PRESIDENT BIDEN ANNOUNCING
THE U.S. WILL BAN ALL RUSSIAN ENERGY IMPORTS INTO THE UNITED
STATES, INCLUDING OIL, NATURAL GAS, AND COAL, A MOVE THAT WILL
FURTHER CRIPPLE RUSSIA'S ALREADY-STRUGGLING ECONOMY.
>> WE'RE BANNING ALL IMPORTS OF RUSSIAN OIL AND GAS AND ENERGY.
THAT MEANS RUSSIAN OIL WILL NO LONGER BE ACCEPTABLE AT U.S.
PORTS, AND THE AMERICAN PEOPLE WILL DEAL ANOTHER POWERFUL BLOW
TO PUTIN'S WAR MACHINE. ( SUNG TO "THE BEVERLY
>> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
TONIGHT: COMMANDER IN KYIV.
PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES: JOHN C. REILLY
AND KRISTIN CHENOWETH
FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN.
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE
ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: THERE YOU GO.
THERE YOU GO.
WELCOME, EVERYBODY. PLEASE HAVE A SEAT.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, MY FRIEND, UP HERE, DOWN THERE.
WELCOME, WELCOME ONE AND ALL TO "LATE SHOW"."
I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
NOTICED, BUT I'M A COMEDIAN. AND IT'S RIGHT THERE ON MY
TAXES. AND AS SUCH, I'VE GOT A LOT OF
COMEDY IDOLS, MANY OF WHOM I'VE HAD THE HONOR TO MEET, THANKS TO
THIS JOB RIGHT OVER THERE: STEVE MARTIN, JOHN CLEESE, ELMO.
HE JUST TICKLES ME. ( LAUGHTER )
THANK YOU. AND MY NEW COMEDY IDOL IS
VOLODYMYR ZELENSKY. HE WAS A COMEDIAN, VERY
SUCCESSFUL COMEDIAN FOR MANY YEARS.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). NORMALLY, I'M AGAINST ELECTING
COMEDIANS TO POLITICAL OFFICE-- AND KEEP IN MIND, I RAN FOR
PRESIDENT TWICE. ( LAUGHTER )
WORLD WITH HIS COURAGE IN THE FACE OF THE RUSSIAN INVASION,
AND LAST NIGHT, HE TOOK HIS BRAVERY TO A BRAND-NEW LEVEL OF
BAD-ASSERY. IN A SPEECH TO THE UKRAINIAN
PEOPLE, HE DECLARED THAT, DESPITE NUMEROUS ASSASSINATION
ATTEMPTS AGAINST HIM IN JUST THE LAST TWO WEEKS, HE'S NOT GOING
ANYWHERE. >> NOW I WILL SAY ONE THING:
I STAY HERE. I STAY IN KYIV.
ON BANKOVA STREET. I'M NOT HIDING.
AND I'M NOT AFRAID OF ANYONE. >> Stephen: THAT IS SO BRAVE.
I AM PERSONALLY INSPIRED BY HIS EXAMPLE.
AND I WANT TO SAY, VLADIMIR PUTIN, I AM NOT AFRAID OF YOU,
EITHER. IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR THIS
COMEDIAN, I'M IN THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER ON BROADWAY
IN MANHATTAN... ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( LAUGHTER ) MY NAME, SIR-- AND WRITE THIS
DOWN-- IS JAMES CORDEN. ( LAUGHTER )
THIS WAS THE FIRST TIME-- I DON'T CARE!
I'LL PUT IT OUT THERE! >> Jon: YEAH.
>> Stephen: THIS WAS THE FIRST TIME SINCE THE INVASION THAT
ZELENSKY ADDRESSED THE NATION FROM HIS PRESIDENTIAL OFFICE,
BUT HE STARTED WITH A "WEST WING"-STYLE WALK AND TALK:
>> HERE IS THE EVENING, KYIV. OUR OFFICE, MONDAY EVENING.
YOU KNOW, WE USED TO SAY, "MONDAY IS A HARD DAY."
THERE IS A WAR IN THE COUNTRY, SO EVERY DAY IS MONDAY.
>> Stephen: BEAUTIFUL AND RELATABLE WORDS.
OF COURSE, ZELENSKY DIDN'T WRITE THAT HIMSELF.
HE'S QUOTING FAMED UKRAINIAN POET, GARFIELDOMIR DECATSKY.
( LAUGHTER ) ZELENSKY---- BIG GARFIELDOMIR
FANS ZELENSKY HAS BEGGED THE WESTERN
POWERS TO RAMP UP THE ECONOMIC PAIN ON RUSSIA, AND THIS
MORNING, JOE BIDEN DISHED OUT THE BIGGEST DOSE YET:
>> TODAY, I'M ANNOUNCING THE UNITED STATES IS TARGETING THE
MAN ARTERY OF RUSSIA'S ECONOMY. WE'RE BANNING ALL IMPORTS OF
RUSSIAN OIL AND GAS AND ENERGY. >> Stephen: TAKE THAT, VLAD!
AMERICA DOESN'T NEED YOUR KLEPTO CRUDE!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HAPPY TO STAY HOME AND
AND FRACK OURSELVES BLIND. THIS IS ANOTHER MASSIVE BLOW TO
THE RUSSIAN ECONOMY, AND BIDEN REMINDED AMERICANS JUST HOW MUCH
DAMAGE WE'VE ALREADY DONE. >> THE RUSSIAN RUBLE IS NOW
DOWN TO 50%, BY 50% SINCE PUTIN ANNOUNCED HIS WAR.
ONE RUBLE IS NOW WORTH LESS THAN ONE AMERICAN PENNY.
ONE RUBLE IS LESS THAN ONE AMERICAN PENNY.
>> Stephen: "AND LET ME TELL YA, JACKOV--
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) SERIOUS.
I'M NOT JEKING HERE. THAT PENNY AIN'T WORTH WHAT IT
USED TO BE. BACK IN SCRANTON IN
19-AUGHT-FORGET-ABOUT-IT, A SHINY LINCOLN WOULD GETCHA TWO
TICKETS TO THE RIALTO TO SEE A TALKIE OF OL' CHUCKY CHAPLIN
GIVIN' THE KAISER THE WHAT-FOR YOU'D STILL HAVE--
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) OVER TO GO TO THE LUNCHEONETTE
FOR A HEARTY BOWL OF TWINE SOUP.
MORE AND MORE COMPANIES ARE SAYING NYET TO DOING BUSINESS IN
RUSSIA. THE LATEST IS McDONALD'S, WHICH
EARLIER TODAY ANNOUNCED THEY'RE TEMPORARILY CLOSING RESTAURANTS
AND PAUSING ALL OPERATIONS IN RUSSIA.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YES.
RUSSIA JUST BECAME A "NO FRY ZONE."
( LAUGHTER ) OH, YEAH.
HITIN THEM HARD. NOW RUSSIANS WILL BE FORCED TO
DO THE UNTHINKABLE: DINE AT THE RUSSIAN ARBY'S-- "WE HAVE THE
BEETS!" ( LAUGHTER )
TO LASH OUT-- CRISPY CURLS AND COKE.
TO LASH OUT AT A REASONABLE WORLD THAT HATES PUTIN'S
GROTESQUE WAR CRIMES, YESTERDAY, RUSSIA RELEASED A LIST OF
UNFRIENDLY COUNTRIES, INCLUDING AUSTRALIA, GREAT BRITAIN,
CANADA, SOUTH KOREA, AND THE UNITED STATES.
OH, NO! OH, NO!
NOT AN UNFRIENDLY LIST! THIS IS THE MOST DEVASTATING
ATTACK SINCE FIDEL CASTRO PUT J.F.K. IN HIS BURN BOOK.
( LAUGHTER ) MEOW.
>> Jon: WOW! >> Stephen: IT'S NOT JUST THE
MAJOR POWERS. PUTIN'S LIST ALSO INCLUDES TINY
COUNTRIES LIKE ANDORRA, SAN MARINO, AND MICRONESIA.
IT'S TRUE WHAT THEY SAY: THE ENEMY OF MY ENEMY, IS MY...
CRONESIA. IN ADDITION-- THANK YOU, THANK
YOU VERY MUCH. >> Jon: THAT'S FANTASTIC.
I LIKE THAT. >> Stephen: THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH. ( APPLAUSE )
IN ADDITION TO BEING AWESOME, CLASSIFYING A COUNTRY AS
"UNFRIENDLY" IS ALSO AN ECONOMIC MANEUVER, ALLOWING THE RUSSIAN
GOVERNMENT, COMPANIES, AND CITIZENS TO TEMPORARILY PAY
FOREIGN DEBTS IN RUBLES. NOOOOO!
NOT RUBLES! RUBLES ARE WORTHLESS NOW!
THIS IS LIKE WHEN YOUR NEIGHBOR BREAKS YOUR LAWNMOWER AND TRIES
"DAVE-BUCKS." IT'S NOT MONEY IF I CAN ONLY USE
IT IN YOUR HOUSE, DAVE. ZELENSKY IS NOT THE ONLY
INSPIRING UKRAINIAN. ORDINARY PEOPLE THERE HAVE GIVEN
US SO MANY IMAGES OF HOPE AMID THE HARDSHIP, LIKE THIS VIDEO OF
A LITTLE GIRL IN A BOMB SHELTER IN KYIV SINGING THE RUSSIAN
VERSION OF "LET IT GO."
>> Stephen: THAT LITTLE GIRL IS AMAZING.
( APPLAUSE ). THAT'S INCREDIBLE.
SHE IS THE ONLY PERSON ON THE PLANET WHO CAN MAKE EVERY
PARENT I KNOW SAY, "LET'S LISTEN TO 'LET IT GO' AGAIN."
( LAUGHTER ) SHE IS RISKING THE ANGER OF THE
ONLY FORCE SCARIER THAN THE RUSSIAN ARMY: DISNEY LAWYERS.
THEY WILL FIND YOU. THEY WILL FIND YOU.
THE POLICY IN UKRAINE IS THAT WHILE MEN AGED 18 TO 60 NEED TO
STAY AND FIGHT, WOMEN AND CHILDREN CAN LEAVE.
BUT AS THE WAR ESCALATES, MORE WOMEN ARE RETURNING, LIKE THIS
GROUP OF MOMS, WHO HAD A VERY TOUGH MESSAGE FOR RUSSIA.
>> ( translated ): WE ARE WOMEN OF UKRAINE.
WE HAVE BLESSED OUR MEN TO PROTECT OUR LAND.
WE HAVE ALREADY TAKEN OUR CHILDREN TO SAFETY.
WE JOIN THE MEN AND THE UKRAINIAN ARMY.
>> Stephen: PUTIN, YOU DONE MESSED UP NOW.
YOU MADE THE MOMS MAD. YOU MADE MOM MAD!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) NOBODY-- EVERYBODY-- EVERYBODY
BE KNOWS DON'T MAKE MOMS MAD. MOMS WERE BUILT FOR CONFLICT!
THEY CAN FIND ANYTHING, EAT DINNER IN UNDER 20 SECONDS, AND
KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE DOING, EVEN IF YOU'RE UPSTAIRS
AND COMPLETELY SILENT. IF THEY USE PUTIN'S MIDDLE NAME,
IT IS OVER: "VLADIMIR VLADIMIROVICH PUTIN,
GET DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW, YOUNG MAN, 'CAUSE I HAVE AN AK-46 AND
WILL SHOOT YOU IN THE FACE." IT'S FITTING TO WATCH THAT VIDEO
ON INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY. AND INVASION OR NOT--
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) UKRAINE ARE STILL MARKING THE
OCCASION. >> TODAY, BY THE WAY, IS THE 8th
OF MARCH, AND THIS IS THE WOMEN'S DAY.
THE DAY IS PRETTY MUCH-- A LOT CELEBRATED IN UKRAINE.
AND TODAY IS SOME MAN FROM THE TERRITORIAL DEFENSE UNIT,
THEY CAME TO THE BOMB SHELTER WITH A LOT OF FLOWERS.
THE GUYS JUST BROUGHT IT TO US. >> Stephen: THAT'S BEAUTIFUL--
FLOWERS IN THE MIDDLE OF A WAR ZONE.
AMERICAN MEN-- ( APPLAUSE )
UP. ( LAUGHTER )
LONGER BE SATISFIED WITH YOUR TRADITIONAL GIFT FOR
INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY, SAYING, "HEY, TURNS OUT THERE'S
AN INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY! ARE YOU INTERNATIONAL?
YOU'RE NATIONAL, RIGHT? YOU'RE NOT INTERNATIONAL.
I DIDN'T MISS, ANY RIGHT, BECAUSE YOU LIVE HERE."
SO MANY UKRAINIAN CITIZENS ARE DOING THEIR PART TO RESIST
PUTIN'S AGGRESSION. CASE IN POINT: OVER THE WEEKEND,
WHEN AN ADVISOR TO THE UKRAINIAN GOVERNMENT TWEETED, "IN KYIV A
WOMAN KNOCKED DOWN A RUSSIAN DRONE FROM A BALCONY WITH A JAR
OF CUCUMBERS. HOW DID THEY EXPECT TO OCCUPY
THIS COUNTRY?" THAT'S RIGHT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) UKRAINIAN GRANDMOTHERS HAVE
WEAPONIZED PICKLES! AND THEY'RE NOT GHERKIN AROUND.
HERE'S THE DILL-EO: MESS WITH UKRAINE, AND THEY'LL RELISH THE
OPPORTUNITY TO HIT YOU WITH A PICKLE SPEAR, OR EVEN WORSE,
DROP A TACTICAL CUKE. ( APPLAUSE ).
YEAH! >> Stephen: CORNICHON.
ONE WRINKLE: NOBODY WAS ABLE TO VERIFY THE PICKLE STORY, AND A
LOT OF PEOPLE WROTE IT OFF AS AN URBAN LEGEND.
BUT THEN THE UKRAINIAN NEWS SITE liga.net DID THE PULITZER- AND
PICKLE-WORTHY JOURNALISM AND TRACKED THE WOMAN DOWN.
AND IT TURNS OUT, SADLY, THE STORY WAS NOT TRUE.
THE WOMAN WANTS TO SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT: THOSE WERE
NOT PICKLED CUCUMBERS. SHE ACTUALLY KNOCKED DOWN THE
RUSSIAN DRONE WITH A JAR OF PICKLED TOMATOES.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: WHICH MEANS I'VE
GOTTA UPDATE MY JOKES: PUTIN'S NEVER GOING TO KETCHUP
WHEN THE BEEFSTEAKS ARE THIS HIGH.
THERE'S MARI-NARY A CHANCE HE CAN STOP THE HEIR-LOOMING
INSURGENCY. IT'S TIME TO SHOW HIM THE
POMODOOR-O SO HE CAN BRUSCHETT-OUTTA THERE.
TOMATO, TOMAHTO, INVADO, INVAHDO, HE SHOULD JUST CALL THE
WHOLE WAR OFF. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
TONIGHT. MY GUESTS ARE JOHN C. REILLY
AND BROADWAY STAR KRISTIN CHENOWETH.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, "MEANWHILE"!
JOIN US. ♪ ♪ ♪
JOHN BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN, EVERYBODY. THERE YOU GO.
( APPLAUSE ) JIM, CAN WE GET A SHOT OF THAT?
HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY. THAT DOME, RIGHT THERE.
THOSE ARE ALL WOMEN. THOSE ARE-- THOSE ARE ALL
WONDERFUL WOMEN WHO WORK AT "THE LATE SHOW."
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR PUTTING THAT UP THERE.
THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL SHOT, BEAUTIFUL SHOT.
( APPLAUSE ) HERE, I HAVE THE CARDS, THE
QUESTIONS HERE FOR TWO EXTRAORDINARY GUESTS, JOHN C.
REILLY IS GOING TO BE OUT HERE IN JUST A MOMENT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). THE NEW ADAM McKAY THING, AND
AN ABSOLUTE BROADWAY TREASURE, NATIONAL TREASURE, JOHN F.
KENNEDY JR. IS GOING TO BE OUT HERE.
HOW DO YOU FIT THIS MUCH INTO ONE SHOW?
HOW DO WE DO IT? VOLUME.
FOLKS, I SPEND MOST OF MY TIME RIGHT OVER THERE, ASSEMBLING THE
DAY'S BIGGEST, MOST-IMPORTANT STORIES, THEN HAND-SHAPING THEM
INTO SLEEK, ELEGANT BODYWORK, WHICH I LINE WITH ONLY THE
FINEST, MOST TOPICAL POLISHED MACASSAR EBONY AND OPEN-PORE
PALDAO VENEER, ADDING LIGHT MOCCASIN AND DARK SPICE LEATHER
SEATS, AND MALABAR TEAK WOOD TO SET OFF A SCULPTED MINIMALIST
SWITCHGEAR, ACCOMPANIED BY A STERLING SILVER HUMIDOR AND
CHAMPAGNE CELLARETTE, THEN HAND-SET 1,600 FIBRE OPTIC
LIGHTS ALIGNED WITH PINPOINT PERFORATIONS IN THE ROOF-LINING,
TO CREATE FOR YOU THE BESPOKE COACH BUILT ROLLS-ROYCE SWEPTAIL
THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE. BUT SOMETIMES, SOMETIMES, FOLKS,
I JUST SHRIEK AWAKE IN THE SCRAPYARD OF A DERELICT MACHINE
SHOP, SCAVENGE THE 3.6-HORSEPOWER BRIGGS & STRATTON
LAWN MOWER ENGINE OFF AN OVERTURNED LAWNMOWER, BULLY A
DOG INTO GIVING ME ITS FRISBEE TO USE AS A STEERING WHEEL, THEN
I BRIEFLY CONSIDER-- BUT DECIDE AGAINST-- SWIPING THE BRAKE PADS
OFF AN UNATTENDED HEARSE, BECAUSE WHERE I'M GOING, I DON'T
NEED BRAKES. I HOOK IT ALL UP TO A RUSTY
DOLLAR TREE SHOPPING CART, SHOTGUN A WHITE CLAW, SPRAY
PAINT MY TEETH, AND BLAST OFF IN THE "FURY ROAD" THUG-BUGGY OF
NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT: "MEANWHILE"!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) MEANWHILE, A BOX OF HUMAN HEADS
WAS STOLEN IN DENVER. YET ANOTHER STORY STRAIGHT FROM
THE SMILE FILE. ♪ ♪ ♪
THE HEADS WERE DESTINED FOR SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH-- EVERYONE
KEEPS INSISTING-- AND THE C.E.O. OF THE COMPANY THAT WAS
SHIPPING THE HEADS SAYS, "THIS IS AN EXTREMELY RARE SITUATION."
DID YOU HEAR THAT? "RARE."
NOT UNPRECEDENTED. "WE LOST ANOTHER BOX OF HEADS,
GUYS. >> WHOEVER TOOK THEM COULD FACE
CHARGES AS WELL. >> THE THEFT OF A HUMAN HEAD IN
A BOX COULD BE A PETTY OFFENSE TO A FELONY IF THE VALUE OF A
HEAD IN TOTAL IS ABOVE $2,000. >> Stephen: WHO DOES THAT
APPRAISAL? I REALLY DON'T WANT TO SEE THAT
EPISODE OF REQUESTED ANTIQUES ROADSHOW."
"I GET THERE'S SENTIMENTAL VALUE, BUT I CAN'T HELP BUT
NOTICE A LITTLE WEAR AROUND THE NECK.
AND, OBVIOUSLY, IT WOULD HAVE MORE CACHET IF IT WAS STILL
PAIRED WITH ITS ORIGINAL BODY. DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR
GRANDMOTHER GOT IT?" AS OF NOW, THE HEADS ARE STILL
AT LARGE, AND AUTHORITIES SAY, "IF YOU FIND THE BOX OF HEADS
DISCARDED OR ABANDONED, YOU'RE ASKED TO CALL THE DENVER
POLICE." WELL, YEAH.
WHO FINDS A BOX OF HUMAN HEADS AND SAYS, "I DON'T SEE WHY THIS
NEEDS TO GO ANY FURTHER." MEANWHILE, DR. OZ HAS ACCUSED
HIS SISTER OF STEALING MILLIONS FROM HIM.
GOSH, DR. OZ, SOMEONE ABUSED YOUR TRUST FOR PROFIT?
THAT MUST FEEL AWFUL. YOU KNOW WHAT I HEAR CURES THAT
FEELING? GREEN COFFEE BEAN EXTRACT.
( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE...
( APPLAUSE ) KENTUCKY, EVERYONE IS FINE, BUT
THE BUFFALO TRACE DISTILLERY WAS EVACUATED AFTER WORKERS FOUND A
WORLD WAR II INCENDIARY BOMB, AND IT'S UNKNOWN HOW LONG THE
BOMB WAS THERE. IT'S GONNA BE HARD TO FIGURE OUT
BECAUSE OF ALL THE DIFFERENT MAJOR WORLD WAR II BATTLES THAT
WERE FOUGHT IN FRANKLIN COUNTY, KENTUCKY.
( LAUGHTER ) FAMILIAR WITH ROCKETS BEING
SHAPED LIKE PENISES. AND SOME ARE LOOKING TO BRING
EQUALITY TO THE SPACE, BECAUSE A GERMAN FEMINIST ART GROUP HAS
REVEALED A VULVA-SHAPED SPACESHIP CONCEPT.
( APPLAUSE ) UNFORTUNATELY, MANY MALE
ASTRONAUTS ARE STILL HAVING TROUBLE FINDING THE CONTROLS.
( LAUGHTER ) JUST ASK, GUYS!
JUST ASK. COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY!
MEANWHILE, A DINOSAUR FOSSIL DISCOVERY MAY BE THE OLDEST
STEGOSAUR EVER FOUND. AND IF CBS' DEMOGRAPHIC RESEARCH
IS ACCURATE, THAT STEGOSAURUS IS WATCHING THIS TELEVISION SHOW
RIGHT NOW. THANKS FOR STAYING UP, STEGGY.
MEANWHILE, A CANADIAN MOVIE THEATER WITH 13 SEATS HAS BEEN
OFFICIALLY NAMED THE WORLD'S SMALLEST CINEMA.
AND YET, THEY STILL COULDN'T FILL IT FOR ONE SCREENING OF
"THE LAST DUEL." ( LAUGHTER )
MAINE, A COUNTY COURTHOUSE WILL
SOON "HAVE A DEDICATED COURTHOUSE THERAPY DOG, MEANT TO
BE A CALMING PRESENCE IN A STRESSFUL ENVIRONMENT.
AND I HOPE IT WORKS OUT BETTER THAN MAINE'S LAST IDEA: THE
COURTHOUSE COMFORT CLOWN. ( LAUGHTER )
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JOHN C. REILLY.
NONE OF YOU SAW IT!
CAN'T WAIT. I CANNOT WAIT.
WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY! I'M GLAD YOU WERE HERE TO SEE
THAT. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY FIRST
GUEST HAS STARRED IN SOME OF YOUR FAVORITE MOVIES, INCLUDING
"BOOGIE NIGHTS," "CHICAGO," AND "STEP BROTHERS."
HE NOW PLAYS THE MAN WHO CREATED THE N.B.A.'S SHOWTIME LAKERS IN
THE NEW HBO SERIES "WINNING TIME: THE RISE OF THE LAKERS
DYNASTY." PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE
SHOW," JOHN C. REILLY! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
YOU'RE FUNNY, MAN. >> Stephen: GOOD STUFF.
HEY, THANKS FOR BEING BACK. NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
>> IT'S A PLEASURE TO BE HERE, STEPHEN.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVEN'T BEEN HERE SINCE 2018.
>> BEFORE THE GREAT PLAGUE. >> Stephen: SOMETHING I SAID?
SOMETHING I DID? DID I UPSET YOU?
>> I WAS WATCHING YOU AT HOME, AT YOUR DESK AT HOME FOR A WHILE
THERE, AND NOW WE'RE ALL LUCKY TO BE HERE TOGETHER.
>> Stephen: ISN'T THIS LOVELY? PLOFL PEOPLE.
( APPLAUSE ) GOT EVIDENTLY AN OSCAR SEASON
THIS YEAR, AND YOU'VE GOT A REAL SHOT THIS YEAR.
THERE'S A LOT OF BUZZ. >> I HAVE BEEN CAMPAIGNING FOR
THE OSCARS. I AM IN AN OSCAR-NOMINTED
PICTURE THIS YEAR. "LICORICE PIZZA."
>> Stephen: YOU DID NOT NECESSARILY REMEMBER YOU HAVING
A BIG PART IN THAT. >> YOU MIGHT HAVE BLINKED DURING
MY SCENE. IT WAS LITERALLY THAT FAST.
I PLAY HERMAN MUNSTER IN "LICORICE PIZZA."
AND THIS IS THE EVIDENCE. >> Stephen: THERE YOU GO.
>> THERE I AM. >> Stephen: HOW LONG ARE YOU
ON SCREEN? >> THE CAMERA PASSES BY ME
QUICKLY. BUT I THINK CAMEOS SHOULD BE
HONORED BY THE ACADEMY. >> Stephen: SURE.
OUTSTANDING ACHIEVEMENT IN CAMEO.
>> CAMEO, BUT ALSO MAKEUP. >> Stephen: DID YOU-- HOW LONG
DID IT TAKE TO GET INTO THIS SITUATION HERE?
>> WELL, IT'S INTERESTING, BECAUSE "LICORICE PIZZA" WAS
SHOT DURING THE LOCKDOWN. AND ONE OF THE THINGS PAUL
ANDERSON DID WAS SAY WE'RE GOING TO HAVE THE ACTORS HAVE THEIR
COSTUMES AT HOME, THEY'LL DO THEIR OWN HAIR AND MAKEUP AND
COME IN. AND THEY DON'T HAVE TO MESS WITH
THE OUTER CIRCLES OF CONTAMINATION.
JOHN, I WANT YOU TO PLAY HERMAN MUNSTER."
I SAID, "OKAY, COOL." ", WE'RE ALL DOING OUR OWN
MAKEUP." "THAT'S A LOT.
I'M NOT A PROFESSIONAL." "IT'S FINE.
IF IT LOOKS CHEESY, IT'S FINE. IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE HOMEMADE,
ANYWAY." I WAS IN A BLIND PANIC FOR A
BLINK AND YOU NIS PART. I HAVE A FRACKEN STEIN THING AND
CUT IT OUT AND PUT IT ON MY HEAD AND THE GREEN MAKEPUP AND I
COULDN'T GET THE BACK OF NIGH NECK IN THESE OTHER PLACES.
AND PAUL'S KIDS HELPED ME. PAUL'S LITTLE CHILDREN-- YES--
THERE THEY ARE. IDA, JACK, AND LUCY, ALL HELPING
ME WITH MY MAKEUP, GETTING THE SPOTS I COULDN'T GET IN THE BACK
AND EVERYTHING. ANYWAY, IT WAS ADORABLE.
>> Stephen: THAT IS ADORABLE. THAT'S NICE.
( APPLAUSE ) >> I HOPE THE ACADEMY HONORS
THAT. >> Stephen: YOU'RE NOW
STARRING IN THE HBO SERIES "WINNING TIME," AND YOU PLAY
JERRY BUSS WHO BOUGHT THE LAKERS AND KIND OF CHANGED THE N.B.A.
FOR THE PEOPLE WHO DIDN'T FOLLOW WHAT AN IMPACT THAT WAS, EXPLAIN
TO THEM WHAT GER DE. >> HE NOT ONLY CHANGEDLY THE
N.B.A. HE CHANGED THE WHOLE WORLD OF
ENTERTAINMENT. IF YOU LOOK AT PROFESSIONAL
SPORTS NOW, YOU KNOW, LIKE, JERRY BROUGHT CHEERLEADERS TO
PROFESSIONAL BASKETBALL GAMES. >> Stephen: LAKERS GIRLS.
>> YEAH, DIDN'T EXIST BEFORE THAT.
I MEAN, BASICALLY, BEFORE JERRY GOT INVOLVED IN THE GAME IT WAS
LIKE EVERYONE THOUGHT IT WAS AN ATHLETIC EVENT, LIKE IT WAS
ABOUT REBOUNDS AND STRAPS OR SOMETHING, AND HE WAS LIKE, "NO,
IT'S ABOUT ENTERTAINMENT! AND WHEN PEOPLE COME HERE WE
WANT THEM TO BE HAPPY AND WE'RE GOING TO HAVE MUSIC, AND WE'RE
GOG HAVE DANCERS." YOU KNOW, EVEN SOMETHING AS
SIMPLE AS BEING IN DEBT TO THE GREAT WESTERN BANK, HE'S LIKE,
I'LL NAME THE STADIUM AFTER YOU. HOW ABOUT THAT?"
HE WAS THE FIRST GUY TO DO THAT. >> Stephen: HE CHANGED THAT.
>> YEAH, AND ALL THESE THINGS NAMED AFTER COMPANIES, HE WAS
THE FIRST ONE TO DO IT. ANYWAY, HE CREATED KIND OF
STADIUM ENTERTAINMENT IN 1979. WHICH, AT THE TIME, BASKETBALL
WAS BEING BEAT IN THE TELEVISION RATINGS BY GOLF AND BOWLING.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: WOW.
HERE YOU ARE AS JERRY BUSS. THERE YOU ARE RIGHT THERE.
WITH THE ACTOR PLAYING MAGIC JOHNSON RIGHT THERE.
>> QUINCY ISAIAH. >> Stephen: QUINCY ISAIAH.
I HAVE TO ASK YOU SOMETHING-- CAN WE PUT THAT BACK UP THERE
ONE MORE TIME, PLEASE, JIM. HERE ARE YOU RIGHT THERE.
OBVIOUSLY, EVERYONE KNOWS THAT TOM CRUISE DOES HIS OWN STUNTS.
DO YOU DO YOUR OWN COMB-OVER? >> OH, WELL, I HAD SOME VERY
TALENTED PEOPLE HELPING ME WITH MY COMB-OVER.
BUT JERRY DID HIS OWN COMB-OVER. >> Stephen: YEAH.
>> HE HAD, APPARENTLY, A CASE OF AQUANET AT HOME AT ALL TIMES.
AND YOU'LL SEE IT IN THE SHOW. I THINK LATER IN THE EPISODES,
YOU SEE HE DO IT. I SHOW HOW HE DID IT.
BUT, YOU KNOW, WHEN WE SHOT THE PILOT, MY HAIR WAS NOT THAT
LONG, AND I DIDN'T HAVE A MUSTACHE.
SO WE JUST MADE THIS LITTLE PIECE, AND I PUT A FAKE IN STASH
ON. THEN CORONA HIT AND WE HAD THIS
LONG BREAK, AND BY THE TIME WE GOT BACK SOT SEASON, MY HAIR WAS
PANDEMIC HAIR: "HELLO, HONE, WHAT'S FOR BREAKFAST?"
AND I GREW A MUR STASH, AND I WENT IN FOR THE FITTING.
AND THEY WERE LIKE, HERE'S THE WIG."
AND I WAS LIKE, "GUYS, I MIGHT BE CRAZY HERE, BUT I THINK I GOT
THIS. GIVE ME THAT BRUSH!"
AND I BRUSQUED IT UP AND BRUSHED IT OVER AND PULLED IT ACROSS AND
I WAS LIKE, I DON'T NEED A WIG! I HAVE AN ACTUAL COMB-OVER.
GLCHMENT HOW DID IT FEEL? >> IT FELT GREAT.
YOU CAN SEE I'M LOSE SOMETHING REAL ESTATE UP FRONT.
I'M NOT GOING TO TRY TO HIDE THAT-- OR AS MUCH AS I CAN.
I LIKE HATS. ( LAUGHTER )
THERE'S A REASON PEOPLE DO THIS. LIKE, WHEN YOU LOOK AT IT FROM
THE FRONT, IT'S ALL GOOD! ( LAUGHTER )
YOUR HAIR UP. >> Stephen: SURE.
>> THEY'LL NEVER KNOW. >> Stephen: THIS CAMERA, THIS
CAMERA'S GOT THE ANGLE. WE HAVE A CLIP.
DO YOU WANT TO SET UP WHAT'S HAPPENING IN THE CLIP?
>> YEAH. SO EVERYONE IS CONSTANTLY
UNDERESTIMATING JERRY AT THE BEGINNING, AND HE'S SORT OF
SAYING, LISTEN, I'LL GIVE YOU WHAT YOU NEED BUT LEAVE THE REST
TO ME," AND I MAKE A PRETTY CHOICE COMMENT HERE AT THE END
OF OUR LITTLE DISCUSSION WHICH YOU'LL SEE.
>> Stephen: OKAY, JIM. >> YOU'RE A BUSINESSMAN.
YOU ALL WANT PEE FROM A TREE BUT WHEN YOU SEE THE PRIZE, YOUR
SPHINCTER PUCKERS. LAIS THERE LAST YEAR'S BUDGET?
>> WE'RE STILL WORKING ON THE NEW ONE.
>> WELL, DON'T BOTHER. JERRY, I TOLD YOU WHEN WE
DRAFTED JOHNSON, ALL THE OTHER BASKETBALL WAS UP TO YOU.
AND I WILL GIVE YOU WHATEVER YOU NEED.
NOW TAKE THE WEEK AND COME BACK TO ME ABOUT WHAT THAT IS.
IN THE MEANTIME-- >> MARIA.
>> YOU LEAVE THE PRICE TAG AND MY BEAUTIFUL SPHINCTER, UP TO
ME. >> THERE YOU GO.
>> Stephen: BEAUTIFUL. REALLY-- REALLY ROLLS OFF THE
TONGUE. >> THAT GESTURE IS WHAT REALLY
CITIZEN. >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A
QUICK BREAK. STICK AROUND, AND WHEN WE COME
BACK, I'LL ASK JOHN IF HE EVER PLAYED BALL, WHAT ARE HIS BONA
FIDES.
WE'RE BACK HERE WITH AMERICA'S SWEETHEART, JOHN C. REILLY.
HAS THIS CHANGED HOW YOU WATCH BASKETBALL NOW THAT YOU SORT OF
HAVE BEEN PROFESSIONALLY INSIDE THE MIND OF AN OWNER?
>> UH, WELL, YOU KNOW, THIS GUY'S STORY IS INCREDIBLE.
AND WHEN I WAS OFFERED THIS PART, I REALIZED, LIKE, THIS IS
ONE OF THE GREATEST AMERICANS I'VE EVER READ ABOUT.
THE GUY STARTED OUT IN RURAL WYOMING IN THE DEPRESSION WITH A
SINGLE MOTHER, AND HE ENDED UP BECOMING, LIKE THE KING OF L.A.
ALONG THE WAY, GOT-- WENT TO COLLEGE IN WYOMING, GOT A
MASTER'S AND A DOCTORATE IN PHYSICAL CHEMISTRY, WORKED FOR
THE AERONAUTICS INDUSTRY DESIGNING ROCKET TRAJECTORIES
FOR THE GOVERNMENT, STARTED TO TEACH CHEMISTRY AT U.S.C., AS A
PROFESSOR. THEN AMASSED THIS REAL ESTATE
PROFILE WHEN HE REALIZED, LIKE, I WANT TO MAKE MORE MONEY THAN A
PROFESSOR. AND HE TRADED-- HE TRADED-- HE
PAID HALF IN CASH AND HALF IN LAND DEEDS FOR THE LAKE WHERS HE
BOUGHT THEM, INCLUDING THE CHRYSLER BUILDING.
HE, LIKE, SLID THAT ACROSS THE TABLE.
AND THEN, THE FIRST SEASON-- I MEAN, SPOILER ALERT-- THE
FIRST-- IT'S IN THE BOOK. YOU KNOW.
( LAUGHTER ) HE NEEDED TO DOUBLE ATTENDANCE
AT THE GAMES TO BREAK EVEN AT THE END OF THE SEASON.
BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, BASKETBALL WAS REALLY DOING LOUSY.
AND HE NOT ONLY DOUBLED ATTENDANCE.
HE GO INTO THE PLAY-OFFS AND-- WELL, I WON'T SAY THE LAST
PART-- BUT INCREDIBLY, HE PULLED IT OFF.
INCREDIBLY. >> Stephen: THEY WON A FEW
GAMES. >> YES, THEY WON A FEW GAMES.
>> Stephen: THEY WON A FEW GAMES.
( APPLAUSE ) GAMES NOW AND REALIZE, WOW,
THERE'S A LOT GOING ON AND THERE'S A LOT OF MONEY AT STAKE.
>> Stephen: THE STORY INVOLVES A REVOLVING DOOR OF A LOT OF
DIFFERENT COACHES. >> YES.
>> Stephen: THAT COME IN. DID YOU PLAY BALL?"
>> NO. I'VE BEEN CALLED A WASTE OF
HEIGHT. MARK WAHLBERG CALLED ME A WASTE
OF HEIGHT. >> Stephen: DID YOU EVER
COACH? >> NO, I NEVER COACHED.
BUT WHEN MY BOYS WERE IN LITTLE LEAGUE, I WAS ANNOUNCER.
>> Stephen: YOU CAN GIVE US A TASTE.
>> THE ANNOUNCER-- I MADE A WHOLE FAKE PERSONALITY.
HE WAS EARNIE BELLAVOCEE. WELCOME TO-- WHATEVER IT IS.
AND I HAD THIS WHOLE FAKE VOICE. I HAD ORGAN HITS THEY WOULD
PLAY-- ♪ DU-DU-DU-DU♪
THERE YOU GO. AND I WOULD ALWAYS SAY, OR
ORGANIST, NANCY HIDELEBERG IS 93 YEARS OLD TODAY.
BIG HAND FOR NANCY HIDELEBERG. AND I WOULD MAKE UP COMMERCIALS,
THE SIXTH INNING IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY STEEL BARRIERS ATHLETIC
PROTECTORS. YOU'RE NOT SAFE UNLESS YOU HAVE
STEVE BARRIERS." ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: QUALITY. >> I WOULD SAY, LIKE, "THE
FOURTH INNING IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY YOUR HOMEWORK.
YOU HAVE DONE IT LATELY?" AND I WOULD ANNOUNCE, LIKE,
BLEED MARY DRINK SPECIALS TSNACK SHARK AND, OF COURSE WE DIDN'T
HAVE. >> Stephen: IT BEING A LITTLE
LEAGUE GAME. >> BUT THE PARENTS WOULD BE
LIKE, WHAT? 50 CENTS?
THIS GAME JUST GOT A LOT MORE FUN.
>> Stephen: JOHN C. REILLY, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING
HERE. >> THANK YOU, STEPHEN, IT'S A
PLEASURE. >> Stephen: LOVELY TO HAVE YOU
AGAIN. >> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: "WINNING TIME: THE RISE OF THE LAKERS DYNASTY" AIRS
SUNDAY NIGHTS ON HBO. IT'S JOHN C. REILLY, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH KRISTIN CHENOWETH.
WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY, TO "THE LATE SHOW."
FOLKS, MY NEXT GUEST IS A TONY AND EMMY AWARD-WINNING ACTOR,
SINGER AND BROADWAY STAR TRIPLE THREAT.
PLEASE WELCOME KRISTIN CHENOWETH!
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: YES. THAT IS THE BEST BAND.
>> WHAT A GREAT AUDIENCE. >> Stephen: ISN'T IT LOVELY TO
BE IN FRONT OF A LIVE ODD YENESS.
>> OH, IT'S LIKE WATER IN A DESERT.
>> Stephen: PEOPLE MAY NOT KNOW THIS, YOU AND I FIRST MET--
WE WERE BOTH IN THIS MOVIE CALLED-- "BEWITCHED" IN 2005.
I SPENT I THINK 52 DAYS, AND I APPEAR IN 45 SECONDS IN THIS
MOVIE. BUT I JUST REMEMBER YOU WERE SO
LOVELY TO HANG OUT WITH. YOU WERE SUCH A LOVELY PRESENCE,
AND SO NICE TO ME. >> WELL, YOU DID YOU HAVE ANY
LINES? BECAUSE I DON'T THINK YOU DID.
LAUGH. >> Stephen: I THINK I HAD TWO.
I THINK I HAD TWO LINES. >> WHAT WERE THEY?
"YES? NO?"
>> Stephen: MAYBE-- I THINK I SAY-- I I THINK I SAY TO THE
SAMANTHA CHARACTER, I THINK I SAY, "WE CHANGED YOUR LINE."
BECAUSE I PLAY ONE OF THE WRITERS ON THE TV SERIES
"BEWITCHED." >> SO I HAVE A STORY, I DON'T
KNOW IF YOU REMEMBER, BUT I WANT TO TELL IT BECAUSE THIS IS THE
MAN THAT HE IS. ON THE SET, I'M A FAMOUS GUM
CHEWER-- THIS IS EMBARRASSING-- I CHEW WITH MY MOUTH OPEN.
AND NORAH YELLS-- YOU KNOW, ," PLACES."
>> Stephen: THIS IS NORAH EPHRON.
>> "ROLLING." >> I'M SMACKING AWAY.
AND HE GOES, "GUM." AND I SAID, WHAT DID YOU DO?"
AND HE SAID, "GIVE IT TO ME. GIVE IT TO ME."
AND I WENT... AND HE TOOK IT. >> Stephen: ANY TIME YOU NEED
I'M THERE. YOU CALL ME.
I'LL TAKE YOUR GUM. >> IT WAS THE SWEETEST THING.
I'M NOT DONE. THE ONLY AUDIENCE I'VE HAD IS MY
DOG. WHAT I WANT TO TELL YOU NEXT IS
A FEW YEARS LATER WE'RE ON THE RED CARPET AND YOU AND YOUR
WIFE. >> Stephen: EVIE.
>> I LIKE HER A LOT. >> Stephen: I DO, TOO.
>> I'M LIKE, HI, Y'ALL, HI. AND I'M PROBABLY GOING... AND HE
GOES, "SO, I MIGHT BE GETTING MY OWN SHOW."
AND I SAID, "OH, THAT'S SO SWEET.
GOOD LUCK." HERE WE ARE.
I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU! >> Stephen: THANK YOU VERY
MUCH THANK YOU. >> YOU DESERVE IT.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
>> YOU DESERVE IT SCBLU CLEARLY >> Stephen: YOU CLEARLY LOVE
BEING IN FRONT OF AN AUDIENCE. >> I HATE IT.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE A BROADWAY STARK YOU TOUR, YOU HAVE A
MASTERS IN OPERA PERFORMANCE. WHAT WAS IT LIKE BEING AWAY FROM
AN AUDIENCE FOR TWO YEARS? WHAT WERE YOU DOING SINGING TO
THE DOG? >> I WAS SINGING TO MY DOG,
THUNDER. >> Stephen: THUNDER.
>> AFTER THE N.B.A. KEVIN DURANT, I HOPE YOU'RE
HAPPY. ANYWAY, I FOUND MYSELF USING
CLOROX AND CLEANING AND DOING HIGH NOTES, JUST LIKE CLEAN AND
HIGH NOTE. JUST CLEAN AND HIGH NOTE.
AND MY FIANCE WAS LIKE, "YOU SHOULD DO THIS ON TIKTOK.
AND I WAS LIKE, "WHAT IT TIKTOK?"
HE'S YOUNGER THAN ME. ANYWAY, HE'S TAUGHT ME A LOT.
HE SAID, "LET'S DO THE HIGH NOTES."
SO I STARTED DOING -- >> Stephen: HOW HIGH ARE WE
TALKING HERE? >> REALLY?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) REALLY.
>> I THINK JON BATISTE DESERVES A HIGH NOTE.
GIVE ME A "D," A HIGH "D." AAAAAAAH!
I THINK YOUR AUDIENCE DESERVES A HIGH "D."
THAT'S ONE UP FROM A HIGH "C"? OOOOOOOHHH!
I THINK-- STEPHEN COLBERT DESERVES ONE HALF STEP UP.
GIVE ME THE E-PLUS. OOOOOOOOH!
( APPLAUSE ). GLAD I ALREADY HAD MY CHILDREN.
I THINK YOU JUST STERILIZED ME WITH THE POWER OF THAT NOTE.
WHEN IS IT APPROPRIATE-- WHEN IS IT APPROPRIATE TO POP OUT ONE
NOTE? >> ALL THE TIME.
I FEEL AS IF IT'S ALL THE TIME. >> Stephen: IT DOESN'T SCARE--
IT DOESN'T FRIGHTEN THE CHILDREN IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD?
>> IT SCARES EVERYONE. ONE TIME-- THEY SAY TRUE STORY
AND I KNOW YOU KNOW ME. BUT I WAS IN CVS WITH MY MASK
ON, AND Y'ALL ARE ALL HERE WITH YOUR MASKS ON.
THANK YOU. BUT I COULD NOT BREATHE, AND I
COULDN'T FIND MY ONE LASH TO DRESS UP FOR MYSELF.
AND I THOUGHT, I DESERVE THE HIGH NOTE.
AND MY FIANCE IS LIKE, IN CVS, MUST YOU?
MUST YOU DO IT?" I HOPE HE SIGNS THE PREUP IN.
JOSH, I LOVE YOU. ( APPLAUSE ).
YOU ORIGINATED, OF COURSE, AS EVERYONE KNOWS, THE ROLE OF
GLINDA IN "WICKED." ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THEY'RE MAKE A MOVIE WITH ARIANA GRANDE PLAYING YOUR PART.
AND I UNDERSTAND YOU HAVE KNOWN ARIANA SINCE SHE WAS LITTLE.
>> 10 YEARS OLD. SHE CAME TO SEE "WICKED" WITH
HER GRANDMA. AND SHE SAID, I WANT TO BE YOU."
AND I THOUGHT, AGAIN, LIE I DID WITH YOU, "THAT'S SO SWEET.
THAT'S SO SWEET." AND NONA SAYS, "ARIANA SING FOR
HER." AND SHE DOESN'T REMEMBER THIS,
BUT I REMEMBER IT, AND SHOO SANG SOMETHING.
I GAVE HER HAND SOAP. I GAVE HER A FAKE WAND.
AND HERE WE SIT, ALL THESE YEARS LATER, I'VE KNOWN FOR A WHILE,
AND I FEEL LIKE THE FULL CIRCLE MOMENT IS HAPPENING.
AND THE RIGHT PERSON IS GOING TO BE...
HANDING THE CROWN AND THE WAND, AND I'M SO HAPPY.
>> Stephen: HAVE YOU GIVEN HER ANY ADVICE?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ROLE, I SAID, "I KNOW EVERYTHING
THERE IS TO KNOW ABOUT GLINDA, SO THERE'S NOTHING I CAN TELL
YOU THAT YOU WON'T LEARN ON YOUR OWN."
AND TWO DAYS AGO SHE TEXTED ME SOMETHING I WILL NOT SAY.
AND SHE SAID, "DID YOU KNOW THIS ABOUT GLINDA?"
AND I SAID, "NO!" SO THE TEACHER BECOMING THE
STUDENT AGAIN. >> Stephen: THAT'S LOVELY.
>> AND I LOVE THAT. I LOVE IT.
>> Stephen: THIS IS ANOTHER LOVELY THING.
YOU HAVE NOW WRITTEN A NEW CHILDREN'S BOOK.
IT'S CALLED "WHAT WILL I DO WITH MY LOVE TODAY?" WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
>> IT'S ABOUT ME AND THUNDER PUP IN NEW YORK.
I WAS MUCH YOUNGER, SAME HEIGHT. >> Stephen: YOU WERE MUCH
YOUNGER WHEN YOU WERE A CHILD. >> EXACTLY.
BUT I WAS-- I'M AN ADOPTED PERSON.
AND I RESCUED BY DOG, THUNDER. SO IT'S ABOUT HOW WE RESCUE EACH
OTHER. AND THAT WE MIGHT NOT ALL LOOK
THE SAME FAMILIES, AND TALK THE SAME-- MY PARENTS ARE ENGINEERS
AND SHOULDN'T EVER SING, EVER, SHOULD THEY EVER SING, AND I
DON'T DO MATH. BUT THE BOOK IS ABOUT FAMILY AND
LOVE AND THE MORE LOVE YOU PUT OUT, THE MORE YOU GET BACK.
>> Stephen: A LESSON WE COULD ALL TAKE TO HEART.
ESPECIALLY NOW. >> Stephen: KRISTIN, SO LOVELY
TO SIGH. THANK YOU FOR THE HIGH NOTES.
>> ALWAYS. >> Stephen: HER CHILDREN'S BOOK,
"WHAT WILL I DO WITH MY LOVE TODAY?" IS AVAILABLE NOW.
KRISTIN CHENOWETH, EVERYBODY! WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
>> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW."
TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS WILL BE FORMER U.S. AMBASSADOR
TO RUSSIA, MICHAEL McFAUL, AND BROADWAY STAR DENEE BENTON.
JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT. GOOD NIGHT!