DeSANTIS RAISED EYEBROWS ON FRIDAY WITH THIS STATEMENT --
>> THINK ABOUT IT, BEFORE COVID, DID ANYONE GO OUT AND SEEK
TESTING TO DETERMINE IF THEY WERE SICK?
>> Stephen: THIS DESPITE THE FACT THAT PREVENTATIVE
SCREENINGS FOR DISEASES ARE VERY COMMON.
>> IT'S REALLY DISCONCERTING TO BE LIVING IN A STATE WHERE I CAN
ASSURE YOU THAT MANY FLORIDIANS KNOW THAT DeSANTIS HAS GONE
COMPLETELY OFF THE DEEP END. >> HAVE YOU JUST INFECTED AN
ENTIRE ROOM WITH STUPIDITY BECAUSE YOU WERE UNAWARE YOU HAD
IT? INTRODUCING THE Binax HOME
IDOCY TEST. HERE'S HOW IT WORKS --
INSIDE YOUR Binax KIT, YOU WILL FIND A SMALL MIRROR.
HOLD IT UP TO YOUR FACE TO SEE IF YOU'RE RON DeSANTIS.
IF YOU ARE, REMOVE THE INCLUDED SWAB AND STICK IT WHERE THE SUN
DON'T SHINE. THE Binax HOME IDIOCY TEST.
THINK ABOUT IT -- BECAUSE HE DIDN'T.
>> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE
SHOW" WITH STEPHEN COLBERT! TONIGHT, INFECTION POINT!
PLUS STEPHEN WELCOMES GAYLE KING AND TIG NOTARO, FEATURING JON
BATISTE AND "STAY HUMAN." AND, NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE
ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: OH, MY GOSH!
UHELLO, EVERYBODY! THANK YOU SO MUCH!
THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE! PLEASE HAVE A SEAT, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW."
I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT AND TONIGHT --
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) -- TONIGHT IS THE
1,200TH EPISODE OF THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Jon: 1,200th EPISODE!
>> Stephen: THAT BREAKS OUR PREVIOUS RECORD SET ON FRIDAY.
CAN WE DO AGAIN TOMORROW? TUNE IN TO FIND OUT.
( LAUGHTER ) SPEAKING OF BREAKING RECORDS,
THANKS TO OMICRON, THE SEVEN -DAY AVERAGE FOR NEWLY REPORTED CASES
IN THE US TOPPED 700,000. 700,000!
THAT'S THE POPULATION OF DENVER. AND YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN TROUBLE
WHEN YOU'RE HIGHER THAN THE PEOPLE OF DENVER.
( LAUGHTER ) AT THE CURRENT PACE, THE VARIANT
IS SET TO TRIPLE THE PRE -OMICRON RECORD SET A YEAR AGO, AS YOU
CAN SEE ON THIS OMICRON SPIKE CHART CHART.
GAH! ( LAUGHTER )
THAT'S ALSO MY EKG AFTER SOMEONE SHOWED ME THAT CHART.
THAT MIGHT BE JUST THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG
AS DR SCOTT GOTTLIEB EXPLAINED YESTERDAY ON "THE NATION-FACE."
>> WE'RE PROBABLY ONLY DIAGNOSING SOMEWHERE BETWEEN ONE
IN FIVE AND ONE IN TEN IN ACTUAL INFECTIONS AND THERE IS A LOT OF
PEOPLE WALKING AROUND WITH MILD ILLNESS OR ASYMPTOMATIC
INFECTION WHO DON'T KNOW AND WHO ARE SPREADING IT.
>> STEPHEN: WAY TO KEEP THINGS OPTIMISTIC, DOC.
HE ALSO DOES MOTIVATIONAL POSTERS:
HANG IN THERE 'CUZ THINGS ARE ACTUALLY TEN
TIMES WORSE THAN YOU THINK. ( LAUGHTER )
SOME PEOPLE DON'T WANT TO KNOW HOW MANY CASES OF OMICRON ARE
OUT THERE. TAKE FLORIDA GOVERNOR AND MAN
REALIZING THAT THE GAS STATION SUSHI WAS A BAD IDEA
RON DESANTIS. DESANTIS CONTINUES TO OPPOSE
WIDESPREAD TESTING AS HE EXPLAINED ON FRIDAY.
>> THINK ABOUT IT. BEFORE COVID, DID ANYONE GO OUT
AND SEEK TESTING TO DETERMINE IF THEY WERE SICK?
IT'S USUALLY YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE SICK AND THEN YOU GET
TESTED TO DETERMINE WHAT YOU MAYBE HAVE COME DOWN WITH.
AND SO THIS IS KIND OF A NEW THING WHERE THEY'VE BEEN SAYING
JUST GO OUT AND TEST ALL THE TIME.
>> STEPHEN: YEAH, AND FOR THAT MATTER, DID WE EVER BUCKLE SEAT
BELTS BEFORE CARS WERE INVENTED? AND WHY DID THAT DOCTOR PUT A
CAMERA UP MY BUTT? I'M NOT EVEN ON TIK TOK.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
THIS OMICRON SURGE IS WREAKING HAVOC ON THE NATION'S SCHOOL
SYSTEMS. HERE IN NEW YORK CITY, CITYWIDE
ATTENDANCE, WHICH AVERAGED CLOSE TO 90% FOR MUCH OF THE FALL, HAS
DROPPED TO 69%. TERRIBLE.
THINK OF ALL THE KIDS WHO MISSED OUT ON GIGGLING AT THE NUMBER
69. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) NICE.
( LAUGHTER ) SO MANY TEACHERS ARE TESTING
POSITIVE, THERE'S ALSO A SHORTAGE OF SUBSTITUTE TEACHERS.
SO IN OHIO, TO BECOME A SUBSTITUTE
A DEGREE IS NO LONGER REQUIRED. THAT'S SHOCKING, SUBSTITUTE
TEACHERS HAD DEGREES? ( LAUGHTER )
I THOUGHT SUBS WERE JUST YOUR REGULAR TEACHER'S EX -BOYFRIEND.
(AS EX-BOYFRIEND TEACHER) OKAY KIDS, I'M TAKING OVER FOR
UH, MISS JENNINGS TODAY. POP QUIZ, FIRST QUESTION: DOES
SHE EVER TALK ABOUT ME? ( LAUGHTER )
ONE SCHOOL OFFICIAL SUMMARIZED THE NEW OFFER, SAYING
COME SUB FOR US, MAKE $125 A DAY AND GET TO BE WITH STUDENTS.
GET TO BE WITH STUDENTS IS NOT THE INCENTIVE THEY IMAGINE.
NOR IT IS AN ENTIRELY ACCURATE DESCRIPTION OF THE JOB.
BUT IT'S STILL BETTER THAN THE ORIGINAL AD:
YOU'RE HIRED CAN YOU PRESS 'PLAY' ON A VHS OF "BRAVEHEART?"
YOU'RE HIRED! THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT MOST
EXPERTS THINK THIS STEEP RISE IN OMICRON CASES WILL BE FOLLOWED
BY A STEEP DECLINE, RIGHT DR. FAUCI?
>> I WOULD HOPE-- I CAN'T PREDICT ACCURATELY, BECAUSE NO
ONE CAN-- BUT I WOULD HOPE THAT BY THE TIME WE GET TO THE FOURTH
WEEK IN JANUARY... END OF THE THIRD WEEK, BEGINNING OF THE
FOURTH WEEK... THAT WE WILL START TO SEE THIS COMING DOWN.
>> STEPHEN: CAN YOU BE MORE SPECIFIC?
THAT'S LIKE YOUR HOROSCOPE READING:
CAPRICORN: YOU WILL MAKE A CONNECTION WITH A HANDSOME
STRANGER. OR NOT.
MAYBE HE'LL GIVE YOU A DISEASE. NO ONE CAN PREDICT ACCURATELY.
( APPLAUSE ) SURE.
HOW ARE YOU FEELING? BUT OMICRON COULD BE OVER BY
GROUNDHOG'S DAY, WHICH WOULD BE JUST IN TIME BECAUSE
SCIENTISTS IN CYPRUS HAVE FOUND 25 CASES OF A STRAIN OF THE
CORONAVIRUS THAT THEY SAY COMBINES ELEMENTS OF THE DELTA
AND OMICRON VARIANTS, THAT THEY'RE CALLING, DELTACRON.
( LAUGHTER ) WHICH IS ALSO THE NAME OF THE
DISAPPOINTING TRANSFORMER THAT TURNS INTO A DELAYED FLIGHT TO
ATLANTA. ( LAUGHTER )
GOT THROUGH IT, MAN. BLACK ICE.
( LAUGHTER ) THIS NEW STRAIN HAS OMICRON -LIKE
GENETIC SIGNATURES WITHIN THE DELTA GENOMES.
BECAUSE IT'S SO COMPLICATED, THE SCIENTISTS RELEASED A VIDEO
EXPLAINING HOW THEY CAME BY THEIR DISCOVERY.
>> MMM >> MMM MMM O-MI-CRON
>> HEY YOU GOT YOUR DELTA IN MY OMICRON
>> YOU GOT YOUR OMICRON IN MY DELTA
>> WHAT? INFECTIOUS!
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: YES, SURE!
I LOVE A WOMAN WALKING DOWN THE STREET WITH AN OPEN JAR OF
PEANUT BUTTER. WHY DID HE NEVER QUESTION THAT
BEFORE? AND I LOVE THE OLD GUY THAT
COMES UP BEHIND THEM. JIMMY, PUT HIM UP
HEY, WHAT'S GOIN' ON YOU TWO? I GOT MY OWN STUFF HERE, I'M
GONNA EAT. ( LAUGHTER )
NO, YOU KEEP STICKING YOUR BAR IN HIS JAR.
I'M JUST GOING TO WATCH. ( APPLAUSE )
NO ONE QUESTIONED THAT. NO ONE QUESTIONED THAT.
SPEAKING OF CREEPY OLD MEN: OHIO REPRESENTATIVE JIM JORDAN,
SEEN HERE WARNING THE OTHER NEANDERTHALS: STAY IN CAVE,
TIGER KILL. JORDAN WAS DEEPLY INVOLVED IN
THE EFFORTS TO THROW OUT THE 2020 ELECTION RESULTS.
BUT, YESTERDAY, HE ANNOUNCED THAT
HE WAS REFUSING TO COOPERATE WITH THE JANUARY 6TH COMMITTEE
INVESTIGATING THE CAPITOL RIOT. TURNS OUT, AFTER WRESTLING WITH
THE DECISION, THE COMMITEE SHOWERING HIM WITH OPPORTUNITY
TO SPEAK UP, JIM JORDAN HAS DECIDED HE SAW NOTHING.
OHIO STATE. LOOK IT UP.
( LAUGHTER ) IN A STATEMENT, JORDAN EXPLAINED
THAT BEING ASKED TO HELP GET TO THE BOTTOM OF WHAT HAPPENED ON
JANUARY 6TH IS FAR OUTSIDE THE BOUNDS OF ANY LEGITIMATE
INQUIRY, VIOLATES CORE CONSTITUTIONAL PRINCIPLES AND
WOULD SERVE TO FURTHER ERODE LEGISLATIVE NORMS.
YES, WE MUST NOT ERODE LEGISLATIVE NORMS, OR AS ONE
JANUARY 6 ANALYST PUT IT: >> YAAAAAAH!
>> STEPHEN: THANK YOU, SENATOR BUFFALO NIPPLES.
( LAUGHTER ) BUT WE ARE LEARNING SOME THINGS
ABOUT THE PLOT TO OVERTURN THE ELECTION.
TURNS OUT, IN DECEMBER OF 2020 THE NATIONAL ARCHIVES RECEIVED
FAKE STATE DOCUMENTS DECLARING THE EX-PRESIDENT THE WINNER.
YOU CAN'T PUT FAKE DOCUMENTS IN THE NATIONAL ARCHIVES.
OUR NATIONAL REPOSITORY IS RESERVED ONLY FOR THE FOUNDING
FATHERS' SECRET TREASURE MAPS. BASICALLY, A GROUP OF MAGA
MORONS IN MICHIGAN AND ARIZONA FORGED CERTIFICATES TO TRICK THE
NATIONAL ARCHIVES INTO DECLARING THEIR GUY THE WINNER.
SO THEY WERE ATTEMPTING A COUP VIA FAKE I.D.
(AS BOUNCER) SAYS HERE YOUR NAME IS
'IDA REALPREZ,' LOOKS GOOD. GIVE HIM THE NUCLEAR CODES.
LAV LAV NO SURPRISE, THE NATIONAL
ARCHIVES SAW RIGHT THROUGH THE FAKE DOCUMENTS.
BUT THE MAGA FRAUDSTERS TRIED THEIR BEST.
THE ARIZONA LETTER FEATURED A STATE SEAL IN AN ATTEMPT TO
APPEAR AS IF IT WAS AN OFFICIAL DOCUMENT.
AND IT TAKES A SKILLED FORGER TO REPLICATE THEIR STATE SEAL:
AN OLD MAN FIGHTING A RATTLESNAKE
OVER AN ARIZONA ICED TEA. TURNS OUT, REPUBLICANS ARE GOING
CRAZY FROM SEA TO SHINING SEA. CASE IN POINT
INDIANA STATE SENATOR AND CHEM TEACHER WATCHING YOU EAT THAT
APPLE FROM ACROSS THE QUAD, SCOTT BALDWIN.
IN DECEMBER, BALDWIN INTRODUCED A BILL THAT WOULD PROHIBIT
SCHOOLS FROM TEACHING A VARIETY OF CONCEPTS RELATED TO SEX,
RACE, ETHNICITY, RELIGION, COLOR, AND NATIONAL ORIGIN.
LEAVING SHOP CLASS AND SIX HOURS OF DODGEBALL.
( LAUGHTER ) BALDWIN'S BILL HAS BEEN GETTING
A LOT OF BLOW-BACK FOR NOT LETTING TEACHERS... UH, TEACH.
SO THE STATE SENATE HAD A HEARING LAST WEEK WHERE A HIGH
SCHOOL TEACHER EXPLAINED WHY EDUCATORS CAN'T ALWAYS BE
NEUTRAL: >> IT'S SECOND SEMESTER OF U .S.
HISTORY SO WE'RE LEARNING ABOUT THE RISE OF FASCISM, THE RISE OF
NAZISM RIGHT NOW. AND I - I'M JUST NOT NEUTRAL ON
THE POLITICAL IDEOLOGY OF FASCISM.
WE'RE NOT NEUTRAL ON NAZISM. WE TAKE A STAND IN THE CLASSROOM
AGAINST IT AND IT MATTERS THAT WE DO.
>> I'M NOT DISCREDITING AS A PERSON MARXISM, NAZISM, FASCISM,
I'M NOT DISCREDITING ANY OF THOSE -ISMS OUT THERE, AND I
HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH THE EDUCATION SYSTEM PROVIDING
INSTRUCTION ON THE EXISTENCE OF THOSE -ISMS, I BELIEVE THAT
WE'VE GONE TOO FAR WHEN WE TAKE A POSITION ON THOSE - ISMS.
AS IT RELATES TO, WE NEED TO BE IMPARTIAL.
>> STEPHEN: SO HE'S SAYING WE SHOULD RESERVE JUDGEMENT ABOUT
-- ( BOOING )
>> Stephen: YOU'RE A LITTLE LATE.
HE'S SAYING HE SHOULD RESERVE JUDGMENT ABOUT
THE NAZIS. AS THEY DO IN THIS CLASSIC
SCENE: >> DON'T SHOOT!
LET'S HEAR THE NAZIS OUT! ( LAUGHTER )
I'M SURPRISED HANKS DID THAT PART.
>> STEPHEN: TURNS OUT, NOT DISCREDITING NAZIS WAS NOT THE
MOST POPULAR OPINION IN INDIANA, SO BALDWIN RELEASED THIS
STATEMENT: >> NAZISM, MARXISM AND FASCISM
ARE A STAIN ON OUR WORLD HISTORY AND SHOULD BE REGARDED AS SUCH,
AND I FAILED TO ADEQUATELY ARTICULATE THAT IN MY COMMENTS.
>> STEPHEN: FAILED TO ADEQUATELY ARTICULATE IS A PRETTY GENEROUS
WAY OF DESCRIBING, "I SAID THE EXACT OPPOSITE."
KIND OF LIKE WHEN SIR MIX-A- LOT RELEASED A STATEMENT SAYING
"WHEN I SAID THAT I LIKE BIG BUTTS, AND I CANNOT LIE, I
FAILED TO ARTICULATE THAT I'M ACTUALLY MORE OF A BOOB GUY."
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> STEPHEN: WE'VE GOT A GREAT
SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT, MY GUESTS ARE GAYLE KING AND TIG NOTARO,
BUT, WHEN WE COME BACK, YOU STILL CAN'T GET A PS5, BUT COWS
HAVE V.R. GOGGLES. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( BAND PLAYING )
>> Stephen: JON BATISTE AND "STAY HUMAN," EVERYBODY!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: JON -- JON-JON,
THE PIPER'S SON. JON, GOT A COUPLE OF LOVELY
LADIES ON THE SHOW TONIGHT. ONE OF MY FAVORITE COMEDIENNE'S
TIG NOTARO IS ON THE SHOW TONIGHT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) BUT JUST MOMENTS FROM NOW,
CELEBRATING TEN YEARS WITH CBS NEWS, OUR FRIEND GAYLE KING
IS GOING TO BE OUT HERE IN JUST A MOMENT.
>> Jon: ALL IN THE FAMILY. >> Stephen: EVERYBODY LOVES
GAYLE. FOLKS, AS YOU KNOW, I'M A HUGE
TECH-HEAD, AND I LOVE KEEPING UP TO DATE ON THE LATEST TECH, WITH
MY HEAD. AND THEN TELLING YOU ABOUT IT IN
MY LONG-RUNNING SEGMENT:
>> STEPHEN: FIRST UP: THE ANNUAL C.E.S. 2022 CONSUMER ELECTRONICS
SHOW JUST WRAPPED UP THIS WEEKEND, AND IT FEATURED AN
ARRAY OF UPSETTING NEW THINGS, LIKE THE LATEST IN JAPANESE
TOYS, A STUFFED ANIMAL ROBOT THAT WILL NIBBLE ON YOUR FINGER.
SO, IF YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT THE ROBOT UPRISING, TAKE COMFORT IN
THE KNOWLEDGE THAT WE'RE TEACHING THEM THAT WE'RE
DELICIOUS. LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT ONE OF THE
NIBBLERS WHOA.
CAN WE EVEN SHOW THAT ON CBS? JIMMY BLUR THAT.
BLUR IT! ( LAUGHTER )
THANK YOU. ( APPLAUSE )
THAT'S SOMEHOW WORSE. LOOK AT THOSE EYES, WE KNOW WHY
IT'S HUNGRY -- HE'S CLEARLY STONED.
THE AMAGAMI HAM-HAM KEEPS THINGS FRESH, TOO, BECAUSE IT HAS
AN ALGORITHM WITH TWO DOZEN NIBBLING PATTERNS, INCLUDING
TASTING MASSAGING
AND SUCTION. THE NIBBLER ENGINEERS CAME UP
WITH SUCTION BY ASKING THEMSELVES: HOW CAN WE MAKE SURE
THAT PEOPLE SUE US FOR PENIS INJURIES?
( LAUGHTER ) I KNOW.
IT'S SAD. I HAVE THE EXACT SAME FEELING.
FOLKS, COWS. SPECIFICALLY, MILKING COWS ARE
STEPPING INTO THE 21ST CENTURY. COWS STUCK INDOORS FOR WINTER
ARE GETTING VIRTUAL REALITY GOGGLES TO FEEL LIKE THEY'RE
OUTSIDE. THAT IS BLEAK AND DISTURBING AND
CAN I HAVE A PAIR? I FORGOT WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO
BE OUTSIDE, AND I'M 'THIS' CLOSE TO WATCHING "EMILY IN PARIS."
I HEAR GOOD THINGS. NO, I DON'T?
LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT IT. WOW, THAT IS UPSETTING.
IT'S ALMOST LIKE THERE'S NO DIGNITY LEFT IN LIVING YOUR LIFE
HOOKED UP TO A ROBOT BREAST PUMP?
NOTE TO SELF: BUY ALMOND MILK. ( LAUGHTER )
THE GOGGLES SHOW THE COWS SCENES OF A SUMMER FIELD.
AND THE BAMBOOZLED BOVINES APPEAR TO BE HAPPIER AND
PRODUCING MORE MILK. SO A COW'S LIFE NOW SUCKS SO BAD
THAT THE ONLY WAY TO GET THEM TO PRODUCE MILK, IS TO PUT THEM IN
THE THE MOOTRIX. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) I'LL WAIT.
I'LL WAIT RIGHT OUT. AND JUST A FIELD?
AT LEAST GIVE THEM THE FUN MATRIX WHERE THEY KNOW KUNG FU
AND GET TO DODGE BULLETS. ( LAUGHTER )
NEXT UP IN THE C TO THE B -GASM SCIENTISTS ARE WORKING ON A
TOILET THAT IDENTIFIES YOU BY YOUR BUTTHOLE.
( LAUGHTER ) CAN I BE THERE WHEN YOU BREAK
THIS TO THE TOILETS? GOOD NEWS, GUYS WE'VE GIVEN YOU
SENSORS AND INTELLIGENCE SO YOU CAN OBSERVE AND EXPERIENCE THE
WORLD AROUND YOU. ( LAUGHTER )
NOW, THE BAD NEWS, THE TOILET IS MEANT TO MONITOR THE HEALTH OF
YOUR BOWEL MOVEMENTS AND MATCH THE RESULTS TO YOU BY DEVELOPING
A SCANNER THAT CAN RECOGNIZE THE USER'S UNIQUE 'ANAL PRINT.'
WE CAN ONLY PRAY THIS TECHNOLOGY DOESN'T MAKE IT INTO THE NEXT
iPhone. YES, I DO HAVE MY BOARDING PASS
IT'LL TAKE ME A MINUTE TO UNLOCK MY PHONE.
( APPLAUSE ) NEXT UP, EXCITING NEWS IN THE
WORLD OF MEAT TECHNOLOGY ENGINEERS FIGURED OUT HOW TO
COOK 3D PRINTED CHICKEN WITH LASERS.
WE'LL GET TO YOU IN A MINUTE, CANCER.
WE'RE JUST PHOTOCOPYING SOME MCNUGGETS.
IS THE PROCESS DISGUSTING? JUDGE FOR YOURS--
OF COURSE IT IS. >> WE USED CHICKEN AS OUR MODEL
FOOD SYSTEM. WE PUREED THE RAW CHICKEN IN A
FOOD PROCESSOR AND EXTRUDED IT USING OUR 3D FOOD PRINTER.
CURRENT COOKING TECHNIQUES DON'T PROVIDE HIGH SPATIAL RESOLUTION
>> STEPHEN: MMM. I CAN'T WAIT TO BE TOLD I'M
SORRY YOUR CHICKEN IS TAKING SO LONG.
THE CHEF RAN OUT OF TONER. ( LAUGHTER )
LET'S SEE HOW THE LASER CHICKEN TURNED OUT.
>> MULTIPLE WAVELENGTHS SHOULD BE COMBINED FOR BEST COOKING
RESULTS. IN THE END, LASER COOKED SAMPLES
WERE EDIBLE AND ACHIEVED FOOD SAFE TEMPERATURES FOR
CONSUMPTION. YOU CAN'T SAY, "EDIBLE AND
FOOD-SAFE TEMPERATURES." THAT'S ALREADY THE SLOGAN FOR
ARBY'S. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH GAYLE
KING. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW."
BEAUTIFUL. WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW,"
ALREADY IN PROGRESS. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
MY FIRST GUEST IS A CO-HOST OF "CBS MORNINGS," EDITOR -AT-LARGE
FOR "OPRAH DAILY," AND THE HOST OF THE SIRIUSXM SHOW, "GAYLE
KING IN THE HOUSE." PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE
SHOW," GAYLE KING! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( BAND PLAYING )
>> Stephen: MADAME, WON'T YOU PLEASE HAVE A SEAT?
>> I WORE MY PARTY SHOES FOR YOU!
>> Stephen: I LOVE THOSE SHOES!
>> I WORE THEM FOR YOU. HI JON, HI CHRIS!
>> Stephen: POM-POM, THAT'S NICE.
KIDDO, WE WERE BACKSTAGE, AND YOU HUGGED ME WHEN WE GOT
BACKSTAGE, WE HUGGED JUST NOW. OBVIOUSLY, EVERYONE'S GOTTEN A
NICE HUG FROM GAYLE OVER HERE. ARE YOU NERVOUS FOR THAT?
I WANT TO BE GOOD BUT I'M A LITTLE EXHAUSTED.
>> I SAID, I'M ALL VACCINATED AND BOOSTED, HE SAID, IT DOESN'T
MATTER. >> Stephen: WHAT IF YOU TEST
POSITIVE? I HAVE TO STOP THE SHOW.
>> THERE ARE SO MANY BREAKTHROUGHS SO I'M SO WORRIED
ABOUT THAT, BUT I'M SO TIRED OF BEING TIRED AND AFRAID OF THIS.
I AM. I THINK WE'VE ALL GOT TO FIGURE
OUT HOW WE CAN LIVE OUR LIVES AND NAVIGATE IT.
THAT'S WHERE I AM. I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK HOME.
( APPLAUSE ) AT CBS, WE GET TESTED ON A
REGULAR BASIS, THANK YOU, CBS FOR HAVING TESTING FACILITIES SO
WE CAN GET TESTED ON A REGULAR BASIS.
BUT THEY SAID, WE HAVE TO HAVE A CONTINGENCY PLAN TO GO BACK INTO
OUR HOMES. I SAID I WOULD RATHER RUN DOWN
TIMES SQUARE BUCK NAKED THAN GO BACK HOME.
BUCK NAKED, THAT'S WHAT I WOULD RATHER DO, THAN GO BACK HOME.
>> Stephen: I'M TELLING YOU, GAYLE, SUPER BOWL RATINGS.
>> SUPER BOWL RATINGS, AND PEOPLE GOING, I'M GOING BLIND!
TELL HER TO PUT ON CLOTHES! ( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: SINCE THE LAST TIME WE SPOKE, YOU HAVE BECOME A
GRANDMA. >> OH, LUCA!
>> Stephen: AS IF I HAVE TO ASK, HOW IS GRANDMA LIFE
TREATING YOU? >> OH, MY GOSH!
LISTEN, I KNOW EVERYBODY THAT HAS THE GRANDCHILD, I'M NOT THE
FIRST, THINKS THEIR GRANDCHILD IS CUTE, BE UH THIS KID IS SO
LITTLE CUTE. I HAVE A LITTLE SONG.
MAY I SING IT. >> Stephen: OF COURSE YOU MAY.
♪ YOU-CA-LUKE-LALY, WHAT A PRETTY BABY ♪
THAT'S IT. >> Stephen:
( APPLAUSE ) >> THEN I RUB HIS LITTLE TUMMY.
LESLEY STAHL DID A BOOK ABOUT GRANDPARENTS.
I SAID, THIS IS VERY INTERESTING.
THEN I HAD MY OWN AND I WENT BACK AND I SAID, THIS BOOK IS SO
GOOD! >> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU THINK
SQUIRTS IN THE BRAIN OF A GRANDPARENT.
IS IT DIFFERENT THAN YOUR OWN CHILD?
>> YES, IT IS. >> Stephen: BETTER?
NO, BECAUSE I LOVE BEING A MOTHER, TOO.
BUT THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT THE CIRCLE OF LIFE THAT YOU MADE
THIS POSSIBLE, AND THEN TO SEE YOUR OWN CHILD BECOME A PARENT
AND YOU THINK THAT THEY'RE A PRETTY GOOD PARENT, THERE'S
SOMETHING, I DON'T KNOW EVEN KNOW HOW TO DESCRIBE IT, BUT
PEOPLE STOP ME ON THE STREET SAY, WHAT'S IT LIKE, HOW DO YOU
FEEL, I'M A GRANT, TOO -- YOU'RE NOT A GRANT YET, RIGHT?
>> Stephen: NOT THAT I KNOW OF.
( LAUGHTER ) WE HAVE A CLIP HERE.
CAN YOU SET UP WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE?
>> FIRST, I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS.
SO FAVORITE DAUGHTER KIRBY, I HAVE A FAVORITE SON-IN-LAW
VIRGIL, AND FAVORITE SON. SO WE ALL SPENT CHRISTMAS AT
OPRAHS, I WASN'T THERE. SHE WAS MEETING LUCA FOR THE
FIRST TIME. I CALLED HER UP AND SAID WHAT
ARE YOU GUYS DOING? SHE SAID YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT
WE'RE DOING. OPRAH HAS A PHOBIA OF BALLOONS
AND SHE WAS ACTUALLY BLOWING UP BALLOONS AND PREPARING WHAT SHE
CALLED LUCA'S WELCOME TO HER HOME.
>> Stephen: THIS IS THE WELCOME.
HERE YOU GO. ( SINGING )
>> WELCOME BABY LUCA! WE HAVE BEEN WAITING TO SEE YOU!
YOU HAVE BEEN WAITING TO SEE ME! ( SMOOCHING )
>> Stephen: OH, THAT'S REALLY LOVELY.
>> I THINK THAT'S LOVELY ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: I GOT THE SAME GREETING WHEN I WENT TO OPRAH'S.
>> DID YOU? >> Stephen: MM-HMM.
OPRAH HAS A SCHOOL IN SOUTH AFRICA AND SOME OF HER STUDENTS
ARE WOMEN AND THEY DID THE WHOLE LION KING.
I WAS HERE AT "CBS MORNINGS" -- HOPEFULLY IT'S YOUR FAVORITE
MORNING SHOW. >> Stephen: OF COURSE, IT IS
( APPLAUSE ) >> SHAMELESS APPLAUSE.
WHEN THEY SENT ME THE TAPE, STEVE AND I LOOKED AT IT TEN
TIMES. I GOT CHOKED UP.
I THOUGHT IT WAS OVER THE TOP BUT IT WAS REAL SWEET.
>> Stephen: YESTERDAY, YOU HIT THE MILESTONE, YOUR TENTH
ANNIVERSARY WORKING OVER AT CBS NEWS.
>> I KNOW. >> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU
REMEMBER ABOUT WHEN YOU STARTED AT CBS OTHER THAN THE FACT THAT
THAT GUY OVER THERE MY SHOW RUNNER CHRIS LECT WAS YOUR SHOW
RUNNER AND HE BROUGHT YOU ON. >> I THINK CHRIS HAS EXCELLENT
TASTE AND TALENT, DON'T YOU? >> Stephen: HE DOES.
ALL KIDDING ASSAYED -- ASIDE, I WOULDN'T BE HERE IF IT WASSENT
FOR CHRIS. CAN YOU IMAGINE THE CONVERSATION
THAT MUST HAVE BEEN HAD WHEN CHRIS SAID YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD
HAVE BEEN GOOD, GAYLE KING AND CHARLIE ROSE.
I CAN IMAGINE THE LOOK ON THE WALL WAS LIKE CRICKETS BUT HE
SAW SOMETHING AND WE HAD A REALLY GOOD TEAM FOR A VERY LONG
TIME. SO I REMEMBER THAT FIRST DAY
BEING VERY NERVOUS NOT THAT I WAS WORRIED ABOUT COULD I DO THE
JOB, BECAUSE I THOUGHT I COULD DO IT, BUT I JUST WANTED IT TO
BE GREAT, STEPHEN. YOU KNOW THAT FEELING WHEN YOU
WANT SOMETHING SO BADLY AND YOU WANT TO BE GOOD AT IT?
THAT'S WHAT I WANTED. >> Stephen: WELL, HERE YOU ARE
ON DAY ONE. >> YES.
>> Stephen: AND THIS WEEK. YES.
>> Stephen: THERE YOU ARE. YES.
( APPLAUSE ) YES.
THAT WAS 2012. THAT WAS 2022.
SO YELLOW IS MY FAVORITE COLOR BECAUSE I BELIEVE YELLOW IS MY
HAPPY PLACE. BUTTER AND SUNSHINE ARE YELLOW,
TWO OF MY FAVORITE THINGS IN THE WORLD.
I HAD ALEX CRAMER, THE DESIGNER, MADE THE DRESS FOR ME.
YELLOW JUST MAKES ME FEEL GOOD. LOOK AT THAT.
>> Stephen: HOW IS NATE BURLESON DOING THERE, YOUR NEW
BUDDY? >> FANTASTIC, NATE, ME AND TONYY
DOKOUPIL. ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK.
WHEN WE COME BACK, GAYLE WILL TELL US ALL ABOUT HER VISION
BOARDING. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WE'RE HERE WITH GAYLE KING. YOU HAVE ANOTHER GIG WHICH IS
EDITOR-AT-LARGE OF "OPRAH DAILY."
>> YES. >> Stephen: YOU'RE CO -HOSTING
AN ONLINE EVENT TOMORROW. WHAT'S HAPPENING?
>> ADAM AND GLASSMAN AND I ARE DOING THIS LIVE.
WE'RE DOING SOMETHING CALLED VISIONBOARDING.
ANYBODY HERE DONE A VISION BOARD?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) OKAY, VISION BOARDING IS BIG
WHERE YOU PROJECT WHAT YOU WANT, YOU MANIFEST IT, PUT IT OUT
THERE. WE'RE DOING A WORKSHOP LIVE.
IT'S FOR AN "OPRAH DAILY" INSIDER.
ARE YOU AN "OPRAH DAILY" INSIDER?
>> Stephen: OF COURSE. HOW COULD I NOT BE?
( WHISPERS -- ) WHAT IS THAT?
>> IT'S "OPRAH DAILY," $25 FOR THE YEAR, USED TO BE 50.
>> Stephen: THAT'S A DEAL. THAT'S A REALLY GOOD DEAL
BECAUSE YOU GET SPECIAL EXCLUSIVES LIKE OUR VISION
BOARDING SESSION. OPRAH WILL TEACH A CLASS EVERY
MONTH THIS YEAR. >> Stephen: I'VE NEVER VISION
BOARDED. >> I HAVEN'T EITHER.
>> Stephen: I'M UNCHEER WHAT HAPPENS.
IS IT JUST A COLLAGE OF PHOTOS, TAPE IT ON A BOARD AND SAY, I
WANT THAT IN MY LIFE! >> YOU DON'T HAVE TO MAKE IT
SOUND SO SILLY. >> Stephen: I DIDN'T.
YES, YOU DID. >> Stephen: LET ME TRY
AGAIN -- IS IT WHERE YOU TAKE IMAGES AND PLACE IT ON THE BOARD
AND SAY I WANT TO BRING THAT INTO MY LIFE.
IS THAT LESS SILLY? >> YES, THOUGH I KNOW YOU'RE
MAKING FUN OF ME. I'VE NEVER DONE IT EITHER,
BECAUSE I THOUGHT -- BUT PEOPLE SAY WHEN YOU PUT IT OUT THERE IN
THE UNIVERSE -- >> Stephen: YES.
-- AND YOU REALLY SAY THIS IS WHAT I WANT IN MY LIFE, I'M
GOING TO TRY IT AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS.
>> Stephen: I DO NOT DOUBT FOR A MOMENT IT HAS AN EFFECT.
>> SOMEBODY SAYS IT WORKS. >> Stephen: I'M A CATHOLIC.
THAT'S WHAT IMAGES OF SAINTS ARE FOR IS YOU CONCENTRATE ON THAT
AND THAT MOVES YOU TOWARD THAT MOMENT IN YOUR LIFE.
>> I'M GOING TO BE DOING MY FIRST ONE LIVE TOMORROW.
>> Stephen: WHAT'S ON THE GAYLE VISION BOARD.
>> 2022, YOU KNOW, I'M VERY DISORGANIZED.
I'D LIKE TO FIGURE OUT A WAY TO BE BETTER ORGANIZED.
WHEN COVID FIRST HIT, I DIDN'T LEAVE MY APARTMENT FOR 105 DAYS,
THAT'S HOW FREAKED OUT I AM ABOUT IT.
SO WHEN I SAY I DON'T WANT TO DO BACK TO THAT PLACE, I MOVED FROM
THE SUBURBS, SO I WANT OUTDOOR SPACE.
I LIKE DOGS, IF I COULD FIND A PLACE WITH OUTDOOR SPACE.
IT WOULD BE NICE TO HAVE A PARTNER AT SOME POINT IN LIFE.
SO I'M PUTTING THAT OUT THERE ABOUT THINGS I THINK ARE GOOD IN
A MAN. >> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU THINK
ARE GOOD IN A MAN? >> WELL, I WOULD LIKE YOU TO
HAVE YOUR OWN TEETH. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: TEETH!
I DO. I'M SORRY, BUT I DO.
>> Stephen: THE BAR IS LOW. NO, NO, NO, BUT, YOU KNOW,
YOU WANT SOMEBODY WHO IS INTELLIGENT, WHO'S KIND, WHO'S
FUNNY. SO I'M PUTTING OUT DIFFERENT
TYPES OF MEN WHO HAVE THE QUALITIES THAT I LIKE.
>> Stephen: GOT IT. MUST LOVE DOGS.
>> I HAVE SOME DOOZIES -- I WANT A LITTLE BIT OF THAT, THAT,
THAT, THAT -- >> Stephen: YOU WILL TELL US
TOMORROW THE MAN YOU WOULD COMBINE TO MAKE THE
FRANKEN-GAYLE PARTNER? >> I'LL GO WITH THAT.
I LIKE A GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR, INTELLIGENCE.
I'M BIG, I'M 5-10, SO I WOULD LIKE BIG.
LIFE IS BETTER WHEN IT'S SHARED. I'M NOT SITTING HERE GOING OH,
MY GOD IT'S NOT A PITY PARTY FOR ME, BECAUSE I HAVE A REALLY GOOD
LIFE AND GOOD FRIENDS AND ALL THAT STUFF, BUT I BELIEVE LIFE
IS BETTER WHEN SHARED. >> Stephen: I AGREE.
WHAT DO WE WANT TO BE, NOT ALONE.
>> YES, YES. >> Stephen: GAYLE, LOVELY TO
SEE YOU. >> I LOVE COMING HERE.
>> Stephen: >> STEPHEN: "CBS MORNINGS" AIRS
WEEKDAYS AT 7:00 A.M. ON CBS. GAYLE KING, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH TIG
NOTARO.
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! WELCOME BACK!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY NEXT GUEST IS A COMEDIAN AND
ACTOR YOU KNOW FROM HER STAND-UP SPECIALS, "STAR TREK:
DISCOVERY," AND "ARMY OF THE DEAD."
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO THE LATE SHOW, TIG NOTARO.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING )
>> Stephen: HEY, TIG.
HI, STEPHEN. >> Stephen: GOOD TO SEE YOU
AGAIN. >> GOOD TO SEE YOU.
>> Stephen: HOW HAVE YOU BEEN? GOOD.
>> Stephen: YOUR TWINS WERE ABOUT TO TURN FIVE WHEN YOU WERE
HERE IN MAY. >> YES.
>> Stephen: AND WE'VE HAD FIVE-YEAR-OLD CHRISTMAS WITH
THEM WHICH IS A SWEET SPOT FOR CHRISTMAS.
HOUSE OF CHRISTMAS WITH THE KIDS THIS YEAR?
>> IT WAS REALLY GREAT. YOU KNOW, THEY'RE TWINS, BUT
THEY'RE VERY DIFFERENT. LIKE, MY SON MAX IS LIKE A
60-YEAR-OLD MAN, BUT HE CAME IN AND TOLD MY WIFE STEPHANIE, HE
WALKED IN THE ROOM AND HE WAS LIKE, OH...
OH... AND SHE SAID, WHAT IS IT, MAX?
AND HE SAID, I WANTED TO DO A BELLY FLOP ON THE COUCH, AND I
KNOW I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO, HE SAID, BUT I'M AFRAID I'VE ENDED
UP ON THE NAUGHTY LIST. ( LAUGHTER )
HE SAID, I DID IT, AND IT FELT SO GOOD!
( LAUGHTER ) AND HE SAID, UM, IF I SEND UP
GETTING COAL, CAN I STILL PLAY WITH IT?
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: WOW!
MAKING THE BEST OF IT. >> YEAH.
SO HE AND HIS BROTHER FINN WERE LIKE -- FINN WAS LIKE, YEAH, WE
COULD PLAY HOPSCOTCH WITH IT. ( LAUGHTER )
OR THEY WERE JUST COMING UP WITH ALL DIFFERENT THINGS THAT THEY
COULD DO WITH COAL. >> Stephen: WOW, I LOVE THAT
CTHAT -- CRISIS HE'S GOING THROUGH, HAVE I BEEN GOOD ENOUGH
FOR THE REWARD. >> HE'S, YEAH, I THINK I'M GOING
TO BE ON THE NAUGHTY LIST. >> Stephen: HAVE YOU USED THE
COTTON CANDY MACHINE I GAVE YOU LAST YEAR?
>> NOT YET. >> Stephen: YOU HAVEN'T USED
IT AT ALL? >> NO.
>> Stephen: WHY? BECAUSE IT'S AT OUR OFFICE.
EVERY TIME I SEE YOU, YOU SAY, HAVE YOU USED THE COTTON CANDY
MACHINE THAT I GAVE YOU -- >> Stephen: IT'S A GOOD ONE.
IT'S NOT HASBRO, IT'S A GOOD ONE.
YOU COULD BE A CARNEY! ( LAUGHTER )
>> ONE DAY, LIB A CARNEY. IT'S TOTALLY CARNIVAL STYLE
COTTON CANDY. I THINK THIS IS THE YEAR WE'LL
BE ABLE TO USE IT BECAUSE IT'S BEEN A SLOW -- A SLOW PROCESS
GETTING TO THE COTTON CANDY. THERE'S BEEN A PANDEMIC, AND --
>> Stephen: WHAT BETTER TIME TO HAVE A COTTON CANDY MACHINE
BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO TO THE CARNIVAL WHERE THE DISEASES
ARE, YOU BRING THE CARNIVAL TO YOUR HOME, TIG.
>> I UNDERSTAND, STEPHEN, BUT HOW PATHETIC TO SET UP A
CARNIVAL SIZE COTTON CANDY MACHINE AND DO IT FOR MY TWO
SONS. ( LAUGHTER )
AND THEN PACK THE WHOLE THING UP AGAIN.
>> Stephen: IT'S TRUE. I APOLOGIZE.
I'M NOT THINKING. I'M NOT THINKING.
OKAY, YOU'RE GOING BACK OUT ON THE ROAD AGAIN WITH YOUR COMEDY
TOUR "HELLO AGAIN." >> YES.
>> Stephen: THAT I REALLY ENJOY.
>> YS. >> Stephen: KICKS OFF TOMORROW
IN PITTSBURGH. HERE YOU ARE WITH AN AUDIENCE.
HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE IN FRONT OF AN AUDIENCE AGAIN?
>> UM -- IT FEELS GREAT. IT FEELS REALLY GOOD.
I PERFORMED TRULY FOUR TIMES IN THE PAST TWO YEARS.
SO I AM OFFERING REFUNDS. ( LAUGHTER )
IF IT DOESN'T GO WELL. >> Stephen: IF YOU'RE A LITTLE
RUSTY. >> YEAH, IF I'M A LITTLE RUSTY.
AND, YEAH, I'M VERY MUCH EXCITED.
>> Stephen: HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN TOURING?
HOW MANY YEARS AGO DID YOU START?
>> I STARTED 25 YEARS AGO. >> Stephen: WOW.
( APPLAUSE ) YEAH.
A QUARTER OF A CENTURY. >> Stephen: YOU'VE KICKED IT
UP A NOTCH HERE. >> YEAH.
>> Stephen: THIS IS HOW YOU'RE GETTING AROUND ON YOUR TOUR THIS
TIME. THERE YOU ARE, YOU POSTED THIS
THE OTHER DAY, THIS IS YOU AND YOUR CHOPPER.
>> YEAH. >> Stephen: YOU'RE FLYING THIS
CHOPPER ON YOUR TOUR, RIGHT? >> THAT'S RIGHT.
NOT REALLY. ( LAUGHTER )
I'M NOT AN ( BLEEP ), YOU KNO. >> Stephen: USING THE SALTY
TALK ON CBS. >> I'M ALLOWED TO SAY ( BLEEP ?
>> Stephen: NO. YOU KNOW WHAT, STEPHEN?
SINCE I TID SAY ( BLEEP ) ON - WHAT IS THIS?
CBS. >> ON CBS.
>> Stephen: WHAT IS THIS? WHAT IS THIS?
( APPLAUSE )
IT'S THE DUEMONT NETWORK. >> I JUST WANT TO POINT OUT FOR
THE VIEWERS AT HOME THAT THE WORD ( BLEEP ) THAT I KNOW I'M
NOT SUPPOSED TO SAY, THEY BLEEP "HOLE."
>> Stephen: THIS IS TRUE. O, AT HOME, WATCH, I'M SAY
ASS ( BLEEP ). THEY LEAVE ASS
( LAUGHTER ) BUT IF YOU SAY ASS ON ITS OWN,
THEN IT'S FINE. THEY DON'T BLEEP YOU.
AND IF YOU SAY HOLE, THEY DON'T BLEEP YOU.
( APPLAUSE ) BUT -- BUT -- IF YOU SAY ASS
( BLEEP ) -- SEE? THEY JUST BLEEPED HOLE.
BUT WHEN I SAID THEY BLEEPED HOLE, THEY DIDN'T BLEEP HOLE.
( LAUGHTER ) AND IF I SAY I'M NOT AN ASS,
NOBODY BLEEPED THAT, BUT IF I SAY ASS ( BLEEP ) THEY SAY, WE
CAN'T HAVE HOLE FOLLOWING ASS. >> Stephen: WE CAN'T KNOW
ABOUT THAT PART -- OF THE ASS. ( LAUGHTER )
THAT'S IMPLIED, BUT HOW DARE YOU.
>> HOW DARE YOU MENTION THERE'S A HOLE, NO PROBLEM, BUT ASS
( BLEEP ) -- BLEEP! >> Stephen: YOU KNOW, THEY ARE
TEACHING TOILETS TO RECOGNIZE PEOPLE BY THE PATTERN --
>> WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DO THAT? >> Stephen: I'M PICTURING, I
DID THE BOWL -- >> STEPHEN --
>> Stephen: AND THIS IS THE VIEW.
>> STEPHEN, IF THAT'S THE VIEW, UM, YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT.
>> Stephen: NO, BUT -- BUT FOR A FRIEND --
( LAUGHTER ) WELL, HER TOUR "HELLO AGAIN"
STARTS TOMORROW. ( PIANO RIFF )
TICKETS ARE AVAILABLE ON TIGNOTARO.COM
TIG NOTARO, EVERYBODY WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) LATE SHOW."
TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUEST WILL BE BRADLEY COOPER.
GOOD NIGHT.