1
00:00:01,334 --> 00:00:04,671
FOUR ANTI VACCINE
MANDATE PROTESTERS ARRESTED JUST
OUTSIDE
2
00:00:04,738 --> 00:00:06,473
OF THE OLIVE GARDEN IN TIMES
SQUARE.
3
00:00:06,539 --> 00:00:08,641
THEY WERE THERE FOR NEARLY
TWO HOURS, EXPRESSING THEIR
4
00:00:08,708 --> 00:00:11,644
OPPOSITION TO THE CITY'S
FOLLOWING THE RESTAURANT
VACCINE
5
00:00:11,711 --> 00:00:17,317
MANDATE, AND EVEN ARGUED
WITH PATRONS AND N.Y.P.D.
OFFICERS.
6
00:00:17,384 --> 00:00:18,685
>> ARE YOU AN ANTI-VAXXER
WHO IS TIRED OF RESTAURANTS
WITH AN
7
00:00:18,752 --> 00:00:24,190
AUTHORITARIAN VACCINE
MANDATE? THEN VISIT THE
COVID GARDEN, THE
8
00:00:24,257 --> 00:00:25,191
ONLY RESTAURANT CHAIN WITH
ABSOLUTELY NO HEALTH
9
00:00:25,258 --> 00:00:30,096
REGULATIONS.
OUR EMPLOYEES NEVER WASH
THEIR
10
00:00:30,163 --> 00:00:36,703
HANDS, GUARANTEED.
ENJOY SIGNATURE COVID DISHES
11
00:00:36,770 --> 00:00:38,104
LIKE QUARANTINI ALFREDO.
ONE TASTE AND YOU'LL SAY, "I
12
00:00:38,171 --> 00:00:45,178
CAN'T TASTE ANYTHING."
ALSO ON THE MENU, SPINACH
AND
13
00:00:45,245 --> 00:00:46,913
ARTICHOKE DIPHTHERIA, FRIED
MOZZARUBELLA STICKS,
SPAGHETTI
14
00:00:46,980 --> 00:00:50,083
CARBONANTHRAX, AND CHICKEN
MALARIA.
15
00:00:50,150 --> 00:00:54,087
MMM, JUST LIKE MOMMA USED TO
CONTRACT.
16
00:00:54,154 --> 00:00:57,190
SO VISIT TODAY, AND LET OUR
CUCINA SEND YOU TO THE
17
00:00:57,257 --> 00:01:00,593
HOSPITAL-IANO.
THE COVID GARDEN: WHEN
YOU'RE
18
00:01:00,660 --> 00:01:03,563
HERE, YOU'RE FAMILY'S IN
DANGER.
19
00:01:03,630 --> 00:01:14,107
>> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE
SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
20
00:01:14,174 --> 00:01:18,111
PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES:
BRIAN COX
21
00:01:18,178 --> 00:01:22,115
AND SAMANTHA BEE
22
00:01:22,182 --> 00:01:27,187
FEATURING JON BATISTE AND
STAY HUMAN.
23
00:01:27,253 --> 00:01:30,723
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM
THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN
NEW YORK
24
00:01:30,790 --> 00:01:36,963
CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
25
00:01:37,030 --> 00:01:51,911
♪ ♪ ♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
26
00:01:51,978 --> 00:01:54,080
♪ ♪ ♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
27
00:01:54,147 --> 00:02:00,086
>> Audience: STEPHEN!
STEPHEN!
28
00:02:00,153 --> 00:02:02,088
STEPHEN!
STEPHEN!
29
00:02:02,155 --> 00:02:08,695
STEPHEN!
>> Stephen: HELLO,
EVERYBODY!
30
00:02:08,761 --> 00:02:11,798
WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW."
I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN
COLBERT.
31
00:02:11,865 --> 00:02:18,404
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: IF YOU'RE
WATCHING
32
00:02:18,471 --> 00:02:21,674
THIS SHOW RIGHT NOW, GOOD
NEWS: THE WORLD DID NOT END.
33
00:02:21,741 --> 00:02:23,977
TOUCH AND GO.
BECAUSE EARLIER TODAY, A
34
00:02:24,043 --> 00:02:26,513
LARGE POTENTIALLY HAZARDOUS
ASTEROID PASSED BY THE
EARTH.
35
00:02:26,579 --> 00:02:27,714
MAN, THE OSCAR CAMPAIGN FOR
"DON'T LOOK UP" IS OUT OF
36
00:02:27,780 --> 00:02:29,315
CONTROL.
( LAUGHTER )
37
00:02:29,382 --> 00:02:35,688
TOO FAR.
IT'S TOO MUCH.
38
00:02:35,755 --> 00:02:39,058
THE ASTEROID IS CALLED
1994 PC1.
39
00:02:39,125 --> 00:02:41,995
SO, IT LOOKS LIKE ELON MUSK
WILL HAVE TO CHOSE A
DIFFERENT NAME
40
00:02:42,061 --> 00:02:45,331
FOR HIS NEXT CHILD.
( LAUGHTER )
41
00:02:45,398 --> 00:02:49,168
BURJ KHALIFA IN DUBAI AND
MORE THAN TWICE THE SIZE OF
THE
42
00:02:49,235 --> 00:02:51,604
EMPIRE STATE BUILDING IN NEW
YORK CITY.
43
00:02:51,671 --> 00:02:54,807
OKAY, WHO COMES UP WITH
THESE SIZE COMPARISONS?
44
00:02:54,874 --> 00:02:56,809
GUYS!
I FOUND A DEATH COMET!
45
00:02:56,876 --> 00:02:59,712
DO WE WANT TO SAY IT'S THE
SIZE OF A COUPLE OF EMPIRE
STATE
46
00:02:59,779 --> 00:03:02,815
BUILDINGS?
BECAUSE IT'S REALLY MORE
LIKE
47
00:03:02,882 --> 00:03:04,083
THREE M&Ms STORES PLUS HALF
A YANKEE STADIUM.
48
00:03:04,150 --> 00:03:11,691
OR TWO COSTCOS MINUS A TAJ
MAHAL.
49
00:03:11,758 --> 00:03:13,593
OR MAYBE A ONE-TENTH OF
RHODE ISLAND, AND WE'RE
DEAD.
50
00:03:13,660 --> 00:03:16,729
AND HERE IT IS.
ALL IN ALL--
51
00:03:16,796 --> 00:03:19,332
( APPLAUSE )
AND WE'RE DEAD!
52
00:03:19,399 --> 00:03:22,835
COME ON.
THEY'RE JUST JOKING.
53
00:03:22,902 --> 00:03:24,804
THEY'RE JUST JOSHING.
WE'RE JUST JOSHING.
54
00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:29,776
OH, KEEP IT LIGHT.
ALL IN ALL, IT REALLY SOUNDS
55
00:03:29,842 --> 00:03:33,813
LIKE WE DODGED A BULLET--
UNTIL YOU LEARN THE ASTEROID
WAS
56
00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:35,982
1.2 MILLION MILES AWAY,
WHICH IS ABOUT FIVE TIMES
THE DISTANCE
57
00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:45,625
FROM THE EARTH TO THE MOON.
DAMMIT, SCIENCE THAT IS NOT
58
00:03:45,692 --> 00:03:47,527
CLOSE.
WE'RE ALREADY DEALING WITH A
59
00:03:47,594 --> 00:03:52,899
PANDEMIC, GLOBAL WARMING,
AND THE FALL OF DEMOCRACY.
60
00:03:52,966 --> 00:03:54,434
OUR PANIC DANCE CARD IS
PRETTY FULL ALREADY.
61
00:03:54,500 --> 00:03:56,936
AND SO ARE OUR PANTS.
KNOCK IT OFF.
62
00:03:57,003 --> 00:03:59,739
SPEAKING OF THINGS NOT
HAPPENING: CONGRESS.
63
00:03:59,806 --> 00:04:02,375
TODAY, SENATE DEMOCRATS
PRESSED AHEAD WITH AN EFFORT
TO PASS NEW
64
00:04:02,442 --> 00:04:03,810
VOTING RIGHTS PROTECTIONS
THROUGH CONGRESS, EVEN
THOUGH
65
00:04:03,876 --> 00:04:11,184
THE MEASURE APPEARS ALL BUT
DEAD.
66
00:04:11,250 --> 00:04:14,621
COME ONE, GUYS.
DON'T GIVE UP THE FIGHT.
67
00:04:14,687 --> 00:04:17,657
IN THE SENATE, THERE'S A LOT
OF THINGS THAT APPEAR ALL
BUT DEAD.
68
00:04:17,724 --> 00:04:18,891
NOW, DESPITE--
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
69
00:04:18,958 --> 00:04:26,833
GET BACK.
YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE.
70
00:04:26,899 --> 00:04:28,935
DESPITE HOW POPULAR THESE
BILLS ARE, THEY SEEM DOOMED,
THANKS TO
71
00:04:29,002 --> 00:04:31,704
A FILIBUSTER BY THE
REPUBLICANS IN THE SENATE.
72
00:04:31,771 --> 00:04:34,974
NOW, DEMOCRATS COULD MODIFY
THE FILIBUSTER RULES TO
EXCLUDE
73
00:04:35,041 --> 00:04:38,645
VOTING RIGHTS BILLS, BUT
THAT'S BEING BLOCKED BY
SENATORS
74
00:04:38,711 --> 00:04:43,683
KYRSTEN SINEMA AND JOE
MANCHIN ( BOOING )
75
00:04:43,750 --> 00:04:46,853
SEEN HERE CROWDING INTO AN
ELEVATOR WITH ALL OF THEIR
76
00:04:46,919 --> 00:04:48,821
FRIENDS.
( LAUGHTER )
77
00:04:48,888 --> 00:04:53,192
VOTE ANYWAY, BECAUSE THEY
SAY THEY NEED TO PUT WHO'S
FOR AND
78
00:04:53,259 --> 00:04:55,728
WHO'S AGAINST VOTING RIGHTS
ON THE RECORD.
79
00:04:55,795 --> 00:04:58,131
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
LAY THEM ON THE TABLE.
80
00:04:58,197 --> 00:05:03,670
PUT THEM ON THE TABLE.
AS SENATOR MARTIN HEINRICH
81
00:05:03,736 --> 00:05:06,839
PUT IT:
"WHETHER IT'S GOOD STRATEGY
OR
82
00:05:06,906 --> 00:05:08,474
NOT, IT'S MORE IMPORTANT FOR
THOSE PEOPLE WHOSE VOTES ARE
83
00:05:08,541 --> 00:05:11,010
BEING JEOPARDIZED.
IT'S ABSOLUTELY CRITICAL
THAT
84
00:05:11,077 --> 00:05:12,812
THEY UNDERSTAND WHO IS ON
THEIR SIDE.
85
00:05:12,879 --> 00:05:16,015
THAT'S RIGHT.
BECAUSE ONCE YOU KNOW-- ONCE
YOU
86
00:05:16,082 --> 00:05:18,584
KNOW WHICH POLITICIANS ARE
KEPING YOU FROM BEING ABLE
TO
87
00:05:18,651 --> 00:05:21,854
VOTE, YOU CAN VOTE THEM
OUT-- AND I SEE THE PROBLEM.
88
00:05:21,921 --> 00:05:24,390
I SEE THE PROBLEM.
THAT IS A TOUGHY.
89
00:05:24,457 --> 00:05:30,797
THAT IS A TOUGHY.
THAT'S A POSER, IS WHAT THAT
IS.
90
00:05:30,863 --> 00:05:32,265
PEOPLE ARE FRUSTRATED--
PEOPLE LIKE MUSICAL LEGEND
STEVIE
91
00:05:32,331 --> 00:05:36,135
WONDER, WHO RELEASED THIS
STATEMENT ON YOUTUBE:
92
00:05:36,202 --> 00:05:39,739
>> ANY SENATOR WHO CANNOT
SUPPORT THE PROTECTION OF
VOTING
93
00:05:39,806 --> 00:05:42,175
RIGHTS IN THE UNITED STATES
OF AMERICA CANNOT SAY THAT
THEY
94
00:05:42,241 --> 00:05:47,680
SUPPORT THE CONSTITUTION.
STOP THE HYPOCRISY.
95
00:05:47,747 --> 00:05:50,183
CUT THE BULL-TISH.
96
00:05:50,249 --> 00:05:52,118
>> Stephen: OH!
OH!
97
00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:57,924
DID YOU HEAR THAT?
OH,
98
00:05:57,990 --> 00:05:59,726
OH, TISH!
I WANT TO THANK STEVIE
WONDER
99
00:05:59,792 --> 00:06:03,196
FOR STANDING UP FOR
DEMOCRACY AND SWEARING IN A
WAY I CAN AIR
100
00:06:03,262 --> 00:06:05,832
ON MY CBS TELEVISION SHOW.
( APPLAUSE )
101
00:06:05,898 --> 00:06:15,675
YOU, SIR, ARE ONE BAD MUTHA
TRUCKER.
102
00:06:15,742 --> 00:06:18,811
AND, SENATORS, DO YOU KNOW
HOW HARD IT IS TO MAKE
STEVIE WONDER
103
00:06:18,878 --> 00:06:21,614
THAT ANGRY?
THE MEANEST THING HE'S EVER
SAID
104
00:06:21,681 --> 00:06:23,683
UP UNTIL NOW WAS, "YOU'RE
JUST MY PART-TIME LOVER."
105
00:06:23,750 --> 00:06:28,187
( LAUGHTER )
>> IF YOU CARE AND SUPPORT
OUR
106
00:06:28,254 --> 00:06:35,595
RIGHTS, DO THE HARD WORK.
YOU CAN'T PLEASE EVERYBODY,
BUT
107
00:06:35,661 --> 00:06:38,998
YOU CAN PROTECT ALL OF US.
TO KEEP IT ALL THE WAY REAL,
THE
108
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:42,835
FILIBUSTER IS NOT WORKING
FOR DEMOCRACY.
109
00:06:42,902 --> 00:06:46,506
WHY WON'T YOU?
>> Stephen: OOOO!
110
00:06:46,572 --> 00:06:48,841
THAT'S GOOD.
THAT'S REALLY GOOD.
111
00:06:48,908 --> 00:06:54,747
( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: THAT IS REALLY
112
00:06:54,814 --> 00:06:55,982
GOOD.
YOU TELL 'EM, STEVEN T.
WONDER.
113
00:06:56,048 --> 00:06:58,551
HE THEN SET HIS FEELINGS TO
MUSIC AND RELEASED IT ON THE
NEW
114
00:06:58,618 --> 00:06:59,719
ALBUM, "SONGS IN THE
KEY OF KUF YOU."
115
00:06:59,786 --> 00:07:12,331
FEATURING HITS LIKE:
116
00:07:12,398 --> 00:07:21,741
♪ IVORY AND IVORY ♪
LIVE TOGETHER IN PERFECT
HARMONY
117
00:07:21,808 --> 00:07:25,578
OF COURSE, THE 2022 CAMPAIGN
IS ALREADY UNDERWAY.
118
00:07:25,645 --> 00:07:30,750
DOWN IN LOUISIANA, YOUR HOME
STATE, JON,
119
00:07:30,817 --> 00:07:31,918
ONE SENATE CANDIDATE HAS A
NEW AD TALKING ABOUT
LEGALIZING
120
00:07:31,984 --> 00:07:33,953
MARIJUANA AND POINTING OUT
THE RACIAL DISPARITY IN DRUG
121
00:07:34,020 --> 00:07:35,988
ENFORCEMENT:
>> MOST OF THE PEOPLE POLICE
ARE
122
00:07:36,055 --> 00:07:39,725
ARRESTING AREN'T DEALERS,
BUT RATHER, PEOPLE WITH
SMALL
123
00:07:39,792 --> 00:07:45,464
AMOUNTS OF POT, JUST LIKE
ME. I'M GARY CHAMBERS, AND
I'M
124
00:07:45,531 --> 00:07:47,800
RUNNING FOR THE U.S. SENATE,
AND I APPROVE THIS.
125
00:07:47,867 --> 00:07:53,472
( APPLAUSE ).
WHERE HIS MOUTH IS.
126
00:07:53,539 --> 00:07:58,110
PUTTING IT OUT THERE.
HE'S GETTING HIGH IN HIS
127
00:07:58,177 --> 00:08:01,848
CAMPAIGN AD.
WE HAVEN'T SEEN A MOVE THAT
BOLD
128
00:08:01,914 --> 00:08:06,219
SINCE EISENHOWER'S PRO
-CRYSTAL METH SLOGAN, "IKE
LIKE ICE."
129
00:08:06,285 --> 00:08:09,689
( LAUGHTER )
NOW, IF HE WINS THE PRIMARY,
130
00:08:09,755 --> 00:08:13,526
CHAMBERS' REPUBLICAN
OPPONENT WOULD BE LOUISIANA
SENATOR AND
131
00:08:13,593 --> 00:08:16,195
DOG WATCHING YOU EAT A
MEATBALL, JOHN KENNEDY.
132
00:08:16,262 --> 00:08:17,697
AND IT WOULD BE QUITE A
DEBATE. LISTEN TO SOME OF
KENNEDY'S
133
00:08:17,763 --> 00:08:21,667
RECENT QUOTES:
>> GETTING RID OF THE 60
-VOTE
134
00:08:21,734 --> 00:08:26,739
THRESHOLD IN THE SENATE, IN
MY JUDGMENT, WOULD BE LIKE
GIVING
135
00:08:26,806 --> 00:08:29,041
WHISKEY AND CAR KEYS TO A
TEENAGE BOY.
136
00:08:29,108 --> 00:08:32,778
I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU,
TREY, BUT MY CAR DOES NOT
RUN OFF
137
00:08:32,845 --> 00:08:37,650
FAIRY DUST.
MY CAR DOESN'T RUN OFF
UNICORN
138
00:08:37,717 --> 00:08:40,586
URINE.
MOST AMERICANS UNDERSTAND
THAT
139
00:08:40,653 --> 00:08:44,790
TO A BEAR, WE ALL TASTE LIKE
CHICKEN.
140
00:08:44,857 --> 00:08:50,129
( LAUGHTER )
WHICH CANDIDATE IS HIGH?
141
00:08:50,196 --> 00:08:57,103
( LAUGHTER )
ONE THING-- TASTES LIKE
CHICKEN.
142
00:08:57,169 --> 00:09:06,545
TASTE LIKE CHICKEN.
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.
143
00:09:06,612 --> 00:09:08,447
ONE THING THAT IS DEFINITELY
STILL HAPPENING IS THE
PANDEMIC.
144
00:09:08,514 --> 00:09:09,682
WHILE OMICRON APPEARS TO
HAVE PEAKED HERE IN NEW
YORK, SOME
145
00:09:09,749 --> 00:09:12,385
COUNTRIES ARE JUST GETTING
STARTED, LIKE IN BEIJING,
WHERE
146
00:09:12,451 --> 00:09:13,953
THEY LOCKED DOWN AN OFFICE
BUILDING WITH WORKERS STILL
147
00:09:14,020 --> 00:09:16,188
INSIDE AFTER A SINGLE
OMICRON CASE WAS DETECTED.
148
00:09:16,255 --> 00:09:19,859
HEY, ANTI-VAXXERS
COMPLAINING ABOUT THE C.D.
C.'S COMMUNIST
149
00:09:19,926 --> 00:09:23,396
POLICIES, WHY DON'T YOU TRY
PROTESTING AT THE BEIJING
OLIVE
150
00:09:23,462 --> 00:09:25,831
GARDEN?
LET ME KNOW HOW THAT GOES.
151
00:09:25,898 --> 00:09:31,504
( LAUGHTER )
AND I'M-- A LITTLE
PERSPECTIVE.
152
00:09:31,570 --> 00:09:34,340
JUST ASKING FOR A LITTLE
PERSPECTIVE HERE.
153
00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:38,377
I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE FED UP
WITH THESE MASKHOLES.
154
00:09:38,444 --> 00:09:45,451
IN MEXICO, LEONARDO
SCHWEBEL, AN ANCHOR FOR
TELEDIARIO
155
00:09:45,518 --> 00:09:48,521
GUADALAJARA-- MEXICO'S NEWS
LEADER-- HAS HAD JUST ABOUT
156
00:09:48,587 --> 00:09:57,396
ENOUGH:
157
00:09:57,463 --> 00:10:12,345
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
158
00:10:12,411 --> 00:10:21,420
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
159
00:10:21,487 --> 00:10:26,325
THAT WHATEVER COUNTRY YOU'RE
FROM, WE ALL SPEAK THE
UNIVERSAL
160
00:10:26,392 --> 00:10:28,060
LANGUAGE OF (BLEEP) THIS
(BLEEP).
161
00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:32,498
I HOPE ALL THE ANTIVAXERS IN
MEXICO SAW THAT, ESPECIALLY
THE
162
00:10:32,565 --> 00:10:33,666
ONES WHO SAY THEY HEARD THE
VACCINE GIVES THEIR COUSIN'S
163
00:10:33,733 --> 00:10:37,803
FRIEND LOS HUEVOS GIGANTES.
( LAUGHTER )
164
00:10:37,870 --> 00:10:45,444
I HEARD THAT, YEAH.
IT'S NOT JUST PEOPLE AT RISK
FOR
165
00:10:45,511 --> 00:10:47,680
COVID.
RECENTLY, LIONS AT A ZOO IN
166
00:10:47,747 --> 00:10:49,315
SOUTH AFRICA GOT SEVERE
COVID-19 FROM ASYMPTOMATIC
ZOO HANDLERS.
167
00:10:49,382 --> 00:10:50,616
NOW, DON'T WORRY, THE LIONS
WILL BE JUST FINE.
168
00:10:50,683 --> 00:10:54,520
AFTER 10 DAYS OF ISOLATION,
THEY'LL GO BACK TO THEIR
NORMAL,
169
00:10:54,587 --> 00:10:57,423
HEALTHY ROUTINE OF TRYING TO
TAKE A NAP IN THE SHADE
WHILE
170
00:10:57,490 --> 00:11:02,028
SCHOOL KIDS THROW ICE AT
THEM. THESE ZOO INFECTIONS
RAISE
171
00:11:02,094 --> 00:11:05,698
CONCERNS ABOUT THE CREATION
OF NEW VARIANTS, BECAUSE
AFTER THE
172
00:11:05,765 --> 00:11:09,402
ANIMALS CATCH THE VIRUS, THE
DISEASE COULD MUTATE IN THEM
AND
173
00:11:09,468 --> 00:11:12,738
RE-INFECT HUMANS.
OKAY, WELL, THAT EXPLAINS
174
00:11:12,805 --> 00:11:18,277
DISNEY'S NEW UPDATE OF THE
LION KING:
175
00:11:18,344 --> 00:11:26,385
( VERY WET GROSS COUGHING )
176
00:11:26,452 --> 00:11:36,462
>> Stephen: THAT'S A-- I
BELIEVE THEY CALL THAT A
177
00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:38,297
HAKUNA MUTATA.
IN ORDER TO PREVENT THE
SPREAD
178
00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:40,666
OF COVID FROM ANIMALS BACK
TO HUMANS, RESEARCHERS ARE
179
00:11:40,733 --> 00:11:42,334
SUGGESTING MASK-WEARING, AS
WELL AS BARRIERS, SO THAT
VISITORS TO
180
00:11:42,401 --> 00:11:44,703
ZOOS CAN'T GET TOO CLOSE TO
THEM.
181
00:11:44,770 --> 00:11:45,871
THEY'VE ALSO INSTALLED SIGNS
THAT SAY, "PLEASE DON'T
TONGUE
182
00:11:45,938 --> 00:11:49,375
THE LIONS."
( LAUGHTER )
183
00:11:49,442 --> 00:11:55,114
IN HONG KONG, RIGHT.
IN HONG KONG, IT WAS
ANNOUNCED
184
00:11:55,181 --> 00:12:04,290
THAT 11 HAMPSTERS TESTED
POSITIVE FOR THE DELTA
VARIANT.
185
00:12:04,356 --> 00:12:06,325
I KNOW IT'S ADORABLE, BUT WE
HAVE TO STOP THESE UNLIKELY
186
00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:14,333
LION-HAMSTER FRIENDSHIPS.
TO KEEP THE VIRUS FROM
187
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:17,970
BETWEEN A CLOSE BRUSH WITH
AN ASTEROID, A TEETERING
DEMOCRACY,
188
00:12:18,037 --> 00:12:19,538
AND A RAGING PLAGUE, IT CAN
FEEL LIKE THE END TIMES.
189
00:12:19,605 --> 00:12:21,440
BUT IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL ANY
BETTER, SUNNYVALE, A
CALIFORNIA
190
00:12:21,507 --> 00:12:22,875
CITY, HAS BEEN OVERRUN BY
CROWS. THE GOOD NEWS IS THE
CROWS DON'T
191
00:12:22,942 --> 00:12:24,510
POSE ANY SERIOUS PUBLIC
HEALTH RISK.
192
00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:26,245
AS ONE DOCTOR EXPLAINED,
"YOU'D HAVE TO LICK ALL THE
CROW
193
00:12:26,312 --> 00:12:27,413
DROPPINGS ON A PARK BENCH TO
COME EVEN REMOTELY CLOSE TO
194
00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:30,015
CATCHING SOMETHING FROM A
CROW ROOST."
195
00:12:30,082 --> 00:12:32,051
REMIND ME NOT TO SIGN UP FOR
ANY OF THAT GUY'S STUDIES.
196
00:12:32,118 --> 00:12:36,255
( AS SCIENTIST )
OKAY, KEEP LICKING.
197
00:12:36,322 --> 00:12:40,993
HOW DO YOU FEEL?
ARE YOU SICK YET?
198
00:12:41,060 --> 00:12:45,297
LICK ANOTHER BENCH."
SO, SOY, SO--
199
00:12:45,364 --> 00:12:47,500
THE CROWS AREN'T DANGEROUS,
BUT THEY ARE A NUISANCE.
200
00:12:47,566 --> 00:12:48,534
LUCKILY, THE CITY HAS A
SECRET WEAPON: LASERS.
201
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:51,437
PEW!
PEW!
202
00:12:51,504 --> 00:12:54,340
OKAY, YOU'LL SCARE AWAY THE
CROWS, BUT THEY'LL JUST BE
203
00:12:54,406 --> 00:12:58,344
REPLACED BY THOUSANDS OF
EXCITED CATS.
204
00:12:58,410 --> 00:13:03,449
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
205
00:13:03,516 --> 00:13:08,154
A FEW CAT OWNERS HERE.
WHY LASERS?
206
00:13:08,220 --> 00:13:09,588
BECAUSE WHEN CROWS SEE A
GREEN LASER SHINING IN THE
TREES AT
207
00:13:09,655 --> 00:13:13,626
NIGHT, THEY THINK ANIMALS
ARE RUNNING OVER THE
BRANCHES, AND
208
00:13:13,692 --> 00:13:16,996
THEY FLY SOMEWHERE ELSE.
THAT SOUNDS COMPLICATED.
209
00:13:17,062 --> 00:13:21,433
IF ONLY THERE WERE SOMETHING
PEOPLE HAVE USED FOR
CENTURIES
210
00:13:21,500 --> 00:13:26,972
TO SCARE AWAY CROWS.
SOME SORT OF...
211
00:13:27,039 --> 00:13:28,707
CROW-FRIGHTENER.
A FEAR-CROW.
212
00:13:28,774 --> 00:13:31,710
SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
UGH, IF I ONLY HAD A BRAIN.
213
00:13:31,777 --> 00:13:40,986
( LAUGHTER )
YES.
214
00:13:41,053 --> 00:13:42,521
IF THE LASERS DON'T WORK,
ONE ORNITHOLOGIST SUGGESTED
THAT
215
00:13:42,588 --> 00:13:45,891
OFFICIALS AIM FIRECRACKERS
AND BOTTLE ROCKETS AT THE
BIRDS,
216
00:13:45,958 --> 00:13:49,995
WHICH WILL MAKE THEM FREAK
OUT. THAT ADVICE BROUGHT TO
YOU BY
217
00:13:50,062 --> 00:13:53,732
WORLD-RENOWNED CROW EXPERT
KYLE FROM ACROSS THE STREET.
218
00:13:53,799 --> 00:13:55,801
( LAUGHTER )
TONIGHT.
219
00:13:55,868 --> 00:13:58,971
MY GUESTS ARE BRIAN COX AND
SAMANTHA BEE.
220
00:13:59,038 --> 00:14:02,508
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK,
"MEANWHILE."
221
00:14:02,575 --> 00:14:03,409
STICK AROUND.
♪ ♪ ♪
222
00:14:44,016 --> 00:14:48,587
( APPLAUSE )
WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE
"THE !
223
00:14:48,654 --> 00:14:58,030
GIVE IT UP FOR THE BAND.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
224
00:14:58,097 --> 00:15:01,200
AUDIENCE TONIGHT, JON.
>> Jon: YES.
225
00:15:01,267 --> 00:15:03,669
>> Stephen: A LOVELY
ATTRACTIVE GROUP OF PEOPLE
OUT
226
00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:05,738
HERE IN THE AUDIENCE
TONIGHT. ( APPLAUSE ).
227
00:15:05,804 --> 00:15:11,910
>> Stephen: WE HAVE AN
AMAZING SHOW.
228
00:15:11,977 --> 00:15:15,748
COMING UP SOON FROM
"SUCCESSION" WE CAN BRIAN
COX COMING OUT.
229
00:15:15,814 --> 00:15:20,119
( APPLAUSE )
SWEETHEART, SAMANTHA BEE IS
230
00:15:20,185 --> 00:15:21,453
GOING TO BE HERE.
( APPLAUSE )
231
00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:26,925
OLD FRIEND OF THE SHOW.
FOLKS, IF YOU WATCH THE
SHOW,
232
00:15:26,992 --> 00:15:31,530
YOU KNOW SOMETIMES I'M OVER
THERE DOING THE MONOLOGUE.
233
00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:36,568
AND THEN THERE'S A
COMMERCIAL BREAK, AND THEN
I'M SITTING
234
00:15:36,635 --> 00:15:38,370
HERE.
AND I DO A REALLY LONG
235
00:15:38,437 --> 00:15:42,274
DESCRIPTION OF A DIFFERENT
SEGMENT ON THE SHOW, A
SEGMENT
236
00:15:42,341 --> 00:15:52,985
WE CALL... "MEANWHILE!"
( APPLAUSE )
237
00:15:53,052 --> 00:15:56,288
NOT TONIGHT!
FIRST TIME.
238
00:15:56,355 --> 00:16:03,062
FIRST TIME.
SORRY!
239
00:16:03,128 --> 00:16:09,702
WHAT ARE THE ODDS?
WHAT ARE THE ODDS?
240
00:16:09,768 --> 00:16:12,871
MEANWHILE, IN MUSIC VIDEO
NEWS, "BABY SHARK" IS THE
FIRST
241
00:16:12,938 --> 00:16:18,844
YouTube VIDEO TO CROSS 10
BILLION VIEWS.
242
00:16:18,911 --> 00:16:21,714
OR, AS PARENTS WITH SMALL
CHILDREN WOULD SAY, SEEMS
LOW.
243
00:16:21,780 --> 00:16:25,718
( LAUGHTER )
THE BEGINNING OF THE NFL
244
00:16:25,784 --> 00:16:29,288
PLAYOFFS, AND THE KANSAS
CITY CHIEFS BEAT THE
STEELERS.
245
00:16:29,355 --> 00:16:32,658
THE WIN COMES AS NO SURPRISE
TO FANS.
246
00:16:32,725 --> 00:16:34,360
OR, APPARENTLY, TO THE
STEELERS' QUARTERBACK, BEN
ROTHLISBERGER,
247
00:16:34,426 --> 00:16:36,895
WHO SAID THIS DAYS BEFORE
THE GAME:
248
00:16:36,962 --> 00:16:39,898
>> I WOULD ASSUME AS A GROUP
YOU UNDERSTAND THAT WE
PROBABLY
249
00:16:39,965 --> 00:16:41,700
AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE HERE.
WE'RE PROBABLY NOT A VERY
GOOD
250
00:16:41,767 --> 00:16:44,069
FOOTBALL TEAM.
I MEAN, WE'RE PROBABLY 20
-POINT
251
00:16:44,136 --> 00:16:46,305
UNDERDOGS, AND WE'RE GOING
TO THE ONE TEAM...
252
00:16:46,372 --> 00:16:48,874
ARGUABLY THE BEST TEAM IN
FOOTBALL.
253
00:16:48,941 --> 00:16:53,379
WE DON'T HAVE A CHANCE.
( LAUGHTER )
254
00:16:53,445 --> 00:17:01,120
YOU WANT TO KEEP IT REAL,
BUT YOU'RE THE QUARTERBACK
255
00:17:01,186 --> 00:17:02,321
WHAT DO YOU SAY IN THE
HUDDLE? "ALL RIGHT, GUYS.
256
00:17:02,388 --> 00:17:03,355
FIRST AND TEN.
LET'S JUST PUNT AND GET THIS
257
00:17:03,422 --> 00:17:05,691
OVER WITH.
I WANNA RUN BY THE DRY
CLEANERS
258
00:17:05,758 --> 00:17:09,728
BEFORE IT CLOSES.
HANDS IN, EVERYBODY.
259
00:17:09,795 --> 00:17:13,532
DEATH COMES FOR US ALL!"
( APPLAUSE )
260
00:17:13,599 --> 00:17:17,736
DOES.
IT DOES.
261
00:17:17,803 --> 00:17:21,707
IT DOES.
MEANWHILE, WE HAVE YET
ANOTHER
262
00:17:21,774 --> 00:17:25,711
EXTREMELY RARE:
"MEANWHILE UPDATE!"
263
00:17:25,778 --> 00:17:33,719
( APPLAUSE )
ABOUT THE DISASTROUS TWITTER
264
00:17:33,786 --> 00:17:36,889
TAKEOVER BY THE PORTLAND
PICKLES' BASEBALL TEAM THAT
WENT
265
00:17:36,955 --> 00:17:45,197
SIDEWAYS WHEN THEIR MASCOT
DILLON POSTED THIS PHOTO.
266
00:17:45,264 --> 00:17:48,867
THE CLUB CLAIMED THAT
DILLON, RIGHT THERE, THAT
THING RIGHT
267
00:17:48,934 --> 00:17:53,439
THERE, WAS JUST TRYING TO
GIVE FANS A THUMBS UP,
EXACTLY AT
268
00:17:53,505 --> 00:17:57,342
CROTCH HEIGHT.
WELL, I HAD AN OPINION:
269
00:17:57,409 --> 00:17:59,411
WHEN YOU'RE DOING A GESTURE,
THE PLACEMENT OF THE HAND IS
REALLY
270
00:17:59,478 --> 00:18:00,879
IMPORTANT.
THERE'S A REASON NIXON
DIDN'T
271
00:18:00,946 --> 00:18:05,717
GIVE THE PEACE SIGN LIKE
THIS. ( LAUGHTER )
272
00:18:05,784 --> 00:18:09,721
NOW, IT HAS COME TO MY
ATTENTION THAT ONE OF MY
VIEWERS WAS
273
00:18:09,788 --> 00:18:12,891
CONFUSED BY THAT JOKE.
HIS NAME IS JACK MORESCHI,
274
00:18:12,958 --> 00:18:14,126
AND HE HAPPENS TO BE THE
FATHER OF ONE OF MY
PRODUCERS, OPUS
275
00:18:14,193 --> 00:18:17,830
MORESCHI.
AFTER SEEING THE SHOW,
276
00:18:17,896 --> 00:18:20,766
MR. MORESCHI TEXTED HIS SON:
"HEY, WHY THE BIG LAUGH OVER
277
00:18:20,833 --> 00:18:24,803
NIXON GESTURE ON FRIDAY
NIGHT'S SHOW?
278
00:18:24,870 --> 00:18:26,004
LOOKED LIKE HE WAS HOLDING
HIS MOUTH IN A SMILE, BUT IT
GOT A
279
00:18:26,071 --> 00:18:28,307
BIG LAUGH, BIGGER THAN IT
WARRANTED.
280
00:18:28,373 --> 00:18:30,876
SO THERE MUST BE ANOTHER
EXPLANATION.
281
00:18:30,943 --> 00:18:33,712
CLUE US IN, PLEASE."
( LAUGHTER )
282
00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:41,720
NOW, NOW--
OPUS DID NOT ANSWER HIS
FATHER.
283
00:18:41,787 --> 00:18:47,526
AND YOU'LL NOTE, THAT TEXT
WAS SENT YESTERDAY AT 9:38 P
.M.
284
00:18:47,593 --> 00:18:49,761
THEN, THIS MORNING, AT 8:37
A.M., JACK FOLLOWS UP WITH
HIS
285
00:18:49,828 --> 00:18:53,232
SON:
"SO?"
286
00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:57,736
HE'S BEEN TURNING IT OVER IN
HIS HEAD ALL NIGHT:
287
00:18:57,803 --> 00:18:59,538
"WHAT COULD IT PSSIBLY MEAN?
IS HE GONNA POKE HIMSELF IN
THE
288
00:18:59,605 --> 00:19:00,906
EYES?
IS HE COUNTING HIS SHOES?
289
00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:04,576
HOW IS THAT A JOKE?
DAMN THESE INFERNAL LATE
-NIGHT
290
00:19:04,643 --> 00:19:05,444
HOOLIGANS!"
AS OF THIS TAPING, JACK'S
291
00:19:05,511 --> 00:19:10,849
QUESTION REMAINS UNANSWERED.
WHY?
292
00:19:10,916 --> 00:19:13,085
BECAUSE OPUS IS A COWARD.
TOO SCARED TO LOOK HIS OWN
293
00:19:13,151 --> 00:19:15,487
FATHER IN THE EYE AND
EXPLAIN THE WAYS OF THE
WORLD.
294
00:19:15,554 --> 00:19:18,891
WELL, CLEARLY, SOMEONE HAS
TO BE THE ADULT IN THE ROOM.
295
00:19:18,957 --> 00:19:25,731
SO NOW I HAVE TO DO WHAT
OPUS IS TOO SCARED TO DO.
296
00:19:25,797 --> 00:19:29,401
MR. MORESCHI SENIOR, PLEASE
MEET ME OVER ON "THE BIRDS
AND THE
297
00:19:29,468 --> 00:19:30,903
BEES" CAM.
OKAY, OKAY.
298
00:19:30,969 --> 00:19:38,944
( APPLAUSE )
THAT GESTURE THAT WE SHOWED
A
299
00:19:39,011 --> 00:19:48,687
PHOTO OF, THEY'RE
SUGGESTING... UM-- HOW ABOUT
THIS: SOMETIMES
300
00:19:48,754 --> 00:19:53,191
YOU TAKE A TRIP DOWNTOWN AND
YOU ARE HUNGRY AND YOU MIGHT
WANT
301
00:19:53,258 --> 00:19:59,431
TO, SAY, HAVE DINNER AT THE
"Y." OR, LET'S SAY, MEET A
FRIEND AT
302
00:19:59,498 --> 00:20:01,166
THE LOCAL DINER TO HAVE SOME
TACOS, AT THE MUNCHERY.
303
00:20:01,233 --> 00:20:02,167
YOU KNOW WHAT?
GOOGLE IT.
304
00:20:02,234 --> 00:20:04,636
SORRY, OPUS.
I TRIED.
305
00:20:04,703 --> 00:20:06,238
( LAUGHTER )
JUST-- I CAN'T.
306
00:20:06,305 --> 00:20:17,416
I GOTTA MOVE ON.
I CAN'T.
307
00:20:17,482 --> 00:20:18,884
MEANWHILE, SCIENTISTS NOW
SAY THAT FACE MASKS MAKE
PEOPLE LOOK
308
00:20:18,951 --> 00:20:21,887
MORE ATTRACTIVE.
THANKS FOR THE CONFIDENCE
BOOST,
309
00:20:21,954 --> 00:20:25,791
SCIENCE.
HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD
MAKE
310
00:20:25,857 --> 00:20:29,728
YOU A LOT MORE APPEALING?
LESS OF THIS.
311
00:20:29,795 --> 00:20:35,634
( LAUGHTER )
SUSHI ROLLS AT AN
312
00:20:35,701 --> 00:20:37,769
ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT BUFFET WAS
RUSHED TO THE HOSPITAL WITH
ACID
313
00:20:37,836 --> 00:20:42,140
REFLUX AFTER DOWNING EIGHT
GREEN DRAGON ROLLS, EIGHT
SNOW ROLLS,
314
00:20:42,207 --> 00:20:45,711
EIGHT CALIFORNIA ROLLS, AND
EIGHT WAKAME ROLLS.
315
00:20:45,777 --> 00:20:48,880
PLUS MISO SOUP, FOUR GYOZAS,
A HELPING OF EDAMAME, AND A
FEW
316
00:20:48,947 --> 00:20:53,719
JALAPENO POPPERS.
AH, YES, JALAPENO POPPERS--
317
00:20:53,785 --> 00:20:58,390
THE TRADITIONAL JAPANESE
DELICACY HAILING FROM THE
318
00:20:58,457 --> 00:21:03,495
PREFECTURE OF "OKIN
-APPLEBEES." WE'LL BE RIGHT
BACK WITH BRIAN
319
00:21:03,562 --> 00:21:04,296
COX.
( APPLAUSE ).
320
00:21:26,752 --> 00:21:30,255
WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE
SHOW"!"
321
00:21:30,322 --> 00:21:34,993
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY
FIRST GUEST THIS EVENING IS
AN EMMY
322
00:21:35,060 --> 00:21:37,696
AWARD-WINNING ACTOR YOU KNOW
FROM "TROY," "THE BOURNE
323
00:21:37,763 --> 00:21:38,964
IDENTITY," AND AS THE
PATRIARCH WE LOVE TO HATE ON
"SUCCESSION."
324
00:21:39,031 --> 00:21:44,569
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE
LATE SHOW," BRIAN COX
325
00:21:44,636 --> 00:21:59,518
♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE )
326
00:21:59,584 --> 00:22:01,720
♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE )
327
00:22:01,787 --> 00:22:04,389
>> Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU
AGAIN.
328
00:22:04,456 --> 00:22:06,992
>> NICE TO SEE YOU, STEPHEN.
>> Stephen: HOW IS THE NEW
329
00:22:07,059 --> 00:22:10,729
YEAR TREATING YOU?
>> FAIRLY HECTIC.
330
00:22:10,796 --> 00:22:12,998
FAIRLY HECTIC.
I DIDN'T STOP.
331
00:22:13,065 --> 00:22:15,567
I'M STUPID.
I'M A FOOL, REALLY.
332
00:22:15,634 --> 00:22:17,803
>> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU
MEAN? >> I DON'T TAKE IT
EASY.
333
00:22:17,869 --> 00:22:23,842
I THIS HAVE THING, IT'S THE
THING IN IMPROVISATION.
334
00:22:23,909 --> 00:22:25,177
IN IMPROVISE AS YOU CAN
NEVER SAY NO.
335
00:22:25,243 --> 00:22:29,781
YOU HAVE TO SAY, "YES, AND."
YOU DO THAT IN A CAREER AND
YOU
336
00:22:29,848 --> 00:22:32,484
END UP DOING A LOT OF STUFF.
>> Stephen: IT AGGREGATES.
337
00:22:32,551 --> 00:22:37,723
>> SO I DID THREE PICTURES
SINCE I'VE DONE
"SUCCESSION."
338
00:22:37,789 --> 00:22:42,728
>> Stephen: SOMEWHERE, IN
ALL OF THAT, IN ALL OF THAT
HURLEY
339
00:22:42,794 --> 00:22:47,599
BURLY, YOU MANAGED TO ALSO
WRITE A MEMOIR CALLED
"PUTTING THE
340
00:22:47,666 --> 00:22:50,969
RABBIT IN THE HAT."
FIRST OF ALL, WHAT DOES THAT
341
00:22:51,036 --> 00:22:54,139
TITLE MEAN, "PUTTING THE
RABBIT IN THE HAT?"
342
00:22:54,206 --> 00:23:02,948
>> IT COMES FROM-- YEARS AGO
I DID A PLAY CALLED
TAMBORLANE THE
343
00:23:03,014 --> 00:23:04,382
GREAT.
>> Stephen: I KNOW IT.
344
00:23:04,449 --> 00:23:08,653
>> WE HAVE AN EDUCATED
AUDIENCE. WHAT HAPPENED WAS,
WE REHEARSED
345
00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:13,759
IT AND WE REHEARSED IT
FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER,
AND IT'S
346
00:23:13,825 --> 00:23:18,964
CHRISTOPHER MARLO, WHICH IS
TEDIOUS, TO SAY THE LEAST.
347
00:23:19,030 --> 00:23:26,805
ALBERT FINNEY WAS VERY LIKE
THAT ( WITH A GRAVELLY
VOICE."
348
00:23:26,872 --> 00:23:28,607
LET'S GET THE RABID OUT OF
THE HAT.
349
00:23:28,673 --> 00:23:33,044
THAT'S WHAT WE HAVE TO DO,
JUST GET THE RABBIT OUT OF
THE HAT!"
350
00:23:33,111 --> 00:23:38,116
AN ACTOR WHO IS IN IT WITH
ME SAID, "HOW DO WE GET THE
RABBIT
351
00:23:38,183 --> 00:23:40,886
INTO THE HAT?"
THAT'S WHY IT'S CALLED
"PUTTING
352
00:23:40,952 --> 00:23:43,789
THE RABBIT INTO THE HAT."
>> Stephen: IT'S A
REASONABLE
353
00:23:43,855 --> 00:23:46,091
QUESTION.
IT'S A BOOK, BEING AN ACTOR
FOR
354
00:23:46,158 --> 00:23:47,826
60 YEARS NOW?
>> 60.
355
00:23:47,893 --> 00:23:50,996
>> Stephen: 60 AROUND?
THAT'S A LOT OF EXPERIENCE.
356
00:23:51,062 --> 00:23:53,799
( APPLAUSE )
YOUR PARENTS.
357
00:23:53,865 --> 00:23:56,067
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: WHAT DID YOU--
358
00:23:56,134 --> 00:23:58,069
WHAT DID YOU WANT TO SAY
ABOUT THEM?
359
00:23:58,136 --> 00:24:02,073
WHAT DID YOU WANT US TO
KNOW? AND I HAVE THEM RIGHT
HERE.
360
00:24:02,140 --> 00:24:03,909
THERE THEY ARE.
>> THAT'S MY MOM AND DAD.
361
00:24:03,975 --> 00:24:07,345
>> Stephen: THERE YOU GO.
MOLLIE AND CHICK.
362
00:24:07,412 --> 00:24:11,583
>> CHICK, YEAH.
THE REASON WHY, YOU KNOW,
THEIR
363
00:24:11,650 --> 00:24:15,954
LIVES WERE NOT-- I MEAN, MY
DAD DIED WHEN HE WAS 51.
364
00:24:16,021 --> 00:24:18,523
MY MOM HAD A SERIES OF
NERVOUS BREAKDOWNS AFTER
THAT.
365
00:24:18,590 --> 00:24:22,160
AND I JUST FELT THAT I
WANTED TO ADDRESS THEIR
LIVES AND ADDRESS
366
00:24:22,227 --> 00:24:27,065
WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO LIVE
IMMEDIATELY POST-WAR
SCOTLAND,
367
00:24:27,132 --> 00:24:30,969
AS IT HAPPENS, AT THE TIME.
AND THE KIND OF MISTAKES
THAT
368
00:24:31,036 --> 00:24:36,775
WERE MADE IN GOODNESS.
MY DAD WAS A VERY GOOD,
VERY,
369
00:24:36,842 --> 00:24:40,679
VERY GOOD, PIOUS MAN, AND HE
WAS ALWAYS VERY GIVING TO
EVERYBODY.
370
00:24:40,745 --> 00:24:43,415
AND HE WOULD-- HE HAD A
SHOP-- THAT'S A FAVORITE
PHOTOGRAPH OF
371
00:24:43,481 --> 00:24:47,285
ME AND MY DAD, YEAH.
HE HAD A FAVORITE-- HE HAD A
372
00:24:47,352 --> 00:24:50,055
SHOP, AND HE WOULD WORK FROM
10:00 IN THE MORNING EYE
MEAN
373
00:24:50,121 --> 00:24:52,624
FROM 5:00 IN THE MORNING
UNTIL 10:00 AT NIGHT.
374
00:24:52,691 --> 00:24:56,528
AND THEN, BECAUSE IT WAS IN
A GHETTO, HE WOULD GO AND
HELP
375
00:24:56,595 --> 00:24:58,997
PEOPLE DECORATE THEIR HOUSE.
YOU KNOW, HE WAS THAT KIND
OF
376
00:24:59,064 --> 00:25:01,733
GUY.
AND MY MOTHER-- IT DROVE MY
377
00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:03,735
MOTHER DEMENTED, ACTUALLY,
LITERALLY.
378
00:25:03,802 --> 00:25:05,637
AND SHE SAID, YOU KNOW, IT
WAS HARD.
379
00:25:05,704 --> 00:25:09,541
BUT THEN I FOUND THIS
AMAZING LETTER FROM HER.
380
00:25:09,608 --> 00:25:13,311
IT WAS ACTUALLY A DIARY
ENTRY, WHERE SHE TALKED
ABOUT THE
381
00:25:13,378 --> 00:25:17,849
LITTLE DIFFERENCES AND HOW
SHE ULTIMATELY FORGAVE HIM,
BECAUSE
382
00:25:17,916 --> 00:25:20,118
SHE LOVED HIM, AND HOW
DIFFICULT IT WAS TO BE THAT
GENEROUS.
383
00:25:20,185 --> 00:25:24,422
AND SHE ALWAYS USED TO SAY
TO ME, "REMEMBER, BRIAN,
CHARITY
384
00:25:24,489 --> 00:25:26,491
BEGINS AT HOME."
IT'S A VERY TELLING THING.
385
00:25:26,558 --> 00:25:28,526
AND I JUST WANTED TO GET IT
OUT THERE.
386
00:25:28,593 --> 00:25:32,530
I WANTED TO TELL THAT STORY.
>> Stephen: DID YOUR
MOTHER--
387
00:25:32,597 --> 00:25:35,967
PARENTS OFTEN WORRY ABOUT
THEIR CHILDREN GOING INTO
SHOW
388
00:25:36,034 --> 00:25:39,504
BUSINESS, OR ANY SORT OF
UNLIKELY PROFESSION, YOU
MIGHT
389
00:25:39,571 --> 00:25:41,506
SAY.
DID YOUR MOTHER WORRY ABOUT
YOU?
390
00:25:41,573 --> 00:25:44,242
>> OH, NO, NO, QUITE THE
OPPOSITE.
391
00:25:44,309 --> 00:25:49,447
NO, NO, MY MOTHER WAS-- IT
WAS EMBARRASSING, ACTUALLY.
392
00:25:49,514 --> 00:25:52,884
NO, WHAT HAPPENED, I
REMEMBER ONCE WHEN-- I DID
A-- MY FIRST
393
00:25:52,951 --> 00:25:55,553
JOIVES A TV SHOW.
I DID A TV PLAY.
394
00:25:55,620 --> 00:25:58,924
AND IT WAS, YOU KNOW, A LOT
OF PEOPLE SAW IT, AND WHAT
HAVE
395
00:25:58,990 --> 00:26:02,827
YOU.
AND MY MOM DECIDED TO GET A
396
00:26:02,894 --> 00:26:06,364
PETITION TOGETHER WITH THE
NEIGHBORS TO GET ME ON
397
00:26:06,431 --> 00:26:08,233
TELEVISION MORE OFTEN.
( LAUGHTER )
398
00:26:08,300 --> 00:26:14,873
SCOTLAND.
>> THIS IS IN DUNDEE.
399
00:26:14,940 --> 00:26:18,310
>> Stephen: SHE'S GOING
AROUND THE NEIGHBORHOOD WITH
A CLIP
400
00:26:18,376 --> 00:26:20,879
BOARD.
>> SHE SAID, "I'VE JUST GONE
TO
401
00:26:20,946 --> 00:26:23,715
THE NEIGHBORS AND THEY WOULD
LIKE TO SEE YOU MORE ON
402
00:26:23,782 --> 00:26:26,151
TELEVISION."
I SAID, "MA, YOU CANNOT DO
THAT.
403
00:26:26,217 --> 00:26:29,087
IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY.
I'M EMPLOYED FOR AN
INDIVIDUAL
404
00:26:29,154 --> 00:26:33,391
WHO HAPPENS TO BE WORKING
FOR THE BBC, AND THAT'S HOW
I WORK
405
00:26:33,458 --> 00:26:34,993
THERE."
SHE SAID, "NO, I THINK WE
CAN
406
00:26:35,060 --> 00:26:38,897
MAKE SOME MOVEMENT FOR YOU."
>> Stephen: GOD BLESS
MOTHERS.
407
00:26:38,964 --> 00:26:42,033
>> WHERE WOULD WE BE WITHOUT
NEM.
408
00:26:42,100 --> 00:26:45,670
>> Stephen: EXACTLY DO YOU
KNOW HOW OLD YOU ARE AT THIS
409
00:26:45,737 --> 00:26:48,006
TIME, '66?
>> I WAS PROBABLY ABOUT 23.
410
00:26:48,073 --> 00:26:49,941
>> Stephen: THAT SMOKE SHOW
RIGHT THERE.
411
00:26:50,008 --> 00:26:51,776
LOOK AT THAT.
IS THIS YOUR FIRST HEAD
SHOT?
412
00:26:51,843 --> 00:26:56,214
>> NO, MY SECOND.
MY FIRST WAS A TOTAL
DISASTER
413
00:26:56,281 --> 00:26:58,917
AND I HAD TO GO BACK AND GET
IT DONE AGAIN.
414
00:26:58,984 --> 00:27:01,186
>> Stephen: HERE YOU ARE IN
1966.
415
00:27:01,252 --> 00:27:04,522
IN THAT PERIOD OF TIME, WHO
WERE SORT OF THE ACTORS OF,
LIKE, THE
416
00:27:04,589 --> 00:27:06,992
GENERATION BEFORE YOU, WHO
YOU WERE LOOKING UP TO?
417
00:27:07,058 --> 00:27:08,293
O'TOOLE?
BURTON?
418
00:27:08,360 --> 00:27:13,198
>> O'TOOLE-- CERTAINLY
BURTON. BUT ALBERT FINNEY,
PARTICULARLY
419
00:27:13,264 --> 00:27:15,000
ALBERT.
ALBERT WAS-- FOR ME, ALBERT
WAS
420
00:27:15,066 --> 00:27:17,969
A REVELATION.
WHEN I WAS A KID, I WANTED
TO
421
00:27:18,036 --> 00:27:23,608
ACT SINCE I WAS THIS HIGH.
I USED TO GO ON-- WE CALLED
THEM
422
00:27:23,675 --> 00:27:25,410
THE PICTURES WHICH WAS THE
CINEMA.
423
00:27:25,477 --> 00:27:29,314
I STARTED TO GO WHEN I WAS
FIVE. AND I USED TO GO-- WE
HAD DOUBLE
424
00:27:29,381 --> 00:27:32,250
FEATURES.
IN MY HOME TOWN, WE HAD 21
425
00:27:32,317 --> 00:27:34,986
CINEMAS AT ONE POINT AND
THEY WERE KITTY-CORNER TO
ONE
426
00:27:35,053 --> 00:27:36,554
ANOTHER.
AND WE COULD SEE AS MANY AS
427
00:27:36,621 --> 00:27:38,990
EIGHT MOVIES IN A WEEK.
AND I VIRTUALLY DID THAT
SINCE
428
00:27:39,057 --> 00:27:41,526
THE AGE OF SIX.
THAT'S WHO I WAS GOING TO
BE.
429
00:27:41,593 --> 00:27:45,096
BUT THEY'RE ALL AMERICAN
MOVIES. I COULDN'T RELATE TO
BRITISH OR
430
00:27:45,163 --> 00:27:50,969
ENGLISH MOVIES AT ALL.
I COULD ONLY RELATE TO
CAGNEY,
431
00:27:51,036 --> 00:27:55,340
AND HUMPHREY BOGARD, AND
COMEDIANS LIKE MARTIN AND
LEWIS,
432
00:27:55,407 --> 00:27:58,910
NOT JUST LEWIS, MARTIN AND
LEWIS, AND DANNY KAY.
433
00:27:58,977 --> 00:28:01,913
THESE WERE PEOPLE WHO WERE
PART OF MY WORLD.
434
00:28:01,980 --> 00:28:04,749
I THOUGHT, I'M NOT AMERICAN.
THAT'S NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN
TO
435
00:28:04,816 --> 00:28:06,484
ME.
I'M NEVER GOING TO MAKE THAT
436
00:28:06,551 --> 00:28:10,955
LINK.
AND THEN AT THE AGE OF 14, I
437
00:28:11,022 --> 00:28:18,196
WENT TO THE CINEMA IN THE
HILL TOWN OF DUNDY, AND I
SAW ALBERT
438
00:28:18,263 --> 00:28:20,498
FINNEY IN "SATURDAY NIGHT
AND SUNDAY MORNING."
439
00:28:20,565 --> 00:28:22,467
AND I THOUGHT, IT'S ME, IT'S
POSSIBLE.
440
00:28:22,534 --> 00:28:26,237
I CAN DO IT.
LOOK, THIS GUY IS DOING IT
AND
441
00:28:26,304 --> 00:28:28,473
HE WAS INCREDIBLE.
THAT WAS AN AMAZING TIME.
442
00:28:28,540 --> 00:28:31,242
IT WAS A TIME OF GREAT
SOCIAL MOBILITY.
443
00:28:31,309 --> 00:28:33,778
I WENT TO A DRAMA SCHOOL.
I GOT GRANTS.
444
00:28:33,845 --> 00:28:36,181
NONE OF THAT HAPPENS NOW.
YOU KNOW, THAT HAPPENED
THEN.
445
00:28:36,247 --> 00:28:38,149
AND THE COUNTRY WAS A LOT
POORER.
446
00:28:38,216 --> 00:28:41,719
AND THAT'S HOW I STARTED.
AND I GOT-- I MANAGED TO GET
AN
447
00:28:41,786 --> 00:28:45,356
INTERVIEW WITH MY LOCAL
THEATER, AND I WENT 'ROUND
THERE, AND IT
448
00:28:45,423 --> 00:28:47,792
WAS FUNNY BECAUSE AS I
WALKED INTO THE THEATER,
THERE WAS A
449
00:28:47,859 --> 00:28:50,895
FIGHT GOING ON BETWEEN AN
ACTOR AND A STAGE MANAGER.
450
00:28:50,962 --> 00:28:55,733
AND THEY WERE DOING ALL
THIS-- YOU KNOW, THIS WOULD
-BE FIST
451
00:28:55,800 --> 00:28:58,002
CUFFS --
>> Stephen: AN ACTUAL FUT,
NOT
452
00:28:58,069 --> 00:29:00,738
A STAGE FIGHT.
>> AN ACTUAL FIGHT.
453
00:29:00,805 --> 00:29:03,775
THEY HAD BEEN ON A BENDER
APPARENTLY ALL NIGHT.
454
00:29:03,842 --> 00:29:07,212
I DIDN'T THAT.
I WAS 15 AND PASSING ALL
THESE
455
00:29:07,278 --> 00:29:08,880
PEOPLE.
AND IT WAS ALL GOING ON LIKE
456
00:29:08,947 --> 00:29:14,252
THAT.
SO I GOT UP THE STAIRS TO
THE
457
00:29:14,319 --> 00:29:16,521
LANDING, AND THERE WAS AN
ACTOR THERE SMOKING A
CIGARETTE.
458
00:29:16,588 --> 00:29:18,656
AND HE SAID, "ARE YOU ALL
RIGHT, DARLING IS THERE?
459
00:29:18,723 --> 00:29:21,893
AND I THOUGHT THIS IS
OBVIOUSLY WHAT I'VE GOT TO
BE, YOU KNOW
460
00:29:21,960 --> 00:29:25,864
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: AMUSEMENT AMONG
461
00:29:25,930 --> 00:29:31,035
THE CHAOS.
>> SO I REALIZED I WAS
BLESSED.
462
00:29:31,102 --> 00:29:33,872
AND I CONSIDER MYSELF
BLESSED. >> Stephen: WE HAVE
TO TAKE A
463
00:29:33,938 --> 00:29:35,206
QUICK BREAK.
BUT STICK AROUND.
464
00:29:35,273 --> 00:29:39,577
WHEN WE COME BACK, I WILL
ASK BRIAN ABOUT SOME OF HIS
MOST
465
00:29:39,644 --> 00:29:42,313
MEMORABLE MISHAPS ON STAGE.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
466
00:29:49,988 --> 00:29:54,592
WE'RE BACK HERE WITH THE
STAR OF "SUCCESSION," AND
AUTHOR OF
467
00:29:54,659 --> 00:29:57,028
"PUTTING THE RABBIT IN THE
HAT," BRIAN COX.
468
00:29:57,095 --> 00:30:01,366
WE KNOW YOU FROM TELEVISION
AND FILMS, BUT OF COURSE
YOU'VE HAD
469
00:30:01,432 --> 00:30:04,169
A LONG CAREER ON THE STAGE.
WHAT I LOVE TALKING ABOUT
WITH
470
00:30:04,235 --> 00:30:08,806
PEOPLE WHO MADE THEIR CAREER
ON THE STAGE, IN A FILM OR
TV SHOW
471
00:30:08,873 --> 00:30:13,077
YOU CAN HAVE ANOTHER TAKE.
BUT I LOVE THE FACT, IF
472
00:30:13,144 --> 00:30:15,313
SOMETHING GOES WRONG ON
STAGE YOU HAVE TO FLUFF IT
OUT.
473
00:30:15,380 --> 00:30:19,050
I LIKE TO ASK, ARE TTERE ANY
PARTICULAR MEMORABLE MOMENTS
474
00:30:19,117 --> 00:30:23,254
WHEN THINGS WENT SIDEWAYS
AND YOU HAD TO KEEP GOING.
475
00:30:23,321 --> 00:30:28,326
>> SEVERAL TIMES.
I ONCE DID KING LEAR AND
THREW
476
00:30:28,393 --> 00:30:32,730
MY CROWN OFF THAT WAY AND IT
WAS SAID IT WENT IN THE
FRONT ROW
477
00:30:32,797 --> 00:30:37,669
AND CUT A WOMAN'S HEAD.
SHE TURNED TO HER
BOYFRIEND,"
478
00:30:37,735 --> 00:30:39,504
AND HE SAID, "ARE YOU ALL
RIGHT?"
479
00:30:39,571 --> 00:30:43,741
AND THE BLOOD WAS ON HIS
SHIRT NOT HER HEAD.
480
00:30:43,808 --> 00:30:48,746
AND THE OTHER INCIDENT I WAS
PLAYING CAPTAIN AHAB IN
"MOBY
481
00:30:48,813 --> 00:30:51,816
DICK," AND I HAD THIS BEG
LEG, AND THIS WHOLE THING
WHERE I HAD
482
00:30:51,883 --> 00:30:56,588
TO WALK DOWN THE DECK OF THE
SHIP AND CLIMB UP ON THE
POST
483
00:30:56,654 --> 00:30:58,256
AND KNOCK THE BOOM INTO TE
MAST.
484
00:30:58,323 --> 00:31:01,693
AS I CLIMBED UP AND GOT OFF,
MY PEG LEG FELL OFF.
485
00:31:01,759 --> 00:31:06,197
( LAUGHTER )
STARTING TO FRACT T
FRANTICALLY
486
00:31:06,264 --> 00:31:09,701
SCREW THE PEG LEG BACK ON.
>> Stephen: THE CREW IS
COMING
487
00:31:09,767 --> 00:31:10,802
OVER.
>> THEY'RE COMING ON.
488
00:31:10,868 --> 00:31:14,505
AND I WOULD SAY, "LEAVE
TBOYS! LEAVE IT, LEAVE IT!"
489
00:31:14,572 --> 00:31:17,742
AND OF COURSE THEY DID LEAVE
IT. SO I WAS MINUS A LEG.
490
00:31:17,809 --> 00:31:21,179
SO I HAD TO GET OFF STAGE,
AND IT WAS EXTREMELY PAINFUL
TO GET
491
00:31:21,246 --> 00:31:23,481
OFF STAGE ON ONE LEG, MINUS
MY PEG.
492
00:31:23,548 --> 00:31:29,420
BUT I DID EVENTUALLY MAKE
IT. BUT-- AND THIS IS WHERE
MY
493
00:31:29,487 --> 00:31:32,056
SUSPICION OF CRITICS-- WELL,
ACTUALLY IT BEGAN BEFORE
THEN,
494
00:31:32,123 --> 00:31:36,594
BUT IT CERTAINLY WAS, YOU
KNOW, SOLIDIFIED THEN.
495
00:31:36,661 --> 00:31:38,997
THE FOLLOWING DAY I GOT A
RAVE REVIEW.
496
00:31:39,063 --> 00:31:44,969
( LAUGHTER )
AND HE SAID, "AND THIS
497
00:31:45,036 --> 00:31:49,040
EXTRAORDINARY MOMENT WHERE
THE VULNERABILITY OF AHAB
CAME
498
00:31:49,107 --> 00:31:52,143
THROUGH IN THE MOMENT HE
LOST HIS PEG LEG, AND THE
CREW TRIED
499
00:31:52,210 --> 00:31:55,480
TO HELP HIM, BUT HE WOULDN'T
LET THEM."
500
00:31:55,546 --> 00:32:01,586
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: BRIAN, IT WAS
501
00:32:01,653 --> 00:32:03,921
LOVELY TO SEE YOU.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING
502
00:32:03,988 --> 00:32:05,690
HERE.
>> MY PLEASURE.
503
00:32:05,757 --> 00:32:06,824
>> Stephen: ALL THOSE
STORIES AND MORE ARE IN HIS
MEMOIR
504
00:32:06,891 --> 00:32:10,161
"PUTTING THE RABBIT IN THE
HAT." IT'S AVAILABLE NOW.
505
00:32:10,228 --> 00:32:13,631
BRIAN COX, EVERYBODY WE'LL
BE RIGHT BACK WITH SAMANTHA
BEE.
506
00:32:29,714 --> 00:32:31,582
( APPLAUSE )
WELCOME BACK!
507
00:32:31,649 --> 00:32:36,587
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY
NEXT GUEST IS THE EMMY AWARD
-WINNING
508
00:32:36,654 --> 00:32:40,258
HOST OF "FULL FRONTAL WITH
SAMANTHA BEE," WHICH RETURNS
509
00:32:40,325 --> 00:32:41,926
THIS WEEK FOR ITS SEVENTH
SEASON.
510
00:32:41,993 --> 00:32:51,302
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE
LATE SHOW," SAM BEE.
511
00:32:51,369 --> 00:33:06,250
♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE )
512
00:33:06,317 --> 00:33:07,485
♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE )
513
00:33:07,552 --> 00:33:10,888
AGAIN.
>> IT IS SO NICE TO SEE YOU.
514
00:33:10,955 --> 00:33:13,257
HAPPY NEW YEAR.
>> Stephen: HAPPY NEW YEAR.
515
00:33:13,324 --> 00:33:15,626
HAPPY NEW YEAR.
>> HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE.
516
00:33:15,693 --> 00:33:17,862
OH, MY GOSH.
>> Stephen: LAST WE SPOKE--
517
00:33:17,929 --> 00:33:19,163
>> YES.
>> Stephen: IT WAS OVER THE
518
00:33:19,230 --> 00:33:21,899
ZOOMS.
>> IT WAS OVER THE ZOOM,
THAT'S
519
00:33:21,966 --> 00:33:22,767
RIGHT.
>> Stephen: IT'S BEEN A YEAR
520
00:33:22,834 --> 00:33:25,136
SINCE WE SAW EACH OTHER.
>> A YEAR?
521
00:33:25,203 --> 00:33:26,904
>> Stephen: IS IT SOMETHING
I SAID?
522
00:33:26,971 --> 00:33:30,575
>> IT WAS.
IT WAS ONE FULL INSURRECTION
523
00:33:30,641 --> 00:33:31,876
AGO.
>> Stephen: OH!
524
00:33:31,943 --> 00:33:36,581
JUST NOW, REAL QUICK, JUST
NOW, OF COURSE, I HUGGED YOU
JUST
525
00:33:36,647 --> 00:33:37,815
NOW.
HAVE YOU BEEN TESTED
RECENTLY?
526
00:33:37,882 --> 00:33:41,319
>> I TESTED THREE TIMES
TODAY, WHICH IS, LIKE THE
NEW --
527
00:33:41,386 --> 00:33:44,589
>> Stephen: WOW!
>> YOU MUST HAVE BEEN
RUNNING
528
00:33:44,655 --> 00:33:48,359
OUT OF HOLES.
>> I'M TELLING YOU.
529
00:33:48,426 --> 00:33:50,495
I HAVE REALLY FLEXED THESE
MUSCLES TODAY.
530
00:33:50,561 --> 00:33:52,897
>> Stephen: HOW IS THE
FAMILY? >> FAMILY IS GOOD.
531
00:33:52,964 --> 00:33:54,832
EVERYBODY IS KIND OF-- YOU
KNOW, EVERYBODY IS FINDING
THEIR WAY
532
00:33:54,899 --> 00:33:58,403
IN THE NEW NORMAL.
IT WAS NICE THAT-- I KNOW
THAT
533
00:33:58,469 --> 00:34:01,472
NO ONE WILL AGREE BECAUSE I
ENJOYED THIS DEEP FREEZE
BECAUSE
534
00:34:01,539 --> 00:34:03,474
WE WERE ABLE TO SKATE THIS
WEEKEND AND THINGS LIKE
THAT.
535
00:34:03,541 --> 00:34:05,276
THERE WAS A POND.
>> Stephen: THAT'S VERY
536
00:34:05,343 --> 00:34:07,779
CANADIAN OF YOU.
>> ISN'T IT?
537
00:34:07,845 --> 00:34:09,447
>> Stephen: YOU SKATE ON
PONDS?
538
00:34:09,514 --> 00:34:11,849
>> WE CAN SKATE-- IT'S SO
FROZEN WHERE WE ARE --
539
00:34:11,916 --> 00:34:13,484
>> Stephen: I WOULDN'T KNOW
WHEN THAT'S OKAY.
540
00:34:13,551 --> 00:34:16,854
>> AS YOU KNOW, I AM MARRIED
TO A FELLOW CANADIAN.
541
00:34:16,921 --> 00:34:21,192
AND HE CAN TELL.
HE CAN INTUEIT, HOW DEEP--
HOW
542
00:34:21,259 --> 00:34:27,698
THICK THE ICE IS, JUST BY
LOOKING-- HE HAS KIND OF
LIKE A
543
00:34:27,765 --> 00:34:32,937
BAT SENSOR, LIKE ECHO.
>> HE JUST CHIRPS...
544
00:34:33,004 --> 00:34:36,874
>> IT'S A FOOT AND A HALF.
>> Stephen: "FULL FRONTAL"
545
00:34:36,941 --> 00:34:39,811
JUST HIT A MILESTONE, 200
EPISODES.
546
00:34:39,877 --> 00:34:40,778
>> 200.
>> Stephen: THAT'S A LOT.
547
00:34:40,845 --> 00:34:43,314
>> THAT'S A LOT.
>> Stephen: THAT'S A LOT OF
548
00:34:43,381 --> 00:34:44,348
EPISODES.
>> THAT'S A LOT.
549
00:34:44,415 --> 00:34:47,985
( APPLAUSE )
SHOW DIFFERENTLY NOW THAN
WHEN
550
00:34:48,052 --> 00:34:50,221
YOU WANT ON THE AIR IN
FEBRUARY OF 2016?
551
00:34:50,288 --> 00:34:53,491
>> IT'S SO DIFFERENT.
I MEAN, FIRST-- IT'S VERY
552
00:34:53,558 --> 00:34:56,360
DIFFERENT FROM HOSTING A
SHOW IN A POST-TRUMP WORLD,
TOO.
553
00:34:56,427 --> 00:34:59,297
I FEEL LIKE THERE HAVE BEEN
SO MANY ITERATION --
554
00:34:59,363 --> 00:35:01,866
>> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW WHO
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
555
00:35:01,933 --> 00:35:05,770
>> A COMPLETE BLANK.
WE HAVE LONGER TO EXPLORE
556
00:35:05,837 --> 00:35:07,538
OURSELVES.
LIKE, I JUST FINISHED WHAT I
WAS
557
00:35:07,605 --> 00:35:11,976
DOING PRIOR TO COMING HERE
TODAY WAS SHOOTING THIS
WHOLE PIECE IN
558
00:35:12,043 --> 00:35:15,313
A CAT CAFE IN BROOKLYN.
SO I'M HAVING SO MUCH FUN.
559
00:35:15,379 --> 00:35:18,182
I HAD, LIKE, 40 CATS ON ME
TODAY.
560
00:35:18,249 --> 00:35:20,485
>> Stephen: REALLY?
ARE YOU A CAT PERSON?
561
00:35:20,551 --> 00:35:23,821
>> I LOVE CATS.
I HAVE SO MUCH DANDER ON MY
BODY
562
00:35:23,888 --> 00:35:26,057
RIGHT NOW.
>> Stephen: YOU DON'T HAVE
AN
563
00:35:26,123 --> 00:35:27,625
ALLERGY?
>> GOD NO.
564
00:35:27,692 --> 00:35:30,127
I HOPE NO ONE IN THIS ROOM
DOES. EVEN THOUGH THIS IS A
GIANT
565
00:35:30,194 --> 00:35:34,065
ROOM, YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE
A FACE FULL OF DANDER JUST
FROM ME
566
00:35:34,131 --> 00:35:36,334
PHYSICALLY BEING HERE.
>> Stephen: THE 40 CATS, IS
567
00:35:36,400 --> 00:35:40,304
THAT PART OF THIS?
YOU GAVE A LITTLE HINT, A
568
00:35:40,371 --> 00:35:42,573
PREVIEW, A TEASER OF WHAT
THE SEASON IS GOING TO BE
LIKE ON
569
00:35:42,640 --> 00:35:45,209
THE TWITTER.
>> I DID.
570
00:35:45,276 --> 00:35:49,447
>> Stephen: YOU SAID, "NEXT
SEASON, WE'RE GOING TO GO
571
00:35:49,514 --> 00:35:53,451
( BLEEP ), NUT-NUT."
>> THAT'S IT.
572
00:35:53,518 --> 00:35:56,521
THAT'S IT.
>> Stephen: WHICH IS A
KENDALL
573
00:35:56,587 --> 00:36:01,526
ROY REFERENCE TO
"SUCCESSION." >> IT WAS SO
NICE TO SEE BRIAN.
574
00:36:01,592 --> 00:36:05,329
I LIKED THAT.
ME FILMING A SHOW ABOUT,
LIKE,
575
00:36:05,396 --> 00:36:08,065
MISINFORMATION, VACCINE
MISINFORMATION, BUT FRAMING
IT
576
00:36:08,132 --> 00:36:14,805
IN A KITTEN CAFE WITH 40
KITTENS CLIMBING OVER MY
BODY.
577
00:36:14,872 --> 00:36:17,341
THAT'S ME GOING ( BLEEP )
NUT-NUT, STEPHEN.
578
00:36:17,408 --> 00:36:20,244
>> Stephen: WILL WE LEARN
ANYTHING FROM THIS?
579
00:36:20,311 --> 00:36:22,613
>> WE MIGHT.
I'M TRYING TO PUT SOME
580
00:36:22,680 --> 00:36:26,984
INFORMATION INTO IT, BUT
TRULY IT'S ME LIVING MY BEST
LIFE.
581
00:36:27,051 --> 00:36:28,886
>> Stephen: THAT'S NICE.
>> YEAH.
582
00:36:28,953 --> 00:36:32,189
>> Stephen: THAT'S NICE.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT...
583
00:36:32,256 --> 00:36:34,392
( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: YOU AND I OF
584
00:36:34,458 --> 00:36:35,793
COURSE WORKED TOGETHER.
>> WE DID.
585
00:36:35,860 --> 00:36:39,397
>> Stephen: MANY YEARS OVER
AT THE PLACE CALLED "THE
DAILY."
586
00:36:39,463 --> 00:36:41,132
>> YUP.
>> Stephen: AND WE DID A LOT
587
00:36:41,198 --> 00:36:42,400
OF ELECTIONS.
>> WE DID.
588
00:36:42,466 --> 00:36:46,003
>> Stephen: AND OF COURSE
THERE'S, LIKE, PRESIDENTIAL
YEAR
589
00:36:46,070 --> 00:36:48,205
ELECTIONS AND THEN THERE'S
THE MIDTERMS.
590
00:36:48,272 --> 00:36:49,941
>> YES.
>> Stephen: AND WE'RE IN A
591
00:36:50,007 --> 00:36:50,708
MIDTERM YEAR.
>> YUP.
592
00:36:50,775 --> 00:36:53,511
>> Stephen: ARE YOU
MID-EXCITED?
593
00:36:53,578 --> 00:36:59,917
>> EVEN HEARING THE WORD
"MIDTERM" MAKES ME WANT TO
TAKE
594
00:36:59,984 --> 00:37:01,652
MY MICROPHONE AND RUN OUT OF
THE FEELING.
595
00:37:01,719 --> 00:37:05,356
>> Stephen: I'M SO EXCITED
TO TALK ABOUT WHAT'S GOING
TO
596
00:37:05,423 --> 00:37:08,025
HAPPEN IN OKLAHOMA'S SEVENTH
DISTRICT.
597
00:37:08,092 --> 00:37:10,328
( BLEEP ) THAT'S SOMETHING
YOU COULD SINK YOUR TEETH
INTO.
598
00:37:10,394 --> 00:37:13,230
>> I'LL GET THE KITTENS TO
TALK ABOUT THAT.
599
00:37:13,297 --> 00:37:16,067
>> Stephen: THE THING IS YOU
CAN'T SORT OF NECESSARILY
IGNORE
600
00:37:16,133 --> 00:37:17,268
IT.
>> NO!
601
00:37:17,335 --> 00:37:20,004
>> Stephen: BECAUSE WHAT I
DO, CERTAINLY, AND I THINK
TO A
602
00:37:20,071 --> 00:37:23,541
CERTAIN EXTENT YOU DO,
YOU'RE SORT OF A SHADOW OF
WHAT'S
603
00:37:23,608 --> 00:37:25,276
HAPPENING IN THE NATIONAL
NEWS CONFERENCE.
604
00:37:25,343 --> 00:37:28,112
BECAUSE THAT'S THE FOOTAGE
YOU'RE ROLLING IN.
605
00:37:28,179 --> 00:37:30,815
ALL THEY WILL TALK ABOUT IS
THE MIDTERM ELECTIONS.
606
00:37:30,881 --> 00:37:37,221
>> I KNOW BBUT WE WILL TELL
THE STORY OF THE LOSS OF
607
00:37:37,288 --> 00:37:39,490
CIVILIZATION WITH A LITTLE
PANACHE.
608
00:37:39,557 --> 00:37:42,860
>> Stephen: NEXT TO THE
FLAMING PIT, IT SHEDS A
LOVELY
609
00:37:42,927 --> 00:37:44,128
LIGHT.
>> FEEL THAT WARMTH.
610
00:37:44,195 --> 00:37:47,798
>> Stephen: LIKE MANY
COMEDIANS YOU WERE A
WAITRESS
611
00:37:47,865 --> 00:37:50,101
BEFORE YOU WERE THE SAM BEE
WE KNOW AND LOVE.
612
00:37:50,167 --> 00:37:54,005
>> Stephen: I'M CURIOUS HOW
YOUR WAITRESSING EXPERIENCE
IN
613
00:37:54,071 --> 00:37:55,239
TORONTO?
>> YES.
614
00:37:55,306 --> 00:37:58,943
>> Stephen: ACROSS THE
LAKES, I WAS IN CHICAGO
AMERICA HEY
615
00:37:59,010 --> 00:38:00,411
TORONTO.
>> IT TRULY IS.
616
00:38:00,478 --> 00:38:04,148
>> Stephen: IT KIND OF IS.
THEY'RE KIND OF SISTER
CITIES.
617
00:38:04,215 --> 00:38:06,584
I'M CURIOUS WHAT YOUR
EXPERIENCE WAS LIKE IF IT
WAS BETTER THAN
618
00:38:06,651 --> 00:38:08,185
MINE.
I DID FIVE YEARS.
619
00:38:08,252 --> 00:38:10,688
>> I THINK I DID-- I THINK I
DID AROUND FIVE, SOMEWHERE
BETWEEN
620
00:38:10,755 --> 00:38:13,958
FIVE YEARS AND A DECADE AND
A HALF.
621
00:38:14,025 --> 00:38:16,260
>> Stephen: WERE YOU AT THE
SAME PLACE.
622
00:38:16,327 --> 00:38:23,968
>> MY FIRST WAITERING JOB
WAS AT A 24-HOUR PANCAKE
HOUSE THE
623
00:38:24,035 --> 00:38:26,704
GOLDEN GRIDDLE.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE ALL THE
624
00:38:26,771 --> 00:38:29,974
DRUNK PEOPLE AT 2:00 A.M.
ARE CUTTING BIG CHECKS TO
THE
625
00:38:30,041 --> 00:38:32,610
WAITRESS.
>> I ONLY EVER WORKED THE
NIGHT
626
00:38:32,677 --> 00:38:35,579
SHIFT, FROM 10:00 P.M. TO 6
:00 A.M.
627
00:38:35,646 --> 00:38:40,117
IT WAS THE BEST OF TIMES, IT
WAS MOSTLY THE WORST OF
TIMES.
628
00:38:40,184 --> 00:38:43,487
>> Stephen: WHAT IS YOUR
SOCIAL LIKE LIFE?
629
00:38:43,554 --> 00:38:46,824
HOW OLD ARE YOU AT THIS
POINT? >> MID-20s.
630
00:38:46,891 --> 00:38:49,960
>> Stephen: AND YOU WORKED
FROM 10:00 AT NIGHT UNTIL 6
:00
631
00:38:50,027 --> 00:38:51,495
IN THE MORNING.
HOW DO YOU INTERACT WITH THE
632
00:38:51,562 --> 00:38:53,964
OTHER HUMANS WHO ARE LIVING
THE OTHER HUMAN SCHEDULE.
633
00:38:54,031 --> 00:38:58,202
>> YOU-- WELL, I THINK WHEN
YOU'RE IN YOUR 20s YOU'RE
JUST
634
00:38:58,269 --> 00:38:59,503
WEAK ALL THE TIME.
I THINK THAT'S FINE.
635
00:38:59,570 --> 00:39:02,506
>> Stephen: YOU WAKE UP,
WHEN? >> YOU WOULD GO-- YOU
WOULD GO
636
00:39:02,573 --> 00:39:05,710
TO SLEEP AT 6:00, YOU GET UP
AT, LIKE, 11:00.
637
00:39:05,776 --> 00:39:09,647
>> Stephen: YOU WOULDN'T GO
TO SLEEP AT SIX, YOU WERE
OFF WORK
638
00:39:09,714 --> 00:39:11,916
AT SIX.
>> I WOULD RIDE MY BIKE HOME
639
00:39:11,982 --> 00:39:16,087
FOR, LIKE, 45 MINUTE.
I LIVED REALLY FAR AWAY FROM
THE
640
00:39:16,153 --> 00:39:17,288
GOLDEN GRIDDLE.
>> Stephen: THAT'S AWFUL!
641
00:39:17,354 --> 00:39:19,490
>> AND ALL NIGHT LONG SERVE
PEOPLE WHO ARE SO DRUNK AND
SO
642
00:39:19,557 --> 00:39:24,395
HIGH, AND COMING OFF A
""STAR TREK"" CONVENTION
ORDERING THEIR
643
00:39:24,462 --> 00:39:27,431
FOOD IN KLINGON, AND I'M
JUST LIKE...
644
00:39:27,498 --> 00:39:30,968
>> Stephen: DID WHAT THAT?
>> SO MANY TIMES.
645
00:39:31,035 --> 00:39:35,506
THIS IS VERY ORIGINAL, I'M
GOING TO ASK FOR MY BUCK
WHEAT
646
00:39:35,573 --> 00:39:38,109
PANCAKES IN KLINGON.
SHE WILL NEVER SEE IT
COMING.
647
00:39:38,175 --> 00:39:43,547
I'M LIKE, DUDE, YOU HAVE A
FULL FACE OF MAKEUP ON.
648
00:39:43,614 --> 00:39:46,550
I WAS EXPECTING THIS.
AND IT'S STILL NOT FUNNY.
649
00:39:46,617 --> 00:39:49,820
THAT'S IT.
I JUST GOT A CHILL UP ON MY
650
00:39:49,887 --> 00:39:51,422
SPNE.
>> Stephen: CONGRATULATIONS
ON
651
00:39:51,489 --> 00:39:52,923
200 SHOWS.
>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
652
00:39:52,990 --> 00:39:56,060
>> Stephen: AND SEVEN
SEASONS. >> WHAT A GIFT.
653
00:39:56,127 --> 00:40:04,702
>> Stephen: KEEP IT NUT-NUT.
>> KEEP IT NUT-NUT
654
00:40:04,769 --> 00:40:05,970
>> Stephen: "FULL FRONTAL
WITH SAMANTHA BEE" AIRS
THURSDAYS ON
655
00:40:06,036 --> 00:40:07,138
TBS.
SAMANTHA BEE, EVERYBODY.
656
00:40:07,204 --> 00:40:08,873
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK
657
00:40:15,079 --> 00:40:17,748
THAT'S IT FOR THE LATE SHOW."
TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY
GUEST
658
00:40:17,815 --> 00:40:20,351
WILL BE CHRISTINE BARANSKI.
GOOD NIGHT.