1 00:00:01,401 --> 00:00:04,003 CHRIS WALLACE, THE LONGTIME ANCHOR OF FOX NEWS SUNDAY 2 00:00:04,070 --> 00:00:05,271 ANNOUNCED YESTERDAY THAT HE'S 3 00:00:05,338 --> 00:00:08,308 LEAVING THE NETWORK TO MOVE TO CNN'S NEW STREAMING SERVICE. 4 00:00:08,375 --> 00:00:10,110 >> THIS IS INCREASINGLY THE TUCKER CARLSON CHANNEL, AND 5 00:00:10,176 --> 00:00:13,980 JOURNALISTS LIKE WALLACE JUST COULD NOT ABIDE IT ANYMORE. 6 00:00:14,047 --> 00:00:16,783 THIS NETWORK HAS RADICALIZED, AND THERE'S NO ROOM ANYMORE FOR 7 00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:21,287 PEOPLE LIKE CHRIS WALLACE. >> FINALLY, A PERSONAL NOTE. 8 00:00:21,354 --> 00:00:26,059 AFTER 18 YEARS, THIS IS MY FINAL "FOX NEWS SUNDAY." 9 00:00:26,126 --> 00:00:27,660 >> THERE ARE OBVIOUSLY NAMES 10 00:00:27,727 --> 00:00:30,063 THAT ARE FLOATED AROUND IN WASHINGTON. 11 00:00:30,130 --> 00:00:34,134 >> KYLE RITTENHOUSE. 12 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:36,336 MR. POTATO HEAD. THE GHOST OF RONALD REAGAN. 13 00:00:36,403 --> 00:00:40,273 YOUR AUNT CAROL DRUNK ON WINE. 14 00:00:40,340 --> 00:00:43,510 >> HEY, THAT'S ME! 15 00:00:43,576 --> 00:00:46,079 SOMEONE WHO'S REALLY NOT VERY SMART. 16 00:00:46,146 --> 00:00:49,449 >> WHAT ABOUT THE TWELVE 17 00:00:49,516 --> 00:00:54,087 SLAVE-OWNING ANIMATRONIC FIGURES IN THE HALL OF THE PRESIDENTS? 18 00:00:54,154 --> 00:01:02,162 >> ( BLEEP ) OFF. 19 00:01:02,228 --> 00:01:05,165 BE GONE, BYE-BYE. 20 00:01:05,231 --> 00:01:11,704 >> O'Donnell: IT'S THE SHOW WITH STEPHEN STEPHEN! 21 00:01:11,771 --> 00:01:14,174 TONIGHT, ABUSE OF PowerPoint. 22 00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:22,081 PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES KEANU REEVES, AND MUSICAL GUEST BRETT 23 00:01:22,148 --> 00:01:30,790 ELDREDGE, FEATURING J JOHN BAPTISTE AND STAY HUMAN. 24 00:01:30,857 --> 00:01:34,160 LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE THEATER THEATER IN NEW YORK CITY, IT'S 25 00:01:34,227 --> 00:01:49,108 STEPHEN STEPHEN! STEPHEN COLBERT! 26 00:01:49,175 --> 00:01:58,151 STEPHEN STEPHEN! STEPHEN COLBERT! 27 00:01:58,218 --> 00:02:13,166 >> Stephen: WELCOME ONE AND 28 00:02:13,233 --> 00:02:16,903 >> Stephen: WELCOME ONE AND 29 00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:20,840 ALL, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, TO THE "LATE SHOW." 30 00:02:20,907 --> 00:02:25,211 I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT. DECEMBER 13, IT IS HARD TO 31 00:02:25,278 --> 00:02:33,520 BELIEVE, BUT THIS IS OUR LAST WEEK OF SHOWS FOR 2021. 32 00:02:33,586 --> 00:02:43,630 ( AUDIENCE REACTS ) I'M NOT SORRY TO SEE IT GO. 33 00:02:43,696 --> 00:02:45,365 IT'S BEEN A CRAZY AND BEWILDERING YEAR. 34 00:02:45,431 --> 00:02:46,900 STARTING WITH POLITICAL CHAOS, A CONTINUING PANDEMIC, AND 35 00:02:46,966 --> 00:02:48,535 UNPRECEDENTED WEATHER EVENTS AROUND THE WORLD, INCLUDING THIS 36 00:02:48,601 --> 00:02:50,003 WEEKEND, WHEN A MASSIVE BAND OF TORNADOES HIT 8 STATES, LEAVING 37 00:02:50,069 --> 00:02:52,272 A PATH OF DEVASTATION, HITTING KENTUCKY ESPECIALLY HARD. 38 00:02:52,338 --> 00:02:54,240 IF YOU WANNA HELP, AND I KNOW YOU DO, AND ARE LOOKING FOR 39 00:02:54,307 --> 00:02:58,244 SUGGESTIONS, GO TO @COLBERTLATESHOW ON TWITTER, 40 00:02:58,311 --> 00:03:00,914 WHERE WE HAVE A LIST OF ORGANIZATIONS YOU CAN SUPPORT TO 41 00:03:00,980 --> 00:03:02,315 MAKE A DIFFERENCE FOR THE VICTIMS OF THESE TERRIBLE 42 00:03:02,382 --> 00:03:04,984 STORMS. DOESN'T MATTER WHERE YOU LIVE, 43 00:03:05,051 --> 00:03:14,294 OR WHO YOU ARE: AMERICANS HELP EACH OTHER OUT. 44 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:26,773 ( APPLAUSE ) AS I SAID, THE POLITICS OF 2021 45 00:03:26,839 --> 00:03:28,942 STARTED WITH VIOLENCE. OUR 3RD SHOW OF THE YEAR WAS 46 00:03:29,008 --> 00:03:30,109 JANUARY 6TH. MY NO-DRINK-JANUARY QUICKLY 47 00:03:30,176 --> 00:03:36,182 TURNED INTO VODKAVEMBER. OVER 11 MONTHS LATER, WE STILL 48 00:03:36,249 --> 00:03:39,085 DON'T KNOW EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED ON THAT DARK DAY, AND THUS FAR, 49 00:03:39,152 --> 00:03:42,522 THE RINGLEADERS HAVE GOTTEN OFF SCOT-FREE. 50 00:03:42,589 --> 00:03:45,425 THAT MAY BE ABOUT TO CHANGE, THANKS TO THE HOUSE SELECT 51 00:03:45,491 --> 00:03:49,395 COMMITTEE ON JANUARY 6TH. THEY ARE TURNING UP THE HEAT ON 52 00:03:49,462 --> 00:03:52,098 ADMINISTRATION OFFICIALS INVOLVED IN THE PLANNING OF THE 53 00:03:52,165 --> 00:03:55,168 INSURRECTION LIKE, FORMER WHITE HOUSE CHIEF OF STAFF AND MAN 54 00:03:55,234 --> 00:03:57,437 USING ONE PHONE TO CALL HIS OTHER PHONE TO PRETEND HE HAS 55 00:03:57,503 --> 00:04:05,111 FRIENDS, MARK MEADOWS. MEADOWS ORIGINALLY AGREED TO 56 00:04:05,178 --> 00:04:08,181 CO-OPERATE WITH THE COMMITTEE, BEFORE CHANGING HIS MIND. 57 00:04:08,247 --> 00:04:09,849 BUT WHEN HE WAS STILL CO-OPERATING, HE GAVE THE 58 00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:13,519 COMMITTEE SOME PRETTY JUICY DETAILS LIKE A POWERPOINT 59 00:04:13,586 --> 00:04:17,490 DOCUMENT FILLED WITH EXTREME PLANS TO OVERTURN THE 2020 60 00:04:17,557 --> 00:04:22,161 ELECTION. POWERPOINT? 61 00:04:22,228 --> 00:04:25,765 THEY WEREN'T JUST TRYING TO OVERTURN DEMOCRACY, THEY WERE 62 00:04:25,832 --> 00:04:37,910 TRYING TO BORE IT TO DEATH. BORED TO DEATH! 63 00:04:37,977 --> 00:04:38,978 ( APPLAUSE ) REMINDS ME OF THAT FAMOUS QUOTE 64 00:04:39,045 --> 00:04:40,013 FROM T.S. ELIOT: THIS IS THE WAY THE WORLD ENDS: 65 00:04:40,079 --> 00:04:44,050 NOT WITH A BANG, BUT WITH A STAR WIPE. 66 00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:47,520 ( LAUGHTER ) I JUST LEARNED HOW TO DO THAT 67 00:04:47,587 --> 00:04:49,522 ( APPLAUSE ) HE SEEMS HAPPY. 68 00:04:49,589 --> 00:04:54,961 HE'S PROUD OF HIMSELF. >> Jon: YEAH, HE'S PROUD OF 69 00:04:55,028 --> 00:04:56,029 HIMSELF. PowerPoint. 70 00:04:56,095 --> 00:05:00,800 >> Stephen: SO WHAT WAS IN THE SLIDES OF SEDITION? 71 00:05:00,867 --> 00:05:02,535 WE'RE NOT EXACTLY SURE YET, BUT THERE IS ONE DECK THAT'S BEEN 72 00:05:02,602 --> 00:05:04,270 CIRCULATING, AND ONE OF THE SLIDES WAS A LIST OF 73 00:05:04,337 --> 00:05:09,575 RECOMMENDATIONS, INCLUDING A PLAN TO DECLARE A NATIONAL 74 00:05:09,642 --> 00:05:12,645 SECURITY EMERGENCY. NOT SURE HOW YOU DO THAT. 75 00:05:12,712 --> 00:05:15,081 I ASSUME BY BREAKING INTO EVERY BROADCAST USING 76 00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:17,583 THE EMERGENCY BULL-( BLEEP ) SYSTEM. 77 00:05:17,650 --> 00:05:21,587 THEY WERE ALSO PLANNING TO DECLARE ELECTRONIC VOTING IN ALL 78 00:05:21,654 --> 00:05:25,692 STATES INVALID. ( AUDIENCE REACTS ) 79 00:05:25,758 --> 00:05:28,261 INSTEAD, THEY WANTED TO RELY ONLY ON LEGAL AND GENUINE PAPER 80 00:05:28,327 --> 00:05:32,498 BALLOT COUNTS. OK, SO IF YOU CAN'T TRUST 81 00:05:32,565 --> 00:05:37,570 COMPUTERS, HOW ARE YOU GIVING YOUR PRESENTATION? 82 00:05:37,637 --> 00:05:49,582 VIA POWERPOINT PIGEON? THEY'RE STAGING A COUP-COUP! 83 00:05:49,649 --> 00:05:52,885 ( APPLAUSE ) ONE OF THE BIG MYSTERIES OF 84 00:05:52,952 --> 00:05:59,292 JANUARY 6 IS: WHERE WAS THE NATIONAL GUARD? 85 00:05:59,358 --> 00:06:01,127 WELL, INFORMATION THE COMMITTEE GOT FROM MEADOWS MAY SHED SOME 86 00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:02,562 LIGHT ON THAT. BECAUSE ON JANUARY 5, HE SENT AN 87 00:06:02,628 --> 00:06:04,797 EMAIL INDICATING THAT THE NATIONAL GUARD WAS ON 88 00:06:04,864 --> 00:06:09,635 STANDBY, TO PROTECT THE RIOTERS. THE ONLY WAY TO REALLY PROTECT 89 00:06:09,702 --> 00:06:13,639 THE MAGA MOB WOULD BE TO GO BACK IN TIME AND BEG THEIR FATHERS TO 90 00:06:13,706 --> 00:06:16,342 HUG THEM MORE. THESE DETAILS ARE JUST FURTHER 91 00:06:16,409 --> 00:06:21,647 PROOF THAT THE RIGHT WING HAS GONE COMPLETELY BONKERSNUTSO. 92 00:06:21,714 --> 00:06:25,284 IT'S GOTTEN SO BAD, THAT YESTERDAY, CHRIS WALLACE 93 00:06:25,351 --> 00:06:29,655 ANNOUNCED HE'S LEAVING FOX NEWS. IT'S THE END OF AN ERA. 94 00:06:29,722 --> 00:06:33,626 BUT, LUCKILY, FOX HAS ALREADY FILLED THE TIME SLOT WITH 95 00:06:33,693 --> 00:06:35,995 THE FLAMING CHRISTMAS TREE. ( APPLAUSE ) 96 00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:39,499 GREAT RATINGS. INCROABL RATINGS. 97 00:06:39,565 --> 00:06:41,634 SUPER BOWL RATINGS. >> Jon: PEOPLE LIKE TO WATCH 98 00:06:41,701 --> 00:06:48,074 THAT, I GUESS. >> Stephen: WITH WALLACE'S 99 00:06:48,141 --> 00:06:49,342 EXIT, FOX NEWS WILL BE LOSING THEIR MOST 100 00:06:49,408 --> 00:06:50,843 DECORATED DOWN-THE-MIDDLE JOURNALIST. 101 00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:52,345 YEP, THERE GOES FOX NEWS' LAST SHRED OF CREDIBILITY. 102 00:06:52,411 --> 00:06:53,780 NOW, THEY HAVE TO CHANGE THEIR SLOGAN FROM, FAIR AND BALANCED 103 00:06:53,846 --> 00:06:57,717 TO, HORSE PASTE AND GUNS ARGLE BARGLE ARGLE BARGLE 104 00:06:57,784 --> 00:07:03,790 BARGLE ARGLE BARGLE ( APPLAUSE ) 105 00:07:03,856 --> 00:07:05,691 WALLACE'S FINAL SHOW WAS YESTERDAY AND HIS LAST GUEST WAS 106 00:07:05,758 --> 00:07:09,695 LINDSEY GRAHAM. WOW. 107 00:07:09,762 --> 00:07:13,366 WHAT A WAY TO GO. THAT'S LIKE BEING ABLE TO 108 00:07:13,432 --> 00:07:14,600 REQUEST ANYTHING AS YOUR LAST MEAL ON DEATH ROW AND ORDERING 109 00:07:14,667 --> 00:07:20,406 AN INTERVIEW WITH LINDSEY GRAHAM. 110 00:07:20,473 --> 00:07:21,774 WHAT'S NEXT FOR CHRIS? WALLACE WILL BE JOINING CNN 111 00:07:21,841 --> 00:07:24,944 PLUS. WELL, SURE. 112 00:07:25,011 --> 00:07:25,945 IT'S ALL PART OF THEIR LOSE-A-CHRIS, GET-A-CHRIS 113 00:07:26,012 --> 00:07:32,819 PROGRAM. ( APPLAUSE ) 114 00:07:32,885 --> 00:07:36,923 QUALITY JOE. THAT'S A QUALITY JOKE. 115 00:07:36,989 --> 00:07:39,392 IT'S TRUE. WE'VE LEARNED AN INTERESTING 116 00:07:39,458 --> 00:07:41,694 TIDBIT ABOUT RUSSIAN PRESIDENT, AND MAN WHO FORGOT TO TAKE THE 117 00:07:41,761 --> 00:07:50,336 COAT HANGER OUT OF HIS JACKET THIS MORNING, VLADIMIR PUTIN. 118 00:07:50,403 --> 00:07:54,073 I THINK YOU LOOK LOVELY, SIR. ( LAUGHTER ) 119 00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:56,576 PUTIN SAT DOWN FOR AN INTERVIEW WITH RUSSIAN STATE TELEVISION, 120 00:07:56,642 --> 00:07:58,411 OR AS HE CALLS IT, A SELFIE. AND HE MADE A SURPRISING 121 00:07:58,477 --> 00:08:01,113 ADMISSION-- HE SAID THAT AFTER THE COLLAPSE OF THE SOVIET 122 00:08:01,180 --> 00:08:04,483 UNION, HE WAS FORCED TO WORK AS A TAXI DRIVER TO EARN EXTRA 123 00:08:04,550 --> 00:08:10,456 CASH. UNFORTUNATELY, HE WAS NOT A VERY 124 00:08:10,523 --> 00:08:16,696 GOOD DRIVER, BASED ON THIS REVIEW: 125 00:08:16,762 --> 00:08:21,801 ONE STAR. ONE WAIT TIME. 126 00:08:21,868 --> 00:08:24,904 I WAS MURDERED. STILL ONE STAR IF YOU'RE 127 00:08:24,971 --> 00:08:25,805 MURDERED. AND I'M GUESSING PUTIN DRIVES A 128 00:08:25,872 --> 00:08:28,474 CAB THE SAME WAY HE RIDES A HORSE. 129 00:08:28,541 --> 00:08:33,779 ( LAUGHTER ) NOW, MOVING ON HERE. 130 00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:37,783 I'M VERY CAREFUL NOT TO GIVE SPOILERS ABOUT POPULAR TV SHOWS. 131 00:08:37,850 --> 00:08:41,053 ESPECIALLY THIS ONE. ALTHOUGH WORD MAY HAVE LEAKED 132 00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:45,791 OUT THAT WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. 133 00:08:45,858 --> 00:08:55,101 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF ) 134 00:08:55,167 --> 00:08:59,472 ALSO, I'VE BEEN A GHOST THE WHOLE TIME. 135 00:08:59,538 --> 00:09:01,841 BUT, UNFORTUNATELY, THE NEWS DEMANDS THAT I SHARE A MAJOR 136 00:09:01,908 --> 00:09:05,845 SPOILER FROM THE NEW SEX AND THE CITY SEQUEL: AND JUST LIKE THAT, 137 00:09:05,912 --> 00:09:09,849 BECAUSE IN THE FIRST EPISODE, CARRIE'S HUSBAND MR. BIG SUFFERS 138 00:09:09,916 --> 00:09:13,152 A FATAL HEART ATTACK WHILE USING A PELOTON BIKE. 139 00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:15,454 WOW. THERE HASN'T BEEN AN 140 00:09:15,521 --> 00:09:17,857 EXERCISE-RELATED TV DEATH THIS SHOCKING SINCE A BOWFLEX SHOT 141 00:09:17,924 --> 00:09:21,894 J.R.. MR. BIG'S DEATH WAS SO 142 00:09:21,961 --> 00:09:25,831 TRAUMATIC, THAT AFTER THE SHOW PREMIERED, PELOTON STOCK FELL 143 00:09:25,898 --> 00:09:30,903 11%. THIS IS WHY I RARELY SAY 144 00:09:30,970 --> 00:09:33,839 ANYTHING ABOUT REAL BRANDS ON THIS SHOW. 145 00:09:33,906 --> 00:09:37,843 CASE IN POINT, LAST WEEK, AFTER SENATOR RON JOHNSON SAID 146 00:09:37,910 --> 00:09:40,546 GARGLING WITH MOUTHWASH CURES COVID, I WANTED TO DO A JOKE ON 147 00:09:40,613 --> 00:09:46,552 THE SHOW ABOUT PEOPLE DIPPING THEIR BALLS INTO A NAME BRAND 148 00:09:46,619 --> 00:09:48,988 MOUTHWASH. I CAN'T SAY WHICH BRAND BUT IT'S 149 00:09:49,055 --> 00:09:52,458 WITHIN THE SCOPE OF ONES YOU'VE HEARD OF BEFORE. 150 00:09:52,525 --> 00:10:00,700 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 151 00:10:00,766 --> 00:10:02,101 CHRIS HEARD FROM THE NETWORK'S ARMY OF LAWYERS AND AD SALES 152 00:10:02,168 --> 00:10:05,838 PROFESSIONALS, AND THEY SAID, THE ONLY MOUTHWASH BRAND I WAS 153 00:10:05,905 --> 00:10:09,842 ALLOWED TO RECOMMEND DIPPING YOUR BALLS INTO WAS SOMETHING 154 00:10:09,909 --> 00:10:16,115 CALLED THERA-BREATH? HAS ANYONE EVER HEARD OF THAT? 155 00:10:16,182 --> 00:10:21,053 NEITHER HAD I. BUT NOW I KNOW IT IS THE NUMBER 156 00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:21,887 ONE DENTIST RECOMMENDED MOUTHWASH TO 157 00:10:21,954 --> 00:10:27,626 FRESHEN YOUR TESTICLES. ( LAUGHTER ) 158 00:10:27,693 --> 00:10:31,597 THERA-BREATH, GET TINGLY ON YOUR JINGLIES 159 00:10:31,664 --> 00:10:37,737 ( APPLAUSE ) YOU CAN'T BUY THAT KIND OF 160 00:10:37,803 --> 00:10:40,740 ADVERTISING! I'D BUY STOCK IN THERA -BREATH 161 00:10:40,806 --> 00:10:46,579 RIGHT NOW! IT'S THE ONLY MOUTHWASH I USE! 162 00:10:46,645 --> 00:10:48,547 ANYWAY, PELOTON KNEW THAT THEIR PRODUCT WAS PART OF THE PLOT. 163 00:10:48,614 --> 00:10:49,915 THEY EVEN LET THE SHOW CAST JESS KING, ONE OF THEIR ACTUAL 164 00:10:49,982 --> 00:10:52,385 TRAINERS, AS MR. BIG'S INSTRUCTOR. 165 00:10:52,451 --> 00:10:53,853 FOR THE RECORD, PELOTON INSTRUCTORS AREN'T SUPPOSED KILL 166 00:10:53,919 --> 00:10:56,889 YOU. ( LAUGHTER ) 167 00:10:56,956 --> 00:10:58,457 THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO KEEP YELLING AFFIRMATIONS WHILE YOU PUKE INTO 168 00:10:58,524 --> 00:11:01,460 A DECORATIVE BOWL IN YOUR GUEST ROOM. 169 00:11:01,527 --> 00:11:04,630 ( LAUGHTER ) PELOTON DIDN'T LOVE BEING 170 00:11:04,697 --> 00:11:09,201 BLINDSIDED BY THIS PLOT POINT, SAYING HBO DID NOT DISCLOSE THE 171 00:11:09,268 --> 00:11:13,172 LARGER CONTEXT SURROUNDING THE SCENE TO PELOTON IN ADVANCE. 172 00:11:13,239 --> 00:11:16,542 OKAY, BUT PELOTON MUST'VE SEEN THIS COMING. 173 00:11:16,609 --> 00:11:17,910 EVERYONE WHO'S EVER USED ONE KNOWS THAT, AT SOME POINT DURING 174 00:11:17,977 --> 00:11:25,785 EACH RIDE, YOU THINK, I'M DYING. THIS IS HOW I DIE. 175 00:11:25,851 --> 00:11:27,787 SO... OVER THE WEEKEND, PELOTON TURNED 176 00:11:27,853 --> 00:11:29,922 UP THE RESISTANCE ON THEIR DAMAGE CONTROL, BLAMING BIG'S 177 00:11:29,989 --> 00:11:33,893 DEATH ON HIS EXTRAVAGANT LIFESTYLE, CITING COCKTAILS, 178 00:11:33,959 --> 00:11:45,404 CIGARS, AND BIG STEAKS. ( APPLAUSE ) 179 00:11:45,471 --> 00:11:46,672 OMITTING THE NUMBER ONE CAUSE OF DEATH: HE'S A MADE UP PERSON AND 180 00:11:46,739 --> 00:11:52,478 THE WRITERS CAN MAKE ANYTHING HAPPEN. 181 00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:53,913 THEY COULD HAVE WRITTEN, BIG UNZIPS HIS SKIN AND WE SEE HE'S 182 00:11:53,979 --> 00:11:57,216 A TURTLE. AND NOW THE NEXT FOUR EPISODES 183 00:11:57,283 --> 00:11:58,417 TAKE PLACE IN A TERRARIUM. CARRIE BLOWS THEIR SAVINGS ON A 184 00:11:58,484 --> 00:12:04,523 NEW HEATED ROCK. ( LAUGHTER ) 185 00:12:04,590 --> 00:12:09,128 THEN YESTERDAY, PELOTON DROPPED A COMMERCIAL STARRING CHRIS NOTH 186 00:12:09,195 --> 00:12:11,897 WHO PLAYS BIG, AND THE PELETON INSTRUCTOR THAT ENDED LIKE THIS: 187 00:12:11,964 --> 00:12:13,432 ( MUSIC INTRO ) >> CYCLING STRENGTHENS YOUR 188 00:12:13,499 --> 00:12:14,633 HEART WHILE ALSO LOWERS RESTING PULSE AND REDUCES BLOOD FAT 189 00:12:14,700 --> 00:12:17,970 LEVELS. HE'S ALIVE. 190 00:12:18,037 --> 00:12:27,980 >> STEPHEN: HE'S ALIVE! ( APPLAUSE ) 191 00:12:28,047 --> 00:12:33,385 HE'S ALIVE! EVIDENTLY, PELOTON COMMERCIALS 192 00:12:33,452 --> 00:12:34,286 HAVE THE POWER TO BRING CHARACTERS BACK 193 00:12:34,353 --> 00:12:37,957 TO LIFE HERE'S THEIR NEXT ONE: >> JACK. 194 00:12:38,023 --> 00:12:46,732 JACK, THERE'S A BOAT, JACK. >> CYCLING IMPROVES RESTING 195 00:12:46,799 --> 00:12:57,042 HEART RATE. >> Stephen: THAT'S 196 00:12:57,109 --> 00:13:00,379 HEARTWARMING. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 197 00:13:00,446 --> 00:13:02,982 >> Jon: YEAH. >> Stephen: LET ME GIVE YOU A 198 00:13:03,048 --> 00:13:06,785 CHOICE, WOULD YOU RATHER HAVE COMMERCIALS OR MORE SHOW? 199 00:13:06,852 --> 00:13:08,254 >> AUDIENCE. MORE SHOW! 200 00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:13,993 >> Announcer: THAT MIGHT MEAN SOME PRODUCT PLACEMENT. 201 00:13:14,059 --> 00:13:16,629 >> AUDIENCE: PRODUCT PLACEMENT! >> Announcer: THE FIRST RULE 202 00:13:16,695 --> 00:13:20,099 OF SHOW BUSINESS IS GIVE THE PEOPLE WHAT YOU TOLD THEM TO ASK 203 00:13:20,166 --> 00:13:22,768 FOR! WHILE I CROSS OVER HERE, SAY 204 00:13:22,835 --> 00:13:27,206 HELLO TO JON BATISTE AND "STAY HUMAN," EVERYBODY! 205 00:13:27,273 --> 00:13:30,543 >> Jon: WHOO! MORE SHOW, MORE SHOW, MORE 206 00:13:30,609 --> 00:13:41,820 PRODUCT PLACEMENT! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 207 00:13:41,887 --> 00:13:46,058 >> Stephen: JON, WE HAVE ONE OF THE MOST WONDERFUL PERFORMERS 208 00:13:46,125 --> 00:13:50,029 ON THE SHOW, KEANU REEVES. SO LUCKY, WHAT A PLEASURE. 209 00:13:50,095 --> 00:13:57,002 WHAT A PLEASURE. FOLKS, TONIGHT'S MORE SHOW 210 00:13:57,069 --> 00:13:58,237 IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY DOOR DASH'S DASH PASS, WHICH I THOUGHT WAS 211 00:13:58,304 --> 00:14:00,306 JUST FOOD. BUT TURNS OUT, YEAH, I COULD 212 00:14:00,372 --> 00:14:04,843 HAVE 2 DOZEN GINORMOUS LEVAIN COOKIES HERE IN 15 MINUTES. 213 00:14:04,910 --> 00:14:07,880 BUT YOU GOT CVS ON HERE, I COULD ORDER A BUNCH OF DIAPERS RIGHT 214 00:14:07,947 --> 00:14:10,115 NOW. I CAN ORDER 3 BOTTLES OF BOURBON 215 00:14:10,182 --> 00:14:13,385 FROM THE WINE SHOP IF I WANT. AND I CAN EVEN GET A DOZEN 216 00:14:13,452 --> 00:14:16,855 LONG-STEM ROSES FROM THE FLORIST IN MIDTOWN. 217 00:14:16,922 --> 00:14:21,794 YOU GOT BED, BATH, AND BEYOND, WHERE I CAN ORDER LIKE, A 218 00:14:21,860 --> 00:14:24,830 PUMPKIN SHAPED SOUP TUREEN AT 11:46 AT NIGHT. 219 00:14:24,897 --> 00:14:33,138 SHOULD I DO IT? (CHEERS) 220 00:14:33,205 --> 00:14:38,110 YEAH, ONE THING I'VE LEARNED, YOU CAN NEVER HAVE TOO MANY 221 00:14:38,177 --> 00:14:40,846 TUREENS. ( LAUGHTER ) 222 00:14:40,913 --> 00:14:42,147 ANYWAY, FOLKS, AT THE END OF A ROUGH YEAR, WE COULD ALL USE A 223 00:14:42,214 --> 00:14:44,817 LITTLE REST AND RELAXATION. AND I'LL TELL YOU ABOUT THE 224 00:14:44,883 --> 00:14:50,122 LATEST TRENDS IN PAMPERING IN MY NEW SEGMENT: STEPHEN COLBERT'S: 225 00:14:50,189 --> 00:14:54,693 I COULDN'T SELF-CARE LESS. ( LAUGHTER ) 226 00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:58,097 FIRST UP: HYDRATION, BUT NOT THE WIMPY WATER-BOTTLE KIND. 227 00:14:58,163 --> 00:15:01,734 I'M TALKING HYDRATION TO THE EXTREEEME BECAUSE I.V. DRIPS-- 228 00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:04,803 THE KIND YOU MIGHT GET IF YOU'RE RUSHED TO THE HOSPITAL, ARE 229 00:15:04,870 --> 00:15:07,573 TRENDING AS A SPA TREATMENT. YOUR MOVE, HOSPITALS. 230 00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:10,276 IF YOU WANT TO STAY COMPETITIVE WITH SPAS, START TRAINING YOUR 231 00:15:10,342 --> 00:15:15,814 HEART SURGEONS TO TOSS IN A COMPLIMENTARY SEAWEED WRAP. 232 00:15:15,881 --> 00:15:17,750 ( LAUGHTER ) APPARENTLY, THESE I.V.'S ARE AS 233 00:15:17,816 --> 00:15:21,086 QUICK AS ROLLING UP YOUR SLEEVE, GETTING YOUR ARM SWABBED, AND 234 00:15:21,153 --> 00:15:22,921 SITTING STILL FOR 45 MINUTES TO AN HOUR. 235 00:15:22,988 --> 00:15:26,158 I MEAN WHAT'S THE OPTION? DRINK A GLASS OF WATER? 236 00:15:26,225 --> 00:15:32,498 ( CHUCKLE ) NO, THANKS, I'M A BUSY MAN. 237 00:15:32,564 --> 00:15:34,166 ( LAUGHTER ) NOW, THIS MAY BE HARD TO 238 00:15:34,233 --> 00:15:37,469 BELIEVE, BUT THESE I.V. DRIPS AREN'T APPROVED BY THE FDA AND 239 00:15:37,536 --> 00:15:39,605 CAN BE ADMINISTERED BY UNQUALIFIED PEOPLE IN SETTINGS 240 00:15:39,672 --> 00:15:45,377 LIKE SHOPPING MALLS. AN EXCITING PROMOTION FOR THE 241 00:15:45,444 --> 00:15:50,182 FIFTEEN YEAR OLD MANAGER AT THE PIERCING KIOSK. 242 00:15:50,249 --> 00:15:52,551 ( LAUGHTER ) OUR NEXT SPA TREND, A THERAPIST 243 00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:57,823 IN LONDON HAS CREATED THE SONIC MASSAGE, COMBINING A 244 00:15:57,890 --> 00:16:01,727 LUXURIOUS, HANDS-ON MASSAGE WITH AN AURAL ODYSSEY, WITH SOUNDS 245 00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:04,930 INCLUDING GONG BANGING, TUNING FORKS HELD CLOSE TO THE BODY, 246 00:16:04,997 --> 00:16:06,365 AND THE OCCASIONAL MEXICAN DEATH WHISTLE THROWN IN FOR GOOD 247 00:16:06,432 --> 00:16:10,135 MEASURE. I'VE HEARD OF GONGS AND TUNING 248 00:16:10,202 --> 00:16:14,239 FORKS, BUT I'VE NEVER BEEN SOOTHED BY A MEXICAN DEATH 249 00:16:14,306 --> 00:16:16,975 WHISTLE. HERE'S HOW IT SOUNDS IN THE 250 00:16:17,042 --> 00:16:22,281 HANDS OF A MASTER. >> SO THIS IS THE DEATH WHISTLE. 251 00:16:22,348 --> 00:16:37,229 ( UNEARTHLY WHISTLE/HOWLING ) 252 00:16:37,296 --> 00:16:42,234 ( UNEARTHLY WHISTLE/HOWLING ) 253 00:16:42,301 --> 00:16:48,574 >> Stephen: >> STEPHEN: AHHH, IF I WERE ANY 254 00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:52,277 MORE RELAXED RIGHT NOW I'D BE RUINING TWO PAIRS OF PANTS. 255 00:16:52,344 --> 00:16:55,013 ( LAUGHTER ) >> DOOR DASH. 256 00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:58,183 >> STEPHEN: --I'M SORRY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 257 00:16:58,250 --> 00:17:02,321 >> WE'VE GOT ALL YOUR STUFF. AND SINCE YOU SUBSCRIBED TO DASH 258 00:17:02,388 --> 00:17:04,323 PASS: ZERO DELIVERY FEES. >> STEPHEN: THIS IS JUST A TV 259 00:17:04,390 --> 00:17:05,157 SHOW. I DIDN'T ACTUALLY ORDER 260 00:17:05,224 --> 00:17:09,395 ANYTHING. WHAT'S GOING ON? 261 00:17:09,461 --> 00:17:12,998 >> WELL, BASED ON THESE ITEMS, IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE HAVING A 262 00:17:13,065 --> 00:17:16,301 BABY, SENT YOUR WIFE FLOWERS, YOU'RE PANIC-BUYING DIAPERS, AND 263 00:17:16,368 --> 00:17:17,469 POUNDING GIANT COOKIES WHILE STRESS-DRINKING OUT OF A SOUP 264 00:17:17,536 --> 00:17:26,311 TUREEN. >> Stephen: GOT ME. 265 00:17:26,378 --> 00:17:28,046 DoorDash, EVERYBODY. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 266 00:17:32,851 --> 00:17:37,089 IT SAYS HERE THAT I LOVE TV, AND IT ALSO SAYS THAT I'M ALWAYS 267 00:17:37,156 --> 00:17:40,759 SURPRISED TO SEE HOW MANY SHOWS ARE ACTUALLY SPIN-OFFS AND 268 00:17:40,826 --> 00:17:43,529 REBOOTS. JUST LOOK RIGHT HERE ON THIS 269 00:17:43,595 --> 00:17:46,698 NETWORK. ONE SHOW, C.S.I., ALONE, HAS 270 00:17:46,765 --> 00:17:48,767 SPUN-OFF CSI--COLON--MIAMI 271 00:17:48,834 --> 00:17:52,771 CSI--COLON--NEW YORK CSI--COLON--CYBER 272 00:17:52,838 --> 00:17:59,812 CSI--COLON--VEGAS. IT'S WHAT EARNED US THE NICKNAME 273 00:17:59,878 --> 00:18:04,850 CBS, THE COLON NETWORK. THAT LOGO? 274 00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:12,858 NOT AN EYE. ( LAUGHTER ) 275 00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:19,598 ( APPLAUSE ) IN FACT, WE HAVE SO MANY 276 00:18:19,665 --> 00:18:23,435 SPINOFFS THAT A COUPLE YEARS AGO, THIS GUY OVER HERE, JOE 277 00:18:23,502 --> 00:18:28,841 SAYLOR, THE COWBOY-HAT WEARING, JAZZ LOVING DRUMMER IN OUR BAND 278 00:18:28,907 --> 00:18:35,614 ACTUALLY GOT HIS OWN LATE SHOW SPINOFF CALLED, "JAZZ COWBOY." 279 00:18:35,681 --> 00:18:40,552 IT'S AN ACTION PACKED DRAMA WHERE HE USES VARIOUS PERCUSSION 280 00:18:40,619 --> 00:18:42,654 INSTRUMENTS TO FIGHT STREET CRIME. 281 00:18:42,721 --> 00:18:45,157 JOE, HOW'S THE SHOW GOING? >> ETH GREAT. 282 00:18:45,224 --> 00:18:49,495 IT JUST GOT ITS OWN SPINOFF. >> Stephen: JAZZ COWBOY, A 283 00:18:49,561 --> 00:18:52,798 SPINOFF OF "THE LATE SHOW" HAS ITS OWN SPINOFF? 284 00:18:52,865 --> 00:18:54,600 >> YES. >> Stephen: WHAT'S IT ABOUT? 285 00:18:54,666 --> 00:18:56,435 WELL, A LITTLE HARD TO EXPLAIN. 286 00:18:56,502 --> 00:18:58,470 WHY DON'T I SHOW YOU THE PREVIEW? 287 00:18:58,537 --> 00:19:00,339 >> Stephen: WE DON'T ACTUALLY HAVE TIME. 288 00:19:00,405 --> 00:19:04,042 >> ROLL IT, JIM. HURRY UP! 289 00:19:04,109 --> 00:19:09,915 I'M HACKING AS FAST AS I CAN. WHAT WAS THAT? 290 00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:11,750 >> PROBABLY JUST THE COOLING SYSTEM. 291 00:19:11,817 --> 00:19:13,785 NOW KEEP BREAKING INTO THE MAINFRAME SO WE CAN DO CYBER 292 00:19:13,852 --> 00:19:19,958 CRIMES. >> SOMETHING'S HAPPENING. 293 00:19:20,025 --> 00:19:34,907 IS THAT A TAMBOURINE .gif? >> HOWDY HACKERS. 294 00:19:34,973 --> 00:19:35,474 IS THAT A TAMBOURINE .gif? >> HOWDY HACKERS. 295 00:19:35,541 --> 00:19:38,377 JAZZ COWBOY! ♪♪ 296 00:19:38,443 --> 00:19:39,745 ♪♪ ♪♪ 297 00:19:39,811 --> 00:19:54,593 ♪♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 298 00:19:54,660 --> 00:20:09,541 >> ENTER JAZZ PASS CODE. ( DRUM BEATS ) 299 00:20:09,608 --> 00:20:10,309 >> ENTER JAZZ PASS CODE. ( DRUM BEATS ) 300 00:20:10,375 --> 00:20:21,653 >> JAZZ PASS CODE ACCEPTED. NO! 301 00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:26,358 THEY HACKED MY TAMBOURINE! >> ... 302 00:20:26,425 --> 00:20:30,963 HELLO, WE HAVE A MESSAGE FOR THE SO-CALLED JAZZ COWBOY. 303 00:20:31,029 --> 00:20:37,636 WE HAVE HIJACKED THE NET AND ARE CURRENTLY DELETING ALL FORMS OF 304 00:20:37,703 --> 00:20:41,239 JAZZ. >> NO! 305 00:20:41,306 --> 00:20:43,108 ♪♪ ♪♪ 306 00:20:43,175 --> 00:20:51,583 ♪♪ >> HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, JAZZ 307 00:20:51,650 --> 00:20:54,553 COWBOY? THAT'S WHAT I CALL -- CHANGING 308 00:20:54,620 --> 00:21:03,795 YOUR TUNE. ( MANIACAL LAUGHING ) 309 00:21:03,862 --> 00:21:05,931 >> I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE SERVERS. 310 00:21:05,998 --> 00:21:16,341 THEY'RE ALL GOING DOWN. ♪♪ 311 00:21:16,408 --> 00:21:20,579 ♪♪ >> HE'S IN THE BUILDING. 312 00:21:20,646 --> 00:21:29,921 CUT THE HARD LINE. ACTIVATING THE DARK WEB! 313 00:21:29,988 --> 00:21:38,330 AAAHHH! >> JAZZ COWBOY! 314 00:21:38,397 --> 00:21:44,269 WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE JAZZ -- IS DEAD. 315 00:21:44,336 --> 00:21:47,706 LASER CANON! (. 316 00:21:47,773 --> 00:21:49,408 >> RELAX. DON'T LOSE YOUR HEAD. 317 00:21:49,474 --> 00:21:55,814 >> NICE ONE, JAZZ COWBOY. 318 00:21:55,881 --> 00:21:58,884 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> STEPHEN: LOOKING FORWARD TO 319 00:21:58,950 --> 00:22:03,722 THE SHOW, JOE, CONGRATULATIONS. AND THANKS TO PAUL GIAMATTI. 320 00:22:03,789 --> 00:22:06,058 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH KEANU REEVES. 321 00:22:06,124 --> 00:22:07,325 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING ) 322 00:22:39,725 --> 00:22:50,202 >> Stephen: HEY! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 323 00:22:50,268 --> 00:22:53,572 >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY. 324 00:22:53,638 --> 00:22:55,540 YOU KNOW MY GUEST TONIGHT FROM MOVIES SUCH AS, "SPEED," "POINT 325 00:22:55,607 --> 00:22:58,577 BREAK," AND "JOHN WICK." HIS LATEST IS, "THE MATRIX 326 00:22:58,643 --> 00:23:09,187 RESURRECTIONS." 327 00:23:09,254 --> 00:23:11,556 >> NO. NO, NO, NO! 328 00:23:11,623 --> 00:23:13,325 NO! >> WHOA, WHOA, WHAT DO YOU MEAN, 329 00:23:13,391 --> 00:23:14,526 NO? YOU WANTED THIS. 330 00:23:14,593 --> 00:23:17,062 YOU DID THIS. THIS WAS YOUR IDEA. 331 00:23:17,129 --> 00:23:22,968 >> IT WAS A TEST! AN EXPERIMENT! 332 00:23:23,034 --> 00:23:27,806 >> AN EXPERIMENT? YOU PUT ME IN A TINY ASSHOLE, 333 00:23:27,873 --> 00:23:32,277 LEFT ME TO BANG MY HEAD TILL I LOST MY MIND SEARCHING FOR YOU 334 00:23:32,344 --> 00:23:35,113 AS AN EXPERIMENT. >> BREAKING DOWN. 335 00:23:35,180 --> 00:23:38,216 HE HASN'T TAKEN THE PILL. NO TIME. 336 00:23:38,283 --> 00:23:43,388 HE'S HAVING A MOMENT. DOES HE KNOW HOW HARD IT IS 337 00:23:43,455 --> 00:23:47,359 TO HACK THAT MIRROR? >> STILL OPEN. 338 00:23:47,425 --> 00:23:48,960 THIS -- THIS CAN'T BE REAL! !>> STEPHEN: PLEASE WELCOME BACK 339 00:23:49,027 --> 00:23:51,630 TO "THE LATE SHOW," KEANU REEVES. 340 00:23:51,696 --> 00:24:02,574 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING ) 341 00:24:02,641 --> 00:24:16,888 >> GOOD EVENING! 342 00:24:16,955 --> 00:24:18,957 HELLO, NEW YORK! >> Stephen: HEY, GOOD TO SEE 343 00:24:19,024 --> 00:24:26,298 YOU AGAIN. >> NICE TO SEE YOU, SIR. 344 00:24:26,364 --> 00:24:27,799 >> Stephen: YOU LOOK VERY DAPPER TONIGHT. 345 00:24:27,866 --> 00:24:28,900 >> OH, THAT'S KIND. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 346 00:24:28,967 --> 00:24:31,837 >> Stephen: NOT AT ALL. THANK YOU FOR DRESSING UP. 347 00:24:31,903 --> 00:24:33,905 NOT EVERYBODY DOES. >> I LIKE DRESSING UP. 348 00:24:33,972 --> 00:24:36,241 >> Stephen: SOME PEOPLE WEREN'T RAISED RIGHT. 349 00:24:36,308 --> 00:24:38,844 YOU OBVIOUSLY WERE. I WATCHED THE MOVIE LAST NIGHT. 350 00:24:38,910 --> 00:24:44,149 SUPER FUN TO SEE YOU AGAIN AS MR. ANDERSON AND NEIL. 351 00:24:44,216 --> 00:24:48,854 ALSO SUPER FUN FOR US, THE AUDIENCE, TO KNOW MORE THAN 352 00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:50,789 MR. ANDERSON DOES AT THE BEGINNING OF THE FILM. 353 00:24:50,856 --> 00:24:53,425 >> I THINK THAT'S WHAT MAKES IT DELIGHTFUL. 354 00:24:53,491 --> 00:24:57,662 >> Stephen: YOUR RETIES COVER OF THE MATRIX AND OF TRINITY, 355 00:24:57,729 --> 00:25:00,465 TOO. IM NOT GOING TO GIVE ANY MORE 356 00:25:00,532 --> 00:25:02,634 AWAY. THE SCENES OF YOU GUYS TOGETHER 357 00:25:02,701 --> 00:25:04,169 ARE FANTASTIC. >> THANKS. 358 00:25:04,236 --> 00:25:06,938 >> Stephen: THEY REALLY ARE, LIKE, WE'RE PULLING FOR YOU GUYS 359 00:25:07,005 --> 00:25:13,712 AS A COUPLE. >> ME, TOO! 360 00:25:13,778 --> 00:25:28,660 >> Stephen: 2003, THE MATRIX REVOLUTIONS CAME OUT, WACOSKI 361 00:25:28,727 --> 00:25:31,496 >> Stephen: 2003, THE MATRIX REVOLUTIONS CAME OUT, WACOSKI 362 00:25:31,563 --> 00:25:33,999 SAID WE'RE DONE. WERE YOU SHOCKED WHEN THEY 363 00:25:34,065 --> 00:25:37,135 CALLED AND SAID WE'RE DOING ANOTHER ONE? 364 00:25:37,202 --> 00:25:39,070 >> YEAH, IT WAS SHOCKING. IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL PHONE CALL 365 00:25:39,137 --> 00:25:43,141 OUT OF THE BLUE. SO, YEAH, SHE CALLED AND SAID I 366 00:25:43,208 --> 00:25:45,010 THINK I'M DOING ANOTHER MATRIX FILM. 367 00:25:45,076 --> 00:25:48,847 AND I STOOD UP AND I WAS, LIKE, WHAT? 368 00:25:48,914 --> 00:25:50,148 WHAT? WHAT? 369 00:25:50,215 --> 00:25:54,386 AND THEN SHE WAS, LIKE, YES. AND THEN I WAS, LIKE, BUT WE'RE 370 00:25:54,452 --> 00:25:56,454 DEAD. >> Stephen: SPOILER FOR THOSE 371 00:25:56,521 --> 00:26:01,626 OF YOU WHO HAD NOT A CHANCE TO SEE MATRIX REVOLUTIONS IN THE 372 00:26:01,693 --> 00:26:04,896 LAST TEN YEARS, AT THE END Y'ALL BLOW IT UP REALLY GOOD. 373 00:26:04,963 --> 00:26:12,137 >> YES, WE DID. BUT IT'S THE MATRIX, AND, SO, -- 374 00:26:12,203 --> 00:26:16,508 AND IT'S CALLED RESURRECTIONS. >> Stephen: NOT TO GIVE TOO 375 00:26:16,574 --> 00:26:18,677 MUCH AWAY! ( LAUGHTER ) 376 00:26:18,743 --> 00:26:21,479 >> BUT, BELIEVE ME, IT WILL ALL MAKE -- SENSE. 377 00:26:21,546 --> 00:26:23,081 >> Stephen: SENSE IS A STRONG WORD. 378 00:26:23,148 --> 00:26:25,483 >> IT IS. >> Stephen: BUT IT'S VERY 379 00:26:25,550 --> 00:26:28,019 ENTERTAINING, I'LL SAY THIS. >> I'M GLAD YOU LIKED IT, THANK 380 00:26:28,086 --> 00:26:30,722 YOU. >> Stephen: SO FIRST DAY BACK 381 00:26:30,789 --> 00:26:33,458 AS MR. ANDERSON. BY THE WAY, IS HE THOMAS 382 00:26:33,525 --> 00:26:39,531 ANDERSON TO YOU OR NEO? >> HE'S THOMAS ANDERSON NEIL. 383 00:26:39,597 --> 00:26:42,267 >> Stephen: OKAY. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO ANSWER MY 384 00:26:42,334 --> 00:26:44,869 QUESTIONS, JUST SAY SO. >> I JUST ANSWERED YOUR 385 00:26:44,936 --> 00:26:48,440 QUESTION! I'M THOMAS ANDERSON AND NEIL. 386 00:26:48,506 --> 00:26:52,077 >> Stephen: ALL RIGHT, WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THOSE TWO 387 00:26:52,143 --> 00:26:55,246 GUYS IN YOUR MIND? >> OH, MY GOSH, I WAS JUST ABOUT 388 00:26:55,313 --> 00:26:59,684 TO SAY ONE IS THOMAS ANDERSON AND ONE IS NEIL. 389 00:26:59,751 --> 00:27:01,052 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: LET'S LET THAT 390 00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:05,190 SINK IN. THAT'S TOO DEEP AN ANSWER FOR 391 00:27:05,256 --> 00:27:07,792 ME. >> I WAS ABOUT TO SAY THOMAS 392 00:27:07,859 --> 00:27:12,063 ANDERSON, HIS REAL LIFE, BUT HE'S ACTUALLY IN THE MATRIX. 393 00:27:12,130 --> 00:27:16,468 AND THEN NEIL EXISTS IN THE DIGITAL COMPUTER GEN RATED 394 00:27:16,534 --> 00:27:22,040 REALITY, BUT THEN IS ALSO LIVING IN THE REAL WORLD. 395 00:27:22,107 --> 00:27:24,175 SO IT'S THOMAS ANDERSON AND NEIL. 396 00:27:24,242 --> 00:27:26,644 >> Stephen: I ACCEPT YOUR ANSWER. 397 00:27:26,711 --> 00:27:29,547 I APOLOGIZE FOR PRESSING TOO HARD. 398 00:27:29,614 --> 00:27:34,919 >> BUT HE WAS BORN AS THOMAS ANDERSON. 399 00:27:34,986 --> 00:27:39,357 >> Stephen: WAS HE? WASN'T HE JUST HARVESTED, GROWN 400 00:27:39,424 --> 00:27:46,631 IN A LAB, PUT INTO A POD AND HARVESTED AND NOT BORN? 401 00:27:46,698 --> 00:27:49,234 >> ISN'T IT? HE HAS CONSCIOUSNESS. 402 00:27:49,300 --> 00:27:51,736 >> Stephen: HE DOES. BUT HE WASN'T BORN UNTIL HE WAS 403 00:27:51,803 --> 00:27:55,173 FREED FROM THE ILL LAWS OF THOMAS ANDERSON AND BORN INTO 404 00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:58,843 THE REALITY OF BEING NEIL. >> YEAH, YEAH, YEAH! 405 00:27:58,910 --> 00:28:00,078 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A 406 00:28:00,145 --> 00:28:03,381 QUICK BREAK BUT DON'T GO ANYWHERE. 407 00:28:03,448 --> 00:28:05,517 BACK WITH NOR KEANU REEVES, EVERYBODY. 408 00:28:14,459 --> 00:28:18,630 >> Stephen: WE'RE PACK WITH THE STAR OF MATRIX RESURRECTIONS 409 00:28:18,696 --> 00:28:25,737 KEANU REEVES. WHAT'S THE CRAZIEST THING YOU 410 00:28:25,804 --> 00:28:31,276 GOT TO-SLASH-HAD TO DO. >> JUMP OFF A BUILDING. 411 00:28:31,342 --> 00:28:34,512 >> Stephen: HOW BIG. I'M GUESSING 46 STORIES. 412 00:28:34,579 --> 00:28:37,682 >> Stephen: REALLY JUMP OFF THE BUILDING? 413 00:28:37,749 --> 00:28:39,684 >> YEAH. >> Stephen: IF SO MUCH OF THE 414 00:28:39,751 --> 00:28:50,095 MOVIE IS DIGITAL WHY DID THEY MAKE YOU JUMP OFF A BUILDING? 415 00:28:50,161 --> 00:28:54,599 >> BECAUSE IT'S THE MATRIX AND YOU USE NATURAL LIGHT AND YOU 416 00:28:54,666 --> 00:28:59,204 WANT TO DO IT REAL. THERE ARE WIRES. 417 00:28:59,270 --> 00:29:06,177 CARRIE ANN AND I GRABBED HANDS AND JUMPED OFF A BUILDING. 418 00:29:06,244 --> 00:29:10,682 >> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT HEIGHTS? 419 00:29:10,748 --> 00:29:14,185 >> WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GET HOLD AND YOU GET ATTRACTED TO 420 00:29:14,252 --> 00:29:20,258 HEIGHTS AND WANT TO JUMP? >> THAT IS A REASON TO SEEK 421 00:29:20,325 --> 00:29:21,126 HELP. ( LAUGHTER ) 422 00:29:21,192 --> 00:29:24,562 HOW MANY TIMES DID YOU HAVE TO DO IT. 423 00:29:24,629 --> 00:29:30,168 >> WE WANTED TO DO IT IN THE PERFECT LIGHT IN THE MORNING SO 424 00:29:30,235 --> 00:29:36,541 AROUND 19 TO 20 TIMES. >> Stephen: HOW DID CARRIE ANN 425 00:29:36,608 --> 00:29:39,677 THINK ABOUT IT? >> SHE SPEAKS PREPARING MENTALLY 426 00:29:39,744 --> 00:29:42,881 FOR IT, AND I WAS DOING THAT, TOO. 427 00:29:42,947 --> 00:29:47,852 BY THE TIME YOU GET THERE, I MEAN, MY HEART RATE WAS A LITTLE 428 00:29:47,919 --> 00:29:52,457 RAISED, BUT AFTER THE FIRST TIME, YOU CAN'T THINK OF THE 429 00:29:52,524 --> 00:29:55,727 FEAR, YOU HAVE TO GET -- YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT, ABSORB IT, 430 00:29:55,793 --> 00:30:02,167 AND THEN JUST BE THERE AND DO. AND THAT'S WHAT WE DID. 431 00:30:02,233 --> 00:30:04,002 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 432 00:30:04,068 --> 00:30:06,371 >> Stephen: BE THERE AND DO. YEAH. 433 00:30:06,437 --> 00:30:08,973 >> Stephen: AND THAT THE WHAT YOU DID. 434 00:30:09,040 --> 00:30:11,609 >> WE DID. AND IT WAS AWESOME! 435 00:30:11,676 --> 00:30:14,979 CAN YOU IMAGINE JUST LEAPING OFF OF A BUILDING? 436 00:30:15,046 --> 00:30:17,982 WITH WIRES? >> Stephen: EVER BUNGEE 437 00:30:18,049 --> 00:30:23,188 JUMPED? >> I HAVEN'T. 438 00:30:23,254 --> 00:30:26,658 BECAUSE I'M SCARED OF THAT. >> Stephen: SURE. 439 00:30:26,724 --> 00:30:30,261 ( LAUGHTER ) BUT 18 YEARS FROM THE LAST MOVIE 440 00:30:30,328 --> 00:30:35,967 TO THIS MOVIE, NO OFFENSE, I DON'T MEAN TO OFFEND YOU, BUT 441 00:30:36,034 --> 00:30:42,674 WE'RE THE SAME AGE. HOW DOES YOUR BODY HANDLE THE 442 00:30:42,740 --> 00:30:46,177 KUNG FU 18 YEARS LATER? >> I LOVE IT AND I THINK BECAUSE 443 00:30:46,244 --> 00:30:48,513 I LOVE IT SO MUCH, IT DOESN'T MATTER. 444 00:30:48,580 --> 00:30:52,183 THE QUESTION, RECOVERY, YOU HAVE TO RECOVER DIFFERENTLY. 445 00:30:52,250 --> 00:30:55,486 >> Stephen: A LITTLE LONGER RECOVER TIME? 446 00:30:55,553 --> 00:30:58,389 >> YEAH, YOU HAVE TO PAY A LITTLE MORE ATTENTION TO THAT. 447 00:30:58,456 --> 00:31:01,492 OKAY, A LOT OF ATTENTION TO THAT. 448 00:31:01,559 --> 00:31:03,895 ( LAUGHTER ) AND I CAN'T DO WHAT I USED TO 449 00:31:03,962 --> 00:31:09,500 BUT I CAN STILL DO WHAT I DO, AND, YOU KNOW, WITH EXPERIENCE 450 00:31:09,567 --> 00:31:13,538 COMES EFFICIENCY, AND, SO, YOU'RE MORE EFFICIENT, BUT YOU 451 00:31:13,605 --> 00:31:16,608 STILL, YOU KNOW -- BUT YOU WANT TO DANCE AND YOU WANT TO PLAY 452 00:31:16,674 --> 00:31:20,511 AND YOU WANT TO SING, AND YOU WANT TO, LIKE -- 453 00:31:20,578 --> 00:31:21,312 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YOU KNOW? 454 00:31:21,379 --> 00:31:23,348 >> Stephen: I KNOW. I 100% KNOW. 455 00:31:23,414 --> 00:31:26,017 >> YOU KNOW? >> Stephen: I DO. 456 00:31:26,084 --> 00:31:29,554 YEAH. SO WHATEVER, MAN. 457 00:31:29,621 --> 00:31:30,989 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: I DIDN'T MEAN TO 458 00:31:31,055 --> 00:31:33,458 BUM YOU OUT. I'M JUST CURIOUS. 459 00:31:33,524 --> 00:31:35,126 I APOLOGIZE. >> I KNOW. 460 00:31:35,193 --> 00:31:36,427 OKAY. >> Stephen: NOW, ONE TO HAVE 461 00:31:36,494 --> 00:31:39,864 THE CHARACTERS, AND I WON'T SAY WHO, ONE OF THE CHARACTERS IN 462 00:31:39,931 --> 00:31:46,004 THE MOVIE, FAIRLY EARLY ON SAYS NOTHING COMFORTS ANXIETY LIKE A 463 00:31:46,070 --> 00:31:49,974 LITTLE NOSTALGIA, WHICH IS AN INTERESTING SELF-REASONS TO 464 00:31:50,041 --> 00:31:52,010 PEOPLE BEING SO HAPPY TO SEE THIS WORLD. 465 00:31:52,076 --> 00:31:56,281 YOU KNOW, I THINK IT REALLY IS, LIKE, I WANT TO SEE HOW THIS 466 00:31:56,347 --> 00:31:58,283 GETS EXPLORED AGAIN. >> YEAH. 467 00:31:58,349 --> 00:32:00,852 >> Stephen: THIS IS SUCH AN ANXIOUS PERIOD OF TIME. 468 00:32:00,918 --> 00:32:02,020 >> IT IS. >> Stephen: HOW DO YOU FEEL 469 00:32:02,086 --> 00:32:06,824 ABOUT THE IDEA NOSTALGIA COMFORTS IN MOMENTS OF ANXIETY? 470 00:32:06,891 --> 00:32:09,961 >> IT DOES. I THINK IT CAN. 471 00:32:10,028 --> 00:32:14,799 I GUESS EVEN BEING CALLED NOSTALGIA MEANS IT'S A POSITIVE 472 00:32:14,866 --> 00:32:17,835 EXPERIENCE, RIGHT, BECAUSE OTHERWISE, IT WOULD BE A BAD 473 00:32:17,902 --> 00:32:19,604 MEMORY. >> Stephen: SURE, A FLASH 474 00:32:19,671 --> 00:32:24,575 WELBACK.>> A FLASHBACK. ( LAUGHTER ) 475 00:32:24,642 --> 00:32:26,544 BUT, YEAH, I THINK IT CAN BRING COMFORT. 476 00:32:26,611 --> 00:32:30,348 PART OF WHAT I FEEL THE FILM EXPLORES, TOO, IS WITH THAT 477 00:32:30,415 --> 00:32:35,386 PASSAGE OF TIME, YES, YOU CAN BE NOSTALGIC BUT YOU'RE IN THE 478 00:32:35,453 --> 00:32:48,099 PRESENT, WHEN YOU COME OUT OF TTHE REVERY, HOW DO I FEEL ABOUT 479 00:32:48,166 --> 00:32:52,070 THAT TIME AND WHERE I AM NOW. THAT CAN CAUSE ANXIETY, TOO. 480 00:32:52,136 --> 00:32:54,172 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: PEOPLE ADMIRE YOUR 481 00:32:54,238 --> 00:32:58,810 WORLD VIEW AND HOW YOU LIVE YOUR DAY ON A DAILY BASIS. 482 00:32:58,876 --> 00:33:02,847 ( APPLAUSE ) I'M CURIOUS WHAT A -- HOW DOES 483 00:33:02,914 --> 00:33:12,390 KEANU REEVES DEAL WITH ANXIETY? ( BREATHING... ) 484 00:33:12,457 --> 00:33:13,725 >> BREATHE. YEAH, YOU GOT TO BREATHE. 485 00:33:13,791 --> 00:33:21,599 >> Stephen: ACTIVATE THE VEGAS NERVE THERE? 486 00:33:21,666 --> 00:33:23,368 >> THE VEGAS NERVE -- ( LAUGHTER ) 487 00:33:23,434 --> 00:33:27,405 YEAH, BREATHE, TRY TO FIGURE OUT WHY ARE YOU AFRAID, WHAT DOES 488 00:33:27,472 --> 00:33:37,515 THAT MEAN, AND THEN TRY AND -- YEAH, TRY TO JUST BE AND LET NOT 489 00:33:37,582 --> 00:33:40,985 WHAT YOU'RE AFRAID OF DEFINE THE PRESENT THAT YOU HOPE TO BE IN 490 00:33:41,052 --> 00:33:45,823 WHEN YOU GO DO WHAT YOU'RE AFRAID OF. 491 00:33:45,890 --> 00:33:47,925 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: I'M ON BOARD. 492 00:33:47,992 --> 00:33:49,861 I DON'T KNOW. >> Stephen: I TOOK THE WHOLE 493 00:33:49,927 --> 00:33:54,866 RIDE. I TOOK THE WHOLE RIDE ON THAT 494 00:33:54,932 --> 00:33:58,002 ONE. HEY, THERE'S SO MANY -- 495 00:33:58,069 --> 00:33:59,003 >> OR NOT. ( LAUGHTER ) 496 00:33:59,070 --> 00:34:01,672 JUST BE AFRAID AND JUST DEAL, HANG ON! 497 00:34:01,739 --> 00:34:04,575 HANG ON! >> Stephen: JUST LEAN INTO IT. 498 00:34:04,642 --> 00:34:09,080 LEAN INTO IT AND BITE IT'S HEAD OFF. 499 00:34:09,147 --> 00:34:10,181 ANYWAY. DID I SAY THAT? 500 00:34:10,248 --> 00:34:12,450 >> Stephen: YOU CAN SAY BITE ITS HEAD OFF. 501 00:34:12,517 --> 00:34:15,219 DID YOU SAY A BAD WORD? >> NO. 502 00:34:15,286 --> 00:34:16,687 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: WELL, WE HAVE TO 503 00:34:16,754 --> 00:34:19,457 TAKE ANOTHER BREAK. STICK AROUND, WE'LL BE BACK WITH 504 00:34:19,524 --> 00:34:20,992 MORE KEANU REEVES. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 505 00:34:42,180 --> 00:34:43,414 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 506 00:34:43,481 --> 00:34:50,087 WE'RE BACK WITH KEANU REEVES! THE LAST FEW FILMS THAT YOU'VE 507 00:34:50,154 --> 00:34:58,229 DONE "BILL AND TED," "JOHN WICK," NOW "MATRIX," THESE ARE, 508 00:34:58,296 --> 00:35:01,032 YOU KNOW, RETURNING TO CHARACTERS THAT YOU'VE PLAYED 509 00:35:01,098 --> 00:35:05,937 BEFORE, WHICH I ASSUME IT FORMS A NOSTALGIA AND IT'S PLEASURE. 510 00:35:06,003 --> 00:35:08,506 IS THERE A CHARACTER YOU'VE PLAYED BEFORE THAT YOU WOULD 511 00:35:08,573 --> 00:35:13,211 LIKE TO PLAY AGAIN THAT NO ONE IS ASKING YOU TO? 512 00:35:13,277 --> 00:35:17,448 AND KEEP IN MIND, WHEN YOU SAY THIS, SOMEONE WILL THEN ASK YOU 513 00:35:17,515 --> 00:35:18,616 TO. >> THAT'S NOT TRUE. 514 00:35:18,683 --> 00:35:22,253 >> Stephen: WHO'S NOT GOING TO WANT KEANU REEVES TO BE IN 515 00:35:22,320 --> 00:35:24,222 ANOTHER KEANU REEVES MOVIE? >> BECAUSE THAT HAPPENS. 516 00:35:24,288 --> 00:35:31,762 >> Stephen: WHAT? I WOULD LOVE TO PLAY JOHN 517 00:35:31,829 --> 00:35:34,432 CONSTANTINE FROM THE CONSTANTINES. 518 00:35:34,499 --> 00:35:36,367 >> Stephen: GREAT FILM. LOVE THAT. 519 00:35:36,434 --> 00:35:39,036 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ARE YOU SAYING YOU ARE WILLING 520 00:35:39,103 --> 00:35:45,009 TO PLAY JOHN CONSTANTINE AGAIN ON NATIONAL TELEVISION WITH THE 521 00:35:45,076 --> 00:35:49,747 PROSPECT THAT STEPHEN COLBERT MUST HAVE A GUEST STARRING ROLE? 522 00:35:49,814 --> 00:35:50,648 >> NICE. ( LAUGHTER ) 523 00:35:50,715 --> 00:35:53,451 IS THAT THAT NO ONE WOULD MAKE THAT MOVIE? 524 00:35:53,518 --> 00:35:55,953 >> I'VE TRIED, STEPHEN. ( AUDIENCE REACTS ) 525 00:35:56,020 --> 00:35:57,288 >> Stephen: IF YOU GET IT MADE, CAN I PLAY A RELUCTANT 526 00:35:57,355 --> 00:36:00,591 DEMON WHO DOESN'T WANT TO MESS WITH JOHN CONSTANTINE, BUT IT'S 527 00:36:00,658 --> 00:36:02,026 HIS NATURE? >> IT'S HIS NATURE! 528 00:36:02,093 --> 00:36:09,100 >> Stephen: THAT'S ALL, I WANT TO HELP YO YOU, WE'RE FRIENDS! 529 00:36:09,166 --> 00:36:10,835 >> WE'RE FRIENDS. >> Stephen: WHAT AM I GOING TO 530 00:36:10,902 --> 00:36:13,905 DO IS THIS YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU, WHICH I MEAN HATE YOU. 531 00:36:13,971 --> 00:36:16,807 >> YEAH, IT'S A THIN LINE, ISN'T IT? 532 00:36:16,874 --> 00:36:18,676 >> Stephen: BETWEEN LOVE AND HATE? 533 00:36:18,743 --> 00:36:20,678 >> YEAH. >> Stephen: SO I'VE READ. 534 00:36:20,745 --> 00:36:22,480 SO I'VE HEARD. ANYWAY. 535 00:36:22,547 --> 00:36:25,816 >> YEAH, I WOULD LOVE TO. >> Stephen: YOU RECENTLY HAVE 536 00:36:25,883 --> 00:36:30,421 ADDED A NEW CREDIT TO YOUR NAME, YOU ARE NOW A COMIC BOOK 537 00:36:30,488 --> 00:36:32,056 CREATOR. ( APPLAUSE ) 538 00:36:32,123 --> 00:36:38,095 TELL ME ABOUT BERSERKER. >> YEAH, MAN, THANKS FOR ASKING. 539 00:36:38,162 --> 00:36:45,937 THIS COMIC BOOK, YOU'RE HOLDING VOLUME ONE, WHICH IS THE FIRST 540 00:36:46,003 --> 00:36:51,509 FOUR ISSUES OF THE FIRST ARC OF A TWELVE-ISSUE SERIES CALLED 541 00:36:51,576 --> 00:36:57,982 BERSERKER, AND IT'S ABOUT A CHARACTER THAT WAS BORN 80,000 542 00:36:58,049 --> 00:37:03,621 YEARS AGO WHO'S HALF A HUMAN AND HALF A GOD AND WHO'S KIND OF 543 00:37:03,688 --> 00:37:06,123 CURSED WITH THE COMPULSION TO VIOLENCE. 544 00:37:06,190 --> 00:37:12,029 >> Stephen: AND THERE IS A VERY INTERESTING ONE FRAME IN 545 00:37:12,096 --> 00:37:15,733 HERE WHICH EVERYONE IS SAYING IS A REFERENCE TO YOU. 546 00:37:15,800 --> 00:37:20,104 >> OH, THAT ONE. >> Stephen: SO WE ALL ARE 547 00:37:20,171 --> 00:37:28,179 FAMILIAR. WE'RE ALL FAMILIAR WITH SAD 548 00:37:28,245 --> 00:37:30,281 KEANU. >> I'M JUST EATING A SANDWICH! 549 00:37:30,348 --> 00:37:33,951 >> Stephen: THERE'S A FRAME FROM BERSERKER. 550 00:37:34,018 --> 00:37:35,019 ( APPLAUSE ) >> OKAY, OKAY. 551 00:37:35,086 --> 00:37:39,690 >> Stephen: SO YOU'RE NOT ACTUALLY SAD IN SAD KEANU? 552 00:37:39,757 --> 00:37:42,059 >> I WAS THINKING. I HAD STUFF GOING ON. 553 00:37:42,126 --> 00:37:44,428 I WAS HUNGRY. ( LAUGHTER ) 554 00:37:44,495 --> 00:37:48,065 YEAH, SO LIFE AND ART. SO THAT SIMILAR LATER -- SO RON 555 00:37:48,132 --> 00:37:53,404 GARNY IS THE AMAZING ARTIST WHO'S ILLUSTRATING AND DRAWING 556 00:37:53,471 --> 00:37:55,072 BERSERKER. I DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS GOING TO DO 557 00:37:55,139 --> 00:38:01,445 THAT BUT THAT'S WHAT HE DID SO I THINK IT'S KIND OF META. 558 00:38:01,512 --> 00:38:05,816 ( LAUGHTER ) SO HE DECIDED TO TAKE, I BELIEVN 559 00:38:05,883 --> 00:38:10,121 BE TRUE -- BUT HE TOOK THIS MOMENT, BECAUSE THE CHARACTER I 560 00:38:10,187 --> 00:38:13,658 PLAY IN BERSERKER IS KIND OF WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT TO 561 00:38:13,724 --> 00:38:16,894 HAPPEN BECAUSE HE'S BEING STUDIED BY THE AMERICAN 562 00:38:16,961 --> 00:38:21,132 GOVERNMENT BLACK OPS PROGRAM TO TRY TO FIGURE OUT WHY HE'S 563 00:38:21,198 --> 00:38:23,534 IMMORTAL, HOW DOES HE REGENERATE, AND I'M JUST TRYING 564 00:38:23,601 --> 00:38:28,706 TO FIGURE OUT, YOU KNOW, HOW DO I EXIST AND HOW DO I END MY 565 00:38:28,773 --> 00:38:32,076 IMMORALITY. SO HE'S SITTING THERE, AND SO 566 00:38:32,143 --> 00:38:36,280 THE ARTIST KIND OF -- I THINK, TOOK THAT MEME, WHATEVER THAT 567 00:38:36,347 --> 00:38:46,157 IS, THAT PHOTO, AND THEN PUT IT INTO THE COMIC BOOK. 568 00:38:46,223 --> 00:38:49,126 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: WE'VE GOT TO GO IN 569 00:38:49,193 --> 00:38:51,429 A MOMENT. I WANT TO ASK YOU, SPEAKING OF 570 00:38:51,495 --> 00:38:55,833 LIFE AND ART OR YOUR LIFE REPRESENTED IN ART, WHY DO YOU 571 00:38:55,900 --> 00:39:01,939 THINK YOU'RE SO MEMABLE? THERE ARE SO MANY KEANU REEVES 572 00:39:02,006 --> 00:39:04,842 MEMES OUT THERE. >> I HAVE NO CLUE, SIR. 573 00:39:04,909 --> 00:39:06,310 >> Stephen: REALLY? REALLY. 574 00:39:06,377 --> 00:39:07,645 >> Stephen: YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND? 575 00:39:07,712 --> 00:39:09,714 BECAUSE YOU HAVE SUCH A DISTINCT CHARACTER OF YOUR OWN, AND 576 00:39:09,780 --> 00:39:15,052 PEOPLE KIND OF LAY ON YOU MEMING. 577 00:39:15,119 --> 00:39:18,022 >> MEME ON ME WHEN YOU'RE NOT STRONG ♪ 578 00:39:18,089 --> 00:39:24,061 ♪ I'LL BE YOUR FRIEND ♪ ♪ I'LL HELP YOU CARRY ON ♪ 579 00:39:24,128 --> 00:39:32,069 ♪ ♪ LEAN ON ME ♪ 580 00:39:32,136 --> 00:39:36,073 ( APPLAUSE ) >> STEPHEN: THE MATRIX 581 00:39:36,140 --> 00:39:37,508 RESURRECTION IS IN THEATERS AND ON HBO MAX ON DEC 22. 582 00:39:37,575 --> 00:39:38,909 KEANU REEVES EVERYBODY WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY 583 00:39:38,976 --> 00:39:40,444 BRETT ELDREDGE. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 584 00:39:51,489 --> 00:39:53,724 >> Stephen: PERFORMING THE TITLE TRACK FROM HIS ALBUM, "MR. 585 00:39:53,791 --> 00:39:57,728 CHRISTMAS," BRETT ELDREDGE! ♪ ♪ ♪ 586 00:39:57,795 --> 00:40:05,703 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 587 00:40:05,770 --> 00:40:13,711 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ YOU MISS A SPARKLE 588 00:40:13,778 --> 00:40:17,214 BUT YOU COULD GLOW ♪ YOU JUST NEED A KISS 589 00:40:17,281 --> 00:40:21,719 UNDERNEATH THE MISTLETOE ♪ I SHOW YOU MAGIC 590 00:40:21,786 --> 00:40:25,990 LIKE YOU NEVER SEEN ♪ YOU ARE THE ANGEL 591 00:40:26,056 --> 00:40:29,226 ON THE TOP OF THAT EVERGREEN ♪ WE'LL TAKE A STROLL DOWN 592 00:40:29,293 --> 00:40:34,365 MICHIGAN AVENUE ♪ I'LL TURN YOUR HEART BEATING 593 00:40:34,431 --> 00:40:42,339 RED INSTEAD OF BLUE, OH ♪ CALL ME MR. CHRISTMAS 594 00:40:42,406 --> 00:40:47,211 I'LL MAKE YOUR SPIRIT BRIGHT ♪ I'LL DRY YOUR EYES 595 00:40:47,278 --> 00:40:53,217 WITH CANDY SKIES ♪ AND WARM SHERRY DELIGHT 596 00:40:53,284 --> 00:40:58,355 WITH HIGHFALUTIN PARTIES ♪ THAT LAST 597 00:40:58,422 --> 00:41:02,359 ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT ♪ YEAH, EVERY WISH 598 00:41:02,426 --> 00:41:05,296 WILL COME TRUE ♪ YEAH, I'LL BE 599 00:41:05,362 --> 00:41:14,205 MR. CHRISTMAS FOR YOU 600 00:41:14,271 --> 00:41:16,874 ♪ I SEE YA SMILING THAT JOLLY GRIN 601 00:41:16,941 --> 00:41:19,910 ♪ YOU'RE SKATING CIRCLES ROUND MY HEART 602 00:41:19,977 --> 00:41:22,413 ♪ AND I'M FALLING IN I'LL HANG THE LIGHTS, 603 00:41:22,479 --> 00:41:26,417 ♪ GLITTER THE TREE I WANNA MAKE YOU HAPPY 604 00:41:26,483 --> 00:41:29,286 ♪ AS YOU'RE MAKING ME THE RED SUIT MAN 605 00:41:29,353 --> 00:41:35,292 ♪ IS RIDING IN ON HIS SLEIGH SO HOP RIGHT IN 606 00:41:35,359 --> 00:41:41,298 ♪ AND WE'RE OFF AND ON OUR WAY, HEY 607 00:41:41,365 --> 00:41:47,304 ♪ CALL ME MR. CHRISTMAS I'LL MAKE YOUR SPIRIT BRIGHT 608 00:41:47,371 --> 00:41:53,277 ♪ I'LL DRY YOUR EYES WITH CANDY SKIES 609 00:41:53,344 --> 00:41:57,882 ♪ AND WARM SHERRY DELIGHT WITH HIGHFALUTIN PARTIES 610 00:41:57,948 --> 00:42:02,186 ♪ THAT LAST ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT 611 00:42:02,253 --> 00:42:05,356 ♪ YEAH, EVERY WISH WILL COME TRUE 612 00:42:05,422 --> 00:42:11,095 ♪ YEAH, I'LL BE MR. CHRISTMAS FOR YOU 613 00:42:11,161 --> 00:42:17,368 ♪ ♪ ♪ 614 00:42:17,434 --> 00:42:23,374 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ I PULL OUT ALL THE STOPS, 615 00:42:23,440 --> 00:42:26,243 SWEET AS LEMON DROPS ♪ CAROLS RINGING, 616 00:42:26,310 --> 00:42:29,346 HE IS SINGING ♪ AS THE FIRE POPS 617 00:42:29,413 --> 00:42:32,716 FEEL YOU GETTING CLOSE, ♪ CHEERS AND HERE'S A TOAST 618 00:42:32,783 --> 00:42:34,485 HEART IS RACING, ♪ YOU'VE BEEN WAITING, 619 00:42:34,551 --> 00:42:41,358 WATCH, I'LL MAKE IT SNOW ♪ CALL ME MR. CHRISTMAS 620 00:42:41,425 --> 00:42:45,195 I'LL MAKE YOUR SPIRIT BRIGHT ♪ I'LL DRY YOUR EYES 621 00:42:45,262 --> 00:42:50,501 WITH CANDY SKIES ♪ AND WARM SHERRY DELIGHT 622 00:42:50,567 --> 00:42:53,370 WITH HIGHFALUTIN PARTIES ♪ THAT LAST 623 00:42:53,437 --> 00:42:58,409 ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT ♪ YEAH, EVERY WISH 624 00:42:58,475 --> 00:42:59,376 WILL COME TRUE ♪ YEAH, I'LL BE MR. CHRISTMAS 625 00:42:59,443 --> 00:43:09,086 FOR YOU ♪ MR. CHRISTMAS 626 00:43:09,153 --> 00:43:14,458 YEAH, I'LL BE MR. CHRISTMAS ♪ FOR YOU 627 00:43:14,525 --> 00:43:17,428 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 628 00:43:17,494 --> 00:43:22,566 ♪ WHERE YOU WANNA GO? 629 00:43:22,633 --> 00:43:26,570 ♪ CHICAGO? HOP RIGHT IN 630 00:43:26,637 --> 00:43:29,440 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 631 00:43:29,506 --> 00:43:38,549 ♪ 632 00:43:38,615 --> 00:43:42,086 >> Stephen: CHECK OUT ANOTHER PERFORMANCE FROM HIM ON, 633 00:43:42,152 --> 00:43:45,556 colbertlateshow.com BRETT ELDEREDGE EVERYBODY! 634 00:43:45,622 --> 00:43:48,092 9HAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW." TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN OUR GUESTS 635 00:43:48,158 --> 00:43:51,161 WILL BE HENRY CAVIL AND JONATHAN GROFF. 636 00:43:51,228 --> 00:43:53,530 JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT, EVERYBODY. GOOD NIGHT! 637 00:43:53,597 --> 00:43:55,966 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> THANK YOU VERY MUCH!