1 00:00:01,201 --> 00:00:04,137 >> BUILD-A-BEAR JUST LAUNCHED AN AFTER DARK SERIES OF STUFFED 2 00:00:04,204 --> 00:00:05,338 BEARS FOR ADULTS. 3 00:00:05,405 --> 00:00:06,940 BUILD-A-BEAR AFTER DARK FEATURES BEARS CLEARLY TARGETING THE 4 00:00:07,006 --> 00:00:10,643 ADULT CROWD. 5 00:00:10,710 --> 00:00:14,781 THEY DO INCLUDE SEVERAL HOLDING WINE GLASSES AND BOTTLES AND 6 00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:15,782 VALENTINE'S DAY. 7 00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:18,485 ON ITS Facebook PAGE, BUILD-A-BEAR SAYS -- WINK, 8 00:00:18,551 --> 00:00:30,497 WINK -- OUR GIFT SHOP IS FULL OF GIFTS FOR ADULTS, TOO. 9 00:00:30,563 --> 00:00:32,432 >> THIS VALENTINE'S DAY, GET YOUR SPECIAL SOMEONE THE GIFT 10 00:00:32,499 --> 00:00:38,505 THAT WILL DEFILE THE INNOCENT MEMORIES OF THEIR CHILDHOOD. 11 00:00:38,571 --> 00:00:40,640 NEW FROM TY, IT'S BONE ME BABIES. 12 00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:45,145 ALL YOUR FAVORITE BEAN FILLED CREATURES NOW WITH REALISTIC 13 00:00:45,211 --> 00:00:47,347 GENITALIA. 14 00:00:47,414 --> 00:00:47,981 CHOOSE FROM THE -- A BOX OF CHOCOLATES IS TEMPORARY 15 00:00:55,922 --> 00:00:59,426 BUT THESE TOYS CAN NEVER BE UNSEEN. 16 00:00:59,492 --> 00:00:59,959 THERE'S -- IT'S THE PERFECT WAY TO SAY I 17 00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:11,004 LOVE YOU AND, ALSO, I HAVE A STUNTED SENSE OF HUMAN 18 00:01:11,070 --> 00:01:11,971 SEXUALITY. 19 00:01:17,544 --> 00:01:19,813 >> SO, THIS VALENTINE'S DAY DAY, GIVE HER THE GIFT SHE AND HER 20 00:01:19,879 --> 00:01:23,483 THERAPIST WILL BE TALKING ABOUT FOR YEARS TO COME. 21 00:01:23,550 --> 00:01:31,458 >> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW" WITH STEPHEN COLBERT! 22 00:01:31,524 --> 00:01:34,861 TONIGHT, MY HEART WILL GO ON TV. 23 00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:42,502 PLUS, STEPHEN WRIGHT, ALEX BORSTEIN, AND 24 00:01:42,569 --> 00:01:51,644 MUSICAL GUEST MAXWELL, FEATURING JON BATISTE AND "STAY HUMAN." 25 00:01:51,711 --> 00:01:57,550 AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK 26 00:01:57,617 --> 00:02:03,923 CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 27 00:02:03,990 --> 00:02:05,191 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY! 28 00:02:05,258 --> 00:02:18,505 THERE YOU GO! 29 00:02:18,571 --> 00:02:22,408 OH! 30 00:02:22,475 --> 00:02:26,179 THERE YOU GO. 31 00:02:26,246 --> 00:02:27,947 HEY! 32 00:02:28,014 --> 00:02:35,288 WELCOME TO, "THE LATE SHOW," I'M -- THANK YOU SO MUCH. 33 00:02:35,355 --> 00:02:35,922 PLEASE HAVE A SEAT. 34 00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:37,223 THANK YOU, FOLKS. 35 00:02:37,290 --> 00:02:38,091 WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW." 36 00:02:38,157 --> 00:02:41,861 I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT. 37 00:02:41,928 --> 00:02:45,498 I JUST WANT TO START OFF WITH A HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO 38 00:02:45,565 --> 00:02:46,599 EVERYBODY. 39 00:02:46,666 --> 00:02:49,168 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) IT'S NOT ONLY IN HERE BUT OUT 40 00:02:49,235 --> 00:02:50,503 THERE, HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO EVERYBODY WHO'S WATCHING. 41 00:02:50,570 --> 00:02:55,241 IT'S ALMOST MIDNIGHT AND YOU'RE DOING THE SEXIEST THING THERE 42 00:02:55,308 --> 00:02:55,742 IS. 43 00:02:55,808 --> 00:02:59,279 YOU'RE WATCHING TV. 44 00:02:59,345 --> 00:03:04,417 ( LAUGHTER ) LET'S SET THE MOOD. 45 00:03:04,484 --> 00:03:07,353 ( CLAP, CLAP ) THAT'S RIGHT. 46 00:03:07,420 --> 00:03:14,160 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THAT'S RIGHT, I HAVE A CLAPPER. 47 00:03:14,227 --> 00:03:18,865 PRETTY DARING IDEA FOR A SHOW WITH A LIVE AUDIENCE. 48 00:03:18,932 --> 00:03:20,934 SO, HOW'S IT GOING OUT THERE? 49 00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:23,870 LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE HAVING A GREAT NIGHT. 50 00:03:23,937 --> 00:03:27,307 JUST NOW, I'M ROOTIN' FOR BOTH OF YOU. 51 00:03:27,373 --> 00:03:31,444 WAIT A SECOND -- ALL THREE OF YOU! 52 00:03:31,511 --> 00:03:34,080 ( LAUGHTER ) HEY, DON'T MIND ME, I'LL JUST BE 53 00:03:34,147 --> 00:03:47,827 OVER HERE DOING MY THANG -- A LONG MONOLOGUE. 54 00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:50,263 AND MAYBE LATER, IF WE'RE LUCKY, SOME TOYOTA COMMERCIALS. 55 00:03:50,330 --> 00:03:51,531 AND I'VE GOT 400 PEOPLE IN THIS ROOM WITH ME WHO JUST HERE 'CUZ 56 00:03:51,598 --> 00:03:59,305 THEY LIKE TO WATCH. 57 00:03:59,372 --> 00:04:02,308 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) AND LOOKS LIKE THEY'RE DOWN FOR 58 00:04:02,375 --> 00:04:05,878 ANYTHING BECAUSE AND THEY'RE ALL WEARING MASKS. 59 00:04:05,945 --> 00:04:09,816 ( LAUGHTER ) (CLAP CLAP) 60 00:04:09,882 --> 00:04:11,851 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THAT WAS FOR THE CLAPPER. 61 00:04:11,918 --> 00:04:13,586 AND I'M HAPPY TO HELP, BECAUSE AMERICA COULD USE A LITTLE HELP 62 00:04:13,653 --> 00:04:16,089 IN THE SEDUCTION DEPARTMENT RIGHT NOW. 63 00:04:16,155 --> 00:04:19,292 ACCORDING TO NEW RESEARCH -- AMERICANS ARE AT A 30 YEAR LOW 64 00:04:19,359 --> 00:04:19,892 FOR SEX. 65 00:04:19,959 --> 00:04:23,262 AND AGAIN, NO JUDGEMENT. 66 00:04:23,329 --> 00:04:25,865 WHATEVER DOESN'T FLOAT YOUR BOAT I'M NOT GONNA KINK-SHAME THE 67 00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:27,367 JIGSAW PUZZLE / BREATHE-RIGHT STRIP / LIGHTS OUT BY 9PM 68 00:04:27,433 --> 00:04:29,902 LIFESTYLE. 69 00:04:29,969 --> 00:04:33,940 AMERICANS ARE TRULY OVER THE HUMP. 70 00:04:34,007 --> 00:04:36,009 IN FACT, 26% OF AMERICAN ADULTS DIDN'T HAVE SEX ONCE OVER THE 71 00:04:36,075 --> 00:04:40,913 PAST YEAR, ACCORDING TO THE 2021 GENERAL SOCIAL SURVEY. 72 00:04:40,980 --> 00:04:43,282 THOUGH THE POLL DOES HAVE A MARGIN OF ERROR OF PLUS OR MINUS 73 00:04:43,349 --> 00:04:47,286 A STRANGER IS CALLING WITH QUESTIONS ABOUT WHAT I DO WITH 74 00:04:47,353 --> 00:04:48,221 MY JUNK. 75 00:04:48,287 --> 00:04:49,989 ( LAUGHTER ) THE SURVEY FOUND THAT THE NUMBER 76 00:04:50,056 --> 00:04:53,893 OF MARRIED COUPLES WHO HAD SEX LESS THAN ONCE A MONTH DOUBLED 77 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:58,231 BETWEEN 1989 AND TODAY, LEADING RESEARCHERS TO CONCLUDE: 78 00:04:58,297 --> 00:05:02,101 THE 1980S REALLY WERE BETTER FOR SEX. 79 00:05:02,168 --> 00:05:03,302 # ( LAUGHTER ) 80 00:05:03,369 --> 00:05:05,872 OF COURSE THEY WERE-- WE HAVE WAY BETTER TV NOW THESE DAYS, 81 00:05:05,938 --> 00:05:09,008 YOU STAY UP TO WATCH 3 EPISODES OF STATION 11 AND PASS OUT AT 82 00:05:09,075 --> 00:05:10,843 MIDNIGHT. 83 00:05:10,910 --> 00:05:13,379 BACK THEN IT WAS "ALF" AT 8, THEN, "WHERE'S THE BEEF?" 'TIL 84 00:05:13,446 --> 00:05:15,314 CARSON CAME ON. 85 00:05:15,381 --> 00:05:19,285 BUT FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE LOOKING TO SPARK THINGS UP THIS 86 00:05:19,352 --> 00:05:23,289 YEAR, IN HONOR OF VALENTINE'S DAY, TACO BELL ANNOUNCED IT WILL 87 00:05:23,356 --> 00:05:29,896 GIVE OUT A FREE FLAMIN' HOT COOL RANCH DORITOS LOCOS TACO. 88 00:05:29,962 --> 00:05:32,699 ( CHEERING ) IT'S TASTY. 89 00:05:32,765 --> 00:05:34,701 COULD BE THE BEGINNING OF A GREAT LOVE STORY. 90 00:05:34,767 --> 00:05:35,868 OH, HOW DID WE MEET? 91 00:05:35,935 --> 00:05:39,605 WE LOCKED EYES IN LINE FOR THE SAME SINGLE-STALL BATHROOM. 92 00:05:39,672 --> 00:05:49,082 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 93 00:05:49,148 --> 00:05:52,552 IT'S BEEN A BAJA BLAST EVER SINCE. 94 00:05:52,618 --> 00:05:57,223 ( LAUGHTER ) SPEAKING OF ROMANCE: FOOTBALL. 95 00:05:57,290 --> 00:06:00,426 # YESTERDAY, THE L.A. RAMS WON THE 96 00:06:00,493 --> 00:06:02,361 MEN'S SUPER BOWL, DEFEATING THE CINCINNATI BENGALS 23 TO 20. 97 00:06:02,428 --> 00:06:05,898 HERE'S THE POST-VICTORY INTERVIEW WITH THE RAMS' QB: 98 00:06:05,965 --> 00:06:10,069 ( HUMAN VOICE SCREAMING ) ( LAUGHTER ) 99 00:06:10,136 --> 00:06:11,204 VERY EXCITING. 100 00:06:11,270 --> 00:06:11,871 VERY EXCITING. 101 00:06:11,938 --> 00:06:14,173 HE'S GOING TO DISNEY. 102 00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:16,843 HE'S GOING TO DISNEY. 103 00:06:16,909 --> 00:06:17,977 ( LAUGHTER ) EVERYONE'S STILL TALKING ABOUT 104 00:06:18,044 --> 00:06:19,312 THE AMAZING HALFTIME SHOW, STARRING DOCTOR DRE AND SNOOP 105 00:06:19,378 --> 00:06:25,218 DOGG. 106 00:06:25,284 --> 00:06:25,818 DID YOU CATCH IT? 107 00:06:25,885 --> 00:06:26,953 >> Jon: YES. 108 00:06:27,019 --> 00:06:28,187 >> Stephen: FANTASTIC. 109 00:06:28,254 --> 00:06:29,889 TWO LEGENDS OF HARDCORE GANGSTA RAP, OR AS THE KIDS TODAY CALL 110 00:06:29,956 --> 00:06:35,294 THEM: MARTHA STEWART'S FRIEND AND THE HEADPHONES GUY. 111 00:06:35,361 --> 00:06:43,302 ( LAUGHTER ) BUT AS ALWAYS, 112 00:06:43,369 --> 00:06:44,771 THE STAR OF THE GAME WAS THE COMMERCIALS. 113 00:06:44,837 --> 00:06:46,305 AND THIS YEAR A TON OF THEM WERE PUSHING CRYPTO. 114 00:06:46,372 --> 00:06:47,573 THERE WAS A FLOATING QR CODE FOR COIN BASE, LARRY DAVID SELLING 115 00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:49,475 SOMETHING CALLED F.T.X., AND LEBRON JAMES ADVISING HIS 116 00:06:49,542 --> 00:06:51,310 YOUNGER SELF TO LEARN MORE ABOUT CRYPTO.COM. 117 00:06:51,377 --> 00:06:53,880 IF HE REALLY WANTS TO LOOK OUT FOR YOUNG LEBRON, TELL HIM TO 118 00:06:53,946 --> 00:06:59,285 AVOID "SPACE JAM 2." 119 00:06:59,352 --> 00:07:01,621 ( LAUGHTER ) I KNOW WE HAVE A DIFFERENCE OF 120 00:07:01,687 --> 00:07:02,321 OPINION. 121 00:07:02,388 --> 00:07:05,892 WE HAVE A DIFFERENCE OF OPINION. 122 00:07:05,958 --> 00:07:09,796 ACCORDING TO EXPERTS, SUPER BOWL MONDAY IS ONE OF THE YEAR'S 123 00:07:09,862 --> 00:07:10,963 LEAST PRODUCTIVE WORKDAYS. 124 00:07:11,030 --> 00:07:11,731 I WAS GOING TO DO A JOKE ON THAT, BUT NO ONE CAME UP WITH 125 00:07:11,798 --> 00:07:15,301 ONE. 126 00:07:15,368 --> 00:07:23,309 ( LAUGHTER ) ( PIANO RIFF ) 127 00:07:23,376 --> 00:07:25,645 BUT THAT QUEASY FEELING MIGHT NOT BE FROM THE QUESO YOU ATE 128 00:07:25,711 --> 00:07:26,846 LAST NIGHT. 129 00:07:26,913 --> 00:07:29,882 IT COULD BE BECAUSE US OFFICIALS ARE WARNING THAT PUTIN COULD 130 00:07:29,949 --> 00:07:33,119 INVADE UKRAINE AT ANY TIME. 131 00:07:33,186 --> 00:07:35,054 THAT'S NOT THE KIND OF "WILL HE OR WON'T HE" THAT I LOOK FORWARD 132 00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:35,955 TO ON VALENTINE'S DAY. 133 00:07:36,022 --> 00:07:41,894 (AS PUTIN) I INVADE YOU, I INVADE YOU NOT. 134 00:07:41,961 --> 00:07:47,300 I INVADE YOU, I INVADE YOU, NOT? 135 00:07:47,366 --> 00:07:53,873 FEED THIS FLOWER SOME SUSHI. 136 00:07:53,940 --> 00:07:58,244 ( LAUGHTER ) AMERICAN OFFICIALS SPECULATED 137 00:07:58,311 --> 00:07:59,545 THAT THE INVASION WOULD BEGIN ON WEDNESDAY, AND TODAY THAT MOTION 138 00:07:59,612 --> 00:08:01,180 APPEARED TO BE SECONDED BY UKRANIAN PRESIDENT AND MAN WHO 139 00:08:01,247 --> 00:08:02,381 JUST REMEMBERED HE HAS A PUDDING CUP IN HIS LUNCH, VOLODYMYR 140 00:08:02,448 --> 00:08:04,417 ZELENSKY. 141 00:08:04,483 --> 00:08:07,320 IN A SPEECH, ZELENSKY SAID WE ARE TOLD THAT FEBRUARY 16TH 142 00:08:07,386 --> 00:08:10,122 WILL BE THE DAY OF THE ATTACK. 143 00:08:10,189 --> 00:08:11,123 WHAT? 144 00:08:11,190 --> 00:08:15,161 YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO WARN US, PUNXATAWNEY PHIL! 145 00:08:15,228 --> 00:08:21,267 ( LAUGHTER ) WHY DO WE LISTEN TO GROUNDHOG 146 00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:22,468 PREDICTOR? 147 00:08:22,535 --> 00:08:23,536 PEOPLE FREAKED OUT TO HEAR THE PRESIDENT OF UKRAINE SAY THAT, 148 00:08:23,603 --> 00:08:29,876 SO AIDES CAME OUT AND SAID THE COMMENT WAS SARCASTIC. 149 00:08:29,942 --> 00:08:34,080 AS A SEMI-PRO JOKE-TELLER, LET ME JUST SAY TO PRESIDENT 150 00:08:34,146 --> 00:08:36,716 ZELENSKY: IF YOU HAVE TO TELL EVERYBODY THAT YOU WERE JUST 151 00:08:36,782 --> 00:08:39,285 BEING SARCASTIC (SARCASTIC) 152 00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:41,220 YOU'RE DOING A 'GREAT' JOB. 153 00:08:41,287 --> 00:08:47,293 ( LAUGHTER ) REALLY GOOD. 154 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:52,365 ( APPLAUSE ) DIPLOMATIC EFFORTS ARE 155 00:08:52,431 --> 00:08:53,933 CONTINUING, BUT SO FAR NO PROGRESS HAS BEEN MADE. 156 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:57,970 OVER THE WEEKEND, PRESIDENT BIDEN SPOKE WITH PUTIN FOR MORE 157 00:08:58,037 --> 00:08:59,305 THAN AN HOUR BY PHONE. 158 00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:01,707 (AS BIDEN) TELL YOU WHAT, VLAD. 159 00:09:01,774 --> 00:09:03,442 THIS WHOLE THING REMINDS ME OF THE TIME MY UNCLE PIPPY 160 00:09:03,509 --> 00:09:05,912 THREATENED TO TAKE AWAY OUR HOOP 'N STICKS FOR KICKIN' UP A 161 00:09:05,978 --> 00:09:07,079 RUMPUS. 162 00:09:07,146 --> 00:09:08,981 PIPPY'S CANDY SHOP WAS JUST ACROSS THE MAIN DRAG FROM THE 163 00:09:09,048 --> 00:09:10,216 MOVIE HOUSE, WHERE YOU COULD SNEAK IN THE SIDE DOOR TO SEE 164 00:09:10,283 --> 00:09:11,284 THE LATEST TALKIE. 165 00:09:11,350 --> 00:09:16,689 HELLO? 166 00:09:16,756 --> 00:09:17,857 HELLO? 167 00:09:17,924 --> 00:09:20,760 SOMEBODY CUT THE TRUNK. 168 00:09:20,826 --> 00:09:21,827 THAT'S A HAND. 169 00:09:21,894 --> 00:09:25,798 THAT'S A PHONE. 170 00:09:25,865 --> 00:09:29,135 SOMEBODY GET HIM BACK ON THE HORN. 171 00:09:29,201 --> 00:09:31,137 ON THE CALL, BIDEN WARNED THAT IF RUSSIA INVADES UKRAINE 172 00:09:31,203 --> 00:09:34,573 THE U.S. AND ITS ALLIES WILL RESPOND DECISIVELY AND IMPOSE 173 00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:35,775 SWIFT AND SEVERE COSTS. 174 00:09:35,841 --> 00:09:38,110 SOUNDS SCARY, BUT ACCORDING TO ONE RUSSIAN OFFICIAL, WE DON'T 175 00:09:38,177 --> 00:09:42,248 GIVE A ( BLEEP ) ABOUT ALL THEIR SANCTIONS. 176 00:09:42,315 --> 00:09:45,251 ( LAUGHTER ) OF COURSE, I CAN'T SAY THAT ON 177 00:09:45,318 --> 00:09:51,290 CBS, BUT HE CLEARLY DOES NOT GIVE A ( BLEEP ). 178 00:09:51,357 --> 00:09:53,893 ( APPLAUSE ) ( CHEERING ) 179 00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:55,261 NOT ME. 180 00:09:55,328 --> 00:09:59,298 IT'S NOT ME, JON! 181 00:09:59,365 --> 00:10:07,340 TURNING TO PANDEMIC, THE NUMBER OF CASES OF OMICRON HAS GON 182 00:10:07,406 --> 00:10:11,277 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: YES! 183 00:10:11,344 --> 00:10:13,612 ( PIANO RIFF ) SO EVERYONE CAN START TO RELAX 184 00:10:13,679 --> 00:10:15,748 AND THEN TENSE UP AGAIN BECAUSE CHICKEN PRODUCERS ARE WARNING 185 00:10:15,815 --> 00:10:17,917 ABOUT A FAST SPREADING BIRD FLU SPREADING ACROSS THE U.S.. 186 00:10:17,984 --> 00:10:19,251 HEY, CHICKEN PRODUCERS. 187 00:10:19,318 --> 00:10:22,822 MAYBE NEXT TIME, PIPE UP BEFORE WE SPEND AN ENTIRE SUNDAY 188 00:10:22,888 --> 00:10:25,791 FACE-FIRST IN A TRAY OF BUFFALO WINGS. 189 00:10:25,858 --> 00:10:32,465 ( LAUGHTER ) A LITTLE PUNXSUTAWNEY PHIL! 190 00:10:32,531 --> 00:10:33,733 ( LAUGHTER ) NOW, BIRD FLU ISN'T A BIG RISK 191 00:10:33,799 --> 00:10:35,935 TO HUMANS, BUT THE LAST OUTBREAK IN 2015 KILLED NEARLY 50 MILLION 192 00:10:36,002 --> 00:10:39,472 BIRDS, MOSTLY TURKEYS AND CHICKENS. 193 00:10:39,538 --> 00:10:45,144 THAT'S TWO THIRDS OF A TURDUCKEN. 194 00:10:45,211 --> 00:10:47,146 ( LAUGHTER ) IF THIS HAPPENS AGAIN, AMERICANS 195 00:10:47,213 --> 00:10:48,214 WILL HAVE TO COME UP WITH A NEW MULTI-ANIMAL TREAT. 196 00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:51,283 I'M GONNA SAY HAMBUR-GUINEA-PIGEON. 197 00:10:51,350 --> 00:10:53,919 ( LAUGHTER ) RETURNING TO OUR FIRST PANDEMIC, 198 00:10:53,986 --> 00:10:56,422 ALREADY IN PROGRESS. 199 00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:58,891 IT'S BEEN OVER TWO YEARS NOW AND EVERYONE'S SICK OF IT. 200 00:10:58,958 --> 00:11:01,093 YOU WANNA KNOW HOW BAD THINGS HAVE GOTTEN? 201 00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:07,800 CANADIANS HAVE BECOME IMPOLITE. 202 00:11:07,867 --> 00:11:16,142 # ( STING ENDING WITH "EH?" ) 203 00:11:16,208 --> 00:11:17,910 ( APPLAUSE ) FOR THE LAST WEEK, CANADIAN 204 00:11:17,977 --> 00:11:19,311 TRUCKERS HAVE BEEN BLOCKADING THE AMBASSADOR BRIDGE, WHICH 205 00:11:19,378 --> 00:11:22,982 LINKS WINDSOR, ONTARIO, AND DETROIT. 206 00:11:23,049 --> 00:11:27,253 THAT MEANS FOR A WEEK, PEOPLE COULDN'T GO BETWEEN TWO PLACES 207 00:11:27,319 --> 00:11:28,754 THEY DON'T WANT TO GO. 208 00:11:28,821 --> 00:11:32,725 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 209 00:11:32,792 --> 00:11:37,563 YOU BEEN TO WINDSOR? 210 00:11:37,630 --> 00:11:38,864 ( LAUGHTER ) THE BLOCKADE HAD A DEVASTATING 211 00:11:38,931 --> 00:11:41,901 ECONOMIC IMPACT, BECAUSE THE BRIDGE IS THE BUSIEST 212 00:11:41,967 --> 00:11:45,304 U.S.-CANADA BORDER CROSSING, CARRYING 25% OF ALL TRADE 213 00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:46,839 BETWEEN THE TWO COUNTRIES. 214 00:11:46,906 --> 00:11:50,342 OUR CANADIAN IMPORTS WERE THREATENED. 215 00:11:50,409 --> 00:11:51,577 AMERICA WAS ON THE BRINK OF A STRATEGIC SHORTAGE OF SEXY 216 00:11:51,644 --> 00:11:55,281 RYANS. 217 00:11:55,347 --> 00:11:57,650 ( LAUGHTER ) THE TRUCKERS, WHO CALL 218 00:11:57,716 --> 00:11:59,285 THEMSELVES THE FREEDOM CONVOY, ARE PROTESTING A NEW CANADIAN 219 00:11:59,351 --> 00:12:03,255 MANDATE REQUIRING THEM TO EITHER BE FULLY VACCINATED WHEN 220 00:12:03,322 --> 00:12:06,192 CROSSING THE BORDER OR FACE A TWO WEEK QUARANTINE. 221 00:12:06,258 --> 00:12:10,796 AND OVER THE WEEKEND, A CANADIAN JUDGE ISSUED AN INJUNCTION, THE 222 00:12:10,863 --> 00:12:12,331 POLICE CLEARED THE BRIDGE, ARRESTING ABOUT 30 PROTESTERS, 223 00:12:12,398 --> 00:12:17,903 WHO NOW FACE A MAXIMUM PENALTY OF $100,000 AND UP TO A YEAR 224 00:12:17,970 --> 00:12:19,305 IMPRISONMENT. 225 00:12:19,371 --> 00:12:20,706 HEAR THAT, TRUCKERS? 226 00:12:20,773 --> 00:12:23,309 YOUR REFUSAL TO DRIVE YOUR TRUCK MEANS YOU COULD BE FORCED TO 227 00:12:23,375 --> 00:12:27,313 SPEND A YEAR IN A METAL BOX, PEEING INTO A BOTTLE. 228 00:12:27,379 --> 00:12:39,291 ( LAUGHTER ) SPEAKING OF PEOPLE WHO SHOULD BE 229 00:12:39,358 --> 00:12:42,962 IN JAIL, GEORGIA CONGRESSWOMAN AND TERMINATOR SENT BACK TO MAKE 230 00:12:43,028 --> 00:12:47,299 SURE AMERICANS ARE TOO DUMB TO INVENT SKYNET, MARJORIE TAYLOR 231 00:12:47,366 --> 00:12:49,802 GREENE. 232 00:12:49,869 --> 00:12:51,303 OVER OUR BREAK, GREENE MADE THE TV ROUNDS COMPLAINING ABOUT THE 233 00:12:51,370 --> 00:12:55,307 SCOPE OF THE JANUARY 6TH INVESTIGATION. 234 00:12:55,374 --> 00:13:01,380 WE WERE OFF LAST WEEK, BUT SHE SAID SOMETHING SO DUMB, THAT 235 00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:05,017 WE ALMOST DID A SPECIAL LIVE SHOW JUST TO TALK ABOUT IT. 236 00:13:05,084 --> 00:13:06,585 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THIS CLOSE. 237 00:13:06,652 --> 00:13:07,286 THAT CLOSE. 238 00:13:07,353 --> 00:13:09,388 I WAS AT THE AIRPORT. 239 00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:12,525 I WAS GETTING ON THE PLANE. 240 00:13:12,591 --> 00:13:15,861 HERE'S WHAT SHE SAID -- >> THEY'RE INVESTIGATING OUR 241 00:13:15,928 --> 00:13:16,762 STAFF LOOKING AT THEIR SOCIAL MEDIA-- 242 00:13:16,829 --> 00:13:17,897 --EVERYTHING IS COMPLETELY OUT OF CONTROL. 243 00:13:17,963 --> 00:13:21,267 NOT ONLY DO WE HAVE THE D.C. 244 00:13:21,333 --> 00:13:23,302 JAIL WHICH IS THE D.C. GULAG, BUT NOW WE HAVE NANCY PELOSI'S 245 00:13:23,369 --> 00:13:27,273 GAZPACHO POLICE SPYING ON MEMBERS OF CONGRESS. 246 00:13:27,339 --> 00:13:31,310 >> STEPHEN: YES. 247 00:13:31,377 --> 00:13:37,917 ( LAUGHTER ) THE GAZPACHO POLICE. 248 00:13:37,983 --> 00:13:40,252 ( LAUGHTER ) CUP OF GOEBBELS SOUP. 249 00:13:40,319 --> 00:13:41,921 TOP ROMMEL. 250 00:13:41,987 --> 00:13:45,157 LENI BEEFENSTOCK. 251 00:13:45,224 --> 00:13:46,892 ALL PORTRAYED IN THE CLASSIC MOVIE 252 00:13:46,959 --> 00:13:48,093 "SCHINDLER'S BISQUE." 253 00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:51,130 WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT, MY GUESTS ARE JEFFREY 254 00:13:51,197 --> 00:13:52,831 WRIGHT AND ALEX BORSTEIN. 255 00:13:52,898 --> 00:13:57,102 BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, THE HOT NEW TREND IN MAKIN' BABIES. 256 00:13:57,169 --> 00:13:58,037 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING ) 257 00:14:18,557 --> 00:14:27,399 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING ) 258 00:14:27,466 --> 00:14:29,501 >> Stephen: JON BATISTE AND "STAY HUMAN," EVERYBODY! 259 00:14:29,568 --> 00:14:41,280 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Jon: OH, YES! 260 00:14:41,347 --> 00:14:42,648 HELLO! 261 00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:45,985 >> Stephen: GOOD TO SEE YOU, JON. 262 00:14:46,051 --> 00:14:47,886 I'VE GOT TO TALK ABOUT A SENSITIVE SUBJECT WITH EVERYBODY 263 00:14:47,953 --> 00:14:51,991 IN THIS ROOM AND IT'S BABIES. 264 00:14:52,057 --> 00:14:54,059 WHERE DO THEY COME FROM? 265 00:14:54,126 --> 00:14:55,294 WHAT DO THEY WANT WITH US? 266 00:14:55,361 --> 00:14:57,763 WHY DO WE FEEL COMPELLED TO PUT THEIR TEENSIE FEETSIES IN OUR 267 00:14:57,830 --> 00:14:59,498 MOUTHS? 268 00:14:59,565 --> 00:15:02,301 I WILL EAT YOU ALIVE! 269 00:15:02,368 --> 00:15:05,237 ( LAUGHTER ) ESPECIALLY THE NICE. 270 00:15:05,304 --> 00:15:09,441 JUST SO -- THERE ARE LOTS OF QUESTIONS PARENTS FACE 271 00:15:09,508 --> 00:15:10,909 WHEN BRINGING A BABY INTO THIS WORLD. 272 00:15:10,976 --> 00:15:12,111 NUMBER ONE IS ALWAYS: WHAT BRANDED CONTENT SHOULD WE TIE TO 273 00:15:12,177 --> 00:15:13,679 OUR CHILD'S BIRTH? 274 00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:15,114 WELL, GOOD NEWS. 275 00:15:15,180 --> 00:15:16,382 THERE ARE NOW SO MANY CHOICES. 276 00:15:16,448 --> 00:15:19,652 FOR STARTERS, A HOSPITAL IN WEST PALM BEACH, FLORIDA IS OFFERING 277 00:15:19,718 --> 00:15:21,754 LILY PULITZER-THEMED BIRTHING SUITES. 278 00:15:21,820 --> 00:15:23,722 IF YOU'RE NOT FAMILIAR, LILY PULITZER IS A LINE OF CLOTHING 279 00:15:23,789 --> 00:15:26,859 FOR PEOPLE WHO'VE WALKED INTO A BEACH HOUSE WHERE THE WALLPAPER 280 00:15:26,925 --> 00:15:31,130 HASN'T CHANGED SINCE 1966 AND SAID, "DOES THAT COME IN A SIZE 281 00:15:31,196 --> 00:15:37,169 8?" AND LILY PULL-ITZED OUT ALL THE 282 00:15:37,236 --> 00:15:38,070 STOPS. 283 00:15:38,137 --> 00:15:39,238 THE SUITE COMES WITH BRIGHT, COLORFUL DECOR 284 00:15:39,305 --> 00:15:40,472 A COMPLIMENTARY ROBE AND A DIAPER BAG. 285 00:15:40,539 --> 00:15:43,108 ACCORDING TO ONE WOMAN WHO GAVE BIRTH IN THE LILY SUITE, IT'S 286 00:15:43,175 --> 00:15:44,109 JUST SO CALMING AND PEACEFUL. 287 00:15:44,176 --> 00:15:47,079 IT FELT LIKE BEING ON A RETREAT OR AT A RESORT. 288 00:15:47,146 --> 00:15:49,581 YOU KNOW, ONE OF THOSE RESORTS WHERE YOU SCREAM IN A LOUNGE 289 00:15:49,648 --> 00:15:57,756 CHAIR FOR THREE HOURS, THEN PUSH A VOLLEYBALL OUT OF YOUR VAGINA. 290 00:15:57,823 --> 00:15:58,924 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 291 00:15:58,991 --> 00:16:00,225 BUT IT'S ALL INCLUSIVE. 292 00:16:00,292 --> 00:16:06,198 YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO TIP. 293 00:16:06,265 --> 00:16:08,767 BUT MAYBE YOU DON'T WANT TO FEEL LIKE YOU'RE GIVING BIRTH IN THE 294 00:16:08,834 --> 00:16:09,935 LOBBY OF A COUNTRY CLUB? 295 00:16:10,002 --> 00:16:12,171 WELL, DISNEY HAD A CAMPAIGN AT 580 HOSPITALS, HANDING OUT 296 00:16:12,237 --> 00:16:19,111 TOUSANDS OF FREE DISNEY CUDDLY BODYSUITS. 297 00:16:19,178 --> 00:16:23,682 AT A HELLO KITTY BRANDED HOSPITAL, NURSES WEAR UNIFORMS, 298 00:16:23,749 --> 00:16:36,962 CUTE FOR THE MATERNITY WARD, LESS SO FOR THE O.R. 299 00:16:37,029 --> 00:16:38,430 FOLKS, I BELIEVE EXPLOITING THE PRIVATE, PRECIOUS EXPERIENCE 300 00:16:38,497 --> 00:16:39,765 THAT IS GIVING BIRTH FOR PROFIT IS, BRILLIANT. 301 00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:40,032 AND I. 302 00:16:40,099 --> 00:16:41,133 WANT. 303 00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:42,301 IN. 304 00:16:42,368 --> 00:16:43,335 THAT'S WHY WE HERE AT THE LATE SHOW COMEDY ARTS AND MEDICAL 305 00:16:43,402 --> 00:16:44,503 CONGLOMERATE HAVE SYNERGISTICALLY MERGED WITH SOME 306 00:16:44,570 --> 00:16:47,139 OF THE BEST BRANDS AVAILABLE, TO FORM ST. ADSPACE HOSPITAL. 307 00:16:47,206 --> 00:16:50,342 AT ST. ADSPACE, WE KNOW BIRTH IS A MAGICAL TIME WHEN TWO 308 00:16:50,409 --> 00:16:54,012 CONSUMERS COME TOGETHER TO MAKE A WHOLE NEW CONSUMER. 309 00:16:54,079 --> 00:16:55,881 THAT'S WHY WE OFFER A WIDE VARIETY OF BRANDED BIRTHING 310 00:16:55,948 --> 00:16:57,816 SUITES TO MATCH EVERY MOM'S STYLE. 311 00:16:57,883 --> 00:17:03,122 NOT EVERY MOM HAS THAT LILY PULITZER VIBE. 312 00:17:03,188 --> 00:17:07,126 FOR ALT-PUNK-EMO MOMS ON A BUDGET, ST. ADSPACE RECOMMENDS 313 00:17:07,192 --> 00:17:14,299 OUR HOT TOPIC BIRTHING SUITE. 314 00:17:14,366 --> 00:17:15,768 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WE'LL BLARE SYSTEM OF A DOWN 315 00:17:15,834 --> 00:17:18,203 WHILE YOU GIVE BIRTH ON SHEETS IN YOUR COLOR CHOICE OF PLAID, 316 00:17:18,270 --> 00:17:21,740 BLACK, OR A SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT PLAID. 317 00:17:21,807 --> 00:17:26,378 DADS WILL SAVOR THE MEMORY OF CUTTING THE WALLET CHAIN. 318 00:17:26,445 --> 00:17:30,449 FOR SPORTY MOMS, WHY NOT BOOK OUR LIDS THEMED BIRTHING SUITE. 319 00:17:30,516 --> 00:17:33,719 YOU'LL WEAR A HAT, WHILE GIVING BIRTH INTO A HAT. 320 00:17:33,786 --> 00:17:39,124 THEN ENJOY A COMPLIMENTARY CELEBRATION MEAL, SERVED IN A 321 00:17:39,191 --> 00:17:39,758 HAT. 322 00:17:39,825 --> 00:17:43,128 LIDS: IT'S JUST HATS. 323 00:17:43,195 --> 00:17:45,264 AND OF COURSE, FUN-LOVING PARENTS CAN RESERVE OUR LUXE 324 00:17:45,330 --> 00:17:51,136 DAVE & BUSTER'S BIRTHING SUITE, WHERE YOU CAN GIVE BIRTH ON A 325 00:17:51,203 --> 00:17:57,176 SKEE BALL MACHINE. 326 00:17:57,242 --> 00:17:57,943 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 327 00:17:58,010 --> 00:17:59,211 PAINTS A PICTURE. 328 00:17:59,278 --> 00:18:01,713 PAINTS A PICTURE, DOESN'T IT? 329 00:18:01,780 --> 00:18:03,682 GET THE BABY IN THE CORNER POCKET, AND THAT'S ENOUGH 330 00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:09,188 TICKETS FOR LIKE, A POKEMON KEYCHAIN. 331 00:18:09,254 --> 00:18:10,722 NEW MOMS DESERVE THE BEST, BUT IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD THAT, 332 00:18:10,789 --> 00:18:13,992 RESERVE OUR BUDWEISER X-TREME MATERNITY ZONE. 333 00:18:14,059 --> 00:18:15,761 MOMS WILL BE ATTENDED BY AN ACTUAL BUDWEISER CLYDESDALE 334 00:18:15,828 --> 00:18:21,600 THEN KICK BACK WITH A COMPLIMENTARY SIX PACK OF ICE 335 00:18:21,667 --> 00:18:22,868 COLD BUD LIGHT. 336 00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:27,139 BECAUSE AFTER HAVING YOUR CERVIX CHECKED BY A DOCTOR WITH HOOVES, 337 00:18:27,206 --> 00:18:29,374 MOM, THIS BUD'S FOR YOU. 338 00:18:29,441 --> 00:18:33,445 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH TONY AND EMMY AWARD WINNER JEFFREY 339 00:18:33,512 --> 00:18:34,313 WRIGHT. 340 00:18:34,379 --> 00:18:34,980 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING ) 341 00:18:45,891 --> 00:18:50,562 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING ) 342 00:18:50,629 --> 00:18:51,330 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 343 00:18:51,396 --> 00:18:53,932 WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW"! 344 00:18:53,999 --> 00:18:57,903 THERE YOU GO. 345 00:18:57,970 --> 00:19:03,509 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS AN EMMY AND 346 00:19:03,575 --> 00:19:04,776 TONY AWARD WINNING ACTOR YOU KNOW FROM "WESTWORLD," "NO TIME 347 00:19:04,843 --> 00:19:06,345 TO DIE," AND "THE FRENCH DISPATCH." 348 00:19:06,411 --> 00:19:08,847 HE HAS JUST NARRATED A NEW DOCUSERIES ON ABRAHAM LINCOLN 349 00:19:08,914 --> 00:19:13,385 CALLED, "LINCOLN'S DILEMMA." 350 00:19:13,452 --> 00:19:20,859 PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO THE LATE SHOW, JEFFREY WRIGHT! 351 00:19:20,926 --> 00:19:35,541 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING ) 352 00:19:35,607 --> 00:19:36,108 >> YEAH! 353 00:19:36,174 --> 00:19:37,376 THAT GROOVE GOT ME, MAN. 354 00:19:37,442 --> 00:19:40,045 THAT GROOVE WAS KILLIN'! 355 00:19:40,112 --> 00:19:41,747 >> Stephen: HEY, NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN. 356 00:19:41,813 --> 00:19:43,181 >> GREAT TO SEE YOU, STEPHEN. 357 00:19:43,248 --> 00:19:45,717 >> Stephen: WE HAVEN'T SEEN EACH OTHER IN TOO LONG. 358 00:19:45,784 --> 00:19:46,818 >> YEAH. 359 00:19:46,885 --> 00:19:48,554 >> Stephen: BUT BEFORE THE INTERESTING TIMES WE LIVE IN 360 00:19:48,620 --> 00:19:49,855 CALLED COVID. 361 00:19:49,922 --> 00:19:51,056 >> YES. 362 00:19:51,123 --> 00:19:55,827 >> Stephen: AND, OBVIOUSLY, ALMOST LIKE -- LEGALLY, I ALMOST 363 00:19:55,894 --> 00:19:59,131 HAVE TO ASK EVERYONE WHO GOT THROUGH THIS WHO SHOWS UP ON 364 00:19:59,197 --> 00:20:03,035 THIS SHOW, WHAT DID YOU DO TO STAY SANE THAT ENTIRE TIME? 365 00:20:03,101 --> 00:20:05,304 >> I'M NOT SURE I DID, STEPHEN. 366 00:20:05,370 --> 00:20:07,372 I'M NOT SURE I DID STAY SANE. 367 00:20:07,439 --> 00:20:10,876 BUT, YEAH, I GUESS THE LAST TIME WE SAW EACH OTHER WAS THE BEFORE 368 00:20:10,943 --> 00:20:11,977 TIMES. 369 00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:14,646 >> Stephen: RIGHT, SEASON TWO OR THREE OF "WESTWORLD," 370 00:20:14,713 --> 00:20:16,548 SOMETHING LIKE THAT. 371 00:20:16,615 --> 00:20:19,985 >> ONE OF THE THINGS THAT KIND OF KEPT ME GROUNDED IS I HAD THE 372 00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:21,286 GOOD FORTUNE TO STAY BUSY. 373 00:20:21,353 --> 00:20:24,523 >> Stephen: YOU SURE DID, MAN. 374 00:20:24,590 --> 00:20:26,425 THERE YOU GO. 375 00:20:26,491 --> 00:20:29,261 OH, JUST A BOND MOVIE. 376 00:20:29,328 --> 00:20:31,964 NO TIME TO DIE. 377 00:20:32,030 --> 00:20:35,500 JUST FRENCH DISPATCH, JUST A LITTLE PART CALLED COMMISSIONER 378 00:20:35,567 --> 00:20:39,271 GORDON IN THE BATMAN SERIES. 379 00:20:39,338 --> 00:20:42,441 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> WELL, IT WAS THAT ONE. 380 00:20:42,507 --> 00:20:44,977 >> Stephen: THIS ONE RIGHT HERE? 381 00:20:45,043 --> 00:20:50,315 >> YEAH, WE WORKED ON BATMAN FROM JANUARY 2020 UNTIL 382 00:20:50,382 --> 00:20:54,920 MARCH 2021 WITH A BREAK IN BETWEEN, BUT WE WORKED PRETTY 383 00:20:54,987 --> 00:20:58,490 MUCH THROUGH THE LOCKDOWNS, THE TEETH IN THE PANDEMIC, AND IT 384 00:20:58,557 --> 00:21:01,293 WAS GOOD BECAUSE IT, YOU KNOW, ONE, WE WERE FORTUNATE TO BE 385 00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:04,963 WORKING, BUT IT ALSO GAVE US SOMETHING TO FOCUS ON THAT, YOU 386 00:21:05,030 --> 00:21:09,134 KNOW, KEPT YOUR MINDS OFF THE UNCERTAINTY THAT WAS -- YOU 387 00:21:09,201 --> 00:21:12,971 KNOW, THAT EVERYONE AROUND THE WORLD WAS EXPERIENCING. 388 00:21:13,038 --> 00:21:17,843 >> Stephen: OBVIOUSLY ALL THESE SUPERHERO MOVIES ARE 389 00:21:17,909 --> 00:21:22,080 SHOULDED IN A LOT -- SH RULED IN A LOT OF SECRECY. 390 00:21:22,147 --> 00:21:23,482 WE'VE SEEN CLIPS AND TRAILS. 391 00:21:23,548 --> 00:21:24,116 IS THERE ANYTHING YOU CAN TELL US ABOUT THE MOVIE AND YOUR ROLE 392 00:21:24,182 --> 00:21:26,118 AS COMMISSIONER GORDON? 393 00:21:26,184 --> 00:21:27,185 >> ACTUALLY LIEUTENANT GORDON. 394 00:21:27,252 --> 00:21:32,124 IT'S YEAR TWO IN BATMAN STORY, PRE-COMMISSIONER DAYS, 395 00:21:32,190 --> 00:21:34,926 LIEUTENANT, WHICH IS EXCITING BECAUSE IT LIVES HIM THE 396 00:21:34,993 --> 00:21:38,430 OPPORTUNITY TO BE IN THE MIDDLE OF THINGS, HE'S STILL A COP ON 397 00:21:38,497 --> 00:21:39,665 THE STREET. 398 00:21:39,731 --> 00:21:44,169 THE STORY REALLY HACKERRENS BACK TO THE ORIGINS OF D.C., THE 399 00:21:44,236 --> 00:21:46,605 DETECTIVE COMICS OF IT ALL. 400 00:21:46,672 --> 00:21:48,206 IT'S A BIT OF A MURDER MYSTERY. 401 00:21:48,273 --> 00:21:52,711 IT'S A THRILLER THAT ALSO HAPPENS TO BE A BATMAN MOVIE. 402 00:21:52,778 --> 00:21:54,646 WE'RE REALLY EXCITED ABOUT IT. 403 00:21:54,713 --> 00:21:57,282 IT WAS TRICKY MAKING IT, I HAVE TO SAY. 404 00:21:57,349 --> 00:22:00,252 WE MADE CERTAIN SACRIFICES. 405 00:22:00,318 --> 00:22:01,720 WE DID WHAT WE HAD TO. 406 00:22:01,787 --> 00:22:04,189 WE FOCUSED ON THE JOB WE WANTED TO DO TOGETHER. 407 00:22:04,256 --> 00:22:08,060 YOU GUYS WANT TO SEE BATMAN? 408 00:22:08,126 --> 00:22:10,696 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: SURE, SURE. 409 00:22:10,762 --> 00:22:14,166 AND, YOU KNOW, WE WANTED TO MAKE IT AS MUCH AS YOU WANTED TO SEE 410 00:22:14,232 --> 00:22:19,404 IT AND, IN ORDER TO DO THAT, YOU KNOW, WE HAD TO PROTECT ONE 411 00:22:19,471 --> 00:22:24,643 ANOTHER, PROTECT OURSELVES, AND REALIZE THAT WE WERE TOGETHER 412 00:22:24,710 --> 00:22:28,346 AGAINST THE VIRUS. 413 00:22:28,413 --> 00:22:34,286 THE VIRUS WAS THE ENEMY, AND THE FOCUS. 414 00:22:34,352 --> 00:22:35,821 >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK. 415 00:22:35,887 --> 00:22:36,955 STICK AROUND. 416 00:22:37,022 --> 00:22:40,559 WHEN WE COME BACK, I'LL ASK JEFFREY WRIGHT ABOUT THE NEW 417 00:22:40,625 --> 00:22:42,360 PROJECT "LINCOLN'S DILEMMA." 418 00:22:48,366 --> 00:22:51,470 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WE'RE BACK HERE WITH JEFFREY 419 00:22:51,536 --> 00:22:52,671 WRIGHT. 420 00:22:52,738 --> 00:22:56,141 YOU'RE NARRATING A NEW FOUR-PART DOCUSERIES CALLED "LINCOLN'S 421 00:22:56,208 --> 00:22:56,975 DILEMMA." 422 00:22:57,042 --> 00:22:57,843 >> YES. 423 00:22:57,909 --> 00:22:59,511 >> Stephen: WHAT IS "LINCOLN'S DILEMMA." 424 00:22:59,578 --> 00:23:07,586 >> WELL, IT'S A SERIES THAT WILL BE AVAILABLE FEBRUARY 18th ON 425 00:23:07,652 --> 00:23:12,858 APPLE TV+, AND IT EXAMINES LINCOLN'S PRESIDENCY OVER FOUR 426 00:23:12,924 --> 00:23:15,160 PARTS AND THE EVOLUTION OF HIS PRESIDENCY. 427 00:23:15,227 --> 00:23:19,631 THE DILEMMA FOR LINCOLN, I THINK LINCOLN, ON ALL SIDES, WAS 428 00:23:19,698 --> 00:23:21,733 BETWEEN A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE. 429 00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:23,502 THERE WERE DILEMMA'S EVERYWHERE. 430 00:23:23,568 --> 00:23:32,310 BUT, YOU KNOW, I'M JUST LIKE ANYONE ELSE, I'M NOT A 431 00:23:32,377 --> 00:23:34,746 PRESIDENTIAL HISTORIAN, I KNOW A REASONABLE AMOUNT ABOUT OUR 432 00:23:34,813 --> 00:23:39,718 HISTORY, BUT OUR HISTORY IS SO VAST, AND THERE ARE THINGS IN 433 00:23:39,785 --> 00:23:41,419 THIS SERIES I WASSENT AWARE OF. 434 00:23:41,486 --> 00:23:47,726 THERE WAS AN INCIDENT INDICATIVE OF THE CHALLENGE LINCOLN FACED 435 00:23:47,793 --> 00:23:52,130 OR THE TIMES IN WHICH HE PRESIDED OVER THIS COUNTRY. 436 00:23:52,197 --> 00:23:56,001 IN 1850, TEN YEARS BEFORE LINCOLN WAS ELECTED. 437 00:23:56,067 --> 00:23:59,671 THE IF YOU'VIVE SLAVE ACT WAS PASSED WHICH BASICALLY SAYS, 438 00:23:59,738 --> 00:24:04,276 HEY, YOU, SLAVE OWNER, IF YOU HAVE SOME OF THE HUMAN BEINGS 439 00:24:04,342 --> 00:24:09,714 THAT YOU OWN, IF THEY HAPPEN TO RUN AWAY TO FREEDOM, YOU HAVE 440 00:24:09,781 --> 00:24:14,419 THE RIGHT NOT ONLY TO GO RETRIEVE THEM, BUT YOU CAN DO IT 441 00:24:14,486 --> 00:24:17,389 WITH THE ASSISTANCE OF THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT. 442 00:24:17,455 --> 00:24:24,062 AND THERE'S ANEN INCIDENT IN 1851 IN A TOWN CALLED 443 00:24:24,129 --> 00:24:27,199 CHRISTIANA, PENNSYLVANIA, 20 MILES NORTH OF THE 444 00:24:27,265 --> 00:24:31,369 MASON-DIXON LINE, FOUR MEN ESCAPED A FARM IN MARYLAND AND 445 00:24:31,436 --> 00:24:36,074 THEY FOUND SAFE HAVEN THERE IN A HOME THAT WAS OWNED BY A COUPLE 446 00:24:36,141 --> 00:24:40,979 CALLED THE PARKERS, WILLIAM AND ELIZA PARKER, WHO THEMSELVES 447 00:24:41,046 --> 00:24:45,350 WERE RUNAWAY SLAVES WHO WERE NOW FREE PEOPLE. 448 00:24:45,417 --> 00:24:48,987 THEY LIVED IN A COMMUNITY THERE, WHITES AND BLACKS TOGETHER, A 449 00:24:49,054 --> 00:24:56,127 QUAKER COMMUNITY, BLACK FREE PEOPLE, AND IT SEEMS RELATIVELY 450 00:24:56,194 --> 00:24:59,931 HARMONIOUS, IT SEEMED ACTUALLY A LONG WAY FROM, YOU KNOW, THE 451 00:24:59,998 --> 00:25:02,300 BRUTALITY THEY HAD ESCAPED. 452 00:25:02,367 --> 00:25:05,704 WELL, THESE FOUR MEN FOUND SAFE HAVEN IN THE HOME OF THE 453 00:25:05,770 --> 00:25:13,511 PARKERS, AND THEIR OWNER OR FORMER OWNER, A MAN NAMED EDWARD 454 00:25:13,578 --> 00:25:17,916 GORSUCH, CAME YOU HAVE FROM MARYLAND EARLY ONE MORNING, HE 455 00:25:17,983 --> 00:25:22,687 HAD A GROUP OF MEN INCLUDING ONE OF HIS SONS AND A U.S. MARSHAL 456 00:25:22,754 --> 00:25:26,224 AND HE CAME TO RETRIEVE THESE MEN, ESSENTIALLY TO KIDNAP THEM. 457 00:25:26,291 --> 00:25:31,096 AND A CONVERSATION ENSUED IN THE MIDST AT DAWN AS HE ARRIVED AT 458 00:25:31,162 --> 00:25:35,300 THIS HOUSE, AND IN EXCHANGE -- AND AN EXCHANGE TOOK PLACE 459 00:25:35,367 --> 00:25:38,937 BETWEEN TWO GROUPS AND HE WAS ESSENTIALLY TOLD, WELL, YOU CAN 460 00:25:39,004 --> 00:25:44,009 COME GET US, BUT IF YOU DO, YOU MIGHT BE GETTING SOME OF THESE 461 00:25:44,075 --> 00:25:44,910 BULLETS, TOO. 462 00:25:44,976 --> 00:25:47,946 THEY WERE GOING TO FIGHT FOR THEIR FREEDOM. 463 00:25:48,013 --> 00:25:55,253 OUT OF THESE TENSIONS, SHOTS WERE FIRED FROM THE SIDE OF 464 00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:58,423 GORSUCH AND HIS MEN. 465 00:25:58,490 --> 00:26:00,926 FIRE WAS RETURNED FROM THE HOUSE. 466 00:26:00,992 --> 00:26:05,997 GORSUCH WAS KILLED, HIS SON WAS WOUNDED, THOSE MEN DISPERSED. 467 00:26:06,064 --> 00:26:08,466 THE MEN WHO HAD ESCAPED FLED. 468 00:26:08,533 --> 00:26:11,670 SOME OF THEM MADE THEIR WAY TO CANADA TO FURTHER FREEDOM. 469 00:26:11,736 --> 00:26:14,639 THERE WAS A HUGE TRIAL AFTERWARD. 470 00:26:14,706 --> 00:26:19,244 41 PEOPLE WERE TRIED FOR TREASON AGAINST THE U.S. GOVERNMENT, FOR 471 00:26:19,311 --> 00:26:20,378 TREASON. 472 00:26:20,445 --> 00:26:24,282 THE FIRST CASE, THE JURY ACQUITTED THIS MAN, A WHITE MAN 473 00:26:24,349 --> 00:26:27,252 IN 15 MINUTES, AND THE REST OF THE CHARGES WERE DISMISSED. 474 00:26:27,319 --> 00:26:35,794 BUT THE INTERESTING DETAIL FOR ME THAT IS INDICATIVE OF HOW 475 00:26:35,860 --> 00:26:44,135 DENSE AND COMPLICATED THE ISSUES OF THE DAY WERE WAS THERE WAS A 476 00:26:44,202 --> 00:26:48,707 MAN NAMED NOAH BUELLY, ONE OF THE RUNAWAYS, HE WAS DESCRIBED 477 00:26:48,773 --> 00:26:51,042 AS A MU LATO. 478 00:26:51,109 --> 00:26:55,780 HE WAS SAID TO HAVE FIRED THE FIRST SHOT IN RETURN FROM THE 479 00:26:55,847 --> 00:26:56,948 HOUSE. 480 00:26:57,015 --> 00:27:02,053 HE WAS ALSO REPORTED TO BE EDWARD GORSUCH'S SON, A SON THAT 481 00:27:02,120 --> 00:27:06,825 HE HAD FATHERED BY A WOMAN THAT HE ENSLAVED. 482 00:27:06,891 --> 00:27:12,030 AND IT -- YOU KNOW, A LOT OF TENSIONS AMONG FAMILIES, YOU 483 00:27:12,097 --> 00:27:16,968 KNOW, NOWADAYS, POLITICAL TENSIONS, BUT CAN YOU IMAGINE 484 00:27:17,035 --> 00:27:24,609 THANKSGIVING AT THE GORSUCH'S? 485 00:27:24,676 --> 00:27:25,710 PRETTY TENSE. 486 00:27:25,777 --> 00:27:28,213 NOAH BUELLY PROBABLY WASN'T INVITED TO THE TABLE. 487 00:27:28,279 --> 00:27:32,117 BUT, FOR ME, I DIDN'T KNOW OF THIS STORY, AND IT WAS SO 488 00:27:32,183 --> 00:27:37,455 TELLING ABOUT HOW COMPLICATED OUR HISTORY IS, HOW INTERTWINED 489 00:27:37,522 --> 00:27:38,523 WE ARE. 490 00:27:38,590 --> 00:27:41,760 YOU KNOW, WE'RE HAVING CONVERSATIONS NOW ABOUT RACE, 491 00:27:41,826 --> 00:27:44,963 AND YOU HAVE PEOPLE WHO DON'T REALLY SEEM TO BE QUALIFIED TO 492 00:27:45,030 --> 00:27:48,366 HAVE THESE CONVERSATIONS, BUT THEY HAVE LARGE MICROPHONES, BUT 493 00:27:48,433 --> 00:27:53,471 THEY CERTAINLY DON'T SEEM TO BE AWARE OF DETAILS HIKE THAT THAT 494 00:27:53,538 --> 00:27:57,876 EXIST THROUGHOUT OUR HISTORY BECAUSE, ON THAT DAY, EDWARD 495 00:27:57,942 --> 00:28:02,747 GORSUCH WAS WHITE, AND HIS SON WAS CLEARLY BLACK. 496 00:28:02,814 --> 00:28:10,121 SO WE'RE ASKING QUESTIONS NOW IN PUBLIC ABOUT RACE THAT HAVE BEEN 497 00:28:10,188 --> 00:28:13,892 ANSWERED MANY, MANY DECADES AGO IN OUR HISTORY, BUT IF WE GO 498 00:28:13,958 --> 00:28:19,364 BACK AND READ THAT HISTORY, REVISIT THAT HISTORY, THE 499 00:28:19,431 --> 00:28:23,001 LESSONS THAT LINCOLN LEFT US, THE LESSONS THAT PEOPLE LIKE 500 00:28:23,068 --> 00:28:26,504 FREDERIC DOUGLAS LEFT US, WHO WAS A BIG INFLUENCE ON LINCOLN, 501 00:28:26,571 --> 00:28:31,409 IF WE REVISIT THOSE MEN'S JOURNEYS, YOU KNOW, A LOT OF OUR 502 00:28:31,476 --> 00:28:34,846 QUESTIONS MIGHT BE ANSWERED BECAUSE, YEAH, WE'RE DIVIDED 503 00:28:34,913 --> 00:28:39,951 NOW, BUT IT'S NOT AS BAD AS IT WAS BACK IN THE MID 19 504 00:28:40,018 --> 00:28:41,219 19th CENTURY. 505 00:28:41,286 --> 00:28:43,421 WE HAVE IT PRETTY GOOD COMPARED TO WHAT WAS GOING ON BACK THEN, 506 00:28:43,488 --> 00:28:48,960 AND THEY GOT THROUGH IT, AND PERHAPS IF WE FOLLOW THEIR LEAD, 507 00:28:49,027 --> 00:28:52,263 WE'LL GET THROUGH THESE DIFFICULT, CHALLENGING DAYS 508 00:28:52,330 --> 00:28:53,131 WE'RE FACING NOW. 509 00:28:53,198 --> 00:28:55,300 >> Stephen: HOPEFULLY WITH FEWER BULLETS. 510 00:28:55,366 --> 00:28:56,868 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE. 511 00:28:56,935 --> 00:28:58,336 >> THANKS FOR HAVING ME. 512 00:28:58,403 --> 00:28:59,537 >> STEPHEN: LINCOLN'S DILEMMA PREMIERES ON APPLE TV+ THIS 513 00:28:59,604 --> 00:29:02,674 FRIDAY. 514 00:29:02,740 --> 00:29:05,610 JEFFREY WRIGHT, EVERYBODY WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH "THE 515 00:29:05,677 --> 00:29:08,279 MARVELOUS MRS. MAISEL'S," ALEX BORSTEIN. 516 00:29:23,561 --> 00:29:24,129 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 517 00:29:24,195 --> 00:29:26,998 WELCOME BACK! 518 00:29:27,065 --> 00:29:29,534 MY NEXT GUEST IS AN EMMY AWARD-WINNING ACTOR YOU KNOW 519 00:29:29,601 --> 00:29:32,003 FROM "FAMILY GUY," "GETTING ON," AND AS SUSIE MYERSON IN 520 00:29:32,070 --> 00:29:36,741 "THE MARVELOUS MRS. MAISEL." 521 00:29:36,808 --> 00:29:37,709 >> LET'S GO. 522 00:29:37,775 --> 00:29:38,510 WHAT? 523 00:29:38,576 --> 00:29:40,011 RIGHT NOW, LET'S GO, WE'RE GOING OUT. 524 00:29:40,078 --> 00:29:41,079 >> OUT WHERE? 525 00:29:41,146 --> 00:29:43,248 DON'T THINK, DON'T TALK, JUST WALK. 526 00:29:43,314 --> 00:29:43,915 >> OX, FINE. 527 00:29:43,982 --> 00:29:45,416 I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 528 00:29:45,483 --> 00:29:46,117 >> WRONG WAY. 529 00:29:46,184 --> 00:29:47,986 WHERE ARE YOU GOING. 530 00:29:48,052 --> 00:29:48,753 >> GRAB A HAT. 531 00:29:48,820 --> 00:29:50,655 NO, BECAUSE IT WON'T BE JUST A HAT. 532 00:29:50,722 --> 00:29:51,489 >> YES, IT WILL. 533 00:29:51,556 --> 00:29:53,525 DO NOT CHANGE YOUR WARDROBE IT'S FINE. 534 00:29:53,591 --> 00:29:54,759 >> IT'S JUST A HAT! 535 00:29:54,826 --> 00:29:59,998 NEVER JUST A HAT! 536 00:30:00,064 --> 00:30:07,005 >> STEPHEN: PLEASE WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW," ALEX BORSTEIN! 537 00:30:07,071 --> 00:30:20,018 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING ) 538 00:30:20,084 --> 00:30:21,986 HELLO. 539 00:30:22,053 --> 00:30:23,454 WELCOME. 540 00:30:23,521 --> 00:30:24,789 EVERYTHING OKAY. 541 00:30:24,856 --> 00:30:25,657 >> EVERYTHING'S OKAY. 542 00:30:25,723 --> 00:30:27,325 I'M VERY SHORT SO I HAVE TO SIT FORWARD. 543 00:30:27,392 --> 00:30:29,360 >> Stephen: SO LOVELY TO MEET YOU. 544 00:30:29,427 --> 00:30:30,762 >> SO LOVELY WE'VE MET. 545 00:30:30,828 --> 00:30:33,298 >> Stephen: I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'VE GONE SO LONG WITHOUT 546 00:30:33,364 --> 00:30:34,599 HAVING YOU ON THE SHOW. 547 00:30:34,666 --> 00:30:36,601 >> I KNOW, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN. 548 00:30:36,668 --> 00:30:38,603 >> Stephen: HERE, THE LAST TWO YEARS. 549 00:30:38,670 --> 00:30:39,504 >> YOU LIKE THIS? 550 00:30:39,571 --> 00:30:40,905 >> Stephen: I DO. 551 00:30:40,972 --> 00:30:42,240 I LOVE "I DREAM OF JEANNIE." 552 00:30:42,307 --> 00:30:47,545 >> IT'S LIKE I'M DOING A ONE-WOMAN VERSION OF EQUIS OR 553 00:30:47,612 --> 00:30:48,046 SOMETHING. 554 00:30:48,112 --> 00:30:48,446 >> Stephen: MM-HMM. 555 00:30:48,513 --> 00:30:49,414 IT'S ALL MINE. 556 00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:50,548 IT'S ALL REAL. 557 00:30:50,615 --> 00:30:53,618 >> Stephen: HEY, I HEARD SOMETHING THAT I DID NOT EXPECT, 558 00:30:53,685 --> 00:30:59,691 IS THAT OVER THE COVID TIMES, YOU HUNG OUT --, LIKE, YOUR 559 00:30:59,757 --> 00:31:03,161 PLACE OF SAFETY WAS BARCELONA? 560 00:31:03,228 --> 00:31:05,363 >> YES, MY SAFE PLACE IS BARCELONA. 561 00:31:05,430 --> 00:31:07,465 AND MY SAFE WORD IS BANANA. 562 00:31:07,532 --> 00:31:10,635 >> Stephen: PUMPKIN PATCH. 563 00:31:10,702 --> 00:31:11,102 REALLY? 564 00:31:11,169 --> 00:31:12,237 >> Stephen: YEAH. 565 00:31:12,303 --> 00:31:16,007 I WAS LIVING IN BARCELONA CLOSE TO FIVE YEARS, AND COVID 566 00:31:16,074 --> 00:31:19,277 HAPPENED AND, SO, I BATTENED DOWN THE HATCHES THERE. 567 00:31:19,344 --> 00:31:22,480 >> Stephen: HOW TOUGH WAS THE LOCKDOWN THERE? 568 00:31:22,547 --> 00:31:25,149 EUROPEANS TOOK IT VERY SERIOUSLY, RIGHT? 569 00:31:25,216 --> 00:31:26,050 >> VERY SERIOUSLY. 570 00:31:26,117 --> 00:31:28,720 WE HAD TIMES OF DAY WE COULD WALK OUR DOG. 571 00:31:28,786 --> 00:31:33,458 TIMES OF DAY WE COULD TAKE OUR CHILDREN OUT AND DEPENDING ON 572 00:31:33,524 --> 00:31:34,659 AGE IT WAS DIFFERENT TIMES. 573 00:31:34,726 --> 00:31:38,296 SO PEOPLE WOULD BORROW PEOPLE'S PETS TO GET OUT AND WALK. 574 00:31:38,363 --> 00:31:41,099 WE SAW A GUY WITH A GOAT. 575 00:31:41,165 --> 00:31:42,267 NOT JOKING. 576 00:31:42,333 --> 00:31:46,604 >> Stephen: T "THE MARVELOUS MRS. MAISEL" IS RETURNING FOR 577 00:31:46,671 --> 00:31:47,905 THE FOURTH SEASON. 578 00:31:47,972 --> 00:31:48,740 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> THANK YOU. 579 00:31:48,806 --> 00:31:51,175 THANK YOU. 580 00:31:51,242 --> 00:31:56,047 >> Stephen: SO WE'VE MADE IT TO 1960 AT THIS POINT. 581 00:31:56,114 --> 00:31:57,115 >> YES, 1960. 582 00:31:57,181 --> 00:31:59,651 >> Stephen: SO YOU'RE A MANAGER OF A STANDUP IN THE 583 00:31:59,717 --> 00:32:03,988 SERIES, AND YOU DID STANDUP WHEN YOU WERE YOUNGER, I HEAR. 584 00:32:04,055 --> 00:32:05,023 >> I DID STANDUP. 585 00:32:05,089 --> 00:32:08,026 THE FIRST TIME I DID STANDUP, I WAS 16 YEARS OLD. 586 00:32:08,092 --> 00:32:11,329 >> Stephen: WOW, WHAT DO YOU TALK ABOUT WHEN YOU'RE 16? 587 00:32:11,396 --> 00:32:12,764 >> I DIDN'T SAY IT WAS GOOD. 588 00:32:12,830 --> 00:32:14,499 >> Stephen: WHAT DID YOU TALK ABOUT? 589 00:32:14,565 --> 00:32:19,804 >> WELL, YOU KNOW, YOU WRITE WHAT YOU KNOW, SO AT THAT TIME 590 00:32:19,871 --> 00:32:21,773 IT'S TEACHERS, PARENTS, SCHOOL. 591 00:32:21,839 --> 00:32:23,708 I HAD A GIG WHEN I WAS 16. 592 00:32:23,775 --> 00:32:26,778 IT WAS A PLACE CALLED GAL GEARS. 593 00:32:26,844 --> 00:32:32,517 NOT "THE" GAL GEARS BUT A BASEMENT OF A RAMADA IN, IN 594 00:32:32,583 --> 00:32:33,184 CALIFORNIA. 595 00:32:33,251 --> 00:32:36,020 >> Stephen: SURE, GALLAGHER'S. 596 00:32:36,087 --> 00:32:38,956 ( LAUGHTER ) >> THEY PAID ME 20 BUCKS AND I 597 00:32:39,023 --> 00:32:41,392 FILLED THE HOUSE WITH A BUNCH OF JEWISH PEOPLE. 598 00:32:41,459 --> 00:32:43,928 >> Stephen: SO THEY MADE THEIR MONEY BACK. 599 00:32:43,995 --> 00:32:45,096 >> THEY DID. 600 00:32:45,163 --> 00:32:51,035 THE MATERIAL, ONE BIT WAS, IN PARTICULAR, ABOUT THE TOILET 601 00:32:51,102 --> 00:32:53,104 PAPER IN THE BATHROOMS AT THE SCHOOL. 602 00:32:53,171 --> 00:32:55,540 THEY WOULDN'T LET US HAVE REGULAR ROLLED TOILET PAPER, IT 603 00:32:55,606 --> 00:32:57,875 WAS TOO GOOD FOR US, APPARENTLY. 604 00:32:57,942 --> 00:33:01,813 IT WAS THESE TINY SHEETS, YOU KNOW THOSE LITTLE THINGS? 605 00:33:01,879 --> 00:33:02,914 >> Stephen: YES. 606 00:33:02,980 --> 00:33:06,384 AND IT WAS THIS BIG AND I BASICALLY STOOD ON STAGE AND 607 00:33:06,451 --> 00:33:11,589 COMPARED IT TO ME -- AND SAID, YOU KNOW, IF YOU'RE TRYING, FOR 608 00:33:11,656 --> 00:33:15,093 COST-SAVING PURPOSES, THIS IS DOING THE OPPOSITE BECAUSE -- 609 00:33:15,159 --> 00:33:19,497 >> Stephen: WELL, DOES THIS TEMPT YOU AT ALL, BEING SOME 610 00:33:19,564 --> 00:33:20,698 MANAGING STANDUP. 611 00:33:20,765 --> 00:33:22,433 >> TO DO STANDUP AGAIN? 612 00:33:22,500 --> 00:33:30,775 I DID AND I HA AND I HAVE. 613 00:33:30,842 --> 00:33:35,313 IN BARCELONA, IN A POPULATION OF 2 MILLION PEOPLE, THERE ARE 614 00:33:35,380 --> 00:33:41,986 6,000 JEWS IN BARCELONA AND I FOUND ONE-HALF OF THEM. 615 00:33:42,053 --> 00:33:43,354 >> Stephen: HALF? 616 00:33:43,421 --> 00:33:43,921 HALF. 617 00:33:43,988 --> 00:33:45,490 >> Stephen: THESE GUYS? 618 00:33:45,556 --> 00:33:46,290 YES. 619 00:33:46,357 --> 00:33:47,492 >> Stephen: WHO ARE THESE FELL LALLS. 620 00:33:47,558 --> 00:33:50,428 >> I STARTED DOING A MUSICAL STANDUP SHOW WITH THESE FELLAS. 621 00:33:50,495 --> 00:33:54,799 I REFERRED TO THEM AS THIS IS THE RICK MORAN IS ( BLEEP ) 622 00:33:54,866 --> 00:33:55,166 HERE. 623 00:33:55,233 --> 00:33:56,334 THAT'S ERIC. 624 00:33:56,401 --> 00:34:04,442 AND THIS WE ALWAYS REFERRED TO AS EASE AT THE BAN GOLBERTO. 625 00:34:04,509 --> 00:34:07,111 DOES HE NOT LOOK LIKE STEPHEN COLBERT? 626 00:34:07,178 --> 00:34:08,980 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: WHEN WAS THIS 627 00:34:09,046 --> 00:34:10,047 TAKEN? 628 00:34:10,114 --> 00:34:16,020 THIS IS THE SAME GUY OUTSIDE OUR THEATER, PULL OUT -- 629 00:34:16,087 --> 00:34:16,587 >> PULL OUT. 630 00:34:16,654 --> 00:34:19,991 I'VE HEARD THAT BEFORE. 631 00:34:20,057 --> 00:34:21,559 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: IT'S CBS. 632 00:34:21,626 --> 00:34:27,031 YES, HE LOOKS SO MUCH LIKE YOU PEOPLE BUT -- HIS NAME IS 633 00:34:27,098 --> 00:34:32,370 SALIVA, AND THE THREE OF US DO A STANDUP KIND OF ONE-PERSON THING 634 00:34:32,437 --> 00:34:34,071 THAT WE'LL BE SHOOTING THIS YEAR. 635 00:34:34,138 --> 00:34:36,007 >> Stephen: ARE YOU A SINGER AS WELL? 636 00:34:36,073 --> 00:34:37,074 >> I SING, YES. 637 00:34:37,141 --> 00:34:39,710 >> Stephen: BUT YOU DIFFERENTIATE BETWEEN I SING AND 638 00:34:39,777 --> 00:34:41,012 BEING A SINGER. 639 00:34:41,078 --> 00:34:45,082 >> I FEEL LIKE I HAVEN'T MADE A LIVING SINGING. 640 00:34:45,149 --> 00:34:46,150 I HAVEN'T YET. 641 00:34:46,217 --> 00:34:47,752 >> Stephen: YET. 642 00:34:47,819 --> 00:34:49,787 TONIGHT'S THE NIGHT, FOLKS. 643 00:34:49,854 --> 00:34:51,789 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE A 644 00:34:51,856 --> 00:34:52,623 STYLE? 645 00:34:52,690 --> 00:34:55,493 DO YOU LIKE GREAT AMERICAN SONG BOOK? 646 00:34:55,560 --> 00:34:56,794 >> YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED? 647 00:34:56,861 --> 00:34:58,096 I STARTED SINGING. 648 00:34:58,162 --> 00:34:59,297 I LOVED IT. 649 00:34:59,363 --> 00:35:03,201 I WENT ON AN AUDITION THAT WAS LIKE FOR THIS THEATER CAMP AND 650 00:35:03,267 --> 00:35:07,171 THEY MADE US AUDITION TO THE DANCE TEACHER, THE SINGING 651 00:35:07,238 --> 00:35:11,042 TEACHER AND THEY'D WRITE NOTES, YOU KNOW, WHEN I GOT UP TO THE 652 00:35:11,108 --> 00:35:15,513 SINGING PART NEXT TO THE PIANO, AND WE HAD DONE THE NOTICE AND I 653 00:35:15,580 --> 00:35:22,119 SNUCK A PEEK AT THE NOTES AND SAID, ASTERISK, HAS WEIGHT 654 00:35:22,186 --> 00:35:23,154 PROBLEM, TONE DEAF. 655 00:35:23,221 --> 00:35:27,125 ( AUDIENCE REACTS ) AND I WAS, LIKE, I AM NOT TONE 656 00:35:27,191 --> 00:35:27,892 DEAF! 657 00:35:27,959 --> 00:35:30,795 ( LAUGHTER ) BUT IT STUCK WITH ME. 658 00:35:30,862 --> 00:35:37,635 >> Stephen: DID YOU HEAR ABOUT FRED ASTAIRE'S AUDITION WITH 659 00:35:37,702 --> 00:35:38,836 MGM? 660 00:35:38,903 --> 00:35:42,507 THE NOTES WERE, CAN'T SING, CAN'T ACT, BALDING, CAN DANCE A 661 00:35:42,573 --> 00:35:43,040 LITTLE. 662 00:35:43,107 --> 00:35:44,208 >> ARE YOU KIDDING ME? 663 00:35:44,275 --> 00:35:48,813 >> Stephen: THAT'S WHAT THE NOTES SAY ON HIS SCREEN TEST. 664 00:35:48,880 --> 00:35:49,914 >> THAT'S INSANE. 665 00:35:49,981 --> 00:35:53,784 >> Stephen: I THINK OF YOU AS THE FRED ASTAIRE OF "THE 666 00:35:53,851 --> 00:35:54,619 MARVELOUS MRS. MAISEL." 667 00:35:54,685 --> 00:35:56,754 >> THANK YOU, I'LL TAKE IT ( APPLAUSE ) 668 00:35:56,821 --> 00:36:00,825 >> Stephen: ALEX, SO LOVELY TO MEET YOU. 669 00:36:00,892 --> 00:36:03,361 SEASON FOUR OF "THE MARVELOUS MRS. MAISEL" PREMIERES THIS 670 00:36:03,427 --> 00:36:04,595 FRIDAY ON PRIME VIDEO. 671 00:36:04,662 --> 00:36:07,565 ALEX BORSTEIN, EVERYBODY WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE 672 00:36:07,632 --> 00:36:09,033 BY MAXWELL. 673 00:36:13,037 --> 00:36:18,409 >> STEPHEN: PERFORMING HIS SINGLE "OFF," MAXWELL. 674 00:36:18,476 --> 00:36:21,779 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ I'M IN THE ZONE 675 00:36:21,846 --> 00:36:25,783 AM I ALONE? 676 00:36:25,850 --> 00:36:29,787 ♪ I FEAR THAT YOU DON'T 677 00:36:29,854 --> 00:36:34,625 ♪ AGREE OH 678 00:36:34,692 --> 00:36:43,568 ♪ DO YOU BELIEVE BABE DO YOU FEEL DECEIVED, BABE 679 00:36:43,634 --> 00:36:46,137 ♪ DECISIONS LIKE THIS ARE NOT MEANT TO BE MADE ALONE 680 00:36:46,203 --> 00:36:52,577 ♪ CAN I COME THROUGH AND SEE WILL YOU RECEIVE ME UH 681 00:36:52,643 --> 00:36:58,049 ♪ I'M SHOOTIN' ALL MY SHOTS I WON'T MISS THEM, 682 00:36:58,115 --> 00:37:09,794 ♪ NO I'M GIVING ALL I GOT NEVER EVER LET THIS GO 683 00:37:09,860 --> 00:37:13,798 ♪ OH-NO-NO-NO AND IF I HIT THAT SPOT 684 00:37:13,864 --> 00:37:24,842 ♪ ACCEPT THE MISSION AND GO, OFF ( CARRIED NOTE ) 685 00:37:24,909 --> 00:37:33,784 ♪ TURN DOWN THE SHADES LET'S DRINK LEMONADE 686 00:37:33,851 --> 00:37:37,788 ♪ I KNOW YOU'RE HERE 687 00:37:37,855 --> 00:37:47,398 ♪ TO SET ME FREE AYE SET ME FREE 688 00:37:47,465 --> 00:37:49,667 ♪ SET ME IF YOU NEED YOUR SPACE 689 00:37:49,734 --> 00:37:52,637 ♪ I WON'T INVADE THERE'S NO NEED 690 00:37:52,703 --> 00:37:58,643 ♪ TO RUSH THIS HASTILY 691 00:37:58,709 --> 00:38:04,649 ♪ HOPE YOU RECEIVE ME AND KEEP SHOOTIN' ALL YOUR SHOTS 692 00:38:04,715 --> 00:38:09,787 ♪ DON'T YOU MISS THEM NO OH 693 00:38:09,854 --> 00:38:13,791 ♪ KEEP GIVING ALL YOU GOT NEVER EVER LET THIS GO 694 00:38:13,858 --> 00:38:21,799 ♪ OH NO AND IF I HIT THAT WE'RE ON A 695 00:38:21,866 --> 00:38:36,747 ♪ MISSION TO GO OFF I SEE YOU IN THE DARK 696 00:38:36,814 --> 00:38:37,915 ♪ MISSION TO GO OFF I SEE YOU IN THE DARK 697 00:38:37,982 --> 00:38:46,857 ♪ YOU'RE LIKE A MOONLIT SPARK I'VE NEVER BEEN SO IN AWE 698 00:38:46,924 --> 00:38:57,802 ♪ CREAMY CHOCOLATE WORK OF ART YOUR SKIN IS SO DAMN SOFT 699 00:38:57,868 --> 00:39:04,742 ♪ COCOA BUTTER, SILKY THOUGHTS YOU GOT THE BALL IN YOUR COURT 700 00:39:04,809 --> 00:39:10,648 ♪ TONIGHT YOU'RE GONNA BE MY BOSS 701 00:39:10,715 --> 00:39:16,654 EVEN IF I TAKE A LOSS, ♪ YEAH I'M SHOOTIN' ALL MY SHOTS 702 00:39:16,721 --> 00:39:21,792 I WON'T MISS THEM, ♪ NO, 703 00:39:21,859 --> 00:39:28,666 OH I'M GIVING ALL I GOT ♪ NEVER EVER LET THIS GO 704 00:39:28,733 --> 00:39:33,804 OH-NO-NO-NO ♪ AND IF I HIT THAT SPOT 705 00:39:33,871 --> 00:39:48,753 ACCEPT THE MISSION ♪ AND GO, OFF ( CARRIED NOTE ) 706 00:39:48,819 --> 00:39:54,725 ACCEPT THE MISSION ♪ AND GO, OFF ( CARRIED NOTE ) 707 00:39:54,792 --> 00:40:04,535 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY DAY! 708 00:40:04,602 --> 00:40:09,173 WE DECIDED TO GIVE A VALENTINE, RIGHT? 709 00:40:09,240 --> 00:40:09,807 >> STEPHEN: MAXWELL, EVERYBODY. 710 00:40:09,874 --> 00:40:10,875 THAT'S IT FOR THE LATE SHOW. 711 00:40:10,941 --> 00:40:12,743 TUNE IN TOMORROW, WHEN MY GUEST WILL BE JOHN OLIVER. 712 00:40:12,810 --> 00:40:13,978 JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT. 713 00:40:14,044 --> 00:40:14,779 GOODNIGHT. 714 00:40:14,845 --> 00:40:15,780 MAXWELL!