1 00:00:01,534 --> 00:00:02,736 ACCORDING TO 2 00:00:02,802 --> 00:00:04,070 A NEW SURVEY MORE AMERICANS PLAN TO BUY GIFTS FOR THEIR PETS THAN 3 00:00:04,137 --> 00:00:09,275 THEIR IN-LAWS. WHEN ASKED WHO WOULD BE ON THEIR SHOPPING LIFT, 4 00:00:09,342 --> 00:00:14,881 34% OF RESPONDENTS SAID MY DOG, 22% SAID MY CAT WHILE ONLY 19 5 00:00:14,948 --> 00:00:18,685 PERCENT SAID IN-LAWS. (TO THE TUNE OF "DECK THE 6 00:00:18,752 --> 00:00:33,633 HALLS") 7 00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:47,514 HALLS") 8 00:00:47,580 --> 00:00:49,616 >> Announcer: IT'S THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT! 9 00:00:49,682 --> 00:00:52,786 TONIGHT: WRONG DESANTIS! AND EMILY BLUNT TAKES THE 10 00:00:52,852 --> 00:00:58,224 COLBERT QUESTIONERT. PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES 11 00:00:58,291 --> 00:01:02,896 CHEF JOSEÉ ANDREÉS. WITH A SPECIAL APPEARANCE BY 12 00:01:02,962 --> 00:01:06,900 JEFF GOLDBLUM. FEATURING LOUIS CATO AND THE 13 00:01:06,966 --> 00:01:14,874 LATE SHOW BAND. AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE 14 00:01:14,941 --> 00:01:25,885 ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 15 00:01:25,952 --> 00:01:34,794 >> Stephen: HEY, RIGHT OVER THERE. 16 00:01:34,861 --> 00:01:40,533 SORRY. HELLO, HELLO, HELLO HELLO. 17 00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:42,168 HELLO. HAPPY WEDNESDAY. 18 00:01:42,235 --> 00:01:45,572 >> Stephen: WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW." 19 00:01:45,638 --> 00:01:50,910 I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. WE ARE ONE MONTH PAST THE 2022 20 00:01:50,977 --> 00:01:52,545 (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) WE ARE ONE MONTH PAST THE 2022 21 00:01:52,612 --> 00:01:58,785 ELECTION, WHICH MEANS WE ARE DEEP INTO THE 2024 ELECTION. 22 00:01:58,852 --> 00:02:03,223 WE'VE ALREADY GOT SO MANY FANTASTIC CANDIDATES FROM THE 23 00:02:03,289 --> 00:02:04,057 OLD GUY WITH RED TIE TO OLD GUY WITH 24 00:02:04,123 --> 00:02:06,659 LUE TIE. BUT THERE'S ONE LESS-OLD GUY 25 00:02:06,726 --> 00:02:10,797 MAKING A NAME FOR HIMSELF IN THE G.O.P.: FLORIDA GOVERNOR RON 26 00:02:10,864 --> 00:02:15,301 DESANTIS, SEEN HERE WITH, LET'S SAY, HIS MIAMI CAUGHT IN A VICE. 27 00:02:15,368 --> 00:02:18,905 A NEW "WALL STREET JOURNAL" POLL SAYS THAT, IN A HYPOTHETICAL 28 00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:22,976 G.O.P. PRIMARY MATCHUP, DESANTIS BEATS THE FORMER PRESIDENT 52 TO 29 00:02:23,042 --> 00:02:34,320 38%. YAY? 30 00:02:34,387 --> 00:02:35,688 ALSO BOO? HARD TO KNOW WHO TO ROOT FOR 31 00:02:35,755 --> 00:02:38,191 HERE. THAT'S LIKE A POLL BETWEEN 32 00:02:38,258 --> 00:02:45,798 GONORRHEA AND A SLIGHTLY MORE RACIST GONORRHEA. 33 00:02:45,865 --> 00:02:49,736 (APPLAUSE) , APOLOGIES TO GONORRHEA. 34 00:02:49,802 --> 00:02:52,438 THIS IS ALL BECAUSE, WHAT WITH THE INSURRECTIONS AND THE HITLER 35 00:02:52,505 --> 00:02:53,806 DINNERS, ONLY THE MOST CONSERVATIVE VOTERS ARE STILL 36 00:02:53,873 --> 00:02:57,076 BACKING THE EX-PRESIDENT. WHILE DESANTIS IS TROUNCING HIM 37 00:02:57,143 --> 00:03:00,313 WITH VOTERS WHO CONSIDER THEMSELVES ONLY "SOMEWHAT 38 00:03:00,380 --> 00:03:01,948 CONSERVATIVE." BASICALLY, THE FOLKS WHO DON'T 39 00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:05,785 SUPPORT GAY MARRIAGE, BUT THINK ANDY COHEN DOES A GREAT JOB 40 00:03:05,852 --> 00:03:09,789 HANDLING THOSE HOUSEWIVES. SO, TO TAKE FULL COMMAND OF THE 41 00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:13,760 G.O.P., ALL DESANTIS HAS TO DO IS REEL IN THE COVETED 42 00:03:13,826 --> 00:03:17,697 CONSERVATIVE DEMOGRAPHIC OF "ANGRY CONSPIRACY Q-ANON 43 00:03:17,764 --> 00:03:21,801 ALL-MEAT DIET TAN-YOUR-TESTICLE BOYS." 44 00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:25,705 AND HIS OPENING OFFER TO THEM IS CALLING FOR A GRAND JURY 45 00:03:25,772 --> 00:03:37,717 INVESTIGATION OF COVID VACCINES. YOU STUPID MOTHER-PFIZER! 46 00:03:37,784 --> 00:03:45,792 YOU WANT AN INVESTIGATION, LET ME SAVE YOU SOME TIME AND MONEY. 47 00:03:45,858 --> 00:03:48,227 IN THE U.S. ALONE, THE COVID VACCINES HAVE SAVED MORE THAN 48 00:03:48,294 --> 00:03:49,729 THREE MILLION LIVES AND HELPED PREVENT 18.5 MILLION 49 00:03:49,796 --> 00:03:57,103 HOSPITALIZATIONS. AND IF THAT'S NOT ENOUGH, 50 00:03:57,170 --> 00:04:00,873 AND BECAUSE IDIOTS IN YOUR PARTY POLITICIZED THE VACCINE, 51 00:04:00,940 --> 00:04:04,644 ALMOST TWICE AS MANY REPUBLICANS DIED FROM COVID BEFORE THE 52 00:04:04,711 --> 00:04:07,714 MIDTERMS THAN DEMOCRATS. Y'ALL KILLED YOUR VOTERS! 53 00:04:07,780 --> 00:04:12,452 IT'S THE STUPIDEST POLITICAL STRATEGY SINCE THE WHIGS' SLOGAN 54 00:04:12,518 --> 00:04:17,790 OF 1840: "TIPPECANOE AND TAUNT A GRIZZLY." 55 00:04:17,857 --> 00:04:21,794 STILL, DESANTIS IS PUSHING AHEAD ON THIS NONSENSE, BUT SINCE A 56 00:04:21,861 --> 00:04:24,597 GOVERNOR DOESN'T HAVE THE POWER TO IMPANEL A GRAND JURY, HE'S 57 00:04:24,664 --> 00:04:27,233 TRYING TO GET HELP FROM THE FLORIDA SUPREME COURT. 58 00:04:27,300 --> 00:04:31,704 WHICH OF COURSE IS MADE UP OF A GATOR ON A JET-SKI, A LEATHERY 59 00:04:31,771 --> 00:04:33,806 DUDE WHO GIVES BACHELORETTE BOAT TOURS, AND A CAN OF FOUR LOKO 60 00:04:33,873 --> 00:04:47,453 WITH A D.U.I. THAT DUDE LOOKS PRETTY GOOD. 61 00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:50,056 WELL, IF DESANTIS IS GOING FULL CONSPIRACY AND ATTACKING ANYONE 62 00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:52,625 WHO PROMOTED THE VACCINE, I JUST HOPE HE CRACKS DOWN ON WHOEVER 63 00:04:52,692 --> 00:04:54,093 THIS GUY IS: >> WE KNOW THAT THERE IS NO TIME 64 00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:56,195 TO WASTE WHEN IT COMES TO GETTING SHOTS IN ARMS. 65 00:04:56,262 --> 00:04:57,797 THEY'RE SAFE, THEY'RE EFFECTIVE VACCINES. 66 00:04:57,864 --> 00:05:01,734 THE MESSAGING SHOULD BE GET A VACCINE BECAUSE IT'S GOOD FOR 67 00:05:01,801 --> 00:05:05,772 YOU TO DO IT. IT WORKS. 68 00:05:05,838 --> 00:05:07,306 THE VACCINES PROTECT YOU. GET VACCINATED AND THEN LIVE 69 00:05:07,373 --> 00:05:09,809 YOUR LIFE AS IF YOU'RE PROTECTED. 70 00:05:09,876 --> 00:05:14,180 THESE VACCINES ARE SAVING LIVES. THEY ARE REDUCING MORTALITY. 71 00:05:14,247 --> 00:05:19,719 THESE VACCINES MAKE IT SO YOUR CHANCE OF SURVIVAL IS PRETTY 72 00:05:19,786 --> 00:05:22,922 DOGGONE CLOSE TO 100%. >> Stephen: OKAY, THAT'S 73 00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:25,725 EVIDENCE IT CAUSES GENETIC SIDE EFFECTS RIGHT THERE. 74 00:05:25,792 --> 00:05:29,796 BECAUSE THIS GUY USED TO PROMOTE THE VACCINE, BUT ONCE HE GOT IT, 75 00:05:29,862 --> 00:05:44,744 TURNED INTO A HUGE DICK BAG. SPEAKING OF DICK BAGS, TWITTER 76 00:05:44,811 --> 00:05:46,979 TURNED INTO A HUGE DICK BAG. SPEAKING OF DICK BAGS, TWITTER 77 00:05:47,046 --> 00:05:47,980 C.E.O. ELON MUSK, SEEN HERE COSPLAYING 78 00:05:48,047 --> 00:05:49,716 AT LOBSTERFEST. MUSK GOT SOME BAD NEWS THIS WEEK 79 00:05:49,782 --> 00:05:51,718 BECAUSE ACCORDING TO BOTH FORBES AND BLOOMBERG, ELON MUSK IS NO 80 00:05:51,784 --> 00:05:54,954 LONGER THE WORLD'S RICHEST PERSON. 81 00:05:55,021 --> 00:05:57,790 DON'T WORRY, ELON. YOU STILL HAVE YOUR SPARKLING 82 00:05:57,857 --> 00:06:01,728 WIT AND PERSONALITY. HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED: MOST OF 83 00:06:01,794 --> 00:06:05,798 MUSKS FORTUNE COMES FROM TESLA, BUT IN THE LAST YEAR, TESLA 84 00:06:05,865 --> 00:06:09,802 STOCK HAS LOST ABOUT 50% OF ITS VALUE, IN PART BECAUSE MUSK'S 85 00:06:09,869 --> 00:06:13,706 TWITTER POLITICS ARE ADDING PRESSURE ON TESLA'S BRAND IMAGE. 86 00:06:13,773 --> 00:06:17,777 AND IT DOESN'T HELP THAT THE NEW MODEL X COMES PRE-LOADED WITH 87 00:06:17,844 --> 00:06:19,979 KANYE'S TWEETS. LIBERALS IN PARTICULAR ARE 88 00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:25,585 HAVING A TOUGH TIME WITH TESLA. TAKE A LOOK AT THIS GRAPH OF 89 00:06:25,651 --> 00:06:29,455 TESLA'S FAVORABILITY AMONG DEMOCRATS: IT'S FINE UNTIL 90 00:06:29,522 --> 00:06:33,659 OCTOBER WHEN HE BUYS TWITTER AND WEEEE! 91 00:06:33,726 --> 00:06:37,730 USUALLY FOR TESLA TO PLUNGE OFF A CLIFF LIKE THAT IT HAS TO BE 92 00:06:37,797 --> 00:06:45,371 IN SELF-DRIVING MODE. -- YOU CAN COVER THAT, RIGHT? 93 00:06:45,438 --> 00:06:48,708 OH YEAH, YOU GOT FLA, YOU GOT THAT BABY. 94 00:06:48,775 --> 00:06:50,109 NOT A GREAT BUSINESS STRATEGY TO ALIENATE YOUR BEST CUSTOMERS. 95 00:06:50,176 --> 00:06:53,813 LIBERALS BUY MORE ELECTRIC CARS. THAT'D BE LIKE IF HOOTERS CAME 96 00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:57,150 OUT WITH A STATEMENT SAYING THEY'D SERVE ANYONE EXCEPT 97 00:06:57,216 --> 00:07:05,591 DIVORCED DADS ON THEIR FIRST CHRISTMAS WITHOUT THE KIDS. 98 00:07:05,658 --> 00:07:07,193 AND WHO TOOK ELON'S PLACE? THE NEW WORLD'S RICHEST MAN IS 99 00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:09,796 FRENCH LUXURY FASHION MAGNATE AND KEEBLER ELF ABOUT TO EAT 100 00:07:09,862 --> 00:07:12,431 THAT OTHER KEEBLER ELF, BERNARD ARNAULT. 101 00:07:12,498 --> 00:07:16,269 AS IN: (FRENCH ACCENT) 102 00:07:16,335 --> 00:07:19,138 "ELON, YOU ARNAULT-LONGER THE WORLD'S RICHEST MAN." 103 00:07:19,205 --> 00:07:21,474 BUT AS BAD AS THINGS ARE FOR TESLA, THEY'RE WORSE FOR 104 00:07:21,541 --> 00:07:25,745 TWITTER. IN FACT, TO CUT COSTS, TWITTER 105 00:07:25,812 --> 00:07:29,348 HAS NOT PAID RENT FOR ANY OF ITS GLOBAL OFFICES FOR WEEKS. 106 00:07:29,415 --> 00:07:31,751 THAT'S NOT COST-CUTTING. THAT'S BEING A DEADBEAT. 107 00:07:31,818 --> 00:07:34,020 "LOOK, WE'RE FACING ECONOMIC HEADWINDS, SO WHEN THE WAITER 108 00:07:34,086 --> 00:07:43,095 BRINGS THE CHECK, HAUL ASS!" (APPLAUSE) 109 00:07:43,162 --> 00:07:49,135 SDZ THANK YOU, THANK YOU. MUSK ISN'T JUST SKIPPING OUT ON 110 00:07:49,202 --> 00:07:53,005 THE RENT. TWITTER HAS ALSO REFUSED TO PAY 111 00:07:53,072 --> 00:07:55,741 AN ALMOST $200,000 BILL FOR PRIVATE CHARTER FLIGHTS MADE THE 112 00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:58,177 WEEK OF HIS TAKEOVER. WELL, YOU'VE GOT TO FLY PRIVATE. 113 00:07:58,244 --> 00:08:01,747 I MEAN, DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH COMMERCIAL AIRLINES CHARGE 114 00:08:01,814 --> 00:08:05,785 TO CHECK YOUR SINK? BUT MUSK HAS A PLAN TO MAKE 115 00:08:05,852 --> 00:08:09,555 MONEY-- HE'S GOING TO START CHARGING TO GET VERIFIED, IT'S A 116 00:08:09,622 --> 00:08:12,825 SERVICE CALLED "TWITTER BLUE." THE WHOLE FUTURE OF THE COMPANY 117 00:08:12,892 --> 00:08:14,293 IS RIDING ON IT, SO MONDAY, HE INTRODUCED THIS AMAZING NEW 118 00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:19,665 LOGO: OKAY. 119 00:08:19,732 --> 00:08:24,971 THAT'S EITHER THE NEW LOGO, OR A CLOSE-UP A 1974 CHEVY VAN. 120 00:08:25,037 --> 00:08:29,809 IF THIS VAN'S A ROCKIN', DON'T COME A-KNOCKIN'. 121 00:08:29,876 --> 00:08:33,045 'CUZ THERE'S NAZIS IN THERE. TWITTER'S NOT THE ONLY SOCIAL 122 00:08:33,112 --> 00:08:34,847 MEDIA APP IN TROUBLE. BECAUSE YESTERDAY, U.S. 123 00:08:34,914 --> 00:08:37,750 LAWMAKERS INTRODUCED A BILL TO BAN TIKTOK. 124 00:08:37,817 --> 00:08:41,787 THE PUSH IS BEING LED BY FLORIDA SENATOR AND BABY SEEING A BRIGHT 125 00:08:41,854 --> 00:08:45,791 COLOR, MARCO RUBIO. RUBIO'S BILL WOULD BAN SOCIAL 126 00:08:45,858 --> 00:08:49,695 MEDIA APPS WITH AT LEAST ONE MILLION USERS THAT ARE 127 00:08:49,762 --> 00:08:52,331 BASED IN, OR UNDER THE "SUBSTANTIAL INFLUENCE" OF 128 00:08:52,398 --> 00:08:53,799 FOREIGN ADVERSARIES, INCLUDING CHINA, RUSSIA, IRAN, AND NORTH 129 00:08:53,866 --> 00:08:57,403 KOREA. WHICH ALSO MEANS AMERICANS WOULD 130 00:08:57,470 --> 00:09:01,741 NO LONGER BE ABLE TO USE NORTH KOREA'S PREMIERE SOCIAL MEDIA 131 00:09:01,807 --> 00:09:13,753 SITE: "LINKED-UN." (APPLAUSE) 132 00:09:13,819 --> 00:09:17,790 2022 IS WINDING DOWN, WHICH MEANS WE GET TO BURN SOME TAPE 133 00:09:17,857 --> 00:09:21,794 WITH A FUN, END-OF-YEAR ROUNDUP! TODAY, WE GOT THE 10 ODDEST 134 00:09:21,861 --> 00:09:25,331 GUINNESS WORLD RECORDS OF THE YEAR. 135 00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:29,735 WE GOT SOME GOOD ODD ONES, ALL OF WHICH I PROMISE ARE REAL. 136 00:09:29,802 --> 00:09:33,239 FIRST UP: THERE'S A NEW WORLD RECORD FOR "FASTEST TIME 137 00:09:33,306 --> 00:09:36,842 TO FIND AND ALPHABETIZE THE LETTERS IN A CAN OF ALPHABET 138 00:09:36,909 --> 00:09:40,713 SOUP:" JACOB CHANDLER OF OREGON, WHO 139 00:09:40,780 --> 00:09:43,749 ALPHABETIZED ALL THE LETTERS IN ONLY TWO MINUTES AND 8.6 140 00:09:43,816 --> 00:09:46,419 SECONDS. BIG DEAL. 141 00:09:46,485 --> 00:09:51,424 I DID IT EVEN FASTER WITH SPAGHETTIOS. 142 00:09:51,490 --> 00:09:53,793 ANOTHER BIG WINNER THIS YEAR: AT AN EVENT IN OCTOBER, "JAPAN'S 143 00:09:53,859 --> 00:10:00,633 SAME NAME ASSOCIATION OF HIROKAZU TANAKAS," FOUNDED BY 144 00:10:00,700 --> 00:10:02,368 HIROKAZU TANAKA, TOOK THE RECORD FOR "LARGEST GATHERING OF PEOPLE 145 00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:05,805 WITH THE SAME FIRST AND LAST NAME." 146 00:10:05,871 --> 00:10:09,508 THAT NAME? HAROLD PETERSON. 147 00:10:09,575 --> 00:10:12,111 NOW, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING: STEVE, THESE RECORDS 148 00:10:12,178 --> 00:10:13,779 ARE GREAT, BUT IT SEEMS LIKE NONE OF THEM HAVE TO DO WITH 149 00:10:13,846 --> 00:10:18,985 BALANCING EGGS ON THE BACK OF YOUR HAND. 150 00:10:19,051 --> 00:10:21,787 WELL, SHUT UP, BECAUSE WE ALSO HAVE A NEW RECORD HOLDER FOR 151 00:10:21,854 --> 00:10:27,059 "MOST EGGS BALANCED ON THE BACK OF THE HAND." 152 00:10:27,126 --> 00:10:29,996 IT'S IBRAHEEM SADEQ OF IRAQ, WHO MANAGED TO BALANCE 18 EGGS. 153 00:10:30,062 --> 00:10:44,944 LET'S SEE HIM IN ACTION: ♪ 154 00:10:45,011 --> 00:10:46,278 LET'S SEE HIM IN ACTION: ♪ 155 00:10:46,345 --> 00:10:49,949 (APPLAUSE). >> Stephen: COME ON. 156 00:10:50,016 --> 00:10:51,250 AMAZING. AMAZING. 157 00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:54,520 THAT'S A MOVE THEY CALL "GUY AT THE GROCERY STORE WHO 158 00:10:54,587 --> 00:10:56,689 WON'T GET A BASKET BECAUSE HE'S ONLY GETTING A FEW EGGS." 159 00:10:56,756 --> 00:11:00,626 ONE RECORD THAT WAS ABSOLUTELY SHATTERED IN "MOST DRINK CANS 160 00:11:00,693 --> 00:11:04,463 PLACED ON HEAD USING AIR SUCTION," WHICH WENT TO JAMIE 161 00:11:04,530 --> 00:11:10,403 KEETON OF WISCONSIN. HERE HE IS: 162 00:11:10,469 --> 00:11:14,440 HE ALSO SET THE RECORD FOR "WORLD'S MOST UNCLE!" 163 00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:16,709 ALL IN, KEETON GOT TEN CANS TO STICK TO HIS HEAD AND FACE, 164 00:11:16,776 --> 00:11:20,679 WHICH IS A LOT, BUT I HAVE ONE QUIBBLE WITH JAMIE: WHY DID YOU 165 00:11:20,746 --> 00:11:24,650 KEEP THE GOATEE? THAT'S VITAL CAN-STICKING REAL 166 00:11:24,717 --> 00:11:27,853 ESTATE! FORGET A SOUL PATCH, YOU COULD 167 00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:30,656 HAVE A TIN CHIN! WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU 168 00:11:30,723 --> 00:11:34,627 TONIGHT! MY GUESTS ARE EMILY BLUNT AND 169 00:11:34,693 --> 00:11:36,629 CHEF JOSEÉ ANDREÉS. BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, 170 00:11:36,695 --> 00:11:44,770 MEANWHILE! JOIN US, WON'T YOU? 171 00:12:13,032 --> 00:12:16,735 >> Stephen: GIVE IT UP FOR THE BAND, EVERYBODY. 172 00:12:16,802 --> 00:12:20,773 LOUIS CATO AND THE LATE SHOW BAND. 173 00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:26,312 LOUIS, LOUIS, FOR THE PEOPLE WATCHING AT HOME, WHO ARE WE 174 00:12:26,378 --> 00:12:29,849 DELIGHTED TO HAVE WITH US. >> WE HAVE THE HONOR OF 175 00:12:29,915 --> 00:12:36,522 WELCOMING THE ONE, ONLY, GRAMMY RECORDING ARTIST LALA HATHAWAY. 176 00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:40,593 >> Stephen: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE. 177 00:12:40,659 --> 00:12:43,062 (APPLAUSE) AND I WILL COUNTER THAT WITH 178 00:12:43,129 --> 00:12:46,499 WE'VE GOT THE LOVELY, THE TALENTED EMILY BLUNT IS GOING TO 179 00:12:46,565 --> 00:12:49,568 DO THE COLBERT QUESTIONERT TONIGHT. 180 00:12:49,635 --> 00:12:53,072 MARY POPPINS HERSELF. AND OUR FRIEND AND YOURS, THE 181 00:12:53,139 --> 00:12:58,744 WONDERFUL JOSE ANDRES IS GOING TO BE OUT HERE IN JUST A LITTLE 182 00:12:58,811 --> 00:13:03,549 WHILE WITH HIS THREE DAUGHTERS, WITH HIS THREE DAUGHTERS TO GIVE 183 00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:06,152 US SOME LITTLE COOKING. THEY HAVE A COOKING SHOW NOW 184 00:13:06,218 --> 00:13:09,788 ABOUT THEIR TRIP TO SPAIN. AND AS LONG AS WE ARE TALKING 185 00:13:09,855 --> 00:13:12,725 ABOUT JOSE HERE. JOSE IS ONE OF THE FOUNDERS OF 186 00:13:12,791 --> 00:13:17,196 WORLD CENTRAL KITCHEN WHICH HELPS PEOPLE ALL AROUND THE 187 00:13:17,263 --> 00:13:18,264 WORLD. HAS DELIVERED HUNDREDS OF 188 00:13:18,330 --> 00:13:20,366 MILLIONS OF MEALS. AND RIGHT NOW THEY'RE CONTINUING 189 00:13:20,432 --> 00:13:23,636 TO WORK SO HARD O FEED THE PEOPLE WHO ARE DISPLACED IN THE 190 00:13:23,702 --> 00:13:25,871 UKRAINE. AND WE HAVE LAUNCHED A CHARITY 191 00:13:25,938 --> 00:13:29,208 EFFORT HERE ON THE SHOW. YOU CAN GO GET ONE OF THE LATE 192 00:13:29,275 --> 00:13:36,549 SHOW T-SHIRTS. IT IS, IS POTATOE AND ALSO A 193 00:13:36,615 --> 00:13:40,953 SAME LATE SHOW MUG RIGHT THERE, AND IT SAYS IS POTATOE, RIGHT 194 00:13:41,020 --> 00:13:43,589 THERE ON THE MUG. GO GET THESE. 195 00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:47,193 DO WE HAVE THE DWRKS R CODE? WRITE THERE, YOU CAN HIT THAT QR 196 00:13:47,259 --> 00:13:49,228 CODE RIGHT THERE, IT WILL TAKE YOU TO THE WEBSITE. 197 00:13:49,295 --> 00:13:55,100 ALL OF THE LATE SHOW'S PROCEEDS WILL GO TO WORLD CENTRAL KITCHEN 198 00:13:55,167 --> 00:14:00,472 SUPPORTING THEIR MISSION IN UKRAINE AND AROUND THE WORLD. 199 00:14:00,539 --> 00:14:02,508 TOTALLY WORTHWHILE. RIGHT THERE. 200 00:14:02,575 --> 00:14:08,581 PLUS A REALLY GOOD LOOKING PICTURE OF A POTATOE. 201 00:14:08,647 --> 00:14:11,183 >> Stephen: FOLKS, I SPEND MOST OF MY TIME, CASTING THE DAY'S 202 00:14:11,250 --> 00:14:13,219 MOST STRIKING STORY MODELS, LIGHTING THE HIGHEST, SHARPEST 203 00:14:13,285 --> 00:14:19,725 TOPICAL CHEEKBONES UNDER A PRO-FOTO 2-D4 FLASH HEAD, AND A 204 00:14:19,792 --> 00:14:21,727 PHOTEK SOFTLIGHTER II UMBRELLA BEFORE AN OLIPHANT TERRACOTTA 205 00:14:21,794 --> 00:14:27,299 BACKDROP AND CAPTURING THEM WITH A MAMIYA RZ-67 TO CREATE FOR YOU 206 00:14:27,366 --> 00:14:29,201 THE PENETRATING YET POIGNANT ANNIE LEIBOVITZ PORTRAIT THAT IS 207 00:14:29,268 --> 00:14:33,272 MY MONOLOGUE. BUT SOMETIMES, I BREAK INTO A 208 00:14:33,339 --> 00:14:35,374 PETTING ZOO IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, FEED THE ANIMALS A 209 00:14:35,441 --> 00:14:39,545 COCKTAIL OF ADDERALL, BENADRYL, AND MOUNTAIN DEW CODE RED THEN 210 00:14:39,612 --> 00:14:41,981 STARTLE A GOAT JUST AS I SNAP THE SHUTTER TO CREATE THE 211 00:14:42,047 --> 00:14:45,217 BARNYARD MUGSHOT OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT: 212 00:14:45,284 --> 00:14:53,192 >> MEANWHILE! (APPLAUSE) 213 00:14:53,259 --> 00:14:57,596 SDZ THAT IS HYDROGEN IN MY BALLOON. 214 00:14:57,663 --> 00:15:02,968 >> Stephen: MEANWHILE, HERE'S THE LATEST FROM K-POP SUPERGROUP 215 00:15:03,035 --> 00:15:04,436 BTS: JIN, THE ELDEST MEMBER, HAS ENLISTED IN THE SOUTH KOREAN 216 00:15:04,503 --> 00:15:07,339 ARMY. BECAUSE KOREAN MEN ARE REQUIRED 217 00:15:07,406 --> 00:15:11,176 TO ENLIST IN THE MILITARY BY AGE 28. 218 00:15:11,243 --> 00:15:13,579 IN AMERICA, BY THE AGE OF 28, ALL MEN MUST JOIN AN IMPROV 219 00:15:13,646 --> 00:15:21,020 GROUP AND GET INTO HOME BREWING. MEANWHILE, THERE'S BIG NEWS FROM 220 00:15:21,086 --> 00:15:23,188 THE WORLD OF WORDS, BECAUSE DICTIONARY.COM'S WORD OF THE 221 00:15:23,255 --> 00:15:29,662 YEAR IS 'WOMAN.' (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE). 222 00:15:29,728 --> 00:15:31,563 >> Stephen: OKAY. REALLY? 223 00:15:31,630 --> 00:15:35,200 THE WORD OF THE YEAR DESCRIBES HALF OF THE WORLD'S POPULATION? 224 00:15:35,267 --> 00:15:38,370 WHICH YEAR ARE WE TALKING HERE? 1? 225 00:15:38,437 --> 00:15:44,710 (AS CAVEMAN) "GARG, I MET SOMEONE DIFFERENT. 226 00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:47,212 THEY ARE LIKE MAN, BUT WOAH!" ACCORDING TO DICTIONARY.COM, 227 00:15:47,279 --> 00:15:49,682 WOMEN ARE OFFICIALLY IN THE ZEITGEST BECAUSE OF MAJOR 228 00:15:49,748 --> 00:15:53,185 STORIES LIKE THE SUPREME COURT'S OVERTURNING OF ROE V. WADE, THE 229 00:15:53,252 --> 00:15:56,221 IRAN PROTESTS, AND THE DEATH OF QUEEN ELIZABETH II. 230 00:15:56,288 --> 00:15:59,191 RIGHT. BECAUSE WHEN QUEEN ELIZABETH 231 00:15:59,258 --> 00:16:05,197 DIED WE WERE DEFINITELY GOOGLING THE WORD WOMAN AND NOT "CORGIES, 232 00:16:05,264 --> 00:16:17,209 EUTHANIZED, QUESTION MARK?" I'M NOT SAYING I WOULD DO IT, 233 00:16:17,276 --> 00:16:19,211 JUST CURIOUS. MEANWHILE, SCIENTISTS HAVE 234 00:16:19,278 --> 00:16:21,313 UNCOVERED THE OLDEST KNOWN NARRATIVE PIECE OF ART. 235 00:16:21,380 --> 00:16:25,017 IT'S AN 11,000-YEAR-OLD CARVING IN TURKEY THAT FEATURES A MAN 236 00:16:25,084 --> 00:16:29,188 HOLDING HIS PHALLUS AS LEOPARDS CORNER HIM. 237 00:16:29,254 --> 00:16:33,559 IT'S A TALE OLD AS TIME. ANYONE WHO'S EVER HAD A LEOPARD 238 00:16:33,625 --> 00:16:37,229 SAFETY COURSE KNOWS... IF YOU'RE EVER NAKED AND 239 00:16:37,296 --> 00:16:48,774 ENCOUNTER A LEOPARD, HOLD YOUR JUNK. 240 00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:53,178 THAT'S A CHEETAH, I THINK THAT WAS A CHEETAH. 241 00:16:53,245 --> 00:16:56,882 MEANWHILE, "SCIENTISTS HAVE DESIGNED A 'VAGINA ON A CHIP'." 242 00:16:56,949 --> 00:17:06,592 GREAT, ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE WEIRD CANADIAN FLAVORS. 243 00:17:06,658 --> 00:17:09,128 FIRST KETCHUP, NOW THIS. HOPEFULLY, THE VAGINA CHIP WILL 244 00:17:09,194 --> 00:17:10,229 BE MORE SUCCESSFUL THAN THE LAST GENITAL THEMED SNACK: 245 00:17:10,295 --> 00:17:15,901 PRETZ-TICLES. AND I'M BEING INFORMED THAT 246 00:17:15,968 --> 00:17:20,873 THESE CHIPS ARE NOT FOR SNACKING, BUT TISSUE GROWN ON 247 00:17:20,939 --> 00:17:25,210 SILICONE TO SIMULATE THE VAGINAL MICROBIOME FOR RESEARCH. 248 00:17:25,277 --> 00:17:29,014 AND HARVARD'S DR. DONALD INGBER IS VERY CONFIDENT ABOUT THE 249 00:17:29,081 --> 00:17:33,218 QUALITY OF HIS SIMULATION, BOASTING, "THIS WALKS, TALKS, 250 00:17:33,285 --> 00:17:40,959 AND QUACKS LIKE A HUMAN VAGINA." (LAUGHTER) 251 00:17:41,026 --> 00:17:43,595 NOW HERE'S THE THING, NOW, I DIDN'T GO TO HARVARD, BUT 252 00:17:43,662 --> 00:17:45,230 I'M GONNA SAY THIS GUY IS NOT THAT FAMILIAR WITH A HUMAN 253 00:17:45,297 --> 00:17:49,234 VAGINA. LET ME ASK YOU, DOC. 254 00:17:49,301 --> 00:17:52,905 THESE VAGINAS, THAT YOU "KNOW ABOUT", DO THEY LIKE BREAD 255 00:17:52,971 --> 00:18:01,146 CRUMBS AND FLY SOUTH FOR THE WINTER? 256 00:18:01,213 --> 00:18:05,184 MEANWHILE, IT WAS ANNOUNCED TODAY THAT AFTER DECADES OF 257 00:18:05,250 --> 00:18:09,154 THINKING OTHERWISE, SURPRISE! SNAKES HAVE CLITORISES. 258 00:18:09,221 --> 00:18:21,233 REACHED FOR COMMENT, FEMALE SNAKES SAID, "YESSSSSSSSSS." 259 00:18:21,300 --> 00:18:28,073 RESEARCHERS THOUGHT THE ORGAN DIDN'T EXIST, IN FACT, CBS NEWS 260 00:18:28,140 --> 00:18:29,274 REPORTS IT TOOK MORE THAN A CENTURY, BUT SCIENTISTS FINALLY 261 00:18:29,341 --> 00:18:44,223 FOUND IT. THAT'S A LONG TIME COMING. 262 00:18:44,289 --> 00:18:47,059 FOUND IT. THAT'S A LONG TIME COMING. 263 00:18:47,125 --> 00:18:49,228 OR NOT, IF YOU'RE A FEMALE SNAKE. 264 00:18:49,294 --> 00:18:53,198 AND THE NEWS IS EXTRA EXCITING BECAUSE IT TURNS OUT SNAKES HAVE 265 00:18:53,265 --> 00:18:57,236 TWO INDIVIDUAL CLITORISES-- HEMICLITORES-- SEPARATED BY 266 00:18:57,302 --> 00:19:01,240 TISSUE AND HIDDEN BY SKIN ON THE UNDERSIDE OF THE TAIL. 267 00:19:01,306 --> 00:19:04,910 SO SNAKES WENT FROM HAVING NO CLITORIS TO HAVING TWO? 268 00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:07,546 BONUS! THAT'S LIKE REACHING INTO THE 269 00:19:07,613 --> 00:19:09,214 POCKET OF A JACKET YOU HAVEN'T WORN IN A WHILE AND FINDING TWO 270 00:19:09,281 --> 00:19:13,218 CLITORISES. WHEN WE COME BACK, I DEBUT THE 271 00:19:13,285 --> 00:19:16,755 NEWEST CELEBRITY CHRISTMAS ALBUM. 272 00:19:16,822 --> 00:19:19,358 STICK AROUND. 273 00:19:44,249 --> 00:19:50,188 >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK. LOUIS, BEFORE I FORGET, I WANT 274 00:19:50,255 --> 00:19:52,291 TO LET EVERYBODY KNOW THAT TOMORROW NIGHT YOU AND THE BAND 275 00:19:52,357 --> 00:19:54,693 ARE DOING A SPECIAL PERFORMANCE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING TOMORROW 276 00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:56,194 NIGHT. >> WE'RE DOINGS OUR OWN 277 00:19:56,261 --> 00:20:01,767 ARRANGEMENT OF STEVIE WONDERS, SOME DAY AT CHRISTMAS. 278 00:20:01,833 --> 00:20:04,202 >> Stephen: CHECK THAT OUT TOMORROW NIGHT. 279 00:20:04,269 --> 00:20:06,405 BECAUSE HERE'S THE THING, CHRISTMAS IS ALMOST HERE: THE 280 00:20:06,471 --> 00:20:10,509 BELLS ARE JINGLING, THE EGGS ARE NOGGING, CHRISTMAS MUSIC IS BACK 281 00:20:10,576 --> 00:20:13,645 IN ROTATION. AND THERE IS A CAROL FOR 282 00:20:13,712 --> 00:20:16,548 EVERYONE, WHETHER YOU LIKE TENDER BALLADS ABOUT THE ARRIVAL 283 00:20:16,615 --> 00:20:18,617 OF OUR LORD AND SAVIOR, OR TOE-TAPPIN' CHRISTMAS DITTIES 284 00:20:18,684 --> 00:20:22,554 ABOUT KIDS BEGGING SANTA FOR TEETH. 285 00:20:22,621 --> 00:20:26,592 AND THIS YEAR ALONE, THERE ARE NEW HOLIDAY ALBUMS FROM ALICIA 286 00:20:26,658 --> 00:20:28,560 KEYS, JOSS STONE, GLORIA ESTEFAN, ANDREA BOCELLI, CHRIS 287 00:20:28,627 --> 00:20:33,265 ISAAK AND DOZENS OF OTHERS. BUT I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE 288 00:20:33,332 --> 00:20:35,133 THINKING: STEVE, WHEN ARE WE GONNA GET A HOLIDAY ALBUM FROM 289 00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:37,936 THE ONE ARTIST MOST CLOSELY ASSOCIATED WITH THE CHRISTMAS 290 00:20:38,003 --> 00:20:39,771 SEASON? STAR OF "JURASSIC PARK" AND "THE 291 00:20:39,838 --> 00:20:40,772 FLY," JEFF GOLDBLUM. WELL, THE WAIT IS OVER. 292 00:20:40,839 --> 00:20:50,816 LET THE GOLD-BLUM. >> THERE ARE TWO THINGS THAT 293 00:20:50,882 --> 00:20:55,320 MAKE EVERYBODY HAPPY, CHRISTMAS MUSIC AND JEFF GOLDBLUM. 294 00:20:55,387 --> 00:20:58,557 >> HI, JEFF GOLDBLUM HERE, MERRY CHRISTMAS. 295 00:20:58,624 --> 00:21:02,260 >> STAY MERRY GOLDBLUM CHRISTMAS FEATURING HOLIDAY FAVORITES LIKE 296 00:21:02,327 --> 00:21:05,497 THE 12 DAITION OF CHRISTMAS. >> ON THE FIRST DAY OF 297 00:21:05,564 --> 00:21:09,334 CHRISTMAS. ♪ MY TRUE LOVE GAVE TO ME. 298 00:21:09,401 --> 00:21:13,305 ♪ A PARTRIDGE, A PARTRIDGES, DID YOU KNOW, DID ANYBODY KNOW THIS, 299 00:21:13,372 --> 00:21:18,343 PARTRIDGES TRADITIONALLY LIVE IN GRASS LANDS-- I JUST FOUND THAT 300 00:21:18,410 --> 00:21:21,113 OUT RECENTLY. BUT SPEAKING OF PARTRIDGES, WHO 301 00:21:21,179 --> 00:21:23,348 KNOWS ABOUT THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY. 302 00:21:23,415 --> 00:21:27,052 >> IT'S CHRISTMAS CLASSICS THE GOLDBLUM WAY. 303 00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:31,323 >> NOW UP TO THE SECOND DAY OF CHRISTMAS, MY TRUE LOVE GAVE TO 304 00:21:31,390 --> 00:21:36,795 ME, TRUE LOVE, THERE ARE A LOT OF KINDS OF TRUE LOVE. 305 00:21:36,862 --> 00:21:42,267 WELL, ROMANTIC LOVE, OF COURSE. FRATERNAL LOVE, THERE IS 306 00:21:42,334 --> 00:21:45,570 PLATONIC LOVE AND OF OF COURSE THERE IS KOURTNEY LOVE, SHE AND 307 00:21:45,637 --> 00:21:48,407 I RAN INTO EACH OTHER. >> JEFF, JEFF, SORRY TO CUT IN. 308 00:21:48,473 --> 00:21:51,576 BUT CAN WE GET BACK TO THE SONG. >> SURE. 309 00:21:51,643 --> 00:21:52,844 OKAY. YES, OKAY. 310 00:21:52,911 --> 00:21:59,051 BACK TO THE-- BACK TO THE MUSIC. >> PLENTY OF INTERRUPTIONS. 311 00:21:59,117 --> 00:22:02,054 >> TEN LORDS A LEAPIN. NINE LADIES DANCING. 312 00:22:02,120 --> 00:22:07,325 EIGHT MADES A MILLIN. MILK, HEY, EXCUSE ME, IF I TALK 313 00:22:07,392 --> 00:22:10,629 ABOUT MILK FOR A SECOND. THIS IS A. 314 00:22:10,696 --> 00:22:12,431 >> JEFF, WE HAVE A LOT TO GET DONE. 315 00:22:12,497 --> 00:22:14,499 CAN WE PLEASE STICK TO THE SONG. >> OKAY, OKAY. 316 00:22:14,566 --> 00:22:18,537 >> NO TANGENTS. >> IT WAS MORE OF AN ANECDOTE 317 00:22:18,603 --> 00:22:23,341 THAN TANGENT. MILK, MILK, LEMONADE, FINISH 318 00:22:23,408 --> 00:22:25,077 THAT POEM. >> AROUND THE CORNER FUDGE IS 319 00:22:25,143 --> 00:22:26,278 MADE. >> YES, AROUND THE CORNER FUDGE 320 00:22:26,344 --> 00:22:29,881 IS MADE, YOU DON'T EVEN NEED A QUESTION MARK, YOU KNOW DAMN 321 00:22:29,948 --> 00:22:31,683 WELL AROUND THE CORNER A FUDGE IS MADE. 322 00:22:31,750 --> 00:22:38,123 >> AND A PARTRIDGE IN A PEAR-- LIME? 323 00:22:38,190 --> 00:22:43,061 IT'S A PEAR-- WHAT. >> TREE. 324 00:22:43,128 --> 00:22:46,031 >> BRIE? >> TREE OH, TREE, I THOUGHT YOU 325 00:22:46,098 --> 00:22:47,999 SAID BRIE. IF I WAS A KIND OF CHEESE, WHAT 326 00:22:48,066 --> 00:22:52,537 WOULD I BE, WHAT DO YOU THINK. >> BUT ON THE PLUS SIDE, IT'S 14 327 00:22:52,604 --> 00:22:56,074 HOURS LONG, A VERY GOLDBLUM CHRISTMAS. 328 00:22:56,141 --> 00:22:58,744 >> Stephen: THANK YOU TO JEFF GOLDBLUM FOR BEING THE MOST JEFF 329 00:22:58,810 --> 00:23:01,947 WHO HAS EVER GOLDBLUM-ED. AND CHECK OUT "THE CHRISTMAS 330 00:23:02,013 --> 00:23:07,886 WALTZ," AN ACTUAL CHRISTMAS SONG BY JEFF GOLDBLUM AND THE 331 00:23:07,953 --> 00:23:09,921 MILDRED SNITZER ORCHESTRA. WHEN WE COME BACK, I GIVE THE 332 00:23:09,988 --> 00:23:14,259 COLBERT QUESTIONERT TO EMILY BLUNT. 333 00:23:14,326 --> 00:23:17,329 STICK AROUND. 334 00:23:37,415 --> 00:23:50,061 >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK. HERE, EMILY BLUNT, STALLS A 335 00:23:50,128 --> 00:23:54,065 PLEASURE HAVING YOU HERE. >> THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME. 336 00:23:54,132 --> 00:23:57,803 >> IT SAY TON OF FUN, I'M A BIG FAN OF YOU AND OF OF COURSE YOUR 337 00:23:57,869 --> 00:23:59,905 HUSBAND, AND WE HAVE HAD A CHANCE TO HAVE SOCIAL TIME 338 00:23:59,971 --> 00:24:03,241 OUTSIDE OF HERE T HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG. 339 00:24:03,308 --> 00:24:05,610 >> IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG. >> Stephen: BUT I FEEL LIKE 340 00:24:05,677 --> 00:24:08,213 THIS IS WHERE YOU GOT TO GET TO KNOW SOMEBODY. 341 00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:09,948 >> OKAY. >> Stephen: WHEN THE AUDIENCE 342 00:24:10,015 --> 00:24:13,552 IS WATCHING THAT IS WHEN. >> REAL INTIMACY HAPPENS. 343 00:24:13,618 --> 00:24:15,720 >> Stephen: EXACTLY RIGHT. BUT THE PROBLEM IS WE DON'T HAVE 344 00:24:15,787 --> 00:24:18,423 ENOUGH TIME TO GET DOWN TO IT. >> WE'LL GET DOWN TO IT. 345 00:24:18,490 --> 00:24:22,260 >> Stephen: AT THE LATE SHOW QUESTION CAME UP WITH A THING 346 00:24:22,327 --> 00:24:25,430 CALLED THE COLBERT QUESTIONERT. THE PEOPLE KNOW. 347 00:24:25,497 --> 00:24:28,700 THE PEOPLE KNOW. THESES ARE 15 QUESTIONS THAT 348 00:24:28,767 --> 00:24:32,037 HAVE BEEN CALIBRATED SPECIFICALLY TO PENETRATE OUR 349 00:24:32,103 --> 00:24:36,908 PSYCHIC DEFENSES AND ACTUALLY REVEAL THAT PERSON TO THE WORLD 350 00:24:36,975 --> 00:24:41,179 AT LARGE. AND TO BE KNOWN, SCARY? 351 00:24:41,246 --> 00:24:42,914 BUT IT'S SUCH A RELIEF WHEN YOU FINALLY DON'T HAVE TO. 352 00:24:42,981 --> 00:24:45,483 >> I WILL FEEL MUCH LIGHTER. >> Stephen: ARE YOU READY TO 353 00:24:45,550 --> 00:24:50,589 TAKE THE COLBERT QUESTIONERT. >> SO READY. 354 00:24:50,655 --> 00:24:55,327 >> Stephen: EMILY BLUNT. >> YEAH SDZ WHAT IS THE BEST 355 00:24:55,393 --> 00:24:57,629 SANDWICH. >> CUBAN SANDWICH. 356 00:24:57,696 --> 00:25:02,434 >> Stephen: DESCRIBE TO PEOPLE WHAT A CUBAN SANDWICH IS. 357 00:25:02,500 --> 00:25:05,904 IT'S PORK. >> PORK, HAM, MAYO, PICKLE, 358 00:25:05,971 --> 00:25:09,207 SOMETHING SPICY IN IT. AND I LIKE POTATOE CHIPS IN IT. 359 00:25:09,274 --> 00:25:13,511 >> Stephen: I LIKE YOURS CONTAINS BOTH PORK AND HAM. 360 00:25:13,578 --> 00:25:18,850 >> IT DOES, BECAUSE YOU'VE GOT THE PORKS AND THE SLICED HAM. 361 00:25:18,917 --> 00:25:19,951 AND CHEESE. >> Stephen: YES. 362 00:25:20,018 --> 00:25:22,287 >> YEAH? >> Stephen: AND PROBABLY IT'S 363 00:25:22,354 --> 00:25:23,655 LATE AT NIGHT. >> OH, SO LATE. 364 00:25:23,722 --> 00:25:25,223 >> Stephen: WHAT IS THE ONE THING THAT YOU OWN THAT YOU 365 00:25:25,290 --> 00:25:39,938 SHOULD REALLY THROW OUT? >> UM, OH GOD, A REALLY 366 00:25:40,005 --> 00:25:45,176 TERRIBLE, A REALLY TERRIBLE OLD ROYAL BLUE VELVET JACKET AND I 367 00:25:45,243 --> 00:25:50,482 DON'T WEAR IT BUT I WORE T I WORE IT ON JOHN AND I'S FIRST 368 00:25:50,548 --> 00:25:53,618 DATED AND HAVE I NOT THROWN IT OUT. 369 00:25:53,685 --> 00:25:54,853 >> Stephen: YOU SHOULDN'T THROW IT OUT. 370 00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:59,090 >> I KNOW, BUT IT'S SUCH AN AWFUL JACKET T SITS THERE, THAT 371 00:25:59,157 --> 00:26:00,458 IS A TERRIBLE JACKET. >> Stephen: IT WAS A TERRIBLE 372 00:26:00,525 --> 00:26:02,794 JACKET THEN. >> IT PROBABLY WAS BUT I THINK I 373 00:26:02,861 --> 00:26:05,931 WAS BLIND TO IT. >> Stephen: AND EVIDENTLY HE 374 00:26:05,997 --> 00:26:07,432 WAS TOO. >> AND I WAS LIKE LOOKING GOOD. 375 00:26:07,499 --> 00:26:09,534 >> Stephen: HE WENT ON A SECOND DATE AFTER THAT TERRIBLE 376 00:26:09,601 --> 00:26:11,836 JACKET. >> HE SENT ME A MEMO AND SAID 377 00:26:11,903 --> 00:26:13,605 DON'T WEAR THE JACKET AND WILL YOU GET ANOTHER DATE. 378 00:26:13,672 --> 00:26:15,941 >> Stephen: WHAT IS THE SCARIEST ANIMAL. 379 00:26:16,007 --> 00:26:19,577 >> A COCKROACH. >> Stephen: A COCKROACH. 380 00:26:19,644 --> 00:26:23,915 >> Stephen: ARE WE TALKING LIKE THESE NEW YORK COCKROACHES 381 00:26:23,982 --> 00:26:26,418 OR LITTLE THINGS OR THE PALMETTO BUGS. 382 00:26:26,484 --> 00:26:28,853 >> I WAS JUST IN ATLANTA FOR 11 WEEKS. 383 00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:31,823 AND THERE WAS A BIT OF AN INFESTATION AT MY HOUSE. 384 00:26:31,890 --> 00:26:34,059 >> Stephen: EVERYWHERE, LOVELY HOUSES. 385 00:26:34,125 --> 00:26:35,794 >> AND I'VE NEVER BEEN THE SAME SINCE. 386 00:26:35,860 --> 00:26:40,031 >> Stephen: APPLES OR ORANGES. >> APPLESES. 387 00:26:40,098 --> 00:26:41,333 >> Stephen: OF COURSE. >> YEAH. 388 00:26:41,399 --> 00:26:45,437 >> Stephen: HAVE YOU EVER ASKED SOMEONE FOR THEIR 389 00:26:45,503 --> 00:26:46,538 AUTOGRAPH? >> NO. 390 00:26:46,604 --> 00:26:50,208 LOOK, A SORT OF A GRUMBLE. >> Stephen: IT WASN'T A 391 00:26:50,275 --> 00:26:55,447 GRUMBLE. I WONDER WHAT THAT SAYS ABOUT 392 00:26:55,513 --> 00:26:59,150 HER. >> DOES SHE THINK SHE'S SO MUCH 393 00:26:59,217 --> 00:27:02,721 BETTER THAN EVERYONE. >> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU THINK 394 00:27:02,787 --> 00:27:07,792 HAPPENS WHEN WE DIE? >> I THINK WE GO SOMEWHERE MORE 395 00:27:07,859 --> 00:27:09,260 BEAUTIFUL. THAT'S WHAT I TELL MYSELF. 396 00:27:09,327 --> 00:27:10,462 I HOPE. I WANT THAT. 397 00:27:10,528 --> 00:27:14,299 >> Stephen: OKAY. >> OH GOD, NOW I FEEL LIKE 398 00:27:14,366 --> 00:27:16,301 YOU'RE LIKE OKAY, THAT'S NOT TRUE BUT-- . 399 00:27:16,368 --> 00:27:20,305 >> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW T DOESN'T MATTER. 400 00:27:20,372 --> 00:27:23,775 >> YOU SORT OF PITIED ME. >> Stephen: WHAT HELD ME BACK 401 00:27:23,842 --> 00:27:25,810 IS LIKE IS IT MORE BEAUTIFUL. >> THE WORLD IS A VERY BEAUTIFUL 402 00:27:25,877 --> 00:27:28,113 PLACE. >> VERY BEAUTIFUL BUT I FEEL 403 00:27:28,179 --> 00:27:29,748 LIKE MAYBE ST EUPHORIC BEAUTIFUL. 404 00:27:29,814 --> 00:27:31,049 >> Stephen: OKAY. >> YEAH? 405 00:27:31,116 --> 00:27:33,985 >> Stephen: I WILL SEND YOU SOME LINKS TO SOME REALLY GREAT 406 00:27:34,052 --> 00:27:36,287 RESORTS. >> OKAY, GREAT F IT HAS A WATER 407 00:27:36,354 --> 00:27:40,325 SLIDE PARK I'M IN. >> Stephen: FAVORITE ACTION 408 00:27:40,392 --> 00:27:45,697 MOVIE. >> OH MY GOD, WHAT IS IT? 409 00:27:45,764 --> 00:27:51,069 LAD, COME ON, AND IT'S A SHOW. FAVORITE ACTION MOVIE, DOES 410 00:27:51,136 --> 00:27:52,303 INDIANA JONES COUNT, RAIDERS OF THE LAST ARC. 411 00:27:52,370 --> 00:27:56,307 >> Stephen: IT COUNT, RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARC. 412 00:27:56,374 --> 00:27:57,175 THERE YOU GO. >> YEAH. 413 00:27:57,242 --> 00:28:00,111 >> Stephen: WINDOW OR AISLE. >> AISLE. 414 00:28:00,178 --> 00:28:02,080 >> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE A RAISALE. 415 00:28:02,147 --> 00:28:05,116 >> BECAUSE I NEED TO PEE. >> Stephen: THAT'S IT AND I 416 00:28:05,183 --> 00:28:08,653 DON'T WANT TO BE SHUFFLING PAST SOMEONE, DOING THAT. 417 00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:14,859 >> Stephen: FAVORITE SMELL. >> MY CHILDREN WHEN THEY WAKE 418 00:28:14,926 --> 00:28:17,228 UP, THEY SMELL SO GOOD. WHY DO THEY SMELL SO SWEET. 419 00:28:17,295 --> 00:28:20,231 >> Stephen: HOW OLD ARE THEY. >> THEY ARE SIX AND EIGHT. 420 00:28:20,298 --> 00:28:22,634 >> Stephen: WAIT UNTIL THEY ARE 14. 421 00:28:22,700 --> 00:28:25,637 >> I KNOW, I KNOW. >> Stephen. 422 00:28:25,703 --> 00:28:27,072 >> THEY SMELL SO YUMMY RIGHT NOW. 423 00:28:27,138 --> 00:28:30,308 >> Stephen: LEAST FAVORITE SMELL? 424 00:28:30,375 --> 00:28:38,083 >> A MAN'S BATHROOM. YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU REALLY NEED TO GO, LIKE 425 00:28:38,149 --> 00:28:43,421 THIS IS-- WHEN YOU REALLY NEED TO GO, ONLY THE MEN'S IS 426 00:28:43,488 --> 00:28:46,191 AVAILABLE, I'M LIKE THIS-- GOING IN. AND I FEEL LIKE-- . 427 00:28:46,257 --> 00:28:50,328 >> Stephen: SO ARE WE. WE KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON IN 428 00:28:50,395 --> 00:28:52,897 THERE. >> WHY DOES IT SMELL SO BAD. 429 00:28:52,964 --> 00:28:54,466 >> Stephen: ST A MUSK. >> I DON'T LIKE THAT WORD. 430 00:28:54,532 --> 00:28:57,769 >> Stephen: I DON'T LIKE THAT WORD. 431 00:28:57,836 --> 00:29:00,138 >> NO. >> Stephen: THE MOIST MUSK. 432 00:29:00,205 --> 00:29:02,373 >> MOIST MUSK, THAT IS A NO-NO, ISN'T IT? 433 00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:10,048 >> Stephen: CATS OR DOGS. >> OH WOW, NO T IS BECAUSE I AM 434 00:29:10,115 --> 00:29:15,920 ALLERGIC TO CATS AS WELL. >> Stephen: OKAY, CATS OR 435 00:29:15,987 --> 00:29:16,721 HORSES? >> HORSES. 436 00:29:16,788 --> 00:29:22,227 >> Stephen: OKAY. HORSES OR DOGS. 437 00:29:22,293 --> 00:29:29,968 >> [BLEEP] I WILL SAY DOGS CUZ I CN GET BY WITHOUT HAVING TO 438 00:29:30,034 --> 00:29:31,703 TAKE A PILL. YEAH. 439 00:29:31,769 --> 00:29:34,572 >> Stephen: DO YOU ONLY GET ONE SONG TO LISTEN TO FOR THE 440 00:29:34,639 --> 00:29:42,380 REST OF YOUR LIFE, WHAT IS IT? >> LA VIE ENROSE. 441 00:29:42,447 --> 00:29:46,885 >> Stephen: WHAT NUMBER AM I THINKING OF? 442 00:29:46,951 --> 00:29:48,319 >> 36. >> Stephen: NO. 443 00:29:48,386 --> 00:29:53,224 DESCRIBE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE IN FIVE WORSED. 444 00:29:53,291 --> 00:30:00,632 >> IT WILL HOPEFULLY BE BLISSFUL >> Stephen: CONGRATULATIONS. 445 00:30:00,698 --> 00:30:04,302 YOU ARE KNOWN. THE ENGLISH IS ON PRIME VIDEO. 446 00:30:04,369 --> 00:30:07,338 THE YOUNG LADY IS EMILY BLUNT, EVERYBODY. 447 00:30:07,405 --> 00:30:10,642 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 448 00:30:27,158 --> 00:30:30,395 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WELCOME BACK TO THE LATE SHOW, 449 00:30:30,461 --> 00:30:32,297 ALREADY IN PROGRESS. I'M JOINED NOW BY MY FRIEND CHEF 450 00:30:32,363 --> 00:30:35,800 JOSEÉ ANDREÉS AND HIS DAUGHTERS, WHO ALL STAR IN THE NEW SERIES 451 00:30:35,867 --> 00:30:38,570 "JOSEÉ ANDREÉS AND FAMILY IN SPAIN." 452 00:30:38,636 --> 00:30:43,474 PLEASE WELCOME JOSEÉ, CARLOTA, INEÉS, AND LUCIÍA ANDREÉS! 453 00:30:43,541 --> 00:30:47,812 OKAY, FIRST OF ALL, IT IS THE HOLIDAYS SO EVERYBODY, IT MEANS 454 00:30:47,879 --> 00:30:51,816 COOKING WITH FAMILY, WHAT IS IT LIKE TO COOK WITH YOUR FATHER, 455 00:30:51,883 --> 00:30:54,586 GIRLS? >> OH MY GOSH, CHAOS. 456 00:30:54,652 --> 00:30:57,722 >> DO YOU COOK WITH HIM A LOT. >> WE'RE IN THE KITCHEN A LOT. 457 00:30:57,789 --> 00:31:01,759 COOKING, I'M NOT SO GOOD AT. >> Stephen: IS HE BOSSY IN THE 458 00:31:01,826 --> 00:31:03,761 KITCHEN. >> VERY, VERY BOSSY. 459 00:31:03,828 --> 00:31:05,663 >> WELL, HE DOESN'T LET US DO ANYTHING. 460 00:31:05,730 --> 00:31:08,166 >> Stephen: WOULD YOU LIKE TO RESPOND. 461 00:31:08,233 --> 00:31:12,503 >> IS THIS A PSYCHOLOGIST CLASS, I LET YOU DO EVERYTHING. 462 00:31:12,570 --> 00:31:14,439 WHAT HAPPENED? I'M QUICKER. 463 00:31:14,505 --> 00:31:16,341 >> Stephen: SPEAKING OF QUICK, LET'S GETS TO IT, WHAT ARE WE 464 00:31:16,407 --> 00:31:19,978 GOING TO DO TODAY, FIRST CARLOTA, TELL ME WHAT WE HAVE 465 00:31:20,044 --> 00:31:21,646 HERE. >> APPARENTLY WE'RE COOKING 466 00:31:21,713 --> 00:31:24,282 HAM-- QUUTING HAM, THIS IS REALLY BIG FOR ME BECAUSE WE 467 00:31:24,349 --> 00:31:30,955 NEVER, EVER, EVER LET US TOUCH THE PIG, LIKE AT HOME, EVER. 468 00:31:31,022 --> 00:31:37,028 >> Stephen: SO THIS IS HAMMON IBERICO. 469 00:31:37,095 --> 00:31:41,499 >> YOUR ENGLISH HAS TO GET BETTER, STEPHEN. 470 00:31:41,566 --> 00:31:42,867 YOU. >> Stephen: I'M WORKING ON IT. 471 00:31:42,934 --> 00:31:44,435 >> AND THIS IS HAM. >> Stephen: THIS IS THE 472 00:31:44,502 --> 00:31:48,239 GREATEST HAM IN THE WORLD. >> IT IS ACORNS. 473 00:31:48,306 --> 00:31:49,874 >> Stephen: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN. 474 00:31:49,941 --> 00:31:52,277 >> YOU KNOW ACORNS. >> Stephen: FROM A TREE. 475 00:31:52,343 --> 00:31:56,047 >> FROM THE OAKTREE, EVERY SEPTEMBER THEY BEGIN FALLING 476 00:31:56,114 --> 00:31:58,616 DOWN, WHY BECAUSE THEY SAY I'M TIRED OF BEING ON THE TREE, I 477 00:31:58,683 --> 00:32:01,486 WANT TO GO DOWN. SO THEY GO DOWN. 478 00:32:01,552 --> 00:32:05,990 AND WHEN THEY GO DOWN THEY RELEASE THE PIG, AND THEY BEGIN 479 00:32:06,057 --> 00:32:11,095 ETING THE ACORNS, AND THEY BEGIN COMING FATTY AND FATTY AND 480 00:32:11,162 --> 00:32:15,099 FATTY AND SWEETER AND HAPPY, AND WHEN THEY ARE HAPPY AND FATTY WE 481 00:32:15,166 --> 00:32:17,602 MURDER THEM. >> LOOK HOW GOOD HE COOKED THE 482 00:32:17,669 --> 00:32:18,670 HAM. >> Stephen: HOW IS THAT, HOW 483 00:32:18,736 --> 00:32:21,139 IS MY CUT. >> AND THIS IS WHAT SEPARATES 484 00:32:21,205 --> 00:32:24,509 THE HAM FROM ANY OTHER COUNTRY IN THE WORLD. 485 00:32:24,575 --> 00:32:29,881 >> Stephen: THIS IS BETTER THAN PROCIUTTON MY OPINION. 486 00:32:29,947 --> 00:32:31,082 >> DEFINITELY, I AGREE WITH YOU. >> ST BETTER. 487 00:32:31,149 --> 00:32:35,119 I LOVE MY ITALIAN COUNTERPARTS BUT YOU CANNOT COMPARE THEM. 488 00:32:35,186 --> 00:32:41,159 PRO OSCIUTTO IS GREAT FOR THAT. BUT THIS IS YOU EAT THIS AND 489 00:32:41,225 --> 00:32:43,528 YOUR LIFE CHANGES FOREVER. >> Stephen: IN PROSH OUTO YOU 490 00:32:43,594 --> 00:32:48,833 DON'T GET THE HOOF. I LIKE ANY FOOD WHEN I'M DONE, 491 00:32:48,900 --> 00:32:52,103 CAN I MAKE CLOGS. >> IN SPAIN YOU CAN BUY WITH THE 492 00:32:52,170 --> 00:32:55,373 WHOLE HOOVE BUT HERE THEY DO THE MANICURE. 493 00:32:55,440 --> 00:32:57,141 >> Stephen: YES. >> TOO MUCH. 494 00:32:57,208 --> 00:32:59,544 >> Stephen: PEDESTRIAN CARE, TECHNICALLY SPEAKING. 495 00:32:59,610 --> 00:33:02,046 >> LOOK HOW GOOD, LOOK AT THIS CULT. 496 00:33:02,113 --> 00:33:04,115 >> OH MY GOD. >> THIS IS GOOD, THE FACT THAT 497 00:33:04,182 --> 00:33:07,118 I'M CUTTING THIS HAM, THIS SAY RITE OF PASSAGE. 498 00:33:07,185 --> 00:33:08,753 >> Stephen: SO HOW DID YOU START WORKING ON THE SHOW 499 00:33:08,820 --> 00:33:10,388 TOGETHER. HOW DID IT COME ABOUT? 500 00:33:10,455 --> 00:33:13,358 >> DURING THE PANDEMIC, WHAT HAPPENED DURING THE PANDEMIC? 501 00:33:13,424 --> 00:33:18,062 >> WE COOKED IN THE KITCHEN. >> WE PUT IT WHERE. 502 00:33:18,129 --> 00:33:19,997 >> ON INSTAGRAM. WE WERE DOING RECIPES FOR THE 503 00:33:20,064 --> 00:33:23,067 PEOPLE. >> Stephen: YOU ARE 504 00:33:23,134 --> 00:33:25,970 ORCHESTRATING THEM. IS THIS YOUR PARENTING STYLE, 505 00:33:26,037 --> 00:33:30,308 YOU POINT AT THEM AND MAKE THEM TALK. 506 00:33:30,375 --> 00:33:31,909 >> YEAH STRKS LIKE MONTESSORI. IT IS SO MUCH FUN. 507 00:33:31,976 --> 00:33:35,913 >> Stephen: HOW OFTEN, CARLOTA, IS THE MEAL IN YOUR 508 00:33:35,980 --> 00:33:38,116 FAMILY JUST CUTTING UP A LEG. >> EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. 509 00:33:38,182 --> 00:33:41,085 >> DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN YOU HAD TO DO THAT PAPER. 510 00:33:41,152 --> 00:33:43,821 >> FOR MY COLLEGE ESSAY I WROTE ABOUT. 511 00:33:43,888 --> 00:33:45,623 >> YOU HAD TO WRITE ABOUT THE WHAT. 512 00:33:45,690 --> 00:33:53,631 >> SO IN THIRD GRADE WE HAD TO WRITE ABOUT A PET, OUR HOUSEHOLD 513 00:33:53,698 --> 00:33:57,835 PET, WE DIDN'T HAVE ANY, BUT WE HAD A LEG. 514 00:33:57,902 --> 00:34:01,305 >> Stephen: HAM LEG. >> IT TH IS HOW CREATIVE MY 515 00:34:01,372 --> 00:34:03,074 DAUGHTER BECAME BY BEING MY DAUGHTER. 516 00:34:03,141 --> 00:34:05,643 >> Stephen: DID YOU NAME THE HAM LEG. 517 00:34:05,710 --> 00:34:08,713 >> I DON'T REMEMBER, I HOPE I DIDN'T. 518 00:34:08,780 --> 00:34:09,814 >> YES. >> Stephen: NOW WHAT ARE WE 519 00:34:09,881 --> 00:34:14,085 DOING HERE, WHO ARE THESE LITTLE FELLOWS RIGHT HERE. 520 00:34:14,152 --> 00:34:15,119 >> KNEES AREN'T OUR PETS, THESE ARE JUST FOOD. 521 00:34:15,186 --> 00:34:18,723 >> Stephen: OKAY. >> SOME SHRIMP, WE'RE GOING TO 522 00:34:18,790 --> 00:34:23,294 MAKE A TYPICAL DISH, BECAUSE WE ACTUALLY COOK IN THE LAST 523 00:34:23,361 --> 00:34:26,264 EPISODE. THESE ARE SHRIMP AND WHAT AM I 524 00:34:26,330 --> 00:34:29,600 DOING WITH THEM. >> I AM THE CHEF OR YOU ARE THE 525 00:34:29,667 --> 00:34:32,737 CHEF, YOU FOLLOW ME. >> Stephen: YOU YOU HAVE TO BE 526 00:34:32,804 --> 00:34:34,005 BOGSY LIKE YOUR DAD. >> YOU PUT FOIL IN THE PAN AND 527 00:34:34,071 --> 00:34:37,675 THEN ADD THE GARLIC. >> Stephen: GARLIC, THERE YOU 528 00:34:37,742 --> 00:34:39,277 GO. >> AND THEN ADD SOME OF THE 529 00:34:39,343 --> 00:34:41,712 CHILI PEPPER YOU HAVE OVER THERE. 530 00:34:41,779 --> 00:34:47,084 >> THEY ARE VERY NICE. >> YOU SEE WHAT IS HAPPENING, 531 00:34:47,151 --> 00:34:49,353 WHAT IS HAPPENING? WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THE GARLIC? 532 00:34:49,420 --> 00:34:53,424 >> Stephen: IT'S SINGING. >> THE OLIVE OIL IS. 533 00:34:53,491 --> 00:34:55,326 >> IT'S DANCING. >> ST NOT SIPGING, IT'S DANCING. 534 00:34:55,393 --> 00:34:58,496 WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, STEPHEN. >> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW, I 535 00:34:58,563 --> 00:35:01,732 DON'T KNOW, JOSE, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU. 536 00:35:01,799 --> 00:35:04,602 >> AND NOW IN THIS MOMENT YOU ADD THE SHRIMP. 537 00:35:04,669 --> 00:35:07,305 >> Stephen: HOW MANY. >> THREE OR FOUR, AND THEN YOU 538 00:35:07,371 --> 00:35:11,309 PUT SOME SALT INSIDE-- . >> Stephen: HOW MUCH SALT DO I 539 00:35:11,375 --> 00:35:15,313 PUT IN. >> YOU PUT SALT UNTIL THE SHRIMP 540 00:35:15,379 --> 00:35:17,748 TELLS YOU NO MORE. A LITTLE BIT MORE. 541 00:35:17,815 --> 00:35:22,487 HE DIDN'T TELL YOU ANYTHING YET. AND THIS, MY FRIEND, IS THE MOST 542 00:35:22,553 --> 00:35:27,291 ICONIC SPANISH TAPA EVER. >> Stephen: DO I BACK OFF. 543 00:35:27,358 --> 00:35:36,367 >> NO, BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHY-- I WILL SHOW IT TO YOU. 544 00:35:36,434 --> 00:35:41,005 >> Stephen: THAT'S VERY NICE. >> THAT'S IT, MY FRIEND. 545 00:35:41,072 --> 00:35:45,343 >> Stephen: ALMOST DONE. >> NO, YOU DON'T WANT TO 546 00:35:45,409 --> 00:35:50,681 OVERCOOK THEM N THIS MOMENT. >> Stephen: OKAY. 547 00:35:50,748 --> 00:35:57,321 >> I WILL DRK DRK. >> YOU KNOW YOU BLEW OP IT. 548 00:35:57,388 --> 00:36:02,426 YOU YOU KNOW HOW MANY-- TESTS TO COME OP YURP SHOW, I DID THREE 549 00:36:02,493 --> 00:36:05,663 TESTS IN THE LEFT, THREE IN THE MOUTH, ONE IN MY MOUTH, I DON'T 550 00:36:05,730 --> 00:36:09,667 WANT TO TELL YOU WHAT ELSE. >> Stephen: WHAT IS IT LIKE 551 00:36:09,734 --> 00:36:15,206 DOING THE SHOW WITH YOUR DAD? WAS IT FUN OR WAS THERE PRESSURE 552 00:36:15,273 --> 00:36:19,644 >> DEFINITELY PRESSURE BUT I LEARNED THAT WORKING WITH FAMILY 553 00:36:19,710 --> 00:36:21,679 REALLY ISN'T THAT BAD. >> Stephen: REALLY? 554 00:36:21,746 --> 00:36:24,482 WAS WAS THAT A SURPRISE. >> YEAH, THEY ALWAYS SAY BE 555 00:36:24,549 --> 00:36:28,085 CAREFUL WORKING WITH FAMILY. I THINK IT TURNED OUT PRETTY 556 00:36:28,152 --> 00:36:28,986 WELL. >> Stephen: WHEN ARE WE DOING 557 00:36:29,053 --> 00:36:32,256 THE NEXT ONE. >> A PERFECT IMPERFECTION. 558 00:36:32,323 --> 00:36:35,192 >> Stephen: YOU, THE FAMILY IS. 559 00:36:35,259 --> 00:36:37,728 >> YEAH. >> WHAT ARE WE DOING. 560 00:36:37,795 --> 00:36:42,767 >> WE ARE DOING A ROAST CON LECHE. 561 00:36:42,833 --> 00:36:47,672 >> NOW YOU SOUND, I WANT TO MATCH-- . 562 00:36:47,738 --> 00:36:50,441 >> Stephen: ARRO CON LECHE. >> YOUR ENGLISH IS GETTING 563 00:36:50,508 --> 00:36:54,412 BETTER BY THE MINUTE, SO NOW THIS IS VERY HOT, LOOK HOW HOT 564 00:36:54,478 --> 00:36:55,246 ST. >> Stephen: WOW. 565 00:36:55,313 --> 00:36:58,015 >> YOU ARE GOING TO PUT SUGAR ON TOP. 566 00:36:58,082 --> 00:37:00,351 WHAT IS THIS? RICE AND MILK THAT YOU COOK FOR 567 00:37:00,418 --> 00:37:06,457 ONE HOUR, WITH CINNAMON. >> Stephen: ST RICE PUDDING. 568 00:37:06,524 --> 00:37:09,527 >> AROZ CON LECHE. RICE PUDDING. 569 00:37:09,594 --> 00:37:13,297 >> Stephen: DO, IS THIS CUZ IN THE UNITED STATES, THIS GETS 570 00:37:13,364 --> 00:37:23,407 SERVED AT THE RETIREMENT HOME. IS THIS-- . 571 00:37:23,474 --> 00:37:27,078 >> SO THIS IS HOW WE DO IT. >> Stephen: HOW LONG DO I PUT 572 00:37:27,144 --> 00:37:30,681 IT ON. >> UNTIL THE RICE TELLS YOU 573 00:37:30,748 --> 00:37:33,618 ENOUGH. I MEAN WHEN YOU SEE THIS, IT IS 574 00:37:33,684 --> 00:37:35,953 READY BECAUSE ARE YOU GETTING THE SMOKE. 575 00:37:36,020 --> 00:37:40,391 ARE YOU BECOMING THE DESSERT. ARE YOU LIKE A SWEET-- . 576 00:37:40,458 --> 00:37:44,996 >> Stephen: I UNDERSTAND. >> THAT'S IT, THAT'S TOO MUCH. 577 00:37:45,062 --> 00:37:49,500 >> Stephen: YOU DO THE SAME. >> NOW WHAT HAPPENS IS THIS 578 00:37:49,567 --> 00:37:59,543 THESE BECOME A-- STH'S LIKE A B BB RROULLE. 579 00:37:59,610 --> 00:38:03,114 >> AROZ CON LECHE. >> WHY YOU CHANGE THE NAMES OF 580 00:38:03,180 --> 00:38:08,819 THINGS, THIS IS NOT BROULLE. STH AROZ CON LECHE. 581 00:38:08,886 --> 00:38:11,722 >> Stephen: HOW DID YOU GET AROUND SPAIN. 582 00:38:11,789 --> 00:38:13,658 >> WE DROVE A LOT. >> Stephen: IS HE A GOOD 583 00:38:13,724 --> 00:38:15,059 DRIVER. >> ABSOLUTELY NO AT THE FIRST 584 00:38:15,126 --> 00:38:19,697 MOMENT WE GET IN THE CAR, FIRST TRIP, RIGHT WHEN HE ISING TO 585 00:38:19,764 --> 00:38:23,200 ADJUST THE REARVIEW MIRROR T JUST POPS RIGHT OFF. 586 00:38:23,267 --> 00:38:25,703 >> Stephen: THAT SEEMS LIKE ST NT HIS FAULT THOUGH. 587 00:38:25,770 --> 00:38:27,838 >> SHOW IT WAS. >> IT WAS HIS FAULT. 588 00:38:27,905 --> 00:38:31,542 >> I'M A VERY GOOD DRIVER. I AM PROBABLY THE BEST DRIVER IN 589 00:38:31,609 --> 00:38:33,678 THE HISTORY OF DRIVERS. IN FACT, I AM A VERY 590 00:38:33,744 --> 00:38:36,814 GOOD-- YEAH, YEAH, I AM. >> Stephen: I WISH YOU HAD 591 00:38:36,881 --> 00:38:40,051 MORE CONFIDENCE. >> AND I'M THE PERFECT CHEF. 592 00:38:40,117 --> 00:38:42,386 EVERYTHING I COOK IS PERFECT, RIGHT, IT'S PERFECT. 593 00:38:42,453 --> 00:38:45,690 >> NEVER SALTY. >> NO, NO NO. 594 00:38:45,756 --> 00:38:47,725 >> WHAT? >> BUT YOU KNOW. 595 00:38:47,792 --> 00:38:50,261 >> Stephen: DOES HE OVERSALT. >> HIS TRICK IS THAT WHATEVER 596 00:38:50,327 --> 00:38:53,431 HAPPENS, HE JUST CHANGES THE NAME OF THE RECIPE. 597 00:38:53,497 --> 00:38:59,236 IF IT DOESN'T GO AS PLANNED. >> OH MY GOD. 598 00:38:59,303 --> 00:39:01,672 >> YEAH. >> OH MY GOD. 599 00:39:01,739 --> 00:39:05,676 >> Stephen: SO WHAT DO YOU HOPE PEOPLE TAKE FROM THE SHOW, 600 00:39:05,743 --> 00:39:08,512 JOSE? >> THAT WHATEVER HAPPENS WHEN 601 00:39:08,579 --> 00:39:11,315 YOU ARE WITH FAMILY, EVERY SINGLE MOMENT, THE GOOD ONES AND 602 00:39:11,382 --> 00:39:17,354 THE ONES THAT SOMETIMES THEY ARE STRANGE, BECAUSE BEING WITH 603 00:39:17,421 --> 00:39:21,659 FAMILY TOGETHER CAN BE STRESSFUL, RIGHT, LADIES. 604 00:39:21,726 --> 00:39:23,994 >> A LITTLE. >> SO WITH THIS SHOW, FAMILY IS 605 00:39:24,061 --> 00:39:29,166 FAMILY NO MATTER WHAT. >> Stephen: ABSOLUTELY RIGHT, 606 00:39:29,233 --> 00:39:30,501 JOSE. THEIR NEW SERIES, 607 00:39:30,568 --> 00:39:31,602 "JOSEÉ ANDREÉS AND FAMILY IN SPAIN," DEBUTS DECEMBER 27th ON 608 00:39:31,669 --> 00:39:33,671 DISCOVERY PLUS. THE ANDREÉS FAMILY, EVERYBODY! 609 00:39:33,738 --> 00:39:37,775 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 610 00:39:54,725 --> 00:39:56,127 >> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW." 611 00:39:56,193 --> 00:39:58,262 TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS WILL BE ANDERSON COOPER AND ANDY 612 00:39:58,329 --> 00:39:59,897 COHEN, AND WE'LL HAVE A SPECIAL PERFORMANCE BY LOUIS CATO AND 613 00:39:59,964 --> 00:40:06,670 THE LATE SHOW BAND. GOOD NIGHT.