1 00:00:02,001 --> 00:00:06,039 >> ACTOR DANIEL RADCLIFFE WILL PLAY "WEIRD AL" YANKOVIC IN AN 2 00:00:06,106 --> 00:00:09,409 UPCOMING BIOGRAPHICAL FILM FOR THE ROKU CHANNEL. 3 00:00:09,476 --> 00:00:10,944 THE "HARRY POTTER" STAR WILL TAKE ON THE ROLE OF THE 4 00:00:11,010 --> 00:00:12,512 GRAMMY-WINNING, SONG-PARODY SPECIALIST IN "WEIRD: THE AL 5 00:00:12,579 --> 00:00:19,386 YANKOVIC STORY." >> COMING THIS CHRISTMAS, 6 00:00:19,452 --> 00:00:24,324 SOMETIMES BEING WEIRD TAKES A LITTLE BIT OF MAGIC. 7 00:00:24,391 --> 00:00:36,302 ♪ ♪ ♪ 8 00:00:36,369 --> 00:00:48,248 ( WIND BLOWS ) 9 00:00:48,314 --> 00:00:52,385 ♪ BABY, I LOVE ROCKY ROAD WON'T YOU GO AND BUY HALF A 10 00:00:52,452 --> 00:00:58,158 GALLON, BABY ♪ I LOVE ROCKY ROAD ♪ 11 00:00:58,224 --> 00:01:02,929 >> "WEIRD: THE AL YANKOVIC STORY," STREAMING EXCLUSIVELY ON 12 00:01:02,996 --> 00:01:05,932 ROKU. ROKU: GOOD LUCK FINDING US. 13 00:01:05,999 --> 00:01:09,269 WE DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE WE ARE. 14 00:01:09,335 --> 00:01:10,670 >> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT." 15 00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:17,944 TONIGHT: 16 00:01:18,011 --> 00:01:21,014 PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES: 17 00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:25,952 ELVIS COSTELLO AND MUSICAL GUEST ELVIS COSTELLO 18 00:01:26,019 --> 00:01:29,589 AND THE IMPOSTERS. 19 00:01:29,656 --> 00:01:32,592 FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN. 20 00:01:32,659 --> 00:01:36,729 AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE 21 00:01:36,796 --> 00:01:41,534 ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 22 00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:49,576 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 23 00:01:49,642 --> 00:02:03,857 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) STEPHEN! 24 00:02:03,923 --> 00:02:05,558 STEPHEN! STEPHEN! 25 00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:08,061 STEPHEN! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). 26 00:02:08,127 --> 00:02:20,640 WELCOME. THERE YOU GO. 27 00:02:20,707 --> 00:02:24,310 THERE YOU GO. WELCOME, WELCOME, ONE AND ALL, 28 00:02:24,377 --> 00:02:27,947 IN HERE, OUT THERE, ALL AROUND THE WORLD, TO "THE LATE SHOW." 29 00:02:28,014 --> 00:02:29,816 I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. AND I JUST WANT TO START OFF 30 00:02:29,883 --> 00:02:35,955 TONIGHT WITH AN EARLY BLOOMING BOUQUET OF HAPPY FRIDAYS TO ONE 31 00:02:36,022 --> 00:02:40,693 AND ALL. IT'S GOOD TO HAVE YOU HERE, 32 00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:43,963 BECAUSE I KNOW EVERYBODY IN MY AUDIENCE AND MY STAFF ARE ALL 33 00:02:44,030 --> 00:02:47,800 FULLY VAXXED TO THE MAX ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 34 00:02:47,867 --> 00:02:51,905 CASE EVERYWHERE. LAST WEEK, THE SUPREME COURT 35 00:02:51,971 --> 00:02:56,876 STRUCK DOWN BIDEN'S VACCINE MANDATE FOR LARGE BUSINESSES. 36 00:02:56,943 --> 00:03:05,919 AND SHORT THREE THEREAFTERS, STARBUCKS ANNOUNCED THAT IT IS 37 00:03:05,985 --> 00:03:07,787 NO LONGER REQUIRING EMPLOYEES TO GET VACCINATED OR SUBMIT TO 38 00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:08,955 WEEKLY TESTING, WHICH IS HUGE, BECAUSE THEY HAVE OVER 9,000 39 00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:12,559 U.S. COFFEE SHOPS. AND THAT'S JUST IN A TWO -BLOCK 40 00:03:12,625 --> 00:03:15,929 RADIUS AROUND THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER. 41 00:03:15,995 --> 00:03:20,934 DRINK OUR COFFEE! THIS POLICY HAS A BIG IMPACT ON 42 00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:24,904 THE AMERICAN WORKFORCE BECAUSE STARBUCKS EMPLOYS 200,000 43 00:03:24,971 --> 00:03:27,941 WORKERS. AND IT SEEMS LIKE NONE OF THEM 44 00:03:28,007 --> 00:03:30,243 IS WORKING ON YOUR ORDER, EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE PRETTY SURE 45 00:03:30,310 --> 00:03:32,445 THAT LADY WHO JUST GOT HER CAKE POPS CAME IN AFTER YOU. 46 00:03:32,512 --> 00:03:42,956 WHERE ARE MY EGG BITES. IN A MEMO, THE STARBUCK C.O. O. 47 00:03:43,022 --> 00:03:44,324 TRIED TO HAVE IT BOTH WAYS, EXPLAINING, "WHILE THE VACCINE 48 00:03:44,390 --> 00:03:49,062 RULE IS NOW PAUSED, I WANT TO EMPHASIZE THAT WE CONTINUE TO 49 00:03:49,128 --> 00:03:52,865 BELIEVE STRONGLY IN THE SPIRIT AND INTENT OF THE MANDATE." 50 00:03:52,932 --> 00:03:55,969 BECAUSE NOTHING SAYS YOU BELIEVE IN A RULE LIKE NO LONGER 51 00:03:56,035 --> 00:03:58,838 HAVING IT. ( LAUGHTER ) 52 00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:02,909 "LISTEN, I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I BELIEVE IN THIS BUILDING'S NO 53 00:04:02,976 --> 00:04:04,677 PET POLICY, EVEN THOUGH I'VE ADOPTED A BENGAL TIGER. 54 00:04:04,744 --> 00:04:10,016 SHE SMELLS YOU-- RUN!" ( LAUGHTER ) 55 00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:13,753 DOWN! THE C.O.O. ALSO EMPHASIZED THAT 56 00:04:13,820 --> 00:04:16,723 MORE THAN 90% OF STARBUCKS WORKERS IN THE UNITED STATES HAD 57 00:04:16,789 --> 00:04:22,362 DISCLOSED THEIR VACCINATION STATUS BUT, NOTABLY, HE WOULDN'T 58 00:04:22,428 --> 00:04:24,731 SAY WHAT PERCENT OF THOSE WORKERS ARE NOT FULLY 59 00:04:24,797 --> 00:04:28,301 VACCINATED. YEAH, NOT PARTICULARLY 60 00:04:28,368 --> 00:04:30,436 COMFORTING: "BEFORE WE MAKE LOVE, I WANT YOU 61 00:04:30,503 --> 00:04:32,305 TO KNOW THAT I TOOK AN S.T. D. TEST, AND I KNOW FOR CERTAIN 62 00:04:32,372 --> 00:04:40,546 WHETHER OR NOT I HAVE ONE. ( LAUGHTER ) 63 00:04:40,613 --> 00:04:43,783 BEFORE YOU GET A GOOD LOOK AT WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH. 64 00:04:43,850 --> 00:04:48,788 YOU LIKE JACKSON POLLACK?" WE HERE AT THE COLUMBIA 65 00:04:48,855 --> 00:04:52,625 BROADCASTING SYNDICATE WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT "THE LATE SHOW" IS 66 00:04:52,692 --> 00:04:54,427 NOT ONLY SAFE. IT'S 100% FREE, FIVE DAYS 67 00:04:54,494 --> 00:04:56,029 A WEEK. HOW DO WE DO IT? 68 00:04:56,095 --> 00:05:01,601 >> Audience: VOLUME! >> Stephen: NOW, UNFORTUNATELY, 69 00:05:01,668 --> 00:05:05,271 NOT EVERY ENTERTAINMENT PLATFORM IS QUITE SO GENEROUS. 70 00:05:05,338 --> 00:05:10,977 THIS WEEK, IT WAS ANNOUNCED THAT NETFLIX IS RAISING THEIR PRICES. 71 00:05:11,044 --> 00:05:12,912 AND IF YOU'RE CONCERNED ABOUT WHAT THAT MEANS FOR THE NETFLIX 72 00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:16,082 ACCOUNT YOU USE, DON'T WORRY-- THAT'S YOUR EX -BOYFRIEND'S MOM'S 73 00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:21,921 PROBLEM. ( LAUGHTER ) 74 00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:26,926 WITH THE-- SHE'S VERY NICE. VERY NICE. 75 00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:29,962 WITH THE NEW PRICES, THE COST FOR THEIR MOST EXPENSIVE 76 00:05:30,029 --> 00:05:33,966 PREMIUM PLAN INCREASED $2 TO $19.99 A MONTH. 77 00:05:34,033 --> 00:05:38,905 FOR COMPARISON, HULU COSTS $12.99, DISNEY+ COSTS $7.99, 78 00:05:38,971 --> 00:05:40,139 AND CRACKLE'S PLAN IS STILL "WE'LL PAY YOU! 79 00:05:40,206 --> 00:05:44,410 FOR GOD'S SAKE, JUST TELL PEOPLE WE'RE STILL HERE." 80 00:05:44,477 --> 00:05:49,582 ( LAUGHTER ) PARAMOUNT+, IT'S WORTH IT. 81 00:05:49,649 --> 00:05:50,917 "PARAMOUNT+: A MOUNTAIN OF COTRACTUALLY OBLIGATED 82 00:05:50,983 --> 00:05:53,720 PLUGS." ( LAUGHTER ) 83 00:05:53,786 --> 00:06:08,668 NOW-- MAKE IT SO! THERE'S BIG NEWS IN N.F.Ts. 84 00:06:08,735 --> 00:06:09,902 NOW-- MAKE IT SO! THERE'S BIG NEWS IN N.F.Ts. 85 00:06:09,969 --> 00:06:11,037 FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE WONDERING WHAT THAT IS, LOOK IT 86 00:06:11,104 --> 00:06:13,473 UP AND TELL ME. I DON'T GET IT, EVEN THOUGH IT'S 87 00:06:13,539 --> 00:06:15,975 BEEN EXPLAINED TO ME MANY TIMES, ONE TIME BY ME. 88 00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:16,909 WELL, WHATEVER THEY ARE, IT WAS JUST ANNOUNCED THAT NEW YORK'S 89 00:06:16,976 --> 00:06:19,679 FIRST N.F.T. RESTAURANT IS COMING SOON. 90 00:06:19,746 --> 00:06:22,915 THE RESTAURANT, WHICH IS CALLED "FLYFISH CLUB," DOESN'T HAVE A 91 00:06:22,982 --> 00:06:24,717 LOCATION YET, BUT THE FOUNDERS HAVE ANNOUNCED THAT THE MENU IS 92 00:06:24,784 --> 00:06:31,224 "SEAFOOD INSPIRED." ( LAUGHTER ) 93 00:06:31,290 --> 00:06:36,162 ( LAUGHTER ) THING. 94 00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:40,166 NO ONE WANTS TO TAKE A BITE OF SOMETHING AND SAY, "WOW, THAT 95 00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:42,201 REALLY REMINDS ME OF A SHRIMP." ( LAUGHTER ) 96 00:06:42,268 --> 00:06:48,941 THIS RESTAURANT WILL BE OR WHAT THEY WILL SERVE. 97 00:06:49,008 --> 00:06:50,243 LET'S SEE IF ONE OF THEIR FOUNDERS CAN EXPLAIN: 98 00:06:50,309 --> 00:06:54,247 >> "FLYFISH CLUB" IS GOING TO BE A MODERN INTERPRETATION OF 99 00:06:54,313 --> 00:06:57,216 EVERYTHING THAT YOU LOVE AND APPRECIATE WHEN YOU WALK INTO A 100 00:06:57,283 --> 00:07:02,121 RESTAURANT, BUT TURNED UPSIDE DOWN, ON IT'S FACE, INSIDE OUT. 101 00:07:02,188 --> 00:07:05,057 >> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT, "UPSIDE DOWN, ON ITS FACE, 102 00:07:05,124 --> 00:07:07,827 INSIDE OUT," BACKSIDE -FRONTSIDE, LEFTY-TIGHTY, RIGHTY-LOOSEY. 103 00:07:07,894 --> 00:07:09,462 EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS RESTAURANT IS SO BACKWARDS, YOU'RE GOING TO 104 00:07:09,529 --> 00:07:10,396 EAT WITH YOUR BUTT AND POOP OUT YOUR MOUTH. 105 00:07:10,463 --> 00:07:12,965 WHO'S HUNGRY? ( LAUGHTER ) 106 00:07:13,032 --> 00:07:16,169 IT'S CRAZY! IT'S CRAZY! 107 00:07:16,235 --> 00:07:19,305 IT'S INSANE! YOU'RE GOING TO NEED TO BE 108 00:07:19,372 --> 00:07:20,139 MEDICATED. WE'RE GOING TO HAVE BOWLS OF 109 00:07:20,206 --> 00:07:22,942 ZOLOFT. NOW, IF YOU WANT TO GET YOUR 110 00:07:23,009 --> 00:07:24,944 NONEXISTENT SEAT AT THE MADE -UP TABLE, IT'S GOING TO SET YOU 111 00:07:25,011 --> 00:07:28,381 BACK, BECAUSE RIGHT NOW, A REGULAR MEMBERSHIP GOES FOR 112 00:07:28,447 --> 00:07:31,884 ABOUT $7,900 IN CRYPTOCURRENCY, AND THE HIGHER LEVEL OMAKASE 113 00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:35,922 MEMBERSHIP GOES FOR ROUGHLY $13,000. 114 00:07:35,988 --> 00:07:39,025 OR YOU CAN JUST GO TO RED LOBSTER AND BE A DOUCHEBAG 115 00:07:39,091 --> 00:07:41,194 FOR FREE. WHAT'S THIS? 116 00:07:41,260 --> 00:07:47,867 HOLD ON, EXCUSE ME, WHAT'S THIS? FIRSTLY, THAT I DO NOT 117 00:07:47,934 --> 00:07:51,871 HAVE AN EARPIECE. AND, SECOND, IT'S TIME FOR A 118 00:07:51,938 --> 00:07:58,211 "LATE SHOW COMEUPPPANCE WATCH." NOW, REGULAR VIEWERS KNOW THAT 119 00:07:58,277 --> 00:08:03,516 "COMEUPPANCE WATCH" IS A SEGMENT WE HAVE NEVER DONE BEFORE. 120 00:08:03,583 --> 00:08:06,018 IN IT, WE OUTLINE POWERFUL MEN WHO ARE ON THE VERGE OF GETTING 121 00:08:06,085 --> 00:08:07,887 THEIR COMEUPPANCE. AND TONIGHT, WE ARE VERY CLOSE 122 00:08:07,954 --> 00:08:11,891 TO DISCOVERING THE IDENTITIES OF SOME OF THE FRIENDS OF 123 00:08:11,958 --> 00:08:16,896 BILLIONAIRE SEXUAL PREDATOR AND ALL-AROUND HORRIBLE FORMER HUMAN 124 00:08:16,963 --> 00:08:25,571 BEING, JEFFREY EPSTEIN. LAST MONTH, EPSTEIN'S FORMER 125 00:08:25,638 --> 00:08:29,575 GISLANE-- PRISONER NUMBER 405-- WAS FOUND GUILTY OF FIVE FEDERAL 126 00:08:29,642 --> 00:08:31,944 CHARGES AND IS FACING 65 YEARS IN JAIL. 127 00:08:32,011 --> 00:08:34,513 AND EVEN THOUGH THE NAMES OF EPSTEIN'S PALS WERE SEALED IN A 128 00:08:34,580 --> 00:08:37,783 PREVIOUS CASE, MAXWELL'S LAWYERS SAY SHE WILL NO LONGER FIGHT TO 129 00:08:37,850 --> 00:08:39,752 KEEP THE NAMES OF EIGHT "JOHN DOEs" A SECRET. 130 00:08:39,819 --> 00:08:46,659 WHICH MEANS-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 131 00:08:46,726 --> 00:08:56,102 COULD BE UPPANCE-COMING. AND THESE JOHN DOEs COULD 132 00:08:56,168 --> 00:08:58,404 BE ANY NUMBER OF POWERFUL MEN THAT HAVE BEEN SEEN WITH 133 00:08:58,471 --> 00:08:59,705 EPSTEIN: FORMER PRESIDENT BILL CLINTON, 134 00:08:59,772 --> 00:09:02,608 THE OTHER FORMER PRESIDENT, THE FORMER ALAN DERSHOWITZ, 135 00:09:02,675 --> 00:09:05,711 FORMER MICROSOFT C.E.O. BILL GATES, OR PART-TIME CLARINETIST 136 00:09:05,778 --> 00:09:10,149 WOODY ALLEN. IF IT'S REVEALED THAT ONE OF THE 137 00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:16,055 "JOHN DOEs" IS WOODY ALLEN, IT COULD RUIN HIS REPUTATION. 138 00:09:16,122 --> 00:09:20,893 OF COURSE, ONE MAN WE DO KNOW SPENT A LOT OF TIME WITH JEFFREY 139 00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:24,897 EPSTEIN IS ANDREW. YOU GUYS KNOW ANDREW? 140 00:09:24,964 --> 00:09:26,432 YOU MIGHT KNOW HIM AS "PRINCE ANDREW," BUT LAST WEEK, 141 00:09:26,499 --> 00:09:29,902 IN LIGHT OF HIS SEXUAL ASSAULT TRIAL, THE QUEEN STRIPPED HIM OF 142 00:09:29,969 --> 00:09:31,504 HIS TITLES. ( APPLAUSE ) 143 00:09:31,570 --> 00:09:38,911 UNITED KINGDOM IS OUTLINING SOME OF ANDREW'S UNUSUAL BEDROOM 144 00:09:38,978 --> 00:09:41,914 HABITS. NO, NOT THOSE. 145 00:09:41,981 --> 00:09:45,418 ALTHOUGH, YEAH, PROBABLY THOSE. I MEAN, IN THIS CASE, HIS TEDDY 146 00:09:45,484 --> 00:09:49,922 BEAR COLLECTION. FORMER ROYAL STAFFER PAUL PAGE 147 00:09:49,989 --> 00:09:51,691 EXPLAINS: >> IT HAD ABOUT 50 OR 60 STUFFED 148 00:09:51,757 --> 00:09:57,930 TOYS POSITIONED ON THE BED AND, BASICALLY, THERE WAS A CARD THE 149 00:09:57,997 --> 00:10:05,871 INSPECTOR SHOWED US IN A DRAWER, AND IT'S A PICTURE OF THESE 150 00:10:05,938 --> 00:10:07,940 BEARS ALL IN SITU ON THE BED. AND THE REASON FOR THE LAMINATED 151 00:10:08,007 --> 00:10:10,543 PICTURE WAS THAT IF THOSE BEARS WEREN'T PUT BACK IN THE RIGHT 152 00:10:10,609 --> 00:10:13,279 ORDER BY THE MAIDS, HE WOULD SHOUT AND SCREAM AND BECOME 153 00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:16,949 VERBALLY ABUSIVE. >> Stephen: WOW. 154 00:10:17,016 --> 00:10:21,887 THIS NEW "PADDINGTON" MOVIE SEEMS A LOT DARKER THAN THE 155 00:10:21,954 --> 00:10:24,724 ORIGINALS. WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU 156 00:10:24,790 --> 00:10:25,958 TONIGHT. MY GUEST IS ELVIS COSTELLO. 157 00:10:26,025 --> 00:10:28,027 BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, "MEANWHILE!" 158 00:11:15,007 --> 00:11:25,017 STAY HUMAN, EVERYBODY. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 159 00:11:25,084 --> 00:11:28,087 HAPPY FRIDAY. HAPPY FRIDAY. 160 00:11:28,154 --> 00:11:30,956 >> Jon: HAPPY FRIDAY. >> WE MADE IT THROUGH ANOTHER 161 00:11:31,023 --> 00:11:31,824 ONE. >> Jon: MADE IT THROUGH THE 162 00:11:31,891 --> 00:11:33,092 WEEK. >> Stephen: ONE OF THE REASONS 163 00:11:33,159 --> 00:11:36,429 I CAN MAKE IT TO EVERY FRIDAY IS I KNOW I GET TO DO IT FOR A 164 00:11:36,495 --> 00:11:37,630 FRIDAY CROWD. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). 165 00:11:37,696 --> 00:11:39,398 >> Jon: FRIDAY AUDIENCE IS SO HYPE. 166 00:11:39,465 --> 00:11:43,736 >> Stephen: THEY'RE THE BLOOD IN MY VEINS. 167 00:11:43,803 --> 00:11:47,440 ALSO TONIGHT ONE OF MY FAVORITE MUSICAL ARTISTS OF ALL TIME IS 168 00:11:47,506 --> 00:11:48,441 HERE. ELVIS COSTELLO IS HERE. 169 00:11:48,507 --> 00:11:50,309 >> YES, INDEED, ELVIS COSTELLO IS INCREDIBLE. 170 00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:53,679 >> Stephen: AN ABSOLUTE GIANT, ROCK 'N' ROLL HALL OF FAMER. 171 00:11:53,746 --> 00:11:56,682 HE IS GOING TO PERFORM. THE IMPOSTERS ARE HERE WITH HIM 172 00:11:56,749 --> 00:11:59,185 TONIGHT, AND HE WILL BE PLAYING WITH THESE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE. 173 00:11:59,251 --> 00:12:03,389 I'M JEALOUS OF THESE PEOPLE. FOLKS, I SPEND A LOT OF TIME 174 00:12:03,456 --> 00:12:05,491 FOLKS, I SPEND A LOT OF TIME RIGHT OVER THERE, SORTING 175 00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:08,427 THROUGH THE DAY'S TOP STORIES, CAREFULLY SELECTING THE 176 00:12:08,494 --> 00:12:11,497 FRESHEST, MOST TOPICAL NEWS-FRUIT, ARTFULLY CARVING IT 177 00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:15,267 INTO SATIRICAL SHAPES, DIPPING IT IN THE FINEST ARTISANAL 178 00:12:15,334 --> 00:12:17,503 CHOCOLATE, AND GENTLY PLACING IT INTO THE FLAWLESSLY COMPOSED AND 179 00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:23,776 DELICIOUS EDIBLE ARRANGEMENT THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE. 180 00:12:23,843 --> 00:12:28,013 THAT IS MY NIGHTLY MONOLOGUE. BUT SOMETIMES, JUST SOMETIMES, 181 00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:29,515 FOLKS, I WAKE UP FACE DOWN IN THE RECYCLING BIN BEHIND A JAMBA 182 00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:31,250 JUICE, FIGHT A SEAGULL FOR THE DISCARDED CANTALOUPE RINDS 183 00:12:31,317 --> 00:12:32,885 AND PINEAPPLE STEMS, DIP 'EM INTO A BUCKET OF DIESEL SIPHONED 184 00:12:32,952 --> 00:12:35,020 FROM A SEMI FULL OF UNWASHED BIRD BONES, WHICH I USE TO 185 00:12:35,087 --> 00:12:38,891 SKEWER TOGETHER MY GARBAGE KEBABS, THEN STAB 'EM ONTO A 186 00:12:38,958 --> 00:12:40,826 WATERLOGGED TEDDY BEAR TO CREATE THE CRIMINALLY INSANE NIGHTMARE 187 00:12:40,893 --> 00:12:44,396 GIFT BASKET OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT: 188 00:12:44,463 --> 00:12:59,345 "MEANWHILE!" ( APPLAUSE ) 189 00:12:59,411 --> 00:13:00,412 "MEANWHILE!" ( APPLAUSE ) 190 00:13:00,479 --> 00:13:09,989 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) STEPHEN! 191 00:13:10,055 --> 00:13:11,524 STEPHEN! STEPHEN! 192 00:13:11,590 --> 00:13:17,696 STEPHEN! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 193 00:13:17,763 --> 00:13:23,469 BEEN CLOSELY FOLLOWING MACHINE GUN KELLY AND MEGAN FOX'S 194 00:13:23,536 --> 00:13:27,673 ENGAGEMENT. AFTER DRINKING EACH OTHER'S 195 00:13:27,740 --> 00:13:29,508 BLOOD-- AS YOU DO-- MACHINE GUN KELLY DESIGNED MEGAN FOX'S 196 00:13:29,575 --> 00:13:32,444 RING WITH THORNS SO IT HURT TO TAKE OFF. 197 00:13:32,511 --> 00:13:35,781 MAKES SENSE. AS THE OLD SAYING GOES, "IF YOU 198 00:13:35,848 --> 00:13:39,485 LOVE SOMETHING, DRINK ITS BLOOD, THEN MAKE IT FEAR HARM IF IT 199 00:13:39,552 --> 00:13:44,456 TRIES TO LEAVE, THEN IT'S YOURS." 200 00:13:44,523 --> 00:13:52,097 ( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, CLIMATE ACTIVIST 201 00:13:52,164 --> 00:13:56,435 GRETA THUNBERG JUST HAD A NEWLY DISCOVERED FROG NAMED AFTER HER. 202 00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:59,271 PRISTIMANTIS GRETATHUNBERGAE WAS DISCOVERED IN A MOUNTAIN RANGE 203 00:13:59,338 --> 00:14:02,007 IN PANAMA. THAT'S VERY NICE. 204 00:14:02,074 --> 00:14:04,443 I ALSO HAPPEN TO HAVE A COUPLE MEMBERS OF THE ANIMAL KINGDOM 205 00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:08,414 NAMED AFTER ME, SUCH AS APTOSTICHUS STEPHENCOLBERTI, AND 206 00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:15,221 THE VENEZUELAN DIVING BEETLE AGAPOROMORPHUS COLBERTI, KNOWN 207 00:14:15,287 --> 00:14:26,932 FOR ITS EXTREMELY COMPLICATED MALE GENITALIA. 208 00:14:26,999 --> 00:14:27,933 ( LAUGHTER ) GRETA, BUT HOW MESSED UP ARE 209 00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:29,001 YOUR FROG'S GENITALS? ( LAUGHTER ) 210 00:14:29,068 --> 00:14:32,471 NOW, DUE TO THEIR RELATIVE PLACES ON THE FOOD CHAIN, 211 00:14:32,538 --> 00:14:35,641 GRETA'S FROGS POSE A DIRECT THREAT TO MY BUGS, SO THIS IS 212 00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:39,945 A WARNING: YOU KEEP THAT SLIMEY TOAD AWAY FROM MY BUGS, GRETA, 213 00:14:40,012 --> 00:14:44,950 OR I WILL POP OPEN A CAN OF "ALEIODES COLBERTI ON YOUR ASS! 214 00:14:45,017 --> 00:14:52,925 YES, IT'S A WASP, AND I CONTROL THEM WITH MY MIND LIKE AQUAMAN, 215 00:14:52,992 --> 00:14:56,962 ( APPLAUSE ) AQUA MAN. 216 00:14:57,029 --> 00:15:01,367 AQUA MAN CONTROLS THEM WITH HIS ABS. 217 00:15:01,433 --> 00:15:04,903 MEANWHILE, IN GROSS NEWS, AN OHIO SALON OWNER HAS UNVEILED A 218 00:15:04,970 --> 00:15:07,740 225-POUND BALL OF HUMAN HAIR THAT BROKE "THE GUINNESS WORLD 219 00:15:07,806 --> 00:15:10,476 RECORD." AND HERE'S A LOOK AT IT IN 220 00:15:10,542 --> 00:15:14,913 ACTION. YOU THINK THAT'S BIG, YOU SHOULD 221 00:15:14,980 --> 00:15:18,384 SEE THE CAT THAT COUGHED THIS THING UP. 222 00:15:18,450 --> 00:15:21,920 ( LAUGHTER ) BREAKTHROUGH IN MALE 223 00:15:21,987 --> 00:15:24,890 CONTRACEPTION, BECAUSE IN AN EXPERIMENT WITH RODENTS, 224 00:15:24,957 --> 00:15:29,094 SCIENTISTS DISCOVERED THAT WARM BALLS COULD BE THE NEXT 225 00:15:29,161 --> 00:15:31,597 MALE BIRTH CONTROL. AND IT'S SO SIMPLE. 226 00:15:31,664 --> 00:15:33,999 SCIENTISTS WERE ABLE TO TEMPORARILY AND REVERSIBLY 227 00:15:34,066 --> 00:15:36,669 REDUCE FERTILITY MERELY BY INJECTING MICE WITH 228 00:15:36,735 --> 00:15:41,974 IRON OXIDE NANOPARTICLES, PLACING A MAGNET NEXT TO THEIR 229 00:15:42,041 --> 00:15:45,611 BALLS FOR FOUR HOURS TO ATTRACT THE PARTICLES, THEN WRAPPING AN 230 00:15:45,678 --> 00:15:49,114 ELECTRIC COIL AROUND THE TESTICLES AND WARMING THE BALLS 231 00:15:49,181 --> 00:15:57,990 UP TO TEMPERATURES BETWEEN 98 AND 113 DEGREES. 232 00:15:58,057 --> 00:15:59,958 OKAY, OBVIOUSLY THAT SOUNDS GREAT, BUT AM I THE ONLY ONE 233 00:16:00,025 --> 00:16:01,327 HERE WONDERING HOW THE MICE FEEL ABOUT THIS? 234 00:16:01,393 --> 00:16:02,895 "HEY, I DON'T WANNA SEEM LIKE I'M NOT A TEAM PLAYER WITH THESE 235 00:16:02,961 --> 00:16:06,031 ELECTRIC COILS ON MY JUNK, BUT IS IT TOO LATE TO VOLUNTEER TO 236 00:16:06,098 --> 00:16:10,002 HAVE MASCARA RUBBED IN MY EYES?" ( LAUGHTER ) 237 00:16:10,069 --> 00:16:16,442 TO CVS TO CHECK OUT THE IRON OXIDE NANOPARTICLE AISLE, 238 00:16:16,508 --> 00:16:19,111 IN SOME OF THE TESTS, THE BALLS ATROPHIED, AND IF THEY WERE 239 00:16:19,178 --> 00:16:24,616 COOKED ABOVE 113 DEGREES, THE BALLS DIDN'T RECOVER. 240 00:16:24,683 --> 00:16:27,453 UNTIL IT'S PERFECTED, MEN WILL HAVE TO RELY ON THE TRIED AND 241 00:16:27,519 --> 00:16:30,022 TRUE MALE CONTRACEPTIVE: TELLING YOUR DATE ABOUT 242 00:16:30,089 --> 00:16:33,425 BLOCKCHAIN. ( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, WE HAVE 243 00:16:33,492 --> 00:16:35,494 COSTELLO. 244 00:17:01,954 --> 00:17:04,890 ( APPLAUSE ) EVERYBODY, TO "THE LATE SHOW," 245 00:17:04,957 --> 00:17:07,893 HERE ON CBS. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY GUEST 246 00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:10,262 TONIGHT IS A GRAMMY AWARD-WINNING SONGWRITER AND 247 00:17:10,329 --> 00:17:11,530 ROCK AND ROLL HALL OF FAMER WHO IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE MUSICIANS 248 00:17:11,597 --> 00:17:13,899 EVER. PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE 249 00:17:13,966 --> 00:17:28,847 SHOW," ELVIS COSTELLO! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 250 00:17:28,914 --> 00:17:41,927 SHOW," ELVIS COSTELLO! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 251 00:17:41,994 --> 00:17:43,662 ♪ ♪ ♪ >> A LITTLE BIG CHIEF THERE, A 252 00:17:43,729 --> 00:17:44,963 LITTLE BIG CHIEF. >> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT. 253 00:17:45,030 --> 00:17:47,032 >> NEW ORLEANS IN THE HOUSE AS IT IS EVERY NIGHT HERE. 254 00:17:47,099 --> 00:17:48,400 >> Stephen: LOVELY TO SEE YOU AGAIN. 255 00:17:48,467 --> 00:17:50,068 >> LOVELY TO SEE YOU. >> Stephen: I WANT TO ASK YOU 256 00:17:50,135 --> 00:17:52,638 ABOUT THIS PHOTO RIGHT HERE. WHAT IS GOING ON? 257 00:17:52,704 --> 00:17:56,308 IT'S BEEN CALLED A PIRATE RADIO BROADCAST. 258 00:17:56,375 --> 00:18:02,347 WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? >> WELL, WELL, WHEN I WAS IN 259 00:18:02,414 --> 00:18:06,351 LIVERPOOL, JUST BEFORE CHRISTMAS, OR NOT LONG BEFORE-- 260 00:18:06,418 --> 00:18:07,186 IS. >> Stephen: CHRISTMAS OF THIS 261 00:18:07,252 --> 00:18:08,487 YEAR. >> CHRISTMAS OF THIS YEAR. 262 00:18:08,554 --> 00:18:12,925 I KNOW IT'S HARD TO KEEP TRACK. I DISCOVERED A RECORD SHOP, AN 263 00:18:12,991 --> 00:18:16,962 INDEPENDENT RECORD SHOP IN SMITH TOWN ROAD LIVERPOOL 15, ABOUT 264 00:18:17,029 --> 00:18:19,431 HALF A MILE FROM WHERE MY MOTHER WAS BORN. 265 00:18:19,498 --> 00:18:22,100 AND I THOUGHT IF I EVER HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY, I WANT TO PUT THIS 266 00:18:22,167 --> 00:18:27,606 PLACE ON THE MAP FOR PEOPLE WHO STILL LIKE TO BUY RECORDS ON 267 00:18:27,673 --> 00:18:29,441 VINYL. AND THEN I THOUGHT, THEN THE 268 00:18:29,508 --> 00:18:33,479 OWNER, GRAHAM, HAD THE VERY GOOD FORTUNE TO SAY, "YOU KNOW, 269 00:18:33,545 --> 00:18:36,148 THERE'S A LITTLE BIT OF RECORDING EQUIPMENT DOWNSTAIRS." 270 00:18:36,215 --> 00:18:39,985 AND I THOUGHT MAYBE I COULD HAVE MY OWN RADIO STATION FOR ONE 271 00:18:40,052 --> 00:18:41,220 NIGHT. EXCEPT, OF COURSE, THESE DAYS 272 00:18:41,286 --> 00:18:47,092 YOU HAVE TO DO IT OVER YOUTUBE. AND HEAVEN KNOWS, THEY STEAL 273 00:18:47,159 --> 00:18:49,761 ENOUGH MONEY FROM US, SO I THOUGHT I WOULD GET A BIT OF IT 274 00:18:49,828 --> 00:18:53,198 BACK BY GOING ON THERE. ( APPLAUSE ) 275 00:18:53,265 --> 00:18:59,071 BASEMENT ON SATURDAY NIGHT. MY STAGE MANAGER, TOAST -- 276 00:18:59,137 --> 00:19:02,774 >> Stephen: TOAST? >> Stephen: TOAST, YES, HAD 277 00:19:02,841 --> 00:19:05,811 THE ROOM-- WE'RE MOOD LIGHTING AS YOU SEE, AND I PROCEEDED TO 278 00:19:05,878 --> 00:19:08,881 PLAY RECORDS FOR THE NEXT THREE AND A HALF HOURS. 279 00:19:08,947 --> 00:19:11,383 AND WE WERE-- YEAH. THREE AND A HALF HOURS. 280 00:19:11,450 --> 00:19:14,219 ( APPLAUSE ) LIKE A PROPER RADIO. 281 00:19:14,286 --> 00:19:15,687 >> Stephen: SURE. >> AND I WAS PLAYING EVERYTHING. 282 00:19:15,754 --> 00:19:19,892 I WAS PLAYING SONGS FROM OUR NEW RECORD "THE BOD NAMED IF." 283 00:19:19,958 --> 00:19:25,230 I WAS PLAYING SONGS FROM OUR LAST RELEASE, "THE SPANISH 284 00:19:25,297 --> 00:19:28,233 MODEL," A REMIX OF THIS YEAR'S MODEL. 285 00:19:28,300 --> 00:19:30,769 WE DISCOVERED THE THICK THAT HAD BEEN HOLDING IT BACK, MY VOICE, 286 00:19:30,836 --> 00:19:33,772 AND PUT A CAST OF SPANISH ARTISTS ON IT. 287 00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:36,542 AND I GOT TO PLAY SOME OF MY FRIENDS, THE NEW FRIENDS WHO 288 00:19:36,608 --> 00:19:39,411 SANG ON THAT RECORD, I GOT TO PLAY SOME OF THEIR SONGS. 289 00:19:39,478 --> 00:19:46,084 I GOT TO PLAY A SEVEN-MINUTE PIECE THAT T-BONE GAVE ME, THAT 290 00:19:46,151 --> 00:19:51,123 HAD NEVER BEEN HEARD BEFORE. IT WAS A WHOLE EVENING OF MUSIC 291 00:19:51,189 --> 00:19:55,260 I WANTED TO PLAY. ANDIT WAS SPECTACULAR BECAUSE 292 00:19:55,327 --> 00:19:58,864 WE WERE HAVING PEOPLE, "I'M LISTENING IN PATAGONIA. 293 00:19:58,931 --> 00:20:03,535 I'M LISTENING IN ST. PETS BURG. I GOT UP AT 4:00 IN THE MORNING 294 00:20:03,602 --> 00:20:07,706 IN TOKYO." IT'S NOT THE SORT OF THING THAT 295 00:20:07,773 --> 00:20:10,075 BECOMES A VIRAL SENITATION, BUT IT WAS TREMENDOUS FUND. 296 00:20:10,142 --> 00:20:12,945 IF I MAY BE SENTIMENTAL TO SOME PEOPLE OR AT LEAST A REAL 297 00:20:13,011 --> 00:20:17,015 EMOTIONAL MOMENT, IT'S A YEAR NEXT WEEK SINCE I LOST MY MOM, 298 00:20:17,082 --> 00:20:20,085 AND SHE WAS A GRAMAPHONE RECORD ASSISTANT. 299 00:20:20,152 --> 00:20:21,987 >> Stephen: A GRAMAPHONE RECORD. 300 00:20:22,054 --> 00:20:23,488 >> KEEP UP, STEPHEN. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT. 301 00:20:23,555 --> 00:20:26,959 >> Stephen: THAT'S A HIGHLY TECHNICAL JOB. 302 00:20:27,025 --> 00:20:29,094 WHAT DID A GRAMAPHONE ASSISTANT DO? 303 00:20:29,161 --> 00:20:31,797 >> WELL, PLAYS RECORDS -- >> Stephen: ASSISTED PLAYING 304 00:20:31,863 --> 00:20:34,199 RECORDS. >> YEAH, ACTUALLY, PHYSICALLY 305 00:20:34,266 --> 00:20:37,970 PUT THEM ON WITH THE NEEDLE. SO, REALLY, I GOT MY LESSON -- 306 00:20:38,036 --> 00:20:40,739 >> Stephen: FOR WHOM? WHO DID SHE DO THAT FOR? 307 00:20:40,806 --> 00:20:43,809 >> FOR CUSTOMERS WHO CAME INTO THE SHOP. 308 00:20:43,875 --> 00:20:47,379 WE'RE TALKING WAY BACK, 1943. SHE WAS 14 YEARS OLD. 309 00:20:47,446 --> 00:20:50,749 SHE DID THAT JOB UNTIL I WAS A YOUNG BOY AND TOOK CARE OF ME 310 00:20:50,816 --> 00:20:53,819 AND THAT WAS, BELIEVE ME, A HAND FULL ALWAYS. 311 00:20:53,885 --> 00:20:56,521 THAT WAS A DIFFICULT, FULL -TIME JOB. 312 00:20:56,588 --> 00:20:59,358 BUT I THOUGHT WHEN SOMEBODY PASSES-- AND SHE WAS 93. 313 00:20:59,424 --> 00:21:02,127 SO SHE HAD A WONDERFUL LIFE-- WHAT IS BETTER THAN PLAYING 314 00:21:02,194 --> 00:21:03,662 MUSIC? YOU HAVE SOME IRISH IN YOU, 315 00:21:03,729 --> 00:21:06,264 DON'T YOU? >> Stephen: 100%, YEAH. 316 00:21:06,331 --> 00:21:08,900 >> 100%. I HAVE-- I HAVE A SON WHO IS 317 00:21:08,967 --> 00:21:11,303 MORE IRISH THAN ME. SO THERE'S THE BEGINNING OF, YOU 318 00:21:11,370 --> 00:21:14,773 KNOW, AN IRISH TALE, TO SAY THE LEAST. 319 00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:19,811 TRY TO WORK THAT ONE OUT. BUT, YOU KNOW, I HAD A WAKE, 320 00:21:19,878 --> 00:21:23,782 REALLY, BASICALLY. BUT I DIDN'T PLAY ANY SAD MUSIC. 321 00:21:23,849 --> 00:21:26,952 I PLAYED JOYFUL ROCK 'N' ROLL WITH THE IMPOSTERS, PLAYED SOME 322 00:21:27,019 --> 00:21:29,588 RECORDS I WANT TO HEAR. AND I HAVE TO CONFESS-- I DID 323 00:21:29,655 --> 00:21:32,157 MANAGE TO SPIN FREDDIE KING AT 45, AN ALBUM. 324 00:21:32,224 --> 00:21:35,460 I WENT, WOW, FREDDIE KING IS REALLY BURNING IT UP ON THE 325 00:21:35,527 --> 00:21:38,597 BOARD HERE. AND I REALIZED IT WAS AN ALBUM I 326 00:21:38,664 --> 00:21:42,668 WAS PLAYING AT 45 R.P.M.s. BUT IT MADE IT SEEM LIKE REAL, 327 00:21:42,734 --> 00:21:44,102 RIGHT. I MEAN, THAT'S WHEN PEOPLE KNEW 328 00:21:44,169 --> 00:21:48,573 I WAS REALLY ON THE AIR, RIGHT, IF I MADE A MISTAKE. 329 00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:50,842 WHICH OF COURSE, YOU KNOW, WATCHING THIS SHOW, STEPHEN 330 00:21:50,909 --> 00:21:53,045 NEVER DOES MAKE MISTAKES. ( LAUGHTER ). 331 00:21:53,111 --> 00:21:55,781 SOMEHOW... >> YEAH. 332 00:21:55,847 --> 00:21:59,384 ( APPLAUSE ). THINGS. 333 00:21:59,451 --> 00:22:02,287 >> Stephen: SPEAKING OF MOMS, I DON'T KNOW IF I WROTE YOU 334 00:22:02,354 --> 00:22:05,090 AFTER I HEARD YOUR MOTHER PASSED, BUT I CERTAINLY THOUGHT 335 00:22:05,157 --> 00:22:06,892 ABOUT YOU A LOT AFTER THAT HAPPENED. 336 00:22:06,958 --> 00:22:08,393 >> THANK YOU, THANK YOU. >> Stephen: BECAUSE YOU WERE 337 00:22:08,460 --> 00:22:12,464 SO HELPFUL TO ME IN A WAY YOU DON'T KNOW WHEN MY MOTHER 338 00:22:12,531 --> 00:22:14,933 PASSED. MY MOTHER DIED AT 92, AND 339 00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:17,903 SHORTLY BEFORE SHE DIED, WE WERE ALL-- YOU KNOW, A LOT OF KID. 340 00:22:17,969 --> 00:22:21,673 WE WERE DOWN THERE BASICALLY KIND OF LIKE LOVING HER, 341 00:22:21,740 --> 00:22:24,543 BRUSHING HER HAIR, GIVING HER ICE CHIPS, TRYING TO MAKE HER 342 00:22:24,609 --> 00:22:26,778 COMFORTABLE. AND MY SISTER, MARGOT, HAS JUST 343 00:22:26,845 --> 00:22:32,150 A VOICE OF AN ANGEL, WAS OVER ON THE OTHER SIDE OF HER ONE DAY, 344 00:22:32,217 --> 00:22:36,221 WHILE SHE WAS BRUSHING HER HAIR AND I WAS GIVING MY MOM ICE 345 00:22:36,288 --> 00:22:39,524 CHIPS AND MY SISTER MARGOT STARTED SINGING, "ALL WE HAVE TO 346 00:22:39,591 --> 00:22:43,595 DO IS DREAM," BY THE EVERLY BROTHERS. 347 00:22:43,662 --> 00:22:45,931 >> AND WE SANG THAT TOGETHER. >> Stephen: IT WAS ABOUT A 348 00:22:45,997 --> 00:22:50,602 MONTH BEFORE SHE DIED WE SANG IT TOGETHER AND I KNEW THE HARMONY. 349 00:22:50,669 --> 00:22:54,740 AND I HARMONIZED WITH MY SISTER FOR MY MOTHER. 350 00:22:54,806 --> 00:22:57,008 AND SHE WAS DASLED, "IS THIS ALREADY HEAVEN BECAUSE MY 351 00:22:57,075 --> 00:22:59,478 CHILDREN ARE SINGING TO ME." AND I OWE THAT TO YOU, THAT 352 00:22:59,544 --> 00:23:02,981 MOMENT OF JOY MY MOTHER HAD IN THAT MOMENT IS BECAUSE YOU 353 00:23:03,048 --> 00:23:05,450 INSISTED I LEARN THE HARMONY TO THAT SONG. 354 00:23:05,517 --> 00:23:08,854 >> I'M VERY GLAD WE DID THAT. >> Stephen: I'M TRULY 355 00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:14,159 GRATEFUL. >> THANK YOU, THAN THANK YOU. 356 00:23:14,226 --> 00:23:18,096 ( APPLAUSE ) ALL HAVE TO FACE IS SOME PEOPLE 357 00:23:18,163 --> 00:23:23,568 HAVEN'T HAD THAT ABILITY TO SAY GOOD-BYE IN A CLOSE WAY LIKE 358 00:23:23,635 --> 00:23:25,737 THAT. AND, YOU KNOW, I'VE COME TO-- 359 00:23:25,804 --> 00:23:29,941 WHEN THE CRISIS CAME FOR MY MOM AT THE END, I WAS IN VANCOUVER, 360 00:23:30,008 --> 00:23:34,346 WHERE I HAD RETREATED WHEN KNOW-- I WAS LITERALLY PULLED 361 00:23:34,412 --> 00:23:35,781 OFF THE STAGE. THEY GOT THE HOOK. 362 00:23:35,847 --> 00:23:39,618 I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF A SHOW AND THEY SAID, "YOU CAN'T GO 363 00:23:39,684 --> 00:23:42,888 ON." I SAID, "THE MUSIC'S NOT THAT 364 00:23:42,954 --> 00:23:44,990 BAD." "NO, REALLY, THERE'S A WORLD 365 00:23:45,056 --> 00:23:47,793 CRISIS APPROACHING." DAYS LATER I WAS HOME WITH THE 366 00:23:47,859 --> 00:23:51,163 FAMILY ON VANCOUVER ISLAND AND THAT'S WHERE WE STAYED FOR A 367 00:23:51,229 --> 00:23:54,800 WHILE AND IN THAT TIME, UNFORTUNATELY, MY MOM PASSED. 368 00:23:54,866 --> 00:24:00,272 AND LIKE A LOT OF PEOPLE, WE HAD THE VIRTUAL FUNERAL. 369 00:24:00,338 --> 00:24:02,974 AND THANKS TO MY FRIENDS AND ALL OF THE PEOPLE WHO HELPED ME DO 370 00:24:03,041 --> 00:24:06,111 TI GOT TO PLAY SOME MUSIC AND TALK ABOUT WHAT I JUST SAID. 371 00:24:06,178 --> 00:24:09,414 I AM GLAD THAT WE CAN BOTH SHARE THAT, YOU KNOW, THAT MOMENT. 372 00:24:09,481 --> 00:24:16,922 AND THANK YOU FOR LISTENING TO THAT. 373 00:24:16,988 --> 00:24:17,923 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A 374 00:24:17,989 --> 00:24:20,425 QUICK BREAK. WHEN WE COME BACK, I WILL ASK 375 00:24:20,492 --> 00:24:24,029 ELVIS ABOUT THE PREMIERE OF "GET BAK," AND WHAT WAS LIKE TO 376 00:24:24,095 --> 00:24:25,897 COLLABORATE WITH PAUL McCARTNEY. 377 00:24:25,964 --> 00:24:26,965 STICK AROUND. ♪ ♪ ♪ 378 00:24:39,010 --> 00:24:39,945 BE. THIS MOMENT IS WHY. 379 00:24:40,011 --> 00:24:42,948 HEY, EVERYBODY. WE'RE BACK HERE WITH ELVIS 380 00:24:43,014 --> 00:24:46,918 COSTELLO. YOU AND YOUR LOVELY AND TALENTED 381 00:24:46,985 --> 00:24:50,922 WIFE WENT TO THE LONDON PREMIERE OF "GET BACK" WHICH FOR PEOPLE 382 00:24:50,989 --> 00:24:54,359 WHO HAVE NOT SEEN IT-- >> I HAVE NOT HEARD YOU MENTION 383 00:24:54,426 --> 00:24:55,961 IT THAT. HAVE YOU SEEN IT, STEPHEN? 384 00:24:56,027 --> 00:24:58,496 I HAVE NOT HEARD YOU MENTION THAT? 385 00:24:58,563 --> 00:25:00,298 >> Stephen: I'M SLIGHTLY OBSESSED. 386 00:25:00,365 --> 00:25:04,436 A LITTLE BIT. WHAT WAS IT LIKE TO BE THERE? 387 00:25:04,502 --> 00:25:09,140 LIKE, McCARTNEY WAS THERE. >> PAUL McCARTNEY WAS-- HE 388 00:25:09,207 --> 00:25:11,877 ACTUALLY INTRODUCED THE FILM. AND I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU, YOU 389 00:25:11,943 --> 00:25:17,482 KNOW, MOST OF THE OF US THAT HAVE WATCHED IT, HAVE SEEN IT ON 390 00:25:17,549 --> 00:25:20,919 DISNEY, WHATEVER THAT IS. AND, YOU KNOW, IT'S ON A 391 00:25:20,986 --> 00:25:22,854 RELATIVELY SMALL SCREEN, OR WHATEVER SIZE YOUR TV IS. 392 00:25:22,921 --> 00:25:26,291 THIS WAS IN AN IMAX THEATER IN THE CENTER OF LONDON. 393 00:25:26,358 --> 00:25:29,060 >> Stephen: WOW! >> SO, YOU KNOW, THIS WAS SOME 394 00:25:29,127 --> 00:25:33,465 VERY BIG RINGO. THIS WAS, LIKE RIPPINGO MAX UP 395 00:25:33,531 --> 00:25:34,633 THERE. >> Stephen:URE SURE, SURE. 396 00:25:34,699 --> 00:25:38,403 >> AND PETER JACKSON. IT WAS A SORT OF EDITED VERSION 397 00:25:38,470 --> 00:25:41,439 FOR THE SCREEN. SO PETER JACKSON SPOKE ABOUT THE 398 00:25:41,506 --> 00:25:45,010 PROCESS OF EDITING AND RESTORING THE FILM. 399 00:25:45,076 --> 00:25:50,315 I DID NOTICE HE WAS HOLDING A DIFFERENT BEATLE GUITAR EVERY 400 00:25:50,382 --> 00:25:54,152 TIME THEY CUT TO HIM. HE WOULD BE HOLDING A BASS LIKE 401 00:25:54,219 --> 00:25:56,054 PAUL PLAYED -- >> Stephen: JACKSON WOULD. 402 00:25:56,121 --> 00:26:01,526 >> YES, AND HE EXPLAINED IT, AND WE WATCHED ONE OF THE DAYS OF 403 00:26:01,593 --> 00:26:05,030 THE FOOTAGE. AND MOST OF THE ROOFTOP CONCERT. 404 00:26:05,096 --> 00:26:07,999 SO IT WAS PRETTY THRILLING. THE THING, HONESTLY, THOUGH, WE 405 00:26:08,066 --> 00:26:13,104 HAD THE GOOD FORTUNE TO GO AFTER THE SCREENING TO THE PARTY, AND 406 00:26:13,171 --> 00:26:18,910 I -- YOU KNOW, THE ONE THING THEY NOTICED AT THE PARTY WERE, 407 00:26:18,977 --> 00:26:26,184 OF COURSE, PAUL'S DAUGHTER, MARY, AND DANNY HARRISON, 408 00:26:26,251 --> 00:26:28,954 GEORGE'S SON, AND THE SON OF GEORGE MARTIN. 409 00:26:29,020 --> 00:26:32,924 AND I THOUGHT HOW VERY BEAUTIFUL FOR THEM TO SEE THEIR PARENTS AS 410 00:26:32,991 --> 00:26:37,128 YOUNG PEOPLE, INCLUDING THE BEATLES, YOU KNOW, WHO-- I WAS, 411 00:26:37,195 --> 00:26:38,897 LIKE, NINE YEARS OLD WHEN THE BEATLES HIT. 412 00:26:38,964 --> 00:26:44,636 I WAS IN THEIR FAN CLUB. FOR ME IT WAS VERY STRANGE TO BE 413 00:26:44,703 --> 00:26:47,238 AT A PARTY WITH PAUL McCARTNEY AND HIS FAMILY OBSERVING THAT. 414 00:26:47,305 --> 00:26:53,812 >> Stephen: HOW WEIRD MUST IT BE FOR YOU, BECAUSE YOU HAVE 415 00:26:53,878 --> 00:26:55,780 WRITTEN WITH PAUL. SEEING THE WAY HE'S 416 00:26:55,847 --> 00:26:57,615 COLLABORATING WITH JOHN, HOW MUCH THEY LOVE EACH OTHER. 417 00:26:57,682 --> 00:27:00,785 WHAT A LOVE STORY THAT IS. WHAT'S IT LIKE TO WRITE WITH HIM 418 00:27:00,852 --> 00:27:02,554 AS SOMEONE WHO HAS BEEN A FAN YOUR WHOLE LIFE? 419 00:27:02,620 --> 00:27:06,825 >> THE ONE THING I HAD TO KEEP IN MY MIND IS I WAS ME, AND HE 420 00:27:06,891 --> 00:27:11,296 ASKED ME-- HE DIDN'T WANT ME TO TURN UP IN SHORT TROUSERS AND 421 00:27:11,363 --> 00:27:15,700 TALK ABOUT BEING A FAN OF THE BEATLES WHEN I WAS A LITTLE KIT 422 00:27:15,767 --> 00:27:18,603 KID. HE WANTED ME TO BE 33-- OR 423 00:27:18,670 --> 00:27:20,638 WHATEVER AGE IT WAS-- WHEN WE WROTE THESE 15 SONGS. 424 00:27:20,705 --> 00:27:25,810 AND HE WAS VERY GENEROUS, HE SAT ACROSS FROM ME AND WE PLAYED 425 00:27:25,877 --> 00:27:28,179 MUSIC. I DARE SAY THERE WAS SOME 426 00:27:28,246 --> 00:27:31,816 SIMILARITIES THE WAY WE WROTE THE SONGS BUT WE DIDN'T WRITE "I 427 00:27:31,883 --> 00:27:35,920 WANT TO HOLD YOUR HAND." THOSE GUYS WERE TEENAGED FRIENDS 428 00:27:35,987 --> 00:27:38,723 WHO WENT TO OUTER SPACE ON A MISSION THAT WE ALL GET TO SEE 429 00:27:38,790 --> 00:27:40,925 THE END OF IN "GET BACK." FOR ME, I WAS SOMEBODY LUCKY 430 00:27:40,992 --> 00:27:45,296 ENOUGH TO WORK WITH PAUL. I MET THAT FAMILY WHEN HIS SON 431 00:27:45,363 --> 00:27:49,934 RAN INTO MY STUDIO, IN 1982, PURSUED BY HIS ELDER SISTER, 432 00:27:50,001 --> 00:27:55,006 PURSUED BY HIS ELDER ELDER SISTER, AND MOTHER, JUST LIKE 433 00:27:55,073 --> 00:27:59,310 ANY KID. AND I WAS LIKE WHO IS THAT 434 00:27:59,377 --> 00:28:03,281 LITTLE BLOND KID. THAT'S JAMES McCARTNEY, THAT'S 435 00:28:03,348 --> 00:28:05,884 STELLA McCARTNEY, AND THIS IS LINDA McCARTNEY. 436 00:28:05,950 --> 00:28:10,388 THAT WAS A VERY BIZARRE MOMENT, BUT I WAS 26, 27 WHEN THAT 437 00:28:10,455 --> 00:28:12,090 HAPPENED. SO I'M NOT 26 NOW. 438 00:28:12,157 --> 00:28:15,427 I'M 36. ( LAUGHTER ) 439 00:28:15,493 --> 00:28:17,062 GREAT. YOU LOOK GREAT. 440 00:28:17,128 --> 00:28:19,697 >> IT WAS A REALLY WONDERFUL THING I HAVE TO SAY. 441 00:28:19,764 --> 00:28:22,700 >> Stephen: SPEAKING OF THE CREATIVE PROCESS AND HOW 442 00:28:22,767 --> 00:28:28,273 MUSICIANS WORK, THERE WERE A LOT OF PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO WERE 443 00:28:28,339 --> 00:28:34,412 SAYING, WHO WERE SPECULATING OLIVIA RODRIGO ON HER SONG 444 00:28:34,479 --> 00:28:37,115 "BRUTAL" WAS LIFTING PART OF "PUMP IT UP," YOUR SONG. 445 00:28:37,182 --> 00:28:39,818 AND THIS WAS-- YOU KNOW, THIS WAS SPECULATE ONLINE. 446 00:28:39,884 --> 00:28:44,222 AND YOU SAID VERY GENEROUSLY, "THIS IS FINE BY ME, BILLY. 447 00:28:44,289 --> 00:28:47,459 IT'S HOW ROCK 'N' ROLL WORKS. YOU TAKE THE BROKEN PIECES OF 448 00:28:47,525 --> 00:28:50,395 ANOTHER THRILL AND MAKE A BRAND NEW TOY. 449 00:28:50,462 --> 00:28:52,197 THAT'S WHAT I DID." >> YEAH. 450 00:28:52,263 --> 00:28:59,838 BY THE WAY-- ( APPLAUSE ) 451 00:28:59,904 --> 00:29:05,677 CONFUSED. WHEN I SAID "BILLY" I THOUGHT I 452 00:29:05,743 --> 00:29:08,113 WAS SPEAKING TO BILLIE EILISH. AND I THOUGHT THERE'S A POUND 453 00:29:08,179 --> 00:29:12,684 NOTE IN THIS. OBVIOUSLY, THIS WAS SOMEBODY WHO 454 00:29:12,750 --> 00:29:14,752 WROTE INDIGNANTLY ONLINE, AND I DON'T OFTEN WRITE BACK, BUT 455 00:29:14,819 --> 00:29:20,892 THERE THIS CASE I DID, AND THE NEXT THING I KNEW IT WAS IN THE 456 00:29:20,959 --> 00:29:23,328 NEWSPAPER PURPOSE DO THEY STILL HAVE NEWSPAPERS, I DON'T KNOW. 457 00:29:23,394 --> 00:29:27,966 >> Stephen: THEY DO, YET. >> I DID THINK IT WAS A LITTLE 458 00:29:28,032 --> 00:29:32,070 SILLY BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY MY SONG "PUMP IT UP" WAS, I DON'T THINK 459 00:29:32,137 --> 00:29:41,112 YOU WOULD HAVE TO BE A JEANEROUS TO KNOW I HEARD-- BOB HAD HEARD 460 00:29:41,179 --> 00:29:45,850 CHUCK BERRY'S "TOO MUCH MORNINGY BUSINESS" AND THERE ARE SONGS IN 461 00:29:45,917 --> 00:29:49,921 BETWEEN AND SINCE THAT HAVE ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW, TAKEN THAT 462 00:29:49,988 --> 00:29:54,526 DELIVERY OF QUICK WORDS OVER A SIMPLE RIFF, AND THAT'S KIND OF 463 00:29:54,592 --> 00:29:56,961 HOW ROCK 'N' ROLL DOES WORK. >> Stephen: IS THERE AN ARTIST 464 00:29:57,028 --> 00:30:01,599 WO YOU PERHAPS HAVE GIVEN TRIBUTE TO THE MOST IN YOUR 465 00:30:01,666 --> 00:30:03,535 WORK? >> I DON'T KNOW WHETHER THERE'S 466 00:30:03,601 --> 00:30:08,940 ONE, BUT IT ALL GETS WRAPPED UP. AND THAT'S WHAT YOU HOPE TO DO. 467 00:30:09,007 --> 00:30:11,142 >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK. 468 00:30:11,209 --> 00:30:13,211 STICK AROUND AND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH ELVIS COSTELLO, 469 00:30:36,034 --> 00:30:41,206 WE'RE BACK WITH ELVIS COSTELLO. YOU HAVE AN AUDIBLE BOOK HERE, 470 00:30:41,272 --> 00:30:46,578 AN AUDIO BOOK. "HOW TO PLAY THE GUITAR AND 471 00:30:46,644 --> 00:30:48,613 WHY." IT'S AVAILABLE ON AUDIBLE RIGHT 472 00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:49,981 NOW. I'LL START WITH WHY. 473 00:30:50,048 --> 00:30:52,283 WHY PLAY THE GUITAR, ELVIS COSTELLO? 474 00:30:52,350 --> 00:30:55,987 >> THE KEY WORD IN THIS TITLE IS "PLAY," IS "PLAY." 475 00:30:56,054 --> 00:30:59,190 BUT NOT PLAY AS IN A SERIOUS THING. 476 00:30:59,257 --> 00:31:04,462 I'M NOT-- YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED I'M NOT A CONCERT PIANIST. 477 00:31:04,529 --> 00:31:11,936 I'M A GUITAR PLAYER THAT KNOWS A HANDFUL OF CHORDS SOME GOT A BIT 478 00:31:12,003 --> 00:31:15,440 MORE COMPLICATED, I'LL ADMIT. I HAD TO STUMBLE AROUND ON THE 479 00:31:15,506 --> 00:31:20,945 GUITAR. NOW, HERE'S THE THEORY I HAVE: 480 00:31:21,012 --> 00:31:25,383 ANYBODY WHO HAS EVER PLAYED THE GUITAR IN "C," WHICH I KNOW I'VE 481 00:31:25,450 --> 00:31:28,953 SEEN YOU DO-- ENCOUNTERS A MECHANICALLY NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE 482 00:31:29,020 --> 00:31:33,091 CHORD, THE CHORD OF "F," THE NEXT ONE YOU'RE LIKELY TO 483 00:31:33,157 --> 00:31:34,659 ENCOUNTER. AND MANY PEOPLE IN THE HUMAN 484 00:31:34,726 --> 00:31:39,964 RACE HOLD THE GUITAR AGAINST THE WALL, SMASH IT, AND THEN GO ON A 485 00:31:40,031 --> 00:31:41,232 MURDEREROUS RAMPAGE THROUGH LIFE. 486 00:31:41,299 --> 00:31:45,603 WHICH IS WHY WE HAVE DICTATORS AND CERTAIN TYPES OF SADISTIC 487 00:31:45,670 --> 00:31:50,475 KIND OF CHIROPRACTOR, AND, YOU KNOW, MURDERERS. 488 00:31:50,541 --> 00:31:53,745 THEY'RE ALL EXGUITAR PLAYERS THAT ARE FRUSTRATED. 489 00:31:53,811 --> 00:31:57,382 I THOUGHT IF I COULD SHOW PEOPLE HOW FOOLISH YOU HAVE TO FEEL 490 00:31:57,448 --> 00:32:01,753 BEFORE YOU LEARN THE FEW CHORDS THAT CAN UNLOCK A SIMPLE 491 00:32:01,819 --> 00:32:08,559 THREE-CHORD, FOUR-CHORD VONG-- ONCE YOU LEARN 4 CHORDZ YOU CAN 492 00:32:08,626 --> 00:32:11,996 PLAY ABOUT 1,000 SONGS. ONCE YOU DO THAT, YOU CAN SAY 493 00:32:12,063 --> 00:32:15,733 I'LL SHOW OFF IN FRONT OF MY FRIENDS OR SERENADE MY TRUE LOVE 494 00:32:15,800 --> 00:32:19,003 OR WRITE A SYMPHONY, AS YOU OF I KNOW YOU HAVE DONE. 495 00:32:19,070 --> 00:32:21,139 YOU MIGHT WANT TO LEARN ALL THE CHORDS. 496 00:32:21,205 --> 00:32:23,441 >> Stephen: I NEVER GOT THAT "F" BAR CHORD. 497 00:32:23,508 --> 00:32:27,312 I NEVER GOT THE "F" BAR CHORD. >> PLAY LIKE A CHILD, ACT LIKE A 498 00:32:27,378 --> 00:32:28,613 CHILD. >> Stephen: SAY THAT AGAIN. 499 00:32:28,680 --> 00:32:32,984 >> PLAY LIKE A CHILD, PLAY AS A CHILD DOES, WITH JOY, AND KEEP 500 00:32:33,051 --> 00:32:36,888 THE INNER IDIOT ALIVE. >> Stephen: WELL, I'M IN FAVOR 501 00:32:36,954 --> 00:32:38,056 OF THAT. ( APPLAUSE ) 502 00:32:38,122 --> 00:32:44,462 ONLY TO BE A FOOL WHILE SPRING IS IN THE WORLD. 503 00:32:44,529 --> 00:32:50,168 SPEAKING OF THE CHILD, THE NEW ALBUM IS CALLED "THE BOY NAMED 504 00:32:50,234 --> 00:32:53,104 IF." WHO IS THE BOY NAMED IF? 505 00:32:53,171 --> 00:32:56,974 >> IT'S LIKE YOUR IMAGINARY FRIEND, WHICH A CHARMING 506 00:32:57,041 --> 00:32:59,210 INVENTION CHILDREN MAKE WHEN THEY'RE SEVEN FOR HAVING BROKEN 507 00:32:59,277 --> 00:33:00,878 A CUP. "OH, IT WASN'T ME. 508 00:33:00,945 --> 00:33:04,282 IT WAS JIMMY." SOME IMAGINARY FRIEND. 509 00:33:04,349 --> 00:33:08,753 OR CHARLIE OR HORACE. AND THEN WHEN YOU GET A LITTLE 510 00:33:08,820 --> 00:33:13,091 OLDER, YOU START SAYING, "WELL, I HAD TO STAY OUT TILL 3:00 A.M. 511 00:33:13,157 --> 00:33:16,094 I HAD TO, YOU KNOW. I HAD TO SLEEP WITH HER BECAUSE 512 00:33:16,160 --> 00:33:18,863 SHE MADE ME. IT WAS MY OTHER SIDE. 513 00:33:18,930 --> 00:33:22,433 IT'S-- IT'S THE ALIBI YOU MAKE FOR YOUR TRANSGRESSIONS. 514 00:33:22,500 --> 00:33:25,269 AND IT'S A LITTLE LESS ENDEARING. 515 00:33:25,336 --> 00:33:29,774 I THINK IT'S A LITTLE KNOW-- SO, I THOUGHT, WELL, LET'S FOLLOW 516 00:33:29,841 --> 00:33:32,210 THAT STORY. WHEN YOU HAVE THE GUITAR IN YOUR 517 00:33:32,276 --> 00:33:36,314 HAND AND THE "F" CHORD ISN'T HOLDING YOU BACK, THE SONGS TEND 518 00:33:36,381 --> 00:33:39,150 TO COME OUT OF YOU FAST AND ALL THE WORDS ARE DRAKD OUT. 519 00:33:39,217 --> 00:33:43,654 AND I HAD THESE SONGS ON THE TABLE IN THE SUMMER OF 2020. 520 00:33:43,721 --> 00:33:47,825 , AND I REALIZED THAT ONCE I'D WRITTEN THEM, THEY WERE SORT OF 521 00:33:47,892 --> 00:33:51,028 LITTLE SCENES FROM DIFFERENT TIMES IN LIFE, GETTING ALL THE 522 00:33:51,095 --> 00:33:56,267 WAY TO BEING A WRETCHED OLD SCOUNDREL LOOKING BACK AT YOUR 523 00:33:56,334 --> 00:33:57,769 SINFUL THINGS. >> Stephen: YOU ALSO HAVE A 524 00:33:57,835 --> 00:34:00,004 BOOK OF REALLY, REALLY, SHORT STORIES. 525 00:34:00,071 --> 00:34:02,240 >> REALLY SHORT. >> Stephen: ONE, TWO-PAGE 526 00:34:02,306 --> 00:34:08,713 STORIES TO GO WITH IT, ALSO CALLED "A BOY NAMED IF: 13 SONGS 527 00:34:08,780 --> 00:34:11,082 AND 13 FABLES." WHICH CAME FIRST? 528 00:34:11,149 --> 00:34:13,584 DID THE STORY COME FIRST? >> NO THE SONGS. 529 00:34:13,651 --> 00:34:15,453 THIS RECORD ALBUM IS WHAT I REALLY LOVE. 530 00:34:15,520 --> 00:34:18,189 THAT WOULD BE MY WAY OF LISTENING IF IT WERE MY CHOICE. 531 00:34:18,256 --> 00:34:21,759 IT'S GREAT YOU CAN GET ALL THE MUSIC INSTANTANEOUSLY, CARRY IT 532 00:34:21,826 --> 00:34:26,564 AROUND WITH YOU, ALL THAT STUFF. YOU GET TO ENJOY ALL OF IT. 533 00:34:26,631 --> 00:34:30,301 YOU COULD GET A SET. >> Stephen: BUT A DOUBLE ALBUM 534 00:34:30,368 --> 00:34:32,403 IS THE BEST. >> THEY HAVE TO SPLIT IT FOR THE 535 00:34:32,470 --> 00:34:35,807 SOUND OVER TWO DISKS WILL. IT'S A SINGLE RECORD, 13 SONGS. 536 00:34:35,873 --> 00:34:39,010 THEY TOLD ME ORIGINALLY THERE WAS A SHORTAGE OF VINYL AND I 537 00:34:39,076 --> 00:34:42,880 WAS THINKING OF ASKING IF THEY COULD PRESS IS ON SHELLAC. 538 00:34:42,947 --> 00:34:45,116 >> Stephen: LIKE THE OLD ALBUMS. 539 00:34:45,183 --> 00:34:49,587 >> BUT SHELLAC IS MADE OF BEETLES AND WE DON'T WANT TO 540 00:34:49,654 --> 00:34:52,356 KILL THAT MANY BEETLES TO MAKE MY RECORD ALBUM. 541 00:34:52,423 --> 00:34:55,593 >> Stephen: AND HIGHLY FLAMMABLE. 542 00:34:55,660 --> 00:34:59,564 >> HIGHLY FLAMMABLE, THOSE BEETLES, DOUBLY, AND I THOUGHT 543 00:34:59,630 --> 00:35:02,800 WHAT WOULD BE BETTER THAN THAT, MAYBE A STORYBOOK. 544 00:35:02,867 --> 00:35:06,537 THEY ARE SORT OF LIKE CHILDREN'S STORIES FOR GROWN -UPS. 545 00:35:06,604 --> 00:35:10,741 DISOME SCRIBBLING DRAWINGS AND CARTOONS AND DID AN ILLUSTRATED 546 00:35:10,808 --> 00:35:13,778 STORYBOOK IS WHAT IT IS. IT'S LIKE A CHILDREN'S STORYBOOK 547 00:35:13,845 --> 00:35:15,880 FOR ADULTS. >> Stephen: YOU'RE GOING TO DO 548 00:35:15,947 --> 00:35:19,250 A SONG. WHICH ONE ARE WE HEARD? 549 00:35:19,317 --> 00:35:24,689 >> I THINK WE'RE GOING TO PLAY "MAGNIFICENT HERD," WHICH IS 550 00:35:24,755 --> 00:35:28,826 ABOUT THE ROLLER COASTER OF LOVE, AND YOU CAN SORT OF-- IT 551 00:35:28,893 --> 00:35:32,129 CAN ALMOST HURT YOU WHEN YOU WANT SOMETHING SO BADLY. 552 00:35:32,196 --> 00:35:34,465 YOU MUST HAVE HAD THAT FEELING, HAVEN'T YOU? 553 00:35:34,532 --> 00:35:38,069 I THINK UP THERE IN THE BALCONY. DEFINITELY. 554 00:35:38,135 --> 00:35:41,772 YOU WANT SOMEBODY SO MUCH IT ACTUALLY IS THAT LITTLE BIT OF A 555 00:35:41,839 --> 00:35:48,145 TWIST OF THE KNIFE. SO, YOU KNOW, THAT'S WHAT IT IS. 556 00:35:48,212 --> 00:35:51,282 >> Stephen: "THE ALBUM IS "THE BOY NAMED IF." 557 00:35:51,349 --> 00:35:54,952 THERE IS ALSO A BOOK OF THE SAME NAME. 558 00:35:55,019 --> 00:35:56,020 STICK AROUND FOR A PERFORMANCE BY ELVIS COSTELLO AND THE 559 00:35:57,388 --> 00:35:58,389 IMPOSTERS. ELVIS COSTELLO, EVERYBODY! 560 00:36:26,984 --> 00:36:28,219 >> Stephen: AND NOW, PERFORMING "MAGNIFICENT HURT" FROM THEIR 561 00:36:28,286 --> 00:36:33,925 ALBUM, "THE BOY NAMED IF," ELVIS COSTELLO AND THE IMPOSTERS. 562 00:36:33,991 --> 00:36:41,732 ( APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪ 563 00:36:41,799 --> 00:36:47,939 ♪ AFTER TALKING IN TONGUES I BEGAN TO PREACH 564 00:36:48,005 --> 00:36:53,177 ♪ WHAT FALLS FROM THE BRANCH ISN'T APPLE OR PEACH 565 00:36:53,244 --> 00:37:01,185 ♪ HOLD ON TO ME THERE'S A RED ALERT 566 00:37:01,252 --> 00:37:08,459 ♪ IT'S THE WAY YOU MAKE ME FEEL MAGNIFICENT HURT 567 00:37:08,526 --> 00:37:13,197 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ I TOOK A LITTLE WALK 568 00:37:13,264 --> 00:37:20,471 I TOOK ANOTHER STIMULANT ♪ I SHED A SINGLE TEAR 569 00:37:20,538 --> 00:37:26,477 FOR MY PREDICAMENT ♪ DON'T ACT SURPRISED 570 00:37:26,544 --> 00:37:37,188 OR INSOLENT ♪ IT'S THE WAY YOU MAKE ME FEEL 571 00:37:37,254 --> 00:37:44,495 MAGNIFICENT HURT ♪ WHEN WE FIRST MET 572 00:37:44,562 --> 00:37:48,065 I KNEW YOU WERE BEAUTIFUL ♪ YOU FIT LIKE THE SEAT OF 573 00:37:48,132 --> 00:37:56,440 A BLUE MOHAIR SUIT ♪ AND THE PAIN THAT I FELT 574 00:37:56,507 --> 00:38:02,480 LET ME KNOW I'M ALIVE ♪ AND I OPENED MY HEART 575 00:38:02,546 --> 00:38:08,486 TO THE WAY YOU MAKE ME FEEL ♪ MAGNIFICENT HURT 576 00:38:08,552 --> 00:38:17,161 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 577 00:38:17,228 --> 00:38:24,068 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 578 00:38:24,135 --> 00:38:26,203 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ I SPEAK LOW AND INTIMATE 579 00:38:26,270 --> 00:38:33,210 LIKE A CARDBOARD SOPHISTICATE ♪ WHAT IF THIS IS TRUE LOVE? 580 00:38:33,277 --> 00:38:41,185 NOT SOME TOWN HALL CERTIFICATE ♪ IT'S THE WAY YOU MAKE ME FEEL 581 00:38:41,252 --> 00:38:46,123 MAGNIFICENT HURT ♪ ♪ ♪ 582 00:38:46,190 --> 00:38:50,461 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ I STOOD AT THE DOOR 583 00:38:50,528 --> 00:38:53,064 AND I ALMOST WENT ♪ THROUGH WITH IT 584 00:38:53,130 --> 00:38:57,168 TIGHT AS THE ANGLE ♪ OF MY AMEN 585 00:38:57,234 --> 00:39:01,172 AND I SWORE ♪ THERE AND THEN 586 00:39:01,238 --> 00:39:06,744 AS I FEIGN AND I FLIRT ♪ I UNBUTTONED MY SHIRT 587 00:39:06,811 --> 00:39:19,824 TO THE WAY YOU MAKE ME FEEL ♪ MAGNIFICENT HURT 588 00:39:19,890 --> 00:39:25,162 TO THE WAY YOU MAKE ME FEEL ♪ MAGNIFICENT HURT 589 00:39:25,229 --> 00:39:29,166 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 590 00:39:29,233 --> 00:39:37,141 IT'S THE WAY YOU MAKE ME FEEL ♪ IT'S THE WAY YOU MAKE ME FEEL 591 00:39:37,208 --> 00:39:44,315 IT'S THE WAY YOU MAKE ME FEEL ♪ MAGNIFICENT ♪ 592 00:39:44,381 --> 00:39:59,263 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) PERFORMANCE FROM THEM ON 593 00:39:59,330 --> 00:40:01,532 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) PERFORMANCE FROM THEM ON 594 00:40:01,599 --> 00:40:06,871 colbertlateshow.com. ELVIS COSTELLO AND THE 595 00:40:06,937 --> 00:40:08,472 IMPOSTERS, EVERYBODY!. THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW." 596 00:40:08,539 --> 00:40:11,675 TUNE IN NEXT WEEK WHEN I'LL BE JOINED BY KRISTEN STEWART, 597 00:40:11,742 --> 00:40:14,478 MARLEE MATLIN, AND JONATHAN VAN NESS. 598 00:40:14,545 --> 00:40:16,547 GOOD NIGHT!