>> THE ASSAULT BEGAN WITH AN
ANGRY MESSAGE FROM PRESIDENT VLADIMIR PUTIN, BROADCAST IN THE
MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. ( SPEAKING RUSSIAN )
DEVELOP, AND EXIST, WITH THE CONSTANT THREAT EMANATING FROM
THE TERRITORY OF MODERN UKRAINE."
AS PUTIN SPOKE, SEEMINGLY ON CUE, RUSSIAN BOMBS STARTED
FALLING.
( SCREAMS ) WE HAVE INVADED YOUR CITY,
BECAUSE ALL OF YOU ARE BAD GUYS. AND I'M THE GOOD GUY.
I'M HERE TO SAVE THE DAY. ( VOCAL TRUMPET FANFARE )
( THEME SONG PLAYS ) SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT!"
TONIGHT: TOTAL DICTATOR MOVE! PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES:
JULIA IOFFE. THOMAS LENNON.
AND MUSICAL GUEST, TEARS FOR FEARS.
FEATURING JON BATISTE AND "STAY HUMAN."
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK
CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> OH! >> ♪
♪ >> HEY, EVERYBODY!
♪ THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. THANK YOU VERY MUCH, THANK YOU
VERY MUCH. THANK YOU, FRIENDS.
THANK YOU. WHOO, WHAT A DAY.
MY GOODNESS, THANKS, EVERYBODY. PLEASE HAVE A SEAT.
FOLKS, WELCOME IN HERE, OUT THERE, ALL OF OUR VIEWERS AROUND
THE WORLD, WELCOME TO LATE SHOW, I AM YOUR HOST, THE STEPHEN
COLBERT. THERE IS NO DENYING IT, IT IS A
DARK DAY. OVER THE LAST FIVE YEARS WE HAVE
SEEN DEMOCRACY REPEATEDLY UNDERMINED, TRAGIC,
UNPRECEDENTED FIRESTORMS, A GLOBAL PANDEMIC, WELL IN
MORNING, VLADIMIR PUTIN OF LOOKED AT ALL OF
THAT AND SAID, "HOLD MY VODKA." BECAUSE TODAY, RUSSIA OFFICIALLY
ATTACKED UKRAINE. LISTEN, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN, BUT ONE THING'S FOR SURE: PUTIN
SHOULD FIRE THOSE PEACEKEEPERS. YOU HAD ONE JOB!
THIS IS THE BIGGEST GROUND WAR IN EUROPE SINCE WORLD WAR II,
AND THE WHOLE WORLD IS IN HOCK. IT'S WHY TODAY'S WORDLE WAS
AAAAH! IT WAS FAIRLY EASY, ACTUALLY.
UKRAINIAN CITIES ARE IN CHAOS THE HIGHWAYS ARE JAMMED WITH
PEOPLE TRYING TO LEAVE, AND THE PEOPLE WHO COULDN'T GET OUT ARE
USING SUBWAY STATIONS AS BOMB SHELTERS.
WHILE YOU'RE DOWN THERE FIND THAT PANTS-LESS GUY ON THE
TRAIN WHO'S ALWAYS YELLING "THE END IS NEAR," BECAUSE I THINK WE
OWE HIM AN APOLOGY. PUTIN ANNOUNCED THE WAR
ON 10:00 P.M. OUR TIME LAST NIGHT AND HAD A PRETTY LAME
EXCUSE TO JUSTIFY IT. >> I HAVE TAKEN THE DECISION TO
CONDUCT A SPECIAL MILITARY OPERATION IT PURPOSE IS TO
PROTECT PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN SUBJECT TO ABUSE AND GENERAL
SIDE BY THE REGIME FOR EIGHT YEARS AND THROUGH THIS WE WILL
STRIFE TO DEMILITARIZE AND DEHAS GUYS UKRAINE.
>> DE-NAZIFY? THAT'S HARD TO DO WHEN YOU ARE
ACTING LIKE DE NAZIS, NOW THIS IS OBVIOUSLY A RIDICULOUS CLAIM,
FIRST OF ALL, ZELENSKY IS NOT A NAZI, HE'S FROM A URINE
BACKGROUND AND HE IS BARELY EVEN A POLITICIAN.
HE IS A FORMER TV COMEDIAN. THERE IS LIKE IF THE U.S.
INVADED CANADA TO CAPTURE WAR CRIMINAL EUGENE LEVY.
WHAT I AM TRYING TO SAY IS THE WORLD IS UP SHITS CREEK.
THE INVASION -- >> PUTIN ISSUED A THREAT TO
ANYONE WHO TRIED TO OPPOSE HIM. >> WHOEVER TRIES TO INTERFERE
WITH US AND EVEN MORE TO CREATE THREATS FOR OUR COUNTRY, OUR
PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW RUSSIA'S RESPONSE WILL BE IMMEDIATE, AND
WILL LEAD TO SUCH CONSEQUENCES YOU HAVE NEVER EXPERIENCED IN
YOUR HISTORY. >> SOMETHING WE HAVE NEVER
EXPERIENCED? >> HE IS GOING TO MAKE A GOOD
MICHAEL BAY MOVIE? THE EAGLE EYED VIEWERS MAY HAVE
NOTICED PUTIN SEEMED TO BE WEARING THE EXACT SAME OUTFIT HE
WORE ON MONDAY. DID HE PRETAPE HIS INVASION
SPEECH? THAT IS TO DISHONEST.
ONLY A MONSTER WOULD PRETAPE A TELEVISION APPEARANCE AND TRY TO
PASS IT OFF AS LIVE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] FOLKS,
VLAD, JUST SWITCH OUT THE TIE RIGHT UP UNTIL THE END, UKRAINE
AND ITS ALLIES WERE PURSUING DIPLOMATIC SOLUTIONS.
IN FACT, UKRAINE'S AMBASSADOR TO THE U.N. CONVENED A SPECIAL
SESSION OF THE SECURITY COUNCIL LAST NIGHT.
JUST ONE PROBLEM: RUSSIA INVADED UKRAINE AS THEY SPOKE.
THAT'S WHAT THEY WERE THERE TO STOP!
THAT'S LIKE HAVING AN INTERVENTION, AND SOMEBODY
INTERRUPTS WITH, "BRIAN, WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH, AND WE WANT
YOU TO GET HELP, RIGHT AFTER HAPPY HOUR!
COME ON, PUSSY, LET'S DO SOME SHOTS!
YOU'RE WAY MORE FUN WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK."
BUDDY, COME ON. THE LET'S GET CRUMPED.
>> PEACE, OF COURSE, NEVER HAD MUCH OF A
CHANCE, BECAUSE THIS MONTH, THE PRESIDENT OF THE SECURITY
COUNCIL JUST HAPPENS TO BE RUSSIA.
SO, THE ONE IN CHARGE OF STOPPING RUSSIA, IS RUSSIA.
REMINDS ME OF WHEN THE AMERICAN CANCER SOCIETY APPOINTED THEIR
NEW PRESIDENT: DR. JOSEPH T. CAMEL.
THE UKRAINIAN AMBASSADOR PATIENTLY WAITED FOR HIS TURN TO
SPEAK, BUT ULTIMATELY, HE HAD TO THROW OUT HIS REMARKS, BECAUSE
THE INVASION HAD STARTED. AS HE SAID, "MOST OF IT IS
ALREADY USELESS." I KNOW THE FEELING.
TONIGHT, I HAD SO MANY JOKES PREPARED FOR NATIONAL CHILI DAY
WHICH ARE NOW TOTALLY USELESS. BECAUSE OF THE INVASION.
I'D LIKE TO SAY I'M OVER IT, BUT HONESTLY, IT'S BEAN TOUGH.
[APPLAUSE] IT'S A DARK DAY.
LEADERS FROM ACROSS THE GLOBE CONDEMNED PUTIN'S ILLEGAL
INVASION, INCLUDING JOE BIDEN, WHO SMACKED PUTIN WITH A WHOLE
BUNCH OF NEW SANCTIONS TODAY, INCLUDING ONE THAT WILL CUT
RUSSIA OFF FROM SEMICONDUCTORS CRUCIAL TO THE MILITARY,
BIOTECHNOLOGY, AND AEROSPACE INDUSTRIES.
SO, RUSSIANS COMING BACK FROM THE INTERNATIONAL SPACE STATION?
YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO CALL AN UBER.
BIDEN ALSO ANNOUNCED SANCTIONS ON CORRUPT BILLIONAIRES AND
THEIR FAMILIES WHO ARE CLOSE TO THE KREMLIN.
OF COURSE, THAT'S EMOTIONALLY AND FINANCIALLY CLOSE TO THE
KREMLIN-- THEY CAN STILL LIVE AT MAR-A-LAGO.
THE PRESIDENT -- WHAT? WHAT?
THE PRESIDENT MADE IT CLEAR THAT THESE SANCTIONS ARE A MATTER OF
PRINCIPLE. >> THIS AGGRESSION CANNOT GO ON
UNANSWERED. IF IT DID, THE CONSEQUENCES FOR
AMERICA WOULD BE MUCH WORSE. AMERICA STANDS UP TO BULLIES.
WE STAND UP FOR FREEDOM. >> Stephen: AMERICA STANDS UP TO
BULLIES! WE STAND UP FOR FREEDOM!
THEN WE LIE DOWN FOR LIBERTY, BECAUSE WE ATE THAT BURGER WITH
DONUT BUNS FOR LUNCH. IT'S NOT JUST WORLD LEADERS.
MANY RUSSIANS FEEL A DEEP UNEASE OVER GOING TO WAR.
IN FACT, TODAY, AVERAGE CITIZENS BRAVELY TOOK TO THE STREETS
INCLUDING THIS ANTI-WAR PROTEST IN ST. PETERSBURG.
ALL THIS DESPITE RUSSIA'S INTERIOR MINISTRY TELLING TV
VIEWERS TO "REFRAIN FROM UNSANCTIONED PROTESTS" OR
THEY'LL BE "ARRESTED." NOT BECAUSE OF THE WAR, BUT
BECAUSE OF "CORONAVIRUS RESTRICTIONS ON PUBLIC EVENTS."
"CITIZEN, YOU WILL RECEIVE LARGE BLACK MASK THAT ALSO
COVERS REST OF HEAD. NOW EVERYONE INTO THE WINDOWLESS
TESTING VAN CABLE NEWS IS COVERING THIS
AROUND THE CLOCK, WHICH MADE FOR SOME ODD MOMENTS WHEN THEY
CUT AWAY FROM THE WAR FOR COMMERCIALS.
>> WE'LL GO INSIDE AND IN THE CAPITAL OF KYIV, AS AIR RAID
SIRENS ARE RINGING OUT THIS MORNING.
MUCH MORE REACTION AND INSIGHT FROM CNN CHIEF INTERNATIONAL
ANCHOR CHRISTIANE AMANPOUR, UP NEXT.
( AIR RAID SIRENS ) ;(FADE TO COMMERCIAL)
>> ♪ AND A LITTLE BIT OF
CHICKEN FRIED. ♪ ♪ COLD BEER ON A FRIDAY NIGHT! ♪
>> Stephen: MEANWHILE, UKRAINE IS SINGING,
( CHILI'S RIBS COMMERCIAL ) "I WANT MY COUNTRY BACK, COUNTRY
BACK, COUNTRY BACK." ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
IMPORTANT TO KEEP OUR EYES ON THE UNHINGED FASCIST LUNATIC.
I'M TALKING ABOUT FORMER PRESIDENT STONEWALL JACKASS.
( LAUGHTER ) PUTIN MESSAGE, FOREVER, AND HE
WAS STILL AT IT LAST NIGHT IN A SPEECH AT MAR-A-GULAGO:
>> TRUMP SAID, "PUTIN'S SMART." I MEAN, HE'S TAKING OVER A
COUNTRY FOR $2 WORTH OF SANCTIONS.
I'D SAY THAT'S PRETTY SMART. HE'S TAKING OVER A COUNTRY,
REALLY A VAST, VAST LOCATION, A GREAT PIECE OF LAND WITH A
LOT OF PEOPLE, AND JUST WALKING RIGHT IN.
>> Stephen: EVERYTHING IS A REAL ESTATE DEAL WITH THIS GUY!
IT'S THE BIGGEST ATTACK ON A EUROPEAN COUNTRY SINCE WORLD WAR
II. WHEN HITLER INVADED POLAND,
F.D.R. DIDN'T SAY, "WELL, IT WOULD MAKE A GOOD GOLF COURSE."
THEN, AS THE INVASION BEGAN, THE EX-PREZ TOOK TO RUSSIAN STATE
MEDIA-- SORRY, I MISPRONOUNCED THAT: FOX NEWS.
AND HE HAD A LOT OF OPINIONS, ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
JUST NOT A LOT OF INFORMATION: >> WE ARE JUST LEARNING THAT
U.S. OFFICIALS ARE LOOKING AT A POTENTIAL AMPHIBIOUS LANDING NOW
IN ODESSA, UKRAINE. >> IT IS ALSO VERY DANGEROUS
THAT YOU TOLD ME ABOUT THE AMPHIBIOUS ATTACKS BY AMERICANS.
YOU SHOULD NOT BE SAYING THAT, BECAUSE YOU AND EVERYBODY ELSE
SHOULDN'T KNOW THAT. THEY SHOULD DO THAT SECRETLY,
AND NOT BE DOING THAT THROUGH THE GREAT LAURA INGRAHAM.
THEY SHOULD BE DOING THAT SECRETLY.
NOBODY SHOULD KNOW THAT, LAURA. >> THAT WAS A RUSSIAN--
NO, THAT WAS A RUSSIAN AMPHIBIOUS LANDING.
>> OH, I THOUGHT YOU SAID WE WERE SENDING PEOPLE IN.
>> Stephen: SOMETIMES, HE HAS TROUBLE TELLING THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN AMERICA AND RUSSIA. HE KNOWS HE WORKED FOR ONE OF
THEM... WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT! MY GUESTS ARE JOURNALIST AND
RUSSIAN ANALYST JULIA IOFFE, AND THOMAS LENNON.
STICK AROUND.
♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY.
WELCOME BACK, FRIENDS. YEAH!
YEE, YEE! HEY, HELLO.
, HELLO. >> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME
BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW" MY FIRST GUEST HAS BEEN
REPORTING ON RUSSIA FOR OVER 15 YEARS.
SHE IS A FOUNDING PARTNER AND THE WASHINGTON CORRESPONDENT
FOR PUCK NEWS. PLEASE WELCOME TO "THE LATE
SHOW," JULIA IOFFE! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> Stephen: HELLO, JULIA. ♪
>> HI. >> Stephen: HELLO.
>> HI. >> Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU
AGAIN. >> NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN TOO.
>> Stephen: THE FIRST TIME YOU AND I ARE TALKING AT THE NEW
DIGS, WAS THE FIRST TIME IN 2014.
>> YES. IT WAS RIGHT AFTER RUSSIAN
SEPARATE TESTS WITH HELP FROM THE FFB SHOT DOWN A MALAYSIAN
AIRLINER WITH OVER 300 TOURISTS OVER UKRAINE.
>> Stephen: I KNEW IT WAS A HAPPY DAY.
>> WE NEED TO QUIT MOO MEETING LIKE THIS.
>> Stephen: THE LAST TIME WE GOT TOGETHER WAS ANOTHER TRAGIC
DAY WITH SOME RUSSIAN AGGRESSION WITH A LOT OF PEOPLE DYING AS A
RESULT OF VLADIMIR PUTIN'S AMBITIONS.
>> UH-HUH. >> Stephen: BACK THEN I THINK
THE JOKE I MADE WAS I AM GOING TO TALK TO HER ABOUT THE
CONFLICT BETWEEN RUSSIA AND UKRAINE, WE ARE GOING TO HAVE TO
TALK QUICKLY WHILE THERE ARE STILL TWO SEPARATE COUNTRIES.
WHAT IS HAPPENING NOW? RUSSIA LAUNCHED A FULL-SCALE
ATTACK ON UKRAINE, SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED IN THE LAST 24 HOURS.
WHERE DO THINGS STAND RIGHT NOW? >> SO THE DAY HAS DRAWN TO A
CLOSE, THE FIRST 24 HOURS OF THE WAR.
RUSSIA HAS BOMBED PRETTY MUCH EVERY MAJOR CITY IN UKRAINE.
THERE WAS AN AM FIGURES YOU, AMPHIBIOUS ASSAULT ON ODESSA,
RUSSIA HAS TAKEN OUT A LOT OF AIR DECEMBER 6 DEFENSES AND
TAKEN OVER CHERNOBYL, WEIRDLY. THE BOMBING IS NORTH TO SOUTH,
EAST TO WEST, BOMBING THE FAR WEST, THEY ARE BOMBING RIGHT
OVER THE BORDER FROM RUSSIA, IT IS EVERYWHERE.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE REPORTED ON RUSSIA FOR 15 YEARS.
IS THERE ANY ASPECT OF THIS THAT IS SURPRISING TO YOU?
>> I THINK, YOU KNOW, ON ONE HAND I ALWAYS KNOW THAT TO GET
RUSSIA RIGHT YOU HAVE TO GO WITH THE WORST CASE SCENARIO.
IMAGINE LIKE IF EVERYTHING GOES WRONG AND IF THE WORST CAN COMES
TO PAST THAT IS USUALLY WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN.
THAT'S HOW YOU PREDICT WHAT HAPPENS WITH RUSSIA.
>> Stephen: IS THAT BECAUSE RUSSIANS ARE FATALISTIC OR HAVE
TO BE FATALISTIC WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT RUSSIANS?
>> BOTH. BUT ALSO PUTIN IS IN CHARGE AND
HE DOES CRAZY THINGS AND HE IS A BIG RISK TAKER.
>> Stephen: THERE IS A LOT OF TALK ABOUT WHETHER HE IS A
RATIONAL ACTOR. IS HE?
>> I THINK IT DEPENDS HOW YOU DEFINE RATIONAL.
>> Stephen: RATIONAL SELF INTEREST, HOW ABOUT THAT?
>> YEAH. I THINK IN HIS OWN CLOSED SYSTEM
HE IS LOGICALLY AND RATIONALLY CONSISTENT AND HAS BEEN OVER THE
LAST 20 YEARS. SO THERE IS A REASON I THINK HE
MADE THAT JOKE IN 2014 THAT BETTER TALK FAST BEFORE THEY ARE
ONE COUNTRY, RIGHT? THERE WAS ALREADY SOMETHING YOU
WERE SENSING OR THAT YOU HEARD ABOUT, YOU KNOW, HOW HE TALKS
ABOUT UKRAINE THAT MADE YOU REALIZE THAT THIS IS SOMETHING
HE MIGHT DO. HE HAS BEEN CONSISTENT ABOUT,
AND NOW HERE WE ARE EIGHT YEARS LATER AND TRYING TO MAKE THEM
BASICALLY ONE COUNTRY. >> Stephen: MAYBE YOU EXPLAIN
THIS TO ME. PUTIN SAYS HE WANTS TO DE-NAZIFY
UKRAINE. WHAT DOES HE MEAN THERE?
IS HE SPEAKING IN A VOLUNTARY CAB LAYER FOR DOMESTIC
CONSUMPTION WE DON'T UNDERSTAND, BUT 8 MILLION UKRAINIANS DIED IN
WORLD WAR II, WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO THE HOME AUDIENCE WE WHEN HE
SAYS THAT? >> WELL, IN 2014 WHEN THE
REVOLUTION OF DIGNITY CAME TO MIDON AND TRIUMPHED THIS TIME IN
2014, OR THIS MONTH, 2014, THERE WAS A VERY ACTIVE RIGHT WING
NATIONALIST SOMETIMES NEO-NAZI CONTINGENT BUT IT WAS A MINORITY
UNDER NIDON AND RUSSIAN PROPAGANDA TOOK THAT AND OFTEN
TAKE A LITTLE BIT OF TRUTH AND SPIN IT INTO THIS, YOU KNOW,
COTTON CANDY OF LIES AND EIGHT YEARS LATER WHAT RUSSIAN STATE
TV TELLS PEOPLE AND I THINK PEOPLE AROUND PUTIN WATCH IT,
DRINK THEIR OWN KOOL-AID A, AND THEY NOW HAVE COME TO BELIEVE
THAT IT IS ALL NEONAZIS. I THINK THERE ARE A LOT OF
RUSSIANS ESPECIALLY THOSE WHO WATCH STATE TV WHO THINK IT IS A
COUNTRY RUN BY NAZIS, EVEN THOUGH IT HAS A JEWISH PRESIDENT
WHO, MANY OF WHOSE RELATIVES WERE KILLED IN THE HOLOCAUST BY
NAZIS. >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A
QUICK BREAK BUT DON'T GO ANYWHERE.
WE WILL BE BACK WITH MORE JULIA IOFFE, EVERYBODY.
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY. WE ARE BACK HERE WITH JULIA
IOFFE TALKING ABOUT THE RUSSIAN INVASION OF UKRAINE.
PEOPLE HAVE TROUBLE UNDERSTANDING WHAT PUTIN IS
GOING TO DO NEXT. HE IS, AS YOU CAN SAY, EXPECT
THE WORSE BUT NOT EXACTLY SURE WHAT THAT WORST NEXT THING WILL
BE. YOU HAVE SAID HE LIKES TO MAKE
THE WEATHER. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
>> IT IS A RUSSIAN EXPRESSION, AND IT MEANS TO BASICALLY SET
THE AGENDA, TO BE THE ONE THAT EVERYBODY IS RESPONDING TO, AND
THAT'S WHAT WAS HAPPENING ALL OF THIS WEEK, ALL WEEK, EVERYBODY
IN THE U.S. AND EUROPE AND UKRAINE WAS JUST WAITING ON ONE
MAN TO MAKE A DECISION, AND HE REALLY LIKES THAT.
IT IS SOMETHING HE REALLY DIDN'T LIKE ABOUT TRUMP, ACTUALLY, THAT
TRUMP WAS SUDDENLY THE MORE UNPREDICTABLE GUY AND HE KIND OF
TOOK AWAY HIS ONE TRICK. NOW IT IS HIS AGAIN.
>> Stephen: HE DEFINITELY HAS SET THE WEATHER IN THE LAST
COUPLE OF WEEKS. BIDEN IS PUTTING TOGETHER A
BUNCH OF WEATHER MEN RIGHT NOW, ESSENTIALLY.
HE HAS GOTTEN TOGETHER. >> THE UNDERGROUND.
>> Stephen: STORM TEAM 5 OR WHATEVER.
JIM CANTORI OR WHATEVER IS TRACKING WHAT PUTIN IS GOING TO
DO. WHAT ABOUT THE SACKS A,
SANCTIONS ANNOUNCED TO BE PUT IN PLACE.
THISSER FAIRLY SIGNIFICANT, THEY HAVEN'T GONE AS FAR AS
COMPLETELY KICKING HMM HIM OUT OF THE INTERNATIONAL BANKING
SYSTEM. DO YOU THINK IT WILL HAVE ANY
EFFECT IF NOT IN THE SHORT TERM BUT IN THE LONG-TERM, IT WILL
TAKE A WHILE FOR THINGS TO SET? IN?
>> I THINK DEFINITELY IT WILL TAKE A WHILE TO SET IN AND DO
TREMENDOUS DAMAGE TO THE RUSSIAN ECONOMY, BUT THAT WON'T STOP
PUTIN. HE IS NOT THE ONE WHO IS GOING
TO BE SUFFERING. THE PEOPLE AROUND HIM IN HIS
CLOSEST CIRCLE ARE NOT GOING TO BE THE PEOPLE SUFFERING.
IT IS GOING TO BE THE PENSIONERS WHO HAVE BEEN SUFFERING SINCE
2014. >> Stephen: SO HE DOESN'T NEED
AN ECONOMY, HE DOESN'T NEED AN INDUSTRY,?
HE IS NOT AFRAID OF HIS OWN PEOPLE IN ANY WAY?
>> I THINK IT IS NOT A COINCIDENCE THIS HAS HAPPENED
AFTER A FULL YEAR OF HIM ERADICATING THE OPPOSITION IN
EVERY SENSE, AND NOW A YEAR LATER THIS IS, IT STARTED WITH
-- COMING BACK FROM GERMANY AFTER HE RECOVERED FROM BEING
POISONED BY THE FFB, FOR HAPPY NEWS.
>> Stephen: SURE. >> HE, PUTIN BASICALLY DECIDED
WE ARE DONE, I LET YOU GUYS PLAY AT OPPOSITION POLITICS, AT
HAVING A FREE PRESS AND HAVING ACTIVISM AND A CIVIL SOCIETY.
WE ARE DONE. AND HE DISBANDED A LOT OF NGOS,
DROVE A LOT OF ACTIVISTS AND JOURNALIST OUT OF THE COUNTRY.
PEOPLE ARE, YOU KNOW, PEOPLE ARE IN JAIL FOR POSTING THESE VIDEOS
FOR LIKING SOMETHING ON FACEBOOK.
ONE OF HIS LIEUTENANT'S, A YOUNG MAN WAS, ESCAPED RUSSIA BECAUSE
HE HAD A CRIMINAL CASE BREWING AGAINST HIM, SO WHAT HE DID IS
THEY ARRESTED HIS 69-YEAR-OLD FATHER AND SENTENCED HIM TO
THREE YEARS IN A PENAL COLONY. SO WHEN YOU SEE THESE VIDEOS OF
THESE PROTESTS TODAY AND PEOPLE, 900 PEOPLE GETTING ARRESTED IT
IS A MUCH SMALLER PROTEST THAN WE HAVE SEEN IN THE LAST TEN
YEARS. BUT IT IS STILL AMAZING THAT
THAT MANY PEOPLE CAME OUT IN THIS KIND OF CLIMATE WHERE IT
HAS BECOME SO MUCH MORE DANGEROUS AND TERRIFYING TO GO
AGAINST VLADIMIR PUTIN PUBLICLY. >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A
LITTLE BREAK BUT WHEN WE COME BACK I WILL ASK JULIA IF THERE
IS ANYTHING HOPEFUL SHE SEES IN ANY OF THIS.
STICK AROUND. [APPLAUSE]
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WE ARE BACK WITH JULIA IOFFE.
JULIA, DO YOU HAVE A REACTION TO PEOPLE OFTEN ON THE RIGHT IN THE
UNITED STATES AND MANY PEOPLE ON THE RIGHT WING MEDIA WHO SAY WE
HAVE GOT NO SKIN IN THIS GAME? LIKE WHY ARE WE AGAINST PUTIN?
WHY WOULD YOU DISLIKE PUTIN? WHY WOULD YOU POSSIBLY PULL FOR
UKRAINE? THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE BETWEEN
THE TWO OF THEM, WE SHOULD HAVE NO INVOLVEMENT IN THIS.
THAT IS JUST EASTERN EUROPEAN'S FIGHTING EASTERN EUROPEANS, NO
CONCERN OF OURS. >> I THINK THERE ARE TWO
DIFFERENT STRAIGHTENS, THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO SAY THAT AND TO THEM
I WOULD SAY THAT PEOPLE LIKE PUTIN, PEOPLE LIKE KIM JONG-UN,
THEY RARELY STAY WITHIN THEIR BORDERS.
THEY ALWAYS WANT TO EAT MORE. OR THEY ARE LIKE A SHARK, YOU
EITHER SWIM OR YOU SINK, AND, YOU KNOW, NOW IT IS UKRAINE, HE
MIGHT TRY TO DRAG IN THE BALANCE TICKS WHICH MEANS WE WOULD HAVE
TO GET INTO A WAR WITH RUSSIA BECAUSE WE ARE BOUND BY
OBLIGATION TO DEPEND POLAND. >> Stephen: THAT'S THE WORST
CASE SCENARIO IS ATTACKING A NATO COUNTRY.
>> IT IS HALF OF THE WORST CASE SCENARIO 0.
>> Stephen: THAT'S ONLY HALF A WORST CASE?
>> YES, I AM SORRY. >> Stephen: WHAT IS THE OTHER
HALF. THE OTHER HALF OF THE WORST CASE
AND THIS IS REALLY FUNNY, "FUNNY" BECAUSE I WAS TALKING TO
A PERSON I KNOW IN WASHINGTON WHO IS KIND OF A NEOCON
PERSUASION, WORKED IN THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION ON PUSHING FOR
IRAQ WAR, AND THIS PERSON SAID WELL LOOK, THE GOOD NEWS IS WE
ALSO THOUGHT IRAQ WAS GOING TO BE EASY.
>> Stephen: SO THEY COULD GET BOGGED DOWN.
>> RIGHT. >> Stephen: AND PROLONGED
OCCUPATION OF UKRAINE? >> YEAH.
THEY GET FOOLED BY A SHOCK AND AWE SITUATION WHERE THEY QUICKLY
DECAPITATE THE GOVERNMENT, INSTALL A PUPPET REGIME, I DON'T
KNOW, ZELENSKY AND TRY HIM FOR WAR CRIMES AND THEN SLOWLY AN
INSURGENCY STARTS BUILDING, IN FACT THE U.S. HAS BEEN HELPING
UKRAINIANS TRAIN FOR THESE KIND OF, FOR THIS KIND OF SCENARIO,
TEACHING THEM THE THINGS THAT THE U.S. LEARNED IN IRAQ WHEN IT
WAS FIGHTING INSURGENCY SO WE ARE TEACHING THEM KIND OF THE
SAUDI BRIGADE METHODS, AND THEN WE CAN GET DRAGGED IN WITH A
NATO COUNTRY, SO -- >> Stephen: SO THAT'S THE FULL
WORST CASE, SCENARIO? >> AND I AM SORRY.
>> Stephen: THAT IS ONLY TWO-THIRDS OF THE WORST CASE?
>> TWO-THIRDS. >> Stephen: WHAT IS LAST
THIRD? BECAUSE YOU ARE AT HEART FROM
RUSSIA AND BORN IN RUSSIA, THIS IS YOUR WORST CASE SCENARIO, SEE
THINGS AS BAD AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN, JULIA IOFFE, WE CAN TAKE
IT. >> IT IS VERY HARD FOR ME BUT I
WILL DO IT ANYWAY. SO I THINK THE OTHER PART OF IT
IS THAT WITH ALL OF THIS INSTABILITY, YOU ARE ALREADY
SEEING PEOPLE FLEEING ON FOOT FROM UKRAINE ACROSS THE BORDER
INTO HUNGARY, FOR EXAMPLE OR INTO POLAND AND AS WE SAW WITH
MASSIVE REFUGEES FROM SYRIA SIX YEARS AGO, FIVE YEARS AGO, WHICH
GAVE US BREXIT, WHICH GAVE US THE RISE OF NATIONALIST FAR
RIGHT PARTIES ALL OVER EUROPE, AND THAT WAS LIKE SIX YEARS AGO,
EUROPE HAS SUPER SATURATED WITH REFUGEES AND I DON'T KNOW IF
THEY CAN HANDLE ANOTHER MASSIVE FLOW OF REFUGEES COMING ACROSS
THEIR BORDERS, WHAT THAT WOULD MEAN FOR THEM POLITICALLY, WOULD
IT PUSH THEM EVEN FURTHER TO THE RIGHT?
>> Stephen: SO WHAT IS THE BEST-CASE SCENARIO, DO YOU HAVE
ONE OF THOSE? >> I DO, BUT I DON'T THINK YOU
WILL THINK IT IS A BEST-CASE SCENARIO.
>> Stephen: DO YOUR BEST, IT IS A LATE NIGHT TV SHOW.
>> DO YOU HAVE ANYMORE OF THAT BOURBON?
>> Stephen: I HAVE A WHOLE BAR BACK THERE, I HAVE VODKA TOO.
>> PERFECT. LET'S DO SHOTS.
[APPLAUSE] >> I THINK THE BEST-CASE
SCENARIO IS, THIS SOUNDS HORRIBLE THAT THEY ACCOMPLISH
WHAT THEY WANT TO IN UKRAINE, DECAPITATE THE GOVERNMENT,
INSTALL A PUPPET REGIME, WITHDRAW WITHOUT OCCUPYING IT
AND SCARY UH UKRAINIANS ENOUGH NOT TO HAVE ANOTHER REVOLUTION
TO BRING IN A NEW DEMOCRATIC GOVERNMENT FOR ANOTHER FEW YEARS
AND KEEP THINGS CALM THAT WAY. >> Stephen: THAT'S YOUR
BEST-CASE SCENARIO? YOU HAVE GOT NO --
>> OH, NO, I BEST, BEST-CASE SCENARIO UKRAINE WINS AND DRIVES
THEM BACK BUT -- THAT IS THE BEST-CASE SCENARIO.
>> Stephen: WHAT ABOUT THIS. WHAT ABOUT NO HOPE, HUH?
OKAY. NO HOPE.
I WAS HOPING FOR JUST A DOLLOP, A LITTLE REY OF SUNSHINE.
>> I HAVE BEEN THINKING HARD ABOUT THIS.
I GOT SOME HOMEWORK AND I THINK I CAME UP WITH SOMETHING.
>> Stephen: OKAY. WHAT IS IT?
>> I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS AND WATCHING MY FRIENDS
FREAK OUT IN MOSCOW ABOUT THEIR GOVERNMENT GETTING THEM INTO A
WAR THAT THEY DON'T AGREE WITH, AND THAT THEY FEEL, THEY ARE
STILL CULPABLE FOR, WATCHING UKRAINIANS FIGHT BACK THE WAY
THEY HAVE BEEN AND THESE ARE PEOPLE WHO DON'T HAVE AS MUCH
EXPERIENCE WITH DEMOCRACY AS WE DO, RUSSIANS ESPECIALLY RUSSIANS
OF MY GENERATION HAVE BARELY EVER EXPERIENCE EXPERIENCED IT,
REALLY HAVEN'T, THE UKRAINIANS HAD IT FOR A COUPLE OF DECADES
AND LOOK HOW HARD THEY ARE FIGHTING FOR IT.
AND I THINK WE TEND TO TAKE IT FOR GRANTED AND BE, AND WE ARE
COMPLACENT ABOUT IT THAT'S WHY WE WERE SURPRISED BY JANUARY 6TH
AND SURPRISED BY TRUMP, AND IF IT TEACHES US ANYTHING I THINK
IT IS THAT DEMOCRACY IS WORK, IT IS VIGILANCE, IT IS BEING
EDUCATED, IT IS BEING SAVVY CONSUMER OF MEDIA, IT IS VOTING,
IT IS PAYING ATTENTION. [APPLAUSE]
>> >> Stephen: AND A CAUTIONARY
TALE. >> LIKE WE ALREADY HAVE IT.
WE JUST HAVE TO MAKE IT BETTER. WE ALREADY HAVE IT.
WE HAVE HAD IT FOR HUNDREDS OF YEARS.
ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS KEEP IT AND MAKE IT BETTER.
THESE GUYS ARE STARTING FROM SCRATCH.
>> Stephen: AS JEFFERSON SAID, THE PRICE OF LIBERTY IS ETERNAL
VIGILANCE. >> YEAH.
>> Stephen: AND THIS IS A CAUTIONARY TALE FOR US.
>> YES. >> Stephen: WELL, JULIA, THANK
YOU FOR ALL OF THE CHEER. YOU CAN READ HER ARTICLES AT
PUCK.NEWS, JULIA IOFFE, EVERYBODY, WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK
WITH THOMAS LENNON. ♪
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY.
WELCOME BACK. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
MY NEXT GUEST IS AN ACTOR AND COMEDIAN YOU KNOW AS LIEUTENANT
DANGLE IN DANGLE IN "RENO 911."
HE'S BACK IN "RENO 911! DEFUNDED."
>> THAT'S RIGHT. MEET THE RENO SHERIFF'S
DEPARTMENT ELITE BICYCLE RIOT RESPONSE DIVISION.
EVER HEARD OF THE BLUE ANGELS? WELL, MEET THE BEIGE ANGELS.
>> HEY, ARE YOU AFRAID? >> ARE YOU AFRAID?
>> CALL THE ANGELS. ♪ BLEEP ♪
♪ BLEEP, BLEEP. >> WE HAVE TO PUT SOME TAPE
HERE. PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO THE LATE
SHOW THOMAS LENNON! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> UH-OH.
MAN IT IS ABOUT TO GET A LOT DUMBER.
>> IT IS ABOUT TO GET A LOT DUMBER.
>> Stephen: STARTING TO GET VERY SEXY.
ONLY THE, THAT IS FANTASTIC. >> THANKS, STEVE.
>> Stephen: THE TURTLENECK AND THE SCRUFER AND THE PEPPER, I AM
GETTING THE CLOONEY VIBE. >> WITH YOUR APPROVAL, MY NEW
YEAR'S RESOLUTION IS RIGHT TRY E DREAMIER.
>> Stephen: GOOD JOB. HUGH HAVE YOU BEEN?
THE LAST TIME WE TALKED WAS OVER ZOOM.
>> THAT'S RIGHT. >> Stephen: AND THAT WAS IN
APRIL OF 2020, RIGHT AT THE BEGINNING OF THE QUESTION HAD NO
IDEA HOW LONG THIS WAS GOING TO TO GO ON.
>> AND THANK GOODNESS WE WRAPPED IT UP SO NICELY, RIGHT.
>> Stephen: RIGHT. >> DIDN'T WE?
>> Stephen: WE DID, YEAH. >> I CAME ON THE SHOW AND WE
DID, WE DID A GREAT BIT WHERE I WAS PLAYING JOE EXOTIC.
>> Stephen: YES, HERE YOU ARE PLAYING JOE EXOTIC RIGHT THERE.
>> >> AND I HAVE TO TELL YOU, I
ABSOLUTELY LOVED YOUR JOE EXOTIC IMPRESSION.
>> THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
I WOULD LIKE TO POINT OUT, SO DID 49 PERCENT OF AMERICA.
BUT THE 51 THAT DID NOT LIKE IT WAS VERY, VERY, VERY NOISY.
THEY WERE. >> Stephen: THEY WERE REALLY
MAD AT YOU AND ME. >> OH, PEOPLE WERE SO MAD.
WELL, THE FIRST QUESTION WAS LIKE WHY IS HE HAVING JOE EXOTIC
ON THE SHOW. >> Stephen: YES.
>> AND I THOUGHT THAT MEANT I DID A GOOD JOB.
>> Stephen: PEOPLE WERE VERY UPSET, WEREN'T THEY, CHRIS?
DON'T HAVE HIM ON AND THEN VERY MAD IT WASN'T REAL.
IT WAS A PERFECT IMOBIUS OF TWITTER NOTHINGNESS.
>> Stephen: YOU ARE WELCOME FOR ALL OF THE HATE.
>> THANK YOU. >> Stephen: THAT'S WHAT WE GET
BACK IN THE GREENROOM, WE GET CHEER -- CHEESE, BEER AND A LOT
OF HATE. >> AND INTERNET TROLLING.
IT IS CUTE BECAUSE THE DEPARTMENT AT YOUR SHOW CALLED
ME AND SAID, YOU KNOW, WE WILL SEND YOU A BUNCH OF STUFF TO
MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE JOE EXOTIC. >> Stephen: YES, WE HAVE TO
GET THIS -- >> AND IT IS LIKE I HAVE BEEN IN
SKETCH COMEDY MY WHOLE LIFE, I HAVE NINE OPTIONS FOR JOE EXOTIC
IN THE CLOSET. >> Stephen: YOU ALSO JOINED
TIKTOK, OBVIOUSLY WHICH A LOT OF PEOPLE DID.
>> YES. >> Stephen: YOU ARE PROUD OF
SOME OF YOUR VIDEOS YOU REALLY MADE AN IMPACT.
THIS ONE I UNDERSTAND WE ARE GOING TO SHOW RIGHT HERE IS YOUR
MOST POPULAR VIDEO WITH 1.6 MILLION VIEWS AND JUST LET
IT SPEAK FOR ITSELF. >> AND THAT CAN'T BE WRONG.
>> HEY, TOM WITH SUPER IMPORTANT LIF ACT, THOSE TINY BAGS THAT
COME WITH THE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS, HERE IS WHAT YOU NEED TO DO WITH
THEM, READY? THROW THEM IN THE [BLEEP]
GARBAGE, YOU WILL NEVER USE THEM EVER.
>> Stephen: 1.6 MILLION VIEWS. >> UH-HUH.
[APPLAUSE] >> Stephen: WHY DO YOU THINK?
WHY DO YOU THINK THAT'S THE HOT ONE.
>> THE SECRET OF TIKTOK IS, THE WAY TO MAKE A GREAT TIKTOK IS
YOU THINK, I PROBABLY SHOULDN'T -- THIS IS PROBABLY SOMETHING
TOO STUPID FOR ME TO DO. THIS IS JUST TOO STUPID, IT IS
TOO PEDESTRIAN, IT IS JUST THE DUMBEST THING I EVER THOUGHT OF.
THOSE ARE THE HITS. THEY ARE THE ONLY HITS.
GO RIGHT TO THE HITS. >> Stephen: SO THE NEW SHOW IS
THE NEW SEASON IS RENO 911 DEFUNDED.
>> YES. >> Stephen: TELL ME ABOUT THE
DEFUNDED PART OF THAT TITLE. >> YOU KNOW,.
>> Stephen: THAT SOUNDS TOPICAL.
>> IT WAS -- SO ALL STREAMING ON ROKU CHANNEL A.
>> Stephen: I HAVE ROKU CHANNEL?
YOU MADE A JOKE ABOUT ROKU CHANNEL LAST WEEK ON THE SHOW.
>> >> Stephen: I DON'T BELIEVE I
DID. >> YOU DID.
>> Stephen: ROLL THE TAPE, ROLL THE TAPE.
>> I DID NOT MAKE A JOKE. >> ROLL THE TAPE!
>> Stephen: MANY OF MY FRIENDS --.
YOUR FRIENDS MADE A JOKE ABOUT ROKU CHANNEL.
>> YOU MAKE A JOKE ABOUT ROKU CHANNEL?
I DON'T THINK YOU DID. >> Stephen: SEE?
>> EVERYBODY IS GOING TO MAKE -- SO YOU WERE JUST GOING TO MAKE
IN A JOKE ABOUT -- IT IS A GREAT CHANNEL A.
>> Stephen: IT IS. >> THE NEW EPISODES, IT WAS
HANDY THIS YEAR BECAUSE THE WORLD OF LAW ENFORCEMENT KEPT
GIVING US IDEAS, WHETHER THEY MEANT TO OR NOT.
YOU KNOW,. >> Stephen: LIKE THE BIKES?
>> THE BIKES, THAT SORT OF WAS BASED ON THE CITY OF MIAMI HAS
AN EMERGENCY RIOT RESPONSE DIVISION.
AND THEY ARE ON BIKES. >> Stephen: GET THROUGH A
CROWD, I GUESS. >> COULD YOU?
WHAT IS THE ADVANTAGE? I CAN'T THINK OF ONE.
>> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW. A LOT OF RIOT POLICE ARE ON
HORSEBACK. >> THAT MAKES SENSE, THAT IS SO
INTIMIDATING, WHOA, WHOA, HEY, HORSE GUY, I AM SO SORRY.
THAT IS A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THING, BUT SO THE MIAMI BEACH,
THEY POSTED THEIR ELITE BICYCLE DIVISION AND IN THE VIDEO WHERE
THEY POSTED THEMSELVES THEY ALL WIPE OUT, JUST LIKE, EVERYBODY
IS JUST LIKE, OH, SORRY, YEAH. SO WE JUST -- SOMETIMES WE JUST
LOOK AT THE WORLD AND WE ARE LIKE, WELL, THANK YOU, THAT'S A
THREE-BY-FIVE CARD, HERE IS A KAREN THAT DID THIS, LET'S PUT
THIS ON THE WALL, THIS ON THE WALL.
>> Stephen: ONE OF THE MOST EXCITING THINGS ABOUT THE SEASON
THIS YEAR IS ONE OF THE CHARACTERS, ONE OF THE STARS IS
TED NUGENT, BUT HE IS PLAYED BY WEIRD AL IS PLAYING TED, WHICH
WE HAVE A SHOT HERE. >> THERE WE GO.
>> Stephen: THERE IS WEIRD AL, RIGHT, THERE IS WEIRD AL RIGHT
THERE ROCKING IT, ROCKING IT. YEAH.
[APPLAUSE] >> Stephen: MOTOR CITY MADMAN.
>> WE LOVE LIKE TAKING KIND OF LIKE A SCARY GUY LIKE FAMOUS BOW
HUNTER THE NEW TED NUGENT AND CASTING HIM WITH REALLY ONE OF
THE KINDEST SWEETEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD.
>> Stephen: WHICH WEIRD AL. AND YOU GUYS ARE BUDDY, RIGHT?
>> AL AND I HAVE BEEN FRIENDS FOR ABOUT 15 YEARS.
HOW DOES THE ONE GET TO BE WEIRD AL'S FRIEND?
>> I WROTE IT ON MY VISION BOARD AT 11.
AND I PROBABLY DID, SO ONE DAY I WAS AT THE OFFICE SUPPLY STORE.
>> Stephen: AS YOU DO. >> AS YOU DO.
GETTING PRINTER TONER. THIS IS NOT LIKE A COOL STORY
THAT HAPPENS AT THE VIPER ROOM, THIS IS ME MEETING WEIRD AL THIS
HAS TO BE NERDY STUFF SO BUYING PRINTER TONER AND I LOOK OVER
AND SEE THIS CURLY MANE OF HAIR, TWO PEOPLE IN THE WORLD THAT
COULD BE, KENNY G OR WEIRD AL YANKOVIC.
AND YOU DIDN'T SEE A SO PRACTICE NO SAX.
>> NO. HE WASN'T DOING THIS.
SO I SAID, EXCUSE ME, ARE YOU WEIRD AL YANG WITS?
>> HE SAID YES, I AM, ARE YOU LIEUTENANT DANGLE?
AND I SAID, YES, I AM, AND THEN I SAID, JUST AS A JOKE I SAID
SHOULD WE JUST DECIDE TO BE BEST FRIENDS?
AND WE SHOOK ON IT AND IT WAS JUST A DUMB THING TO SAY, AND
THEN HE HAS BEEN MY BEST FRIEND ALMOST --
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> ALMOST EVER SINCE.
>> Stephen: GOT RIGHT TO THE MEAT OF IT.
THOMAS LENNON, IT WAS LOVELY TO SEE YOU.
RENO 911 DEFUNNED PREMIERS ON THE ROKU CHANNEL TOMORROW, RONAN
BOYLE, HIS BOOK, RONAN BOYLE INTO THE STRANGEPLACE IS
AVAILABLE NOW. HE WROTE IT, HE IS THOMAS
LENNON. WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A
PERFORMANCE BY TEARS FOR FEARS. THAT'S RIGHT.
TO NOW PERFORMING "BREAK THE MAN" FROM THEIR
NEW ALBUM, "THE TIPPING POINT," PLEASE WELCOME TEARS FOR FEARS!
S THIS WAS NEVER WHAT I THOUGHT IT WAS
S THIS IS NOT WHO WE ARE
S THIS IS WHERE SOMEONE WAS MEANT TO SAY
S ENOUGH IS ENOUGH
S THIS IS NOTHING LIKE THEY ♪ THIS IS NOTHING LIKE THEY
SAID IT WOULD BE ♪ THIS HAS ALL GONE
TOO FAR ♪ WHEN EVERYTHING IS RUNNING OUT
THIS IS LOVE ♪ SHE'S THE FIRE AND THE FALLOUT
SHE REMINDS YOU OF THE ♪ THINGS WE NEVER TALK ABOUT
SHE'S THE LOVER WITH THE ♪ BEST-LAID PLAN
TO BREAK THE MAN ♪ SHE'S A SINNER IN A SIDESHOW
SHE FEELS AT HOME WHEN ♪ THERE'S NOWHERE LEFT TO GO
SHE'S THE DEVIL YOU UNDERSTAND BREAK THE MAN
♪ NO MORE TEARING THE BANDAGES OFF
♪ NO MORE LIVING A LIE NO MORE CHEWING THE SCENERY
♪ NO MORE RAIN NO MORE RAIN
♪ NO MORE WONDERING, "WHAT HAPPENS NOW?"
♪ NO MORE HOLDING YOUR FEET TO THE FIRE
♪ WHEN EVERYTHING IS RUNNING DOWN, NO MORE PAIN
♪ SHE'S THE FIRE AND THE FALLOUT SHE REMINDS YOU OF THE
♪ THINGS WE NEVER TALK ABOUT SHE'S THE LOVER WITH THE
♪ BEST-LAID PLAN TO BREAK THE MAN
♪ SHE'S THE TROUBLE IN THE HEADLINE
♪ SHE'S THE MOTHER WHO TURNS BACK FATHER TIME
♪ SHE'S THE DEVIL YOU UNDERSTAND BREAK THE MAN
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ NO MORE WONDERING, "WHAT HAPPENS NOW?"
♪ NO MORE HOLDING YOUR FEET TO THE FIRE
♪ WHEN EVERYTHING IS RUNNING DOWN, THIS IS LOVE
♪ SHE'S THE FIRE AND THE FALLOUT SHE REMINDS YOU OF THE
♪ THINGS WE NEVER TALK ABOUT SHE'S THE LOVER WITH THE
♪ BEST-LAID PLAN TO BREAK THE MAN
♪ SHE'S THE TROUBLE IN THE HEADLINE
♪ SHE'S THE MOTHER WHO TURNS BACK FATHER TIME
♪ SHE'S THE DEVIL YOU UNDERSTAND BREAK THE MAN ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) PERFORMANCE FROM THEM AT
ColbertLateShow.com. TEARS FOR FEARS, EVERYBODY!
THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW." TUNE IN TOMORROW, WHEN MY
GUESTS WILL BE SAM WATERSTON AND SOPHIA BUSH.
JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT. GOOD NIGHT.