1
00:00:01,670 --> 00:00:03,270
[ Rain falling,
wind blowing ]

2
00:00:05,300 --> 00:00:07,530
[ Thunder crashing ]

3
00:00:12,300 --> 00:00:13,900
[ Horse neighing ]

4
00:00:59,830 --> 00:01:00,870
[ Horse neighing ]

5
00:01:08,670 --> 00:01:10,700
[ Panting ]

6
00:01:32,930 --> 00:01:35,130
Aagh!

7
00:02:33,670 --> 00:02:35,670
[ Birds chirping ]

8
00:03:01,430 --> 00:03:04,530
Nah.
It´s not happening.

9
00:03:06,230 --> 00:03:09,100
Want to try further up there?

10
00:03:09,100 --> 00:03:10,070
Go on, then.

11
00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:13,800
[ "Detectorists" plays ]

12
00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:25,230
♫ Will you search through
the lonely earth for me ♫

13
00:03:25,230 --> 00:03:29,930
♫ Climb through
the briar and bramble? ♫

14
00:03:29,930 --> 00:03:35,200
♫ I´ll be your treasure ♫

15
00:03:40,130 --> 00:03:44,730
♫ I felt the touch of the kings
and the breath of the wind ♫

16
00:03:44,730 --> 00:03:47,330
♫ I knew the call
of all the songbirds ♫

17
00:03:47,330 --> 00:03:53,030
♫ They sang
all the wrong words ♫

18
00:03:53,030 --> 00:03:57,430
♫ I´m waiting for you ♫

19
00:03:57,470 --> 00:04:01,000
♫ I´m waiting for you ♫

20
00:04:03,530 --> 00:04:08,000
♫ Mm-mm-mm mmmmm-mm ♫

21
00:04:08,030 --> 00:04:12,300
♫ Mm-mm-mm mm-mmmmm ♫

22
00:04:12,300 --> 00:04:16,930
♫ Mm-mm-mm mm-mm-mmmmm ♫

23
00:04:16,930 --> 00:04:20,800
♫ Mm-mm-mm mm-mmmmm ♫

24
00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:23,030
LANCE: You see
"University Challenge"?

25
00:04:23,030 --> 00:04:24,400
ANDY: Yeah.

26
00:04:25,300 --> 00:04:27,670
LANCE: You see the way
that idiot celebrated

27
00:04:27,670 --> 00:04:28,930
when he got
his starter for 10?

28
00:04:28,930 --> 00:04:31,230
ANDY: I know.
Idiot.

29
00:04:31,230 --> 00:04:34,270
LANCE: What a helmet.
Have some dignity.

30
00:04:34,270 --> 00:04:36,030
Waving your arms around.

31
00:04:36,030 --> 00:04:38,070
I hate the ones
that have a sip of water

32
00:04:38,070 --> 00:04:39,730
and frown
like it was no big deal.

33
00:04:39,730 --> 00:04:43,830
[ Chuckles ] Yeah.
They´re knobs as well.

34
00:04:43,830 --> 00:04:48,470
What you want is a --
is a humble smile

35
00:04:48,470 --> 00:04:51,430
and a nod to your teammates,
as if to say,

36
00:04:51,430 --> 00:04:53,800
"I know you guys
knew that one too."

37
00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:56,500
That´s it.
Spot-on.

38
00:04:56,500 --> 00:04:58,300
[ Metal detector beeping ]

39
00:05:06,230 --> 00:05:08,470
What you got?

40
00:05:08,470 --> 00:05:10,300
Bit off a trestle table.

41
00:05:11,330 --> 00:05:12,300
You?

42
00:05:12,300 --> 00:05:13,670
Tufty Club badge.

43
00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:18,000
-You know why, don´t you?
-Why?

44
00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:19,270
Car boot sales.

45
00:05:19,270 --> 00:05:22,270
Used to have them here
every weekend, few years back.

46
00:05:22,270 --> 00:05:24,870
I found £13.76 in loose change.

47
00:05:25,900 --> 00:05:29,200
This isn´t metal detecting.
This is scavenging on landfill.

48
00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:30,730
[ Baby crying ]

49
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:34,130
Lunchtime.

50
00:05:48,670 --> 00:05:50,530
What did you do last night?

51
00:05:50,530 --> 00:05:54,330
Ah, stayed in, had a French.

52
00:05:54,330 --> 00:05:57,270
-A French?
-Yeah.

53
00:05:57,270 --> 00:05:58,600
What´s that?

54
00:05:59,770 --> 00:06:01,900
Uh, French takeaway.

55
00:06:01,900 --> 00:06:05,270
That new restaurant in
the high street does takeaway.

56
00:06:05,270 --> 00:06:07,500
[ Baby fussing ]

57
00:06:07,500 --> 00:06:09,000
What´d you have?

58
00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:14,430
Ah, onion soup, escargot,
beouf bourguignon.

59
00:06:15,670 --> 00:06:17,700
Why don´t you cook anymore?

60
00:06:17,700 --> 00:06:19,500
Can´t be bothered.

61
00:06:19,500 --> 00:06:21,530
I used to enjoy your curries.

62
00:06:21,530 --> 00:06:23,800
You were the only one who did.

63
00:06:26,130 --> 00:06:27,900
What do you think about
Internet dating?

64
00:06:29,900 --> 00:06:32,130
I think you´re already married,
mate, to Becky.

65
00:06:32,130 --> 00:06:33,930
Not for me.
For you.

66
00:06:35,130 --> 00:06:36,670
[ Chuckling ] Shut up.

67
00:06:36,670 --> 00:06:38,470
What?
What´s so ridiculous about that?

68
00:06:38,470 --> 00:06:39,870
Loads of people do it
these days.

69
00:06:39,870 --> 00:06:42,930
Shut up.
What is this, an intervention?

70
00:06:42,930 --> 00:06:46,100
Ah, I´m quite happy as I am,
thank you.

71
00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:48,470
Here.

72
00:06:48,470 --> 00:06:53,700
Who´s that
down by that camper van?

73
00:06:53,700 --> 00:06:57,430
ANDY: Don´t know.

74
00:06:57,430 --> 00:06:58,930
Not from around here, though.

75
00:07:03,470 --> 00:07:04,800
Come on, there.

76
00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:05,670
Oh!

77
00:07:05,670 --> 00:07:07,670
There.

78
00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:10,270
Can I feed him?

79
00:07:10,270 --> 00:07:11,670
You want to?

80
00:07:11,670 --> 00:07:13,200
Yeah, go on, then.

81
00:07:15,130 --> 00:07:17,070
-There.
-Hello, Stanley.

82
00:07:17,070 --> 00:07:18,670
-Support his head.
-Yeah, I know.

83
00:07:18,670 --> 00:07:20,900
-Support his head.
-I am. I am.

84
00:07:20,900 --> 00:07:23,070
Hello, Stanley.

85
00:07:26,230 --> 00:07:29,400
Check it´s not too hot
by putting a bit on your...

86
00:07:31,930 --> 00:07:33,800
It´s good.

87
00:07:33,800 --> 00:07:35,300
Here we go.

88
00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:38,230
What?

89
00:07:38,230 --> 00:07:39,830
That´s...

90
00:07:39,830 --> 00:07:41,100
That milk is...

91
00:07:42,070 --> 00:07:43,070
What?

92
00:07:44,030 --> 00:07:45,300
Nothing.

93
00:07:46,870 --> 00:07:49,270
LANCE:
[ Speaks indistinctly ]

94
00:07:49,270 --> 00:07:53,070
[ Laughing ] Oh, God!

95
00:07:53,070 --> 00:07:55,530
Why didn´t you say anything?!

96
00:07:55,530 --> 00:07:57,830
-I decided to spare him.
-[ Laughs ]

97
00:07:57,830 --> 00:08:00,430
I´ll never be able to
look him in the eye again.

98
00:08:00,430 --> 00:08:01,800
Oh!

99
00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:03,500
Bless Lance.

100
00:08:03,500 --> 00:08:06,070
Is he all right?
I worry about him.

101
00:08:06,070 --> 00:08:07,030
It´s hard to tell,

102
00:08:07,030 --> 00:08:08,670
but he hasn´t invited me
´round to his flat

103
00:08:08,670 --> 00:08:10,130
for a curry in months.

104
00:08:10,130 --> 00:08:12,000
And I spotted some rust
on his car.

105
00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:14,330
-Is that significant?
-Hugely.

106
00:08:14,330 --> 00:08:16,900
-Does he ever talk about Maggie?
-Occasionally.

107
00:08:16,900 --> 00:08:19,300
I don´t think they´ve
been in touch since she left.

108
00:08:20,670 --> 00:08:22,730
Ohh!
Did you have a nice day?

109
00:08:22,730 --> 00:08:26,670
Did you go metal detecting
with Daddy and Uncle Lance?

110
00:08:26,670 --> 00:08:27,830
Ohhh.

111
00:08:27,830 --> 00:08:30,100
-Did you find anything good?
-Nah.

112
00:08:30,100 --> 00:08:31,670
Nahhh.

113
00:08:31,670 --> 00:08:33,730
They never find anything.

114
00:08:33,730 --> 00:08:36,930
-Heard that.
-[ Laughs ] Oops!

115
00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:40,470
Mum wants to take Stan
for the day tomorrow.

116
00:08:40,470 --> 00:08:41,670
Oh, great.

117
00:08:41,670 --> 00:08:44,730
You could call the agency
and see if they´ve got any work.

118
00:08:44,730 --> 00:08:47,070
Yeah.
Do that first thing.

119
00:08:50,070 --> 00:08:51,700
You think your mum
will stick to the routines

120
00:08:51,700 --> 00:08:53,400
with the feeding times
and naps and all that?

121
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:55,430
Ooh, doubt it.

122
00:08:55,430 --> 00:08:58,670
Doesn´t matter for one day,
does it?

123
00:08:58,670 --> 00:09:00,730
Will she have a go at me
for not having a job?

124
00:09:00,730 --> 00:09:02,600
Oh, probably.

125
00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:06,130
She hates the fact
that you had to go back to work

126
00:09:06,130 --> 00:09:07,400
and I´m at home with Stan.

127
00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:09,170
She thinks it´s degrading
for a man.

128
00:09:09,170 --> 00:09:12,530
Who cares what she thinks?
We didn´t have a choice.

129
00:09:13,570 --> 00:09:15,400
I know.

130
00:09:17,730 --> 00:09:19,770
Won´t be long now.

131
00:09:19,770 --> 00:09:21,200
You´ll get a job soon.

132
00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:23,070
Yeah.

133
00:09:23,070 --> 00:09:24,270
I thought I´d pass my exams

134
00:09:24,270 --> 00:09:26,000
and magically become
an archaeologist.

135
00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:28,370
Didn´t occur to me
that no one would give me a job.

136
00:09:28,370 --> 00:09:30,370
Poor Daddy.

137
00:09:30,370 --> 00:09:32,730
You know we love you,
don´t you?

138
00:09:32,730 --> 00:09:35,470
-Yeah. Although...
-What?

139
00:09:35,470 --> 00:09:37,730
Smells like at least one of you
has done a poo in your pants.

140
00:09:37,730 --> 00:09:39,600
Really? Bad luck.
[ Laughs ]

141
00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:41,130
That´s not fair.
You knew.

142
00:09:41,130 --> 00:09:43,730
[ Laughs ]
I didn´t smell anything.

143
00:09:43,730 --> 00:09:46,770
Bullshit.
It´s making my eyes water.

144
00:09:52,370 --> 00:09:53,970
TERRY:
Lovely to see the finds table

145
00:09:53,970 --> 00:09:58,300
with such a nice scattering
of quality finds here.

146
00:09:58,300 --> 00:10:02,700
Good range
of buttons and buckles.

147
00:10:02,700 --> 00:10:07,200
And half a dozen Civil War-era
musket balls.

148
00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:09,430
Now, I know
I´ve said this before,

149
00:10:09,430 --> 00:10:13,270
but although they are common,
I find musket balls to be

150
00:10:13,270 --> 00:10:17,000
irresistible nuggets
of history --

151
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:18,730
albeit toxic history,

152
00:10:18,730 --> 00:10:21,070
and all lead items
in your collection

153
00:10:21,070 --> 00:10:22,730
should be stored
safely and responsibly

154
00:10:22,730 --> 00:10:24,800
and out of the reach
of children.

155
00:10:26,100 --> 00:10:28,000
Whose is the Roman phallus?

156
00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:29,670
Oh, that´s mine.

157
00:10:29,670 --> 00:10:33,130
[ Laughing ]

158
00:10:33,130 --> 00:10:34,270
Something funny about that?

159
00:10:34,270 --> 00:10:35,930
-No.
-Right.

160
00:10:35,930 --> 00:10:37,670
Andy? Lance?

161
00:10:37,670 --> 00:10:39,800
Anything from you
on the finds table this week?

162
00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:42,300
Ah, not this week, Terry, no.

163
00:10:42,300 --> 00:10:43,930
Tufty Club badge.

164
00:10:46,330 --> 00:10:50,400
Now, the annual club rally
is fast approaching,

165
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,470
and we still do not have a site
to hold it on.

166
00:10:52,470 --> 00:10:54,670
Does nobody have a permission
that we can use?

167
00:10:56,930 --> 00:10:58,530
Well, if the worst
comes to the worst,

168
00:10:58,530 --> 00:11:00,130
we´ve been given permission
to detect

169
00:11:00,130 --> 00:11:03,330
on an old Edwardian
rubbish dump out by Maldon.

170
00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:07,130
An Edwardian rubbish dump?
That´s still rubbish, mate.

171
00:11:07,130 --> 00:11:08,470
It´s disgusting.

172
00:11:08,470 --> 00:11:09,730
Right, well,
how long does something

173
00:11:09,730 --> 00:11:11,800
have to be in the ground before
it becomes archaeology, then,

174
00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:13,300
Mrs. Ancient History?

175
00:11:13,300 --> 00:11:15,230
Well, at least a hundred years,
surely.

176
00:11:15,230 --> 00:11:16,930
-[ Clicks tongue ]
-ANDY: I´m with Sophie.

177
00:11:16,930 --> 00:11:18,900
The clue´s in the name.
Rubbish dump.

178
00:11:18,900 --> 00:11:20,900
Nonsense.

179
00:11:20,900 --> 00:11:23,470
The Edwardians threw
some fascinating stuff away.

180
00:11:23,470 --> 00:11:25,670
They didn´t throw away gold,
though, did they?

181
00:11:25,670 --> 00:11:27,670
It´s not all about gold,
Sophie.

182
00:11:27,670 --> 00:11:29,430
Nobody´s gonna want to
come to a rally

183
00:11:29,430 --> 00:11:32,800
where you´re absolutely
guaranteed not to find any gold.

184
00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:35,300
She´s right, Terry. It´s just
gonna be broken glass and china.

185
00:11:35,300 --> 00:11:38,830
TERRY: Well, until somebody
comes up with something else,

186
00:11:38,830 --> 00:11:40,930
it´s the best we´ve got.

187
00:11:40,930 --> 00:11:42,730
Now, Russell, Hugh,

188
00:11:42,730 --> 00:11:45,730
how is your lost-wedding-ring
recovery service doing?

189
00:11:45,730 --> 00:11:48,130
Yeah, not bad, Terry.
One callout this week.

190
00:11:48,130 --> 00:11:50,130
Old biddy,
lost engagement ring.

191
00:11:50,130 --> 00:11:52,130
But I´m not gonna waste me time
telling you...

192
00:11:52,130 --> 00:11:52,930
Oh.

193
00:11:52,930 --> 00:11:56,300
...when you can read all
about it in the Essex Chronicle!

194
00:11:56,300 --> 00:11:57,430
-TERRY: Oh!
-Two copies.

195
00:11:57,430 --> 00:11:59,770
One for the scrapbook,
one for the notice board.

196
00:11:59,770 --> 00:12:01,670
-Well done.
-Whoo!

197
00:12:03,900 --> 00:12:06,100
And we were wo-- Sit down.
Sit down.

198
00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:09,130
And we were wondering
whether we can get a vehicle.

199
00:12:09,130 --> 00:12:12,300
-Pardon? A vehicle?
-That´s right.

200
00:12:12,300 --> 00:12:13,930
What´s wrong with the bus?

201
00:12:13,930 --> 00:12:16,470
Well, we just think
if we had a DMDC vehicle,

202
00:12:16,470 --> 00:12:19,700
it would present a more,
you know, professional image.

203
00:12:19,700 --> 00:12:21,270
What kind of a vehicle?

204
00:12:21,270 --> 00:12:24,130
Like the Ghostbusters.

205
00:12:24,130 --> 00:12:26,870
We weren´t going to say that.

206
00:12:26,870 --> 00:12:28,730
No, not like the Ghostbusters,

207
00:12:28,730 --> 00:12:30,230
but something
with a logo on the side.

208
00:12:30,230 --> 00:12:32,000
The Ghostbusters logo.

209
00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:34,430
No, the DMDC logo.

210
00:12:34,430 --> 00:12:38,200
Look, I´m not denying that this
club is in a far healthier state

211
00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:39,800
than it was this time last year,
Russell,

212
00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:41,830
but I do not think
the DMDC coffers

213
00:12:41,830 --> 00:12:43,670
are gonna stretch to a Cadillac.

214
00:12:43,670 --> 00:12:45,430
Speaking of which,

215
00:12:45,430 --> 00:12:48,700
Sheila´s come up with
a novel fund-raising idea

216
00:12:48,700 --> 00:12:50,270
that I said
she could run up the flagpole,

217
00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:52,130
see if anyone salutes it.

218
00:12:52,130 --> 00:12:53,530
Sheila? Love?

219
00:12:53,530 --> 00:12:55,430
Yes.

220
00:12:55,430 --> 00:13:00,200
I thought we could do
a naked calendar.

221
00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:01,430
-No. No way.
-Absolutely not.

222
00:13:01,430 --> 00:13:03,530
-Are you insane, Sheila?
-Oh, shut up.

223
00:13:03,530 --> 00:13:05,670
-Unbelievable.
-No one´s seeing my nuts.

224
00:13:05,670 --> 00:13:10,400
Terry could take photos
of you all out metal detecting,

225
00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:13,870
with your finds pouches
covering your privates.

226
00:13:13,870 --> 00:13:16,800
Sheila, shut the fuck up!
You´re not hearing me.

227
00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:18,300
-I am not taking...
-Are you joking, Sheila?!

228
00:13:18,300 --> 00:13:20,000
You´re not fucking hearing me.
We´re not doing it.

229
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:22,530
-No way. Certainly not doing it.
-Keep them covered!

230
00:13:22,530 --> 00:13:25,200
-[ Indistinct shouting ]
-Stupid woman.

231
00:13:29,470 --> 00:13:32,670
Now, now, come on, come on.
Don´t just dismiss it.

232
00:13:32,670 --> 00:13:35,000
I mean, we´ve got
nearly enough members

233
00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:36,670
for each month of the year.

234
00:13:36,670 --> 00:13:38,070
Well, perhaps some of you
could double up.

235
00:13:38,070 --> 00:13:39,700
Lance, Andy.

236
00:13:39,700 --> 00:13:41,100
Well...

237
00:13:41,100 --> 00:13:43,500
Russell, Hugh, you could
do one together, perhaps.

238
00:13:43,500 --> 00:13:45,300
Jesus Christ.

239
00:13:45,300 --> 00:13:47,670
Well, you know, it could be
a good money spinner.

240
00:13:47,670 --> 00:13:49,130
Really, Terry?

241
00:13:49,130 --> 00:13:52,670
Who on earth is gonna want
to buy a naked DMDC calendar?

242
00:13:52,670 --> 00:13:54,730
I would.

243
00:13:54,730 --> 00:13:57,900
Well, you know, these things
"go viral," don´t they?

244
00:13:57,900 --> 00:13:59,400
I mean,
you go on the local news,

245
00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:01,800
then suddenly you´re
sending them all over the world.

246
00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:03,670
Oh, that´s how it works,
is it?

247
00:14:03,670 --> 00:14:05,700
Then they write a musical
about you.

248
00:14:05,700 --> 00:14:08,130
I don´t want a musical
written about me.

249
00:14:08,130 --> 00:14:09,430
Let´s have a show of hands.

250
00:14:09,430 --> 00:14:12,670
Who thinks it´s a good idea
to do a naked calendar?

251
00:14:16,930 --> 00:14:19,700
-It´s not enough, darling.
-No mind.

252
00:14:19,700 --> 00:14:23,330
So it´s agreed, then.
We won´t be making a calendar.

253
00:14:23,330 --> 00:14:25,130
I´d like to go further.

254
00:14:25,130 --> 00:14:26,830
I´d like us to vow

255
00:14:26,830 --> 00:14:30,400
never to take our clothes off
in front of each other.

256
00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:32,500
-Yeah, I´m with him.
-I´ll go with that.

257
00:14:32,500 --> 00:14:34,300
[ Door creaks ]

258
00:14:36,670 --> 00:14:39,500
[ German accent ] Hello.
Um, are you the metal detectors?

259
00:14:39,500 --> 00:14:41,670
Detectorists, yes.

260
00:14:41,670 --> 00:14:44,000
Welcome to the
Danebury Metal Detecting Club.

261
00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:45,730
What can we do you for?

262
00:14:45,730 --> 00:14:47,730
[ Indistinct conversations ]

263
00:14:48,930 --> 00:14:52,670
I´m looking for the wreckage
or crash site of a plane,

264
00:14:52,670 --> 00:14:56,300
a German plane that came down
somewhere around here in 1941.

265
00:14:56,300 --> 00:14:58,070
I like it already.

266
00:14:58,070 --> 00:14:59,430
What type of plane?

267
00:14:59,430 --> 00:15:02,070
My grandfather
was one of the crew members,

268
00:15:02,070 --> 00:15:04,800
and my grandmother was pregnant
with my dad at the time,

269
00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:06,670
and she got a telegram
with just the words,

270
00:15:06,670 --> 00:15:08,670
"Missing.
Believed killed."

271
00:15:08,670 --> 00:15:11,400
-Oh, dear.
-That´s very sad.

272
00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:12,670
What type of plane?

273
00:15:12,670 --> 00:15:15,700
Junkers Ju 88.

274
00:15:15,700 --> 00:15:17,230
It crashed
on the way back to France.

275
00:15:17,230 --> 00:15:18,700
The only clue I could turn up

276
00:15:18,700 --> 00:15:21,670
mentioned the village
of, uh, Henburystone.

277
00:15:22,500 --> 00:15:24,470
Well, that´s where
Andy and Lance detect, isn´t it?

278
00:15:24,470 --> 00:15:26,700
Henburystone.
The round-tower church.

279
00:15:26,700 --> 00:15:28,830
Over that way, yeah.

280
00:15:28,830 --> 00:15:30,670
Are you chaps no longer
on Bishop´s Farm?

281
00:15:30,670 --> 00:15:32,930
No, we searched out
all the fields there.

282
00:15:32,930 --> 00:15:34,270
Nothing there after all.

283
00:15:34,270 --> 00:15:36,500
This new place
never turned up anything

284
00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:37,900
that looked like
plane wreckage, though.

285
00:15:37,900 --> 00:15:38,870
No.

286
00:15:38,870 --> 00:15:41,070
You need to go through
newspapers from the time

287
00:15:41,070 --> 00:15:42,030
at the library,

288
00:15:42,030 --> 00:15:44,000
see if you can find some photo
of the crash site.

289
00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:45,900
I can help.
It sounds interesting.

290
00:15:45,900 --> 00:15:46,870
[ Chuckles ]

291
00:15:46,870 --> 00:15:48,200
What?

292
00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:49,300
Hmm?

293
00:15:49,300 --> 00:15:51,500
Well, isn´t this the girl
who was saying

294
00:15:51,500 --> 00:15:54,030
that Edwardian
is still rubbish?

295
00:15:54,030 --> 00:15:55,700
And your point is?

296
00:15:55,700 --> 00:15:57,800
Well, by your reckoning,

297
00:15:57,800 --> 00:16:00,500
a World War II bomber
is merely litter.

298
00:16:00,500 --> 00:16:01,730
Shut up, Lance.

299
00:16:01,730 --> 00:16:05,470
There are aerial photographs
online that show bomb craters.

300
00:16:05,470 --> 00:16:07,870
Well, it might show up
in one of those.

301
00:16:07,870 --> 00:16:09,670
I can meet you at the library
if you like,

302
00:16:09,670 --> 00:16:10,730
see what we can find out.

303
00:16:10,730 --> 00:16:11,700
Excellent.

304
00:16:11,700 --> 00:16:13,870
There you are, then.
Crack team on the case.

305
00:16:13,870 --> 00:16:15,300
[ Chuckles ]

306
00:16:15,300 --> 00:16:16,400
I think you´ll find

307
00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:18,900
we´re a pretty trustworthy bunch
on the whole,

308
00:16:18,900 --> 00:16:21,230
despite our quirks and foibles.

309
00:16:21,230 --> 00:16:22,670
Uh, quirks and...?

310
00:16:22,670 --> 00:16:24,000
Foibles.

311
00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:26,030
I don´t know either of these.

312
00:16:26,030 --> 00:16:29,130
Peculiar behavioral habits.

313
00:16:29,130 --> 00:16:30,270
Oh.

314
00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:34,070
TERRY: N-Nothing serious.
Nothing sinister.

315
00:16:34,070 --> 00:16:35,030
[ Chuckles ]

316
00:16:35,030 --> 00:16:36,670
You´ve not joined a cult.

317
00:16:36,670 --> 00:16:37,930
[ Laughter ]

318
00:16:42,670 --> 00:16:44,000
[ Laughter subsides ]

319
00:16:52,470 --> 00:16:53,800
Ahh.

320
00:16:57,500 --> 00:16:58,970
So, hands up,
who thinks Lance

321
00:16:58,970 --> 00:17:01,670
should join
an Internet dating agency?

322
00:17:01,670 --> 00:17:02,530
Here we go.

323
00:17:02,530 --> 00:17:05,830
I´m not -- I´m not joining
an Internet dating agency.

324
00:17:05,830 --> 00:17:08,070
It´s not a subject
for public conversation.

325
00:17:08,070 --> 00:17:11,330
I think it´s a lovely idea,
Lance.

326
00:17:11,330 --> 00:17:14,700
You could meet somebody
really nice.

327
00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:15,330
TERRY: Yeah.

328
00:17:15,330 --> 00:17:16,830
That´s what
I´ve been telling him.

329
00:17:16,830 --> 00:17:19,200
There´s all different
niche websites these days,

330
00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:21,800
catering for
all different tastes.

331
00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:24,670
You insinuating I´ve got
strange tastes, Russell?

332
00:17:24,670 --> 00:17:27,930
Not you.
Other people.

333
00:17:27,930 --> 00:17:30,700
Look, I don´t want
a relationship.

334
00:17:30,700 --> 00:17:33,500
I´m actually going through
a period of voluntary chastity.

335
00:17:33,500 --> 00:17:35,200
[ Coughs ]

336
00:17:39,270 --> 00:17:40,300
Sorry.

337
00:17:57,670 --> 00:18:00,670
-[ Mandolin playing ]
-LANCE: ♫ You´re the sun ♫

338
00:18:00,670 --> 00:18:04,030
♫ You´re the moon ♫

339
00:18:04,030 --> 00:18:08,500
♫ You´re the light ♫

340
00:18:08,500 --> 00:18:10,870
♫ In the room ♫

341
00:18:13,670 --> 00:18:20,870
♫ You are my new-age girl ♫

342
00:18:20,870 --> 00:18:22,900
[ Cellphone vibrating ]

343
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:36,670
Hello?

344
00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:42,270
Oh, uh,
if it´s about the fish tank,

345
00:18:42,270 --> 00:18:44,200
I sold it this morning.

346
00:18:47,030 --> 00:18:48,300
It´s who?

347
00:18:50,530 --> 00:18:52,470
Kate?

348
00:18:52,470 --> 00:18:54,000
Yeah, it´s...

349
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:56,900
Yeah, this is Lance.
I-It´s Lance.

350
00:18:56,900 --> 00:18:58,130
Yeah.

351
00:18:59,430 --> 00:19:00,900
Yes, I did, yeah.

352
00:19:00,900 --> 00:19:02,930
I-I hadn´t got ´round
to replying yet.

353
00:19:02,930 --> 00:19:05,000
I´m not very good
with the e-mail.

354
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:07,900
[ Chuckles ] Yeah.

355
00:19:07,900 --> 00:19:11,570
Yeah.
Well, thank you.

356
00:19:11,570 --> 00:19:13,170
Me too.

357
00:19:14,170 --> 00:19:15,870
Well, yeah, we should meet.

358
00:19:15,870 --> 00:19:18,070
I´m not very good
on the phone.

359
00:19:19,130 --> 00:19:22,470
Uh...no.

360
00:19:22,470 --> 00:19:24,370
How about for a coffee?

361
00:19:25,900 --> 00:19:28,170
Tuesday sounds good.

362
00:19:28,170 --> 00:19:30,300
Yeah.

363
00:19:30,300 --> 00:19:33,970
Okay, well,
I´ll look forward to, um...

364
00:19:34,930 --> 00:19:36,200
...it.

365
00:19:37,330 --> 00:19:39,300
Okay.

366
00:19:39,300 --> 00:19:40,800
Bye.

367
00:19:52,970 --> 00:19:55,100
As long as he doesn´t have
too long a nap in the morning.

368
00:19:55,100 --> 00:19:56,500
That´s all I´m asking.

369
00:19:56,500 --> 00:19:58,570
She needs to wake him up
after an hour,

370
00:19:58,570 --> 00:20:00,200
otherwise everything
goes out of sync

371
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:01,470
and we´re back to square one.

372
00:20:01,470 --> 00:20:03,330
All right, Gina Ford.
Chill out.

373
00:20:03,330 --> 00:20:04,670
It´s not Gina Ford, actually.

374
00:20:04,670 --> 00:20:06,700
It´s my own unique blend
of teachings,

375
00:20:06,700 --> 00:20:07,930
and I´m thinking
of publishing it.

376
00:20:09,270 --> 00:20:11,200
That will be a gripping read.

377
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:13,470
Do you think she sterilizes
everything properly?

378
00:20:13,470 --> 00:20:14,900
Bec-- Hello?

379
00:20:16,470 --> 00:20:19,400
Really? Nothing at all?
Not even catering work?

380
00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:21,670
It´s been three weeks now.

381
00:20:22,700 --> 00:20:25,130
Okay, thanks.

382
00:20:25,130 --> 00:20:27,200
Nothing? Really?

383
00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:29,670
I haven´t got any skills,
apparently.

384
00:20:31,670 --> 00:20:34,670
I´ll do some job searching while
Stan´s at your mum´s today.

385
00:20:37,900 --> 00:20:40,270
Do you mind if I go out
after work with Gay Martin?

386
00:20:40,270 --> 00:20:41,800
Sure.

387
00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:44,800
He did some volunteer teaching
last year with the VSO.

388
00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:45,730
Oh, yeah?

389
00:20:45,730 --> 00:20:48,200
He did six months in Colombia.
It sounded amazing.

390
00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:50,070
Cool.

391
00:20:51,300 --> 00:20:54,200
Well, it sounds like
what we used to talk about.

392
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:55,670
About going to Africa.

393
00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:58,500
What, you´re not thinking
we can do it?

394
00:20:58,500 --> 00:21:00,870
Well, be better than
waiting around

395
00:21:00,870 --> 00:21:03,030
for dead-end catering jobs,
wouldn´t it?

396
00:21:03,030 --> 00:21:05,470
-Yeah, but not now.
-Why not?

397
00:21:05,470 --> 00:21:06,870
Well, because we´ve got
Stan now.

398
00:21:06,870 --> 00:21:08,670
He´s just a baby.

399
00:21:10,270 --> 00:21:12,000
Well, I´d still like to
hear about it.

400
00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:14,700
Well, yeah, you should.
Be interesting.

401
00:21:14,700 --> 00:21:16,930
So you don´t mind
if I´m a bit late?

402
00:21:16,930 --> 00:21:19,200
Not if you´re only with
Gay Martin.

403
00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:20,900
Oh, he´s not gay.

404
00:21:22,330 --> 00:21:23,670
-Isn´t he?
-No!

405
00:21:23,670 --> 00:21:26,270
It´s an ironic nickname because
he´s the least homosexual man

406
00:21:26,270 --> 00:21:27,670
you can possibly imagine.

407
00:21:27,670 --> 00:21:31,300
He´s gorgeous. Spanish.
All the women fancy him.

408
00:21:31,300 --> 00:21:33,870
Is he?
Do they?

409
00:21:33,870 --> 00:21:35,200
I don´t.

410
00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:37,430
No, of course.

411
00:21:37,430 --> 00:21:39,700
But, yeah...
[ Laughing softly ]

412
00:21:39,700 --> 00:21:41,830
That´s who I´m going out with.

413
00:21:41,830 --> 00:21:44,270
Right. Uh, good.

414
00:22:04,900 --> 00:22:06,800
[ Doorbell rings ]

415
00:22:11,670 --> 00:22:13,430
Stanley!

416
00:22:13,430 --> 00:22:16,070
It´s Nana!

417
00:22:16,070 --> 00:22:17,670
Yes!

418
00:22:17,670 --> 00:22:20,670
-Hello, Veronica.
-Andy.

419
00:22:20,670 --> 00:22:23,230
-How are you?
-Well, thank you.

420
00:22:23,230 --> 00:22:24,200
Working?

421
00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:25,870
Uh, not really.

422
00:22:25,870 --> 00:22:27,330
Still looking for a proper job.

423
00:22:27,330 --> 00:22:31,530
Proper job, yeah.
That´s probably a good idea.

424
00:22:31,530 --> 00:22:34,830
And what are you up to today

425
00:22:34,830 --> 00:22:38,200
whilst my daughter works
and I look after Stanley?

426
00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:39,800
Metal detecting.
[ Clears throat ]

427
00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:42,400
-Beg your pardon?
-Metal detecting.

428
00:22:43,800 --> 00:22:45,300
Very useful.

429
00:22:46,700 --> 00:22:48,030
Who´s that?

430
00:22:50,230 --> 00:22:52,500
That´s my friend Lance.

431
00:22:52,500 --> 00:22:54,330
What a silly car.

432
00:22:55,500 --> 00:22:57,270
You ready to rumble?

433
00:22:57,270 --> 00:22:58,600
Mm.

434
00:22:58,600 --> 00:23:01,270
I´ve written a list
with feeding times on it and --

435
00:23:01,270 --> 00:23:03,670
I don´t need a list.
I´ve raised three of my own.

436
00:23:03,670 --> 00:23:05,330
I know, but I´m trying to
stick to a routine.

437
00:23:05,330 --> 00:23:07,130
We can work out
our own routine.

438
00:23:07,130 --> 00:23:08,900
Thank you.
We´re quite capable.

439
00:23:08,900 --> 00:23:10,530
Just that quite a lot
of work has gone into this.

440
00:23:10,530 --> 00:23:13,500
Run along now
and go and [Sighs]

441
00:23:13,500 --> 00:23:14,670
find some metal.

442
00:23:14,670 --> 00:23:16,300
Do you want to keep hold of this
just in case?

443
00:23:16,300 --> 00:23:17,100
No, thank you.

444
00:23:17,100 --> 00:23:20,000
All right, well, I´ll just --
I´ll leave it there.

445
00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:21,900
And I´ve got my mobile,
Becky´s got hers,

446
00:23:21,900 --> 00:23:23,830
and I´ve put
my friend Lance´s number down.

447
00:23:23,830 --> 00:23:27,070
-Bye-bye.
-His next feed is at 9:30.

448
00:23:33,100 --> 00:23:36,030
Silly?
What way silly?

449
00:23:36,030 --> 00:23:38,100
A clown car is silly.

450
00:23:38,100 --> 00:23:40,270
A Triumph TR7 is a classic.

451
00:23:40,270 --> 00:23:41,670
It´s just
if he gets out of sync,

452
00:23:41,670 --> 00:23:43,200
then all of that work´s
out of the window.

453
00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:44,200
He´ll be up all night again.

454
00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:46,200
Relax, mate.
It´ll be fine.

455
00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:48,000
Stupid old trout.

456
00:23:49,830 --> 00:23:51,700
Ah! Damn it.
We got to go back.

457
00:23:51,700 --> 00:23:53,300
Why?
What is it?

458
00:23:53,300 --> 00:23:54,530
It´s Clothy.
He needs it.

459
00:23:54,530 --> 00:23:56,800
Becky´s mum will have
a piece of old flannel.

460
00:23:56,800 --> 00:23:58,330
This isn´t a piece
of old flannel.

461
00:23:58,330 --> 00:23:59,470
This is Clothy.

462
00:23:59,470 --> 00:24:01,900
He can do without Clothy
for one day.

463
00:24:01,900 --> 00:24:04,000
He´s three months old.

464
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:05,870
Got to start toughening up.

465
00:24:05,870 --> 00:24:08,900
[ Mid-tempo folk music plays ]

466
00:24:40,130 --> 00:24:42,400
Turns out he´s not even gay.

467
00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:45,670
It´s an ironic nickname
because he´s so heterosexual.

468
00:24:45,670 --> 00:24:48,100
-Shit.
-Yeah.

469
00:24:48,100 --> 00:24:51,200
-Gorgeous, Spanish.
-Yeah?

470
00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:52,670
I´m not worried.

471
00:24:52,670 --> 00:24:54,230
Doesn´t sound like it.

472
00:24:54,230 --> 00:24:56,670
But, yeah,
I´ve got to get a job soon.

473
00:24:56,670 --> 00:24:58,000
It´s ridiculous.

474
00:24:58,000 --> 00:25:01,670
43 years old, and I can´t even
provide for my family.

475
00:25:04,070 --> 00:25:05,900
There any jobs going
at the depot?

476
00:25:05,900 --> 00:25:08,000
Only if you can
drive a forklift.

477
00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:10,030
I can´t even drive a car.

478
00:25:10,030 --> 00:25:11,030
No, then.

479
00:25:17,870 --> 00:25:18,870
What you got?

480
00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:24,670
It´s a "Blankety Blank"
checkbook and pen.

481
00:25:24,670 --> 00:25:26,270
Really?

482
00:25:28,270 --> 00:25:29,430
With the pen?

483
00:25:31,430 --> 00:25:33,400
Ah, no, actually.
It´s just the checkbook.

484
00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:34,830
Oh, well.

485
00:25:34,830 --> 00:25:37,670
See?
Car boot sales.

486
00:25:38,700 --> 00:25:40,800
What´s the name on it?

487
00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:42,070
Les Dawson.

488
00:25:42,070 --> 00:25:43,500
Pity.

489
00:25:43,500 --> 00:25:45,670
-They´re the most common.
-Eh?

490
00:25:45,670 --> 00:25:48,900
Dawson did 123 episodes,
including Christmas specials.

491
00:25:48,900 --> 00:25:51,300
Wogan did 95.

492
00:25:51,300 --> 00:25:54,700
Surprisingly, the scarce ones
are the Lily Savage ones.

493
00:25:54,700 --> 00:25:56,000
She only did 59 eps.

494
00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:58,630
All right, Rain Man,
How do you know this stuff?

495
00:25:58,630 --> 00:26:02,070
Lecture at this year´s
TV nostalgia convention.

496
00:26:02,070 --> 00:26:03,670
Still go to those?

497
00:26:03,670 --> 00:26:06,000
Nah.
Not after the last one.

498
00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:07,030
Shambles.

499
00:26:07,030 --> 00:26:08,500
Yeah.

500
00:26:08,500 --> 00:26:10,700
Nostalgia conventions
aren´t what they used to be.

501
00:26:10,700 --> 00:26:11,730
Mm.

502
00:26:11,730 --> 00:26:13,670
Lee Majors is gonna be
at the next one.

503
00:26:13,670 --> 00:26:15,130
Six Million Dollar Man?

504
00:26:15,130 --> 00:26:18,730
Apparently he´s only worth
a hundred grand now.

505
00:26:18,730 --> 00:26:19,700
That´s why he

506
00:26:19,700 --> 00:26:21,700
-does the conventions.
-Does the conventions.

507
00:26:21,700 --> 00:26:24,100
[ "Detectorists" plays ]