A SECURE VIDEO CALL WITH RUSSIAN
PRESIDENT VLADIMIR PUTIN, AND THIS IS A CALL, OF COURSE, THAT
COMES AS THE U.S. INTEL COMMUNITY WARNS RUSSIA IS
PREPARING TO INVADE UKRAINE AS SOON AS NEXT MONTH.
>> WELCOME TO THIS HISTORIC ZOOM
SUMMIT BETWEEN AMERICAN PRESIDENT BIDEN AND RUSSIAN
PRESIDENT PUTIN. WELCOME, GENTLEMEN.
PRESIDENT BIDEN, PERHAPS IF YOU BACK AWAY FROM THE SCREEN JUST
A BIT. >> HOLD ON.
>> WHILE WE SORT THAT OUT, PRESIDENT PUTIN, WHY DON'T YOU
BEGIN. SIR, YOU ARE ON MUTE.
SILL ON MUTE. PRESIDENT BIDEN, YOU'RE WEARING
A PANDA FILTER. PRESIDENT PUTIN, IT LOOKS LIKE
YOU ACCIDENTALLY SHARED YOUR SCREEN.
OKAY, WE'RE BACK. PRESIDENT BIDEN, I BELIEVE YOUR
VIDEO IS FROZEN ( SNORING )
MUTE. AND THAT CONCLUDES OUR SUMMIT.
GOOD LUCK, UKRAINE.
>> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
TONIGHT: THE BEST IS YET TO COME.
PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES: KRISTIN DAVIS
AND CYNTHIA NIXON AND MUSICAL GUEST GLASS ANIMALS
FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY
HUMAN.
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK
CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: OH, WOW!
WOOO! ( APPLAUSE ).
HEY! WELCOME, ONE AND ALL.
ISN'T THAT PLEASANT? >>.THAT PLEASANT.
HAVE A SEAT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
IN HERE, OUT THERE, ALL AROUND THE WORLD.
WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW." I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HOW NICE.
I'M GLAD YOU ALL SEEM TO BE IN A GOOD MOOD.
IT HAS BEEN A TENSE COUPLE OF YEARS, WHAT WITH THE PANDEMIC,
THE NEAR FALL OF DEMOCRACY, AND ME RECENTLY FINDING OUT THAT
SCOOBY-DOO WASN'T THE DOG WHO SAID, "RUH-ROH."
IT'S ASTRO. LOOK IT UP.
WHAT ELSE DON'T I KNOW? WAS I ADOPTED?
( LAUGHTER ) LOOK LIKE THEY'RE EASING ANYTIME
SOON. EXHIBIT A: VLADIMIR PUTIN HAS
STATIONED TENS OF THOUSANDS OF RUSSIAN TROOPS ALONG THE
UKRAINIAN BORDER, AND UKRAINE IS A DEMOCRATIC ALLY WHOSE SECURITY
AMERICA HAS PROMISED TO DEFEND. RUH-ROH.
( LAUGHTER ) AT THE PRECIPICE OF WAR BETWEEN
TWO NUCLEAR-ARMED POWERS. TO DE-ESCALATE TENSION, TODAY,
BIDEN AND PUTIN TALKED ABOUT UKRAINE IN A VIDEO CALL.
MAKES SENSE-- THE ONLY WAY TO RESOLVE A DELICATE SITUATION
THAT REQUIRES CRYSTAL-CLEAR COMMUNICATION IS TWO OLD MEN ON
A ZOOM. ( LAUGHTER )
CALL YET, WE DO NOT KNOW THE RESULTS OF THIS CALL YET,
BUT BIDEN DID MAKE IT CLEAR THAT IF RUSSIA INVADES, THE U.S. AND
OUR ALLIES WOULD RESPOND WITH STRONG ECONOMIC AND OTHER
MEASURES. I KNOW WE'RE TRYING TO AVOID A
HOT WAR HERE, BUT THOSE ARE SOME PRETTY VAGUE THREATS.
"SON, IF YOU THROW A PARTY WHEN YOUR MOTHER AND I ARE OUT OF
TOWN, WE WILL RESPOND WITH STRONG REACTIONS AND EMOTIONS
T.B.D.!" ( LAUGHTER )
FIRM. IT'S UNCLEAR WHAT HAPPENS NEXT,
BUT AT THE END OF THE CALL, "THE TWO PRESIDENTS TASKED THEIR
TEAMS TO FOLLOW UP." ( AS PUTIN )
WE WILL HAVE OUR PEOPLE FOLLOW YOUR PEOPLE-- I MEAN FOLLOW UP.
PERHAPS THEY TALK ABOUT IT OVER A NICE BOWL OF POISON-- I MEAN
SOUP! AND WE ALL KNOW BEST PLACE TO
ENJOY SOUP IS NEAR WINDOW. ( LAUGHTER )
THESE POISON UNDERPANTS-- I MEAN SOUP UNDERPANTS."
( LAUGHTER ) RISING TENSIONS WITH RUSSIA WILL
LEAD TO WORLD WAR III WITH RUSSIA, DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.
IT'S GONNA BE WORLD WAR III WITH CHINA, AND WE GOT A PREVIEW
YESTERDAY. YOU SEE, THE 2020 TOKYO SUMMER
OLYMPICS ENDED JUST FOUR MONTHS AGO.
SO, NATURALLY, THE 2022 BEIJING WINTER OLYMPICS WILL
START IN A LITTLE UNDER TWO MONTHS, BECAUSE THANKS TO COVID,
TIME DOESN'T EXIST ANYMORE. ( LAUGHTER )
BE HELD CONCURRENTLY, AND TOM BRADY HAS WON THEM ALL.
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERING )
SO WINTER GAMES, THAT'S ALWAYS AMERICA CLEANS UP WITH THE
MEDALS. EXCEPT NOT ALL AMERICANS WILL BE
MAKING THE TRIP TO CHINA, BECAUSE THE BIDEN ADMINISTRATION
ANNOUNCED THAT DUE TO CHINA'S HUMAN RIGHTS ATROCITIES AGAINST
THE UYGHURS, THE U.S. WILL NOT SEND ANY DIPLOMATIC OR OFFICIAL
REPRESENTATION TO THE 2022 WINTER OLYMPIC GAMES.
BUT NOW WHO'S GOING TO COMPETE IN THE FOUR-MAN AMBASSADOR
BOBSLED? ( LAUGHTER )
HUMAN RIGHTS ABUSES ARE UNCONSCIONABLE, AND THE
PRESIDENT IS DOING THE RIGHT THING BY DRAWING A LINE.
AND WITH THAT IN MIND, I WOULD LIKE TO ANNOUNCE TONIGHT THAT
CBS WILL BE THE OFFICIAL NETWORK OF NOT WATCHING THE OLYMPIC
WE ARE NOT, NOT, NO, NO! ( APPLAUSE )
STAND! CBS WILL NOT BE BROADCASTING ANY
OF THE ACTION, AND THAT'S SOLELY BECAUSE WE CARE ABOUT HUMAN
RIGHTS, AND NOT BECAUSE WE WERE OUTBID BY ANOTHER NETWORK EVERY
YEAR FOR THE LAST 20 YEARS. SO FORGET THE OLYMPICS.
THE ONLY MARATHON YOU NEED TO WORRY ABOUT IS BACK-TO- BACK
RERUNS OF "BLUE BLOODS." THOUGH, I HEAR TOM SELLECK'S
MUSTACHE CAN BE USED AS ONE OF THOSE CURLING BRUSHES.
( LAUGHTER ) IN STATE-OWNED MEDIA: "TO BE
HONEST, THE CHINESE ARE RELIEVED TO HEAR THE NEWS, BECAUSE THE
FEWER U.S. OFFICIALS COME, THE FEWER VIRUSES WILL BE BROUGHT
IN." HEY, HEY, CHINA, NOT COOL!
NO ONE KNOWS EXACTLY HOW THE VIRUS EMERGED, BUT WE KNOW IT
DIDN'T START HERE. THE ONLY WET MARKET WE HAVE IN
AMERICA IS THAT SUBWAY STATION WITH A LADY SELLING CHURROS
UNDER THE MYSTERY DRIP. ( LAUGHTER )
SO TENSIONS BETWEEN THE U.S. AND CHINA AND RUSSIA ARE RISING.
BUT IT'S NOT ALL DOOM AND GLOOM. SOME OF IT IS DOOM AND DATA.
BECAUSE IN ANTICIPATION OF GLOBAL CLIMATE CATASTROPHE,
EARTH IS GETTING A BLACK BOX TO RECORD EVENTS THAT LEAD TO THE
DOWNFALL OF CIVILIZATION. WELL, WHY DON'T THEY MAKE THE
WHOLE PLANET OUT OF THE BLACK BOX, AM I RIGHT?
HA-HA, WE'RE DOOMED. THE GOAL OF THIS BLACK BOX IS TO
USE STORAGE DRIVES TO PROVIDE A RECORD FOR FUTURE CIVILIZATIONS
TO UNDERSTAND WHAT CAUSED OUR DEMISE, BY RECORDING "EVERY STEP
WE TAKE" TOWARDS CLIMATE CATASTROPHE.
AND WE HAVE A STATEMENT FROM THE DESIGNER OF THE BLACK BOX.
♪ EVERY GAME YOU PLAY EVERY NIGHT YOU STAY.
>> BLACK BOX ♪ WE'LL BE WATCHING YOU ♪
>> Stephen: HE WAS APPARENTLY SINGING INSIDE THE BLACK BOX.
I HAVE A BONE TO PICK: THIS IS ALL ASSUMING FUTURE GENERATIONS
WILL KNOW HOW TO ACCESS OUR OLD TECHNOLOGY.
I CAN'T FIND THE DONGLE FOR MY DIGITAL CAMERA FROM 2008.
THAT TRIP TO ANTIGUA? GONE.
DESIGNERS SAY THE BLACK BOX WILL BE A MONOLITH ABOUT THE SIZE OF
A CITY BUS, MADE OF THREE-INCH-THICK STEEL, AND
PLACED IN AN OPEN FIELD IN AUSTRALIA.
REALLY? AUSTRALIA?
YOU KNOW ABOUT AUSTRALIA, RIGHT? ( WITH AUSTRALIAN ACCENT )
CRIKEY, LOOKS LIKE IT'S COVERED IN A MIST OF SPIDERS.
NOW IT'S BEING CARRIED OFF BY MILLIONS OF CANNIBAL CRABS.
BETTER HEAD INDOORS. IT'S STARTING TO RAIN SNAKES.
DON'T WORRY, HAPPENS EVERY HOUR DURING RAINY SNAKE SEASON.
NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I HAVE TO FIGHT THIS WALLABY!
PUT EM' UP, POUCHY!" 2340U--
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THE PROJECT IS A COLLABORATION
BETWEEN A MARKETING COMMUNICATIONS COMPANY CALLED
CLEMENGER BBDO AND THE UNIVERSITY OF TASMANIA.
THE SCHOOL IS VERY EXCITED TO BE HOSTING THIS MONOLITH, AS
EXPLAINED IN THIS STATEMENT FROM THE DEAN OF THE UNIVERSITY OF
TASMANIA: ( BLABBERING GIBBERISH )
>> Stephen: WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
HE'S GOT TENURE. ( LAUGHTER )
BLACK BOX IS BASICALLY A HUGE HARD DRIVE THAT WILL GATHER
CLIMATE-CHANGE DATA, LIKE ATMOSPHERIC CARBON DIOXIDE
LEVELS AND AVERAGE TEMPERATURES, AND USE AN ALGORITHM TO SCOUR
THE WEB FOR TWEETS AND NEWS. NEWS, OKAY, I UNDERSTAND THAT.
BUT I DON'T KNOW IF TWEETS ARE THE BEST RECORD OF HUMANITY.
"IT LOOKS LIKE PAST HUMANS IGNORED GLOBAL WARMING UNTIL IT
WAS TOO LATE, NEVER INVESTED IN GREEN ENERGY, AND MOST OF
THEM KILLED THEMSELVES DOING SOMETHING CALLED 'THE MILK CRATE
CHALLENGE'." ( LAUGHTER )
ESTIMATE THAT THE DATA STORAGE WILL RUN OUT IN 30 TO 50 YEARS.
HMMM, NOT AN ENCOURAGING SIGN. THAT S LIKE GOING IN FOR SURGERY
AND HAVING YOUR DOCTOR SAY, "DO WE VALIDATE PARKING?
UM... I WOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT THAT.
JUST LEAVE THE KEYS WITH THE NURSE.
JUST LEAVE THE KEYS WITH THE NURSE."
( APPLAUSE ) THERE'S NEWS ABOUT CALIFORNIA
REPRESENTATIVE AND GOLDFISH WATCHING YOU HAVE SEX, DEVIN
NUNES. YESTERDAY, NUNES ANNOUNCED HE'S
LEAVING CONGRESS BY THE END OF THE YEAR.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THEY'RE HAPPY FOR HIM YOU KNOW?
THAT'S GOOD. BUT HE WON'T BE OUT OF A JOB,
THANKS TO FORMER PRESIDENT "DOLT 45."
( LAUGHTER ) C.E.O. OF THE FORMER PRESIDENT'S
NEW MEDIA COMPANY, DESPITE HAVING NO APPARENT PRIOR
EXPERIENCE WORKING IN THE TECH INDUSTRY OR AS AN EXECUTIVE.
INSTEAD, NUNES IS A FORMER DAIRY FARMER.
WELL, THEN HE'S THE PERFECT GUY TO MAKE MONEY OFF THE OLD
PRESIDENT, BECAUSE HE HAS EXPERIENCE MILKING THINGS WITH
LEATHERY SKIN. ( LAUGHTER )
<!0> NUNES DOES HAVE ONE BIT OF
HISTORY WITH SOCIAL MEDIA. HE ONCE SUED TWITTER OVER AN
ACCOUNT PURPORTING TO BE NUNES' COW.
IT'S A TRUE STORY. SO WHAT HAPPENED WAS SOMEBODY
STARTED A TWITTER FEED CALLED "DEVIN NUNES' COW' THAT SAID
NEGATIVE THINGS ABOUT DEVIN NUNES.
LIKE HE'S A BAD FARMER AND STUFF LIKE THAT.
SO NUNES SUED TWITTER FOR $250 MILLION FOR DEFAMATION.
THE CASE, OF COURSE, WAS DISMISSED, AND WE STILL DON'T
KNOW WHO IS BEHIND THE COW TWITTER ACCOUNT.
ALL WE KNOW IS THAT IT'S SOMEONE SMARTER THAN DEVIN NUNES, SO
PROBABLY A COW. ( LAUGHTER )
NOW, USUALLY-- ( APPLAUSE )
NOW, USUALLY WHEN THE FORMER PRESIDENT APPOINTS SOMEONE WHO
IS GROSSLY INCOMPETENT TO AN IMPORTANT POSITION, HE HAS A
GOOD REASON: THEY'RE RELATED TO HIM.
THAT MEANS THE ONLY REASON NUNES GOT THIS GIG IS BECAUSE JARED,
DON JR., AND ERIC ALL TURNED IT DOWN.
"SORRY, DAD, NO CAN DO! THAT JOB IS BENEATH ME.
( APPLAUSE ) CONSIDERED FOR THE ROLE OF CHIEF
EXECUTIVE HUG RECEIVER. BRING IT IN.
BRING IT IN, DAD. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
LET THE HEALING BEGIN." EVEN IF YOU DIDN'T CATCH IT,
THIS PANDEMIC HAS BEEN BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH, BECAUSE A NEW
STUDY HAS FOUND THAT, FROM 2019 TO 2020, AVERAGE BLOOD PRESSURE
READINGS INCREASED. WELL, YEAH.
FOR SOME REASON, WE WERE ALL A LITTLE ON EDGE LAST YEAR.
IN FACT, HERE'S SOME FOOTAGE OF MY MOST RECENT BLOOD PRESSURE
TEST.
( BELL RINGS ) ONE OF THE RESEARCHERS
EXPLAINED, "WE OBSERVED THAT PEOPLE WEREN'T EXERCISING AS
MUCH DURING THE PANDEMIC, WEREN'T GETTING REGULAR CARE,
WERE DRINKING MORE, AND SLEEPING LESS."
WELL, NOW YOU DON'T HAVE TO CHOOSE BETWEEN SLEEPING AND
DRINKING, THANKS TO THE NEW PRODUCT: STEPHEN COLBERT'S
SLEEPYTIME DRINK MASK. "TO UNCONSCIOUSNESS AND BEYOND!"
THIS IS SERIOUS-- ( APPLAUSE )
THIS IS SERIOUS, BECAUSE OVER TIME, HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE CAN
DAMAGE THE HEART, THE BRAIN, AND SEXUAL FUNCTION CAN ALSO BE
AFFECTED. I BELIEVE THAT'S THE PLOT OF
"THE WIZARD OF OZ." THE TIN MAN WANTS A HEART, THE
SCARECROW WANTS A BRAIN, AND THE COWARDLY LION WANTS AN ERECTION.
( AS BERT LAHR ) GET IT UP!"
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
MY GUESTS ARE KRISTIN DAVIS AND CYNTHIA NIXON.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, "MEANWHILE"!
JOIN US, WON'T YOU?
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: JON BATISTE AND
STAY HUMAN, EVERYBODY. ( APPLAUSE )
YEAH, YEAH! YEAH.
>> Stephen: THAT FEELS REALLY GOOD.
GOOD ENERGY. GOOD ENERGY NIGHT.
JON, TONIGHT... ♪ ♪ ♪
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU WATCH THE "SEX AND THE CITY."
DO YOU REMEMBER THE "SEX AND THE CITY," JON?
HERE-- THIS IS THE CITY WHERE THE SEX WAS.
>> Jon: THAT'S RIGHT, NEW YORK CITY SCBR WELL, THEY'RE BRINGING
BACK THE "SEX AND THE CITY." IT'S CALLED "AND JUST LIKE
THAT." IT'S THE NEW "SEX AND THE CITY,"
AND THE LADIES ARE BACK, AND SOME OF THE GENTLEMEN, I ASSUME.
BUT THE LADIES ARE BACK. AND I CAN'T WAIT TO FIND OUT WHO
WINS THIS TIME, THE SEX OR THE SEA.
BECAUSE IT WAS A DRAW LAST TIME. >> Jon: OH, IT WAS A DRAW.
>> Stephen: THEY SAY LET'S JST CALL A TRUCE.
>> Jon: THE SEX DIDN'T WIN. >> Stephen: NO, BUT NEITHER
DID THE CITY. JON, DO YOU KNOW WHICH OF THE
"SEX AND THE CITY" GIRLS YOU WOULD BE, WHICH OF THE LADIES
YOU WOULD BE? HAVE YOU TAKEN THE TEST?
>> Jon: NO, WHO DO YOU THINK I AM.
>> Stephen: I'M CHARLOTTE. 100% I'M CHARLOTTE.
HE SAYS YOU'RE A CHARLOTTE. WE'LL FIND OUT.
KRISTIN DAVIS IS A CHARLOTTE.
WE'LL FIND OUT. WE'LL TAKE THE TEST.
WILL WE? WE WILL NOT BE TAKING THE TEST.
Y'KNOW, FOLKS, I SPEND MOST OF MY TIME RIGHT OVER THERE,
DIGGING DOWN INTO THE NEWS PIT AND MINING FOR YOU THE DAY'S
CLEAREST STORY DIAMONDS, CLEAVING THEM INTO THE MOST
TOPICAL CUTS, FACETING AND POLISHING THEM TO A HIGH FINISH,
THEN SETTING THEM ALL IN A DELICATE 24 KARAT GOLD CHAIN TO
CREATE THE BESPOKE CARTIER NECKLACE THAT IS MY NIGHTLY,
BUT SOMETIMES, SOMETIMES, I HUFF A LITTLE TOO MUCH EPOXY
AND STUMBLE DOWN TO AN ABANDONED PIER, WHERE I FIND A PIECE OF
DISUSED FISHING LINE AND STRING IT WITH OLD BOTTLE CAPS, RUSTY
PADLOCKS, AND BABY TEETH, THEN RIP THE SEAT BELT OUT OF A
BURNED-OUT POLICE CAR TO MAKE A CLASP, THEN PARADE NAKED THROUGH
A CHI-CHI'S WEARING THE PSYCHO CHOKER OF NEWS THAT IS MY
SEGMENT: "MEANWHILE."
( APPLAUSE ) MAN, THAT'S WHAT CURES WHAT AILS
YOU RIGHT THERE. BRING IT HOME, BABY!
MEANWHILE, ACROSS THE POND, A MAN SECRETLY BUILT THE U .K.'S
BIGGEST MODEL TRAIN SET AND HID IT FROM HIS GIRLFRIEND.
OF COURSE, IT WAS EASY TO HIDE IT FROM HER, BECAUSE SHE
ACTUALLY GOES TO SCHOOL IN CANADA AND ISN'T ON SOCIAL MEDIA
AND THAT'S WHY YOU CAN'T MEET HER.
( LAUGHTER ) MAN £250,000.
AND I GOTTA SAY, THAT SO -CALLED "BRITISH" MODEL TRAIN ENTHUSIAST
SURE LOOKS AN AWFUL LOT LIKE ANDY RICHTER!
( LAUGHTER ) WHAT THE...
OF COURSE, THE "ENGLISH" ANDY RICHTER SITS ON THE LEFT SIDE OF
CONAN. MEANWHILE, JUST IN TIME FOR THE
HOLIDAYS, LONDON'S NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM DRESSED THEIR
TYRANNOSAURUS REX IN A GIGANTIC CHRISTMAS SWEATER.
THAT IS NOT GONNA BE EASY FOR HIM TO TAKE OFF.
( APPLAUSE ) MEANWHILE, A MARYLAND RESIDENT
BURNED DOWN THEIR HOME IN AN ATTEMPT TO GET RID OF SNAKES.
IT TOOK 75 FIREFIGHTERS TO PUT OUT THE BLAZE, AND AFTER ALL
THAT, ONE SNAKE SURVIVED. ( LAUGHTER )
SO INSTEAD OF LOTS OF REGULAR SNAKES, THE HOMEOWNER NOW HAS
ONE SUPER STRONG, FIRE-PROOF SNAKE WHO'S OUT TO AVENGE HIS
FAMILY. MEANWHILE, AIRLINE PASSENGERS
WERE STUNNED WHEN A WOMN WAS CAUGHT BREASTFEEDING HER
HAIRLESS CAT ON A DELTA FLIGHT. I KNOW, SHOCKING...
THAT THIS DIDN'T HAPPEN ON SPIRIT AIRLINES.
( LAUGHTER ) THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT CAUGHT THE
WOMAN IN ACTION AND SENT THE GROUND CREW AN ALERT THAT READ:
"PASSENGER IN 13A IS BREASTFEEDING A CAT AND WILL NOT
PUT CAT BACK IN ITS CARRIER WHEN FLIGHT ATTENDANT REQUESTED."
PLUS, THE CAPTAIN HAD JUST TURNED ON THE "NO BREASTFEEDING
YOUR CAT" SIGN. ( LAUGHTER )
THIS PAST WEEKEND IN MIAMI, AND A BIG ATTRACTION WAS A
RUBBER-DUCKY STUDDED TOILET, WHICH COSTS $300, BUT WHICH THE
ARTIST SAYS DOESN'T FUNCTION. OH, IT FUNCTIONS.
BECAUSE WHEN YOU BUY IT, IT IMMEDIATELY FLUSHES $300 DOWN
THE TOILET. ( LAUGHTER )
MEANWHILE, IN BELGIUM, THE DEATH METAL BAND OMICRON WANTS YOU TO
KNOW IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE VIRUS.
THIS IS THE MOST UNLUCKY BAND NAME SINCE THE 1920s JAZZ
STYLINGS OF GONORRHEA SAM AND THE THREE HERPES.
( LAUGHTER ) DAVIS AND CYNTHIA NIXON.
>> Stephen: OH, WELCOME BACK, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!
FOLKS, YOU KNOW MY FIRST GUESTS TONIGHT AS CHARLOTTE AND MIRANDA
FROM "SEX AND THE CITY," AND NOW THEY'RE BACK FOR THE NEW SERIES,
"AND JUST LIKE THAT." PLEASE WELCOME TO "THE LATE
SHOW," KRISTIN DAVIS AND CYNTHIA NIXON!
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
I LIKE IT! >> Stephen: I'M HONORED.
I FEEL LIKE I'M IN THE CAST NOW. >> YOU ARE.
>> YOU GOT CHARLOTTED. >> Stephen: I DID.
YOU MIGHT HAVE HEARD ME TALKING BEFORE.
I ALWAYS THOUGHT I WAS A CHARLOTTE.
WE'LL GET TO THAT IN A MOMENT. WE'LL GO TO THE DATA POINTS THAT
MAKE ONE A CHARLOTTE. >> YOU WERE RIGHT.
>> Stephen: BEFORE WE GET STARTED, I WANT TO TALK ABOUT
THE NEW SERIES. BUT, FIRST, CYNTHIA, THE LAST
TIME YOU WERE HERE, YOU WERE RUNNING FOR GOVERNOR OF THE
STATE OF NEW YORK. >> I WAS.
>> Stephen: YOUR OPPONENT, ANDREW CUOMO-- YOUR OPPONENT IN
THE PRIMARIES, ANDREW CUOMO, HAS TAKEN QUITE A-- QUITE A FALL
FROM GRACE. WOULD YOU LIKE TO TAKE THIS
MOMENT TO GIVE A HEARTY "I TOLD YOU SO" TO ANYONE?
>> UM, NO. I THINK NOT.
BECAUSE -- >> Stephen: DON'T BE GRACIOUS!
>> YOU KNOW, I WILL SAY, THOUGH, WHEN I CAME ON YOUR SHOW DURING
THE RUN, IT WAS THE FIRST SHOW THAT I HAD DONE.
I WAS VERY NERVOUS AND ALL THAT STUFF.
AND YOU WERE SO KIND AND TREATED ME WITH SO MUCH RESPECT AND
SOAP-- YOU KNOW, GAVE ME SO MUCH LEGITIMACY TO BE HERE AND GAVE
ME A PLATFORM. AND I JUST REALLY, REALLY LOVED
IT. >> YAY!
( APPLAUSE ) I'M SO GLAD.
THAT WASN'T MY INTENTION. ( LAUGHTER )
ASKED ME A QUESTION ABOUT, WAS IT HARD TO RUN WITH A NAME LIKE
NIXON IN POLITICS? NOT A LOT OF GREAT HISTORY
THERE. AND I SAID AT THE TIME, THAT I
WOULD RATHER BE THE GOOD NIXON THAN THE BAD CUOMO.
>> OOOOH. >> AND AFTERWARDS A T-SHIRT SHOP
IN CHICAGO THAT I'M VERY DEVOTED TO, NAMED THE T -SHIRT DELI, THEY
SENT ME A T-SHIRT THAT SAID, "THE GOOD NIXON" AND I THINK OF
YOU. >> Stephen: THAT'S LOVELY.
OKAY, LET'S GET DOWN TO-- LET'S--
>> LET'S DO IT. >> Stephen: "SEX AND THE CITY"
RAN FROM '98 AND 2004, AND MOVIE.
IT'S BEEN OVER A DECADE SINCE YOU ALL HAVE PLAYED THESE
CHARACTERS. WHAT IS IT LIKE FOR YOU, IS WHAT
I'M CURIOUS, TO SLIP BACK INTO THE HEELS OF THESE CHARACTERS
AFTER ALL THIS TIME. WHAT'S--
>> I FELT LIKE IT WAS SO EASY. BCAUSE TO ME, WE'VE SEEN EACH
OTHER THIS WHOLE TIME. AND OF COURSE WHEN WE SEE EACH
OTHER IN LIFE, IT'S DIFFERENT THAN WEARING THE HEEL SCPLZ THE
SHOES AND EVERYTHING, BUT, YOU KNOW, I WAS JUST THRILLED TO BE
BACK. I WAS LIKE IT'S A MIRACLE.
WE'RE IN A WARM HUG TOGETHER. IT'S LIKE THE BEST THING EVER.
IT WAS ALSO TERRIFYING. >> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
>> WELL, YOU KNOW, A LOT OF EXPECTATIONS.
>> YEAH, A LITTLE BIT. >> A LITTLE BIT.
>> A LOT OF SCRUTINIZING. A LOT OF SCRUTINIZING.
>> Stephen: HERE YOU ARE-- SO YOU GUYS ARE ACTUAL FRIENDS,
LIKE, OFF-CAMERA FRIENDS. >> YOU KNOW...
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: ACTUAL FRIENDS OR
VERY GOOD ACTORS. HERE'S A PHOTO OF-- HERE'S A
LITTLE PREVIEW. >> OH, GOD!
IT'S HARD. IT'S REALLY HARD TO LOOK AT.
>> IN 1998. A LIFETIME THAT IS--
>> CAN YOU GUYS-- A REAL 1998 LOOK, MAN.
>> WE THOUGHT WE WERE IT, MAN. >> Stephen: YOU WERE IT.
THOSE ARE SOME STYLES THAT PLACE YOU IN TIME.
>> I MEAN, FOR REAL, FOR REAL. LOOK AT THE HAIR.
LIKE AT KRISTIN, SHE IS SWEETLY JUST PRETENDING SHE DOESN'T SEE
MY HAIR. IT'S REALLY KIND.
>> AND, LITERALLY, THAT WAS THE
LAST TIME I DANCED IN PUBLIC, AND IT WAS WITH CYNTHIA.
>> Stephen: WHY DO YOU NOT DANCE IN PUBLIC?
>> BECAUSE I DON'T WANT ANYONE TO SEE THAT NOW.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE NOT A DANCER.
>> NO! >> Stephen: NOT EVEN BALLROOM
DANCING OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT? YOU'RE FROM SOUTH CAROLINA--
>> CHARLOTTE CAN DANCE. >> CHARLOTTE CAN DANCE.
>> Stephen: BUT YOU CANNOT. SO WHEN YOU ACT LIKE CHARLOTTE,
YOU CAN DANCE. >> THERE ARE A LOT OF LESSONS
INVOLVED, OKAY, INTRODUCTION AND LESSONS AND PRACTICE.
>> Stephen: I DID IT, OKAY. SO HOW HAVE THESE YOUNG LADIES
CHANGED IN ( WHISTLES
( 23 YEARS? >> THAT'S HARD TO EVEN
ENUMERATE. >> YOU KNOW, IT'S REALLY FUNNY
BECAUSE WHEN THE ORIGINAL SHOW STARTED, EVERYBODY WOULD ALWAYS
ASK US, "HOW ARE YOU LIKE YOUR CHARACTER?"
AND I WOULD SAY THAT MIRANDA AND I BOTH, YOU KNOW, FEEL KIND OF
CONFIDENT ABOUT OUR BRAINS. BUT OTHER THAN THAT, THERE'S
REALLY NO SIMILARITY. YOU KNOW, MIRANDA AND I ARE
DIFFERENT IN EVERY WAY-- YOU KNOW, LOOK, SHE WAS, YOU KNOW,
NOT DOMESTIC AT ALL. SHE WAS NOT A MOM.
>> RIGHT, RIGHT. >> SHE WAS NOT REALLY INTERESTED
IN BECOMING A MOM. >> TRUE, TRUE.
>> SHE WAS VERY FOCUSED-- I'M VERY FOCUSED ON MY CAREER, TOO,
AND I'M A VERY DOMESTIC PERSON. >> SHE'S AN EXCELLENT COOK.
>> AND NOT A BIG DATER. WHAT WAS INTERESTING TO ME AT
THE END OF SIX YEARS IN THE SHOW AS WE WERE DOING ALL THESE EXIT
INTERVIEWS WITH PEOPLE WHO WOULD AGAIN ASK US THIS QUESTION, I
FOUND MYSELF SAYING, "MIRANDA AND I ARE ALIKE IN EVERY SINGLE
WAY." I FEEL LIKE-- OF COURSE WHEN
YOU'RE ON A SHOW A LONG TIME, THEY WRITE TOWARD YOU, AND
MIRANDA GOT MORE AND MORE, NOT DOMESTIC, BUT SHE FOUND HER
INNER-- >> WARMTH.
>> Stephen: KRISTIN, HOW IS CHARLOTTE LIKE YOU?
>> WELL, I USED TO ALSO HAVE A VERY SPECIFIC LIST OF PROS AND
CONS AND SIMILARITIES AND DISSIMILARITIES.
AND THEN THEY DID START TO WEAVE, AND I THINK A LOT OF THAT
IS MICHAEL PATRICK KING, OUR HEAD WRIERPT.
WE HAVE HAD NUMEROUS DIFFERENT AMAZING WRITERS.
AND HE CALLS IT BESPOKE WRITING. >> WHAT DOES HE CALL IT?
OH, BESPOKE. >> TO YOUR FORTES, TO YOUR
STRENGTHS. WHEN THE SHOW WAS FIRST ON,
PEOPLE WOULD COME UP TO SARAH AND TELL HER THEIR SEX STORIES.
>> DEFINITELY, DEFINITELY. >> AND I THINK THEY WOULD BEND
YOUR EAR A LOT. AND I THINK PEOPLE WOULD
APPROACH ME LESS BECAUSE I SCARED THEM, FRANKLY.
>> IT'S SO TRUE. IT'S SO TRUE.
WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK,
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, KRISTIN WILL REVEAL MY CAMEO IN THE
UPCOMING SERIES. STICK AROUND.
WE'RE BACK WITH CYNTHIA NIXON AND KRISTIN DAVIS.
NOW, BOTH OF YOU HAVE HAD MANY ROMANTIC INTERESTS OVER THE
COURSE OF THE SERIES. CYNTHIA, I UNDERSTAND YOU HAVE A
FAVORITE ONE, A STORY THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO SHARE.
>> I LIKE THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY, REALLY.
>> Stephen: I HAVE A HINT ABOUT WHAT THIS IS, AND I HAVE A
HINT FOR YOU, TOO. >> I CAN'T WAIT!
>> THERE WAS AN EPISODE WHERE THE FAMOUS PHRASE, "HE'S JUST
NOT THAT INTO YOU, "WAS COINED, WHERE MIRANDA LEARNS THAT, YOU
KNOW, IF GUYS DON'T SEEM THAT INTERESTED, YOU KNOW, THEY'RE
JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU, GIVE UP. SO MIRANDA DATED A GUY WHO THEN
WAS TRYING TO LEAVE QUICKLY AFTER THE DATE.
AND SHE SAID, "IT'S FINE, YOU'RE NOT THAT INTO ME, IT'S FINE."
AND HE BLURTED OUT, "I HAVE DIARRHEA AND I HAVE TO LEAVE."
WE WERE ALL SITTING AROUND ON THE SET THE OTHER DAY, AND
SOMEHOW ONE OF THE WRITERS WHO WAS A WRITER ON THE OLD SHOW
SAID THAT, ACTUALLY, STEPHEN COLBERT WAS ALMOST CAST IN THAT
PART. AND I HAVE TO SAY THE GUY WHO
DID IT WAS GREAT. NOTHING AGAINST HIM.
HE WAS FANTASTIC -- >> Stephen: THEY WROTE THAT
WITH ME IN MIND? ( LAUGHTER )
>> I WOULDN'T GO THAT FAR, BUT I-- I DO BELIEVE THT YOU WERE
IN SOME WAY CONSIDERED FOR THE ROLE, AND THEY-- YOU KNOW, THEY
HAD-- >> YOU WERE THE DREAM.
>> Stephen: I CAN-- I CAN ADD TO YOUR STORY BY SAYING THE
OPENING LINE OF THAT SCENE IS, "THAT WAS SOME HOT BURIONI," AND
I KNOW THAT, BECAUSE I AUDITIONED FOR THAT PART.
AND DIDN'T GET IT. EVIDENTLY, I DID NOT HAVE THE
ACTING CHOPS TO ACT LIKE A HAD DIARRHEA.
( LAUGHTER ) I DID NOT PLAY--
>> THAT'S PROBABLY GOOD, STEPHEN.
THAT'S PROBABLY GOOD. >> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW IF IT
IS. TO THIS DAY, IF I GO TO AN
INDIAN RESTAURANT, AND I SEE IF THEY HAVE THAT ON THE MENU, I
GET THAT'S SOME SPICY BRUNNIA. IT STAYED WITH ME.
I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU AND I HAVE A CAMEO TOGETHER IN THE NEW
SERIES. >> WE DO.
>> Stephen: IS THIS TRUE? I'M HONORED IF THIS IS TRUE.
WHAT IS GOING ON IN THAT PHOTOGRAPH?
>> WELL-- >> I LOVE THE POSE, TOO.
>> I WAS REALLY TRYING TO LOOK COOL.
THAT'S CHARLOTTE TRYING TO LOOK COOL WITH HER HOT DATE.
>> Stephen: SURE. >> AT THE SCHOOL GALA WHERE YOU,
STEPHEN COLBERT, ARE AN AUCTION ITEM FOR MY CHILDREN-- MY
PRETEND CHILDREN. >> TICKETS TO YOUR SHOW.
PERHAPS NOT YOU. >> Stephen: IT'S TICKETS FOR
THE SCHOOL. >> YES.
>> Stephen: WOW, THAT IS BELIEVABLE.
>> IT IS. >> Stephen: DO YOU WIN?
>> AND WE HAD GOOD FUN WITH YOU. >> Stephen: WITH THE CUTOUT.
>> YES. >> YOU MAKE A VERY HANDSOME
COUPLE. >> Stephen: THANK YOU SO MUCH
MEAN SHOULD HAVE AUDITIONED. MAYBE HE'S A BETTER ACTOR THAN I
AM. >> MAYBE IT'S THE TUX.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE ANOTHER BREAK.
STICK AROUND, WE'LL BE BACK WITH MORE KRISTIN DAVIS AND CYNTHIA
NIXON, EVERYBODY. ♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE ) CYNTHIA NIXON AND KRISTIN DAVIS.
NOW, YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN SHOOTING ALL AROUND THE CITY.
>> FOR A WHILE. >> Stephen: STARTING WHEN?
>> IN JULY. >> JULY 7, OR SOMETHING.
>> Stephen: HERE'S A SHOT OF YOU GUYS-- THIS IS YOU GUYS,
RIGHT? >> YES, THAT'S--
( LAUGHING ). >> Stephen: THIS IS NOT JUST
YOU GUYS AT LUNCH. THIS IS YOU GUYS SHOOTING.
>> WE'RE IN DRESSING AND STUFF. THAT'S HOW YOU KNOW WE'RE
WORKING. >> Stephen: THERE IS SO MUCH
SECRECY ABOUT THIS. WE DON'T EVEN HAVE A CLIP TO
SHOW THE AUDIENCE RIGHT NOW. >> SORRY.
>> Stephen: DO YOU WORRY ABOUT SPOILERS?
>> IT WAS VERY HIGHLY INTENSE, YES.
>> WE WORRY CONSTANTLY, YES. >> Stephen: I HAVE AN
IMPORTANT QUESTION HERE, IS THAT THERE ARE RUMORS THAT YOU GUYS
ACTUALLY SHOT SCENES AROUND NEW YORK THAT ARE FAKE SCENES TO
THROW PEOPLE OFF THE SCENT TO TRY TO STOP PEOPLE FROM KNOWING
WHAT THE PLOT OF THE SERIES IS. >> YES DEFINITELY.
>> YES, DEFINITELY! >> Stephen: I BELIEVE YOU.
>> THAT'S WHY I PLAY CHARLOTTE. ( LAUGHING )
>> YES. >> Stephen: WOW.
>> IT MIGHT BE TRUE. >> Stephen: THAT'S A YES AND A
MAYBE. THAT'S A TRUE.
>> Stephen: OKAY, NOW-- >> WE WANT THE FANS TO ENJOY THE
SHOW. I THINK THAT'S THE IMPORTANT
PART. YOU KNOW, LIKE, WE DON'T WANT
THEM TO KNOW-- WE DON'T WANT THEM TO READ THE CLIFF NOTES
BEFOREHAND. >> Stephen: I UNDERSTAND.
HAVE THERE BEEN ANY GUESSES OUT THERE THAT ARE RIGHT?
>> NO! ( LAUGHTER )
>> THIS IS FUN. >> Stephen: IS IT DISTRACTING?
BECAUSE YOU GUYS CAN'T DO ANYTHING WITHOUT GETTING
ATTENTION AROUND THE CITY. I'M SURE YOU GOT TONS OF
ATTENTION WHEN YOU DID THE SERIES, BUT IT WAS A SERIES
ONGOING. NOW EVERYBODY IS TRYING TO
FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON. YOU MUST GET MOBBED WHEN YOU
SHOOT ANYWHERE. IS THAT A CHALLENGING THING WHEN
PEOPLE-- THERE ARE NOiPHONES BACK THEN.
>> AND VERY LITTLE SOCIAL MEDIA. I HAVE TO SAY, WE STARTED
SHOOTING IN JULY, AND THE CITY WAS JUST COMING OUT OF THE
LOCKDOWN. SO IT WAS SO AMAZING FOR US TO
BE BACK PLAYING THESE CHARACTERS.
>> IT WAS. >> AND BACK WITH EACH OTHER.
BUT, ALSO, I THINK IT WAS EXCITING FOR PEOPLE, AND IT WAS
OBVIOUSLY OBVIOUSLY, VERY EXCITING FOR US TO SEE PEOPLE ON
THE STREET WATCHING US BECAUSE IT FELT LIKE NEW YORK COMING
BACK. >> Stephen: YOU GUYS
OBVIOUSLY, FAMOUSLY, IN THE SERIES, IN THE MOVIES ARE A
QUARTET. NOW THERE'S NO SAMANTHA.
YOU'RE JUST A TRIO. WHAT'S THAT TRANSITION LIKE FROM
A QUARTET TO A TRIO. >> I DON'T FEEL LIKE-- WE ARE A
TRIO, THE THREE ORIGINAL WOMEN. BUT I FEEL LIKE NOW WE'RE A SE
PTET. THERE ARE SEVEN OF US.
THERE'S-- >> AND THEY'RE AMAZING.
>> THEY'RE AMAZING. >> AND I REALLY AM SO GRATIFIED.
WE KNEW THE SHOW WAS GOING TO EXPAND AND THERE WERE GOING TO
BE MORE PEOPLE, AND IT WAS SUCH AN INCREDIBLY WHITE SHOW WHEN IT
WAS ON THE FIRST TIME. SO GIVEN AN OPPORTUNITY TO GO
BACK AND CHANGE THAT WAS, YOU KNOW, VERY WELCOME.
>> THAT WAS A HUGE PART OF WHY WE'RE HERE.
>> YEAH. .BUT, ALSO, IT WAS AMAZING TO ME
THAT THEY DIDN'T TRY AND PUT, YOU KNOW, 25-YEAR-OLDS WITH US.
THEY BROUGHT US PEOPLE WHO WERE VERY MUCH OUR PEERS.
AND THAT WAS AMAZING. >> YES.
>> Stephen: THAT IS LOVELY. ( APPLAUSE )
( LAUGHING ) ). >> Stephen: WE KNOW THAT
SAMANTHA IS FINE. SHE'S NOT DEAD IN THE SERIES,
RIGHT? SHE'S JUST GONE.
>> WE WILL NEITHER CONFIRM NOR DENY.
>> Stephen: SO IT'S POSSIBLE-- >> SHE'S NOT LIKE A LAWYER AT
ALL. >> Stephen: IT'S POSSIBLE SHE
STARTED DATING A DAJUN AND WAS EATEN BY AN ALLIGATOR, SOMETHING
LIKE, THAT OR DATING A CLOWN AND EATEN BY A LION.
>> WOW, CREATIVE IDEAS. >> ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE.
YOU WILL HAVE TO TUNE IN TO FIND OUT.
>> VERY SOON YOU WILL FIND OUT. >> Stephen: BEFORE WE GO, I
WANT TO TALK ABOUT YOUR FRIEND,
WILLIE GARRISON HERE, WHO PLAYED SANFORD, A BELOVED MEMBER OF THE
SECOND CITY FAMILY WHO PASSED AWAY.
HE'S ACTUALLY IN THE NEW SERIES. >> HE'S IN THE FIRST THREE
EPISODES. >> THIS IS HIM ON THE SET.
HOW WILL YOU REMEMBER HIM? >> I MEAN, WILLIE WAS JUST A
PERSON WHO JUST LIGHTENED ANY SITUATION THAT HE WAS IN AND
JUST WOULD HAVE YOU IN STITCHES WITHIN, YOU KNOW, A MINUTE OF
COMING INTO A CONVERSATION. LIKE, HE WAS A PERSON WITH
INCREDIBLE STORIES, LIKE SHOW BUSINESS STORIES AND STORIES
ABOUT HIS OWN, YOU KNOW, ZANY LIFE AND HIS FAMILY THAT HE
COMES FROM AND THE FAMILY THAT HE CREATED.
AND HE'S JUST A PERSON WHO-- I DON'T KNOW-- JUST WAS ALWAYS
WITH THE JOKES. >> JOY AND SO INCREDIBLY
BRILLIANT AND SMART AND REALLY EVEN-- EVEN BEING SICK, WHICH WE
DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT IN THE BEGINNING, HE STILL BROUGHT SO
MUCH JOY-- JOY--
>> ALWAYS JUST HAD US LAUGHING. AND WE WERE, YOU KNOW, I THINK
IT'S FAIR TO SAY WE SHOT WITH HIM FOR A LONG TIME NOT KNOWING
HE WAS SICK, AND THEN THINGS GOT BAD ENOUGH THAT WE WERE
INFORMED. SO I THINK WE'RE ALSO VERY
GRATEFUL THAT WE HAD A FEW DAYS WITH HIM, KNOWING THAT HE WAS
SICK AND WE COULD TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT AND HE COULD TALK TO US
ABOUT IT. AND THAT I THINK WAS A REALLY
IMPORTANT THING FOR ALL OF US. >> BUT IT'S HARD.
( VOICE BREAKING ) I WISH HE WERE HERE, YOU KNOW,.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU BOTH FOR BEING HERE.
>> THANK YOU, STEPHEN. >> Stephen: THANK YOU FOR
SHARING YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT YOUR FRIEND, TOO.
THANK YOU. ( APPLAUSE )
KRISTIN DAVIS AND CYNTHIA NIXON, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY GLASS ANIMALS.
STICK AROUND.
THEIR FIRST GRAMMY NOMINATION FOR BEST NEW ARTIST.
PERFORMING "HEAT WAVES" FROM THEIR ALBUM, "DREAMLAND,"
GLASS ANIMALS! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪ (LAST NIGHT, ALL I THINK ABOUT IS YOU)
♪ (DON'T STOP, BABY, YOU CAN WALK THROUGH)
♪ SOMETIMES, ALL I THINK ABOUT IS YOU
♪ LATE NIGHTS IN THE MIDDLE OF JUNE
♪ HEAT WAVES BEEN FAKIN' ME OUT CAN'T MAKE YOU HAPPIER NOW
♪ SOMETIMES, ALL I THINK ABOUT IS YOU
♪ LATE NIGHTS IN THE MIDDLE OF JUNE
♪ HEAT WAVES BEEN FAKIN' ME OUT CAN'T MAKE YOU HAPPIER NOW
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ USUALLY, I PUT SOMETHIN' ON TV
SO WE NEVER THINK ABOUT ♪ YOU AND ME
BUT TODAY, I SEE OUR REFLECTIONS ♪ CLEARLY
IN HOLLYWOOD, ♪ LAYIN' ON THE SCREEN
YOU JUST NEED A BETTER ♪ LIFE THAN THIS
YOU NEED SOMETHIN' ♪ I CAN NEVER GIVE
FAKE WATER ALL ACROSS THE ROAD ♪ IT'S GONE NOW,
THE NIGHT HAS COME, BUT ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ SOMETIMES, ALL I THINK ABOUT IS YOU
♪ LATE NIGHTS IN THE MIDDLE OF JUNE
♪ HEAT WAVES BEEN FAKIN' ME OUT CAN'T MAKE YOU HAPPIER NOW
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ YOU CAN'T FIGHT IT,
YOU CAN'T BREATHE ♪ YOU SAY SOMETHIN' SO LOVIN',
BUT NOW I GOTTA LET YOU GO ♪ YOU'LL BE BETTER OFF
IN SOMEONE NEW ♪ I DON'T WANNA BE ALONE
YOU KNOW IT HURTS ME TOO ♪ YOU LOOK SO BROKEN WHEN
YOU CRY ♪ ONE MORE AND THEN
I SAY GOODBYE ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ SOMETIMES, ALL I THINK ABOUT IS YOU
♪ LATE NIGHTS IN THE MIDDLE OF JUNE
♪ HEAT WAVES BEEN FAKIN' ME OUT CAN'T MAKE YOU HAPPIER NOW
♪ SOMETIMES, ALL I THINK ABOUT IS YOU
♪ LATE NIGHTS IN THE MIDDLE OF JUNE
♪ HEAT WAVES BEEN FAKIN' ME OUT CAN'T MAKE YOU HAPPIER NOW
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ I JUST WONDER WHAT YOU'RE
DREAMIN' OF ♪ WHEN YOU SLEEP AND SMILE
SO COMFORTABLE ♪ I JUST WISH THAT I COULD
GIVE YOU THAT ♪ THAT LOOK THAT'S PERFECTLY
UN-SAD ♪ SOMETIMES, ALL I THINK ABOUT
IS YOU ♪ LATE NIGHTS IN THE MIDDLE
OF JUNE ♪ HEAT WAVES BEEN FAKIN' ME OUT
HEAT WAVES BEEN FAKIN' ME OUT ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ SOMETIMES, ALL I THINK ABOUT IS YOU
♪ LATE NIGHTS IN THE MIDDLE OF JUNE
♪ HEAT WAVES BEEN FAKIN' ME OUT CAN'T MAKE YOU HAPPIER NOW
♪ SOMETIMES, ALL I THINK ABOUT IS YOU
♪ LATE NIGHTS IN THE MIDDLE OF JUNE
♪ HEAT WAVES BEEN FAKIN' ME OUT CAN'T MAKE YOU HAPPIER NOW
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ROAD SHIMMER WIGGLIN'
THE VISION ♪ HEAT, HEAT WAVES,
I'M SWIMMIN' IN A MIRROR ♪ ROAD SHIMMER WIGGLIN'
THE VISION ♪ HEAT, HEAT WAVES,
I'M SWIMMIN' IN A MIRROR ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ( APPLAUSE )
EVERYBODY! THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW."
TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUEST WILL BE CBS NEWS COVID EXPERT,
DR. DAVID AGUS. JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT.
GOOD NIGHT!
>> Stephen: THIS IS THE WORST CASE OF A BAND ACTUALLY SHARING
AN A NAME WITH A DISEASE THAN GONORRHEA SAM AND THE HERPES.
1930s, AN INTEGRATED BAND. THEY GET OVERLOOKED-- THEY GOT
OVERLOOKED BECAUSE THEY WERE CALLED GONORRHEA SAM AND THE
THREE HERPES. BUT IT WAS REALLY BOLD AT THE
TIME. GONORRHEA SAM WAS A FREE
THINKER. THEY COULDN'T PLAY IN A LOT OF
CLUBS. NOT BECAUSE OF THE NAME.
AND THEY GET NO CREDIT FOR THAT! JUST BECAUSE OF THEIR NAME.
WE'LL BE BACK, OR WE WON'T.