MEDIA STORY IS JOE BIDEN BEING CAUGHT ON A HOT MIC SAYING
THIS TO A REPORTER WHO IS FROM FOX AND ASKING ABOUT INFLATION.
>> A QUESTION ON INFLATION?
( LAUGHTER ) AND NOW "FOX & FRIENDS'"
RESPONSE AND NOW "FOX & FRIENDS" RESPONSE TO THE FORMER PRESIDENT
CALLING JAKE ACOSTA...
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ARE WATCHING THE SHOW--
>> YEAH. >> YOU-- YOU-- WHAT DO YOU CALL
THIS THING, A BLOWER? >> YEAH, THIS IS A LEAF BLOWER.
>> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE
SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT." TONIGHT:
OH, JOE HE DID IT. PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES:
JOY REID AND THOMAS MIDDLEDITCH
FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY
HUMAN.
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK
CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Audience: STEPHEN!
STEPHEN! STEPHEN!
>> Stephen: PLEASE HAVE A SEAT, EVERYBODY.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW."
I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
FOLKS YOU KNOW, WE WORK HARD. THIS IS OUR JOB.
THIS IS WHAT I BELIEVE OUR JOB IS-- WE COME OUT HERE NIGHT
AFTER NIGHT AND DO OUR BEST TO CUT THROUGH ALL THE NOISE, ALL
THE LIES AND CALL A THING WHAT IT IS-- NO FOCUS GROUP, NO
MESSAGING. WE THINK IT COMES OUT THE TALK
HOLE. AND THAT'S ONE OF THE THINGS I
ADMIRE MOST ABOUT JOE BIDEN. HE'S A STRAIGHT SHOOTER.
AFTER A YEAR OF HOLDING HIS TONGUE IN THE FACE OF CONSTANT
CRITICISM, LAST NIGHT, HE EXPRESSED HIS TRUE FEELINGS
ABOUT FOX NEWS WHITE HOUSE CORRESPONDENT AND WINNER OF THE
"BLANDEST BLONDE" MAN AND "BLONDEST BLAND MAN" AWARDS
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) BIDEN WAS MEETING WITH MEMBERS
OF HIS ADMINISTRATION TO DISCUSS THE ONGOING PROBLEM OF
INFLATION, WHEN DOOCY TRIED T Zs IN WHAT I SUPPOSE COULD BE
DESCRIBED AS A QUESTION.
( LAUGHTER ) <!0>
>> Stephen: UNBELIEVABLE. (AS BIDEN):
"THAT'S RIGHT. OLD JOE IS BACK.
I'VE REACHED PEAK, OLD MAN, GIVIN' ZERO MALARKEYS.
PETER DOOCY IS A STUPID SON OF A BITCH.
COUSIN ALICE'S CASSEROLE TUNA NOODLE CASSEROLE-- WET.
YOUR BABY'S GOT A POINTY HEAD. WEIRD LITTLE GREMLIN."
( LAUGHTER ) ME.
THE MEDIA HAS DESCRIBED THIS MOMENT AS A HOT MIC.
NOT SURE WHY IT'S A "HOT MIC" WHEN HE'S AT A PRESS CONFERENCE
IN FRONT OF A BUNCH OF REPORTERS TALKING INTO THE SAME MICROPHONE
HE'S BEEN USING THE ENTIRE TIME. THAT'S LIKE A CELEBRITY WALKING
THE RED CARPET, POPPIN' OPEN THEIR SHIRT AND GOING, "OOPS,
NIP SLIP." LATER THAT NIGHT, BIDEN DID
SOMETHING I FORGOT PRESIDENTS COULD DO-- HE APOLOGIZED.
BECAUSE HE'S A GENTLEMEN. AS YOUNG MASTER DOOCY EXPLAINED:
( APPLAUSE ) EXCHANGE, HE CALLED MY CELL
PHONE, AND HE SAID, "IT'S NOTHING PERSONAL, PAL."
>> Stephen (AS DOOCY): "AND THEN HE TOLD ME, 'I GOTTA
GO.' AND I SAID, 'OKAY.'
AND THEN HE SAID, 'JEEZ WHAT A JACKASS.'
AND I SAID, 'I CAN STILL HEAR YOU.'
AND HE GOES, 'IT'S NOTHING PERSONAL, PAL.'"
NOW, IT IS NEVER-- FOR THE RECORD, LET ME PUT IT OUT
THERE-- IT'S NEVER APPROPRIATE FOR THE
PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES TO HAVE A POTTY MOUTH.
BUT IT'S ESPECIALLY EGREGIOUS TO CALL PETER DOOCY A SON OF A
BITCH. WE DID SOME FACT-CHECKING, AND
HE'S ACTUALLY THE SON OF "FOX & FRIENDS" HOST, STEVE DOOCY.
SO, IF ANYTHING, HE'S A SON OF A DEUCE.
( LAUGHTER ) A REAL DEUCE BAG, IF YOU WILL.
IT'S TRUE. WE FACT CHECKED THAT, CHRIS!
ON THE OTHER HAND, HE HAS TESTED POSITIVE FOR STUPID IN THE PAST.
>> HAS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH THE PRESIDENT FRAYED TO THE
POINT THAT YOU ARE NOT GOING TO SUPPORT ANYTHING THAT HE COMES
TO YOU AND ASKS? >> WHY WOULD YOU SAY SOMETHING
THAT STUPID? WHY WOULD YOU ASK SOMETHING THAT
DUMB? ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: McCAIN AND BIDEN AREN'T THE ONLY IMPORTANT PEOPLE
TO LOSE IT OVER A STUPID PETER DOOCY QUESTION.
IT'S BEEN HAPPENING FOR DECADES. >> ARE YOU A CROOK?
AND DO YOU THINK THAT WILL HURT YOU IN THE MIDTERMS?
>> WELL, I AM NOT A CROOK, BUT YOU SURE ARE A DICK.
>> Stephen: THIS AFTERNOON, AFTER A VISIT TO A SMALL
BUSINESS IN D.C., PRESIDENT BIDEN STOPPED IN TO A LOCAL ICE
CREAM PARLOR TO GET HIMSELF A LITTLE TREAT.
WHAT KIND OF ICE CREAM, YOU'RE WONDERING?
INTREPID REPORTERS REPORTED INTREPIDLY THAT IT WAS
TWO SCOOPS-- LIGHT COLORED FLAVOR ON BOTTOM, DARKER ICE
CREAM ON THE TOP. OR AS MITCH McCONNELL WOULD
DESCRIBE IT, DARK ICE CREAM AND ICE CREAM.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: I GET IT, I UNDERSTAND THE PREMISE.
>> Stephen: THERE YOU GO. SO OLD MAN ENJOYS FROSTY TREAT,
END OF STORY, RIGHT? WRONG.
IMMEDIATELY, THE RIGHT WING GOT THEIR FUDGES IN A RIPPLE ABOUT
THIS, LIKE FAR-RIGHT AGITATOR BRIGITTE GABRIEL, WHO TWEETED,
"THE ENTIRE WORLD IS CRUMBLING, THE ECONOMY IS CRASHING, AND
WHAT IS JOE BIDEN DOING? GETTING ICE CREAM."
YES, EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT YOU CAN'T HAVE ICE CREAM WHEN YOU'RE
THE LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD. IF THAT MAN GETS A BRAIN FREEZE,
TECHNICALLY, KAMALA HARRIS IS PRESIDENT UNTIL IT PASSES.
( LAUGHTER ) BIDEN-- BIDEN-- KAMALA HARRIS
FANS. KAMALA HARRIS FANS.
THAT'S WHAT THAT IS. BIDEN HAS BIGGER PROBLEMS THAN A
HOT MIC AND A COLD TREAT. I'M TALKING, OF COURSE, ABOUT
THE SITUATION IN UKRAINE, OR AS VLADIMIR PUTIN CALLS IT,
"MY-KRAINE." ( LAUGHTER )
OVER THERE, BUT ONE GUY WHO DOESN'T SEEM TOO CONCERNED IS
UKRAINIAN PRESIDENT AND MAN WHO ASKED HIS BARBER FOR THE
BUSINESS DRACULA, VOLODYMYR ZELENSKY.
LAST WEEK, ZELENSKY HAD THIS FOR THE UKRAINIAN PEOPLE:
>> WHAT SHOULD YOU DO? ONLY ONE THING.
DON'T PANIC. KEEP A COOL HEAD.
BE CONFIDENT. BE CONFIDENT IN OUR ARMY AND OUR
UKRAINE. >> Stephen: OKAY, THAT'S A GREAT
MESSAGE, BUT WHY IS HE SAYING IT SO FAR TO ONE SIDE?
"DON'T PANIC. YOU MUST TRUST ARMY.
THERE IS NO REASON TO HAVE YOUR BAGS PACKED AND YOUR CAR
RUNNING. DING-DONG.
OH, THAT'S THE DOORBELL. I WILL BE BACK."
( LAUGHTER ) ♪ ♪ ♪
FOR THEIR PART, RUSSIA IS POINTING THE FINGER AT US FOR
THEIR LOOMING INVASION. AFTER MOVING IN MORE THAN
100,000 TROOPS, RUSSIAN OFFICIALS BLAME WESTERN
AGGRESSION FOR THE CRISIS. THAT SOUNDS A LITTLE BACKWARDS.
BUT AS DOSTOEVSKY WROTE, "HE WHO SMELT IT, DEALT IT.
HE WHO EXPLAINED IT, UKRAINED IT."
( LAUGHTER ) SOME PEOPLE-- DOSTOEVSKY FANS.
UNBELIEVABLE. SOME PEOPLE AGREE WITH RUSSIA,
LIKE DISGRACED FORMER NATIONAL SECURITY ADVISER AND MAN ABOUT
TO SHOW YOU HIS BOX OF BABY TEETH, MICHAEL FLYNN.
IN A NEW OP-ED FOR A RIGHT -WING WEBSITE, FLYNN CLAIMS THE BIDEN
ADMINISTRATION HAS SOLD AN ILLUSION THAT THE POTENTIAL
RUSSIAN INVASION OF UKRAINE IS NOT JUSTIFIED, REASONING THAT AN
INCREASED NATO PRESENCE IN EASTERN EUROPE WILL CAUSE AN
EXISTENTIAL THREAT TO RUSSIA. THAT'S VLADIMIR PUTIN'S EXACT
ARGUMENT. FLYNN WENT ON TO WRITE, "THOSE
WHO SAY A MAN CAN'T RIDE A POLAR BEAR SHIRTLESS DESERVE POISON
UNDERPANTS. NIPPLES WERE MEANT TO BREATHE.
IS THAT GOOD ENOUGH, VLAD? PLEASE DON'T RELEASE THE
PICTURES." FLYNN'S--
( APPLAUSE ) MEANS.
WHAT PICTURES? WHAT PICTURES, JON?
>> Jon: HAVEN'T SEEN THE PICTURES.
>> Stephen: SHERBET. FLYNN'S NOT THE ONLY RIGHT -WING
APOLOGIST FOR THE MURDEROUS DICTATOR.
THERE'S ALSO FOX NEWS HOST TUCKER CARLSON, SEEN HERE
( BOOING ) SEEN HERE AS THE GREEN M&M MELTS
IN HIS MOUTH, AND IN HIS HAND. ON LAST NIGHT'S SHOW, OLD
TUCKERNUTS DEFENDED PEOPLE LIKE FLYNN WHO WERE ROOTING FOR
RUSSIA TO INVADE UKRAINE FOR THE THIRD TIME.
>> WAIT A SECOND. WHY IS IT DISLOYAL TO SIDE WITH
RUSSIA BUT LOYAL TO SIDE WITH UKRAINE?
THEY'RE BOTH FOREIGN COUNTRIES THAT DON'T CARE ANYTHING ABOUT
THE UNITED STATES. KIND OF STRANGE.
>> Stephen: NO, YOU'RE KIND OF STRANGE.
( LAUGHTER ) CAN YOU-- WHAT DO YOU EVEN SAY
TO SOMEONE WHO MAKES AN ARGUMENT THAT DUMB?
>> SHUT UP, PUTIN STOOGE. ( APPLAUSE )
THERE YOU GO. MAYBE HE'S BEING INFLUENCED BY
HIS NEW SPONSOR: COMRADE PILLOW: SLEEP SO GOOD,
IT MAKE GIRLS GO WOW, WOW, WOW. WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT. MY GUESTS ARE JOY REID AND
THOMAS MIDDLEDITCH. BUT WHEN WE COME BACK,
"MEANWHILE." ♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN.
>> Jon: YEAH! ( APPLAUSE )
LA-LA-LA. >> Stephen: HEY, JON, HOW ARE
YOU? NJTSZ I'M GREAT.
I'M GREAT. I'M FEELING GOOD.
HOW ARE YOU YOU. >> Stephen: HAVE A LITTLE
DOLLOP OF STRENGTH TIME. >> Jon: YES, IT'S KIND OF LIKE
ICE CREAM. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
>> Stephen: SURE, A LITTLE EARLY BLOOMING CROCUS OVER
THERE. AND THE SOCKS.
YOU'RE NOT HIDING THEM UNDER A BUSHEL.
>> SKY BLUE, BABY. THE COLORS I LIKE AND THE WORLD
I LOVE TO BE IN. >> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT.
>> Jon: YES! >> Stephen: JOY REID IS GOING
TO BE ON HERE TONIGHT, JOY REID. THOMAS MIDDLEDITCH, FROM "B
POSITIVE." DOES JOY REID HAVE A POS CAST?
I THINK SHE HAS A PODCAST. YOU KNOW WHO HAS A PODCAST?
WE HAVE A PODCAST. SO IF YOU'RE AT HOME, IF YOU'RE
WATCHING THIS, AND YOU WENT, "BOY, I REALLY ENJOYED WATCHING
THIS. I WONDER WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE
IF I COULDN'T SEE STEPHEN." I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU WOULD DO
THAT. I DON'T KNOW YOU WOULD WANT TO,
YOU KNOW, MISS THE MONEY MAKER, BUT...
( APPLAUSE ) TREADMILL-- IF YOU'RE ON A
TREADMILL RIGHT NOW LISTENING TO THIS PODCAST, YOU CAN DO IT.
DIG DOWN UPON. KEEP GOING.
NO PAIN, NO AGAIN. YOU HAVE TO BE IN IT TO WIN IT,
PLAY TO WIN. GO, GO, GO, GO!
HIGH, TIGHT, BUTT. HIGH, TIGHT, BUTT."
PUT THAT ON A LOBBY. PUT THAT ON A LOOP.
OF FOLKS, YOU KNOW, IF YOU WATCH THE SHOW, I SEND A
LOT OF TIME, RIGHT OVER THERE, CAREFULLY WELDING TOGETHER THE
DAY'S TOP STORIES, FORGED FROM THE FINEST NEWS METALS, WIRING
IN THE MOST EFFICIENT, HIGH- SPEED ENGINE.
THEN I COMBINE THE MOST TOPICAL TITANIUM ACCENTS WITH ITALIAN
CURRENT-EVENTS CRAFTSMANSHIP TO CREATE THE BESPOKE TRIUMPH
MOTORCYCLE THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE. BUT SOMETIMES, JUST SOMETIMES,
AFTER STANDING TOO LONG OVER AN EPHEDRINE BARREL FIRE, I STUMBLE
INTO A DEFUNCT BODY SHOP, SLAP A HALF-EMPTY CANISTER OF PROPANE
ONTO A STOLEN HUFFY, WRAP IT IN NEWSPAPER AND BITS OF CAUTION
TAPE THAT I SWIPED FROM A STILL-ACTIVE CRIME SCENE, AND
HOOK IT UP TO AN OLD MILK JUG FULL OF NITROUS I STOLE FROM A
BLACK MARKET ORTHODONTIST, IN ORDER TO MAKE THE FLAMING DEATH
ROCKET OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT:
"MEANWHILE!" ( APPLAUSE )
YOU DON'T KNOW. YOU NEVER EVEN RACED FOR PAPERS.
MEANWHILE, IN ONLINE SHOPPING NEWS, A NEW JERSEY TODDLER
ORDERED NEARLY $2,000 WORTH OF FURNITURE ON WALMART'S WEBSITE.
KIDS TODAY. ( LAUGHTER )
HITCHHIKE TO RAYMOUR AND FLANNIGAN, STAND ON EACH OTHERS'
SHOULDERS INSIDE A TRENCH COAT, AND SIGN UP FOR THE LAYAWAY PLAN
FOR THAT OTTOMAN YOU HAD YOUR EYE ON.
ACCORDING TO HIS MOTHER, SHE HAD CREATED A CART ON HER PHONE
BUT NEVER CHECKED IT OUT, AND HER SON WAS THE ONE WHO BOUGHT
THE HOUSEHOLD ITEMS THAT HIS MOTHER HAD BEEN LOOKING AT.
OH, REALLY? IS THAT THE MOM'S STORY?
(AS MOM) "OH, LOOK, SWEETIE.
LITTLE BILLY ORDERED ME FOUR NIGHTS AT AN ALL-INCLUSIVE SPA.
I HOPE HE DOESN'T ACCIDENTALLY EMAIL YOUR PARENTS THAT THEY
SHOULDN'T COME FOR CHRISTMAS. BAD BOY."
( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, MILLER LITE IS
OPENING A BAR IN THE METAVERSE FOR THE SUPER BOWL.
WHICH EXPLAINS THEIR NEW SLOGAN, "MILLER LITE: NOW THERE'S A
REASON IT TASTES LIKE NOTHING." ( LAUGHTER )
NOT A SPONSOR? NOT A SPONSOR?
I DON'T KNOW. AND, IT'S NOT ONLY CONFUSING.
IT'S ALSO EXCLUSIVE, BECAUSE THE METAVERSE BAR WILL BE THE SOLE
PLACE WHERE FANS CAN WATCH MILLER LITE'S BIG GAME AD.
PERFECT FOR ANYONE WHO THOUGHT, "MAN, I LOVE COMMERCIALS, BUT I
WISH I HAD TO WORK HARDER TO ACCESS THEM WHILE MY AVATAR
DRINKS THIS IMAGINARY CAN OF CARBONATED DISAPPOINTMENT."
( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, WE HERE AT "MEANWHILE
GLOBAL WASTE SHIPPING AND CRYPTO-MEDICAL SUPPLY" SOMETIMES
COME ACROSS SO MANY STORIES ABOUT FEMALE MONARCHS THAT THEY
CANNOT BE PROPERLY ADDRESSED IN OUR NORMAL, LOWLY "MEANWHILE"
AND MUST BE ESCALATED TO OUR MORE REGAL "MEANWHILE"
SUB-SEGMENT, "QUEENWHILE." ( ♪ ROYAL TRUMPET FANFARE ♪ )
QUEENWHILE, QUEEN ELIZABETH IS RELEASING HER OWN ROYAL
CONDIMENTS. MAKES SENSE-- THE ROYAL FAMILY
ENJOYS COVERING THINGS UP. ( LAUGHTER )
THE QUEEN'S-- >> Jon: OH!
>> Stephen: THE QUEEN'S NEW CONDIMENTS INCLUDE TOMATO SAUCE,
THE VAGUE TERM BRITS USE FOR KETCHUP.
APPROPRIATE, SINCE EVERYTHING THEY EAT IN ENGLAND IS VAGUELY
FOOD. ALSO, IF THEY CALL CATCH UP
TOMATO SAUCE, WHAT DO THEY CALL TOMATO SAUCE?
( AS QUEEN ) JUICE.
I'D LIKE SOME MORE ON MY WET DOUGH STRINGS."
( LAUGHTER ) THAT'S MY-- ME, NO.
LET'S JUST SHARE THE SILENCE. LET'S-- LET'S JUST SHARE THE
SILENCE FOR A MOMENT. THERE YOU GO.
( LAUGHTER ) KINGDOM, JAPAN'S MONKEY QUEEN
FACES A CHALLENGE TO HER REIGN. HERE'S WHAT'S HAPPENING: THIS
NINE-YEAR-OLD MACAQUE, NAMED YAKEI, RESIDES AT THE
TAKASAKIYAMA NATURAL ZOOLOGICAL GARDEN WHERE SHE VIOLENTLY
OVERTHREW THE ALPHA MALE OF HER TROOP TO BECOME THE FIRST FEMALE
LEADER IN THE RESERVE'S 70 -YEAR HISTORY.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) BY HURLING HER POOP AT IT.
BUT THINGS COULD BE ABOUT TO CHANGE FOR YAKEI, BECAUSE
DURING PREVIOUS BREEDING SEASONS, YAKEI PAIRED WITH GORO.
ANOTHER MALE NAMED LUFFY HAS TRIED TO WOO YAKEI.
SO YAKEI COULD FEASIBLY FORM PAIR BONDS WITH BOTH GORO AND
LUFFY OVER THE COURSE OF THIS BREEDING SEASON.
AND NOW EXPERTS WONDER IF SHE MAY BE VULNERABLE TO A USURPER.
HEY, IT'S 2022. HOW IS THIS A PROBLEM?
SHE'S HOT, AND SHE CAN FORM AS MANY PAIR BONDS AS SHE WANTS.
IF ANYTHING, THIS MAKES HER MORE POWERFUL.
IT'S LIKE THESE RESEARCHERS HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN, "THE
MACAQUELORETTE." ( APPLAUSE )
"BABE, BABE, WHAT'S UP? I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU PICKED BUGS
OFF GORO IN THE BANANA SUITE. HE'S NOT HERE FOR THE RIGHT
REASONS." MEANWHILE, LAY'S CHIPS ARE MADE
FROM POTATOES GROWN IN SOIL FROM N.F.L. STADIUMS.
SO GET EXCITED FOR THEIR NEW FLAVOR, SOUR CREAM AND
LINEBACKER TEETH. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
JOY REID. ♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE ) EVERYBODY.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY FIRST GUEST IS A POLITICAL ANALYST FOR
MSNBC AND HOST OF "THE REIDOUT." PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE
SHOW," JOY REID. ♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE ) >> A LOT OF PEOPLE.
>> Stephen: THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE HERE, YES.
THANKS SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE. >> ALWAYS GREAT TO BE HERE.
>> Stephen: THERE IS SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT.
>> YES. >> Stephen: AND COME ON, REAL
NEWS PERSON. WE MAKE OUR JOKES, HA-HA, BUT
SOME SERIOUS STUFF IS GOING ON. YESTERDAY, SECRETARY OF DEFENSE
LLOYD AUSTIN PUT TROOPS ON HEIGHTENED ALERT.
FROM WHAT YOU HAVE LEARNED, WHAT DOES "HEIGHTENED ALERT" MEAN?
HAVE THEY MOVED FROM DECAF TO REGULAR?
WHAT DOES THAT ACTUALLY MEAN? >> I'M SURE THEY ARE DEFINITELY
MOVING TO REGULAR BECAUSE IT'S STRESSFUL.
WE WERE LOOKING THIS UP ON THE SHOW.
THE LAST TIME WE HAVE BEEN ON THIS MUCH OF AN ALERT FOR U.S.
TROOPS TO TAKE ACTION IN THE EUROPEAN CONTINENT WAS KOSOVO.
IT WAS A LONG TIME AGO. IT IS A SERIOUS SITUATION.
>> Stephen: THE USS "HARRY TRUMAN" IS FLYING WITH A NATO
FLEET, AND THAT HASN'T HAPPENED SINCE THE COLD WAR.
>> IT IS FRIGHTENING. WHAT'S INTERESTING-- ONE OF OUR
GREAT INTERNATIONAL REPORTERS, MATT BRADLEY, IS IN KYIV, AND IN
THAT CITY THEY ARE NOT PANICKING.
THE PANIC IS ALL EXTERNAL. AT LEAST THE VIBE INSIDE UKRAINE
RIGHT NOW IS, LOOK, WE'RE CONSTANTLY UNDER THIS THREAT.
RUSSIA IS CONSTANTLY THREATENING US.
WE ARE GOING TO LIVE OUR LIVES. >> Stephen: THAT'S WHAT I GET
FROM IT. NOT THAT THERE'S NOTHING WRONG
BUT, "AT THIS POINT, WHAT ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT."
>> THEY'RE TREATING IT A LIKE AMERICANS ARE TREATING COVID.
>> THIS IS NOT-- IF VLADIMIR PUTIN GOES IN-- IS IT TRUE THAT
IT HAS TO HAPPEN FAIRLY SOON IF HE DOES BECAUSE SOMETHING ABOUT
THE TERRAIN IN EASTERN UKRAINE? >> THERE ARE ISSUES WITH THE
TERRAIN, AND HONESTLY, THIS IS A COUNTRY NOT EXACTLY DOING WELL
ECONOMICALLY. RUSSIA DOESN'T HAVE A LOT GOING
FOR IT. THE SANCTIONS COULD HURT THEM.
VLADIMIR PUTIN HIMSELF IS QUITE RICH, ALLEGEDLY, AND MADE
BILLIONS OF DOLLARS, BUT HIS COUNTRY IS RELATIVELY POOR.
IT'S A DECLINING OIL OLIGARCHY. IT'S NOT AS IF THIS IS A SMART
MOVE FOR HIM. IT'S NOT A WISE MOVE.
IF HE DID IT, HE'D HAVE TO DO IT QUICKLY, AND THE RAMIFICATIONS
WOLD BE BRUTE OF BRUTAL FOR HIM.
IT JUST GOES TO SHOW YOU HE'S NOT ALL-- HE'S NOT ALL RIGHT.
>> Stephen: WHAT DOES THE SMART MONEY SAY ABOUT THE
POSSIBLE DUMB DECISION OF DOING THIS?
WHAT IS THE MOTIVATION? IS THERE A SENSE OF WHAT THAT
IS? >> IT'S KIND OF DIFFICULT TO
SAY. IF YOU KIND OF LOOK AT PUTIN AS
A PERSONALITY, HE'S SOMEONE WHO, AT LEAST THE ANALYSTS THAT WE
PUT ON, THAT WE TALK TO, THEY TALK ABOUT THIS COMPLEX THAT HE
HAS. HE CAN'T GET OVER THE FALL OF
THE U.S.S.R. HE LONGZ FOR THE-- HE'S AN OLD
K.G.B. GUY, AND HIS EGO, HIS SENSE OF SELF CAN'T GET PAST THE
FACT THAT IN HIS MIND HE SHOULD BE A GREAT POWER, EQUAL TO THE
UNITED STATES. AND HE WANTS RESPECT.
IT'S VERY SIMILAR TO JI-YOON KIM.
HE NEEDS TO FEEL IMPORTANT. HE MAKES THESE MOVES BECAUSE HE
IS AFRAID THESE COUNTRIES LIKE UKRAINE THAT USED TO BE ALIGNED
WITH THE OLD SOVIET EMPIRE WANT TO BE WITH THE WEST.
THEY DON'T WANT TO BE ON HIS TEAM, AND THEY CAN'T TAKE IT.
>> Stephen: I'M OLD ENOUGH TO REMEMBER THE TRUISM THAT EVERY
SOVIET LEADER WOULD TRY TO TEST A NEW PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED
STATES, TO BASICALLY DOON ACID TEST TO SEE WHAT THE REACTION
WOULD BE FROM SOVIET AGGRESSION? COULD THAT BE PART OF IT?
WHAT ARE WE DEALING WITH IT GOING OUT INTO THE FUTURE?
I NEED TO KNOW NOW. >> I THINK IT'S ESPECIALLY TRUE
SINCE THE PREVIOUS PRESIDENT WHO WAS SUCH A TOADY TO PUTIN AND
SUCKED UP TO HIM ( APPLAUSE ).
MY NEXT QUESTION: WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF THE REPUBLICANS OUT
THERE WHO-- THERE MAY BE OTHERS, BUT IT SEEMS TO COME FROM THE
RIGHT-- SAYING WE SHOULD BE SUPPORTING RUSSIA, THAT THEY'VE
GOT A REASON TO DO THIS. WHY ARE WE TREATING THAT AS A
BAD THING IF RUSSIA GOES IN? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHERE THAT
COMES FROM? IT SEEMS LIKE A PRETTY BIG
FLIP-- >> IT IS.
>> Stephen: FOR PEOPLE WORRIED ABOUT COMMUNISM TAKING OVER THE
UNITED STATES. >> IT'S INTERESTING, THERE ARE A
LOT OF WAYS IN WHICH I THINK DONALD TRUMP EXPOSED THINGS
ABOUT THE UNITED STATES THAT MAYBE WE DIDN'T WANT TO KNOW
ABOUT OURSELVES. BUT THIS IS THE ONE FUNDAMENTAL
WAY THAT HE CHANGED IT. I MEAN, THE IDEA THAT YOU HAVE
PEOPLE LIKE TUCKER. LITERAL HE HE APPEARS ON RUSSIAN
STATE TV MORE THAN MOST RUSSIAN ANCHORS DO.
THEY'RE PLAYING HIS CLIPS BACK BECAUSE HE'S ON THEIR SIDE.
THE FACT THAT DONALD TRUMP HAS LED A POLITICAL PARTY THAT HAD
RONALD REAGAN AS THEIR PREVIOUS SORT OF PATRON SAINT INTO THE
ARMS OF RUSSIAN PROPAGANDA, INTO THE ARMS OF RUSSIA'S VIEW OF THE
WORLD, THAT HE FLIPPED THAT PARTY.
THERE ARE RUSSIAN MEMBERS OF CONGRESS WHO ARE GETTING FRANTIC
ANGRY PHONE CALLS IN THEIR OFFICES, DEMANDING THAT THEY
SIDE WITH RUSSIA. SAYING RUSSIA HAS GOT REASONABLE
DEMANDS AND WE SHOULD GIVE INTO THEM.
THAT IS ONE WAY IN WHICH DONALD TRUMP HAS AFFECTED THAT ENTIRE
PARTY. THEY LITERALLY WANT US TO SIDE
WITH RUSSIA AGAINST WESTERN INTERESTS.
AND ALSO I THINK THE GOOD NEWS OF IT IS WHAT THIS SHOWS IS IN
ONE WAY WHEN PRESIDENT BIDEN SAYS "AMERICA'S BACK," HE'S
RIGHT IN THE SENSE IT'S CLEAR TO RUSSIA THAT NATO IS BACK, THAT
WE'RE BACK IN LINE WITH OUR TRADITIONAL ALLIES.
>> Stephen: THAT IS SOMETHING THAT YOU SORT OF FORGET
BECAUSE-- ( APPLAUSE ).
KEEP FOREIGN POLICY ON THEIR MINDS THAT MUCH, IS THAT THERE
WAS A REAL DEGRADATION OF OUR NATO ALLIANCE UNDER THE PREVIOUS
PRESIDENT AND JOE BIDEN HAS SPENT A YEAR GETTING THAT BACK.
>> THAT'S RIGHT. >> Stephen: A POTENTIAL WAR
WITH RUSSIA IS TOUGH ENOUGH FOR YOUR TYPICAL MONDAY, BUT
YESTERDAY, PRESIDENT BIDEN APOLOGIZED TO PETER DOOCY, FOR
CALLING HIM, ON A HOT MITE, A SUPER-DELEGATE SON OF A BINCH.
WHEN IS IT PROACH FOR A PRESIDENT TO CALL A REPORTER A
SON OF A BITCH. >> LYNDON JOHNSON USED TO SAY,
COME IN HERE. I'M ON THE TOILET.
I NEED YOU, TO COME IN HERE. THIS GUY WAS VULGAR.
I'M SURE HE CALLED PEOPLE MUCH WORSE THAN A SON OF A BITCH.
THE SNOWFLAKERY ABOUT PEOPLE WHO LOVE TO SAY, "LET'S GO BRANDON."
BUT IT'S LIKE OH, MY GOD, YOU CAN'T CALL PETER DOOCY-- REALLY?
GROW UP Y'ALL. THAT'S NOT THE WORST THING A
PRESIDENT-- JOHN McCAIN HAS SAID WORSE.
GET OVER IT. THESE ARE ALL ADULTS.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK.
BUT STICK AROUND, I WILL ASK JOY ABOUT THE PRESS' COVERAGE OF
BIDEN. STICK AROUND.
( APPLAUSE ). WE'RE BACK WITH MSNBC'S JOY REID.
AT HIS MARATHON PRESS CONFERENCE RAFT WEEK, PRESIDENT BIDEN SAID
"MEMBERS OF THE MEDIA TALK ABOUT HOW NOTHING HAS HAPPENED IN HIS
FIRST YEAR, AND THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS, WE GOT AN AWFUL LOT
DONE." IS THAT A FAIR COMPLAINT BY JOE
BIDEN, BECAUSE THERE IS A WHOLE LOT OF TALK IN THE MEDIA-- NO
OFFENSE, ALSO MSNBC-- >> YEAH.
>> Stephen: ...ABOUT THE AGENDA STALLING AND I'M SURE
HE'D LIKE TO GET EVERYTHING DONE OR HIS BASE WOULD LIKE TO GET
EVERYTHING DONE. WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF HIS FIRST
YEAR AND IS HE RIGHT TO COMPLAIN ABOUT THE DESCRIPTION?
>> I THINK ALL PRESIDENTS COMPLAIN ABOUT THE PRESS.
NOBODY LIKES THE PRESS WHEN YOU WORK IN POLITICS BECAUSE YOU
WILL NEVER GET THE PRESS YOU WANT.
IN ONE SENSE, I THINK BIDEN HAS A POINT.
THE MEDIA DOES HAVE TWO BIASES-- CHANGE AND CONFLICT.
IF WE SEE CHANGE, WE RUN TOWARD THAT, AND THAT'S INTERESTING.
>> Stephen: CHANGE IS A NEW THING TO TALK ABOUT.
>> CHANGE IS NEW. PRESIDENT OBAMA THAT WAS AN
EXCITING SORT OF CHANGE IN AMERICA'S CULTURE AND POLITICS.
YOU KNOW, THE MEDIA WILL GRAVITATE TOWARDS CHANGE AND
CONFLICT. BUT THE MEDIA DOESN'T WANT TO BE
IN CONFLICT, NECESSARILY, WITH THE PRESIDENT BUT THE IDEA OF A
SPORTS-LIKE CONFLICT IS WHERE THE MEDIA TENDS TO GO.
THAT IS NOT HEALTHY WHEN WE'RE DEALING WITH THE DECLINE OF
DEMOCRACY, WHICH IS NOT A SPORTING EVENT AND WE SHOULD
PROBABLY TAKE THAT SERIOUSLY, AND ARE THERE ARE TWO SIDES, AND
THERE ARE RIGHT SIDES BEING FOR OR AGAINST DEMOCRACY AND I THINK
THE MEDIA HAS FAILED THERE. BUT I THINK COMPLICATED THINGS
LIKE INFLATION AND ECONOMICS, IT'S EASIER TO COVER IT LIKE A
SPORTING EVENT-- REPUBLICANS SAY THIS, DEMOCRATS SAY THIS-- AND
SORT OF LAY THINGS AT THE FEET OF THE PRESIDENT WHERE HE MIGHT
NOT BE ABLE TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.
I DOUBT ANY PRESIDENT CAN REVERSE INFLATION.
IT'S JUST NOT A THING THEY DO. I THINK, YES, IN A SENSE THERE
HAS BEEN-- POLICY IS BORING, SO THE MEDIA WON'T COVER THE SORT
OF POLICIES THAT ARE WORKING THEIR WAY NORMALLY THROUGH
CONGRESS AND HE SIGNS THEM. CONFLICT --
>> Stephen: WHAT ABOUT THE CRITICISM FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO
GET JOE MANCHIN AND KIRSTIN SINEMA TO SUPPORT THE CHANGE TO
THE FILIBUSTER. THERE IS A LOT DIRECTED AT THE
ADMINISTRATION, AND, OBVIOUSLY, SOME TO THOSE TWO PEOPLE, TOO.
BUT IS THERE ANYTHING HE COULD HAVE DONE?
>> I THINK-- AND BIDEN IS GOING TO GET THAT, I THINK, DOUBLY,
BECAUSE HE IS A MAN OF THE SENATE.
AND HE DID RUN PROCLAIMING THAT HE COULD CREATE THIS
BIPARTISANSHIP, AND THAT HE COULD MAKE CERTAIN THINGS
HAPPEN. HIS LONG TENURE IN THE SENATE
IS, WHOING AGAINST HIM IN THAT SENSE.
>> Stephen: EVERY PRESIDENT SAYS THAT.
"OH, I CAN WORK-- I'LL GET IT DONE."
>> HE MENTIONS THAT. IF I HAD TO GIVE ONE BIG
CRITICISM TO THE ADMINISTRATION, I THINK THEY MADE ONE BIG
MISTAKE. WHEN YOU'RE NEGOTIATING,
PARTICULARLY WITH DIFFICULT PARTIES, LIKE JOE MANCHIN AND
EVERYBODY-- HE KNOWS JOE MANCHIN IS DIFFICULT, HE'S ALWAYS BEEN
THAT WAY-- YOU DON'T NEGOTIATE BY SAYING LET ME GIVE YOU
EVERYTHING YOU WANT, AND NOW CAN I GET SOMETHING.
THE ONE THING HE WANTED WAS THE INFRASTRUCTURE BILL AND YOU GAVE
IT TO HIM. HE'S ALREADY FIGURING OUT WHAT
TO DO WITH THAT MONEY IN VIRGINIA, AND THERE IS NOTHING
LEFT TO GIVE HIM. HE DOES NOT WANT "BUILD BACK
BETTER," THAT IS CLEAR. HE DOESN'T CARE ANY THE CHILD
TAX CREDIT. HE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING
THAT WILL HELP THE POOR. HE'S ON HIS YACHT AND MASERATI.
AND THAT WAS AN ADMINISTRATION MISTAKE.
THE IDEA OF NEGOTIATING WITH HIM BY GIVING HIM EVERYTHING HE
WANTS AND THEN BEGGING HIM TO HELP YOU WITH THE THINGS HE
DOESN'T CARE ABOUT. I THINK THAT WAS A STRATEGIC
MISTAKE. >> Stephen: NOW, YOU HAVE
SAID-- ( APPLAUSE )
INTO THE THIRD YEAR OF YOUR SHOW, AND YOU'VE OFTEN SAID,
"SCARING IS CARING." WHAT IS THE LINE BETWEEN SCARING
AND... PROVIDING ANXIETY TO AN AUDIENCE UNNECESSARILY FOR THE
EYEBALLS? >> YEAH, AND WE-- I MEAN, THIS
IS PROBABLY THE THING WE TALK ABOUT MOST DURING OUR LENGTHY
MORNING CALL THAT CAN GO ON AND ON AND ON.
UPON WE REALLY DO CARE ABOUT WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT.
ONE OF THE REASONS I LOVE MY JOB IS I'M DOING AND TALK ABOUT
THINGS I DEEPLY CARE ABOUT. I REALLY AM CONCERNED ABOUT OUR
DEMOCRACY, AND I'M NOT JUST SAYING THAT TO DO SCARING IS
CARING. I'M WORRIED THAT WE'RE GOING TO
A PLACE THIS THIS COUNTRY THAT WE WON'T BE ABLE TO PULL BACK
FROM. IF WE GO TOO FAR AND LOSE--
DEMOCRACIES FALL FAST, AND THEY FALL WHEN YOU'RE NOT WATCHING
AND YOU'RE NOT PAYING ATTENTION. AND THE WAYS IN WHICH OUR
DEMOCRACY IS CRUMBLING, THEY SCARE ME, RIGHT.
BUT WE HAVE TO GIVE THAT MESSAGE OUT IN A WAY THAT DOESN'T MAKE
PEOPLE WANT TO WATCH THE SHOW FROM UNDER THEIR BED, BECAUSE
THAT'S NOT HEALTHY. SO WE TRY TO HAVE A LITTLE
LEVITY IN THE SHOW. WE TRY TO HAVE A LITTLE BIT OF A
LIGHT HEART IN THE SHOW, AND WE TRY TO DO SOME THINGS THAT ARE
FUN. BECAUSE I THINK EVEN WHEN THINGS
ARE BAD, YOU STILL NEED TO SMILE, RIGHT.
YOU STILL NEED-- WHICH IS WHY I LOVE YOUR SHOW, WHICH IS WHY I
LOVE TO WATCH YOU. ( APPLAUSE )
CRUMBLE. >> Stephen: YEAH, NO
CRUMBLING. >> NO CRUMBLING.
>> Stephen: NO CRUMBLING ALLOWED.
>> WE CAN'T AFFORD TO CRUMBLE. WE NEED TO BE ABLE TO FIGHT.
AND I THINK PART OF THEFIGHT IS KEEPING OUR SENSE OF HUMOR AND
NOT LETTING THE FORCES THAT WANT TO BREAK US AS A COUNTRY AND
BREAK OUR DEMOCRACY BREAK US PERSONALLY.
RIGHT, WE NEED TO FIGHT JOYFULLY.
>> Stephen: YOU CAN'T BE OVERWHELMED.
( APPLAUSE ) HERE.
"THE REIDOUT" AIRS WEEKNIGHTS ON MSNBC.
JOY REID, EVERYBODY. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THOMAS
MIDDLEDITCH.
( APPLAUSE ) WELCOME BACK!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY NEXT GUEST IS AN ACTOR YOU KNOW FROM
THE HIT HBO SERIES "SILICON VALLEY."
HE NOW STARS IN THE CBS SITCOM, "B POSITIVE."
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," THOMAS MIDDLEDITCH
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
I HAVE TO SAY. IT LOOKS NICE AND WARM AND DEEP
AND FORESTY. FORESTY.
>> IT'S A DEEP JACKET. >> Stephen: IT IS, IT IS, VERY
NICE. >> THANKS.
>> Stephen: HOW HAVE YOU BEEN? >> YOU KNOW, GREAT, STELLAR,
ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC. PAST FEW YEARS HAVE NO
COMPLAINTS. >> Stephen: THAT'S GREAT,
THAT'S GREAT. LISTEN, YOU ACTUALLY-- YOU DID
SOMETHING THAT I REALLY ADMIRE, AND I-- I AM KIND OF MOVED BY
EVERY TIME I HEAR ABOUT SOMEBODY DOING IT.
YOU, SIR, SINCE THE LAST TIME I TALKED TO YOU, HAVE BECOME A
UNITED STATES CITIZEN RIGHT THERE.
( APPLAUSE ) INSIDE YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO
THAT. TO DO THAT-- THAT'S REALLY
LOVELY. I HAVE A SOFT SPOT IN MY HEART
FOR THE PEOPLE WHO CHOSE THIS PLACE.
>> YEAH, NO, IT WAS-- IT WAS-- IT WAS A SPECIAL MOMENT.
I ACED THE TEST, WHICH IS PRETTY COOL.
>> Stephen: COOL. >> YEAH.
>> Stephen: THERE IS A TEST, RIGHT?
>> YEAH, THERE IS A TEST, AND THEY ASK YOU QUESTIONS.
>> Stephen: LIKE, "WHO IS THE 16th PRESIDENT?"
>> THAT'S WAY TOO HARD FOR THE TEST.
>> Stephen: WHO IS ABRAHAM LINCOLN.
>> IT'S LIKE "NAME ONE STATE." UH, DELAWARE.
>> Stephen: HOW MANY QUESTIONS ON THE TEST?
>> THERE ARE 10. >> Stephen: WOW.
>> THERE ARE 100 THAT YOU SHOULD KNOW, AND THEY'LL ONLY ASK YOU
10, AND I THINK IF YOU GET SIX RIGHT IN A ROW, THEY'RE LIKE,
"GOOD ENOUGH." >> Stephen: WOW, WOW.
>> YEAH, BUT IT WAS PRETTY COOL. IT WAS DURING COVID, SO THE
CEREMONY TOOK PLACE OUTSIDE, AND EVERYONE WAS ADEQUATELY SPACED.
>> Stephen: SURE. HOW MANY PEOPLE IN YOUR GROUP?
>> I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE ABOUT 30 OR SO.
AND, YOU KNOW, THEY-- IF YOU TAKE THIS PLEDGE, AND, YOU KNOW,
I CAME FROM CANADA, SO IT JUST-- LIKE, MY BIGGEST PROBLEM WAS,
LIKE, IT TOOK A WHILE. BUT, YOU KNOW, FOR SOME PEOPLE
THEY'RE IN TEARS BECAUSE WHO KNOWS WHAT JOURNEY THEY HAD TO
GET THERE. AND IT JUST-- IT WAS A PROFOUND
MOMENT OF LIKE, WOW. FOR SOME FOLKS, AMERICA IS-- NO
PLACE IS FLAWLESS, BUT FOR A LOT OF PEOPLE, IT'S LIKE THAT WILLIE
WONKA GOLDEN TICKET OF NOW MY LIFE IS GOING TO CHANGE
DRAMATICALLY. AND THAT WAS-- THAT WAS SPECIAL
TO BE -- >> Stephen: THAT'S WHAT I LOVE
ABOUT NATURALIZATION CEREMONIES. >> YEAH.
>> Stephen: DO YOU FEEL-- FIRST OF ALL, WELCOME ABOARD.
>> THANKS. >> Stephen: I WISH I HAD A
WHISTLE. >> OH, I BOUGHT 50 GUNS.
I... ( LAUGHTER )
FROM UNDERNEATH THE WINGS, HAD A FORD TRUCK.
AS TED NUGENT WAS LIKE ♪ I'M PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN
WHERE AT LEAST I KNOW I'M FREE ♪ WHOEVER SINGS THAT.
>> Stephen: LEE GREENWOOD. THAT'S ON THE TEST.
IS THAT NOT ON THE TEST? >> OH, NO!
GOOD THING I DIDN'T GET THAT QUESTION.
>> Stephen: WHY DID YOU WANT TO BE AN AMERICAN?
>> I DON'T KNOW, MAN. >> Stephen: THAT'S NOT ON THE
TEST. >> NO, JUST BECAUSE-- WELL, YOU
KNOW, I'D BEEN HERE SO LONG THROUGH WORK VISAS AND GREEN
CARDS. THE BIG JUMP IS TO FINALLY, YOU
KNOW, TAKE PART IN YOUR DEMOCRATIC PROCESS.
I COME FROM CANADA. WE HAVE DEMOCRACY THERE.
>> Stephen: I UNDERSTAND, I UNDERSTAND.
>> BUT IT WAS JUST-- IT'S JUST SORT OF-- IT JUST BECOMES MORE
OFFICIAL AND YOU KIND OF GET TO TAKE PART.
>> Stephen: DID YOU HAVE TO RENOUNCE, YOU KNOW, RYAN GOSLING
OR ANYTHING? DO YOU HAVE TO RENOUNCE--
>> AND WHAT DO YOU THINK OF TRUDEAU?
I HATE HIM, GOOD. >> Stephen: ARE YOU A DUAL
CITIZEN NOW? >> I AM.
>> Stephen: OH, WOW. >> SO I CAN ESCAPE UP NORTH WHEN
THE WATER WARS COME, BROTHER. I'M GOING TO HAVE ALL THE FRESH
DRINKING WATER YOU CAN HAVE. >> Stephen: DO YOU SAY THOSE
CANADIAN-- HOW DO YOU SAY THAT WORD?
>> ABOUT, STEPHEN. ( APPLAUSE )
BIN. >> Stephen: YOU HAD TO THINK
ABOUT IT. YOU WERE GOING TO SEE BEAM.
>> NO. DO YOU WANT ME TO DO THAT ONE,
TOO. PAST-A.
>> Stephen: I'LL SPEND TIME HERE AND GO BACK TO MY HOME TOWN
AND GO, "YOU GUYS SOUND CRAZY. Y'ALL SOUND CRAZY AROUND HERE.
>> Stephen: YOU SUPPORTED BERNIE SAND SANDERS IN 2020, BUU
COULDN'T VOTE. IS IT BERNIE 2024?
>> I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE I'M GOING TO SEE "NIGHT OF."
I'M GOING TO CHECK OUT-- COME AROUND WHEN THEY'RE DOING THE
BIG DRAMATIC MUSIC OF DA-DA- DA, 2024 ELECTION!
AND WHO WILL BE IT BE, POTTER. THAT DUDE-- OR LADY.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU. >> GEEZ, I DON'T KNOW.
>> Stephen: THAT WAS VERY CLOSE THERE.
>> I'M TAKING A STEP BACK, YOU KNOW.
BEING PLUGGED IN ALL THE TIME TO WHAT'S GOING ON, IT FEELS WEIRD
LIKE A BIG CONTRARY STATEMENT TO WHAT THE UTTERED BY THE GUEST
BEFORE-- "PAY ATTENTION, DEMOCRACY."
IT'S SCARY. EVERYONE IS TWISTING EACH
OTHER'S ARMS AND PULLING EACH OTHER'S HAIR OUT.
I'M TIRED OF IT. >> Stephen: HAVE YOU BEEN
KEEPING UP WITH THE NEWS LATELY? >> NOT IF THEY HAPPEN ON SOCIAL
MEDIA. I'M OUT OF THERE.
>> Stephen: ME, NEITHER. >> IT'S CRAZY.
>> Stephen: EVERYTHING IS FINE BY THE WAY.
>> IS IT? WHAT ARE THE BIG HEADLINES?
>> Stephen: THERE AREN'T ANY. A BUNCH OF MORNINGIES WERE IN AN
ACCIDENT IN PENNSYLVANIA, BUT THEY CAUGHT THEM ALL, A BUNCH OF
MONKEYS. LET'S GET TO THE MEAT HERE.
YOU ARE STARRING IN THE CBS HIT SITCOM "B POSITIVE."
>> YEAH. >> Stephen: SECOND SEASON.
>> YEAH. ( APPLAUSE ).
SOMEONE RIGHT HERE-- LET ME SPEAK FROM THE HEART, AS SOMEONE
WHO AS A YOUNG ACTOR AUDITIONED FOR 1,000 SITCOMS AND COULD NOT
GET ARRESTED -- THOUGH I GOT CALLED BACK FOR "ALLEY
McBEAL--" WHAT IS IT LIKE TO STAR IN A SITCOM, IT'S A SWEET
RIDE, RIGHT? >> I WILL SAY THIS FIRST AND
FOREMOST, EVERYONE ON THE SHOW IS A TREAT TO WORK WITH.
ANNALEIGH ASHFORD IS A JOY. .>> Stephen: AND YOU GET TO
WORK WITH EXTRAORDINARY LEGENDS ON THAT SHOW.
BEN VEREEN! >> BEN VEREEN.
>> Stephen: BEN VEREEN! ( APPLAUSE )
ECCENTRIC. HE'S GOT THIS WONDERFUL LITTLE
HAT THAT HE WARES THAT SAYS, LIKE, "MINISTER OF FUN."
THE FIRST TABLE READ WE WERE AT, WE WERE ABOUT READY TO READ THE
SCRIPT AND EVERYONE WAS CHATTING AND THE ASSISTANT DIRECTOR IS
LIKE, "I SHOULD PROBABLY GET THINGS GOING."
AND BEN VEREEN QUIETLY TAKES OUT THIS LITTLE RECORDER AND GOES
DO-DO-DO-DO. AND EVERYONE IS LIKE WHAT?
AND WE ALL QUIETED DOWN. AND HE PUT HIS RECORDER AWAY.
AND AT ASSISTANT DIRECTOR WAS LIKE, "ALL RIGHT, LET'S HAVE A
THE TABLE READ." AND WE WERE LIKE, GOOD.
HE QUIETED US DOWN WITH HIS MAGICAL FLUTE.
>> Stephen: THAT'S A PRO. THAT'S A PRO.
>> HE IS AMAZING. >> Stephen: THOMAS, IT WAS
LOVELY TO SEE, THANKS FOR BEING HERE.
>> THANKS. >> Stephen: NEW EPISODES OF
"B POSITIVE" AIR THIS THURSDAY AT 9:00 P.M. ON CBS.
THOMAS MIDDLEDITCH, EVERYBODY WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
THAT'S IT FOR LATE SHOW." TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUEST
WILL BE ADRIEN BRODY. JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT.
GOOD NIGHT, Y'ALL.