1 00:00:01,301 --> 00:00:03,069 >> TWO JUDGES ON THE FOX SHOW 2 00:00:03,136 --> 00:00:05,305 "THE MASKED SINGER "-- IT'S A REALITY SHOW, YOU MAY HAVE SEEN 3 00:00:05,372 --> 00:00:07,374 IT, WHERE PEOPLE SING IN MASKS AND THEN THEY ARE REVEALED 4 00:00:07,440 --> 00:00:10,543 LATER -- REPORTEDLY WALKED OFF IN PROTEST DURING A TAPING OF A 5 00:00:10,610 --> 00:00:14,314 RECENT EPISODE AFTER IT WAS REVEALED THAT RUDY GIULIANI WAS 6 00:00:14,381 --> 00:00:21,121 A CONTESTANT. >> IF YOU LIKED RUDY GIULIANI ON 7 00:00:21,187 --> 00:00:24,023 "THE MASKED SINGER," YOU WILL LOVE HIM ON "NAKED AND 8 00:00:24,090 --> 00:00:27,861 SEDITIOUS, TRAITOR ISLAND." A NEW GIULIANI FLOWN TO AN 9 00:00:27,927 --> 00:00:32,532 UNINHABITED ISLAND, AND THEN WE LEAVE HIM THERE. 10 00:00:32,599 --> 00:00:33,900 THAT'S IT. THAT'S THE SHOW. 11 00:00:33,967 --> 00:00:37,904 WHAT WILL HAPPEN? WILL HE SUCCUMB TO THE ELEMENTS 12 00:00:37,971 --> 00:00:42,409 OR BE COVERED IN POISONOUS SNAKES DESPERATELY CRYING OUT TO 13 00:00:42,475 --> 00:00:44,944 GOD TO END HIS SUFFERING? WILL A WILD BOAR TAKE AN AMOROUS 14 00:00:45,011 --> 00:00:47,814 INTEREST? DON'T KNOW, DON'T CARE. 15 00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:49,883 IN FACT, WE'RE NOT EVEN SENDING CAMERAS BECAUSE THIS ISN'T 16 00:00:49,949 --> 00:00:52,352 ACTUALLY A SHOW, JUST SOMETHING WE DID AND THOUGHT YOU MIGHT 17 00:00:52,419 --> 00:00:57,757 ENJOY. NO FOOD, NO SHELTER, NO WINE. 18 00:00:57,824 --> 00:01:00,260 "NAKED AND SEDITIOUS, TRAITOR ISLAND," AND COMING SOON TO FOX, 19 00:01:00,326 --> 00:01:08,034 THE "FLOOR IS ACTUAL LAVA," STARRING TED CRUZ. 20 00:01:08,101 --> 00:01:09,736 >> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE 21 00:01:09,803 --> 00:01:18,912 SHOW" WITH STEPHEN COLBERT! TONIGHT, THE MASKED MAN AND 22 00:01:18,978 --> 00:01:30,457 VALENTINE'S DAY FIRST DRAFT! STEPHEN WELCOMES DUA LIPA AND 23 00:01:30,523 --> 00:01:36,262 MUSICAL GUEST 2 CHAINZ, FEATURING JON BATISTE AND "STAY 24 00:01:36,329 --> 00:01:40,767 HUMAN." AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE 25 00:01:40,834 --> 00:01:47,974 ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 26 00:01:48,041 --> 00:01:51,778 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: WHEY! 27 00:01:51,845 --> 00:01:54,581 WHOA! SNUCK UP ON ME! 28 00:01:54,647 --> 00:01:56,716 DID YOU SEE THAT? HELLO, JON. 29 00:01:56,783 --> 00:02:05,725 LET ME HELP YOU OUT HERE. HEY! 30 00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:07,927 HELLO! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 31 00:02:07,994 --> 00:02:14,501 ( PIANO RIFF ) VERY KIND. 32 00:02:14,567 --> 00:02:17,003 THANK YOU, FRIENDS. PLEASE HAVE A SEAT. 33 00:02:17,070 --> 00:02:18,838 WELCOME ONE AND ALL TO "THE LATE SHOW." 34 00:02:18,905 --> 00:02:27,981 I'M YOUR SHOWS STEPHEN COLBERT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 35 00:02:28,047 --> 00:02:34,587 I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT, TO ME, FOR THE -- WHAT, 36 00:02:34,654 --> 00:02:36,256 LAST FIVE YEARS, IT FEELS LIKE AMERICA HAS BEEN TRAPPED IN AN 37 00:02:36,322 --> 00:02:37,490 ABSURDIST PLAY. AND NOT ONE OF THE GOOD ONES. 38 00:02:37,557 --> 00:02:42,028 WHICH IS NONE OF THEM. NO SINGLE HEADLINE HAS CAPTURED 39 00:02:42,095 --> 00:02:47,534 THE NATIONAL ZEITGEIST OF EXISTENTIAL DREAD COMBINED WITH 40 00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:50,803 RIDICU-STUPULOUSNESS BETTER THAN THIS ONE: 41 00:02:50,870 --> 00:02:53,172 RUDY GIULIANI HAS BEEN REVEALED AS A CONTESTANT ON "THE MASKED 42 00:02:53,239 --> 00:02:58,845 SINGER." THAT'S RIGHT. 43 00:02:58,912 --> 00:03:00,947 THE CRIMINAL GOON, THAT WE KNOW FOR A FACT IS BEING INVESTIGATED 44 00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:05,652 FOR TRYING TO OVERTHROW OUR DEMOCRACY FOR HIS IDIOT EMPEROR, 45 00:03:05,718 --> 00:03:07,687 WAS YUKKING IT UP ON A REALITY SHOW. 46 00:03:07,754 --> 00:03:10,089 THERE HASN'T BEEN ANYTHING THIS SHOCKING SINCE LEE HARVEY OSWALD 47 00:03:10,156 --> 00:03:18,565 MADE A GUEST APPEARANCE ON "GILLIGAN'S ISLAND." 48 00:03:18,631 --> 00:03:21,301 NOW, IF YOU'RE NOT FAMILIAR WITH "THE MASKED SINGER," 49 00:03:21,367 --> 00:03:27,707 CONGRATULATIONS. HERE'S HOW IT WORKS. 50 00:03:27,774 --> 00:03:30,877 A BUNCH OF WHAT ARE CALLED "CELEBRITIES" IN COSTUMES 51 00:03:30,944 --> 00:03:33,780 SING FOR A PANEL OF JUDGES, AND EACH WEEK, THE LOSING SINGER 52 00:03:33,846 --> 00:03:37,917 GETS "UNMASKED." WE'VE NOW LEARNED THAT RUDY WAS 53 00:03:37,984 --> 00:03:40,453 UNMASKED DURING LAST WEEK'S TAPING OF THE FIRST EPISODE OF 54 00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:45,925 SEASON 7. TRULY A SHOCKING REVELATION. 55 00:03:45,992 --> 00:03:49,462 I CANNOT BELIEVE "THE MASKED SINGER" HAS HAD SEVEN SEASONS. 56 00:03:49,529 --> 00:03:53,299 WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN? AND HOW? 57 00:03:53,366 --> 00:04:02,442 HOW, GOD? ( APPLAUSE ) 58 00:04:02,508 --> 00:04:03,610 HOW! RUDY'S EPISODE HASN'T AIRED YET, 59 00:04:03,676 --> 00:04:06,846 SO WE DON'T KNOW MUCH BEYOND THAT. 60 00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:08,581 FOX ISN'T REVEALING WHAT HIS SWAN SONG WAS, OR WHICH ANIMAL 61 00:04:08,648 --> 00:04:12,185 COSTUME RUDY WORE. THOUGH IT WAS SAFE TO ASSUME HE 62 00:04:12,251 --> 00:04:15,955 WAS A JACKASS. ( LAUGHTER ) 63 00:04:16,022 --> 00:04:23,496 A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE UPSET, BUT -- A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE MAD ABOUT 64 00:04:23,563 --> 00:04:24,831 THIS, NATURALLY. ( APPLAUSE ) 65 00:04:24,897 --> 00:04:28,134 A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE UPSET, BUT, KEEP IN MIND: IT MAY NOT BE THE 66 00:04:28,201 --> 00:04:29,335 PRODUCERS' FAULT. IT'S POSSIBLE THAT RUDY JUST 67 00:04:29,402 --> 00:04:31,037 WANDERED ONTO THE FOX LOT AND PASSED OUT IN THE COSTUME. 68 00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:31,904 (AS RUDY) "AH! 69 00:04:31,971 --> 00:04:38,444 WHERE AM I? START SPREADING THE NEWS!" 70 00:04:38,511 --> 00:04:39,846 ( PIANO RIFF ) THAT'S WHAT HE SAYS. 71 00:04:39,912 --> 00:04:47,020 HE SINGS THAT WHEN HE WAKES UP. ( APPLAUSE ) 72 00:04:47,086 --> 00:04:51,991 NOW, HERE'S THE THING, WE'RE ALL IN TV, WE KNOW HOW ALL THIS 73 00:04:52,058 --> 00:04:53,292 WORKS, NOW, I'M SURE FOX IS GOING TO 74 00:04:53,359 --> 00:04:54,527 GET HUGE RATINGS FOR THIS, BUT REPORTEDLY, THE RUDY REVEAL DID 75 00:04:54,594 --> 00:04:55,895 NOT GO OVER WELL IN THE ROOM. WHEN HE TOOK OFF HIS MASK, 76 00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:58,731 JUDGES KEN JEONG AND ROBIN THICKE QUICKLY LEFT THE STAGE 77 00:04:58,798 --> 00:05:04,904 IN PROTEST. YES. 78 00:05:04,971 --> 00:05:06,773 ( APPLAUSE ) YES. 79 00:05:06,839 --> 00:05:10,543 THEY LEFT IN PROTEST, JON. >> Jon: THEY WANTED TO GET OUT 80 00:05:10,610 --> 00:05:14,547 OF THERE. >> Stephen: OR THEY LEFT IN 81 00:05:14,614 --> 00:05:15,815 TERROR. ( LAUGHTER ) 82 00:05:15,882 --> 00:05:16,616 I MEAN, ONE OF THE MOST CHILLING PHRASES IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE 83 00:05:16,683 --> 00:05:18,851 IS "SURPRISE! IT'S RUDY GIULIANI!" 84 00:05:18,918 --> 00:05:22,822 ( LAUGHTER ) JUST ASK THE CREW OF "BORAT." 85 00:05:22,889 --> 00:05:27,827 NOBODY WANTS TO SEE HIM WHIP OUT HIS HEAD. 86 00:05:27,894 --> 00:05:36,602 ( LAUGHTER ) ♪ OH, MY GOSH! 87 00:05:36,669 --> 00:05:40,306 OH, OH ♪ ♪ OH, MY GOSH! 88 00:05:40,373 --> 00:05:44,043 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 89 00:05:44,110 --> 00:05:48,047 >> Stephen: OKAY, LET'S LIGHTEN THINGS UP A LITTLE BIT. 90 00:05:48,114 --> 00:05:49,615 IN PLAGUE NEWS, COVID CASES ARE FALLING ACROSS THE COUNTRY, AND 91 00:05:49,682 --> 00:05:52,251 VACCINES ARE HOLDING UP. IN FACT, ACCORDING TO NEW 92 00:05:52,318 --> 00:05:54,120 C.D.C. DATA, BOOSTED AMERICANS ARE 97 TIMES LESS LIKELY TO DIE 93 00:05:54,187 --> 00:06:01,661 OF COVID THAN THE UNVACCINATED. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 94 00:06:01,728 --> 00:06:08,568 THE BOOSTED AGREE. AND, SOMEHOW, THAT'S STILL NOT 95 00:06:08,634 --> 00:06:12,872 ENOUGH TO CONVINCE SOME FOLKS TO GET THEIR SHOTS. 96 00:06:12,939 --> 00:06:15,475 IMAGINE HEARING "YOU'RE 97 TIMES MORE LIKELY TO SURVIVE BUNGEE 97 00:06:15,541 --> 00:06:25,151 JUMPING IF YOU USE A ROPE INSTEAD OF JUST TYING OFF YOUR 98 00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:28,254 JUNK AND GOING, "HELL NAW, STAPLE MY DING-DONG 99 00:06:28,321 --> 00:06:29,122 TO THE BRIDGE! I GOT NATURAL IMMUNITY TO 100 00:06:29,188 --> 00:06:33,926 GRAVITY! YEEE-HAW!" 101 00:06:33,993 --> 00:06:37,730 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪ 102 00:06:37,797 --> 00:06:39,165 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 103 00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:42,168 AND SOON, GETTING IMMUNIZED MIGHT BE EVEN EASIER, BECAUSE 104 00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:46,105 SCIENTISTS ARE DEVELOPING NASAL VACCINES. 105 00:06:46,172 --> 00:06:48,407 THE MEDICINE GOES RIGHT UP YOUR NOSE. 106 00:06:48,474 --> 00:06:50,042 TURNS OUT, DON JR. WAS JUST TRYING TO FIGHT COVID THIS WHOLE 107 00:06:50,109 --> 00:07:01,320 TIME. (AS DON JUNIOR) 108 00:07:01,387 --> 00:07:05,758 "YOU WANT TO JOIN ME IN THE BATHROOM FOR A QUICK BUMP OF 109 00:07:05,825 --> 00:07:07,960 IMMUNE AT THIS? OKAY, OKAY. 110 00:07:08,027 --> 00:07:12,765 CAN'T FEEL MY EYEBALLS. OKAY." 111 00:07:12,832 --> 00:07:14,133 THE NASAL VACCINE MAY BE EVEN MORE EFFECTIVE, AND GETTING IT 112 00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:15,268 LOOKS DIGNIFIED. AFTERWARDS, THEY JAM THE 113 00:07:15,334 --> 00:07:17,703 LOLLIPOP RIGHT UP THERE. "THERE YOU GO, LITTLE GIRL. 114 00:07:17,770 --> 00:07:22,008 HOPE YOU LIKE BUTTERSCOTCH." ( LAUGHTER ) 115 00:07:22,074 --> 00:07:23,576 ( PIANO RIFF ) IN OTHER COVID NEWS, WE'VE 116 00:07:23,643 --> 00:07:25,711 LEARNED THAT LAST YEAR, A TEAM OF SCIENTISTS SEARCHING FOR THE 117 00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:29,715 CORONAVIRUS IN NEW YORK CITY'S WASTEWATER SPOTTED SOMETHING 118 00:07:29,782 --> 00:07:31,184 STRANGE IN THEIR SAMPLES. CAN I GUESS? 119 00:07:31,250 --> 00:07:34,220 MOB FINGERS! TIMES SQUARE ELMO TEETH! 120 00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:37,990 ALL THE ROCKETTES WHO DIDN'T MAKE THE CUT? 121 00:07:38,057 --> 00:07:41,127 ( LAUGHTER ) NO? 122 00:07:41,194 --> 00:07:42,361 WELL, TURNS OUT, WHAT THEY ACTUALLY FOUND WAS A UNIQUE 123 00:07:42,428 --> 00:07:45,097 CONSTELLATION OF COVID MUTATIONS THAT HAD NEVER BEEN REPORTED 124 00:07:45,164 --> 00:07:48,768 BEFORE IN HUMAN PATIENTS THAT SCIENTISTS ARE CALLING 125 00:07:48,835 --> 00:07:51,637 "CRYPTIC LINEAGES." OH, YEAH! 126 00:07:51,704 --> 00:07:54,073 I'VE HEARD THE CRYPTIC LINEAGES IN THE NEW YORK WATER IS WHAT 127 00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:58,778 MAKES THE BAGELS SO GOOD. ( LAUGHTER ) 128 00:07:58,845 --> 00:08:03,282 YOU CAN'T GET THAT IN ANY OTHER CITY. 129 00:08:03,349 --> 00:08:05,451 THERE'S BEEN A LOT OF COVID MISINFORMATION OUT THERE 130 00:08:05,518 --> 00:08:07,587 AND THERE'S STARTING TO BE SOME KARMIC RETRIBUTION FOR THE 131 00:08:07,653 --> 00:08:11,657 PEOPLE SPREADING IT. TAKE FACEBOOK. 132 00:08:11,724 --> 00:08:15,828 TODAY, ON WALL STREET, YOUR MOM'S FRIEND'S ONLINE HANGOUT 133 00:08:15,895 --> 00:08:22,168 LOST 26% OF ITS VALUE, OR $230 BILLION, WHICH IS THE 134 00:08:22,235 --> 00:08:27,506 BIGGEST ONE-DAY MARKET VALUE DROP EVER FOR A U.S. COMPANY. 135 00:08:27,573 --> 00:08:32,945 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WHY THE DROP? 136 00:08:33,012 --> 00:08:34,647 FINANCIAL ANALYSTS SAY I'S BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T CLICK ON THE 137 00:08:34,714 --> 00:08:39,285 PHOTO OF YOUR COUSIN'S BABYSITTER'S WEDDING! 138 00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:40,386 ( LAUGHTER ) THEY HAD A DONUT WALL! 139 00:08:40,453 --> 00:08:41,454 AND A GLAZING STATION. BUT THAT WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR 140 00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:45,258 YOU! IT WAS AN ESPECIALLY ROUGH DAY 141 00:08:45,324 --> 00:08:48,728 FOR FACEBOOK C.E.O. AND ROBOT FAILING TO EXECUTE THE SMILE 142 00:08:48,794 --> 00:08:53,766 PROTOCOL, MARK ZUCKERBERG. FACEBOOK'S STOCK FREE-FALL 143 00:08:53,833 --> 00:08:59,972 CAUSED ZUCKERBERG'S WEALTH TO PLUNGE BY $31 BILLION. 144 00:09:00,039 --> 00:09:01,841 ( AUDIENCE REACTS ) "HOW WAS YOUR DAY, HONEY?" 145 00:09:01,908 --> 00:09:04,143 "EH, A COUPLE HICCUPS. I LOST MY UMBRELLA, MY SHOELACE 146 00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:08,981 BROKE, AND I PERSONALLY LOST THE G.D.P. OF LATVIA. 147 00:09:09,048 --> 00:09:10,483 ( LAUGHTER ) MORE GOLD SHAVINGS IN YOUR 148 00:09:10,549 --> 00:09:14,420 CHABLIS?" SOCIAL MEDIA HAS BEEN A HOTBED 149 00:09:14,487 --> 00:09:17,490 OF ANTI-SCIENCE CONSPIRACY THEORIES, AND AMERICA'S NOT 150 00:09:17,556 --> 00:09:25,298 THE ONLY COUNTRY LOADED WITH ANTI-VAXHOLES. 151 00:09:25,364 --> 00:09:28,034 ( LAUGHTER ) RIGHT NOW, CANADA'S CAPITAL, 152 00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:31,837 OTTAWA, IS BEING BESIEGED BY A GROUP OF ANTI-DO-ANYTHING- 153 00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:35,241 ABOUT-COVID TRUCKERS CALLED THE "FREEDOM CONVOY." 154 00:09:35,308 --> 00:09:38,544 FORGET SPOTIFY-- CANADIAN TRUCKERS ARE SPREADING COVID 155 00:09:38,611 --> 00:09:41,480 MISINFORMATION ON C.B. RADIO. "BREAKER, BREAKER 1-9. 156 00:09:41,547 --> 00:09:44,750 WHAT'S YOUR 20? I'M EIGHT MILES OUTSIDE THE 157 00:09:44,817 --> 00:09:46,152 CHICKEN COOP LOOKING FOR SOME GO-GO JUICE, BUT BILL GATES 158 00:09:46,218 --> 00:09:49,021 ALREADY KNOWS THAT. BACK IT DOWN, SMOKEY'S ON THE 159 00:09:49,088 --> 00:09:51,057 FLIP-FLOP WITH HIS EARS ON AND BALLS LARGE. 160 00:09:51,123 --> 00:10:01,701 COME ON BACK, TEDDYBEAR." ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 161 00:10:01,767 --> 00:10:07,073 >> Stephen: I GOT SEAT COVERS GOING BY A BUBBLE GUM MACHINE, 162 00:10:07,139 --> 00:10:10,476 GOT YOUR SMOKE DETECTOR ON? ( PIANO RIFF ) 163 00:10:10,543 --> 00:10:12,445 ( APPLAUSE ) THESE PROTESTERS HAVE A LOT IN 164 00:10:12,511 --> 00:10:13,479 COMMON WITH THEIR NEIGHBORS TO THE SOUTH-- 165 00:10:13,546 --> 00:10:14,914 THE DEEP SOUTH. BECAUSE FOR SOME REASON THAT 166 00:10:14,981 --> 00:10:16,515 NO ONE WILL EVER BE ABLE TO EXPLAIN, MANY OF THEM ARE 167 00:10:16,582 --> 00:10:18,050 HOLDING CONFEDERATE FLAGS. I DIDN'T KNOW YOU COULD SECEDE 168 00:10:18,117 --> 00:10:20,753 FROM A COUNTRY YOU WEREN'T PART OF. 169 00:10:20,820 --> 00:10:22,488 ( LAUGHTER ) THOUGH, WHO COULD FORGET 170 00:10:22,555 --> 00:10:26,225 CANADA'S GREAT CIVIL WAR HERO, STONEWALL BEAVER? 171 00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:30,162 ( LAUGHTER ) THESE FLAGS OF HATRED AREN'T THE 172 00:10:30,229 --> 00:10:32,164 ONLY UGLY PART OF THIS PROTEST. CANADIAN AUTHORITIES SAY 173 00:10:32,231 --> 00:10:34,333 URINE STAINS WERE SEEN ON SNOW COVERING THE NATIONAL WAR 174 00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:38,070 MEMORIAL, AND DEMONSTRATORS WERE ALSO SEEN DANCING ON THE TOMB OF 175 00:10:38,137 --> 00:10:41,507 THE UNKNOWN SOLDIER. THAT'S REPREHENSIBLE. 176 00:10:41,574 --> 00:10:45,711 THOSE PEOPLE SHOULD BE ROUNDED UP AND PUT ON "THE 177 00:10:45,778 --> 00:10:48,781 MASKED SINGER." ( LAUGHTER ) 178 00:10:48,848 --> 00:10:51,350 THIS IS A NATIONAL EMBARRASSMENT. 179 00:10:51,417 --> 00:10:54,987 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF ) 180 00:10:55,054 --> 00:10:57,590 AND I JUST WANT TO SAY, CANADA? THANK YOU. 181 00:10:57,656 --> 00:11:00,860 I'M SO GLAD WE'RE NOT THE ONLY ONES ANYMORE. 182 00:11:00,926 --> 00:11:02,561 IN FACT, "US WEEKLY" JUST FEATURED THE TWO COUNTRIES IN 183 00:11:02,628 --> 00:11:06,766 "WHO DISGRACED IT BEST?" AND, I'M BEING TOLD IT'S STILL 184 00:11:06,832 --> 00:11:10,836 US. BECAUSE, ACCORDING TO OFFICIALS, 185 00:11:10,903 --> 00:11:15,207 THERE'S A "SIGNIFICANT ELEMENT" FROM THE U.S. IS INVOLVED IN THE 186 00:11:15,274 --> 00:11:17,777 SELF-DESCRIBED "FREEDOM CONVOY" IN CANADA. 187 00:11:17,843 --> 00:11:21,680 OH. ON BEHALF OF ALL AMERICANS, 188 00:11:21,747 --> 00:11:28,087 CANADA, LET ME JUST SAY, "SORRY." 189 00:11:28,154 --> 00:11:34,660 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 190 00:11:34,727 --> 00:11:37,029 HERE IN THE STATES, IN ADDITION TO ANGER ABOUT COVID, THERE'S 191 00:11:37,096 --> 00:11:41,700 ALSO ANGER ABOUT SHORTAGES. LIKE THIS WEEKEND OUTSIDE 192 00:11:41,767 --> 00:11:43,436 PHILADELPHIA, WHEN A MASSIVE BRAWL BROKE OUT AT A GOLDEN 193 00:11:43,502 --> 00:11:46,872 CORRAL BUFFET, WITH A MOB OF PATRONS HURLING PUNCHES AND 194 00:11:46,939 --> 00:11:50,910 CHAIRS. NOW, IF YOU DON'T KNOW GOLDEN 195 00:11:50,976 --> 00:11:54,313 CORRAL, IT'S WHERE YOU TAKE YOUR DATE WHEN THEY'RE NOT QUITE 196 00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:59,351 WORTH SPENDING SIZZLER MONEY. SO, WHY WOULD THIS 197 00:11:59,418 --> 00:12:01,754 NORMALLY-PEACEFUL MEAT TROUGH BECOME A PLACE FOR A VIOLENT 198 00:12:01,821 --> 00:12:05,624 BEEF? A LACK OF BEEF. 199 00:12:05,691 --> 00:12:09,195 >> OFFICERS ARE STILL LOOKING INTO WHAT CAUSED THE ARGUMENT. 200 00:12:09,261 --> 00:12:13,232 >> FROM WHAT I HEARD, IT WAS OVER STEAK. 201 00:12:13,299 --> 00:12:14,300 APPARENTLY, SOMEBODY CUT IN LINE. 202 00:12:14,366 --> 00:12:15,901 >> HIS FRIEND HEARD THE SAME DETAILS. 203 00:12:15,968 --> 00:12:21,340 >> THERE WAS A SHORTAGE OF STEAK. 204 00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:23,109 ( LAUGHTER ) >> STEPHEN: I AM LOVING THIS NEW 205 00:12:23,175 --> 00:12:29,482 SEASON OF "MARE OF EASTTOWN." ( LAUGHTER ) 206 00:12:29,548 --> 00:12:37,990 LET'S CHECK OUT SOME FOOTAGE FROM THE FIGHT: 207 00:12:38,057 --> 00:12:42,995 ( SCREAMING ) >> OH, ( BLEEP )! 208 00:12:43,062 --> 00:12:44,230 >> STEPHEN: AND I'M BEING ASSURED THAT THIS IS SOMEHOW 209 00:12:44,296 --> 00:12:46,732 DIFFERENT FROM A NORMAL NIGHT AT GOLDEN CORRAL. 210 00:12:46,799 --> 00:12:51,537 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 211 00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:56,876 DID YOU SEE THAT BABY CHAIR FLY? LOOK AT THAT. 212 00:12:56,942 --> 00:12:59,211 DON'T WORRY, THE CHILD LANDED SAFELY N A TRAY OF NANER 213 00:12:59,278 --> 00:13:02,715 PUDDING. ( LAUGHTER ) 214 00:13:02,781 --> 00:13:06,118 WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. 215 00:13:06,185 --> 00:13:07,386 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) MY GUEST IS DUA LIPA. 216 00:13:07,453 --> 00:13:09,955 BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, "FIRST DRAFTS" OF VALENTINE'S DAY CARDS 217 00:13:10,022 --> 00:13:13,826 WITH MY VALENTINE, EVIE. STICK AROUND. 218 00:13:46,458 --> 00:13:47,326 ( BAND PLAYING ) >> Stephen: JON BATISTE AND 219 00:13:47,393 --> 00:13:49,461 "STAY HUMAN" EVERYBODY RIGHT THERE! 220 00:13:49,528 --> 00:13:57,436 THERE YOU GO! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 221 00:13:57,503 --> 00:14:02,208 JON -- JON, MY FRIEND, I HOLD IN MY HOT LITTLE HAND HERE THE 222 00:14:02,274 --> 00:14:05,878 CARDS TO BE TALKING TO OUR GUEST TONIGHT, THE LOVELY, TALENTED, 223 00:14:05,945 --> 00:14:08,847 THE ONE AND ONLY DUA LIPA IS GOING TO BE OUT HERE. 224 00:14:08,914 --> 00:14:12,718 >> Jon: THAT'S GREAT! I LOVE HER, I LOVE HER! 225 00:14:12,785 --> 00:14:18,190 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, 226 00:14:18,257 --> 00:14:19,525 VALENTINES DAY IS IN A WEEK AND A HALF, AND A BIG VALENTINE'S 227 00:14:19,592 --> 00:14:20,659 DAY TRADITION IS THE VALENTINES CARD. 228 00:14:20,726 --> 00:14:21,894 THERE ARE LOTS OF GREAT ONES OUT THERE, BUT THEY DON'T 229 00:14:21,961 --> 00:14:23,128 ALL GET IT ON THE FIRST TRY. SO TONIGHT, WE'LL TAKE A LOOK AT 230 00:14:23,195 --> 00:14:25,431 SOME OF THE EARLY ATTEMPTS IN OUR SEGMENT: 231 00:14:25,497 --> 00:14:30,469 FIRST DRAFTS. ♪♪ 232 00:14:30,536 --> 00:14:33,005 ♪♪ >> NO, NO, STUPID! 233 00:14:33,072 --> 00:14:35,207 ♪♪ ♪♪ 234 00:14:35,274 --> 00:14:43,082 >> Stephen: AS ALWAYS, FOR FIRST DRAFTS, I NEED A LITTLE 235 00:14:43,148 --> 00:14:47,386 HELP. MY WIFE EVIE MAGEE. 236 00:14:47,453 --> 00:14:51,357 THERE YOU GO. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 237 00:14:51,423 --> 00:14:58,530 ( PIANO RIFF ) THAT'S NICE. 238 00:14:58,597 --> 00:15:02,501 >> THAT'S SO SWEET, THANK YOU! >> Stephen: YOU LOOK 239 00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:05,638 FANTASTIC. >> YOU'RE LIKE ALL MY BEST 240 00:15:05,704 --> 00:15:06,572 FRIENDS! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 241 00:15:06,639 --> 00:15:09,241 >> Stephen: DARLING, HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY. 242 00:15:09,308 --> 00:15:11,243 >> SAME TO YOU. >> Stephen: HERE'S CHOCOLATE. 243 00:15:11,310 --> 00:15:14,680 IS IT ACTUALLY CHOCOLATE. >> YES. 244 00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:17,850 >> Stephen: THAT IS FOR LATER. DARLING, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 245 00:15:17,916 --> 00:15:20,886 DOING THIS. >> IT'S SO NICE OF YOU TO HAVE 246 00:15:20,953 --> 00:15:23,088 ME BACK. >> Stephen: IT'S A PLEASURE. 247 00:15:23,155 --> 00:15:26,392 YOU DON'T MIND DOING THIS? >> NO, I'M GOOD. 248 00:15:26,458 --> 00:15:27,693 >> Stephen: GOOD. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 249 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:31,330 WE STARTED THIS BECAUSE DURING COVID THERE WAS NO ONE ELSE WHO 250 00:15:31,397 --> 00:15:35,134 COULD DO IT. >> I STILL THINK THERE'S NO ONE 251 00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:36,268 ELSE. >> Stephen: THAT'S TRUE. 252 00:15:36,335 --> 00:15:40,906 IT TURNED OUT TO BE A LOT OF FUN. 253 00:15:40,973 --> 00:15:51,817 HERE IS HOW IT WORKS: IN FIRST DRAFTS, I SHOW YOU A 254 00:15:51,884 --> 00:15:53,152 VALENTINE THAT SOLD IN STORES. 255 00:15:53,218 --> 00:15:57,589 AND THEN I SHOW YOU THE NOT-SO-GOOD FIRST DRAFT. 256 00:15:57,656 --> 00:16:01,794 THIS PERSON'S GOT AN INTERNATIONAL FEEL. 257 00:16:01,860 --> 00:16:03,395 "AMOR? AMOUR? AMORE?. NO MATTER THE 258 00:16:03,462 --> 00:16:11,270 LANGUAGE, I LOVE YOU!" >> VERY SWEET. 259 00:16:11,337 --> 00:16:15,107 >> Stephen: BUENO. THAT'S VERY NICE. 260 00:16:15,174 --> 00:16:16,575 BUT THE FIRST DRAFT SAID. "AMOR? AMOUR? AMORE?" 261 00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:19,011 "IT'S PRONOUNCED 'ARMOIRE,' RICK. 262 00:16:19,078 --> 00:16:22,815 MAYBE DUOLINGO JUST ISN'T YOUR THING." 263 00:16:22,881 --> 00:16:25,751 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 264 00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:28,520 I LIKE THIS. I LIKE THE FACT THAT THE 265 00:16:28,587 --> 00:16:31,190 SHOULDERS ARE BARE RIGHT HERE. THAT'S VERY RACY. 266 00:16:31,256 --> 00:16:34,293 >> I KNOW, I KNOW! >> Stephen: IN SOME COUNTRIES 267 00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:36,462 YOU CAN'T SHOW YOUR SHOULDERS LIKE THAT. 268 00:16:36,528 --> 00:16:38,831 THAT'S VERY NICE. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO FOR 269 00:16:38,897 --> 00:16:41,333 VALENTINE'S DAY? WE DON'T HAVE PLANS YET. 270 00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:43,001 >> AREN'T WE GOING TO WATCH THE SUPER BOWL? 271 00:16:43,068 --> 00:16:44,636 IT'S SUPER BOWL. >> Stephen: IT'S MONDAY, 272 00:16:44,703 --> 00:16:46,739 RIGHT? VALENTINE'S DAY'S ON A MONDAY, 273 00:16:46,805 --> 00:16:50,175 SO, NO, WE'RE NOT GOING TO WATCH THE SUPER BOWL ON MONDAY. 274 00:16:50,242 --> 00:16:55,681 WE COULD. WE COULD RECORD IT AND JUST ALL 275 00:16:55,748 --> 00:16:59,852 DAY SAY -- NOBODY TELL ME! >> WHY DON'T I COME BACK NEXT 276 00:16:59,918 --> 00:17:02,855 WEEK AND WE'LL GO TO DINNER? >> Stephen: THERE ARE NO SHOWS 277 00:17:02,921 --> 00:17:05,324 NEXT WEEK. FEEL FREE TO COME BACK. 278 00:17:05,391 --> 00:17:07,526 >> YOU'RE ON ON VALENTINE'S DAY. >> Stephen: OKAY. 279 00:17:07,593 --> 00:17:10,963 IF YOU SAY SO. IS SHE RIGHT? 280 00:17:11,029 --> 00:17:11,964 >> YEAH. >> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW. 281 00:17:12,030 --> 00:17:14,333 I DON'T KNOW. LET'S NOT FIGHT IN FRONT OF THE 282 00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:17,403 KIDS. >> WHO KEEPS THE CALENDAR? 283 00:17:17,469 --> 00:17:21,073 >> Stephen: YOU DO, AND ALL THE MONEY, BY THE WAY. 284 00:17:21,140 --> 00:17:24,076 I HAVE NO IDEA. YOU COULD JUST GRAB THE 285 00:17:24,143 --> 00:17:28,147 CHECKBOOK AND RUN -- >> AND I CAN'T EVEN AFFORD 286 00:17:28,213 --> 00:17:30,849 >> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT. YOU'RE A HOBO. 287 00:17:30,916 --> 00:17:35,287 MY HOBO WIFE. WE'LL STITCH SOME BANDANA ON 288 00:17:35,354 --> 00:17:40,292 THERE. HERE'S ONE WHO HAS A CUTE BAGEL 289 00:17:40,359 --> 00:17:41,226 THEM. IT SAYS: 290 00:17:41,293 --> 00:17:42,494 "YOU'RE MY EVERYTHING. WE'RE BAE-GOALS!" 291 00:17:42,561 --> 00:17:44,830 AW, THAT'S NICE. BUT THE FIRST DRAFT SAID 292 00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:51,036 "YOU'RE MY EVERYTHING. BUT I NEED SOME SESAME TIME." 293 00:17:51,103 --> 00:17:54,740 ( LAUGHTER ) I DON'T. 294 00:17:54,807 --> 00:17:56,208 I DON'T. I WILL ASK FOR THE CARD. 295 00:17:56,275 --> 00:17:58,277 DON'T RUSH ME HERE! >> WHOO! 296 00:17:58,343 --> 00:18:02,014 >> Stephen: DON'T RUSH ME. WOW, SOMEBODY'S GETTING BOSSY. 297 00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:06,518 CAN I HAVE THE CARD, PLEASE? ( LAUGHTER ) 298 00:18:06,585 --> 00:18:08,487 >> NO. YOU HAVE TO ASK NICELY. 299 00:18:08,554 --> 00:18:11,857 >> Stephen: MAY I PLEASE? I SAID MAY I HAVE THE CARD 300 00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:14,193 PLEASE? ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 301 00:18:14,259 --> 00:18:22,301 ( PIANO RIFF ) HERE'S A SWEET ONE. 302 00:18:22,367 --> 00:18:23,402 "THIS RELATIONSHIP IS ON THE RIGHT TACK! 303 00:18:23,469 --> 00:18:31,543 AND I CHOO-CHOO CHOOSE YOU!" THAT IS REALLY NICE. 304 00:18:31,610 --> 00:18:35,280 BUT THE FIRST DRAFT SAID: "THIS RELATIONSHIP IS ON THE 305 00:18:35,347 --> 00:18:38,984 RIGHT TRACK. I'M INTO CABOOSE PLAY." 306 00:18:39,051 --> 00:18:42,521 ( AUDIENE REACTS ) DO YOU NEED ME TO EXPLAIN THAT 307 00:18:42,588 --> 00:18:44,490 ONE TO YOU? >> NO, WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT 308 00:18:44,556 --> 00:18:45,524 THAT. >> Stephen: OKAY. 309 00:18:45,591 --> 00:18:49,728 MAY I PLEASE HAVE THE -- FIRST CARD. 310 00:18:49,795 --> 00:18:51,864 ( LAUGHTER ) WORK MY WAY BACK INTO YOUR GOOD 311 00:18:51,930 --> 00:18:55,734 GRACES BY THE TIME THIS SEGMENT'S OVER. 312 00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:57,169 HERE'S ONE THAT SAYS "YOU'RE CUTE AS A BUTTON. 313 00:18:57,236 --> 00:19:05,310 THANKS FOR HOLDING ME TOGETHER." >> AW... 314 00:19:05,377 --> 00:19:08,914 >> Stephen: THAT IMMILES THE CENTER OF THE CARD HAS HAD SOME 315 00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:13,118 SORT OF NERVOUS BREAKDOWNS. >> WE NEED TO BE HELD TOGETHER. 316 00:19:13,185 --> 00:19:17,656 EVERYONE'S HAD A BREAKDOWN. >> Stephen: BUT THE FIRST 317 00:19:17,723 --> 00:19:18,657 THRAFT SAID "YOU'RE CUTE AS A BUTTON. 318 00:19:18,724 --> 00:19:19,758 BUT ALL MY PANTS ARE DRAWSTRING NOW. 319 00:19:19,825 --> 00:19:25,163 I HAVE GIVEN UP." >> I ACTUALLY THINK THAT IS 320 00:19:25,230 --> 00:19:27,966 PRETTY CUTE, TOO. >> Stephen: THAT IS CUTE, TOO. 321 00:19:28,033 --> 00:19:30,969 >> DO YOU WANT IT? >> Stephen: I DO WANT IT. 322 00:19:31,036 --> 00:19:32,237 ( LAUGHTER ) ( AUDIENCE REACTS ) 323 00:19:32,304 --> 00:19:38,310 ( APPLAUSE ) OKAY. 324 00:19:38,377 --> 00:19:46,785 HERE'S ONE THAT SAYS, "MY HEART IS YOURS, YOU ARE MY EVERYTHING. 325 00:19:46,852 --> 00:19:49,388 HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY DAY." >> VERY CUTE. 326 00:19:49,454 --> 00:19:52,090 >> Stephen: THE SECOND ONE SAYS, 327 00:19:52,157 --> 00:19:53,158 "MY HEART IS YOURS. BUT THE FIRST DRAFT 328 00:19:53,225 --> 00:19:55,427 SAID, "MY HEART IS YOURS. SO TECHNICALLY, IT'S 'OUR' 329 00:19:55,494 --> 00:20:02,167 CHOLESTEROL PROBLEM." DO YOU KNOW WHAT. 330 00:20:02,234 --> 00:20:04,603 >> DOES IT HAVE TO DO WITH HIGH CHOLESTEROL. 331 00:20:04,670 --> 00:20:07,973 >> Stephen: I DO. THE FIRST PRESCRIPTION AS A MID 332 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:14,613 '50s MAN, I GOT LIPITOR FOR MY BIRTHDAY. 333 00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:18,350 WHAT DID YOU GET ME? >> A PILL BOX. 334 00:20:18,417 --> 00:20:21,386 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HUMILIATING. 335 00:20:21,453 --> 00:20:24,723 SHE WATCHED ME OPEN IT LIKE THI- ( LAUGHTR ) 336 00:20:24,790 --> 00:20:27,225 THIS IS THE LAST ONE. MAYBE THE LAST ONE EVER. 337 00:20:27,292 --> 00:20:29,895 >> YOU THREW IT AWAY. >> Stephen: NO, IT'S SOMEWHERE 338 00:20:29,962 --> 00:20:31,396 IN THERE. DID I? 339 00:20:31,463 --> 00:20:32,831 >> YES. >> Stephen: GIVE ME THE CARD. 340 00:20:32,898 --> 00:20:38,203 >> THEY MAKE THEM NOW WITH A.M. -- I THINK MY MOM HAS ONE 341 00:20:38,270 --> 00:20:47,045 WITH A.M., MIDDLE OF THE DAY, P.M., THEY ARE ELABORATE PILL PL 342 00:20:47,112 --> 00:20:49,781 BOXES. >> Stephen: I LOOK FORWARD TO 343 00:20:49,848 --> 00:20:50,782 IT. HERE'S ONE FOR ANY DOG LOVERS 344 00:20:50,849 --> 00:20:51,717 OUT THERE, IT SAYS "LIFE CAN BE RUFF. 345 00:20:51,783 --> 00:20:54,553 BUT I'M DOGGONE LUCKY TO HAVE YOU." 346 00:20:54,620 --> 00:20:57,422 ( AUDIENCE REACTS ) >> SWEET. 347 00:20:57,489 --> 00:21:00,492 >> Stephen: THAT IS TRUE, DARLING. 348 00:21:00,559 --> 00:21:01,627 BUT THE FIRST DRAFT SAID "LIFE CAN BE RUFF. 349 00:21:01,693 --> 00:21:05,063 WHICH IS WHY, WHEN I'M STRESSED, I PEE IN YOUR CLOSET." 350 00:21:05,130 --> 00:21:10,869 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY. 351 00:21:10,936 --> 00:21:12,904 >> HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY. >> Stephen: IT'S MY GIRLFRIEND 352 00:21:12,971 --> 00:21:15,607 EVIE! WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK! 353 00:21:15,674 --> 00:21:16,675 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING ) 354 00:21:36,928 --> 00:21:39,331 ( BAND PLAYING ) >> Stephen: HERE WE GO. 355 00:21:39,398 --> 00:21:45,170 WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BOYS AND 356 00:21:45,237 --> 00:21:50,275 GIRLS, CHILDREN OF ALL AGES -- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 357 00:21:50,342 --> 00:21:54,946 -- Y'ALL KNOW MY GUEST TONIGHT AS A 358 00:21:55,013 --> 00:21:56,214 THREE-TIME GRAMMY AWARD-WINNING SINGER AND SONGWRITER, WITH HITS 359 00:21:56,281 --> 00:21:58,450 LIKE "DON'T START NOW," "PHYSICAL," AND "LEVITATING." 360 00:21:58,517 --> 00:22:05,624 PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," DUA LIPA! 361 00:22:05,691 --> 00:22:20,572 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING ) 362 00:22:20,639 --> 00:22:23,975 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING ) 363 00:22:24,042 --> 00:22:29,681 >> Stephen: IT IS NICE TO HAVE 364 00:22:29,748 --> 00:22:31,616 YOU BACK. THANKS FOR BEING HERE. 365 00:22:31,683 --> 00:22:33,118 >> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR HAVING ME. 366 00:22:33,185 --> 00:22:34,953 FULL HOUSE. >> Stephen: ISN'T THAT NICE? 367 00:22:35,020 --> 00:22:39,424 >> THIS IS AMAZING. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 368 00:22:39,491 --> 00:22:42,527 >> Stephen: NOW, THE LAST TIME YOU WERE ON HERE WAS BEFORE 369 00:22:42,594 --> 00:22:43,562 COVID. >> YES. 370 00:22:43,628 --> 00:22:46,431 >> Stephen: NOT THAT LONG BEFORE, BUT YOU HAD AN 371 00:22:46,498 --> 00:22:48,066 EXTRAORDINARY LAST COUPLE OF YEARS. 372 00:22:48,133 --> 00:22:50,869 WELL, CRAZY THINGS WERE HAPPENING IN THE WORLD, CRAZY 373 00:22:50,936 --> 00:22:54,139 SUCCESS WAS HAPPENING FOR YOU. ROLLING STONE CALLED YOU THE 374 00:22:54,206 --> 00:22:58,076 BREAKOUT POP STAR OF THE PANDEMIC BECAUSE, I WANT TO 375 00:22:58,143 --> 00:23:07,152 POINT OUT, THIS YEAR, YOUR ALBUM "FUTURE NOSTALGIA "-- 376 00:23:07,219 --> 00:23:09,988 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) -- NOW, THE WORLD BASICALLY SHUT 377 00:23:10,055 --> 00:23:16,061 DOWN ON MARCH 12 OF 2020, AND THIS ALBUM DROPPED MARCH 7th, 378 00:23:16,128 --> 00:23:24,002 2020, AND THEN YOU WON A GRAMMY FOR IT IN 2021. 379 00:23:24,069 --> 00:23:26,138 A LONG WINDUP TO A SIMPLE QUESTION. 380 00:23:26,204 --> 00:23:29,674 WHAT WAS IT LIKE TO HAVE THIS EXPLOSIVE SUCCESS AND NOT BE 381 00:23:29,741 --> 00:23:33,111 ABLE TO GO OUT IN THE WORLD AND ENJOY IT OR ENGAGE? 382 00:23:33,178 --> 00:23:36,248 YOU HAD TO KIND OF SEE IT FROM A DISTANCE. 383 00:23:36,314 --> 00:23:39,951 >> WELL, I THINK, TO BEGIN WITH, THE WHOLE IDEA OF PUTTING THE 384 00:23:40,018 --> 00:23:43,922 ALBUM OUT, LIKE MOST PEOPLE, I THOUGHT, OH, THE PANDEMIC, TWO 385 00:23:43,989 --> 00:23:45,624 WEEKS. TWO YEARS LATER, WE'RE STILL 386 00:23:45,690 --> 00:23:46,758 HERE. >> Stephen: MM-HMM. 387 00:23:46,825 --> 00:23:51,663 >> BUT I HAD WORKED ON THIS ALBUM FOR SO LONG, AND I HAD 388 00:23:51,730 --> 00:23:54,332 JUST KIND OF BEEN HOLDING IT. FOR A WHILE, I WAS VERY 389 00:23:54,399 --> 00:23:57,335 PASSIONATE ABOUT IT, I WAS VERY PROUD OF IT AS WELL. 390 00:23:57,402 --> 00:24:01,907 IT WAS A BODY OF WORK WHERE I FINALLY FOUND MY CONFIDENCE AND 391 00:24:01,973 --> 00:24:04,743 WHO I WAS AS AN ARTIST AND A SONG WRITER. 392 00:24:04,810 --> 00:24:09,181 SO WHEN EVERYTHING SHUT DOWN, I THINK THERE WAS A BIG PART OF ME 393 00:24:09,247 --> 00:24:12,818 THAT JUST DIDN'T WANT TO BELIEVE IT, AND I FELT LIKE WITH SO MUCH 394 00:24:12,884 --> 00:24:15,921 UNCERTAINTY AND WITH EVERYTHING GOING ON, I THOUGHT MAYBE NOW IS 395 00:24:15,987 --> 00:24:19,391 THE TIME TO RELEASE THIS ALBUM, AND I'M REALLY HAPPY I DID 396 00:24:19,457 --> 00:24:22,694 BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE -- AND I HAVE THIS WHOLE PHILOSOPHY THAT 397 00:24:22,761 --> 00:24:27,999 UP UNTIL THE POINT THAT THERE'S MUSIC GET RELEASED, IT BELONGS 398 00:24:28,066 --> 00:24:31,736 TO ME. ONCE IT'S OUT, IT'S NO LONGER 399 00:24:31,803 --> 00:24:33,071 MINE. AND, SO, WHEN I SEE IT LIKE THAT 400 00:24:33,138 --> 00:24:38,310 AND THE MUSIC IS OUT THERE, AND I HAVE IT IN THE HOPES THAT 401 00:24:38,376 --> 00:24:41,146 THESE SONGS FIND A HOME WITH OTHER PEOPLE, THAT I FELT LIKE 402 00:24:41,213 --> 00:24:44,249 THIS IS THE PERFECT TIME TO RELEASE IT. 403 00:24:44,316 --> 00:24:50,722 AND, SO, PEOPLE'S REACTION HAVING BEEN THE WAY THAT IT WAS 404 00:24:50,789 --> 00:24:54,926 WAS JUST MIND BLOWING. IT WAS BEYOND ANYTHING I COULD 405 00:24:54,993 --> 00:24:58,496 HAVE EVER HOPED FOR AND MAYBE THAT WAS ACTUALLY THE FAITH THAT 406 00:24:58,563 --> 00:25:01,967 THE ALBUM WAS MEANT TO HAVE. >> Stephen: PEOPLE ARE GLAD 407 00:25:02,033 --> 00:25:07,439 YOU DID BECAUSE "LEVITATING" WAS THE MOST STREAMED SONG OF 2021 408 00:25:07,505 --> 00:25:10,442 IN THE UNITED STATES. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 409 00:25:10,508 --> 00:25:16,681 I'M JUST CURIOUS, BECAUSE I KNOW YOU ARE A BRILLIANT PERFORMER, 410 00:25:16,748 --> 00:25:21,353 BUT YOU ALSO WROTE THE SONG, YOU'RE A SONG WRITER AT THE SAME 411 00:25:21,419 --> 00:25:22,621 TIME. >> YEAH. 412 00:25:22,687 --> 00:25:24,689 >> Stephen: DID YOU KNOW WHEN YOU RELEASED THIS ALBUM, IT WAS 413 00:25:24,756 --> 00:25:28,426 GOING TO BE "LEVITATING"? THERE ARE A BUNCH OF BANGERS ON 414 00:25:28,493 --> 00:25:30,829 THERE BUT THAT ONE WAS AN EXTRAORDINARY SUCCESS. 415 00:25:30,896 --> 00:25:32,330 DO YOU KNOW IT'S GOING TO BE THAT ONE? 416 00:25:32,397 --> 00:25:35,033 >> DEFINITELY NOT. I MEAN, I CAN NEVER PREEMPT, 417 00:25:35,100 --> 00:25:38,136 LIKE, WHAT SONG IS THE ONE THAT PEOPLE ARE GOING TO REACT WITH 418 00:25:38,203 --> 00:25:45,210 THE BEST, BUT "LEVITATING" WAS THE FIRST SONG THAT HELPED 419 00:25:45,277 --> 00:25:49,814 DICTATE THE REST OF THE ALBUM. IT WAS THE ONE SONG WHERE I WAS, 420 00:25:49,881 --> 00:25:53,852 LIKE, THIS IS WHAT I FEEL LIKE FUTURE NOSTALGIA IS. 421 00:25:53,919 --> 00:25:58,423 I HAD A GOOD IDEA AFTER WRITING "LEVITATING" OF WHAT THE REST OF 422 00:25:58,490 --> 00:26:00,025 THE ALBUM WAS GOING TO SOUND LIKE. 423 00:26:00,091 --> 00:26:03,895 AND I THINK I HAD SUCH A POWERFUL FEELING, BEING IN THE 424 00:26:03,962 --> 00:26:09,367 STUDIO AFTER WRITING "LEVITATING" WITH MY FRIENDS, 425 00:26:09,434 --> 00:26:13,071 AND I THINK WE ALL FELT SO ENERGIZED AND SO EXCITED 426 00:26:13,138 --> 00:26:15,373 AFTERWARDS, SO IT WAS VERY SPECIAL. 427 00:26:15,440 --> 00:26:17,542 >> Stephen: YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO GO ON A WORLD TOUR SHORTLY 428 00:26:17,609 --> 00:26:20,145 AFTER THE ALBUM. >> YES. 429 00:26:20,211 --> 00:26:22,480 >> Stephen: WHEN WERE YOU SUPPOSED TO GO ON TOUR? 430 00:26:22,547 --> 00:26:26,985 >> APRIL OF 2020. >> Stephen: AND YOU THOUGHT, 431 00:26:27,052 --> 00:26:30,922 IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN, WE'LL TAKE A BREAK. 432 00:26:30,989 --> 00:26:35,894 AND TWO YEARS LATER YOU'RE ABOUT TO LAUNCH THE WORLD TOUR NOW, 23 433 00:26:35,961 --> 00:26:37,395 COUNTRIES, SOMETHING LIKE THAT? >> YEAH. 434 00:26:37,462 --> 00:26:40,065 >> Stephen: SO MUCH PLANNING GOES INTO A WORLD TOUR, IT'S 435 00:26:40,131 --> 00:26:43,168 LIKE AN INVASION. HOW IS IT GOING TO BE DIFFERENT 436 00:26:43,234 --> 00:26:54,079 NOW, YOU KNOW, IN 2022 THAN 2020? 437 00:26:54,145 --> 00:26:56,681 HOW IS COVID GOING TO CHANGE THE TOUR FOR YOU. 438 00:26:56,748 --> 00:26:59,551 >> MASSIVELY DIFFERENT. INITIALLY WHEN I WAS GOING TO GO 439 00:26:59,617 --> 00:27:04,422 ON TOUR IT WAS ONLY MEANT TO BE A MONTH AFTER THE ALBUM IS OUT. 440 00:27:04,489 --> 00:27:07,759 I HOPED THE FANS WOULD QUICKLY LEARN THE LYRICS AND COME AND 441 00:27:07,826 --> 00:27:10,261 WATCH ME. BUT THIS TIME I'VE DONE A LOT OF 442 00:27:10,328 --> 00:27:13,398 AUDIENCE RESEARCH, AND, SO, I FEEL LIKE I KNOW WHICH SONGS 443 00:27:13,465 --> 00:27:18,370 PEOPLE LIKE, AND THE FUTURE NOSTALGIA TOUR REALLY IS THE 444 00:27:18,436 --> 00:27:19,637 FUTURE NOSTALGIA TOUR BECAUSE IT PREDOMINANTLY IS THE SONGS FROM 445 00:27:19,704 --> 00:27:22,440 THE ALBUM WHERE I THINK BEFORE IT WOULD HAVE BEEN BITS HERE AND 446 00:27:22,507 --> 00:27:25,944 THERE AND LOTS FROM MY FIRST ALBUM AND NOW IT'S LIKE THE 447 00:27:26,011 --> 00:27:28,880 FIRST COMBINATION, THE VERY BEST OF. 448 00:27:28,947 --> 00:27:30,181 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A 449 00:27:30,248 --> 00:27:33,752 BREAK, BUT STICK AROUND. WHEN WE COME BACK, I ASK DUA 450 00:27:33,818 --> 00:27:37,355 LIPA ABOUT HER COLLABORATION WITH SIR ELTON JOHN. 451 00:27:44,929 --> 00:27:45,797 ( BAND PLAYING ) >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 452 00:27:45,864 --> 00:27:47,565 WE'RE BACK! WITH DUA LIPA. 453 00:27:47,632 --> 00:27:52,037 YOU DID SOMETHING THAT I'M FAIRLY JEALOUS OF. 454 00:27:52,103 --> 00:27:56,674 YOU ACTUALLY RELEASED A SONG WITH NONE OTHER THAN SIR ELTON 455 00:27:56,741 --> 00:28:02,647 JOHN. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 456 00:28:02,714 --> 00:28:05,517 I'M CURIOUS -- HE IS ONE OF THE GREATEST. 457 00:28:05,583 --> 00:28:09,687 HOW DID THIS COME ABOUT? I HEARD THIS WAS HIS IDEA. 458 00:28:09,754 --> 00:28:12,457 >> YES. IT WAS -- IT WAS ELTON'S IDEA, 459 00:28:12,524 --> 00:28:16,161 AND EVERY TIME I SAY IT, I THINK IT'S THE CRAZIEST THING IN THE 460 00:28:16,227 --> 00:28:17,729 WORLD, BECAUSE I CAN'T BELIEVE THE SONG -- 461 00:28:17,796 --> 00:28:23,768 >> Stephen: HERE'S THE SONG, IT'S CALLED COLD HEART. 462 00:28:23,835 --> 00:28:25,937 THERE YOU GO. >> IT WAS KIND OF FUNNY. 463 00:28:26,004 --> 00:28:29,307 ELTON AND I HAVE DONE A COUPLE OF THINGS TOGETHER. 464 00:28:29,374 --> 00:28:36,848 I ALSO PERFORMED WITH HIM FOR HIS AIDS FOUNDATION FOR THE 465 00:28:36,915 --> 00:28:40,552 OSCARS' OPENING, AND, AFTERWARDS, WE HAD DINNER IN 466 00:28:40,618 --> 00:28:45,090 L.A. AND THEN LITERALLY A COUPLE OF DAYS LATER I STARTED WRITING 467 00:28:45,156 --> 00:28:49,994 FOR MY NEW ALBUM, AND I WAS HANGING OUT BY THE POOL BEFORE 468 00:28:50,061 --> 00:28:53,098 GOING T DO SOME WRITING AND ALL OF A SUDDEN MY PHONE RINGS AND 469 00:28:53,164 --> 00:29:00,071 IT'S A FACETIME FROM ELTON AND HIS HUSBAND DAVID, CASUAL. 470 00:29:00,138 --> 00:29:05,210 I DON'T THINK IT'S CASUAL. I WAS IN MY BIKINI AND A COWBOY 471 00:29:05,276 --> 00:29:08,279 HAT. ITIT WASN'T BRAIL QUITE -- BUT I 472 00:29:08,346 --> 00:29:13,318 WOULDN'T HAVE IT ANY OTHER WAY. IT WAS PERFECT. 473 00:29:13,384 --> 00:29:17,722 AND WE WERE JUST, LIKE, WE HAD THIS IDEA, WE WOULD LOVE TO HAVE 474 00:29:17,789 --> 00:29:20,725 YOU ON THIS SONG. AND MIDDLE EAST I WAS, LIKE, ARE 475 00:29:20,792 --> 00:29:23,128 YOU JOKING? I WAS, LIKE, OF COURSE, I'D LOVE 476 00:29:23,194 --> 00:29:28,099 TO DO IT. NO, NO, YOU LISTEN TO IT FIRST 477 00:29:28,166 --> 00:29:32,971 AND DECIDE. AND I SAID, YOU KNOW -- NO, NO, 478 00:29:33,037 --> 00:29:37,342 YOU LISTEN TO IT AND LET US KNOW AFTERWARDS IF YOU WANT TO DO THE 479 00:29:37,408 --> 00:29:40,712 SONG. I KNEW I WAS. 480 00:29:40,778 --> 00:29:46,384 ABSOLUTELY. IT'S A REMIX OF "ROCKETMAN" AND 481 00:29:46,451 --> 00:29:48,119 "SACRIFICE." AND I BELIEVEDDENT BELIEVE IT. 482 00:29:48,186 --> 00:29:51,089 IT'S KIND OF CRAZY BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I MAN TESTED THIS IN A 483 00:29:51,156 --> 00:29:52,690 WAY. >> Stephen: YOU DREW HIM INTO 484 00:29:52,757 --> 00:29:56,060 YOUR LIFE BY READING "THE SECRET"? 485 00:29:56,127 --> 00:29:59,931 >> YES, YES. ( LAUGHTER ) 486 00:29:59,998 --> 00:30:05,904 NO, "ROCKETMAN" IS MY DRIVING SONG, IT'S MYSHOWER SONG, IT'S 487 00:30:05,970 --> 00:30:08,673 THE SONG I SING ALONG TO MYSELF. >> Stephen: REALLY? 488 00:30:08,740 --> 00:30:11,609 YOU CAN RELATE TO IT. >> YES. 489 00:30:11,676 --> 00:30:16,514 WELL, I LIKE TO SING ALONG TO IT. 490 00:30:16,581 --> 00:30:18,249 ( LAUGHTER ) I LIKE TO SING ALONG TO IT. 491 00:30:18,316 --> 00:30:20,652 I LOVE THE SONG. >> Stephen: I DO, TOO. 492 00:30:20,718 --> 00:30:24,289 YEAH. >> AND, SO, WHEN I GOT ASKED TO 493 00:30:24,355 --> 00:30:28,493 SING THAT PART, I WAS, LIKE, OKAY, IT WAS JUST MEANT TO BE, 494 00:30:28,560 --> 00:30:31,296 SO -- >> Stephen: ELTON, I'M 495 00:30:31,362 --> 00:30:34,332 AVAILABLE, TOO. I'M IS A HUGE FAN. 496 00:30:34,399 --> 00:30:37,702 I ALSO KNOW THE LYRICS TO "ROCKETMAN." 497 00:30:37,769 --> 00:30:40,038 ( LAUGHTER ) WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK 498 00:30:40,104 --> 00:30:41,639 BUT WE'LL BE BACK WITH MORE DUA LIPA, EVERYBODY. 499 00:30:41,706 --> 00:30:42,640 STICK AROUND. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 500 00:30:53,418 --> 00:30:55,486 ( BAND PLAYING ) >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 501 00:30:55,553 --> 00:30:58,156 WE'RE BACK WITH DUA LIPA. YOU JUST LAUNCHED SOMETHING. 502 00:30:58,223 --> 00:31:00,191 YOU'VE GOT TO EXPLAIN TO ME HERE. 503 00:31:00,258 --> 00:31:15,139 IT IS CALLED "SERVICE 95". WOULD YOU CALL A GLOBAL CONSI # 504 00:31:15,206 --> 00:31:26,251 IT IS CALLED "SERVICE 95". WOULD YOU CALL A GLOBAL CONSI # 505 00:31:26,317 --> 00:31:30,488 CONSIERGE SERVICE. >> I'LL GIVE YOU SOMEBACK STORY. 506 00:31:30,555 --> 00:31:34,492 SINCE I WAS YOUNG, I'M A LITTLE ORGANIZED AND CRAZY. 507 00:31:34,559 --> 00:31:38,196 I LOVE TO KEEP LISTS AND I WRITE DOWN LISTS WHETHER IT'S 508 00:31:38,263 --> 00:31:47,772 RESTAURANT RECOMMENDATIONS, MOVIES, I BOOKS, PLACES, HOTELS, 509 00:31:47,839 --> 00:31:50,208 PLACES TO STAY, NO MATTER WHERE I AM. 510 00:31:50,275 --> 00:31:54,379 I KEPT ADDING TO IT WHEN I WAS TOURING, CONSTANTLY PLACES I SAW 511 00:31:54,445 --> 00:31:56,347 ONLINE. KEPT ADDING TO IT WHEN TALKING 512 00:31:56,414 --> 00:31:59,851 TO MY FRIENDS, AND MY FRIENDS NO MATTER WHERE THEY ARE IN THE 513 00:31:59,917 --> 00:32:03,554 WORLD THEY CAN SEND ME A TEXT MESSAGE AND BE OKAY, I'M HERE, 514 00:32:03,621 --> 00:32:06,357 WHAT CAN I DO, WHERE'S THE BEST SHOPPING? 515 00:32:06,424 --> 00:32:09,093 I TAKE IT SERIOUSLY. I SAY, OKAY, THIS IS WHAT YOU 516 00:32:09,160 --> 00:32:10,361 CAN DO. >> Stephen: SURE. 517 00:32:10,428 --> 00:32:14,532 >> AND THAT WAS KIND OF THE IDEA INITIALLY BEHIND IT OF, OKAY, I 518 00:32:14,599 --> 00:32:17,635 WANT TO SHARE MY LISTS, RECOMMENDATIONS, THOUGHTS ALL 519 00:32:17,702 --> 00:32:21,572 INTO ONE NEWSLETTER AND THEN THE IDEA GREW MORE AND MORE. 520 00:32:21,639 --> 00:32:28,112 WELL, I ALSO THOUGHT, YOU KNOW, WE CAN HAVE LOTS OF DIFFERENT 521 00:32:28,179 --> 00:32:31,382 THOUGHTS, PERSPECTIVES, STORIES, ARTICLES THAT ARE REALLY 522 00:32:31,449 --> 00:32:34,686 INTERESTING THAT MAYBE YOU WOULDN'T FIND AS EASY. 523 00:32:34,752 --> 00:32:38,356 I WANTED TO MAKE ACTIVISM ACCESSIBLE TO PEOPLE WHO WANTED 524 00:32:38,423 --> 00:32:42,627 TO GET INVOLVED. I THOUGHT THERE WAS A LOT OF 525 00:32:42,694 --> 00:32:46,731 NOISE GOING ON ONLINE AND SOMETIMES IT'S HARD TO FILTER 526 00:32:46,798 --> 00:32:50,668 LEARN ABOUT, AND I WANT TO HELP GIVE PEOPLE THE TOOLS TO BE ABLE 527 00:32:50,735 --> 00:32:54,439 TO LEARN THINGS AND MAYBE -- IN MAYBE A DIFFERENT WAY. 528 00:32:54,505 --> 00:33:00,678 >> Stephen: IN THAT REGARD, YOU HAVE AN UP AND COMING 529 00:33:00,745 --> 00:33:04,582 PODCAST CALLED "AT YOUR SERVICE" THAT HASN'T BEEN RELEASED YET. 530 00:33:04,649 --> 00:33:06,951 ARE YOU GOING TO BE INTERVIEWING PEOPLE? 531 00:33:07,018 --> 00:33:08,653 >> I AM. >> Stephen: I KNOW YOU SUBBED 532 00:33:08,720 --> 00:33:12,223 IN FOR MY FRIEND JIMMY KIMMEL ON ABC. 533 00:33:12,290 --> 00:33:14,592 YOU CAN SIT IN HERE ANY"TIME," IF YOU WANT. 534 00:33:14,659 --> 00:33:16,794 >> THANK YOU, THANK YOU. >> Stephen: I'M EXHAUSTED. 535 00:33:16,861 --> 00:33:19,497 ( LAUGHTER ) DO YOU LIKE BEING INTERVIEWED OR 536 00:33:19,564 --> 00:33:21,632 INTERVIEWING? SOME PEOPLE DON'T LIKE BEING 537 00:33:21,699 --> 00:33:25,036 WHERE YOU ARE AND THEY LIKE THE SENSE OF CONTROL WHERE I AM. 538 00:33:25,103 --> 00:33:28,206 ( LAUGHTER ) I BEING ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE. 539 00:33:28,272 --> 00:33:32,610 >> I LIKE -- I'M REALLY ENJOYING INTERVIEWING PEOPLE, I REALLY 540 00:33:32,677 --> 00:33:35,279 AM, AND I REALLY LOVE THE RESEARCH ELEMENT TO IT AND 541 00:33:35,346 --> 00:33:36,948 LEARNING ABOUT PEOPLE. >> Stephen: IS THERE ANYTHING 542 00:33:37,014 --> 00:33:40,084 YOU WOULD LIKE TO ASK ME? ( LAUGHTER ) 543 00:33:40,151 --> 00:33:42,453 >> PUTTING ME ON THE SPOT. >> Stephen: WELL, YOU'RE THE 544 00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:45,223 GUEST, YOU GET TO DO WHAT YOU WANT. 545 00:33:45,289 --> 00:33:48,893 IF YOU'D RATHER INTERVIEW, YOU MAY INTERVIEW ME. 546 00:33:48,960 --> 00:33:52,130 >> OKAY, WELL -- LET ME THINK. JUST ONE SECOND. 547 00:33:52,196 --> 00:33:53,898 >> Stephen: IT'S CBS. >> ALL RIGHT. 548 00:33:53,965 --> 00:33:59,404 >> Stephen: THERE ARE LIMITS. >> OKAY, ALL RIGHT. 549 00:33:59,470 --> 00:34:04,675 UM -- OKAY. ALL RIGHT. 550 00:34:04,742 --> 00:34:10,214 BACK THAT WAY, PODCAST, VERY, VERY SERIOUS STUFF. 551 00:34:10,281 --> 00:34:11,516 SO -- >> Stephen: I LOVE YOUR SHOW 552 00:34:11,582 --> 00:34:15,119 BY THE WAY, AMAZING AUDIENCE. THANK YOU SO MUCH. 553 00:34:15,186 --> 00:34:17,688 GIVE THEM A ROUND OF APPLAUSE. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 554 00:34:17,755 --> 00:34:19,457 >> Stephen: I'M SUCH A FAN. I'M SUCH A FAN. 555 00:34:19,524 --> 00:34:26,964 I WAS SO NERVOUS BACKSTAGE. >> I'M SUCH A FAN OF YOU, I WAS 556 00:34:27,031 --> 00:34:33,037 SO NERVOUS FOR THE INTERVIEW. I APPRECIATE IT YOU HAVING ME 557 00:34:33,104 --> 00:34:35,973 HERE TONIGHT. >>. 558 00:34:36,040 --> 00:34:40,111 I THINK SOMETHING YOUR VIEWERS CONNECT WITH IN YOUR COMEDY AND 559 00:34:40,178 --> 00:34:44,649 YOUR HOSTING SKILLS ESPECIALLY IN THE PAST FEW YEARS IS HOW 560 00:34:44,715 --> 00:34:49,620 OPEN AND HONEST AND AUTHENTIC YOU ARE ABOUT THE ROLE YOUR 561 00:34:49,687 --> 00:34:53,491 FAITH PLAYS IN YOUR LIFE. >> Stephen: INTERESTING. 562 00:34:53,558 --> 00:34:59,130 >> AND I WAS WONDERING, IS THERE ANY, YOU KNOW -- DOES YOUR FAITH 563 00:34:59,197 --> 00:35:05,937 AND YOUR COMEDY EVER OVERLAP? AND DOES ONE EVER WIN OUT? 564 00:35:06,003 --> 00:35:10,208 >> Stephen: I THINK, ULTIMATELY, US ALL BEING MORTAL, 565 00:35:10,274 --> 00:35:14,479 THE FAITHFUL WENT OUT IN THE END, UT I CERTAINLY HOPE, WHEN 566 00:35:14,545 --> 00:35:19,350 I GET TO HEAVEN, JEEZ HAS A SENSE OF HUMOR -- JESUS HAS A 567 00:35:19,417 --> 00:35:23,087 SENSE OF HUMOR. BUT I WILL SAY THIS, SOMEBURN 568 00:35:23,154 --> 00:35:29,460 WAS ASKING -- SOMEONE WAS ASKING ME EARLIER -- THIS RELATES TO MY 569 00:35:29,527 --> 00:35:33,698 FAITH, I'M A CHRISTIAN AND A CATHOLIC, AND IT'S ALWAYS 570 00:35:33,764 --> 00:35:38,135 CONNECTED TO THE IDEA OF LOVE AND SACRIFICE BEING SOMEHOW 571 00:35:38,202 --> 00:35:44,375 RELATED AND GIVING YOURSELF TO OTHER PEOPLE AND DEATH IS NOT DO 572 00:35:44,442 --> 00:35:48,913 FEET, IF YOU -- DEFEAT, IF YOU SEE WHERE I'M GETTING AT. 573 00:35:48,980 --> 00:35:57,054 SOMEONE ASKED ME WHAT MOVIE I LIKE, AND IT'S "BELFAST." 574 00:35:57,121 --> 00:36:01,692 I'M IRISH-AMERICAN, AND IT'S SUCH AN IRISH MOVIE, AND IT'S 575 00:36:01,759 --> 00:36:06,330 ALSO A CATHOLIC THING, BECAUSE IT'S FUNNY, SAD AND FUNNY ABOUT 576 00:36:06,397 --> 00:36:08,900 BEING SAD. IN THE SAME WAY, THE SADNESS IS 577 00:36:08,966 --> 00:36:12,570 LIKE A LITTLE EMOTIONAL DEATH BUT NOT DEFEAT IF YOU CAN FIND A 578 00:36:12,637 --> 00:36:16,173 WAY TO LAUGH ABOUT IT BECAUSE THAT LAUGHTER KEEPS YOU FROM 579 00:36:16,240 --> 00:36:20,044 HAVING FEAR OF IT, AND FEAR KEEPS YOU FROM TURNING TO EVIL 580 00:36:20,111 --> 00:36:22,346 DEVICES TO SAVE YOU FROM THE SADNESS. 581 00:36:22,413 --> 00:36:26,784 AS ROBERT HAYDEN SAID, WE MUST NOT BE FRIGHTENED OR CONTROLLED 582 00:36:26,851 --> 00:36:30,488 INTO ACCEPTING EVIL AS OUR DELIVERANCE FROM EVILLER, WE 583 00:36:30,555 --> 00:36:35,760 MUST ACCEPT OUR HUMAN AT THIS. IF THERE'S A RELATIONSHIP 584 00:36:35,826 --> 00:36:39,263 BETWEEN MY FAITH AND COMEDY, IT'S YOU ARE NEVER DEFEATED AND 585 00:36:39,330 --> 00:36:42,533 YOU MUST SEE THIS IN THE LIGHT OF ETERNITY AND FIND SOME WAY TO 586 00:36:42,600 --> 00:36:45,503 LOVE AND LAUGH WITH EACH OTHER. >> WOW! 587 00:36:45,570 --> 00:36:47,672 STEPHEN COLBERT, EVERYBODY! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 588 00:36:47,738 --> 00:36:53,344 >> Stephen: YOU CAN SUBSCRIBE TO A NEWSLETTER AT 589 00:36:53,411 --> 00:36:55,513 SERVICE95.COM. DUA LIPA, EVERYBODY! 590 00:36:55,580 --> 00:36:59,016 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY 2 CHAINZ. 591 00:37:21,806 --> 00:37:24,408 >> STEPHEN: HIS ALBUM, "DOPE DON'T SELL ITSELF," COMES OUT 592 00:37:24,475 --> 00:37:25,476 TOMORROW. PERFORMING "LOST KINGS" WITH 593 00:37:25,543 --> 00:37:27,511 LIL DURK AND SLEEPY ROSE, PLEASE WELCOME 2 CHAINZ! 594 00:37:27,578 --> 00:37:42,460 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪ 595 00:37:42,526 --> 00:37:44,228 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪ 596 00:37:44,295 --> 00:37:46,097 ♪ AND I'M LIKE HOW THE HELL A 597 00:37:46,163 --> 00:37:47,031 ♪ [NO AUDIO] SUPPOSED TO BREATHE IF ALL THEY DO IS 598 00:37:47,098 --> 00:37:47,999 ♪ KILL OFF ALL THE KINGS? EVERY OTHER NIGHT 599 00:37:48,065 --> 00:37:51,902 ♪ A DIFFERENT MURDER SCENE EVERY OTHER NIGHT 600 00:37:51,969 --> 00:37:53,337 ♪ A DIFFERENT MURDER SCENE AND I GOT A FULL VISION 601 00:37:53,404 --> 00:37:55,172 ♪ TRYNA SEE MY SON GROW UP AND I CAN'T CHOSE DIFFERENT 602 00:37:55,239 --> 00:37:56,374 ♪ EVERY NIGHT DREAM ABOUT ME KILLING, IT WAS TOO VICIOUS? 603 00:37:56,440 --> 00:37:58,275 ♪ I FEEL LIKE HOW THE HELL A 604 00:37:58,342 --> 00:37:59,844 ♪ [NO AUDIO] SUPPOSED TO BREATHE IF ALL THEY DO IS 605 00:37:59,910 --> 00:38:01,112 ♪ KILL OFF ALL THE KINGS? ♪ ♪ ♪ 606 00:38:01,178 --> 00:38:02,346 ♪ I BEEN THINKIN LIKE A TRAPPER SINCE THE PACIFIER 607 00:38:02,413 --> 00:38:04,615 ♪ IN THE MIX LIKE JAMBALYA WHEN I WAS THIRTY-EIGHT 608 00:38:04,682 --> 00:38:06,951 ♪ I'LL 45 YA YEAH MORTIFY YA 609 00:38:07,018 --> 00:38:07,985 ♪ MORE MONEY I MAKE MORE STUFF I BUY 610 00:38:08,052 --> 00:38:11,756 ♪ TROUP DIED AT THE CHEVRON BIG ROCK BESIDE HIM 611 00:38:11,822 --> 00:38:12,790 ♪ WHAM DIED TRYNA TO HELP HIS SISTER 612 00:38:12,857 --> 00:38:14,759 ♪ FROM DOMESTIC VIOLENCE STAYED BY THE AIRPORT 613 00:38:14,825 --> 00:38:16,727 ♪ ALL I HEARD WERE PLANES AND SIRENS 614 00:38:16,794 --> 00:38:19,430 ♪ MY DNA DESPISE A COWARD I'M BLACK, RICH, AND EDUCATED 615 00:38:19,497 --> 00:38:22,233 ♪ SO I GOT THE POWER I THINK LIKE A KING 616 00:38:22,299 --> 00:38:25,069 ♪ ACT LIKE A KING WHEN YOU WAS ON A TRAMPOLINE 617 00:38:25,136 --> 00:38:27,905 ♪ I WAS ON A TRIPLE BEAM PROMETHAZINE WITH MY PINKY RING 618 00:38:27,972 --> 00:38:30,574 ♪ YEAH, TEAM BLOWIN' UP LIKE CREATINE 619 00:38:30,641 --> 00:38:32,343 ♪ YEAH QUEEN SWEAR I'MA PROTECT MYSELF 620 00:38:32,410 --> 00:38:34,745 ♪ IF YOU DON'T MEAN WELL ♪ ♪ ♪ 621 00:38:34,812 --> 00:38:36,213 ♪ AND I'M LIKE HOW THE HELL A 622 00:38:36,280 --> 00:38:38,349 ♪ [NO AUDIO] SUPPOSED TO BREATHE IF ALL THEY DO IS 623 00:38:38,416 --> 00:38:40,818 ♪ KILL OFF ALL THE KINGS? EVERY OTHER NIGHT 624 00:38:40,885 --> 00:38:43,521 ♪ A DIFFERENT MURDER SCENE EVERY OTHER NIGHT 625 00:38:43,587 --> 00:38:46,323 ♪ A DIFFERENT MURDER SCENE AND I GOT A FULL VISION 626 00:38:46,390 --> 00:38:48,959 ♪ TRYNA SEE MY SON GROW UP AND I CAN'T CHOSE DIFFERENT 627 00:38:49,026 --> 00:38:51,529 ♪ EVERY NIGHT DREAM ABOUT ME KILLING 628 00:38:51,595 --> 00:38:52,797 ♪ IT WAS TOO VICIOUS I FEEL LIKE 629 00:38:52,863 --> 00:38:54,298 ♪ HOW THE HELL A [NO AUDIO] SUPPOSED TO BREATHE 630 00:38:54,365 --> 00:38:55,766 ♪ IF ALL THEY DO IS KILL OFF ALL THE KINGS? 631 00:38:55,833 --> 00:38:58,602 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ I'M A KING NOW 632 00:38:58,669 --> 00:38:59,704 [NO AUDIO] PLAYIN ♪ SPOT EM 633 00:38:59,770 --> 00:39:01,238 GOT 'EM ♪ HAND THAT 40 ON MY LEVI'S 634 00:39:01,305 --> 00:39:04,909 AND ON THE STREET SIDE ♪ YOU WASN'T OUT THERE 635 00:39:04,975 --> 00:39:07,011 ON THEM CORNERS WITH THEM ♪ SHORTYS TRYNA GET BACK 636 00:39:07,078 --> 00:39:09,313 WE WAS RAISED FROM ALL THEM ♪ DIFFERENT RAPPERS 637 00:39:09,380 --> 00:39:11,449 THEY JUST CLAIMING [NO AUDIO] ♪ YOU AIN'T LOSE 638 00:39:11,515 --> 00:39:13,284 NOBODY FROM YOUR BLOCK ♪ YOU JUST BE NAMING [NO AUDIO] 639 00:39:13,350 --> 00:39:15,319 [NO AUDIO] GET OUT THEY BODY ♪ LIKE I WON'T SHOOT 'EM 640 00:39:15,386 --> 00:39:17,088 I HATE THIS FAMOUS [NO AUDIO] ♪ AND I'M FROM THAT BLOCK 641 00:39:17,154 --> 00:39:19,123 YOUR HOMIE'LL KILL YA ♪ THAT'S THAT DANGEROUS 642 00:39:19,190 --> 00:39:20,224 [NO AUDIO] ♪THE WAY HE DRESSING UP 643 00:39:20,291 --> 00:39:23,394 THE OPP BLOCK HE A STYLIST ♪ I HATE TALKIN' TO MY DOG 644 00:39:23,461 --> 00:39:26,163 ON A TABLET ♪ GAVE 'EM MY LAST 800 OFF OF 645 00:39:26,230 --> 00:39:28,799 1000 ♪ THAT WAS MY MANS BUT HE 646 00:39:28,866 --> 00:39:30,968 TRADED, HE A COWARD ♪ ♪ ♪ 647 00:39:31,035 --> 00:39:32,536 ♪ AND I'M LIKE HOW THE HELL A 648 00:39:32,603 --> 00:39:34,739 ♪ [NO AUDIO] SUPPOSED TO BREATHE IF ALL THEY DO IS 649 00:39:34,805 --> 00:39:37,742 ♪ KILL OFF ALL THE KINGS? EVERY OTHER NIGHT 650 00:39:37,808 --> 00:39:40,077 ♪ A DIFFERENT MURDER SCENE EVERY OTHER NIGHT 651 00:39:40,144 --> 00:39:42,613 ♪ A DIFFERENT MURDER SCENE AND I GOT A FULL VISION 652 00:39:42,680 --> 00:39:44,548 ♪ TRYNA SEE MY SON GROW UP AND I CAN'T CHOSE DIFFERENT 653 00:39:44,615 --> 00:39:46,784 ♪ EVERY NIGHT DREAM ABOUT ME KILLING 654 00:39:46,851 --> 00:39:49,754 ♪ IT WAS TOO VICIOUS I FEEL LIKE 655 00:39:49,820 --> 00:39:51,055 ♪ HOW THE HELL A [NO AUDIO] SUPPOSE TO BREATHE 656 00:39:51,122 --> 00:39:54,024 ♪ IF ALL THEY DO IS KILL OFF ALL THE KINGS? 657 00:39:54,091 --> 00:39:59,864 ♪ ♪ ♪ YEAH. 658 00:39:59,930 --> 00:40:07,271 DON'T SELL US OUT RIGHT NOW. SLEEPY ROSE, LIL DURK, WE 659 00:40:07,338 --> 00:40:09,974 APPRECIATATE Y'ALL! >> Stephen: 2 CHAINZ, 660 00:40:10,040 --> 00:40:12,510 EVERYBODY! THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW." 661 00:40:12,576 --> 00:40:15,079 JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT. GOOD NIGHT.