436 --> 00:14:54,837 We're gonna find the mother who was pregnant 377 00:14:54,870 --> 00:14:57,740 in the hospital on Halloween in 1985. 378 00:14:57,773 --> 00:14:59,442 I'm thinking we can head down to the police station 379 00:14:59,475 --> 00:15:00,843 and try to access the archives. 380 00:15:00,876 --> 00:15:02,178 I mean, if her husband went missing, 381 00:15:02,212 --> 00:15:03,746 she would have filed a report, right? 382 00:15:03,779 --> 00:15:05,148 I don't know. I mean, I don't really 383 00:15:05,181 --> 00:15:06,849 think in a way that is helpful to anyone. 384 00:15:06,882 --> 00:15:08,918 Just come on! 385 00:15:08,951 --> 00:15:10,953 (groaning) 386 00:15:21,397 --> 00:15:24,700 I need an update, Number Three! Any responses? 387 00:15:24,734 --> 00:15:26,536 What about the Chanel wait list? 388 00:15:26,569 --> 00:15:28,504 No responses, 389 00:15:28,538 --> 00:15:30,540 and everyone on the Chanel wait list passed. 390 00:15:30,573 --> 00:15:33,143 What is happening?! Two years ago, if I had posted 391 00:15:33,176 --> 00:15:35,445 on my socials that we were accepting applications 392 00:15:35,478 --> 00:15:37,380 for new Chanels, 393 00:15:37,413 --> 00:15:39,215 we'd have throngs of skinny, rich bitches 394 00:15:39,249 --> 00:15:41,117 banging down our door! 395 00:15:41,151 --> 00:15:44,554 I just don't understand why we even need any more Chanels. 396 00:15:44,587 --> 00:15:47,457 I told you, cow. We need cannon fodder. 397 00:15:47,490 --> 00:15:49,825 We need new Chanels for the Green Meanie to attack 398 00:15:49,859 --> 00:15:51,194 so he doesn't murder us! 399 00:15:51,227 --> 00:15:53,029 Uh, you already have that, Chanel. 400 00:15:53,063 --> 00:15:54,830 Her name is... me! 401 00:15:54,864 --> 00:15:57,200 The Green Meanie's already tried to murder me twice. 402 00:15:57,233 --> 00:15:59,369 Yeah, and pretty soon, he's probably going to succeed, 403 00:15:59,402 --> 00:16:01,371 and then where will we be, Number Five? 404 00:16:02,772 --> 00:16:04,740 It's time to start taking desperate measures. 405 00:16:04,774 --> 00:16:07,177 We need to start interviewing patients. 406 00:16:07,210 --> 00:16:09,345 Why do you think you'd make a good Chanel? 407 00:16:09,379 --> 00:16:11,414 Um, I don't, actually. 408 00:16:11,447 --> 00:16:13,549 I don't really know what you're talking about. 409 00:16:13,583 --> 00:16:16,652 You said you had some important information about my condition. 410 00:16:16,686 --> 00:16:18,588 No, I do have very important information. 411 00:16:18,621 --> 00:16:20,190 Your condition is about to improve 412 00:16:20,223 --> 00:16:22,425 by potentially becoming a Chanel. 413 00:16:22,458 --> 00:16:24,060 I don't understand. 414 00:16:24,094 --> 00:16:25,361 What's a Chanel? 415 00:16:25,395 --> 00:16:27,930 Duh. Us. We're Chanels. 416 00:16:27,963 --> 00:16:29,499 You like money, right? And telling it like it is? 417 00:16:29,532 --> 00:16:30,900 Yeah, I guess. 418 00:16:30,933 --> 00:16:32,735 It's done. Congratulations. 419 00:16:32,768 --> 00:16:35,238 You're a Chanel. 420 00:16:35,271 --> 00:16:38,007 How long would it take you to run a full sprint? I'm sorry? 421 00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:39,942 Like if a grown man was chasing you with a big stick 422 00:16:39,975 --> 00:16:41,711 that's shaped like a knife but made out of metal? 423 00:16:41,744 --> 00:16:44,680 So, a knife? Yeah. Do you think you could outrun him? 424 00:16:44,714 --> 00:16:47,450 Probably not. Congratulations. 425 00:16:47,483 --> 00:16:50,420 You're a Chanel. 426 00:16:50,453 --> 00:16:52,455 Let's go find the next potential Chanel. 427 00:16:52,488 --> 00:16:53,723 There aren't anymore. That's it. 428 00:16:53,756 --> 00:16:55,425 Those were all the patients. What?! 429 00:16:55,458 --> 00:16:57,427 Damn it, Number Three! We need at least one more Chanel 430 00:16:57,460 --> 00:16:59,061 to double our chances of survival! 431 00:16:59,095 --> 00:17:01,297 We're gonna have to do the unthinkable. 432 00:17:01,331 --> 00:17:02,965 No, not him. 433 00:17:02,998 --> 00:17:05,067 Look, I don't like it any more than you do, Number Three. 434 00:17:05,101 --> 00:17:06,969 We're gonna have to call Tristan. 435 00:17:07,002 --> 00:17:08,571 We first learned about Tristan 436 00:17:08,604 --> 00:17:11,741 when we were appealing our murder conviction. 437 00:17:11,774 --> 00:17:14,110 Some psycho was writing these handwritten novels 438 00:17:14,144 --> 00:17:15,745 where all the Chanels were lesbians, 439 00:17:15,778 --> 00:17:17,947 and all we did was have sex with each other. 440 00:17:17,980 --> 00:17:20,350 This is for you. 441 00:17:25,955 --> 00:17:28,924 "Hey, Chanel. My name's Tristan St. Pierre, 442 00:17:28,958 --> 00:17:30,326 "and I'm your biggest fan. 443 00:17:30,360 --> 00:17:31,661 "I heard about your murder trial, 444 00:17:31,694 --> 00:17:33,062 "so I thought I'd send you 445 00:17:33,095 --> 00:17:35,565 "some of my Chanel fan fiction. 446 00:17:35,598 --> 00:17:37,300 Enjoy!" 447 00:17:37,333 --> 00:17:39,135 CHANEL: I didn't think twice about it, 448 00:17:39,169 --> 00:17:40,903 and then, three weeks later... 449 00:17:40,936 --> 00:17:42,472 (phone chimes) 450 00:17:50,045 --> 00:17:51,347 (phone chimes) 451 00:17:56,118 --> 00:17:58,521 (phone chimes) 452 00:18:04,627 --> 00:18:06,462 TRISTAN: "...and I love it." 453 00:18:06,496 --> 00:18:08,698 CHANEL: That I was turning to Tristan now meant 454 00:18:08,731 --> 00:18:11,301 that it was dark times indeed. 455 00:18:12,968 --> 00:18:15,205 I don't understand what's happening here. 456 00:18:15,238 --> 00:18:17,039 Who are these people? 457 00:18:17,072 --> 00:18:19,209 Chanel #7 and 8. 458 00:18:19,242 --> 00:18:21,311 Number Five, show some respect. 459 00:18:21,344 --> 00:18:23,313 One has Abe Lincoln disease, 460 00:18:23,346 --> 00:18:25,181 and the other one can't move her face 461 00:18:25,215 --> 00:18:27,049 or something and is torture to talk to. 462 00:18:27,082 --> 00:18:29,485 Marfan, get out of the way. 463 00:18:29,519 --> 00:18:31,020 Who is that you're talking to? 464 00:18:31,053 --> 00:18:34,924 Number Five, may I introduce Chanel Pour Homme? 465 00:18:46,001 --> 00:18:48,804 What?! No. Okay, this is not allowed! 466 00:18:48,838 --> 00:18:50,806 A Chanel who is male and gay? 467 00:18:50,840 --> 00:18:52,242 I mean, that's simply out of the question! 468 00:18:52,275 --> 00:18:53,476 He's gonna steal 469 00:18:53,509 --> 00:18:54,910 all of our makeup and besides, 470 00:18:54,944 --> 00:18:56,412 Chanel, he seems like a serial killer. 471 00:18:56,446 --> 00:18:58,013 Okay, well, there's really no need 472 00:18:58,047 --> 00:18:59,815 to keep whispering, because everybody heard that! 473 00:18:59,849 --> 00:19:02,151 And besides, gays don't murder people. 474 00:19:02,184 --> 00:19:03,919 I mean, they're a-a peaceful, 475 00:19:03,953 --> 00:19:05,154 musical people, right? Mm-hmm. 476 00:19:05,187 --> 00:19:06,856 Name me one gay serial killer. 477 00:19:06,889 --> 00:19:08,391 John Wayne Gacy, Jeffrey Dahmer. 478 00:19:08,424 --> 00:19:10,192 It's a good bet one of those Menendez brothers 479 00:19:10,226 --> 00:19:11,894 was crawling into bed with the other one, too. 480 00:19:11,927 --> 00:19:13,429 Okay, fine. You know what? 481 00:19:13,463 --> 00:19:15,164 Maybe he is a serial killer. 482 00:19:15,197 --> 00:19:16,699 But he's also a twee, 483 00:19:16,732 --> 00:19:18,868 which means we could easily fight him off. Mm-hmm. 484 00:19:18,901 --> 00:19:20,236 And Number Three and I aren't 485 00:19:20,270 --> 00:19:22,204 cleaning your bedpans, Number Five. 486 00:19:22,238 --> 00:19:24,274 Plus, we should all feel a little safer 487 00:19:24,307 --> 00:19:26,509 now that we're surrounded by our new servants, 488 00:19:26,542 --> 00:19:28,110 slash human shields. 489 00:19:28,143 --> 00:19:30,246 Wait. Your what? A toast. 490 00:19:30,280 --> 00:19:33,115 To Number Seven, Number Eight, and Chanel Pour Homme. 491 00:19:33,148 --> 00:19:35,785 Mm-hmm. 492 00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:39,889 CASSIDY: Okay, so, 493 00:19:39,922 --> 00:19:43,926 you were in the U.N. commissary, and it was lunchtime you said? 494 00:19:43,959 --> 00:19:46,296 (Southern accent): Yes, I-I slipped on a plantain heel, 495 00:19:46,329 --> 00:19:49,031 and I hit my head on the linoleum floor. 496 00:19:49,064 --> 00:19:51,767 I told you, now I don't know how many times... Ms. Hotchkiss, 497 00:19:51,801 --> 00:19:55,237 you seem to be unaware of the fact that each time you speak, 498 00:19:55,271 --> 00:19:57,139 you take on a different accent. 499 00:19:57,172 --> 00:19:59,309 (Belgian accent): What did you say? He's right. 500 00:19:59,342 --> 00:20:01,277 In the last ten minutes, you've done 501 00:20:01,311 --> 00:20:03,212 Texan, Austrian, Norwegian, Vietnamese, 502 00:20:03,245 --> 00:20:04,814 Algerian, Botswanan, Tajik 503 00:20:04,847 --> 00:20:07,082 and something that sort of sounded like Bernie Sanders. 504 00:20:07,116 --> 00:20:10,252 Foreign Accent Syndrome-- that's what she has. 505 00:20:10,286 --> 00:20:11,387 There's no way there's actually 506 00:20:11,421 --> 00:20:12,988 something called "Foreign Accent Syndrome." 507 00:20:13,022 --> 00:20:15,057 I spent the whole night going through the medical files, 508 00:20:15,090 --> 00:20:17,159 going through white papers. 509 00:20:17,192 --> 00:20:18,461 Foreign Accent Syndrome is a real thing. 510 00:20:18,494 --> 00:20:20,162 Although it's extremely rare and 511 00:20:20,195 --> 00:20:23,098 usually associated with stroke or traumatic brain injury. 512 00:20:23,132 --> 00:20:24,467 See, right here. 513 00:20:24,500 --> 00:20:26,402 First condition was identified in 1907. 514 00:20:26,436 --> 00:20:29,104 61 cases have been reported since 1941. 515 00:20:29,138 --> 00:20:30,573 (Scottish accent): Now a minute. 516 00:20:30,606 --> 00:20:32,442 Are you saying I might have had a stroke? 517 00:20:32,475 --> 00:20:34,777 (Scottish accent): No. You didn't have a stroke. 518 00:20:34,810 --> 00:20:37,179 Did I just say that in sort of a weird Scottish accent? 519 00:20:37,212 --> 00:20:40,149 (Irish accent): Yes. Why did your accent just change? 520 00:20:40,182 --> 00:20:43,118 (Irish accent): Maybe it's contagious. Wait. 521 00:20:43,152 --> 00:20:45,921 Did I just say that in a weird Irish accent? 522 00:20:45,955 --> 00:20:49,425 (Irish accent): Sweet mother in heaven. It is contagious. 523 00:20:49,459 --> 00:20:51,794 (Scottish accent): Is that a Canadian accent? 524 00:20:51,827 --> 00:20:54,163 Has this disease somehow mutated and gone viral? 525 00:20:54,196 --> 00:20:55,531 Not Internet viral. 526 00:20:55,565 --> 00:20:57,032 Contagion viral. 527 00:20:57,066 --> 00:20:58,434 (Irish accent): Oh, crap. 528 00:20:58,468 --> 00:21:00,803 This must be what happened to Madonna. 529 00:21:00,836 --> 00:21:03,873 We need to call her. 530 00:21:03,906 --> 00:21:06,609 Thank you, Tristan. Mm-hmm. 531 00:21:06,642 --> 00:21:08,210 Now, stay close 532 00:21:08,243 --> 00:21:10,680 in case I need my face wiped or to have pieces 533 00:21:10,713 --> 00:21:12,147 or arugula picked from my teeth. 534 00:21:13,683 --> 00:21:15,150 Tristan, what is this? 535 00:21:15,184 --> 00:21:16,652 It's some new fan fiction. 536 00:21:16,686 --> 00:21:18,454 All of these new stories are just 537 00:21:18,488 --> 00:21:21,123 bursting out of me in thick ropes of inspiration. 538 00:21:21,156 --> 00:21:24,460 I can't stop writing. 539 00:21:24,494 --> 00:21:25,995 What is on your lips? Nothing. 540 00:21:26,028 --> 00:21:28,964 Did you steal my lipstick? No. 541 00:21:28,998 --> 00:21:30,633 That is Koko K on your lips. 542 00:21:30,666 --> 00:21:32,868 It is not. I wouldn't dare steal any of your makeup. 543 00:21:32,902 --> 00:21:35,170 It's all expired, and who knows what's living on your lips. 544 00:21:35,204 --> 00:21:38,140 (gasps) How dare you! 545 00:21:38,173 --> 00:21:41,176 Just for that, I'm gonna make you go get me more sweatpants. 546 00:21:41,210 --> 00:21:42,845 These ones are full of farts. 547 00:21:42,878 --> 00:21:44,547 ZAYDAY: Guys! Stop arguing. 548 00:21:44,580 --> 00:21:45,981 Look what I found in the file 549 00:21:46,015 --> 00:21:48,250 we got from the police department. 550 00:21:48,283 --> 00:21:50,486 A Jane Hollis filled out a missing persons report 551 00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:54,990 for her husband Bill November 2, 1985. 552 00:21:55,024 --> 00:21:57,527 That's exactly 48 hours after that nurse said 553 00:21:57,560 --> 00:21:59,194 she threw the patient in the swamp. 554 00:21:59,228 --> 00:22:01,063 I'm thinking if we find this Jane Hollis, 555 00:22:01,096 --> 00:22:03,065 we might be able to figure out who the killer is. 556 00:22:03,098 --> 00:22:05,868 Huh, there's an address in the file, Number Five. 557 00:22:05,901 --> 00:22:07,570 Maybe if we're lucky, she still lives there. 558 00:22:08,871 --> 00:22:10,406 (crickets chirring) 559 00:22:12,708 --> 00:22:15,110 (distant moaning) 560 00:22:17,580 --> 00:22:19,982 (rhythmic beeping) 561 00:22:23,986 --> 00:22:25,988 (woman moaning) 562 00:22:28,424 --> 00:22:30,426 Hello? 563 00:22:31,561 --> 00:22:35,164 (moaning continues) 564 00:22:37,399 --> 00:22:40,503 (moaning continues) 565 00:22:53,783 --> 00:22:55,250 WOMAN (whispering): Make them stop. 566 00:22:56,285 --> 00:22:57,319 Make who stop? 567 00:22:57,352 --> 00:23:00,122 The voices... in my head. 568 00:23:00,155 --> 00:23:02,725 Number Five, is that you? 569 00:23:02,758 --> 00:23:03,759 What are the voices 570 00:23:03,793 --> 00:23:05,327 telling you to do? 571 00:23:05,360 --> 00:23:08,097 (whispering): Kill... you. 572 00:23:08,130 --> 00:23:09,398 (both scream) 573 00:23:09,431 --> 00:23:12,334 (laughing) What is wrong with you? 574 00:23:12,367 --> 00:23:14,303 I'm psychotic and a sociopath. 575 00:23:14,336 --> 00:23:17,172 I'm also allergic to gluten, but most importantly, 576 00:23:17,206 --> 00:23:18,908 I miss you. 577 00:23:18,941 --> 00:23:20,476 A little birdie told me 578 00:23:20,510 --> 00:23:22,277 that you're recruiting new Chanels. 579 00:23:22,311 --> 00:23:24,246 I can't say I wasn't hurt that you didn't ask me first. 580 00:23:24,279 --> 00:23:25,280 We didn't ask you 581 00:23:25,314 --> 00:23:26,281 to rejoin because 582 00:23:26,315 --> 00:23:27,517 you tried to kill us! 583 00:23:27,550 --> 00:23:30,653 Which is exactly why you need me. 584 00:23:37,359 --> 00:23:38,528 Hey, whores. 585 00:23:38,561 --> 00:23:40,329 Hester's moving in with us. 586 00:23:40,362 --> 00:23:41,997 I prefer Chanel #6. 587 00:23:42,031 --> 00:23:43,766 (French accent): No way! 588 00:23:43,799 --> 00:23:45,868 She's a murderer and a brunette. 589 00:23:45,901 --> 00:23:47,269 There would be dead people 590 00:23:47,302 --> 00:23:49,138 and dark brown pubes all over the apartment. 591 00:23:50,372 --> 00:23:51,641 She told my parents 592 00:23:51,674 --> 00:23:53,108 to say that I was adopted. 593 00:23:53,142 --> 00:23:54,710 She also has the mind of a serial killer, 594 00:23:54,744 --> 00:23:57,713 which means she can help us avoid getting killed. 595 00:23:57,747 --> 00:23:59,815 And why are you speaking in a French accent? 596 00:23:59,849 --> 00:24:02,117 (Italian accent): A patient came in with a disease that makes you 597 00:24:02,151 --> 00:24:03,553 speak in-a foreign accents. 598 00:24:03,586 --> 00:24:05,387 It's-a contagious. 599 00:24:05,420 --> 00:24:09,191 Look, I appreciate that bringing Hester here 600 00:24:09,224 --> 00:24:11,060 creates a small risk that she may decide 601 00:24:11,093 --> 00:24:13,328 to slaughter us in our sleep, but I, for one, think 602 00:24:13,362 --> 00:24:15,330 the trade off of helping discover who the Green Meanie 603 00:24:15,364 --> 00:24:16,799 killer is makes it worth it. 604 00:24:16,832 --> 00:24:18,233 Well, then, why doesn't she 605 00:24:18,267 --> 00:24:19,835 just tell us who the killer is now?! 606 00:24:19,869 --> 00:24:21,637 It doesn't work that way. 607 00:24:21,671 --> 00:24:23,005 There are rules. 608 00:24:23,038 --> 00:24:24,406 Protocols. 609 00:24:24,439 --> 00:24:26,642 Watch. So, Hester, which one of the new Chanels 610 00:24:26,676 --> 00:24:28,744 should we use as bait to catch the Green Meanie 611 00:24:28,778 --> 00:24:30,580 Mm... and, thus, keep him from killing us. 612 00:24:30,613 --> 00:24:32,481 Great question, Chanel. 613 00:24:32,514 --> 00:24:33,883 The choice is obvious. 614 00:24:33,916 --> 00:24:35,517 Kill the annoying twink. Agreed. 615 00:24:35,551 --> 00:24:37,753 Agreed. (British accent): I disagree. 616 00:24:40,289 --> 00:24:42,257 HESTER: Number Three, I have all the answers. 617 00:24:44,226 --> 00:24:47,396 Fine. But she has to room with Number Five, 618 00:24:47,429 --> 00:24:49,164 just in case she decides to sleep-murder. 619 00:24:49,198 --> 00:24:51,166 And we cannot kill Twink. 620 00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:53,502 Ugh, fine! We'll kill Moebius girl. 621 00:24:53,535 --> 00:24:55,337 Agreed? 622 00:24:55,370 --> 00:24:57,106 Great. 623 00:24:57,139 --> 00:24:58,674 Number Five, I've got to ask you something. 624 00:24:58,708 --> 00:25:00,075 When you were at the apartment earlier, 625 00:25:00,109 --> 00:25:01,844 there was a strange pair of panties in the hamper 626 00:25:01,877 --> 00:25:03,846 that reeked of this really strong perfume 627 00:25:03,879 --> 00:25:05,615 and I thought I recognized the smell, 628 00:25:05,648 --> 00:25:07,216 but then I remembered... 629 00:25:07,249 --> 00:25:09,451 that was Hester's perfume. 630 00:25:09,484 --> 00:25:10,786 But those are my panties. 631 00:25:10,820 --> 00:25:12,454 I really liked Hester's perfume, 632 00:25:12,487 --> 00:25:15,057 so I decided to start dousing my panties in it. 633 00:25:15,090 --> 00:25:17,192 That's not what I was expecting. 634 00:25:17,226 --> 00:25:18,560 And what did you expect? 635 00:25:18,594 --> 00:25:20,395 That we finally tracked down Hester 636 00:25:20,429 --> 00:25:21,897 and asked her to live in the apartment with us, 637 00:25:21,931 --> 00:25:23,699 so she could help us find the killer, 638 00:25:23,733 --> 00:25:25,701 even though it's possible that she's the killer? 639 00:25:25,735 --> 00:25:27,269 That would be insane! 640 00:25:27,302 --> 00:25:28,804 That would be insane. 641 00:25:28,838 --> 00:25:30,706 Then maybe you should just not worry about it. 642 00:25:30,740 --> 00:25:32,608 And maybe you should stop sniffing panties 643 00:25:32,642 --> 00:25:34,076 that you pull out of the hamper. 644 00:25:39,248 --> 00:25:41,250 (doorbell rings) 645 00:25:42,251 --> 00:25:44,153 Ms. Jane Hollis. 646 00:25:44,186 --> 00:25:47,890 I'm sorry but I haven't seen my son in years. 647 00:25:47,923 --> 00:25:51,493 We've never had what you call a close relationship, but he is 648 00:25:51,526 --> 00:25:53,262 all I have. 649 00:25:53,295 --> 00:25:55,765 I never remarried and I never had any more children. 650 00:25:56,799 --> 00:25:58,768 (gags) 651 00:25:58,801 --> 00:26:01,003 Uh, the coffee's disgusting. 652 00:26:01,036 --> 00:26:02,571 It's not coffee, it's tea. 653 00:26:02,604 --> 00:26:04,506 I'm pretty sure that I ordered coffee. 654 00:26:04,539 --> 00:26:07,409 You didn't order anything because this is a home, 655 00:26:07,442 --> 00:26:08,844 not a restaurant. 656 00:26:09,879 --> 00:26:10,980 So, Ms. Hollis, 657 00:26:11,013 --> 00:26:13,315 speaking of your husband, um... 658 00:26:13,348 --> 00:26:14,984 what do you think happened to him? 659 00:26:15,017 --> 00:26:17,086 Well, I think he died that night. 660 00:26:17,119 --> 00:26:19,989 I think Dr. Mike and Nurse Thomas faked the paperwork 661 00:26:20,022 --> 00:26:22,424 releasing him from the hospital and then just tossed his body 662 00:26:22,457 --> 00:26:24,459 into the swamp to cover their tracks. 663 00:26:24,493 --> 00:26:25,661 I'm sure of it. 664 00:26:25,695 --> 00:26:27,096 Are you... sure... 665 00:26:27,129 --> 00:26:29,031 that they dumped the body in the swamp? 666 00:26:29,064 --> 00:26:30,933 And are you sure that 667 00:26:30,966 --> 00:26:32,534 you aren't the one who murdered your husband? 668 00:26:32,567 --> 00:26:34,269 Look. 669 00:26:34,303 --> 00:26:35,805 Maybe you two got into an argument. 670 00:26:35,838 --> 00:26:38,340 You fly off the handle, accidentally murder him, 671 00:26:38,373 --> 00:26:39,775 and then, what are you gonna do? 672 00:26:39,809 --> 00:26:40,843 You have to figure out a way 673 00:26:40,876 --> 00:26:42,011 to get rid of the body. 674 00:26:42,044 --> 00:26:44,446 And what better way 675 00:26:44,479 --> 00:26:46,281 to dispose of your husband's dead body, 676 00:26:46,315 --> 00:26:47,817 than bringing him to the ER, 677 00:26:47,850 --> 00:26:50,119 complaining of chest pains and then leaving it 678 00:26:50,152 --> 00:26:51,954 to Dr. Mike and poor Nurse Thomas 679 00:26:51,987 --> 00:26:54,056 to throw him in the swamp for you. 680 00:26:54,089 --> 00:26:56,191 I didn't murder my husband. 681 00:26:56,225 --> 00:26:57,727 I'm so sorry. 682 00:26:57,760 --> 00:26:59,995 Could you just give us a moment, please? 683 00:27:00,029 --> 00:27:01,563 (Zayday clears her throat) 684 00:27:01,596 --> 00:27:04,166 What is wrong with you? 685 00:27:04,199 --> 00:27:05,835 You are the worst sidekick ever. 686 00:27:05,868 --> 00:27:07,369 I'm sorry. 687 00:27:07,402 --> 00:27:09,739 I thought we were trying to solve a murder here. 688 00:27:09,772 --> 00:27:11,807 Forgive me for asking the tough questions. 689 00:27:11,841 --> 00:27:13,142 Those aren't tough questions. 690 00:27:13,175 --> 00:27:14,576 Look, it doesn't matter. 691 00:27:14,609 --> 00:27:16,311 Let's just get out of here because we already know 692 00:27:16,345 --> 00:27:18,513 what we came here to find out. 693 00:27:18,547 --> 00:27:20,515 That the baby in the belly can't be Chamberlain. 694 00:27:20,549 --> 00:27:22,384 Why? Because she's white. 695 00:27:23,585 --> 00:27:24,854 Um, Chanel #5 and I 696 00:27:24,887 --> 00:27:26,588 are gonna have to run. We, uh... 697 00:27:26,621 --> 00:27:28,858 we forgot we had an appointment. 698 00:27:28,891 --> 00:27:31,026 (chuckles) Thank you for your time. 699 00:27:31,060 --> 00:27:32,694 (chuckles) Oh. 700 00:27:32,728 --> 00:27:33,996 Who is that NBA player 701 00:27:34,029 --> 00:27:36,698 with you in that photo? 702 00:27:36,732 --> 00:27:38,367 Oh, was it like a Make-A-Wish 703 00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:40,235 sort of situation after your husband was murdered? 704 00:27:40,269 --> 00:27:42,738 That is my husband. 705 00:27:49,644 --> 00:27:52,014 ZAYDAY: Do you know what this means? 706 00:27:52,047 --> 00:27:53,715 Of course I don't. 707 00:27:53,749 --> 00:27:55,284 This means that Chamberlain 708 00:27:55,317 --> 00:27:57,119 could be the baby in the belly. 709 00:27:57,152 --> 00:28:00,155 I guess you're not such a bad sidekick, after all. 710 00:28:07,296 --> 00:28:10,099 (British accent): This doesn't make any sense. 711 00:28:10,132 --> 00:28:13,936 She said she fell backwards and hit her head, right? 712 00:28:13,969 --> 00:28:16,705 (South African accent): But the part of the brain that processes language 713 00:28:16,738 --> 00:28:19,641 is called the Broca's area and it's located 714 00:28:19,674 --> 00:28:22,144 in the front of the brain. 715 00:28:22,177 --> 00:28:25,080 Oh. I think my accent just changed. 716 00:28:25,114 --> 00:28:26,748 (British accent): Yes, I just noticed that. 717 00:28:26,782 --> 00:28:28,750 I mean, it's still a terrible accent, 718 00:28:28,784 --> 00:28:31,253 but before you sounded like Keanu in Dracula. 719 00:28:31,286 --> 00:28:33,388 (Australian accent): Now you sound like Leo in Blood Diamond. 720 00:28:33,422 --> 00:28:35,624 Crap, I think mine just changed, too. 721 00:28:35,657 --> 00:28:38,427 Yeah, before you sounded like Winona Ryder 722 00:28:38,460 --> 00:28:40,796 in The Crucible and now you sort of sound 723 00:28:40,830 --> 00:28:43,899 like Cameron Diaz in Gangs of New York. 724 00:28:43,933 --> 00:28:45,500 (Cockney English accent): I think I got a cure. 725 00:28:45,534 --> 00:28:46,668 Damn it. 726 00:28:46,701 --> 00:28:48,570 My accent keeps changing. 727 00:28:48,603 --> 00:28:51,006 Now I sound like Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins. 728 00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:53,608 What exactly did you figure out? What's the cure? 729 00:28:53,642 --> 00:28:55,477 (German accent): Now, that is the worst accent I've ever heard. 730 00:28:56,711 --> 00:28:57,813 When Ms. Hotchkiss fell 731 00:28:57,847 --> 00:28:59,815 and hit her head, 732 00:28:59,849 --> 00:29:02,617 she suffered a mild concussion, which caused swelling 733 00:29:02,651 --> 00:29:05,587 in the part of the brain that processes language. 734 00:29:05,620 --> 00:29:07,756 (Australian accent): Right, but the MRI showed swelling 735 00:29:07,789 --> 00:29:09,624 in the anterior part of the brain 736 00:29:09,658 --> 00:29:12,527 and the Broca's area is in the frontal lobe... 737 00:29:12,561 --> 00:29:14,263 ...as the first of two neural structures 738 00:29:14,296 --> 00:29:15,831 sub-serving linguistic processing. 739 00:29:15,865 --> 00:29:18,200 The Broca's area in the front 740 00:29:18,233 --> 00:29:21,470 and the Wernicke's area in the back... 741 00:29:21,503 --> 00:29:25,507 precisely where the MRI indicated swelling. 742 00:29:25,540 --> 00:29:28,010 (English accent): Wait, now you sound like Brad Pitt 743 00:29:28,043 --> 00:29:29,979 in Seven Years in Tibet. 744 00:29:30,012 --> 00:29:33,448 So, what do you propose? 745 00:29:33,482 --> 00:29:34,683 (Polish accent): Steroids? Mm-hmm. 746 00:29:34,716 --> 00:29:35,985 Why steroids? 747 00:29:36,018 --> 00:29:37,486 (New York accent): It should reduce 748 00:29:37,519 --> 00:29:39,855 the swelling in the temporal gyrus 749 00:29:39,889 --> 00:29:41,490 of the brain's dominant hemisphere, 750 00:29:41,523 --> 00:29:43,225 which, in this case, happens to be the left. 751 00:29:43,258 --> 00:29:44,960 I mean, it'll take me, what? 752 00:29:44,994 --> 00:29:46,728 Ten, 15 minutes to prepare the injection? 753 00:29:46,761 --> 00:29:47,997 Then I'll have you on a plane 754 00:29:48,030 --> 00:29:49,331 back to the U.N. in time for supper. 755 00:29:49,364 --> 00:29:50,632 Ah, eh... 756 00:29:50,665 --> 00:29:52,467 (Polish accent): Oh, thank you. 757 00:29:52,501 --> 00:29:54,303 I'm so relieved. 758 00:29:54,336 --> 00:29:55,670 But that doesn't explain 759 00:29:55,704 --> 00:29:57,139 what's happening to the three of you. 760 00:29:57,172 --> 00:29:58,373 (in German accent): I know. 761 00:29:58,407 --> 00:29:59,741 I fear the three of us will speak 762 00:29:59,774 --> 00:30:01,710 (Scottish accent): in sad, inconsistent accents 763 00:30:01,743 --> 00:30:03,045 (in German accent): for the rest of our lives. 764 00:30:04,246 --> 00:30:06,481 (indistinct announcement over intercom) 765 00:30:06,515 --> 00:30:07,682 (meows) 766 00:30:07,716 --> 00:30:10,085 Come on, let's go, little guy. 767 00:30:11,720 --> 00:30:13,588 All right, here we go. 768 00:30:15,224 --> 00:30:17,292 ZAYDAY: You're a real freak, you know that? 769 00:30:18,260 --> 00:30:19,594 Okay, hold on, many men enjoy 770 00:30:19,628 --> 00:30:21,396 light butt play during sex, all right? 771 00:30:21,430 --> 00:30:24,066 Doesn't make us freaks. I am as God made me. 772 00:30:24,099 --> 00:30:26,068 I'm talking about the kind of freak who just walks in 773 00:30:26,101 --> 00:30:28,837 off the street and pretends to get hired at a hospital. 774 00:30:28,870 --> 00:30:31,006 Okay, you caught me. 775 00:30:31,040 --> 00:30:32,507 All right? I'm sorry I lied, 776 00:30:32,541 --> 00:30:34,776 but there's nothing freaky about this. 777 00:30:34,809 --> 00:30:36,745 I just really like helping people, you know? 778 00:30:36,778 --> 00:30:38,047 And I was looking for a professional 779 00:30:38,080 --> 00:30:39,614 environment to do it in. 780 00:30:39,648 --> 00:30:41,283 You know the kind of looks I get 781 00:30:41,316 --> 00:30:42,684 wheeling around a magic cart 782 00:30:42,717 --> 00:30:44,753 on the streets, randomly doing good deeds? 783 00:30:44,786 --> 00:30:46,888 And you just happened to, what? Choose this hospital? 784 00:30:46,922 --> 00:30:48,857 Yeah, it's walking distance from the house. 785 00:30:48,890 --> 00:30:50,960 How can I wheel this big-ass cart all the way 786 00:30:50,993 --> 00:30:52,461 across town to County General? 787 00:30:52,494 --> 00:30:54,930 They'd never let me on the bus, ever. 788 00:30:54,964 --> 00:30:57,299 This is crazy, man. I thought you was different. 789 00:30:57,332 --> 00:30:58,467 I thought you would understand that 790 00:30:58,500 --> 00:30:59,634 there are actually some people 791 00:30:59,668 --> 00:31:00,869 who don't want to feel rich 792 00:31:00,902 --> 00:31:02,871 or be superior to everybody else. 793 00:31:02,904 --> 00:31:04,573 For some people, putting a smile 794 00:31:04,606 --> 00:31:06,808 on somebody's face is payment enough. 795 00:31:06,841 --> 00:31:08,110 (cat meows) 796 00:31:08,143 --> 00:31:09,544 Look, Zayday, 797 00:31:09,578 --> 00:31:12,081 all right, I'm a good person, okay? 798 00:31:12,114 --> 00:31:14,249 So, if that makes me a freak, 799 00:31:14,283 --> 00:31:17,252 then I'm gonna let my freak flag fly. 800 00:31:17,286 --> 00:31:19,421 How you feeling today? 801 00:31:21,356 --> 00:31:23,225 (posh British accent): Hello, everyone. 802 00:31:23,258 --> 00:31:24,994 I have good news and better news. 803 00:31:25,027 --> 00:31:26,228 The good news is 804 00:31:26,261 --> 00:31:27,762 our accents have all apparently 805 00:31:27,796 --> 00:31:28,763 settled into the same 806 00:31:28,797 --> 00:31:29,999 dignified, upper-crust, 807 00:31:30,032 --> 00:31:32,734 inconsistent English accent. 808 00:31:32,767 --> 00:31:34,303 (posh British accent): It's really incredible. 809 00:31:34,336 --> 00:31:36,171 We sound like the cast of Remains of the Day. 810 00:31:36,205 --> 00:31:39,008 The better news is I think I found a cure. 811 00:31:39,041 --> 00:31:42,177 Now, I found nothing in the medical literature 812 00:31:42,211 --> 00:31:45,180 about spontaneous Foreign Accent Syndrome occurring 813 00:31:45,214 --> 00:31:48,317 without the presence of brain trauma, except... 814 00:31:48,350 --> 00:31:51,353 a really obscure paper by a evolutionary biologist 815 00:31:51,386 --> 00:31:52,521 named Kleinfeldt 816 00:31:52,554 --> 00:31:53,922 from the University of Vienna, 817 00:31:53,955 --> 00:31:54,956 who coined the term 818 00:31:54,990 --> 00:31:56,291 "Madonna Syndrome." 819 00:31:56,325 --> 00:31:57,292 Madonna Syndrome? 820 00:31:57,326 --> 00:31:58,660 BROCK: Madonna Syndrome, yes. 821 00:31:58,693 --> 00:32:00,162 You see, when you're around a foreign accent, 822 00:32:00,195 --> 00:32:02,431 you start picking it up so you don't stand out. 823 00:32:02,464 --> 00:32:04,433 It's a method of social camouflage 824 00:32:04,466 --> 00:32:06,468 for the cultural outsider. 825 00:32:06,501 --> 00:32:07,969 You see, the more you fit in, 826 00:32:08,003 --> 00:32:09,938 the more likely you are to procreate. 827 00:32:09,971 --> 00:32:12,507 (posh British accent): Okay, well, how do you cure it? 828 00:32:12,541 --> 00:32:14,609 Kleinfeldt called the technique 829 00:32:14,643 --> 00:32:16,011 "Total Visuo-Linguistic Immersion." 830 00:32:16,045 --> 00:32:17,612 We basically lock ourselves in a room 831 00:32:17,646 --> 00:32:19,214 and watch nothing but movies 832 00:32:19,248 --> 00:32:20,515 and telly shows that feature 833 00:32:20,549 --> 00:32:22,017 straight-down-the-line, American accents. 834 00:32:22,051 --> 00:32:23,618 The three of us will spend 835 00:32:23,652 --> 00:32:24,886 the weekend watching these. 836 00:32:24,919 --> 00:32:25,954 Ah. 837 00:32:25,987 --> 00:32:27,956 Love American Style... 838 00:32:27,989 --> 00:32:30,025 ooh, American Bandstand... 839 00:32:30,059 --> 00:32:31,293 American Gigolo. 840 00:32:31,326 --> 00:32:34,029 And I thought we'd start 841 00:32:34,063 --> 00:32:35,964 by binge-watching The Americans. 842 00:32:35,997 --> 00:32:37,832 The Americans is about Russians. 843 00:32:37,866 --> 00:32:40,135 That's, like, the whole point of the show. BROCK: Fine. 844 00:32:40,169 --> 00:32:41,536 Then we'll binge-watch Neil Diamond 845 00:32:41,570 --> 00:32:42,904 singing "Coming to America." 846 00:32:42,937 --> 00:32:45,040 It's a rousing anthem that every American should watch, 847 00:32:45,074 --> 00:32:46,308 in my opinion. 848 00:32:46,341 --> 00:32:47,976 It's what we need as a nation. 849 00:32:48,009 --> 00:32:48,977 Um... 850 00:32:49,010 --> 00:32:50,679 I can't. 851 00:32:50,712 --> 00:32:53,882 I've got something planned this weekend. 852 00:32:53,915 --> 00:32:55,384 I'm sorry. 853 00:32:58,253 --> 00:33:01,556 Well... looks as though it's just, uh... 854 00:33:03,558 --> 00:33:05,694 ...going to be you and me. 855 00:33:10,732 --> 00:33:12,201 (knocking at door) Yes? 856 00:33:15,237 --> 00:33:16,338 You wanted to see me? 857 00:33:16,371 --> 00:33:19,508 Yes, please, come in. 858 00:33:19,541 --> 00:33:20,909 Um... (clears her throat) 859 00:33:20,942 --> 00:33:22,844 Why don't you take a seat? 860 00:33:22,877 --> 00:33:25,580 Actually, you know, I'm gonna save you the effort. 861 00:33:25,614 --> 00:33:26,915 You're fired. 862 00:33:26,948 --> 00:33:28,583 Excuse me? You heard me. 863 00:33:28,617 --> 00:33:32,587 I don't like the way you treat my staff. 864 00:33:32,621 --> 00:33:34,356 Oh, I presume you're talking about the Chanels, 865 00:33:34,389 --> 00:33:35,790 whom you hired as doctors, 866 00:33:35,824 --> 00:33:37,392 despite the fact they're not doctors. 867 00:33:37,426 --> 00:33:39,027 It's my hospital. 868 00:33:39,060 --> 00:33:41,563 It runs on my funding, which means I can hire 869 00:33:41,596 --> 00:33:43,632 whomever I choose to perform whatever task 870 00:33:43,665 --> 00:33:45,033 I deem appropriate. 871 00:33:45,066 --> 00:33:46,368 And, frankly, 872 00:33:46,401 --> 00:33:48,637 the way you treat and speak 873 00:33:48,670 --> 00:33:49,904 to the Chanels is: 874 00:33:49,938 --> 00:33:51,140 "A." offensive 875 00:33:51,173 --> 00:33:52,207 and "B"... 876 00:33:52,241 --> 00:33:53,242 you're obviously addicted 877 00:33:53,275 --> 00:33:54,276 to pethidine. 878 00:33:54,309 --> 00:33:56,445 Addicted? 879 00:33:56,478 --> 00:33:58,713 Where do you get off, you boozy, old hag? 880 00:33:58,747 --> 00:33:59,648 Yes! I take 881 00:33:59,681 --> 00:34:01,450 a daily dose of pethidine! 882 00:34:01,483 --> 00:34:03,552 A-A-And, yes, it's a very large dose, 883 00:34:03,585 --> 00:34:05,954 something like you would prescribe for a Clydesdale. 884 00:34:05,987 --> 00:34:07,322 But you know what? 885 00:34:07,356 --> 00:34:09,224 I love it! It is, hands down, 886 00:34:09,258 --> 00:34:11,493 the best friend I have ever had. 887 00:34:11,526 --> 00:34:13,162 It is like lover, friend, 888 00:34:13,195 --> 00:34:17,132 all wrapped up in some tiny, little, white tuxedo. 889 00:34:17,166 --> 00:34:18,800 I mean, I do. I do, I do. I think about it. 890 00:34:18,833 --> 00:34:20,068 I think about it morning, noon, and night, 891 00:34:20,101 --> 00:34:21,470 but addicted? No! 892 00:34:21,503 --> 00:34:22,537 I am not. 893 00:34:23,638 --> 00:34:25,006 Yes, I obviously am, 894 00:34:25,039 --> 00:34:27,476 but how dare you, you creaky, old whore! 895 00:34:27,509 --> 00:34:29,978 I want your office cleaned out in an hour. 896 00:34:31,346 --> 00:34:32,947 Oh, no. 897 00:34:37,452 --> 00:34:41,156 I don't think I'm going to be going anywhere. 898 00:34:41,190 --> 00:34:42,657 I just fired you. 899 00:34:42,691 --> 00:34:45,194 And I think you're about to rehire me. 900 00:34:45,227 --> 00:34:48,897 Unless you want word out about your disease. 901 00:34:50,131 --> 00:34:51,132 That's right. 902 00:34:51,166 --> 00:34:52,534 I know all about your little 903 00:34:52,567 --> 00:34:54,269 terminal illness you picked up 904 00:34:54,303 --> 00:34:57,972 accidentally eating human brains, which is insane, 905 00:34:58,006 --> 00:35:00,709 but somehow not quite as crazy as accidentally getting 906 00:35:00,742 --> 00:35:02,611 on a plane to New Guinea when you thought 907 00:35:02,644 --> 00:35:04,213 you were headed to New Jersey. 908 00:35:05,680 --> 00:35:08,883 I... I just wonder what the press would do 909 00:35:08,917 --> 00:35:10,352 with that little nugget. 910 00:35:10,385 --> 00:35:12,721 Oh, wait, I can see the headlines now. 911 00:35:14,055 --> 00:35:16,024 "Crone Munches Down on Brains, Gets Kuru, 912 00:35:16,057 --> 00:35:18,693 Buys Hospital, Still Dies." 913 00:35:18,727 --> 00:35:20,495 You wouldn't. 914 00:35:20,529 --> 00:35:21,830 I will. 915 00:35:21,863 --> 00:35:23,632 Wait, wait, what's that? 916 00:35:23,665 --> 00:35:27,869 Oh... I think that's the sound of me getting rehired. 917 00:35:31,172 --> 00:35:34,676 Don't cross me, slut, or I'll make damn sure 918 00:35:34,709 --> 00:35:37,212 it's the last thing you do. 919 00:35:45,354 --> 00:35:47,589 Surprise. 920 00:35:47,622 --> 00:35:49,824 Sorry, you scared me. 921 00:35:49,858 --> 00:35:50,825 Where have you been all day? 922 00:35:50,859 --> 00:35:52,261 Running errands... 923 00:35:52,294 --> 00:35:54,062 like you told me. 924 00:35:54,095 --> 00:35:55,897 Yeah, I don't care. 925 00:35:55,930 --> 00:35:58,400 Listen, I have awesome news. 926 00:35:58,433 --> 00:36:00,435 While you were gone, the Chanels and I decided 927 00:36:00,469 --> 00:36:02,671 it would be super fun if we celebrated the new Chanels 928 00:36:02,704 --> 00:36:04,906 by throwing a slumber party at the hospital. 929 00:36:04,939 --> 00:36:06,408 And we're gonna give each other makeovers. 930 00:36:06,441 --> 00:36:09,844 Oh, my God, I'm so excited. 931 00:36:09,878 --> 00:36:11,880 ("Dancing in Heaven" by Q-Feel plays) 932 00:36:14,983 --> 00:36:16,518 * Are you ready? Here we go * 933 00:36:16,551 --> 00:36:17,752 * Slow, slow 934 00:36:17,786 --> 00:36:20,422 * Quick-quick, slow 935 00:36:20,455 --> 00:36:23,525 * Slow, slow, quick-quick, slow * 936 00:36:23,558 --> 00:36:25,560 * Dancing in heaven 937 00:36:25,594 --> 00:36:27,262 * Here we go * * I never thought 938 00:36:27,296 --> 00:36:28,863 * I'd ever get my feet this far * 939 00:36:28,897 --> 00:36:30,399 * Orbital be-bop * 940 00:36:30,432 --> 00:36:33,735 * Dancing in heaven * Here we go 941 00:36:33,768 --> 00:36:35,236 * I never thought I'd ever get 942 00:36:35,270 --> 00:36:36,371 * My feet this far 943 00:36:36,405 --> 00:36:37,772 * Orbital be-bop... * 944 00:36:37,806 --> 00:36:39,107 Time for gifts! 945 00:36:39,140 --> 00:36:40,375 Gather around. 946 00:36:40,409 --> 00:36:41,543 We have a special 947 00:36:41,576 --> 00:36:42,544 surprise gift for you, 948 00:36:42,577 --> 00:36:44,413 Chanel #8-- an Hermès 949 00:36:44,446 --> 00:36:46,147 Infinity Choker hidden somewhere in the morgue 950 00:36:46,180 --> 00:36:48,149 that you have to go all by yourself now to find it. 951 00:36:48,182 --> 00:36:49,418 No way! 952 00:36:49,451 --> 00:36:50,985 This is so much fun. 953 00:36:52,020 --> 00:36:54,088 * Boogie my way... 954 00:36:54,122 --> 00:36:55,790 Think the Meanie will take the bait? 955 00:36:55,824 --> 00:36:58,226 Consider it his or her sacrifice for the week and leave us alone? 956 00:36:58,259 --> 00:36:59,861 Fo' sho'. 957 00:37:10,972 --> 00:37:12,240 (clears throat) 958 00:37:12,273 --> 00:37:14,443 Geez, you scared me. 959 00:37:14,476 --> 00:37:16,811 Listen up, bitch. I've been saving up 960 00:37:16,845 --> 00:37:20,248 to buy a Hermès silver Infinity Choker forever, 961 00:37:20,281 --> 00:37:24,453 and I'll be damned if I'm gonna stand by and let you have it. 962 00:37:24,486 --> 00:37:26,154 But they said it was for me. 963 00:37:26,187 --> 00:37:28,457 Then you'd better find it before I do, bitch. 964 00:37:29,658 --> 00:37:30,759 Where is it? 965 00:37:30,792 --> 00:37:34,162 * I'll be the first to bossa nova * 966 00:37:34,195 --> 00:37:37,499 Wasted space. 967 00:37:37,532 --> 00:37:41,536 * Boogie my way beyond the radar * 968 00:37:41,570 --> 00:37:45,273 * I'll bring a jive to outer space * 969 00:37:45,306 --> 00:37:46,708 * Dancing in heaven... 970 00:37:46,741 --> 00:37:48,209 What are you doing here? 971 00:37:48,242 --> 00:37:50,044 I was looking for my present, 972 00:37:50,078 --> 00:37:53,848 but then Chanel Pour Homme said he wanted it more than I did 973 00:37:53,882 --> 00:37:56,651 so I figured I'd just let him have it. 974 00:37:56,685 --> 00:37:58,387 Then I came back up here. 975 00:37:58,420 --> 00:37:59,488 Oh, no. 976 00:37:59,521 --> 00:38:01,490 * Here I am 977 00:38:01,523 --> 00:38:05,494 * I hear the universe sing the celestial swing * 978 00:38:05,527 --> 00:38:08,497 * I am not alone 979 00:38:08,530 --> 00:38:10,499 * Are you receiving me clear? 980 00:38:10,532 --> 00:38:12,701 * There's others out here 981 00:38:12,734 --> 00:38:15,136 * Dancing in heaven Here we go. 982 00:38:15,169 --> 00:38:16,838 * I never thought 983 00:38:16,871 --> 00:38:19,508 * I'd ever get my feet this far, orbital bebop. * 984 00:38:31,219 --> 00:38:33,588 (squelching sounds) 985 00:38:36,257 --> 00:38:37,892 (screaming) 986 00:38:44,032 --> 00:38:46,367 Dean Munsch, we can explain. Explain what? 987 00:38:46,401 --> 00:38:48,202 That you hired three new Chanels 988 00:38:48,236 --> 00:38:50,238 to be bait for the Green Meanie? 989 00:38:50,271 --> 00:38:51,372 Um, I... Yeah, 990 00:38:51,406 --> 00:38:52,373 I heard all about it. 991 00:38:52,407 --> 00:38:53,775 Chanel #5 told me. 992 00:38:53,808 --> 00:38:56,210 Okay... You stupid bitch! 993 00:38:56,244 --> 00:38:58,179 Chanel, a man died. 994 00:38:58,212 --> 00:38:59,681 I didn't want Chanel Pour Homme to die. 995 00:38:59,714 --> 00:39:01,349 I sent Chanel #8 to the morgue. 996 00:39:01,382 --> 00:39:03,518 I'm standing right here! 997 00:39:03,552 --> 00:39:04,686 (posh accent): You know, the more that 998 00:39:04,719 --> 00:39:06,087 I think about it, I don't really think 999 00:39:06,120 --> 00:39:07,388 we thought this plan through. 1000 00:39:07,422 --> 00:39:09,891 Yes, we did. These Chanels are bait. 1001 00:39:09,924 --> 00:39:11,626 Yes, but we never set a trap. 1002 00:39:11,660 --> 00:39:13,728 The Green Meanie just took the bait and got away. 1003 00:39:13,762 --> 00:39:16,898 And where is Hester? Her cell is empty. 1004 00:39:16,931 --> 00:39:18,399 If I don't find out what happened to her, 1005 00:39:18,433 --> 00:39:21,235 I'm gonna have to report that breach to the FBI. 1006 00:39:21,269 --> 00:39:22,904 I don't know where Hester is. 1007 00:39:22,937 --> 00:39:25,139 I mean, am I my sister's keeper?! 1008 00:39:25,173 --> 00:39:26,908 Maybe she killed herself! 1009 00:39:26,941 --> 00:39:29,077 Or maybe she's moved to a neighboring state 1010 00:39:29,110 --> 00:39:30,579 with a less onerous tax burden 1011 00:39:30,612 --> 00:39:32,246 and started killing people there. 1012 00:39:32,280 --> 00:39:34,215 Honestly, that's probably what happened. 1013 00:39:34,248 --> 00:39:36,050 I mean, she is always going on 1014 00:39:36,084 --> 00:39:37,886 about how onerous the taxes are here. Isn't that right? 1015 00:39:37,919 --> 00:39:39,120 Totally. So onerous. 1016 00:39:39,153 --> 00:39:40,489 Stop talking! 1017 00:39:41,656 --> 00:39:44,258 I must commend you. 1018 00:39:44,292 --> 00:39:46,595 Your idea had merit. 1019 00:39:46,628 --> 00:39:48,396 (chuckles) I mean, with the added influx 1020 00:39:48,429 --> 00:39:50,064 of new patients to this hospital, 1021 00:39:50,098 --> 00:39:51,666 the workload here has doubled, 1022 00:39:51,700 --> 00:39:54,803 so if these Chanels help you work more efficiently, 1023 00:39:54,836 --> 00:39:57,005 then I'm all for it. 1024 00:39:57,038 --> 00:39:59,140 Although I officially 1025 00:39:59,173 --> 00:40:02,176 cannot condone the... (clears throat) 1026 00:40:02,210 --> 00:40:03,344 You know? Look, 1027 00:40:03,377 --> 00:40:05,680 we get it. We're human shields. 1028 00:40:05,714 --> 00:40:08,116 We can all stop pussyfooting around it, 1029 00:40:08,149 --> 00:40:09,818 because I, myself, am fine 1030 00:40:09,851 --> 00:40:11,152 with the arrangement. 1031 00:40:11,185 --> 00:40:13,755 I've really gotten used to the clothes. 1032 00:40:13,788 --> 00:40:14,989 MUNSCH: Well, 1033 00:40:15,023 --> 00:40:16,991 to your point, 1034 00:40:17,025 --> 00:40:19,828 I have taken the liberty 1035 00:40:19,861 --> 00:40:23,698 of adding some additional Chanels myself. 1036 00:40:23,732 --> 00:40:25,333 Ladies! 1037 00:40:26,535 --> 00:40:31,806 This is Addison, Andrea and Midge. 1038 00:40:31,840 --> 00:40:32,941 Chanel #9 here 1039 00:40:32,974 --> 00:40:35,710 is a semiprofessional Dungeon Master. 1040 00:40:35,744 --> 00:40:39,280 Chanel #10 was born with no kidneys 1041 00:40:39,313 --> 00:40:42,183 but has 30 extra feet of large intestine. 1042 00:40:42,216 --> 00:40:46,120 And Chanel #11 has 11 fingers. 1043 00:40:46,154 --> 00:40:50,692 Yeah. So, Chanels #9 through #11, 1044 00:40:50,725 --> 00:40:51,993 meet Chanels #1 through #8. 1045 00:40:55,496 --> 00:40:58,499 Listen up, bovines. Polite society says 1046 00:40:58,533 --> 00:41:00,234 we can't haze you. 1047 00:41:00,268 --> 00:41:03,738 But we can insist that you clean Chanel #5's bedpans 1048 00:41:03,772 --> 00:41:05,173 before we return home. 1049 00:41:05,206 --> 00:41:07,542 And she takes monster dumps. 1050 00:41:07,576 --> 00:41:09,410 I want that thing sanitized. 1051 00:41:09,443 --> 00:41:10,912 I want it so clean 1052 00:41:10,945 --> 00:41:14,616 that we could eat novelty sundaes out of it! 1053 00:41:18,019 --> 00:41:19,253 Now! 1054 00:41:23,424 --> 00:41:25,226 Now... 1055 00:41:25,259 --> 00:41:28,229 I am going to find out what happened to Hester 1056 00:41:28,262 --> 00:41:30,231 if it's the last thing I do. 1057 00:41:30,264 --> 00:41:33,067 And if it turns out that you three harbored 1058 00:41:33,101 --> 00:41:34,836 a known serial killer, 1059 00:41:34,869 --> 00:41:38,339 I am going to report you as accessories to murder. 1060 00:41:38,372 --> 00:41:41,342 And when they sentence you to the electric chair, 1061 00:41:41,375 --> 00:41:44,879 I'm gonna stand there and watch you fry. 1062 00:41:46,147 --> 00:41:48,349 Now... (squeaks) 1063 00:41:48,382 --> 00:41:51,219 ...who wants to tell me where Hester is? 1064 00:41:58,760 --> 00:42:01,395 I don't get it. What's in it for us? 1065 00:42:01,429 --> 00:42:04,065 Like, do we get paid? I don't know. 1066 00:42:04,098 --> 00:42:06,735 I think it's more like an internship. 1067 00:42:06,768 --> 00:42:08,469 (screaming) 1068 00:42:12,974 --> 00:42:14,676 (screaming) 1069 00:42:22,016 --> 00:42:24,452 Oh, my God. 1070 00:42:27,856 --> 00:42:29,123 Thank you! 1071 00:42:38,800 --> 00:42:41,102 (door opens) 1072 00:42:43,371 --> 00:42:45,740 Baby, is that you? (door shuts) 1073 00:42:45,774 --> 00:42:48,176 I'm making breakfast for dinner. 1074 00:42:48,209 --> 00:42:50,178 I know how much you like that. 1075 00:42:50,211 --> 00:42:52,613 CASSIDY: Hi, Mom. 1076 00:42:55,383 --> 00:42:57,285 Smells delicious. 1077 00:42:57,318 --> 00:43:00,254 Wash your hands and sit. 1078 00:43:00,288 --> 00:43:04,092 Some people came by from the hospital. 1079 00:43:04,125 --> 00:43:06,661 They know about your dad. 1080 00:43:06,695 --> 00:43:09,764 They asked about you. 1081 00:43:09,798 --> 00:43:13,334 Well, not you, exactly, but... 1082 00:43:13,367 --> 00:43:15,369 my baby. 1083 00:43:15,403 --> 00:43:18,973 You think we need to do something about it? 1084 00:43:22,476 --> 00:43:24,846 Don't worry, Mom. 1085 00:43:27,849 --> 00:43:30,518 I'll take care of everything. 1086 00:43:30,551 --> 00:43:33,187 You are so good to me. 1087 00:43:35,189 --> 00:43:36,891 After all you've been through 1088 00:43:36,925 --> 00:43:38,659 and all you've done for me, 1089 00:43:38,693 --> 00:43:40,661 you deserve it. 1090 00:43:40,695 --> 00:43:43,397 You deserve the whole world. 1091 00:43:54,075 --> 00:43:58,713 * Don't turn around 1092 00:44:01,182 --> 00:44:05,787 * I'll bury you deep 1093 00:44:08,589 --> 00:44:13,594 * Whispers turn to screams 1094 00:44:15,930 --> 00:44:19,567 * You belong to me 1095 00:44:21,535 --> 00:44:23,404 * To me. 1096 00:44:26,474 --> 00:44:29,410 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH