PLAYER JOHN STOCKTON HAS COME UNDER CRITICISM FOR HIS
ANTI-VACCINE CONSPIRACIES. IN A RECENT INTERVIEW IN THE
"SPOKESMAN REVIEW," STOCKTON CLAIMED...
♪ ♪ ♪
>> WELCOME TO "ESPN SPORTS
CENTER." RECAPPING THE WEEK IN SPORTS,
LET'S GO TO THE HIGHLIGHTS. PLENTY OF P.G.A. ACTION AT
TORREY PINES. TOUGH START FOR RORY SPEATH, WHO
HIT INTO A TRAP ON THE FOURTH HOLE, AND THEN DIED.
ON THE SEVENTH, JORDAN McILROY DEAD.
ON THE 11TH, IN THE WATER HAZARD, GARY FALDO.
LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THE LEADER BOARD:
TONY GRIFFIN, DEAD BRYSON ROSE, DEAD.
JUSTIN DECHAMBEAU, 2 OVER PAR, AND SIX FEET UNDER.
UP NEXT, TENNIS. THE MIAMI OPEN.
WHERE NOVAK DJOKOVIC WAS ON FIRE, SERVING A RECORD 113
STRAIGHT ACES TO A DEAD RAFAEL NADAL.
AND, FINALLY, THE M.L.B., WHERE THE RED SOX TOOK ON THE YANKEES.
BOTH TEAMS DIED DURING THE SECOND INNING, BUT BECAUSE IT'S
BASEBALL, NOBODY NOTICED.
>> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
TONIGHT: NO PORT FOR OLD MAN.
PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES: ADRIEN BRODY
AND MUICAL GUEST LADY WRAY
FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN.
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE
ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: THAT'S WHAT I WAS HOPING FOR.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Audience: STEPHEN!
STEPHEN! STEPHEN!
>> Stephen: THANK YOU, LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN. HELLO!
♪ ♪ ♪ WELCOME, ONE AND ALL-- LOOK!
WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW." I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
THE BIG STORY-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
IF YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN CHECKING YOUR PHONES BEFORE THE SHOW
BEGAN, BUT, THE BIG STORY TONIGHT COMES FROM THE HIGHEST
COURT IN THE LAND, BECAUSE SUPREME COURT JUSTICE STEPHEN
BREYER IS RETIRING. YES, YOU HEARD THAT RIGHT.
HE'S RETIRING FROM THE COURT, BUT THERE'S RUMORS HE'S GOING TO
BE THE NEXT QUARTERBACK FOR THE TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS.
HE CAN STILL DO IT. THEY'RE A VERY-- THEY'RE A VERY
FORGIVING ORGANIZATION. THIS COMES AFTER A YEAR -LONG,
HIGH-PRESSURE CAMPAIGN TO GET BREYER TO STEP DOWN WHILE
DEMOCRATS STILL HAVE CONTROL OF THE SENATE, WHICH INCLUDED
A BILLBOARD TRUCK THAT DROVE AROUND WASHINGTON D.C., THAT
SAID "BREYER, RETIRE." ( LAUGHTER )
THAT HAS GOT TO STING. THAT'S LIKE IF I WALKED UP TO
THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER AND THE BUILDING SAID, "QUIT."
THIS MEANS-- SOME DAY. SOME DAY.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
BUT THAT'S SOME DAY IS NOT TODAY.
THIS MEANS THAT PRESIDENT BIDEN WILL GET HIS FIRST CHANCE TO
NAME A NEW SUPREME COURT JUSTICE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) COME ON!
MENT. >> Jon: THERE WE GO.
>> Stephen: AND KEEP IN MIND, KEEP IN MIND, IF BIDEN CAN
GET HIS NOMINEE CONFIRMED, DEMOCRATS WILL STILL HAVE A
CRUSHING MINORITY. THERE WAS SOME REPORTING THAT
BREYER WAS UPSET THAT HIS RETIREMENT NEWS LEAKED TODAY,
BUT THAT WAS WALKED BACK LATER. REPORTERS SAY JUSTICE BREYER HAD
FIRMLY DECIDED ON HIS OWN TO RETIRE AND THAT AN ANNOUNCEMENT
WAS DUE VERY SOON. AND WHILE IT APPEARS SOMEONE
JUMPED THE GUN ON THAT, BETTER TO CHARACTERIZE HIM AS
"SURPRISED" BY EVENTS TODAY THAN "UPSET."
YES, SOMEBODY-- SOMEBODY SIMPLY JUMPED THE GUN.
THAT GUN, BY THE WAY, HAS MORE RIGHTS THAN MOST WOMEN DO UNDER
THE CURRENT SUPREME COURT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
OF COURSE, STEPHEN BREYER IS AN OLD FRIEND OF MINE, AND WHEN HE
WAS ON THE SHOW BACK IN SEPTEMBER, I ASKED HIM ABOUT
THIS. THE LAST QUESTION IS ARE YOU
GOING TO RETIRE? >> AM I GOING TO RETIRE?
EVENTUALLY. I DON'T WANT TO DIE.
>> Stephen: WHAT WOULD DO YOU IF YOU DID RETIRE?
IF YOU COULD RETIRE, IF THIS WAS THE RIGHT TIME, WHAT WOULD YOUR
PLANS BE? JUSTICE >> I'M NOT SURE.
>> Stephen: WHAT'S FUN FOR YOU?
>> I'M NOT SURE. >> Stephen: HIKING?
WOODWORKING? >> COOKING.
>> Stephen: COOKING? >> YEAH.
>> Stephen: OKAY. YOU'RE GOING TO GET A LOT OF
REALLY NICE POTS AND PANS AFTER THIS INTERVIEW.
( LAUGHTER ) BREYER'S FORTHCOMING COOKBOOK,
"FROM TORTS TO TARTS." ( LAUGHTER )
"HOW I LEFT THE BENCH AND STEPPED UP TO THE BUNDT."
BUT THE PRESIDENT'S GOT A LOT MORE ON HIS PLATE THAN FINDING A
NEW JUSTICE. RUSSIA IS POISED TO INVADE
UKRAINE, SO YESTERDAY, BIDEN THREATENED TO IMPOSE PERSONAL
SANCTIONS AGAINST PUTIN, INCLUDING SEIZING ASSETS AND
BARRING TRAVEL TO THE UNITED STATES.
BOOM! YOU HEAR THAT, VLAD.
YOU HEAR THAT, VLAD? YOU MESS WITH UKRAINE, YOU CAN
FORGET THE PUTIN FAMILY TRIP TO DISNEY WORLD!
HE'LL HAVE TO SETTLE FOR THE RUSSIAN EQUIVALENT: TURNIPTOWN.
IT'S THE HAPPIEST PLACE IN RUSSIA.
OF COURSE, IT ALL DEPENDS ON WHAT PUTIN DOES NEXT, WHICH IS
ANYONE'S GUESS. AS PRESIDENT BIDEN PUT IT
YESTERDAY: >> YOU KNOW, I'LL BE COMPLETELY
HONEST WITH YOU. IT'S A LITTLE BIT LIKE READING
TEA LEAVES. >> Stephen: YES, IT'S JUST--
IT'S JUST LIKE READING TEA LEAVES.
THOUGH, FOR PUTIN, IT'S A PRETTY EASY READ.
( LAUGHTER ) SO-- THE WORLD'S--
( APPLAUSE ) IT SPELLS IT OUT.
>> Stephen: SO, THE WORLD'S TWO GREATEST NUCLEAR POWERS ARE TOE
TO TOE IN A HIGH-STAKES STARING CONTEST, BUT NOT EVERYONE'S
PULLING FOR OUR GUY. ACCORDING TO A NEW POLL, 62% OF
REPUBLICANS SAY PUTIN IS A STRONGER LEADER THAN BIDEN.
( BOOING ) WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!
STOP ROOTING FOR THE OTHER TEAM! HAVEN'T YOU SEEN "ROCKY IV,"
"FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE," "AIR FORCE ONE," "RAMBO:
FIRST BLOOD PART II," "GOLDEN EYE," "THE HUNT FOR RED
OCTOBER"? ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
DOES-- DOES YOUR CABLE SYSTEM NOT CARRY TBS?
( LAUGHTER ) REPUBLICAN CRITERIA FOR
"TOUGHNESS" IS. IT'S TRUE THAT JOE BIDEN HASN'T MURDERED ANYONE
WITH A CUP OF TEA LACED WITH POLONIUM, A NOOSE, POINT -BLANK
SHOOTINGS, OR BY CHUCKING THEM OUT OF WINDOWS.
THE ONLY WAY'S JOE'S GONNA KILL YOU IS BY REPEATEDLY TELLING THE
SAME STORY. ( AS BIDEN )
FINGERS, TOMMY POTATO, SLAPJACK, AND POPCORN, ALL STANDING AROUND
SHARING A BIG BUCKET OF MOTHBALLS.
THE YEAR WAS 40-AUGHT-2, AND WE WERE STARIN' UP AT AN OL'
HUCKLEBERRY MOON. ANYWAY, SLAPJACK WAS A BIG GUY
AND HE HAD THESE TINY LITTLE FEET.
HEY! DON'T PASS OUT!
KEEP BREATHING!
COME ON, WAKE UP!
DANG IT! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
"LOST ANOTHER ONE." ( LAUGHTER )
THINK BIDEN IS WEAKER. IT'S THAT THEY'RE CRUSHIN' HARD
ON VLAD. HERE'S THE LAST G.O.P. SECRETARY
OF STATE, WHAT'S LEFT OF MIKE POMPEO.
>> VLADIMIR PUTIN RESPECTED US. WE HAD RESPECT FOR HIM AND HIS
POWER. HE'S A VERY TALENTED STATESMAN.
HE HAS LOTS OF GIFTS. >> Stephen: MIKE, DON'T OPEN
THOSE GIFTS! THOSE GRAPEFRUITS FROM HARRY &
DAVID ARE TICKING! IT GETS WORSE.
THE POLL ALSO SAID JUST 4% OF REPUBLICANS SAY BIDEN IS
STRONGER THAN PUTIN, AND 25% DECLINED TO TAKE SIDES.
THAT MAKES SENSE: REPUBLICANS HAVE A LONG HISTORY OF IDOLIZING
RUSSIAN LEADERS. WE ALL REMEMBER REAGAN'S FAMOUS
SPEECH: >> MR. GORBACHEV, I LOVE WHAT
YOU'VE DONE WITH THIS WALL! >> Stephen: BUT BIDEN'S STILL
GOT A WAY TO APPEAL TO THE FOX NEWS VOTE, AND HE'S GOT A
CHANCE, ACCORDING TO THIS MORNING'S "FOX
& FRIENDS." >> AMERICA'S RATINGS OF
PRESIDENT BIDEN'S PERSONAL CHARACTERISTICS 60%.
SIX OUT OF 10 LIKE HIM. AND 37% SAYS HE IS A STRONG AND
DECISIVE LEADER. IF I WAS TO PICK STRONG NUMBERS
FOR THE COUNTRY, I WOULD LIKE IT REVERSED: GIVE ME A STRONG
LEADER THAT'S A LITTLE LESS LIKEABLE.
>> Stephen: THE REPUBLICANS' DADDY ISSUES ARE GOING TO
KILL US ALL. ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) RUSSIA, BUT THEY BETTER HURRY,
BECAUSE THEY'RE ABOUT TO LOSE ONE OF THEIR MEMBERS: BRITISH
PRIME MINISTER AND MAN WHOSE CARPET MATCHES THE HAYSTACK,
BORIS JOHNSON. ( LAUGHTER )
LOSING HIS JOB, THANKS TO THE SCANDAL BRITS HAVE DUBBED,
PARTYGATE. NO, NO, BRITAIN!
"GATES" ARE OUR THING. YOU HAVE TO GET YOUR OWN BRITISH
SUFFIX FOR SCANDALS. MIGHT I SUGGEST CALLING THEM
"PRINCE ANDREWS"? ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
SEE, THAT'S BETTER. IT'S HONEST NJTSZ YOU'RE PUTTING
IT OUT THERE! >> Stephen: THAT'S HONEST,
BABY. YOU HAVE TO PUT IT OUT THERE.
THAT'S WHAT ANDREW DID. HE PUT IT OUT THERE, THAT'S WHY
IT'S A SCANDAL-- ALLEGEDLY, ALLEGEDLY!
SO WHAT IS PARTY PRINCE ANDREW? WELL, LATE LAST YEAR, REPORTS
SURFACED OF A CHRISTMAS PARTY THAT TOOK PLACE AT DOWNING
STREET, THE PRIME MINISTER'S RESIDENCE, DURING THE COVID
LOCKDOWN IN DECEMBER OF 2020. THEN, "THE GUARDIAN" RELEASED A
PHOTO FROM MAY 15, 2020, SHOWING THE PRIME MINISTER AND
HIS WIFE IN THEIR SUNNY GARDEN, ALONGSIDE 17 STAFFERS AND
HALF-MPTY BOTTLES OF WINE. SO THE PRIME MINISTER IS GOING
TO GET FIRED OVER A GARDEN PARTY.
THE ONLY WAY THIS SCANDAL COULD BE MORE BRITISH IS IF PBS
INTERRUPTED IT HALFWAY THROUGH TO ASK FOR PLEDGES.
( LAUGHTER ) BUT--
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) AN ALBUM.
TOAT BAG. TOAT BAG.
BUT IT DIDN'T STOP THERE. AN EMAIL THEN LEAKED FROM ONE OF
BORIS' SENIOR AIDES REGARDING ANOTHER GARDEN PARTY ON
MAY 20, 2020. IN THE EMAIL, THE AIDE INVITED
MORE THAN 100 STAFF, TELLING THEM TO "BRING YOUR OWN BOOZE"!
OKAY, THAT SOUNDS CHEAP, BUT EVEN IN THE WHITE HOUSE, YOU
GOTTA BRING YOUR OWN SIX PACK. JUST REMEMBER THE SIGN ON
TRUMAN'S DESK: GAS, GRASS, OR ASS-- I DON'T PRESIDENT FOR
FREE. GIVE THEM HELL, HARRY.
MORE ALLEGATIONS EMERGED THAT STAFFERS HELD TWO PARTIES ON THE
EVE OF PRINCE PHILIP'S FUNERAL. ON NOVEMBER 13, THERE WAS
ALLEGEDLY A PARTY AT BORIS' RESIDENCE, THEN ON NOVEMBER 27,
THERE WAS AN IMPROMPTU FAREWELL CELEBRATION FOR AN
AIDE, NOT TO MENTION THE RECURRING "WINE TIME FRIDAYS."
I DIDN'T KNOW 10 DOWNING WAS SUCH A PARTY PALACE!
THOUGH IT DOES EXPLAIN THAT WINSTON CHURCHILL CLIP:
>> WE SHALL FIGHT THEM ON THE BEACHES, WE SHALL FIGHT THEM
ON THE LANDING GROUNDS-- ( DOORBELL RINGS )
I CALL THE PEPPERONI. NOM-NOM-NOM-NOM-NOM-NOM-NOM.
>> Stephen: PEOPLE WERE NATURALLY--
( APPLAUSE ) NOM-NOM-NOM.
PEOPLE WERE NATURALLY UPSET THAT THE PRIME MINISTER WAS PARTYING
WHILE THEY COULDN'T EVEN ATTEND FUNERALS, SO JOHNSON WENT BEFORE
PARLIAMENT TO TRY TO EXPLAIN: >> I HAVE BEEN REPEATEDLY
ASSURED SINCE THESE ALLEGATIONS EMERGED THAT THERE WAS NO PARTY
AND THAT NO COVID RULES WERE BROKEN.
WHEN I WENT INTO THAT GARDEN JUST AFTER 6:00 ON THE 20th OF
MAY, 2020, I BELIEVED IMPLICITLY THAT THIS WAS A WORK EVENT.
>> Stephen (AS JOHNSON): "MR. SPEAKER, WHEN I WAS
PHOTOGRAPHED SNORTING MOLLY OFF THOSE STRIPPERS' BUTTOCKS, YOU
HAVE TO UNDERSTAND, I THOUGHT I WAS ASSURED IT WAS A "WORK"
ORGY." ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
JOHNSON EVENTUALLY APOLOGIZED. SCANDAL OVER, RIGHT?
WRONG. 12 DAYS LATER WHEN ALLEGATIONS
THEN EMERGED THAT IN JUNE 2020 BORIS HELD A BIRTHDAY BASH.
ONE MEMBER OF THE PRIME MINISTER'S PARTY TRIED TO COVER
UP FOR HIM BY CLAIMING THAT JOHNSON WAS "AMBUSHED WITH A
CAKE." ( LAUGHTER )
THING IN THE U.K. WE ACTUALLY HAVE SOME FOOTAGE OF
A BRITISH CITIZEN BEING AMBUSHED BY A DESSERT.
>> HELLOOOOO! WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT. MY GUEST IS ADRIEN BRODY.
BUT WHEN WE RETURN, THE TOP FASHION ADVICE IN THE WORLD...
IS NOT AVAILABLE, SO I'M GONNA TAKE A CRACK.
( APPLAUSE ) WELCOME BACK EVERYBODY!
SAY HELLO TO JON BATISTE AND THE STAY HUMANIZERS.
JON, JON, EVERYBODY OVER THERE, DOES ANYBODY KNOW-- DO WE KNOW
WHAT'S GOING ON WITH THE WEATHER THIS WEEKEND?
IS IT GOING TO BE, LIKE, A GIANT STORM IN THE NEW YORK.
>> GIANT. >> Stephen: GIANT?
REALLY? YES?
OKAY. DO YOU KNOW?
HAVE YOU HEARD?
>> Jon: I HEARD ABOUT THAT. I HEARD IT'S GOING TO BE COMING
DOWN OUT THERE. WINTER WONDERLAND.
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW WHAT I LOVE ABOUT NEW YORK, NEW YORK,
FOR JUST A FEW MINUTES AFTER A BIG SNOWFALL, EVERYTHING IS
CLEAN AND QUIET. >> Jon: I LOVE THAT.
>> Stephen: IT'S JUST A LITTLE-- LITTLE FARM TOWN.
( LAUGHTER ). >> Stephen: ADRIEN BRODY IS
GOING TO BE OUT HERE IN JUST A MOMENT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). >> Jon: LOVE ADRIEN.
>> Stephen: OSCAR-WINNING ADRIEN BRODY IS GOING TO BE OUT
HERE. AMAZING MAN, IN THE MEANTIME,
FOLKS, IF THERE'S ONE THING I'M KNOWN FOR IT'S FASHION.
FROM MY LIGHT-BLUE SUITS TO MY DARK-BLUE SUITS TO THE
OCCASIONAL LIGHT GREY, I ALWAYS SLAY.
WHICH IS WHY I AM JUST THE MAN TO CATCH YOU UP ON ALL THE
LATEST STYLE TRENDS IN MY SEGMENT:
>> THE LATE CHIC PRESENTS: STEPHEN COLBERT'S SLAY YOUR
FLEEK. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: WELCOME TO TONIGHT'S FLEEK SLAYING.
RIGHT NOW, THE HOT NEW THING IS BEING TOTALLY OVER THAT THING
AND MOVING ON TO THE NEXT THING BECAUSE, AMONG GEN Z AND
MILLENNIALS, MICRO-TRENDS CONTINUE TO GAIN TRACTION.
THESE ARE CHEAP, STYLISH FASHION ITEMS THAT ARE DESIGNED TO LAST
ONLY UNTIL THE END OF THE CURRENT SEASON.
AND, THANKS TO GLOBAL WARMING, EVERY DAY IS A NEW SEASON
( LAUGHTER ) TODAY IS "MUGGY-COLD," AND THE
FORECAST FOR TOMORROW IS "MID-WINTER SPRING VOLCANO!"
( LAUGHTER ) FOR STARTERS, THE BIG MEN'S
FASHION TREND OF 2022 IS DRESSING LIKE A TWEEN.
'KAY. THAT'S WEIRD.
ALSO VERY SPECIFIC. "EXCUSE ME, DOES THIS SHIRT MAKE
ME LOOK 12? IT'S OUR ANNIVERSARY TONIGHT.
DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING WITH SNOOPY ON IT?"
( LAUGHTER ) LIKE CHILDREN IS CALLED
"KIDCORE." FASHION EXPERTS CAME UP WITH THE
TERM BY ASKING, "HOW CAN WE MAKE THE PEOPLE WHO DO THIS SOUND THE
MOST LIKE PEDOPHILES?" ( LAUGHTER )
IT'S A WEIRD NAME.
KIDCORE TAKES IT'S INSPIRATION FROM KIDS' POP CULTURE AND
FASHION IN THE '90s AND THE AUGHTS.
THIS TREND IS ALL ABOUT CAREFREE FUN AND COMFORT, ALLOWING ADULT
MEN TO CONJURE THEIR TWEEN -AGE YEARS.
PERFECT FOR THE ADULT MAN WHO LIKES BEING A GROWN-UP BUT
MISSES ACNE AND AWKWARD BONERS.
( LAUGHTER ) WITHIN THE MICRO-TREND OF
ENHANCING YOUR MOOD THROUGH THE WEARING OF JOYFUL ATTIRE THAT IS
OFTEN FULL OF COLOR, TEXTURES, OR PATTERNS, KNOWN AS "DOPAMINE
DRESSING"-- WHICH IS NOT, AS I HOPED, WHEN YOU ADD SOME CRUSHED
UP MOLLY TO A BOTTLE OF RANCH. ( LAUGHTER )
ANOTHER-- ANOTHER-- ( APPLAUSE )
ANOTHER MICRO-TREND IS "JELLYFISHING," WHICH IS THE ART
OF WEARING YOUR CHUNKIEST PUFFER COAT OR BULKIEST SWEATER WITH
SLIM-FITTING BOTTOMS TO RESEMBLE A BELL-SHAPED JELLYFISH BODY AND
TENTACLES. REMEMBER: IF YOU COME INTO
CONTACT WITH SOMEONE WHILE THEY ARE JELLYFISHING, DON'T PANIC.
JUST ASK A FRIEND TO PEE ON YOU. ( LAUGHTER )
♪ ♪ ♪ AND NOW...
THAT'S WHAT YOU'VE GOT TO DO. IT'S WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO.
AND NOW MICRO-TRENDS ARE MOVING SO QUICK, THINGS ARE COMING BACK
THAT AREN'T EVEN OLD, LIKE THE RETURN OF THE HIPSTER.
HIPSTERS ARE BACK! AND THAT SOUND YOU HEAR IS A
THOUSAND YOUNG MEN IN BEANIES TELLING YOU THAT THAT SOUND YOU
HEAR IS ACTUALLY SO MUCH WARMER ON VINYL.
( LAUGHTER ) IS ABOUT AMERICAN APPAREL GOLD
LAME LEGGINGS, SIDESWEPT BANGS, RICHIE TENENBAUM HEADBANDS,
AND TANK TOPS WITH CRATEROUS ARMHOLES THAT DIP ALL THE WAY TO
THE HIP BONES. BUT THE STYLE IS NOW GOING BY A
NEW NAME: "INDIE SLEAZE." KIND OF AN OFF-PUTTING NAME TO
GIVE YOUR OWN STYLE. IT'S LIKE CALLING YOUR
RESTAURANT "RAY'S DISGUSTING SANDWICHES."
( LAUGHTER ) HIPSTER TREND WAS, LIKE, 2012.
AS ONE STYLE EXPERT PUT IT, "TREND CYCLES HAVE SPED UP TO
SUCH A DEGREE THAT THE VANGUARD COOL KIDS ARE NOW IDOLIZING A
TIME THAT WAS BARELY 10 YEARS IN THE PAST."
IT'S BECOMING IMPOSSIBLE TO KEEP UP.
SO HERE TO SCHOOL US ON THE LATEST HIGH-SPEED FASHION TRENDS
IS MY WRITER AND CERTIFIED YOUNG PERSON, ELIANA KWARTLER
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> HI, STEVE!
HI, STEVE! HELLO.
>> Stephen: ELIANA, ELIANA, THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE TO HELP
US SLAY THE FLEEK. >> AND ALSO WITH YOU.
>> Stephen: ELIANA, I LOVE THE OUTFIT.
IS THAT SWEATER INDIE SLEAZE? >> OH, MY GOD, NO, GRANDPA.
INDIE SLEAZE IS DEAD. >> Stephen: BUT I WAS JUST
SAYING IT'S THE HOT NEW TREND. >> AND IT WAS UNTIL THIS
AFTERNOON. KEEP UP, STEVE.
YOU CAN'T SPELL "FASHION" WITHOUT "FAST."
>> Stephen: YES, YOU CAN. ( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: YOU WENT TO YALE. >> SO DID GEORGE BUSH.
( LAUGHTER ) ARE OBSESSED WITH THIS TOTALLY
THROW-BACK AND RETRO NEW STYLE CALLED 2021-CORE.
>> Stephen: 2021 WAS A MONTH AGO.
>> I KNOW. SO VINTAGE, RIGHT?
2021-CORE IS, LIKE, INSANELY FUGLY.
LIKE, IT'S MIDDLE PARTS. IT'S "SQUID GAME."
IT'S SAYING IT'S A "NO BONES DAY."
PEOPLE WERE SO WEIRD BACK THEN. >> Stephen: OKAY, I THINK I
GET IT. SO, LIKE, 2021-CORE IS LIKE
CROCS WITH LOW-RISE JEANS. >> EXACTLY.
BUT, UNFORTUNATELY, NOW THAT YOU GET IT, 2021-CORE IS OVER.
( LAUGHTER ) SAY THAT'S...
THAT'S HARSH. >> THE NEW HOT TREND THAT ALL
YOUNG PEOPLE ARE LEGIT PISSING THEMSELVES OVER IS CALLED "EIGHT
MINUTES AGO-CHIC." IT'S DARK SUITS.
IT'S MONOLOGUE. IT'S STANDING OVER THERE INSTEAD
OF SITTING OVER HERE. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, I UNDERSTAND. >> CLEARLY. AND THAT SUCKS,
BECAUSE THE HOT NEW VINTAGE TREND--
>> Stephen: THERE CAN'T BE ANOTHER ONE.
AFTER THAT, WE'RE UP TO THE PRESENT.
>> WHICH IS DEAD NOW. THE NEW VINTAGE STYLE IS
FUTURE-CORE. IT'S WHATEVER YOU'RE WEARING
NOW, AND THEN YOU CONTINUE TO WEAR IT TOMORROW, SO TOMORROW
YOU'LL HAVE SOMETHING TO LOOK BACK ON FROM TODAY.
>> Stephen: THEN DID YOU WEAR THIS OUTFIT YESTERDAY?
>> UM, NO, I WORE IT TOMORROW. DUH.
( APPLAUSE ) ME" IS SO TACKY.
>> Stephen: HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT TOMORROW YOU THINKS?
>> I AM TOMORROW ME, STEVE. I'M TOMORROW ME'S YESTERDAY ME,
AND YESTERDAY'S ME'S TOMORROW ME.
AND TOMORROW I WILL BE TODAY'S ME, AND ALSO YESTERDAY ME FOR
TOMORROW'S TOMORROW ME. IT'S NOT COMPLICATED, STEVE
>> Stephen: ELIANA KWARTLER, EVERYONE.
ELIANA THANK YOU FOR SLAYING THE FLEEK, LIKE NEVER BEFORE.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
( APPLAUSE ) WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW."
MY GUEST TONIGHT IS THE ACADEMY AWARD- WINNING ACTOR YOU KNOW
FROM "THE FRENCH DISPATCH," "THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL," AND "THE
PIANIST." HIS LATEST FILM IS "CLEAN."
>> SIR, WE'RE CLOSED.
( BLEEP ). I SAID WE'RE CLOSED.
♪ ♪ ♪ I'M GOING TO HAVE TO OPEN YOU
UP. >> WHAT?
( BLEEP ). ♪ ♪ ♪
( BLEEP ). ( BLEEP ).
>> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW,"
ADRIEN BRODY! ♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE ) AGAIN.
LOVELY TO HAVE YOU HERE. >> IT'S NICE, THANK YOU.
IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU ALL. NICE TO SEE PEOPLE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). >> Stephen: HUMAN BEINGS.
>> PEOPLE! HUMAN BEINGS!
>> Stephen: IS THIS ONE OF YOUR FIRST CROWDS SINCE THE
WHOLE LOCKDOWN? >> IT'S THE FIRST TIME I'VE SEEN
PEOPLE. I'VE BEEN LOCKED DOWN.
>> Stephen: PEOPLE ARE NICE, AREN'T THEY?
>> PEOPLE ARE NICE. >> Stephen: THAT WAS A VERY
INTENSE CLIP WE SAW RIGHT THERE. I THINK OF YOU MORE AS A LOVER
THAN A FIGHTER. >> THAT WAS THE LOVE SCENE OF
THE MOVIE, BY THE WAY. >> Stephen: INTENSE.
WAS THAT A MONKEY WRENCH, A PIPE WRENCH?
>> IT WAS A PIPE WRENCH. IT'S A WONDERFUL TOOL, VERY
VERSATILE. >> Stephen: MULTIPURPOSE.
>> MULTIPURPOSE. >> Stephen: I UNDERSTAND IN
THIS FILM, "CLEAN," SOMEBODY VERY IMPORTANT TO YOU WAS GIVEN
AN UNUSUAL CREDIT FOR THE FILM. WHO WAS THAT AND WHY?
>> SO, YEAH. SO...
ONE OF MY DEAREST FRIENDS, HIS NAME WAS PATRICK OLDANNY.
HE WAS ASSIGNED AS MY STAND -IN WHEN I WAS 19 ON STEPHEN SOD
BERG'S FILM "KING OF THE HILL." WE FILMED IN ST. LOUIS, AND
WE'VE BEEN BEST FRIENDS-- MY PARENTS CALL HIM "THE GOOD SON,"
WHICH WOULD IMPLY -- >> Stephen: SURE.
>> OBVIOUSLY, YES. AND HE JUST-- HE'S BEEN IN MY
LIFE FOREVER. HE MET HIS WIFE INDIRECTLY
COMING TO VISIT ME FOR NEW YEAR'S.
WE USED TO HAVE THIS THING. ANYWAY, PATRICK PASSED AWAY LAST
YEAR. UNFORTUNATELY.
AND IT IS A LOSS. HE WAS A WONDERFUL GUY.
BUT HE WAS-- HE WAS KIND OF-- HE-- HE-- WE CREDIT HIM AS COMIC
RERELIEF, WHICH WAS HIS REQUEST. >> Stephen: COMMIE RELIEF IN
THIS MOVIE. >> IN THIS FILM, YES.
IF YOU MAKE IT TO THE END CREDITS OF "CLEAN," WE WILL SEE
PATRICK IS ASSIGNED THIS COMIC RELIEF FOR THE FILM.
AND HE REALLY WAS. AND HE REALLY HELD EVERYONE UP.
BUT HE WAS A PILLAR OF SUPPORT FOR ME.
THIS WAS A VERY DIFFICULT MOVIE. I DON'T WANT TO DIGRESS.
I COWROTE THE FILM, BUT IT'S SOMETHING I'VE BEEN YEARNING TO
MAKE FOR WELL OVER A DECADE, AND I BROUGHT ON PAUL SOLET, THE
DIRECTOR, AND WE WROTE THIS TOGETHER, AND MADE THIS MOVIE.
AND IT'S SOMETHING THAT I'VE BEEN YEARNING TO DO FOR MANY
YEARS, AND IT WAS VERY CHALLENGING TO MAKE AN
INDEPENDENT FILM FROM SCRATCH, VERY INDEPENDENTLY.
AND PATRICK REALLY HELD ME UP. ONE DAY ON SET, PATRICK WAS-- HE
WAS LIKE A ROCK STAR. HE WAS-- HE WAS VERY TALENTED.
AND HE... IT WAS FREEZING. WE SHOT IN WINTER.
AND PATRICK WAS STANDING IN FRONT OF ONE OF OUR MANY HEATERS
THAT DIDN'T REALLY KEEP ANYBODY WARM, AND THE POOR CREW WAS
FREEZING ALL THE TIME. WE WERE ALL FREEZING TO DEATH.
IT WAS HORRIBLE. AND ONE OF THE CREW MEMBERS
LOOKED OVER TO PATRICK AND WAS LIKE, "HEY, MAN, YOU'RE ON
FIRE." AND HE SAID, "HUH?"
"YOU'RE ON FIRE." HE GOES, "OH, THANKS.
OF." HE GOES, ," NO, NO, LITERALLY,
MAN, YOUR LEG IS BURNING." HE HAD CAUGHT ON FIRE.
AND, YOU KNOW, HAD TO PUT HIMSELF OUT AND EVERYTHING.
AND, YOU KNOW, EVERYBODY WAS LIKE, THE WORKING CONDITIONS ARE
REALLY TERRIBLY UNSAFE. ( LAUGHTER )
THAT'S PATRICK." PATRICK FOUND A WAY TO --
>> Stephen: TO BE ON FIRE. >> PAT WAS ALWAYS ON FIRE.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK BUT WHETHER WE COME
BACK, WE'LL HAVE MORE ADRIEN BRODY, EVERYBODY.
STICK AROUND.
HEY EVERYBODY, WE'RE BACK HERE WITH ADRIEN BRODY.
YOU'VE BEEN DOING THIS SINCE YOU WERE REALLY YOUNG.
HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU DID YOUR FIRST PROFESSIONAL ACTING
JOB? >> I WAS...
I WAS-- I WAS GETTING JUMPED GOING TO DO OFFBROADWAY, TAKING
THE TRAIN FROM JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL IN THE EAST VILLAGE.
>> Stephen: WOW. AND WHAT DID YOU SEE?
WHAT WAS THE FIRST SORT OF-- >> I DID A FILM.
>> Stephen: ...PERFORMANCE YOU SAW THAT YOU WENT, "I WANT TO DO
THAT?" WHAT WAS THE FIRST THING THAT
INSPIRED YOU? >> IT'S INTERESTING, MAGIC, I
WAS OBSESSED WITH MAGIC, AND MAGIC CAME IN MY LIFE AT A VERY
YOUNG AGE, AND THAT APPRECIATION FOR MAGIC I THINK, ESPECIALLY AS
A BOY, IT WAS EMPOWERING, YOU KNOW.
I COULD CAPTIVATE ADULTS, AND WHAT I REALIZED IN THINKING BACK
AFTER MANY YEARS-- I WAS A PROFESSIONAL MAGICIAN BEFORE I
WAS-- BEFORE MY DAY JOB. MY DAY JOB WAS I WAS THE
"AMAZING ADRIEN" AND I WOULD DO A BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR 50 BUCK S.
>> Stephen: NO! >> AND I HAD A WHOLE REPERTOIRE.
>> Stephen: ARE THERE PHOTOS! ( APPLAUSE )
YOU WERE STUCK, IF YOU WERE STUCK, COULD YOU STILL-- COULD
YOU STILL DO IT. IF A KID WAS SAD, COULD YOU BE,
"I'M A BIRTHDAY CLOWN." >> IF I'M DRINKING AT A
PARTY,s YOU COULD GET ME TO DO A MAGIC CRICK.
IT'S FUN. BUT I REALIZED MAGIC IS THE
INTRODUCTION TO PERFORMANCE. AND, YOU KNOW, IF YOU BUY A
TRICK, IT'S, YOU KNOW, A BOX, AND YOU GET YOUR LITTLE PRETTY
CRAPPY GIZMO IN THAT, RIGHT? >> Stephen: SURE.
>> THE BASIC BREAKDOWN OF HOW THE TRICK WORKS AND SOME GENERAL
IDEA. AND IT'S UP TO YOU TO BE THE
INDIVIDUAL AND TO MAKE IT UNIQUE.
AND THAT-- WHEN YOU CONVEY THAT-- AND IT EVOLVES.
IT'S LIKE A PERFORMANCE AT A PLAY.
YOU KNOW, YOU DO ONE PERFORMANCE, AND ONE BIT REALLY
WORKED FOR SOMEONE, AND YOU'RE LIKE, "THAT KIND OF WORKED."
AND YOU TRY IT ON SOMEBODY ELSE AND IT EVOLVES.
"THAT PART DIDN'T WORK." AND THAT IS, I THINK, OPENED THE
DOOR FOR ME TO UNDERSTAND MY RELATIONSHIP WITH ACTING AND
UNDERSTANDING IMPROVISATION AND ALL OF THAT.
SO I THINK THAT FED ME A LOT. AND --
>> Stephen: I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU AS AN ACTOR.
WHEN YOU ARE PERFORMING LIVE, PARTICULARLY, AND AN AUDIENCE
IS-- YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO, FOR LACK OF A BETTER WORD, HOOK UP
YOUR JUMPER CABLES TO THE AUDIENCE, WHEN YOU DON'T FEEL
THAT CONNECTION, WHAT IS THE TEMPTITATION TO DO, AND WHAT DO
YOU HAVE TO DO TO ACTUALRY MAKE THAT CONNECTION?
IS THERE SOMETHING YOU-- SOME REACTION THAT YOU HAVE THAT YOU
THINK IS THE BEST ONE TO AN AUDIENCE YOU DIDN'T FEEL IS
QUITE. >> YOU MEAN IN LIVE PERFORMANCE?
>> IN LIVE PERFORMANCE, YEAH. >> THIS IS THE CLOSEST THING I
HAVE DONE TO A LIVE PERFORMANCE IN YEARS.
YOU SHOULD PROBABLY TALK-- ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: YEAH, YEAH, I DEAL WITH THAT ALL THE TIME.
>> YOU DO, RIGHT? >> Stephen: NO, IT'S SUBTLE,
BUT YOU WANT TO FEEL LIKE YOU'RE CONNECTING WITH THE AUDIENCE,
AND THERE'S A TENDENCY TO WANT TO MUSCLE AN AUDIENCE.
>> I DON'T WANT TO MUSCLE ANYBODY.
YOU DON'T DO THAT. >> Stephen: NO, THAT'S THE
TEMPTATION. WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO IS YOU HAVE
TO ACTUALLY RELAX. >> THE ODD THING IS WHEN THERE'S
A DISCONNECT. >> Stephen: YEAH.
>> THIS IS A VERY CONNECTED SPACE, AND THEY CAN HEAR CLEARLY
AND IT'S WHEN YOU DO AN INTRO AT AN AWARDS SHOW, FOR INSTANCE.
>> Stephen: THOSE ARE ALWAYS WONDERFUL!
>> AREN'T THEY WONDERFUL! ( LAUGHTER )
WASTED BY THE TIME YOU GET UP, AND YOU'VE GOTTEN TWO SECONDS.
THEY'VE WRITTEN SOMETHING FOR YOU TO SAY, AND THEN YOU MIGHT
THINK IT'S FUNNY, OR THE WRITER THINKS IT'S FUNNY, AND YOU HAVE
TO MAKE IT FUNNY. AND NOBODY'S PAYING ANY
ATTENTION. AND YOU DON'T HEAR IT, AND THEY
DON'T HEAR YOU, AND THEY DON'T SEE-- AND IT'S THIS VOID.
AND THAT'S AWFUL. AND THEN, YOU REALLY DON'T HAVE
ANY INTERACTION. SO...
>> Stephen: NEXT TIME, JUST DO A MAGIC TRICK WHEN YOU GO OUT
THERE. JUST...
>> YOU GO "ANY THE WINNER IS..." ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) BECAUSE THOSE ARE HIS NOTES, AND
HE WON'T KNOW WHO TO INTRODUCE NEXT.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK, BUT STICK AROUND.
WHEN WE COME BACK, I WILL ASK ADRIEN ABOUT HIS RECENT ROLE AS
JOSH ARONSON IN "SUCCESSION."
WE'RE BACK WITH THE STAR OF "CLEAN," ADRIEN BRODY.
I WANT TO TALK ABOUT YOUR ROLE AS JOSH AARONSON IN
"SUCCESSION." HERE YOU ARE.
THIS WAS MIDSEASON THIS PAST SEASON.
HERE'S THIS CHARACTER. HE'S THIS OTHER BILLIONAIRE, AND
COMES IN AND PUNCTURES THEIR CLAUSTROPHOBIC TERRAREIUM OF
FAMILY POLITICS WITH YOUR OLYMPIC DISDAIN FOR THEM.
I HAD TO WRITE YOU THE NEXT DAY. IT WAS SUCH A FANTASTIC
PERFORMANCE. BUT THE QUESTION IS HOW MANY
LAYERS ARE YOU WEARING AS THIS CHARACTER?
( LAUGHTER ) I COUNTED SIX LAYERS THAT YOU'RE
WEARING THERE. >> AT LEAST, AT LEAST.
>> Stephen: WHY SO MANY LAYERS?
WHAT'S THAT CHOICE? >> THAT'S SO GREAT.
AND HE WROTE ME THE LOVELIEST NOTE.
AND I THINK MY DAD APPRECIATED STEPHEN'S NOTE MORE THAN MY WORK
IN "SUCCESSION." IT WAS REALLY BEAUTIFUL, THANK
YOU, AND KIND. THAT WAS A VERY CONSCIOUS CHOICE
ON MY PART. >> Stephen: REALLY?
>> YES. AND, YOU KNOW, IT'S A
WONDERFUL-- IT WAS A WONDERFUL BIT.
AND I'D LOVE TO COME BACK AND DO A LOT MORE TO DISRUPT THAT POWER
STRUGGLE. ( APPLAUSE ).
ENDORSE THAT IDEA. >> THANK YOU.
IT WAS REALLY-- IT WAS VERY EXCITING BECAUSE I LOVE THE SHOW
AND I LOVE THESE ACTORS AND I LOVE THE WRITING.
MY UNDERSTANDING OF THE WAY A LOT OF THESE GUYS WORK, AND THE
REASON THEY'RE SO SUCCESSFUL IS THAT THEY-- IT'S LIKE A GAME OF
CHESS, THEY'RE WAY PREPARED, MUCH MORE THAN I WOULD BE--
MAYBE NOT YOU, BUT MOST PEOPLE ARE NOT AS FAR AHEAD OF THE
CURVE. AND THOSE LAYERS REPRESENT A
PREPAREDNESS FOR THE ELEMENTS, AND A PREVIOUS PLAN TO UNSETTLE
THEM FOR THIS PROPOSED BUSINESS MEETING TO END UP TAKING THEM ON
A WALK TO END UP PRESSURIZING THEM TO SEE WHERE THEY BREAK
DOWN. AND THAT RELATIONSHIP.
AND NOT ALL OF THAT IS REVEALED IN THE STORYTELLING, BUT IT'S
IMPORTANT TO ME AS I DO THAT AND AS I PORTRAY THIS MAN.
SO I WANTED THOSE LAYERS IN CASE IT'S TOO HOT, YOU TAKE THEM OFF.
IN CASE IT STARTS TO RAIN, YOU HAVE A WINDBREAKER THING YOU CAN
ZIP OFF, TAKE THE HAT OFF IF IT'S TOO MUCH.
AND WE WERE SHOOTING IN THE ELEMENTS AT SEASIDE, THE
CHARACTER OWNED AN ISLAND. AND I FIGURED, HE'S PREPARED.
HE HAS HIKING BOOTS. THEY'RE IN THEIR DRESS SHOES.
HE WEARS THEM DOWN. HE'S IN A POSITION OF POWER.
CHECKMATE. ( APPLAUSE ).
THE MAN. >> THE CLOTHES MAKE THE MAN.
AND THEY MAKE THE MEME, BECAUSE A LOT OF PEOPLE HAD A LOT OF
COMMENTS ABOUT THE CLOTHING. SOMEONE SENT ME SOMETHING.
IT WAS VERY FUNNY. >> Stephen: ADRIEN, IT WAS
LOVELY TO SEE YOU AGAIN. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING
HERE, MAN. "CLEAN" PREMIERES THIS FRIDAY IN
THEATERS AND ON DEMAND. ADRIEN BRODY, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. ♪ ♪ ♪
PERFORMING COME ON IN," FROM HER ALBUM, "PIECE OF ME," LADY WRAY
( APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪
♪ WHAT YOU WANT
YOU CAN HAVE ♪ PUT YOUR HEART
IN MY HAND ♪ I'VE BEEN WAITING
(I'VE BEEN WAITING) FOR THE RIGHT MAN
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ WE'VE COME TOO FAR BY FAITH
WE'VE COME TOO FAR BY FAITH ♪ COME ON IN
COME ON IN ♪ COME ON IN
COME ON IN ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ BABY, COME INTO MY LIFE WE DON'T HAVE A LOT OF TIME
♪ HOPING WE CAN GET IT RIGHT I CAN TURN YOUR DARK TO LIGHT
♪ COME ON IN ♪ ♪ ♪
MMM ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ YOU CAN DREAM DREAM IN COLOR
(COLOR) ♪ DON'T YOU LISTEN
TO THE NAYSAYERS ♪ SET THE BAR
(YOU SET THE BAR) ♪ HIGH AS A TOWER
WE'VE COME TOO FAR BY FAITH ♪ WE'VE COME TOO FAR BY FAITH
COME ON IN ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ STAY THERE,
I'LL FIND YOU WHERE YOU ARE ♪ I KNOW THAT IT'S WRITTEN
IN THE STARS ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ COME ON IN COME ON IN
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ BABY, COME INTO MY LIFE
WE DON'T HAVE A LOT OF TIME ♪ HOPING WE CAN GET IT RIGHT
(GET IT RIGHT) I CAN TURN YOUR DARK TO LIGHT
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ COME ON IN
COME ON IN ♪ COME ON IN
♪ ♪ ♪ COME ON IN
♪ COME ON IN ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ WAITING FOR YOU SO WON'T YOU COME ON IN?
♪ COME ON, A-COME ON
♪ A-COME ON A-COME ON
♪ A-COME ON COME ON IN
(COME ON IN) (COME ON IN)
♪ I WANT YOU TO COME ON IN I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU, BABY
♪ COME ON IN NOW COME ON,
♪ A-COME ON A-COME ON,
♪ COME ON IN ♪
BEAUTIFUL. THANK YOU.
LADY WRAY, EVERYBODY! THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW."
TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS WILL BE KATE AND OLIVER HUDSON.
JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT. GOOD NIGHT, Y'ALL.