>> AMAZON HAS FILED SUIT TO CHALLENGE THE NEW UNION FORMED
BY ITS WORKERS AT A NEW YORK CITY FACILITY.
ONE COMPLAINT SAYS THEY TRIED TO ENTICE VOTERS WITH CANNABIS.
>> AMAZON IS PUSHING BACK, SAYING NEW YORK UNION ORGANIZERS
GAVE WORKERS WEED TO HELP SECURE UNIONIZATION VOTES.
. FOUNDER OF AMAZON, JEFF BEZOS.
VOTED FOR A UNION IS BECAUSE
THEY GAVE YOU MARIJUANA. SO IN ORDER TO GET YOU TO VOTE
AGAINST THE UNION, I'VE SLIPPED PEYOTE INTO YOUR BEVERAGES.
YOUR TRIP SHOULD BE STARTING NOW.
I WILL BE YOUR SPIRIT GUIDE ON
YOUR JOURNEY
>> IN THE ASTROPLANE I DON'T NEED BATHROOM BREAKS.
I CAN HOLD IT FOREVER. RIDE MY PENIS ROCKET!
>> STUFF US WITH YOUR PACKING PENUTS.
>> I WANT TO WORK A 14-HOUR SHIFT.
I LOVE YOU, FATHER. >> ALL RIGHT, FREAK-OUT'S OVER.
BACK TO WORK.
>> IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
THANK GOOD IT'S FRIDAY!
AND EASTER'S FIRST DRAFTS. PLUS,
JOSH BROLIN AND MUSICAL GUEST, THE WHO
FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN.
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK
CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
>> WOOO!
YOU GOT TO FIND THE EXTRA GEAR.
ALL TO "LATE SHOW"." I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
HAPPY FRIDAY, EVERYBODY! HAPPY FRIDAY TO YOU ALL, MY
FRIENDS. IT'S A BIG DAY FOR MANY OF THE
WORLD'S RELIGIONS. RIGHT NOW, IT'S GOOD FRIDAY,
THE START OF PASSOVER, AND WE'RE ALSO IN THE MIDST OF RAMADAN.
SO, HAPPY RAMA-GOOD-PASS-ADAN-OVER-DAY
TO YOU ALL!
A PRIEST, A RABBI, AND AN IMAM WALK INTO A BAR, THEN WALK
RIGHT OUT, BECAUSE THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE AT CHURCH, SEDER
AND/OR FASTING. THE LAST TIME THE ABRAHAMIC
RELIGIONS ALL CELEBRATED MAJOR FESTIVALS ON THE SAME DAY
WAS OVER 30 YEARS AGO. SO...
2020?
FOR THOSE CELEBRATING EASTER,
CONGRATS ON MAKING IT THROUGH LENT.
TRADITIONALLY, MANY CATHOLICS USE LENT AS A TIME TO ABSTAIN
FROM ALL MEAT EXCEPT FISH. IN FACT, McDONALD'S SAYS 25% OF
THEIR ANNUAL FILET-O-FISH SALES HAPPEN DURING THE SIX WEEKS OF
LENT. THE OTHER 75% COMES WHEN THEY
DRENCH THAT PATTY WITH BARBEQUE SAUCE AND CALL IT A "McRIB."
BUT-- SAME STUFF.
YOU CAN'T PROVE IT. YOU CAN'T PROVE IT'S NOT THE
SAME STUFF. BUT IT TURNS OUT THERE'S A
WORKAROUND, BECAUSE CAPYBARA, BEAVER, AND OTHER AQUATIC
ANIMALS COUNT AS FISH DURING LENT, WHICH EXPLAINS THE
POPULARITY OF THE NEW SEAFOOD RESTAURANT LONG JOHN BEAVER'S.
IN THE 16th CENTURY WHEN THE
VATICAN GRANTED THE VENEZUELAN CHURCH REQUEST THAT CAPYBARA BE
COUNTED AS FISH, NOT MEAT, FOR LENTEN PURPOSES BECAUSE THEY
WERE SEMI-AQUATIC, STRONG SWIMMERS, AND HAD SORT OF WEBBED
FEET. WHICH MEANS IT'S ALSO
TECHNICALLY OKAY TO EAT AQUAMAN.
SOUND WAS. IT WAS EITHER BEING UPSET OR
GREAT LONGING. NOW IT'S TIME FOR A "LATE SHOW"
IDIOT UPDATE. >> WELL, ACTUALLY...
FOLKS WHO WERE EITHER IDIOTS OR
SPIES, WHO WERE ARRESTED FOR IMPERSONATING FEDERAL AGENTS AND
SUPPLYING SECRET SERVICE PERSONNEL WITH GIFTS SUCH
AS RENT-FREE APARTMENTS AND iPHONES.
SO SECRET SERVICE AGENTS ARE PAID SO POORLY THEY NEED FREE
PHONES AND SHELTER? THAT EXPLAINS THEIR NEW
"THE ELITE.
THE WORTHY. FREE MUFFINS IN THE DUMPSTER OUT
BACK. " ACCORDING TO ONE OF THE
DEFENDANTS, THE MAN HAD NO INTENTION OF COMPROMISING ANY
FEDERAL AGENT, AND ONLY PROVIDED GIFTS TO AGENTS "WITH WHOM HE
HAD A GENUINE FRIENDSHIP" AND NEVER ASKED FOR ANYTHING IN
RETURN. AND THE JUDGE MORE OR LESS
BELIEVED THAT STORY. SO, INSTEAD OF SENDING THEM TO
JAIL, HE ORDERED BOTH MEN TO REMAIN IN HOME CONFINEMENT,
SUBJECT TO G.P.S. MONITORING, WITH THEIR PARENTS.
I'D RATHER GO TO JAIL.
"LISTEN UP,- DINNER IS - 30.
00 WE WATCH "WHEEL OF FORTUNE."
AND AFTER THAT, YOU NEED TO HELP DAD WITH HIS YAHOO! MAIL.
THE INTERTUBES ARE ALL CLOGGED!" ONE THING THAT MAKES THIS WHOLE
STORY EVEN WEIRDER THAN IT IS IS THAT THE U.S. ATTORNEY FOR D.C.
RELEASED PICTURES OF THE EVIDENCE THEY FOUND IN THESE
GUYS' APARTMENTS, INCLUDING HIGH-CAPACITY MAGAZINES,
MULTIPLE COPIES OF LICENSES AND PASSPORTS, A MACHINE TO PRINT
NEW I.D.s, AND THESE DOOR-OPENING TOOLS, DESCRIBED AS
A "DYNAMIC ENTRY KIT" -- YOU ALL KNOW, THE THINGS YOU NEED
WHEN YOU'RE MAKING FRIENDS. WE ALL REMEMBER WHEN JOHN
WILKES BOOTH SHOT LINCOLN AT FORD'S THEATER, AND THEN
FAMOUSLY CRIED, "SO IS THAT A NO ON BRUNCH?"
SPEAKING OF THE SECRET SERVICE-- THE BIDEN ADMINISTRATION HAS
BEEN PRETTY LOW ON SCANDALS SO FAR, BUT WE JUST GOT A BIG ONE
CONCERNING FORMER FIRST DOG MAJOR BIDEN, SEEN HERE GIVING
THE PRESIDENT A TASTE OF HIS OWN HAIR SNIFFING.
THAT'S NOT THAT BAD.
THAT'S NOT-- I DON'T... MAJOR PUT THE BIDENS IN THE
DOGHOUSE LAST YEAR WHEN HE GOT A LITTLE BITEY WITH WHITE HOUSE
STAFF. AT THE TIME, PRESS SECRETARY
JEN PSAKI ACKNOWLEDGED JUST ONE BITING INCIDENT, SAYING,
"MAJOR HAD BEEN SURPRISED BY AN UNFAMILIAR PERSON AND REACTED IN
A WAY THAT RESULTED IN A MINOR INJURY TO THE INDIVIDUAL."
OF COURSE MAJOR GOT A LITTLE CHOMPY.
HE LEARNED IT FROM HIS DAD.
BUT NOW IT TURNS OUT THAT THE WHITE HOUSE TRIED TO BURY THE
REAL STORY LIKE A BONE IN THE BACKYARD, BECAUSE THANKS TO A
FREEDOM OF INFORMATION ACT REQUEST, WE NOW KNOW THAT MAJOR
ACTUALLY BIT AGENTS ON EIGHT CONSECUTIVE DAYS.
AND NEWLY RELEASED EMAILS SHOW SECRET SERVICE AGENTS WERE
OUTRAGED BY THE WHITE HOUSE'S ATTEMPTS TO PLAY DOWN THE
BITES. THIS IS CLEARLY A COVER-UP!
A WHITE HOUSE SCANDAL OF EPIC PROPORTIONS THAT FOX NEWS IS
CALLING "BITE-GHAZI."
NOW-- STAY ON THE STORY, SEAN! PER THE SECRET SERVICE, THIS
WASN'T JUST ANY NIBBLE. SEVERAL AGENTS GOT CHOMPED ON
THEIR LEFT FOREARM, RIGHT THIGH, AND RIGHT BUTTOCK.
OKAY, THAT'S TERRIBLE, BUT IT'S PART OF THE JOB!
YOU'RE WILLING TO TAKE A BULLET FOR YOUR COUNTRY, BUT YOU WON'T
GET YOUR BUTT MUNCHED?!
PRESIDENT NEVER HAD A DOG. HE WAS HAULING AROUND A BUTT
BUFFET! IT'S TOO TEMPTING!
ALONG WITH OUTRAGE AT THE
COVERUP, ONE AGENT IS STILL TRYING TO GET PRESIDENT BIDEN TO
PERSONALLY PAY FOR A DAMAGED COAT.
HOWEVER, THE WHITE HOUSE DID NOT SAY WHETHER BIDEN PAID FOR IT.
"OKAY, HEARD THE PUP TOOK A CHUNK OUTTA YOUR MacINTOSH,
WASHED IT DOWN WITH A TALL GLASS OF BACKSIDE.
DON'T WORRY, JACK, UNCLE JOE'S GOTCHA.
TELL YA WHAT-- HERE'S A CRISP FIVER, TAKE THE TROLLEY ON DOWN
TO BAMBURGER'S, BUY YOURSELF A NICE RACCOON NUMBER, DAVY
CROCKETT SPECIAL. KEEP THE CHANGE AND HIT THE
SODY FOUNTAIN. GET AN EGG CREAM AND A
MONTE CRISTO. NOTHIN' BETTER FOR A CHOMPED
TUCHUS. L'CHAIM, JACK!"
NOTHING LIKE HIM.
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING LIKE HIM. NOT EVEN CLOSE.
TOTALLY DON'T KNOW. SO WHAT BECAME OF THE CHOMPER IN
CHIEF? WELL, REPORTEDLY, MAJOR WAS
GIVEN TO FAMILY FRIENDS LATE LAST YEAR, BUT HIS PRESENT
WHEREABOUTS ARE UNKNOWN. HE'S OBVIOUSLY IN WITNESS
PROTECTION. SO KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR A NEW
NEIGHBOR WHO'S SHORT AND HAIRY WITH THE NAME "REX NOTADOG."
THERE'S SOME NEWS ABOUT THE NEWS.
ACCORDING TO A NEW "ECONOMIST"/YOUGOV/
MIGHTY MIGHTY BOSSTONES POLL, THE MOST TRUSTED NEWS SOURCE IN
AMERICA IS THE WEATHER CHANNEL. WITH 52% OF AMERICANS TRUST IT,
WHILE THE OTHER 48% RELY ON THE SECOND MOST TRUSTED NAME IN
"THE WINDOW."
BUT THERE ARE SOME-- 24 HOURS. THAT'S 24 HOURS.
>> YEAH, YOU LOOK OUT THERE.
>> ALWAYS ACCURATE. BUT THERE ARE SOME PARTISAN
DIFFERENCES, BECAUSE THE WEATHER CHANNEL IS TRUSTED BY 62% OF
DEMOCRATS BUT ONLY HALF OF REPUBLICANS.
WHICH MEANS THERE IS NOW AN OPENING FOR A CONSERVATIVE
RUPERT MURDOCH'S "FOX NEWS
WEATHER NEWS." "A DEADLY CARAVAN
OF MEXICAN CLOUDS IS CROSSING OUR SOUTHERN BORDER, BRINGING A
TORRENT OF CRITICAL RAIN THEORY, TO BE FOLLOWED BY A RAINBOW.
JUST MORE EVIDENCE THAT THE GAY AGENDA IS BENT ON FLOODING YOUR
BASEMENT.
TONIGHT. MY GUEST IS JOSH BROLIN.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, WE LOOK AT SOME EASTER CARDS WITH A VERY
SPECIAL WIFE OF MINE. STICK AROUND.
JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN. TOO BEAUTIFUL.
TOO BEAUTIFUL FOR WORDS. FOLKS, THIS WEEKEND IS
EASTER, THE DAY WHERE CATHOLICS AROUND THE GLOBE CELEBRATE THE
MIRACLE THAT IS YOUR 5-YEAR-OLD KEEPING HIS CHURCH BLAZER ON FOR
MORE THAN 12 MINUTES.
THERE ARE LOTS OF GOOD OPTIONS OUT THERE, BUT THEY DON'T ALL
GET IT ON THE FIRST TRY. SO TONIGHT, WE'LL TAKE A LOOK AT
SOME OF THE EARLY ATTEMPTS IN OUR SEGMENT, "FIRST DRAFTS."
>> NO, NO, STUPID!
>> AS ALWAYS I NEED SOME HELP FOR THIS.
LUCKILY I HAVE THE BEST CARD HOLDER/LIFE PARTNER IN THE GAME,
MY WIFE, EVIE. HELLO, DARLING.
AREN'T YOU A VISION!
>> HELLO. YOU LOOK LOVELY.
I LOVE YOUR EASTER PINK. >> THANK YOU!
>> YOU LOOK FANTASTIC.
>> I THINK THIS IS SORT OF LIKE MY EASTER BUNNY-BIKER CHICK
LOOK. >> DARLING, YOU KNOW
HOW THIS WORKS. >> I DO, I GOT IT.
TWO YEARS. >> I KNOW, WE'VE BEEN
DOING THIS FOR TWO YEARS. I HAVE TO EXPLAIN IT ANYWAY,
BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE OUT THERE MAY NOT KNOW THE PREMISE.
>> OH, THEY KNOW! THEY ALL KNOW.
>> PART OF IT IS ME EXPLAINING TO THEM.
DARLING WHAT I WOULD LIKE YOU TO HELP ME WITH RIGHT NOW-- THE
MOCKERY DOES NOT HELP.
HAVE A COLLECTION OF EASTER CARDS HERE, GREETING CARDS THAT
THE FIRST CARD THAT I'LL HOLD UP OF EACH OF THESE SETS IS THE
CARD THAT WAS SOLD. THE SECOND ONE WAS THE FIRST
DRAFT OF THAT CARD THAT WAS NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO BE SOLD.
>> GOT IT.
>> OKAY! >> MY DARLING, WOULD
YOU HAND ME THE FIRST CARD? THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
HERE'S A FUN ONE, IT SAILS, "WHY DID THE EASTER BUNNY CROSS THE
ROAD? TO WISH YOU HAPPY EASTER!"
SEE, VERY SIMPLE. >> I CAN'T IMAGINE.
>> THE COMMENTS FROM THE PEANUT GALLERY DO NOT HELP
THE PUNCH LINE.
"WHY DID THE EASTER BUNNY CROSS THE ROAD?
LOOK, I DON'T KNOW, OKAY?! HE CAME OUT OF NOWHERE!
DON'T LET THE KIDS INTO THE GARAGE UNTIL I FINISH HOSING
DOWN THE CAR."
>> YOU DIDN'T MESS IT UP AT ALL.
>> THEY THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY. >> YOU ARE PERFECT IN
EVERY WAY. WE ARE LUCKY ENOUGH THAT THE
KIDS ARE GOING TO COME OUT FOR EASTER.
ISN'T THAT NICE. WE HAVE COMMITMENTS FOR ALL
THREE. >> IF WE PROVIDE THE UBER,
THEY'LL COME. >> WHAT DO YOU WANT
TO DO? >> DO YOU WANT TO GO TO CHURCH.
WE HAVEN'T BEEN -- >> WE WENT ON PALM
SUNDAY. DON'T TELL THE PEOPLE WE HAVEN'T
BEEN TO CHURCH IN A WHILE. I HAVE A REPUTATION.
>> THERE'S BEEN A PANDEMIC. >> THAT'S WHY I
HAVEN'T BEEN TO MASS IN A WHILE. THANK YOU FOR REMINDING ME.
WITH THE POPE HERE.
AND JELLYBEANS.
HAVE A SWEET EASTER. >> I KNOW YOUR FAVORITE EASTER
CANDY IS PEEPS, RIGHT? >>
>> WE HAVE TO GET TO THE PUNCH LINE, THAT WAS THE
SETUP, AND THEN WE TALK IN BETWEEN THE JOKES.
I KNOW, I KNOW YOU'VE BECOME INCREDIBLY JADED AFTER DOING
THIS FOR TWO YEARS, BUT THIS IS WHAT I DO FOR A LIVING.
YOU HAVE-- YOU HAVE TO LET ME DO THE PUNCH LINE.
>> YIT IS, IT IS.
BUT THE FIRST DRAFT SAID, "CANDY EGGS, CHOCOLATE BUNNIES,
AND JELLYBEANS... WERE ALL SOLD OUT AT THE CVS, SO
THE EASTER BUNNY BOUGHT YOU AN iPHONE 6 CAR CHARGER."
>> THAT'S ACTUALLY-- THAT'S ACTUALLY.
>> ANNIVERSARY USEFUL.
WHAT DID YOU WANT TO SAY? >> PEEPS IS YOUR FAVORITE CANDY.
>> I HATE PEEPS. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY
WIFE'S BODY? HOW DID YOU NOT KNOW THAT I
DON'T LIKE PEEPS. I DON'T LIKE PEEPS.
WHAT EASTER CANDY DO I LIKE? >> YOU LOOK MARZ APAN.
>> I DO. I'M LIKE A 79-YEAR-OLD WOMAN.
IN CHOCOLATE.
I MAKE MY OWN MARZ APAN SOMETIMES.
THANK YOU THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.
>> IT WAS REALLY FUN. >> HERE'S A CARD THAT
SAYS, "I HAVE A CLUE WHERE SOME EGGS MIGHT BE...
SO HOP ALONG AND FOLLOW ME! HAPPY EASTER!"
THAT'S NICE BUT THE FIRST DRAFT SAID,
"I HAVE A CLUE WHERE SOME EGGS MIGHT BE...
BUT YOU'RE BORN WITH A FINITE NUMBER, AND YOU'RE 38 YEARS OLD.
GET TO WORK. I WANT A GRANDCHILD.
LOVE, MOM."
LIKE A CADBURY EGG... NOTHING BUT SWEET INSIDE AND
OUT. HAPPY EASTER."
>> OH, SWEET! >> YEAH.
BUT THE FIRST DRAFT SAID, "TO ME, YOU'RE LIKE A CADBURY EGG...
I THINK WE SHOULD ONLY SEE EACH OTHER ONCE A YEAR, UNLESS I
HAPPEN TO BE IN EUROPE."
YEAR. >> IT WOULD BE.
EASTER I KNOW IS ONE OF THE TIMES OF YEAR WHEN YOU EXPRESS
SOME REGRET FOR HAVING MARRY ED ME, BECAUSE I TOOK YOU AWAY FROM
THE SOUTH WHERE IT'S SPRING IN EASTER, AND ALL THE FLOWERS ARE
OUT-- >> IT'S NOT THAT I REGRET
MARRYING YOU. IT'S THAT I REGRET WE HAVE TO
LIVE IN THE COLD NORTHEAST. >> THEY TOOK YOU AWAY
FROM THE SOUTH WITH MY JOB. >> YOU DIDN'T TAKE ME AWAY FROM
THE SOUTH. WE CHOSE TO LIVE HERE TOGETHER.
. >> OH!
I LOVE NEW YORK! I LIKE IT HERE.
>> OKAY.
LATELY. IT HAS BEEN TOO COLD LATELY.
I WOULD LIKE A WARMER SPRING FOR SURE.
>> YOU LIVED IN NEW YORK BEFORE I DID.
>> YEAH. >> YOU INTRODUCED ME
TO NEW YORK. >> YEAH.
>> YOU DID. WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
>> I DID. >> YOU DID.
. YOU TO?
>> - OH, UH, BOLDYGAS - 00 A.M. SULANYTHING
I'M TRYING TO REMEMBER WHAT ELSE.
WHAT DID WE DO THE FIRST-- WE WALKED THE BROOKLYN BRIDGE, THAT
WAS ONE OF OUR FIRST THINGS BECAUSE WE DIDN'T HAVE TO PAY
FOR THAT. THE STATEN ISLAND FERRY.
>> WE WERE VERY POOR. Y I WAS TELLING PEOPLE EARLIER
WE DID NOT HAVE TWO PENNIES TWO RUB TOGETHER.
>> NOT EVEN ONE. >> EXACTLY, WE HAD TO
TAKE ONE PENNY, SNAP IT IN HALF AND RUB IT LIKE, THAT OR LIKE
THAT. BUT GUESS WHAT?
IT'S WORKED OUT PRETTY WELL. >> IT'S WORKED OUT.
IT'S WORKED OUT. >> THANK YOU VERY
MUCH.
I TELL THE PEOPLE OUT HERE THAT I'M ALWAYS NERVOUS WHEN YOU'RE
ON? >> WHY?
>> BECAUSE I WANT TO YOU HAVE A GOOD TIME.
>> I'M HAVING FUN. >> GOOD!
>> WHAT?
>> DON'T BE NERVOUS. >> WHAT IF I HAVE YOU
ON ONE TIME AND YOU DON'T HAVE A GOOD TIME?
>> I'LL ALWAYS HAVE FUN YOU. >> WILL?
>> YES, BECAUSE I'M HERE WITH ALL THESE WONDERFUL PEOPLE.
IT'S SO FUN.
I MEAN, THERE'S NO PRESSURE! THERE'S NO SCRIPT!
>> THERE'S NO PRESSURE?
>> THERE'S NO SCRIPT. >> NO.
>> I TONIGHT EVEN YOU KNOW -- >> YOU DON'T EVEN
WAIT FOR THE PUNCH LINE. >> NO, I DON'T.
EXACTLY >> HERE'S A FUN ONE.
"I WISH CHOCOLATE BUNNIES MULTIPLIED LIKE REAL ONES.
HAPPY EASTER." ISN'T THAT NICE?
WE WOULD HAVE A LOT MORE OF THEM, WOULDN'T WE.
BUT THE FIRST DRAFT READ, "I WISH CHOCOLATE BUNNIES
MULTIPLIED LIKE REAL ONES...
I LIKE TO WATCH MY CANDY DO IT." WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JOSH
BROLIN. EVIE MAGEE, EVERYBODY!
EVERYBODY! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOU KNOW
MY GUEST TONIGHT AS AN ACTOR FROM "ENDGAME," "NO
COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN," AND "DUNE."
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," JOSH BROLIN!
.
YOU WERE GOING TO SAY, "LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN, SURPRISE GUEST, DWAYNE JOHNSON!"
AND THEY WERE LIKE... JOSH BROLIN.
>> THAT'S CLOSE. I MIX YOU GUYS UP ALL THE TIME,
MAN. AT THE OSCARS, MAN, YOU STANDING
NEXT TO JASON MAMOA. YOU LOOKED TINY.
>> WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT. >> I DON'T THINK OF
YOU AS A SMALL PERSON. >> THERE WAS A CLIP, ASK HIM IF
HE'D EVER BEEN NOMINATED WHICH I THOUGHT WAS NOT A NICE THING TO
ASK HIM BECAUSE HE'D NEVER BEEN NOMINATED.
WHEN I SAW THE CLIP IT WAS THIS, "HAVE YOU BEEN NOMINATED?
SO I LOOK LIKEDLY WANT ASS. I THOUGHT HE LOOKED LIKE THE
ASS, THE WAY IT WAS WRITTEN. BUT IT DIDN'T TURN OUT THAT WAY.
>> GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN IT'S BEEN TOO LONG.
>> HAS IT. >> FROM MY POINT?
>> NOT FOR ME, NOT FOR ME. >> YOU'RE THE GUEST.
YOU GET TO NAME THE MOMENT. >> I LOVE YOU.
YOU'RE A GOOD DUDE-- I LIKE THE GRAY.
>> THIS IS COVID, MAN, THIS IS COVID.
>> YOU HAVE COVID? >> NO, THIS IS THE
YEARS OF ANXIETY ABOUT THE COVID COMING IN.
I LIKE THE GRAY ON YOU, TOO. >> THANKS, I DON'T HAVE ANY
GRAY. >> YOU DON'T HAVE ANY
GRAY? THIS IS JUST FOR A PART RIGHT
HERE? WHAT ABOUT THE HAIR ON YOUR
CHEST IS THAT GRAY? OH, WAIT, THERE IS NONE.
THERE'S NO...
IT'S CBS. OH, NO!
COME ON! WHOA!
>> SORRY. >> YOU BRAIDED IT.
. LET'S JUST KEEP GOING.
LOOK, NOW THE AUDIENCE IS LIKE, "PLEASE STOP, PLEASE STOP."
>> YOU HAVE NOT BEEN HERE PHYSICALLY SINCE 2018, AND
YOU TOOK A BREAK FROM ACTING, YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TO STEP
AWAY A LITTLE BIT, BUT THEN YOU GOT A CALL TO DO "DUNE."
WHY DID YOU BREAK YOUR PROMISE TO YOURSELF?
>> BECAUSE IT'S DENIS VILLENEUVE.
>> YOU DID "SICARIO." >> AND NOW WE'RE GOING BACK TO
DO "DUNE. >> HOW OLD WERE YOU
WHEN YOU DID "DUNE." >> I WAS 17.
>> I READ IT WHEN I THINK I WAS 18, OR 19, I GUESS,
AND I THOUGHT-- WELL, I-- THOUGHT I HAVE TO PLAY PAUL
ATREIDES. DID YOU SAY TO YOURSELF AT THAT
AGE-- DID YOU WANT TO BE AN ACTOR AT THAT AGE?
>> I DID, BUT I ALWAYS LOOKED AT THE OTHER GUY.
I WAS DEFINITELY NOT PAUL ATREIDES.
TIFS PROBABLY STILLGAR. I WANT TO PLAY EVERY ROLE THAT
JARVIER DOES. >> HE INVITED ME TO
THE SET. >> I AM GOING TO UNINVITE YOU.
>> WE'LL SEE, WE'LL SEE.
ONCE-- I DON'T DENIS, YOU CAN'T STOP ME NOW.
ONCE I'M IN THE STILL SUIT-- >> WHEN WE DID "EVEREST."
WE'RE GOING TO CLIMB EVEREST AND THE KRAKOWER BOOK, AND IT'S
GOING TO BE AMAZING, NOT REALIZING EVERYBODY LOOKED LIKE
THIS. I CAN'T BREATHE!
LITERALLY THE ENTIRE MOVIE, EVERY CHARACTER, YOU HAVE NO
IDEA WHICH ONE I AM. NOT A STAR MAKER.
A STAR MAKER?
>> NOT A STAR MAKER. >> WE HAVE TO TAKE A
LITTLE BIT OF A BREAK, BUT WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MR. JOSH
BROLIN, EVERYBODY, STICK AROUND.
CRAIG ALMOST TORE MY ARM OFF LAST TIME.
HEY, EVERYBODY, WE'RE BACK HERE WITH STAR OF STAGE AND SCREEN,
JOSH BROLIN. YOU COLLABORATED WITH THE
"DUNE'S" DIRECTOR OF PHOTOGRAPHER, GREG FRAZIER, ON
THIS SPECIAL BOOK CALLED "THE ART AND SOUL OF DUNE."
HE TOOK EXTRAORDINARY, CANDID PHOTOGRAPHY-- I'M NOT GOING TO
FLIP THROUGH THE WHOLE THING-- BUT PHOTOGRAPHY OF THE MAKING OF
IT. YOU WROTE THE TEXT.
>> YEAH. >> AND I--
>> I WROTE THE TEXT. NO, I DIDN'T.
BUT ALL THESE WERE TAKEN ON FILM.
ALL THESE WERE TAKEN WITH CAMERAS THAT HE HAD FOUND, LIKE,
ALL OVER HUNGARY, LIKE IN FLEA MARKETS AND STUFF LIKE THAT.
I MEAN, REALLY BEAUTIFUL STUFF. BUT, YEAH, HERE-- JUST READ A
FEW WORDS -- >> WHY DON'T YOU READ
IT. I LIKE THIS, WOULD YOU READ
THIS. READ THIS, WHAT I HAD THE PAGE
OPENED TO. SEE WHERE THE PAGE IS MARKED?
THAT'S A HINT THAT I WANT YOU TO READ THAT.
READ, THAT YOU SON OF A BITCH, READ THAT RIGHT THERE.
>> YOU HAVE THIS ALL PLANNED
OUT, AND IT'S SO... SO STUFFY.
A LACERATING LIGHT LANDS ON .
SORRY.
SPOT. A LACERATING LIGHT LANDS ON
MORNING, SHARDS OF ORANGE AND BLACK SEEM TO BE THE COLORS THAT
RAIN AROUND YOU, NOW US. I REACH OUT KNOWING YOUR HANDS
WILL BE ROUGH TO THE TOUCH, BUT I AM STILL NOW, MIND YOU, SO BE
GENTLE IF YOU WOULD. I'LL BE HERE FOR LONGER THAN YOU
MIGHT HAVE INITIALLY HAD ME. THE DESERT ISN'T AS HARSH AS I
BELIEVED IT WOULD BE, BUT IT DOES, I FIND, OFTEN PRESENT WHAT
FEVERED DREAMS MIGHT HAVE SLEPT AWAY UNNOTICED DURING THE NIGHT,
AND SO WE AWAKEN BECAUSE IT IS MORNING WITH A SLIGHTLY
POSSESSED AIR ALIVE AND AROUND US.
I AM HERE, AND IT IS ALL BEGUN, THIS REACHING AND THIS REACHING
OUT AGAIN."
ENOUGH TIME... THIS IS MINE. THERE ISN'T ENOUGH TIME
FORRERING IT MAKES ME THINK OF, BUT I'LL JUST GO TO THIS-- THIS
IS NOT THE FIRST TIME YOU HAVE DONE POETIC WRITING.
LOOK AT YOU HERE. HOW OLD ARE YOU IN THIS
PHOTOGRAPH? >> 23.
>> YOU'RE 23, AND THIS IS A YOUNG, PONYTAILED JOSH
BROLIN. AND ALAN GINSBERG IN A WRITING
CLASS. HOW DID THIS COME ABOUT?
>> I THOUGHT I WAS JIM MORRISON. I THOUGHT MY NAME WAS JIM
MORRISON. >> YOU KIND OF LOOK
LIKE BILLY JACK HERE.
LEFT EAR--" >> DO YOU WANT TO EXPLAIN WHO
ALAN GINSBERG IS. >> THEY KNOW-- KNOW-- Y
KNOW WHO ALAN GINSBERG IS. >> ALAN GINSBERG FG IN
ROCHESTER, NEW YORK, I WAS DOING PLAYS, THEATER IN ROCHESTER NEW
YORK, I WAS DOING TWO PLAYS, ROTATING REP, AND A GREAT FRIEND
OF MINE, AND I SAID YOU HAVE TO-- IT'S GINSBERG.
GINSBERG WAS BUDDIES WITH KEROUAC AND YOUR EARLY 20s
THAT ALL YOU READ IS KEROUAC, YOU SMOKE CIGARETTE AFTER
CIGARETTE. BUT HE DIDN'T LIKE ME.
>> GINSBERG DIDN'T LIKE YOU.
>> NO, NO, IN THAT MOMENT WHEN I'M LOOKING AT HIM LONGINGLY
LIKE THIS, AND I THINK HE'S SAYING SOMETHING LIKE, "GO
AWAY."
IT WAS GINSBERG, AND IT DOESN'T MATTER AND I GOT THE PICTURE.
>> I DIDN'T GET THE PICTURE BUT I MET GINSBERG ONCE.
>> TELL ME. >> I WAS-- THE NIGHT
I MET MY WIFE. WE MET AT THIS PARTY AFTER AN
EVENT. SOME PEOPLE HAVE HEARD THIS.
I WON'T TELL THE WHOLE STORY. AT THE END OF THIS I AM SMITTEN
BY THIS ENCHANTING WOMAN I HAD MET THAT NIGHT AND WE'RE IN THE
A PARTY FOLLOWING THE PREMIERE OF "THE HYDROGEN JUKEBOX."
I'M TALKING TO THIS WONDERFUL WOMAN, AND SHE ASKS ME FOR MY
ADDRESS AND NUMBER. AND I'M LIKE, "ALL RIGHT!"
BUT I DON'T HAVE A PEN, SO I TURN AROUND AND ASK THE GUY
BEHIND ME FOR HIS PEN, AND ALAN GINSBERG HANDS ME--
>> REALLY, REALLY. >> SO I WROTE MY
ADDRESS DOWN, AND GAVE IT TO MY WIFE.
THAT WAS IT IT. THAT WAS MY INTRODUCTION TO ALAN
GINSBERG. >> DID YOU SAY I'M STEPHEN
COLBERT. >> I SAY THE IN THE
FUTURE YOU MIGHT CARE, BUT UNFORTUNATELY I WILL BE TALKING
TO A PERSON YOU DON'T LIKE. WE HAVE TO TAKE A BREAK, BUT
WHEN WE COME BACK, I WILL ASK JOSH ABOUT HIS AMAZING NEW SHOW
"OUTER RANGE." STICK AROUND.
>> IT DID NOT HAPPEN I WASN'T EVEN THERE THAT NIGHT.
HEY, EVERYBODY, WE'RE BACK WITH JOSH BROLIN.
THE NEXT THING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT HERE-- WE CAN TALK ABOUT
SO MUCH TONIGHT-- I WANT TO TALK ABOUT "OUTER RANGE" ON AMAZON.
I'VE WATCHED EPISODE ONE, AND I AM KNEE DEEP, BABY.
IT HAS SUCKED ME IN. >> THAT'S GOOD.
>> AND THAT'S NOT JUST A METAPHOR, BECAUSE THERE'S
A WHOLE IN YOUR WEST PASTURE THAT I'M REALLY SCARED OF, OR
MAYBE THERE ISN'T. WE DON'T KNOW.
I'M NOT GIVING ANYTHING AWAY. THAT'S IN THE TRAILER.
FOR THE PEOPLE OUT THERE, TELL THEM WHAT THE STORY IS.
>> I DON'T KNOW. I'M TRYING.
>> OKAY, OKAY. WHT CHARACTER DO YOU PLAY?
>> I PLAY ROYAL ABBOTT. I'M THE HEAD OF THE RANCH.
I'M THE PATERNAL FOREFFORT IN THE FAMILY TOGETHER.
HE'S ALL ABOUT THE INTEGRITY OF THE FAMILY, AS THIS THING WHICH
YOU JUST MENTIONED SHOWS UP-- WHICH IS BASICALLY MAYBE
SYMBOLIC OF THE UNKNOWN, MAYBE SYMBOLIC OF OUR SOCIAL FABRIC
RIGHT NOW. I DON'T KNOW.
>> MAYBE A VOID INSIDE OF HIM.
>> A VOID INSIDE OF HIM, A SECRET, IT COULD REPRESENT A
SECRET. ONCE HE HOLDS ON TO THAT SECRET,
THAT FOUNDATION THAT WAS HIS FAMILY STARTS TO CRUMBLE.
AND ONCE IT STARTS TO CRUMBLE, YOU HAVE A LOT OF EXTREME
BEHAVIORS THAT REACT AROUND THAT.
>> WE HAVE A CLIP HERE AT Y'ALL AT TABLE.
>> Y'ALL. >> ANYTHING YOU WANT
TO SAY ABOUT THIS? >> NO, HOSS, LET'S JUST GO WITH
IT.
>> JIMMY, GIDDYAP. >> WE ASK YOU TO SHOW US THE WAY
HERE BECAUSE WE'RE IN TROUBLE. WE ARE DESPERATE.
YOU MADE THIS CRAZY WORLD. MAYBE YOU CAN GIVE US SOME SORT
OF HINT AS TO WHAT YOU'RE UP TO, BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE THE FIRST
CLUE. MAYBE IT'S THAT YOU HAVE NOTHING
TO DO WITH THIS, OR MAYBE YOU'RE NOT EVEN THERE.
WHO KNOWS. THERE IS A BIG DISTANCE BETWEEN
YOU AND US, A GAP, A VOID. THERE IS A GREAT VOID.
I'M ASKING YOU TO FILL THAT VOID.
I'M ASKING YOU TO COME DOWN HERE AND EXPLAIN YOURSELF BECAUSE
THIS WORLD OF YOURS ISN'T QUITE ADDING UP, AND I HATE YOU FOR
IT, AND I REALLY DO, AND I DON'T EVEN THINK I BELIEVE
IN. BUT I REALLY HATE YOU.
WILL AMEN.
THAT-- THAT SELLS AT THE END THERE.
THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL PRAYER. THAT REALLY IS.
NOW, IT'S A WESTERN ON A CERTAIN
LEVEL HERE. IT'S SUPERNATURAL AND IT'S A
WESTERN AT THE SAME TIME. YOU CLEARLY KNOW WHAT YOU'RE
DOING ON A HORSE. WE TALKED ABOUT THIS BEFORE PUP
GREW UP ON A RANCH WITH A BUNCH OF HORSES THERE.
>> I DID, I GREW UP ON THE RARCH.
I'M STILL ON THE PRAYER, I'M LISTENING TO YOU.
DO YOU PRAY. >> YES.
>> SO DO WE. >> WHEN THE FAMILY IS
TOGETHER. INDIVIDUALLY, IF IT'S ME AND
EVIE-- >> THAT'S SOMETHING THEY TOOK
FROM ME AND IT'S EVERY PRAYER FROM MY OWN FAMILY EVERY DINNER.
>> THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL STORY.
>> THANK YOU. >> THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL
STORY. >> YES, I RODE HORSES FOR QET A
LONG TIME WHEN I WAS A KID. >> BUT A LOT OF
PEOPLE, LIKE, LIE ABOUT RIDING HORSES AND THEN THEY HAVE TO GO
DO IT. >> NO, NO.
I DID A SERIES WHEN I WAS 20-- WHEN I WAS DOING THAT, THE
GINSBERG PICTURE, I WAS DOING A SERIES AND WOULD DO PLAYS DURING
THE SUMMER. AND THIS SERIES-- YOU KNOW, THEY
AUDITION AND, YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE PEOPLE IN NEW YORK, AND THEY'RE
LIKE, "ON DO YOU RIDE." THERE WAS A GUY-- I WON'T SAY
WHO IT IS-- OH, YEAH, I RIDE. I RIDE.
YOU WANT ME TO RIDE THE HORSE, I'LL RIDE THE HORSE.
I GREW UP RIDING. YOU DIDN'T RIDE.
THE SOPRANOS YOU DIDN'T RIDE FOR SURE.
I GREW UP RIDING. I DID 65 HORSES EVERY MORNING.
I FED THEM. IT WAS HORRIBLE ONLY IN
HINDSIGHT AS THIS GREAT ROMANCE THAT WE TALK ABOUT.
NOBODY RODE. IF YOU LOOK AT THE OPENING SHOT
THE QUALIFY YOUNG RIDERS," EVERYBODY IS AT LEAST 14,15
INCHES OUT OF THE SADDLE. THERE'S ALL SPACE THERE, THERE
IS ME IN THE FRONT JUST GOING ALONG AND ALL THE OTHER NEW
YORKERS. >> WISHING THEY WERE
WEARING A CUP. >> WISHING THEY WERE WEARING A
CUP. IT WAS BAD.
I HAVE RIDDEN MY WHOLE LIFE. >> HAVE YOU EVER HAD
TO LIE IN AN AUDITION? >> AYE ONLY LIED IN AUDITIONS.
DURING ANY AUDITION.
I MEAN, WE HAD-- YOU KNOW, YOU GET A PICTURE TAKEN YOU GET AN
EIGHT BY 10, AND THE OTHER SIDE YOU HAVE A RESUME, AND EVERY
SINGLE TITLE ON THAT RESUME I MADE UP.
BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO GO IN-- YEAH, ULTIMATE TO BE VALUABLE.
YOU WANT TO BE LIKE A GUY WITH, "LOOK AT ALL THIS WORK HE'S
DONE! LET'S HIRE HIM!"
AND I DID "KING LEAR," LIKE I WAS 17.
YOU DON'T PLAY "KING LEAR" WHEN YOU'RE 17 BUT I NEVER READ IT
AND I DIDN'T KNOW. AND THEN THEY CALL YOU ON IT AND
THEY GO, WHERE DID YOU DO "KING LEAR."
AND YOU'RE LIKE, s, ITALY." AND ITALY, I SAW THE GOD FATHER
PALERMO. IN PALERMO AT THE INTERNATIONAL
ITALIAN THEATER IN PALERMO. >> I BELIEVE YOU.
>> AND THEY GO, "THANK YOU FOR COMING IN.
THANK YOU FOR COMING IN. GLCHMENT OH, MY GOODNESS.
I IT WELL.
WELL, JOSH, THANK YOU FOR COMING IN.
>> THANKS. >> "OUTER RANGE"
PREMIERES TODAY ON PRIME VIDEO. IT'S JOSH BROLIN, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
>> AND NOW, PERFORMING THEIR CLASSIC SONG, "BEHIND BLUE
EYES," FROM THE ROYAL ALBERT HALL AS PART OF THEIR SUPPORT OF
TEENAGE CANCER TRUST, THE WHO!
NO ONE KNOWS
WHAT IT'S LIKE
TO BE A SAD MAN
NO ONE KNOWS
TO BE HATED
TO TELLING ONLY LIES
THEY AREN'T AS EMPTY
SEEMS TO BE
ONLY LONELY
THAT'S NEVER FREE
WHAT IT'S LIKE
LIKE I DO
AND NO ONE BITES BACK AS HARD
NONE OF MY PAIN AND WOE CAN SHOW THROUGH
THEY AREN'T AS EMPTY
SEEMS TO BE
ONLY LONELY
THAT'S NEVER FREE
CRACK IT OPEN
AND LOSE MY COOL
TELL ME SOME BAD NEWS
AND ACT LIKE A FOOL
PUT YOUR FINGER DOWN MY THROAT
PLEASE GIVE ME A BLANKET
LET ME WEAR YOUR COAT
PLEASE LET ME WEAR YOUR COAT
NO ONE KNOWS
WHAT IT'S LIKE
TO BE THE SAD MAN
ACCOMPANIED BY A FULL ORCHESTRA
THE WHO, EVERYBODY! THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW."
TUNE IN NEXT WEEK, WHEN I'LL BE JOINED BY JULIA ROBERTS,
JASON BATEMAN, AND NEIL deGRASSE TYSON.
GOOD NIGHT.