1 00:00:02,001 --> 00:00:07,173 SUGGESTING VLADIMIR PUTIN IS BEING MISLED BY HIS MILITARY 2 00:00:07,240 --> 00:00:12,178 ADVISORS, TOO SCARED TO TELL HIM THE TRUTH ABOUT RUSSIA'S LOSSES 3 00:00:12,245 --> 00:00:14,681 IN UKRAINE. >> GOOD MORNING, 4 00:00:14,748 --> 00:00:17,951 PRESIDENT PUTIN. HERE ARE LATEST DEVELOPMENT IN 5 00:00:18,017 --> 00:00:21,721 EFFORTLESS TAKEOVER OF UKRAINE. IN KYIV, HAPPY RUSSIAN SOLDIERS 6 00:00:21,788 --> 00:00:26,960 TO VICTORY DANCE, BIG SMILES AND GOOD TIMES. 7 00:00:27,026 --> 00:00:32,465 YOU SHOULD GIVE MINISTER OF DEFENSE SERGEI SHOIGU A RAISE. 8 00:00:32,532 --> 00:00:34,968 NOW TO EAST, WHERE A UKRAINIAN BRIDGE HAS BEEN FULLY 9 00:00:35,034 --> 00:00:37,971 DE-NAZIFIED. NICE WORK, SERGEI. 10 00:00:38,037 --> 00:00:42,509 BEST FRIEND FOREVER! WE HAVE ALSO CONQUERED 11 00:00:42,575 --> 00:00:47,480 CHERNIHIV, USING ONLY 300 MEN, ROCK-HARD ABS, BUT NONE AS 12 00:00:47,547 --> 00:00:51,484 SHREDDED AS YOU. LAST BUT NOT LEASTLY, IN THE 13 00:00:51,551 --> 00:00:55,488 REGION OF NARNIA, OUR WAR LIONS ACCOMPLISHED CONVINCING AND 14 00:00:55,555 --> 00:00:59,492 SWIFT DEFEAT OF TILDA SWINTON. DON'T POISON SERGEI. 15 00:00:59,559 --> 00:01:04,063 THE END. DO NOT GOOGLE CHECK. 16 00:01:04,130 --> 00:01:08,935 >> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW" WITH STEPHEN COLBERT! 17 00:01:09,002 --> 00:01:17,477 TONIGHT, NOT OKAY TV. PLUS STEPHEN WELCOMES JAMES 18 00:01:17,544 --> 00:01:23,716 McAVOY AND MUSICAL GUEST ARLO PARKS, WITH A SPECIAL APPEARANCE 19 00:01:23,783 --> 00:01:30,457 BY JANE KRAKOWSKI. FEATURING JON BATISTE AND "STAY 20 00:01:30,523 --> 00:01:34,060 HUMAN." AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE 21 00:01:34,127 --> 00:01:36,129 ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 22 00:01:41,668 --> 00:01:47,574 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( THEME SONG PLAYING ) 23 00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:57,350 THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE! GOOD TO SEE YA. 24 00:01:57,417 --> 00:02:00,954 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE ISIAH. 25 00:02:01,020 --> 00:02:07,527 WHAT'S GOING ON? ( AUDIENCE CHANTING STEPHEN ) 26 00:02:07,594 --> 00:02:16,002 >> Stephen: HEY! THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! 27 00:02:16,069 --> 00:02:16,970 ( PIANO RIFF ) WHOO! 28 00:02:17,036 --> 00:02:18,471 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, MY 29 00:02:18,538 --> 00:02:30,950 FRIENDS. THANK YOU VERY MUCH! 30 00:02:31,017 --> 00:02:33,586 WELCOME! WELCOME ONE AND ALL TO "THE LATE 31 00:02:33,653 --> 00:02:37,824 SHOW." I'M YOUR SHOWS STEPHEN COLBERT. 32 00:02:37,891 --> 00:02:39,792 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) FOLKS -- FIVE WEEKS? 33 00:02:39,859 --> 00:02:42,629 FIVE WEEKS TONIGHT. TONIGHT MARKS FIVE WEEKS SINCE 34 00:02:42,695 --> 00:02:45,899 THE START OF RUSSIA'S FAILED INVASION OF UKRAINE. 35 00:02:45,965 --> 00:02:49,002 REMEMBER, THE SO-CALLED MILITARY EXPERTS NOT JUST HERE BUT AROUND 36 00:02:49,068 --> 00:02:52,805 THE WORLD ALL PREDICTED PUTIN'S FORCES WOULD CONQUER KYIV IN 37 00:02:52,872 --> 00:02:56,943 LESS THAN THREE DAYS. THERE ARE A LOT OF REASONS IT'S 38 00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:59,379 GOING SO TERRIBLY. THE RUSSIAN TROOPS, THEY HAVE NO 39 00:02:59,445 --> 00:03:01,881 CLEAR PURPOSE. THE TROOPS ARE RUNNING OUT OF 40 00:03:01,948 --> 00:03:04,350 FOOD. AND TURNS OUT THEY HAVE REALLY 41 00:03:04,417 --> 00:03:09,122 BAD TECHNOLOGY. FOR INSTANCE, MOST MODERN 42 00:03:09,188 --> 00:03:12,959 MILITARY RADIOS ARE IMPOSSIBLE TO INTERCEPT, MANY RUSSIANS 43 00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:17,430 FORCES ARE COMMUNICATING ON UNENCRYPTED HIGH FREQUENCY 44 00:03:17,497 --> 00:03:21,968 CHANNELS THAT ALLOW ANYONE WITH A HAM RADIO TO EAVESDROP, TO 45 00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:25,438 WHICH RUSSIAN SOLDIERS SAID A RADIO MADE OF HAM? 46 00:03:25,505 --> 00:03:30,443 CAN I HAVE ONE? I'M SO HUNGRY! 47 00:03:30,510 --> 00:03:38,451 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) NOW, RUSSIA'S WALKIE-TALKIES ARE 48 00:03:38,518 --> 00:03:44,157 BEING BOMBARDED WITH HEAVY METAL MUSIC FROM UKRAINIAN OPERATORS. 49 00:03:44,223 --> 00:03:47,427 NOT BAD, HEAVY METAL. BUT IF UKRAINE REALLY WANTS TO 50 00:03:47,493 --> 00:03:51,731 MESS WITH RUSSIAN SOLDIERS, THEY SHOULD FLOOD THEIR 51 00:03:51,798 --> 00:03:55,234 WALKIE-TALKIES WITH AN UNBEARABLY LONG PODCAST. 52 00:03:55,301 --> 00:03:59,305 IT'S BEEN TWO HOURS AND MARK MERRIN IS STILL TALKING ABOUT 53 00:03:59,372 --> 00:04:06,512 HIS "SNL" AUDITION. WHAT THE HELL IS A MALE CHIMP? 54 00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:10,917 WHAT IS THIS MALE CHIMP? WTF? 55 00:04:10,984 --> 00:04:12,485 ( LAUGHTER ) VLADIMIR PUTIN MAY NOT BE AWARE 56 00:04:12,552 --> 00:04:18,591 OF HOW BAD HIS INVASION IS GOING BUZZ INTELLIGENCE SUGGESTS HIS 57 00:04:18,658 --> 00:04:23,930 ADVISORS MISINFORMED HIM ON UKRAINE. 58 00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:25,999 OWN PRORUSSIA.PROPAGANDA HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW THAT RUSSIA 59 00:04:37,010 --> 00:04:38,144 CALLED, "IVAN DRAGO STRONG GOOD." 60 00:04:38,211 --> 00:04:45,952 REPORTEDLY, SENIOR RUSSIAN OFFICIALS ARE WARY OF DELIVERING 61 00:04:46,019 --> 00:04:47,887 TRUTHFUL ASSESSMENTS - POTENTIALLY AFRAID THAT THE 62 00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:49,956 MESSENGERS OF BAD NEWS WILL BE HELD RESPONSILE FOR THE 63 00:04:50,023 --> 00:04:53,960 BATTLEFIELD FAILURES. OF COURSE THEY'RE AFRAID TO BE 64 00:04:54,027 --> 00:04:56,963 HONEST. NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY TO A 65 00:04:57,030 --> 00:05:01,901 PSYCHOTIC BOSS, YOU LOSE. HERE, I'LL SHOW YOU: 66 00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:03,403 HEY, LOUIS, I'VE BEEN OFFERED THE ROLE OF RIGOLETTO AT THE 67 00:05:03,469 --> 00:05:06,105 METROPOLITAN OPERA. DO YOU THINK I HAVE THE PIPES 68 00:05:06,172 --> 00:05:08,207 FOR IT? NOW BEAR IN MIND, IF YOU SAY NO, 69 00:05:08,274 --> 00:05:13,713 I WILL THROW YOU OFF THE BALCONY. 70 00:05:13,780 --> 00:05:14,847 BUT IF YOU SAY YES, AND I EMBARRASS MYSELF, I WILL ALSO 71 00:05:14,914 --> 00:05:21,721 THROW YOU OFF THE BALCONY. SO WHAT SHOULD I DO? 72 00:05:21,788 --> 00:05:23,389 BE HONEST! >> I THINK YOU SHOULD ASK JON 73 00:05:23,456 --> 00:05:27,827 WHEN HE GETS BACK. ( LAUGHTER ) 74 00:05:27,894 --> 00:05:31,397 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> STEPHEN: GOOD CHOICE. 75 00:05:31,464 --> 00:05:35,101 GOOD CHOICE. IT'S NOT JUST THE WAR. 76 00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:37,670 INTELLIGENCE ANALYSTS ALSO SAY THAT PUTIN HAS 77 00:05:37,737 --> 00:05:39,405 AN INCOMPLETE UNDERSTANDING ABOUT HOW DAMAGING WESTERN 78 00:05:39,472 --> 00:05:46,145 SANCTIONS HAVE BEEN ON THE RUSSIAN ECONOMY. 79 00:05:46,212 --> 00:05:49,215 LET ME TRY TO EXPLAIN IT: VLAD, IF YOU'RE PAYING WITH RUBLES, 80 00:05:49,282 --> 00:05:53,619 YOU CAN CROSS TOILET PAPER OFF YOUR SHOPPING LIST. 81 00:05:53,686 --> 00:05:56,656 LIFE IS HARD ON EVERYDAY RUSSIANS. 82 00:05:56,723 --> 00:05:59,358 PUTIN HAS CRACKED DOWN ON INDEPENDENT AND SOCIAL 83 00:05:59,425 --> 00:06:00,293 MEDIA. FOR INSTANCE, RUSSIA HAS BLOCKED 84 00:06:00,359 --> 00:06:04,897 INSTAGRAM. IT'S ONE THING TO TAKE AWAY FREE 85 00:06:04,964 --> 00:06:07,500 SPEECH, GOVERN THROUGH FEAR, AND COLLAPSE YOUR NATION'S ECONOMY, 86 00:06:07,567 --> 00:06:12,505 BUT NO BRUNCH 'GRAMS? THAT VIOLATES INTERNATIONAL LAW 87 00:06:12,572 --> 00:06:19,212 AND THE INTERNATIONAL HOUSE OF PANCAKES! 88 00:06:19,278 --> 00:06:22,415 THAT'S ROOTY TOOTY FRESH AND SCREWY. 89 00:06:22,482 --> 00:06:28,921 FRESH AND POOTY? I DON'T KNOW. 90 00:06:28,988 --> 00:06:30,289 THIS HAS BEEN PARTICULARLY TOUGH ON RUSSIAN INFLUENCERS, MANY OF 91 00:06:30,356 --> 00:06:31,424 WHOM POSTED VIDEOS OF TEARFUL 92 00:06:31,491 --> 00:06:35,728 GOODBYES TO THEIR FANS. OF COURSE INFLUENCERS ARE UPSET. 93 00:06:35,795 --> 00:06:39,398 INFLUENCERS HAVE NO OTHER MARKETABLE SKILLS. 94 00:06:39,465 --> 00:06:41,100 WHAT, ARE THEY GONNA GO DOOR-TO-DOOR TO MAKE PEOPLE FEEL 95 00:06:41,167 --> 00:06:48,741 BAD ABOUT NOT HAVING A THIGH GAP? 96 00:06:48,808 --> 00:06:52,211 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I DON'T KNOW IF I HAVE A THIGH 97 00:06:52,278 --> 00:06:55,014 GAP. DO I HAVE A THIGH GAP? 98 00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:56,182 ( LAUGHTER ) ONE GROUP OF RUSSIAN PROGRAMMERS 99 00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:59,385 HAS COME UP WITH A SOLUTION. THEY ARE RELEASING MELANCHOLY 100 00:06:59,452 --> 00:07:01,521 VERSION OF INSTAGRAM. WELL, THEN THEY'RE GONNA GET 101 00:07:01,587 --> 00:07:02,355 SUED, BECAUSE "A MELANCHOLY VERSION OF 102 00:07:02,421 --> 00:07:03,923 INSTAGRAM" IS ALREADY THE SLOGAN FOR 103 00:07:03,990 --> 00:07:10,530 LINKEDIN. ( LAUGHTER ) 104 00:07:10,596 --> 00:07:16,002 DON'T EMAIL ME. DON'T EMAIL ME. 105 00:07:16,068 --> 00:07:19,338 ( APPLAUSE ) THE NEW RUSSIAN APP IS CALLED 106 00:07:19,405 --> 00:07:24,010 'GRUSTNOGRAM', OR IN ENGLISH 'SADGRAM." 107 00:07:24,076 --> 00:07:25,945 ( LAUGHTER ) FITS IN WITH OTHER GREAT RUSSIAN 108 00:07:26,012 --> 00:07:29,582 SOCIAL MEDIA SITES LIKE "WHY THE LONG FACEBOOK?" AND 109 00:07:29,649 --> 00:07:31,417 "TIK TOK GOES THE CLOCK AS TIME MARCHES FORWARD, A DIFFICULT 110 00:07:31,484 --> 00:07:38,090 BIRTH ASTRIDE OF A GRAVE." # 111 00:07:38,157 --> 00:07:42,829 ( LAUGHTER ) SOMETIMES SAD IS FUNNY. 112 00:07:42,895 --> 00:07:46,265 SPEAKING OF SAD, IT'S BEEN 4 DAYS SINCE WILL SMITH SHOCKED 113 00:07:46,332 --> 00:07:48,734 THE WORLD BY ASSAULTING CHRIS ROCK ON THE OSCARS STAGE. 114 00:07:48,801 --> 00:07:49,936 BUT WE SHOULD'VE SEEN THIS COMING. 115 00:07:50,002 --> 00:07:59,412 HE REPEATEDLY WARNED US HE'S A BAD BOY FOR LIFE, BUT, 116 00:07:59,478 --> 00:08:01,314 NOW, THERE COULD BE MAYBE POSSIBLY CONSEQUENCES. 117 00:08:01,380 --> 00:08:03,382 I'LL BRING YOU THE LATEST IN MY HOPEFULLY-NOT-RECURRING SEGMENT 118 00:08:03,449 --> 00:08:05,451 "GETTIN' SLAPPY WIT IT" ( SLAP ) 119 00:08:18,397 --> 00:08:19,398 "GETTIN' SLAPPY WIT IT" ( SLAP ) 120 00:08:19,465 --> 00:08:25,905 N♪ (SINGING NAN ). A ♪ 121 00:08:25,972 --> 00:08:27,406 YESTERDAY, THE ACADEMY OF MOTIO PICTURE ARTS AND SCIENCES BEGAN 122 00:08:27,473 --> 00:08:28,674 DISCIPLINARY PROCEEDINGS AGAINST WILL SMITH. 123 00:08:28,741 --> 00:08:32,612 BUT FIRST THEY PUT ON A MOUTH GUARD AND A CUP, JUST IN CASE. 124 00:08:32,678 --> 00:08:35,014 AFTER A BOARD MEETING, THE OSCAR BIG-WIGS RELEASED A STATEMENT 125 00:08:35,081 --> 00:08:36,682 SAYING SMITH HAD VIOLATED THEIR CODE OF CONDUCT BY ENGAGING 126 00:08:36,749 --> 00:08:40,119 IN "INAPPROPRIATE PHYSICAL CONTACT, ABUSIVE OR 127 00:08:40,186 --> 00:08:44,690 THREATENING BEHAVIOR, AND COMPROMISING THE 128 00:08:44,757 --> 00:08:47,126 INTEGRITY OF THE ACADEMY." AND IT'S SO IMPORTANT TO 129 00:08:47,193 --> 00:08:49,428 PRESERVE THE INTEGRITY OF THE ACADEMY. 130 00:08:49,495 --> 00:08:56,068 ( FAKE COUGH ) ROMAN POLANSKI... 131 00:08:56,135 --> 00:09:01,607 ROMAN -- ROMAN -- ROMAN POLA POLANSKI. 132 00:09:01,674 --> 00:09:02,775 SORRY I JUST GOT A LITTLE TICKLE IN MY 133 00:09:02,842 --> 00:09:04,744 ( FAKE COUGH ) KEVIN SPACEY... 134 00:09:04,810 --> 00:09:06,178 KEVIN SPACEY... IN MY THROAT. 135 00:09:06,245 --> 00:09:11,951 ( COUGH ) HARVEY WEINSTEIN. 136 00:09:12,018 --> 00:09:15,621 HARVEY, HARVEY -- WEINSTEIN. ( LAUGHTER ) 137 00:09:15,688 --> 00:09:16,889 THE SLAP CLAP-BACK STARTED AS SOON AS PALM HIT FACE. 138 00:09:16,956 --> 00:09:19,058 BECAUSE YESTERDAY, THE ACADEMY REVEALED THAT SMITH WAS ASKED TO 139 00:09:19,125 --> 00:09:22,662 LEAVE THE SHOW BUT REFUSED TO DO SO. 140 00:09:22,728 --> 00:09:24,697 WELL, THEY PROBABLY DIDN'T HAVE THE RIGHT MAN ON THE JOB. 141 00:09:24,764 --> 00:09:31,904 UNCLE PHIL? "SO WHAT YOU THINK UNCLE PHIL?" 142 00:09:31,971 --> 00:09:38,044 THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE, PHIL. 143 00:09:38,110 --> 00:09:40,680 WOO! STRONG! 144 00:09:40,746 --> 00:09:44,350 ( APPLAUSE ) NOW, NOT EVERYONE AGREES WITH 145 00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:47,119 THE ACADEMY'S SIDE OF THE STORY. OTHER ATTENDEES CLAIM SOME 146 00:09:47,186 --> 00:09:51,357 ACADEMY MEMBERS EXPRESSED THAT THEY WANTED SMITH REMOVED, BUT 147 00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:53,259 NO FORMAL OR EXPLICIT ASK WAS EVER MADE, AND THAT ACTUALLY 148 00:09:53,326 --> 00:09:56,696 A PRODUCER SAID THAT HE AND THE PRODUCTION "OFFICIALLY" WANTED 149 00:09:56,762 --> 00:10:00,700 SMITH TO STAY FOR THE REMAINDER OF THE SHOW. 150 00:10:00,766 --> 00:10:08,474 BECAUSE THEY NEEDED HIM TO GET HIS OSCAR IN PERSON! 151 00:10:08,541 --> 00:10:10,042 OTHERWISE, YOU GOTTA SEND UP RITA MORENO TO SAY 152 00:10:10,109 --> 00:10:11,344 "WILL COULDN'T BE HERE. I'M HONORED TO SLAP CHRIS ROCK 153 00:10:11,410 --> 00:10:18,384 ON HIS BEHALF." ( APPLAUSE ) 154 00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:20,019 ( RIM SHOT ) WHATEVER REALLY HAPPENED THAT 155 00:10:20,086 --> 00:10:21,220 NIGHT, AND IT'S NOT WHAT THE ACADEMY SAYS, THE ACADEMY 156 00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:23,255 IS NOW READY TO DOLE OUT THE PAIN. 157 00:10:23,322 --> 00:10:27,727 ONE BOARD MEMBER SUMMED UP THEIR THOUGHTS, SAYING "I THINK 158 00:10:27,793 --> 00:10:32,698 EVERYONE UNANIMOUSLY FEELS WHAT HE DID WAS OUT OF CONTROL. 159 00:10:32,765 --> 00:10:35,401 PEOPLE WANT REAL CONSEQUENCE." OH, WOW, REAL CONSEQUENCES. 160 00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:36,936 WHICH MEANS THEY'RE GONNA MAKE WILL SMITH WATCH A DOUBLE 161 00:10:37,003 --> 00:10:41,741 FEATURE OF "HITCH" AND "THE LEGEND OF BAGGER VANCE." 162 00:10:41,807 --> 00:10:42,808 ( LAUGHTER ) I KNOW. 163 00:10:42,875 --> 00:10:48,581 I THINK THAT VIOLATES THE GENEVA CONVENTION. 164 00:10:48,647 --> 00:10:50,549 ( LAUGHTER ) STAYING IN THE WORLD OF MEDIA, 165 00:10:50,616 --> 00:10:55,221 YOU KNOW I'M A COMPANY MAN. I LOVE CBS, OUR PARENT COMPANY 166 00:10:55,287 --> 00:10:57,123 PARAMOUNT, AND ITS PARENT COMPANY... PROBABLY A DEFENSE 167 00:10:57,189 --> 00:11:00,960 CONTRACTOR THAT MAKES BONER PILLS. 168 00:11:01,027 --> 00:11:04,063 THERE'S NO WAY OF KNOWING. ( LAUGHTER ) 169 00:11:04,130 --> 00:11:07,299 BUT I RECENTLY HEARD SOME OFFICE 'GOSS' THAT ROCKED MY SOCKS. 170 00:11:07,366 --> 00:11:11,237 AND I'LL TELL YOU ALL THE 'DEETS' IN MY FIRST-RUNNING 171 00:11:11,303 --> 00:11:15,274 SEGMENT, "CBS WATERCOOLER" >> "WHO HERE'S WATCHIN' 172 00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:19,278 "S.W.A.T?" >> STEPHEN: WE ALL ARE, GLUGGY. 173 00:11:19,345 --> 00:11:23,015 RECENTLY, MY NETWORK HAS GOTTEN A LOT OF CRITICISM, MUCH OF IT 174 00:11:23,082 --> 00:11:27,920 FROM ITSELF, BECAUSE CBS NEWS HAS HIRED THE EX-PRESIDENT'S 175 00:11:27,987 --> 00:11:31,624 FORMER CHIEF OF STAFF MICK MULVANEY TO "PROVIDE POLITICAL 176 00:11:31,690 --> 00:11:34,326 ANALYSIS ACROSS THE NETWORK'S BROADCASTS AND 177 00:11:34,393 --> 00:11:36,429 PLATFORMS." FOR MORE, WE GO TO THE LATE 178 00:11:36,495 --> 00:11:40,533 SHOW'S OWN MEDIA ANALYST, STEPHEN COLBERT. 179 00:11:40,599 --> 00:11:44,703 STEPHEN, YOUR THOUGHTS? >> STEPHEN: WHAT THE ( BLEEP ) 180 00:11:44,770 --> 00:11:59,652 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) BACK TO YOU, STEVE. 181 00:11:59,718 --> 00:12:00,686 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) BACK TO YOU, STEVE. 182 00:12:00,753 --> 00:12:02,421 ( LAUGHTER ) >> STEPHEN: THANKS, STEPHEN. 183 00:12:02,488 --> 00:12:04,723 I FOR ONECAN'T WAIT TO HEAR MULVANEY'S 1TRENCHANT AND 184 00:12:04,790 --> 00:12:08,694 OBJECTIVE POLITICAL ANALYSIS CONSIDERING THAT BACK IN 2020, 185 00:12:08,761 --> 00:12:12,698 HE SUGGESTED THAT "CORONAVIRUS WAS THE MEDIA HOAX OF THE DAY." 186 00:12:12,765 --> 00:12:16,702 AND AFTER HIS BOSS EXTORTED ZELENSKYY FOR DIRT ON THE 187 00:12:16,769 --> 00:12:19,438 BIDENS, HE SAID, "GET OVER IT." AND JUST DAYS AFTER THE 188 00:12:19,505 --> 00:12:20,739 ELECTION, HE ANNOUNCED: "IF HE LOSES, THE FORMER 189 00:12:20,806 --> 00:12:24,577 PRESIDENT WILL CONCEDE GRACEFULLY," ADDING 190 00:12:24,643 --> 00:12:27,012 "HE'LL FIGHT HARD TO MAKE SURE THE RESULTS ARE FAIR, AND IN THE 191 00:12:27,079 --> 00:12:32,151 END, HE'LL ACCEPT THE RESULT WHATEVER IT IS." 192 00:12:32,218 --> 00:12:35,254 IS MULVANEY PSYCHIC? GET THIS MAN TO VEGAS!! 193 00:12:35,321 --> 00:12:50,202 HE'S NOSTRA-DUMB ASS! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 194 00:12:50,269 --> 00:12:52,705 HE'S NOSTRA-DUMB ASS! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 195 00:12:52,771 --> 00:12:56,509 SO, OBVIOUSLY, I'M JUST JOKING. BUT WHY WOULD THE TIFFANY 196 00:12:56,575 --> 00:12:59,245 NETWORK'S VENERABLE NEWS DIVISION PUT THIS CRAVEN TOADY 197 00:12:59,311 --> 00:13:03,015 TO A TYRANT ON THE PAYROLL? ACCORDING TO LEAKED AUDIO, ONE 198 00:13:03,082 --> 00:13:04,817 EXEC SAID THEY WANTED "TO MAKE SURE THAT WE ARE 199 00:13:04,884 --> 00:13:08,687 GETTING ACCESS TO BOTH SIDES OF THE AISLE IS A PRIORITY BECAUSE 200 00:13:08,754 --> 00:13:11,257 WE KNOW THE REPUBLICANS ARE GOING TO TAKE OVER, MOST LIKELY, 201 00:13:11,323 --> 00:13:14,827 IN THE MIDTERMS." THAT'S RIGHT. 202 00:13:14,894 --> 00:13:18,731 THEY'RE NOT JUST REPORTING THE NEWS, THEY'RE PREDICTING IT NOW. 203 00:13:18,797 --> 00:13:23,936 AND REWORKING OUR PROGRAMMING IN HOPES OF COZYING UP TO THE 204 00:13:24,003 --> 00:13:25,838 G.O.P.. SO GET READY FOR 205 00:13:25,905 --> 00:13:29,041 OUR NEW SPRING LINE-UP: "YOUNG Q-SHAMAN," 206 00:13:29,108 --> 00:13:35,915 "BOB RESTRICTS THE REPRODUCTIVE RIGHTS OF ABISHOLA," AND 207 00:13:35,981 --> 00:13:39,919 " BLUE BLOODS." ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 208 00:13:39,985 --> 00:13:46,859 I'M SURE -- I'M SURE -- I'M SURE THIS HAS ALL BEEN TOUGH 209 00:13:46,926 --> 00:13:48,360 ON MULVANEY. AND AS A COWORKER, I FEEL LIKE 210 00:13:48,427 --> 00:13:51,931 IT'S MY DUTY TO MAKE SURE HE IS PORTRAYED FAIRLY ON THIS 211 00:13:51,997 --> 00:13:55,935 NETWORK. SO JOINING US NOW, LIVE VIA 212 00:13:56,001 --> 00:13:59,939 SATELLITE FROM WASHINGTON DC, PLEASE WELCOME CBS NEWS 213 00:14:00,005 --> 00:14:07,346 CONTRIBUTOR, MICK MULVANEY. SEE YOU AT THE CHRISTMAS PARTY! 214 00:14:07,413 --> 00:14:08,480 WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT, MY GUEST IS JAMES 215 00:14:08,547 --> 00:14:12,151 MCAVOY. BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, I 216 00:14:12,218 --> 00:14:14,220 CELEBRATE WOMEN'S HISTORY WITH A SPECIAL GUEST. 217 00:14:54,026 --> 00:14:56,895 GIVE IT UP FOR THE BAND, EVERYBODY! 218 00:14:56,962 --> 00:15:04,336 THERE YOU GO! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 219 00:15:04,403 --> 00:15:06,071 LOUIS, Y'ALL SOUND GREAT TONIGHT, AS USUAL. 220 00:15:06,138 --> 00:15:10,909 I WANT TO THANK AGAIN ISIAH SHARKY FOR JOINING US TONIGHT ON 221 00:15:10,976 --> 00:15:11,977 GUITAR. SOUND AMAZING. 222 00:15:12,044 --> 00:15:16,348 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE, ISIAH. 223 00:15:16,415 --> 00:15:22,788 TONIGHT, WE'VE GOT JUST A DELIGHTFUL PERFORMER, A REAL 224 00:15:22,855 --> 00:15:24,990 SUPERSTAR JAMES McAVOY IS HERE TONIGHT. 225 00:15:25,057 --> 00:15:29,995 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WE KNOW HIM, WE LOVE HIM. 226 00:15:30,062 --> 00:15:38,837 HE'S DOING "CYRANO DE BERGERAC." >> NICE 227 00:15:38,904 --> 00:15:43,409 >> STEPHEN: TODAY MARKS THE END OF WOMEN'S HISTORY MONTH. 228 00:15:43,475 --> 00:15:47,379 AND IT'S BEEN A BIG ONE: CONFIRMATION HEARINGS BEGAN FOR 229 00:15:47,446 --> 00:15:53,986 THE VERY FIRST BLACK WOMAN NOMINATED TO SIT ON THE 230 00:15:54,053 --> 00:15:55,521 SUPREME COURT. CONGRESS RENEWED THE VIOLENCE 231 00:15:55,587 --> 00:15:57,256 AGAINST WOMEN ACT AND EXPANDED PROTECTIONS, AND 232 00:15:57,323 --> 00:16:01,460 NETFLIX RELEASED SEASON 2 OF "BRIDGERTON." 233 00:16:01,527 --> 00:16:05,397 THE STORIES MAY BE FICTIONAL, BUT 234 00:16:05,464 --> 00:16:10,569 THE BUTTS ARE STILL VERY REAL. ( AUDIENCE REACTS ) 235 00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:13,806 OF COURSE, NO WOMEN'S HISTORY MONTH WOULD BE COMPLETE WITHOUT 236 00:16:13,872 --> 00:16:15,908 BRANDS USING IT FOR CLOUT. AND THIS YEAR WAS NO EXCEPTION: 237 00:16:15,974 --> 00:16:17,810 CHOCOLATE BRAND HERSHEY HIGHLIGHTING THE CENTRAL 238 00:16:17,876 --> 00:16:23,916 PLACEMENT OF THE WORD "SHE" IN ITS LOGO ON LIMITED-EDITION 239 00:16:23,982 --> 00:16:25,884 CHOCOLATE BARS. WHICH IS WAY MORE TASTEFUL THAN 240 00:16:25,951 --> 00:16:32,424 THE ILL-ADVISED: "BUTT-HER-FINGER." 241 00:16:32,491 --> 00:16:40,232 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 242 00:16:40,299 --> 00:16:43,936 NOT TO BE OUTDONE, WHATCHAMACALLIT WILL NOW BE 243 00:16:44,002 --> 00:16:46,572 GOING BY IT'S PROPER NAME "THE CLITORIS." 244 00:16:46,638 --> 00:16:58,250 ( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 245 00:16:58,317 --> 00:17:02,254 BUT WOMEN'S HISTORY MONTH HASN'T ALWAYS BEEN ABOUT BIG COMPANIES. 246 00:17:02,321 --> 00:17:05,157 IN FACT, THE ROOTS OF WOMEN'S HISTORY MONTH GO BACK TO MARCH 247 00:17:05,224 --> 00:17:07,559 8, 1857, WHEN WOMEN FROM VARIOUS NEW YORK CITY FACTORIES STAGED A 248 00:17:07,626 --> 00:17:10,396 PROTEST OVER POOR WORKING CONDITIONS. 249 00:17:10,462 --> 00:17:14,767 NOW, WE DON'T KNOW THE NAMES OF THESE HEROIC PROTESTERS, WHICH 250 00:17:14,833 --> 00:17:17,336 BRINGS UP A SAD TRUTH ABOUT WOMEN'S HISTORY MONTH: SO 251 00:17:17,403 --> 00:17:20,639 MANY HISTORIC WOMEN WHO DESERVE TO BE CELEBRATED NEVER GET THEIR 252 00:17:20,706 --> 00:17:22,674 TIME IN THE SPOTLIGHT. THAT ENDS TONIGHT. 253 00:17:22,741 --> 00:17:26,845 BECAUSE "THE LATE SHOW" IS PROUD TO PRESENT JANE KRAKOWSKI, AN 254 00:17:26,912 --> 00:17:33,485 ACTUAL WOMAN IN HISTORY, WITH THIS SPECIAL MESSAGE. 255 00:17:33,552 --> 00:17:37,089 ♪♪ >> GOOD EVENING, I'M JANE 256 00:17:37,156 --> 00:17:39,091 KRAKOWSKI. IT'S WOMEN'S HISTORY MONTH AND, 257 00:17:39,158 --> 00:17:43,996 NATURALLY, WE'RE CELEBRATING ACCOMPLISHED WOMEN LIKE AMELIA 258 00:17:44,062 --> 00:17:47,199 EARHART, HARRIET TUBMAN, AND ME JANE KRAKOWSKI. 259 00:17:47,266 --> 00:17:49,768 THANK YOU. BUT UNFORTUNATELY BY THE TIME WE 260 00:17:49,835 --> 00:17:53,338 FINISH COVERING ALL THE GREATEST WOMEN, THERE'S NO TIME LEFT TO 261 00:17:53,405 --> 00:17:57,843 TALK ABOUT EVERYONE ELSE. SO TONIGHT WE'RE CELEBRATING ALL 262 00:17:57,910 --> 00:18:01,647 THE WOMEN WHO DESERVE OUR PRAISE BUT UP UNTIL NOW HAVEN'T QUITE 263 00:18:01,713 --> 00:18:06,251 MADE THE CUT. THIS IS GREAT-ISH WOMEN OF 264 00:18:06,318 --> 00:18:11,390 HISTORY. AUGUST 1, 1927, LARA MAZER 265 00:18:11,457 --> 00:18:15,594 BECOMES THE FIRST PERSON IN HISTORY TO TAKE OFF HER BRING 266 00:18:15,661 --> 00:18:18,497 THROUGH HER SLEEVE. TODAY WOMEN ACROSS THE COUNTRY 267 00:18:18,564 --> 00:18:24,470 CELEBRATE HER BY TAKING OFF THEIR BRAS AND REPEATING THE 268 00:18:24,536 --> 00:18:27,906 FAMOUS CATCH PHRASE. AAAHHH! 269 00:18:27,973 --> 00:18:30,542 >> 3,000B.C., SERGA INVENTS THE WHEEL. 270 00:18:30,609 --> 00:18:39,918 SHE INVENTED OTHER SMAIPS, TOO. MAY 27,. 271 00:18:39,985 --> 00:18:49,928 QUEEN AUGUSTA INVENTS THE QUEEN-SIZED BED, WHO LATER 272 00:18:49,995 --> 00:18:55,200 GHAITH BIRTH TO TWINS. NOVEMBER 19, 1310, LADY 273 00:18:55,267 --> 00:18:57,803 KATHERINE DESNACK INVENTS THE CONCEPT OF SNACKING WHEN SHE 274 00:18:57,870 --> 00:19:02,241 EATS JUST A LITTLE BIT. SHE WENT ON TO INVENT BRUNCH, 275 00:19:02,307 --> 00:19:05,811 BREAKFAST FOR DINNER AND FRIES FOR THE TABLE. 276 00:19:05,878 --> 00:19:12,518 A TRUE PIONEER. FEBRUARY 21, 1902, SARA ANDERSON 277 00:19:12,584 --> 00:19:15,821 INVENTS MIXED NUTS WHEN SHE FALLS DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS 278 00:19:15,888 --> 00:19:18,657 WHILE CARRYING FIVE PRECARIOUS BOWLS OF SEPARATED NUTS. 279 00:19:18,724 --> 00:19:21,760 AFTER THE FALL, SHE WENT NUTS. ( LAUGHTER ) 280 00:19:21,827 --> 00:19:26,465 SHE LATER DIED FROM HER INJURIES. 281 00:19:26,532 --> 00:19:31,136 FEBRUARY 14, 1741, LADY MILL SENT GREGORY BECOMES THE FIRST 282 00:19:31,203 --> 00:19:35,641 PERSON IN HISTORY TO UTTER THE PHRASE IT'S 5:00 SOMEWHERE. 283 00:19:35,707 --> 00:19:47,753 CHEERS TO YOU, MY LADY. ( APPLAUSE ) 284 00:19:47,819 --> 00:19:53,926 THIS HAS BEEN GREATEST WOMEN OF HISTORY, AND I AM JANE 285 00:19:53,992 --> 00:19:55,193 KRAKOWSKI. ♪♪ 286 00:19:55,260 --> 00:19:58,196 ♪♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 287 00:19:58,263 --> 00:20:02,034 >> Stephen: THANK YOU, JANE KRAKOWSKI. 288 00:20:02,100 --> 00:20:04,102 YOU CAN SEE HER ON "NAME THAT TUNE," TUESDAYS ON FOX! 289 00:20:28,026 --> 00:20:31,463 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! WELCOME BACK! 290 00:20:31,530 --> 00:20:35,467 TO "THE LATE SHOW." >> ALREADY IN PROGRESS. 291 00:20:35,534 --> 00:20:37,736 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOU KNOW MY GUEST TONIGHT FROM 292 00:20:37,803 --> 00:20:44,309 "ATONEMENT", "ATOMIC BLONDE" AND THE "X-MEN" FILMS. 293 00:20:44,376 --> 00:20:45,477 HE NOW STARS IN A PRODUCTION OF "CYRANO DE BERGERAC". 294 00:20:45,544 --> 00:20:50,082 PLEASE WELCOME, JAMES MCAVOY! 295 00:20:50,148 --> 00:21:04,096 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING ) 296 00:21:04,162 --> 00:21:07,466 >> Stephen: SIT OR DON'T SIT, WHATEVER YOU WANT TO DO. 297 00:21:07,532 --> 00:21:09,101 >> I'LL REMAIN STANDING. >> Stephen: SURE. 298 00:21:09,167 --> 00:21:11,136 TELL ME ABOUT THE PROJECT. THERE YOU GO. 299 00:21:11,203 --> 00:21:13,038 NICE TO SEE YOU. THANKS FOR BEING BACK. 300 00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:15,440 >> THANK YOU FOR COMING. THANK YOU FOR COMING. 301 00:21:15,507 --> 00:21:18,944 >> Stephen: YES. I WANT TO GET TO "CYRANO 302 00:21:19,011 --> 00:21:25,083 DE BRGERAC," WHICH IS AT BAM. >> YES, STARTING ON THE 5th. 303 00:21:25,150 --> 00:21:28,553 >> Stephen: ON THE 5th. BEFORE WE DO THAT, I'VE GOT TO 304 00:21:28,620 --> 00:21:33,158 TALK TO YOU ABOUT PREPS, ONE OF YOUR GREATEST APPEARANCES ON THE 305 00:21:33,225 --> 00:21:37,829 SCREEN I SINTD KNOW ABOUT TILL RECENTLY IS YOU WERE ON THE 306 00:21:37,896 --> 00:21:39,331 GREAT BRITISH BAKEOFF, RIGHT? >> YES, I WAS. 307 00:21:39,398 --> 00:21:41,633 >> Stephen: BUT I DIDN'T KNOW THAT. 308 00:21:41,700 --> 00:21:43,969 I LIKE THE SHOW. BUT I DIDN'T KNOW THAT BECAUSE 309 00:21:44,036 --> 00:21:47,105 YOU WERE ON THE CELEBRITY VERSION THAT FOR REASONS I DON'T 310 00:21:47,172 --> 00:21:50,442 IS NOT IN THE STATE. >> WE DO THE CELEBRITY VERSION 311 00:21:50,509 --> 00:21:53,812 FOR A BRITISH BASED CHARITY STAND UP FOR CANCER. 312 00:21:53,879 --> 00:21:58,016 >> Stephen: WE HAVE THAT HERE. THE WHOLE THING I WAS GOING 313 00:21:58,083 --> 00:22:00,585 TO TELL YOU IS ABSOLUTELY NONSENSE. 314 00:22:00,652 --> 00:22:02,854 I DON'T KNOW WHY WE DON'T HAVE IT HERE. 315 00:22:02,921 --> 00:22:06,825 BUT LET'S START A PETITION AND MAYBE WE CAN MAKE IT HAPPEN BY 316 00:22:06,892 --> 00:22:08,560 THE PEOPLE. >> Stephen: WE NEED AN 317 00:22:08,627 --> 00:22:10,495 EXTRADITION TREATY FOR THE CELEBRITY. 318 00:22:10,562 --> 00:22:14,366 >> PLEASE. >> Stephen: DID YOU WIN? 319 00:22:14,433 --> 00:22:16,101 I WON. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 320 00:22:16,168 --> 00:22:18,804 >> Stephen: FIRST OF ALL, WHAT'S IT LIKE INSIDE THAT TENT? 321 00:22:18,870 --> 00:22:22,741 WHAT'S IT FEEL LIKE? WHAT'S THE PRESSURE LIKE? 322 00:22:22,808 --> 00:22:26,978 >> THE TEMPERATURE IS RISING. THERE'S WHEAT FLOUR EVERYWHERE. 323 00:22:27,045 --> 00:22:31,116 IT LOOKS LIKE SCAR FACE TIMES TEN. 324 00:22:31,183 --> 00:22:34,086 IT'S NOT GOOD. YOU KNOW, IT'S LIKE THAT BUT 325 00:22:34,152 --> 00:22:38,690 WITH FLOUR AND IT'S SWEATY, IT'S TENSE. 326 00:22:38,757 --> 00:22:42,294 >> Stephen: DOES EVEN FEEL THE PRESSURE? 327 00:22:42,360 --> 00:22:44,596 ARE YOU COOL? >> I'M USUALLY QUITE COOL, YET 328 00:22:44,663 --> 00:22:47,733 IN THERE I FELT QUITE TENSE. EVEN THOUGH IT'S FOR CHARITY, 329 00:22:47,799 --> 00:22:52,003 IT'S FOR A GOOD CAUSE, FUN, NOBODY'S REALLY JUDGING YOU 330 00:22:52,070 --> 00:22:55,741 HARSHLY, BUT, YEAH, YOU DO. DAVID WHO IS A GREAT COMEDIAN 331 00:22:55,807 --> 00:23:03,415 AND WRITER AND PRESENTER BACK HOME, HE WAS THERE, AND HE WAS, 332 00:23:03,482 --> 00:23:06,885 LIKE, QUITE UP-FRONT ABOUT THE FACT HE DIDN'T CARE ABOUT BACON, 333 00:23:06,952 --> 00:23:10,455 HE WAS JUST THERE FOR A GOOD CAUSE, RAISE MONEY FOR AWARENESS 334 00:23:10,522 --> 00:23:17,529 AND CHARITY AND DOESN'T CARE IF HE MAKES AN ABSOLUTE IDOT OF 335 00:23:17,596 --> 00:23:19,464 HIMSELF. HALFWAY THROUGH THE CHALLENGE 336 00:23:19,531 --> 00:23:25,170 HE'S, LIKE, I'M ON THE VERGE OF TEARS, I'M NOT SURE I CAN TURN 337 00:23:25,237 --> 00:23:28,573 IN MY HOMEWORK. A GUY WHO WON A DOZEN MEDALS IN 338 00:23:28,640 --> 00:23:32,911 GREAT BRITAIN, USED TO BE IN THE ARMY, THE WHOLE THING, AND SHE 339 00:23:32,978 --> 00:23:34,813 WASED I WON. SHE WAS LOVELY BUT -- 340 00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:40,352 >> Stephen: WELL, LISTEN, WAS THIS YOUR FINALE, THE THING YOU 341 00:23:40,418 --> 00:23:45,190 BROUGHT IT HOME WITH? >> A SNOW LEOPARD PINA COLADA. 342 00:23:45,257 --> 00:23:48,360 >> Stephen: TOGSED COCONUT ON THE OUTSIDE? 343 00:23:48,426 --> 00:23:51,463 >> THAT'S TOASTED COCONUT. >> Stephen: LOOK AT THAT DAMN 344 00:23:51,530 --> 00:23:52,564 THING! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 345 00:23:52,631 --> 00:23:53,365 >> THANK YOU! >> Stephen: IF YOU EVER DECIDE 346 00:23:53,431 --> 00:23:54,432 TINDER, THIS IS THE SHOT YOU USE. 347 00:23:54,499 --> 00:23:56,368 NO ONE'S GOING TO SWIPE LEFT ON THAT. 348 00:23:56,434 --> 00:23:58,336 >> THANK YOU! >> Stephen: WHAT DID THEY 349 00:23:58,403 --> 00:24:02,207 THINK OF THIS? THEY THOUGHT IT WAS REALLY GOOD, 350 00:24:02,274 --> 00:24:07,712 PAUL. >> Stephen: NO SOGGY BOTTOM? 351 00:24:07,779 --> 00:24:15,387 NO SOGGY BOTTOM. PAUL WHO LIVES ACROSS A WHALE 352 00:24:15,453 --> 00:24:21,426 RESERVE FOR ENDANGERED ANIMALS, SAID A LEOPARD GAVE BIRTH TO 353 00:24:21,493 --> 00:24:24,162 CUBS AND HE KEPT SAYING, WE CAN HANDLE THEM. 354 00:24:24,229 --> 00:24:27,566 I WOULD HAVE DONE IT BUT I DIDN'T HAVE THE TIME BUT I WOULD 355 00:24:27,632 --> 00:24:31,703 LIKE TO HANDLE CUBS WITH PAUL. HE WAS VERY IMPRESSED. 356 00:24:31,770 --> 00:24:35,507 I SAID, I WAS AN APPRENTICE CONFECTIONER FOR THREE YEARS. 357 00:24:35,574 --> 00:24:37,475 >> Stephen: THEY THOUGHT YOU WERE AN AMATEUR. 358 00:24:37,542 --> 00:24:40,078 >> I FESSED UP BUT THEY CUT OUT THE WHOLE SHOW. 359 00:24:40,145 --> 00:24:43,081 >> Stephen: SO THERE ARE PEOPLE WATCHED YOU WIN THAT WHO 360 00:24:43,148 --> 00:24:46,451 RIGHT NOW ARE LEARNING THAT YOU WERE A RINGER? 361 00:24:46,518 --> 00:24:52,557 >> YES, I WAS A RINGER. I WAS A BAD RINGER. 362 00:24:52,624 --> 00:24:53,558 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: THAT MEANS THEY 363 00:24:53,625 --> 00:24:56,361 HAVE TO TAKE THE MONEY AWAY FROM THE CHARITY NOW. 364 00:24:56,428 --> 00:24:59,364 >> I THINK THEY DO. BECAUSE OF MY LIES. 365 00:24:59,431 --> 00:25:00,665 >> Stephen: IT'S YOUR FAULT. YEAH. 366 00:25:00,732 --> 00:25:03,702 >> Stephen: AT THE MOMENT, AGAIN, YOU'RE STARRING IN THE 367 00:25:03,768 --> 00:25:06,037 ADAPTATION OF "CYRANO DE BERGERAC." 368 00:25:06,104 --> 00:25:08,340 >> THANK YOU, YES. >> Stephen: YOU STARTED IN 369 00:25:08,406 --> 00:25:10,976 2019. WHEN DID YOU GET A SENSE THIS 370 00:25:11,042 --> 00:25:15,714 COVID THING MIGHT CAUSE A BIT OF A HICCUP IN YOUR PRODUCTION 371 00:25:15,780 --> 00:25:18,316 SCHEDULE? >> THEY SAY IT DIDN'T TOUCH DOWN 372 00:25:18,383 --> 00:25:22,354 IN BRITAIN TILL MARCH, BUT WE COULD HEAR THE COFFIN INCREASING 373 00:25:22,420 --> 00:25:24,823 NIGHT ON NIGHT ON NIGHT ON NIGHT. 374 00:25:24,890 --> 00:25:35,934 I REMEMBER SOME TIME IN THE MIDDLE OF FEBRUARYRY, MY WIFE 375 00:25:36,001 --> 00:25:39,905 SAID TO ME, LIKE, HEY, MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T DO THE STAGE DOOR 376 00:25:39,971 --> 00:25:42,407 THING BECAUSE I ALWAYS DO. >> Stephen: WHERE FANS SIGN 377 00:25:42,474 --> 00:25:46,811 AND STUFF LIKE THAT. >> MAYBE 100 PEOPLE THERE, 378 00:25:46,878 --> 00:25:49,648 THOUSANDS PERHAPS ONE NIGHT. ( LAUGHTER ) 379 00:25:49,714 --> 00:25:51,383 LIKE 75. ( LAUGHTER ) 380 00:25:51,449 --> 00:25:55,453 AND YOU GO SIGN, SIGN, SIGN, SIGN, SAYING MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T 381 00:25:55,520 --> 00:25:56,955 DO THIS BECAUSE OF COVID. THAT NIGHT, I GOT TO THE STAGE 382 00:25:57,022 --> 00:26:00,558 DOOR AND THE PERSON SAID CAN YOU TAKE A PICTURE WITH MY PHONE AND 383 00:26:00,625 --> 00:26:02,961 SHE'S WEARING A MASK AND GOT A SUITCASE. 384 00:26:03,028 --> 00:26:07,832 I SAID DID YOU JUST GET IN? SHE COUGHED ON ME AND SAID, YES, 385 00:26:07,899 --> 00:26:11,002 I JUST GOT OFF THE PLANE. I SAID, I DON'T KNOW IF I SHOULD 386 00:26:11,069 --> 00:26:13,805 BE DOING THIS. THAT WAS AT STAGE DOOR. 387 00:26:13,872 --> 00:26:18,810 APOLOGIES FOR ANYONE AT STAGE DOOR WHO WAITS FOR TWO HOURS AND 388 00:26:18,877 --> 00:26:24,149 SAYS IS HE IN THE BUILDING? HE'S LEFT THE BUILDING. 389 00:26:24,215 --> 00:26:28,453 PEOPLE WHO ARE THERE TWO HOURS LATER ON THE OFFCHANCE I WILL 390 00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:31,189 COME SAY SOMETHING, HE'S LEFT, ALREADY. 391 00:26:31,256 --> 00:26:33,258 I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT. >> Stephen: BACK WITH JAMES 392 00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:43,601 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! WE'RE BACK HERE WITH THE STAR OF 393 00:26:43,668 --> 00:26:48,940 "CYRANO DE BERGERAC," OPENING AT BAM. 394 00:26:49,007 --> 00:26:51,009 JAMES McAVOY. NOW, YOU PERFORMED THIS JUST 395 00:26:51,076 --> 00:26:57,248 LAST WEEK IN YOUR HOMETOWN OF GLASGOW, RIGHT? 396 00:26:57,315 --> 00:26:59,884 >> YES. >> Stephen: HOW ARE THE 397 00:26:59,951 --> 00:27:05,156 AUDIENCES DIFFERENT IN GLASGOW AS COMPARED TO LONDON'S WEST 398 00:27:05,223 --> 00:27:07,258 END. >> THE CROWDS WERE LOUDER AND 399 00:27:07,325 --> 00:27:09,728 DEFINITELY MORE UP FRONT AND BOY STROYS. 400 00:27:09,794 --> 00:27:12,897 THE CROWDS IN LONDON WERE LOVING IT AND TOTALLY GETTING IT, BUT 401 00:27:12,964 --> 00:27:16,034 WE WERE GETTING A LOT MORE LAUGHS IN DIFFERENT PLACES AND 402 00:27:16,101 --> 00:27:21,206 ALSO THERE WAS JUST WEIRD STUFF. THERE'S A BIT WHERE IT WAS A 403 00:27:21,272 --> 00:27:25,844 REALLY QUIET SORT OF ROMANTIC MOMENT WITH ROXANNE AND THIS GUY 404 00:27:25,910 --> 00:27:31,383 IN THE BALCONY WAS YELLING, JAMES, JAMES! 405 00:27:31,449 --> 00:27:37,789 WE LOVE YOU, JAMES! GREAT BEING A HOMETOWN BOY, BUT 406 00:27:37,856 --> 00:27:41,926 THERE WAS AN ELEMENT GOING BACK TO GLASGOW WHICH WAS NICE FOR 407 00:27:41,993 --> 00:27:44,629 ME, PERSONALLY. IFGHTS A BIT OF AN OUTPOURING OF 408 00:27:44,696 --> 00:27:49,868 APPRECIATION AND LOVE JUST FOR BEING SOMEONE FROM GLASGOW WHO'S 409 00:27:49,934 --> 00:27:58,009 DONE WELL AND IT WAS NICE BEING IN A ROOM THERE. 410 00:27:58,076 --> 00:28:00,345 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: I THINK THE FIRST 411 00:28:00,412 --> 00:28:03,681 TIME I INTERVIEWED YOU, I DIDN'T REALIZE YOU HAD SUCH A 412 00:28:03,748 --> 00:28:06,751 PRONOUNCED SCOTTISH ACCENT. I HAD SEEN YOU PLAY EITHER 413 00:28:06,818 --> 00:28:10,889 AMERICANS OR BRITISH PEOPLE. WHEN YOU GO HOME, DO THEY GO, 414 00:28:10,955 --> 00:28:14,826 YOU'VE CHANGED? THAT ACCENT, YOU'VE LOST YOUR 415 00:28:14,893 --> 00:28:17,662 ACCENT? TO ME, IT'S ALMOST LIKE A SPEECH 416 00:28:17,729 --> 00:28:19,364 IMPEDIMENT. >> THIS NOISE IS COMING OUT OF 417 00:28:19,431 --> 00:28:21,733 MY MOUTH THAT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND VERY WELL, THIS IS 418 00:28:21,800 --> 00:28:27,005 SEEN IN GLASGOW AS AN ABERRATION, A CAPITULATION, A 419 00:28:27,072 --> 00:28:32,577 CROSSING OF A LINE, WHICH IS -- WHICH MEANS I'VE CHANGED, I'VE 420 00:28:32,644 --> 00:28:35,413 GONE WELL ENGLISH. >> Stephen: YOU HAVE BEEN 421 00:28:35,480 --> 00:28:38,983 ACTING -- HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU FIRST STARTED PERFORMING? 422 00:28:39,050 --> 00:28:41,453 >> I THINK 16. >> Stephen: SO DECADES, NOW, 423 00:28:41,519 --> 00:28:44,522 YOU HAVE BEEN ACTING. DO YOU STILL GET NERVOUS BEFORE 424 00:28:44,589 --> 00:28:48,259 YOU GO ON STAGE? OR DOES SOMETHING CLICK? 425 00:28:48,326 --> 00:28:53,765 >> GENERALLY NOT. WE WERE IN A REALLY CONFIDENT 426 00:28:53,832 --> 00:28:56,234 PLACE. WE WERE SO CONFIDENT WE DIDN'T 427 00:28:56,301 --> 00:28:59,370 DO A DRESS REHEARSAL. WE INSTEAD ANNOUNCED IT TO THE 428 00:28:59,437 --> 00:29:02,874 WORLD THAT WHOEVER TURNED UP AT THE THEATER, FIRST-COME, 429 00:29:02,941 --> 00:29:05,176 FIRST-SERVE, WOULD COME AND WATCH THE DRESS REHEARSAL. 430 00:29:05,243 --> 00:29:10,915 SO WE PLAYED TO A PACKED -- A THOUSAND PEOPLE WERE WATCHING 431 00:29:10,982 --> 00:29:13,585 THAT NIGHT. WE DIDN'T KNOW IF PEOPLE WOULD 432 00:29:13,651 --> 00:29:15,920 LIKE IT OR NOT SO I WAS EXTREMELY NERVOUS. 433 00:29:15,987 --> 00:29:19,724 THE BEGINNING OF THE SHOW, THE CURTAIN IS DOWN, THE WHOLE CAST 434 00:29:19,791 --> 00:29:22,894 LINE UP FACING THE AUDIENCE AND THE CURTAIN COMES UP. 435 00:29:22,961 --> 00:29:28,333 I'M FACING THE OTHER WAY, AND I SPEND THE FIRST 15 MINUTES THIS 436 00:29:28,399 --> 00:29:33,037 WAY, AND I GET TO SEE THE ENTIRE AUDIENCE AND OUR AMAZING CAST 437 00:29:33,104 --> 00:29:35,507 WALK TOWARDS THEM IN THE DARK AS THE LIGHTS GO DOWN. 438 00:29:35,573 --> 00:29:39,210 THE VERY, VERY FIRST PERFORMANCE, OUR GUEST WERE 439 00:29:39,277 --> 00:29:43,515 NERVOUS, TOO, BUT I WAS SO EMOTIONAL I CRIED MY EYES OUT 440 00:29:43,581 --> 00:29:46,017 BECAUSE IT LOOKED LIKE THEY WERE WALKING TO THEIR FATE. 441 00:29:46,084 --> 00:29:51,856 I THOUGHT TO MYSELF I HAVEN'T EVEN UTTERED A LINE AND I'M AN 442 00:29:51,923 --> 00:29:54,425 EMOTIONAL WRECK, THIS DOES NOT BODE WELL. 443 00:29:54,492 --> 00:29:59,697 SO I GOT AHOLD OF MYSELF, LOOKED AT MYSELF IN A MIRROR 15 MINUTES 444 00:29:59,764 --> 00:30:04,235 AND GOT ON AND DONE IT. BUT THE FIRST 15 MINUTES OF THE 445 00:30:04,302 --> 00:30:09,174 SHOW WAS WATCHING THE AMAZING CAST IN THIS MIRROR IN BACKWARDS 446 00:30:09,240 --> 00:30:12,477 REFLECTION BEFORE I SAY A WORD. >> Stephen: WHEN WE COME BACK, 447 00:30:12,544 --> 00:30:18,816 I WILL ASK GYMS ABILITY HIS CHARACTER SYRIAN NO DE BERGERAC. 448 00:30:18,883 --> 00:30:19,884 STICK AROUND. 449 00:30:29,027 --> 00:30:32,830 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WE'RE BACK HERE WITH JAMES 450 00:30:32,897 --> 00:30:35,466 McAVOY. IN AN OPENING RELAYED OUT 451 00:30:35,533 --> 00:30:39,003 ESSENTIALLY WHAT THE STAKES OF YOUR CHARACTER ARE AND WHO THE 452 00:30:39,070 --> 00:30:42,807 MAJOR PLAYERS ARE IN THE PLAY. ONE THING EVERYBODY KNOWS ABOUT 453 00:30:42,874 --> 00:30:46,244 CYRANO -- AND HERE'S A PHOTOAGAIN OF YOU RIGHT THERE -- 454 00:30:46,311 --> 00:30:50,982 IS THAT CYRANO HAS THIS ENORMOUS NOSE, ALMOST A GO DESKLY LARGE 455 00:30:51,049 --> 00:30:54,385 NOSE, AND THE DIRECTOR DID NOT ASK YOU TO CHANGE YOUR FACE IN 456 00:30:54,452 --> 00:30:56,287 ANY WAY. >> NO, HE DIDN'T. 457 00:30:56,354 --> 00:30:57,488 NO. NO, NO. 458 00:30:57,555 --> 00:31:01,426 >> Stephen: DID YOU TAKE THAT AS A COMPLIMENT TO YOUR ACTING 459 00:31:01,492 --> 00:31:02,994 SKILL? ( LAUGHTER ) 460 00:31:03,061 --> 00:31:05,863 OR AN INDICTMENT? >> UM... 461 00:31:05,930 --> 00:31:10,034 I'VE NEVER ASKED HIM THAT, ACTUALLY. 462 00:31:10,101 --> 00:31:13,204 IT'S SOME CRAZY CONCEPT HE HAS WITH NO NOSE. 463 00:31:13,271 --> 00:31:16,140 AND HE SAYS, NO, IT'S FINE WITH WHAT YOU'VE GOT. 464 00:31:16,207 --> 00:31:21,012 I SAID TO HIM, WHEN YOU SAID HOW DO YOU FEEL FEEL ABOUT DOING 465 00:31:21,079 --> 00:31:25,183 CYRANO, I WAS, LIKE, OH, GREAT. I DON'T WANT TO DO IT WITH A 466 00:31:25,250 --> 00:31:27,719 NOSE. A GUY WITH A BIG OLD NOSE. 467 00:31:27,785 --> 00:31:30,888 HE SAYS, NO, IT'S ABOUT A GUY WHO'S OBJECT FIDE. 468 00:31:30,955 --> 00:31:33,958 AND MORE THAN THAT, THREE PEOPLE WHO ARE OBJECT FIDE. 469 00:31:34,025 --> 00:31:37,996 AND THE MINUTE YOU STICK ON A BIG OLD FAKE NOSE YOU REDUCE IT 470 00:31:38,062 --> 00:31:42,800 TO SOMETHING FAKE. THEN HE EXTENDED IT AND SAID IF 471 00:31:42,867 --> 00:31:47,071 WE DON'T HAVE NOSE, WHY HAVE WE SWORDS, AND IF WE DON'T HAVE 472 00:31:47,138 --> 00:31:50,508 SWORDS, WHY HAVE WE HATS WITH BIG FEATHERS, AND IF WE DON'T 473 00:31:50,575 --> 00:31:55,913 HAVE ALL THAT WHY ARE WE PRETENDING TO BE MUSKETEERS. 474 00:31:55,980 --> 00:32:02,186 HE TAKES IT BACK TO YOU'RE A SOLDIER, WHO KILLS, AND OBSESSED 475 00:32:02,253 --> 00:32:07,191 WITH POETRY AND TAKE IT. PRETTY MUCH IT'S JUST ME, 476 00:32:07,258 --> 00:32:11,596 MASSIVELYISM FIDE IN TERMS OF HIS INSECURITY, ANGER, VIOLENCE, 477 00:32:11,663 --> 00:32:15,733 LONELINESS AND LONGING BUT WE'RE ALL PRETTY MUCH BY AND LARGE 478 00:32:15,800 --> 00:32:17,335 JUST PLAYING OURSELVES. >> Stephen: MOST PEOPLE KNOW 479 00:32:17,402 --> 00:32:19,404 THE STORY OF CYRANO. >> YEAH. 480 00:32:19,470 --> 00:32:24,008 >> Stephen: THE BASIC STORY OF CYRANO, ONE LARGE ELEMENT OF IT, 481 00:32:24,075 --> 00:32:28,579 IS ROXANNE AND CRISTIAN ARE BOTH THESE SORT OF BEAUTIFUL FIGURES 482 00:32:28,646 --> 00:32:33,051 WHO ARE SEEMINGLY IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER BUT THE POETRY 483 00:32:33,117 --> 00:32:36,287 CRISTIAN USES TO WOO ROXANNE IS ACTUALLY FROM THE MIND OF 484 00:32:36,354 --> 00:32:37,488 CYRANO. >> YES. 485 00:32:37,555 --> 00:32:40,291 >> Stephen: THAT'S THE BASIC IDEA OF THAT PARTICULARLY GAME 486 00:32:40,358 --> 00:32:48,199 PART OF THE STORY. >> ONE OF THE ORIGINAL LOVE 487 00:32:48,266 --> 00:32:51,836 TRIANGLES AND IS TRAGIC, TOO. ONE TO HAVE THE THINGS WE HIGH 488 00:32:51,903 --> 00:32:56,407 LIGHT OR THE WRITER HAS HIGHLIGHTED AND JAMIE HAS AS 489 00:32:56,474 --> 00:33:00,411 WELL, AS FUNNY, ROMANTIC AND TRAGIC AS IT IS THAT CERTAIN 490 00:33:00,478 --> 00:33:05,917 PEOPLE DIE IN IT, IT'S ALSO QUITE MANIPULATIVE AND ABUSIVE 491 00:33:05,983 --> 00:33:09,020 OF ROXANNE IN THE WAY THE TWO GUYS TREAT HER, WHETHER THEY 492 00:33:09,087 --> 00:33:12,056 LOVE HER OR NOT OR LACKING OR NOT AND WHETHER THEY'RE BOTH 493 00:33:12,123 --> 00:33:18,830 INSECURE ABOUT THEIR LACK OF INTELLIGENCE OF MASSIVE NOSE OR 494 00:33:18,896 --> 00:33:21,933 WHATEVER, THEY MASSIVELY MISTREAT HER TO AN EPIC DEGREE, 495 00:33:21,999 --> 00:33:25,536 AND THE PLAY PUNISHED HIM BECAUSE IT'S NOT HER WHO DIED, 496 00:33:25,603 --> 00:33:30,842 IT'S THE TWO GUYS WHO DIED. AND YOU MISS ALL THAT BEHIND THE 497 00:33:30,908 --> 00:33:39,283 PAGEANTRY AND THE LEXICAL GYMNASTICS AND THE JOY AND THIS 498 00:33:39,350 --> 00:33:44,122 PANACHE, WHICH SHOULD EMBRACED, BUT IF IT BECOMES TOO MUCH 499 00:33:44,188 --> 00:33:47,992 PANACHE, YOU FORGET THE FACT THESE ARE PEOPLE WHO KILL PEOPLE 500 00:33:48,059 --> 00:33:51,996 AND MISTREAT THIS BEAUTIFUL, INCREDIBLE WOMAN, WHO'S OBJECT 501 00:33:52,063 --> 00:33:54,298 FIDE FOR HER BUTTE WHEN SHE'S SO MUCH MORE. 502 00:33:54,365 --> 00:33:57,602 >> Stephen: AND CYRANO HAS SO MUCH ANGER 503 00:33:57,668 --> 00:33:58,736 ( APPLAUSE ) >> SO MUCH ANGER. 504 00:33:58,803 --> 00:34:00,304 >> Stephen: AND THAT THE SOMETHING I KNOW FROM LOVING THE 505 00:34:00,371 --> 00:34:03,608 PLAY, BUT FROM YOUR PERFORMANCE, TOO, THERE'S SO MUCH RAGE IN 506 00:34:03,674 --> 00:34:06,310 THAT CHARACTER. >> HE'S REALLY REALLY ANGRY. 507 00:34:06,377 --> 00:34:09,213 HE'S -- BUT I THINK HIS ANGER IS A EARE SPOONS TO THE WAY THE 508 00:34:09,280 --> 00:34:12,717 WORLD TREATS HIM, BUT ALSO ALSO HIS ANGER IS A MECHANISM BY 509 00:34:12,784 --> 00:34:16,988 WHICH HE KEEPS THE WORLD AT BAY. THERE'S A WHOLE AMAZING BET 510 00:34:17,054 --> 00:34:23,828 WHERE HE HAS TO PRETEND TO BE SOMEONE ELSE TO BUY TIME FOR THE 511 00:34:23,895 --> 00:34:28,466 TWO LOVERS TO GET MARRIED, HE PRETENDS TO BE A MAN VISITING 512 00:34:28,533 --> 00:34:31,335 FROM THE MOON. IT'S ABSURD AND A LITTLE 513 00:34:31,402 --> 00:34:34,272 SURREAL, BUT BY THE END OF IT, HE STARTS TO REALIZE AND EXAMINE 514 00:34:34,338 --> 00:34:37,475 HIS OWN LIFE AND EXISTENCE, AND HE REALIZES THAT WHEN HE'S ON 515 00:34:37,542 --> 00:34:42,113 THE MOON, THIS MOON MAN, HE CAN LOOK AT THE WORLD AND THE WORLD 516 00:34:42,180 --> 00:34:46,017 IS PERFECT, BUT HE CAN ONLY SEE THE WORLD AS A BEAUTIFUL, 517 00:34:46,083 --> 00:34:51,255 PERFECT PLACE IF HE'S REMOVED FROM IT AND DISTANCED FROM IT. 518 00:34:51,322 --> 00:34:55,359 THE MINUTE HE'S WITH IT, HE HAS TO LIVE IN THE HORRIBLE WORLD 519 00:34:55,426 --> 00:35:00,198 WITH PAIN AND MISTREATMENT WHERE PEOPLE ARE MISTREATED AND 520 00:35:00,264 --> 00:35:05,069 SLAVERY EXISTS AND PEOPLE TREAT PEOPLE BADLY, BUT IF HE KEEPS 521 00:35:05,136 --> 00:35:08,372 HIMSELF SEPARATE, HE CAN BE THE POET THAT CREATES THE BEAUTY. 522 00:35:08,439 --> 00:35:12,109 THAT'S PART OF WHAT THE ANGER IS, AS WELL, AS MUCH AS HE LONG 523 00:35:12,176 --> 00:35:16,113 FOR ROXANNE AND THIS NORMAL LIFE, WHATEVER THAT MEANS, HE'S 524 00:35:16,180 --> 00:35:21,586 TOO SCARED TO ACTUALLY TAKE IT BECAUSE THAT'S THE THING AS WELL 525 00:35:21,652 --> 00:35:27,525 ABOUT THE FAKE NEWS, YOU SEE SO MANY OF THE FAKE NEWSES, AND 526 00:35:27,592 --> 00:35:33,598 REALLY I'M, LIKE, SOMEONE WOULD TAKE YOU TO BED WITH THAT NOSE 527 00:35:33,664 --> 00:35:37,602 AND LOVE YOU AND GET THEIR KINK ON EVERY NIGHT BECAUSE OF YOUR 528 00:35:37,668 --> 00:35:39,670 NOSE, YOU KNOW. ( APPLAUSE ) 529 00:35:39,737 --> 00:35:43,641 YOU WILL FIND THAT PERSON. AND THE FAKE NOSE, IT SORT OF 530 00:35:43,708 --> 00:35:49,480 DIMINISHES THE SADNESS OF HIS LACK OF SELF-WORTH THAT HE FEELS 531 00:35:49,547 --> 00:35:52,350 FOR HIMSELF REGARDLESS OF WHAT THE WORLD PUTS ON HIM. 532 00:35:52,416 --> 00:35:57,622 >> Stephen: JAMES, GOOD TO HAVE YOU BACK. 533 00:35:57,688 --> 00:35:59,490 WELL SAID. "CYRANO DE BERGERAC" OPENS 534 00:35:59,557 --> 00:36:00,558 TUESDAY AT THE BROOKLYN ACADEMY OF MUSIC. 535 00:36:00,625 --> 00:36:04,896 JAMES MCAVOY, EVERYBODY! WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A 536 00:36:04,962 --> 00:36:05,963 PERFORMANCE BY ARLO PARKS. 537 00:36:27,985 --> 00:36:30,555 >> STEPHEN: PERFORMING HER NEW SINGLE "SOFTLY," ARLO 538 00:36:30,621 --> 00:36:33,624 PARKS! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 539 00:36:33,691 --> 00:36:38,329 ♪ ♪ ♪ 540 00:36:38,396 --> 00:36:43,367 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ I'M DAZZLED HARD, 541 00:36:43,434 --> 00:36:45,236 WE'RE IN BERLIN ♪ AND WHEN YOU LEAVE, 542 00:36:45,303 --> 00:36:49,907 JUST BREAK IT DOWN ♪ TO ME SOFTLY 543 00:36:49,974 --> 00:36:53,778 THROUGH VEILS OF RAIN, ♪ I'M SHATTERING 544 00:36:53,844 --> 00:36:56,347 I DIP INTO THE LOVE ♪ WE HAD WITH EASE 545 00:36:56,414 --> 00:37:01,786 LEMON AND GINGER BEER, ♪ SOAP SUDS ON NAVELS 546 00:37:01,852 --> 00:37:06,390 IF I'VE UPSET YOU, ♪ COULD YOU MAYBE SAY SO? 547 00:37:06,457 --> 00:37:11,529 HAS SOMETHING CHANGED, ♪ HAVE I JUST MISSED THE MEMO? 548 00:37:11,596 --> 00:37:13,531 TELL ME WHAT I DON'T KNOW ♪ OH, WON'T YOU... 549 00:37:13,598 --> 00:37:14,332 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ BREAK IT TO ME, 550 00:37:14,398 --> 00:37:18,903 BREAK IT TO ME, ♪ BREAK IT TO ME 551 00:37:18,970 --> 00:37:22,540 BREAK IT TO ME SOFTLY, ♪ I DON'T WANT NO ONE ELSE 552 00:37:22,607 --> 00:37:23,908 BREAK IT TO ME, ♪ BREAK IT TO ME, 553 00:37:23,975 --> 00:37:27,612 BREAK IT TO ME ♪ BREAK IT TO ME SOFTLY, 554 00:37:27,678 --> 00:37:31,616 I DON'T WANT NO ONE ELSE ♪ BREAK IT TO ME, 555 00:37:31,682 --> 00:37:35,620 BREAK IT TO ME, ♪ BREAK IT TO ME 556 00:37:35,686 --> 00:37:39,624 BREAK IT TO ME SOFTLY, ♪ I DON'T WANT NO ONE ELSE 557 00:37:39,690 --> 00:37:42,860 BREAK IT TO ME, ♪ BREAK IT TO ME, 558 00:37:42,927 --> 00:37:47,298 BREAK IT TO ME ♪ OH, I FORGET MYSELF, 559 00:37:47,365 --> 00:37:50,334 I DON'T WANT NO ONE ELSE ♪ ♪ ♪ 560 00:37:50,401 --> 00:37:54,305 ♪ THE PRESSURE THUDS BEHIND MY EYES 561 00:37:54,372 --> 00:37:56,007 ♪ YOU LOOK AT ME AS IF IT'S MY FAULT 562 00:37:56,073 --> 00:38:02,346 ♪ THAT WE'RE STOOD HERE THE COBALT OF YOUR SCARF 563 00:38:02,413 --> 00:38:04,749 ♪ HAS PULLED CLEAR STEALING ME TRAFFIC CONES, 564 00:38:04,815 --> 00:38:11,088 ♪ SMILING AT BABIES 565 00:38:11,155 --> 00:38:14,325 I MUST ADMIT ♪ I WANTED YOU TO SAVE ME 566 00:38:14,392 --> 00:38:19,730 NOW I'M SAT ON THE GROUND, ♪ FEELING HALF CRAZY 567 00:38:19,797 --> 00:38:23,567 I DON'T WANT YOU TO GO ♪ OH, WON'T YOU... 568 00:38:23,634 --> 00:38:25,903 BREAK IT TO ME, ♪ BREAK IT TO ME, 569 00:38:25,970 --> 00:38:31,308 BREAK IT TO ME ♪ BREAK IT TO ME SOFTLY, 570 00:38:31,375 --> 00:38:32,343 I DON'T WANT NO ONE ELSE ♪ BREAK IT TO ME, 571 00:38:32,410 --> 00:38:35,613 BREAK IT TO ME, ♪ BREAK IT TO ME 572 00:38:35,680 --> 00:38:41,085 BREAK IT TO ME SOFTLY, ♪ I DON'T WANT NO ONE ELSE 573 00:38:41,152 --> 00:38:43,354 BREAK IT TO ME, ♪ BREAK IT TO ME, 574 00:38:43,421 --> 00:38:47,625 BREAK IT TO ME ♪ BREAK IT TO ME SOFTLY, 575 00:38:47,692 --> 00:38:50,327 I DON'T WANT NO ONE ELSE ♪ BREAK IT TO ME, 576 00:38:50,394 --> 00:38:54,865 BREAK IT TO ME, ♪ BREAK IT TO ME 577 00:38:54,932 --> 00:38:57,735 OH, I FORGET MYSELF, ♪ I DON'T WANT NO ONE ELSE 578 00:38:57,802 --> 00:38:59,970 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ OH, I FORGET MYSELF, 579 00:39:00,037 --> 00:39:03,607 I DON'T WANT NO ONE ELSE ♪ OH, I FORGET MYSELF, 580 00:39:03,674 --> 00:39:08,345 I DON'T WANT NO ONE ELSE ♪ OH, I FORGOT MYSELF, 581 00:39:08,412 --> 00:39:11,482 I DON'T WANT NO ONE ELSE ♪ OH, WON'T YOU... 582 00:39:11,549 --> 00:39:12,750 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ BREAK IT TO ME, 583 00:39:12,817 --> 00:39:14,318 BREAK IT TO ME, ♪ BREAK IT TO ME 584 00:39:14,385 --> 00:39:19,824 BREAK IT TO ME SOFTLY, ♪ I DON'T WANT NO ONE ELSE 585 00:39:19,890 --> 00:39:22,660 BREAK IT TO ME, ♪ BREAK IT TO ME, 586 00:39:22,727 --> 00:39:26,330 BREAK IT TO ME ♪ BREAK IT TO ME SOFTLY, 587 00:39:26,397 --> 00:39:30,201 I DON'T WANT NO ONE ELSE ♪ BREAK IT TO ME, 588 00:39:30,267 --> 00:39:31,669 BREAK IT TO ME, ♪ BREAK IT TO ME 589 00:39:31,736 --> 00:39:38,976 BREAK IT TO ME SOFTLY, ♪ I DON'T WANT NO ONE ELSE 590 00:39:39,043 --> 00:39:43,614 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 591 00:39:43,681 --> 00:39:58,562 ♪ ♪ 592 00:39:58,629 --> 00:40:00,297 ♪ ♪ 593 00:40:00,364 --> 00:40:01,932 >> STEPHEN: ARLO PARKS, EVERYBODY! 594 00:40:01,999 --> 00:40:03,234 THAT'S IT FOR THE LATE SHOW. TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS 595 00:40:03,300 --> 00:40:07,938 WILL BE KEN BURNS AND MANDY PATINKIN, PLUS A SPECIAL 596 00:40:08,005 --> 00:40:09,006 APPEARANCE BY JOHN C. REILLY. JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT.