>> RUSSIAN STATE TV IS ALSO
USING CLIPS OF TUCKER CARLSON ON FOX NEWS.
WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT? >> BECAUSE HE SOUNDS LIKE ONE OF
THE KREMLIN PUNDITS ON THE RUSSIAN STATE TELEVISION.
IN FACT, THEY HAVE DESCRIBED HIM AS PRACTICALLY ONE OF THEIR
CO-HOSTS. ♪♪♪
( REPORTER SPEAKING RUSSIAN...)
>> AT EXACTLY THE MOMENT WHEN THE EMERGENCY POWERS THEY
AWARDED TO THEMSELVES TO FIGHT COVID STARTED TO WANE, OUR
LEADERS BEGAN PUSHING FOR CONFLICT WITH RUSSIA, AND THEN,
ON THE BASIS OF THAT CONFLICT, THEY ASSUMED HISTORIC WAR
POWERS. HMM...
WITHOUT EVEN PAUSING, THE BIDEN ADMINISTRATION DECLARED TOTAL
ECONOMIC WAR ON A SOVEREIGN COUNTRY.
( LAUGHTER ) ( REPORTER SPEAKING RUSSIAN...)
>> Announcer: IT'S "THE ATE
SHOW" WITH STEPHEN COLBERT! TONIGHT, STEPHEN WELCOMES SANDRA
BULLOCK! AND MUSICAL GUEST BILLY STRINGS,
FEATURING JON BATISTE AND "STAY HUMAN."
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK
CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( BAND PLAYING )
>> Stephen: LOVELY. >> Jon: POW!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HELLO!
THANK YOU SO MUCH! YOU'RE TOO KIND.
YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY TOO KIND. WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW,"
EVERYBODY. I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT.
IF YOU HAVE BEEN WATCHING THE NEWS, YOU KNOW THE WORLD
CONTINUES TO TALK ABOUT THE ECCENTRIC POWER-MAD CULT-LIKE
LEADER WHO HAS LAUNCHED A SURPRISE BID
TO RETAKE WHAT WE THOUGHT HE'D ABANDONED LONG AGO.
BECAUSE TOM BRADY HAS CHANGED HIS MIND ON RETIREMENT AND WILL
RETURN TO THE BUCCANEERS TO PLAY A 23RD SEASON.
(WHISTLES) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
"FALSE START TO RETIREMENT. ( LAUGHTER )
ALSO, UNNECESSARY HANDSOMENESS." ( LAUGHTER )
OF COURSE, MY DEAR FRIEND TOM BRADY'S NOT JUST RETURNING FOR
THE LOVE OF THE GAME. HE'S ALSO SET TO MAKE $25
MILLION NEXT SEASON. ( AUDIENCE REACTS )
WHICH IS, COINCIDENTALLY, WHAT YOU'D HAVE TO PAY 'ME' TO GO TO
TAMPA. ( LAUGHTER )
IT'S LOVELY! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE THAT
JOKE COMES FROM! THIS IS GREAT NEWS FOR THE
N.F.L., BUT BAD NEWS FOR THE GUY WHO BOUGHT TOM BRADY'S 'LAST'
TOUCHDOWN FOOTBALL FOR OVER HALF A MILLION DOLLARS, JUST HOURS
BEFORE BRADY ANNOUNCED HIS COMEBACK.
SO, IT LOST ITS VALUE IMMEDIATELY.
THAT GUY SHOULD HAVE KNOWN. WHEN IT COMES TO BALLS, BRADY'S
ALWAYS BEEN BIG ON DEFLATION. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WHAT'S THAT JOKE MEAN? WHAT DOES THAT -- I DON'T --
I -- TOM'S RETURN TO PROFESSIONAL
-- I CALL HIM TOM. TOM'S RETURN TO PROFESSIONAL
MEN'S FOOTBALL RAISES ONE BIG QUESTION FOR FANS LIKE MYSELF:
WHAT, I ASK YOU, IS GONNA HAPPEN TO JANE FONDA, RITA MORENO,
SALLY FIELD, AND LILY TOMLIN? TOM BETTER NOT PULL THE PLUG ON
THIS, OTHERWISE JANE AND LILY ARE GOING TO INTRODUCE HIM TO
THEIR PALS "GRACE AND FRANKIE."
( APPLAUSE ) I GUESS THE ONLY SOLUTION IS TO
RECAST THE MOVIE AND CALL IT, "HONK IF YOU'RE GRONK."
( LAUGHTER ) OF COURSE, THE OTHER BIG STORY
CONTINUES TO BE RUSSIA'S WAR CRIMES IN UKRAINE.
THE RUSSIANS EXPECTED TO COME IN AND ROLL OVER THE UKRAINIANS IN
48 TO 72 HOURS. "EASY PEASY, WORLD WAR THREESY."
BUT THE UKRAINIANS HAVE PUT UP ONE HECK OF A FIGHT.
AND NOW WE'RE ON DAY 19 OF THE WAR, AND THINGS ARE GOING
'NYET BUENO' FOR PUTIN. RUSSIA HAS GAINED ONLY LIMITED
TERRITORY, WHILE SUFFERING SUBSTANTIAL LOSSES IN BOTH
PERSONNEL AND EQUIPMENT, AND EVIDENCE IS MOUNTING THAT THE
INVASION HAS NOT GONE TO PLAN. SURE, UNLESS THE PLAN WAS CALLED
"OPERATION MAKE THE WORLD HATE US, BYE BYE BIG MAC."
( LAUGHTER ) THE RUSSIANS WERE SO CONFIDENT
OF VICTORY THAT, ACCORDING TO ONE REPORT, INSTEAD OF EXTRA
AMMO AND RATIONS, RUSSIAN SOLDIERS WERE EVIDENTLY CARRYING
DRESS UNIFORMS FOR THEIR VICTORY PARADE IN KYIV.
KIND OF JUMPING THE GUN THERE. IT'S LIKE SCHEDULING YOUR FIRST
TINDER DATE AT THE ALTAR. ( LAUGHTER )
"OH, YOU'RE A SAGITTARIUS? SO AM I.
DO YOU TAKE ME IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH?"
( LAUGHTER ) NOW, RUSSIAN TROOPS ARE RUNNING
OUT OF SUPPLIES, AND THEY'VE GROWN DESPERATE.
MANY HAVE RESORTED TO BREAKING INTO SUPERMARKETS AND SHOPS, AND
RAIDING HOMES IN SEARCH OF FOOD AND VALUABLES AS THEIR OWN
SUPPLY LINES HAVE FAILED. REMINDER: THEY'RE LIKE 90 MILES
FROM HOME. THAT'S LIKE DRIVING FROM NEW
YORK TO PHILLY AND TURNING CANNIBAL AT TRENTON.
( LAUGHTER ) "WELL KIDS, WE LEFT THE GRANOLA
BARS BACK HOME, SO WHO'S FIRST ON THE MENU?
( LAUGHTER ) TIMMY, YOU LOOK WELL MARBLED."
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
THEY SIMPLY DIDN'T BRING ENOUGH FOOD.
AS YOU CAN SEE IN THIS VIDEO POSTED TO SOCIAL MEDIA WHICH
APPARENTLY SHOWS AN ABANDONED RUSSIAN FIELD KITCHEN TRUCK FULL
OF RATIONS THAT ARE ENTIRELY ONIONS AND TURNIPS MAYBE SOME
POTATOES. INTHE BACK, MORE ONIONS AND
TURNIPS. JARS OF PICKLES AND SHARDS OF
DELICIOUS GLASS. OF COURSE, RUSSIANS ARE USED TO
THIS KIND OF FOOD. IN FACT, THAT'S THEIR MOST
POPULAR ICE CREAM TRUCK: MR. ONION.
( LAUGHTER ) ♪ ROUND AND ROUND THE ONION
TRUCK ♪ ♪ A BIG BITE OF ONIONS ♪
♪ TAKE A BITE AND NEVER SMILE -- OOPS -- IS POTATO ♪
( IN POP GOES THE WEASEL TUNE AS RUSSIAN BOY).
( APPLAUSE ) IN HIS DESPERATION, PUTIN HAS
TURNED TO ONE OF THE FEW FRIENDS HE HAS LEFT BECAUSE, ACCORDING
TO US INTELLIGENCE, RUSSIA IS SEEKING MILITARY EQUIPMENT AND
AID FROM CHINA. DON'T DO IT, CHINA WHAT DO WE
HAVE TO DO TO GET YOU ON THE SIDE OF DECENCY?
WE MADE 6 "TRANSFORMERS" MOVIES. JUST FOR YOU, TWO OF THEM ARE
3D, I THINK. ALL OF WHICH I LOVE, BY THE WAY,
BECAUSE THEY ARE FROM PARAMOUNT. "A MOUNTAIN OF THINGS I AM
CONTRACTUALLY OBLIGATED TO ENJOY."
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
THEY'RE ALWAYS WATCHING. WITH HIS INVASION GOING POORLY,
PUTIN HAS ONLY ONE MAN TO BLAME: ANYONE BUT HIM.
CASE IN POINT, WE JUST LEARNED THAT RUSSIAN SPY CHIEFS HAVE
BEEN PLACED UNDER HOUSE ARREST. THAT'S RIGHT.
THEY'RE STUCK AT HOME, WITH NOTHING TO DO EXCEPT WATCH THE
POPULAR RUSSIAN REALITY SHOW: "LOVE IS BLINDFOLDED AND THROWN
INTO A VAN." PUTIN HAS ALSO REPORTEDLY FIRED
GENERALS OVER HIS INVASION LOSSES.
OF COURSE HE FIRED THEM. THEY ALLOWED UKRAINIANS TO
CAPTURE THEIR GREATEST WEAPON: TRUCK FULL OF ONIONS.
( LAUGHTER ) SOME INTELLIGENCE ANALYSTS
BELIEVE PUTIN'S INCREASINGLY ERRATIC BEHAVIOR COULD BE CAUSED
BY 'ROID RAGE. OH... WE GOT A "JUICIN' PUTIN'!
( LAUGHTER ) FINALLY EXPLAINS WHY HE HIT 68
HOME RUNS FOR CARDINALS LAST YEAR.
BECAUSE THEIR WAR IS GOING EMBARRASSINGLY POORLY, THE
DESPERATE RUSSIANS ARE GOING FULL MONSTROUS.
AND IT COULD GET WORSE. AND MAY GO SO FAR AS TO USE
CHEMICAL WEAPONS. HOW DO WE KNOW RUSSIA'S
CONSIDERING CHEMICAL WEAPONS? NATIONAL SECURITY ADVISER JAKE
SULLIVAN EXPLAINS. >> THEY'RE RIGHT NOW ACCUSING
THE UNITED STATES AND THE UKRAINIANS OF POTENTIALLY USING
CHEMICAL OR BIOLOGICAL WEAPONS, WHICH IS A TELL.
IT'S A TELL THAT THEY, THEMSELVES, MAY BE PREPARING TO
DO SO AND THEN TRYING TO PIN THE BLAME ON SOMEONE ELSE.
THAT'S A CLASSIC PAGE OUT OF THE RUSSIAN PLAYBOOK.
>> STEPHEN: AND ON THAT PAGE, IT JUST SAYS "HE WHO SMELT IT,
DEALT IT." ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) SURE.
WISDOM. IN RUSSIAN, IT DOESN'T RHYME.
TTHENT RHYME IN RUSSIAN. THE LIES KEEP COMING, BECAUSE
RUSSIA IS NOW CLAIMING THE U.S. TRAINED BIRDS TO DELIVER
UKRAINIAN BIO-WEAPONS. THE KREMLIN HAS EVEN RELEASED
FOOTAGE OF THE SECRET OPERATION:
>> STEPHEN: AND THINGS MIGHT HAVE JUST GOTTEN WORSE FOR THE
DICTATOR BECAUSE, YOU KNOW HOW THE U.S. AND ITS ALLIES HAVE
BEEN CONFISCATING OLIGARCH'S BIG BOATS?
WELL, RIGHT NOW, THEY'RE TARGETING A $700 MILLION
SUPERYACHT, WHICH THEY BELIEVE COULD BELONG TO
PRESIDENT VLADIMIR PUTIN. AUTHORITIES WERE TIPPED OFF WHEN
THE YACHT WAS SEEN IN THE OCEAN RIDING ON TOP OF A HORSE.
( LAUGHTER ) THE U.S. AND ITS ALLIES ARE ALSO
CONTINUING TO TURN UP THE ECONOMIC PRESSURE.
ON FRIDAY, PRESIDENT BIDEN ANNOUNCED THAT THE US WILL
BAN IMPORTS OF SEAFOOD, VODKA, AND DIAMONDS.
THAT IS TERRIBLE NEWS FOR OUR NATION'S SUGAR DADDIES.
"TRINA, I KNOW YOUR PROFILE SAID YOU LIKE COLD MARTINIS, SHRIMP
TOWERS, AND SPARKLING TENNIS BRACELETS.
BUT HOW ABOUT A BUD LITE LIME, A MEATBALL SUB, AND THIS SCRUNCHY
I FOUND ON THE BUS? WHERE YOU GOIN'?
YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME. BRENDA ALREADY LEFT AND TOOK THE
KIDS!" THIS IS A MAJOR MOVE, BECAUSE IN
2021, THE U.S. IMPORTED 48,867 METRIC TONS OF SEAFOOD FROM
RUSSIA. OLY LACK OF MACKEREL.
EXPLAINS WHY RED LOBSTER HAS MADE SOME CHANGES TO
'LOBSTERFEST.' ( LAUGHTER )
NEED A BIG POT OF BOILING WATER, YOU NEED A VERY BIG POT OF
BOILING WATER. >> Jon: BIG POT.
>> Stephen: IN THE FACE OF MONSTROUS
BRUTALITY BY RUSSIA TO BREAK THEIR SPIRIT, THE UKRAINIAN
PEOPLE CONTINUE TO RESIST AND MAINTAIN THEIR HUMANITY.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) CASE IN POINT, UKRAINE JUST
UNVEILED A NEW POSTAGE STAMP BASED OFF THE "RUSSIAN WARSHIP
GO ( BLEEP )YOURSELF" INCIDENT.
A STAMP THAT SAYS THAT? UKRAINE JUST WENT POSTAL.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
NOW, FOR MY YOUNGER VIEWERS, A STAMP IS LIKE A LITTLE RECEIPT
THAT GOES ON A LETTER, WHICH IS A PHYSICAL EMAIL THAT YOU TYPE
WITH A PEN, WHICH IS LIKE A VAPE STICK FULL OF INK.
DO NOT SMOKE INK. ...AND I'M BEING TOLD THAT'S
ALREADY A TIK TOK CHALLENGE. SO, LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THIS
NEW STAMP. ( LAUGHTER )
OK, THAT IS GRAPHIC. IT ALSO COUNTS AS THEIR NEW
NATIONAL BIRD STAMP. ( LAUGHTER )
OF COURSE, WE'LL HAVE TO BLUR THAT FOR THE BROADCAST.
WE HAVEN'T HAD TO BLUR A POSTAGE STAMP SINCE THE POST OFFICE
ISSUED THAT STAMP OF WASHINGTON MOONING THE BRITISH.
THE UKRAINIAN POSTAL SERVICE ANNOUNCED THE STAMP DESIGN AFTER
HOLDING A PUBLIC VOTE ON SOCIAL MEDIA.
UKRAINIANS ARE VOTING ON STAMP DESIGNS IN THE MIDDLE OF WAR.
( LAUGHTER ) THAT IS AN UNBELIEVABLE,
UNSTOPPABLE SENSE OF CIVIL DO THE.
(UKRANIAN ACCENT) "IN LIGHT OF TANKS COMING DOWN
STREET, PLEASE REMEMBER THAT ALTERNATE SIDE PARKING IS
SUSPENDED." ( LAUGHTER )
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT, MY GUEST IS SANDRA
BULLOCK. BUT WHEN WE COME BACK,
MEANWHILE! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: JON BATISTE AND
"STAY HUMAN," EVERYBODY! ( BAND PLAYING )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY, JON.
( JON HUMMING ) >> Stephen: WHAT'S UP?
WHAT'S UP, Y'ALL? ALL GOOD?
>> Jon: YEAH!
>> Stephen: PLEASE, EVERYBODY, HAVE A SEAT.
THANK YOU. WE'VE GOT JON, TONIGHT, IT'S ONE
OF THOSE THINGS WHERE IT'S ALWAYS A TREAT FOR THE AUDIENCE
BECAUSE WE PUT ON A GOOD SHOW. I'M NOT GOING TO TOOT OUR OWN
HORN BUT -- >> Jon: WE GIVE IT OUR ALL.
THAT'S RIGHT. >> Stephen: TONIGHT IT'S A
REAL TREAT BECAUSE TONIGHT I GET TO HANG OUT WITH SANDRA BULLOCK.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) NO BIG DEAL, JUST SANDRA
BULLOCK, THAT'S ALL. NO BIGGIE.
>> Jon: EXACTLY. >> Stephen: WE DO THAT EVERY
DAY. WE ONLY BROADCAST IT TONIGHT.
( LAUGHTER ) FOLKS, I SPEND A LOT OF TIME,
RIGHT OVER THERE, CRUISING THE VAST TSU-KIJI FISH MARKET OF THE
DAY'S BIGGEST STORIES, CAREFULLY SURVEYING THE FRESHEST, MOST
TOPICAL CATCH OF THE DAY, CHOOSING ONLY THE HIGHEST GRADE
AHI NEWS TUNA, AWABI, AND UNAGI, THEN DELICATELY PICKING THROUGH
THE RICE GRAINS OF THE HEADLINES, GENTLY WRAPPING THE
INGREDIENTS IN THE FRESHEST HAND-PICKED NORI, AND CAREFULLY
LAYING IT ALL OUT TO PRESENT TO YOU THE YAMANAKA LACQUERED
THREE-TIER JUBAKO BENTO BOX THAT IS MY NIGHTLY MONOLOGUE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) BUT -- YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING. YOU KNOW WHAT'S COMING.
BUT SOMETIMES, I AM SLAPPED AWAKE BY A POSSUM ON A BED OF
WET TIRES NEAR A LONG-ABANDONED WHARF, SELL MY LAST REMAINING
ADULT TEETH TO A VAGRANT FISHMONGER FOR AN EXPIRED SALMON
CARCASS, THAT I GRIND INTO A SOFT PASTE, THEN ROLL IN ENOUGH
STALE RICE KRISPIES TO MAKE SNAP, CRACKLE, AND POP TAKE A
HARD LOOK IN MIRROR, AND SERVE YOU THE NIGHT-SCREAM INDUCING
HOBO HAND-ROLL OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT:
"MEANWHILE!" ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THERE YOU GO. THERE IT IS.
"MEANWHILE!" TO THE RESCUE! "MEANWHILE!," LIKE THE CALVARY!
MEANWHILE, IN LOS ANGELES A MAN LED POLICE ON A LENGTHY
CAR CHASE THROUGH THE CITY BEFORE FLEEING ON FOOT, AND
THAT'S WHERE IT GOT VERY "KEYSTONE COPS:"
>> YOU CAN SEE IT RIGHT THERE. THE SUSPECT TRYING TO GET INTO
SOMEONE'S PROPERTY, OBVIOUSLY DOING A VERY POOR JOB OF IT
RIGHT THERE. L.A.P.D. COMING TO A STOP-- OH,
COME ON, GUYS HE'S RIGHT THERE OFFICERS RUNNING RIGHT BY HIM.
OH, MY GOODNESS, I JUST FEEL SO BAD FOR THOSE OFFICERS MAKING
THEIR WAY BACK NOW. IT'S THE BLUE CAR!
SOME OF THOSE OFFICERS JUST GETTING THAT INFORMATION, THERE
YOU GO, THERE YOU GO. AND NOW THAT SUSPECT IS GOING
INTO CUSTODY. WOW.
(REPORTER LOUDLY SIGHS) AND THEY HAVEN'T SEEN HIM YET
THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE. THERE WE GO.
OH, MY GOSH. >> STEPHEN: THE L.A.P.D. REPORTS
THAT, AFTER UNSUCCESSFULLY SEARCHING FOR THE SUSPECT
UNDERNEATH THAT GUY LYING ON THE GROUND, HE IS STILL AT LARGE.
( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, A NEW ARTIFICIAL
INTELLIGENCE TOOL CAN SPOT HEART DISEASE NEARLY 40 TIMES FASTER
THAN DOCTORS. I'M TOLD WE HAVE FOOMGHT OF THE
A.I. IN ACTION. ( COMPUTER SCANNING AND
CALCULATING SOUNDS ) >> HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD
YOU TO GO EASY ON THE VELVEETA? ( LAUGHTER )
>> STEPHEN: THE TECH IS IMPRESSIVE, APPARENTLY IT CAN
SPOT HEART DISEASE IN 20 SECONDS.
HERE'S HOW IT WORKS: FIRST, IT ASKS IF YOU ARE AMERICAN.
IF YOU SAY YES, YOU HAVE HEART DISEASE.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
MEANWHILE, GREAT NEWS FOR ALL YOU ART LOVERS.
A MAN LISTED A PAINTING HE CLAIMS IS 'CURSED' ON EBAY FOR
JUST $50 BECAUSE HE SAYS IT RUINED HIS LIFE.
I DON'T GET IT. WHAT'S CURSED ABOUT THIS
PAINTING? IT'S JUST A HAUNTING DEAD-EYED
BABY AND CHUCKY ED SHEERAN. ( LAUGHTER )
ACCORDING TO THE SELLER, AFTER HE PURCHASED THE PAINTING, HE
EXPERIENCED AN "EPIC LOSING STREAK," INCLUDING DISCOVERING
AN INSECT INFESTATION IN HIS HOUSE, THE DEATH OF HIS BELOVED
HAMSTER, AND LACK OF SLEEP. WELL, IF YOU'RE HAVING TROUBLE
SLEEPING, I HEAR THE TRICK IS TO GET OUT OF BED, SIT SOMEPLACE
COMFORTABLE FOR A MOMENT, AND BURN THIS PAINTING.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
MEANWHILE, YOU CAN NOW BUY A DIAMOND RING MADE FROM RANCH
DRESSING. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
EITHER A DIAMOND OR A RANCH DRESSING FAN IN THE AUDIENCE.
( LAUGHTER ) YOU SEE, DIAMONDS ARE JUST PURE
CARBON, WHICH IS WHAT ALL ORGANIC MATERIAL IS MADE FROM.
SO, THIS DIAMOND WAS CREATED IN A LAB BY HEATING HIDDEN VALLEY
RANCH SEASONING TO 2,500 DEGREES, AND THEN CRUSHING THE
OUTPUT BENEATH 400 TONS OF PRESSURE, TAKING FIVE MONTHS
TOTAL TO CREATE. KINDA' SOUNDS LIKE ANYTHING CAN
BE A DIAMOND. REMINDS ME OF THE CLASSIC JAMES
BOND MOVIE: "DIAMONDS ARE WHATEVER."
( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, WE HERE AT MEANWHILE
EXTREME TAX SOLUTIONS AND DISCOUNT MEDICAL WASTE DISPOSAL
OFTEN GET SO MUCH INSANE NEWS OUT OF ONE PARTICULAR STATE THAT
WE CREATED OUR MEANWHILE SUB-SEGMENT:
"GUESS WHICH STATE THIS HAPPENED IN.
NEVER MIND, IT'S FLORIDA." >> GIVE ME BACK MY DRUGS,
ALLIGATOR! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
MEANWHILE, A FLORIDA MAN ASKED POLICE TO TEST HIS METH FOR
AUTHENTICITY. THERE'S ALREADY A PRETTY
RELIABLE WAY TO TEST IF YOUR METH IS AUTHENTIC.
DID IT MAKE YOU CALL THE POLICE TO COME CHECK IF YOUR METH IS
AUTHENTIC? THEN THAT'S THE GOOD STUFF.
THE GENIUS CONNOISSEUR APPARENTLY TOLD OFFICERS THAT HE
WAS AN EXPERIENCED DRUG USER AND HE KNEW WHAT IT SHOULD FEEL LIKE
AND THAT THE SUBSTANCE WASN'T PRODUCING THE DESIRED EFFECT.
"THIS METHAMPHETAMINE LACKS CHARACTERISTIC NOTES OF BATTERY
ACID AND FANTA BOTTLE AND SIMPLY ISN'T PRODUCING THE
TOOTH-SOFTENING FINISH ONE IS ACCUSTOMED TO.
I DON'T FEEL ANY SPIDERS UNDER MY SKIN."
( LAUGHTER ) UNSURPRISINGLY, TURNS OUT, THE
MAN'S METH WAS REAL. AND HE WAS ARRESTED.
( LAUGHTER ) WELL, WELL, LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE
OWES HIS METH DEALER AN APOLOGY. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH SANDRA
BULLOCK. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: THERE YOU GO. HEY!
WELCOME BACK! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY GUEST
TONIGHT -- ( CHEERING )
-- IS AN ACADEMY AWARD-WINNING ACTRESS YOU KNOW FROM "THE BLIND
SIDE," "OCEAN'S EIGHT," AND "BIRD BOX," PLEASE WELCOME BACK
TO "THE LATE SHOW," SANDRA BULLOCK!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING )
ISN'T THAT LOVELY? SANDRA BULLOCK!
NO, NO! YOU SIT!
YOU SIT. LOVELY TO SEE YOU.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> A ROWDY BUNCH.
>> Stephen: VERY EXCITED. LOVELY TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
>> LOVELY TO BE HERE. >> Stephen: SANDRA BULLOCK,
PEOPLE CALL YOU SANDY? >> YES, PEOPLE WHO I LIKE.
>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT, I'M NOT GOING TO GET OUT AHEAD OF MY
SKIS AND CALL YOU SANDY. >> I PREFER IT.
>> Stephen: SANDY B. ANDY B.
>> Stephen: LIKE CALLING ROBERT DE NIRO BOBBY B.
>> YEAH. >> Stephen: SINCE 2018, NOT A
LOT'S HAPPENED SINCE THEN. >> NOT A LOT.
>> Stephen: HOW HAVE YOU BEEN? I FEEL LIKE IT'S THE LOST
YEARS BECAUSE I CAN'T REMEMBER. I MADE TWO MOVIES BUT OTHER THAN
THAT, I CAN'T REMEMBER. >> Stephen: NO BIG DEAL,
INCLUDING THIS IS ONE OF THE TWO.
>> I HAVE BEEN DOING WHAT EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING.
>> Stephen: IS "BULLET TRAIN" ANOTHER ONE?
>> I WAS LITERALLY IN IT A SECOND FOR A DAY OR TWO.
I DON'T DO ANYTHING TOO MEANINGFUL OTHER THAN BEING
BRAD'S HEAD FOR A WHILE. >> Stephen: BRAD?
BRADY P. >> BRADY P.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: ARE YOU GOOD
FRIENDS. >> NO, NOT AT ALL.
I REALLY DON'T KNOW THE MAN. >> Stephen: THE NEW FILM IS
CALLED "THE LOST CITY." IT'S THE HIGHEST COMPLIMENT, IT
IS SILLY AND STUPID. >> WOW, WOW, THAT'S THE WORD
YOU'RE PUTTING OUT INTO THE UNIVERSE.
>> Stephen: IT'S SO SILLY, IT'S FUN.
>> NOW YOU SAY FUN, BUT YOU LED WITH SILLY AND STUPID, AND I'M
THINKING, WHY AM I HERE? >> Stephen: THAT'S THE HIGHEST
COMPLIMENT I CAN GIVE A COMEDIAN, BOY, THAT'S DUMB.
( LAUGHTER ) BUT IT'S SO FUN AND IT'S GOT
GOOD EXPLOSIONS, TOO. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?
>> THAT EXPLOSION WAS OUR FIRST TAKE.
>> Stephen: YOU AND THE THING INSIDE THE WH WHEELBARROW.
>> YEAH, THAT WAS OUR FIRST TAKE.
NO ONE TOLD US HOW BIG IT WOULD BE.
>> Stephen: YOU LOOK STARTLED. MY FACE IS SO AWKWARD AND GO
DESK. >> Stephen: TELL PEOPLE WHAT
IT'S ABOUT. >> WELL, IT'S A STUPID FILM --
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: IT'S THAT GOOD?
YEAH. >> Stephen: WOW!
IT'S A THROWBACK TO THE WAY MOVIES USED TO BE THAT WERE
FUNNY AND HAD BIG SCOPE AND A LOT OF LOVE AND HATE AND ACTION
AND GREAT ACTORS IN IT. >> Stephen: YES.
IT'S EPIC IN ITS SCALE, TOO. >> STUPIDLY EPIC.
>> Stephen: YES. I PLAY AN AUTHOR WHO IS A
SHUT-IN, SHE'S EXPERIENCED LOSS AND SHE FEELS SHE CAN WRITE HER
ROMANCE NOVELS, SHE'S REALLY A HISTORIAN BUT THEY COULDN'T SELL
HER BOOK SO SHE ADDED SEX AND IT BECAME ROMANCE NOVELS.
SHE THINKS SHE CAN WRITE BUT CAN'T BECAUSE HER FIRST BOOK IN
FIVE YEARS IS A FLOP. THEY ASKED HER PRESS MODEL TO
COME ON THE TOUR BECAUSE NOBODY WANTS TO SEE HER.
>> Stephen: KIND OF A FABIO INDIVIDUAL.
>> YES, HE'S A FAN FAVORITE AND THEY GO ON THE TOUR AND SHE GETS
KIDNAPPED BY A BILLIONAIRE WHO BELIEVES IN HER BOOK IS THE
ANSWER TO THE TREASURE THAT HE'S BEEN SEEKING.
>> Stephen: AND THE EVIL BILLIONAIRE IS DANIEL RATCLIFF.
>> WHO IS BEYOND BRILLIANT. >> Stephen: AND FUN TO SEE
EVIL. >> JUST A REALLY GOOD GUY.
>> Stephen: AND DASH, YOUR COVER MODEL, CHANNING TATUM.
>> HE IS FULL ON FABIO-NESS. >> Stephen: HE'S FULL ON
MONTY. LET'S SELL TICKETS NOW, SANDY.
>> HE'S STUPID NAKED IN THIS FILM, STUPID!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: THERE'S A MOMENT
IN THE AD WHERE HE'S STRIPPED TO THE WAIST, LEACHES ARE ON HIS
BACK. IN THE MOVIE HE DROPS TROU
COMPLETELY AND I THINK THEY'RE HANDLING THAT IN A TASTEFUL WAY
UNTIL THEY DON'T, AND THEN IT'S A FULL ON QUITE LOVELY SHOT OF
HIS BUTT, FULL CRACK. >> NO, NO!
>> Stephen: NO, REALLY, I WATCHED YOUR MOVIE.
I DON'T ALWAYS WATCH MY GUESTS' MOVIES.
I WATCHED THIS ONE. >> NO, THERE'S A FULL CHEEK,
THEN A ART -- >> Stephen: THAT'S CALLED THE
CRACK, THE PART. DID YOU NOT GO TO MEDICAL
SCHOOL? THEY CALL THAT THE CRACK.
>> I COULD BE WRONG, YOU MIGHT BE NEED TO GO SEE THE MOVIE JUST
TO FIGURE THIS OUT. I DON'T BELIEVE WE SHOWED THE
FULL LEFT CHEEK, I THINK WE HIPTD AT THE RISE --
>> Stephen: 90% TO HAVE THE LEFT CHEEK.
IT'S FULL -- LIKE THIS. >> FULL.
>> Stephen: LIKE THIS ( MAKING SOUNDS )
>> YEAH. >> Stephen: ABSOLUTELY.
AND IT'S A LONG TIME. I'M TELLING YOU, IT'S AN ETICKET
RIGHT THERE. IT'S A FAST PASS RIGHT THERE.
>> HOW MANY PEOPLE KNOW WHAT AN ETICKET IS?
>> Stephen: I'M 57. OF COURSE, PEOPLE KNOW.
>> EIGHT PEOPLE WENT, YEAH! >> Stephen: AND THERE'S A
MOMENT AT WHICH HE TURNS AROUND SO YOU CAN CHECK THE FRONT.
>> HE DOES. >> Stephen: IS THAT C.G.I.?
NO. >> Stephen: YOU'RE THERE.
FULLY THERE. FULL ON, FACE TO FACE WITH THE
LANDSCAPE THAT I NEEDED TO TEÊTE-AÀ-TEÊTE, AS WE SAY.
>> FULL ON TEÊTE-AÀ-TEÊTE. I HAD TO SPEND TIME DOWN THERE
JUST MAKING SURE -- >> Stephen: NO LEACHES.
NO LEACHES. AND I HAD A LOT TO SAY TO IT,
APPARENTLY. AS ONE DOES.
WHEN YOU'RE THERE YOU MIGHT AS WELL GET TO KNOW IT.
>> Stephen: YES. YOUR CHARACTER IS REACTING IN
THAT MOMENT. >> YES.
>> Stephen: AS IF -- THERE'S A SURPRISE.
>> Stephen: AND PERHAPS HE IS GENEROUSLY ENDOWED, SHALL WE
SAY. >> OR NOT.
>> Stephen: OH... UH-HUH.
THE CHARACTER! THE CHARACTER!
>> Stephen: I HADN'T THOUGHT ABOUT THAT.
IT COULD SWING EITHER WAY. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) YOU NEVER KNOW.
>> LET'S JUST SAY -- LET'S JUST SAY --
>> Stephen: SAY IT. -- THAT I HONESTLY DIDN'T
NOTICE BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO --
>> Stephen: THAT SPEAKS VOLUMES.
>> IN ALL HONESTY WHEN YOU'RE DOWN THERE AND HAVE TWO PAGES OF
DIALOGUE AND YOU'RE LOOKING AT IT YOU GET NOTHING DONE.
I LOOKED AT HIS LEFT THIGH JUST LIKE THE CREASE BETWEEN THAT
AREA AND THERE. >> Stephen: THIS THING, THIS
THING. THAT THING RIGHT THERE.
>> NO, THAT'S HIGHER UP. I HAD TO LOOK DOWN WHERE IT
MIGHT BE, BUT I JUST GRAZED IT HERE.
AND I FOCUSED MORE ON THE LEFT INNER THIGH.
>> Stephen: OKAY. BECAUSE YOU'RE A PRO.
>> YEAH! >> Stephen: NOW, THIS IS A
TOUGH TRANSITION FOR ME TO MAKE TO THE NEXT QUESTION.
>> LET ME HELP YOU. >> Stephen: IT'S THIS ONE.
WHICH ONE? YOUR KIDS LOUIE AND LILA!
( LAUGHTER ) LET'S JUST SKIP THAT ONE.
>> YEAH. >> Stephen: THEY WERE ON THE
SET THE WHOLE TIME. >> NO, THEY WERE ON QUARANTINE.
>> Stephen: THE BUBBLE. THE BEAUTY OF IT WAS WE WERE
IN THE DOMINICAN REPUBLIC. WE HAD 650 CREW MEMBERS, 450
DOMINICAN. WE SAID COME WITH US, WE'LL KEEP
YOU SAFE BUT YOU HAVE TO BUBBLE WITH US.
WE TOOK OVER RESORTS THAT SHUT DOWN, SO WE SAID COME BACK,
EVERYONE, WE'RE GOING TO BUBBLE. SO WE HAD A SAFE TIME AND A GOOD
TIME. >> Stephen: A SAFE TIME AND A
GOOD TIME. >> ISN'T THAT A KEY THESE DAYS?
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: A QUICK BREAK BUT
BACK WITH MORE OF SANDRA BULLOCK, EVERYBODY.
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! WE'RE BACK HERE WITH SANDRA
BULLOCK FROM THE NEW MOVIE "THE LOST CITY."
BRAD PITT. >> YES.
>> Stephen: THE BRAD PITT. BRADY P., HAS A CAMEO.
HE'S REALLY FUNNY IN IT. >> HE IS.
>> Stephen: HE'S STUPID FUNNY. TUPID FUNNY IN THIS, YEAH.
>> Stephen: HOW DID THAT COME ABOUT?
>> MY GIRLFRIEND WHO HAS BEEN DOING MY HAIR ON MOVIES FOREVER
WAS DOING HIS HAIR ON BULLET TRAIN AND HE SAID, CAN YOU
PLEASE CALL SANDY AND ASK HER IF SHE WOULD BE WILLING TO DO THE
PART. AND I TOLD HER, HE NEEDS TO DO
THE PART. WE NEVER SPOKE.
>> Stephen: DID JEANINE GET HERE BEAK WET BECAUSE SOUNDS
LIKE SHE'S A PRODUCER HERE. >> SHE DOES NOT.
SHE DOESN'T DO THAT. >> Stephen: I'M NOT ASKING HER
IF SHE HAS A SUBSTANCE ABUSE PROBLEMS.
DID SHE GET A TASTE OF THE PROCEEDS.
>> SHE GETS TO WORK WITH US! WHAT MORE DOES SHE WANT?
>> Stephen: I WOULD GIVE HER PRODUCER CREDIT IF YOU WORK FOR
ME, WORK FOR STEVIE C. OVER HERE.
>> DOESN'T HAVE THE SAME -- >> Stephen: DOESN'T?
NO. >> Stephen: WELL, THAT'S ALL
WE HAVE TIME FOR. ( LAUGHTER )
A VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION. KEANU REEVES CAME BACK WITH THE
MATRIX RESURRECTION. YOU GUYS FIRST HIT IT OFF IN
SPEED. >> HOW KIND IS HE.
>> Stephen: LOVELY. HE IS THAT GUY.
>> Stephen: WHAT ABOUT "SPEED 3".
HE SAYS HE'S UP FOR THAT. >> NO, I WOULD BE HAPPY TO SIT
IN ANY VEHICLE WITH KEANU FOR THE DURATION.
>> Stephen: WHAT WOULD YOU WANT TO BE.
>> I THINK WE SHOULD BE OLD AND IN AN R.V.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: AND HE'S BACK
THERE MAKING GRILLED CHEESE. >> HE'S DRIVING THIS TIME AND
I'M TELLING HIM HOW TO DRIVE AND WE'RE FIGHTING MAYBE.
>> Stephen: AND THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG, JUST
FIGHTING FOR TWO HOURS. >> AND THE CARS ARE TRYING TO
GET AROUND US THE WHOLE TIME AND WE'RE JUST PUTTING ALONG THE
INTERSTATE. I THINK THAT COULD BE --
>> Stephen: DID I MENTION THIS TO YOU THE LAST TIME YOU WERE
HERE? I TRIED TO GET AN AUDITION FOR
SPEED 2. >> WHY?
I HAPPENED TO BE IN LOS ANGELES AT THE TIME AND I CALLED MY
AGENT, SAID SEE IF YOU CAN GET ME AN AWE DISITION.
>> DID YOU READ THE SCRIPT? >> Stephen: NO, THERE'S A
BOAT, IT'S FAST AND GOING TO BLOW UP.
HE SAID, I'LL GET BACK TO YOU, AND HE SAID ABSOLUTELY NOT.
>> ARE YOU BEING SERIOUS. >> Stephen: SERIOUS.
YOUNT GLAD YOU WEREN'T IN IT. >> Stephen: I HAD A BABY.
NEEDED A JOB. WOULD HAVE BEEN HAPPY.
>> I WOULD HAVE HIRED YOU. >> Stephen: YOU WOULD HAVE?
BUT YOU WOULD HAVE HAD TO DO MY HAIR.
>> Stephen: I WOULD LOVE IT. SPEED 3, THINK ABOUT ME.
>> I'M THINKING. OH, WITH YOU?
WITH ME AND KEANU? >> Stephen: NO, KEANU -- I'M,
LIKE, THE COP THAT PULLS OVER THE R.V.
>> I LIKE THAT. >> Stephen: AND YOU'VE GOT TO
DRIVE A LITTLE BIT FASTER OR ELSE WE'RE GOING TO BLOW IT UP.
THAT'S THE PLOT. YOU HAVE TO DRIVE OVER 50 MILES
AN HOUR OR WE BLOW UP YOUR R.V. >> OKAY.
>> Stephen: ARE YOU IN. I'M IN.
>> Stephen: IS THAT A TV IN OR A HOLLYWOOD IN?
>> YES. ( LAUGHTER )
SO I DON'T KNOW. >> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW.
WILL YOU MOVE ON. >> Stephen: NO, YOU DON'T GET
TO SEE. THIS PART'S NOT ON THE CARD.
OVER THERE GOING WE'RE DEFINITELY CUTTING HIS AUDITION
TAPE OVER THERE. WE HAVE TO TAKE A BREAK.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, SANDRA BULLOCK HAS BROUGHT AN EXCLUSIVE
CLIP FROM THE MOVIE YOU WON'T SEE ANYWHERE ELSE.
STICK AROUND. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! WE'RE BACK HERE WITH THE STAR OF
"THE LOST CITY," SANDRA BULLOCK. I'M VERY EXCITED ABOUT WHAT'S
ABOUT TO HAPPEN BECAUSE MOST GUESTS BRING A CLIP OF THEIR
MOVIE, AND YOU'VE GONE THE EXTRA MILE.
TELL THE PEOPLE WHAT YOU'VE BROUGHT.
>> YOU DO THESE PRESS RELEASES AND HAVE ALL THE CLIPS.
SO AFTER A WHILE I THINK YOU'RE GOING TO SEE THE SAME CLIPS OVER
AND OVER AGAIN THAT I DON'T FEEL EXEMPLIFY THE ENERGY ON SET.
WE WERE SO HAPPY TO BE IN EACH OTHERS' PRESENCE THAT WE GOT NO
WORK DONE. SO WE HAD A BLOOPER REAL THAT WE
SHOWED THE CREW BECAUSE WE WASTED SO MUCH FILM.
SO I JUST BROUGHT A CHUNK OF OUR BLOOPER REAL.
>> Stephen: THIS IS AN EXCLUSIVE.
>> YES. >> Stephen: NO ONE ELSE HAS
GOTTEN THIS. >> DO WE SAY IT THAT.
>> Stephen: THAT'S WHAT WE CALL IT IN THE INDUSTRY.
JIM. >> WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
I WAS ACTING! GOOD ACTING!
YEAH, FINE, HER, TOO. PLEASE.
MANSCAPE -- >> DON'T WANT TO MANSCAPE YOU.
I DIDN'T BRING MY CLIPPERS. >> HEY, WHAT'S UP?
I TOOK OVER YOUR SOCIALS, AND, SO --
( LAUGHTER ) -- I -- I HAVE BEEN TWEETING FOR
YOU AND, TODAY -- >> IT'S BASED ON THE NAME OF AN
AN CHEPT TRIPE. CAN'T REMEMBER THE NAME.
>> APIKAGINO -- JUST D FOR DASH. ( BLEEP ).
>> A BIT OF WHISKEY. JUST SAY IT.
I THINK DO THAT -- HAVE YOU SEEN THE MATRIX?
THERE IS ROOM FOR LEACHES, AVAILABLE TERRAIN BUT THEY HAVE
NOT EXPLORED THIS BEIGE RUNWAY. ( LAUGHTER )
I'LL GO THAT AGAIN! >> Stephen: THAT IS STUPID.
BEIGE RUNWAY. THAT'S GOOD.
>> Stephen: WELL -- IS THIS THE AWKWARD TIME?
>> Stephen: I HAD A GREAT TIME TONIGHT.
I'D REALLY LOVE TO SEE YOU AGAIN, SANDY, BUT WE'VE GOT TO
GO, UNFORTUNATELY. ALL RIGHT.
>> Stephen: THANKS FOR BEING HERE.
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR HAVING ME
>> STEPHEN: "THE LOST CITY" IS IN THEATERS MARCH 25TH.
SANDRA BULLOCK, EVERYBODY. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A
PERFORMANCE BY BILLY STRINGS. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> STEPHEN: HE IS NOMINATED FOR BEST AMERICAN ROOTS PERFORMANCE
AND BEST BLUEGRASS ALBUM AT THE UPCOMING GRAMMY AWARDS.
PERFORMING "KNOW IT ALL," FROM HIS ALBUM "RENEWAL,"
BILLY STRINGS. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ WELL ALL I KNOW IS EVERYTHING I'VE LEARNED
♪ AND IF I'M CHANGING THAT'S THE REASON
♪ THAT I'LL TURN INTO SOMEONE I CAN TRUST
♪ BEFORE I TURN BACK INTO DUST
♪ THERE'S AN ANSWER BUT I WOULDN'T BE CONCERNED
♪ OUT OF EVERYTHING I'VE SEEN AND ALL I'VE HEARD
♪ AND EVERYWHERE I'VE BEEN AROUND THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD
♪ THERE'S STILL SOMETHING I CAN'T FIND
♪ I'VE BEEN LOST WITHIN MY MIND
♪ SINCE YOU FELL OUT OF MY SIGHT WITHOUT A WORD
♪ WELL I THOUGHT I KNEW IT ALL TILL I CRASHED INTO THE WALL
♪ LET ME LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES
♪ AND TRY TO PICK UP ALL THE PIECES
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ WELL THE NIGHT WE MET I THOUGHT YOU WERE THE ONE
♪ YES AND WHEN YOU LEFT
♪ I NEARLY CAME UNDONE THERE'S A MILLION MILES
♪ TO GO AT THE END I STILL WON'T KNOW
♪ WHAT I DID TO EVER SEND YOU ON THE RUN
♪ NOW THE MEMORIES JUST KEEP FLYING
♪ 'ROUND AND 'ROUND AND I'M TRAVELING FASTER
♪ THAN THE SPEED OF SOUND WELL THE BIGGER I STAND TALL
♪ IT'S THE HARDER I MAY FALL ON THE DAY MY VICES
♪ LAY ME IN THE GROUND WELL I THOUGHT I KNEW IT ALL
♪ TILL I CRASHED INTO THE WALL LET ME LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES
♪ AND TRY TO PICK UP ALL THE PIECES
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ WELL, ALL I KNOW IS
EVERYTHING I'VE LEARNED ♪ AND IF I'M CHANGING
THAT'S THE REASON ♪ THAT I'LL TURN
INTO SOMEONE I CAN TRUST ♪ BEFORE I TURN BACK INTO DUST
THERE'S AN ANSWER ♪ BUT I WOULDN'T BE CONCERNED
WELL I THOUGHT I KNEW IT ALL ♪ TILL I CRASHED INTO THE WALL
LET ME LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES ♪ AND TRY TO PICK UP
ALL THE PIECES ♪ LET ME LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES
AND TRY TO ♪ PICK UP ALL THE PIECES
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: MAN, THAT WAS
BEAUTIFUL. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
>> Stephen: BILLY STRINGS, EVERYBODY!
THAT'S IT FOR THE LATE SHOW. TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS
WILL BE ANNE HATHAWAY AND DA'VINE JOY RANDOLPH.
JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT. GOOD NIGHT.