>> ON A RECENT EPISODE OF THE TIM FERRISS PODCAST, FACEBOOK
C.E.O. MARK ZUCKERBERG REVEALED THAT HIS EMPLOYEES REFER TO HIM
AS "THE EYE OF SAURON." BUT HE INSISTS IT'S A
COMPLIMENT. >> I MEAN, SOME OF THE FOLKS WHO
I WORK WITH AT THE COMPANY-- THEY SAY THIS LOVINGLY-- BUT I
THINK THAT THEY SOMETIMES REFER TO MY ATTENTION AS "THE EYE OF
SAURON."
WELCOME. I HEARD SOME OF YOU-- AND I KNOW
YOU SAY THIS LOVINGLY-- REFER TO ME AS "THE EYE OF SAURON," A
DISEMBODIED FLAMING EYE, WHOLLY EVIL, WHOSE GAZE IS A WINDOW
INTO NOTHINGNESS.
THANKS. I'VE ALSO HEARD SOME ADDITIONAL
AFFECTIONATE NICKNAMES FOR ME, INCLUDING THE DEVIL'S BUNG HOLE.
VOLDEMORT'S I.T. GUY, AND ROBOTIC DOUCHEBAG.
>> IT'S "THE LATE
SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
PLUS,
ANDERSON COOPER AND MUSICAL GUEST THOMAS RHETT
FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY
HUMAN.
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK
CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
>> THANK YOU VERY
MUCH! OH, HEY!
SURPRISE, YOU GOT ME THIS TIME. HELLO, JON.
WHAT'S UP? HELLO, GOOD TO SEE YOU.
WHAT'S UP, JOE? WHAT'S UP, LOUIS?
HEY, THANK YOU SO MUCH, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME, WELCOME, ONE AND ALL, UP HERE, DOWN THERE, ALL AROUND,
WELCOME, ONE AND ALL, TO "THE LATE SHOW"."
I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. FOLKS, IF YOU'VE BEEN PAYING
ATTENTION TO THE NEWS THIS WEEK, I'M SO SORRY, BECAUSE THERE IS
NOW A MOUNTAIN OF EVIDENCE THAT RUSSIA HAS ENGAGED IN A SERIES
OF BRUTAL WAR CRIMES. SO, IN RESPONSE, TODAY, THE U.S.
ANNOUNCED NEW SANCTIONS ON RUSSIAN FINANCIAL INSTITUTIONS
AND INDIVIDUALS. GOOD!
I HOPE IT MAKES A DIFFERENCE. BUT AT THIS POINT, THERE ARE SO
MANY SANCTIONS ON RUSSIA, WE MIGHT RUN OUT OF PLACES TO PUT
THEM. WE'LL HAVE TO START SANCTIONING
THEM IN THE MULTIVERSE.
TRANSACTIONS WITH RUSSIAN BANKS IN THE DIMENSION WHERE
SPIDER-MAN IS TOBEY MAGUIRE.
OTHER THINGS, BAN ALL NEW INVESTMENT IN RUSSIA.
WELL, YOU GOT TO. OTHERWISE, THEIR SOARING
ECONOMY IS AN IRRESISTIBLE CASH MAGNET.
BEFORE THE WAR STARTED--
BEFORE--
READY TO PUT ALL MY MONEY INTO THEIR HOT NEW RIDE-SHARING
APP, TUBER.
YES, TUBER.
"IS POTATO." IN ADDITION, THE ADMINISTRATION
HAS IMPOSED WHAT'S KNOWN AS "FULL BLOCKING SANCTIONS"
ON RUSSIA'S LARGEST PRIVATE BANK, ALFA BANK, AND ITS
LARGEST FINANCIAL INSTITUTION, SBERBANK.
THAT'S "SBERBANK," AND NOT, AS I ORIGINALLY READ IT,
"SPERM-BANK," WHICH IS THE ONE BANK WHERE YOU WANT YOUR ASSETS
FROZEN. THE PACKAGE--
THERE YOU GO.
THE PACKAGE ALSO INCLUDES SANCTIONS ON VLADIMIR PUTIN'S
ADULT CHILDREN. HE HAS ACKNOWLEDGED TWO
DAUGHTERS. AND THAT'S JUST WHAT EVERY CHILD
WANTS TO HEAR. "I LOVE YOU, DADDY!"
"I ACKNOWLEDGE YOU, TOO."
BILLIONAIRES, TESLA C.E.O. AND STAR OF "DOUCHE CASSIDY AND
THE CRYPTO KID," ELON MUSK. AFTER YEARS OF TWEETING SILLY
MEMES AND BAD TAKES, WHILE AT THE SAME TIME CONSTANTLY
CRITICIZING TWITTER'S BUSINESS PRACTICES, THIS WEEK, MUSK
BOUGHT A 9.2% STAKE IN TWITTER, MAKING HIM THE LARGEST
SHAREHOLDER. WAIT A SECOND!
SO, IF HE DOESN'T LIKE HOW A CORPORATION OPERATES, HE JUST
BUYS IT? HOW MUCH MORE EVIDENCE DO WE
NEED THAT HE'S TURNING INTO A
"WHAT? GUAC IS EXTRA?
THEN THIS CHIPOTLE IS NOW MINE! MWAHAHAH!
WOOO!
AAAH! NOW, WHERE DO I GET MY FREE
REFILL? MUSK'S INVESTMENT IMMEDIATELY
CAUSED A SPIKE IN THE COMPANY'S STOCK PRICE.
IN FACT, MUSK HAS ALREADY MADE $800 MILLION ON HIS TWITTER
INVESTMENT. $800 MILLION IS THE MOST MONEY
EVER MADE OFF TWITTER WITHOUT SELLING PICTURES OF YOUR
FEET.
MAYBE YOU LIKE A LITTLE HAMMERTOE?
HIS SPENDING SPREE WAS A POLL
ASKING, "DO YOU WANT AN EDIT BUTTON?"
SURE! I MEAN, I'D RATHER YOU CANCEL
THE ACCOUNTS OF ALL THE NAZIS, BUT AN EDIT BUTTON WOULD BE
NICE.
TWITTER RESPONDED--
SURPRISINGLY, "WE'VE BEEN WORKING ON THE EDIT
FEATURE SINCE LAST YEAR," ADDING, "NO, WE DIDN'T GET THE
IDEA FROM A POLL, WINK EMOJI." OKAY, I BELIEVED YOU UNTIL THE
WINK EMOJI. WINK EMOJIS DON'T LEND CREDENCE
TO ANY STATEMENT. NO ONE'S GOING TO DEPOSIT MONEY
IN A BANK THAT SAYS, "WE PROMISE NOT TO BLOW YOUR LIFE SAVINGS ON
COCAINE AND HOOKERS. WINK!"
IN OTHER-- IN OTHER-- COCAINE
AND HOOKERS! I'M AGAINST IT.
IN OTHE MUSKY NEWS, RECENTLY,
ELON WAS IN BERLIN FOR THE OPENING OF HIS NEW TESLA
GIGAFACTORY. AND AFTERWARDS, HE DECIDED TO
CELEBRATE WITH A VISIT TO THE CITY'S MOST NOTORIOUS TECHNO
SEX CLUB CALLED THE KITKAT CLUB. OKAY, BUT GIVE HIM A BREAK.
GIVE HIM A BREAK.
NOW--
NO ONE KNOWS WHAT MUSK WORE, BUT THE KITKAT CLUB'S DRESS CODE
INCLUDES LEATHER, LATEX, LINGERIE, FANCY DRESS, SWIMMING
GEAR, SUPERHERO OUTFITS, OR COMPLETE NUDITY.
THAT IS A DARING MIX. NOTHING SAYS SEXY LIKE A NAKED
BATMAN WEARING RUBBER GLOVES AND A SNORKEL.
SNORKEL COMES IN HANDY.
YOU'RE GOING TO WANT THE SNORKEL, OR ONE OF THOSE NOSE
CLIPS. THE KITKAT CLUB WAS JUST THE
FIRST STOP FOR WHAT SOME ARE CALLING "A SEX CLUB CRAWL."
DO NOT CRAWL THROUGH A SEX CLUB.
THAT'S NOT SPILLED BEER.
THIS IS-- THIS IS A HANDY TIP!
TRUST-- GO AHEAD, CRAWL. DO WHAT YOU WANT.
MUSK'S TOUR WAS CUT SHORT AT THE FAMOUSLY EXCLUSIVE BERLIN
NIGHTCLUB BERGHAIN, PROMPTING SPECULATION THAT HE HAD BEEN
DENIED ENTRY. OH, YOU'RE KIDDING!
I DON'T CARE HOW EXCLUSIVE BERGHAIN MAY BE!
WHAT CLUB WOULDN'T WANT THIS ON THEIR DANCE FLOOR?
LADIES, LADIES, THAT'S ALSO HOW HE MAKES LOVE.
"DO YOU LIKE THIS, BABY?
YOU LIKE THIS? I JUST BOUGHT 10% OF TWITTER."
I CAN DO THIS ALL NIGHT LONG.
RICHEST MAN WHO'S EVER LIVED! CONTINUING WITH TONIGHT'S
BILLIONAIRE THEME, THERE'S NEWS ABOUT FACEBOOK FOUNDER, MARK
ZUCKERBERG, SEEN HERE UNABLE TO IDENTIFY THE PICTURES THAT
CONTAIN STOP SIGNS.
HAD AN INTERESTING ANECDOTE
>> SOME OF THE FOLKS WHO I WORK WITH AT THE COMPANY, THEY SAY
THIS LOVINGLY, BUT I THINK THAT THEY SOMETIMES REFER TO MY
ATTENTION AS "THE EYE OF SAURON."
>> YES, SURE. THEY'RE COMPARING YOU TO THE
DARK LORD SAURON... LOVINGLY.
"THE GUYS AT THE OFFICE ADORE ME!
THEY CALL ME EVIL INCARNATE. EL DIABLO.
JARED FROM SUBWAY. THEY SOMETIMES-- THIS
IS HOW AFFECTIONATE-- SOMETIMES THEY EVEN PUT THE
PICTURE OF MY FACE ON THEIR DARTBOARD.
AND WHENEVER THEY USE THE BATHROOM, THY CALL IT 'LEAVING
MY MARK.'" >> OH, MY GOSH!
>> HE'S GOING TO DESTROY DEMOCRACY!
IN STATE GOVERNMENT NEWS, TENNESSEE HAS INTRODUCED A BILL
THAT WOULD ELIMINATE AGE REQUIREMENTS FOR MARRIAGE.
THIS BILL IS BEING SPONSORED BY REPUBLICAN REPRESENTATIVE AND
MAN WHOSE PORN NAME IS HIS ACTUAL NAME...
THAT'S WHY YOU GOTTA USE
SUNSCREEN.
I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE SHOOTING OUTSIDE.
TENNESSEANS OF ANY AGE COULD BE
COMMON LAW MARRIED, WHICH IS EXTRA WILD CONSIDERING THAT,
UNDER CURRENT TENNESSEE LAW, IT'S ALREADY LEGAL TO GET
MARRIED AS YOUNG AS 17. OKAY, THAT'S TOO YOUNG TO GET
MARRIED! ITS, TOO YOUNG TO VOTE, RENT A
CAR, AND TOO YOUNG TO-- AND THIS IS TRUE-- OPERATE A DELI SLICER
AT A GROCERY STORE. CALL ME OLD-FASHIONED, BUT I
SAY, NO MATRIMONY TILL YOU SLICE BALONEY.
AND HERE-- OH, OH!
>> YOU GOT TO SLICE THAT BALONEY.
SLICE IT GOOD. >> THIN, LIKE IT
THIN, BABY. THERE YOU GO.
BUT HERE'CHILD
MARRIAGE WASN'T THE PURPOSE OF THIS BILL.
THE REAL GOAL WAS TO ESTABLISH COMMON LAW MARRIAGES IN THE
STATE AS BEING BETWEEN "ONE MAN AND ONE WOMAN."
UGH, DON'T YOU HATE WHEN YOU'RE TRYING TO WRITE A HOMOPHOBIC
BILL AND ALL PEOPLE FOCUS ON IS HOW YOU ACCIDENTALLY LEGALIZED
BABY WEDDINGS?
THESE DAYS, AND SO IS THE COVID CRAY-CRAY, BECAUSE RIGHT-WING
ACTIVISTS HAVE LAUNCHED AN AMATEUR GRAND JURY TO VOTE ON
WHETHER TO INDICT DR. ANTHONY FAUCI.
OKAY, I WANT TO POINT OUT THAT ALL JURIES ARE AMATEUR.
IT'S TOUGH TO GO PRO ON $23 A DAY.
THIS AMATEUR GRAND JURY IS A LIVE-STREAMED EVENT LATER THIS
MONTH THAT'S BEING BILLED AS THE FAIR AND BALANCED WAY TO
DECIDE IF ANTHONY FAUCI SHOULD BE INDICTED.
WHY? QUOTE, "THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN,
AND HERE'S THE PROOF," FOLLOWED BY JUST THE WORDS
"VIDEO, EVIDENCE, DOCUMENTS." OH, MY GOD, ALL THREE COURT
WORDS? FAUCI'S IN REALY TROUBLE!
"YOUR HONOR, LAWYER. PROOF!
DOCUMENT. ALL RISE!
CASE CLOSED. IF IT PLEASE THE COURT, MAY I
APPROACH THE BAILIFF? YOU WANNA BUY SOME WEED?"
IT'S AN AMATEUR JURY.
WILL THEY AMATEUR ARREST ME? SO WHO ARE THESE GRAND JURORS?
WHY, IT COULD BE YOU! FOR AS LITTLE AS $25 AND AS MUCH
AS $10,000 TO BE A V.I.P. JUROR. IT'S PERFECT FOR ANYONE WHO'S
EVER THOUGHT, "I HATE JURY DUTY, BUT WHAT IF IT COST 10 GRAND?
WOULD I LIKE IT THEN?"
IN MIND BEFORE YOU PAY UP AND
BRING JUSTICE TO DR. FAUCI FOR CRIMES OF DOING SCIENCE.
ON ITS WEBSITE IN FAIRLY SMALL FONT, THEY CLARIFY THAT
AMERICA'S GRAND JURY IS A MOCK GRAND JURY.
IT HAS NO LEGAL AUTHORITY. ANTIVAXXERS LOVE IT, BUT IT
DOESN'T DO ANYTHING. IT'S THE HYDROXYCHLORIQUINE OF
JUSTICE!
BUT-- BUT-- TURNS OUT IT DOESN'T DO ANYTHING.
TURNS OUT IT DOESN'T-- >> DOESN'T DO NOTHING.
>> BUT IT'S STILL WORTH THE MONEY.
BECAUSE AT THE $2,500 JUROR LEVEL, YOU GET ONE-NIGHT ACCESS
TO MINGLE WITH ANTI-VACCINE CELEBS IN THE GRAND JURY'S GREEN
ROOM. YES, ALL THE HOTTEST
ANTI-VACCINE CELEBS! WE'RE TALKING ABOUT UNCLE BILL,
SUE THE BORAX GAL, AND OF COURSE, NIKKI MINAJ'S COUSIN'S
FRIEND'S GIANT BALLS. WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT. MY GUEST IS ANDERSON COOPER. BUT
WHEN WE COME BACK, "MEANWHILE"! JOIN US, WON'T YOU?
STAY HUMAN, EVERYBODY, RIGHT THERE.
THANK YOU. HEY, EVERYBODY.
HEY, IT'S LOVELY TO HAVE EVERYBODY BACK TOGETHER.
IT'S SO LOVELY. >> AAAHH!
>> JON, WE'VE GOT-- WE'VE GOT-- WE'VE GOT A NATIONAL
TREASURE ON HERE TONIGHT. ANDERSON COOPER IS GOING TO BE
HERE IN A LITTLE WHILE. >> ANDERSON COOPER, YES!
>> JUST A DELIGHTFUL-- JUST A DELIGHTFUL
FELLA. GREAT.
>> AND I JUST WANT TO SAY HOW GREAT THE BAND SOUNDS
AGAIN. I MEAN, IT'S WONDERFUL TO HAVE
YOU BACK. .
TO HAVE JOE BACK. I ALSO WANT TO POINT OUT, LOUIS
AND THE REST OF THE BAND SOUNDED AMAZING WHILE YOU GUYS WERE
GONE. WE MISSED YOU, BUT, BEGAN, YOU
GUYS DID AN AMAZING JOB KEEPING THIS BAND HOT WHILE YOU WERE OUT
OF THE EAST COAST AREA. >> THE BEST IN THE WORLD,
REALLY. >> HAVE YOU WON
ANYTHING RECENTLY, JON? YOU HAVE ONE ANYTHING-- ANYTHING
SINCE THE AGREEMENTS? ANYTHING SINCE THE GRAMMYS?
>> OH, NO, NOT SINCE SUNDAY.
>> OKAY, WELL. KEEP IT UP.
GOTTA KEEP IT UP, MAN. >> GOT TO KEEP IT
ROLLING. >> WE MITT ALL WIN
SOMETHING, I JUST FOUND OUT-- THIS IS EXCITING-- WE'RE
NOMINATED FOR THE WEBBYS, THE WEB AWARDS.
WE'VE ALREADY BEEN HONORED BY BEING HONORABLE FOR THE COMEDY
PODCAST CONTENT SERIES AND MUSIC VIDEO SIRIS WEBBYS.
BUT WE'RE NOMINATED FOR TWO WEBBY AWARDS THAT PEOPLE GET TO
VOTE ON. WE NEED YOUR VOTES ON THIS OUT
THERE. ONE IS INTERVIEW/TALK SHOW
PODCAST, WHICH WOULD BE OURS, "THE LATE SHOW" POD SHOW."
THAT'S ONE. WE'RE NOMINATED FOR THAT.
AND SOCIAL CONTENT SERIES, WHICH IS THE BEHIND-THE-SCENES VIDEO
WE PUT OUT EVERY WEEK. WHO IS LEADING IT NOW?
WHO IS NUMBER ONE? WHO ARE WE UP AGAINST IN
INTERVIEW POD CAT? JON STEWART.
YOU KNOW I LOVE JON STEWART. IT WOULD BE GREAT IF HE WON, BUT
IT WOULD BE EVEN BETTER IF WE DID.
. HERE'S THE THING-- NO HARD
FEELINGS. >> YEAH, NO HARD
FEELINGS. >> NO HARD FEELINGS
IF HE WINS AND NO HARD FEELINGS IF WE WIN.
IT'S THE WEBBYS, NOT THE FRIENDIES.
>> - FRIENDLY COMPETITION. >> - EXACTLY!
FRIENDLY COMPETITION. ANYWAY, GO DO, THAT PLEASE.
AND LINKS TO VOTE ARE PINNED ON OUR TWITTER PAGE, AND LISTEN TO
THE "LATE SHOW" PODCAST WHEREVER YOU GET THEM-- THE PHONE, THE
DELI. I'M NOT SURE WHERE YOU GET THEM.
YOU KNOW FOLKS, I SPEND A LOT OF TIME RIGHT OVER THERE, ISOLATING
THE BIGGEST, NEWSIEST STORIES OF THE DAY AND CONTAINING THEM
IN THE MOST TOPICAL CIRCULAR TUNNEL, WITH A CIRCUMFERENCE OF
26.7 KILOMETERS, AT A DEPTH RANGING FROM 50 TO 175 METERS.
THEN, I ADD TWO ADJACENT PARALLEL BEAM-LINES, WHICH
TRAVEL IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS AROUND THE RING, INTERSECTING AT
FOUR POINTS. I ADD 1,232 DIPOLE MAGNETS TO
KEEP THE BEAMS IN THEIR CIRCULAR PATH, WHILE AN ADDITIONAL 392
QUADRUPOLE MAGNETS ARE USED TO KEEP THE BEAMS FOCUSED, AND THEN
I ADD STRONGER QUADRUPOLE MAGNETS CLOSE TO THE
INTERSECTION POINTS IN ORDER TO MAXIMIZE THE CHANCES OF
INTERACTION WHERE THE TWO BEAMS CROSS, ALL SO I CAN SMASH JOKE
PROTONS AGAINST EACH OTHER AT NEAR THE SPEED OF LIGHT TO
GENERATE THE HIGGS BOSON HEAVY COMEDY PARTICLES THAT MAKE UP MY
NIGHTLY MONOLOGUE. BUT SOMETIMES, FOLKS, SOMETIMES
ABANDONED JUNKYARD, STRAPPED TO
THE CHASSIS OF WHAT USED TO BE A SCHOOL BUS.
I GNAW MYSELF FREE OF MY RESTRAINTS AND CLIMB ATOP A HILL
OF CRUSHED MAZDA MIATAS TO UTTER A CALL THAT CAN BE HEARD ONLY BY
THOSE IN THE MIDST OF A LIFE-CHANGING PEYOTE TRIP.
WITH MY FREAKS GATHERED ROUND, WE HOTWIRE AS MANY BURNT-OUT
'91 BUICK LESABRES AS WE CAN FIND TO ANIMATE A FLEET OF
FURY-ROAD-WORTHY LEMONS, THEN ROLL THEM TO THE ABANDONED
SUBWAY STATION BELOW CITY HALL, WHERE I LAUNCH THEM HEAD ON AT
TOP SPEED IN THE UNREGULATED HOTWHEELS COLOSSAL CRASH TRACK
MEANWHILE!
THAT'S A NEW RECORD.
IS THAT A NEW TIME RECORD. IS THAT THE LONGEST OF ALL TIME?
THAT IS-- THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE, "MEANWHILE.
THE ACTORS TO PLAY THE JOKER, HE
IS ONE OF THEM. WELL, NOW LETO IS STARRING IN
THE NEW COMIC BOOK MOVIE, "MORBIUS."
BUT TURNS OUT THAT LETO INSISTED ON USING THE CHARACTER'S
CRUTCHES, EVEN WHEN THE CAMERAS WEREN'T ROLLING, AND HIS METHOD
ACTING BECAME A PROBLEM ON SET. HE WAS
STILL METHOD ACTING FROM HIS ROLE FROM "HOUSE OF GUCCI."
"HELLO! I AM-A MORBIOUS.
I AM-A VERY SCARY VAMPIRE. AH-BOO!
I GONNA SUCK OUT-A YOU BLOOD. THATS-A SPICY JUGULAR VEIN!"
MEANWHILE, IN LITTER NEWS,
VOLUNTEERS PICKED UP A RECORD AMOUNT OF TRASH FROM NEW
JERSEY'S BEACHES LAST YEAR, TOTALING OVER HALF A MILLION
ITEMS, INCLUDING A CD HOLDER FILLED WITH ALBUMS BY LIMP
BIZKIT.
"ONE MAN'S TRASH... IS A CD HOLDER FILLED WITH
ALBUMS BY LIMP BIZKIT."
VOLUNTEERS ALSO FOUND A FULL SET OF DENTURES, A THONG, AND A FAKE
EYEBALL. OBVIOUSLY LEFT BEHIND BY THE
TOOTHLESS, ONE-EYED, VICTORIA'S SECRET MODEL, LONG JANE SILVER.
RUN-OF-THE-MILL TRASH ITEMS,
LIKE 3,211 TAMPON APPLICATORS-- OR AS THEY'RE CALLED LOCALLY--
AND THIS IS APPARENTLY TRUE-- JERSEY BEACH WHISTLES.
YOU KNOW WHERE THEY'
A JERSEY BEACH!
MEANWHILE, IN AN EFFORT TO MAKE ELECTRIC SCOOTERS SAFER FOR USE
IN CROWDED CITIES, THERE'S A NEW LINE OF E-SCOOTERS THAT STOP IF
YOU SPEED, MADE BY A COMPANY CALLED "SUPERPEDESTRIAN."
ALSO THE NAME OF THE LEAST POPULAR MARVEL CHARACTER.
ANDERSON COOPER.
WELCOME BACK. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY GUEST
TONIGHT IS A CNN ANCHOR AND A "60 MINUTES" CORRESPONDENT.
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," ANDERSON COOPER!
I LIKE CASUAL ANDERSON. >> YEAH.
>> WE DON'T ALWAYS GET CASUAL ANDERSON.
>> I DECIDED THAT'S WHO I'M GOING FOR.
>> VERY NICE. THE DECISION ABOUT THE COLLAR--
INSIDE THE SWEATER, OUTSIDE THE SWEATER.
>> ORIGINALLY I WAS GOING TO WEAR A WHITE T-SHIRT
UNDER THIS. AND I THOUGHT, YOU KNOW, FOR
STEPHEN, I'M GOING TO WEAR A COLLARED SHIRT.
>> THANK YOU. >> I QUESTIONED WHETHER I SHOULD
HAVE A TIE OR NOT, BUT I SAID, YOU KNOW, WHAT?
WE'RE SORT OF STILL IN COVID. YOU CAN'T EXPECT EVERYTHING.
>> THAT'S AN INSTANT MASK IF YOU NEED IT.
THAT'S WHAT I LIKE ABOUT THE TIE.
LAST TIME I SPOKE TO YOU, YOU WERE IN UKRAINE.
>> YES. >> AND WE ALL SEE THE
TERRIBLE NEWS COMING FROM THERE. WHAT IS IT LIKE TO, HAVING BEEN
ON LOCATION AND SEEING WHAT'S GOING ON IN A COUNTRY UNDER THIS
MONSTROUS INVASION, AND THEN TO COME BACK TO THE UNITED STATES
TO SORT OF WHAT YOU MIGHT CALL NORMAL LIFE?
>> YEAH. >> FOR YOU AND ALL
THE OTHER JOURNALISTS WHO HAVE GONE OVER THERE FROM CNN.
>> YEAH. >> WHAT IS THAT
EXPERIENCE LIKE? >> IT'S ALWAYS HARD.
I MEAN, THAT, YOU KNOW, THE FACT THAT YOU CAN BE IN ONE PLACE
WHERE HORRIFIC THINGS ARE HAPPENING AND GET ON A PLANE AND
IN A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME BE BACK HERE WHERE LIFE GOES ON AS
NORMAL, AND, YOU KNOW, PEOPLE ARE PAYING ATTENTION AND PEOPLE
KNOW ABOUT WHAT'S GOING ON, BUT IT'S-- IT'S A VERY STRANGE
THING. YOU FEEL GUILTY ABOUT LEAVING A
PLACE WHERE PEOPLE ARE SUFFERING, AND THEN --
>> KNOWING THEY CAN'T LEAVE.
>> RIGHT, KNOWING THEY CAN'T LEAVE, AND THAT YOU HAVE THIS
LUXURY OF BEING ABLE TO DROP IN AND LEAVE AND COME BACK TO YOUR
FAMILY AND, YOU KNOW, MY KIDS AR PROVIDED FOR AND MY FRIENDS
AREN'T, YOU KNOW, BURYING THEIR PARENTS IN THEIR BACK BACKYARDSD
THEY'RE NOT-- WE'RE NOT AT RISK OF HAVING OUR BUILDINGS BLOWN UP
AT NIGHT. ALL OF THAT-- IT'S A STRANGE
THING TO KIND OF GO BETWEEN. >> LET'S TALK ABOUT
THE HEARTBREAKING IMAGES WE'RE SEEING OUT OF BUCHA THIS WEEK.
AND THE CLEAR WAR CRIMES BEING PERPETRATED BY PUTIN'S FORCES
OVER THERE. DO YOU THINK THAT THAT WILL
ACTUALLY MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN THE INTERNATIONAL RESPONSE?
HAVE YOU HEARD ANY OF THAT IN YOUR REPORTING?
>> I DON'T THINK IT CHANGES THE FACTS ON THE GROUND IN TERMS OF
WHAT THE U.S. LEVEL OF SUPPORT IS.
OBVIOUSLY, WHAT IS HAPPENING, THE IMAGAGES THAT HAVE COME OUT
OF THIS TOWN BUCHA AND THINGS LIKELY HAPPENING IN OTHER TOWNS
AS WELL THAT RUSSIA HAS OCCUPIED, IT IS HORRIFIC, AND IT
CERTAINLY IS EVIDENCE OF WAR CRIMES.
AND THERE ARE ALREADY PROSECUTORS ON THE GROUND IN
UKRAINE LOOKING INTO THAT AND PEOPLE GATHERING EVIDENCE
SCPAWLT PICTURES WE SEE ON THE NEWS, ALL OF THAT IS POTENTIAL
EVIDENCE IN AN INTERNATIONAL WAR CRIMES TRIAL, WHICH IS, YOU
KNOW, VERY POSSIBLE SOME TIME PROBABLY IN THE VERY DISTANT
FUTURE. I MEAN, USUALLY THESE THINGS
TAKE A LONG TIME. AND THERE'S NO WAY TO, YOU KNOW,
ARREST VLADIMIR PUTIN AS LONG AS HE STAYS IN RUSSIA.
BUT I DON'T KNOW THAT IT CHANGES THE WILLINGNESS OF THE U.S. TO,
YOU KNOW, TO PROVIDE DIFFERENT FORM OF WEAPONRY OR PROVIDE
DIFFERENT KINDS OF SUPPORT ON THE GROUND OR EUROPEAN COUNTRY
S. >> SO WE-- WE HERE
IN THE UNITED STATES AND IN WESTERN DEMOCRATIC REPUBLICS,
HAVE ACCESS TO THAT INFORMATION. FROM WHAT YOU KNOW OF YOUR
CONTACTS IN RUSSIA AND THE PEOPLE THAT YOU'VE SPOKEN TO
OVER IN UKRAINE, WHAT ARE THE RUSSIAN PEOPLE GETTING?
AND HOW IRONCLAD IS THIS BUBBLE THEY'RE IN?
>> THEY'RE IN A BUBBLE. THEY'RE-- THEY'RE -- YOU KNOW,
UNLESS YOU HAVE ACCESS TO A V.P.N. LINE AND CAN GET
INFORMATION THAT'S NOT ACCESSIBLE TO ORDINARY RUSSIANS,
YOUR NEWS IS SILOED IN RUSSIA. AND THERE'S A LOT OF SUPPORT
FROM VLADIMIR PUTIN, AND THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE EVEN, IF
THEY KNEW WHAT WAS GOING ON IN UKRAINE, WOULD BE SUPPORTIVE OF
IT IN RUSSIA BECAUSE THEY SUPPORT PUTIN AND THEY BELIEVE
HIS PORTRAYAL OF EVENTS ON THE GROUND THERE.
I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MANY UKRAINIANS I SPOKE TO WHO HAVE A
PARENT IN RUSSIA, AND THEY'VE CALLED UP THEIR PARENT FROM A
BOMB SHELTER, YOU KNOW, AS THEIR BUILDING IS BEING DESTROYED TO
SAY-- YOU KNOW, TELL THEIR PARENT WHAT IS HAPPENING.
AND THE PARENT DOESN'T BELIEVE THEM, BECAUSE THE PARENT WATCHES
RUSSIAN NEWS AND THINKS, YOU KNOW, "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT? THERE'S NO REASON YOU NEED TO BE
IN A BOMB SHELTER. THEY'RE NOT ATTACKING
CIVILIANS." IT'S EXTRAORDINARY IN THIS DAY
AND AGE HOW INFORMATION CAN STILL BE SILOED.
I MEAN, LOOK, WE HAVE PLENTY OF PEOPLE IN THIS COUNTRY WHO
BELIEVE THE LAST ELECTION WAS STOLEN AND ATTACKING THE CAPITOL
WAS TOTALLY LEGITIMATE. SO MISINFORMATION IS EVERYWHERE
. HAVE THE ACCESS TO INFORMATION
HERE IF THEY WANT IT. THEY'RE JUST CHOOSING NOT TO
BELIEVE IT. THERE, PEOPLE DO NOT EVEN HAVE
ACCESS. >> WHAT ABOUT THE
IMPACT OF THE SANCTIONS OVER IN RUSSIA?
WE HEARD TODAY THAT THE ADMINISTRATION ANNOUNCED EVEN
MORE ECONOMIC SANCTIONS. >> RIGHT.
>> SOME INDIVIDUALS, SOME BANKING INSTITUTIONS.
>> VLADIMIR PUTIN'S TWO ACKNOWLEDGED DAUGHTER S.
>> EXACTLY. DO WE HAVE ANY SENSE OF--
THEY'RE TRYING TO FORCE, IT SEEMS, THEY'RE TRYING TO FORCE A
DEFAULT BY RUSSIA. REALLY IT WOULD BE ABSOLUTE
CRUSHING. IT COULD CRUSH THEIR ECONOMY FOR
A DECADE. IT'S ALREADY IN PRETTY BAD
SHAPE. RUSSIA IS ALREADY THE POOREST
EUROPEAN COUNTRY. DO WE HAVE ANY SENSE OF, "A,"
WHO THAT IS MOSTLY AFFECTING? AND "B" WHETHER THAT HAS ANY
EFFECT? CAN THE RUSSIAN PEOPLE IN ANY
WAY MANAGE UP? >> LOOK, THEY'VE IMPOSED HUGE
SANCTIONS ON RUSSIA, INFLATION IT RUSSIA --
>> UNPRECEDENTED SANCTIONS AND FASTER THAN EVER.
>> YES, ABSOLUTELY TRUE, AND EUROPE IS MORE UNIFIED, YOU
KNOW, WITH THE UNITED STATES, THE NATO ALLIANCE STRONGER THAN
EVER BEFORE. YOU KNOW, IN THIS, AS FOR NOW,
BUT LOOK, THE SANCTIONS-- THE INFLATION IS GOING THROUGH THE
ROOF IN RUSSIA. I SAW SOME ESTIMATES OF IT'S
GONE UP 2% EACH WEEK, s WHICH IS, YOU KNOW, PRETTY CRUSHING.
THAT BEING SAID, RUSSIA MAKES ABOUT $1 BILLION A DAY FROM OIL
AND GAS SALES, MOSTLY TO EUROPEAN NATIONS.
AND THE SANCTIONS HAVE NOT ATTACKED THOSE SALES SOAP AS
LONG AS RUSSIA IS MAKING $1 BILLION A DAY, THAT'S WHAT'S
FUNDING THE WAR. AND THAT'S NOT AN EASY SOLUTION
TO FIX. >> THAT'S LIKE SAYING
I'M GOING TO BOYCOTT THIS GAS STATION BY NOT BUYING THE AIR
FRESHENER. >> YES.
>> AND STILL GET THE GAS THERE.
>> THE UNITED STATES DOESN'T WANT ENERGY PRICES TO RISE
AROUND THE WORLD, BECAUSE THAT WILL FUEL INFLATION HERE.
SO THE UNITED STATES HAS, YOU KNOW, REASONS TO NOT GO AFTER
ENERGY SALES FROM RUSSIA FULLY. AND ALSO TO KEEP THE EUROPEAN
ALLIES TOGETHER, EUROPE-- MANY EUROPEAN COUNTRIES RECEIVE A
LARGE AMOUNT OF THEIR OIL AND GAS, OR EVEN NATURAL GAS FROM
RUSSIA. AND THAT'S, YOU KNOW, THAT'S
SOMETHING THAT IF YOU WANT TO KEEP THE ALLIANCE TOGETHER,
THEY'RE NOT ABLE TO GIVE UP SO EASILY.
SO THAT MONEY IS STILL FLOWING INTO RUSSIA.
WHATEVER THE SANCTIONS ARE-- THEY CERTAINLY HAVE BEEN VERY,
VERY HURTFUL TO THE RUSSIAN ECONOMY-- THERE IS STILL A LOT
OF MONEY COMING INTO MOSCOW. >> WE HAVE TO TAKE A
BREAK. BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, I WILL
ASK ANDERSON COOPER ABOUT LIFE WITH HIS NEW SON SEBASTIAN.
STICK AROUND.
>> HEY, EVERYBODY,
WE'RE BACK WITH CNN'S ANDERSON COOPER.
LET'S MOVE ON TO A HAPPIER SUBJECT.
>> OKAY, SURE. >> A MUCH HAPPIER
SUBJECT. >> HAPPY TO.
>> YOUR NEW SON, SEBASTIAN.
>> YES.
>> SO HERE'S SEBASTIAN.
THIS IS YOUR SON WYATT. >> SEBASTIAN IS EIGHT WEEKS OLD
TOMORROW, AND WYATT IS TWO YEARS OLD THE END OF APRIL, APRIL 27.
>> HOW DOES WYATT LIKE BEING A BIG BROTHER?
THAT CAN BE A ROUGH TRANSITION. >> YES, SO I WAS REALLY WORRIED
ABOUT THIS BECAUSE WHEN I WAS GROWING UP, WHEN I CAME, MY
BROTHER WAS TWO YEARS AND, LIKE, FOUR MONTHS OLDER.
AND EVERY CHILDHOOD PHOTO I HAVE IS I'M VERY HAPPY AS A LITTLE
BABY, AND MY BROTHER'S CHEWING THE INSIDE OF HER LIP.
LIKE, LEIF THIS PHOTO BECAUSE, LOOK, WE'RE BOTH IN THE SAME-- I
DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'D CALL IT-- LIKE, STROLLER, AND I'M JUST,
LIKE, SO FAT AND HAPPY LEANING AGAINST HIM.
HE'S LIKE, ," GET ME THE HELL OUT OF THIS THING WITH THIS
DISGUSTING CHILD." WITH WYATT I HAVE DONE A
DIFFERENT TACT. I'M DOING A SLOW ROLL WITH
SEBASTIAN. I DIDN'T WANT WYATT'S LIFE TO
SUDDENLY CAT CLIZ MACKLY CHANGE, AND THERE'S THIS CRYING BABY.
WYATT'S NOT ON TOP OF HIM EVERY DAY.
WE GO OUT A LOT AND STUFF. AND, ALSO, I HAVE STARTED DOING
THIS THING WITH WYATT WHERE WE BOTH SORT OF MAKE FUN OF
SEBASTIAN. SO WE HAVE THIS LITTLE-- I MEAN,
NOT IN A BAD WAY. >> GIVE ME AN
EXAMPLE. >> SO I STARTED DOING THIS THING
WHEN, LIKE, SEBASTIAN IS CRYING, I'LL LOOK-- LIKE, WYATT WILL
LOOK AT ME AND I'LL LOOK AT HIM AND GO, "WAAA, I'M'S BABY.
I'M CRYING. I'M CRYING."
>> THAT'S A REALLY GOOD BABY.
>> HE LIKES IT. AND HE DOES IT, TOO.
SEBASTIAN WILL BE CRYING AND WE BOTH LOOK AT EACH OTHER, "WAAH,
I'M A BABY, HE'S CRYING." >> YOU GUYS HAVE A
COMMON ENEMY. THAT'S WHAT IT IS.
YOU'RE GOING TO STOP THIS BEFORE THE CHILD UNDERSTANDS ENGLISH,
RIGHT? >> OF COURSE, OF COURSE I'M
GOING TO STOP IT. >> YOU WON'T KNOW,
YOU WON'T NECESSARILY KNOW WHEN HE'S GETTING IT.
>> HE'S IN ON IT. LOOK IN THE PHOT YOU SHOWED,
WHAT'S SO SWEET ABOUT IT IS NOW EVERY DAY THERE'S A LITTLE MORE
ADVANCEMENT. HE'LL COME AND HOLD SEBASTIAN'S
HAND WHILE I'M FEEDING SEBASTIAN.
THIS ONE HE TOOK THE BOTTLE AND STARTED FEEDING SEBASTIAN
HIMSELF. I WILL POINT OUT, NO MILK IS
GOING INTO MY BABY. HE'S JUST THERE FOR THE BABY.
"HERE I AM FEEDING THIS LITTLE BABY, BUT I'M NOT ACTUALLY
GIVING NOURISHMENT. THE.
>> TOTAL POSER. I HAVE ANOTHER PHOTOGRAPH.
WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE? THIS IS A HAPPY LITTLE
PHOTOGRAPH. >> THIS IS THIS IS WHILE I'M
AWAY, ANDIE SAID HE HAD HIS SON, BEN, AND MY SON WYATT WHO ARE
FRIENDS. WYATT CAME OVER TO SEE BEN AT
ANDIE'S SET. AND THEY SAT ON THE SET.
WHAT I LOVE ABOUT THIS PHOTO IS IT IS SO EXACTLY LIKE MINI-ME
VERSIONS OF ANDIE AND I. IF YOU LOOK, LOOK AT, LIKE, BEN
IS JUST SMILING, LIKE HE'S THE HOST, JUST LIKE ANDIE, ALWAYS
HAPPENING AND STIRRING .
AND I'M LIKE-- WHENEVER I'M A GUEST ON ANDIE'S SHOW, I'M
STAREATH HIM LIKE WITH SOME CONFUSION AND, LIKE --
>> "WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO ASK ME NEXT?
>> WHY DID I AGREE TO BE HERE? WHAT AM I DOING HERE?
>> BUT THEY HAVE FUN TOGETHER.
>> YES. AND THEY GOT REALLY DRUNK
TOGETHER. WHICH IS SAD.
. QUICK BREAK.
STICK AROUND. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE
ANDERSON COOPER, EVERYBODY.
LOOK HOW IT IS. IT'S ANDERSON COOPER.
STAR OF CNN+. IT ANDERSON COOPER, YOU'RE NOT
BUSY ENOUGH. >> YES, THAT'S RIGHT.
>> YOU HAVE "ANDERSON COOPER 360."
DO YOU HAVE STILL HAVE THE "360" THING?
>> EVERY WEEK DAY NIGHT. >> YOU HAVE TWO CNN+
SHOWS ONE IS NOT ENOUGH "PARENTAL GUIDANCE" AND
"ANDERSON COOPER FULL CIRCLE." >> "FULL" IS FUN INTERESTING
PEOPLE TO TALK BWRITERS WHO HAVE COME ON AND JUST INTERESTING
PEOPLE. >> EXPLAIN THIS TO
ME, PLEASE, IF YOU DON'T MIND. >> YES.
>> WHAT IS CNN+? BECAUSE, HERE'S THE THING.
I SEE ADS FOR IT ON CNN ALL THE TIME.
>> RIGHT, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. >> MY UNDERSTANDING
IF I GO TO CNN+, THAT'S NOT CNN. THAT'S PLUS.
>> IT'S A STREAMING SERVICE. >> BUT IT DISNEYIS
DISME. >> YOU GET CNN PEOPLE, YOU GET
ME, WOLF BLITZER, JAKE TAPPER AND A WHOLE BUNCH OF OTHER --
>> CAN I WATCH CNN CNN+?
>> YOU CAN WATCH OTHER STUFF ON CNN, OTHER THAN --
>> OTHER THAN CNN. >> THERE'S NEWSCASTS.
WOLF HAS HIS OWN NEWSCAST FOR CNN+.
>> YOU GOT IT ALL UP--
>> "PARENTAL GUIDANCE," WHERE I DO INTERVIEWS WITH PEOPLE
ABOUT-- I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BE A PARENT.
>> ARE YOU GUIDING OR ARE THEY GUIDING YOU.
>> NO, I'M NOT GUIDING! HOW WOULD I BE GUIDING.
I'M ASKING QUESTIONS YOU. >> HAVE TWO CHILDREN
PUP KNOW AS MUCH AS ANYBODY ELSE AT THIS POINT.
>> NO, I DON'T. >> THERE IS NO OTHER
TRAINING THAN HAVING A CHILD. EVERYONE CAN TELL YOU WHAT IT'S
LIKE TO BE A PARENT. IT MEANS NOTHING UNTIL YOU ARE A
PARENT. IT IS ALL UNTIL YOU
HAVE A BABY. >> THAT'S TRUE.
>> YES. >> AND ALSO --
>> IT'S TRUE, IT'S TRUE.
>> I READ EYE BOUGHT ALL THESE PARENTING BOOKS, AND I NEVER GOT
AROUND TO READING THEM. I DECIDED I'LL HAVE A SHOW WHERE
I'M FORCED TO ASK PEOPLE-- TALK TO SMART PEOPLE AND LEARN ABOUT
PARENTING AS -- >> SO THE SHOW IS A
CRY FOR HELP IS WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
>> IT'S A DESPERATE CRY FOR HELP.
>> I HAVE THREE CHILDREN.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO ASK ME ANYTHING?
>> I'M CURIOUS-- LOOKING BACK NOW, BECAUSE THEY'RE TEENAGERS
AND ALL OFF ON THEIR OWN LIVE S. >> THEY'RE ADULTS,
IN THEIR 20s. >> LOOKING BACK NOW, WHAT WOULD
YOU HAVE DONE DIFFERENTLY EARLY ON?
>> I WOULD NOT HAVE HAD THEM.
HUGE MISTAKE.
ANDERSON, LOVELY, LOVELY, TO SEE YOU.
HIS SHOWS, "PARENTAL GUIDANCE" AND "ANDERSON COOPER FULL
CIRCLE," ARE AVAILABLE ON CNN+.
ANDERSON COOPER, EVERYBODY! WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A
PERFORMANCE BY COUNTRY SUPERSTAR THOMAS RHETT.
>> PERFORMING "ANGELS" FROM HIS NEW ALBUM, "WHERE WE
STARTED," THOMAS RHETT!
YOU ALWAYS TELL ME I SHOULD
LIKE YOU PRAYED THAT I WOULD
WITH LESSONS TO LEARN
I DESERVE
SLAMMED THE DOOR
AND SAID ADIOS
TORE IT APART
DON'T KNOW WHY YOU WERE PATIENT
ON ME
HAVE WINGS
THAT MIRACLES WAKE UP NEXT TO
I DIDN'T KNOW
BUT, DANG, THESE DAYS I DO
IT'LL BE BY A HAIR
I'M BACK
SLAMMED THE DOOR
AND SAID ADIOS
TORE IT APART
DON'T KNOW WHY YOU WERE PATIENT
ON ME
HAVE WINGS
BUT HEY, WHAT DO I KNOW?
THROUGH HELL
SLAMMED THE DOOR
AND SAID ADIOS
TORE IT APART
DON'T KNOW WHY YOU WERE PATIENT
ON ME
NOW I BELIEVE
HAVE WINGS
BEAUTIFUL, THANKS. THOMAS RHETT, EVERYBODY!
THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW," EVERYBODY.
TUNE IN TOMORROW, WHEN MY GUESTS WILL BE PETE HOLMES AND POET
ELIZABETH ALEXANDER. JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT.
"CARPOOL KARAOKE" WITH NICKI MINAJ.
GOOD NIGHT.