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- ♪ oh ♪
2
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- Clint.
- Nice to meet you.
3
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- Just over one month ago,
4
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Ten singles took
a brave leap of faith
5
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In order to find love.
6
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They married
as complete strangers.
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- ♪ oh ♪
8
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- Last time,
our couples celebrated
9
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Their one-month anniversary
as husband and wife.
10
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- You just love
to have a good time.
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You don't take life
too seriously.
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I like that.
That's growing on me.
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- I think
we've made monumental leaps
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From where we were
even two weeks ago.
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You know, we'll see.
We're both committed people.
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- ♪ I'm ready to love ♪
17
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- Is married sex different
from, like, single sex?
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- A little bit because
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We know we have the rest
of our lives to have sex,
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So we don't feel the pressure
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To do it every time
we're next to each other.
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But at the same time,
we just started,
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So we want to do it
as often as possible.
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- I don't want
to keep getting asked...
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- Ok. So we're committed--
- "have y'all had sex yet?"
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"when are you gonna have sex?"
"why aren't you having sex?"
27
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Ooh, ooh, ooh.
- So are we committed
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To having sex
after decision day...
29
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- Yeah.
- But growing intimacy
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In other ways
before decision day?
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- Yeah.
- Ok.
32
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- I'm starting
to open up to you
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And I'm letting
those walls down.
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It seem like--
- but that's on your time.
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I don't know if I want
to be with somebody
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Who just continues to have
a guard up with somebody
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Who actually wants to be
in this marriage with them.
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♪ ♪
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[goat bleating]
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- And tonight,
with less than four weeks
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Until decision day...
- Ooh.
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- Our couples must find
new ways of going deeper
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In hopes of learning more
about their spouse.
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- What about chemistry
and intimacy?
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How is that increasing?
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- ♪ turn me on,
turn me on ♪
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♪ lay me down,
lay me down ♪
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- We've been
doing better at it.
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[laughter]
we've been doing better.
50
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- What worries you most
at the moment?
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- Our marriage.
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I just started to love myself.
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And now, I'm in this marriage
that I've longed for forever,
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And now my person
not even feeling me.
55
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- I want to know
what makes gina gina.
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I want to know what her hopes
and her dreams are.
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- That's been what we've said
for three weeks.
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It's like, "I really want to
get to know gina to her crust,"
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And all these things,
but he's never asked me
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Any deep-ended questions.
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♪ ♪
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- I've noticed,
since we've been married,
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That it's been really
challenging to be open
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Because I've never really felt
like I could be vulnerable.
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♪ ♪
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I'm a little worried
that I'll just wake up
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And this little, happy life
we're living won't--
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Won't be so happy anymore.
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♪ ♪
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- You both made
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This enormous commitment
to each other.
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You need to go over and above
what feels easy.
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I'm asking you
to dig deep and do that.
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♪ ♪
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- It's all or nothing ♪
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- This is
"married at first sight."
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♪ there's no other way ♪
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♪ ♪
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♪ it's all or nothing ♪
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- ♪ wash your love,
feel it all over ♪
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♪ soak it up, yeah ♪
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♪ till you shine,
shine, shine ♪
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♪ and leave it all behind ♪
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♪ oh, live a little louder ♪
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♪ oh ♪
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- Hello. Hi.
- Hello.
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[goat bleating]
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- My dad has always
been supportive of me
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But not necessarily
of this experiment.
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Hi, goat.
- Are you gonna join us?
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- So I really want
to do a fun activity
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With my dad and chris
to really get us all bonded
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And also share a little bit
of something
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My dad and I love
to do together.
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- Ok.
[goat bleating]
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- It's ok, baby.
- Nicole, is that you?
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- I got you.
[goat bleating]
98
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- Ok, good.
So we're gonna inhale.
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Bring your arms up overhead.
100
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And then exhale, fold over.
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- ♪ it's all little things
that keep my heart singing ♪
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- Press yourself back
into a downward facing goat.
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- My dad and I started our
regular yoga practice together
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At a time that was really
stressful for both of us.
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- Here we go.
Climb the hill.
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Climb the hill.
- Parkour.
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And it made us stronger,
made us better people,
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Have a better relationship.
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- [chuckles]
look at your dad.
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- I'm hopeful that by him
spending more time with chris
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And having
a little fun together...
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- Hey, the horns don't work.
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[honks]
oh, they do. Sorry.
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- That he'll be supportive
of not only me
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But me, chris, our marriage,
and this process.
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That would be the dream.
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[laughter]
118
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- Thank you so much
for coming to class.
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That's the end.
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I'll just leave you some time
to just hang out
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With the goats
for a little bit, ok?
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- Thank you.
- Thank you.
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- Namaste.
[goat bleating]
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How young was she when she
started doing yoga with you?
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- Well, I brought him to yoga.
- Oh, you brought him.
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Oh, ok.
- She introduced me to yoga.
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- He, of course,
had to outdo me
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And became a yoga instructor.
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- And I used to teach
at her college.
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Rugby guys.
- The entire rugby team.
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- The entire rugby team,
we taught them.
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They were good guys,
not flexible.
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[laughter]
134
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- So I was wanting to get,
like, your perspective
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Of how she was growing up
and how she's changed
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And developed and stuff
like that over the years.
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- You could be honest.
- Yeah.
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- Ok, well, I mean,
her mother and I were divorced.
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And nicole was--
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- Four.
- But we were close.
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I mean, nobody knew
we were divorced.
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We went
to all the school functions.
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It was never--
that wasn't the problem.
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The thing is, is that as nicole
got older and became a teen,
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It was like, she didn't want
to spend time with me.
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Why would she?
She had to come to my house.
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She had to sleep on a couch.
I didn't have another bedroom.
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It was difficult.
And she would talk back to me.
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She didn't want to be with me.
She would, um...
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She would ditch me when
she was supposed to visit me.
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She was--she had an attitude.
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But she's learned to grow.
She's grown as a person.
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I mean, I'm sure you were
different when you were 21.
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You were 20, also.
- Yeah.
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00:05:53,103 --> 00:05:55,896
- She's grown as a person.
- Yeah.
156
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So when did you think nicole
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Saw the biggest change
in her life?
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- Right now.
- Right now?
159
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- This is it.
All this.
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[gentle music]
161
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- Have you ever
seen me this happy?
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- Um...
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You're not as much happy
as you're content right now.
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And you have been
so not contented in life
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That that makes you happy.
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That's a good sign.
167
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I mean,
I'm cautiously optimistic.
168
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I mean, nobody knows
what can happen in this world.
169
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But where we are right now,
I couldn't be happier.
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♪ ♪
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He's still her "husband,"
as I call them--call him.
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And he is still
my "son-in-law."
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But as time goes on,
the quotes will go away.
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And we'll see
what life brings.
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You know, they're still here.
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They're still standing,
as they say.
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You know what?
You can call me dad.
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After we did this,
you can call me dad.
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♪ way past the feelings ♪
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♪ I think I made it
to your side ♪
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- You said I had to wait
till decision day
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Or until this is all was over,
so what changed?
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- No, what I said is that
you had to earn my respect
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And I had to earn yours,
so I don't know
185
00:07:03,674 --> 00:07:05,172
If I've earned yours,
but you've earned mine.
186
00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:06,824
- You've earned mine.
You've earned mine, for sure.
187
00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:08,218
- I mean, I thought
it would take eight weeks,
188
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But doggone it!
189
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You're genuinely concerned
about my daughter
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And my daughter is
genuinely concerned about you,
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And that's all I ask.
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- ♪ it feels like happiness ♪
193
00:07:17,688 --> 00:07:19,587
♪ yeah, I guess
I think I'm happy now ♪
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♪ ♪
195
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[bleeding fingers'
"wheel of moonshine"]
196
00:07:24,862 --> 00:07:27,770
♪ ♪
197
00:07:28,031 --> 00:07:30,907
- I'm so happy dr. Pepper
is coming to see us today.
198
00:07:31,076 --> 00:07:32,950
- Finish chewing, please.
199
00:07:33,036 --> 00:07:35,211
- Don't you start
on messing with me today.
200
00:07:35,372 --> 00:07:38,781
- Every couple is on their
own unique marriage journey,
201
00:07:39,042 --> 00:07:42,185
But with less than four weeks
left before decision day,
202
00:07:42,379 --> 00:07:45,622
It's our job as experts to help
these relationships progress.
203
00:07:45,782 --> 00:07:47,890
- Hello!
204
00:07:48,051 --> 00:07:50,451
- This week, I will be meeting
with each of the couples
205
00:07:50,554 --> 00:07:51,794
And encouraging them
206
00:07:52,014 --> 00:07:54,647
To reveal vulnerabilities
about themselves.
207
00:07:54,725 --> 00:07:55,998
- Wow, these are
such beautiful flowers.
208
00:07:56,226 --> 00:07:58,568
Who got them for you?
- You got them for me.
209
00:07:58,687 --> 00:08:00,353
- Learning these things
about each other
210
00:08:00,606 --> 00:08:03,356
Will have a major impact
on whether they decide
211
00:08:03,567 --> 00:08:06,226
To stay married
or get a divorce.
212
00:08:06,403 --> 00:08:08,277
- ♪ you, baby ♪
213
00:08:08,405 --> 00:08:11,247
♪ you win
at everything you do, baby ♪
214
00:08:11,325 --> 00:08:13,533
♪ I got you, baby ♪
215
00:08:13,744 --> 00:08:15,944
- What questions
should we ask her?
216
00:08:16,038 --> 00:08:18,705
I mean, I'm sure she's
gonna ask us how we're doing.
217
00:08:18,949 --> 00:08:20,673
- It's so much you can ask,
218
00:08:20,792 --> 00:08:23,401
But when, you know,
when they're not around,
219
00:08:23,587 --> 00:08:25,486
It's like, I wish
they was here at this moment.
220
00:08:25,589 --> 00:08:26,713
And I would ask them--
221
00:08:26,965 --> 00:08:29,265
- Like the other day,
I was hoping that somebody
222
00:08:29,426 --> 00:08:31,443
Would have been here, when
we were sitting on the couch.
223
00:08:31,595 --> 00:08:32,919
- It just seem like,
in your life,
224
00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:35,989
That it's always been on
your time of what you wanted,
225
00:08:36,141 --> 00:08:39,559
And for me, like,
nah, that ain't gonna fly.
226
00:08:39,770 --> 00:08:42,896
It's not all about kirsten.
227
00:08:43,106 --> 00:08:44,497
- Like,
sometimes I know I struggle
228
00:08:44,608 --> 00:08:46,066
With telling you how I feel.
229
00:08:46,318 --> 00:08:47,934
- Yeah, but I have
some additional questions
230
00:08:48,111 --> 00:08:49,919
I want to ask too.
231
00:08:49,947 --> 00:08:51,821
- Ask away.
232
00:08:52,107 --> 00:08:53,740
The other night was
a tough night for us.
233
00:08:53,951 --> 00:08:55,441
And I'm like,
we need a expert here.
234
00:08:55,619 --> 00:08:58,477
We need somebody
to come mediate.
235
00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:02,707
You know, I may have one
or two questions today, but--
236
00:09:02,793 --> 00:09:05,285
- Five questions tomorrow?
- Yeah, probably 12.
237
00:09:05,420 --> 00:09:06,878
Shoot.
238
00:09:07,172 --> 00:09:10,607
It sound like we couldn't
come to any type of solution
239
00:09:10,676 --> 00:09:12,092
Or any type of agreement.
240
00:09:12,344 --> 00:09:16,446
And I'm like, how do we get
through times like that?
241
00:09:16,515 --> 00:09:17,614
Dr. Pepper.
- Hi.
242
00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:18,907
- Hey.
- So good to see you guys.
243
00:09:18,976 --> 00:09:20,058
- How are you?
244
00:09:20,310 --> 00:09:21,884
- [laughs]
- we brought you cookies!
245
00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:24,103
- Oh, bad girl.
246
00:09:24,147 --> 00:09:26,022
Thank you.
- Good to see you!
247
00:09:26,275 --> 00:09:27,890
I love your blouse.
You look so beautiful.
248
00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:29,142
- Oh, thank you.
- Hi.
249
00:09:29,152 --> 00:09:30,277
How are you?
- I am good.
250
00:09:30,487 --> 00:09:32,553
It's just really great
to see you guys.
251
00:09:32,656 --> 00:09:33,980
- How have you been?
252
00:09:34,157 --> 00:09:36,891
- I have been great, actually.
253
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:38,909
But, you know,
the important thing
254
00:09:38,996 --> 00:09:42,289
Is that I'm here
to help you guys, you know?
255
00:09:42,541 --> 00:09:46,293
I want to know what you are
wanting some guidance on
256
00:09:46,503 --> 00:09:48,795
'cause I helped
put you together.
257
00:09:49,006 --> 00:09:51,030
I want to keep you together.
258
00:09:51,258 --> 00:09:53,850
- I mean, I would say
the biggest thing right now
259
00:09:54,011 --> 00:09:57,195
Is just learning how
to communicate with each other,
260
00:09:57,347 --> 00:09:59,272
Especially, like,
when we're having disagreements
261
00:09:59,349 --> 00:10:02,309
Or when we're not
on the same page.
262
00:10:02,561 --> 00:10:04,769
- Let me give you two keys
that I use for myself
263
00:10:04,855 --> 00:10:06,846
That I think
are really important.
264
00:10:07,024 --> 00:10:09,149
One is to make no assumptions,
265
00:10:09,359 --> 00:10:10,850
Because whatever you assumed
266
00:10:11,069 --> 00:10:13,611
Has got a good chance
of being wrong.
267
00:10:13,614 --> 00:10:14,904
Second rule--
268
00:10:15,198 --> 00:10:17,841
This is pepper schwartz's
reinterpretation of the bible.
269
00:10:17,868 --> 00:10:18,825
[laughter]
270
00:10:18,994 --> 00:10:20,160
"you know, do unto others
271
00:10:20,370 --> 00:10:21,769
As you would have them done
unto you."
272
00:10:21,930 --> 00:10:23,245
No.
273
00:10:23,290 --> 00:10:24,797
[laughs]
- mm-hmm.
274
00:10:24,916 --> 00:10:28,134
- In relationships,
it is do unto others
275
00:10:28,211 --> 00:10:30,253
As they would have done
unto themselves.
276
00:10:30,547 --> 00:10:33,422
"what's my partner need?"
"how will they receive this?"
277
00:10:33,508 --> 00:10:36,776
You will be able
to get more trust.
278
00:10:36,887 --> 00:10:39,303
You will be able
to be more vulnerable
279
00:10:39,431 --> 00:10:43,049
Because you will feel
understood and taken care of.
280
00:10:43,268 --> 00:10:45,401
Does that make sense?
- That makes a lot of sense
281
00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:48,979
And relating to what we've been
through so far, honestly.
282
00:10:49,066 --> 00:10:51,916
Like, I definitely feel
like that's the friction
283
00:10:52,069 --> 00:10:54,151
That we've been having
right now in our marriage.
284
00:10:54,237 --> 00:10:57,756
- So what I want
to talk about today
285
00:10:57,949 --> 00:11:00,900
Is how you can be more open
because that's what it'll take
286
00:11:01,078 --> 00:11:03,136
To be able
to confide in each other
287
00:11:03,246 --> 00:11:04,912
To deepen this relationship.
288
00:11:04,915 --> 00:11:06,564
I mean, I don't know.
289
00:11:06,792 --> 00:11:09,442
When you think about, like,
going back to your childhood,
290
00:11:09,461 --> 00:11:11,043
Was there anything
in your family
291
00:11:11,045 --> 00:11:12,837
Or growing up as a little kid
292
00:11:12,923 --> 00:11:15,948
Where you feel there were
things that affected you?
293
00:11:15,950 --> 00:11:18,175
And can you explain it in a way
294
00:11:18,261 --> 00:11:22,388
So he would understand
vulnerabilities you have?
295
00:11:22,432 --> 00:11:24,340
- When my mom and dad split up,
296
00:11:24,518 --> 00:11:27,327
It was a little shameful,
you know?
297
00:11:27,437 --> 00:11:29,670
I think that just
with that separation,
298
00:11:29,873 --> 00:11:33,082
Like, it made me just,
299
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:37,011
I guess,
become more so closed off
300
00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:39,605
Because I didn't understand
what happened
301
00:11:39,866 --> 00:11:43,635
And why it happened and,
you know, how my life changed
302
00:11:43,787 --> 00:11:46,045
Because I'm living
in two different households.
303
00:11:46,164 --> 00:11:48,448
So that was really
a difficult time for me.
304
00:11:48,709 --> 00:11:51,208
Like, it was always me
making my own decisions.
305
00:11:51,294 --> 00:11:54,887
And I always tried
to handle my own issues
306
00:11:54,965 --> 00:11:57,090
And my own sadness by myself,
307
00:11:57,384 --> 00:12:01,094
So sometimes I would, like,
sweep how I feel under the rug,
308
00:12:01,346 --> 00:12:03,646
You know, and not really
talk to people all the time
309
00:12:03,807 --> 00:12:06,224
About how I feel,
or what I'm thinking, so...
310
00:12:06,476 --> 00:12:09,210
- You think it's affecting
your marriage a bit?
311
00:12:09,312 --> 00:12:11,654
- Possibly so, yes.
312
00:12:11,815 --> 00:12:15,308
- Marriage requires letting
down a lot of those boundaries
313
00:12:15,569 --> 00:12:17,777
And trusting the other person
to take care of you
314
00:12:18,029 --> 00:12:20,746
And being able to let them
take care of you some
315
00:12:20,824 --> 00:12:22,899
And still not feel
like you're losing,
316
00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:26,727
You know, this hard-fought,
you know, sense of yourself
317
00:12:26,955 --> 00:12:30,064
As a competent person
who can survive and flourish.
318
00:12:30,167 --> 00:12:32,708
But you can do both.
319
00:12:32,753 --> 00:12:34,735
And that's the art of it.
320
00:12:34,838 --> 00:12:37,446
- Yeah.
321
00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:39,932
- You're such
a positive person, shaquille.
322
00:12:40,051 --> 00:12:42,351
Are there any things
in your background, though,
323
00:12:42,512 --> 00:12:46,188
That you feel shame about,
that you had to wrestle with?
324
00:12:46,349 --> 00:12:49,767
- My mom worked a lot,
and at one point in my life,
325
00:12:49,853 --> 00:12:52,937
Um, I just felt like
the presence wasn't there.
326
00:12:53,023 --> 00:12:55,105
Like, she always
provided food on the table
327
00:12:55,192 --> 00:12:56,866
And always worked to give us
a quality lifestyle,
328
00:12:57,027 --> 00:12:59,260
But I wanted so much more
because I thought--
329
00:12:59,362 --> 00:13:00,487
- What did you want?
330
00:13:00,739 --> 00:13:02,446
- You know, I looked
at other people's family
331
00:13:02,532 --> 00:13:04,240
And saw, like,
the perfect family.
332
00:13:04,493 --> 00:13:06,709
Like, I found
my biological father at 17,
333
00:13:06,787 --> 00:13:07,960
When I went to college,
334
00:13:08,079 --> 00:13:10,463
But it was a shameful thing
to be like,
335
00:13:10,540 --> 00:13:11,897
"well,
where you been at for 17 years
336
00:13:12,042 --> 00:13:13,774
And you knew you was my dad?"
337
00:13:13,919 --> 00:13:15,292
And I held a grudge against him
338
00:13:15,378 --> 00:13:16,669
Till, like, one day,
we had a conversation.
339
00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:18,171
I was like,
"you know, I forgive you.
340
00:13:18,423 --> 00:13:23,209
And I'm ready to move
this relationship forward."
341
00:13:23,470 --> 00:13:25,394
And a lot of times,
I had to forgive myself
342
00:13:25,555 --> 00:13:27,514
'cause I was setting
the expectations for them
343
00:13:27,724 --> 00:13:29,215
That I didn't even realize.
344
00:13:29,392 --> 00:13:32,126
- We definitely can,
you know,
345
00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:34,804
Understand each other
a little bit better.
346
00:13:34,815 --> 00:13:36,147
- Well,
I think that's important.
347
00:13:36,358 --> 00:13:39,441
All these stories
are important.
348
00:13:39,569 --> 00:13:44,030
Let's talk about another area
of perhaps difference.
349
00:13:44,241 --> 00:13:46,783
So what about chemistry
and intimacy?
350
00:13:46,952 --> 00:13:48,409
How is that increasing?
351
00:13:50,747 --> 00:13:52,288
- You can talk about it.
- [chuckles]
352
00:13:52,490 --> 00:13:55,249
- Yes? No?
- Mm...
353
00:13:55,252 --> 00:13:56,942
♪ ♪
354
00:13:57,087 --> 00:13:58,645
We've been doing better at it.
355
00:13:58,755 --> 00:14:00,329
- [laughs]
- 'cause at first--
356
00:14:00,590 --> 00:14:02,832
- "we've been better at it."
- we've been doing better.
357
00:14:03,093 --> 00:14:06,010
'cause at first, it was
she didn't want to kiss at all.
358
00:14:06,096 --> 00:14:07,770
She was like, "it's
gonna take a little time."
359
00:14:07,848 --> 00:14:09,222
Great.
I accepted it.
360
00:14:09,432 --> 00:14:10,848
We'll see each other.
I'll hug her.
361
00:14:10,976 --> 00:14:12,925
I'll give her a forehead kiss.
And then it started growing.
362
00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:15,444
And then it was like,
"well, I want a kiss."
363
00:14:15,605 --> 00:14:18,355
But that just sort of happened
when I wasn't my best self.
364
00:14:18,441 --> 00:14:19,690
There's a lot of things
happening in my life.
365
00:14:19,734 --> 00:14:20,866
- Yeah.
- I could've had
366
00:14:20,944 --> 00:14:22,068
A busy week at work.
Like, last week
367
00:14:22,279 --> 00:14:24,787
Just wasn't a good week
mentally for me.
368
00:14:24,948 --> 00:14:26,339
And there was one morning
where I went to work
369
00:14:26,449 --> 00:14:27,698
And I didn't do
the forehead kiss
370
00:14:27,784 --> 00:14:29,775
'cause she was
smuggled in a pillow
371
00:14:29,953 --> 00:14:31,210
And I didn't want to wake her.
372
00:14:31,329 --> 00:14:32,579
And then, I got
a text message saying,
373
00:14:32,789 --> 00:14:35,189
"well, I need,
you know, the kisses."
374
00:14:35,292 --> 00:14:37,250
- Well, first of all,
375
00:14:37,419 --> 00:14:40,377
A forehead kiss is...Ok
376
00:14:40,463 --> 00:14:44,107
As a mix
of other big kind of kisses.
377
00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:47,384
But I would try
and graduate pdq
378
00:14:47,429 --> 00:14:50,613
To real,
serious spousal kisses.
379
00:14:50,724 --> 00:14:54,242
Is that too much
to think about?
380
00:14:54,311 --> 00:14:55,727
- No, it's not.
381
00:14:55,979 --> 00:14:57,795
- Because
if she makes a bid to say,
382
00:14:57,981 --> 00:15:00,139
"I need kisses,"
or, "I need more from you.
383
00:15:00,358 --> 00:15:03,142
I want to know you want me,"
it's a serious thing
384
00:15:03,361 --> 00:15:06,779
Because we need them
to have the courage,
385
00:15:07,032 --> 00:15:10,049
The vulnerability
to give more of ourselves.
386
00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:13,620
So by drawing back
from her, shaquille,
387
00:15:13,863 --> 00:15:15,421
That's gonna feel rejecting.
388
00:15:15,540 --> 00:15:17,832
That's gonna feel like
you don't want her.
389
00:15:18,001 --> 00:15:19,075
Maybe you're angry.
390
00:15:19,294 --> 00:15:21,677
Maybe you feel like
you're still reacting
391
00:15:21,838 --> 00:15:24,505
To when she was saying,
"no, I don't need kisses then."
392
00:15:24,507 --> 00:15:26,165
That was then.
393
00:15:26,176 --> 00:15:27,917
You got to put away
all that stuff,
394
00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:30,411
If you're still holding on
to any of it,
395
00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:35,516
And give her your masculine,
desirous self.
396
00:15:35,685 --> 00:15:38,010
♪ ♪
397
00:15:38,229 --> 00:15:41,605
- Ok. I know what I got to do
to fix the problem.
398
00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:44,275
♪ ♪
399
00:15:47,046 --> 00:15:49,088
- ♪ an electric combination ♪
400
00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:52,157
♪ what a pair we make
between the both of us ♪
401
00:15:52,243 --> 00:15:55,970
♪ never-ending
through the rough times ♪
402
00:15:56,081 --> 00:15:57,938
- Hey, buddy.
What's happening?
403
00:15:58,183 --> 00:15:59,907
- Look at you,
hanging out by the pool.
404
00:15:59,918 --> 00:16:02,501
- Yeah, man.
I'm a pool fool.
405
00:16:02,545 --> 00:16:04,620
How is mrs. Webb?
406
00:16:04,756 --> 00:16:06,280
- Mrs. Webb is, uh--
407
00:16:06,424 --> 00:16:09,333
She's getting used to the name.
408
00:16:09,427 --> 00:16:12,487
- You guys been able to go,
like, sailing or anything?
409
00:16:12,597 --> 00:16:14,263
- Yeah.
I took gina sailing.
410
00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:17,266
She caught on pretty quick.
411
00:16:17,394 --> 00:16:20,377
- So you have a potential
pirate partner there?
412
00:16:20,563 --> 00:16:23,431
- Yeah,
we're getting her a parrot
413
00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:26,075
And a peg leg pretty soon.
- Nice.
414
00:16:26,236 --> 00:16:27,944
- And then, when she starts
to gain glaucoma,
415
00:16:28,113 --> 00:16:29,278
We'll give her the patch.
416
00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:30,780
- [chuckles] yeah.
417
00:16:31,074 --> 00:16:33,582
So what else is going on, man?
What's the news?
418
00:16:33,743 --> 00:16:35,259
- We're in, like,
a really good place now.
419
00:16:35,453 --> 00:16:37,987
Like, we're growing as far as
the relationship is concerned.
420
00:16:38,248 --> 00:16:41,982
But one thing
that we've been lacking
421
00:16:42,127 --> 00:16:44,184
And I've kind of voiced,
is, like,
422
00:16:44,186 --> 00:16:46,078
I want to know the inner crust.
423
00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:48,414
I want to know, like,
everything about you.
424
00:16:48,633 --> 00:16:50,382
You know, we're both in sales,
so we like
425
00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:53,736
To, like, open up the door
by telling a story
426
00:16:53,888 --> 00:16:56,922
And maybe, "hey, let me
share something about me,"
427
00:16:57,142 --> 00:16:59,600
And say, "hey, the door
is wide open if you want
428
00:16:59,811 --> 00:17:01,260
To come through it."
- yeah.
429
00:17:01,479 --> 00:17:03,729
- But if there's
no reciprocating story,
430
00:17:03,857 --> 00:17:06,532
Or sharing of anything,
then you're like, ok, like,
431
00:17:06,651 --> 00:17:08,267
I made an honest attempt.
- I get it.
432
00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:12,213
I mean, like, you and I,
like, we're just open books.
433
00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:14,240
I mean, you got
to get us to shut up.
434
00:17:14,451 --> 00:17:16,826
- Right.
- And it does seem odd
435
00:17:16,995 --> 00:17:19,620
When someone's not that way.
436
00:17:19,622 --> 00:17:20,830
Just remember,
437
00:17:21,124 --> 00:17:22,932
It's like trying to get
a chipmunk to come out--
438
00:17:23,001 --> 00:17:24,133
No sudden movements.
439
00:17:24,169 --> 00:17:25,768
- Right.
440
00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:28,053
- She'll probably,
as she gets more comfortable
441
00:17:28,173 --> 00:17:31,223
In the process,
do it more naturally...
442
00:17:31,342 --> 00:17:32,799
- Yeah.
- Without thinking about it.
443
00:17:32,844 --> 00:17:35,002
- We're in a good place
right now,
444
00:17:35,055 --> 00:17:38,205
But, yeah,
we have a lot to work on.
445
00:17:38,349 --> 00:17:39,540
You know,
another month from now,
446
00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:41,576
And we've got
to sit down and decide.
447
00:17:41,686 --> 00:17:44,320
And trying to strip back
those, you know,
448
00:17:44,439 --> 00:17:47,239
Onion layers in gina,
it's just been a challenge.
449
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,149
So, yeah, I think
it's more just, like,
450
00:17:49,194 --> 00:17:51,043
How do we get
to the next stage?
451
00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:54,063
Like, how do we have the best
information available to us
452
00:17:54,199 --> 00:17:56,749
To make that decision?
453
00:17:56,868 --> 00:17:58,317
- Have a little
margarita night.
454
00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:01,470
- Yeah. We're going
to do keg stands tonight.
455
00:18:01,664 --> 00:18:05,792
"oh, now that you had
3/4 of a keg, who are you?
456
00:18:06,002 --> 00:18:07,143
"what are
your deepest passions?
457
00:18:07,212 --> 00:18:08,610
"what are your thoughts?
458
00:18:08,630 --> 00:18:09,903
"what are the things
that happened to you
459
00:18:10,048 --> 00:18:12,130
"that made you
the way that you are?
460
00:18:12,175 --> 00:18:13,332
Who do you want to be?"
461
00:18:13,510 --> 00:18:16,152
- I mean, it could work.
462
00:18:16,221 --> 00:18:18,520
- Yeah.
Just get in there.
463
00:18:18,556 --> 00:18:21,832
- [laughs]
464
00:18:21,935 --> 00:18:24,118
[pop music]
465
00:18:24,187 --> 00:18:26,662
♪ ♪
466
00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:28,522
- How was work?
- [laughing]
467
00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:31,016
It was work.
It's pretty good.
468
00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:33,427
- So you know
we're about to see dr. Pepper.
469
00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:37,431
I feel like any time
the experts can help,
470
00:18:37,575 --> 00:18:38,782
Like, you know,
I'm here for it.
471
00:18:38,868 --> 00:18:40,359
You know, I'ma be interested
in, you know,
472
00:18:40,578 --> 00:18:42,603
Seeing dr. Pepper's take
on things.
473
00:18:42,705 --> 00:18:44,213
- Yeah, same.
474
00:18:44,374 --> 00:18:46,440
- I feel like women solve
a lot of the problems
475
00:18:46,584 --> 00:18:48,550
In the world, anyways. Like--
- mm.
476
00:18:48,586 --> 00:18:49,793
Do you?
- Yeah.
477
00:18:49,879 --> 00:18:51,504
Like, this world would be crazy
478
00:18:51,714 --> 00:18:53,280
If it was just left up to men.
479
00:18:53,424 --> 00:18:55,207
Like, you know.
- Ok. Hmm...
480
00:18:55,426 --> 00:18:59,119
- So, I mean, aside from eve
ruining, like, civilization.
481
00:18:59,264 --> 00:19:01,230
But all the women after eve...
- Ok.
482
00:19:01,391 --> 00:19:02,973
- You know,
they've done great things.
483
00:19:03,059 --> 00:19:04,233
- Eve ruined it.
- Eve ruined it.
484
00:19:04,269 --> 00:19:06,143
- Ok.
485
00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:08,061
[laughter]
486
00:19:08,148 --> 00:19:12,058
I am super excited
to meet with dr. Pepper.
487
00:19:12,060 --> 00:19:13,860
- There you are.
- Hi!
488
00:19:14,070 --> 00:19:16,228
I'm ready to--
in this moment,
489
00:19:16,447 --> 00:19:19,364
I'm just ready
to lay everything out to her
490
00:19:19,450 --> 00:19:21,884
And just to get her
feedback and her wisdom
491
00:19:21,953 --> 00:19:24,320
On how we should move forward.
492
00:19:24,581 --> 00:19:26,813
- Well, my purpose is
always to help y'all,
493
00:19:26,916 --> 00:19:29,583
So be not afraid.
494
00:19:29,586 --> 00:19:30,977
- Right.
- Ok?
495
00:19:31,087 --> 00:19:32,694
But I do get the feeling
496
00:19:32,922 --> 00:19:36,624
That you guys
have not been progressing
497
00:19:36,634 --> 00:19:40,352
In the way
that we would want you to.
498
00:19:40,471 --> 00:19:46,175
What are the things that you
feel would help you connect?
499
00:19:46,394 --> 00:19:49,870
- Um, I guess
the conversation--
500
00:19:50,064 --> 00:19:52,873
Like, the more deeper
conversations I want to have,
501
00:19:52,984 --> 00:19:55,434
I'm kind of hoping
and leaning on him
502
00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:58,787
To lead and kind of
do those conversations.
503
00:19:58,865 --> 00:20:00,097
Like, the attraction thing,
504
00:20:00,283 --> 00:20:02,858
Like, that kind of
hurt my feelings.
505
00:20:02,994 --> 00:20:04,151
And that was kind of something
506
00:20:04,162 --> 00:20:05,519
I was worried about
coming into this,
507
00:20:05,705 --> 00:20:07,963
But I was like,
oh, you know, whatever.
508
00:20:07,999 --> 00:20:09,114
But it's my reality.
509
00:20:09,375 --> 00:20:12,301
So it was just kind of
like we were existing,
510
00:20:12,462 --> 00:20:16,488
We were stagnant, and I was
just letting it be that.
511
00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:19,058
And I guess I'm just gonna
have to do a better job
512
00:20:19,177 --> 00:20:22,044
Of initiating that with us
and then try and get
513
00:20:22,305 --> 00:20:24,013
The emotional connection
that I need from him,
514
00:20:24,307 --> 00:20:26,540
And, in turn, he might get
the emotional connection
515
00:20:26,643 --> 00:20:29,618
He needs from me.
516
00:20:29,687 --> 00:20:31,503
- Share something now with him
517
00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:35,065
That would let him know
you a little better.
518
00:20:35,068 --> 00:20:36,859
- Mm...
519
00:20:38,955 --> 00:20:40,662
I guess one thing
I can share with you
520
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:44,891
Is how I mentor these girls
521
00:20:45,036 --> 00:20:46,135
And I have these girls
all the time.
522
00:20:46,246 --> 00:20:48,562
And I'm, like,
honing in on them
523
00:20:48,706 --> 00:20:51,248
To, like,
be true to themselves,
524
00:20:51,334 --> 00:20:53,993
And speaking up for themselves,
525
00:20:54,254 --> 00:20:56,245
And not letting anything go
by the wayside.
526
00:20:56,381 --> 00:20:58,356
And I feel like, um,
527
00:20:58,508 --> 00:21:02,301
You know,
I haven't been doing that.
528
00:21:02,553 --> 00:21:06,472
- Why haven't you felt like
you could do this with him?
529
00:21:06,724 --> 00:21:08,749
- I think one
of the biggest things for me
530
00:21:08,935 --> 00:21:10,859
Was we did move
when I was young--
531
00:21:11,020 --> 00:21:13,345
Like, I went
from having all my friends
532
00:21:13,523 --> 00:21:14,880
Till I was, like,
nine years old
533
00:21:15,108 --> 00:21:18,834
To moving to a space
where I didn't fit in anymore.
534
00:21:18,945 --> 00:21:20,795
I had very low self-esteem.
535
00:21:20,989 --> 00:21:24,273
And so, once I got out of
school and I came back here,
536
00:21:24,450 --> 00:21:25,932
It was like I found myself.
537
00:21:26,119 --> 00:21:28,344
I found this person.
I got this self-love.
538
00:21:28,496 --> 00:21:33,357
So the person I am now,
it took a lot to get here.
539
00:21:33,584 --> 00:21:37,386
So I think the biggest thing,
for me, was in this of, like,
540
00:21:37,505 --> 00:21:39,905
Being in my marriage
and him, like, not feeling me,
541
00:21:39,924 --> 00:21:42,191
I'm like,
I just started to love myself.
542
00:21:42,385 --> 00:21:47,471
I just, you know, got to
this person who I am all about.
543
00:21:47,598 --> 00:21:50,540
And now, I'm in this marriage
that I've longed for forever,
544
00:21:50,727 --> 00:21:52,451
And now my person
not even feeling me.
545
00:21:52,603 --> 00:21:56,313
I felt almost like I was
in the marriage by myself.
546
00:21:56,316 --> 00:21:58,057
[tense music]
547
00:21:58,276 --> 00:22:00,909
So it was like,
is it even makes sense
548
00:22:01,029 --> 00:22:02,578
Or is it even worth
me telling him this?
549
00:22:02,655 --> 00:22:04,522
Does he really even care?
550
00:22:04,524 --> 00:22:08,083
♪ ♪
551
00:22:08,244 --> 00:22:10,977
- Have you thought
it might not be about you?
552
00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:12,905
♪ ♪
553
00:22:12,999 --> 00:22:14,147
- No.
554
00:22:14,250 --> 00:22:18,044
♪ ♪
555
00:22:20,715 --> 00:22:22,681
[pensive music]
556
00:22:22,759 --> 00:22:25,042
- This guy's 39 years old.
557
00:22:25,044 --> 00:22:26,927
- Mm-hmm.
558
00:22:26,971 --> 00:22:29,505
- I would say
that it may be something
559
00:22:29,557 --> 00:22:32,058
That he's having trouble
having a connection.
560
00:22:32,268 --> 00:22:34,601
And maybe there are reasons
561
00:22:34,645 --> 00:22:36,312
That you let things
get in the way.
562
00:22:36,564 --> 00:22:39,631
And the lack of chemistry
might be something
563
00:22:39,633 --> 00:22:42,592
That has nothing
to do with her.
564
00:22:42,779 --> 00:22:44,520
It's a possibility to consider.
565
00:22:44,697 --> 00:22:45,862
What do you think?
566
00:22:45,865 --> 00:22:47,990
- Um...
567
00:22:48,159 --> 00:22:50,076
I feel like I've experienced,
568
00:22:50,370 --> 00:22:55,121
Like, some major deaths
in my family, like my father.
569
00:22:55,166 --> 00:22:57,216
You know,
one of my best friends
570
00:22:57,335 --> 00:22:59,218
Killed hisself in high school.
- Mm-hmm.
571
00:22:59,337 --> 00:23:01,670
- My other friend,
my freshman year in college,
572
00:23:01,798 --> 00:23:03,530
We were roommates,
and then, like, my junior year,
573
00:23:03,674 --> 00:23:07,526
He got hit by a drunk driver
and died.
574
00:23:07,678 --> 00:23:11,972
So, like, just kind of being
afraid to be close to people
575
00:23:12,100 --> 00:23:14,475
Because, like, there's
a possibility of them leaving,
576
00:23:14,685 --> 00:23:16,501
That might sound crazy
to someone else,
577
00:23:16,521 --> 00:23:18,962
But that's, like,
just the norm for me.
578
00:23:19,148 --> 00:23:23,225
So I feel like
that has, like, impacted me,
579
00:23:23,444 --> 00:23:28,063
And it's, like,
still impacting me today.
580
00:23:28,324 --> 00:23:30,082
- Do you think
you got married at first sight
581
00:23:30,118 --> 00:23:35,053
To keep you from running?
582
00:23:35,055 --> 00:23:37,239
- Yeah, that's one
of the things, like,
583
00:23:37,417 --> 00:23:39,841
That I was hoping.
584
00:23:39,877 --> 00:23:41,876
And just, you know, like,
585
00:23:42,004 --> 00:23:44,504
You come home and see your dad
cutting grass,
586
00:23:44,590 --> 00:23:46,573
And then you see your dad
in the car
587
00:23:46,759 --> 00:23:48,217
And driving--
working on the car,
588
00:23:48,469 --> 00:23:49,743
And he's showing you
how to change the oil,
589
00:23:49,929 --> 00:23:52,138
Or just outside,
like, playing catch,
590
00:23:52,348 --> 00:23:54,080
Like, I missed a lot of that,
591
00:23:54,225 --> 00:23:57,076
So, like,
I've been yearning for that,
592
00:23:57,186 --> 00:23:59,711
Like, since I was a kid,
you know?
593
00:23:59,939 --> 00:24:04,542
- So what you want the most
might scare you the most,
594
00:24:04,735 --> 00:24:08,620
Because, otherwise, you
might just be in a marriage.
595
00:24:08,781 --> 00:24:12,365
You might settle in.
You might have to invest.
596
00:24:12,452 --> 00:24:14,009
And you'd have
to get over the fear
597
00:24:14,203 --> 00:24:17,212
That that person would be
killed, or die, or leave you.
598
00:24:17,373 --> 00:24:21,700
So the safest way is not
to let yourself be close,
599
00:24:21,878 --> 00:24:24,219
Not to let yourself trust,
600
00:24:24,380 --> 00:24:27,047
Not to let yourself be
dependent on someone's love.
601
00:24:27,049 --> 00:24:29,458
- Yeah, I agree.
602
00:24:29,719 --> 00:24:32,903
- And so, you've got
your work cut out for you.
603
00:24:32,930 --> 00:24:35,622
[laughter]
604
00:24:35,766 --> 00:24:38,383
- Lord.
- 'cause it's a lot to know.
605
00:24:38,603 --> 00:24:40,310
- But that's stuff
that I want to know.
606
00:24:40,396 --> 00:24:42,404
Like, and we haven't
had that conversation.
607
00:24:42,565 --> 00:24:45,724
I didn't even know,
like, any of that.
608
00:24:45,943 --> 00:24:49,003
I mean, I knew the people
that died in his life,
609
00:24:49,155 --> 00:24:52,238
But the other stuff,
I had no clue.
610
00:24:52,325 --> 00:24:54,340
- Well,
he's starting to tell you.
611
00:24:54,342 --> 00:24:55,909
And there's a lot to know.
- Mm-hmm.
612
00:24:55,953 --> 00:24:58,053
- And there's a lot to excavate
613
00:24:58,247 --> 00:25:01,581
And to give him compassion,
to give him support,
614
00:25:01,626 --> 00:25:03,167
Because this is
really hard for him.
615
00:25:03,369 --> 00:25:04,627
- Mm-hmm.
616
00:25:04,837 --> 00:25:06,595
- So tell him
a little bit about
617
00:25:06,756 --> 00:25:10,065
How you feel your family life
has impacted you.
618
00:25:10,176 --> 00:25:12,342
- I feel like--
- to him.
619
00:25:12,470 --> 00:25:15,662
- I've had, you know,
the complete opposite of that.
620
00:25:15,806 --> 00:25:17,589
Like, I had both of my parents.
621
00:25:17,850 --> 00:25:20,600
And I feel like--
I feel like I was sheltered.
622
00:25:20,686 --> 00:25:24,012
They made me think
life was amazing.
623
00:25:24,273 --> 00:25:25,731
I've never seen
my parents argue either,
624
00:25:25,983 --> 00:25:28,617
So that's probably why I'm
a non-confrontational person.
625
00:25:28,778 --> 00:25:31,937
And it's also another reason
why I probably don't know
626
00:25:32,156 --> 00:25:33,847
How to communicate
in my relationships,
627
00:25:33,991 --> 00:25:36,950
Because if they were mad
about something,
628
00:25:37,036 --> 00:25:38,610
We don't know
how they solved it,
629
00:25:38,829 --> 00:25:40,304
We don't know
how they fixed it,
630
00:25:40,498 --> 00:25:42,681
But they did it behind closed
doors and not in front of us.
631
00:25:42,750 --> 00:25:44,458
So I don't have that tool
632
00:25:44,710 --> 00:25:46,968
Of knowing how,
in a relationship,
633
00:25:47,088 --> 00:25:49,471
To work through my things.
- I get that.
634
00:25:49,507 --> 00:25:51,072
It strikes me that,
635
00:25:51,133 --> 00:25:53,091
Even though you have
very different family patterns,
636
00:25:53,219 --> 00:25:57,037
There are certainly
some feelings of loss and pain
637
00:25:57,181 --> 00:25:58,447
That you both share.
- Mm-hmm.
638
00:25:58,641 --> 00:26:01,474
- And we all create
different kinds of defenses.
639
00:26:01,561 --> 00:26:03,118
There's a lot
of understanding and support
640
00:26:03,312 --> 00:26:05,804
You guys can give each other,
but you have to know each other
641
00:26:05,982 --> 00:26:07,648
At this level.
- Mm-hmm.
642
00:26:07,900 --> 00:26:09,850
- And I think the challenge,
for you,
643
00:26:09,860 --> 00:26:12,802
Is to be
who you tell your girls to be.
644
00:26:12,905 --> 00:26:14,413
- Mm-hmm.
645
00:26:14,532 --> 00:26:16,765
- Stand up for yourself.
Say how you're feeling.
646
00:26:16,867 --> 00:26:19,067
Communicate to him.
647
00:26:19,287 --> 00:26:21,787
Your challenge will be
to be open to her,
648
00:26:21,956 --> 00:26:24,072
To try and know her more,
649
00:26:24,208 --> 00:26:26,791
To build that half-full glass,
650
00:26:26,877 --> 00:26:32,572
And not go to the runner
that you've been.
651
00:26:32,717 --> 00:26:34,924
That's not a good place
for you.
652
00:26:34,927 --> 00:26:36,351
It isn't.
653
00:26:36,512 --> 00:26:40,939
You both made this enormous
commitment to each other.
654
00:26:41,100 --> 00:26:43,675
You wanted marriage
because you wanted a connection
655
00:26:43,853 --> 00:26:46,478
That had some gravitas,
656
00:26:46,689 --> 00:26:50,849
Some seriousness,
some commitment.
657
00:26:51,068 --> 00:26:55,620
You need to go over and above
what feels easy
658
00:26:55,656 --> 00:26:58,264
And go to what feels like
659
00:26:58,409 --> 00:27:00,609
You're honoring
that commitment.
660
00:27:00,786 --> 00:27:03,412
This is important.
661
00:27:03,581 --> 00:27:05,097
I'm asking you to dig deep...
662
00:27:05,207 --> 00:27:07,015
And do that.
- Right.
663
00:27:07,209 --> 00:27:09,643
- ♪ and I'll keep hanging on,
hanging on ♪
664
00:27:09,754 --> 00:27:11,970
♪ know that I'm hanging on ♪
665
00:27:12,048 --> 00:27:14,781
♪ hanging on with you ♪
666
00:27:14,884 --> 00:27:16,541
♪ ♪
667
00:27:16,743 --> 00:27:19,886
[pop music]
668
00:27:19,889 --> 00:27:25,117
♪ ♪
669
00:27:25,227 --> 00:27:28,370
- I'm getting sleepy.
670
00:27:28,439 --> 00:27:30,130
Is that your happy food dance
671
00:27:30,316 --> 00:27:32,724
Or something?
- Yeah, when you get food.
672
00:27:32,985 --> 00:27:36,253
- Let me get us a plate
for us to put it on.
673
00:27:36,322 --> 00:27:38,364
There you go.
674
00:27:38,574 --> 00:27:40,048
So you remember the other day,
675
00:27:40,242 --> 00:27:43,309
When we were talking about
making me a real estate logo?
676
00:27:43,454 --> 00:27:44,845
- Mm-hmm.
- Can you help me with that?
677
00:27:44,997 --> 00:27:46,621
Can you, like,
sketch something up?
678
00:27:46,749 --> 00:27:48,873
- Yeah. Do you have an idea
of what you want?
679
00:27:48,918 --> 00:27:51,317
- Hold that thought.
680
00:27:51,504 --> 00:27:53,294
- I consider myself
a successful realtor.
681
00:27:53,422 --> 00:27:55,414
This year has been
a great year for me.
682
00:27:55,633 --> 00:27:58,734
I kind of, like, sketched up
something a couple of times.
683
00:27:58,928 --> 00:28:01,086
But I'm always looking
for ways to stand out
684
00:28:01,305 --> 00:28:04,414
And get that edge
over the competition.
685
00:28:04,517 --> 00:28:06,182
This is one logo,
686
00:28:06,268 --> 00:28:07,834
But you can't really
tell what it is, so...
687
00:28:08,062 --> 00:28:11,012
- No, that's pretty cool.
Yeah, that's also a slogan.
688
00:28:11,273 --> 00:28:14,066
So even with the k,
it's like even if you do...
689
00:28:14,318 --> 00:28:17,211
Like, the k, and you put,
like, a little house...
690
00:28:17,363 --> 00:28:18,778
- I like that.
I'm like where you're going.
691
00:28:18,781 --> 00:28:20,638
- Over the top.
692
00:28:20,825 --> 00:28:23,442
Like, box it in
with the little windows
693
00:28:23,703 --> 00:28:25,034
As if it's, like,
the front door or something.
694
00:28:25,037 --> 00:28:27,353
- Ok now.
695
00:28:27,498 --> 00:28:29,355
Come on now.
- That's what I'm saying.
696
00:28:29,500 --> 00:28:30,949
I'm a man of many talents.
697
00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:32,792
- I see.
I love that.
698
00:28:32,878 --> 00:28:35,437
- And you know--
- you are talented, honey.
699
00:28:35,548 --> 00:28:37,789
You know
how to build websites too?
700
00:28:37,967 --> 00:28:38,924
- Mm-hmm.
- You might have
701
00:28:39,093 --> 00:28:40,342
To create me a invoice.
702
00:28:40,511 --> 00:28:41,693
[sniffles]
I need a website.
703
00:28:41,804 --> 00:28:42,861
- You think I'ma charge you?
704
00:28:42,972 --> 00:28:44,496
- You don't have to charge me.
705
00:28:44,682 --> 00:28:47,825
You will get paid anyways
in other ways.
706
00:28:47,852 --> 00:28:49,901
[chuckles]
707
00:28:49,979 --> 00:28:53,163
You know,
what really turns me on
708
00:28:53,274 --> 00:28:55,916
Is a handsome, sexy man...
709
00:28:56,026 --> 00:28:58,894
[smacks lips]
handling his business.
710
00:28:58,904 --> 00:29:01,547
- This is
kirsten dillon's brand.
711
00:29:01,615 --> 00:29:03,674
- Kirsten dillon.
712
00:29:03,743 --> 00:29:05,092
That sounds good.
713
00:29:05,244 --> 00:29:07,286
It's just--
it's just something about it.
714
00:29:08,748 --> 00:29:09,646
- Hmm?
- Huh?
715
00:29:09,707 --> 00:29:10,831
[laughter]
716
00:29:13,719 --> 00:29:14,752
[gentle music]
717
00:29:14,920 --> 00:29:18,881
♪ ♪
718
00:29:19,133 --> 00:29:23,318
- So this particular meeting
has what we hope
719
00:29:23,471 --> 00:29:25,678
Are some ways
to elevate the relationship
720
00:29:25,723 --> 00:29:27,639
To make it deeper and stronger,
721
00:29:27,725 --> 00:29:29,040
Which I gather
it's all pretty straight.
722
00:29:29,226 --> 00:29:30,250
It's pretty strong
and wonderful.
723
00:29:30,436 --> 00:29:32,185
- Oh, yeah. Yeah.
- So far, so good.
724
00:29:32,271 --> 00:29:33,979
- So, you know,
we're loving that, right?
725
00:29:34,231 --> 00:29:37,273
You know, that's--
that's just great news to us.
726
00:29:37,359 --> 00:29:41,369
So what we're gonna
talk about today
727
00:29:41,489 --> 00:29:44,756
Is building trust,
exploring vulnerability,
728
00:29:44,950 --> 00:29:47,159
You know, in a sense, a little
bit more about the things
729
00:29:47,453 --> 00:29:51,305
That have influenced and
that might affect the marriage.
730
00:29:51,415 --> 00:29:53,039
We're gonna explore that.
- Ok.
731
00:29:53,083 --> 00:29:54,533
- So...
- Yeah, we're ready.
732
00:29:54,752 --> 00:29:56,226
- Go for it.
Why don't you start?
733
00:29:56,295 --> 00:29:57,211
- Sure.
734
00:29:57,454 --> 00:30:00,121
So I've noticed,
since we've been married
735
00:30:00,382 --> 00:30:02,040
And have been having
a lot of deep conversations,
736
00:30:02,259 --> 00:30:04,376
That my past relationships
actually affected me
737
00:30:04,553 --> 00:30:05,552
A lot more than they did
738
00:30:05,805 --> 00:30:07,896
Because
I've always had a guard up
739
00:30:08,057 --> 00:30:10,899
Because I've had--
from my first relationship on,
740
00:30:11,018 --> 00:30:12,792
It was just a terrible
first relationship
741
00:30:12,937 --> 00:30:15,037
That kind of set the foundation
742
00:30:15,147 --> 00:30:16,738
For all
my future relationships.
743
00:30:16,899 --> 00:30:19,315
So I never really felt like
I could be vulnerable
744
00:30:19,401 --> 00:30:22,377
Because being vulnerable
made you weak,
745
00:30:22,530 --> 00:30:25,263
And when you're weak,
you get taken advantage of.
746
00:30:25,491 --> 00:30:27,699
I mean, I would literally
call myself a robot
747
00:30:27,952 --> 00:30:30,143
And say I couldn't cry in front
of the men I was dating
748
00:30:30,329 --> 00:30:32,137
Because
they would see me as weak,
749
00:30:32,206 --> 00:30:33,855
They wouldn't respect me.
750
00:30:34,083 --> 00:30:37,150
And, thankfully, that
has not been the case here.
751
00:30:37,336 --> 00:30:40,595
But it's been
really challenging,
752
00:30:40,756 --> 00:30:43,489
From a personal perspective,
to be that open
753
00:30:43,634 --> 00:30:45,901
Because I'm so not used to that
754
00:30:46,011 --> 00:30:47,593
And uncomfortable
with it almost.
755
00:30:47,638 --> 00:30:49,588
Any guy
who treated me with respect,
756
00:30:49,640 --> 00:30:54,442
I didn't recognize that
because that's not what I knew.
757
00:30:54,562 --> 00:30:56,436
And I always
push those guys away
758
00:30:56,564 --> 00:30:59,948
And leaned towards the ones
who were disrespectful.
759
00:30:59,984 --> 00:31:03,118
After doing that for 15 years,
760
00:31:03,279 --> 00:31:06,863
It became a pattern that
I couldn't really get out of.
761
00:31:06,866 --> 00:31:08,574
♪ ♪
762
00:31:08,817 --> 00:31:10,116
- That's a lot of time
763
00:31:10,160 --> 00:31:12,360
That you weren't
getting what you needed,
764
00:31:12,621 --> 00:31:15,021
Weren't being treated
how you deserved,
765
00:31:15,165 --> 00:31:16,990
And were looking for maybe
766
00:31:17,084 --> 00:31:19,634
The right kinds of attention
from the wrong kinds of people.
767
00:31:19,795 --> 00:31:23,905
I think being vulnerable
shows strength.
768
00:31:24,133 --> 00:31:26,592
- And see, for me, I would
always show vulnerability.
769
00:31:26,886 --> 00:31:28,793
I always thought it was
important to not put up walls.
770
00:31:29,013 --> 00:31:32,055
I always thought is important
to be who you are
771
00:31:32,141 --> 00:31:33,798
From day one
till the day you die.
772
00:31:34,059 --> 00:31:36,034
And so, that's
how I've always lived my life.
773
00:31:36,228 --> 00:31:39,103
And for some women, maybe
it's me coming on too strong.
774
00:31:39,189 --> 00:31:40,405
And, you know,
I had bad relationships
775
00:31:40,566 --> 00:31:41,923
That didn't work out,
maybe, because of it.
776
00:31:42,126 --> 00:31:43,383
But it's just like,
777
00:31:43,611 --> 00:31:45,218
My attention is good enough
for somebody out there,
778
00:31:45,404 --> 00:31:46,886
And you just have
to find who it is.
779
00:31:47,072 --> 00:31:50,298
And it took this process
to find it.
780
00:31:50,367 --> 00:31:51,557
Thank you for my wife.
781
00:31:51,702 --> 00:31:53,409
- Well, I'm so glad
you can say that.
782
00:31:53,495 --> 00:31:55,153
I think it's important, though,
783
00:31:55,414 --> 00:31:58,564
That you keep delving
into those things in your life
784
00:31:58,709 --> 00:32:01,843
That you may feel shy about.
- Yeah.
785
00:32:02,004 --> 00:32:04,046
- I think you've been
doing some of them already.
786
00:32:04,214 --> 00:32:05,730
I mean, we're all about trying
787
00:32:05,758 --> 00:32:08,850
To build as strong a foundation
as possible,
788
00:32:08,969 --> 00:32:10,685
Just so that
when something does come up
789
00:32:10,721 --> 00:32:12,262
That's really upsetting,
790
00:32:12,556 --> 00:32:15,748
The foundation is strong enough
to hold the house together.
791
00:32:15,951 --> 00:32:19,919
♪ ♪
792
00:32:20,022 --> 00:32:22,856
[pop music]
793
00:32:23,025 --> 00:32:24,783
♪ ♪
794
00:32:24,860 --> 00:32:26,685
- Hi, boys.
- Hi, boys.
795
00:32:26,820 --> 00:32:28,170
- Hi, puppies.
796
00:32:28,322 --> 00:32:30,630
- In addition to meeting
with the couples in person,
797
00:32:30,632 --> 00:32:32,115
We've also sent them
a fishbowl
798
00:32:32,368 --> 00:32:34,542
Full of questions
to ask each other.
799
00:32:34,662 --> 00:32:36,470
- Oh, you want to go to bed?
[dog farts]
800
00:32:36,622 --> 00:32:37,971
Did you just fart...
- Did you just toot?
801
00:32:38,082 --> 00:32:40,456
- When you jumped?
He farted.
802
00:32:40,459 --> 00:32:43,702
Air fart.
803
00:32:43,837 --> 00:32:45,796
You are one sick puppy.
804
00:32:46,048 --> 00:32:48,456
Should we go
through the inquisition?
805
00:32:48,717 --> 00:32:50,150
- Should we dive
through the cookie jar?
806
00:32:50,344 --> 00:32:52,594
- We've included questions
that will help the couples
807
00:32:52,888 --> 00:32:55,380
Discuss topics that they might
not bring up on their own.
808
00:32:55,599 --> 00:32:57,849
- "what will keep you
feeling safe and secure
809
00:32:57,893 --> 00:33:00,077
In our marriage, and why?"
810
00:33:00,270 --> 00:33:04,189
- You, showing me that you're
able to always take the lead.
811
00:33:04,400 --> 00:33:05,631
That would make me feel secure
812
00:33:05,818 --> 00:33:08,527
And safe in this marriage,
for me.
813
00:33:08,737 --> 00:33:10,161
- I'm just saying,
I'ma do it.
814
00:33:10,322 --> 00:33:11,697
I don't want you to be
pissed off when I do.
815
00:33:11,857 --> 00:33:13,156
- Ok.
816
00:33:13,316 --> 00:33:16,251
[laughter]
817
00:33:16,412 --> 00:33:18,570
- We hope this exercise
will encourage the couples
818
00:33:18,706 --> 00:33:20,071
To share secrets
819
00:33:20,332 --> 00:33:23,074
And open up about
their innermost thoughts...
820
00:33:23,293 --> 00:33:25,376
- You can just pull
all the questions.
821
00:33:25,462 --> 00:33:27,153
- Which is something
every couple needs
822
00:33:27,339 --> 00:33:30,148
In order to sustain
a lifelong marriage.
823
00:33:30,259 --> 00:33:32,083
- First question says,
824
00:33:32,302 --> 00:33:35,995
"what will make you or keep
you feeling safe and secure
825
00:33:36,140 --> 00:33:37,723
In our marriage, and why?"
826
00:33:43,188 --> 00:33:45,196
- I can't think of anything.
827
00:33:45,232 --> 00:33:48,700
[pensive music]
828
00:33:48,819 --> 00:33:51,703
- "the thing
I would like for you to know
829
00:33:51,780 --> 00:33:54,463
About my upbringing is..."
830
00:33:54,465 --> 00:33:55,865
♪ ♪
831
00:33:55,951 --> 00:33:59,035
- I feel like
we've, um, tackled that.
832
00:33:59,038 --> 00:34:01,629
- Yeah, skip it.
833
00:34:01,749 --> 00:34:04,524
"the thing I wanted
to wait to tell you
834
00:34:04,710 --> 00:34:09,837
Until we've been
together longer is blank."
835
00:34:09,923 --> 00:34:12,548
- I haven't
not told you anything, so...
836
00:34:12,551 --> 00:34:15,960
♪ ♪
837
00:34:16,180 --> 00:34:21,057
- "the hardest thing
I've had to forgive is..."
838
00:34:21,060 --> 00:34:22,434
♪ ♪
839
00:34:22,644 --> 00:34:25,904
- You go first.
I'm thinking.
840
00:34:26,023 --> 00:34:27,639
- One of the things
that jasmine had mentioned
841
00:34:27,900 --> 00:34:29,732
To dr. Pepper was, you know,
she just wanted
842
00:34:29,860 --> 00:34:34,129
To have deeper conversations,
more conversations overall,
843
00:34:34,239 --> 00:34:35,555
But, you know,
it seems like
844
00:34:35,741 --> 00:34:38,784
She's struggling
for things to come up with.
845
00:34:38,994 --> 00:34:42,153
The thing for me is my friend,
846
00:34:42,331 --> 00:34:45,022
When he committed suicide,
847
00:34:45,209 --> 00:34:47,567
'cause in the moment,
I feel like it's--
848
00:34:47,753 --> 00:34:49,510
It's, like,
a very selfish thing to do.
849
00:34:49,671 --> 00:34:51,213
- Mm-hmm.
- You know, I'm just thinking,
850
00:34:51,465 --> 00:34:53,215
Like, man, how could you
do that to your mom,
851
00:34:53,467 --> 00:34:55,241
Or how could you do that,
like, to your dad.
852
00:34:55,427 --> 00:34:58,336
His dad's probably one
of the strongest men
853
00:34:58,555 --> 00:35:00,413
That I've been around,
like, growing up.
854
00:35:00,599 --> 00:35:02,248
And just to see him,
like, losing it,
855
00:35:02,518 --> 00:35:05,260
Like, screaming and shouting,
like, that was crazy to me.
856
00:35:05,395 --> 00:35:08,363
Um, so, for a while,
857
00:35:08,482 --> 00:35:12,818
You know, I kind of,
like, held a grudge.
858
00:35:13,112 --> 00:35:16,354
But who knows what he was
going through in that moment?
859
00:35:16,615 --> 00:35:18,356
Whatever it is,
maybe it was just too much,
860
00:35:18,617 --> 00:35:21,100
You know, for him
to bear at that time, so...
861
00:35:21,286 --> 00:35:23,286
But I'm at a place--
I got to a place
862
00:35:23,372 --> 00:35:25,180
Where I, you know, forgave him.
863
00:35:25,374 --> 00:35:28,232
And, you know, I still got a
good relationship with his mom.
864
00:35:28,377 --> 00:35:29,951
She was at the wedding,
865
00:35:30,170 --> 00:35:33,630
You know, so I feel like
he would be happy with that.
866
00:35:35,676 --> 00:35:39,969
- The hardest thing
I had to forgive...
867
00:35:39,972 --> 00:35:41,930
I mean,
868
00:35:42,099 --> 00:35:45,867
Nothing's really coming to me
869
00:35:45,936 --> 00:35:48,569
That was just, like, so hard.
870
00:35:48,605 --> 00:35:50,905
Um...
871
00:35:51,066 --> 00:35:52,156
- You know,
I thought this is something
872
00:35:52,234 --> 00:35:53,792
That she wanted to do.
873
00:35:53,986 --> 00:35:56,044
And you're saying you want
to have these conversations.
874
00:35:56,155 --> 00:35:57,896
We're having a conversation.
875
00:35:58,157 --> 00:35:59,580
I'm telling her
about some of my traumas.
876
00:35:59,616 --> 00:36:01,082
Like, I'm going deep.
877
00:36:01,243 --> 00:36:03,234
Like, I'm trying
to get that same from her,
878
00:36:03,412 --> 00:36:05,320
But it's not happening.
879
00:36:05,372 --> 00:36:07,080
I'm just kind of confused
about, like,
880
00:36:07,332 --> 00:36:08,907
What's going on right now
in this moment.
881
00:36:09,001 --> 00:36:11,075
Um...
882
00:36:11,295 --> 00:36:13,678
"what worries you most
at the moment?"
883
00:36:13,839 --> 00:36:17,340
- Hmm, what worries me most
at the moment..
884
00:36:17,342 --> 00:36:18,583
Our marriage.
885
00:36:18,844 --> 00:36:21,677
That's what worries me most
at this moment.
886
00:36:21,680 --> 00:36:23,179
♪ ♪
887
00:36:23,223 --> 00:36:25,307
- ♪ keep keepin' on ♪
888
00:36:28,061 --> 00:36:29,202
[upbeat music]
889
00:36:29,271 --> 00:36:32,563
♪ ♪
890
00:36:32,649 --> 00:36:34,106
- How's it going?
- Nice to see you.
891
00:36:34,109 --> 00:36:35,683
I'm going great.
Thank you.
892
00:36:35,777 --> 00:36:37,168
- [chuckles]
893
00:36:37,279 --> 00:36:41,448
- So, so much water
under the bridge.
894
00:36:41,650 --> 00:36:43,032
- Lots of water, yeah.
895
00:36:43,118 --> 00:36:44,676
We feel like
we're in a good place,
896
00:36:44,786 --> 00:36:47,628
Especially
from where we were early on.
897
00:36:47,789 --> 00:36:49,663
We have grown a lot
in the last couple weeks.
898
00:36:49,750 --> 00:36:52,300
Like, we're spending
more time together.
899
00:36:52,461 --> 00:36:53,709
Like, she'll come
into my room at night.
900
00:36:53,712 --> 00:36:55,103
Hank's in there.
901
00:36:55,255 --> 00:36:56,120
And she'll sit on the floor,
and we'll just sit there
902
00:36:56,298 --> 00:36:58,639
And talk.
- Keyword: Hank's in there.
903
00:36:58,800 --> 00:37:01,459
- I gather that you have
fallen in love with her dog?
904
00:37:01,637 --> 00:37:03,144
- Oh, yeah,
but it's just--
905
00:37:03,305 --> 00:37:05,246
It's nice spending time,
like, in that capacity.
906
00:37:05,474 --> 00:37:08,316
And, like, that's something
that's new, and I like that.
907
00:37:08,477 --> 00:37:11,269
- We've really just been trying
to focus on having fun.
908
00:37:11,521 --> 00:37:13,054
- Well, I'm gonna try
and take you deeper
909
00:37:13,315 --> 00:37:15,548
Because just having fun isn't
gonna make this a marriage.
910
00:37:15,651 --> 00:37:17,400
- Yeah.
911
00:37:17,486 --> 00:37:20,779
- So what I want
to talk about today
912
00:37:20,989 --> 00:37:23,982
Is how you can be
more vulnerable and open
913
00:37:24,243 --> 00:37:27,576
Because that's what it'll take
to open up your hearts
914
00:37:27,621 --> 00:37:31,397
And, to some extent,
chemistry.
915
00:37:31,500 --> 00:37:32,374
- Yeah.
916
00:37:32,584 --> 00:37:34,734
- How do you think
past experiences
917
00:37:34,878 --> 00:37:38,513
With either shame
or vulnerability
918
00:37:38,674 --> 00:37:41,549
Have impacted
how you are in this marriage?
919
00:37:41,843 --> 00:37:43,935
- I have, like, struggled,
I think, with vulnerability
920
00:37:44,012 --> 00:37:45,904
In the past.
921
00:37:46,014 --> 00:37:47,621
You know, I grew up
with a single mom.
922
00:37:47,849 --> 00:37:51,259
And so, it's easy for me to be
super vulnerable with women.
923
00:37:51,478 --> 00:37:53,002
And so, especially,
like, in the salon,
924
00:37:53,188 --> 00:37:54,729
I can open up
and talk about anything.
925
00:37:55,023 --> 00:37:57,198
But with men, I've struggled
until there's, like,
926
00:37:57,359 --> 00:38:00,768
A safe space
to really share that side.
927
00:38:01,029 --> 00:38:03,154
- What does it take
for you to have a safe space?
928
00:38:03,407 --> 00:38:05,189
- I think really just
getting to know the person.
929
00:38:05,367 --> 00:38:07,442
And we've done that.
930
00:38:07,661 --> 00:38:09,977
I think that, for a long time,
we focused--
931
00:38:10,205 --> 00:38:11,879
You know, our honeymoon
was pretty triggering
932
00:38:12,040 --> 00:38:15,250
'cause it was focusing a lot
on the negatives.
933
00:38:15,502 --> 00:38:17,969
But I think it's been hard
for us probably
934
00:38:18,046 --> 00:38:19,720
To deep-dive into conversations
935
00:38:19,881 --> 00:38:22,340
'cause the last time that
we did was on the honeymoon.
936
00:38:22,551 --> 00:38:25,026
And it was so negative
that we've really just
937
00:38:25,220 --> 00:38:29,514
Been trying to focus on just
not getting into too deep.
938
00:38:29,725 --> 00:38:30,973
- But often,
chemistry is created
939
00:38:31,059 --> 00:38:33,959
Because of exactly
these kinds of conversations.
940
00:38:34,146 --> 00:38:38,081
And you owe it
your growth and your effort.
941
00:38:38,233 --> 00:38:39,965
What about you?
What do you think?
942
00:38:40,110 --> 00:38:41,876
How would you answer this?
943
00:38:42,070 --> 00:38:45,480
- So that's, like, an attribute
that I herald, is, like,
944
00:38:45,699 --> 00:38:49,083
I try to be vulnerable
as much as possible.
945
00:38:49,244 --> 00:38:51,018
If somebody wants
to know something about me,
946
00:38:51,246 --> 00:38:53,621
Like, I give them
the unadulterated story.
947
00:38:53,782 --> 00:38:56,032
I don't hold back.
948
00:38:56,084 --> 00:38:58,801
I've been in relationships
to where,
949
00:38:58,803 --> 00:39:00,495
You know, they were
long-term relationships.
950
00:39:00,756 --> 00:39:05,166
And somebody had a false
persona for three years.
951
00:39:05,427 --> 00:39:07,944
It's like, I thought
that was gonna be it for me.
952
00:39:08,096 --> 00:39:09,446
I thought
that was marriage and kids.
953
00:39:09,598 --> 00:39:10,922
And then all of a sudden,
it's like,
954
00:39:10,932 --> 00:39:12,390
This is not the right person.
955
00:39:12,601 --> 00:39:14,142
So that's where I'm just like,
956
00:39:14,394 --> 00:39:16,277
Hey, I want to know
what makes gina gina.
957
00:39:16,438 --> 00:39:18,421
I want to know what
her hopes and her dreams are.
958
00:39:18,607 --> 00:39:20,623
I've quantified it
as "the crust," right?
959
00:39:20,734 --> 00:39:22,016
I want to know
the nitty-gritty.
960
00:39:22,277 --> 00:39:25,103
And that's important to me,
to really, you know,
961
00:39:25,280 --> 00:39:28,131
Build that trust
and knowing who she is.
962
00:39:28,283 --> 00:39:29,823
- So how are you
responding to this?
963
00:39:29,910 --> 00:39:32,326
I feel some energy
coming with you.
964
00:39:32,454 --> 00:39:34,654
- That's been what we've said
for three weeks.
965
00:39:34,790 --> 00:39:36,372
It's like, "I really want to
get to know gina to her core,"
966
00:39:36,458 --> 00:39:38,040
And the crust,
and all these things,
967
00:39:38,168 --> 00:39:40,852
But I feel like he's not
really initiating that either,
968
00:39:41,004 --> 00:39:45,156
'cause he's never asked me
any deep-ended questions.
969
00:39:45,158 --> 00:39:46,849
And then, on the opposite end,
970
00:39:46,851 --> 00:39:48,617
I'm not gonna, like,
come out and just be like,
971
00:39:48,804 --> 00:39:50,153
"hey, I want to sit down
and talk about this
972
00:39:50,305 --> 00:39:52,246
And tell you everything
about me,"
973
00:39:52,474 --> 00:39:55,483
'cause I'm not comfortable
doing that quite yet
974
00:39:55,644 --> 00:39:56,742
'cause I feel like
we're still getting
975
00:39:56,744 --> 00:39:58,461
To know one another, so...
976
00:39:58,647 --> 00:40:00,980
- Tell clint
what would be a good way
977
00:40:00,982 --> 00:40:03,016
For you to feel good
978
00:40:03,068 --> 00:40:06,060
About talking
about something important.
979
00:40:06,321 --> 00:40:08,354
- It's not that I'm opposed
to talking about it,
980
00:40:08,356 --> 00:40:10,365
But I feel like
981
00:40:10,659 --> 00:40:14,076
It's just gonna take me
some time to want to initiate.
982
00:40:14,162 --> 00:40:16,370
So to hear, like,
a soft story
983
00:40:16,498 --> 00:40:19,140
Of "this is, like,
what I did in my childhood,"
984
00:40:19,334 --> 00:40:21,750
To me, that wasn't, or doesn't,
feel like conversation
985
00:40:21,837 --> 00:40:23,628
That would lead
into deeper conversation.
986
00:40:23,839 --> 00:40:26,798
- So if he asks
something like,
987
00:40:27,050 --> 00:40:31,018
"tell me about your
relationship with your mother
988
00:40:31,179 --> 00:40:33,354
When you were a young child."
- yeah.
989
00:40:33,515 --> 00:40:35,856
- So something very specific.
- Yeah, I'm totally fine.
990
00:40:36,017 --> 00:40:37,508
But, yeah, I think
it would have to be specific
991
00:40:37,644 --> 00:40:39,026
And initiated.
992
00:40:39,187 --> 00:40:40,928
- I mean, if that's
the way she communicates,
993
00:40:41,148 --> 00:40:43,831
Like, ask me a question,
set the precedent.
994
00:40:43,984 --> 00:40:45,900
- But you could try
and help her out here.
995
00:40:46,194 --> 00:40:47,927
You could just say, ok.
- I'll set the precedent.
996
00:40:48,029 --> 00:40:49,612
That's ok.
997
00:40:49,698 --> 00:40:51,673
- I mean, this is--
come on, guys.
998
00:40:51,825 --> 00:40:54,099
I'm not asking you
to do heart surgery here.
999
00:40:54,286 --> 00:40:55,860
- That just doesn't
feel organic to me.
1000
00:40:56,103 --> 00:40:57,378
It doesn't seem like--
1001
00:40:57,539 --> 00:40:59,355
'cause if she's not willing
to just share that
1002
00:40:59,541 --> 00:41:02,408
And I have
to elicit that out of her,
1003
00:41:02,410 --> 00:41:05,227
Then it just doesn't--
1004
00:41:05,229 --> 00:41:06,895
It feels like
I'm doing a q&a session.
1005
00:41:06,897 --> 00:41:08,898
- She says
she's very willing to do that.
1006
00:41:09,050 --> 00:41:11,626
She says she has
a different style than you.
1007
00:41:11,887 --> 00:41:15,313
If you both stick
to the styles that you like,
1008
00:41:15,348 --> 00:41:17,265
That won't find you love.
1009
00:41:17,434 --> 00:41:20,392
[tense music]
1010
00:41:20,395 --> 00:41:22,954
♪ ♪
1011
00:41:23,064 --> 00:41:24,355
[alexander d. Bachell's
"hit the heights"]
1012
00:41:24,399 --> 00:41:27,466
- ♪ ooh, ooh ♪
1013
00:41:27,569 --> 00:41:32,863
♪ ♪
1014
00:41:32,908 --> 00:41:37,618
- ♪ ooh, ooh ♪
1015
00:41:37,746 --> 00:41:41,681
- Should we warm up first,
ease into it with a question?
1016
00:41:41,750 --> 00:41:44,149
- Ok. First question:
1017
00:41:44,252 --> 00:41:46,019
"the moment in my life
1018
00:41:46,171 --> 00:41:49,881
When I felt the most amount
of shame was..."
1019
00:41:52,969 --> 00:41:58,406
- So when my mom first noticed
the burn on my arm,
1020
00:41:58,475 --> 00:42:00,308
I remember lying about it
1021
00:42:00,602 --> 00:42:02,610
And say that I burned myself
with my straightener
1022
00:42:02,771 --> 00:42:05,446
And I was picking at it so much
that it turned into a circle.
1023
00:42:05,607 --> 00:42:07,840
He burned me with a cigarette.
- He burned you?
1024
00:42:08,026 --> 00:42:09,784
Jesus. Like, that's horrible.
- He said,
1025
00:42:09,945 --> 00:42:12,403
"if you love me, you'll let me
burn you with a cigarette."
1026
00:42:12,572 --> 00:42:14,029
I was like, "ok."
1027
00:42:14,115 --> 00:42:16,123
How--oh, my god,
I'm gonna cry.
1028
00:42:16,201 --> 00:42:18,959
It's a constant--
- ok.
1029
00:42:19,120 --> 00:42:22,605
- She knew I was lying, but
she didn't press the situation
1030
00:42:22,807 --> 00:42:24,140
Because she knew
1031
00:42:24,334 --> 00:42:26,333
She wasn't gonna get anything
out of me at that point.
1032
00:42:26,461 --> 00:42:28,311
But I still think
about that conversation.
1033
00:42:28,463 --> 00:42:29,546
Like, I know
where I was standing,
1034
00:42:29,831 --> 00:42:31,889
Where she was standing,
my exact words to her.
1035
00:42:31,967 --> 00:42:34,175
And she's gonna find out now.
1036
00:42:34,469 --> 00:42:37,628
And I'm not looking forward
to that revelation,
1037
00:42:37,806 --> 00:42:39,639
But it's my truth.
1038
00:42:39,808 --> 00:42:42,950
And I still feel
1039
00:42:43,144 --> 00:42:44,568
A little bit of that shame
when I talk about it,
1040
00:42:44,646 --> 00:42:48,665
So it definitely tops the list.
1041
00:42:48,858 --> 00:42:51,066
- I mean, for me, it's probably
when I threw a party
1042
00:42:51,152 --> 00:42:53,077
At my place,
when I moved to morris.
1043
00:42:53,113 --> 00:42:54,937
And my mom was
1044
00:42:54,990 --> 00:42:58,399
Innocently baking brownies
and stuff for everybody.
1045
00:42:58,618 --> 00:43:00,835
And I had
a bunch of people over.
1046
00:43:00,996 --> 00:43:03,896
And the cops came and
threatened to throw her in jail
1047
00:43:04,165 --> 00:43:07,566
Because there was underage
drinking happening at my place.
1048
00:43:07,669 --> 00:43:09,085
Nothing ended up happening.
1049
00:43:09,337 --> 00:43:11,420
They basically just let
everybody go with the warning,
1050
00:43:11,506 --> 00:43:13,298
Told everybody leave,
which still,
1051
00:43:13,550 --> 00:43:15,182
I don't think was very smart
if people were drinking.
1052
00:43:15,302 --> 00:43:19,595
But my mom, luckily,
is an amazing person
1053
00:43:19,681 --> 00:43:21,522
And moved on from it
pretty quickly.
1054
00:43:21,683 --> 00:43:23,491
But it was one of those things,
like, I learned from it
1055
00:43:23,560 --> 00:43:24,992
And didn't do it again.
1056
00:43:25,186 --> 00:43:27,770
- I'm sure it would've been
harder to forget from jail.
1057
00:43:27,856 --> 00:43:29,180
But thankfully, it didn't...
- Yeah.
1058
00:43:29,357 --> 00:43:31,365
Oh, for sure.
- Get to that level.
1059
00:43:31,526 --> 00:43:33,851
Well, it seems we have
another thing in common,
1060
00:43:34,029 --> 00:43:36,111
Where we deeply care
about our moms
1061
00:43:36,197 --> 00:43:38,856
And don't want
to disappoint them,
1062
00:43:39,034 --> 00:43:40,158
Not that that's super unique.
1063
00:43:40,368 --> 00:43:42,768
But it just shows
how important our family is.
1064
00:43:42,871 --> 00:43:44,378
- Yeah.
1065
00:43:44,539 --> 00:43:46,130
You want to get the next one?
- Yeah.
1066
00:43:46,207 --> 00:43:47,456
- Can you get it?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1067
00:43:47,500 --> 00:43:49,049
- You got it?
- Yeah.
1068
00:43:49,169 --> 00:43:52,628
"what's your biggest
insecurity, and why?"
1069
00:43:52,756 --> 00:43:56,724
- Yeah. I mean, I guess
I'll go a little deep here,
1070
00:43:56,843 --> 00:43:59,360
But I guess one
of my bigger insecurities
1071
00:43:59,512 --> 00:44:02,971
Is probably stuff
with, like, relationships.
1072
00:44:03,058 --> 00:44:05,307
Like, not ours.
Ours has been great.
1073
00:44:05,435 --> 00:44:08,519
But, like, past relationships
have kind of made me insecure
1074
00:44:08,730 --> 00:44:12,723
In the fact that,
am I a lovable person?
1075
00:44:12,942 --> 00:44:17,128
And am I worthy of love?
- You are.
1076
00:44:17,280 --> 00:44:19,572
- In moments, like,
I do feel I am definitely now,
1077
00:44:19,774 --> 00:44:21,932
But, like,
1078
00:44:21,951 --> 00:44:26,946
Why didn't anybody want
to stay with me, you know?
1079
00:44:27,082 --> 00:44:29,807
- It makes me so sad to hear,
but I want to stay with you.
1080
00:44:29,918 --> 00:44:31,209
And you are worthy of love.
1081
00:44:31,419 --> 00:44:33,378
And I totally understand
the insecurities.
1082
00:44:33,630 --> 00:44:35,505
I mean, how could you not,
when, you know,
1083
00:44:35,757 --> 00:44:36,939
You feel like
you're giving so much
1084
00:44:36,941 --> 00:44:38,816
And not receiving it back?
- Yeah.
1085
00:44:38,968 --> 00:44:40,092
- But you were just giving it
to the wrong girls.
1086
00:44:40,095 --> 00:44:41,243
- Yeah.
1087
00:44:41,429 --> 00:44:44,255
- They weren't worthy
of your love.
1088
00:44:44,432 --> 00:44:46,190
He is worthy.
He is lovable.
1089
00:44:46,267 --> 00:44:48,183
His attention
is more than enough.
1090
00:44:48,311 --> 00:44:51,746
I am very purposeful
in what I say and how I say it,
1091
00:44:51,940 --> 00:44:54,114
So this way, he never has
to feel that way again.
1092
00:44:54,275 --> 00:44:57,785
And he is worthy of love
from anyone and everyone,
1093
00:44:57,904 --> 00:45:00,187
And especially me,
because I'm his wife.
1094
00:45:00,407 --> 00:45:02,264
And I'm gonna make it
my mission
1095
00:45:02,409 --> 00:45:04,801
To make him see
how worthy he is
1096
00:45:04,953 --> 00:45:08,362
Because he is
such a wonderful man.
1097
00:45:08,623 --> 00:45:11,190
- Yeah.
- Thank you for sharing that.
1098
00:45:11,292 --> 00:45:12,950
- All right, next one.
1099
00:45:13,169 --> 00:45:17,230
"what worries you the most
at the moment?"
1100
00:45:17,298 --> 00:45:20,307
- Uh...
1101
00:45:20,468 --> 00:45:26,063
I'm a little worried that we
are in a little, happy bubble,
1102
00:45:26,182 --> 00:45:28,557
And one day,
it's going to burst.
1103
00:45:28,643 --> 00:45:31,786
- Are you just afraid that
you're gonna lose interest,
1104
00:45:31,896 --> 00:45:33,438
Or I'm gonna lose interest,
or--
1105
00:45:33,648 --> 00:45:35,063
- Not even an interest thing.
1106
00:45:35,108 --> 00:45:38,150
It's more just
I'm almost afraid
1107
00:45:38,153 --> 00:45:39,777
Of feeling as happy as I do.
1108
00:45:40,029 --> 00:45:42,070
There's part of me in my brain
that's saying, like,
1109
00:45:42,157 --> 00:45:43,497
"you don't deserve
to be this happy,"
1110
00:45:43,575 --> 00:45:45,574
Or, you know,
"one day,
1111
00:45:45,660 --> 00:45:47,242
You're gonna do something
that's gonna ruin it,"
1112
00:45:47,328 --> 00:45:49,570
And I don't know
what that would be.
1113
00:45:49,831 --> 00:45:52,539
But I feel like
when I do feel really happy,
1114
00:45:52,625 --> 00:45:54,158
That's when it's all
taken away from me.
1115
00:45:54,335 --> 00:45:56,260
And I'm almost afraid
1116
00:45:56,337 --> 00:46:01,131
Of leaning into the happiness.
1117
00:46:01,134 --> 00:46:02,233
- Ok.
1118
00:46:02,343 --> 00:46:05,653
- It's just like,
I'm projecting this idea
1119
00:46:05,722 --> 00:46:07,763
Based on nothing.
1120
00:46:07,849 --> 00:46:09,431
It's rooted in my past
and not rooted
1121
00:46:09,517 --> 00:46:11,266
In anything
that's currently happening.
1122
00:46:11,352 --> 00:46:14,028
- Yeah.
- But I'm a little worried
1123
00:46:14,189 --> 00:46:18,565
That one day I'll just wake up
and the bubble will be burst
1124
00:46:18,651 --> 00:46:20,793
And this little, happy life
we're living
1125
00:46:20,904 --> 00:46:23,704
Won't be so happy anymore.
1126
00:46:23,706 --> 00:46:27,992
♪ ♪
1127
00:46:30,705 --> 00:46:31,895
- ♪ I used to drown myself
in darkness ♪
1128
00:46:31,897 --> 00:46:33,139
♪ and that cold feeling ♪
1129
00:46:33,208 --> 00:46:34,748
♪ ♪
1130
00:46:34,876 --> 00:46:37,952
♪ they always said that I was
born with the wrong rhythm ♪
1131
00:46:38,112 --> 00:46:40,529
♪ ♪
1132
00:46:40,632 --> 00:46:43,115
[knocks at door]
1133
00:46:43,218 --> 00:46:45,526
♪ ♪
1134
00:46:45,595 --> 00:46:46,827
- Hey, hey.
- Hey.
1135
00:46:46,829 --> 00:46:48,045
- How are you?
- Good.
1136
00:46:48,223 --> 00:46:49,888
How are you?
- Good. Good, good, good.
1137
00:46:49,933 --> 00:46:52,049
- Good to see you again.
- I know.
1138
00:46:52,227 --> 00:46:53,551
It's been a while.
1139
00:46:53,770 --> 00:46:56,236
- It's always a joy
to see jasmine's mom.
1140
00:46:56,356 --> 00:46:59,631
And I would love
to ask her for advice
1141
00:46:59,818 --> 00:47:03,861
On, you know, ways
that I can, you know,
1142
00:47:04,072 --> 00:47:07,381
Draw like, deeper responses
out of jasmine,
1143
00:47:07,534 --> 00:47:09,567
Or to get her, like,
you know, more comfortable
1144
00:47:09,869 --> 00:47:13,204
In answering these questions
and having these conversations
1145
00:47:13,414 --> 00:47:15,998
That, you know,
she says she wants to have.
1146
00:47:16,084 --> 00:47:18,543
- So how's everything
been going?
1147
00:47:18,711 --> 00:47:20,836
- Um, it's been going ok.
1148
00:47:20,922 --> 00:47:23,881
It's just a lot, you know?
- Yeah.
1149
00:47:24,092 --> 00:47:26,333
So how do you feel
about duchess?
1150
00:47:26,535 --> 00:47:27,718
- You know.
1151
00:47:27,804 --> 00:47:29,837
- I just found out
about your shoe.
1152
00:47:29,973 --> 00:47:30,930
- Oh, yeah.
1153
00:47:37,647 --> 00:47:40,431
- [laughs] she rotten.
1154
00:47:40,608 --> 00:47:42,774
- I'm not gonna lie,
like, I was mad.
1155
00:47:42,819 --> 00:47:44,268
- Uh-huh.
- But I'm surprised
1156
00:47:44,445 --> 00:47:46,395
At how quickly I got over it.
1157
00:47:46,406 --> 00:47:47,588
- I'm glad that worked out
1158
00:47:47,740 --> 00:47:49,607
Because I knew
how you felt about the dog.
1159
00:47:49,826 --> 00:47:51,366
- But it's one.
I don't know about four.
1160
00:47:51,368 --> 00:47:55,312
[laughter]
1161
00:47:55,314 --> 00:47:58,957
- So, um,
the relationship in general,
1162
00:47:59,002 --> 00:48:01,227
How are you feeling about that?
1163
00:48:01,296 --> 00:48:03,795
- Um, it's going ok.
1164
00:48:03,798 --> 00:48:05,189
It could be better.
1165
00:48:05,341 --> 00:48:07,065
I mean, I feel like
that's marriage in general.
1166
00:48:07,067 --> 00:48:07,958
- Uh-huh.
- You know, like,
1167
00:48:08,177 --> 00:48:10,477
You should always want it
to be better.
1168
00:48:10,479 --> 00:48:12,229
- Like?
1169
00:48:12,348 --> 00:48:15,132
- You know, like,
there's moments where I try--
1170
00:48:15,351 --> 00:48:18,268
Like, she told dr. Pepper
that she wants to have
1171
00:48:18,354 --> 00:48:19,770
Quote-unquote
"deeper conversations."
1172
00:48:19,981 --> 00:48:21,272
You know, and dr. Pepper
gave us, like,
1173
00:48:21,482 --> 00:48:23,607
A whole bunch of questions
to ask each other.
1174
00:48:23,693 --> 00:48:26,810
And like, I'll get deep,
like, to my core,
1175
00:48:26,988 --> 00:48:28,904
Answering these questions.
1176
00:48:28,990 --> 00:48:30,948
It might be like,
"what is your favorite color?"
1177
00:48:31,200 --> 00:48:32,516
I might be like, "man,
blue is my favorite color,
1178
00:48:32,660 --> 00:48:34,251
"because when I was
in second grade,
1179
00:48:34,329 --> 00:48:35,560
"I've seen the color blue.
1180
00:48:35,663 --> 00:48:37,154
"and every time I see blue,
1181
00:48:37,373 --> 00:48:38,756
"it takes me back
to this moment.
1182
00:48:38,917 --> 00:48:41,508
And when I get sad,
I just look at the color blue."
1183
00:48:41,510 --> 00:48:43,127
[pensive music]
1184
00:48:43,421 --> 00:48:45,237
And I'll be like, "ok, jasmine,
what's your favorite color?"
1185
00:48:45,381 --> 00:48:48,298
[monotonously]
"oh, it's pink."
1186
00:48:48,384 --> 00:48:50,100
But you said
you wanted it deep.
1187
00:48:50,178 --> 00:48:51,243
- Yeah.
- Like, you said to them--
1188
00:48:51,387 --> 00:48:52,670
I'm not taking words out
of your mouth.
1189
00:48:52,931 --> 00:48:56,006
You said for you to feel better
in this situation,
1190
00:48:56,184 --> 00:48:58,392
You need to have
deep conversations.
1191
00:48:58,561 --> 00:49:00,661
And I'm, you know, so...
1192
00:49:00,730 --> 00:49:02,946
- Yeah, I get it.
1193
00:49:03,024 --> 00:49:04,531
And maybe you have
to pull it out.
1194
00:49:04,533 --> 00:49:07,109
♪ ♪
1195
00:49:07,236 --> 00:49:10,988
- Is there, like, a way to pull
certain things out of her?
1196
00:49:11,240 --> 00:49:12,740
- Most of the time,
when you're feeling like
1197
00:49:13,034 --> 00:49:16,210
"you holding something back,"
nine times out of ten, she is.
1198
00:49:16,212 --> 00:49:17,536
- Mm-hmm.
1199
00:49:17,789 --> 00:49:20,431
- She's so used
to helping everybody else
1200
00:49:20,583 --> 00:49:23,792
That she don't take herself
under consideration.
1201
00:49:23,878 --> 00:49:25,202
And I'll tell her,
"in order for you
1202
00:49:25,421 --> 00:49:27,705
"to teach someone
how to make you happy,
1203
00:49:27,924 --> 00:49:31,558
You got to know
what make you happy."
1204
00:49:31,678 --> 00:49:34,044
She also shared with me
that you guys said
1205
00:49:34,263 --> 00:49:38,048
That y'all weren't gonna
have sex till decision day.
1206
00:49:38,059 --> 00:49:40,393
When she shared that with me,
I was just like,
1207
00:49:40,645 --> 00:49:43,412
"but what if tomorrow
something happen?"
1208
00:49:43,564 --> 00:49:48,024
Like, something could happen
in a split second,
1209
00:49:48,069 --> 00:49:49,752
Today, tomorrow.
- Right.
1210
00:49:49,904 --> 00:49:51,995
- And because you haven't,
you'll fight it.
1211
00:49:52,156 --> 00:49:55,274
And then, there, you have
missed out on a opportunity,
1212
00:49:55,326 --> 00:49:56,951
Not that I'm trying
to tell you to do--
1213
00:49:57,120 --> 00:49:59,236
- No, no.
[laughter]
1214
00:49:59,414 --> 00:50:02,540
Me, I like, like, connections.
1215
00:50:02,792 --> 00:50:04,725
And a lot of times,
those connections come from,
1216
00:50:04,794 --> 00:50:06,210
Like, a shared interest.
1217
00:50:06,462 --> 00:50:08,487
I'm trying to find, like,
what we have in common.
1218
00:50:08,715 --> 00:50:10,164
Like, I'm posing these
questions and trying to find,
1219
00:50:10,425 --> 00:50:14,735
Like, things that we share
and similar lived experiences.
1220
00:50:14,804 --> 00:50:16,904
And it would be easier
1221
00:50:17,098 --> 00:50:21,258
If, like, these things that
I'm searching for were in play,
1222
00:50:21,477 --> 00:50:25,663
You know, 'cause
it would be, like, natural.
1223
00:50:25,815 --> 00:50:28,131
- I love the fact
that airris is open.
1224
00:50:28,317 --> 00:50:31,101
I love the fact
that he is communicating
1225
00:50:31,279 --> 00:50:34,121
So no one is unsure
of how he feel.
1226
00:50:34,157 --> 00:50:35,680
We know how he feel.
1227
00:50:35,783 --> 00:50:37,949
Should she go deeper? Yes.
1228
00:50:37,952 --> 00:50:39,526
I think she's in her head.
1229
00:50:39,746 --> 00:50:42,562
And as a mother,
it's very hard to see,
1230
00:50:42,707 --> 00:50:43,873
But I want it to work,
1231
00:50:44,125 --> 00:50:47,585
So I definitely will be
praying for these two.
1232
00:50:47,837 --> 00:50:50,963
I think you overthink,
and I think she overthinks.
1233
00:50:51,248 --> 00:50:53,758
And because
both of you guys overthink,
1234
00:50:53,968 --> 00:50:56,643
I think that's a hindrance
for both of y'all.
1235
00:50:56,645 --> 00:50:58,796
- Yeah.
1236
00:50:59,015 --> 00:51:00,998
- You got to get out your head.
- Yeah.
1237
00:51:01,059 --> 00:51:05,418
- Get out of your comfort zone
to get what you want.
1238
00:51:05,605 --> 00:51:08,122
That's called
life and marriage.
1239
00:51:08,191 --> 00:51:10,332
It's work.
- Yeah.
1240
00:51:10,485 --> 00:51:12,026
- Every day,
you have to wake up saying,
1241
00:51:12,195 --> 00:51:13,744
"I want to be married.
1242
00:51:13,821 --> 00:51:16,447
What can I do
to make it better?"
1243
00:51:16,657 --> 00:51:18,490
And every day,
you gotta wake up
1244
00:51:18,534 --> 00:51:21,051
With the intention on fighting.
1245
00:51:21,120 --> 00:51:23,562
- I got you.
- Yeah.
1246
00:51:23,748 --> 00:51:26,290
It's up to you two.
It's what y'all want.
1247
00:51:26,501 --> 00:51:29,843
And what are you willing
to sacrifice?
1248
00:51:29,921 --> 00:51:32,171
- ♪ oh, oh, oh ♪
1249
00:51:34,884 --> 00:51:36,792
- ♪ waiting, lying at home,
but when you're staying ♪
1250
00:51:36,844 --> 00:51:38,752
♪ I'm thinking of you,
what do I do? ♪
1251
00:51:38,930 --> 00:51:41,805
- Well, we've got
a pretty big jar
1252
00:51:41,891 --> 00:51:44,608
Of fun stuff to work through.
- Yeah.
1253
00:51:44,727 --> 00:51:47,185
- So--
- we'll let hank pick some out.
1254
00:51:47,271 --> 00:51:50,530
- Hank, do you want to eat
half of these...
1255
00:51:50,566 --> 00:51:52,166
- Ready?
1256
00:51:52,360 --> 00:51:56,019
- I think that clint and I
may be on different pages
1257
00:51:56,239 --> 00:51:59,657
When it comes
to how vulnerable we've gotten.
1258
00:51:59,867 --> 00:52:02,058
And I think he's hopeful
1259
00:52:02,286 --> 00:52:03,694
And he wants
to have those conversations,
1260
00:52:03,913 --> 00:52:06,263
But, I mean, there
hasn't really been any time
1261
00:52:06,374 --> 00:52:08,515
That he's, like,
tried to sit down
1262
00:52:08,626 --> 00:52:10,184
And dive deeper
into conversation
1263
00:52:10,378 --> 00:52:12,353
Or ask me any type of questions
that would lead
1264
00:52:12,505 --> 00:52:15,113
To, like, a deeper,
vulnerable conversation.
1265
00:52:15,258 --> 00:52:17,057
- I like to go to the bottom...
1266
00:52:17,135 --> 00:52:18,909
- Ok.
- To get the deep ones.
1267
00:52:19,095 --> 00:52:20,635
- Well, we're going
through all of them, so...
1268
00:52:20,638 --> 00:52:22,137
- Yeah.
1269
00:52:22,265 --> 00:52:25,207
- But, I mean, at this rate,
we are halfway through.
1270
00:52:25,476 --> 00:52:28,352
And I know that if clint and I
are gonna continue to progress
1271
00:52:28,646 --> 00:52:31,154
And grow in any way, we
definitely need a little help.
1272
00:52:31,190 --> 00:52:33,207
[pensive music]
1273
00:52:33,276 --> 00:52:34,482
- Oh, here's a good one.
1274
00:52:34,569 --> 00:52:36,484
"do you avoid asking for help?"
1275
00:52:36,487 --> 00:52:38,128
- 100%.
1276
00:52:38,197 --> 00:52:39,897
- Yeah?
- Oh, yeah.
1277
00:52:40,116 --> 00:52:43,475
Delegation phobia is
my number one toxic trait.
1278
00:52:43,619 --> 00:52:46,403
- Toxic? You think it's toxic?
- Yes.
1279
00:52:46,581 --> 00:52:48,789
- Really?
- For me, for sure. Yeah.
1280
00:52:49,000 --> 00:52:51,091
I grew up with a single mom,
1281
00:52:51,169 --> 00:52:52,584
So I was forced
into independence
1282
00:52:52,628 --> 00:52:53,827
At a very young age...
- Yeah.
1283
00:52:54,088 --> 00:52:56,547
- Probably, like, seven,
feeling almost like a burden
1284
00:52:56,749 --> 00:52:58,381
If I was asking for help.
1285
00:52:58,509 --> 00:53:01,135
So now that I'm older,
it's hard for me to ask.
1286
00:53:01,429 --> 00:53:05,589
- I'm very much the same way
as very independent,
1287
00:53:05,808 --> 00:53:07,682
But I also know
when to ask for help.
1288
00:53:07,685 --> 00:53:10,110
- Yeah.
1289
00:53:10,229 --> 00:53:12,579
- "the one thing that
I probably need to let go of
1290
00:53:12,648 --> 00:53:16,375
From my childhood is..."
1291
00:53:16,611 --> 00:53:20,779
- I mean, at a certain point,
I had to let go of feelings
1292
00:53:20,823 --> 00:53:22,940
Of, like,
the fear of rejection,
1293
00:53:23,159 --> 00:53:25,450
Or abandonment,
or feeling like you're enough.
1294
00:53:25,536 --> 00:53:27,377
But that just stemmed
from, like,
1295
00:53:27,496 --> 00:53:29,580
Having my parents divorce
at a really young age
1296
00:53:29,874 --> 00:53:32,207
And then having a dad that
didn't really make an effort
1297
00:53:32,210 --> 00:53:33,475
To be around.
1298
00:53:33,477 --> 00:53:35,202
- Yeah.
1299
00:53:35,421 --> 00:53:37,237
Maybe not having
that father figure there...
1300
00:53:37,423 --> 00:53:38,589
- Yeah.
- I mean, that's tough.
1301
00:53:38,799 --> 00:53:40,925
And I kind of know
what that is,
1302
00:53:41,135 --> 00:53:42,609
Not, like, full-time,
1303
00:53:42,720 --> 00:53:43,968
But for the majority
of the week,
1304
00:53:44,013 --> 00:53:45,379
Like, my dad wasn't ever there.
1305
00:53:45,640 --> 00:53:49,308
My parents got married
at a super young age.
1306
00:53:49,518 --> 00:53:51,818
Like, my dad graduated college.
1307
00:53:51,938 --> 00:53:55,806
My mom had me
before she could graduate.
1308
00:53:55,900 --> 00:53:59,493
And then, my dad had to walk
to work to do construction
1309
00:53:59,528 --> 00:54:01,228
To provide for a family.
1310
00:54:01,489 --> 00:54:03,888
Like, there's a lot
of sacrifice they had to make
1311
00:54:04,116 --> 00:54:07,250
From, like, family time
to be able to provide for us
1312
00:54:07,411 --> 00:54:12,455
Or, like, provide
the life they wanted for us.
1313
00:54:12,583 --> 00:54:16,000
So, yeah, like, that has
to be super impactful for you.
1314
00:54:16,087 --> 00:54:17,844
- Yeah.
And growing up, it's like,
1315
00:54:18,005 --> 00:54:20,005
You're kind of encompassed
in your life, right?
1316
00:54:20,258 --> 00:54:21,598
So I never really
thought about that
1317
00:54:21,759 --> 00:54:24,409
Until I was, like, with
other friends and their dads.
1318
00:54:24,595 --> 00:54:25,885
And I was like,
oh, that kind of sucks.
1319
00:54:26,013 --> 00:54:27,829
Like, why isn't my dad
wanting to make the effort?
1320
00:54:27,932 --> 00:54:29,256
- Yeah.
1321
00:54:29,517 --> 00:54:32,809
- It was just something
I didn't even realize
1322
00:54:32,937 --> 00:54:36,029
Affected, like, more so,
I think, relationships
1323
00:54:36,190 --> 00:54:37,280
'cause you have
that feeling of like,
1324
00:54:37,400 --> 00:54:39,182
Well, if your dad
isn't making an effort
1325
00:54:39,402 --> 00:54:41,268
And that's such an
impactful person in your life,
1326
00:54:41,529 --> 00:54:43,178
Then why would, like,
any other man to do that?
1327
00:54:43,281 --> 00:54:44,697
- Yeah.
1328
00:54:44,907 --> 00:54:46,957
So I've learned a ton tonight.
1329
00:54:47,076 --> 00:54:48,692
And it's very good context
to, like,
1330
00:54:48,911 --> 00:54:51,361
Her entrepreneurial spirit
and her independence
1331
00:54:51,580 --> 00:54:55,148
And how she gained
that attribute about herself.
1332
00:54:55,334 --> 00:54:58,043
So it helps me kind of
navigate later on,
1333
00:54:58,337 --> 00:55:02,381
Like, expectations or things I
don't have to ask her later on
1334
00:55:02,591 --> 00:55:04,458
Because I know probably
how she'll,
1335
00:55:04,677 --> 00:55:06,326
You know, react
to certain situations
1336
00:55:06,554 --> 00:55:08,378
And how she'll be competent
in situations
1337
00:55:08,556 --> 00:55:10,380
Because
I have that as context.
1338
00:55:10,599 --> 00:55:15,385
Gina and I are getting all
the way to that crust tonight.
1339
00:55:15,604 --> 00:55:20,190
"what's your biggest
insecurity, and why?"
1340
00:55:20,401 --> 00:55:22,984
- My biggest insecurity.
1341
00:55:23,070 --> 00:55:24,570
Like, for me, I'm a workaholic,
1342
00:55:24,780 --> 00:55:27,363
But that stems from, like...
- Yeah.
1343
00:55:27,450 --> 00:55:29,066
- Not feeling like
I'm doing a good enough job.
1344
00:55:29,201 --> 00:55:30,509
- Yeah.
- Or, like,
1345
00:55:30,619 --> 00:55:32,077
Financial stability,
things like that,
1346
00:55:32,288 --> 00:55:33,804
I get insecure about that.
1347
00:55:33,956 --> 00:55:35,155
You see certain things
and you're like, ok, well,
1348
00:55:35,416 --> 00:55:38,833
I'm definitely gonna aim
for, like, financial stability
1349
00:55:38,919 --> 00:55:40,044
And success
and all those things,
1350
00:55:40,254 --> 00:55:42,337
Regardless
of what you come from.
1351
00:55:42,340 --> 00:55:43,664
- Yeah.
1352
00:55:43,666 --> 00:55:46,032
I'm more insecure about, like,
1353
00:55:46,260 --> 00:55:48,919
Just not fulfilling
the things that I want in life.
1354
00:55:49,055 --> 00:55:51,347
I mean, I'm 40 years old.
1355
00:55:51,599 --> 00:55:54,007
You know,
I'd like to have a family.
1356
00:55:54,209 --> 00:55:56,093
I want to have kids.
1357
00:55:56,312 --> 00:55:58,002
I want to eventually have kids.
- Mm-hmm.
1358
00:55:58,189 --> 00:56:01,281
- And I still have a lot
that I want to see.
1359
00:56:01,317 --> 00:56:03,675
- 40's still young.
1360
00:56:03,819 --> 00:56:05,777
I definitely enjoy
being a salon mom.
1361
00:56:05,821 --> 00:56:07,679
And so, I think--
and a dog mom.
1362
00:56:07,823 --> 00:56:09,706
So I think
I would be a good mom.
1363
00:56:09,825 --> 00:56:12,509
But it definitely depends
on the person.
1364
00:56:12,620 --> 00:56:15,095
And so, I'm just thankful
1365
00:56:15,289 --> 00:56:17,464
For the fact that clint and I
are on the same page.
1366
00:56:17,625 --> 00:56:19,616
And at the end of the day,
we can relate in a sense
1367
00:56:19,835 --> 00:56:21,885
Of wanting the same things
out of life.
1368
00:56:22,004 --> 00:56:23,954
"the thing I wanted
to wait to tell you
1369
00:56:24,173 --> 00:56:27,365
Until we've been together
longer is..."
1370
00:56:27,510 --> 00:56:29,760
- [sighs]
this is hard to say.
1371
00:56:32,181 --> 00:56:35,348
I have legally changed
hank's last name.
1372
00:56:35,351 --> 00:56:37,041
- No.
- [laughs]
1373
00:56:37,144 --> 00:56:39,236
- I'm leaving.
1374
00:56:39,271 --> 00:56:41,939
Buddy, did you hear that?
1375
00:56:44,735 --> 00:56:48,553
- ♪ I wanna do
whatever I wanna do ♪
1376
00:56:48,739 --> 00:56:50,763
♪ 'cause it feels good
to be bad ♪
1377
00:56:50,825 --> 00:56:55,727
♪ ♪
1378
00:56:55,871 --> 00:56:58,521
- Hello, honey.
- What's up?
1379
00:56:58,707 --> 00:57:00,857
- What are you doing
over there?
1380
00:57:01,043 --> 00:57:02,601
- Setting up a little activity
for us.
1381
00:57:02,753 --> 00:57:05,145
- A little activity?
- A little activity.
1382
00:57:05,297 --> 00:57:07,330
- What kind of little activity
are you setting up?
1383
00:57:07,466 --> 00:57:09,466
- Body paint.
1384
00:57:09,751 --> 00:57:12,243
- Oh, wow.
We need some big paint brushes.
1385
00:57:12,471 --> 00:57:14,370
You're gonna have to dump
all the paint on this body.
1386
00:57:14,515 --> 00:57:15,839
- I got a plan.
- You have a plan?
1387
00:57:16,016 --> 00:57:18,099
- Mm-hmm.
- Ok.
1388
00:57:18,144 --> 00:57:20,360
I'm gonna, um,
change real fast.
1389
00:57:20,362 --> 00:57:21,678
- All right.
- Ok.
1390
00:57:21,897 --> 00:57:24,030
- Kirsten wants us
to be more intimate
1391
00:57:24,150 --> 00:57:26,524
And wanted me
to take the lead things,
1392
00:57:26,652 --> 00:57:30,863
So tonight, I'm surprising my
wife with a body paint party.
1393
00:57:31,031 --> 00:57:33,948
Ooh. Come on, body.
1394
00:57:34,034 --> 00:57:36,618
- Ok, honey. Are you ready
to paint this body?
1395
00:57:36,745 --> 00:57:38,712
- I'ma put her to the test
to see if she really up for it.
1396
00:57:38,873 --> 00:57:42,874
Do she trust me enough to make
a masterpiece out of her body?
1397
00:57:42,960 --> 00:57:46,520
- Do you have, like,
any type of direction?
1398
00:57:46,589 --> 00:57:49,022
- You'll see it when I'm done.
1399
00:57:49,049 --> 00:57:50,740
- Ok.
1400
00:57:50,885 --> 00:57:52,116
Let's see how this turns out.
1401
00:57:52,303 --> 00:57:54,344
- Just know
I'm sensitive about my work.
1402
00:57:54,346 --> 00:57:56,196
- I'm sensitive about my body.
1403
00:57:56,348 --> 00:57:58,015
- Well, you gotta trust me
with your body.
1404
00:57:58,225 --> 00:57:59,683
- This is a good start,
right here.
1405
00:57:59,894 --> 00:58:02,418
Yeah, get into it.
Get into it.
1406
00:58:02,521 --> 00:58:04,271
Oh, my goodness.
1407
00:58:04,440 --> 00:58:06,565
Ooh, that paint is cold!
1408
00:58:06,817 --> 00:58:08,758
You serious.
You getting into this, huh?
1409
00:58:08,903 --> 00:58:11,228
[t. Kelley's "oceans"]
1410
00:58:11,447 --> 00:58:16,324
- ♪ we're slowly drifting
into temptation ♪
1411
00:58:16,327 --> 00:58:17,976
♪ hold on ♪
1412
00:58:18,120 --> 00:58:20,812
- Ok. I like where we're going.
1413
00:58:20,956 --> 00:58:22,997
It's like a little ombre
or something.
1414
00:58:23,042 --> 00:58:24,908
- Uh-uh.
- Mm-hmm, I see the fade.
1415
00:58:25,085 --> 00:58:26,651
- Mm-hmm.
- Ok.
1416
00:58:26,837 --> 00:58:28,261
- All right, let's see.
- Lookin' good.
1417
00:58:28,339 --> 00:58:29,563
- So on the other side...
1418
00:58:29,632 --> 00:58:31,331
- ♪ this moment ♪
1419
00:58:31,592 --> 00:58:36,678
♪ don't it feel like
we're floating on emotions ♪
1420
00:58:36,680 --> 00:58:38,071
♪ coasting ♪
1421
00:58:38,224 --> 00:58:40,924
♪ I'll dive in
and stroke it, baby ♪
1422
00:58:41,143 --> 00:58:44,061
- I'm gonna be
a work of art, darling.
1423
00:58:44,271 --> 00:58:47,931
- I'ma take a picture
and put you on a canvas.
1424
00:58:48,108 --> 00:58:50,100
- ♪ like crashing waves ♪
1425
00:58:50,319 --> 00:58:53,270
- ♪ 'cause this love
is deeper ♪
1426
00:58:53,447 --> 00:58:56,740
♪ than lakes and rivers ♪
1427
00:58:56,951 --> 00:58:58,541
- In the moment,
I feel her energy.
1428
00:58:58,577 --> 00:59:00,034
She's letting me lead.
1429
00:59:00,120 --> 00:59:02,846
And it feels great,
for once, to say like,
1430
00:59:02,957 --> 00:59:04,631
"all right.
Do your thing, player."
1431
00:59:04,633 --> 00:59:07,142
♪ ♪
1432
00:59:07,294 --> 00:59:10,437
- I like watching you
do this body art on me.
1433
00:59:10,631 --> 00:59:14,091
- ♪ the type of love
that'll make an ocean cry ♪
1434
00:59:14,301 --> 00:59:17,302
- You look damn good.
- Thanks to you.
1435
00:59:17,555 --> 00:59:20,054
Oh, I like how you put that
behind your ear.
1436
00:59:20,099 --> 00:59:22,282
Let's see.
Look at you.
1437
00:59:22,351 --> 00:59:24,301
My little artist.
1438
00:59:24,520 --> 00:59:26,502
I'm loving all the love
from shaquille tonight.
1439
00:59:26,689 --> 00:59:28,238
Like, this has definitely
been something
1440
00:59:28,315 --> 00:59:30,307
That I've been wanting,
for, like, you know,
1441
00:59:30,526 --> 00:59:32,483
Just that time
and that attention from him.
1442
00:59:32,611 --> 00:59:35,045
I love the quality time
that I've been looking for.
1443
00:59:35,155 --> 00:59:38,282
Like, this is definitely
spicing up our marriage.
1444
00:59:38,492 --> 00:59:40,317
- I want to try something.
- Ok.
1445
00:59:40,536 --> 00:59:42,560
Getting a little wild
and crazy in here.
1446
00:59:42,663 --> 00:59:43,486
- You trust me?
- Yeah.
1447
00:59:43,664 --> 00:59:45,171
- You sure?
- Yeah.
1448
00:59:45,249 --> 00:59:46,656
- You sure?
- Uh-huh.
1449
00:59:46,834 --> 00:59:49,025
- You sure?
- Mm-hmm.
1450
00:59:49,027 --> 00:59:51,177
- You sure?
- Mm-hmm.
1451
00:59:51,297 --> 00:59:53,313
- ♪ girl,
won't you put it 'pon me? ♪
1452
00:59:53,382 --> 00:59:55,498
♪ you got me going crazy ♪
1453
00:59:55,718 --> 00:59:57,551
♪ girl,
won't you put it 'pon me? ♪
1454
00:59:57,711 --> 00:59:59,803
♪ away, away ♪
1455
01:00:00,014 --> 01:00:01,988
♪ you got my heart locked up ♪
1456
01:00:02,057 --> 01:00:04,599
- Mmm. That was good.
1457
01:00:04,643 --> 01:00:06,977
- Was it good?
- Mm-hmm.
1458
01:00:07,187 --> 01:00:08,695
- You want another one?
- Mm-hmm.
1459
01:00:08,814 --> 01:00:10,813
- ♪ girl,
won't you put it 'pon me?
1460
01:00:10,858 --> 01:00:12,983
♪ you got me going crazy ♪
1461
01:00:13,193 --> 01:00:15,602
♪ girl,
won't you put it 'pon me?
1462
01:00:15,821 --> 01:00:17,404
[laughter]
- a little body roll.
1463
01:00:17,573 --> 01:00:18,763
- A little body roll.
1464
01:00:18,907 --> 01:00:21,291
A little body, body,
body, body, body.
1465
01:00:21,410 --> 01:00:23,510
- Body-ody-ody.
- A little body roll.
1466
01:00:23,579 --> 01:00:25,712
- ♪ I want to turn it up ♪
1467
01:00:25,714 --> 01:00:27,864
♪ ♪
1468
01:00:28,042 --> 01:00:29,791
- Come on.
Let's go get washed up.
1469
01:00:29,835 --> 01:00:32,318
- Yeah.
- Sweet love.
1470
01:00:32,421 --> 01:00:33,703
- Sweet love.
1471
01:00:33,988 --> 01:00:36,039
- You know,
consummating this marriage
1472
01:00:36,300 --> 01:00:41,135
Will definitely help
the chemistry and intimacy grow
1473
01:00:41,138 --> 01:00:42,712
In a major way.
1474
01:00:42,931 --> 01:00:44,972
I don't know
if it's gonna happen tonight.
1475
01:00:45,059 --> 01:00:48,234
Only shaquille and I
will know about that.
1476
01:00:48,236 --> 01:00:49,894
♪ ♪
1477
01:00:49,938 --> 01:00:51,421
- ♪ I want to play it rough ♪
1478
01:00:51,565 --> 01:00:54,240
♪ I want to turn it up ♪
1479
01:00:54,242 --> 01:00:57,744
[kissing]
1480
01:00:57,905 --> 01:01:00,563
- Still to come this season
on "married at first sight"...
1481
01:01:00,741 --> 01:01:03,316
- ♪ yeah, baby,
I'm a rock star ♪
1482
01:01:03,369 --> 01:01:05,393
- Women are feeling it.
I mean, he's looking sexy.
1483
01:01:05,579 --> 01:01:07,311
- Sometimes, you have
to let me take control.
1484
01:01:07,498 --> 01:01:10,340
Kirsten and I have
consummated our marriage.
1485
01:01:10,459 --> 01:01:12,826
- ♪ there's nothing
better than us ♪
1486
01:01:12,920 --> 01:01:15,361
[cheering]
1487
01:01:15,589 --> 01:01:17,514
♪ for you,
I put it all on the line ♪
1488
01:01:17,633 --> 01:01:19,733
♪ there's nothing better
than us ♪
1489
01:01:19,927 --> 01:01:23,411
- Who knows? We might amazon a
damn sex chair after all this.
1490
01:01:23,597 --> 01:01:26,223
- I might have one.
- Damn, gina.
1491
01:01:26,475 --> 01:01:29,926
- So many things trending
in the right direction.
1492
01:01:30,145 --> 01:01:31,645
- Do you love her?
- I do love you.
1493
01:01:31,847 --> 01:01:34,481
- I love you too.
1494
01:01:34,641 --> 01:01:35,982
Aw.
1495
01:01:36,110 --> 01:01:38,342
- And as long
as we continue this marriage,
1496
01:01:38,445 --> 01:01:39,677
You have to buy us a house.
1497
01:01:39,822 --> 01:01:41,529
- I have to buy it?
- Mm-hmm.
1498
01:01:41,532 --> 01:01:44,441
[tense music]
1499
01:01:44,451 --> 01:01:45,659
- You don't want to dance
with your wife.
1500
01:01:45,911 --> 01:01:48,369
Instead, you want to go dance
with the instructor.
1501
01:01:48,455 --> 01:01:51,464
Emotionally, I just don't know
what I have left to give.
1502
01:01:51,542 --> 01:01:52,766
I'm at my breaking point.
1503
01:01:52,793 --> 01:01:54,300
[sniffles]
1504
01:01:54,420 --> 01:01:56,235
- I didn't sign up
for this journey
1505
01:01:56,380 --> 01:01:57,336
To be married to a friend.
1506
01:01:57,381 --> 01:01:59,272
I have lots of friends.
1507
01:01:59,341 --> 01:02:01,299
- Is there sadness coming up?
1508
01:02:01,552 --> 01:02:04,978
- I didn't realize
I had so many issues.
1509
01:02:05,139 --> 01:02:07,723
- I don't want you
to keep feeling like this.
1510
01:02:07,975 --> 01:02:09,299
- They saying
you sliding in dms.
1511
01:02:09,518 --> 01:02:12,102
- Yeah, it was me.
I slid in gina's dms.
1512
01:02:12,312 --> 01:02:13,236
Why do you want
to marry this--
1513
01:02:13,313 --> 01:02:14,637
Stay married to this loser?
1514
01:02:14,815 --> 01:02:17,840
- If you're not interested,
there's the door.
1515
01:02:17,985 --> 01:02:19,609
- We're in this together,
shaquille.
1516
01:02:19,820 --> 01:02:22,153
- You are beautiful
inside and out.
1517
01:02:22,197 --> 01:02:24,055
- ♪ you are my people ♪
1518
01:02:24,199 --> 01:02:27,391
♪ oh, this is my homeland ♪
1519
01:02:27,536 --> 01:02:29,594
♪ this is my family ♪
1520
01:02:29,663 --> 01:02:31,854
- The time has come.
1521
01:02:31,999 --> 01:02:33,890
Do you want to stay married?
1522
01:02:34,001 --> 01:02:35,817
- Or do you want
to get a divorce?
1523
01:02:35,961 --> 01:02:37,660
- ♪ you are my people ♪
1524
01:02:37,838 --> 01:02:40,847
♪ you are my people ♪
1525
01:02:40,849 --> 01:02:44,342
♪ ♪