1 00:00:02,001 --> 00:00:04,371 >> 3,000 GOLDFISH COMPETED IN AN INTERNATIONAL BEAUTY PAGEANT IN 2 00:00:04,437 --> 00:00:06,306 SOUTHEAST CHINA HOPING TO WIN THE TITLE OF "WORLD GOLDFISH 3 00:00:06,373 --> 00:00:08,742 QUEEN." CONTESTANTS OF THE FIRST 4 00:00:08,808 --> 00:00:14,280 INTERNATIONAL GOLDFISH CHAMPIONSHIPS WERE PUT ON 5 00:00:14,347 --> 00:00:15,682 DISPLAY IN ROWS OF BOWLS IN FUZHOU, THE CAPITAL OF FUJIAN 6 00:00:15,749 --> 00:00:17,751 PROVINCE. 7 00:00:23,790 --> 00:00:26,292 >> LOOK, I APPRECIATE THE ATTENTION, BUT SHOULDN'T WE STAY 8 00:00:26,359 --> 00:00:28,628 FOCUSED ON UKRAINE RIGHT NOW? MY MEMORY ONLY LASTS EIGHT 9 00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:31,698 SECONDS, AND EVEN I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT. 10 00:00:31,765 --> 00:00:34,100 OH, NO, THE CAT! >> DON'T WORRY, FISH, I'M JUST A 11 00:00:34,167 --> 00:00:36,169 PEACEKEEPER. 12 00:00:36,536 --> 00:00:39,072 >> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT." 13 00:00:39,139 --> 00:00:43,076 TONIGHT: 14 00:00:43,143 --> 00:00:50,283 AND RESCUE DOG RESCUE CAN JOHN 15 00:00:50,350 --> 00:00:53,720 OLIVER. 16 00:00:53,787 --> 00:00:59,192 PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES: SAM WATERSTON 17 00:00:59,259 --> 00:01:02,629 AND SOPHIA BUSH 18 00:01:02,695 --> 00:01:05,698 FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN. 19 00:01:05,765 --> 00:01:09,836 AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE 20 00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:14,974 ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 21 00:01:15,041 --> 00:01:29,923 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 22 00:01:29,989 --> 00:01:31,825 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 23 00:01:31,891 --> 00:01:37,897 >> Stephen: I MISREAD IT. HEY! 24 00:01:37,964 --> 00:01:41,468 ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: HAPPY FRIDAY. 25 00:01:41,534 --> 00:01:44,337 HAPPY FRIDAY, EVERYBODY. THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. 26 00:01:44,404 --> 00:01:47,507 THANK YOU, FRIENDS. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. 27 00:01:47,574 --> 00:01:51,744 UP THERE, ALL AROUND. ♪ ♪ ♪ 28 00:01:51,811 --> 00:01:58,451 ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: WOOO! 29 00:01:58,518 --> 00:02:06,626 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THANK YOU! 30 00:02:06,693 --> 00:02:09,829 THANK YOU, FRIENDS. THERE YOU GO! 31 00:02:09,896 --> 00:02:14,634 WELCOME, DOWN HERE, UP THERE. WELCOME, ONE AND ALL, FRIENDS 32 00:02:14,701 --> 00:02:17,871 AND NEIGHBORS. WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW." 33 00:02:17,937 --> 00:02:20,707 I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. AND I JUST WANT TO START OUT-- 34 00:02:20,773 --> 00:02:22,742 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THAT IS SO PLEASANT. 35 00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:25,645 NOTHING LUKE A FRIDAY CROWD. >> Jon: FRIDAY CROWD. 36 00:02:25,712 --> 00:02:31,751 >> Stephen: NOTHING LIKE A FRIDAY CROWD. 37 00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:34,988 OH, HAPPY FRIDAY, EVERYBODY! TAKE IT, TAKE IT AND RUN. 38 00:02:35,054 --> 00:02:36,222 THE NEWS OUT OF UKRAINE IS STILL PRETTY BAD, AND IT'S CHANGING 39 00:02:36,289 --> 00:02:38,825 BY THE MINUTE. SO TONIGHT, WE THOUGHT WE'D 40 00:02:38,892 --> 00:02:42,595 TAKE A BREAK FROM TALKING ABOUT THE WAR, BECAUSE IT'S FRIDAY. 41 00:02:42,662 --> 00:02:47,700 AND IT'S TOTALLY NOT BECAUSE WE TAPED THIS YESTERDAY. 42 00:02:47,767 --> 00:02:51,704 ( LAUGHTER ) OUTFIT OUT OF SOLIDARITY WITH 43 00:02:51,771 --> 00:02:58,177 ME... YESTERDAY. SO, LET'S START THIS TOTAL 44 00:02:58,244 --> 00:03:02,482 FRIDAY SHOW OUT RIGHT WITH TWO PHRASES YOU DON'T OFTEN HEAR IN 45 00:03:02,549 --> 00:03:03,816 THE SAME SENTENCE: "GOOD NEWS" "PULMONARY DISEASE." 46 00:03:03,883 --> 00:03:05,718 BUT, IT TURNS OUT, THERE'S A BIT OF GOOD NEWS ABOUT COVID! 47 00:03:05,785 --> 00:03:10,089 ACROSS THE COUNTRY, NEW CASES HAVE PLUMMETED TO THEIR LOWEST 48 00:03:10,156 --> 00:03:11,891 LEVELS SINCE SEPTEMBER. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 49 00:03:11,958 --> 00:03:21,134 COME ON! I'LL TAKE IT. 50 00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:23,736 WHICH SEPTEMBER? NO WAY OF KNOWING. 51 00:03:23,803 --> 00:03:28,274 ( LAUGHTER ) WORKING FROM HOME, EMPLOYERS ARE 52 00:03:28,341 --> 00:03:32,045 NOW SAYING THAT RETURN-TO-OFFICE PLANS ARE REAL THIS TIME. 53 00:03:32,111 --> 00:03:35,715 HERE IN NEW YORK, MAYOR ERIC ADAMS TOOK A STRONG 54 00:03:35,782 --> 00:03:38,818 RETURN-TO-WORK STANCE, SAYING, "YOU CAN'T STAY HOME IN YOUR 55 00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:41,721 PAJAMAS ALL DAY." RIGHT YOU ARE, MAYOR ADAMS. 56 00:03:41,788 --> 00:03:45,558 WHEN I WORK FROM HOME, I WEAR NOTHING ALL DAY. 57 00:03:45,625 --> 00:03:52,865 ( LAUGHTER ) I JUST-- FREE AND EASY. 58 00:03:52,932 --> 00:03:55,802 I JUST PUT A LITTLE VASELINE OVER THE LENS. 59 00:03:55,868 --> 00:03:59,739 EVERYTHING LOOKS GREAT. YOU'VE NEVER-- OH, YOU'VE NEVER 60 00:03:59,806 --> 00:04:03,710 DONE IT! UNFORTUNATELY, GETTING FOLKS 61 00:04:03,776 --> 00:04:05,712 BACK TO THE OFFICE MIGHT NOT BE THAT EASY, BECAUSE MOST REMOTE 62 00:04:05,778 --> 00:04:11,117 WORKERS DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO THE OFFICE. 63 00:04:11,184 --> 00:04:12,752 WELL, THERE'S NO SURPRISE THERE. PEOPLE DON'T WANT TO BE TORN 64 00:04:12,819 --> 00:04:15,555 AWAY FROM THEIR LOVED ONES, BY WHICH I MEAN THEIR WET BAR. 65 00:04:15,622 --> 00:04:17,724 I KNOW I DON'T. LUCKILY, TODAY IS "BRING YOUR 66 00:04:17,790 --> 00:04:21,127 BOURBON TO WORK DAY." ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 67 00:04:21,194 --> 00:04:29,736 MMM. OH! 68 00:04:29,802 --> 00:04:35,742 OH. YOU... YOU MAKE DADDY SO PROUD. 69 00:04:35,808 --> 00:04:43,716 ( LAUGHTER ) NOW, THIS STORY ABOUT NOT GOING 70 00:04:43,783 --> 00:04:49,155 BACK TO WORK WAS SENT TO ME, LIKE MANY OF OUR STORIES, FROM 71 00:04:49,222 --> 00:04:51,724 OUR NEWS PRODUCER AND HEAD RESEARCHER, BRANDON. 72 00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:58,398 AND IT SEEMS A LITTLE PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE OF BRANDON, SINCE THE 73 00:04:58,464 --> 00:04:59,699 FULL HEADLINE HE SENT ME WAS, "EMPLOYERS TAKE NOTE: MOST 74 00:04:59,766 --> 00:05:03,603 REMOTE WORKERS DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO THE OFFICE." 75 00:05:03,670 --> 00:05:05,638 SUBTLE, BRANDON. SUBTLE. 76 00:05:05,705 --> 00:05:07,807 THAT, OF COURSE, CAME ALONGSIDE THE HEADLINES, "STUDY SAYS HEAD 77 00:05:07,874 --> 00:05:11,644 RESEARCHERS UNDERPAID," AND "CRISIS IN THE BREAK ROOM: WE'VE 78 00:05:11,711 --> 00:05:15,014 RUN OUT OF PRINGLES." "BRANDON DENIED FAVORITE SNACK." 79 00:05:15,081 --> 00:05:19,752 UP IN CANADA, POLICE FINALLY DISBANDED THE ANTI-VACCINE 80 00:05:19,819 --> 00:05:25,692 TRUCKER PROTESTS THIS WEEK. AND SO FAR, IT IS NOT GOING WELL 81 00:05:25,758 --> 00:05:27,760 FOR THE CANADIANS WHO GOT ARRESTED. 82 00:05:27,827 --> 00:05:29,762 IN A BAIL HEARING, THE HUSBAND OF ONE OF THE PROTEST ORGANIZERS 83 00:05:29,829 --> 00:05:31,898 TOLD THE CANADIAN COURT, "HONESTLY? 84 00:05:31,964 --> 00:05:36,469 I THOUGHT IT WAS A PEACEFUL PROTEST, AND BASED ON MY FIRST 85 00:05:36,536 --> 00:05:39,138 AMENDMENT, I THOUGHT THAT WAS PART OF OUR RIGHTS." 86 00:05:39,205 --> 00:05:41,708 TO WHICH THE CANADIAN JUDGE RESPONDED, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN, 87 00:05:41,774 --> 00:05:43,943 'FIRST AMENDMENT'? ( LAUGHTER ) 88 00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:50,316 YEAH, YOU'RE A CANADIAN! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 89 00:05:50,383 --> 00:05:57,824 THERE! THAT WAY, RIGHT? 90 00:05:57,890 --> 00:06:01,327 CANADIANS AREN'T PROTECTED BY THE U.S. CONSTITUTION! 91 00:06:01,394 --> 00:06:03,096 I'M PRETTY SURE CANADA'S FOUNDING FATHERS WERE GORDON 92 00:06:03,162 --> 00:06:07,800 LIGHTFOOT AND A VERY OPINIONATED BOWL OF POUTINE. 93 00:06:07,867 --> 00:06:12,238 ( LAUGHTER ) CANADIAN CONSTITUTION DOES HAVE 94 00:06:12,305 --> 00:06:16,375 A FIRST AMENDMENT, BUT THEIRS ISN'T ABOUT FREEDOM OF SPEECH. 95 00:06:16,442 --> 00:06:20,580 IT ESTABLISHED THE PROVINCE OF MANITOBA. 96 00:06:20,646 --> 00:06:24,650 BUT WHO KNOWS? MAYBE THE PROTESTER KNEW THAT: 97 00:06:24,717 --> 00:06:25,685 "YOUR HONOR, IT IS MY CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT TO BE 98 00:06:25,752 --> 00:06:27,754 DECLARED CANADA'S FIFTH MOST POPULOUS PROVINCE. 99 00:06:27,820 --> 00:06:29,956 I DEMAND TO BE BORDERED BY ONTARIO TO THE EAST AND 100 00:06:30,022 --> 00:06:34,260 SASKATCHEWAN TO THE WEST! GIVE ME GRAIN FARMING IN THE 101 00:06:34,327 --> 00:06:37,130 PEMBINNA VALLEY OR GIVE ME DEATH!" 102 00:06:37,196 --> 00:06:43,169 ( LAUGHTER ) PEMBINNA? 103 00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:55,181 PEM-BIN-A? DON'T KNOW. 104 00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:56,849 UNFORTUNATELY, IT LOOKS LIKE THE STUPID IS DRIVING SOUTH, BECAUSE 105 00:06:56,916 --> 00:06:58,918 SEVERAL TRUCKER CONVOYS ARE PLANNED TO HIT WASHINGTON, D.C. 106 00:06:58,985 --> 00:07:02,221 BUT IT'S A LITTLE LATE, FELLAS, BECAUSE ALL STATES BUT ONE ARE 107 00:07:02,288 --> 00:07:03,723 DROPPING THEIR MASK MANDATES, WITH THE ONLY HOLDOUT BEING 108 00:07:03,790 --> 00:07:10,963 HAWAII. YOU HEAR THAT, TRUCKERS? 109 00:07:11,030 --> 00:07:13,633 IF YOU REALLY BELIEVE IN WHAT YOU'RE PROTESTING, YOU'D 110 00:07:13,699 --> 00:07:15,735 BETTER DRIVE TO HAWAII. HERE'S HOW YOU DO IT! 111 00:07:15,802 --> 00:07:25,878 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HERE'S ALL YOU DO. 112 00:07:25,945 --> 00:07:29,816 HERE'S WHAT YOU DO. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). 113 00:07:29,882 --> 00:07:36,189 ♪ ♪ ♪ GO NORTH UP THE PACIFIC COAST 114 00:07:36,255 --> 00:07:41,761 HIGHWAY, AND TAKE A HARD LEFT. ( LAUGHTER ) 115 00:07:41,828 --> 00:07:46,999 DOWN TO TRUCK IT HAVE A LOT LESS TO TRUCK AROUND THESE DAS. 116 00:07:47,066 --> 00:07:48,467 I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT THE ONGOING SUPPLY CHAIN ISSUES IN 117 00:07:48,534 --> 00:07:49,569 TONIGHT'S "CARGO UNCHAINED: COOKIES, GAMES, AND DEATH 118 00:07:49,635 --> 00:07:55,708 EDITION." >> FUN! 119 00:07:55,775 --> 00:07:59,645 SAD! >> Stephen: FIRST UP, I HOPE 120 00:07:59,712 --> 00:08:02,548 YOU'RE NOT HUNGRY, BECAUSE SUPPLY CHAIN PROBLEMS HAVE HIT 121 00:08:02,615 --> 00:08:05,718 THE GIRL SCOUT COOKIE PROGRAM. THIS IS THE BIGGEST CRISIS TO 122 00:08:05,785 --> 00:08:07,119 HIT THE COOKIE INDUSTRY SINCE DEFORESTATION BROUGHT DOWN 123 00:08:07,186 --> 00:08:11,557 THE KEEBLER TREE. ( LAUGHTER ) 124 00:08:11,624 --> 00:08:17,763 SAID SHE ENCOURAGES PEOPLE LOOKING FOR A SPECIFIC COOKIE TO 125 00:08:17,830 --> 00:08:22,401 HIT THE BOOTHS QUICKLY TO ENSURE THEY CAN GET THEIR FAVORITES. 126 00:08:22,468 --> 00:08:26,305 OKAY, GET THERE EARLY. EITHER THAT, OR THEY'RE GOING TO 127 00:08:26,372 --> 00:08:27,473 NEED TO HIT THE BLACK MARKET. "PSST, I HEAR YOU'VE GOT THE 128 00:08:27,540 --> 00:08:28,641 HOOKUP. WHAT? 129 00:08:28,708 --> 00:08:35,047 NO, I GOT PLENTY OF WEED. THAT'S WHY I NEED FIVE BAGS OF 130 00:08:35,114 --> 00:08:43,756 TAGALONGS." ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 131 00:08:43,823 --> 00:08:46,225 SPORTS, BECAUSE THERE'S WIDESPREAD SHORTAGES OF BASEBALL 132 00:08:46,292 --> 00:08:51,697 GEAR SUCH AS HELMETS, GLOVES AND CLEATS. 133 00:08:51,764 --> 00:08:53,733 SO, YOU CAN TOTALLY STILL PLAY BASEBALL, AS LONG AS YOU DON'T 134 00:08:53,799 --> 00:08:59,739 RUN, CATCH, OR GO ANYWHERE NEAR THE BALL-- WHICH WAS THE 135 00:08:59,805 --> 00:09:03,743 FIELDING STRATEGY FOR THIS KID. HANG IN THERE, BUDDY! 136 00:09:03,809 --> 00:09:07,446 HANG IN THERE, BUDDY! ONE DAY, "DUNGEONS & DRAGONS" 137 00:09:07,513 --> 00:09:10,149 WILL BE COOL! IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN. 138 00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:15,454 IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 139 00:09:15,521 --> 00:09:19,759 TO DEATH, YOU MIGHT WANT TO THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU KICK THE 140 00:09:19,825 --> 00:09:21,727 BUCKET, BECAUSE SUPPLY CHAIN ISSUES ARE ALSO HITTING 141 00:09:21,794 --> 00:09:24,030 HEADSTONE MAKERS. SO, IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR A 142 00:09:24,096 --> 00:09:28,234 TOMBSTONE, YOU MIGHT HAVE TO STOP BY A SPIRIT HALLOWEEN. 143 00:09:28,301 --> 00:09:32,038 ( LAUGHTER ) ( LAUGHTER ) 144 00:09:32,104 --> 00:09:38,844 THERE'S NEW BAD HOLLYWOOD NEWS, AND IT'S NOT JUST THAT CHANNING 145 00:09:38,911 --> 00:09:41,747 TATUM IS IN THAT NEW DOG MOVIE AND HIS SHIRT STAYS ON THE WHOLE 146 00:09:41,814 --> 00:09:51,757 TIME. THE ACADEMY-- THE ACADEMY AWARD 147 00:09:51,824 --> 00:09:53,826 HAS JUST ANNOUNCED THAT EIGHT OSCAR CATEGORIES, 148 00:09:53,893 --> 00:09:56,896 INCLUDING ORIGINAL SCORE, PRODUCTION DESIGN, AND FILM 149 00:09:56,963 --> 00:09:58,497 EDITING, WON'T BE TELECAST LIVE THIS YEAR, BUT WILL INSTEAD BE 150 00:09:58,564 --> 00:09:59,966 RECORDED AND WILL THEN BE EDITED INTO THE SUBSEQUENT LIVE 151 00:10:00,032 --> 00:10:01,901 BROADCAST. SO, TO RECAP: THEY'RE GOING TO 152 00:10:01,968 --> 00:10:03,602 DISRESPECT EDITORS, AND THEN ASK A BUNCH OF EDITORS TO EDIT AN 153 00:10:03,669 --> 00:10:07,807 EDITOR'S SPEECH INTO THE BROADCAST. 154 00:10:07,873 --> 00:10:09,809 AND THE OSCAR FOR BEST DRAMA GOES TO... 155 00:10:09,875 --> 00:10:14,880 WHOEVER THOUGHT OF THAT. ( LAUGHTER ) 156 00:10:14,947 --> 00:10:17,016 TIME FROM THE SHOW, IT SHOULDN'T COME OUT OF THE SPEECHES OF OUR 157 00:10:17,083 --> 00:10:18,684 INDUSTRY'S HARD-WORKING CRAFTSMEN. 158 00:10:18,751 --> 00:10:22,388 IT SHOULD COME OUT OF EVERYONE'S SPEECHES. 159 00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:26,525 OKAY, YOU GET 10 SECONDS ON THE CLOCK FOR EVERYBODY. 160 00:10:26,592 --> 00:10:28,861 YOU CAN THANK GOD OR YOUR FAMILY, BUT NOT BOTH. 161 00:10:28,928 --> 00:10:31,764 AND IF YOU GO ONE SECOND LONGER, YOU GET TACKLED BY SHREK. 162 00:10:31,831 --> 00:10:36,335 HE NEEDS THE WORK. ELSEWHERE IN THE SHOW BIZ THAT 163 00:10:36,402 --> 00:10:39,705 WE CALL "THE INDUSTRY," THERE'S BIG NEWS FOR FANS OF READING 164 00:10:39,772 --> 00:10:43,743 ABOUT MUSIC, BECAUSE BRITNEY SPEARS HAS SIGNED A BOOK DEAL. 165 00:10:43,809 --> 00:10:45,478 THAT'S RIGHT! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 166 00:10:45,544 --> 00:10:51,083 IT'S BRITNEY, BOOK! ( LAUGHTER ) 167 00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:54,720 WHETHER THAT WOULD SELL. I WAS WONDERING IF THAT JOKE 168 00:10:54,787 --> 00:10:58,391 WOULD SELL, BUT IT DID. DID I SELL IT? 169 00:10:58,457 --> 00:11:03,262 >> Jon: YEAH! >> Stephen: WE DON'T HAVE MANY 170 00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:06,532 DETAILS, JUST THAT IT'S A TELL-ALL MEMOIR, AND THE DEAL IS 171 00:11:06,599 --> 00:11:09,935 REPORTEDLY WORTH $15 MILLION. THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY! 172 00:11:10,002 --> 00:11:14,240 SHE'LL FINALLY HAVE ENOUGH TO BUY MIDDLES FOR HER SHIRTS. 173 00:11:14,306 --> 00:11:18,044 ( LAUGHTER ) "ONE OF THE BIGGEST OF ALL TIME, 174 00:11:18,110 --> 00:11:20,046 BEHIND THE OBAMAS." WELL, THEIR BOOKS ACTUALLY DO 175 00:11:20,112 --> 00:11:24,216 HAVE A LOT IN COMMON. AFTER ALL, THE WORKING TITLE FOR 176 00:11:24,283 --> 00:11:28,354 BRITNEY'S MEMOIR IS "DREAMS OF GETTING AWAY FROM MY FATHER." 177 00:11:28,421 --> 00:11:31,724 WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. 178 00:11:31,791 --> 00:11:35,761 MY GUESTS ARE SAM WATERSTON AND SOPHIA BUSH. 179 00:11:35,828 --> 00:11:37,930 BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, FOLKS, IT'S JON OLIVER AND 180 00:11:37,997 --> 00:11:39,999 PUPPIES! LITTLE PUPPIES! 181 00:12:10,996 --> 00:12:17,236 GIVE IT UP FOR JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN. 182 00:12:17,303 --> 00:12:24,877 THERE YOU GO. JON, HAPPY FRIDAY. 183 00:12:24,944 --> 00:12:27,246 >> Jon: HAPPY FRIDAY. >> Stephen: HAPPY FRIDAY TO 184 00:12:27,313 --> 00:12:29,949 YOU. >> Jon: HAPPY FRIDAY. 185 00:12:30,015 --> 00:12:31,984 >> Jon: OH, MAN. >> Stephen: WE HAVE SOME HAPPY 186 00:12:32,051 --> 00:12:34,420 GUESTS TONIGHT. WE HAVE THE ONE, THE ONLY, THE 187 00:12:34,487 --> 00:12:39,058 AMERICAN TREASURE, SAM WATERSTON IS HERE TONIGHT. 188 00:12:39,125 --> 00:12:40,126 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). THE EYEBROWS. 189 00:12:40,192 --> 00:12:41,961 >> Jon: OH, YEAH, THE EYEBROWS. 190 00:12:42,027 --> 00:12:46,065 >> Stephen: WITH HIS EYEBROWS. AND STAR OF THE NEW CBS MEDICAL 191 00:12:46,132 --> 00:12:50,069 DRAMA "GOOD SAM," SOPHIA BUSH IS GOING TO BE OUT HERE TONIGHT, 192 00:12:50,136 --> 00:12:52,104 TOO. LOVELY YOUNG LADY, VERY 193 00:12:52,171 --> 00:12:57,910 TALENTED. MET HER AT THE EMMYS, VERY NICE. 194 00:12:57,977 --> 00:13:00,112 WHILE THE SITUATION IN UKRAINE IS VERY DIRE, I HAVE FOUND IN 195 00:13:00,179 --> 00:13:05,718 ALL MY YEARS OF BROADCASTING, THAT AS A COUNTERPOINT TO 196 00:13:05,784 --> 00:13:08,087 DEPRESSING THINGS, PUPPIES ARE ADORABLE. 197 00:13:08,154 --> 00:13:13,459 ( APPLAUSE ) ADORABLE, THAT WE CREATED A 198 00:13:13,526 --> 00:13:14,927 WHOLE SEGMENT CALLED "RESCUE DOG RESCUE," WHERE WE HELP FIND 199 00:13:14,994 --> 00:13:19,031 HOMES FOR REAL RESCUE PUPPIES. AND I'M PROUD TO SAY THAT SO 200 00:13:19,098 --> 00:13:21,534 FAR, WE HAVE A PERFECT RECORD OF EVERY SINGLE DOG WE'VE FEATURED 201 00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:24,103 GETTING ADOPTED! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 202 00:13:24,170 --> 00:13:32,845 COME ON, A LITTLE GOOD NEWS. THAT'S WHAT WE PROVIDE HERE! 203 00:13:32,912 --> 00:13:34,079 WHICH IS WHY I'M SO EXCITED TO ANNOUNCE IT'S TIME FOR ANOTHER 204 00:13:34,146 --> 00:13:36,849 EDITION OF "RESCUE DOG RESCUE!" ♪ ♪ ♪ 205 00:13:36,916 --> 00:13:43,055 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 206 00:13:43,122 --> 00:13:49,828 WELCOME TO "RESCUE DOG RESCUE." HERE'S HOW SHE WORKS: WE'RE 207 00:13:49,895 --> 00:13:51,096 ABOUT TO SHOW YOU SOME ADORABLE PUPPIES THAT ARE ACTUALLY 208 00:13:51,163 --> 00:13:55,467 UP FOR ADOPTION THROUGH "NORTH SHORE ANIMAL LEAGUE AMERICA." 209 00:13:55,534 --> 00:13:57,369 AND TO MAKE SURE THESE DOGS FIND A HOME, WE HAVE MADE UP 210 00:13:57,436 --> 00:13:59,438 FLATTERING LIES ABOUT EACH OF THEM TO MAKE YOU WANT TO ADOPT 211 00:13:59,505 --> 00:14:03,008 THEM EVEN MORE. NOW, IF ONLY THERE WERE SOME 212 00:14:03,075 --> 00:14:05,878 CELEBRITY WILLING TO TAKE ON THE CHALLENGE OF FINDING THESE DOGS 213 00:14:05,945 --> 00:14:09,014 FOOD AND SHELTER. >> HELLO STEPHEN! 214 00:14:09,081 --> 00:14:11,083 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) IT'S-- LOOK AT THAT! 215 00:14:25,464 --> 00:14:27,900 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: YES, JOHN? 216 00:14:27,967 --> 00:14:32,037 >> DO I COUNT AS A CELEBRITY? >> Stephen: IS ANYONE ELSE OUT 217 00:14:32,104 --> 00:14:38,477 THERE? >> IT'S A LEGITIMATE QUESTION, 218 00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:42,715 AND THE ANSWER'S NO. >> Stephen: THEN, YES, YOU'RE 219 00:14:42,781 --> 00:14:44,049 A CELEBRITY. JOHN, WOULD YOU LIKE TO HELP ME 220 00:14:44,116 --> 00:14:45,217 LIE ABOUT SOME DOGS? >> YOU MEAN LIKE THAT TIME I 221 00:14:45,284 --> 00:14:46,452 HELPED YOU LIE ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT DRIFTER IN 222 00:14:46,518 --> 00:14:47,786 TAMPA? >> Stephen: WHAT DRIFTER? 223 00:14:47,853 --> 00:14:53,259 >> THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. 224 00:14:53,325 --> 00:15:00,332 >> Stephen: OKAY! TIME TO MEET SOME PUPPIES. 225 00:15:00,399 --> 00:15:01,667 FIRST UP, SAY HELLO TO CHI CHI. CHI CHI HAS BEEN SPECIALLY BRED 226 00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:03,669 TO BE ABLE TO SMELL THE EXACT MOMENT THAT HOT PIZZA BECOMES 227 00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:05,471 EDIBLE. ADOPT CHI CHI, AND YOU'LL 228 00:15:05,537 --> 00:15:11,076 NEVER BURN THE ROOF OF YOUR MOUTH AGAIN. 229 00:15:11,143 --> 00:15:14,880 ( APPLAUSE ) ON, BUDDY. 230 00:15:14,947 --> 00:15:23,922 THIS RIGHT HERE, THIS IS LEON. LEON HAS THE ABILITY TO SENSE 231 00:15:23,989 --> 00:15:25,190 EXACTLY WHEN YOU'RE ABOUT TO GO TO THE GYM, AND AT THAT MOMENT 232 00:15:25,257 --> 00:15:27,059 LOOKS SUPER SAD SO YOU HAVE TO STAY AND SNUGGLE WITH HIM. 233 00:15:27,126 --> 00:15:29,728 IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT YOU DIDN'T DO YOUR CARDIO. 234 00:15:29,795 --> 00:15:32,031 WHAT WERE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO? LOOK AT LEON'S EYES! 235 00:15:32,097 --> 00:15:36,702 LOOK AT THEM! LEON, THE CAMERA IS THERE. 236 00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:42,941 >> Stephen: THIS HERE-- >> STRAIGHT DOWN THE LENS. 237 00:15:43,008 --> 00:15:44,743 >> Stephen: THIS IS LIL' SAMMIE. COME HERE, SAMMIE. 238 00:15:44,810 --> 00:15:47,079 HEY, BUDDY. LIL' SAMMIE'S UNCLE CAN GET YOU 239 00:15:47,146 --> 00:15:50,182 A GREAT DISCOUNT ON A PREMIUM FLATSCREEN. 240 00:15:50,249 --> 00:15:55,154 JUST TELL BIG SAMMIE LIL' SAMMIE SENT YOU. 241 00:15:55,220 --> 00:15:59,425 DON'T ASK TOO MANY QUESTIONS. ( APPLAUSE ) 242 00:15:59,491 --> 00:16:03,796 RIGHT. IT'S ALL RIGHT. 243 00:16:03,862 --> 00:16:06,231 THIS RIGHT HERE, THIS IS CAPTAIN. 244 00:16:06,298 --> 00:16:09,101 NOW, WILL CAPTAIN WATCH YOU HAVE SEX? 245 00:16:09,168 --> 00:16:13,005 HONESTLY, YES, BUT NOT FROM AN ANGLE WHERE YOU CAN SEE HIM. 246 00:16:13,072 --> 00:16:16,608 AND HE GIVES VERY CONSTRUCTIVE NOTES AFTERWARDS. 247 00:16:16,675 --> 00:16:18,811 SO THANK YOU, CAPTAIN. >> Stephen: THAT'S NICE. 248 00:16:18,877 --> 00:16:23,082 THAT'S NICE. >> THERE WE GO! 249 00:16:23,148 --> 00:16:25,918 >> Stephen: THIS IS RUTHIE. RUTHIE HERE INVENTED THE KISS 250 00:16:25,984 --> 00:16:27,986 CAM THEY PUT ON SCREEN AT SPORTING EVENTS. 251 00:16:28,053 --> 00:16:31,090 AND SHE GETS A CHECK EVERY TIME THEY USE IT. 252 00:16:31,156 --> 00:16:35,994 SO ADOPT HER, AND ALL THAT MONEY COULD SOON BE YOURS. 253 00:16:36,061 --> 00:16:38,030 AND, UH-OH! IT'S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW. 254 00:16:38,097 --> 00:16:42,601 >> NO, NO, NO. NO, NO! 255 00:16:42,668 --> 00:16:51,076 >> Stephen: HERE WE GO! >> THERE YOU GO! 256 00:16:51,143 --> 00:16:55,080 >> Stephen: I THINK THEY MIGHT HAVE-- I THINK THEY MIGHT HAVE 257 00:16:55,147 --> 00:17:00,419 TURNED ON PEE CAM JUST THEN. >> I NEVER FELT MORE LIKE 258 00:17:00,486 --> 00:17:06,792 PATRICK WILSON. >> THIS IS SPRINKLES. 259 00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:11,096 HE IS NOT JUST A DOG. HE IS ALSO AN N.F.T. 260 00:17:11,163 --> 00:17:13,599 NOW, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? ADOPT HIM, AND YOU'RE PROBABLY A 261 00:17:13,665 --> 00:17:15,601 BILLIONAIRE! PLUS, WHEN THE MARKET INEVITABLY 262 00:17:15,667 --> 00:17:22,441 CRASHES AND EVERY OTHER N.F.T. INVESTOR'S LIFE IS TOTALLY 263 00:17:22,508 --> 00:17:24,376 RUINED, YOU STILL HAVE SPRINKLES! 264 00:17:24,443 --> 00:17:26,145 WHOSE CUTENESS CARRIES INTRINSIC VALUE NOT BASED ON MANUFACTURING 265 00:17:26,211 --> 00:17:31,083 SCARCITY IN A VOLATILE MARKET? YOURS DOES! 266 00:17:31,150 --> 00:17:34,286 YOUR DOES, SPRINKLES. YES, IT DOES! 267 00:17:34,353 --> 00:17:39,091 YES,s IT DOES! >> Stephen: SAY HELLO TO 268 00:17:39,158 --> 00:17:43,028 WALDO. LOOK THERE. 269 00:17:43,095 --> 00:17:45,798 WALDO HERE LOVES LITERATURE. IN FACT, HE JUST DEVOURED THE 270 00:17:45,864 --> 00:17:49,735 COMPLETE WORKS OF FAULKNER, AND HE'LL POOP IT OUT ANY DAY NOW. 271 00:17:49,802 --> 00:17:55,073 ( LAUGHTER ) >> IT'S OKAY. 272 00:17:55,140 --> 00:17:58,444 OKAY. THIS IS-- THIS IS-- YOU'RE 273 00:17:58,510 --> 00:18:03,081 RIGHT, IT'S MARVIN. MARVIN IS THE WORLD'S WEALTHIEST 274 00:18:03,148 --> 00:18:06,752 DOG. IN FACT, MARVIN BUILT A SPACE 275 00:18:06,819 --> 00:18:09,054 ROCKET WAY BEFORE ELON MUSK AND JEFF BEZOS, AND HIS DOESN'T LOOK 276 00:18:09,121 --> 00:18:13,292 LIKE A PENIS. WELL, NOT A HUMAN ONE. 277 00:18:13,358 --> 00:18:23,101 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: THIS IS MILES. 278 00:18:23,168 --> 00:18:29,074 MILES IS A HIGH-POWERED EXECUTIVE AT HBO. 279 00:18:29,141 --> 00:18:30,609 ADOPT MILES, AND YOU'LL BE THE FIRST TO HEAR ALL THE NETWORK'S 280 00:18:30,676 --> 00:18:32,911 SHOW'S EXCITING PLOT LINES BEFORE THEY HAPPEN. 281 00:18:32,978 --> 00:18:35,147 YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHICH BELOVED LEAD CHARACTER GETS KILLED OFF 282 00:18:35,214 --> 00:18:38,617 THIS SEASON! >> OH, OH, OH, IS IT KENDALL 283 00:18:38,684 --> 00:18:43,055 FROM "SUCCESSION"?! >> Stephen: NO SPOILERS, JOHN. 284 00:18:43,121 --> 00:18:51,063 LET'S JUST SAY IT WILL BE SOMEBODY'S LAST WEEK TONIGHT. 285 00:18:51,129 --> 00:18:57,102 >> OH, OH, OH, I GET IT! I GET IT STEPHEN 286 00:18:57,169 --> 00:18:58,904 IS IT RUE FROM "EUPHORIA"? ( LAUGHTER ). 287 00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:04,877 >> GOOD PICK. DOES IT FOR "RESCUE DOG 288 00:19:04,943 --> 00:19:06,278 RESCUE"! HEAD TO "THE LATE SHOW'S" 289 00:19:06,345 --> 00:19:07,412 WEBSITE: Colbertlateshow.com FOR INFO ON 290 00:19:07,479 --> 00:19:08,881 HOW TO ADOPT THESE DOGS FROM NORTH SHORE ANIMAL LEAGUE 291 00:19:08,947 --> 00:19:14,720 AMERICA. IT'S JOHN OLIVER, EVERYBODY! 292 00:19:14,786 --> 00:19:15,787 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). 293 00:19:34,973 --> 00:19:39,278 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! WELCOME BACK! 294 00:19:39,344 --> 00:19:41,914 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT HAS BEEN CHARMING 295 00:19:41,980 --> 00:19:43,549 AUDIENCES ON STAGE AND SCREEN FOR OVER 50 YEARS. 296 00:19:43,615 --> 00:19:45,484 YOU KNOW HIM FROM "GRACE AND FRANKIE," "THE NEWSROOM," AND 297 00:19:45,551 --> 00:19:47,553 "LAW & ORDER." PLEASE WELCOME, SAM WATERSTON. 298 00:20:23,021 --> 00:20:31,964 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: LOVELY TO SEE YOU. 299 00:20:32,030 --> 00:20:34,633 >> Stephen: YOU GOT A NICE-- >> THAT'S ALL I NEEDED. 300 00:20:34,700 --> 00:20:39,538 >> Stephen: I'M NOT SURPRISED, BECAUSE WHILE YOU'VE DONE COMEDY 301 00:20:39,605 --> 00:20:42,741 BITS WITH US ON THIS SHOW AND THE PREVIOUS SHOW MANY TIMES 302 00:20:42,808 --> 00:20:45,010 OVER THE YEARS. I'VE NEVER ACTUALLY HAD A CHANCE 303 00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:46,778 TO SIT DOWN AND TALK WITH YOU. >> I KNOW. 304 00:20:46,845 --> 00:20:48,547 >> Stephen: AND MY UNDERSTANDING IS YOU HAVEN'T 305 00:20:48,614 --> 00:20:50,248 DONE THIS KIND OF STUFF IN FOREVER. 306 00:20:50,315 --> 00:20:52,050 >> NO. >> Stephen: FIRST OF ALL, WHAT 307 00:20:52,117 --> 00:20:54,786 GIVES? AND, SECOND, WHAT'S DIFFERENT 308 00:20:54,853 --> 00:20:57,923 NOW? >> WELL, WHY NOT DO IT? 309 00:20:57,990 --> 00:21:00,325 >> Stephen: YEAH, WHY NOT DO IT? 310 00:21:00,392 --> 00:21:02,828 >> BECAUSE IT'S TERRIFYING. >> Stephen: IS IT REALLY? 311 00:21:02,894 --> 00:21:04,663 IT'S MORE TERRIFYING THAN ACTING? 312 00:21:04,730 --> 00:21:05,664 >> OH, YEAH, MUCH. >> Stephen: WHY? 313 00:21:05,731 --> 00:21:09,167 >> BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO MAKE UP YOUR OWN WORDS. 314 00:21:09,234 --> 00:21:11,637 >> Stephen: THAT'S TRUE. YOU HAVE TO IMPROVISE A LITTLE 315 00:21:11,703 --> 00:21:13,905 BIT. >> YEAH, YOU HAVE TO MAKE THINGS 316 00:21:13,972 --> 00:21:15,173 UP. >> Stephen: WHY NOW, SAM 317 00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:18,777 WATERSTON? >> WELL, I'M ONE. 318 00:21:18,844 --> 00:21:22,447 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) FANTASTIC. 319 00:21:22,514 --> 00:21:25,751 >> AND AFTER A WHILE, YOU KNOW, YOU START TO THINK MAYBE IF YOU 320 00:21:25,817 --> 00:21:30,455 HAVE ANYTHING YOU WANT TO SAY, YOU BETTER SAY IT. 321 00:21:30,522 --> 00:21:32,424 ( LAUGHTER ) SAM. 322 00:21:32,491 --> 00:21:36,795 KEEP IT LIGHT. ( LAUGHTER ) 323 00:21:36,862 --> 00:21:41,166 FRONT OF A LIVE AUDIENCE. HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE IN FRONT 324 00:21:41,233 --> 00:21:45,103 OF A LIVE AUDIENCE AGAIN? >> IT IS FABULOUS! 325 00:21:45,170 --> 00:21:48,373 ( APPLAUSE ) AND I'M NOT SURE-- I'M SURE YOU 326 00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:52,244 TELL THEM ALL THE TIME, AND, YOU KNOW, DO YOU REALIZE HOW LUCKY 327 00:21:52,310 --> 00:21:54,713 YOU ARE? >> Stephen: OH, TO BE IN THIS 328 00:21:54,780 --> 00:21:56,348 HERE? >> AND TO HAVE AN AUDIENCE. 329 00:21:56,415 --> 00:21:59,651 >> Stephen: WITHOUT A DOUBT. >> NIGHT AFTER NIGHT AAFTER 330 00:21:59,718 --> 00:22:01,486 NIGHT. >> Stephen: AND AN AUDIENCE 331 00:22:01,553 --> 00:22:02,888 LIKE THIS. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). 332 00:22:02,954 --> 00:22:04,389 THESE PEOPLE-- >> BECAUSE PEOPLE WHO MAKE TV 333 00:22:04,456 --> 00:22:10,529 AND MAKE MEMBERS AND STUFF LIKE THAT, VERY COMMONLY DO IT 334 00:22:10,595 --> 00:22:12,531 WITHOUT AN AUDIENCE. >> Stephen: RIGHT, AND I DON'T 335 00:22:12,597 --> 00:22:16,401 UNDERSTAND THAT AT ALL. >> NO GLEPS WHEN YOU'RE DOING 336 00:22:16,468 --> 00:22:20,706 COMEDY, YOU KNOW IF IT'S WORKING IF THE AUDIENCE MAKES THIS 337 00:22:20,772 --> 00:22:21,873 SOUND. >> YES. 338 00:22:21,940 --> 00:22:23,742 >> Stephen: WITH THEIR MOUTH. OTHER THAN THAT, IT'S JUST 339 00:22:23,809 --> 00:22:25,577 THEORY. IT'S LIKE READING SHEET MUSIC. 340 00:22:25,644 --> 00:22:26,778 >> EXACTLY. >> Stephen: THAT'S THE MUSIC 341 00:22:26,845 --> 00:22:27,979 OUT OF THERE. >> THERE WAS A SILENT FILM 342 00:22:28,046 --> 00:22:31,650 STAR-- HAROLD LLOYD OR BUSTER KEATON, ONE OF THOSE BOYS, AT 343 00:22:31,717 --> 00:22:35,053 LURCH HOUR HE USED TO LEAVE THE STUDIO ON HOLLYWOOD AND GO OUT 344 00:22:35,120 --> 00:22:38,957 ON THE SIDEWALK AND PERFORM FOR THE PASSERSBY JUST TO GET A DOSE 345 00:22:39,024 --> 00:22:43,395 OF YOU GUYS. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). 346 00:22:43,462 --> 00:22:46,064 AND CAN I BORROW YOUR AUDIENCE FOR A MINUTE? 347 00:22:46,131 --> 00:22:48,300 >> Stephen: OF COURSE YOU CAN. IT'S NOT MY AUDIENCE. 348 00:22:48,366 --> 00:22:52,304 RIGHT NOW, THEY'RE YOUR AUDIENCE, SAM. 349 00:22:52,370 --> 00:22:57,976 ( APPLAUSE ) 60-ODD YEARS, YOU KNOW. 350 00:22:58,043 --> 00:23:01,913 AND PEOPLE HAVE COME AND WATCHED, AND IT IS THE ONLY 351 00:23:01,980 --> 00:23:06,618 REASON THAT I'VE BEEN ALLOWED TO DO IT FOR 60 YEARS. 352 00:23:06,685 --> 00:23:09,988 IT'S BECAUSE PEOPLE HAVE BEEN WILLING TO WATCH. 353 00:23:10,055 --> 00:23:12,557 "AW & ORDER" IS COMING BACK BECAUSE-- 354 00:23:12,624 --> 00:23:18,897 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) MAKING THEM, PEOPLE WENT RIGHT 355 00:23:18,964 --> 00:23:21,700 ON WATCHING THEM. THEM. 356 00:23:21,767 --> 00:23:24,970 ( LAUGHTER ). WHATEVER. 357 00:23:25,036 --> 00:23:28,774 >> AND FINALLY THE PENNY DROPPED, AND SOMEBODY THOUGHT 358 00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:31,576 MAYBE YOU'D LIKE TO HAVE SOME NEW ONES 359 00:23:31,643 --> 00:23:34,379 ( APPLAUSE ). BE JACK McCOY AGAIN. 360 00:23:34,446 --> 00:23:37,149 IT'S A 12-YEAR BREAK, RIGHT? >> YEAH. 361 00:23:37,215 --> 00:23:39,551 >> Stephen: HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE JACK AGAIN? 362 00:23:39,618 --> 00:23:42,621 >> REALLY WEIRD AND STRANGE. >> Stephen: HOW SO? 363 00:23:42,687 --> 00:23:46,925 WHAT DO YOU MEAN "WEIRD AND STRANGE." 364 00:23:46,992 --> 00:23:51,062 THE ISN'T IT ALWAYS WEIRD TO INHABIT A CHARACTER. 365 00:23:51,129 --> 00:23:56,535 >> YES, THE SETS USED TO BE IN A STAUDIO ON THE WEST SIDE OF 366 00:23:56,601 --> 00:23:59,171 MANHATTAN, AND NOW THEY'RE IN A STUDIO IN BROOKLYN. 367 00:23:59,237 --> 00:24:03,308 AND THEY WERE ALL TORN DOWN AND DESTROYED, AND PEOPLE USED THEM 368 00:24:03,375 --> 00:24:05,310 FOR FIREWOOD-- OR WHATEVER THEY DO. 369 00:24:05,377 --> 00:24:09,981 BUT WHEN WE WENT BACK TO WORK, THE PAINT WAS STILL DRYING ON 370 00:24:10,048 --> 00:24:13,618 THE SETS, BUT THEY WERE THE EXACT SAME SETS. 371 00:24:13,685 --> 00:24:19,925 IT WAS LIKE... IT WAS LIKE TIME TRAVEL. 372 00:24:19,991 --> 00:24:22,928 >> Stephen: WOW. LET'S GIVE IT UP FOR THE 373 00:24:22,994 --> 00:24:27,265 PROPERTY MASTERS AND THE SET MAKERS AND THE PAINTERS, AND THE 374 00:24:27,332 --> 00:24:29,201 SCENICS. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). 375 00:24:29,267 --> 00:24:30,468 AMAZING. UNSUNG HEROES. 376 00:24:30,535 --> 00:24:33,905 >> I READ AN INTERVIEW WITH ONE OF THOSE GUYS, AND HE SAID THAT 377 00:24:33,972 --> 00:24:38,877 THEY HAD TO MAKE THEM SMALLER TO FIT THE NEW STUDIO BUT THEY 378 00:24:38,944 --> 00:24:42,047 COULD HAVE FOOLED ME. I MEAN, THE LINOLEUM WAS THE 379 00:24:42,113 --> 00:24:43,281 SAME. >> Stephen: MAYBE YOU GOT 380 00:24:43,348 --> 00:24:48,453 SMALLER, TOO. ( LAUGHTER ) 381 00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:54,092 NOW, WE HAVE A CLIP HERE. CAN YOU TELL US WHAT'S GOING ON 382 00:24:54,159 --> 00:24:56,928 IN THIS CLIP? I KNOW YOU ARE ACTUALLY WATCHING 383 00:24:56,995 --> 00:25:00,198 TWO OTHER LAWYERS ACTUALLY TALK ABOUT THE CONTROVERSIES OF A 384 00:25:00,265 --> 00:25:02,534 PARTICULAR CASE. DO YOU NEED TO SET ANYTHING UP 385 00:25:02,601 --> 00:25:04,569 HERE? >> UH... 386 00:25:04,636 --> 00:25:06,504 YEAH. WELL, I MEAN, I'M -- 387 00:25:06,571 --> 00:25:09,975 >> Stephen: YOU DON'T HAVE TO. THERE'S NO LEGAL REQUIREMENT FOR 388 00:25:10,041 --> 00:25:12,344 YOU TO SET ANYTHING UP HERE. WE CAN JUST-- 389 00:25:12,410 --> 00:25:15,280 >> WHAT THE HELL, JUST SHOW IT. ( LAUGHTER ) 390 00:25:15,347 --> 00:25:20,452 >> LIKE IT OR NOT, THEY WANT TO BELIEVE NICOLLE'S STORY. 391 00:25:20,518 --> 00:25:28,793 >> BUT IT'S PREPOSTEROUS! >> I AGREE WITH MISS MARONE. 392 00:25:28,860 --> 00:25:30,929 A JURY WANTED TO ACQUIT, IRRESPECTIVE OF THE FACTS, 393 00:25:30,996 --> 00:25:35,934 IRRESPECTIVE OF THE LAW. TOO BAD WE DIDN'T HAVE A DAMN 394 00:25:36,001 --> 00:25:41,139 CONFESSION. IT'S OKAY TO PLAY THE HERO, 395 00:25:41,206 --> 00:25:45,543 NOLAN. AS LONG AS YOU WIN. 396 00:25:45,610 --> 00:25:47,612 AND RIGHT NOW, THAT APPEARS HIGHLY UNLIKELY. 397 00:25:53,919 --> 00:25:58,556 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) IT'S NICE TO SEE THAT AGAIN. 398 00:25:58,623 --> 00:26:01,893 >> I PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE-- I PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE SET IT UP 399 00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:05,497 BY SAYING THAT THERE WAS A-- AN INCREDIBLE AMOUNT OF TENSION 400 00:26:05,563 --> 00:26:06,765 BEFOREHAND. ( LAUGHTER ) 401 00:26:06,831 --> 00:26:11,069 >> Stephen: I SENSED IT. WE SENSED THE TENSION, DIDN'T 402 00:26:11,136 --> 00:26:13,838 WE? WE ALL SENSED THE TENSION, SAM. 403 00:26:13,905 --> 00:26:16,608 NOT THIS MUCH, BUT KIND OF A LOT OF TENSION. 404 00:26:16,675 --> 00:26:19,611 WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK. STICK AROUND, WHEN I COME BACK, 405 00:26:19,678 --> 00:26:21,680 I WILL ASK SAM IF HE EVER GETS STAR STRUCK BY OTHER STARS. 406 00:26:34,993 --> 00:26:43,068 WE'RE BACK HERE WITH THE STAR OF THE NEW "LAW & ORDER," SAM 407 00:26:43,134 --> 00:26:44,202 WATERSTON. I HAD SUCH A LOVELY TIME 408 00:26:44,269 --> 00:26:46,471 INTERVIEWING YOUR DAUGHTER, CATHERINE, HERE ON THE SHOW. 409 00:26:46,538 --> 00:26:48,740 YOU SHOWED UP AT THE END OF THE INTERVIEW. 410 00:26:48,807 --> 00:26:52,277 THAT WAS ON NOVEMBER 7, 2016, WHICH I CALL THE LAST NORMAL DAY 411 00:26:52,344 --> 00:26:53,945 IN AMERICA, BECAUSE IT WAS THE DAY BEFORE THE ELECTION FIVE 412 00:26:54,012 --> 00:26:55,447 YEARS AGO. >> YES, INDEED. 413 00:26:55,513 --> 00:26:58,083 >> Stephen: AND I'M JUST CURIOUS, AS A FATHER AND WITH 414 00:26:58,149 --> 00:27:00,685 CHILDREN GOING INTO SHOW BUSINESS, DID YOU ENCOURAGE 415 00:27:00,752 --> 00:27:03,321 THEM? DID YOU-- WERE YOU-- DID YOU 416 00:27:03,388 --> 00:27:05,357 WORRY ABOUT YOUR CHILDREN GOING INTO SHOW BUSINESS? 417 00:27:05,423 --> 00:27:09,127 >> I WORRIED ABOUT THEM GOING INTO IT, AND I WORRY ABOUT THEM 418 00:27:09,194 --> 00:27:11,196 BEING IN IT. AND IT'S A CONSTANT WORRY. 419 00:27:11,262 --> 00:27:13,064 >> Stephen: WHAT ADVICE DID YOU GIVE THEM? 420 00:27:13,131 --> 00:27:16,701 DID YOU THEM TALK TO ANY OF YOUR ACTOR FRIENDS OR ANYTHING? 421 00:27:16,768 --> 00:27:23,341 >> WELL, MY SON, JAMES, WORKED AT SUNDANCE ONE SUMMER. 422 00:27:23,408 --> 00:27:27,946 AND ALAN ALDA WAS THERE, AND THEY GOT INTO A CONVERSATION 423 00:27:28,013 --> 00:27:32,050 ABOUT THIS, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WHEN YOU GROW UP AND ALL 424 00:27:32,117 --> 00:27:34,319 THAT STUFF. HE SAID HE THOUGHT HE WAS GOING 425 00:27:34,386 --> 00:27:40,558 TO BE AN ACTOR. AND ALAN ALDA SAID, "OH, I DON'T 426 00:27:40,625 --> 00:27:42,293 KNOW." AND JAMES SAID, "WELL, WHAT DO 427 00:27:42,360 --> 00:27:46,264 YOU THINK?" AND HE SAID, "I THINK IF YOU CAN 428 00:27:46,331 --> 00:27:50,402 POSSIBLY NOT DO IT, DON'T DO IT." 429 00:27:50,468 --> 00:27:55,140 ( LAUGHTER ). >> "OTHERWISE IF YOU CAN, YOU 430 00:27:55,206 --> 00:27:57,242 KNOW, VERY GOOD LUCK TO YOU," AND ALL THAT STUFF. 431 00:27:57,308 --> 00:28:00,378 SO THAT'S THE DARK SIDE. BUT THE BRIGHT SIDE IS THAT I'VE 432 00:28:00,445 --> 00:28:02,814 GTTEN TO WORK WITH THESE PEOPLE ON THE STAGE. 433 00:28:02,881 --> 00:28:05,350 >> Stephen: YOU GOT TO WITH YOUR OWN KIDS? 434 00:28:05,417 --> 00:28:08,686 >> I WORKED WITH MY-- THE ONLY ONE I HAVE YET TO BE ABLE TO 435 00:28:08,753 --> 00:28:14,626 WORK WITH IS CATHERINE BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, SHE'S AWFULLY-- SHE'S 436 00:28:14,692 --> 00:28:16,294 AWFULLY SUCCESSFUL AND STUFF. ( LAUGHTER ). 437 00:28:16,361 --> 00:28:24,002 BOOKED. SO THERE'S NO HARRY POTTER FOR 438 00:28:24,069 --> 00:28:25,270 YOU. >> NO, EXACTLY. 439 00:28:25,336 --> 00:28:34,245 BUT THE OTHERS, ELIZABETH PLAYED MY DAUGHTER IN "MUCH ADO ABOUT 440 00:28:34,312 --> 00:28:38,817 NOTHING," IN CENTRAL PARK, WHICH WAS THE PLAY THAT I WAS DOING IN 441 00:28:38,883 --> 00:28:44,422 THAT SAME THEATER WHEN I MET HER MOTHER. 442 00:28:44,489 --> 00:28:45,457 >> Stephen: WOW. NICE CLOSED LOOP. 443 00:28:45,523 --> 00:28:54,566 >> YEAH. ( APPLAUSE ) 444 00:28:54,632 --> 00:28:59,637 THAT WAS A GOOD PLAY. >> Stephen: YES. 445 00:28:59,704 --> 00:29:03,241 >> AND THEN I GOT TO SPEND 45 MINUTES ON THE STAGE ALONE WITH 446 00:29:03,308 --> 00:29:10,081 MY SON JAMES SAYING EUGENE O'NELL'S WORDS INTO "LONG DAY'S 447 00:29:10,148 --> 00:29:12,317 JOURNEY INTO NIGHT." YOU KNOW, YOU CAN'T DO THAT KIND 448 00:29:12,383 --> 00:29:15,386 OF THING. AND THEN GRAHAM WROTE A MOVIE 449 00:29:15,453 --> 00:29:18,223 AND DIRECTED IT, AND HE WROTE A PART FOR ME. 450 00:29:18,289 --> 00:29:22,560 AND SO HE DIRECTED ME IN IT. >> Stephen: THAT'S NICE. 451 00:29:22,627 --> 00:29:26,831 ( APPLAUSE ) >> YEAH. 452 00:29:26,898 --> 00:29:31,269 SO... SO CATHERINE, IF YOU'RE 453 00:29:31,336 --> 00:29:34,339 LISTENING, , YOU KNOW... >> Stephen: HE'S READY. 454 00:29:34,405 --> 00:29:36,508 YOU'VE WORKED WITH SOME EXTRAORDINARY PEOPLE. 455 00:29:36,574 --> 00:29:43,047 ROBERT REDFORD, GILDA RADNER, THE LIST GOES ON AND ON IN A 456 00:29:43,114 --> 00:29:45,917 60-PLUS-YEAR CAREER. DO YOU EVER GET STAR STRUCK 457 00:29:45,984 --> 00:29:47,085 YOURSELF. >> OH, YES. 458 00:29:47,152 --> 00:29:50,054 >> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE A PMOMENT YOU CARE TO SHARE WITH 459 00:29:50,121 --> 00:29:52,690 US? >> I WAS TOTALLY STAR STRUCK BY 460 00:29:52,757 --> 00:29:55,727 ROBERT REDFORD. >> Stephen: "GREAT GATSBY." 461 00:29:55,793 --> 00:30:02,033 >> YEAH. BUT HE HAS A W WAY OF JUST SORTF 462 00:30:02,100 --> 00:30:06,171 TAKING THE AIR OF THAT BALLOON. HE JUST MAKES EVERYTHING SO 463 00:30:06,237 --> 00:30:09,741 EASY. IT DIDN'T STOP, YOU KNOW... 464 00:30:09,807 --> 00:30:13,811 IT DIDN'T STOP THAT. >> Stephen: SUNDANCE! 465 00:30:13,878 --> 00:30:18,216 >> AND THAT STILL CONTINUES. BUT THEN KATHARINE HEPBURN WAS 466 00:30:18,283 --> 00:30:19,951 REALLY SOMETHING. >> Stephen: WHAT DID YOU DO 467 00:30:20,018 --> 00:30:22,720 WITH KATHARINE HEPBURN? >> "THE GLASS MENAGERIE," THE 468 00:30:22,787 --> 00:30:25,990 MOVIE VERSION OF IT. WHICH IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT IS 469 00:30:26,057 --> 00:30:27,892 VERY GOOD. >> Stephen: I IMAGINE SHE MUST 470 00:30:27,959 --> 00:30:30,361 BE FAIRLY INTIMIDATING. >> YEAH. 471 00:30:30,428 --> 00:30:33,364 SHE-- SHE IS. AND SHE ALSO KNOWS HOW TO MAKE 472 00:30:33,431 --> 00:30:39,804 AN ENTRANCE. SHE HAD A HOUSE ON TURTLE BAY, 473 00:30:39,871 --> 00:30:45,543 FAMOUSLY. AND I WENT THERE, AND I WAS 474 00:30:45,610 --> 00:30:48,479 USHERED INTO THE LIVING ROOM, A GREAT BIG LIVING ROOM, GARDEN IN 475 00:30:48,546 --> 00:30:53,351 THE BACK AND ALL THAT STUFF, VERY HIGH CEILINGS. 476 00:30:53,418 --> 00:31:03,361 AND BY PHYLLIS,. PRETTY-- YOU DIDN'T MESS WITH 477 00:31:03,428 --> 00:31:05,697 HER. AND SO I-- SHE SAID, "SIT DOWN 478 00:31:05,763 --> 00:31:06,998 THERE." AND I SAT DOWN THERE. 479 00:31:07,065 --> 00:31:10,501 AND THERE WAS A LONG PERIOD OF QUIET, AND I'M NOT SURE THERE 480 00:31:10,568 --> 00:31:15,940 WAS A CLOCK, BUT IT THERE HAD BEEN A CLOCK, YOU WIFE HEARD IT 481 00:31:16,007 --> 00:31:19,277 TICKING. AND THEN SOMEBODY STARTED COMING 482 00:31:19,344 --> 00:31:29,220 DOWN THE STAIRS, AND I HEARD THE FEET, AND THEN "IS HE THERE 483 00:31:29,287 --> 00:31:30,989 YET?" AND IT WAS HER. 484 00:31:31,055 --> 00:31:33,291 >> Stephen: WOW. WHAT DO YOU DO? 485 00:31:33,358 --> 00:31:37,362 DO YOU CURTSY? ( LAUGHTER ) 486 00:31:37,428 --> 00:31:42,033 WILL. >> Stephen: SAM, IT'S SO 487 00:31:42,100 --> 00:31:47,272 LOVELY TO SEE YOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING 488 00:31:47,338 --> 00:31:49,340 HERE. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). 489 00:31:49,407 --> 00:31:51,309 THE REVIVAL OF "LAW & ORDER" PREMIERES THIS THURSDAY ON NBC. 490 00:31:51,376 --> 00:31:52,377 SAM WATERSTON, EVERYBODY. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH 491 00:31:52,443 --> 00:31:54,979 SOPHIA BUSH. THANK YOU, SAM. 492 00:31:55,046 --> 00:31:55,546 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). 493 00:32:21,005 --> 00:32:23,941 WELCOME BACK! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY NEXT 494 00:32:24,008 --> 00:32:27,345 GUEST IS AN ACTIVIST AND ACTOR YOU KNOW FROM "ONE TREE HILL" 495 00:32:27,412 --> 00:32:30,415 AND "CHICAGO P.D." SHE NOW STARS IN THE CBS SHOW 496 00:32:30,481 --> 00:32:33,651 "GOOD SAM." PLEASE WELCOME TO "THE LATE 497 00:32:33,718 --> 00:32:35,320 SHOW," SOPHIA BUSH. ♪ ♪ ♪ 498 00:32:35,386 --> 00:32:43,695 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ). 499 00:32:43,761 --> 00:32:51,336 VERY FRENCH. HI! 500 00:32:51,402 --> 00:32:53,905 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> HELLO! 501 00:32:53,971 --> 00:32:54,906 HELLO! >> Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU. 502 00:32:54,972 --> 00:32:58,076 >> NICE TO SEE YOU! >> Stephen: WE'VE ONLY MET 503 00:32:58,142 --> 00:33:00,144 ONCE BEFORE AND THAT WAS AT THE EMMYS. 504 00:33:00,211 --> 00:33:01,612 >> IT WAS. >> Stephen: MY SEAT WAS EMPTY 505 00:33:01,679 --> 00:33:04,816 NEXT TO ME DURING THE COMMERCIAL BREAK AND YOU WERE LOVELY. 506 00:33:04,882 --> 00:33:08,286 YOU CAME OVER TO SAY HI, FELLOW CBS EMPLOYEES HERE. 507 00:33:08,353 --> 00:33:10,722 >> YOU'RE BEING VERY KIND. >> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 508 00:33:10,788 --> 00:33:15,860 >> I RAN OVER DURING A COMMERCIAL BRACK TO FAN GIRL 509 00:33:15,927 --> 00:33:18,396 STEPHEN COLBERT AND THANK HIM FOR HIS POLITICAL ADVOCACY AND 510 00:33:18,463 --> 00:33:21,966 THE LIGHTS CAME ON AND I TRIED TO DIVE UNDER THE TABLE BECAUSE 511 00:33:22,033 --> 00:33:25,236 HIS TABLE WAS NOT MY TABLE-- >> Stephen: AND IT WAS OUR 512 00:33:25,303 --> 00:33:27,305 CATEGORY. >> AND I WAS LIKE, "OH, MY GOD, 513 00:33:27,372 --> 00:33:32,176 I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE!" AND HE WAS LIKE, "SOPHIA BUSH, 514 00:33:32,243 --> 00:33:36,514 SIT DOWN." I THINK MY FACE WAS AS PINK AS 515 00:33:36,581 --> 00:33:38,549 MY DRESS WHEN YOU WON. >> Stephen: YOU WERE A GOOD 516 00:33:38,616 --> 00:33:41,753 LUCK CHARM. >> I'LL GO BACK NEXT YEAR AND 517 00:33:41,819 --> 00:33:43,855 WEAR A HEAD BAND, WHATEVER YOU WANT. 518 00:33:43,921 --> 00:33:46,257 >> Stephen: YOU PLAY A HEARTSURGEON WHO TAKES OVER AS 519 00:33:46,324 --> 00:33:50,795 THE CHIEF OF SURGERY AFTER YOUR DAD LAPSES INTO A COMA. 520 00:33:50,862 --> 00:33:52,630 >> YEAH. >> Stephen: OKAY. 521 00:33:52,697 --> 00:33:57,335 >> HE HAS A WEE ACCIDENT, AND I-- MY CHARACTER IS THE CARDIAC 522 00:33:57,402 --> 00:33:59,103 FELLOW, SO THAT'S SECOND IN THE COMMAND. 523 00:33:59,170 --> 00:34:02,039 >> Stephen: SURE. >> SHE GETS ASKED TO FILL IN AND 524 00:34:02,106 --> 00:34:02,840 -- >> Stephen: HOW DO YOU PREP 525 00:34:02,907 --> 00:34:05,042 FOR THAT? DID YOU DO A RIDE-ALONG? 526 00:34:05,109 --> 00:34:07,211 DID YOU GET TO CUT ANYBODY OPEN? >> YEAH. 527 00:34:07,278 --> 00:34:12,016 >> Stephen: YOU DID NOT! >> NOT PERSONALLY, BUT I GOT TO 528 00:34:12,083 --> 00:34:15,453 SHADOW INCREDIBLE, INCREDIBLE CARDIOTHORACIC SURGEONS IN 529 00:34:15,520 --> 00:34:17,955 LOS ANGELES. >> Stephen: DID YOU SCRUB? 530 00:34:18,022 --> 00:34:19,657 WERE YOU IN THE ROOM? >> YEAH. 531 00:34:19,724 --> 00:34:21,092 >> Stephen: THAT SEEMS IRRESPONSIBLE. 532 00:34:21,159 --> 00:34:23,060 >> YOU GET PERMISSION FROM THE PATIENT AND THEIR FAMILY. 533 00:34:23,127 --> 00:34:24,896 >> Stephen: OKAY. >> AND THE DOCTORS ARE WONDERFUL 534 00:34:24,962 --> 00:34:26,898 AND SORT OF WALK YOU THROUGH THINGS. 535 00:34:26,964 --> 00:34:29,634 I ALSO HAD A MILLION QUESTIONS BECAUSE I WANTED TO GO TO 536 00:34:29,700 --> 00:34:32,336 MEDICAL SCHOOL. SO, YOU KNOW, THEY'RE LIFTING UP 537 00:34:32,403 --> 00:34:37,642 PARTS OF CHEST CAVITIES AND I'M LIKE WHY WHY AREN'T YOU GOING 538 00:34:37,708 --> 00:34:41,446 INTO THE LEG, HOW DO YOU MAKE THE DECISION-- AND THEY WERE 539 00:34:41,512 --> 00:34:43,748 LIKE, "HUH. YOU'RE IMPRESSED BY THIS." 540 00:34:43,815 --> 00:34:46,717 AND I WAS LIKE, "YEAH, I'M A CIRCUS PERFORMER. 541 00:34:46,784 --> 00:34:52,156 YOU GUYS ARE ACTUAL ROCK STARS." >> Stephen: WE HAVE A CLIP. 542 00:34:52,223 --> 00:34:54,125 CAN YOU TELL US WHAT WE'RE ABOUT TO SEE. 543 00:34:54,192 --> 00:34:56,360 I SAW IT AND I'M NOT SURE WHAT I SAW. 544 00:34:56,427 --> 00:34:58,563 WHAT'S HAPPENING MERE? >> NORMALLY WE'RE AT THE 545 00:34:58,629 --> 00:35:01,666 HOSPITAL AND WE HAVE A FANCY FUND-RAISING GALA AND THE 546 00:35:01,732 --> 00:35:04,469 DOCTORS GET OUT OF THEIR SCRUBS AND INTO A GOWN AND THERE'S AN 547 00:35:04,535 --> 00:35:08,506 ACCIDENT AND IT REQUIRES SOME WORK AROUND A JUGULAR VEIN. 548 00:35:08,573 --> 00:35:12,076 AND IT WAS VERY BLOODY AND DISGUSTING AND YOU'RE GOING TO 549 00:35:12,143 --> 00:35:15,213 WATCH IT NOW. NOW. 550 00:35:15,279 --> 00:35:16,581 >> Stephen: GREAT. JIM. 551 00:35:16,647 --> 00:35:18,015 >> HE'S OUT. >> EVERYONE BACK UP. 552 00:35:18,082 --> 00:35:21,118 >> ONE, TWO, THREE! >> OH! 553 00:35:21,185 --> 00:35:23,321 >> HE'S BLEEDING OUT. >> ALL RIGHT, GET PRESSURE ON 554 00:35:23,387 --> 00:35:25,256 IT. >> I CAN'T GET CONTROL UNTIL I 555 00:35:25,323 --> 00:35:26,891 GET THIS OUT. >> DO IT FAST. 556 00:35:26,958 --> 00:35:37,435 DON'T THINK ABOUT IT. >> HERE, GET A TOWEL. 557 00:35:37,502 --> 00:35:39,770 ♪ ♪ ♪ IF I PUT ANY MORE PRESSURE ON 558 00:35:39,837 --> 00:35:44,242 THIS, HIS AIRWAY WILL COLLAPSE. >> WE'RE GOING TO TIE OFF THE 559 00:35:44,308 --> 00:35:45,877 EXTERNAL JUGULAR. >> WITH WHAT? 560 00:35:45,943 --> 00:35:48,880 >> ANYBODY HAVE DENTAL FLOSS, MANICURE SET. 561 00:35:48,946 --> 00:35:51,849 >> I NEED ICE, HAND SANITIZER AND MORE LIGHT, PLEASE. 562 00:35:51,916 --> 00:35:55,686 YES, YES THANK YOU! >> Stephen: WE JUST MISSED THE 563 00:35:55,753 --> 00:35:57,788 REALLY GOOD PART. >> Stephen: WHAT HAPPENS NEXT? 564 00:35:57,855 --> 00:36:01,559 DO YOU SEW HIM UP? >> YEAH, I ACTUALLY GOT TO GET 565 00:36:01,626 --> 00:36:05,463 INTO-- THEY BUILT UP WITH A PROSTHETIC WITH THE VEIN. 566 00:36:05,530 --> 00:36:07,565 I SHOULD LET YOU WATCH THE EPISODE. 567 00:36:07,632 --> 00:36:10,401 BUT IT WAS VERY EXCITING. >> Stephen: NOW YOU KNOW WHAT 568 00:36:10,468 --> 00:36:12,737 TO DO IN CASE A WAITER FALLS DOWN. 569 00:36:12,803 --> 00:36:16,841 >> MY GREATEST FEAR IS THERE WILL BE A MEDICAL INCIDENT ON A 570 00:36:16,908 --> 00:36:18,976 PLANE AND SOMEONE WILL THINK I'M A REAL DOCTOR. 571 00:36:19,043 --> 00:36:21,846 AND I'LL BE LIKE, "I DON'T KNOW HOW TO HELP YOU." 572 00:36:21,913 --> 00:36:26,851 >> Stephen: GET ME A TUBE THE CRAZY GLUE. 573 00:36:26,918 --> 00:36:28,853 >> WHERE ARE THE OXYGEN MASK S. >> Stephen: YOU ALSO HOST 574 00:36:28,920 --> 00:36:33,357 YOUR OPEN PODCAST, "WORK IN PROGRESS," WHERE YOU INTERVIEW 575 00:36:33,424 --> 00:36:37,094 LUMINARIES IN EVERY FIELD. YOU-- DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE? 576 00:36:37,161 --> 00:36:39,096 BECAUSE HOW MANY-- HOW MANY OF THESE HAVE YOU DONE SO FAR? 577 00:36:39,163 --> 00:36:42,967 >> OH, MY GOSH. WE'RE WELL OVER 100 EPISODES 578 00:36:43,034 --> 00:36:44,302 NOW. >> Stephen: THAT'S A LOT. 579 00:36:44,368 --> 00:36:45,503 >> YEAH. >> Stephen: THAT'S A LOT. 580 00:36:45,570 --> 00:36:49,507 >> AND IT'S BEEN SO INCREDIBLE TO INTERVIEW SO MANY PEOPLE I 581 00:36:49,574 --> 00:36:52,009 ADMIRE FROM POLITICIANS TO AUTHORS TO OTHER ENTERTAINERS 582 00:36:52,076 --> 00:36:54,045 AND CREATIVES. >> Stephen: IT'S HARD TO PICK 583 00:36:54,111 --> 00:36:56,747 BECAUSE PEOPLE SAY, "WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE GUEST?" 584 00:36:56,814 --> 00:36:59,517 AND I ALWAYS GO, "IT'S SOPHIA BUSH. 585 00:36:59,584 --> 00:37:01,752 THE. DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE, SOME 586 00:37:01,819 --> 00:37:04,055 PERSON WHO HAS BEEN THE GREATEST PLEASURE TO INTERVIEW SO FAR? 587 00:37:04,121 --> 00:37:06,524 >> THERE ARE MANY OF THOSE BUT, YOU KNOW, IN TALKING ABOUT 588 00:37:06,591 --> 00:37:10,328 HAVING THIS SHOW AND IT BEING A FULL-CIRCLE MOMENT FROM MY 589 00:37:10,394 --> 00:37:14,231 CHILDHOOD GOALS, I HAD ANOTHER FULL-CIRCLE MOMENT FROM MY 590 00:37:14,298 --> 00:37:18,736 CHILDHOOD. IN THE EIGHTH GRADE, JANE GOODAL 591 00:37:18,803 --> 00:37:22,373 CAME AND SPOKE TO MY CLASS, AND I WAS AN ENVIRONMENTALIST WHO 592 00:37:22,440 --> 00:37:25,910 WANTED TO SAVE THE TREES AND ALL THE ANIMALS. AND SHE INSPIRED 593 00:37:25,977 --> 00:37:28,646 ME SO TREMENDOUSLY. AND THIS PAST DECEMBER I 594 00:37:28,713 --> 00:37:31,916 INTERVIEWED HER ON THE PODCAST AND TOLD HER ABOUT THAT DAY. 595 00:37:31,983 --> 00:37:34,018 >> Stephen: FANTASTIC. >> OH IT WAS SO COOL. 596 00:37:34,085 --> 00:37:36,253 >> Stephen: THAT'S LOVELY. ( APPLAUSE ) 597 00:37:36,320 --> 00:37:42,326 ALL THESE INTERVIEWS YOURSELF, SOME PEOPLE LIKE TO BE 598 00:37:42,393 --> 00:37:45,730 INTERVIEWED, AND SOME PEOPLE LIKE TO BE IN SORT OF 599 00:37:45,796 --> 00:37:48,566 CONTROLLING POSITION, THE INTERVIEWER, LIKE I AM RIGHT 600 00:37:48,633 --> 00:37:51,235 NOW. AND I'VE DONE THEM BOTH. 601 00:37:51,302 --> 00:37:54,171 THERE ARE POSITIVES AND NEGATIVES FOR BOTH POSITIONS 602 00:37:54,238 --> 00:37:57,408 BHAP DO YOU LIKE MORE? >> I MEAN, I HAVE TO DO THIS 603 00:37:57,475 --> 00:38:00,411 PART FOR WORK, AND WHEN I GET TO DO IT WITH PEOPLE I REALLY 604 00:38:00,478 --> 00:38:06,784 ADMIRE, IT'S REALLY FUN. BUT I LOVE BEING ABLE TO BE THE 605 00:38:06,851 --> 00:38:09,687 INTERVIEWER, BECAUSE I REALLY GET TO ASK THE SORTS OF 606 00:38:09,754 --> 00:38:12,690 QUESTIONS THAT I THINK SO MANY OF US PONDER WHEN WE LOOK AT 607 00:38:12,757 --> 00:38:17,728 PEOPLE WE LOOK UP TO. AND I LOVE TO REALLY GET INTO 608 00:38:17,795 --> 00:38:19,330 THE MARROW OF THINGS WITH PEOPLE. 609 00:38:19,397 --> 00:38:23,734 I'M NOT GOOD AT LIGHT CONVERSATION, LIKE I'M TERRIBLE 610 00:38:23,801 --> 00:38:27,571 AT A DINNER PARTY. I'M LIKE, "HOW'S THE WEATHER?" 611 00:38:27,638 --> 00:38:30,975 I DON'T WANT TO ASK PEOPLE. "HOW IS YOUR SOUL? 612 00:38:31,042 --> 00:38:34,979 ARE YOU DEALING WITH YOUR CHILDHOOD TRAUMA." 613 00:38:35,046 --> 00:38:37,148 I LITERALLY HAVE A LINE TO THE SOUL. 614 00:38:37,214 --> 00:38:38,949 >> Stephen: IS THERE ANYTHING YOU WOULD LIKE TO ASK ME. 615 00:38:39,016 --> 00:38:42,653 >> "A," I WOULD LOVE FOR YOU TO COME ON MY PODCAST. 616 00:38:42,720 --> 00:38:44,255 NO PRESSURE. >> Stephen: I WOULD LOVE TO, 617 00:38:44,321 --> 00:38:47,058 BUT I HAVE TO BE BEST MAN AT A WEDDING. 618 00:38:47,124 --> 00:38:48,559 >> Stephen: IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE NOW. 619 00:38:48,626 --> 00:38:54,265 ( APPLAUSE ) QUESTION FOR YOU. 620 00:38:54,331 --> 00:38:55,633 >> Stephen: OH, YOU DO? >> YEAH. 621 00:38:55,700 --> 00:38:56,834 >> Stephen: WHAT'S YOUR QUESTION. 622 00:38:56,901 --> 00:38:58,402 >> I HAVE A REAL QUESTION FOR YOU. 623 00:38:58,469 --> 00:39:04,375 BECAUSE YOU ARE ABLE TO THREAD A NEEDLE THAT IS SO FINE BETWEEN 624 00:39:04,442 --> 00:39:08,012 INCREDIBLY COMPLEX POLITICAL COMMENTARY, AND GREAT HUMOR. 625 00:39:08,079 --> 00:39:09,847 WHEREAS I'M STRESSED ABOUT STATISTICS. 626 00:39:09,914 --> 00:39:11,315 YOU MANAGE TO MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH ABOUT THIS STUFF. 627 00:39:11,382 --> 00:39:14,518 HOW DO YOU DO THAT? >> Stephen: OH, IT'S REALLY 628 00:39:14,585 --> 00:39:17,755 SIMPLE. JUST GET AN AMAZING WRITER'S 629 00:39:17,822 --> 00:39:21,092 ROOM, INCREDIBLE PRODUCERS. BUT HERE'S THE IMPORTANT THING-- 630 00:39:21,158 --> 00:39:23,227 MAKE SURE YOUR NAME IS ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE BUILDING SO 631 00:39:23,294 --> 00:39:25,062 PEOPLE THINK YOU DO IT. >> OKAY, COOL. 632 00:39:25,129 --> 00:39:27,064 >> Stephen: SOPHIA, IT WAS LOVELY TO MEET YOU AGAIN. 633 00:39:27,131 --> 00:39:28,899 >> YES. >> Stephen: THANKS FOR BEING 634 00:39:28,966 --> 00:39:30,067 HERE. >> THANK YOU. 635 00:39:30,134 --> 00:39:33,370 >> Stephen: PLEASE JOIN ME AT THE EMMYS NEXT YEAR, I WOULD 636 00:39:33,437 --> 00:39:35,906 LOVE TO! >> Stephen: "GOOD SAM" AIRS 637 00:39:35,973 --> 00:39:39,343 WDNESDAYS AT 10:00 P.M. ON CBS, AND IS AVAILABLE TO STREAM ON 638 00:39:39,410 --> 00:39:41,412 PARAMOUNT+. SOPHIA BUSH, EVERYBODY. 639 00:40:03,000 --> 00:40:04,502 >> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW," EVERYBODY. 640 00:40:04,568 --> 00:40:08,506 TUNE IN NEXT WEEK WHEN I'LL BE JOINED BY BOB ODENKIRK, FIONA 641 00:40:08,572 --> 00:40:10,941 HILL, AND SENATOR BERNIE SANDERS, LIVE AFTER THE STATE OF 642 00:40:11,008 --> 00:40:13,010 THE UNION. GOOD NIGHT.