1 00:00:03,203 --> 00:00:04,838 SAYING EMINEM SHOULD LEAVE THIS 2 00:00:04,904 --> 00:00:07,674 COUNTRY BECAUSE HE TOOK A KNEE DURING THE SUPER BOWL. 3 00:00:07,741 --> 00:00:10,510 >> LET'S GET RIGHT TO EMINEM TAKING A KNEE. 4 00:00:10,577 --> 00:00:14,514 WHY DOESN'T HE GO TO ANOTHER COUNTRY? 5 00:00:14,581 --> 00:00:16,049 TAKE YOUR KNEE SOMEPLACE ELSE. WHAT KIND OF COUNTRY ARE WE 6 00:00:16,116 --> 00:00:19,285 BECOMING? >> AND NOW A REBUTTAL FROM 7 00:00:19,352 --> 00:00:21,287 EMINEM. ♪♪♪ 8 00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:24,350 >> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE 9 00:01:24,417 --> 00:01:31,791 SHOW" WITH STEPHEN COLBERT! TONIGHT, DID IT AGAIN. 10 00:01:31,858 --> 00:01:40,366 PLUS STEPHEN WELCOMES MARGARET BRENNAN AND ADAM SCOTT, 11 00:01:40,433 --> 00:01:46,039 FEATURING JON BATISTE AND "STAY HUMAN." 12 00:01:46,105 --> 00:01:51,177 AND NOW LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK 13 00:01:51,244 --> 00:02:01,488 CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 14 00:02:01,554 --> 00:02:03,389 ( THEME SONG PLAYING ) >> Stephen: OH! 15 00:02:03,456 --> 00:02:15,134 WHAT A SIGHT FOR SORE EYES! HEY! 16 00:02:15,201 --> 00:02:19,339 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Jon: WHOO! 17 00:02:19,405 --> 00:02:22,108 OH, WHOA! >> Stephen: HEY, FRIENDS! 18 00:02:22,175 --> 00:02:24,711 >> Jon: HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON? ( PIANO RIFF ) 19 00:02:24,777 --> 00:02:27,714 >> Stephen: SO NICE. WELCOME. 20 00:02:27,780 --> 00:02:31,284 WELCOME ONE AND ALL. PLEASE HAVE A SEAT, EVERYBODY. 21 00:02:31,351 --> 00:02:34,120 WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW." I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT. 22 00:02:34,187 --> 00:02:36,389 THE BIG STORY -- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 23 00:02:36,456 --> 00:02:40,026 -- FOR THOSE OF YOU PAYING ATTENTION TO THE WORLD OUTSIDE, 24 00:02:40,093 --> 00:02:46,466 THE BIG STORY CONTINUES TO BE GEO POLITICAL INTRIGUE. 25 00:02:46,533 --> 00:02:50,803 RUSSIA AMASSED 150,000 TROOPS ON THE UKRAINE BORDER BUT BOONT 26 00:02:50,870 --> 00:02:56,576 SAID THEY'RE NOT INVADING, SO IT'S A REAL CASE OF THEY WILL OR 27 00:02:56,643 --> 00:02:59,746 THEY DEFINITELY WILL. LAST NIGHT U.S. INTELLIGENCE 28 00:02:59,812 --> 00:03:07,353 ANNOUNCED INSTEAD OF RUSSIA PULLING BACK LIKE THEY CLAIMED, 29 00:03:07,420 --> 00:03:10,723 RUSSIA HAS ADDED 7,000 TROOPS ALONG UKRAINE'S BORDER. 30 00:03:10,790 --> 00:03:14,260 OH, RUSSIA, RUSSIA, RUSSIA. MY -- 31 00:03:14,327 --> 00:03:15,528 THIS REMINDS ME OF THAT SCENE IN "LORD OF THE RINGS:" 32 00:03:15,595 --> 00:03:19,799 >> WE'RE ACTUALLY RETREATING! >> GIVE PEACE A CHANCE! 33 00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:22,168 >> STEPHEN: SOME PEOPLE "ARE" TRYING TO DE-ESCALATE 34 00:03:22,235 --> 00:03:23,436 TENSIONS. FOR EXAMPLE, IN NEIGHBORING 35 00:03:23,503 --> 00:03:27,640 MOLDOVA, A PILOT OF A PASSENGER PLANE AT UKRAINE'S BORDER USED 36 00:03:27,707 --> 00:03:34,080 HIS FLIGHT PATH TO DRAW THE WORD "RELAX." 37 00:03:34,147 --> 00:03:35,315 ( LAUGHTER ) IT'S A NICE SENTIMENT, BUT I 38 00:03:35,381 --> 00:03:39,118 PREFER MY PILOTS TO BE A LITTLE NOT-RELAXED. 39 00:03:39,185 --> 00:03:40,687 (AS PILOT) "THIS IS YOUR PILOT SPEAKING, 40 00:03:40,753 --> 00:03:43,489 WE'VE LOST BOTH ENGINES, BUT I'M CHILLIN' UP HERE IN THE 41 00:03:43,556 --> 00:03:46,759 COCKPIT. I'VE TURNED OFF THE FASTEN 42 00:03:46,826 --> 00:03:50,697 SEATBELT SIGN BECAUSE IT WAS HARSHING MY MELLOW. 43 00:03:50,763 --> 00:03:52,732 WE'LL HAVE YOU ON THE GROUND IN JUST A COUPLE OF SECONDS, WAVE 44 00:03:52,799 --> 00:03:58,471 HELLO TO THE FIRE TRUCKS AS WE SKID FLAMING BY THEM." 45 00:03:58,538 --> 00:03:59,539 ( LAUGHTER ) ( PIANO RIFF ) 46 00:03:59,606 --> 00:04:02,008 SPEAKING OF INTERNATIONAL CONFLICT: THE OLYMPICS. 47 00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:03,643 YOU MIGHT REMEMBER THAT AFTER THE RUSSIANS WON GOLD IN TEAM 48 00:04:03,710 --> 00:04:07,380 FIGURE SKATING LAST WEEK, IT WAS REVEALED THAT ONE OF THEIR 49 00:04:07,447 --> 00:04:10,383 TOP COMPETITORS HAD FAILED A DRUG TEST BEFORE THE GAMES 50 00:04:10,450 --> 00:04:13,052 BEGAN. WHILE THAT CASE IS BEING 51 00:04:13,119 --> 00:04:15,254 APPEALED, NONE OF THE TEAMS ARE GETTING THEIR MEDALS, INCLUDING 52 00:04:15,321 --> 00:04:18,324 THE AMERICANS WHO FINISHED SECOND. 53 00:04:18,391 --> 00:04:20,193 AS A CONSOLATION GIFT TEAM U.S.A. WILL REPORTEDLY 54 00:04:20,259 --> 00:04:25,698 RECEIVE OLYMPIC TORCHES. YES, THAT'S THE SMART PEOPLE DO 55 00:04:25,765 --> 00:04:28,768 WHEN YOU'VE REALLY PISSED SOME PEOPLE OFF. 56 00:04:28,835 --> 00:04:33,840 HAND THEM A TORCH. EVIDENTLY, THEY WERE OUT OF 57 00:04:33,906 --> 00:04:35,375 OLYMPIC PITCHFORKS. A HAPPIER MOMENT WAS PROVIDED BY 58 00:04:35,441 --> 00:04:39,312 THE CAPTAIN OF THE JAPANESE WOMEN'S CURLING TEAM 59 00:04:39,379 --> 00:04:42,548 SATSUKI FUJISAWA. THE CAMERAS PICKED UP 60 00:04:42,615 --> 00:04:46,019 THIS MESSAGE SHE WROTE TO HERSELF ON HER HAND: 61 00:04:46,085 --> 00:04:51,324 "I'M A GOOD CURLER. I HAVE CONFIDENCE. LET'S HAVE FUN!" 62 00:04:51,391 --> 00:04:53,192 ISN'T THAT NICE? THAT'S VERY SWEET. 63 00:04:53,259 --> 00:04:57,163 >> Jon: VERY SWEET MESSAGE. ( APPLAUSE ) 64 00:04:57,230 --> 00:05:01,601 >> Stephen: THAT MESSAGE REMINDS ME OF MY 65 00:05:01,668 --> 00:05:03,002 OWN HAND-BASED SELF-AFFIRMATION "I AM GOOD AT MONOLOGUE. 66 00:05:03,069 --> 00:05:04,737 I HAVE CONFIDENCE." "IF FOUND, PLEASE RETURN TO THE 67 00:05:04,804 --> 00:05:10,777 ED SULLIVAN THEATRE." ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 68 00:05:10,843 --> 00:05:14,714 THERE'S JUST A LITTLE SLIDE OUT FRONT THEY COULD JUST SLIDE ME 69 00:05:14,781 --> 00:05:18,184 RIGHT IN. >> Jon: JUST SLIDE YOU RIGHT 70 00:05:18,251 --> 00:05:19,318 IN. >> Stephen: NORTH OF THE 71 00:05:19,385 --> 00:05:22,255 BORDER, A BUNCH OF CANADIAN TRUCKERS CONTINUE TO 72 00:05:22,321 --> 00:05:23,356 PROTEST VACCINE MANDATES. WE'VE GOT AN UPDATE IN OUR 73 00:05:23,423 --> 00:05:26,526 KETCHUP-FLAVORED SEGMENT: "WHOA, CANADA!" 74 00:05:26,592 --> 00:05:28,494 ( HONK HONK ) >> STEPHEN: EARLIER THIS WEEK, 75 00:05:28,561 --> 00:05:31,330 CANADA DECLARED A STATE OF EMERGENCY, BUT TRUCKERS ARE 76 00:05:31,397 --> 00:05:36,536 STILL OCCUPYING DOWNTOWN OTTAWA. 77 00:05:36,602 --> 00:05:37,937 AND OTTAWA RESIDENTS HAVE HAD ENOUGH, AS YOU CAN SEE IN THIS 78 00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:39,405 VIRAL CLIP OF ONE MAN CONFRONTING THE TRUCKERS: 79 00:05:39,472 --> 00:05:43,309 >> JUST TO BE SURE IT'S CLEAR ( BLEEP ) YOU. 80 00:05:43,376 --> 00:05:46,746 SHUT UP. SHUT UP AND GO ( BLEEP ) 81 00:05:46,813 --> 00:05:48,781 YOURSELF. ( BLEEP ) YOU AND TAKE YOUR 82 00:05:48,848 --> 00:05:49,849 ( BLEEP )ING... I DON'T GIVE A ( BLEEP ). 83 00:05:49,916 --> 00:05:52,752 I DON'T GIVE A ( BLEEP ) ABOUT YOU. 84 00:05:52,819 --> 00:05:54,120 GO THE ( BLEEP ) HOME. NOBODY ( BLEEP ) CARES ABOUT 85 00:05:54,187 --> 00:06:04,197 YOUR BULL( BLEEP ). >> Stephen: KEEP IN MIND -- 86 00:06:04,263 --> 00:06:04,964 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: SURE. 87 00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:08,868 >> Jon: A LOT OF F-BOMBS. WHOO! 88 00:06:08,935 --> 00:06:10,737 >> STEPHEN: KEEP IN MIND, HE'S CANADIAN, SO THAT'S THE POLITE 89 00:06:10,803 --> 00:06:12,505 VERSION. ( LAUGHTER ) 90 00:06:12,572 --> 00:06:13,706 BUT AS WITH ANYTHING THAT PISSES PEOPLE OFF, AMERICAN 91 00:06:13,773 --> 00:06:16,743 CONSERVATIVES ARE ALL FOR IT. SPECIFICALLY, MYPILLOW C.E.O. 92 00:06:16,809 --> 00:06:19,545 MIKE LINDELL, SEEN HERE CALLING 911 TO REPORT A HORSE THAT'S 93 00:06:19,612 --> 00:06:23,916 BEEN STARING AT HIM. ( LAUGHTER ) 94 00:06:23,983 --> 00:06:27,320 LINDELL HAS A PLAN TO SUPPORT THE CANADIAN TRUCKERS, AND 95 00:06:27,386 --> 00:06:33,493 YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHAT IT IS. SEND THEM A BUNCH OF MYPILLOWS. 96 00:06:33,559 --> 00:06:35,328 ( LAUGHTER ) OK, YOU GUESSED. 97 00:06:35,394 --> 00:06:38,865 I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE ASKING. STEVE, WILL THERE BE ENOUGH 98 00:06:38,931 --> 00:06:41,400 MYPILLOWS TO GO AROUND? YES, GAIL. 99 00:06:41,467 --> 00:06:52,178 BECAUSE LINDELL LOADED UP A TRUCK WITH 10,000 PILLOWS. 100 00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:57,150 ALMOST AS MANY AS ON THE BED IN YOUR GREAT AUNT'S GUEST ROOM. 101 00:06:57,216 --> 00:07:01,120 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THOSE SHAMS ARE NOT FOR 102 00:07:01,187 --> 00:07:02,021 SLEEPING! THESE PROTESTORS ARE CAMPED OUT 103 00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:03,322 IN THE COLD. THEY NEED FOOD AND FUEL, NOT 104 00:07:03,389 --> 00:07:05,258 10,000 PILLOWS. IN THE WORDS OF ONE GREAT 105 00:07:05,324 --> 00:07:10,196 CANADIAN: ( IRONIC BY ALANIS MORISSETTE ) 106 00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:11,430 >> ALANIS: IT'S LIKE 10,000 >> (MALE VOICE DUB) MY PILLOWS 107 00:07:11,497 --> 00:07:14,267 >> ALANIS: WHEN ALL YOU NEED IS A KNIFE, IT'S LIKE MEETING THE 108 00:07:14,333 --> 00:07:16,736 MAN OF MY DREAMS, AND THEN MEETING HIS BEAUTIFUL 109 00:07:16,803 --> 00:07:26,813 >> (MALE VOICE DUB) PILLOW. >> Stephen: BEAUTIFUL SONG. 110 00:07:26,879 --> 00:07:28,414 BEAUTIFUL SONG. IT'S NOT JUST PILLOWS FOR 111 00:07:28,481 --> 00:07:29,715 HARD-PROTESTIN' GROWNUPS. THERE'S ALSO SOME FOR THE KIDS. 112 00:07:29,782 --> 00:07:31,317 >> WE SENT A WHOLE TRUCKLOAD OF THESE - ABOUT I DON'T KNOW, A 113 00:07:31,384 --> 00:07:34,554 THOUSAND OF THESE >> OHH, I LOVE! 114 00:07:34,620 --> 00:07:36,322 >> THESE ARE BIBLE PILLOWS FOR THE KIDS UP THERE. WE GOT 115 00:07:36,389 --> 00:07:40,760 NOAH'S ARK AND STUFF. >> STEPHEN: YES, NOAH'S ARK ON A 116 00:07:40,827 --> 00:07:42,895 PILLOW. PERFECT FOR GETTING YOUR LITTLE ONES TO 117 00:07:42,962 --> 00:07:49,669 SLEEP. (AS PARENT) 118 00:07:49,735 --> 00:07:51,237 "BEDTIME, HONEY. REMEMBER, GOD WILL DROWN "YOU" 119 00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:52,738 FOR "MY" SINS, AND SPARE ONLY THE HORNIEST LIVESTOCK. 120 00:07:52,805 --> 00:08:01,280 G'NIGHT!" ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 121 00:08:01,347 --> 00:08:03,115 TRUE STORY. BASED ON A TRUE STORY. 122 00:08:03,182 --> 00:08:06,752 BASED ON A TRUE STORY. SO, LINDELL LOADED UP HIS PILLOW 123 00:08:06,819 --> 00:08:09,889 CONVOY AND HEADED FOR THE BORDER, WHERE HE WAS 124 00:08:09,956 --> 00:08:13,092 IMMEDIATELY TURNED BACK BECAUSE HE WAS NOT FULLY VACCINATED AND 125 00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:18,497 DID NOT HAVE A NEGATIVE P.C.R. TEST. 126 00:08:18,564 --> 00:08:21,200 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Jon: COME ON, MAN! 127 00:08:21,267 --> 00:08:31,110 COME ON! >> Stephen: HE COULDN'T 128 00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:32,812 SUPPORT THE VAX MANDATE PROTESTORS BECAUSE HE 129 00:08:32,879 --> 00:08:35,014 WASN'T FULLY VAXXED. HOW CAN YOU DESCRIBE THAT? 130 00:08:35,081 --> 00:08:39,318 ( IRONIC BY ALANIS MORISSETTE ) >> ALANIS: ISN'T IT IRONIC, 131 00:08:39,385 --> 00:08:45,825 DON'T YOU THINK? >> Stephen: THANK YOU, 132 00:08:45,892 --> 00:08:47,260 DR. MORISSETTE. BUT LINDELL'S GOT A BACKUP PLAN 133 00:08:47,326 --> 00:08:52,598 TO SMUGGLE IN MUCH-NEEDED PILLOWS: HE'S GOING TO DROP THEM 134 00:08:52,665 --> 00:08:54,300 FROM THE SKY VIA HELICOPTER. OK, SO THE CANADIAN BORDER 135 00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:56,235 GUARDS ARE STOPPING HIM FROM DRIVING INTO THE COUNTRY. 136 00:08:56,302 --> 00:08:58,738 SO HE'S PLAYING IT SAFE BY USING A HELICOPTER TO VIOLATE THEIR 137 00:08:58,804 --> 00:09:01,474 AIRSPACE. GOOD THING HE'S GOT THOSE 10,000 138 00:09:01,540 --> 00:09:03,142 PILLOWS. THEY CAN CUSHION THE FALL WHEN 139 00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:09,682 THE CANADIAN AIRFORCE SHOOTS HIM DOWN. 140 00:09:09,749 --> 00:09:11,317 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) SPEAKING OF, THEY HAVE AN 141 00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:15,321 AIR FORCE, RIGHT? THEY JUST STRAP A PISTOL TO A 142 00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:17,256 GOOSE. SPEAKING OF CRASHES, THERE'S 143 00:09:17,323 --> 00:09:19,325 NEWS FROM THE HIGH-FLYING, LOW-TRANSPARENCY WORLD OF 144 00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:26,332 DIGITAL INVESTMENTS, AND I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT IN MY NEW 145 00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:27,934 SEGMENT "TALES FROM THE CRYPTO." >> "AXE ME TO EXPLAIN 146 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:31,304 BLOCKCHAIN! HAHAHAHAHA! 147 00:09:31,370 --> 00:09:35,141 I CAN'T." >> STEPHEN: FIRST UP IN THE 148 00:09:35,207 --> 00:09:37,877 CRYPTO CRYPT, J.P. MORGAN CHASE JUST OPENED A LOUNGE IN THE 149 00:09:37,944 --> 00:09:40,746 METAVERSE. AWESOME. 150 00:09:40,813 --> 00:09:43,316 BECAUSE WHEN I HEARD THAT THERE WAS A VIRTUAL WORLD WHERE YOU 151 00:09:43,382 --> 00:09:47,053 CAN BE ANYONE AND DO ANYTHING, MY FIRST THOUGHT WAS: 152 00:09:47,119 --> 00:09:51,257 "BOY, I HOPE I CAN STILL GO TO THE BANK." 153 00:09:51,324 --> 00:09:55,328 ( LAUGHTER ) DO THE D.M.V. NEXT! 154 00:09:55,394 --> 00:10:00,933 THE LOUNGE IS CALLED "ONYX" AND IT'S IN A VIRTUAL VERSION OF 155 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:04,737 TOKYO'S HARAJUKU SHOPPING DISTRICT, CALLED "META-JUKU." 156 00:10:04,804 --> 00:10:08,741 SO THEY JUST PUT META ON EVERYTHING TO MAKE NEW WORDS. 157 00:10:08,808 --> 00:10:15,314 LET ME TRY! THAT META-BLOWS. 158 00:10:15,381 --> 00:10:17,583 ( LAUGHTER ) WHAT'S IT LIKE INSIDE THE 159 00:10:17,650 --> 00:10:19,919 VIRTUAL SPACE? WELL, A TIGER WANDERS THE FIRST 160 00:10:19,986 --> 00:10:22,755 FLOOR, AND A PICTURE OF THE BANK'S BOSS JAMIE DIMON HANGS ON 161 00:10:22,822 --> 00:10:25,091 THE WALL. WHOA! 162 00:10:25,157 --> 00:10:28,227 THAT WENT FROM COOL TO LAME AWFUL FAST. 163 00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:31,163 IT'S LIKE SOMEONE SAYING, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY! 164 00:10:31,230 --> 00:10:34,867 I GOT YOU A CAR... RIDE WITH JAMIE DIMON." 165 00:10:34,934 --> 00:10:39,338 ( LAUGHTER ) BUT THERE'S MORE, BECAUSE AFTER 166 00:10:39,405 --> 00:10:41,640 YOU ENTER THE LOUNGE, A WINDING STAIRCASE LEADS TO THE SECOND 167 00:10:41,707 --> 00:10:46,746 FLOOR, WHERE A PERSON'S AVATAR CAN WATCH EXPERTS TALK ABOUT THE 168 00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:47,980 CRYPTO MARKET. AND HOPEFULLY, ANOTHER WINDING 169 00:10:48,047 --> 00:10:51,317 STAIRCASE THAT LEADS TO THE TOP OF THE BUILDING SO YOUR AVATAR 170 00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:59,325 CAN LEAP TO ITS DEATH. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 171 00:10:59,392 --> 00:11:03,896 IT'S NOT REAL. >> Jon: IT'S AN AVATAR. 172 00:11:03,963 --> 00:11:07,066 >> Stephen: OUR NEXT STORY CENTERS AROUND 173 00:11:07,133 --> 00:11:09,068 FORMER FIRST LADY AND WOMAN AT THE BOOK CLUB WHO HOPES YOU'RE 174 00:11:09,135 --> 00:11:10,669 JOKING ABOUT READING TA-NEHISI COATES NEXT WEEK, 175 00:11:10,736 --> 00:11:13,305 MELANIA. RECENTLY, MELANIA HELD AN 176 00:11:13,372 --> 00:11:15,307 AUCTION FOR A COLLECTION OF N.F.T.S ON THE "SOLANA" 177 00:11:15,374 --> 00:11:18,277 BLOCKCHAIN. OF COURSE, THE SOLANA BLOCKCHAIN 178 00:11:18,344 --> 00:11:21,747 IS SIMILAR TO THE ETHERIUM BLOCKCHAIN IN THAT IF YOUR 179 00:11:21,814 --> 00:11:23,049 TINDER DATE STARTS TALKING ABOUT EITHER OF THEM, GET OUT OF THAT 180 00:11:23,115 --> 00:11:25,785 APPLEBEES. LEAVE YOUR COAT. 181 00:11:25,851 --> 00:11:29,288 YOU CAN GET ANOTHER ONE. THE AUCTION WAS CALLED THE 182 00:11:29,355 --> 00:11:35,227 "HEAD OF STATE COLLECTION" AND INCLUDED A WATERCOLOR OF THE 183 00:11:35,294 --> 00:11:39,098 FORMER FIRST LADY WEARING THE HAT, AND A DIGITAL ARTWORK 184 00:11:39,165 --> 00:11:42,101 N.F.T. OF THE WATERCOLOR OF HER WEARING THE HAT. 185 00:11:42,168 --> 00:11:50,176 WHAT IS IT WITH THIS FAMILY AND SCAMMING PEOPLE WITH HATS? 186 00:11:50,242 --> 00:11:56,849 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF ) 187 00:11:56,916 --> 00:11:59,351 NOW, THE MINIMUM BID WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT $250,000, 188 00:11:59,418 --> 00:12:03,322 PAYABLE ONLY IN THE CRYPTOCURRENCY OF THE SOLANA 189 00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:06,525 BLOCKCHAIN. ONLY PROBLEM, BETWEEN THE TIME 190 00:12:06,592 --> 00:12:09,862 THE AUCTION WAS ANNOUNCED AND THE TIME IT STARTED, THAT 191 00:12:09,929 --> 00:12:11,363 TYPE OF CRYPTO PLUMMETED FROM $170 PER TOKEN TO $95 PER 192 00:12:11,430 --> 00:12:16,402 TOKEN. THAT'S GONNA BE CONFUSING FOR 193 00:12:16,469 --> 00:12:17,403 THE AUCTIONEER. (AUCTIONEER) 194 00:12:17,470 --> 00:12:19,472 "I GOT A BID AT 500. NOW THAT SAME BID FOR 250. 195 00:12:19,538 --> 00:12:21,674 WHOOPS. NOW IT'S BACK UP TO 375. 196 00:12:21,740 --> 00:12:23,109 CAN I GET A BID IN REAL MONEY? REAL MONEY... REAL MONEY... 197 00:12:23,175 --> 00:12:27,313 AND "SOLD" TO THE MAN WITH 75 CENTS IN NICKELS!" 198 00:12:27,379 --> 00:12:39,258 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 199 00:12:39,325 --> 00:12:40,759 BUT DESPITE THE CURRENCY FLUCTUATIONS, MELANIA'S HAT GOT 200 00:12:40,826 --> 00:12:43,329 A BUYER! AND THE WINNER WAS... 201 00:12:43,395 --> 00:12:45,564 MELANIA! BECAUSE THE MONEY THAT WON 202 00:12:45,631 --> 00:12:47,199 MELANIA'S N.F.T. CAME FROM MELANIA'S OWN DIGITAL 203 00:12:47,266 --> 00:12:54,907 WALLET. IT WAS HER OWN HAT, HER OWN 204 00:12:54,974 --> 00:12:58,744 WATERCOLOR, AND HER OWN N.F.T., PAID FOR WITH HER OWN MONEY. 205 00:12:58,811 --> 00:13:07,319 (SINGING) "IT'S THE CIIIIIRCLE OF GRIFT!" 206 00:13:07,386 --> 00:13:08,554 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF ) 207 00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:10,756 WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT, MY GUESTS ARE MARGARET 208 00:13:10,823 --> 00:13:14,260 BRENNAN AND ADAM SCOTT. BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, 209 00:13:14,326 --> 00:13:14,793 MEANWHILE! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 210 00:13:57,570 --> 00:14:00,606 SNOOP JON BATISTE AND "STAY HUMAN," EVERYBODY! 211 00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:05,477 RIGHT OVER THERE! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 212 00:14:05,544 --> 00:14:12,484 ( JON LAUGHING ) >> Stephen: JON, I GOT RIGHT 213 00:14:12,551 --> 00:14:16,689 HERE I'M TALKING TONIGHT -- WE HAVE TWO LOVELY GUESTS THIS 214 00:14:16,755 --> 00:14:20,426 EVENING FROM "FACE THE NATION," THE HOST OF "FACE THE NATION" 215 00:14:20,492 --> 00:14:22,394 WITH MARGARET BRENNAN. MARGARET BRENNAN IS GOING TO BE 216 00:14:22,461 --> 00:14:24,063 OUT HERE. >> Jon: MARGARET BRENNAN IS IN 217 00:14:24,129 --> 00:14:28,801 THE HOUSE ♪ ♪ GN YEAH, YEAH, MARGARET ♪ 218 00:14:28,867 --> 00:14:32,037 >> Stephen: THE LOVELY AND TALENTED ADAM SCOTT IS GOING TO 219 00:14:32,104 --> 00:14:34,974 BE OUT HERE. HE'S ON THE NEW "SEVERANCE" ON 220 00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:40,546 APPLE TV. JON, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY TODAY. 221 00:14:40,613 --> 00:14:43,249 DID YOU GET OUTSIDE AT ALL? >> Jon: YES, I DID. 222 00:14:43,315 --> 00:14:46,218 >> Stephen: VERY STRANGE NEW YORK DAY. 223 00:14:46,285 --> 00:14:51,490 15 ON MONDAY, AND 65 TODAY? >> Jon: YEAH, FELT GOOD, GOOD 224 00:14:51,557 --> 00:14:54,460 AT A TO PLAY PICKUP BALL. >> Stephen: DID YOU PLAY? 225 00:14:54,526 --> 00:14:56,495 >> Jon: NO. >> Stephen: THIS ONE GOT AWAY 226 00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:58,430 FROM YOU. >> Jon: YEAH, GOT AWAY FROM 227 00:14:58,497 --> 00:15:00,699 ME. >> Stephen: WHAT I HEAR, IT'S 228 00:15:00,766 --> 00:15:04,270 SO WARM IN VANCOUVER RIGHT NOW, YOU COULD GROW A PALM TREE UP 229 00:15:04,336 --> 00:15:05,571 THERE. >> Jon: OH, YEAH! 230 00:15:05,638 --> 00:15:13,479 I HEARD THAT! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 231 00:15:13,545 --> 00:15:17,082 >> Stephen: FOLKS, I SPEND A LOT OF TIME 232 00:15:17,149 --> 00:15:18,784 RIGHT OVER THERE, COMBING THROUGH THE DAY'S NEWS AND 233 00:15:18,851 --> 00:15:20,552 CAREFULLY SELECTING THE MOST PRISTINE OPALESCENT GLASS 234 00:15:20,619 --> 00:15:22,254 STORIES, ORNATELY FUSING THE PIECES USING ONLY THE MOST 235 00:15:22,321 --> 00:15:24,723 TOPICAL COPPER WIRE AND LEAD CASING BEFORE COLORING THEM WITH 236 00:15:24,790 --> 00:15:26,558 THE MOST PIGMENT-RICH JOKES AVAILABLE TO CONSTRUCT FOR YOU 237 00:15:26,625 --> 00:15:29,395 THE ELEGANT STAINED-GLASS TIFFANY DOME THAT IS MY NIGHTLY 238 00:15:29,461 --> 00:15:34,500 MONOLOGUE. BUT SOMETIMES, I JOLT AWAKE 239 00:15:34,566 --> 00:15:38,304 BEHIND THE WHEEL OF A '79 BUICK REGAL LOWRIDER WHILE DOING 240 00:15:38,370 --> 00:15:43,075 DONUTS IN THE PARKING LOT OF A BOARDED UP JOANNE FABRICS, WHEN 241 00:15:43,142 --> 00:15:44,977 I CLIP A BARREL FIRE AND I'M THROWN FROM THE CAR INTO THE 242 00:15:45,044 --> 00:15:47,212 DUMPSTERS. THERE, I RUMMAGE THROUGH THE 243 00:15:47,279 --> 00:15:48,847 BITS OF BROKEN FANTA BOTTLES, AND GLUE THEM TOGETHER WITH 244 00:15:48,914 --> 00:15:51,750 STILL-WARM CHEWING GUM, AND STAIN THEM WITH WHATEVER 245 00:15:51,817 --> 00:15:55,287 REMNANTS I CAN SCRAPE FROM OLD KETCHUP AND FUN-DIP PACKETS. 246 00:15:55,354 --> 00:15:58,657 THEN I DOUSE MY PANTS IN KEROSENE AND LET 'ER BLAZE TO 247 00:15:58,724 --> 00:16:02,561 PROJECT THE DEMENTED NIGHTMARE KALEIDOSCOPE OF NEWS THAT IS MY 248 00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:17,509 SEGMENT: 249 00:16:17,576 --> 00:16:19,078 SEGMENT: 250 00:16:19,144 --> 00:16:20,479 >> STEPHEN: MEANWHILE, IN HONOR OF VALENTINE'S DAY, THIS WEEK, 251 00:16:20,546 --> 00:16:21,814 SANDWICH CHAIN PANERA IS GIVING AWAY 252 00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:25,451 DIAMOND RINGS IN BREAD BOWL BOXES. 253 00:16:25,517 --> 00:16:28,654 SO IT IS NOW OFFICIALLY EASIER TO GET A DIAMOND RING FROM 254 00:16:28,721 --> 00:16:34,960 PANERA THAN IT IS TO GET THE BATHROOM CODE. 255 00:16:35,027 --> 00:16:38,564 ( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, ACTOR, AND PERSONAL 256 00:16:38,630 --> 00:16:41,467 FRIEND OF MINE PATRICK WILSON, SURPRISED MANY PEOPLE RECENTLY 257 00:16:41,533 --> 00:16:45,938 WHEN HE TOLD AN INTERVIEWER "I'VE EATEN DOG POOP." 258 00:16:46,004 --> 00:16:47,072 ( LAUGHTER ) AND IF YOU THINK THAT'S WEIRD, 259 00:16:47,139 --> 00:16:55,547 THE QUESTION WAS HOW ARE YOU? ( LAUGHTER ) 260 00:16:55,614 --> 00:16:59,118 PATRICK -- AGAIN, PERSONAL FRIEND -- HI -- 261 00:16:59,184 --> 00:17:02,554 MADE THE SURPRISING CONFESSION WHEN AN INTERVIEWER, FOR SOME 262 00:17:02,621 --> 00:17:03,756 REASON, ASKED HIM, WHAT'S THE WORST THING YOU'VE PUT IN YOUR 263 00:17:03,822 --> 00:17:05,624 MOUTH? AND WILSON REPLIED 264 00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:07,559 I'M SURE, IN MY QUEST TO PICK UP DOG CRAP, THAT I HAVE LICKED THE 265 00:17:07,626 --> 00:17:11,730 BAG TO OPEN THE BAG, AND THEN IT'S ON MY HAND, AND I HAVE DOG 266 00:17:11,797 --> 00:17:15,834 ( BLEEP )IN THERE, TOO. OKAY, I HAVE BEEN A DOG OWNER 267 00:17:15,901 --> 00:17:20,239 FOR MANY YEARS, AND I HAVE A LOT OF QUESTIONS. 268 00:17:20,305 --> 00:17:23,442 FIRST OF ALL, QUEST TO PICK UP DOG CRAP? 269 00:17:23,509 --> 00:17:27,079 ARE YOU THROWING YOURS INTO MOUNT DOOM? 270 00:17:27,146 --> 00:17:29,848 SECOND, THAT'S THE WORST THING YOU'VE EVER PUT IN YOUR MOUTH? 271 00:17:29,915 --> 00:17:35,120 SO YOU'VE NEVER BEEN TO WHITE CASTLE? 272 00:17:35,187 --> 00:17:40,025 ( LAUGHTER ) WE'LL TALK ABOUT THIS LATER, 273 00:17:40,092 --> 00:17:42,227 PATRICK. MEANWHILE, A BROOKLYN BONE 274 00:17:42,294 --> 00:17:44,563 COLLECTOR HAS OVER 200 SKELETONS, SPINES, AND SKULLS IN 275 00:17:44,630 --> 00:17:47,966 HIS HOME. THAT'S INSANE. 276 00:17:48,033 --> 00:17:54,473 THERE ARE APARTMENTS IN BROOKLYN BIG ENOUGH FOR 200 SKELETONS? 277 00:17:54,540 --> 00:17:55,374 # ( LAUGHTER ) 278 00:17:55,441 --> 00:17:56,542 ( LAUGHTER ) YOU COULD OPEN THE FRONT DOOR 279 00:17:56,608 --> 00:18:00,512 FROM THE TOILET! ACCORDING TO THE BONE MAN, HIS 280 00:18:00,579 --> 00:18:03,081 WORK IS ENTIRELY ABOVE-BOARD. TELLING REPORTERS 281 00:18:03,148 --> 00:18:08,554 I ONLY WORK WITH MEDICAL BONES, WHICH IS WHAT DOCTORS AND 282 00:18:08,620 --> 00:18:11,089 OSTEOLOGISTS USE FOR STUDYING. MOST OF THE BONES I ACQUIRE ARE 283 00:18:11,156 --> 00:18:14,560 PASSED DOWN FROM DOCTORS OR MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS. 284 00:18:14,626 --> 00:18:19,198 MOST OF THE BONES? ( LAUGHTER ) 285 00:18:19,264 --> 00:18:20,666 THAT'S NOT COMFORTING. OH YOU KNOW, MOST ARE FROM 286 00:18:20,732 --> 00:18:22,668 DOCTORS. THE OTHERS ARE FROM REPORTERS 287 00:18:22,734 --> 00:18:25,103 WHO ASKED TOO MANY QUESTIONS ABOUT WHERE ALL MY BONES COME 288 00:18:25,170 --> 00:18:26,538 FROM. WANT SOME TEA IN MY SOUNDPROOF 289 00:18:26,605 --> 00:18:34,313 CLOSET? ( LAUGHTER ) 290 00:18:34,379 --> 00:18:36,548 MEANWHILE, THE IDAHO POTATO COMMISSION HAS LAUNCHED A 291 00:18:36,615 --> 00:18:38,550 LIMITED-EDITION FRENCH FRY SCENTED PERFUME. 292 00:18:38,617 --> 00:18:43,055 PERFECT FOR ANYONE WHO'S THOUGHT, I WISH MORE PEOPLE 293 00:18:43,121 --> 00:18:44,523 THOUGHT I WORKED AT WENDY'S. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 294 00:18:44,590 --> 00:18:45,457 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 295 00:19:04,843 --> 00:19:09,448 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )( BAND P) >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 296 00:19:09,515 --> 00:19:12,584 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW." 297 00:19:12,651 --> 00:19:15,988 MY FIRST GUEST IS CBS NEWS' CHIEF FOREIGN 298 00:19:16,054 --> 00:19:19,591 AFFAIRS CORRESPONDENT AND MODERATOR OF "FACE THE NATION 299 00:19:19,658 --> 00:19:21,460 WITH MARGARET BRENNAN." PLEASE WELCOME 300 00:19:21,527 --> 00:19:25,264 MARGARET BRENNAN! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 301 00:19:25,330 --> 00:19:40,212 ( BAND PLAYING ) 302 00:19:40,279 --> 00:19:41,480 ( BAND PLAYING ) 303 00:19:41,547 --> 00:19:44,550 >> Stephen: HI, MARGARET BRENNAN. 304 00:19:44,616 --> 00:19:45,884 >> HI, HOW ARE YOU? >> Stephen: I'M GOOD. 305 00:19:45,951 --> 00:19:50,222 BESIDES BEING THE HOST OF "FACE THE NATION" WITH MARGARET 306 00:19:50,289 --> 00:19:51,356 BRENNAN, YOU ARE CBS'S CHIEF FOREIGN AFFAIRS CORRESPONDENT, 307 00:19:51,423 --> 00:19:53,592 AND WE HAVE FOREIGN AFFAIRS GOING ON OVER IN UKRAINE. 308 00:19:53,659 --> 00:19:56,161 >> WE DO. >> Stephen: DOES ANYONE KNOW 309 00:19:56,228 --> 00:19:58,997 WHAT'S GOING ON? WE WERE PROMISED THERE WOULD BE 310 00:19:59,064 --> 00:20:02,501 AN INVASION ON FEBRUARY 16. THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN. 311 00:20:02,568 --> 00:20:05,170 BIDEN IS SAYING ANY DAY NOW. WHAT'S GOING ON? 312 00:20:05,237 --> 00:20:07,506 DO YOU HAVE ANY SENSE FROM YOUR GUESTS WHAT'S GOING ON? 313 00:20:07,573 --> 00:20:10,309 >> I CAN TELL YOU ON THE TIME LINE, ALL THE BELLS INTELLIGENCE 314 00:20:10,375 --> 00:20:13,712 SERVICES IN THE WORLD ARE TRYING TO NAIL THIS DOWN AND GET INSIDE 315 00:20:13,779 --> 00:20:16,715 VLADIMIR PUTIN'S HEAD, WHAT THEY KNOW AND WHAT WESTERN 316 00:20:16,782 --> 00:20:20,118 INTELLIGENCE SERVICES KNEW IS THEY WERE TOLD TO GO BY THE 317 00:20:20,185 --> 00:20:22,788 16th TO BE READY FOR AN INVASION. 318 00:20:22,854 --> 00:20:24,256 THAT'S WHAT THE MILITARY WAS TOLD. 319 00:20:24,323 --> 00:20:27,125 BUT NOW ACCORDING TO MY SOURCES WITHIN THE NEXT FOUR TO FIVE 320 00:20:27,192 --> 00:20:30,228 DAYS IS WHEN THEY MAY START THE SECOND HALF OF WHAT APPEARS TO 321 00:20:30,295 --> 00:20:34,366 BE A MILITARY ATTACK THAT THEY ALREADY BE UNDERWAY. 322 00:20:34,433 --> 00:20:37,536 >> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU MEAN MIGHT ALREADY BE UNDERWAY? 323 00:20:37,603 --> 00:20:39,571 WOULDN'T WE KNOW IF IT WAS ALREADY UNDERWAY BECAUSE WE 324 00:20:39,638 --> 00:20:46,278 WOULD SEE THE ATTACK? >> IF YOU THINK OF THIS IN TERMS 325 00:20:46,345 --> 00:20:51,750 OF 1941 TANKS ROLLING ACROSS THE BORDER THAT IS UNMISTAKABLE 326 00:20:51,817 --> 00:20:54,886 ABSOLUTELY YES. BUT IN TERMS OF WHAT THE BIDEN 327 00:20:54,953 --> 00:20:57,389 ADMINISTRATION IS DESCRIBING IS SORT OF THIS PHASE ONE OF 328 00:20:57,456 --> 00:21:00,826 CYBERATTACKS, OF DISINFORMATION, OF STAGING AN INCIDENT IN THE 329 00:21:00,892 --> 00:21:04,229 EASTERN PART OF THE COUNTRY AND, TODAY, YOU HEARD THAT FROM 330 00:21:04,296 --> 00:21:07,566 SECRETARY BLINKEN AT THE UNITED NATIONS LAY OUT WHAT THEY ARE 331 00:21:07,633 --> 00:21:12,537 LOOKING FOR IN TERMS OF A PREDICATE FOR AN INVASION. 332 00:21:12,604 --> 00:21:15,907 IT COULD BE A CHEMICAL WEAPONS ATTACK, A FALSE TERRORIST 333 00:21:15,974 --> 00:21:21,146 ATTACK, AN ACTUAL ATTACK BUT STAGED BY THE RUNNINGS AGAINST 334 00:21:21,213 --> 00:21:24,950 THEIR OWN PEOPLE, SOMETHING TO ALLOW VLADIMIR PUTIN TO SAY I 335 00:21:25,017 --> 00:21:27,619 HAD TO CHOICE, I HAVE TO ATTACK. >> Stephen: BY HIS OWN PEOPLE, 336 00:21:27,686 --> 00:21:32,224 DO THEY MEAN PEOPLE INSIDE OF RUSSIA, OR ETHNICALLY PEOPLE IN 337 00:21:32,290 --> 00:21:36,595 DUNN BASS IN EASTERN UKRAINE. >> BOTH SCENARIOS LAID OUT BY 338 00:21:36,662 --> 00:21:40,065 THE SECRETARY OF STATE TODAY. SO, IN THE DONBAS AREA 339 00:21:40,132 --> 00:21:42,868 SOUTHEASTERN PART OF UKRAINE, THERE'S BEEN FIGHTING THERE FOR 340 00:21:42,934 --> 00:21:46,238 THE PAST EIGHT YEARS. REMEMBER, VLADIMIR PUTIN BACK IN 341 00:21:46,304 --> 00:21:48,206 2014 DID GO IN AND SEIZE TERRITORY. 342 00:21:48,273 --> 00:21:51,777 HE HAS ALREADY DONE THIS. HE HAS TAKEN CRIMEA, HE HAS HAD 343 00:21:51,843 --> 00:21:54,780 THESE AREAS IN THE SOUTHEAST, IN THE DONBAS WHERE -- 344 00:21:54,846 --> 00:22:00,419 >> Stephen: AND THIS IS WHERE 14,000 PEOPLE HAVE DIED IN THE 345 00:22:00,485 --> 00:22:02,854 WAR SO FAR. >> ACTUAL FIGHTING, ABSOLUTELY. 346 00:22:02,921 --> 00:22:07,325 IN THESE BREAKAWAY REPUBLICS, THAT IS WHERE THE WORLD IS 347 00:22:07,392 --> 00:22:09,995 FOCUSED NOW BECAUSE YOU HAD SHELLING TODAY. 348 00:22:10,062 --> 00:22:12,297 A KINDERGARTEN, YOU PROBABLY SAW THE IMAGES OF THAT. 349 00:22:12,364 --> 00:22:16,001 A DRUM BEAT IS BUILDING. SOMETHING THAT WOULD ALLOW FOR 350 00:22:16,068 --> 00:22:18,704 THE JUSTIFICATION BY VACCINE PASSPORT TO DO SOMETHING, AND 351 00:22:18,770 --> 00:22:21,440 THERE'S A SLIVER OF A CHANCE OF DIPLOMACY, AND THE WORLD IS 352 00:22:21,506 --> 00:22:25,043 GRABBING AT IT TRYING TO TALK HIM OUT OF IT. 353 00:22:25,110 --> 00:22:32,851 >> Stephen: SO PUTIN, AND I THINK MAYBE LAVROV, HIS FOREIGN 354 00:22:32,918 --> 00:22:38,323 MINISTER SAID, NO, WE'RE PULLING OUT, OR THEY ALLOWED CAMERAS IN 355 00:22:38,390 --> 00:22:41,059 WHILE LAVROV IS REPORTING TO PUTIN THE TROOPS ARE GOING BACK 356 00:22:41,126 --> 00:22:43,495 TO THE BARRACKS, THIS IMPLICATION THEY'RE PULLING BACK 357 00:22:43,562 --> 00:22:46,665 FROM THE FRONT. BUT WE HAVE SATELLITE IMAGERY 358 00:22:46,732 --> 00:22:52,304 THEY'RE GOING, BRIDGES BUILT ACROSS RIVERS SO TANKS CAN GO 359 00:22:52,370 --> 00:22:54,573 ACROSS. IS THIS INFORMATION FOR THEIR 360 00:22:54,639 --> 00:22:57,843 OWN DOMESTIC CONSUMPTION? THEY HAVE TO KNOW WE HAVE 361 00:22:57,909 --> 00:23:00,545 SATELLITES, THEY INVENTED THEM. ( LAUGHTER ) 362 00:23:00,612 --> 00:23:03,415 >> MORE THAN 60% TO HAVE THE RUSSIAN ARMY IS ON HIGH ALERT 363 00:23:03,482 --> 00:23:06,952 POISED AT UKRAINE'S BORDER. THEY HAVE MOVED IN FIELD 364 00:23:07,018 --> 00:23:11,289 HOSPITALS AND BLOOD SUPPLIES. SO THOSE ARE THE KIND OF 365 00:23:11,356 --> 00:23:15,861 INDICATORS THAT SAY MAYBE THIS ISN'T JUST AN EXERCISE AND 366 00:23:15,927 --> 00:23:19,331 SUNDAY THE 20th IS THE DATE THE EXERCISES ARE SCHEDULED TO 367 00:23:19,397 --> 00:23:20,732 END. SO THAT'S A HARD DATE ON THE 368 00:23:20,799 --> 00:23:23,702 CALENDAR TO TEST THE PREMISE WHETHER VLADIMIR PUTIN'S CLAIM 369 00:23:23,769 --> 00:23:26,671 THAT THIS IS ALL JUST AN EXERCISE IS FOR REAL. 370 00:23:26,738 --> 00:23:30,809 BUT IT DEFINITELY, FOR ALL THE PEOPLE I TALK TO IN THE 371 00:23:30,876 --> 00:23:33,612 INTELLIGENCE WORLD SAY THIS IS ONLY BUILDING, THIS IS ONLY 372 00:23:33,678 --> 00:23:36,381 ESCALATING. AND THE FEAR HERE AND THE REASON 373 00:23:36,448 --> 00:23:39,384 THAT THIS IS SUCH A FOCAL POINT IS THAT IT'S NOT JUST A STORY 374 00:23:39,451 --> 00:23:42,320 ABOUT UKRAINE, ALTHOUGH OBVIOUSLY ANY LOSS OF LIFE 375 00:23:42,387 --> 00:23:47,058 THERE, I MEAN, THE ESTIMATES, YOU COULD HAVE UP TO 100,000 376 00:23:47,125 --> 00:23:49,528 DEAD IN CASUALTIES, THE FEAR IS IT DOESN'T STOP THERE, THAT THIS 377 00:23:49,594 --> 00:23:55,433 IS A TEST OF WILLS AND THE TEST OF WHETHER THE WEST REALLY WILL, 378 00:23:55,500 --> 00:23:58,837 THIS TIME, SAY TO VLADIMIR PUTIN, NO, YOU CAN'T GO ANY 379 00:23:58,904 --> 00:24:07,212 FURTHER BECAUSE, IN 2014, HE TESTED THE WORLD, AND THEN 380 00:24:07,279 --> 00:24:10,048 VICE PRESIDENT BIDEN AND PRESIDENT OBAMA SANCTIONED HIM 381 00:24:10,115 --> 00:24:13,652 AND IT OBVIOUSLY DIDN'T DISSUADE HIM FROM TRYING AGAIN. 382 00:24:13,718 --> 00:24:18,089 >> Stephen: WE'LL TAKE A QUICK BREAK AND COME BACK AND I'LL ASK 383 00:24:18,156 --> 00:24:20,192 MARGARET ABOUT UKRAINE AND THE POSSIBILITY OF JOINING N.A.T.O. 384 00:24:20,258 --> 00:24:20,826 STICK AROUND. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 385 00:24:31,069 --> 00:24:33,405 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WE'RE BACK HERE WITH A HOST OF 386 00:24:33,471 --> 00:24:34,973 "FACE THE NATION" WITH MARGARET BRENNAN. 387 00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:38,944 MARGARET BRENNAN, THERE'S A LOT OF TALK ABOUT INCREASED 388 00:24:39,010 --> 00:24:42,647 SANCTIONS, AND I DON'T ENTIRELY UNDERSTAND WHAT THOSE INCREASED 389 00:24:42,714 --> 00:24:46,351 SANCTIONS WOULD BE, BUT THERE IS A LOT OF TALK ABOUT THESE WOULD 390 00:24:46,418 --> 00:24:50,055 TRULY BE PUNISHING, THESE WOULD BE A WHOLE OTHER LEVEL OF 391 00:24:50,121 --> 00:24:51,923 SANCTIONS. WHAT WOULD WE DO TO HIM? 392 00:24:51,990 --> 00:24:55,694 WOULD WE CUT OFF RUSSIA ENTIRELY FROM ANY INTERNATIONAL BANKING? 393 00:24:55,760 --> 00:25:01,766 WILL WE CUT OFF THEIR ABILITY TO SELL OIL? 394 00:25:01,833 --> 00:25:06,238 WHAT HAVE YOU HEARD IS THE NEUTRON BOMB. 395 00:25:06,304 --> 00:25:07,405 >> THE SLEDGEHAMMER. >> Stephen: WHAT ARE THEY 396 00:25:07,472 --> 00:25:09,941 TALKING ABOUT? >> FINANCIAL WAR IS WHAT THE 397 00:25:10,008 --> 00:25:11,877 WEST AND THE PRESIDENT BIDEN IS WILLING TO DO. 398 00:25:11,943 --> 00:25:15,914 HE IS NOT WILLING TO SEND IN COMBAT TROOPS TO DEFEND UKRAINE, 399 00:25:15,981 --> 00:25:22,187 THOUGH HE SAYS HE'LL SEND THEM INTO THE 30 COUNTRIES TO THE 400 00:25:22,254 --> 00:25:24,890 BORDER. IF PRESIDENT PUTIN PUSHES 401 00:25:24,956 --> 00:25:32,998 FARTHER, CLOSER TO N.A.T.O., WEE ARE IN A HIGH RISK CATEGORY. 402 00:25:33,064 --> 00:25:36,735 IT'S NOT CLEAR WHAT WOULD TRICKER THE SANCTIONS, BUT IF 403 00:25:36,801 --> 00:25:39,771 IT'S OVERT, IT WOULD BE CUTTING OFF VLADIMIR PUTIN'S TO THE 404 00:25:39,838 --> 00:25:44,876 DOLLAR TO TRY TO FREEZE TRANSACTIONS, IT WOULD BE 405 00:25:44,943 --> 00:25:49,047 CUTTING OFF KEY BITS OF TECHNOLOGY, EXPORTS, IMPORTS, 406 00:25:49,114 --> 00:25:51,316 THINGS IMPORTANT TO HIS INDUSTRIES. 407 00:25:51,383 --> 00:25:55,287 THE POINT THEY THINK THEY CAN SQUEEZE HIM IS HURTING THEOLOGY 408 00:25:55,353 --> 00:25:57,789 GARKS, THOSE AROUND HIM. NOT NECESSARILY VLADIMIR PUTIN 409 00:25:57,856 --> 00:26:00,659 HIMSELF BUT ALL THE GUYS WHO HAVE MONEY PARKED IN LONDON, 410 00:26:00,725 --> 00:26:05,363 GERMANY AND ASSETS ALL AROUND THE WORLD, CAN THEY FREEZE THOSE 411 00:26:05,430 --> 00:26:08,033 AN PUT THE SQUEEZE ON VLADIMIR PUTIN THAT WAY? 412 00:26:08,099 --> 00:26:11,469 THAT'S WHAT'S BEING LOOKED AT RIGHT NOW. 413 00:26:11,536 --> 00:26:14,739 BUT YOU HAVE VLADIMIR PUTIN FLY TO BEIJING LIKE HE DID A FEW 414 00:26:14,806 --> 00:26:18,376 WEEKS AGO, STAND NEXT TO THE PRESIDENT OF CHINA AND SAY THIS 415 00:26:18,443 --> 00:26:21,646 IS A NEW ERA AND WE HAVE AN ALLIANCE AND TRY TO CHALLENGE 416 00:26:21,713 --> 00:26:24,916 THE IDEA THAT THE WEST CAN CONTROL HIM, THOUGH THE BIDEN 417 00:26:24,983 --> 00:26:27,585 ADMINISTRATION WOULD SAY, YOU KNOW, THE U.S. DOLLAR IS STILL 418 00:26:27,652 --> 00:26:36,194 SO DOMINANT THAT HE CAN'T POSSIBLY BE REPLACED OR BE 419 00:26:36,261 --> 00:26:39,965 REPLACED BY BEIJING. >> Stephen: UKRAINE SUFFERED 420 00:26:40,031 --> 00:26:43,368 ITS LARGEST EVER CYBERATTACK THIS WEEK AND, YOU KNOW, NO ONE 421 00:26:43,435 --> 00:26:48,039 IS, YOU KNOW, CERTAIN THAT IT'S RUSSIA BUT EVERYONE IS 422 00:26:48,106 --> 00:26:50,976 ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN THAT IT'S RUSSIA. 423 00:26:51,042 --> 00:26:53,278 ( LAUGHTER ) BLINKEN SAID, ON YOUR SHOW, 424 00:26:53,345 --> 00:26:56,581 THREE WEEKS AGO, THAT IF RUSSIA EXECUTED A CYBERATTACK, THERE 425 00:26:56,648 --> 00:26:59,851 WOULD BE A SWIFT AND UNITED RESPONSE FROM THE U.S. AND 426 00:26:59,918 --> 00:27:01,853 EUROPE. >> IT RUEING. 427 00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:07,225 RIGHT.>> Stephen: HAS ANYONE INE ADMINISTRATION SAID THERE WOULD 428 00:27:07,292 --> 00:27:10,128 BE A RESPONSE TO THE LATEST LATT CYBERATTACK? 429 00:27:10,195 --> 00:27:12,530 >> IF YOU DON'T ATTRIBUTE IT, YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING 430 00:27:12,597 --> 00:27:14,265 ABOUT IT FOR A LITTLE BIT OF TIME. 431 00:27:14,332 --> 00:27:15,667 >> Stephen: THAT'S INTERESTING. 432 00:27:15,734 --> 00:27:19,204 >> ONCE YOU DO, THEN YOU GET PEOPLE LIKE ME SAYING, OKAY, YOU 433 00:27:19,270 --> 00:27:22,374 ATTRIBUTED IT, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT? 434 00:27:22,440 --> 00:27:24,576 THERE'S A LITTLE WIGGLE ROOM HERE. 435 00:27:24,642 --> 00:27:27,712 THE BIDEN ADMINISTRATION, THE GREAT POWERS, THE GERMAN 436 00:27:27,779 --> 00:27:31,082 CHANCELLOR WAS FLYING BACK AND FORTH TO MOSCOW, THE PRESIDENT. 437 00:27:31,149 --> 00:27:34,352 THEY'RE TRYING TO FIND ANY WINDOW OF DIPLOMACY. 438 00:27:34,419 --> 00:27:39,524 THE SECRETARY SAILED I'M ON THE PLANE TO MEET LAVROV. 439 00:27:39,591 --> 00:27:45,397 IPRESIDENT BIDEN SAID IF YOU GO AFTER OUR COMPANIES, YOU WILL 440 00:27:45,463 --> 00:27:48,967 PAY THE PRICE BECAUSE WHAT RUSSIA HAS DONE IS USED UKRAINE 441 00:27:49,034 --> 00:27:51,736 AS A TEST CASE FOR CYBERATTACKS IN THE PAST. 442 00:27:51,803 --> 00:27:56,975 OF COURSE, THEY'D DENY THIS, BUT IN 2017, YOU HAD A DEVASTATING 443 00:27:57,042 --> 00:28:00,045 CYBER ATTACK THAT RULED OUT IN GLOBAL IMPACT. 444 00:28:00,111 --> 00:28:04,149 SO, AS YOU KNOW, EVERYTHING'S CONNECTED THESE DAYS AND 445 00:28:04,215 --> 00:28:06,751 ATTACKING UKRAINE DOESN'T NECESSARILY STAY IN THE COMPUTER 446 00:28:06,818 --> 00:28:09,220 SYSTEMS IN UKRAINE. >> Stephen: LET ME THROW OUT 447 00:28:09,287 --> 00:28:12,957 AN IDEA HERE, AND I'M NOT TRYING TO ADVICE VLADIMIR PUTIN TO DO 448 00:28:13,024 --> 00:28:19,497 OR NOT DO ANYTHING, EVEN THOUGH I'M SURE HE'S WATCHING RIGHT 449 00:28:19,564 --> 00:28:22,100 NOW. BIG FAN. 450 00:28:22,167 --> 00:28:23,735 ( LAUGHTER ) >> OPEN INVITATION TO SUNDAY'S 451 00:28:23,802 --> 00:28:25,837 PROGRAM. >> Stephen: STILL HAVE A SLOT? 452 00:28:25,904 --> 00:28:28,373 YOU KNOW, I THINK I COULD MAKE TIME. 453 00:28:28,440 --> 00:28:29,808 I THINK I COULD. ( LAUGHTER ) 454 00:28:29,874 --> 00:28:32,744 >> Stephen: PUTIN SEEMS OBSESSED WITH UKRAINE, BESIDES 455 00:28:32,811 --> 00:28:38,149 WANTING TO RESTORE THE OLD SOVIET SATELLITE STATES, THE 456 00:28:38,216 --> 00:28:41,820 EMPIRE, THE SOVIET UNION BUT ALSO BECAUSE HE FEELS THREATENED 457 00:28:41,886 --> 00:28:46,391 BY N.A.T.O. AND UKRAINE ENDS UP BEING A BUFFER AND ONE OF THINK 458 00:28:46,458 --> 00:28:50,862 THOUGHTS, UNLESS I'M WRONG, IS HE'LL PULL OUT IF THE U.S. 459 00:28:50,929 --> 00:28:54,365 DEFINITELY SAYS WE'LL NEVER INCLUDE UKRAINE IN N.A.T.O. 460 00:28:54,432 --> 00:28:57,836 BUT DOES HE HAVE TO GO IN NOW AND TAKE OVER UKRAINE BECAUSE 461 00:28:57,902 --> 00:29:02,740 BASED ON THIS LEVEL OF THREAT THE MINUTE HE PULLS AWAY ISN'T 462 00:29:02,807 --> 00:29:09,247 UKRAINE GOING TO SAY OKAY WE'LL JOIN N.A.T.O. BECAUSE THE REASON 463 00:29:09,314 --> 00:29:14,085 WHICH CAN'T FULLY DEFEND UKRAINE IS BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT A MEMBER 464 00:29:14,152 --> 00:29:17,021 OF N.A.T.O. SO HE HAS TO CRUSH THEM. 465 00:29:17,088 --> 00:29:21,759 JUST GAMING IT OUT. >> Stehen: WE DID INVITE THEM 466 00:29:21,826 --> 00:29:24,229 BACK IN 2008, AND UKRAINE ISN'T THERE YET. 467 00:29:24,295 --> 00:29:29,434 PRESIDENT BIDEN SAID THEY'RE NOT GOING TO JOIN ANYTIME SOON 468 00:29:29,501 --> 00:29:32,103 BECAUSE THEY CAN'T MEET THE STANDARD BY WHICH THEY COULD BE 469 00:29:32,170 --> 00:29:33,771 N.A.T.O. MEMBERS. BUT THE UNITED STATES IS NOT 470 00:29:33,838 --> 00:29:36,541 WILLING TO PULL BACK THAT INVITATION. 471 00:29:36,608 --> 00:29:38,943 IT'S LIKE THEY'RE HANGING OUT THERE, HOPING TO MAKE IT IN, 472 00:29:39,010 --> 00:29:42,313 THEY'RE A PARTNER, NOT FULLY A MEMBER. 473 00:29:42,380 --> 00:29:45,850 LONG STORY SHORT, THIS IS ONE TO HAVE THE REASONS THE WEST SAYS 474 00:29:45,917 --> 00:29:50,188 WHAT VLADIMIR PUTIN IS DEMANDING IS THIS JUST MAXIMALIST POSITION 475 00:29:50,255 --> 00:29:52,991 THAT THEY CAN'T RESPOND TO, BUT, ALSO, DO YOU BELIEVE THAT THE 476 00:29:53,057 --> 00:29:57,228 REALLY WHATTETH ABOUT? >> NOW, BEFORE YOU GO, YOUR NEW 477 00:29:57,295 --> 00:30:05,036 SHOW, NEW TITLE IN SEPTEMBER, IT WENT FROM ""FACE THE NATION"" TO 478 00:30:05,103 --> 00:30:08,706 "FACE THE NATION ARE MARGARET BRENNAN." 479 00:30:08,773 --> 00:30:16,080 ARE YOU DRUNK WITH THE POWER OF THE WORD "WITH." 480 00:30:16,147 --> 00:30:23,621 >> YOU'RE A WITH . >> Stephen: I JUST CALL IT 481 00:30:23,688 --> 00:30:28,793 "THE "LATE SHOW" WITH." >> I HEAR YOU CALL IT "THE 482 00:30:28,860 --> 00:30:32,964 NATION FACE." >> Stephen: I CALL YOU "THE 483 00:30:33,031 --> 00:30:35,466 NATION FACE." OUR NATION COULD HAVE A WORSE 484 00:30:35,533 --> 00:30:36,935 FACE. >> WE COULD TALK TO CBS ABOUT 485 00:30:37,001 --> 00:30:41,139 THE BRANDING. >> Stephen: YOU MEAN 486 00:30:41,206 --> 00:30:42,340 PARAMOUNT? >> YES. 487 00:30:42,407 --> 00:30:46,377 >> Stephen: ARE YOU EXCITED WE ALL WORK FOR PARAMOUNT NOW? 488 00:30:46,444 --> 00:30:47,111 >> YES. >> Stephen: ME, TOO. 489 00:30:47,178 --> 00:30:48,146 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 490 00:30:48,213 --> 00:30:54,118 GOOD TO SEE YOU. "FACE THE NATION" WITH MARGARET 491 00:30:54,185 --> 00:30:55,353 BRENNAN" AIRS SUNDAY MORNINGS AT 10:30 ON CBS. 492 00:30:55,420 --> 00:30:56,321 MARGARET BRENNAN, EVERYBODY! WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH STAR OF 493 00:30:56,387 --> 00:31:00,491 THE APPLE TV+ SHOW "SEVERANCE," ADAM SCOTT. 494 00:31:15,540 --> 00:31:17,041 >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY. 495 00:31:17,108 --> 00:31:18,643 MY NEXT GUEST IS AN ACTOR YOU KNOW FROM 496 00:31:18,710 --> 00:31:21,079 "PARKS AND RECREATION," "STEP BROTHERS," AND 497 00:31:21,145 --> 00:31:24,415 "PARTY DOWN." HE NOW STARS IN THE APPLE TV+ 498 00:31:24,482 --> 00:31:27,986 SHOW, "SEVERANCE." 499 00:31:28,052 --> 00:31:33,825 >> OKAY, MY NAME IS MARK, AND, UH, SO, I -- YOU KNOW, A FEW 500 00:31:33,891 --> 00:31:41,132 YEARS BACK I WOKE UP ON THIS TABLE IN THIS ROOM, AND, UH, A 501 00:31:41,199 --> 00:31:44,902 DISEMBODIED VOICE ASKED ME 19 TIMES WHO I WAS. 502 00:31:44,969 --> 00:31:51,109 AND WHEN I REALIZED I COULDN'T ANSWER, I TOLD THAT VOICE I 503 00:31:51,175 --> 00:31:57,382 WOULD FIND HIM AND KILL HIM. I DON'T KNOW WHY I SAID THAT. 504 00:31:57,448 --> 00:32:03,154 I WAS SCARED, TOO. >> DID YOU KILL THE VOICE? 505 00:32:03,221 --> 00:32:05,890 NO. 506 00:32:05,957 --> 00:32:08,059 >> STEPHEN: PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," ADAM SCOTT! 507 00:32:08,126 --> 00:32:19,003 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING ) 508 00:32:19,070 --> 00:32:22,473 >> Stephen: THANK YOU. OH, YEAH, I MADE IT OUT HERE 509 00:32:22,540 --> 00:32:29,314 IN RECORD TIME. THIS FEELS LIKE A MASSIVE AMOUNT 510 00:32:29,380 --> 00:32:31,849 OF PEOPLE. >> Stephen: IS IT NICE? 511 00:32:31,916 --> 00:32:34,218 VERY NICE. >> Stephen: THIS IS LOVELY. 512 00:32:34,285 --> 00:32:36,988 YES. >> Stephen: THIS IS 420 513 00:32:37,055 --> 00:32:37,588 PEOPLE. >> 420. 514 00:32:37,655 --> 00:32:42,093 >> Stephen: 420. YEAH. 515 00:32:42,160 --> 00:32:43,995 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YOU ARRANGED THAT, RIGHT? 516 00:32:44,062 --> 00:32:45,630 >> Stephen: I DID. RIGHT. 517 00:32:45,697 --> 00:32:52,437 >> Stephen: THE STAR OF THE NEW SHOW "SEVERANCE," EXPLAIN TO 518 00:32:52,503 --> 00:32:54,739 THE PEOPLE WHAT THIS IS. I WOULD. 519 00:32:54,806 --> 00:32:57,642 MIND HAVING THIS CONCEPT. >> I THINK WE ALL WOULD. 520 00:32:57,709 --> 00:33:01,012 THE SHOW IS ABOUT A WORLD IN WHICH YOU CAN GET A PROCEDURE 521 00:33:01,079 --> 00:33:06,317 DONE WHERE YOU GET A CHIP IMPLANTED IN YOUR BRAIN BY WHICH 522 00:33:06,384 --> 00:33:10,321 YOU GO TO WORK, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHO YOU ARE IN THE OUTSIDE 523 00:33:10,388 --> 00:33:14,659 WORLD, THEN WHEN YOU GO HOME YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOUR JOB IS, 524 00:33:14,726 --> 00:33:18,696 SO YOU HAVE THESE TWO SEPARATE EXISTENCES, AND NEITHER THE 525 00:33:18,763 --> 00:33:20,865 TWAIN SHALL MEET. >> Stephen: THAT'S KIND OF 526 00:33:20,932 --> 00:33:24,769 GREAT BECAUSE IT SOLVES THE WORK LIFE BALANCE PROBLEM. 527 00:33:24,836 --> 00:33:26,771 >> 100%. >> Stephen: BY ONLY HAVING ONE 528 00:33:26,838 --> 00:33:28,539 OF THE LIVES AT A TIME. >> THAT'S RIGHT. 529 00:33:28,606 --> 00:33:31,342 >> Stephen: THERE'S SOMETHING APPEALING ABOUT THAT. 530 00:33:31,409 --> 00:33:36,180 I'M TERRIBLE AT THE WORK LIFE BALANCE. 531 00:33:36,247 --> 00:33:37,115 >> RIGHT. >> Stephen: WHERE DO YOU RATE 532 00:33:37,181 --> 00:33:38,082 YOUR ABILITY TO DEAL WITH WORK LIFE BALANCE? 533 00:33:38,149 --> 00:33:39,684 >> ONE TO TEN. >> Stephen: ONE TO TEN, YEAH. 534 00:33:39,751 --> 00:33:43,855 OAI DON'T KNOW, ONE? >> Stephen: REALLY? 535 00:33:43,921 --> 00:33:55,833 EVERYTHING IS ONE THING NOW. IT'S ALWAYS LIKE IF I NEEDED TO 536 00:33:55,900 --> 00:33:59,370 REALLY GET AWAY, I WOULD HAVE TO SET MY PHONE ON FIRE. 537 00:33:59,437 --> 00:34:01,672 ( LAUGHTER ) AND PUT IT IN A DRAWER WHILE 538 00:34:01,739 --> 00:34:05,610 IT'S ON FIRE AND THAT'S THE ONLY WAY I WOULD BE ABLE TO SPEND 539 00:34:05,676 --> 00:34:07,812 QUALITY TIME. >> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE A LIFE 540 00:34:07,879 --> 00:34:10,114 OUTSIDE OF WORK? YOU'RE MARRIED, RIGHT? 541 00:34:10,181 --> 00:34:11,149 >> YES. >> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE KIDS. 542 00:34:11,215 --> 00:34:14,218 I HAVE TWO TEENAGERS. >> Stephen: TWO TEENAGERS. 543 00:34:14,285 --> 00:34:16,087 TWO TEENAGERS. >> Stephen: WOW, THAT'S A LOT 544 00:34:16,154 --> 00:34:18,923 OF WORK. >> IT'S A LOT OF WORK. 545 00:34:18,990 --> 00:34:22,994 IT'S A LOT OF WORK JUST GETTING THEIR ATTENTION IS WHAT I'VE 546 00:34:23,060 --> 00:34:24,695 FOUND. YOU HAVE TEENAGERS, YES? 547 00:34:24,762 --> 00:34:27,064 >> Stephen: I DID AT ONE POINT HAVE TEENAGERS. 548 00:34:27,131 --> 00:34:31,269 I NO LONGER HAVE TEENAGERS. SUCH IS THE WHEEL OF TIME. 549 00:34:31,335 --> 00:34:37,175 >> THAT'S HOW IT WORKS. >> Stephen: NOW I'M AN EMPTY 550 00:34:37,241 --> 00:34:38,910 NESTER. JUST YOU HOLD ON. 551 00:34:38,976 --> 00:34:41,612 HOW OLD ARE YOURS? >> 15 AND 13. 552 00:34:41,679 --> 00:34:46,651 >> Stephen: BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, 16 AND 14. 553 00:34:46,717 --> 00:34:49,220 AND THEN THAT'S JUST MATH. >> THAT HAPPENS? 554 00:34:49,287 --> 00:34:50,354 >> Stephen: IT DOES. ( LAUGHTER ) 555 00:34:50,421 --> 00:34:54,959 WAT DO YOU DO? LET'S SAY YOU'RE NEVER REALLY 556 00:34:55,026 --> 00:35:00,264 BALANCING WELL, BUT ON THE END OF A BUSY DAY, WHAT DO YOU DO TO 557 00:35:00,331 --> 00:35:05,603 UNWIND? >> WELL, OKAY, THIS IS NOT 558 00:35:05,670 --> 00:35:09,607 INTERESTING -- ( LAUGHTER ) 559 00:35:09,674 --> 00:35:12,510 READY? ( LAUGHTER ) 560 00:35:12,577 --> 00:35:17,615 THIS IS UNINTERESTING AND, I GUESS, BASIC, BUT THE iPad, 561 00:35:17,682 --> 00:35:20,885 RIGHT? >> Stephen: I'M FAMILIAR. 562 00:35:20,952 --> 00:35:24,489 OKAY. IF YOU TOLD 12-YEAR-OLD ME THAT 563 00:35:24,555 --> 00:35:28,693 I WOULD HAVE A RECTANGULAR DEVICE THAT'S LIKE HALF AN INCH 564 00:35:28,759 --> 00:35:31,362 THICK OR A QUARTER OF AN INCH, WHATEVER. 565 00:35:31,429 --> 00:35:35,700 >> Stephen: I WOULD SAY HALF AN INCH IS A REALLY OLD 566 00:35:35,766 --> 00:35:37,268 IPad. >> MINE'S FROM 2007. 567 00:35:37,335 --> 00:35:41,172 THAT'S FINE, RIGHT? WHERE, YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE ACCESS 568 00:35:41,239 --> 00:35:46,277 TO THE WORLD'S FILM AND TELEVISION LIBRARIES AT JUST A 569 00:35:46,344 --> 00:35:48,179 FEW TOUCHES. THAT'S HOW IT WORKS? 570 00:35:48,246 --> 00:35:53,150 I WOULD HAVE ( BLEEP ) MY PANS AND RUN OUT OF THE ROOM. 571 00:35:53,217 --> 00:35:56,687 NOW, I'M STILL JUST ENAMOURED WITH IT. 572 00:35:56,754 --> 00:36:03,394 >> Stephen: IT'S PRETTY GREAT. I UNWIND, PUT IT ON MY CHEST 573 00:36:03,461 --> 00:36:06,097 AND WATCH SEVEN MINUTES OF SOMETHING ON IT TO FALL ASLEEP. 574 00:36:06,163 --> 00:36:08,933 IF YOU HAVE GOOD HEADPHONES, IT'S A CINEMATIC EXPERIENCE. 575 00:36:09,000 --> 00:36:11,802 >> Stephen: BUT THEN YOU ROLL OVER ON THEM IN THE MIDDLE OF 576 00:36:11,869 --> 00:36:15,239 THE NIGHT IN AGONY. >> TRULY MY WIFE EVERY MORNING 577 00:36:15,306 --> 00:36:20,244 IS LIKE, JEEZ, BECAUSE I'M THERE WITH MY GLASSES AND HEADPHONES 578 00:36:20,311 --> 00:36:22,947 AND THE iPad IS ON MY FACE. >> Stephen: DO YOU WEAR A 579 00:36:23,014 --> 00:36:24,015 MOUTH GUARD. >> I DO. 580 00:36:24,081 --> 00:36:26,918 >> Stephen: THAT'S A SEXY LOOK. 581 00:36:26,984 --> 00:36:28,486 >> THANK YOU. >> Stephen: YOU ARE REALLY 582 00:36:28,553 --> 00:36:31,022 PAINT AGO PICTURE THERE. >> THANKS. 583 00:36:31,088 --> 00:36:33,057 >> Stephen: YOU SHOT DURING COVID. 584 00:36:33,124 --> 00:36:36,160 >> WE DID. >> Stephen: LUCKY TO BE 585 00:36:36,227 --> 00:36:40,064 SHOOTING AT ALL DURING COVID. HOW DID THAT AFFECT THE 586 00:36:40,131 --> 00:36:41,933 EXPERIENCE? BECAUSE WE SHOT DURING COVID BUT 587 00:36:41,999 --> 00:36:48,272 THERE WAS NOBODY AROUND. IT WAS ME AND HIM AND HIM IN A 588 00:36:48,339 --> 00:36:52,643 ROOM UPSTAIRS. >> IT WAS PRE-VAX AND COVID SO. 589 00:36:52,710 --> 00:36:57,648 >> Stephen: TOUCHY. YEAH, COVID CLASSIC. 590 00:36:57,715 --> 00:37:01,252 ( LAUGHTER ) SO, YEAH, IT TOOK NINE MONTHS TO 591 00:37:01,319 --> 00:37:06,090 SHOOT THE SHOW. THE ACTORS GET TO GO WITHOUT 592 00:37:06,157 --> 00:37:09,594 MASKS, OBVIOUSLY, BUT THE CREW -- SO WE BONDED WITH 593 00:37:09,660 --> 00:37:13,331 EVERYONE BUT WE NEVER REALLY SAW THEIR FACES. 594 00:37:13,397 --> 00:37:17,768 AFTER SIX MONTHS I WOULD SEE SOMEONE IN THE PARKING LOT 595 00:37:17,835 --> 00:37:23,407 WITHOUT THEIR MASK AND IT WAS WEIRDLY INTIMATE, LIKE I WAS 596 00:37:23,474 --> 00:37:24,976 SEEING THEIR GENITALS OR SOMETHING. 597 00:37:25,042 --> 00:37:28,746 THERE'S LIKE A WET CAVE ON YOUR FACE. 598 00:37:28,813 --> 00:37:30,214 YEAH. ARE YOU GETTING IT? 599 00:37:30,281 --> 00:37:33,150 >> Stephen: I'M GETTING IT. WET CAVE... 600 00:37:33,217 --> 00:37:39,223 >> Stephen: DID ANYONE WAX THEIR FACES? 601 00:37:39,290 --> 00:37:41,592 >> WELL, I DON'T KNOW, STEPHEN. >> Stephen: OKAY. 602 00:37:41,659 --> 00:37:47,098 YOU'RE ALSO RE-LAUNCHING, REVISITING -- I'LL CALL IT A 603 00:37:47,164 --> 00:37:48,366 CULT CLASSIC. >> SURE. 604 00:37:48,432 --> 00:37:53,571 >> Stephen: BUT FOR THOSE WHO DO NOT KNOW EXPLAIN WHAT "PARTY 605 00:37:53,638 --> 00:37:59,910 DOWN" WAS AND IS. >> SURE, "PARTY DOWN" WAS A SHOW 606 00:37:59,977 --> 00:38:03,114 ON STARZ. WE ENDED -- FINISHED 12 YEARS 607 00:38:03,180 --> 00:38:08,786 AGO, AND OUR FINAL EPISODE HAD SOMETHING LIKE 13,000 VIEWERS. 608 00:38:08,853 --> 00:38:12,490 >> Stephen: WOW. O IT WAS NOT YET A CULT 609 00:38:12,556 --> 00:38:14,792 CLASSIC AT THE TIME. BUT PEOPLE HAVE DISCOVERED IT IN 610 00:38:14,859 --> 00:38:17,595 THE TIME SENSE, AND I THINK THAT'S PART OF WHAT MAKES IT 611 00:38:17,662 --> 00:38:23,634 SPECIAL TO PEOPLE IS THAT THEY HAD TO DIG IT UP AND FIND IT 612 00:38:23,701 --> 00:38:28,606 THEMSELVES, AND, SO, THEY FEEL SOME, LIKE, OWNERSHIP OVER IT, 613 00:38:28,673 --> 00:38:32,977 WHICH THEY SHOULD, BECAUSE WE HAVE NOW STARTED UP AGAIN AND 614 00:38:33,044 --> 00:38:36,947 REBOOTED BECAUSE OF THEM. >> Stephen: THERE YOU ARE. 615 00:38:37,014 --> 00:38:40,251 BACK IN THE PINK BOW TIE. IT'S A CATERING COMPANY. 616 00:38:40,317 --> 00:38:44,822 >> IT'S A SHOW ABOUT A CATERING COMPANY. 617 00:38:44,889 --> 00:38:47,291 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: WHAT'S IT LIKE 618 00:38:47,358 --> 00:38:51,562 AFTER A DECADE -- 12 YEARS? >> 12 YEARS. 619 00:38:51,629 --> 00:38:55,232 >> Stephen: 12 YEARS OF GETTING BACK INTO IT, IS IT EASY 620 00:38:55,299 --> 00:38:58,836 OR STRANGE? YOU'VE HAD THIS WHOLE OTHER 621 00:38:58,903 --> 00:39:01,138 CAREER SINCE THEN. >> IT'S REALLY STRANGE BUT 622 00:39:01,205 --> 00:39:02,873 WONDERFUL. IT'S ALMOST A CLICHE BECAUSE 623 00:39:02,940 --> 00:39:07,878 THERE ARE SO MANY REBOOTS OF SHOWS TO SAY YOU JUST FEEL LIKE 624 00:39:07,945 --> 00:39:12,683 YOU PICK UP WHERE YOU LEFT OFF. BUT IT REALLY DOES AND IT'S SO 625 00:39:12,750 --> 00:39:18,789 FUN BECAUSE WE HAVE JANE AND MEGAN AND KEN AND MARTIN STAR 626 00:39:18,856 --> 00:39:21,158 AND JENNIFER GARNER JOINED THE CAST THIS SEASON. 627 00:39:21,225 --> 00:39:25,196 SHE'S DOING AN INCREDIBLE JOB. IT'S REALLY REALLY FUN. 628 00:39:25,262 --> 00:39:28,132 YOU KNOW, WE ONLY GOT TWO SEASONS. 629 00:39:28,199 --> 00:39:32,136 SO THERE IS SOME UNFINISHED BUSINESS THERE, AND, SO, WE'RE 630 00:39:32,203 --> 00:39:35,139 GETTING TO JUST KIND OF FINISH THE STORY HERE. 631 00:39:35,206 --> 00:39:39,076 >> Stephen: IT COULD BE LIKE YOUR FIRST EPISODE COULD BEAT 632 00:39:39,143 --> 00:39:41,679 YOUR FINALE RIGHT OUT -- >> YOU THINK SO? 633 00:39:41,746 --> 00:39:45,116 >> Stephen: 13,000 PEOPLE. LET'S PUT SOME MONEY ON IT 634 00:39:45,182 --> 00:39:48,586 RIGHT NOW. >> Stephen: I BET YOU 20 BUCKS 635 00:39:48,652 --> 00:39:52,389 YOU BEAT YOUR FINALE. >> WELL, CAN WE BOTH BET FOR 636 00:39:52,456 --> 00:39:56,527 BEATING THE FINALE? THAT'S NOT HOW BETS WORK, 637 00:39:56,594 --> 00:39:57,394 THOUGH. >> Stephen: FINE. 638 00:39:57,461 --> 00:40:01,265 THERE YOU GO. >> Stephen: "SEVERANCE" 639 00:40:01,332 --> 00:40:02,633 APPEARS TOMORROW ON APPLE TV+. ADAM SCOTT, EVERYBODY. 640 00:40:02,700 --> 00:40:03,434 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 641 00:40:20,384 --> 00:40:21,118 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "THE 642 00:40:21,185 --> 00:40:21,986 LATE SHOW." JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT. 643 00:40:22,052 --> 00:40:22,353 GOODNIGHT. ( THEME SONG PLAYING )