1 00:00:13,135 --> 00:00:16,037 [***] 2 00:00:20,642 --> 00:00:30,652 [audience applauds and cheers] 3 00:00:33,622 --> 00:00:34,923 [John Denver] Thank you. 4 00:00:34,956 --> 00:00:38,093 I have one more for you, called "I Want To Live." 5 00:00:38,127 --> 00:00:41,163 But first I'd like to introduce a dear friend of mine 6 00:00:41,196 --> 00:00:42,964 who's going to share a few words. 7 00:00:42,997 --> 00:00:44,599 Treya Wilber. 8 00:00:44,633 --> 00:00:51,140 [audience applauds and cheers] 9 00:00:51,173 --> 00:00:52,141 [Treya] Thank you. 10 00:00:52,174 --> 00:00:52,841 [John Denver] Yeah. 11 00:01:06,188 --> 00:01:07,956 [Treya] Hello. 12 00:01:07,989 --> 00:01:10,925 My name is Treya Killam Wilber. 13 00:01:10,959 --> 00:01:14,028 Many of you here have known me as Terry. 14 00:01:14,062 --> 00:01:19,168 I've been involved with Windstar from the early days. 15 00:01:19,201 --> 00:01:22,837 Five years ago, in August of '83, 16 00:01:22,871 --> 00:01:26,641 I met and totally fell in love with Ken Wilber. 17 00:01:26,675 --> 00:01:30,312 I always used to call it love at first touch. 18 00:01:30,345 --> 00:01:40,355 [***] 19 00:01:40,655 --> 00:01:42,924 [Treya] [voice-over] "Dear Friends, 20 00:01:42,957 --> 00:01:46,828 Remember those lists I used to make... 21 00:01:46,861 --> 00:01:51,366 my wish list for the perfect man? 22 00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:53,702 Well, at 36, I certainly didn't think 23 00:01:53,735 --> 00:01:57,839 that man could still happen to me. 24 00:01:57,872 --> 00:02:01,910 Yep, love, I've finally found him. 25 00:02:01,943 --> 00:02:04,946 His name is Ken Wilber. 26 00:02:04,979 --> 00:02:06,681 Maybe you've heard of him. 27 00:02:06,715 --> 00:02:10,219 He's revered as "the Einstein of Consciousness." 28 00:02:10,252 --> 00:02:12,621 At the CAL Institute for Psychological Studies 29 00:02:12,654 --> 00:02:19,160 was where I first read this Mr. Wilber's work. 30 00:02:19,194 --> 00:02:21,663 I didn't think much of this until a few weeks later 31 00:02:21,696 --> 00:02:23,865 when Frances called to invite me to dinner with Ken 32 00:02:23,898 --> 00:02:26,268 at her and Roger's home. 33 00:02:26,301 --> 00:02:28,870 [Ken] It needs to be explored and maybe you'll find that answer. 34 00:02:28,903 --> 00:02:31,840 [Frances] Uh, we're trying to have kids, 35 00:02:31,873 --> 00:02:33,342 but it's not working. 36 00:02:33,375 --> 00:02:34,343 [Treya] [voice-over] Ken and I just barely had a chance 37 00:02:34,376 --> 00:02:36,144 to say hello when our two friends 38 00:02:36,177 --> 00:02:39,981 began to bring up some problems in their relationship. 39 00:02:40,014 --> 00:02:42,851 -It's important to differentiate, to understand... 40 00:02:42,884 --> 00:02:44,286 [Treya] [voice-over] Ken was asked to be therapist 41 00:02:44,319 --> 00:02:45,954 for the evening. 42 00:02:45,987 --> 00:02:47,188 [Frances] But it's like there's something stopping... 43 00:02:47,222 --> 00:02:48,223 [Ken] But the love is there. 44 00:02:48,257 --> 00:02:49,991 [Treya] [voice-over] Which was fine, 45 00:02:50,024 --> 00:02:51,860 because it gave me some time to get used to his shaved head. 46 00:02:51,893 --> 00:02:58,833 [laughter] 47 00:02:58,867 --> 00:03:05,274 [muted conversation] 48 00:03:05,307 --> 00:03:08,209 [***] 49 00:04:03,432 --> 00:04:07,736 -So, um, Frances and Roger told me you're like, 50 00:04:07,769 --> 00:04:09,804 the most amazing woman to walk the planet. 51 00:04:09,838 --> 00:04:17,078 -[laughs] Please... 52 00:04:17,111 --> 00:04:22,984 They say you're amazing too. 53 00:04:23,017 --> 00:04:31,360 [laughs] 54 00:04:31,393 --> 00:04:34,329 [***] 55 00:04:42,971 --> 00:04:43,972 [Treya] Well, good night. 56 00:04:44,005 --> 00:04:46,040 [Ken] Bye, and good night. 57 00:04:46,074 --> 00:04:48,543 -Hey, look, um... 58 00:04:48,577 --> 00:04:49,911 I know this sounds strange, 59 00:04:49,944 --> 00:04:55,049 but when I hugged you in the kitchen, 60 00:04:55,083 --> 00:05:00,154 I felt like... 61 00:05:00,188 --> 00:05:04,826 I never wanted to let you go. 62 00:05:04,859 --> 00:05:05,860 -Yeah. -[chuckles] 63 00:05:05,894 --> 00:05:11,400 -Yeah, me too... 64 00:05:11,433 --> 00:05:14,002 Good night. -Good night. 65 00:05:14,035 --> 00:05:17,539 [Treya chuckles] 66 00:05:17,572 --> 00:05:26,881 [Treya breathes deeply] 67 00:05:26,915 --> 00:05:32,387 [***] 68 00:05:32,421 --> 00:05:34,523 -I found her. 69 00:05:34,556 --> 00:05:37,459 [giggles] 70 00:05:37,492 --> 00:05:43,231 I've really found her. 71 00:05:43,264 --> 00:05:45,534 [exhales] 72 00:05:45,567 --> 00:05:47,402 [Ken] [voice-over] I noticed a series of subtle 73 00:05:47,436 --> 00:05:49,137 energy currents running through my body 74 00:05:49,170 --> 00:05:53,408 like an earnest series... 75 00:05:53,442 --> 00:05:55,610 [Treya] [voice-over] The softness of the air... 76 00:05:55,644 --> 00:05:56,945 [Ken] [voice-over] ...slow energy currents 77 00:05:56,978 --> 00:05:59,514 an energy that lies asleep until aroused by 78 00:05:59,548 --> 00:06:01,916 the right person or event. An energy... 79 00:06:01,950 --> 00:06:03,317 [Treya] [voice-over] Be touched like that. 80 00:06:03,351 --> 00:06:05,353 [Ken] [voice-over] [indistinct] 81 00:06:05,386 --> 00:06:08,056 [Treya] [voice-over] Deep caring, like he touched me. 82 00:06:08,089 --> 00:06:09,524 -...the right person. 83 00:06:09,558 --> 00:06:11,359 -Gentleness. 84 00:06:11,392 --> 00:06:13,462 [Ken] [voice-over] An energy that seemed to radiate from her 85 00:06:13,495 --> 00:06:14,896 in all directions. 86 00:06:14,929 --> 00:06:16,465 [Treya] [voice-over] Willingness to support. 87 00:06:16,498 --> 00:06:19,400 First through his words and what it showed of him... 88 00:06:19,434 --> 00:06:22,036 [Ken] [voice-over] An energy of vast intelligence 89 00:06:22,070 --> 00:06:23,304 from the right person... 90 00:06:23,337 --> 00:06:26,207 [Treya] [voice-over] Asking questions. 91 00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:29,878 The depth of his brown eyes, and then an easy melting. 92 00:06:29,911 --> 00:06:32,313 [Ken] [voice-over] Suffused with beauty. 93 00:06:32,346 --> 00:06:36,918 But mostly an energy that was alive. 94 00:06:36,951 --> 00:06:43,525 This woman said life more than anyone I had ever known. 95 00:06:43,558 --> 00:06:48,062 [Treya] Of truth... 96 00:06:48,096 --> 00:06:50,364 and finding it. 97 00:06:50,398 --> 00:06:53,167 -[giggles] And God, she was alive! 98 00:06:53,201 --> 00:06:55,136 [Treya] [voice-over] The softness. 99 00:06:55,169 --> 00:07:01,042 I trust him more than... as if I already know him. 100 00:07:01,075 --> 00:07:10,519 [sighs] 101 00:07:10,552 --> 00:07:15,590 [Ken] [voice-over] In case I read this in the future, 102 00:07:15,624 --> 00:07:18,660 just to be clear, 103 00:07:18,693 --> 00:07:26,200 Treya and I have not slept together. 104 00:07:26,234 --> 00:07:27,502 We simply put our arms around each other, 105 00:07:27,536 --> 00:07:31,239 once in the kitchen, and once shortly after. 106 00:07:31,272 --> 00:07:36,010 That was the sum total of our involvement. 107 00:07:36,044 --> 00:07:39,948 Though I certainly sense there is more to come. 108 00:07:39,981 --> 00:07:40,982 [Treya] [voice-over] I became obsessed 109 00:07:41,015 --> 00:07:42,684 with the thought of Ken... 110 00:08:06,608 --> 00:08:10,511 [chuckles] I'll take all these. 111 00:08:10,545 --> 00:08:13,281 I-I'm just checking them out for some friends. 112 00:08:13,314 --> 00:08:15,650 -Hm. 113 00:08:15,684 --> 00:08:18,519 [Ken] So, then I got a job as a dishwasher, 114 00:08:18,553 --> 00:08:22,123 earning 350 dollars a month and sending 100 of that 115 00:08:22,156 --> 00:08:26,728 to Sam at Shambhala Publications for mail order books. 116 00:08:26,761 --> 00:08:30,699 And I wrote that book. 117 00:08:30,732 --> 00:08:35,336 The Spectrum of Consciousness , I loved it. 118 00:08:35,369 --> 00:08:36,605 [inhales deeply] 119 00:08:36,638 --> 00:08:40,709 And then five more books in five years. Right? 120 00:08:40,742 --> 00:08:42,343 -Have you been stalking me? 121 00:08:42,376 --> 00:08:44,212 -Yeah. I'm looking for a good dishwasher. 122 00:08:44,245 --> 00:08:46,480 [both chuckle] 123 00:08:46,514 --> 00:08:47,749 -Yeah. I bus tables too, ya know. 124 00:08:47,782 --> 00:08:55,724 -Oh, yeah? [chuckles] 125 00:08:55,757 --> 00:08:57,759 [Ken laughs] 126 00:08:57,792 --> 00:09:02,463 -What's something that no one probably knows about you? 127 00:09:02,496 --> 00:09:08,136 -I wrote out all of Alan Watts' books by hand. 128 00:09:08,169 --> 00:09:11,305 -All right, that's pretty exhausting. 129 00:09:11,339 --> 00:09:14,542 I don't think anybody needs to know that. 130 00:09:14,575 --> 00:09:21,215 -So why are you a psychologist? 131 00:09:21,249 --> 00:09:22,817 -I think growing up, I never had a place 132 00:09:22,851 --> 00:09:26,254 to put my thoughts and feelings. 133 00:09:26,287 --> 00:09:28,222 My parents are wonderful. 134 00:09:28,256 --> 00:09:32,226 I'd say they're just [inhales] highly conventional. 135 00:09:32,260 --> 00:09:34,629 -Mm. The old guard? 136 00:09:34,663 --> 00:09:37,666 -They did well in oil and investments. 137 00:09:37,699 --> 00:09:41,135 And I think it's just reflective of the social circles 138 00:09:41,169 --> 00:09:42,436 they're in as well. 139 00:09:42,470 --> 00:09:49,377 [inhales deeply] But they love me enormously. 140 00:09:49,410 --> 00:09:50,679 Anyhow, it makes it 141 00:09:50,712 --> 00:09:52,446 so that I can afford to date authors, you know. 142 00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:55,083 -[chuckles] Well, that's okay. 143 00:09:55,116 --> 00:09:57,418 You know, I'm a great dishwasher, 144 00:09:57,451 --> 00:09:58,953 and I sell a few books. 145 00:10:08,429 --> 00:10:14,302 [***] 146 00:10:14,335 --> 00:10:17,806 Has anything like this ever happened to you? 147 00:10:17,839 --> 00:10:20,574 -No. 148 00:10:20,608 --> 00:10:23,845 Nothing like this. 149 00:10:23,878 --> 00:10:26,715 How about you? 150 00:10:26,748 --> 00:10:33,354 -Never, not like this. 151 00:10:33,387 --> 00:10:36,424 -[glass breaks] -Oh, god. [laughing] 152 00:10:36,457 --> 00:10:38,459 -It's bigger than the two of us, pilgrim. 153 00:10:38,492 --> 00:10:40,494 [Treya laughing] 154 00:10:54,642 --> 00:10:57,545 [***] 155 00:11:11,525 --> 00:11:13,862 [all laughing] 156 00:11:13,895 --> 00:11:17,465 -So you've only known him a few weeks, Treya! 157 00:11:17,498 --> 00:11:19,901 -And you've never raved about a guy, like ever. 158 00:11:19,934 --> 00:11:23,704 -Mm-hm. And you have not dated a boy in over two years. 159 00:11:23,738 --> 00:11:29,643 -I know. I know. He's, he's amazing. 160 00:11:29,677 --> 00:11:32,781 He's just so lovable. 161 00:11:32,814 --> 00:11:37,718 -So you think you might get, you know, you might? 162 00:11:37,752 --> 00:11:38,820 You better. 163 00:11:38,853 --> 00:11:43,591 -I think well...yes! We will get married. 164 00:11:43,624 --> 00:11:46,694 [laughing] 165 00:11:46,727 --> 00:11:49,230 -Oh, my god. Finally! 166 00:11:49,263 --> 00:11:51,365 [Treya inhales and exhales deeply] 167 00:11:51,399 --> 00:11:52,934 -I haven't heard you say that word 168 00:11:52,967 --> 00:11:55,536 since you were three years old when you used to play dress up. 169 00:11:55,569 --> 00:12:03,444 Remember that? [laughs] 170 00:12:03,477 --> 00:12:06,815 -Not only do I approve, 171 00:12:06,848 --> 00:12:09,283 I'm a little worried she's getting shortchanged, pal. 172 00:12:09,317 --> 00:12:12,686 -I know. -[Sam laughs] 173 00:12:12,720 --> 00:12:22,730 [***] 174 00:12:27,701 --> 00:12:32,673 -So what did you tell Sam about me? 175 00:12:32,706 --> 00:12:39,848 -Let's see. Hmmm. No, I told Sam that if she'll have me, 176 00:12:39,881 --> 00:12:44,953 that... this is the girl that I'd like to marry. 177 00:12:44,986 --> 00:12:48,289 -Of course. 178 00:12:48,322 --> 00:12:54,595 I was gonna ask you. 179 00:12:54,628 --> 00:13:00,001 [***] 180 00:13:00,034 --> 00:13:03,637 [Sue laughing] 181 00:13:03,671 --> 00:13:04,973 -When I met your daddy, 182 00:13:05,006 --> 00:13:09,577 I was so busy with my life, but I knew he was the one. 183 00:13:09,610 --> 00:13:11,312 [Treya chuckles] 184 00:13:11,345 --> 00:13:13,414 -It's all I've ever wanted for you. 185 00:13:13,447 --> 00:13:17,551 So I want you to know, honey: I am here for you, 186 00:13:17,585 --> 00:13:21,055 come rain or come shine. Love you. 187 00:13:21,089 --> 00:13:26,560 -Mom. 188 00:13:26,594 --> 00:13:27,828 -Go get your man. 189 00:13:27,862 --> 00:13:32,433 [Treya laughs] 190 00:13:32,466 --> 00:13:41,709 [***] 191 00:13:41,742 --> 00:13:43,411 -I love you more than life. 192 00:13:43,444 --> 00:13:45,379 [breathes deeply] 193 00:13:45,413 --> 00:13:48,316 I just can't believe it's real. 194 00:13:48,349 --> 00:13:55,056 I've known you less than four months. 195 00:13:55,089 --> 00:13:59,360 -I've been searching for you for a hundred lifetimes. 196 00:13:59,393 --> 00:14:05,333 I've slain a thousand dragons to find you. 197 00:14:05,366 --> 00:14:08,036 I love you to the depths of the ocean, 198 00:14:08,069 --> 00:14:10,438 beyond the height of the mountains, 199 00:14:10,471 --> 00:14:12,440 beyond the heat of the sun... 200 00:14:13,841 --> 00:14:15,409 beyond time... 201 00:14:16,510 --> 00:14:19,513 forever. Forever. 202 00:14:29,690 --> 00:14:32,693 [Treya breathes deeply] 203 00:14:32,726 --> 00:14:35,496 -Let's go get married. 204 00:14:35,529 --> 00:14:45,539 [***] 205 00:14:50,578 --> 00:14:52,380 -You know, when I recently opened up 206 00:14:52,413 --> 00:14:55,416 a box of books that Treya sent to me, I thought, 207 00:14:55,449 --> 00:14:59,153 "Ah, Treya has discovered my favorite writer." 208 00:14:59,187 --> 00:15:01,855 And then I opened her letter. 209 00:15:01,889 --> 00:15:04,925 "Oh, Treya is marrying my favorite writer." 210 00:15:04,959 --> 00:15:07,661 [crowd laughs and applauds] 211 00:15:07,695 --> 00:15:09,930 -Ken, Treya, you're gathered here today 212 00:15:09,964 --> 00:15:13,467 being bound not only as lovers, but as souls 213 00:15:13,501 --> 00:15:16,704 to continually bring out the courageous and beautiful 214 00:15:16,737 --> 00:15:18,872 from inside one another. 215 00:15:18,906 --> 00:15:23,111 And here, now, like a bridge joining two lands, 216 00:15:23,144 --> 00:15:26,580 we witness the joining of these two souls through love, 217 00:15:26,614 --> 00:15:29,717 entering into a dance from this day forward 218 00:15:29,750 --> 00:15:33,754 to unite separateness, to pierce time, 219 00:15:33,787 --> 00:15:41,062 and to leap together into eternity. 220 00:15:41,095 --> 00:15:47,001 -I will take you from here to forever and never let you go. 221 00:15:47,035 --> 00:15:52,540 -I will take you from here to forever and never let you go. 222 00:15:52,573 --> 00:15:54,742 -My wife. 223 00:15:54,775 --> 00:15:58,912 -My husband. [chuckles] 224 00:15:58,946 --> 00:16:08,956 [crowd clapping] 225 00:16:09,957 --> 00:16:17,931 -Please stand. 226 00:16:17,965 --> 00:16:19,633 [***] 227 00:16:19,667 --> 00:16:25,506 [thunder rumbling] 228 00:16:25,539 --> 00:16:35,549 [***] 229 00:16:44,258 --> 00:16:46,827 -I know, Mom, it's a miracle. 230 00:16:46,860 --> 00:16:49,563 I finish classes, Ken has some final editing, 231 00:16:49,597 --> 00:16:52,600 and then Hawaii. 232 00:16:52,633 --> 00:16:53,667 -Hawaii? 233 00:16:53,701 --> 00:16:54,635 [Treya] Yes, Hawaii. 234 00:16:54,668 --> 00:16:55,936 [Sue chuckles] 235 00:16:55,969 --> 00:16:56,970 [Treya] So we'll see you at Christmas. 236 00:16:57,004 --> 00:16:59,807 -All right. Um, you know, honey... 237 00:16:59,840 --> 00:17:03,811 I'm...I'm just not crazy about his writing. 238 00:17:03,844 --> 00:17:05,513 I just opened it, 239 00:17:05,546 --> 00:17:08,015 and there was a picture of somebody humping. 240 00:17:08,048 --> 00:17:09,583 -Mom, Mom, I gotta go. 241 00:17:09,617 --> 00:17:10,718 -But as long as you're happy. 242 00:17:10,751 --> 00:17:11,985 -Okay. Bye, Mom. 243 00:17:12,019 --> 00:17:14,088 -All right. Love you. 244 00:17:14,122 --> 00:17:19,127 [Treya] I love you too. 245 00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:21,795 -I guess I said the wrong thing. 246 00:17:21,829 --> 00:17:27,235 [***] 247 00:17:27,268 --> 00:17:29,937 [doctor] Okay. 248 00:17:29,970 --> 00:17:33,307 And now I'm gonna examine the left breast. 249 00:17:42,082 --> 00:17:43,917 [voice-over] Now I'm going to do the right. 250 00:18:02,936 --> 00:18:08,209 [doctor] Do you know you have a lump in your right breast? 251 00:18:08,242 --> 00:18:09,777 -What? 252 00:18:09,810 --> 00:18:14,582 -Well, it's fairly large and hard. 253 00:18:14,615 --> 00:18:18,018 But it's not attached to the muscle and moves easily. 254 00:18:18,051 --> 00:18:20,921 My guess is it's nothing to worry about. 255 00:18:20,954 --> 00:18:22,656 Maybe just a cyst. 256 00:18:22,690 --> 00:18:24,792 -What do you think we should do? 257 00:18:24,825 --> 00:18:27,228 -Why don't we wait a month and see if it changes in size. 258 00:18:27,261 --> 00:18:29,730 It could change with your menstrual cycle. 259 00:18:29,763 --> 00:18:30,998 Come back and see me in a month. 260 00:18:31,031 --> 00:18:32,032 [Treya] Okay. 261 00:18:49,883 --> 00:18:52,019 -It's hard, which is bad. 262 00:18:52,052 --> 00:18:54,688 But it's symmetrical and detached, 263 00:18:54,722 --> 00:18:57,891 which is good, so don't worry. 264 00:18:57,925 --> 00:19:02,896 Let's get a second opinion. 265 00:19:02,930 --> 00:19:07,301 And no, nothing is gonna tear me away from you. 266 00:19:07,335 --> 00:19:10,404 -Nothing. 267 00:19:10,438 --> 00:19:12,673 Good, Mr. Wilber. 268 00:19:12,706 --> 00:19:14,342 I hope not. 269 00:19:14,375 --> 00:19:17,245 [breathes deeply] 270 00:19:17,278 --> 00:19:20,248 I think you're done for tonight. 271 00:19:20,281 --> 00:19:21,249 -[glass thuds] -Bye-bye, book. 272 00:19:21,282 --> 00:19:27,120 -Bye-bye, book. -[Ken chuckles] 273 00:19:27,154 --> 00:19:29,757 -If only I could have everything 274 00:19:29,790 --> 00:19:33,894 that's inside of this beautiful mind. 275 00:19:33,927 --> 00:19:34,928 -If only I could have everything 276 00:19:34,962 --> 00:19:43,136 inside this beautiful heart. 277 00:19:43,170 --> 00:19:52,780 -All right, ready? 278 00:19:52,813 --> 00:19:55,082 Mm. 279 00:19:55,115 --> 00:20:01,021 It's probably a fibroadenoma, a benign growth. 280 00:20:01,054 --> 00:20:05,693 Should definitely have it removed. 281 00:20:05,726 --> 00:20:07,395 -We--we leave for our honeymoon, 282 00:20:07,428 --> 00:20:09,397 and then we're gone for two weeks over Christmas. 283 00:20:09,430 --> 00:20:10,798 Can it wait? 284 00:20:10,831 --> 00:20:11,965 [doctor] Yes, I think so. 285 00:20:11,999 --> 00:20:14,001 No danger in waiting three weeks. 286 00:20:14,034 --> 00:20:18,138 Though, I want you to see a surgeon for his opinion. 287 00:20:18,171 --> 00:20:20,007 Um, Dr. Peter Richards. 288 00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:22,175 His office is close to Marin General. 289 00:20:22,209 --> 00:20:25,045 Um, you know, let's give him a call in my office. 290 00:20:25,078 --> 00:20:26,980 He might want to fit you in before the trip. 291 00:20:27,014 --> 00:20:28,015 Okay? -Okay. 292 00:20:28,048 --> 00:20:29,783 -Oh, Dr. Peter Richards. 293 00:20:29,817 --> 00:20:31,952 He is wonderful. 294 00:20:31,985 --> 00:20:38,025 He did my colon operation 15 years ago at M.D. Anderson. 295 00:20:38,058 --> 00:20:39,126 -He's the Chief of Surgery 296 00:20:39,159 --> 00:20:41,161 at Children's Hospital in San Fran now. 297 00:20:41,194 --> 00:20:43,163 He says it's probably nothing but 298 00:20:43,196 --> 00:20:45,132 just to be safe, he wants to take it out. 299 00:20:45,165 --> 00:20:46,767 Anyhow, I gotta go pack. 300 00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:49,503 -So you have your exam tomorrow and then 301 00:20:49,537 --> 00:20:51,271 you're counseling. Is that right? 302 00:20:51,305 --> 00:20:53,941 -Yes. Dr. Richards will remove the lump 303 00:20:53,974 --> 00:20:56,243 the next day before we fly. 304 00:20:56,276 --> 00:20:58,812 -Oh? All right. 305 00:20:58,846 --> 00:21:01,214 And Ken is taking good care of you? 306 00:21:01,248 --> 00:21:03,016 -Of course he is, Mom. 307 00:21:03,050 --> 00:21:04,518 -Well, I just... 308 00:21:04,552 --> 00:21:05,786 -You just what? 309 00:21:05,819 --> 00:21:07,321 -Oh, nothing, honey. I just, uh-- 310 00:21:07,355 --> 00:21:09,357 -Mom, listen. 311 00:21:09,390 --> 00:21:11,058 I know what you think 312 00:21:11,091 --> 00:21:14,294 and not everyone understands or agrees with his books. 313 00:21:14,328 --> 00:21:16,163 But, you know, he's more than 314 00:21:16,196 --> 00:21:18,899 what's just written in those books, okay? 315 00:21:18,932 --> 00:21:20,968 -All right. 316 00:21:21,001 --> 00:21:22,470 -I love you. I've got to go pack. 317 00:21:22,503 --> 00:21:23,937 -I love you. 318 00:21:23,971 --> 00:21:25,506 -Bye. 319 00:21:25,539 --> 00:21:28,241 -Safe flight. 320 00:21:28,275 --> 00:21:35,849 [young Treya laughing] 321 00:21:35,883 --> 00:21:39,119 -Honey, are we gonna do that swim across the bay? 322 00:21:40,554 --> 00:21:42,155 -Is the Pope Catholic? 323 00:21:42,189 --> 00:21:43,323 -Uh huh. 324 00:21:43,357 --> 00:21:45,125 -Does a one-legged duck swim in circles? 325 00:21:45,158 --> 00:21:47,428 -[chuckles] Yes. 326 00:21:47,461 --> 00:21:49,196 -Was Jesus a carpenter? 327 00:21:50,898 --> 00:21:53,066 -Does an obnoxious husband think that he's gonna 328 00:21:53,100 --> 00:21:56,537 get me tonight by asking silly questions? 329 00:21:56,570 --> 00:21:57,971 -Oh, that's nice. 330 00:21:58,005 --> 00:21:59,072 -It is nice. 331 00:22:00,273 --> 00:22:04,812 -Soft... 332 00:22:04,845 --> 00:22:06,279 So, do you think we're gonna find dolphins 333 00:22:06,313 --> 00:22:08,115 out there in that ocean? 334 00:22:08,148 --> 00:22:09,349 [Ken] Mm-hm. 335 00:22:09,383 --> 00:22:11,452 [Treya] Maybe we can see some whales? 336 00:22:12,553 --> 00:22:13,954 [Ken] Or sharks. 337 00:22:13,987 --> 00:22:16,156 [Treya] This little bay right here. No sharks! 338 00:22:16,189 --> 00:22:21,495 [both chuckle] 339 00:22:21,529 --> 00:22:22,896 [Dr. Richards] So how old were you 340 00:22:22,930 --> 00:22:25,032 when you started menstruating? 341 00:22:25,065 --> 00:22:26,534 [Treya] Maybe 14. 342 00:22:26,567 --> 00:22:29,570 [Dr. Richards] Okay. Have you ever had a child? 343 00:22:29,603 --> 00:22:31,371 -Uh, no. I've never been pregnant. 344 00:22:31,405 --> 00:22:32,973 -Okay. 345 00:22:33,006 --> 00:22:35,476 Has anyone in your family had breast cancer? 346 00:22:35,509 --> 00:22:37,244 -Not that I know of. 347 00:22:37,277 --> 00:22:41,148 -Okay. And has the lump ever hurt? 348 00:22:41,181 --> 00:22:43,383 -No, never. 349 00:22:43,417 --> 00:22:45,385 -Okay. Are you nervous 350 00:22:45,419 --> 00:22:49,056 about the operation, about the local anesthesia? 351 00:22:49,089 --> 00:22:51,158 I mean, if you--if you are, we can give you something. 352 00:22:51,191 --> 00:22:52,993 [Treya] No, I feel fine. 353 00:22:53,026 --> 00:22:54,562 [Dr. Richards] Good. And do you eat meat? 354 00:22:54,595 --> 00:22:56,464 [Treya] Nope. Vegetarian. 355 00:22:56,497 --> 00:22:57,431 [Dr. Richards] Oh, good for you. 356 00:22:59,166 --> 00:23:00,067 All right. 357 00:23:04,438 --> 00:23:06,039 [Treya chuckles] 358 00:23:07,975 --> 00:23:10,911 [footsteps] 359 00:23:18,318 --> 00:23:21,221 [ocean breeze] 360 00:23:24,091 --> 00:23:26,994 [footsteps] 361 00:23:29,530 --> 00:23:32,432 [***] 362 00:23:49,483 --> 00:23:52,385 [footsteps] 363 00:23:54,221 --> 00:23:57,124 [***] 364 00:24:05,699 --> 00:24:08,669 -Hi. I'd like to see the Wilbers in my office. 365 00:24:08,702 --> 00:24:09,637 [Nurse] Okay. -Good. 366 00:24:16,476 --> 00:24:20,714 -I'm sorry. But the tumor is malignant. 367 00:24:25,018 --> 00:24:29,590 -And, um, the detailed results are--? 368 00:24:29,623 --> 00:24:31,191 -Yeah, let me get that for you. 369 00:24:36,329 --> 00:24:38,599 Can I get a nurse in my office with the Wilber chart, please? 370 00:24:38,632 --> 00:24:41,468 -How? It's so unfair. 371 00:24:41,501 --> 00:24:44,437 [crying] 372 00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:48,108 -This is crazy. 373 00:24:48,141 --> 00:24:49,610 Most medical and scientific information 374 00:24:49,643 --> 00:24:52,345 is either inconclusive or negative. 375 00:24:52,379 --> 00:24:54,314 -Okay. I just read a New Age perspective 376 00:24:54,347 --> 00:24:57,685 that says illness is a lesson. 377 00:24:57,718 --> 00:24:59,152 While most alternative information 378 00:24:59,186 --> 00:25:01,388 is unrelenting and positive. 379 00:25:01,421 --> 00:25:03,691 Did you see that Woody Allen quote? 380 00:25:03,724 --> 00:25:05,192 -It looks like everybody who gets treated 381 00:25:05,225 --> 00:25:07,595 by orthodox medicine dies. 382 00:25:07,628 --> 00:25:11,732 "I don't get angry. I grow tumors instead." 383 00:25:11,765 --> 00:25:14,167 -The one who gets treated with the alternative medicine lives. 384 00:25:14,201 --> 00:25:16,103 [Ken laughs] 385 00:25:16,136 --> 00:25:18,171 -A film with a giant squirting boob 386 00:25:18,205 --> 00:25:20,340 as a character in it. 387 00:25:20,373 --> 00:25:21,609 Condemned to meaning. 388 00:25:21,642 --> 00:25:23,310 [Ken sighs] 389 00:25:23,343 --> 00:25:25,112 -Are we wearing matching outfits? 390 00:25:29,683 --> 00:25:31,685 By curiosity, or whatever design... 391 00:25:39,827 --> 00:25:41,294 -Okay, Mr. Wilber. 392 00:25:43,530 --> 00:25:44,832 I'll make the list. 393 00:25:46,634 --> 00:25:49,369 A period of depression I went through, 394 00:25:49,402 --> 00:25:53,340 repressing some emotions, eating too much animal fat. 395 00:25:53,373 --> 00:25:58,145 Is it possible that somewhere inside ... worrying ... 396 00:25:58,178 --> 00:26:00,347 part of me doesn't want to live? 397 00:26:00,380 --> 00:26:03,216 Being too self-critical. 398 00:26:03,250 --> 00:26:05,552 I just don't want you to have to worry about me. 399 00:26:05,585 --> 00:26:07,655 Lonely as a child maybe. 400 00:26:07,688 --> 00:26:09,690 [Ken] People saying it's caused by repressed emotions 401 00:26:09,723 --> 00:26:11,124 don't know what they're talking about. 402 00:26:11,158 --> 00:26:12,559 -Not meeting Ken sooner. 403 00:26:15,663 --> 00:26:17,798 So, what do you think? 404 00:26:17,831 --> 00:26:18,832 -I like the last one. 405 00:26:23,737 --> 00:26:25,706 I don't know what caused it, sweetheart, 406 00:26:25,739 --> 00:26:27,474 and I don't think anybody does. 407 00:26:27,507 --> 00:26:29,242 -Ken, I'm scared. 408 00:26:36,383 --> 00:26:39,552 -As long as you're breathing and crying, 409 00:26:39,586 --> 00:26:41,388 I won't worry about you. 410 00:26:41,421 --> 00:26:44,291 Now, if you stop either one, then I'll worry. 411 00:26:52,565 --> 00:26:55,202 If you want to make any changes, 412 00:26:55,235 --> 00:26:57,805 don't do any of them because you think they caused it. 413 00:27:00,908 --> 00:27:03,610 Do it because you want to do it anyway. 414 00:27:05,312 --> 00:27:07,514 Hm? Look... 415 00:27:09,917 --> 00:27:12,419 let's make it a new beginning. Hm? 416 00:27:14,888 --> 00:27:16,724 -You promise? 417 00:27:21,561 --> 00:27:25,799 [both chuckling] 418 00:27:25,833 --> 00:27:27,634 -I love you. 419 00:27:29,502 --> 00:27:32,405 [***] 420 00:27:37,878 --> 00:27:40,447 -Okay, it's a new procedure. 421 00:27:40,480 --> 00:27:41,882 It was pioneered in Europe. 422 00:27:41,915 --> 00:27:44,684 And I think you'd be a really good candidate for it. 423 00:27:44,718 --> 00:27:47,855 You see, these tumors are the Nazis of the cancer crowd 424 00:27:47,888 --> 00:27:49,222 and they're not terribly impressed with 425 00:27:49,256 --> 00:27:51,158 wheatgrass or sweet thoughts. 426 00:27:51,191 --> 00:27:53,727 I mean, you got to nuke these bastards. 427 00:27:53,761 --> 00:27:55,362 As a matter of fact, I had a discussion about it 428 00:27:55,395 --> 00:27:57,497 with your mom and Rad right after I'd read about it. 429 00:28:00,700 --> 00:28:01,802 -Babe? 430 00:28:03,570 --> 00:28:04,838 -Um, we've certainly done the research 431 00:28:04,872 --> 00:28:07,207 on the various combinations. 432 00:28:07,240 --> 00:28:08,341 -For sure. 433 00:28:08,375 --> 00:28:11,845 [breathes deeply] Okay. 434 00:28:11,879 --> 00:28:16,817 Segmental mastectomy, that'll save lymph nodes. 435 00:28:16,850 --> 00:28:18,351 Followed by radiation 436 00:28:18,385 --> 00:28:21,488 and a spectrum of holistic treatments. 437 00:28:23,356 --> 00:28:24,291 [Dr. Richards] I like this. 438 00:28:25,859 --> 00:28:26,693 -Okay. 439 00:28:39,840 --> 00:28:41,942 -Babe, I can't believe this is our honeymoon. 440 00:28:43,977 --> 00:28:47,614 -We'll be there in Hawaii. I'll wear that bikini. 441 00:28:47,647 --> 00:28:52,252 [chuckles] 442 00:28:52,285 --> 00:28:53,821 -What are you doing? 443 00:28:53,854 --> 00:28:56,323 -A hospital is a terrible place to be if you're sick. 444 00:28:56,356 --> 00:28:57,657 I mean, there are germs in the hospital 445 00:28:57,690 --> 00:28:59,927 that you can't get anywhere else. 446 00:28:59,960 --> 00:29:02,429 If the germs don't get you, the food will. 447 00:29:02,462 --> 00:29:04,965 So, I'm staying. 448 00:29:04,998 --> 00:29:08,368 Besides, this is our honeymoon. 449 00:29:17,878 --> 00:29:18,879 [knocking on door] 450 00:29:18,912 --> 00:29:20,313 -Come in. 451 00:29:21,648 --> 00:29:23,750 -You've got visitors. 452 00:29:23,783 --> 00:29:27,955 -Ooh. So you are rock solid, sweetheart. 453 00:29:27,988 --> 00:29:31,925 Oh. Twenty nodes out, all negative. 454 00:29:31,959 --> 00:29:34,494 -I know. -That is so impressive. 455 00:29:34,527 --> 00:29:38,265 Now, Kent and Kati and I went Christmas shopping near Max's, 456 00:29:38,298 --> 00:29:40,700 but we didn't find a thing for you. 457 00:29:40,733 --> 00:29:42,435 -Thanks, Mom. 458 00:29:42,469 --> 00:29:44,304 -We are busting you outta here tomorrow. 459 00:29:44,337 --> 00:29:45,772 -I can't wait! 460 00:29:45,805 --> 00:29:47,740 I'm so excited! -Me too. I missed you. 461 00:29:47,774 --> 00:29:48,842 -I missed you. -[chuckles] 462 00:29:48,876 --> 00:29:51,644 -Come home for Christmas. 463 00:29:51,678 --> 00:29:52,812 -We have cookies ready... 464 00:29:52,846 --> 00:29:54,581 -Presents. -Yep. [laughs] 465 00:29:54,614 --> 00:29:57,650 -Oh, you're gonna get so many presents. 466 00:29:57,684 --> 00:29:59,519 -Oh, my favorite. -[Sue] Oh. 467 00:30:11,598 --> 00:30:14,868 [all laughing] 468 00:30:19,439 --> 00:30:22,542 [indistinct conversation] 469 00:30:37,424 --> 00:30:40,127 [moans softly] 470 00:31:19,799 --> 00:31:22,702 [***] 471 00:31:34,014 --> 00:31:36,783 [birds chirping] 472 00:31:36,816 --> 00:31:41,021 -Since your tumor was estrogen positive, 473 00:31:41,054 --> 00:31:43,856 the--the hormonal shifts with being pregnant 474 00:31:43,890 --> 00:31:48,595 would be like fertilizer for any remaining cells. 475 00:31:48,628 --> 00:31:51,531 I think it's an amazing sign that you're-- 476 00:31:51,564 --> 00:31:54,467 that you're pregnant, Terry. I do. 477 00:31:54,501 --> 00:31:57,437 And if, if you're free of this in two years, 478 00:31:57,470 --> 00:32:01,041 you can get pregnant again. 479 00:32:01,074 --> 00:32:03,110 -So we'll wait. 480 00:32:03,143 --> 00:32:05,778 Hey, we'll do it again. 481 00:32:05,812 --> 00:32:06,946 And you're a healthy girl 482 00:32:06,980 --> 00:32:09,016 and we're gonna start a big fucking family. 483 00:32:09,049 --> 00:32:09,916 [Treya laughs tearily] 484 00:32:14,954 --> 00:32:16,089 [Treya clears throat] 485 00:32:17,190 --> 00:32:19,059 [Ken] Thanks, Doc. 486 00:32:19,092 --> 00:32:20,193 [Dr. Richards] Of course. 487 00:32:23,997 --> 00:32:26,899 [***] 488 00:32:30,537 --> 00:32:33,140 [Treya] [voice-over] Sorry I haven't written in so long. 489 00:32:33,173 --> 00:32:36,743 The big news now is that we're moving to Lake Tahoe. 490 00:32:38,945 --> 00:32:41,648 It all came about because I accidentally got pregnant. 491 00:32:43,083 --> 00:32:45,518 I cried for a week. 492 00:32:45,552 --> 00:32:49,689 It made me realize how much I really want Ken's child. 493 00:32:49,722 --> 00:32:51,691 Kids love Ken. 494 00:32:51,724 --> 00:32:52,925 He says it's because 495 00:32:52,959 --> 00:32:55,028 he's the same emotional age as they are. 496 00:32:57,997 --> 00:33:00,033 We'll be clear in two years though. 497 00:33:00,067 --> 00:33:01,734 Honey, are you ready? 498 00:33:03,103 --> 00:33:05,538 I told the magazine I'd fax your interview today. 499 00:33:05,572 --> 00:33:06,706 [voice-over] When we met, 500 00:33:06,739 --> 00:33:10,210 he owned one desk chair, a typewriter ... 501 00:33:10,243 --> 00:33:12,212 Okay, Mr. Wilber. 502 00:33:12,245 --> 00:33:13,813 [voice-over] ... and 4,000 books. 503 00:33:13,846 --> 00:33:15,482 Why don't you start by explaining 504 00:33:15,515 --> 00:33:18,585 what you mean by the "perennial philosophy"? 505 00:33:18,618 --> 00:33:21,254 -[clears throat] Okay, well, the human body, for example, 506 00:33:21,288 --> 00:33:23,823 has 208 bones, one heart and two kidneys, 507 00:33:23,856 --> 00:33:26,025 whether it appears in Mozambique or Manhattan, 508 00:33:26,059 --> 00:33:27,827 whether today or a thousand years ago. 509 00:33:27,860 --> 00:33:30,197 These we call "deep structures." 510 00:33:32,632 --> 00:33:35,868 Well, just as the human body universally grows hair, 511 00:33:35,902 --> 00:33:38,705 the human mind universally grows ideas, 512 00:33:38,738 --> 00:33:42,008 and the human spirit universally grows intuitions. 513 00:33:42,041 --> 00:33:44,511 -It's hard to see what many religions, 514 00:33:44,544 --> 00:33:48,115 like Buddhism and Christianity, for instance, might agree on. 515 00:33:48,148 --> 00:33:50,517 -Mm. We charge extra for that. 516 00:33:50,550 --> 00:33:53,686 -Oh, come on. Give me six points. 517 00:33:53,720 --> 00:33:58,525 -All right. One, spirit exists. Two, it resides within. 518 00:33:58,558 --> 00:34:00,627 Three, most of us don't realize this 519 00:34:00,660 --> 00:34:03,062 because we're living in an illusory state of separation. 520 00:34:03,096 --> 00:34:06,099 Four, there is a path out of this state. 521 00:34:06,133 --> 00:34:09,702 Five, if you follow this path, the result is transcendence, 522 00:34:09,736 --> 00:34:13,773 which, six, marks the end of suffering. 523 00:34:15,675 --> 00:34:16,776 Now take your pants off. 524 00:34:17,877 --> 00:34:18,911 -Mr. Wilber! 525 00:34:20,713 --> 00:34:24,083 Okay, so you're saying that spirit exists within? 526 00:34:24,117 --> 00:34:25,084 -Yes. 527 00:34:26,353 --> 00:34:29,322 And it's found by consistently looking within 528 00:34:29,356 --> 00:34:34,093 until within becomes beyond. 529 00:34:34,127 --> 00:34:35,295 -Within, huh? 530 00:34:37,697 --> 00:34:39,031 [recording clicks] 531 00:34:43,703 --> 00:34:45,172 Okay, so for the grand prize. 532 00:34:55,682 --> 00:35:01,154 -So by looking at my mind, I eventually transcend the mind? 533 00:35:01,188 --> 00:35:02,289 -Exactly. 534 00:35:04,123 --> 00:35:06,793 [Treya inhales and exhales deeply] 535 00:35:06,826 --> 00:35:08,161 -You wanna get something to eat? 536 00:35:10,096 --> 00:35:13,833 Or I could make spaghetti again. 537 00:35:13,866 --> 00:35:15,668 -[exhales] I'm trying to transcend. 538 00:35:15,702 --> 00:35:20,139 -[laughs] I'm starving. Transcendence can wait. 539 00:35:20,173 --> 00:35:21,708 [Treya laughs] 540 00:35:23,343 --> 00:35:25,011 [phone ringing] 541 00:35:27,847 --> 00:35:29,849 [Receptionist] Hello, Dr. Richard's office. 542 00:35:29,882 --> 00:35:31,718 -Hi. This is Terry Killam Wilber. 543 00:35:31,751 --> 00:35:33,386 Can I please speak to Dr. Richards, please? 544 00:35:33,420 --> 00:35:35,121 [Receptionist] Of course, one second. 545 00:35:35,154 --> 00:35:36,088 [Dr. Richards] Hey, Terry. 546 00:35:36,122 --> 00:35:38,157 It's Dr. Richards. 547 00:35:38,191 --> 00:35:41,628 Listen, we got the results of your test back today. 548 00:35:41,661 --> 00:35:43,363 Look, I'm really sorry to say this. 549 00:35:43,396 --> 00:35:46,733 It's--it's an unusual kind of recurrence. 550 00:35:46,766 --> 00:35:49,402 But I don't want you to worry. We can take care of this. 551 00:35:49,436 --> 00:35:50,970 So, when can you come back in? 552 00:35:51,003 --> 00:35:52,171 -Uh, I can be there tomorrow. 553 00:35:54,140 --> 00:35:56,943 Okay. Thank you. 554 00:36:01,180 --> 00:36:02,715 [voice-over] If it is, it is. 555 00:36:08,921 --> 00:36:10,823 [Dr. Richards] Hello, how are you doing? 556 00:36:10,857 --> 00:36:11,891 -Good. 557 00:36:11,924 --> 00:36:13,059 [Dr. Richards] Comfortable? 558 00:36:13,092 --> 00:36:14,093 -Yeah. 559 00:36:14,126 --> 00:36:15,027 [Dr. Richards] Good. 560 00:36:16,396 --> 00:36:21,167 So, when I remove your right breast today, 561 00:36:21,200 --> 00:36:22,302 Dr. Harvey will be reducing 562 00:36:22,335 --> 00:36:24,771 the size of your left. -Yeah. 563 00:36:24,804 --> 00:36:28,841 -See, some of the cells got caught on the drainage tube. 564 00:36:28,875 --> 00:36:31,143 And so when we took that out, they got caught on the skin 565 00:36:31,177 --> 00:36:32,879 and were left behind. 566 00:36:32,912 --> 00:36:35,248 And I promise you, we will get them all today, Terry. 567 00:36:35,282 --> 00:36:36,182 [Treya] Okay. 568 00:36:38,751 --> 00:36:39,486 -Okay. 569 00:36:41,721 --> 00:36:43,890 There. 570 00:36:43,923 --> 00:36:46,759 All right, so we're gonna have to move your nipple up. 571 00:36:46,793 --> 00:36:48,261 But we can do this without severing the connection 572 00:36:48,295 --> 00:36:49,862 with the milk ducts. 573 00:36:49,896 --> 00:36:51,864 So that way, the breast stays functional 574 00:36:51,898 --> 00:36:54,901 and if you ever decide you want to have a child. 575 00:36:54,934 --> 00:36:59,038 [breathes deeply] 576 00:36:59,071 --> 00:37:02,375 -Okay. Eighty-three. All right? 577 00:37:02,409 --> 00:37:04,143 If you don't mind, can you just stand up here? 578 00:37:04,176 --> 00:37:05,778 I'm just gonna-- -[Treya] Uh, yeah. 579 00:37:05,812 --> 00:37:06,846 [Dr. Richards] Unfortunately, I'm gonna have to draw on you 580 00:37:06,879 --> 00:37:08,214 a little bit. -That's okay. 581 00:37:08,247 --> 00:37:10,082 [knocking on door] 582 00:37:14,354 --> 00:37:15,488 -Hey, come in, come in. -Hi. 583 00:37:19,926 --> 00:37:22,795 Um, hi, sweetie, is it-- 584 00:37:22,829 --> 00:37:23,896 is this all right? 585 00:37:23,930 --> 00:37:24,997 [Treya] It's fine, Mom. 586 00:37:26,299 --> 00:37:27,934 It's okay, Come, and I'll show you. 587 00:37:31,538 --> 00:37:33,205 -I'll be right back, baby. 588 00:37:33,239 --> 00:37:34,474 [Treya] Okay, sweetheart. 589 00:37:37,109 --> 00:37:40,012 [***] 590 00:37:54,927 --> 00:37:58,297 [creepy music] 591 00:38:09,809 --> 00:38:12,845 [sobs] 592 00:38:28,227 --> 00:38:31,163 [cries] 593 00:38:44,210 --> 00:38:46,446 -I mean, you're like such a stud! 594 00:38:46,479 --> 00:38:48,981 [exhales] Total stud. 595 00:38:49,015 --> 00:38:50,216 -[chuckles] No. -Yes. 596 00:38:52,351 --> 00:38:55,087 -Look, it's been with us a year, 597 00:38:55,121 --> 00:38:57,156 as long as we've been married. 598 00:38:59,291 --> 00:39:04,564 The program's straightforward: diet... megavitamins... 599 00:39:04,597 --> 00:39:06,466 well, of course, [chuckles]... 600 00:39:06,499 --> 00:39:09,301 [together] sexercise! [laughs] 601 00:39:09,335 --> 00:39:11,037 -More sexercise. 602 00:39:11,070 --> 00:39:13,473 [laughs] 603 00:39:13,506 --> 00:39:16,075 I think I was more upset about your boob than you were. 604 00:39:16,108 --> 00:39:19,211 -Yeah, well, it was worth it. 605 00:39:19,245 --> 00:39:20,179 -Yeah. 606 00:39:21,448 --> 00:39:24,316 -The doctors seem unanimous. 607 00:39:24,350 --> 00:39:25,284 -Biggest stud I know. 608 00:39:25,317 --> 00:39:26,853 [both laugh] 609 00:39:26,886 --> 00:39:28,054 -I love you, Kati. 610 00:39:28,087 --> 00:39:29,355 -I love you. 611 00:39:37,930 --> 00:39:40,066 [phone ringing] 612 00:39:46,906 --> 00:39:49,241 [Ken] [into phone] Hello? 613 00:39:49,275 --> 00:39:50,342 Yes. 614 00:39:55,314 --> 00:39:56,415 Mm-hm. 615 00:39:59,385 --> 00:40:00,352 I see. 616 00:40:05,391 --> 00:40:06,593 Okay, thank you. 617 00:40:07,927 --> 00:40:08,661 [hangs up phone] 618 00:40:21,474 --> 00:40:22,509 -What? 619 00:40:26,546 --> 00:40:32,685 Look, I'm barely stage two, estrogen positive, clean nodes. 620 00:40:35,622 --> 00:40:37,524 -The opinions were divided. 621 00:40:41,193 --> 00:40:43,462 -Just fucking tell me straight, Ken! 622 00:40:43,496 --> 00:40:46,966 [breathes rapidly] 623 00:40:46,999 --> 00:40:49,235 -Recurrence within a year. 624 00:40:49,268 --> 00:40:53,973 Recurrence in a radiated area. Estrogen negative. 625 00:40:54,006 --> 00:40:55,474 Grade four, stage four. 626 00:41:11,658 --> 00:41:15,995 -[crying] No. 627 00:41:16,028 --> 00:41:17,429 I don't want it. 628 00:41:17,463 --> 00:41:20,066 Please. No. 629 00:41:21,367 --> 00:41:24,170 [crying] 630 00:41:24,203 --> 00:41:27,006 -Listen, listen. 631 00:41:27,039 --> 00:41:28,708 What does this decision all hinge on? 632 00:41:30,309 --> 00:41:34,046 -Intellect isn't going to save the day now, Ken. 633 00:41:39,418 --> 00:41:40,519 [exhales] 634 00:41:45,291 --> 00:41:47,126 Okay. What? 635 00:41:49,361 --> 00:41:52,665 -The pathology report. Dr. Lagios. 636 00:41:52,699 --> 00:41:54,500 He's the one that's been staring down the microscope 637 00:41:54,533 --> 00:41:56,636 at your cells, and it's his report 638 00:41:56,669 --> 00:41:58,605 that these doctors are trying to interpret. 639 00:42:04,476 --> 00:42:06,178 You want me to call or you? 640 00:42:11,483 --> 00:42:13,820 -Doctors listen to men. You call. 641 00:42:20,760 --> 00:42:22,762 [phone dial beeping] 642 00:42:25,264 --> 00:42:26,799 -Dr. Lagios, please. 643 00:42:26,833 --> 00:42:28,735 It's Ken Wilber. It's urgent. 644 00:42:33,740 --> 00:42:37,710 Dr. Lagios, I know this is unusual, 645 00:42:37,744 --> 00:42:41,147 but Terry and I have some difficult decisions to make, 646 00:42:41,180 --> 00:42:43,449 and I was wondering if I can just talk to you for a minute. 647 00:42:46,719 --> 00:42:48,755 Dr. Lagios, our doctors are divided 648 00:42:48,788 --> 00:42:52,358 as to whether Terry's recurrence was local or metastatic. 649 00:42:52,391 --> 00:42:53,492 I just want to know 650 00:42:53,525 --> 00:42:55,527 how aggressive the cells look to you. 651 00:42:56,763 --> 00:42:57,764 Please. 652 00:43:08,708 --> 00:43:11,077 Tell me, Dr. Lagios. 653 00:43:11,110 --> 00:43:13,445 If this was your wife, would you recommend chemo? 654 00:43:17,416 --> 00:43:18,417 And the odds? 655 00:43:26,125 --> 00:43:27,860 [sniffles] 656 00:43:51,583 --> 00:43:52,785 -Whfff. 657 00:43:55,788 --> 00:43:59,158 Suicide sounds nice right about now. 658 00:43:59,191 --> 00:44:00,559 [breathes deeply] 659 00:44:02,394 --> 00:44:04,363 -The Reglan's hitting you hard. 660 00:44:04,396 --> 00:44:06,265 You're having a bad histamine reaction. 661 00:44:06,298 --> 00:44:07,900 Just hold on for the Benadryl, okay? 662 00:44:07,934 --> 00:44:09,335 Could you start the Benadryl? 663 00:44:09,368 --> 00:44:12,671 [Treya breathing rapidly] 664 00:44:12,705 --> 00:44:13,773 Hang in there. 665 00:44:13,806 --> 00:44:15,174 We'll be back at the hotel in no time, okay? 666 00:44:15,207 --> 00:44:18,310 [Treya breathing rapidly] 667 00:44:23,916 --> 00:44:26,385 You got this. You got this. 668 00:44:26,418 --> 00:44:29,321 [Treya breathing rapidly] 669 00:44:46,538 --> 00:44:47,573 -Are you okay? 670 00:44:47,606 --> 00:44:49,275 -Yeah. Keep reading to me. 671 00:44:55,614 --> 00:44:57,884 The witness exercise from No Boundary , would you? 672 00:44:57,917 --> 00:45:01,720 [Treya breathing deeply] 673 00:45:04,891 --> 00:45:09,195 -"I have a body, but I am not my body. 674 00:45:09,228 --> 00:45:11,463 "My body may be tired or excited, 675 00:45:11,497 --> 00:45:14,700 "sick or healthy, anxious or calm, 676 00:45:14,733 --> 00:45:18,704 "but that has nothing to do with my inward I. 677 00:45:18,737 --> 00:45:22,441 "I have emotions, but I am not my emotions. 678 00:45:22,474 --> 00:45:24,576 Emotions pass through me." 679 00:45:27,279 --> 00:45:33,452 -[sighs] It really helps, it just doesn't last. 680 00:45:33,485 --> 00:45:36,655 I feel like I'm crawling out of my skin. 681 00:45:36,688 --> 00:45:40,392 Suicide sounds sensible. 682 00:45:40,426 --> 00:45:41,693 Oh, god. Hm. 683 00:45:41,727 --> 00:45:42,795 -Nietzche used to say 684 00:45:42,829 --> 00:45:44,363 that the only way he got to sleep at night 685 00:45:44,396 --> 00:45:46,966 was by promising to kill himself in the morning. 686 00:45:46,999 --> 00:45:49,869 [both laughing] 687 00:45:52,438 --> 00:45:54,573 -Okay. Read me more. 688 00:45:57,877 --> 00:46:01,580 The part about the... the witness being immortal. 689 00:46:04,016 --> 00:46:06,418 -Sure. 690 00:46:06,452 --> 00:46:08,320 [voice-over] "Perhaps you, like most people, 691 00:46:08,354 --> 00:46:09,688 "feel that you are 692 00:46:09,721 --> 00:46:12,491 "basically the same person you were yesterday. 693 00:46:12,524 --> 00:46:14,393 "You probably also feel that you are fundamentally 694 00:46:14,426 --> 00:46:17,729 "the same person you were a year ago. 695 00:46:17,763 --> 00:46:20,833 "Put another way: you never remember a time 696 00:46:20,867 --> 00:46:23,302 "when you weren't you. 697 00:46:23,335 --> 00:46:24,871 "In other words, something in you 698 00:46:24,904 --> 00:46:28,841 "seems to remain untouched by the passage of time. 699 00:46:28,875 --> 00:46:32,011 "Your mind, your body, your feelings, 700 00:46:32,044 --> 00:46:34,981 "all have changed with time. 701 00:46:35,014 --> 00:46:39,418 "But you know that something has not changed. 702 00:46:39,451 --> 00:46:41,487 Something feels the same." 703 00:46:49,061 --> 00:46:51,797 [Treya] [voice-over] Chemo is based on a single principle: 704 00:46:51,830 --> 00:46:55,767 cancer cells divide and grow twice as fast as healthy cells. 705 00:46:58,337 --> 00:47:00,406 The idea is to kill some healthy cells, 706 00:47:00,439 --> 00:47:03,309 but many more bad cells. 707 00:47:03,342 --> 00:47:04,944 At the end of a successful round, 708 00:47:04,977 --> 00:47:07,914 the tumor is dead and the patient only half-dead. 709 00:47:10,049 --> 00:47:12,851 Ken and I stood in front of the mirror together, 710 00:47:12,885 --> 00:47:15,787 staring at the odd sight of the both of us, 711 00:47:15,821 --> 00:47:18,324 just laughing. 712 00:47:18,357 --> 00:47:20,492 Ken's been unbelievably supportive, 713 00:47:20,526 --> 00:47:23,963 and that he keeps me laughing has saved my life. 714 00:47:23,996 --> 00:47:26,398 When I first shaved my head, 715 00:47:26,432 --> 00:47:30,736 he told me I'm the sexiest woman he's ever been with. 716 00:47:30,769 --> 00:47:32,905 And then he told me he likes my head so much this way 717 00:47:32,939 --> 00:47:34,040 that after it grows back, 718 00:47:34,073 --> 00:47:36,943 he wants me to shave it again. [chuckles] 719 00:47:36,976 --> 00:47:38,577 Linda Conger came up to Tahoe 720 00:47:38,610 --> 00:47:40,512 to photograph us together. 721 00:47:40,546 --> 00:47:43,482 During the shoot, Ken put on my breast prosthesis 722 00:47:43,515 --> 00:47:45,451 and suggested Linda shoot us nude 723 00:47:45,484 --> 00:47:47,653 from the waist up. 724 00:47:47,686 --> 00:47:52,791 My god, the three of us laughed so hard we cried. 725 00:47:52,824 --> 00:47:55,794 That's kinda how it is with cancer, I guess, 726 00:47:55,827 --> 00:47:59,865 cry till you laugh and laugh till you cry. 727 00:47:59,898 --> 00:48:02,601 [Kati] [reading] "The rough parts were losing my period, 728 00:48:02,634 --> 00:48:07,906 "mouth sores, painful bowel, blood sometimes. 729 00:48:07,940 --> 00:48:11,043 "But it's amazing what human beings can endure. 730 00:48:11,077 --> 00:48:12,444 "And Kristen and I hosting the group 731 00:48:12,478 --> 00:48:13,879 "from the Wellness Center... 732 00:48:13,912 --> 00:48:16,548 I was so inspired by the stories." 733 00:48:16,582 --> 00:48:19,451 [Treya] [voice-over] After that, it started to get tough. 734 00:48:19,485 --> 00:48:21,954 Ken hasn't written in forever. 735 00:48:21,988 --> 00:48:24,490 He's given up his life to care for me, 736 00:48:24,523 --> 00:48:27,960 all day, all night, every day and night. 737 00:48:27,994 --> 00:48:30,762 Since right when we got married. 738 00:48:30,796 --> 00:48:31,964 [Kati] [reading] " One night, a good friend of mine 739 00:48:31,998 --> 00:48:35,134 "called to ask for some insight about cancer. 740 00:48:35,167 --> 00:48:37,769 "She called for Ken and didn't even ask me. 741 00:48:37,803 --> 00:48:39,705 "I defended, and then it spiraled. 742 00:48:43,175 --> 00:48:44,610 "We've been getting counseling support 743 00:48:44,643 --> 00:48:46,945 "visiting Frances and Roger, 744 00:48:46,979 --> 00:48:50,182 though many days it just seems like it can't work." 745 00:48:54,686 --> 00:48:56,855 [Treya] [voice-over] God, it'll be almost two years. 746 00:48:58,490 --> 00:49:01,560 With Ken's love, I've managed treatments pretty well. 747 00:49:02,861 --> 00:49:04,430 What caught us from behind 748 00:49:04,463 --> 00:49:08,667 is the emotional and psychological devastation. 749 00:49:08,700 --> 00:49:11,637 And I don't think Ken can endure living only for me 750 00:49:11,670 --> 00:49:13,839 without living for himself. 751 00:49:15,941 --> 00:49:18,477 On top of it all, since moving to Tahoe, 752 00:49:18,510 --> 00:49:21,480 Ken seems to have caught some sort of strange bug 753 00:49:21,513 --> 00:49:22,881 no one can identify. 754 00:49:25,084 --> 00:49:26,685 And on top of that, 755 00:49:26,718 --> 00:49:30,122 I can't seem to help being defensive, even grating, 756 00:49:31,990 --> 00:49:34,126 and Ken's dropped into depression. 757 00:49:35,661 --> 00:49:40,599 Better news soon, but always with love, Treya. 758 00:49:40,632 --> 00:49:42,068 [knocking on door] 759 00:49:46,538 --> 00:49:48,006 -Hi. 760 00:49:48,040 --> 00:49:49,108 [both] Hi. 761 00:49:49,141 --> 00:49:50,276 -Thank you for coming. 762 00:49:51,610 --> 00:49:52,878 -Such a pleasure to be here. 763 00:49:52,911 --> 00:49:55,481 I-I-I am a huge fan of your work. 764 00:49:55,514 --> 00:49:58,617 I can't tell you how much your books have affected me. 765 00:49:58,650 --> 00:50:00,286 -Great, thanks. Come on in. 766 00:50:01,853 --> 00:50:04,890 [Tim] [voice-over] So Ken, what are you working on now? 767 00:50:04,923 --> 00:50:06,058 [Ken] [voice-over] I haven't really 768 00:50:06,092 --> 00:50:07,626 done any extended writing for some time. 769 00:50:10,962 --> 00:50:12,931 Just not coming anymore. 770 00:50:12,964 --> 00:50:13,965 That period is over. 771 00:50:17,269 --> 00:50:18,204 -Wow. 772 00:50:20,539 --> 00:50:22,541 What it must be like to be called 773 00:50:22,574 --> 00:50:25,844 the greatest philosopher of consciousness since Freud, 774 00:50:25,877 --> 00:50:27,045 and feel it evaporating. 775 00:50:31,016 --> 00:50:33,085 -More fun than a human should be allowed to have. 776 00:50:57,809 --> 00:50:58,810 [bottles clink] 777 00:52:06,945 --> 00:52:08,980 -The greater the love, the greater the pain. 778 00:52:09,014 --> 00:52:11,116 The greater the love, the greater the pain. 779 00:52:11,149 --> 00:52:13,652 The greater the love, the greater the pain. 780 00:52:15,721 --> 00:52:17,088 "He has no enemies. 781 00:52:17,122 --> 00:52:19,425 He's just intensely disliked by all his friends." 782 00:52:42,881 --> 00:52:45,784 [cries] 783 00:52:56,862 --> 00:52:57,896 [sniffles] Flatline 784 00:53:00,799 --> 00:53:01,900 It's check out time. 785 00:53:09,775 --> 00:53:11,977 [Ken breathes deeply] 786 00:53:13,044 --> 00:53:14,880 [footsteps] 787 00:53:14,913 --> 00:53:17,816 [newspaper rustling] 788 00:53:19,285 --> 00:53:21,787 [footsteps] 789 00:53:29,728 --> 00:53:30,896 [clears throat] 790 00:53:36,268 --> 00:53:38,136 -Can you do that in the other room, please? 791 00:53:44,276 --> 00:53:46,978 -I like to read the paper here. 792 00:53:47,012 --> 00:53:51,149 It's my favorite place for that. I look forward to it. 793 00:53:51,182 --> 00:53:54,085 [newspaper rustling] 794 00:53:58,089 --> 00:54:00,326 -Look, this is my office. 795 00:54:00,359 --> 00:54:03,729 All three other rooms are dedicated to your needs. 796 00:54:03,762 --> 00:54:07,132 Including an office. So, find one. 797 00:54:07,165 --> 00:54:08,199 -No. 798 00:54:12,203 --> 00:54:15,073 [newspaper rustling] 799 00:54:19,811 --> 00:54:24,215 -This is the only thing I have left for myself. 800 00:54:26,251 --> 00:54:27,953 It's not a lot to ask. 801 00:54:29,321 --> 00:54:31,523 -You know, it's really aggravating when you're snide. 802 00:54:33,124 --> 00:54:34,259 I'm reading here. 803 00:54:40,832 --> 00:54:41,567 -Get out. 804 00:54:44,035 --> 00:54:44,970 -No! 805 00:54:47,172 --> 00:54:48,374 -What the fuck else can I do! 806 00:54:48,407 --> 00:54:49,908 Get out! 807 00:54:49,941 --> 00:54:51,377 -Get out yourself! 808 00:54:51,410 --> 00:54:53,412 -You goddamn obnoxious bitch! 809 00:54:53,445 --> 00:54:55,414 -Fuck you, Ken. Fuck you! 810 00:54:55,447 --> 00:54:59,351 [groans] Get, get off me! 811 00:55:01,152 --> 00:55:02,053 [Ken] I don't know what you want! 812 00:55:02,087 --> 00:55:03,121 [Treya] Fuck you! 813 00:55:15,901 --> 00:55:17,469 -I'm leaving. 814 00:55:17,503 --> 00:55:19,871 I'm going to San Francisco. 815 00:55:19,905 --> 00:55:22,841 I hate what we're doing. You can come or you can-- 816 00:55:22,874 --> 00:55:24,009 -Leave. 817 00:55:26,011 --> 00:55:27,446 Ah, just leave. 818 00:55:29,415 --> 00:55:32,584 [somber music] 819 00:55:41,059 --> 00:55:44,229 [sobbing] 820 00:55:51,036 --> 00:55:52,638 [phone ringing] 821 00:55:56,341 --> 00:55:58,844 [Sue] [over answering machine] Hi, honey, it's Mom. 822 00:55:58,877 --> 00:56:03,048 You know what we think of Ken. I don't mean that. 823 00:56:03,081 --> 00:56:05,050 We just don't agree with what he writes. 824 00:56:05,083 --> 00:56:07,118 That's all. 825 00:56:07,152 --> 00:56:11,122 Any man would be so lucky to have you. 826 00:56:12,958 --> 00:56:14,325 [Vicky] [over answering machine] Hi, Terry. It's Vicky. 827 00:56:14,359 --> 00:56:15,594 Pick up if you're there. 828 00:56:17,496 --> 00:56:18,363 [Sue] [over answering machine] So you call me 829 00:56:18,396 --> 00:56:21,600 if you need anything. 830 00:56:21,633 --> 00:56:23,068 I love you. 831 00:56:23,101 --> 00:56:24,436 [sighs deeply] 832 00:56:28,474 --> 00:56:30,208 [answering machine picks up] 833 00:56:31,577 --> 00:56:32,911 [Vicky] [over answering machine] Hi, Terry. It's Vicki. 834 00:56:32,944 --> 00:56:34,012 Pick up if you're there. 835 00:56:34,045 --> 00:56:34,946 [Sue] [over answering machine] You call me 836 00:56:34,980 --> 00:56:37,616 if you need anything. 837 00:56:37,649 --> 00:56:39,350 I love you. 838 00:56:39,384 --> 00:56:40,986 [answering machine beeps] 839 00:56:41,019 --> 00:56:41,987 [Vicky] [over answering machine] Hi, Terry. It's Vicki. 840 00:56:42,020 --> 00:56:43,421 Pick up if you're there. 841 00:56:43,455 --> 00:56:46,391 Ken called. He's in San Francisco. 842 00:56:46,424 --> 00:56:48,494 He's getting help. 843 00:56:48,527 --> 00:56:51,262 I thought you should know. 844 00:56:51,296 --> 00:56:54,365 I want to be supportive. 845 00:56:54,399 --> 00:56:57,002 You deserve each other, Terry. 846 00:56:57,035 --> 00:56:58,670 [answering machine beeps] 847 00:56:58,704 --> 00:57:01,039 [Sue] [over answering machine] I know you're listening. 848 00:57:01,072 --> 00:57:01,973 I love you. 849 00:57:08,379 --> 00:57:09,715 -I have to let go... 850 00:57:13,318 --> 00:57:15,153 I have to let go, to hold on. 851 00:57:16,622 --> 00:57:18,957 [sniffles] 852 00:57:18,990 --> 00:57:19,691 My husband. 853 00:57:24,262 --> 00:57:27,065 [somber music] 854 00:57:30,969 --> 00:57:31,703 -My wife. 855 00:57:56,194 --> 00:57:57,563 [exhales] 856 00:58:02,568 --> 00:58:04,369 [envelope ripping] 857 00:58:25,724 --> 00:58:28,093 -"Treya..." 858 00:58:28,126 --> 00:58:29,060 [Ken] [voice-over] My dearest. 859 00:58:29,094 --> 00:58:32,397 -"My dearest, I am sorry." 860 00:58:32,430 --> 00:58:33,331 [Ken] [voice-over] I'm sorry. 861 00:58:35,266 --> 00:58:37,435 -"I've searched a thousand lifetimes 862 00:58:37,468 --> 00:58:44,442 "to find you, and I can't let you go, I won't. 863 00:58:44,475 --> 00:58:46,311 "Not now, not ever. 864 00:58:48,079 --> 00:58:51,482 "Not in this lifetime, or any other. 865 00:58:51,516 --> 00:58:54,285 "I love you with all of my soul. 866 00:58:54,319 --> 00:58:56,054 Please come back to me, my love..." 867 00:58:56,087 --> 00:58:58,156 [Ken] [voice-over] Please, come back to me. 868 00:58:58,189 --> 00:58:59,224 -My soul. 869 00:58:59,257 --> 00:59:00,291 [Ken] [voice-over] My soul. 870 00:59:03,128 --> 00:59:05,030 -"I'm coming to get you tomorrow." 871 00:59:05,063 --> 00:59:10,068 [sniffles] "You and me. Forever. 872 00:59:11,770 --> 00:59:13,138 It's all I know." 873 00:59:16,407 --> 00:59:17,843 It's all I'm gonna do. 874 00:59:19,344 --> 00:59:22,113 [***] 875 00:59:47,138 --> 00:59:48,239 [sniffles] 876 00:59:59,184 --> 01:00:01,887 [phone ringing] 877 01:00:10,461 --> 01:00:11,529 -Hello. 878 01:00:11,562 --> 01:00:13,231 [Edith] Hello, Mr. Wilber. 879 01:00:13,264 --> 01:00:14,332 -Yeah. 880 01:00:14,365 --> 01:00:15,566 [Edith] My name is Edith Zundel, 881 01:00:15,600 --> 01:00:17,402 from West Germany. 882 01:00:17,435 --> 01:00:20,105 I'm doing a book of interviews with avant-garde psychologists 883 01:00:20,138 --> 01:00:22,340 and I'd really like to interview you. 884 01:00:22,373 --> 01:00:25,243 -I appreciate that, Edith, but I-I don't do interviews. 885 01:00:25,276 --> 01:00:26,678 [Edith] I'm staying with Frances Vaughan 886 01:00:26,712 --> 01:00:29,547 and Roger Walsh. I've come a long way 887 01:00:29,580 --> 01:00:31,149 and would really like to talk with you. 888 01:00:31,182 --> 01:00:33,151 Please. -[chuckles] 889 01:00:33,184 --> 01:00:34,886 -Here's the thing, Edith. 890 01:00:34,920 --> 01:00:37,555 Most authors end up appearing as teachers 891 01:00:37,588 --> 01:00:40,258 when they do interviews, and it's just not me. 892 01:00:40,291 --> 01:00:42,460 [Edith] I can appreciate that, Mr. Wilber. 893 01:00:42,493 --> 01:00:45,897 I know you've only given four interviews in 15 years. 894 01:00:45,931 --> 01:00:48,366 Your synthesis of Eastern and Western psychologies 895 01:00:48,399 --> 01:00:50,702 has had a major impact. 896 01:00:50,736 --> 01:00:54,639 It would just be a few questions, as a scholar. 897 01:00:54,672 --> 01:00:57,542 All ten of your books have been hugely popular in Germany. 898 01:00:57,575 --> 01:00:59,677 I even have copies in Japanese. 899 01:00:59,711 --> 01:01:03,148 -Oh, the two peaceful countries. 900 01:01:03,181 --> 01:01:04,249 [Edith] Frances and Roger 901 01:01:04,282 --> 01:01:07,953 told me about Terry. I'm very sorry. 902 01:01:10,789 --> 01:01:12,891 -Okay, Edith, come on over this afternoon. 903 01:01:15,693 --> 01:01:18,463 [Treya] Babe! [excited fast breaths] 904 01:01:18,496 --> 01:01:21,166 My period returned. 905 01:01:21,199 --> 01:01:22,300 [Ken chuckles] 906 01:01:28,206 --> 01:01:30,508 Maybe I can have your child after all. 907 01:01:30,541 --> 01:01:31,476 -[whispers] Yes, baby. 908 01:01:32,978 --> 01:01:36,714 -I think Frances and Roger were right. 909 01:01:36,748 --> 01:01:41,853 It doesn't matter what we say as... much as how we say it. 910 01:01:41,887 --> 01:01:48,593 [Ken] Hm. Yeah. Please... clean the car. 911 01:01:48,626 --> 01:01:52,297 Clean the house, and... see me in the bedroom. 912 01:01:52,330 --> 01:01:53,598 -You can see more of me 913 01:01:53,631 --> 01:01:55,666 walking away to go garden, mister. 914 01:02:11,783 --> 01:02:12,984 -[whispering] Chris is the only one here 915 01:02:13,018 --> 01:02:15,821 who works like this. But she's vastly popular. 916 01:02:18,890 --> 01:02:21,392 -Bill has an inoperable brain tumor. 917 01:02:21,426 --> 01:02:23,862 I'm working on containing and shrinking it. 918 01:02:25,831 --> 01:02:27,632 -[whispering] Bill came here on a gurney 919 01:02:27,665 --> 01:02:30,401 from the hospital last week with two tumors 920 01:02:30,435 --> 01:02:31,669 which Chris shrank. 921 01:02:31,702 --> 01:02:32,904 But one grew back. 922 01:02:37,008 --> 01:02:39,410 I would love to meet Ken later. 923 01:02:39,444 --> 01:02:43,014 Up From Eden was incredible. I'm a fan. 924 01:02:44,749 --> 01:02:47,585 -Okay, Bill. Off you go. 925 01:02:47,618 --> 01:02:50,989 I feel the cold spot's gone. You're good for today. 926 01:02:51,022 --> 01:02:52,490 [Bill] Thanks. 927 01:02:52,523 --> 01:02:53,458 -Treya? 928 01:03:02,700 --> 01:03:06,872 Oh. Hm. Cool here. 929 01:03:08,874 --> 01:03:12,277 Make sure you tell me if you feel any really cold spots. 930 01:03:12,310 --> 01:03:14,379 -Cool there. 931 01:03:14,412 --> 01:03:15,981 -There's something going on in the pancreas. 932 01:03:16,014 --> 01:03:19,384 -Oh, I forgot to tell you, I have diabetes. 933 01:03:19,417 --> 01:03:21,786 -Cancer is caused by a virus... 934 01:03:21,819 --> 01:03:25,390 and that virus may still be here, hiding, 935 01:03:25,423 --> 01:03:28,927 even though medical doctors say it's gone. 936 01:03:28,960 --> 01:03:33,899 What I'm doing now is keeping it from moving. 937 01:03:33,932 --> 01:03:36,434 I had cancer when I was 23. 938 01:03:36,467 --> 01:03:39,704 It led me to all kinds of doctors and healers. 939 01:03:39,737 --> 01:03:42,673 I was arrested once for healing a child with leukemia. 940 01:03:42,707 --> 01:03:45,810 Can you imagine that? Like that's a crime. 941 01:03:45,843 --> 01:03:48,379 It is about raising vibrations. 942 01:03:48,413 --> 01:03:52,783 But it's also mathematical and totally teachable. 943 01:03:52,817 --> 01:03:55,853 My dream is to go into a Third World country 944 01:03:55,887 --> 01:03:58,456 and teach others how to heal. 945 01:03:58,489 --> 01:04:00,025 But that's not allowed in the US. 946 01:04:02,427 --> 01:04:03,828 -Hi, there. 947 01:04:05,363 --> 01:04:08,766 -Ken Wilber. It's a pleasure. 948 01:04:08,799 --> 01:04:10,801 -Pleasure. 949 01:04:10,835 --> 01:04:13,604 -Do you want to give it a go? It's perfect timing, 950 01:04:13,638 --> 01:04:16,607 and you'll both know the method for later. 951 01:04:16,641 --> 01:04:17,642 -Sounds great. 952 01:04:20,845 --> 01:04:22,380 We've been looking forward to meeting you, Chris. 953 01:04:28,153 --> 01:04:32,490 [Chris] Okay. Okay. 954 01:04:32,523 --> 01:04:33,724 [exhales] Okay. 955 01:04:36,861 --> 01:04:38,663 I feel no coldness anywhere. 956 01:04:40,098 --> 01:04:41,499 You? 957 01:04:41,532 --> 01:04:42,567 -Nope. 958 01:04:46,504 --> 01:04:48,873 -Very interesting. 959 01:04:48,906 --> 01:04:52,710 So, there are ten channels on each side of the brain. 960 01:04:52,743 --> 01:04:55,013 For most people, two or three sides are opened up. 961 01:04:55,046 --> 01:04:57,015 Four at the most. 962 01:04:57,048 --> 01:05:01,752 In my brain, all ten channels on both sides are open to ten. 963 01:05:01,786 --> 01:05:03,688 I mean, this kind of thing doesn't happen 964 01:05:03,721 --> 01:05:06,491 but every 2,000 years. 965 01:05:06,524 --> 01:05:09,560 The last person before me was the Buddha. 966 01:05:09,594 --> 01:05:13,164 But, Ken, you are open on one side of your brain to ten 967 01:05:13,198 --> 01:05:17,535 and the other side is seven. 968 01:05:19,537 --> 01:05:22,573 Oh, my goodness. [laughs] Holy crap. 969 01:05:22,607 --> 01:05:24,542 I really think that I can open the seven side 970 01:05:24,575 --> 01:05:27,912 all the way up. All the way. 971 01:05:27,945 --> 01:05:32,483 Okay, tell me if you smell anything strange. 972 01:05:32,517 --> 01:05:34,452 [Ken] Uh, I smell smoke. 973 01:05:34,485 --> 01:05:36,587 -Good. Good. 974 01:05:36,621 --> 01:05:38,623 -Now I smell mildew. 975 01:05:40,658 --> 01:05:43,728 -[exhales] Oh, man. 976 01:05:43,761 --> 01:05:44,829 [Ken chuckles] 977 01:05:44,862 --> 01:05:46,464 -Both sides are open up to ten. 978 01:05:46,497 --> 01:05:48,499 [Ken laughs] 979 01:05:48,533 --> 01:05:52,203 [Chris] I'm blown away. Wow. I mean, so much for the theory 980 01:05:52,237 --> 01:05:55,673 that this only happens to one person every 2,000 years. 981 01:05:55,706 --> 01:05:58,843 I can't believe it. It's amazing. 982 01:05:58,876 --> 01:06:00,645 [chuckles] Now there are two people 983 01:06:00,678 --> 01:06:02,147 right here in this room. 984 01:06:02,180 --> 01:06:03,448 [Ken] Oh, my god. 985 01:06:03,481 --> 01:06:07,052 [Chris] Right? [laughing] It's so crazy. 986 01:06:07,085 --> 01:06:09,020 [Ken and Chris laughing] 987 01:06:09,054 --> 01:06:12,057 [Roger] Cheers to that. 988 01:06:12,090 --> 01:06:13,491 [glasses clinking] 989 01:06:13,524 --> 01:06:15,560 [muted conversation] 990 01:06:15,593 --> 01:06:17,028 -To Terry's clean bill of health. 991 01:06:18,929 --> 01:06:21,166 Since a removed port-a-cath means 992 01:06:21,199 --> 01:06:26,037 they think the possibility of another occurrence is slim. 993 01:06:26,071 --> 01:06:30,141 Another tequila for everyone. -[Treya chuckles] 994 01:06:30,175 --> 01:06:31,776 -Trey. 995 01:06:31,809 --> 01:06:33,478 -Thank you. 996 01:06:33,511 --> 01:06:34,479 [glasses clinking] -Thank you. 997 01:06:34,512 --> 01:06:36,047 -Cheers! -[glasses clinking] 998 01:06:54,299 --> 01:06:56,801 [all] Happy birthday. 999 01:06:56,834 --> 01:06:57,902 [clapping] 1000 01:07:00,638 --> 01:07:01,839 [Sue] Oh, we love you. 1001 01:07:03,741 --> 01:07:05,009 [Treya] Thank you. 1002 01:07:08,045 --> 01:07:09,947 -Make a wish. You make a wish. 1003 01:07:12,650 --> 01:07:14,819 [Sue] Yeah. [clapping] 1004 01:07:22,727 --> 01:07:24,061 -"Important voice," I think it said. 1005 01:07:24,095 --> 01:07:25,763 -I know, it does. -Mm-hm. 1006 01:07:44,249 --> 01:07:47,618 [Treya] [into phone] Vicky! Uh-huh. 1007 01:07:49,086 --> 01:07:50,020 For CSC? 1008 01:07:51,656 --> 01:07:54,024 A 25,000-dollar grant! 1009 01:07:54,058 --> 01:07:58,729 Oh, Vicky. Oh, Vicky. Yes. Yes! 1010 01:07:58,763 --> 01:08:00,898 Okay, okay. 1011 01:08:00,931 --> 01:08:02,567 [phone pings] 1012 01:08:02,600 --> 01:08:03,634 All right. I'll call you back. 1013 01:08:03,668 --> 01:08:06,371 Bye. [sighs] Oh. 1014 01:08:22,820 --> 01:08:25,790 Eight hundred pages in a month and a half. 1015 01:08:25,823 --> 01:08:26,957 Ken Wilber. 1016 01:08:32,997 --> 01:08:34,765 -Must be the new house. 1017 01:08:34,799 --> 01:08:36,401 -Yeah, mister... must be. 1018 01:08:38,636 --> 01:08:41,172 -She had a bone scan three months ago? 1019 01:08:41,206 --> 01:08:44,975 [Ken] Yeah, it was clear. So just a high-density CAT scan 1020 01:08:45,009 --> 01:08:48,213 to see what might be causing the slight waviness in her eye. 1021 01:08:48,246 --> 01:08:49,380 -Great. 1022 01:08:51,216 --> 01:08:52,883 You can wait down the hall. -[Ken] All right. 1023 01:08:52,917 --> 01:08:55,886 [nurse] The doctor should be with you shortly. 1024 01:08:55,920 --> 01:08:58,823 [footsteps] 1025 01:09:07,232 --> 01:09:08,132 [doctor] Mr. Wilber? 1026 01:09:14,171 --> 01:09:17,141 It looks like there are two or three tumors in her brain. 1027 01:09:24,449 --> 01:09:25,916 One is very large... 1028 01:09:32,290 --> 01:09:33,824 perhaps three centimeters. 1029 01:09:37,462 --> 01:09:39,897 So we just scanned her lungs as well. 1030 01:09:44,068 --> 01:09:45,035 -Um. 1031 01:09:53,077 --> 01:09:56,714 -She has multiple tumors throughout both lungs... 1032 01:10:06,291 --> 01:10:07,725 possibly a dozen altogether. 1033 01:10:12,430 --> 01:10:15,099 I'm as shocked by this as you are. 1034 01:10:15,132 --> 01:10:16,734 I think the best thing to do 1035 01:10:16,767 --> 01:10:22,139 would be to tell her in my office tomorrow morning. Please. 1036 01:10:22,172 --> 01:10:23,741 [voice echoing] I think the best thing to do 1037 01:10:23,774 --> 01:10:28,413 would be to tell her in my office tomorrow morning. Please. 1038 01:10:28,446 --> 01:10:29,814 I want to have all the information 1039 01:10:29,847 --> 01:10:31,782 ready for her beforehand. 1040 01:10:36,987 --> 01:10:38,122 -Yeah. Right. Of course. 1041 01:10:47,832 --> 01:10:48,766 [book thuds] 1042 01:10:49,934 --> 01:10:52,002 ["Nicola" performed by Stuart Davis] 1043 01:10:52,036 --> 01:10:54,872 * We rattle a gateless gate 1044 01:11:00,210 --> 01:11:03,247 * And push against A weightless weight * 1045 01:11:09,320 --> 01:11:12,022 * Looking for A stateless state * 1046 01:11:12,056 --> 01:11:14,291 -I don't think it's anything. 1047 01:11:14,325 --> 01:11:15,860 I feel clear. 1048 01:11:15,893 --> 01:11:17,194 -* Nicola 1049 01:11:17,227 --> 01:11:19,129 -It's probably related to blood sugar. 1050 01:11:19,163 --> 01:11:22,467 -* Whatever love creates 1051 01:11:22,500 --> 01:11:24,335 -We're gonna have a great life together, babe. 1052 01:11:24,369 --> 01:11:26,103 You don't have to look so worried. 1053 01:11:26,136 --> 01:11:29,474 -Right. No. Of course. Definitely. 1054 01:11:29,507 --> 01:11:33,243 -* And all these twins 1055 01:11:33,277 --> 01:11:35,346 * With different faces - * With different faces 1056 01:11:37,515 --> 01:11:40,485 -* Fallen from the womb - * Fallen from the womb 1057 01:11:42,152 --> 01:11:46,223 -* Risen from the tomb - * Risen from the tomb 1058 01:11:46,256 --> 01:11:49,159 -* Carried in perfume - * Carried in perfume 1059 01:11:51,562 --> 01:11:53,498 -* Nicola - * Nicola 1060 01:11:59,570 --> 01:12:02,473 [Ken coughs and pukes] 1061 01:12:11,248 --> 01:12:14,351 -* All the ones alive today 1062 01:12:14,385 --> 01:12:18,856 [Treya] No. No! No, no, no. 1063 01:12:18,889 --> 01:12:21,459 I don't give a fuck! Damn it, damn it! 1064 01:12:21,492 --> 01:12:24,995 -* Are the ones That passed away * 1065 01:12:25,029 --> 01:12:28,966 -No! It's not fair! It's not fucking fair! 1066 01:12:28,999 --> 01:12:32,102 -* Are the ones on the way 1067 01:12:32,136 --> 01:12:36,407 [crying] And I could see it written on your face. 1068 01:12:36,441 --> 01:12:40,044 -* Nicola -No! Please! 1069 01:12:40,077 --> 01:12:42,980 No! No! [sobbing] 1070 01:12:51,388 --> 01:12:54,158 I don't understand. 1071 01:12:54,191 --> 01:12:56,494 I don't understand. 1072 01:12:58,663 --> 01:13:01,966 Please. Please. Please. 1073 01:13:01,999 --> 01:13:05,069 Please, No, No, No, No 1074 01:13:10,374 --> 01:13:13,343 But I want to have your baby. 1075 01:13:13,377 --> 01:13:17,081 Your-- [sniffles] that's all. 1076 01:13:17,114 --> 01:13:19,917 Please, please, please. 1077 01:13:23,954 --> 01:13:24,922 No. 1078 01:13:28,493 --> 01:13:31,395 [cries loudly] 1079 01:13:33,097 --> 01:13:37,568 [Ken] However you wanna do it... whatever you want. 1080 01:13:37,602 --> 01:13:40,404 [Treya breathing rapidly, crying bitterly] 1081 01:13:51,448 --> 01:13:52,950 [both] Janker Klinik. 1082 01:13:55,185 --> 01:13:56,921 -Is that your choice? 1083 01:13:56,954 --> 01:14:00,525 Short-term, high-dose. Germany. 1084 01:14:00,558 --> 01:14:02,292 -So aggressive people 1085 01:14:02,326 --> 01:14:06,263 sometimes have to be put on life support. 1086 01:14:06,296 --> 01:14:12,102 But Bob Marley, Yul Brynner, 70 percent remission rate. 1087 01:14:18,342 --> 01:14:22,379 I want to go. I want to try this. 1088 01:14:22,412 --> 01:14:23,313 [Ken chuckles] 1089 01:14:26,083 --> 01:14:28,986 [gentle piano notes] 1090 01:14:46,370 --> 01:14:48,138 -Would you recommend this particular treatment 1091 01:14:48,172 --> 01:14:50,307 for your wife? 1092 01:14:50,340 --> 01:14:52,610 -[chuckles] Never ask a doctor 1093 01:14:52,643 --> 01:14:55,646 if he recommends the treatment for his wife. 1094 01:14:55,680 --> 01:14:58,583 You don't know how they get along! 1095 01:14:58,616 --> 01:15:01,218 No, you best ask, 1096 01:15:01,251 --> 01:15:04,555 would he recommend this for his daughter. 1097 01:15:06,657 --> 01:15:08,726 -Well, for your daughter? 1098 01:15:08,759 --> 01:15:13,564 -[chuckles] We do not do long-term treatments, 1099 01:15:13,598 --> 01:15:16,333 as is common in America. 1100 01:15:16,366 --> 01:15:22,607 Now we-we find that it lowers the quality of life. 1101 01:15:22,640 --> 01:15:24,742 We must always remember that-- 1102 01:15:24,775 --> 01:15:31,448 that surrounding this tumor is a human being. 1103 01:15:31,481 --> 01:15:35,219 And also-- it also damages the soul. 1104 01:15:35,252 --> 01:15:39,156 This is high-dose, short-term. We knock it out. 1105 01:15:39,189 --> 01:15:41,792 Your white blood cell count will drop. 1106 01:15:41,826 --> 01:15:44,261 And then they will rise again to 1,500. 1107 01:15:44,294 --> 01:15:46,330 And then you can leave the hospital at 1108 01:15:46,363 --> 01:15:49,566 [chuckles] at 1,800. You can take a trip. 1109 01:15:49,600 --> 01:15:54,371 And when it's back up to 2,500, we can begin the next treatment. 1110 01:15:55,640 --> 01:15:58,542 [footsteps] 1111 01:16:00,811 --> 01:16:03,247 [coin clanks] 1112 01:16:03,280 --> 01:16:05,616 [Bob Doty] It's two Kolsch for five marks. 1113 01:16:05,650 --> 01:16:07,652 [beer bottle thuds] 1114 01:16:10,454 --> 01:16:11,856 Dr. Scheef installed it. 1115 01:16:13,858 --> 01:16:17,094 He drinks 10 or 15 a day. 1116 01:16:17,127 --> 01:16:19,329 -Really. Hmm. 1117 01:16:20,865 --> 01:16:23,233 -He says it's the only alcohol that puts more into your system 1118 01:16:23,267 --> 01:16:26,236 than it takes out. 1119 01:16:26,270 --> 01:16:28,105 -Really? -Hm. 1120 01:16:28,138 --> 01:16:29,674 Dr. Scheef told me about your books. 1121 01:16:29,707 --> 01:16:31,608 He says you're famous. 1122 01:16:31,642 --> 01:16:34,378 -Really? 1123 01:16:34,411 --> 01:16:37,247 -You know, he's amazing. 1124 01:16:37,281 --> 01:16:41,485 There was a German woman, severe ovarian cancer. 1125 01:16:41,518 --> 01:16:44,321 She wanted to go visit her son in LA, 1126 01:16:44,354 --> 01:16:46,223 but she didn't have money nor a visa. 1127 01:16:46,256 --> 01:16:48,425 And I heard Scheef, he surprised her with both 1128 01:16:48,458 --> 01:16:51,195 for a gift for finishing treatment. 1129 01:16:51,228 --> 01:16:53,330 -Really? 1130 01:16:53,363 --> 01:16:54,398 -Really. 1131 01:16:58,435 --> 01:17:00,838 [chuckles] 1132 01:17:00,871 --> 01:17:03,140 [Ken chuckles] 1133 01:17:13,417 --> 01:17:14,719 [Ken] [voice-over] Treya was running the risk 1134 01:17:14,752 --> 01:17:18,155 of catching pneumonia, though she went from 103.6 1135 01:17:18,188 --> 01:17:20,758 to just under a hundred this morning. 1136 01:17:20,791 --> 01:17:22,827 And Dr. Scheef thinks the radiation and sulfamide 1137 01:17:22,860 --> 01:17:25,295 are helping. So... 1138 01:17:25,329 --> 01:17:27,531 looks like we're starting a specialized chemo treatment 1139 01:17:27,564 --> 01:17:30,300 on Monday. 1140 01:17:30,334 --> 01:17:33,670 Treya, still amazing at every turn. 1141 01:17:41,578 --> 01:17:45,382 -Okay. I think I'm ready for lunch. 1142 01:17:45,415 --> 01:17:47,517 [Treya] [voice-over] Dear loved ones, 1143 01:17:47,551 --> 01:17:50,454 I can't thank you enough for your letters and calls. 1144 01:17:52,790 --> 01:17:57,461 It feels wonderful, like floating in a caressing ocean. 1145 01:17:57,494 --> 01:17:58,528 [Roger] [voice-over] And Ken has been the best 1146 01:17:58,562 --> 01:18:01,298 support person. It's unappreciated, 1147 01:18:01,331 --> 01:18:03,901 and yet he's vibrant, with dedication and humor. 1148 01:18:03,934 --> 01:18:05,602 He's half of my soul. 1149 01:18:05,635 --> 01:18:06,904 [Treya] [voice-over] God, I love this man. 1150 01:18:09,206 --> 01:18:11,876 He holds my hand, makes me laugh, 1151 01:18:11,909 --> 01:18:15,813 runs errands, picks out fresh vegetables. 1152 01:18:18,816 --> 01:18:21,385 Kati was just here for ten days. 1153 01:18:21,418 --> 01:18:22,887 -Wow, she's an amazing listener. 1154 01:18:22,920 --> 01:18:26,323 [Treya] [voice-over] Mom and Dad have been so supportive. 1155 01:18:26,356 --> 01:18:29,226 And Ken's parents who are so loving, 1156 01:18:29,259 --> 01:18:32,462 my friends in Colorado, at the CSC, 1157 01:18:32,496 --> 01:18:36,733 my Findhorn friends... and my sweet Vicky. 1158 01:18:36,767 --> 01:18:40,771 -And I have complete faith in Herr Dr. Professor Scheef 1159 01:18:40,805 --> 01:18:43,908 who runs the Janker Klinik. 1160 01:18:43,941 --> 01:18:45,575 The drug he's using, which he developed, 1161 01:18:45,609 --> 01:18:46,977 only just got approved in the US 1162 01:18:47,011 --> 01:18:49,413 because it's so potent. 1163 01:18:49,446 --> 01:18:52,649 I can't say how much easier it is though. 1164 01:18:52,682 --> 01:18:53,984 -I've moved through a lot. 1165 01:18:54,018 --> 01:18:55,719 From intense anger and crying, 1166 01:18:55,752 --> 01:18:59,723 to thoughts of death and fears of what pain may come. 1167 01:18:59,756 --> 01:19:02,592 -Then to thoughts of all those suffering on this planet, 1168 01:19:02,626 --> 01:19:04,829 and then I feel a wave of calmness. 1169 01:19:04,862 --> 01:19:07,264 A feeling of not being alone in it, 1170 01:19:07,297 --> 01:19:09,699 and some sort of greater connection. 1171 01:19:11,301 --> 01:19:13,838 -I read an article in the New York Times yesterday 1172 01:19:13,871 --> 01:19:16,473 on a study by Dr. Sandra Levy. 1173 01:19:16,506 --> 01:19:19,476 She found that for the survival rate of women 1174 01:19:19,509 --> 01:19:21,846 who had had advanced breast cancer, 1175 01:19:21,879 --> 01:19:25,682 the only psychological factor that seemed to matter 1176 01:19:25,715 --> 01:19:28,518 was sense of joy in life. 1177 01:19:31,455 --> 01:19:36,293 That first noble truth: there is suffering in the world. 1178 01:19:36,326 --> 01:19:37,794 To take part in it 1179 01:19:37,828 --> 01:19:40,530 feels like I'm engaged on a special journey, 1180 01:19:40,564 --> 01:19:43,800 only taken up by those who can handle it. 1181 01:19:43,834 --> 01:19:47,637 I call it passionate equanimity. 1182 01:19:47,671 --> 01:19:52,609 I do all I can, but without attachment to the results. 1183 01:19:52,642 --> 01:19:54,444 Just for the love of it. 1184 01:19:54,478 --> 01:19:55,445 [Treya] [voice-over] Just for the love of it. 1185 01:19:55,479 --> 01:19:56,813 -The love of life. 1186 01:19:56,847 --> 01:19:57,948 [Treya] [voice-over] The love of life. 1187 01:20:03,420 --> 01:20:07,057 -Hey, Norbert. Yeah, I'm up in the room. 1188 01:20:07,091 --> 01:20:09,759 Am I missing any action at the front desk? 1189 01:20:09,793 --> 01:20:13,430 No, no, um, maybe just some towels. 1190 01:20:13,463 --> 01:20:15,599 Yeah, she's recovering from the second. 1191 01:20:15,632 --> 01:20:16,733 It's a lung infection, 1192 01:20:16,766 --> 01:20:19,436 so I've had to stay away while her counts are low. 1193 01:20:19,469 --> 01:20:20,670 Mm-hm. 1194 01:20:20,704 --> 01:20:22,072 Yeah, I'm journaling, you know her. 1195 01:20:24,041 --> 01:20:27,777 Yeah, I can't believe it. It's almost four months. 1196 01:20:27,811 --> 01:20:29,679 Listen, uh, I'm going to go out for a while, 1197 01:20:29,713 --> 01:20:34,351 in case she calls. I just, I just need to get some air. 1198 01:20:34,384 --> 01:20:35,685 Yeah, thanks. 1199 01:20:48,798 --> 01:20:49,733 -Ken! 1200 01:20:55,639 --> 01:20:59,776 No more drinking for you. You have to be strong. 1201 01:20:59,809 --> 01:21:00,911 [Ken] I don't want to be strong, Norbert. 1202 01:21:03,080 --> 01:21:05,482 I want to be weak and spineless for a while. 1203 01:21:06,850 --> 01:21:08,618 [Norbert] Ken. 1204 01:21:08,652 --> 01:21:09,553 -Suits me better. 1205 01:21:10,854 --> 01:21:11,821 [Norbert] Ken. 1206 01:21:11,855 --> 01:21:13,490 [door pulled shut] 1207 01:21:21,665 --> 01:21:24,101 [Ken] [voice-over] Men and women were once whole, 1208 01:21:24,134 --> 01:21:25,735 but were torn in two. 1209 01:21:25,769 --> 01:21:28,405 Men and women were once whole but were torn in two, 1210 01:21:28,438 --> 01:21:31,441 and the pursuit and desire of that whole. 1211 01:21:31,475 --> 01:21:33,877 And the pursuit and desire of that whole is called love. 1212 01:21:33,910 --> 01:21:35,679 [echoes] Is called love. 1213 01:22:14,218 --> 01:22:17,121 [sobbing bitterly] 1214 01:22:35,839 --> 01:22:38,708 [song playing in background] 1215 01:24:43,267 --> 01:24:47,637 [Ken] I think I had a dream. I was looking for you. 1216 01:24:47,671 --> 01:24:51,007 There was a mountain. 1217 01:24:51,040 --> 01:24:54,778 And an ocean. 1218 01:24:54,811 --> 01:24:57,314 And millions of stars. 1219 01:25:01,885 --> 01:25:03,019 Where were you? 1220 01:25:07,023 --> 01:25:09,726 [Treya] Here. 1221 01:25:09,759 --> 01:25:11,895 And am I ever glad you're here too. 1222 01:25:14,331 --> 01:25:17,234 You always promised you'd find me, you know. 1223 01:25:22,005 --> 01:25:25,242 [Ken] Maybe we're in each other's dream. 1224 01:25:25,275 --> 01:25:26,410 [whispers] Is that possible? 1225 01:25:31,281 --> 01:25:32,316 [Treya] Give me your hand. 1226 01:25:45,128 --> 01:25:47,697 -[reading] "Sam, I'm only updating you because you said 1227 01:25:47,731 --> 01:25:50,267 "otherwise you wouldn't publish my next book 1228 01:25:50,300 --> 01:25:52,902 in the event I ever write one." 1229 01:25:52,936 --> 01:25:53,970 [Ken] [voice-over] We've tried all the treatments 1230 01:25:54,003 --> 01:25:56,072 sane men have come up with. 1231 01:25:56,105 --> 01:25:58,875 None of them have worked, so we've settled on 1232 01:25:58,908 --> 01:26:01,345 the Kelly/Gonzales enzyme program. 1233 01:26:01,378 --> 01:26:04,047 Gonzales runs it now. He says Kelly went bonkers, 1234 01:26:04,080 --> 01:26:07,951 that he's out there talking to little men from other planets. 1235 01:26:07,984 --> 01:26:11,221 Somehow Treya and I found that strangely reassuring. 1236 01:26:11,255 --> 01:26:13,122 The studies are actually amazing. 1237 01:26:13,156 --> 01:26:14,724 The five-year survival rate 1238 01:26:14,758 --> 01:26:16,960 for Treya's general type of metastatic breast cancer 1239 01:26:16,993 --> 01:26:18,995 is exactly zero percent. 1240 01:26:19,028 --> 01:26:20,997 But in Gonzales' study, there are already three 1241 01:26:21,030 --> 01:26:24,768 five-year plus survivors, even one over 17 years. 1242 01:26:24,801 --> 01:26:27,804 So, it's no fly-by-night clinic, 1243 01:26:27,837 --> 01:26:31,675 though we would try those too if we thought it would help. 1244 01:26:31,708 --> 01:26:33,243 Gonzales uses blood analysis 1245 01:26:33,277 --> 01:26:36,280 to indicate the extent of tumor activity, 1246 01:26:36,313 --> 01:26:39,283 and before we told him, he nailed all the same facts 1247 01:26:39,316 --> 01:26:42,118 informed of through conventional medicine. 1248 01:26:42,151 --> 01:26:44,688 His test measures tumor activity in the body 1249 01:26:44,721 --> 01:26:48,124 from zero to 50, with 45 being incurable. 1250 01:26:48,157 --> 01:26:51,295 Treya scored a 38. 1251 01:26:51,328 --> 01:26:54,264 The disconcerting thing is that when it's working, 1252 01:26:54,298 --> 01:26:57,467 when tumors are being dissolved, they flare up. 1253 01:26:57,501 --> 01:27:00,937 So, Gonzales' tests showing that Treya is getting better 1254 01:27:00,970 --> 01:27:02,806 is interpreted by the conventional doctors 1255 01:27:02,839 --> 01:27:06,042 that Treya is dying. 1256 01:27:06,075 --> 01:27:09,746 And Treya, of course, handles this like a champion. 1257 01:27:12,215 --> 01:27:14,284 And Hazel'll be happy to know, if I don't write another book, 1258 01:27:14,318 --> 01:27:16,920 I'll be able to make it as a care person, 1259 01:27:16,953 --> 01:27:18,422 or at least a maid. 1260 01:27:20,357 --> 01:27:24,361 Like a couple of kids, somehow, we're having a ball with it. 1261 01:27:27,797 --> 01:27:29,232 [Dr. John] [over phone] An average CEA, 1262 01:27:29,265 --> 01:27:31,968 which indicates the amount of active cancer in your body, 1263 01:27:32,001 --> 01:27:33,870 measures zero to five. 1264 01:27:33,903 --> 01:27:36,840 Yours was 7.7 in January. 1265 01:27:36,873 --> 01:27:39,376 After your first treatment in Germany, it was 13, 1266 01:27:39,409 --> 01:27:42,346 then 16.7 when you got home. 1267 01:27:42,379 --> 01:27:45,048 This read is at 21. 1268 01:27:45,081 --> 01:27:49,185 Now, Treya, I'm telling you that what we're seeing here is real. 1269 01:27:49,218 --> 01:27:51,921 I strongly recommend starting an immediate high-dose chemo 1270 01:27:51,955 --> 01:27:53,823 followed by a bone marrow transplant. 1271 01:27:53,857 --> 01:27:55,158 [Treya] Thank you. [sighs] 1272 01:27:55,191 --> 01:27:57,494 We're gonna talk it over and we'll let you know. 1273 01:27:57,527 --> 01:27:58,428 [Dr. John] [over phone] Okay. 1274 01:28:02,866 --> 01:28:05,802 [paper rustling] 1275 01:28:07,371 --> 01:28:10,273 [phone dial beeping] 1276 01:28:12,342 --> 01:28:15,244 [phone ringing] 1277 01:28:15,278 --> 01:28:16,913 [Lisa] [over phone] Dr. Gonzales' office. 1278 01:28:16,946 --> 01:28:19,516 [Treya] Hi Lisa. It's Treya for Dr. Gonzales. 1279 01:28:19,549 --> 01:28:21,851 [Lisa] [over phone] Oh hi, Treya, one moment. 1280 01:28:21,885 --> 01:28:22,886 [Treya] Thank you. 1281 01:28:24,854 --> 01:28:27,491 [Dr. Gonzales] [over phone] Hey guys, great news. 1282 01:28:27,524 --> 01:28:30,794 Your score dropped from 38 to 33, 1283 01:28:30,827 --> 01:28:32,496 the biggest drop I've ever seen 1284 01:28:32,529 --> 01:28:34,798 in only one month on the program. 1285 01:28:34,831 --> 01:28:36,900 Now, some of that drop may be due to 1286 01:28:36,933 --> 01:28:39,002 the anti-estrogens you're taking, 1287 01:28:39,035 --> 01:28:42,372 but I think this is definitely gonna work. 1288 01:28:42,406 --> 01:28:43,840 [John Denver] [singing] * Nicola 1289 01:28:43,873 --> 01:28:45,308 [crowd applauds] 1290 01:28:45,341 --> 01:28:48,244 [John Denver] [singing] * Whatever love will make 1291 01:28:50,179 --> 01:28:54,984 * Love erases 1292 01:28:55,018 --> 01:28:59,022 * And all these twins 1293 01:28:59,055 --> 01:29:03,126 * With different faces 1294 01:29:03,159 --> 01:29:07,564 * Fallen from the womb 1295 01:29:07,597 --> 01:29:12,035 * Risen from the tomb 1296 01:29:12,068 --> 01:29:15,038 * Carried in perfume 1297 01:29:17,040 --> 01:29:19,275 * Nicola 1298 01:29:23,012 --> 01:29:25,915 [crowd applauds] 1299 01:29:29,586 --> 01:29:31,254 [John Denver] Thank you. 1300 01:29:31,287 --> 01:29:34,390 I have one more for you called "I Want To Live," 1301 01:29:34,424 --> 01:29:37,393 but first I'd like to introduce a dear friend of mine 1302 01:29:37,427 --> 01:29:39,328 who's going to share a few words. 1303 01:29:39,362 --> 01:29:41,130 Treya Wilber. 1304 01:29:41,164 --> 01:29:44,067 [crowd applauds] 1305 01:29:47,537 --> 01:29:48,638 [Treya] Thank you. 1306 01:29:48,672 --> 01:29:49,573 [John Denver] Yeah. 1307 01:30:02,452 --> 01:30:07,056 -Hello. My name is Treya Killam Wilber. 1308 01:30:07,090 --> 01:30:10,393 Many of you here have known me as Terry. 1309 01:30:10,426 --> 01:30:13,096 I've been involved with Windstar from the early days. 1310 01:30:15,231 --> 01:30:19,102 Five years ago, in August of '83, 1311 01:30:19,135 --> 01:30:23,039 I met and totally fell in love with Ken Wilber. 1312 01:30:23,072 --> 01:30:26,476 I always used to call it love at first touch. 1313 01:30:26,510 --> 01:30:28,311 We were married. 1314 01:30:28,344 --> 01:30:30,614 And then, ten days after our wedding, 1315 01:30:30,647 --> 01:30:33,650 I was diagnosed with stage two breast cancer. 1316 01:30:35,652 --> 01:30:37,721 We spent our honeymoon in the hospital. 1317 01:30:39,623 --> 01:30:43,092 Since then, I've had two recurrences, 1318 01:30:43,126 --> 01:30:45,161 and many types of treatment, 1319 01:30:45,194 --> 01:30:47,463 both conventional and alternative. 1320 01:30:49,198 --> 01:30:51,701 But in January of this year, 1321 01:30:51,735 --> 01:30:55,471 we discovered the cancer had metastasized, 1322 01:30:55,505 --> 01:30:58,542 that it had spread to my brain and to my lungs. 1323 01:31:01,044 --> 01:31:03,713 So, when Tommy asked me to speak at this event, 1324 01:31:03,747 --> 01:31:08,384 I thought, well, perhaps I can look at 1325 01:31:08,417 --> 01:31:12,522 what I've done with my life since the diagnosis. 1326 01:31:12,556 --> 01:31:14,423 I co-founded the Cancer Support Community 1327 01:31:14,457 --> 01:31:17,026 in San Francisco. 1328 01:31:17,060 --> 01:31:18,528 I've written as honestly as I can 1329 01:31:18,562 --> 01:31:20,396 about my inner explorations 1330 01:31:20,429 --> 01:31:24,300 in a way that many tell me they've found helpful. 1331 01:31:24,333 --> 01:31:26,435 And I plan to publish a book. 1332 01:31:26,469 --> 01:31:28,772 Maybe my letters to many of you will be in it. 1333 01:31:31,040 --> 01:31:35,612 But then I realized, oh, I'd fallen into a familiar trap. 1334 01:31:35,645 --> 01:31:40,049 I'm equating success with achievement. 1335 01:31:40,083 --> 01:31:45,021 Learning to make friends with perhaps painful death 1336 01:31:45,054 --> 01:31:46,289 has taught me a great deal 1337 01:31:46,322 --> 01:31:50,760 about making friends with myself as I am, 1338 01:31:50,794 --> 01:31:54,731 and a great deal about making friends with life as it is. 1339 01:31:57,400 --> 01:31:59,335 There's an old saying, 1340 01:31:59,368 --> 01:32:03,472 it's popular among people with cancer that goes... 1341 01:32:03,506 --> 01:32:05,609 "Life is terminal." [chuckles] 1342 01:32:05,642 --> 01:32:09,045 I'm lucky because I've been given advanced warning 1343 01:32:09,078 --> 01:32:12,115 and the time to act on that warning. 1344 01:32:12,148 --> 01:32:15,619 [inhales deeply] Because I can no longer ignore death, 1345 01:32:15,652 --> 01:32:18,521 I pay more attention to life. 1346 01:32:18,554 --> 01:32:21,424 [crowd applauds and cheers] 1347 01:32:38,374 --> 01:32:41,277 [***] 1348 01:33:07,203 --> 01:33:09,338 -Yes, it's true that if the enzymes 1349 01:33:09,372 --> 01:33:11,607 Gonzales has you on were breaking the tumors down, 1350 01:33:11,641 --> 01:33:12,742 they would swell, 1351 01:33:12,776 --> 01:33:15,645 and a CAT scan wouldn't differentiate that. 1352 01:33:15,679 --> 01:33:18,381 But you have an average tumor growth rate 1353 01:33:18,414 --> 01:33:21,384 of over 30 percent in a short period of time. 1354 01:33:21,417 --> 01:33:23,720 And because of the growth of the large brain tumor 1355 01:33:23,753 --> 01:33:25,354 and the swelling of the right brain, 1356 01:33:25,388 --> 01:33:26,823 it's pushed the left side of your brain 1357 01:33:26,856 --> 01:33:28,758 just a bit out of place. 1358 01:33:28,792 --> 01:33:31,160 So this is what accounts for some of your symptoms, 1359 01:33:31,194 --> 01:33:35,699 the headaches, the fullness, disorientation. 1360 01:33:35,732 --> 01:33:38,134 -That's why the pain in the back of my eyes 1361 01:33:38,167 --> 01:33:41,304 goes away when I sleep with my head raised. 1362 01:33:41,337 --> 01:33:46,342 -Yes. Now, look. 1363 01:33:46,375 --> 01:33:49,178 I am familiar with Gonzalez's program 1364 01:33:49,212 --> 01:33:50,513 and I don't mean to alarm you, 1365 01:33:50,546 --> 01:33:52,615 but I do want you to hear it straight. 1366 01:33:52,648 --> 01:33:54,217 Despite what his radiologist says, 1367 01:33:54,250 --> 01:33:56,185 this is not an inflammatory reaction 1368 01:33:56,219 --> 01:33:57,821 brought on by tumor necrosis. 1369 01:33:57,854 --> 01:34:00,589 -If your understanding of this is accurate, though, 1370 01:34:00,623 --> 01:34:03,559 chemo doesn't offer a solution either, correct? 1371 01:34:07,163 --> 01:34:08,431 -Likely not. 1372 01:34:08,464 --> 01:34:11,334 Though there are other drugs you can try with it. 1373 01:34:11,367 --> 01:34:14,938 -I'm not afraid of dying, but I am afraid of pain. 1374 01:34:18,341 --> 01:34:19,909 -Let me assure you, we can handle that. 1375 01:34:21,644 --> 01:34:23,246 I promise you that won't happen. 1376 01:34:26,249 --> 01:34:28,718 [Treya breathes deeply] 1377 01:34:30,253 --> 01:34:32,789 -Otherwise, you okay? 1378 01:34:34,824 --> 01:34:35,859 -Yes. 1379 01:34:39,562 --> 01:34:42,231 When I die, I'll just dissolve back. 1380 01:34:43,566 --> 01:34:45,268 That's not frightening. 1381 01:34:48,271 --> 01:34:50,406 -You know, I have never had a patient like you. 1382 01:34:52,508 --> 01:34:53,676 May I tell you that? 1383 01:34:59,916 --> 01:35:01,217 -Thank you. 1384 01:35:02,318 --> 01:35:05,354 [thunder rumbling] 1385 01:35:09,759 --> 01:35:12,661 [somber music] 1386 01:35:38,354 --> 01:35:41,257 [thunder rumbling] 1387 01:35:45,561 --> 01:35:46,562 -Hi, babe. 1388 01:35:49,933 --> 01:35:51,267 -Hey, lover. 1389 01:35:53,269 --> 01:35:55,371 I was looking for you in my dream. 1390 01:36:01,777 --> 01:36:03,712 -I was looking for you in this house. 1391 01:36:03,746 --> 01:36:05,048 [Treya chuckles] 1392 01:36:06,382 --> 01:36:07,716 -I was dreaming about you too. 1393 01:36:07,750 --> 01:36:10,653 [thunder rumbling] 1394 01:36:14,891 --> 01:36:17,593 -I can barely feel it, 1395 01:36:17,626 --> 01:36:19,062 but it's cold, huh? 1396 01:36:20,629 --> 01:36:22,798 [Ken] Does this answer that? 1397 01:36:22,832 --> 01:36:25,768 [Treya chuckles] 1398 01:36:25,801 --> 01:36:27,736 -Let's get back to bed. 1399 01:36:31,507 --> 01:36:35,578 [breathing deeply] 1400 01:36:35,611 --> 01:36:37,480 Can you carry me? 1401 01:36:40,483 --> 01:36:41,484 -Of course. 1402 01:36:44,753 --> 01:36:47,656 [thunder rumbling] 1403 01:36:57,666 --> 01:37:01,670 [Ken] [voice-over] "Moreover, much as you may wander, 1404 01:37:01,704 --> 01:37:04,573 "you must return ultimately to the Self, 1405 01:37:12,048 --> 01:37:15,351 "so why not abide in the Self here and now. 1406 01:37:18,054 --> 01:37:20,789 Grace is there all along." 1407 01:37:22,959 --> 01:37:25,895 [***] 1408 01:37:27,663 --> 01:37:28,797 [Treya] I'm going. 1409 01:37:36,940 --> 01:37:38,107 -Okay. 1410 01:37:49,652 --> 01:37:54,690 -Wait. Wait. Sweetheart... 1411 01:37:58,561 --> 01:38:00,663 I want to write something in my journal. 1412 01:38:00,696 --> 01:38:03,566 [breathing rapidly] 1413 01:38:46,675 --> 01:38:47,810 Do you understand? 1414 01:38:50,913 --> 01:38:51,981 -I think so. 1415 01:38:58,787 --> 01:38:59,989 Come on, gorgeous. 1416 01:39:02,525 --> 01:39:04,193 Let me take my girl to our room. 1417 01:39:28,551 --> 01:39:31,220 [Treya breathing deeply] 1418 01:39:42,165 --> 01:39:46,802 -I'm going. I can't believe it. 1419 01:39:48,071 --> 01:39:49,705 I'm going. 1420 01:39:52,875 --> 01:39:59,815 I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. 1421 01:39:59,848 --> 01:40:02,685 I'm so happy. I'm so happy. 1422 01:40:02,718 --> 01:40:05,621 [breathing deeply] 1423 01:40:10,059 --> 01:40:12,027 But I don't want to leave you. 1424 01:40:12,061 --> 01:40:15,531 [cries] 1425 01:40:15,564 --> 01:40:16,899 I love you so much. 1426 01:40:18,267 --> 01:40:21,704 I can't leave you. 1427 01:40:21,737 --> 01:40:23,606 [crying] I love you so much. 1428 01:40:23,639 --> 01:40:26,075 [crying] 1429 01:40:26,109 --> 01:40:27,810 [Ken] Honey. 1430 01:40:31,580 --> 01:40:33,116 -I love you so much. 1431 01:40:34,650 --> 01:40:40,523 -Honey, if it's time to go, then it's time to go. 1432 01:40:40,556 --> 01:40:44,660 Don't worry, I'll find you. 1433 01:40:45,861 --> 01:40:47,730 I found you before. 1434 01:40:49,064 --> 01:40:52,201 I promise I'll find you again. 1435 01:40:54,803 --> 01:40:56,572 -You promise you'll find me? 1436 01:40:58,607 --> 01:41:00,109 -I promise. 1437 01:41:12,155 --> 01:41:14,056 I promise. 1438 01:41:25,201 --> 01:41:27,303 -Forever and forever? 1439 01:41:27,336 --> 01:41:29,705 -Forever and forever. 1440 01:41:38,247 --> 01:41:39,915 -Then I can go. 1441 01:41:42,318 --> 01:41:44,187 I can't believe it. 1442 01:41:45,288 --> 01:41:46,722 I'm so happy. 1443 01:41:47,823 --> 01:41:50,626 [breathing deeply] 1444 01:41:54,397 --> 01:41:58,667 This has been so much harder than I thought. 1445 01:41:58,701 --> 01:42:01,637 [crying] 1446 01:42:03,239 --> 01:42:06,875 It's been so hard. 1447 01:42:06,909 --> 01:42:09,111 Oh honey, it's been so hard. 1448 01:42:12,281 --> 01:42:16,985 -I know, sweetheart. I know. 1449 01:42:17,019 --> 01:42:19,922 [Treya breathing deeply] 1450 01:42:24,193 --> 01:42:25,861 -You promise you'll be there? 1451 01:42:28,397 --> 01:42:33,001 -I promise you I'll be there. 1452 01:42:38,741 --> 01:42:41,677 [cries] 1453 01:42:53,789 --> 01:42:56,124 -You're the greatest man I've ever known. 1454 01:42:58,861 --> 01:43:00,128 My champion. 1455 01:43:02,731 --> 01:43:04,300 My champion. 1456 01:43:20,816 --> 01:43:22,217 [Ken] [whispers] I'll find you. 1457 01:43:24,887 --> 01:43:27,790 [breathing deeply] 1458 01:43:39,268 --> 01:43:41,870 [sniffles] You're the only... 1459 01:43:49,111 --> 01:43:52,247 I'll find you, honey. [sniffles] 1460 01:43:55,017 --> 01:43:56,885 I will... 1461 01:44:29,051 --> 01:44:31,554 [crying] 1462 01:45:06,254 --> 01:45:09,157 [somber music] 1463 01:45:37,052 --> 01:45:39,988 [***] 1464 01:45:41,890 --> 01:45:42,958 [Treya] [voice-over] You promise? 1465 01:45:46,862 --> 01:45:48,063 [Ken] [voice-over] I promise. 1466 01:46:03,311 --> 01:46:06,214 [***] 1467 01:46:11,053 --> 01:46:13,221 -My name is Treya Killam Wilber. 1468 01:46:13,255 --> 01:46:15,357 A lot of you've known me in the past as Terry. 1469 01:46:15,390 --> 01:46:17,159 I've been involved with Windstar from the early days. 1470 01:46:19,595 --> 01:46:22,965 Five years ago this same month, in August of '83, 1471 01:46:22,998 --> 01:46:26,134 I met and totally fell in love with Ken Wilber. 1472 01:46:26,168 --> 01:46:29,237 I always called it love at first touch. 1473 01:46:29,271 --> 01:46:31,974 We were married less than four months later. 1474 01:46:32,007 --> 01:46:33,576 But ten days after our wedding, 1475 01:46:33,609 --> 01:46:37,245 I was diagnosed with stage two breast cancer. 1476 01:46:37,279 --> 01:46:38,914 We spent our honeymoon in the hospital. 1477 01:46:41,316 --> 01:46:43,251 I've...I've had two local recurrences 1478 01:46:43,285 --> 01:46:44,520 and a number of treatments, 1479 01:46:44,553 --> 01:46:46,321 both conventional and alternative, 1480 01:46:46,354 --> 01:46:48,991 in the intervening years. 1481 01:46:49,024 --> 01:46:50,292 But just this January, 1482 01:46:50,325 --> 01:46:53,028 we discovered that the cancer had metastasized, 1483 01:46:53,061 --> 01:46:55,330 that it had spread to my brain and to my lungs. 1484 01:46:56,565 --> 01:46:58,033 The doctors we've consulted have said 1485 01:46:58,066 --> 01:47:01,604 I have two to four years to live. 1486 01:47:01,637 --> 01:47:04,239 Because I could no longer ignore death, 1487 01:47:04,272 --> 01:47:06,041 I pay more attention to life. 1488 01:47:08,376 --> 01:47:10,513 [Ken] [voice-over] In the years after Treya passed, 1489 01:47:10,546 --> 01:47:15,017 I began slowly working my way back into the world. 1490 01:47:15,050 --> 01:47:18,621 I began writing again, starting with Grace and Grit , 1491 01:47:18,654 --> 01:47:22,357 which I had promised her I would write. 1492 01:47:22,390 --> 01:47:25,260 Usually, my books are dedicated to a person 1493 01:47:25,293 --> 01:47:27,630 important in my life. 1494 01:47:27,663 --> 01:47:32,034 But the next ten books I wrote over the next ten years 1495 01:47:32,067 --> 01:47:34,469 had no dedications at all 1496 01:47:34,503 --> 01:47:37,706 because each of them were dedicated to her 1497 01:47:37,740 --> 01:47:42,611 in simple, ongoing gratefulness. 1498 01:47:42,645 --> 01:47:46,281 Those years with Treya are etched into my soul 1499 01:47:46,314 --> 01:47:49,618 and somehow, our love lives on. 1500 01:47:51,520 --> 01:47:54,356 ["Nicola" performed by Stuart Davis] 1501 01:48:10,072 --> 01:48:13,308 * We rattle a gateless gate 1502 01:48:18,480 --> 01:48:22,184 * And push against A weightless weight * 1503 01:48:27,289 --> 01:48:30,525 * Looking for A stateless state * 1504 01:48:34,196 --> 01:48:36,264 * Nicola 1505 01:48:37,633 --> 01:48:40,535 * Whatever love will make 1506 01:48:42,137 --> 01:48:45,473 * Love erases 1507 01:48:47,309 --> 01:48:51,046 * And all these twins 1508 01:48:51,079 --> 01:48:54,116 * With different faces 1509 01:48:55,517 --> 01:48:59,521 * Fallen from the womb 1510 01:48:59,554 --> 01:49:04,192 * Risen from the tomb 1511 01:49:04,226 --> 01:49:07,262 * Carried in perfume 1512 01:49:09,397 --> 01:49:11,399 * Nicola 1513 01:49:14,102 --> 01:49:20,442 * Ooohh 1514 01:49:22,477 --> 01:49:27,683 * Ooohh 1515 01:49:29,217 --> 01:49:32,788 * All the ones alive today 1516 01:49:37,860 --> 01:49:41,563 * Are the ones That passed away * 1517 01:49:46,702 --> 01:49:50,405 * Are the ones Who're on their way * 1518 01:49:53,541 --> 01:49:55,543 * Nicola 1519 01:49:57,112 --> 01:50:00,148 * Whatever love will take 1520 01:50:01,449 --> 01:50:05,320 * Love replaces 1521 01:50:06,588 --> 01:50:10,292 * And all these twins 1522 01:50:10,325 --> 01:50:13,595 * With different faces 1523 01:50:14,797 --> 01:50:19,101 * Fallen from the womb 1524 01:50:19,134 --> 01:50:23,371 * Risen from the tomb 1525 01:50:23,405 --> 01:50:26,909 * Carried in perfume 1526 01:50:28,877 --> 01:50:30,913 * Nicola 1527 01:50:33,481 --> 01:50:40,555 * Ooohh 1528 01:50:42,190 --> 01:50:46,829 * Ooohh 1529 01:51:06,514 --> 01:51:09,417 [music fades out]