1
00:00:01,145 --> 00:00:04,648
(siren whooping,
indistinct police radio chatter)

2
00:00:10,287 --> 00:00:13,457
So... a large plant
murdered Ms. Hobart,

3
00:00:13,490 --> 00:00:17,894
and then attempted to murder you
before you passed out.

4
00:00:17,928 --> 00:00:20,964
You were then awakened moments
later by Mr. Jackson here,

5
00:00:20,997 --> 00:00:23,834
who probably
frightened the monster away.

6
00:00:26,637 --> 00:00:30,607
And now Ms. Hobart's body
is missing.

7
00:00:30,641 --> 00:00:33,944
Is that what
you'd have us believe?

8
00:00:33,977 --> 00:00:37,414
Or it was someone dressed up
as a large plant.

9
00:00:39,416 --> 00:00:42,586
Suspect can't stick to a story.

10
00:00:42,619 --> 00:00:44,321
What-- "suspect"?

11
00:00:44,355 --> 00:00:47,158
How did I become a suspect?

12
00:00:47,191 --> 00:00:50,594
I was... I was locked
in the bathtub.

13
00:00:50,627 --> 00:00:54,465
How could I have smeared
a 200-foot trail

14
00:00:54,498 --> 00:00:56,300
of swamp slime
across the hallway,

15
00:00:56,333 --> 00:00:58,769
then decapitate a werewolf?

16
00:00:58,802 --> 00:01:00,837
I mean, why would
I do that? Why?

17
00:01:00,871 --> 00:01:02,739
Mm.

18
00:01:02,773 --> 00:01:05,576
Suspect unclear of
her own motives.

19
00:01:05,609 --> 00:01:06,810
(gasps)

20
00:01:06,843 --> 00:01:08,279
I'm just curious,

21
00:01:08,312 --> 00:01:10,347
do you have to have
graduated high school

22
00:01:10,381 --> 00:01:12,483
to become a detective?
No, ma'am.

23
00:01:12,516 --> 00:01:14,418
I know what I saw, okay?!

24
00:01:14,451 --> 00:01:17,154
There is a killer on the loose!

25
00:01:17,188 --> 00:01:18,589
Chamberlain?

26
00:01:18,622 --> 00:01:20,924
Chamberlain, tell them.

27
00:01:20,957 --> 00:01:22,693
Well, I did
hear them screaming,

28
00:01:22,726 --> 00:01:24,295
but by the time
I got down here,

29
00:01:24,328 --> 00:01:26,197
it was only Chanel #5
in the room.

30
00:01:26,230 --> 00:01:28,499
That is,
until Dr. Munsch walked in.

31
00:01:28,532 --> 00:01:31,302
Well, the Wi-Fi is down
in my apartment.

32
00:01:31,335 --> 00:01:34,037
I was on a Skype call
in my office.

33
00:01:34,070 --> 00:01:35,272
Dean Munsch.

34
00:01:35,306 --> 00:01:37,874
Number Five is
obviously crazy.

35
00:01:37,908 --> 00:01:39,976
She probably murdered Catherine
herself for the attention,

36
00:01:40,010 --> 00:01:42,546
because she hasn't been touched
in months.

37
00:01:42,579 --> 00:01:44,114
I don't even think
she's touched herself.

38
00:01:44,147 --> 00:01:45,849
Even her hand
thinks she's gross.

39
00:01:45,882 --> 00:01:48,185
The closest she's gotten to sex
is when a bookshelf fell on her.

40
00:01:48,219 --> 00:01:50,221
Yeah. Number Five
is just jealous

41
00:01:50,254 --> 00:01:52,323
because Number Three and I
got asked out

42
00:01:52,356 --> 00:01:54,891
by Dr. Brock and Dr. Cascade,
and she didn't.

43
00:01:54,925 --> 00:01:56,360
So while we were on our way

44
00:01:56,393 --> 00:01:58,195
to our hot double date
in Bonetown,

45
00:01:58,229 --> 00:02:00,297
she decided to
sabotage it,

46
00:02:00,331 --> 00:02:03,166
by killing a poor,
defenseless, hairless creature.

47
00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:05,569
Hiding the body and forcing us
to hurry back to listen to

48
00:02:05,602 --> 00:02:07,304
the least-terrifying story
anyone has ever heard.

49
00:02:07,338 --> 00:02:09,005
(crying)
All right.

50
00:02:09,039 --> 00:02:11,074
I don't think we're ever gonna
really know what happened here.

51
00:02:11,107 --> 00:02:12,876
What?!

52
00:02:12,909 --> 00:02:15,812
Sorry, sweetheart. The evidence
is just inconclusive.

53
00:02:15,846 --> 00:02:17,748
Call me if anything else
comes up.

54
00:02:17,781 --> 00:02:22,319
In the meantime, no more made-up
stories that aren't that scary.

55
00:02:22,353 --> 00:02:26,189
I'm telling the truth.
I swear.

56
00:02:26,223 --> 00:02:28,225
*

57
00:02:31,795 --> 00:02:33,163
BROCK:
Tyler, can you tell us

58
00:02:33,196 --> 00:02:34,931
when the growths
first appeared?

59
00:02:34,965 --> 00:02:36,967
About two years ago.
Hold on.

60
00:02:40,036 --> 00:02:42,172
Have you ever tried
popping those?

61
00:02:42,205 --> 00:02:44,408
Uh-uh. Nope.
We've already talked about this.

62
00:02:44,441 --> 00:02:46,943
I'm not gonna sit here while you
try to demean another patient.

63
00:02:46,977 --> 00:02:49,112
I am not demeaning anyone.

64
00:02:49,145 --> 00:02:51,214
I am being brash
and confident,

65
00:02:51,248 --> 00:02:53,049
because I am
the out-of-the-box thinker

66
00:02:53,083 --> 00:02:54,951
who brilliantly solved
our last case

67
00:02:54,985 --> 00:02:57,388
without resorting to a
full-frontal lobotomy.

68
00:02:57,421 --> 00:02:58,955
Well...
If I was gonna be mean,

69
00:02:58,989 --> 00:03:00,391
I'd ask him
if he kissed a toad.

70
00:03:00,424 --> 00:03:01,758
Or if he was a toad.

71
00:03:01,792 --> 00:03:04,194
If he at least had some lineage,
like a toad grandparent.

72
00:03:04,227 --> 00:03:06,763
Or if he rented out his pores
on Airbnb for hundreds

73
00:03:06,797 --> 00:03:09,600
of expectant female spiders
to lay their eggs in.

74
00:03:09,633 --> 00:03:10,767
Okay, we get it.

75
00:03:10,801 --> 00:03:13,036
You're not being mean.

76
00:03:13,069 --> 00:03:16,973
Yes, um, I have tried it,
but it hurts,

77
00:03:17,007 --> 00:03:20,043
and it doesn't work
because they're not zits.

78
00:03:20,076 --> 00:03:23,314
I was diagnosed with
neurofibromatosis type 1,

79
00:03:23,347 --> 00:03:25,549
which my doctor said
it was genetic.

80
00:03:25,582 --> 00:03:28,452
Well, Tyler, there's
good news and bad news.

81
00:03:28,485 --> 00:03:32,389
Good news is that there's
a machine called a CO2 laser

82
00:03:32,423 --> 00:03:34,224
that can shrink and
eventually remove your tumors.

83
00:03:34,257 --> 00:03:36,126
It's completely painless.

84
00:03:36,159 --> 00:03:37,794
Really? That's-that's great.
Mm-hmm.

85
00:03:37,828 --> 00:03:39,496
Well, you didn't wait
for the bad news.

86
00:03:39,530 --> 00:03:41,298
Yeah, the bad news is they're,
they're-they're cumbersome

87
00:03:41,332 --> 00:03:43,767
and they're super expensive
and we don't have one.

88
00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:45,769
I don't have any money.
The only money I make

89
00:03:45,802 --> 00:03:47,304
is writing Encyclopedia Brown
fan fiction.

90
00:03:47,338 --> 00:03:49,272
I used to love
Encyclopedia Brown.

91
00:03:49,306 --> 00:03:50,307
Yeah, you would.

92
00:03:50,341 --> 00:03:52,409
Look at me.

93
00:03:52,443 --> 00:03:54,745
Look at me. I'm a monster.

94
00:03:54,778 --> 00:03:56,447
I don't have
anywhere else to go.

95
00:03:56,480 --> 00:03:58,014
My life is a complete mess.

96
00:03:58,048 --> 00:04:00,083
I'm desperate.

97
00:04:00,116 --> 00:04:02,619
So can you please,
please, just

98
00:04:02,653 --> 00:04:04,655
help me?

99
00:04:09,326 --> 00:04:11,328
MUNSCH:
Oh! Zayday.

100
00:04:14,030 --> 00:04:15,832
You don't happen to know
if there are any

101
00:04:15,866 --> 00:04:18,134
New Guinean restaurants
in town, do you?

102
00:04:18,168 --> 00:04:19,603
No.

103
00:04:19,636 --> 00:04:21,204
I didn't even know
that was a thing.

104
00:04:21,237 --> 00:04:23,006
Yeah.
I just have a taste for it.

105
00:04:23,039 --> 00:04:24,307
As you were.

106
00:04:30,046 --> 00:04:31,682
Chamberlain, right?

107
00:04:31,715 --> 00:04:33,550
Could I talk to you
for a minute?

108
00:04:33,584 --> 00:04:36,119
Okay, so you changed your mind;
you want to go out with me.

109
00:04:36,152 --> 00:04:37,754
What? No.

110
00:04:38,889 --> 00:04:40,023
It's Munsch.

111
00:04:40,056 --> 00:04:41,291
There's something
bugging me about her,

112
00:04:41,324 --> 00:04:43,494
and there's nobody else
I can talk to about it.

113
00:04:43,527 --> 00:04:44,995
I'm suspicious.

114
00:04:45,028 --> 00:04:46,563
I mean, why would she
want to run a hospital

115
00:04:46,597 --> 00:04:47,564
in the first place?

116
00:04:47,598 --> 00:04:49,199
I don't know,
to help people?

117
00:04:49,232 --> 00:04:51,568
Yeah, but she also
was the dean of a university.

118
00:04:51,602 --> 00:04:54,971
Why would she start a hospital
to cure only a handful of people

119
00:04:55,005 --> 00:04:56,640
with really obscure diseases?

120
00:04:56,673 --> 00:04:59,510
I mean, she had to pour every
penny she had into this place.

121
00:04:59,543 --> 00:05:01,211
Who does that?

122
00:05:01,244 --> 00:05:02,345
She is rich.

123
00:05:02,379 --> 00:05:04,548
And why would she hire me
and the Chanels?

124
00:05:04,581 --> 00:05:06,750
The Chanels are idiots,
and she hates them.

125
00:05:06,783 --> 00:05:08,819
Like really hates them,
hates them.

126
00:05:08,852 --> 00:05:11,522
I believe you got
a theory. I do.

127
00:05:11,555 --> 00:05:13,023
There's something
about the story

128
00:05:13,056 --> 00:05:14,991
that Number Five was
telling the other day.

129
00:05:15,025 --> 00:05:17,828
I mean, she said the swamp
monster that killed Catherine

130
00:05:17,861 --> 00:05:20,397
was about to kill her,
and then you scared it off.

131
00:05:20,431 --> 00:05:21,998
And Dean Munsch
was just upstairs

132
00:05:22,032 --> 00:05:24,100
in her office
the whole time?

133
00:05:24,134 --> 00:05:25,502
After hours?

134
00:05:25,536 --> 00:05:27,037
You said it yourself.

135
00:05:27,070 --> 00:05:28,872
Dean Munsch said good night
to both you

136
00:05:28,905 --> 00:05:31,875
and Chanel Number Five long
before Catherine was murdered.

137
00:05:31,908 --> 00:05:34,745
So what, you think
she's in on it?
She has to be.

138
00:05:34,778 --> 00:05:37,080
It's the only thing that makes
any of this make sense.

139
00:05:37,113 --> 00:05:38,715
I think she's out for revenge.

140
00:05:38,749 --> 00:05:41,718
I think she gathered all the
Chanels here in one place,

141
00:05:41,752 --> 00:05:45,121
so she could knock them off
one by one.

142
00:05:45,155 --> 00:05:46,923
It's like Ten Little Indians.

143
00:05:46,957 --> 00:05:49,092
Whoa, what? You can't say that.
Ten Little Indians.

144
00:05:49,125 --> 00:05:50,461
Agatha Christie novel.

145
00:05:50,494 --> 00:05:52,062
That still doesn't make it okay.
Look, okay.

146
00:05:52,095 --> 00:05:53,464
That's not the point;
the point is,

147
00:05:53,497 --> 00:05:56,366
we have to get to the bottom
of this... together.

148
00:05:56,399 --> 00:05:59,069
And figure out exactly
what Dean Munsch is after.

149
00:05:59,102 --> 00:06:01,104
Okay.

150
00:06:01,137 --> 00:06:02,806
I'm in.

151
00:06:02,839 --> 00:06:03,774
It's not a date.

152
00:06:04,808 --> 00:06:06,710
It's not a date.

153
00:06:06,743 --> 00:06:08,612
BROCK:
I'm so happy we rescheduled

154
00:06:08,645 --> 00:06:10,514
our May-December date.

155
00:06:11,782 --> 00:06:14,384
How are you gonna eat
all that popcorn?

156
00:06:14,417 --> 00:06:15,586
I'm not gonna
eat any of it.

157
00:06:15,619 --> 00:06:17,320
You see, I buy
the biggest tub

158
00:06:17,353 --> 00:06:18,989
of popcorn they sell and
have them cover it in butter,

159
00:06:19,022 --> 00:06:20,557
and then I secretly
drop handfuls of it

160
00:06:20,591 --> 00:06:22,258
on the floor as
the movie plays.

161
00:06:22,292 --> 00:06:24,227
I don't understand.
Why?

162
00:06:24,260 --> 00:06:26,830
To make the fatties feel
bad about themselves.

163
00:06:26,863 --> 00:06:28,665
Then they feel
terrible and eat more.

164
00:06:28,699 --> 00:06:30,300
It's, like, my
favorite hobby.

165
00:06:30,333 --> 00:06:32,603
You are the most
incredible woman I've ever met.

166
00:06:32,636 --> 00:06:34,471
Thank you.

167
00:06:34,505 --> 00:06:36,573
I'm having
a really nice time.

168
00:06:36,607 --> 00:06:38,709
(movie soundtrack playing)

169
00:06:50,453 --> 00:06:52,856
Sorry. I'm sorry.

170
00:06:52,889 --> 00:06:54,157
Are you kidding?

171
00:06:54,190 --> 00:06:57,293
I haven't been manhandled
in, like, two years.

172
00:06:57,327 --> 00:06:59,295
Grope at will, Doctor.

173
00:06:59,329 --> 00:07:01,331
(both chuckle)

174
00:07:06,402 --> 00:07:08,071
(sighs)

175
00:07:11,508 --> 00:07:12,876
Hey!

176
00:07:12,909 --> 00:07:14,611
Sorry, sorry, sir.
You could have just asked.

177
00:07:14,645 --> 00:07:17,347
I know. Here. Sorry.
(laughs)

178
00:07:17,380 --> 00:07:18,949
Oh, my God-- wait.

179
00:07:18,982 --> 00:07:20,551
Are you imitating
the guy in the movie

180
00:07:20,584 --> 00:07:21,885
with the
out-of-control hand?

181
00:07:22,986 --> 00:07:24,955
Yeah. (chuckles)
That is amazing.

182
00:07:24,988 --> 00:07:27,524
You know, I never thought
I could put my heart

183
00:07:27,558 --> 00:07:29,860
back together again after
losing Chad Radwell,

184
00:07:29,893 --> 00:07:31,394
but after being with
you tonight and your,

185
00:07:31,427 --> 00:07:33,897
your amazing hand
and your hot mouth,

186
00:07:33,930 --> 00:07:36,032
I know I'm finally
ready to move on.

187
00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:40,070
(sighs)

188
00:07:44,708 --> 00:07:46,342
Hey. Why are you so sad?

189
00:07:48,178 --> 00:07:51,982
My first boyfriend's name
was Clarence.

190
00:07:52,015 --> 00:07:54,585
He had hair like Richard Grieco
and he played lacrosse,

191
00:07:54,618 --> 00:07:57,888
but... (sighs)
he was also imaginary.

192
00:07:57,921 --> 00:08:00,523
We dated all
throughout high school.

193
00:08:00,557 --> 00:08:03,159
And the day before graduation,
he broke up with me.

194
00:08:03,193 --> 00:08:06,396
I thought things would be
different in college.

195
00:08:06,429 --> 00:08:09,332
I mean, especially when I joined
Kappa and became a Chanel,

196
00:08:09,365 --> 00:08:11,602
but then Chanel told everybody
that I had teeth in my vagina,

197
00:08:11,635 --> 00:08:14,037
so it's basically impossible
for me to get a date.

198
00:08:14,070 --> 00:08:16,406
But I knew
this would be different.

199
00:08:16,439 --> 00:08:18,575
We're supposed
to be grownups now.

200
00:08:18,609 --> 00:08:20,677
But it's exactly the same.

201
00:08:20,711 --> 00:08:22,545
I mean, it's only two weeks,
and already Chanel

202
00:08:22,579 --> 00:08:24,014
and Number Three
have hot doctor boyfriends

203
00:08:24,047 --> 00:08:25,682
and no one will even look at me.

204
00:08:25,716 --> 00:08:28,785
I look like I'm wrapped
in infected bubble wrap.

205
00:08:28,819 --> 00:08:30,020
(laughs, gasps)

206
00:08:30,053 --> 00:08:31,521
Mm.
Yeah.

207
00:08:31,554 --> 00:08:33,056
Shouldn't be
complaining to you.

208
00:08:33,089 --> 00:08:35,258
Your life is so much worse.

209
00:08:35,291 --> 00:08:36,860
No, I don't mind.

210
00:08:36,893 --> 00:08:38,528
I can't even tell you
how long it's been

211
00:08:38,561 --> 00:08:40,363
since a girl
even talked to me.

212
00:08:40,396 --> 00:08:42,599
Do you want to see what I
used to look before all this?

213
00:08:43,967 --> 00:08:45,902
You were hot!

214
00:08:45,936 --> 00:08:47,904
Like, super hot.

215
00:08:47,938 --> 00:08:51,341
I just don't know how I'm gonna
find the money for this laser.

216
00:08:59,616 --> 00:09:01,785
I'm gonna find the money
for that laser.

217
00:09:01,818 --> 00:09:04,420
I don't know how,
but I'm gonna find it.

218
00:09:08,692 --> 00:09:10,360
(metal clanking)

219
00:09:14,597 --> 00:09:17,600
(screaming in distance)

220
00:09:25,876 --> 00:09:27,878
(machinery whirring quietly)

221
00:09:38,054 --> 00:09:40,056
(lights clank)

222
00:09:48,131 --> 00:09:49,733
(man screaming in distance)

223
00:09:50,901 --> 00:09:52,468
(gasps)

224
00:09:56,639 --> 00:09:58,709
(screaming)

225
00:10:00,844 --> 00:10:02,846
(screaming continues)

226
00:10:10,186 --> 00:10:11,387
(muffled laughing)

227
00:10:14,758 --> 00:10:16,626
Chad?

228
00:10:16,659 --> 00:10:17,894
What the hell?!

229
00:10:17,928 --> 00:10:19,295
Oh, the look on your face.

230
00:10:19,329 --> 00:10:20,797
God, I knew I should have
strapped a GoPro

231
00:10:20,831 --> 00:10:22,332
to my Red Devil mask.

232
00:10:22,365 --> 00:10:23,734
(sighs)

233
00:10:23,767 --> 00:10:25,335
What?

234
00:10:25,368 --> 00:10:27,270
What are you doing
with your hand?

235
00:10:28,404 --> 00:10:30,140
It wasn't funny
when you snuck into

236
00:10:30,173 --> 00:10:31,507
the insane asylum
in the middle of the night

237
00:10:31,541 --> 00:10:33,977
and scared me in my bed,
and it's not funny now.

238
00:10:34,010 --> 00:10:35,245
I thought it was
pretty funny.

239
00:10:35,278 --> 00:10:36,479
Maybe not
Happy Gilmore funny.

240
00:10:36,512 --> 00:10:37,714
Definitely
Big Daddy funny.

241
00:10:37,748 --> 00:10:39,149
(screaming in distance)
What is that screaming?

242
00:10:39,182 --> 00:10:41,217
That's my good
buddy Randal.

243
00:10:41,251 --> 00:10:43,920
He needs medical
attention.

244
00:10:43,954 --> 00:10:46,022
Think he's gonna die.

245
00:10:48,859 --> 00:10:51,627
I want you back.

246
00:10:58,802 --> 00:11:01,337
(screaming)

247
00:11:01,371 --> 00:11:02,939
So we're on our
annual hunting trip

248
00:11:02,973 --> 00:11:05,175
with the International
Order of Saint Guntington.

249
00:11:05,208 --> 00:11:06,709
It's an elite secret
society of hunters

250
00:11:06,743 --> 00:11:08,745
that dates back to
the Hapsburger Dynasty.

251
00:11:09,780 --> 00:11:11,948
CHANEL:
Okay, did anything odd

252
00:11:11,982 --> 00:11:13,116
happen on the trip?

253
00:11:13,149 --> 00:11:14,684
Was he bit by a tick

254
00:11:14,717 --> 00:11:16,219
or hit in the head?

255
00:11:16,252 --> 00:11:18,188
That is an excellent
question, C.

256
00:11:18,221 --> 00:11:19,589
(chuckles softly)

257
00:11:19,622 --> 00:11:21,925
Are you guys boning?

258
00:11:21,958 --> 00:11:25,028
Went to the movies last night,
I grabbed her boob.

259
00:11:25,061 --> 00:11:27,097
One boob? I thought
doctors had game.
Mm-hmm.

260
00:11:27,130 --> 00:11:28,731
Why don't you try
two handfuls...
Okay, okay.

261
00:11:28,765 --> 00:11:30,600
You can fight over
Chanel's breasts later.

262
00:11:30,633 --> 00:11:31,868
Though it would be

263
00:11:31,902 --> 00:11:34,237
sort of like going to war
over the Falklands.

264
00:11:34,270 --> 00:11:36,106
Lot of work for
a relatively small

265
00:11:36,139 --> 00:11:38,408
and insignificant
amount of land.

266
00:11:38,441 --> 00:11:40,376
Anyway, please continue.

267
00:11:40,410 --> 00:11:41,711
Thank you.

268
00:11:41,744 --> 00:11:43,546
So we're on our annual
quail swim

269
00:11:43,579 --> 00:11:47,583
with the Ordensbrothers RBG,
Bill Parcells, Ted Danson.

270
00:11:47,617 --> 00:11:49,419
Giant covey of
quail take off

271
00:11:49,452 --> 00:11:51,788
right in front of us, we lower
our guns to take 'em out.

272
00:11:51,822 --> 00:11:53,890
Ginsberg-- she bagged
two, like, two or three.

273
00:11:53,924 --> 00:11:55,625
Hell of a shot.
All of a sudden,

274
00:11:55,658 --> 00:11:57,593
a couple stragglers take off
after the first

275
00:11:57,627 --> 00:12:00,430
volley of shots, Randal
lowers his gun to take 'em out,

276
00:12:00,463 --> 00:12:02,098
when all of a sudden,
Liz Cheney pops out.

277
00:12:02,132 --> 00:12:03,466
And I think she was,
like, peeing.
Mm-hmm.

278
00:12:03,499 --> 00:12:05,601
Anyway, Randal lowers
his shotgun,

279
00:12:05,635 --> 00:12:07,804
shoots her right
in the face. Boom!
(groans)

280
00:12:07,838 --> 00:12:09,940
Hope she was okay.

281
00:12:09,973 --> 00:12:11,842
No, I don't. She's awful.

282
00:12:11,875 --> 00:12:13,743
Your friend has
the Jumping Frenchman

283
00:12:13,776 --> 00:12:16,746
of Maine disease. Watch this.

284
00:12:16,779 --> 00:12:19,115
(yelps)
We don't have a full
understanding of what causes it,

285
00:12:19,149 --> 00:12:21,484
physiologically,
but we do know sufferers

286
00:12:21,517 --> 00:12:23,987
of this disorder have an
exaggerated startle reflex.

287
00:12:24,020 --> 00:12:25,421
(yells): Mah!
Like that.

288
00:12:25,455 --> 00:12:26,990
You know, any slight
little stimuli

289
00:12:27,023 --> 00:12:28,825
sort of sets him off.
Mah!

290
00:12:28,859 --> 00:12:31,094
(yelps)
Okay.

291
00:12:31,127 --> 00:12:32,929
(muffled scream)
Okay. My guess
is that shooting

292
00:12:32,963 --> 00:12:35,531
Liz Cheney in the face
probably set this off.

293
00:12:35,565 --> 00:12:38,835
Wow. Dr. Holt, you are...
incredible.

294
00:12:38,869 --> 00:12:40,603
Yeah?
(laughs)

295
00:12:40,636 --> 00:12:42,305
Did I tell you I started a band?

296
00:12:42,338 --> 00:12:43,806
I'm the lead singer.

297
00:12:43,840 --> 00:12:46,676
Front man. It's called
Gold-Plated Nutsack.

298
00:12:46,709 --> 00:12:48,111
(laughs)

299
00:12:48,144 --> 00:12:50,847
Please, please,
somebody help me.

300
00:12:50,881 --> 00:12:53,349
I feel like I'm gonna die
from screaming.

301
00:12:53,383 --> 00:12:56,019
I'm sorry, Randal, but there...
there's no known cure.

302
00:12:56,052 --> 00:12:59,522
But that is the point
of this hospital--

303
00:12:59,555 --> 00:13:01,992
to cure the heretofore

304
00:13:02,025 --> 00:13:03,126
incurable.

305
00:13:03,159 --> 00:13:04,560
So, don't worry, Randal.

306
00:13:04,594 --> 00:13:06,396
We are going to help you out.

307
00:13:06,429 --> 00:13:08,899
You have my word.
(screams)

308
00:13:08,932 --> 00:13:10,366
Sorry.

309
00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:12,402
Nutsack.

310
00:13:16,006 --> 00:13:18,174
How do you feel
about revenge sex?

311
00:13:18,208 --> 00:13:20,210
CHANEL #5: Hello, America.
* I will remember you...

312
00:13:20,243 --> 00:13:22,012
My name is Chanel #5.

313
00:13:22,045 --> 00:13:25,481
And I'm here to ask you
for help.

314
00:13:25,515 --> 00:13:27,884
This is my friend Tyler.
* Will you remember me...

315
00:13:27,918 --> 00:13:29,519
He used to be hot,

316
00:13:29,552 --> 00:13:32,422
and now he's covered
in weird skin bubbles.

317
00:13:32,455 --> 00:13:36,392
Hi. I'm Tyler, and two years
ago, I was diagnosed with...

318
00:13:36,426 --> 00:13:39,829
Two years ago, he was diagnosed
with neurofibromatosis type 1.

319
00:13:39,862 --> 00:13:42,765
It's a crippling disease
that turned this hot guy

320
00:13:42,798 --> 00:13:46,836
into a living,
breathing monster.

321
00:13:46,869 --> 00:13:48,738
(crying):
Won't you please help him

322
00:13:48,771 --> 00:13:50,773
afford the expensive laser

323
00:13:50,806 --> 00:13:52,909
that could end his torment?
Okay, I can't
watch this anymore.

324
00:13:52,943 --> 00:13:57,247
Number Five, that is the worst
fund-raising video ever made.

325
00:13:57,280 --> 00:13:59,349
What are you talking about?
It's really emotional.

326
00:13:59,382 --> 00:14:01,952
It's really not.
Okay, Number Five,

327
00:14:01,985 --> 00:14:04,687
you're going about
this all wrong.

328
00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:07,390
But you want Tyler to
get those laser treatments

329
00:14:07,423 --> 00:14:10,426
so he'll be hot again and
you can date him, right?

330
00:14:10,460 --> 00:14:12,862
Well, Number Five,
once he's hot again,

331
00:14:12,895 --> 00:14:15,098
he's not gonna
want to date you.

332
00:14:15,131 --> 00:14:16,933
Chanel's right.
The only shot

333
00:14:16,967 --> 00:14:18,801
you have with Tyler
is if he stays all warty.

334
00:14:18,834 --> 00:14:21,037
Look, if you want to be with
Tyler, you need to go for him

335
00:14:21,071 --> 00:14:22,872
now, be the girl
that stood by him

336
00:14:22,905 --> 00:14:24,707
through his tumoriest days.

337
00:14:24,740 --> 00:14:26,142
Then when he's hot again,
he'll feel obligated

338
00:14:26,176 --> 00:14:28,311
to stay with you
and never leave.

339
00:14:31,014 --> 00:14:33,249
(whistling)

340
00:14:33,283 --> 00:14:35,051
All right, what we got?

341
00:14:35,085 --> 00:14:36,953
Someone must have hired someone

342
00:14:36,987 --> 00:14:39,555
from one of those online
reputation redemption companies

343
00:14:39,589 --> 00:14:41,624
to scrub clean any file
on this hospital.

344
00:14:41,657 --> 00:14:43,826
And all that comes up
on Google is stuff

345
00:14:43,859 --> 00:14:45,395
from when it first opened

346
00:14:45,428 --> 00:14:47,563
and an article about Dean Munsch
buying the place.

347
00:14:47,597 --> 00:14:50,400
And a whole chunk from when
it was just a normal hospital

348
00:14:50,433 --> 00:14:52,068
in the 1980s is missing.

349
00:14:52,102 --> 00:14:54,837
Look, what we need to do is
go down to the local library

350
00:14:54,870 --> 00:14:56,406
and just search the
microfiche files.

351
00:14:56,439 --> 00:14:57,673
You can't scrub those.

352
00:14:57,707 --> 00:14:59,175
Oh, great idea.
Let's go.

353
00:14:59,209 --> 00:15:01,177
No, Zayday doesn't
go to the library.

354
00:15:01,211 --> 00:15:03,746
Chamberlain brings
the library to Zayday.

355
00:15:03,779 --> 00:15:05,415
I went this afternoon.

356
00:15:05,448 --> 00:15:08,318
Libraries are
very "screepy" places.

357
00:15:08,351 --> 00:15:11,321
Okay, but don't we
need a special machine

358
00:15:11,354 --> 00:15:13,356
to be able to look
at these things?

359
00:15:13,389 --> 00:15:15,958
All set up downstairs
in the archives room.

360
00:15:20,496 --> 00:15:23,499
I feel like I'm in one of those
movies from the 1970s.

361
00:15:23,533 --> 00:15:25,068
(chuckles)
(loud thud in distance)

362
00:15:29,905 --> 00:15:33,043
This is from
November 1, 1986.

363
00:15:33,076 --> 00:15:37,547
The entire hospital staff was
murdered on Halloween night.

364
00:15:37,580 --> 00:15:39,549
("Mad About You"
by Belinda Carlisle playing)

365
00:15:39,582 --> 00:15:42,385
(lively chatter)

366
00:15:42,418 --> 00:15:43,786
* I'm mad about you...

367
00:15:43,819 --> 00:15:45,855
Hey, what are you
guys dressed as?

368
00:15:45,888 --> 00:15:48,858
I am NASA's
Voyager 2 spacecraft.

369
00:15:48,891 --> 00:15:50,626
And I'm Uranus.

370
00:15:50,660 --> 00:15:52,028
Ooh!

371
00:15:52,062 --> 00:15:55,298
On January 24,
NASA's Voyager 2

372
00:15:55,331 --> 00:15:58,468
made its first
encounter with Uranus.

373
00:15:58,501 --> 00:16:01,237
And tonight Dr. Mike
and I are gonna recreate

374
00:16:01,271 --> 00:16:03,473
the encounter here on Earth.

375
00:16:03,506 --> 00:16:05,408
(chuckles)
Amazing!

376
00:16:05,441 --> 00:16:08,244
Hey, do you guys want to go
do some cocaine with us?

377
00:16:08,278 --> 00:16:10,646
Not while "Mad About
You" is playing.

378
00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:12,315
(clears throat)

379
00:16:12,348 --> 00:16:14,184
MAN: Maybe I shouldn't
be doing this.

380
00:16:14,217 --> 00:16:17,019
I am still on call.

381
00:16:28,131 --> 00:16:31,201
Please, don't kill me...
please don't kill me!

382
00:16:31,234 --> 00:16:32,635
Just leave me alone! (screams)

383
00:16:33,903 --> 00:16:35,338
(laughs)

384
00:16:35,371 --> 00:16:37,773
(moaning)

385
00:16:40,776 --> 00:16:43,379
That mask looks familiar.

386
00:16:43,413 --> 00:16:45,681
No. It can't be.

387
00:16:45,715 --> 00:16:48,451
No. No one knows.
I didn't tell anybody.

388
00:16:48,484 --> 00:16:51,187
I didn't tell anybody.
Hey!

389
00:16:51,221 --> 00:16:54,124
Hey! What do you want?!

390
00:16:54,157 --> 00:16:55,525
Who are you?!
(groans)

391
00:16:55,558 --> 00:16:56,459
(screams)

392
00:16:56,492 --> 00:16:58,594
(groaning)

393
00:17:06,068 --> 00:17:08,138
(screaming)

394
00:17:08,171 --> 00:17:10,573
(gasping)

395
00:17:10,606 --> 00:17:12,608
("I Think We're Alone Now"
by Tiffany playing)

396
00:17:14,510 --> 00:17:16,946
(whimpering)

397
00:17:16,979 --> 00:17:19,649
* Children behave...

398
00:17:19,682 --> 00:17:22,218
Oh, my God! (shouting)

399
00:17:22,252 --> 00:17:24,454
(screaming)

400
00:17:24,487 --> 00:17:27,990
* And watch how you play

401
00:17:28,023 --> 00:17:30,460
* They don't understand

402
00:17:30,493 --> 00:17:35,064
* And so we're running
just as fast as we can *

403
00:17:35,097 --> 00:17:38,801
* Holding onto
one another's hands *

404
00:17:38,834 --> 00:17:42,071
* Trying to get away
into the night *

405
00:17:42,104 --> 00:17:44,106
* And then you put your arms
around me *

406
00:17:44,140 --> 00:17:47,076
* And we tumble to the ground
and then you say *

407
00:17:47,109 --> 00:17:49,779
* I think we're alone now

408
00:17:49,812 --> 00:17:53,283
* There doesn't seem to be
anyone around... *

409
00:17:54,284 --> 00:17:55,451
No one was arrested.

410
00:17:55,485 --> 00:17:57,787
They never found out
who did it.

411
00:17:57,820 --> 00:18:00,523
(lights buzzing softly)

412
00:18:00,556 --> 00:18:01,957
(gasps)

413
00:18:01,991 --> 00:18:04,194
What have you two been doing?

414
00:18:04,227 --> 00:18:06,262
Nothing?

415
00:18:06,296 --> 00:18:08,698
Are you feeling okay?

416
00:18:08,731 --> 00:18:11,867
I'm gonna be feeling great
in about 15 minutes.

417
00:18:13,636 --> 00:18:16,105
You live with the Chanels,
right?

418
00:18:16,138 --> 00:18:17,807
That's right.

419
00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:20,276
Would you mind
providing detailed information

420
00:18:20,310 --> 00:18:21,977
as to their schedules?

421
00:18:22,011 --> 00:18:24,880
Like where they are
at certain times of the day,

422
00:18:24,914 --> 00:18:27,283
when they're most likely
to be alone.

423
00:18:27,317 --> 00:18:29,118
Why would you need
to know that?

424
00:18:29,151 --> 00:18:31,120
If I know where the Chanels are
at any given time,

425
00:18:31,153 --> 00:18:33,356
I can make sure they can handle
the workload they've been given,

426
00:18:33,389 --> 00:18:34,790
considering they're idiots
who aren't doctors.

427
00:18:34,824 --> 00:18:36,392
Well, in that case,
you'd need to want

428
00:18:36,426 --> 00:18:39,128
to know the same information
about me, wouldn't you?

429
00:18:39,161 --> 00:18:41,564
Uh... yeah. Right.

430
00:18:41,597 --> 00:18:43,165
Uh-uh.

431
00:18:43,199 --> 00:18:44,300
Way you just said--
that made it seem like

432
00:18:44,334 --> 00:18:46,802
you only want intels
on the Chanels.

433
00:18:46,836 --> 00:18:49,972
Well, what if I did?

434
00:18:50,005 --> 00:18:51,974
That would mean
your explanation was a lie,

435
00:18:52,007 --> 00:18:54,076
and I'd have a real problem
with helping you.

436
00:18:54,109 --> 00:18:58,214
Fine. If you can't help me,
I'll find someone who can.

437
00:19:01,584 --> 00:19:03,219
Pick up my supplements.

438
00:19:13,529 --> 00:19:15,565
Morning.

439
00:19:20,436 --> 00:19:22,838
What are you doing?

440
00:19:22,872 --> 00:19:25,241
Uh, showering?

441
00:19:25,275 --> 00:19:26,909
My third of the day.

442
00:19:26,942 --> 00:19:29,679
Like to stay extra fresh just
in case emergency sex pops up.

443
00:19:29,712 --> 00:19:31,447
This is an employee
locker room.

444
00:19:32,715 --> 00:19:34,584
Ah. Look, I get it.

445
00:19:34,617 --> 00:19:36,085
Standing in here

446
00:19:36,118 --> 00:19:40,690
with me... all naked, sudsed up.

447
00:19:40,723 --> 00:19:42,392
You're thinking to yourself,

448
00:19:42,425 --> 00:19:45,861
"Wow! That is the last climber
to summit Mount Chanel.

449
00:19:45,895 --> 00:19:48,898
How am I supposed to
compete with that?"

450
00:19:48,931 --> 00:19:53,102
Look, Chad, I'm a surgeon--
a brilliant one.

451
00:19:53,135 --> 00:19:56,606
You check off two boxes on
the dateable guy checklist:

452
00:19:56,639 --> 00:19:58,207
handsome and rich--
and guess what?

453
00:19:58,240 --> 00:20:00,610
I check those, too.

454
00:20:00,643 --> 00:20:03,112
Okay, first of all, I have
never heard of that checklist,

455
00:20:03,145 --> 00:20:05,114
so I call bull crap
on that existing.

456
00:20:05,147 --> 00:20:07,216
Oh, it exists.

457
00:20:07,249 --> 00:20:09,218
Second, did you just
call me handsome?

458
00:20:09,251 --> 00:20:11,787
Given the circumstances,
that's a little weird.

459
00:20:11,821 --> 00:20:14,156
Third...

460
00:20:14,189 --> 00:20:16,592
I'm glad you brought up boxes.

461
00:20:16,626 --> 00:20:20,630
Isn't that what this is
all about-- Chanel's box?

462
00:20:20,663 --> 00:20:22,798
Well, guess what,
Dr. I Got Lucky

463
00:20:22,832 --> 00:20:25,501
Guessing What's Wrong
With Chad's Good Buddy Randal.

464
00:20:25,535 --> 00:20:27,837
The only dude in the shower

465
00:20:27,870 --> 00:20:31,574
that's ever gonna check
Chanel's box is me.

466
00:20:31,607 --> 00:20:34,677
I don't know if I could
stand for that, Chad.

467
00:20:34,710 --> 00:20:37,313
Well, before this gets
any more homoerotic...

468
00:20:37,347 --> 00:20:39,114
I don't think
that's possible.

469
00:20:39,148 --> 00:20:41,784
...I'm gonna do something
I hoped I wouldn't have to do.

470
00:20:41,817 --> 00:20:45,020
We're gonna settle this in
the ancient Radwell tradition.

471
00:20:45,054 --> 00:20:48,658
You and me,
local YMCA, squash.

472
00:20:48,691 --> 00:20:50,259
First to 11.

473
00:20:50,292 --> 00:20:52,595
Best out of three,
winner gets Chanel.

474
00:20:52,628 --> 00:20:55,097
That is awful and misogynistic
to use a girl

475
00:20:55,130 --> 00:20:58,534
as a prize for a sporting event.

476
00:20:58,568 --> 00:21:01,837
But Chanel's worth it.

477
00:21:01,871 --> 00:21:03,573
I'm in.

478
00:21:07,176 --> 00:21:09,178
Think our wieners just touched
accidentally.

479
00:21:09,211 --> 00:21:11,481
I know they think I'm crazy
because I tend to respond

480
00:21:11,514 --> 00:21:13,483
to everything with the same
extreme level of intensity,

481
00:21:13,516 --> 00:21:15,184
but it was real.

482
00:21:15,217 --> 00:21:17,286
I was attacked.

483
00:21:17,319 --> 00:21:19,355
And I didn't kill
Werewolf Girl.

484
00:21:19,389 --> 00:21:20,556
You know,
I'm actually kind of

485
00:21:20,590 --> 00:21:22,057
an amateur detective,

486
00:21:22,091 --> 00:21:23,893
'cause all the Encyclopedia
Brown fan fiction I write.

487
00:21:23,926 --> 00:21:25,661
What if I helped you
find proof?

488
00:21:25,695 --> 00:21:27,363
And you will not even
have to leave

489
00:21:27,397 --> 00:21:29,031
one quarter on the gas can.

490
00:21:29,064 --> 00:21:31,967
(both laugh)

491
00:21:32,001 --> 00:21:34,036
Mm. I don't understand.

492
00:21:34,069 --> 00:21:36,071
It's an Encyclopedia Brown joke.

493
00:21:36,105 --> 00:21:37,640
(chuckles)
Yeah.

494
00:21:37,673 --> 00:21:40,376
I basically have
zero personality.

495
00:21:40,410 --> 00:21:43,345
I like your personality.

496
00:21:43,379 --> 00:21:44,980
MAN:
You like his personality?

497
00:21:45,014 --> 00:21:46,816
And here we thought

498
00:21:46,849 --> 00:21:48,851
you were just into guys
who look like...

499
00:21:48,884 --> 00:21:52,354
the inside of
a hemorrhoid-infested butt.

500
00:21:52,388 --> 00:21:55,190
Dude, he looks
like bubble wrap

501
00:21:55,224 --> 00:21:56,826
with a... with a staph
infection. (laughs)

502
00:21:56,859 --> 00:21:58,327
No, wait.
I have a better one.

503
00:21:58,360 --> 00:21:59,629
He looks like
one of those...

504
00:22:01,731 --> 00:22:02,832
(grunts)

505
00:22:02,865 --> 00:22:05,334
You cannot speak to him
this way!

506
00:22:05,367 --> 00:22:07,537
He is a beautiful soul,

507
00:22:07,570 --> 00:22:11,541
and I do not have teeth
in my vagina!

508
00:22:15,745 --> 00:22:17,880
I'm... sorry.

509
00:22:17,913 --> 00:22:20,616
Sometimes I tend to
overreact a little bit

510
00:22:20,650 --> 00:22:22,785
since I stopped taking my meds.

511
00:22:26,989 --> 00:22:28,858
MUNSCH:
Can I help you?

512
00:22:28,891 --> 00:22:30,760
ZAYDAY:
Actually, you can.

513
00:22:30,793 --> 00:22:32,094
Why did you have
the online history

514
00:22:32,127 --> 00:22:33,362
of this hospital
scrubbed?

515
00:22:33,395 --> 00:22:35,030
What's this all about?

516
00:22:35,064 --> 00:22:37,467
On October 31, 1986,

517
00:22:37,500 --> 00:22:39,535
there was a mass murder
in this hospital,

518
00:22:39,569 --> 00:22:42,772
and all the evidence that was
left behind was green slime.

519
00:22:42,805 --> 00:22:44,807
That same green slime
was there the night

520
00:22:44,840 --> 00:22:45,808
that Chanel #5 was attacked,

521
00:22:45,841 --> 00:22:47,176
and you just happened
to be there.

522
00:22:48,410 --> 00:22:49,779
So what is your theory?

523
00:22:49,812 --> 00:22:52,081
You attacked Chanel #5.

524
00:22:52,114 --> 00:22:53,616
Or you had
someone do it.

525
00:22:53,649 --> 00:22:55,250
Me, Chanel, Number
Three, Number Five--

526
00:22:55,284 --> 00:22:56,486
we're your loose ends.

527
00:22:56,519 --> 00:22:58,253
You gathered us all here
in one place

528
00:22:58,287 --> 00:22:59,889
so you could knock us off
one by one.

529
00:22:59,922 --> 00:23:01,524
MUNSCH:
Shh!

530
00:23:08,130 --> 00:23:11,066
I could really use
a friend right now.

531
00:23:11,100 --> 00:23:13,068
Just someone
to talk to.

532
00:23:13,102 --> 00:23:15,370
Just sit and listen.

533
00:23:20,175 --> 00:23:22,512
Well...

534
00:23:22,545 --> 00:23:26,448
what I'm gonna tell you is in
the strictest of confidence.

535
00:23:26,482 --> 00:23:28,383
Is that understood?

536
00:23:32,488 --> 00:23:35,290
I'm not trying to murder anyone.

537
00:23:35,324 --> 00:23:37,326
I'm trying to save
someone's life.

538
00:23:39,495 --> 00:23:41,030
Mine.

539
00:23:42,397 --> 00:23:45,367
The headaches started
about eight months ago.

540
00:23:45,400 --> 00:23:47,970
Just blistering headaches.

541
00:23:48,003 --> 00:23:50,139
At first,
I thought it was the stress

542
00:23:50,172 --> 00:23:51,974
and excitement of my book tour.

543
00:23:52,007 --> 00:23:54,677
But then the searing
joint pain

544
00:23:54,710 --> 00:23:57,146
and the shivering--
I-I would freeze all night

545
00:23:57,179 --> 00:23:59,181
and wake up in a pool of sweat.

546
00:24:00,482 --> 00:24:02,217
(sighs)

547
00:24:02,251 --> 00:24:03,485
And then

548
00:24:03,519 --> 00:24:07,022
my neighbor...

549
00:24:07,056 --> 00:24:09,792
asked me why
I was walking so weird.

550
00:24:09,825 --> 00:24:13,328
It was subtle at first,
but then I noticed it, too.

551
00:24:13,362 --> 00:24:16,198
My gait has changed.

552
00:24:16,231 --> 00:24:18,634
I-I've been to doctors

553
00:24:18,668 --> 00:24:21,737
and specialists.

554
00:24:21,771 --> 00:24:24,039
They just...

555
00:24:24,073 --> 00:24:26,709
they just don't
know what it is.

556
00:24:26,742 --> 00:24:28,978
In fact, they don't
think it's anything.

557
00:24:29,011 --> 00:24:31,714
But-but I know it's
something. I...

558
00:24:31,747 --> 00:24:34,349
I just don't think
I have very long.

559
00:24:34,383 --> 00:24:36,018
Look, I-I didn't
start this hospital

560
00:24:36,051 --> 00:24:37,486
because I give a rat's ass

561
00:24:37,519 --> 00:24:39,421
about the American
health care system.

562
00:24:39,454 --> 00:24:43,025
I started it to find out
what this disease was

563
00:24:43,058 --> 00:24:44,526
before it kills me.

564
00:24:44,560 --> 00:24:46,228
(crying):
I don't think...

565
00:24:46,261 --> 00:24:48,230
Dean Munsch, I'm so sorry.

566
00:24:48,263 --> 00:24:49,865
CHAMBERLAIN: Well,
you know, the one thing

567
00:24:49,899 --> 00:24:51,500
to take into
consideration is

568
00:24:51,533 --> 00:24:54,837
that you lived
a long, productive life.

569
00:24:54,870 --> 00:24:56,772
(crying)

570
00:24:56,806 --> 00:24:58,841
Please, just help me.

571
00:24:58,874 --> 00:25:01,510
Zayday, help me.

572
00:25:01,543 --> 00:25:04,279
Please help find the cure.
Please.

573
00:25:17,159 --> 00:25:19,061
(lights buzzing softly)

574
00:25:35,310 --> 00:25:36,578
(sharp scrape)

575
00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:40,482
(exhaling, soughing)

576
00:25:44,286 --> 00:25:45,520
(soughing)

577
00:25:55,430 --> 00:25:56,398
(elevator bell dings)

578
00:25:56,431 --> 00:25:58,433
(elevator doors creak open)

579
00:26:01,871 --> 00:26:03,105
(screams)

580
00:26:03,138 --> 00:26:04,273
(grunting)

581
00:26:12,614 --> 00:26:13,883
(panting)

582
00:26:16,886 --> 00:26:18,053
(grunting)

583
00:26:35,470 --> 00:26:38,173
(panting)

584
00:26:38,207 --> 00:26:40,475
What the hell are you?

585
00:26:40,509 --> 00:26:41,510
CASSIDY:
What's going on?

586
00:26:41,543 --> 00:26:42,878
MUNSCH:
Oh! Call the police!

587
00:26:42,912 --> 00:26:45,380
No, don't call the police;
they're morons.

588
00:26:45,414 --> 00:26:46,782
Oh, my God, are you okay?

589
00:26:46,816 --> 00:26:48,350
Number Five
wasn't lying.

590
00:26:48,383 --> 00:26:50,986
She w attacked, by this thing

591
00:26:51,020 --> 00:26:53,455
that I think is responsible
for all those murders here

592
00:26:53,488 --> 00:26:55,324
30 years ago!
(elevator bell dings)

593
00:26:55,357 --> 00:26:56,491
(doors creak)

594
00:26:58,593 --> 00:27:00,462
Oh, come on!

595
00:27:00,495 --> 00:27:03,232
Oh, you've got
to be kidding me.

596
00:27:03,265 --> 00:27:05,701
(panting)

597
00:27:05,735 --> 00:27:08,804
From now on, when someone
has just fought off the killer

598
00:27:08,838 --> 00:27:11,340
and they're about to reach down
and pull off the mask

599
00:27:11,373 --> 00:27:14,877
and find out who it is,
not the time to distract them

600
00:27:14,910 --> 00:27:16,478
with a bunch of questions!

601
00:27:16,511 --> 00:27:19,014
Oh, I was so close!

602
00:27:19,048 --> 00:27:20,716
(grunts)

603
00:27:28,090 --> 00:27:31,360
As it turns out, Jumping
Frenchman of Maine Disease

604
00:27:31,393 --> 00:27:34,429
is one of the more treatable
rare disorders we encounter,

605
00:27:34,463 --> 00:27:37,666
so you'll be happy to know your
friend is responding very well.

606
00:27:37,699 --> 00:27:39,701
The key...

607
00:27:39,735 --> 00:27:42,738
The key is removing stimuli
through sensory deprivation

608
00:27:42,772 --> 00:27:44,106
to calm down the
neurotransmitters.

609
00:27:44,139 --> 00:27:46,541
Now, we provided
an environment for Randal

610
00:27:46,575 --> 00:27:47,943
where nothing will startle him.

611
00:27:47,977 --> 00:27:49,611
(screaming)

612
00:27:49,644 --> 00:27:51,947
What are you talking about?
He's still screaming.

613
00:27:53,048 --> 00:27:55,717
Perhaps I-I whipped
the drapes too fast.

614
00:27:55,751 --> 00:27:58,587
All right, maybe next time I
should try it slower, right?

615
00:27:58,620 --> 00:28:00,255
(Randal screaming)
Randal?

616
00:28:00,289 --> 00:28:02,357
Randy? Use the towel.

617
00:28:02,391 --> 00:28:03,926
Try the bucket, Randal.

618
00:28:03,959 --> 00:28:04,960
Get-- put it on your head.

619
00:28:04,994 --> 00:28:06,929
(muffled screaming)

620
00:28:06,962 --> 00:28:08,197
Good boy, Randy.

621
00:28:08,230 --> 00:28:09,431
You see, Chad,
when you've studied medicine

622
00:28:09,464 --> 00:28:10,966
as long as I have,

623
00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:13,435
you come to learn that
sometimes, with treatment,

624
00:28:13,468 --> 00:28:16,405
the symptoms get a little worse
before they get better.

625
00:28:16,438 --> 00:28:17,940
What are you doing?

626
00:28:17,973 --> 00:28:19,408
Nothing.

627
00:28:19,441 --> 00:28:21,310
Well, I'm placing my hand
on your shoulder

628
00:28:21,343 --> 00:28:23,212
in a way that subtly asserts
my dominance.

629
00:28:23,245 --> 00:28:24,613
No...

630
00:28:24,646 --> 00:28:26,648
what is your
other hand doing?

631
00:28:30,820 --> 00:28:32,321
Nothing.

632
00:28:32,354 --> 00:28:35,791
What do you say we give Randal
a little privacy, huh?

633
00:28:35,825 --> 00:28:37,159
(drapes slide closed)

634
00:28:37,192 --> 00:28:39,761
(Chad muttering)

635
00:28:41,530 --> 00:28:44,399
Well, well, well.

636
00:28:44,433 --> 00:28:46,268
It's a damn good thing

637
00:28:46,301 --> 00:28:50,105
you got Quantico's finest
on the case.

638
00:28:50,139 --> 00:28:53,976
Do you know the number one
lesson you learn as a top

639
00:28:54,009 --> 00:28:56,946
FBI cadet? Hmm?

640
00:28:56,979 --> 00:29:00,082
Trust your instincts.

641
00:29:00,115 --> 00:29:02,151
And do you know
what my instincts told me

642
00:29:02,184 --> 00:29:05,020
the first time I laid eyes
on that Zayday Williams?

643
00:29:05,054 --> 00:29:09,658
I was like, "This bitch
right here is a stone-cold ho."

644
00:29:09,691 --> 00:29:11,760
She tried to
accuse you

645
00:29:11,793 --> 00:29:13,028
of being the killer

646
00:29:13,062 --> 00:29:14,763
just to deflect the attention
off herself.

647
00:29:14,796 --> 00:29:17,199
But how do we prove
it's not me?

648
00:29:17,232 --> 00:29:20,102
Boom. I got you. Okay?

649
00:29:20,135 --> 00:29:24,373
This is what I learned
at Quantico.

650
00:29:24,406 --> 00:29:26,708
And by watching movies
about Quantico.

651
00:29:26,741 --> 00:29:29,211
Ooh, and from
the hit TV show Quantico,

652
00:29:29,244 --> 00:29:31,646
now in its thrilling
second season.

653
00:29:31,680 --> 00:29:33,849
(laughs)
Here's the thing:

654
00:29:33,883 --> 00:29:35,717
If you want to catch a killer,

655
00:29:35,750 --> 00:29:39,288
you got to get inside the mind
of a killer.

656
00:29:39,321 --> 00:29:41,156
Huh? Or in Zayday's case,

657
00:29:41,190 --> 00:29:44,459
underneath the weave
of a killer.

658
00:29:44,493 --> 00:29:49,431
And I know just the right person
who can help us do it. Hmm?

659
00:29:52,868 --> 00:29:54,536
CHAD: Do you think it's weird
that you're, like, 60

660
00:29:54,569 --> 00:29:56,338
and still working at
a teaching hospital?

661
00:29:56,371 --> 00:29:59,641
You should be out
of school by now, bro.

662
00:29:59,674 --> 00:30:00,876
You should've graduated.

663
00:30:00,910 --> 00:30:02,377
(grunts)

664
00:30:02,411 --> 00:30:03,678
Yah!

665
00:30:07,849 --> 00:30:09,919
Were you held back or something?

666
00:30:15,857 --> 00:30:17,626
(panting)

667
00:30:21,030 --> 00:30:23,899
You obviously grew up
playing squash.

668
00:30:23,933 --> 00:30:25,867
I grew up playing
Radwell-style water polo.

669
00:30:25,901 --> 00:30:28,770
Similar rules, except the horses
get in the water on horseback.

670
00:30:31,573 --> 00:30:34,143
Actually, I've only been playing
a couple years.

671
00:30:37,212 --> 00:30:38,680
Whose hand is that, bro?

672
00:30:38,713 --> 00:30:40,282
Anonymous donor.

673
00:30:41,616 --> 00:30:42,851
I'm done.

674
00:30:42,884 --> 00:30:44,086
Oh, I'm not.

675
00:30:44,119 --> 00:30:45,287
I'm just getting started.

676
00:30:45,320 --> 00:30:46,888
Oh, and if you think

677
00:30:46,922 --> 00:30:48,890
being a doctor gives you
some sort of advantage over me,

678
00:30:48,924 --> 00:30:51,026
you're wrong.
'Cause guess what.

679
00:30:51,060 --> 00:30:53,428
I'm about to become
a doctor, too.

680
00:30:53,462 --> 00:30:55,097
You realize it takes years?

681
00:30:56,999 --> 00:30:59,168
I'm playing the long game.

682
00:31:03,505 --> 00:31:04,906
Back off Chanel.

683
00:31:04,940 --> 00:31:06,308
And back off me.

684
00:31:06,341 --> 00:31:08,077
This hand is capable
of a lot more

685
00:31:08,110 --> 00:31:09,678
than playing squash.

686
00:31:17,519 --> 00:31:18,954
(door buzzes)

687
00:31:21,356 --> 00:31:24,259
(hinges creak)

688
00:31:24,293 --> 00:31:26,128
She's down at the end.

689
00:31:28,597 --> 00:31:29,798
(door creaks closed)

690
00:31:29,831 --> 00:31:31,433
ORDERLY:
I'll be watching.

691
00:31:31,466 --> 00:31:33,502
You'll be fine.

692
00:31:40,976 --> 00:31:42,811
MAN: Are you my
birthday present?

693
00:31:42,844 --> 00:31:43,979
(Chanel gasps)

694
00:31:44,013 --> 00:31:45,814
Oh, that guy just threw

695
00:31:45,847 --> 00:31:47,949
birthday cake frosting
in my hair!

696
00:31:47,983 --> 00:31:49,751
(gasping)

697
00:31:49,784 --> 00:31:50,785
Ugh!

698
00:31:55,724 --> 00:31:57,326
Hello, Chanel.

699
00:31:57,359 --> 00:31:58,693
Dean Munsch.

700
00:31:58,727 --> 00:32:00,295
Chanel #3.

701
00:32:00,329 --> 00:32:03,798
Special Agent Denise Hemphill,

702
00:32:03,832 --> 00:32:05,800
FBI.

703
00:32:05,834 --> 00:32:08,037
Those, uh, drawings
are real nice.

704
00:32:08,070 --> 00:32:10,305
They're from memory.
Memory is all I have

705
00:32:10,339 --> 00:32:11,640
now that I don't have a view.

706
00:32:11,673 --> 00:32:14,009
Glad to hear you're doing well.

707
00:32:14,043 --> 00:32:16,278
We just wanted to ask you
a couple questions.
No.

708
00:32:16,311 --> 00:32:17,779
You were just gaining
my trust back

709
00:32:17,812 --> 00:32:20,549
by complimenting my
drawings, and now this

710
00:32:20,582 --> 00:32:22,817
ham-handed segue
into asking about the attacks

711
00:32:22,851 --> 00:32:24,719
that happened at your hospital.

712
00:32:24,753 --> 00:32:26,655
Oh, sookie, sookie now!

713
00:32:26,688 --> 00:32:28,323
Now how'd you know
about that?

714
00:32:28,357 --> 00:32:31,493
Tell me, do these attacks happen
in the dead of night

715
00:32:31,526 --> 00:32:32,861
during the graveyard shift

716
00:32:32,894 --> 00:32:35,197
when most of your staff
has already left?

717
00:32:35,230 --> 00:32:36,298
Yes.

718
00:32:36,331 --> 00:32:38,400
And does this killer
wear a mask with horns

719
00:32:38,433 --> 00:32:41,703
and does he or she leave
a trail of green slime

720
00:32:41,736 --> 00:32:43,338
wherever he goes?

721
00:32:43,372 --> 00:32:45,507
You know who the killer is,
don't you?

722
00:32:45,540 --> 00:32:46,875
I also know that
there's a connection

723
00:32:46,908 --> 00:32:49,844
to the Halloween murders
that happened 30 years ago.

724
00:32:49,878 --> 00:32:52,247
The clues are right
in front of your face.

725
00:32:52,281 --> 00:32:53,982
You just don't see them.

726
00:32:54,015 --> 00:32:55,384
So just tell us who
the killer is!

727
00:32:55,417 --> 00:32:56,885
Quid pro quo,
Chanel.

728
00:32:56,918 --> 00:32:59,054
I'll tell you everything
that I know.

729
00:32:59,088 --> 00:33:01,656
But first, I want a transfer
to your hospital

730
00:33:01,690 --> 00:33:03,492
and I want a room with a view.

731
00:33:03,525 --> 00:33:05,527
You're insane.
I'm not finished.

732
00:33:05,560 --> 00:33:07,862
I have a list of some
super-high-end beauty products

733
00:33:07,896 --> 00:33:09,431
that I want.

734
00:33:09,464 --> 00:33:11,766
I want a three-ounce bottle
of Lab Systique's SUPER "M"

735
00:33:11,800 --> 00:33:13,402
age-defying face serum.

736
00:33:13,435 --> 00:33:15,337
It really just makes
your skin extra glowy.

737
00:33:15,370 --> 00:33:17,406
And a bottle of Sergio Jergoni's
Luminoquintessence

738
00:33:17,439 --> 00:33:19,774
Color Control
Brightening Moisturizer.

739
00:33:19,808 --> 00:33:21,743
It will wake up any skin tone.

740
00:33:21,776 --> 00:33:24,713
CHANEL:
Hester, you know
that's impossible!

741
00:33:24,746 --> 00:33:25,914
Those products were
discontinued, like,

742
00:33:25,947 --> 00:33:27,182
ten years ago.
You're just gonna have

743
00:33:27,216 --> 00:33:29,017
to start trawling Craigslist

744
00:33:29,050 --> 00:33:31,786
for an estate sale
of old French whores.

745
00:33:31,820 --> 00:33:34,256
Until then,
you better start praying

746
00:33:34,289 --> 00:33:36,625
that this Green Meanie
doesn't kill again.

747
00:33:36,658 --> 00:33:38,927
Bitch, ain't nobody
got time for that!

748
00:33:38,960 --> 00:33:41,096
You better take
this damn ChapStick

749
00:33:41,130 --> 00:33:43,031
and tell us
what we need to know.

750
00:33:43,064 --> 00:33:44,399
Mm-hmm.

751
00:33:44,433 --> 00:33:47,102
Oh!

752
00:33:47,136 --> 00:33:50,639
You have my requests.

753
00:33:50,672 --> 00:33:53,475
Now fly away, little birds.

754
00:33:53,508 --> 00:33:55,444
Fly, fly.
Fly, fly, fly.

755
00:34:03,352 --> 00:34:05,620
I had a really
nice time tonight.

756
00:34:05,654 --> 00:34:07,088
Me, too.

757
00:34:07,122 --> 00:34:08,790
You really had my back.

758
00:34:14,263 --> 00:34:16,165
(both gasp)

759
00:34:17,132 --> 00:34:18,500
(screams)

760
00:34:18,533 --> 00:34:20,502
(noisemaker blows)

761
00:34:20,535 --> 00:34:22,737
BOTH:
Surprise.

762
00:34:22,771 --> 00:34:24,939
What is going on?

763
00:34:24,973 --> 00:34:26,107
You passed the test.

764
00:34:26,141 --> 00:34:27,676
What test?

765
00:34:27,709 --> 00:34:28,977
You saw somebody
that society had

766
00:34:29,010 --> 00:34:31,513
decided was hideous,
and you chose

767
00:34:31,546 --> 00:34:33,782
to look past it and see
the human being underneath.

768
00:34:33,815 --> 00:34:36,485
That is something
worth celebrating!

769
00:34:36,518 --> 00:34:39,588
Well... thanks, I guess.

770
00:34:39,621 --> 00:34:40,989
Not you. Him.

771
00:34:41,022 --> 00:34:42,257
We were testing him.

772
00:34:42,291 --> 00:34:43,692
What?
CHANEL:
Tyler,

773
00:34:43,725 --> 00:34:45,494
you have truly
learned the lesson

774
00:34:45,527 --> 00:34:47,095
that looks aren't the
only thing that matters.

775
00:34:47,128 --> 00:34:49,464
So we've decided
to reward you

776
00:34:49,498 --> 00:34:51,466
by purchasing the laser
for your treatment.

777
00:34:51,500 --> 00:34:53,302
(laughs):
Wait. What?

778
00:34:53,335 --> 00:34:55,204
(Chanel laughs)

779
00:34:55,237 --> 00:34:57,206
CHANEL #5: Wait.
How did you get the money?

780
00:34:57,239 --> 00:34:58,640
I asked Chad for it.

781
00:34:58,673 --> 00:34:59,974
I told him it was
for an experimental

782
00:35:00,008 --> 00:35:01,343
weapons-grade pube laser

783
00:35:01,376 --> 00:35:02,777
that was developed by
the Chinese military

784
00:35:02,811 --> 00:35:04,145
to give me a permanently
stubble-free box.

785
00:35:04,179 --> 00:35:05,547
He started
writing the check

786
00:35:05,580 --> 00:35:06,948
before I even
finished that phrase.

787
00:35:06,981 --> 00:35:09,017
Thank you.
(laughs) No.

788
00:35:09,050 --> 00:35:11,386
(door bell jingles)

789
00:35:11,420 --> 00:35:13,121
So what'd you
find out, dick?

790
00:35:13,154 --> 00:35:14,956
No, I-I prefer Richard.

791
00:35:14,989 --> 00:35:17,292
No "Richards" go by "Dick"
since Nixon.

792
00:35:17,326 --> 00:35:18,960
I don't know what
you're talking about.

793
00:35:18,993 --> 00:35:20,529
I'm calling you "dick"
because you're late.

794
00:35:20,562 --> 00:35:22,964
Okay, let's start
with the side stuff.

795
00:35:22,997 --> 00:35:24,533
Then let's move
on to Dr. Holt.

796
00:35:24,566 --> 00:35:27,135
Okay, well,
so, all of the girls

797
00:35:27,168 --> 00:35:29,170
that I showed that picture
of your penis to
Yeah.

798
00:35:29,204 --> 00:35:31,373
thought that it looked
very nice, but

799
00:35:31,406 --> 00:35:33,708
a few of them commented
about the way it, quote,

800
00:35:33,742 --> 00:35:36,578
"bends at kind of
an extreme right angle."

801
00:35:36,611 --> 00:35:38,179
Continue.
Okay.

802
00:35:38,213 --> 00:35:39,648
As for, uh,

803
00:35:39,681 --> 00:35:43,885
Dr. Holt and his mystery hand,
let me just say this.

804
00:35:43,918 --> 00:35:45,754
Bombshell.

805
00:35:45,787 --> 00:35:47,922
I cross-referenced
"donated hand"

806
00:35:47,956 --> 00:35:50,425
and "squash champion,"
and I came up with a name:

807
00:35:50,459 --> 00:35:52,427
Marshall Winthrop.

808
00:35:52,461 --> 00:35:54,729
Winthrop was this
world-champion squash player.

809
00:35:54,763 --> 00:35:56,831
He won a bronze medal
at the Olympics.

810
00:35:56,865 --> 00:36:01,002
But beating his opponents on
the court did not satisfy him.

811
00:36:01,035 --> 00:36:03,438
He hated them for losing.

812
00:36:03,472 --> 00:36:05,507
He considered it
a sign of disrespect

813
00:36:05,540 --> 00:36:07,542
to the game he loved so much.

814
00:36:12,481 --> 00:36:14,015
(groaning)

815
00:36:14,048 --> 00:36:17,586
He started cruising for
squash opponents on Craigslist.

816
00:36:17,619 --> 00:36:19,688
He drew them in
with the promise of a game

817
00:36:19,721 --> 00:36:21,089
against one of
the world's best.

818
00:36:21,122 --> 00:36:23,191
But all of them lost
not only the game,

819
00:36:23,224 --> 00:36:24,526
they lost their lives.

820
00:36:24,559 --> 00:36:27,362
Over 600 poor souls.

821
00:36:27,396 --> 00:36:29,464
Ooh.

822
00:36:29,498 --> 00:36:32,301
Did... did you
order me something?

823
00:36:32,334 --> 00:36:33,468
Richard,

824
00:36:33,502 --> 00:36:35,103
we eat when we're hungry.

825
00:36:35,136 --> 00:36:36,771
BOTH:
Not when we want to.

826
00:36:36,805 --> 00:36:38,640
Right.
Keep going.

827
00:36:40,675 --> 00:36:43,244
RICHARD: So Winthrop,
he-he was kind of an idiot,

828
00:36:43,278 --> 00:36:45,747
because, uh, eventually
the police tracked him down

829
00:36:45,780 --> 00:36:47,316
through the Craigslist ads.

830
00:36:47,349 --> 00:36:49,951
He was arrested
before he could finish

831
00:36:49,984 --> 00:36:51,920
what he must have
instinctively known

832
00:36:51,953 --> 00:36:54,789
was going to be
his last supper--

833
00:36:54,823 --> 00:36:58,893
fois gras rillettes,
Cabernet Franc, rocket salad.

834
00:36:58,927 --> 00:37:02,864
The same menu Brock's hand
was subconsciously writing.

835
00:37:05,266 --> 00:37:07,636
Richard, what did we say
about personal space?

836
00:37:09,638 --> 00:37:13,908
He was executed by the state,
but not before he became

837
00:37:13,942 --> 00:37:16,077
a full-body organ donor.

838
00:37:16,110 --> 00:37:18,146
Oh, my God.
Uh-huh.

839
00:37:18,179 --> 00:37:20,181
That means...

840
00:37:20,214 --> 00:37:21,983
Dr. Brock Holt has the hand

841
00:37:22,016 --> 00:37:25,687
of one of the world's
most notorious serial killers.

842
00:37:28,557 --> 00:37:30,792
Shouldn't this guy
be under anesthesia?

843
00:37:30,825 --> 00:37:32,961
He's dead.

844
00:37:32,994 --> 00:37:34,796
Practicing some
new techniques.

845
00:37:34,829 --> 00:37:36,331
Does it bother you
that when you spank it,

846
00:37:36,365 --> 00:37:37,699
you're being totally gay?

847
00:37:37,732 --> 00:37:40,369
Excuse me?
And you're celebrating

848
00:37:40,402 --> 00:37:42,637
Palm Sunday
with another bro's hand, so...

849
00:37:42,671 --> 00:37:44,138
These are my hands.

850
00:37:44,172 --> 00:37:47,008
You know, my best bro
in college was gay.

851
00:37:47,041 --> 00:37:48,677
Till he got murdered.

852
00:37:48,710 --> 00:37:50,379
Which brings
my next question.

853
00:37:50,412 --> 00:37:52,781
Is it weird for you that
the hand that burps your worm

854
00:37:52,814 --> 00:37:54,215
is the hand of a serial killer?

855
00:37:57,686 --> 00:37:59,488
So now you know my secret.

856
00:37:59,521 --> 00:38:01,790
(door creaks)

857
00:38:01,823 --> 00:38:03,825
What are you gonna do about it?

858
00:38:03,858 --> 00:38:05,727
Oh, you'll find out.

859
00:38:05,760 --> 00:38:06,828
Uh-huh.

860
00:38:17,005 --> 00:38:20,509
This is driving me insane!
Most of Dean Munsch's symptoms

861
00:38:20,542 --> 00:38:22,977
make sense--
headaches, chills, joint pains.

862
00:38:23,011 --> 00:38:24,646
That sounds autoimmune to me.

863
00:38:24,679 --> 00:38:26,247
But this...

864
00:38:26,280 --> 00:38:29,484
funny walking thing--
that's messing me up!

865
00:38:29,518 --> 00:38:31,686
(sighs)
A strange gait?

866
00:38:31,720 --> 00:38:33,422
It's not a symptom
for anything.

867
00:38:33,455 --> 00:38:35,223
Okay, can I be totally
honest with you?

868
00:38:35,256 --> 00:38:36,758
I am really hungry,

869
00:38:36,791 --> 00:38:38,693
and I'm having a hard
time concentrating.

870
00:38:38,727 --> 00:38:39,994
I've been over there
scrolling through

871
00:38:40,028 --> 00:38:41,730
Julianna Margulies's
best Emmy looks

872
00:38:41,763 --> 00:38:43,398
for the past 45 minutes.

873
00:38:43,432 --> 00:38:44,999
I know this good Chinese spot.

874
00:38:45,033 --> 00:38:46,868
The Szechuan Flavor Palace?

875
00:38:46,901 --> 00:38:50,038
No. Last time I ate
there, I got sick.

876
00:38:50,071 --> 00:38:51,773
All right, well,
you like Ethiopian food,

877
00:38:51,806 --> 00:38:53,341
they got one
across the street.

878
00:38:53,374 --> 00:38:56,711
But they close at 9:00,
so we got to hurry up.

879
00:38:56,745 --> 00:38:59,380
That's it.

880
00:39:00,882 --> 00:39:03,952
You haven't been
to New Guinea lately, have you?

881
00:39:03,985 --> 00:39:07,188
As a matter of fact, I have.

882
00:39:07,221 --> 00:39:09,691
You know, it was the last leg
of my book tour.

883
00:39:09,724 --> 00:39:13,027
My agent's assistant-- moron--
screwed up,

884
00:39:13,061 --> 00:39:15,396
and I was supposed to do
a book signing in Princeton,

885
00:39:15,430 --> 00:39:17,632
New Jersey, and instead
she put me on a plane

886
00:39:17,666 --> 00:39:19,868
to Papua, New Guinea. (scoffs)

887
00:39:19,901 --> 00:39:23,805
Anyway, that's where
I met Swando,

888
00:39:23,838 --> 00:39:27,308
who is a fantastic
Papuan medicine man.

889
00:39:27,341 --> 00:39:31,379
And he invited me
to this amazing party

890
00:39:31,412 --> 00:39:34,382
where I ate this delicious

891
00:39:34,415 --> 00:39:37,385
sort of custardy, eggy,
scrambled thing.

892
00:39:37,418 --> 00:39:40,154
Uh, most delicious thing
I've ever eaten.

893
00:39:40,188 --> 00:39:42,557
What? Is there a problem?

894
00:39:42,591 --> 00:39:44,459
I'm afraid you have kuru.

895
00:39:44,493 --> 00:39:46,661
What the hell's kuru?
It's a disease

896
00:39:46,695 --> 00:39:48,963
that cannibalists get
after they eat people.

897
00:39:48,997 --> 00:39:50,431
I beg your pardon.
He's right.

898
00:39:50,465 --> 00:39:51,933
It was first discovered
in New Guinea

899
00:39:51,966 --> 00:39:53,802
where certain tribes
would eat the bodies

900
00:39:53,835 --> 00:39:55,169
of their deceased
family members.

901
00:39:55,203 --> 00:39:57,405
Anyone who consumed
the contaminated

902
00:39:57,438 --> 00:40:00,308
brain tissue
would contract the disease.

903
00:40:00,341 --> 00:40:02,911
Oh, no.

904
00:40:02,944 --> 00:40:05,580
Oh, I just remembered.

905
00:40:05,614 --> 00:40:09,250
Swando's fantastic party
was, in fact,

906
00:40:09,283 --> 00:40:11,252
a funeral.
(people chanting)

907
00:40:11,285 --> 00:40:14,255
Okay. Well...

908
00:40:14,288 --> 00:40:16,491
So what's the treatment?

909
00:40:16,525 --> 00:40:18,927
I'm sorry, Dean Munsch,

910
00:40:18,960 --> 00:40:21,262
but if you already have
the symptoms,

911
00:40:21,295 --> 00:40:24,332
the literature states that you
have less than a year to live.

912
00:40:26,200 --> 00:40:27,268
There is no cure.

913
00:40:27,301 --> 00:40:28,570
Oh, my God.

914
00:40:29,704 --> 00:40:31,172
This is a secret.

915
00:40:31,205 --> 00:40:32,541
You can tell no one.

916
00:40:32,574 --> 00:40:36,444
No one must know,
because if the board finds out,

917
00:40:36,477 --> 00:40:39,013
(over headphones): they'll think
I'm unfit to run the hospital.

918
00:40:39,047 --> 00:40:41,516
ZAYDAY:
We will keep it a secret.

919
00:40:41,550 --> 00:40:43,952
So then, they finally admitted
they were my parents,

920
00:40:43,985 --> 00:40:46,655
but only on the condition
that I never tell anyone.

921
00:40:46,688 --> 00:40:49,958
But I feel like I can tell you,
because...

922
00:40:49,991 --> 00:40:51,459
TYLER:
I'm your boyfriend.

923
00:40:51,492 --> 00:40:54,128
Say it loud and proud,
Chanel #5.

924
00:40:54,162 --> 00:40:57,065
I'm your boyfriend,
and you're my girlfriend.

925
00:40:57,098 --> 00:40:59,167
Thank you so much
for seeing the real me

926
00:40:59,200 --> 00:41:01,035
beneath all these tumors.

927
00:41:01,069 --> 00:41:05,406
Thank you for seeing the real me
beneath all of Chanel's lies.

928
00:41:05,439 --> 00:41:06,875
(Tyler chuckles)

929
00:41:12,714 --> 00:41:14,716
Hey, I forgot to tell you.
Yesterday,

930
00:41:14,749 --> 00:41:16,150
I went on
OurOwnPrivateIdaville.com.

931
00:41:16,184 --> 00:41:17,518
It's one of my favorite

932
00:41:17,552 --> 00:41:19,087
Encyclopedia Brown
message boards.

933
00:41:19,120 --> 00:41:20,989
And I let the Encyclopedia Brown
hive mind try

934
00:41:21,022 --> 00:41:23,191
and solve the case of the
Green Meanie who attacked you.

935
00:41:23,224 --> 00:41:24,593
Did you find something?

936
00:41:24,626 --> 00:41:26,427
Whoa, did I ever.

937
00:41:26,460 --> 00:41:29,497
You're not gonna believe this.
It's a game-changer. (laughs)

938
00:41:29,530 --> 00:41:31,766
Oh, hey, what's happening?

939
00:41:31,800 --> 00:41:33,935
I'm going into surgery now?

940
00:41:33,968 --> 00:41:36,204
(laughs):
That's... that's amazing!

941
00:41:36,237 --> 00:41:37,706
Did you plan this?

942
00:41:37,739 --> 00:41:39,340
You sneaky little girl.

943
00:41:39,373 --> 00:41:40,875
Wait, wait.
No, you're not supposed

944
00:41:40,909 --> 00:41:43,044
to have surgery until tomorrow.

945
00:41:43,077 --> 00:41:45,179
Hey, hey, I got to go.
They're wheeling me away.

946
00:41:45,213 --> 00:41:47,081
Look, I love you so much,
and I promise

947
00:41:47,115 --> 00:41:49,550
I'm gonna keep loving you
even when I'm hot.

948
00:41:49,584 --> 00:41:50,752
(call ends)

949
00:41:50,785 --> 00:41:52,120
Baby!

950
00:41:52,153 --> 00:41:53,855
Hey, did you guys know anything

951
00:41:53,888 --> 00:41:56,224
about Tyler's surgery
being moved up to tonight?

952
00:41:56,257 --> 00:41:57,525
There's no way
that's happening,

953
00:41:57,558 --> 00:41:59,093
because we just left Brock
and Cassidy, and they said

954
00:41:59,127 --> 00:42:01,429
they were going home
to have a handsome contest.

955
00:42:01,462 --> 00:42:02,530
It's where they try on
different outfits

956
00:42:02,563 --> 00:42:04,065
and see who's more handsome.

957
00:42:04,098 --> 00:42:05,900
Wait, but...

958
00:42:05,934 --> 00:42:08,302
if Brock and Cassidy
weren't there,

959
00:42:08,336 --> 00:42:11,272
then who just wheeled Tyler
into surgery?

960
00:42:11,305 --> 00:42:12,573
TYLER:
Why are you strapping me down?

961
00:42:12,607 --> 00:42:15,409
Aren't I gonna be under
some sort of anesthesia?

962
00:42:16,410 --> 00:42:17,779
Hello?

963
00:42:17,812 --> 00:42:21,382
Holy crap! (gasps)

964
00:42:21,415 --> 00:42:24,218
Please, God, I don't...
I don't want to die. Please.

965
00:42:24,252 --> 00:42:27,488
(crying):
Please. Please, no!

966
00:42:27,521 --> 00:42:29,123
(groaning, gasping)

967
00:42:29,157 --> 00:42:30,424
Please!

968
00:42:30,458 --> 00:42:32,927
Please, I-I don't want to die.

969
00:42:32,961 --> 00:42:36,397
Please don't... (screaming)

970
00:42:36,430 --> 00:42:38,566
* I need a hero

971
00:42:38,599 --> 00:42:41,569
* I'm holding out for a hero
till the end of the night *

972
00:42:41,602 --> 00:42:43,404
(Tyler grunting)
* And he's got to be strong

973
00:42:43,437 --> 00:42:45,807
* And he's got to be fast

974
00:42:45,840 --> 00:42:48,843
* And he's got to be fresh
from the fight *

975
00:42:48,877 --> 00:42:51,045
(Tyler screaming)

976
00:42:52,146 --> 00:42:53,347
(Tyler grunts, coughs)

977
00:42:56,851 --> 00:42:59,587
* I need a hero.

978
00:42:59,620 --> 00:43:00,989
(gasps)

979
00:43:01,022 --> 00:43:03,024
(crying)

980
00:43:11,132 --> 00:43:12,867
Oh, my God.

981
00:43:12,901 --> 00:43:15,136
Do you guys know
what this means?

982
00:43:15,169 --> 00:43:17,371
That I just lost
my best chance at happiness

983
00:43:17,405 --> 00:43:19,473
with a really hot guy?

984
00:43:19,507 --> 00:43:21,642
Definitely that.

985
00:43:21,676 --> 00:43:23,912
Ladies...

986
00:43:26,547 --> 00:43:29,818
...we have another
serial killer on our hands.

987
00:43:33,755 --> 00:43:38,693
* Don't turn around

988
00:43:41,062 --> 00:43:44,665
* I'll bury you deep

989
00:43:48,036 --> 00:43:52,941
* Whispers turn to screams

990
00:43:56,277 --> 00:44:00,882
* You belong to me

991
00:44:00,915 --> 00:44:03,852
* To me.

992
00:44:06,888 --> 00:44:09,791
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH