A.K.A., FORGIATO BLOW-- HAS RELEASED A NEW SONG CALLED "MATT
GAETZ." THIS COMES AS GAETZ REMAINS
EMBROILED IN AN ONGOING SEX TRAFFICKING INVESTIGATION.
>> CHILD PROSTITUTES.
>> IT'S "THE LATE
SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
AND REMEMBERING GILBERT
GOTTFRIED.
PLUS, CLAIRE FOY AND
PAUL BETTANY AND MUSICAL GUEST, BRIGHT EYES.
FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY
HUMAN.
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK
CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
>> HELLO, JON.
BOOM! GOOD TO SEE YOU.
GOOD TO SEE YOU, FRIENDS. WHAT'S GOING ON?
HAPPY WEDNESDAY. HELLO, LOUIS.
HEY! THANK YOU, EVERYBODY.
SO KIND. THERE YOU GO.
WELCOME. HELLO, JON.
>> - HELLO! >> - GOOD TO SEE YOU,
MY FRIEND. WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW."
I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS? THAT IS A WONDERFUL SOUND TO
HEAR HAPPINESS IN THIS ROOM BECAUSE
BECAUSE NEW YORK CITY HAS BEEN ON EDGE FOR THE LAST 24 HOURS
FOLLOWING YESTERDAY'S AWFUL SUBWAY SHOOTING.
AT LEAST 29 PEOPLE WERE INJURED BUT, THANKFULLY, ALL ARE IN
STABLE CONDITION. AND ACCORDING TO THE N.Y.P.D.,
NO ONE HAS LIFE-THREATENING INJURIES AS A RESULT.
RECOVERY.
KIND OF A MIRACLE NOBODY HAS A LIFE-THREATENING INJURY.
THE BROOKLYN SUBWAY SHOOTING
SUSPECT HAS BEEN ARRESTED.
THAT'S FAST. THE SUSPECT'S NAME IS
FRANK R. JAMES. AUTHORITIES KNOW THIS BECAUSE
A CREDIT CARD WITH MR. JAMES' NAME ON IT HAD BEEN FOUND AT THE
SCENE OF THE SHOOTING, AS HAD A KEY TO A VAN THAT MR. JAMES
HAD RENTED. HE ALSO LEFT A CHEEK SWAB, A
FILLED-OUT TAX RETURN, AND HIS SOUL CYCLE EMERGENCY CONTACT.
ONE OF THE UNUSUAL FACTS ABOUT
THIS SHOOTER IS THAT HE IS 62 YEARS OLD, WHICH MEANS
TECHNICALLY HE WASN'T ON THE RUN.
HE WAS ON THE MALL WALK. AT THE PRESS CONFERENCE
ANNOUNCING FRANK JAMES' ARREST. >> FIRST, I'D LIKE TO GO TO THE
MAYOR, LIVE AT GRACIE MANSION.
>> MY FELLOW NEW YORKERS, WE GOT HIM.
THAT NEWS, LET'S GO LIVE TO
CAMERA ONE.
GREAT!
DO YOU HAVE TIME?
DO WE HAVE TIME FOR REST OF THE SHOW?
THE N.Y.P.D. DEPARTMENT CHIEF EXPLAINED JUST HOW IT ALL WENT
DOWN. >> CRIME STOPPER TIP COMES IN,
REPORTS THAT THE MALE IS IN THE McDONALD'S ON SIXTH STREET AND
FIRST AVENUE IN THE NINTH PRECINCT DOWN ON THE LOWER EAST
SIDE, IN THE EAST VILLAGE. >> McDONALD'S?
WELL, THEN I HOPE THEY TAKE HIS PRISON SENTENCE AND
THEY SUPERSIZE IT. IT'S FORTUNATE THAT JAMES LEFT
BEHIND PLENTY OF EVIDENCE BECAUSE NONE OF THE STATION'S
SECURITY CAMERAS WERE IN FULL OPERATION AT THE TIME OF THE
SHOOTING. WELL, THAT'S WHAT THE M.T.A.
GETS FOR HIRING THE SAME GUY WHO DID THE CAMERAS IN JEFFREY
EPSTEIN'S CELL. AND IT DOES-- YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
IT DOES EXPLAIN THE NEW SUBWAY
"IF YOU SEE SOMETHING, THAT'S COOL!
WE DIDN'T!"
THE M.T.A. RESPONDED TO THIS REVELATION BY SAYING THAT NO
MORE THAN 1% OF THE SUBWAY SYSTEM'S CAMERAS ARE OUT OF
SERVICE AT ANY GIVEN TIME. OKAY, I CALL B.S.!
EVERYTHING IN THE SUBWAY IS ALWAYS BROKEN-- THE ESCALATORS,
THE TICKET SWIPER, THE METRO CARD VENDING MACHINES.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN "NO CASH OR CARD ACCEPTED?"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO PAY? IS THIS A BARTER SYSTEM?
I CAN'T JAM A CHICKEN IN THAT SLOT!
THE OFLET ONLY THING IN THE WHOLE DAMN SUBWAY THAT WORKING
IS THE CEILING JUICE DRIPPER. YOU CAN ALWAYS GET FRESH CEILING
JUICE. IT'S BEEN A TOUGH WEEK FOR
PRESIDENT JOE BIDEN. FIRST, WE LEARNED THAT INFLATION
IS AT A NEW 40-YEAR HIGH. AND WHEN HE WENT TO IOWA TO TALK
ABOUT WAYS TO LOWER GAS PRICES, TO TRY TO HELP, HE WAS UPSTAGED
BY HIS LAPEL, BECAUSE DURING THE SPEECH, A BIRD APPEARED TO POOP
ON JOE BIDEN. LOOK, FOLKS, THIS IS THE KIND OF
STORY LATE NIGHT WAS MADE FOR. IN FACT, STEVE ALLEN STARTED
"THE TONIGHT SHOW" IN THE 1950s TO TALK ABOUT A PELICAN
GUANO-BOMBING IKE. SO COVERING THIS RECENT INCIDENT
IS "THE LATE SHOW'S" DUTY. WELL, IT'S THE BIRD'S DOODY.
BUT IT'S OUR RESPONSIBILITY. HERE'S--
THEY'RE WAY AHEAD.
>> - YEAH, THEY HEARD IT. >> - HERE'S THE MOMENT IT
HAPPENED. KEEP AN EYE ON THE PRESIDENT'S
JACKET, >> IT'S ABOUT BEING MADE IN
AMERICA. A LOT OF THAT HAS TO DO WITH
THIS INDUSTRY. >> AND THAT BIRD IS NOW
THE REPUBLICAN FRONT-RUNNER IN 2024.
IT'S ALREADY PICKED ITS
NUMBER TWO. HOLD ON!
WAIT!
I'M BEING TOLD THAT WE HAVE AN IMPORTANT BIRD POOP FACT CHECK.
ACCORDING TO AN NBC POLITICAL REPORTER, WHAT FELL ON THE
PRESIDENT WASN'T BIRD POOP AT ALL, BECAUSE,
"I WAS IN THE ROOM. THIS IS AN ACTIVE FACTORY, AND
PIPES FULL OF CORN POWDER FILLED THE CEILING OF THIS EVENT SPACE.
CORN POWDER PARTICLES WERE DRIPPING ON ALL OF US
PERIODICALLY THROUGHOUT THE EVENT."
BOOOOO! BOO ON YOUR FACT CHECK!
WHAT A PARTY NOT-ACTUALLY-POOPER!
THIS GUY SURE SEEMS EAGER TO CONVINCE US IT WASN'T BIRD POOP.
CAN WE SEE A PHOTO OF THAT REPORTER?
AH-HAH! AH-HAH!
ACCEPTED.
IT WASN'T BIRD POOP. IT WAS JUST A GENTLE RAIN OF
INDUSTRIAL CORN DOOKIE. YOU CAN SEE FOR YOURSELF,
BECAUSE CAMERAS CAPTURED WHAT WAS GOING ON IN THE ROOM ABOVE
THE PRESIDENT THE MOMENT IT
>> HEY, I'M IN HERE!
SPEAKING OF-- THAT'S AN EXCLUSIVE!
THAT'S AN EXCLUSIVE, IS WHAT WE CALL THAT IN THE BUSINESS.
SPEAKING OF EMBARRASSMENT, IT SEEMS LIKE EVERYONE WHO CAME
WITHIN BURGER- SPITTLE DISTANCE OF THE FORMER PRESIDENT IS UNDER
CRIMINAL INVESTIGATION. AND THAT INCLUDES DISGRACED
FORMER NEW YORK MAYOR AND POP-UP HALLOWEEN LAWYER, RUDY GIULIANI.
FEDERAL PROSECUTORS ARE CURRENTLY LOOKING INTO RUDY'S
LOBBYING EFFORTS IN UKRAINE, AND BACK IN APRIL OF LAST YEAR,
INVESTIGATORS SEIZED 18 DEVICES DURING HIGH-PROFILE RAIDS ON HIS
HOME. 18 DEVICES?
MAN, THAT'S A LOT OF PORN.
OFFERED TO ASSIST THE FEDS IN FINDING REASONS TO CHARGE HIM
WHEN HE HELPED INVESTIGATORS UNLOCK SEVERAL ELECTRONIC
DEVICES BY PROVIDING A LIST OF POSSIBLE PASSWORDS.
CARRY AROUND A PIECE OF PAPER
WITH A LIST OF POSSIBLE PASSWORDS.
I'M HAPPY TO SAY "THE LATE SHOW" HAS ACQUIRED A COPY OF THE
LIST. THERE'S "LEAKY HEAD JUICE 21,"
"SEX WITH COUSIN 69," AND "FOUR SEASONS TOTAL MANSCAPING."
SPEAKING--
A SCANDAL BREWING FOR BRAZILIAN PRESIDENT AND GRANDPA ON
VACATION WHO'S DRIVING GRANDMA CRAZY WITH HIS STUPID NEW HAT,
JAIR BOLSONARO. BOLSONARO'S OPPONENS ARE
ATTACKING HIM AFTER FINDING OUT THAT THE COUNTRY'S ARMED FORCES
HAD BOUGHT TENS OF THOUSANDS OF IMPOTENCE PILLS.
ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, BRAZILIAN SOLDIERS NO LONGER NEED THEIR
BAYONETS, AND THEY'RE PITCHING TENTS FASTER THAN EVER.
THE DRUG WAS BEING USED TO TREAT
PULMONARY HYPERTENSION, BUT A REPORTER IN ONE NEWSPAPER
SUGGESTED THE DOSAGES THAT HAD BEEN BOUGHT WERE GENERALLY USED
TO TREAT PENISES, NOT BLOOD PRESSURE.
WELL, EITHER WAY, YOU MIGHT WANT YOUR PENIS TO CUT BACK ON FRIED
FOODS. PLUS, THE OFFICIAL WHO EXPOSED
THE VIAGRA SPENDING ALSO CLAIMED THAT THE DEFENSE MINISTRY HAD
APPROVED THE PURCHASE OF 60 INFLATABLE SILICONE PENILE
IMPLANTS, COSTING BETWEEN $10,600 AND $12,800 APIECE.
WOW, HOW HIGH TECH ARE THESE THINGS?
IN THE OLD DAYS, IF YOU WANTED AN INFLATABLE PENILE IMPLANT,
YOU JUST MADE DO WITH ONE OF THOSE NOODLE GUYS.
DIDN'T WORK VERY WELL, BUT YOUR PENIS DID SELL A LOT OF USED
HONDAS. NOW, THIS IS ESPECIALLY
EMBARRASSING FOR BOLSONARO, WHO FREQUENTLY BOASTS ABOUT HIS
VIRILITY, REFERRING TO HIMSELF AS "IMBROCHAVEL."
THE PORTUGUESE WORD ROUGHLY TRANSLATES INTO ENGLISH AS
"UNFLOPPABLE" OR "FLACCID-PROOF."
WELL, THIS WILL TEACH HIM TO BE SO COCKY.
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT. MY GUESTS ARE CLAIRE FOY AND
PAUL BETTANY. BUT WHEN WE RETURN, THE HOUSING
MARKET IS ON FIRE. BUT IS IT YOUNG PEOPLE OR OLD
PEOPLE WHO ARE THE ARSONISTS? STICK AROUND.
JON BATISTE AND HUMAN, EVERYBODY!
I LIKE IT. >> DIFFERENT SOUND.
>> I LIKE IT. WE'VE GOT TWO-- JON, COMING UP
HERE, COMING UP? JUST A MINUTE WE HAVE TWO
ABSOLUTELY LOVELY, JUST LOVELY AND JUST DAMN CLASSY GUESTS.
WE HAVE PAUL BETTANY AND CLAIRE FOY ARE GOING TO BE OUT HERE IN
JUST A LITTLE WHILE FOR THEIR NEW SERIES ON AMAZON PRIME
CALLED "A VERY BRITISH SCANDAL." IT IS VERY SCANDALOUS AND
THEY'RE VERY BRITISH, AND I CAN'T WAIT FOR THEM TO COME OUT
HERE AND SOUND ALL SMART AND EVERYTHING.
IT'S GOING TO BE ARE GREAT. HEY, HAPPY SPRING.
IT REALLY FEELS LIKE A-- AN AMAZING SPRING DAY TODAY.
>> YES, TODAY WAS A GREAT DAY, INCREDIBLE.
YEAH. >> SPRING IS ALL
ABOUT HOPE AND UPWARD AND NEW POSSIBILITIES.
HOW ARE YOU FEELING TODAY, JON? >> I FEEL GREAT.
I WALKED IN CENTRAL PARK FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A WHILE.
>> - WOW. >> - IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
MAN, WE HAVE THIS INCREDIBLE PARK IN NEW YORK CITY.
>> - SURE. >> - YOU CAN JUST GO RIGHT
THERE. >> IT'S A JEWEL.
EUROPEAN-- >> YES.
UNBELIEVABLE. >> CAN YOU WALK
AROUND AND HAVE PEOPLE NOT BOTHER YOU NOW, NOW THAT YOU'RE
LIKE "ALBUM OF THE YEAR, JON BATISTE"?
>> ABSOLUTELY NOT. IT'S CRAZY.
YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT. >> I KNOW, I KNOW.
I'M HAPPY FOR YOU. I'M HAPPY FOR YOU.
>> WHOA. A SHIFT.
>> IT IS A SHIFT, YEAH.
>> - SOMETHING DIFFERENT. >> - WELCOME TO IT.
>> YES. ANY TIPS.
>> ENJOY IT. WHAT?
>> - ANY TIPS. >> - ANY TIPS?
GROW A BEARD? I DON'T KNOW.
TRY TO ENJOY IT? BE NICE?
>> - YEAH. >> - YEAH, BE NICE,
UNLIKE HOW YOU USUALLY ARE, JON. FOLKS, THE WORLD IS ENGAGED IN A
BATTLE OF THE GENERATIONS. IT'S BOOMERS VERSUS MILLENNIALS
VERSUS GEN Z. IT'S GEN X VERSUS...
WELL, NOBODY REALLY CARES ABOUT GEN X.
ACCORDING TO NEW RESEARCH, RELATIONS BETWEEN THE YOUTHS AND
NOT-SO-YOUTHLY ARE TENSE BECAUSE THERE'S A HEATED DEBATE OVER
WHICH GENERATION HAS IT WORSE. THOUGH, MOST IN THE U.S. SAY
YOUNG ADULTS TODAY FACE MORE CHALLENGES THAN THEIR PARENTS'
GENERATION. AND BASED ON THE EPISODES OF
"EUPHORIA" THAT I'VE SEEN, YOUNG PEOPLE TODAY HAVE IT VERY HARD
DESPITE BEING BIZARRELY ATTRACTIVE.
I REMEMBER A TIME WHEN HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS LOOKED LIKE
THIS.
WHY ARE THERE TWO PHOTOS OF JACOB ELORDI UP THERE?
ONE OF THEM IS SUPPOSED TO BE ME.
THE STUDY FOUND THAT THE YOUTHS HAVE IT TOUGHER IN A VARIETY OF
CATEGORIES, INCLUDING SAVING FOR THE FUTURE, PAYING FOR COLLEGE,
AND BUYING A HOME. SO THIS IS ONLY AN ISSUE FOR
YOUNG PEOPLE WHO LIKE KNOWING THINGS, HAVING THINGS, AND
KNOWING WHERE TO HAVE THOSE THINGS.
PEEVED ABOUT THE HOME-BUYING
MARKET, WHERE BABY BOOMERS AND MILLENNIALS ARE IN A HOUSING
WAR, AND BOOMERS ARE WINNING BECAUSE THEY HAVE MORE CASH TO
WIN BIDDING WARS. MILLENNIALS DON'T HAVE ANY CASH.
EVIDENTLY, THEY JUST KEEP VENMOING EACH OTHER THE SAME
$200, AND SOMEHOW THAT'S KEEPING OUR ECONOMY AFLOAT.
I DON'T KNOW HOW IT WORKS.
BUT BOOMERS DO HAVE A PLAN TO TRANSFER THE WEALTH OF THEIR
GENERATION TO MILLENNIALS IN INCREMENTS OF $5 EVERY BIRTHDAY.
HARD, UNLESS YOU MAKE REALLY
SAFE CAREER CHOICES, LIKE IMPROV.
SO, IS IT REALLY TOUGHER FOR MILLENNIALS THAN IT IS FOR
BOOMERS? TO EXPLORE THIS ISSUE, PLEASE
WELCOME MY WRITER AND CERTIFIED YOUNG PERSON, ELIANA KWARTLER.
ELIANA KWARTLER, EVERYBODY. ELIANA, THANK YOU, LOVELY TO SEE
YOU. PLEASE, HAVE A SEAT.
>> THANK YOU. IT'S REALLY-- IT'S GREAT TO BE
HERE ON BEHALF OF MILLENNIALS, STEVE.
THE CHILDREN MUST BE HEARD. >> CHILDREN?
ELIANA, AT THIS POINT, YOU GOTTA BE LIKE, TWENTY-
>> DON'T SAY IT ON TV. >> WHAT YEAR WERE YOU
BORN? >> NINETEEN NINETY-NONE-O-YA
BIZNESS. >> ELIANA, EXPLAIN THIS
TO ME--
>> BECAUSE THIS IS A CONTEST BETWEEN THE GENERATIONS!
>> IT'S NOT A CONTEST!
POINT FOR ME! >> WHERE DID YOU EVEN
GET THAT? >> UH, THE INTERNET.
YA HEARD OF IT, GRANDPA?
I AM? >> A LADY NEVER TELLS.
>> SO, DO MILLENNIALS REALLY HAVE IT SO HARD, FINDING
PLACES TO LIVE? >> DO YOU KNOW HOW COMPETITIVE
THE HOUSING MARKET IS RIGHT NOW, STEVE?
>> NO, THAT'S WHY I ASKED YOU ABOUT IT.
>> IT'S SO COMPETITIVE THAT 90% OF MILLENNIALS ARE WILLING TO
BUY A HOME SIGHT UNSEEN. >> WOW.
>> YES, AND EVEN WHEN YOU TRY TO SEE A HOUSE, IT'S A NIGHTMARE.
I WENT TO MEET MY AGENT FOR A HOUSE TOUR, THEY PUT A BAG OVER
MY HEAD, THREW ME IN THE BACK OF A VAN, AND WOULDN'T LET ME GO
UNTIL MY FAMILY WIRED THEM A DOWN PAYMENT.
SURE YOU WERE KIDNAPPED.
>> I DUNNO, MAYBE. THE DUNGEON WAS OPEN CONCEPT, SO
I DID PUT IN AN OFFER.
RIGHT, THAT'S FINE, BUT THAT DOESN'T SOUND GOOD.
RISING PRICES ARE HARD FOR OLDER FOLKS, TOO. SOME OF THEM ARE
SELLING THEIR HOUSES TO PAY FOR RETIREMENT AND THEN HAVING TO
GET ROOMMATES. >> OH, I'M AWARE, STEVE.
MY FIANCE'S MOM HAS STARTED "JOKINGLY" ASKING IF SHE CAN
LIVE IN OUR GUEST ROOM. >> FOR REAL?
>> YES. THAT'S A REAL THING THAT'S
HAPPENING TO ME.
>> AM I LAUGHING?
MOVING IN, THEN YOU'RE GOING TO NEED A HOUSE WITH A GUEST ROOM.
YOU KNOW WHAT? HERE'S WHAT YOU DO.
FRIENDLY ADVICE. YOU ARE REALLY GOOD AT YOUR JOB.
YOU DESERVE A RAISE. YOU NEED TO GO TO YOUR BOSS AND
ASK FOR MORE MONEY. >> CAN I HAVE MORE MONEY?
>> NO. ELIANA KWARTLER, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH CLAIRE FOY AND PAUL BETTANY.
WELCOME BACK. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOU KNOW
MY GUESTS TONIGHT KNOW FROM "THE CROWN," "WANDAVISION," AND SO
MUCH MORE. THEY NOW STAR TOGETHER IN "A
VERY BRITISH SCANDAL." .
>> I'M GOING TO CARRY YOU. >> WHAT?
>> I'M GOING TO CARRY YOU ACROSS THE THRESHOLD.
>> NO, IAN, PLEASE. >> I WILL CARRY THE DUCHESS INTO
INVERARAY CASTLE. IT'S LIKE CARRYING A PIECE OF
WOOD. >> I'M SORRY, BUT I DON'T LIKE
IT. >> EVERYBODY IS LOOKING.
>> YOU'RE GOING TO DROP ME. >> I'M NOT GOING TO
DROP YOU. >> CAN YOU PLEASE PUT ME DOWN?
IAN.
>> THERE, YOU'RE DOWN. HAPPY?
>> PLEASE WELCOME, PAUL BETTANY AND CLAIRE FOY!
HELLO!
>> HELLO!
>> HELLO, EVERYONE. >> NICE TO HAVE SUCH
A GLAMOROUS DUO ON THE SHOW TONIGHT.
YOU TWO, THE SHOW IS CALLED "A VERY BRITISH SCANDAL."
IT'S ON THE AMAZON, THE PRIME VIDEO.
EVIE AND I GOBBLED IT DOWN, ALL THREE EPISODES ON SATURDAY.
ONCE WE STARTED, WE COULDN'T STOP.
YOU PLAY JUST THE MOST AWFUL PEOPLE WHO-- BUT ARE JUST-- IT'S
JUST SO WONDERFUL TO WATCH YOU BE AS AWFUL AS YOU ARE.
AND THESE ARE BASED ON REAL PEOPLE, RIGHT?
>> YES. >> YES.
>> BUT ON TOP OF THAT YOU PUT ON CHARACTER NAMES AT
THE SAME TIME. THIS IS A TRUE STORY OF A FAMOUS
DIVORCE BETWEEN A DUKE AND DUCHESS OF ARGYLL, RIGHT?
WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE? >> IT WAS SORT OF A PUBLIC TRAIN
WRECK WITH TEA. >> THIS WAS IN ALL OF
THE PAPERS. >> YES.
>> THIS WAS-- THIS WAS A HUGE SCANDAL.
THEY WERE SORT OF FAMOUSLY BON VIVANTS, RIGHT?
>> YES. >> WHEN YOU ACTUALLY
SHOT THIS, THAT SCENE WHERE HE'S CARRYING YOU INTO INVERARAY
CASTLE WHEN YOU FIRST GOT MARRIED.
YOU ACTUALLY SHOT AROUND INVERARAY CASTLE.
WHAT WAS THAT LIKE? BECAUSE IS THERE A PRESENT DUKE
WILL ARIL? >> YES, THERE IS.
AND HE WAS THERE. AND WHEN --
>> IS HE, LIKE, THE GRANDSON OR SOMETHING?
>> HE'S THE GRANDSON OF IAN, IAN CAMPBELL.
>> AND HE WAS REALLY GOOD WITH CATTLE, I SEEM TO REMEMBER.
HE HAD TO SORT OF SHOO IT CAMPBELL-- HE WAS GREAT WITH
CATTLE AND WHISKEY. >> HE WAS GOOD WITH
WHISKEY? >> HE HAS HIS OWN WHISKEY BRAND
CALLED... >> THE ROYAL SALUTE.
>> AND IT WAS AMAZING. AND HE GAVE US SOME.
IN FACT, HE LEFTINOUS A ROOM WITH SOME, AND HE SAID, "HERE'S
THE 300 POUND BOTTLE, HERE'S THE 600 POUND BOTTLE, HERE'S THE
2,000 POUND BOTTLE, AND YOU SHOULD START FROM HERE AND HE
LEFT. AND CLAIRE AND I WENT STRAIGHT
TO THE 2,000. >> AND NOW HE'LL KNOW THAT.
>> HEROIC PAUSE. >> IT WAS DELICIOUS!
>> IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE A HAUNTED CASTLE.
IT'S LIST AS ONE OF THE TOP FIVE HAUNTED CASTLES.
DID YOU SEE A GHOST? >> NO.
>> THE ONLY SPIRITS THEY CAME INTO CONTACT WITH WERE THE
DRINKS.
GHOSTS EITHER OF YOU? >> THE 2,000-POUND BOTTLE.
>> YES. >> DO YOU BELIEVE IN
THE SUPERNATURAL OR GHOSTS? >> VERY MUCH SO, YES.
>> DO YOU REALLY? >> YES.
DO YOU NOT? >> I DON'T KNOW ABOUT
GHOSTS. I BELIEVE IN A-- OH, THIS IS
GOING TO COME OUT WRONG. THIS IS GOING TO COME OUT WRONG.
>> DO IT. >> I WAS GOING TO SAY
I BELIEVE IN A SPIRIT REALM. THAT SOUNDS LIKE I'M ABOUT TO
SUMMON SOMETHING ON TO THE STAGE RIGHT NOW.
EXCUSE ME WHILE I SACRIFICE A GOAT.
THAT WOULD BE A FUN THING TO DO, TO HAVE A SEGMENT OF A SHOW
WHERE YOU DO OUIJA BOARDSES WITH STARS.
WILL YOU COME BACK AND OUIJA BOARD WITH STARS?
>> WHO KNOWS. IT'S LIKE "GHOSTBUSTERS" ISN'T
IT? >> WHAT'S YOUR NEXT ROLE.
>> YOU SHALL NOT WORK FOR A VERY LONG TIME.
>> CLAIRE, YOU PLAYED THE QUEEN IN "THE CROWN,"
BEAUTIFULLY, AS EVERYBODY HERE KNOWS.
THAT'S THE LAST TIME YOU WERE HERE TO TALK ABOUT THAT.
DUCHESS.
>> I MADE THE SAME JOKE! >> YOU DID MAKE THE SAME JOKE.
IT'S A GOOD ONE, GUYS. I MEAN, WHAT WILL BE NEXT, THEN?
>> UH, UH... >> MIDDLE LING TO LOW RANK --
>> A DAME. >> I LIKE THAT.
>> WHO DO YOU WOULD MAKE THE BETTER NOBLE IF YOU
GUYS COULD HAVE A NOBLE TITLE? WHICH DO YOU THINK IT WOULD BE?
>> I THINK IT WOULD BE YOU. >> OH, MY GOD!
>> WHY? >> LOOK AT HIM.
HE'S SO -- >> YOU'RE SO LONG?
IS THAT PART OF IT? >> HE LOOKS BETTER, DOESN'T HE?
HE LOOKS MORE DEBONAIR. >> THAT'S JUST NOT TRUE.
>> HE DOES NOT LOOK BETTER THAN YOU.
I AM A PROFESSIONAL.
A BREAK TO PAY SOME BILLS HERE, BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, I WILL
ASK PAUL WHETHER WE MIGHT SEE HIS CHARACTER FROM "WANDAVISION"
AGAIN ANY TIME SOON. STICK AROUND.
MAKING SOME NOTES. WE'RE BACK WITH THE STARS OF "A
VERY BRITISH SCANDAL," PAUL BETTANY AND CLAIRE FOY.
PAUL, I'M CONTRACTUALLY OBLIGATED TO ASK YOU ABOUT
"WANDAVISION." >> OH, YEAH.
>> OKAY?
USUALLY I'M NOT VERY FORECAST COMING ON THIS STUFF.
BUT I LOVE YOU, AND I'M GOING TO TELL YOU ANYTHING YOU WANT TO
KNOW. >> CAN YOU RAIN AND
WHAT'S GOING ON IN THESE PHOTOS RIGHT HERE?
>> OH, .
YES, I CAN. THEY MADE A BUST OF ME IN ORDER
THAT THEY COULD LIGHT SCENES WHEN I WASN'T THERE.
I DON'T KNOW WHY THEY DIDN'T JUST USE THIS IN THE ACTUAL
SCENE. WE HAVE A SIMILAR SORT OF
WOODEN, YOU KNOW, QUALITY. AND I STOLE IT, SO THAT I COULD
TAKE IT HOME TO MY COUNTRY HOUSE AND THIED WHEN PEOPLE CAME OVER
TO STAY, HIDE IT IN THEIR TOILETS.
>> AND...
>> YES. >> AND THIS IS MY
FAVORITE. I LOVE THE IDEA OF A GUEST GOING
INTO THE GUEST ROOM OF YOUR HOUSE, AND THEN TURNING ON THE
LIGHT, AND SEEING THIS. >> YEAH.
>> JUST LAST QUESTION
ON THIS. THE NEW "DR. STRANGE" IS COMING
OUT. WANDA'S IN THAT.
HAVE YOU RECENTLY BEEN IN SPANDEX AND PAINTED WHITE?
>> THIS IS REALLY GRATE GREAT QUESTION.
AND, AGAIN, I SAID I WAS GOING TO BE ENTIRELY HONEST WITH YOU.
YOU'RE ASKING IF I WAS IN -- >> IS WHITE VISION--
>> AM I IN "DR. STRANGE? YES, NO, YES, NO, YES, NO.
I DON'T KNOW. AM I?
WHAT DO YOU THINK? >> MY INSTINCT IS YES.
>> I CAN NEITHER CONFIRM NOR DENY RUMORS THAT I AM IN SAID
AND AFOREMENTIONED "DR. STRANGE."
>> CLAIRE, ARE YOU IN "DR. STRANGE 2."
>> YES. >> PAUL, YOU DROPPED
OUT OF SCHOOL WHEN YOU WERE 16. >> I WAS STUPID.
>> BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T LIKE IT.
WHAT DID HE SAY, BECAUSE HE'S STUPID?
CLAIRE, EUM NOT AWARE OF YOUR EDUCATIONAL BACKGROUND AND NOR I
DO NEED TO KNOW BECAUSE BOTH OF YOU SOUND SO SMART.
DOES THAT COME IN HANDY, FOOLING US YANKS.
>> ABSOLUTELY. I FOOLED MY WIFE THINKING I READ
BOTH VOLUMES OF "REMEMBRANCE OF THINGS PAST," JUST BECAUSE I HAD
AN ACCENT AND GLASSES. SHE CLEARLY THOUGHT I WAS WENT
TO OX BRIDGE. >> THAT'S A GOOD ONE.
THAT'S A GOOD ONE. >> IT'S REALLY AWFUL TO, YOU
KNOW, KIND OF SEE THE SLOW DAWNING AWARENESS OF HOW STUPID
I-- I... I'M ILL EDUCATED.
>> PICKING OUT THE LETTERS ON YOUR MENU AS YOU PICK
OUT WHAT THE SIDES ARE. >> I HAVE TO GET HER TO RETYPE
MY TAX BECAUSE I CAN'T PUNCTUATE, I CAN'T SPELL.
>> SOME WITH THAT ACCENT ARE SMART.
THAT HIDELLSTON SON OF A BITCH, IS NOT ONLY LIKE YOU PEOPLE BUT
WAS FIRST IN CAMBRIDGE WITH LAT AND I KNOW GREEK.
DOES THAT MAKE YOU MAD? >> YES.
>> YOU DON'T NEED AN EDUCATION TO BE AN ACTOR?
>> NO. >> IT'S BETTER IF YOU
TRAVEL A LITTLE LIGHT, ISN'T IT? >> LET SOMEBODY ELSE HAVE A JOB.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? LET SOMEBODY STUPID STUPID HAVE
A JOB IN ACTING. WHAT'S HE DOING, YOU KNOW?
>> HAVE A WORD. >> I WILL HAVE A WORD WITH HIM.
>> DO YOU HAVE CHILDREN CLAIRE?
>> I DO HAVE ONE OF THEM, YES. >> IS SHE-- OR HE.
I'M GUESSING. >> IT'S A SHE.
>> IS SHE IN SCHOOL YET?
>> YES, THANK GOD NOW THAT COVID IS HOPEFULLY-- SHE CAN GO TO
SCHOOL NOW. SHE COULDN'T GO TO SCHOOL FOR A
VERY HARD TIME. >> IS THAT HARD TO
LET THE KIDS GO OFF? >> NOPE.
ISN'T IT GREAT THAT THEY'RE BACK IN SCHOOL!
>> IT IS. >> IT'S EXTRAORDINARY.
>> IT IS LOVELY. PAUL, SINCE YOU DROPPED OUT, DO
YOU HAVE-- DO YOU FEEL GUILTY SENDING YOUR CHILDREN OFF TO
SOMETHING THAT YOU GAVE UP ON?
JUST-- IT'S JUST A FAIR QUESTION.
>> IT'S A VERY FAIR QUESTION. I HAD A VERY HARD TIME IN
SCHOOL. I WAS VERY BULLIED.
AND, ACTUALLY, ON THE NIGHT BEFORE MY ELDEST SON WENT TO
SCHOOL, MY WIFE-- I WAS PUTTING HIM TO BED.
MY WIFE CAME IN AND I WAS TEACHING HIM HOW TO PUNCH.
AND HE WENT-- SHE WENT, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
AND I WENT, "I'M TEACHING OUR SON HOW TO PUNCH."
AND SHE WENT, "WHY?" AND I SAID,"HE'S GOING TO
SCHOOL." SHE SAID, "I'VE NEVER-- I WENT
TO THE SAME SCHOOL, AND I NEVER SAW ANYBODY GET BULLIED OR A
FIGHT AT THAT SCHOOL." AND I WAS FILLED WITH THIS HUGE
SENSE OF RELIEF. AND THEN CUT TO ABOUT FIVE YEARS
LATER, HE CAME HOME AND HE SAID, "I'VE BEEN BULLIED AT SCHOOL."
AND HE WAS JUST-- I WAS FURIOUS. AND I SAID, WHORVINGS IT?
WHO WAS IT?" HE SAID, s, IT WAS THIS KID
CALLED MARK." THE NEXT MORNING I DROVE HIM TO
SCHOOL AND IT WAS LIKE A STAIB OUT, I HAD COFFEE-- I DIDN'T
HAVE A CIGARETTE. IT WAS LIKE "HILL STREET BLUES."
AND I SAID, "POINT HIM OUT." AND I WAS GOING TO GO OUT AND
FIGHT THE KID. A 10-YEAR-OLD.
I SAID, "POINT HIM OUT." HE SAID, "IT'S MARK."
AND I SAID, "WHICH ONE?
THERE ARE 200 KIDS OUTSIDE THE SCHOOL.
TELL ME WHICH ONE IT IS." HE SAID, "THE ONE WITH THE
CELLO. I SAID, "GET OUT OF THE CAR."
IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO BE BULLIED BY A KID WITH A CELLO.
YOU YOU CAN'T BE BULLIED BY A CELLIST.
>> SOUND WISDOM. DON'T FORGET TO TELL YOUR
DAUGHTER THAT. >> I WILL.
>> CLAIRE, FALL, WHAT A DELIGHT.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE.
>> THANK YOU. >> THANK YOU.
LOVELY TO SEE YOU. "A VERY BRITISH SCANDAL" IS
AVAILABLE NEXT FRIDAY ON PRIME VIDEO.
IT'S PAUL BETTANY AND CLAIRE FOY.
THEY SOUND SO SMART. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A
CELEBRATION OF GILBERT GOTTFRIED.
WELCOME BACK! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, s LIKE A
LOT OF YOU, I'M SURE, I WAS SADDENED TO LEARN YESTERDAY OF
THE DEATH OF A FRIEND OF THE SHOW, LEGENDARY COMEDIAN,
GILBERT GOTTFRIED. HE PASSED AWAY AT THE AGE OF 67.
AND MY REACTION TO THAT NEWS WAS THE SAME TO MY REACTION TO MANY
THAT'S TOO SOON I LOVED GILBERT'S COMEDY EVER
SINCE I SAW HIM ON "LETTERMAN" WHEN I WAS 20, AND I WAS
THRILLED TO MEET GILBERT, INTERVIEW GILBERT, DO BITS WITH
GILBERT SEVERAL TIMES ON THE SHOW.
AND I WAS ALWAYS IMPRESSED BY HIS ABILITY TO TELL A JOKE, NO
MATTER HOW INAPPROPRIATE IT MAY HAVE SEEMED.
THERE'S AN OLD SAYING THAT COMEDY IS TRAGEDY PLUS TIME,
TO WHICH GILBERT OFTEN SAID, WHY WAIT?
WHY THERE WERE SEVERAL TIMES IN
THE PAST FEW YEARS WHEN WE'D THINK OF A BIT THAT WAS SO
VULGAR, SO INAPPROPRIATE, THAT IT WOULD ONLY WORK IF GILBERT
WAS WILLING TO JOIN US FOR IT. AND LAST SUMMER, WE HAD AN IDEA
FOR A BIT ABOUT HOW "BRIDGERTON" WAS PLANNING TO MAKE THEIR NEW
SEASON JUST AS SPICY AS THE FIRST SEASON.
OUR SCRIPT WAS DIRTY, IT WAS STUPID, IT WAS UNDIGNIFIED.
AND GILBERT SAID "SURE." SO IN A TRIBUTE TO MR.
GOTTFRIED, WE'D LIKE TO SHARE WITH YOU THE LAST BIT HE
DID WITH US. JIM.
>> LAST SEASON, LONDON LEARNED THE ONE THING THAT CANNOT BE
ARRANGED IS LOVE. AND WHILE WE BID ADIEU TO ONE WE
BURNED FOR, A NEW LORD HAS ARRIVED TO SET HEARTS AFLAME.
>> IT'S ME, ING LORD CHAUNCEY! >> WE TURN TO A TIME WHEN LOVE
CONQUERED ALL. >> I AM TIRED OF PRETENDING!
AND I CANNOT CONTINUE ACTING AS IF I...
AS IF I DO NOT LOVE YOU. >> HOT DAMN!
LOOKS LIKE TONIGHT'S MENU IS PORKING WITH A SIDE OF SIDE
BOOB! >> A TYPE OF DESIRE.
>> I HEREBY KNIGHT THEE SIR BOINKS A LOT.
NOW ARISE. >> A TIME OF THE HEART.
>> I LOVE ALL OF YOU. EVERY SCAR.
EVERY FLAW. EVERY IMPERFECTION.
>> YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT THE RASH ON MY BALLS, RIGHT?
THE APOTHECARY SAID JUST SLATHER ON THIS.
A HAND, MY LADY, DOWN IN SOUTH SUSSEX?
>> A TIME OF THIS. >> THERE ARE OTHER THINGS,
PHYSICAL, PERHAPS INTANGIBLE, THAT BRING A COUPLE TOGETHER.
>> TIME TO DROP PANTALOONS AND SHOW THE WORLD MY JUICY BUNCH!
YOU LIKE? IT'S NOT EVEN BLURRED.
AT MY AGE, MY ASS JUST LOOKS LIKE THAT.
>> NECESSARY SEASON, GIRD LORD LOINS.
>> IT'S JOLLY OLD ENGLAND, AND I'VE GOT A...
>> THANK YOU, GILBERT.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
>> HERE PERFORMING, "DANCE AND SING"
FROM THEIR ALBUM, "DOWN IN THE WEEDS WHERE THE
WORLD ONCE WAS," BRIGHT EYES!
LIKE IT AIN'T THE END
YOUR LIFE IS DEPENDING ON IT
AND WE'RE TAKING IT IN
RUSE
SEE THE COLD MOON HANGING
LIKE THE PENNANT ABOVE
WITH THE PROMISE RING LOVE
AT THE CARNIVAL 'CAUSE
PROOF
I SHED SOME TEARS FOR HIM
I'LL NEVER DO IT AGAIN
WHAT WAS HAPPENING
NEWS
I'LL GRIEVE
WHAT I HAVE LOST
HOW IMPERFECT LIFE CAN BE
IS JUST DANCE
SEE THE COAST GUARD COMING,
SAVE THE DROWNING MEN
THEY ABANDONED SHIP
WITH STARTS AND FITS
DUME
MAKES NO SENSE TO TRY
PUT MORE WOOD ON THE FIRE
¡CAUSE WE'LL PROBABLY
BE HERE A WHILE
TRUTH
YOUR CHEE AWAY
MAKE AN EXAMPLE OUT OF ME
IS JUST DANCE ON THROUGH
GOT A DIAMOND COLD HEART
AND I GOT IT IN SPADES
LIKE AN AUDIO SLAVE
LIKE A KID AT A RAVE
PAINT
WANT TO TAKE ME TO TASK
SO I'D RATHER NOT ASK
AND I'M SPINNING IT FAST
PLAYS
MY WORRIED MIND
PASSING THROUGH TIME
YOU CAN DECIDE
ON THE FIRING LINE
IS JUST DANCE ON THROUGH
WITH EVERY STEP THAT WAS )
EVERYBODY! GOODNIGHT THAT'S IT FOR THE LATE
SHOW. TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUEST
WILL BE HUGH LAURIE. JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT.
GOODNIGHT.