1
00:00:02,001 --> 00:00:06,072
>> YOU'VE JUST WATCHED THE STATE
OF THE UNION, BUT YOU WANT MORE?
2
00:00:06,139 --> 00:00:09,943
INTRODUCING, NEW FROM HASBRO,
THE STATE OF THE UNION PLAY SET.
3
00:00:10,009 --> 00:00:11,678
>> AWESOME!
4
00:00:11,745 --> 00:00:13,580
>> NOW, YOU CAN RELIVE ALL YOUR
FAVORITE MOMENTS FROM THE STATE
5
00:00:13,646 --> 00:00:16,216
OF THE UNION.
6
00:00:16,282 --> 00:00:17,584
>> I NOMINATE JUDGE KETANJI
BROWN JACKSON.
7
00:00:17,650 --> 00:00:20,286
>> YAY!
8
00:00:20,353 --> 00:00:21,688
>> BOOO!
9
00:00:21,755 --> 00:00:23,823
SHE'S A COMMUNIST!
10
00:00:23,890 --> 00:00:31,765
>> WITH COLLECTIBLE ELECTABLES,
JOE BIDEN, KAMALA HARRIS, BERNIE
11
00:00:31,831 --> 00:00:34,067
SANDERS, MITCH McCCONNELL,
NANCY PELOSI WITH BATTLE GAVEL,
12
00:00:34,134 --> 00:00:36,269
AND TED CRUZ WITH EMERGENCY
CANCUN GETAWAY KIT.
13
00:00:36,336 --> 00:00:39,105
>> WE MUST STAND UP TO
DICTATORS.
14
00:00:39,172 --> 00:00:41,808
>> I MISS MY DICTATOR.
15
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:45,278
>> AND COMING NEXT FROM HASBRO,
THE REPUBLICAN RESPONSE PLAY
16
00:00:45,345 --> 00:00:47,380
SET, FEATURING...
17
00:00:47,447 --> 00:00:48,581
UH, WE'RE NOT ENTIRELY SURE.
18
00:00:51,317 --> 00:00:56,890
>> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE
SHOW LIVE WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
19
00:00:56,956 --> 00:01:00,527
TONIGHT, STATUS JOE.
20
00:01:00,593 --> 00:01:05,865
PLUS STEPHEN WELCOMES LIVE:
BERNIE SANDERS
21
00:01:05,932 --> 00:01:13,573
AND MUSICAL GUEST BIG THIEF
FEATURING LIVE JON BATISTE AND
22
00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:17,944
STAY HUMAN.
23
00:01:18,011 --> 00:01:21,014
AND NOW LIVE FROM THE ED
SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK
24
00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:22,715
CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
25
00:01:22,782 --> 00:01:29,355
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪ ♪ ♪
26
00:01:29,422 --> 00:01:44,304
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: GOOD TO SEE YOU
27
00:01:44,370 --> 00:01:45,438
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: GOOD TO SEE YOU
28
00:01:45,505 --> 00:01:48,308
WHAT'S GOING ON?
29
00:01:48,374 --> 00:01:51,144
HAPPY TUESDAY!
30
00:01:51,211 --> 00:01:52,378
HELLO, CHRISTOPHER.
31
00:01:52,445 --> 00:01:54,347
HELLO, PAUL.
32
00:01:54,414 --> 00:01:55,114
HEY, EVERYBODY.
33
00:01:55,181 --> 00:02:09,596
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪ ♪ ♪
34
00:02:09,662 --> 00:02:11,431
>> Stephen: DANG, DANG, IT
FEELS GOOD TO BE LIVE!
35
00:02:11,498 --> 00:02:13,366
RIGHT THERE.
36
00:02:13,433 --> 00:02:14,000
WELCOME, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
37
00:02:14,067 --> 00:02:14,567
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
38
00:02:14,634 --> 00:02:15,068
>> Audience: STEPHEN!
39
00:02:15,134 --> 00:02:16,035
STEPHEN!
40
00:02:16,102 --> 00:02:18,204
STEPHEN!
41
00:02:18,271 --> 00:02:19,138
>> Stephen: COME ON.
42
00:02:19,205 --> 00:02:19,906
THAT'S A LIVE CROWD RIGHT THERE.
43
00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:25,445
>> JON: YEAH!p>> Stephen: THANK.
44
00:02:25,512 --> 00:02:26,679
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
PLEASE HAVE A SEAT EVERYBODY.
45
00:02:26,746 --> 00:02:27,747
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
46
00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:29,516
WELCOME, ONE AND ALL-- LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE.
47
00:02:29,582 --> 00:02:31,718
WOOO!
48
00:02:31,784 --> 00:02:33,186
WELCOME, ONE AND ALL TO "THE
LATE SHOW."
49
00:02:33,253 --> 00:02:34,554
I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
50
00:02:34,621 --> 00:02:40,126
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
AS YOU CAN SEE RIGHT THERE, THAT
51
00:02:40,193 --> 00:02:43,530
MEANS LEGALLY WE ARE LIVE AFTER
JOE BIDEN'S FIRST OFFICIAL STATE
52
00:02:43,596 --> 00:02:47,467
OF THE UNION ADDRESS.
53
00:02:47,534 --> 00:02:55,575
AND LET ME TELL
YOU LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IT WAS
54
00:02:55,642 --> 00:02:57,443
A ROLLER-COASTER RIDE OF
RIP-ROARING REASONABLENESS.
55
00:02:57,510 --> 00:02:58,711
KEEP IN MIND, A WEEK AGO, THIS
WAS GOING TO BE A TOTALLY
56
00:02:58,778 --> 00:02:59,812
DIFFERENT SPEECH.
57
00:02:59,879 --> 00:03:03,583
BUT WHEN UKRAINE WAS INVADED,
THE WHOLE WORLD CHANGED.
58
00:03:03,650 --> 00:03:05,285
BECAUSE RIGHT NOW, THERE IS A
DICTATOR WHO THINKS HE CAN
59
00:03:05,351 --> 00:03:08,254
VIOLENTLY CONQUER A SOVEREIGN
DEMOCRACY, BUT JOE BIDEN BEAT
60
00:03:08,321 --> 00:03:09,989
HIM IN THE LAST ELECTION.
61
00:03:10,056 --> 00:03:12,692
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: WHOA!
62
00:03:12,759 --> 00:03:16,162
WHOA!
63
00:03:16,229 --> 00:03:17,664
>> Stephen: OH!
64
00:03:17,730 --> 00:03:20,733
>> Jon: WHOA!
65
00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:26,239
>> Stephen: AND NOW THE WORLD IS
FACING ANOTHER ONE WHO IS
66
00:03:26,306 --> 00:03:30,677
ROLLING TANKS INTO UKRAINE.
67
00:03:30,743 --> 00:03:31,911
MANY LAWMAKERS WORE THE COLORS
OF THE UKRAINIAN FLAG, BLUE AND
68
00:03:31,978 --> 00:03:33,112
YELLOW.
69
00:03:33,179 --> 00:03:33,513
IT'S A SHOW OF SOLIDARITY NOT
SEEN SINCE THE LAST "MINIONS"
70
00:03:33,580 --> 00:03:34,480
MOVIE.
71
00:03:34,547 --> 00:03:38,551
( LAUGHTER )
AND BIDEN GOT RIGHT TO THE TOPIC
72
00:03:38,618 --> 00:03:41,854
ON EVERYONE'S MIND: VLADIMIR
PUTIN'S INVASION OF UKRAINE.
73
00:03:41,921 --> 00:03:43,590
>> HE THOUGHT HE COULD ROLL INTO
UKRAINE AND THE WORLD WOULD ROLL
74
00:03:43,656 --> 00:03:48,728
OVER.
75
00:03:48,795 --> 00:03:49,996
INSTEAD, HE MET WITH A WALL OF
STRENGTH HE NEVER ANTICIPATED OR
76
00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:51,197
IMAGINED.
77
00:03:51,264 --> 00:03:53,866
>> Stephen: YES, HE RAN INTO A
WALL OF STRENGTH, WHICH IS WHY
78
00:03:53,933 --> 00:03:56,436
WE MUST KEEP VLADIMIR PUTIN FROM
ACQUIRING WEAPONS OF MASS
79
00:03:56,502 --> 00:03:57,470
KOOL-AID.
80
00:03:57,537 --> 00:04:08,848
( LAUGHTER )
OH, YEAH!
81
00:04:08,915 --> 00:04:10,216
THEN, THE PRESIDENT OF THE
UNITED STATES CALLED FOR A
82
00:04:10,283 --> 00:04:11,484
SYMBOLIC GESTURE FROM ALL THOSE
PRESENT:
83
00:04:11,551 --> 00:04:13,252
>> LET EACH OF US, IF YOU'RE
ABLE TO STAND, STAND AND SEND AN
84
00:04:13,319 --> 00:04:16,889
UNMISTAKABLE SIGNAL TO THE WORLD
FOR UKRAINE.
85
00:04:16,956 --> 00:04:31,838
( APPLAUSE )
( APPLAUSE )
86
00:04:31,904 --> 00:04:33,706
( APPLAUSE )
( APPLAUSE )
87
00:04:35,041 --> 00:04:40,079
OVER THIS WEEKEND.
88
00:04:40,146 --> 00:04:43,383
OVER THE WEEKEND, BIDEN AND OUR
ALLIES IMPOSED CRIPPLING
89
00:04:43,449 --> 00:04:45,685
FINANCIAL SANCTIONS ON RUSSIA.
90
00:04:45,752 --> 00:04:48,054
AND TONIGHT, BIDEN ADDED A
MEASURE AIMED DIRECTLY AT
91
00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:51,791
PUTIN'S BUDDIES:
>> THE UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT
92
00:04:51,858 --> 00:04:55,028
OF JUSTICE IS ASSEMBLING A
DEDICATED TASK FORCE TO GO AFTER
93
00:04:55,094 --> 00:04:58,698
THE CRIMES OF THE RUSSIAN
OLIGARCHS.
94
00:04:58,765 --> 00:05:01,467
WE ARE JOINING WITH OUR EUROPEAN
ALLIES TO FIND AND SEIZE THEIR
95
00:05:01,534 --> 00:05:02,769
YACHTS, THEIR LUXURY APARTMENTS,
THEIR PRIVATE JETS.
96
00:05:02,835 --> 00:05:07,173
( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: WOO!
97
00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:13,980
NOW SEIZE BEZOS' PENIS ROCKET
AND THAT STUPID COWBOY HAT!
98
00:05:14,047 --> 00:05:14,347
WOOO!
99
00:05:14,414 --> 00:05:14,714
Oh!
100
00:05:14,781 --> 00:05:19,519
>> Jon: OH!
101
00:05:19,585 --> 00:05:24,190
>> Stephen: AND THE SMACKDOWN
DIDN'T STOP THERE.
102
00:05:24,257 --> 00:05:30,063
>> TONIGHT I AM ANNOUNCING THAT
WE WILL JOIN OUR ALLIES IN
103
00:05:30,129 --> 00:05:31,397
CLOSING OFF AMERICAN AIRSPACE TO
ALL RUSSIAN FLIGHTS FURTHER
104
00:05:31,464 --> 00:05:31,964
ISOLATING RUSSIA.
105
00:05:32,031 --> 00:05:33,099
>> Stephen: BOOM.
106
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:34,967
NOW RUSSIANS WILL ALL BE STUCK
IN THEIR AIRPORTS, EATING
107
00:05:35,034 --> 00:05:36,636
CINNA-BORSCHT.
108
00:05:36,703 --> 00:05:39,906
BUT IF HE REALLY WANTED TO
PUNISH RUSSIA, HE'D JUST DIVERT
109
00:05:39,972 --> 00:05:42,341
ALL THEIR FLIGHTS TO NEWARK.
110
00:05:42,408 --> 00:05:44,477
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
111
00:05:44,544 --> 00:05:44,977
TERMINAL "C."
112
00:05:45,044 --> 00:05:47,847
TERMINAL "C," BABY.
113
00:05:47,914 --> 00:05:49,782
AMERICA'S NOT ALONE IN THIS
FLIGHT.
114
00:05:49,849 --> 00:05:51,851
THE E.U. AND CANADA HAVE ALREADY
BANNED RUSSIAN PLANES FROM THEIR
115
00:05:51,918 --> 00:05:54,187
AIR SPACE.
116
00:05:54,253 --> 00:05:57,824
AND ALL FLIGHTS TO RUSSIA HAVE
EVEN BEEN CANCELLED BY THE
117
00:05:57,890 --> 00:06:02,395
LOW-COST, HUNGARY-BASED AIRLINE
WIZZ AIR.
118
00:06:02,462 --> 00:06:04,430
( LAUGHTER )
THAT'S RIGHT, RUSSIA.
119
00:06:04,497 --> 00:06:05,098
YOU CAN'T EVEN TAKE A WIZZ.
120
00:06:05,164 --> 00:06:07,266
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
121
00:06:07,333 --> 00:06:11,904
AND THEY'RE HUNGARY'S NUMBER-ONE
AIRLINE.
122
00:06:11,971 --> 00:06:13,239
pWHEN HIS SPEECH TURNED TO THE
AMERICAN ECONOMY, HE STARTED
123
00:06:13,306 --> 00:06:16,509
WITH THE CLASSICS:
>> MY DAD HAD TO LEAVE HIS HOME
124
00:06:16,576 --> 00:06:18,644
IN SCRANTON, PENNSYLVANIA, TO
FIND WORK.
125
00:06:18,711 --> 00:06:21,914
>> Stephen: WOO!
126
00:06:21,981 --> 00:06:26,552
DO "NO MALARKY!"
DO "DOG-FACE PONY SOLDIER!"
127
00:06:26,619 --> 00:06:31,758
SNIFF SOMEONE'S HAIR!
128
00:06:31,824 --> 00:06:35,495
THEN-- IT GETS VERY HOT, VERY
FAST.
129
00:06:35,561 --> 00:06:40,733
THEN BIDEN STARTED TALKING ABOUT
HIS RELIEF PLAN, AND CHUCK
130
00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:43,870
SCHUMER GOT OUT A LITTLE AHEAD
OF HIS SKIS:
131
00:06:43,936 --> 00:06:48,808
>> THE AMERICAN RESCUE PLAN--
THE AMERICAN RESCUE PLAN HELPED
132
00:06:48,875 --> 00:06:54,347
WORKING PEOPLE--
( LAUGHTER )
133
00:06:54,413 --> 00:06:55,848
>> Stephen: ARE WE-- ARE WE--
ARE WE NOT CLAPPING?
134
00:06:55,915 --> 00:06:58,785
OKAY, OKAY, I'LL SIT DOWN.
135
00:06:58,851 --> 00:06:59,585
SORRY.
136
00:06:59,652 --> 00:07:00,453
>> --AND LEFT NO ONE BEHIND.
137
00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:03,890
( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: THERE YOU GO!
138
00:07:03,956 --> 00:07:05,691
THERE YOU GO!
139
00:07:05,758 --> 00:07:11,297
THERE YOU GO!
140
00:07:11,364 --> 00:07:12,265
I DIDN'T-- THAT WAS-- I SAW I
GOT A LITTLE...
141
00:07:12,331 --> 00:07:16,235
IT'S KIND OF WEIRD.
142
00:07:16,302 --> 00:07:17,436
I'M LIVE BUT EVIDENTLY CHUCK
SCHUMER IS ON A SEVEN-SECOND
143
00:07:17,503 --> 00:07:18,504
DELAY.
144
00:07:18,571 --> 00:07:24,911
THEN BIDEN MADE A BIG PROMISE:
>> WE'RE GONNA PROVIDE
145
00:07:24,977 --> 00:07:29,849
AFFORDABLE HIGH-SPEED INTERNET
FOR EVERY AMERICAN: RURAL,
146
00:07:29,916 --> 00:07:31,784
SUBURBAN, URBAN, AND TRIBAL
COMMUNITIES.
147
00:07:31,851 --> 00:07:34,020
>> Stephen: YES!
148
00:07:34,086 --> 00:07:39,258
BECAUSE IN AMERICA, REGARDLESS
OF WHO YOU ARE OR WHERE THEY
149
00:07:39,325 --> 00:07:40,560
LIVE, EVERYONE DESERVES THE
FUNDAMENTAL HUMAN RIGHT TO
150
00:07:40,626 --> 00:07:42,261
STREAM PORNOGRAPHY.
151
00:07:42,328 --> 00:07:50,803
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THEN THE PRESIDENT HIGHLIGHTED
152
00:07:50,870 --> 00:07:52,305
THE EFFORTS OF AMERICAN WORKERS.
153
00:07:52,371 --> 00:07:57,276
>> POWERED BY PEOPLE I'VE MET,
LIKE JOJO BURGESS, FROM
154
00:07:57,343 --> 00:07:59,579
GENERATIONS OF UNION STEEL
WORKERS IN PITTSBURGH.
155
00:07:59,645 --> 00:08:00,279
WHO IS HERE WITH US TONIGHT.
156
00:08:00,346 --> 00:08:03,015
WHERE ARE YOU, JOJO?
157
00:08:03,082 --> 00:08:05,151
>> Stephen: "JOJO WAS A MAN WHO
THOUGHT HE WAS A LONER, BUT HE
158
00:08:05,218 --> 00:08:09,455
KNEW IT COULDN'T LAST.
159
00:08:09,522 --> 00:08:10,556
JOJO, JOJO LEFT HIS HOME IN
TUSCON, ARIZONA, FOR SOME
160
00:08:10,623 --> 00:08:11,023
CALIFORNIA GRASS.
161
00:08:11,090 --> 00:08:11,724
GET BACK!
162
00:08:11,791 --> 00:08:13,726
GET BACK, JOJO!"
( APPLAUSE )
163
00:08:13,793 --> 00:08:16,229
GET BACK TO WHERE YOU ONCE
BELONG!
164
00:08:16,295 --> 00:08:16,896
COME ON, NO, I'M SERIOUS, FOLKS.
165
00:08:16,963 --> 00:08:22,068
GET BACK!
166
00:08:22,134 --> 00:08:25,271
NOT EVERYONE WAS FOCUSED ON THE
SPEECH.
167
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:29,175
KEVIN McCARTHY WAS THERE BUT
BUSY LOOKING AT HIS PHONE.
168
00:08:29,242 --> 00:08:32,311
TO BE FAIR, TODAY'S WORDLE WAS
PRETTY TRICKY.
169
00:08:32,378 --> 00:08:34,981
( LAUGHTER )
OF COURSE, THE MINORITY LEADER
170
00:08:35,047 --> 00:08:38,818
IN THE HOUSE NOT PAYING
ATTENTION LOOKED DISRESPECTFUL.
171
00:08:38,885 --> 00:08:40,019
BUT KEEP IN MIND, HE MIGHT'VE
BEEN ON AMAZON SHOPPING FOR A
172
00:08:40,086 --> 00:08:42,054
SPINE.
173
00:08:42,121 --> 00:08:43,422
( LAUGHTER )
MANY, MANY--
174
00:08:43,489 --> 00:08:45,758
( APPLAUSE )
GOOD GUY.
175
00:08:45,825 --> 00:08:49,061
YOU'LL LIKE HIM.
176
00:08:49,128 --> 00:08:52,331
MANY OF BIDEN'S CABINET WERE
THERE.
177
00:08:52,398 --> 00:08:56,836
WE GOT TO SEE SECRETARY OF
TRANSPORTATION PETE BUTTIGIEG
178
00:08:56,903 --> 00:08:57,236
IN THE BALCONY.
179
00:08:57,303 --> 00:08:57,904
JUST KIDDING.
180
00:08:57,970 --> 00:08:59,205
I'M JOKING!
181
00:08:59,272 --> 00:09:02,341
WE MAKE JOKES!
182
00:09:02,408 --> 00:09:04,744
JUST JOSHING.
183
00:09:04,810 --> 00:09:09,282
THAT BOY IS JOSHUA DAVIS, A
13-YEAR-OLD WHO HAS BEEN
184
00:09:09,348 --> 00:09:10,883
FIGHTING TO HELP KIDS WITH TYPE
1 DIABETES.
185
00:09:10,950 --> 00:09:12,985
BUT A SEAT AT THE STATE OF THE
UNION WASN'T THE ONLY REASON IT
186
00:09:13,052 --> 00:09:15,454
WAS A SPECIAL DAY FOR JOSHUA.
187
00:09:15,521 --> 00:09:16,389
>> HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BUDDY, BY THE
WAY.
188
00:09:16,455 --> 00:09:24,463
( APPLAUSE )
FOR JOSHUA, AND 200,000 OTHER
189
00:09:24,530 --> 00:09:28,634
YOUNG PEOPLE WITH TYPE 1
DIABETES, LET'S CAP THE COST OF
190
00:09:28,701 --> 00:09:29,635
INSULIN AT $35 A MONTH.
191
00:09:29,702 --> 00:09:32,305
( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: OH, MY GOD, HE'S SO
192
00:09:32,371 --> 00:09:33,406
ADORABLE.
193
00:09:33,472 --> 00:09:38,311
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
HE JUST-- I JUST WANT TO GRAB
194
00:09:38,377 --> 00:09:40,780
THOSE CHEEKS!
195
00:09:40,846 --> 00:09:43,916
AND-- THIS IS TRUE-- IT'S HIS
13th BIRTHDAY.
196
00:09:43,983 --> 00:09:47,987
THE POOR KID GOT STUCK WITH THE
WORST BAR MITZVAH THEME OF ALL
197
00:09:48,054 --> 00:09:49,689
TIME: RAMPANT INFLATION.
198
00:09:49,755 --> 00:09:52,024
( LAUGHTER )
ANYWAY, IT WAS REALLY A SWEET
199
00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:55,127
MOMENT.
200
00:09:55,194 --> 00:09:56,362
I MEAN, THERE'S NO ONE IN THAT
ROOM CUTER THAN THAT KID.
201
00:09:56,429 --> 00:10:06,906
( APPLAUSE )
( LAUGHTER )
202
00:10:06,973 --> 00:10:09,742
I STAND CORRECTED.
203
00:10:09,809 --> 00:10:12,979
THE PRESIDENT ALSO ANNOUNCED
THAT COMPANIES WHO TOOK
204
00:10:13,045 --> 00:10:14,113
ADVANTAGE OF COVID RELIEF WERE
FINALLY GOING TO BE HELD
205
00:10:14,180 --> 00:10:17,950
ACCOUNTABLE:
>> THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT WILL
206
00:10:18,017 --> 00:10:20,653
NAME A CHIEF PROSECUTOR FOR
PANDEMIC FRAUD.
207
00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:25,091
>> Stephen: HOPEFULLY, HE MEANS
FINANCIAL PANDEMIC FRAUD, AND
208
00:10:25,157 --> 00:10:26,525
NOT LYING ABOUT "MAYBE BEING
pEXPOSED" SO YOU CAN GET OUT OF
209
00:10:26,592 --> 00:10:29,295
GOING TO YOUR COUSIN'S
DESTINATION WEDDING.
210
00:10:29,362 --> 00:10:33,265
( LAUGHTER )
BIDEN TOUTED HIS COVID RESPONSE:
211
00:10:33,332 --> 00:10:41,073
>> I'VE ORDERED MORE PILLS THAN
ANYONE IN THE WORLD HAS.
212
00:10:41,140 --> 00:10:45,011
>> Stephen: WOW, I DIDN'T KNOW
JOE WAS CAST IN THE NEXT SEASON
213
00:10:45,077 --> 00:10:46,879
OF "EUPHORIA."
214
00:10:46,946 --> 00:10:51,717
THERE YOU GO!
215
00:10:51,784 --> 00:10:55,121
NOTHING LIKE A LIVE SHOW, LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN.
216
00:10:55,187 --> 00:10:59,625
BIDEN FINISHED HIS SPEECH WITH
THE UNVEILING OF HIS BIG "UNITY
217
00:10:59,692 --> 00:11:01,894
AGENDA," AND THE FIRST ITEM
STUCK OUT TO ME.
218
00:11:01,961 --> 00:11:03,596
>> LET'S TAKE ON MENTAL HEALTH.
219
00:11:03,662 --> 00:11:05,664
>> Stephen: I CAN'T BELIEVE HE
MADE A DIRECT ATTACK ON
220
00:11:05,731 --> 00:11:07,033
MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE.
221
00:11:07,099 --> 00:11:09,735
( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
222
00:11:09,802 --> 00:11:17,276
THEN--
>> Jon: OH!
223
00:11:17,343 --> 00:11:19,812
>> Stephen: BIDEN ENDED WITH A
ROUSING SALUTE TO AMERICA.
224
00:11:19,879 --> 00:11:23,582
>> WE ARE THE ONLY NATION ON
EARTH THAT HAS ALWAYS TURNED
225
00:11:23,649 --> 00:11:26,652
EVERY CRISIS WE HAVE FACED INTO
AN OPPORTUNITY.
226
00:11:26,719 --> 00:11:28,754
THE ONLY NATION THAT CAN BE
DEFINED BY A SINGLE WORD.
227
00:11:28,821 --> 00:11:30,222
>> Stephen: STUFFED-CRUST!
228
00:11:30,289 --> 00:11:31,757
WAIT, THAT'S TWO.
229
00:11:31,824 --> 00:11:32,758
CRUNCHTASTIC?
230
00:11:32,825 --> 00:11:34,627
BENNIFER?
231
00:11:34,693 --> 00:11:35,995
( LAUGHTER )
I'M SORRY, MR. PRESIDENT.
232
00:11:36,062 --> 00:11:36,962
I INTERRUPTED.
233
00:11:37,029 --> 00:11:40,399
YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT THE STATE
OF THE UNION?
234
00:11:40,466 --> 00:11:43,335
>> MY REPORT IS THIS: THE STATE
OF THE UNION IS STRONG BECAUSE
235
00:11:43,402 --> 00:11:44,270
YOU, THE AMERICAN PEOPLE, ARE
STRONG.
236
00:11:44,336 --> 00:11:50,342
( APPLAUSE )
WE ARE STRONGER TODAY-- WE ARE
237
00:11:50,409 --> 00:11:53,079
STRONGER TODAY THAN WE WERE A
YEAR AGO.
238
00:11:53,145 --> 00:11:57,149
>> Stephen: THAT'S TRUE, BUT
IT'S A PRETTY LOW BAR.
239
00:11:57,216 --> 00:11:59,685
A YEAR AGO, WE WEREN'T WEARING
PANTS AND OUR ASSES HAD MERGED
240
00:11:59,752 --> 00:12:00,619
WITH OUR COUCHES.
241
00:12:00,686 --> 00:12:03,956
( LAUGHTER )
BUT ALL IN ALL, IN THE END, IT
242
00:12:04,023 --> 00:12:10,830
WAS A POWERFUL SPEECH AT A
MOMENT OF GLOBAL CRISIS, AND
243
00:12:10,896 --> 00:12:13,065
BIDEN BROUGHT IT HOME WITH A
ROUSING CALL TO NATIONAL
244
00:12:13,132 --> 00:12:15,034
GREATNESS:
>> THIS IS OUR MOMENT.
245
00:12:15,101 --> 00:12:18,671
TO MEET AND OVERCOME THE
CHALLENGES OF OUR TIME, AND WE
246
00:12:18,737 --> 00:12:24,477
WILL AS ONE PEOPLE, ONE AMERICA,
THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.
247
00:12:24,543 --> 00:12:26,512
GOD BLESS YOU ALL, AND MAY GOD
PROTECT OUR TROOPS.
248
00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:30,316
THANK YOU.
249
00:12:30,382 --> 00:12:31,183
GO GET HIM.
250
00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:31,784
>> Stephen: YEAH, GO GET 'EM!
251
00:12:31,851 --> 00:12:33,185
JUST DO IT!
252
00:12:33,252 --> 00:12:34,053
SMOKE 'EM IF YOU GOT 'EM!
253
00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:35,654
PLAY BALL!
254
00:12:35,721 --> 00:12:37,256
GET JIGGY WITH IT!
255
00:12:37,323 --> 00:12:38,090
GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL!
256
00:12:38,157 --> 00:12:39,692
THAT'LL DO, PIG.
257
00:12:39,758 --> 00:12:42,595
THAT'LL DO.
258
00:12:42,661 --> 00:12:43,762
FOR FRODO!
259
00:12:43,829 --> 00:12:44,296
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
260
00:12:44,363 --> 00:12:48,300
♪ ♪ ♪
LET'S GO!
261
00:12:48,367 --> 00:12:51,337
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT.
262
00:12:51,403 --> 00:12:54,206
MY GUEST IS SENATOR BERNIE
SANDERS.
263
00:12:54,273 --> 00:12:56,275
BUT WHEN WE RETURN, MEANWHILE!"
♪ ♪ ♪
264
00:13:31,010 --> 00:13:33,812
>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,
EVERYBODY!
265
00:13:33,879 --> 00:13:35,347
GIVE IT UP FOR JON BATISTE AND
STAY HUMAN.
266
00:13:35,414 --> 00:13:41,453
( APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: YEAH!
267
00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:48,994
OH!
268
00:13:49,061 --> 00:13:52,665
OH!
269
00:13:52,731 --> 00:13:53,232
>> Stephen: JON, MY FRIEND.
270
00:13:53,299 --> 00:13:54,033
HAPPY LIVE SHOW.
271
00:13:54,099 --> 00:13:54,934
>> Jon: HAPPY LIVE SHOW TO
YOU, TOO.
272
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:57,236
>> Stephen: HAPPY LIVE SHOW.
273
00:13:57,303 --> 00:14:00,606
WE HAVEN'T DONE A LIVE SHOW WITH
A LIVE AUDIENCE IN OVER TWO
274
00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:02,341
YEARS, RIGHT, IN HERE.
275
00:14:02,408 --> 00:14:04,443
WE DID THEM UPSTAIRS WITH A LIVE
AUDIENCE, WE HAVEN'T DONE IT.
276
00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:08,581
THANK YOU ALL FOR BEING HERE
THIS EVENING.
277
00:14:08,647 --> 00:14:09,515
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: WOOO!
278
00:14:09,582 --> 00:14:10,716
WOOO!
279
00:14:10,783 --> 00:14:15,120
>> Stephen: JON, I GOT RIGHT
HERE COMING UP IS SENATOR BERNIE
280
00:14:15,187 --> 00:14:16,355
SANDERS TO GIVE HIS REACTION TO
TONIGHT'S STATE OF THE UNION
281
00:14:16,422 --> 00:14:18,691
SPEECH.
282
00:14:18,757 --> 00:14:20,526
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
ALWAYS A PLEASURE, ALWAYS A
283
00:14:20,593 --> 00:14:22,895
PLEASURE, ALWAYS A PRIVILEGE.
284
00:14:22,962 --> 00:14:26,465
YOU KNOW I SPEND MOST OF MY TIME
RIGHT OVER THERE, COMBING
285
00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:28,968
THROUGH THE DAY'S BIGGEST NEWS,
AND SELECTING FOR YOU THE
286
00:14:29,034 --> 00:14:31,437
FINEST, MOST TOPICAL INDIAN
ROSEWOOD, SPRUCE, AND MAHOGANY
287
00:14:31,503 --> 00:14:35,541
STORIES.
288
00:14:35,608 --> 00:14:38,244
I THEN HAND-SHAPE AND COMBINE
THEM WITH AN ABALONE
289
00:14:38,310 --> 00:14:40,012
MULTI-STRIPE BACK INLAY, ADD
FORWARD-SHIFTED SCALLOPED
290
00:14:40,079 --> 00:14:44,850
BRACES, ANTIQUE WHITE BINDING,
AND A HIGH-PERFORMANCE NECK WITH
291
00:14:44,917 --> 00:14:46,118
A HEXAGON FINGERBOARD, AND
FINALLY LAY IN A
292
00:14:46,185 --> 00:14:48,420
TORTOISE-PATTERN PEARL PICK
GUARD, AND A COMPENSATED
293
00:14:48,487 --> 00:14:52,891
BONE SADDLE, TO CRAFT FOR YOU
THE EXQUISITE MARTIN D-45
294
00:14:52,958 --> 00:14:55,628
DREADNOUGHT ACOUSTIC GUITAR
THAT IS MY NIGHTLY MONOLOGUE.
295
00:14:55,694 --> 00:14:58,264
BUT SOMETIMES, SOMETIMES I SNAP
AWAKE IN AN RUSTY COFFIN FREEZER
296
00:14:58,330 --> 00:15:09,008
BEHIND AN ABANDONED DAIRY QUEEN
OUTSIDE GALVESTON.
297
00:15:09,074 --> 00:15:10,276
THEN I NAIL A 2X4 TO A CEDAR URN
I STOLE FROM A FUNERAL, STRING
298
00:15:10,342 --> 00:15:11,410
ON SOME BRAKE CABLES I RIPPED
OUT OF A COP CAR, THEN I CUT EYE
299
00:15:11,477 --> 00:15:13,279
THE LOCALS ON THE TEXAS CHAINSAW
BANJO OF NEWS THAT IS MY
300
00:15:13,345 --> 00:15:17,016
SEGMENT:
"MEANWHILE!"
301
00:15:17,082 --> 00:15:24,123
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
MEANWHILE, BABY!
302
00:15:24,189 --> 00:15:27,993
IT KNOWS ALL, IT SEES ALL.
303
00:15:28,060 --> 00:15:32,197
MEANWHILE, "PELOTON OWNERS CAN
NOW PLAY A VIDEO GAME WHILE THEY
304
00:15:32,264 --> 00:15:33,966
WORK OUT."
305
00:15:34,033 --> 00:15:35,067
EVEN MORE EXCITING: THEY CAN
ALSO NOT DO THAT.
306
00:15:35,134 --> 00:15:39,672
( LAUGHTER )
THE NEW FEATURE IS CALLED
307
00:15:39,738 --> 00:15:44,143
"LANEBREAK," AND IT TURNS YOUR
PELOTON SCREEN INTO AN
308
00:15:44,209 --> 00:15:48,414
INTERACTIVE VIDEO GAME, WHERE
"RIDERS PEDAL ALONG A FLOATING
309
00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:49,948
VIRTUAL TRACK, ENCOUNTERING
PROMPTS AND CHALLENGES ALONG
310
00:15:50,015 --> 00:15:53,218
THE WAY."
311
00:15:53,285 --> 00:15:56,088
IN OTHER WORDS, THINK 'MARIO
KART' MEETS PELOTON."
312
00:15:56,155 --> 00:16:01,126
"ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY FINAL
PUSH.
313
00:16:01,193 --> 00:16:02,628
FINAL PUSH!
314
00:16:02,695 --> 00:16:03,862
LOOK OUT FOR THE GREEN SHELLS!
315
00:16:03,929 --> 00:16:05,064
LIFE IS GOING TO THROW A LOT OF
BANANA PEELS YOUR WAY, SO WHAT
316
00:16:05,130 --> 00:16:05,664
DO WE DO?
317
00:16:05,731 --> 00:16:06,131
SAY IT WITH ME: TURN!
318
00:16:06,198 --> 00:16:06,732
FUN!
319
00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:07,733
THINGS!
320
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:10,402
INTO WORK!
321
00:16:10,469 --> 00:16:16,875
YAY!"
( APPLAUSE )
322
00:16:16,942 --> 00:16:20,245
MEANWHILE, A NEW PRISON IN
ZURICH RECEIVED HUNDREDS OF
323
00:16:20,312 --> 00:16:23,749
APPLICATIONS FOR VOLUNTEERS
TO "LIVE LIKE A PRISONER" IN
324
00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:26,285
ORDER "TO TEST THE NEW JAIL
BEFORE THE FACILITY ACCEPTS ITS
325
00:16:26,352 --> 00:16:29,922
FIRST INMATES."
326
00:16:29,988 --> 00:16:32,925
THEY'RE TRYING TO MAKE THE
EXPERIENCE AS REAL AS POSSIBLE.
327
00:16:32,991 --> 00:16:37,296
BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT REAL
PRISONERS, STRIP SEARCHES ON
328
00:16:37,363 --> 00:16:38,397
ENTRY... OPTIONAL.
329
00:16:38,464 --> 00:16:41,600
MIGHT WANT TO WATCH OUT FOR WHO
OPTS INTO THAT.
330
00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:49,708
I'LL HAVE THE STRIP SEARCH,
OFFICER WITH EXTRA CAVITY.
331
00:16:49,775 --> 00:16:51,143
MEANWHILE, "SCIENTISTS HAVE
SOLVED THE 30,000-YEAR-OLD
332
00:16:51,210 --> 00:16:58,751
'VENUS' STATUE MYSTERY."
333
00:16:58,817 --> 00:17:00,119
HAVEING DISCOVERED OF WILLENDORF
IS ONE OF THE OLDEST AND FINEST
334
00:17:00,185 --> 00:17:04,022
EXAMPLES OF
HUMANS DISCOVERING A NEW ART OR
335
00:17:04,089 --> 00:17:07,159
TECHNOLOGY AND IMMEDIATELY USING
IT FOR PORN.
336
00:17:07,226 --> 00:17:11,997
BY THE WAY-- AND THIS IS TRUE--
YOU'LL NOTICE DOWN THRE, MY NET
337
00:17:12,064 --> 00:17:19,671
WORK MADE US BLUR WHAT ONE
ASSUMES ARE GENITALS ON A
338
00:17:19,738 --> 00:17:23,609
30,000-YEAR-OLD FERTILITY
SCULPTURE.
339
00:17:23,675 --> 00:17:24,877
THAT'S BECAUSE IT'S IMPORTANT
THAT CBS VIEWERS NOT BE UPSET BY
340
00:17:24,943 --> 00:17:32,484
ABSTRACTED PALEOLITHIC NUDITY
AFTER A RELAXING EVEN OF
341
00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:38,223
MURDERED SEX WORKERS ON
"CSI:VEGAS."
342
00:17:38,290 --> 00:17:42,661
( APPLAUSE )
MEANWHILE, IN SAN DIEGO,
343
00:17:42,728 --> 00:17:46,932
AUTHORITIES SEIZED NEARLY $3
MILLION WORTH OF METH IN AN
344
00:17:46,999 --> 00:17:52,938
ONION SHIPMENT, IN WHICH THE
METH WAS SHAPED INTO SMALL
345
00:17:53,005 --> 00:17:58,010
GLOBES DESIGNED TO LOOK LIKE
ONIONS.
346
00:17:58,076 --> 00:17:59,144
NOT SURE IF YOUR ONIONS ARE
METH?
347
00:17:59,211 --> 00:18:03,248
IF IT MAKES YOU CRY BECAUSE OF
ITS FRUMS, IT'S AN ONION.
348
00:18:03,315 --> 00:18:06,885
IF IT MAKES YOU CRY BECAUSE YOU
SOLD YOUR DAUGHTER'S BIKE TO A
349
00:18:06,952 --> 00:18:10,756
NAME WITH NO TEETH NAMED
SKEETER, COULD BE METH.
350
00:18:10,823 --> 00:18:14,827
MEANWHILE, PEPSI IS INTRODUCING
A BRAND NEW SODA FAVOR CALLED
351
00:18:14,893 --> 00:18:16,094
NITRO PEPSI.
352
00:18:16,161 --> 00:18:19,565
A FIRST-OF-ITS-KIND
NITROGEN-INFUSED COLA THAT HAS A
353
00:18:19,631 --> 00:18:21,733
CREAMIER AND SMOOTHER TASTE
COMPARED TO TRADITIONAL
354
00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:22,835
CARBONATED SOD AS.
355
00:18:22,901 --> 00:18:26,305
OR AS I WILL CALL S, ARE YOU
SURE YOU DON'T HAVE COKE?
356
00:18:26,371 --> 00:18:35,914
CAN YOU CHECK?
357
00:18:35,981 --> 00:18:37,115
NITRO!
358
00:18:37,182 --> 00:18:39,418
MEANWHILE THIS FOOTAGE WENT
pVIRAL OVER THE WEEKEND AND KEEP
359
00:18:39,485 --> 00:18:41,854
IN MIND EVERYONE IS OKAY.
360
00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:47,793
A TRACTOR TRAILER FULL OF MAIL
DROVE OFF A MASSACHUSETTS
361
00:18:47,860 --> 00:18:48,794
TURNPIKE RAMP AND INTO THE
CHARLES RIVER."
362
00:18:48,861 --> 00:18:50,662
AGAIN, THE DRIVER IS FINE--
WHICH IS INCREDIBLE.
363
00:18:50,729 --> 00:18:52,331
NOT BECAUSE HE SURVIVED THAT
CRASH, BUT BECAUSE HE SURVIVED
364
00:18:52,397 --> 00:18:54,166
BEING IN THE CHARLES RIVER.
365
00:18:54,233 --> 00:18:58,637
( LAUGHTER )
AT THIS POINT, IT'S LIKE 90%
366
00:18:58,704 --> 00:19:06,178
PARLIAMENT CIGARETTE FILTERS AND
RED SOX FAN VOMIT.
367
00:19:06,245 --> 00:19:11,350
A MAN WAS HOSPITALIZED AFTER
SHOVING A AA BATTERY INTO HIS
368
00:19:11,416 --> 00:19:12,551
PENIS.
369
00:19:12,618 --> 00:19:17,389
WORSE, PEE PUT IT IN BACKWARDS
SO HIS PENIS WOULDN'T STARTED.
370
00:19:17,456 --> 00:19:17,956
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH SENATOR
BERNIE SANDERS.
371
00:20:30,028 --> 00:20:36,969
BERNIE!
372
00:20:37,035 --> 00:20:38,303
>> Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU
AGAIN.
373
00:20:38,370 --> 00:20:39,471
THANKS FOR BEING BACK.
374
00:20:39,538 --> 00:20:44,443
>> WELL, CONGRATULATIONS TO BE
PERFORMING IN FRONT OF HUMAN
375
00:20:44,509 --> 00:20:44,943
BEINGS!
376
00:20:45,010 --> 00:20:45,410
>> Stephen: I KNOW.
377
00:20:45,477 --> 00:20:45,744
IT'S MUCH BETTER.
378
00:20:45,811 --> 00:20:46,945
>> I KNOW.
379
00:20:47,012 --> 00:20:50,749
>> Stephen: IT'S MUCH BETTER
THAN JUST SHOUTING DOWN A PIPE.
380
00:20:50,816 --> 00:20:54,686
NOW, SENATOR, YOU WERE INVITED,
OF COURSE, AS A SENATOR TO BE AT
381
00:20:54,753 --> 00:20:55,754
THE SPEECH TONIGHT.
382
00:20:55,821 --> 00:20:59,224
BUT YOU--
>> I MUCH PREFER TO BE HERE.
383
00:20:59,291 --> 00:21:01,326
( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: THIS IS NICER
384
00:21:01,393 --> 00:21:05,764
THAN-- WE'RE HONORED, OBVIOUSLY,
BUT THIS IS NICER THAN HANGING
385
00:21:05,831 --> 00:21:06,798
OUT WITH YOUR COLLEAGUES?
386
00:21:06,865 --> 00:21:07,366
>> YES.
387
00:21:07,432 --> 00:21:08,967
>> Stephen: YEAH, YEAH?
388
00:21:09,034 --> 00:21:09,635
>> IT IS.
389
00:21:09,701 --> 00:21:11,637
>> Stephen: OKAY.
390
00:21:11,703 --> 00:21:13,405
THE STATE OF THE UNION IS ALWAYS
IMPORTANT, OBVIOUSLY.
391
00:21:13,472 --> 00:21:16,775
YOU KNOW, THE EYES WILL OF THE
NATION ARE ALWAYS ON WHAT THE
392
00:21:16,842 --> 00:21:18,977
PRESIDENT, WHOEVER IT IS AT THAT
TIME, IS GOING TO SAY.
393
00:21:19,044 --> 00:21:23,782
BUT IT FEELS PARTICULARLY
POWERFUL TONIGHT TO SEE BIDEN
394
00:21:23,849 --> 00:21:27,853
DESCRIBE IN STARK TERMS THE
FIGHT BETWEEN FREEDOM AND
395
00:21:27,919 --> 00:21:31,156
TYRANNY, THE ONGOING BATTLE THAT
IS NOT THEORETICAL AT THIS
396
00:21:31,223 --> 00:21:35,460
POINT, BETWEEN DEMOCRACY AND AWE
TALKERACY.
397
00:21:35,527 --> 00:21:40,065
WHAT IS THE SSKS OF TONIGHT'S
STATE OF UNION-- JUST TALK ABOUT
398
00:21:40,132 --> 00:21:42,701
FOREIGN POLICY-- IN THE WAKE OF
WHO'S HAPPENING IN UKRAINE.
399
00:21:42,768 --> 00:21:46,905
>> Stephen: BUT IT CANNOT BE
MORE TRAUMATIC.
400
00:21:46,972 --> 00:21:49,741
WHAT PUTIN HAS DONE IS SO
OUTRAGEOUS, IT IS SO HORRIBLE,
401
00:21:49,808 --> 00:21:52,978
IT IS SO CRUEL, THAT IT IS
UNSPEAKABLE.
402
00:21:53,045 --> 00:21:55,180
AND THERE WAS A DIPLOMATIC
SOLUTION.
403
00:21:55,247 --> 00:21:58,350
WE WERE WORKING ON A DIPLOMATIC
SOLUTION, AND, APPARENTLY,
404
00:21:58,417 --> 00:21:59,551
THAT'S NOT WHAT HE WANTED.
405
00:21:59,618 --> 00:22:05,157
HE WANTED TO CONQUER UKRAINE,
AND WE'RE SEEING THE SUFFERING
406
00:22:05,223 --> 00:22:06,758
THAT IS GOING ON THERE.
407
00:22:06,825 --> 00:22:09,661
BUT IT BRINGS, I THINK, TO THE
FORE, WHAT POLITICS AND
408
00:22:09,728 --> 00:22:11,096
EVERYTHING THAT WE'RE TRYING TO
DO IS ABOUT.
409
00:22:11,163 --> 00:22:16,001
AND YOU THINK BACK, STEPHEN,
JUST IN THE LAST YEAR OF WHAT
410
00:22:16,068 --> 00:22:17,169
THIS COUNTRY HAS GONE THROUGH.
411
00:22:17,235 --> 00:22:19,438
I THINK THE PRESIDENT MADE THE
POINT THAT HE MADE IT WELL.
412
00:22:19,504 --> 00:22:25,677
LET'S BE CLEAR: THIS IS THE MOST
DIFFICULT MOMENT IN OUR
413
00:22:25,744 --> 00:22:26,845
LIFETIMES.
414
00:22:26,912 --> 00:22:29,548
AND IF YOU FEEL DEPRESSED, AND
IF YOU FEEL ANXIOUS, AND YOU
415
00:22:29,614 --> 00:22:31,216
FEEL CONFUSED YOU KNOW WHAT?
416
00:22:31,283 --> 00:22:32,551
WELCOME TO THE CLUB.
417
00:22:32,617 --> 00:22:35,153
THAT'S HOW ALL OF AMERICA FEELS
RIGHT NOW.
418
00:22:35,220 --> 00:22:36,955
YOU JUST THINK ABOUT WHAT
HAPPENED.
419
00:22:37,022 --> 00:22:42,060
BEFORE BIDEN EVEN TOOK OFFICE,
WE HAD AN INSURRECTION LED BY A
420
00:22:42,127 --> 00:22:47,199
PRESIDENT WHO IS LYING TO THE
AMERICAN PEOPLE, TRYING TO
421
00:22:47,265 --> 00:22:48,366
UNDERMINE AMERICAN DEMOCRACY.
422
00:22:48,433 --> 00:22:52,304
WE'RE NOW DEALING WITH THE
PANDEMIC, WHICH SOON WILL CLAIM
423
00:22:52,370 --> 00:22:55,907
A MILLION OF OUR FELLOW
AMERICANS AND MAKE SO MANY OTHER
424
00:22:55,974 --> 00:22:57,142
PEOPLE SICK.
425
00:22:57,209 --> 00:22:59,478
WE'RE DEALING WITH CLIMATE
CHANGE.
426
00:22:59,544 --> 00:23:03,115
SCIENTISTS TELL US WE'RE LOSING
THE STRUGGLE FOR A PLANET TO
427
00:23:03,181 --> 00:23:07,085
LEAVE TO OUR KIDS THAT WILL BE
HEALTHY.
428
00:23:07,152 --> 00:23:11,423
WE'RE DEALING WITH AN ECONOMY
WHERE HALF OF OUR PEOPLE ARE
429
00:23:11,490 --> 00:23:13,725
LIVING PAYCHECK TO PAYCHECK.
430
00:23:13,792 --> 00:23:16,461
PEOPLE CAN'T AFFORD THE
DYSFUNCTIONAL HEALTHCARE SYSTEM
431
00:23:16,528 --> 00:23:17,529
THAT WE HAVE.
432
00:23:17,596 --> 00:23:21,166
AND THEN, PUTIN INVADES UKRAINE.
433
00:23:21,233 --> 00:23:25,937
SO THIS IS JUST AN EXTRAORDINARY
MOMENT IN OUR HISTORY, AND WE
434
00:23:26,004 --> 00:23:26,838
HAVE GOT TO BE TOUGH.
435
00:23:26,905 --> 00:23:27,639
WE CAN DO IT.
436
00:23:27,706 --> 00:23:28,907
THE PRESIDENT IS RIGHT.
437
00:23:28,974 --> 00:23:35,147
BUT WE HAVE TO THINK THIS THING
THROUGH, NOT FALL FOR, YOU KNOW,
438
00:23:35,213 --> 00:23:36,414
SIMPLISTIC SOLUTIONS.
439
00:23:36,481 --> 00:23:40,252
BUT IF WE STAND DISPTH HAVE THE
COURAGE TO DO THE RIGHT THING IN
440
00:23:40,318 --> 00:23:44,322
THIS INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT MOMENT
IN HISTORY, WE CAN PREVAIL.
441
00:23:44,389 --> 00:23:45,056
( APPLAUSE ).
442
00:23:45,123 --> 00:23:48,059
>> Stephen: NOW I
UNDERSTAND...
443
00:23:48,126 --> 00:23:54,800
I'M GOING TO TAKE-- I'M GOING TO
TACK A WILD GUESS THAT YOU'RE
444
00:23:54,866 --> 00:23:59,504
NOT EUGE FANS WITH-- OF RUSSIAN
OLIGARCH BILLIONAIRES, OKAY.
445
00:23:59,571 --> 00:24:02,707
AND THE PRESIDENT SAID THEY'RE
GOING TO GO AFTER THEM, THE
446
00:24:02,774 --> 00:24:07,279
D.O.J. IS GOING TO GO AFTER
THESE PEOPLE TO TAKE AWAY THEIR
447
00:24:07,345 --> 00:24:10,282
ILL-GOTTEN BOOTY THAT THEY GOT
FOR BUDDYING UP WITH PUTIN.
448
00:24:10,348 --> 00:24:12,584
I ASSUME YOU APPROVE OF THAT.
449
00:24:12,651 --> 00:24:15,353
>> ABSOLUTELY, LOOK --
>> Stephen: WHO UPSETS YOU
450
00:24:15,420 --> 00:24:17,289
MORE, AMERICAN OLIGARCHS OR
RUSSIAN OLIGARCHS?
451
00:24:17,355 --> 00:24:19,491
>> WE CAN TALK ABOUT THAT
( LAUGHTER ).
452
00:24:19,558 --> 00:24:20,392
>> Stephen: I HOPE WE DO.
453
00:24:20,458 --> 00:24:22,694
>> WE CAN START WITH THE RUSSIAN
OLIGARCHS.
454
00:24:22,761 --> 00:24:27,132
WE JUST PUT SOMETHING UP ON OUR
TWITTER PAGE TODAY.
455
00:24:27,199 --> 00:24:30,735
PEOPLE DON'T REALIZE, YOU KNOW,
IT'S NOT JUST THAT PUTIN IS AN
456
00:24:30,802 --> 00:24:31,837
AUTOCRAT.
457
00:24:31,903 --> 00:24:35,307
IT'S NOT JUST THAT HE IS A
DICTATOR TRYING TO UNDERMINE
458
00:24:35,373 --> 00:24:38,677
WHAT HAD BEEN A SEMBLANCE OF
DEMOCRACY IN RUSSIA.
459
00:24:38,743 --> 00:24:40,412
THIS GUY-- WE DON'T KNOW.
460
00:24:40,478 --> 00:24:42,647
THE TRUTH IS NOBODY REALLY
KNOWS.
461
00:24:42,714 --> 00:24:45,917
BUT IT IS POSSIBLE THAT HE'S THE
RICHEST GUY IN THE WORLD, MAYBE
462
00:24:45,984 --> 00:24:48,787
WORTH OVER $200 BILLION.
463
00:24:48,854 --> 00:24:52,791
HE AND HIS OLIGARCHIC FRIENDS
HAVE STOLEN THE PROPERTY OF THE
464
00:24:52,858 --> 00:24:59,397
RUSSIAN PEOPLE, THE DISTRIBUTION
OF WEALTH IN RUSSIA IS
465
00:24:59,464 --> 00:25:00,532
UNBELIEVABLE.
466
00:25:00,599 --> 00:25:01,633
THEY HAVE IT ALL WHILE ORDINARY
RUSSIANS ARE SUFFERING.
467
00:25:01,700 --> 00:25:03,902
>> Stephen: AND APPARENTLY
PROBABLY STOLE SOME OF THE
468
00:25:03,969 --> 00:25:06,471
MILITARY BUDGET BECAUSE THAT IS
ONE OF THE EXPLANATIONS WHY THE
469
00:25:06,538 --> 00:25:09,207
MILITARY EQUIPMENT IS SO
TERRIBLE OVER THERE.
470
00:25:09,274 --> 00:25:09,808
SERIOUSLY.
471
00:25:09,875 --> 00:25:12,644
THAT HAS BEEN SPECULATED.
472
00:25:12,711 --> 00:25:16,314
>> NAVALNY, WHO YOU KNOW IS THIS
INCREDIBLY BRAVE PERSON-- AND I
473
00:25:16,381 --> 00:25:20,785
GOTTA SAY SOMETHING, AND I DON'T
THINK IS GETTING ENOUGH
474
00:25:20,852 --> 00:25:22,020
ATTENTION.
475
00:25:22,087 --> 00:25:26,591
I HAVE SO MUCH RESPECT FOR THESE
INCREDIBLY BRAVE PEOPLE, OFTEN
476
00:25:26,658 --> 00:25:31,663
YOUNG PEOPLE, IN RUSSIA, WHO ARE
OUT ON THE STREETS PROTESTING
477
00:25:31,730 --> 00:25:34,032
AGAINST WHAT THEIR PRESIDENT IS
DOING.
478
00:25:34,099 --> 00:25:35,166
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
479
00:25:35,233 --> 00:25:36,801
>> Stephen: KNOWING THAT
IT'S-- IT'S BEEN CALLED ILLEGAL.
480
00:25:36,868 --> 00:25:39,037
>> OH, --
>> Stephen: AND THEY WILL BE
481
00:25:39,104 --> 00:25:39,638
ARRESTED.
482
00:25:39,704 --> 00:25:40,505
>> THEY WILL BE ARRESTED.
483
00:25:40,572 --> 00:25:43,241
GOD KNOWS WHAL HAPPEN TO THEM.
484
00:25:43,308 --> 00:25:48,780
YOU HAVE, YOU KNOW, CELEBRITIES
WHO ARE PUTTING THEIR NAMES IN
485
00:25:48,847 --> 00:25:50,815
OPPOSITION, WHOSE YEARS WILL BE
DESTROYED.
486
00:25:50,882 --> 00:25:54,419
SO I THINK THE POINT TO BE MADE
IS THE RUSSIAN PEOPLE ARE NOT
487
00:25:54,486 --> 00:25:55,620
OUR ENEMIES.
488
00:25:55,687 --> 00:25:59,190
IT IS THEIR AUTOCRACY, AND THE
CROOKS AND THE EVIL PEOPLE WHO
489
00:25:59,257 --> 00:26:00,125
RUN THAT COUNTRY.
490
00:26:00,191 --> 00:26:02,260
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A
QUICK BREAK.
491
00:26:02,327 --> 00:26:04,329
BUT WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
MORE SENATOR BERNIE SANDERS,
492
00:26:27,986 --> 00:26:30,855
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
493
00:26:30,922 --> 00:26:31,990
WELCOME BACK.
494
00:26:32,057 --> 00:26:35,093
WE'RE HERE WITH SENATOR BERNIE
SANDERS ON OUR LIVE "LATE
495
00:26:35,160 --> 00:26:35,994
SHOW"."
496
00:26:36,061 --> 00:26:38,797
ALL RIGHT, SENATOR, LET'S GET TO
ECONOMICS.
497
00:26:38,863 --> 00:26:40,098
TONIGHT, PRESIDENT BIDEN LAID
OUT HIS ECONOMIC PLAN.
498
00:26:40,165 --> 00:26:42,701
IT INCLUDED CUTTING THE COST OF
PRESCRIPTION DRUGS.
499
00:26:42,767 --> 00:26:44,469
CUTTING THE COST OF CHILD CARE.
500
00:26:44,536 --> 00:26:46,571
MAKING CORPORATIONS PAY THEIR
FAIR SHARE.
501
00:26:46,638 --> 00:26:51,743
IS IT-- IS IT FAIR TO SAY THAT
BIDEN WAS FEELING THE BERN
502
00:26:51,810 --> 00:26:52,210
TONIGHT?
503
00:26:52,277 --> 00:26:54,245
YOU'RE AN EXPERT.
504
00:26:54,312 --> 00:26:55,480
( APPLAUSE )
YOU'RE AN EXPERT ON THE BERN?
505
00:26:55,547 --> 00:27:00,919
>> WELL, THESE ARE, YOU KNOW,
BEFORE HE TOOK OFFICE, WE HAD A
506
00:27:00,986 --> 00:27:05,223
TASK FORCE OF PEOPLE FROM MY
CAMPAIGN AND HIS CAMPAIGN
507
00:27:05,290 --> 00:27:08,326
WORKING TOGETHER ON A SET OF
PROPOSALS.
508
00:27:08,393 --> 00:27:11,496
AND MUCH OF WHAT HE TALKED ABOUT
TONIGHT WAS JUST THAT.
509
00:27:11,563 --> 00:27:13,198
AND HERE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT
POINT.
510
00:27:13,264 --> 00:27:16,668
YOU KNOW, WE TALK ABOUT BEING A
DIVIDED NATION, AND IN MANY WAYS
511
00:27:16,735 --> 00:27:17,736
THAT'S TRUE.
512
00:27:17,802 --> 00:27:21,106
BUT IN SOME WAYS, STEPHEN, WE
ARE ABSOLUTELY UNITED.
513
00:27:21,172 --> 00:27:23,441
EVERYBODY HATES THE DRUG
COMPANIES.
514
00:27:23,508 --> 00:27:26,511
AND EVERYBODY-- EVERYBODY KNOWS
THAT IT IS ABSURD THAT WE IN
515
00:27:26,578 --> 00:27:31,916
SOME CASES PAY 10 TIMES MORE FOR
THE SAME EXACT DRUG SOLD IN
516
00:27:31,983 --> 00:27:36,121
CANADA OR EUROPE THAT ONE OUT OF
FOUR AMERICANS CANNOT AFFORD THE
517
00:27:36,187 --> 00:27:38,857
PRESCRIPTION DRUGS THAT THEIR
DOCTORS PRESCRIBE.
518
00:27:38,923 --> 00:27:43,161
MEANWHILE, THE COMPANIES MAKE
TENS OF BILLIONS IN PROFITS AND
519
00:27:43,228 --> 00:27:46,898
GIVE HUGE COMPENSATION PACKAGES
TO THEIR C.E.O.s.
520
00:27:46,965 --> 00:27:50,001
AND I WANT EVERYBODY TO KNOW
THIS-- WE ARE STRUGGLING RIGHT
521
00:27:50,068 --> 00:27:52,504
NOW TO LOWER THE COST OF
PRESCRIPTION DRUGS.
522
00:27:52,570 --> 00:27:59,044
THE DRUG COMPANIES HAVE SPENT AT
LEAST $300 MILLION ON LOBBYISTS
523
00:27:59,110 --> 00:28:00,845
ALONE.
524
00:28:00,912 --> 00:28:03,014
THEY'VE GOT 1,500 LOBBYISTS IN
WASHINGTON, D.C., TO MAKE SURE
525
00:28:03,081 --> 00:28:06,317
THAT WE CONTINUE PAYING THE
HIGHEST PRICES IN THE WORLD FOR
526
00:28:06,384 --> 00:28:07,552
PRESCRIPTION DRUGS.
527
00:28:07,619 --> 00:28:10,255
SO WHEN BIDEN SAYS WE'VE GOT TO
LOWER THE COST OF PRESCRIPTION
528
00:28:10,321 --> 00:28:12,991
DRUGS, THAT MEDICARE'S GOT TO
NEGOTIATE PRICES WITH THE
529
00:28:13,058 --> 00:28:16,227
PHARMACEUTICAL INDUSTRY, AS THE
V.A. NOW DOES, THE OVERWHELMING
530
00:28:16,294 --> 00:28:19,397
MAJORITY OF THE AMERICAN PEOPLE
SUPPORT HIM.
531
00:28:19,464 --> 00:28:21,232
THE OVERWHELMING MAJORITY OF THE
AMERICAN PEOPLE UNDERSTAND THAT
532
00:28:21,299 --> 00:28:26,237
IT IS ABSURD THAT FAMILIES ARE
PAYING $10,000, $15,000 A YEAR
533
00:28:26,304 --> 00:28:27,372
FOR CHILD CARE.
534
00:28:27,439 --> 00:28:30,041
WE'VE GOT TO LOWER THE COST OF
CHILD CARE SUBSTANTIALLY.
535
00:28:30,108 --> 00:28:33,945
I BELIEVE WE OUGHT TO EXPAND
MEDICARE TO COVER DENTAL,
536
00:28:34,012 --> 00:28:36,181
HEARING, AND EYEGLASSES.
537
00:28:36,247 --> 00:28:37,982
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
538
00:28:38,049 --> 00:28:42,087
>> Stephen: NOW, YOU-- YOU AND
JOE BIDEN, OBVIOUSLY, HAVE
539
00:28:42,153 --> 00:28:43,455
DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVES.
540
00:28:43,521 --> 00:28:47,492
IF YOU WERE UP THERE AT THAT
PODIUM TONIGHT, WHAT WOULD YOU
541
00:28:47,559 --> 00:28:50,495
SAY THE STATE OF OUR UNION IS?
542
00:28:50,562 --> 00:28:53,298
>> I WOULD SAY...
543
00:28:53,364 --> 00:28:55,333
THAT WE'RE AN ANXIOUS COUNTRY
RIGHT NOW.
544
00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:58,169
WE HAVE GONE THROUGH SO MUCH.
545
00:28:58,236 --> 00:29:03,174
BUT I THINK, AS HE INDICATED,
THE STRENGTH OF OUR COUNTRY IS
546
00:29:03,241 --> 00:29:04,342
ALWAYS THE PEOPLE.
547
00:29:04,409 --> 00:29:07,979
AND OUR HISTORY IS THAT WHEN
THINGS GET TOUGH, WE STAND UP
548
00:29:08,046 --> 00:29:09,214
AND WE FIGHT BACK.
549
00:29:09,280 --> 00:29:12,383
AND I THINK THE AMERICAN PEOPLE
ARE PREPARED TO DO THAT RIGHT
550
00:29:12,450 --> 00:29:15,053
NOW.
551
00:29:15,120 --> 00:29:22,527
( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: BIDEN KEPT LOOKING
552
00:29:22,594 --> 00:29:27,031
TO THE REPUBLICANS WHILE
PROMOTING HIS LEGISLATIVE
553
00:29:27,098 --> 00:29:28,133
AGENDA.
554
00:29:28,199 --> 00:29:32,837
HE COULD PASS MUCH OF THAT
AGENDA WITH ONLY DEMOCRATIC
555
00:29:32,904 --> 00:29:33,872
SUPPORT.
556
00:29:33,938 --> 00:29:36,841
SHOULD HE HAVE BEEN LOOKING AT
MAN INCH AND SINEMA.
557
00:29:36,908 --> 00:29:41,579
>> NO, WE'VE LOOKED AT THEM FOR
A LONG TIME AND IT'S THE SAD
558
00:29:41,646 --> 00:29:42,814
TRUTH.
559
00:29:42,881 --> 00:29:44,916
WHAT HE DIDN'T GET INTO ENOUGH
TONIGHT IS THE POWER OF MONEY IN
560
00:29:44,983 --> 00:29:46,084
POLITICS.
561
00:29:46,151 --> 00:29:48,853
LET'S BE VERY CLEAR-- WE HAVE A
CORRUPT POLITICAL SYSTEM.
562
00:29:48,920 --> 00:29:51,289
CANDIDATES AND MEMBERS OF BOTH
THE DEMOCRATIC AND REPUBLICAN
563
00:29:51,356 --> 00:29:54,159
PARTIES TAKE HUGE AMOUNTS OF
MONEY FROM THE PHARMACEUTICAL
564
00:29:54,225 --> 00:29:56,561
INDUSTRY, FROM THE FOSSIL FUEL
INDUSTRY.
565
00:29:56,628 --> 00:29:59,731
AND, UNFORTUNATELY, WE HAVE AT
LEAST TWO UNITED STATES SENATORS
566
00:29:59,797 --> 00:30:04,302
WHO ARE MORE INTERESTED IN
GETTING CAMPAIGN CONTRIBUTIONS
567
00:30:04,369 --> 00:30:07,005
FROM THE WEALTHY AND THE
POWERFUL THAN DOING THE WORK OF
568
00:30:07,071 --> 00:30:07,639
THE AMERICAN PEOPLE.
569
00:30:07,705 --> 00:30:08,273
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
570
00:30:08,339 --> 00:30:10,608
IT'S A SAD STATE OF AFFAIRS.
571
00:30:10,675 --> 00:30:15,013
BUT, YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT JUST--
IT'S NOT JUST MANCHIN AND
572
00:30:15,079 --> 00:30:16,214
SINEMA.
573
00:30:16,281 --> 00:30:17,682
YOU'VE GOT 50 REPUBLICANS, AND
NOT ONE OF THEM IS PREPARED TO
574
00:30:17,749 --> 00:30:21,486
STAND UP TO THE DRUG COMPANIES,
NOT ONE OF THEM IS PREPARED TO
575
00:30:21,553 --> 00:30:24,022
STAND UP TO THE FOSSIL FUEL
INDUSTRY.
576
00:30:24,088 --> 00:30:27,058
NOT ONE OF THEM, APPARENTLY, IS
PREPARED TO MAKE SURE THAT OUR
577
00:30:27,125 --> 00:30:30,195
CHILDREN HAVE QUALITY CHILD CARE
AND WOMEN CAN GO BACK TO WORK.
578
00:30:30,261 --> 00:30:33,865
SO YOU'VE GOT 50 REPUBLICANS WHO
HAVE GOT TO BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE
579
00:30:33,932 --> 00:30:36,000
IN THIS COMING ELECTION.
580
00:30:36,067 --> 00:30:36,935
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
581
00:30:37,001 --> 00:30:38,336
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE
ONE MORE BREAK.
582
00:30:38,403 --> 00:30:39,370
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE
BERNIE SANDERS.
583
00:30:40,138 --> 00:30:41,139
STICK AROUND.
584
00:30:53,051 --> 00:30:55,720
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
585
00:30:55,787 --> 00:31:02,961
BERNIE SANDERS AGAIN.
586
00:31:03,027 --> 00:31:07,865
NOW, BIDEN TONIGHT, IN THE STATE
OF THE UNION, HE PRAISED KETANJI
587
00:31:07,932 --> 00:31:08,933
BROWN JACKSON.
588
00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:13,771
THERE ARE, YOU KNOW, 50
DEMOCRATIC SENATORS, KAMALA
589
00:31:13,838 --> 00:31:15,873
HARRIS IS THE 51st VOTE.
590
00:31:15,940 --> 00:31:18,176
DO YOU THINK SHE WILL GO
THROUGH, OR WILL SOME OF THE
591
00:31:18,243 --> 00:31:19,944
SENATORS GO, "I DON'T KNOW.
592
00:31:20,011 --> 00:31:24,115
AM I REALLY A DEMOCRAT?"
>> WELL, I HOPE SHE WILL GO
593
00:31:24,182 --> 00:31:27,785
THROUGH, AND I WILL DO
EVERYTHING I CAN TO MAKE THAT
594
00:31:27,852 --> 00:31:28,987
HAPPEN.
595
00:31:29,053 --> 00:31:33,458
I THINK WE NEED PEOPLE ON THE
SUPREME COURT-- AND SHE IS, I
596
00:31:33,524 --> 00:31:37,462
THINK, WILL BE ONE OF THOSE
PEOPLE-- WHO UNDERSTANDS THAT WE
597
00:31:37,528 --> 00:31:41,766
NEED THE LAW TO WORK FOR
ORDINARY PEOPLE AND NOT JUST
598
00:31:41,833 --> 00:31:43,968
POWERFUL CORPORATE INTERESTS.
599
00:31:44,035 --> 00:31:47,138
( APPLAUSE )
I WILL DO-- I THINK BIDEN MADE
600
00:31:47,205 --> 00:31:48,706
THE RIGHT PICK.
601
00:31:48,773 --> 00:31:51,442
I KNOW THERE WAS A LOT OF
PRESSURE ON HIM TO GO IN OTHER
602
00:31:51,509 --> 00:31:53,578
DIRECTIONS, BUT I THINK HE MADE
THE RIGHT PICK.
603
00:31:53,645 --> 00:31:54,846
>> AND STRONGLY SUPPORT HER.
604
00:31:54,912 --> 00:31:56,047
( APPLAUSE ).
605
00:31:56,114 --> 00:31:59,550
>> Stephen: BIDEN ENDED THE
SPEECH TONIGHT, HE CONCLUDED BY
606
00:31:59,617 --> 00:32:04,489
SAYING AS HARD AS THESE TIMES
HAVE BEEN, I AM MORE OPTIMISTIC
607
00:32:04,555 --> 00:32:06,824
ABOUT AMERICA TODAY THAN I HAVE
BEEN MY WHOLE LIFE.
608
00:32:06,891 --> 00:32:09,761
DO YOU SHARE HIS OPTIMISM?
609
00:32:09,827 --> 00:32:10,662
>> NO.
610
00:32:10,728 --> 00:32:17,769
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: GET THAT DOWN.
611
00:32:17,835 --> 00:32:18,469
JUST N-O?
612
00:32:18,536 --> 00:32:19,070
THERE YOU GO.
613
00:32:19,137 --> 00:32:21,005
>> THAT'S HIS PERSONALITY.
614
00:32:21,072 --> 00:32:23,675
HE'S GENERALLY MORE OPTIMISTIC
THAN I AM.
615
00:32:23,741 --> 00:32:26,444
( LAUGHTER )
AND IT'S A GOOD THING.
616
00:32:26,511 --> 00:32:29,781
( APPLAUSE )
HE LIKES PEOPLE MORE THAN I LIKE
617
00:32:29,847 --> 00:32:30,448
PEOPLE.
618
00:32:30,515 --> 00:32:33,785
YOU KNOW, ONE OF THOSE THINGS.
619
00:32:33,851 --> 00:32:38,823
BUT I THINK, LOOK, THIS WILL BE
THE MOMENT THAT TESTS US IN A
620
00:32:38,890 --> 00:32:41,192
WAY WE HAVE NEVER BEEN TESTED IN
OUR LIFETIME.
621
00:32:41,259 --> 00:32:44,462
THE CRISES ARE THERE.
622
00:32:44,529 --> 00:32:45,663
THEY ARE SOLVABLE.
623
00:32:45,730 --> 00:32:49,767
AND THEY ARE SOLVABLE IF WE'RE
PREPARED TO FOCUS ON THEM, NOT
624
00:32:49,834 --> 00:32:54,205
GET DIVERTED, NOT ALLOW PEOPLE
TO GET US TO HATE EACH OTHER
625
00:32:54,272 --> 00:32:58,176
BECAUSE OF THE COLOR OF OUR SKIN
OR WHERE WE WERE BORN.
626
00:32:58,242 --> 00:33:01,612
BUT TO SAY, YOU KNOW, WHAT, FOR
THE SAKE OF OUR KIDS AND
627
00:33:01,679 --> 00:33:04,315
GRANDCHILDREN, WE'VE GOT TO DEAL
WITH CLIMATE.
628
00:33:04,382 --> 00:33:08,619
WE HAVE TO PROTECT AMERICAN
DEMOCRACY FROM THOSE WHO ARE
629
00:33:08,686 --> 00:33:11,589
TRYING TO UNDERMINE IT.
630
00:33:11,656 --> 00:33:15,960
THAT WE HAVE TO HAVE AN ECONOMY
THAT WORKS FOR ALL, AND NOT JUST
631
00:33:16,027 --> 00:33:17,195
THE 1%.
632
00:33:17,261 --> 00:33:22,767
AND THAT DESPITE WHAT PUTIN IS
DOING RIGHT NOW, AND OUR NEED TO
633
00:33:22,834 --> 00:33:23,668
DEFEND UKRAINE-- OF COURSE WE
HAVE TO DO THAT IT'S GOAL HAS
634
00:33:26,704 --> 00:33:29,707
GOT TO BE THAT SOME DAY THERE
WILL BE PEACE ON THIS PLANET
635
00:33:29,774 --> 00:33:33,211
RATHER THAN PEOPLE GOING AROUND
KILLING EACH OTHER.
636
00:33:33,277 --> 00:33:35,513
AND THAT'S WHAT YOU'VE GOT TO
HAVE.
637
00:33:35,580 --> 00:33:36,547
( APPLAUSE ).
638
00:33:36,614 --> 00:33:38,950
>> Stephen: WELL, I WOULD
SAY-- YOU SAY YOU'RE NOT
639
00:33:39,016 --> 00:33:41,819
OPTIMISTIC, YOU SAY YOU'RE NOT
AS OPTIMISTIC AS JOE BIDEN, BUT
640
00:33:41,886 --> 00:33:44,756
I WOULD SAY THE HOPE THAT THERE
CAN BE A DAY THAT THERE'S PEACE
641
00:33:44,822 --> 00:33:47,191
ON THIS PLANET IS AN OPTIMISTIC
THING TO SAY.
642
00:33:47,258 --> 00:33:48,393
>> IT IS.
643
00:33:48,459 --> 00:33:51,362
I'LL TELL YOU THIS, STEPHEN--
AND IT HAS BEEN A GREAT HONOR
644
00:33:51,429 --> 00:33:54,899
FOR ME TO HAVE RUN FOR PRESIDENT
AND ANY ALL OVER THIS COUNTRY.
645
00:33:54,966 --> 00:34:00,538
AND WHEN I STAND BEFORE OFTEN
THOUSANDS OF YOUNG PEOPLE,
646
00:34:00,605 --> 00:34:03,841
BLACK, LATINO, GAY, AND
STRAIGHT, AND ASIAN-- AND YOU
647
00:34:03,908 --> 00:34:06,778
SEE THEIR WILLINGNESS TO WORK
TOGETHER TO TRANSFORM THIS
648
00:34:06,844 --> 00:34:08,179
COUNTRY INTO A NATION OF
JUSTICE.
649
00:34:08,246 --> 00:34:09,781
THAT GIVES ME OPTIMISM.
650
00:34:09,847 --> 00:34:13,451
THAT'S WHERE WHAT OPTIMISM I
HAVE COMES FROM, IT'S FROM A
651
00:34:13,518 --> 00:34:16,320
GENERATION THAT REALLY WANTS TO
CHANGE THIS COUNTRY.
652
00:34:16,387 --> 00:34:17,422
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
653
00:34:17,488 --> 00:34:18,289
>> Stephen: SENATOR, THANK YOU
SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE.
654
00:34:18,356 --> 00:34:19,757
>> THANK YOU.
655
00:34:19,824 --> 00:34:22,760
>> Stephen: SENATOR BERNIE
SANDERS, EVERYBODY.
656
00:34:22,827 --> 00:34:24,762
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A
PERFORMANCE BY BIG THIEF.
657
00:34:24,829 --> 00:34:26,831
THANK YOU, SENATOR.
658
00:34:55,026 --> 00:34:56,194
>> Stephen: HERE PERFORMING
"SIMULATION SWARM" FROM THEIR
659
00:34:56,260 --> 00:35:04,302
ALBUM, "DRAGON NEW WARM MOUNTAIN
I BELIEVE IN YOU," BIG THIEF.
660
00:35:04,368 --> 00:35:19,250
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪ ♪ ♪
661
00:35:19,317 --> 00:35:20,284
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪ ♪ ♪
662
00:35:20,351 --> 00:35:23,654
♪ I TRIED TO TELL YOU
I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO STAY
663
00:35:23,721 --> 00:35:26,991
♪ YOU BELIEVE SHE
CAN SEE THROUGH
664
00:35:27,058 --> 00:35:31,529
♪ CUTTING AT THE SILENT CLAY
A RELIEF, BECKON DEEP BLUE
665
00:35:31,596 --> 00:35:34,432
♪ FETTERED IN THE MAGNET SUN
EAT THE GUN AS IT FEEDS YOU
666
00:35:34,499 --> 00:35:40,404
♪ SPITTING UP THE OXYGEN
ONCE AGAIN
667
00:35:40,471 --> 00:35:46,377
♪ ONCE AGAIN
ONCE AGAIN
668
00:35:46,444 --> 00:35:52,116
♪ EMPTY HORSES
GALLOP THROUGH THE VIOLET DOOR
669
00:35:52,183 --> 00:35:56,287
♪ FOLLOW RED, CROOKED COURSES
SHADOWS ON THE MONLIT FLOOR
670
00:35:56,354 --> 00:36:00,291
♪ O MY STARS, WINGED CREATURES
GATHERING IN SILKEN HEIGHT
671
00:36:00,358 --> 00:36:05,630
♪ LIKE THE LAST HUMAN TEACHERS
ONCE AGAIN, WE MUST BLEED NEW
672
00:36:05,696 --> 00:36:10,401
♪ EVEN AS THE HOURS SHAKE
CRYSTAL BLOOD LIKE A DREAM TRUE
673
00:36:10,468 --> 00:36:15,339
♪ A RIPPLE IN THE WOUND AND WAKE
YOU BELIEVE, I BELIEVE TOO
674
00:36:15,406 --> 00:36:19,243
♪ THAT YOU ARE THE
RIVER OF LIGHT
675
00:36:19,310 --> 00:36:22,413
♪ WHO I LOVE, THAT I CLING TO
IN THE BELLY OF THE EMPTY NIGHT
676
00:36:22,480 --> 00:36:28,286
♪ FROM THE 31ST FLOOR OF THE
SIMULATION SWARM
677
00:36:28,352 --> 00:36:31,389
♪ WITH THE DRONE OF FLUORESCENCE
FLICKER, FEVER, FILL THE FORM
678
00:36:31,455 --> 00:36:34,425
♪ WITH A WARM GUSH
NOW I WANNA TOUCH
679
00:36:34,492 --> 00:36:39,163
♪ LIKE WE NEVER COULD BEFORE
I'D FLY TO YOU TOMORROW
680
00:36:39,230 --> 00:36:41,933
♪ I'M NOT FIGHTING IN THIS WAR
I WANNA DROP MY ARMS
681
00:36:41,999 --> 00:36:48,306
♪ AND TAKE YOUR ARMS
AND WALK YOU TO THE SHORE
682
00:36:48,372 --> 00:36:52,276
♪ I REMEMBER BUILDING
AN ENERGY SHIELD
683
00:36:52,343 --> 00:36:56,514
♪ IN YOUR ROOM, LIKE A TEMPLE
SWALLOWS IN THE WINDLESS FIELD
684
00:36:56,581 --> 00:37:03,187
♪ VERY THIN, WITH YOUR MOTHER
TALL AS A PALE GREEN TREE
685
00:37:03,254 --> 00:37:07,858
♪ VERY WILD, BRIGHT AS WINTER
RISING WITH A PRISM KEY
686
00:37:07,925 --> 00:37:10,428
♪ AND A CHILD TO DELIVER
TAKEN WITH THE BLOOD AND VINE
687
00:37:10,494 --> 00:37:12,763
♪ AS THE FIRST LITTLE ANGEL
LITTLE ANDY, SOFT IN
688
00:37:20,304 --> 00:37:24,308
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
689
00:37:24,375 --> 00:37:31,949
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
690
00:37:32,016 --> 00:37:34,418
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
691
00:37:34,485 --> 00:37:39,590
LITTLE ANDY, SOFT IN
♪ YOUR NEWBORN SKIN
692
00:37:39,657 --> 00:37:44,328
ONLY ONE, LITTLE ANDY
♪ WILL YOU RETURN AGAIN?
693
00:37:44,395 --> 00:37:48,299
I BELIEVE WE CAN RENEW
♪ AND YOU COULD BE MY BROTHER
694
00:37:48,366 --> 00:37:52,303
ONCE AGAIN, FALL ASLEEP WITH OUR
♪ BACKS AGAINST EACH OTHER
695
00:37:52,370 --> 00:37:56,273
YOU BELIEVE, I BELIEVE TOO
♪ THAT YOU ARE THE RIVER
696
00:37:56,340 --> 00:37:58,643
OF LIGHT WHO I LOVE
♪ THAT I SING TO IN THE BELLY
697
00:37:58,709 --> 00:38:04,281
OF THE EMPTY NIGHT
♪ FROM THE 31ST FLOOR OF THE
698
00:38:04,348 --> 00:38:08,285
SIMULATION SWARM
♪ WITH THE DRONE OF FLUORESCENCE
699
00:38:08,352 --> 00:38:10,554
FLICKER, FEVER, FILL THE FORM
♪ WITH A WARM GUSH
700
00:38:10,621 --> 00:38:15,459
NOW I WANNA TOUCH
♪ LIKE WE NEVER COULD BEFORE
701
00:38:15,526 --> 00:38:19,730
I'D FLY TO YOU TOMORROW
♪ I'M NOT FIGHTING IN THIS WAR
702
00:38:19,797 --> 00:38:22,400
I WANNA DROP MY ARMS
♪ AND TAKE YOUR ARMS
703
00:38:22,466 --> 00:38:26,570
AND WALK YOU TO THE SHORE
♪ I'D FLY TO YOU TOMORROW
704
00:38:26,637 --> 00:38:28,706
I'M NOT FIGHTING IN THIS WAR
♪ I WANNA DROP MY ARMS
705
00:38:28,773 --> 00:38:36,280
AND TAKE YOUR ARMS ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
706
00:38:36,347 --> 00:38:44,321
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
707
00:38:44,388 --> 00:38:51,128
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
708
00:38:51,195 --> 00:38:56,300
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
709
00:38:56,367 --> 00:39:07,411
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
710
00:39:07,478 --> 00:39:08,446
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: BIG THIEF,
711
00:39:08,512 --> 00:39:12,283
EVERYBODY.
712
00:39:12,349 --> 00:39:17,254
FOLKS, THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE
SHOW."
713
00:39:17,321 --> 00:39:19,056
>> THIS IS OUR 35th LIVE
SHOW AND I WANT TO THANK
714
00:39:19,123 --> 00:39:21,859
EVERYBODY WHO PUT IT TOGETHER,
THE WRITERS, THE PRODUCERS, THIS
715
00:39:21,926 --> 00:39:24,061
CREW, THE GREATEST CONTROL ROOM
IN TELEVISION.
716
00:39:24,128 --> 00:39:32,303
AND YOU FOR WATCHING.
717
00:39:32,369 --> 00:39:34,105
TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS
WILL BE ANDY SERKIS AND FIONA
718
00:39:34,171 --> 00:39:34,638
HILL.
719
00:39:34,705 --> 00:39:35,473
JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT.