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00:00:01,745 --> 00:00:03,712
Previously on scream queens...
(screaming)
2
00:00:03,714 --> 00:00:06,415
Munsch: The assault on your
predecessor, melanie dorkus--
3
00:00:06,417 --> 00:00:08,316
I think you did it.
4
00:00:08,318 --> 00:00:10,252
Chanel: These morons need
someone to tear them a new one.
5
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I am going to write the missive
to end all missives.
6
00:00:12,756 --> 00:00:14,923
Pete...
I can't!
7
00:00:14,925 --> 00:00:17,292
I don't want your first time
to be with a murderer.
8
00:00:19,930 --> 00:00:21,029
Wait.
9
00:00:21,031 --> 00:00:22,397
You're the red devil killer?
10
00:00:22,399 --> 00:00:23,765
No. Well, yes.
11
00:00:23,767 --> 00:00:26,101
W-well, no, but sort of.
Grace, you can't leave.
12
00:00:26,103 --> 00:00:27,569
Not until I'm done
telling you everything.
13
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Okay? I love you. I would
never, ever hurt you.
14
00:00:30,774 --> 00:00:32,040
I promise you're safe.
That was part of the deal.
15
00:00:32,042 --> 00:00:33,041
You could never be touched.
16
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Deal?
17
00:00:35,345 --> 00:00:36,344
(car horn honks)
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(shondell screams)
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The night the security guard
was killed outside of kappa,
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I was there, doing my job--
snooping.
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I risked my life.
22
00:00:46,857 --> 00:00:48,223
I followed the red devil
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00:00:48,225 --> 00:00:49,858
Right to the dickie dollar
scholars house.
24
00:00:49,860 --> 00:00:51,460
(panting)
25
00:00:52,796 --> 00:00:54,296
I followed him inside,
26
00:00:54,298 --> 00:00:56,898
Saw him
taking off his costume.
27
00:00:56,900 --> 00:00:58,100
It was boone.
28
00:00:58,102 --> 00:00:59,768
That was weeks ago.
29
00:00:59,770 --> 00:01:01,403
Wh-why didn't you turn him in?
30
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How many lives
could you have saved?
31
00:01:02,973 --> 00:01:04,473
I was... I was totally
going to, I swear.
32
00:01:04,475 --> 00:01:05,774
But then he started
talking to me.
33
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He laid the whole thing out:
34
00:01:07,244 --> 00:01:09,144
Why he was doing
what he was doing,
35
00:01:09,146 --> 00:01:12,481
How kappa had to be stopped,
how they killed his mother,
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00:01:12,483 --> 00:01:16,384
How they were humanity at their
worst, how kappa had to pay.
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And then I realized his mission
and our mission were the same.
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Our mission never involved
killing anyone.
39
00:01:22,392 --> 00:01:24,459
Oh, really?
40
00:01:24,461 --> 00:01:28,230
How was that apple cider
you gave dean munsch, grace?
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00:01:28,232 --> 00:01:31,800
Don't be mad at boone or me
for realizing before you did
42
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That the only way to
really, really bring chanel
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And her type down was
bringing them all the way
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Down to the ground,
under the ground.
45
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Everybody thinks
the red devil--
46
00:01:41,845 --> 00:01:43,945
"ooh, he's the bad guy
in all of this."
47
00:01:43,947 --> 00:01:46,248
But, no, he's not the monster.
No, no, no, no, no.
48
00:01:46,250 --> 00:01:48,150
The kappas.
The chanels.
49
00:01:48,152 --> 00:01:49,918
The dinosaur of
a greek system.
50
00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:51,853
They are the beast.
51
00:01:51,855 --> 00:01:53,455
More than half of students
52
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That join sororities
or fraternities get hazed,
53
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And it's not just wearing
raw chickens on their heads
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And calling each other gay slurs
while jumping around naked.
55
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And let's just put aside
the psychological damage
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00:02:03,033 --> 00:02:05,367
Done to each and every
one of them that were just
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00:02:05,369 --> 00:02:07,369
Looking for a
place to belong,
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00:02:07,371 --> 00:02:08,970
And instead spent months
being verbally abused
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About being a pound overweight
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Or not having the right
pair of air jordans.
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104 deaths, grace.
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00:02:17,548 --> 00:02:22,551
104 deaths and counting
since 1970.
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00:02:22,553 --> 00:02:24,819
I mean, how many
has the red devil killed, huh?
64
00:02:24,821 --> 00:02:26,021
Eight? Ten, maybe?
65
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(chuckles):
I mean, come on.
66
00:02:27,658 --> 00:02:29,691
It's not even
a competition.
67
00:02:29,693 --> 00:02:32,360
That beast is going to keep on
feeding on young lives
68
00:02:32,362 --> 00:02:35,297
Until someone cuts
its highlight-covered head off.
69
00:02:35,299 --> 00:02:37,032
Oh, and besides,
70
00:02:37,034 --> 00:02:38,833
Boone said there were
other killers, too.
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00:02:38,835 --> 00:02:41,069
It was a conspiracy.
If I turned him in,
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00:02:41,071 --> 00:02:43,138
We would have never
found out who they were.
73
00:02:43,140 --> 00:02:45,073
Stop rationalizing it.
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00:02:45,075 --> 00:02:47,409
You killed people.
You are not allowed to just say,
75
00:02:47,411 --> 00:02:50,912
"yeah, but I had
a super good reason for it."
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Who did you kill?
77
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Roger:
This feels so good.
78
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(kissing gently)
79
00:03:09,866 --> 00:03:11,466
Roger.
80
00:03:14,538 --> 00:03:17,505
(chanel #5 screams)
81
00:03:17,507 --> 00:03:19,507
(panting)
82
00:03:19,509 --> 00:03:21,076
(chanel #5 sobbing)
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00:03:25,115 --> 00:03:26,715
Pete:
Or d-dodger.
84
00:03:26,717 --> 00:03:29,217
I-I don't know.
I get them all mixed up.
85
00:03:29,219 --> 00:03:31,219
Hey, hey, hey!
Grace, grace, no.
86
00:03:31,221 --> 00:03:33,255
Grace. Grace.
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(panting)
88
00:03:35,726 --> 00:03:37,292
What, are you gonna kill me now?
89
00:03:37,294 --> 00:03:39,761
No. I would never hurt you.
90
00:03:39,763 --> 00:03:41,229
I just can't let you leave.
91
00:03:41,231 --> 00:03:42,931
Not until I'm done
telling you everything!
92
00:03:44,901 --> 00:03:46,801
(knife clatters on floor)
93
00:03:49,973 --> 00:03:51,940
I really liked you, pete.
94
00:03:51,942 --> 00:03:53,875
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Stop, stop, stop, stop...
95
00:03:53,877 --> 00:03:56,311
No, no, I'm not letting you go
from my life that easily, grace.
96
00:03:56,313 --> 00:03:57,312
Stop.
97
00:03:57,314 --> 00:03:59,080
Grace. I know that
98
00:03:59,082 --> 00:04:00,649
If you could just...
Stop.
99
00:04:00,651 --> 00:04:03,151
...Hear what I have
to say, to understand...
Please.
100
00:04:03,153 --> 00:04:05,754
...Why I did what I did,
you could still love me.
101
00:04:05,756 --> 00:04:06,955
(sobbing)
102
00:04:06,957 --> 00:04:09,958
That guy, roger,
103
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Was terrible to his brother,
did you know that?
104
00:04:12,229 --> 00:04:14,229
His whole life.
(sniffles)
105
00:04:14,231 --> 00:04:16,931
He-he ripped off dodger's
left nipple in utero.
106
00:04:16,933 --> 00:04:18,667
Don't try to
justify it all
107
00:04:18,669 --> 00:04:20,168
After the fact.
You were just mad
108
00:04:20,170 --> 00:04:22,237
That the dickie dollars
scholars rejected you.
109
00:04:22,239 --> 00:04:24,139
Of course I was. They're just
as bad as the kappa girls.
110
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But, grace, you have to
understand, I had no choice.
111
00:04:26,476 --> 00:04:28,777
No, no, no, no, no!
They showed up one day
thinking that I was
112
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A double agent,
that I couldn't be trusted.
113
00:04:29,980 --> 00:04:31,579
They were going to kill me.
114
00:04:31,581 --> 00:04:33,448
Hey, hey, you can trust me,
you can trust me!
115
00:04:33,450 --> 00:04:36,584
Ask me and I'll do anything.
I'll prove it.
116
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It was roger or me.
117
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Don't you see
that they did that on purpose?!
118
00:04:41,658 --> 00:04:43,258
They knew that if you
actually killed someone,
119
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You would be their slave!
120
00:04:44,861 --> 00:04:46,828
God!
We were the good guys.
121
00:04:46,830 --> 00:04:48,463
We were in this together!
122
00:04:48,465 --> 00:04:50,298
I did this for you.
123
00:04:50,300 --> 00:04:52,033
Don't you understand?
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I did this to be
one of the good guys, grace.
125
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I mean, come on.
126
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You practically told me to.
127
00:04:58,041 --> 00:05:01,009
Don't you remember driving back
from seeing mandy?
128
00:05:01,011 --> 00:05:03,278
Grace: The more I hear
about this whole thing,
129
00:05:03,280 --> 00:05:05,780
The more I'm starting to think
the idea that there are good
130
00:05:05,782 --> 00:05:07,649
And bad people in the world
is just something
131
00:05:07,651 --> 00:05:09,984
Adults use to get children
to stay in line.
132
00:05:09,986 --> 00:05:12,287
Mm. Well,
nietzsche said,
133
00:05:12,289 --> 00:05:13,888
(imitates matthew mcconaughey):
"you have your way,
134
00:05:13,890 --> 00:05:14,889
"I have my way.
135
00:05:14,891 --> 00:05:16,658
"as for the right way,
136
00:05:16,660 --> 00:05:19,227
"the correct way
and the only way,
137
00:05:19,229 --> 00:05:20,795
It does not exist."
138
00:05:20,797 --> 00:05:22,163
Exactly.
139
00:05:22,165 --> 00:05:24,733
I mean, how can you
possibly stop an evil
140
00:05:24,735 --> 00:05:28,036
As old as kappa house while
you're playing by the rules?
141
00:05:28,038 --> 00:05:30,872
I mean, aren't we being naive?
142
00:05:30,874 --> 00:05:33,408
What are you
suggesting?
143
00:05:33,410 --> 00:05:35,076
I don't know.
144
00:05:35,078 --> 00:05:37,512
It's just...
145
00:05:37,514 --> 00:05:39,748
(sighs)
146
00:05:39,750 --> 00:05:41,750
...Maybe the red devil
has the right idea.
147
00:05:41,752 --> 00:05:43,718
(car horn blaring)
148
00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:45,954
You took me literally?
149
00:05:47,324 --> 00:05:49,724
If you gaze long enough
into an abyss,
150
00:05:49,726 --> 00:05:53,328
That abyss
will gaze back into you.
151
00:05:55,332 --> 00:05:56,998
That is nietzsche, too, grace.
152
00:05:57,000 --> 00:06:00,235
You're quoting nietzsche?
Seriously?
153
00:06:00,237 --> 00:06:01,703
You are already
a murderer, pete,
154
00:06:01,705 --> 00:06:03,671
You don't have to be
a douche as well!
155
00:06:03,673 --> 00:06:06,441
This is not a
philosophy course.
156
00:06:06,443 --> 00:06:09,010
This is murder-- serial murder!
157
00:06:12,182 --> 00:06:14,749
I agree.
158
00:06:14,751 --> 00:06:17,619
Which is why I decided
to make it all stop.
159
00:06:19,556 --> 00:06:20,922
So I killed boone.
160
00:06:20,924 --> 00:06:23,925
♪ ♪
161
00:06:23,927 --> 00:06:27,896
He asked me to come help
kill gigi,
162
00:06:27,898 --> 00:06:31,266
But I knew this was my chance
to finally end this.
163
00:06:31,268 --> 00:06:32,801
Gigi was the planner,
164
00:06:32,803 --> 00:06:35,637
The george clooney
in their psycho ocean's eleven,
165
00:06:35,639 --> 00:06:36,938
But boone was the muscle.
166
00:06:36,940 --> 00:06:38,273
Without him...
167
00:06:38,275 --> 00:06:40,108
Gigi:
No! (gasps)
168
00:06:40,110 --> 00:06:42,243
(gasping)
169
00:06:42,245 --> 00:06:44,446
...They could never
keep this whole thing going.
170
00:06:46,450 --> 00:06:48,650
But after I did that,
171
00:06:48,652 --> 00:06:52,153
I-I-I-I-I-I...
I decided no more.
172
00:06:52,155 --> 00:06:55,390
It was time to stop.
173
00:06:55,392 --> 00:06:57,225
Except for shooting chanel
with the crossbow
174
00:06:57,227 --> 00:07:00,462
And then that other police guy,
but that was self-defense.
175
00:07:00,464 --> 00:07:02,497
That was you?
176
00:07:16,279 --> 00:07:19,080
Grace.
177
00:07:19,082 --> 00:07:22,116
I had to finish
that part of it.
178
00:07:22,118 --> 00:07:24,786
The only way to justify
this whole thing
179
00:07:24,788 --> 00:07:27,522
Was if her reign of terror
was ended.
180
00:07:27,524 --> 00:07:29,324
(sighs)
181
00:07:29,326 --> 00:07:32,360
You and I never talked about
what she did to me last year.
182
00:07:33,630 --> 00:07:35,964
She led me on for months.
183
00:07:35,966 --> 00:07:38,132
She said she was looking
to experiment sexually
184
00:07:38,134 --> 00:07:41,669
By being with a guy who wasn't
a three-pump chump like chad.
185
00:07:41,671 --> 00:07:44,138
She wanted to play out
her deepest,
186
00:07:44,140 --> 00:07:47,141
Darkest fantasies with me.
187
00:07:47,143 --> 00:07:50,445
I was so young and desperate
to be special and loved.
188
00:07:50,447 --> 00:07:52,480
I never had
a real girlfriend before.
189
00:07:52,482 --> 00:07:54,482
Pete: Are you sure
this is what you want?
190
00:07:54,484 --> 00:07:57,218
I was vulnerable enough to share
my darkest fetish with you,
191
00:07:57,220 --> 00:07:59,487
And now you're making me
feel self-conscious.
192
00:07:59,489 --> 00:08:02,323
Just come in and take me now.
193
00:08:02,325 --> 00:08:05,627
And don't forget the dialogue.
194
00:08:05,629 --> 00:08:07,695
(grunting wildly)
195
00:08:09,466 --> 00:08:11,399
(chuckles)
196
00:08:13,336 --> 00:08:15,169
(laughs)
197
00:08:15,171 --> 00:08:17,672
You are ridiculously
and laughably gullible.
198
00:08:17,674 --> 00:08:18,873
(laughter)
199
00:08:18,875 --> 00:08:20,642
Chanel #5:
I can't believe
200
00:08:20,644 --> 00:08:22,710
That you actually believed
that chanel would be turned on
201
00:08:22,712 --> 00:08:25,146
By daryl hannah in
clan of the cave bear.
202
00:08:25,148 --> 00:08:27,248
(laughter)
203
00:08:27,250 --> 00:08:31,019
(both grunting wildly)
204
00:08:31,021 --> 00:08:34,489
(laughter, grunting continues)
205
00:08:34,491 --> 00:08:36,057
What self-respecting man
wouldn't do
206
00:08:36,059 --> 00:08:39,594
Anything to get revenge
for being degraded like that?
207
00:08:39,596 --> 00:08:41,930
Unfortunately, I don't have
great aim with a crossbow
208
00:08:41,932 --> 00:08:44,065
And I can't see anything
in that mask.
209
00:08:45,535 --> 00:08:48,169
I don't want to be here anymore.
210
00:08:48,171 --> 00:08:49,938
I feel sick.
211
00:08:49,940 --> 00:08:51,439
This isn't what I wanted.
212
00:08:51,441 --> 00:08:55,076
Yes, it is. Yes, it is.
213
00:08:55,078 --> 00:08:58,780
Okay? Don't judge me for what
we both know had to happen.
214
00:08:58,782 --> 00:09:01,449
Don't you see
I did this all for you?
215
00:09:01,451 --> 00:09:03,685
For us?
216
00:09:03,687 --> 00:09:05,253
To give you what you wanted,
217
00:09:05,255 --> 00:09:07,622
To clean up the whole mess
that chanel made of kappa.
218
00:09:07,624 --> 00:09:11,593
You know what?
Let's just run away together.
219
00:09:11,595 --> 00:09:13,394
You and me.
Forget everything.
220
00:09:13,396 --> 00:09:16,264
Let the other killer
finish what we started.
221
00:09:16,266 --> 00:09:18,533
Don't you see
how much I love you?
222
00:09:18,535 --> 00:09:20,602
Don't you see what I'm willing
to do for you?
223
00:09:20,604 --> 00:09:23,705
I hate you, pete.
224
00:09:23,707 --> 00:09:27,976
You are everything I have
been fighting against.
225
00:09:27,978 --> 00:09:30,545
I never want to
see you again.
226
00:09:30,547 --> 00:09:32,947
If you want
me to stay,
227
00:09:32,949 --> 00:09:35,016
You're gonna
have to kill me.
228
00:09:38,054 --> 00:09:40,088
(door opens)
229
00:09:40,090 --> 00:09:42,390
But if you leave,
I won't be able to tell you
230
00:09:42,392 --> 00:09:43,725
Who the other killer is.
231
00:09:43,727 --> 00:09:46,260
(sighs)
232
00:09:46,262 --> 00:09:48,730
Spoiler alert:
233
00:09:48,732 --> 00:09:51,199
It's one of your sisters.
234
00:10:04,481 --> 00:10:05,980
Oh, you were right, grace.
235
00:10:05,982 --> 00:10:07,915
You were right all along.
236
00:10:07,917 --> 00:10:11,352
It was the other
baby in the bathtub.
237
00:10:11,354 --> 00:10:13,588
Boone's twin sister.
238
00:10:16,259 --> 00:10:17,992
Well, tell me. Who is it?
239
00:10:17,994 --> 00:10:19,193
Sit down.
240
00:10:19,195 --> 00:10:20,461
(scoffs)
241
00:10:20,463 --> 00:10:22,864
Come on. Just sit down.
242
00:10:27,537 --> 00:10:30,104
I mean, I really
should have known.
243
00:10:30,106 --> 00:10:31,606
It wasn't that hard
to find out.
244
00:10:31,608 --> 00:10:33,841
I just had to
collect dna samples
245
00:10:33,843 --> 00:10:35,209
From all the kappas.
246
00:10:35,211 --> 00:10:37,278
♪ ♪
247
00:10:59,335 --> 00:11:01,969
Chanel #5: No! I don't want
to speak to your supervisor!
248
00:11:01,971 --> 00:11:05,173
I want to speak
to the president of tinder!
249
00:11:05,175 --> 00:11:07,241
Your app is broken!
250
00:11:07,243 --> 00:11:10,144
I've gotten zero swipes
on my profile!
251
00:11:17,253 --> 00:11:18,653
Who is the killer?
252
00:11:18,655 --> 00:11:20,755
Who is the other baby
in the bathtub?
253
00:11:20,757 --> 00:11:23,725
You're not gonna believe it.
254
00:11:23,727 --> 00:11:25,593
The other baby in the bathtub...
255
00:11:25,595 --> 00:11:27,595
(gasps, groans)
256
00:11:27,597 --> 00:11:29,564
Run.
257
00:11:29,566 --> 00:11:31,099
(yells)
258
00:11:32,068 --> 00:11:33,935
(yells)
259
00:11:33,937 --> 00:11:35,937
(grunting)
260
00:11:42,779 --> 00:11:44,412
(screams)
261
00:11:44,414 --> 00:11:45,847
(grunting)
262
00:12:08,438 --> 00:12:10,371
There she is!
Let's get her!
263
00:12:10,373 --> 00:12:12,440
(crowd booing, clamoring)
264
00:12:14,377 --> 00:12:16,043
Chanel:
I know what you're thinking.
265
00:12:16,045 --> 00:12:17,912
Why is chanel,
the goddess of fashion
266
00:12:17,914 --> 00:12:20,882
And telling it like it is,
being tormented by fatties
267
00:12:20,884 --> 00:12:22,884
With bad haircuts
and horrible shoes?
268
00:12:22,886 --> 00:12:24,886
What was the outrage
that was so enormous
269
00:12:24,888 --> 00:12:27,321
It brought students
back to campus
270
00:12:27,323 --> 00:12:30,925
Despite the fact that a serial
killer is still on the loose?
271
00:12:30,927 --> 00:12:32,727
If you believe it,
it's all because
272
00:12:32,729 --> 00:12:35,897
I chose to pen the missive
to end all missives.
273
00:12:35,899 --> 00:12:38,966
Attention all
useless kappa sluts.
274
00:12:38,968 --> 00:12:41,602
Congratulations.
If you're reading this...
275
00:12:41,604 --> 00:12:43,404
"...It means you've
overcome the limitations
276
00:12:43,406 --> 00:12:47,341
"of your tiny manatee brains
and opened an e-mail.
277
00:12:47,343 --> 00:12:49,143
Now, if you're
asking yourself..."
278
00:12:49,145 --> 00:12:51,479
"'derr, wait, I'm confused.
Is chanel talking to me?
279
00:12:51,481 --> 00:12:53,114
"am I a useless kappa slut?'
280
00:12:53,116 --> 00:12:55,183
Simply ask yourself
the following question aloud..."
281
00:12:55,185 --> 00:12:57,652
"is my name chanel #3,
chanel #5,
282
00:12:57,654 --> 00:13:00,321
Chanel #6 or
zayday williams?"
283
00:13:00,323 --> 00:13:02,190
"because if the answer
to that is yes,
284
00:13:02,192 --> 00:13:05,193
Then felicitations,
this missive is for you."
285
00:13:05,195 --> 00:13:07,361
Chanel: So, do you all remember
when we agreed
286
00:13:07,363 --> 00:13:09,463
To meet at the campus pool
and kill the dean,
287
00:13:09,465 --> 00:13:11,098
And I got you all
awesome new phones,
288
00:13:11,100 --> 00:13:13,301
So that when
it came time to meet,
289
00:13:13,303 --> 00:13:15,436
The phone would light up a
certain color, and when it did,
290
00:13:15,438 --> 00:13:17,305
You didn't even
have to answer it,
291
00:13:17,307 --> 00:13:19,707
You just had to come meet
at the aforementioned pool?
292
00:13:19,709 --> 00:13:23,711
And then do you remember
not coming to the pool,
293
00:13:23,713 --> 00:13:25,713
Despite me making it
super easy for you
294
00:13:25,715 --> 00:13:27,448
By concocting a plan so simple
295
00:13:27,450 --> 00:13:29,450
That an orangutan
could have figured it out?
296
00:13:29,452 --> 00:13:31,652
Like, literally, a circus ape
of moderate intelligence
297
00:13:31,654 --> 00:13:33,654
Could have looked down
at the phone
298
00:13:33,656 --> 00:13:35,189
Sticking out
of the single pocket
299
00:13:35,191 --> 00:13:37,124
In the front of
his comical lederhosen
300
00:13:37,126 --> 00:13:39,660
And seen it light up
and used his short little legs
301
00:13:39,662 --> 00:13:42,063
To waddle over to his tiny,
motorized shriner's car
302
00:13:42,065 --> 00:13:43,898
And driven to the pool
like I asked.
303
00:13:43,900 --> 00:13:47,835
Do you remember any aspect
of this super simple plan?
304
00:13:47,837 --> 00:13:49,837
That's not
a rhetorical question.
305
00:13:49,839 --> 00:13:53,307
I'm literally asking if your
tiny slut brains have the power
306
00:13:53,309 --> 00:13:55,309
To process
any of my super simple
307
00:13:55,311 --> 00:13:57,178
Orangutan-level instructions.
308
00:13:57,180 --> 00:14:00,715
Because what I remember
is that none of you showed up,
309
00:14:00,717 --> 00:14:03,851
Which meant I had to sit
at that stupid pool by myself,
310
00:14:03,853 --> 00:14:05,920
Like a grade-a ass-hat,
311
00:14:05,922 --> 00:14:07,588
With a bag
full of enormous chains
312
00:14:07,590 --> 00:14:09,257
To drown dean munsch with
and then have
313
00:14:09,259 --> 00:14:11,492
A super awkward convo with her
where I was like,
314
00:14:11,494 --> 00:14:14,328
"oh, derr, I just like bringing
enormous chains to pools,"
315
00:14:14,330 --> 00:14:16,264
And I looked like a total div.
316
00:14:16,266 --> 00:14:18,499
I don't entirely know what you
whores could have been doing
317
00:14:18,501 --> 00:14:20,935
That was more important than
helping your chapter president
318
00:14:20,937 --> 00:14:23,671
Drown a serial killer,
but unless that thing
319
00:14:23,673 --> 00:14:26,340
You were doing was getting
enemas of pure liquid gold
320
00:14:26,342 --> 00:14:28,342
At a new
local establishment called
321
00:14:28,344 --> 00:14:30,077
Liquid gold colonics
for young sluts,
322
00:14:30,079 --> 00:14:32,546
Like if you were doing
literally anything else,
323
00:14:32,548 --> 00:14:34,282
You all should
seriously consider
324
00:14:34,284 --> 00:14:36,717
Doing the human race a favor
and getting sterilized.
325
00:14:36,719 --> 00:14:38,386
I'm not being facetious.
326
00:14:38,388 --> 00:14:40,521
I literally think
you should consider undergoing
327
00:14:40,523 --> 00:14:42,523
A surgical procedure
to remove your ovaries,
328
00:14:42,525 --> 00:14:45,359
Thereby sparing human race
exposure to your dna.
329
00:14:45,361 --> 00:14:48,062
You four trollops are the worst
specimens of human beings
330
00:14:48,064 --> 00:14:50,798
Ever born, and you all should
really watch your backs,
331
00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:53,301
Because if this serial killer
targeting kappa house
332
00:14:53,303 --> 00:14:55,970
Doesn't chop off your heads,
I'm going to do it!
333
00:14:55,972 --> 00:14:58,873
So I can sell your tiny
whore brainpans to science.
334
00:14:58,875 --> 00:15:01,709
Sincerely, chanel oberlin.
335
00:15:03,646 --> 00:15:05,379
So, the next day, I went to get
336
00:15:05,381 --> 00:15:07,548
An extra-hot
pumpkin spice latte...
337
00:15:07,550 --> 00:15:09,417
...And more news coming
from wallace university,
338
00:15:09,419 --> 00:15:12,119
Where an alleged serial killer
continues to stalk the campus.
339
00:15:12,121 --> 00:15:14,121
And that's when it happened.
340
00:15:14,123 --> 00:15:15,656
...After an insane sorority rant
341
00:15:15,658 --> 00:15:18,926
From kappa kappa tau president,
chanel oberlin,
342
00:15:18,928 --> 00:15:20,161
Students have returned...
343
00:15:20,163 --> 00:15:21,762
Man:
Is president obama a total div?
344
00:15:21,764 --> 00:15:23,931
Chanel oberlin's malicious...
345
00:15:23,933 --> 00:15:25,633
Woman: The new face of hate,
chanel oberlin...
346
00:15:25,635 --> 00:15:26,734
Man 2: ...Weighs in on
liquid gold colonics...
347
00:15:26,736 --> 00:15:28,235
Chanel:
No, no, no, no, no, no.
348
00:15:28,237 --> 00:15:30,671
Man 3: Chanel oberlin is being
labeled worst person alive.
349
00:15:30,673 --> 00:15:33,307
Chanel:
How did this happen?
350
00:15:39,949 --> 00:15:42,249
(crowd booing, clamoring)
351
00:15:42,251 --> 00:15:44,685
I mean,
I'm all for public shaming.
352
00:15:44,687 --> 00:15:46,187
I practically invented it.
353
00:15:46,189 --> 00:15:47,688
It's the sign
of a healthy culture.
354
00:15:47,690 --> 00:15:49,890
But not when I'm the one
getting shamed.
355
00:15:51,361 --> 00:15:54,962
I wanted to be famous,
but not like this.
356
00:15:54,964 --> 00:15:56,630
Chanel! Chanel!
What does it feel like
357
00:15:56,632 --> 00:15:58,199
To be the most hated woman
in america?
358
00:15:58,201 --> 00:15:59,700
What about an
apology, chanel?
359
00:15:59,702 --> 00:16:01,769
Man: Ms. Oberlin, any
comment at this time?
360
00:16:03,773 --> 00:16:05,439
(crowd quiets,
cameras continue snapping)
361
00:16:05,441 --> 00:16:07,108
Yes.
362
00:16:07,110 --> 00:16:08,943
I would like to comment.
363
00:16:10,279 --> 00:16:13,647
To all the so-called
mainstream media,
364
00:16:13,649 --> 00:16:16,217
Including weird web sites
that nobody has heard of
365
00:16:16,219 --> 00:16:18,986
Who have used my name
as clickbait,
366
00:16:18,988 --> 00:16:22,857
And to all the relentless
unwashed hordes on twitter,
367
00:16:22,859 --> 00:16:24,992
Who have taken every opportunity
368
00:16:24,994 --> 00:16:27,028
To mock and attack me
mercilessly
369
00:16:27,030 --> 00:16:30,898
From the safety
of their stained futons,
370
00:16:30,900 --> 00:16:34,435
I offer the following
heartfelt sentiment.
371
00:16:35,638 --> 00:16:38,005
You can all suck it!
372
00:16:38,007 --> 00:16:39,707
(crowd booing, clamoring)
373
00:16:40,977 --> 00:16:43,310
(doors creak)
374
00:16:43,312 --> 00:16:45,746
Despite my outward bravado,
I was dead inside.
375
00:16:45,748 --> 00:16:46,714
(doors close)
376
00:16:46,716 --> 00:16:48,582
In my heart,
377
00:16:48,584 --> 00:16:50,718
I knew my glamorous
reign of terror was over.
378
00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:53,988
It was going to be difficult,
but I knew what I had to do.
379
00:16:55,925 --> 00:16:57,425
I have to kill myself.
380
00:17:04,033 --> 00:17:05,966
♪ ♪
381
00:17:09,906 --> 00:17:11,505
(knocking on door)
382
00:17:11,507 --> 00:17:13,040
Leave me alone.
383
00:17:13,042 --> 00:17:15,609
Chanel...
384
00:17:15,611 --> 00:17:17,244
Are you okay?
385
00:17:17,246 --> 00:17:19,780
I said get out, please!
386
00:17:19,782 --> 00:17:21,682
I'm trying to kill myself.
387
00:17:21,684 --> 00:17:22,850
What?! How?
388
00:17:22,852 --> 00:17:24,518
Duh, with an asp.
389
00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:25,920
Like a snake?
390
00:17:25,922 --> 00:17:28,389
Yes. I ordered an asp online
391
00:17:28,391 --> 00:17:30,591
So I could kill myself
like cleopatra,
392
00:17:30,593 --> 00:17:33,060
And now I'm just waiting for it
to sense my body heat
393
00:17:33,062 --> 00:17:34,962
And come out and bite me
so this will all be over.
394
00:17:34,964 --> 00:17:36,530
Chanel, no, that's insane.
395
00:17:36,532 --> 00:17:38,466
Is it?
396
00:17:38,468 --> 00:17:40,201
Is it insane?
397
00:17:40,203 --> 00:17:42,036
My life is over.
398
00:17:42,038 --> 00:17:44,705
There was nothing left to do
but go on aliexpress
399
00:17:44,707 --> 00:17:46,707
And order a venomous snake
for same-day delivery
400
00:17:46,709 --> 00:17:48,476
And just... End it all.
401
00:17:48,478 --> 00:17:51,278
Hold on.
402
00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:53,047
(snake hissing)
403
00:17:53,049 --> 00:17:55,316
Chanel,
404
00:17:55,318 --> 00:17:56,484
This isn't an asp.
(gasps)
405
00:17:56,486 --> 00:17:57,818
It's a garter snake.
406
00:17:57,820 --> 00:17:59,954
No, it isn't.
Look at its markings.
407
00:17:59,956 --> 00:18:02,323
What markings?
This is a sweater.
408
00:18:07,163 --> 00:18:09,430
I can't even kill myself right.
409
00:18:09,432 --> 00:18:11,298
Chanel,
410
00:18:11,300 --> 00:18:12,967
Look at me.
411
00:18:14,770 --> 00:18:17,171
I understand that what you're
going through is really intense.
412
00:18:17,173 --> 00:18:21,108
And I know you and I haven't
really always seen eye to eye,
413
00:18:21,110 --> 00:18:23,410
And you say crazy-mean stuff
to me all the time,
414
00:18:23,412 --> 00:18:25,779
And I have a real problem
with your casual racism,
415
00:18:25,781 --> 00:18:27,982
Which is something
we need to work on,
416
00:18:27,984 --> 00:18:30,518
But, girl, I promise
I got your back.
417
00:18:30,520 --> 00:18:31,919
Really?
418
00:18:31,921 --> 00:18:33,354
Yes.
419
00:18:33,356 --> 00:18:35,022
And I know
you can't see it now,
420
00:18:35,024 --> 00:18:36,524
But things are gonna get better.
421
00:18:36,526 --> 00:18:38,826
You're young,
smart and beautiful,
422
00:18:38,828 --> 00:18:40,995
And you got a lot of
living ahead of you.
423
00:18:40,997 --> 00:18:43,464
So don't talk
about killing yourself, okay?
424
00:18:43,466 --> 00:18:45,599
That's not even something
you should joke about.
425
00:18:45,601 --> 00:18:47,835
Come here.
426
00:18:47,837 --> 00:18:49,203
Maybe this is
427
00:18:49,205 --> 00:18:51,272
One of those teachable moments,
you know?
428
00:18:51,274 --> 00:18:53,374
Like my grandmama says.
429
00:18:53,376 --> 00:18:56,610
Maybe this is where you learn
the lesson that...
430
00:18:56,612 --> 00:19:00,114
Words really mean something
and they can hurt people,
431
00:19:00,116 --> 00:19:02,283
So you just
can't always
432
00:19:02,285 --> 00:19:03,817
Say the first horrible thing
433
00:19:03,819 --> 00:19:05,452
That pops into your head
all the time.
434
00:19:05,454 --> 00:19:07,221
That's gonna be so hard.
435
00:19:07,223 --> 00:19:08,689
I know.
436
00:19:10,660 --> 00:19:12,459
Why are you being
so nice to me?
437
00:19:12,461 --> 00:19:15,229
Because we have
a real opportunity here.
438
00:19:15,231 --> 00:19:18,899
I mean, I think it's safe to say
that you and this house
439
00:19:18,901 --> 00:19:20,668
Have hit rock bottom.
440
00:19:20,670 --> 00:19:23,337
And when things can't seem
to get any worse,
441
00:19:23,339 --> 00:19:25,239
That's when they start
to get better.
442
00:19:25,241 --> 00:19:28,309
We're co-presidents,
remember?
443
00:19:28,311 --> 00:19:30,711
That means this is the moment
where you and I join forces
444
00:19:30,713 --> 00:19:32,913
To catch this killer
and rebuild kappa kappa tau
445
00:19:32,915 --> 00:19:35,583
Into being something
everybody can be proud of.
446
00:19:35,585 --> 00:19:37,218
And we're gonna do it together.
447
00:19:39,155 --> 00:19:40,521
Fine.
448
00:19:40,523 --> 00:19:41,855
I'm in.
449
00:19:41,857 --> 00:19:44,058
Whatever it takes.
450
00:19:46,028 --> 00:19:49,630
(chanel and zayday screaming)
451
00:19:52,668 --> 00:19:54,301
Well, that's just great.
452
00:19:55,838 --> 00:19:56,337
(gasps)
453
00:19:56,939 --> 00:19:58,872
(screams)
454
00:19:58,874 --> 00:20:00,274
What's wrong with him?
455
00:20:05,514 --> 00:20:06,947
(snake hissing, man screaming)
456
00:20:09,252 --> 00:20:11,785
(screaming)
457
00:20:11,787 --> 00:20:14,288
Please, please!
I... I didn't mean to do it!
458
00:20:14,290 --> 00:20:16,123
He's trying to say something!
Rip off his mask!
459
00:20:16,125 --> 00:20:17,191
(screaming)
460
00:20:17,193 --> 00:20:18,425
Please!
461
00:20:18,427 --> 00:20:20,060
She made me do it!
462
00:20:20,062 --> 00:20:21,228
Who?! Who made you do it?!
Get me out of this suit!
463
00:20:21,230 --> 00:20:22,429
Have you seen this guy before?
464
00:20:22,431 --> 00:20:23,597
No!
465
00:20:23,599 --> 00:20:24,765
(screaming)
466
00:20:24,767 --> 00:20:26,934
He smells like a pizza parlor.
467
00:20:26,936 --> 00:20:28,802
(shouts)
get me out of this suit!
468
00:20:28,804 --> 00:20:30,404
(muffled shouting)
469
00:20:30,406 --> 00:20:31,805
Bitches, gather round.
470
00:20:31,807 --> 00:20:33,807
What the hell
is going on?
Who is that guy?
471
00:20:33,809 --> 00:20:36,043
We have no idea. Neither of
us have seen him before.
472
00:20:36,045 --> 00:20:37,444
Yeah. It was so weird.
473
00:20:37,446 --> 00:20:38,812
As soon as zayday
and I joined forces,
474
00:20:38,814 --> 00:20:40,581
He just fell
into our lap.
475
00:20:40,583 --> 00:20:43,884
Guys, something really weird
happened, and I'm so unsettled.
476
00:20:43,886 --> 00:20:45,986
No one cares!
We just caught the killer!
477
00:20:45,988 --> 00:20:47,821
No, listen!
I was getting my fitbit steps in
478
00:20:47,823 --> 00:20:49,323
When this girl appeared out
of nowhere
479
00:20:49,325 --> 00:20:50,958
With a shawl covering her face.
480
00:20:50,960 --> 00:20:52,493
Oh, great news. The hag
of shady lane has a sister.
481
00:20:52,495 --> 00:20:53,894
No one cares.
482
00:20:53,896 --> 00:20:56,397
No, she had scars
all over her face.
483
00:20:56,399 --> 00:20:58,732
She probably had bad acne
and wanted beauty tips from us.
484
00:20:58,734 --> 00:21:01,268
It was terrifying.
She was carrying a shovel!
485
00:21:01,270 --> 00:21:03,337
There's nothing terrifying
about that.
486
00:21:03,339 --> 00:21:05,239
She kept saying something,
something "dork."
487
00:21:05,241 --> 00:21:06,807
Saying I'm-I'm a dork
488
00:21:06,809 --> 00:21:07,841
Or something "dork."
489
00:21:07,843 --> 00:21:09,410
Number six, hi.
490
00:21:09,412 --> 00:21:11,578
Everyone on campus but me
is a dork!
491
00:21:11,580 --> 00:21:13,714
You're always trying
to pull focus!
492
00:21:15,851 --> 00:21:17,484
(man groans)
493
00:21:17,486 --> 00:21:18,485
Any last words?
494
00:21:18,487 --> 00:21:21,455
(muffled grunting)
495
00:21:21,457 --> 00:21:23,457
(panting)
496
00:21:23,459 --> 00:21:24,692
I'm gonna explode.
497
00:21:24,694 --> 00:21:26,160
What?
498
00:21:26,162 --> 00:21:27,995
We should probably let him
use the bathroom.
499
00:21:27,997 --> 00:21:29,463
No! I'm gonna explode!
500
00:21:29,465 --> 00:21:30,597
(panting)
501
00:21:30,599 --> 00:21:32,199
I'm just a delivery guy!
502
00:21:32,201 --> 00:21:34,134
(doorbell rings)
503
00:21:34,136 --> 00:21:35,836
I delivered a pizza to this
address and someone answered
504
00:21:35,838 --> 00:21:38,605
The door in this costume!
Pizza!
505
00:21:38,607 --> 00:21:39,673
Wait, there's pizza?
506
00:21:39,675 --> 00:21:40,674
When I woke up,
507
00:21:40,676 --> 00:21:42,276
I was wrapped in dynamite!
508
00:21:45,614 --> 00:21:47,981
(all gasping)
509
00:21:47,983 --> 00:21:49,616
Oh, my god,
it's a bomb.
510
00:21:49,618 --> 00:21:52,653
(all screaming)
511
00:21:52,655 --> 00:21:54,355
She had a low voice,
like a machine.
512
00:21:54,357 --> 00:21:57,291
(beeping)
she said she... The only way
she wouldn't kill me is
513
00:21:57,293 --> 00:21:59,893
If I came in here and I killed
everyone. And if I didn't,
514
00:21:59,895 --> 00:22:01,295
She'd detonate the bomb!
515
00:22:01,297 --> 00:22:02,129
(beep)
516
00:22:02,131 --> 00:22:04,231
(all screaming)
517
00:22:07,203 --> 00:22:08,235
(beep)
518
00:22:08,237 --> 00:22:10,304
(distorted screaming)
519
00:22:16,879 --> 00:22:18,145
(beep)
520
00:22:26,522 --> 00:22:28,355
(beeping)
521
00:22:28,357 --> 00:22:30,157
(electronic giggling)
522
00:22:35,331 --> 00:22:37,664
(distorted screaming)
523
00:22:47,610 --> 00:22:50,744
(distorted screaming continues)
524
00:22:58,554 --> 00:23:01,522
(filtered breathing,
indistinct conversations)
525
00:23:01,524 --> 00:23:05,192
(equipment beeping)
526
00:23:05,194 --> 00:23:07,294
Chanel #5:
I just don't understand.
527
00:23:07,296 --> 00:23:08,896
Like, one minute he's here,
528
00:23:08,898 --> 00:23:10,864
And then the next minute
he just explodes!
529
00:23:10,866 --> 00:23:13,700
I know. I also was there.
530
00:23:13,702 --> 00:23:15,135
I mean, it's just so messed up.
531
00:23:15,137 --> 00:23:17,805
Like, what are we
supposed to do now?
532
00:23:17,807 --> 00:23:20,307
Yes, a totally innocent man
who seemed super nice
533
00:23:20,309 --> 00:23:22,109
And probably did
nothing wrong at all
534
00:23:22,111 --> 00:23:24,378
Just got blown up
in our living room.
535
00:23:24,380 --> 00:23:28,382
Bummer. Now, let's honor
his memory by moving on.
536
00:23:28,384 --> 00:23:29,450
(crying)
537
00:23:29,452 --> 00:23:31,752
What's wrong with her?
538
00:23:31,754 --> 00:23:34,588
Number five is bumming me out
by insisting that we relive
539
00:23:34,590 --> 00:23:38,725
The moment the pizza guy blew up
over and over and over!
540
00:23:38,727 --> 00:23:41,728
Can you not make it about
you for one second?!
541
00:23:41,730 --> 00:23:43,297
No, guys, I'm really
freaked out! I feel like
542
00:23:43,299 --> 00:23:44,665
I'm having a
panic attack!
543
00:23:44,667 --> 00:23:46,600
Get it together,
number five!
544
00:23:46,602 --> 00:23:48,469
Stop wallowing and
start concentrating
545
00:23:48,471 --> 00:23:50,571
On what's really
important here.
546
00:23:50,573 --> 00:23:52,573
Restoring my reputation.
547
00:23:53,509 --> 00:23:54,808
Is that what's really important?
548
00:23:54,810 --> 00:23:56,577
Listen...
549
00:23:56,579 --> 00:23:58,412
Ever since zayday saved my life
550
00:23:58,414 --> 00:24:00,147
From the fake asp
I ordered online,
551
00:24:00,149 --> 00:24:01,815
I'm a changed woman.
552
00:24:01,817 --> 00:24:04,017
Like, I get now
that other people have feelings,
553
00:24:04,019 --> 00:24:06,987
And that words, they're like
weapons or something.
554
00:24:07,990 --> 00:24:09,623
So, I figured out a plan
555
00:24:09,625 --> 00:24:12,159
To restore kappa house's
dignity, get back chad radwell,
556
00:24:12,161 --> 00:24:14,495
And put me back into the hearts
557
00:24:14,497 --> 00:24:16,430
Of the citizens
of this great nation.
558
00:24:16,432 --> 00:24:19,533
Wait, so... (sighs) the plan
isn't to catch the killer?
559
00:24:19,535 --> 00:24:21,301
No! We already know
who the killer is!
560
00:24:21,303 --> 00:24:23,303
It's boone!
If we don't want him to kill us,
561
00:24:23,305 --> 00:24:25,772
We just have to avoid places
where gay people go.
562
00:24:25,774 --> 00:24:28,442
So, like,
behind every bennigan's.
563
00:24:28,444 --> 00:24:29,810
I love bennigan's.
564
00:24:29,812 --> 00:24:31,144
(sputters)
so what's the plan?
565
00:24:31,146 --> 00:24:33,413
I need to go on an apology tour.
566
00:24:34,650 --> 00:24:35,949
You know, like celebrities,
567
00:24:35,951 --> 00:24:37,184
When they say
something offensive,
568
00:24:37,186 --> 00:24:38,619
They just go on tv
and apologize,
569
00:24:38,621 --> 00:24:40,020
And everybody forgives them,
570
00:24:40,022 --> 00:24:41,955
Even though
they don't mean it at all.
571
00:24:41,957 --> 00:24:43,490
The first person I'm gonna
572
00:24:43,492 --> 00:24:44,491
Apologize to...
573
00:24:44,493 --> 00:24:45,492
Me.
574
00:24:45,494 --> 00:24:47,160
...Melanie dorkus.
575
00:24:47,162 --> 00:24:49,062
What?
Yes. You heard
what number six said.
576
00:24:49,064 --> 00:24:51,064
Clearly melanie dorkus
is stalking the campus
577
00:24:51,066 --> 00:24:53,567
With a shovel in a veil,
all pissed off because her face
578
00:24:53,569 --> 00:24:56,203
Got burnt off, and I want
to let bygones be bygones.
579
00:24:56,205 --> 00:24:57,871
But I thought that you said
that you weren't the person
580
00:24:57,873 --> 00:24:59,339
Who put the acid
in the spray tanner.
581
00:24:59,341 --> 00:25:01,141
Well, I didn't,
but she thinks I did.
582
00:25:01,143 --> 00:25:03,577
So here's the plan:
We're gonna go to her house,
583
00:25:03,579 --> 00:25:05,913
I'm gonna fake apologize,
you'll record it,
584
00:25:05,915 --> 00:25:07,915
We'll post it online,
and it'll all be fine.
585
00:25:07,917 --> 00:25:09,216
Wait, we're gonna what?
586
00:25:09,218 --> 00:25:10,450
Let's go.
587
00:25:13,923 --> 00:25:16,356
(crying): Like, after roger
and dodger, like,
588
00:25:16,358 --> 00:25:18,692
I've suffered so much
loss in my life.
Oh, jesus. Let's go.
589
00:25:18,694 --> 00:25:21,929
Why do you think
the devil let me live?
590
00:25:21,931 --> 00:25:24,031
Wes:
I don't know.
591
00:25:24,033 --> 00:25:26,400
But I still think we
should call the police.
592
00:25:26,402 --> 00:25:28,835
What will that do?
I mean, all denise is gonna do
593
00:25:28,837 --> 00:25:30,037
Is arrest zayday again.
594
00:25:30,039 --> 00:25:32,372
(sighs)
595
00:25:32,374 --> 00:25:34,441
Um... (clears throat)
596
00:25:36,845 --> 00:25:39,513
You guys didn't, um...
597
00:25:39,515 --> 00:25:40,614
What?
598
00:25:41,584 --> 00:25:43,283
(whistles)
599
00:25:43,285 --> 00:25:45,352
No. Dad. No.
600
00:25:45,354 --> 00:25:47,788
Didn't.
Okay, I had to ask.
601
00:25:47,790 --> 00:25:50,223
I was going to, though,
602
00:25:50,225 --> 00:25:53,126
And it felt
right and...
That's nice. Mm-hmm.
603
00:25:53,128 --> 00:25:56,463
Oh, my god. I mean,
can you imagine if I had?
604
00:25:56,465 --> 00:25:58,398
I mean, what is so wrong
with me, dad,
605
00:25:58,400 --> 00:25:59,933
That I totally misread him?
606
00:26:01,904 --> 00:26:05,138
I think you saw
what you wanted to see.
607
00:26:05,140 --> 00:26:07,574
And from the sounds of it,
608
00:26:07,576 --> 00:26:09,576
You know,
at least he was coming
609
00:26:09,578 --> 00:26:12,379
From a-a loving
and-and positive place.
610
00:26:12,381 --> 00:26:15,782
You can't kill people from
a loving and positive place.
611
00:26:15,784 --> 00:26:18,452
Well, obviously, but...
612
00:26:18,454 --> 00:26:20,921
I just didn't want
this experience to stop you
613
00:26:20,923 --> 00:26:22,456
From trusting your instincts.
614
00:26:22,458 --> 00:26:25,626
Pete was a good guy.
615
00:26:25,628 --> 00:26:27,995
Solid, hardworking, handsome.
616
00:26:27,997 --> 00:26:30,631
And, yes, I'm glad
he wasn't your first.
617
00:26:30,633 --> 00:26:33,834
But aside from the
in-cahoots-with-killers thing,
618
00:26:33,836 --> 00:26:35,769
I think you made a good choice
619
00:26:35,771 --> 00:26:37,170
When you considered him.
620
00:26:37,172 --> 00:26:39,306
Invasion of the
dad bod snatchers.
621
00:26:39,308 --> 00:26:40,741
Who are you?
622
00:26:40,743 --> 00:26:42,175
(chuckles)
623
00:26:42,177 --> 00:26:45,012
That's a good question.
624
00:26:45,014 --> 00:26:47,014
I'm a guy
625
00:26:47,016 --> 00:26:50,584
Who's learning to loosen the
leash and trust his daughter.
626
00:26:50,586 --> 00:26:52,786
And if all of this
627
00:26:52,788 --> 00:26:54,755
Has taught me anything,
628
00:26:54,757 --> 00:26:57,991
It's that I can't protect you
from the world.
629
00:26:59,628 --> 00:27:01,294
And that you're pretty bad-ass
630
00:27:01,296 --> 00:27:03,130
When it comes
to taking care of yourself.
631
00:27:03,132 --> 00:27:05,465
Well...
632
00:27:05,467 --> 00:27:08,001
What I've learned
is that I still need my dad.
633
00:27:08,003 --> 00:27:11,104
Especially if I want
to catch the killer.
634
00:27:11,106 --> 00:27:12,439
Boone and
pete are dead,
635
00:27:12,441 --> 00:27:14,341
So there's
only one left.
636
00:27:14,343 --> 00:27:16,443
The girl in
the bathtub.
637
00:27:16,445 --> 00:27:18,111
Pete said it's
one of my sisters,
638
00:27:18,113 --> 00:27:20,147
Which means we narrowed
it down to five.
Mm-hmm.
639
00:27:20,149 --> 00:27:21,815
And, well, there's only
one way to figure out
640
00:27:21,817 --> 00:27:22,983
Which one of
them it is.
641
00:27:22,985 --> 00:27:24,051
Lie detectors.
642
00:27:24,053 --> 00:27:26,153
No, dad...
Waterboarding.
643
00:27:26,155 --> 00:27:27,854
That's illegal.
If it's good enough
644
00:27:27,856 --> 00:27:29,056
For the cia,
it's good enough for me.
645
00:27:29,058 --> 00:27:30,624
(laughing):
Dad...
646
00:27:30,626 --> 00:27:32,459
Okay, I have a better idea.
647
00:27:32,461 --> 00:27:35,495
Why don't we lock ourselves
in here, and then we just wait
648
00:27:35,497 --> 00:27:37,497
For the killer
to kill the other four...
649
00:27:37,499 --> 00:27:38,932
Okay, dad...
650
00:27:40,636 --> 00:27:43,537
I need to get as
much information
651
00:27:43,539 --> 00:27:45,505
On all of them
as possible.
652
00:27:45,507 --> 00:27:48,709
Okay. Um, how do we do that?
653
00:27:48,711 --> 00:27:51,011
Dad...
654
00:27:51,013 --> 00:27:55,215
Get ready to make the most
important playlist of your life.
655
00:27:57,386 --> 00:28:00,220
We're gonna need you
to take one for the team.
656
00:28:07,863 --> 00:28:09,930
(doors creaking)
657
00:28:13,736 --> 00:28:15,802
♪ ♪
658
00:28:37,893 --> 00:28:39,626
("crazy on you" by heart
playing)
659
00:28:39,628 --> 00:28:40,794
Hey, teach.
660
00:28:40,796 --> 00:28:42,295
♪ ♪
661
00:28:42,297 --> 00:28:43,296
(scoffs)
662
00:28:43,298 --> 00:28:44,898
What's going on?
663
00:28:44,900 --> 00:28:47,768
Well, I decided to stop denying
what you and I both knew
664
00:28:47,770 --> 00:28:49,770
The minute we laid eyes
on each other.
665
00:28:49,772 --> 00:28:51,738
♪ we may still have time... ♪
666
00:28:51,740 --> 00:28:54,741
And once I did, something inside
of me, I don't know, it just...
667
00:28:54,743 --> 00:28:56,543
Just clicked.
668
00:28:56,545 --> 00:28:58,812
And I guess I just wanted
to get a little crazy.
669
00:28:58,814 --> 00:29:01,281
(scoffs)
so you just decided
670
00:29:01,283 --> 00:29:03,283
To break into my house
in the middle of the day?
671
00:29:03,285 --> 00:29:04,885
I know.
672
00:29:04,887 --> 00:29:07,988
I've been a very bad boy.
673
00:29:07,990 --> 00:29:09,723
Maybe I should get sent
to the dean.
674
00:29:09,725 --> 00:29:11,792
Well...
675
00:29:13,896 --> 00:29:16,263
I'm sure...
676
00:29:16,265 --> 00:29:18,832
That that...
677
00:29:18,834 --> 00:29:21,334
Can be arranged.
678
00:29:21,336 --> 00:29:22,969
♪ crazy on you... ♪
679
00:29:22,971 --> 00:29:24,571
(yells)
okay.
680
00:29:24,573 --> 00:29:27,240
I'm just trying to figure out
what your angle is.
681
00:29:27,242 --> 00:29:29,576
What are you trying
to get out of this?
682
00:29:29,578 --> 00:29:30,977
Oh, I'm just
trying to get...
683
00:29:30,979 --> 00:29:32,679
You know what
I'm trying to get?
684
00:29:32,681 --> 00:29:36,650
45 minutes alone, so
I can go crazy on you.
685
00:29:38,754 --> 00:29:40,987
("listen to your heart"
by roxette playing)
686
00:29:40,989 --> 00:29:42,789
Yeah, you feel that?
687
00:29:42,791 --> 00:29:45,292
♪ listen to you heart... ♪
688
00:29:45,294 --> 00:29:46,593
Ow!
689
00:29:46,595 --> 00:29:48,161
♪ when he's calling for you ♪
690
00:29:48,163 --> 00:29:49,763
(munsch moaning)
♪ listen to your heart ♪
691
00:29:49,765 --> 00:29:52,599
Yes.
♪ there's nothing else ♪
692
00:29:52,601 --> 00:29:55,168
♪ you can do ♪
oh! (panting)
693
00:29:55,170 --> 00:29:57,971
♪ I don't know
where you're going... ♪
munsch: Turn out the lights!
694
00:29:57,973 --> 00:29:59,706
Wes: I'm not turning
these lights off.
695
00:29:59,708 --> 00:30:02,709
Mmm!
I don't want to
miss a thing.
696
00:30:02,711 --> 00:30:04,544
♪ before... ♪
(grunts)
697
00:30:06,048 --> 00:30:08,014
Man:
I'm sorry, who are you?
698
00:30:08,016 --> 00:30:09,683
Chanel:
I'm chanel oberlin.
699
00:30:09,685 --> 00:30:10,851
These are my minions.
700
00:30:10,853 --> 00:30:12,219
We're here
to see melanie dorkus.
701
00:30:12,221 --> 00:30:14,955
But ms. Dorkus does not
allow visitors.
702
00:30:14,957 --> 00:30:16,523
Due to the nature
703
00:30:16,525 --> 00:30:19,059
Of her deformities,
she has remained in solitude
704
00:30:19,061 --> 00:30:20,861
Since her release
from the hospital.
705
00:30:20,863 --> 00:30:23,029
I'm sorry,
but there must be some mistake.
706
00:30:23,031 --> 00:30:24,664
I spoke with melanie
this morning,
707
00:30:24,666 --> 00:30:26,833
And she sounded
very excited to see us.
708
00:30:26,835 --> 00:30:28,368
What's that smell?
709
00:30:28,370 --> 00:30:29,736
Man:
Those are the hounds.
710
00:30:29,738 --> 00:30:32,806
(dogs barking, growling)
apart from myself,
711
00:30:32,808 --> 00:30:35,742
Ms. Dorkus' only companions
are the large, angry mastiffs
712
00:30:35,744 --> 00:30:37,244
That patrol the corridors.
713
00:30:37,246 --> 00:30:39,980
(growling)
714
00:30:39,982 --> 00:30:43,049
If you'll wait in here, I'll let
ms. Dorkus know you're here.
715
00:30:43,051 --> 00:30:44,918
(dog barking in distance)
716
00:30:46,321 --> 00:30:48,488
(gasps, groans, gasps)
717
00:30:48,490 --> 00:30:49,689
God.
Ew.
718
00:30:49,691 --> 00:30:51,858
(barking continues
in distance)
719
00:30:51,860 --> 00:30:53,393
Where is number six?
720
00:30:53,395 --> 00:30:55,262
She said that
she'd meet us here.
721
00:30:55,264 --> 00:30:57,264
That's weird.
She said she was coming.
722
00:31:07,609 --> 00:31:09,676
♪ ♪
723
00:31:22,758 --> 00:31:24,824
(inhales sharply)
724
00:31:40,075 --> 00:31:42,008
(sniffs)
725
00:31:43,912 --> 00:31:46,212
What exactly are
we looking for?
726
00:31:46,214 --> 00:31:47,714
We need to see
files on all the chanels.
727
00:31:47,716 --> 00:31:48,882
See if there's
anything in there
728
00:31:48,884 --> 00:31:50,650
That eliminates them
as suspects.
729
00:31:50,652 --> 00:31:52,585
How do you know
I'm not the killer?
730
00:31:52,587 --> 00:31:53,987
I just know.
731
00:31:53,989 --> 00:31:56,923
How do you know I'm not?
732
00:31:56,925 --> 00:31:58,925
Just know, too.
733
00:31:58,927 --> 00:32:01,728
Okay, first, we need to check
all of their transcripts,
734
00:32:01,730 --> 00:32:04,331
See if any of them have
taken any suspicious courses.
735
00:32:04,333 --> 00:32:05,899
Okay, like this, see?
736
00:32:05,901 --> 00:32:07,300
She took an
engineering course
737
00:32:07,302 --> 00:32:09,069
And a course on
domestic terrorism,
738
00:32:09,071 --> 00:32:11,571
So she may have learned how
to make the mr. Pizza guy bomb.
739
00:32:11,573 --> 00:32:13,006
(banging and thudding;
wes and munsch moaning loudly)
740
00:32:14,476 --> 00:32:16,176
(munsch screaming,
wes moaning)
741
00:32:16,178 --> 00:32:18,244
Okay, we just need to pretend
like we can't hear anything.
742
00:32:18,246 --> 00:32:20,347
Look, it said she
failed gross anatomy
743
00:32:20,349 --> 00:32:21,915
Because she couldn't
dissect a pig.
744
00:32:21,917 --> 00:32:23,650
No way she could
chainsaw a guy's
745
00:32:23,652 --> 00:32:25,618
Arms off if she can't
cut open a dead pig.
746
00:32:25,620 --> 00:32:28,154
(chain saw buzzing)
747
00:32:28,156 --> 00:32:30,357
Wait. She also
took a class in sewing.
748
00:32:30,359 --> 00:32:33,193
Zayday: There's a college
course on sewing?
749
00:32:33,195 --> 00:32:34,427
Do you remember
in the red devil's lair,
750
00:32:34,429 --> 00:32:35,595
There was all that stuff
751
00:32:35,597 --> 00:32:37,664
To make the costumes?
752
00:32:37,666 --> 00:32:38,832
Oh, my god.
753
00:32:38,834 --> 00:32:40,967
And another on
human anatomy,
754
00:32:40,969 --> 00:32:42,769
Which she would need
to cut gigi's head off.
755
00:32:42,771 --> 00:32:44,938
(women screaming)
756
00:32:44,940 --> 00:32:46,706
Take a look at the
rest of the file.
757
00:32:46,708 --> 00:32:48,875
See if there's anything
about the family.
758
00:32:48,877 --> 00:32:50,977
You mean like the fact
that her social security number
759
00:32:50,979 --> 00:32:54,114
Is 123-45-6789?
760
00:32:54,116 --> 00:32:56,850
And her home address
is sesame street?
761
00:32:56,852 --> 00:32:58,318
Look at her high
school transcript.
762
00:32:58,320 --> 00:33:00,220
It said she graduated
from sweet valley high?
763
00:33:00,222 --> 00:33:01,955
This whole file is made up.
764
00:33:03,959 --> 00:33:06,659
So that's her.
765
00:33:06,661 --> 00:33:09,629
She's the baby in the bathtub.
766
00:33:09,631 --> 00:33:11,798
The last red devil killer.
767
00:33:14,202 --> 00:33:17,237
Where are the chanels right now?
768
00:33:19,508 --> 00:33:20,974
(phone chimes)
769
00:33:20,976 --> 00:33:22,575
(gasps)
770
00:33:22,577 --> 00:33:24,177
I have to go right now.
771
00:33:24,179 --> 00:33:25,645
What?
772
00:33:25,647 --> 00:33:28,314
Somebody just swiped
right on me on tinder.
773
00:33:28,316 --> 00:33:31,217
Chanel, this has
never happened.
774
00:33:31,219 --> 00:33:33,486
Ms. Dorkus
will see you now.
775
00:33:33,488 --> 00:33:35,822
I called the company because
I thought the app was broken.
776
00:33:35,824 --> 00:33:37,390
I have to go meet this guy.
777
00:33:37,392 --> 00:33:38,224
You should go.
778
00:33:38,226 --> 00:33:40,493
Hmm. Chanel.
779
00:33:40,495 --> 00:33:44,064
Any guy swiping right on you
is a miracle.
780
00:33:44,066 --> 00:33:46,332
So, go. Go meet
this blind man.
781
00:33:46,334 --> 00:33:48,568
And when I'm done
apologizing to melanie,
782
00:33:48,570 --> 00:33:50,870
I'm gonna call
pope francis because...
783
00:33:50,872 --> 00:33:54,674
We now have proof of god's
existence in this universe.
784
00:33:54,676 --> 00:33:55,742
(grunts)
785
00:34:09,724 --> 00:34:13,226
♪ how am I supposed to live
without you... ♪
786
00:34:13,228 --> 00:34:15,295
You want a drag?
787
00:34:15,297 --> 00:34:16,729
No, I'm good.
788
00:34:16,731 --> 00:34:18,798
♪ and how am I supposed
to carry on... ♪
789
00:34:18,800 --> 00:34:23,036
Um, so I don't... I don't
exactly know how to say this.
790
00:34:23,038 --> 00:34:25,305
Mm. Let me say
it for you.
791
00:34:25,307 --> 00:34:29,142
"dean munsch, I really respect
you, but I only did this
792
00:34:29,144 --> 00:34:31,411
"to find out some piece of
information about the murders,
793
00:34:31,413 --> 00:34:33,613
And now I don't think we
should take it any further."
794
00:34:33,615 --> 00:34:36,749
That's not what I was gonna say.
795
00:34:36,751 --> 00:34:38,651
(laughs)
796
00:34:38,653 --> 00:34:40,653
Cathy...
797
00:34:40,655 --> 00:34:42,755
That was the best sex
of my life.
798
00:34:42,757 --> 00:34:44,624
I'm not joking.
799
00:34:46,328 --> 00:34:47,760
(chuckles):
Well...
800
00:34:47,762 --> 00:34:49,596
Uh... (clears throat)
801
00:34:49,598 --> 00:34:52,665
Seeing as you remained
celibate for the full 18 years,
802
00:34:52,667 --> 00:34:54,300
And then decided
to re-pop your cherry
803
00:34:54,302 --> 00:34:56,002
With the most mentally ill woman
804
00:34:56,004 --> 00:34:59,472
On campus, I'm gonna take
that with a grain of salt.
805
00:34:59,474 --> 00:35:02,308
I think you're just relieved
to find out
806
00:35:02,310 --> 00:35:04,177
That intercourse doesn't
have to be followed
807
00:35:04,179 --> 00:35:06,112
By hours and hours of crying
808
00:35:06,114 --> 00:35:08,481
And a weird purchase
of an engagement ring.
809
00:35:08,483 --> 00:35:09,983
Listen to me.
Listen to me. Hold on.
810
00:35:09,985 --> 00:35:13,419
Cathy, I'm serious.
811
00:35:13,421 --> 00:35:15,855
Look, I never knew
sex could be like that.
812
00:35:15,857 --> 00:35:17,824
At first, I was like...
I was like,
813
00:35:17,826 --> 00:35:19,592
"wow, she's being
really loud.
814
00:35:19,594 --> 00:35:21,461
Are the neighbors gonna
call the police?"
815
00:35:21,463 --> 00:35:24,998
And then I was like,
"wow, now I'm being really loud.
816
00:35:25,000 --> 00:35:26,933
"why am I screaming so much?
817
00:35:26,935 --> 00:35:28,835
They're definitely
gonna call the police."
818
00:35:28,837 --> 00:35:32,205
And then I was just... Stunned
at how flexible you are.
819
00:35:32,207 --> 00:35:34,274
I mean, I thought
you had to be a gymnast
820
00:35:34,276 --> 00:35:36,276
To get both feet
behind your head.
821
00:35:36,278 --> 00:35:37,644
Do you intend to
come to a point?
822
00:35:37,646 --> 00:35:40,313
Yeah. Sorry. Look, um...
823
00:35:40,315 --> 00:35:43,283
When we first met,
you came on really strong,
824
00:35:43,285 --> 00:35:46,019
And I-I was a little turned off,
I have to admit.
825
00:35:46,021 --> 00:35:48,454
But then I was like,
"damn, girl.
826
00:35:48,456 --> 00:35:50,056
"I mean, this-this...
This chick...
827
00:35:50,058 --> 00:35:53,526
This chick must really
be onto something."
828
00:35:53,528 --> 00:35:55,328
I mean, if that's the way
829
00:35:55,330 --> 00:35:57,063
That our bodies talk
to one another...
830
00:35:57,065 --> 00:35:58,698
That is a gross
way to put it.
831
00:35:58,700 --> 00:36:01,501
I just think that maybe
you and I were meant
832
00:36:01,503 --> 00:36:03,136
To be together after all.
833
00:36:03,138 --> 00:36:05,004
(chuckles)
834
00:36:05,006 --> 00:36:06,472
I'm serious.
835
00:36:06,474 --> 00:36:08,508
I'm serious, cathy.
Listen to me.
836
00:36:08,510 --> 00:36:09,676
I like you.
837
00:36:09,678 --> 00:36:13,379
Like... Like like you.
838
00:36:13,381 --> 00:36:15,648
And, you know, if you are, uh...
839
00:36:15,650 --> 00:36:18,351
If you're down, girl,
840
00:36:18,353 --> 00:36:21,254
To see if this relationship
has legs...
841
00:36:21,256 --> 00:36:23,389
'cause I know...
842
00:36:23,391 --> 00:36:25,558
I know you got legs,
all right, you know.
843
00:36:25,560 --> 00:36:28,027
I mean, if you're down,
I'm... I'm all for it.
844
00:36:28,029 --> 00:36:29,662
I'm-I'm down.
845
00:36:31,666 --> 00:36:38,771
♪ now that I've been
loving you so long ♪
846
00:36:38,773 --> 00:36:43,509
♪ how am I supposed to live
without you... ♪
847
00:36:43,511 --> 00:36:46,412
(wes moans)
848
00:36:46,414 --> 00:36:48,181
There's just
one thing.
Oh, shoot.
849
00:36:48,183 --> 00:36:50,116
Your daughter.
Uh-huh.
850
00:36:50,118 --> 00:36:52,518
She's gonna have to go.
851
00:36:52,520 --> 00:36:54,721
What?
I'm just being honest.
852
00:36:54,723 --> 00:36:56,689
I find her
unbearably annoying,
853
00:36:56,691 --> 00:36:58,758
And the minute she
gets wind of this,
854
00:36:58,760 --> 00:37:00,893
She is gonna be
whispering in your ear
855
00:37:00,895 --> 00:37:03,429
How I am no
good for you.
856
00:37:03,431 --> 00:37:07,133
So if you want
this to happen,
857
00:37:07,135 --> 00:37:09,235
We're just gonna
have to find a way
858
00:37:09,237 --> 00:37:12,438
To give ourselves
a little space,
859
00:37:12,440 --> 00:37:14,941
Figure out a way
to make gracie
860
00:37:14,943 --> 00:37:18,244
Go bye-bye for
a little while.
861
00:37:21,449 --> 00:37:22,949
Now...
862
00:37:24,886 --> 00:37:27,553
I am gonna go freshen up
863
00:37:27,555 --> 00:37:31,224
And then come back
for round deux.
864
00:37:44,339 --> 00:37:46,339
(tvs playing quietly)
865
00:37:46,341 --> 00:37:48,441
Get your phone
out, number three.
866
00:37:48,443 --> 00:37:51,244
You're recording this.
867
00:37:51,246 --> 00:37:52,812
Melanie?
868
00:37:52,814 --> 00:37:54,947
Hi!
869
00:37:54,949 --> 00:37:57,283
It's chanel oberlin.
870
00:37:57,285 --> 00:37:58,851
Melanie:
I know.
871
00:37:58,853 --> 00:38:00,987
I recognized the
island splash scent
872
00:38:00,989 --> 00:38:03,189
Of that douche you use.
873
00:38:08,496 --> 00:38:09,762
(gasps)
874
00:38:09,764 --> 00:38:11,531
Oh, my god,
she looks like
875
00:38:11,533 --> 00:38:12,865
Jason voorhees.
876
00:38:12,867 --> 00:38:15,134
No. Jason was deformed
since, like, birth.
877
00:38:15,136 --> 00:38:16,969
She looks like
freddy krueger.
878
00:38:16,971 --> 00:38:19,172
No. Jason voorhees.
He's all disfigured
879
00:38:19,174 --> 00:38:20,873
From that toxic waste that
got splashed in his face.
880
00:38:20,875 --> 00:38:22,308
What movie are you even
referring to?
881
00:38:22,310 --> 00:38:23,976
Jason goes to hell.
882
00:38:23,978 --> 00:38:25,778
That's the only Friday the 13th
movie you've seen?
883
00:38:25,780 --> 00:38:27,213
I'm right here.
884
00:38:27,215 --> 00:38:28,848
Hi.
885
00:38:28,850 --> 00:38:30,516
I am so sorry.
886
00:38:30,518 --> 00:38:32,318
Melanie, you remember
chanel #3,
887
00:38:32,320 --> 00:38:35,154
And how she's a total div.
888
00:38:35,156 --> 00:38:37,223
I'm sorry I haven't
come by sooner.
889
00:38:37,225 --> 00:38:39,192
I didn't realize
you were in town.
890
00:38:40,462 --> 00:38:43,963
I heard you were
living in alaska,
891
00:38:43,965 --> 00:38:45,665
Where it's night
for half the year.
892
00:38:45,667 --> 00:38:48,801
I was, but my parents say
living alone
893
00:38:48,803 --> 00:38:51,170
In an arctic compound
wasn't healthy,
894
00:38:51,172 --> 00:38:55,341
So, six weeks ago,
they moved me here.
895
00:38:55,343 --> 00:38:57,143
This is the estate
896
00:38:57,145 --> 00:38:59,979
That three generations
of my family went insane in.
897
00:38:59,981 --> 00:39:02,849
Well, you look great.
898
00:39:02,851 --> 00:39:05,718
Don't patronize me.
I look like a monster.
899
00:39:05,720 --> 00:39:06,919
Toxic avenger.
900
00:39:06,921 --> 00:39:09,922
That's who I was
thinking of.
901
00:39:09,924 --> 00:39:13,025
Well, have you thought
of a little... Plastic surgery?
902
00:39:13,027 --> 00:39:15,661
I've had nine surgeries already,
you evil bitch!
903
00:39:15,663 --> 00:39:17,163
You did this to me!
904
00:39:17,165 --> 00:39:18,931
Now, melanie,
wait a minute.
905
00:39:18,933 --> 00:39:20,566
(whispers):
Start recording.
906
00:39:20,568 --> 00:39:21,567
(phone beeps)
907
00:39:21,569 --> 00:39:23,603
Melanie...
908
00:39:23,605 --> 00:39:25,171
(sighs)
909
00:39:25,173 --> 00:39:26,706
There's something
I want to say to you.
910
00:39:26,708 --> 00:39:30,410
And I think
it's gonna be hard
911
00:39:30,412 --> 00:39:32,745
For both of us.
912
00:39:32,747 --> 00:39:34,747
Ms. Dorkus has visitors!
913
00:39:34,749 --> 00:39:36,382
You can't go in there!
914
00:39:36,384 --> 00:39:39,352
Melanie, I just want
to say... (sighs)
915
00:39:39,354 --> 00:39:41,521
...That I hope
you rot in hell, bitch!
916
00:39:41,523 --> 00:39:43,356
(melanie gasps, chanel yells)
917
00:39:43,358 --> 00:39:45,258
What are you doing? I thought
you came here to apologize.
918
00:39:45,260 --> 00:39:47,059
Never! I apologize for nothing.
919
00:39:47,061 --> 00:39:49,796
Melanie dorkus is the killer!
(melanie screams)
920
00:39:49,798 --> 00:39:51,297
What?!
Oh, don't look
so surprised, mask.
921
00:39:51,299 --> 00:39:54,467
All evidence points to you.
922
00:39:54,469 --> 00:39:56,235
You heard what
number six said.
923
00:39:56,237 --> 00:39:58,604
She saw someone walking
around campus, in a veil,
924
00:39:58,606 --> 00:40:00,106
Muttering,
"dork, dork, dork!"
925
00:40:00,108 --> 00:40:01,741
Dork as in dorkus!
(screams)
926
00:40:01,743 --> 00:40:04,277
So she suddenly can't remember
her own last name?
927
00:40:04,279 --> 00:40:07,947
I called my travel agent,
who called alaska charters llc,
928
00:40:07,949 --> 00:40:11,083
Who confirmed that you,
melanie dorkus,
929
00:40:11,085 --> 00:40:12,819
Took a seaplane back to campus
930
00:40:12,821 --> 00:40:14,554
One week before
the killings started.
931
00:40:14,556 --> 00:40:15,588
So?
932
00:40:15,590 --> 00:40:16,956
So, you're obviously the killer!
933
00:40:16,958 --> 00:40:19,292
You came back from your
weird arctic compound
934
00:40:19,294 --> 00:40:21,828
To get revenge on kappa house
because you're hideous
935
00:40:21,830 --> 00:40:24,130
And think that I put
acid in your spray tanner
936
00:40:24,132 --> 00:40:25,465
When I didn't!
(grunts)
937
00:40:25,467 --> 00:40:27,433
I don't know
what you're talking about!
938
00:40:27,435 --> 00:40:29,469
I didn't kill anybody!
Can it, dorkus.
939
00:40:29,471 --> 00:40:31,103
I know it was you.
940
00:40:31,105 --> 00:40:33,072
Have fun in hell, bitch.
941
00:40:33,074 --> 00:40:36,108
And fyi, this is probably
gonna hurt a lot.
(gasps)
942
00:40:36,110 --> 00:40:38,778
Wait! Chanel! Stop! Stop, stop,
stop! She's not the killer.
943
00:40:38,780 --> 00:40:40,480
What are you talking
about? Of course she is!
944
00:40:40,482 --> 00:40:43,349
No, she's not. I swear.
We have proof.
945
00:40:43,351 --> 00:40:44,784
It's hester.
946
00:40:44,786 --> 00:40:47,854
Hester is
the red devil.
947
00:40:50,592 --> 00:40:52,124
(chuckles)
948
00:40:52,126 --> 00:40:53,526
So sorry.
949
00:40:53,528 --> 00:40:56,295
(whispers):
Stop recording!
950
00:40:56,297 --> 00:40:59,165
I knew that bitch was a nut
burger the minute I met her.
951
00:40:59,167 --> 00:41:01,501
It's like, who wears
a neck brace like that in 2015?
952
00:41:01,503 --> 00:41:03,269
You know, who are you?
Forrest gump?
953
00:41:03,271 --> 00:41:05,004
That's why
you gave her a makeover
954
00:41:05,006 --> 00:41:06,672
And made her one
of your minions?
955
00:41:06,674 --> 00:41:08,941
Chanel: Have you not noticed
the chanels operate in a world
956
00:41:08,943 --> 00:41:10,610
That is outside
the laws of man?
957
00:41:10,612 --> 00:41:12,345
She has to show back
up here eventually.
958
00:41:12,347 --> 00:41:13,779
We need to
devise a trap.
959
00:41:13,781 --> 00:41:15,214
But remember, she's
armed and dangerous.
960
00:41:15,216 --> 00:41:16,215
(woman screams in distance)
961
00:41:16,217 --> 00:41:17,517
(chanel #3 screams)
962
00:41:36,070 --> 00:41:37,870
(gasping)
963
00:41:37,872 --> 00:41:40,373
Did you hear that? I think
it came from chanel's closet.
964
00:41:40,375 --> 00:41:42,375
Number five,
what are you doing here?!
965
00:41:42,377 --> 00:41:44,911
Oh, please tell me
you did not bring your insane
966
00:41:44,913 --> 00:41:46,746
And obviously blind
tinder hookup back here.
967
00:41:46,748 --> 00:41:48,247
I mean, the last thing
I need to see right now
968
00:41:48,249 --> 00:41:49,649
Is a guy running
out of your room
969
00:41:49,651 --> 00:41:50,983
With his index finger
bitten off.
970
00:41:50,985 --> 00:41:52,485
You know,
'cause your vagina has teeth.
971
00:41:52,487 --> 00:41:54,754
No. It was a fake,
and I should have known,
972
00:41:54,756 --> 00:41:56,389
Because his tinder
profile picture
973
00:41:56,391 --> 00:41:58,157
Is the guy from nickelback
cut out of a magazine.
974
00:41:58,159 --> 00:41:59,759
You're saying
you would have been okay
975
00:41:59,761 --> 00:42:01,861
If it was the guy
from nickelback?
976
00:42:01,863 --> 00:42:03,930
He's, like, 60.
And canadian.
977
00:42:03,932 --> 00:42:05,865
I lost my virginity
to a nickelback song.
978
00:42:05,867 --> 00:42:07,900
Grace: Okay, can we please
stop talking
979
00:42:07,902 --> 00:42:10,202
About chanel #5's dating life
and see who's screaming?
980
00:42:10,204 --> 00:42:11,337
Come on.
981
00:42:17,712 --> 00:42:19,912
(whimpering)
982
00:42:27,221 --> 00:42:29,288
(women gasping)
983
00:42:31,225 --> 00:42:34,060
Grace: Oh, my god.
984
00:42:34,062 --> 00:42:36,095
Chanel #3:
Is she dead?
985
00:42:36,097 --> 00:42:37,530
This is so horrible!
986
00:42:37,532 --> 00:42:39,565
I know. That was such
a fabulous pair of shoes.
987
00:42:39,567 --> 00:42:41,300
I can't feel a pulse.
988
00:42:41,302 --> 00:42:42,368
Grace: This doesn't
make any sense.
989
00:42:42,370 --> 00:42:44,103
Hester is the killer.
990
00:42:44,105 --> 00:42:46,439
Pete's dead, boone's dead.
Who could have done this to her?
991
00:42:46,441 --> 00:42:48,741
(hester gasps sharply,
women gasp)
992
00:42:48,743 --> 00:42:50,710
(panting)
993
00:42:51,646 --> 00:42:53,813
(gasping)
994
00:42:53,815 --> 00:42:57,216
Red... Devil!
995
00:42:57,218 --> 00:42:59,452
(whimpering)
996
00:43:02,323 --> 00:43:03,556
(gasps)
997
00:43:08,997 --> 00:43:10,329
(gasps)
998
00:43:47,301 --> 00:43:49,368
Captioned by
media access group at wgbh