1 00:00:03,980 --> 00:00:06,383 * 2 00:00:10,421 --> 00:00:12,523 (button buzzing) 3 00:00:12,556 --> 00:00:17,361 * One night in Bangkok makes a hard man humble... * 4 00:00:17,394 --> 00:00:20,964 I have been buzzing you with the call button for half an hour! 5 00:00:20,997 --> 00:00:23,234 Something's wrong with my husband. 6 00:00:23,267 --> 00:00:25,068 Um, I'm sorry, but it's Halloween. 7 00:00:25,102 --> 00:00:27,138 We all kind of like letting loose on Halloween. 8 00:00:27,171 --> 00:00:28,572 I think he's dying! 9 00:00:33,110 --> 00:00:34,778 (music playing in distance) 10 00:00:34,811 --> 00:00:36,547 (woman laughing) 11 00:00:36,580 --> 00:00:38,749 Have you seen Dr. Mike? Someone is having an emergency 12 00:00:38,782 --> 00:00:40,651 that just can't wait till the party is over. 13 00:00:40,684 --> 00:00:43,254 My husband has C.O.P.D. He can't breathe. 14 00:00:43,287 --> 00:00:44,655 Are you sure he's not just dressed up 15 00:00:44,688 --> 00:00:47,124 as a dude with C.O.P.D.? Uh, pretty sure Dr. Mike 16 00:00:47,158 --> 00:00:48,825 is in the back rack looking for quaaludes. (chuckles) 17 00:00:50,161 --> 00:00:51,928 NURSE: Dr. Mike? 18 00:00:53,864 --> 00:00:54,998 Hello, ladies. 19 00:00:55,031 --> 00:00:56,600 My husband needs a doctor! 20 00:00:56,633 --> 00:00:58,169 (chuckles): But it's Halloween. 21 00:00:58,202 --> 00:00:59,836 That's what I told her. Please, 22 00:00:59,870 --> 00:01:00,837 I'm begging you. 23 00:01:00,871 --> 00:01:02,973 All right. 24 00:01:03,006 --> 00:01:06,843 If I have to save a life tonight, so be it. 25 00:01:06,877 --> 00:01:09,346 It is what I do. 26 00:01:09,380 --> 00:01:11,582 DR. MIKE: Deep breath. 27 00:01:11,615 --> 00:01:13,150 Yeah, again. 28 00:01:13,184 --> 00:01:15,186 (crunching) Uh-huh. Again. 29 00:01:17,020 --> 00:01:18,989 Okay. (clears throat) 30 00:01:19,022 --> 00:01:20,424 His lungs need to be drained. 31 00:01:20,457 --> 00:01:22,159 I say we wait until morning. 32 00:01:22,193 --> 00:01:23,760 Give him the procedure now! 33 00:01:23,794 --> 00:01:25,429 Or I swear, I'll make sure 34 00:01:25,462 --> 00:01:27,298 all of you lose your medical licenses. 35 00:01:27,331 --> 00:01:29,466 I will shut this hospital down. 36 00:01:32,035 --> 00:01:35,138 Okay, you know what? Um... you're absolutely right. 37 00:01:35,172 --> 00:01:39,042 It's like we forgot our Hippocratic oath. Okay. 38 00:01:39,075 --> 00:01:41,345 Bill, uh, I am going to give you a sedative, 39 00:01:41,378 --> 00:01:43,947 and then I am personally going to take you to the O.R. 40 00:01:43,980 --> 00:01:46,650 Okay? Where I will be performing your procedure, okay? 41 00:01:48,084 --> 00:01:49,286 Everything will be fine. 42 00:01:49,320 --> 00:01:51,121 Baby, I love you so much. 43 00:01:51,154 --> 00:01:54,691 You're my life, you're my everything. 44 00:01:54,725 --> 00:01:56,827 How's our son doing? 45 00:01:56,860 --> 00:01:58,462 Good. Good. 46 00:01:58,495 --> 00:02:00,163 (sniffles) Excited for you to come home. 47 00:02:00,197 --> 00:02:01,332 WOMAN (over intercom): Nurse Lancer, please bring 48 00:02:01,365 --> 00:02:03,367 Hawaiian Punch to the Halloween party. 49 00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:06,237 DR. MIKE: Okay. Ma'am, gonna have to ask you 50 00:02:06,270 --> 00:02:07,838 to go wait in the waiting room. 51 00:02:07,871 --> 00:02:08,872 Okay. 52 00:02:08,905 --> 00:02:11,475 Thank you so much, Doctor. 53 00:02:11,508 --> 00:02:14,044 Okay, Bill. 54 00:02:15,579 --> 00:02:17,113 Sleepy time. 55 00:02:18,849 --> 00:02:20,351 I owe you. 56 00:02:20,384 --> 00:02:22,219 It's what I do. 57 00:02:28,692 --> 00:02:31,228 (sighs) I cannot believe we're missing the party for this. 58 00:02:32,729 --> 00:02:34,431 Screw that. 59 00:02:34,465 --> 00:02:36,400 This hospital was originally built 60 00:02:36,433 --> 00:02:38,269 as a tuberculosis clinic, but the patients 61 00:02:38,302 --> 00:02:40,837 who were checking in just kept getting sicker and sicker 62 00:02:40,871 --> 00:02:42,773 until they realized it was because they built it 63 00:02:42,806 --> 00:02:44,875 up against this rancid swamp. 64 00:02:44,908 --> 00:02:47,177 So they closed it down for a decade until they reopened it, 65 00:02:47,210 --> 00:02:49,780 and now we are the fourth best performing hospital 66 00:02:49,813 --> 00:02:51,882 out of four in the area, which is great for us 67 00:02:51,915 --> 00:02:54,217 because it keeps expectations super low. 68 00:02:55,719 --> 00:02:57,854 I never liked this swamp. 69 00:02:57,888 --> 00:03:00,090 I grew up around here and... (pants) 70 00:03:00,123 --> 00:03:01,558 the kids used to always talk 71 00:03:01,592 --> 00:03:05,195 about a... a monster that lived back here. 72 00:03:05,228 --> 00:03:07,798 The Green Meanie. 73 00:03:07,831 --> 00:03:09,900 Swamp itself is the monster. 74 00:03:09,933 --> 00:03:11,902 You know if you leave a body out here, 75 00:03:11,935 --> 00:03:13,069 between the bugs and the bacteria, 76 00:03:13,103 --> 00:03:15,706 it will disappear in a matter of days? 77 00:03:15,739 --> 00:03:17,374 We're just gonna leave him here? 78 00:03:17,408 --> 00:03:20,977 I made up all that crap about doing the procedure. 79 00:03:21,011 --> 00:03:23,980 He'll be dead within the hour, and then we'll get the blame. 80 00:03:25,349 --> 00:03:28,785 So we will dump his body out here, 81 00:03:28,819 --> 00:03:31,455 fake the paperwork, say we did the procedure, 82 00:03:31,488 --> 00:03:34,925 that he checked himself out, and then rock out to Sheena Easton 83 00:03:34,958 --> 00:03:36,092 (grunts) all night long. 84 00:03:36,126 --> 00:03:37,093 (chuckles) 85 00:03:37,127 --> 00:03:38,295 What about his wife? 86 00:03:38,329 --> 00:03:40,631 It's her word against ours. 87 00:03:40,664 --> 00:03:42,198 (grunts) 88 00:03:43,166 --> 00:03:44,468 NURSE: Now, wait. 89 00:03:44,501 --> 00:03:45,802 What if someone saw us? 90 00:03:45,836 --> 00:03:47,438 Your costume is pretty specific. 91 00:04:02,819 --> 00:04:04,588 Shall we? 92 00:04:04,621 --> 00:04:05,956 Mm. 93 00:04:05,989 --> 00:04:07,991 (laughs) 94 00:04:08,024 --> 00:04:10,126 Whoo! Oh, yeah! 95 00:04:13,330 --> 00:04:15,165 (music, excited chatter in distance) 96 00:04:21,705 --> 00:04:23,707 * 97 00:04:26,009 --> 00:04:28,011 * 98 00:04:32,349 --> 00:04:34,317 (elevator bell dings) 99 00:04:34,351 --> 00:04:35,886 * Young guns, having some fun * 100 00:04:35,919 --> 00:04:37,854 * Crazy ladies keep them on the run * 101 00:04:37,888 --> 00:04:39,990 * Wise guys realize 102 00:04:40,023 --> 00:04:42,158 * There's danger in emotional ties * 103 00:04:42,192 --> 00:04:43,460 * See me 104 00:04:43,494 --> 00:04:44,728 * Single and free, no fears 105 00:04:44,761 --> 00:04:46,162 * No tears, what I want to be 106 00:04:46,196 --> 00:04:47,197 * One, two 107 00:04:47,230 --> 00:04:48,565 * Take a look at you 108 00:04:48,599 --> 00:04:50,934 * Death by matrimony. 109 00:04:52,436 --> 00:04:54,571 Catherine Hobart? 110 00:04:54,605 --> 00:04:56,473 Hi. 111 00:04:56,507 --> 00:04:59,009 I'm Dr. Brock Holt. I went to Harvard. 112 00:04:59,042 --> 00:05:01,311 And I'm Dr. Cassidy Cascade. Nice to meet you. 113 00:05:01,344 --> 00:05:02,479 Right this way. Right this way. 114 00:05:02,513 --> 00:05:03,780 I say "Right this way." Okay. 115 00:05:05,882 --> 00:05:09,185 Okay, Catherine Hobart of Laconia, New Hampshire. 116 00:05:09,219 --> 00:05:11,522 You've been diagnosed previously with a severe case of 117 00:05:11,555 --> 00:05:14,224 hypertrichosis, aka Werewolf Syndrome. 118 00:05:14,257 --> 00:05:16,860 I was once arrested by a dogcatcher. 119 00:05:16,893 --> 00:05:19,062 Hey. Here's one thing that is contraindicated 120 00:05:19,095 --> 00:05:22,499 to any treatment we prescribe: self-pity. 121 00:05:22,533 --> 00:05:24,067 Your hair is so soft. 122 00:05:24,100 --> 00:05:26,236 What conditioner do you use? 123 00:05:26,269 --> 00:05:28,939 It's Kiehl's. I know it's expensive, but 124 00:05:28,972 --> 00:05:30,441 so worth it. So worth it. 125 00:05:30,474 --> 00:05:34,044 You and I are gonna get along just fine. 126 00:05:34,077 --> 00:05:35,512 CASSIDY: Your condition is being caused by 127 00:05:35,546 --> 00:05:37,781 an inverse mutation on chromosome 17. 128 00:05:37,814 --> 00:05:40,451 I know. I've seen hundreds of doctors. 129 00:05:40,484 --> 00:05:42,553 And I'd almost given up hope, before Dr. Munsch 130 00:05:42,586 --> 00:05:44,621 found me in that creepy disease chat room 131 00:05:44,655 --> 00:05:47,591 and told me if I came here, she could cure me. 132 00:05:47,624 --> 00:05:49,426 And I keep my word. Hi. 133 00:05:49,460 --> 00:05:52,729 I'm Dr. Cathy Munsch. And welcome to my hospital. 134 00:05:52,763 --> 00:05:55,231 You know you're not really a doctor. 135 00:05:55,265 --> 00:05:57,200 (chuckles) Well, I'm sorry. 136 00:05:57,233 --> 00:05:58,802 But when I gave the commencement address 137 00:05:58,835 --> 00:06:00,571 at the University of Pittsburgh last year, 138 00:06:00,604 --> 00:06:02,973 they gave me the actual honorary doctorate 139 00:06:03,006 --> 00:06:04,374 they stripped from Bill Cosby. 140 00:06:04,407 --> 00:06:07,077 Anyway, Ms. Hobart, you have the great honor 141 00:06:07,110 --> 00:06:10,246 of being our first patient here at the C.U.R.E. Institute. 142 00:06:10,280 --> 00:06:13,149 Our motto is: "Where the incurable are cured." 143 00:06:13,183 --> 00:06:14,451 I wouldn't get her hopes up. 144 00:06:14,485 --> 00:06:16,386 (whispers): She's incurable. 145 00:06:16,419 --> 00:06:19,222 MUNSCH: (scoffs) You want to talk about impossible? 146 00:06:19,255 --> 00:06:21,291 You want to talk about the world saying no, 147 00:06:21,324 --> 00:06:24,394 and you beating it like a dog until you make it 148 00:06:24,427 --> 00:06:26,497 sit, stay and beg to say yes? 149 00:06:26,530 --> 00:06:29,099 Well, then you have to be talking about one 150 00:06:29,132 --> 00:06:30,734 Dr. Dean Cathy Munsch 151 00:06:30,767 --> 00:06:34,304 and her journey to opening this palace of healing. 152 00:06:35,772 --> 00:06:37,407 MUNSCH: By now, you're probably asking yourself, 153 00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:39,776 "Wait a second, isn't this the Cathy Munsch, 154 00:06:39,810 --> 00:06:42,513 "the iconoclastic bestselling author 155 00:06:42,546 --> 00:06:44,014 "whose very name has become synonymous with 156 00:06:44,047 --> 00:06:45,081 "New New Feminism? 157 00:06:45,115 --> 00:06:47,250 How did she get here?" 158 00:06:47,283 --> 00:06:48,985 Well, I'll tell you. 159 00:06:49,019 --> 00:06:53,824 When Pope Francis asked me, "Cathy, what's next?" 160 00:06:53,857 --> 00:06:57,694 honestly, I found myself at a loss for words. 161 00:06:57,728 --> 00:06:58,862 Why? 162 00:06:58,895 --> 00:07:00,531 Because I'd done it all. 163 00:07:00,564 --> 00:07:04,367 And I knew in that instant that I needed a new cause: 164 00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:07,203 reforming America's health care system. 165 00:07:09,039 --> 00:07:11,675 Ask medical student what do they want to become. 166 00:07:11,708 --> 00:07:14,645 They'll say plastic surgeons, dermatologists. 167 00:07:14,678 --> 00:07:16,880 They want to perform Lasik. 168 00:07:16,913 --> 00:07:18,982 They want to make money. 169 00:07:19,015 --> 00:07:22,285 And that requires repeat customers. 170 00:07:22,318 --> 00:07:26,957 The perverse incentives baked into our health care system 171 00:07:26,990 --> 00:07:28,992 keep people sick. 172 00:07:29,025 --> 00:07:33,664 Let me introduce you to the C.U.R.E. 173 00:07:33,697 --> 00:07:37,067 Caregivers United in Restorative Etiology. 174 00:07:37,100 --> 00:07:42,238 It is entirely funded by my own personal publishing fortune. 175 00:07:42,272 --> 00:07:45,141 And I am hiring only the best doctors, 176 00:07:45,175 --> 00:07:47,043 who are going to find cures 177 00:07:47,077 --> 00:07:50,881 for diseases 21st century medicine 178 00:07:50,914 --> 00:07:53,850 has deemed... incurable. 179 00:07:53,884 --> 00:07:55,886 I'd love to answer any questions you might have. 180 00:07:55,919 --> 00:07:57,487 We have a few minutes. WOMAN: Dr. Munsch. 181 00:07:57,520 --> 00:07:58,822 What about the Chanels? 182 00:07:58,855 --> 00:08:01,257 Do you have any comment on what became of them? 183 00:08:01,291 --> 00:08:03,493 MUNSCH: The Chanels. 184 00:08:03,526 --> 00:08:05,361 For two whole years, I barely thought of them. 185 00:08:05,395 --> 00:08:08,164 But then a Netflix documentary series turned them into 186 00:08:08,198 --> 00:08:09,633 a national obsession. 187 00:08:12,302 --> 00:08:13,670 (gavel bangs) 188 00:08:13,704 --> 00:08:15,271 Please state your name for the record. 189 00:08:15,305 --> 00:08:19,109 I am Special Agent Denise Hemphill. 190 00:08:19,142 --> 00:08:21,411 And I take it you're currently 191 00:08:21,444 --> 00:08:23,179 an agent with the FBI. 192 00:08:23,213 --> 00:08:24,848 Correction. 193 00:08:24,881 --> 00:08:27,550 Special agent. Huh? 194 00:08:27,584 --> 00:08:28,885 (chuckles) 195 00:08:28,919 --> 00:08:30,621 At the time of the Wallace murders, 196 00:08:30,654 --> 00:08:33,223 I was an employee of the security firm 197 00:08:33,256 --> 00:08:35,225 Secure Enforcement Solutions, 198 00:08:35,258 --> 00:08:37,527 along with my dear friend Shondell, 199 00:08:37,560 --> 00:08:41,231 who was later stabbed in the face and pushed out a car. 200 00:08:41,264 --> 00:08:44,034 Can I ask what you have to contribute to 201 00:08:44,067 --> 00:08:45,301 my clients' appeal? 202 00:08:45,335 --> 00:08:48,138 The killer confessed. 203 00:08:48,171 --> 00:08:50,774 And I got it right here! 204 00:08:50,807 --> 00:08:52,242 On videotape. 205 00:08:52,275 --> 00:08:53,543 (gallery murmurs) 206 00:08:53,576 --> 00:08:56,546 Yes. I orchestrated the whole thing. 207 00:08:56,579 --> 00:08:58,548 But you can't lay a hand on me. 208 00:08:58,581 --> 00:09:00,216 It's called double jeopardy. 209 00:09:00,250 --> 00:09:02,385 You can't be tried for the same crime twice. 210 00:09:02,418 --> 00:09:04,287 But you haven't been tried twice. 211 00:09:04,320 --> 00:09:06,122 The Chanels were tried the first time. 212 00:09:06,156 --> 00:09:09,325 But someone was convicted, so it's double jeopardy. 213 00:09:09,359 --> 00:09:10,627 Uh, no. 214 00:09:10,661 --> 00:09:14,130 Again, you haven't been tried yet at all. 215 00:09:14,164 --> 00:09:15,431 It's double jeopardy! 216 00:09:15,465 --> 00:09:16,933 It's single jeopardy! 217 00:09:16,967 --> 00:09:18,902 (banging on door, gasps) 218 00:09:18,935 --> 00:09:20,904 MUNSCH: And the Chanels haven't been seen since. 219 00:09:20,937 --> 00:09:23,940 Those Kappa sisters were nothing but a distant memory. 220 00:09:23,974 --> 00:09:25,341 Except for one. 221 00:09:25,375 --> 00:09:29,179 One that I felt deserved an opportunity 222 00:09:29,212 --> 00:09:31,014 to make something of her life. (sighs) 223 00:09:31,047 --> 00:09:32,949 (sirens wailing in distance, dog barking) 224 00:09:32,983 --> 00:09:34,450 Oh, no. 225 00:09:34,484 --> 00:09:35,986 I've got nothing to say to you. 226 00:09:37,387 --> 00:09:39,122 Are you smoking a joint? 227 00:09:39,155 --> 00:09:40,290 No. 228 00:09:40,323 --> 00:09:42,392 Yes. 229 00:09:45,028 --> 00:09:47,097 Can I buy you a drink? 230 00:09:47,130 --> 00:09:48,932 (sighs) 231 00:09:48,965 --> 00:09:51,301 ZAYDAY: I just want to distance myself 232 00:09:51,334 --> 00:09:52,803 from everything that happened. 233 00:09:52,836 --> 00:09:54,137 I hunkered down and powered through undergrad 234 00:09:54,170 --> 00:09:55,605 in just a year and a half. 235 00:09:55,638 --> 00:09:58,709 After seeing all that death, I felt the need to do something 236 00:09:58,742 --> 00:10:01,211 to prevent other people from dying. Mm. 237 00:10:01,244 --> 00:10:03,479 So now I'm in my first year of med school. 238 00:10:03,513 --> 00:10:05,481 Working three jobs to pay for it. 239 00:10:05,515 --> 00:10:07,483 I want to pay for it. Excuse me? 240 00:10:07,517 --> 00:10:09,285 You heard me. 241 00:10:09,319 --> 00:10:11,621 Look, I like you, Zayday. 242 00:10:11,654 --> 00:10:13,824 I think you have tremendous potential. 243 00:10:13,857 --> 00:10:16,459 Now, I don't know if you're aware, 244 00:10:16,492 --> 00:10:17,861 but I've opened a teaching hospital. 245 00:10:17,894 --> 00:10:21,131 And I would like you to come work for me. 246 00:10:21,164 --> 00:10:23,033 It will count toward your residency, of course. 247 00:10:23,066 --> 00:10:27,037 Why would you want to go through all this trouble to help me? 248 00:10:27,070 --> 00:10:28,371 I don't get it. 249 00:10:28,404 --> 00:10:32,008 Let's just say 250 00:10:32,042 --> 00:10:36,179 that I have a very personal, deep-seated reason 251 00:10:36,212 --> 00:10:39,682 for wanting to see this hospital succeed. 252 00:10:39,716 --> 00:10:42,385 And whether or not you choose to believe it, 253 00:10:42,418 --> 00:10:46,689 I see you as being an integral part of its success. 254 00:10:47,958 --> 00:10:49,359 What do you say? 255 00:10:50,393 --> 00:10:51,828 (sighs) 256 00:10:51,862 --> 00:10:54,497 I mean... 257 00:10:54,530 --> 00:10:56,699 (chuckles): yes! 258 00:10:56,733 --> 00:10:58,001 Yes, I'm in. 259 00:10:58,034 --> 00:10:59,535 Yes, you are. 260 00:10:59,569 --> 00:11:01,271 Congratulations. 261 00:11:01,304 --> 00:11:02,438 Cheers. 262 00:11:10,713 --> 00:11:13,583 Welcome to King Brock's kingdom, where King Brock is king. 263 00:11:13,616 --> 00:11:16,119 Sometimes I like to wheel in rando patients, 264 00:11:16,152 --> 00:11:17,353 not knowing their medical condition 265 00:11:17,387 --> 00:11:18,354 and just start cutting. 266 00:11:18,388 --> 00:11:19,689 Discovering as I go. 267 00:11:19,722 --> 00:11:23,960 Sometimes, I just stare at my hands and cry. 268 00:11:23,994 --> 00:11:25,628 Hmm. Hi. 269 00:11:25,661 --> 00:11:28,564 You must be Dr. Cascade. I'm Zayday Williams. 270 00:11:28,598 --> 00:11:30,033 I just want to let you know straight out, 271 00:11:30,066 --> 00:11:31,634 I'm not interested in having a girlfriend. 272 00:11:31,667 --> 00:11:33,703 And I know that's tough to hear. 273 00:11:33,736 --> 00:11:35,471 I'm basically female Viagra. 274 00:11:37,841 --> 00:11:38,875 I'm here for my MD, 275 00:11:38,909 --> 00:11:40,944 not my MRS. 276 00:11:40,977 --> 00:11:42,879 So, Dr. Holt, since you're such a brilliant surgeon, 277 00:11:42,913 --> 00:11:44,447 tell me what you're doing here. 278 00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:46,817 I was up at the Mayo Clinic when I got poached. 279 00:11:46,850 --> 00:11:48,584 Dean Munsch saw my layout in Playgirl-- 280 00:11:48,618 --> 00:11:49,786 "Ten Hottest Doctors," 281 00:11:49,820 --> 00:11:51,721 and she offered me a gigantic signing bonus. 282 00:11:51,754 --> 00:11:53,924 I became a doctor after seeing 283 00:11:53,957 --> 00:11:55,558 the terrible medical care some of my family has gotten 284 00:11:55,591 --> 00:11:56,793 over the years. 285 00:11:56,827 --> 00:11:58,394 So, after I saw her TED talk online, 286 00:11:58,428 --> 00:11:59,395 I sought her out. 287 00:11:59,429 --> 00:12:00,763 I liked her philosophy and realized 288 00:12:00,797 --> 00:12:03,333 that's the kind of medicine I want to study, too. 289 00:12:03,366 --> 00:12:04,500 Hmm. 290 00:12:04,534 --> 00:12:06,636 Now, what happened to your wrist? 291 00:12:06,669 --> 00:12:07,838 Suicide attempt? 292 00:12:07,871 --> 00:12:09,072 (chuckling): No. 293 00:12:09,105 --> 00:12:10,073 I'm the recipient of the world's 294 00:12:10,106 --> 00:12:11,641 first complete hand transplant. 295 00:12:11,674 --> 00:12:12,675 Are you serious? That's not your real hand? 296 00:12:12,708 --> 00:12:14,344 (loud bang) 297 00:12:14,377 --> 00:12:16,146 Of course it's my real hand. 298 00:12:16,179 --> 00:12:17,447 You buy a used car, is it yours 299 00:12:17,480 --> 00:12:19,449 or the guy who used to own it? 300 00:12:19,482 --> 00:12:21,651 I'm the genius, not the hand. 301 00:12:21,684 --> 00:12:22,685 How'd you lose it? 302 00:12:23,719 --> 00:12:25,455 Super Bowl accident. 303 00:12:25,488 --> 00:12:26,923 You played in the Super Bowl? 304 00:12:26,957 --> 00:12:28,091 Sorry. 305 00:12:28,124 --> 00:12:30,293 Super Bowl party accident. 306 00:12:30,326 --> 00:12:32,295 MEN (chanting): Beast mode, beast mode, beast mode! 307 00:12:32,328 --> 00:12:34,330 (whistle blows) It was Super Bowl 49. 308 00:12:34,364 --> 00:12:35,798 I was working in a hospital 309 00:12:35,832 --> 00:12:37,767 up in Seattle. 310 00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:39,635 The next tragic series of events still haunts me. 311 00:12:39,669 --> 00:12:40,770 First, the power goes out. 312 00:12:40,803 --> 00:12:42,939 (all yelling) Really? 313 00:12:42,973 --> 00:12:46,609 Next, my idiot friend Matty starts flipping light switches 314 00:12:46,642 --> 00:12:48,011 to see if they're working. 315 00:12:48,044 --> 00:12:50,213 Next, I started getting stressed about the mess. 316 00:12:50,246 --> 00:12:52,215 I had surgery in the morning and I can't go to sleep 317 00:12:52,248 --> 00:12:53,283 with a dirty house, 318 00:12:53,316 --> 00:12:55,518 so I started doing the dishes. 319 00:12:55,551 --> 00:12:58,021 The soap must have lubed up my hands, because 320 00:12:58,054 --> 00:13:00,456 my Harvard class ring fell off. 321 00:13:00,490 --> 00:13:02,025 Did I tell you I went to Harvard? Well, I did. 322 00:13:02,058 --> 00:13:03,693 Harvard University. 323 00:13:03,726 --> 00:13:05,328 Anyway, my ring fell down the drain, 324 00:13:05,361 --> 00:13:08,131 I-- I stuck my hand down to retrieve it, not realizing 325 00:13:08,164 --> 00:13:10,333 that Matty had turned on the garbage disposal. 326 00:13:10,366 --> 00:13:12,869 Then, the power came back on. 327 00:13:12,903 --> 00:13:14,037 (disposal whirring) 328 00:13:14,070 --> 00:13:16,372 (men whooping) (screaming) 329 00:13:16,406 --> 00:13:20,776 (screaming continues) 330 00:13:23,246 --> 00:13:25,715 Oh, my God. That's horrible. 331 00:13:25,748 --> 00:13:27,150 That wasn't the worst part. 332 00:13:27,183 --> 00:13:29,652 You see, once in every generation, 333 00:13:29,685 --> 00:13:31,854 a surgical prodigy arises. 334 00:13:31,888 --> 00:13:33,823 That prodigy is me. 335 00:13:33,856 --> 00:13:35,591 At 23, I was the head surgeon 336 00:13:35,625 --> 00:13:39,095 on the operation that separated the Hemsworth brothers. 337 00:13:39,129 --> 00:13:40,997 W-Wait. They're not even twins. 338 00:13:41,031 --> 00:13:43,233 Well, that's what made the procedure so difficult. 339 00:13:43,266 --> 00:13:46,002 The point is, that for years, I was the guy you called 340 00:13:46,036 --> 00:13:47,603 when no one else could do the job. 341 00:13:47,637 --> 00:13:49,072 I was the best. 342 00:13:49,105 --> 00:13:50,273 And, uh, 343 00:13:50,306 --> 00:13:52,408 I got my hand and... 344 00:13:52,442 --> 00:13:53,843 couldn't get a job. 345 00:13:53,876 --> 00:13:55,511 I was like "Shoeless" Joe Jackson, 346 00:13:55,545 --> 00:13:57,780 being banned from baseball in his prime. 347 00:13:57,813 --> 00:13:59,983 "Handless" Joe Jackson. 348 00:14:02,118 --> 00:14:04,754 For two years, I suffered 349 00:14:04,787 --> 00:14:07,357 as I watched other lesser surgeons do my job. 350 00:14:07,390 --> 00:14:09,025 It broke my heart, 351 00:14:09,059 --> 00:14:11,461 'cause I knew I could still do it. 352 00:14:11,494 --> 00:14:12,862 I mean, yes, 353 00:14:12,895 --> 00:14:14,264 I would still see the patients. 354 00:14:14,297 --> 00:14:15,565 And don't get me wrong, I'm a genius 355 00:14:15,598 --> 00:14:17,267 at solving medical problems-- 356 00:14:17,300 --> 00:14:19,202 you know, connecting the dots, but... 357 00:14:19,235 --> 00:14:21,037 (loud bang) I'm a surgeon! 358 00:14:21,071 --> 00:14:22,238 It's my identity. 359 00:14:22,272 --> 00:14:23,739 And it's why I owe Dean Munsch 360 00:14:23,773 --> 00:14:26,076 for finding me and giving me a second chance. 361 00:14:26,109 --> 00:14:28,444 That is admirable. 362 00:14:28,478 --> 00:14:30,213 Well, what choice do I have? 363 00:14:30,246 --> 00:14:31,581 This place is my last chance. 364 00:14:31,614 --> 00:14:34,484 If it doesn't work out, 365 00:14:34,517 --> 00:14:37,287 I've got nothing. 366 00:14:37,320 --> 00:14:38,321 Hmm. 367 00:14:38,354 --> 00:14:39,322 (gasps) 368 00:14:39,355 --> 00:14:40,656 You're freezing. 369 00:14:40,690 --> 00:14:42,292 Yeah, I, uh, 370 00:14:42,325 --> 00:14:43,459 I run cold. 371 00:14:43,493 --> 00:14:44,927 Oh, no, my grandmother runs cold. 372 00:14:44,961 --> 00:14:46,129 She has to wear a little knit cap in the fall, 373 00:14:46,162 --> 00:14:47,630 but you... 374 00:14:47,663 --> 00:14:49,265 you feel like a block of ice. 375 00:14:49,299 --> 00:14:51,801 Well, I envy ice. 376 00:14:51,834 --> 00:14:54,237 At least, if you give it warmth, it melts. 377 00:14:54,270 --> 00:14:55,771 WOMAN (over speaker): Dr. Semedla, 378 00:14:55,805 --> 00:14:57,573 please report to urology. 379 00:14:57,607 --> 00:14:59,575 CATHERINE: I'm basically a shut-in. 380 00:14:59,609 --> 00:15:02,078 The only night I go out is Halloween. 381 00:15:02,112 --> 00:15:04,280 Just, I want a normal life. 382 00:15:04,314 --> 00:15:05,415 Of course you do, sweetheart. 383 00:15:05,448 --> 00:15:06,682 And-and you deserve that. 384 00:15:06,716 --> 00:15:08,118 Yeah, but like they say, 385 00:15:08,151 --> 00:15:09,319 deserve has got nothing to do with it. 386 00:15:09,352 --> 00:15:10,586 We were right the first time, 387 00:15:10,620 --> 00:15:11,621 there's nothing we could do. 388 00:15:11,654 --> 00:15:13,089 No, that's not possible. 389 00:15:13,123 --> 00:15:14,190 We just have to try harder. 390 00:15:14,224 --> 00:15:15,858 No, it-- this is an issue 391 00:15:15,891 --> 00:15:17,527 on a chromosomal level. Right. 392 00:15:17,560 --> 00:15:19,795 It'd be like asking us to make your eyes blue. 393 00:15:19,829 --> 00:15:21,464 Mm-hmm. Or me warmer. 394 00:15:21,497 --> 00:15:23,499 WOMAN (over speaker): ...14. Chamberlain Jackson 395 00:15:23,533 --> 00:15:25,435 and his magic cart. Room 314. 396 00:15:25,468 --> 00:15:27,370 CATHERINE: I knew it. I should have never come here. 397 00:15:27,403 --> 00:15:28,871 Let you get my hopes up. 398 00:15:28,904 --> 00:15:29,972 Oh... Sorry to interrupt, 399 00:15:30,006 --> 00:15:31,707 but I thought I heard a patient 400 00:15:31,741 --> 00:15:33,543 who maybe needs a little bit of cheering up. 401 00:15:33,576 --> 00:15:35,445 Excuse me? 402 00:15:35,478 --> 00:15:36,679 You can't just barge into a room like this. 403 00:15:36,712 --> 00:15:37,947 Well, actually, that is my job. 404 00:15:37,980 --> 00:15:40,383 The Craigslist ad said, "uplifting male, 405 00:15:40,416 --> 00:15:43,686 "20 to 30, needed for unpaid nurse's aid position 406 00:15:43,719 --> 00:15:44,954 to start immediately." 407 00:15:44,987 --> 00:15:46,622 How you doing, pretty little lady? 408 00:15:46,656 --> 00:15:48,658 My name is Chamberlain Jackson, and I'm your 409 00:15:48,691 --> 00:15:50,660 friendly neighborhood candy striper. 410 00:15:50,693 --> 00:15:53,229 This right here is what I call my magic cart. 411 00:15:53,263 --> 00:15:56,032 Take two of these and call me in the morning, Hairy Mary. 412 00:15:56,066 --> 00:15:57,167 Boo-yeah! 413 00:15:57,200 --> 00:15:58,301 (laughs) 414 00:15:58,334 --> 00:15:59,702 I am leaving here 415 00:15:59,735 --> 00:16:00,803 right now. 416 00:16:00,836 --> 00:16:02,205 I've never been so embarrassed 417 00:16:02,238 --> 00:16:03,973 in all my life! No, no, please. 418 00:16:04,006 --> 00:16:05,141 Just give us one week. 419 00:16:05,175 --> 00:16:06,676 Okay? I promise you, 420 00:16:06,709 --> 00:16:09,512 by next week, we will have a cure. 421 00:16:12,782 --> 00:16:14,517 Yeah, sure. 422 00:16:15,751 --> 00:16:18,154 Okay. 423 00:16:18,188 --> 00:16:21,124 There's no way I can eat that. S... stick to me. 424 00:16:22,225 --> 00:16:23,059 She's good. 425 00:16:24,627 --> 00:16:28,064 Okay. We need to have a discussion. 426 00:16:28,098 --> 00:16:29,099 (groans) 427 00:16:29,132 --> 00:16:30,366 Does it involve 428 00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:31,934 the inane decision 429 00:16:31,967 --> 00:16:34,170 to make our first case an incurable 430 00:16:34,204 --> 00:16:35,671 genetic disorder? 431 00:16:35,705 --> 00:16:38,040 Why on Earth did I insist 432 00:16:38,074 --> 00:16:40,876 on making Werewolf Girl our flagship case? 433 00:16:40,910 --> 00:16:42,412 It'd be easier to cure Zika. 434 00:16:42,445 --> 00:16:43,946 Does it not bother you that 435 00:16:43,979 --> 00:16:46,349 this hospital staff is just me and a whole bunch of dudes? 436 00:16:46,382 --> 00:16:47,417 I thought you were this 437 00:16:47,450 --> 00:16:49,119 icon of New Feminism, or something. 438 00:16:49,152 --> 00:16:51,521 Feminism... is just so boring. 439 00:16:51,554 --> 00:16:53,423 What I'm saying, 440 00:16:53,456 --> 00:16:55,891 is we could use some more ladies around here. 441 00:16:58,128 --> 00:17:00,630 Okay. I get your point. 442 00:17:02,064 --> 00:17:04,600 And I have an idea. 443 00:17:04,634 --> 00:17:07,403 I know exactly what I'm gonna do. 444 00:17:12,842 --> 00:17:15,311 (alarm ringing) 445 00:17:16,812 --> 00:17:19,149 (sighs) 446 00:17:19,182 --> 00:17:21,484 (sighs) Good morning, idiot hookers. 447 00:17:21,517 --> 00:17:23,253 Good morning, Chanel. Good morning, Chanel. 448 00:17:23,286 --> 00:17:25,087 CHANEL: You would've thought 449 00:17:25,121 --> 00:17:26,422 that once we were exonerated 450 00:17:26,456 --> 00:17:28,491 by an award-winning Netflix documentary, 451 00:17:28,524 --> 00:17:31,494 and let out of the asylum, that the Chanels would be heroes. 452 00:17:31,527 --> 00:17:33,596 You would be wrong. 453 00:17:33,629 --> 00:17:35,798 We were pariahs. We were innocent of the crime, 454 00:17:35,831 --> 00:17:38,468 but guilty of being awful. 455 00:17:38,501 --> 00:17:41,571 Our grade-A blue ribbon realness got us ostracized. 456 00:17:41,604 --> 00:17:42,705 (tires screeching to a halt) 457 00:17:44,274 --> 00:17:46,609 Oh! (gasps) You girls are the worst! 458 00:17:46,642 --> 00:17:49,612 CHANEL: We had a serious public image problem. 459 00:17:49,645 --> 00:17:52,782 America hated us, our wealthy families had disowned us, 460 00:17:52,815 --> 00:17:55,017 but we kept our noses to the grindstone 461 00:17:55,050 --> 00:17:56,619 and went back to finish college. 462 00:17:56,652 --> 00:17:59,755 Chanel... #5? 463 00:17:59,789 --> 00:18:02,325 CHANEL: We decided to be communications majors, because 464 00:18:02,358 --> 00:18:05,094 it's by far the easiest, (mild applause) 465 00:18:05,127 --> 00:18:07,096 but quickly learned that a degree in communications 466 00:18:07,129 --> 00:18:08,631 is practically worthless. 467 00:18:08,664 --> 00:18:10,666 (light applause) And then, 468 00:18:10,700 --> 00:18:12,302 I realized something. That maybe 469 00:18:12,335 --> 00:18:14,304 the best way to rehabilitate our image 470 00:18:14,337 --> 00:18:16,105 was by doing something good for a change. 471 00:18:16,138 --> 00:18:17,707 * Don't drink, don't smoke... * 472 00:18:17,740 --> 00:18:20,343 I decided it was time for us to start giving back. 473 00:18:20,376 --> 00:18:23,613 #5 got a job as a receptionist at a dentist's office. 474 00:18:23,646 --> 00:18:25,481 Bryte Smile Children's Dental, how may I direct your smile? (phone ringing) 475 00:18:25,515 --> 00:18:28,017 Hold on. CHANEL: She said it was because they provided 476 00:18:28,050 --> 00:18:29,285 free services to the poor. 477 00:18:29,319 --> 00:18:31,454 Can everyone just shut up?! 478 00:18:31,487 --> 00:18:33,656 Do you not see that I am on the phone?! CHANEL: But I'm convinced 479 00:18:33,689 --> 00:18:36,692 #5 did it to get free braces for her vagina teeth. 480 00:18:36,726 --> 00:18:38,394 Bryte Smile Children's Dental, how may I direct your smile? 481 00:18:38,428 --> 00:18:42,131 #3 got a job mopping up at the local men's fertility clinic. 482 00:18:42,164 --> 00:18:43,833 * Must be something inside... * 483 00:18:43,866 --> 00:18:45,901 She was in heaven. 484 00:18:48,838 --> 00:18:52,174 It's okay. I'm scared of needles too, but I promise you, 485 00:18:52,208 --> 00:18:54,510 you won't feel a thing. CHANEL: It turns out, 486 00:18:54,544 --> 00:18:56,212 I love blood! Love it! 487 00:18:56,246 --> 00:19:00,015 It's 92% water, and contains hemoglobin, which 488 00:19:00,049 --> 00:19:02,252 transports oxygen throughout our circulatory system. 489 00:19:02,285 --> 00:19:03,386 Where did I learn this? 490 00:19:03,419 --> 00:19:05,154 In a course I took to become 491 00:19:05,187 --> 00:19:06,489 a certified phlebotomist, 492 00:19:06,522 --> 00:19:08,424 that I passed with flying colors. 493 00:19:08,458 --> 00:19:11,160 (exhales) * Must be something inside 494 00:19:11,193 --> 00:19:14,163 * 'Cause I don't drink, don't smoke. What do you do? * 495 00:19:14,196 --> 00:19:16,899 CHANEL: It turns out... There we go! 496 00:19:16,932 --> 00:19:20,069 All done. I'm really good at poking people. 497 00:19:20,102 --> 00:19:23,673 Still, we were poor and exhausted. 498 00:19:23,706 --> 00:19:26,108 May I have some more, please? Get your own damn pie! 499 00:19:26,141 --> 00:19:28,177 I've been mopping wads all week. 500 00:19:28,210 --> 00:19:31,080 Who would've guessed it would come to this? 501 00:19:31,113 --> 00:19:33,249 Two years ago, I had just been elected 502 00:19:33,283 --> 00:19:36,252 Kappa House president, and I was dating the hottest guy on campus 503 00:19:36,286 --> 00:19:37,453 who loved porking me 504 00:19:37,487 --> 00:19:39,088 because I was hot and rich. 505 00:19:39,121 --> 00:19:41,223 We were on top of the world. 506 00:19:41,257 --> 00:19:42,958 Or at least I was. 507 00:19:42,992 --> 00:19:44,927 You too were just sort of along for the ride. 508 00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:48,531 And then one serial killer goes on one campus killing spree 509 00:19:48,564 --> 00:19:51,066 and frames us for murder, and the next thing you know, 510 00:19:51,100 --> 00:19:53,068 we spend every night eating fruit pies, 511 00:19:53,102 --> 00:19:54,470 sitting on a stoop because 512 00:19:54,504 --> 00:19:57,239 no one will give us their HBO GO password. 513 00:19:57,273 --> 00:19:58,574 (sighs) 514 00:20:07,116 --> 00:20:08,384 * 515 00:20:08,418 --> 00:20:10,620 (car door closes) Oh, my God. 516 00:20:10,653 --> 00:20:12,054 Dean Munsch? 517 00:20:12,087 --> 00:20:14,624 Hello, Chanel. Chanels. 518 00:20:16,659 --> 00:20:17,927 What do you even want from us? 519 00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:20,730 (scoffs) Let's call it redemption. 520 00:20:20,763 --> 00:20:23,165 Here's the pitch. 521 00:20:23,198 --> 00:20:25,468 I want you to enroll as medical students 522 00:20:25,501 --> 00:20:27,570 and come work at my hospital. 523 00:20:27,603 --> 00:20:28,804 Yes, we'd love to! 524 00:20:28,838 --> 00:20:30,340 That's amazing! 525 00:20:30,373 --> 00:20:32,274 Shut up, Number Five! 526 00:20:32,308 --> 00:20:33,443 Okay, that offer 527 00:20:33,476 --> 00:20:35,345 is insane! 528 00:20:35,378 --> 00:20:36,912 Why would you do that? 529 00:20:36,946 --> 00:20:39,148 It does appear from your current employment 530 00:20:39,181 --> 00:20:41,617 that you have some experience in the medical field. 531 00:20:41,651 --> 00:20:44,454 And I think you girls still have a lot to learn. 532 00:20:44,487 --> 00:20:46,889 And I want to help you learn it. 533 00:20:55,898 --> 00:20:58,000 (clinking in distance) 534 00:21:05,375 --> 00:21:07,743 (clank in distance) 535 00:21:09,512 --> 00:21:11,113 Hello?! 536 00:21:11,146 --> 00:21:13,849 (door opens) (gasping) 537 00:21:17,252 --> 00:21:19,522 No! 538 00:21:23,092 --> 00:21:26,662 (screaming) 539 00:21:28,498 --> 00:21:30,833 Oh, hey there, Z. You seem surprised to see us. 540 00:21:30,866 --> 00:21:32,835 I don't understand. What are you doing here? 541 00:21:32,868 --> 00:21:34,236 We work at the hospital now! 542 00:21:34,269 --> 00:21:36,238 That's not possible. You're not medical students. 543 00:21:36,271 --> 00:21:38,474 We are now. I mean, Dean Munsch arranged the whole thing. 544 00:21:38,508 --> 00:21:40,075 Didn't she do the same thing for you? 545 00:21:40,109 --> 00:21:42,077 No. I got into medical school all by myself, 546 00:21:42,111 --> 00:21:44,580 which took a year and a half and was really hard. 547 00:21:45,581 --> 00:21:47,650 I'm so glad you guys are here! 548 00:21:47,683 --> 00:21:51,353 Oh... This is gonna be so much fun. 549 00:21:51,387 --> 00:21:53,255 I think I speak for all three of us when I say 550 00:21:53,288 --> 00:21:54,690 that becoming a doctor was never the dream. 551 00:21:54,724 --> 00:21:56,426 Come on. We're gonna be late. 552 00:22:00,463 --> 00:22:01,931 Ew. 553 00:22:01,964 --> 00:22:04,400 Why? 554 00:22:10,239 --> 00:22:13,909 All right, ladies, pick a locker. This is where you change 555 00:22:13,943 --> 00:22:16,846 out of your regular clothes and put on 556 00:22:16,879 --> 00:22:18,247 your scrubs. This is mine. 557 00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:19,915 It's purple-- my favorite color. 558 00:22:19,949 --> 00:22:22,852 No. Nuh-uh. I am not wearing disposable clothing. 559 00:22:22,885 --> 00:22:25,588 I mean, you cannot tell me, as a registered voter 560 00:22:25,621 --> 00:22:28,257 of these United States, what I can and cannot wear. 561 00:22:28,290 --> 00:22:30,526 * She's got the look * She's got the look * 562 00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:33,596 * She's got the look * She's got the look * 563 00:22:33,629 --> 00:22:38,200 * What in the world can make a brown-eyed girl turn blue * 564 00:22:38,233 --> 00:22:43,439 * When everything I'll ever do I'll do for you * 565 00:22:43,473 --> 00:22:47,477 * And I go, la-la la-la, la, she's got the look... * 566 00:22:47,510 --> 00:22:50,079 Oh, my... Give me those. 567 00:22:50,112 --> 00:22:53,248 MUNSCH: Oh, Dr. Brock. 568 00:22:53,282 --> 00:22:55,417 This is my team of med students. 569 00:22:56,586 --> 00:22:57,620 (quietly): Hi. 570 00:22:57,653 --> 00:23:00,122 (sighs) 571 00:23:03,092 --> 00:23:04,994 (Chanel sighs) 572 00:23:09,131 --> 00:23:10,666 (sighs) 573 00:23:10,700 --> 00:23:11,934 (door closes) 574 00:23:11,967 --> 00:23:14,604 Um... let's go over 575 00:23:14,637 --> 00:23:17,239 what's expected of you. 576 00:23:17,272 --> 00:23:20,242 All right, Chanels, your job is 577 00:23:20,275 --> 00:23:22,678 to follow the doctors around and observe them. 578 00:23:22,712 --> 00:23:24,947 You just stand there silently. 579 00:23:24,980 --> 00:23:27,082 Something I like to call "ghosting." 580 00:23:27,116 --> 00:23:29,318 Point of order? I don't think that's what "ghosting" is. 581 00:23:29,351 --> 00:23:31,587 "Ghosting" is when you leave a party without saying good-bye. 582 00:23:31,621 --> 00:23:33,188 That's a French exit. Okay, you guys are all idiots. 583 00:23:33,222 --> 00:23:34,524 "Ghosting" is when you've been texting with a guy 584 00:23:34,557 --> 00:23:35,958 for a long time, and you know, 585 00:23:35,991 --> 00:23:37,693 things are going really, really well, 586 00:23:37,727 --> 00:23:38,961 and you think that he's really into you, and then, 587 00:23:38,994 --> 00:23:40,496 all of a sudden, one day, he just stops 588 00:23:40,530 --> 00:23:41,864 texting back because he finally saw what you look like. 589 00:23:41,897 --> 00:23:43,265 And so you just text him, and you're like, 590 00:23:43,298 --> 00:23:44,667 "Hey, sexy, where'd you go?" And then 591 00:23:44,700 --> 00:23:46,101 he just doesn't answer because he ghosted. 592 00:23:46,135 --> 00:23:48,170 Wait. Isn't "ghosting" when you do a number two 593 00:23:48,203 --> 00:23:50,205 and you look down at the paper, and there's nothing there, 594 00:23:50,239 --> 00:23:51,941 and so you stand up, and you look in the toilet, 595 00:23:51,974 --> 00:23:53,943 and there's nothing there either, because the turd somehow 596 00:23:53,976 --> 00:23:55,945 got shot down the hole before you even flushed? 597 00:23:55,978 --> 00:23:58,948 That's ghosting. All right! There are a lot of 598 00:23:58,981 --> 00:24:00,516 uses for the term "ghosting." 599 00:24:00,550 --> 00:24:02,552 The usage I am describing is 600 00:24:02,585 --> 00:24:05,721 where you stand silently and say nothing. 601 00:24:06,989 --> 00:24:08,390 That's not ghosting. 602 00:24:10,192 --> 00:24:11,661 ZAYDAY: Well, Catherine, we have good news. 603 00:24:11,694 --> 00:24:13,295 I've done a whole bunch of research, and I think 604 00:24:13,328 --> 00:24:14,797 we may have found the way to treat 605 00:24:14,830 --> 00:24:16,198 and possibly cure your disease. 606 00:24:16,231 --> 00:24:17,533 Wait. Why are you doing all the talking? 607 00:24:17,567 --> 00:24:18,868 You're not even a doctor. 608 00:24:18,901 --> 00:24:20,570 Why aren't they telling me anything? 609 00:24:20,603 --> 00:24:23,238 I find that oftentimes silence is the only appropriate response 610 00:24:23,272 --> 00:24:25,407 to the gaping expanse of emptiness that stretches out 611 00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:27,142 before each and every one of us. 612 00:24:27,176 --> 00:24:29,912 Sorry. I'm just finishing up a text. 613 00:24:29,945 --> 00:24:31,581 And... sent. 614 00:24:31,614 --> 00:24:33,082 (phone whooshes) What? 615 00:24:33,115 --> 00:24:34,516 Who are they? Oh, don't mind us. 616 00:24:34,550 --> 00:24:36,686 We're ghosting. Yeah, we're ghosting. 617 00:24:36,719 --> 00:24:38,554 Isn't "ghosting" when you leave a party early 618 00:24:38,588 --> 00:24:39,922 without saying good-bye? 619 00:24:39,955 --> 00:24:41,591 Yes, it is. Okay, just one question, 620 00:24:41,624 --> 00:24:43,025 and then I promise I'll start ghosting. 621 00:24:43,058 --> 00:24:44,393 How do you not, like, freak out 622 00:24:44,426 --> 00:24:45,995 every single time you look in the mirror? 623 00:24:46,028 --> 00:24:48,397 Oh, my God, thank you. I had the exact same question. 624 00:24:48,430 --> 00:24:50,265 You guys need to shut your mouths right now! 625 00:24:50,299 --> 00:24:52,602 In a second. One last thing. 626 00:24:52,635 --> 00:24:54,369 So sometimes when I'm feeling a little bit bloaty, 627 00:24:54,403 --> 00:24:55,838 and I really need to puke, 628 00:24:55,871 --> 00:24:57,607 I try to, like, envision a hairy shower drain. 629 00:24:57,640 --> 00:24:59,441 And sometimes it works, and I can barf. 630 00:24:59,474 --> 00:25:01,611 But then, other times, the image is just not gross enough. 631 00:25:01,644 --> 00:25:03,045 So I was just wondering if you could maybe 632 00:25:03,078 --> 00:25:04,614 describe your shower drain for me. 633 00:25:04,647 --> 00:25:06,949 No! I'm... Wait. I'm picturing it right now. 634 00:25:09,318 --> 00:25:11,220 (retching) 635 00:25:11,253 --> 00:25:12,722 (gulps) 636 00:25:12,755 --> 00:25:14,724 Mm-hmm. Thank you. That'll work really well. 637 00:25:14,757 --> 00:25:16,592 I am sorry about their behavior. 638 00:25:16,626 --> 00:25:17,960 They're new to the hospital setting. 639 00:25:17,993 --> 00:25:19,962 I want to outline what I think could be 640 00:25:19,995 --> 00:25:22,031 a very promising experimental treatment. 641 00:25:22,064 --> 00:25:24,233 Researchers in Berlin have isolated what is called 642 00:25:24,266 --> 00:25:26,368 a "brain-derived neurotrophic factor" 643 00:25:26,401 --> 00:25:27,770 that is prominently involved in the control 644 00:25:27,803 --> 00:25:29,639 of murine hair follicle cycling. 645 00:25:29,672 --> 00:25:31,641 This BDNF is active in the basal forebrain. 646 00:25:31,674 --> 00:25:33,075 That's at the front of the brain, 647 00:25:33,108 --> 00:25:34,810 right above the eye sockets. 648 00:25:34,844 --> 00:25:37,246 Now, while such a procedure has never been attempted before, 649 00:25:37,279 --> 00:25:40,650 it is my belief that if we drill a small hole 650 00:25:40,683 --> 00:25:42,251 into the skull... 651 00:25:42,284 --> 00:25:44,153 You want to give me a lobotomy?! 652 00:25:44,186 --> 00:25:47,056 Now, Catherine, let's not get our dander up. 653 00:25:47,089 --> 00:25:49,258 Now, listen, I have to be honest with you. 654 00:25:49,291 --> 00:25:52,494 Now, in a case as severe as yours, we have very few options. 655 00:25:52,527 --> 00:25:57,266 Now, this procedure, you know, somewhat, uh, invasive and all, 656 00:25:57,299 --> 00:26:00,069 could provide a little relief 657 00:26:00,102 --> 00:26:01,470 from your symptoms. 658 00:26:01,503 --> 00:26:02,838 I really do want it all gone. 659 00:26:02,872 --> 00:26:04,907 We know that this is a big decision, 660 00:26:04,940 --> 00:26:06,475 and we don't want to rush you, 661 00:26:06,508 --> 00:26:08,644 but as this is an experimental procedure, 662 00:26:08,678 --> 00:26:10,112 if you do decide to move forward, 663 00:26:10,145 --> 00:26:11,580 we're gonna need you to sign this 664 00:26:11,613 --> 00:26:13,983 consent form. 665 00:26:16,151 --> 00:26:18,520 Um... 666 00:26:18,553 --> 00:26:20,455 Just sign it, Sasquatch! 667 00:26:20,489 --> 00:26:22,524 (over P.A.): Chamberlain Jackson and his magic cart, please... (screams) 668 00:26:22,557 --> 00:26:23,993 Oh, my God, ghosts. 669 00:26:24,026 --> 00:26:25,661 They're not ghosts, idiot. They're nurses. 670 00:26:25,695 --> 00:26:28,097 Just try not to touch them, Number Five. 671 00:26:28,130 --> 00:26:30,032 We're doctors now which means nurses 672 00:26:30,065 --> 00:26:31,533 are basically our servants. 673 00:26:31,566 --> 00:26:32,735 WOMAN: Excuse me? 674 00:26:34,036 --> 00:26:36,271 Ew. Who are you? 675 00:26:36,305 --> 00:26:37,807 I'm Ingrid Marie Hoffel. 676 00:26:37,840 --> 00:26:40,042 I'm an advanced practice registered nurse 677 00:26:40,075 --> 00:26:42,978 and the C.U.R.E. Institute's head of administration. 678 00:26:43,012 --> 00:26:46,281 Hold on, you're aware that your name is I.M. Hoffel, right? 679 00:26:46,315 --> 00:26:48,217 I run this hospital. 680 00:26:48,250 --> 00:26:50,519 I'm in charge of all executive hires. 681 00:26:50,552 --> 00:26:52,855 I read your files. You girls are not doctors. 682 00:26:52,888 --> 00:26:55,457 I have no idea why Munsch asked you here 683 00:26:55,490 --> 00:26:57,126 but it must've been to kill you, 684 00:26:57,159 --> 00:26:59,394 because you are utterly unqualified 685 00:26:59,428 --> 00:27:01,897 to practice medicine in any shape or form. 686 00:27:01,931 --> 00:27:04,233 You do not belong here. 687 00:27:04,266 --> 00:27:05,634 We're actually late for a personal meeting 688 00:27:05,667 --> 00:27:07,236 with your boss, Dean Munsch, 689 00:27:07,269 --> 00:27:10,472 so I will be sure to pass along your concerns, Nurse Hoffel. 690 00:27:10,505 --> 00:27:11,841 Listen, little girl, 691 00:27:11,874 --> 00:27:13,408 just so we're clear, 692 00:27:13,442 --> 00:27:14,910 I don't like you. 693 00:27:14,944 --> 00:27:19,014 You mess with me, and I will eat you for lunch. 694 00:27:19,915 --> 00:27:21,884 Carry on. (gasps) 695 00:27:21,917 --> 00:27:24,887 (over P.A.): Nurse Hoffel, a bedpan emergency 696 00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:27,289 in 402. 697 00:27:28,758 --> 00:27:31,593 Oh. Hello, Zayday. Dean Munsch summoned us here 698 00:27:31,626 --> 00:27:34,029 to speak with her in private. MUNSCH: Oh, no. Actually, 699 00:27:34,063 --> 00:27:35,931 it was Zayday who summoned you. 700 00:27:35,965 --> 00:27:38,167 She was just filling me in on your antics 701 00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:39,568 down in the examination room? 702 00:27:39,601 --> 00:27:40,936 ZAYDAY: You just met a horribly 703 00:27:40,970 --> 00:27:42,371 disfigured woman, 704 00:27:42,404 --> 00:27:43,839 and you couldn't even help yourselves. 705 00:27:43,873 --> 00:27:45,540 Instead of choosing to help the poor woman, 706 00:27:45,574 --> 00:27:46,942 you chose to humiliate her. 707 00:27:46,976 --> 00:27:49,344 Okay, once again, 708 00:27:49,378 --> 00:27:51,613 you have completely misread a situation 709 00:27:51,646 --> 00:27:53,916 and blown it way out of proportion. 710 00:27:53,949 --> 00:27:56,952 Dean Munsch, if you don't fix this problem right now, 711 00:27:56,986 --> 00:27:59,621 I am fully prepared to tender my resignation. 712 00:27:59,654 --> 00:28:01,390 Zayday, that won't be necessary. 713 00:28:01,423 --> 00:28:03,225 Chanels, you are now 714 00:28:03,258 --> 00:28:05,127 on academic probation, 715 00:28:05,160 --> 00:28:08,764 and confined to your dormitories until further notice. 716 00:28:08,798 --> 00:28:10,933 And in the meantime, I expect 10,000 words 717 00:28:10,966 --> 00:28:13,702 on bedside manner in clinical practice by Thursday. 718 00:28:13,735 --> 00:28:16,371 Hold on. We still get our salaries, right? 719 00:28:16,405 --> 00:28:17,907 (chuckles) What? 720 00:28:17,940 --> 00:28:19,875 Our doctor's salaries? 721 00:28:19,909 --> 00:28:21,476 No! What?! 722 00:28:21,510 --> 00:28:23,712 (laughs) You were never getting paid. 723 00:28:23,745 --> 00:28:25,714 You're not doctors. 724 00:28:25,747 --> 00:28:27,482 You are getting free room and board, 725 00:28:27,516 --> 00:28:29,718 and you are getting put through medical school. 726 00:28:29,751 --> 00:28:32,221 I don't know where you got the idea 727 00:28:32,254 --> 00:28:34,323 that you were also getting a salary. 728 00:28:34,356 --> 00:28:37,993 (Chanels screaming) 729 00:28:45,334 --> 00:28:48,603 You know, this actually isn't so bad at all. 730 00:28:48,637 --> 00:28:51,440 Seriously, after one day of work, I, like, definitely 731 00:28:51,473 --> 00:28:53,775 needed a vacation to just, like, unplug, you know? 732 00:28:53,809 --> 00:28:56,278 You stupid dugongs! 733 00:28:56,311 --> 00:28:58,113 Don't you get it? It wasn't so long ago 734 00:28:58,147 --> 00:29:02,351 that I was on the fast track to becoming a network news anchor. 735 00:29:02,384 --> 00:29:06,288 I had a dream, and that dream was to be the next Diane Sawyer, 736 00:29:06,321 --> 00:29:09,291 and now I realize that's never gonna happen! 737 00:29:09,324 --> 00:29:11,827 Sorry. What did you say? I zoned out for a sec. 738 00:29:13,062 --> 00:29:14,997 Wait a second. 739 00:29:15,030 --> 00:29:17,599 Maybe we won't be network news anchors. 740 00:29:17,632 --> 00:29:20,269 But what's stopping us from becoming special 741 00:29:20,302 --> 00:29:22,304 medical correspondents for Fox News?! 742 00:29:22,337 --> 00:29:23,472 What are you talking about? 743 00:29:23,505 --> 00:29:25,007 We'll become TV doctors. 744 00:29:25,040 --> 00:29:26,541 We'll have our own doctor TV shows, 745 00:29:26,575 --> 00:29:28,777 like Dr. Drew or Dr. Phil or Dr. Oz, 746 00:29:28,810 --> 00:29:30,179 or... The Doctors. 747 00:29:30,212 --> 00:29:33,015 Just imagine the amazing TV show I could do. 748 00:29:33,048 --> 00:29:34,683 I mean, I could have segments like, 749 00:29:34,716 --> 00:29:37,719 "How to Swallow a Tapeworm with Dr. Chanel Oberlin." 750 00:29:37,752 --> 00:29:40,022 And then, Number Three and I can do a segment 751 00:29:40,055 --> 00:29:43,292 where we come on the show with exotic animals from the zoo! 752 00:29:43,325 --> 00:29:46,728 Damn it, Number Five, no network would ever hire you. 753 00:29:46,761 --> 00:29:48,463 Your face is what they in the business call 754 00:29:48,497 --> 00:29:50,799 "a channel changer." 755 00:29:50,832 --> 00:29:51,666 So what do we do? 756 00:29:51,700 --> 00:29:53,002 Get back in Dean Munsch's 757 00:29:53,035 --> 00:29:54,870 good graces and get our medical degrees. 758 00:29:54,904 --> 00:29:56,171 How do we do that? 759 00:29:56,205 --> 00:29:58,908 By pulling an all-nighter and figuring out a cure 760 00:29:58,941 --> 00:30:00,842 for that Werewolf Girl before Zayday does. 761 00:30:00,876 --> 00:30:03,245 (crickets chirping) 762 00:30:18,627 --> 00:30:20,395 Chanel. 763 00:30:20,429 --> 00:30:22,998 What are you doing here? You scared the crap out of me. 764 00:30:23,032 --> 00:30:25,667 Well, I was pulling an all-nighter with the Chanels 765 00:30:25,700 --> 00:30:27,602 trying to find a cure for Werewolf Girl, 766 00:30:27,636 --> 00:30:32,174 when suddenly I realized that both Chanels are idiots. 767 00:30:32,207 --> 00:30:34,743 What are you doing here? Yeah, the same. 768 00:30:34,776 --> 00:30:37,079 We cannot perform a lobotomy on that girl. 769 00:30:37,112 --> 00:30:38,713 So what have you come up with? 770 00:30:38,747 --> 00:30:41,183 Well, I'm just trying to go over the facts. 771 00:30:41,216 --> 00:30:44,353 Uh, fact number one-- 772 00:30:44,386 --> 00:30:48,090 patient's covered in thick hair from head to toe. Right. 773 00:30:48,123 --> 00:30:50,859 Also a fact that hirsutism can be caused 774 00:30:50,892 --> 00:30:53,028 by polycystic ovary syndrome, but 775 00:30:53,062 --> 00:30:54,629 Catherine hasn't complained of any abdominal pain 776 00:30:54,663 --> 00:30:56,031 or irregular periods. 777 00:30:56,065 --> 00:30:57,566 She does have irregular eating habits. 778 00:30:57,599 --> 00:30:59,368 Have you seen this nurse's report? 779 00:30:59,401 --> 00:31:01,736 It's gross. Beef, liver and kidney beans? 780 00:31:01,770 --> 00:31:05,207 Crab legs and oyster sauce? 781 00:31:05,240 --> 00:31:09,911 12-egg omelet, no yolks, just whites and canned tuna, 782 00:31:09,945 --> 00:31:11,546 three glasses of whole milk? 783 00:31:11,580 --> 00:31:14,916 That's not an unhealthy diet, per se. 784 00:31:14,950 --> 00:31:17,652 I mean, all those foods are loaded with vitamin D. 785 00:31:17,686 --> 00:31:19,321 Vitamin D 786 00:31:19,354 --> 00:31:20,956 is a very good... 787 00:31:20,990 --> 00:31:23,758 I should be on that diet. It's good for dudes. 788 00:31:23,792 --> 00:31:27,596 (Chanel laughs) Boost the testosterone. 789 00:31:27,629 --> 00:31:29,264 Do...? 790 00:31:29,298 --> 00:31:32,667 Testosterone. 791 00:31:32,701 --> 00:31:33,668 That's it. 792 00:31:33,702 --> 00:31:34,936 Stop! Stop the operation! 793 00:31:34,970 --> 00:31:37,239 Chanel, you can't just barge in here like that. 794 00:31:37,272 --> 00:31:39,975 Yeah, you guys do know this is a sterile environment, correct? 795 00:31:40,009 --> 00:31:41,310 Testosterone. 796 00:31:41,343 --> 00:31:42,744 What? Catherine, 797 00:31:42,777 --> 00:31:44,679 your diet is extremely high in vitamin D. 798 00:31:44,713 --> 00:31:46,281 It's boosting your testosterone. 799 00:31:46,315 --> 00:31:49,318 We're gonna put you on a soy-based diet immediately. 800 00:31:49,351 --> 00:31:50,519 It'll spike your estrogen 801 00:31:50,552 --> 00:31:51,753 and bring your hormones into balance. 802 00:31:51,786 --> 00:31:53,422 Your boobs will probably get bigger, too. 803 00:31:53,455 --> 00:31:54,990 (chuckles) Starting a regimen 804 00:31:55,024 --> 00:31:56,258 of dihydrotestosterone. 805 00:31:56,291 --> 00:31:57,993 It's a byproduct of testosterone. 806 00:31:58,027 --> 00:31:59,661 It's what causes hair loss in men. 807 00:31:59,694 --> 00:32:02,431 See, if we can introduce enough DHT into your system, 808 00:32:02,464 --> 00:32:05,134 well, you'll lose hair naturally, the way a man would. 809 00:32:05,167 --> 00:32:07,369 Most men, really. 810 00:32:07,402 --> 00:32:09,504 Interesting. Yeah. It really is a... 811 00:32:09,538 --> 00:32:11,540 compelling solution, now, isn't it? 812 00:32:11,573 --> 00:32:14,876 I mean, here you were, ready to, uh, jam 813 00:32:14,909 --> 00:32:16,311 an ice pick into the patient's brain 814 00:32:16,345 --> 00:32:19,214 and sort of randomly root around willy-nilly, 815 00:32:19,248 --> 00:32:21,483 and then we come in at the last minute, 816 00:32:21,516 --> 00:32:24,786 We. saving the day, coming in with a much better treatment option, 817 00:32:24,819 --> 00:32:28,790 rendering your original procedure unnecessary. Bummer. 818 00:32:28,823 --> 00:32:31,493 Wait, hold on. So we're just not gonna do the surgery? 819 00:32:31,526 --> 00:32:34,029 That's right. Change of plans. I say we go with Chanel's idea 820 00:32:34,063 --> 00:32:36,465 first. (gasps, chuckles) 821 00:32:36,498 --> 00:32:39,468 Oh, so, Dr. Hot, just to be clear, 822 00:32:39,501 --> 00:32:42,637 you're saying that our idea is better than Zayday's idea? 823 00:32:42,671 --> 00:32:44,873 Uh... yeah. 824 00:32:44,906 --> 00:32:47,042 In this case, I would. 825 00:32:47,076 --> 00:32:50,179 Awesome. Later, Zayday. 826 00:32:51,346 --> 00:32:53,048 Chanels! (gasps) 827 00:32:53,082 --> 00:32:54,916 (panting) 828 00:33:03,292 --> 00:33:05,294 * 829 00:33:11,733 --> 00:33:13,402 How's our little Hairy Mary 830 00:33:13,435 --> 00:33:15,870 doing this morning? (gasps) 831 00:33:15,904 --> 00:33:16,905 (screams) (screams) 832 00:33:16,938 --> 00:33:18,273 Oh, my God, it worked. 833 00:33:18,307 --> 00:33:19,108 We cured her. 834 00:33:19,141 --> 00:33:20,109 You didn't tell me 835 00:33:20,142 --> 00:33:22,444 I would lose all of my hair! 836 00:33:22,477 --> 00:33:24,879 I have no hair anywhere! 837 00:33:24,913 --> 00:33:27,216 I look like a cancer patient! 838 00:33:27,249 --> 00:33:29,718 No. You look like a large baby. 839 00:33:29,751 --> 00:33:32,053 This is not okay! 840 00:33:32,087 --> 00:33:33,288 Now, hold on. 841 00:33:33,322 --> 00:33:35,124 I spent a full hour 842 00:33:35,157 --> 00:33:37,359 flirting with Dr. Brock to try to find a cure for you. 843 00:33:37,392 --> 00:33:39,294 So I'll be damned if we're giving up now. 844 00:33:39,328 --> 00:33:42,931 Catherine, I think we need to consider one more procedure. 845 00:33:42,964 --> 00:33:44,466 A makeover. 846 00:33:44,499 --> 00:33:46,935 (intro to "Vacation" by the Go-Go's playing) 847 00:33:56,478 --> 00:33:58,280 * Can't seem to get 848 00:33:58,313 --> 00:34:00,749 * My mind off of you 849 00:34:02,284 --> 00:34:04,119 * Back here at home 850 00:34:04,153 --> 00:34:06,555 * There's nothin' to do 851 00:34:06,588 --> 00:34:09,057 * Ooh 852 00:34:09,090 --> 00:34:11,726 * A week without you 853 00:34:11,760 --> 00:34:14,429 * Thought I'd forget 854 00:34:14,463 --> 00:34:16,965 * Two weeks without you 855 00:34:16,998 --> 00:34:22,404 * And I still haven't gotten over you yet * 856 00:34:22,437 --> 00:34:25,740 * Vacation, all I ever wanted 857 00:34:25,774 --> 00:34:29,010 * Vacation, had to get away 858 00:34:29,043 --> 00:34:33,182 * Vacation, meant to be spent alone * 859 00:34:33,215 --> 00:34:35,150 * 860 00:34:35,184 --> 00:34:38,153 * Vacation, all I ever wanted 861 00:34:38,187 --> 00:34:41,256 * Vacation, had to get away 862 00:34:41,290 --> 00:34:45,660 * Vacation, meant to be spent alone. * 863 00:34:45,694 --> 00:34:47,262 * 864 00:34:47,296 --> 00:34:49,664 Oh, my God. 865 00:34:49,698 --> 00:34:51,366 This is amazing. 866 00:34:51,400 --> 00:34:53,034 Thank you so much! 867 00:34:53,067 --> 00:34:55,604 You girls changed my life! 868 00:34:55,637 --> 00:34:57,306 (chuckles) 869 00:34:57,339 --> 00:35:00,975 I'm gonna go take my first Tinder profile picture. 870 00:35:01,009 --> 00:35:03,312 Side angle, dim light. We got rid of all your hair, 871 00:35:03,345 --> 00:35:05,046 but you're still a good 15 pounds from being 872 00:35:05,079 --> 00:35:06,381 even a New Jersey six. 873 00:35:06,415 --> 00:35:09,751 Oh. Okay. Okay. Okay. (chuckles) 874 00:35:10,919 --> 00:35:13,021 Ladies, you have made 875 00:35:13,054 --> 00:35:15,190 this hospital very proud. 876 00:35:15,224 --> 00:35:16,858 I mean, we're batting 1000. 877 00:35:16,891 --> 00:35:18,893 Albeit with a very small sample size. 878 00:35:18,927 --> 00:35:20,862 ZAYDAY: I hope y'all learned a valuable lesson 879 00:35:20,895 --> 00:35:22,664 about how fulfilling being a doctor can be. 880 00:35:22,697 --> 00:35:25,234 And I hope you learned a valuable lesson, Zayday, 881 00:35:25,267 --> 00:35:26,501 about how easy being 882 00:35:26,535 --> 00:35:27,736 a doctor can be. 883 00:35:27,769 --> 00:35:29,404 And maybe now we can put to bed 884 00:35:29,438 --> 00:35:31,640 all of your righteous lecturing about hard work 885 00:35:31,673 --> 00:35:33,141 and accept the fact that, through the power 886 00:35:33,174 --> 00:35:35,377 of the Internet, anyone can be an M.D. 887 00:35:35,410 --> 00:35:37,846 (chuckles) Let's go, ladies. 888 00:35:39,914 --> 00:35:41,883 (sighs) 889 00:35:41,916 --> 00:35:43,518 CHANEL #3: I don't know why everyone talks about how hard it is 890 00:35:43,552 --> 00:35:45,654 being a doctor, because we're doing an awesome job 891 00:35:45,687 --> 00:35:46,855 and it seems like curing incurable diseases 892 00:35:46,888 --> 00:35:48,257 is super easy. (chuckles) 893 00:35:48,290 --> 00:35:50,158 (elevator bell dings) 894 00:35:50,191 --> 00:35:52,160 Hello, Chanels. 895 00:35:52,193 --> 00:35:54,396 Still dressing like sluts, I see. 896 00:35:54,429 --> 00:35:56,164 Hello, Dean Munsch. Hello, Nurse. 897 00:35:56,197 --> 00:35:58,533 I thought I smelled something "Hoffel." 898 00:35:58,567 --> 00:36:00,502 (laughing): That's hilarious. 899 00:36:00,535 --> 00:36:04,038 I just registered that your name sounds like "awful." 900 00:36:04,072 --> 00:36:07,075 You know, a broken clock is still right twice a day. 901 00:36:07,108 --> 00:36:08,677 Just because you solved your first case 902 00:36:08,710 --> 00:36:10,445 doesn't make you doctors. 903 00:36:10,479 --> 00:36:13,782 Your obvious stupidity will not get past me. 904 00:36:13,815 --> 00:36:16,418 I got your number, you rich, dumb whores. 905 00:36:16,451 --> 00:36:17,686 Good to know. 906 00:36:17,719 --> 00:36:19,254 Come on, Chanels. 907 00:36:19,288 --> 00:36:21,723 It is appletini-o'clock. 908 00:36:21,756 --> 00:36:23,725 You don't belong here. 909 00:36:25,560 --> 00:36:27,462 Keep riding them. 910 00:36:27,496 --> 00:36:28,763 Hard. 911 00:36:28,797 --> 00:36:30,799 I've got plans for them. 912 00:36:33,167 --> 00:36:35,236 So do I. 913 00:36:35,270 --> 00:36:37,238 Good news. Dean Munsch was so impressed 914 00:36:37,272 --> 00:36:38,973 with our work on Chewbacca 915 00:36:39,007 --> 00:36:40,742 she decided to lift our academic probation. 916 00:36:40,775 --> 00:36:42,377 Number Five still has to work graveyard shift tonight, 917 00:36:42,411 --> 00:36:45,079 but other than that, we are fully liberated. 918 00:36:45,113 --> 00:36:47,782 Wait, why do I have to work tonight and you guys don't? 919 00:36:47,816 --> 00:36:51,219 The graveyard shift, also known as the virgin shift, 920 00:36:51,252 --> 00:36:53,722 the single and lonely shift, and the dateless shift. 921 00:36:53,755 --> 00:36:55,924 And you're the only one who doesn't have a date. 922 00:36:55,957 --> 00:36:58,293 I got asked out by Dr. Brock Holt. 923 00:36:58,327 --> 00:37:00,495 And I got asked out by Cassidy Cascade. 924 00:37:00,529 --> 00:37:02,731 (sighs) 925 00:37:02,764 --> 00:37:04,566 I like to look into these rooms 926 00:37:04,599 --> 00:37:06,234 and think about all the people who died in them, 927 00:37:06,267 --> 00:37:08,970 how every hope and resentment and emotional trauma 928 00:37:09,003 --> 00:37:10,805 they ever felt just disappeared into irrelevance 929 00:37:10,839 --> 00:37:14,242 the second it took their hearts to stop beating. 930 00:37:14,275 --> 00:37:16,244 Do you want to go on a date? 931 00:37:16,277 --> 00:37:17,912 Yeah. I guess. 932 00:37:17,946 --> 00:37:20,815 No! I refuse to accept this, okay? 933 00:37:20,849 --> 00:37:23,852 We need a fresh start, guys. I want to reinvent myself. 934 00:37:23,885 --> 00:37:25,854 Chanel, 935 00:37:25,887 --> 00:37:29,824 remember back at the asylum when we were really close and, 936 00:37:29,858 --> 00:37:33,595 you know, just like, sit on the bench sharing secrets? 937 00:37:33,628 --> 00:37:35,764 First of all, I'm not the one who decided 938 00:37:35,797 --> 00:37:37,999 to stop taking her meds when we got released. 939 00:37:38,032 --> 00:37:40,435 And second, it's pretty lousy 940 00:37:40,469 --> 00:37:43,137 for you to make me feel bad about trying to move on 941 00:37:43,171 --> 00:37:45,540 from the most traumatic experience of my life. 942 00:37:45,574 --> 00:37:48,810 I think you should take the six hours of working alone 943 00:37:48,843 --> 00:37:50,445 in this empty, creepy hospital 944 00:37:50,479 --> 00:37:52,781 to think about ways you can reinvent yourself 945 00:37:52,814 --> 00:37:55,450 into a better friend. 946 00:37:55,484 --> 00:37:58,787 Sometimes I think you're just not a very nice person. 947 00:37:58,820 --> 00:38:01,155 (gasps, sighs) 948 00:38:01,189 --> 00:38:02,857 (water running) CATHERINE: Thank you for doing this. 949 00:38:02,891 --> 00:38:06,160 They said I have to take two baths a day, or my skin 950 00:38:06,194 --> 00:38:08,963 will get flakey. You know, doctors have been using 951 00:38:08,997 --> 00:38:10,899 hydrotherapy as a treatment for nervous exhaustion 952 00:38:10,932 --> 00:38:12,667 since, like, forever. 953 00:38:12,701 --> 00:38:14,969 These used to put insane people in these things. 954 00:38:15,003 --> 00:38:18,006 And no matter how much of a raving lunatic you are, 955 00:38:18,039 --> 00:38:20,008 after an hour, you're, like, super chill. 956 00:38:20,041 --> 00:38:22,243 But that water looks really hot. 957 00:38:22,276 --> 00:38:24,479 A hydrotherapy tub should be practically 958 00:38:24,513 --> 00:38:27,816 scalding, right to the point where you can barely stand it. Hmm. Mm-hmm. 959 00:38:27,849 --> 00:38:30,251 Okay. Oh. 960 00:38:30,284 --> 00:38:31,886 Oh. Mm-hmm. 961 00:38:37,726 --> 00:38:40,261 Oh! 962 00:38:40,294 --> 00:38:42,230 Trust me, I've done it before. 963 00:38:42,263 --> 00:38:46,167 It's amazing. Now I'm just gonna close this lid. 964 00:38:46,200 --> 00:38:47,902 Mm-hmm. 965 00:38:47,936 --> 00:38:50,572 There we go. 966 00:38:50,605 --> 00:38:53,875 Uh, did it...? Did this just lock? 967 00:38:53,908 --> 00:38:56,277 Yeah, but don't worry. I'll be here the whole time. 968 00:38:56,310 --> 00:38:59,881 Oh. (humming) 969 00:38:59,914 --> 00:39:03,618 Wait. What are you do...? Duh. I'm doing one, too, okay? I'm super stressed! 970 00:39:03,652 --> 00:39:05,386 (water splashing) 971 00:39:05,420 --> 00:39:07,321 Ooh. It's bracing. 972 00:39:12,761 --> 00:39:15,096 (lid squeals, thuds shut) 973 00:39:16,431 --> 00:39:18,700 Well, did you just lock yourself in? 974 00:39:18,733 --> 00:39:21,302 How are we gonna get out of here? Relax! 975 00:39:21,335 --> 00:39:23,472 I told Chamberlain that we were coming down here. 976 00:39:23,505 --> 00:39:25,073 He's gonna come down for us in an hour. 977 00:39:25,106 --> 00:39:27,542 So just sit back and let the 978 00:39:27,576 --> 00:39:29,611 scalding hydrotherapy water 979 00:39:29,644 --> 00:39:33,114 melt away all of your stress and anxiety. 980 00:39:36,485 --> 00:39:38,920 Okay. 981 00:39:43,492 --> 00:39:46,528 (clock ticking) 982 00:39:47,796 --> 00:39:50,164 (hinges creaking) 983 00:39:54,769 --> 00:39:57,105 (hinges creaking, door closes) 984 00:39:57,138 --> 00:39:59,941 Chamberlain, is that you? 985 00:40:04,145 --> 00:40:07,716 (metallic scraping) 986 00:40:16,558 --> 00:40:18,993 (water dripping) 987 00:40:23,364 --> 00:40:26,735 (intro to "Be My Baby" by the Ronettes plays) 988 00:40:31,139 --> 00:40:37,746 * The night we met I knew I needed you so * 989 00:40:38,813 --> 00:40:40,649 * And if I had the chance 990 00:40:40,682 --> 00:40:44,085 (metallic rattling) * I'd never let you go 991 00:40:45,920 --> 00:40:49,290 * So won't you say you love me 992 00:40:49,323 --> 00:40:52,861 * I'll make you so proud of me 993 00:40:52,894 --> 00:40:58,366 * We'll make 'em turn their heads every place we go * 994 00:40:58,399 --> 00:41:00,068 * So won't you, please 995 00:41:00,101 --> 00:41:03,504 (screaming) 996 00:41:03,538 --> 00:41:06,808 * Be my little baby * My one and only baby... * 997 00:41:06,841 --> 00:41:08,476 Help me! 998 00:41:08,509 --> 00:41:10,845 No! No! No! 999 00:41:10,879 --> 00:41:13,214 (screaming) 1000 00:41:13,247 --> 00:41:15,483 Somebody please help me! 1001 00:41:15,516 --> 00:41:18,186 * I'll make you happy, baby... 1002 00:41:18,219 --> 00:41:20,488 No! (Number Five screaming) 1003 00:41:20,521 --> 00:41:22,156 Please don't! Please 1004 00:41:22,190 --> 00:41:23,992 don't kill me! Kill her! 1005 00:41:24,025 --> 00:41:26,194 Kill her! She's awful! 1006 00:41:26,227 --> 00:41:29,197 No! No! 1007 00:41:29,230 --> 00:41:34,335 * Oh, since the day I saw you 1008 00:41:34,368 --> 00:41:38,072 * I have been waiting for you 1009 00:41:38,106 --> 00:41:42,543 * You know I will adore you till eternity * 1010 00:41:42,577 --> 00:41:45,079 * So won't you, please 1011 00:41:45,113 --> 00:41:48,549 * Be my, be my baby * (screaming) 1012 00:41:51,119 --> 00:41:52,887 * Say you'll be my darlin' 1013 00:41:52,921 --> 00:41:54,956 (screaming) 1014 00:41:54,989 --> 00:41:57,926 * Be my be my baby now 1015 00:41:57,959 --> 00:41:59,994 * Whoa, oh, oh, oh. 1016 00:42:06,567 --> 00:42:11,172 * Don't turn around 1017 00:42:13,675 --> 00:42:17,846 * I'll bury you deep 1018 00:42:21,750 --> 00:42:25,353 * Whispers turn to screams 1019 00:42:29,090 --> 00:42:32,694 * You belong to me 1020 00:42:34,595 --> 00:42:36,597 * To me. 1021 00:42:39,600 --> 00:42:42,536 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH