1 00:00:01,826 --> 00:00:02,826 - I'm ready. Let's go. Let's go. 2 00:00:02,910 --> 00:00:04,327 - Holy [bleep]. 3 00:00:04,412 --> 00:00:06,496 I've been dreaming about this moment for my whole life. 4 00:00:06,581 --> 00:00:07,914 - Please stand. 5 00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:09,750 - Just over five weeks ago, 6 00:00:09,834 --> 00:00:12,085 10 singles took a brave leap of faith 7 00:00:12,170 --> 00:00:13,420 in order to find love. 8 00:00:13,504 --> 00:00:15,422 - Hi. [laughter] 9 00:00:15,506 --> 00:00:18,017 - They married as complete strangers. 10 00:00:18,101 --> 00:00:20,260 - You may kiss your bride. 11 00:00:20,353 --> 00:00:23,272 [cheers and applause] 12 00:00:23,431 --> 00:00:24,606 - I took a leap of faith, 13 00:00:24,766 --> 00:00:28,185 and I can't wait to grow together with this person. 14 00:00:28,278 --> 00:00:30,112 - Last time, our couples continued 15 00:00:30,271 --> 00:00:31,938 to learn more about each other 16 00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:33,940 as they dealt with the ups and downs of daily life. 17 00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:35,451 [laughter] 18 00:00:37,945 --> 00:00:40,039 - "Even though we married at first sight, 19 00:00:40,198 --> 00:00:42,791 "I'm still loving you all day and all night, 20 00:00:42,950 --> 00:00:43,959 always and for the rest of my life." 21 00:00:44,118 --> 00:00:46,119 - That was my first time hearing him say 22 00:00:46,212 --> 00:00:48,622 that he was loving me in a forever type of way. 23 00:00:48,706 --> 00:00:50,299 Feels good to hear him say that. 24 00:00:53,127 --> 00:00:56,046 - I'm comparing Bao to the ideal person 25 00:00:56,139 --> 00:00:57,631 that I thought I'd be married to, 26 00:00:57,715 --> 00:01:00,717 and I'm constantly comparing her to that. 27 00:01:00,810 --> 00:01:04,638 - Now, Johnny, that is a sabotage. 28 00:01:04,731 --> 00:01:07,224 That's impossible. No one can live up to that standard! 29 00:01:07,308 --> 00:01:09,485 That person needs to be destroyed. 30 00:01:11,488 --> 00:01:12,821 - Y'all ain't had no disagreements, 31 00:01:12,980 --> 00:01:14,490 or no arguments, no nothing? 32 00:01:14,649 --> 00:01:16,399 - Disagreements? The dog stuff. 33 00:01:16,484 --> 00:01:17,576 She's not a dog person. 34 00:01:17,660 --> 00:01:19,069 Well, fast forward, now... 35 00:01:19,153 --> 00:01:21,738 [upbeat music] 36 00:01:21,823 --> 00:01:23,573 - A complete 180. 37 00:01:23,666 --> 00:01:25,250 [bleep] damn. - Bro, complete 180. 38 00:01:27,912 --> 00:01:29,162 - I'm still struggling with this, 39 00:01:29,247 --> 00:01:32,749 and it sucks to have that uncertainty and doubt. 40 00:01:32,842 --> 00:01:34,009 - If you don't want to be with me, 41 00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:35,511 then please don't be with me. 42 00:01:35,595 --> 00:01:39,005 But, like, he needs to say it, because it's frustrating 43 00:01:39,090 --> 00:01:41,934 to not just be told what it is in black and white terms. 44 00:01:42,093 --> 00:01:43,268 ♪ ♪ 45 00:01:46,606 --> 00:01:49,099 - I've never been in a relationship during the summer. 46 00:01:49,183 --> 00:01:50,767 It's scary-- - 'Cause you've been single, 47 00:01:50,852 --> 00:01:52,435 and then you just travel or do whatever you want. 48 00:01:52,529 --> 00:01:54,104 - You could not criticize me one bit, 49 00:01:54,197 --> 00:01:56,532 'cause I would be, like, out the door. 50 00:01:56,691 --> 00:01:58,367 - So, there's a little bit of trust issue there, of, 51 00:01:58,526 --> 00:01:59,785 is she gonna stay in the marriage 52 00:01:59,869 --> 00:02:01,120 if it's not going her way? 53 00:02:01,279 --> 00:02:02,529 ♪ ♪ 54 00:02:02,622 --> 00:02:04,039 - [vocalizing] 55 00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:05,115 - Tonight... 56 00:02:05,199 --> 00:02:06,616 - Johnny. - I got it. 57 00:02:06,701 --> 00:02:08,710 - With less than three weeks left until Decision Day... 58 00:02:08,870 --> 00:02:10,287 - Go team! Go team! 59 00:02:10,371 --> 00:02:11,621 - How are you, my dear? 60 00:02:11,706 --> 00:02:13,290 Dr. Pepper and I will sit down 61 00:02:13,374 --> 00:02:15,375 with each spouse, individually... 62 00:02:15,468 --> 00:02:16,635 - Nice to see you again. 63 00:02:16,719 --> 00:02:18,962 - To find out what unanswered questions 64 00:02:19,046 --> 00:02:21,381 still linger in their marriages. 65 00:02:21,465 --> 00:02:22,641 - I know it's going good, 66 00:02:22,725 --> 00:02:24,643 but it can derail at any moment. 67 00:02:24,727 --> 00:02:28,147 - I think I knew I would be happy in marriage, but... 68 00:02:28,306 --> 00:02:29,898 ♪ ♪ 69 00:02:30,057 --> 00:02:31,057 - I'm gonna stay open to it. 70 00:02:31,142 --> 00:02:33,569 - I would be willing to keep trying. 71 00:02:33,728 --> 00:02:35,154 - I want to be able to trust my wife, 72 00:02:35,238 --> 00:02:37,156 but, you know, it's tough. 73 00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:39,232 - My husband has a temper. 74 00:02:39,325 --> 00:02:40,826 He can be vindictive. 75 00:02:40,985 --> 00:02:42,819 - Do you want this more than you don't want it? 76 00:02:42,904 --> 00:02:43,996 - He's not happy. 77 00:02:44,155 --> 00:02:45,831 - I don't understand why should we sleep-- 78 00:02:45,990 --> 00:02:47,574 We should sleep in separate rooms right now. 79 00:02:47,667 --> 00:02:49,743 I don't get--that doesn't help anything; that only hurts. 80 00:02:49,827 --> 00:02:51,077 Nothing I ever do in life is good enough. 81 00:02:51,162 --> 00:02:53,088 ♪ ♪ 82 00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:56,341 - Tonight's conversation, all of that's lost right now. 83 00:02:56,500 --> 00:02:58,844 - If Johnny doesn't figure this [bleep] out for himself, 84 00:02:58,928 --> 00:03:00,596 he's never gonna be happy. 85 00:03:00,755 --> 00:03:02,014 - For 15 years, we could have dated. 86 00:03:02,098 --> 00:03:03,515 I wasn't attracted to you. 87 00:03:03,674 --> 00:03:06,676 ♪ ♪ 88 00:03:06,769 --> 00:03:08,604 - ♪ It's all or nothing ♪ 89 00:03:08,763 --> 00:03:10,939 - This is "Married at First Sight." 90 00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:12,691 - ♪ There's no other way ♪ 91 00:03:12,850 --> 00:03:14,526 ♪ ♪ 92 00:03:14,611 --> 00:03:17,020 ♪ It's all or nothing ♪ 93 00:03:17,104 --> 00:03:20,449 - ♪ Time stops fading in and out ♪ 94 00:03:20,533 --> 00:03:22,284 ♪ Will they sink or will they swim? ♪ 95 00:03:22,443 --> 00:03:24,369 ♪ I think it's time to decide ♪ 96 00:03:24,454 --> 00:03:26,696 - So, this is what my wife does on a normal day. 97 00:03:26,789 --> 00:03:29,208 Just laying in bed, being a bum. 98 00:03:29,367 --> 00:03:32,035 Say hello. - Hello. 99 00:03:32,128 --> 00:03:33,870 - When you gonna stop being a bum? 100 00:03:33,955 --> 00:03:35,121 - When I want to. 101 00:03:35,206 --> 00:03:36,206 - Is that gonna be anytime soon? 102 00:03:36,290 --> 00:03:37,633 - Probably not. 103 00:03:37,717 --> 00:03:40,794 - Our couples are now fully immersed in married life, 104 00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:42,971 and they're finding out about all the little things 105 00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:45,140 that irritate them about their spouse. 106 00:03:45,299 --> 00:03:48,143 - So, concerns that I have-- 107 00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:51,972 And granted, we live a crazy, hectic life, 108 00:03:52,056 --> 00:03:55,150 but this is very alarming to me. 109 00:03:55,309 --> 00:03:58,570 - But they still have to learn how to move past their issues 110 00:03:58,729 --> 00:04:01,314 and see things from their partner's perspective. 111 00:04:01,407 --> 00:04:03,242 - Just a few minutes in. 112 00:04:03,326 --> 00:04:05,827 We got about a little under a hour to go, so. 113 00:04:05,987 --> 00:04:07,237 - We're not doing an hour. 114 00:04:07,321 --> 00:04:08,822 - A little under an hour. 115 00:04:08,906 --> 00:04:11,241 - Oh, my God. [laughter] 116 00:04:11,325 --> 00:04:12,826 - You see what I gotta deal with, people? 117 00:04:12,910 --> 00:04:15,328 - Because in less than three weeks, 118 00:04:15,413 --> 00:04:16,672 they'll have to make the decision 119 00:04:16,831 --> 00:04:19,424 as to whether they'll stay married or get a divorce. 120 00:04:19,583 --> 00:04:21,668 ♪ ♪ 121 00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:22,928 - ♪ Falling ♪ 122 00:04:23,087 --> 00:04:24,254 ♪ ♪ 123 00:04:24,338 --> 00:04:26,348 - ♪ Everybody, get it now ♪ 124 00:04:26,507 --> 00:04:28,267 - ♪ Everybody, hold on ♪ 125 00:04:28,351 --> 00:04:30,427 ♪ Everybody's waiting, whoo ♪ 126 00:04:30,511 --> 00:04:31,853 ♪ Falling ♪ 127 00:04:32,013 --> 00:04:33,847 - Everybody, get it now ♪ 128 00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:35,524 - ♪ Falling ♪ 129 00:04:35,683 --> 00:04:38,193 - What's up, man? - Ryan. 130 00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:40,612 - You bring your own stick, or you just casually playing? 131 00:04:40,771 --> 00:04:41,863 How are you? 132 00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:44,107 - Just waiting for a worthy opponent, man. 133 00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:46,359 - I don't know if that's me or not. 134 00:04:46,444 --> 00:04:47,444 What are you up to? 135 00:04:47,528 --> 00:04:49,446 How was your day? How was y'all's day? 136 00:04:49,530 --> 00:04:50,947 I know y'all have been busy this week. 137 00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:52,374 - Super busy. You have too, actually. 138 00:04:52,458 --> 00:04:55,877 - You're getting what you asked for, it sounds like. 139 00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:58,038 - Yeah. [chuckles] 140 00:04:58,131 --> 00:05:00,132 I am getting what I asked for. 141 00:05:00,216 --> 00:05:01,624 The past few days have been really fun. 142 00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:03,710 I asked Bao to try doing things-- 143 00:05:03,803 --> 00:05:06,221 Schedule dates, be open. 144 00:05:06,380 --> 00:05:09,299 And I do think she is making an effort. 145 00:05:09,392 --> 00:05:10,809 Like, we went bowling last night. 146 00:05:10,893 --> 00:05:14,387 You know, high-fiving and kind of cheering each other on. 147 00:05:14,472 --> 00:05:16,231 Bao, we've played two games so far. 148 00:05:16,390 --> 00:05:17,649 What have the results been? 149 00:05:17,808 --> 00:05:19,568 ♪ ♪ 150 00:05:19,727 --> 00:05:22,070 - Look, it's not about numbers. 151 00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:24,147 It's about having fun. 152 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:26,733 - Oh, yeah. Are you having fun? 153 00:05:26,817 --> 00:05:29,077 - Yes. - [laughs] I'm having fun. 154 00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:30,904 - So much fun. - I'm having fun. 155 00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:32,998 Let's go--let's go show them the scoreboard real quick. 156 00:05:33,082 --> 00:05:35,000 - No, no, we don't need to fixate on things like numbers. 157 00:05:35,084 --> 00:05:38,078 Numbers are irrelevant. It's all about having fun. 158 00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:39,913 We don't need to see. No, you don't need to see that. 159 00:05:39,997 --> 00:05:41,247 You don't need to see that! 160 00:05:41,332 --> 00:05:42,832 You don't need-- That's irrelevant. 161 00:05:42,925 --> 00:05:45,510 I'm not tall enough. That's not fair! 162 00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:48,013 [laughter] 163 00:05:48,172 --> 00:05:51,600 - It felt natural-- Like a natural moment. 164 00:05:51,759 --> 00:05:53,843 Nothing felt forced. - Yeah. 165 00:05:53,928 --> 00:05:55,261 I can't force it anymore. 166 00:05:55,346 --> 00:05:57,939 I tried forcing it for a few weeks, 167 00:05:58,024 --> 00:06:01,017 and I wasn't-- 168 00:06:01,102 --> 00:06:02,527 It wasn't real. 169 00:06:02,686 --> 00:06:04,104 ♪ ♪ 170 00:06:04,188 --> 00:06:05,947 - Does it make you sad, though? - Yeah. 171 00:06:06,107 --> 00:06:08,367 She hasn't done anything wrong. 172 00:06:08,526 --> 00:06:10,118 I'm left feeling like I did something wrong, 173 00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:13,113 even though I don't think that I did anything wrong. 174 00:06:13,197 --> 00:06:15,040 - Man, I feel that right now too. 175 00:06:15,199 --> 00:06:17,283 ♪ ♪ 176 00:06:17,368 --> 00:06:18,618 She feels like I don't appreciate 177 00:06:18,702 --> 00:06:19,711 the things that she does. 178 00:06:19,796 --> 00:06:22,631 And I feel like she's not doing anything 179 00:06:22,715 --> 00:06:25,050 that I'm asking her to do, before this week. 180 00:06:25,209 --> 00:06:27,627 This week, she's actually trying pretty hard. 181 00:06:27,711 --> 00:06:29,295 Almost trying too hard. 182 00:06:29,380 --> 00:06:30,463 - Yeah. No, I understand. 183 00:06:30,556 --> 00:06:34,142 I definitely get the "trying too hard" thing. 184 00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:37,053 Just ignore all the issues, and keep chugging along. 185 00:06:37,146 --> 00:06:38,888 [laughter] 186 00:06:38,973 --> 00:06:41,224 ♪ ♪ 187 00:06:41,308 --> 00:06:43,393 - Could you, at any point, find yourself 188 00:06:43,486 --> 00:06:45,654 looking at all the things you don't like 189 00:06:45,738 --> 00:06:49,983 and just be, like--focus on just the positive stuff? 190 00:06:50,067 --> 00:06:53,912 - No. That's unrealistic. You don't get to do that. 191 00:06:54,071 --> 00:06:55,664 - 'Cause I'm trying to do that, and I'm wondering 192 00:06:55,823 --> 00:06:57,073 if that's, like-- - You can't. 193 00:06:57,166 --> 00:06:59,000 That's--I mean, I understand. - A useful exercise. 194 00:06:59,085 --> 00:07:00,585 - That might be useful, but it's not real. 195 00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:02,254 It's not how you go-- You can't go through life 196 00:07:02,338 --> 00:07:04,089 just disregarding the bad. 197 00:07:04,248 --> 00:07:07,092 ♪ ♪ 198 00:07:07,251 --> 00:07:10,086 - Ryan and I hang out a lot, and I feel like 199 00:07:10,179 --> 00:07:11,754 he really understands what I'm going through, 200 00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:13,923 I understand what he's going through. 201 00:07:14,016 --> 00:07:16,017 But sometimes it feels like 202 00:07:16,177 --> 00:07:19,262 he is very negative about this entire situation. 203 00:07:19,346 --> 00:07:20,939 It's not helpful. 204 00:07:21,098 --> 00:07:22,691 ♪ ♪ 205 00:07:22,775 --> 00:07:26,186 - I'm not trying to discourage you in any regard. 206 00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:27,696 But, I don't know, 207 00:07:27,780 --> 00:07:29,781 I feel like if you're going against what you're feeling, 208 00:07:29,866 --> 00:07:32,784 it's just a no-win situation, but. 209 00:07:32,869 --> 00:07:35,036 - Maybe if I--if I start showing my appreciation 210 00:07:35,196 --> 00:07:36,788 for her, we'll get to a better place. 211 00:07:36,947 --> 00:07:38,198 'Cause I do-- I do sometimes feel like 212 00:07:38,282 --> 00:07:39,875 there's some positive stuff here, 213 00:07:40,034 --> 00:07:41,960 despite all the freaking red flags. 214 00:07:42,119 --> 00:07:44,120 - Yeah. 215 00:07:44,213 --> 00:07:45,955 You just gotta listen to yourself, man. 216 00:07:46,048 --> 00:07:48,633 Whatever way that tells you to go. 217 00:07:48,792 --> 00:07:55,724 ♪ ♪ 218 00:08:03,983 --> 00:08:05,308 - Hey. - [gasps] 219 00:08:05,401 --> 00:08:08,069 - How's it going? - Hello. 220 00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:11,481 - You have a good day? - Yeah. Pretty good. 221 00:08:11,574 --> 00:08:13,492 How was your day? - Oh, it was good. Yeah. 222 00:08:13,576 --> 00:08:14,743 - You hung out with Ryan, right? 223 00:08:14,827 --> 00:08:16,819 - I hung out with Ryan. We played some pool. 224 00:08:16,913 --> 00:08:19,498 - Oh, you did? - Ryan--Ryan's probably-- 225 00:08:19,657 --> 00:08:22,000 We joked around about this downstairs, actually. 226 00:08:22,159 --> 00:08:24,336 - Mm-hmm. 227 00:08:24,495 --> 00:08:28,248 - Ryan might be the last guy I needed to talk to, 228 00:08:28,332 --> 00:08:30,250 'cause I'm a better place in our relationship 229 00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:31,251 than Ryan's at. 230 00:08:31,335 --> 00:08:33,336 ♪ ♪ 231 00:08:33,429 --> 00:08:35,255 But just looking back, I feel like 232 00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:38,600 the lack of foundation in a few very important areas-- 233 00:08:38,684 --> 00:08:41,436 Trust, communication, 234 00:08:41,595 --> 00:08:43,596 and having, like, a solid friendship-- 235 00:08:43,681 --> 00:08:45,023 Those three things, to me, are lacking, 236 00:08:45,182 --> 00:08:46,766 and we wouldn't have a lot of the arguments 237 00:08:46,859 --> 00:08:48,017 that we've had so far 238 00:08:48,102 --> 00:08:49,778 if those three things were really strong. 239 00:08:49,862 --> 00:08:51,437 - Hmm. 240 00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:52,864 - Do you disagree? 241 00:08:53,023 --> 00:08:54,774 - I do. - Okay. 242 00:08:54,858 --> 00:08:57,285 - Because, for me, going into a marriage 243 00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,371 with the intention of just pure friendship 244 00:08:59,530 --> 00:09:01,540 is counterintuitive 245 00:09:01,624 --> 00:09:05,201 to wanting emotional intimacy and romance and all that stuff. 246 00:09:05,286 --> 00:09:07,370 ♪ ♪ 247 00:09:07,463 --> 00:09:09,381 When we first got into big arguments, 248 00:09:09,540 --> 00:09:11,550 and then you felt like the emotional intimacy 249 00:09:11,634 --> 00:09:12,959 was declining 250 00:09:13,043 --> 00:09:14,877 and, you know, you were needing that spark again-- 251 00:09:14,962 --> 00:09:15,887 - Mm-hmm. 252 00:09:15,972 --> 00:09:18,464 - We met with Dr. Viviana, 253 00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:21,050 and she was trying to give us ideas on how to be more-- 254 00:09:21,143 --> 00:09:23,144 You know, spice it up, bring more intimacy in. 255 00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:25,814 And instead, we're taking all of that out. 256 00:09:25,898 --> 00:09:27,148 - The thing is, like, the physical part-- 257 00:09:27,233 --> 00:09:28,733 - Why? 258 00:09:28,892 --> 00:09:30,977 - Is because I don't feel anything from it. 259 00:09:31,061 --> 00:09:32,979 ♪ ♪ 260 00:09:33,072 --> 00:09:34,731 - Don't give me that BS. 261 00:09:34,824 --> 00:09:37,817 - I'm doing it just to do the motions. 262 00:09:37,901 --> 00:09:39,244 - It's very frustrating, 263 00:09:39,403 --> 00:09:41,496 because I know there was a time when there was a spark. 264 00:09:41,655 --> 00:09:44,833 - Whoa. Whoa! [laughter] 265 00:09:44,917 --> 00:09:46,334 She has got a great ass. 266 00:09:46,493 --> 00:09:49,912 - Do you have any tension that you want me to help release? 267 00:09:49,997 --> 00:09:51,423 - Uh... 268 00:09:51,507 --> 00:09:53,425 Yeah, let's say it's in my back. 269 00:09:53,584 --> 00:09:58,096 ♪ ♪ 270 00:09:58,255 --> 00:10:02,267 - I don't know if Johnny sees the hypocrisy. 271 00:10:02,426 --> 00:10:07,013 - Like, to me, I don't want to just have sex. 272 00:10:07,106 --> 00:10:09,015 I don't want to just kiss you for the sake of kissing you. 273 00:10:09,108 --> 00:10:10,433 And that's why I said, 274 00:10:10,526 --> 00:10:11,776 let's take that out of this right now, 275 00:10:11,861 --> 00:10:13,686 because I'm not there yet. 276 00:10:13,771 --> 00:10:15,363 For me, physical intimacy 277 00:10:15,522 --> 00:10:18,775 is a by-product of emotional attachment. 278 00:10:18,868 --> 00:10:20,526 - Right, but you're saying this is the approach 279 00:10:20,611 --> 00:10:22,037 that you feel will work for you. 280 00:10:22,196 --> 00:10:23,788 - For me. That's all I can do. 281 00:10:23,873 --> 00:10:26,949 - Okay, but the marriage consists of both of us. 282 00:10:27,034 --> 00:10:29,035 And I am feeling forced 283 00:10:29,119 --> 00:10:31,463 to just go with what you feel works for you. 284 00:10:31,622 --> 00:10:33,956 ♪ ♪ 285 00:10:34,041 --> 00:10:37,302 - [sighs] I don't know what to tell you. 286 00:10:37,461 --> 00:10:38,887 ♪ ♪ 287 00:10:38,971 --> 00:10:40,972 [sighs] Oh, God. 288 00:10:41,131 --> 00:10:43,299 ♪ ♪ 289 00:10:43,384 --> 00:10:46,728 We don't have to do this. 290 00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:49,064 We really don't. 291 00:10:49,223 --> 00:10:50,649 - You need a break? 292 00:10:50,733 --> 00:10:52,901 - I just--I just need a little minute real quick, because-- 293 00:10:52,985 --> 00:10:54,903 - We're just talking. - This is--this is-- 294 00:10:55,062 --> 00:10:56,396 This is insane. This is incredible. 295 00:10:56,480 --> 00:10:58,323 - Why--why are you blowing up? - This is incredible. 296 00:10:58,482 --> 00:10:59,991 - Why are you blowing up? We're just talking. 297 00:11:00,076 --> 00:11:02,151 - Hold on, hold on, hold on. - We're just talking. 298 00:11:02,244 --> 00:11:03,486 Please tell me why you are leaving. 299 00:11:03,579 --> 00:11:04,996 We are literally just talking. 300 00:11:05,155 --> 00:11:10,993 ♪ ♪ 301 00:11:11,087 --> 00:11:16,082 I feel that Johnny is not happy, 302 00:11:16,175 --> 00:11:18,343 because he doesn't want to be. 303 00:11:18,502 --> 00:11:20,586 Johnny does not want to put in the work 304 00:11:20,671 --> 00:11:22,422 to make the marriage work. 305 00:11:22,506 --> 00:11:24,090 And I honestly feel 306 00:11:24,174 --> 00:11:27,176 that if Johnny doesn't figure this [bleep] out for himself, 307 00:11:27,269 --> 00:11:31,773 he's never gonna be happy, in any relationship. 308 00:11:31,932 --> 00:11:33,766 - I want to say so many things. 309 00:11:33,859 --> 00:11:36,185 - Then say them, please, 310 00:11:36,278 --> 00:11:37,445 so I understand what you're thinking. 311 00:11:37,604 --> 00:11:39,355 - I want to say so many things. Look. Look, Bao. 312 00:11:39,448 --> 00:11:41,491 - 'Cause I don't right now. - Oh, God. 313 00:11:43,944 --> 00:11:46,946 My thinking behind this is, 314 00:11:47,039 --> 00:11:49,031 I feel like certain things are lacking on the foundation. 315 00:11:49,116 --> 00:11:50,366 I want to build the foundation. 316 00:11:50,459 --> 00:11:51,784 And I feel like this week has been off 317 00:11:51,869 --> 00:11:53,294 to a really good start. 318 00:11:53,379 --> 00:11:55,705 The dates we've been on have been--felt very lighthearted. 319 00:11:55,789 --> 00:11:57,623 Literally, I'm just trying to get to know you better. 320 00:11:57,708 --> 00:11:58,791 - Mm-hmm. - And we're having fun. 321 00:11:58,876 --> 00:12:00,552 We're having lighthearted conversations. 322 00:12:00,636 --> 00:12:02,387 We're have heart-to-hearts, and it's making me 323 00:12:02,471 --> 00:12:03,880 feel stronger about the relationship. 324 00:12:03,964 --> 00:12:06,549 Tonight's conversation, 325 00:12:06,642 --> 00:12:09,802 all of that's lost right now, 326 00:12:09,887 --> 00:12:11,554 because you're telling me 327 00:12:11,647 --> 00:12:13,565 strengthening the foundation's not gonna work. 328 00:12:13,724 --> 00:12:14,724 - I didn't say that. 329 00:12:14,817 --> 00:12:17,393 I feel you can strengthen a foundation 330 00:12:17,478 --> 00:12:19,729 by just going in and dating, for example. 331 00:12:19,813 --> 00:12:21,230 - Right. - Having the romance already. 332 00:12:21,315 --> 00:12:23,399 - You saying that you don't want to work on friendship, 333 00:12:23,484 --> 00:12:25,076 when the friendship has been working for me-- 334 00:12:25,235 --> 00:12:26,736 - Yeah, friendship has been working. I agree. 335 00:12:26,820 --> 00:12:29,238 Friendship has been working for me too. 336 00:12:29,331 --> 00:12:31,324 But that's not marriage. - It is--it is the soil 337 00:12:31,417 --> 00:12:34,243 of what I think something beautiful can blossom out of. 338 00:12:34,328 --> 00:12:36,838 - We definitely both went into this marriage 339 00:12:36,997 --> 00:12:40,333 with different approaches and different expectations. 340 00:12:40,417 --> 00:12:43,261 For me, I just kind of feel like we're trying to figure out 341 00:12:43,420 --> 00:12:46,264 how to make that work, and I don't-- 342 00:12:46,423 --> 00:12:48,433 There's some things that I'm just at that point 343 00:12:48,592 --> 00:12:50,676 where I'm like, I don't know if we can work through that. 344 00:12:50,761 --> 00:12:53,021 - ♪ There's always something more ♪ 345 00:12:53,105 --> 00:12:57,683 ♪ Love's not always true ♪ 346 00:12:57,768 --> 00:12:59,685 ♪ ♪ 347 00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:01,354 ♪ We come like a ♪ 348 00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:06,117 ♪ Tidal wave ♪ 349 00:13:06,276 --> 00:13:07,577 ♪ ♪ 350 00:13:11,532 --> 00:13:14,283 - ♪ And I pull up ♪ 351 00:13:14,376 --> 00:13:17,119 ♪ Give me the dream I adore ♪ 352 00:13:17,204 --> 00:13:19,288 - I made steak and sweet potatoes and asparagus. 353 00:13:19,373 --> 00:13:21,466 - Make sure y'all noticing I'm putting ketchup 354 00:13:21,625 --> 00:13:24,210 on my sweet potatoes, not on my steak. 355 00:13:24,294 --> 00:13:25,887 - He's putting it on his steak. 356 00:13:25,971 --> 00:13:28,047 - Absolutely not. [laughter] 357 00:13:28,131 --> 00:13:30,216 - Today, Pastor Cal and I are meeting 358 00:13:30,300 --> 00:13:32,051 with each spouse individually 359 00:13:32,135 --> 00:13:34,813 to help them figure out what unanswered questions 360 00:13:34,972 --> 00:13:37,565 they might have about their spouse. 361 00:13:37,724 --> 00:13:39,475 - Bao, what's going on? 362 00:13:39,560 --> 00:13:42,821 - I'm just tidying up a little bit. 363 00:13:42,980 --> 00:13:44,989 - There are less than three weeks left 364 00:13:45,074 --> 00:13:46,566 until Decision Day. 365 00:13:46,650 --> 00:13:49,068 We want to make sure that they examine 366 00:13:49,152 --> 00:13:50,995 every relevant issue 367 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:53,665 in order to decide whether they want to stay married 368 00:13:53,824 --> 00:13:56,668 or whether they want to get a divorce. 369 00:13:56,752 --> 00:13:59,003 - ♪ Nothing to lose, everything to win ♪ 370 00:13:59,088 --> 00:14:01,581 ♪ Gonna do it my way, then do it again ♪ 371 00:14:01,665 --> 00:14:04,834 ♪ ♪ 372 00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:09,005 - Getting ready to go see Pastor Cal. 373 00:14:09,098 --> 00:14:10,515 You know, Pastor Cal's a cool dude. 374 00:14:10,599 --> 00:14:12,592 I like talking to him. Very wise dude. 375 00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:14,435 But the most--the main reason I like talking to him: 376 00:14:14,595 --> 00:14:15,937 he's very straightforward. 377 00:14:16,021 --> 00:14:18,690 He's very-- He's, like, "Cut the BS. 378 00:14:18,774 --> 00:14:22,268 Tell me how it is straight up," and I love that. 379 00:14:22,352 --> 00:14:23,436 Hey. - How you doing, buddy? 380 00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:25,354 - I'm doing awesome. - That's good, man. 381 00:14:25,439 --> 00:14:28,032 ♪ ♪ 382 00:14:28,117 --> 00:14:29,609 How's married life? 383 00:14:29,693 --> 00:14:30,869 - Now that I finally got my kiss, 384 00:14:30,953 --> 00:14:32,945 I feel real good about married life. 385 00:14:33,030 --> 00:14:35,373 - Aww, suki suki! All right. 386 00:14:35,457 --> 00:14:37,199 [laughter] 387 00:14:37,284 --> 00:14:38,459 What do you feel are some of the reasons 388 00:14:38,619 --> 00:14:40,119 that we matched you guys? 389 00:14:40,212 --> 00:14:43,205 - She's very caring. She's very loving, right? 390 00:14:43,290 --> 00:14:45,884 And, you know, I'm a person-- And I'm very passionate. 391 00:14:45,968 --> 00:14:48,136 So, like, we get along very well. 392 00:14:48,220 --> 00:14:50,889 And we're very honest. 393 00:14:51,048 --> 00:14:53,716 We don't sugarcoat anything. It's direct. 394 00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:54,967 I'm not scared to tell her anything. 395 00:14:55,052 --> 00:14:57,136 - Okay. 396 00:14:57,229 --> 00:15:00,973 Now, I know that, right now, you guys are in a good place, 397 00:15:01,066 --> 00:15:04,977 but I want you to start thinking about Decision Day, 398 00:15:05,070 --> 00:15:07,563 and not just about the fact that it's going good now. 399 00:15:07,648 --> 00:15:09,574 You understand what I'm saying? 400 00:15:09,658 --> 00:15:11,659 And so, are there any unanswered questions 401 00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:14,320 that can make you say no on Decision Day? 402 00:15:14,404 --> 00:15:19,575 ♪ ♪ 403 00:15:19,660 --> 00:15:21,827 - Um... man. 404 00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:23,412 ♪ ♪ 405 00:15:23,505 --> 00:15:26,507 Sometimes she gets in her little moods, 406 00:15:26,667 --> 00:15:28,501 and her demeanor changes. 407 00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:30,762 And then, she gets short, and she gets very negative. 408 00:15:30,921 --> 00:15:33,339 She becomes a Debbie Downer. - Debbie Downer. 409 00:15:33,432 --> 00:15:34,599 - Princesa. 410 00:15:34,683 --> 00:15:36,601 Aren't you paddleboarding? 411 00:15:36,685 --> 00:15:38,186 - No, because it's kind of cold. 412 00:15:38,345 --> 00:15:40,188 And falling off, no. 413 00:15:40,272 --> 00:15:42,106 Is this a bumpy road? 414 00:15:42,191 --> 00:15:43,358 - It's gonna be bumpy taking off. 415 00:15:43,442 --> 00:15:45,360 - Oh, my God. This is gonna be terrible. 416 00:15:45,519 --> 00:15:46,861 Like, I already know it. 417 00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:48,613 - Ooh! 418 00:15:48,697 --> 00:15:50,439 "Take a body shot." 419 00:15:50,532 --> 00:15:52,617 - Yeah, we're not gonna do that. 420 00:15:52,701 --> 00:15:54,110 - Why not? 421 00:15:54,194 --> 00:15:56,028 - I have never done body shots, 422 00:15:56,113 --> 00:15:57,705 and it's not something that I would want to do. 423 00:15:57,790 --> 00:16:00,032 - Golly! 424 00:16:00,117 --> 00:16:01,960 - You feel like her negativity or her tantrums-- 425 00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:03,544 You feel like any of that's too much for you, 426 00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:05,204 or that it will be too much for you? 427 00:16:05,288 --> 00:16:11,544 ♪ ♪ 428 00:16:11,628 --> 00:16:12,628 - Yes. 429 00:16:12,713 --> 00:16:15,473 ♪ ♪ 430 00:16:15,557 --> 00:16:16,557 I've told her straight up. 431 00:16:16,717 --> 00:16:18,977 I'm like, "Look, this is not gonna be--" 432 00:16:19,061 --> 00:16:20,302 - Right. - "You know, 433 00:16:20,387 --> 00:16:22,146 we're not have this," you know what I'm saying? 434 00:16:22,231 --> 00:16:25,391 Like, "I'm not about to let your negativity affect me." 435 00:16:25,475 --> 00:16:29,061 ♪ ♪ 436 00:16:29,146 --> 00:16:30,896 - In her previous relationships, do you think 437 00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:33,324 people have given her her way when she had tantrums? 438 00:16:33,409 --> 00:16:35,985 - Yes. For sure. - Yeah. 439 00:16:36,069 --> 00:16:37,820 - 'Cause she's a alpha, at the end of the day, so-- 440 00:16:37,913 --> 00:16:39,238 - She'll run over you, if you let her. 441 00:16:39,322 --> 00:16:40,823 - Yeah. Exactly. She can. 442 00:16:40,907 --> 00:16:42,992 ♪ ♪ 443 00:16:43,076 --> 00:16:45,837 - I need you guys to have that proactive conversation. 444 00:16:45,921 --> 00:16:50,332 Ask her, "Why is your reaction the way it is?" 445 00:16:50,417 --> 00:16:53,344 'Cause negativity is like a cancer to a relationship. 446 00:16:53,429 --> 00:16:55,921 That is a problem that's affecting both of you. 447 00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:57,682 - Yeah. It can derail at any moment, you know. 448 00:16:57,841 --> 00:16:58,841 - It could. 449 00:16:58,925 --> 00:17:03,771 ♪ ♪ 450 00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:06,524 - ♪ 6:00 a.m., she wakes up just to do her makeup ♪ 451 00:17:06,608 --> 00:17:08,601 ♪ Every day, she paints it on ♪ 452 00:17:08,685 --> 00:17:11,029 ♪ She don't wear enough, though, now it's too much ♪ 453 00:17:11,188 --> 00:17:12,989 ♪ Oh, every day, she gets it wrong ♪ 454 00:17:17,286 --> 00:17:20,696 - I was a little nervous, but now I'm feeling lovely 455 00:17:20,789 --> 00:17:23,115 after I've had 25¢ martinis. 456 00:17:23,208 --> 00:17:24,617 [music fades] 457 00:17:24,701 --> 00:17:27,211 ♪ ♪ 458 00:17:27,296 --> 00:17:30,381 - Oh! I was expecting you to come from that way. 459 00:17:30,540 --> 00:17:32,875 - I was like, oh, it's a long walk. 460 00:17:32,968 --> 00:17:34,126 - Yeah, I know. I think you-- 461 00:17:34,211 --> 00:17:36,295 Oh, well. Hi. [laughter] 462 00:17:36,379 --> 00:17:38,389 ♪ ♪ 463 00:17:38,548 --> 00:17:42,718 - Oh, another day in happy town here, guys. 464 00:17:42,803 --> 00:17:45,304 That is the mood right now. Need I say more? 465 00:17:45,388 --> 00:17:50,142 ♪ ♪ 466 00:17:50,227 --> 00:17:51,894 - You're very smiley, Myrla. 467 00:17:51,978 --> 00:17:53,905 - [giggles shyly] 468 00:17:53,989 --> 00:17:56,899 - Now, I know you have been out partying with your friends 469 00:17:56,992 --> 00:17:58,651 before you came here. - I know! 470 00:17:58,735 --> 00:18:02,914 - And I want you to know that you're not sober yet. 471 00:18:02,998 --> 00:18:05,074 But what I want to talk to you about, 472 00:18:05,158 --> 00:18:07,168 of course, is your marriage. 473 00:18:07,252 --> 00:18:11,330 There are less than three weeks left until Decision Day. 474 00:18:11,423 --> 00:18:16,585 What are the questions that you would like to ask him 475 00:18:16,670 --> 00:18:18,170 in order to feel comfortable 476 00:18:18,255 --> 00:18:20,589 about saying yes on Decision Day? 477 00:18:20,674 --> 00:18:22,508 ♪ ♪ 478 00:18:22,592 --> 00:18:24,927 - Um... 479 00:18:25,011 --> 00:18:27,939 I think, for me, my question to him is, 480 00:18:28,023 --> 00:18:29,023 what do you need from me 481 00:18:29,182 --> 00:18:31,767 to make sure that you're okay and happy? 482 00:18:31,852 --> 00:18:33,686 And if I'm not giving you what you need, like, 483 00:18:33,770 --> 00:18:34,520 what do you need from me? 484 00:18:34,613 --> 00:18:37,106 What am I not doing enough of? 485 00:18:37,199 --> 00:18:39,775 Because I want this to work out. 486 00:18:39,860 --> 00:18:41,953 ♪ ♪ 487 00:18:42,112 --> 00:18:44,455 - Well, I know you've got high standards, 488 00:18:44,614 --> 00:18:48,793 and you've earned them, so I respect that. 489 00:18:48,877 --> 00:18:51,879 I have noticed that you're a very critical human being. 490 00:18:52,038 --> 00:18:53,047 You know, a lot of this-- 491 00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:56,217 - I am, Dr. Pepper. [laughter] 492 00:18:56,301 --> 00:18:57,877 Our neighbors are kind of close, though. 493 00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:58,886 You don't think? 494 00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:00,805 My pool is better than that pool. 495 00:19:00,964 --> 00:19:02,723 Can you get in the water from here, though? 496 00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:04,884 I just see, like, murky grass. 497 00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:06,727 You know what's missing? 498 00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:09,564 The sound of the ocean waves. 499 00:19:09,648 --> 00:19:11,807 Obviously, you've seen, Dr. Pepper, 500 00:19:11,900 --> 00:19:15,736 there is, like, this much filter to my-- 501 00:19:15,896 --> 00:19:18,898 To the things that I say. 502 00:19:18,982 --> 00:19:21,817 Like, I can't bite my tongue and not say things, 503 00:19:21,910 --> 00:19:24,996 because I'm so honest and blunt. 504 00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:26,581 - I get that, 505 00:19:26,665 --> 00:19:31,744 but I do think a constant rain of criticism changes the mood. 506 00:19:31,828 --> 00:19:33,171 ♪ ♪ 507 00:19:33,255 --> 00:19:36,916 And that could become a big problem in your marriage. 508 00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:42,087 ♪ ♪ 509 00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:44,924 Do you feel grateful that he's in your life? 510 00:19:45,008 --> 00:19:46,517 - I do. 511 00:19:46,676 --> 00:19:48,603 This morning, we woke up, and I was like, 512 00:19:48,687 --> 00:19:52,190 "Man, I'm--you make me so happy every day." 513 00:19:52,274 --> 00:19:53,691 It's just so amazing. 514 00:19:53,775 --> 00:19:58,863 Like, above and beyond what I even expected was, like-- 515 00:19:58,947 --> 00:20:01,690 You pray for things, but you don't think that-- 516 00:20:01,783 --> 00:20:03,117 You know, you never really think 517 00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:04,285 that these things will happen. 518 00:20:04,444 --> 00:20:07,705 Like, he's so thoughtful. 519 00:20:07,789 --> 00:20:11,709 And that's why I'm, like, I made the choice to love you. 520 00:20:11,793 --> 00:20:13,127 So much good in his heart. 521 00:20:13,286 --> 00:20:15,213 I think everything that I imagined a husband would be, 522 00:20:15,297 --> 00:20:18,216 he's just, like--like, an extra step above that. 523 00:20:18,375 --> 00:20:20,459 I never thought that would be possible. 524 00:20:20,543 --> 00:20:21,877 And because of that, 525 00:20:21,962 --> 00:20:24,880 I made the choice to love my husband. 526 00:20:24,965 --> 00:20:28,884 ♪ ♪ 527 00:20:28,969 --> 00:20:34,390 I think I knew I would be happy in marriage, but... 528 00:20:34,474 --> 00:20:36,817 I didn't think that, you know, 529 00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:41,146 I would get everything I wanted and more in marriage. 530 00:20:41,231 --> 00:20:45,401 ♪ ♪ 531 00:20:45,494 --> 00:20:47,995 I'm very happy. [giggles shyly] 532 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:49,830 - I love hearing that. 533 00:20:49,915 --> 00:20:52,500 But, of course, there are two people in this marriage. 534 00:20:52,659 --> 00:20:55,494 And if you don't start working on your negativity soon, 535 00:20:55,578 --> 00:20:57,171 you could lose him. 536 00:20:57,256 --> 00:20:59,081 And you don't want that to happen. 537 00:20:59,165 --> 00:21:01,092 ♪ ♪ 538 00:21:04,930 --> 00:21:06,597 [upbeat music] 539 00:21:06,756 --> 00:21:07,682 ♪ ♪ 540 00:21:07,841 --> 00:21:10,351 - ♪ When we're apart ♪ 541 00:21:10,435 --> 00:21:13,178 - Zack and I had our moments already, 542 00:21:13,263 --> 00:21:16,190 and I don't think at this point neither--either one of us 543 00:21:16,349 --> 00:21:19,694 are ignoring anything in our marriage. 544 00:21:19,778 --> 00:21:23,188 I think we are both paying full attention, 545 00:21:23,282 --> 00:21:25,449 because we want this marriage. We want to be together. 546 00:21:25,534 --> 00:21:28,527 And so, I hope that he uses this moment to be honest 547 00:21:28,620 --> 00:21:30,029 and truthful and open. 548 00:21:30,122 --> 00:21:32,448 So, here goes nothing. 549 00:21:32,532 --> 00:21:33,949 ♪ ♪ 550 00:21:34,042 --> 00:21:36,368 - How you doing? - I'm great. Thank you. 551 00:21:36,461 --> 00:21:37,962 - Hey, Pastor Cal. 552 00:21:38,121 --> 00:21:39,213 - How are you, my dear? - What's up? 553 00:21:39,372 --> 00:21:40,706 - Oh, my gosh. Good to see you. 554 00:21:40,799 --> 00:21:42,124 - Good to see you too. 555 00:21:42,208 --> 00:21:44,385 ♪ ♪ 556 00:21:44,469 --> 00:21:45,803 - How have things been going? 557 00:21:45,887 --> 00:21:47,471 - Things have been going a lot better. 558 00:21:47,630 --> 00:21:48,806 - Okay. 559 00:21:48,890 --> 00:21:50,808 - But it's like, I have to take it step-by-step. 560 00:21:50,967 --> 00:21:53,394 We've only been one week in of a good time. 561 00:21:53,553 --> 00:21:55,980 We had three, four weeks of a bad time. 562 00:21:56,064 --> 00:21:57,898 So, it's still-- 563 00:21:58,058 --> 00:21:59,558 - It's still new. - Still new. 564 00:21:59,651 --> 00:22:01,319 - And that's fine. 565 00:22:01,478 --> 00:22:03,729 But you guys only have three weeks to decide 566 00:22:03,822 --> 00:22:06,490 whether you're going to stay married or get a divorce. 567 00:22:06,575 --> 00:22:09,994 And you have to know who this person is that you're marrying. 568 00:22:10,153 --> 00:22:11,820 ♪ ♪ 569 00:22:11,913 --> 00:22:13,664 Why do you think we matched you guys? 570 00:22:13,749 --> 00:22:17,335 - Uh, I can tell we're both goofy. 571 00:22:17,419 --> 00:22:20,588 [chuckles] We both like a challenge. 572 00:22:20,672 --> 00:22:23,507 We both are ambitious. 573 00:22:23,592 --> 00:22:25,751 We both are strong-headed. 574 00:22:25,844 --> 00:22:28,346 [chuckles] 575 00:22:28,505 --> 00:22:30,514 - So, what are some of the questions that you have 576 00:22:30,673 --> 00:22:33,184 that maybe are unanswered about Zack? 577 00:22:33,268 --> 00:22:35,603 Can you think of anything? 578 00:22:35,762 --> 00:22:38,180 - I guess what I'm wondering is 579 00:22:38,273 --> 00:22:40,274 the actual picture of marriage he had. 580 00:22:40,359 --> 00:22:41,266 - Mm. 581 00:22:41,351 --> 00:22:43,352 - What did that look like for him? 582 00:22:43,445 --> 00:22:45,437 Because he says how badly he wanted this marriage. 583 00:22:45,522 --> 00:22:46,864 - I remember. Yeah. 584 00:22:46,948 --> 00:22:48,273 - What did that look like? 585 00:22:48,367 --> 00:22:50,034 - That's an awesome question, 586 00:22:50,193 --> 00:22:53,695 because quite often, we judge our marriages 587 00:22:53,789 --> 00:22:56,957 by this often unrealistic picture 588 00:22:57,117 --> 00:22:59,368 of what we think marriage ought to be. 589 00:22:59,461 --> 00:23:01,203 What are you expecting from your relationship? 590 00:23:01,287 --> 00:23:03,956 And what do-- What do you want from him? 591 00:23:04,040 --> 00:23:05,549 - I want him to be happy. 592 00:23:05,708 --> 00:23:07,960 - Why is that a request? Tell me more about that. 593 00:23:08,044 --> 00:23:12,714 - Because if he's not happy, it does--it kind of affects me, 594 00:23:12,799 --> 00:23:14,558 because I live with you. You're my partner. 595 00:23:14,717 --> 00:23:16,635 And I don't need that happiness coming from me. 596 00:23:16,719 --> 00:23:18,470 I don't want to be the source of that happiness, 597 00:23:18,563 --> 00:23:20,981 because if I disappear, you know, in any kind of way, 598 00:23:21,141 --> 00:23:24,318 I'd hate for you to be unhappy. I want you to be happy, period. 599 00:23:24,477 --> 00:23:27,071 - Is it possible that maybe 600 00:23:27,230 --> 00:23:29,407 a lot of his happiness can come from you? 601 00:23:29,491 --> 00:23:31,659 - That's just a lot of responsibility, 602 00:23:31,743 --> 00:23:36,155 to be responsible for another grown person's happiness. 603 00:23:36,239 --> 00:23:38,323 - Okay, but this is your husband. 604 00:23:38,408 --> 00:23:40,584 - True. - And you are his wife. 605 00:23:40,743 --> 00:23:42,744 And people have this idea that all your happiness 606 00:23:42,829 --> 00:23:44,588 has to be self-generated. 607 00:23:44,747 --> 00:23:46,498 You know, "I need you to be a happy person, 608 00:23:46,591 --> 00:23:48,417 "and I can be a happy person. We can be happy together. 609 00:23:48,510 --> 00:23:51,178 And, hey!" And that sounds good, right? 610 00:23:51,263 --> 00:23:53,431 I'm not responsible for my wife's happiness. 611 00:23:53,590 --> 00:23:54,682 - Mm-hmm. 612 00:23:54,841 --> 00:23:56,925 - But for me to say that I'm not contributing 613 00:23:57,018 --> 00:24:00,095 to her happiness-- No, that's crazy. 614 00:24:00,180 --> 00:24:02,848 ♪ ♪ 615 00:24:02,941 --> 00:24:04,933 - I think we're both just taking it day-by-day, 616 00:24:05,026 --> 00:24:07,186 step-by-step, and trying to get better. 617 00:24:07,279 --> 00:24:09,196 But, he's complicated. 618 00:24:09,281 --> 00:24:12,858 And he's--you know, in whatever, you know, 619 00:24:12,951 --> 00:24:14,776 state of unhappiness he's in, 620 00:24:14,861 --> 00:24:17,621 or funk, or dissatisfaction, or whatever, 621 00:24:17,706 --> 00:24:20,616 I'm not 100% sure what's going on. 622 00:24:20,709 --> 00:24:23,702 I know happy Zack, and I see not-so-happy Zack, 623 00:24:23,795 --> 00:24:26,038 and I want him to be happy. 624 00:24:26,131 --> 00:24:28,540 - What can be done 625 00:24:28,633 --> 00:24:32,970 to create a safe place for happy Zack to return? 626 00:24:33,129 --> 00:24:34,221 - Mm-hmm. 627 00:24:34,306 --> 00:24:35,881 - I mean, is that something, do you think, 628 00:24:35,965 --> 00:24:37,558 that you might want to know? 629 00:24:37,642 --> 00:24:39,134 Because, I mean, you were saying 630 00:24:39,227 --> 00:24:41,979 you want to know how to get to happy Zack. 631 00:24:42,063 --> 00:24:44,389 - I want Zack to know how to get to happy Zack. 632 00:24:44,483 --> 00:24:48,486 - Absolutely. But you have to be a participating party. 633 00:24:48,570 --> 00:24:50,654 - Yes. Mm-hmm. 634 00:24:50,813 --> 00:24:52,898 - He can't get there without you. I mean, you're married. 635 00:24:52,991 --> 00:24:55,067 Look, this is not about him getting places on his own. 636 00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:56,494 You gotta work like hell 637 00:24:56,578 --> 00:24:58,487 to make sure that it becomes what you want it to be. 638 00:24:58,580 --> 00:25:00,581 And that ball is in both of your courts. 639 00:25:00,740 --> 00:25:03,083 - Yeah. - If you want to be 640 00:25:03,168 --> 00:25:06,170 long-term, married to Zack, then you can be. 641 00:25:06,329 --> 00:25:08,163 ♪ ♪ 642 00:25:08,256 --> 00:25:10,508 Do you want this more than you don't want it? 643 00:25:10,667 --> 00:25:14,670 ♪ ♪ 644 00:25:14,763 --> 00:25:16,514 - You know, we get told just, you know, 645 00:25:16,598 --> 00:25:18,173 kind of what's going on. - Mm-hmm. 646 00:25:18,266 --> 00:25:20,342 - But I don't get to talk to you about it. 647 00:25:20,426 --> 00:25:21,685 - Yeah. 648 00:25:21,770 --> 00:25:24,012 - So, tell me what you think of your marriage so far. 649 00:25:24,105 --> 00:25:26,440 - So, we started off doing really good. 650 00:25:26,599 --> 00:25:28,192 And then, some things have happened. 651 00:25:28,276 --> 00:25:30,528 Then, we kind of worked through issues, and-- 652 00:25:30,687 --> 00:25:32,938 To where we are today, which is a good spot. 653 00:25:33,031 --> 00:25:35,524 But, to me, it seems like it's, like, a choice, right? 654 00:25:35,608 --> 00:25:38,702 Like, if I apply these rules or these methods, 655 00:25:38,787 --> 00:25:41,530 then, you know, this could work out, no matter what. 656 00:25:41,614 --> 00:25:43,615 It's missing the element of just, like, 657 00:25:43,700 --> 00:25:45,376 meant to be, as opposed to, like, 658 00:25:45,535 --> 00:25:47,711 you're actively choosing this marriage to work. 659 00:25:47,870 --> 00:25:49,204 ♪ ♪ 660 00:25:49,289 --> 00:25:51,540 That's why I go back and forth between I'm happy now, 661 00:25:51,624 --> 00:25:55,294 but then hold on, am I, like, really just convincing myself? 662 00:25:55,387 --> 00:25:57,796 I don't know. It's just--it's a very difficult situation. 663 00:25:57,889 --> 00:26:00,641 - I understand. And I think those are profound questions. 664 00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:02,718 I really do. I don't think-- 665 00:26:02,802 --> 00:26:04,061 - Yeah. - I have to tell you, honestly, 666 00:26:04,145 --> 00:26:07,731 from who I am--I don't think things were meant to be. 667 00:26:07,890 --> 00:26:09,975 ♪ ♪ 668 00:26:10,059 --> 00:26:13,153 I think things are opportunities. 669 00:26:13,313 --> 00:26:15,647 And so, what we did is pick a woman 670 00:26:15,732 --> 00:26:17,908 that we think is very good for you. 671 00:26:18,067 --> 00:26:19,743 - Mm-hmm. - I mean, 672 00:26:19,828 --> 00:26:22,904 not only is she attractive and successful and smart, 673 00:26:22,989 --> 00:26:25,073 she has a lot of heart. - Yeah, no, I see all that. 674 00:26:25,166 --> 00:26:26,417 I definitely see why we were matched. 675 00:26:26,501 --> 00:26:28,502 - And so, if you're lucky enough 676 00:26:28,661 --> 00:26:30,504 to get these raw materials-- - Mm-hmm. 677 00:26:30,663 --> 00:26:32,506 - You get this opportunity-- - Yeah. 678 00:26:32,665 --> 00:26:34,499 - Then, to get the traction 679 00:26:34,584 --> 00:26:37,595 to make them sing and grow and be better. 680 00:26:37,754 --> 00:26:39,096 - Yeah. 681 00:26:39,255 --> 00:26:43,100 - So, what answers do you need to say yes on Decision Day? 682 00:26:43,259 --> 00:26:44,426 ♪ ♪ 683 00:26:44,519 --> 00:26:46,520 - It is as simple as just, like-- 684 00:26:46,605 --> 00:26:47,596 The last week has been amazing, 685 00:26:47,689 --> 00:26:51,600 so just hanging out, going on dates. 686 00:26:51,684 --> 00:26:54,936 If we can--if we can continue that and this, 687 00:26:55,021 --> 00:26:57,364 then I think that's all I need. 688 00:26:57,523 --> 00:26:59,608 And if we keep this up, then I am-- 689 00:26:59,701 --> 00:27:02,611 I am optimistic for the future. 690 00:27:02,695 --> 00:27:05,030 - Well, I think that's wonderful. I do. 691 00:27:05,114 --> 00:27:08,125 But there--but there are a few things that I think we've seen 692 00:27:08,209 --> 00:27:11,128 that maybe you want to get some direction on from her. 693 00:27:11,287 --> 00:27:12,954 - Yeah. - You know, one of them 694 00:27:13,039 --> 00:27:18,960 was just maybe how you can make her feel more secure, 695 00:27:19,054 --> 00:27:21,221 to bring the best out in her. - Yeah. 696 00:27:21,306 --> 00:27:25,893 - Insecurity in relationship never--never does good stuff. 697 00:27:26,052 --> 00:27:27,978 - That is very important to me, 698 00:27:28,063 --> 00:27:29,813 'cause I want her to be herself, right? 699 00:27:29,972 --> 00:27:32,900 I don't want her to be tiptoeing around 700 00:27:32,984 --> 00:27:34,818 who she really is, just because she's scared 701 00:27:34,977 --> 00:27:37,062 that if she says something, that I'm gonna, 702 00:27:37,155 --> 00:27:39,147 you know, change my mind or something like that. 703 00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:40,991 So, I'm definitely gonna talk to her about that. 704 00:27:41,150 --> 00:27:43,077 ♪ ♪ 705 00:27:43,161 --> 00:27:44,995 - With any conversation, 706 00:27:45,154 --> 00:27:48,657 the first thing is to try to avoid extreme terms. 707 00:27:48,741 --> 00:27:49,825 - Mm-hmm. 708 00:27:49,918 --> 00:27:52,411 - And always to ask questions. 709 00:27:52,504 --> 00:27:56,006 Questions are just always the right thing to reach for. 710 00:27:56,091 --> 00:28:00,085 - Yeah. I'm thinking back to, like, all of our disagreements, 711 00:28:00,178 --> 00:28:02,596 and I'm wondering if I-- 712 00:28:02,681 --> 00:28:04,506 Did I always ask the right questions? 713 00:28:04,599 --> 00:28:07,017 I don't think I did all the time. 714 00:28:07,176 --> 00:28:10,270 ♪ ♪ 715 00:28:10,355 --> 00:28:13,357 And I'm getting sad, because, like... 716 00:28:13,516 --> 00:28:20,364 ♪ ♪ 717 00:28:25,620 --> 00:28:27,204 What the? [sobbing softly] 718 00:28:27,363 --> 00:28:29,540 ♪ ♪ 719 00:28:29,624 --> 00:28:33,368 Like, I realize... 720 00:28:33,453 --> 00:28:35,212 I'm--I'm a perfectionist, 721 00:28:35,371 --> 00:28:39,049 and so, like, nothing I ever do in life is good enough. 722 00:28:39,208 --> 00:28:44,304 ♪ ♪ 723 00:28:44,464 --> 00:28:46,390 - Oh, Zack. - And so-- 724 00:28:46,549 --> 00:28:48,300 ♪ ♪ 725 00:28:48,384 --> 00:28:50,978 And so, I put that on other people, 726 00:28:51,062 --> 00:28:55,482 including putting it on my, like-- 727 00:28:55,641 --> 00:28:58,068 My wife, and it's not fair. 728 00:28:58,227 --> 00:29:01,646 ♪ ♪ 729 00:29:01,731 --> 00:29:03,657 Like, Michaela's an amazing person. 730 00:29:03,816 --> 00:29:06,660 Like, she's not a bad person at all. 731 00:29:06,819 --> 00:29:08,236 It's just, like, I have this [bleep] view 732 00:29:08,329 --> 00:29:09,821 that, like, things have to be perfect, 733 00:29:09,914 --> 00:29:13,492 and, like, no matter what I do in life, it's not good enough. 734 00:29:13,585 --> 00:29:15,243 I have to get away from that. 735 00:29:15,328 --> 00:29:17,746 ♪ ♪ 736 00:29:17,830 --> 00:29:20,007 But it's got me to where I am today, but I don't know. 737 00:29:20,091 --> 00:29:22,426 Like, I can't have that mindset in a relationship. 738 00:29:22,585 --> 00:29:23,761 I can't. 739 00:29:23,920 --> 00:29:25,846 ♪ ♪ 740 00:29:25,930 --> 00:29:27,765 I can't. It's just not gonna work. 741 00:29:27,924 --> 00:29:30,342 ♪ ♪ 742 00:29:30,426 --> 00:29:33,103 - It's a really great way to undermine your happiness... 743 00:29:33,262 --> 00:29:34,596 - Yeah. 744 00:29:34,689 --> 00:29:38,609 - And someone else's happiness, if only perfect will do. 745 00:29:38,768 --> 00:29:40,277 ♪ ♪ 746 00:29:40,361 --> 00:29:43,113 - I don't know. I don't know. 747 00:29:43,272 --> 00:29:45,073 ♪ ♪ 748 00:29:49,028 --> 00:29:51,622 - ♪ People make mistakes, we are human ♪ 749 00:29:51,706 --> 00:29:54,374 ♪ But, honey, it was fate letting you in ♪ 750 00:29:54,459 --> 00:29:55,951 ♪ I'm facing all the music now ♪ 751 00:29:56,044 --> 00:29:59,797 - I just finished talking to Dr. Pepper. 752 00:29:59,881 --> 00:30:02,633 And I'm excited to see my husband, 753 00:30:02,792 --> 00:30:04,793 because he just finished to Pastor Cal, 754 00:30:04,877 --> 00:30:08,547 and I think he's gonna, like, tell my husband, like, 755 00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:12,142 "Oh, you need to treat your wife like a princess." 756 00:30:12,301 --> 00:30:14,970 But my husband already treats me like a princess, 757 00:30:15,054 --> 00:30:16,730 so I'm really actually curious to see 758 00:30:16,815 --> 00:30:18,557 what he talked about with Pastor Cal. 759 00:30:18,641 --> 00:30:21,235 ♪ ♪ 760 00:30:21,319 --> 00:30:23,061 - What's up, baby? 761 00:30:23,145 --> 00:30:25,989 Right here. [chair skids] 762 00:30:26,148 --> 00:30:27,399 Come on. 763 00:30:27,483 --> 00:30:28,567 - Oh, okay. 764 00:30:28,651 --> 00:30:31,570 ♪ ♪ 765 00:30:31,654 --> 00:30:32,821 - You good? 766 00:30:32,905 --> 00:30:34,915 ♪ ♪ 767 00:30:34,999 --> 00:30:37,584 Come on. Have a seat. 768 00:30:37,743 --> 00:30:39,661 - What a gentleman. 769 00:30:39,745 --> 00:30:40,912 - There you go. 770 00:30:40,997 --> 00:30:43,674 ♪ ♪ 771 00:30:43,758 --> 00:30:45,676 [chuckles] 772 00:30:45,760 --> 00:30:48,086 - Why are you laughing at me? - 'Cause. 773 00:30:48,170 --> 00:30:50,922 ♪ ♪ 774 00:30:51,007 --> 00:30:52,599 How'd it go? 775 00:30:52,684 --> 00:30:54,426 - It was pretty easy. 776 00:30:54,519 --> 00:30:56,261 - Well, yeah, I didn't think it was gonna be hard. 777 00:30:56,354 --> 00:30:58,096 - I know. I didn't think it was gonna be hard either. 778 00:30:58,180 --> 00:30:59,848 I thought it was gonna be boring, to be honest. 779 00:30:59,932 --> 00:31:01,692 - And was it? - It actually was not boring. 780 00:31:01,851 --> 00:31:03,944 - Okay. So, there's a couple questions, 781 00:31:04,028 --> 00:31:05,028 basically, I want to ask you. 782 00:31:05,113 --> 00:31:06,688 I want to see how you respond to them. 783 00:31:06,772 --> 00:31:10,275 They all have to relate towards, um, 784 00:31:10,368 --> 00:31:13,945 Miss Little Debbie Downer that you can be sometimes. 785 00:31:14,030 --> 00:31:16,623 When you get like that, 786 00:31:16,708 --> 00:31:20,544 the problem for me is 787 00:31:20,703 --> 00:31:23,622 if my mood start to change 'cause of it. 788 00:31:23,715 --> 00:31:26,124 And I don't like that. 789 00:31:26,217 --> 00:31:31,379 So, I definitely want to know why you've gotten like that. 790 00:31:31,464 --> 00:31:34,549 - A lot of times, it's because of my introvert-ness. 791 00:31:34,634 --> 00:31:36,143 Like, I'm done with people, 792 00:31:36,227 --> 00:31:37,811 my husband's not done with people. 793 00:31:37,896 --> 00:31:41,648 Or if I am in a situation where I'm uncomfortable or not happy, 794 00:31:41,733 --> 00:31:43,975 that makes me moody and needy. 795 00:31:44,060 --> 00:31:46,811 ♪ ♪ 796 00:31:46,905 --> 00:31:51,658 - If that's the case, when you're in your mood, 797 00:31:51,743 --> 00:31:57,322 what can I do to be a buffer? 798 00:31:57,406 --> 00:31:58,832 - What you already do, though. 799 00:31:58,917 --> 00:32:01,743 - Which is what? - You make me laugh. 800 00:32:01,836 --> 00:32:04,162 You make me, like, get off subject, 801 00:32:04,246 --> 00:32:05,923 and you take my mind off of it. 802 00:32:06,007 --> 00:32:08,166 And, to me, that, like, is everything. 803 00:32:08,250 --> 00:32:09,676 - Okay. 804 00:32:09,761 --> 00:32:12,837 - Like, finding some, like, source of, like, distraction. 805 00:32:12,922 --> 00:32:13,838 That's what. 806 00:32:13,923 --> 00:32:15,924 ♪ ♪ 807 00:32:16,008 --> 00:32:19,686 So, when I get in my moods, 808 00:32:19,771 --> 00:32:22,347 what would be helpful for you? 809 00:32:22,431 --> 00:32:23,690 Like, what can I do better? 810 00:32:23,775 --> 00:32:25,266 - Not to get in them. 811 00:32:25,351 --> 00:32:27,444 ♪ ♪ 812 00:32:27,603 --> 00:32:29,279 Case closed! What are you talking about? 813 00:32:29,438 --> 00:32:31,022 - But what if I get in them? - Okay. 814 00:32:31,107 --> 00:32:32,950 - And what's better? 815 00:32:33,034 --> 00:32:35,619 - I feel like you should be considerate 816 00:32:35,703 --> 00:32:38,780 of other people around you when you get like that. 817 00:32:38,864 --> 00:32:39,706 - Okay. - Like, I understand 818 00:32:39,865 --> 00:32:42,534 you're upset, but... 819 00:32:42,627 --> 00:32:46,463 is it really that important to be--to get like that? 820 00:32:46,547 --> 00:32:50,375 And if it is, try not to affect others. 821 00:32:50,459 --> 00:32:52,886 ♪ ♪ 822 00:32:53,045 --> 00:32:55,463 Actually, you know what you can do in that--at that moment? 823 00:32:55,556 --> 00:32:56,640 It would probably help you out too. 824 00:32:56,799 --> 00:32:57,716 - Hmm? 825 00:32:57,800 --> 00:32:59,718 - Um, just be more affectionate. 826 00:32:59,811 --> 00:33:00,719 - Really? 827 00:33:00,812 --> 00:33:02,813 ♪ ♪ 828 00:33:02,897 --> 00:33:04,064 - 'Cause I think that will get you-- 829 00:33:04,148 --> 00:33:05,732 - More than what I am already? - No, no, no. 830 00:33:05,817 --> 00:33:09,236 [sighs] - [laughs] 831 00:33:09,320 --> 00:33:10,821 - What are you talking about? 832 00:33:10,905 --> 00:33:13,064 Anyways, I feel like 833 00:33:13,149 --> 00:33:16,735 it's hard to be affectionate when you're cranky. 834 00:33:16,828 --> 00:33:18,570 - Yeah, I don't think it's hard to be affectionate 835 00:33:18,654 --> 00:33:19,821 when I'm cranky. - No, no, no. 836 00:33:19,905 --> 00:33:21,656 'Cause you won't be affectionate at that time, 837 00:33:21,749 --> 00:33:22,666 'cause you will be moody, right? 838 00:33:22,825 --> 00:33:23,742 - Mm. 839 00:33:23,826 --> 00:33:25,168 - So, if you became affectionate, 840 00:33:25,253 --> 00:33:26,837 that'll get your mind off of it. 841 00:33:26,996 --> 00:33:28,505 - So, if I'm moody, like, don't just stop 842 00:33:28,664 --> 00:33:30,507 being affectionate. Like, be more affectionate. 843 00:33:30,666 --> 00:33:32,592 - Exactly. Just come over and give me a hug. 844 00:33:32,677 --> 00:33:34,011 - Hmm. 845 00:33:34,095 --> 00:33:36,596 - 'Cause that'll completely change your demeanor. 846 00:33:36,756 --> 00:33:39,424 You like that? - Yeah. 847 00:33:39,508 --> 00:33:42,343 ♪ ♪ 848 00:33:42,428 --> 00:33:45,105 [laughter] 849 00:33:45,264 --> 00:33:46,773 - ♪ Just feeling good ♪ 850 00:33:46,858 --> 00:33:48,525 ♪ Now reach for the sun ♪ 851 00:33:48,609 --> 00:33:50,685 ♪ Can't be hard, just one by one ♪ 852 00:33:50,770 --> 00:33:54,022 - Just left my meeting with Dr. Pepper. 853 00:33:54,106 --> 00:33:56,450 I'm pretty confident that our marriage 854 00:33:56,609 --> 00:33:58,035 could weather anything. 855 00:33:58,119 --> 00:34:00,954 It's early on, so I still need time to be able to say that, 856 00:34:01,113 --> 00:34:02,363 but I think we can. 857 00:34:02,448 --> 00:34:03,957 ♪ ♪ 858 00:34:04,116 --> 00:34:05,876 - ♪ Just feeling good ♪ 859 00:34:05,960 --> 00:34:08,536 - [sighs] - You're right in the sun. 860 00:34:08,629 --> 00:34:09,880 - I know. That's what I wanted. 861 00:34:09,964 --> 00:34:11,298 - I'm glad you picked that seat, 862 00:34:11,382 --> 00:34:13,124 'cause I would have asked you to switch if I sat down. 863 00:34:13,217 --> 00:34:15,218 [laughter] 864 00:34:15,377 --> 00:34:16,878 So, how was your meeting with Pastor Cal? 865 00:34:16,962 --> 00:34:18,296 - It was really good. Really productive. 866 00:34:18,389 --> 00:34:19,806 I love talking to him. 867 00:34:19,891 --> 00:34:21,382 How was your meeting with Dr. Pepper? 868 00:34:21,467 --> 00:34:22,642 - Same. It was really good. - Yeah? 869 00:34:22,727 --> 00:34:24,895 - Add another moment where I cried on the list. 870 00:34:24,979 --> 00:34:27,397 - Really? What happened? - Yeah. 871 00:34:27,482 --> 00:34:29,474 You know, I realized why a lot of my relationships 872 00:34:29,567 --> 00:34:31,810 don't work out is because, like, I'm a perfectionist. 873 00:34:31,894 --> 00:34:35,146 Nothing I do in life, I think, is good enough. 874 00:34:35,231 --> 00:34:37,908 And I kind of transfer that over to, like, you, 875 00:34:37,992 --> 00:34:39,818 you know what I mean, which doesn't help anything. 876 00:34:39,902 --> 00:34:42,412 And so, it was, like, a breakthrough moment, 877 00:34:42,497 --> 00:34:44,322 because I learned a lot about myself. 878 00:34:44,406 --> 00:34:46,166 Definitely learned a lot about, like, how to make 879 00:34:46,250 --> 00:34:48,085 our relationship better. 880 00:34:48,169 --> 00:34:51,246 You know, having this ideal person in my head-- 881 00:34:51,330 --> 00:34:53,173 And I know no one can ever live up to it, 882 00:34:53,332 --> 00:34:55,092 and I don't expect anyone to. 883 00:34:55,176 --> 00:34:57,844 But for some reason, like, I'm still gonna try. 884 00:34:57,929 --> 00:34:59,838 I don't know, it's just weird. 885 00:34:59,931 --> 00:35:01,598 'Cause I think that's how I am in, like, life-- 886 00:35:01,682 --> 00:35:04,509 Like, with school, work. 887 00:35:04,593 --> 00:35:07,187 But if I don't make a change and take this opportunity, 888 00:35:07,271 --> 00:35:09,264 then I can be alone for a long time, 889 00:35:09,348 --> 00:35:11,182 and that's not what I want. 890 00:35:11,275 --> 00:35:14,361 What was one of the questions you have to ask me? 891 00:35:14,445 --> 00:35:17,364 - I know you--you said you wanted marriage. 892 00:35:17,448 --> 00:35:18,698 What did marriage look like for you? 893 00:35:18,783 --> 00:35:21,368 What did being with your wife look like for you? 894 00:35:21,452 --> 00:35:23,537 - I always go back to this one image, 895 00:35:23,621 --> 00:35:25,956 where it's me and my wife in our house, 896 00:35:26,115 --> 00:35:27,624 listening to music, making breakfast, 897 00:35:27,708 --> 00:35:29,284 with our kids running around, playing around. 898 00:35:29,377 --> 00:35:31,878 To me, that's what I envision. 899 00:35:31,963 --> 00:35:34,714 And, to me, that's being ultimately happy. 900 00:35:34,874 --> 00:35:38,293 I built something with someone that made me a better person, 901 00:35:38,377 --> 00:35:40,303 whom I made a better person, 902 00:35:40,388 --> 00:35:42,305 someone whom I love unconditionally, 903 00:35:42,390 --> 00:35:43,298 and she love me back. 904 00:35:43,382 --> 00:35:44,808 So, when I think about marriage, 905 00:35:44,892 --> 00:35:47,719 it's something who just makes me feel unbelievable happy. 906 00:35:47,803 --> 00:35:49,971 ♪ ♪ 907 00:35:50,064 --> 00:35:51,815 - When I think about marriage, 908 00:35:51,899 --> 00:35:53,141 the marriage that I would want to be in, 909 00:35:53,225 --> 00:35:57,154 it's romantic, and that we're, like, partners. 910 00:35:57,313 --> 00:36:01,232 Like, we both have some type of goal in mind 911 00:36:01,325 --> 00:36:03,577 for our union. 912 00:36:03,661 --> 00:36:06,413 We're aiming for something, something large. 913 00:36:06,497 --> 00:36:10,325 So, what do you think the goals are for this marriage? 914 00:36:10,409 --> 00:36:12,335 - Continue to get to know each other. 915 00:36:12,494 --> 00:36:13,828 Do things together. Talk to each other. 916 00:36:13,913 --> 00:36:17,090 I think that it's gonna help me get to 917 00:36:17,249 --> 00:36:18,833 where we both want to be, 918 00:36:18,918 --> 00:36:21,094 which is, we both see a future. 919 00:36:21,253 --> 00:36:25,089 - You know, I hear you. 920 00:36:25,174 --> 00:36:26,674 - Mm-hmm. 921 00:36:26,759 --> 00:36:31,679 - But I really do wish that I could shake 922 00:36:31,764 --> 00:36:34,265 whatever this hesitation is that's inside of me, 923 00:36:34,350 --> 00:36:37,694 you know, shake this guard that I have up. 924 00:36:37,853 --> 00:36:39,103 - So, you still have a guard up right now? 925 00:36:39,188 --> 00:36:39,946 - Mm-hmm. 926 00:36:40,031 --> 00:36:42,440 - I couldn't tell. - Yeah. 927 00:36:42,524 --> 00:36:46,194 - Well, how can I make you feel more secure in our marriage, 928 00:36:46,278 --> 00:36:48,613 meaning you know I won't run away at the next conflict 929 00:36:48,697 --> 00:36:51,625 or next, whatever big thing? 930 00:36:51,709 --> 00:36:54,628 - I think your words and your actions mean a lot to me. 931 00:36:54,787 --> 00:36:55,954 - Just that? - Yeah. 932 00:36:56,038 --> 00:36:58,456 - Just being cognizant of my words and actions? 933 00:36:58,540 --> 00:37:00,467 - Mm-hmm. 934 00:37:00,551 --> 00:37:04,295 I don't really know what words you can--you can say. 935 00:37:04,380 --> 00:37:06,297 I just have this overwhelming sense 936 00:37:06,382 --> 00:37:10,051 that, like, you're not really 937 00:37:10,135 --> 00:37:13,730 in the belief that this would be a long-term thing. 938 00:37:13,814 --> 00:37:16,808 I can't honestly say that I'm like, 939 00:37:16,901 --> 00:37:19,227 "Oh, well, our future looks like this," you know? 940 00:37:19,311 --> 00:37:20,228 - Yeah. 941 00:37:20,321 --> 00:37:21,488 - I used to be able to say that, 942 00:37:21,572 --> 00:37:23,573 but now I'm just kind of, like, eh, you know, 943 00:37:23,732 --> 00:37:26,993 'cause I don't feel like you feel that way. 944 00:37:27,078 --> 00:37:28,319 I want to feel that way. 945 00:37:28,404 --> 00:37:31,081 I want to be able to talk about future and kids 946 00:37:31,165 --> 00:37:33,250 and what we're--you know, where we're gonna move 947 00:37:33,334 --> 00:37:34,325 in the next four weeks. - Yeah. 948 00:37:34,410 --> 00:37:37,161 - What does that look like for us? 949 00:37:37,246 --> 00:37:39,089 - I mean, my main goal is to-- 950 00:37:39,173 --> 00:37:40,748 To do whatever I can to make this work. 951 00:37:40,833 --> 00:37:42,509 - ♪ Unchain, oh, yeah ♪ 952 00:37:42,593 --> 00:37:44,261 ♪ Unchain my heart, I said, unchain ♪ 953 00:37:48,173 --> 00:37:51,092 - ♪ Look around so you remember ♪ 954 00:37:51,176 --> 00:37:54,688 ♪ What your world was like before we came ♪ 955 00:37:54,772 --> 00:37:56,514 - So, Bao meets with Pastor Cal today 956 00:37:56,598 --> 00:37:58,858 and I meet with Dr. Pepper. 957 00:37:58,943 --> 00:38:00,518 At this point, I'm really not even worried 958 00:38:00,602 --> 00:38:02,279 about what Bao's gonna say. 959 00:38:02,438 --> 00:38:04,281 We had a really tough session last week. 960 00:38:04,440 --> 00:38:05,690 I wasn't ready to talk to him then, 961 00:38:05,783 --> 00:38:08,118 but today I think I'm ready to talk to Dr. Pepper, 962 00:38:08,202 --> 00:38:11,029 and she should be ready to talk to Pastor Cal. 963 00:38:11,113 --> 00:38:14,374 ♪ ♪ 964 00:38:14,458 --> 00:38:16,209 - Hi. - Hi. 965 00:38:16,294 --> 00:38:18,119 - Hi, Pastor Cal. - Hi, Bao. 966 00:38:18,203 --> 00:38:20,288 How are you, hon? - I'm good. 967 00:38:20,372 --> 00:38:23,207 - Dr. Pepper. [sighs] 968 00:38:23,301 --> 00:38:25,218 - I'm glad to see you. 969 00:38:25,303 --> 00:38:27,554 - How are you? - I'm good. 970 00:38:27,638 --> 00:38:29,630 I gather it's been a little rough for you. 971 00:38:29,715 --> 00:38:32,550 - It has. Yeah. 972 00:38:32,643 --> 00:38:34,227 I feel like, with her, 973 00:38:34,312 --> 00:38:35,970 I'm somebody that I don't want to be. 974 00:38:36,055 --> 00:38:38,898 ♪ ♪ 975 00:38:38,983 --> 00:38:40,141 I don't know anymore. 976 00:38:40,234 --> 00:38:41,318 Like, we have these arguments, 977 00:38:41,402 --> 00:38:43,144 and they're not constructive arguments, 978 00:38:43,228 --> 00:38:45,730 because we don't argue well. 979 00:38:45,814 --> 00:38:47,565 - But isn't that something we have to change? 980 00:38:47,649 --> 00:38:49,567 Isn't there something we need to learn here? 981 00:38:49,651 --> 00:38:53,663 ♪ ♪ 982 00:38:53,822 --> 00:38:55,406 - Ooh. 983 00:38:55,491 --> 00:38:58,418 - I don't want you to feel that 984 00:38:58,502 --> 00:39:02,747 your best self didn't triumph over the things you regret. 985 00:39:02,840 --> 00:39:06,918 You've said things that you need to apologize for, 986 00:39:07,011 --> 00:39:10,680 and learn a new way of dealing with your anger 987 00:39:10,839 --> 00:39:13,841 or disappointment, that you can be proud of. 988 00:39:13,926 --> 00:39:15,852 - Yeah. 989 00:39:15,936 --> 00:39:18,596 - You can say, "I'm angry. I hate that. 990 00:39:18,689 --> 00:39:23,017 When you're like that, I feel distant and unloving," 991 00:39:23,102 --> 00:39:26,488 but not things that nobody can grow from or change. 992 00:39:30,692 --> 00:39:35,029 - I want you guys to be able to talk through differences, 993 00:39:35,114 --> 00:39:37,457 to not get to standstills. 994 00:39:37,541 --> 00:39:39,709 What can you together to fix it 995 00:39:39,794 --> 00:39:41,628 and try and be proud of yourselves 996 00:39:41,712 --> 00:39:44,214 that you can do that? 997 00:39:44,298 --> 00:39:47,550 You need to be sure that you are making the right decision 998 00:39:47,635 --> 00:39:49,127 on Decision Day. 999 00:39:49,211 --> 00:39:52,055 So, a question you might want to ask her is, 1000 00:39:52,214 --> 00:39:56,467 "I'm thinking of these new ways of communicating. 1001 00:39:56,560 --> 00:39:58,970 Will you be willing to work with me on them?" 1002 00:39:59,063 --> 00:40:01,806 ♪ ♪ 1003 00:40:01,890 --> 00:40:06,394 Put yourself in a circumstance to be who you want to be. 1004 00:40:06,478 --> 00:40:07,645 - Whenever we have problems, 1005 00:40:07,729 --> 00:40:09,239 I don't try to fix the problems. 1006 00:40:09,398 --> 00:40:11,983 I try to fix what is the source of the problems. 1007 00:40:12,067 --> 00:40:13,985 And I've felt like the problems that we have are 1008 00:40:14,078 --> 00:40:16,320 trust, communication, 1009 00:40:16,405 --> 00:40:19,499 and we don't have a foundation of friendship. 1010 00:40:19,583 --> 00:40:21,909 It feels like we're constantly arguing about the truth, 1011 00:40:21,994 --> 00:40:26,506 and it's because perception is reality. 1012 00:40:26,590 --> 00:40:29,500 I'm starting to feel like we are living the same life, 1013 00:40:29,585 --> 00:40:33,754 but we're seeing things completely differently. 1014 00:40:33,848 --> 00:40:36,766 - There is no truth about perspective. 1015 00:40:36,851 --> 00:40:39,853 We do the best we can with the information available. 1016 00:40:39,937 --> 00:40:41,762 We take in information differently 1017 00:40:41,847 --> 00:40:44,182 and we think we're speaking the truth, 1018 00:40:44,266 --> 00:40:46,517 but we're speaking our perspective. 1019 00:40:46,610 --> 00:40:48,519 I think you guys have to get away from winning, 1020 00:40:48,612 --> 00:40:50,188 keeping scores. 1021 00:40:50,272 --> 00:40:52,023 - Yeah. 1022 00:40:52,116 --> 00:40:55,118 - We still feel like there's so much you guys have. 1023 00:40:55,202 --> 00:40:57,954 And if it's learning how to talk to each other, 1024 00:40:58,113 --> 00:41:00,540 I still think there's room for doing that. 1025 00:41:00,624 --> 00:41:02,450 - Yeah. - I think the two of you 1026 00:41:02,543 --> 00:41:05,211 need structure for your conversations, 1027 00:41:05,370 --> 00:41:09,874 and also for what is not working, without getting mean. 1028 00:41:09,958 --> 00:41:13,377 ♪ ♪ 1029 00:41:13,462 --> 00:41:15,221 - I'm getting a lot from you-- A lot of ideas 1030 00:41:15,380 --> 00:41:17,298 that I want to implement. 1031 00:41:17,382 --> 00:41:19,267 I would love to do them, and I just need to get... 1032 00:41:20,969 --> 00:41:23,471 - ♪ You can start again ♪ 1033 00:41:23,555 --> 00:41:25,556 ♪ You can start again, oh ♪ 1034 00:41:25,641 --> 00:41:28,059 ♪ ♪ 1035 00:41:28,152 --> 00:41:29,903 - Today, Johnny and I are meeting with the experts, 1036 00:41:30,062 --> 00:41:33,231 and I am feeling... 1037 00:41:33,315 --> 00:41:37,076 checked out of my marriage. 1038 00:41:37,161 --> 00:41:40,330 From my end, I just feel like 1039 00:41:40,414 --> 00:41:42,907 I married a man that was not ready for marriage. 1040 00:41:42,991 --> 00:41:44,501 ♪ ♪ 1041 00:41:44,660 --> 00:41:47,253 And he cuts me down every opportunity 1042 00:41:47,338 --> 00:41:52,509 and he doesn't appreciate Bao. 1043 00:41:52,593 --> 00:41:54,427 I'm done feeling unappreciated. 1044 00:41:54,512 --> 00:41:56,346 - Good to see you. - Good to see you. 1045 00:41:56,430 --> 00:41:58,422 Thanks for meeting with me today. 1046 00:41:58,516 --> 00:41:59,682 - Oh, absolutely. 1047 00:41:59,841 --> 00:42:01,434 How are you? 1048 00:42:01,593 --> 00:42:03,010 - [sighs] Could be better. 1049 00:42:03,095 --> 00:42:05,104 ♪ ♪ 1050 00:42:05,189 --> 00:42:08,266 - Well, you had some ups and downs. 1051 00:42:08,350 --> 00:42:10,601 Let's just jump right in. Where are you guys now? 1052 00:42:10,686 --> 00:42:12,612 ♪ ♪ 1053 00:42:12,771 --> 00:42:14,364 - Johnny wants to build 1054 00:42:14,448 --> 00:42:16,199 a foundation for a stronger marriage. 1055 00:42:16,358 --> 00:42:18,535 I agree we should work on the foundation. 1056 00:42:18,694 --> 00:42:19,953 But, in a way, I have this impression 1057 00:42:20,112 --> 00:42:22,455 that it's more of an out. 1058 00:42:22,614 --> 00:42:26,450 And the more I talk with him, and the arguments that we have, 1059 00:42:26,535 --> 00:42:31,047 I honestly feel like Johnny is 80% already out the door, 1060 00:42:31,206 --> 00:42:34,208 and that his decision's already been made. 1061 00:42:34,293 --> 00:42:35,960 ♪ ♪ 1062 00:42:36,044 --> 00:42:38,796 I feel cheated out of a perfectly good marriage. 1063 00:42:38,880 --> 00:42:41,299 This could be a perfectly good marriage. 1064 00:42:41,383 --> 00:42:44,727 But I have a husband on paper, and that's it. 1065 00:42:44,812 --> 00:42:46,646 - He's thrown quite a few darts your way 1066 00:42:46,805 --> 00:42:50,391 and said some pretty ugly things. 1067 00:42:50,475 --> 00:42:52,310 ♪ ♪ 1068 00:42:52,403 --> 00:42:55,738 - You get very giddy, almost like a little kid. 1069 00:42:55,823 --> 00:42:57,156 I personally don't find it attractive. 1070 00:42:57,241 --> 00:43:01,744 If this was a dating scenario, 1071 00:43:01,829 --> 00:43:03,237 this is where we would end things. 1072 00:43:03,322 --> 00:43:05,081 I don't want my family to get attached to her 1073 00:43:05,165 --> 00:43:06,499 and she to get attached to my family, 1074 00:43:06,658 --> 00:43:09,335 if I don't even like her. 1075 00:43:09,420 --> 00:43:12,589 I wish I had been matched with literally anyone else. 1076 00:43:12,673 --> 00:43:15,166 What I have in front of me right now is not what I want. 1077 00:43:15,250 --> 00:43:19,846 ♪ ♪ 1078 00:43:19,930 --> 00:43:21,681 - I just don't know why he feels like 1079 00:43:21,765 --> 00:43:23,424 he has to cut me down. 1080 00:43:23,508 --> 00:43:27,511 I can see the intent of him being so malicious. 1081 00:43:27,596 --> 00:43:30,773 And I don't understand why you would do that with your wife. 1082 00:43:30,858 --> 00:43:34,185 I'm here trying, and I get cut down over and over. 1083 00:43:34,269 --> 00:43:37,605 ♪ ♪ 1084 00:43:37,689 --> 00:43:39,273 - And what are you feeling right now? 1085 00:43:39,366 --> 00:43:40,691 - [emotionally] I'm frustrated. 1086 00:43:40,776 --> 00:43:44,028 ♪ ♪ 1087 00:43:44,112 --> 00:43:46,539 - Yeah. 1088 00:43:46,624 --> 00:43:50,710 - 'Cause I feel I went into this... 1089 00:43:50,794 --> 00:43:52,703 for the right reasons. 1090 00:43:52,788 --> 00:43:53,704 ♪ ♪ 1091 00:43:53,797 --> 00:43:55,539 Thank you. 1092 00:43:55,633 --> 00:44:02,722 ♪ ♪ 1093 00:44:02,881 --> 00:44:05,475 I just don't think he's got the emotional maturity right now 1094 00:44:05,634 --> 00:44:07,810 to be a caring, loving husband and father. 1095 00:44:07,895 --> 00:44:09,220 - This is a tough one. 1096 00:44:09,304 --> 00:44:11,639 ♪ ♪ 1097 00:44:11,723 --> 00:44:14,058 - He's just given up. He doesn't care. 1098 00:44:14,142 --> 00:44:18,813 ♪ ♪ 1099 00:44:18,897 --> 00:44:21,232 - You two have a lot to work through and resolve 1100 00:44:21,316 --> 00:44:22,659 before Decision Day. 1101 00:44:22,743 --> 00:44:26,737 So, in order to help you, I'd like you to ask him about 1102 00:44:26,830 --> 00:44:30,574 whether or not he felt he was ready to be married. 1103 00:44:30,659 --> 00:44:33,002 ♪ ♪ 1104 00:44:33,087 --> 00:44:34,745 Do you guys ever communicate effectively 1105 00:44:34,830 --> 00:44:36,497 without lashing out? 1106 00:44:36,590 --> 00:44:38,508 - When we're not digging deep, 1107 00:44:38,592 --> 00:44:40,418 I feel like we're connecting, and we're okay. 1108 00:44:40,511 --> 00:44:45,682 - Is it possible then for you guys to work at that level? 1109 00:44:45,841 --> 00:44:47,600 Let's just call it level one of marriage, 1110 00:44:47,685 --> 00:44:49,343 'cause I assume there's no intimacy now. 1111 00:44:49,436 --> 00:44:52,021 - No, there's nothing. - Okay. 1112 00:44:52,106 --> 00:44:55,441 Let's stay at that level one. Just play nice. 1113 00:44:55,600 --> 00:44:57,935 - Mm-hmm. - Don't go deep. 1114 00:44:58,019 --> 00:45:00,271 Let's have the light conversations, and let's see 1115 00:45:00,355 --> 00:45:02,606 if he can surprise you by going deep himself. 1116 00:45:02,691 --> 00:45:04,951 ♪ ♪ 1117 00:45:05,110 --> 00:45:07,453 - I really hate this, because I've just never been a person 1118 00:45:07,612 --> 00:45:08,788 that cared for chit-chat. 1119 00:45:08,872 --> 00:45:11,374 And I know, early on, 1120 00:45:11,533 --> 00:45:14,210 that's how it should happen and unfold, 1121 00:45:14,294 --> 00:45:15,628 but I've always been the kind of person 1122 00:45:15,787 --> 00:45:17,621 to just dig right into it. 1123 00:45:17,706 --> 00:45:19,465 But I can't do that right now, 1124 00:45:19,550 --> 00:45:25,138 because anything deeper cuts Johnny in some weird way. 1125 00:45:25,297 --> 00:45:29,392 - Is he willing to show up for the marriage and not run away, 1126 00:45:29,551 --> 00:45:32,895 and not give up at every sign of trouble? 1127 00:45:32,980 --> 00:45:34,555 If this works, and your marriage turns around, 1128 00:45:34,648 --> 00:45:36,140 you'll look back on this and you'll say, 1129 00:45:36,224 --> 00:45:37,975 "Oh, my God, I'm so glad we went through that." 1130 00:45:38,068 --> 00:45:40,403 I've talked to so many couples who have gone through 1131 00:45:40,562 --> 00:45:41,821 so much worse than you're going through. 1132 00:45:41,905 --> 00:45:44,574 And they have actually recovered and moved forward, 1133 00:45:44,733 --> 00:45:47,076 and now are living incredible marriages, 1134 00:45:47,161 --> 00:45:50,997 because you build foundation through adversity. 1135 00:45:51,081 --> 00:45:53,073 - ♪ And somewhere down the road ♪ 1136 00:45:53,167 --> 00:45:57,244 ♪ We got lost in each other ♪ 1137 00:45:57,329 --> 00:45:58,546 ♪ Next thing, we're broken and awoken up some place else ♪ 1138 00:46:02,342 --> 00:46:04,919 - ♪ Call it an accident ♪ 1139 00:46:05,012 --> 00:46:07,588 ♪ But I know we both came here ♪ 1140 00:46:07,672 --> 00:46:10,516 ♪ Just to pretend we wanted to see each other ♪ 1141 00:46:10,601 --> 00:46:11,425 ♪ Standing there ♪ 1142 00:46:11,510 --> 00:46:12,843 [laughter] 1143 00:46:12,928 --> 00:46:14,929 - How you doing? - I'm awesome. 1144 00:46:15,013 --> 00:46:16,263 How are you? - I'm okay. 1145 00:46:16,348 --> 00:46:17,523 - Okay. Okay. Okay. - Yeah. 1146 00:46:17,608 --> 00:46:19,692 - I didn't get awesome, but that's all right. 1147 00:46:19,777 --> 00:46:22,102 - I'm not awesome, you know? - Yeah. 1148 00:46:22,187 --> 00:46:23,613 - I mean, there's just a lot going on, 1149 00:46:23,697 --> 00:46:26,616 and, you know, it hasn't been easy. 1150 00:46:26,775 --> 00:46:28,025 - Yeah. Let's talk about it. - Yeah. 1151 00:46:28,118 --> 00:46:31,954 - So, tell me, is there anything that could happen 1152 00:46:32,039 --> 00:46:33,956 where his behavior could change enough 1153 00:46:34,115 --> 00:46:36,042 to get you to say yes on Decision Day? 1154 00:46:36,126 --> 00:46:37,868 - I think, yeah. I think there's definitely, 1155 00:46:37,953 --> 00:46:41,121 like--like, a small percentage of a possibility of that. 1156 00:46:41,206 --> 00:46:45,468 If he was more willing or open, 1157 00:46:45,552 --> 00:46:48,963 I--I would be willing to keep trying. 1158 00:46:49,047 --> 00:46:50,381 I really would. - Yeah. 1159 00:46:50,465 --> 00:46:54,051 - Because the honeymoon was just a different person. 1160 00:46:54,144 --> 00:46:58,222 - I truly am thankful that I was matched with you. 1161 00:46:58,306 --> 00:46:59,473 I'm happy where we are. 1162 00:46:59,558 --> 00:47:02,393 I'm happy with the direction we're trending. 1163 00:47:02,477 --> 00:47:04,228 We're not just-- - Yeah, like-- 1164 00:47:04,312 --> 00:47:05,479 Both: Going through the motions. 1165 00:47:05,572 --> 00:47:08,324 - Exactly. [bleep]. [laughter] 1166 00:47:08,408 --> 00:47:10,993 - I needed that. 1167 00:47:11,152 --> 00:47:13,153 Here we go. 1168 00:47:13,247 --> 00:47:14,655 Bring that back. That was great. 1169 00:47:14,748 --> 00:47:16,999 - Yeah. Yeah. - Like, it was so good. 1170 00:47:17,158 --> 00:47:21,087 But, I'm now shifting how I feel about-- 1171 00:47:21,171 --> 00:47:24,665 Is this what's gonna make me happy forever? 1172 00:47:24,749 --> 00:47:30,263 Like, is he even capable of giving me what I need? 1173 00:47:30,347 --> 00:47:32,590 - Right. 1174 00:47:32,674 --> 00:47:34,267 When couples get to that point, 1175 00:47:34,426 --> 00:47:37,344 strong decisions have to be made. 1176 00:47:37,429 --> 00:47:41,348 Are you guys talking about feelings and emotions? 1177 00:47:41,433 --> 00:47:43,934 So, there's--there's no intimate communication. 1178 00:47:44,019 --> 00:47:46,770 - None. 1179 00:47:46,855 --> 00:47:49,440 - Ask him to give you a picture 1180 00:47:49,524 --> 00:47:52,526 of what he thought his wife would have been. 1181 00:47:52,611 --> 00:47:53,953 - Mm-hmm. 1182 00:47:54,037 --> 00:47:56,864 - And let him know you're not offended if it's not you. 1183 00:47:56,957 --> 00:47:57,874 - I know it's not me. - Yeah. 1184 00:47:57,958 --> 00:47:59,450 But let-- Just let him know that. 1185 00:47:59,543 --> 00:48:01,201 - Uh-huh. - Ask him. 1186 00:48:01,286 --> 00:48:02,461 "When did you give up on this marriage?" 1187 00:48:02,546 --> 00:48:03,871 - Mm. 1188 00:48:03,955 --> 00:48:06,215 - "When did you know this was not going to work?" 1189 00:48:06,300 --> 00:48:07,633 - Oh, I think it was a long time ago. 1190 00:48:07,792 --> 00:48:10,044 - You might be surprised. 1191 00:48:10,128 --> 00:48:12,555 ♪ ♪ 1192 00:48:12,639 --> 00:48:16,383 I want you to make sure that everything is out in the open, 1193 00:48:16,468 --> 00:48:18,969 that you both are putting forth at least the effort 1194 00:48:19,062 --> 00:48:23,557 to communicate and find out what the heck happened. 1195 00:48:23,642 --> 00:48:24,567 - Mm-hmm. 1196 00:48:24,726 --> 00:48:26,644 - Because at this point, if your marriage 1197 00:48:26,737 --> 00:48:30,072 is on the rocks, what the heck you got to lose? 1198 00:48:30,157 --> 00:48:31,148 Let's deal with these questions, 1199 00:48:31,241 --> 00:48:33,817 because I've seen couples turn around. 1200 00:48:33,902 --> 00:48:35,161 ♪ ♪ 1201 00:48:35,245 --> 00:48:37,154 - ♪ All the way ♪ 1202 00:48:37,238 --> 00:48:41,417 ♪ ♪ 1203 00:48:41,576 --> 00:48:43,494 - So, we have our meeting with an expert, 1204 00:48:43,578 --> 00:48:46,246 in 30 minutes or so. 1205 00:48:46,331 --> 00:48:47,506 Not sure how it's gonna go. 1206 00:48:47,591 --> 00:48:52,920 I anticipate a little bit of negativity, at least, 1207 00:48:53,013 --> 00:48:57,099 as far as how I've handled this process 1208 00:48:57,258 --> 00:49:00,937 and if I've given everything that I could. 1209 00:49:01,021 --> 00:49:04,014 I have to be open. I have to be-- 1210 00:49:04,099 --> 00:49:06,442 I have to be honest with them, honest with myself. 1211 00:49:06,526 --> 00:49:08,185 Switched this up, and they had to bring in 1212 00:49:08,269 --> 00:49:09,862 the big guns for me, I guess. 1213 00:49:10,021 --> 00:49:11,772 - Think that's me, huh? 1214 00:49:11,856 --> 00:49:13,857 Well, what I want to talk to you about, of course, 1215 00:49:13,951 --> 00:49:15,192 is your marriage. 1216 00:49:15,276 --> 00:49:17,036 And of course, it's very clear that your marriage 1217 00:49:17,120 --> 00:49:19,372 has gone sideways. 1218 00:49:19,456 --> 00:49:22,533 When do you believe that your connection with your wife 1219 00:49:22,626 --> 00:49:25,294 became imperiled? 1220 00:49:25,379 --> 00:49:28,464 - Probably Viviana's meeting with us. 1221 00:49:28,548 --> 00:49:30,791 That was decently uncomfortable for me, 1222 00:49:30,884 --> 00:49:32,543 and I'm sure for her, as well. 1223 00:49:32,627 --> 00:49:34,637 - Do you like her? - I do like her. 1224 00:49:34,721 --> 00:49:35,972 But I have questions 1225 00:49:36,131 --> 00:49:37,556 that I need to personally figure out. 1226 00:49:37,641 --> 00:49:39,466 I know her feelings, and I know her emotions, 1227 00:49:39,551 --> 00:49:43,229 and I don't want her to take that to another level-- 1228 00:49:43,313 --> 00:49:44,722 - Okay. - That I'm not 100% certain-- 1229 00:49:44,815 --> 00:49:49,819 - It sounds like she's further along towards liking you. 1230 00:49:49,903 --> 00:49:52,154 - That's how I perceive it. - I hate saying that, but-- 1231 00:49:52,239 --> 00:49:54,314 - Is that true, though? Okay. - I think that's fair, yeah. 1232 00:49:54,408 --> 00:49:56,817 That's when I started being like, okay, 1233 00:49:56,901 --> 00:49:58,160 I'm gonna stay open to it, 1234 00:49:58,319 --> 00:50:01,071 but I can't keep fighting everything that I'm feeling, 1235 00:50:01,164 --> 00:50:03,249 everything that's telling me that this isn't working, 1236 00:50:03,333 --> 00:50:08,412 this isn't right for me, and I assume for her, as well. 1237 00:50:08,505 --> 00:50:12,499 - So, tell me how you tried to deal with the things 1238 00:50:12,584 --> 00:50:14,251 that you didn't like, and then tell me 1239 00:50:14,335 --> 00:50:16,670 what you did to see if you could change them. 1240 00:50:16,755 --> 00:50:18,014 - That's what's hard for me. 1241 00:50:18,098 --> 00:50:20,507 Like, I feel like communication has been an issue. 1242 00:50:20,592 --> 00:50:23,594 And it's not a fun feeling to think that most of 1243 00:50:23,678 --> 00:50:25,679 the conversations you need to have are gonna come across 1244 00:50:25,764 --> 00:50:28,432 as not--not fun conversations to have. 1245 00:50:28,516 --> 00:50:30,860 - So, let's stop there. 1246 00:50:30,944 --> 00:50:33,529 I think there's been a pattern of: 1247 00:50:33,688 --> 00:50:35,939 there's something wrong, I'm checking it in; 1248 00:50:36,024 --> 00:50:38,025 there's something wrong, I'm checking it in; 1249 00:50:38,118 --> 00:50:40,369 but I'm not telling her. - Mm-hmm. 1250 00:50:40,454 --> 00:50:43,113 - You have to vocalize in marriage. 1251 00:50:43,206 --> 00:50:45,949 People aren't selected for being mind-readers. 1252 00:50:46,034 --> 00:50:47,701 ♪ ♪ 1253 00:50:47,786 --> 00:50:50,954 If you don't feel you could say something difficult 1254 00:50:51,039 --> 00:50:52,873 in a way that wasn't cruel, 1255 00:50:52,957 --> 00:50:54,625 then you have to figure out 1256 00:50:54,709 --> 00:50:56,794 how to say it in a way that's constructive. 1257 00:50:56,887 --> 00:51:00,639 ♪ ♪ 1258 00:51:00,799 --> 00:51:04,060 Do you remember why you wanted to be married at first sight? 1259 00:51:04,144 --> 00:51:06,145 - Yeah. I've always had the same goal. 1260 00:51:06,229 --> 00:51:08,314 I want to find that person for me. 1261 00:51:08,398 --> 00:51:09,398 I want to find the person that 1262 00:51:09,483 --> 00:51:12,985 you value their life more than yours. 1263 00:51:13,144 --> 00:51:15,154 And that's never wavered. 1264 00:51:15,238 --> 00:51:20,818 - Well, no way to get closer without dealing with feelings. 1265 00:51:20,911 --> 00:51:23,987 We can't go anywhere where "I'm this" and "I'm that" 1266 00:51:24,081 --> 00:51:25,239 and that's it. 1267 00:51:25,323 --> 00:51:27,241 You gotta reach inside, deeper. 1268 00:51:27,334 --> 00:51:29,576 Ask her, you know, who she is. 1269 00:51:29,669 --> 00:51:32,505 See her in her best places. 1270 00:51:32,664 --> 00:51:35,582 And it seems to me--and I have to be honest with you-- 1271 00:51:35,675 --> 00:51:38,427 That that has not been done. 1272 00:51:38,586 --> 00:51:41,013 I doubt if you people know each other yet. 1273 00:51:41,172 --> 00:51:42,756 Really know each other. 1274 00:51:42,841 --> 00:51:45,017 - Yeah. 1275 00:51:45,102 --> 00:51:46,343 - Let me see you try. 1276 00:51:46,427 --> 00:51:49,855 ♪ ♪ 1277 00:51:49,940 --> 00:51:53,359 So, the question is, can you pull this out of where it is? 1278 00:51:53,443 --> 00:51:56,770 Sometimes, when things go wrong, then people give up. 1279 00:51:56,855 --> 00:51:58,021 I don't want you to give up. 1280 00:51:58,106 --> 00:52:00,607 I want you to do things that you never did, 1281 00:52:00,692 --> 00:52:03,443 that you really have to change, for both of you. 1282 00:52:03,537 --> 00:52:07,781 - Yeah. No, I--I--I promise you, 1283 00:52:07,874 --> 00:52:11,451 I'm gonna put more effort into it. 1284 00:52:11,536 --> 00:52:12,878 And you're gonna see-- You're gonna see 1285 00:52:12,963 --> 00:52:14,380 more effort on my end. 1286 00:52:14,539 --> 00:52:15,873 - It ain't over till it's over. 1287 00:52:15,966 --> 00:52:17,633 ♪ ♪ 1288 00:52:17,792 --> 00:52:23,881 - ♪ I saw the words float out ♪ 1289 00:52:23,965 --> 00:52:27,551 - I just came out of a very productive session 1290 00:52:27,635 --> 00:52:30,729 with Dr. Pepper, and she's given me some ideas 1291 00:52:30,889 --> 00:52:34,233 on how to improve. 1292 00:52:34,317 --> 00:52:37,653 Where we're at is not working, and if this could help, 1293 00:52:37,812 --> 00:52:39,980 I'm willing to answer any and everything. 1294 00:52:40,073 --> 00:52:41,899 - I'm very curious, actually, 1295 00:52:41,992 --> 00:52:45,411 to find out what Johnny discussed with Dr. Pepper. 1296 00:52:45,495 --> 00:52:46,996 According to Pastor Cal, 1297 00:52:47,155 --> 00:52:50,824 he really does feel the onus is on Johnny 1298 00:52:50,909 --> 00:52:53,836 to deliver and save this marriage at this point, 1299 00:52:53,920 --> 00:52:57,089 and that I should just ask level-one questions. 1300 00:52:57,174 --> 00:52:59,082 But it's hard for me. 1301 00:52:59,167 --> 00:53:01,510 ♪ ♪ 1302 00:53:01,595 --> 00:53:02,836 - How you feeling? 1303 00:53:02,921 --> 00:53:05,806 ♪ ♪ 1304 00:53:09,010 --> 00:53:12,855 ♪ ♪ 1305 00:53:13,014 --> 00:53:15,432 I'm not in, really, any different state. 1306 00:53:15,516 --> 00:53:17,359 ♪ ♪ 1307 00:53:17,518 --> 00:53:20,696 How did your talk go with Dr. Pepper? 1308 00:53:20,780 --> 00:53:22,272 - It was constructive. 1309 00:53:22,357 --> 00:53:24,033 I do want to start by saying 1310 00:53:24,117 --> 00:53:27,527 I have said some things that I regret. 1311 00:53:27,612 --> 00:53:29,121 ♪ ♪ 1312 00:53:29,280 --> 00:53:31,949 And I want to tell you that I'm sorry for saying those things. 1313 00:53:32,033 --> 00:53:33,951 ♪ ♪ 1314 00:53:34,035 --> 00:53:35,702 - Thanks. 1315 00:53:35,795 --> 00:53:37,880 I want to accept his apology. 1316 00:53:37,964 --> 00:53:39,632 I want to be able to forgive him, 1317 00:53:39,716 --> 00:53:43,052 but I don't know how sincere his apology is. 1318 00:53:43,211 --> 00:53:45,054 - One of the things that I told Dr. Pepper 1319 00:53:45,213 --> 00:53:48,131 I wanted to work on was our communication. 1320 00:53:48,216 --> 00:53:51,894 What do you think? How can we improve our communication? 1321 00:53:52,053 --> 00:53:55,397 - I want to be able to talk about anything 1322 00:53:55,556 --> 00:53:59,059 that's on my mind and not feel judged, 1323 00:53:59,143 --> 00:54:02,238 even if there are things that you would disagree with. 1324 00:54:02,397 --> 00:54:05,991 I don't know why our disagreements escalate. 1325 00:54:06,076 --> 00:54:09,736 Because when I think back to the root of our arguments, 1326 00:54:09,821 --> 00:54:12,155 I don't think they're that big. 1327 00:54:12,240 --> 00:54:13,991 - Okay. 1328 00:54:14,075 --> 00:54:16,585 - And it would be helpful and constructive to focus 1329 00:54:16,670 --> 00:54:20,914 on trying to see the other person's perspective on things. 1330 00:54:20,999 --> 00:54:23,092 So, I think that would be helpful-- 1331 00:54:23,176 --> 00:54:25,919 - Okay. - When we have disagreements. 1332 00:54:26,004 --> 00:54:28,672 I have questions I have to ask you too. 1333 00:54:28,756 --> 00:54:29,932 - Hit me. 1334 00:54:30,091 --> 00:54:32,351 - Are you willing to fully show up in this marriage 1335 00:54:32,510 --> 00:54:35,429 and not run away again? 1336 00:54:35,513 --> 00:54:38,348 - I haven't run away from this relationship yet. 1337 00:54:38,433 --> 00:54:41,026 ♪ ♪ 1338 00:54:41,111 --> 00:54:43,779 I have taken a breather, because I need to not escalate. 1339 00:54:43,863 --> 00:54:45,522 When it's starting to get out of hand, 1340 00:54:45,615 --> 00:54:48,284 I take myself out, 'cause I don't want to explode. 1341 00:54:48,368 --> 00:54:51,445 'Cause I can definitely get there. 1342 00:54:51,529 --> 00:54:52,788 Sometimes I just need time. 1343 00:54:52,872 --> 00:54:56,792 Otherwise, I'm gonna say something that I don't mean, 1344 00:54:56,876 --> 00:54:59,044 in the heat of the moment. And I just need time sometimes. 1345 00:54:59,129 --> 00:55:00,620 - And that's okay. - Okay. 1346 00:55:00,705 --> 00:55:01,964 - What I'm not okay with is, 1347 00:55:02,123 --> 00:55:05,467 I don't want to see that there's a pattern of leaving. 1348 00:55:05,626 --> 00:55:08,378 - Mm-hmm. Just have one more question. 1349 00:55:08,471 --> 00:55:11,890 What can you do to be more present in our marriage? 1350 00:55:12,050 --> 00:55:15,218 - I feel, since you asked me to be more present, that I have. 1351 00:55:15,312 --> 00:55:20,149 But now, I feel like, for me, I'm turning back around. 1352 00:55:20,233 --> 00:55:25,312 I do not want to be talked to the way I have been before. 1353 00:55:25,396 --> 00:55:27,147 - Okay. 1354 00:55:27,231 --> 00:55:30,492 - And I do not want to be treated that way. 1355 00:55:30,651 --> 00:55:35,489 And I deserve to be treated with respect. 1356 00:55:35,582 --> 00:55:37,499 At one point, you had told me 1357 00:55:37,584 --> 00:55:39,668 you weren't sure if you were ready for marriage. 1358 00:55:39,827 --> 00:55:43,163 Where are you at now with that answer? 1359 00:55:43,247 --> 00:55:46,917 - [sighs] I was ready to get married. 1360 00:55:47,001 --> 00:55:49,586 I was ready to just start from a blank slate. 1361 00:55:49,670 --> 00:55:50,587 And instead, we knew each other. 1362 00:55:50,680 --> 00:55:52,422 For 15 years, we could have dated. 1363 00:55:52,507 --> 00:55:53,590 Why did we not date? 1364 00:55:53,674 --> 00:55:56,685 I keep talking about romance, chemistry. 1365 00:55:56,770 --> 00:55:58,678 I came into this knowing it was you. 1366 00:55:58,763 --> 00:56:02,107 That chemistry wasn't there the first time. 1367 00:56:02,266 --> 00:56:03,934 I wasn't attracted to you. 1368 00:56:04,018 --> 00:56:08,864 ♪ ♪ 1369 00:56:08,948 --> 00:56:11,441 Otherwise, we would have gone on a second date. 1370 00:56:11,526 --> 00:56:17,697 ♪ ♪ 1371 00:56:17,791 --> 00:56:20,450 - I don't know sometimes, Johnny. 1372 00:56:20,535 --> 00:56:24,287 I cannot help but be skeptical about your words. 1373 00:56:24,372 --> 00:56:29,885 ♪ ♪ 1374 00:56:29,969 --> 00:56:31,962 So, where do you think we should go from here? 1375 00:56:32,046 --> 00:56:38,894 ♪ ♪ 1376 00:56:43,566 --> 00:56:46,476 [upbeat music] 1377 00:56:46,561 --> 00:56:47,811 ♪ ♪ 1378 00:56:47,895 --> 00:56:49,479 - ♪ It's a beautiful life ♪ 1379 00:56:49,572 --> 00:56:51,990 ♪ ♪ 1380 00:56:52,075 --> 00:56:53,984 - Hey. - Hi. 1381 00:56:54,077 --> 00:56:55,160 So good to see you again. - How are you, pretty lady? 1382 00:56:55,245 --> 00:56:56,653 - Nice to see you, Jose. 1383 00:56:56,737 --> 00:56:58,238 - Likewise. Good to see you. 1384 00:56:58,331 --> 00:57:00,407 - Oh, it's very good to see you. 1385 00:57:00,491 --> 00:57:02,251 I want to hear how you are. 1386 00:57:02,335 --> 00:57:05,003 - I think y'all did a wonderful job. 1387 00:57:05,088 --> 00:57:07,747 I couldn't be any happier right now. 1388 00:57:07,841 --> 00:57:09,166 You know, we work well together. 1389 00:57:09,250 --> 00:57:10,750 We are a great team. 1390 00:57:10,835 --> 00:57:13,762 We communicate, I think, very well. 1391 00:57:13,847 --> 00:57:15,672 And we just have to continue to keep growing together 1392 00:57:15,756 --> 00:57:17,433 and asking the right questions. 1393 00:57:17,517 --> 00:57:19,759 - Questions are always your friend, 1394 00:57:19,844 --> 00:57:22,512 because then you get answers. - Yes. 1395 00:57:22,597 --> 00:57:25,691 - And I do want to talk to you about some of the questions 1396 00:57:25,775 --> 00:57:27,526 that I know you have, 1397 00:57:27,610 --> 00:57:31,697 and to give you some advice on some of them. 1398 00:57:31,781 --> 00:57:34,274 - Yeah. So, coming into this process, 1399 00:57:34,358 --> 00:57:37,611 for me, as a husband, I wanted to be a provider 1400 00:57:37,695 --> 00:57:39,362 and be everything that my wife wanted me to be. 1401 00:57:39,447 --> 00:57:40,873 I wanted to make sure she was taken care of 1402 00:57:40,957 --> 00:57:42,282 and she had everything she needed. 1403 00:57:42,375 --> 00:57:45,952 However, you know, I did ask for an independent woman, 1404 00:57:46,037 --> 00:57:48,046 and she is that, of an independent woman. 1405 00:57:48,206 --> 00:57:50,799 So, where is not getting enough and where is getting too much? 1406 00:57:50,884 --> 00:57:53,210 And finding that little soft spot, 1407 00:57:53,294 --> 00:57:56,379 without having her feel like I'm being this controlling man? 1408 00:57:56,464 --> 00:57:58,548 ♪ ♪ 1409 00:57:58,633 --> 00:58:01,310 - Well, the fact is, I think you personally do 1410 00:58:01,394 --> 00:58:03,053 have a tendency to be controlling. 1411 00:58:03,137 --> 00:58:04,730 ♪ ♪ 1412 00:58:04,814 --> 00:58:06,556 'Cause you think there's a right way, 1413 00:58:06,641 --> 00:58:09,226 and you've done it, you know? 1414 00:58:09,310 --> 00:58:13,063 And it may have been serving you extremely well. 1415 00:58:13,156 --> 00:58:16,066 But she's gonna have some things that she's used to, 1416 00:58:16,150 --> 00:58:18,401 that have made her feel secure. 1417 00:58:18,495 --> 00:58:20,403 And I think you have to take that really seriously 1418 00:58:20,497 --> 00:58:21,663 and respect that. 1419 00:58:21,748 --> 00:58:22,998 See the world 1420 00:58:23,082 --> 00:58:25,083 as your partner would see it through their eyes, 1421 00:58:25,168 --> 00:58:27,577 as opposed to how you figured it all out. 1422 00:58:27,662 --> 00:58:29,746 ♪ ♪ 1423 00:58:29,830 --> 00:58:31,590 - So, that was one. 1424 00:58:31,674 --> 00:58:32,916 And then, two was, 1425 00:58:33,000 --> 00:58:35,919 we had three incredible weeks of a great run. 1426 00:58:36,003 --> 00:58:37,921 And then, it seemed like, within three days, 1427 00:58:38,005 --> 00:58:39,589 we had, you know, all these fireworks go off. 1428 00:58:39,674 --> 00:58:45,354 - So, tonight, my wife, Rachel, calls me by another man's name. 1429 00:58:45,513 --> 00:58:47,856 I'm not very content. I'm not happy. 1430 00:58:55,356 --> 00:58:57,449 - My husband locked me out of the apartment. 1431 00:58:57,608 --> 00:59:00,202 [knocks loudly on door] 1432 00:59:00,286 --> 00:59:02,195 Everything last night, 1433 00:59:02,280 --> 00:59:06,458 the way you acted towards me, the way you spoke to me, 1434 00:59:06,617 --> 00:59:07,951 I don't trust you at all. 1435 00:59:08,035 --> 00:59:09,369 - Same. 1436 00:59:09,453 --> 00:59:11,463 ♪ ♪ 1437 00:59:11,548 --> 00:59:14,716 I'm not happy with the way I handled a lot of those things. 1438 00:59:14,875 --> 00:59:17,302 But what scares me a little bit is that, 1439 00:59:17,387 --> 00:59:19,555 when things get rough, she bounces. 1440 00:59:19,639 --> 00:59:22,799 - I don't feel that you are remorseful at all. 1441 00:59:22,883 --> 00:59:24,393 - Okay. 1442 00:59:24,477 --> 00:59:29,472 - And, yeah. I cannot be your wife. 1443 00:59:29,557 --> 00:59:34,736 Brace yourself, because you could not criticize me one bit, 1444 00:59:34,821 --> 00:59:37,480 'cause I would be, like, out the door. 1445 00:59:37,565 --> 00:59:38,907 - Wow. 1446 00:59:38,992 --> 00:59:41,326 I want to be able to trust my wife. 1447 00:59:41,485 --> 00:59:44,571 But, you know, it's tough when someone's almost rejecting you 1448 00:59:44,655 --> 00:59:45,655 or doesn't want to be there. 1449 00:59:45,740 --> 00:59:48,584 So, for me, 1450 00:59:48,668 --> 00:59:52,829 what could I do to make sure my wife trusts me? 1451 00:59:52,922 --> 00:59:57,250 And how do I make her feel that she doesn't have to leave? 1452 00:59:57,343 --> 00:59:59,002 I don't know these answers here. 1453 00:59:59,086 --> 01:00:01,096 ♪ ♪ 1454 01:00:01,255 --> 01:00:04,758 - What you have to do is ask a question. 1455 01:00:04,851 --> 01:00:08,520 "How can we help build a situation 1456 01:00:08,679 --> 01:00:13,266 where the trust can grow and changes happen organically?" 1457 01:00:13,359 --> 01:00:15,769 Because trust isn't made in a day. 1458 01:00:15,853 --> 01:00:19,022 Ask, "What you need from me, 1459 01:00:19,106 --> 01:00:23,026 so that you truly trust me as a forever husband?" 1460 01:00:23,110 --> 01:00:25,037 - Okay. 1461 01:00:25,121 --> 01:00:28,290 - I mean, you know, she's seen your anger. 1462 01:00:28,374 --> 01:00:30,208 That's not gonna help build trust. 1463 01:00:30,368 --> 01:00:32,702 - ♪ This is the moment ♪ 1464 01:00:32,787 --> 01:00:35,372 ♪ Sometimes you gotta bite the bullet ♪ 1465 01:00:35,456 --> 01:00:37,633 ♪ ♪ 1466 01:00:37,792 --> 01:00:40,802 - How committed are you guys to each other? 1467 01:00:40,887 --> 01:00:45,048 - I know, like, he is the man for me, you know? 1468 01:00:45,132 --> 01:00:46,308 - Good. 1469 01:00:46,392 --> 01:00:49,969 - He's everything I asked for, plus more. Yeah. 1470 01:00:50,054 --> 01:00:51,888 - Oh, my gosh. That's so great. That's great. 1471 01:00:51,972 --> 01:00:53,807 So, do you have any questions 1472 01:00:53,900 --> 01:00:56,142 that you think you might need answered 1473 01:00:56,235 --> 01:00:59,396 moving into that big Decision Day? 1474 01:00:59,480 --> 01:01:01,657 ♪ ♪ 1475 01:01:01,741 --> 01:01:06,411 - I feel like it's still just more of getting to know him. 1476 01:01:06,496 --> 01:01:08,905 Because he's constantly showing me 1477 01:01:08,998 --> 01:01:14,002 I can be my true self and actually feel loved by it. 1478 01:01:14,087 --> 01:01:17,414 But, am I doing everything you need? 1479 01:01:17,498 --> 01:01:19,424 Because he-- 1480 01:01:19,509 --> 01:01:23,178 I feel like sometimes he doesn't express that as much. 1481 01:01:23,262 --> 01:01:25,430 And so, I'm just going about my day, 1482 01:01:25,515 --> 01:01:27,599 hoping I'm hitting the target. 1483 01:01:27,684 --> 01:01:31,520 - Yeah. Everyone needs to know that they're being cared for 1484 01:01:31,604 --> 01:01:33,847 the way they want to be cared for. 1485 01:01:33,931 --> 01:01:35,691 'Cause what you could do-- - Uh-huh. Absolutely. 1486 01:01:35,850 --> 01:01:37,526 - Is just go along and saying, "Okay, great. 1487 01:01:37,610 --> 01:01:38,601 "You know, I'm pouring into you, 1488 01:01:38,686 --> 01:01:40,278 "but I'm not getting anything back. 1489 01:01:40,363 --> 01:01:42,698 But it's okay. I'll be fine. I'll be fine." 1490 01:01:42,857 --> 01:01:45,200 And that starts to build up resentment. 1491 01:01:45,359 --> 01:01:47,527 So, that is a conversation you gotta have. 1492 01:01:47,611 --> 01:01:49,779 ♪ ♪ 1493 01:01:49,872 --> 01:01:52,040 - And another question I need to ask my husband is 1494 01:01:52,125 --> 01:01:56,628 about the incident of, you know, being locked out. 1495 01:01:56,713 --> 01:01:58,872 He says it's accidental. 1496 01:01:58,956 --> 01:02:00,716 I'm gonna take his word for it. - Yeah. 1497 01:02:00,875 --> 01:02:04,553 - However, I let him know, accident or not, 1498 01:02:04,637 --> 01:02:08,140 at the end of the day, I was locked out, period. 1499 01:02:08,224 --> 01:02:12,144 So, I've seen my husband has a temper. 1500 01:02:12,228 --> 01:02:15,138 He can be vindictive. 1501 01:02:15,231 --> 01:02:17,557 - That's something that you guys have to talk about. 1502 01:02:17,641 --> 01:02:19,901 Find out what could be done 1503 01:02:20,060 --> 01:02:22,812 so that there won't be another circumstance 1504 01:02:22,897 --> 01:02:26,575 where he feels the necessity to shut you out. 1505 01:02:26,659 --> 01:02:28,160 'Cause that's what he was doing. 1506 01:02:28,244 --> 01:02:30,162 He was shutting you out of his world. 1507 01:02:30,246 --> 01:02:33,749 And just for the record, this is not your last argument. 1508 01:02:33,833 --> 01:02:37,919 - I know, but if this ever happens again, no. 1509 01:02:38,004 --> 01:02:39,996 You know, that's not something I signed up for. 1510 01:02:40,080 --> 01:02:43,717 ♪ ♪ 1511 01:02:47,755 --> 01:02:49,756 - ♪ I can feel it in my bones ♪ 1512 01:02:49,840 --> 01:02:52,350 ♪ This light overcomes me ♪ 1513 01:02:52,435 --> 01:02:54,928 ♪ And it feels so right ♪ 1514 01:02:55,021 --> 01:02:56,596 - I meant it when I told Dr. Pepper 1515 01:02:56,680 --> 01:02:58,774 that I'm gonna make more of an effort. 1516 01:02:58,858 --> 01:03:01,184 We're gonna have to have some tough conversations. 1517 01:03:01,277 --> 01:03:03,770 But, yeah. It was a positive overall conversation with her. 1518 01:03:03,863 --> 01:03:05,113 She gave me a little bit of hope 1519 01:03:05,272 --> 01:03:07,273 that this could still have a chance, so we'll see. 1520 01:03:07,366 --> 01:03:08,858 - Oh, boy. You made it. 1521 01:03:08,951 --> 01:03:10,693 - It was touch-and-go there for--for a minute. 1522 01:03:10,787 --> 01:03:12,278 - You're alive. 1523 01:03:12,371 --> 01:03:14,531 - I wasn't sure that I wasn't gonna get out of there alive. 1524 01:03:14,624 --> 01:03:19,294 She definitely made me think about a lot of stuff. 1525 01:03:19,378 --> 01:03:21,538 She was questioning my effort, and-- 1526 01:03:21,622 --> 01:03:22,705 - Yeah. 1527 01:03:22,790 --> 01:03:25,634 - Communication, and... 1528 01:03:25,793 --> 01:03:27,877 conversations that we have and hadn't had. 1529 01:03:27,962 --> 01:03:29,721 ♪ ♪ 1530 01:03:29,806 --> 01:03:31,798 I avoid saying things 1531 01:03:31,882 --> 01:03:33,967 that I know that you're not gonna want to hear. 1532 01:03:34,051 --> 01:03:35,718 ♪ ♪ 1533 01:03:35,803 --> 01:03:37,646 - Yeah. 1534 01:03:37,805 --> 01:03:40,974 That's not always good for me, you know? 1535 01:03:41,058 --> 01:03:45,654 And so, I don't want to be a source of stress, 1536 01:03:45,813 --> 01:03:48,323 because that's not good for anyone. 1537 01:03:48,407 --> 01:03:50,233 - Instead, we just stress each other out internally. 1538 01:03:50,317 --> 01:03:51,317 - Yeah. 1539 01:03:51,402 --> 01:03:56,081 ♪ ♪ 1540 01:03:56,165 --> 01:03:57,240 - He didn't give you anything? 1541 01:03:57,324 --> 01:04:04,256 ♪ ♪ 1542 01:04:05,499 --> 01:04:08,176 - Ask him, "When did you give up on this marriage?" 1543 01:04:08,335 --> 01:04:09,586 - Mm. 1544 01:04:09,670 --> 01:04:12,839 - "When did you know this was not going to work?" 1545 01:04:12,923 --> 01:04:14,841 ♪ ♪ 1546 01:04:14,934 --> 01:04:19,178 - It was... mostly focused on me. 1547 01:04:19,263 --> 01:04:20,605 He was just telling me, you know, like, 1548 01:04:20,690 --> 01:04:25,193 what I need to do, as far as, like, asking questions. 1549 01:04:25,278 --> 01:04:29,114 And, um... 1550 01:04:29,198 --> 01:04:30,615 I just feel, like, very disconnected, 1551 01:04:30,700 --> 01:04:33,201 so it's hard for me to-- 1552 01:04:33,286 --> 01:04:34,861 - So, going about things the same way 1553 01:04:34,954 --> 01:04:38,290 are gonna make it get past that? 1554 01:04:38,374 --> 01:04:39,875 - No. I didn't say that. 1555 01:04:39,959 --> 01:04:43,461 But I do get to a point where, like, I don't know what to do. 1556 01:04:43,546 --> 01:04:45,547 - That disconnect's gonna get further and further away 1557 01:04:45,706 --> 01:04:48,541 if we don't find something that can change 1558 01:04:48,634 --> 01:04:50,209 how we've been going about this. 1559 01:04:50,294 --> 01:04:52,971 Like, I need you to call me out on [bleep]. 1560 01:04:53,130 --> 01:04:55,465 Like, I'm open to that. 1561 01:04:55,549 --> 01:04:57,216 ♪ ♪ 1562 01:04:57,301 --> 01:05:00,562 - I don't know. 1563 01:05:00,646 --> 01:05:03,732 If you genuinely want to keep trying, 1564 01:05:03,816 --> 01:05:07,152 I just need to know, either way. 1565 01:05:07,311 --> 01:05:08,486 I mean, never say never. 1566 01:05:08,646 --> 01:05:12,315 People can surprise you. I think things can change. 1567 01:05:12,399 --> 01:05:15,985 I think the hope isn't completely diminished. 1568 01:05:16,070 --> 01:05:19,414 But it's, like-- It's down there. 1569 01:05:19,498 --> 01:05:20,907 It's pretty low. 1570 01:05:20,991 --> 01:05:26,254 Again, it just all comes back to talking to each other. 1571 01:05:26,339 --> 01:05:29,925 We just have to be honest, period. 1572 01:05:30,084 --> 01:05:33,503 - ♪ You may run for a long time ♪ 1573 01:05:33,596 --> 01:05:35,597 ♪ Run on ♪ 1574 01:05:35,681 --> 01:05:38,099 - [exhales sharply] 1575 01:05:38,184 --> 01:05:39,768 - ♪ Tell me how to live my life ♪ 1576 01:05:39,852 --> 01:05:43,772 ♪ If we can't be open ♪ 1577 01:05:43,856 --> 01:05:46,274 - I just finished talking to Pastor Cal, 1578 01:05:46,359 --> 01:05:48,026 and it went really, really great. 1579 01:05:48,185 --> 01:05:51,863 And I just want to really dig deep into Jose's triggers. 1580 01:05:52,022 --> 01:05:54,616 And we had a really big blowup. 1581 01:05:54,775 --> 01:05:58,361 Something must have really bothered him 1582 01:05:58,445 --> 01:06:01,623 to get him to that point, and I want to know what it was, 1583 01:06:01,707 --> 01:06:04,542 to make sure to not hit those triggers. 1584 01:06:04,627 --> 01:06:07,212 And I think that would be a great conversation to have. 1585 01:06:07,371 --> 01:06:11,541 It's gonna help make Decision Day even that much easier. 1586 01:06:11,625 --> 01:06:12,467 ♪ ♪ 1587 01:06:14,962 --> 01:06:15,962 How'd it go? 1588 01:06:16,055 --> 01:06:17,630 - So, I think it went very well. 1589 01:06:17,723 --> 01:06:19,391 - Good. - I think it went good. 1590 01:06:19,475 --> 01:06:21,977 You know, I briefed her on the impeccable three weeks 1591 01:06:22,061 --> 01:06:23,979 that we had, and then, of course, the breakdown. 1592 01:06:24,138 --> 01:06:27,640 And then, you know, one of my questions was, 1593 01:06:27,725 --> 01:06:31,561 when things got tough, my wife left. 1594 01:06:31,654 --> 01:06:35,907 So, how can I know that's not gonna happen again? 1595 01:06:35,992 --> 01:06:38,827 - That's super valid, because my instinct 1596 01:06:38,986 --> 01:06:42,822 when I get into an argument is to bounce. 1597 01:06:42,906 --> 01:06:44,416 ♪ ♪ 1598 01:06:44,500 --> 01:06:47,252 But it took that fight for me to realize 1599 01:06:47,336 --> 01:06:49,504 that single Rachel is gone, you know, 1600 01:06:49,663 --> 01:06:52,915 and I am married to you, and I now understand 1601 01:06:53,009 --> 01:06:57,754 we can have these tough arguments and overcome it. 1602 01:06:57,847 --> 01:07:00,590 ♪ ♪ 1603 01:07:00,674 --> 01:07:04,761 But what were the triggers to get you to that point 1604 01:07:04,854 --> 01:07:08,347 where it started to be a very vindictive side of you? 1605 01:07:08,432 --> 01:07:11,100 ♪ ♪ 1606 01:07:11,193 --> 01:07:13,778 - You know, I think, for me, I need time to cool off. 1607 01:07:13,863 --> 01:07:16,448 I need to tell you, "I need to cool off." 1608 01:07:16,532 --> 01:07:18,357 Communicate it versus just doing it, 1609 01:07:18,451 --> 01:07:20,943 because we both carry a lot of pride. 1610 01:07:21,028 --> 01:07:24,372 - It has to be a compromise. 1611 01:07:24,457 --> 01:07:25,957 - Yes. Absolutely. 1612 01:07:26,116 --> 01:07:27,533 As a child, growing up, 1613 01:07:27,626 --> 01:07:29,702 seeing my parents go through a divorce, 1614 01:07:29,787 --> 01:07:31,379 I didn't see the love, and that's why, I think, 1615 01:07:31,464 --> 01:07:33,206 my approach has been so different, 1616 01:07:33,299 --> 01:07:35,050 because I want to make sure that 1617 01:07:35,134 --> 01:07:37,794 I do everything almost opposite than what I saw. 1618 01:07:37,878 --> 01:07:40,213 ♪ ♪ 1619 01:07:40,297 --> 01:07:42,048 - We are in a great place, 1620 01:07:42,141 --> 01:07:44,642 but there's always more work to do. 1621 01:07:44,802 --> 01:07:47,896 I know there's a lot more to uncover for my husband, 1622 01:07:47,980 --> 01:07:50,815 and I can't wait to see what that is. 1623 01:07:50,900 --> 01:07:53,068 You have my trust. 1624 01:07:53,227 --> 01:07:57,396 I want to be Jose's wife, no matter what. 1625 01:07:57,481 --> 01:08:00,566 - ♪ You are my sign, and just know that I believe in you ♪ 1626 01:08:00,651 --> 01:08:02,077 ♪ ♪ 1627 01:08:06,073 --> 01:08:08,333 - ♪ It's a bright, bright summer day ♪ 1628 01:08:08,417 --> 01:08:09,909 ♪ Sun is smiling on my face ♪ 1629 01:08:09,993 --> 01:08:12,328 ♪ And it feels like real love ♪ 1630 01:08:12,421 --> 01:08:13,830 ♪ Want me to ♪ 1631 01:08:13,914 --> 01:08:15,248 - Hey! - Hello! Hello, beautiful! 1632 01:08:15,332 --> 01:08:16,841 - Y'all are so bright and colorful! 1633 01:08:16,926 --> 01:08:18,343 - Zack Attack. How are you, man? 1634 01:08:18,427 --> 01:08:21,087 - How cute are you? - Oh, you look ready. 1635 01:08:21,171 --> 01:08:23,506 - We are all together, 1636 01:08:23,590 --> 01:08:26,008 and we are playing sand volleyball, 1637 01:08:26,102 --> 01:08:27,519 which is my favorite thing. 1638 01:08:27,678 --> 01:08:29,095 Shoes off. Socks off, guys. 1639 01:08:29,179 --> 01:08:31,848 Hanging out in a group setting is very helpful to me, 1640 01:08:31,941 --> 01:08:34,517 because I think I am 1641 01:08:34,601 --> 01:08:36,694 at a bit of a breaking point in my marriage. 1642 01:08:36,854 --> 01:08:38,780 So, it's beneficial to hear 1643 01:08:38,939 --> 01:08:40,439 what the other couples are going through, 1644 01:08:40,533 --> 01:08:41,950 and if they're going through those things, 1645 01:08:42,109 --> 01:08:44,360 then that makes me feel more confident and okay 1646 01:08:44,444 --> 01:08:47,613 with the fact that Ryan and I are going through things too. 1647 01:08:47,698 --> 01:08:50,458 - I wish I had, like, a super impressive, like, jump serve. 1648 01:08:50,617 --> 01:08:52,710 ♪ ♪ 1649 01:08:52,870 --> 01:08:54,295 - Michaela! - Oh, what? 1650 01:08:54,380 --> 01:08:56,122 [laughter] 1651 01:08:56,206 --> 01:08:57,132 - What are you doing over here? 1652 01:08:57,291 --> 01:09:00,468 - I'ma be a cheerleader! - That's you! 1653 01:09:00,627 --> 01:09:01,794 - Whoo-hoo! 1654 01:09:01,887 --> 01:09:03,888 [laughter] 1655 01:09:04,047 --> 01:09:06,474 - That's you. - Be nice. 1656 01:09:06,633 --> 01:09:08,643 - That's a good hit. - Yeah, that is a good hit. 1657 01:09:08,802 --> 01:09:11,062 - As me and my wife are arriving at the courts, 1658 01:09:11,147 --> 01:09:13,723 I notice Johnny, with no Bao. 1659 01:09:13,807 --> 01:09:15,066 So, that kind of tells me a little bit 1660 01:09:15,225 --> 01:09:18,060 how that's going on there. 1661 01:09:18,154 --> 01:09:21,156 - Ooh! - Good shot, Johnny! 1662 01:09:21,315 --> 01:09:23,074 - Hey, reinforcements have arrived! 1663 01:09:23,159 --> 01:09:24,567 - What's up, baby? - What's up, what's up, 1664 01:09:24,651 --> 01:09:25,651 what's up, what's up, what's up? 1665 01:09:25,744 --> 01:09:26,828 - What up? What up? What up? - Hi! 1666 01:09:26,987 --> 01:09:28,738 - Sorry, we're kind of-- We're kind of late. 1667 01:09:28,831 --> 01:09:31,157 - I thought we were gonna do a group hug. 1668 01:09:31,250 --> 01:09:32,834 - What's happening, bro? - [cheers] 1669 01:09:32,918 --> 01:09:35,912 [laughter] Go, team! Go, team! 1670 01:09:36,005 --> 01:09:39,090 [cheers] 1671 01:09:39,175 --> 01:09:40,249 - Nice! We got a cheerleader. 1672 01:09:40,342 --> 01:09:42,835 - Bao, I love it! 1673 01:09:42,928 --> 01:09:46,431 Yes! Yes, Bao! Yes, yes! - Yes, Bao! 1674 01:09:46,515 --> 01:09:48,683 - W-I-N! 1675 01:09:48,842 --> 01:09:50,676 We all win! 1676 01:09:50,761 --> 01:09:53,188 W-I-N! - Hi. 1677 01:09:53,347 --> 01:09:57,433 - Johnny's coming up to give me a hug, and I'm surprised. 1678 01:09:57,517 --> 01:09:59,027 I don't know if it's the outfit. 1679 01:09:59,111 --> 01:10:02,197 I don't know if it's--Johnny suddenly has a change of heart 1680 01:10:02,281 --> 01:10:03,531 and wants to be, 1681 01:10:03,690 --> 01:10:06,618 you know, more affectionate in front of others. 1682 01:10:06,702 --> 01:10:08,277 I don't know what it is. 1683 01:10:08,370 --> 01:10:11,372 Yay! [laughter] 1684 01:10:11,457 --> 01:10:14,042 I'm pretty sure it's the outfit. 1685 01:10:14,126 --> 01:10:15,701 - Go ahead. Come on. 1686 01:10:15,794 --> 01:10:17,879 - ♪ My game's a ball and chains ♪ 1687 01:10:18,038 --> 01:10:19,130 - I got it. 1688 01:10:19,215 --> 01:10:21,216 - I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it. 1689 01:10:21,300 --> 01:10:22,634 I got it! [groans] 1690 01:10:22,718 --> 01:10:23,876 - Yay! 1691 01:10:23,969 --> 01:10:25,795 - ♪ And I can't lose ♪ 1692 01:10:25,879 --> 01:10:28,473 - Johnny. - I got it. 1693 01:10:28,632 --> 01:10:30,391 - Yay! - Ooh, that should hurt. 1694 01:10:30,550 --> 01:10:31,809 ♪ ♪ 1695 01:10:31,894 --> 01:10:34,053 - ♪ She loves the adrenaline ♪ 1696 01:10:34,137 --> 01:10:36,731 ♪ My head is starting to spin, yeah ♪ 1697 01:10:36,815 --> 01:10:38,233 - I got it. 1698 01:10:38,392 --> 01:10:41,402 - ♪ She keeps winning, she loves the adrenaline ♪ 1699 01:10:41,487 --> 01:10:43,145 - That's game. That's game. 1700 01:10:43,239 --> 01:10:44,981 Good game. - Whoo! 1701 01:10:45,074 --> 01:10:47,483 - Good game, everyone. 1702 01:10:47,567 --> 01:10:52,080 - Girl, victory is great. 1703 01:10:52,239 --> 01:10:55,500 Bao, girl. - Yes? 1704 01:10:55,584 --> 01:10:56,659 - Highlight of my day, this one. 1705 01:10:56,752 --> 01:10:59,254 - Spirit! Whoo! [laughter] 1706 01:10:59,413 --> 01:11:01,005 ♪ ♪ 1707 01:11:01,090 --> 01:11:02,415 - You--I think you're the reason 1708 01:11:02,499 --> 01:11:04,425 why we all started winning. - I know. Cheerleader. 1709 01:11:04,510 --> 01:11:06,419 - I just got so happy when I saw her walk in. 1710 01:11:06,503 --> 01:11:08,087 - Yay! - How has y'all's weeks been? 1711 01:11:08,180 --> 01:11:09,839 - Such a blur sometimes. I'm like, what did we do? 1712 01:11:09,923 --> 01:11:10,848 - Right? - Did y'all have 1713 01:11:11,008 --> 01:11:13,017 your expert visits? - We did. Yeah. 1714 01:11:13,102 --> 01:11:14,927 - We did. - Yeah, I got a curveball. 1715 01:11:15,012 --> 01:11:16,604 I thought, going up to it, that I was meeting 1716 01:11:16,689 --> 01:11:19,691 with Cal again, and I've been pretty open about, 1717 01:11:19,775 --> 01:11:21,100 Dr. Pepper scares me a little bit. 1718 01:11:21,184 --> 01:11:22,518 And then, they threw in Dr. Pepper at me. 1719 01:11:22,611 --> 01:11:24,854 - Oh, yeah? - Ooh! 1720 01:11:24,947 --> 01:11:26,939 - I know we all had our expert visits and everything. 1721 01:11:27,032 --> 01:11:29,867 - Oh, yeah. - What did Pastor Cal say? 1722 01:11:29,952 --> 01:11:32,620 - I mean, he's kind of pissed. He's kind of pissed. 1723 01:11:32,779 --> 01:11:34,789 - At what? - Just at the situation. 1724 01:11:34,873 --> 01:11:40,211 Like, you know, that it seems as though, you know, 1725 01:11:40,296 --> 01:11:43,965 Ryan hasn't really given-- Given it a fair chance. 1726 01:11:44,124 --> 01:11:45,374 - Mm-hmm. 1727 01:11:45,467 --> 01:11:47,293 - At least to the outside eye, that's how it seems. 1728 01:11:47,386 --> 01:11:48,720 That's how it seems to me too. 1729 01:11:48,879 --> 01:11:52,056 - She said that it doesn't look like I've made an effort. 1730 01:11:52,215 --> 01:11:53,641 And I told her--I was like, 1731 01:11:53,726 --> 01:11:55,560 I promise you, you'll see more effort out of me. 1732 01:11:55,719 --> 01:11:57,386 I'm gonna be more present. 1733 01:11:57,471 --> 01:12:01,390 - I mean, he said that he does want to try. 1734 01:12:01,483 --> 01:12:04,152 But, I don't know. We're just, like, in a weird-- 1735 01:12:04,311 --> 01:12:06,487 - Place. - Like, a weird limbo, place. 1736 01:12:06,646 --> 01:12:08,156 - I feel like I relate to you so much, 1737 01:12:08,315 --> 01:12:10,566 because I'm getting a lot of what you're getting, 1738 01:12:10,659 --> 01:12:12,151 the similar situation, 1739 01:12:12,235 --> 01:12:15,738 except that the difference is that Johnny's actually mean. 1740 01:12:15,831 --> 01:12:18,741 Johnny said one of the tools he learned from Dr. Pepper 1741 01:12:18,834 --> 01:12:21,660 is that--one thing he can do to help with his communication 1742 01:12:21,754 --> 01:12:24,413 is not to say negative, definitive statements. 1743 01:12:24,506 --> 01:12:27,833 He literally did just that in the same conversation, 1744 01:12:27,926 --> 01:12:30,336 after I asked him about-- Is he ready to marriage? 1745 01:12:30,429 --> 01:12:33,348 Is he committed? And he kind of blew up. 1746 01:12:33,432 --> 01:12:36,175 - He blew up? - Yeah. He gets very defensive. 1747 01:12:36,268 --> 01:12:38,519 - My conversations with Bao are, like, 1748 01:12:38,678 --> 01:12:42,106 "I said this, you said that." "You're a liar." 1749 01:12:42,265 --> 01:12:44,850 Like-- - It's like that? 1750 01:12:44,935 --> 01:12:47,528 - Yeah. It's very-- It feels very juvenile. 1751 01:12:47,613 --> 01:12:49,438 - At the end of the day, man, you gotta be happy. 1752 01:12:49,523 --> 01:12:51,032 You gotta do what you feel is best for you. 1753 01:12:51,116 --> 01:12:52,775 - That's the thing. I feel like I haven't been happy 1754 01:12:52,868 --> 01:12:54,610 in a really long time. 1755 01:12:54,694 --> 01:12:57,538 I get little glimpses of joy 1756 01:12:57,623 --> 01:13:00,199 when we, like, plan dates and we do stuff. 1757 01:13:00,292 --> 01:13:03,369 But every day-- The day-to-day stuff, 1758 01:13:03,462 --> 01:13:06,214 just living in the apartment together--nothing. 1759 01:13:06,373 --> 01:13:10,385 ♪ ♪ 1760 01:13:10,469 --> 01:13:12,128 - I just don't-- He's so childish. 1761 01:13:12,212 --> 01:13:13,712 - I'm not speaking for everybody, 1762 01:13:13,797 --> 01:13:19,477 but, like, I think some people view this as a real marriage. 1763 01:13:19,636 --> 01:13:21,720 - Yeah. - And some don't. 1764 01:13:21,805 --> 01:13:28,820 ♪ ♪ 1765 01:13:29,405 --> 01:13:30,646 - If we don't sleep in the same bed-- 1766 01:13:30,730 --> 01:13:32,148 - How does it hurt? - It definitely hurts. 1767 01:13:32,232 --> 01:13:33,491 If we don't sleep in the same bed-- 1768 01:13:33,575 --> 01:13:35,985 - What's wrong with that? What does it matter? 1769 01:13:36,078 --> 01:13:38,487 Are we enemies now? 1770 01:13:38,580 --> 01:13:41,073 - All right, so we get back from the beach volleyball, 1771 01:13:41,166 --> 01:13:42,417 and I think we have a good time, 1772 01:13:42,576 --> 01:13:44,168 but now my wife wants to sleep in a separate room. 1773 01:13:44,327 --> 01:13:45,494 Can you explain why? - I do. 1774 01:13:45,579 --> 01:13:48,664 So, we had a conversation about Decision Day, 1775 01:13:48,757 --> 01:13:52,001 and what our Decision Day answers would potentially be, 1776 01:13:52,085 --> 01:13:53,669 which, as it stands, as of today, 1777 01:13:53,753 --> 01:13:55,754 it's a no for both of us. 1778 01:13:55,848 --> 01:13:57,515 And because of that, I'm just like, eh, 1779 01:13:57,674 --> 01:14:00,926 if Decision Day is going to be a no, 1780 01:14:01,019 --> 01:14:02,687 why even sleep in the same bedroom? 1781 01:14:02,771 --> 01:14:04,105 - Why are we switching up anything? 1782 01:14:04,264 --> 01:14:06,098 - Then why were we talking about it if it's not today? 1783 01:14:06,183 --> 01:14:08,684 Why were you asking me, "If Decision Day was today, 1784 01:14:08,777 --> 01:14:11,437 if Decision Day was today..." 1785 01:14:11,530 --> 01:14:13,614 And you said your answer, and I said my answer. 1786 01:14:13,699 --> 01:14:15,032 And then, we said, "Oh, okay." Like, so-- 1787 01:14:15,192 --> 01:14:17,285 - 'Cause I feel like every day--every day, you switch up, 1788 01:14:17,369 --> 01:14:18,786 like, how you feel, so I'm just like-- 1789 01:14:18,871 --> 01:14:20,788 - And I said, I don't know. And what's wrong with that? 1790 01:14:20,873 --> 01:14:22,198 I don't have to jump to the conclusion. 1791 01:14:22,282 --> 01:14:23,624 I don't have to forecast. 1792 01:14:23,783 --> 01:14:26,452 I can literally--I literally allow myself the opportunity 1793 01:14:26,545 --> 01:14:28,037 to change my mind every [bleep] day, 1794 01:14:28,121 --> 01:14:30,631 especially in this situation. - Right. I understand that. 1795 01:14:30,790 --> 01:14:32,467 But I don't understand why should we sleep-- 1796 01:14:32,626 --> 01:14:33,968 We should sleep in separate rooms right now. 1797 01:14:34,127 --> 01:14:36,212 I don't get--that doesn't help anything; that only hurts. 1798 01:14:36,305 --> 01:14:37,630 - I don't see why not. 1799 01:14:37,723 --> 01:14:40,308 How does it hurt? Tell me how it hurts. 1800 01:14:40,467 --> 01:14:42,635 - Because, like, it's been going great for us, so, like, 1801 01:14:42,719 --> 01:14:44,812 why--why are we switching-- Why are we switching it up now? 1802 01:14:44,971 --> 01:14:46,981 - If it's been going great, why did we both say 1803 01:14:47,140 --> 01:14:49,975 Decision Day would be a no? - Because we not there yet. 1804 01:14:50,068 --> 01:14:51,402 But it's--like, do you not see, like-- 1805 01:14:51,561 --> 01:14:52,561 - Then it's not going great! 1806 01:14:52,646 --> 01:14:54,230 - No, do you not see a upward trend? 1807 01:14:54,314 --> 01:14:56,649 Like, what the [bleep]? 1808 01:14:56,742 --> 01:14:58,326 I'm literally saying, I don't know now. 1809 01:14:58,410 --> 01:15:00,402 Like, I told the people-- The guys today-- 1810 01:15:00,487 --> 01:15:02,079 I just said, "I don't know." - You literally-- 1811 01:15:02,164 --> 01:15:03,998 Today, you said no. You told the guys you don't know. 1812 01:15:04,082 --> 01:15:05,574 - No. No. Michaela. - And that's fine. 1813 01:15:05,659 --> 01:15:07,243 You can tell them whatever the [bleep] you want. 1814 01:15:07,327 --> 01:15:08,661 But you told me no. 1815 01:15:08,754 --> 01:15:10,329 - We both said we would say no. - Today. 1816 01:15:10,422 --> 01:15:12,831 - We both said we would say no, correct? 1817 01:15:12,925 --> 01:15:14,425 - And I said I don't know, 'cause I don't want 1818 01:15:14,510 --> 01:15:16,010 to forecast. - Oh, my [bleep] God. 1819 01:15:16,094 --> 01:15:18,337 - What--when you asked me-- - A'ight, I'm [bleep]--I'm out. 1820 01:15:18,421 --> 01:15:21,507 - Okay, so Zack wanted to end his diary cam, which is fine. 1821 01:15:21,600 --> 01:15:23,259 But, we actually had a conversation. 1822 01:15:23,343 --> 01:15:25,102 We sat right there at that table. 1823 01:15:25,187 --> 01:15:28,097 And when asked, when pressed about what my answer would be, 1824 01:15:28,181 --> 01:15:30,525 I said, "I don't know." Today, he was like, 1825 01:15:30,684 --> 01:15:32,193 "What is your answer gonna be?" And I said, I-- 1826 01:15:32,352 --> 01:15:33,852 - Wait, wait, that's not what happened, bro. 1827 01:15:33,946 --> 01:15:35,187 What the [bleep] are talking about? 1828 01:15:35,280 --> 01:15:37,114 That's not what happened. - I said, "I don't know." 1829 01:15:37,274 --> 01:15:38,357 That is genuinely my answer. 1830 01:15:38,441 --> 01:15:39,942 - Michaela, we both said we'd say no today. 1831 01:15:40,026 --> 01:15:41,110 - If we're talking about today-- 1832 01:15:41,203 --> 01:15:42,861 - We both said--we said-- - On Decision Day! 1833 01:15:42,946 --> 01:15:45,289 If today was Decision Day, we would say no. 1834 01:15:45,448 --> 01:15:46,874 - Okay. - Decision Day? 1835 01:15:46,959 --> 01:15:49,868 I don't know! - Okay. 1836 01:15:49,953 --> 01:15:54,039 ♪ ♪ 1837 01:15:54,132 --> 01:15:57,134 - So, I just asked Zack if we were good. 1838 01:15:57,219 --> 01:15:59,378 And he literally is ignoring me. 1839 01:15:59,471 --> 01:16:02,390 Like, he will not talk to me now. 1840 01:16:02,474 --> 01:16:04,392 - Michaela doesn't want to sleep in the same bed anymore, 1841 01:16:04,476 --> 01:16:05,643 so I'm just gonna go home tonight. 1842 01:16:05,802 --> 01:16:08,721 I don't really want to be here, 1843 01:16:08,805 --> 01:16:10,690 and I don't think I should have to be here. 1844 01:16:15,395 --> 01:16:18,147 ♪ ♪ 1845 01:16:18,240 --> 01:16:20,816 - ♪ Where I lay, in an empty bed, beside me ♪ 1846 01:16:20,900 --> 01:16:22,985 ♪ ♪ 1847 01:16:23,069 --> 01:16:25,654 ♪ You're not here, seems that I'm alone ♪ 1848 01:16:25,739 --> 01:16:27,582 ♪ ♪ 1849 01:16:27,666 --> 01:16:29,408 - I haven't seen you in so long, since the wedding. 1850 01:16:29,501 --> 01:16:31,335 - Yeah. Day after the wedding. 1851 01:16:31,420 --> 01:16:32,670 - Day after the wedding. That's true. 1852 01:16:32,754 --> 01:16:34,663 I forgot about that. I don't even remember that. 1853 01:16:34,748 --> 01:16:36,165 - It's been a long time. - It has been so long. 1854 01:16:36,249 --> 01:16:37,508 But, it's only been, 1855 01:16:37,593 --> 01:16:38,834 I don't know, like six weeks or so. 1856 01:16:38,918 --> 01:16:40,169 - Yeah. 1857 01:16:40,253 --> 01:16:41,679 - Um... 1858 01:16:41,838 --> 01:16:43,839 [sighs] - [chuckles] 1859 01:16:43,932 --> 01:16:46,100 - So, look, I need help. 1860 01:16:48,520 --> 01:16:49,604 We're struggling a little bit. 1861 01:16:49,688 --> 01:16:52,681 - Yeah, I've heard a little bit. 1862 01:16:52,774 --> 01:16:54,775 - I've been wanting to talk to Alexa for a long time, 1863 01:16:54,934 --> 01:16:59,280 because Ryan struggles to express himself, 1864 01:16:59,439 --> 01:17:02,524 and I feel like she knows him the best. 1865 01:17:02,618 --> 01:17:05,620 If I'm gonna talk to anybody that can give me advice, 1866 01:17:05,704 --> 01:17:07,613 it would be her. 1867 01:17:07,706 --> 01:17:11,533 The hovering topic is, I'm not his type, 1868 01:17:11,627 --> 01:17:13,628 to which I always say, "You're not mine either." 1869 01:17:13,712 --> 01:17:15,713 - Mm-hmm. - And that's okay, for me, 1870 01:17:15,797 --> 01:17:18,123 because I think there's a lot of things on the surface 1871 01:17:18,208 --> 01:17:20,301 we don't have in common when you look at us. 1872 01:17:20,385 --> 01:17:21,969 But I think there's a lot of things underneath 1873 01:17:22,054 --> 01:17:23,295 that we do have in common. - Mm-hmm. 1874 01:17:23,388 --> 01:17:24,546 - And I need to get to know him. 1875 01:17:24,631 --> 01:17:26,298 Like, I want to know everything about him. 1876 01:17:26,391 --> 01:17:27,800 But it's like-- - Like pulling teeth. 1877 01:17:27,893 --> 01:17:30,052 - I don't know how to. - Mm-hmm. 1878 01:17:30,136 --> 01:17:31,637 - I really don't know how to. 1879 01:17:31,730 --> 01:17:33,814 - Well, the advice I can give you-- 1880 01:17:33,973 --> 01:17:36,150 An introvert, to Ryan being an introvert-- 1881 01:17:36,309 --> 01:17:38,736 Is, when he's put on the spot-- - Mm-hmm. 1882 01:17:38,820 --> 01:17:40,479 - He's gonna probably tell you 1883 01:17:40,563 --> 01:17:41,814 what you want to hear, or walk away. 1884 01:17:41,907 --> 01:17:43,816 - Mm-hmm. I have felt like-- 1885 01:17:43,900 --> 01:17:45,401 That he's just not interested at all. 1886 01:17:45,485 --> 01:17:49,246 ♪ ♪ 1887 01:17:49,406 --> 01:17:51,165 - When did he flip on you? 1888 01:17:51,324 --> 01:17:53,334 'Cause I know the wedding was really good. 1889 01:17:53,418 --> 01:17:54,993 I feel like our families hit it off really well. 1890 01:17:55,087 --> 01:17:56,578 - Yeah! - And when y'all were 1891 01:17:56,663 --> 01:17:58,005 on your honeymoon-- - Oh, yeah. 1892 01:17:58,090 --> 01:17:59,081 - We FaceTimed each other, 1893 01:17:59,174 --> 01:18:01,008 and everything was still going great. 1894 01:18:01,093 --> 01:18:03,678 He said you guys never run out of things to talk about. 1895 01:18:03,762 --> 01:18:04,929 You just lay in bed and just talk. 1896 01:18:05,013 --> 01:18:06,088 - Mm-hmm. Totally. 1897 01:18:06,181 --> 01:18:08,507 When we got home, 1898 01:18:08,591 --> 01:18:10,175 back to Houston, and we moved in, 1899 01:18:10,260 --> 01:18:13,187 I think it still felt like that for maybe-- 1900 01:18:13,346 --> 01:18:15,606 I don't know, maybe, like, another week. 1901 01:18:15,691 --> 01:18:18,600 And then--and then, it didn't. 1902 01:18:18,685 --> 01:18:20,185 ♪ ♪ 1903 01:18:20,278 --> 01:18:22,613 - Which, what worries me is that 1904 01:18:22,698 --> 01:18:26,275 it was when he came back here is when things shifted, 1905 01:18:26,359 --> 01:18:28,193 and it makes me wonder if, maybe, 1906 01:18:28,286 --> 01:18:32,281 his head is focused on the past. 1907 01:18:32,365 --> 01:18:34,366 ♪ ♪ 1908 01:18:34,451 --> 01:18:37,211 Like, maybe being back here 1909 01:18:37,295 --> 01:18:42,124 maybe brings back feelings of someone that he liked. 1910 01:18:42,217 --> 01:18:44,543 ♪ ♪ 1911 01:18:44,627 --> 01:18:47,722 Knowing him, and living with him for so long, 1912 01:18:47,806 --> 01:18:50,224 makes me think that he's distracted somewhere. 1913 01:18:50,308 --> 01:18:51,308 - Really? - Yeah. 1914 01:18:51,393 --> 01:18:53,477 - ♪ We had some moments ♪ 1915 01:18:53,636 --> 01:18:54,895 ♪ We were up and down ♪ 1916 01:18:55,054 --> 01:18:56,555 - I mean, that's-- That's where my head is. 1917 01:18:56,639 --> 01:18:58,640 - Yeah. - Since it was such a flip, 1918 01:18:58,725 --> 01:19:01,810 it just makes me think, if that wasn't out there, 1919 01:19:01,895 --> 01:19:04,989 this would still be a honeymoon. 1920 01:19:05,073 --> 01:19:07,983 - ♪ My heart's bleeding ♪ 1921 01:19:08,067 --> 01:19:10,986 - I mean, I wonder. 1922 01:19:11,070 --> 01:19:14,823 ♪ ♪ 1923 01:19:14,916 --> 01:19:17,918 [line trilling] 1924 01:19:18,003 --> 01:19:20,078 - Hey, what's up, guys? - What's up? 1925 01:19:20,172 --> 01:19:22,080 - Can you hear me? - What's up? 1926 01:19:22,165 --> 01:19:23,415 - I know you were expecting Michaela, 1927 01:19:23,508 --> 01:19:25,342 but she canceled last minute. 1928 01:19:25,427 --> 01:19:27,511 Has she reached out to you at all, or no? 1929 01:19:27,596 --> 01:19:30,264 Both: No. - No? 1930 01:19:30,348 --> 01:19:33,017 So, let me just kind of give you, 1931 01:19:33,176 --> 01:19:35,102 like, the--what happened. 1932 01:19:35,187 --> 01:19:38,764 Yesterday, it was a good day, right? 1933 01:19:38,848 --> 01:19:40,441 It has been for the last two weeks. 1934 01:19:40,600 --> 01:19:41,942 You know, there have been ups and downs, 1935 01:19:42,027 --> 01:19:43,944 but it seemed like we've been on the same page. 1936 01:19:44,103 --> 01:19:45,613 And so, one thing we talked about was, 1937 01:19:45,697 --> 01:19:49,608 if Decision Day were today, what would we say? 1938 01:19:49,692 --> 01:19:51,786 And we both said we would say no. 1939 01:19:51,870 --> 01:19:53,445 So, we get back to the apartment, 1940 01:19:53,538 --> 01:19:55,623 and she's like, "Well, you know, 1941 01:19:55,707 --> 01:19:57,282 I want to sleep in separate beds." 1942 01:19:57,375 --> 01:19:59,293 I'm like, "Okay, fine, whatever. 1943 01:19:59,452 --> 01:20:00,795 "If we're sleeping in separate beds, like, 1944 01:20:00,879 --> 01:20:03,047 "then I want to go back to my place tonight to sleep, 1945 01:20:03,131 --> 01:20:04,548 'cause I want to sleep in a nice bed." 1946 01:20:04,707 --> 01:20:06,542 And she said she didn't care if I went to my place tonight. 1947 01:20:06,626 --> 01:20:07,802 I was never saying-- 1948 01:20:07,886 --> 01:20:09,628 - But you know she was lying. - Yeah. Right. 1949 01:20:09,712 --> 01:20:11,213 - You know she was lying when she said that. 1950 01:20:11,297 --> 01:20:14,141 - Right. But here's my thing: then say that. 1951 01:20:14,300 --> 01:20:15,643 If you don't want me to go, then say that. 1952 01:20:15,727 --> 01:20:17,895 So, she texted me literally an hour later: 1953 01:20:17,979 --> 01:20:19,730 "Hey, since you left the apartment, 1954 01:20:19,815 --> 01:20:21,473 "which is not what I wanted at all 1955 01:20:21,558 --> 01:20:22,975 "when requesting separate beds, 1956 01:20:23,068 --> 01:20:25,477 I'm going to go ahead and move out fully tomorrow morning." 1957 01:20:25,570 --> 01:20:26,979 So, she texted me that, and I read it, 1958 01:20:27,063 --> 01:20:30,491 and I literally, like-- There's no way. 1959 01:20:30,575 --> 01:20:32,576 It's like, there's no way, right? 1960 01:20:32,661 --> 01:20:34,486 And, you know, she moved out. 1961 01:20:34,571 --> 01:20:35,988 So, she packed out everything, right? 1962 01:20:36,072 --> 01:20:37,573 So, I just realized, like, she took, 1963 01:20:37,657 --> 01:20:40,325 like, the seasoning and [bleep]. 1964 01:20:40,410 --> 01:20:41,252 - That's annoying. - Yeah. 1965 01:20:41,411 --> 01:20:42,160 - That would annoy me. 1966 01:20:42,245 --> 01:20:43,337 - And I was like, damn, bro. 1967 01:20:43,421 --> 01:20:45,339 Like, that [bleep]. 1968 01:20:45,498 --> 01:20:49,918 - You know what, that is beyond childish. 1969 01:20:50,003 --> 01:20:53,422 It's beyond rude. It's beyond disrespectful. 1970 01:20:53,506 --> 01:20:56,341 It seems like you've been trying as hard as you can 1971 01:20:56,426 --> 01:20:58,519 for as long as you can, and it seems like 1972 01:20:58,603 --> 01:21:01,930 she's not going--she's not-- She's not meeting you halfway. 1973 01:21:02,023 --> 01:21:03,524 - Look, and I'ma say-- 1974 01:21:03,683 --> 01:21:06,018 I'ma say, look, I know I'm not perfect. 1975 01:21:06,102 --> 01:21:07,778 I know I could be doing things better, man. 1976 01:21:07,863 --> 01:21:11,106 But, no matter what people say, I know I've been trying. 1977 01:21:11,190 --> 01:21:14,285 Like, I have never put this much effort into something, 1978 01:21:14,369 --> 01:21:16,278 ever, in my life. 1979 01:21:16,371 --> 01:21:18,289 Seeing Michaela move out for the second time 1980 01:21:18,448 --> 01:21:20,949 is definitely challenging. 1981 01:21:21,042 --> 01:21:22,701 I don't know if it's something that I can overcome, 1982 01:21:22,785 --> 01:21:25,037 just because 1983 01:21:25,121 --> 01:21:28,048 this is the type of reaction that I have trouble with. 1984 01:21:28,133 --> 01:21:31,376 Like, this is, like--this is literally insanity for me. 1985 01:21:31,461 --> 01:21:34,471 And it's like, I can only get mad at myself. 1986 01:21:34,631 --> 01:21:37,132 I'm not even mad at Michaela. I'm just, like, mad at me, 1987 01:21:37,216 --> 01:21:38,800 'cause I'm sitting here talking to you guys. 1988 01:21:38,885 --> 01:21:40,394 - Do you feel like you got fooled or something? 1989 01:21:40,553 --> 01:21:41,896 - No. No. I just-- - Like, you been a fool? 1990 01:21:42,055 --> 01:21:45,641 - No. I mean, you-- I mean, you--maybe. 1991 01:21:45,725 --> 01:21:47,809 But I think, starting now, I'm just gonna start doing [bleep] 1992 01:21:47,894 --> 01:21:49,486 that makes me happy. 1993 01:21:49,571 --> 01:21:51,730 But I've been-- I appreciate you guys 1994 01:21:51,814 --> 01:21:53,324 taking time to talk to me, man. 1995 01:21:53,408 --> 01:21:54,900 If Michaela reaches out, let me know. 1996 01:21:54,984 --> 01:21:56,068 I doubt she will. 1997 01:21:56,152 --> 01:21:58,412 But anyway, thank you, guys. I love you. 1998 01:21:58,496 --> 01:21:59,747 - All right. - Hunt, get better. 1999 01:21:59,831 --> 01:22:01,582 Toliver, keep killing it in school. 2000 01:22:01,741 --> 01:22:04,084 And I will talk to you guys later, okay? 2001 01:22:04,243 --> 01:22:05,661 - Later. - A'ight, bye. I love you. Bye. 2002 01:22:05,745 --> 01:22:08,088 ♪ ♪ 2003 01:22:08,173 --> 01:22:11,008 - ♪ Gems in the dark ♪ 2004 01:22:11,092 --> 01:22:13,669 ♪ Tear me apart ♪ 2005 01:22:13,753 --> 01:22:16,922 ♪ So kind of assess, and try to profess ♪ 2006 01:22:17,006 --> 01:22:19,683 ♪ How did it get this far? ♪ 2007 01:22:19,768 --> 01:22:22,686 ♪ I know that you think you bad ♪ 2008 01:22:22,771 --> 01:22:25,105 ♪ But, honey, I'm not too mad ♪ 2009 01:22:25,190 --> 01:22:26,848 ♪ So why don't you, why don't you ♪ 2010 01:22:26,933 --> 01:22:30,185 ♪ Why don't you quit playing games and get out of my way? ♪ 2011 01:22:30,269 --> 01:22:31,770 ♪ ♪ 2012 01:22:31,854 --> 01:22:34,439 ♪ If we had not been drunk ♪ 2013 01:22:34,524 --> 01:22:37,943 ♪ ♪ 2014 01:22:38,027 --> 01:22:41,363 - Next time on "Married at First Sight," 2015 01:22:41,456 --> 01:22:43,448 with just two weeks until Decision Day... 2016 01:22:43,533 --> 01:22:44,875 - Whoo! 2017 01:22:44,960 --> 01:22:47,953 - The ranch retreat encourages our couples to bond, 2018 01:22:48,037 --> 01:22:50,205 have fun, and strengthen their connection. 2019 01:22:50,289 --> 01:22:52,216 - Ooh. - Oh, no! Ahh! 2020 01:22:52,300 --> 01:22:53,384 - They just want to eat you. 2021 01:22:53,468 --> 01:22:55,219 Most likely to be petty. 2022 01:22:55,303 --> 01:22:56,378 - I said Michaela. 2023 01:22:56,471 --> 01:22:59,223 She taking batteries out the smoke alarm. 2024 01:22:59,382 --> 01:23:00,557 - I think it's go-time. 2025 01:23:00,642 --> 01:23:03,885 It's not time to relax on our relationship. 2026 01:23:03,970 --> 01:23:05,637 [gunshot] 2027 01:23:05,722 --> 01:23:07,064 - I'm gonna die here today. 2028 01:23:07,148 --> 01:23:09,391 - Getting matched with you was way more work 2029 01:23:09,475 --> 01:23:10,308 than I thought it would be. 2030 01:23:10,393 --> 01:23:12,310 ♪ ♪ 2031 01:23:12,395 --> 01:23:15,072 - I can't! I can't! I can't! 2032 01:23:15,231 --> 01:23:16,240 - I came here for love. 2033 01:23:16,399 --> 01:23:19,076 I did not come here to be disrespected. 2034 01:23:19,235 --> 01:23:20,736 - You say to call you out. 2035 01:23:20,820 --> 01:23:23,080 But when I call you out, this is what happens. 2036 01:23:23,239 --> 01:23:26,575 - I would have preferred, like, individual, separate cabins. 2037 01:23:26,668 --> 01:23:28,076 - This is like, then what do you want? [bleep]. 2038 01:23:28,161 --> 01:23:29,828 ♪ ♪ 2039 01:23:29,912 --> 01:23:31,839 - Get out! 2040 01:23:31,923 --> 01:23:32,998 [glass shatters] 2041 01:23:33,082 --> 01:23:34,508 [bleep]! Get out!