57-YEAR-OLD MARYLAND MAN WITH TERMINAL HEART DISEASE HAS NOW
SURVIVED A TRANSPLANT SURGERY USING A GENETICALLY MODIFIED
HEART FROM A PIG. ♪ ♪ ♪
>> HE WAS A FARMER WHO NEEDED A HEART BUT DIDN'T KNOW WHERE TO
GET ONE, UNTIL ONE DAY, HE REALIZED IT WAS THERE ALL ALONG.
>> I'LL TAKE YOURS. I'LL TAKE YOURS.
>> AND NOW, THERE'S ONLY ONE THING THAT CAN REPLACE BABE'S
HEART: VENGEANCE. THIS SUMMER, WARNER BROTHERS
PRESENTS THE HEART-STEALING TALE"BABY THREE, PAN CHESTA WITH
A VENDETTA. VENDETTA."
THIS LITTLE PIGGY WENT TO MARKET, THIS LITTLE PIGGY STAYED
HOME, AND THIS LITTLE PIGGY GOT EVEN.
>> FIRST IT'S A PIG HEART, THEN IT'S A SHEEP KIDNEY.
WHERE DOES IT END!
>> BABE'S OUTSIDE OUR WINDOW AND HE'S ARMED.
>> THIS SUMMER, PAYBACK IS A BORE
♪ OLD McDONALD HAD IT COMING ♪
>> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
TONIGHT: FOR ONLY A MATTER OF TIME.
AND KEANU REEVES TAKES THE COLBERT QUESTIONERT.
PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES: CAITRIONA BALFE
FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY
HUMAN.
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK
CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
♪ ♪ ♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
STEPHEN!
>> Stephen: THANK YOU, EVERYBODY, PLEASE HAVE A SEAT.
WELCOME, ONE AND ALL IN HERE OUT THERE TO "THE LATE SHOW."
I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
TIMES. WHY?
I DUNNO. THAT'S HOW CONFUSING THEY ARE.
IF THIS PANDEMIC WERE A MOVIE, IT WOULD BE "TENET."
IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO UNDERSTAND, AND I JUST WISH IT WOULD END,
WHICH TURNS OUT, IS THE BEGINNING!
( LAUGHTER ) CONFUSION.
WHAT ARE WE LOOKING AT? FOR ABOUT 22 MONTHS, PUBLIC
HEALTH OFFICIALS HAVE CONSISTENTLY TOLD US TO DO
EVERYTHING POSSIBLE TO AVOID GETTING COVID.
BUT IN THE LAST SEVERAL DAYS, IF YOU'VE NOTICED, THE MESSAGE
HAS SHIFTED SUBTLY. THEY'RE TRYING TO MAKE US GET
USED TO ALL THIS. FOR INSTANCE, YESTERDAY,
DR. ANTHONY FAUCI ADDRESSED THE CURRENT SPIKE AND SAID, "OMICRON
WILL INFECT JUST ABOUT EVERYBODY."
DO YOU HEAR THAT? BEING ATTACKED FOR TWO YEARS HAS
CLEARLY BROKEN DR. FAUCI: "RIP OFF YOUR MASK!
GO TO HOT YOGA! ON THE WAY HOME, TONGUE A HOBO!
I DON'T GIVE A VACCINATED CRAP. WE'RE ALL DOOMED.
YOU CAN ALL TAKE A RAPID TEST AND STICK IT WHERE THE SUN DON'T
SHINE. IT'S ACTUALLY MORE ACCURATE
THAT WAY." BUT THERE IS A SILVER LINING.
ACCORDING TO DR. FAUCI, THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN VACCINATED WILL
"VERY LIKELY, WITH SOME EXCEPTIONS, DO REASONABLY WELL."
OKAY, THERE ARE CERTAIN THINGS I DON'T WANT TO EQUIVOCATE ON.
MY LIFE IS ONE OF THEM. YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR A
SKYDIVING INSTRUCTOR SAY, "JUMP FROM THE PLANE.
YOU WILL VERY LIKELY, WITH SOME EXCEPTIONS, DO REASONABLY WELL."
BUT VACCINES AND BOOSTERS WORK, BECAUSE FAUCI ALSO SAID THAT
THOSE UNVACCINATED ARE 10 TIMES LIKELIER TO BE INFECTED AND 20
TIMES LIKELIER TO DIE. THEY'RE ALSO 50 TIMES LIKELIER
TO START A FIGHT WITH A KROGER EMPLOYEE BECAUSE THE MEXICAN
FOOD SECTION IS IN SPANISH. ( LAUGHTER )
GONNA GET IT, FAUCI MAY NOT BE EXAGGERATING.
THE C.E.O. OF UNITED AIRLINES SAID THAT "4% OF ITS U.S.
EMPLOYEES HAVE TESTED POSITIVE FOR COVID-19," AND "IN ONE DAY
ALONE AT NEWARK, NEARLY ONE-THIRD OF THEIR WORKFORCE
CALLED OUT SICK." ALTHOUGH, THAT MIGHT NOT BE
ENTIRELY COVID RELATED. AT LEAST SOME MIGHT BE SUFFERING
FROM THE PREEXISTING CONDITION OF NOT WANTING TO GO TO NEW
YORK. ( APPLAUSE )
ACCORDING TO THE WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION, IN THE NEXT SIX TO
EIGHT WEEKS, HALF OF THE POPULATION IN WESTERN EUROPE
WILL BE INFECTED WITH COVID. AND BASED ON THE LAST TIME
SOMETHING SPREAD THIS AGGRESSIVELY THROUGH WESTERN
EUROPE, I'M GONNA GO AHEAD AND SAY FRANCE HAS ALREADY
SURRENDERED. ( LAUGHTER )
THE HUGE SURGE IN COVID CASES IN WORKERS, COMBINED WITH WINTER
WEATHER, HAS EMPTIED GROCERY STORE SHELVES.
I WENT GROCERY SHOPPING THIS WEEKEND TO PICK UP A FEW THINGS,
MADE A BOLOGNESE, AND I GOT OVER TO THE MEAT DEPARTMENT, AND I
WAS SURPRISED THAT THEY WERE OUT ONE ITEM, AND IT WAS MEAT.
RIGHT NOW, THERE ARE SHORTAGES IN A LOT OF THINGS, FROM CREAM
CHEESE TO PAPER TOWELS, CHILDREN'S JUICE BOXES, AND CAT
FOOD. AND WE DO NOT WANT TO RUN OUT OF
CAT FOOD BECAUSE IF WE DO ALL THEY'LL HAVE LEFT TO EAT...
IS MAN. THEY'VE BEEN WAITING.
OH, THEY'VE BEEN WAITING. THIS SHORTAGE IS HITTING ITEMS
IN EVERY DEPARTMENT, INCLUDING BIRDS EYE FROZEN VEGETABLES AND
SLIM JIM MEAT SNACKS. NOT AMERICA'S MEAT SNACKS!
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SNAP INTO, a CARROT?
THAT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE A TUBE FULL OF GREASY HAIR.
NOW NATURALLY-- ( LAUGHTER )
THAT HIT HOME. THAT HIT HOME.
I LOVE-- I LOVE-- >> Jon: LIKE THE SLIM JIMS?
>> Stephen: NATURALLY, THIS IS CAUSING PRICES TO GO UP.
ACCORDING TO THE LATEST NUMBERS, INFLATION SOARED 7% IN THE PAST
YEAR, THE MOST SINCE 1982. AND REMEMBER, BACK IN '82, THE
PRICE OF AN AIRLINE TICKET WAS SO HIGH, AMERICANS WERE FORCED
TO TRAVEL VIA ALIEN-POWERED SKY BIKE.
( LAUGHTER ) SUPPLY PROBLEMS, USED CAR PRICES
ARE UP MORE THAN 37%. SO THE USED CAR FOLKS ARE
GETTING RICH. IN FACT, I SAW ONE OF THOSE
INFLATABLE FLOPPY GUYS DRIVING A TESLA.
( LAUGHTER ) LUXURY CARS ARE ALSO DOING WELL.
ROLLS-ROYCE SET AN ALL-TIME SALES RECORD IN 2021 FOR A VERY
TROUBLING REASON ACCORDING TO THE COMPANY'S C.E.O., TORSTEN
MULLER-OTVOS-- WHOSE NAME, OBVIOUSLY, IS AN ANAGRAM FOR
"TORMENTOR LOVES SLUT." ( LAUGHTER )
DON'T KNOW WHY. I DON'T KNOW WHY IT IS, BUT IT
IS. THAT'S TRUE.
OTVOS TOLD THE "FINANCIAL TIMES," "QUITE A LOT OF PEOPLE
WITNESSED PEOPLE IN THEIR COMMUNITY DYING FROM COVID.
THAT MAKES THEM THINK LIFE CAN BE SHORT, AND YOU'D BETTER LIVE
NOW RATHER THAN POSTPONE IT TO A LATER DATE."
IT'S ALL SUMMED UP IN THEIR SLOGAN:
"LIFE IS TOO SHORT NOT TO LOOK LIKE A HUGE DOUCHE."
( LAUGHTER ) I'M HAPPY-- GOTTA ACT.
GOTTA ACT NOW. THINK ABOUT IT.
I'M HAPPY TO SAY THERE COULD BE
HOPE ON THE HORIZON. EXPERTS THINK OMICRON MAY BE
HEADED FOR A RAPID DROP IN BRITAIN AND THE UNITED STATES.
YES, THE WORST OF IT COULD BE OVER BY MARCH, AND BY THE
SUMMER, OMICRON WILL BE SO OUT OF THE HEADLINES, ITS PUBLICIST
WILL BOOK IT ON "DANCING WITH THE STARS."
( LAUGHTER ) UNIVERSITY OF WASHINGTON, THE
TRUE DAILY CASE NUMBER HAS ALREADY PEAKED, HITTING SIX
MILLION ON JANUARY 6. JANUARY 6?!
THAT'S A STRANGE COINCIDENCE. CAN WE SEE OMICRON UNDER A
MICROSCOPE? AH-HA!
( LAUGHTER ) MORE PROMISING NEWS: ACCORDING
TO A RECENT STUDY, COVID LOSES 50% OF ITS ABILITY TO INFECT
AFTER 10 SECONDS IN OFFICE AIR. I'M NOT SURPRISED.
A LOT OF PEOPLE LOSE THEIR WILL TO REPRODUCE WHEN THEY'RE
IN A DEAD-END OFFICE JOB. COVID SHOULD TRY BUYING A FUN
MUG, OR MAYBE A YOGA BALL CHAIR. WE HAVE SOME GOOD NEWS FROM A
SOURCE NOT KNOWN FOR IT: FLORIDA.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
AND DAD HAVING WAY TOO MUCH FUN AT THE NEWS MUSEUM--
RON DeESANTIS. EARLIER THIS WEEK, WE LEARNED
THAT GOVERNOR DeSANTIS ALLOWED UP TO A MILLION OF FLORIDA'S
COVID TESTS EXPIRE IN A WAREHOUSE.
NOTHING GOOD EVER HAPPENS IN A FLORIDA WAREHOUSE, UNLESS YOU
PLACED YOUR BETS ON THE RIGHT COKED-UP SNAPPING TURTLE.
LUCKILY, THE FEDS STEPPED IN TO SAVE THE DAY, BECAUSE
YESTERDAY, THE F.D.A. ANNOUNCED THEY'VE EXTENDED THE SHELF LIFE
FOR THE EXPIRED TEST KITS. THIS IS GREAT-- YEAH, SURE, GIVE
IT UP FOR EXPIRED TEST KITS. ( APPLAUSE )
FOR FOLKS DOWN IN FLORIDA WHO NEED TESTS.
BUT IT'S EVEN BETTER FOR ME, BECAUSE THE F.D.A. IS FINALLY
CONFIRMING WHAT I'VE KNOWN FOR YEARS: EXPIRATION DATES ARE A
MYTH, A MERE SUGGESTION. IF THEY WEREN'T, WHY WOULD I
STILL HAVE THIS ACTUAL CAN OF SAUSAGE THAT I ACTUALLY KEEP
IN MY ACTUAL OFFICE THAT IS ACTUALLY FROM THE 1970s?
( LAUGHTER ) SAUSAGE, YOU MAY BE?
I WAS A YOUNG ACTOR IN CHICAGO, YOUNG AND HUNGRY.
SO MY LOVING MOTHER SENT ME A CARE PACKAGE WITH A BUNCH OF
RAMEN NOODLES, AND FOR SOME REASON, AT THE LAST MINUTE,
THREW IN THIS CAN OF SAUSAGE THAT HAD ALREADY BEEN IN HER
I REMEMBER THIS CAN AS A CHILD, MEANING, THE CHURCH FOOD DRIVE
SAID, "NO, THANK YOU." AND I HAVE KEPT THIS CAN OF
SAUSAGE EVER SINCE-- IT RATTLES A LITTLE.
AND 35 YEARS LATER, THE INGREDIENTS SOUND DELICIOUS:
PORK STOMACHS, BEEF LIPS, COOKED BEEF FAT TISSUE SOLIDS, CEREAL,
WATER, BEEF. ( LAUGHTER )
FLAVORING-- AS IF SALT ISN'T FLAVORING ENOUGH-- SODIUM
NITRITE. SO THANKS TO THE F.D.A.S NEW
RULING, I COULD OPEN THIS AND AND ENJOY THEM, JUST LIKE THE
DAY THEY WERE CANNED. BUT I WON'T, BECAUSE THE CAN
ON THE LABEL, COMMANDS ME TO, "SERVE AS ILLUSTRATED."
NOT SERVING SUGGESTION, "AS ILLUSTRATED."
AND, UNFORTUNATELY, I LEFT MY CANOF FRIED EGGS AT HOME.
SO TO ANYONE WATCHING-- AND ESPECIALLY MY WIFE, EVIE, WHO
WOULD NOT LET ME KEEP THIS CAN OF SAUSAGES AT HOME ANYMORE--
THAT'S WHY IT'S AT MY OFFICE. THESE ARE STILL GOOD.
AND THAT'S NOT ME SAYING IT. IT'S THE FOOD "AND" DRUG
ADMINISTRATION. AND THESE SAUSAGES ARE
DEFINITELY FOOD "OR" DRUGS-- AT THIS POINT, I'M GOING TO
GUESS BOTOX. THANKS, MOM.
SPEAKING OF DRUGS, A NEW STUDY HAS FOUND--
( APPLAUSE ) WOULD LIKE TO THINK THAT WHEN MY
MOTHER PACKED THAT CARDBOARD BOX AND PUT THAT CAN IN THERE SHE
SAID, "THIS WILL BE A GOOD JOKE 35 YEARS FROM NOW.
HE'LL USE THIS. HE'LL USE THIS.
THE. ♪ ♪ ♪
A NEW STUDY HAS FOUND THAT CANNABIS COMPOUNDS STOPPED
INFECTION BY THE COVID-19 VIRUS. GREAT NEWS FOR ALL THE TEENAGERS
WHOSE PARENTS FIND WEED IN THEIR ROOM:
"OH, MOM, I SEE YOU FOUND THE COVID-STOPPING COMPOUNDS THAT I
HID IN MY SOCK DRAWER. THOSE AREN'T MINE.
NO, NO. THOSE AREN'T MINE.
I'M JUST HOLDING THEM FOR MY FRIEND, TONY FAUCI."
HERE'S HOW IT WORKS: APPARENTLY, A COMPOUND FOUND IN CANNABIS
PREVENTS THE VIRUS THAT CAUSES COVID FROM PENETRATING HEALTHY
HUMAN CELLS. IN OTHER WORDS, THE POT ENTERS
THE BODY AND ASKS COVID, "ARE YOU A CELL?
YOU HAVE TO TELL ME IF YOU'RE A CELL."
( LAUGHTER ) THE SCIENCE HERE, LET ME REMIND
YOU, THIS STUDY HAS BEEN REVIEWED BY THE C.D.C.'S STONER
NEPHEW: "THE T.H.C."
THAT GIRL IS CLAPPING A LITTLE TOO HARD RIGHT THERE.
NOW, TECHNICALLY, THESE ARE COMPOUNDS THAT HAVE TO BE
EXTRACTED FROM THE PLANT AND NOT SMOKED.
BUT THERE'S ANECDOTAL SUPPORT FOR THE COVID -FIGHTING
PROPERTIES OF WEED ITSELF, BECAUSE AS OF TODAY-- AND THIS
IS TRUE-- THREE PEOPLE WHO'VE YET TO GET COVID ARE
SETH ROGEN, WILLIE NELSON, AND SNOOP DOGG.
THAT'S WHY SNOOP'S TEAMING UP AGAIN WITH TRUSTED
EPIDEMIOLOGIST DR. DRE FOR THEIR NEW ALBUM, "THE OMICHRONIC."
( LAUGHTER ) TONIGHT.
MY GUEST IS CAITRIÍONA BALFE. BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, A
BUSINESS GETS THE "COLBERT SMALL-BIZ BUMP" FOR THE SECOND
TIME! THE DOUBLE BUMP!
STICK AROUND. ♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE )
STAY HUMAN, EVERYBODY. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
VERY-- I'M VERY EXCITED TO TALK TO OUR GUEST TONIGHT, CAITRIONA
BALFE IS HERE. I DON'T KNOW IF YOU-- DID YOU
EVER SEE THE SEXY SCOTTISH THING "OUTLANDER."
SHE'S ALL SEXY AND SCOTTISH IN THAT.
>> Jon: OH, WOW. >> Stephen: ACTUALLY, SHE'S
ENGLISH, ACTUALLY, BUT IT TAKES PLACE IN MEDIEVAL SCOTLAND, I
THINK. I MORE THAN THINK, I KNOW,
BECAUSE I'VE SEEN THE SEXINESS. AND SHE'S ON HERE.
SHE WAS JUST NOMINATED THIS MORNING, RIGHT, FOR A SAG AWARD
FOR HER PERFORMANCE IN KENNETH BRANAGH'S "BELFAST,"
EXTRAORDINARY PERFORMANCE. EXTRAORDINARY MOVIE,
EXTRAORDINARY MOVIE. VERY EXCITED ABOUT THAT.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, KEANU REEVES IS GOING TO BE OUT HERE
IN JUST A MOMENT TO TAKE THE COLBERT QUESTIONERT AS WELL.
( APPLAUSE ) LATE SHOW" KNOW THAT FROM TIME
TO TIME, WE LIKE TO HIGHLIGHT SMALL BUSINESSES ACROSS THE
COUNTRY THAT COULD USE A BOOST, ESPECIALLY DURING THIS PANDEMIC.
RIGHT BEFORE THE HOLIDAYS, WE EVEN MADE A COMMERCIAL FOR A
SMALL BUSINESS THAT COULD USE A BUMP IN NEW HOPE, MINNESOTA,
CALLED "REDMON'S POPCORN," THAT FEATURED FRIEND OF THE SHOW
NICK OFFERMAN. AND BECAUSE REDMON'S CALLS
ITSELF THE "LUXURY VEHICLE OF POPCORN," OUR AD WENT A LITTLE
SOMETHING LIKE THIS: >> REDMON'S POPCORN:
UNPARALLELED DESIGN, UNRIVALED COMFORT, AND ABLE TO POP FROM
ZERO TO 60 IN 2.3 SECONDS. HOW DOES REDMON'S GET EVERY BITE
PERFECTLY COATED WITH FLAVOR? LET'S JUST SAY THEY GO THE EXTRA
MILE. >> Stephen: AND OUR COMMERCIAL
WORKED! BECAUSE THE VERY NEXT DAY,
REDMON'S POPCORN HAD A LINE OUT THE DOOR.
PROVING-- ( APPLAUSE )
THAT IS BEAUTIFUL TO SEE. THAT'S GREAT.
PROVING IT'S NOT ONLY LIKE A LUXURY VEHICLE.
IT'S ALSO LIKE THE D.M.V. AND ONE OF THOSE CUSTOMERS WAS
NONE OTHER THAN THE MAYOR OF NEW HOPE, MINNESOTA HERSELF, WHO'S
NAME IS-- SAY IT WITH ME-- >> Audience: KATHI HEMKEN!
>> Stephen: NO SURPRISE. A LOT OF HEMKEN HEADS IN THE
AUDIENCE TONIGHT. SHOP OWNER, ZACK REDMON,
DESCRIBED HIS EXPERIENCE LIKE THIS:
( PHONE RINGING ) BEEN HOT.
IT JUST KEEPS-- CALLS, EMAILS, TEXTS.
IT'S CRAZY, SO... IT'S A GOOD THING.
>> Stephen: YEAH, IT WAS GREAT NEWS FOR ZACK AND HIS
BUSINESS. ALTHOUGH, SOME OF THOSE PEOPLE
MAY HAVE BEEN CALLING TO INFORM HIM THAT LABELED HIS
BUSINESS REDMON'S "POOPCORN." WHICH IS "NOT" A SMALL BUSINESS
ENDORSED BY "THE LATE SHOW." UNFORTUNATELY, THERE WAS ONE BIG
DOWNSIDE TO ALL THIS ATTENTION, AND THAT'S THAT JUST TWO DAYS
AFTER THE AD AIRED, REDMON HAD TO CLOSE HIS SHOP BECAUSE COUNTY
OFFICIALS INFORMED HIM THAT HE NEEDS TO HAVE A COMMERCIAL
KITCHEN, AND THAT IT'S A HAZARD FOR HIM TO HAVE A LINE OF
CUSTOMERS IN HIS STORE. YES, WE ALL KNOW THE NUMBER -ONE
HAZARD AT ANY STORE IS PEOPLE WANTING TO BE THERE.
THAT'S WHY THE SAFEST BUSINESS IN AMERICA IS UNCLE GIUSEPPE'S
USED RETAINER SHOPPE. ( LAUGHTER )
TO HEAR THIS. BUT TONIGHT, I HAVE SOME GREAT
NEWS: REDMON'S POPCORN HAS RESOLVED THEIR ISSUES AND IS NOW
OFFICIALLY BACK IN BUSINESS! AND TO CELEBRATE REDMON'S GRAND
REOPENING, WE HERE AT "THE LATE SHOW" TOOK OUT A GIANT BILLBOARD
AD IN TIMES SQUARE! TURNS OUT, THOSE ARE VERY
EXPENSIVE, SO WE DID IT, BUT WE WERE ONLY ABLE TO GET A LITTLE
AMOUNT OF TIME BY PREEMPTING A BILLBOARD FOR ANOTHER CBS SHOW.
TAKE A LOOK AT WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED TODAY IN TIMES SQUARE.
JOE, A DRUM ROLL PLEASE? ( DRUM ROLL )
AND THERE IT GOES! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WORLD, BABY, CROSSROADS OF THE WORLD.
>> Jon: I LIKE THAT! >> Stephen: UP IN LIGHTS!
CONGRATULATIONS TO ZACK REDMON ON HIS REOPENING.
CHECK OUT THEIR SHOP OR VISIT THEM ONLINE AT:
redmonspopcorn.com. YOU CAN ENJOY THE POPCORN EATEN
BY CELEBRITIES LIKE NICK OFFERMAN AND THE MAYOR OF
NEW HOPE, MINNESOTA, HERSELF: >> Audience: KATHI HEMKEN!
>> Stephen: EVERYBODY LOVES HER.
REDMON'S POPCORN: THE PERFECT SNACK TO ENJOY WHILE WATCHING
"GHOSTS," RIGHT HERE ON CBS, THURSDAYS AT:
>> Audience: 9:00 P.M.! >> Stephen: AND WE WANT TO KEEP
HIGHLIGHTING OTHER GREAT BUSINESSES OUT THERE, SO IF YOU
HAVE A SMALL BUSINESS THAT COULD USE THE BUMP, JUST POST TO
SOCIAL MEDIA USING THE HASHTAG #ColbertSmallBizBump
AND TELL US WHAT ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS MAKES IT SPECIAL.
WHETHER YOU'VE GOT A FUNERAL PARLOR IN PARADISE OR AN
AMUSEMENT PARK IN BORING, YOU COULD BE THE NEXT TO GET A SMALL
BIZ BUMP. WHEN WE COME BACK, KEANU REEVES
TAKES THE COLBERT QUESTIONERT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
I'M BACK HERE WITH KEANU REEVES. KEANU YOU'RE ALWAYS GREAT TO
TALK TO. >> THAT'S KIND.
>> Stephen: AND IT'S ALWAYS AN HONEST CONVERSATION, AN
INTERESTING CONVERSATION, WITH REALLY SURPRISING ANSWERS.
EVERYBODY LOVES SEEING YOU. BUT HERE'S THE THING IS THAT
PEOPLE THINK I GET TO KNOW THE PEOPLE THAT I'M INTERVIEWING,
AND IT'S SUCH A SHORT PERIOD OF TIME TO ACTUALLY PENETRATE TO
THE SOUL. >> SURE.
>> Stephen: OF A HUMAN BEING. AND I REALLY WANT TO KNOW MY
GUESTS ON A DEEPER LEVEL. SO WHAT WE DID HERE, "THE LATE
SHOW"" LABS PUT TOGETHER A SERIES OF 15 QUESTIONS.
>> OKAY. >> Stephen: AFTER WHICH, ONCE
THESE QUESTIONS HAVE BEEN ASKED AND ANSWERED.
>> YEAH. >> Stephen: THE GUEST IS KNOWN
FULLY. >> OH, THE WHOLE THING.
>> Stephen: THEY ARE FULLY KNOWN.
>> THE WHOLE 15 QUESTIONS! >> Stephen: 15 QUESTIONS.
I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU ACTUALLY ARE ONE OF THE MAJOR
INSPIRATIONS FOR DOING THE COLBERT QUESTIONERT, BECAUSE
SEVERAL YEARS AGO I ASKED YOU A QUESTION ONE OF THE QUESTIONS
I'M ABOUT TO ASK YOU. I HAVE YOUR ANSWER HERE.
BUT I'LL GET TO IT. I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THE
ANSWER YOU GAVE US FROM ONE OF THESE QUESTIONS, JUST A RANDOM
QUESTION I ASKED YOU IN AN INTERVIEW, ACTUALLY LED TO THE
QUESTIONNAIRE AND PEOPLE WILL KNOW IT WHEN I GET TO IT.
ARE YOU READY TO BE KNOWN, KEANU REEVES?
>> ABSOLUTELY NOT. ♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: KEANU REEVES. >> YES.
>> Stephen: WHAT IS THE BEST SANDWICH?
>> BEST SANDWICH, YOU MEAN, LIKE, FOR ME?
( LAUGHTER ). ANSWER FOR?
( LAUGHTER ). UP AT YOUR LAB A WHOLE KIND OF,
YOU KNOW, WHAT WOULD GO INTO THE BEST SANDWICH-- BALANCE OF
FLAVORS AND -- >> Stephen: THAT IS A VALID--
THAT IS A VALID, IF HOSTILE RESPONSE.
>> OKAY, I'LL ANSWER THE QUESTION.
I'LL ANSWER THE QUESTION -- >> Stephen: FOR YOU, KEANU
REEVES. I WANT TO KNOW YOU.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW SANDWICHES. TO KEANU REEVES, WHAT IS THE
BEST SANDWICH, SIR? >> TODAY I'M GOING TO CHOOSE
TOASTED CRUNCHY PEANUT BUTTER WITH A-- TOAST-- CRUNCHY PENET
BUTTER WITH HONEY. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: BOLD. >> YEAH.
SWEET AND SAVORY AND CRUNCH. >> Stephen: WHAT'S THE ONE
THING THAT YOU OWN THAT YOU REALLY SHOULD THROW OUT?
>> OH, GOSH. ONE THING I OWN THAT I SHOULD
REALLY THROW OUT? I SHOULD REALLY THROW IT AWAY,
REEVES! WHAT'S IN YOUR-- WHAT-- IT'S SO
DIFFICULT FOR ME TO THROW THINGS AWAY.
I'M A BIT OF A PACK RAT. >> Stephen: LOOK AT YOUR
ATTIC. LOOK AT YOUR GARAGE IN YOUR
MIND. >> WHAT SHOULD I THROW AWAY?
I DON'T WANT TO THROW ANYTHING AWAY.
YOU KNOW WHAT, I DON'T HAVE AN ANSWER FOR THAT.
IT'S TOO MUCH. >> Stephen: DO YOU LIVE A
SPARTAN LIFE? IS THERE NOTHING--
>> OBVIOUSLY, NOT. >> Stephen: ALL RIGHT, SO
NOTHING. EVERYTHING IS ESSENTIAL.
>> IT IS RIGHT NOW. ( LAUGHTER )
SCARIEST ANIMAL? >> SCARIEST ANIMAL?
YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS A KID, I ALWAYS-- SPIDERS.
>> Stephen: YES, SIR. >> SPIDER WITH THE THING AND --
>> Stephen: 100%. THAT IS A GOOD ANSWER.
THAT'S A GOOD ANSWER. >> Stephen: APPLES OR ORANGES?
>> APPLES. >> Stephen: YES, BECAUSE YOU
CAN PUT CRUNCHY PEANUT BUTTER ON AN APPLE.
WHAT A COMBINATION. >> IT'S SO GOOD.
IT'S SO GOOD. >> Stephen: HAVE YOU EVER
ASKED SOMEONE FOR THEIR AUTOGRAPH?
>> YES. >> Stephen: MAY I ASK WHOM.
>> LOU REED. >> Stephen: DID YOU GET IT?
>> YES, BUT IT WASN'T FOR ME. IT WAS FOR A FRIEND.
>> Stephen: IT WAS FOR A FRIEND, ALL RIGHT.
>> AND HE WAS COOL ABOUT IT. >> Stephen: LOU REED WAS COOL
ABOUT IT? >> YES.
>> Stephen: HOW ABOUT THE FRIEND?
>> IT WAS COOL. IT WAS A LITTLE PIECE OF PAPER
AND BLUE INK. IT WAS GOOD.
IT JUST SAID, "LOU REED." >> Stephen: IT WOULD HAVE BEEN
REALLY DISAPPOINTING IF IT DIDN'T SAY LOU REED.
>> IT COULD HAVE SAID, "ALL MY BEST."
>> Stephen: WITH ADMIRATION, HAVE A GREAT SUMMER, DON'T EVER
CHCHANGE. LOU REEDEAD.
HAPPY HANUKKAH, LOU REED." THIS IS THE ONE I ASKED YOU
BEFORE. >> I ASKED FOR ANOTHER ONE.
GEORGE CARLIN. >> Stephen: DID YOU GET
CARLIN'S? I'M SO JEALOUS.
I'M SUCH A FAN. >> YEAH, YEAH.
IT WAS BEAUTIFUL. BEAUTIFUL.
BUT, YEAH, HE GAVE ME AN AUTOGRAPH.
>> Stephen: WOW. >> AND, YEAH.
>> Stephen: THAT WAS FOR YOU. >> UH, YEAH, BUT I DON'T KNOW, I
CAN'T SWEAR ON THIS SHOW, RIGHT? NO.
>> Stephen: YOU CAN SWEAR, SURE GO AHEAD.
>> BUT IT WAS REALLY FUNNY, BECAUSE GEORGE CARLIN, HE-- HE
WROTE-- WHAT DID HE WRITE. HE WROTE I THINK WAS, "DEAR
KEANU ( BLEEP ) YOU." YEAH.
>> Stephen: THAT'S PRETTY GREAT.
>> YEAH. ( APPLAUSE )
>> AND I THOUGHT THAT WAS -- >> Stephen: THAT'S VERY SWEET.
>> AND I ALWAYS THOUGHT HE JUST WROTE THAT FOR ME.
AND THEN I MET SOMEONE ELSE WHO SAID THAT HE WROTE THE SAME
THING TO THEM. ( LAUGHTER )
>> YEAH! ANYWAY... BEAUTIFUL.
( LAUGHTER ) QUESTION I'VE ASKED YOU BEFORE
THAT INSPIRED THE ENTIRE COLBERT QUESTIONERT SERIES.
I ASKED YOU, "WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENS WHEN WE DIE?"
AND YOU ANSWERED SEVERAL YEARS AGO...
>> I KNOW THAT THE ONES WHO LOVE US WILL MISUS.
>> Stephen: WHICH IS A LOVELY ANSWER.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO AMEND THAT ANSWER ANY WAY?
>> NO, I DON'T WANT TO AMEND THAT.
YOU'RE ASKING ME AGAIN? >> Stephen: NO, WE CAN MOVE
ON. YOU'VE GIVEN ME THE ANSWER.
>> OKAY. >> Stephen: THAT ONE HAS BEEN
BANKED. WE HAVE THAT ONE ON FILE.
FAVORITE ACTION MOVIE? >> Stephen: OH, GOFN.
>> Stephen: AND YOU CAN BE IN IT.
IT'S OKAY IF YOU'RE IN IT. >> REALLY?
>> Stephen: YOU CAN NAME ONE OF YOUR OWN MOVIES.
>> NO, BUT WHEN I WAS A KID, "ROLLER BALL."
>> Stephen: JAMES CAAN. >> "JONATHAN!
JONATHAN!" YEAH, VIOLENCE, GAME, SOCIAL
COMMENTARY. FANTASTIC.
>> Stephen: WINDOW OR AISLE. >> WINDOW.
>> Stephen: BECAUSE YOU DON'T MIND GETTING UP TO GO TO THE
BATHROOM AND MAKING THE PERSON ON THE AISLE TO STAND UP?
>> I HAVE THE VIEW. >> Stephen: YOU HAVE THE VIEW,
OKAY. FAVORITE SMELL?
>> TODAY I'M GOING TO PICK MY 1974 NORTON COMMANDO WHEN THE
ENGINE WARMS UP WHEN YOU'VE BEEN GIVEN A GOOD GO.
THE OIL IN THE ENGINE HEATS UP, AND THE SMELL THAT COMES OFF THE
ENGINE IS REALLY GOOD. ( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT, I LIKE IT, I LIKE IT.
THAT'S NICE. CATS OR DOGS, SIR?
>> DOGS. >> Stephen: DOGS?
>> YEAH, BUT I'M STARTING TO REALLY LIKE THE CATS, THOUGH,
TOO. >> Stephen: YOU ONLY GET TO
LISTEN TO ONE SONG FOR THE REST OF YDUR LIFE, WHAT IS IT?
>> UH... ONE SONG?
I'M GOING TO TAKE JOY DIVISION'S "LOVE WILL TEAR US APART."
>> Stephen: NICE. GOOD RESPONSE OVER THERE.
WHAT NUMBER AM I THINKING OF? >> SIX.
>> Stephen: NO. >> THREE.
>> Stephen: YOULONLY GET ONE GUESS.
DESCRIBE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE IN FIVE WORDS.
>> WHAT? ( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: DESCRIBE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE IN FIVE WORDS.
>> WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT.
>> Stephen: IT'S NOT A QUESTION.
IT'S A DEMAND ( LAUGHTER )
>> OKAY, WELL, THEN I'M GOING-- I'M GOING TO BE HOPEFUL.
HEALTH. LOVE.
FRIENDSHIP. CREATE ART.
MOTORCYCLES. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
ARE KNOWN. CONGRATULATIONS.
>> THANK YOU. >> Stephen: THANK YOU, KEANU.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
WELCOME BACK. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOU KNOW
MY NEXT GUEST FROM "OUTLANDER," "FORD V. FERRARI," AND NOW,
"BELFAST." >> IT'S GOING ALL RIGHT.
I'VE TALKED TO THE COMMITTEE. GET THIS FIXED.
>> WHEN I WAS RUNNING DOWN THE STREET AND DRAGGING THEM POOR
KIDS. AND I WAS LOOKING IN THE MIRROR.
I ASKED MYSELF WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?
>> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," CAITRIONA
BALFE! ♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE ) WITH MY EVERLASTING LOVE
♪ NEED YOU BY MY SIDE ♪ >> Stephen: THANKS SO MUCH FOR
BEING HERE. >> THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME.
>> Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
NOW, SINCE THE LAST TIME YOU WERE HERE, BIG NEWS IN YOUR
LIFE. YOU HAVE A CHILD.
YOU'RE A MOTHER NOW. CONGRATULATIONS.
>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH YES. >> Stephen: THAT'S NICE.
HOW MUCH-- THIS WASN'T THAT LONG AGO, RIGHT?
IT WAS LESS THAN A YEAR AGO, SOMETHING LIKE THAT?
>> HE'S ALMOST FIVE MONTHS. >> Stephen: ALMOST FIVE
MONTHS. HOW MUCH SLEEP ARE YOU GETTING?
>> WELL, I MEAN, I WAS EXCITED TO COME HERE, BUT I WAS VERY
EXCITED TO SIT ON A PLANE FOR SIX HOURS AND SLEEP.
SO I WAS -- >> Stephen: SO THE RED EYE IS
A RELIEF. >> THE RED EYE WAS PROBABLY THE
MOST SLEEP I'VE HAD IN SIX, SEVEN MONTHS, YEAH.
>> Stephen: ONE OF THE THINGS I KNOW-- I'M LUCKY ENOUGH TO
HAVE THREE KIDS-- AND ONE OF THE THINGS I KNOW, I TRY TO EXPLAIN
IT TO FRIENDS WHO ARE ABOUT TO HAVE KIDS, AND I HAD THIS SAME
EXPERIENCE, PEOPLE TRIED TO EXPLAIN IT TO ME, BUT UNTIL IT
HAPPENS, IT'S ALL JUST THEORY. IS THERE ANYTHING THAT SURPRISED
YOU MOST THAT YOU COULDN'T HAVE KNOWN UNTIL NOW?
>> OH, GOD. ALL OF IT.
I MEAN, THE LOVE, THE RESPONSIBILITY, THAT'S ALL A
LOT. THE NEED FOR MO MOPPING UP.
PUKE OR PEE, OR THE OTHER. IT'S JUST A LOT OF THINGS COME
OUT OF A REALLY CUTE LITTLE THING.
IT'S LIKE HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN? >> Stephen: NOW, THE-- JUST
TODAY, CONGRATULATIONS, YOU WERE NOMINATED FOR SCREEN ACTOR'S
GUILD AWARD. >> THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
>> Stephen: WELL DESERVED. >> THANK YOU.
( APPLAUSE ) >> YEAH.
>> Stephen: OF THE MOVIE "BELFAST," WHICH, AS I SAID TO
KENNETH BRANAGH WHEN HE WAS ON HERE, THE DIRECTOR AND THE
WRITER OF "BELFAST," IT'S A HEARTBREAKINGLY BEAUTIFUL MOVIE.
IIT HAS JUST STAYED WITH ME AS F I JUST WATCHED IT, EVEN THOUGH I
SAW IT MONTHS AGO. AND IT'S SUCH A WONDERFULLY
IRISH MOVIE. IT'S FUNNY AND IT'S SAD AND IT'S
FUNNY ABOUT BEING SAD, WHICH IS JUST INCREDIBLE.
>> WHAT IRISH PEOPLE DO WELL. >> Stephen: EXACTLY.
AS SOMEONE WHO IS IRISH YOURSELF, WHAT WAS IT LIKE FOR
YOU TO TELL THIS STORY OF THE BEGINNING OF THE TROUBLES IN
'69? >> I MEAN, IT WAS-- YOU KNOW, I
THINK FOR EVERYONE INVOLVED IT BECAME VERY PERSONAL.
YOU KNOW, I KNOW THIS IS KEN'S VERY SPECIFIC STORY BUT, YOU
KNOW, WHEN I READ IT FIRST, I FELT LIKE I RECOGNIZED MINE, I
FELT LIKE IT WAS PARALLEL'S TO MY MOM AND HER JOURNEY AND ALSO
AS SOMEBODY WHO LEFT IRELAND AT 18, I FELT A LOT OF THAT KIND O
OF, YOU KNOW, WHAT IT IS TO LEAVE SOMEWHERE AND WHAT IT IS
TO SORT OF LOSE THAT-- THAT GROUNDING OF HOME AND SORT OF BE
SEARCHING FOR IT AGAIN. YOU KNOW, IT JUST SPOKE TO ME IN
SUCH A BEAUTIFUL WAY. AND, YOU KNOW, I THINK ALSO WHAT
IT HAS AT ITS HEART, WHICH IS SO GORGEOUS, IT HAS THIS MESSAGE OF
TOLERANCE WHICH, YOU KNOW, I THINK ESPECIALLY AT THIS MOMENT
EVERYWHERE IN THE WORLD, YOU KNOW, THAT'S SOMETHING WE CAN
ALL GET A BIG DOSE OF. >> Stephen: YES.
>> YOU KNOW? >> Stephen: FOR THE PEOPLE WHO
HAVEN'T SEEN IT YET-- ( APPLAUSE )
IT YET, IT-- YOU ARE THE MOTHER OF A FAMILY THAT IS A PROTESTANT
FAMILY THAT LIVES IN A NEIGHBORHOOD WHERE CATHOLICS AND
PROTESTANTS LIVE-- >> IN HARMONY.
>> Stephen: AMICABLY, AND THAT DOESN'T GO DOWN WELL WITH THOSE
WHO TONIGHT WANT THE NEIGHBORHOODS MIXED, THEY WANT
THEM SEPARATED. >> I THINK WHAT HAPPENS IS IT'S
A VERY-- DIVISIVENESS IS A VERY CHEAP TOOL FOR PEOPLE WHO WANT
TO CONTROL THINGS AND GAIN POWER AND --
>> Stephen: IT'S A LAZY POLITICAL IDEOLOGY.
>> IT'S A LAZY POLITICAL IDEOLOGY.
UNFORTUNATELY, IT'S USED FAR TOO OFTEN.
AND IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD WHERE KEN GREW UP, CATHOLIC AND
PROTESTANT FAMILIES WERE LIVING SIDE BY SIDE, NO PROBLEM.
THERE WERE, YOU KNOW, SOCIAL ISSUES IN BELFAST, AND THERE WAS
UNREST, BUT IT SORT OF-- IT CAME TO THIS STREET AND, YOU KNOW,
THIS IS TOLD THROUGH THE EYES OF BUDDY WHO IS PLAYED INCREDIBLY
BY JUE HILL, THE MOST GORGEOUS KID.
>> Stephen: IT'S AN AMAZING PERFORMANCE.
>> AMAZING PERFORMANCE. AND THE WAY KEN WANTED TO SHOW
THIS IS WE'VE HAD LOTS OF FILMS ABOUT NORTHERN ISLAND, ABOUT THE
TROUBLES THAT DEAL WITH THE IDEOLOGY AND THE POLITICS OF IT.
BUT WHAT KEN REALLY WANTED TO DO WAS DISTILL IT DOWN, SHOW HOW IT
IT AFFECTEDLY ORDINARY, EVERYDAY PEOPLE WHO DIDN'T ASK FOR IT AND
WHAT THE EFFECT WAS. AND I THINK HE MANAGED TO DO
THAT SO BEAUTIFULLY. >> Stephen: WHEN KENNETH
BRANAGH WAS HERE TALKING ABOUT THE FILM, HE SAID IT'S ABOUT THE
HOME-- LEAVING HOME AND THE HOME YOU TAKE WITH YOU.
AND YOU WERE JUST SAYING THAT YOU HAVE THESE FEELINGS.
YOU LEFT A SMALL TOWN IN IRELAND NOT FAR FROM THE ACTUAL BORDER
UP THERE. AND I'M CURIOUS, IN WHAT WAYS
HAVE YOU-- HAVE YOU BROUGHT YOUR HOME WITH YOU WHERE YOU GO?
WHAT STAYS WITH YOU? >> I THINK IT ENDS UP BEING THE
PEOPLE THAT YOU GATHER, RIGHT? YOU KNOW, RIGHT NOW MY HUSBAND
AND MY SON I THINK, YOU KNOW, THAT'S MY HOME AND WHEREVER WE
GO, WE'LL ALWAYS HAVE THAT. BUT, YOU KNOW, I-- I'VE
DEFINITELY, SINCE I'VE LEFT, I THINK YOU CREATE FAMILY WHEREVER
YOU GO BY JUST CREATING BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE AROUND YOU.
SO... >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A
BRIEF BREAK, BUT STICK AROUND. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE
CAITRIÍONA BALFE. ♪ ♪ ♪
CAITRIONA BALFE. THE LAST TIME YOU WERE HERE YOU
TALKED A LITTLE BIT ABOUT THE SMALL TOWN THAT YOU GREW UP IN,
AND I'M AFRAID I WILL MISPRONOUNCE THE NAME.
>> MONAHAN. >> Stephen: SO IS THERE--
WASN'T THAT-- IT'S ON THE BORDER.
>> SO IT'S VERY CLOSE. I GREW UP PROBABLY ABOUT SIX,
SEVEN MILES SOUTH OF THE BORDER. >> Stephen: THAT'S REALLY
CLOSE. >> REALLY CLOSE.
>> Stephen: DID YOU HAVE ANY, IN THE LATER YEARS OF THE
TROUBLES, DID YOU HAVE ANY-- WHAT ARE YOUR MEMORIES OF THAT
AS A CHILD? DID IT AFFECT YOU?
>> WELL, I MEAN, IT'S DIFFERENT. OBVIOUSLY, WE DIDN'T GROW UP IN
BELFAST, AND THAT'S A VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE.
BUT AS A BORDER CHILD, YOU SORT OF WERE CONSTANTLY BATTING UP
AGAINST IT. WE WOULD GO GROCERY SHOPPING
ONCE A WEEK THERE. >> Stephen: BETTER GROCERIES
UP THERE? >> , YOU KNOW, IT'S WHEN THE
IRISH POUND WAS STRONGER THAN THE STERLING, EVERYONE IN MY
TOWN WOULD GO ACROSS THE NORTH TO GO SHOPPING AND IT WAS THAT
KIND OF THING. I REMEMBER-- MY DAD WAS A
POLICE, IS BUT MY MOM WOULD NORMALLY BE TAKING US GROCERY
SHOPPING. AND WE WOULD SIT IN THE BACK, MY
BROTHER AND I, AND WOULD BE WITH ALL THE GROCERY BAGS.
AND USUALLY, BECAUSE YOU HAD TO COME THROUGH CUSTOMS AS WELL, SO
USUALLY THERE WOULD BE A COUPLE OF CARTONS OF CIGARETTES HID
UNDERNEATH THAT WE WOULD BE MADE SIT ON.
>> Stephen: UNDER THE CHILDREN.
>> YES. MY MOM'S GOING TO LOVE THAT I
TOLD THIS STORY. BUT ANYWAY, BUT, YEAH, IT WAS
THAT KIND OF THING. YOU'RE CONSTANTLY GOING BACK AND
FORTH. WE USED TO GO TO THE DENTIST IN
THE NORTH. YEAH, IT'S AN EVERYDAY PART OF
YOUR LIFE, AND IT'S A CONSTANT BACKDROP.
AND, YOU KNOW, THE BOMB SCARES IN OUR TUNE OR THE BOMBINGS THAT
WOULD HAPPEN JUST OVER THE BORDER, YOU KNOW, THOSE WERE
SORT OF CONSTANT IN MY CHILDHOOD.
>> Stephen: YOU SAID YOU WENT TO NORTHERN IRELAND, THE U.K.,
FOR YOUR DENTISTS? THE ONE THING THE U.K. IS KNOWN
FOR IS FANTASTIC TEETH. >> HAVE YOU SEEN IRISH TEETH.
>> Stephen: YOURS LOOK LOVELY. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT DENTIST.
>> I DON'T KNOW WHY. I THINK-- I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW.
I THINK THEREOF-- I THINK THE TOWN DENTIST WAS A BIT OF AN
ALCOHOLIC AND HAD A SHAKY HAND AND MY MOM USED TO TAKE US OVER
THE BORDER. >> Stephen: WITH THE DRILLS.
YOUR TEETH WOULD COME OUT LOOKING LIKE SCRIMSHAW.
YOU TOOK YOUR MOM TO THE PREMIERE.
>> YES. >> Stephen: WHICH IS A LOVELY
THING. DID SHE HAVE A GOOD TIME.
>> SHE HAD AN AMAZING TIME. IT WAS SO SPECIAL BECAUSE THERE
IS SO MUCH OF MY MOM INFLUENCED IN MY PERFORMANCE.
AND, YOU KNOW, SHE-- THE END OF IT, SHE WAS JUST LIKE, "OH, I
JUST DIDN'T WANT IT TO END." FOR SOMEONE WHO FALLS ASLEEP
DURING NEARLY EVERYTHING ELSE I'VE EVER BEEN IN, THAT WAS--
THAT WAS THE BIGGEST COMPLIMENT I THINK I COULD HAVE EVER
GOTTEN. >> Stephen: I WAS SAYING TO
JON BEFORE,ED ABOUTS THIS WONDERFUL PERFORMANCE IN
"BELFAST," THERE'S THE WONDERFUL PERFORMANCE IN "OUTLANDER,"
WHICH IS STARTING IN MARCH. ( APPLAUSE )
>> YES. >> Stephen: WHAT SEASON-- WHAT
SEASON ARE YOU GUYS COMING BACK FOR?
>> SEASON SIX IS AIRING IN MARCH, AND WE WILL BE GOING BACK
TO FILM SEASON SEVEN VERY SEEN. >> tephen: OKAY, SO
PASSIONATE, PASSIONATE FAN BASE. PEOPLE ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT.
SEVERAL PEOPLE HERE, ACTUALLY. AND I'M CURIOUS, WHAT IS IT LIKE
TO HAVE A FAN BASE THAT'S SORT OF PASSIONATE AND ADDICTED AND
INVESTED? >> IT'S AMAZING.
AT TIMES IT CAN BE... YOU KNOW, THERE CAN BE INTERESTING
MOMENTS, I'D SAY. I-- SO I KIND OF RECENTLY HAD TO
GO UNDER-- UNDER ANESTHESIA BECAUSE I WAS HAVING DENTAL
SURGERY-- NOT WITH THE ALCOHOLIC GUY.
GUY. ( LAUGHTER )
ANESTHESIOLOGIST CAME IN AND SHE HAD AN "OUTLANDER" MUG, AND HE
WAS LIKE, "I'M YURG BIGGEST FAN."
AND I WAS LIKE, THIS IS GOOD. SHE'S GOING TO TAKE CARE OF ME.
SHE WAS TELLING ME HOW SHE WAS GOING TO PUT ME UNDER AND KEPT
ASKING ME QUESTIONS ABOUT THE SERIES AND HOW WHAT'S GOING TO
HAPPEN. AND I SAID I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO
TELL YOU STUFF. AND AS SHE INJECTED ME AND I
STARTED NODDING OFF SHE BEGAN TO SING THE THEME SONG.
AND I WAS LIKE NO! THAT WAS ONE OF THE STRANGER
INTERACTION S. >> Stephen: WERE YOU AFRAID
YOU WERE GOING TO WAKE UP FROM THE ANESTHETIC IN 15th
CENTURY SCOTLAND? >> I WAS GOING TO BE IN HER
BASEMENT WITH ALL OF THE JAMIE POSTERS EVERYWHERE.
>> Stephen: WELL, CAITRIONA, IT WAS WILLFUL TO HAVE YOU.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE.
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR HAVING ME.
>> Stephn: IT'S AN EXTRAORDINARY MOVIE.
CONGRATULATIONS ON "BELFAST." >> THANK YOU SO MUCH.
>> Stephen: "BELFAST" IS IN THEATERS NOW AND AVAILABLE ON
DEMAND. CAITRIONA BALFE, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. ♪ ♪ ♪
LATE SHOW." TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUEST
WILL BE LIEV SCHREIBER. GOOD NIGHT!