1 00:00:01,334 --> 00:00:02,502 >> THE ASSAULT BEGAN WITH AN 2 00:00:02,569 --> 00:00:06,439 ANGRY MESSAGE FROM PRESIDENT VLADIMIR PUTIN, BROADCAST IN THE 3 00:00:06,506 --> 00:00:07,974 MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. ( SPEAKING RUSSIAN ) 4 00:00:08,041 --> 00:00:14,114 DEVELOP, AND EXIST, WITH THE CONSTANT THREAT EMANATING FROM 5 00:00:14,180 --> 00:00:15,715 THE TERRITORY OF MODERN UKRAINE." 6 00:00:15,782 --> 00:00:19,919 AS PUTIN SPOKE, SEEMINGLY ON CUE, RUSSIAN BOMBS STARTED 7 00:00:19,986 --> 00:00:25,125 FALLING. 8 00:00:25,191 --> 00:00:31,097 ( SCREAMS ) WE HAVE INVADED YOUR CITY, 9 00:00:31,164 --> 00:00:37,904 BECAUSE ALL OF YOU ARE BAD GUYS. AND I'M THE GOOD GUY. 10 00:00:37,971 --> 00:00:44,778 I'M HERE TO SAVE THE DAY. ( VOCAL TRUMPET FANFARE ) 11 00:00:44,844 --> 00:00:55,355 ( THEME SONG PLAYS ) SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT!" 12 00:00:55,422 --> 00:00:57,123 TONIGHT: TOTAL DICTATOR MOVE! PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES: 13 00:00:57,190 --> 00:01:01,528 JULIA IOFFE. THOMAS LENNON. 14 00:01:01,594 --> 00:01:07,901 AND MUSICAL GUEST, TEARS FOR FEARS. 15 00:01:07,967 --> 00:01:13,139 FEATURING JON BATISTE AND "STAY HUMAN." 16 00:01:13,206 --> 00:01:17,143 AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK 17 00:01:17,210 --> 00:01:32,091 CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 18 00:01:32,158 --> 00:01:37,130 CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 19 00:01:37,197 --> 00:01:49,476 >> OH! >> ♪ 20 00:01:49,542 --> 00:01:57,851 ♪ >> HEY, EVERYBODY! 21 00:01:57,917 --> 00:02:04,657 ♪ THANK YOU. THANK YOU. 22 00:02:04,724 --> 00:02:07,227 THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. THANK YOU VERY MUCH, THANK YOU 23 00:02:07,293 --> 00:02:09,662 VERY MUCH. THANK YOU, FRIENDS. 24 00:02:09,729 --> 00:02:16,636 THANK YOU. WHOO, WHAT A DAY. 25 00:02:16,703 --> 00:02:21,374 MY GOODNESS, THANKS, EVERYBODY. PLEASE HAVE A SEAT. 26 00:02:21,441 --> 00:02:24,944 FOLKS, WELCOME IN HERE, OUT THERE, ALL OF OUR VIEWERS AROUND 27 00:02:25,011 --> 00:02:31,918 THE WORLD, WELCOME TO LATE SHOW, I AM YOUR HOST, THE STEPHEN 28 00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:34,888 COLBERT. THERE IS NO DENYING IT, IT IS A 29 00:02:34,954 --> 00:02:37,056 DARK DAY. OVER THE LAST FIVE YEARS WE HAVE 30 00:02:37,123 --> 00:02:41,127 SEEN DEMOCRACY REPEATEDLY UNDERMINED, TRAGIC, 31 00:02:41,194 --> 00:02:45,665 UNPRECEDENTED FIRESTORMS, A GLOBAL PANDEMIC, WELL IN 32 00:02:45,732 --> 00:02:51,004 MORNING, VLADIMIR PUTIN OF LOOKED AT ALL OF 33 00:02:51,070 --> 00:02:52,272 THAT AND SAID, "HOLD MY VODKA." BECAUSE TODAY, RUSSIA OFFICIALLY 34 00:02:52,338 --> 00:02:55,942 ATTACKED UKRAINE. LISTEN, I DON'T KNOW 35 00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:59,512 WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN, BUT ONE THING'S FOR SURE: PUTIN 36 00:02:59,579 --> 00:03:02,882 SHOULD FIRE THOSE PEACEKEEPERS. YOU HAD ONE JOB! 37 00:03:02,949 --> 00:03:06,886 THIS IS THE BIGGEST GROUND WAR IN EUROPE SINCE WORLD WAR II, 38 00:03:06,953 --> 00:03:13,126 AND THE WHOLE WORLD IS IN HOCK. IT'S WHY TODAY'S WORDLE WAS 39 00:03:13,192 --> 00:03:19,532 AAAAH! IT WAS FAIRLY EASY, ACTUALLY. 40 00:03:19,599 --> 00:03:23,436 UKRAINIAN CITIES ARE IN CHAOS THE HIGHWAYS ARE JAMMED WITH 41 00:03:23,503 --> 00:03:25,939 PEOPLE TRYING TO LEAVE, AND THE PEOPLE WHO COULDN'T GET OUT ARE 42 00:03:26,005 --> 00:03:29,142 USING SUBWAY STATIONS AS BOMB SHELTERS. 43 00:03:29,208 --> 00:03:31,945 WHILE YOU'RE DOWN THERE FIND THAT PANTS-LESS GUY ON THE 44 00:03:32,011 --> 00:03:37,116 TRAIN WHO'S ALWAYS YELLING "THE END IS NEAR," BECAUSE I THINK WE 45 00:03:37,183 --> 00:03:41,955 OWE HIM AN APOLOGY. PUTIN ANNOUNCED THE WAR 46 00:03:42,021 --> 00:03:44,958 ON 10:00 P.M. OUR TIME LAST NIGHT AND HAD A PRETTY LAME 47 00:03:45,024 --> 00:03:48,461 EXCUSE TO JUSTIFY IT. >> I HAVE TAKEN THE DECISION TO 48 00:03:48,528 --> 00:03:55,668 CONDUCT A SPECIAL MILITARY OPERATION IT PURPOSE IS TO 49 00:03:55,735 --> 00:04:00,039 PROTECT PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN SUBJECT TO ABUSE AND GENERAL 50 00:04:00,106 --> 00:04:03,309 SIDE BY THE REGIME FOR EIGHT YEARS AND THROUGH THIS WE WILL 51 00:04:03,376 --> 00:04:07,246 STRIFE TO DEMILITARIZE AND DEHAS GUYS UKRAINE. 52 00:04:07,313 --> 00:04:11,150 >> DE-NAZIFY? THAT'S HARD TO DO WHEN YOU ARE 53 00:04:11,217 --> 00:04:15,321 ACTING LIKE DE NAZIS, NOW THIS IS OBVIOUSLY A RIDICULOUS CLAIM, 54 00:04:15,388 --> 00:04:18,424 FIRST OF ALL, ZELENSKY IS NOT A NAZI, HE'S FROM A URINE 55 00:04:18,491 --> 00:04:20,493 BACKGROUND AND HE IS BARELY EVEN A POLITICIAN. 56 00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:25,365 HE IS A FORMER TV COMEDIAN. THERE IS LIKE IF THE U.S. 57 00:04:25,431 --> 00:04:32,872 INVADED CANADA TO CAPTURE WAR CRIMINAL EUGENE LEVY. 58 00:04:32,939 --> 00:04:36,943 WHAT I AM TRYING TO SAY IS THE WORLD IS UP SHITS CREEK. 59 00:04:37,010 --> 00:04:45,118 THE INVASION -- >> PUTIN ISSUED A THREAT TO 60 00:04:45,184 --> 00:04:48,121 ANYONE WHO TRIED TO OPPOSE HIM. >> WHOEVER TRIES TO INTERFERE 61 00:04:48,187 --> 00:04:50,623 WITH US AND EVEN MORE TO CREATE THREATS FOR OUR COUNTRY, OUR 62 00:04:50,690 --> 00:04:53,726 PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW RUSSIA'S RESPONSE WILL BE IMMEDIATE, AND 63 00:04:53,793 --> 00:04:55,928 WILL LEAD TO SUCH CONSEQUENCES YOU HAVE NEVER EXPERIENCED IN 64 00:04:55,995 --> 00:04:59,232 YOUR HISTORY. >> SOMETHING WE HAVE NEVER 65 00:04:59,298 --> 00:05:01,134 EXPERIENCED? >> HE IS GOING TO MAKE A GOOD 66 00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:09,942 MICHAEL BAY MOVIE? THE EAGLE EYED VIEWERS MAY HAVE 67 00:05:10,009 --> 00:05:13,112 NOTICED PUTIN SEEMED TO BE WEARING THE EXACT SAME OUTFIT HE 68 00:05:13,179 --> 00:05:17,650 WORE ON MONDAY. DID HE PRETAPE HIS INVASION 69 00:05:17,717 --> 00:05:19,652 SPEECH? THAT IS TO DISHONEST. 70 00:05:19,719 --> 00:05:23,856 ONLY A MONSTER WOULD PRETAPE A TELEVISION APPEARANCE AND TRY TO 71 00:05:23,923 --> 00:05:36,302 PASS IT OFF AS LIVE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] FOLKS, 72 00:05:36,369 --> 00:05:41,307 VLAD, JUST SWITCH OUT THE TIE RIGHT UP UNTIL THE END, UKRAINE 73 00:05:41,374 --> 00:05:42,975 AND ITS ALLIES WERE PURSUING DIPLOMATIC SOLUTIONS. 74 00:05:43,042 --> 00:05:45,144 IN FACT, UKRAINE'S AMBASSADOR TO THE U.N. CONVENED A SPECIAL 75 00:05:45,211 --> 00:05:48,948 SESSION OF THE SECURITY COUNCIL LAST NIGHT. 76 00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:52,618 JUST ONE PROBLEM: RUSSIA INVADED UKRAINE AS THEY SPOKE. 77 00:05:52,685 --> 00:05:55,755 THAT'S WHAT THEY WERE THERE TO STOP! 78 00:05:55,822 --> 00:05:57,123 THAT'S LIKE HAVING AN INTERVENTION, AND SOMEBODY 79 00:05:57,190 --> 00:06:00,727 INTERRUPTS WITH, "BRIAN, WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH, AND WE WANT 80 00:06:00,793 --> 00:06:02,595 YOU TO GET HELP, RIGHT AFTER HAPPY HOUR! 81 00:06:02,662 --> 00:06:04,897 COME ON, PUSSY, LET'S DO SOME SHOTS! 82 00:06:04,964 --> 00:06:08,000 YOU'RE WAY MORE FUN WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK." 83 00:06:08,067 --> 00:06:14,340 BUDDY, COME ON. THE LET'S GET CRUMPED. 84 00:06:14,407 --> 00:06:18,144 >> PEACE, OF COURSE, NEVER HAD MUCH OF A 85 00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:21,781 CHANCE, BECAUSE THIS MONTH, THE PRESIDENT OF THE SECURITY 86 00:06:21,848 --> 00:06:25,118 COUNCIL JUST HAPPENS TO BE RUSSIA. 87 00:06:25,184 --> 00:06:28,421 SO, THE ONE IN CHARGE OF STOPPING RUSSIA, IS RUSSIA. 88 00:06:28,488 --> 00:06:31,824 REMINDS ME OF WHEN THE AMERICAN CANCER SOCIETY APPOINTED THEIR 89 00:06:31,891 --> 00:06:37,130 NEW PRESIDENT: DR. JOSEPH T. CAMEL. 90 00:06:37,196 --> 00:06:41,134 THE UKRAINIAN AMBASSADOR PATIENTLY WAITED FOR HIS TURN TO 91 00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:44,003 SPEAK, BUT ULTIMATELY, HE HAD TO THROW OUT HIS REMARKS, BECAUSE 92 00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:47,974 THE INVASION HAD STARTED. AS HE SAID, "MOST OF IT IS 93 00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:49,976 ALREADY USELESS." I KNOW THE FEELING. 94 00:06:50,042 --> 00:06:55,648 TONIGHT, I HAD SO MANY JOKES PREPARED FOR NATIONAL CHILI DAY 95 00:06:55,715 --> 00:07:00,653 WHICH ARE NOW TOTALLY USELESS. BECAUSE OF THE INVASION. 96 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:09,195 I'D LIKE TO SAY I'M OVER IT, BUT HONESTLY, IT'S BEAN TOUGH. 97 00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:15,434 [APPLAUSE] IT'S A DARK DAY. 98 00:07:15,501 --> 00:07:17,503 LEADERS FROM ACROSS THE GLOBE CONDEMNED PUTIN'S ILLEGAL 99 00:07:17,570 --> 00:07:21,140 INVASION, INCLUDING JOE BIDEN, WHO SMACKED PUTIN WITH A WHOLE 100 00:07:21,207 --> 00:07:24,744 BUNCH OF NEW SANCTIONS TODAY, INCLUDING ONE THAT WILL CUT 101 00:07:24,811 --> 00:07:27,613 RUSSIA OFF FROM SEMICONDUCTORS CRUCIAL TO THE MILITARY, 102 00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:30,850 BIOTECHNOLOGY, AND AEROSPACE INDUSTRIES. 103 00:07:30,917 --> 00:07:32,952 SO, RUSSIANS COMING BACK FROM THE INTERNATIONAL SPACE STATION? 104 00:07:33,019 --> 00:07:37,023 YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO CALL AN UBER. 105 00:07:37,089 --> 00:07:38,558 BIDEN ALSO ANNOUNCED SANCTIONS ON CORRUPT BILLIONAIRES AND 106 00:07:38,624 --> 00:07:41,727 THEIR FAMILIES WHO ARE CLOSE TO THE KREMLIN. 107 00:07:41,794 --> 00:07:45,898 OF COURSE, THAT'S EMOTIONALLY AND FINANCIALLY CLOSE TO THE 108 00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:53,139 KREMLIN-- THEY CAN STILL LIVE AT MAR-A-LAGO. 109 00:07:53,206 --> 00:08:01,848 THE PRESIDENT -- WHAT? WHAT? 110 00:08:01,914 --> 00:08:03,683 THE PRESIDENT MADE IT CLEAR THAT THESE SANCTIONS ARE A MATTER OF 111 00:08:03,749 --> 00:08:05,184 PRINCIPLE. >> THIS AGGRESSION CANNOT GO ON 112 00:08:05,251 --> 00:08:08,988 UNANSWERED. IF IT DID, THE CONSEQUENCES FOR 113 00:08:09,055 --> 00:08:13,125 AMERICA WOULD BE MUCH WORSE. AMERICA STANDS UP TO BULLIES. 114 00:08:13,192 --> 00:08:15,761 WE STAND UP FOR FREEDOM. >> Stephen: AMERICA STANDS UP TO 115 00:08:15,828 --> 00:08:19,632 BULLIES! WE STAND UP FOR FREEDOM! 116 00:08:19,699 --> 00:08:21,133 THEN WE LIE DOWN FOR LIBERTY, BECAUSE WE ATE THAT BURGER WITH 117 00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:25,972 DONUT BUNS FOR LUNCH. IT'S NOT JUST WORLD LEADERS. 118 00:08:26,038 --> 00:08:29,141 MANY RUSSIANS FEEL A DEEP UNEASE OVER GOING TO WAR. 119 00:08:29,208 --> 00:08:32,511 IN FACT, TODAY, AVERAGE CITIZENS BRAVELY TOOK TO THE STREETS 120 00:08:32,578 --> 00:08:37,116 INCLUDING THIS ANTI-WAR PROTEST IN ST. PETERSBURG. 121 00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:41,120 ALL THIS DESPITE RUSSIA'S INTERIOR MINISTRY TELLING TV 122 00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:43,990 VIEWERS TO "REFRAIN FROM UNSANCTIONED PROTESTS" OR 123 00:08:44,056 --> 00:08:46,993 THEY'LL BE "ARRESTED." NOT BECAUSE OF THE WAR, BUT 124 00:08:47,059 --> 00:08:50,897 BECAUSE OF "CORONAVIRUS RESTRICTIONS ON PUBLIC EVENTS." 125 00:08:50,963 --> 00:08:53,366 "CITIZEN, YOU WILL RECEIVE LARGE BLACK MASK THAT ALSO 126 00:08:53,432 --> 00:09:01,140 COVERS REST OF HEAD. NOW EVERYONE INTO THE WINDOWLESS 127 00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:05,144 TESTING VAN CABLE NEWS IS COVERING THIS 128 00:09:05,211 --> 00:09:06,312 AROUND THE CLOCK, WHICH MADE FOR SOME ODD MOMENTS WHEN THEY 129 00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:10,249 CUT AWAY FROM THE WAR FOR COMMERCIALS. 130 00:09:10,316 --> 00:09:11,817 >> WE'LL GO INSIDE AND IN THE CAPITAL OF KYIV, AS AIR RAID 131 00:09:11,884 --> 00:09:13,986 SIRENS ARE RINGING OUT THIS MORNING. 132 00:09:14,053 --> 00:09:19,191 MUCH MORE REACTION AND INSIGHT FROM CNN CHIEF INTERNATIONAL 133 00:09:19,258 --> 00:09:21,127 ANCHOR CHRISTIANE AMANPOUR, UP NEXT. 134 00:09:21,193 --> 00:09:30,670 ( AIR RAID SIRENS ) ;(FADE TO COMMERCIAL) 135 00:09:30,736 --> 00:09:37,143 >> ♪ AND A LITTLE BIT OF 136 00:09:37,209 --> 00:09:39,779 CHICKEN FRIED. ♪ ♪ COLD BEER ON A FRIDAY NIGHT! ♪ 137 00:09:39,845 --> 00:09:41,814 >> Stephen: MEANWHILE, UKRAINE IS SINGING, 138 00:09:41,881 --> 00:09:49,989 ( CHILI'S RIBS COMMERCIAL ) "I WANT MY COUNTRY BACK, COUNTRY 139 00:09:50,056 --> 00:09:55,995 BACK, COUNTRY BACK." ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 140 00:09:56,062 --> 00:09:59,665 IMPORTANT TO KEEP OUR EYES ON THE UNHINGED FASCIST LUNATIC. 141 00:09:59,732 --> 00:10:05,137 I'M TALKING ABOUT FORMER PRESIDENT STONEWALL JACKASS. 142 00:10:05,204 --> 00:10:09,175 ( LAUGHTER ) PUTIN MESSAGE, FOREVER, AND HE 143 00:10:09,241 --> 00:10:13,045 WAS STILL AT IT LAST NIGHT IN A SPEECH AT MAR-A-GULAGO: 144 00:10:13,112 --> 00:10:17,049 >> TRUMP SAID, "PUTIN'S SMART." I MEAN, HE'S TAKING OVER A 145 00:10:17,116 --> 00:10:19,952 COUNTRY FOR $2 WORTH OF SANCTIONS. 146 00:10:20,019 --> 00:10:25,124 I'D SAY THAT'S PRETTY SMART. HE'S TAKING OVER A COUNTRY, 147 00:10:25,191 --> 00:10:30,396 REALLY A VAST, VAST LOCATION, A GREAT PIECE OF LAND WITH A 148 00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:38,004 LOT OF PEOPLE, AND JUST WALKING RIGHT IN. 149 00:10:38,070 --> 00:10:41,374 >> Stephen: EVERYTHING IS A REAL ESTATE DEAL WITH THIS GUY! 150 00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:43,976 IT'S THE BIGGEST ATTACK ON A EUROPEAN COUNTRY SINCE WORLD WAR 151 00:10:44,043 --> 00:10:46,479 II. WHEN HITLER INVADED POLAND, 152 00:10:46,545 --> 00:10:49,115 F.D.R. DIDN'T SAY, "WELL, IT WOULD MAKE A GOOD GOLF COURSE." 153 00:10:49,181 --> 00:10:52,518 THEN, AS THE INVASION BEGAN, THE EX-PREZ TOOK TO RUSSIAN STATE 154 00:10:52,585 --> 00:10:57,123 MEDIA-- SORRY, I MISPRONOUNCED THAT: FOX NEWS. 155 00:10:57,189 --> 00:11:06,298 AND HE HAD A LOT OF OPINIONS, ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 156 00:11:06,365 --> 00:11:11,070 JUST NOT A LOT OF INFORMATION: >> WE ARE JUST LEARNING THAT 157 00:11:11,137 --> 00:11:13,973 U.S. OFFICIALS ARE LOOKING AT A POTENTIAL AMPHIBIOUS LANDING NOW 158 00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:19,011 IN ODESSA, UKRAINE. >> IT IS ALSO VERY DANGEROUS 159 00:11:19,078 --> 00:11:21,113 THAT YOU TOLD ME ABOUT THE AMPHIBIOUS ATTACKS BY AMERICANS. 160 00:11:21,180 --> 00:11:24,350 YOU SHOULD NOT BE SAYING THAT, BECAUSE YOU AND EVERYBODY ELSE 161 00:11:24,417 --> 00:11:31,957 SHOULDN'T KNOW THAT. THEY SHOULD DO THAT SECRETLY, 162 00:11:32,024 --> 00:11:33,125 AND NOT BE DOING THAT THROUGH THE GREAT LAURA INGRAHAM. 163 00:11:33,192 --> 00:11:34,860 THEY SHOULD BE DOING THAT SECRETLY. 164 00:11:34,927 --> 00:11:35,995 NOBODY SHOULD KNOW THAT, LAURA. >> THAT WAS A RUSSIAN-- 165 00:11:36,062 --> 00:11:39,165 NO, THAT WAS A RUSSIAN AMPHIBIOUS LANDING. 166 00:11:39,231 --> 00:11:40,266 NO, THAT WAS A RUSSIAN AMPHIBIOUS LANDING. 167 00:11:40,332 --> 00:11:48,774 >> OH, I THOUGHT YOU SAID WE WERE SENDING PEOPLE IN. 168 00:11:48,841 --> 00:11:49,975 >> Stephen: SOMETIMES, HE HAS TROUBLE TELLING THE DIFFERENCE 169 00:11:50,042 --> 00:11:53,145 BETWEEN AMERICA AND RUSSIA. HE KNOWS HE WORKED FOR ONE OF 170 00:11:53,212 --> 00:11:55,648 THEM... WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU 171 00:11:55,714 --> 00:11:57,149 TONIGHT! MY GUESTS ARE JOURNALIST AND 172 00:11:57,216 --> 00:12:01,120 RUSSIAN ANALYST JULIA IOFFE, AND THOMAS LENNON. 173 00:12:01,187 --> 00:12:02,121 STICK AROUND. 174 00:12:23,909 --> 00:12:31,784 ♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY. 175 00:12:31,851 --> 00:12:43,362 WELCOME BACK, FRIENDS. YEAH! 176 00:12:43,429 --> 00:12:47,800 YEE, YEE! HEY, HELLO. 177 00:12:47,867 --> 00:12:48,801 , HELLO. >> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME 178 00:12:48,868 --> 00:12:50,536 BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW" MY FIRST GUEST HAS BEEN 179 00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:53,105 REPORTING ON RUSSIA FOR OVER 15 YEARS. 180 00:12:53,172 --> 00:12:55,774 SHE IS A FOUNDING PARTNER AND THE WASHINGTON CORRESPONDENT 181 00:12:55,841 --> 00:12:59,111 FOR PUCK NEWS. PLEASE WELCOME TO "THE LATE 182 00:12:59,178 --> 00:13:01,280 SHOW," JULIA IOFFE! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 183 00:13:01,347 --> 00:13:11,857 >> Stephen: HELLO, JULIA. ♪ 184 00:13:11,924 --> 00:13:12,992 >> HI. >> Stephen: HELLO. 185 00:13:13,058 --> 00:13:14,960 >> HI. >> Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU 186 00:13:15,027 --> 00:13:16,495 AGAIN. >> NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN TOO. 187 00:13:16,562 --> 00:13:20,533 >> Stephen: THE FIRST TIME YOU AND I ARE TALKING AT THE NEW 188 00:13:20,599 --> 00:13:22,067 DIGS, WAS THE FIRST TIME IN 2014. 189 00:13:22,134 --> 00:13:24,470 >> YES. IT WAS RIGHT AFTER RUSSIAN 190 00:13:24,537 --> 00:13:30,709 SEPARATE TESTS WITH HELP FROM THE FFB SHOT DOWN A MALAYSIAN 191 00:13:30,776 --> 00:13:32,945 AIRLINER WITH OVER 300 TOURISTS OVER UKRAINE. 192 00:13:33,012 --> 00:13:33,879 >> Stephen: I KNEW IT WAS A HAPPY DAY. 193 00:13:33,946 --> 00:13:36,048 >> WE NEED TO QUIT MOO MEETING LIKE THIS. 194 00:13:36,115 --> 00:13:39,051 >> Stephen: THE LAST TIME WE GOT TOGETHER WAS ANOTHER TRAGIC 195 00:13:39,118 --> 00:13:42,321 DAY WITH SOME RUSSIAN AGGRESSION WITH A LOT OF PEOPLE DYING AS A 196 00:13:42,388 --> 00:13:44,490 RESULT OF VLADIMIR PUTIN'S AMBITIONS. 197 00:13:44,557 --> 00:13:45,824 >> UH-HUH. >> Stephen: BACK THEN I THINK 198 00:13:45,891 --> 00:13:49,495 THE JOKE I MADE WAS I AM GOING TO TALK TO HER ABOUT THE 199 00:13:49,562 --> 00:13:53,098 CONFLICT BETWEEN RUSSIA AND UKRAINE, WE ARE GOING TO HAVE TO 200 00:13:53,165 --> 00:13:56,235 TALK QUICKLY WHILE THERE ARE STILL TWO SEPARATE COUNTRIES. 201 00:13:56,302 --> 00:14:02,141 WHAT IS HAPPENING NOW? RUSSIA LAUNCHED A FULL-SCALE 202 00:14:02,208 --> 00:14:05,110 ATTACK ON UKRAINE, SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED IN THE LAST 24 HOURS. 203 00:14:05,177 --> 00:14:09,215 WHERE DO THINGS STAND RIGHT NOW? >> SO THE DAY HAS DRAWN TO A 204 00:14:09,281 --> 00:14:11,083 CLOSE, THE FIRST 24 HOURS OF THE WAR. 205 00:14:11,150 --> 00:14:14,687 RUSSIA HAS BOMBED PRETTY MUCH EVERY MAJOR CITY IN UKRAINE. 206 00:14:14,753 --> 00:14:18,891 THERE WAS AN AM FIGURES YOU, AMPHIBIOUS ASSAULT ON ODESSA, 207 00:14:18,958 --> 00:14:22,828 RUSSIA HAS TAKEN OUT A LOT OF AIR DECEMBER 6 DEFENSES AND 208 00:14:22,895 --> 00:14:26,532 TAKEN OVER CHERNOBYL, WEIRDLY. THE BOMBING IS NORTH TO SOUTH, 209 00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:30,536 EAST TO WEST, BOMBING THE FAR WEST, THEY ARE BOMBING RIGHT 210 00:14:30,603 --> 00:14:33,305 OVER THE BORDER FROM RUSSIA, IT IS EVERYWHERE. 211 00:14:33,372 --> 00:14:37,176 >> Stephen: YOU HAVE REPORTED ON RUSSIA FOR 15 YEARS. 212 00:14:37,243 --> 00:14:41,146 IS THERE ANY ASPECT OF THIS THAT IS SURPRISING TO YOU? 213 00:14:41,213 --> 00:14:48,220 >> I THINK, YOU KNOW, ON ONE HAND I ALWAYS KNOW THAT TO GET 214 00:14:48,287 --> 00:14:53,392 RUSSIA RIGHT YOU HAVE TO GO WITH THE WORST CASE SCENARIO. 215 00:14:53,459 --> 00:14:57,029 IMAGINE LIKE IF EVERYTHING GOES WRONG AND IF THE WORST CAN COMES 216 00:14:57,096 --> 00:14:59,164 TO PAST THAT IS USUALLY WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN. 217 00:14:59,231 --> 00:15:00,699 THAT'S HOW YOU PREDICT WHAT HAPPENS WITH RUSSIA. 218 00:15:00,766 --> 00:15:03,869 >> Stephen: IS THAT BECAUSE RUSSIANS ARE FATALISTIC OR HAVE 219 00:15:03,936 --> 00:15:06,505 TO BE FATALISTIC WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT RUSSIANS? 220 00:15:06,572 --> 00:15:08,474 >> BOTH. BUT ALSO PUTIN IS IN CHARGE AND 221 00:15:08,540 --> 00:15:12,011 HE DOES CRAZY THINGS AND HE IS A BIG RISK TAKER. 222 00:15:12,077 --> 00:15:14,947 >> Stephen: THERE IS A LOT OF TALK ABOUT WHETHER HE IS A 223 00:15:15,014 --> 00:15:16,115 RATIONAL ACTOR. IS HE? 224 00:15:16,181 --> 00:15:19,018 >> I THINK IT DEPENDS HOW YOU DEFINE RATIONAL. 225 00:15:19,084 --> 00:15:20,953 >> Stephen: RATIONAL SELF INTEREST, HOW ABOUT THAT? 226 00:15:21,020 --> 00:15:23,989 >> YEAH. I THINK IN HIS OWN CLOSED SYSTEM 227 00:15:24,056 --> 00:15:28,060 HE IS LOGICALLY AND RATIONALLY CONSISTENT AND HAS BEEN OVER THE 228 00:15:28,127 --> 00:15:30,329 LAST 20 YEARS. SO THERE IS A REASON I THINK HE 229 00:15:30,396 --> 00:15:33,966 MADE THAT JOKE IN 2014 THAT BETTER TALK FAST BEFORE THEY ARE 230 00:15:34,033 --> 00:15:36,268 ONE COUNTRY, RIGHT? THERE WAS ALREADY SOMETHING YOU 231 00:15:36,335 --> 00:15:40,239 WERE SENSING OR THAT YOU HEARD ABOUT, YOU KNOW, HOW HE TALKS 232 00:15:40,306 --> 00:15:42,841 ABOUT UKRAINE THAT MADE YOU REALIZE THAT THIS IS SOMETHING 233 00:15:42,908 --> 00:15:45,911 HE MIGHT DO. HE HAS BEEN CONSISTENT ABOUT, 234 00:15:45,978 --> 00:15:49,281 AND NOW HERE WE ARE EIGHT YEARS LATER AND TRYING TO MAKE THEM 235 00:15:49,348 --> 00:15:50,582 BASICALLY ONE COUNTRY. >> Stephen: MAYBE YOU EXPLAIN 236 00:15:50,649 --> 00:15:58,023 THIS TO ME. PUTIN SAYS HE WANTS TO DE-NAZIFY 237 00:15:58,090 --> 00:16:00,225 UKRAINE. WHAT DOES HE MEAN THERE? 238 00:16:00,292 --> 00:16:04,229 IS HE SPEAKING IN A VOLUNTARY CAB LAYER FOR DOMESTIC 239 00:16:04,296 --> 00:16:09,101 CONSUMPTION WE DON'T UNDERSTAND, BUT 8 MILLION UKRAINIANS DIED IN 240 00:16:09,168 --> 00:16:12,504 WORLD WAR II, WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO THE HOME AUDIENCE WE WHEN HE 241 00:16:12,571 --> 00:16:16,141 SAYS THAT? >> WELL, IN 2014 WHEN THE 242 00:16:16,208 --> 00:16:22,514 REVOLUTION OF DIGNITY CAME TO MIDON AND TRIUMPHED THIS TIME IN 243 00:16:22,581 --> 00:16:28,220 2014, OR THIS MONTH, 2014, THERE WAS A VERY ACTIVE RIGHT WING 244 00:16:28,287 --> 00:16:32,191 NATIONALIST SOMETIMES NEO-NAZI CONTINGENT BUT IT WAS A MINORITY 245 00:16:32,257 --> 00:16:35,461 UNDER NIDON AND RUSSIAN PROPAGANDA TOOK THAT AND OFTEN 246 00:16:35,527 --> 00:16:38,630 TAKE A LITTLE BIT OF TRUTH AND SPIN IT INTO THIS, YOU KNOW, 247 00:16:38,697 --> 00:16:45,637 COTTON CANDY OF LIES AND EIGHT YEARS LATER WHAT RUSSIAN STATE 248 00:16:45,704 --> 00:16:48,607 TV TELLS PEOPLE AND I THINK PEOPLE AROUND PUTIN WATCH IT, 249 00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:52,211 DRINK THEIR OWN KOOL-AID A, AND THEY NOW HAVE COME TO BELIEVE 250 00:16:52,277 --> 00:16:56,215 THAT IT IS ALL NEONAZIS. I THINK THERE ARE A LOT OF 251 00:16:56,281 --> 00:16:59,017 RUSSIANS ESPECIALLY THOSE WHO WATCH STATE TV WHO THINK IT IS A 252 00:16:59,084 --> 00:17:04,757 COUNTRY RUN BY NAZIS, EVEN THOUGH IT HAS A JEWISH PRESIDENT 253 00:17:04,823 --> 00:17:08,761 WHO, MANY OF WHOSE RELATIVES WERE KILLED IN THE HOLOCAUST BY 254 00:17:08,827 --> 00:17:10,062 NAZIS. >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A 255 00:17:10,129 --> 00:17:11,930 QUICK BREAK BUT DON'T GO ANYWHERE. 256 00:17:11,997 --> 00:17:14,199 WE WILL BE BACK WITH MORE JULIA IOFFE, EVERYBODY. 257 00:17:20,272 --> 00:17:22,941 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY. WE ARE BACK HERE WITH JULIA 258 00:17:23,008 --> 00:17:26,545 IOFFE TALKING ABOUT THE RUSSIAN INVASION OF UKRAINE. 259 00:17:26,612 --> 00:17:29,148 PEOPLE HAVE TROUBLE UNDERSTANDING WHAT PUTIN IS 260 00:17:29,214 --> 00:17:32,351 GOING TO DO NEXT. HE IS, AS YOU CAN SAY, EXPECT 261 00:17:32,418 --> 00:17:35,487 THE WORSE BUT NOT EXACTLY SURE WHAT THAT WORST NEXT THING WILL 262 00:17:35,554 --> 00:17:37,956 BE. YOU HAVE SAID HE LIKES TO MAKE 263 00:17:38,023 --> 00:17:39,625 THE WEATHER. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? 264 00:17:39,691 --> 00:17:46,265 >> IT IS A RUSSIAN EXPRESSION, AND IT MEANS TO BASICALLY SET 265 00:17:46,331 --> 00:17:50,702 THE AGENDA, TO BE THE ONE THAT EVERYBODY IS RESPONDING TO, AND 266 00:17:50,769 --> 00:17:53,672 THAT'S WHAT WAS HAPPENING ALL OF THIS WEEK, ALL WEEK, EVERYBODY 267 00:17:53,739 --> 00:17:58,377 IN THE U.S. AND EUROPE AND UKRAINE WAS JUST WAITING ON ONE 268 00:17:58,444 --> 00:18:00,946 MAN TO MAKE A DECISION, AND HE REALLY LIKES THAT. 269 00:18:01,013 --> 00:18:03,882 IT IS SOMETHING HE REALLY DIDN'T LIKE ABOUT TRUMP, ACTUALLY, THAT 270 00:18:03,949 --> 00:18:07,786 TRUMP WAS SUDDENLY THE MORE UNPREDICTABLE GUY AND HE KIND OF 271 00:18:07,853 --> 00:18:11,323 TOOK AWAY HIS ONE TRICK. NOW IT IS HIS AGAIN. 272 00:18:11,390 --> 00:18:13,392 >> Stephen: HE DEFINITELY HAS SET THE WEATHER IN THE LAST 273 00:18:13,459 --> 00:18:15,461 COUPLE OF WEEKS. BIDEN IS PUTTING TOGETHER A 274 00:18:15,527 --> 00:18:18,464 BUNCH OF WEATHER MEN RIGHT NOW, ESSENTIALLY. 275 00:18:18,530 --> 00:18:19,832 HE HAS GOTTEN TOGETHER. >> THE UNDERGROUND. 276 00:18:19,898 --> 00:18:23,735 >> Stephen: STORM TEAM 5 OR WHATEVER. 277 00:18:23,802 --> 00:18:27,773 JIM CANTORI OR WHATEVER IS TRACKING WHAT PUTIN IS GOING TO 278 00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:30,642 DO. WHAT ABOUT THE SACKS A, 279 00:18:30,709 --> 00:18:32,711 SANCTIONS ANNOUNCED TO BE PUT IN PLACE. 280 00:18:32,778 --> 00:18:35,781 THISSER FAIRLY SIGNIFICANT, THEY HAVEN'T GONE AS FAR AS 281 00:18:35,848 --> 00:18:39,284 COMPLETELY KICKING HMM HIM OUT OF THE INTERNATIONAL BANKING 282 00:18:39,351 --> 00:18:41,119 SYSTEM. DO YOU THINK IT WILL HAVE ANY 283 00:18:41,186 --> 00:18:44,590 EFFECT IF NOT IN THE SHORT TERM BUT IN THE LONG-TERM, IT WILL 284 00:18:44,656 --> 00:18:46,758 TAKE A WHILE FOR THINGS TO SET? IN? 285 00:18:46,825 --> 00:18:49,928 >> I THINK DEFINITELY IT WILL TAKE A WHILE TO SET IN AND DO 286 00:18:49,995 --> 00:18:52,865 TREMENDOUS DAMAGE TO THE RUSSIAN ECONOMY, BUT THAT WON'T STOP 287 00:18:52,931 --> 00:18:53,966 PUTIN. HE IS NOT THE ONE WHO IS GOING 288 00:18:54,032 --> 00:18:57,069 TO BE SUFFERING. THE PEOPLE AROUND HIM IN HIS 289 00:18:57,135 --> 00:18:59,771 CLOSEST CIRCLE ARE NOT GOING TO BE THE PEOPLE SUFFERING. 290 00:18:59,838 --> 00:19:03,308 IT IS GOING TO BE THE PENSIONERS WHO HAVE BEEN SUFFERING SINCE 291 00:19:03,375 --> 00:19:04,543 2014. >> Stephen: SO HE DOESN'T NEED 292 00:19:04,610 --> 00:19:08,113 AN ECONOMY, HE DOESN'T NEED AN INDUSTRY,? 293 00:19:08,180 --> 00:19:09,715 HE IS NOT AFRAID OF HIS OWN PEOPLE IN ANY WAY? 294 00:19:09,781 --> 00:19:14,319 >> I THINK IT IS NOT A COINCIDENCE THIS HAS HAPPENED 295 00:19:14,386 --> 00:19:18,156 AFTER A FULL YEAR OF HIM ERADICATING THE OPPOSITION IN 296 00:19:18,223 --> 00:19:23,762 EVERY SENSE, AND NOW A YEAR LATER THIS IS, IT STARTED WITH 297 00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:27,432 -- COMING BACK FROM GERMANY AFTER HE RECOVERED FROM BEING 298 00:19:27,499 --> 00:19:30,235 POISONED BY THE FFB, FOR HAPPY NEWS. 299 00:19:30,302 --> 00:19:33,405 >> Stephen: SURE. >> HE, PUTIN BASICALLY DECIDED 300 00:19:33,472 --> 00:19:37,809 WE ARE DONE, I LET YOU GUYS PLAY AT OPPOSITION POLITICS, AT 301 00:19:37,876 --> 00:19:40,178 HAVING A FREE PRESS AND HAVING ACTIVISM AND A CIVIL SOCIETY. 302 00:19:40,245 --> 00:19:45,284 WE ARE DONE. AND HE DISBANDED A LOT OF NGOS, 303 00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:48,887 DROVE A LOT OF ACTIVISTS AND JOURNALIST OUT OF THE COUNTRY. 304 00:19:48,954 --> 00:19:51,823 PEOPLE ARE, YOU KNOW, PEOPLE ARE IN JAIL FOR POSTING THESE VIDEOS 305 00:19:51,890 --> 00:19:55,694 FOR LIKING SOMETHING ON FACEBOOK. 306 00:19:55,761 --> 00:20:01,133 ONE OF HIS LIEUTENANT'S, A YOUNG MAN WAS, ESCAPED RUSSIA BECAUSE 307 00:20:01,199 --> 00:20:04,136 HE HAD A CRIMINAL CASE BREWING AGAINST HIM, SO WHAT HE DID IS 308 00:20:04,202 --> 00:20:07,005 THEY ARRESTED HIS 69-YEAR-OLD FATHER AND SENTENCED HIM TO 309 00:20:07,072 --> 00:20:12,678 THREE YEARS IN A PENAL COLONY. SO WHEN YOU SEE THESE VIDEOS OF 310 00:20:12,744 --> 00:20:15,881 THESE PROTESTS TODAY AND PEOPLE, 900 PEOPLE GETTING ARRESTED IT 311 00:20:15,948 --> 00:20:19,251 IS A MUCH SMALLER PROTEST THAN WE HAVE SEEN IN THE LAST TEN 312 00:20:19,318 --> 00:20:20,419 YEARS. BUT IT IS STILL AMAZING THAT 313 00:20:20,485 --> 00:20:23,522 THAT MANY PEOPLE CAME OUT IN THIS KIND OF CLIMATE WHERE IT 314 00:20:23,589 --> 00:20:27,659 HAS BECOME SO MUCH MORE DANGEROUS AND TERRIFYING TO GO 315 00:20:27,726 --> 00:20:29,294 AGAINST VLADIMIR PUTIN PUBLICLY. >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A 316 00:20:29,361 --> 00:20:32,698 LITTLE BREAK BUT WHEN WE COME BACK I WILL ASK JULIA IF THERE 317 00:20:32,764 --> 00:20:35,033 IS ANYTHING HOPEFUL SHE SEES IN ANY OF THIS. 318 00:20:35,100 --> 00:20:36,168 STICK AROUND. [APPLAUSE] 319 00:20:44,276 --> 00:20:47,479 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WE ARE BACK WITH JULIA IOFFE. 320 00:20:47,546 --> 00:20:51,917 JULIA, DO YOU HAVE A REACTION TO PEOPLE OFTEN ON THE RIGHT IN THE 321 00:20:51,984 --> 00:20:56,688 UNITED STATES AND MANY PEOPLE ON THE RIGHT WING MEDIA WHO SAY WE 322 00:20:56,755 --> 00:21:00,292 HAVE GOT NO SKIN IN THIS GAME? LIKE WHY ARE WE AGAINST PUTIN? 323 00:21:00,359 --> 00:21:03,328 WHY WOULD YOU DISLIKE PUTIN? WHY WOULD YOU POSSIBLY PULL FOR 324 00:21:03,395 --> 00:21:04,463 UKRAINE? THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE BETWEEN 325 00:21:04,529 --> 00:21:07,065 THE TWO OF THEM, WE SHOULD HAVE NO INVOLVEMENT IN THIS. 326 00:21:07,132 --> 00:21:11,370 THAT IS JUST EASTERN EUROPEAN'S FIGHTING EASTERN EUROPEANS, NO 327 00:21:11,436 --> 00:21:14,840 CONCERN OF OURS. >> I THINK THERE ARE TWO 328 00:21:14,906 --> 00:21:17,476 DIFFERENT STRAIGHTENS, THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO SAY THAT AND TO THEM 329 00:21:17,542 --> 00:21:22,280 I WOULD SAY THAT PEOPLE LIKE PUTIN, PEOPLE LIKE KIM JONG-UN, 330 00:21:22,347 --> 00:21:25,717 THEY RARELY STAY WITHIN THEIR BORDERS. 331 00:21:25,784 --> 00:21:29,488 THEY ALWAYS WANT TO EAT MORE. OR THEY ARE LIKE A SHARK, YOU 332 00:21:29,554 --> 00:21:34,626 EITHER SWIM OR YOU SINK, AND, YOU KNOW, NOW IT IS UKRAINE, HE 333 00:21:34,693 --> 00:21:37,062 MIGHT TRY TO DRAG IN THE BALANCE TICKS WHICH MEANS WE WOULD HAVE 334 00:21:37,129 --> 00:21:40,599 TO GET INTO A WAR WITH RUSSIA BECAUSE WE ARE BOUND BY 335 00:21:40,666 --> 00:21:43,268 OBLIGATION TO DEPEND POLAND. >> Stephen: THAT'S THE WORST 336 00:21:43,335 --> 00:21:45,404 CASE SCENARIO IS ATTACKING A NATO COUNTRY. 337 00:21:45,470 --> 00:21:47,706 >> IT IS HALF OF THE WORST CASE SCENARIO 0. 338 00:21:47,773 --> 00:21:49,975 >> Stephen: THAT'S ONLY HALF A WORST CASE? 339 00:21:50,042 --> 00:21:51,977 >> YES, I AM SORRY. >> Stephen: WHAT IS THE OTHER 340 00:21:52,044 --> 00:21:53,879 HALF. THE OTHER HALF OF THE WORST CASE 341 00:21:53,945 --> 00:21:57,983 AND THIS IS REALLY FUNNY, "FUNNY" BECAUSE I WAS TALKING TO 342 00:21:58,050 --> 00:22:03,422 A PERSON I KNOW IN WASHINGTON WHO IS KIND OF A NEOCON 343 00:22:03,488 --> 00:22:06,324 PERSUASION, WORKED IN THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION ON PUSHING FOR 344 00:22:06,391 --> 00:22:11,963 IRAQ WAR, AND THIS PERSON SAID WELL LOOK, THE GOOD NEWS IS WE 345 00:22:12,030 --> 00:22:16,068 ALSO THOUGHT IRAQ WAS GOING TO BE EASY. 346 00:22:16,134 --> 00:22:18,236 >> Stephen: SO THEY COULD GET BOGGED DOWN. 347 00:22:18,303 --> 00:22:20,739 >> RIGHT. >> Stephen: AND PROLONGED 348 00:22:20,806 --> 00:22:22,774 OCCUPATION OF UKRAINE? >> YEAH. 349 00:22:22,841 --> 00:22:25,811 THEY GET FOOLED BY A SHOCK AND AWE SITUATION WHERE THEY QUICKLY 350 00:22:25,877 --> 00:22:30,549 DECAPITATE THE GOVERNMENT, INSTALL A PUPPET REGIME, I DON'T 351 00:22:30,615 --> 00:22:36,788 KNOW, ZELENSKY AND TRY HIM FOR WAR CRIMES AND THEN SLOWLY AN 352 00:22:36,855 --> 00:22:39,357 INSURGENCY STARTS BUILDING, IN FACT THE U.S. HAS BEEN HELPING 353 00:22:39,424 --> 00:22:42,861 UKRAINIANS TRAIN FOR THESE KIND OF, FOR THIS KIND OF SCENARIO, 354 00:22:42,928 --> 00:22:46,898 TEACHING THEM THE THINGS THAT THE U.S. LEARNED IN IRAQ WHEN IT 355 00:22:46,965 --> 00:22:52,070 WAS FIGHTING INSURGENCY SO WE ARE TEACHING THEM KIND OF THE 356 00:22:52,137 --> 00:22:55,373 SAUDI BRIGADE METHODS, AND THEN WE CAN GET DRAGGED IN WITH A 357 00:22:55,440 --> 00:23:00,112 NATO COUNTRY, SO -- >> Stephen: SO THAT'S THE FULL 358 00:23:00,178 --> 00:23:02,681 WORST CASE, SCENARIO? >> AND I AM SORRY. 359 00:23:02,748 --> 00:23:04,883 >> Stephen: THAT IS ONLY TWO-THIRDS OF THE WORST CASE? 360 00:23:04,950 --> 00:23:07,385 >> TWO-THIRDS. >> Stephen: WHAT IS LAST 361 00:23:07,452 --> 00:23:08,920 THIRD? BECAUSE YOU ARE AT HEART FROM 362 00:23:08,987 --> 00:23:13,225 RUSSIA AND BORN IN RUSSIA, THIS IS YOUR WORST CASE SCENARIO, SEE 363 00:23:13,291 --> 00:23:16,128 THINGS AS BAD AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN, JULIA IOFFE, WE CAN TAKE 364 00:23:16,194 --> 00:23:18,363 IT. >> IT IS VERY HARD FOR ME BUT I 365 00:23:18,430 --> 00:23:20,899 WILL DO IT ANYWAY. SO I THINK THE OTHER PART OF IT 366 00:23:20,966 --> 00:23:24,669 IS THAT WITH ALL OF THIS INSTABILITY, YOU ARE ALREADY 367 00:23:24,736 --> 00:23:28,006 SEEING PEOPLE FLEEING ON FOOT FROM UKRAINE ACROSS THE BORDER 368 00:23:28,073 --> 00:23:34,246 INTO HUNGARY, FOR EXAMPLE OR INTO POLAND AND AS WE SAW WITH 369 00:23:34,312 --> 00:23:38,316 MASSIVE REFUGEES FROM SYRIA SIX YEARS AGO, FIVE YEARS AGO, WHICH 370 00:23:38,383 --> 00:23:42,187 GAVE US BREXIT, WHICH GAVE US THE RISE OF NATIONALIST FAR 371 00:23:42,254 --> 00:23:47,392 RIGHT PARTIES ALL OVER EUROPE, AND THAT WAS LIKE SIX YEARS AGO, 372 00:23:47,459 --> 00:23:50,962 EUROPE HAS SUPER SATURATED WITH REFUGEES AND I DON'T KNOW IF 373 00:23:51,029 --> 00:23:55,367 THEY CAN HANDLE ANOTHER MASSIVE FLOW OF REFUGEES COMING ACROSS 374 00:23:55,433 --> 00:23:59,437 THEIR BORDERS, WHAT THAT WOULD MEAN FOR THEM POLITICALLY, WOULD 375 00:23:59,504 --> 00:24:02,073 IT PUSH THEM EVEN FURTHER TO THE RIGHT? 376 00:24:02,140 --> 00:24:05,243 >> Stephen: SO WHAT IS THE BEST-CASE SCENARIO, DO YOU HAVE 377 00:24:05,310 --> 00:24:07,412 ONE OF THOSE? >> I DO, BUT I DON'T THINK YOU 378 00:24:07,479 --> 00:24:09,447 WILL THINK IT IS A BEST-CASE SCENARIO. 379 00:24:09,514 --> 00:24:11,583 >> Stephen: DO YOUR BEST, IT IS A LATE NIGHT TV SHOW. 380 00:24:11,650 --> 00:24:14,753 >> DO YOU HAVE ANYMORE OF THAT BOURBON? 381 00:24:14,820 --> 00:24:17,556 >> Stephen: I HAVE A WHOLE BAR BACK THERE, I HAVE VODKA TOO. 382 00:24:17,622 --> 00:24:21,927 >> PERFECT. LET'S DO SHOTS. 383 00:24:21,993 --> 00:24:26,331 [APPLAUSE] >> I THINK THE BEST-CASE 384 00:24:26,398 --> 00:24:30,302 SCENARIO IS, THIS SOUNDS HORRIBLE THAT THEY ACCOMPLISH 385 00:24:30,368 --> 00:24:34,272 WHAT THEY WANT TO IN UKRAINE, DECAPITATE THE GOVERNMENT, 386 00:24:34,339 --> 00:24:39,177 INSTALL A PUPPET REGIME, WITHDRAW WITHOUT OCCUPYING IT 387 00:24:39,244 --> 00:24:42,681 AND SCARY UH UKRAINIANS ENOUGH NOT TO HAVE ANOTHER REVOLUTION 388 00:24:42,747 --> 00:24:45,951 TO BRING IN A NEW DEMOCRATIC GOVERNMENT FOR ANOTHER FEW YEARS 389 00:24:46,017 --> 00:24:49,354 AND KEEP THINGS CALM THAT WAY. >> Stephen: THAT'S YOUR 390 00:24:49,421 --> 00:24:51,356 BEST-CASE SCENARIO? YOU HAVE GOT NO -- 391 00:24:51,423 --> 00:24:56,127 >> OH, NO, I BEST, BEST-CASE SCENARIO UKRAINE WINS AND DRIVES 392 00:24:56,194 --> 00:24:59,364 THEM BACK BUT -- THAT IS THE BEST-CASE SCENARIO. 393 00:24:59,431 --> 00:25:05,637 >> Stephen: WHAT ABOUT THIS. WHAT ABOUT NO HOPE, HUH? 394 00:25:05,704 --> 00:25:06,838 OKAY. NO HOPE. 395 00:25:06,905 --> 00:25:09,407 I WAS HOPING FOR JUST A DOLLOP, A LITTLE REY OF SUNSHINE. 396 00:25:09,474 --> 00:25:12,978 >> I HAVE BEEN THINKING HARD ABOUT THIS. 397 00:25:13,044 --> 00:25:15,547 I GOT SOME HOMEWORK AND I THINK I CAME UP WITH SOMETHING. 398 00:25:15,614 --> 00:25:16,715 >> Stephen: OKAY. WHAT IS IT? 399 00:25:16,781 --> 00:25:19,384 >> I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS AND WATCHING MY FRIENDS 400 00:25:19,451 --> 00:25:22,587 FREAK OUT IN MOSCOW ABOUT THEIR GOVERNMENT GETTING THEM INTO A 401 00:25:22,654 --> 00:25:26,992 WAR THAT THEY DON'T AGREE WITH, AND THAT THEY FEEL, THEY ARE 402 00:25:27,058 --> 00:25:30,161 STILL CULPABLE FOR, WATCHING UKRAINIANS FIGHT BACK THE WAY 403 00:25:30,228 --> 00:25:33,498 THEY HAVE BEEN AND THESE ARE PEOPLE WHO DON'T HAVE AS MUCH 404 00:25:33,565 --> 00:25:36,835 EXPERIENCE WITH DEMOCRACY AS WE DO, RUSSIANS ESPECIALLY RUSSIANS 405 00:25:36,902 --> 00:25:41,139 OF MY GENERATION HAVE BARELY EVER EXPERIENCE EXPERIENCED IT, 406 00:25:41,206 --> 00:25:44,409 REALLY HAVEN'T, THE UKRAINIANS HAD IT FOR A COUPLE OF DECADES 407 00:25:44,476 --> 00:25:46,711 AND LOOK HOW HARD THEY ARE FIGHTING FOR IT. 408 00:25:46,778 --> 00:25:52,150 AND I THINK WE TEND TO TAKE IT FOR GRANTED AND BE, AND WE ARE 409 00:25:52,217 --> 00:25:54,386 COMPLACENT ABOUT IT THAT'S WHY WE WERE SURPRISED BY JANUARY 6TH 410 00:25:54,452 --> 00:25:59,024 AND SURPRISED BY TRUMP, AND IF IT TEACHES US ANYTHING I THINK 411 00:25:59,090 --> 00:26:03,528 IT IS THAT DEMOCRACY IS WORK, IT IS VIGILANCE, IT IS BEING 412 00:26:03,595 --> 00:26:07,332 EDUCATED, IT IS BEING SAVVY CONSUMER OF MEDIA, IT IS VOTING, 413 00:26:07,399 --> 00:26:12,070 IT IS PAYING ATTENTION. [APPLAUSE] 414 00:26:12,137 --> 00:26:14,739 >> >> Stephen: AND A CAUTIONARY 415 00:26:14,806 --> 00:26:16,508 TALE. >> LIKE WE ALREADY HAVE IT. 416 00:26:16,574 --> 00:26:19,377 WE JUST HAVE TO MAKE IT BETTER. WE ALREADY HAVE IT. 417 00:26:19,444 --> 00:26:22,280 WE HAVE HAD IT FOR HUNDREDS OF YEARS. 418 00:26:22,347 --> 00:26:23,481 ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS KEEP IT AND MAKE IT BETTER. 419 00:26:23,548 --> 00:26:25,617 THESE GUYS ARE STARTING FROM SCRATCH. 420 00:26:25,684 --> 00:26:31,289 >> Stephen: AS JEFFERSON SAID, THE PRICE OF LIBERTY IS ETERNAL 421 00:26:31,356 --> 00:26:32,357 VIGILANCE. >> YEAH. 422 00:26:32,424 --> 00:26:34,025 >> Stephen: AND THIS IS A CAUTIONARY TALE FOR US. 423 00:26:34,092 --> 00:26:36,461 >> YES. >> Stephen: WELL, JULIA, THANK 424 00:26:36,528 --> 00:26:44,169 YOU FOR ALL OF THE CHEER. YOU CAN READ HER ARTICLES AT 425 00:26:44,235 --> 00:26:45,003 PUCK.NEWS, JULIA IOFFE, EVERYBODY, WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK 426 00:26:45,070 --> 00:26:46,004 WITH THOMAS LENNON. ♪ 427 00:27:04,255 --> 00:27:08,660 ♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY. 428 00:27:08,727 --> 00:27:12,897 WELCOME BACK. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. 429 00:27:12,964 --> 00:27:16,267 MY NEXT GUEST IS AN ACTOR AND COMEDIAN YOU KNOW AS LIEUTENANT 430 00:27:16,334 --> 00:27:19,204 DANGLE IN DANGLE IN "RENO 911." 431 00:27:19,270 --> 00:27:22,640 HE'S BACK IN "RENO 911! DEFUNDED." 432 00:27:22,707 --> 00:27:26,444 >> THAT'S RIGHT. MEET THE RENO SHERIFF'S 433 00:27:26,511 --> 00:27:29,547 DEPARTMENT ELITE BICYCLE RIOT RESPONSE DIVISION. 434 00:27:29,614 --> 00:27:41,026 EVER HEARD OF THE BLUE ANGELS? WELL, MEET THE BEIGE ANGELS. 435 00:27:41,092 --> 00:27:45,063 >> HEY, ARE YOU AFRAID? >> ARE YOU AFRAID? 436 00:27:45,130 --> 00:27:55,040 >> CALL THE ANGELS. ♪ BLEEP ♪ 437 00:27:55,106 --> 00:28:00,645 ♪ BLEEP, BLEEP. >> WE HAVE TO PUT SOME TAPE 438 00:28:00,712 --> 00:28:03,515 HERE. PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO THE LATE 439 00:28:03,581 --> 00:28:18,463 SHOW THOMAS LENNON! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 440 00:28:18,530 --> 00:28:21,966 SHOW THOMAS LENNON! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 441 00:28:22,033 --> 00:28:25,336 >> UH-OH. 442 00:28:25,403 --> 00:28:27,138 MAN IT IS ABOUT TO GET A LOT DUMBER. 443 00:28:27,205 --> 00:28:29,407 >> IT IS ABOUT TO GET A LOT DUMBER. 444 00:28:29,474 --> 00:28:30,842 >> Stephen: STARTING TO GET VERY SEXY. 445 00:28:30,909 --> 00:28:33,611 ONLY THE, THAT IS FANTASTIC. >> THANKS, STEVE. 446 00:28:33,678 --> 00:28:41,653 >> Stephen: THE TURTLENECK AND THE SCRUFER AND THE PEPPER, I AM 447 00:28:41,719 --> 00:28:44,355 GETTING THE CLOONEY VIBE. >> WITH YOUR APPROVAL, MY NEW 448 00:28:44,422 --> 00:28:48,493 YEAR'S RESOLUTION IS RIGHT TRY E DREAMIER. 449 00:28:48,560 --> 00:28:50,695 >> Stephen: GOOD JOB. HUGH HAVE YOU BEEN? 450 00:28:50,762 --> 00:28:52,330 THE LAST TIME WE TALKED WAS OVER ZOOM. 451 00:28:52,397 --> 00:28:54,933 >> THAT'S RIGHT. >> Stephen: AND THAT WAS IN 452 00:28:54,999 --> 00:28:58,136 APRIL OF 2020, RIGHT AT THE BEGINNING OF THE QUESTION HAD NO 453 00:28:58,203 --> 00:29:00,004 IDEA HOW LONG THIS WAS GOING TO TO GO ON. 454 00:29:00,071 --> 00:29:04,375 >> AND THANK GOODNESS WE WRAPPED IT UP SO NICELY, RIGHT. 455 00:29:04,442 --> 00:29:06,478 >> Stephen: RIGHT. >> DIDN'T WE? 456 00:29:06,544 --> 00:29:10,081 >> Stephen: WE DID, YEAH. >> I CAME ON THE SHOW AND WE 457 00:29:10,148 --> 00:29:13,852 DID, WE DID A GREAT BIT WHERE I WAS PLAYING JOE EXOTIC. 458 00:29:13,918 --> 00:29:19,023 >> Stephen: YES, HERE YOU ARE PLAYING JOE EXOTIC RIGHT THERE. 459 00:29:19,090 --> 00:29:24,329 >> >> AND I HAVE TO TELL YOU, I 460 00:29:24,395 --> 00:29:27,365 ABSOLUTELY LOVED YOUR JOE EXOTIC IMPRESSION. 461 00:29:27,432 --> 00:29:28,533 >> THANK YOU. THANK YOU. 462 00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:34,906 I WOULD LIKE TO POINT OUT, SO DID 49 PERCENT OF AMERICA. 463 00:29:34,973 --> 00:29:39,444 BUT THE 51 THAT DID NOT LIKE IT WAS VERY, VERY, VERY NOISY. 464 00:29:39,511 --> 00:29:42,080 THEY WERE. >> Stephen: THEY WERE REALLY 465 00:29:42,147 --> 00:29:45,083 MAD AT YOU AND ME. >> OH, PEOPLE WERE SO MAD. 466 00:29:45,150 --> 00:29:49,120 WELL, THE FIRST QUESTION WAS LIKE WHY IS HE HAVING JOE EXOTIC 467 00:29:49,187 --> 00:29:50,522 ON THE SHOW. >> Stephen: YES. 468 00:29:50,588 --> 00:29:53,458 >> AND I THOUGHT THAT MEANT I DID A GOOD JOB. 469 00:29:53,525 --> 00:29:57,529 >> Stephen: PEOPLE WERE VERY UPSET, WEREN'T THEY, CHRIS? 470 00:29:57,595 --> 00:30:01,332 DON'T HAVE HIM ON AND THEN VERY MAD IT WASN'T REAL. 471 00:30:01,399 --> 00:30:07,272 IT WAS A PERFECT IMOBIUS OF TWITTER NOTHINGNESS. 472 00:30:07,338 --> 00:30:09,607 >> Stephen: YOU ARE WELCOME FOR ALL OF THE HATE. 473 00:30:09,674 --> 00:30:12,377 >> THANK YOU. >> Stephen: THAT'S WHAT WE GET 474 00:30:12,443 --> 00:30:15,780 BACK IN THE GREENROOM, WE GET CHEER -- CHEESE, BEER AND A LOT 475 00:30:15,847 --> 00:30:18,383 OF HATE. >> AND INTERNET TROLLING. 476 00:30:18,449 --> 00:30:22,120 IT IS CUTE BECAUSE THE DEPARTMENT AT YOUR SHOW CALLED 477 00:30:22,187 --> 00:30:23,955 ME AND SAID, YOU KNOW, WE WILL SEND YOU A BUNCH OF STUFF TO 478 00:30:24,022 --> 00:30:27,358 MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE JOE EXOTIC. >> Stephen: YES, WE HAVE TO 479 00:30:27,425 --> 00:30:31,529 GET THIS -- >> AND IT IS LIKE I HAVE BEEN IN 480 00:30:31,596 --> 00:30:36,267 SKETCH COMEDY MY WHOLE LIFE, I HAVE NINE OPTIONS FOR JOE EXOTIC 481 00:30:36,334 --> 00:30:38,469 IN THE CLOSET. >> Stephen: YOU ALSO JOINED 482 00:30:38,536 --> 00:30:40,238 TIKTOK, OBVIOUSLY WHICH A LOT OF PEOPLE DID. 483 00:30:40,305 --> 00:30:41,706 >> YES. >> Stephen: YOU ARE PROUD OF 484 00:30:41,773 --> 00:30:44,642 SOME OF YOUR VIDEOS YOU REALLY MADE AN IMPACT. 485 00:30:44,709 --> 00:30:47,212 THIS ONE I UNDERSTAND WE ARE GOING TO SHOW RIGHT HERE IS YOUR 486 00:30:47,278 --> 00:30:50,315 MOST POPULAR VIDEO WITH 1.6 MILLION VIEWS AND JUST LET 487 00:30:50,381 --> 00:30:52,083 IT SPEAK FOR ITSELF. >> AND THAT CAN'T BE WRONG. 488 00:30:52,150 --> 00:30:55,353 >> HEY, TOM WITH SUPER IMPORTANT LIF ACT, THOSE TINY BAGS THAT 489 00:30:55,420 --> 00:31:00,358 COME WITH THE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS, HERE IS WHAT YOU NEED TO DO WITH 490 00:31:00,425 --> 00:31:02,927 THEM, READY? THROW THEM IN THE [BLEEP] 491 00:31:02,994 --> 00:31:05,597 GARBAGE, YOU WILL NEVER USE THEM EVER. 492 00:31:05,663 --> 00:31:07,765 >> Stephen: 1.6 MILLION VIEWS. >> UH-HUH. 493 00:31:07,832 --> 00:31:10,001 [APPLAUSE] >> Stephen: WHY DO YOU THINK? 494 00:31:10,068 --> 00:31:11,269 WHY DO YOU THINK THAT'S THE HOT ONE. 495 00:31:11,336 --> 00:31:15,573 >> THE SECRET OF TIKTOK IS, THE WAY TO MAKE A GREAT TIKTOK IS 496 00:31:15,640 --> 00:31:18,676 YOU THINK, I PROBABLY SHOULDN'T -- THIS IS PROBABLY SOMETHING 497 00:31:18,743 --> 00:31:23,581 TOO STUPID FOR ME TO DO. THIS IS JUST TOO STUPID, IT IS 498 00:31:23,648 --> 00:31:26,584 TOO PEDESTRIAN, IT IS JUST THE DUMBEST THING I EVER THOUGHT OF. 499 00:31:26,651 --> 00:31:30,021 THOSE ARE THE HITS. THEY ARE THE ONLY HITS. 500 00:31:30,088 --> 00:31:34,459 GO RIGHT TO THE HITS. >> Stephen: SO THE NEW SHOW IS 501 00:31:34,525 --> 00:31:37,161 THE NEW SEASON IS RENO 911 DEFUNDED. 502 00:31:37,228 --> 00:31:38,997 >> YES. >> Stephen: TELL ME ABOUT THE 503 00:31:39,063 --> 00:31:40,431 DEFUNDED PART OF THAT TITLE. >> YOU KNOW,. 504 00:31:40,498 --> 00:31:42,800 >> Stephen: THAT SOUNDS TOPICAL. 505 00:31:42,867 --> 00:31:47,939 >> IT WAS -- SO ALL STREAMING ON ROKU CHANNEL A. 506 00:31:48,006 --> 00:31:50,241 >> Stephen: I HAVE ROKU CHANNEL? 507 00:31:50,308 --> 00:31:54,946 YOU MADE A JOKE ABOUT ROKU CHANNEL LAST WEEK ON THE SHOW. 508 00:31:55,013 --> 00:31:55,680 >> >> Stephen: I DON'T BELIEVE I 509 00:31:55,747 --> 00:31:56,581 DID. >> YOU DID. 510 00:31:56,648 --> 00:31:58,049 >> Stephen: ROLL THE TAPE, ROLL THE TAPE. 511 00:31:58,116 --> 00:32:01,819 >> I DID NOT MAKE A JOKE. >> ROLL THE TAPE! 512 00:32:01,886 --> 00:32:04,555 >> Stephen: MANY OF MY FRIENDS --. 513 00:32:04,622 --> 00:32:08,960 YOUR FRIENDS MADE A JOKE ABOUT ROKU CHANNEL. 514 00:32:09,027 --> 00:32:11,296 >> YOU MAKE A JOKE ABOUT ROKU CHANNEL? 515 00:32:11,362 --> 00:32:15,333 I DON'T THINK YOU DID. >> Stephen: SEE? 516 00:32:15,400 --> 00:32:18,703 >> EVERYBODY IS GOING TO MAKE -- SO YOU WERE JUST GOING TO MAKE 517 00:32:18,770 --> 00:32:20,538 IN A JOKE ABOUT -- IT IS A GREAT CHANNEL A. 518 00:32:20,605 --> 00:32:25,076 >> Stephen: IT IS. >> THE NEW EPISODES, IT WAS 519 00:32:25,143 --> 00:32:28,379 HANDY THIS YEAR BECAUSE THE WORLD OF LAW ENFORCEMENT KEPT 520 00:32:28,446 --> 00:32:33,718 GIVING US IDEAS, WHETHER THEY MEANT TO OR NOT. 521 00:32:33,785 --> 00:32:34,919 YOU KNOW,. >> Stephen: LIKE THE BIKES? 522 00:32:34,986 --> 00:32:40,358 >> THE BIKES, THAT SORT OF WAS BASED ON THE CITY OF MIAMI HAS 523 00:32:40,425 --> 00:32:43,428 AN EMERGENCY RIOT RESPONSE DIVISION. 524 00:32:43,494 --> 00:32:46,731 AND THEY ARE ON BIKES. >> Stephen: GET THROUGH A 525 00:32:46,798 --> 00:32:48,366 CROWD, I GUESS. >> COULD YOU? 526 00:32:48,433 --> 00:32:50,735 WHAT IS THE ADVANTAGE? I CAN'T THINK OF ONE. 527 00:32:50,802 --> 00:32:53,838 >> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW. A LOT OF RIOT POLICE ARE ON 528 00:32:53,905 --> 00:32:55,873 HORSEBACK. >> THAT MAKES SENSE, THAT IS SO 529 00:32:55,940 --> 00:32:59,277 INTIMIDATING, WHOA, WHOA, HEY, HORSE GUY, I AM SO SORRY. 530 00:32:59,344 --> 00:33:02,547 THAT IS A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THING, BUT SO THE MIAMI BEACH, 531 00:33:02,613 --> 00:33:06,017 THEY POSTED THEIR ELITE BICYCLE DIVISION AND IN THE VIDEO WHERE 532 00:33:06,084 --> 00:33:09,921 THEY POSTED THEMSELVES THEY ALL WIPE OUT, JUST LIKE, EVERYBODY 533 00:33:09,987 --> 00:33:13,424 IS JUST LIKE, OH, SORRY, YEAH. SO WE JUST -- SOMETIMES WE JUST 534 00:33:13,491 --> 00:33:17,228 LOOK AT THE WORLD AND WE ARE LIKE, WELL, THANK YOU, THAT'S A 535 00:33:17,295 --> 00:33:20,331 THREE-BY-FIVE CARD, HERE IS A KAREN THAT DID THIS, LET'S PUT 536 00:33:20,398 --> 00:33:21,666 THIS ON THE WALL, THIS ON THE WALL. 537 00:33:21,733 --> 00:33:23,768 >> Stephen: ONE OF THE MOST EXCITING THINGS ABOUT THE SEASON 538 00:33:23,835 --> 00:33:27,605 THIS YEAR IS ONE OF THE CHARACTERS, ONE OF THE STARS IS 539 00:33:27,672 --> 00:33:35,246 TED NUGENT, BUT HE IS PLAYED BY WEIRD AL IS PLAYING TED, WHICH 540 00:33:35,313 --> 00:33:37,248 WE HAVE A SHOT HERE. >> THERE WE GO. 541 00:33:37,315 --> 00:33:41,119 >> Stephen: THERE IS WEIRD AL, RIGHT, THERE IS WEIRD AL RIGHT 542 00:33:41,185 --> 00:33:44,722 THERE ROCKING IT, ROCKING IT. YEAH. 543 00:33:44,789 --> 00:33:46,157 [APPLAUSE] >> Stephen: MOTOR CITY MADMAN. 544 00:33:46,224 --> 00:33:51,863 >> WE LOVE LIKE TAKING KIND OF LIKE A SCARY GUY LIKE FAMOUS BOW 545 00:33:51,929 --> 00:33:54,766 HUNTER THE NEW TED NUGENT AND CASTING HIM WITH REALLY ONE OF 546 00:33:54,832 --> 00:33:57,902 THE KINDEST SWEETEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD. 547 00:33:57,969 --> 00:34:01,305 >> Stephen: WHICH WEIRD AL. AND YOU GUYS ARE BUDDY, RIGHT? 548 00:34:01,372 --> 00:34:06,878 >> AL AND I HAVE BEEN FRIENDS FOR ABOUT 15 YEARS. 549 00:34:06,944 --> 00:34:10,515 HOW DOES THE ONE GET TO BE WEIRD AL'S FRIEND? 550 00:34:10,581 --> 00:34:14,318 >> I WROTE IT ON MY VISION BOARD AT 11. 551 00:34:14,385 --> 00:34:18,923 AND I PROBABLY DID, SO ONE DAY I WAS AT THE OFFICE SUPPLY STORE. 552 00:34:18,990 --> 00:34:21,092 >> Stephen: AS YOU DO. >> AS YOU DO. 553 00:34:21,159 --> 00:34:23,928 GETTING PRINTER TONER. THIS IS NOT LIKE A COOL STORY 554 00:34:23,995 --> 00:34:28,266 THAT HAPPENS AT THE VIPER ROOM, THIS IS ME MEETING WEIRD AL THIS 555 00:34:28,332 --> 00:34:32,203 HAS TO BE NERDY STUFF SO BUYING PRINTER TONER AND I LOOK OVER 556 00:34:32,270 --> 00:34:36,240 AND SEE THIS CURLY MANE OF HAIR, TWO PEOPLE IN THE WORLD THAT 557 00:34:36,307 --> 00:34:43,948 COULD BE, KENNY G OR WEIRD AL YANKOVIC. 558 00:34:44,015 --> 00:34:48,286 AND YOU DIDN'T SEE A SO PRACTICE NO SAX. 559 00:34:48,352 --> 00:34:49,387 >> NO. HE WASN'T DOING THIS. 560 00:34:49,454 --> 00:34:53,257 SO I SAID, EXCUSE ME, ARE YOU WEIRD AL YANG WITS? 561 00:34:53,324 --> 00:34:58,129 >> HE SAID YES, I AM, ARE YOU LIEUTENANT DANGLE? 562 00:34:58,196 --> 00:35:02,266 AND I SAID, YES, I AM, AND THEN I SAID, JUST AS A JOKE I SAID 563 00:35:02,333 --> 00:35:06,037 SHOULD WE JUST DECIDE TO BE BEST FRIENDS? 564 00:35:06,103 --> 00:35:10,274 AND WE SHOOK ON IT AND IT WAS JUST A DUMB THING TO SAY, AND 565 00:35:10,341 --> 00:35:14,312 THEN HE HAS BEEN MY BEST FRIEND ALMOST -- 566 00:35:14,378 --> 00:35:15,613 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> ALMOST EVER SINCE. 567 00:35:15,680 --> 00:35:17,582 >> Stephen: GOT RIGHT TO THE MEAT OF IT. 568 00:35:17,648 --> 00:35:21,652 THOMAS LENNON, IT WAS LOVELY TO SEE YOU. 569 00:35:21,719 --> 00:35:26,424 RENO 911 DEFUNNED PREMIERS ON THE ROKU CHANNEL TOMORROW, RONAN 570 00:35:26,491 --> 00:35:29,160 BOYLE, HIS BOOK, RONAN BOYLE INTO THE STRANGEPLACE IS 571 00:35:29,227 --> 00:35:32,363 AVAILABLE NOW. HE WROTE IT, HE IS THOMAS 572 00:35:32,430 --> 00:35:34,665 LENNON. WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A 573 00:35:34,732 --> 00:35:38,669 PERFORMANCE BY TEARS FOR FEARS. THAT'S RIGHT. 574 00:35:59,490 --> 00:36:01,259 TO NOW PERFORMING "BREAK THE MAN" FROM THEIR 575 00:36:01,325 --> 00:36:16,207 NEW ALBUM, "THE TIPPING POINT," PLEASE WELCOME TEARS FOR FEARS! 576 00:36:16,274 --> 00:36:19,577 NEW ALBUM, "THE TIPPING POINT," PLEASE WELCOME TEARS FOR FEARS! 577 00:36:19,644 --> 00:36:20,678 S THIS WAS NEVER WHAT I THOUGHT IT WAS 578 00:36:20,745 --> 00:36:25,416 S THIS IS NOT WHO WE ARE 579 00:36:25,483 --> 00:36:26,817 S THIS IS WHERE SOMEONE WAS MEANT TO SAY 580 00:36:26,884 --> 00:36:37,962 S ENOUGH IS ENOUGH 581 00:36:38,029 --> 00:36:41,165 S THIS IS NOTHING LIKE THEY ♪ THIS IS NOTHING LIKE THEY 582 00:36:41,232 --> 00:36:44,302 SAID IT WOULD BE ♪ THIS HAS ALL GONE 583 00:36:44,368 --> 00:36:49,240 TOO FAR ♪ WHEN EVERYTHING IS RUNNING OUT 584 00:36:49,307 --> 00:36:56,280 THIS IS LOVE ♪ SHE'S THE FIRE AND THE FALLOUT 585 00:36:56,347 --> 00:37:00,685 SHE REMINDS YOU OF THE ♪ THINGS WE NEVER TALK ABOUT 586 00:37:00,751 --> 00:37:05,256 SHE'S THE LOVER WITH THE ♪ BEST-LAID PLAN 587 00:37:05,323 --> 00:37:12,763 TO BREAK THE MAN ♪ SHE'S A SINNER IN A SIDESHOW 588 00:37:12,830 --> 00:37:17,268 SHE FEELS AT HOME WHEN ♪ THERE'S NOWHERE LEFT TO GO 589 00:37:17,335 --> 00:37:26,277 SHE'S THE DEVIL YOU UNDERSTAND BREAK THE MAN 590 00:37:26,344 --> 00:37:32,283 ♪ NO MORE TEARING THE BANDAGES OFF 591 00:37:32,350 --> 00:37:37,221 ♪ NO MORE LIVING A LIE NO MORE CHEWING THE SCENERY 592 00:37:37,288 --> 00:37:41,492 ♪ NO MORE RAIN NO MORE RAIN 593 00:37:41,559 --> 00:37:49,266 ♪ NO MORE WONDERING, "WHAT HAPPENS NOW?" 594 00:37:49,333 --> 00:37:51,068 ♪ NO MORE HOLDING YOUR FEET TO THE FIRE 595 00:37:51,135 --> 00:37:56,273 ♪ WHEN EVERYTHING IS RUNNING DOWN, NO MORE PAIN 596 00:37:56,340 --> 00:38:01,245 ♪ SHE'S THE FIRE AND THE FALLOUT SHE REMINDS YOU OF THE 597 00:38:01,312 --> 00:38:05,249 ♪ THINGS WE NEVER TALK ABOUT SHE'S THE LOVER WITH THE 598 00:38:05,316 --> 00:38:12,423 ♪ BEST-LAID PLAN TO BREAK THE MAN 599 00:38:12,490 --> 00:38:16,727 ♪ SHE'S THE TROUBLE IN THE HEADLINE 600 00:38:16,794 --> 00:38:20,297 ♪ SHE'S THE MOTHER WHO TURNS BACK FATHER TIME 601 00:38:20,364 --> 00:38:33,244 ♪ SHE'S THE DEVIL YOU UNDERSTAND BREAK THE MAN 602 00:38:33,310 --> 00:38:47,391 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 603 00:38:47,458 --> 00:38:49,260 ♪ NO MORE WONDERING, "WHAT HAPPENS NOW?" 604 00:38:49,326 --> 00:38:55,199 ♪ NO MORE HOLDING YOUR FEET TO THE FIRE 605 00:38:55,266 --> 00:39:01,272 ♪ WHEN EVERYTHING IS RUNNING DOWN, THIS IS LOVE 606 00:39:01,338 --> 00:39:05,276 ♪ SHE'S THE FIRE AND THE FALLOUT SHE REMINDS YOU OF THE 607 00:39:05,342 --> 00:39:09,246 ♪ THINGS WE NEVER TALK ABOUT SHE'S THE LOVER WITH THE 608 00:39:09,313 --> 00:39:16,353 ♪ BEST-LAID PLAN TO BREAK THE MAN 609 00:39:16,420 --> 00:39:20,291 ♪ SHE'S THE TROUBLE IN THE HEADLINE 610 00:39:20,357 --> 00:39:23,394 ♪ SHE'S THE MOTHER WHO TURNS BACK FATHER TIME 611 00:39:23,461 --> 00:39:37,274 ♪ SHE'S THE DEVIL YOU UNDERSTAND BREAK THE MAN ♪ 612 00:39:37,341 --> 00:39:52,223 ♪ ♪ ♪ 613 00:39:52,289 --> 00:39:56,293 ♪ ♪ ♪ 614 00:39:56,360 --> 00:40:01,265 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) PERFORMANCE FROM THEM AT 615 00:40:01,332 --> 00:40:05,269 ColbertLateShow.com. TEARS FOR FEARS, EVERYBODY! 616 00:40:05,336 --> 00:40:08,305 THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW." TUNE IN TOMORROW, WHEN MY 617 00:40:08,372 --> 00:40:09,774 GUESTS WILL BE SAM WATERSTON AND SOPHIA BUSH. 618 00:40:09,840 --> 00:40:12,076 JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT. GOOD NIGHT.