>> ELON MUSK HAS OUTFITTED
TWITTER'S HEADQUARTERS WITH BEDROOMS FOR EMPLOYEES.
PART OF HIS HARD-CORE VISION OF TWITTER.
ACCORDING TO ONE SOURCE, IT'S YET ANOTHER UNSPOKEN SIGN OF
DISRESPECT. THERE'S NO DISCUSSION, JUST LIKE
BEDS SHOWED UP. (TO THE TUNE OF "9 TO 5")
>> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE
SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT!" TONIGHT: WALKER TEXAS LOSER!
PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES: KUMAIL NANJIANI.
AND MARIAH CAREY TAKES THE COLBERT QUESTIONERT.
FEATURING LOUIS CATO AND THE LATE SHOW BAND.
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK
CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) HELLO, HELLO, HELLO.
HAPPY WEDNESDAY. HEY.
HEY, EVERYBODY. NICE TO SEE YOU UP THERE.
DOWN HERE. PLEASE, HAVE A SEAT, EVERYBODY.
THANKS, VERY MUCH. THANK YOU.
THAT'S-- THAT'S ALL I WANTED FOR CHRISTMAS.
>> Stephen: WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW."
I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. FOLK, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT HOW ARE
YOU FEELING, FOLKS FOLKS, I COME TO YOU TONIGHT
BOTH GRATIFIED AND TERRIFIED. GRATIFIED, BECAUSE RAPHAEL
BEAT HERSCHEL WALKER 51. 51.4% TO 48.6%!
AND TERRIFIED BECAUSE 48.6% OF GEORGIANS LOOKED AT HERSCHEL
WALKER AND SAID, "THAT GUY SHOULD BE A U.S. SENATOR."
BUT ONE OF THE BIGGEST REASONS I AM GRATIFIED IS THAT WITH THE
ELECTION OVER, I FINALLY GET TO USE THESE JOKES WE WROTE A MONTH
AGO, FOR ELECTION NIGHT: DO WE HAVE-- DO WE HAVE-- NO,
THAT'S-- SEALED WITH WAX. THAT'S BACK WHEN NEW YORK WAS
STILL UNDER THE FEUDAL SYSTEM, I THINK.
LET'S GET THIS OPEN, WHAT HAVE WE GOT HERE.
WARNOCK HAS WON GEORGIA! IT'S FITTING HE'S A REVEREND,
BECAUSE WHEN I HEAR THAT, ALL I CAN SAY IS "THANK GOD."
THIS IS A TOUGH BREAK FOR WALKER, THOUGH IT'LL TAKE HIM A
COUPLE DAYS TO UNDERSTAND WHAT HAS HAPPENED.
THIS IS A MONTH OLD JOKE. WITH THIS LOSS, WALKER IS
EXPECTED TO RETURN TO HIS PREVIOUS JOB, LYING ABOUT HAVING
PREVIOUS JOBS. BUT ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, IT GIVES
HIM MORE TIME TO SPEND WITH HIS FAMILY, AND MORE TIME TO FIGURE
OUT WHO THAT IS. THERE YOU GO.
HAVE THESE ENGRAVED ON TITANIUM TABLETS AND BURIED IN THE
DESERT. ONE INTERESTING WRINKLE HERE IS
THAT WALKER WAS HAND-PICKED BY THE FORMER PRESIDENT, AGAINST
THE ADVICE OF EVERYONE WHO HAD MET HERSCHEL WALKER.
BUT LAST NIGHT, WALKER DID SOMETHING THAT GOES AGAINST HIS
MENTOR'S CORE BELIEFS: HE ACCEPTED REALITY.
WALKER CONCEDED, BUT IN HIS SPEECH, HE TRIED TO KEEP THINGS
POSITIVE. >> HEY, I'M A WINNER, AND WE ALL
WINNERS, WE ARE ALL WINNERS. AND THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO SAY.
WE ARE ALL WINNERS. >> Stephen: THAT'S TRUE,
HERSCHEL. IN SOME WAYS, WE'RE ALL WINNERS.
BUT NOT IN THIS WAY. IN THIS WAY, YOU LOST.
AND IN OTHER WAYS WE'RE WINNERS. AND IN CELEBRATION OF YOU
WINNING AT LOSING, WE'LL BE SENDING YOU THIS BEAUTIFUL
TROPHY, "WORLD'S MOST DAD." WALKER-- WORKING 9 TO 5.
♪ WALKER TALKED ABOUT THE MOMENT
HE REALIZED HIS LONG, RAMBLY PATH WAS STUMBLING TO AN END.
>> WE'VE HAD A TOUGH JOURNEY, HAVE WE NOT?
BUT ONE OF THE THINGS I SAID AS THEY-- WHEN THEY CALLED THE
RACE, I SAID THE NUMBERS DOESN'T LOOK LIKE THEY'RE GOING TO ADD
UP. >> Stephen: THEY DID NOT ADD UP.
HE'S CLEARLY LEARNING HIS NUMBERS.
NEXT THING YOU KNOW, WE'LL HAVE TO TELL HIM WHERE BABIES COME
FROM. FROM YOU, HERSCHEL.
APPARENTLY, THEY'RE ALL FROM YOU.
SURE, HERSCHEL WALKER. HERSCHEL WALKER.
SO A BAD NIGHT FOR HERSCHEL WALKER BUT A GREAT NIGHT FOR
RAPHAEL WARNOCK, WHO'S HAD TO WIN FIVE ELECTIONS IN THE LAST
TWO YEARS. HERE'S HOW HE KICKED OFF HIS
VICTORY SPEECH: >> AFTER A HARD-FOUGHT CAMPAIGN,
OR SHOULD I SAY CAMPAIGNS? (CHEERS)
IT IS MY HONOR TO UTTER THE FOUR MOST POWERFUL WORDS EVER SPOKEN
IN A DEMOCRACY. >> Stephen: "WE HAVE THE MEATS?"
WARNOCK'S WIN IS ESPECIALLY EXCITING, BECAUSE IT'S YET
ANOTHER BLOW TO THE FORMER PRESIDENT.
EVEN BEFORE LAST NIGHT, THE MAJOR CANDIDATES HE ENDORSED IN
NEVADA, ARIZONA, PENNSYLVANIA, NEW HAMPSHIRE, AND MICHIGAN
ALL LOST. (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
GOOSE EGGS. AND NOW, SOME G.O.P. INSIDERS
ARE SAYING GEORGIA MAY BE REMEMBERED AS THE STATE THAT
BROKE HIM ONCE AND FOR ALL. YES!
GEORGIA BROKE HIM! BOOM!
OR AS I JUST TEXTED EVERYONE IN MY PHONE: "PEACH EMOJI, FIST
EMOJI." PEOPLE LOVE IT.
GETTING LOTS OF EXCLAMATION POINTS.
SPEAKING OF TOXIC NARCISSISTS, TWITTER C.E.O. AND WORLD'S
RICHEST LUMP OF NOUGAT, ELON MUSK.
AS PART OF HIS MOVE TO MAKE TWITTER "HARDCORE", ELON'S BEEN
ASKING TWITTER WORKERS TO STAY LONG HOURS AT THE OFFICE.
AND ON MONDAY HE TOOK IT A STEP FURTHER AND OUTFITTED TWITTER'S
HEADQUARTERS WITH BEDROOMS FOR EMPLOYEES.
I'M NOT SURPRISED HE PUT BEDS IN THE OFFICE.
HE DOESN'T WANT HIS EMPLOYEES TO BE "WOKE."
(APPLAUSE). >> Stephen: THANK YOU VERY
MUCH. THANK YOU.
SO WHAT KIND OF LUXURY TECH WELLNESS ROOMS WERE THESE?
APPARENTLY THEY CONSISTED OF UNMADE MATTRESSES, DRAB
CURTAINS, AND GIANT CONFERENCE-ROOM MONITORS.
THAT'S NOT A BEDROOM. THAT'S WHERE YOU WAKE UP AFTER
THE SERIAL KILLER WON. THIS IS BAD FOR A LOT OF
REASONS, BUT LET'S NOT FORGET, IT'S ALSO SAD.
ELON, IF YOU WANT TO HAVE A SLEEPOVER, JUST ASK ALL YOUR
FRIENDS... OOH, RIGHT. (APPLAUSE)
SO, SO SO THESE BEDROOMS SOUND PRETTY
BLEAK. BUT THERE ARE SOME PERKS.
INSIDERS REPORT ONE ROOM HAS A PLANT.
SEE? WHY SPEND TIME WITH YOUR FAMILY
WHEN YOU COULD HANG OUT WITH PLANT?
IF LIVING AT TWITTER SOUNDS BAD, IT'S ACTUALLY WORSE, BECAUSE
ALSO ON MONDAY, TWITTER'S JANITORS WENT ON STRIKE.
I DON'T BLAME THEM. PEOPLE ARE SLEEPING IN THEIR
OFFICES, SHOWERING IN THE BATHROOMS, AND SOME IDIOT TORE
THE SINK OFF THE WALL. AND NOW, LET'S VISIT THE WORLD
OF MAGAZINES: THE TWITTER OF PRINT.
TODAY, "TIME" MAGAZINE UNVEILED THEIR PERSON OF THE YEAR:
UKRAINIAN PRESIDENT VOLODYMYR ZELENSKY.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) THAT'S LOVELY.
NICE PHOTO. THAT'S PRETTY COOL.
PRETTY COOL, BUT EVEN MORE IMPRESSIVE, HE MADE THE COVER OF
COSMO! I DOESN'T FEEL HAPPY ABOUT IT ON
THE COVER. I FEEL LIKE I CAN SHARE IN THIS
HOOR A LITTLE BIT, BECAUSE TIME SAYS A HUGE PART OF ZELENSKY'S
SUCCESS CAN BE TRACED TO HIS CAREER AS A TV COMEDIAN,
WRITING, "ZELENSKY WAS ADAPTABLE, TRAINED NOT TO LOSE
HIS NERVE UNDER PRESSURE. HE KNEW HOW TO READ A CROWD
AND REACT TO ITS MOODS AND EXPECTATIONS."
OH SURE, COMEDY IS THE PERFECT TRAINING FOR WARTIME LEADERSHIP.
IT'S PROBABLY WHY NO ONE HAS DARED TO INVADE THE ED SULLIVAN
THEATER. YEAH.
(APPLAUSE) WELL, THAT, AND WE HAVE NUKES.
THANK YOU, DAVE. STAYING IN EUROPE, THERE'S NEWS
AUF DEUSTCHLAND, WHERE THE GERMAN POLIZEI HAVE ARRESTED 25
FAR-RIGHT TERROR SUSPECTS WHO WERE INFLUENCED BY QANON AND
PLOTTING TO OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT.
OKAY, I HOPE YOU WERE APPLAUDING THE ARRESTING THEM AND NOT
APPLAUDING THE Q-ANON OR ELSE SECURITY WILL BE SAYING
SOMETHING TO YOU BEFORE YOU LEAVE.
THAT IS ALSO GRATIFYING AND TERRIFYING.
GRATIFYING, BECAUSE WE'RE NOT THE ONLY COUNTRY QANON IS TRYING
TO OVERTHROW! AND TERRIFYING BECAUSE WE'RE NOT
THE ONLY COUNTRY Q-ANON IS TRYING TO OVERTHROW.
TURNS OUT, FAR-RIGHT TERRORISM IS A THREAT EVERYWHERE, AND THIS
PLOT WAS ON A HUGE SCALE. THOUSANDS OF POLICE OFFICERS
CARRIED OUT RAIDS ALL ACROSS THE COUNTRY.
THAT SOUNDS INTENSE, BUT REMEMBER IT WAS DONE WITH THOSE
ADORABLE EUROPEAN SIRENS. "WEEE-WOOO WEEE-WOOO!"
(AS GIDDY GERMAN) "OH DIS IS SO CUTE!
ZEY ARE COMINK TO GET US!" (APPLAUSE)
MEANWHILE, BACK IN AMERICA, NEW JERSEY IS A PLACE.
I FEEL LIKE I JUST BROKE THE NEWS.
AND PEOPLE ARE FROM THERE. AND ONE OF THE PEOPLE FROM NEW
JERSEY WE JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT WAS FORMER NEW JERSEY GOVERNOR
CHRIS CHRISTIE'S NIECE, WHO WAS KICKED OFF A SPIRIT AIRLINES
FLIGHT AND ARRESTED AFTER SHE ACCUSED A LATINO FAMILY OF
"SMUGGLING COCAINE," AND ALLEGEDLY INJURED SIX SHERIFF'S
DEPUTIES. SO, PRETTY STANDARD FLIGHT FOR
SPIRIT. WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT! MY GUEST IS KUMAIL NANJIANI.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, I GIVE THE COLBERT QUESTIONERT TO
MARIAH CAREY. THAT'S RIGHT, QUEEN OF CHRISTMAS
IS HERE. STICK AROUND.
>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK. GIVE IT UP ONE MORE TIME FOR
THAT BAND RIGHT THERE. ANDY ON THE BASS, KILLING IT.
(APPLAUSE) LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, OH, Y'ALL
ARE IN-- Y'ALL ARE IN FOR A CHRISTMAS TREAT BECAUSE
>> Stephen: MY GUEST TONIGHT IS A FIVE-TIME GRAMMY AWARD WINNER,
AND THE BEST-SELLING FEMALE ARTIST OF ALL TIME, WITH MORE
THAN 200 MILLION RECORDS SOLD WORLDWIDE.
HERE TO TAKE THE "COLBERT QUESTIONERT," PLEASE WELCOME
BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," MARIAH CAREY!
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE). ♪ YOU MAKE ME FEEL.
♪ YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A NATURAL WOMAN.
♪ (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
LOVELY. >> DO I SIT, DO I STAND.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. >> Stephen: THE QUEEN SITS.
>> OKAY. >> Stephen: THERE YOU GO.
>> THANK YOU. >> Stephen: HOW DELIGHTFUL,
HOW LOVELY TO HAVE YOU HERE IN PERSON.
>> WELL, THANK YOU. >> Stephen: WE HAD TALKED
BEFORE IN DECEMBER OF 2020 TO TALK ABOUT YOUR NEW YORK TIMES
NUMBER ONE BEST SELLING BOOK, THE MEANING OF MARIAH CAREY,
STILL AVAILABLE, MAKES AN INCREDIBLE CHRISTMAS PRESENT.
BUT THAT WAS OVER ZOOM BECAUSE WE NEVER GOT TO ACTUALLY BE
TOGETHER. HOW LOVELY TO SENSE YOUR
PRESENCE. >> WELL, THANK YOU FOR GRACING
ME WITH YOUR PRESENCE. >> Stephen: THANK YOU.
>> NO, REALLY, REALLY. I WAS, THAT WAS 2020, AND IT WAS
SO AWKWARD BECAUSE EVERYBODY, NOBODY WAS IN STUDIO SO IT WAS
LIKE-- . >> Stephen: WE WERE AT HOME.
>> NO, IT WAS LIKE-- AND THEN IT WAS LIKE-- AND I-- SERIOUSLY AND
YOU'RE LIKE OKAY, DID HE JUST ASK ME THAT, OR-- SO I DIDN'T,
FEEL THE ACTUAL VIBE. BECAUSE HAVE I TO TELL YOU THAT
I HAVE A VERY, VERY GOOD FRIEND, SHE'S IN ISRAEL, HE LOVES YOU.
HE IS YOUR BIGGEST FAN. SO CAN YOU SAY I HAD TOKER.
>> Stephen: HEY ELLE. >> SHALL OMZ.
>> Stephen: HERE IS THE NICE THING, NOW THAT I GOT YOU HERE
IN PERSON, FIRST OF ALL IT IS EASY TO GET TO KNOW SOMEONE IN
PERSON THAN IT IS OVER ZOOM FOR ONE THING BECAUSE YOU GET THE
MICRONUTRIENT OF BEING TOGETHER. IT IS HARD TO IDENTIFY WHAT IT
IS, BUT IT IS SOMETHING SPECIAL. BUT ALSO WE HAVE SO LITTLE TIME
TO TALK ON ONE OF THESE SHOWS THAT WHAT WE DID HERE AT THE
LATE SHOW IS THAT THE SCIENTISTS UP IN THE LABS UP THERE CAME UP
WITH 15 QUESTIONS THAT ARE ERGONOMICALLY DESIGNED TO BE
ABLE TO PENETRATE STRAIGHT TO THE SOUL OF SOMEONE AND REVEAL
THEM FOR WHO THEY TRULY ARE IN FRONT OF AN APPRECIATIVE CROWD.
>> THE ERGONOMICALLY DESIGNED-- GETS THE SOUL OF
THAT? >> Stephen: YES.
>> OR WOULD THAT BE TWO SEPARATE.
>> Stephen: NO, SAME THING, THE ERGONOMIC PART GOES IN AND
LIKE A PSYCHIC RIB SPREADER, CRACKS YOU OPEN TO REVEAL THE
BEATING HEART. >> MY RIBS HAVE BEEN CRACKED
OPEN BY HAVING TWINS, THAT IS ONE THING.
>> Stephen: IT IS ALL A METAPHOR.
>> I UNDERSTAND THAT. >> Stephen: OKAY.
I DIDN'T WANT TO CARE SCARE YOU. >> I HAVEN'T MET YOU BEFORE.
>> Stephen: YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM LIKE IT IS VERY
SIMPLE. WHAT I WOULD LIKE, WOULD YOU BE
WILLING TO TAKE THE COLBERT QUESTIONERT.
>> I'M READY. I ACTUALLY-- IS THAT GOOD?
HI GUYS. LOVING, LOVING, LOVING.
NO, SO I WAS ASKED IF I WANTED TO TAKE A-- PEEK BUT I DIDN'T
BECAUSE I WOULD RATHER BE SURPRISED.
I WILL JUST SAY, CAN I JUST SAY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GOING
TO ASK ME. BUT I'M JUST GOING TO WING T
DARLING, BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO.
>> Stephen: NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
ARE YOU MARIAH CAREY. >> YEAH, YEAH.
I MEAN EVEN IF IT COMES OUT HOWEVER IT COMES OUT, JUST
PLEASE DEAL WITH ME. DEAL WITH ME.
I CAN ONLY BE ME. >> Stephen: SINCE YOU ARE YOU,
YOU ARE THE QUEEN OF CHRISTMAS, I'VE GOT A COUPLE.
>> FIRST OF ALL, MAY I SAY, I NEVER CALLED MYSELF THE QUEEN OF
CHRISTMAS. CAN WE PLEASE BE CLEAR ON THAT.
>> Stephen: THAT, I NEVER ACCUSED YOU OF THAT.
>> YOU DID NOT, NO, YOU DID NOT, MY FRIEND.
BUT OTHERS HAVE SELF-PROCLAIMED QUEEN OF CHRISTMAS.
REALLY, I'M GOING TO DO THAT? THEY CAN LOOK UP EVERY INTERVIEW
I'VE EVER DONE, AND NOT TO GET SUPERRELIGIOUS, BUT IF ANYBODY
WOULD BE THE QUEEN OF CHRISTMAS THAT WAS MARY.
AND THEN SOMEBODY ELSE, USES MY QUOTE AGAINST ME, CHRISTMAS IS
FOR ALL. AND I JUST HAPPEN TO ACTUALLY
REALLY LOVE CHRISTMAS, BECAUSE I GREW UP AND HAD KIND EVER A
TOUGH CHILDHOOD AND I ALWAYS WANTED CHRISTMAS TO BE PERFECT.
AND IT NEVER WAS. SO WHEN I WAS ABLE TO FINALLY
PROVIDE MYSELF AND MY FRIENDS AND THEN LATER, NOW MY KIDS WHO
ARE 11, HEY, WE HAVE THE MOST SPECIAL CHRISTMAS EVER.
BUT IT COMES FROM THE WHOLE THING OF, IT STEMS FROM LIKE HOW
DO YOU LIKE-- WHY IS IT LIKE THAT, BECAUSE IT IS ACTUALLY
AUTHENTIC AND IT CAME FROM A PLACE OF LONGING TO HAVE SOME
NORMALCY AND SOME, YOU KNOW, PEACE AND JUST LIKE A LOVELY
HOLIDAY. AND SHOW, SOMEONE WOULD BE
THROWING MUSTARD AT SOMEBODY ELSE OR KETCHUP, OR WHATEVER.
SO I WENT THROUGH THAT AND NOW IT'S JUST, I WAIT ALL YEAR LONG.
SO IT IS ACTUALLY A REAL THING. SO EDIT IT HOW YOU WILL.
BUT ST. >> Stephen: A LOT OF WORDS.
>> ONE THING EVERYBODY SHOULD BE AWARE OF.
>> Stephen: YES. >> THE ARTIST ACTUALLY MAY, I AM
THE WRITER OF, WE MAKE ON SCREEN ONE 16th OF A PENNY ON EVERY
STREAM. >> LITERALLY ONE-- 16th.
>> Stephen: IT IS HALF A PENNY.
>> SO NOT EVEN A H HAYPENNY, YOU HAVEN'T A PENNY, A HAYPENNY WILL
DO. SO I CAN'T DOT MATH, GET THE
SCIENTOLOGISTS, SCIENTISTS. >> Jon: OR THE SCIENTOLOGIST.
>> NOBODY KNOWS BETTER THAN ME, ALL I KNOW IS WE ONLY MAKE
1/16th BUT STILL WE'RE THANKFUL FOR ALL OF IT.
>> Stephen: TOM CRUISE DOES HIS OWN MATH.
>> DOES HE REALLY? I FAILED REMED YAL MATH.
>> Stephen: DID YOU REALLY. >> YEAH, I DID.
I HEARD YOU TALKING ABOUT THAT. >> Stephen: YEAH.
>> I STILL HAVE NIGHTMARES THAT I DIDN'T.
I DON'T KNOW IF I DID. BUT I DON'T REALLY CARE BECAUSE
I WAS 14 AND SINGING. >> Stephen: IT ALL WORKED OUT.
>> RIGHT, I DID THE BEST I COULD.
>> Stephen: AS FAR AS CAN I TELL, NUMBER ONE, DEFINITELY
HARDEST OF ALL TIME. >> YOU'RE DOCK ALL RIGHT.
>> Stephen: YAIRKS I ONLY HAVE TWO GRAMMYS.
SO HERE, WE'LL START OFF WITH A COUPLE OF CHRISTMAS QUESTIONS IF
YU DON'T MIND. MARIAH CAREY, WHITE LIGHTS OR
COLORED LIGHTS AT CHRISTMAS? >> I'M GOING TO SAY IS THAT
POLITICALLY CORRECT IN THE WAY THAT YOU SAID THAT?
(LAUGHTER). >> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW, I
DON'T KNOW. >> I'M GOING TO-- AS A BIRACIAL,
BLACK AND BIS RACIAL MIX, BLACK, IRISH-- BLACK IRISH LIQUOR.
>> Jon: SUR YOUR LICK CERTIFICATE CALLED BLACK IRISH.
>> I REWORKED IT. >> Stephen: ARE YOU BLACK
IRISH. >> MY MOTHER IS-- IT WAS EASIER
FOR THEM TO PUT ME IN A BOX BUT I'M BLACK IRISH BUT REALLY THE
DEFINITION IS LIKE A DARKER HAIRED IRISH PERSON.
>> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT, I'M BLACK IRISH.
>> OKAY SO NOW I'M BLACK IRISH. AND THAT IS WHAT ST, AND IT IS
TASTES REALLY GOOD. ESPECIALLY THE HOLIDAYS WHERE
YOU CAN PUT IT OVER ICE AS WELL. >> Stephen: HOT COCO OR
EGGNOG. >> HOT COCO WITH A SPLASH OF
BLACK IRISH, Y'ALL, I'M FOR REAL, I'M NOT EVEN TRYING.
>> Stephen: YOU CAN'T HELP T YOU JUST WORK IT.
>> BUT I REALLY, REALLY SHOULD HAVE BROUGHT SOME FOR YOU.
>> Stephen: TREE TOPPER, ANGEL OR STAR.
>> BOTH. >> Stephen: HOW DO YOU FIT
THEM BOTH UP THERE. >> BECAUSE HAVE I FOUR TREES IN
MY HOUSE, WHAT DO YOU WANT. >> Stephen: HOW EARLY YOU CAN
START LISTENING TO CHRISTMAS MUSIC, VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION.
>> SUPERIMPORTANT. >> Stephen: BECAUSE YOU KNOW
THE FIRST SONG EVERY STORE PUTS ON.
>> I CANNOT, YOU KNOW WHAT IS INTERESTING, I WROTE THAT SONG.
I DON'T ACKNOWLEDGE TIME SO I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY, I WAS IN THE
W-O-M-B-O PRIOR TO WHEN I WROTE T TECHNICALLY, CUZ IT CAME OUT
IN THE 90 ITSEE, I'VE BEEN-- SO I WROTE T I DIDN'T KNOW THAT IT
WOULD LAST AND DO WHAT IT HAS DONE FOR ME, BUT NOW I'M NOT
REALLY IN STORES EXCEPT WHEN I GO CHRISTMAS SHOPPING WHICH IS
THE ONLY TIME I GO SHOPPING AND IN THE STORES I GO TO, I'M GOING
TO BUY PEOPLE THAT WANT DESIGNER GIFTS FROM ME, THEY EXPECT ME TO
GO WHERENEVER AND GET T SO THEY ARE PLAYING COOL MUSIC IT IS NOT
REALLY THE CHRISTMAS DIDDIES, SO I NEVER GET TO HEAR IT OUT IN
THE STORES. AND MY FRIENDS ARE LIKE I JUST
HAD YOU ON. -- AND I'M JUST LIKE OH, OKAY.
I WILL LISTEN AT HOME. HAVE I MY OWN CHRISTMAS PLAY
LIST THAT I LISTEN TO. >> Stephen: WHAT IS THE TOP
YIS MASS. >> NAT KING COLE.
>> Stephen: THE CHRISTMAS SONG.
>> JOHNNY HATHAWAY AND NAT. >> Stephen: WE WILL HOLD IT
THERE FOR JUST ONE SECOND. AND WHEN WE COME BACK MARIAH
CAREY WILL COMPLETE THE COLBERT QUESTION ERT.
DON'T GO AWAY.
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY. LOOK AT THAT.
>> Stephen: WE'RE BACK WITH MARIAH CAREY, AND WE NOW RETURN
TO THE "COLBERT QUESTIONERT." ALREADY IN PROGRESS.
ARE YOU READY TO GET INTO THE COLBERT QUESTIONERT FOR REAL.
>> ARE YOU GOING TO EDIT ALL THAT OUT?
>> Stephen: NO, MARIAH CAREY, WHAT IS THE BEST SANDWICH.
>> OH GOSH, I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW.
>> Stephen: THESE ARE TOUGH QUESTIONS.
>> I AM TRYING THOT TO EAT SANDWICHES LATELY.
>> Stephen: IF YOU COULD EAT A SANDWICH WHAT IS THE BEST, YOUR
GO TO, BABY. >> OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD RIGHT
NOW. >> Stephen: YES.
>> I WOULD SAY CHICKEN PARM SANDWICH BUT NOT WITH PARMESAN I
WOULD DO MAZ RELA AND A RED SAUCE OP TOP OF IT WITH A
LIGHTLY TOASTED THINGY. >> Stephen: 100%.
>> BUT SMALL AND THIN AND POUNDED.
>> Stephen: LOVE IT. >> YES.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVEN'T GIVEN THIS ANY THOUGHT.
WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU OWN YOU SHOULD REALLY THROW OUT.
>> MANY, MANY, MANY THINGS. >> Stephen: NAME ONE,
SOMETHING TO GO OUT IN THE GARBAGE OR GIVEAWAY OR RESELL.
>> THERE IS A JACK NET MY CLOSET RIGHT NOW THAT EVERYBODY WHO
KNOWS MY CLOSET WILL KNOW WHAT ST, IT IS A NICE GESTURE BUT IT
IS HIDEOUSLY UGLY AND IT HAS GOT TO GO IF I SEND IT TO YOU ONE
DAY WILL YOU SHOW IT. >> Stephen: I WILL WEAR IT.
>> YOU WILL NOT-- . >> Stephen: I WILL WEAR IT.
>> OKAY. I PROMISE, SOMEBODY HELP ME,
PLEASE. >> Stephen: YOU SEND T I WILL
WEAR IT. >> WILL YOU WEAR T BUT YOU CAN'T
MAKE FUN OF IT, YOU HAVE TO WEAR IT AND JUST BE SERIOUS AND
ASKING, EVEN IF IS THE MOST LEARNED PERSON ON THE PLANET,
YOU HAVE TO JUST BE LIKE REALLY SERIOUS SITTING THERE.
>> Stephen: I'M NOT GOING TO WEAR IT TO INTERVIEW SOMEONE.
>> ALL RIGHT, I WILL SAY THIS, ST A MULTICOLORED.
T IS COLORFUL. >> Stephen: COLORFUL, I WILL
WEAR IT. >> AND IT IS PLENTIFUL IN COLOR.
TAND IS BRIGHT AND SPARKLY. AND IT IS CROPPED.
>> Stephen: IS IT THE AMAZING TECHNICOLOR DREAM COAT.
>> IF YOU WANT IT TO BE THAN IT IS.
>> Stephen: WHAT IS THE SCARIEST ANIMAL.
>> ON EARTH? >> Stephen: IF YOU HAVE BEEN
TO ANOTHER PLANET WITH AN ANIMAL, LET ME KNOW ABOUT IT.
>> MAYBE YOU'LL FIND OUT ONE OF THESE DAYS.
>> Stephen: WHAT ANIMAL ON EARTH IS SCARIEST TO YOU.
>> YOU. I'M KIDDING, I'M KIDDING,
KIDDING. I'M NOT A FAN OF, I MEAN, I
DON'T KNOW, I'M SCARED OF SNAKES.
>> Stephen: CLASSIC. >> IT IS CLASSIC.
>> Stephen: APPLES OR ORANGES. >> ORANGES.
>> Stephen: OKAY. >> WHY, WHY IS THAT WRONG.
>> Stephen: IT'S NOT WRONG. >> BUT WHY IS IT LIKE THAT,
BECAUSE APPLE, I'M SUPPOSED TO GO WITH APPLE.
>> Stephen: YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO WITH ANYTHING.
>> APPLES ARE GREAT, I LIKE APPLES.
>> Stephen: I JUST LEARNED SOMETHING ABOUT YOU WHEN YOU
SAID ORANGE. >> I HAVE A TANGERINE OR AN
ORANGE TRK WOULDN'T BE ONE THING, I PROBABLY WOULD DO A-- I
MIX, I TEND TO PUT THINGS TOGETHER, TREAT IT AS DESSERT.
>> Stephen: THAT IS WHY ARE YOU EXCITING BECAUSE ARE YOU UP
FOR WHATEVER. >> WELL, NOT REALLY.
>> Stephen: NOT APPLES. >> ACTUALLY I'M VERY BORING AND
AWFUL. >> Stephen: YOU DON'T SEEM IT.
>> THAT IS BECAUSE I AM HERE WITH YOU, DARLING.
I'M TRYING TO JUST, STAY SOMEWHERE WITHIN THE VICINITY OF
WHERE YOU ARE. >> Stephen: WELCOME.
WELCOME TO THE VICINITY. >> THAN, WHY HAVE YOU NOT GONE
TO ANOTHER PLANET YET? >> Stephen: GIVE ME A TICKET,
I WILL GO. >> WE GOT TO ASK SOME OF OUR
OTHER FRIENDS FOR THAT. >> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU THINK
HAPPENS WHEN WE DIE? >> WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENS.
>> Stephen: I'M ASKING THE QUESTIONS.
>> AND MY ANSWER IS A QUESTION. >> Stephen: SO YOU QUESTION
WHAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN WE DIE. >> YOU QUESTION WHAT WILL HAPPEN
WHEN WE DIE YOU CANS CUZ YOU ASKED THE QUESTION.
I ALREADY KNOW. >> Stephen: YOU HAVE NO
QUESTION. >> NO I HAVE FAITH.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE FAITH. >> YES, I DO.
THE ASSURED EXPECTATION-- . >> Stephen: IT IS DONE.
>> DO YOU EVER THINK ABOUT TEACHERRING SUNDAY SCHOOL?
>> NO, IT IS TOO EARLY. IT IS TOO EARLY FOR ME, I'M
REALLY A NICE PERSON, I AM NIGHT PERSON I'M LUCKY I AM AWAKE
RIGHT NOW. >> Stephen: WINDOW OR AISLE.
>> ON A PLANE. >> Stephen: MAYBE A SUBMARINE.
>> DEPENDS ON THE PLANE BUT-- . >> Stephen: WINDOW OR AISLE.
>> BED, YES. THIS ONE.
>> Stephen: I GOT TO GET ON A BETTER PLANE.
ALL RIGHT. >> IT SAN OCCASIONAL,.
>> Stephen: A TREAT. >> YEAH.
>> Stephen: MOST USED APP ON YOUR PHONE.
>> VOICE MAIL. >> Stephen: CATS OR DOGS.
>> OH, THAT IS REALLY DIFFICULT FOR ME.
RIGHT NOW DOGS BECAUSE I HAVE FOUR OF THEM AT HOME.
>> Stephen: THAT'S GOOD. >> BUT FOR LIFE I CAN'T CHOOSE.
>> Stephen: YOU DID, DOGS. >> DID NOT CHOOSE.
DID NOT, DID NOT. >> Stephen: SORRY, DID.
>> DID NOT, HUH-UH. >> Stephen: YOU ONLY GET ONE
SONG TO LISTEN TO FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WHAT IS IT.
>> STEPHEN COLBERT'S LATEST HITS.
>> Stephen: THE LAST SONG I SANG WAS ALL I WANT FOR
CHRISTMAS. >> THERE YOU GO.
>> Stephen: ON THE SHOW LAST NIGHT, ACTUALLY.
>> DID YOU NOT. >> Stephen: I DID, I DID, DID
I NOT. >> LITERALLY DID.
>> Stephen: I ENDED THE MONOLOGUE SINGING YOUR SONG LAST
NIGHT. >> ONE LINE OF IT OR THE WHOLE
THING. >> Stephen: THAT IS JUST ONE
THING I NEED. ♪ AND I.
>> Stephen: UNDERNEATH THE CHRISTMAS TREE.
♪. >> YES.
>> Stephen: I JUST WANT YOU FOR MY OWN.
♪. >> YOU SKIPPED A LITTLE PART OF
IT. ♪ THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
SEERKS HE KILLS MY SONG,-- FEELS MY SORNTION VERY THANKFUL.
>> Stephen: WHAT NUMBER AM I THINKING OF.
>> 56. >> Stephen: NO.
>> 23? >> Stephen: DESCRIBE THE REST
OF YOUR LIFE IN FIVE WORDS. >> THAT WAS IT.
>> Stephen: THAT IS IT. HMMMM HMMMM HMMMM HMMMM HMMMM
AND YOU CAN SAY IT ANYWAY YOU LIKE.
YOU CAN ADD MUSIC TO IT. YOU CAN ADD ANYTHING YOU WANT TO
IT. YOU YOU CAN PLAY IT WITH, RIGHT,
YOU KNOW, YOU CAN PLAY HMMMM HMMMM HMMMM HMMMM.
♪ THAT'S MY LIFE, I GUESS. >> Stephen: MARIAH CAREY, YOU
ARE KNOWN. THANK YOU SO MUCH, MARIAH CAREY.
>> I LOVE YOU, DARLING. >> Stephen: THE MARIAH CAREY
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL SPECIAL AIRS DECEMBER 20 AT 8 P.M. ON
CBS. SEE IT LIVE ON PARAMOUNT PLUS.
MARIAH CAREY, EVERYBODY.
>> Stephen: HEY, WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.
THANK YOU, LOUIS. FOLKS,
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW MY NEXT GUEST FROM "SILICON VALLEY,"
"ETERNALS," AND "THE BIG SICK." HIS NEW SHOW IS "WELCOME TO
CHIPPENDALES." LAST IT'S ON, WHAT IS ABOUT TO
OCCUR IS WHAT IS KNOWN AS A SNOWBALL FIGHT, OKAY?
ARE YOU READY FOR IT? YES?
COME ON, STEVE, COME ON. COME ON, BUDDY.
COME ON. OH.
COME ON. WHERE IS YOUR SNOWBALL, I DON'T
SEE-- COME ON, STEVE. >> OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH.
I DON'T WANT TO PLAY ANY MORE. PLEASE, THAT'S ENOUGH.
I DON'T WANT TO PLAY ANY MORE. I DON'T WANT TO PLAY ANY MORE,
STOP, PLEASE. >> COME ON.
>> I SAID I'M FINISHED. [BLEEP]
>> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME, BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," KUMAIL
NANJIANI! (/ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE/ )
>> THANK YOU, THANK YOU. WOW.
THANK YOU. WE WILL JUST GESTURE TO EACH
OTHER FOR THE ENTIRE THING. NO, PLEASE, NO, I HAVEN'T EVEN
STARTED TALKING AND I HAVE ALREADY SAID THE F WORD ON THE
CLIP. >> Stephen: I KNOW, I KNOW,
IT'S FINE, WE CAN SAY IT ON CBS NOW.
>> YOU CAN? [BLEEP] AWESOME.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE NOT SPOKEN SINCE THE ZOOM DAYS BECAUSE YOU
KNOW, ZOOM. BUT IT'S LOVELY TO HAVE YOU BACK
IN THE THEATER. HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?
>> GREAT TO BE BACK. I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO COME TO
NEW YORK VERY MUCH. I USED TO LIVE HERE.
>> Stephen: I KNOW. ARE YOU LIKING IT.
>> I LOVE IT. I USED TO LIVE IN BROOKLYN IN
BUSHWICK WAS THE PART. >> Stephen: YEAH, YEAH.
>> BUSHWICK IS IN THE HOUSE. AND IT WAS KIND OF ROUGH.
NOT LIKE SCARY ROUGH. IT WAS LIKE WEIRD ROUGH WHEN I
LIVED THERE. >> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
>> I SWEAR THIS IS TRUE. ONE TIME I SAW A GUY ON MY
STREET CATCHING CHICKENS WITH HIS BARE HANDS.
AND STUFFING THEM INTO HIS POCKETS.
LIKE SOME SORT OF HORRIBLE REVERSE MAGICIAN.
(LAUGHTER). >> Stephen: NOW THESE DAYS YOU
LIVE IN LOS ANGELES. >> I DO, YEAH.
>> Stephen: YOU HAD TO MOVE OUT THERE WHEN YOU GOT THE ABS,
RIGHT, LITERALLY MADE YOU LEAVE NEW YORK.
>> THEY REVOKE YOUR LICENSE, ON THE PLANE TO L.A. WITH ALL THE
OTHER VAP I HADS. YOU CAN STILL HAVE SUBSTANCE AND
ABS. I'M ONLY 20% LESS FUNNY BUT IT'S
A GOOD TRADEOFF. >> Stephen: I KEEP TELLING
EVVIE, THAT IS WHY I DON'T GET ABS.
I CAN'T AFFORD TO LOSE 20%. >> TOTALLY, YOU HAVE TO DO THIS
EVERY DAY, YOU CAN'T LOSE 20%, THAT'S HUGE.
>> Stephen: YOU RECENTLY MOVED INTO A NEW HOUSE, DID YOU AND
YOUR LOVELY WIFE, DID YOU DO THE PACKING YOURSELF O DID YOU
BRING IN PEOPLE? HOW STRESSFUL WERE YOU WILLING
TO MAKE IT FOR YOURSELF. >> SO, WE PACKED, WE HAD PEOPLE
PACK FOR US EXCEPT THE THINGS THAT ARE CLOSEST TO ME.
MOST IMPORTANT, WHICH WAS MY ACTION FIGURE COLLECTION.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE AN ACTION FIGURE COLLECTION.
>> YEAH, MAN. >> Stephen: ONE VERY
ENTHUSIASTIC PERSON OUT THERE. HOW EXPENSIVE ARE WE TALKING.
>> NOT THAT EXPENSIVE, JUST ACTION FIGURES CANNOT PIECES OF
JEWELRY. THEY ARE LIKE-- .
>> Stephen: SOME OF THEM ARE ONE OF A KIND.
>> I DIDN'T HAVE ANY-OF-THOSE. BUT HAVE I, YOU KNOW, I'VE GOT
BAT MAN, GHOSTBUSTERS, THE BRUCE WAYNE SITTING THERE, YEAH, WE
LOVE BATMAN, DON'T WE. GOOD WORK.
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW WHO HAS SUPERPOWERS, I DID NOT ACTUALLY
KNOW THIS EXISTED BUT I SUSPECTED THAT THERE WAS A,
SINCE YOU BROUGHT IT UP, THAT YOU HAD YOUR OWN ACTION FIGURE.
THIS IS YOU AS TANGO FROM THE ETERNALS.
>> YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT. THAT MUST-- THAT MUST BE A
PRETTY EXCITING THING. >> IT IS, THAT IS A BIG BOOGER
MY CHARACTER PULLED OUT OF HIS NOSE.
LOOK AT THAT. I WAS, YOU KNOW, ESPECIALLY COOL
TO ME BECAUSE-- OH. >> WHAT DID YOU DO?
>> Stephen: I DID NOTHING, I DID NOTHING.
>> THAT'S MINE. I BROUGHT THAT IN.
>> Stephen: THIS MUST HAVE BEEN PRETTY EXCITING.
>> IT WAS, BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN COLLECTING ACTION FIGURES SINCE
I WAS A LITTLE KID, I STARTED WITH-- I WOULD ONLY GET THE GOOD
GUYS. >> Stephen: NO SKELETOR.
>> I DIDN'T WANT TO SUPPORT THE BAD GUYS CAUSE.
BECAUSE IN MY HEAD I THOUGHT ALL PROCEEDS WERE GOING TO FUND THE
ACTUAL WAR EFFORT. LIKE MY FRIEND WOULD BE LIKE I
GOT THE NEW SKELETOR AND I WAS LIKE HOW COULD YOU, MAN, AFTER
ALL THAT KING RANDOR HAS DONE FOR THE LAND?
>> Stephen: I'M A LITTLE OLD FOR HEMAN.
>> YOU MIGHT RELATE TO, THIS I HAVE A BUNCH OF LORD OF THE
RINGS FIGURE. >> Stephen: SO DO I, BABY.
>> DO YOU? >> Stephen: OH, NAME IT.
>> OKAY, I GOT THE FULL SIZE THERON, FULL SIZE.
>> FULL SIZE YOU MEAN LIKE-- . >> Stephen: NOT FULL SIZE,
LIKE THE BIG. >> OH WOW.
>> I GOT EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THE COULD MEM RATTIVE MUGS THAT CAME
OUT FROM BURGER KING. >> WOW.
>> Stephen: THEY LING TOGETHER AROUND A CENTRAL RING AND IT
PLAYS THE THEME SONG. >> HOW WOULD YOU-- HOW WOULD YOU
DRINK FROM AT&T LINGED MUGS. >> Stephen: IT IS NOT
IMPORTANT THAT YOU DRINK FROM THEM.
IT IS IMPORTANT THAT YOU HAVE THEM TECHNICALLY THERE ARE NINE.
>> ONE FOR EACH RING THAT THE HUMANS HAD?
>> Stephen: MAYBE OR THE NINE OF THE FELLOWSHIP.
>> I'M SO SORRY. >> Stephen: YOU DON'T HAVE TO
APOLOGIZE. >> I'M OUT OF MY DEPTH.
>> Stephen: WHAT FIGURES DO YOU HAVE.
>> I HAVE GOTHMOG, LIEUTENANT OFFING MORE UL.
>> YES, SHOTTEDS FIRS AT THE BATTLE OF GILL YAD.
>> Stephen: YEAH, YEAH. >> HAVE I HIM.
WE BRING UP THE WOLF PIT THRARKS GUY.
>> WOW. >> Stephen: YEAH.
I DO A FEW IMPRESSIONS. DO I NIXON AND I DO GOTHMOG.
>> WHICH ONE IS MORE EVIL. >> EMILY AND I WATCHED THE
EXTENDED EDITIONS OF THOSE MOVIES EVERY CHRISTMAS AND NEW
YEARS, WE WATCH ALL THREE OF THEM, EVERY YEAR.
>> Stephen: THAT IS FANTASTIC. I APPROXIMATE GOING TO INSIST
THAT I DO THAT WITH MY WIFE THIS YEAR.
AND IF SHE WON'T DO IT CAN I COME OVER TO YOUR PLACE.
BECAUSE THAT REALLY SOUNDS LIKE A LOT OF FUN.
>> PLEASE, YOU CAN HOLD GOTH MOG WHEN DO YOU IT.
BRING YOUR NINE CUPS. >> Stephen: THIS IS GOOD.
>> YOU THINK SO. >> Stephen: YOU SEEM LIKE
SOMEONE WHO WOULD, WOULD NOT HAVE AN EGOISTICAL APPROACH TO
SERVICE AND HAVE A SWEETHEART. >> I WOULD TAKE A BULLET FOR
YOU, STEVEN. >> Stephen: I'M GLAD YOU ARE
HERE WITH ME, KUMAIL. WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK.
WE'RE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE KUMAIL NANJIANI.
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY. >> Stephen: WE'RE BACK WITH STAR
OF "WELCOME TO CHIPPENDALES," THE FABULOUS KUMAIL NANJIANI.
SEE HOW EXCITED PEOPLE ARE. ITS NEW SHOW IS WELCOME TO
CHIPPENDALES, YOU PLAY THE FOUNDER.
>> IT WAS SHOWMAN BANNERJI. >> Stephen: WHO IS THIS GI AND
HOW DID HE START CHIPPENDALES, WE ALL KNOW CHIPPENDALES, IT WAS
CREATED AS A MODER MALE MEAT MARKET DANCING WITH THE CLARS
AND JUST THE CUFFS. >> EVERYBODY KNOWS, THAT IS
CHIPPENDALES BUT THE GUY WHO STARTED IT, I DIDN'T KNOW THIS,
WAS THIS NERDY IMMIGRANT FROM INDIA, WHO JUST HAD THIS IDEA.
AND-- SRS WHERE DID HE GET THIS IDEA.
>> IN THE SHOW HE GETS THE IDEA, HE GOES TO A GAY BAR AND HE SEES
SORT OF PEOPLE DANCING. ON THE CATWALK.
AND HE IS LIKE I COULD MAKE MONEY DOING THIS.
BECAUSE HE SEES, HE IS WITH A GIRL AND SHE REALLY LOVES IT.
AND HE UNDERSTANDS THAT IT IS AT THE POINT IN HISTORY WITH LIKE
WOMEN'S LIB AND EVERYTHING THAT FINALLY, HE COULD CAPITALIZE ON
THE FACT THAT WOMEN DIDN'T HAVE A SPACE WHERE THEY COULD EXPRESS
A PART OF THEMSELVES PUBLICLY, YOU KNOW.
IT FELT LIKE IT WAS READY TO HAPPEN.
SO HE GOT THIS IDEA. HE STARTED DOING IT.
BUT THEN BEHIND THE SCENES OF IT, THERE IS A LOT OF MURDERS
THAT HAPPEN. >> Stephen: REALLY?
>> MULTIPLE MURDERS HAPPEN BEHIND THE SCENES OF
CHIPPENDALES AND I WILL SAY, YOU SAW THOSE TWO CHARACTERS IN THE
BEGINNING OF THE SEGMENT, ME AND MURRAY BARTLET PLAYS NICK, SORT
OF THE ARTS GUY AND I'M THE MONEY GUY.
IN REAL LIFE, BOTH THOSE GUYS ARE SPOILER ALERT DEAD AND NOT
OF NATURAL CAUSES. SO IT IS A REALLY WILD STORY OF
THESE TWO GUYS, REALLY LIKE GOING AT IT UNTIL NOTHING LEFT.
>> Stephen: WOW. DOES CHIPPENDALES STILL EXIST.
>> YES, CHIP HE ENDEALS IS STILL AROUND.
A BIG ONE IN VEGAS THAT PEOPLE GO TO.
BUT-- HAVE YOU EVER BEEN? >> Stephen: NO, I HAVE
ACTUALLY NEVER BEEN S IT FUN? >> IT'S SO FUN.
IT'S REALLY FUN. I LIKE--
(APPLAUSE). >> Stephen: I HAVEN'T BEEN TO
A LOT OF BACHELORETTE PARTIES, THAT IS MY PROBLEM.
>> YOU GOT TO FIX YOUR LIFE. I LIKE THAT ONE PERSON WHOOOD
EXPECTING THE ENTIRE CROWD. LIKE OH, WE'RE NOT DOING THAT
HERE, THAT'S NOT HAPPENING. >> Stephen: YOU EXECUTIVE
PRODUCED THIS AS DID YOUR WIFE EMILY.
I WORKED WITH MY WIFE EV A LITTLE BIT AND IT HAS GONE VERY
WELL. HOW ABOUT FOR YOU.
-- FOR YOU, SOME PEOPLE FIND TENSION IN, WITHOUTING WITH
THEIR SPOUSE. HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH THAT?
DO YOU HAVE ANY ADVICE? >> WELL, WE'VE LEARNED SOME STF.
WE BROUGHT THE BIG SICK TOGETHER, WE HAVE DONE A LOT OF
STUFF TOGETHER. THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
I JUST WANT TO LIGHTLY MORE FOR BIG SICK MAN MALE STRIPPING, I
FEEL LIKE I PULLED THAT YOU HAVE AMOUNT OF THE HARD THING ABOUT
WORKING TOGETHER IS THE PROFESSIONAL AND PERSONAL CAN
GET WORKED UP. IF WE ARE COWORKERS AND WE ARE
ARGUING, THERE IS A CERTAIN FEELING THAT THE ARGUMENT CAN
GET TO. BUT IT CAN GET REALLY PERSONAL
IF YOU ARE, YOU KNOW, LIKE THIS PERSON KNOW.
>> Stephen: THIS PERSON KNOWING EVERYTHING ABOUT.
>> THEY NOA EVERYTHING AND THEY CAN REALLY GO THERE, YOU DON'T
LIKE THE SCENE I WROTE, REMEMBER THREE YEARS AGO YOU SAID I WAS
TURNING INTO MY MOM. >> Stephen: WELCOME TO
CHIPPENDALES IS AVAILABLE ON HULU.
KUMAIL NANJIANI, EVERYBODY. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
>> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW."
I JUST WANT TO THANK MARIAH CAREY AGAIN!
FOR TAKING THE COLBERT QUESTIONERT.
AND FOR THIS JACKET! TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS
WILL BE ALICIA KEYS AND EDDIE IZZARD.
JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT. GOOD NIGHT!