>> TWO JUDGES ON THE FOX SHOW
"THE MASKED SINGER "-- IT'S A REALITY SHOW, YOU MAY HAVE SEEN
IT, WHERE PEOPLE SING IN MASKS AND THEN THEY ARE REVEALED
LATER -- REPORTEDLY WALKED OFF IN PROTEST DURING A TAPING OF A
RECENT EPISODE AFTER IT WAS REVEALED THAT RUDY GIULIANI WAS
A CONTESTANT. >> IF YOU LIKED RUDY GIULIANI ON
"THE MASKED SINGER," YOU WILL LOVE HIM ON "NAKED AND
SEDITIOUS, TRAITOR ISLAND." A NEW GIULIANI FLOWN TO AN
UNINHABITED ISLAND, AND THEN WE LEAVE HIM THERE.
THAT'S IT. THAT'S THE SHOW.
WHAT WILL HAPPEN? WILL HE SUCCUMB TO THE ELEMENTS
OR BE COVERED IN POISONOUS SNAKES DESPERATELY CRYING OUT TO
GOD TO END HIS SUFFERING? WILL A WILD BOAR TAKE AN AMOROUS
INTEREST? DON'T KNOW, DON'T CARE.
IN FACT, WE'RE NOT EVEN SENDING CAMERAS BECAUSE THIS ISN'T
ACTUALLY A SHOW, JUST SOMETHING WE DID AND THOUGHT YOU MIGHT
ENJOY. NO FOOD, NO SHELTER, NO WINE.
"NAKED AND SEDITIOUS, TRAITOR ISLAND," AND COMING SOON TO FOX,
THE "FLOOR IS ACTUAL LAVA," STARRING TED CRUZ.
>> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE
SHOW" WITH STEPHEN COLBERT! TONIGHT, THE MASKED MAN AND
VALENTINE'S DAY FIRST DRAFT! STEPHEN WELCOMES DUA LIPA AND
MUSICAL GUEST 2 CHAINZ, FEATURING JON BATISTE AND "STAY
HUMAN." AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE
ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: WHEY!
WHOA! SNUCK UP ON ME!
DID YOU SEE THAT? HELLO, JON.
LET ME HELP YOU OUT HERE. HEY!
HELLO! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( PIANO RIFF ) VERY KIND.
THANK YOU, FRIENDS. PLEASE HAVE A SEAT.
WELCOME ONE AND ALL TO "THE LATE SHOW."
I'M YOUR SHOWS STEPHEN COLBERT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT, TO ME, FOR THE -- WHAT,
LAST FIVE YEARS, IT FEELS LIKE AMERICA HAS BEEN TRAPPED IN AN
ABSURDIST PLAY. AND NOT ONE OF THE GOOD ONES.
WHICH IS NONE OF THEM. NO SINGLE HEADLINE HAS CAPTURED
THE NATIONAL ZEITGEIST OF EXISTENTIAL DREAD COMBINED WITH
RIDICU-STUPULOUSNESS BETTER THAN THIS ONE:
RUDY GIULIANI HAS BEEN REVEALED AS A CONTESTANT ON "THE MASKED
SINGER." THAT'S RIGHT.
THE CRIMINAL GOON, THAT WE KNOW FOR A FACT IS BEING INVESTIGATED
FOR TRYING TO OVERTHROW OUR DEMOCRACY FOR HIS IDIOT EMPEROR,
WAS YUKKING IT UP ON A REALITY SHOW.
THERE HASN'T BEEN ANYTHING THIS SHOCKING SINCE LEE HARVEY OSWALD
MADE A GUEST APPEARANCE ON "GILLIGAN'S ISLAND."
NOW, IF YOU'RE NOT FAMILIAR WITH "THE MASKED SINGER,"
CONGRATULATIONS. HERE'S HOW IT WORKS.
A BUNCH OF WHAT ARE CALLED "CELEBRITIES" IN COSTUMES
SING FOR A PANEL OF JUDGES, AND EACH WEEK, THE LOSING SINGER
GETS "UNMASKED." WE'VE NOW LEARNED THAT RUDY WAS
UNMASKED DURING LAST WEEK'S TAPING OF THE FIRST EPISODE OF
SEASON 7. TRULY A SHOCKING REVELATION.
I CANNOT BELIEVE "THE MASKED SINGER" HAS HAD SEVEN SEASONS.
WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN? AND HOW?
HOW, GOD? ( APPLAUSE )
HOW! RUDY'S EPISODE HASN'T AIRED YET,
SO WE DON'T KNOW MUCH BEYOND THAT.
FOX ISN'T REVEALING WHAT HIS SWAN SONG WAS, OR WHICH ANIMAL
COSTUME RUDY WORE. THOUGH IT WAS SAFE TO ASSUME HE
WAS A JACKASS. ( LAUGHTER )
A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE UPSET, BUT -- A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE MAD ABOUT
THIS, NATURALLY. ( APPLAUSE )
A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE UPSET, BUT, KEEP IN MIND: IT MAY NOT BE THE
PRODUCERS' FAULT. IT'S POSSIBLE THAT RUDY JUST
WANDERED ONTO THE FOX LOT AND PASSED OUT IN THE COSTUME.
(AS RUDY) "AH!
WHERE AM I? START SPREADING THE NEWS!"
( PIANO RIFF ) THAT'S WHAT HE SAYS.
HE SINGS THAT WHEN HE WAKES UP. ( APPLAUSE )
NOW, HERE'S THE THING, WE'RE ALL IN TV, WE KNOW HOW ALL THIS
WORKS, NOW, I'M SURE FOX IS GOING TO
GET HUGE RATINGS FOR THIS, BUT REPORTEDLY, THE RUDY REVEAL DID
NOT GO OVER WELL IN THE ROOM. WHEN HE TOOK OFF HIS MASK,
JUDGES KEN JEONG AND ROBIN THICKE QUICKLY LEFT THE STAGE
IN PROTEST. YES.
( APPLAUSE ) YES.
THEY LEFT IN PROTEST, JON. >> Jon: THEY WANTED TO GET OUT
OF THERE. >> Stephen: OR THEY LEFT IN
TERROR. ( LAUGHTER )
I MEAN, ONE OF THE MOST CHILLING PHRASES IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE
IS "SURPRISE! IT'S RUDY GIULIANI!"
( LAUGHTER ) JUST ASK THE CREW OF "BORAT."
NOBODY WANTS TO SEE HIM WHIP OUT HIS HEAD.
( LAUGHTER ) ♪ OH, MY GOSH!
OH, OH ♪ ♪ OH, MY GOSH!
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: OKAY, LET'S LIGHTEN THINGS UP A LITTLE BIT.
IN PLAGUE NEWS, COVID CASES ARE FALLING ACROSS THE COUNTRY, AND
VACCINES ARE HOLDING UP. IN FACT, ACCORDING TO NEW
C.D.C. DATA, BOOSTED AMERICANS ARE 97 TIMES LESS LIKELY TO DIE
OF COVID THAN THE UNVACCINATED. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THE BOOSTED AGREE. AND, SOMEHOW, THAT'S STILL NOT
ENOUGH TO CONVINCE SOME FOLKS TO GET THEIR SHOTS.
IMAGINE HEARING "YOU'RE 97 TIMES MORE LIKELY TO SURVIVE BUNGEE
JUMPING IF YOU USE A ROPE INSTEAD OF JUST TYING OFF YOUR
JUNK AND GOING, "HELL NAW, STAPLE MY DING-DONG
TO THE BRIDGE! I GOT NATURAL IMMUNITY TO
GRAVITY! YEEE-HAW!"
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
AND SOON, GETTING IMMUNIZED MIGHT BE EVEN EASIER, BECAUSE
SCIENTISTS ARE DEVELOPING NASAL VACCINES.
THE MEDICINE GOES RIGHT UP YOUR NOSE.
TURNS OUT, DON JR. WAS JUST TRYING TO FIGHT COVID THIS WHOLE
TIME. (AS DON JUNIOR)
"YOU WANT TO JOIN ME IN THE BATHROOM FOR A QUICK BUMP OF
IMMUNE AT THIS? OKAY, OKAY.
CAN'T FEEL MY EYEBALLS. OKAY."
THE NASAL VACCINE MAY BE EVEN MORE EFFECTIVE, AND GETTING IT
LOOKS DIGNIFIED. AFTERWARDS, THEY JAM THE
LOLLIPOP RIGHT UP THERE. "THERE YOU GO, LITTLE GIRL.
HOPE YOU LIKE BUTTERSCOTCH." ( LAUGHTER )
( PIANO RIFF ) IN OTHER COVID NEWS, WE'VE
LEARNED THAT LAST YEAR, A TEAM OF SCIENTISTS SEARCHING FOR THE
CORONAVIRUS IN NEW YORK CITY'S WASTEWATER SPOTTED SOMETHING
STRANGE IN THEIR SAMPLES. CAN I GUESS?
MOB FINGERS! TIMES SQUARE ELMO TEETH!
ALL THE ROCKETTES WHO DIDN'T MAKE THE CUT?
( LAUGHTER ) NO?
WELL, TURNS OUT, WHAT THEY ACTUALLY FOUND WAS A UNIQUE
CONSTELLATION OF COVID MUTATIONS THAT HAD NEVER BEEN REPORTED
BEFORE IN HUMAN PATIENTS THAT SCIENTISTS ARE CALLING
"CRYPTIC LINEAGES." OH, YEAH!
I'VE HEARD THE CRYPTIC LINEAGES IN THE NEW YORK WATER IS WHAT
MAKES THE BAGELS SO GOOD. ( LAUGHTER )
YOU CAN'T GET THAT IN ANY OTHER CITY.
THERE'S BEEN A LOT OF COVID MISINFORMATION OUT THERE
AND THERE'S STARTING TO BE SOME KARMIC RETRIBUTION FOR THE
PEOPLE SPREADING IT. TAKE FACEBOOK.
TODAY, ON WALL STREET, YOUR MOM'S FRIEND'S ONLINE HANGOUT
LOST 26% OF ITS VALUE, OR $230 BILLION, WHICH IS THE
BIGGEST ONE-DAY MARKET VALUE DROP EVER FOR A U.S. COMPANY.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WHY THE DROP?
FINANCIAL ANALYSTS SAY I'S BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T CLICK ON THE
PHOTO OF YOUR COUSIN'S BABYSITTER'S WEDDING!
( LAUGHTER ) THEY HAD A DONUT WALL!
AND A GLAZING STATION. BUT THAT WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR
YOU! IT WAS AN ESPECIALLY ROUGH DAY
FOR FACEBOOK C.E.O. AND ROBOT FAILING TO EXECUTE THE SMILE
PROTOCOL, MARK ZUCKERBERG. FACEBOOK'S STOCK FREE-FALL
CAUSED ZUCKERBERG'S WEALTH TO PLUNGE BY $31 BILLION.
( AUDIENCE REACTS ) "HOW WAS YOUR DAY, HONEY?"
"EH, A COUPLE HICCUPS. I LOST MY UMBRELLA, MY SHOELACE
BROKE, AND I PERSONALLY LOST THE G.D.P. OF LATVIA.
( LAUGHTER ) MORE GOLD SHAVINGS IN YOUR
CHABLIS?" SOCIAL MEDIA HAS BEEN A HOTBED
OF ANTI-SCIENCE CONSPIRACY THEORIES, AND AMERICA'S NOT
THE ONLY COUNTRY LOADED WITH ANTI-VAXHOLES.
( LAUGHTER ) RIGHT NOW, CANADA'S CAPITAL,
OTTAWA, IS BEING BESIEGED BY A GROUP OF ANTI-DO-ANYTHING-
ABOUT-COVID TRUCKERS CALLED THE "FREEDOM CONVOY."
FORGET SPOTIFY-- CANADIAN TRUCKERS ARE SPREADING COVID
MISINFORMATION ON C.B. RADIO. "BREAKER, BREAKER 1-9.
WHAT'S YOUR 20? I'M EIGHT MILES OUTSIDE THE
CHICKEN COOP LOOKING FOR SOME GO-GO JUICE, BUT BILL GATES
ALREADY KNOWS THAT. BACK IT DOWN, SMOKEY'S ON THE
FLIP-FLOP WITH HIS EARS ON AND BALLS LARGE.
COME ON BACK, TEDDYBEAR." ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: I GOT SEAT COVERS GOING BY A BUBBLE GUM MACHINE,
GOT YOUR SMOKE DETECTOR ON? ( PIANO RIFF )
( APPLAUSE ) THESE PROTESTERS HAVE A LOT IN
COMMON WITH THEIR NEIGHBORS TO THE SOUTH--
THE DEEP SOUTH. BECAUSE FOR SOME REASON THAT
NO ONE WILL EVER BE ABLE TO EXPLAIN, MANY OF THEM ARE
HOLDING CONFEDERATE FLAGS. I DIDN'T KNOW YOU COULD SECEDE
FROM A COUNTRY YOU WEREN'T PART OF.
( LAUGHTER ) THOUGH, WHO COULD FORGET
CANADA'S GREAT CIVIL WAR HERO, STONEWALL BEAVER?
( LAUGHTER ) THESE FLAGS OF HATRED AREN'T THE
ONLY UGLY PART OF THIS PROTEST. CANADIAN AUTHORITIES SAY
URINE STAINS WERE SEEN ON SNOW COVERING THE NATIONAL WAR
MEMORIAL, AND DEMONSTRATORS WERE ALSO SEEN DANCING ON THE TOMB OF
THE UNKNOWN SOLDIER. THAT'S REPREHENSIBLE.
THOSE PEOPLE SHOULD BE ROUNDED UP AND PUT ON "THE
MASKED SINGER." ( LAUGHTER )
THIS IS A NATIONAL EMBARRASSMENT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF )
AND I JUST WANT TO SAY, CANADA? THANK YOU.
I'M SO GLAD WE'RE NOT THE ONLY ONES ANYMORE.
IN FACT, "US WEEKLY" JUST FEATURED THE TWO COUNTRIES IN
"WHO DISGRACED IT BEST?" AND, I'M BEING TOLD IT'S STILL
US. BECAUSE, ACCORDING TO OFFICIALS,
THERE'S A "SIGNIFICANT ELEMENT" FROM THE U.S. IS INVOLVED IN THE
SELF-DESCRIBED "FREEDOM CONVOY" IN CANADA.
OH. ON BEHALF OF ALL AMERICANS,
CANADA, LET ME JUST SAY, "SORRY."
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
HERE IN THE STATES, IN ADDITION TO ANGER ABOUT COVID, THERE'S
ALSO ANGER ABOUT SHORTAGES. LIKE THIS WEEKEND OUTSIDE
PHILADELPHIA, WHEN A MASSIVE BRAWL BROKE OUT AT A GOLDEN
CORRAL BUFFET, WITH A MOB OF PATRONS HURLING PUNCHES AND
CHAIRS. NOW, IF YOU DON'T KNOW GOLDEN
CORRAL, IT'S WHERE YOU TAKE YOUR DATE WHEN THEY'RE NOT QUITE
WORTH SPENDING SIZZLER MONEY. SO, WHY WOULD THIS
NORMALLY-PEACEFUL MEAT TROUGH BECOME A PLACE FOR A VIOLENT
BEEF? A LACK OF BEEF.
>> OFFICERS ARE STILL LOOKING INTO WHAT CAUSED THE ARGUMENT.
>> FROM WHAT I HEARD, IT WAS OVER STEAK.
APPARENTLY, SOMEBODY CUT IN LINE.
>> HIS FRIEND HEARD THE SAME DETAILS.
>> THERE WAS A SHORTAGE OF STEAK.
( LAUGHTER ) >> STEPHEN: I AM LOVING THIS NEW
SEASON OF "MARE OF EASTTOWN." ( LAUGHTER )
LET'S CHECK OUT SOME FOOTAGE FROM THE FIGHT:
( SCREAMING ) >> OH, ( BLEEP )!
>> STEPHEN: AND I'M BEING ASSURED THAT THIS IS SOMEHOW
DIFFERENT FROM A NORMAL NIGHT AT GOLDEN CORRAL.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
DID YOU SEE THAT BABY CHAIR FLY? LOOK AT THAT.
DON'T WORRY, THE CHILD LANDED SAFELY N A TRAY OF NANER
PUDDING. ( LAUGHTER )
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) MY GUEST IS DUA LIPA.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, "FIRST DRAFTS" OF VALENTINE'S DAY CARDS
WITH MY VALENTINE, EVIE. STICK AROUND.
( BAND PLAYING ) >> Stephen: JON BATISTE AND
"STAY HUMAN" EVERYBODY RIGHT THERE!
THERE YOU GO! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
JON -- JON, MY FRIEND, I HOLD IN MY HOT LITTLE HAND HERE THE
CARDS TO BE TALKING TO OUR GUEST TONIGHT, THE LOVELY, TALENTED,
THE ONE AND ONLY DUA LIPA IS GOING TO BE OUT HERE.
>> Jon: THAT'S GREAT! I LOVE HER, I LOVE HER!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
VALENTINES DAY IS IN A WEEK AND A HALF, AND A BIG VALENTINE'S
DAY TRADITION IS THE VALENTINES CARD.
THERE ARE LOTS OF GREAT ONES OUT THERE, BUT THEY DON'T
ALL GET IT ON THE FIRST TRY. SO TONIGHT, WE'LL TAKE A LOOK AT
SOME OF THE EARLY ATTEMPTS IN OUR SEGMENT:
FIRST DRAFTS. ♪♪
>> NO, NO, STUPID!
♪♪ ♪♪
>> Stephen: AS ALWAYS, FOR FIRST DRAFTS, I NEED A LITTLE
HELP. MY WIFE EVIE MAGEE.
THERE YOU GO. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( PIANO RIFF ) THAT'S NICE.
>> THAT'S SO SWEET, THANK YOU! >> Stephen: YOU LOOK
FANTASTIC. >> YOU'RE LIKE ALL MY BEST
FRIENDS! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: DARLING, HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY.
>> SAME TO YOU. >> Stephen: HERE'S CHOCOLATE.
IS IT ACTUALLY CHOCOLATE. >> YES.
>> Stephen: THAT IS FOR LATER. DARLING, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR
DOING THIS. >> IT'S SO NICE OF YOU TO HAVE
ME BACK. >> Stephen: IT'S A PLEASURE.
YOU DON'T MIND DOING THIS? >> NO, I'M GOOD.
>> Stephen: GOOD. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WE STARTED THIS BECAUSE DURING COVID THERE WAS NO ONE ELSE WHO
COULD DO IT. >> I STILL THINK THERE'S NO ONE
ELSE. >> Stephen: THAT'S TRUE.
IT TURNED OUT TO BE A LOT OF FUN.
HERE IS HOW IT WORKS: IN FIRST DRAFTS, I SHOW YOU A
VALENTINE THAT SOLD IN STORES.
AND THEN I SHOW YOU THE NOT-SO-GOOD FIRST DRAFT.
THIS PERSON'S GOT AN INTERNATIONAL FEEL.
"AMOR? AMOUR? AMORE?. NO MATTER THE
LANGUAGE, I LOVE YOU!" >> VERY SWEET.
>> Stephen: BUENO. THAT'S VERY NICE.
BUT THE FIRST DRAFT SAID. "AMOR? AMOUR? AMORE?"
"IT'S PRONOUNCED 'ARMOIRE,' RICK.
MAYBE DUOLINGO JUST ISN'T YOUR THING."
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
I LIKE THIS. I LIKE THE FACT THAT THE
SHOULDERS ARE BARE RIGHT HERE. THAT'S VERY RACY.
>> I KNOW, I KNOW! >> Stephen: IN SOME COUNTRIES
YOU CAN'T SHOW YOUR SHOULDERS LIKE THAT.
THAT'S VERY NICE. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO FOR
VALENTINE'S DAY? WE DON'T HAVE PLANS YET.
>> AREN'T WE GOING TO WATCH THE SUPER BOWL?
IT'S SUPER BOWL. >> Stephen: IT'S MONDAY,
RIGHT? VALENTINE'S DAY'S ON A MONDAY,
SO, NO, WE'RE NOT GOING TO WATCH THE SUPER BOWL ON MONDAY.
WE COULD. WE COULD RECORD IT AND JUST ALL
DAY SAY -- NOBODY TELL ME! >> WHY DON'T I COME BACK NEXT
WEEK AND WE'LL GO TO DINNER? >> Stephen: THERE ARE NO SHOWS
NEXT WEEK. FEEL FREE TO COME BACK.
>> YOU'RE ON ON VALENTINE'S DAY. >> Stephen: OKAY.
IF YOU SAY SO. IS SHE RIGHT?
>> YEAH. >> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW. LET'S NOT FIGHT IN FRONT OF THE
KIDS. >> WHO KEEPS THE CALENDAR?
>> Stephen: YOU DO, AND ALL THE MONEY, BY THE WAY.
I HAVE NO IDEA. YOU COULD JUST GRAB THE
CHECKBOOK AND RUN -- >> AND I CAN'T EVEN AFFORD
>> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT. YOU'RE A HOBO.
MY HOBO WIFE. WE'LL STITCH SOME BANDANA ON
THERE. HERE'S ONE WHO HAS A CUTE BAGEL
THEM. IT SAYS:
"YOU'RE MY EVERYTHING. WE'RE BAE-GOALS!"
AW, THAT'S NICE. BUT THE FIRST DRAFT SAID
"YOU'RE MY EVERYTHING. BUT I NEED SOME SESAME TIME."
( LAUGHTER ) I DON'T.
I WILL ASK FOR THE CARD.
DON'T RUSH ME HERE! >> WHOO!
>> Stephen: DON'T RUSH ME. WOW, SOMEBODY'S GETTING BOSSY.
CAN I HAVE THE CARD, PLEASE? ( LAUGHTER )
>> NO. YOU HAVE TO ASK NICELY.
>> Stephen: MAY I PLEASE? I SAID MAY I HAVE THE CARD
PLEASE? ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( PIANO RIFF ) HERE'S A SWEET ONE.
"THIS RELATIONSHIP IS ON THE RIGHT TACK!
AND I CHOO-CHOO CHOOSE YOU!" THAT IS REALLY NICE.
BUT THE FIRST DRAFT SAID: "THIS RELATIONSHIP IS ON THE
RIGHT TRACK. I'M INTO CABOOSE PLAY."
( AUDIENE REACTS ) DO YOU NEED ME TO EXPLAIN THAT
ONE TO YOU? >> NO, WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT
THAT. >> Stephen: OKAY.
MAY I PLEASE HAVE THE -- FIRST CARD.
( LAUGHTER ) WORK MY WAY BACK INTO YOUR GOOD
GRACES BY THE TIME THIS SEGMENT'S OVER.
HERE'S ONE THAT SAYS "YOU'RE CUTE AS A BUTTON.
THANKS FOR HOLDING ME TOGETHER." >> AW...
>> Stephen: THAT IMMILES THE CENTER OF THE CARD HAS HAD SOME
SORT OF NERVOUS BREAKDOWNS. >> WE NEED TO BE HELD TOGETHER.
EVERYONE'S HAD A BREAKDOWN. >> Stephen: BUT THE FIRST
THRAFT SAID "YOU'RE CUTE AS A BUTTON.
BUT ALL MY PANTS ARE DRAWSTRING NOW.
I HAVE GIVEN UP." >> I ACTUALLY THINK THAT IS
PRETTY CUTE, TOO. >> Stephen: THAT IS CUTE, TOO.
>> DO YOU WANT IT? >> Stephen: I DO WANT IT.
( LAUGHTER ) ( AUDIENCE REACTS )
( APPLAUSE ) OKAY.
HERE'S ONE THAT SAYS, "MY HEART IS YOURS, YOU ARE MY EVERYTHING.
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY DAY." >> VERY CUTE.
>> Stephen: THE SECOND ONE SAYS,
"MY HEART IS YOURS. BUT THE FIRST DRAFT
SAID, "MY HEART IS YOURS. SO TECHNICALLY, IT'S 'OUR'
CHOLESTEROL PROBLEM." DO YOU KNOW WHAT.
>> DOES IT HAVE TO DO WITH HIGH CHOLESTEROL.
>> Stephen: I DO. THE FIRST PRESCRIPTION AS A MID
'50s MAN, I GOT LIPITOR FOR MY BIRTHDAY.
WHAT DID YOU GET ME? >> A PILL BOX.
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HUMILIATING.
SHE WATCHED ME OPEN IT LIKE THI- ( LAUGHTR )
THIS IS THE LAST ONE. MAYBE THE LAST ONE EVER.
>> YOU THREW IT AWAY. >> Stephen: NO, IT'S SOMEWHERE
IN THERE. DID I?
>> YES. >> Stephen: GIVE ME THE CARD.
>> THEY MAKE THEM NOW WITH A.M. -- I THINK MY MOM HAS ONE
WITH A.M., MIDDLE OF THE DAY, P.M., THEY ARE ELABORATE PILL PL
BOXES. >> Stephen: I LOOK FORWARD TO
IT. HERE'S ONE FOR ANY DOG LOVERS
OUT THERE, IT SAYS "LIFE CAN BE RUFF.
BUT I'M DOGGONE LUCKY TO HAVE YOU."
( AUDIENCE REACTS ) >> SWEET.
>> Stephen: THAT IS TRUE, DARLING.
BUT THE FIRST DRAFT SAID "LIFE CAN BE RUFF.
WHICH IS WHY, WHEN I'M STRESSED, I PEE IN YOUR CLOSET."
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY.
>> HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY. >> Stephen: IT'S MY GIRLFRIEND
EVIE! WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING )
>> Stephen: HERE WE GO.
WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BOYS AND
GIRLS, CHILDREN OF ALL AGES -- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
-- Y'ALL KNOW MY GUEST TONIGHT AS A
THREE-TIME GRAMMY AWARD-WINNING SINGER AND SONGWRITER, WITH HITS
LIKE "DON'T START NOW," "PHYSICAL," AND "LEVITATING."
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," DUA LIPA!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING )
>> Stephen: IT IS NICE TO HAVE
YOU BACK. THANKS FOR BEING HERE.
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR HAVING ME.
FULL HOUSE. >> Stephen: ISN'T THAT NICE?
>> THIS IS AMAZING. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: NOW, THE LAST TIME YOU WERE ON HERE WAS BEFORE
COVID. >> YES.
>> Stephen: NOT THAT LONG BEFORE, BUT YOU HAD AN
EXTRAORDINARY LAST COUPLE OF YEARS.
WELL, CRAZY THINGS WERE HAPPENING IN THE WORLD, CRAZY
SUCCESS WAS HAPPENING FOR YOU. ROLLING STONE CALLED YOU THE
BREAKOUT POP STAR OF THE PANDEMIC BECAUSE, I WANT TO
POINT OUT, THIS YEAR, YOUR ALBUM "FUTURE NOSTALGIA "--
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) -- NOW, THE WORLD BASICALLY SHUT
DOWN ON MARCH 12 OF 2020, AND THIS ALBUM DROPPED MARCH 7th,
2020, AND THEN YOU WON A GRAMMY FOR IT IN 2021.
A LONG WINDUP TO A SIMPLE QUESTION.
WHAT WAS IT LIKE TO HAVE THIS EXPLOSIVE SUCCESS AND NOT BE
ABLE TO GO OUT IN THE WORLD AND ENJOY IT OR ENGAGE?
YOU HAD TO KIND OF SEE IT FROM A DISTANCE.
>> WELL, I THINK, TO BEGIN WITH, THE WHOLE IDEA OF PUTTING THE
ALBUM OUT, LIKE MOST PEOPLE, I THOUGHT, OH, THE PANDEMIC, TWO
WEEKS. TWO YEARS LATER, WE'RE STILL
HERE. >> Stephen: MM-HMM.
>> BUT I HAD WORKED ON THIS ALBUM FOR SO LONG, AND I HAD
JUST KIND OF BEEN HOLDING IT. FOR A WHILE, I WAS VERY
PASSIONATE ABOUT IT, I WAS VERY PROUD OF IT AS WELL.
IT WAS A BODY OF WORK WHERE I FINALLY FOUND MY CONFIDENCE AND
WHO I WAS AS AN ARTIST AND A SONG WRITER.
SO WHEN EVERYTHING SHUT DOWN, I THINK THERE WAS A BIG PART OF ME
THAT JUST DIDN'T WANT TO BELIEVE IT, AND I FELT LIKE WITH SO MUCH
UNCERTAINTY AND WITH EVERYTHING GOING ON, I THOUGHT MAYBE NOW IS
THE TIME TO RELEASE THIS ALBUM, AND I'M REALLY HAPPY I DID
BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE -- AND I HAVE THIS WHOLE PHILOSOPHY THAT
UP UNTIL THE POINT THAT THERE'S MUSIC GET RELEASED, IT BELONGS
TO ME. ONCE IT'S OUT, IT'S NO LONGER
MINE. AND, SO, WHEN I SEE IT LIKE THAT
AND THE MUSIC IS OUT THERE, AND I HAVE IT IN THE HOPES THAT
THESE SONGS FIND A HOME WITH OTHER PEOPLE, THAT I FELT LIKE
THIS IS THE PERFECT TIME TO RELEASE IT.
AND, SO, PEOPLE'S REACTION HAVING BEEN THE WAY THAT IT WAS
WAS JUST MIND BLOWING. IT WAS BEYOND ANYTHING I COULD
HAVE EVER HOPED FOR AND MAYBE THAT WAS ACTUALLY THE FAITH THAT
THE ALBUM WAS MEANT TO HAVE. >> Stephen: PEOPLE ARE GLAD
YOU DID BECAUSE "LEVITATING" WAS THE MOST STREAMED SONG OF 2021
IN THE UNITED STATES. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
I'M JUST CURIOUS, BECAUSE I KNOW YOU ARE A BRILLIANT PERFORMER,
BUT YOU ALSO WROTE THE SONG, YOU'RE A SONG WRITER AT THE SAME
TIME. >> YEAH.
>> Stephen: DID YOU KNOW WHEN YOU RELEASED THIS ALBUM, IT WAS
GOING TO BE "LEVITATING"? THERE ARE A BUNCH OF BANGERS ON
THERE BUT THAT ONE WAS AN EXTRAORDINARY SUCCESS.
DO YOU KNOW IT'S GOING TO BE THAT ONE?
>> DEFINITELY NOT. I MEAN, I CAN NEVER PREEMPT,
LIKE, WHAT SONG IS THE ONE THAT PEOPLE ARE GOING TO REACT WITH
THE BEST, BUT "LEVITATING" WAS THE FIRST SONG THAT HELPED
DICTATE THE REST OF THE ALBUM. IT WAS THE ONE SONG WHERE I WAS,
LIKE, THIS IS WHAT I FEEL LIKE FUTURE NOSTALGIA IS.
I HAD A GOOD IDEA AFTER WRITING "LEVITATING" OF WHAT THE REST OF
THE ALBUM WAS GOING TO SOUND LIKE.
AND I THINK I HAD SUCH A POWERFUL FEELING, BEING IN THE
STUDIO AFTER WRITING "LEVITATING" WITH MY FRIENDS,
AND I THINK WE ALL FELT SO ENERGIZED AND SO EXCITED
AFTERWARDS, SO IT WAS VERY SPECIAL.
>> Stephen: YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO GO ON A WORLD TOUR SHORTLY
AFTER THE ALBUM. >> YES.
>> Stephen: WHEN WERE YOU SUPPOSED TO GO ON TOUR?
>> APRIL OF 2020. >> Stephen: AND YOU THOUGHT,
IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN, WE'LL TAKE A BREAK.
AND TWO YEARS LATER YOU'RE ABOUT TO LAUNCH THE WORLD TOUR NOW, 23
COUNTRIES, SOMETHING LIKE THAT? >> YEAH.
>> Stephen: SO MUCH PLANNING GOES INTO A WORLD TOUR, IT'S
LIKE AN INVASION. HOW IS IT GOING TO BE DIFFERENT
NOW, YOU KNOW, IN 2022 THAN 2020?
HOW IS COVID GOING TO CHANGE THE TOUR FOR YOU.
>> MASSIVELY DIFFERENT. INITIALLY WHEN I WAS GOING TO GO
ON TOUR IT WAS ONLY MEANT TO BE A MONTH AFTER THE ALBUM IS OUT.
I HOPED THE FANS WOULD QUICKLY LEARN THE LYRICS AND COME AND
WATCH ME. BUT THIS TIME I'VE DONE A LOT OF
AUDIENCE RESEARCH, AND, SO, I FEEL LIKE I KNOW WHICH SONGS
PEOPLE LIKE, AND THE FUTURE NOSTALGIA TOUR REALLY IS THE
FUTURE NOSTALGIA TOUR BECAUSE IT PREDOMINANTLY IS THE SONGS FROM
THE ALBUM WHERE I THINK BEFORE IT WOULD HAVE BEEN BITS HERE AND
THERE AND LOTS FROM MY FIRST ALBUM AND NOW IT'S LIKE THE
FIRST COMBINATION, THE VERY BEST OF.
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A
BREAK, BUT STICK AROUND. WHEN WE COME BACK, I ASK DUA
LIPA ABOUT HER COLLABORATION WITH SIR ELTON JOHN.
( BAND PLAYING ) >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WE'RE BACK! WITH DUA LIPA.
YOU DID SOMETHING THAT I'M FAIRLY JEALOUS OF.
YOU ACTUALLY RELEASED A SONG WITH NONE OTHER THAN SIR ELTON
JOHN. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
I'M CURIOUS -- HE IS ONE OF THE GREATEST.
HOW DID THIS COME ABOUT? I HEARD THIS WAS HIS IDEA.
>> YES. IT WAS -- IT WAS ELTON'S IDEA,
AND EVERY TIME I SAY IT, I THINK IT'S THE CRAZIEST THING IN THE
WORLD, BECAUSE I CAN'T BELIEVE THE SONG --
>> Stephen: HERE'S THE SONG, IT'S CALLED COLD HEART.
THERE YOU GO. >> IT WAS KIND OF FUNNY.
ELTON AND I HAVE DONE A COUPLE OF THINGS TOGETHER.
I ALSO PERFORMED WITH HIM FOR HIS AIDS FOUNDATION FOR THE
OSCARS' OPENING, AND, AFTERWARDS, WE HAD DINNER IN
L.A. AND THEN LITERALLY A COUPLE OF DAYS LATER I STARTED WRITING
FOR MY NEW ALBUM, AND I WAS HANGING OUT BY THE POOL BEFORE
GOING T DO SOME WRITING AND ALL OF A SUDDEN MY PHONE RINGS AND
IT'S A FACETIME FROM ELTON AND HIS HUSBAND DAVID, CASUAL.
I DON'T THINK IT'S CASUAL. I WAS IN MY BIKINI AND A COWBOY
HAT. ITIT WASN'T BRAIL QUITE -- BUT I
WOULDN'T HAVE IT ANY OTHER WAY. IT WAS PERFECT.
AND WE WERE JUST, LIKE, WE HAD THIS IDEA, WE WOULD LOVE TO HAVE
YOU ON THIS SONG. AND MIDDLE EAST I WAS, LIKE, ARE
YOU JOKING? I WAS, LIKE, OF COURSE, I'D LOVE
TO DO IT. NO, NO, YOU LISTEN TO IT FIRST
AND DECIDE. AND I SAID, YOU KNOW -- NO, NO,
YOU LISTEN TO IT AND LET US KNOW AFTERWARDS IF YOU WANT TO DO THE
SONG. I KNEW I WAS.
ABSOLUTELY. IT'S A REMIX OF "ROCKETMAN" AND
"SACRIFICE." AND I BELIEVEDDENT BELIEVE IT.
IT'S KIND OF CRAZY BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I MAN TESTED THIS IN A
WAY. >> Stephen: YOU DREW HIM INTO
YOUR LIFE BY READING "THE SECRET"?
>> YES, YES. ( LAUGHTER )
NO, "ROCKETMAN" IS MY DRIVING SONG, IT'S MYSHOWER SONG, IT'S
THE SONG I SING ALONG TO MYSELF. >> Stephen: REALLY?
YOU CAN RELATE TO IT. >> YES.
WELL, I LIKE TO SING ALONG TO IT.
( LAUGHTER ) I LIKE TO SING ALONG TO IT.
I LOVE THE SONG. >> Stephen: I DO, TOO.
YEAH. >> AND, SO, WHEN I GOT ASKED TO
SING THAT PART, I WAS, LIKE, OKAY, IT WAS JUST MEANT TO BE,
SO -- >> Stephen: ELTON, I'M
AVAILABLE, TOO. I'M IS A HUGE FAN.
I ALSO KNOW THE LYRICS TO "ROCKETMAN."
( LAUGHTER ) WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK
BUT WE'LL BE BACK WITH MORE DUA LIPA, EVERYBODY.
STICK AROUND. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( BAND PLAYING ) >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WE'RE BACK WITH DUA LIPA. YOU JUST LAUNCHED SOMETHING.
YOU'VE GOT TO EXPLAIN TO ME HERE.
IT IS CALLED "SERVICE 95". WOULD YOU CALL A GLOBAL CONSI #
CONSIERGE SERVICE. >> I'LL GIVE YOU SOMEBACK STORY.
SINCE I WAS YOUNG, I'M A LITTLE ORGANIZED AND CRAZY.
I LOVE TO KEEP LISTS AND I WRITE DOWN LISTS WHETHER IT'S
RESTAURANT RECOMMENDATIONS, MOVIES, I BOOKS, PLACES, HOTELS,
PLACES TO STAY, NO MATTER WHERE I AM.
I KEPT ADDING TO IT WHEN I WAS TOURING, CONSTANTLY PLACES I SAW
ONLINE. KEPT ADDING TO IT WHEN TALKING
TO MY FRIENDS, AND MY FRIENDS NO MATTER WHERE THEY ARE IN THE
WORLD THEY CAN SEND ME A TEXT MESSAGE AND BE OKAY, I'M HERE,
WHAT CAN I DO, WHERE'S THE BEST SHOPPING?
I TAKE IT SERIOUSLY. I SAY, OKAY, THIS IS WHAT YOU
CAN DO. >> Stephen: SURE.
>> AND THAT WAS KIND OF THE IDEA INITIALLY BEHIND IT OF, OKAY, I
WANT TO SHARE MY LISTS, RECOMMENDATIONS, THOUGHTS ALL
INTO ONE NEWSLETTER AND THEN THE IDEA GREW MORE AND MORE.
WELL, I ALSO THOUGHT, YOU KNOW, WE CAN HAVE LOTS OF DIFFERENT
THOUGHTS, PERSPECTIVES, STORIES, ARTICLES THAT ARE REALLY
INTERESTING THAT MAYBE YOU WOULDN'T FIND AS EASY.
I WANTED TO MAKE ACTIVISM ACCESSIBLE TO PEOPLE WHO WANTED
TO GET INVOLVED. I THOUGHT THERE WAS A LOT OF
NOISE GOING ON ONLINE AND SOMETIMES IT'S HARD TO FILTER
LEARN ABOUT, AND I WANT TO HELP GIVE PEOPLE THE TOOLS TO BE ABLE
TO LEARN THINGS AND MAYBE -- IN MAYBE A DIFFERENT WAY.
>> Stephen: IN THAT REGARD, YOU HAVE AN UP AND COMING
PODCAST CALLED "AT YOUR SERVICE" THAT HASN'T BEEN RELEASED YET.
ARE YOU GOING TO BE INTERVIEWING PEOPLE?
>> I AM. >> Stephen: I KNOW YOU SUBBED
IN FOR MY FRIEND JIMMY KIMMEL ON ABC.
YOU CAN SIT IN HERE ANY"TIME," IF YOU WANT.
>> THANK YOU, THANK YOU. >> Stephen: I'M EXHAUSTED.
( LAUGHTER ) DO YOU LIKE BEING INTERVIEWED OR
INTERVIEWING? SOME PEOPLE DON'T LIKE BEING
WHERE YOU ARE AND THEY LIKE THE SENSE OF CONTROL WHERE I AM.
( LAUGHTER ) I BEING ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE.
>> I LIKE -- I'M REALLY ENJOYING INTERVIEWING PEOPLE, I REALLY
AM, AND I REALLY LOVE THE RESEARCH ELEMENT TO IT AND
LEARNING ABOUT PEOPLE. >> Stephen: IS THERE ANYTHING
YOU WOULD LIKE TO ASK ME? ( LAUGHTER )
>> PUTTING ME ON THE SPOT. >> Stephen: WELL, YOU'RE THE
GUEST, YOU GET TO DO WHAT YOU WANT.
IF YOU'D RATHER INTERVIEW, YOU MAY INTERVIEW ME.
>> OKAY, WELL -- LET ME THINK. JUST ONE SECOND.
>> Stephen: IT'S CBS. >> ALL RIGHT.
>> Stephen: THERE ARE LIMITS. >> OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
UM -- OKAY. ALL RIGHT.
BACK THAT WAY, PODCAST, VERY, VERY SERIOUS STUFF.
SO -- >> Stephen: I LOVE YOUR SHOW
BY THE WAY, AMAZING AUDIENCE. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
GIVE THEM A ROUND OF APPLAUSE. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: I'M SUCH A FAN. I'M SUCH A FAN.
I WAS SO NERVOUS BACKSTAGE. >> I'M SUCH A FAN OF YOU, I WAS
SO NERVOUS FOR THE INTERVIEW. I APPRECIATE IT YOU HAVING ME
HERE TONIGHT. >>.
I THINK SOMETHING YOUR VIEWERS CONNECT WITH IN YOUR COMEDY AND
YOUR HOSTING SKILLS ESPECIALLY IN THE PAST FEW YEARS IS HOW
OPEN AND HONEST AND AUTHENTIC YOU ARE ABOUT THE ROLE YOUR
FAITH PLAYS IN YOUR LIFE. >> Stephen: INTERESTING.
>> AND I WAS WONDERING, IS THERE ANY, YOU KNOW -- DOES YOUR FAITH
AND YOUR COMEDY EVER OVERLAP? AND DOES ONE EVER WIN OUT?
>> Stephen: I THINK, ULTIMATELY, US ALL BEING MORTAL,
THE FAITHFUL WENT OUT IN THE END, UT I CERTAINLY HOPE, WHEN
I GET TO HEAVEN, JEEZ HAS A SENSE OF HUMOR -- JESUS HAS A
SENSE OF HUMOR. BUT I WILL SAY THIS, SOMEBURN
WAS ASKING -- SOMEONE WAS ASKING ME EARLIER -- THIS RELATES TO MY
FAITH, I'M A CHRISTIAN AND A CATHOLIC, AND IT'S ALWAYS
CONNECTED TO THE IDEA OF LOVE AND SACRIFICE BEING SOMEHOW
RELATED AND GIVING YOURSELF TO OTHER PEOPLE AND DEATH IS NOT DO
FEET, IF YOU -- DEFEAT, IF YOU SEE WHERE I'M GETTING AT.
SOMEONE ASKED ME WHAT MOVIE I LIKE, AND IT'S "BELFAST."
I'M IRISH-AMERICAN, AND IT'S SUCH AN IRISH MOVIE, AND IT'S
ALSO A CATHOLIC THING, BECAUSE IT'S FUNNY, SAD AND FUNNY ABOUT
BEING SAD. IN THE SAME WAY, THE SADNESS IS
LIKE A LITTLE EMOTIONAL DEATH BUT NOT DEFEAT IF YOU CAN FIND A
WAY TO LAUGH ABOUT IT BECAUSE THAT LAUGHTER KEEPS YOU FROM
HAVING FEAR OF IT, AND FEAR KEEPS YOU FROM TURNING TO EVIL
DEVICES TO SAVE YOU FROM THE SADNESS.
AS ROBERT HAYDEN SAID, WE MUST NOT BE FRIGHTENED OR CONTROLLED
INTO ACCEPTING EVIL AS OUR DELIVERANCE FROM EVILLER, WE
MUST ACCEPT OUR HUMAN AT THIS. IF THERE'S A RELATIONSHIP
BETWEEN MY FAITH AND COMEDY, IT'S YOU ARE NEVER DEFEATED AND
YOU MUST SEE THIS IN THE LIGHT OF ETERNITY AND FIND SOME WAY TO
LOVE AND LAUGH WITH EACH OTHER. >> WOW!
STEPHEN COLBERT, EVERYBODY! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: YOU CAN SUBSCRIBE TO A NEWSLETTER AT
SERVICE95.COM. DUA LIPA, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY 2 CHAINZ.
>> STEPHEN: HIS ALBUM, "DOPE DON'T SELL ITSELF," COMES OUT
TOMORROW. PERFORMING "LOST KINGS" WITH
LIL DURK AND SLEEPY ROSE, PLEASE WELCOME 2 CHAINZ!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ AND I'M LIKE HOW THE HELL A
♪ [NO AUDIO] SUPPOSED TO BREATHE IF ALL THEY DO IS
♪ KILL OFF ALL THE KINGS? EVERY OTHER NIGHT
♪ A DIFFERENT MURDER SCENE EVERY OTHER NIGHT
♪ A DIFFERENT MURDER SCENE AND I GOT A FULL VISION
♪ TRYNA SEE MY SON GROW UP AND I CAN'T CHOSE DIFFERENT
♪ EVERY NIGHT DREAM ABOUT ME KILLING, IT WAS TOO VICIOUS?
♪ I FEEL LIKE HOW THE HELL A
♪ [NO AUDIO] SUPPOSED TO BREATHE IF ALL THEY DO IS
♪ KILL OFF ALL THE KINGS? ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ I BEEN THINKIN LIKE A TRAPPER SINCE THE PACIFIER
♪ IN THE MIX LIKE JAMBALYA WHEN I WAS THIRTY-EIGHT
♪ I'LL 45 YA YEAH MORTIFY YA
♪ MORE MONEY I MAKE MORE STUFF I BUY
♪ TROUP DIED AT THE CHEVRON BIG ROCK BESIDE HIM
♪ WHAM DIED TRYNA TO HELP HIS SISTER
♪ FROM DOMESTIC VIOLENCE STAYED BY THE AIRPORT
♪ ALL I HEARD WERE PLANES AND SIRENS
♪ MY DNA DESPISE A COWARD I'M BLACK, RICH, AND EDUCATED
♪ SO I GOT THE POWER I THINK LIKE A KING
♪ ACT LIKE A KING WHEN YOU WAS ON A TRAMPOLINE
♪ I WAS ON A TRIPLE BEAM PROMETHAZINE WITH MY PINKY RING
♪ YEAH, TEAM BLOWIN' UP LIKE CREATINE
♪ YEAH QUEEN SWEAR I'MA PROTECT MYSELF
♪ IF YOU DON'T MEAN WELL ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ AND I'M LIKE HOW THE HELL A
♪ [NO AUDIO] SUPPOSED TO BREATHE IF ALL THEY DO IS
♪ KILL OFF ALL THE KINGS? EVERY OTHER NIGHT
♪ A DIFFERENT MURDER SCENE EVERY OTHER NIGHT
♪ A DIFFERENT MURDER SCENE AND I GOT A FULL VISION
♪ TRYNA SEE MY SON GROW UP AND I CAN'T CHOSE DIFFERENT
♪ EVERY NIGHT DREAM ABOUT ME KILLING
♪ IT WAS TOO VICIOUS I FEEL LIKE
♪ HOW THE HELL A [NO AUDIO] SUPPOSED TO BREATHE
♪ IF ALL THEY DO IS KILL OFF ALL THE KINGS?
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ I'M A KING NOW
[NO AUDIO] PLAYIN ♪ SPOT EM
GOT 'EM ♪ HAND THAT 40 ON MY LEVI'S
AND ON THE STREET SIDE ♪ YOU WASN'T OUT THERE
ON THEM CORNERS WITH THEM ♪ SHORTYS TRYNA GET BACK
WE WAS RAISED FROM ALL THEM ♪ DIFFERENT RAPPERS
THEY JUST CLAIMING [NO AUDIO] ♪ YOU AIN'T LOSE
NOBODY FROM YOUR BLOCK ♪ YOU JUST BE NAMING [NO AUDIO]
[NO AUDIO] GET OUT THEY BODY ♪ LIKE I WON'T SHOOT 'EM
I HATE THIS FAMOUS [NO AUDIO] ♪ AND I'M FROM THAT BLOCK
YOUR HOMIE'LL KILL YA ♪ THAT'S THAT DANGEROUS
[NO AUDIO] ♪THE WAY HE DRESSING UP
THE OPP BLOCK HE A STYLIST ♪ I HATE TALKIN' TO MY DOG
ON A TABLET ♪ GAVE 'EM MY LAST 800 OFF OF
1000 ♪ THAT WAS MY MANS BUT HE
TRADED, HE A COWARD ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ AND I'M LIKE HOW THE HELL A
♪ [NO AUDIO] SUPPOSED TO BREATHE IF ALL THEY DO IS
♪ KILL OFF ALL THE KINGS? EVERY OTHER NIGHT
♪ A DIFFERENT MURDER SCENE EVERY OTHER NIGHT
♪ A DIFFERENT MURDER SCENE AND I GOT A FULL VISION
♪ TRYNA SEE MY SON GROW UP AND I CAN'T CHOSE DIFFERENT
♪ EVERY NIGHT DREAM ABOUT ME KILLING
♪ IT WAS TOO VICIOUS I FEEL LIKE
♪ HOW THE HELL A [NO AUDIO] SUPPOSE TO BREATHE
♪ IF ALL THEY DO IS KILL OFF ALL THE KINGS?
♪ ♪ ♪ YEAH.
DON'T SELL US OUT RIGHT NOW. SLEEPY ROSE, LIL DURK, WE
APPRECIATATE Y'ALL! >> Stephen: 2 CHAINZ,
EVERYBODY! THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW."
JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT. GOOD NIGHT.