- ♪ oh ♪
- Clint. - Nice to meet you.
- Just over one month ago,
Ten singles took a brave leap of faith
In order to find love.
They married as complete strangers.
- ♪ oh ♪
- Last time, our couples celebrated
Their one-month anniversary as husband and wife.
- You just love to have a good time.
You don't take life too seriously.
I like that. That's growing on me.
- I think we've made monumental leaps
From where we were even two weeks ago.
You know, we'll see. We're both committed people.
- ♪ I'm ready to love ♪
- Is married sex different from, like, single sex?
- A little bit because
We know we have the rest of our lives to have sex,
So we don't feel the pressure
To do it every time we're next to each other.
But at the same time, we just started,
So we want to do it as often as possible.
- I don't want to keep getting asked...
- Ok. So we're committed-- - "have y'all had sex yet?"
"when are you gonna have sex?" "why aren't you having sex?"
Ooh, ooh, ooh. - So are we committed
To having sex after decision day...
- Yeah. - But growing intimacy
In other ways before decision day?
- Yeah. - Ok.
- I'm starting to open up to you
And I'm letting those walls down.
It seem like-- - but that's on your time.
I don't know if I want to be with somebody
Who just continues to have a guard up with somebody
Who actually wants to be in this marriage with them.
♪ ♪
[goat bleating]
- And tonight, with less than four weeks
Until decision day... - Ooh.
- Our couples must find new ways of going deeper
In hopes of learning more about their spouse.
- What about chemistry and intimacy?
How is that increasing?
- ♪ turn me on, turn me on ♪
♪ lay me down, lay me down ♪
- We've been doing better at it.
[laughter] we've been doing better.
- What worries you most at the moment?
- Our marriage.
I just started to love myself.
And now, I'm in this marriage that I've longed for forever,
And now my person not even feeling me.
- I want to know what makes gina gina.
I want to know what her hopes and her dreams are.
- That's been what we've said for three weeks.
It's like, "I really want to get to know gina to her crust,"
And all these things, but he's never asked me
Any deep-ended questions.
♪ ♪
- I've noticed, since we've been married,
That it's been really challenging to be open
Because I've never really felt like I could be vulnerable.
♪ ♪
I'm a little worried that I'll just wake up
And this little, happy life we're living won't--
Won't be so happy anymore.
♪ ♪
- You both made
This enormous commitment to each other.
You need to go over and above what feels easy.
I'm asking you to dig deep and do that.
♪ ♪
- It's all or nothing ♪
- This is "married at first sight."
♪ there's no other way ♪
♪ ♪
♪ it's all or nothing ♪
- ♪ wash your love, feel it all over ♪
♪ soak it up, yeah ♪
♪ till you shine, shine, shine ♪
♪ and leave it all behind ♪
♪ oh, live a little louder ♪
♪ oh ♪
- Hello. Hi. - Hello.
[goat bleating]
- My dad has always been supportive of me
But not necessarily of this experiment.
Hi, goat. - Are you gonna join us?
- So I really want to do a fun activity
With my dad and chris to really get us all bonded
And also share a little bit of something
My dad and I love to do together.
- Ok. [goat bleating]
- It's ok, baby. - Nicole, is that you?
- I got you. [goat bleating]
- Ok, good. So we're gonna inhale.
Bring your arms up overhead.
And then exhale, fold over.
- ♪ it's all little things that keep my heart singing ♪
- Press yourself back into a downward facing goat.
- My dad and I started our regular yoga practice together
At a time that was really stressful for both of us.
- Here we go. Climb the hill.
- Parkour.
And it made us stronger, made us better people,
Have a better relationship.
- [chuckles] look at your dad.
- I'm hopeful that by him spending more time with chris
And having a little fun together...
- Hey, the horns don't work.
[honks] oh, they do. Sorry.
- That he'll be supportive of not only me
But me, chris, our marriage, and this process.
That would be the dream.
[laughter]
- Thank you so much for coming to class.
That's the end.
I'll just leave you some time to just hang out
With the goats for a little bit, ok?
- Thank you. - Thank you.
- Namaste. [goat bleating]
How young was she when she started doing yoga with you?
- Well, I brought him to yoga. - Oh, you brought him.
Oh, ok. - She introduced me to yoga.
- He, of course, had to outdo me
And became a yoga instructor.
- And I used to teach at her college.
Rugby guys. - The entire rugby team.
- The entire rugby team, we taught them.
They were good guys, not flexible.
[laughter]
- So I was wanting to get, like, your perspective
Of how she was growing up and how she's changed
And developed and stuff like that over the years.
- You could be honest. - Yeah.
- Ok, well, I mean, her mother and I were divorced.
And nicole was--
- Four. - But we were close.
I mean, nobody knew we were divorced.
We went to all the school functions.
It was never-- that wasn't the problem.
The thing is, is that as nicole got older and became a teen,
It was like, she didn't want to spend time with me.
Why would she? She had to come to my house.
She had to sleep on a couch. I didn't have another bedroom.
It was difficult. And she would talk back to me.
She didn't want to be with me. She would, um...
She would ditch me when she was supposed to visit me.
She was--she had an attitude.
But she's learned to grow. She's grown as a person.
I mean, I'm sure you were different when you were 21.
You were 20, also. - Yeah.
- She's grown as a person. - Yeah.
So when did you think nicole
Saw the biggest change in her life?
- Right now. - Right now?
- This is it. All this.
[gentle music]
- Have you ever seen me this happy?
- Um...
You're not as much happy as you're content right now.
And you have been so not contented in life
That that makes you happy.
That's a good sign.
I mean, I'm cautiously optimistic.
I mean, nobody knows what can happen in this world.
But where we are right now, I couldn't be happier.
♪ ♪
He's still her "husband," as I call them--call him.
And he is still my "son-in-law."
But as time goes on, the quotes will go away.
And we'll see what life brings.
You know, they're still here.
They're still standing, as they say.
You know what? You can call me dad.
After we did this, you can call me dad.
♪ way past the feelings ♪
♪ I think I made it to your side ♪
- You said I had to wait till decision day
Or until this is all was over, so what changed?
- No, what I said is that you had to earn my respect
And I had to earn yours, so I don't know
If I've earned yours, but you've earned mine.
- You've earned mine. You've earned mine, for sure.
- I mean, I thought it would take eight weeks,
But doggone it!
You're genuinely concerned about my daughter
And my daughter is genuinely concerned about you,
And that's all I ask.
- ♪ it feels like happiness ♪
♪ yeah, I guess I think I'm happy now ♪
♪ ♪
[bleeding fingers' "wheel of moonshine"]
♪ ♪
- I'm so happy dr. Pepper is coming to see us today.
- Finish chewing, please.
- Don't you start on messing with me today.
- Every couple is on their own unique marriage journey,
But with less than four weeks left before decision day,
It's our job as experts to help these relationships progress.
- Hello!
- This week, I will be meeting with each of the couples
And encouraging them
To reveal vulnerabilities about themselves.
- Wow, these are such beautiful flowers.
Who got them for you? - You got them for me.
- Learning these things about each other
Will have a major impact on whether they decide
To stay married or get a divorce.
- ♪ you, baby ♪
♪ you win at everything you do, baby ♪
♪ I got you, baby ♪
- What questions should we ask her?
I mean, I'm sure she's gonna ask us how we're doing.
- It's so much you can ask,
But when, you know, when they're not around,
It's like, I wish they was here at this moment.
And I would ask them--
- Like the other day, I was hoping that somebody
Would have been here, when we were sitting on the couch.
- It just seem like, in your life,
That it's always been on your time of what you wanted,
And for me, like, nah, that ain't gonna fly.
It's not all about kirsten.
- Like, sometimes I know I struggle
With telling you how I feel.
- Yeah, but I have some additional questions
I want to ask too.
- Ask away.
The other night was a tough night for us.
And I'm like, we need a expert here.
We need somebody to come mediate.
You know, I may have one or two questions today, but--
- Five questions tomorrow? - Yeah, probably 12.
Shoot.
It sound like we couldn't come to any type of solution
Or any type of agreement.
And I'm like, how do we get through times like that?
Dr. Pepper. - Hi.
- Hey. - So good to see you guys.
- How are you?
- [laughs] - we brought you cookies!
- Oh, bad girl.
Thank you. - Good to see you!
I love your blouse. You look so beautiful.
- Oh, thank you. - Hi.
How are you? - I am good.
It's just really great to see you guys.
- How have you been?
- I have been great, actually.
But, you know, the important thing
Is that I'm here to help you guys, you know?
I want to know what you are wanting some guidance on
'cause I helped put you together.
I want to keep you together.
- I mean, I would say the biggest thing right now
Is just learning how to communicate with each other,
Especially, like, when we're having disagreements
Or when we're not on the same page.
- Let me give you two keys that I use for myself
That I think are really important.
One is to make no assumptions,
Because whatever you assumed
Has got a good chance of being wrong.
Second rule--
This is pepper schwartz's reinterpretation of the bible.
[laughter]
"you know, do unto others
As you would have them done unto you."
No.
[laughs] - mm-hmm.
- In relationships, it is do unto others
As they would have done unto themselves.
"what's my partner need?" "how will they receive this?"
You will be able to get more trust.
You will be able to be more vulnerable
Because you will feel understood and taken care of.
Does that make sense? - That makes a lot of sense
And relating to what we've been through so far, honestly.
Like, I definitely feel like that's the friction
That we've been having right now in our marriage.
- So what I want to talk about today
Is how you can be more open because that's what it'll take
To be able to confide in each other
To deepen this relationship.
I mean, I don't know.
When you think about, like, going back to your childhood,
Was there anything in your family
Or growing up as a little kid
Where you feel there were things that affected you?
And can you explain it in a way
So he would understand vulnerabilities you have?
- When my mom and dad split up,
It was a little shameful, you know?
I think that just with that separation,
Like, it made me just,
I guess, become more so closed off
Because I didn't understand what happened
And why it happened and, you know, how my life changed
Because I'm living in two different households.
So that was really a difficult time for me.
Like, it was always me making my own decisions.
And I always tried to handle my own issues
And my own sadness by myself,
So sometimes I would, like, sweep how I feel under the rug,
You know, and not really talk to people all the time
About how I feel, or what I'm thinking, so...
- You think it's affecting your marriage a bit?
- Possibly so, yes.
- Marriage requires letting down a lot of those boundaries
And trusting the other person to take care of you
And being able to let them take care of you some
And still not feel like you're losing,
You know, this hard-fought, you know, sense of yourself
As a competent person who can survive and flourish.
But you can do both.
And that's the art of it.
- Yeah.
- You're such a positive person, shaquille.
Are there any things in your background, though,
That you feel shame about, that you had to wrestle with?
- My mom worked a lot, and at one point in my life,
Um, I just felt like the presence wasn't there.
Like, she always provided food on the table
And always worked to give us a quality lifestyle,
But I wanted so much more because I thought--
- What did you want?
- You know, I looked at other people's family
And saw, like, the perfect family.
Like, I found my biological father at 17,
When I went to college,
But it was a shameful thing to be like,
"well, where you been at for 17 years
And you knew you was my dad?"
And I held a grudge against him
Till, like, one day, we had a conversation.
I was like, "you know, I forgive you.
And I'm ready to move this relationship forward."
And a lot of times, I had to forgive myself
'cause I was setting the expectations for them
That I didn't even realize.
- We definitely can, you know,
Understand each other a little bit better.
- Well, I think that's important.
All these stories are important.
Let's talk about another area of perhaps difference.
So what about chemistry and intimacy?
How is that increasing?
- You can talk about it. - [chuckles]
- Yes? No? - Mm...
♪ ♪
We've been doing better at it.
- [laughs] - 'cause at first--
- "we've been better at it." - we've been doing better.
'cause at first, it was she didn't want to kiss at all.
She was like, "it's gonna take a little time."
Great. I accepted it.
We'll see each other. I'll hug her.
I'll give her a forehead kiss. And then it started growing.
And then it was like, "well, I want a kiss."
But that just sort of happened when I wasn't my best self.
There's a lot of things happening in my life.
- Yeah. - I could've had
A busy week at work. Like, last week
Just wasn't a good week mentally for me.
And there was one morning where I went to work
And I didn't do the forehead kiss
'cause she was smuggled in a pillow
And I didn't want to wake her.
And then, I got a text message saying,
"well, I need, you know, the kisses."
- Well, first of all,
A forehead kiss is...Ok
As a mix of other big kind of kisses.
But I would try and graduate pdq
To real, serious spousal kisses.
Is that too much to think about?
- No, it's not.
- Because if she makes a bid to say,
"I need kisses," or, "I need more from you.
I want to know you want me," it's a serious thing
Because we need them to have the courage,
The vulnerability to give more of ourselves.
So by drawing back from her, shaquille,
That's gonna feel rejecting.
That's gonna feel like you don't want her.
Maybe you're angry.
Maybe you feel like you're still reacting
To when she was saying, "no, I don't need kisses then."
That was then.
You got to put away all that stuff,
If you're still holding on to any of it,
And give her your masculine, desirous self.
♪ ♪
- Ok. I know what I got to do to fix the problem.
♪ ♪
- ♪ an electric combination ♪
♪ what a pair we make between the both of us ♪
♪ never-ending through the rough times ♪
- Hey, buddy. What's happening?
- Look at you, hanging out by the pool.
- Yeah, man. I'm a pool fool.
How is mrs. Webb?
- Mrs. Webb is, uh--
She's getting used to the name.
- You guys been able to go, like, sailing or anything?
- Yeah. I took gina sailing.
She caught on pretty quick.
- So you have a potential pirate partner there?
- Yeah, we're getting her a parrot
And a peg leg pretty soon. - Nice.
- And then, when she starts to gain glaucoma,
We'll give her the patch.
- [chuckles] yeah.
So what else is going on, man? What's the news?
- We're in, like, a really good place now.
Like, we're growing as far as the relationship is concerned.
But one thing that we've been lacking
And I've kind of voiced, is, like,
I want to know the inner crust.
I want to know, like, everything about you.
You know, we're both in sales, so we like
To, like, open up the door by telling a story
And maybe, "hey, let me share something about me,"
And say, "hey, the door is wide open if you want
To come through it." - yeah.
- But if there's no reciprocating story,
Or sharing of anything, then you're like, ok, like,
I made an honest attempt. - I get it.
I mean, like, you and I, like, we're just open books.
I mean, you got to get us to shut up.
- Right. - And it does seem odd
When someone's not that way.
Just remember,
It's like trying to get a chipmunk to come out--
No sudden movements.
- Right.
- She'll probably, as she gets more comfortable
In the process, do it more naturally...
- Yeah. - Without thinking about it.
- We're in a good place right now,
But, yeah, we have a lot to work on.
You know, another month from now,
And we've got to sit down and decide.
And trying to strip back those, you know,
Onion layers in gina, it's just been a challenge.
So, yeah, I think it's more just, like,
How do we get to the next stage?
Like, how do we have the best information available to us
To make that decision?
- Have a little margarita night.
- Yeah. We're going to do keg stands tonight.
"oh, now that you had 3/4 of a keg, who are you?
"what are your deepest passions?
"what are your thoughts?
"what are the things that happened to you
"that made you the way that you are?
Who do you want to be?"
- I mean, it could work.
- Yeah. Just get in there.
- [laughs]
[pop music]
♪ ♪
- How was work? - [laughing]
It was work. It's pretty good.
- So you know we're about to see dr. Pepper.
I feel like any time the experts can help,
Like, you know, I'm here for it.
You know, I'ma be interested in, you know,
Seeing dr. Pepper's take on things.
- Yeah, same.
- I feel like women solve a lot of the problems
In the world, anyways. Like-- - mm.
Do you? - Yeah.
Like, this world would be crazy
If it was just left up to men.
Like, you know. - Ok. Hmm...
- So, I mean, aside from eve ruining, like, civilization.
But all the women after eve... - Ok.
- You know, they've done great things.
- Eve ruined it. - Eve ruined it.
- Ok.
[laughter]
I am super excited to meet with dr. Pepper.
- There you are. - Hi!
I'm ready to-- in this moment,
I'm just ready to lay everything out to her
And just to get her feedback and her wisdom
On how we should move forward.
- Well, my purpose is always to help y'all,
So be not afraid.
- Right. - Ok?
But I do get the feeling
That you guys have not been progressing
In the way that we would want you to.
What are the things that you feel would help you connect?
- Um, I guess the conversation--
Like, the more deeper conversations I want to have,
I'm kind of hoping and leaning on him
To lead and kind of do those conversations.
Like, the attraction thing,
Like, that kind of hurt my feelings.
And that was kind of something
I was worried about coming into this,
But I was like, oh, you know, whatever.
But it's my reality.
So it was just kind of like we were existing,
We were stagnant, and I was just letting it be that.
And I guess I'm just gonna have to do a better job
Of initiating that with us and then try and get
The emotional connection that I need from him,
And, in turn, he might get the emotional connection
He needs from me.
- Share something now with him
That would let him know you a little better.
- Mm...
I guess one thing I can share with you
Is how I mentor these girls
And I have these girls all the time.
And I'm, like, honing in on them
To, like, be true to themselves,
And speaking up for themselves,
And not letting anything go by the wayside.
And I feel like, um,
You know, I haven't been doing that.
- Why haven't you felt like you could do this with him?
- I think one of the biggest things for me
Was we did move when I was young--
Like, I went from having all my friends
Till I was, like, nine years old
To moving to a space where I didn't fit in anymore.
I had very low self-esteem.
And so, once I got out of school and I came back here,
It was like I found myself.
I found this person. I got this self-love.
So the person I am now, it took a lot to get here.
So I think the biggest thing, for me, was in this of, like,
Being in my marriage and him, like, not feeling me,
I'm like, I just started to love myself.
I just, you know, got to this person who I am all about.
And now, I'm in this marriage that I've longed for forever,
And now my person not even feeling me.
I felt almost like I was in the marriage by myself.
[tense music]
So it was like, is it even makes sense
Or is it even worth me telling him this?
Does he really even care?
♪ ♪
- Have you thought it might not be about you?
♪ ♪
- No.
♪ ♪
[pensive music]
- This guy's 39 years old.
- Mm-hmm.
- I would say that it may be something
That he's having trouble having a connection.
And maybe there are reasons
That you let things get in the way.
And the lack of chemistry might be something
That has nothing to do with her.
It's a possibility to consider.
What do you think?
- Um...
I feel like I've experienced,
Like, some major deaths in my family, like my father.
You know, one of my best friends
Killed hisself in high school. - Mm-hmm.
- My other friend, my freshman year in college,
We were roommates, and then, like, my junior year,
He got hit by a drunk driver and died.
So, like, just kind of being afraid to be close to people
Because, like, there's a possibility of them leaving,
That might sound crazy to someone else,
But that's, like, just the norm for me.
So I feel like that has, like, impacted me,
And it's, like, still impacting me today.
- Do you think you got married at first sight
To keep you from running?
- Yeah, that's one of the things, like,
That I was hoping.
And just, you know, like,
You come home and see your dad cutting grass,
And then you see your dad in the car
And driving-- working on the car,
And he's showing you how to change the oil,
Or just outside, like, playing catch,
Like, I missed a lot of that,
So, like, I've been yearning for that,
Like, since I was a kid, you know?
- So what you want the most might scare you the most,
Because, otherwise, you might just be in a marriage.
You might settle in. You might have to invest.
And you'd have to get over the fear
That that person would be killed, or die, or leave you.
So the safest way is not to let yourself be close,
Not to let yourself trust,
Not to let yourself be dependent on someone's love.
- Yeah, I agree.
- And so, you've got your work cut out for you.
[laughter]
- Lord. - 'cause it's a lot to know.
- But that's stuff that I want to know.
Like, and we haven't had that conversation.
I didn't even know, like, any of that.
I mean, I knew the people that died in his life,
But the other stuff, I had no clue.
- Well, he's starting to tell you.
And there's a lot to know. - Mm-hmm.
- And there's a lot to excavate
And to give him compassion, to give him support,
Because this is really hard for him.
- Mm-hmm.
- So tell him a little bit about
How you feel your family life has impacted you.
- I feel like-- - to him.
- I've had, you know, the complete opposite of that.
Like, I had both of my parents.
And I feel like-- I feel like I was sheltered.
They made me think life was amazing.
I've never seen my parents argue either,
So that's probably why I'm a non-confrontational person.
And it's also another reason why I probably don't know
How to communicate in my relationships,
Because if they were mad about something,
We don't know how they solved it,
We don't know how they fixed it,
But they did it behind closed doors and not in front of us.
So I don't have that tool
Of knowing how, in a relationship,
To work through my things. - I get that.
It strikes me that,
Even though you have very different family patterns,
There are certainly some feelings of loss and pain
That you both share. - Mm-hmm.
- And we all create different kinds of defenses.
There's a lot of understanding and support
You guys can give each other, but you have to know each other
At this level. - Mm-hmm.
- And I think the challenge, for you,
Is to be who you tell your girls to be.
- Mm-hmm.
- Stand up for yourself. Say how you're feeling.
Communicate to him.
Your challenge will be to be open to her,
To try and know her more,
To build that half-full glass,
And not go to the runner that you've been.
That's not a good place for you.
It isn't.
You both made this enormous commitment to each other.
You wanted marriage because you wanted a connection
That had some gravitas,
Some seriousness, some commitment.
You need to go over and above what feels easy
And go to what feels like
You're honoring that commitment.
This is important.
I'm asking you to dig deep...
And do that. - Right.
- ♪ and I'll keep hanging on, hanging on ♪
♪ know that I'm hanging on ♪
♪ hanging on with you ♪
♪ ♪
[pop music]
♪ ♪
- I'm getting sleepy.
Is that your happy food dance
Or something? - Yeah, when you get food.
- Let me get us a plate for us to put it on.
There you go.
So you remember the other day,
When we were talking about making me a real estate logo?
- Mm-hmm. - Can you help me with that?
Can you, like, sketch something up?
- Yeah. Do you have an idea of what you want?
- Hold that thought.
- I consider myself a successful realtor.
This year has been a great year for me.
I kind of, like, sketched up something a couple of times.
But I'm always looking for ways to stand out
And get that edge over the competition.
This is one logo,
But you can't really tell what it is, so...
- No, that's pretty cool. Yeah, that's also a slogan.
So even with the k, it's like even if you do...
Like, the k, and you put, like, a little house...
- I like that. I'm like where you're going.
- Over the top.
Like, box it in with the little windows
As if it's, like, the front door or something.
- Ok now.
Come on now. - That's what I'm saying.
I'm a man of many talents.
- I see. I love that.
- And you know-- - you are talented, honey.
You know how to build websites too?
- Mm-hmm. - You might have
To create me a invoice.
[sniffles] I need a website.
- You think I'ma charge you?
- You don't have to charge me.
You will get paid anyways in other ways.
[chuckles]
You know, what really turns me on
Is a handsome, sexy man...
[smacks lips] handling his business.
- This is kirsten dillon's brand.
- Kirsten dillon.
That sounds good.
It's just-- it's just something about it.
- Hmm? - Huh?
[laughter]
[gentle music]
♪ ♪
- So this particular meeting has what we hope
Are some ways to elevate the relationship
To make it deeper and stronger,
Which I gather it's all pretty straight.
It's pretty strong and wonderful.
- Oh, yeah. Yeah. - So far, so good.
- So, you know, we're loving that, right?
You know, that's-- that's just great news to us.
So what we're gonna talk about today
Is building trust, exploring vulnerability,
You know, in a sense, a little bit more about the things
That have influenced and that might affect the marriage.
We're gonna explore that. - Ok.
- So... - Yeah, we're ready.
- Go for it. Why don't you start?
- Sure.
So I've noticed, since we've been married
And have been having a lot of deep conversations,
That my past relationships actually affected me
A lot more than they did
Because I've always had a guard up
Because I've had-- from my first relationship on,
It was just a terrible first relationship
That kind of set the foundation
For all my future relationships.
So I never really felt like I could be vulnerable
Because being vulnerable made you weak,
And when you're weak, you get taken advantage of.
I mean, I would literally call myself a robot
And say I couldn't cry in front of the men I was dating
Because they would see me as weak,
They wouldn't respect me.
And, thankfully, that has not been the case here.
But it's been really challenging,
From a personal perspective, to be that open
Because I'm so not used to that
And uncomfortable with it almost.
Any guy who treated me with respect,
I didn't recognize that because that's not what I knew.
And I always push those guys away
And leaned towards the ones who were disrespectful.
After doing that for 15 years,
It became a pattern that I couldn't really get out of.
♪ ♪
- That's a lot of time
That you weren't getting what you needed,
Weren't being treated how you deserved,
And were looking for maybe
The right kinds of attention from the wrong kinds of people.
I think being vulnerable shows strength.
- And see, for me, I would always show vulnerability.
I always thought it was important to not put up walls.
I always thought is important to be who you are
From day one till the day you die.
And so, that's how I've always lived my life.
And for some women, maybe it's me coming on too strong.
And, you know, I had bad relationships
That didn't work out, maybe, because of it.
But it's just like,
My attention is good enough for somebody out there,
And you just have to find who it is.
And it took this process to find it.
Thank you for my wife.
- Well, I'm so glad you can say that.
I think it's important, though,
That you keep delving into those things in your life
That you may feel shy about. - Yeah.
- I think you've been doing some of them already.
I mean, we're all about trying
To build as strong a foundation as possible,
Just so that when something does come up
That's really upsetting,
The foundation is strong enough to hold the house together.
♪ ♪
[pop music]
♪ ♪
- Hi, boys. - Hi, boys.
- Hi, puppies.
- In addition to meeting with the couples in person,
We've also sent them a fishbowl
Full of questions to ask each other.
- Oh, you want to go to bed? [dog farts]
Did you just fart... - Did you just toot?
- When you jumped? He farted.
Air fart.
You are one sick puppy.
Should we go through the inquisition?
- Should we dive through the cookie jar?
- We've included questions that will help the couples
Discuss topics that they might not bring up on their own.
- "what will keep you feeling safe and secure
In our marriage, and why?"
- You, showing me that you're able to always take the lead.
That would make me feel secure
And safe in this marriage, for me.
- I'm just saying, I'ma do it.
I don't want you to be pissed off when I do.
- Ok.
[laughter]
- We hope this exercise will encourage the couples
To share secrets
And open up about their innermost thoughts...
- You can just pull all the questions.
- Which is something every couple needs
In order to sustain a lifelong marriage.
- First question says,
"what will make you or keep you feeling safe and secure
In our marriage, and why?"
- I can't think of anything.
[pensive music]
- "the thing I would like for you to know
About my upbringing is..."
♪ ♪
- I feel like we've, um, tackled that.
- Yeah, skip it.
"the thing I wanted to wait to tell you
Until we've been together longer is blank."
- I haven't not told you anything, so...
♪ ♪
- "the hardest thing I've had to forgive is..."
♪ ♪
- You go first. I'm thinking.
- One of the things that jasmine had mentioned
To dr. Pepper was, you know, she just wanted
To have deeper conversations, more conversations overall,
But, you know, it seems like
She's struggling for things to come up with.
The thing for me is my friend,
When he committed suicide,
'cause in the moment, I feel like it's--
It's, like, a very selfish thing to do.
- Mm-hmm. - You know, I'm just thinking,
Like, man, how could you do that to your mom,
Or how could you do that, like, to your dad.
His dad's probably one of the strongest men
That I've been around, like, growing up.
And just to see him, like, losing it,
Like, screaming and shouting, like, that was crazy to me.
Um, so, for a while,
You know, I kind of, like, held a grudge.
But who knows what he was going through in that moment?
Whatever it is, maybe it was just too much,
You know, for him to bear at that time, so...
But I'm at a place-- I got to a place
Where I, you know, forgave him.
And, you know, I still got a good relationship with his mom.
She was at the wedding,
You know, so I feel like he would be happy with that.
- The hardest thing I had to forgive...
I mean,
Nothing's really coming to me
That was just, like, so hard.
Um...
- You know, I thought this is something
That she wanted to do.
And you're saying you want to have these conversations.
We're having a conversation.
I'm telling her about some of my traumas.
Like, I'm going deep.
Like, I'm trying to get that same from her,
But it's not happening.
I'm just kind of confused about, like,
What's going on right now in this moment.
Um...
"what worries you most at the moment?"
- Hmm, what worries me most at the moment..
Our marriage.
That's what worries me most at this moment.
♪ ♪
- ♪ keep keepin' on ♪
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- How's it going? - Nice to see you.
I'm going great. Thank you.
- [chuckles]
- So, so much water under the bridge.
- Lots of water, yeah.
We feel like we're in a good place,
Especially from where we were early on.
We have grown a lot in the last couple weeks.
Like, we're spending more time together.
Like, she'll come into my room at night.
Hank's in there.
And she'll sit on the floor, and we'll just sit there
And talk. - Keyword: Hank's in there.
- I gather that you have fallen in love with her dog?
- Oh, yeah, but it's just--
It's nice spending time, like, in that capacity.
And, like, that's something that's new, and I like that.
- We've really just been trying to focus on having fun.
- Well, I'm gonna try and take you deeper
Because just having fun isn't gonna make this a marriage.
- Yeah.
- So what I want to talk about today
Is how you can be more vulnerable and open
Because that's what it'll take to open up your hearts
And, to some extent, chemistry.
- Yeah.
- How do you think past experiences
With either shame or vulnerability
Have impacted how you are in this marriage?
- I have, like, struggled, I think, with vulnerability
In the past.
You know, I grew up with a single mom.
And so, it's easy for me to be super vulnerable with women.
And so, especially, like, in the salon,
I can open up and talk about anything.
But with men, I've struggled until there's, like,
A safe space to really share that side.
- What does it take for you to have a safe space?
- I think really just getting to know the person.
And we've done that.
I think that, for a long time, we focused--
You know, our honeymoon was pretty triggering
'cause it was focusing a lot on the negatives.
But I think it's been hard for us probably
To deep-dive into conversations
'cause the last time that we did was on the honeymoon.
And it was so negative that we've really just
Been trying to focus on just not getting into too deep.
- But often, chemistry is created
Because of exactly these kinds of conversations.
And you owe it your growth and your effort.
What about you? What do you think?
How would you answer this?
- So that's, like, an attribute that I herald, is, like,
I try to be vulnerable as much as possible.
If somebody wants to know something about me,
Like, I give them the unadulterated story.
I don't hold back.
I've been in relationships to where,
You know, they were long-term relationships.
And somebody had a false persona for three years.
It's like, I thought that was gonna be it for me.
I thought that was marriage and kids.
And then all of a sudden, it's like,
This is not the right person.
So that's where I'm just like,
Hey, I want to know what makes gina gina.
I want to know what her hopes and her dreams are.
I've quantified it as "the crust," right?
I want to know the nitty-gritty.
And that's important to me, to really, you know,
Build that trust and knowing who she is.
- So how are you responding to this?
I feel some energy coming with you.
- That's been what we've said for three weeks.
It's like, "I really want to get to know gina to her core,"
And the crust, and all these things,
But I feel like he's not really initiating that either,
'cause he's never asked me any deep-ended questions.
And then, on the opposite end,
I'm not gonna, like, come out and just be like,
"hey, I want to sit down and talk about this
And tell you everything about me,"
'cause I'm not comfortable doing that quite yet
'cause I feel like we're still getting
To know one another, so...
- Tell clint what would be a good way
For you to feel good
About talking about something important.
- It's not that I'm opposed to talking about it,
But I feel like
It's just gonna take me some time to want to initiate.
So to hear, like, a soft story
Of "this is, like, what I did in my childhood,"
To me, that wasn't, or doesn't, feel like conversation
That would lead into deeper conversation.
- So if he asks something like,
"tell me about your relationship with your mother
When you were a young child." - yeah.
- So something very specific. - Yeah, I'm totally fine.
But, yeah, I think it would have to be specific
And initiated.
- I mean, if that's the way she communicates,
Like, ask me a question, set the precedent.
- But you could try and help her out here.
You could just say, ok. - I'll set the precedent.
That's ok.
- I mean, this is-- come on, guys.
I'm not asking you to do heart surgery here.
- That just doesn't feel organic to me.
It doesn't seem like--
'cause if she's not willing to just share that
And I have to elicit that out of her,
Then it just doesn't--
It feels like I'm doing a q&a session.
- She says she's very willing to do that.
She says she has a different style than you.
If you both stick to the styles that you like,
That won't find you love.
[tense music]
♪ ♪
[alexander d. Bachell's "hit the heights"]
- ♪ ooh, ooh ♪
♪ ♪
- ♪ ooh, ooh ♪
- Should we warm up first, ease into it with a question?
- Ok. First question:
"the moment in my life
When I felt the most amount of shame was..."
- So when my mom first noticed the burn on my arm,
I remember lying about it
And say that I burned myself with my straightener
And I was picking at it so much that it turned into a circle.
He burned me with a cigarette. - He burned you?
Jesus. Like, that's horrible. - He said,
"if you love me, you'll let me burn you with a cigarette."
I was like, "ok."
How--oh, my god, I'm gonna cry.
It's a constant-- - ok.
- She knew I was lying, but she didn't press the situation
Because she knew
She wasn't gonna get anything out of me at that point.
But I still think about that conversation.
Like, I know where I was standing,
Where she was standing, my exact words to her.
And she's gonna find out now.
And I'm not looking forward to that revelation,
But it's my truth.
And I still feel
A little bit of that shame when I talk about it,
So it definitely tops the list.
- I mean, for me, it's probably when I threw a party
At my place, when I moved to morris.
And my mom was
Innocently baking brownies and stuff for everybody.
And I had a bunch of people over.
And the cops came and threatened to throw her in jail
Because there was underage drinking happening at my place.
Nothing ended up happening.
They basically just let everybody go with the warning,
Told everybody leave, which still,
I don't think was very smart if people were drinking.
But my mom, luckily, is an amazing person
And moved on from it pretty quickly.
But it was one of those things, like, I learned from it
And didn't do it again.
- I'm sure it would've been harder to forget from jail.
But thankfully, it didn't... - Yeah.
Oh, for sure. - Get to that level.
Well, it seems we have another thing in common,
Where we deeply care about our moms
And don't want to disappoint them,
Not that that's super unique.
But it just shows how important our family is.
- Yeah.
You want to get the next one? - Yeah.
- Can you get it? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- You got it? - Yeah.
"what's your biggest insecurity, and why?"
- Yeah. I mean, I guess I'll go a little deep here,
But I guess one of my bigger insecurities
Is probably stuff with, like, relationships.
Like, not ours. Ours has been great.
But, like, past relationships have kind of made me insecure
In the fact that, am I a lovable person?
And am I worthy of love? - You are.
- In moments, like, I do feel I am definitely now,
But, like,
Why didn't anybody want to stay with me, you know?
- It makes me so sad to hear, but I want to stay with you.
And you are worthy of love.
And I totally understand the insecurities.
I mean, how could you not, when, you know,
You feel like you're giving so much
And not receiving it back? - Yeah.
- But you were just giving it to the wrong girls.
- Yeah.
- They weren't worthy of your love.
He is worthy. He is lovable.
His attention is more than enough.
I am very purposeful in what I say and how I say it,
So this way, he never has to feel that way again.
And he is worthy of love from anyone and everyone,
And especially me, because I'm his wife.
And I'm gonna make it my mission
To make him see how worthy he is
Because he is such a wonderful man.
- Yeah. - Thank you for sharing that.
- All right, next one.
"what worries you the most at the moment?"
- Uh...
I'm a little worried that we are in a little, happy bubble,
And one day, it's going to burst.
- Are you just afraid that you're gonna lose interest,
Or I'm gonna lose interest, or--
- Not even an interest thing.
It's more just I'm almost afraid
Of feeling as happy as I do.
There's part of me in my brain that's saying, like,
"you don't deserve to be this happy,"
Or, you know, "one day,
You're gonna do something that's gonna ruin it,"
And I don't know what that would be.
But I feel like when I do feel really happy,
That's when it's all taken away from me.
And I'm almost afraid
Of leaning into the happiness.
- Ok.
- It's just like, I'm projecting this idea
Based on nothing.
It's rooted in my past and not rooted
In anything that's currently happening.
- Yeah. - But I'm a little worried
That one day I'll just wake up and the bubble will be burst
And this little, happy life we're living
Won't be so happy anymore.
♪ ♪
- ♪ I used to drown myself in darkness ♪
♪ and that cold feeling ♪
♪ ♪
♪ they always said that I was born with the wrong rhythm ♪
♪ ♪
[knocks at door]
♪ ♪
- Hey, hey. - Hey.
- How are you? - Good.
How are you? - Good. Good, good, good.
- Good to see you again. - I know.
It's been a while.
- It's always a joy to see jasmine's mom.
And I would love to ask her for advice
On, you know, ways that I can, you know,
Draw like, deeper responses out of jasmine,
Or to get her, like, you know, more comfortable
In answering these questions and having these conversations
That, you know, she says she wants to have.
- So how's everything been going?
- Um, it's been going ok.
It's just a lot, you know? - Yeah.
So how do you feel about duchess?
- You know.
- I just found out about your shoe.
- Oh, yeah.
- [laughs] she rotten.
- I'm not gonna lie, like, I was mad.
- Uh-huh. - But I'm surprised
At how quickly I got over it.
- I'm glad that worked out
Because I knew how you felt about the dog.
- But it's one. I don't know about four.
[laughter]
- So, um, the relationship in general,
How are you feeling about that?
- Um, it's going ok.
It could be better.
I mean, I feel like that's marriage in general.
- Uh-huh. - You know, like,
You should always want it to be better.
- Like?
- You know, like, there's moments where I try--
Like, she told dr. Pepper that she wants to have
Quote-unquote "deeper conversations."
You know, and dr. Pepper gave us, like,
A whole bunch of questions to ask each other.
And like, I'll get deep, like, to my core,
Answering these questions.
It might be like, "what is your favorite color?"
I might be like, "man, blue is my favorite color,
"because when I was in second grade,
"I've seen the color blue.
"and every time I see blue,
"it takes me back to this moment.
And when I get sad, I just look at the color blue."
[pensive music]
And I'll be like, "ok, jasmine, what's your favorite color?"
[monotonously] "oh, it's pink."
But you said you wanted it deep.
- Yeah. - Like, you said to them--
I'm not taking words out of your mouth.
You said for you to feel better in this situation,
You need to have deep conversations.
And I'm, you know, so...
- Yeah, I get it.
And maybe you have to pull it out.
♪ ♪
- Is there, like, a way to pull certain things out of her?
- Most of the time, when you're feeling like
"you holding something back," nine times out of ten, she is.
- Mm-hmm.
- She's so used to helping everybody else
That she don't take herself under consideration.
And I'll tell her, "in order for you
"to teach someone how to make you happy,
You got to know what make you happy."
She also shared with me that you guys said
That y'all weren't gonna have sex till decision day.
When she shared that with me, I was just like,
"but what if tomorrow something happen?"
Like, something could happen in a split second,
Today, tomorrow. - Right.
- And because you haven't, you'll fight it.
And then, there, you have missed out on a opportunity,
Not that I'm trying to tell you to do--
- No, no. [laughter]
Me, I like, like, connections.
And a lot of times, those connections come from,
Like, a shared interest.
I'm trying to find, like, what we have in common.
Like, I'm posing these questions and trying to find,
Like, things that we share and similar lived experiences.
And it would be easier
If, like, these things that I'm searching for were in play,
You know, 'cause it would be, like, natural.
- I love the fact that airris is open.
I love the fact that he is communicating
So no one is unsure of how he feel.
We know how he feel.
Should she go deeper? Yes.
I think she's in her head.
And as a mother, it's very hard to see,
But I want it to work,
So I definitely will be praying for these two.
I think you overthink, and I think she overthinks.
And because both of you guys overthink,
I think that's a hindrance for both of y'all.
- Yeah.
- You got to get out your head. - Yeah.
- Get out of your comfort zone to get what you want.
That's called life and marriage.
It's work. - Yeah.
- Every day, you have to wake up saying,
"I want to be married.
What can I do to make it better?"
And every day, you gotta wake up
With the intention on fighting.
- I got you. - Yeah.
It's up to you two. It's what y'all want.
And what are you willing to sacrifice?
- ♪ oh, oh, oh ♪
- ♪ waiting, lying at home, but when you're staying ♪
♪ I'm thinking of you, what do I do? ♪
- Well, we've got a pretty big jar
Of fun stuff to work through. - Yeah.
- So-- - we'll let hank pick some out.
- Hank, do you want to eat half of these...
- Ready?
- I think that clint and I may be on different pages
When it comes to how vulnerable we've gotten.
And I think he's hopeful
And he wants to have those conversations,
But, I mean, there hasn't really been any time
That he's, like, tried to sit down
And dive deeper into conversation
Or ask me any type of questions that would lead
To, like, a deeper, vulnerable conversation.
- I like to go to the bottom...
- Ok. - To get the deep ones.
- Well, we're going through all of them, so...
- Yeah.
- But, I mean, at this rate, we are halfway through.
And I know that if clint and I are gonna continue to progress
And grow in any way, we definitely need a little help.
[pensive music]
- Oh, here's a good one.
"do you avoid asking for help?"
- 100%.
- Yeah? - Oh, yeah.
Delegation phobia is my number one toxic trait.
- Toxic? You think it's toxic? - Yes.
- Really? - For me, for sure. Yeah.
I grew up with a single mom,
So I was forced into independence
At a very young age... - Yeah.
- Probably, like, seven, feeling almost like a burden
If I was asking for help.
So now that I'm older, it's hard for me to ask.
- I'm very much the same way as very independent,
But I also know when to ask for help.
- Yeah.
- "the one thing that I probably need to let go of
From my childhood is..."
- I mean, at a certain point, I had to let go of feelings
Of, like, the fear of rejection,
Or abandonment, or feeling like you're enough.
But that just stemmed from, like,
Having my parents divorce at a really young age
And then having a dad that didn't really make an effort
To be around.
- Yeah.
Maybe not having that father figure there...
- Yeah. - I mean, that's tough.
And I kind of know what that is,
Not, like, full-time,
But for the majority of the week,
Like, my dad wasn't ever there.
My parents got married at a super young age.
Like, my dad graduated college.
My mom had me before she could graduate.
And then, my dad had to walk to work to do construction
To provide for a family.
Like, there's a lot of sacrifice they had to make
From, like, family time to be able to provide for us
Or, like, provide the life they wanted for us.
So, yeah, like, that has to be super impactful for you.
- Yeah. And growing up, it's like,
You're kind of encompassed in your life, right?
So I never really thought about that
Until I was, like, with other friends and their dads.
And I was like, oh, that kind of sucks.
Like, why isn't my dad wanting to make the effort?
- Yeah.
- It was just something I didn't even realize
Affected, like, more so, I think, relationships
'cause you have that feeling of like,
Well, if your dad isn't making an effort
And that's such an impactful person in your life,
Then why would, like, any other man to do that?
- Yeah.
So I've learned a ton tonight.
And it's very good context to, like,
Her entrepreneurial spirit and her independence
And how she gained that attribute about herself.
So it helps me kind of navigate later on,
Like, expectations or things I don't have to ask her later on
Because I know probably how she'll,
You know, react to certain situations
And how she'll be competent in situations
Because I have that as context.
Gina and I are getting all the way to that crust tonight.
"what's your biggest insecurity, and why?"
- My biggest insecurity.
Like, for me, I'm a workaholic,
But that stems from, like... - Yeah.
- Not feeling like I'm doing a good enough job.
- Yeah. - Or, like,
Financial stability, things like that,
I get insecure about that.
You see certain things and you're like, ok, well,
I'm definitely gonna aim for, like, financial stability
And success and all those things,
Regardless of what you come from.
- Yeah.
I'm more insecure about, like,
Just not fulfilling the things that I want in life.
I mean, I'm 40 years old.
You know, I'd like to have a family.
I want to have kids.
I want to eventually have kids. - Mm-hmm.
- And I still have a lot that I want to see.
- 40's still young.
I definitely enjoy being a salon mom.
And so, I think-- and a dog mom.
So I think I would be a good mom.
But it definitely depends on the person.
And so, I'm just thankful
For the fact that clint and I are on the same page.
And at the end of the day, we can relate in a sense
Of wanting the same things out of life.
"the thing I wanted to wait to tell you
Until we've been together longer is..."
- [sighs] this is hard to say.
I have legally changed hank's last name.
- No. - [laughs]
- I'm leaving.
Buddy, did you hear that?
- ♪ I wanna do whatever I wanna do ♪
♪ 'cause it feels good to be bad ♪
♪ ♪
- Hello, honey. - What's up?
- What are you doing over there?
- Setting up a little activity for us.
- A little activity? - A little activity.
- What kind of little activity are you setting up?
- Body paint.
- Oh, wow. We need some big paint brushes.
You're gonna have to dump all the paint on this body.
- I got a plan. - You have a plan?
- Mm-hmm. - Ok.
I'm gonna, um, change real fast.
- All right. - Ok.
- Kirsten wants us to be more intimate
And wanted me to take the lead things,
So tonight, I'm surprising my wife with a body paint party.
Ooh. Come on, body.
- Ok, honey. Are you ready to paint this body?
- I'ma put her to the test to see if she really up for it.
Do she trust me enough to make a masterpiece out of her body?
- Do you have, like, any type of direction?
- You'll see it when I'm done.
- Ok.
Let's see how this turns out.
- Just know I'm sensitive about my work.
- I'm sensitive about my body.
- Well, you gotta trust me with your body.
- This is a good start, right here.
Yeah, get into it. Get into it.
Oh, my goodness.
Ooh, that paint is cold!
You serious. You getting into this, huh?
[t. Kelley's "oceans"]
- ♪ we're slowly drifting into temptation ♪
♪ hold on ♪
- Ok. I like where we're going.
It's like a little ombre or something.
- Uh-uh. - Mm-hmm, I see the fade.
- Mm-hmm. - Ok.
- All right, let's see. - Lookin' good.
- So on the other side...
- ♪ this moment ♪
♪ don't it feel like we're floating on emotions ♪
♪ coasting ♪
♪ I'll dive in and stroke it, baby ♪
- I'm gonna be a work of art, darling.
- I'ma take a picture and put you on a canvas.
- ♪ like crashing waves ♪
- ♪ 'cause this love is deeper ♪
♪ than lakes and rivers ♪
- In the moment, I feel her energy.
She's letting me lead.
And it feels great, for once, to say like,
"all right. Do your thing, player."
♪ ♪
- I like watching you do this body art on me.
- ♪ the type of love that'll make an ocean cry ♪
- You look damn good. - Thanks to you.
Oh, I like how you put that behind your ear.
Let's see. Look at you.
My little artist.
I'm loving all the love from shaquille tonight.
Like, this has definitely been something
That I've been wanting, for, like, you know,
Just that time and that attention from him.
I love the quality time that I've been looking for.
Like, this is definitely spicing up our marriage.
- I want to try something. - Ok.
Getting a little wild and crazy in here.
- You trust me? - Yeah.
- You sure? - Yeah.
- You sure? - Uh-huh.
- You sure? - Mm-hmm.
- ♪ girl, won't you put it 'pon me? ♪
♪ you got me going crazy ♪
♪ girl, won't you put it 'pon me? ♪
♪ away, away ♪
♪ you got my heart locked up ♪
- Mmm. That was good.
- Was it good? - Mm-hmm.
- You want another one? - Mm-hmm.
- ♪ girl, won't you put it 'pon me?
♪ you got me going crazy ♪
♪ girl, won't you put it 'pon me?
[laughter] - a little body roll.
- A little body roll.
A little body, body, body, body, body.
- Body-ody-ody. - A little body roll.
- ♪ I want to turn it up ♪
♪ ♪
- Come on. Let's go get washed up.
- Yeah. - Sweet love.
- You know, consummating this marriage
Will definitely help the chemistry and intimacy grow
In a major way.
I don't know if it's gonna happen tonight.
Only shaquille and I will know about that.
♪ ♪
- ♪ I want to play it rough ♪
♪ I want to turn it up ♪
[kissing]
- Still to come this season on "married at first sight"...
- ♪ yeah, baby, I'm a rock star ♪
- Women are feeling it. I mean, he's looking sexy.
- Sometimes, you have to let me take control.
Kirsten and I have consummated our marriage.
- ♪ there's nothing better than us ♪
[cheering]
♪ for you, I put it all on the line ♪
♪ there's nothing better than us ♪
- Who knows? We might amazon a damn sex chair after all this.
- I might have one. - Damn, gina.
- So many things trending in the right direction.
- Do you love her? - I do love you.
- I love you too.
Aw.
- And as long as we continue this marriage,
You have to buy us a house.
- I have to buy it? - Mm-hmm.
[tense music]
- You don't want to dance with your wife.
Instead, you want to go dance with the instructor.
Emotionally, I just don't know what I have left to give.
I'm at my breaking point.
[sniffles]
- I didn't sign up for this journey
To be married to a friend.
I have lots of friends.
- Is there sadness coming up?
- I didn't realize I had so many issues.
- I don't want you to keep feeling like this.
- They saying you sliding in dms.
- Yeah, it was me. I slid in gina's dms.
Why do you want to marry this--
Stay married to this loser?
- If you're not interested, there's the door.
- We're in this together, shaquille.
- You are beautiful inside and out.
- ♪ you are my people ♪
♪ oh, this is my homeland ♪
♪ this is my family ♪
- The time has come.
Do you want to stay married?
- Or do you want to get a divorce?
- ♪ you are my people ♪
♪ you are my people ♪
♪ ♪