1 00:00:33,622 --> 00:00:34,923 Thank you. 2 00:00:34,956 --> 00:00:38,093 I have one more for you, called "I Want To Live." 3 00:00:38,127 --> 00:00:41,163 But first I'd like to introduce a dear friend of mine 4 00:00:41,196 --> 00:00:42,964 who's going to share a few words. 5 00:00:42,997 --> 00:00:44,599 Treya Wilber. 6 00:00:51,173 --> 00:00:52,141 Thank you. 7 00:00:52,174 --> 00:00:52,841 Yeah. 8 00:01:06,188 --> 00:01:07,956 Hello. 9 00:01:07,989 --> 00:01:10,925 My name is Treya Killam Wilber. 10 00:01:10,959 --> 00:01:14,028 Many of you here have known me as Terry. 11 00:01:14,062 --> 00:01:19,168 I've been involved with Windstar from the early days. 12 00:01:19,201 --> 00:01:22,837 Five years ago, in August of '83, 13 00:01:22,871 --> 00:01:26,641 I met and totally fell in love with Ken Wilber. 14 00:01:26,675 --> 00:01:30,312 I always used to call it love at first touch. 15 00:01:40,655 --> 00:01:42,924 "Dear Friends, 16 00:01:42,957 --> 00:01:46,828 Remember those lists I used to make... 17 00:01:46,861 --> 00:01:51,366 my wish list for the perfect man? 18 00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:53,702 Well, at 36, I certainly didn't think 19 00:01:53,735 --> 00:01:57,839 that man could still happen to me. 20 00:01:57,872 --> 00:02:01,910 Yep, love, I've finally found him. 21 00:02:01,943 --> 00:02:04,946 His name is Ken Wilber. 22 00:02:04,979 --> 00:02:06,681 Maybe you've heard of him. 23 00:02:06,715 --> 00:02:10,219 He's revered as "the Einstein of Consciousness." 24 00:02:10,252 --> 00:02:12,621 At the CAL Institute for Psychological Studies 25 00:02:12,654 --> 00:02:19,160 was where I first read this Mr. Wilber's work. 26 00:02:19,194 --> 00:02:21,663 I didn't think much of this until a few weeks later 27 00:02:21,696 --> 00:02:23,865 when Frances called to invite me to dinner with Ken 28 00:02:23,898 --> 00:02:26,268 at her and Roger's home. 29 00:02:26,301 --> 00:02:28,870 It needs to be explored and maybe you'll find that answer. 30 00:02:28,903 --> 00:02:31,840 Uh, we're trying to have kids, 31 00:02:31,873 --> 00:02:33,342 but it's not working. 32 00:02:33,375 --> 00:02:34,343 Ken and I just barely had a chance 33 00:02:34,376 --> 00:02:36,144 to say hello when our two friends 34 00:02:36,177 --> 00:02:39,981 began to bring up some problems in their relationship. 35 00:02:40,014 --> 00:02:42,851 -It's important to differentiate, to understand... 36 00:02:42,884 --> 00:02:44,286 Ken was asked to be therapist 37 00:02:44,319 --> 00:02:45,954 for the evening. 38 00:02:45,987 --> 00:02:47,188 But it's like there's something stopping... 39 00:02:47,222 --> 00:02:48,223 But the love is there. 40 00:02:48,257 --> 00:02:49,991 Which was fine, 41 00:02:50,024 --> 00:02:51,860 because it gave me some time to get used to his shaved head. 42 00:04:03,432 --> 00:04:07,736 -So, um, Frances and Roger told me you're like, 43 00:04:07,769 --> 00:04:09,804 the most amazing woman to walk the planet. 44 00:04:09,838 --> 00:04:17,078 Please... 45 00:04:17,111 --> 00:04:22,984 They say you're amazing too. 46 00:04:42,971 --> 00:04:43,972 Well, good night. 47 00:04:44,005 --> 00:04:46,040 Bye, and good night. 48 00:04:46,074 --> 00:04:48,543 -Hey, look, um... 49 00:04:48,577 --> 00:04:49,911 I know this sounds strange, 50 00:04:49,944 --> 00:04:55,049 but when I hugged you in the kitchen, 51 00:04:55,083 --> 00:05:00,154 I felt like... 52 00:05:00,188 --> 00:05:04,826 I never wanted to let you go. 53 00:05:04,859 --> 00:05:05,860 -Yeah. - 54 00:05:05,894 --> 00:05:11,400 -Yeah, me too... 55 00:05:11,433 --> 00:05:14,002 Good night. -Good night. 56 00:05:32,421 --> 00:05:34,523 -I found her. 57 00:05:37,492 --> 00:05:43,231 I've really found her. 58 00:05:45,567 --> 00:05:47,402 I noticed a series of subtle 59 00:05:47,436 --> 00:05:49,137 energy currents running through my body 60 00:05:49,170 --> 00:05:53,408 like an earnest series... 61 00:05:53,442 --> 00:05:55,610 The softness of the air... 62 00:05:55,644 --> 00:05:56,945 ...slow energy currents 63 00:05:56,978 --> 00:05:59,514 an energy that lies asleep until aroused by 64 00:05:59,548 --> 00:06:01,916 the right person or event. An energy... 65 00:06:01,950 --> 00:06:03,317 Be touched like that. 66 00:06:05,386 --> 00:06:08,056 Deep caring, like he touched me. 67 00:06:08,089 --> 00:06:09,524 -...the right person. 68 00:06:09,558 --> 00:06:11,359 -Gentleness. 69 00:06:11,392 --> 00:06:13,462 An energy that seemed to radiate from her 70 00:06:13,495 --> 00:06:14,896 in all directions. 71 00:06:14,929 --> 00:06:16,465 Willingness to support. 72 00:06:16,498 --> 00:06:19,400 First through his words and what it showed of him... 73 00:06:19,434 --> 00:06:22,036 An energy of vast intelligence 74 00:06:22,070 --> 00:06:23,304 from the right person... 75 00:06:23,337 --> 00:06:26,207 Asking questions. 76 00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:29,878 The depth of his brown eyes, and then an easy melting. 77 00:06:29,911 --> 00:06:32,313 Suffused with beauty. 78 00:06:32,346 --> 00:06:36,918 But mostly an energy that was alive. 79 00:06:36,951 --> 00:06:43,525 This woman said life more than anyone I had ever known. 80 00:06:43,558 --> 00:06:48,062 Of truth... 81 00:06:48,096 --> 00:06:50,364 and finding it. 82 00:06:50,398 --> 00:06:53,167 And God, she was alive! 83 00:06:53,201 --> 00:06:55,136 The softness. 84 00:06:55,169 --> 00:07:01,042 I trust him more than... as if I already know him. 85 00:07:10,552 --> 00:07:15,590 In case I read this in the future, 86 00:07:15,624 --> 00:07:18,660 just to be clear, 87 00:07:18,693 --> 00:07:26,200 Treya and I have not slept together. 88 00:07:26,234 --> 00:07:27,502 We simply put our arms around each other, 89 00:07:27,536 --> 00:07:31,239 once in the kitchen, and once shortly after. 90 00:07:31,272 --> 00:07:36,010 That was the sum total of our involvement. 91 00:07:36,044 --> 00:07:39,948 Though I certainly sense there is more to come. 92 00:07:39,981 --> 00:07:40,982 I became obsessed 93 00:07:41,015 --> 00:07:42,684 with the thought of Ken... 94 00:08:06,608 --> 00:08:10,511 I'll take all these. 95 00:08:10,545 --> 00:08:13,281 I-I'm just checking them out for some friends. 96 00:08:13,314 --> 00:08:15,650 -Hm. 97 00:08:15,684 --> 00:08:18,519 So, then I got a job as a dishwasher, 98 00:08:18,553 --> 00:08:22,123 earning 350 dollars a month and sending 100 of that 99 00:08:22,156 --> 00:08:26,728 to Sam at Shambhala Publications for mail order books. 100 00:08:26,761 --> 00:08:30,699 And I wrote that book. 101 00:08:30,732 --> 00:08:35,336 The Spectrum of Consciousness , I loved it. 102 00:08:36,638 --> 00:08:40,709 And then five more books in five years. Right? 103 00:08:40,742 --> 00:08:42,343 -Have you been stalking me? 104 00:08:42,376 --> 00:08:44,212 -Yeah. I'm looking for a good dishwasher. 105 00:08:46,514 --> 00:08:47,749 -Yeah. I bus tables too, ya know. 106 00:08:57,792 --> 00:09:02,463 -What's something that no one probably knows about you? 107 00:09:02,496 --> 00:09:08,136 -I wrote out all of Alan Watts' books by hand. 108 00:09:08,169 --> 00:09:11,305 -All right, that's pretty exhausting. 109 00:09:11,339 --> 00:09:14,542 I don't think anybody needs to know that. 110 00:09:14,575 --> 00:09:21,215 -So why are you a psychologist? 111 00:09:21,249 --> 00:09:22,817 -I think growing up, I never had a place 112 00:09:22,851 --> 00:09:26,254 to put my thoughts and feelings. 113 00:09:26,287 --> 00:09:28,222 My parents are wonderful. 114 00:09:28,256 --> 00:09:32,226 highly conventional. 115 00:09:32,260 --> 00:09:34,629 -Mm. The old guard? 116 00:09:34,663 --> 00:09:37,666 -They did well in oil and investments. 117 00:09:37,699 --> 00:09:41,135 And I think it's just reflective of the social circles 118 00:09:41,169 --> 00:09:42,436 they're in as well. 119 00:09:42,470 --> 00:09:49,377 But they love me enormously. 120 00:09:49,410 --> 00:09:50,679 Anyhow, it makes it 121 00:09:50,712 --> 00:09:52,446 so that I can afford to date authors, you know. 122 00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:55,083 Well, that's okay. 123 00:09:55,116 --> 00:09:57,418 You know, I'm a great dishwasher, 124 00:09:57,451 --> 00:09:58,953 and I sell a few books. 125 00:10:14,335 --> 00:10:17,806 Has anything like this ever happened to you? 126 00:10:17,839 --> 00:10:20,574 -No. 127 00:10:20,608 --> 00:10:23,845 Nothing like this. 128 00:10:23,878 --> 00:10:26,715 How about you? 129 00:10:26,748 --> 00:10:33,354 -Never, not like this. 130 00:10:33,387 --> 00:10:36,424 -Oh, god. 131 00:10:36,457 --> 00:10:38,459 -It's bigger than the two of us, pilgrim. 132 00:11:13,895 --> 00:11:17,465 -So you've only known him a few weeks, Treya! 133 00:11:17,498 --> 00:11:19,901 -And you've never raved about a guy, like ever. 134 00:11:19,934 --> 00:11:23,704 -Mm-hm. And you have not dated a boy in over two years. 135 00:11:23,738 --> 00:11:29,643 -I know. I know. He's, he's amazing. 136 00:11:29,677 --> 00:11:32,781 He's just so lovable. 137 00:11:32,814 --> 00:11:37,718 -So you think you might get, you know, you might? 138 00:11:37,752 --> 00:11:38,820 You better. 139 00:11:38,853 --> 00:11:43,591 -I think well...yes! We will get married. 140 00:11:46,727 --> 00:11:49,230 -Oh, my god. Finally! 141 00:11:51,399 --> 00:11:52,934 -I haven't heard you say that word 142 00:11:52,967 --> 00:11:55,536 since you were three years old when you used to play dress up. 143 00:12:03,477 --> 00:12:06,815 -Not only do I approve, 144 00:12:06,848 --> 00:12:09,283 I'm a little worried she's getting shortchanged, pal. 145 00:12:09,317 --> 00:12:12,686 -I know. - 146 00:12:27,701 --> 00:12:32,673 -So what did you tell Sam about me? 147 00:12:32,706 --> 00:12:39,848 -Let's see. Hmmm. No, I told Sam that if she'll have me, 148 00:12:39,881 --> 00:12:44,953 that... this is the girl that I'd like to marry. 149 00:12:44,986 --> 00:12:48,289 -Of course. 150 00:12:48,322 --> 00:12:54,595 I was gonna ask you. 151 00:13:03,671 --> 00:13:04,973 -When I met your daddy, 152 00:13:05,006 --> 00:13:09,577 I was so busy with my life, but I knew he was the one. 153 00:13:11,345 --> 00:13:13,414 -It's all I've ever wanted for you. 154 00:13:13,447 --> 00:13:17,551 So I want you to know, honey: I am here for you, 155 00:13:17,585 --> 00:13:21,055 come rain or come shine. Love you. 156 00:13:21,089 --> 00:13:26,560 -Mom. 157 00:13:26,594 --> 00:13:27,828 -Go get your man. 158 00:13:41,742 --> 00:13:43,411 -I love you more than life. 159 00:13:45,413 --> 00:13:48,316 I just can't believe it's real. 160 00:13:48,349 --> 00:13:55,056 I've known you less than four months. 161 00:13:55,089 --> 00:13:59,360 -I've been searching for you for a hundred lifetimes. 162 00:13:59,393 --> 00:14:05,333 I've slain a thousand dragons to find you. 163 00:14:05,366 --> 00:14:08,036 I love you to the depths of the ocean, 164 00:14:08,069 --> 00:14:10,438 beyond the height of the mountains, 165 00:14:10,471 --> 00:14:12,440 beyond the heat of the sun... 166 00:14:13,841 --> 00:14:15,409 beyond time... 167 00:14:16,510 --> 00:14:19,513 forever. Forever. 168 00:14:32,726 --> 00:14:35,496 -Let's go get married. 169 00:14:50,578 --> 00:14:52,380 -You know, when I recently opened up 170 00:14:52,413 --> 00:14:55,416 a box of books that Treya sent to me, I thought, 171 00:14:55,449 --> 00:14:59,153 "Ah, Treya has discovered my favorite writer." 172 00:14:59,187 --> 00:15:01,855 And then I opened her letter. 173 00:15:01,889 --> 00:15:04,925 "Oh, Treya is marrying my favorite writer." 174 00:15:07,695 --> 00:15:09,930 -Ken, Treya, you're gathered here today 175 00:15:09,964 --> 00:15:13,467 being bound not only as lovers, but as souls 176 00:15:13,501 --> 00:15:16,704 to continually bring out the courageous and beautiful 177 00:15:16,737 --> 00:15:18,872 from inside one another. 178 00:15:18,906 --> 00:15:23,111 And here, now, like a bridge joining two lands, 179 00:15:23,144 --> 00:15:26,580 we witness the joining of these two souls through love, 180 00:15:26,614 --> 00:15:29,717 entering into a dance from this day forward 181 00:15:29,750 --> 00:15:33,754 to unite separateness, to pierce time, 182 00:15:33,787 --> 00:15:41,062 and to leap together into eternity. 183 00:15:41,095 --> 00:15:47,001 -I will take you from here to forever and never let you go. 184 00:15:47,035 --> 00:15:52,540 -I will take you from here to forever and never let you go. 185 00:15:52,573 --> 00:15:54,742 -My wife. 186 00:16:09,957 --> 00:16:17,931 -Please stand. 187 00:16:44,258 --> 00:16:46,827 -I know, Mom, it's a miracle. 188 00:16:46,860 --> 00:16:49,563 I finish classes, Ken has some final editing, 189 00:16:49,597 --> 00:16:52,600 and then Hawaii. 190 00:16:52,633 --> 00:16:53,667 -Hawaii? 191 00:16:53,701 --> 00:16:54,635 Yes, Hawaii. 192 00:16:55,969 --> 00:16:56,970 So we'll see you at Christmas. 193 00:16:57,004 --> 00:16:59,807 -All right. Um, you know, honey... 194 00:16:59,840 --> 00:17:03,811 I'm...I'm just not crazy about his writing. 195 00:17:03,844 --> 00:17:05,513 I just opened it, 196 00:17:05,546 --> 00:17:08,015 and there was a picture of somebody humping. 197 00:17:08,048 --> 00:17:09,583 -Mom, Mom, I gotta go. 198 00:17:09,617 --> 00:17:10,718 -But as long as you're happy. 199 00:17:10,751 --> 00:17:11,985 -Okay. Bye, Mom. 200 00:17:12,019 --> 00:17:14,088 -All right. Love you. 201 00:17:14,122 --> 00:17:19,127 I love you too. 202 00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:21,795 -I guess I said the wrong thing. 203 00:17:27,268 --> 00:17:29,937 Okay. 204 00:17:29,970 --> 00:17:33,307 And now I'm gonna examine the left breast. 205 00:17:42,082 --> 00:17:43,917 Now I'm going to do the right. 206 00:18:02,936 --> 00:18:08,209 Do you know you have a lump in your right breast? 207 00:18:08,242 --> 00:18:09,777 -What? 208 00:18:09,810 --> 00:18:14,582 -Well, it's fairly large and hard. 209 00:18:14,615 --> 00:18:18,018 But it's not attached to the muscle and moves easily. 210 00:18:18,051 --> 00:18:20,921 My guess is it's nothing to worry about. 211 00:18:20,954 --> 00:18:22,656 Maybe just a cyst. 212 00:18:22,690 --> 00:18:24,792 -What do you think we should do? 213 00:18:24,825 --> 00:18:27,228 -Why don't we wait a month and see if it changes in size. 214 00:18:27,261 --> 00:18:29,730 It could change with your menstrual cycle. 215 00:18:29,763 --> 00:18:30,998 Come back and see me in a month. 216 00:18:31,031 --> 00:18:32,032 Okay. 217 00:18:49,883 --> 00:18:52,019 -It's hard, which is bad. 218 00:18:52,052 --> 00:18:54,688 But it's symmetrical and detached, 219 00:18:54,722 --> 00:18:57,891 which is good, so don't worry. 220 00:18:57,925 --> 00:19:02,896 Let's get a second opinion. 221 00:19:02,930 --> 00:19:07,301 And no, nothing is gonna tear me away from you. 222 00:19:07,335 --> 00:19:10,404 -Nothing. 223 00:19:10,438 --> 00:19:12,673 Good, Mr. Wilber. 224 00:19:12,706 --> 00:19:14,342 I hope not. 225 00:19:17,278 --> 00:19:20,248 I think you're done for tonight. 226 00:19:20,281 --> 00:19:21,249 -Bye-bye, book. 227 00:19:21,282 --> 00:19:27,120 -Bye-bye, book. - 228 00:19:27,154 --> 00:19:29,757 -If only I could have everything 229 00:19:29,790 --> 00:19:33,894 that's inside of this beautiful mind. 230 00:19:33,927 --> 00:19:34,928 -If only I could have everything 231 00:19:34,962 --> 00:19:43,136 inside this beautiful heart. 232 00:19:43,170 --> 00:19:52,780 -All right, ready? 233 00:19:52,813 --> 00:19:55,082 Mm. 234 00:19:55,115 --> 00:20:01,021 It's probably a fibroadenoma, a benign growth. 235 00:20:01,054 --> 00:20:05,693 Should definitely have it removed. 236 00:20:05,726 --> 00:20:07,395 -We--we leave for our honeymoon, 237 00:20:07,428 --> 00:20:09,397 and then we're gone for two weeks over Christmas. 238 00:20:09,430 --> 00:20:10,798 Can it wait? 239 00:20:10,831 --> 00:20:11,965 Yes, I think so. 240 00:20:11,999 --> 00:20:14,001 No danger in waiting three weeks. 241 00:20:14,034 --> 00:20:18,138 Though, I want you to see a surgeon for his opinion. 242 00:20:18,171 --> 00:20:20,007 Um, Dr. Peter Richards. 243 00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:22,175 His office is close to Marin General. 244 00:20:22,209 --> 00:20:25,045 Um, you know, let's give him a call in my office. 245 00:20:25,078 --> 00:20:26,980 He might want to fit you in before the trip. 246 00:20:27,014 --> 00:20:28,015 Okay? -Okay. 247 00:20:28,048 --> 00:20:29,783 -Oh, Dr. Peter Richards. 248 00:20:29,817 --> 00:20:31,952 He is wonderful. 249 00:20:31,985 --> 00:20:38,025 He did my colon operation 15 years ago at M.D. Anderson. 250 00:20:38,058 --> 00:20:39,126 -He's the Chief of Surgery 251 00:20:39,159 --> 00:20:41,161 at Children's Hospital in San Fran now. 252 00:20:41,194 --> 00:20:43,163 He says it's probably nothing but 253 00:20:43,196 --> 00:20:45,132 just to be safe, he wants to take it out. 254 00:20:45,165 --> 00:20:46,767 Anyhow, I gotta go pack. 255 00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:49,503 -So you have your exam tomorrow and then 256 00:20:49,537 --> 00:20:51,271 you're counseling. Is that right? 257 00:20:51,305 --> 00:20:53,941 -Yes. Dr. Richards will remove the lump 258 00:20:53,974 --> 00:20:56,243 the next day before we fly. 259 00:20:56,276 --> 00:20:58,812 -Oh? All right. 260 00:20:58,846 --> 00:21:01,214 And Ken is taking good care of you? 261 00:21:01,248 --> 00:21:03,016 -Of course he is, Mom. 262 00:21:03,050 --> 00:21:04,518 -Well, I just... 263 00:21:04,552 --> 00:21:05,786 -You just what? 264 00:21:05,819 --> 00:21:07,321 -Oh, nothing, honey. I just, uh-- 265 00:21:07,355 --> 00:21:09,357 -Mom, listen. 266 00:21:09,390 --> 00:21:11,058 I know what you think 267 00:21:11,091 --> 00:21:14,294 and not everyone understands or agrees with his books. 268 00:21:14,328 --> 00:21:16,163 But, you know, he's more than 269 00:21:16,196 --> 00:21:18,899 what's just written in those books, okay? 270 00:21:18,932 --> 00:21:20,968 -All right. 271 00:21:21,001 --> 00:21:22,470 -I love you. I've got to go pack. 272 00:21:22,503 --> 00:21:23,937 -I love you. 273 00:21:23,971 --> 00:21:25,506 -Bye. 274 00:21:25,539 --> 00:21:28,241 -Safe flight. 275 00:21:35,883 --> 00:21:39,119 -Honey, are we gonna do that swim across the bay? 276 00:21:40,554 --> 00:21:42,155 -Is the Pope Catholic? 277 00:21:42,189 --> 00:21:43,323 -Uh huh. 278 00:21:43,357 --> 00:21:45,125 -Does a one-legged duck swim in circles? 279 00:21:45,158 --> 00:21:47,428 Yes. 280 00:21:47,461 --> 00:21:49,196 -Was Jesus a carpenter? 281 00:21:50,898 --> 00:21:53,066 -Does an obnoxious husband think that he's gonna 282 00:21:53,100 --> 00:21:56,537 get me tonight by asking silly questions? 283 00:21:56,570 --> 00:21:57,971 -Oh, that's nice. 284 00:21:58,005 --> 00:21:59,072 -It is nice. 285 00:22:00,273 --> 00:22:04,812 -Soft... 286 00:22:04,845 --> 00:22:06,279 So, do you think we're gonna find dolphins 287 00:22:06,313 --> 00:22:08,115 out there in that ocean? 288 00:22:08,148 --> 00:22:09,349 Mm-hm. 289 00:22:09,383 --> 00:22:11,452 Maybe we can see some whales? 290 00:22:12,553 --> 00:22:13,954 Or sharks. 291 00:22:13,987 --> 00:22:16,156 This little bay right here. No sharks! 292 00:22:21,529 --> 00:22:22,896 So how old were you 293 00:22:22,930 --> 00:22:25,032 when you started menstruating? 294 00:22:25,065 --> 00:22:26,534 Maybe 14. 295 00:22:26,567 --> 00:22:29,570 Okay. Have you ever had a child? 296 00:22:29,603 --> 00:22:31,371 -Uh, no. I've never been pregnant. 297 00:22:31,405 --> 00:22:32,973 -Okay. 298 00:22:33,006 --> 00:22:35,476 Has anyone in your family had breast cancer? 299 00:22:35,509 --> 00:22:37,244 -Not that I know of. 300 00:22:37,277 --> 00:22:41,148 -Okay. And has the lump ever hurt? 301 00:22:41,181 --> 00:22:43,383 -No, never. 302 00:22:43,417 --> 00:22:45,385 -Okay. Are you nervous 303 00:22:45,419 --> 00:22:49,056 about the operation, about the local anesthesia? 304 00:22:49,089 --> 00:22:51,158 I mean, if you--if you are, we can give you something. 305 00:22:51,191 --> 00:22:52,993 No, I feel fine. 306 00:22:53,026 --> 00:22:54,562 Good. And do you eat meat? 307 00:22:54,595 --> 00:22:56,464 Nope. Vegetarian. 308 00:22:56,497 --> 00:22:57,431 Oh, good for you. 309 00:22:59,166 --> 00:23:00,067 All right. 310 00:24:05,699 --> 00:24:08,669 -Hi. I'd like to see the Wilbers in my office. 311 00:24:08,702 --> 00:24:09,637 Okay. -Good. 312 00:24:16,476 --> 00:24:20,714 -I'm sorry. But the tumor is malignant. 313 00:24:25,018 --> 00:24:29,590 -And, um, the detailed results are--? 314 00:24:29,623 --> 00:24:31,191 -Yeah, let me get that for you. 315 00:24:36,329 --> 00:24:38,599 Can I get a nurse in my office with the Wilber chart, please? 316 00:24:38,632 --> 00:24:41,468 -How? It's so unfair. 317 00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:48,108 -This is crazy. 318 00:24:48,141 --> 00:24:49,610 Most medical and scientific information 319 00:24:49,643 --> 00:24:52,345 is either inconclusive or negative. 320 00:24:52,379 --> 00:24:54,314 -Okay. I just read a New Age perspective 321 00:24:54,347 --> 00:24:57,685 that says illness is a lesson. 322 00:24:57,718 --> 00:24:59,152 While most alternative information 323 00:24:59,186 --> 00:25:01,388 is unrelenting and positive. 324 00:25:01,421 --> 00:25:03,691 Did you see that Woody Allen quote? 325 00:25:03,724 --> 00:25:05,192 -It looks like everybody who gets treated 326 00:25:05,225 --> 00:25:07,595 by orthodox medicine dies. 327 00:25:07,628 --> 00:25:11,732 "I don't get angry. I grow tumors instead." 328 00:25:11,765 --> 00:25:14,167 -The one who gets treated with the alternative medicine lives. 329 00:25:16,136 --> 00:25:18,171 -A film with a giant squirting boob 330 00:25:18,205 --> 00:25:20,340 as a character in it. 331 00:25:20,373 --> 00:25:21,609 Condemned to meaning. 332 00:25:23,343 --> 00:25:25,112 -Are we wearing matching outfits? 333 00:25:29,683 --> 00:25:31,685 By curiosity, or whatever design... 334 00:25:39,827 --> 00:25:41,294 -Okay, Mr. Wilber. 335 00:25:43,530 --> 00:25:44,832 I'll make the list. 336 00:25:46,634 --> 00:25:49,369 A period of depression I went through, 337 00:25:49,402 --> 00:25:53,340 repressing some emotions, eating too much animal fat. 338 00:25:53,373 --> 00:25:58,145 Is it possible that somewhere inside ... worrying ... 339 00:25:58,178 --> 00:26:00,347 part of me doesn't want to live? 340 00:26:00,380 --> 00:26:03,216 Being too self-critical. 341 00:26:03,250 --> 00:26:05,552 I just don't want you to have to worry about me. 342 00:26:05,585 --> 00:26:07,655 Lonely as a child maybe. 343 00:26:07,688 --> 00:26:09,690 People saying it's caused by repressed emotions 344 00:26:09,723 --> 00:26:11,124 don't know what they're talking about. 345 00:26:11,158 --> 00:26:12,559 -Not meeting Ken sooner. 346 00:26:15,663 --> 00:26:17,798 So, what do you think? 347 00:26:17,831 --> 00:26:18,832 -I like the last one. 348 00:26:23,737 --> 00:26:25,706 I don't know what caused it, sweetheart, 349 00:26:25,739 --> 00:26:27,474 and I don't think anybody does. 350 00:26:27,507 --> 00:26:29,242 -Ken, I'm scared. 351 00:26:36,383 --> 00:26:39,552 -As long as you're breathing and crying, 352 00:26:39,586 --> 00:26:41,388 I won't worry about you. 353 00:26:41,421 --> 00:26:44,291 Now, if you stop either one, then I'll worry. 354 00:26:52,565 --> 00:26:55,202 If you want to make any changes, 355 00:26:55,235 --> 00:26:57,805 don't do any of them because you think they caused it. 356 00:27:00,908 --> 00:27:03,610 Do it because you want to do it anyway. 357 00:27:05,312 --> 00:27:07,514 Hm? Look... 358 00:27:09,917 --> 00:27:12,419 let's make it a new beginning. Hm? 359 00:27:14,888 --> 00:27:16,724 -You promise? 360 00:27:25,833 --> 00:27:27,634 -I love you. 361 00:27:37,878 --> 00:27:40,447 -Okay, it's a new procedure. 362 00:27:40,480 --> 00:27:41,882 It was pioneered in Europe. 363 00:27:41,915 --> 00:27:44,684 And I think you'd be a really good candidate for it. 364 00:27:44,718 --> 00:27:47,855 You see, these tumors are the Nazis of the cancer crowd 365 00:27:47,888 --> 00:27:49,222 and they're not terribly impressed with 366 00:27:49,256 --> 00:27:51,158 wheatgrass or sweet thoughts. 367 00:27:51,191 --> 00:27:53,727 I mean, you got to nuke these bastards. 368 00:27:53,761 --> 00:27:55,362 As a matter of fact, I had a discussion about it 369 00:27:55,395 --> 00:27:57,497 with your mom and Rad right after I'd read about it. 370 00:28:00,700 --> 00:28:01,802 -Babe? 371 00:28:03,570 --> 00:28:04,838 -Um, we've certainly done the research 372 00:28:04,872 --> 00:28:07,207 on the various combinations. 373 00:28:07,240 --> 00:28:08,341 -For sure. 374 00:28:08,375 --> 00:28:11,845 Okay. 375 00:28:11,879 --> 00:28:16,817 Segmental mastectomy, that'll save lymph nodes. 376 00:28:16,850 --> 00:28:18,351 Followed by radiation 377 00:28:18,385 --> 00:28:21,488 and a spectrum of holistic treatments. 378 00:28:23,356 --> 00:28:24,291 I like this. 379 00:28:25,859 --> 00:28:26,693 -Okay. 380 00:28:39,840 --> 00:28:41,942 -Babe, I can't believe this is our honeymoon. 381 00:28:43,977 --> 00:28:47,614 -We'll be there in Hawaii. I'll wear that bikini. 382 00:28:52,285 --> 00:28:53,821 -What are you doing? 383 00:28:53,854 --> 00:28:56,323 -A hospital is a terrible place to be if you're sick. 384 00:28:56,356 --> 00:28:57,657 I mean, there are germs in the hospital 385 00:28:57,690 --> 00:28:59,927 that you can't get anywhere else. 386 00:28:59,960 --> 00:29:02,429 If the germs don't get you, the food will. 387 00:29:02,462 --> 00:29:04,965 So, I'm staying. 388 00:29:04,998 --> 00:29:08,368 Besides, this is our honeymoon. 389 00:29:18,912 --> 00:29:20,313 -Come in. 390 00:29:21,648 --> 00:29:23,750 -You've got visitors. 391 00:29:23,783 --> 00:29:27,955 -Ooh. So you are rock solid, sweetheart. 392 00:29:27,988 --> 00:29:31,925 Oh. Twenty nodes out, all negative. 393 00:29:31,959 --> 00:29:34,494 -I know. -That is so impressive. 394 00:29:34,527 --> 00:29:38,265 Now, Kent and Kati and I went Christmas shopping near Max's, 395 00:29:38,298 --> 00:29:40,700 but we didn't find a thing for you. 396 00:29:40,733 --> 00:29:42,435 -Thanks, Mom. 397 00:29:42,469 --> 00:29:44,304 -We are busting you outta here tomorrow. 398 00:29:44,337 --> 00:29:45,772 -I can't wait! 399 00:29:45,805 --> 00:29:47,740 I'm so excited! -Me too. I missed you. 400 00:29:47,774 --> 00:29:48,842 -I missed you. - 401 00:29:48,876 --> 00:29:51,644 -Come home for Christmas. 402 00:29:51,678 --> 00:29:52,812 -We have cookies ready... 403 00:29:52,846 --> 00:29:54,581 -Presents. -Yep. 404 00:29:54,614 --> 00:29:57,650 -Oh, you're gonna get so many presents. 405 00:29:57,684 --> 00:29:59,519 -Oh, my favorite. - Oh. 406 00:31:36,816 --> 00:31:41,021 -Since your tumor was estrogen positive, 407 00:31:41,054 --> 00:31:43,856 the--the hormonal shifts with being pregnant 408 00:31:43,890 --> 00:31:48,595 would be like fertilizer for any remaining cells. 409 00:31:48,628 --> 00:31:51,531 I think it's an amazing sign that you're-- 410 00:31:51,564 --> 00:31:54,467 that you're pregnant, Terry. I do. 411 00:31:54,501 --> 00:31:57,437 And if, if you're free of this in two years, 412 00:31:57,470 --> 00:32:01,041 you can get pregnant again. 413 00:32:01,074 --> 00:32:03,110 -So we'll wait. 414 00:32:03,143 --> 00:32:05,778 Hey, we'll do it again. 415 00:32:05,812 --> 00:32:06,946 And you're a healthy girl 416 00:32:06,980 --> 00:32:09,016 and we're gonna start a big fucking family. 417 00:32:17,190 --> 00:32:19,059 Thanks, Doc. 418 00:32:19,092 --> 00:32:20,193 Of course. 419 00:32:30,537 --> 00:32:33,140 Sorry I haven't written in so long. 420 00:32:33,173 --> 00:32:36,743 The big news now is that we're moving to Lake Tahoe. 421 00:32:38,945 --> 00:32:41,648 It all came about because I accidentally got pregnant. 422 00:32:43,083 --> 00:32:45,518 I cried for a week. 423 00:32:45,552 --> 00:32:49,689 It made me realize how much I really want Ken's child. 424 00:32:49,722 --> 00:32:51,691 Kids love Ken. 425 00:32:51,724 --> 00:32:52,925 He says it's because 426 00:32:52,959 --> 00:32:55,028 he's the same emotional age as they are. 427 00:32:57,997 --> 00:33:00,033 We'll be clear in two years though. 428 00:33:00,067 --> 00:33:01,734 Honey, are you ready? 429 00:33:03,103 --> 00:33:05,538 I told the magazine I'd fax your interview today. 430 00:33:05,572 --> 00:33:06,706 When we met, 431 00:33:06,739 --> 00:33:10,210 he owned one desk chair, a typewriter ... 432 00:33:10,243 --> 00:33:12,212 Okay, Mr. Wilber. 433 00:33:12,245 --> 00:33:13,813 ... and 4,000 books. 434 00:33:13,846 --> 00:33:15,482 Why don't you start by explaining 435 00:33:15,515 --> 00:33:18,585 what you mean by the "perennial philosophy"? 436 00:33:18,618 --> 00:33:21,254 Okay, well, the human body, for example, 437 00:33:21,288 --> 00:33:23,823 has 208 bones, one heart and two kidneys, 438 00:33:23,856 --> 00:33:26,025 whether it appears in Mozambique or Manhattan, 439 00:33:26,059 --> 00:33:27,827 whether today or a thousand years ago. 440 00:33:27,860 --> 00:33:30,197 These we call "deep structures." 441 00:33:32,632 --> 00:33:35,868 Well, just as the human body universally grows hair, 442 00:33:35,902 --> 00:33:38,705 the human mind universally grows ideas, 443 00:33:38,738 --> 00:33:42,008 and the human spirit universally grows intuitions. 444 00:33:42,041 --> 00:33:44,511 -It's hard to see what many religions, 445 00:33:44,544 --> 00:33:48,115 like Buddhism and Christianity, for instance, might agree on. 446 00:33:48,148 --> 00:33:50,517 -Mm. We charge extra for that. 447 00:33:50,550 --> 00:33:53,686 -Oh, come on. Give me six points. 448 00:33:53,720 --> 00:33:58,525 -All right. One, spirit exists. Two, it resides within. 449 00:33:58,558 --> 00:34:00,627 Three, most of us don't realize this 450 00:34:00,660 --> 00:34:03,062 because we're living in an illusory state of separation. 451 00:34:03,096 --> 00:34:06,099 Four, there is a path out of this state. 452 00:34:06,133 --> 00:34:09,702 Five, if you follow this path, the result is transcendence, 453 00:34:09,736 --> 00:34:13,773 which, six, marks the end of suffering. 454 00:34:15,675 --> 00:34:16,776 Now take your pants off. 455 00:34:17,877 --> 00:34:18,911 -Mr. Wilber! 456 00:34:20,713 --> 00:34:24,083 Okay, so you're saying that spirit exists within? 457 00:34:24,117 --> 00:34:25,084 -Yes. 458 00:34:26,353 --> 00:34:29,322 And it's found by consistently looking within 459 00:34:29,356 --> 00:34:34,093 until within becomes beyond. 460 00:34:34,127 --> 00:34:35,295 -Within, huh? 461 00:34:43,703 --> 00:34:45,172 Okay, so for the grand prize. 462 00:34:55,682 --> 00:35:01,154 -So by looking at my mind, I eventually transcend the mind? 463 00:35:01,188 --> 00:35:02,289 -Exactly. 464 00:35:06,826 --> 00:35:08,161 -You wanna get something to eat? 465 00:35:10,096 --> 00:35:13,833 Or I could make spaghetti again. 466 00:35:13,866 --> 00:35:15,668 I'm trying to transcend. 467 00:35:15,702 --> 00:35:20,139 I'm starving. Transcendence can wait. 468 00:35:27,847 --> 00:35:29,849 Hello, Dr. Richard's office. 469 00:35:29,882 --> 00:35:31,718 -Hi. This is Terry Killam Wilber. 470 00:35:31,751 --> 00:35:33,386 Can I please speak to Dr. Richards, please? 471 00:35:33,420 --> 00:35:35,121 Of course, one second. 472 00:35:35,154 --> 00:35:36,088 Hey, Terry. 473 00:35:36,122 --> 00:35:38,157 It's Dr. Richards. 474 00:35:38,191 --> 00:35:41,628 Listen, we got the results of your test back today. 475 00:35:41,661 --> 00:35:43,363 Look, I'm really sorry to say this. 476 00:35:43,396 --> 00:35:46,733 It's--it's an unusual kind of recurrence. 477 00:35:46,766 --> 00:35:49,402 But I don't want you to worry. We can take care of this. 478 00:35:49,436 --> 00:35:50,970 So, when can you come back in? 479 00:35:51,003 --> 00:35:52,171 -Uh, I can be there tomorrow. 480 00:35:54,140 --> 00:35:56,943 Okay. Thank you. 481 00:36:01,180 --> 00:36:02,715 If it is, it is. 482 00:36:08,921 --> 00:36:10,823 Hello, how are you doing? 483 00:36:10,857 --> 00:36:11,891 -Good. 484 00:36:11,924 --> 00:36:13,059 Comfortable? 485 00:36:13,092 --> 00:36:14,093 -Yeah. 486 00:36:14,126 --> 00:36:15,027 Good. 487 00:36:16,396 --> 00:36:21,167 So, when I remove your right breast today, 488 00:36:21,200 --> 00:36:22,302 Dr. Harvey will be reducing 489 00:36:22,335 --> 00:36:24,771 the size of your left. -Yeah. 490 00:36:24,804 --> 00:36:28,841 -See, some of the cells got caught on the drainage tube. 491 00:36:28,875 --> 00:36:31,143 And so when we took that out, they got caught on the skin 492 00:36:31,177 --> 00:36:32,879 and were left behind. 493 00:36:32,912 --> 00:36:35,248 And I promise you, we will get them all today, Terry. 494 00:36:35,282 --> 00:36:36,182 Okay. 495 00:36:38,751 --> 00:36:39,486 -Okay. 496 00:36:41,721 --> 00:36:43,890 There. 497 00:36:43,923 --> 00:36:46,759 All right, so we're gonna have to move your nipple up. 498 00:36:46,793 --> 00:36:48,261 But we can do this without severing the connection 499 00:36:48,295 --> 00:36:49,862 with the milk ducts. 500 00:36:49,896 --> 00:36:51,864 So that way, the breast stays functional 501 00:36:51,898 --> 00:36:54,901 and if you ever decide you want to have a child. 502 00:36:59,071 --> 00:37:02,375 -Okay. Eighty-three. All right? 503 00:37:02,409 --> 00:37:04,143 If you don't mind, can you just stand up here? 504 00:37:04,176 --> 00:37:05,778 I'm just gonna-- - Uh, yeah. 505 00:37:05,812 --> 00:37:06,846 Unfortunately, I'm gonna have to draw on you 506 00:37:06,879 --> 00:37:08,214 a little bit. -That's okay. 507 00:37:14,354 --> 00:37:15,488 -Hey, come in, come in. -Hi. 508 00:37:19,926 --> 00:37:22,795 Um, hi, sweetie, is it-- 509 00:37:22,829 --> 00:37:23,896 is this all right? 510 00:37:23,930 --> 00:37:24,997 It's fine, Mom. 511 00:37:26,299 --> 00:37:27,934 It's okay, Come, and I'll show you. 512 00:37:31,538 --> 00:37:33,205 -I'll be right back, baby. 513 00:37:33,239 --> 00:37:34,474 Okay, sweetheart. 514 00:38:44,210 --> 00:38:46,446 -I mean, you're like such a stud! 515 00:38:46,479 --> 00:38:48,981 Total stud. 516 00:38:49,015 --> 00:38:50,216 No. -Yes. 517 00:38:52,351 --> 00:38:55,087 -Look, it's been with us a year, 518 00:38:55,121 --> 00:38:57,156 as long as we've been married. 519 00:38:59,291 --> 00:39:04,564 The program's straightforward: diet... megavitamins... 520 00:39:04,597 --> 00:39:06,466 ... 521 00:39:06,499 --> 00:39:09,301 sexercise! 522 00:39:09,335 --> 00:39:11,037 -More sexercise. 523 00:39:13,506 --> 00:39:16,075 I think I was more upset about your boob than you were. 524 00:39:16,108 --> 00:39:19,211 -Yeah, well, it was worth it. 525 00:39:19,245 --> 00:39:20,179 -Yeah. 526 00:39:21,448 --> 00:39:24,316 -The doctors seem unanimous. 527 00:39:24,350 --> 00:39:25,284 -Biggest stud I know. 528 00:39:26,886 --> 00:39:28,054 -I love you, Kati. 529 00:39:28,087 --> 00:39:29,355 -I love you. 530 00:39:46,906 --> 00:39:49,241 Hello? 531 00:39:49,275 --> 00:39:50,342 Yes. 532 00:39:55,314 --> 00:39:56,415 Mm-hm. 533 00:39:59,385 --> 00:40:00,352 I see. 534 00:40:05,391 --> 00:40:06,593 Okay, thank you. 535 00:40:21,474 --> 00:40:22,509 -What? 536 00:40:26,546 --> 00:40:32,685 Look, I'm barely stage two, estrogen positive, clean nodes. 537 00:40:35,622 --> 00:40:37,524 -The opinions were divided. 538 00:40:41,193 --> 00:40:43,462 -Just fucking tell me straight, Ken! 539 00:40:46,999 --> 00:40:49,235 -Recurrence within a year. 540 00:40:49,268 --> 00:40:53,973 Recurrence in a radiated area. Estrogen negative. 541 00:40:54,006 --> 00:40:55,474 Grade four, stage four. 542 00:41:11,658 --> 00:41:15,995 No. 543 00:41:16,028 --> 00:41:17,429 I don't want it. 544 00:41:17,463 --> 00:41:20,066 Please. No. 545 00:41:24,203 --> 00:41:27,006 -Listen, listen. 546 00:41:27,039 --> 00:41:28,708 What does this decision all hinge on? 547 00:41:30,309 --> 00:41:34,046 -Intellect isn't going to save the day now, Ken. 548 00:41:45,291 --> 00:41:47,126 Okay. What? 549 00:41:49,361 --> 00:41:52,665 -The pathology report. Dr. Lagios. 550 00:41:52,699 --> 00:41:54,500 He's the one that's been staring down the microscope 551 00:41:54,533 --> 00:41:56,636 at your cells, and it's his report 552 00:41:56,669 --> 00:41:58,605 that these doctors are trying to interpret. 553 00:42:04,476 --> 00:42:06,178 You want me to call or you? 554 00:42:11,483 --> 00:42:13,820 -Doctors listen to men. You call. 555 00:42:25,264 --> 00:42:26,799 -Dr. Lagios, please. 556 00:42:26,833 --> 00:42:28,735 It's Ken Wilber. It's urgent. 557 00:42:33,740 --> 00:42:37,710 Dr. Lagios, I know this is unusual, 558 00:42:37,744 --> 00:42:41,147 but Terry and I have some difficult decisions to make, 559 00:42:41,180 --> 00:42:43,449 and I was wondering if I can just talk to you for a minute. 560 00:42:46,719 --> 00:42:48,755 Dr. Lagios, our doctors are divided 561 00:42:48,788 --> 00:42:52,358 as to whether Terry's recurrence was local or metastatic. 562 00:42:52,391 --> 00:42:53,492 I just want to know 563 00:42:53,525 --> 00:42:55,527 how aggressive the cells look to you. 564 00:42:56,763 --> 00:42:57,764 Please. 565 00:43:08,708 --> 00:43:11,077 Tell me, Dr. Lagios. 566 00:43:11,110 --> 00:43:13,445 If this was your wife, would you recommend chemo? 567 00:43:17,416 --> 00:43:18,417 And the odds? 568 00:43:51,583 --> 00:43:52,785 -Whfff. 569 00:43:55,788 --> 00:43:59,158 Suicide sounds nice right about now. 570 00:44:02,394 --> 00:44:04,363 -The Reglan's hitting you hard. 571 00:44:04,396 --> 00:44:06,265 You're having a bad histamine reaction. 572 00:44:06,298 --> 00:44:07,900 Just hold on for the Benadryl, okay? 573 00:44:07,934 --> 00:44:09,335 Could you start the Benadryl? 574 00:44:12,705 --> 00:44:13,773 Hang in there. 575 00:44:13,806 --> 00:44:15,174 We'll be back at the hotel in no time, okay? 576 00:44:23,916 --> 00:44:26,385 You got this. You got this. 577 00:44:46,538 --> 00:44:47,573 -Are you okay? 578 00:44:47,606 --> 00:44:49,275 -Yeah. Keep reading to me. 579 00:44:55,614 --> 00:44:57,884 The witness exercise from No Boundary , would you? 580 00:45:04,891 --> 00:45:09,195 -"I have a body, but I am not my body. 581 00:45:09,228 --> 00:45:11,463 "My body may be tired or excited, 582 00:45:11,497 --> 00:45:14,700 "sick or healthy, anxious or calm, 583 00:45:14,733 --> 00:45:18,704 "but that has nothing to do with my inward I. 584 00:45:18,737 --> 00:45:22,441 "I have emotions, but I am not my emotions. 585 00:45:22,474 --> 00:45:24,576 Emotions pass through me." 586 00:45:27,279 --> 00:45:33,452 It really helps, it just doesn't last. 587 00:45:33,485 --> 00:45:36,655 I feel like I'm crawling out of my skin. 588 00:45:36,688 --> 00:45:40,392 Suicide sounds sensible. 589 00:45:40,426 --> 00:45:41,693 Oh, god. Hm. 590 00:45:41,727 --> 00:45:42,795 -Nietzche used to say 591 00:45:42,829 --> 00:45:44,363 that the only way he got to sleep at night 592 00:45:44,396 --> 00:45:46,966 was by promising to kill himself in the morning. 593 00:45:52,438 --> 00:45:54,573 -Okay. Read me more. 594 00:45:57,877 --> 00:46:01,580 The part about the... the witness being immortal. 595 00:46:04,016 --> 00:46:06,418 -Sure. 596 00:46:06,452 --> 00:46:08,320 "Perhaps you, like most people, 597 00:46:08,354 --> 00:46:09,688 "feel that you are 598 00:46:09,721 --> 00:46:12,491 "basically the same person you were yesterday. 599 00:46:12,524 --> 00:46:14,393 "You probably also feel that you are fundamentally 600 00:46:14,426 --> 00:46:17,729 "the same person you were a year ago. 601 00:46:17,763 --> 00:46:20,833 "Put another way: you never remember a time 602 00:46:20,867 --> 00:46:23,302 "when you weren't you. 603 00:46:23,335 --> 00:46:24,871 "In other words, something in you 604 00:46:24,904 --> 00:46:28,841 "seems to remain untouched by the passage of time. 605 00:46:28,875 --> 00:46:32,011 "Your mind, your body, your feelings, 606 00:46:32,044 --> 00:46:34,981 "all have changed with time. 607 00:46:35,014 --> 00:46:39,418 "But you know that something has not changed. 608 00:46:39,451 --> 00:46:41,487 Something feels the same." 609 00:46:49,061 --> 00:46:51,797 Chemo is based on a single principle: 610 00:46:51,830 --> 00:46:55,767 cancer cells divide and grow twice as fast as healthy cells. 611 00:46:58,337 --> 00:47:00,406 The idea is to kill some healthy cells, 612 00:47:00,439 --> 00:47:03,309 but many more bad cells. 613 00:47:03,342 --> 00:47:04,944 At the end of a successful round, 614 00:47:04,977 --> 00:47:07,914 the tumor is dead and the patient only half-dead. 615 00:47:10,049 --> 00:47:12,851 Ken and I stood in front of the mirror together, 616 00:47:12,885 --> 00:47:15,787 staring at the odd sight of the both of us, 617 00:47:15,821 --> 00:47:18,324 just laughing. 618 00:47:18,357 --> 00:47:20,492 Ken's been unbelievably supportive, 619 00:47:20,526 --> 00:47:23,963 and that he keeps me laughing has saved my life. 620 00:47:23,996 --> 00:47:26,398 When I first shaved my head, 621 00:47:26,432 --> 00:47:30,736 he told me I'm the sexiest woman he's ever been with. 622 00:47:30,769 --> 00:47:32,905 And then he told me he likes my head so much this way 623 00:47:32,939 --> 00:47:34,040 that after it grows back, 624 00:47:34,073 --> 00:47:36,943 he wants me to shave it again. 625 00:47:36,976 --> 00:47:38,577 Linda Conger came up to Tahoe 626 00:47:38,610 --> 00:47:40,512 to photograph us together. 627 00:47:40,546 --> 00:47:43,482 During the shoot, Ken put on my breast prosthesis 628 00:47:43,515 --> 00:47:45,451 and suggested Linda shoot us nude 629 00:47:45,484 --> 00:47:47,653 from the waist up. 630 00:47:47,686 --> 00:47:52,791 My god, the three of us laughed so hard we cried. 631 00:47:52,824 --> 00:47:55,794 That's kinda how it is with cancer, I guess, 632 00:47:55,827 --> 00:47:59,865 cry till you laugh and laugh till you cry. 633 00:47:59,898 --> 00:48:02,601 "The rough parts were losing my period, 634 00:48:02,634 --> 00:48:07,906 "mouth sores, painful bowel, blood sometimes. 635 00:48:07,940 --> 00:48:11,043 "But it's amazing what human beings can endure. 636 00:48:11,077 --> 00:48:12,444 "And Kristen and I hosting the group 637 00:48:12,478 --> 00:48:13,879 "from the Wellness Center... 638 00:48:13,912 --> 00:48:16,548 I was so inspired by the stories." 639 00:48:16,582 --> 00:48:19,451 After that, it started to get tough. 640 00:48:19,485 --> 00:48:21,954 Ken hasn't written in forever. 641 00:48:21,988 --> 00:48:24,490 He's given up his life to care for me, 642 00:48:24,523 --> 00:48:27,960 all day, all night, every day and night. 643 00:48:27,994 --> 00:48:30,762 Since right when we got married. 644 00:48:30,796 --> 00:48:31,964 " One night, a good friend of mine 645 00:48:31,998 --> 00:48:35,134 "called to ask for some insight about cancer. 646 00:48:35,167 --> 00:48:37,769 "She called for Ken and didn't even ask me. 647 00:48:37,803 --> 00:48:39,705 "I defended, and then it spiraled. 648 00:48:43,175 --> 00:48:44,610 "We've been getting counseling support 649 00:48:44,643 --> 00:48:46,945 "visiting Frances and Roger, 650 00:48:46,979 --> 00:48:50,182 though many days it just seems like it can't work." 651 00:48:54,686 --> 00:48:56,855 God, it'll be almost two years. 652 00:48:58,490 --> 00:49:01,560 With Ken's love, I've managed treatments pretty well. 653 00:49:02,861 --> 00:49:04,430 What caught us from behind 654 00:49:04,463 --> 00:49:08,667 is the emotional and psychological devastation. 655 00:49:08,700 --> 00:49:11,637 And I don't think Ken can endure living only for me 656 00:49:11,670 --> 00:49:13,839 without living for himself. 657 00:49:15,941 --> 00:49:18,477 On top of it all, since moving to Tahoe, 658 00:49:18,510 --> 00:49:21,480 Ken seems to have caught some sort of strange bug 659 00:49:21,513 --> 00:49:22,881 no one can identify. 660 00:49:25,084 --> 00:49:26,685 And on top of that, 661 00:49:26,718 --> 00:49:30,122 I can't seem to help being defensive, even grating, 662 00:49:31,990 --> 00:49:34,126 and Ken's dropped into depression. 663 00:49:35,661 --> 00:49:40,599 Better news soon, but always with love, Treya. 664 00:49:46,538 --> 00:49:48,006 -Hi. 665 00:49:48,040 --> 00:49:49,108 Hi. 666 00:49:49,141 --> 00:49:50,276 -Thank you for coming. 667 00:49:51,610 --> 00:49:52,878 -Such a pleasure to be here. 668 00:49:52,911 --> 00:49:55,481 I-I-I am a huge fan of your work. 669 00:49:55,514 --> 00:49:58,617 I can't tell you how much your books have affected me. 670 00:49:58,650 --> 00:50:00,286 -Great, thanks. Come on in. 671 00:50:01,853 --> 00:50:04,890 So Ken, what are you working on now? 672 00:50:04,923 --> 00:50:06,058 I haven't really 673 00:50:06,092 --> 00:50:07,626 done any extended writing for some time. 674 00:50:10,962 --> 00:50:12,931 Just not coming anymore. 675 00:50:12,964 --> 00:50:13,965 That period is over. 676 00:50:17,269 --> 00:50:18,204 -Wow. 677 00:50:20,539 --> 00:50:22,541 What it must be like to be called 678 00:50:22,574 --> 00:50:25,844 the greatest philosopher of consciousness since Freud, 679 00:50:25,877 --> 00:50:27,045 and feel it evaporating. 680 00:50:31,016 --> 00:50:33,085 -More fun than a human should be allowed to have. 681 00:52:06,945 --> 00:52:08,980 -The greater the love, the greater the pain. 682 00:52:09,014 --> 00:52:11,116 The greater the love, the greater the pain. 683 00:52:11,149 --> 00:52:13,652 The greater the love, the greater the pain. 684 00:52:15,721 --> 00:52:17,088 "He has no enemies. 685 00:52:17,122 --> 00:52:19,425 He's just intensely disliked by all his friends." 686 00:52:56,862 --> 00:52:57,896 Flatline 687 00:53:00,799 --> 00:53:01,900 It's check out time. 688 00:53:36,268 --> 00:53:38,136 -Can you do that in the other room, please? 689 00:53:44,276 --> 00:53:46,978 -I like to read the paper here. 690 00:53:47,012 --> 00:53:51,149 It's my favorite place for that. I look forward to it. 691 00:53:58,089 --> 00:54:00,326 -Look, this is my office. 692 00:54:00,359 --> 00:54:03,729 All three other rooms are dedicated to your needs. 693 00:54:03,762 --> 00:54:07,132 Including an office. So, find one. 694 00:54:07,165 --> 00:54:08,199 -No. 695 00:54:19,811 --> 00:54:24,215 -This is the only thing I have left for myself. 696 00:54:26,251 --> 00:54:27,953 It's not a lot to ask. 697 00:54:29,321 --> 00:54:31,523 -You know, it's really aggravating when you're snide. 698 00:54:33,124 --> 00:54:34,259 I'm reading here. 699 00:54:40,832 --> 00:54:41,567 -Get out. 700 00:54:44,035 --> 00:54:44,970 -No! 701 00:54:47,172 --> 00:54:48,374 -What the fuck else can I do! 702 00:54:48,407 --> 00:54:49,908 Get out! 703 00:54:49,941 --> 00:54:51,377 -Get out yourself! 704 00:54:51,410 --> 00:54:53,412 -You goddamn obnoxious bitch! 705 00:54:53,445 --> 00:54:55,414 -Fuck you, Ken. Fuck you! 706 00:54:55,447 --> 00:54:59,351 Get, get off me! 707 00:55:01,152 --> 00:55:02,053 I don't know what you want! 708 00:55:02,087 --> 00:55:03,121 Fuck you! 709 00:55:15,901 --> 00:55:17,469 -I'm leaving. 710 00:55:17,503 --> 00:55:19,871 I'm going to San Francisco. 711 00:55:19,905 --> 00:55:22,841 I hate what we're doing. You can come or you can-- 712 00:55:22,874 --> 00:55:24,009 -Leave. 713 00:55:26,011 --> 00:55:27,446 Ah, just leave. 714 00:55:56,341 --> 00:55:58,844 Hi, honey, it's Mom. 715 00:55:58,877 --> 00:56:03,048 You know what we think of Ken. I don't mean that. 716 00:56:03,081 --> 00:56:05,050 We just don't agree with what he writes. 717 00:56:05,083 --> 00:56:07,118 That's all. 718 00:56:07,152 --> 00:56:11,122 Any man would be so lucky to have you. 719 00:56:12,958 --> 00:56:14,325 Hi, Terry. It's Vicky. 720 00:56:14,359 --> 00:56:15,594 Pick up if you're there. 721 00:56:17,496 --> 00:56:18,363 So you call me 722 00:56:18,396 --> 00:56:21,600 if you need anything. 723 00:56:21,633 --> 00:56:23,068 I love you. 724 00:56:31,577 --> 00:56:32,911 Hi, Terry. It's Vicki. 725 00:56:32,944 --> 00:56:34,012 Pick up if you're there. 726 00:56:34,045 --> 00:56:34,946 You call me 727 00:56:34,980 --> 00:56:37,616 if you need anything. 728 00:56:37,649 --> 00:56:39,350 I love you. 729 00:56:41,019 --> 00:56:41,987 Hi, Terry. It's Vicki. 730 00:56:42,020 --> 00:56:43,421 Pick up if you're there. 731 00:56:43,455 --> 00:56:46,391 Ken called. He's in San Francisco. 732 00:56:46,424 --> 00:56:48,494 He's getting help. 733 00:56:48,527 --> 00:56:51,262 I thought you should know. 734 00:56:51,296 --> 00:56:54,365 I want to be supportive. 735 00:56:54,399 --> 00:56:57,002 You deserve each other, Terry. 736 00:56:58,704 --> 00:57:01,039 I know you're listening. 737 00:57:01,072 --> 00:57:01,973 I love you. 738 00:57:08,379 --> 00:57:09,715 -I have to let go... 739 00:57:13,318 --> 00:57:15,153 I have to let go, to hold on. 740 00:57:18,990 --> 00:57:19,691 My husband. 741 00:57:30,969 --> 00:57:31,703 -My wife. 742 00:58:25,724 --> 00:58:28,093 -"Treya..." 743 00:58:28,126 --> 00:58:29,060 My dearest. 744 00:58:29,094 --> 00:58:32,397 -"My dearest, I am sorry." 745 00:58:32,430 --> 00:58:33,331 I'm sorry. 746 00:58:35,266 --> 00:58:37,435 -"I've searched a thousand lifetimes 747 00:58:37,468 --> 00:58:44,442 "to find you, and I can't let you go, I won't. 748 00:58:44,475 --> 00:58:46,311 "Not now, not ever. 749 00:58:48,079 --> 00:58:51,482 "Not in this lifetime, or any other. 750 00:58:51,516 --> 00:58:54,285 "I love you with all of my soul. 751 00:58:54,319 --> 00:58:56,054 Please come back to me, my love..." 752 00:58:56,087 --> 00:58:58,156 Please, come back to me. 753 00:58:58,189 --> 00:58:59,224 -My soul. 754 00:58:59,257 --> 00:59:00,291 My soul. 755 00:59:03,128 --> 00:59:05,030 -"I'm coming to get you tomorrow." 756 00:59:05,063 --> 00:59:10,068 "You and me. Forever. 757 00:59:11,770 --> 00:59:13,138 It's all I know." 758 00:59:16,407 --> 00:59:17,843 It's all I'm gonna do. 759 01:00:10,461 --> 01:00:11,529 -Hello. 760 01:00:11,562 --> 01:00:13,231 Hello, Mr. Wilber. 761 01:00:13,264 --> 01:00:14,332 -Yeah. 762 01:00:14,365 --> 01:00:15,566 My name is Edith Zundel, 763 01:00:15,600 --> 01:00:17,402 from West Germany. 764 01:00:17,435 --> 01:00:20,105 I'm doing a book of interviews with avant-garde psychologists 765 01:00:20,138 --> 01:00:22,340 and I'd really like to interview you. 766 01:00:22,373 --> 01:00:25,243 -I appreciate that, Edith, but I-I don't do interviews. 767 01:00:25,276 --> 01:00:26,678 I'm staying with Frances Vaughan 768 01:00:26,712 --> 01:00:29,547 and Roger Walsh. I've come a long way 769 01:00:29,580 --> 01:00:31,149 and would really like to talk with you. 770 01:00:31,182 --> 01:00:33,151 Please. - 771 01:00:33,184 --> 01:00:34,886 -Here's the thing, Edith. 772 01:00:34,920 --> 01:00:37,555 Most authors end up appearing as teachers 773 01:00:37,588 --> 01:00:40,258 when they do interviews, and it's just not me. 774 01:00:40,291 --> 01:00:42,460 I can appreciate that, Mr. Wilber. 775 01:00:42,493 --> 01:00:45,897 I know you've only given four interviews in 15 years. 776 01:00:45,931 --> 01:00:48,366 Your synthesis of Eastern and Western psychologies 777 01:00:48,399 --> 01:00:50,702 has had a major impact. 778 01:00:50,736 --> 01:00:54,639 It would just be a few questions, as a scholar. 779 01:00:54,672 --> 01:00:57,542 All ten of your books have been hugely popular in Germany. 780 01:00:57,575 --> 01:00:59,677 I even have copies in Japanese. 781 01:00:59,711 --> 01:01:03,148 -Oh, the two peaceful countries. 782 01:01:03,181 --> 01:01:04,249 Frances and Roger 783 01:01:04,282 --> 01:01:07,953 told me about Terry. I'm very sorry. 784 01:01:10,789 --> 01:01:12,891 -Okay, Edith, come on over this afternoon. 785 01:01:15,693 --> 01:01:18,463 Babe! 786 01:01:18,496 --> 01:01:21,166 My period returned. 787 01:01:28,206 --> 01:01:30,508 Maybe I can have your child after all. 788 01:01:30,541 --> 01:01:31,476 Yes, baby. 789 01:01:32,978 --> 01:01:36,714 -I think Frances and Roger were right. 790 01:01:36,748 --> 01:01:41,853 It doesn't matter what we say as... much as how we say it. 791 01:01:41,887 --> 01:01:48,593 Hm. Yeah. Please... clean the car. 792 01:01:48,626 --> 01:01:52,297 Clean the house, and... see me in the bedroom. 793 01:01:52,330 --> 01:01:53,598 -You can see more of me 794 01:01:53,631 --> 01:01:55,666 walking away to go garden, mister. 795 01:02:11,783 --> 01:02:12,984 Chris is the only one here 796 01:02:13,018 --> 01:02:15,821 who works like this. But she's vastly popular. 797 01:02:18,890 --> 01:02:21,392 -Bill has an inoperable brain tumor. 798 01:02:21,426 --> 01:02:23,862 I'm working on containing and shrinking it. 799 01:02:25,831 --> 01:02:27,632 Bill came here on a gurney 800 01:02:27,665 --> 01:02:30,401 from the hospital last week with two tumors 801 01:02:30,435 --> 01:02:31,669 which Chris shrank. 802 01:02:31,702 --> 01:02:32,904 But one grew back. 803 01:02:37,008 --> 01:02:39,410 I would love to meet Ken later. 804 01:02:39,444 --> 01:02:43,014 Up From Eden was incredible. I'm a fan. 805 01:02:44,749 --> 01:02:47,585 -Okay, Bill. Off you go. 806 01:02:47,618 --> 01:02:50,989 I feel the cold spot's gone. You're good for today. 807 01:02:51,022 --> 01:02:52,490 Thanks. 808 01:02:52,523 --> 01:02:53,458 -Treya? 809 01:03:02,700 --> 01:03:06,872 Oh. Hm. Cool here. 810 01:03:08,874 --> 01:03:12,277 Make sure you tell me if you feel any really cold spots. 811 01:03:12,310 --> 01:03:14,379 -Cool there. 812 01:03:14,412 --> 01:03:15,981 -There's something going on in the pancreas. 813 01:03:16,014 --> 01:03:19,384 -Oh, I forgot to tell you, I have diabetes. 814 01:03:19,417 --> 01:03:21,786 -Cancer is caused by a virus... 815 01:03:21,819 --> 01:03:25,390 and that virus may still be here, hiding, 816 01:03:25,423 --> 01:03:28,927 even though medical doctors say it's gone. 817 01:03:28,960 --> 01:03:33,899 What I'm doing now is keeping it from moving. 818 01:03:33,932 --> 01:03:36,434 I had cancer when I was 23. 819 01:03:36,467 --> 01:03:39,704 It led me to all kinds of doctors and healers. 820 01:03:39,737 --> 01:03:42,673 I was arrested once for healing a child with leukemia. 821 01:03:42,707 --> 01:03:45,810 Can you imagine that? Like that's a crime. 822 01:03:45,843 --> 01:03:48,379 It is about raising vibrations. 823 01:03:48,413 --> 01:03:52,783 But it's also mathematical and totally teachable. 824 01:03:52,817 --> 01:03:55,853 My dream is to go into a Third World country 825 01:03:55,887 --> 01:03:58,456 and teach others how to heal. 826 01:03:58,489 --> 01:04:00,025 But that's not allowed in the US. 827 01:04:02,427 --> 01:04:03,828 -Hi, there. 828 01:04:05,363 --> 01:04:08,766 -Ken Wilber. It's a pleasure. 829 01:04:08,799 --> 01:04:10,801 -Pleasure. 830 01:04:10,835 --> 01:04:13,604 -Do you want to give it a go? It's perfect timing, 831 01:04:13,638 --> 01:04:16,607 and you'll both know the method for later. 832 01:04:16,641 --> 01:04:17,642 -Sounds great. 833 01:04:20,845 --> 01:04:22,380 We've been looking forward to meeting you, Chris. 834 01:04:28,153 --> 01:04:32,490 Okay. Okay. 835 01:04:32,523 --> 01:04:33,724 Okay. 836 01:04:36,861 --> 01:04:38,663 I feel no coldness anywhere. 837 01:04:40,098 --> 01:04:41,499 You? 838 01:04:41,532 --> 01:04:42,567 -Nope. 839 01:04:46,504 --> 01:04:48,873 -Very interesting. 840 01:04:48,906 --> 01:04:52,710 So, there are ten channels on each side of the brain. 841 01:04:52,743 --> 01:04:55,013 For most people, two or three sides are opened up. 842 01:04:55,046 --> 01:04:57,015 Four at the most. 843 01:04:57,048 --> 01:05:01,752 In my brain, all ten channels on both sides are open to ten. 844 01:05:01,786 --> 01:05:03,688 I mean, this kind of thing doesn't happen 845 01:05:03,721 --> 01:05:06,491 but every 2,000 years. 846 01:05:06,524 --> 01:05:09,560 The last person before me was the Buddha. 847 01:05:09,594 --> 01:05:13,164 But, Ken, you are open on one side of your brain to ten 848 01:05:13,198 --> 01:05:17,535 and the other side is seven. 849 01:05:19,537 --> 01:05:22,573 Holy crap. 850 01:05:22,607 --> 01:05:24,542 I really think that I can open the seven side 851 01:05:24,575 --> 01:05:27,912 all the way up. All the way. 852 01:05:27,945 --> 01:05:32,483 Okay, tell me if you smell anything strange. 853 01:05:32,517 --> 01:05:34,452 Uh, I smell smoke. 854 01:05:34,485 --> 01:05:36,587 -Good. Good. 855 01:05:36,621 --> 01:05:38,623 -Now I smell mildew. 856 01:05:40,658 --> 01:05:43,728 Oh, man. 857 01:05:44,862 --> 01:05:46,464 -Both sides are open up to ten. 858 01:05:48,533 --> 01:05:52,203 I'm blown away. Wow. I mean, so much for the theory 859 01:05:52,237 --> 01:05:55,673 that this only happens to one person every 2,000 years. 860 01:05:55,706 --> 01:05:58,843 I can't believe it. It's amazing. 861 01:05:58,876 --> 01:06:00,645 Now there are two people 862 01:06:00,678 --> 01:06:02,147 right here in this room. 863 01:06:02,180 --> 01:06:03,448 Oh, my god. 864 01:06:03,481 --> 01:06:07,052 It's so crazy. 865 01:06:09,054 --> 01:06:12,057 Cheers to that. 866 01:06:15,593 --> 01:06:17,028 -To Terry's clean bill of health. 867 01:06:18,929 --> 01:06:21,166 Since a removed port-a-cath means 868 01:06:21,199 --> 01:06:26,037 they think the possibility of another occurrence is slim. 869 01:06:26,071 --> 01:06:30,141 Another tequila for everyone. - 870 01:06:30,175 --> 01:06:31,776 -Trey. 871 01:06:31,809 --> 01:06:33,478 -Thank you. 872 01:06:33,511 --> 01:06:34,479 -Thank you. 873 01:06:34,512 --> 01:06:36,047 -Cheers! - 874 01:06:54,299 --> 01:06:56,801 Happy birthday. 875 01:07:00,638 --> 01:07:01,839 Oh, we love you. 876 01:07:03,741 --> 01:07:05,009 Thank you. 877 01:07:08,045 --> 01:07:09,947 -Make a wish. You make a wish. 878 01:07:22,727 --> 01:07:24,061 -"Important voice," I think it said. 879 01:07:24,095 --> 01:07:25,763 -I know, it does. -Mm-hm. 880 01:07:44,249 --> 01:07:47,618 Vicky! Uh-huh. 881 01:07:49,086 --> 01:07:50,020 For CSC? 882 01:07:51,656 --> 01:07:54,024 A 25,000-dollar grant! 883 01:07:54,058 --> 01:07:58,729 Oh, Vicky. Oh, Vicky. Yes. Yes! 884 01:07:58,763 --> 01:08:00,898 Okay, okay. 885 01:08:02,600 --> 01:08:03,634 All right. I'll call you back. 886 01:08:03,668 --> 01:08:06,371 Oh. 887 01:08:22,820 --> 01:08:25,790 Eight hundred pages in a month and a half. 888 01:08:25,823 --> 01:08:26,957 Ken Wilber. 889 01:08:32,997 --> 01:08:34,765 -Must be the new house. 890 01:08:34,799 --> 01:08:36,401 -Yeah, mister... must be. 891 01:08:38,636 --> 01:08:41,172 -She had a bone scan three months ago? 892 01:08:41,206 --> 01:08:44,975 Yeah, it was clear. So just a high-density CAT scan 893 01:08:45,009 --> 01:08:48,213 to see what might be causing the slight waviness in her eye. 894 01:08:48,246 --> 01:08:49,380 -Great. 895 01:08:51,216 --> 01:08:52,883 You can wait down the hall. - All right. 896 01:08:52,917 --> 01:08:55,886 The doctor should be with you shortly. 897 01:09:07,232 --> 01:09:08,132 Mr. Wilber? 898 01:09:14,171 --> 01:09:17,141 It looks like there are two or three tumors in her brain. 899 01:09:24,449 --> 01:09:25,916 One is very large... 900 01:09:32,290 --> 01:09:33,824 perhaps three centimeters. 901 01:09:37,462 --> 01:09:39,897 So we just scanned her lungs as well. 902 01:09:44,068 --> 01:09:45,035 -Um. 903 01:09:53,077 --> 01:09:56,714 -She has multiple tumors throughout both lungs... 904 01:10:06,291 --> 01:10:07,725 possibly a dozen altogether. 905 01:10:12,430 --> 01:10:15,099 I'm as shocked by this as you are. 906 01:10:15,132 --> 01:10:16,734 I think the best thing to do 907 01:10:16,767 --> 01:10:22,139 would be to tell her in my office tomorrow morning. Please. 908 01:10:22,172 --> 01:10:23,741 I think the best thing to do 909 01:10:23,774 --> 01:10:28,413 would be to tell her in my office tomorrow morning. Please. 910 01:10:28,446 --> 01:10:29,814 I want to have all the information 911 01:10:29,847 --> 01:10:31,782 ready for her beforehand. 912 01:10:36,987 --> 01:10:38,122 -Yeah. Right. Of course. 913 01:10:52,036 --> 01:10:54,872 * We rattle a gateless gate 914 01:11:00,210 --> 01:11:03,247 * And push against A weightless weight * 915 01:11:09,320 --> 01:11:12,022 * Looking for A stateless state * 916 01:11:12,056 --> 01:11:14,291 -I don't think it's anything. 917 01:11:14,325 --> 01:11:15,860 I feel clear. 918 01:11:15,893 --> 01:11:17,194 -* Nicola 919 01:11:17,227 --> 01:11:19,129 -It's probably related to blood sugar. 920 01:11:19,163 --> 01:11:22,467 -* Whatever love creates 921 01:11:22,500 --> 01:11:24,335 -We're gonna have a great life together, babe. 922 01:11:24,369 --> 01:11:26,103 You don't have to look so worried. 923 01:11:26,136 --> 01:11:29,474 -Right. No. Of course. Definitely. 924 01:11:29,507 --> 01:11:33,243 -* And all these twins 925 01:11:33,277 --> 01:11:35,346 * With different faces - * With different faces 926 01:11:37,515 --> 01:11:40,485 -* Fallen from the womb - * Fallen from the womb 927 01:11:42,152 --> 01:11:46,223 -* Risen from the tomb - * Risen from the tomb 928 01:11:46,256 --> 01:11:49,159 -* Carried in perfume - * Carried in perfume 929 01:11:51,562 --> 01:11:53,498 -* Nicola - * Nicola 930 01:12:11,248 --> 01:12:14,351 -* All the ones alive today 931 01:12:14,385 --> 01:12:18,856 No. No! No, no, no. 932 01:12:18,889 --> 01:12:21,459 I don't give a fuck! Damn it, damn it! 933 01:12:21,492 --> 01:12:24,995 -* Are the ones That passed away * 934 01:12:25,029 --> 01:12:28,966 -No! It's not fair! It's not fucking fair! 935 01:12:28,999 --> 01:12:32,102 -* Are the ones on the way 936 01:12:32,136 --> 01:12:36,407 And I could see it written on your face. 937 01:12:36,441 --> 01:12:40,044 -* Nicola -No! Please! 938 01:12:51,388 --> 01:12:54,158 I don't understand. 939 01:12:54,191 --> 01:12:56,494 I don't understand. 940 01:12:58,663 --> 01:13:01,966 Please. Please. Please. 941 01:13:01,999 --> 01:13:05,069 Please, No, No, No, No 942 01:13:10,374 --> 01:13:13,343 But I want to have your baby. 943 01:13:13,377 --> 01:13:17,081 that's all. 944 01:13:17,114 --> 01:13:19,917 Please, please, please. 945 01:13:23,954 --> 01:13:24,922 No. 946 01:13:33,097 --> 01:13:37,568 However you wanna do it... whatever you want. 947 01:13:51,448 --> 01:13:52,950 Janker Klinik. 948 01:13:55,185 --> 01:13:56,921 -Is that your choice? 949 01:13:56,954 --> 01:14:00,525 Short-term, high-dose. Germany. 950 01:14:00,558 --> 01:14:02,292 -So aggressive people 951 01:14:02,326 --> 01:14:06,263 sometimes have to be put on life support. 952 01:14:06,296 --> 01:14:12,102 But Bob Marley, Yul Brynner, 70 percent remission rate. 953 01:14:18,342 --> 01:14:22,379 I want to go. I want to try this. 954 01:14:46,370 --> 01:14:48,138 -Would you recommend this particular treatment 955 01:14:48,172 --> 01:14:50,307 for your wife? 956 01:14:50,340 --> 01:14:52,610 Never ask a doctor 957 01:14:52,643 --> 01:14:55,646 if he recommends the treatment for his wife. 958 01:14:55,680 --> 01:14:58,583 You don't know how they get along! 959 01:14:58,616 --> 01:15:01,218 No, you best ask, 960 01:15:01,251 --> 01:15:04,555 would he recommend this for his daughter. 961 01:15:06,657 --> 01:15:08,726 -Well, for your daughter? 962 01:15:08,759 --> 01:15:13,564 We do not do long-term treatments, 963 01:15:13,598 --> 01:15:16,333 as is common in America. 964 01:15:16,366 --> 01:15:22,607 Now we-we find that it lowers the quality of life. 965 01:15:22,640 --> 01:15:24,742 We must always remember that-- 966 01:15:24,775 --> 01:15:31,448 that surrounding this tumor is a human being. 967 01:15:31,481 --> 01:15:35,219 And also-- it also damages the soul. 968 01:15:35,252 --> 01:15:39,156 This is high-dose, short-term. We knock it out. 969 01:15:39,189 --> 01:15:41,792 Your white blood cell count will drop. 970 01:15:41,826 --> 01:15:44,261 And then they will rise again to 1,500. 971 01:15:44,294 --> 01:15:46,330 And then you can leave the hospital at 972 01:15:46,363 --> 01:15:49,566 at 1,800. You can take a trip. 973 01:15:49,600 --> 01:15:54,371 And when it's back up to 2,500, we can begin the next treatment. 974 01:16:03,280 --> 01:16:05,616 It's two Kolsch for five marks. 975 01:16:10,454 --> 01:16:11,856 Dr. Scheef installed it. 976 01:16:13,858 --> 01:16:17,094 He drinks 10 or 15 a day. 977 01:16:17,127 --> 01:16:19,329 -Really. Hmm. 978 01:16:20,865 --> 01:16:23,233 -He says it's the only alcohol that puts more into your system 979 01:16:23,267 --> 01:16:26,236 than it takes out. 980 01:16:26,270 --> 01:16:28,105 -Really? -Hm. 981 01:16:28,138 --> 01:16:29,674 Dr. Scheef told me about your books. 982 01:16:29,707 --> 01:16:31,608 He says you're famous. 983 01:16:31,642 --> 01:16:34,378 -Really? 984 01:16:34,411 --> 01:16:37,247 -You know, he's amazing. 985 01:16:37,281 --> 01:16:41,485 There was a German woman, severe ovarian cancer. 986 01:16:41,518 --> 01:16:44,321 She wanted to go visit her son in LA, 987 01:16:44,354 --> 01:16:46,223 but she didn't have money nor a visa. 988 01:16:46,256 --> 01:16:48,425 And I heard Scheef, he surprised her with both 989 01:16:48,458 --> 01:16:51,195 for a gift for finishing treatment. 990 01:16:51,228 --> 01:16:53,330 -Really? 991 01:16:53,363 --> 01:16:54,398 -Really. 992 01:17:13,417 --> 01:17:14,719 Treya was running the risk 993 01:17:14,752 --> 01:17:18,155 of catching pneumonia, though she went from 103.6 994 01:17:18,188 --> 01:17:20,758 to just under a hundred this morning. 995 01:17:20,791 --> 01:17:22,827 And Dr. Scheef thinks the radiation and sulfamide 996 01:17:22,860 --> 01:17:25,295 are helping. So... 997 01:17:25,329 --> 01:17:27,531 looks like we're starting a specialized chemo treatment 998 01:17:27,564 --> 01:17:30,300 on Monday. 999 01:17:30,334 --> 01:17:33,670 Treya, still amazing at every turn. 1000 01:17:41,578 --> 01:17:45,382 -Okay. I think I'm ready for lunch. 1001 01:17:45,415 --> 01:17:47,517 Dear loved ones, 1002 01:17:47,551 --> 01:17:50,454 I can't thank you enough for your letters and calls. 1003 01:17:52,790 --> 01:17:57,461 It feels wonderful, like floating in a caressing ocean. 1004 01:17:57,494 --> 01:17:58,528 And Ken has been the best 1005 01:17:58,562 --> 01:18:01,298 support person. It's unappreciated, 1006 01:18:01,331 --> 01:18:03,901 and yet he's vibrant, with dedication and humor. 1007 01:18:03,934 --> 01:18:05,602 He's half of my soul. 1008 01:18:05,635 --> 01:18:06,904 God, I love this man. 1009 01:18:09,206 --> 01:18:11,876 He holds my hand, makes me laugh, 1010 01:18:11,909 --> 01:18:15,813 runs errands, picks out fresh vegetables. 1011 01:18:18,816 --> 01:18:21,385 Kati was just here for ten days. 1012 01:18:21,418 --> 01:18:22,887 -Wow, she's an amazing listener. 1013 01:18:22,920 --> 01:18:26,323 Mom and Dad have been so supportive. 1014 01:18:26,356 --> 01:18:29,226 And Ken's parents who are so loving, 1015 01:18:29,259 --> 01:18:32,462 my friends in Colorado, at the CSC, 1016 01:18:32,496 --> 01:18:36,733 my Findhorn friends... and my sweet Vicky. 1017 01:18:36,767 --> 01:18:40,771 -And I have complete faith in Herr Dr. Professor Scheef 1018 01:18:40,805 --> 01:18:43,908 who runs the Janker Klinik. 1019 01:18:43,941 --> 01:18:45,575 The drug he's using, which he developed, 1020 01:18:45,609 --> 01:18:46,977 only just got approved in the US 1021 01:18:47,011 --> 01:18:49,413 because it's so potent. 1022 01:18:49,446 --> 01:18:52,649 I can't say how much easier it is though. 1023 01:18:52,682 --> 01:18:53,984 -I've moved through a lot. 1024 01:18:54,018 --> 01:18:55,719 From intense anger and crying, 1025 01:18:55,752 --> 01:18:59,723 to thoughts of death and fears of what pain may come. 1026 01:18:59,756 --> 01:19:02,592 -Then to thoughts of all those suffering on this planet, 1027 01:19:02,626 --> 01:19:04,829 and then I feel a wave of calmness. 1028 01:19:04,862 --> 01:19:07,264 A feeling of not being alone in it, 1029 01:19:07,297 --> 01:19:09,699 and some sort of greater connection. 1030 01:19:11,301 --> 01:19:13,838 -I read an article in the New York Times yesterday 1031 01:19:13,871 --> 01:19:16,473 on a study by Dr. Sandra Levy. 1032 01:19:16,506 --> 01:19:19,476 She found that for the survival rate of women 1033 01:19:19,509 --> 01:19:21,846 who had had advanced breast cancer, 1034 01:19:21,879 --> 01:19:25,682 the only psychological factor that seemed to matter 1035 01:19:25,715 --> 01:19:28,518 was sense of joy in life. 1036 01:19:31,455 --> 01:19:36,293 That first noble truth: there is suffering in the world. 1037 01:19:36,326 --> 01:19:37,794 To take part in it 1038 01:19:37,828 --> 01:19:40,530 feels like I'm engaged on a special journey, 1039 01:19:40,564 --> 01:19:43,800 only taken up by those who can handle it. 1040 01:19:43,834 --> 01:19:47,637 I call it passionate equanimity. 1041 01:19:47,671 --> 01:19:52,609 I do all I can, but without attachment to the results. 1042 01:19:52,642 --> 01:19:54,444 Just for the love of it. 1043 01:19:54,478 --> 01:19:55,445 Just for the love of it. 1044 01:19:55,479 --> 01:19:56,813 -The love of life. 1045 01:19:56,847 --> 01:19:57,948 The love of life. 1046 01:20:03,420 --> 01:20:07,057 -Hey, Norbert. Yeah, I'm up in the room. 1047 01:20:07,091 --> 01:20:09,759 Am I missing any action at the front desk? 1048 01:20:09,793 --> 01:20:13,430 No, no, um, maybe just some towels. 1049 01:20:13,463 --> 01:20:15,599 Yeah, she's recovering from the second. 1050 01:20:15,632 --> 01:20:16,733 It's a lung infection, 1051 01:20:16,766 --> 01:20:19,436 so I've had to stay away while her counts are low. 1052 01:20:19,469 --> 01:20:20,670 Mm-hm. 1053 01:20:20,704 --> 01:20:22,072 Yeah, I'm journaling, you know her. 1054 01:20:24,041 --> 01:20:27,777 Yeah, I can't believe it. It's almost four months. 1055 01:20:27,811 --> 01:20:29,679 Listen, uh, I'm going to go out for a while, 1056 01:20:29,713 --> 01:20:34,351 in case she calls. I just, I just need to get some air. 1057 01:20:34,384 --> 01:20:35,685 Yeah, thanks. 1058 01:20:48,798 --> 01:20:49,733 -Ken! 1059 01:20:55,639 --> 01:20:59,776 No more drinking for you. You have to be strong. 1060 01:20:59,809 --> 01:21:00,911 I don't want to be strong, Norbert. 1061 01:21:03,080 --> 01:21:05,482 I want to be weak and spineless for a while. 1062 01:21:06,850 --> 01:21:08,618 Ken. 1063 01:21:08,652 --> 01:21:09,553 -Suits me better. 1064 01:21:10,854 --> 01:21:11,821 Ken. 1065 01:21:21,665 --> 01:21:24,101 Men and women were once whole, 1066 01:21:24,134 --> 01:21:25,735 but were torn in two. 1067 01:21:25,769 --> 01:21:28,405 Men and women were once whole but were torn in two, 1068 01:21:28,438 --> 01:21:31,441 and the pursuit and desire of that whole. 1069 01:21:31,475 --> 01:21:33,877 And the pursuit and desire of that whole is called love. 1070 01:21:33,910 --> 01:21:35,679 Is called love. 1071 01:24:43,267 --> 01:24:47,637 I think I had a dream. I was looking for you. 1072 01:24:47,671 --> 01:24:51,007 There was a mountain. 1073 01:24:51,040 --> 01:24:54,778 And an ocean. 1074 01:24:54,811 --> 01:24:57,314 And millions of stars. 1075 01:25:01,885 --> 01:25:03,019 Where were you? 1076 01:25:07,023 --> 01:25:09,726 Here. 1077 01:25:09,759 --> 01:25:11,895 And am I ever glad you're here too. 1078 01:25:14,331 --> 01:25:17,234 You always promised you'd find me, you know. 1079 01:25:22,005 --> 01:25:25,242 Maybe we're in each other's dream. 1080 01:25:25,275 --> 01:25:26,410 Is that possible? 1081 01:25:31,281 --> 01:25:32,316 Give me your hand. 1082 01:25:45,128 --> 01:25:47,697 "Sam, I'm only updating you because you said 1083 01:25:47,731 --> 01:25:50,267 "otherwise you wouldn't publish my next book 1084 01:25:50,300 --> 01:25:52,902 in the event I ever write one." 1085 01:25:52,936 --> 01:25:53,970 We've tried all the treatments 1086 01:25:54,003 --> 01:25:56,072 sane men have come up with. 1087 01:25:56,105 --> 01:25:58,875 None of them have worked, so we've settled on 1088 01:25:58,908 --> 01:26:01,345 the Kelly/Gonzales enzyme program. 1089 01:26:01,378 --> 01:26:04,047 Gonzales runs it now. He says Kelly went bonkers, 1090 01:26:04,080 --> 01:26:07,951 that he's out there talking to little men from other planets. 1091 01:26:07,984 --> 01:26:11,221 Somehow Treya and I found that strangely reassuring. 1092 01:26:11,255 --> 01:26:13,122 The studies are actually amazing. 1093 01:26:13,156 --> 01:26:14,724 The five-year survival rate 1094 01:26:14,758 --> 01:26:16,960 for Treya's general type of metastatic breast cancer 1095 01:26:16,993 --> 01:26:18,995 is exactly zero percent. 1096 01:26:19,028 --> 01:26:20,997 But in Gonzales' study, there are already three 1097 01:26:21,030 --> 01:26:24,768 five-year plus survivors, even one over 17 years. 1098 01:26:24,801 --> 01:26:27,804 So, it's no fly-by-night clinic, 1099 01:26:27,837 --> 01:26:31,675 though we would try those too if we thought it would help. 1100 01:26:31,708 --> 01:26:33,243 Gonzales uses blood analysis 1101 01:26:33,277 --> 01:26:36,280 to indicate the extent of tumor activity, 1102 01:26:36,313 --> 01:26:39,283 and before we told him, he nailed all the same facts 1103 01:26:39,316 --> 01:26:42,118 informed of through conventional medicine. 1104 01:26:42,151 --> 01:26:44,688 His test measures tumor activity in the body 1105 01:26:44,721 --> 01:26:48,124 from zero to 50, with 45 being incurable. 1106 01:26:48,157 --> 01:26:51,295 Treya scored a 38. 1107 01:26:51,328 --> 01:26:54,264 The disconcerting thing is that when it's working, 1108 01:26:54,298 --> 01:26:57,467 when tumors are being dissolved, they flare up. 1109 01:26:57,501 --> 01:27:00,937 So, Gonzales' tests showing that Treya is getting better 1110 01:27:00,970 --> 01:27:02,806 is interpreted by the conventional doctors 1111 01:27:02,839 --> 01:27:06,042 that Treya is dying. 1112 01:27:06,075 --> 01:27:09,746 And Treya, of course, handles this like a champion. 1113 01:27:12,215 --> 01:27:14,284 And Hazel'll be happy to know, if I don't write another book, 1114 01:27:14,318 --> 01:27:16,920 I'll be able to make it as a care person, 1115 01:27:16,953 --> 01:27:18,422 or at least a maid. 1116 01:27:20,357 --> 01:27:24,361 Like a couple of kids, somehow, we're having a ball with it. 1117 01:27:27,797 --> 01:27:29,232 An average CEA, 1118 01:27:29,265 --> 01:27:31,968 which indicates the amount of active cancer in your body, 1119 01:27:32,001 --> 01:27:33,870 measures zero to five. 1120 01:27:33,903 --> 01:27:36,840 Yours was 7.7 in January. 1121 01:27:36,873 --> 01:27:39,376 After your first treatment in Germany, it was 13, 1122 01:27:39,409 --> 01:27:42,346 then 16.7 when you got home. 1123 01:27:42,379 --> 01:27:45,048 This read is at 21. 1124 01:27:45,081 --> 01:27:49,185 Now, Treya, I'm telling you that what we're seeing here is real. 1125 01:27:49,218 --> 01:27:51,921 I strongly recommend starting an immediate high-dose chemo 1126 01:27:51,955 --> 01:27:53,823 followed by a bone marrow transplant. 1127 01:27:55,191 --> 01:27:57,494 We're gonna talk it over and we'll let you know. 1128 01:27:57,527 --> 01:27:58,428 Okay. 1129 01:28:15,278 --> 01:28:16,913 Dr. Gonzales' office. 1130 01:28:16,946 --> 01:28:19,516 Hi Lisa. It's Treya for Dr. Gonzales. 1131 01:28:19,549 --> 01:28:21,851 Oh hi, Treya, one moment. 1132 01:28:21,885 --> 01:28:22,886 Thank you. 1133 01:28:24,854 --> 01:28:27,491 Hey guys, great news. 1134 01:28:27,524 --> 01:28:30,794 Your score dropped from 38 to 33, 1135 01:28:30,827 --> 01:28:32,496 the biggest drop I've ever seen 1136 01:28:32,529 --> 01:28:34,798 in only one month on the program. 1137 01:28:34,831 --> 01:28:36,900 Now, some of that drop may be due to 1138 01:28:36,933 --> 01:28:39,002 the anti-estrogens you're taking, 1139 01:28:39,035 --> 01:28:42,372 but I think this is definitely gonna work. 1140 01:28:42,406 --> 01:28:43,840 * Nicola 1141 01:28:45,341 --> 01:28:48,244 * Whatever love will make 1142 01:28:50,179 --> 01:28:54,984 * Love erases 1143 01:28:55,018 --> 01:28:59,022 * And all these twins 1144 01:28:59,055 --> 01:29:03,126 * With different faces 1145 01:29:03,159 --> 01:29:07,564 * Fallen from the womb 1146 01:29:07,597 --> 01:29:12,035 * Risen from the tomb 1147 01:29:12,068 --> 01:29:15,038 * Carried in perfume 1148 01:29:17,040 --> 01:29:19,275 * Nicola 1149 01:29:29,586 --> 01:29:31,254 Thank you. 1150 01:29:31,287 --> 01:29:34,390 I have one more for you called "I Want To Live," 1151 01:29:34,424 --> 01:29:37,393 but first I'd like to introduce a dear friend of mine 1152 01:29:37,427 --> 01:29:39,328 who's going to share a few words. 1153 01:29:39,362 --> 01:29:41,130 Treya Wilber. 1154 01:29:47,537 --> 01:29:48,638 Thank you. 1155 01:29:48,672 --> 01:29:49,573 Yeah. 1156 01:30:02,452 --> 01:30:07,056 -Hello. My name is Treya Killam Wilber. 1157 01:30:07,090 --> 01:30:10,393 Many of you here have known me as Terry. 1158 01:30:10,426 --> 01:30:13,096 I've been involved with Windstar from the early days. 1159 01:30:15,231 --> 01:30:19,102 Five years ago, in August of '83, 1160 01:30:19,135 --> 01:30:23,039 I met and totally fell in love with Ken Wilber. 1161 01:30:23,072 --> 01:30:26,476 I always used to call it love at first touch. 1162 01:30:26,510 --> 01:30:28,311 We were married. 1163 01:30:28,344 --> 01:30:30,614 And then, ten days after our wedding, 1164 01:30:30,647 --> 01:30:33,650 I was diagnosed with stage two breast cancer. 1165 01:30:35,652 --> 01:30:37,721 We spent our honeymoon in the hospital. 1166 01:30:39,623 --> 01:30:43,092 Since then, I've had two recurrences, 1167 01:30:43,126 --> 01:30:45,161 and many types of treatment, 1168 01:30:45,194 --> 01:30:47,463 both conventional and alternative. 1169 01:30:49,198 --> 01:30:51,701 But in January of this year, 1170 01:30:51,735 --> 01:30:55,471 we discovered the cancer had metastasized, 1171 01:30:55,505 --> 01:30:58,542 that it had spread to my brain and to my lungs. 1172 01:31:01,044 --> 01:31:03,713 So, when Tommy asked me to speak at this event, 1173 01:31:03,747 --> 01:31:08,384 I thought, well, perhaps I can look at 1174 01:31:08,417 --> 01:31:12,522 what I've done with my life since the diagnosis. 1175 01:31:12,556 --> 01:31:14,423 I co-founded the Cancer Support Community 1176 01:31:14,457 --> 01:31:17,026 in San Francisco. 1177 01:31:17,060 --> 01:31:18,528 I've written as honestly as I can 1178 01:31:18,562 --> 01:31:20,396 about my inner explorations 1179 01:31:20,429 --> 01:31:24,300 in a way that many tell me they've found helpful. 1180 01:31:24,333 --> 01:31:26,435 And I plan to publish a book. 1181 01:31:26,469 --> 01:31:28,772 Maybe my letters to many of you will be in it. 1182 01:31:31,040 --> 01:31:35,612 But then I realized, oh, I'd fallen into a familiar trap. 1183 01:31:35,645 --> 01:31:40,049 I'm equating success with achievement. 1184 01:31:40,083 --> 01:31:45,021 Learning to make friends with perhaps painful death 1185 01:31:45,054 --> 01:31:46,289 has taught me a great deal 1186 01:31:46,322 --> 01:31:50,760 about making friends with myself as I am, 1187 01:31:50,794 --> 01:31:54,731 and a great deal about making friends with life as it is. 1188 01:31:57,400 --> 01:31:59,335 There's an old saying, 1189 01:31:59,368 --> 01:32:03,472 it's popular among people with cancer that goes... 1190 01:32:05,642 --> 01:32:09,045 I'm lucky because I've been given advanced warning 1191 01:32:09,078 --> 01:32:12,115 and the time to act on that warning. 1192 01:32:12,148 --> 01:32:15,619 Because I can no longer ignore death, 1193 01:32:15,652 --> 01:32:18,521 I pay more attention to life. 1194 01:33:07,203 --> 01:33:09,338 -Yes, it's true that if the enzymes 1195 01:33:09,372 --> 01:33:11,607 Gonzales has you on were breaking the tumors down, 1196 01:33:11,641 --> 01:33:12,742 they would swell, 1197 01:33:12,776 --> 01:33:15,645 and a CAT scan wouldn't differentiate that. 1198 01:33:15,679 --> 01:33:18,381 But you have an average tumor growth rate 1199 01:33:18,414 --> 01:33:21,384 of over 30 percent in a short period of time. 1200 01:33:21,417 --> 01:33:23,720 And because of the growth of the large brain tumor 1201 01:33:23,753 --> 01:33:25,354 and the swelling of the right brain, 1202 01:33:25,388 --> 01:33:26,823 it's pushed the left side of your brain 1203 01:33:26,856 --> 01:33:28,758 just a bit out of place. 1204 01:33:28,792 --> 01:33:31,160 So this is what accounts for some of your symptoms, 1205 01:33:31,194 --> 01:33:35,699 the headaches, the fullness, disorientation. 1206 01:33:35,732 --> 01:33:38,134 -That's why the pain in the back of my eyes 1207 01:33:38,167 --> 01:33:41,304 goes away when I sleep with my head raised. 1208 01:33:41,337 --> 01:33:46,342 -Yes. Now, look. 1209 01:33:46,375 --> 01:33:49,178 I am familiar with Gonzalez's program 1210 01:33:49,212 --> 01:33:50,513 and I don't mean to alarm you, 1211 01:33:50,546 --> 01:33:52,615 but I do want you to hear it straight. 1212 01:33:52,648 --> 01:33:54,217 Despite what his radiologist says, 1213 01:33:54,250 --> 01:33:56,185 this is not an inflammatory reaction 1214 01:33:56,219 --> 01:33:57,821 brought on by tumor necrosis. 1215 01:33:57,854 --> 01:34:00,589 -If your understanding of this is accurate, though, 1216 01:34:00,623 --> 01:34:03,559 chemo doesn't offer a solution either, correct? 1217 01:34:07,163 --> 01:34:08,431 -Likely not. 1218 01:34:08,464 --> 01:34:11,334 Though there are other drugs you can try with it. 1219 01:34:11,367 --> 01:34:14,938 -I'm not afraid of dying, but I am afraid of pain. 1220 01:34:18,341 --> 01:34:19,909 -Let me assure you, we can handle that. 1221 01:34:21,644 --> 01:34:23,246 I promise you that won't happen. 1222 01:34:30,253 --> 01:34:32,789 -Otherwise, you okay? 1223 01:34:34,824 --> 01:34:35,859 -Yes. 1224 01:34:39,562 --> 01:34:42,231 When I die, I'll just dissolve back. 1225 01:34:43,566 --> 01:34:45,268 That's not frightening. 1226 01:34:48,271 --> 01:34:50,406 -You know, I have never had a patient like you. 1227 01:34:52,508 --> 01:34:53,676 May I tell you that? 1228 01:34:59,916 --> 01:35:01,217 -Thank you. 1229 01:35:45,561 --> 01:35:46,562 -Hi, babe. 1230 01:35:49,933 --> 01:35:51,267 -Hey, lover. 1231 01:35:53,269 --> 01:35:55,371 I was looking for you in my dream. 1232 01:36:01,777 --> 01:36:03,712 -I was looking for you in this house. 1233 01:36:06,382 --> 01:36:07,716 -I was dreaming about you too. 1234 01:36:14,891 --> 01:36:17,593 -I can barely feel it, 1235 01:36:17,626 --> 01:36:19,062 but it's cold, huh? 1236 01:36:20,629 --> 01:36:22,798 Does this answer that? 1237 01:36:25,801 --> 01:36:27,736 -Let's get back to bed. 1238 01:36:35,611 --> 01:36:37,480 Can you carry me? 1239 01:36:40,483 --> 01:36:41,484 -Of course. 1240 01:36:57,666 --> 01:37:01,670 "Moreover, much as you may wander, 1241 01:37:01,704 --> 01:37:04,573 "you must return ultimately to the Self, 1242 01:37:12,048 --> 01:37:15,351 "so why not abide in the Self here and now. 1243 01:37:18,054 --> 01:37:20,789 Grace is there all along." 1244 01:37:27,663 --> 01:37:28,797 I'm going. 1245 01:37:36,940 --> 01:37:38,107 -Okay. 1246 01:37:49,652 --> 01:37:54,690 -Wait. Wait. Sweetheart... 1247 01:37:58,561 --> 01:38:00,663 I want to write something in my journal. 1248 01:38:46,675 --> 01:38:47,810 Do you understand? 1249 01:38:50,913 --> 01:38:51,981 -I think so. 1250 01:38:58,787 --> 01:38:59,989 Come on, gorgeous. 1251 01:39:02,525 --> 01:39:04,193 Let me take my girl to our room. 1252 01:39:42,165 --> 01:39:46,802 -I'm going. I can't believe it. 1253 01:39:48,071 --> 01:39:49,705 I'm going. 1254 01:39:52,875 --> 01:39:59,815 I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. 1255 01:39:59,848 --> 01:40:02,685 I'm so happy. I'm so happy. 1256 01:40:10,059 --> 01:40:12,027 But I don't want to leave you. 1257 01:40:15,564 --> 01:40:16,899 I love you so much. 1258 01:40:18,267 --> 01:40:21,704 I can't leave you. 1259 01:40:21,737 --> 01:40:23,606 I love you so much. 1260 01:40:26,109 --> 01:40:27,810 Honey. 1261 01:40:31,580 --> 01:40:33,116 -I love you so much. 1262 01:40:34,650 --> 01:40:40,523 -Honey, if it's time to go, then it's time to go. 1263 01:40:40,556 --> 01:40:44,660 Don't worry, I'll find you. 1264 01:40:45,861 --> 01:40:47,730 I found you before. 1265 01:40:49,064 --> 01:40:52,201 I promise I'll find you again. 1266 01:40:54,803 --> 01:40:56,572 -You promise you'll find me? 1267 01:40:58,607 --> 01:41:00,109 -I promise. 1268 01:41:12,155 --> 01:41:14,056 I promise. 1269 01:41:25,201 --> 01:41:27,303 -Forever and forever? 1270 01:41:27,336 --> 01:41:29,705 -Forever and forever. 1271 01:41:38,247 --> 01:41:39,915 -Then I can go. 1272 01:41:42,318 --> 01:41:44,187 I can't believe it. 1273 01:41:45,288 --> 01:41:46,722 I'm so happy. 1274 01:41:54,397 --> 01:41:58,667 This has been so much harder than I thought. 1275 01:42:03,239 --> 01:42:06,875 It's been so hard. 1276 01:42:06,909 --> 01:42:09,111 Oh honey, it's been so hard. 1277 01:42:12,281 --> 01:42:16,985 -I know, sweetheart. I know. 1278 01:42:24,193 --> 01:42:25,861 -You promise you'll be there? 1279 01:42:28,397 --> 01:42:33,001 -I promise you I'll be there. 1280 01:42:53,789 --> 01:42:56,124 -You're the greatest man I've ever known. 1281 01:42:58,861 --> 01:43:00,128 My champion. 1282 01:43:02,731 --> 01:43:04,300 My champion. 1283 01:43:20,816 --> 01:43:22,217 I'll find you. 1284 01:43:39,268 --> 01:43:41,870 You're the only... 1285 01:43:49,111 --> 01:43:52,247 I'll find you, honey. 1286 01:43:55,017 --> 01:43:56,885 I will... 1287 01:45:41,890 --> 01:45:42,958 You promise? 1288 01:45:46,862 --> 01:45:48,063 I promise. 1289 01:46:11,053 --> 01:46:13,221 -My name is Treya Killam Wilber. 1290 01:46:13,255 --> 01:46:15,357 A lot of you've known me in the past as Terry. 1291 01:46:15,390 --> 01:46:17,159 I've been involved with Windstar from the early days. 1292 01:46:19,595 --> 01:46:22,965 Five years ago this same month, in August of '83, 1293 01:46:22,998 --> 01:46:26,134 I met and totally fell in love with Ken Wilber. 1294 01:46:26,168 --> 01:46:29,237 I always called it love at first touch. 1295 01:46:29,271 --> 01:46:31,974 We were married less than four months later. 1296 01:46:32,007 --> 01:46:33,576 But ten days after our wedding, 1297 01:46:33,609 --> 01:46:37,245 I was diagnosed with stage two breast cancer. 1298 01:46:37,279 --> 01:46:38,914 We spent our honeymoon in the hospital. 1299 01:46:41,316 --> 01:46:43,251 I've...I've had two local recurrences 1300 01:46:43,285 --> 01:46:44,520 and a number of treatments, 1301 01:46:44,553 --> 01:46:46,321 both conventional and alternative, 1302 01:46:46,354 --> 01:46:48,991 in the intervening years. 1303 01:46:49,024 --> 01:46:50,292 But just this January, 1304 01:46:50,325 --> 01:46:53,028 we discovered that the cancer had metastasized, 1305 01:46:53,061 --> 01:46:55,330 that it had spread to my brain and to my lungs. 1306 01:46:56,565 --> 01:46:58,033 The doctors we've consulted have said 1307 01:46:58,066 --> 01:47:01,604 I have two to four years to live. 1308 01:47:01,637 --> 01:47:04,239 Because I could no longer ignore death, 1309 01:47:04,272 --> 01:47:06,041 I pay more attention to life. 1310 01:47:08,376 --> 01:47:10,513 In the years after Treya passed, 1311 01:47:10,546 --> 01:47:15,017 I began slowly working my way back into the world. 1312 01:47:15,050 --> 01:47:18,621 I began writing again, starting with Grace and Grit , 1313 01:47:18,654 --> 01:47:22,357 which I had promised her I would write. 1314 01:47:22,390 --> 01:47:25,260 Usually, my books are dedicated to a person 1315 01:47:25,293 --> 01:47:27,630 important in my life. 1316 01:47:27,663 --> 01:47:32,034 But the next ten books I wrote over the next ten years 1317 01:47:32,067 --> 01:47:34,469 had no dedications at all 1318 01:47:34,503 --> 01:47:37,706 because each of them were dedicated to her 1319 01:47:37,740 --> 01:47:42,611 in simple, ongoing gratefulness. 1320 01:47:42,645 --> 01:47:46,281 Those years with Treya are etched into my soul 1321 01:47:46,314 --> 01:47:49,618 and somehow, our love lives on. 1322 01:48:10,072 --> 01:48:13,308 * We rattle a gateless gate 1323 01:48:18,480 --> 01:48:22,184 * And push against A weightless weight * 1324 01:48:27,289 --> 01:48:30,525 * Looking for A stateless state * 1325 01:48:34,196 --> 01:48:36,264 * Nicola 1326 01:48:37,633 --> 01:48:40,535 * Whatever love will make 1327 01:48:42,137 --> 01:48:45,473 * Love erases 1328 01:48:47,309 --> 01:48:51,046 * And all these twins 1329 01:48:51,079 --> 01:48:54,116 * With different faces 1330 01:48:55,517 --> 01:48:59,521 * Fallen from the womb 1331 01:48:59,554 --> 01:49:04,192 * Risen from the tomb 1332 01:49:04,226 --> 01:49:07,262 * Carried in perfume 1333 01:49:09,397 --> 01:49:11,399 * Nicola 1334 01:49:14,102 --> 01:49:20,442 * Ooohh 1335 01:49:22,477 --> 01:49:27,683 * Ooohh 1336 01:49:29,217 --> 01:49:32,788 * All the ones alive today 1337 01:49:37,860 --> 01:49:41,563 * Are the ones That passed away * 1338 01:49:46,702 --> 01:49:50,405 * Are the ones Who're on their way * 1339 01:49:53,541 --> 01:49:55,543 * Nicola 1340 01:49:57,112 --> 01:50:00,148 * Whatever love will take 1341 01:50:01,449 --> 01:50:05,320 * Love replaces 1342 01:50:06,588 --> 01:50:10,292 * And all these twins 1343 01:50:10,325 --> 01:50:13,595 * With different faces 1344 01:50:14,797 --> 01:50:19,101 * Fallen from the womb 1345 01:50:19,134 --> 01:50:23,371 * Risen from the tomb 1346 01:50:23,405 --> 01:50:26,909 * Carried in perfume 1347 01:50:28,877 --> 01:50:30,913 * Nicola 1348 01:50:33,481 --> 01:50:40,555 * Ooohh 1349 01:50:42,190 --> 01:50:46,829 * Ooohh