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Previously on Lucifer...
Everything I felt for her
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was smoke and mirrors,
courtesy of Dad.
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DAN:
Did you sleep with me
t o get Intel on this case?
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- MOM: Of course.
- What are you doing here?
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You don't let your girl
go into enemy territory alone.
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The piece is here.
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My last words were a clue.
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A clue?
A clue to what?
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Well, you're the one who has
to figure that out, aren't you?
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LUCIFER:
And you really think
t hat this is
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the Flaming Sword?
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It's so not flaming.
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That's because only you,
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my Lightbringer,
can ignite it.
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That's it.
It's all I've got.
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Okay. Then we'll fix it.
There's plenty of time.
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MOM:
Just not for me.
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I do intend to use
the Flaming Sword
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to cut through
the Gates of Heaven.
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Once I do that,
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I plan on
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kicking Mom into Heaven
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and slamming the gates
on her backside.
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Won't God destroy her?
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Hopefully, they
tear each other apart.
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Then they'll both get
what they deserve.
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I'm not the Devil,
I'm just a man who's delusional.
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I made it all up.
I made it all... up.
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(chuckles)
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I'm doing great.
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Great.
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Great is...good...
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Okay, good talk.
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Same time next week?
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Uh, sorry, it's just that...
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some of the things
that you said
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in our last session
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raised some
issues for me.
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- Do tell.
- So this secret plan
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to cut through the
Gates of Heaven...
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Well, actually, we've hit
a bit of a snag with that.
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The Flaming Sword's kaput.
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Now, we can't work out
what's wrong with it,
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and until we can, we're in
a bit of a holding pattern.
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- Ah, that's a relief.
- Well, why would you say that?
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God and His ex having
a fight to the death?
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Sounds kind of bad for,
you know, humanity.
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Oh, you'll probably be fine.
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Probably?
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That's not exactly
reassuring.
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What does Maze
think of your plan?
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Well, I don't know.
I haven't told her.
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Hence the secret part
of the secret plan.
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- She's your best friend.
- Yes, well,
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as much as I love
my little sex thug,
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Maze can do things that she
thinks are in my best interest
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that turn out to be,
well, disastrous.
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And I can't afford that.
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- Hmm.
- But the good news is
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she's busy focusing
on her new bestie right now.
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The detective.
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They're practically
inseparable.
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Hey, roomie.
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- Where you going?
- Maze, hey.
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Um, I'm on my way to work.
I'm running late.
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Oh, no, but you haven't
had breakfast, come on.
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♪ Mm! ♪
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No, I'm...
(hard toast clanks on plate)
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Oh, yeah, no,
I'm not hungry.
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Yeah, I know, the whole
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boring domestic thing--
not my jam.
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I should stick to managing
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the social part
of our friendship.
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- You want to kick
someone's ass?
- Maze,
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I feel like, you know, we've
been hanging out a lot lately.
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And I think
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perhaps we should expand
our circle of friends.
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I got you, Decker.
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Yeah? You do?
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I smell what you're
stepping in.
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(snaps fingers)
Trust me.
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CHLOE:
You know,
you should give a Maze a call.
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Hasn't it been a while
since you two hung out?
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Tired of tripping over
her sex toys, are you?
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I didn't say that.
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I just think it would
do her, and me, some good
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if she wasn't around
all the time.
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Well, here's the thing.
Maze is like one of those
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little baby birds that
imprints on whatever's near.
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Sadly, that's you.
You are the new me.
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I don't want to be you.
I just want some space.
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Oh. Eventually
Maze will find her place,
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but until then, what's
the worst that could happen?
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Murder. Confirmed.
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Blunt-force trauma
to the back of the head.
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The victim got hit
with this backgammon board.
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Not very sportsmanlike.
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Hmm-mm.
He was an orderly.
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Toby Mulligan, 32.
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- Body was found here.
- Okay.
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They interview the staff
or the patients yet?
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No, not yet. It's a
psychiatric hospital,
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so the staff didn't want
the patients wigging out
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over the dead body.
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They've been busy
moving everyone
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to a different floor.
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I love the mentally ill.
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I mean, who isn't amused by
someone who thinks they're Elvis
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or Napoleon or
Wesley Snipes?
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Who found the body?
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- DAN: God.
- Ah! See?!
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God Johnson, he's a patient.
He's right in there.
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DAN: The guy actually
thinks he's God.
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He changed his name
and everything.
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- Oh. You two should have
a lot to talk about.
- Yes.
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I would like to have a chat
with the Almighty.
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Cool your jets, man, all right?
There's a whole bunch
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of bureaucratic hoops
to jump through
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to set up an interview.
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The hospital administrator
has all the info.
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Well, hello, God.
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Hello, my son.
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(laughs, stops short)
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Right, yes, I suppose that
would be the standard way
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to greet your children.
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Nice touch.
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What can I do for you?
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Well, it's what I can do
for you that's exciting.
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See, I can reveal the truth
about the Supreme Being
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you've chosen to impersonate.
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I bet you wanted
to be God because
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He's benevolent,
all-powerful, yada yada.
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But in actual
fact, He's a dick.
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Look, if you want
to be angry with me,
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you just go right on ahead.
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I can be anything
you need me to be.
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Right, enough of this
idle chit-chat.
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Time to tell me what
the charade's really about.
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What do you desire?
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Hmm?
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To avoid a vengeful ex-wife?
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Years of back taxes?
What's your game?
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Is this a staring contest?
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'Cause, you know,
I'm pretty good at those.
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How is this possible?
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Oh, right, yes,
I bet you're on
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some really amazing
drugs, aren't you?
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If so, share-zies.
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You're not supposed
to be in here.
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Oh, never mind.
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I'm done with this
fraud, anyway.
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It was real good
seeing you, Samael.
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What did you say?
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Dad?
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♪♪
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- Has Dad ever visited
Earth before?
- Not that I'm aware of.
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And besides, why would
He do so now?
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Mm. I don't know,
maybe because
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we're plotting
to overthrow Him.
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Even so, Luci, that's
not the way Dad operates.
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- (sighs)
- If He has a problem,
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He sends an emissary,
like me,
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or maybe a burning bush.
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So how does this God Johnson
know Samael, hmm?
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My name.
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Oh, wait, I know.
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- You do?
- The Internet!
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It's truly amazing
what you can find online.
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Have you seen that video
with the cat
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that jumps inside the box?
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Very funny, but
I didn't even
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introduce myself
as Lucifer.
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And there's something
strange about...
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I can't explain it.
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Because it's just crazy talk
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coming from
a mentally ill human.
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- Well, there might be
another reason.
- Right.
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What's that?
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Well, Earth is
His favorite toy.
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Maybe He got fed up of
looking at it from afar.
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I mean, it's not an
entirely awful place.
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Even you have to admit that.
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Now you're the one sounding
crazy, Luci, because Earth--
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Earth is nothing
compared to Heaven.
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Oh, come now, brother.
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I think you've grown to
like the place, haven't you?
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- (scoffs)
- Come on, be honest.
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When we return to Heaven,
there must be something
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that you're gonna miss, eh?
190
00:07:19,545 --> 00:07:21,463
Or someone, maybe?
191
00:07:22,506 --> 00:07:25,384
Someone in tight leather pants
with a penchant for knives?
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I'm referring to Maze,
of course.
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ELLA:
Come on, guys.
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Is it really so crazy?
195
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I mean, what if God
was one of us?
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Just a slob,
like one of us.
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Exactly.
Or just a...
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A stranger on a bus.
199
00:07:41,358 --> 00:07:43,152
My father would never use
public transport.
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00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:44,778
That song is completely
unrealistic.
201
00:07:44,987 --> 00:07:46,280
- What song?
- LUCIFER:
The song I hate
202
00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:47,990
almost as much as I hate
these hypocrites,
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00:07:48,198 --> 00:07:49,575
like God Johnson.
204
00:07:49,783 --> 00:07:51,660
Hypocrite?
Hmm, I don't know.
205
00:07:51,869 --> 00:07:53,620
I see some similarities
between the two of you.
206
00:07:54,538 --> 00:07:55,706
That man is not my father.
207
00:07:56,039 --> 00:07:58,500
Well, good thing, 'cause
he might be our killer.
208
00:07:59,460 --> 00:08:01,295
Whaaat? Oh, my God, Ella,
how do you know that?
209
00:08:01,503 --> 00:08:02,337
I'll tell you how
I know that,
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00:08:02,337 --> 00:08:03,589
because our victim
was bald.
211
00:08:03,922 --> 00:08:06,341
It's very hard to
get prints off a body,
212
00:08:06,592 --> 00:08:08,886
so I whipped out
the ultraviolet
213
00:08:09,094 --> 00:08:12,764
alternate light source,
and...boom, complete set
214
00:08:12,973 --> 00:08:14,057
on the victim's noggin.
215
00:08:14,266 --> 00:08:15,934
They match one Earl Johnson,
216
00:08:16,310 --> 00:08:18,312
wealthy oil magnate
from Odessa, Texas.
217
00:08:18,520 --> 00:08:21,607
Huh. It says here his wife
committed him a few months ago
218
00:08:21,857 --> 00:08:23,484
after he gave
all of his money away
219
00:08:23,692 --> 00:08:25,944
and started calling
himself "God."
220
00:08:26,403 --> 00:08:28,822
Mr. Johnson never said that
he touched the victim's body.
221
00:08:29,239 --> 00:08:30,949
Left out the killing
part as well.
222
00:08:31,325 --> 00:08:33,535
And proving he's the killer
is the perfect way
223
00:08:33,744 --> 00:08:35,454
to expose his
false idolatry.
224
00:08:35,787 --> 00:08:36,705
Right, shall we?
225
00:08:36,872 --> 00:08:38,040
No, we shan't.
226
00:08:38,540 --> 00:08:40,167
Because you spoke to him
without permission,
227
00:08:40,459 --> 00:08:42,211
I had to apply
for a special hearing
228
00:08:42,628 --> 00:08:43,545
just to interview him.
229
00:08:43,712 --> 00:08:44,671
That'll take at least
a few days,
230
00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:46,423
so thank you for that.
231
00:08:54,681 --> 00:08:55,682
Hello, there.
232
00:08:55,933 --> 00:08:57,559
I'd like a suite
for the evening, please.
233
00:08:57,768 --> 00:08:58,936
Preferably one with a view.
234
00:08:59,186 --> 00:09:00,229
Are you joking?
235
00:09:00,521 --> 00:09:02,105
This is a psychiatric
hospital.
236
00:09:02,356 --> 00:09:03,857
Apologies,
I'm skipping ahead.
237
00:09:04,024 --> 00:09:08,070
Uh, I am the one and only
Lucifer Morningstar.
238
00:09:09,238 --> 00:09:12,157
The Devil.
Dark Lord?
239
00:09:12,616 --> 00:09:14,701
Oh, for goodness sake,
Beelzebub!
240
00:09:15,369 --> 00:09:17,955
Look, I clearly need to be
committed right away.
241
00:09:17,955 --> 00:09:19,957
Yeah, we're at
near capacity, pal.
242
00:09:20,165 --> 00:09:22,960
So unless you're a danger
to yourself or others...
243
00:09:24,169 --> 00:09:25,712
- How's that?
- Great.
244
00:09:25,921 --> 00:09:27,005
Lovely.
245
00:09:28,674 --> 00:09:31,593
♪ I walked into the kitchen ♪
246
00:09:31,802 --> 00:09:35,180
♪ And I said
"Hey, baby, what's cooking?" ♪
247
00:09:35,389 --> 00:09:37,266
- ♪ Tapatio baked
into the pizzas ♪
- Dammit!
248
00:09:37,474 --> 00:09:40,227
♪ Sometimes steak fajitas... ♪
249
00:09:40,435 --> 00:09:41,270
Who stole my pudding again?
250
00:09:41,728 --> 00:09:42,563
Huh?
251
00:09:43,272 --> 00:09:44,064
Markowitz?
252
00:09:45,357 --> 00:09:46,400
Want a taste?
253
00:09:50,279 --> 00:09:52,155
Don't you have
better things to do
254
00:09:52,364 --> 00:09:53,323
than to raid our fridge?
255
00:09:53,824 --> 00:09:55,576
I was about to leave
this place altogether,
256
00:09:55,826 --> 00:09:57,619
but I hit an
unexpected snag.
257
00:09:59,121 --> 00:10:01,540
Now I need to distract
myself with something.
258
00:10:02,916 --> 00:10:05,377
Hello, something.
259
00:10:07,296 --> 00:10:08,714
You know, just in case
I'm giving off an
260
00:10:08,922 --> 00:10:10,716
"I have zero
self-respect" vibe,
261
00:10:11,466 --> 00:10:12,843
let me make it clear.
262
00:10:13,885 --> 00:10:14,678
Hands off.
263
00:10:14,886 --> 00:10:15,637
(chuckles)
264
00:10:15,846 --> 00:10:17,014
I'd rather sit
at home alone,
265
00:10:17,222 --> 00:10:20,267
and in the dark,
than to hang out with you.
266
00:10:25,522 --> 00:10:26,815
Sassy.
267
00:10:27,316 --> 00:10:28,817
I like it.
268
00:10:31,653 --> 00:10:32,696
Deal me in,
gentlemen.
269
00:10:32,904 --> 00:10:33,530
Oh,
270
00:10:33,739 --> 00:10:34,364
and lady.
271
00:10:34,573 --> 00:10:35,824
Buy in's
ten thousand big ones.
272
00:10:36,033 --> 00:10:38,952
Oh, right, high stakes.
I like it.
273
00:10:39,161 --> 00:10:39,911
Pig farts!
274
00:10:40,871 --> 00:10:41,580
Crash and burn.
275
00:10:41,788 --> 00:10:43,081
Oh, I see, you're one of those.
Right.
276
00:10:43,290 --> 00:10:44,916
- 200.
- MAN: I swear,
277
00:10:45,125 --> 00:10:48,378
I am gonna stab you in
the eye if you do not stop
278
00:10:48,587 --> 00:10:49,796
dealing me crap!
279
00:10:50,839 --> 00:10:51,632
Call.
280
00:10:51,840 --> 00:10:52,466
I'm out.
281
00:10:52,674 --> 00:10:55,636
Um, ten thousand, all in.
282
00:10:56,386 --> 00:10:58,096
- (grunts)
- Fold.
283
00:11:01,099 --> 00:11:02,601
What do you know
about God Johnson?
284
00:11:03,060 --> 00:11:03,935
I like fire.
285
00:11:04,102 --> 00:11:05,187
Right, never mind.
286
00:11:05,687 --> 00:11:06,605
Maybe I can help.
287
00:11:07,147 --> 00:11:10,025
- I did see him perform a miracle.
- Really?
288
00:11:11,985 --> 00:11:13,945
He scored me an extra
Jell-O at snack time.
289
00:11:14,905 --> 00:11:15,697
Shh.
290
00:11:16,323 --> 00:11:17,157
Useless.
291
00:11:17,783 --> 00:11:18,575
Royal flush.
292
00:11:18,784 --> 00:11:20,410
- Cheater!
- Red pubic hair!
293
00:11:20,619 --> 00:11:21,411
Mm-hmm.
294
00:11:23,121 --> 00:11:24,498
DOCTOR:
Billy, what did I tell you
295
00:11:24,706 --> 00:11:26,333
about throwing
your underwear?
296
00:11:27,167 --> 00:11:27,793
They're not mine.
297
00:11:28,001 --> 00:11:29,086
DOCTOR: Really?
'Cause you're naked.
298
00:11:29,294 --> 00:11:31,505
Yes, I'm more of a boxer
briefs guy, but thank you.
299
00:11:31,713 --> 00:11:33,590
Sorry about that.
You must be Lucifer.
300
00:11:33,965 --> 00:11:34,675
I'm Dr. Garrity.
301
00:11:34,883 --> 00:11:35,676
- Oh.
- Yes.
302
00:11:35,926 --> 00:11:36,885
Can we talk later?
303
00:11:37,094 --> 00:11:39,179
I have to get him to
his electroshock treatment.
304
00:11:39,388 --> 00:11:40,305
Really?
305
00:11:40,555 --> 00:11:41,890
- Just kidding.
- Yes.
306
00:11:42,099 --> 00:11:43,684
You, this way. Come.
307
00:11:43,892 --> 00:11:45,769
- Very good.
- Let's go find
you some pants.
308
00:11:48,730 --> 00:11:49,398
Dad.
309
00:11:53,276 --> 00:11:54,319
(sighs)
310
00:12:02,619 --> 00:12:05,247
Aha! Of course,
you're the murderer.
311
00:12:06,289 --> 00:12:07,958
Right,
suppose I should thwart you now.
312
00:12:09,084 --> 00:12:10,627
Off to jail, cowboy.
313
00:12:13,505 --> 00:12:14,631
No, please, I have to save her.
314
00:12:14,840 --> 00:12:16,007
What do you mean, save her?
315
00:12:19,803 --> 00:12:20,679
(exhales)
316
00:12:29,688 --> 00:12:32,149
- (grunts)
- (gasps)
317
00:12:42,659 --> 00:12:44,035
It really is you.
318
00:12:46,830 --> 00:12:49,249
You son of a bitch.
319
00:12:54,045 --> 00:12:55,505
Why the hell would you
get yourself committed?
320
00:12:55,756 --> 00:12:57,591
I did it to help
the investigation.
321
00:12:59,676 --> 00:13:00,427
Hey.
322
00:13:00,969 --> 00:13:01,595
What do you think?
323
00:13:01,803 --> 00:13:02,846
It's a good likeness, isn't it?
324
00:13:03,805 --> 00:13:04,556
That's it, I'm pulling the plug.
325
00:13:04,765 --> 00:13:05,974
- I'm getting you
out of here, now.
- No, no, no, no.
326
00:13:06,224 --> 00:13:07,309
You were the one who said
it would be difficult
327
00:13:07,517 --> 00:13:08,727
to interview
God Johnson.
328
00:13:08,935 --> 00:13:10,145
So, I took
some initiative.
329
00:13:10,312 --> 00:13:11,730
I went undercover.
330
00:13:11,938 --> 00:13:13,899
You must admit having an inside
man could be quite effective.
331
00:13:14,316 --> 00:13:15,400
So, you're doing this
332
00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:16,693
just to help the case?
333
00:13:17,235 --> 00:13:19,446
Well, there may also be
some personal issues
334
00:13:19,654 --> 00:13:20,822
I'd like to explore
with Mr. Johnson.
335
00:13:21,031 --> 00:13:23,492
But yes, the main reason I came
was to prove he's the killer.
336
00:13:23,492 --> 00:13:24,743
Is that why you punched him?
337
00:13:24,910 --> 00:13:26,203
- To force a confession?
- (sighs)
338
00:13:26,411 --> 00:13:28,246
Not exactly,
but he had it coming.
339
00:13:28,872 --> 00:13:30,332
(sighs)
You see, Detective,
340
00:13:30,582 --> 00:13:33,460
it turns out, he may actually be
my father after all.
341
00:13:34,920 --> 00:13:37,464
You've decided that the lead
suspect in this investigation
342
00:13:37,631 --> 00:13:38,423
may be your father?
343
00:13:38,673 --> 00:13:41,259
I know that God Johnson
is not the killer.
344
00:13:41,259 --> 00:13:42,052
And you know that because...
345
00:13:42,219 --> 00:13:43,094
Because
another patient
346
00:13:43,345 --> 00:13:44,638
was attacked last night
347
00:13:44,930 --> 00:13:47,557
and I saw God Johnson heal her.
348
00:13:48,725 --> 00:13:50,727
And here's me being
super-duper helpful:
349
00:13:51,561 --> 00:13:52,312
before the orderlies
350
00:13:52,521 --> 00:13:54,856
took the victim away,
she told me who did attack her.
351
00:13:55,065 --> 00:13:56,066
Great. Who is it?
352
00:13:56,441 --> 00:13:57,734
Santa Claus.
353
00:13:59,820 --> 00:14:00,821
CHLOE:
He's always been...
354
00:14:00,987 --> 00:14:02,739
quirky, but now, he's...
355
00:14:03,156 --> 00:14:04,783
I-I don't know. I'm-I'm
worried about him.
356
00:14:05,283 --> 00:14:06,743
Well, Lucifer certainly is
an interesting case,
357
00:14:06,952 --> 00:14:10,038
but I can't really discuss the,
uh, specifics of his diagnosis.
358
00:14:10,872 --> 00:14:12,833
Now, is he your, um...
359
00:14:13,166 --> 00:14:15,168
uh, fiancé?
I mean, uh, boyfriend?
360
00:14:15,377 --> 00:14:16,211
No.
(chuckles)
361
00:14:16,419 --> 00:14:17,170
Lucifer's a co-worker.
362
00:14:17,379 --> 00:14:19,172
Good, good. Well--
(chuckles)
363
00:14:19,381 --> 00:14:20,006
I'm sorry.
364
00:14:20,215 --> 00:14:22,926
I mean, that's good to know.
That's, um, information,
365
00:14:23,134 --> 00:14:25,053
which is helpful,
'cause it's informative.
366
00:14:25,053 --> 00:14:26,805
Right. Yes,
of course, yes.
367
00:14:27,013 --> 00:14:27,639
NURSE:
Dr. Garrity?
368
00:14:27,848 --> 00:14:28,849
It's time for music therapy.
369
00:14:29,349 --> 00:14:30,392
Thank you,
Nurse Kipsy.
370
00:14:31,017 --> 00:14:31,893
I should get
going anyhow.
371
00:14:32,102 --> 00:14:33,687
Well, listen, um,
if maybe, uh,
372
00:14:33,895 --> 00:14:35,897
if you want to talk some more,
about Lucifer or, uh,
373
00:14:36,106 --> 00:14:39,025
anything else, uh, feel free,
uh, to give me a call.
374
00:14:39,317 --> 00:14:40,527
My cell phone
number's there.
375
00:14:41,528 --> 00:14:42,153
Thank you.
376
00:14:42,362 --> 00:14:43,071
Okay.
377
00:14:43,488 --> 00:14:45,115
(phone rings)
378
00:14:48,201 --> 00:14:49,411
Hey, Maze. What's up?
379
00:15:02,632 --> 00:15:05,176
I'll give you one
chance to apologize.
380
00:15:05,385 --> 00:15:06,469
Apologize?
381
00:15:07,470 --> 00:15:08,555
You punched me.
382
00:15:09,723 --> 00:15:11,099
Tell you
what I can do:
383
00:15:11,975 --> 00:15:13,184
I can forgive you.
384
00:15:13,435 --> 00:15:16,271
(laughs) Taking the
high ground, are we?
385
00:15:16,479 --> 00:15:17,689
Magnificent.
386
00:15:18,732 --> 00:15:20,525
Well, I may have struck
the latest blow,
387
00:15:20,734 --> 00:15:24,696
but that is only in response to
the litany of offenses that you,
388
00:15:25,655 --> 00:15:28,158
dear old Dad, have
bestowed upon me.
389
00:15:29,242 --> 00:15:31,453
So you believe me? Good.
390
00:15:32,954 --> 00:15:34,748
Tell me, just what is it
you think I've done?
391
00:15:34,956 --> 00:15:37,250
Oh, we're going there, are we?
Right, let's see.
392
00:15:37,500 --> 00:15:40,295
Um, casting me into Hell
for eternity
393
00:15:40,503 --> 00:15:42,505
because you haven't got the
balls to get your own cowardly
394
00:15:42,714 --> 00:15:44,007
hands dirty.
395
00:15:44,382 --> 00:15:46,134
Manipulating me
with the detective,
396
00:15:46,343 --> 00:15:47,969
giving me the illusion
of control.
397
00:15:48,178 --> 00:15:49,095
You are a...
398
00:15:49,304 --> 00:15:51,348
patronizing, sinister,
399
00:15:52,057 --> 00:15:53,141
helicopter parent!
400
00:15:53,350 --> 00:15:55,769
So you think
you have no free will.
401
00:15:56,436 --> 00:15:58,605
Every bad thing that's happened
throughout eternity
402
00:15:58,813 --> 00:16:01,274
is your doing, not mine!
403
00:16:01,900 --> 00:16:03,401
It's all part of "God's Plan."
404
00:16:03,985 --> 00:16:04,903
Even Mum's coming here
405
00:16:05,111 --> 00:16:07,030
and manipulation of me
was part of it.
406
00:16:07,489 --> 00:16:08,823
- Your mother's here?
- Oh!
407
00:16:09,032 --> 00:16:10,158
Look who cares now.
408
00:16:10,825 --> 00:16:11,743
Oh, my.
409
00:16:14,287 --> 00:16:15,622
Oh, well, that is something.
410
00:16:17,832 --> 00:16:19,834
I still remember
the first moment we met.
411
00:16:21,127 --> 00:16:25,423
Mmm. There was nothing,
just darkness and...
412
00:16:26,591 --> 00:16:29,344
...then she appeared.
(chuckles softly)
413
00:16:30,762 --> 00:16:33,181
It did not take long for us
to light up the universe.
414
00:16:33,390 --> 00:16:36,309
Much as I'm enjoying this trip
down memory lane,
415
00:16:37,018 --> 00:16:39,312
I want an apology-- nay.
416
00:16:39,896 --> 00:16:41,982
Nay, I demand penance.
417
00:16:42,190 --> 00:16:44,526
You must atone
for what you've done.
418
00:16:44,734 --> 00:16:45,694
(eyes crackle)
419
00:16:46,152 --> 00:16:48,279
Now, that's not the Samael
I remember.
420
00:16:48,571 --> 00:16:49,322
No.
421
00:16:50,031 --> 00:16:53,994
No, Dad, this is who you made me
when you cast me away!
422
00:16:54,703 --> 00:16:55,662
Now apologize!
423
00:16:55,912 --> 00:16:56,871
(door opens)
424
00:16:57,706 --> 00:16:58,665
LINDA:
Uh, Lucifer?
425
00:17:02,877 --> 00:17:04,462
MAZE:
Guy sounds like
he wants to bang.
426
00:17:04,838 --> 00:17:05,922
CHLOE (on phone):
He's Lucifer's doctor, Maze.
427
00:17:06,131 --> 00:17:06,756
MAZE:
So what?
428
00:17:06,965 --> 00:17:08,258
Doctors don't want to get laid?
429
00:17:08,466 --> 00:17:10,427
Does everything always have to
be about sex with you?
430
00:17:10,635 --> 00:17:11,636
Yeah.
431
00:17:11,845 --> 00:17:13,054
He was just trying
to be helpful.
432
00:17:13,888 --> 00:17:15,265
We should invite him
on the booze cruise.
433
00:17:15,473 --> 00:17:16,516
What booze cruise?
434
00:17:16,725 --> 00:17:18,643
Tonight.
I had a friend set up a yacht.
435
00:17:19,019 --> 00:17:20,645
You know,
it'll be like a hip-hop video.
436
00:17:20,854 --> 00:17:22,647
You said you wanted to expand
our circle of friends.
437
00:17:22,856 --> 00:17:24,232
That's not what I meant at all.
438
00:17:24,482 --> 00:17:25,859
Oh.
439
00:17:26,568 --> 00:17:28,945
You want to ride solo
with Dr. McHotty.
440
00:17:29,279 --> 00:17:30,530
I can get behind that.
441
00:17:30,905 --> 00:17:32,323
Or on top, dealer's choice.
442
00:17:32,532 --> 00:17:34,034
(laughs) I'm kidding.
443
00:17:34,242 --> 00:17:35,535
Okay, I'll set it all up.
444
00:17:35,744 --> 00:17:39,039
You won't have to lift a finger.
Let me help you.
445
00:17:39,247 --> 00:17:41,124
I don't want, nor need,
your help
446
00:17:41,332 --> 00:17:42,500
with setting up a date.
I'm good.
447
00:17:42,709 --> 00:17:43,460
Why not?
448
00:17:43,668 --> 00:17:46,463
You and I are flowing, Chlo.
Same page.
449
00:17:46,671 --> 00:17:48,757
Nope.
Different books altogether.
450
00:17:48,965 --> 00:17:50,133
You crack me up, Decker.
451
00:17:50,508 --> 00:17:55,346
("If God Was One of Us" playing)
452
00:17:55,889 --> 00:17:59,768
ELLA (singing along):
♪ What if God was one of us? ♪
453
00:18:01,394 --> 00:18:05,648
♪ Just a slob like one of us ♪
454
00:18:06,941 --> 00:18:07,901
♪ Just a stra-- ♪
455
00:18:08,109 --> 00:18:11,196
Oh, my God, Chloe,
this song is so good.
456
00:18:11,404 --> 00:18:13,990
Yeah, yeah. People seemed
to really like it...
457
00:18:14,199 --> 00:18:15,241
in 1995.
458
00:18:15,450 --> 00:18:16,743
Oh, my God, and
the music video.
459
00:18:16,951 --> 00:18:18,369
- Uh...
- Oh.
- (music stops)
460
00:18:18,578 --> 00:18:19,370
What's going on?
461
00:18:19,621 --> 00:18:21,331
So, um, by chance,
462
00:18:21,831 --> 00:18:24,084
have you found
any evidence
463
00:18:24,292 --> 00:18:26,586
pointing to, um...
464
00:18:27,253 --> 00:18:28,046
Santa Claus?
465
00:18:29,005 --> 00:18:31,257
I was gonna ask you
the exact same thing.
466
00:18:31,466 --> 00:18:32,300
- Really?
- Yes.
467
00:18:33,802 --> 00:18:34,844
Long white hair.
468
00:18:35,261 --> 00:18:36,387
Found it on the
victim's clothes.
469
00:18:36,596 --> 00:18:39,182
Wasn't sure what it was, but
yeah, totally screams Santa.
470
00:18:40,141 --> 00:18:41,810
I'll have it
tested ASAP.
471
00:18:42,018 --> 00:18:43,812
I could see if
you're mentally troubled,
472
00:18:44,020 --> 00:18:46,481
you see someone with long
white hair commit a crime,
473
00:18:46,689 --> 00:18:48,066
you could call him
Santa Claus.
474
00:18:48,650 --> 00:18:49,818
- Right?
- (pages turning)
475
00:18:51,861 --> 00:18:53,029
Kind of like this guy.
476
00:18:55,156 --> 00:18:56,074
ELLA:
Uh, yeah.
477
00:18:56,241 --> 00:18:58,660
Dude looks exactly like
the creepy drunk Santa
478
00:18:58,868 --> 00:18:59,953
at the mall when
I was a kid.
479
00:19:00,161 --> 00:19:02,997
Too bad setting up an interview
would take forever...
480
00:19:04,040 --> 00:19:05,542
without a doctor's permission.
481
00:19:06,126 --> 00:19:06,918
Ooh.
482
00:19:07,335 --> 00:19:09,587
A doctor's permission...
483
00:19:12,257 --> 00:19:12,882
Yeah?
484
00:19:13,341 --> 00:19:14,300
Hey, Maze.
485
00:19:15,468 --> 00:19:16,845
You still want to help me?
486
00:19:17,512 --> 00:19:18,138
(Linda exhales sharply)
487
00:19:18,346 --> 00:19:20,348
Okay, so that was "God" God
back there?
488
00:19:20,557 --> 00:19:21,558
As in capital "G"?
489
00:19:21,766 --> 00:19:22,934
I didn't bow.
I should have bowed.
490
00:19:23,143 --> 00:19:24,269
You should have spit
in His face.
491
00:19:24,477 --> 00:19:25,478
Yeah, I'm not gonna do that.
492
00:19:25,687 --> 00:19:26,688
Then you're no use to me,
Doctor.
493
00:19:26,896 --> 00:19:28,106
What on earth
are you doing here anyway?
494
00:19:28,314 --> 00:19:30,483
Chloe sent me to check on you
because she was worried.
495
00:19:30,692 --> 00:19:31,985
(sighs)
But now, I'm worried.
496
00:19:32,193 --> 00:19:32,986
Please tell me
you're not still planning on
497
00:19:33,194 --> 00:19:34,821
having your mom and God
destroy each other.
498
00:19:35,071 --> 00:19:36,906
Don't be silly.
That plan won't work anymore.
499
00:19:37,115 --> 00:19:38,950
Oh. Oh, good.
Maybe I should've curtsied.
500
00:19:39,159 --> 00:19:40,618
Unfortunately,
Dad seems to be soft on Mum.
501
00:19:40,827 --> 00:19:42,412
Like he still has feelings
for her.
502
00:19:42,620 --> 00:19:45,415
(gasps)Which gives me
another way to punish them,
503
00:19:45,623 --> 00:19:47,417
far more tortuous than death.
504
00:19:47,625 --> 00:19:48,543
And we're back to "not good."
505
00:19:48,751 --> 00:19:50,628
No, no, no, no, this is better.
506
00:19:50,837 --> 00:19:53,673
And you, my dear doctor,
are going to help me. (laughs)
507
00:20:02,140 --> 00:20:03,725
LUCIFER: Okay,
you've all been chosen
508
00:20:03,933 --> 00:20:06,102
to help with
a very special mission called
509
00:20:06,352 --> 00:20:08,354
"Operation Help Lucifer
Escape from the Hospital."
510
00:20:08,563 --> 00:20:10,440
Mm, that's a little
on the nose, son.
511
00:20:10,648 --> 00:20:12,400
You are literally the judgiest
person in the universe.
512
00:20:12,609 --> 00:20:13,484
You know that, Dad?
513
00:20:13,693 --> 00:20:14,360
PETE:
Escape?
514
00:20:14,569 --> 00:20:15,945
But we get pudding here.
515
00:20:16,446 --> 00:20:18,740
Oh, look,
I know the puddings are good,
516
00:20:18,948 --> 00:20:20,658
but there must be more
that you all desire.
517
00:20:20,909 --> 00:20:22,202
I mean, come on, Pete.
518
00:20:22,452 --> 00:20:23,620
I know desserts
aren't the only thing
519
00:20:23,870 --> 00:20:25,830
that tickle your fancy,
are they? Hmm?
520
00:20:26,039 --> 00:20:27,498
I do want to watch it all burn.
521
00:20:27,707 --> 00:20:28,833
Right.
522
00:20:28,833 --> 00:20:30,460
- (lighter flicks open)
- Then fire away.
523
00:20:30,668 --> 00:20:31,753
Oh...
524
00:20:31,961 --> 00:20:33,004
Go, go, go, go, go.
525
00:20:33,213 --> 00:20:33,838
Right.
526
00:20:34,047 --> 00:20:36,674
I want to turn the lights on...
and off.
527
00:20:36,883 --> 00:20:37,926
Good! Go!
528
00:20:37,926 --> 00:20:38,676
I love a good rave.
529
00:20:38,885 --> 00:20:39,510
Who's next?
530
00:20:39,719 --> 00:20:40,803
I want to throw
underwear at heads.
531
00:20:41,012 --> 00:20:43,306
Laundry room! Right?
Go forth, people. Come on.
532
00:20:43,514 --> 00:20:44,557
Liberate yourselves.
533
00:20:45,350 --> 00:20:46,726
Play to your strengths.
534
00:20:47,227 --> 00:20:48,978
So this is your big plan
for busting us out of here.
535
00:20:49,395 --> 00:20:51,397
Encouraging a man
to steal underwear?
536
00:20:51,606 --> 00:20:53,107
No, no. That was just for fun.
537
00:20:53,316 --> 00:20:54,734
(alarm ringing)
538
00:20:54,734 --> 00:20:56,778
That is how we're gonna
escape from here.
539
00:20:58,404 --> 00:20:59,322
Come on.
540
00:20:59,530 --> 00:21:01,741
(alarm continues ringing)
541
00:21:01,950 --> 00:21:03,952
(shouting in distance)
542
00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:08,122
♪ I live in a nameless town ♪
543
00:21:09,415 --> 00:21:11,000
♪ In a black out ♪
544
00:21:17,757 --> 00:21:22,136
♪ Many friends
have said good-bye ♪
545
00:21:22,887 --> 00:21:27,684
♪ Paraded out
in one proud line ♪
546
00:21:28,351 --> 00:21:33,273
♪ I say they all
just lost their minds ♪
547
00:21:42,323 --> 00:21:47,203
♪ Midnight where we used
to dance ♪
548
00:21:47,787 --> 00:21:52,250
♪ Underneath
the ugly halogen lamps ♪
549
00:21:53,209 --> 00:21:57,672
♪ Oh, it all went away
so fast ♪
550
00:21:58,381 --> 00:22:00,967
♪ In a black out... ♪
551
00:22:01,175 --> 00:22:02,927
(alarm continues ringing,
shouting)
552
00:22:08,891 --> 00:22:11,019
All right.
It was a pretty good plan.
553
00:22:13,313 --> 00:22:14,063
Thank you.
554
00:22:14,814 --> 00:22:15,982
You've got a, um...
555
00:22:16,190 --> 00:22:16,858
Hmm?
556
00:22:17,066 --> 00:22:18,484
(sighs)
It's just... come here.
557
00:22:19,027 --> 00:22:19,652
(beeping)
558
00:22:19,861 --> 00:22:20,903
(lock clicks)
559
00:22:21,112 --> 00:22:21,863
Ah, right.
560
00:22:22,071 --> 00:22:24,282
Uh, Linda, Dad.
Dad, Linda.
561
00:22:25,366 --> 00:22:27,618
A handshake'll do,
my beautiful child.
562
00:22:27,827 --> 00:22:29,162
- (distant sirens wailing)
- Okay.
563
00:22:29,412 --> 00:22:31,247
Right, are we finished?
Come on, let's get a wriggle on.
564
00:22:31,622 --> 00:22:32,332
Let's go.
565
00:22:38,004 --> 00:22:38,629
(groans)
566
00:22:38,838 --> 00:22:41,215
I've seen your mom dress
sluttier than this.
567
00:22:42,383 --> 00:22:44,177
Okay, Maze,
this is an interrogation
568
00:22:44,385 --> 00:22:45,762
disguised as a casual dinner.
569
00:22:45,970 --> 00:22:46,888
There's no need
to get dolled up.
570
00:22:47,096 --> 00:22:49,390
Please don't tell me you made
reservations at somewhere fancy.
571
00:22:49,599 --> 00:22:51,184
Opposite of fancy.
572
00:22:51,559 --> 00:22:52,310
It's here.
573
00:22:53,853 --> 00:22:55,355
Here. Why?
574
00:22:56,356 --> 00:22:57,440
Well, duh, your bedroom's here.
575
00:22:57,648 --> 00:22:58,566
Where else
are we gonna have sex?
576
00:22:58,775 --> 00:23:01,986
(sighs) For the last time, Maze,
we're not having a threesome.
577
00:23:02,570 --> 00:23:03,654
I'm okay to watch.
578
00:23:03,863 --> 00:23:05,740
- (knocking on door)
- Showtime.
579
00:23:11,496 --> 00:23:13,289
Oh, an orgy?
Definitely off the table.
580
00:23:22,006 --> 00:23:22,882
Lucifer?
581
00:23:27,595 --> 00:23:29,389
What is it you wanted
to show me?
582
00:23:32,392 --> 00:23:33,184
(scoffs)
583
00:23:37,939 --> 00:23:40,650
("True" by Spandau Ballet
begins playing)
584
00:23:48,449 --> 00:23:52,120
♪ Huh, huh, huh, hu-uh, huh... ♪
585
00:23:58,000 --> 00:23:59,043
Well, now.
586
00:24:01,087 --> 00:24:04,715
You are as radiant as
the moment we first met.
587
00:24:06,008 --> 00:24:07,969
Explain to me what's
going on, please.
588
00:24:08,177 --> 00:24:10,721
I'm trying to recreate
their first date.
589
00:24:10,930 --> 00:24:13,433
You're... what? Wait.
590
00:24:13,641 --> 00:24:17,478
You're trying to Parent Trap
God and the Divine Goddess?
591
00:24:17,687 --> 00:24:19,564
What? It worked in the movie.
592
00:24:19,730 --> 00:24:21,232
Don't you see?
With Dad here on Earth,
593
00:24:21,399 --> 00:24:22,608
I don't need the Flaming Sword
594
00:24:22,859 --> 00:24:24,986
or a trip to Heaven
to exact my revenge.
595
00:24:25,194 --> 00:24:28,281
Okay, but how is having them
fall in love again revenge?
596
00:24:28,489 --> 00:24:31,325
Oh, trust me, Doctor, after
a brief re-honeymoon period,
597
00:24:31,534 --> 00:24:33,953
they'll start torturing each
other like they always do.
598
00:24:34,162 --> 00:24:35,455
(laughs)
599
00:24:35,663 --> 00:24:38,040
Mum and Dad together
are their own worst punishment.
600
00:24:38,207 --> 00:24:39,125
It's genius.
601
00:24:39,333 --> 00:24:40,168
(chuckles)
602
00:24:40,376 --> 00:24:41,419
Do I know you?
603
00:24:41,878 --> 00:24:43,421
Only since the beginning
of time.
604
00:24:44,005 --> 00:24:44,922
What is this?
605
00:24:45,715 --> 00:24:46,507
Where's Lucifer?
606
00:24:46,716 --> 00:24:47,800
Aw, who knows.
607
00:24:48,509 --> 00:24:50,511
That son of ours
is unpredictable,
608
00:24:50,720 --> 00:24:51,721
to say the least.
609
00:24:52,680 --> 00:24:54,891
♪ Huh, huh, huh, hu-uh, huh... ♪
610
00:24:55,099 --> 00:24:56,017
Husband?
611
00:24:56,976 --> 00:24:58,352
Is this really you?
612
00:24:59,020 --> 00:25:00,229
In the flesh.
613
00:25:00,438 --> 00:25:02,648
♪ I know this much is true ♪
614
00:25:05,401 --> 00:25:06,360
(grunts)
615
00:25:06,527 --> 00:25:08,988
Oh! God...
616
00:25:09,197 --> 00:25:11,574
You put me in Hell, you bastard.
617
00:25:12,074 --> 00:25:12,783
(moans)
618
00:25:14,702 --> 00:25:16,162
- ♪ This much is true ♪
- Ow.
619
00:25:17,038 --> 00:25:18,664
♪ This much is true. ♪
620
00:25:22,585 --> 00:25:23,669
Uh, it's a great pizza.
621
00:25:23,878 --> 00:25:26,047
Uh, never tried pineapple
and jalapeño before.
622
00:25:26,255 --> 00:25:27,548
Yes, I know.
623
00:25:27,757 --> 00:25:29,842
Uh, Maze has very
eccentric tastes.
624
00:25:30,051 --> 00:25:31,344
I would, I would've
made something
625
00:25:31,552 --> 00:25:32,470
if I had notice.
626
00:25:32,678 --> 00:25:34,055
You know. Any notice.
627
00:25:34,263 --> 00:25:35,348
No, no. I-It's great.
628
00:25:35,556 --> 00:25:36,891
You know, I like
trying new things.
629
00:25:37,308 --> 00:25:38,893
- Meeting new people.
- Are you gonna eat that?
630
00:25:40,770 --> 00:25:41,854
N-No. No.
631
00:25:44,524 --> 00:25:47,568
So, um, Maze.
Uh, where are you from?
632
00:25:47,777 --> 00:25:48,611
Hell.
633
00:25:49,612 --> 00:25:52,323
By the way, I changed
the sheets on Decker's bed.
634
00:25:52,532 --> 00:25:53,157
She's good to go.
635
00:25:53,366 --> 00:25:54,116
Okay.
636
00:25:55,076 --> 00:25:57,453
Excuse me. Maze,
can I speak to you for a second?
637
00:25:58,496 --> 00:25:59,205
(clears throat)
638
00:25:59,413 --> 00:26:01,791
Oh. (chuckles nervously)
639
00:26:05,586 --> 00:26:06,754
I like the shape of your head.
640
00:26:07,255 --> 00:26:08,339
CHLOE:
What the hell are you doing?
641
00:26:08,839 --> 00:26:09,757
I'm not Lucifer.
642
00:26:09,924 --> 00:26:11,384
I don't need what he needs.
643
00:26:11,592 --> 00:26:12,927
What I need is a friend.
644
00:26:13,719 --> 00:26:15,012
You want your privacy.
645
00:26:15,680 --> 00:26:16,806
Gotcha, Decker.
646
00:26:17,723 --> 00:26:18,724
Psst.
647
00:26:22,687 --> 00:26:24,021
(exhales)
648
00:26:26,107 --> 00:26:27,733
Excuse my roommate. Sh...
649
00:26:27,984 --> 00:26:30,236
No, that's, uh, it's nothing
compared to the, uh,
650
00:26:30,444 --> 00:26:31,988
intriguing folks
I deal with at work.
651
00:26:32,196 --> 00:26:35,449
I can imagine. I-I actually
would love to hear about that.
652
00:26:38,619 --> 00:26:40,246
Why are you here?
653
00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:44,834
I wasn't planning on having
sex with you again, but...
654
00:26:45,209 --> 00:26:46,460
Whatever, right?
655
00:26:46,669 --> 00:26:48,170
At least someone's getting laid.
656
00:26:50,506 --> 00:26:52,133
I'm not here for sex, Maze.
657
00:26:53,301 --> 00:26:54,885
Okay. Then, what?
658
00:26:56,637 --> 00:26:58,180
I just...
659
00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:02,268
There's not much time
before we're gone.
660
00:27:03,311 --> 00:27:05,104
What, are you going
on a vacation?
661
00:27:05,563 --> 00:27:07,648
I'm not sure I'd call what
Lucifer, Mom and I are doing
662
00:27:07,857 --> 00:27:10,067
going on a vacation, but...
663
00:27:12,028 --> 00:27:12,820
(sighs)
664
00:27:14,530 --> 00:27:15,781
Lucifer didn't tell you.
665
00:27:17,366 --> 00:27:18,659
Tell me what?
666
00:27:22,622 --> 00:27:25,416
I told you never
to lie to me again, Amenadiel.
667
00:27:27,335 --> 00:27:28,544
Tell me what?
668
00:27:31,005 --> 00:27:32,548
We're all going back to Heaven.
669
00:27:39,764 --> 00:27:42,516
So tell me, how, how do you
have your job and stay sane?
670
00:27:42,725 --> 00:27:44,226
(exhaling):
Oh, uh...
671
00:27:44,435 --> 00:27:45,728
Years of practice, um...
672
00:27:46,103 --> 00:27:47,521
Drugs. Mostly drugs.
673
00:27:47,730 --> 00:27:49,065
- Mm.
- (laughs)
674
00:27:49,273 --> 00:27:50,900
But, um, but, seriously,
um, I just...
675
00:27:51,150 --> 00:27:52,401
I try and see
beneath the DSM.
676
00:27:52,610 --> 00:27:55,029
Try to remember that
each one of them is a person.
677
00:27:55,237 --> 00:27:58,991
Yeah. I, uh, I saw this older
gentleman the other day.
678
00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:01,535
Uh, long white hair.
White beard.
679
00:28:01,744 --> 00:28:03,412
He reminded me of
my crazy Uncle Al.
680
00:28:03,621 --> 00:28:05,414
- You must be talking about Dale.
- Yeah, what's his deal?
681
00:28:05,623 --> 00:28:07,458
Is he one of the violent ones?
682
00:28:10,002 --> 00:28:10,836
Um...
683
00:28:11,128 --> 00:28:11,921
Uh...
684
00:28:12,797 --> 00:28:16,467
Um, what kind of civil servant
are you, exactly?
685
00:28:16,676 --> 00:28:17,843
(phone chimes)
686
00:28:19,553 --> 00:28:22,932
Wow. Well, this evening
just got even more interesting.
687
00:28:23,349 --> 00:28:25,768
Apparently, your co-worker,
Lucifer, just escaped
688
00:28:25,976 --> 00:28:28,521
and took God Johnson with him.
689
00:28:36,487 --> 00:28:38,197
What's he doing here, Lucifer?
690
00:28:38,364 --> 00:28:40,074
I don't know. You married him.
691
00:28:40,282 --> 00:28:42,535
Well, it kind of ruins our plans
to storm the Gates of Heaven
692
00:28:42,743 --> 00:28:43,953
and destroy him.
693
00:28:44,161 --> 00:28:46,664
Well, I'm thinking we might
not need to do that anymore.
694
00:28:47,123 --> 00:28:49,417
I will never forgive him, if
that's what you're getting at.
695
00:28:49,625 --> 00:28:50,876
The point is, Mum,
696
00:28:51,127 --> 00:28:55,256
that I think Dad...
sincerely misses you.
697
00:28:55,965 --> 00:28:56,841
(scoffs)
698
00:28:57,425 --> 00:28:58,759
Well, of course I do.
How could I not?
699
00:29:00,302 --> 00:29:01,095
Look at you.
700
00:29:02,763 --> 00:29:04,515
An absolute vision.
701
00:29:05,307 --> 00:29:06,392
Glowing, even now.
702
00:29:06,642 --> 00:29:08,519
Oh, you have no idea.
703
00:29:08,728 --> 00:29:09,395
(laughs softly)
704
00:29:09,729 --> 00:29:11,522
I'm just gonna... Doctor.
705
00:29:12,022 --> 00:29:14,358
For the life of me, I can't even
remember why we were fighting.
706
00:29:14,567 --> 00:29:16,610
The flames? Eternal damnation?
707
00:29:16,819 --> 00:29:18,529
The... Kind of hard to forget.
708
00:29:18,821 --> 00:29:21,490
JOHNSON: I am so sorry
that you suffered.
709
00:29:21,699 --> 00:29:24,827
Well, I su... suppose
I should apologize
710
00:29:25,035 --> 00:29:27,329
for trying to destroy
your precious toy
711
00:29:27,538 --> 00:29:30,708
with floods and
with plagues and whatnot.
712
00:29:31,792 --> 00:29:33,669
I guess humanity
isn't entirely awful.
713
00:29:33,878 --> 00:29:35,171
They did make vodka.
714
00:29:36,172 --> 00:29:37,339
Roller coasters.
715
00:29:37,965 --> 00:29:39,091
Triple crème Brie.
716
00:29:41,761 --> 00:29:42,720
You hear about dancing?
717
00:29:42,928 --> 00:29:45,723
Yes, I actually did some of that
on a table, once.
718
00:29:46,474 --> 00:29:49,059
("Can't Take My Eyes
Off Of You" begins playing)
719
00:29:52,897 --> 00:29:54,190
Would you do me this honor?
720
00:30:00,946 --> 00:30:04,325
♪ You're just too good
to be true ♪
721
00:30:04,909 --> 00:30:08,078
♪ Can't take my eyes
off of you ♪
722
00:30:08,704 --> 00:30:12,208
♪ You'd be like heaven
to touch... ♪
723
00:30:13,417 --> 00:30:16,128
You sure it's revenge
you're after?
724
00:30:16,837 --> 00:30:18,923
Of course it is.
What else would it be?
725
00:30:20,424 --> 00:30:23,761
♪ And I'm so glad I'm alive ♪
726
00:30:24,303 --> 00:30:27,598
♪ You're just too good
to be true ♪
727
00:30:28,557 --> 00:30:29,767
What's the matter?
728
00:30:30,434 --> 00:30:31,519
This.
729
00:30:31,727 --> 00:30:33,354
I didn't think
this was possible.
730
00:30:33,938 --> 00:30:35,147
It wasn't part of the plan.
731
00:30:35,356 --> 00:30:36,482
So, maybe...
732
00:30:37,858 --> 00:30:39,485
maybe we make a new plan.
733
00:30:40,820 --> 00:30:42,947
This time, we make it together.
734
00:30:44,949 --> 00:30:47,368
♪ I love you, baby ♪
735
00:30:47,576 --> 00:30:49,245
♪ And if it's quite all right ♪
736
00:30:49,453 --> 00:30:51,330
♪ I need you, baby ♪
737
00:30:51,539 --> 00:30:53,249
♪ To warm the lonely nights ♪
738
00:30:53,457 --> 00:30:55,417
♪ I love you, baby ♪
739
00:30:56,001 --> 00:30:57,545
- ♪ Trust in me when I say ♪
- (door opens)
740
00:30:57,753 --> 00:30:58,671
Lucifer!
741
00:30:59,255 --> 00:31:00,464
Detective!
742
00:31:01,382 --> 00:31:02,258
Seriously?
743
00:31:03,217 --> 00:31:04,844
♪ Don't bring me down, I pray ♪
744
00:31:05,010 --> 00:31:06,011
♪ Oh, pretty baby ♪
745
00:31:06,178 --> 00:31:07,179
Okay, outside now.
746
00:31:07,388 --> 00:31:08,472
♪ Now that I've found you stay ♪
747
00:31:08,681 --> 00:31:11,851
♪ And let me love you. ♪
748
00:31:12,059 --> 00:31:13,185
CHLOE:
First you check yourself
749
00:31:13,602 --> 00:31:14,854
into a mental hospital,
750
00:31:15,062 --> 00:31:18,023
only to kidnap another
patient and escape.
751
00:31:18,649 --> 00:31:19,984
Lucifer, how is that helping?
752
00:31:20,526 --> 00:31:22,486
Well, i-if you must know,
753
00:31:22,736 --> 00:31:24,905
God Johnson is
indeed my father,
754
00:31:25,739 --> 00:31:27,533
and, uh, I needed to do
a little matchmaking.
755
00:31:27,741 --> 00:31:29,076
(sighs)
756
00:31:29,326 --> 00:31:31,203
With him and
Charlotte Richards?
757
00:31:31,620 --> 00:31:33,497
I mean, I'm scared to know
how she ties into all this.
758
00:31:33,664 --> 00:31:36,542
Well, never mind that.
What about our killer?
759
00:31:36,750 --> 00:31:38,711
Hmm? Did you find
proof of Santa Claus?
760
00:31:38,919 --> 00:31:39,837
Time for your meds.
761
00:31:40,004 --> 00:31:41,213
Ooh, lovely.
762
00:31:42,006 --> 00:31:43,841
Thank you. Right.
763
00:31:44,049 --> 00:31:45,843
Unexpected perk of the place.
(chuckles)
764
00:31:46,468 --> 00:31:47,094
Maybe it's a good thing
765
00:31:47,303 --> 00:31:50,431
there's another day
on your 72-hour hold. You know?
766
00:31:50,890 --> 00:31:52,933
Maybe being here is the best
thing for you right now.
767
00:31:53,142 --> 00:31:53,893
Okay.
768
00:31:59,356 --> 00:32:00,524
(knocking on door)
769
00:32:02,151 --> 00:32:03,319
Hey.
770
00:32:04,361 --> 00:32:05,195
I just wanted to say
771
00:32:05,404 --> 00:32:06,655
that I'm sorry I lied.
772
00:32:08,991 --> 00:32:10,159
I, um...
773
00:32:12,745 --> 00:32:13,704
Sometimes with work,
774
00:32:13,913 --> 00:32:14,955
I get shortsighted.
775
00:32:15,456 --> 00:32:17,291
And I never wanted to...
776
00:32:17,499 --> 00:32:18,459
Use me?
777
00:32:21,337 --> 00:32:22,129
(quietly):
Yeah.
778
00:32:25,591 --> 00:32:26,967
If you had just been
up-front with me,
779
00:32:27,259 --> 00:32:29,720
I would've told you that Dale,
the guy you were asking about,
780
00:32:29,929 --> 00:32:31,388
he's been here for 15 years.
781
00:32:32,348 --> 00:32:35,768
Yeah, he can seem a bit prickly,
but he's a teddy bear.
782
00:32:36,018 --> 00:32:37,728
He's got no
violent tendencies.
783
00:32:37,895 --> 00:32:40,022
There is just no way
he'd kill someone.
784
00:32:40,230 --> 00:32:40,856
All right.
785
00:32:41,065 --> 00:32:45,778
Legally, I can't let you
look at Dale's medical file.
786
00:32:46,820 --> 00:32:48,072
But, um...
787
00:32:49,239 --> 00:32:51,617
what happens
when I turn away is, um,
788
00:32:52,409 --> 00:32:53,202
out of my hands.
789
00:32:54,828 --> 00:32:55,496
Thank you.
790
00:32:56,664 --> 00:32:57,831
(quietly): Yeah.
791
00:32:58,040 --> 00:33:01,835
Ooh, look, a Nigerian prince
needs my help.
792
00:33:02,378 --> 00:33:03,337
Wow.
793
00:33:05,047 --> 00:33:05,965
Thanks.
794
00:33:10,552 --> 00:33:11,887
Santa Claus?
795
00:33:13,138 --> 00:33:14,056
Okay, so what's the big deal?
796
00:33:14,264 --> 00:33:15,641
Someone dresses up
as Santa every year.
797
00:33:15,849 --> 00:33:16,475
Patients love it.
798
00:33:16,684 --> 00:33:17,810
Yeah, well, that someone
could be the killer.
799
00:33:18,018 --> 00:33:19,186
But a different person
does it every year.
800
00:33:19,395 --> 00:33:21,146
Even I did it a
few years back.
801
00:33:21,355 --> 00:33:23,399
Okay, we store the,
uh, costume in here.
802
00:33:27,319 --> 00:33:28,153
Wait, wait, wait.
803
00:33:29,279 --> 00:33:30,239
(clears throat)
804
00:33:38,163 --> 00:33:39,873
Where's the beard?
The red hat?
805
00:33:40,082 --> 00:33:41,792
- It should be in there.
- Okay, two things.
806
00:33:42,126 --> 00:33:44,628
Who else has a key
to that cabinet? And...
807
00:33:45,921 --> 00:33:47,131
...I need you
to put these on.
808
00:33:47,339 --> 00:33:49,758
Ooh, ooh.
809
00:33:50,509 --> 00:33:52,302
These drugs are a bit different,
aren't they?
810
00:33:52,511 --> 00:33:55,264
'Cause I can't feel my tongue.
811
00:33:55,556 --> 00:33:58,767
Oh. Hello, pretty kitty,
812
00:33:58,976 --> 00:34:01,645
kitty, kitty, kitty...
813
00:34:01,854 --> 00:34:04,690
Santa, you're here as well?
814
00:34:05,274 --> 00:34:07,651
Oh, I'm afraid
I've been a naughty boy.
815
00:34:08,110 --> 00:34:08,902
(grunts)
816
00:34:14,825 --> 00:34:16,076
LUCIFER:
You may want to rethink this.
817
00:34:16,285 --> 00:34:18,579
You see,
I am actually the Devil.
818
00:34:19,038 --> 00:34:20,456
(distorted):
No, you're not the Devil.
819
00:34:21,040 --> 00:34:23,500
You're just a man who's
delusional in a mental hospital.
820
00:34:23,751 --> 00:34:24,960
You made it all up.
821
00:34:25,294 --> 00:34:26,003
So...
822
00:34:27,171 --> 00:34:28,380
...I'm not the Devil.
823
00:34:28,922 --> 00:34:31,133
I'm just a man who's delusional.
824
00:34:31,800 --> 00:34:32,843
I made it all up.
825
00:34:33,177 --> 00:34:34,970
I made it all up!
826
00:34:35,804 --> 00:34:38,265
I made it all up.
(chuckles)
827
00:34:40,392 --> 00:34:41,560
Hello, son.
828
00:34:42,352 --> 00:34:43,687
Dad!
829
00:34:44,063 --> 00:34:45,898
See? I am the Devil.
830
00:34:46,106 --> 00:34:47,775
Nice try, Santa.
831
00:34:47,983 --> 00:34:48,817
(chuckles)
832
00:34:49,026 --> 00:34:51,820
- Tell me what you told
the police.
- Only the truth.
833
00:34:52,029 --> 00:34:55,866
That you, Mr. Kringle,
are a cold-blooded killer.
834
00:34:56,075 --> 00:34:56,700
What else?
835
00:34:56,909 --> 00:34:58,368
What do you want to know,
Nurse Kipsy?
836
00:35:08,670 --> 00:35:09,922
Why aren't the drugs
working on you?
837
00:35:10,130 --> 00:35:11,215
Well, it's obvious, isn't it?
838
00:35:11,423 --> 00:35:13,008
It's because he's God!
839
00:35:14,093 --> 00:35:14,885
LUCIFER:
Uh, oh.
840
00:35:15,094 --> 00:35:16,053
Hey.
841
00:35:16,637 --> 00:35:17,805
Hey, they shouldn't be working
842
00:35:18,013 --> 00:35:19,890
on me, either, but...
843
00:35:20,099 --> 00:35:21,350
Is the detective still here?
844
00:35:21,600 --> 00:35:23,268
- That might explain it.
- Shut up.
845
00:35:23,477 --> 00:35:25,145
- Okay.
- KIPSY:
Doesn't matter.
846
00:35:25,479 --> 00:35:27,481
Now you know it's me,
I have to kill you both.
847
00:35:28,148 --> 00:35:29,274
(sighs)
848
00:35:32,861 --> 00:35:33,821
What's that for?
849
00:35:34,029 --> 00:35:35,197
A long shot.
850
00:35:44,164 --> 00:35:44,915
Okay.
851
00:35:47,251 --> 00:35:47,876
(camera clicks)
852
00:35:48,085 --> 00:35:50,212
That's got to be the coolest
thing I've ever seen.
853
00:35:50,420 --> 00:35:52,756
I'd-I'd applaud, you know,
if I weren't cuffed.
854
00:35:53,006 --> 00:35:54,383
Sorry about that.
It's just a precaution.
855
00:35:54,758 --> 00:35:56,176
- Hey, I get it.
- (cell phone beeps)
856
00:35:56,385 --> 00:35:57,761
- Bingo.
- Wow.
857
00:35:57,970 --> 00:35:58,762
That was fast.
858
00:35:58,971 --> 00:36:00,139
Yeah, you don't know Ella.
859
00:36:00,389 --> 00:36:03,016
The print belongs
to one Patricia Hightower.
860
00:36:03,225 --> 00:36:04,685
We have a patient
named Sue Hightower,
861
00:36:04,893 --> 00:36:06,103
the one God Johnson attacked.
862
00:36:06,645 --> 00:36:08,897
Okay. I'm waiting
on a DMV photo.
863
00:36:09,398 --> 00:36:10,232
(cell phone beeps)
864
00:36:10,774 --> 00:36:11,859
She looks familiar.
865
00:36:13,110 --> 00:36:14,528
That's Nurse Kipsy.
866
00:36:14,736 --> 00:36:15,988
KIPSY:
I changed my name
867
00:36:16,280 --> 00:36:17,948
so no one would know
she's my mother.
868
00:36:21,160 --> 00:36:23,996
She was a raging bitch
my entire life.
869
00:36:24,997 --> 00:36:27,833
Controlling,
manipulative...
870
00:36:29,918 --> 00:36:30,836
She tortured me.
871
00:36:32,754 --> 00:36:34,631
So I decided to torture her.
872
00:36:34,882 --> 00:36:36,425
Pumped her full of drugs,
drove her crazy.
873
00:36:36,633 --> 00:36:38,677
Preaching to the choir, sister.
874
00:36:38,969 --> 00:36:39,720
Evil parents
875
00:36:39,928 --> 00:36:40,888
deserve to be punished.
876
00:36:41,096 --> 00:36:43,682
You had every right
to destroy her.
877
00:36:45,058 --> 00:36:46,101
But what about the orderly?
878
00:36:47,311 --> 00:36:48,395
He found out what I was doing.
879
00:36:48,604 --> 00:36:50,272
He... said he was
gonna turn me in.
880
00:36:50,480 --> 00:36:51,148
I had no choice.
881
00:36:51,356 --> 00:36:52,482
No, he was innocent
882
00:36:52,733 --> 00:36:53,984
and you killed him,
883
00:36:54,193 --> 00:36:56,820
so I am gonna have
to punish you.
884
00:36:57,696 --> 00:36:59,573
(grunts)
885
00:37:01,200 --> 00:37:02,659
Why aren't I pulverizing you?
886
00:37:03,160 --> 00:37:06,121
Uh, one because you're a nutjob.
887
00:37:06,496 --> 00:37:07,247
And two,
888
00:37:07,456 --> 00:37:09,333
because I switched out
your normal meds
889
00:37:09,541 --> 00:37:11,251
with a massive dose of Haldol.
890
00:37:11,710 --> 00:37:12,419
(chuckles)
891
00:37:13,795 --> 00:37:14,421
You know...
892
00:37:16,173 --> 00:37:16,882
...they don't normally
893
00:37:17,090 --> 00:37:18,383
let patients wear belts.
894
00:37:19,760 --> 00:37:20,636
Suicide risk.
895
00:37:20,844 --> 00:37:23,263
So, thank you for getting a
special dispensation for yours
896
00:37:23,472 --> 00:37:25,057
because now I got it.
897
00:37:25,766 --> 00:37:27,601
God is gonna kill Lucifer,
898
00:37:28,310 --> 00:37:29,228
then hang himself.
899
00:37:30,979 --> 00:37:31,605
(chuckles)
900
00:37:32,648 --> 00:37:34,024
Kind of poetic, don't you think?
901
00:37:35,317 --> 00:37:36,235
Gonna go find a ladder.
902
00:37:36,652 --> 00:37:38,070
Oh, a ladder.
(chuckles)
903
00:37:38,570 --> 00:37:39,905
JOHNSON:
Now, I had no idea
904
00:37:40,113 --> 00:37:41,490
you were so angry with me.
905
00:37:42,491 --> 00:37:43,325
Really?
906
00:37:44,076 --> 00:37:46,870
'Cause I... I've been
pretty up-front about it.
907
00:37:47,079 --> 00:37:48,789
But to want to destroy me?
908
00:37:49,831 --> 00:37:51,041
That's pretty serious.
909
00:37:52,167 --> 00:37:53,502
You mind telling me why?
910
00:37:54,795 --> 00:37:55,879
Because...
911
00:37:58,006 --> 00:37:59,424
because I'm your son.
912
00:38:00,968 --> 00:38:01,885
And...
913
00:38:04,304 --> 00:38:05,514
...you rejected me.
914
00:38:07,599 --> 00:38:08,225
Oh.
915
00:38:10,769 --> 00:38:12,896
Well, then I guess
I can't say as I blame you.
916
00:38:13,522 --> 00:38:14,439
Fact of the matter is,
917
00:38:14,648 --> 00:38:15,565
I don't even remember why
918
00:38:15,774 --> 00:38:17,693
I was ever so angry with you
to begin with.
919
00:38:21,780 --> 00:38:22,990
For what it's worth...
920
00:38:24,324 --> 00:38:25,575
I am sorry.
921
00:38:26,827 --> 00:38:28,078
I truly am.
922
00:38:29,746 --> 00:38:31,707
And I am proud of you, Samael.
923
00:38:32,833 --> 00:38:34,668
I am proud of the man
you've become.
924
00:38:38,547 --> 00:38:39,756
So, what do you say...
925
00:38:40,340 --> 00:38:40,966
Wait, no.
926
00:38:41,174 --> 00:38:41,925
Not... not my belt.
927
00:38:42,134 --> 00:38:43,051
You can't take my belt.
It's mine.
928
00:38:43,260 --> 00:38:45,554
Patricia Hightower, LAPD.
Don't move.
929
00:38:45,762 --> 00:38:46,763
(belt clatters on floor)
930
00:38:47,681 --> 00:38:49,850
Detective.
(whoops)
931
00:38:51,059 --> 00:38:51,852
You okay?
932
00:38:52,394 --> 00:38:53,145
Honestly...
933
00:38:54,604 --> 00:38:55,939
I've never felt better.
934
00:38:57,024 --> 00:38:58,025
(grunts)
935
00:39:00,319 --> 00:39:02,404
What this?
What-What just happened?
936
00:39:02,654 --> 00:39:04,906
What are you talking about?
We just beat Santa.
937
00:39:06,325 --> 00:39:06,992
Who are you?
938
00:39:07,200 --> 00:39:08,201
It's me, Dad.
939
00:39:08,452 --> 00:39:09,494
Lucifer.
940
00:39:10,454 --> 00:39:12,831
Does someone want to tell me
what the hell is going on?
941
00:39:13,040 --> 00:39:14,499
Get me out of
these damn things.
942
00:39:24,426 --> 00:39:25,802
"The piece is here."
943
00:39:33,977 --> 00:39:34,686
(scoffs)
944
00:39:35,312 --> 00:39:37,105
Well, what do you know.
945
00:39:37,314 --> 00:39:38,398
It fits perfectly.
946
00:39:38,607 --> 00:39:40,984
Yes, I think this is what Uriel
was trying to tell me.
947
00:39:43,487 --> 00:39:44,363
Just before he died,
948
00:39:44,571 --> 00:39:47,074
he whispered in my ear,
"The piece is here."
949
00:39:47,282 --> 00:39:49,034
I mean, I thought it
was nonsense, but...
950
00:39:49,826 --> 00:39:51,453
this must be why
the sword wasn't working.
951
00:39:51,661 --> 00:39:52,329
It wasn't complete.
952
00:39:52,537 --> 00:39:54,206
Dad supposedly destroyed
the Flaming Sword
953
00:39:54,414 --> 00:39:55,248
after the rebellion.
954
00:39:55,457 --> 00:39:56,875
So, are you saying
955
00:39:57,084 --> 00:39:59,211
he just broke it into two
pieces? Azrael's blade...
956
00:39:59,419 --> 00:40:00,170
And this.
957
00:40:00,504 --> 00:40:02,881
Yes, which somehow
ended up on Earth.
958
00:40:03,090 --> 00:40:04,383
Its power probably awakened
959
00:40:04,633 --> 00:40:07,636
when Azrael's blade
ended up here, too.
960
00:40:08,637 --> 00:40:10,722
Which is when Mr. Johnson
must've stumbled upon it.
961
00:40:10,931 --> 00:40:12,140
But why did he think
he was father?
962
00:40:12,682 --> 00:40:16,061
Well, I mean, Azrael's blade
inspired death.
963
00:40:16,269 --> 00:40:19,898
Maybe this piece
activated the opposite-- life.
964
00:40:20,107 --> 00:40:21,691
Healing. Gave him the power
965
00:40:21,900 --> 00:40:22,901
and knowledge of the divine.
966
00:40:23,110 --> 00:40:25,362
And when he found out that he
could heal like that, he...
967
00:40:26,196 --> 00:40:26,947
he thought he was God.
968
00:40:27,155 --> 00:40:28,532
What's more
important is that
969
00:40:28,740 --> 00:40:31,451
now the sword's complete,
we can get on with our plan.
970
00:40:31,952 --> 00:40:33,703
So... the...
971
00:40:35,372 --> 00:40:36,039
(sighs)
972
00:40:36,248 --> 00:40:37,332
Or not.
973
00:40:43,839 --> 00:40:45,257
Maybe there's
another piece missing.
974
00:40:45,465 --> 00:40:47,759
Or maybe a dragon
has to breathe on it.
975
00:40:47,968 --> 00:40:48,844
Who knows?
976
00:40:49,052 --> 00:40:50,470
Well, maybe Mum does.
977
00:40:51,263 --> 00:40:51,930
Did...
978
00:40:52,639 --> 00:40:53,723
Where is she, anyway?
979
00:40:55,100 --> 00:40:56,059
(knock on door)
980
00:41:02,816 --> 00:41:03,984
I thought I made
myself clear.
981
00:41:05,485 --> 00:41:06,820
I kissed a man today.
982
00:41:07,320 --> 00:41:08,155
What's your deal?
983
00:41:09,197 --> 00:41:10,699
I thought he was my ex-husband.
984
00:41:11,575 --> 00:41:12,993
When I kissed him,
985
00:41:14,369 --> 00:41:15,704
I realized it wasn't him.
986
00:41:16,371 --> 00:41:17,789
And the strangest part is,
987
00:41:18,290 --> 00:41:19,916
I don't know what's
more upsetting...
988
00:41:21,585 --> 00:41:23,295
that it wasn't him?
(chuckles)
989
00:41:26,465 --> 00:41:29,009
Or that I... I wished it was.
990
00:41:29,593 --> 00:41:30,343
Wow.
991
00:41:31,344 --> 00:41:32,888
I just don't want to be alone.
992
00:41:34,306 --> 00:41:36,224
Could we just
hold each other?
993
00:41:38,101 --> 00:41:39,269
Please?
994
00:41:44,316 --> 00:41:45,901
With your pants off, of course.
995
00:41:55,243 --> 00:41:57,162
I still can't believe
I gave all my money away.
996
00:41:57,370 --> 00:41:59,039
Well, if it's
any consolation,
997
00:41:59,247 --> 00:42:01,625
- you haven't exactly
been yourself of late.
- Yeah.
998
00:42:02,042 --> 00:42:03,752
Listen, I wanted to ask you...
999
00:42:04,503 --> 00:42:05,921
what's the last thing
you remember?
1000
00:42:06,713 --> 00:42:08,423
I was in New Mexico for work,
1001
00:42:09,007 --> 00:42:11,176
I was walking through
this Navajo gift shop.
1002
00:42:11,468 --> 00:42:13,970
I saw a cool belt buckle,
so I picked it up, and...
1003
00:42:14,763 --> 00:42:15,764
next thing I knew, I woke up
1004
00:42:15,972 --> 00:42:17,224
strapped to a gurney
next to you.
1005
00:42:17,432 --> 00:42:19,059
- Lucky you.
- Yeah.
1006
00:42:20,060 --> 00:42:20,977
Hey, they, uh,
1007
00:42:21,228 --> 00:42:22,395
they say we was arguing.
1008
00:42:22,604 --> 00:42:25,440
If I did or said something
to upset you, I apologize.
1009
00:42:25,649 --> 00:42:29,277
No, no, you were quite
lovely, actually.
1010
00:42:31,029 --> 00:42:34,074
For a brief moment,
I thought you were my father.
1011
00:42:34,282 --> 00:42:34,950
(chuckles)
1012
00:42:35,158 --> 00:42:37,994
A man for whom I harbor
a great deal of resentment.
1013
00:42:39,162 --> 00:42:39,996
And you said some things
1014
00:42:40,205 --> 00:42:42,624
that I think I wish
he'd always said to me,
1015
00:42:43,083 --> 00:42:45,961
so for that I thank you.
1016
00:42:46,753 --> 00:42:48,880
Well, I guess even
a blind squirrel
1017
00:42:49,089 --> 00:42:50,465
catches a nut
every now and then.
1018
00:42:51,508 --> 00:42:52,467
You take care of yourself.
1019
00:42:56,054 --> 00:42:57,847
Hey, does this mean you're not
angry at your dad anymore?
1020
00:42:58,265 --> 00:42:59,516
No, I'm not angry.
1021
00:43:00,850 --> 00:43:02,060
I'm bloody furious.
1022
00:43:03,311 --> 00:43:04,437
'Cause I realized that my father
1023
00:43:04,646 --> 00:43:06,648
would never say those things
to me.
1024
00:43:07,774 --> 00:43:08,817
And for that...
1025
00:43:10,110 --> 00:43:11,486
I hate him all the more.