1 00:00:01,768 --> 00:00:11,544 ♪ DOWN IN SWEET FLORIDA. ♪ OUR GOVERNOR IS RED WHITE AND 2 00:00:11,611 --> 00:00:13,346 BLUE. ♪. 3 00:00:13,413 --> 00:00:18,017 >> THE FIRST PEEK OF A BRAND NEW SONG CALLED SWEET FLORIDA. 4 00:00:18,084 --> 00:00:21,321 HIGHLIGHTING THE LEADERSHIP OF, YOU SAW HIM IN THE CUTAWAY, 5 00:00:21,388 --> 00:00:26,659 GOVERNOR RON DESANTIS AND HIS EFFORTS TO KEEP FLORIDA FREE. 6 00:00:26,726 --> 00:00:29,729 >> THE VAN ZANT BROTHERS, THEY WROTE THIS SONG. 7 00:00:29,796 --> 00:00:34,300 >> THE LATE SHOW IS ALSO OFFERING RON DESANTIS A COUNTRY 8 00:00:34,367 --> 00:00:39,839 ROCK CAMPAIGN ANTHEM. ♪ IT'S SPEND LONG DAYS THINKING 9 00:00:39,906 --> 00:00:41,708 UP WAYS. ♪ IT IS DIFFERENT. 10 00:00:41,775 --> 00:00:43,910 ♪ TO GET THEM AT YOUR KIDS. ♪. 11 00:00:43,977 --> 00:00:51,851 >> THIS IS RIDICULOUS. >> THEY'RE AINTS NO MUZZLING 12 00:00:51,918 --> 00:00:55,855 HIM. ♪ AGAINST LGBT. 13 00:00:55,922 --> 00:01:02,996 >> ST A CATCHEE SONG. >> HE IS. 14 00:01:03,062 --> 00:01:11,004 ♪ A REAL A. ♪ THAT ELECTION REAL REJECTION 15 00:01:11,070 --> 00:01:15,542 BETWEEN HIM AND RUBIO. ♪ EVERY TIME THEY'RE SPEAKING. 16 00:01:15,608 --> 00:01:19,846 ♪ FOR A PAIR. ♪ TELL ME WHY. 17 00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:27,387 ♪ FLORIDA. ♪ CAN'T JUST FOR A GATOR. 18 00:01:27,454 --> 00:01:32,559 ♪ ASK ME WHY. ♪ FLORIDA. 19 00:01:32,625 --> 00:01:38,064 ♪ HOW THE HECK DID Y'ALL SHOW DOWNGRADE TO THIS. 20 00:01:38,131 --> 00:01:39,833 ♪. >> IT'S THE LATE SHOW WITH 21 00:01:39,899 --> 00:01:47,807 STEPHEN COLBERT. TONIGHT JON BATISTE'S GRAND 22 00:01:47,874 --> 00:01:53,713 SLAM. PLUS STEPHEN WELCOMES SHAQUILLE 23 00:01:53,780 --> 00:02:01,855 O'NEAL AND MAYIM BIALIK. FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY 24 00:02:01,921 --> 00:02:05,725 HUMAN. AND NOW LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED 25 00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:15,835 SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 26 00:02:15,902 --> 00:02:30,783 (APPLAUSE). >> Stephen: HI LOUIS, LESLEY, 27 00:02:30,850 --> 00:02:36,856 (APPLAUSE). >> Stephen: HI LOUIS, LESLEY, 28 00:02:36,923 --> 00:02:43,830 THANK YOU FOR JOINING US. PLEASE V A SEAT, LADIES AND 29 00:02:43,897 --> 00:02:45,632 GENTLEMEN. WELCOME ONE AND ALL TO THE LATE 30 00:02:45,698 --> 00:02:50,537 SHOW. I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. 31 00:02:50,603 --> 00:02:52,038 BUT ENOUGH ABOUT ME! JON BATISTE WON FIVE GRAMMYS 32 00:02:52,105 --> 00:02:58,411 LAST NIGHT! FIVE! 33 00:02:58,478 --> 00:03:03,116 COME ON! GUYS! 34 00:03:03,182 --> 00:03:06,052 , GUYS! WE KNOW THAT DUDE. 35 00:03:06,119 --> 00:03:11,724 THAT'S OUR FRIEND FROM WORK. NOW, JON'S NOT HERE TONIGHT-- 36 00:03:11,791 --> 00:03:15,995 HE'S STILL IN AIRPORT SECURITY IN LOS ANGELES EXPLAINING THE 37 00:03:16,062 --> 00:03:16,796 FIVE GRAMMY-SHAPED BULGES IN HIS 38 00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:19,832 PANTS. BUT HE IS REPRESENTED UP THERE 39 00:03:19,899 --> 00:03:29,709 IN OUR DOME. THIS EVENING, RIGHT THERE. 40 00:03:29,776 --> 00:03:36,149 YEAH! JON TOOK HOME THE TROPHY FOR 41 00:03:36,215 --> 00:03:39,852 BEST MUSIC VIDEO, BEST AMERICAN ROOTS PERFORMANCE, BEST AMERICAN 42 00:03:39,919 --> 00:03:45,858 ROOTS SONG, BEST SCORE SOUNDTRACK FOR "SOUL," AND THE 43 00:03:45,925 --> 00:03:51,831 THE WHOLE ENCHILADA, ALBUM OF THE YEAR. 44 00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:55,134 ALBUM OF THE YEAR! WHOLE YEAR! 45 00:03:55,201 --> 00:04:03,676 ONE ALBUM, WHOLE YEAR, JANUARY TO DECEMBER, CALENDER, FISCAL, 46 00:04:03,743 --> 00:04:05,545 THE WHOLE THING." WE ARE " 47 00:04:05,612 --> 00:04:08,414 OF COURSE, THE ALBUM'S FULL TITLE IS "WE ARE... GONNA WIN A 48 00:04:08,481 --> 00:04:09,616 BUTT-LOAD OF GRAMMYS." I'M NOT SURPRISED AT ALL THAT 49 00:04:09,682 --> 00:04:13,052 JON WON ALBUM OF THE YEAR. BUT YOU KNOW WHO WAS SURPRISED? 50 00:04:13,119 --> 00:04:20,893 JON. TAKE A LOOK: 51 00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:35,842 >> AND THE GRAMMY GOES TO... "WE ARE," JON BATISTE. 52 00:04:35,908 --> 00:04:51,224 >> AND THE GRAMMY GOES TO... "WE ARE," JON BATISTE. 53 00:04:51,290 --> 00:04:54,727 ♪ >> Stephen: YOU CAN TELL HE 54 00:04:54,794 --> 00:04:57,230 DIDN'T EXPECT TO GO ONSTAGE BECAUSE HE WORE HIS MOST CASUAL 55 00:04:57,296 --> 00:05:05,405 RHINESTONE BISHOP'S VESTMENTS. THE POPE NEEDS TO BORROW HIS 56 00:05:05,471 --> 00:05:06,472 OUTFITS. JON'S ACCEPTANCE SPEECH WAS 57 00:05:06,539 --> 00:05:09,242 INCREDIBLY MOVING. HERE'S HOW HE KICKED IT OFF: 58 00:05:09,308 --> 00:05:18,584 >> Jon: YOU KNOW, I REALLY, I BELIEVE THIS TO MY CORE, THERE 59 00:05:18,651 --> 00:05:21,220 IS NO BEST MUSICIAN, BEST ARTIST, BEST DANCER, BEST ACTOR. 60 00:05:21,287 --> 00:05:27,226 >> Stephen: TRUE. BUT THERE IS A BEST ALBUM, AND 61 00:05:27,293 --> 00:05:36,602 IT'S "WE ARE" BY JON BATISTE. (APPLAUSE) 62 00:05:36,669 --> 00:05:42,975 JON ALSO TOOK A MOMENT TO TALK ABOUT THE ROLE MUSIC 63 00:05:43,042 --> 00:05:44,110 HAS PLAYED IN HIS LIFE: >> Jon: I LOVE MUSIC. 64 00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:46,145 I HAVE BEEN PLAYING SINCE I WAS A LITTLE BOY. 65 00:05:46,212 --> 00:05:49,282 IT'S MORE THAN ENTERTAINMENT FOR ME, IT IS A SPIRITUAL PRACTICE. 66 00:05:49,348 --> 00:05:51,384 >> Stephen: THAT IS LOVELY. ALSO, I'D LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO 67 00:05:51,451 --> 00:05:53,219 JON FOR INTERRUPTING HIS SPIRITUAL PRACTICE FOR YEARS 68 00:05:53,286 --> 00:05:58,524 WITH JOKES ABOUT RUDY GIULIANI'S WINE-SOAKED BUFFOONERY. 69 00:05:58,591 --> 00:06:02,261 EVEN THOUGH JON WON, HE GAVE THE AUDIENCE A PRIZE: AN INCREDIBLE 70 00:06:02,328 --> 00:06:05,631 PERFORMANCE OF HIS SONG, "FREEDOM." 71 00:06:05,698 --> 00:06:06,766 S WHEN I MOVE MY BODY JUST LIKE THIS 72 00:06:06,833 --> 00:06:10,269 S I DON'T KNOW WHY BUT I FEEL LIKE 73 00:06:10,336 --> 00:06:12,071 S FREEDOM I HEAR A SONG 74 00:06:12,138 --> 00:06:18,044 S THAT TAKES ME BACK AND I LET GO WITH SO MUCH 75 00:06:18,111 --> 00:06:20,680 S FREEDOM S >> Stephen: I CAN'T BELIEVE I 76 00:06:20,747 --> 00:06:28,020 GET FRONT-ROW SEATS TO THAT SHOW EVERY NIGHT. 77 00:06:28,087 --> 00:06:33,960 RIGHT THERE, THAT, RIGHT THERE. THAT'S IT. 78 00:06:34,026 --> 00:06:36,062 FRONT ROW SEAT. ALSO CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVE TO 79 00:06:36,129 --> 00:06:40,800 PAY A SCALPER $600. FOR THAT SEAT. 80 00:06:40,867 --> 00:06:42,135 JON ENDED THE SONG BY HEADING INTO THE AUDIENCE TO DANCE ON 81 00:06:42,201 --> 00:06:45,538 BILLIE EILISH'S TABLE. HE DOES IT ALL! 82 00:06:45,605 --> 00:06:48,074 HE WRITES, HE ARRANGES, HE SINGS, HE DANCES, AND RIGHT 83 00:06:48,141 --> 00:06:50,943 AFTER THE CAMERA CUT AWAY, HE MADE BILLIE SOME TABLESIDE GUAC. 84 00:06:51,010 --> 00:06:58,651 SO FRESH! WHAT IS THAT THING CALLED. 85 00:06:58,718 --> 00:07:00,086 -- JON WASN'T THE ONLY WINNER AT 86 00:07:00,153 --> 00:07:01,821 THE GRAMMYS. IT WAS ALSO A HUGE NIGHT FOR 87 00:07:01,888 --> 00:07:05,725 19-YEAR-OLD POP SENSATION OLIVIA RODRIGO, WHO WON THREE GRAMMYS, 88 00:07:05,792 --> 00:07:09,061 INCLUDING ONE FOR BEST NEW ARTIST. 89 00:07:09,128 --> 00:07:12,999 BUT AS SHE WAS WALKING THE RED CARPET SHE ACCIDENTALLY DROPPED 90 00:07:13,065 --> 00:07:18,638 ONE OF THEM AND BROKE IT. OH, NOW SHE HAS TO BUY IT! 91 00:07:18,704 --> 00:07:21,707 THOSE ARE THE RULES, THAT IS WHAT IT SAYS ON ITS BOTTOM. 92 00:07:21,774 --> 00:07:23,810 ONE POWERFUL MOMENT WAS WHEN UKRAINIAN PRESIDENT VOLODYMYR 93 00:07:23,876 --> 00:07:25,411 ZELENSKY MADE AN APPEARANCE AND CALLED ON THE ARTISTS TO 94 00:07:25,478 --> 00:07:29,081 SUPPORT UKRAINE. >> THE WAR. 95 00:07:29,148 --> 00:07:30,983 WHAT IS MORE OPPOSITE TO MUSIC? FILL THE SILENCE WITH YOUR 96 00:07:31,050 --> 00:07:34,587 MUSIC. FILL IT TODAY TO TELL OUR STORY. 97 00:07:34,654 --> 00:07:36,189 >> Stephen: ADDING, "BUT NOT YOU, KANYE. 98 00:07:36,255 --> 00:07:42,328 WE'RE DEALING WITH ENOUGH ALREADY." 99 00:07:42,395 --> 00:07:47,166 THANK YOU THOUGH, THANK YOU. ZELENSKY'S GRAMMY APPEARANCE 100 00:07:47,233 --> 00:07:50,536 COMES AT A CRITICAL TIME. RUSSIA HAS ALMOST COMPLETELY 101 00:07:50,603 --> 00:07:55,875 PULLED BACK FROM THE AREA AROUND KYIV, AND NOW THAT THEY'VE GONE, 102 00:07:55,942 --> 00:07:58,945 (APPLAUSE) THAT IS GOOD NEWS STRKS GOOD 103 00:07:59,011 --> 00:08:02,415 NEWS, ADMITTEDLY. BUT NOW THAT THEY PULLED OUT 104 00:08:02,481 --> 00:08:03,916 THE WORLD IS GETTING A CLOSE LOOK AT THE HORRIFIC PATH OF 105 00:08:03,983 --> 00:08:05,785 DESTRUCTION LEFT BEHIND. I'M NOT GOING TO SHOW YOU ANY OF 106 00:08:05,852 --> 00:08:07,887 THE FOOTAGE BECAUSE IT'S NOT SAFE FOR HUMANS. 107 00:08:07,954 --> 00:08:11,791 BUT IT'S ALL OVER CABLE NEWS IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT I'M 108 00:08:11,858 --> 00:08:15,928 TALKING ABOUT. UKRAINIAN OFFICIALS DESCRIBE 109 00:08:15,995 --> 00:08:18,064 WHAT THEY FOUND AS GENOCIDE, AND HAVE LAUNCHED AN INVESTIGATION 110 00:08:18,130 --> 00:08:23,202 INTO POSSIBLE RUSSIAN WAR CRIMES. 111 00:08:23,269 --> 00:08:26,105 I'M GONNA SAVE EVERYBODY SOME TIME AND PULL THE "POSSIBLE" OUT 112 00:08:26,172 --> 00:08:29,809 OF THAT SENTENCE. IT'S FOR SURE WAR CRIMES. 113 00:08:29,876 --> 00:08:37,550 INVESTIGATION DONE. IT'S SETS ELED. 114 00:08:37,617 --> 00:08:39,886 LET'S MOVE ON TO SOMETHING LESS OBVIOUS LIKE FIGURING OUT IF A 115 00:08:39,952 --> 00:08:41,787 BEAR POOPS IN THE WOODS. OF COURSE, IF IT'S A RUSSIAN 116 00:08:41,854 --> 00:08:49,095 BEAR, THEY CALL IT A "SPECIAL MILITARY DEFECATION." 117 00:08:49,161 --> 00:08:51,864 THERE'S ONE THORNY ISSUE: TO HOLD A COUNTRY RESPONSIBLE FOR 118 00:08:51,931 --> 00:08:55,868 WAR CRIMES, YOU MIGHT WANNA GO THROUGH THE U.N. SECURITY 119 00:08:55,935 --> 00:08:59,005 COUNCIL, BUT, AS ONE OF FIVE PERMANENT MEMBERS, RUSSIA 120 00:08:59,071 --> 00:08:59,939 WOULD HAVE VETO POWER OVER ANY DECISION. 121 00:09:00,006 --> 00:09:03,943 THAT'S INSANE! THAT'S LIKE IF THE AVENGERS 122 00:09:04,010 --> 00:09:07,980 CONSISTED OF IRON MAN, SPIDER-MAN, AND RUSSIA. 123 00:09:08,047 --> 00:09:12,051 WHILE THE WORLD WAITS FOR RUSSIA TO BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE, THE 124 00:09:12,118 --> 00:09:15,888 PEOPLE OF UKRAINE CONTINUE TO DEFEND THEIR COUNTRY IN 125 00:09:15,955 --> 00:09:23,796 SURPRISING WAYS. REMEMBER THAT STALLED 40 MILE 126 00:09:23,863 --> 00:09:27,066 LONG RUSSIAN CONVOY NEAR THE TARNLINGSS COMING DOWN FROM 127 00:09:27,133 --> 00:09:30,102 BELARUS AT THE BEGINNING OF THE WAR. 128 00:09:30,169 --> 00:09:31,737 REMEMBER, THAT WAS GONNA GO DOWN AND CIRCLE KYIV, END OF STORY. 129 00:09:31,804 --> 00:09:34,106 NEVER HAPPENED! THERE WAS A LOT OF SPECULATION 130 00:09:34,173 --> 00:09:35,274 ABOUT WHY THE CONVOY STOPPED. WERE THEY BOGGED DOWN IN THE 131 00:09:35,341 --> 00:09:39,679 MUD? RUN OUT OF FUEL? 132 00:09:39,745 --> 00:09:41,814 GET CAUGHT IN THE LEFT TURN LANE INTO HOME DEPOT JUST PAST THE 133 00:09:41,881 --> 00:09:44,116 ARBYS ON MAPLE? YOU DON'T SEE THE TURN-ONLY 134 00:09:44,183 --> 00:09:48,421 ARROW UNTIL YOU'RE AT THE LIGHT, AND THEN YOU'RE SCREWED! 135 00:09:48,487 --> 00:09:51,891 CUZ YOU CAN'T SMIFT OVER. WELL, IT TURNS OUT, UKRAINIANS 136 00:09:51,958 --> 00:09:55,628 STOPPED THE CONVOY THROUGH A SERIES OF NIGHT AMBUSHES 137 00:09:55,695 --> 00:09:58,531 CARRIED OUT BY A TEAM OF SPECIAL FORCES AND DRONE OPERATORS ON 138 00:09:58,597 --> 00:10:00,433 QUAD BIKES, WHICH BEGAN EIGHT YEARS AGO AS A GROUP OF 139 00:10:00,499 --> 00:10:03,970 VOLUNTEER I.T. SPECIALISTS AND HOBBYISTS DESIGNING THEIR OWN 140 00:10:04,036 --> 00:10:11,110 MACHINES. HOLY COW. 141 00:10:11,177 --> 00:10:17,817 THAT IS-- COUNTRY. UKRAINE IS STOPPING PUTIN BY 142 00:10:17,883 --> 00:10:21,821 TAPPING INTO THEIR MOST PRECIOUS RESOURCE: BORED DADS! 143 00:10:21,887 --> 00:10:24,090 "WHO'S LAUGHING ABOUT MY DRONE MAKING HOBBY NOW, HUH? 144 00:10:24,156 --> 00:10:28,961 NEXT I'M GONNA DEFEAT A WHOLE RUSSIAN BRIGADE USING ONLY MY 145 00:10:29,028 --> 00:10:30,196 ELABORATE MODEL TRAIN SET AND MY COLLECTION OF EMPTY HOT SAUCE 146 00:10:30,262 --> 00:10:38,738 BOTTLES! HEY IVAN, 147 00:10:38,804 --> 00:10:39,972 EAT GHOST PEPPER ASS BLASTER! HOW 'BOUT SOME HABANERO 148 00:10:40,039 --> 00:10:50,983 COLON KILLER!" THE GUYS FINISH THE SAUCE, WASH 149 00:10:51,050 --> 00:10:52,985 THE BOTTLES AND PUT A LITTLE-- IN THE WORKROOM. 150 00:10:53,052 --> 00:10:55,654 UKRAINIAN RESISTANCE ISN'T JUST IN THE SKY, IT'S ALSO IN THE 151 00:10:55,721 --> 00:10:59,025 KITCHEN, BECAUSE RUSSIAN TROOPS ARE GETTING POISONED FOOD FROM 152 00:10:59,091 --> 00:11:02,028 UKRAINIAN RESIDENTS. WELL, YEAH! 153 00:11:02,094 --> 00:11:04,997 HOW YOU LIKE THEM APPLES, RUSSIA? 154 00:11:05,064 --> 00:11:08,667 BY THE WAY, WOULD YOU LIKE AN APPLE? 155 00:11:08,734 --> 00:11:12,104 UKRAINIANS KNOW THAT RUSSIANS ARE COMING INTO THEIR HOMES TO 156 00:11:12,171 --> 00:11:16,275 LOOT, SO THEY'RE TAUNTING THEM BY LEAVING BEHIND NOTES READING, 157 00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:21,113 "GUESS WHERE THE POISON IS?" DAMN, THAT'S COLD. 158 00:11:21,180 --> 00:11:23,916 YOU'D THINK THE RUSSIANS WOULD BE GOOD AT THAT. 159 00:11:23,983 --> 00:11:29,789 IT'S THEIR MOST POPULAR BOARD GAME. 160 00:11:29,855 --> 00:11:32,958 IN ADDITION, SOME 500 RUSSIAN TROOPS HAVE ALSO BECOME ILL 161 00:11:33,025 --> 00:11:35,795 FROM "ALCOHOL POISONING" OF "UNKNOWN ORIGIN." 162 00:11:35,861 --> 00:11:39,865 NOW, I'M NO DOCTOR, BUT I'M GOING TO GUESS THE ORIGIN OF 163 00:11:39,932 --> 00:11:43,869 ALCOHOL POISONING IS ALCOHOL. AND HOW DOES A RUSSIAN GET 164 00:11:43,936 --> 00:11:47,807 ALCOHOL POISONING? VODKA IS THE TOP OF THE RUSSIAN 165 00:11:47,873 --> 00:11:59,819 FOOD PYRAMID. AND THE REST IS POTATO. 166 00:11:59,885 --> 00:12:05,991 IS POTATOE. IN COVID NEWS, CERTAIN PEOPLE 167 00:12:06,058 --> 00:12:10,996 ARE NOW ELIGIBLE FOR ANOTHER BOOSTER. 168 00:12:11,063 --> 00:12:13,632 THOSE OF US 50 AND OVER. AND SOME FOLKS ARE GOING 169 00:12:13,699 --> 00:12:16,135 OVERBOARD, BECAUSE A GERMAN MAN GOT 90 COVID SHOTS. 170 00:12:16,202 --> 00:12:19,572 ALMOST GOT AWAY WITH IT, BUT THE GERMAN AUTHORITIES GREW 171 00:12:19,638 --> 00:12:23,809 SUSPICIOUS WHEN THE MAN PRESENTED HIS VACCINE CARD. 172 00:12:23,876 --> 00:12:27,246 WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. 173 00:12:27,313 --> 00:12:30,249 MY GUESTS ARE SHAQUILLE O'NEAL AND MAYIM BIALIK. 174 00:12:56,408 --> 00:12:59,745 THEY HAVE MY RUNNING. ♪ AND CRYING. 175 00:12:59,812 --> 00:13:07,853 ♪ THEY. >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY. 176 00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:16,595 GIVE IT UP FOR THE BAND. (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE). 177 00:13:16,662 --> 00:13:18,731 >> Stephen: VERY EXCITING. VERY EXCITING. 178 00:13:18,797 --> 00:13:27,573 I GOT TO SAY, LEWIS, MR. LAMPLY, INDIA, YOU HAVE BEEN KILLING IT 179 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:31,477 THIS WEEK. TOMORROW NIGHT WE GET JON, JOE 180 00:13:31,544 --> 00:13:35,414 AND-- WILL BE BACK FROM THE GRAMMYS, YOU HAVE DONE AN 181 00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:38,984 AMAZING JOB FROM LAST WEEK, YOU SOUND INCREDIBLE. 182 00:13:39,051 --> 00:13:40,286 (APPLAUSE) I UNDERSTAND WE HAVE A SPECIAL 183 00:13:40,352 --> 00:13:42,988 GUEST TONIGHT OVER THERE WHO DO WE HAVE. 184 00:13:43,055 --> 00:13:46,892 >> WE HAVE THE INCREDIBLE RANDY RUNYUN ON GUITAR. 185 00:13:46,959 --> 00:13:50,796 >> Stephen: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE, GOOD TO SIGH. 186 00:13:50,863 --> 00:13:52,064 I'M SO HAPPY, WERE YOU SURPRISED AT ALL. 187 00:13:52,131 --> 00:13:55,334 WHEN THAT ALBUM OF THE YEAR CAME UP, BECAUSE THAT'S THE AWARD, 188 00:13:55,401 --> 00:13:57,870 THE ALBUM. >> IT IS THE AWARD WA, DID YOU 189 00:13:57,937 --> 00:14:00,339 THINK. >> I DID A LITTLE DOUBLE TAKE. 190 00:14:00,406 --> 00:14:06,512 I WAS LIKE-- CUZ YOU KNOW, HE SAID THE SECOND, THE GETTING THE 191 00:14:06,579 --> 00:14:11,884 WORD WE OUT, IT WAS LIKE A MATRIX MOMENT, I DIDN'T BELIEVE 192 00:14:11,951 --> 00:14:13,485 T I HEARD-- . >> Stephen: WELL, I ALREADY 193 00:14:13,552 --> 00:14:18,157 KNEW THAT JON HAD WON FOUR, BECAUSE HE WAS NOMINATED FOR 11 194 00:14:18,224 --> 00:14:19,592 AND AIDE HAD BEEN IN THE PRECEREMONY, THAT AFTERNOON. 195 00:14:19,658 --> 00:14:22,928 HE HAD ALREADY WON FOUR, I WAS LIKE WELL, HE COMES BACK A 196 00:14:22,995 --> 00:14:25,764 WINNER INCLUDING VIDEO OF THE YEAR, HE IS ALREADY A BIG DEAL, 197 00:14:25,831 --> 00:14:29,068 HE LOST THE FIRST TWO TO I THINK SILK SONIC OR SOMETHING LIKE 198 00:14:29,134 --> 00:14:32,071 THAT, I FORGOT. AND THEN WE GET UP TO THE ALBUM 199 00:14:32,137 --> 00:14:38,110 OF THE YEAR, AND I'M LIKE THAT IS A BRUTAL CATEGORY. 200 00:14:38,177 --> 00:14:41,046 >> I THOUGHT OLIVIA RODRIGO. >> Jon: AND LENNY KRAVITZ IS 201 00:14:41,113 --> 00:14:45,618 UP THERE, BY THE WAY, CAN WE SAY SOMETHING ABOUT LENNY KRAVITZ 202 00:14:45,684 --> 00:14:48,320 FOR, FIRST OF ALL, ARE YOU GOING TO GO MY WAY, KILLS IT WITH 203 00:14:48,387 --> 00:14:50,956 THAT, BUT HE IS WEARING NO SHIRT AND LEATHER PANTS. 204 00:14:51,023 --> 00:14:54,860 HE HAS A JACKET ON. >> SUPERCOOL GLASSES. 205 00:14:54,927 --> 00:15:00,199 >> Stephen: AND I HAD TO LOOK HOW OLD HE WAS. 206 00:15:00,266 --> 00:15:04,003 I AM TWO WEEKS OLDER THAN LENNY KRAVITZ. 207 00:15:04,069 --> 00:15:06,505 >> GET OUT. >> Stephen: I'M TWO WEEKS 208 00:15:06,572 --> 00:15:08,073 OLDER. THAT'S IT. 209 00:15:08,140 --> 00:15:12,344 WHICH MEANS LOGICALLY TWO WEEKS AGO I COULD HAVE PULLED OFF THAT 210 00:15:12,411 --> 00:15:16,749 OUTFIT. BUT NOW I-- I COULDN'T HAVE, IN 211 00:15:16,815 --> 00:15:19,318 THOSE LEATHER MANTES. THOSE LEATHER PANTS. 212 00:15:19,385 --> 00:15:22,288 ALL I COULD THINK OF WHEN I SEE LENNY KRAVITZ IN THOSE LEATHER 213 00:15:22,354 --> 00:15:25,557 PANTS AND WE WILL GET BACK TO JON IN A SECOND. 214 00:15:25,624 --> 00:15:28,294 WHEN I SEE LENNY KRAVITZ, DID YOU SEE THAT NOT PHOTO WHEN HE 215 00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:33,565 WAS IN CONCERT AND HIS PANT SPLIT OPEN AND IT WAS ALL JUST 216 00:15:33,632 --> 00:15:36,335 HANGING OUTLINING THE ELEPHANT WALKED THERE, HE DOESN'T WEAR 217 00:15:36,402 --> 00:15:40,839 UNDER PANTS UNDER THOSE LEATHER PANT, THAT IS WHAT WE LEARNED. 218 00:15:40,906 --> 00:15:45,544 >> THE WAY THE ROCK STARS DO IT. >> Stephen: A LOT OF TALCUM 219 00:15:45,611 --> 00:15:48,347 POWER IS WHAT I HAVE GOT TO SAY. SO I'M SAYING TO EFI, I'M GOING 220 00:15:48,414 --> 00:15:51,617 WELL, LISTEN, HE'S ALREADY GOT FOUR GRAMMYS, WHAT A GREAT 221 00:15:51,684 --> 00:15:53,352 NIGHT, WHAT AN AMAZING PERFORMANCE. 222 00:15:53,419 --> 00:15:56,322 HE'S GOT NOTHING, IT IS GOING TO BE GREAT, OBVIOUSLY WILL NOT WIN 223 00:15:56,388 --> 00:15:59,925 THIS CATEGORY, LOOK AT THOSE PEOPLE, HE HAS EVERY RIGHT TO 224 00:15:59,992 --> 00:16:04,063 BUT YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW IT IS WHO YOU KNOW, OR WHATEVER, LIKE 225 00:16:04,129 --> 00:16:06,265 THAT. AND WHEN LENNY KRAVITZ SAYS WE, 226 00:16:06,332 --> 00:16:10,169 ARE, I'M LIKE OH, THAT'S THE NAME OF JON'S ALBUM, YEAH, 227 00:16:10,235 --> 00:16:12,338 YOU'RE RIGHT. AND THEN THE ONLY PERSON WHO HAD 228 00:16:12,404 --> 00:16:16,508 A STRANGER REACTION THAN I DID WAS JON. 229 00:16:16,575 --> 00:16:19,445 >> ACTUALLY JON, YEAH. >> Stephen: WHAT'S GOING ON, 230 00:16:19,511 --> 00:16:22,281 HE WAS LIKE WHAT? ANYWAY, CONGRATULATIONS TO OUR 231 00:16:22,348 --> 00:16:24,416 FRIEND. CAN'T WAIT TO SEE HIM TOMORROW 232 00:16:24,483 --> 00:16:25,284 NIGHT. (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE). 233 00:16:25,351 --> 00:16:26,151 >> Stephen: IS THAT EVERYTHING? 234 00:16:26,218 --> 00:16:29,822 ARE WE OUT? SHOULD I GO TO COMMERCIAL? 235 00:16:29,888 --> 00:16:34,293 HOW LONG HAVE I BEEN TALKING? HOW LONG HAVE I-- HOW MUCH OF 236 00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:38,364 THE ACT HAS BEEN ON THIS ANG LENNY KRAVITZ'S LEATHER PANTS. 237 00:16:38,430 --> 00:16:41,500 ALMOST FOUR MINUTES OF THIS WHOLE ACT IS SUPPOSED TO BE HOW 238 00:16:41,567 --> 00:16:44,336 LONG, LIKE FIVE? >> WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH 239 00:16:44,403 --> 00:16:45,804 SHAQUILLE O'NEAL. ♪ 240 00:17:03,789 --> 00:17:06,091 ♪ >> Stephen: HEY. 241 00:17:06,158 --> 00:17:13,265 WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, FOLKS, 242 00:17:13,332 --> 00:17:18,070 MY FIRST GUEST IS A BASKETBALL HALL OF FAMER TURNED 243 00:17:18,137 --> 00:17:20,305 ENTREPRENEUR. HE HAS JUST WRITTEN HIS FIRST 244 00:17:20,372 --> 00:17:23,976 COOKBOOK, "SHAQ'S FAMILY STYLE: CHAMPIONSHIP RECIPES FOR FEEDING 245 00:17:24,042 --> 00:17:26,145 FAMILY AND FRIENDS." PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE 246 00:17:26,211 --> 00:17:41,093 SHOW," SHAQUILLE O'NEAL! (APPLAUSE) 247 00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:54,940 SHOW," SHAQUILLE O'NEAL! (APPLAUSE) 248 00:17:55,007 --> 00:18:02,381 SHAQUILLE O'NEAL, EVERYBODY. HELLO. 249 00:18:02,448 --> 00:18:04,817 >> THE CROWD KIND OF SCARED ME. >> Stephen: THE CROWD SCARED 250 00:18:04,883 --> 00:18:06,285 YOU. >> YEAH, I DIDN'T KNOW THERE 251 00:18:06,351 --> 00:18:10,022 WERE THIS MANY PEOPLE IN HERE. >> Stephen: OH YEAH, YEAH. 252 00:18:10,088 --> 00:18:12,057 >> HELLO, MAN. >> Stephen: YEAH. 253 00:18:12,124 --> 00:18:14,259 IT IS REALLY NICE TO YOU HAVE ON THE SHOW. 254 00:18:14,326 --> 00:18:18,597 I HAVE INTERVIEWED YOU ONCE BEFORE BUT THAT WAS OVER ZOOM. 255 00:18:18,664 --> 00:18:22,734 YOU ARE LARGER IN PERSON, MY FRIEND, REALLY NICE HAVING YOU 256 00:18:22,801 --> 00:18:24,603 ON. >> I THOUGHT YOU WERE JUST 257 00:18:24,670 --> 00:18:27,606 GETTING READY TO SAY I WAS SEXY, BUT IT'S OKAY. 258 00:18:27,673 --> 00:18:30,742 >> Stephen: THAT IS A GIVEN. WE DON'T HAVE NONSEXY GUESTS ON 259 00:18:30,809 --> 00:18:33,612 THE CHOA, THAT IS WHAT THE C IN CBS STANDS FOR SNGSY. 260 00:18:33,679 --> 00:18:35,547 >> THIS IS MY FIRST TIME MEETING YOU. 261 00:18:35,614 --> 00:18:39,351 >> Stephen: FIRST TIME IN PERSON, WE TALKED OVER THE ZOOM. 262 00:18:39,418 --> 00:18:42,554 >> WELL, NICE TO MEET YOU, SCIR. >> Stephen: NEVER PLES PRESSED 263 00:18:42,621 --> 00:18:46,024 THE FLESH. YEAH. 264 00:18:46,091 --> 00:18:47,226 HEY. (APPLAUSE). 265 00:18:47,292 --> 00:18:49,328 >> Stephen: I HEARD, I HEARD AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY, I HEARD IT 266 00:18:49,394 --> 00:18:53,232 IS THE BIG ONE, BIG 5-0, YOU TURNED 50 LAST MONTH. 267 00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:55,367 >> YES. >> Stephen: YEAH WHO IS OLDER, 268 00:18:55,434 --> 00:18:57,369 YOU OR CHARLES BARKLEY. >> CHARLES IS WAY OLDER. 269 00:18:57,436 --> 00:19:01,340 >> Stephen: HE'S WAY OLDER, WAY OLDER, WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY 270 00:19:01,406 --> 00:19:04,710 WAY. >> CHARLES IS 50 TIMES DOG 271 00:19:04,776 --> 00:19:07,346 YEARS. >> Stephen: SO HE IS 350, 272 00:19:07,412 --> 00:19:11,350 LOOKS GOOD FOR 350 YEAR OLD MAN. >> CHARLES BARKLEY DOES NOT LOOK 273 00:19:11,416 --> 00:19:13,085 GOOD, STOP IT. DON'T DO THAT. 274 00:19:13,151 --> 00:19:15,354 NO, HE DOES NOT, CUT IT OUT. >> Stephen: WRITE THAT DOWN. 275 00:19:15,420 --> 00:19:20,092 I'M GOING TO WRITE THAT DOWN. >> WRITE IT DOWN, CHARLES 276 00:19:20,158 --> 00:19:23,295 BARKLEY, NOT LOOK GOOD. >> Stephen: ARE YOU STAYING 277 00:19:23,362 --> 00:19:24,396 HEALTHIER THAN BARKLEY. >> I SURE AM. 278 00:19:24,463 --> 00:19:25,998 >> Stephen: YEAH. WHAT IS. 279 00:19:26,064 --> 00:19:31,370 THIS I HAVE HEARD ABOUT THIS CONDITION HERE, WHAT DOES THAT 280 00:19:31,436 --> 00:19:35,374 MEAN? >> CB, CHARLES BARKLEY OVER THE 281 00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:38,410 BELTS BELLY, I DON'T WANT MY BELLY TO GO OVER MY BELT F YOU 282 00:19:38,477 --> 00:19:43,849 LOOK AT CHARLES HE HAS A SANTSA CLUES JUICY ROLE CINNAMON BUN 283 00:19:43,916 --> 00:19:47,386 BELLY IT IS JUST-- SPS YOU WANT TO FROST IT, SOMETIME. 284 00:19:47,452 --> 00:19:49,354 >> YES, YOU DO. >> Stephen: THERE YOU GO, THE 285 00:19:49,421 --> 00:19:51,490 WAY TO GET AROUND THAT IS NEVER WEAR A BELT. 286 00:19:51,557 --> 00:19:57,829 >> WELL, HE CAN'T WEAR A BELT. THEY DON'T MAKE THEM HIS SIDE. 287 00:19:57,896 --> 00:19:58,997 (LAUGHTER) TELLING YOU. 288 00:19:59,064 --> 00:20:02,100 I WAS LIKE I NEVER, EVER WANT TO LOOK LIKE THAT. 289 00:20:02,167 --> 00:20:07,339 >> Stephen: NOW WE HAD YOUR DEAR FRIEND CHARLES BARKLEY ON, 290 00:20:07,406 --> 00:20:09,007 WE HAVE HAD HIM ON MANY TIMES AND ONE OF. 291 00:20:09,074 --> 00:20:14,947 >> YOU HAD CHARLES ON THE SHOW MORE THAN ME? 292 00:20:15,013 --> 00:20:16,615 (LAUGHTER). >> Stephen: I CAN'T REMEMBER, 293 00:20:16,682 --> 00:20:17,816 WE'LL COUNT LATER. >> ALL RIGHT. 294 00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:20,986 >> Stephen: ONE OF THE TIMES HE WAS HERE HE SAID SOMETHING 295 00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:23,422 ABOUT YOU, AND I WOULD LIKE TO GETS YOUR RESPONSE TO WHAT HE 296 00:20:23,488 --> 00:20:26,858 SAID ABOUT YOU, WHO IS MORE SHAME UNLESS ENDORSEMENT, YOU OR 297 00:20:26,925 --> 00:20:29,027 SHAQ. >> OH, SHAQ GOT NO SHAME, ZERO, 298 00:20:29,094 --> 00:20:31,964 LET ME TELL I SOMETHING. >> Stephen: NO SHAME GAME. 299 00:20:32,030 --> 00:20:36,802 >> EVERY TIME A LOOK ON THE TV, NO DOUBT IN MY MIND IS HE GOING 300 00:20:36,868 --> 00:20:42,074 TO DO TAM UPONS ANY DAY T IS JUST A MATTER OF-- TAMPONS ANY 301 00:20:42,140 --> 00:20:51,350 DAY T IS JUST A MATTER OF TIME. >> LADY, I'M SHAQUILLE O'NEAL, 302 00:20:51,416 --> 00:20:55,754 STAY FRESH. (APPLAUSE). 303 00:20:55,821 --> 00:20:57,589 >> Stephen: I BET THAT WOULD SELL. 304 00:20:57,656 --> 00:21:07,232 I BET THAT WOULD SELL AS LONG AS IT WASN'T A PARTNERSHIP WITH ICY 305 00:21:07,299 --> 00:21:08,767 HOT. (LAUGHTER) 306 00:21:08,834 --> 00:21:11,970 YOU HAVE GREAT PRODUCT, BY THE WAY, I HAVE A PATCH ON RIGHT 307 00:21:12,037 --> 00:21:17,643 NOW, AN ICY HOT ON RIGHT NOW. YOU HAVE A NEW COOK BOOK, I AM 308 00:21:17,709 --> 00:21:21,279 VERY EXCITED ABOUT THIS. OKAY. 309 00:21:21,346 --> 00:21:25,350 "SHACK'S FAMILY STYLE" WITH RECIPES SO EASY THAT QUOTE EVEN 310 00:21:25,417 --> 00:21:29,054 CHARLES BARKLEY COULD DO IT. (LAUGHTER) 311 00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:31,356 WHO MADE YOU WANT TO WRITE A COOK BOOK, SHAQ? 312 00:21:31,423 --> 00:21:35,193 >> WELL, I LIKE TO EAT A LOT. NOT AS MUCH AS CHARLES BUT I 313 00:21:35,260 --> 00:21:39,297 LIKE TO EAT. AND YOU KNOW, I HAVE THREE 314 00:21:39,364 --> 00:21:42,134 CHEFS, T MAX AND A GUY NAMED ALEC. 315 00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:46,405 DURING THE PANDEMIC WHEN THERE WAS NOTHING TO DO I FINALLY SAID 316 00:21:46,471 --> 00:21:49,341 TEACH ME HOW TO COOK, THAT WE TEACH ME, AND I WOULD GO BACK, I 317 00:21:49,408 --> 00:21:53,412 AM A VISUAL GUY, IF I SEE SOMEBODY DO IT, AND START 318 00:21:53,478 --> 00:21:57,082 PRACTICES IT, I DEVELOPED MUSCLE MEMORY, SO BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, I 319 00:21:57,149 --> 00:22:00,419 WAS COOKING TEN TO 15 DISHES. >> Stephen: HAVE YOU EVER DONE 320 00:22:00,485 --> 00:22:05,891 A VERY SPECIFIC KIND OF DIET LIKE VEGAN OR PESCATARIAN. 321 00:22:05,957 --> 00:22:08,994 >> MY FAVORITE DIET IS CALLED NO DIET. 322 00:22:09,061 --> 00:22:11,063 >> Stephen: HOW STRICT IS THAT. 323 00:22:11,129 --> 00:22:13,398 >> NOT STRICT AT ALL. >> Stephen: NOT STRICT AT ALL. 324 00:22:13,465 --> 00:22:16,268 >> NO. AND MY FAVORITE THING WHEN I EAT 325 00:22:16,334 --> 00:22:19,371 SOMETHING I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO EAT, I GUESS I WILL START MY 326 00:22:19,438 --> 00:22:23,141 DIET TOMORROW. >> Stephen: YOU WRITE THAT 327 00:22:23,208 --> 00:22:26,411 WITH FOOD YOU DON'T LIKE ALL THE FOO-FOO NONSENSE. 328 00:22:26,478 --> 00:22:31,116 WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THE FOO-FOO NONSENSE LIKE THE FOAM OR 329 00:22:31,183 --> 00:22:33,218 WHATEVER THEY PUT ON? >> I DON'T LIKE RICH PEOPLE 330 00:22:33,285 --> 00:22:37,355 FOOD. >> Stephen: LIKE WHAT? 331 00:22:37,422 --> 00:22:41,560 >> LIKE HORS D'OEUVRES. >> Stephen: LIKE HORS 332 00:22:41,626 --> 00:22:44,129 D'OEUVRE, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT APPETIZERS. 333 00:22:44,196 --> 00:22:48,600 >> CERTAINANS, US REGULAR PEOPLE WE LIKE CHICKEN WINGS AND, YOU 334 00:22:48,667 --> 00:22:49,534 KNOW. >> Stephen: I LIKE THAT. 335 00:22:49,601 --> 00:22:53,071 >> AND I LIKE-- . >> Stephen: NOBODY SPAING 336 00:22:53,138 --> 00:22:54,906 CHICKEN WINGS TO PEOPLE IN TUXEDOS. 337 00:22:54,973 --> 00:22:59,945 >> I DON'T LIKE TO GO TO THESE PARTIES AND CAVIER, I WANT 338 00:23:00,011 --> 00:23:05,283 CHICKEN WING, PIZZA AND CHIPS. (APPLAUSE). 339 00:23:05,350 --> 00:23:08,453 >> Stephen: SIMPLE. THIS BOOK IS ALSO IN SOME WAYS A 340 00:23:08,520 --> 00:23:13,125 LOVE LETTER TO YOUR MOM, LOSE IL. 341 00:23:13,191 --> 00:23:18,396 WHEN YOU THINK BACK TO BEING A BUOY AND YOUR-- A BOY AND YOUR 342 00:23:18,463 --> 00:23:21,433 MOM IS COOKING. >> I WOULD GO IN THE CABINET AND 343 00:23:21,500 --> 00:23:24,703 LOOKING FOR SNACKS AND WOULDN'T SEE ANYTHING AND SHE WOULD SAY 344 00:23:24,770 --> 00:23:27,005 GET OUT OF HERE, BOY. AND AN HOUR LATER IT WOULD BE 345 00:23:27,072 --> 00:23:30,609 THE BIGGEST, MOST FINEST SPREAD WE EVER HAD SEEN. 346 00:23:30,675 --> 00:23:33,078 AND SHE WOULD PUT A LOT OF LOVE IN IT, TAKE A LOT OF THINGS AND 347 00:23:33,145 --> 00:23:36,014 PUT IT TOGETHER. I ALWAYS SAID IF I MAKE IT BIG 348 00:23:36,081 --> 00:23:39,351 TIME I WANT TO DO SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR MY MOTHER SO THIS 349 00:23:39,417 --> 00:23:41,620 IS, A LOT OF HER RECIPES ARE IN HERE. 350 00:23:41,686 --> 00:23:45,657 >> Stephen: WHEN YOU GO HOME AND SAY MOM, I WANT SPECIAL FOOD 351 00:23:45,724 --> 00:23:47,359 WHAT IS IT, WHAT IS THE THING YOU WANT HER TO MAKE YOU. 352 00:23:47,425 --> 00:23:50,729 >> IT IS DIFFERENT NOW. I TELL MY MOTHER, SHE IS 353 00:23:50,796 --> 00:23:52,731 RETIRED. I ASK HER WHAT DOES THEY WANT 354 00:23:52,798 --> 00:23:55,367 AND I WILL MAKE SURE IT GETS DONE. 355 00:23:55,433 --> 00:23:58,436 (APPLAUSE). >> Stephen: NICE. 356 00:23:58,503 --> 00:24:00,739 THAT'S NICE. WHAT ABOUT YOUR-- HOW MANY KIDS 357 00:24:00,806 --> 00:24:02,374 HAVE YOU GOT. >> SIX. 358 00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:04,209 >> Stephen: DO YOU COOK FOR THEM? 359 00:24:04,276 --> 00:24:06,611 DO THEY LIKE YOUR FOOD. >> YES, THEY BETTER LIKE T IT'S 360 00:24:06,678 --> 00:24:10,549 ALL THEY'RE GOING TO GET. ARE THEY IMPRESSED THAT YOU ARE 361 00:24:10,615 --> 00:24:12,250 SHAQUILLE O'NEAL, ARE THEY IMPRESSED. 362 00:24:12,317 --> 00:24:14,286 >> NO, THEY DO NOT, NO. >> Stephen: THAT'S NICE. 363 00:24:14,352 --> 00:24:18,824 >> LIKE I ASK THEM WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE PLAYER, KOBE. 364 00:24:18,890 --> 00:24:24,429 WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE PLAYER, LeBRON. 365 00:24:24,496 --> 00:24:27,132 >> Stephen: WHO IS PAYING THE BILLS AROUND HERE. 366 00:24:27,199 --> 00:24:30,502 >> EXACTLY. NO, BUT HAVE I SIX WONDERFUL 367 00:24:30,569 --> 00:24:32,070 CHILDREN. I TEACH THEM TO BE INDEPENDENT, 368 00:24:32,137 --> 00:24:34,506 RESPECTFUL AND JUST HAVE FUN, WHATEVER THEY WANT TO BECOME, 369 00:24:34,573 --> 00:24:36,842 THEY CAN BECOME. I ALSO TELL THEM ALL THE TIME WE 370 00:24:36,908 --> 00:24:42,747 DON'T NEED ANOTHER BASKETBALL PLAYER, YOU KNOW, A COOK. 371 00:24:42,814 --> 00:24:45,550 >> Stephen: DO THEY COOK WITH YOU. 372 00:24:45,617 --> 00:24:47,619 >> NO, THEY CAN'T COME IN MY KITCHEN. 373 00:24:47,686 --> 00:24:49,487 >> Stephen: ARE YOU BOSSY IN THE KITCHEN, GET OUT OF HERE, 374 00:24:49,554 --> 00:24:52,490 YOU ARE GOING TO SCRATCH MY TESTIFY LONG. 375 00:24:52,557 --> 00:24:55,427 >> VERY, VERY BOSSY. FIRST OF ALL, HAVE I TO HAVE MY 376 00:24:55,493 --> 00:24:59,431 CHEAT SHEET AND IF THERE IS TOO MUCH GOING ON I CAN'T 377 00:24:59,497 --> 00:25:03,368 CONCENTRATE, HAVE I SUPER ADHD. >> Stephen: SO YOU HAVE THE 378 00:25:03,435 --> 00:25:05,737 CHEAT SHEET. >> I GET IT, READ IT, WRITE IT 379 00:25:05,804 --> 00:25:08,874 DOWN, HAVE I TO FOLLOW IT AND I DON'T WANT TO NOISE, NO NOTHING, 380 00:25:08,940 --> 00:25:11,409 SO GET OUT. >> Stephen: WELL, I PROMISE 381 00:25:11,476 --> 00:25:15,113 NOT TO INTERRUPT YOU LATER IN THE SHOW WHEN WE'RE GOING TO 382 00:25:15,180 --> 00:25:17,115 COOK TOGETHER. WE'RE GOING TO COOK TOGETHER 383 00:25:17,182 --> 00:25:18,683 RIGHT OVER HERE. >> YOU'RE GOING TO HELP ME. 384 00:25:18,750 --> 00:25:21,686 >> Stephen: I HOPE SO I AM NOT GOING TO GEPT IN YOUR WAY, THAT 385 00:25:21,753 --> 00:25:24,756 IS WHAT I WANT TO KNOW. >> WHAT DO YOU WANT TO MAKE, 386 00:25:24,823 --> 00:25:27,359 SOMETHING SIMPLE. >> Stephen: WHATEVER, YOU ARE 387 00:25:27,425 --> 00:25:33,164 THE CHEF. NOTHING FROO-FROO. 388 00:25:33,231 --> 00:25:37,435 >> YEAH, NOTHING FROO. >> HOW ABOUT COLBERT DIESEL 389 00:25:37,502 --> 00:25:41,406 BROWNIES. >> Stephen: IT'S A DEAL. 390 00:25:41,473 --> 00:25:43,942 "SHAQ'S FAMILY STYLE" IS ON SALE TOMORROW, 391 00:25:44,009 --> 00:25:47,913 BUT STICK AROUND, WE'RE GOING TO COOK WITH CHEF O'NEAL, WE'LL BE 392 00:25:47,979 --> 00:25:49,881 RYBACK WITH MAYIM BIALIK, EVERYBODY. 393 00:26:05,430 --> 00:26:09,567 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY. WELCOME BACK, TO THE SHOW FROM 394 00:26:09,634 --> 00:26:12,237 THE COMMERCIAL BREAK, HOPE YOU HAD A GOOD ONE. 395 00:26:12,304 --> 00:26:15,707 FOLKS YOU KNOW MY NEXT GUEST FROM HER 396 00:26:15,774 --> 00:26:19,311 ROLES IN "THE BIG BANG THEORY" AND "BLOSSOM" AND AS A NEW HOST 397 00:26:19,377 --> 00:26:22,948 OF "JEOPARDY." NOW SHE'S MAKING HER 398 00:26:23,014 --> 00:26:30,255 DIRECTORIAL DEBUT WITH THE FILM, "AS THEY MADE US." 399 00:26:30,322 --> 00:26:33,391 MRS. C, I'M GOING TO BE BLUNT, I KNOW YOU ARE CONTINUING TO MAKE 400 00:26:33,458 --> 00:26:35,894 APPOINTMENTS WEEKLY BUT YOUR HUSBAND IS NOT GOING TO GET 401 00:26:35,961 --> 00:26:40,799 BETTER. >> SO DO YOU MEAN WE-- WE 402 00:26:40,865 --> 00:26:43,768 BROUGHT HIM TO A DOCTOR, TO A HOSPITAL WHERE THEY CAN'T FIX 403 00:26:43,835 --> 00:26:47,339 HIM? >> NO HE'S GOING TO DN CONTINUE 404 00:26:47,405 --> 00:26:51,042 TO DECLINE AT A MORE RAPID RATE NOW AND YOU NEED TO TALK ABOUT 405 00:26:51,109 --> 00:26:52,510 HOSPICE. >> HOSPICE WHAT IS THAT? 406 00:26:52,577 --> 00:26:55,313 >> HOSPICE MEANS WE DON'T THINK HE CAN LIVE LONGER THAN SIX 407 00:26:55,380 --> 00:26:58,383 MONTHS. >> HE'S GOT TO EAT MORE. 408 00:26:58,450 --> 00:27:03,321 MAYBE IF YOU GAVE HIM AN ENEMA IT WOULD MAKE ROOM FOR MORE 409 00:27:03,388 --> 00:27:07,292 FOOD. >> NO, YOU HAVE TO STOP TRYING 410 00:27:07,359 --> 00:27:09,361 TO FORCE HIM TO EAT. >> IF HE DOESN'T EAT HE'S GOING 411 00:27:09,427 --> 00:27:15,500 TO DIE. >> YES, MA'AM, HE'S GOING TO 412 00:27:15,567 --> 00:27:16,668 DIE. >> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME BACK 413 00:27:16,735 --> 00:27:27,412 TO "THE LATE SHOW," MAYIM BIALIK! 414 00:27:27,479 --> 00:27:38,323 ♪ FLIES TO SEE YOU AGAIN. >> NICE TO SEE YOU. 415 00:27:38,390 --> 00:27:41,393 >> Stephen: WE JUST HAD SHAQ OUT HERE, AND YOU AND I WERE 416 00:27:41,459 --> 00:27:45,463 TALKING BACKSTAGE ABOUT HOW TRULY LARGE THE MAN IS. 417 00:27:45,530 --> 00:27:47,732 AND YEAH. >> LARGER-THAN-LIFE. 418 00:27:47,799 --> 00:27:49,100 >> Stephen: EXACTLY. AND I WAS WONDER, HAD YOU EVER 419 00:27:49,167 --> 00:27:50,835 MET HIM BEFORE, DONE ANYTHING WITH HIM BEFORE. 420 00:27:50,902 --> 00:27:54,539 >> HE PASSED BY ME AT THE LOBBY OF A HOTEL AT AN NBA ALL-STAR 421 00:27:54,606 --> 00:27:57,709 GAME WHEN I WAS LIKE 15. >> Stephen: AND IT STUCK WITH 422 00:27:57,776 --> 00:27:59,944 YOU. >> HE WAS IN A GIGANTIC FUR 423 00:28:00,011 --> 00:28:01,179 COAT. >> Stephen: SO A MAN THAT 424 00:28:01,246 --> 00:28:03,014 LARGE. >> THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I SAID, 425 00:28:03,081 --> 00:28:07,052 THAT'S A LOT OF FUR. >> Stephen: SO HE LOOKED LIKE 426 00:28:07,118 --> 00:28:09,421 CHEWBACCA. >> NOW THAT YOU SAY IT, YES. 427 00:28:09,487 --> 00:28:11,656 >> Stephen: THIS IS A BIG WEEK FOR YOU BECAUSE ARE YOU MAKING 428 00:28:11,723 --> 00:28:15,660 YOUR DIRECTORIAL DEBUT WITH THE FLU FILM "AS THEY MADE US" AND 429 00:28:15,727 --> 00:28:17,829 I'VE GOT A COUPLE OF THOUGHTS HERE. 430 00:28:17,896 --> 00:28:19,664 >> OH. >> Stephen: THIS IS, IT LOOKS 431 00:28:19,731 --> 00:28:22,133 LIKE YOU ARE CLIMBING A TREE BUT ARE YOU ACTUALLY DIRECTING. 432 00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:25,837 >> WE WERE TAKING OUR CAST AND CREW PHOTO AND THERE WASN'T ROOM 433 00:28:25,904 --> 00:28:27,639 FOR ME SO I CLIMBED A TREE. >> Stephen: BUT YOU ARE THE 434 00:28:27,705 --> 00:28:29,808 DIRECTOR, YOU PUT YOURSELF IN THE TREE. 435 00:28:29,874 --> 00:28:31,309 >> BETTER THAN PUTTING MYSELF IN THE CORNER. 436 00:28:31,376 --> 00:28:34,412 >> Stephen: I GUESS SO. AND YOU WROTE IT. 437 00:28:34,479 --> 00:28:37,715 >> I DID. >> Stephen: WHY WAS IT-- 438 00:28:37,782 --> 00:28:45,190 (APPLAUSE) WHAT WAS-- WHAT WAS, THE FIRST 439 00:28:45,256 --> 00:28:46,391 FILM YOU DIRECT HAS TO BE VERY PERSONAL. 440 00:28:46,458 --> 00:28:49,060 WHAT IS IT, WHY DID YOU WANT TO TELL THIS STORY? 441 00:28:49,127 --> 00:28:53,631 >> I DIDN'T NECESSARILY WANT TO WRITE IF, I FELT A NEED TO WRITE 442 00:28:53,698 --> 00:28:58,203 SOME OF THESE THINGS DOWN. MY FATHER DIED SEVEN YEARS AGO 443 00:28:58,269 --> 00:29:04,375 AND THERE IS A VERY TRADITIONAL YEAR IN MOURNING N TRADITIONAL 444 00:29:04,442 --> 00:29:09,380 JUDAISM OF A VERY DEEP IMMERSION LOTS OF MEGS AND AVOIDING 445 00:29:09,447 --> 00:29:11,382 INTERACTION WITH THINGS THAT NORMALLY BRING JOY, ARE YOU 446 00:29:11,449 --> 00:29:13,418 MOURNING. AND AFTER THAT, A LOT OF THINGS 447 00:29:13,485 --> 00:29:15,653 TEND TO OPEN UP. EMOTIONALLY. 448 00:29:15,720 --> 00:29:17,655 AND WHAT I STARTED FEELING COMPELLED TO DO WAS WRITE. 449 00:29:17,722 --> 00:29:22,927 I WASN'T THINKING I'M GOING TO MAKE A MOVIE AND I'M GOING TO 450 00:29:22,994 --> 00:29:25,697 CAST-- I WROTE AS MANY WRITERS DO BECAUSE WE FEEL WE HAVE TO. 451 00:29:25,763 --> 00:29:29,634 AND I THOUGHT OH, NOW THEY'LL HIRE A REAL WRITER TO WRITE IT 452 00:29:29,701 --> 00:29:32,604 AND WHEN I SHOWED IT TO MY AGENCY, THEY SAID NOPE, YOU 453 00:29:32,670 --> 00:29:35,673 WROTE IT AND NOW WE NEED TO FIND A DIRECTOR. 454 00:29:35,740 --> 00:29:39,644 AND I SAID OH, THEY'LL HIRE A REAL DIRECTOR, I HAVEN'T 455 00:29:39,711 --> 00:29:40,645 DIRECTED LIKE. THIS BUT I KIND-OF-KNEW HOW I 456 00:29:40,712 --> 00:29:44,949 WANTED IT TO LOOK, AND SO HERE WE ARE. 457 00:29:45,016 --> 00:29:46,985 >> Stephen: AND HERE IS WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE. 458 00:29:47,051 --> 00:29:49,687 THERE YOU ARE. DIRECTING ON SET. 459 00:29:49,754 --> 00:29:52,056 >> YEP. >> Stephen: THERE ON SET. 460 00:29:52,123 --> 00:29:54,392 >> IN A CEMETERY. >> Stephen: IN A CEMETERY. 461 00:29:54,459 --> 00:29:57,629 >> SPOILER ALERT, THERE IS A CEMETERY. 462 00:29:57,695 --> 00:29:59,664 >> Stephen: RIGHT, I UNDERSTAND THERE WAS A TRADITION 463 00:29:59,731 --> 00:30:02,634 YOU STARTED ON SET. >> OH, I MEAN IT WAS A TRADITION 464 00:30:02,700 --> 00:30:04,469 STARTED THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO. >> Stephen: YOU BROUGHT IT TO 465 00:30:04,536 --> 00:30:06,671 SET. >> WHEN FRIDAY NIGHT CAME ON THE 466 00:30:06,738 --> 00:30:10,842 FIRST FRIDAY THAT WE WERE FILMING, IT FELT APPROPRIATE TO 467 00:30:10,909 --> 00:30:16,648 BRING IN THE FAB-- WE DID A COMMUNAL CAST AND CREW, WE LIT 468 00:30:16,714 --> 00:30:21,686 CANNED ELEVATORS HAD KOSHER GRAPE JUICE AND MY FANTASTIC 469 00:30:21,753 --> 00:30:26,424 MAKEUP ARTIST WOULD GETS HALLA FOR US SO WE COULD MAKE A FULL 470 00:30:26,491 --> 00:30:28,626 CHABBATE AND SOMETIMES WE WOULD KEEP WORKING AS IT WERE. 471 00:30:28,693 --> 00:30:33,198 BUT MANY PEOPLE SAID THEY NEVER HAD CHABBATE ON A SET AND EVEN 472 00:30:33,264 --> 00:30:37,735 JEWISH CREW MEMBERS WERE LIKE HOT LIGHTING GUY IS JEWISH, 473 00:30:37,802 --> 00:30:40,205 AWESOME. WE OPENED UP THE DATING POOL AS 474 00:30:40,271 --> 00:30:42,674 WELL. >> Stephen: THE FILM HAS A LOT 475 00:30:42,740 --> 00:30:45,109 OF PEOPLE, A LOT OF REMINISCEANCES OF THE TRIP THAT 476 00:30:45,176 --> 00:30:47,078 THE DAUGHTER HAS WITH THE FATHER. 477 00:30:47,145 --> 00:30:51,649 AND I WANTED TO ASK YOU THESE TWO PHOTOS HERE, YOU BROUGHT IN 478 00:30:51,716 --> 00:30:53,518 YOURSELF. YOU TOOK SOME TRIPS WITH YOUR 479 00:30:53,585 --> 00:30:58,590 DAD. >> MY FATHER AND I TOOK FOUR 480 00:30:58,656 --> 00:31:03,528 FATHER DAUGHTER ROAD TRIPS AND ONE OF THEM WE WENT TO OUR OWN 481 00:31:03,595 --> 00:31:08,166 PERSONAL MECCA WHICH IS TIBBING, MINNESOTA, THE BIRTH PLACE OF 482 00:31:08,233 --> 00:31:11,035 ROBERT ZIMMERMAN ALSO KNOWN AS BOB DYLAN AND THAT IS BOB 483 00:31:11,102 --> 00:31:13,438 DYLAN'S CHILDHOOD HOME OR SO THEY TOLD US. 484 00:31:13,504 --> 00:31:15,673 AND WE TOOK PICTURES IN FRONT OF IT. 485 00:31:15,740 --> 00:31:19,744 >> Stephen: IS IT, DID YOU FIND OUT LATE THARY IT WASN'T OR 486 00:31:19,811 --> 00:31:21,145 IT IS. >> I AM GOING TO BELIEVE IT IS. 487 00:31:21,212 --> 00:31:22,847 >> Stephen: THERE IS NO SIGN OR ANYTHING. 488 00:31:22,914 --> 00:31:25,917 >> IT IS A VERY SMALL TOWN. THEY'RE LIKE GO TO THAT CORNER, 489 00:31:25,984 --> 00:31:27,986 THAT IS HIS HOUSE, WE DID, WE TOOK A PICTURE. 490 00:31:28,052 --> 00:31:29,587 WE TELL PEOPLE LIKE YOU ABOUT IT. 491 00:31:29,654 --> 00:31:33,224 >> Stephen: BESIDES THE FACT THAT HE IS A BRILLIANT ARTIST 492 00:31:33,291 --> 00:31:34,926 WHAT IS IT ABOUT DYLAN THAT YOU AND YOUR FATHER SHARED. 493 00:31:34,993 --> 00:31:38,730 >> WELL, SO MY FATHER AND HI A VERY DEEP MUSICAL COLLECTION. 494 00:31:38,796 --> 00:31:41,432 MY DAD WAS-- DIDN'T PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS BUT HAD A BEAUTIFUL 495 00:31:41,499 --> 00:31:44,969 EAR AND KIND OF FOR EVERY YEAR OF MY LIFE THERE WAS A SONG THAT 496 00:31:45,036 --> 00:31:47,138 HE ALWAYS PLAYED IN THE HOUSE FOR MOST OF THAT YEAR. 497 00:31:47,205 --> 00:31:50,775 SO I HAVE KIND OF A BUILT-IN SOUNDTRACK OF MY LIFE. 498 00:31:50,842 --> 00:31:55,413 SO WHEN I MADE AS THEY MADE US I WANTED TO TELL IT THREE WAYS 499 00:31:55,480 --> 00:31:58,516 WITH IMAGES AS WELL AS MUSIC. >> Stephen: THERE WOULD BE ONE 500 00:31:58,583 --> 00:32:00,885 SONG OF DYLAN THAT KIND OF DOMINATES THE YEAR. 501 00:32:00,952 --> 00:32:03,187 >> PRETTY MUCH. >> Stephen: LIKE WHAT. 502 00:32:03,254 --> 00:32:07,659 >> IT WOULD DEPEND, ONE YEAR IT WAS JOKERMAN WHICH IS A OFTEN IF 503 00:32:07,725 --> 00:32:14,999 I DELS, AND ANOTHER YEAR ABANDON LVE OR WHEN BOOT LEG 1, 2, 3 504 00:32:15,066 --> 00:32:17,435 CAME OUT. >> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE A 505 00:32:17,502 --> 00:32:19,237 FAVORITE. >> IT SLIEK DO YOU HAVE A 506 00:32:19,304 --> 00:32:22,540 FAVORITE CHILD, YOU KIND OF DO BUT YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT IT ON 507 00:32:22,607 --> 00:32:24,709 COLBERT. >> Stephen: IS HAVE YOU MED 508 00:32:24,776 --> 00:32:29,180 BOB DYLAN. >> I HAD MET HIM, HE WAS 509 00:32:29,247 --> 00:32:31,582 PARENTSLY IN FRIENDS FRIENDS WIE MIDLER AND I WAS IN BEACHES WHEN 510 00:32:31,649 --> 00:32:37,021 I WAS 13, AND I GOT A CALL WHEN I WAS 17 FROM MY AGENCY AT THE 511 00:32:37,088 --> 00:32:39,590 TIME SAIDING MR. DYLAN HAS REQUESTED YOUR PRESENCE 512 00:32:39,657 --> 00:32:44,162 BACKSTAGE AT THE HOLLYWOOD BOWL, AND I SAID I WILL BE-- . 513 00:32:44,228 --> 00:32:45,530 >> Stephen: YOU WEREN'T GOING TO GO. 514 00:32:45,596 --> 00:32:50,234 >> NO, IT WAS SANTANA, IT WAS GOING TO BE CROWDEDK I WENT 515 00:32:50,301 --> 00:32:53,604 BACKSTAGE AS DIRECTED AND BETTE MIDLER SPEAKS HIGHLY OF YOU AND 516 00:32:53,671 --> 00:32:57,575 I HOPE YOU ENJOY THE SHOW, THAT WAS CRAZY, BUT IT WAS VERY NICE. 517 00:32:57,642 --> 00:33:03,214 THAT IS IT THOUGH. HE DIDN'T ASK IF SHE UD SHELL 518 00:33:03,281 --> 00:33:04,782 HIS MUSICAL CATALOG, NOT CHECKING IN WITH ME. 519 00:33:04,849 --> 00:33:09,187 >> Stephen: STO YOUR FAVORITE DYLAN -- DYLAN SONG IS WHAT. 520 00:33:09,253 --> 00:33:11,055 > I WILL SAY NEXT TIME. >> Stephen: IT WAS LOVELY TO 521 00:33:11,122 --> 00:33:13,424 SIGH. >> GREAT TO SEE YOU 522 00:33:13,491 --> 00:33:15,526 >> Stephen: "JEOPARDY" AIRS WEEKNIGHTS, AND THE FILM, "AS 523 00:33:15,593 --> 00:33:21,432 THEY MADE US," IS IN THEATERS AND ON DEMAND THIS FRIDAY. 524 00:33:21,499 --> 00:33:23,768 WHRTION "CALL ME CAT" ON FOX. WHEN WE COME BACK, COOKING WITH 525 00:33:23,835 --> 00:33:24,669 SHAQUILLE O'NEAL. 526 00:33:33,578 --> 00:33:40,451 >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK. HERE WE GO RIGHT HERE, 527 00:33:40,518 --> 00:33:41,719 WE'RE BACK WITH THE ATHLETE TURNED ENTREPRENEUR, SPORTS 528 00:33:41,786 --> 00:33:43,388 ANALYST, D.J., AND NOW, AUTHOR OF HIS VERY FIRST 529 00:33:43,454 --> 00:33:47,492 COOKBOOK. PLEASE WELCOME BACK, SHAQUILLE 530 00:33:47,558 --> 00:33:51,062 O'NEAL! SHAQ, GOOD STO SLU HERE, THERE 531 00:33:51,129 --> 00:33:54,165 YOU GO, ALL RIGHT, SHAQ, WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE? 532 00:33:54,232 --> 00:33:58,035 WHAT ARE WE MAKING TODAY. >> WE'RE MAKING COLBERT DIESEL 533 00:33:58,102 --> 00:34:00,905 OREO BROWNIES. >> Stephen: COLBERT DIESEL 534 00:34:00,972 --> 00:34:02,206 WHAT IS THE DIESEL PART. >> DECEMBER SELL ME. 535 00:34:02,273 --> 00:34:04,909 >> Stephen: ARE YOU DIESEL. >> ARE YOU COLBERT. 536 00:34:04,976 --> 00:34:07,378 >> Stephen: I'M COLBERT, GOT IT. 537 00:34:07,445 --> 00:34:08,913 >> AND THE OREO, BLACK AND WHITE. 538 00:34:08,980 --> 00:34:13,217 >> Stephen: OH, THERE YOU GO, SURE. 539 00:34:13,284 --> 00:34:15,353 >> ARE YOU READY. >> Stephen: I'M ABSOLUTELY 540 00:34:15,420 --> 00:34:16,587 READY. HAVE I MELTED CHOCOLATE. 541 00:34:16,654 --> 00:34:19,424 THAT IS ALWAYS A GOOD START. >> FIRST WE START WITH THE EGG. 542 00:34:19,490 --> 00:34:20,792 >> Stephen: HOW MANY EGGS DO YOU NEED. 543 00:34:20,858 --> 00:34:23,094 >> ALL OF THEM. >> Stephen: ALL OF THEM, 544 00:34:23,161 --> 00:34:25,563 WATCH, THIS ONE HAND CRACK, LOOK AT THAT. 545 00:34:25,630 --> 00:34:27,498 >> OH, SHOW OFF. >> Stephen: COME ON, BABY. 546 00:34:27,565 --> 00:34:29,700 >> ALL RIGHT. >> Stephen: ONE HAND CRACK, NO 547 00:34:29,767 --> 00:34:33,337 IDEA HOW MUCH SHELL I'M PUTTING IN THERE. 548 00:34:33,404 --> 00:34:36,107 >> SO WE STIR THIS UNTIL IT GETS FLUFERY B THREE MINUTES. 549 00:34:36,174 --> 00:34:39,544 >> Stephen: SHOULD I TURN IT UP, IS THAT AS FAST AS IT GOES. 550 00:34:39,610 --> 00:34:43,481 >> YOU'RE INTERRUPTING. >> Stephen: THREE MINUTE SAYS 551 00:34:43,548 --> 00:34:46,918 LONG TIME ON A LATE NIGHT SHOW IS ALL I AM SAYING THARK SAY 552 00:34:46,984 --> 00:34:48,686 LONG TIME. HOLD ON. 553 00:34:48,753 --> 00:34:51,355 >> ONE MINUTE 45,. >> Stephen: I GOT SOME OF MY 554 00:34:51,422 --> 00:34:53,624 SHELL IN THERE. IT IS LIKE CAR WHEELS ON A GRAPH 555 00:34:53,691 --> 00:34:58,396 EL ROAD. NOW LISTEN S THIS, WE ARE DOING, 556 00:34:58,463 --> 00:35:01,499 BROWNIES, IS THAT THE DIET FOR AN ELITE ATHLETE. 557 00:35:01,566 --> 00:35:05,369 >> THREE MINUTES, I'M NOT AN ELITE ATHLETE, I'M RETIRED SIR. 558 00:35:05,436 --> 00:35:07,505 YOU TAKE THIS, RIGHT HERE, AND COULD YOU POUR THAT IN. 559 00:35:07,572 --> 00:35:10,007 >> Stephen: POUR THIS IN HERE, NOT TOO HOT, BUT IT IS GOING TO 560 00:35:10,074 --> 00:35:15,146 COOK THE EGGS IT IS SO HOT. >> LISTEN, FOUR IN THERE. 561 00:35:15,213 --> 00:35:17,648 >> Stephen: I FORE GOT, IT'S TV, WE CAN JUST LIE TO THE 562 00:35:17,715 --> 00:35:19,484 PEOPLE. THERE YOU GO. 563 00:35:19,550 --> 00:35:20,518 >> NOT GOING TO COOK THAT, NO, NO. 564 00:35:20,585 --> 00:35:23,488 >> Stephen: DON'T DO THAT. >> Stephen: I'M SORRY. 565 00:35:23,554 --> 00:35:27,492 >> I OVERSTEPPED MY BOUNDARIES. >> YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS. 566 00:35:27,558 --> 00:35:28,626 >> Stephen: BROWN SUGAR. >> OKAY, GOOD JOB. 567 00:35:28,693 --> 00:35:32,930 >> Stephen: THANK YOU. DUMP THAT ALL IN THERE. 568 00:35:32,997 --> 00:35:36,667 WHICH ONE IS THIS. >> Stephen: WHOA, THAT IS 569 00:35:36,734 --> 00:35:40,705 CHOCOLATE POWDER. >> NO, COCO. 570 00:35:40,771 --> 00:35:45,376 >> Stephen: BUT THAT WHAT-- WHAT IS THAT CHOCOLATE 571 00:35:45,443 --> 00:35:47,111 POWDER IS. >> VANILLA. 572 00:35:47,178 --> 00:35:50,548 >> Stephen: THAT IS VANILLA. >> GOOD JOB, OKAY. 573 00:35:50,615 --> 00:35:52,850 WHAT IS THAT. >> Stephen: THAT IS SALT, THAT 574 00:35:52,917 --> 00:35:55,720 IS A LOT OF SALT, MAN. >> AND THEN SUGAR. 575 00:35:55,786 --> 00:35:57,388 >> Stephen: THAT IS SUGAR RIGHT THERE. 576 00:35:57,455 --> 00:36:00,224 AND WHAT IS THAT OVER THERE, IS THAT THE DIESEL. 577 00:36:00,291 --> 00:36:02,827 >> NO, THIS IS MORE OREO. >> Stephen: DO WE PUT THAT. 578 00:36:02,894 --> 00:36:05,630 >> PUT THAT IN THERE DON'T TURN IT UP SO HIGH, WILL YOU MESS 579 00:36:05,696 --> 00:36:09,500 YOUR SUIT UP. >> Stephen: I FEEL LIKE I'VE 580 00:36:09,567 --> 00:36:11,502 REALLY GOTTEN OFF TO A BAD START. 581 00:36:11,569 --> 00:36:14,405 THAT'S KICK UP A FAIR AMOUNT OF DUST, I HOPE NO ONE HAS 582 00:36:14,472 --> 00:36:21,245 ALLERGIES, THAT LOOKS FANTASTIC. NOW DO YOU LICK THE BEATER? 583 00:36:21,312 --> 00:36:24,549 YOU KNOW, IF SOMEONE-- YOU KNOW F SOMEONE ISED GOO LIKE IF THE 584 00:36:24,615 --> 00:36:28,786 KIDS ARE IN THE KITCHEN THEY ARE GOOD, THEY GET TO LICK THE 585 00:36:28,853 --> 00:36:30,955 BATTER, THE BEATER OFF THE BATTER. 586 00:36:31,022 --> 00:36:32,056 >> NO, SIR. >> Stephen: YOU DON'T. 587 00:36:32,123 --> 00:36:34,225 >> NO. >> Stephen: OKAY, NO BIG DEAL. 588 00:36:34,292 --> 00:36:36,627 NO JUDGESMENT. NO JUDGMENT. 589 00:36:36,694 --> 00:36:39,964 >> YEAH. >> Stephen: YOU KNOW. 590 00:36:40,031 --> 00:36:41,632 >> CHARLES MAY LICK THE BEATER BUT I DON'T. 591 00:36:41,699 --> 00:36:51,876 >> Stephen: NOW WE ALL-- (LAUGHTER). 592 00:36:51,943 --> 00:36:53,277 >> Stephen: THAT'S IT, LOOKING GOOD. 593 00:36:53,344 --> 00:36:55,680 >> ALL RIGHT, YOU READY, HELP ME OUT, HELP ME OUT. 594 00:36:55,746 --> 00:36:59,417 >> Stephen: OH, I'M ON IT. I'M ON IT. 595 00:36:59,483 --> 00:37:01,319 >> ONE FOR ME. >> Stephen: THERE YOU GO. 596 00:37:01,385 --> 00:37:03,354 >> NOT ALL OF IT. >> Stephen: I'M NOT DOING ALL 597 00:37:03,421 --> 00:37:07,325 OF IT. >> ONE FOR YOU, MARTHA STEWART 598 00:37:07,391 --> 00:37:08,893 AND SNOOP DOGG, WE'RE COMING FOR YOU. 599 00:37:08,960 --> 00:37:14,065 LETTING YOU KNOW RIGHT NOW. ALL RIGHT, COME ON OVER HERE. 600 00:37:14,131 --> 00:37:16,367 >> Stephen: HAVE YOU MET MARTHA. 601 00:37:16,434 --> 00:37:17,835 >> YES, HAVE I KNOW MARTHA VERY WELL. 602 00:37:17,902 --> 00:37:20,705 >> Stephen: YOU KNOW MARTHA VERY WELL, I JUST ASKED IF YOU 603 00:37:20,771 --> 00:37:23,474 HAD MET HER. YOU DON'T HAVE TO BRAG. 604 00:37:23,541 --> 00:37:26,544 >> LET'S CRUSH SOME OREOS. >> Stephen: TAKE YOUR HANDS 605 00:37:26,611 --> 00:37:29,246 AND CRUSH THEM, LIKE THAT. >> YEAH, THAT'S GOOD. 606 00:37:29,313 --> 00:37:34,285 >> Stephen: UH-HUH, AND THIS WILL GIVE ME MY PROTEIN. 607 00:37:34,352 --> 00:37:35,486 IS WHAT THIS. >> A LOT OF PROTEIN. 608 00:37:35,553 --> 00:37:38,456 >> Stephen: THERE YOU GO. >> THEN COME OVER HERE, YOU KNOW 609 00:37:38,522 --> 00:37:41,626 WHAT THIS IS? >> Stephen: THAT IS TWO SCANS 610 00:37:41,692 --> 00:37:48,799 OF SPAM WHAT IS THAT. >> NO, ST DULCE DE LECHE. 611 00:37:48,866 --> 00:37:50,735 >> Stephen: SWEETENED MILK. >> YOU KNOW IF YOU COOK IT FOR 612 00:37:50,801 --> 00:37:53,504 AN HOUR OR TWO IT TURNS INTO CARAMEL. 613 00:37:53,571 --> 00:37:58,609 >> Stephen: THAT HAS BEEN COOKING FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS, 614 00:37:58,676 --> 00:38:03,481 SEALED BUT THAT IS NOT GOING TO SLOW AND COVER YOU-- -- I WILL 615 00:38:03,547 --> 00:38:07,051 BACK OFFER A LITTLE BIT. I'M GOING TO BACK OFF JUST A 616 00:38:07,118 --> 00:38:09,153 LITTLE BIT. >> IT'S KIND OF HOT. 617 00:38:09,220 --> 00:38:13,724 >> Stephen: YOU SURE, CAREFUL. >> IT TURNS INTO CARAMEL, BUDDY, 618 00:38:13,791 --> 00:38:19,497 SEE, LOOK AT THAT. >> Stephen: FOR REAL. 619 00:38:19,563 --> 00:38:23,167 >> MARTHA AND SNOOP ARE WATCHING US. 620 00:38:23,234 --> 00:38:24,201 LET'S GO. RIGHT THERE. 621 00:38:24,268 --> 00:38:26,604 THERE YOU GO. >> Stephen: THERE YOU GO, 622 00:38:26,671 --> 00:38:27,638 THERE IT IS. >> ONE FOR YOU. 623 00:38:27,705 --> 00:38:29,740 >> Stephen: NOW WHAT DO WE DO? >> YOU HAVE TO-- . 624 00:38:29,807 --> 00:38:32,410 >> Stephen: WHAT? >> WHISK. 625 00:38:32,476 --> 00:38:35,713 >> Stephen: HAVE TO WHISK. >> YEAH. 626 00:38:35,780 --> 00:38:39,483 >> Stephen: ALL RIGHT. WHERE DID YOU LEARN THESE 627 00:38:39,550 --> 00:38:43,487 RECIPES. >> YOUTUBE. 628 00:38:43,554 --> 00:38:51,495 (LAUGHTER). >> Stephen: ALL RIGHT. 629 00:38:51,562 --> 00:38:54,865 ARE YOU DOING LIKE VIDEO-- PEANUT BUTTER. 630 00:38:54,932 --> 00:38:57,668 >> OF COURSE IT IS. >> Stephen: DON'T SAY OF 631 00:38:57,735 --> 00:39:01,706 COURSE, DIDN'T YOU SAY YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT PEANUT 632 00:39:01,772 --> 00:39:03,474 BUTTER. >> BECAUSE EVERYBODY KNEW IT WAS 633 00:39:03,541 --> 00:39:06,711 ME BUTT-- PEANUT BUTTER, SIR. >> Stephen: I JUST GOT UP HERE 634 00:39:06,777 --> 00:39:10,481 AND IT DIDN'T, IT SMELLED LIKE PEANUT BUTTER. 635 00:39:10,548 --> 00:39:13,050 >> NOW WE CAN GO TO THE FUTURE. >> Stephen: ALL RIGHT, I'M 636 00:39:13,117 --> 00:39:19,490 READY TO GO TO THE FUTURE. >> LOOK WHAT WE MADE, WOW! 637 00:39:19,557 --> 00:39:25,830 (APPLAUSE) ARE YOU KIDDING ME? 638 00:39:25,896 --> 00:39:29,600 WOULD YOU LIKE SOME, HERE. >> Stephen: SURE, I WILL TAKE 639 00:39:29,667 --> 00:39:31,469 SOME ICE CREAM. WANT TO GIVE THIS TO THE 640 00:39:31,535 --> 00:39:35,606 AUDIENCE, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO WITH THIS? 641 00:39:35,673 --> 00:39:36,407 >> YEAH! (APPLAUSE) 642 00:39:36,474 --> 00:39:39,477 >> AND PUT SOME OF THIS ON TOP OF IT. 643 00:39:39,543 --> 00:39:43,414 >> Stephen: AH, DAMN, SON, THAT IS GOOD. 644 00:39:43,481 --> 00:39:46,016 THAT WILL DO IT, LOOK AT THAT, THIS IS WINNING. 645 00:39:46,083 --> 00:39:49,653 I'M WINNING. >> THAT IS HOW YOU MAKE IT. 646 00:39:49,720 --> 00:39:51,589 >> Stephen: ARE YOU READY FOR THE PLAYOFFS. 647 00:39:51,655 --> 00:39:55,493 >> CHARLES BARKLEY, I GOT YOUR APPETIZER. 648 00:39:55,559 --> 00:40:01,298 THAT'S IT. >> Stephen: THE BOOK, 649 00:40:01,365 --> 00:40:03,467 (APPLAUSE) THE BOOK IS 650 00:40:03,534 --> 00:40:11,642 "SHAQ'S FAMILY STYLE" IS , THE MAN IS SHAQ, THAT IS 651 00:40:11,709 --> 00:40:13,110 STYLE, WILL'S BE RIGHT BACK, EVERYBODY, SHAQUILLE O'NEAL. 652 00:40:18,616 --> 00:40:19,817 >> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW." 653 00:40:19,884 --> 00:40:23,921 TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS WILL BE OSCAR ISAAC AND POET AND 654 00:40:23,988 --> 00:40:27,725 SCHOLAR, ELIZABETH ALEXANDER. JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT. 655 00:40:27,792 --> 00:40:28,859 GOOD NIGHT.