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00:00:02,001 --> 00:00:06,773
57-YEAR-OLD MARYLAND MAN
WITH TERMINAL HEART DISEASE
HAS NOW
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00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:10,944
SURVIVED A TRANSPLANT
SURGERY USING A GENETICALLY
MODIFIED
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00:00:11,010 --> 00:00:13,012
HEART FROM A PIG.
♪ ♪ ♪
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00:00:13,880 --> 00:00:18,251
>> HE WAS A FARMER WHO
NEEDED A HEART BUT DIDN'T
KNOW WHERE TO
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00:00:18,318 --> 00:00:23,590
GET ONE, UNTIL ONE DAY, HE
REALIZED IT WAS THERE ALL
ALONG.
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00:00:23,656 --> 00:00:27,494
>> I'LL TAKE YOURS.
I'LL TAKE YOURS.
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00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:32,966
>> AND NOW, THERE'S ONLY ONE
THING THAT CAN REPLACE
BABE'S
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00:00:33,032 --> 00:00:36,269
HEART: VENGEANCE.
THIS SUMMER, WARNER BROTHERS
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00:00:36,336 --> 00:00:41,841
PRESENTS THE HEART-STEALING
TALE"BABY THREE, PAN CHESTA
WITH
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00:00:41,908 --> 00:00:43,977
A VENDETTA.
VENDETTA."
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THIS LITTLE PIGGY WENT TO
MARKET, THIS LITTLE PIGGY
STAYED
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00:00:46,746 --> 00:00:48,815
HOME, AND THIS LITTLE PIGGY
GOT EVEN.
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00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:53,820
>> FIRST IT'S A PIG HEART,
THEN IT'S A SHEEP KIDNEY.
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00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:55,889
WHERE DOES IT END!
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00:01:05,999 --> 00:01:08,601
>> BABE'S OUTSIDE OUR WINDOW
AND HE'S ARMED.
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00:01:08,668 --> 00:01:13,940
>> THIS SUMMER, PAYBACK IS A
BORE
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00:01:14,007 --> 00:01:16,009
♪ OLD McDONALD HAD IT COMING
♪
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00:01:17,944 --> 00:01:24,350
>> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE
SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
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00:01:24,417 --> 00:01:26,953
TONIGHT:
FOR ONLY A MATTER OF TIME.
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00:01:27,020 --> 00:01:31,858
AND KEANU REEVES TAKES THE
COLBERT QUESTIONERT.
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00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:37,964
PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES:
CAITRIONA BALFE
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00:01:38,031 --> 00:01:41,968
FEATURING JON BATISTE AND
STAY
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00:01:42,035 --> 00:01:43,236
HUMAN.
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00:01:43,303 --> 00:01:46,506
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM
THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN
NEW YORK
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00:01:46,573 --> 00:01:48,575
CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
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00:01:52,111 --> 00:01:55,615
♪ ♪ ♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
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00:01:55,682 --> 00:02:10,563
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
STEPHEN!
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00:02:10,630 --> 00:02:16,002
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
STEPHEN!
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00:02:16,069 --> 00:02:17,537
STEPHEN!
STEPHEN!
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>> Stephen: THANK YOU,
EVERYBODY, PLEASE HAVE A
SEAT.
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00:02:21,307 --> 00:02:27,447
WELCOME, ONE AND ALL IN HERE
OUT THERE TO "THE LATE
SHOW."
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I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN
COLBERT. ( CHEERS AND
APPLAUSE )
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00:02:34,554 --> 00:02:36,089
TIMES.
WHY?
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00:02:36,155 --> 00:02:38,458
I DUNNO.
THAT'S HOW CONFUSING THEY
ARE.
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00:02:38,525 --> 00:02:40,527
IF THIS PANDEMIC WERE A
MOVIE, IT WOULD BE "TENET."
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00:02:40,593 --> 00:02:43,296
IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO
UNDERSTAND, AND I JUST WISH
IT WOULD END,
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00:02:43,363 --> 00:02:45,398
WHICH TURNS OUT, IS THE
BEGINNING!
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00:02:45,465 --> 00:02:53,373
( LAUGHTER )
CONFUSION.
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00:02:53,439 --> 00:02:58,378
WHAT ARE WE LOOKING AT?
FOR ABOUT 22 MONTHS, PUBLIC
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00:02:58,444 --> 00:02:59,612
HEALTH OFFICIALS HAVE
CONSISTENTLY TOLD US TO DO
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00:02:59,679 --> 00:03:04,050
EVERYTHING POSSIBLE TO AVOID
GETTING COVID.
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00:03:04,117 --> 00:03:07,186
BUT IN THE LAST SEVERAL
DAYS, IF YOU'VE NOTICED, THE
MESSAGE
43
00:03:07,253 --> 00:03:10,223
HAS SHIFTED SUBTLY.
THEY'RE TRYING TO MAKE US
GET
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00:03:10,290 --> 00:03:11,858
USED TO ALL THIS.
FOR INSTANCE, YESTERDAY,
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00:03:11,925 --> 00:03:13,793
DR. ANTHONY FAUCI ADDRESSED
THE CURRENT SPIKE AND SAID,
"OMICRON
46
00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:15,295
WILL INFECT JUST ABOUT
EVERYBODY."
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00:03:15,361 --> 00:03:19,933
DO YOU HEAR THAT?
BEING ATTACKED FOR TWO YEARS
HAS
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00:03:19,999 --> 00:03:24,938
CLEARLY BROKEN DR. FAUCI:
"RIP OFF YOUR MASK!
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00:03:25,004 --> 00:03:27,941
GO TO HOT YOGA!
ON THE WAY HOME, TONGUE A
HOBO!
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00:03:28,007 --> 00:03:32,946
I DON'T GIVE A VACCINATED
CRAP. WE'RE ALL DOOMED.
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00:03:33,012 --> 00:03:34,180
YOU CAN ALL TAKE A RAPID
TEST AND STICK IT WHERE THE
SUN DON'T
52
00:03:34,247 --> 00:03:35,848
SHINE.
IT'S ACTUALLY MORE ACCURATE
53
00:03:35,915 --> 00:03:40,954
THAT WAY."
BUT THERE IS A SILVER
LINING.
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00:03:41,020 --> 00:03:43,957
ACCORDING TO DR. FAUCI,
THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN
VACCINATED WILL
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00:03:44,023 --> 00:03:49,963
"VERY LIKELY, WITH SOME
EXCEPTIONS, DO REASONABLY
WELL."
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00:03:50,029 --> 00:03:55,969
OKAY, THERE ARE CERTAIN
THINGS I DON'T WANT TO
EQUIVOCATE ON.
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00:03:56,035 --> 00:03:58,438
MY LIFE IS ONE OF THEM.
YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR A
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00:03:58,504 --> 00:03:59,906
SKYDIVING INSTRUCTOR SAY,
"JUMP FROM THE PLANE.
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00:03:59,973 --> 00:04:08,915
YOU WILL VERY LIKELY, WITH
SOME EXCEPTIONS, DO
REASONABLY WELL."
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00:04:08,982 --> 00:04:11,651
BUT VACCINES AND BOOSTERS
WORK, BECAUSE FAUCI ALSO
SAID THAT
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00:04:11,718 --> 00:04:15,521
THOSE UNVACCINATED ARE 10
TIMES LIKELIER TO BE
INFECTED AND 20
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00:04:15,588 --> 00:04:20,493
TIMES LIKELIER TO DIE.
THEY'RE ALSO 50 TIMES
LIKELIER
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00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:23,930
TO START A FIGHT WITH A
KROGER EMPLOYEE BECAUSE THE
MEXICAN
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00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:30,837
FOOD SECTION IS IN SPANISH.
( LAUGHTER )
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00:04:30,903 --> 00:04:33,740
GONNA GET IT, FAUCI MAY NOT
BE EXAGGERATING.
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00:04:33,806 --> 00:04:37,944
THE C.E.O. OF UNITED
AIRLINES SAID THAT "4% OF
ITS U.S.
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00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:42,849
EMPLOYEES HAVE TESTED
POSITIVE FOR COVID-19," AND
"IN ONE DAY
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00:04:42,915 --> 00:04:46,886
ALONE AT NEWARK, NEARLY
ONE-THIRD OF THEIR WORKFORCE
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00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:54,861
CALLED OUT SICK."
ALTHOUGH, THAT MIGHT NOT BE
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00:04:54,927 --> 00:04:56,996
ENTIRELY COVID RELATED.
AT LEAST SOME MIGHT BE
SUFFERING
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00:04:57,063 --> 00:05:00,800
FROM THE PREEXISTING
CONDITION OF NOT WANTING TO
GO TO NEW
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00:05:00,867 --> 00:05:04,003
YORK.
( APPLAUSE )
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00:05:04,070 --> 00:05:07,907
ACCORDING TO THE WORLD
HEALTH ORGANIZATION, IN THE
NEXT SIX TO
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00:05:07,974 --> 00:05:11,444
EIGHT WEEKS, HALF OF THE
POPULATION IN WESTERN EUROPE
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00:05:11,511 --> 00:05:14,313
WILL BE INFECTED WITH COVID.
AND BASED ON THE LAST TIME
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00:05:14,380 --> 00:05:15,748
SOMETHING SPREAD THIS
AGGRESSIVELY THROUGH WESTERN
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00:05:15,815 --> 00:05:18,918
EUROPE, I'M GONNA GO AHEAD
AND SAY FRANCE HAS ALREADY
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00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:22,922
SURRENDERED.
( LAUGHTER )
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00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:35,935
THE HUGE SURGE IN COVID
CASES IN WORKERS, COMBINED
WITH WINTER
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00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:38,738
WEATHER, HAS EMPTIED GROCERY
STORE SHELVES.
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00:05:38,805 --> 00:05:40,940
I WENT GROCERY SHOPPING THIS
WEEKEND TO PICK UP A FEW
THINGS,
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00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:44,944
MADE A BOLOGNESE, AND I GOT
OVER TO THE MEAT DEPARTMENT,
AND I
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00:05:45,011 --> 00:05:48,114
WAS SURPRISED THAT THEY WERE
OUT ONE ITEM, AND IT WAS
MEAT.
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00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:50,616
RIGHT NOW, THERE ARE
SHORTAGES IN A LOT OF
THINGS, FROM CREAM
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00:05:50,683 --> 00:05:53,086
CHEESE TO PAPER TOWELS,
CHILDREN'S JUICE BOXES, AND
CAT
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00:05:53,152 --> 00:05:58,091
FOOD.
AND WE DO NOT WANT TO RUN
OUT OF
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00:05:58,157 --> 00:06:03,596
CAT FOOD BECAUSE IF WE DO
ALL THEY'LL HAVE LEFT TO
EAT...
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00:06:03,663 --> 00:06:05,798
IS MAN.
THEY'VE BEEN WAITING.
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00:06:05,865 --> 00:06:11,437
OH, THEY'VE BEEN WAITING.
THIS SHORTAGE IS HITTING
ITEMS
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00:06:11,504 --> 00:06:15,708
IN EVERY DEPARTMENT,
INCLUDING BIRDS EYE FROZEN
VEGETABLES AND
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00:06:15,775 --> 00:06:21,848
SLIM JIM MEAT SNACKS.
NOT AMERICA'S MEAT SNACKS!
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00:06:21,914 --> 00:06:23,416
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SNAP
INTO, a CARROT?
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00:06:23,483 --> 00:06:27,887
THAT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE A
TUBE FULL OF GREASY HAIR.
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00:06:27,954 --> 00:06:28,921
NOW NATURALLY--
( LAUGHTER )
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00:06:28,988 --> 00:06:30,790
THAT HIT HOME.
THAT HIT HOME.
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00:06:30,857 --> 00:06:39,899
I LOVE-- I LOVE--
>> Jon: LIKE THE SLIM JIMS?
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00:06:39,966 --> 00:06:41,434
>> Stephen: NATURALLY, THIS
IS CAUSING PRICES TO GO UP.
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00:06:41,501 --> 00:06:44,937
ACCORDING TO THE LATEST
NUMBERS, INFLATION SOARED 7%
IN THE PAST
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00:06:45,004 --> 00:06:47,440
YEAR, THE MOST SINCE 1982.
AND REMEMBER, BACK IN '82,
THE
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00:06:47,507 --> 00:06:51,944
PRICE OF AN AIRLINE TICKET
WAS SO HIGH, AMERICANS WERE
FORCED
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00:06:52,011 --> 00:06:55,114
TO TRAVEL VIA ALIEN-POWERED
SKY BIKE.
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00:06:55,181 --> 00:07:00,887
( LAUGHTER )
SUPPLY PROBLEMS, USED CAR
PRICES
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00:07:00,953 --> 00:07:02,855
ARE UP MORE THAN 37%.
SO THE USED CAR FOLKS ARE
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00:07:02,922 --> 00:07:04,891
GETTING RICH.
IN FACT, I SAW ONE OF THOSE
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00:07:04,957 --> 00:07:12,899
INFLATABLE FLOPPY GUYS
DRIVING A TESLA.
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00:07:12,965 --> 00:07:16,903
( LAUGHTER )
LUXURY CARS ARE ALSO DOING
WELL.
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00:07:16,969 --> 00:07:21,240
ROLLS-ROYCE SET AN ALL-TIME
SALES RECORD IN 2021 FOR A
VERY
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00:07:21,307 --> 00:07:25,278
TROUBLING REASON ACCORDING
TO THE COMPANY'S C.E.O.,
TORSTEN
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00:07:25,344 --> 00:07:29,282
MULLER-OTVOS-- WHOSE NAME,
OBVIOUSLY, IS AN ANAGRAM FOR
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00:07:29,348 --> 00:07:35,321
"TORMENTOR LOVES SLUT."
( LAUGHTER )
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00:07:35,388 --> 00:07:38,324
DON'T KNOW WHY.
I DON'T KNOW WHY IT IS, BUT
IT
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00:07:38,391 --> 00:07:41,260
IS.
THAT'S TRUE.
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00:07:41,327 --> 00:07:44,597
OTVOS TOLD THE "FINANCIAL
TIMES," "QUITE A LOT OF
PEOPLE
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00:07:44,664 --> 00:07:47,800
WITNESSED PEOPLE IN THEIR
COMMUNITY DYING FROM COVID.
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00:07:47,867 --> 00:07:51,003
THAT MAKES THEM THINK LIFE
CAN BE SHORT, AND YOU'D
BETTER LIVE
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00:07:51,070 --> 00:07:53,239
NOW RATHER THAN POSTPONE IT
TO A LATER DATE."
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00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:56,142
IT'S ALL SUMMED UP IN THEIR
SLOGAN:
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00:07:56,209 --> 00:07:58,644
"LIFE IS TOO SHORT NOT TO
LOOK LIKE A HUGE DOUCHE."
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00:07:58,711 --> 00:08:02,615
( LAUGHTER )
I'M HAPPY-- GOTTA ACT.
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00:08:02,682 --> 00:08:04,116
GOTTA ACT NOW.
THINK ABOUT IT.
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00:08:04,183 --> 00:08:09,255
THINK ABOUT IT.
I'M HAPPY TO SAY THERE COULD
BE
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00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:13,259
HOPE ON THE HORIZON.
EXPERTS THINK OMICRON MAY BE
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00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:17,797
HEADED FOR A RAPID DROP IN
BRITAIN AND THE UNITED
STATES.
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00:08:17,864 --> 00:08:20,800
YES, THE WORST OF IT COULD
BE OVER BY MARCH, AND BY THE
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00:08:20,867 --> 00:08:22,034
SUMMER, OMICRON WILL BE SO
OUT OF THE HEADLINES, ITS
PUBLICIST
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00:08:22,101 --> 00:08:23,903
WILL BOOK IT ON "DANCING
WITH THE STARS."
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00:08:23,970 --> 00:08:29,876
( LAUGHTER )
UNIVERSITY OF WASHINGTON,
THE
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00:08:29,942 --> 00:08:36,449
TRUE DAILY CASE NUMBER HAS
ALREADY PEAKED, HITTING SIX
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00:08:36,515 --> 00:08:39,252
MILLION ON JANUARY 6.
JANUARY 6?!
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00:08:39,318 --> 00:08:41,087
THAT'S A STRANGE
COINCIDENCE. CAN WE SEE
OMICRON UNDER A
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00:08:41,153 --> 00:08:45,258
MICROSCOPE?
AH-HA!
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00:08:45,324 --> 00:08:59,772
( LAUGHTER )
MORE PROMISING NEWS:
ACCORDING
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00:08:59,839 --> 00:09:03,175
TO A RECENT STUDY, COVID
LOSES 50% OF ITS ABILITY TO
INFECT
134
00:09:03,242 --> 00:09:05,278
AFTER 10 SECONDS IN OFFICE
AIR. I'M NOT SURPRISED.
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00:09:05,344 --> 00:09:06,479
A LOT OF PEOPLE LOSE THEIR
WILL TO REPRODUCE WHEN
THEY'RE
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00:09:06,545 --> 00:09:13,252
IN A DEAD-END OFFICE JOB.
COVID SHOULD TRY BUYING A
FUN
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00:09:13,319 --> 00:09:16,455
MUG, OR MAYBE A YOGA BALL
CHAIR. WE HAVE SOME GOOD
NEWS FROM A
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00:09:16,522 --> 00:09:19,292
SOURCE NOT KNOWN FOR IT:
FLORIDA.
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00:09:19,358 --> 00:09:27,066
( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
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00:09:27,133 --> 00:09:29,969
AND DAD HAVING WAY TOO MUCH
FUN AT THE NEWS MUSEUM--
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00:09:30,036 --> 00:09:35,741
RON DeESANTIS.
EARLIER THIS WEEK, WE
LEARNED
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00:09:35,808 --> 00:09:38,711
THAT GOVERNOR DeSANTIS
ALLOWED UP TO A MILLION OF
FLORIDA'S
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00:09:38,778 --> 00:09:41,781
COVID TESTS EXPIRE IN A
WAREHOUSE.
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00:09:41,847 --> 00:09:45,851
NOTHING GOOD EVER HAPPENS IN
A FLORIDA WAREHOUSE, UNLESS
YOU
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00:09:45,918 --> 00:09:49,322
PLACED YOUR BETS ON THE
RIGHT COKED-UP SNAPPING
TURTLE.
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00:09:49,388 --> 00:09:53,793
LUCKILY, THE FEDS STEPPED IN
TO SAVE THE DAY, BECAUSE
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00:09:53,859 --> 00:09:57,897
YESTERDAY, THE F.D.A.
ANNOUNCED THEY'VE EXTENDED
THE SHELF LIFE
148
00:09:57,964 --> 00:10:02,234
FOR THE EXPIRED TEST KITS.
THIS IS GREAT-- YEAH, SURE,
GIVE
149
00:10:02,301 --> 00:10:06,405
IT UP FOR EXPIRED TEST KITS.
( APPLAUSE )
150
00:10:06,472 --> 00:10:15,948
FOR FOLKS DOWN IN FLORIDA
WHO NEED TESTS.
151
00:10:16,015 --> 00:10:17,283
BUT IT'S EVEN BETTER FOR ME,
BECAUSE THE F.D.A. IS
FINALLY
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00:10:17,350 --> 00:10:19,485
CONFIRMING WHAT I'VE KNOWN
FOR YEARS: EXPIRATION DATES
ARE A
153
00:10:19,552 --> 00:10:20,953
MYTH, A MERE SUGGESTION.
IF THEY WEREN'T, WHY WOULD I
154
00:10:21,020 --> 00:10:29,729
STILL HAVE THIS ACTUAL CAN
OF SAUSAGE THAT I ACTUALLY
KEEP
155
00:10:29,795 --> 00:10:33,766
IN MY ACTUAL OFFICE THAT IS
ACTUALLY FROM THE 1970s?
156
00:10:33,833 --> 00:10:40,506
( LAUGHTER )
SAUSAGE, YOU MAY BE?
157
00:10:40,573 --> 00:10:47,413
I WAS A YOUNG ACTOR IN
CHICAGO, YOUNG AND HUNGRY.
158
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:49,281
SO MY LOVING MOTHER SENT ME
A CARE PACKAGE WITH A BUNCH
OF
159
00:10:49,348 --> 00:10:56,122
RAMEN NOODLES, AND FOR SOME
REASON, AT THE LAST MINUTE,
160
00:10:56,188 --> 00:10:58,758
THREW IN THIS CAN OF SAUSAGE
THAT HAD ALREADY BEEN IN HER
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00:10:58,824 --> 00:11:05,264
I REMEMBER THIS CAN AS A
CHILD, MEANING, THE CHURCH
FOOD DRIVE
162
00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:09,268
SAID, "NO, THANK YOU."
AND I HAVE KEPT THIS CAN OF
163
00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:11,937
SAUSAGE EVER SINCE-- IT
RATTLES A LITTLE.
164
00:11:12,004 --> 00:11:13,973
AND 35 YEARS LATER, THE
INGREDIENTS SOUND DELICIOUS:
165
00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:20,112
PORK STOMACHS, BEEF LIPS,
COOKED BEEF FAT TISSUE
SOLIDS, CEREAL,
166
00:11:20,179 --> 00:11:22,748
WATER, BEEF.
( LAUGHTER )
167
00:11:22,815 --> 00:11:33,959
FLAVORING-- AS IF SALT ISN'T
FLAVORING ENOUGH-- SODIUM
168
00:11:34,026 --> 00:11:35,961
NITRITE.
SO THANKS TO THE F.D.A.S NEW
169
00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:39,965
RULING, I COULD OPEN THIS
AND AND ENJOY THEM, JUST
LIKE THE
170
00:11:40,032 --> 00:11:46,439
DAY THEY WERE CANNED.
BUT I WON'T, BECAUSE THE CAN
171
00:11:46,505 --> 00:11:51,177
ON THE LABEL, COMMANDS ME
TO, "SERVE AS ILLUSTRATED."
172
00:11:51,243 --> 00:11:57,883
NOT SERVING SUGGESTION, "AS
ILLUSTRATED."
173
00:11:57,950 --> 00:11:59,218
AND, UNFORTUNATELY, I LEFT
MY CANOF FRIED EGGS AT HOME.
174
00:11:59,285 --> 00:12:00,486
SO TO ANYONE WATCHING-- AND
ESPECIALLY MY WIFE, EVIE,
WHO
175
00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:03,789
WOULD NOT LET ME KEEP THIS
CAN OF SAUSAGES AT HOME
ANYMORE--
176
00:12:03,856 --> 00:12:09,929
THAT'S WHY IT'S AT MY
OFFICE. THESE ARE STILL
GOOD.
177
00:12:09,995 --> 00:12:12,431
AND THAT'S NOT ME SAYING IT.
IT'S THE FOOD "AND" DRUG
178
00:12:12,498 --> 00:12:15,935
ADMINISTRATION.
AND THESE SAUSAGES ARE
179
00:12:16,001 --> 00:12:18,838
DEFINITELY FOOD "OR" DRUGS--
AT THIS POINT, I'M GOING TO
180
00:12:18,904 --> 00:12:23,943
GUESS BOTOX.
THANKS, MOM.
181
00:12:24,009 --> 00:12:26,779
SPEAKING OF DRUGS, A NEW
STUDY HAS FOUND--
182
00:12:26,846 --> 00:12:35,955
( APPLAUSE )
WOULD LIKE TO THINK THAT
WHEN MY
183
00:12:36,021 --> 00:12:39,458
MOTHER PACKED THAT CARDBOARD
BOX AND PUT THAT CAN IN
THERE SHE
184
00:12:39,525 --> 00:12:43,429
SAID, "THIS WILL BE A GOOD
JOKE 35 YEARS FROM NOW.
185
00:12:43,496 --> 00:12:44,864
HE'LL USE THIS.
HE'LL USE THIS.
186
00:12:44,930 --> 00:12:50,236
THE.
♪ ♪ ♪
187
00:12:50,302 --> 00:12:53,072
A NEW STUDY HAS FOUND THAT
CANNABIS COMPOUNDS STOPPED
188
00:12:53,139 --> 00:12:54,907
INFECTION BY THE COVID-19
VIRUS. GREAT NEWS FOR ALL
THE TEENAGERS
189
00:12:54,974 --> 00:12:57,776
WHOSE PARENTS FIND WEED IN
THEIR ROOM:
190
00:12:57,843 --> 00:13:01,413
"OH, MOM, I SEE YOU FOUND
THE COVID-STOPPING COMPOUNDS
THAT I
191
00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:04,850
HID IN MY SOCK DRAWER.
THOSE AREN'T MINE.
192
00:13:04,917 --> 00:13:10,890
NO, NO.
THOSE AREN'T MINE.
193
00:13:10,956 --> 00:13:12,224
I'M JUST HOLDING THEM FOR MY
FRIEND, TONY FAUCI."
194
00:13:12,291 --> 00:13:13,559
HERE'S HOW IT WORKS:
APPARENTLY, A COMPOUND FOUND
IN CANNABIS
195
00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:16,829
PREVENTS THE VIRUS THAT
CAUSES COVID FROM
PENETRATING HEALTHY
196
00:13:16,896 --> 00:13:20,933
HUMAN CELLS.
IN OTHER WORDS, THE POT
ENTERS
197
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:21,901
THE BODY AND ASKS COVID,
"ARE YOU A CELL?
198
00:13:21,967 --> 00:13:25,504
YOU HAVE TO TELL ME IF
YOU'RE A CELL."
199
00:13:25,571 --> 00:13:29,942
( LAUGHTER )
THE SCIENCE HERE, LET ME
REMIND
200
00:13:30,009 --> 00:13:32,945
YOU, THIS STUDY HAS BEEN
REVIEWED BY THE C.D.C.'S
STONER
201
00:13:33,012 --> 00:13:39,952
NEPHEW:
"THE T.H.C."
202
00:13:40,019 --> 00:13:43,923
THAT GIRL IS CLAPPING A
LITTLE TOO HARD RIGHT THERE.
203
00:13:43,989 --> 00:13:46,325
NOW, TECHNICALLY, THESE ARE
COMPOUNDS THAT HAVE TO BE
204
00:13:46,392 --> 00:13:47,927
EXTRACTED FROM THE PLANT AND
NOT SMOKED.
205
00:13:47,993 --> 00:13:50,963
BUT THERE'S ANECDOTAL
SUPPORT FOR THE COVID
-FIGHTING
206
00:13:51,030 --> 00:13:54,967
PROPERTIES OF WEED ITSELF,
BECAUSE AS OF TODAY-- AND
THIS
207
00:13:55,034 --> 00:13:57,970
IS TRUE-- THREE PEOPLE
WHO'VE YET TO GET COVID ARE
208
00:13:58,037 --> 00:14:01,407
SETH ROGEN, WILLIE NELSON,
AND SNOOP DOGG.
209
00:14:01,473 --> 00:14:04,410
THAT'S WHY SNOOP'S TEAMING
UP AGAIN WITH TRUSTED
210
00:14:04,476 --> 00:14:10,916
EPIDEMIOLOGIST DR. DRE FOR
THEIR NEW ALBUM, "THE
OMICHRONIC."
211
00:14:10,983 --> 00:14:12,918
( LAUGHTER )
TONIGHT.
212
00:14:12,985 --> 00:14:15,921
MY GUEST IS CAITRIÍONA
BALFE. BUT WHEN WE COME
BACK, A
213
00:14:15,988 --> 00:14:17,423
BUSINESS GETS THE "COLBERT
SMALL-BIZ BUMP" FOR THE
SECOND
214
00:14:17,489 --> 00:14:20,125
TIME!
THE DOUBLE BUMP!
215
00:14:20,192 --> 00:14:22,861
STICK AROUND.
♪ ♪ ♪
216
00:14:22,928 --> 00:14:24,863
( APPLAUSE )
217
00:14:59,031 --> 00:15:00,966
STAY HUMAN, EVERYBODY.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
218
00:15:19,985 --> 00:15:23,922
VERY-- I'M VERY EXCITED TO
TALK TO OUR GUEST TONIGHT,
CAITRIONA
219
00:15:23,989 --> 00:15:26,325
BALFE IS HERE.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU-- DID
YOU
220
00:15:26,392 --> 00:15:29,928
EVER SEE THE SEXY SCOTTISH
THING "OUTLANDER."
221
00:15:29,995 --> 00:15:31,597
SHE'S ALL SEXY AND SCOTTISH
IN THAT.
222
00:15:31,664 --> 00:15:33,565
>> Jon: OH, WOW.
>> Stephen: ACTUALLY, SHE'S
223
00:15:33,632 --> 00:15:38,337
ENGLISH, ACTUALLY, BUT IT
TAKES PLACE IN MEDIEVAL
SCOTLAND, I
224
00:15:38,404 --> 00:15:39,938
THINK.
I MORE THAN THINK, I KNOW,
225
00:15:40,005 --> 00:15:42,474
BECAUSE I'VE SEEN THE
SEXINESS. AND SHE'S ON HERE.
226
00:15:42,541 --> 00:15:45,210
SHE WAS JUST NOMINATED THIS
MORNING, RIGHT, FOR A SAG
AWARD
227
00:15:45,277 --> 00:15:49,415
FOR HER PERFORMANCE IN
KENNETH BRANAGH'S "BELFAST,"
228
00:15:49,481 --> 00:15:53,285
EXTRAORDINARY PERFORMANCE.
EXTRAORDINARY MOVIE,
229
00:15:53,352 --> 00:15:57,389
EXTRAORDINARY MOVIE.
VERY EXCITED ABOUT THAT.
230
00:15:57,456 --> 00:16:01,093
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, KEANU
REEVES IS GOING TO BE OUT
HERE
231
00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:03,929
IN JUST A MOMENT TO TAKE THE
COLBERT QUESTIONERT AS WELL.
232
00:16:03,996 --> 00:16:10,002
( APPLAUSE )
LATE SHOW" KNOW THAT FROM
TIME
233
00:16:10,069 --> 00:16:12,905
TO TIME, WE LIKE TO
HIGHLIGHT SMALL BUSINESSES
ACROSS THE
234
00:16:12,971 --> 00:16:15,941
COUNTRY THAT COULD USE A
BOOST, ESPECIALLY DURING
THIS PANDEMIC.
235
00:16:16,008 --> 00:16:20,012
RIGHT BEFORE THE HOLIDAYS,
WE EVEN MADE A COMMERCIAL
FOR A
236
00:16:20,079 --> 00:16:23,115
SMALL BUSINESS THAT COULD
USE A BUMP IN NEW HOPE,
MINNESOTA,
237
00:16:23,182 --> 00:16:25,384
CALLED "REDMON'S POPCORN,"
THAT FEATURED FRIEND OF THE
SHOW
238
00:16:25,451 --> 00:16:30,589
NICK OFFERMAN.
AND BECAUSE REDMON'S CALLS
239
00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:33,392
ITSELF THE "LUXURY VEHICLE
OF POPCORN," OUR AD WENT A
LITTLE
240
00:16:33,459 --> 00:16:39,898
SOMETHING LIKE THIS:
>> REDMON'S POPCORN:
241
00:16:39,965 --> 00:16:45,404
UNPARALLELED DESIGN,
UNRIVALED COMFORT, AND ABLE
TO POP FROM
242
00:16:45,471 --> 00:16:53,412
ZERO TO 60 IN 2.3 SECONDS.
HOW DOES REDMON'S GET EVERY
BITE
243
00:16:53,479 --> 00:16:57,216
PERFECTLY COATED WITH
FLAVOR? LET'S JUST SAY THEY
GO THE EXTRA
244
00:16:57,282 --> 00:16:58,484
MILE.
>> Stephen: AND OUR
COMMERCIAL
245
00:16:58,550 --> 00:17:01,387
WORKED!
BECAUSE THE VERY NEXT DAY,
246
00:17:01,453 --> 00:17:06,291
REDMON'S POPCORN HAD A LINE
OUT THE DOOR.
247
00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:08,460
PROVING--
( APPLAUSE )
248
00:17:08,527 --> 00:17:12,264
THAT IS BEAUTIFUL TO SEE.
THAT'S GREAT.
249
00:17:12,331 --> 00:17:14,900
PROVING IT'S NOT ONLY LIKE A
LUXURY VEHICLE.
250
00:17:14,967 --> 00:17:16,902
IT'S ALSO LIKE THE D.M.V.
AND ONE OF THOSE CUSTOMERS
WAS
251
00:17:16,969 --> 00:17:20,372
NONE OTHER THAN THE MAYOR OF
NEW HOPE, MINNESOTA HERSELF,
WHO'S
252
00:17:20,439 --> 00:17:26,912
NAME IS-- SAY IT WITH ME--
>> Audience: KATHI HEMKEN!
253
00:17:26,979 --> 00:17:28,914
>> Stephen: NO SURPRISE.
A LOT OF HEMKEN HEADS IN THE
254
00:17:28,981 --> 00:17:30,883
AUDIENCE TONIGHT.
SHOP OWNER, ZACK REDMON,
255
00:17:30,949 --> 00:17:34,353
DESCRIBED HIS EXPERIENCE
LIKE THIS:
256
00:17:34,420 --> 00:17:37,923
( PHONE RINGING )
BEEN HOT.
257
00:17:37,990 --> 00:17:41,927
IT JUST KEEPS-- CALLS,
EMAILS, TEXTS.
258
00:17:41,994 --> 00:17:43,028
IT'S CRAZY, SO... IT'S A
GOOD THING.
259
00:17:43,095 --> 00:17:45,063
>> Stephen: YEAH, IT WAS
GREAT NEWS FOR ZACK AND HIS
260
00:17:45,130 --> 00:17:47,933
BUSINESS.
ALTHOUGH, SOME OF THOSE
PEOPLE
261
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,736
MAY HAVE BEEN CALLING TO
INFORM HIM THAT LABELED HIS
262
00:17:50,803 --> 00:17:55,908
BUSINESS REDMON'S
"POOPCORN." WHICH IS "NOT" A
SMALL BUSINESS
263
00:17:55,974 --> 00:17:59,945
ENDORSED BY "THE LATE SHOW."
UNFORTUNATELY, THERE WAS ONE
BIG
264
00:18:00,012 --> 00:18:01,580
DOWNSIDE TO ALL THIS
ATTENTION, AND THAT'S THAT
JUST TWO DAYS
265
00:18:01,647 --> 00:18:04,850
AFTER THE AD AIRED, REDMON
HAD TO CLOSE HIS SHOP
BECAUSE COUNTY
266
00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:10,088
OFFICIALS INFORMED HIM THAT
HE NEEDS TO HAVE A
COMMERCIAL
267
00:18:10,155 --> 00:18:11,323
KITCHEN, AND THAT IT'S A
HAZARD FOR HIM TO HAVE A
LINE OF
268
00:18:11,390 --> 00:18:13,559
CUSTOMERS IN HIS STORE.
YES, WE ALL KNOW THE NUMBER
-ONE
269
00:18:13,625 --> 00:18:18,096
HAZARD AT ANY STORE IS
PEOPLE WANTING TO BE THERE.
270
00:18:18,163 --> 00:18:22,901
THAT'S WHY THE SAFEST
BUSINESS IN AMERICA IS UNCLE
GIUSEPPE'S
271
00:18:22,968 --> 00:18:28,907
USED RETAINER SHOPPE.
( LAUGHTER )
272
00:18:28,974 --> 00:18:32,911
TO HEAR THIS.
BUT TONIGHT, I HAVE SOME
GREAT
273
00:18:32,978 --> 00:18:34,413
NEWS: REDMON'S POPCORN HAS
RESOLVED THEIR ISSUES AND IS
NOW
274
00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:43,922
OFFICIALLY BACK IN BUSINESS!
AND TO CELEBRATE REDMON'S
GRAND
275
00:18:43,989 --> 00:18:47,926
REOPENING, WE HERE AT "THE
LATE SHOW" TOOK OUT A GIANT
BILLBOARD
276
00:18:47,993 --> 00:18:50,929
AD IN TIMES SQUARE!
TURNS OUT, THOSE ARE VERY
277
00:18:50,996 --> 00:18:55,234
EXPENSIVE, SO WE DID IT, BUT
WE WERE ONLY ABLE TO GET A
LITTLE
278
00:18:55,300 --> 00:19:00,873
AMOUNT OF TIME BY PREEMPTING
A BILLBOARD FOR ANOTHER CBS
SHOW.
279
00:19:00,939 --> 00:19:02,708
TAKE A LOOK AT WHAT ACTUALLY
HAPPENED TODAY IN TIMES
SQUARE.
280
00:19:02,774 --> 00:19:06,612
JOE, A DRUM ROLL PLEASE?
( DRUM ROLL )
281
00:19:06,678 --> 00:19:16,755
AND THERE IT GOES!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
282
00:19:16,822 --> 00:19:25,898
WORLD, BABY, CROSSROADS OF
THE WORLD.
283
00:19:25,964 --> 00:19:30,269
>> Jon: I LIKE THAT!
>> Stephen: UP IN LIGHTS!
284
00:19:30,335 --> 00:19:32,905
CONGRATULATIONS TO ZACK
REDMON ON HIS REOPENING.
285
00:19:32,971 --> 00:19:34,139
CHECK OUT THEIR SHOP OR
VISIT THEM ONLINE AT:
286
00:19:34,206 --> 00:19:38,143
redmonspopcorn.com.
YOU CAN ENJOY THE POPCORN
EATEN
287
00:19:38,210 --> 00:19:40,679
BY CELEBRITIES LIKE NICK
OFFERMAN AND THE MAYOR OF
288
00:19:40,746 --> 00:19:43,916
NEW HOPE, MINNESOTA,
HERSELF: >> Audience: KATHI
HEMKEN!
289
00:19:43,982 --> 00:19:46,685
>> Stephen: EVERYBODY LOVES
HER.
290
00:19:46,752 --> 00:19:50,722
REDMON'S POPCORN: THE
PERFECT SNACK TO ENJOY WHILE
WATCHING
291
00:19:50,789 --> 00:19:54,059
"GHOSTS," RIGHT HERE ON CBS,
THURSDAYS AT:
292
00:19:54,126 --> 00:19:56,929
>> Audience: 9:00 P.M.!
>> Stephen: AND WE WANT TO
KEEP
293
00:19:56,995 --> 00:19:58,664
HIGHLIGHTING OTHER GREAT
BUSINESSES OUT THERE, SO IF
YOU
294
00:19:58,730 --> 00:20:02,134
HAVE A SMALL BUSINESS THAT
COULD USE THE BUMP, JUST
POST TO
295
00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:08,106
SOCIAL MEDIA USING THE
HASHTAG #ColbertSmallBizBump
296
00:20:08,173 --> 00:20:12,611
AND TELL US WHAT ABOUT YOUR
BUSINESS MAKES IT SPECIAL.
297
00:20:12,678 --> 00:20:14,012
WHETHER YOU'VE GOT A FUNERAL
PARLOR IN PARADISE OR AN
298
00:20:14,079 --> 00:20:16,281
AMUSEMENT PARK IN BORING,
YOU COULD BE THE NEXT TO GET
A SMALL
299
00:20:16,348 --> 00:20:18,150
BIZ BUMP.
WHEN WE COME BACK, KEANU
REEVES
300
00:20:18,216 --> 00:20:20,218
TAKES THE COLBERT
QUESTIONERT. ( CHEERS AND
APPLAUSE ).
301
00:20:33,031 --> 00:20:35,968
I'M BACK HERE WITH KEANU
REEVES. KEANU YOU'RE ALWAYS
GREAT TO
302
00:20:36,034 --> 00:20:37,069
TALK TO.
>> THAT'S KIND.
303
00:20:37,135 --> 00:20:40,872
>> Stephen: AND IT'S ALWAYS
AN HONEST CONVERSATION, AN
304
00:20:40,939 --> 00:20:43,108
INTERESTING CONVERSATION,
WITH REALLY SURPRISING
ANSWERS.
305
00:20:43,175 --> 00:20:46,211
EVERYBODY LOVES SEEING YOU.
BUT HERE'S THE THING IS THAT
306
00:20:46,278 --> 00:20:49,481
PEOPLE THINK I GET TO KNOW
THE PEOPLE THAT I'M
INTERVIEWING,
307
00:20:49,548 --> 00:20:52,517
AND IT'S SUCH A SHORT PERIOD
OF TIME TO ACTUALLY
PENETRATE TO
308
00:20:52,584 --> 00:20:53,785
THE SOUL.
>> SURE.
309
00:20:53,852 --> 00:20:56,688
>> Stephen: OF A HUMAN
BEING. AND I REALLY WANT TO
KNOW MY
310
00:20:56,755 --> 00:21:00,659
GUESTS ON A DEEPER LEVEL.
SO WHAT WE DID HERE, "THE
LATE
311
00:21:00,726 --> 00:21:04,296
SHOW"" LABS PUT TOGETHER A
SERIES OF 15 QUESTIONS.
312
00:21:04,363 --> 00:21:07,933
>> OKAY.
>> Stephen: AFTER WHICH,
ONCE
313
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:09,368
THESE QUESTIONS HAVE BEEN
ASKED AND ANSWERED.
314
00:21:09,434 --> 00:21:13,271
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: THE GUEST IS
KNOWN
315
00:21:13,338 --> 00:21:15,073
FULLY.
>> OH, THE WHOLE THING.
316
00:21:15,140 --> 00:21:16,375
>> Stephen: THEY ARE FULLY
KNOWN.
317
00:21:16,441 --> 00:21:19,411
>> THE WHOLE 15 QUESTIONS!
>> Stephen: 15 QUESTIONS.
318
00:21:19,478 --> 00:21:22,347
I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU
ACTUALLY ARE ONE OF THE
MAJOR
319
00:21:22,414 --> 00:21:25,417
INSPIRATIONS FOR DOING THE
COLBERT QUESTIONERT, BECAUSE
320
00:21:25,484 --> 00:21:27,819
SEVERAL YEARS AGO I ASKED
YOU A QUESTION ONE OF THE
QUESTIONS
321
00:21:27,886 --> 00:21:30,355
I'M ABOUT TO ASK YOU.
I HAVE YOUR ANSWER HERE.
322
00:21:30,422 --> 00:21:32,858
BUT I'LL GET TO IT.
I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THE
323
00:21:32,924 --> 00:21:35,794
ANSWER YOU GAVE US FROM ONE
OF THESE QUESTIONS, JUST A
RANDOM
324
00:21:35,861 --> 00:21:39,264
QUESTION I ASKED YOU IN AN
INTERVIEW, ACTUALLY LED TO
THE
325
00:21:39,331 --> 00:21:41,733
QUESTIONNAIRE AND PEOPLE
WILL KNOW IT WHEN I GET TO
IT.
326
00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:44,436
ARE YOU READY TO BE KNOWN,
KEANU REEVES?
327
00:21:44,503 --> 00:21:47,139
>> ABSOLUTELY NOT.
♪ ♪ ♪
328
00:21:47,205 --> 00:21:48,974
>> Stephen: KEANU REEVES.
>> YES.
329
00:21:49,041 --> 00:21:53,311
>> Stephen: WHAT IS THE BEST
SANDWICH?
330
00:21:53,378 --> 00:21:56,448
>> BEST SANDWICH, YOU MEAN,
LIKE, FOR ME?
331
00:21:56,515 --> 00:22:00,052
( LAUGHTER ).
ANSWER FOR?
332
00:22:00,118 --> 00:22:03,855
( LAUGHTER ).
UP AT YOUR LAB A WHOLE KIND
OF,
333
00:22:03,922 --> 00:22:08,293
YOU KNOW, WHAT WOULD GO INTO
THE BEST SANDWICH-- BALANCE
OF
334
00:22:08,360 --> 00:22:09,661
FLAVORS AND --
>> Stephen: THAT IS A
VALID--
335
00:22:09,728 --> 00:22:12,431
THAT IS A VALID, IF HOSTILE
RESPONSE.
336
00:22:12,497 --> 00:22:14,633
>> OKAY, I'LL ANSWER THE
QUESTION.
337
00:22:14,700 --> 00:22:18,036
I'LL ANSWER THE QUESTION --
>> Stephen: FOR YOU, KEANU
338
00:22:18,103 --> 00:22:19,438
REEVES.
I WANT TO KNOW YOU.
339
00:22:19,504 --> 00:22:20,939
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW
SANDWICHES. TO KEANU REEVES,
WHAT IS THE
340
00:22:21,006 --> 00:22:25,243
BEST SANDWICH, SIR?
>> TODAY I'M GOING TO CHOOSE
341
00:22:25,310 --> 00:22:31,583
TOASTED CRUNCHY PEANUT
BUTTER WITH A-- TOAST--
CRUNCHY PENET
342
00:22:31,650 --> 00:22:35,821
BUTTER WITH HONEY.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
343
00:22:35,887 --> 00:22:39,958
>> Stephen: BOLD.
>> YEAH.
344
00:22:40,025 --> 00:22:41,860
SWEET AND SAVORY AND CRUNCH.
>> Stephen: WHAT'S THE ONE
345
00:22:41,927 --> 00:22:43,729
THING THAT YOU OWN THAT YOU
REALLY SHOULD THROW OUT?
346
00:22:43,795 --> 00:22:46,465
>> OH, GOSH.
ONE THING I OWN THAT I
SHOULD
347
00:22:46,531 --> 00:22:53,205
REALLY THROW OUT?
I SHOULD REALLY THROW IT
AWAY,
348
00:22:53,271 --> 00:22:57,209
REEVES!
WHAT'S IN YOUR-- WHAT-- IT'S
SO
349
00:22:57,275 --> 00:22:59,411
DIFFICULT FOR ME TO THROW
THINGS AWAY.
350
00:22:59,478 --> 00:23:03,081
I'M A BIT OF A PACK RAT.
>> Stephen: LOOK AT YOUR
351
00:23:03,148 --> 00:23:04,516
ATTIC.
LOOK AT YOUR GARAGE IN YOUR
352
00:23:04,583 --> 00:23:06,184
MIND.
>> WHAT SHOULD I THROW AWAY?
353
00:23:06,251 --> 00:23:07,619
I DON'T WANT TO THROW
ANYTHING AWAY.
354
00:23:07,686 --> 00:23:09,955
YOU KNOW WHAT, I DON'T HAVE
AN ANSWER FOR THAT.
355
00:23:10,021 --> 00:23:12,457
IT'S TOO MUCH.
>> Stephen: DO YOU LIVE A
356
00:23:12,524 --> 00:23:14,493
SPARTAN LIFE?
IS THERE NOTHING--
357
00:23:14,559 --> 00:23:17,996
>> OBVIOUSLY, NOT.
>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT, SO
358
00:23:18,063 --> 00:23:18,797
NOTHING.
EVERYTHING IS ESSENTIAL.
359
00:23:18,864 --> 00:23:21,600
>> IT IS RIGHT NOW.
( LAUGHTER )
360
00:23:21,666 --> 00:23:27,939
SCARIEST ANIMAL?
>> SCARIEST ANIMAL?
361
00:23:28,006 --> 00:23:37,215
YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS A KID,
I ALWAYS-- SPIDERS.
362
00:23:37,282 --> 00:23:40,452
>> Stephen: YES, SIR.
>> SPIDER WITH THE THING AND
--
363
00:23:40,519 --> 00:23:41,720
>> Stephen: 100%.
THAT IS A GOOD ANSWER.
364
00:23:41,787 --> 00:23:45,223
THAT'S A GOOD ANSWER.
>> Stephen: APPLES OR
ORANGES?
365
00:23:45,290 --> 00:23:47,192
>> APPLES.
>> Stephen: YES, BECAUSE YOU
366
00:23:47,259 --> 00:23:49,227
CAN PUT CRUNCHY PEANUT
BUTTER ON AN APPLE.
367
00:23:49,294 --> 00:23:51,363
WHAT A COMBINATION.
>> IT'S SO GOOD.
368
00:23:51,429 --> 00:23:53,498
IT'S SO GOOD.
>> Stephen: HAVE YOU EVER
369
00:23:53,565 --> 00:23:55,600
ASKED SOMEONE FOR THEIR
AUTOGRAPH?
370
00:23:55,667 --> 00:24:00,005
>> YES.
>> Stephen: MAY I ASK WHOM.
371
00:24:00,071 --> 00:24:02,407
>> LOU REED.
>> Stephen: DID YOU GET IT?
372
00:24:02,474 --> 00:24:07,212
>> YES, BUT IT WASN'T FOR
ME. IT WAS FOR A FRIEND.
373
00:24:07,279 --> 00:24:08,713
>> Stephen: IT WAS FOR A
FRIEND, ALL RIGHT.
374
00:24:08,780 --> 00:24:12,350
>> AND HE WAS COOL ABOUT IT.
>> Stephen: LOU REED WAS
COOL
375
00:24:12,417 --> 00:24:13,819
ABOUT IT?
>> YES.
376
00:24:13,885 --> 00:24:15,187
>> Stephen: HOW ABOUT THE
FRIEND?
377
00:24:15,253 --> 00:24:17,189
>> IT WAS COOL.
IT WAS A LITTLE PIECE OF
PAPER
378
00:24:17,255 --> 00:24:19,825
AND BLUE INK.
IT WAS GOOD.
379
00:24:19,891 --> 00:24:23,895
IT JUST SAID, "LOU REED."
>> Stephen: IT WOULD HAVE
BEEN
380
00:24:23,962 --> 00:24:28,633
REALLY DISAPPOINTING IF IT
DIDN'T SAY LOU REED.
381
00:24:28,700 --> 00:24:32,037
>> IT COULD HAVE SAID, "ALL
MY BEST."
382
00:24:32,103 --> 00:24:37,175
>> Stephen: WITH ADMIRATION,
HAVE A GREAT SUMMER, DON'T
EVER
383
00:24:37,242 --> 00:24:43,381
CHCHANGE.
LOU REEDEAD.
384
00:24:43,448 --> 00:24:49,020
HAPPY HANUKKAH, LOU REED."
THIS IS THE ONE I ASKED YOU
385
00:24:49,087 --> 00:24:51,256
BEFORE.
>> I ASKED FOR ANOTHER ONE.
386
00:24:51,323 --> 00:24:53,859
GEORGE CARLIN.
>> Stephen: DID YOU GET
387
00:24:53,925 --> 00:24:54,960
CARLIN'S?
I'M SO JEALOUS.
388
00:24:55,026 --> 00:24:56,962
I'M SUCH A FAN.
>> YEAH, YEAH.
389
00:24:57,028 --> 00:24:58,163
IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
BEAUTIFUL.
390
00:24:58,230 --> 00:25:00,498
BUT, YEAH, HE GAVE ME AN
AUTOGRAPH.
391
00:25:00,565 --> 00:25:02,634
>> Stephen: WOW.
>> AND, YEAH.
392
00:25:02,701 --> 00:25:07,539
>> Stephen: THAT WAS FOR
YOU. >> UH, YEAH, BUT I
DON'T KNOW, I
393
00:25:07,606 --> 00:25:10,642
CAN'T SWEAR ON THIS SHOW,
RIGHT? NO.
394
00:25:10,709 --> 00:25:12,711
>> Stephen: YOU CAN SWEAR,
SURE GO AHEAD.
395
00:25:12,777 --> 00:25:16,514
>> BUT IT WAS REALLY FUNNY,
BECAUSE GEORGE CARLIN, HE--
HE
396
00:25:16,581 --> 00:25:23,355
WROTE-- WHAT DID HE WRITE.
HE WROTE I THINK WAS, "DEAR
397
00:25:23,421 --> 00:25:24,856
KEANU ( BLEEP ) YOU."
YEAH.
398
00:25:24,923 --> 00:25:26,491
>> Stephen: THAT'S PRETTY
GREAT.
399
00:25:26,558 --> 00:25:28,393
>> YEAH.
( APPLAUSE )
400
00:25:28,460 --> 00:25:31,730
>> AND I THOUGHT THAT WAS --
>> Stephen: THAT'S VERY
SWEET.
401
00:25:31,796 --> 00:25:34,733
>> AND I ALWAYS THOUGHT HE
JUST WROTE THAT FOR ME.
402
00:25:34,799 --> 00:25:38,670
AND THEN I MET SOMEONE ELSE
WHO SAID THAT HE WROTE THE
SAME
403
00:25:38,737 --> 00:25:41,606
THING TO THEM.
( LAUGHTER )
404
00:25:41,673 --> 00:25:45,243
>> YEAH!
ANYWAY... BEAUTIFUL.
405
00:25:45,310 --> 00:25:48,680
( LAUGHTER )
QUESTION I'VE ASKED YOU
BEFORE
406
00:25:48,747 --> 00:25:51,583
THAT INSPIRED THE ENTIRE
COLBERT QUESTIONERT SERIES.
407
00:25:51,650 --> 00:25:55,120
I ASKED YOU, "WHAT DO YOU
THINK HAPPENS WHEN WE DIE?"
408
00:25:55,186 --> 00:26:01,393
AND YOU ANSWERED SEVERAL
YEARS AGO...
409
00:26:01,459 --> 00:26:06,097
>> I KNOW THAT THE ONES WHO
LOVE US WILL MISUS.
410
00:26:06,164 --> 00:26:07,966
>> Stephen: WHICH IS A
LOVELY ANSWER.
411
00:26:08,033 --> 00:26:10,335
WOULD YOU LIKE TO AMEND THAT
ANSWER ANY WAY?
412
00:26:10,402 --> 00:26:12,570
>> NO, I DON'T WANT TO AMEND
THAT.
413
00:26:12,637 --> 00:26:15,907
YOU'RE ASKING ME AGAIN?
>> Stephen: NO, WE CAN MOVE
414
00:26:15,974 --> 00:26:17,042
ON.
YOU'VE GIVEN ME THE ANSWER.
415
00:26:17,108 --> 00:26:19,377
>> OKAY.
>> Stephen: THAT ONE HAS
BEEN
416
00:26:19,444 --> 00:26:21,780
BANKED.
WE HAVE THAT ONE ON FILE.
417
00:26:21,846 --> 00:26:25,250
FAVORITE ACTION MOVIE?
>> Stephen: OH, GOFN.
418
00:26:25,317 --> 00:26:26,651
>> Stephen: AND YOU CAN BE
IN IT.
419
00:26:26,718 --> 00:26:28,553
IT'S OKAY IF YOU'RE IN IT.
>> REALLY?
420
00:26:28,620 --> 00:26:31,089
>> Stephen: YOU CAN NAME ONE
OF YOUR OWN MOVIES.
421
00:26:31,156 --> 00:26:36,361
>> NO, BUT WHEN I WAS A KID,
"ROLLER BALL."
422
00:26:36,428 --> 00:26:43,868
>> Stephen: JAMES CAAN.
>> "JONATHAN!
423
00:26:43,935 --> 00:26:48,940
JONATHAN!"
YEAH, VIOLENCE, GAME, SOCIAL
424
00:26:49,007 --> 00:26:49,808
COMMENTARY.
FANTASTIC.
425
00:26:49,874 --> 00:26:51,176
>> Stephen: WINDOW OR AISLE.
>> WINDOW.
426
00:26:51,242 --> 00:26:53,178
>> Stephen: BECAUSE YOU
DON'T MIND GETTING UP TO GO
TO THE
427
00:26:53,244 --> 00:26:55,113
BATHROOM AND MAKING THE
PERSON ON THE AISLE TO STAND
UP?
428
00:26:55,180 --> 00:26:58,350
>> I HAVE THE VIEW.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE THE
VIEW,
429
00:26:58,416 --> 00:26:59,584
OKAY.
FAVORITE SMELL?
430
00:26:59,651 --> 00:27:05,190
>> TODAY I'M GOING TO PICK
MY 1974 NORTON COMMANDO WHEN
THE
431
00:27:05,256 --> 00:27:09,394
ENGINE WARMS UP WHEN YOU'VE
BEEN GIVEN A GOOD GO.
432
00:27:09,461 --> 00:27:13,198
THE OIL IN THE ENGINE HEATS
UP, AND THE SMELL THAT COMES
OFF THE
433
00:27:13,264 --> 00:27:15,400
ENGINE IS REALLY GOOD.
( LAUGHTER )
434
00:27:15,467 --> 00:27:18,970
>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT, I
LIKE IT, I LIKE IT.
435
00:27:19,037 --> 00:27:21,206
THAT'S NICE.
CATS OR DOGS, SIR?
436
00:27:21,272 --> 00:27:22,474
>> DOGS.
>> Stephen: DOGS?
437
00:27:22,540 --> 00:27:26,778
>> YEAH, BUT I'M STARTING TO
REALLY LIKE THE CATS,
THOUGH,
438
00:27:26,845 --> 00:27:27,979
TOO.
>> Stephen: YOU ONLY GET TO
439
00:27:28,046 --> 00:27:31,850
LISTEN TO ONE SONG FOR THE
REST OF YDUR LIFE, WHAT IS
IT?
440
00:27:31,916 --> 00:27:33,985
>> UH...
ONE SONG?
441
00:27:34,052 --> 00:27:39,457
I'M GOING TO TAKE JOY
DIVISION'S "LOVE WILL TEAR
US APART."
442
00:27:39,524 --> 00:27:41,826
>> Stephen: NICE.
GOOD RESPONSE OVER THERE.
443
00:27:41,893 --> 00:27:43,828
WHAT NUMBER AM I THINKING
OF? >> SIX.
444
00:27:43,895 --> 00:27:45,730
>> Stephen: NO.
>> THREE.
445
00:27:45,797 --> 00:27:47,766
>> Stephen: YOULONLY GET ONE
GUESS.
446
00:27:47,832 --> 00:27:50,602
DESCRIBE THE REST OF YOUR
LIFE IN FIVE WORDS.
447
00:27:50,668 --> 00:27:53,538
>> WHAT?
( LAUGHTER )
448
00:27:53,605 --> 00:27:56,441
>> Stephen: DESCRIBE THE
REST OF YOUR LIFE IN FIVE
WORDS.
449
00:27:56,508 --> 00:27:58,510
>> WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS
THAT.
450
00:27:58,576 --> 00:27:59,978
>> Stephen: IT'S NOT A
QUESTION.
451
00:28:00,045 --> 00:28:01,179
IT'S A DEMAND
( LAUGHTER )
452
00:28:01,246 --> 00:28:07,852
>> OKAY, WELL, THEN I'M
GOING-- I'M GOING TO BE
HOPEFUL.
453
00:28:07,919 --> 00:28:11,823
HEALTH.
LOVE.
454
00:28:11,890 --> 00:28:13,858
FRIENDSHIP.
CREATE ART.
455
00:28:13,925 --> 00:28:18,930
MOTORCYCLES.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
456
00:28:18,997 --> 00:28:25,904
ARE KNOWN.
CONGRATULATIONS.
457
00:28:25,970 --> 00:28:28,807
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU,
KEANU.
458
00:28:28,873 --> 00:28:30,875
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
459
00:28:57,001 --> 00:28:59,871
WELCOME BACK.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOU
KNOW
460
00:28:59,938 --> 00:29:03,875
MY NEXT GUEST FROM
"OUTLANDER," "FORD V.
FERRARI," AND NOW,
461
00:29:03,942 --> 00:29:07,846
"BELFAST."
>> IT'S GOING ALL RIGHT.
462
00:29:07,912 --> 00:29:22,160
I'VE TALKED TO THE
COMMITTEE. GET THIS FIXED.
463
00:29:22,227 --> 00:29:25,897
>> WHEN I WAS RUNNING DOWN
THE STREET AND DRAGGING THEM
POOR
464
00:29:25,964 --> 00:29:35,640
KIDS.
AND I WAS LOOKING IN THE
MIRROR.
465
00:29:35,707 --> 00:29:48,920
I ASKED MYSELF WHAT THE HELL
AM I DOING?
466
00:29:48,987 --> 00:29:50,155
>> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME
BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW,"
CAITRIONA
467
00:29:50,221 --> 00:29:54,159
BALFE!
♪ ♪ ♪
468
00:29:54,225 --> 00:30:01,099
( APPLAUSE )
WITH MY EVERLASTING LOVE
469
00:30:01,166 --> 00:30:14,579
♪ NEED YOU BY MY SIDE ♪
>> Stephen: THANKS SO MUCH
FOR
470
00:30:14,646 --> 00:30:15,980
BEING HERE.
>> THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME.
471
00:30:16,047 --> 00:30:17,982
>> Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU
AGAIN.
472
00:30:18,049 --> 00:30:21,319
NOW, SINCE THE LAST TIME YOU
WERE HERE, BIG NEWS IN YOUR
473
00:30:21,386 --> 00:30:22,720
LIFE.
YOU HAVE A CHILD.
474
00:30:22,787 --> 00:30:26,257
YOU'RE A MOTHER NOW.
CONGRATULATIONS.
475
00:30:26,324 --> 00:30:29,260
>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH YES.
>> Stephen: THAT'S NICE.
476
00:30:29,327 --> 00:30:31,829
HOW MUCH-- THIS WASN'T THAT
LONG AGO, RIGHT?
477
00:30:31,896 --> 00:30:34,766
IT WAS LESS THAN A YEAR AGO,
SOMETHING LIKE THAT?
478
00:30:34,832 --> 00:30:37,902
>> HE'S ALMOST FIVE MONTHS.
>> Stephen: ALMOST FIVE
479
00:30:37,969 --> 00:30:39,170
MONTHS.
HOW MUCH SLEEP ARE YOU
GETTING?
480
00:30:39,237 --> 00:30:42,207
>> WELL, I MEAN, I WAS
EXCITED TO COME HERE, BUT I
WAS VERY
481
00:30:42,273 --> 00:30:45,877
EXCITED TO SIT ON A PLANE
FOR SIX HOURS AND SLEEP.
482
00:30:45,944 --> 00:30:47,946
SO I WAS --
>> Stephen: SO THE RED EYE
IS
483
00:30:48,012 --> 00:30:50,281
A RELIEF.
>> THE RED EYE WAS PROBABLY
THE
484
00:30:50,348 --> 00:30:52,951
MOST SLEEP I'VE HAD IN SIX,
SEVEN MONTHS, YEAH.
485
00:30:53,017 --> 00:30:55,253
>> Stephen: ONE OF THE
THINGS I KNOW-- I'M LUCKY
ENOUGH TO
486
00:30:55,320 --> 00:30:57,789
HAVE THREE KIDS-- AND ONE OF
THE THINGS I KNOW, I TRY TO
EXPLAIN
487
00:30:57,855 --> 00:31:01,759
IT TO FRIENDS WHO ARE ABOUT
TO HAVE KIDS, AND I HAD THIS
SAME
488
00:31:01,826 --> 00:31:04,796
EXPERIENCE, PEOPLE TRIED TO
EXPLAIN IT TO ME, BUT UNTIL
IT
489
00:31:04,862 --> 00:31:07,498
HAPPENS, IT'S ALL JUST
THEORY. IS THERE ANYTHING
THAT SURPRISED
490
00:31:07,565 --> 00:31:09,801
YOU MOST THAT YOU COULDN'T
HAVE KNOWN UNTIL NOW?
491
00:31:09,867 --> 00:31:13,004
>> OH, GOD.
ALL OF IT.
492
00:31:13,071 --> 00:31:17,775
I MEAN, THE LOVE, THE
RESPONSIBILITY, THAT'S ALL A
493
00:31:17,842 --> 00:31:24,949
LOT.
THE NEED FOR MO MOPPING UP.
494
00:31:25,016 --> 00:31:29,554
PUKE OR PEE, OR THE OTHER.
IT'S JUST A LOT OF THINGS
COME
495
00:31:29,621 --> 00:31:31,356
OUT OF A REALLY CUTE LITTLE
THING.
496
00:31:31,422 --> 00:31:35,426
IT'S LIKE HOW DOES THAT
HAPPEN? >> Stephen: NOW,
THE-- JUST
497
00:31:35,493 --> 00:31:39,464
TODAY, CONGRATULATIONS, YOU
WERE NOMINATED FOR SCREEN
ACTOR'S
498
00:31:39,530 --> 00:31:40,665
GUILD AWARD.
>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
499
00:31:40,732 --> 00:31:42,533
>> Stephen: WELL DESERVED.
>> THANK YOU.
500
00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:47,572
( APPLAUSE )
>> YEAH.
501
00:31:47,639 --> 00:31:51,276
>> Stephen: OF THE MOVIE
"BELFAST," WHICH, AS I SAID
TO
502
00:31:51,342 --> 00:31:53,878
KENNETH BRANAGH WHEN HE WAS
ON HERE, THE DIRECTOR AND
THE
503
00:31:53,945 --> 00:32:00,551
WRITER OF "BELFAST," IT'S A
HEARTBREAKINGLY BEAUTIFUL
MOVIE.
504
00:32:00,618 --> 00:32:05,890
IIT HAS JUST STAYED WITH ME
AS F I JUST WATCHED IT, EVEN
THOUGH I
505
00:32:05,957 --> 00:32:08,559
SAW IT MONTHS AGO.
AND IT'S SUCH A WONDERFULLY
506
00:32:08,626 --> 00:32:11,329
IRISH MOVIE.
IT'S FUNNY AND IT'S SAD AND
IT'S
507
00:32:11,396 --> 00:32:16,534
FUNNY ABOUT BEING SAD, WHICH
IS JUST INCREDIBLE.
508
00:32:16,601 --> 00:32:18,603
>> WHAT IRISH PEOPLE DO
WELL. >> Stephen: EXACTLY.
509
00:32:18,670 --> 00:32:21,906
AS SOMEONE WHO IS IRISH
YOURSELF, WHAT WAS IT LIKE
FOR
510
00:32:21,973 --> 00:32:26,611
YOU TO TELL THIS STORY OF
THE BEGINNING OF THE
TROUBLES IN
511
00:32:26,678 --> 00:32:28,646
'69?
>> I MEAN, IT WAS-- YOU
KNOW, I
512
00:32:28,713 --> 00:32:30,915
THINK FOR EVERYONE INVOLVED
IT BECAME VERY PERSONAL.
513
00:32:30,982 --> 00:32:33,885
YOU KNOW, I KNOW THIS IS
KEN'S VERY SPECIFIC STORY
BUT, YOU
514
00:32:33,951 --> 00:32:38,890
KNOW, WHEN I READ IT FIRST,
I FELT LIKE I RECOGNIZED
MINE, I
515
00:32:38,956 --> 00:32:43,227
FELT LIKE IT WAS PARALLEL'S
TO MY MOM AND HER JOURNEY
AND ALSO
516
00:32:43,294 --> 00:32:47,532
AS SOMEBODY WHO LEFT IRELAND
AT 18, I FELT A LOT OF THAT
KIND O
517
00:32:47,598 --> 00:32:49,567
OF, YOU KNOW, WHAT IT IS TO
LEAVE SOMEWHERE AND WHAT IT
IS
518
00:32:49,634 --> 00:32:54,238
TO SORT OF LOSE THAT-- THAT
GROUNDING OF HOME AND SORT
OF BE
519
00:32:54,305 --> 00:32:57,842
SEARCHING FOR IT AGAIN.
YOU KNOW, IT JUST SPOKE TO
ME IN
520
00:32:57,909 --> 00:33:00,578
SUCH A BEAUTIFUL WAY.
AND, YOU KNOW, I THINK ALSO
WHAT
521
00:33:00,645 --> 00:33:05,383
IT HAS AT ITS HEART, WHICH
IS SO GORGEOUS, IT HAS THIS
MESSAGE OF
522
00:33:05,450 --> 00:33:08,152
TOLERANCE WHICH, YOU KNOW, I
THINK ESPECIALLY AT THIS
MOMENT
523
00:33:08,219 --> 00:33:10,855
EVERYWHERE IN THE WORLD, YOU
KNOW, THAT'S SOMETHING WE
CAN
524
00:33:10,922 --> 00:33:13,558
ALL GET A BIG DOSE OF.
>> Stephen: YES.
525
00:33:13,624 --> 00:33:15,460
>> YOU KNOW?
>> Stephen: FOR THE PEOPLE
WHO
526
00:33:15,526 --> 00:33:18,396
HAVEN'T SEEN IT YET--
( APPLAUSE )
527
00:33:18,463 --> 00:33:25,303
IT YET, IT-- YOU ARE THE
MOTHER OF A FAMILY THAT IS A
PROTESTANT
528
00:33:25,370 --> 00:33:29,073
FAMILY THAT LIVES IN A
NEIGHBORHOOD WHERE CATHOLICS
AND
529
00:33:29,140 --> 00:33:30,375
PROTESTANTS LIVE--
>> IN HARMONY.
530
00:33:30,441 --> 00:33:33,811
>> Stephen: AMICABLY, AND
THAT DOESN'T GO DOWN WELL
WITH THOSE
531
00:33:33,878 --> 00:33:37,482
WHO TONIGHT WANT THE
NEIGHBORHOODS MIXED, THEY
WANT
532
00:33:37,548 --> 00:33:39,851
THEM SEPARATED.
>> I THINK WHAT HAPPENS IS
IT'S
533
00:33:39,917 --> 00:33:44,589
A VERY-- DIVISIVENESS IS A
VERY CHEAP TOOL FOR PEOPLE
WHO WANT
534
00:33:44,655 --> 00:33:47,558
TO CONTROL THINGS AND GAIN
POWER AND --
535
00:33:47,625 --> 00:33:49,594
>> Stephen: IT'S A LAZY
POLITICAL IDEOLOGY.
536
00:33:49,660 --> 00:33:52,530
>> IT'S A LAZY POLITICAL
IDEOLOGY.
537
00:33:52,597 --> 00:33:53,898
UNFORTUNATELY, IT'S USED FAR
TOO OFTEN.
538
00:33:53,965 --> 00:33:57,735
AND IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD
WHERE KEN GREW UP, CATHOLIC
AND
539
00:33:57,802 --> 00:34:00,138
PROTESTANT FAMILIES WERE
LIVING SIDE BY SIDE, NO
PROBLEM.
540
00:34:00,204 --> 00:34:02,707
THERE WERE, YOU KNOW, SOCIAL
ISSUES IN BELFAST, AND THERE
WAS
541
00:34:02,774 --> 00:34:07,245
UNREST, BUT IT SORT OF-- IT
CAME TO THIS STREET AND, YOU
KNOW,
542
00:34:07,311 --> 00:34:11,315
THIS IS TOLD THROUGH THE
EYES OF BUDDY WHO IS PLAYED
INCREDIBLY
543
00:34:11,382 --> 00:34:13,751
BY JUE HILL, THE MOST
GORGEOUS KID.
544
00:34:13,818 --> 00:34:15,653
>> Stephen: IT'S AN AMAZING
PERFORMANCE.
545
00:34:15,720 --> 00:34:18,723
>> AMAZING PERFORMANCE.
AND THE WAY KEN WANTED TO
SHOW
546
00:34:18,790 --> 00:34:23,694
THIS IS WE'VE HAD LOTS OF
FILMS ABOUT NORTHERN ISLAND,
ABOUT THE
547
00:34:23,761 --> 00:34:26,230
TROUBLES THAT DEAL WITH THE
IDEOLOGY AND THE POLITICS OF
IT.
548
00:34:26,297 --> 00:34:30,568
BUT WHAT KEN REALLY WANTED
TO DO WAS DISTILL IT DOWN,
SHOW HOW IT
549
00:34:30,635 --> 00:34:35,640
IT AFFECTEDLY ORDINARY,
EVERYDAY PEOPLE WHO DIDN'T
ASK FOR IT AND
550
00:34:35,706 --> 00:34:37,909
WHAT THE EFFECT WAS.
AND I THINK HE MANAGED TO DO
551
00:34:37,975 --> 00:34:40,044
THAT SO BEAUTIFULLY.
>> Stephen: WHEN KENNETH
552
00:34:40,111 --> 00:34:45,817
BRANAGH WAS HERE TALKING
ABOUT THE FILM, HE SAID IT'S
ABOUT THE
553
00:34:45,883 --> 00:34:47,985
HOME-- LEAVING HOME AND THE
HOME YOU TAKE WITH YOU.
554
00:34:48,052 --> 00:34:50,254
AND YOU WERE JUST SAYING
THAT YOU HAVE THESE
FEELINGS.
555
00:34:50,321 --> 00:34:54,859
YOU LEFT A SMALL TOWN IN
IRELAND NOT FAR FROM THE
ACTUAL BORDER
556
00:34:54,926 --> 00:34:57,028
UP THERE.
AND I'M CURIOUS, IN WHAT
WAYS
557
00:34:57,094 --> 00:35:00,898
HAVE YOU-- HAVE YOU BROUGHT
YOUR HOME WITH YOU WHERE YOU
GO?
558
00:35:00,965 --> 00:35:05,002
WHAT STAYS WITH YOU?
>> I THINK IT ENDS UP BEING
THE
559
00:35:05,069 --> 00:35:08,406
PEOPLE THAT YOU GATHER,
RIGHT? YOU KNOW, RIGHT NOW
MY HUSBAND
560
00:35:08,473 --> 00:35:12,376
AND MY SON I THINK, YOU
KNOW, THAT'S MY HOME AND
WHEREVER WE
561
00:35:12,443 --> 00:35:17,281
GO, WE'LL ALWAYS HAVE THAT.
BUT, YOU KNOW, I-- I'VE
562
00:35:17,348 --> 00:35:19,851
DEFINITELY, SINCE I'VE LEFT,
I THINK YOU CREATE FAMILY
WHEREVER
563
00:35:19,917 --> 00:35:24,388
YOU GO BY JUST CREATING
BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE AROUND YOU.
564
00:35:24,455 --> 00:35:25,690
SO...
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE
A
565
00:35:25,756 --> 00:35:29,927
BRIEF BREAK, BUT STICK
AROUND. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK
WITH MORE
566
00:35:29,994 --> 00:35:31,996
CAITRIÍONA BALFE.
♪ ♪ ♪
567
00:35:43,174 --> 00:35:44,942
CAITRIONA BALFE.
THE LAST TIME YOU WERE HERE
YOU
568
00:35:45,009 --> 00:35:47,879
TALKED A LITTLE BIT ABOUT
THE SMALL TOWN THAT YOU GREW
UP IN,
569
00:35:47,945 --> 00:35:51,949
AND I'M AFRAID I WILL
MISPRONOUNCE THE NAME.
570
00:35:52,016 --> 00:35:53,651
>> MONAHAN.
>> Stephen: SO IS THERE--
571
00:35:53,718 --> 00:35:56,954
WASN'T THAT-- IT'S ON THE
BORDER.
572
00:35:57,021 --> 00:35:59,891
>> SO IT'S VERY CLOSE.
I GREW UP PROBABLY ABOUT
SIX,
573
00:35:59,957 --> 00:36:02,093
SEVEN MILES SOUTH OF THE
BORDER. >> Stephen: THAT'S
REALLY
574
00:36:02,159 --> 00:36:03,294
CLOSE.
>> REALLY CLOSE.
575
00:36:03,361 --> 00:36:05,363
>> Stephen: DID YOU HAVE
ANY, IN THE LATER YEARS OF
THE
576
00:36:05,429 --> 00:36:08,032
TROUBLES, DID YOU HAVE ANY--
WHAT ARE YOUR MEMORIES OF
THAT
577
00:36:08,099 --> 00:36:09,400
AS A CHILD?
DID IT AFFECT YOU?
578
00:36:09,467 --> 00:36:11,903
>> WELL, I MEAN, IT'S
DIFFERENT. OBVIOUSLY, WE
DIDN'T GROW UP IN
579
00:36:11,969 --> 00:36:13,905
BELFAST, AND THAT'S A VERY
DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE.
580
00:36:13,971 --> 00:36:17,909
BUT AS A BORDER CHILD, YOU
SORT OF WERE CONSTANTLY
BATTING UP
581
00:36:17,975 --> 00:36:20,411
AGAINST IT.
WE WOULD GO GROCERY SHOPPING
582
00:36:20,478 --> 00:36:22,780
ONCE A WEEK THERE.
>> Stephen: BETTER GROCERIES
583
00:36:22,847 --> 00:36:24,549
UP THERE?
>> , YOU KNOW, IT'S WHEN THE
584
00:36:24,615 --> 00:36:27,585
IRISH POUND WAS STRONGER
THAN THE STERLING, EVERYONE
IN MY
585
00:36:27,652 --> 00:36:32,924
TOWN WOULD GO ACROSS THE
NORTH TO GO SHOPPING AND IT
WAS THAT
586
00:36:32,990 --> 00:36:35,893
KIND OF THING.
I REMEMBER-- MY DAD WAS A
587
00:36:35,960 --> 00:36:37,929
POLICE, IS BUT MY MOM WOULD
NORMALLY BE TAKING US
GROCERY
588
00:36:37,995 --> 00:36:41,933
SHOPPING.
AND WE WOULD SIT IN THE
BACK, MY
589
00:36:41,999 --> 00:36:45,703
BROTHER AND I, AND WOULD BE
WITH ALL THE GROCERY BAGS.
590
00:36:45,770 --> 00:36:48,873
AND USUALLY, BECAUSE YOU HAD
TO COME THROUGH CUSTOMS AS
WELL, SO
591
00:36:48,940 --> 00:36:52,476
USUALLY THERE WOULD BE A
COUPLE OF CARTONS OF
CIGARETTES HID
592
00:36:52,543 --> 00:36:53,878
UNDERNEATH THAT WE WOULD BE
MADE SIT ON.
593
00:36:53,945 --> 00:36:55,546
>> Stephen: UNDER THE
CHILDREN.
594
00:36:55,613 --> 00:36:57,415
>> YES.
MY MOM'S GOING TO LOVE THAT
I
595
00:36:57,481 --> 00:36:59,517
TOLD THIS STORY.
BUT ANYWAY, BUT, YEAH, IT
WAS
596
00:36:59,584 --> 00:37:02,853
THAT KIND OF THING.
YOU'RE CONSTANTLY GOING BACK
AND
597
00:37:02,920 --> 00:37:05,590
FORTH.
WE USED TO GO TO THE DENTIST
IN
598
00:37:05,656 --> 00:37:07,525
THE NORTH.
YEAH, IT'S AN EVERYDAY PART
OF
599
00:37:07,592 --> 00:37:10,595
YOUR LIFE, AND IT'S A
CONSTANT BACKDROP.
600
00:37:10,661 --> 00:37:14,765
AND, YOU KNOW, THE BOMB
SCARES IN OUR TUNE OR THE
BOMBINGS THAT
601
00:37:14,832 --> 00:37:16,701
WOULD HAPPEN JUST OVER THE
BORDER, YOU KNOW, THOSE WERE
602
00:37:16,767 --> 00:37:19,503
SORT OF CONSTANT IN MY
CHILDHOOD.
603
00:37:19,570 --> 00:37:23,507
>> Stephen: YOU SAID YOU
WENT TO NORTHERN IRELAND,
THE U.K.,
604
00:37:23,574 --> 00:37:31,515
FOR YOUR DENTISTS?
THE ONE THING THE U.K. IS
KNOWN
605
00:37:31,582 --> 00:37:34,385
FOR IS FANTASTIC TEETH.
>> HAVE YOU SEEN IRISH
TEETH.
606
00:37:34,452 --> 00:37:36,520
>> Stephen: YOURS LOOK
LOVELY. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT
DENTIST.
607
00:37:36,587 --> 00:37:39,523
>> I DON'T KNOW WHY.
I THINK-- I MEAN, I DON'T
KNOW.
608
00:37:39,590 --> 00:37:45,630
I THINK THEREOF-- I THINK
THE TOWN DENTIST WAS A BIT
OF AN
609
00:37:45,696 --> 00:37:49,600
ALCOHOLIC AND HAD A SHAKY
HAND AND MY MOM USED TO TAKE
US OVER
610
00:37:49,667 --> 00:37:52,069
THE BORDER.
>> Stephen: WITH THE DRILLS.
611
00:37:52,136 --> 00:37:55,039
YOUR TEETH WOULD COME OUT
LOOKING LIKE SCRIMSHAW.
612
00:37:55,106 --> 00:37:57,174
YOU TOOK YOUR MOM TO THE
PREMIERE.
613
00:37:57,241 --> 00:38:00,578
>> YES.
>> Stephen: WHICH IS A
LOVELY
614
00:38:00,645 --> 00:38:02,079
THING.
DID SHE HAVE A GOOD TIME.
615
00:38:02,146 --> 00:38:05,282
>> SHE HAD AN AMAZING TIME.
IT WAS SO SPECIAL BECAUSE
THERE
616
00:38:05,349 --> 00:38:08,152
IS SO MUCH OF MY MOM
INFLUENCED IN MY
PERFORMANCE.
617
00:38:08,219 --> 00:38:11,489
AND, YOU KNOW, SHE-- THE END
OF IT, SHE WAS JUST LIKE,
"OH, I
618
00:38:11,555 --> 00:38:14,825
JUST DIDN'T WANT IT TO END."
FOR SOMEONE WHO FALLS ASLEEP
619
00:38:14,892 --> 00:38:16,761
DURING NEARLY EVERYTHING
ELSE I'VE EVER BEEN IN, THAT
WAS--
620
00:38:16,827 --> 00:38:20,197
THAT WAS THE BIGGEST
COMPLIMENT I THINK I COULD
HAVE EVER
621
00:38:20,264 --> 00:38:22,133
GOTTEN.
>> Stephen: I WAS SAYING TO
622
00:38:22,199 --> 00:38:25,302
JON BEFORE,ED ABOUTS THIS
WONDERFUL PERFORMANCE IN
623
00:38:25,369 --> 00:38:28,539
"BELFAST," THERE'S THE
WONDERFUL PERFORMANCE IN
"OUTLANDER,"
624
00:38:28,606 --> 00:38:30,675
WHICH IS STARTING IN MARCH.
( APPLAUSE )
625
00:38:30,741 --> 00:38:34,612
>> YES.
>> Stephen: WHAT SEASON--
WHAT
626
00:38:34,679 --> 00:38:36,180
SEASON ARE YOU GUYS COMING
BACK FOR?
627
00:38:36,247 --> 00:38:40,351
>> SEASON SIX IS AIRING IN
MARCH, AND WE WILL BE GOING
BACK
628
00:38:40,418 --> 00:38:44,221
TO FILM SEASON SEVEN VERY
SEEN. >> tephen: OKAY, SO
629
00:38:44,288 --> 00:38:46,791
PASSIONATE, PASSIONATE FAN
BASE. PEOPLE ABSOLUTELY LOVE
IT.
630
00:38:46,857 --> 00:38:50,695
SEVERAL PEOPLE HERE,
ACTUALLY. AND I'M CURIOUS,
WHAT IS IT LIKE
631
00:38:50,761 --> 00:38:57,234
TO HAVE A FAN BASE THAT'S
SORT OF PASSIONATE AND
ADDICTED AND
632
00:38:57,301 --> 00:38:58,469
INVESTED?
>> IT'S AMAZING.
633
00:38:58,536 --> 00:39:03,474
AT TIMES IT CAN BE... YOU
KNOW, THERE CAN BE
INTERESTING
634
00:39:03,541 --> 00:39:08,512
MOMENTS, I'D SAY.
I-- SO I KIND OF RECENTLY
HAD TO
635
00:39:08,579 --> 00:39:13,384
GO UNDER-- UNDER ANESTHESIA
BECAUSE I WAS HAVING DENTAL
636
00:39:13,451 --> 00:39:15,519
SURGERY-- NOT WITH THE
ALCOHOLIC GUY.
637
00:39:15,586 --> 00:39:18,355
GUY.
( LAUGHTER )
638
00:39:18,422 --> 00:39:24,929
ANESTHESIOLOGIST CAME IN AND
SHE HAD AN "OUTLANDER" MUG,
AND HE
639
00:39:24,995 --> 00:39:27,631
WAS LIKE, "I'M YURG BIGGEST
FAN."
640
00:39:27,698 --> 00:39:31,502
AND I WAS LIKE, THIS IS
GOOD. SHE'S GOING TO TAKE
CARE OF ME.
641
00:39:31,569 --> 00:39:35,506
SHE WAS TELLING ME HOW SHE
WAS GOING TO PUT ME UNDER
AND KEPT
642
00:39:35,573 --> 00:39:39,577
ASKING ME QUESTIONS ABOUT
THE SERIES AND HOW WHAT'S
GOING TO
643
00:39:39,643 --> 00:39:41,712
HAPPEN.
AND I SAID I'M NOT SUPPOSED
TO
644
00:39:41,779 --> 00:39:45,816
TELL YOU STUFF.
AND AS SHE INJECTED ME AND I
645
00:39:45,883 --> 00:39:49,687
STARTED NODDING OFF SHE
BEGAN TO SING THE THEME
SONG.
646
00:39:49,754 --> 00:39:52,523
AND I WAS LIKE NO!
THAT WAS ONE OF THE STRANGER
647
00:39:52,590 --> 00:39:53,858
INTERACTION S.
>> Stephen: WERE YOU AFRAID
648
00:39:53,924 --> 00:39:56,994
YOU WERE GOING TO WAKE UP
FROM THE ANESTHETIC IN 15th
649
00:39:57,061 --> 00:39:59,430
CENTURY SCOTLAND?
>> I WAS GOING TO BE IN HER
650
00:39:59,497 --> 00:40:01,999
BASEMENT WITH ALL OF THE
JAMIE POSTERS EVERYWHERE.
651
00:40:02,066 --> 00:40:04,034
>> Stephen: WELL, CAITRIONA,
IT WAS WILLFUL TO HAVE YOU.
652
00:40:04,101 --> 00:40:05,603
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING
HERE.
653
00:40:05,669 --> 00:40:06,871
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR
HAVING ME.
654
00:40:06,937 --> 00:40:08,472
>> Stephn: IT'S AN
EXTRAORDINARY MOVIE.
655
00:40:08,539 --> 00:40:12,276
CONGRATULATIONS ON
"BELFAST." >> THANK YOU SO
MUCH.
656
00:40:12,343 --> 00:40:16,947
>> Stephen: "BELFAST" IS IN
THEATERS NOW AND AVAILABLE
ON
657
00:40:17,014 --> 00:40:18,182
DEMAND.
CAITRIONA BALFE, EVERYBODY!
658
00:40:18,249 --> 00:40:20,251
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
♪ ♪ ♪
659
00:40:27,024 --> 00:40:27,958
LATE SHOW."
TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY
GUEST
660
00:40:28,025 --> 00:40:29,026
WILL BE LIEV SCHREIBER.
GOOD NIGHT!