1 00:00:02,001 --> 00:00:03,169 >> "HARRY POTTER," IN CELEBRATION OF THE SERIES' 2 00:00:03,236 --> 00:00:07,607 20th ANNIVERSARY, HBO MAX IS REUNITING THE MAGICAL PAST FOR. 3 00:00:07,674 --> 00:00:09,943 A SPECIAL OUT NEW YEAR'S DAY. >> IT WILL INCLUDES A 4 00:00:10,009 --> 00:00:12,946 BEHIND-THE-SCENES LOOK AT THE MAKING OF THE MEGA-HIT 5 00:00:13,012 --> 00:00:17,917 FRANCHISE, AND INTERVIEWS WITH THE NOW-GROWN-UP CAST. 6 00:00:17,984 --> 00:00:19,786 >> AND A NEW TEASER GIVES FANS A SNEAK PEEK. 7 00:00:19,853 --> 00:00:22,956 ♪ ♪ ♪ >> ON NEW YEAR'S DAY, HBO MAX IS 8 00:00:23,022 --> 00:00:26,826 BRINGING BACK THE MAGIC OF "HARRY POTTER," WITH THE 20th 9 00:00:26,893 --> 00:00:32,365 ANNIVERSARY RETURN TO HOGWARTS FEATURING IN-DEPTH INTERVIEWS: 10 00:00:32,432 --> 00:00:35,869 DANIEL RADCLIFFE, EMMA WATSON, THE RED-HEADED ONE, AND THE 11 00:00:35,935 --> 00:00:40,507 SORTING HAT. AND HE WILL SPILL THE TEA. 12 00:00:40,573 --> 00:00:43,777 >> DOBBY WAS AN ABSOLUTE HORN DOG. 13 00:00:43,843 --> 00:00:46,045 WOULDN'T LEAVE MAGGIE SMITH ALONE, ESPECIALLY WHEN COCAINE 14 00:00:54,053 --> 00:00:58,191 BITCHES? LET'S JUST SAY THE HEAD WIG 15 00:00:58,258 --> 00:00:59,793 DOESN'T MATCH THE WAND. >> ENJOY NEVER-BEFORE-SEEN 16 00:00:59,859 --> 00:01:06,132 OUT-TAKES. >> YES, YES, I CHOOSE... 17 00:01:06,199 --> 00:01:07,834 GRIFFIN... LINE? 18 00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:09,869 GRIFFEN-DUTY. ROYAL. 19 00:01:09,936 --> 00:01:11,838 GOO GOO G'JOOB. GREG BRADY. 20 00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:16,943 SON OF A... 21 00:01:17,010 --> 00:01:19,846 >> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT." 22 00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:27,020 TONIGHT: PLUS HOLIDAY CARD FIRST DRAFTS. 23 00:01:27,086 --> 00:01:33,026 AND STEPHEN WELCOMES: DAVID ALAN GRIER 24 00:01:33,092 --> 00:01:39,833 AND STING TAKES THE COLBERT QUESTIONERT. 25 00:01:39,899 --> 00:01:42,335 FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY 26 00:01:42,402 --> 00:01:46,506 HUMAN. 27 00:01:46,573 --> 00:01:47,841 AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK 28 00:01:47,907 --> 00:01:52,712 CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 29 00:01:52,779 --> 00:02:05,925 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 30 00:02:05,992 --> 00:02:09,128 HAPPY FRIDAY. HAPPY FRIDAY. 31 00:02:09,195 --> 00:02:14,000 >> Jon: HAPPY FRIDAY OH! OH! 32 00:02:14,067 --> 00:02:16,836 >> Stephen: FEEL IT. ISN'T THIS LOVELY? 33 00:02:16,903 --> 00:02:20,206 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) NO BETTER WAY TO START A WEEKEND 34 00:02:20,273 --> 00:02:23,309 THAN WITH A FRIDAY. I'VE ALWAYS SAID THAT. 35 00:02:23,376 --> 00:02:26,312 >> Jon: UH-HUH. >> Stephen: AND THERE'S 36 00:02:26,379 --> 00:02:29,516 NOTHING BETTER ON A FRIDAY THAN A FRIDAY AUDIENCE, THESE PEOPLE 37 00:02:29,582 --> 00:02:30,683 RIGHT HERE. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). 38 00:02:30,750 --> 00:02:32,252 THAT'S ALL-- THAT'S ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS. 39 00:02:32,318 --> 00:02:35,788 >> Jon: THAT'S ALL I WANT. >> Stephen: ALL I WANT FOR 40 00:02:35,855 --> 00:02:39,926 CHRISTMAS IS THESE PEOPLE. WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW." 41 00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:41,861 I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. AND LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, A VERY 42 00:02:41,928 --> 00:02:46,032 MERRY, A VERY MERRY FRIDAY TO YOU ALL. 43 00:02:46,099 --> 00:02:47,700 WE ARE JUST A FEW WEEKS AWAY FROM CHRISTMAS, FOR THOSE WHO 44 00:02:47,767 --> 00:02:48,902 CELEBRATE. AND IT'S ALSO A FEW WEEKS FOR 45 00:02:48,968 --> 00:02:50,336 THOSE WHO DON'T. THAT'S JUST HOW CALENDARS WORK. 46 00:02:50,403 --> 00:02:51,905 IT'S NOT PERSONAL. I CELEBRATE, BECAUSE I'M A 47 00:02:51,971 --> 00:02:55,909 CATHOLIC. AND THIS WEEK, THE VATICAN 48 00:02:55,975 --> 00:03:02,415 SURPRISED US WITH A LITTLE LENIENCY, WHEN POPE FRANCIS JUST 49 00:03:02,482 --> 00:03:07,987 SAID EXTRAMARITAL SEX SINS AREN'T THAT SERIOUS. 50 00:03:08,054 --> 00:03:13,126 THAT'S MY FREAKY FRANKY! ( APPLAUSE ) 51 00:03:13,192 --> 00:03:21,534 CLEARLY NEVER BEEN MARRIED. I ALSO WANT TO POINT OUT THAT 52 00:03:21,601 --> 00:03:24,737 THAT NEWS THAT DOES NOT AFFECT ME IN ANY WAY. 53 00:03:24,804 --> 00:03:27,340 I AM HAPPILY MARRIED TO MY WIFE, EVIE. 54 00:03:27,407 --> 00:03:28,308 I HAVE NOT ONCE-- ( APPLAUSE ) 55 00:03:28,374 --> 00:03:33,780 NEIGHBOR'S WIFE. THOUGH I WOULD NOT KICK HIS 56 00:03:33,846 --> 00:03:36,149 RIDING LAWNMOWER OUT OF BED FOR MULCHING CRACKERS. 57 00:03:36,215 --> 00:03:38,151 NOW, EXPLAINING HIS SURPRISING TOLERANCE, THE POPE SAID SINS OF 58 00:03:38,217 --> 00:03:42,155 THE FLESH WERE CERTAINLY SINS, BUT NOT AS GREAT AS SINS SUCH 59 00:03:42,221 --> 00:03:44,157 AS PRIDE. SO, IF YOU ARE PROUD OF YOURSELF 60 00:03:44,223 --> 00:03:47,994 FOR NOT HAVING AN AFFAIR, GOD WOULD RATHER YOU JUST BANG 61 00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:49,395 ANYTHING THAT MOVES. ( LAUGHTER ) 62 00:03:49,462 --> 00:03:52,165 BECAUSE THAT'S-- MAYBE I'M MISREADING THAT? 63 00:03:52,231 --> 00:03:56,536 AM I MISREADING THAT? THE COMMENTS ARE IN RESPONSE TO 64 00:03:56,603 --> 00:03:59,973 A FRENCH ARCHBISHOP WHO RECENTLY QUIT BECAUSE OF A RELATIONSHIP 65 00:04:00,039 --> 00:04:02,475 HE HAD WITH A WOMAN, EVEN THOUGH HE CLAIMED IT WAS NOT 66 00:04:02,542 --> 00:04:04,043 INAPPROPRIATE. POPE FRANCIS EXPLAINED IT 67 00:04:04,110 --> 00:04:08,047 THIS WAY: "IT WAS A FAILING AGAINST THE 68 00:04:08,114 --> 00:04:10,183 SIXTH COMMANDMENT, BUT NOT A TOTAL ONE, ONE OF SMALL 69 00:04:10,249 --> 00:04:15,455 CARESSES, MASSAGE GIVEN TO HIS SECRETARY." 70 00:04:15,521 --> 00:04:17,857 YOUR HOLINESS, H.R. WOULD LIKE A WORD. 71 00:04:17,924 --> 00:04:23,196 ( LAUGHTER ) CAN'T MASSAGE THE SECRETARIES. 72 00:04:23,262 --> 00:04:25,198 CAN'T MASSAGE THE SECRETARIES. YOU CAN HEAR THE REST OF THE 73 00:04:25,264 --> 00:04:28,968 STORY IN THE POPE'S NEW EROTIC ENCYCLICAL "50 SHADES OF PRAY." 74 00:04:29,035 --> 00:04:33,172 ( LAUGHTER ) I GOT A LITTLE SOMETHING. 75 00:04:33,239 --> 00:04:38,211 JUST A LITTLE SOMETHING. THE COUNTRY IS SLOWLY GETTING 76 00:04:38,277 --> 00:04:41,214 BACK TO TRAVEL, AND THERE ARE STILL SOME HICCUPS IN OUR 77 00:04:41,280 --> 00:04:44,651 AIRPORTS, LIKE IN THIS VIDEO THAT WENT VIRAL THIS WEEK FROM 78 00:04:44,717 --> 00:04:48,054 THE DALLAS FORT WORTH AIRPORT. WHEE! 79 00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:51,724 LOOK AT THAT LITTLE SUITCASE GO ( LAUGHTER ) 80 00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:58,998 SPIRIT AIRLINES FLIGHT EITHER! THAT IS SO ADORABLE. 81 00:04:59,065 --> 00:05:00,366 THIS IS THE PIXAR MOVIE WE DIDN'T KNOW WE NEEDED. 82 00:05:00,433 --> 00:05:04,103 IF YOU CAN GET PAST THE TRAGIC BACKSTORY ABOUT THE 83 00:05:04,170 --> 00:05:08,107 LUGGAGE'S WIFE. NOW, EVENTUALLY, THIS PIECE OF 84 00:05:08,174 --> 00:05:12,245 LUGGAGE WAS STOPPED WHEN THE GROUNDS CREW PULLED IT OVER TO 85 00:05:12,311 --> 00:05:14,580 RETRIEVE IT, AT WHICH POINT THEY CHARGED THE BAG A $30 FEE TO 86 00:05:14,647 --> 00:05:18,251 CHECK ITSELF. SPEAKING OF TRAVEL, ONE THING WE 87 00:05:18,317 --> 00:05:24,123 KNOW ABOUT BILLIONAIRES IS THAT THEY LOVE TO JET OFF INTO SPACE. 88 00:05:24,190 --> 00:05:26,259 AND THERE'S A NEW ONE JOINING THE CLUB, AND I'LL TELL YOU ALL 89 00:05:26,325 --> 00:05:32,098 ABOUT HIM IN MY SEGMENT, "SPACE NEWS: MORE BILLIONAIRES 90 00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:38,571 EDITION!" >> FOLLOW ME, FELLAS! 91 00:05:38,638 --> 00:05:53,286 ( APPLAUSE ) THE LATEST WEALTHY GENT TO TAKE 92 00:05:53,352 --> 00:05:55,555 TO THE HEAVENS IS JAPANESE RETAIL MOGUL AND MAN ABOUT TO 93 00:05:55,621 --> 00:05:56,923 GET JUMPED BY A SHEEP, YUSAKU MAEZAWA. 94 00:05:56,989 --> 00:06:00,093 WEDNESDAY, MAEZAWA'S SPACECRAFT LEFT FOR THE INTERNATIONAL SPACE 95 00:06:00,159 --> 00:06:02,628 STATION, WHERE HE WILL SPEND 12 DAYS IN ORIT WITH HIS 96 00:06:02,695 --> 00:06:08,367 ASSISTANT. WOW, I HOPE THAT ASSISTANT IS 97 00:06:08,434 --> 00:06:14,107 GETTING OVERTIME. "OH, THIS IS HAZELNUT, AND I 98 00:06:14,173 --> 00:06:15,208 ACTUALLY ASKED FOR MOCHA. DO YOU MIND POPPING BACK TO 99 00:06:15,274 --> 00:06:20,179 EARTH? THANKS SO MUCH!" 100 00:06:20,246 --> 00:06:21,748 MAEZAWA IS GOING TO BE BUSY AMONGST THE STARS, BECAUSE HE 101 00:06:21,814 --> 00:06:23,249 WILL USE PART OF THE TIME TO PERFORM TASKS FROM A LIST OF 100 102 00:06:23,316 --> 00:06:25,184 CHALLENGES HE CROWD-SOURCED ON THE INTERNET. 103 00:06:25,251 --> 00:06:27,620 WHAT AN INSPIRING USE OF MANKIND'S CONQUEST OF SPACE. 104 00:06:27,687 --> 00:06:31,324 REMINDS ME OF THE WORDS OF JOHN F. KENNEDY: 105 00:06:31,390 --> 00:06:35,461 >> WE CHOOSE TO GO TO THE MOON IN THIS DECADE AND DO THE OTHER 106 00:06:35,528 --> 00:06:38,631 THINGS, NOT BECAUSE THEY ARE EASY, BUT FOR THE LIKES! 107 00:06:38,698 --> 00:06:42,468 IF THIS VIDEO HITS A MILLION VIEWS, I'LL PIERCE MY NIPPLES 108 00:06:42,535 --> 00:06:44,170 ON INSTAGRAM LIVE! ( LAUGHTER ) 109 00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:46,739 >> Stephen: SO-- IT'S TRUE. HE DID IT. 110 00:06:46,806 --> 00:06:48,975 IT'S TRUE. PEOPLE FORGET. 111 00:06:49,041 --> 00:06:54,714 PEOPLE FORGET. SO, WHAT KIND OF 112 00:06:54,781 --> 00:06:56,182 INTERNET-FRIENDLY GOOFS AND JAPES ARE ON MAEZAWA'S TO-DO 113 00:06:56,249 --> 00:07:00,186 LIST? PLAYING AIR TABLE TENNIS, 114 00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:02,722 PUTTING TOGETHER A JIGSAW PUZZLE, AND DRINKING URINE 115 00:07:02,789 --> 00:07:06,526 WATER. OKAY, SO, A COUPLE OF NORMAL, 116 00:07:06,592 --> 00:07:08,728 RAINY DAY ACTIVITIES, AND TABLE TENNIS. 117 00:07:08,795 --> 00:07:12,231 BUT ON'T WORRY, MAEZAWA'S TRIP WILL NOT INTERFERE WITH THE 118 00:07:12,298 --> 00:07:14,700 IMPORTANT WORK OF ASTRONAUTS... DURING THE DAY. 119 00:07:14,767 --> 00:07:17,837 BECAUSE HE ALSO PLANS TO PRANK SOMEONE WHO IS ASLEEP. 120 00:07:17,904 --> 00:07:23,543 OH, COME ON! YOU KNOW HE'S GOING TO PUT A 121 00:07:23,609 --> 00:07:24,710 SLEEPING ASTRONAUT'S HAND IN WARM WATER TO SEE IF IT MAKES 122 00:07:24,777 --> 00:07:27,013 THEM PEE. AND THEN HE'S GOING TO DRINK IT. 123 00:07:27,079 --> 00:07:32,218 ( LAUGHTER ) I WAS SHOCKED BY THAT, TOO. 124 00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:36,255 WE'VE ALSO GOT SOME NEWS ABOUT EARTH'S NUMBER-ONE CAUSE OF 125 00:07:36,322 --> 00:07:38,391 WEREWOLVES: THE MOON. AND I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT 126 00:07:38,457 --> 00:07:44,263 IN TONIGHT'S INSTALLMENT OF: "MOON NEWS!" 127 00:07:44,330 --> 00:07:54,440 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) "STEVE, THE MOON IS IN SPACE. 128 00:07:54,507 --> 00:07:56,142 WHY ISN'T THIS STORY IN 'SPACE NEWS'?" 129 00:07:56,209 --> 00:07:59,412 FIRST OF ALL, EVERYTHING IS IN SPACE. 130 00:07:59,478 --> 00:08:06,619 SECONDLY, BECAUSE WE ALREADY MADE BOTH SETS OF GRAPHICS. 131 00:08:06,686 --> 00:08:08,821 IT'S ONE OF STEPHEN COLBERT'S PATENTED CLOCK -GOBBLERS. 132 00:08:08,888 --> 00:08:12,325 WE ALSO MADE THIS GRAPHIC. NOW-- 133 00:08:12,391 --> 00:08:19,432 ( APPLAUSE ) OH, YES, THE MOON. 134 00:08:19,498 --> 00:08:22,435 THIS WEEK, WE LEARNED THAT A CHINESE ROVER HAS DISCOVERED 135 00:08:22,501 --> 00:08:25,438 WHAT THEY'RE CALLING A "MYSTERY HUT" ON THE FAR SIDE OF THE 136 00:08:25,504 --> 00:08:27,573 MOON-- THOUGH, IT MAY BE A COMBINATION MYSTERY HUT/TACO 137 00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:30,676 BELL. ( LAUGHTER ) 138 00:08:30,743 --> 00:08:36,315 SO LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THE THRILLING SPACE REVELATION: 139 00:08:36,382 --> 00:08:43,389 THIS! OKAY, NOT THE HIGHEST 140 00:08:43,456 --> 00:08:44,690 RESOLUTION. EVIDENTLY, THE CAMERA INSTALLED 141 00:08:44,757 --> 00:08:48,327 ON THE CHINESE ROVER IS A DUCT-TAPED BABY MONITOR. 142 00:08:48,394 --> 00:08:49,929 IT'S ESPECIALLY BAD, CONSIDERING THE HUT OF MYSTERY WAS ONLY 143 00:08:49,996 --> 00:08:52,331 ABOUT 80 METERS AWAY FROM THE ROVER. 144 00:08:52,398 --> 00:08:58,070 THERE'S NO ATMOSPHERE! WHY IS IT SO BLURRY? 145 00:08:58,137 --> 00:09:00,306 I TOOK A PIC WITH MY PHONE A FEW NIGHTS AGO, AND I WAS ABLE TO 146 00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:04,377 SEE THE MOON JUST FINE. WAIT A MINUTE, JIMMY. 147 00:09:04,443 --> 00:09:08,381 IS THAT THE MOON? >> THAT'S NO MOON. 148 00:09:08,447 --> 00:09:12,118 >> Stephen: THANK YOU, OBI -WAN. SO, WHAT IS THIS MYSTERY HUT ON 149 00:09:12,184 --> 00:09:14,820 OUR MOON? IS IT AN ALIEN POWER SOURCE? 150 00:09:14,887 --> 00:09:17,657 A SECRET RUSSIAN WEAPONS BASE? WELL, BRACE YOURSELVES, 151 00:09:17,723 --> 00:09:22,495 BECAUSE SCIENTISTS THINK IT'S PROBABLY A LARGE BOULDER. 152 00:09:22,561 --> 00:09:27,934 BOO, BOO, SCIENCE! I AAY BOO, SIR! 153 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:29,635 WHY DO YOU HAVE TO RUIN OUR FUN? 154 00:09:29,702 --> 00:09:31,037 SCIENCE IS ALWAYS SAYING THINGS LIKE, "THE MOON HUT IS JUST A 155 00:09:31,103 --> 00:09:32,338 ROCK," AND "I DON'T CARE HOW MANY CARDBOARD WINGS YOU 156 00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:33,439 TAPE TO YOUR BROTHER, HE WON'T FLY WHEN YOU PUSH HIM OFF THE 157 00:09:33,506 --> 00:09:38,878 GARAGE." HE'LL FLY FOR A LITTLE WHILE. 158 00:09:38,945 --> 00:09:44,550 ( LAUGHTER ) COMING UP ON THE FIRST 159 00:09:44,617 --> 00:09:48,421 ANNIVERSARY OF THE JANUARY 6 INSURRECTION. 160 00:09:48,487 --> 00:09:50,990 AND I'LL TELL YOU ABOUT THE MOST RECENT INCARCERATED 161 00:09:51,057 --> 00:09:52,391 INSURRECTIONIST IN TONIGHT'S EDITION OF "SEDITIONIST ROUND-UP 162 00:09:52,458 --> 00:09:59,865 ROUNDUP." >> STOP YOUR STALLION AND PUT 163 00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:01,000 THESE APPA-LOSERS IN JAIL! ( LAUGHTER ) 164 00:10:01,067 --> 00:10:04,370 >> Stephen: TONIGHT'S DEMOCRACY-- 165 00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:11,577 ( APPLAUSE ) DINGUS IS FLORIDA MAN FELIPE 166 00:10:11,644 --> 00:10:14,847 MARQUEZ. MARQUEZ HOPED THE F.B.I. WOULD 167 00:10:14,914 --> 00:10:18,551 GO EASY ON HIM AFTER THE JANUARY 6 ATTACK ON THE CAPITOL 168 00:10:18,617 --> 00:10:20,386 WHEN HE TOLD THEM HE WAS "IN THE BATHROOM POOPING WHEN THE 169 00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:24,390 VIOLENCE OCCURRED." NOW, I'M NO LEGAL EXPERT. 170 00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:26,826 I KNOW YOU CAN PLEAD THE FIFTH, BUT I'M PRETTY SURE YOU CAN'T 171 00:10:26,892 --> 00:10:33,766 PLEAD THE DEUCE. ( LAUGHTER ) 172 00:10:33,833 --> 00:10:40,406 TONIGHT. MY GUEST IS DAVID ALAN GRIER. 173 00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:42,475 BUT WHEN WE RETURN, I'LL SHOW YOU THE YEAR'S HOTTEST HOLIDAY 174 00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:23,616 ( APPLAUSE ) HEY, EVERYBODY, WELCOME BACK TO 175 00:11:23,682 --> 00:11:26,619 "THE LATE SHOW." IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF 176 00:11:26,685 --> 00:11:30,623 THE YEAR, WHEN PARENTS ALL OVER THE NATION HAVE TO SAY, HEY, 177 00:11:30,689 --> 00:11:33,626 SIRI, "WHAT THE HELL ARE L .O.L. DOGS?" 178 00:11:33,692 --> 00:11:35,628 AND, "HOW ARE THEY SOLD OUT IF I JUST LEARNED OF THEIR 179 00:11:35,694 --> 00:11:41,233 EXISTENCE?" AND SOME PEOPLE LOVE TO GIVE 180 00:11:41,300 --> 00:11:42,902 HOLIDAY CARDS. BUT EVEN THE BEST CHRISTMAS 181 00:11:42,968 --> 00:11:45,638 CARDS DON'T NAIL IT ON THE FIRST TRY, SO TONIGHT WE'LL TAKE A 182 00:11:45,704 --> 00:11:49,642 LOOK AT SOME OF THE EARLY ATTEMPTS IN OUR SEGMENT: 183 00:11:49,708 --> 00:11:51,343 "FIRST DRAFTS." >> NO, NO! 184 00:11:51,410 --> 00:11:56,882 STUPID! >> Stephen: AS ALWAYS, I NEED A 185 00:11:56,949 --> 00:12:03,422 LITTLE HELP, AND AS ALWAYS, I HAVE THE BEST POSSIBLE SANTA'S 186 00:12:03,489 --> 00:12:04,957 HELPER, MY WIFE, EVIE. EVIE, MY DARLING. 187 00:12:05,024 --> 00:12:07,026 THERE YOU GO. YOU LOOK FANTASTIC. 188 00:12:17,736 --> 00:12:20,940 YOU LOOK LOVELY. >> THANK YOU! 189 00:12:21,006 --> 00:12:29,415 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). >> I KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO TELL 190 00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:34,687 ME I HAVE LIPSTICK ON MY MOUTH. THANK YOU! 191 00:12:34,753 --> 00:12:42,695 >> Stephen: ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, EVIE, MERRY CHRISTMAS, MY 192 00:12:42,761 --> 00:12:44,930 >> I DON'T LIKE THAT. >> Stephen: YOU DON'T DO DAIRY 193 00:12:44,997 --> 00:12:49,168 "P" I GOT YOU MOUNTAIN DEW CODE RED. 194 00:12:49,235 --> 00:12:52,671 A LITTLE BRANDY IN BOTH. >> IS THIS REALITY MOUNTAIN DEW? 195 00:12:52,738 --> 00:12:56,075 >> IT IS. YOU DON'T DO DAIRY. 196 00:12:56,142 --> 00:12:58,878 I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO GET YOU. IT'S RED FOR THE SEASON. 197 00:12:58,944 --> 00:13:01,213 IT'S THE SAME COLOR AS SANTA. >> OKAY, GREAT. 198 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:04,383 >> Stephen: CHEERS. >> THAT LOOKS GROSS. 199 00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:07,153 >> Stephen: I DON'T CARE HOW IT LOOKS. 200 00:13:07,219 --> 00:13:11,991 IT TASTES LIKE CHEER. ( LAUGHTER ) 201 00:13:12,057 --> 00:13:14,894 >> I DO. >> Stephen: YOU'RE AN OLD 202 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,028 VETERAN. >> OH, PRO. 203 00:13:16,095 --> 00:13:20,733 >> Stephen: OF THIS. >> WE'VE COME A LONG WAY SINCE 204 00:13:20,799 --> 00:13:21,834 LAST CHRISTMAS WHEN WE DID THIS IN THE TINY ROOM. 205 00:13:21,901 --> 00:13:24,837 >> MUCH MORE FUN. >> Stephen: SO YOU HAVE THE 206 00:13:24,904 --> 00:13:29,008 CARDS RIGHT THERE. TO REMIND EVERYBODY HERE, 207 00:13:29,074 --> 00:13:33,145 IN "FIRST DRAFTS," I SHOW YOU A CHRISTMAS CARD THAT SOLD IN 208 00:13:33,212 --> 00:13:39,351 STORES, AND THEN YOU WILL GIVE ME THE NEXT CARD. 209 00:13:39,418 --> 00:13:41,487 THE NOT-SO-GOOD FIRST DRAFT. >> GOT IF. 210 00:13:41,554 --> 00:13:42,922 >> Stephen: HAS THE PREMISE BEEN ESTABLISHED? 211 00:13:42,988 --> 00:13:46,258 MAY I HAVE THE FIRST CARD, PLEASE. 212 00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:48,994 HERE'S ONE THAT SAYS, "CHRISTMAS IS FOR SPENDING TIME WITH THE 213 00:13:49,061 --> 00:13:51,497 PEOPLE YOU LOVE. TIDINGS OF JOY TO ONE OF MY 214 00:13:51,564 --> 00:13:54,600 FAVORITES!" THAT'S LOVELY. 215 00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:59,738 >> VERY SWEET. >> Stephen: BUT THE FIRST DRAFT 216 00:13:59,805 --> 00:14:01,073 SAID, "CHRISTMAS IS FOR SPENDING TIME WITH THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE... 217 00:14:01,140 --> 00:14:03,142 SO LET'S JUST CATCH UP IN JANUARY?" 218 00:14:03,209 --> 00:14:05,277 ( LAUGHTER ) IT'S HONEST. 219 00:14:05,344 --> 00:14:10,482 IT'S HONEST. NOW, WE-- I HAVEN'T ASKED FOR IT 220 00:14:10,549 --> 00:14:11,884 YET. WE SET UP OUR CHRISTMAS TREE. 221 00:14:11,951 --> 00:14:13,219 >> WE DID. >> Stephen: THIS WEEKEND. 222 00:14:13,285 --> 00:14:18,791 >> YUP. >> Stephen: AND WE TOYED WITH 223 00:14:18,857 --> 00:14:19,992 THE IDEA OF NOT BRIEFLY. >> I KNOW. 224 00:14:20,059 --> 00:14:22,795 >> AND THERE WAS NO ONE HOME TO DECORATE IT. 225 00:14:22,861 --> 00:14:25,331 BUT MARY -- >> Stephen: MY SISTER CAME IN. 226 00:14:25,397 --> 00:14:27,566 AND WE GOT EACH OTHER VERY ILL. >> YEAH. 227 00:14:27,633 --> 00:14:32,271 >> Stephen: YES, THAT IS THE GIFT OF THE MAJI, I THINK. 228 00:14:32,338 --> 00:14:33,906 >> Stephen: ARE YOU BETTER? YOU FEEL BETTER. 229 00:14:33,973 --> 00:14:37,076 >> Stephen: I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER THAT PEOPLE DIDN'T EVEN 230 00:14:37,142 --> 00:14:38,410 KNOW I WAS SICK. BUT THANK YOU. 231 00:14:38,477 --> 00:14:42,081 >> VERY SICK. >> Stephen: DO YOU WANT TO 232 00:14:42,147 --> 00:14:44,183 GIVE ANY DESCRIPTIONS OF HOW SICK I WAS. 233 00:14:44,250 --> 00:14:46,285 >> THERE WERE TEARS. >> Stephen: THERE WERE ACTUAL 234 00:14:46,352 --> 00:14:48,220 TEARS AND PRAYING FOR DEATH. ( LAUGHTER ). 235 00:14:48,287 --> 00:14:54,960 YOU WERE LIKE A LITTLE BOY-- "WILL I EVER FEEL BETTER?" 236 00:14:55,027 --> 00:14:57,062 >> Stephen: I BELIEVE AT ONE POINT I SAID, "PLEASE DON'T 237 00:14:57,129 --> 00:15:01,133 LEAVE THE ROOM, BUT ALSO DO NOT TALK TO ME." 238 00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:10,843 ( LAUGHTER ) >> YEAH. 239 00:15:10,909 --> 00:15:14,213 >> THAT'S YOU IN A NUTSHELL WHEN YOU'RE NOT FEELING WELL. 240 00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:16,849 >> Stephen: THAT'S ME EXACTLY. WE'LL PROBABLY CUT THIS ENTIRE 241 00:15:16,915 --> 00:15:19,318 STORY OUT. NONE OF THIS WILL MAKE IT TO 242 00:15:19,385 --> 00:15:20,919 AIR. MAY I HAVE THE NEXT ONE PLEASE. 243 00:15:20,986 --> 00:15:22,855 >> YES. >> Stephen: THIS ONE SAYS, 244 00:15:22,921 --> 00:15:24,757 "FELIZ NAVIDAD! WISHING YOU A FANTASTICO HOLIDAY!" 245 00:15:24,823 --> 00:15:27,993 VERY NICE. VERY, VERY NICE. 246 00:15:28,060 --> 00:15:31,864 BUT THE FIRST DRAFT SAID, "FELIZ NAVIDAD... 247 00:15:31,930 --> 00:15:36,335 IS AS FAR AS I GOT ON DUOLINGO. MUCHO SORRY." 248 00:15:36,402 --> 00:15:38,470 ( APPLAUSE ) CHRISTMAS? 249 00:15:38,537 --> 00:15:42,875 WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE FOR CHRISTMAS? 250 00:15:42,941 --> 00:15:45,444 BECAUSE I HAVE NOT GONE SHOPPING FOR YOU AND COULD YOU GIVE ME A 251 00:15:45,511 --> 00:15:48,080 HINT OF WHAT YOU WOULD LIKE FOR CHRISTMAS? 252 00:15:48,147 --> 00:15:49,682 DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU WOULD LIKE FOR CHRISTMAS? 253 00:15:49,748 --> 00:15:53,152 >> NO. JUST FAMILY. 254 00:15:53,218 --> 00:15:54,086 TOGETHER. WONDERFUL, YOU KNOW, EVERYBODY 255 00:15:54,153 --> 00:15:58,257 AROUND THE TABLE FOR DINNER WOULD BE FUN. 256 00:15:58,324 --> 00:16:05,264 >> Audience: OOOO"OO! >> Stephen: I WOULD LIKE A 257 00:16:05,331 --> 00:16:06,065 CAR. ( LAUGHTER ). 258 00:16:06,131 --> 00:16:09,168 BOY. >> Stephen: EXACTLY, EXACTLY. 259 00:16:09,234 --> 00:16:11,503 OR A HESS TRUCK. ONE OF THOSE HESS TRUCKS WOULD 260 00:16:11,570 --> 00:16:12,571 BE FUN. THOSE ARE COOL. 261 00:16:12,638 --> 00:16:15,374 >> DO THEY STILL MAKE THOSE? >> Stephen: THEY DO! 262 00:16:15,441 --> 00:16:19,378 THIS YEAR IT'S GOT A JET IN IT! IT HAS THE THING. 263 00:16:19,445 --> 00:16:23,382 >> 10 TO 15 YEARS IN A ROW. >> Stephen: BUT WE DON'T HAVE 264 00:16:23,449 --> 00:16:25,184 THIS YEAR'S. NO, WE DON'T. 265 00:16:25,250 --> 00:16:29,254 IT HAS A JET IN IT. I'LL NEVER GET OVER WANTING A 266 00:16:29,321 --> 00:16:32,358 HESS TRUCK. HERE'S A CARD THAT SAYS, "THE 267 00:16:32,424 --> 00:16:34,693 GREATEST GIFTS OF ALL ARE THOSE THAT MONEY CAN'T BUY... 268 00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:38,330 FRIENDSHIP, PEACE AND LOVE. MERRY CHRISTMAS." 269 00:16:38,397 --> 00:16:41,767 >> VERY SWEET AND TRUE. >> Stephen: IT'S TRUE. 270 00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:43,369 BUT THE FIRST DRAFT SAID, "THE GREATEST GIFTS OF ALL ARE THOSE 271 00:16:43,435 --> 00:16:45,571 THAT MONEY CAN'T BUY... WHICH IS PRETTY MUCH ANYTHING, 272 00:16:45,637 --> 00:16:47,873 THANKS TO ONGOING SUPPLY CHAIN ISSUES. 273 00:16:47,940 --> 00:16:51,377 I WOULD DROP-KICK RUDOLPH FOR A PS5." 274 00:16:51,443 --> 00:16:57,082 ( APPLAUSE ) HERE'S A NICE ONE. 275 00:16:57,149 --> 00:16:59,385 "ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS... IS YOU!" 276 00:16:59,451 --> 00:17:07,726 >> EE! >> Stephen: BUT THE FIRST DRAFT 277 00:17:07,793 --> 00:17:08,994 SAID, "ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS... 278 00:17:09,061 --> 00:17:10,462 IS YOU! UNLESS YOUR BROTHER'S DIVORCE IS 279 00:17:10,529 --> 00:17:11,463 FINALIZED, THEN I'M GONNA WEIGH MY OPTIONS." 280 00:17:11,530 --> 00:17:13,332 THAT'S NOT VERY NICE. >> THAT'S CREEPY. 281 00:17:13,399 --> 00:17:15,300 >> Stephen: THAT'S WHY IT WAS THE FIRST DRAFT. 282 00:17:15,367 --> 00:17:17,369 THAT'S WHY THEY DIDN'T SELL THAT ONE. 283 00:17:17,436 --> 00:17:20,873 >> DON'T LIKE THAT ONE. HOW DO YOU LIKE MY SPARKLES. 284 00:17:20,939 --> 00:17:23,609 >> Stephen: I LOVE THE SPARKLES. 285 00:17:23,675 --> 00:17:26,545 THE FUNNY THING IS, IT'S SUPER SPARKLE. 286 00:17:26,612 --> 00:17:29,948 >> IT DOESN'T SPARKLE -- >> Stephen: IT DOESN'T SPARKLE 287 00:17:30,015 --> 00:17:34,953 AS MUCH FROM AN ANGLE BUT STRAIGHT ON IT'S A BLINDER. 288 00:17:35,020 --> 00:17:36,422 YOU'RE BLINDINGLY BEAUTIFUL. >> VERY SWEET. 289 00:17:36,488 --> 00:17:37,890 >> Stephen: HOW DO YOU LIKE MY TIE? 290 00:17:37,956 --> 00:17:39,691 >> I LIKE YOUR TIE. >> Stephen: YOU DO? 291 00:17:39,758 --> 00:17:42,494 IT'S THE FIRST NIGHT I'VE WORN IT. 292 00:17:42,561 --> 00:17:47,933 THEY-- THEY LIKED MY TIE. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). 293 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:51,437 IT'S JUST A TIE. OKAY. 294 00:17:51,503 --> 00:17:54,239 HERE'S ANOTHER CLASSIC: "MERRY CHRISTMAS, I SAW MOMMY 295 00:17:54,306 --> 00:18:00,078 KISSING SANTA CLAUS." BUT THE FIRST DRAFT SAID, "MERRY 296 00:18:00,145 --> 00:18:02,381 CHRISTMAS, I SAW MOMMY ASSURING SANTA CLAUS THAT IT HAPPENS TO 297 00:18:02,448 --> 00:18:04,883 ALL GUYS AND IT'S NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF." 298 00:18:04,950 --> 00:18:10,489 ( LAUGHTER ) I DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT ONE. 299 00:18:10,556 --> 00:18:12,758 I DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT ONE. I DON'T UNDERSTAND. 300 00:18:12,825 --> 00:18:15,427 I HAVE NO REFERENCE. >> I'M NOT SAYING A WORD. 301 00:18:15,494 --> 00:18:17,996 >> Stephen: NO, YOU'RE NOT. NO, YOU'RE NOT. 302 00:18:18,063 --> 00:18:20,933 NO, YOU'RE NOT. NO, YOU'RE NOT. 303 00:18:20,999 --> 00:18:23,502 >> HAVE A LITTLE MORE OF THIS. >> Stephen: EXACTLY, THERE YOU 304 00:18:23,569 --> 00:18:28,640 GO. A LITTLE BIT OF THAT. 305 00:18:28,707 --> 00:18:30,108 MMM. MMM. 306 00:18:30,175 --> 00:18:33,212 >> ANNIVERSARY NICE. >> Stephen: VERY NICE. 307 00:18:33,278 --> 00:18:35,147 >> THIS IS THE LAST ONE. THAT MEANS I HAVE TO LEAVE. 308 00:18:35,214 --> 00:18:37,516 >> Stephen: YOU CAN STAY. YOU JUST CAN'T BE ON TV. 309 00:18:37,583 --> 00:18:42,754 ( LAUGHTER ) >> I THINK WE SHOULD GO TO, 310 00:18:42,821 --> 00:18:45,424 LIKE, A PARTY BECAUSE I GOT DRESSED UP. 311 00:18:45,491 --> 00:18:49,561 >> Stephen: LET'S HIT THE CLUB, GIRL. 312 00:18:49,628 --> 00:18:53,332 YOU AND ME AND DAVID ALAN GRIER. >> THE FOAM PIT. 313 00:18:53,398 --> 00:18:55,501 >> Stephen: YOU KNOW WHAT THE FOAM PIT IS. 314 00:18:55,567 --> 00:18:59,137 >> NOT AFTER COVID. YOU CAN'T DO THOSE KINDS OF 315 00:18:59,204 --> 00:19:01,673 THINGS. >> Stephen: NO, THE FOAM IS 316 00:19:01,740 --> 00:19:03,742 ANTIBACTERIAL. YOU HAVE TO STAY IN THE FOAM PIT 317 00:19:03,809 --> 00:19:11,583 FOR TWO "HAPPY BIRTHDAYS." >> OH, GOD. 318 00:19:11,650 --> 00:19:13,085 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 319 00:19:13,151 --> 00:19:17,923 YOU'RE VERY KIND. THIS ONE IS SWEET. 320 00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:19,191 IT SAYS, "OUR FAMILY MAKES THIS GINGERBREAD HOUSE A GINGERBREAD 321 00:19:19,258 --> 00:19:22,594 HOME... I LOVE OUR GREAT BIG 322 00:19:22,661 --> 00:19:28,867 GINGERBREAD BUNCH." >> ANNIVERSARY SWEET. 323 00:19:28,934 --> 00:19:30,068 >> Stephen: BUT THE FIRST DRAFT SAID, "OUR FAMILY MAKES THIS 324 00:19:30,135 --> 00:19:31,570 GINGERBREAD HOUSE A GINGERBREAD HOME... 325 00:19:31,637 --> 00:19:33,238 BUT MAYBE IT'S TIME WE DISCUSS GINGERBIRTH CONTROL." 326 00:19:33,305 --> 00:19:35,040 THANK YOU, MY LOVE. >> YOU'RE WELCOME! 327 00:19:35,107 --> 00:19:42,614 >> Stephen: MERRY CHRISTMAS. THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE 328 00:19:42,681 --> 00:19:46,018 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MUSIC LEGEND STING DOING THE COLBERT 329 00:19:46,084 --> 00:19:46,618 QUESTIONERT. ♪ ♪ ♪ 330 00:19:46,685 --> 00:19:50,656 ( APPLAUSE ) 331 00:20:08,206 --> 00:20:12,144 OH, MY GOODNESS! OH, MY GOODNESS LADIES AND 332 00:20:12,210 --> 00:20:15,147 GENTLEMEN, MY GUEST TONIGHT IS AN INTERNATIONAL ROCK STAR AND A 333 00:20:15,213 --> 00:20:19,217 17-TIME GRAMMY AWARD WINNER. HERE TO TAKE THE COLBERT 334 00:20:19,284 --> 00:20:22,788 QUESTIONERT, PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," STING! 335 00:20:22,854 --> 00:20:37,736 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 336 00:20:37,803 --> 00:20:39,705 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 337 00:20:39,771 --> 00:20:49,948 ( CHEERING ) >> Stephen: IT'S AN AMAZING 338 00:20:50,015 --> 00:20:51,116 BAND. >> THAT'S A FANTASTIC BAND. 339 00:20:51,183 --> 00:20:52,417 >> Stephen: EXTRAORDINARY BAND. 340 00:20:52,484 --> 00:20:55,721 NOW, THEN, STING, YOU KNOW, WE LOVE HAVING YOU ON THE SHOW, 341 00:20:55,787 --> 00:20:58,924 BOTH AS A GUEST AND AS A MUSICAL GUEST. 342 00:20:58,991 --> 00:21:00,726 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). IT'S BEEN MY PRIVILEGE AND MY 343 00:21:00,792 --> 00:21:02,828 HONOR TO SPEAK TO YOU MANY TIMES OVER THE YEARS. 344 00:21:02,894 --> 00:21:05,897 BUT EVEN WITH ALL THE HARD-HITTING QUESTIONS I THROW 345 00:21:05,964 --> 00:21:10,469 AT MY GUESTS, I SOMETIMES DON'T GET TO KNOW THEM AS WELL AS I 346 00:21:10,535 --> 00:21:11,737 WOULD LIKE, YOU KNOW. >> OKAY. 347 00:21:11,803 --> 00:21:15,374 >> Stephen: IT'S JUST A BRIEF MOMENT, TWO SHIPS IN THE NIGHT 348 00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:16,875 NORMALLY SORT OF THING. >> OKAY. 349 00:21:16,942 --> 00:21:21,980 >> Stephen: SO WHAT "THE LATE SHOW" "LABS HAS COME UP WITH A 350 00:21:22,047 --> 00:21:28,854 SERIES OF 15 QUESTIONS THROUGH WHICH I PLUMB THE DEPTHS OF A 351 00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:30,522 GUEST'S SOUL, AT THE END OF WHICH THEY ARE KNOWN. 352 00:21:30,589 --> 00:21:32,624 >> OKAY. >> Stephen: ARE YOU PREPARED-- 353 00:21:32,691 --> 00:21:34,660 >> NOT QUITE. ( LAUGHTER ) 354 00:21:34,726 --> 00:21:39,031 YOURSELF. BECAUSE IT'S TIME FOR THE 355 00:21:39,097 --> 00:21:40,198 COLBERT QUESTIONERT. DO YOU ACCEPT THE CHALLENGE? 356 00:21:40,265 --> 00:21:43,635 >> I AM CONCENTRATING RIGHT NOW. YES. 357 00:21:43,702 --> 00:21:45,837 >> Stephen: HERE WE GO. ♪ ♪ ♪ 358 00:21:45,904 --> 00:21:52,377 ( BELL RINGS ) STING, WHAT IS THE BEST 359 00:21:52,444 --> 00:21:55,514 SANDWICH? >> CLUB. 360 00:21:55,580 --> 00:21:59,051 ( APPLAUSE ). NICE. 361 00:21:59,117 --> 00:22:02,587 WHAT'S THE ONE THING YOU OWN THAT YOU SHOULD REALLY THROW 362 00:22:02,654 --> 00:22:07,626 OUT? >> CAUTION. 363 00:22:07,693 --> 00:22:12,798 ( APPLAUSE ) SCARIEST ANIMAL? 364 00:22:12,864 --> 00:22:16,635 >> A CAT. ( LAUGHTER ) 365 00:22:16,702 --> 00:22:18,770 UP? CAN YOU BACK THAT UP? 366 00:22:18,837 --> 00:22:21,840 >> I HAVE CATS. I'M TERRIFIED OF THEM. 367 00:22:21,907 --> 00:22:25,510 AND SO ARE MY DOGS. >> Stephen: APPLES OR ORANGES? 368 00:22:25,577 --> 00:22:27,546 >> APPLES! ENGLISH APPLES. 369 00:22:27,612 --> 00:22:28,947 >> Stephen: ENGLISH APPLES. >> YES. 370 00:22:29,014 --> 00:22:31,316 I'M ENGLISH. >> Stephen: YEAH. 371 00:22:31,383 --> 00:22:34,319 ( LAUGHTER ) THEIR AUTOGRAPH? 372 00:22:34,386 --> 00:22:39,624 >> I ONLY HAVE ONE AUTOGRAPH. I HAVE FRANK SINATRA'S 373 00:22:39,691 --> 00:22:40,425 AUTOGRAPH. ( APPLAUSE ). 374 00:22:40,492 --> 00:22:43,295 THAT? >> I GOT THAT MAYBE 25 YEARS 375 00:22:43,361 --> 00:22:48,633 AGO. AND HE WROTE, "TO THE NEW BLUE 376 00:22:48,700 --> 00:22:50,168 EYES." BUT I HAVE GREEN EYES. 377 00:22:50,235 --> 00:23:02,347 ( LAUGHTER ) HAPPENS WHEN WE DIE? 378 00:23:02,414 --> 00:23:05,550 >> OH, IT'S ONLY CONJECTURE, BUT I IMAGINE IT'S THE SAME AS IT 379 00:23:05,617 --> 00:23:09,955 WAS BEFORE I WAS HERE. WHICH MAKES IT INCUMBENT UPON US 380 00:23:10,021 --> 00:23:13,759 TO CREATE HEAVEN ON EARTH NOW. AND NOT HELL. 381 00:23:13,825 --> 00:23:21,466 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HERE'S WHERE THE 382 00:23:21,533 --> 00:23:27,706 QUESTIONS GET A LITTLE TOUGHER. FAVORITE ACTION MOVIE. 383 00:23:27,773 --> 00:23:31,676 >> "THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN." ( APPLAUSE ) 384 00:23:31,743 --> 00:23:39,217 >> WINDOW. >> Stephen: WHY WINDOW. 385 00:23:39,284 --> 00:23:41,052 HOLD ON. YOU DON'T MIND GETTING UP TO 386 00:23:41,119 --> 00:23:44,823 BOTHER THE PERSON ON THE AISLE WHEN YOU HAVE TO GO TO THE 387 00:23:44,890 --> 00:23:46,858 BATHROOM? >> I LIKE TO LOOK OUT THE 388 00:23:46,925 --> 00:23:50,495 WINDOW, WATCH THE GROUND BENEATH ME OR THE CLOUDS OR THE STARS. 389 00:23:50,562 --> 00:23:55,700 >> Stephen: FAVORITE SMELL? >> ESPRESSO IN THE MORNING. 390 00:23:55,767 --> 00:24:00,038 ( APPLAUSE ) SMELL? 391 00:24:00,105 --> 00:24:13,151 >> FEAR. ( LAUGHTER ) 392 00:24:13,218 --> 00:24:22,394 USED APP ON YOUR PHONE? >> "THE NEW YORK TIMES." 393 00:24:22,460 --> 00:24:27,799 ( APPLAUSE ) THIS IS-- THIS IS A LITTLE BIT 394 00:24:27,866 --> 00:24:32,437 OF A CALL-BACK, CATS OR DOGS? >> DOGS. 395 00:24:32,504 --> 00:24:34,406 I'M AFRAID OF CATS. ( APPLAUSE ) 396 00:24:34,472 --> 00:24:38,410 SONG TO LISTEN TO FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. 397 00:24:38,476 --> 00:24:45,784 WHAT IS IT? >> "THE SOUND OF SILENCE." 398 00:24:45,851 --> 00:24:52,424 ( APPLAUSE ) GARFUNKEL SONG, OR THE LIRL 399 00:24:52,490 --> 00:24:58,496 SOUND OF SILENCE? >> THE LITERAL SOUND OF SILENCE. 400 00:24:58,563 --> 00:25:01,633 I LIKE PAUL'S SONG, BUT... >> Stephen: STING, WHAT NUMBER 401 00:25:01,700 --> 00:25:02,434 AM I THINKING OF? >> 18. 402 00:25:02,500 --> 00:25:04,536 >> Stephen: NO. >> ARE YOU SURE? 403 00:25:04,603 --> 00:25:08,306 >> Stephen: IT DIVIDES INTO 18. 404 00:25:08,373 --> 00:25:12,611 >> SIX? >> Stephen: NOPE. 405 00:25:12,677 --> 00:25:16,848 ( LAUGHTER ) IN FIVE WORDS. 406 00:25:16,915 --> 00:25:24,456 >> MORE OF THE SAME, PLEASE. ( APPLAUSE ). 407 00:25:24,522 --> 00:25:27,459 KNOWN. CONGRATULATIONS. 408 00:25:27,525 --> 00:25:30,762 HIS ALBUM, "THE BRIDGE," IS OUT NOW. 409 00:25:30,829 --> 00:25:32,864 STING, EVERYBODY. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 410 00:25:32,931 --> 00:25:34,099 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 411 00:25:51,549 --> 00:25:54,486 EVERYBODY. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY GUEST 412 00:25:54,552 --> 00:25:56,288 TONIGHT IS A NEWLY MINTED TONY AWARD-WINNING ACTOR YOU KNOW 413 00:25:56,354 --> 00:25:58,857 FROM "IN LIVING COLOR," "JUMANJI," AND "A SOLDIER'S 414 00:25:58,924 --> 00:26:00,792 PLAY." HE NOW STARS IN THE DRAMA SERIES 415 00:26:00,859 --> 00:26:04,829 "JOE PICKETT." PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE 416 00:26:04,896 --> 00:26:05,664 SHOW," SIR DAVID ALAN GRIER. ♪ ♪ ♪ 417 00:26:05,730 --> 00:26:20,612 ( APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪ 418 00:26:20,679 --> 00:26:35,160 ( APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪ 419 00:26:35,226 --> 00:26:39,097 >> CAN I SIT HERE? >> Stephen: WHATEVER YOU'RE 420 00:26:39,164 --> 00:26:40,899 COMFORTABLE WITH. DEALER'S CHOICE. 421 00:26:40,966 --> 00:26:46,471 >> ARE WE DOING DISTANCING? NO, PLEASE, WON'T YOU PLEASE. 422 00:26:46,538 --> 00:26:54,546 >> DO I LIKE DIFFERENT TO YOU. >> Stephen: WELL, YOU HAVE-- 423 00:26:54,612 --> 00:26:56,648 THERE HAS BEEN ONE CHANGE SINCE YOU LEFT. 424 00:26:56,715 --> 00:26:59,451 >> THERE HAS. >> Stephen: YOU WON A TONY 425 00:26:59,517 --> 00:27:04,556 AWARD. >> YES, I HAVE! 426 00:27:04,622 --> 00:27:06,391 I WASN'T SURE WHY. >> THANK YOU, THANK YOU. 427 00:27:06,458 --> 00:27:08,093 >> Stephen: A LITTLE PEP IN THE STEP. 428 00:27:08,159 --> 00:27:11,296 >> YEAH. YOU KNOW, WHEN I'M AT THE CAR 429 00:27:11,363 --> 00:27:14,933 WASH, I'M LIKE, "CALL ME TONY!" >> Stephen: THIRD-- THIRD 430 00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:15,867 NOMINATION, RIGHT? >> FOURTH. 431 00:27:15,934 --> 00:27:18,370 >> Stephen: FOURTH? >> FOURTH NOMINATION. 432 00:27:18,436 --> 00:27:21,306 >> Stephen: WOW. WE HAVE-- WE ACTUALLY HAVE A 433 00:27:21,373 --> 00:27:23,308 LITTLE CLIP. WE HAVE PART OF-- WE HAVE PART 434 00:27:23,375 --> 00:27:26,544 OF YOUR SPEECH RIGHT HERE. JIM. 435 00:27:26,611 --> 00:27:34,085 >> KENNY LEON, KENNY LEON, KENNY, I DON'T KNOW IF I WAS THE 436 00:27:34,152 --> 00:27:37,822 FIRST CALL OR THE LAST CALL, BROTHER, BUT I'M JUST GLAD YOU 437 00:27:37,889 --> 00:27:40,625 CALLED, BABY! THANK YOU, GUYS. 438 00:27:40,692 --> 00:27:45,030 AND TO THE OTHER NOMINEES, TOUGH BANANAS. 439 00:27:45,096 --> 00:27:48,500 I WON. ( APPLAUSE ) 440 00:27:48,566 --> 00:27:55,440 I LOVE HONESTY. >> , YOU KNOW, IN THAT MOMENT, I 441 00:27:55,507 --> 00:28:05,517 WAS DOWN THE ROAD AND SINCERITY WAS ON ONE SIDE AND 442 00:28:05,583 --> 00:28:08,820 DOUCHE-BAGGERY WAS ON THE OTHER. AND I JUST GRABBED THE WHEEL. 443 00:28:08,887 --> 00:28:11,656 NO, I-- I-- IT REALLY WAS MOVING IN SLOW MOTION. 444 00:28:11,723 --> 00:28:15,727 AND I THOUGHT SHOULD I BE-- SHOULD I SAY THIS THING OR DO 445 00:28:15,794 --> 00:28:18,329 THIS OTHER THING THAT I REALLY WANT TO DO? 446 00:28:18,396 --> 00:28:20,365 SO I JUST-- IT WAS ALL FROM MY HEART. 447 00:28:20,432 --> 00:28:22,434 >> Stephen: NOW, YOU HAVE EMOTIONAL REACTIONS TO THINGS, 448 00:28:22,500 --> 00:28:25,670 BOTH POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE. THERE WAS A POST YOU PUT ON 449 00:28:25,737 --> 00:28:30,442 INSTAGRAM, SOME VIDEO YOU PUT ON INSTAGRAM, BECAUSE YOUR ALMA 450 00:28:30,508 --> 00:28:32,477 MATER, MICHIGAN, RECENTLY BEAT THE OHIO STATE. 451 00:28:32,544 --> 00:28:37,082 >> YOU KNOW WHAT? >> Stephen: UNIVERSITY-- 452 00:28:37,148 --> 00:28:41,286 ( SCREAMS ). >> Stephen: IT WAS. 453 00:28:41,352 --> 00:28:43,788 WE HAVE FOOTAGE. YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL US-- YOU 454 00:28:43,855 --> 00:28:48,960 HAVE TO EXPLAIN THIS, BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL US. 455 00:28:49,027 --> 00:28:52,864 >> WOOOOOO! YEAH! 456 00:28:52,931 --> 00:28:56,768 ( BLEEP ) YEAH! >> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW WHEN 457 00:28:56,835 --> 00:28:58,870 THE LAST TIME WAS I FELT THAT GOOD. 458 00:28:58,937 --> 00:29:00,438 WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU FELT THAT GOOD? 459 00:29:00,505 --> 00:29:05,009 >> WELL, YOU KNOW, I ATTENDED MICHIGAN IN THE 70s, AND THAT 460 00:29:05,076 --> 00:29:08,513 WAS WHEN WE WERE DOMINANT. BUT WE HAVE NOT BEATEN OHIO 461 00:29:08,580 --> 00:29:11,382 STATE, I THINK IN, LIKE, OVER EIGHT YEARS SPP AND WHAT PEOPLE 462 00:29:11,449 --> 00:29:17,856 DON'T UNDERSTAND, THE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN AND OHIO STATE, THEY 463 00:29:17,922 --> 00:29:21,025 ARE OUR ARCH-RIVALS. ARCH-RIVALS. 464 00:29:21,092 --> 00:29:24,162 IN A FOOTBALL SEASON, WE COULD LOSE EVERY SINGLE GAME, BUT IF 465 00:29:24,229 --> 00:29:27,065 YOU BEAT OHIO STATE, THAT'S A SUCCESSFUL SEASON. 466 00:29:27,132 --> 00:29:32,937 ( LAUGHTER ) WE WEREN'T EVEN GOING TO SCORE. 467 00:29:33,004 --> 00:29:37,375 AND WHEN IT FINALLY WON, IT WAS JUST, LIKE-- I MEAN, I GOT A 468 00:29:37,442 --> 00:29:44,949 TONY AND MICHIGAN WON! AAAAHHHH! 469 00:29:45,016 --> 00:29:46,484 IT WAS SO... >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A 470 00:29:46,551 --> 00:29:48,953 QUICK BREAK. BUT WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH 471 00:29:49,020 --> 00:29:50,622 MORE DAVID ALAN GRIER, EVERYBODY. 472 00:29:50,688 --> 00:29:54,526 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 473 00:30:19,817 --> 00:30:22,153 ( APPLAUSE ). DAVID ALAN GRIER. 474 00:30:22,220 --> 00:30:23,755 DAVID, WHERE DO YOU HAVE THE TONY? 475 00:30:23,821 --> 00:30:26,357 WHERE DO YOU KEEP IT? >> RIGHT NOW IT'S IN THE TONY 476 00:30:26,424 --> 00:30:31,029 BOX, AND IT'S UP ABOVE MY FIREPLACE, BECAUSE I HAVE DOGS, 477 00:30:31,095 --> 00:30:34,098 VERY LARGE -- >> Stephen: SURE, SURE. 478 00:30:34,165 --> 00:30:36,568 >> DOGS, AND EVERYTHING IS A PLAY TOY. 479 00:30:36,634 --> 00:30:39,938 WHAT HAPPENED IS, LIKE, SO I WENT BACK AND, YOU KNOW, WHEN I 480 00:30:40,004 --> 00:30:42,307 WAS GIVING THE SPEECH AND YOU SEE PEOPLE LOOKING AT THE AWARD 481 00:30:42,373 --> 00:30:45,610 LIKE, "OH, MY NEW FRIEND," I WAS LOOKING FOR MY NAME. 482 00:30:45,677 --> 00:30:48,546 AND THERE'S NO NAME ON IT. AND I WAS LIKE, OKAY, WELL. 483 00:30:48,613 --> 00:30:51,950 AND AS SOON AS YOU GO BACKSTAGE, THEY TAKE THE AWARD FROM YOU, 484 00:30:52,016 --> 00:30:55,887 AND THAT'S NOT YOUR AWARD. "WE'RE GOING TO INSCRIBE IT AND 485 00:30:55,954 --> 00:30:59,958 SEND IT TO YOU." SO, LIKE, A MONTH LATER, THEY 486 00:31:00,024 --> 00:31:04,262 SEND A BOX THAT HAD NO MARKINGS, YOU KNOW, BECAUSE OF THE TONY 487 00:31:04,329 --> 00:31:05,530 THIEVES. THEY-- THEY DON'T SAY -- 488 00:31:05,597 --> 00:31:08,900 >> Stephen: OH, NEW YORK. BANDS OF TONY THIEVES. 489 00:31:08,967 --> 00:31:10,702 THEY ROAM THE STREETS. SURE, SURE. 490 00:31:10,768 --> 00:31:14,305 >> IT WAS A BOX, AND I THOUGHT IT WAS, LIKE, AN UNWISE eBAY 491 00:31:14,372 --> 00:31:17,842 PURCHASE, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? SO I JUST THREW IT IN MY CAR. 492 00:31:17,909 --> 00:31:21,613 IT WAS THERE FOR A FEW DAYS. THEN I THREW IT IN THE LAUNDRY 493 00:31:21,679 --> 00:31:23,982 ROOM. MY DOG CHEWED PART OF THE BOX. 494 00:31:24,048 --> 00:31:29,153 I KICKED IT OUT OF THE WAY. SO WHEN I FINALLY OPENED IT, IT 495 00:31:29,220 --> 00:31:32,890 WAS BROKEN. THE SPINNER WAS GONE. 496 00:31:32,957 --> 00:31:36,527 AND I'M A GUARD WITH THAT. I'M LIKE, YOU'RE NOT GOING BACK. 497 00:31:36,594 --> 00:31:42,066 I SHOVED THAT THING IN THERE, AND I FIX THE SPINNER AND NOW 498 00:31:42,133 --> 00:31:43,701 IT'S ALL GOOD. >> Stephen: THAT'S GOOD. 499 00:31:43,768 --> 00:31:45,436 A ROLLER COASTER OF EMOTIONS. >> IT WAS. 500 00:31:45,503 --> 00:31:47,839 >> Stephen: IT REALLY WAS. WANT TO ASK ME WHAT? 501 00:31:47,905 --> 00:31:51,676 >> WELL, I KNOW, STEVE, IT'S PROBABLY DIFFICULT FOR YOU, 502 00:31:51,743 --> 00:31:53,945 SITTING NEXT TO A TONY WINNER LIKE MYSELF. 503 00:31:54,012 --> 00:31:57,582 >> Stephen: YES. >> HAVE YOU-- HAVE YOU EVER... 504 00:31:57,649 --> 00:32:02,086 IT'S A RIDICULOUS QUESTION. HAVE YOU EVER WON A TONY? 505 00:32:02,153 --> 00:32:04,455 >> Stephen: NO, I HAVE NEVER, I HAVE NEVER WON A TONY. 506 00:32:04,522 --> 00:32:06,591 >> I KNOW. >> Stephen: I DON'T HAVE-- I 507 00:32:06,658 --> 00:32:08,693 DON'T HAVE ROOM WITH MY 11 EMMYS. 508 00:32:08,760 --> 00:32:12,697 HAVE YOU EVER WON AN EMMY? I DON'T KNOW... 509 00:32:12,764 --> 00:32:19,170 ( APPLAUSE ) IMPORTANT AS MY TWO GRAMMYS, BUT 510 00:32:19,237 --> 00:32:21,939 I WAS WONDERING WHETHER IF YOU'VE WON ANY PEABODYS, BECAUSE 511 00:32:22,006 --> 00:32:24,642 I HAVE FIVE OF THOSE. AND I'M JUST WONDERING-- 512 00:32:24,709 --> 00:32:28,279 >> WELL, THAT'S GREAT. YOU KNOW, CONGRATULATIONS. 513 00:32:28,346 --> 00:32:30,348 >> Stephen: THANKS VERY MUCH. >> YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW IF 514 00:32:30,415 --> 00:32:37,822 YOU'RE AWARE OF THIS, BUT THE TONY AWARD IS THE MOST DIFFICULT 515 00:32:37,889 --> 00:32:40,958 AWARD... ( LAUGHTER ) 516 00:32:41,025 --> 00:32:44,028 >> ARE YOU GOING TO EDIT THAT OUT. 517 00:32:44,095 --> 00:32:47,632 >> Stephen: WHAT? >> I WAS GOING TO SAY, EXCUSE 518 00:32:47,699 --> 00:32:48,966 ME. THE TONY AWARD IS THE MOST 519 00:32:49,033 --> 00:32:53,338 DIFFICULT AWARD TO WIN. AND STATISTICALLY, THERE'S, 520 00:32:53,404 --> 00:32:56,708 LIKE, THE EMMY IS THE EASIEST, AND THEN THE PEABODYS ARE 521 00:32:56,774 --> 00:32:57,508 REALLY... ( LAUHTER ) 522 00:32:57,575 --> 00:33:00,178 >> BUT I MEAN, YOU KNOW, GOOD LUCK. 523 00:33:00,244 --> 00:33:01,713 >> Stephen: THANKS VERY MUCH, THANKS VERY MUCH. 524 00:33:01,779 --> 00:33:04,515 I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING THAT YOU'VE SUPPORTED 525 00:33:04,582 --> 00:33:07,318 FOR A LONG TIME THAT A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T KNOW ABOUT. 526 00:33:07,385 --> 00:33:11,789 THAT IS THE PUBLIC WEARING OF OVERALLS. 527 00:33:11,856 --> 00:33:13,024 >> LISTEN. -- 528 00:33:13,091 --> 00:33:16,594 -->> Stephen: I DID NOT KNOW THAT YOU WERE IN THE LIFESTYLE. 529 00:33:16,661 --> 00:33:18,830 WHAT IS IT ABOUT OVERALLS THAT, YOU KNOW, YOU LOVE? 530 00:33:18,896 --> 00:33:20,765 WHAT IS IT ABOUT IT THAT APPEALS TO YOU? 531 00:33:20,832 --> 00:33:24,736 >> IT'S AN ADULT ONESY. LOOK AT IT. 532 00:33:24,802 --> 00:33:28,239 IT'S LIKE BABY CLOTHES FOR OLD PEOPLE. 533 00:33:28,306 --> 00:33:30,508 BUT -- >> Stephen: DO THESE JEANS GO 534 00:33:30,575 --> 00:33:33,678 ALL THE WAY UP AND STRAP OVER YOUR SHOULDER. 535 00:33:33,745 --> 00:33:37,415 >> I TOLD THE EXECUTIVE PRODUCER, "I GOT OVERALLS HERE." 536 00:33:37,482 --> 00:33:39,884 HE SAID, "THAT'S OKAY, THAT'S OKAY. 537 00:33:39,951 --> 00:33:41,853 JUST LEAVE THEM THERE. WE WANT YOU." 538 00:33:41,919 --> 00:33:43,721 >> Stephen: WHEN DID THIS START? 539 00:33:43,788 --> 00:33:48,025 >> WHEN I WAS IN COLLEGE, MAN. THAT WAS THE 70s SO I WAS, YOU 540 00:33:48,092 --> 00:33:51,095 KNOW, YOUNG HIPSTER, HIPPIE, BLACK HIPPIE DUDE, EVERYBODY IS 541 00:33:51,162 --> 00:33:52,730 WEARING OVERALLS AND PAINTER PANTS. 542 00:33:52,797 --> 00:33:55,166 AND I GOT OLDER AND I REDISCOVERED THEM. 543 00:33:55,233 --> 00:33:58,069 AND I STARTED WEARING THEM. BUT IT'S A WHOLE DIFFERENT VIBE 544 00:33:58,136 --> 00:34:00,772 NOW WITH THE BEARD AND -- >> Stephen: THEY'RE THE 545 00:34:00,838 --> 00:34:06,110 SLIPPER OF THE ENTIRE BODY. >> WELL, I MEAN, I LOOK MORE... 546 00:34:06,177 --> 00:34:11,516 LIKE AN EXTRA FROM "TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD." 547 00:34:11,582 --> 00:34:14,051 AT THIS POINT IT'S A LITTLE DIFFERENT AESTHETIC. 548 00:34:14,118 --> 00:34:19,857 ABOUT TWO YEARS AGO, IT WAS A HAL-- HALLOWEEN, AND I WAS WITH 549 00:34:19,924 --> 00:34:22,460 MY YOUNG DAUGHTER. AND SHE WAS IN HER OUTFIT. 550 00:34:22,527 --> 00:34:27,398 SHE WAS LIKE A... A... A JAPANESE ANIME CHARACTER. 551 00:34:27,465 --> 00:34:32,837 SO WE WENT TO THIS TEE SHOP, AND THE YOUNG BLOND HIPSTER GOES, "I 552 00:34:32,904 --> 00:34:36,808 LOVE YOU GUYS' COSTUMES. ARE YOU A FARMER?" 553 00:34:36,874 --> 00:34:39,410 AND I WAS LIKE... "NO, I'M NOT. 554 00:34:39,477 --> 00:34:42,113 I'M NOT A FARMER. IT'S NOT A COSTUME. 555 00:34:42,180 --> 00:34:44,549 THIS IS WHAT I WEAR." ( LAUGHTER ) 556 00:34:44,615 --> 00:34:48,820 IT'S BEEN PAINFUL, BUT I'M GOING TO STAY MY GROUND. 557 00:34:48,886 --> 00:34:53,324 AND ALSO WHAT YOU MISTAKEN TO SAY, STEPHEN THE REASON WHY THAT 558 00:34:53,391 --> 00:34:56,360 PICTURE WAS PUBLISHED IS BECAUSE I AM A FASHION GOD. 559 00:34:56,427 --> 00:34:58,996 ( LAUGHTER ). YOU'RE A FASHION ICON. 560 00:34:59,063 --> 00:35:05,603 >> TELL THEM WHY! IT'S NOT JUST ME. 561 00:35:05,670 --> 00:35:08,906 "GQ" MAGAZINE SAID I'M A FASHION GOD! 562 00:35:08,973 --> 00:35:12,577 ( APPLAUSE ) TELL THEM! 563 00:35:12,643 --> 00:35:16,881 >> Stephen: "GQ" MAGAZINE SAID HE'S A FASHION GOD. 564 00:35:16,948 --> 00:35:19,183 IT'S TRUE. OUR FACT CHECKERS CHECKED ON 565 00:35:19,250 --> 00:35:21,285 THAT. >> I'M NOT MAKING THIS UP. 566 00:35:21,352 --> 00:35:23,054 THEY THINK IT'S ALL FUNNY. IT'S NOT. 567 00:35:23,120 --> 00:35:25,756 I'M A FASHION GOD. >> Stephen:IMENT TO MAKE YOU 568 00:35:25,823 --> 00:35:28,459 ASSURED-- NOT ALL OF IT IS FUNNY. 569 00:35:28,526 --> 00:35:31,562 TELL ME ABOUT "JOE PICKETT." IT'S A DRAMA. 570 00:35:31,629 --> 00:35:39,170 WE'RE GETTING SOME DRAMA FROM SIR DAVID ALAN, TONY WINNER. 571 00:35:39,237 --> 00:35:44,876 >> "JOE PICKETT" IS ABOUT A GAME WARDEN, AND I'M THE OLDER 572 00:35:44,942 --> 00:35:49,447 RETIRING GAME WARDEN. MY NAME IS VERN DUN BEGAN, AND 573 00:35:49,514 --> 00:35:53,484 IT'S IN WYOMING AND IT'S ALL ABOUT LAND RIGHTS AND DIRTY 574 00:35:53,551 --> 00:35:55,720 DEALING AND SHADY POACHERS AD MURDERS. 575 00:35:55,786 --> 00:35:56,888 >> Stephen: DO YOU MURDER ANYONE? 576 00:35:56,954 --> 00:35:58,890 >> I CAN'T TELL YOU. I CAN'T TELL YOU. 577 00:35:58,956 --> 00:36:01,092 >> Stephen: YOU MURDER SOMEONE. 578 00:36:01,158 --> 00:36:04,629 THAT MEANS YOU MURDER SOMEONE. >> NO, BUT IT'S THE BEST BECAUSE 579 00:36:04,695 --> 00:36:09,534 I PLAY A GUY WHO'S A SCUMBAG, AND, YOU KNOW, YOU WOULD 580 00:36:09,600 --> 00:36:13,137 PROBABLY SAY, "DUUH!" BUT, YOU KNOW. 581 00:36:13,204 --> 00:36:16,874 IT WAS REALLY FUN. I MEAN, IT'S A TOTALLY DIFFERENT 582 00:36:16,941 --> 00:36:19,443 ROLE. THESE BROTHERS, THE DOWDLES, ARE 583 00:36:19,510 --> 00:36:22,246 THEIR NAMES. WE HAD OUR ZOOM MEETING. 584 00:36:22,313 --> 00:36:29,487 AND I'M, LIKE, "WHY DO YOU WANT ME TO PLAY THIS DAFTERDLY GUY?" 585 00:36:29,554 --> 00:36:33,324 AND THEY TALKED ME INTO IT. WE WERE IN CALGARY FOR, LIKE, 586 00:36:33,391 --> 00:36:34,425 SIX MONTHS. >> Stephen: CANADA. 587 00:36:34,492 --> 00:36:37,628 >> YEAH, AND THEY IMMEDIATELY SHUT DOWN THE COUNTRY. 588 00:36:37,695 --> 00:36:38,663 >> Stephen: AS SOON AS YOU GOT THERE. 589 00:36:38,729 --> 00:36:40,965 >> OF COURSE. YEAH, I WAS CALLING HOME LIKE, 590 00:36:41,032 --> 00:36:45,002 YOU KNOW, DADDY'S NOT IN JAIL, HONEY. 591 00:36:45,069 --> 00:36:47,538 I'LL BE HOME IN TWO WEEKS. THAT PART SUCKED. 592 00:36:47,605 --> 00:36:50,942 BUT THE WORK WAS AMAZING. SO-- AND IT LOOKS REALLY GOOD. 593 00:36:51,008 --> 00:36:52,610 >> Stephen: IS IT BEAUTIFUL UP THERE? 594 00:36:52,677 --> 00:36:55,346 I'VE NEVER BEEN UP THAT HIGH IN CANADA. 595 00:36:55,413 --> 00:37:00,151 >> IT IS, BUT WHEN YOU'RE DEPRESSED AND DRINKING A LOT... 596 00:37:00,217 --> 00:37:03,554 ( LAUGHTER ) MUCH. 597 00:37:03,621 --> 00:37:06,624 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: WHEN YOU'RE NOT-- 598 00:37:06,691 --> 00:37:10,394 WHEN YOU'RE DEPRESSED AND DRINKING A LOT, HOW MUCH ARE YOU 599 00:37:10,461 --> 00:37:17,034 WEARING UNDER THE OVERALLS? OR IS IT NO SHOES, NO SHIRT? 600 00:37:17,101 --> 00:37:19,103 NO SUBSTRATE.3 WHAT IS GOING ON? 601 00:37:19,170 --> 00:37:23,207 >> I WAS REALLY WEARING-- WELL BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, IT WAS A 602 00:37:23,274 --> 00:37:25,610 PANDEMIC, SO, YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU DO A MOVIE, YOU BASICALLY WEAR 603 00:37:25,676 --> 00:37:27,545 YOUR CLOTHES JUST TO GET TO THE SET. 604 00:37:27,612 --> 00:37:29,280 >> Stephen: 100%. >> AND THEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF 605 00:37:29,347 --> 00:37:31,515 FOR THE REST OF THE DAY. >> Stephen: THEY DON'T REALLY 606 00:37:31,582 --> 00:37:32,683 GET SOILED. >> EXACTLY. 607 00:37:32,750 --> 00:37:36,420 AND YOU RIDE HOME. SO IT WAS JUST THE FASHION SHOW 608 00:37:36,487 --> 00:37:39,890 FOR MY DRIVER AND THAT WALK FROM THE CAR TO THE TRAILER. 609 00:37:39,957 --> 00:37:42,793 SO, YEAH, I DID HEAVY ON THE OVERALLS. 610 00:37:42,860 --> 00:37:46,964 I THINK I TOOK FOUR PAIR. IT WAS JUST OVER -REPRESENTED. 611 00:37:47,031 --> 00:37:49,100 >> Stephen: I THINK I MIGHT WANT SOME OVERALLS FOR CHRISTMAS 612 00:37:49,166 --> 00:37:52,003 AT THIS POINT. >> HOLD ON. 613 00:37:52,069 --> 00:37:57,041 I THINK SANTA'S GONNA SURPRISE YOU. 614 00:37:57,108 --> 00:38:02,346 ( LAUGHTER ) A GOOD SANTA RIGHT NOW? 615 00:38:02,413 --> 00:38:05,082 SECOND TONY. SECOND TONY. 616 00:38:05,149 --> 00:38:08,986 >> I'LL PLAY THE BAD SANTA. I'LL PLAY THE BAD SANTA. 617 00:38:09,053 --> 00:38:11,922 BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? >> Stephen: YES, DAVID ALAN 618 00:38:11,989 --> 00:38:14,525 GRIER. >> I WANT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING, 619 00:38:14,592 --> 00:38:15,893 MAN. JERRY O'CONNELL WAS IN THE PLAY 620 00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:18,696 WITH ME. SO AFTER THE FIRST TABLE READ, 621 00:38:18,763 --> 00:38:21,699 HE SAID, "DAVID, YOU'RE GOING TO WIN A TONY FOR THIS." 622 00:38:21,766 --> 00:38:23,868 >> Stephen: LITERALLY, DAY ONE? 623 00:38:23,934 --> 00:38:27,672 >> YES. AND I SAID, "DUDE, SHUT UP. 624 00:38:27,738 --> 00:38:31,208 YOU'RE GOING TO RUIN IT." YOU KNOW, "YOU CAN'T SAY THAT." 625 00:38:31,275 --> 00:38:34,945 SO LITERALLY EVERY DAY, JERRY WOULD SAY AT SOME POINT, "YOU 626 00:38:35,012 --> 00:38:37,081 ARE GOING TO WIN A TONY FOR THIS." 627 00:38:37,148 --> 00:38:41,052 AND I WOULD BE LIKE, "JUST SHUT UP!" 628 00:38:41,118 --> 00:38:43,988 SO THIS WENT ON THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE RUN. 629 00:38:44,055 --> 00:38:48,893 SO THE NIGHT OF THE TONYS, I POSTED-- I SAID, "JERRY 630 00:38:48,959 --> 00:38:52,363 O'CONNELL TOLD ME EVERY DAY I WAS GOING TO WIN THIS AWARD. 631 00:38:52,430 --> 00:38:57,101 LOOK AT GOD." SO HE REPOSTED IT. 632 00:38:57,168 --> 00:39:02,807 AND HE POSTED MY-- MY PHONE NUMBER BY MISTAKE. 633 00:39:02,873 --> 00:39:04,508 NOW, THIS WENT OUT -- >> Stephen: BY MISTAKE? 634 00:39:04,575 --> 00:39:10,748 >> YEAH, THIS WENT OUT-- SO MY AWARD WAS THE FIRST AWARD OF AN 635 00:39:10,815 --> 00:39:15,753 OVER-THREE-HOUR BROADCAST, SO AS I SAT THERE, I GOT HUNDREDS AND 636 00:39:15,820 --> 00:39:19,557 HUNDREDS OF TEXTS AND PHONE CALLS. 637 00:39:19,623 --> 00:39:25,162 SO I THOUGHT THIS IS GOING TO BE THE CRUELEST LISTEN -BACK, 638 00:39:25,229 --> 00:39:27,098 BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL GOING TO BE TROLZ. 639 00:39:27,164 --> 00:39:33,070 BUT WHAT HAPPENED WAS, IT WAS ALL LOVE. 640 00:39:33,137 --> 00:39:38,509 PEOPLE CALLED AND SAY SAID-- THIS ONE GUY CALLED AND SAID, 641 00:39:38,576 --> 00:39:41,712 "YO, MAN, THIS IS MATT FROM MAINE. 642 00:39:41,779 --> 00:39:43,948 I WAS GOING TO CALL AND TALK ( BLEEP ). 643 00:39:44,014 --> 00:39:45,149 I LOVE YOU MAN. I LOVE YOU!" 644 00:39:45,216 --> 00:39:48,519 SO IT WAS-- IT TURNED OUT TO BE THE BEST THING. 645 00:39:48,586 --> 00:39:53,858 ( APPLAUSE ) MY BED IN MY UNDERWEAR AT 2 :00 646 00:39:53,924 --> 00:39:57,161 IN THE MORNING JUST CRYING, READING THESE TEXTS BECAUSE THEY 647 00:39:57,228 --> 00:39:59,463 WERE ALL LOVE. AND IT WAS GREAT. 648 00:39:59,530 --> 00:40:02,266 IT WAS AMAZING. >> Stephen: WHO DOESN'T LOVE 649 00:40:02,333 --> 00:40:08,105 DAVID ALAN GRIER, MAN? >> MY STUDENT LOAN OFFICER. 650 00:40:08,172 --> 00:40:13,144 >> Stephen: NATIONAL TREASURE, TONY AWARD WINNER, DAVID ALAN 651 00:40:13,210 --> 00:40:16,180 GRIER. "JOE PICKETT" IS AVAILABLE ON 652 00:40:16,247 --> 00:40:18,415 SPECTRUM NOW. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 653 00:40:18,482 --> 00:40:18,983 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 654 00:40:25,422 --> 00:40:28,359 LATE SHOW." TUNE IN NEXT WEEK WHEN I'LL BE 655 00:40:28,425 --> 00:40:32,062 JOINED BY KEANU REEVES, HENRY CAVILL, AND DENZEL WASHINGTON. 656 00:40:32,129 --> 00:40:33,130 GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY!