1 00:00:02,335 --> 00:00:04,270 MADISON CAWTHORN SAYS FEDERAL 2 00:00:04,337 --> 00:00:08,575 LAWMAKERS INVITED HIM TO AN ORGY AND DID COCAINE IN FRONT OF HIM. 3 00:00:08,641 --> 00:00:12,345 >> BUT HIS REPUBLICAN COLLEAGUES DISAGREE, SAYING, "I'VE BEEN 4 00:00:12,412 --> 00:00:14,714 HERE A DECADE. IT'S ONE OF THE MOST BORING 5 00:00:14,781 --> 00:00:16,983 PLACES. TRULY, IT'S ONE OF THE MOST 6 00:00:17,050 --> 00:00:22,589 BAINAL PLACES YOU CAN IMAGINE." >> YOU'RE WATCHING C-SPAN 3. 7 00:00:22,655 --> 00:00:25,024 IT'S TIME FOR THE NURSE TO TURN YOU. 8 00:00:25,091 --> 00:00:28,561 COMING UP NEXT, THE REPUBLICAN AGRICULTURAL FARM SUBSIDIES AND 9 00:00:28,628 --> 00:00:35,001 ORGY COMMITTEE. >> WE'RE HERE TODAY TO CLARIFY 10 00:00:35,068 --> 00:00:38,004 RULES REGARDING THE FLESH PIT. >> POINT OF ORDER. 11 00:00:38,071 --> 00:00:45,779 >> THE SPEAKER RECOGNIZES COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN AND DUDGEON 12 00:00:45,845 --> 00:00:47,947 MASTER, SENATOR CHUCK GRASSLEY. >> YEAH, I'D LIKE TO SUBMIT 13 00:00:48,014 --> 00:00:52,419 PUMPKIN PATCH AS THE AGREED-UPON SAFE WORD. 14 00:00:52,485 --> 00:00:54,287 >> THE SAFE WORD IS RECOGNIZED. I'D LIKE TO NOW RECOGNIZE 15 00:00:54,354 --> 00:00:56,222 SENATOR RON JOHNSON. >> HOW DID YOU RECOGNIZE ME? 16 00:00:56,289 --> 00:01:01,361 I HAVE A MASK ON. >> I RECOGNIZE YOUR JOHNSON. 17 00:01:01,428 --> 00:01:03,329 PROCEED. >> MR. CHAIRMAN, I'D LIKE TO 18 00:01:03,396 --> 00:01:06,766 TABLE THE IDEA OF DOING IT ON THE TABLE AND TAKE A VOTE ON THE 19 00:01:06,833 --> 00:01:15,942 INCLUSION OF A VARIETY OF ASPLAY PARAPHERNALIA, INCLUDING BUT NOT 20 00:01:16,009 --> 00:01:17,777 EXCLUSIVELY FEATHERS, BEADS. >> WHAT ABOUT CORN? 21 00:01:17,844 --> 00:01:19,979 >> LOOK, I KNOW YOU'RE FROM IOWA, BUT NOT EVERYONE IS INTO 22 00:01:20,046 --> 00:01:21,781 CORN PLAY. >> I'M TED CRUZ, AND I WANT TO 23 00:01:21,848 --> 00:01:22,549 BE IN THE SEX PARTY. >> IT'S CRUZ! 24 00:01:22,615 --> 00:01:28,121 QUICK, TURN OFF THE LIGHTS! 25 00:01:28,188 --> 00:01:30,457 >> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT." 26 00:01:30,523 --> 00:01:37,764 TOIGHT: TANKS BUT NO TANKS. 27 00:01:37,831 --> 00:01:42,035 PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES: ELLE FANNING. 28 00:01:42,101 --> 00:01:45,038 AND BEN SCHWARTZ 29 00:01:45,104 --> 00:01:47,340 FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY 30 00:01:47,407 --> 00:01:53,213 HUMAN. 31 00:01:53,279 --> 00:01:56,082 AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK 32 00:01:56,149 --> 00:01:58,451 CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! ♪ ♪ ♪ 33 00:01:58,518 --> 00:02:02,655 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 34 00:02:02,722 --> 00:02:17,604 >> Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU. THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE. 35 00:02:17,670 --> 00:02:18,338 >> Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU. THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE. 36 00:02:18,404 --> 00:02:21,174 HELLO, MY FRIENDS. HELLO! 37 00:02:21,241 --> 00:02:25,845 THANKS, EVERYBODY. ISN'T THAT PLEASANT. 38 00:02:25,912 --> 00:02:29,349 ISN'T THAT PLEASANT RIGHT THERE. LOVELY PEOPLE. 39 00:02:29,415 --> 00:02:31,718 WELCOME, WELCOME,s ONE AND ALL, IN HERE, OUT THERE, ALL 40 00:02:31,784 --> 00:02:36,189 AROUND THE WORLD, ON SHIP-TO-SHORE RADIO. 41 00:02:36,256 --> 00:02:38,658 WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW." I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. 42 00:02:38,725 --> 00:02:49,502 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) FIVE. 43 00:02:49,569 --> 00:02:51,938 WE ARE FIVE WEEKS INTO RUSSIAS' UNLAWFUL AND BRUTAL INVASION OF 44 00:02:52,005 --> 00:02:57,844 UKRAINE, RUSSIA STILL CANNOT OVERCOME UKRAINE'S FIERCE 45 00:02:57,911 --> 00:02:59,212 RESISTANCE-- ALSO, THEIR BASIC INCOMPETENCE. 46 00:02:59,279 --> 00:03:00,547 THEIR GROUND FORCES ARE-- AND I DON'T WANT TO GET TOO TECHNICAL 47 00:03:00,613 --> 00:03:08,288 HERE-- A BUCKET OF HOT DOO-DOO. ( LAUGHTER ) 48 00:03:08,354 --> 00:03:11,658 RUNNING LOW ON EQUIPMENT, INCLUDING CAMOUFLAGE, WHICH IS 49 00:03:11,724 --> 00:03:13,526 WHY THEY'VE RESORTED TO USING TREE BRANCHES AND STRAW TO 50 00:03:13,593 --> 00:03:19,432 CONCEAL TANKS AND OTHER ARMORED VEHICLES. 51 00:03:19,499 --> 00:03:23,436 OKAY, SO, USING FOREST CAMO USING FOUND MATERIALS DOESN'T 52 00:03:23,503 --> 00:03:26,606 SOUND THAT BAD. CAN WE SEE WHAT THAT LOOKS LIKE? 53 00:03:26,673 --> 00:03:34,047 WHERE DID THE TRUCKS GO? OH, I SEE. 54 00:03:34,113 --> 00:03:35,949 IT'S A BEAUTIFUL HEDGE. THAT LOOKS LIKE A LINE OF TRUCKS 55 00:03:36,015 --> 00:03:45,391 GOT A GROUPON FOR HAIR PLUGS. MAYBE THEY'RE NOT DONE. 56 00:03:45,458 --> 00:03:48,361 IS THERE ANY WAY THEY CAN MAKE THAT CAMO MORE CONVINCING? 57 00:03:48,428 --> 00:03:56,069 THERE YOU GO. ( APPLAUSE ) 58 00:03:56,135 --> 00:03:59,839 TOP, WHILE OTHER RUSSIAN UNITS HAVE TRIED HIDING THEIR VEHICLES 59 00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:01,708 WITH FESTIVE GARLANDS. THOSE TANKS LOOK LIKE THEY WERE 60 00:04:01,774 --> 00:04:04,310 DECORATED BY A DIVORCED DAD WHO FORGOT ABOUT CHRISTMAS. 61 00:04:04,377 --> 00:04:13,252 ( AS DAD ) HAD ALL THESE LEFTOVER BRANCHES. 62 00:04:13,319 --> 00:04:16,089 HEY! SANTA GOT YOU HALF A BOTTLE OF 63 00:04:16,155 --> 00:04:21,561 HUGO BOSS COLOGNE AND AN IPHONE 6 CHARGER." 64 00:04:21,628 --> 00:04:22,729 THE. RUSSIAN TROOPS ARE ALSO TRYING 65 00:04:22,795 --> 00:04:27,600 TO CAMOUFLAGE THEIR TANKS WITH SWATHS OF CARPETING. 66 00:04:27,667 --> 00:04:28,901 NOW, I'M NO MILITARY EXPERT, BUT I BELIEVE IF YOU WANT TO 67 00:04:28,968 --> 00:04:30,937 CAMOUFLAGE A TANK, MAYBE DISGUISE IT AS SOMETHING THAT 68 00:04:31,004 --> 00:04:34,674 MOVES. ( RUSSIAN ) 69 00:04:34,741 --> 00:04:38,544 JUST NORMAL PILE OF CARPET, SLOWLY RUMBLING DOWN THE 70 00:04:38,611 --> 00:04:41,547 STREET." OF COURSE, IF YOU NEED CARPETING 71 00:04:41,614 --> 00:04:52,158 TO HIDE YOUR TANK, YOU GOTTA CALL THE EXPERTS AT 72 00:04:52,225 --> 00:04:55,928 ♪ 800-588-2300-WAR CRIMES TODAY ♪ 73 00:04:55,995 --> 00:05:04,937 THERE'S AN UPDATE-- ( APPLAUSE ) 74 00:05:05,004 --> 00:05:08,107 THE FIRST AND MOST DRAMATIC STORIES OUT OF UKRAINE. 75 00:05:08,174 --> 00:05:13,012 YOU'LL REMEMBER, RIGHT AT THE START OF THE INVASION, THERE WAS 76 00:05:13,079 --> 00:05:14,747 A UKRAINIAN MILITARY UNIT PROTECTING A PLACE CALLED SNAKE 77 00:05:14,814 --> 00:05:20,820 ISLAND. AND THE SOLDIERS, A GROUP OF 78 00:05:20,887 --> 00:05:25,858 THEM, WHO WERE GUARDING THE ISLAND, WERE TOLD TO SURRENDER 79 00:05:25,925 --> 00:05:26,993 IMMEDIATELY. AND THIS IS HOW ONE OF THOSE 80 00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:31,798 SOLDIERS ANSWERED. >> RUSSIAN WARSHIP GO (BLEEP) 81 00:05:31,864 --> 00:05:35,435 YOURSELF. >> Stephen: THAT WAS SO BALLSY, 82 00:05:35,501 --> 00:05:46,512 THAT WAS-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 83 00:05:46,579 --> 00:05:49,148 HAS BECOME A BATTLE CRY FOR THE UKRAINIAN PEOPLE. 84 00:05:49,215 --> 00:05:52,952 THE UKRAINIAN GOVERNMENT-- AND THIS IS TRUE-- ACTUALLY ISSUED 85 00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:56,456 A COMMEMORATIVE STAMP, FEATURING THE SOLDIER FLIPPING THE 86 00:05:56,522 --> 00:05:58,291 NATIONAL BIRD. WHAT? 87 00:05:58,357 --> 00:06:01,494 WHAT? GIVEN WHAT RUSSIA'S DONE TO 88 00:06:01,561 --> 00:06:05,698 UKRAINE, I HOPE THAT'S A GO ( BLEEP ) YOURSELF FOREVER 89 00:06:05,765 --> 00:06:08,868 STAMP. BEST OF ALL-- IT IT NEVER LOSES 90 00:06:08,935 --> 00:06:12,472 VALUE. NEVER LOSES. 91 00:06:12,538 --> 00:06:17,543 BEST OF ALL, IT TURNS OUT THOSE BRAVE SOLDIERS WHO ORIGINALLY 92 00:06:17,610 --> 00:06:22,381 THOUGHT WERE KILLED SURVIVED. AND LAST WEEK, THEY WERE FREED 93 00:06:22,448 --> 00:06:24,951 IN A PRISONER SWAP. THE RUSSIANS TRADED THEM FOR A 94 00:06:25,017 --> 00:06:26,018 MINOR LEAGUE SHORTSTOP. ( LAUGHTER ) 95 00:06:26,085 --> 00:06:35,161 ( LAUGHTER ) HAS AWARDED THE POTTY-MOUTHED 96 00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:37,196 HERO WITH A MEDAL FOR HIS SERVICE. 97 00:06:37,263 --> 00:06:38,631 YES. HE HAS-- 98 00:06:38,698 --> 00:06:45,238 ( APPLAUSE ) IT'S LEAST YOU CAN DO. 99 00:06:45,304 --> 00:06:48,708 HE'S RECEIVED THE PRESTIGIOUS PURPLE FINGER. 100 00:06:48,775 --> 00:06:52,145 ( LAUGHTER ) PUNISHING RUSSIAN OLIGARCHS WITH 101 00:06:52,211 --> 00:06:59,051 SANCTIONS AND SEIZURES. AND I'LL CATCH YOU UP IN THE 102 00:06:59,118 --> 00:07:02,355 LATEST INSTALLMENT OF MY J.D. POWER AND ASSOCIATES 103 00:07:02,421 --> 00:07:04,924 AWARD-WINNING SERIES: YACHT GACHT CACHT... 104 00:07:04,991 --> 00:07:08,194 JACKPACHT! ON TODAY'S EPISODE, A 105 00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:11,430 $49 MILLION RUSSIAN SUPERYACHT HAS BEEN DETAINED BY U.K. 106 00:07:11,497 --> 00:07:15,768 OFFICIALS NEAR LONDON. OKAY, THAT'S GOOD. 107 00:07:15,835 --> 00:07:18,437 ONE SMALL THING: FOR A WHOLE MONTH, WE'VE BEEN HEARING 108 00:07:18,504 --> 00:07:22,008 STORIES ABOUT $120 MILLION SUPERYACHTS, $580 MILLION 109 00:07:22,074 --> 00:07:25,211 RUSSIAN SUPERYACHTS, AND EVEN $600 MILLION SUPERYACHTS. 110 00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:29,482 $49 MILLION? THAT'S NOT A SUPERYACHT. 111 00:07:29,549 --> 00:07:32,952 THAT'S AT BEST A MEGA-DINGHY. ( LAUGHTER ) 112 00:07:33,019 --> 00:07:37,356 CHRISTEN IT THE S.S. "KIRKLAND SIGNATURE BLEND." 113 00:07:37,423 --> 00:07:42,461 ( LAUGHTER ) IT'S NOT A SUPERYACHT! 114 00:07:42,528 --> 00:07:46,966 A SUPERYACHT-- >> BARELY QUALIFIES, BARELY 115 00:07:47,033 --> 00:07:49,502 QUALIFIES. >> Stephen: SUPERYACHT HAS 116 00:07:49,569 --> 00:07:53,105 ANOTHER YACHTED IN OF IT. THE SHIP WAS NABBED WHEN IT WAS 117 00:07:53,172 --> 00:07:54,240 IN TOWN FOR A SUPERYACHT AWARDS CEREMONY. 118 00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:57,143 OF COURSE, AT THE SUPERYACHT AWARDS CEREMONY, CATEGORIES 119 00:07:57,210 --> 00:08:01,380 INCLUDE BEST BOAT, BIGGEST BEST BOAT BOY, RICHEST BEST BIG 120 00:08:01,447 --> 00:08:03,850 STRONG BOAT MAN, AANND... SMALLEST PENIS. 121 00:08:03,916 --> 00:08:08,588 ( LAUGHTER ) WIALL OF THEM. 122 00:08:08,654 --> 00:08:10,690 THEY ALL WIN. EVERYONE GETS ONE. 123 00:08:10,756 --> 00:08:13,659 IT'S LIKE A PARTICIPATION TROPHY. 124 00:08:13,726 --> 00:08:18,531 OF AND, HEY, RUSSIAN OLIGARCHS, HERE'S A PRO TIP: IF YOU DON'T 125 00:08:18,598 --> 00:08:22,368 WANT TO SEE YOUR BIG BOAT ON YACHT GACHT CACHT, JACKPACHT, 126 00:08:22,435 --> 00:08:26,839 YOU MIGHT WANT TO LIMIT YOUR GUEST LIST, BECAUSE RUSSIAN 127 00:08:26,906 --> 00:08:30,576 OLIGARCHS KEEP GETTING SCREWED OVER BY YACHT SELFIES, MOSTLY 128 00:08:30,643 --> 00:08:34,046 TAKEN BY EAGER PASSENGERS LIKE A STEP-DAUGHTER, EX-WIFE, AND IN 129 00:08:34,113 --> 00:08:37,416 ONE CASE AN ESCORT. THAT IS ROUGH. 130 00:08:37,483 --> 00:08:40,286 TRAPPED BY A THIRST TRAP. YOU KNOW WHAT? 131 00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:44,924 THEY SHOULD JUST HIDE THE LOCATION OF THE BOAT BETTER. 132 00:08:44,991 --> 00:08:49,462 HAVE THEM CONSIDER COVERING THEIR YACHTS WITH CARPET AND 133 00:08:49,528 --> 00:08:57,470 LOOSE PINE BRANCHES. NOT EVERYONE, OF COURSE, OUT 134 00:08:57,536 --> 00:08:59,505 THERE IS STANDING UP FOR UKRAINE. 135 00:08:59,572 --> 00:09:04,310 TAKE FORMER PRESIDENT, THE NOTORIOUS B.I.G.O.T. 136 00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:09,882 YESTERDAY, HE HAD AN INTERVIEW ON-- AND I ( BLEEP ) 3 NOT-- THE 137 00:09:09,949 --> 00:09:14,687 "JUST THE NEWS" TELEVISION SHOW ON THE REAL AMERICA'S VOICE 138 00:09:14,754 --> 00:09:16,989 NETWORK. THE RIGHT-WING NEWS OUTLETS THAT 139 00:09:17,056 --> 00:09:24,530 OUR FORMER PRESIDENT HAS BEEN REDUCED TO APPEARING ON. 140 00:09:24,597 --> 00:09:31,103 OKAY, YOUR NEXT INTERVIEW IS GOING TO BE WITH EAGLE FREEDOM 141 00:09:31,170 --> 00:09:43,649 GUN EAGLE GASWREZ. ANYWAY, DURING THE INTERVIEW, 142 00:09:43,716 --> 00:09:45,851 THE FORMER PRESIDENT CALLED ON VLADIMIR PUTIN TO RELEASE DIRT 143 00:09:45,918 --> 00:09:49,322 ON HUNTER BIDN. DAMN, HE'S ASKING FOR RUSSIAN 144 00:09:49,388 --> 00:09:53,426 HELP THROUGH THE TV AGAIN? DOES THIS MAN HAVE NO SHAME? 145 00:09:53,492 --> 00:09:57,530 AND I WITHDRAW THE QUESTION. ( LAUGHTER ) 146 00:09:57,596 --> 00:10:05,471 IMPECCABLE. HE REMINDED THE WORLD THAT PUTIN 147 00:10:05,538 --> 00:10:10,009 IS HIS BUDDY AT THE EXACT MOMENT THAT EVERYONE REALIZES THAT HIS 148 00:10:10,076 --> 00:10:13,179 BUDDY IS ACTUAL HITLER. THIS IS WORSE THAN LAST YEAR, 149 00:10:13,245 --> 00:10:15,848 WHEN JELL-O RE-SIGNED BILL COSBY TO ANNOUNCE THEIR NEW FLAVOR: 150 00:10:15,915 --> 00:10:20,052 "OUT ON A TECHNICALITY ORANGE." ( LAUGHTER ) 151 00:10:20,119 --> 00:10:30,863 I BET IT'S DELICIOUS. IT'S NOT THE JELL-O'S FAULT. 152 00:10:30,930 --> 00:10:33,466 HERE'S THE STUPID: THE FORMER PRESIDENT ALLEGES THAT THE 153 00:10:33,532 --> 00:10:37,737 BIDENS GOT $3.5 MILLION DOLLARS FROM THE MAYOR OF MOSCOW'S WIFE. 154 00:10:37,803 --> 00:10:40,106 BUT NEITHER HE, NOR ANYONE, HAS ANY EVIDENCE. 155 00:10:40,172 --> 00:10:44,110 INSTEAD, HE SIMPLY TOLD THE HOST, "I WOULD THINK PUTIN WOULD 156 00:10:44,176 --> 00:10:47,279 KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT. I THINK HE SHOULD RELEASE IT." 157 00:10:47,346 --> 00:10:50,850 IT'S GENERALLY FROWNED UPON FOR U.S. PRESIDENTS, CURRENT OR 158 00:10:50,916 --> 00:10:55,121 FORMER, TO SOLICIT OUR MURDEROUS MORTAL ENEMIES FOR DIRT ON THEIR 159 00:10:55,187 --> 00:10:59,992 POLITICAL RIVALS, EVER SINCE REAGAN SAID THIS: 160 00:11:00,059 --> 00:11:02,928 >> MISTER GORBACHEV, TEAR DOWN WALTER MONDALE'S KIDS! 161 00:11:02,995 --> 00:11:08,067 ( LAUGHTER ) THE GIPPER DID THAT. 162 00:11:08,134 --> 00:11:11,037 I CAN'T BELIEVE THE GIPPER DID THAT. 163 00:11:11,103 --> 00:11:15,241 CAN'T BELIEVE THAT. SPEAKING OF RIGHT-WING WEIRDOS, 164 00:11:15,307 --> 00:11:19,445 THERE'S SOME SPLASH-BACK TO THE STORY FROM NORTH CAROLINA 165 00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:24,483 CONGRESSMAN AND HAUNTED JACK-IN-THE-BOX, MADISON 166 00:11:24,550 --> 00:11:26,652 CAWTHORN. RECENTLY CAWTHORN MADE THIS 167 00:11:26,719 --> 00:11:30,389 EXTRAORDINARY CLAIMS THAT HIS REPUBLICAN COLLEAGUES 168 00:11:30,456 --> 00:11:32,058 IN CONGRESS ARE ORGY-FREQUENTING DEGENERATES WITH A FONDNESS FOR 169 00:11:32,124 --> 00:11:33,559 HARD DRUGS. GIVEN THE AVERAGE AGE OF THE 170 00:11:33,626 --> 00:11:36,595 G.O.P., I ASSUME THEY'RE SNORTING BONIVA. 171 00:11:36,662 --> 00:11:41,333 ( LAUGHTER ) MY FEMUR IS HARDER THAN A 172 00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:43,002 DIAMOND! I'LL FILIBUSTER ANYTHING THAT 173 00:11:43,069 --> 00:11:51,844 MOVES!" CAWTHORN SAID THE COCAINE ORNLY 174 00:11:51,911 --> 00:11:55,681 PEOPLE WERE PEOPLE HE LOOKED UP TO, BUT SO FAR, HE HASN'T NAMED 175 00:11:55,748 --> 00:11:58,250 ANY NAMES. HOWEVER, ON MONDAY, ON THIS 176 00:11:58,317 --> 00:12:04,090 SHOW, I FLOATED THIS THEORY: THE STRANGELY FOLKSY NATURE OF 177 00:12:04,156 --> 00:12:07,326 "SEXUAL GET-TOGETHER" MEANS HE MUST BE TALKING ABOUT THE FAMED 178 00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:16,735 REPUBLICAN FLESH PIT: "CHUCK GRASSLEY'S ASS JAMBOREE." 179 00:12:16,802 --> 00:12:20,706 NOW, AS OF THIS TAPING, SENATOR GRASSLEY HAS NOT DENIED OUR 180 00:12:20,773 --> 00:12:22,041 ALLEGATION. ( LAUGHTER ) 181 00:12:22,108 --> 00:12:28,447 THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S RIGHT. IS THAT CORRECT? 182 00:12:28,514 --> 00:12:32,284 HAVE WE REACHED OUT? HAVE WE REACHED AROUND? 183 00:12:32,351 --> 00:12:34,653 NO? WELL, THEN I WILL ASK HIM NOW. 184 00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:38,691 I WILL ASK HIM NOW OFFICIALLY: SENATOR, DO YOU, IN FACT, HOLD 185 00:12:38,757 --> 00:12:44,296 AN ANNUAL ASS JAMBOREE? SIR, AT LONG LAST, DO YOU BACK 186 00:12:44,363 --> 00:12:50,136 IT UP LIKE A TONKA TRUCK? ( LAUGHTER ) 187 00:12:50,202 --> 00:12:53,105 RIGHT TO KNOW. THE G.O.P. RANK AND FILE ARE NOW 188 00:12:53,172 --> 00:12:55,608 RESPONDING TO CAWTHORN'S COMMENTS, AND THEY ARE NOT 189 00:12:55,674 --> 00:12:57,109 HAPPY. REPRESENTATIVE DAN CRENSHAW OF 190 00:12:57,176 --> 00:12:58,210 TEXAS SAID, "IT DOES PAINT THE PICTURE HERE THAT ISN'T 191 00:12:58,277 --> 00:12:59,678 ACCURATE." THANK GOD, BECAUSE THAT PICTURE 192 00:12:59,745 --> 00:13:04,950 IS TOO AWFUL TO BE REAL. I'VE INTERVIEWED 80 MEMBERS OF 193 00:13:05,017 --> 00:13:10,156 CONGRESS. AND I'D HAVE SEX WITH TWO AND A 194 00:13:10,222 --> 00:13:13,292 HALF OF THEM. NOT AT THE SAME TIME, OF COURSE. 195 00:13:13,359 --> 00:13:15,261 I'M NOT IN THE G.O.P. ONE PERSON WHO CLEARLY WASN'T 196 00:13:15,327 --> 00:13:20,065 INVITED TO THE BIG-TENT PARTY WAS LOUIE GOHMERT OF TEXAS, WHO 197 00:13:20,132 --> 00:13:23,769 SAID, "I HAVEN'T SEEN THOSE PARTIES. 198 00:13:23,836 --> 00:13:28,941 SO I NEED TO FIND OUT MORE ABOUT IT BEFRE I COMMENT, BECAUSE 199 00:13:29,008 --> 00:13:32,378 THAT JUST SEEMS RATHER BIZARRE." OKAY, HE DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT 200 00:13:32,444 --> 00:13:34,246 THIS? THAT'S GOT ME DOUBTING 201 00:13:34,313 --> 00:13:43,055 CAWTHORN'S STORY. BECAUSE YOU'RE TELLING ME 202 00:13:43,122 --> 00:13:45,824 CONGRESSIONAL ORGIES ARE HAPPENING AND LOUIE GOHMERT 203 00:13:45,891 --> 00:13:47,159 ISN'T A FIRST-ROUND DRAFT PICK? I HEAR THE CARPET MATCHES THE 204 00:13:47,226 --> 00:13:51,730 SCALP. ( LAUGHTER ) 205 00:13:51,797 --> 00:13:54,800 TONIGHT. MY GUESTS ARE ELLE FANNING AND 206 00:13:54,867 --> 00:13:57,303 BEN SCHWARTZ. BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, HAVE YOU 207 00:13:57,369 --> 00:14:01,140 EVER WISHED SOMEONE WOULD MAKE A DEAD-EYED ROBOT CHILD? 208 00:14:01,207 --> 00:14:02,474 YOU'RE IN LUCK. ♪ ♪ ♪ 209 00:14:44,583 --> 00:14:46,986 WELCOME BACK. GIVE IT UP FOR THE BAND RIGHT 210 00:14:47,052 --> 00:14:56,362 THERE. STAY HUMAN. 211 00:14:56,428 --> 00:15:02,668 LEWIS, LEWIS, TWO DELIGHTFUL YOUNG PERFORMERS ON THE SHOW 212 00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:04,770 TONIGHT. ELLE FANNING IS GOING TO BE HERE 213 00:15:04,837 --> 00:15:08,607 ON THE SHOW TONIGHT. AND FROM "SONIC HEDGEHOG 2", 214 00:15:08,674 --> 00:15:11,477 SONIC HIMSELF, BEN SCHWARTZ IS GOING TO BE HERE TONIGHT. 215 00:15:11,543 --> 00:15:18,284 ( APPLAUSE ) OUT SO FAR THIS WEEK, BECAUSE 216 00:15:18,350 --> 00:15:22,021 HE'S OUT THERE PREPPING FOR THE GRAMMYS. 217 00:15:22,087 --> 00:15:25,924 AND JOE IS OUT IN LOS ANGELES. ARE THEY ALSO PREPPING FOR THE 218 00:15:25,991 --> 00:15:27,293 GRAMMYS? WHAT ARE THEY DOING? 219 00:15:27,359 --> 00:15:31,230 >> I THINK THEY'RE IN VEGAS, AND I THINK THEY ARE GOING TO HELP 220 00:15:31,297 --> 00:15:34,466 JON CARRY THE AWARDS. HE'S NOMINATED FOR 11. 221 00:15:34,533 --> 00:15:37,703 >> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT. >> IT'S A LOAD, YOU KNOW. 222 00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:41,573 IT'S LIKE GRAMMY CADDIES. >> Stephen: THEY'RE GRAMMY 223 00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:43,409 SHERPAS TO HELP HIM GET ALL OF IT HOME. 224 00:15:43,475 --> 00:15:45,978 THERE YOU GO. I UNDERSTAND YOU HAVE SOMEONE 225 00:15:46,045 --> 00:15:48,747 VERY SPECIAL JOINING US TONIGHT. >> WE DO. 226 00:15:48,814 --> 00:15:54,119 MY GOSH WE HAVE ONE OF THE MOST PROFOUNDLY INFLUENTIAL 227 00:15:54,186 --> 00:15:59,725 GUITARISTS OF OUR GENERATION, MY DEAR FRIEND, ISAIAH SHARKIE ON 228 00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:01,794 THE GUITAR. >> Stephen: ISAIAH, THANK YOU 229 00:16:01,860 --> 00:16:03,295 FOR BEING HERE. GOOD TO SEE YOU. 230 00:16:03,362 --> 00:16:15,140 ( APPLAUSE ) ROBOTS-- IS WHAT I KEEP SAYING 231 00:16:15,207 --> 00:16:17,543 ON NATIONAL TELEVISION SO WHEN THE MACHINES RISE UP, THEY WILL 232 00:16:17,609 --> 00:16:22,414 SPARE ME. AND I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT THE 233 00:16:22,481 --> 00:16:24,983 LATEST GIZMOS AND GADGA-MAJIGS IN MY ARTIFICIALLY INTELLIGENT 234 00:16:25,050 --> 00:16:38,797 SEGMENT: 235 00:16:38,864 --> 00:16:43,235 ( LAUGHTER ) CYBORGASM! 236 00:16:43,302 --> 00:16:47,773 I HAVE TO SAY IT. I HAVE TO SAY 237 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:53,712 CYBORGASM! WE'LL TALK LATER. 238 00:16:53,779 --> 00:17:00,719 FIRST UP, SCIENTISTS WORKING ON ROBOTS THAT CAN CONVEY HUMAN 239 00:17:00,786 --> 00:17:07,359 NICULA, A ROBOT WITH A REALISTIC FACE. 240 00:17:07,426 --> 00:17:09,561 FINALLY ANSWERING THE QUESTION, "WHAT WOULD CAILLOU'S EXPRESSION 241 00:17:09,628 --> 00:17:11,029 BE RIGHT BEFORE HE STRANGLED YOU? 242 00:17:11,096 --> 00:17:13,899 THE ROBOT WAS DESIGNED BY RIKEN GUARDIAN ROBOT PROJECT, 243 00:17:13,966 --> 00:17:24,143 AND IT CAN SUCCESSFULLY CONVEY SIX BASIC EMOTIONS. 244 00:17:24,209 --> 00:17:25,177 SO, MORE THAN VIN DIESEL. ( LAUGHTER ) 245 00:17:25,244 --> 00:17:29,615 VERY SIMILAR. THE EMOTIONS THAT NIKOLA CAN 246 00:17:29,681 --> 00:17:34,219 EXPRESS ARE HAPPINESS, SADNESS, FEAR, ANGER, SURPRISE, AND 247 00:17:34,286 --> 00:17:37,389 DISGUST. OTHERWISE KNOWN AS THE FULL 248 00:17:37,456 --> 00:17:40,092 EMOTIONAL CYCLE OF EATING AT PAPA JOHN'S. 249 00:17:40,159 --> 00:17:50,102 ( LAUGHTER ) RESEARCHERS HAVE ANNOUNCED THAT 250 00:17:50,169 --> 00:17:54,072 A LARGE ROBOTIC SNAKE OF UNPRECEDENTED STRENGTH, 251 00:17:54,139 --> 00:17:56,074 FLEXIBILITY, AND LIFESPAN HAS BEEN BUILT TO EXPLORE SPACE. 252 00:17:56,141 --> 00:18:00,212 THANK YOU, CHINA. ( LAUGHTER ) 253 00:18:00,279 --> 00:18:06,552 WORLDVIEW TO LOOK AT A BIG SCARY SNAKE AND THINK I WISH THAT WAS 254 00:18:06,618 --> 00:18:10,322 BIGGER, STRONG EXPRK COULD NEVER DIE." 255 00:18:10,389 --> 00:18:13,025 IN DESCRIBING THE PROJECT, THE CHINESE SCIENTISTS SAID THAT 256 00:18:13,091 --> 00:18:14,760 THE ROBOTIC TENTACLE COULD CRUSH A SMALL SATELLITE LIKE A PYTHON 257 00:18:14,827 --> 00:18:17,396 STRANGLES ITS PREY BUT THAT CHINA DOES NOT PLAN TO USE IT AS 258 00:18:17,463 --> 00:18:21,066 A WEAPON. REALLY? 259 00:18:21,133 --> 00:18:25,137 THAT'S A LOT OF DETAIL ABOUT SOMETHIN' YOU'RE NOT GONNA DO, 260 00:18:25,204 --> 00:18:27,239 CHINA. IT'S LIKE A REALTOR SAYING, 261 00:18:27,306 --> 00:18:30,876 "THIS PLACE HAS A GREAT BASEMENT FOR SHACKLING UNSUSPECTING HOME 262 00:18:30,943 --> 00:18:33,745 BUYERS TO A RADIATOR, BUT I DO NOT PLAN TO DO THAT. 263 00:18:33,812 --> 00:18:36,515 ANYWAY, WHY DON'T YOU HEAD ON DOWN THE STAIRS AND TAKE A LOOK. 264 00:18:36,582 --> 00:18:41,720 THE LIGHT SWITCH IS AT THE BOTTOM." 265 00:18:41,787 --> 00:18:56,668 ( LAUGHTER ) NEXT UP ON THE CYBGASM: 266 00:18:56,735 --> 00:19:04,977 ( LAUGHTER ) NEXT UP ON THE CYBGASM: 267 00:19:05,043 --> 00:19:06,245 GUILT-RIDDEN DOG OWNERS REJOICE. ROCKI IS A NEW ROBOT COMPANION 268 00:19:06,311 --> 00:19:07,546 FOR YOUR POOCH WHEN YOU'RE AWAY. ROCKI IS A SMARTPHONE-CONTROLLED 269 00:19:07,613 --> 00:19:08,680 ROBOT THAT ALLOWS YOU TO INTERACT WITH YOUR PETS FROM 270 00:19:08,747 --> 00:19:09,615 ANYWHERE THAT IS ALSO A $250 TREAT DISPENSER. 271 00:19:09,681 --> 00:19:10,649 TAKE A LOOK. >> YOU JUST GOTTA PUSH TWO 272 00:19:10,716 --> 00:19:11,884 BUTTONS ON THE SIDE HERE, AND THE TOP COMES OFF. 273 00:19:11,950 --> 00:19:12,684 AND AS YOU CAN SEE, THERE ARE 15 CHAMBERS FOR LOADING TREATS 274 00:19:12,751 --> 00:19:13,852 INTO. >> Stephen: AND IF YOU WANT TO 275 00:19:13,919 --> 00:19:15,787 SIMULATE THE EFFECT OF WHAT A DOG IS GOING TO DO TO THAT 276 00:19:15,854 --> 00:19:21,793 ROBOT, SIMPLY ROLL A DOG TREAT INSIDE $250. 277 00:19:21,860 --> 00:19:25,797 NEXT UP IN THE CYBORGASM PIT, GET READY FOR THE FIRST 278 00:19:25,864 --> 00:19:28,367 REMOTE-CONTROLLED STORE ON WHEELS, WHICH WILL BE SO 279 00:19:28,433 --> 00:19:30,335 CONVENIENT FOR FLORIDIANS. NOW THE JAMB JUICE CAN GET HIGH 280 00:19:30,402 --> 00:19:33,539 AND CRASH INTO YOU. ( LAUGHTER ) 281 00:19:33,605 --> 00:19:40,879 ( APPLAUSE ) RECOGNITION. 282 00:19:40,946 --> 00:19:45,450 THE STORE ON WHEELS IS A ROBOT THAT CAN SELL A VARIED 283 00:19:45,517 --> 00:19:50,989 INVENTORY-- CHOCOLATES, AIRPODS, KNEE SOCKS. 284 00:19:51,056 --> 00:19:52,624 PERFECT IF YOU'RE SHOPPING FOR THREE PEOPLE BUT ONLY LIKE TWO 285 00:19:52,691 --> 00:19:55,394 OF THEM. ( LAUGHTER ) 286 00:19:55,460 --> 00:20:03,569 GOING TO HIRE 100 ROBOTS TO FLIP BURGERS. 287 00:20:03,635 --> 00:20:05,737 OKAY, GREAT. ONE QUIBBLE: HOW EXACTLY DOES 288 00:20:05,804 --> 00:20:09,274 ONE HIRE A ROBOT? ( AS INTERVIEWER ) 289 00:20:09,341 --> 00:20:14,346 IT SAYS HERE THAT YOU'RE A MACHINE BUILT FOR THE SINGULAR 290 00:20:14,413 --> 00:20:17,549 PURPOSE OF DOING THIS ONE JOB. I'M SORRY, WE'RE LOOKING FOR 291 00:20:17,616 --> 00:20:21,286 SOMEONE WITH A BACHELOR'S DEGREE." 292 00:20:21,353 --> 00:20:22,988 THE ROBOT IN QUESTION IS THIS LONG-ARM THING, AND IT'S 293 00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:31,897 NAME IS "FLIPPY 2." WHICH, OF COURSE, RAISES THE 294 00:20:31,964 --> 00:20:35,934 THE TROUBLING QUESTION: ( LAUGHTER ) 295 00:20:36,001 --> 00:20:50,882 WHAT HAPPENED TO "FLIPPY 1?" WAS IT, MURDER? 296 00:20:50,949 --> 00:20:51,750 WHAT HAPPENED TO "FLIPPY 1?" WAS IT, MURDER? 297 00:20:51,817 --> 00:20:53,118 HE PROBABLY JUST BROKE OR SOMETHING. 298 00:20:53,185 --> 00:20:54,820 FLIPPY 2's MAKER RELEASED A STATEMENT, SAYING FLIPPY 2 299 00:20:54,886 --> 00:20:58,256 ALLEVIATES THE PAIN POINTS THAT COME WITH BACK-OF-HOUSE ROLES AT 300 00:20:58,323 --> 00:21:02,527 QUICK-SERVICE RESTAURANTS, AND ALLOWS FOR THE REDEPLOYMENT OF 301 00:21:02,594 --> 00:21:04,730 TEAM MEMBERS TO FOCUS ON CREATING MEMORABLE MOMENTS FOR 302 00:21:04,796 --> 00:21:11,370 CUSTOMERS. I PROMISE YOU, EVERY TIME I HAVE 303 00:21:11,436 --> 00:21:15,607 EATEN AT A WHITE CASTLE, I WOULD HAVE PAID MONEY TO FORGET IT. 304 00:21:15,674 --> 00:21:19,444 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH ELLE FANNING. 305 00:21:35,827 --> 00:21:40,699 EVERYBODY! GIVE IT UP FOR ISAIAH SHARKIE, 306 00:21:40,766 --> 00:21:46,638 MAN. ( APPLAUSE ) 307 00:21:46,705 --> 00:21:55,414 BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW." FOLKS, MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS 308 00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:56,848 AN ACTOR YOU KNOW FROM "MALEFICENT" AND, "THE GREAT." 309 00:21:56,915 --> 00:22:04,589 SHE NOW STARS IN "THE GIRL FROM PLAINVILLE." 310 00:22:04,656 --> 00:22:14,700 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( KNOCK ON DOOR ) 311 00:22:14,766 --> 00:22:18,870 >> WE'VE BEEN TALKING, AND YOUR FATHER AND I THINK YOU SHOULD 312 00:22:18,937 --> 00:22:27,279 SEE THE DOCTOR AGAIN. >> WHY? 313 00:22:27,345 --> 00:22:32,651 >> IT'S JUST-- IT FEELS A LITTLE TOO SIMILAR TO LAST TIME. 314 00:22:32,718 --> 00:22:36,822 >> IT'S NOT TRUE. THE SULKY, THE YELLING, I'M 315 00:22:36,888 --> 00:22:43,462 GRIEVING, MOM. >> REMEMBER HOW MUCH BETTER YOU 316 00:22:43,528 --> 00:22:50,302 FELT AFTER? IT COULD HELP. 317 00:22:50,368 --> 00:22:52,437 HE COULD PRESCRIBE YOU SOME NEW MEDS. 318 00:22:52,504 --> 00:22:55,741 >> I'M TAKING THE PILLS. WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? 319 00:22:55,807 --> 00:22:58,543 >> YOU COULD TALK TO ME. YOU COULD TALK TO YOUR DAD. 320 00:22:58,610 --> 00:23:00,378 >> YOU WOULDN'T GET IT. OF 321 00:23:00,445 --> 00:23:06,284 >> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW," ELLE FANNING! 322 00:23:06,351 --> 00:23:21,233 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 323 00:23:21,299 --> 00:23:24,669 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 324 00:23:24,736 --> 00:23:28,740 THANKS FOR COMING ON. >> SO NICE TO MEET YOU. 325 00:23:28,807 --> 00:23:31,443 I'M SO EXCITED. THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE HERE, 326 00:23:31,510 --> 00:23:32,711 DOUBLE-DECKER SITUATION. >> Stephen: I KNOW. 327 00:23:32,778 --> 00:23:35,647 HAS IT BEEN A WHILE SINCE YOU'VE BEEN IN FRONT OF A BIG CROWD? 328 00:23:35,714 --> 00:23:40,018 >> IT HAS, REALLY. I HAVEN'T BEEN TO NEW YORK IN, 329 00:23:40,085 --> 00:23:42,120 LIKE, THREE YEARS. MY SISTER LIVED HERE FOR SEVEN 330 00:23:42,187 --> 00:23:44,456 YEARS, ALMOST EIGHT. BUT I HAVEN'T BEEN BACK IN A 331 00:23:44,523 --> 00:23:45,957 LONG TIME. >> Stephen: IT'S A LOVELY 332 00:23:46,024 --> 00:23:50,028 PLACE. YOU SHOULD VISIT MORE, WE'RE 333 00:23:50,095 --> 00:23:53,698 HAPPY TO HAVE YOU. AND BY "WE" I MEAN NEW YORK. 334 00:23:53,765 --> 00:23:57,235 I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THIS PHOTOGRAPH, HERE YOU ARE HAVING 335 00:23:57,302 --> 00:24:01,339 A GREAT TIME WITH AN ABSOLUTE GIANT, FRANCIS FORD COPPOLA. 336 00:24:01,406 --> 00:24:03,441 HE'S RECEIVING HIS HOLLYWOOD WALK OF FAME STAR. 337 00:24:03,508 --> 00:24:05,877 YOU WERE THERE. YOU GAVE ONE OF THE SPEECHES TO 338 00:24:05,944 --> 00:24:06,978 HONOR HIM. >> DI. 339 00:24:07,045 --> 00:24:10,081 >> Stephen: IS THAT NERVE-RACKING TO SPEAK IN FRONT 340 00:24:10,148 --> 00:24:15,253 OF FRANCIS FORD COPPOLA. THE GUY CHANGED CINEMA. 341 00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:18,790 >> I WAS THERE, AND HIS SISTER PRESENTED IT TO HIM AS WELL. 342 00:24:18,857 --> 00:24:22,427 AND IT WAS-- I MEAN, YEAH, IT'S LIKE WHAT DO YOU SAY FOR, YOU 343 00:24:22,494 --> 00:24:27,465 KNOW, THE GREATEST OF ALL TIME? LIKE, HE IS THE GODFATHER IN 344 00:24:27,532 --> 00:24:30,468 CINEMA, YOU KNOW. SO, YES, IT WAS VERY NERVE 345 00:24:30,535 --> 00:24:35,740 WRACK, BUT I-- I AM FORTUNATE TO KIND OF BE VERY CLOSE WITH THE 346 00:24:35,807 --> 00:24:38,143 FAMILY AND I DO -- >> Stephen: HAVE YOU BEEN IN 347 00:24:38,210 --> 00:24:40,979 ONE OF HIS FILM'S. >> I HAVE. 348 00:24:41,046 --> 00:24:45,617 I WAS IN SOPHIA'S FILM, HIS DAUGHTER'S FILM, "SOMEWHERE" AND 349 00:24:45,684 --> 00:24:50,388 HE ASKED ME TO BE IN ONE OF HIS FILMS CALLED TWIXT. 350 00:24:50,455 --> 00:24:57,729 AND I GOT TO STAY ON NAPA VALLEY. 351 00:24:57,796 --> 00:24:59,931 >> Stephen: CAN THE GIRL IS ON HULU. 352 00:24:59,998 --> 00:25:04,803 YOU PLAY MICHELLE CARTER WHO IS CONVICTED OF INVOLUNTARY 353 00:25:04,870 --> 00:25:06,905 MANSLAUGHTER IN, WAS IT 2017, SOMETHING LIKE THAT? 354 00:25:06,972 --> 00:25:08,807 >> YES. >> Stephen: BECAUSE SHE 355 00:25:08,874 --> 00:25:13,511 BASICALLY HELPED COERCE HER BOYFRIEND INTO TAKING HIS OWN 356 00:25:13,578 --> 00:25:14,746 LIFE. >> YES. 357 00:25:14,813 --> 00:25:18,817 >> Stephen: HOW DO YOU PREPARE FOR A ROLE LIKE THAT SNOOTS NOT 358 00:25:18,884 --> 00:25:20,652 EXACTLY-- YOU CAN'T DO A RIDE-ALONG FOR THAT. 359 00:25:20,719 --> 00:25:22,053 >> NO. >> Stephen: WHAT IS IT-- DID 360 00:25:22,120 --> 00:25:24,456 YOU MEET HER? >> NO, I DID NOT MEET HER. 361 00:25:24,522 --> 00:25:30,996 BUT I-- YOU KNOW, I THINK THAT THIS CASE WAS A VERY RIPPED FROM 362 00:25:31,062 --> 00:25:33,498 THE HEADLINES CASE. >> Stephen: CREDIBLE DARK 363 00:25:33,565 --> 00:25:34,966 STORY. >> INCREDIBLY DARK, AND ENDED IN 364 00:25:35,033 --> 00:25:37,135 THE MOST TRAGIC WAY THAT IT COULD. 365 00:25:37,202 --> 00:25:41,306 I THINK COMING INTO IT I WANTED TO-- YOU KNOW, WE HAD TO BE-- I 366 00:25:41,373 --> 00:25:44,442 HAD TO MAKE SURE THAT EVERYONE INVOLVED WAS REALLY TELLING THE 367 00:25:44,509 --> 00:25:46,978 STORY IN A SENSITIVE WAY, BECAUSE I THINK IT COULD BE VERY 368 00:25:47,045 --> 00:25:51,616 EASY TO EXPLOIT OR SENSATIONALIZE A STORY LIKE 369 00:25:51,683 --> 00:25:53,618 THIS. BUT I THINK THE WAY THAT THE 370 00:25:53,685 --> 00:25:57,956 MEDIA KIND OF-- THEY REALLY PAINT AID VERY ONE-DIMERCIAL WAY 371 00:25:58,023 --> 00:26:00,558 OF THIS STORY. IT WAS, YOU KNOW, MICHELLE WAS 372 00:26:00,625 --> 00:26:04,162 KIND OF THIS BLACK WIDOW MANIPULATOR, AND CONRAD WAS HER 373 00:26:04,229 --> 00:26:07,032 VICTIM, AND HE VERY MUCH WAS A VICTIM IN THIS SITUATION. 374 00:26:07,098 --> 00:26:10,068 BUT, ALSO, HE WAS PAINTED VERY ONE DIMENSIONALLY. 375 00:26:10,135 --> 00:26:12,337 WE DIDN'T GET TO KNOW ABOUT THE YOUNG MAN HE WAS. 376 00:26:12,404 --> 00:26:16,508 SO WE WANTED TO REALLY, HOPEFULLY WITH THIS, KIND OF 377 00:26:16,574 --> 00:26:20,745 SHINE A LIGHT ON, YOU KNOW, MENTAL HEALTH AND HOW TECHNOLOGY 378 00:26:20,812 --> 00:26:22,314 IS AFFECTING YOUNG PEOPLE THESE DAYS. 379 00:26:22,380 --> 00:26:24,416 I MEAN, I -- >> Stephen: SUPPOSEDLY 380 00:26:24,482 --> 00:26:28,353 CONNECTING PEOPLE BUT IT ACTUALLY CAN MAKE PEOPLE FEEL 381 00:26:28,420 --> 00:26:29,688 HOPELESSLY ALONE. >> COMPLETELY. 382 00:26:29,754 --> 00:26:33,124 THAT KIND OF FALSE INTIMACY. IT'S LIKE-- I'M AN ACTOR SO I 383 00:26:33,191 --> 00:26:36,027 LIVE IN FANTASY ALL THE TIME. BUT OUR SHOW REALLY PLAYS WITH 384 00:26:36,094 --> 00:26:39,130 THAT BLURRED REALITY BETWEEN-- THAT KIND OF BLURRED IN-BETWEEN 385 00:26:39,197 --> 00:26:42,701 OF REALITY AND FANTASY. AND IT'S SO EASY TO GET LOST IN 386 00:26:42,767 --> 00:26:45,470 THE FANTASY WHEN IT'S ALL OVER TEXTS. 387 00:26:45,537 --> 00:26:48,206 THEIR RELATIONSHIP. THEY ONLY MET A HAND FULL OF 388 00:26:48,273 --> 00:26:50,742 TIMES, FOUR TIMES SOAP EVERYTHING WAS OVER THE TEXT. 389 00:26:50,809 --> 00:26:54,245 >> Stephen: SO HERE-- HERE YOU ARE-- HAVE YOU PLAYED A REAL 390 00:26:54,312 --> 00:26:58,049 PERSON BEFORE? >> NOT LIKE THIS. 391 00:26:58,116 --> 00:27:00,819 NOT SOMEONE WHO IS ALIVE. >> Stephen: THIS IS YOU ON 392 00:27:00,885 --> 00:27:01,920 THIS SIDE. I HAD TO ASK. 393 00:27:01,987 --> 00:27:03,655 >> THAT'S GOOD. >> Stephen: AND THIS IS 394 00:27:03,722 --> 00:27:05,690 MICHELLE ON THIS SIDE. >> OH. 395 00:27:05,757 --> 00:27:08,093 >> Stephen: WHAT WAS IT LIKE TO GO THROUGH THAT 396 00:27:08,159 --> 00:27:10,328 TRANSFORMATION? AND WHY DO YOU THINK IT WAS 397 00:27:10,395 --> 00:27:12,597 IMPORTANT TO CAPTURE THAT LOOK? >> THAT WAS REALLY SPECIFIC. 398 00:27:12,664 --> 00:27:18,536 I THINK A LOT OF PEOPLE WERE AWARE OF THE PAPARAZZI PHOTOS OF 399 00:27:18,603 --> 00:27:21,773 HER COMING IN AND OUT THE COURT, AND I HAD SEEN THOSE, AND SO 400 00:27:21,840 --> 00:27:26,177 SPECIFIC-- THE EYEBROW AND THE HAIR. 401 00:27:26,244 --> 00:27:30,515 AND THE HAIR AND MAKEUP TEAM HELPED TRANSFORM ME. 402 00:27:30,582 --> 00:27:33,018 IT WAS TWO AND A HALF HOURS EVERY DAY, AND THAT WAS JUST A 403 00:27:33,084 --> 00:27:35,587 SMALL PORTION, THAT LOOK. SHE KIND OF CHANGES HER LOOK 404 00:27:35,653 --> 00:27:38,123 THROUGHOUT BECAUSE IT SPANS SEVEN YEARS. 405 00:27:38,189 --> 00:27:41,092 SO THAT WAS-- IT WAS EERIE TO LOOK AT YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR. 406 00:27:41,159 --> 00:27:46,031 AND MIRIAM, OUR COSTUME DESIGNER, SHE ACTUALLY 407 00:27:46,097 --> 00:27:48,833 BACK-SEARCHED THE INTERNET TO FIND THE EXACT COURTROOM CLOSE 408 00:27:48,900 --> 00:27:54,305 SHE WORE FROM CHICO'S, AND ANNE TAYLOR, AND EVERYTHING WAS 409 00:27:54,372 --> 00:27:56,775 LITERALLY THE CLOTHES SHE HAD WORN. 410 00:27:56,841 --> 00:27:59,044 >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK, BUT WHEN WE COME 411 00:27:59,110 --> 00:28:00,545 BACK, I WILL ASK ELLE IF THERE IS A REAL PERSON SHE WOULD LIKE 412 00:28:00,612 --> 00:28:01,846 TO PLAY. STICK AROUND. 413 00:28:15,894 --> 00:28:23,768 WE'RE HERE WITH ELLE FANNING. IS THERE A REAL-WORLD PERSON 414 00:28:23,835 --> 00:28:25,837 THAT YOU'D LIKE TO PLAY THAT YOU HAVEN'T? 415 00:28:25,904 --> 00:28:28,573 >> I'VE ALWAYS THOUGHT GRACE KELLY. 416 00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:30,975 BUT THAT'S, LIKE, MY DREAM. THAT WOULD BE COOL. 417 00:28:31,042 --> 00:28:32,477 >> Stephen: THAT WOULD BE AN AMAZING STORY. 418 00:28:32,544 --> 00:28:34,479 >> YEAH, IT WOULD. >> Stephen: HAS ANYONE-- I 419 00:28:34,546 --> 00:28:37,282 DON'T KNOW IF ANYONE HAS EVER PLAYED GRACE KELLY. 420 00:28:37,348 --> 00:28:42,587 >> I THINK NICOLLE KIDMAN DID. AND SHE'S SOMEONE I WORKED WITH, 421 00:28:42,654 --> 00:28:43,655 TOO. >> Stephen: PLAYING NICOLLE 422 00:28:43,721 --> 00:28:46,057 KIDMAN WOULD BE FUN, TOO. >> VERY FUN! 423 00:28:46,124 --> 00:28:48,493 THAT WOULD BE GREAT! I THINK SHE WOULD LIKE IT. 424 00:28:48,560 --> 00:28:51,129 I'D HAVE TO GET HER APPROVAL. THAT'S A GOOD ONE. 425 00:28:51,196 --> 00:28:54,265 >> Stephen: WHO DO YOU THINK COULD PLAY YOU? 426 00:28:54,332 --> 00:28:57,669 MAYBE DAKOTA? >> PEOPLE HAVE ASKED ME THIS. 427 00:28:57,735 --> 00:28:59,404 YEAH, DAKOTA, THAT WOULD BE GOOD. 428 00:28:59,471 --> 00:29:01,206 THAT WOULD PROBABLY MAKE SENSE. >> Stephen: PEOPLE HAVE ASKED 429 00:29:01,272 --> 00:29:03,074 YOU WHO WOULD PLAY YOU? >> THEY HAVE. 430 00:29:03,141 --> 00:29:04,442 SOMEONE ASKED ME THAT BEFORE. >> Stephen: WOW. 431 00:29:04,509 --> 00:29:05,844 >> IT'S A REALLY INTERESTING QUESTION. 432 00:29:05,910 --> 00:29:12,016 WHO WOULD PLAY YOU? >> Stephen: KYLE MAGLAK LIN. 433 00:29:12,083 --> 00:29:13,918 WITH A WIG. WITH A WIG. 434 00:29:13,985 --> 00:29:18,490 >> IT SOUNDS LIKE IT'S IN THE WORKS. 435 00:29:18,556 --> 00:29:20,125 >> Stephen: I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT IT A LOT. 436 00:29:20,191 --> 00:29:23,728 YOU ALSO START IN "GREAT," AS CATHERINE THE GREAT. 437 00:29:23,795 --> 00:29:26,631 WHICH IS SUCH A FANTASTIC-- >> THANK YOU, THANK YOU. 438 00:29:26,698 --> 00:29:29,300 >> Stephen: REALLY FUNNY AND DARK IN THE OWN WAY. 439 00:29:29,367 --> 00:29:30,602 >> TOTALLY. >> Stephen: HOW DO YOU FEEL 440 00:29:30,668 --> 00:29:34,672 ABOUT SWITCHING BETWEEN DRAMA, ESPECIALLY SOMETHING THIS 441 00:29:34,739 --> 00:29:38,476 SERIOUS AND DARK, AND SOMETHING LIKE THE BROAD COMEDY OF "THE 442 00:29:38,543 --> 00:29:39,577 GREAT." >> IT'S SUCH A DIFFERENCE. 443 00:29:39,644 --> 00:29:42,847 I ONLY HAD TWO WEEKS BETWEEN BOTH PROJECTS. 444 00:29:42,914 --> 00:29:47,352 I WENT FROM THE SECOND SEASON OF "THE GREAT" AND HAD TO FILM "THE 445 00:29:47,418 --> 00:29:49,087 GIRL FROM PLAINVILLE." IT WAS A SHOCK TO THE SYSTEM. 446 00:29:49,154 --> 00:29:52,924 I LIKE TO SHOCK MY SYSTEM THAT WAY, BUT I HAD NEVER DONE COMEDY 447 00:29:52,991 --> 00:29:57,128 BEFORE, BEFORE "GREAT." THE SECOND ACCEPT YOU HAD YOU 448 00:29:57,195 --> 00:30:01,099 GET INTO THE GROOVE OF IT. I HAD TO LEARN TO EMBARRASS 449 00:30:01,166 --> 00:30:02,934 MYSELF. I PEOPLE AROUND ME, I FEEL VERY 450 00:30:03,001 --> 00:30:05,737 SAFE ON THAT SHOW, I LOVE THEM. >> Stephen: YOU HAD TO LEARN-- 451 00:30:05,803 --> 00:30:08,640 DO YOU HAVE ANY WAYS THAT YOU GET USED TO EMBARRASSING 452 00:30:08,706 --> 00:30:10,608 YOURSELF? BECAUSE I KNOW SOME PEOPLE WILL 453 00:30:10,675 --> 00:30:13,578 DO THINGS SPECIFICALLY TO EMBARRASS THEMSELVES TO GET OVER 454 00:30:13,645 --> 00:30:17,048 THAT FEELING OF NOT-- BECAUSE, WE HUMAN BEINGS NORMALLY DON'T 455 00:30:17,115 --> 00:30:18,316 WANT TO BE EMBARRASSED. >> OF COURSE NOT. 456 00:30:18,383 --> 00:30:23,721 I KNOW. I THINK-- I'M A VERY-- I HAVE, 457 00:30:23,788 --> 00:30:26,691 LIKE, AN ANIMATED FACE, I MAKE A LOT OF FACES AND STUFF. 458 00:30:26,758 --> 00:30:28,860 I HAD TO LEARN, JUST LET THAT OUT. 459 00:30:28,927 --> 00:30:33,731 JUST DON'T BE-- YOU CAN'T BE-- WHEN YOU'RE WORKING, LIKE, YOU 460 00:30:33,798 --> 00:30:37,001 CAN'T BE VAIN OR THINKING ABOUT HOW YOU LOOK, YOU KNOW, WHEN 461 00:30:37,068 --> 00:30:40,805 YOU'RE PLAYING A CHARACTER. YOU CAN'T DO THAT. 462 00:30:40,872 --> 00:30:44,409 IT'S JUST, LIKE, GO FOR IT. WHATEVER. 463 00:30:44,475 --> 00:30:47,078 THAT IS SOMETHING-- I DON'T KNOW-- I DO WITH CATHERINE. 464 00:30:47,145 --> 00:30:49,280 MAKES SENSE? >> Stephen: MAKES SENSE. 465 00:30:49,347 --> 00:30:52,550 ( APPLAUSE ) LOVELY TO MEET YOU. 466 00:30:52,617 --> 00:30:55,687 THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE. >> THANK YOU. 467 00:30:55,753 --> 00:30:57,555 >> Stephen: "THE GIRL FROM PLAINVILLE" IS STREAMING NOW ON 468 00:30:57,622 --> 00:31:00,124 HULU. IT'S ELLE FANNING, EVERYBODY. 469 00:31:00,191 --> 00:31:04,295 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH ACTOR BEN SCHWARTZ. 470 00:31:21,613 --> 00:31:26,851 WELCOME BACK TO THE JAMBOREE. MY NEXT GUEST IS AN EMMY 471 00:31:26,918 --> 00:31:29,487 AWARD-WINNING ACTOR AND COMEDIAN YOU KNOW FROM, "PARKS AND 472 00:31:29,554 --> 00:31:32,857 RECREATION," "HOUSE OF LIES," AND HIS IMPROV SPECIAL, 473 00:31:32,924 --> 00:31:36,094 "MIDDLEDITCH AND SCHWARTZ." HE NOW STARS IN "SONIC THE 474 00:31:36,160 --> 00:31:39,097 HEDGEHOG 2." PLEASE WELCOME TO "THE LATE 475 00:31:39,163 --> 00:31:54,045 SHOW," BEN SCHWARTZ ♪ ♪ ♪ 476 00:31:54,112 --> 00:32:07,558 SHOW," BEN SCHWARTZ ♪ ♪ ♪ 477 00:32:07,625 --> 00:32:08,693 ( APPLAUSE ) >> STEPHEN, I WAS GOING TO DO A 478 00:32:08,760 --> 00:32:11,663 BIT AND I WAS GOING TO SAY A STANDING OVATION, BUT THEY 479 00:32:11,729 --> 00:32:15,066 REALLY DID IT, I WAS GOING TO DO A BIT AND YOU COULD CUT TO THE 480 00:32:15,133 --> 00:32:17,869 CROWD AND EVERYBODY WAS LIKE... YOU GUYS ARE VERY, VERY KIND. 481 00:32:17,935 --> 00:32:20,538 >> Stephen: PEOPLE LIKE THEIR BEN SCHWARTZ. 482 00:32:20,605 --> 00:32:22,373 YES. NOW, HERE'S THE THING, HERE'S 483 00:32:22,440 --> 00:32:26,144 THE THING-- THIS IS THE FIRST TIME THAT I'VE INTERVIEWED YOU. 484 00:32:26,210 --> 00:32:28,012 THE FIRST TIME YOU'VE BEEN ON THE SHOW. 485 00:32:28,079 --> 00:32:29,914 >> AND YOU'RE CRUSHING IT SO FAR. 486 00:32:29,981 --> 00:32:31,282 >> Stephen: THANK YOU SO MUCH, THANK YOU SO MUCH. 487 00:32:31,349 --> 00:32:33,217 HEY, LISTEN, RIGHT NOW WE'RE PITCHING A PERFECT GAME. 488 00:32:33,284 --> 00:32:35,887 THIS IS THE LAST INNING. >> ONE OF US IS GOING TO MESS 489 00:32:35,953 --> 00:32:39,324 UP. I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU WHO. 490 00:32:39,390 --> 00:32:42,727 WE PREPLANNED THIS. THERE WILL BE ONE FUMBLE IN THIS 491 00:32:42,794 --> 00:32:44,762 INTERVIEW. >> Stephen: THIS IS OUR FIRST 492 00:32:44,829 --> 00:32:46,064 INTERVIEW. THIS IS NOT YOUR FIRST TIME IN 493 00:32:46,130 --> 00:32:51,302 THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER. >> NO. 494 00:32:51,369 --> 00:32:52,704 >> Stephen: CAN YOU EXPLAIN THAT PHOTOGRAPH THERE. 495 00:32:52,770 --> 00:32:54,772 >> I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE ARE LAUGHING. 496 00:32:54,839 --> 00:32:56,808 >> Stephen: WHOSE DESK IS THAT? 497 00:32:56,874 --> 00:33:02,180 >> THIS IS DAVID LETTERMAN. I WAS A PAGE AT "THE LATE SHOW" 498 00:33:02,246 --> 00:33:04,282 WITH DAVID LETTERMAN." ARE THERE PAGES HERE SOMEWHERE 499 00:33:04,349 --> 00:33:06,384 IN THE AUDIENCE? YEAH! 500 00:33:06,451 --> 00:33:12,957 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: PAGES! 501 00:33:13,024 --> 00:33:16,961 >> DO NOT CUT TO THEM! DO NOT CUT TO THEM! 502 00:33:17,028 --> 00:33:19,297 THEY DIDN'T DESERVE IT! DO NOT! 503 00:33:19,364 --> 00:33:21,399 CUT AWAY! NO! 504 00:33:21,466 --> 00:33:22,467 NO! ( APPLAUSE ) 505 00:33:22,533 --> 00:33:26,504 A YEAR AND A HALF. AND THEY NEVER CUT TO ME WHEN I 506 00:33:26,571 --> 00:33:29,173 WAS A PAGE. >> Stephen: SO HOW DID YOU 507 00:33:29,240 --> 00:33:31,676 GET-- ARE YOU-- HOW OLD ARE YOU IN THIS PHOTO? 508 00:33:31,743 --> 00:33:36,247 AND DID YOU GET THIS PAGE JOB AS A PRESENT FOR YOUR BAR MITZVAH? 509 00:33:36,314 --> 00:33:37,448 WHAT IS-- ( LAUGHTER ). 510 00:33:37,515 --> 00:33:41,452 >> Stephen: HOW DID YOU GET-- >> THAT IS ACTUALLY MY BAR 511 00:33:41,519 --> 00:33:43,321 MITTSA. THE THEME WAS "THE LATE SHOW" 512 00:33:43,388 --> 00:33:47,125 WITH DAVID LETTERMAN." >> Stephen: HOW DID YOU GET A 513 00:33:47,191 --> 00:33:50,595 JOB WITH AS A PAGE? >> I CAME DOWN WITH MY FRIEND, 514 00:33:50,661 --> 00:33:52,163 NICK. AND WE WERE YOUNG AND IN 515 00:33:52,230 --> 00:33:54,832 COLLEGE, AND WE SAID WHERE DO WE GET JOBS. 516 00:33:54,899 --> 00:33:56,934 WE WERE TOLD MTV, DID NOT GET A JOB IMMEDIATELY, AND WE WERE 517 00:33:57,001 --> 00:34:00,037 WALKING UP BROADWAY-- >> Stephen: THE OFFICES ARE 518 00:34:00,104 --> 00:34:01,906 RIGHT DOWN THERE IN TIMES SQUARE. 519 00:34:01,973 --> 00:34:04,208 >> EXACTLY. WE WERE WALKING UP AND ONE OF 520 00:34:04,275 --> 00:34:08,312 THE PAGES GO, ,INGS" DO YOU WANT TO BE IN THE ATTENDANCE FOR 'THE 521 00:34:08,379 --> 00:34:11,682 LATE SHOW WITH DAVID LETTERMAN." >> Stephen: LIKE AN AUDIENCE 522 00:34:11,749 --> 00:34:12,950 MEMBER. >> LIKE EVERYBODY HERE. 523 00:34:13,017 --> 00:34:15,086 LIKE EVERYBODY HERE. AND I SAID, "I WOULD LOVE TO. 524 00:34:15,153 --> 00:34:19,690 I WOULD LOVE TO DO WHAT YOU DO." AND THEY GO, ," YOU WOULD NEED A 525 00:34:19,757 --> 00:34:22,260 RESUME." AND I WENT INTO MY BACKPACK AND 526 00:34:22,326 --> 00:34:25,530 I GAVE THEM 20 RESUMES AND I INTERVIEWED AND I GOT TO BE A 527 00:34:25,596 --> 00:34:27,565 PAGE AND THAT WAS IT. >> Stephen: WOW, WOW. 528 00:34:27,632 --> 00:34:32,570 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: I'M SORRY, I HAVE 529 00:34:32,637 --> 00:34:34,172 KIND EYES? >> YEAH, YEAH. 530 00:34:34,238 --> 00:34:37,742 >> Stephen: LET'S SEE IF WE CAN FIX THAT. 531 00:34:37,809 --> 00:34:41,279 SO LET'S TALK ABOUT "SONIC THE HEDGEHOG" HERE FOR A SECOND. 532 00:34:41,345 --> 00:34:44,782 >> THAT'S HOW YOU'RE GOING TO BE NOT KIND? 533 00:34:44,849 --> 00:34:47,819 >> Stephen: I'M GOING TO SEGUE WITH ABSOLUTELY NO REGARD FOR 534 00:34:47,885 --> 00:34:49,287 THE LAST THING YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT. 535 00:34:49,353 --> 00:34:51,255 >> FANTASTIC. >> Stephen: YOU'RE SONIC. 536 00:34:51,322 --> 00:34:56,093 >> I PLAY SONIC THE HEDGE GLOG WHY DO YOU THINK YOU WERE IT 537 00:34:56,160 --> 00:34:59,697 CAST AS SOING THE HEDGEHOG. IS THERE SOMETHING HEDGEHOGGIAN 538 00:34:59,764 --> 00:35:01,599 ABOUT YOU? >> THAT'S A GREAT QUESTION. 539 00:35:01,666 --> 00:35:04,569 I THINK I HAVE A LOT OF ENERGY. I HAVE A LOT OF QUILLS. 540 00:35:04,635 --> 00:35:08,439 I HAVE A LOT OF-- THAT'S VERY KIND TO CLAP FOR THAT. 541 00:35:08,506 --> 00:35:10,274 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. YOU'RE VERY KIND. 542 00:35:10,341 --> 00:35:13,044 I HAVE A LOT OF ENERGY. I LIKE THE IDEA OF SONIC BEING 543 00:35:13,110 --> 00:35:16,848 LIKE A KID AND I BROUGHT THAT HEART AND ENERGY AND COMEDY INTO 544 00:35:16,914 --> 00:35:19,951 IT. THAT'S MY VERSION OF SONIC. 545 00:35:20,017 --> 00:35:21,853 DO YOU HAVE A VERSION OF SONIC. >> Stephen: I'M NOT FAMILIAR 546 00:35:21,919 --> 00:35:24,989 WITH THE STORY. >> YOU DON'T KNOW WHO SONIC THE 547 00:35:25,056 --> 00:35:27,959 HEDGEHOG IS? >> Stephen: HE'S A HEDGE HOG. 548 00:35:28,025 --> 00:35:34,098 >> YOU NAILED IT. >> JIM CARREY IS IN THE MOVIE. 549 00:35:34,165 --> 00:35:36,868 HE PLAYS IVO ROBOTNIK. >> Stephen: I'VE SEEN THE 550 00:35:36,934 --> 00:35:38,469 PLAY. >> THE PLAY IS AMAZING. 551 00:35:38,536 --> 00:35:41,606 AND, BY THE WAY, THE PLAY IS UNBELIEVABLE, AND IT'S BASED OFF 552 00:35:41,672 --> 00:35:43,407 THE PODCAST, WHICH IS ALREADY A HIT. 553 00:35:43,474 --> 00:35:45,676 >> Stephen: RIGHT, VERY DARK. >> VERY DARK. 554 00:35:45,743 --> 00:35:47,411 >> Stephen: BUT YOU FOUND-- YOU FOUND THE LIGHTNESS. 555 00:35:47,478 --> 00:35:52,717 >> WE FOUND THE LIGHTNESS IN IT. >> DO YOU MIND IF YOU GIVE A 556 00:35:52,783 --> 00:35:53,951 SONIC? >> Stephen: I WOULD LOVE TO. 557 00:35:54,018 --> 00:36:00,625 >> WE'RE BOTH IMPROVISERS-- I'M GOING TO PLAY DR. ROBOTNIK. 558 00:36:00,691 --> 00:36:03,628 SAY THE MOST FAMOUS SOING CATCH PHRASE. 559 00:36:03,694 --> 00:36:05,062 p>> Stephen: GOT IT. >> THERE'S CLEARLY ONE. 560 00:36:05,129 --> 00:36:11,068 >> STEPHEN YOU'RE NIGH GUY SONIC, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 561 00:36:11,135 --> 00:36:14,171 >> Stephen: SO YOU DON'T LIKE CHEESE NOW! 562 00:36:14,238 --> 00:36:20,444 ( APPLAUSE ) WOW! 563 00:36:20,511 --> 00:36:24,715 ( APPLAUSE ) PHRASES. 564 00:36:24,782 --> 00:36:27,552 >> SO YOU HAVE SEEN IT. >> Stephen: YEAH, I HAVE SEEN 565 00:36:27,618 --> 00:36:29,153 IT. I WAS JUST ( BLEEP ). 566 00:36:29,220 --> 00:36:31,856 >> "SO YOU DON'T LIKE CHEESE NOW." 567 00:36:31,923 --> 00:36:32,757 >> Stephen: WE HAVE A CLIP HERE. 568 00:36:32,823 --> 00:36:36,060 >> OF YOU DOING THAT LINE? SHOW IT AGAIN? 569 00:36:36,127 --> 00:36:40,998 SHOW IT IN REPLAY. >> Stephen: SLO-MO FOR THE 570 00:36:41,065 --> 00:36:44,769 COMMERCIAL BREAK. WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE, AND DON'T 571 00:36:44,835 --> 00:36:51,576 FORGET TO SAY IDRIS ELBA. >> "SOMETHING ABOUT CHEESE NOW." 572 00:36:51,642 --> 00:36:54,845 >> Stephen: WHO DOES HE PLAY. >> WE CAN SAY IT AT THE SAME 573 00:36:54,912 --> 00:36:59,216 TIME. ONE, TWO, THREE, KNUCKLES! 574 00:36:59,283 --> 00:37:00,885 YOU DID KNOW. >> Stephen: YEAH. 575 00:37:00,952 --> 00:37:03,721 >> OH, MY GOODNESS, IT WASN'T WRITTEN DOWN. 576 00:37:03,788 --> 00:37:05,423 THAT'S GREAT. >> Stephen: NOT EVERYTHING I 577 00:37:05,489 --> 00:37:07,258 SAY IS WRITTEN DOWN. >> THIS IS AMAZING. 578 00:37:07,325 --> 00:37:10,261 >> Stephen: I KNOW THIS MUST BE SHATTERING YOUR ILLUSIONS BUT 579 00:37:10,328 --> 00:37:12,363 NOT EVERY WORD I SAY IS WRITTEN DOWN. 580 00:37:12,430 --> 00:37:16,000 >> THERE'S ONE MORE-- THERE'S ONE MORE FAMOUS CHARACTER IN 581 00:37:16,067 --> 00:37:17,602 THIS. I'M REALLY IMPRESSED, STEVE GLEN 582 00:37:17,668 --> 00:37:18,936 REALLY? >> YEAH, FOR REAL. 583 00:37:19,003 --> 00:37:21,038 >> Stephen: THANKS. >> BECAUSE I KNOW IF I COME IN 584 00:37:21,105 --> 00:37:24,542 HERE-- IF I COME IN HERE WITH, LIKE, "LORD OF THE RINGS," I 585 00:37:24,609 --> 00:37:28,346 KNOW THAT THERE'S NOBODY UNMATCHED FOR "LORD OF THE 586 00:37:28,412 --> 00:37:29,714 RINGS." ( LAUGHTER ) 587 00:37:29,780 --> 00:37:36,554 AND I KNOW THAT IF I COME IN HERE WITH, LIKE, "STAR WARS,"... 588 00:37:36,621 --> 00:37:40,558 ( LAUGHTER ) STAR WARS." 589 00:37:40,625 --> 00:37:42,493 >> Stephen: YES. >> YOU'RE GOING TO WIN YOU. 590 00:37:42,560 --> 00:37:46,063 >> Stephen: MIGHT WIN BECAUSE YOU'RE FRIENDS WITH J.J. ABRAMS. 591 00:37:46,130 --> 00:37:48,499 >> WE'RE BOTH FRIENDS WITH J.J. ABRAMS. 592 00:37:48,566 --> 00:37:51,736 YOU KNOW WHAT'S SO FUNNY-- AND THIS IS EMBARRASSING BECAUSE I'M 593 00:37:51,802 --> 00:37:55,339 SUCH A FAN OF LATE NIGHT. I COLLECT THE MUGS ANY TIME I'M 594 00:37:55,406 --> 00:37:58,509 ON THE SHOW AND YOU'VE BROKEN IT FOR THE REST OF THE TIME. 595 00:37:58,576 --> 00:38:07,952 ( LAUGHTER ) HEY! 596 00:38:08,019 --> 00:38:10,655 COME ON! REMEMBER THIS BIT? 597 00:38:10,721 --> 00:38:11,522 GREAT! YOU. 598 00:38:11,589 --> 00:38:14,825 >> Stephen: CAN HAVE WCCO TELEVISION. 599 00:38:14,892 --> 00:38:17,294 IT'S A CBS AFFILIATE. YOU CAN HAVE THAT ONE. 600 00:38:17,361 --> 00:38:19,497 >> FINALLY. >> Stephen: YOU CAN HAVE THAT 601 00:38:19,563 --> 00:38:21,599 ONE. >> FINALLY! 602 00:38:21,666 --> 00:38:22,533 FINALLY! OH! 603 00:38:22,600 --> 00:38:25,269 >> Stephen: I WISH WE HAD TIME FOR THE CLIP. 604 00:38:25,336 --> 00:38:29,073 >> OH, NO. PARAMOUNT'S GOING TO KILL ME! 605 00:38:29,140 --> 00:38:31,042 >> Stephen: WHAT? NO THEY CAN'T KILL YOU. 606 00:38:31,108 --> 00:38:33,210 YOU'RE SONIC! >> I AM SONIC. 607 00:38:33,277 --> 00:38:37,481 >> Stephen: YOU'RE SONIC! >> GOT TO GET CHEESES ALL AROUND 608 00:38:37,548 --> 00:38:40,184 THE CORNER. BUT THAT WAS THE CLIP AND YOU 609 00:38:40,251 --> 00:38:43,354 GUYS SAW IT AND IT WAS GREAT. IDRIS ELBA IS IN THERE. 610 00:38:43,421 --> 00:38:46,123 >> Stephen: AS... >> AS KNUCKLES. 611 00:38:46,190 --> 00:38:48,626 AND COLLEEN PLAYS THE OTHER MAJOR CHARACTER SCPURNG IT. 612 00:38:48,693 --> 00:38:52,563 IF YOU HIT THIS I WILL-- I WILL-- I WILL, NO JOKE-- I CAN'T 613 00:38:52,630 --> 00:38:54,965 EVEN TELL YOU, STEPHEN. YOU'RE SO BUSY THERE'S NO WAY 614 00:38:55,032 --> 00:38:57,735 YOU CAN THEN. THERE'S NO WAY YOU CAN-- AND 615 00:38:57,802 --> 00:39:00,838 IT'S NOT ON THE PROMPTER. THIS IS A BIG SWING. 616 00:39:00,905 --> 00:39:03,641 WE'VE HAD A GREAT TIME HERE TONIGHT. 617 00:39:03,708 --> 00:39:04,909 >> Stephen: WE HAVE. WE SURE HAVE. 618 00:39:04,975 --> 00:39:07,144 >> WE'VE HAD A GREAT TIME HERE TONIGHT. 619 00:39:07,211 --> 00:39:09,480 WE HAD AN ABSOLUTE GREAT TIME HERE TONIGHT. 620 00:39:09,547 --> 00:39:11,615 WE HAD AN ABSOLUTE GREAT TIME HERE TONIGHT. 621 00:39:11,682 --> 00:39:14,919 ( LAUGHTER ). >> AND THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY -- 622 00:39:14,985 --> 00:39:17,688 >> Stephen: WHAT IS THE THING? >> THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY-- 623 00:39:17,755 --> 00:39:20,524 THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO... ( LAUGHTER ) 624 00:39:20,591 --> 00:39:28,099 "SONIC THE HEDGEHOG." COLLEEN PLAYS A FOX-- IF YOU GET 625 00:39:28,165 --> 00:39:31,335 THIS I WILL BE-- I CAN'T EVEN TELL YOU HOW EXCITED I WILL BE. 626 00:39:31,402 --> 00:39:34,438 THAT FOX'S NAME IS... >> Stephen: TAIL. 627 00:39:34,505 --> 00:39:41,011 >> OH, MY GOD! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 628 00:39:41,078 --> 00:39:45,316 >> Stephen: "SONIC THE HEDGEHOG 2," OPENS IN THEATERS ON FRIDAY, 629 00:39:45,382 --> 00:39:49,954 APRIL 8. IT'S BEN SCHWARTZ, EVERYBODY. 630 00:39:50,020 --> 00:39:52,022 HE'S A PAGE! WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 631 00:39:52,089 --> 00:39:54,992 >> THAT'S AMAZING. ♪ ♪ ♪ 632 00:40:13,110 --> 00:40:14,111 >> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW." 633 00:40:14,178 --> 00:40:17,581 TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUEST WILL BE JAMES McAVOY. 634 00:40:17,648 --> 00:40:19,850 JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT. GOOD NIGHT.