1 00:00:02,569 --> 00:00:04,070 A SECURE VIDEO CALL WITH RUSSIAN 2 00:00:04,137 --> 00:00:07,307 PRESIDENT VLADIMIR PUTIN, AND THIS IS A CALL, OF COURSE, THAT 3 00:00:07,374 --> 00:00:10,510 COMES AS THE U.S. INTEL COMMUNITY WARNS RUSSIA IS 4 00:00:10,577 --> 00:00:16,015 PREPARING TO INVADE UKRAINE AS SOON AS NEXT MONTH. 5 00:00:16,082 --> 00:00:21,788 >> WELCOME TO THIS HISTORIC ZOOM 6 00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:27,961 SUMMIT BETWEEN AMERICAN PRESIDENT BIDEN AND RUSSIAN 7 00:00:28,027 --> 00:00:29,262 PRESIDENT PUTIN. WELCOME, GENTLEMEN. 8 00:00:29,329 --> 00:00:30,797 PRESIDENT BIDEN, PERHAPS IF YOU BACK AWAY FROM THE SCREEN JUST 9 00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:33,533 A BIT. >> HOLD ON. 10 00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:36,035 >> WHILE WE SORT THAT OUT, PRESIDENT PUTIN, WHY DON'T YOU 11 00:00:36,102 --> 00:00:42,809 BEGIN. SIR, YOU ARE ON MUTE. 12 00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:44,844 SILL ON MUTE. PRESIDENT BIDEN, YOU'RE WEARING 13 00:00:44,911 --> 00:00:48,982 A PANDA FILTER. PRESIDENT PUTIN, IT LOOKS LIKE 14 00:00:49,048 --> 00:00:52,352 YOU ACCIDENTALLY SHARED YOUR SCREEN. 15 00:00:52,419 --> 00:00:56,055 OKAY, WE'RE BACK. PRESIDENT BIDEN, I BELIEVE YOUR 16 00:00:56,122 --> 00:01:00,059 VIDEO IS FROZEN ( SNORING ) 17 00:01:00,126 --> 00:01:05,865 MUTE. AND THAT CONCLUDES OUR SUMMIT. 18 00:01:05,932 --> 00:01:09,903 GOOD LUCK, UKRAINE. 19 00:01:09,969 --> 00:01:12,806 >> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT." 20 00:01:12,872 --> 00:01:19,112 TONIGHT: THE BEST IS YET TO COME. 21 00:01:19,179 --> 00:01:22,916 PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES: KRISTIN DAVIS 22 00:01:22,982 --> 00:01:28,021 AND CYNTHIA NIXON AND MUSICAL GUEST GLASS ANIMALS 23 00:01:28,087 --> 00:01:32,025 FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY 24 00:01:32,091 --> 00:01:35,562 HUMAN. 25 00:01:35,628 --> 00:01:38,465 AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK 26 00:01:38,531 --> 00:01:42,802 CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 27 00:01:42,869 --> 00:01:57,750 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: OH, WOW! 28 00:01:57,817 --> 00:01:58,384 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: OH, WOW! 29 00:01:58,451 --> 00:02:00,053 WOOO! ( APPLAUSE ). 30 00:02:00,119 --> 00:02:14,000 HEY! WELCOME, ONE AND ALL. 31 00:02:14,067 --> 00:02:17,237 ISN'T THAT PLEASANT? >>.THAT PLEASANT. 32 00:02:17,303 --> 00:02:18,571 HAVE A SEAT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. 33 00:02:18,638 --> 00:02:21,508 IN HERE, OUT THERE, ALL AROUND THE WORLD. 34 00:02:21,574 --> 00:02:24,310 WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW." I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. 35 00:02:24,377 --> 00:02:27,847 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HOW NICE. 36 00:02:27,914 --> 00:02:33,486 I'M GLAD YOU ALL SEEM TO BE IN A GOOD MOOD. 37 00:02:33,553 --> 00:02:36,222 IT HAS BEEN A TENSE COUPLE OF YEARS, WHAT WITH THE PANDEMIC, 38 00:02:36,289 --> 00:02:37,857 THE NEAR FALL OF DEMOCRACY, AND ME RECENTLY FINDING OUT THAT 39 00:02:37,924 --> 00:02:41,895 SCOOBY-DOO WASN'T THE DOG WHO SAID, "RUH-ROH." 40 00:02:41,961 --> 00:02:42,929 IT'S ASTRO. LOOK IT UP. 41 00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:44,764 WHAT ELSE DON'T I KNOW? WAS I ADOPTED? 42 00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:50,470 ( LAUGHTER ) LOOK LIKE THEY'RE EASING ANYTIME 43 00:02:50,537 --> 00:02:54,507 SOON. EXHIBIT A: VLADIMIR PUTIN HAS 44 00:02:54,574 --> 00:02:58,978 STATIONED TENS OF THOUSANDS OF RUSSIAN TROOPS ALONG THE 45 00:02:59,045 --> 00:03:03,850 UKRAINIAN BORDER, AND UKRAINE IS A DEMOCRATIC ALLY WHOSE SECURITY 46 00:03:03,917 --> 00:03:08,154 AMERICA HAS PROMISED TO DEFEND. RUH-ROH. 47 00:03:08,221 --> 00:03:14,327 ( LAUGHTER ) AT THE PRECIPICE OF WAR BETWEEN 48 00:03:14,394 --> 00:03:20,633 TWO NUCLEAR-ARMED POWERS. TO DE-ESCALATE TENSION, TODAY, 49 00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:26,105 BIDEN AND PUTIN TALKED ABOUT UKRAINE IN A VIDEO CALL. 50 00:03:26,172 --> 00:03:28,808 MAKES SENSE-- THE ONLY WAY TO RESOLVE A DELICATE SITUATION 51 00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:30,677 THAT REQUIRES CRYSTAL-CLEAR COMMUNICATION IS TWO OLD MEN ON 52 00:03:30,743 --> 00:03:33,646 A ZOOM. ( LAUGHTER ) 53 00:03:33,713 --> 00:03:41,688 CALL YET, WE DO NOT KNOW THE RESULTS OF THIS CALL YET, 54 00:03:41,754 --> 00:03:43,556 BUT BIDEN DID MAKE IT CLEAR THAT IF RUSSIA INVADES, THE U.S. AND 55 00:03:43,623 --> 00:03:46,593 OUR ALLIES WOULD RESPOND WITH STRONG ECONOMIC AND OTHER 56 00:03:46,659 --> 00:03:50,530 MEASURES. I KNOW WE'RE TRYING TO AVOID A 57 00:03:50,597 --> 00:03:53,132 HOT WAR HERE, BUT THOSE ARE SOME PRETTY VAGUE THREATS. 58 00:03:53,199 --> 00:03:55,268 "SON, IF YOU THROW A PARTY WHEN YOUR MOTHER AND I ARE OUT OF 59 00:03:55,335 --> 00:03:59,539 TOWN, WE WILL RESPOND WITH STRONG REACTIONS AND EMOTIONS 60 00:03:59,606 --> 00:04:06,212 T.B.D.!" ( LAUGHTER ) 61 00:04:06,279 --> 00:04:09,182 FIRM. IT'S UNCLEAR WHAT HAPPENS NEXT, 62 00:04:09,248 --> 00:04:10,783 BUT AT THE END OF THE CALL, "THE TWO PRESIDENTS TASKED THEIR 63 00:04:10,850 --> 00:04:12,318 TEAMS TO FOLLOW UP." ( AS PUTIN ) 64 00:04:12,385 --> 00:04:17,924 WE WILL HAVE OUR PEOPLE FOLLOW YOUR PEOPLE-- I MEAN FOLLOW UP. 65 00:04:17,991 --> 00:04:19,892 PERHAPS THEY TALK ABOUT IT OVER A NICE BOWL OF POISON-- I MEAN 66 00:04:19,959 --> 00:04:24,197 SOUP! AND WE ALL KNOW BEST PLACE TO 67 00:04:24,263 --> 00:04:28,134 ENJOY SOUP IS NEAR WINDOW. ( LAUGHTER ) 68 00:04:28,201 --> 00:04:34,240 THESE POISON UNDERPANTS-- I MEAN SOUP UNDERPANTS." 69 00:04:34,307 --> 00:04:40,880 ( LAUGHTER ) RISING TENSIONS WITH RUSSIA WILL 70 00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:43,716 LEAD TO WORLD WAR III WITH RUSSIA, DON'T BE RIDICULOUS. 71 00:04:43,783 --> 00:04:47,520 IT'S GONNA BE WORLD WAR III WITH CHINA, AND WE GOT A PREVIEW 72 00:04:47,587 --> 00:04:50,657 YESTERDAY. YOU SEE, THE 2020 TOKYO SUMMER 73 00:04:50,723 --> 00:04:53,159 OLYMPICS ENDED JUST FOUR MONTHS AGO. 74 00:04:53,226 --> 00:04:56,029 SO, NATURALLY, THE 2022 BEIJING WINTER OLYMPICS WILL 75 00:04:56,095 --> 00:04:58,865 START IN A LITTLE UNDER TWO MONTHS, BECAUSE THANKS TO COVID, 76 00:04:58,931 --> 00:05:01,968 TIME DOESN'T EXIST ANYMORE. ( LAUGHTER ) 77 00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:06,439 BE HELD CONCURRENTLY, AND TOM BRADY HAS WON THEM ALL. 78 00:05:06,506 --> 00:05:09,942 ( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERING ) 79 00:05:10,009 --> 00:05:24,323 SO WINTER GAMES, THAT'S ALWAYS AMERICA CLEANS UP WITH THE 80 00:05:24,390 --> 00:05:26,325 MEDALS. EXCEPT NOT ALL AMERICANS WILL BE 81 00:05:26,392 --> 00:05:28,194 MAKING THE TRIP TO CHINA, BECAUSE THE BIDEN ADMINISTRATION 82 00:05:28,261 --> 00:05:30,163 ANNOUNCED THAT DUE TO CHINA'S HUMAN RIGHTS ATROCITIES AGAINST 83 00:05:30,229 --> 00:05:31,831 THE UYGHURS, THE U.S. WILL NOT SEND ANY DIPLOMATIC OR OFFICIAL 84 00:05:31,898 --> 00:05:34,000 REPRESENTATION TO THE 2022 WINTER OLYMPIC GAMES. 85 00:05:34,067 --> 00:05:35,535 BUT NOW WHO'S GOING TO COMPETE IN THE FOUR-MAN AMBASSADOR 86 00:05:35,601 --> 00:05:42,241 BOBSLED? ( LAUGHTER ) 87 00:05:42,308 --> 00:05:45,144 HUMAN RIGHTS ABUSES ARE UNCONSCIONABLE, AND THE 88 00:05:45,211 --> 00:05:51,617 PRESIDENT IS DOING THE RIGHT THING BY DRAWING A LINE. 89 00:05:51,684 --> 00:05:53,453 AND WITH THAT IN MIND, I WOULD LIKE TO ANNOUNCE TONIGHT THAT 90 00:05:53,519 --> 00:05:57,824 CBS WILL BE THE OFFICIAL NETWORK OF NOT WATCHING THE OLYMPIC 91 00:05:57,890 --> 00:06:00,993 WE ARE NOT, NOT, NO, NO! ( APPLAUSE ) 92 00:06:01,060 --> 00:06:10,403 STAND! CBS WILL NOT BE BROADCASTING ANY 93 00:06:10,470 --> 00:06:14,841 OF THE ACTION, AND THAT'S SOLELY BECAUSE WE CARE ABOUT HUMAN 94 00:06:14,907 --> 00:06:16,375 RIGHTS, AND NOT BECAUSE WE WERE OUTBID BY ANOTHER NETWORK EVERY 95 00:06:16,442 --> 00:06:17,944 YEAR FOR THE LAST 20 YEARS. SO FORGET THE OLYMPICS. 96 00:06:18,010 --> 00:06:20,113 THE ONLY MARATHON YOU NEED TO WORRY ABOUT IS BACK-TO- BACK 97 00:06:20,179 --> 00:06:23,783 RERUNS OF "BLUE BLOODS." THOUGH, I HEAR TOM SELLECK'S 98 00:06:23,850 --> 00:06:27,553 MUSTACHE CAN BE USED AS ONE OF THOSE CURLING BRUSHES. 99 00:06:27,620 --> 00:06:33,025 ( LAUGHTER ) IN STATE-OWNED MEDIA: "TO BE 100 00:06:33,092 --> 00:06:39,332 HONEST, THE CHINESE ARE RELIEVED TO HEAR THE NEWS, BECAUSE THE 101 00:06:39,398 --> 00:06:42,368 FEWER U.S. OFFICIALS COME, THE FEWER VIRUSES WILL BE BROUGHT 102 00:06:42,435 --> 00:06:44,437 IN." HEY, HEY, CHINA, NOT COOL! 103 00:06:44,504 --> 00:06:47,340 NO ONE KNOWS EXACTLY HOW THE VIRUS EMERGED, BUT WE KNOW IT 104 00:06:47,406 --> 00:06:51,344 DIDN'T START HERE. THE ONLY WET MARKET WE HAVE IN 105 00:06:51,410 --> 00:06:53,012 AMERICA IS THAT SUBWAY STATION WITH A LADY SELLING CHURROS 106 00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:56,849 UNDER THE MYSTERY DRIP. ( LAUGHTER ) 107 00:06:56,916 --> 00:07:04,223 SO TENSIONS BETWEEN THE U.S. AND CHINA AND RUSSIA ARE RISING. 108 00:07:04,290 --> 00:07:13,666 BUT IT'S NOT ALL DOOM AND GLOOM. SOME OF IT IS DOOM AND DATA. 109 00:07:13,733 --> 00:07:15,701 BECAUSE IN ANTICIPATION OF GLOBAL CLIMATE CATASTROPHE, 110 00:07:15,768 --> 00:07:17,403 EARTH IS GETTING A BLACK BOX TO RECORD EVENTS THAT LEAD TO THE 111 00:07:17,470 --> 00:07:23,309 DOWNFALL OF CIVILIZATION. WELL, WHY DON'T THEY MAKE THE 112 00:07:23,376 --> 00:07:24,744 WHOLE PLANET OUT OF THE BLACK BOX, AM I RIGHT? 113 00:07:24,811 --> 00:07:34,153 HA-HA, WE'RE DOOMED. THE GOAL OF THIS BLACK BOX IS TO 114 00:07:34,220 --> 00:07:35,855 USE STORAGE DRIVES TO PROVIDE A RECORD FOR FUTURE CIVILIZATIONS 115 00:07:35,922 --> 00:07:39,659 TO UNDERSTAND WHAT CAUSED OUR DEMISE, BY RECORDING "EVERY STEP 116 00:07:39,725 --> 00:07:40,960 WE TAKE" TOWARDS CLIMATE CATASTROPHE. 117 00:07:41,027 --> 00:07:44,697 AND WE HAVE A STATEMENT FROM THE DESIGNER OF THE BLACK BOX. 118 00:07:44,764 --> 00:07:49,936 ♪ EVERY GAME YOU PLAY EVERY NIGHT YOU STAY. 119 00:07:50,002 --> 00:07:58,678 >> BLACK BOX ♪ WE'LL BE WATCHING YOU ♪ 120 00:07:58,744 --> 00:07:59,979 >> Stephen: HE WAS APPARENTLY SINGING INSIDE THE BLACK BOX. 121 00:08:00,046 --> 00:08:01,547 I HAVE A BONE TO PICK: THIS IS ALL ASSUMING FUTURE GENERATIONS 122 00:08:01,614 --> 00:08:04,617 WILL KNOW HOW TO ACCESS OUR OLD TECHNOLOGY. 123 00:08:04,684 --> 00:08:08,454 I CAN'T FIND THE DONGLE FOR MY DIGITAL CAMERA FROM 2008. 124 00:08:08,521 --> 00:08:12,391 THAT TRIP TO ANTIGUA? GONE. 125 00:08:12,458 --> 00:08:14,493 DESIGNERS SAY THE BLACK BOX WILL BE A MONOLITH ABOUT THE SIZE OF 126 00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:16,195 A CITY BUS, MADE OF THREE-INCH-THICK STEEL, AND 127 00:08:16,262 --> 00:08:18,364 PLACED IN AN OPEN FIELD IN AUSTRALIA. 128 00:08:18,431 --> 00:08:21,367 REALLY? AUSTRALIA? 129 00:08:21,434 --> 00:08:23,703 YOU KNOW ABOUT AUSTRALIA, RIGHT? ( WITH AUSTRALIAN ACCENT ) 130 00:08:23,769 --> 00:08:27,907 CRIKEY, LOOKS LIKE IT'S COVERED IN A MIST OF SPIDERS. 131 00:08:27,974 --> 00:08:29,375 NOW IT'S BEING CARRIED OFF BY MILLIONS OF CANNIBAL CRABS. 132 00:08:29,442 --> 00:08:33,246 BETTER HEAD INDOORS. IT'S STARTING TO RAIN SNAKES. 133 00:08:33,312 --> 00:08:35,548 DON'T WORRY, HAPPENS EVERY HOUR DURING RAINY SNAKE SEASON. 134 00:08:35,615 --> 00:08:39,552 NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I HAVE TO FIGHT THIS WALLABY! 135 00:08:39,619 --> 00:08:43,422 PUT EM' UP, POUCHY!" 2340U-- 136 00:08:43,489 --> 00:08:54,800 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THE PROJECT IS A COLLABORATION 137 00:08:54,867 --> 00:08:56,903 BETWEEN A MARKETING COMMUNICATIONS COMPANY CALLED 138 00:08:56,969 --> 00:08:58,504 CLEMENGER BBDO AND THE UNIVERSITY OF TASMANIA. 139 00:08:58,571 --> 00:09:02,308 THE SCHOOL IS VERY EXCITED TO BE HOSTING THIS MONOLITH, AS 140 00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:06,345 EXPLAINED IN THIS STATEMENT FROM THE DEAN OF THE UNIVERSITY OF 141 00:09:06,412 --> 00:09:10,182 TASMANIA: ( BLABBERING GIBBERISH ) 142 00:09:10,249 --> 00:09:12,151 >> Stephen: WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? 143 00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:18,224 HE'S GOT TENURE. ( LAUGHTER ) 144 00:09:18,291 --> 00:09:21,160 BLACK BOX IS BASICALLY A HUGE HARD DRIVE THAT WILL GATHER 145 00:09:21,227 --> 00:09:28,668 CLIMATE-CHANGE DATA, LIKE ATMOSPHERIC CARBON DIOXIDE 146 00:09:28,734 --> 00:09:30,369 LEVELS AND AVERAGE TEMPERATURES, AND USE AN ALGORITHM TO SCOUR 147 00:09:30,436 --> 00:09:33,539 THE WEB FOR TWEETS AND NEWS. NEWS, OKAY, I UNDERSTAND THAT. 148 00:09:33,606 --> 00:09:35,241 BUT I DON'T KNOW IF TWEETS ARE THE BEST RECORD OF HUMANITY. 149 00:09:35,308 --> 00:09:39,578 "IT LOOKS LIKE PAST HUMANS IGNORED GLOBAL WARMING UNTIL IT 150 00:09:39,645 --> 00:09:41,614 WAS TOO LATE, NEVER INVESTED IN GREEN ENERGY, AND MOST OF 151 00:09:41,681 --> 00:09:45,952 THEM KILLED THEMSELVES DOING SOMETHING CALLED 'THE MILK CRATE 152 00:09:46,018 --> 00:09:50,089 CHALLENGE'." ( LAUGHTER ) 153 00:09:50,156 --> 00:09:58,497 ESTIMATE THAT THE DATA STORAGE WILL RUN OUT IN 30 TO 50 YEARS. 154 00:09:58,564 --> 00:10:05,838 HMMM, NOT AN ENCOURAGING SIGN. THAT S LIKE GOING IN FOR SURGERY 155 00:10:05,905 --> 00:10:07,106 AND HAVING YOUR DOCTOR SAY, "DO WE VALIDATE PARKING? 156 00:10:07,173 --> 00:10:11,043 UM... I WOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT THAT. 157 00:10:11,110 --> 00:10:13,079 JUST LEAVE THE KEYS WITH THE NURSE. 158 00:10:13,145 --> 00:10:16,749 JUST LEAVE THE KEYS WITH THE NURSE." 159 00:10:16,816 --> 00:10:25,224 ( APPLAUSE ) THERE'S NEWS ABOUT CALIFORNIA 160 00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:30,663 REPRESENTATIVE AND GOLDFISH WATCHING YOU HAVE SEX, DEVIN 161 00:10:30,730 --> 00:10:34,266 NUNES. YESTERDAY, NUNES ANNOUNCED HE'S 162 00:10:34,333 --> 00:10:37,403 LEAVING CONGRESS BY THE END OF THE YEAR. 163 00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:43,409 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THEY'RE HAPPY FOR HIM YOU KNOW? 164 00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:46,645 THAT'S GOOD. BUT HE WON'T BE OUT OF A JOB, 165 00:10:46,712 --> 00:10:50,082 THANKS TO FORMER PRESIDENT "DOLT 45." 166 00:10:50,149 --> 00:10:53,986 ( LAUGHTER ) C.E.O. OF THE FORMER PRESIDENT'S 167 00:10:54,053 --> 00:10:57,990 NEW MEDIA COMPANY, DESPITE HAVING NO APPARENT PRIOR 168 00:10:58,057 --> 00:11:01,394 EXPERIENCE WORKING IN THE TECH INDUSTRY OR AS AN EXECUTIVE. 169 00:11:01,460 --> 00:11:04,163 INSTEAD, NUNES IS A FORMER DAIRY FARMER. 170 00:11:04,230 --> 00:11:06,365 WELL, THEN HE'S THE PERFECT GUY TO MAKE MONEY OFF THE OLD 171 00:11:06,432 --> 00:11:09,101 PRESIDENT, BECAUSE HE HAS EXPERIENCE MILKING THINGS WITH 172 00:11:09,168 --> 00:11:11,871 LEATHERY SKIN. ( LAUGHTER ) 173 00:11:11,937 --> 00:11:21,614 NUNES DOES HAVE ONE BIT OF 174 00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:28,454 HISTORY WITH SOCIAL MEDIA. HE ONCE SUED TWITTER OVER AN 175 00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:30,856 ACCOUNT PURPORTING TO BE NUNES' COW. 176 00:11:30,923 --> 00:11:32,992 IT'S A TRUE STORY. SO WHAT HAPPENED WAS SOMEBODY 177 00:11:33,059 --> 00:11:34,894 STARTED A TWITTER FEED CALLED "DEVIN NUNES' COW' THAT SAID 178 00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:38,064 NEGATIVE THINGS ABOUT DEVIN NUNES. 179 00:11:38,130 --> 00:11:43,536 LIKE HE'S A BAD FARMER AND STUFF LIKE THAT. 180 00:11:43,602 --> 00:11:48,741 SO NUNES SUED TWITTER FOR $250 MILLION FOR DEFAMATION. 181 00:11:48,808 --> 00:11:50,443 THE CASE, OF COURSE, WAS DISMISSED, AND WE STILL DON'T 182 00:11:50,509 --> 00:11:52,044 KNOW WHO IS BEHIND THE COW TWITTER ACCOUNT. 183 00:11:52,111 --> 00:11:53,612 ALL WE KNOW IS THAT IT'S SOMEONE SMARTER THAN DEVIN NUNES, SO 184 00:11:53,679 --> 00:11:56,215 PROBABLY A COW. ( LAUGHTER ) 185 00:11:56,282 --> 00:12:02,621 NOW, USUALLY-- ( APPLAUSE ) 186 00:12:02,688 --> 00:12:09,195 NOW, USUALLY WHEN THE FORMER PRESIDENT APPOINTS SOMEONE WHO 187 00:12:09,261 --> 00:12:11,764 IS GROSSLY INCOMPETENT TO AN IMPORTANT POSITION, HE HAS A 188 00:12:11,831 --> 00:12:15,401 GOOD REASON: THEY'RE RELATED TO HIM. 189 00:12:15,468 --> 00:12:18,737 THAT MEANS THE ONLY REASON NUNES GOT THIS GIG IS BECAUSE JARED, 190 00:12:18,804 --> 00:12:21,740 DON JR., AND ERIC ALL TURNED IT DOWN. 191 00:12:21,807 --> 00:12:28,447 "SORRY, DAD, NO CAN DO! THAT JOB IS BENEATH ME. 192 00:12:28,514 --> 00:12:32,084 ( APPLAUSE ) CONSIDERED FOR THE ROLE OF CHIEF 193 00:12:32,151 --> 00:12:38,657 EXECUTIVE HUG RECEIVER. BRING IT IN. 194 00:12:38,724 --> 00:12:40,960 BRING IT IN, DAD. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). 195 00:12:41,026 --> 00:12:48,567 LET THE HEALING BEGIN." EVEN IF YOU DIDN'T CATCH IT, 196 00:12:48,634 --> 00:12:51,504 THIS PANDEMIC HAS BEEN BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH, BECAUSE A NEW 197 00:12:51,570 --> 00:12:55,674 STUDY HAS FOUND THAT, FROM 2019 TO 2020, AVERAGE BLOOD PRESSURE 198 00:12:55,741 --> 00:12:57,743 READINGS INCREASED. WELL, YEAH. 199 00:12:57,810 --> 00:13:01,046 FOR SOME REASON, WE WERE ALL A LITTLE ON EDGE LAST YEAR. 200 00:13:01,113 --> 00:13:04,550 IN FACT, HERE'S SOME FOOTAGE OF MY MOST RECENT BLOOD PRESSURE 201 00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:07,720 TEST. 202 00:13:07,786 --> 00:13:11,123 ( BELL RINGS ) ONE OF THE RESEARCHERS 203 00:13:11,190 --> 00:13:12,625 EXPLAINED, "WE OBSERVED THAT PEOPLE WEREN'T EXERCISING AS 204 00:13:12,691 --> 00:13:15,561 MUCH DURING THE PANDEMIC, WEREN'T GETTING REGULAR CARE, 205 00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:17,630 WERE DRINKING MORE, AND SLEEPING LESS." 206 00:13:17,696 --> 00:13:20,432 WELL, NOW YOU DON'T HAVE TO CHOOSE BETWEEN SLEEPING AND 207 00:13:20,499 --> 00:13:21,600 DRINKING, THANKS TO THE NEW PRODUCT: STEPHEN COLBERT'S 208 00:13:21,667 --> 00:13:28,908 SLEEPYTIME DRINK MASK. "TO UNCONSCIOUSNESS AND BEYOND!" 209 00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:31,010 THIS IS SERIOUS-- ( APPLAUSE ) 210 00:13:31,076 --> 00:13:39,518 THIS IS SERIOUS, BECAUSE OVER TIME, HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE CAN 211 00:13:39,585 --> 00:13:43,722 DAMAGE THE HEART, THE BRAIN, AND SEXUAL FUNCTION CAN ALSO BE 212 00:13:43,789 --> 00:13:48,494 AFFECTED. I BELIEVE THAT'S THE PLOT OF 213 00:13:48,561 --> 00:13:50,763 "THE WIZARD OF OZ." THE TIN MAN WANTS A HEART, THE 214 00:13:50,829 --> 00:13:55,134 SCARECROW WANTS A BRAIN, AND THE COWARDLY LION WANTS AN ERECTION. 215 00:13:55,201 --> 00:13:57,503 ( AS BERT LAHR ) GET IT UP!" 216 00:13:57,570 --> 00:14:01,140 WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. 217 00:14:01,207 --> 00:14:03,776 MY GUESTS ARE KRISTIN DAVIS AND CYNTHIA NIXON. 218 00:14:03,842 --> 00:14:05,778 BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, "MEANWHILE"! 219 00:14:05,844 --> 00:14:07,112 JOIN US, WON'T YOU? 220 00:14:51,690 --> 00:14:52,591 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: JON BATISTE AND 221 00:14:52,658 --> 00:14:58,297 STAY HUMAN, EVERYBODY. ( APPLAUSE ) 222 00:14:58,364 --> 00:15:08,173 YEAH, YEAH! YEAH. 223 00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:10,309 >> Stephen: THAT FEELS REALLY GOOD. 224 00:15:10,376 --> 00:15:14,313 GOOD ENERGY. GOOD ENERGY NIGHT. 225 00:15:14,380 --> 00:15:19,451 JON, TONIGHT... ♪ ♪ ♪ 226 00:15:19,518 --> 00:15:21,987 I DON'T KNOW IF YOU WATCH THE "SEX AND THE CITY." 227 00:15:22,054 --> 00:15:24,156 DO YOU REMEMBER THE "SEX AND THE CITY," JON? 228 00:15:24,223 --> 00:15:25,758 HERE-- THIS IS THE CITY WHERE THE SEX WAS. 229 00:15:25,824 --> 00:15:28,827 >> Jon: THAT'S RIGHT, NEW YORK CITY SCBR WELL, THEY'RE BRINGING 230 00:15:28,894 --> 00:15:31,297 BACK THE "SEX AND THE CITY." IT'S CALLED "AND JUST LIKE 231 00:15:31,363 --> 00:15:33,098 THAT." IT'S THE NEW "SEX AND THE CITY," 232 00:15:33,165 --> 00:15:35,734 AND THE LADIES ARE BACK, AND SOME OF THE GENTLEMEN, I ASSUME. 233 00:15:35,801 --> 00:15:39,138 BUT THE LADIES ARE BACK. AND I CAN'T WAIT TO FIND OUT WHO 234 00:15:39,204 --> 00:15:41,240 WINS THIS TIME, THE SEX OR THE SEA. 235 00:15:41,307 --> 00:15:44,977 BECAUSE IT WAS A DRAW LAST TIME. >> Jon: OH, IT WAS A DRAW. 236 00:15:45,044 --> 00:15:48,480 >> Stephen: THEY SAY LET'S JST CALL A TRUCE. 237 00:15:48,547 --> 00:15:51,617 >> Jon: THE SEX DIDN'T WIN. >> Stephen: NO, BUT NEITHER 238 00:15:51,684 --> 00:15:54,753 DID THE CITY. JON, DO YOU KNOW WHICH OF THE 239 00:15:54,820 --> 00:15:56,989 "SEX AND THE CITY" GIRLS YOU WOULD BE, WHICH OF THE LADIES 240 00:15:57,056 --> 00:15:59,892 YOU WOULD BE? HAVE YOU TAKEN THE TEST? 241 00:15:59,958 --> 00:16:01,493 >> Jon: NO, WHO DO YOU THINK I AM. 242 00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:05,831 >> Stephen: I'M CHARLOTTE. 100% I'M CHARLOTTE. 243 00:16:05,898 --> 00:16:08,901 HE SAYS YOU'RE A CHARLOTTE. WE'LL FIND OUT. 244 00:16:08,967 --> 00:16:12,004 WE'LL FIND OUT. KRISTIN DAVIS IS A CHARLOTTE. 245 00:16:12,071 --> 00:16:14,707 WE'LL FIND OUT. WE'LL TAKE THE TEST. 246 00:16:14,773 --> 00:16:20,546 WILL WE? WE WILL NOT BE TAKING THE TEST. 247 00:16:20,612 --> 00:16:22,514 Y'KNOW, FOLKS, I SPEND MOST OF MY TIME RIGHT OVER THERE, 248 00:16:22,581 --> 00:16:25,250 DIGGING DOWN INTO THE NEWS PIT AND MINING FOR YOU THE DAY'S 249 00:16:25,317 --> 00:16:27,720 CLEAREST STORY DIAMONDS, CLEAVING THEM INTO THE MOST 250 00:16:27,786 --> 00:16:30,189 TOPICAL CUTS, FACETING AND POLISHING THEM TO A HIGH FINISH, 251 00:16:30,255 --> 00:16:33,592 THEN SETTING THEM ALL IN A DELICATE 24 KARAT GOLD CHAIN TO 252 00:16:33,659 --> 00:16:44,803 CREATE THE BESPOKE CARTIER NECKLACE THAT IS MY NIGHTLY, 253 00:16:44,870 --> 00:16:46,372 BUT SOMETIMES, SOMETIMES, I HUFF A LITTLE TOO MUCH EPOXY 254 00:16:46,438 --> 00:16:48,240 AND STUMBLE DOWN TO AN ABANDONED PIER, WHERE I FIND A PIECE OF 255 00:16:48,307 --> 00:16:49,875 DISUSED FISHING LINE AND STRING IT WITH OLD BOTTLE CAPS, RUSTY 256 00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:51,377 PADLOCKS, AND BABY TEETH, THEN RIP THE SEAT BELT OUT OF A 257 00:16:51,443 --> 00:16:53,278 BURNED-OUT POLICE CAR TO MAKE A CLASP, THEN PARADE NAKED THROUGH 258 00:16:53,345 --> 00:16:55,147 A CHI-CHI'S WEARING THE PSYCHO CHOKER OF NEWS THAT IS MY 259 00:16:55,214 --> 00:17:00,285 SEGMENT: "MEANWHILE." 260 00:17:00,352 --> 00:17:08,761 ( APPLAUSE ) MAN, THAT'S WHAT CURES WHAT AILS 261 00:17:08,827 --> 00:17:14,266 YOU RIGHT THERE. BRING IT HOME, BABY! 262 00:17:14,333 --> 00:17:18,971 MEANWHILE, ACROSS THE POND, A MAN SECRETLY BUILT THE U .K.'S 263 00:17:19,037 --> 00:17:24,276 BIGGEST MODEL TRAIN SET AND HID IT FROM HIS GIRLFRIEND. 264 00:17:24,343 --> 00:17:25,511 OF COURSE, IT WAS EASY TO HIDE IT FROM HER, BECAUSE SHE 265 00:17:25,577 --> 00:17:29,048 ACTUALLY GOES TO SCHOOL IN CANADA AND ISN'T ON SOCIAL MEDIA 266 00:17:29,114 --> 00:17:32,084 AND THAT'S WHY YOU CAN'T MEET HER. 267 00:17:32,151 --> 00:17:37,956 ( LAUGHTER ) MAN £250,000. 268 00:17:38,023 --> 00:17:42,194 AND I GOTTA SAY, THAT SO -CALLED "BRITISH" MODEL TRAIN ENTHUSIAST 269 00:17:42,261 --> 00:17:45,431 SURE LOOKS AN AWFUL LOT LIKE ANDY RICHTER! 270 00:17:45,497 --> 00:17:49,268 ( LAUGHTER ) WHAT THE... 271 00:17:49,334 --> 00:17:51,203 OF COURSE, THE "ENGLISH" ANDY RICHTER SITS ON THE LEFT SIDE OF 272 00:17:51,270 --> 00:17:57,209 CONAN. MEANWHILE, JUST IN TIME FOR THE 273 00:17:57,276 --> 00:18:00,345 HOLIDAYS, LONDON'S NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM DRESSED THEIR 274 00:18:00,412 --> 00:18:05,417 TYRANNOSAURUS REX IN A GIGANTIC CHRISTMAS SWEATER. 275 00:18:05,484 --> 00:18:08,987 THAT IS NOT GONNA BE EASY FOR HIM TO TAKE OFF. 276 00:18:09,054 --> 00:18:22,734 ( APPLAUSE ) MEANWHILE, A MARYLAND RESIDENT 277 00:18:22,801 --> 00:18:26,738 BURNED DOWN THEIR HOME IN AN ATTEMPT TO GET RID OF SNAKES. 278 00:18:26,805 --> 00:18:30,242 IT TOOK 75 FIREFIGHTERS TO PUT OUT THE BLAZE, AND AFTER ALL 279 00:18:30,309 --> 00:18:34,313 THAT, ONE SNAKE SURVIVED. ( LAUGHTER ) 280 00:18:34,379 --> 00:18:37,549 SO INSTEAD OF LOTS OF REGULAR SNAKES, THE HOMEOWNER NOW HAS 281 00:18:37,616 --> 00:18:39,918 ONE SUPER STRONG, FIRE-PROOF SNAKE WHO'S OUT TO AVENGE HIS 282 00:18:39,985 --> 00:18:48,327 FAMILY. MEANWHILE, AIRLINE PASSENGERS 283 00:18:48,393 --> 00:18:50,863 WERE STUNNED WHEN A WOMN WAS CAUGHT BREASTFEEDING HER 284 00:18:50,929 --> 00:18:54,867 HAIRLESS CAT ON A DELTA FLIGHT. I KNOW, SHOCKING... 285 00:18:54,933 --> 00:18:57,803 THAT THIS DIDN'T HAPPEN ON SPIRIT AIRLINES. 286 00:18:57,870 --> 00:19:07,946 ( LAUGHTER ) THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT CAUGHT THE 287 00:19:08,013 --> 00:19:09,481 WOMAN IN ACTION AND SENT THE GROUND CREW AN ALERT THAT READ: 288 00:19:09,548 --> 00:19:13,685 "PASSENGER IN 13A IS BREASTFEEDING A CAT AND WILL NOT 289 00:19:13,752 --> 00:19:16,588 PUT CAT BACK IN ITS CARRIER WHEN FLIGHT ATTENDANT REQUESTED." 290 00:19:16,655 --> 00:19:18,824 PLUS, THE CAPTAIN HAD JUST TURNED ON THE "NO BREASTFEEDING 291 00:19:18,891 --> 00:19:27,966 YOUR CAT" SIGN. ( LAUGHTER ) 292 00:19:28,033 --> 00:19:33,972 THIS PAST WEEKEND IN MIAMI, AND A BIG ATTRACTION WAS A 293 00:19:34,039 --> 00:19:39,144 RUBBER-DUCKY STUDDED TOILET, WHICH COSTS $300, BUT WHICH THE 294 00:19:39,211 --> 00:19:41,480 ARTIST SAYS DOESN'T FUNCTION. OH, IT FUNCTIONS. 295 00:19:41,547 --> 00:19:45,150 BECAUSE WHEN YOU BUY IT, IT IMMEDIATELY FLUSHES $300 DOWN 296 00:19:45,217 --> 00:19:46,485 THE TOILET. ( LAUGHTER ) 297 00:19:46,552 --> 00:19:57,863 MEANWHILE, IN BELGIUM, THE DEATH METAL BAND OMICRON WANTS YOU TO 298 00:19:57,930 --> 00:20:01,900 KNOW IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE VIRUS. 299 00:20:01,967 --> 00:20:05,671 THIS IS THE MOST UNLUCKY BAND NAME SINCE THE 1920s JAZZ 300 00:20:05,737 --> 00:20:09,908 STYLINGS OF GONORRHEA SAM AND THE THREE HERPES. 301 00:20:09,975 --> 00:20:15,013 ( LAUGHTER ) DAVIS AND CYNTHIA NIXON. 302 00:20:47,713 --> 00:20:50,482 >> Stephen: OH, WELCOME BACK, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! 303 00:20:50,549 --> 00:20:54,186 FOLKS, YOU KNOW MY FIRST GUESTS TONIGHT AS CHARLOTTE AND MIRANDA 304 00:20:54,252 --> 00:20:55,988 FROM "SEX AND THE CITY," AND NOW THEY'RE BACK FOR THE NEW SERIES, 305 00:20:56,054 --> 00:21:09,468 "AND JUST LIKE THAT." PLEASE WELCOME TO "THE LATE 306 00:21:09,534 --> 00:21:13,071 SHOW," KRISTIN DAVIS AND CYNTHIA NIXON! 307 00:21:13,138 --> 00:21:26,618 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 308 00:21:26,685 --> 00:21:31,923 I LIKE IT! >> Stephen: I'M HONORED. 309 00:21:31,990 --> 00:21:34,993 I FEEL LIKE I'M IN THE CAST NOW. >> YOU ARE. 310 00:21:35,060 --> 00:21:37,963 >> YOU GOT CHARLOTTED. >> Stephen: I DID. 311 00:21:38,030 --> 00:21:39,765 YOU MIGHT HAVE HEARD ME TALKING BEFORE. 312 00:21:39,831 --> 00:21:42,300 I ALWAYS THOUGHT I WAS A CHARLOTTE. 313 00:21:42,367 --> 00:21:45,737 WE'LL GET TO THAT IN A MOMENT. WE'LL GO TO THE DATA POINTS THAT 314 00:21:45,804 --> 00:21:47,506 MAKE ONE A CHARLOTTE. >> YOU WERE RIGHT. 315 00:21:47,572 --> 00:21:49,708 >> Stephen: BEFORE WE GET STARTED, I WANT TO TALK ABOUT 316 00:21:49,775 --> 00:21:52,344 THE NEW SERIES. BUT, FIRST, CYNTHIA, THE LAST 317 00:21:52,411 --> 00:21:54,980 TIME YOU WERE HERE, YOU WERE RUNNING FOR GOVERNOR OF THE 318 00:21:55,047 --> 00:21:56,214 STATE OF NEW YORK. >> I WAS. 319 00:21:56,281 --> 00:22:00,519 >> Stephen: YOUR OPPONENT, ANDREW CUOMO-- YOUR OPPONENT IN 320 00:22:00,585 --> 00:22:03,789 THE PRIMARIES, ANDREW CUOMO, HAS TAKEN QUITE A-- QUITE A FALL 321 00:22:03,855 --> 00:22:05,957 FROM GRACE. WOULD YOU LIKE TO TAKE THIS 322 00:22:06,024 --> 00:22:12,230 MOMENT TO GIVE A HEARTY "I TOLD YOU SO" TO ANYONE? 323 00:22:12,297 --> 00:22:15,267 >> UM, NO. I THINK NOT. 324 00:22:15,333 --> 00:22:18,170 BECAUSE -- >> Stephen: DON'T BE GRACIOUS! 325 00:22:18,236 --> 00:22:22,708 >> YOU KNOW, I WILL SAY, THOUGH, WHEN I CAME ON YOUR SHOW DURING 326 00:22:22,774 --> 00:22:24,776 THE RUN, IT WAS THE FIRST SHOW THAT I HAD DONE. 327 00:22:24,843 --> 00:22:26,812 I WAS VERY NERVOUS AND ALL THAT STUFF. 328 00:22:26,878 --> 00:22:31,950 AND YOU WERE SO KIND AND TREATED ME WITH SO MUCH RESPECT AND 329 00:22:32,017 --> 00:22:34,986 SOAP-- YOU KNOW, GAVE ME SO MUCH LEGITIMACY TO BE HERE AND GAVE 330 00:22:35,053 --> 00:22:37,255 ME A PLATFORM. AND I JUST REALLY, REALLY LOVED 331 00:22:37,322 --> 00:22:38,356 IT. >> YAY! 332 00:22:38,423 --> 00:22:41,893 ( APPLAUSE ) I'M SO GLAD. 333 00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:43,829 THAT WASN'T MY INTENTION. ( LAUGHTER ) 334 00:22:43,895 --> 00:22:52,671 ASKED ME A QUESTION ABOUT, WAS IT HARD TO RUN WITH A NAME LIKE 335 00:22:52,738 --> 00:22:55,607 NIXON IN POLITICS? NOT A LOT OF GREAT HISTORY 336 00:22:55,674 --> 00:22:58,243 THERE. AND I SAID AT THE TIME, THAT I 337 00:22:58,310 --> 00:23:02,948 WOULD RATHER BE THE GOOD NIXON THAN THE BAD CUOMO. 338 00:23:03,014 --> 00:23:06,418 >> OOOOH. >> AND AFTERWARDS A T-SHIRT SHOP 339 00:23:06,485 --> 00:23:10,689 IN CHICAGO THAT I'M VERY DEVOTED TO, NAMED THE T -SHIRT DELI, THEY 340 00:23:10,756 --> 00:23:16,228 SENT ME A T-SHIRT THAT SAID, "THE GOOD NIXON" AND I THINK OF 341 00:23:16,294 --> 00:23:17,596 YOU. >> Stephen: THAT'S LOVELY. 342 00:23:17,662 --> 00:23:20,699 OKAY, LET'S GET DOWN TO-- LET'S-- 343 00:23:20,766 --> 00:23:22,968 >> LET'S DO IT. >> Stephen: "SEX AND THE CITY" 344 00:23:23,034 --> 00:23:30,242 RAN FROM '98 AND 2004, AND MOVIE. 345 00:23:30,308 --> 00:23:33,245 IT'S BEEN OVER A DECADE SINCE YOU ALL HAVE PLAYED THESE 346 00:23:33,311 --> 00:23:35,447 CHARACTERS. WHAT IS IT LIKE FOR YOU, IS WHAT 347 00:23:35,514 --> 00:23:38,216 I'M CURIOUS, TO SLIP BACK INTO THE HEELS OF THESE CHARACTERS 348 00:23:38,283 --> 00:23:39,651 AFTER ALL THIS TIME. WHAT'S-- 349 00:23:39,718 --> 00:23:43,822 >> I FELT LIKE IT WAS SO EASY. BCAUSE TO ME, WE'VE SEEN EACH 350 00:23:43,889 --> 00:23:46,625 OTHER THIS WHOLE TIME. AND OF COURSE WHEN WE SEE EACH 351 00:23:46,691 --> 00:23:49,327 OTHER IN LIFE, IT'S DIFFERENT THAN WEARING THE HEEL SCPLZ THE 352 00:23:49,394 --> 00:23:52,164 SHOES AND EVERYTHING, BUT, YOU KNOW, I WAS JUST THRILLED TO BE 353 00:23:52,230 --> 00:23:53,698 BACK. I WAS LIKE IT'S A MIRACLE. 354 00:23:53,765 --> 00:23:59,404 WE'RE IN A WARM HUG TOGETHER. IT'S LIKE THE BEST THING EVER. 355 00:23:59,471 --> 00:24:01,473 IT WAS ALSO TERRIFYING. >> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 356 00:24:01,540 --> 00:24:03,875 >> WELL, YOU KNOW, A LOT OF EXPECTATIONS. 357 00:24:03,942 --> 00:24:06,611 >> YEAH, A LITTLE BIT. >> A LITTLE BIT. 358 00:24:06,678 --> 00:24:09,915 >> A LOT OF SCRUTINIZING. A LOT OF SCRUTINIZING. 359 00:24:09,981 --> 00:24:13,385 >> Stephen: HERE YOU ARE-- SO YOU GUYS ARE ACTUAL FRIENDS, 360 00:24:13,451 --> 00:24:15,654 LIKE, OFF-CAMERA FRIENDS. >> YOU KNOW... 361 00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:21,459 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: ACTUAL FRIENDS OR 362 00:24:21,526 --> 00:24:24,396 VERY GOOD ACTORS. HERE'S A PHOTO OF-- HERE'S A 363 00:24:24,462 --> 00:24:26,264 LITTLE PREVIEW. >> OH, GOD! 364 00:24:26,331 --> 00:24:28,033 IT'S HARD. IT'S REALLY HARD TO LOOK AT. 365 00:24:28,099 --> 00:24:31,636 >> IN 1998. A LIFETIME THAT IS-- 366 00:24:31,703 --> 00:24:36,842 >> CAN YOU GUYS-- A REAL 1998 LOOK, MAN. 367 00:24:36,908 --> 00:24:39,845 >> WE THOUGHT WE WERE IT, MAN. >> Stephen: YOU WERE IT. 368 00:24:39,911 --> 00:24:42,714 THOSE ARE SOME STYLES THAT PLACE YOU IN TIME. 369 00:24:42,781 --> 00:24:47,552 >> I MEAN, FOR REAL, FOR REAL. LOOK AT THE HAIR. 370 00:24:47,619 --> 00:24:51,790 LIKE AT KRISTIN, SHE IS SWEETLY JUST PRETENDING SHE DOESN'T SEE 371 00:24:51,857 --> 00:24:53,291 MY HAIR. IT'S REALLY KIND. 372 00:24:53,358 --> 00:24:55,260 IT'S REALLY KIND. >> AND, LITERALLY, THAT WAS THE 373 00:24:55,327 --> 00:24:58,430 LAST TIME I DANCED IN PUBLIC, AND IT WAS WITH CYNTHIA. 374 00:24:58,496 --> 00:25:00,866 >> Stephen: WHY DO YOU NOT DANCE IN PUBLIC? 375 00:25:00,932 --> 00:25:02,467 >> BECAUSE I DON'T WANT ANYONE TO SEE THAT NOW. 376 00:25:02,534 --> 00:25:03,902 >> Stephen: YOU'RE NOT A DANCER. 377 00:25:03,969 --> 00:25:06,104 >> NO! >> Stephen: NOT EVEN BALLROOM 378 00:25:06,171 --> 00:25:10,108 DANCING OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT? YOU'RE FROM SOUTH CAROLINA-- 379 00:25:10,175 --> 00:25:13,311 >> CHARLOTTE CAN DANCE. >> CHARLOTTE CAN DANCE. 380 00:25:13,378 --> 00:25:15,881 >> Stephen: BUT YOU CANNOT. SO WHEN YOU ACT LIKE CHARLOTTE, 381 00:25:15,947 --> 00:25:18,683 YOU CAN DANCE. >> THERE ARE A LOT OF LESSONS 382 00:25:18,750 --> 00:25:20,318 INVOLVED, OKAY, INTRODUCTION AND LESSONS AND PRACTICE. 383 00:25:20,385 --> 00:25:25,490 >> Stephen: I DID IT, OKAY. SO HOW HAVE THESE YOUNG LADIES 384 00:25:25,557 --> 00:25:27,158 CHANGED IN ( WHISTLES 385 00:25:27,225 --> 00:25:30,195 ( 23 YEARS? >> THAT'S HARD TO EVEN 386 00:25:30,262 --> 00:25:31,863 ENUMERATE. >> YOU KNOW, IT'S REALLY FUNNY 387 00:25:31,930 --> 00:25:35,367 BECAUSE WHEN THE ORIGINAL SHOW STARTED, EVERYBODY WOULD ALWAYS 388 00:25:35,433 --> 00:25:37,435 ASK US, "HOW ARE YOU LIKE YOUR CHARACTER?" 389 00:25:37,502 --> 00:25:41,273 AND I WOULD SAY THAT MIRANDA AND I BOTH, YOU KNOW, FEEL KIND OF 390 00:25:41,339 --> 00:25:45,176 CONFIDENT ABOUT OUR BRAINS. BUT OTHER THAN THAT, THERE'S 391 00:25:45,243 --> 00:25:48,280 REALLY NO SIMILARITY. YOU KNOW, MIRANDA AND I ARE 392 00:25:48,346 --> 00:25:53,084 DIFFERENT IN EVERY WAY-- YOU KNOW, LOOK, SHE WAS, YOU KNOW, 393 00:25:53,151 --> 00:25:55,854 NOT DOMESTIC AT ALL. SHE WAS NOT A MOM. 394 00:25:55,921 --> 00:25:59,024 >> RIGHT, RIGHT. >> SHE WAS NOT REALLY INTERESTED 395 00:25:59,090 --> 00:26:00,992 IN BECOMING A MOM. >> TRUE, TRUE. 396 00:26:01,059 --> 00:26:05,397 >> SHE WAS VERY FOCUSED-- I'M VERY FOCUSED ON MY CAREER, TOO, 397 00:26:05,463 --> 00:26:08,900 AND I'M A VERY DOMESTIC PERSON. >> SHE'S AN EXCELLENT COOK. 398 00:26:08,967 --> 00:26:12,504 >> AND NOT A BIG DATER. WHAT WAS INTERESTING TO ME AT 399 00:26:12,570 --> 00:26:16,641 THE END OF SIX YEARS IN THE SHOW AS WE WERE DOING ALL THESE EXIT 400 00:26:16,708 --> 00:26:22,914 INTERVIEWS WITH PEOPLE WHO WOULD AGAIN ASK US THIS QUESTION, I 401 00:26:22,981 --> 00:26:25,817 FOUND MYSELF SAYING, "MIRANDA AND I ARE ALIKE IN EVERY SINGLE 402 00:26:25,884 --> 00:26:28,286 WAY." I FEEL LIKE-- OF COURSE WHEN 403 00:26:28,353 --> 00:26:29,487 YOU'RE ON A SHOW A LONG TIME, THEY WRITE TOWARD YOU, AND 404 00:26:29,554 --> 00:26:33,091 MIRANDA GOT MORE AND MORE, NOT DOMESTIC, BUT SHE FOUND HER 405 00:26:33,158 --> 00:26:35,126 INNER-- >> WARMTH. 406 00:26:35,193 --> 00:26:37,729 >> Stephen: KRISTIN, HOW IS CHARLOTTE LIKE YOU? 407 00:26:37,796 --> 00:26:41,800 >> WELL, I USED TO ALSO HAVE A VERY SPECIFIC LIST OF PROS AND 408 00:26:41,866 --> 00:26:43,835 CONS AND SIMILARITIES AND DISSIMILARITIES. 409 00:26:43,902 --> 00:26:47,238 AND THEN THEY DID START TO WEAVE, AND I THINK A LOT OF THAT 410 00:26:47,305 --> 00:26:49,007 IS MICHAEL PATRICK KING, OUR HEAD WRIERPT. 411 00:26:49,074 --> 00:26:52,477 WE HAVE HAD NUMEROUS DIFFERENT AMAZING WRITERS. 412 00:26:52,544 --> 00:26:59,250 AND HE CALLS IT BESPOKE WRITING. >> WHAT DOES HE CALL IT? 413 00:26:59,317 --> 00:27:02,354 OH, BESPOKE. >> TO YOUR FORTES, TO YOUR 414 00:27:02,420 --> 00:27:03,655 STRENGTHS. WHEN THE SHOW WAS FIRST ON, 415 00:27:03,722 --> 00:27:07,392 PEOPLE WOULD COME UP TO SARAH AND TELL HER THEIR SEX STORIES. 416 00:27:07,459 --> 00:27:09,828 >> DEFINITELY, DEFINITELY. >> AND I THINK THEY WOULD BEND 417 00:27:09,894 --> 00:27:12,330 YOUR EAR A LOT. AND I THINK PEOPLE WOULD 418 00:27:12,397 --> 00:27:14,299 APPROACH ME LESS BECAUSE I SCARED THEM, FRANKLY. 419 00:27:14,366 --> 00:27:16,868 >> IT'S SO TRUE. IT'S SO TRUE. 420 00:27:16,935 --> 00:27:19,104 IT'S SO TRUE. WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK, 421 00:27:19,170 --> 00:27:25,810 BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, KRISTIN WILL REVEAL MY CAMEO IN THE 422 00:27:25,877 --> 00:27:26,978 UPCOMING SERIES. STICK AROUND. 423 00:27:33,918 --> 00:27:37,922 WE'RE BACK WITH CYNTHIA NIXON AND KRISTIN DAVIS. 424 00:27:37,989 --> 00:27:41,760 NOW, BOTH OF YOU HAVE HAD MANY ROMANTIC INTERESTS OVER THE 425 00:27:41,826 --> 00:27:45,830 COURSE OF THE SERIES. CYNTHIA, I UNDERSTAND YOU HAVE A 426 00:27:45,897 --> 00:27:48,800 FAVORITE ONE, A STORY THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO SHARE. 427 00:27:48,867 --> 00:27:51,202 >> I LIKE THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY, REALLY. 428 00:27:51,269 --> 00:27:53,438 >> Stephen: I HAVE A HINT ABOUT WHAT THIS IS, AND I HAVE A 429 00:27:53,505 --> 00:27:55,040 HINT FOR YOU, TOO. >> I CAN'T WAIT! 430 00:27:55,106 --> 00:28:00,445 >> THERE WAS AN EPISODE WHERE THE FAMOUS PHRASE, "HE'S JUST 431 00:28:00,512 --> 00:28:04,649 NOT THAT INTO YOU, "WAS COINED, WHERE MIRANDA LEARNS THAT, YOU 432 00:28:04,716 --> 00:28:07,585 KNOW, IF GUYS DON'T SEEM THAT INTERESTED, YOU KNOW, THEY'RE 433 00:28:07,652 --> 00:28:13,558 JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU, GIVE UP. SO MIRANDA DATED A GUY WHO THEN 434 00:28:13,625 --> 00:28:16,161 WAS TRYING TO LEAVE QUICKLY AFTER THE DATE. 435 00:28:16,227 --> 00:28:20,498 AND SHE SAID, "IT'S FINE, YOU'RE NOT THAT INTO ME, IT'S FINE." 436 00:28:20,565 --> 00:28:23,968 AND HE BLURTED OUT, "I HAVE DIARRHEA AND I HAVE TO LEAVE." 437 00:28:24,035 --> 00:28:26,471 WE WERE ALL SITTING AROUND ON THE SET THE OTHER DAY, AND 438 00:28:26,538 --> 00:28:28,873 SOMEHOW ONE OF THE WRITERS WHO WAS A WRITER ON THE OLD SHOW 439 00:28:28,940 --> 00:28:35,580 SAID THAT, ACTUALLY, STEPHEN COLBERT WAS ALMOST CAST IN THAT 440 00:28:35,647 --> 00:28:37,649 PART. AND I HAVE TO SAY THE GUY WHO 441 00:28:37,715 --> 00:28:40,285 DID IT WAS GREAT. NOTHING AGAINST HIM. 442 00:28:40,351 --> 00:28:42,487 HE WAS FANTASTIC -- >> Stephen: THEY WROTE THAT 443 00:28:42,554 --> 00:28:47,559 WITH ME IN MIND? ( LAUGHTER ) 444 00:28:47,625 --> 00:28:53,364 >> I WOULDN'T GO THAT FAR, BUT I-- I DO BELIEVE THT YOU WERE 445 00:28:53,431 --> 00:28:57,202 IN SOME WAY CONSIDERED FOR THE ROLE, AND THEY-- YOU KNOW, THEY 446 00:28:57,268 --> 00:28:58,603 HAD-- >> YOU WERE THE DREAM. 447 00:28:58,670 --> 00:29:02,774 >> Stephen: I CAN-- I CAN ADD TO YOUR STORY BY SAYING THE 448 00:29:02,841 --> 00:29:09,581 OPENING LINE OF THAT SCENE IS, "THAT WAS SOME HOT BURIONI," AND 449 00:29:09,647 --> 00:29:12,217 I KNOW THAT, BECAUSE I AUDITIONED FOR THAT PART. 450 00:29:12,283 --> 00:29:15,887 AND DIDN'T GET IT. EVIDENTLY, I DID NOT HAVE THE 451 00:29:15,954 --> 00:29:19,057 ACTING CHOPS TO ACT LIKE A HAD DIARRHEA. 452 00:29:19,124 --> 00:29:24,229 ( LAUGHTER ) I DID NOT PLAY-- 453 00:29:24,295 --> 00:29:26,197 >> THAT'S PROBABLY GOOD, STEPHEN. 454 00:29:26,264 --> 00:29:27,599 THAT'S PROBABLY GOOD. >> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW IF IT 455 00:29:27,665 --> 00:29:29,734 IS. TO THIS DAY, IF I GO TO AN 456 00:29:29,801 --> 00:29:34,906 INDIAN RESTAURANT, AND I SEE IF THEY HAVE THAT ON THE MENU, I 457 00:29:34,973 --> 00:29:38,943 GET THAT'S SOME SPICY BRUNNIA. IT STAYED WITH ME. 458 00:29:39,010 --> 00:29:41,279 I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU AND I HAVE A CAMEO TOGETHER IN THE NEW 459 00:29:41,346 --> 00:29:43,581 SERIES. >> WE DO. 460 00:29:43,648 --> 00:29:46,518 >> Stephen: IS THIS TRUE? I'M HONORED IF THIS IS TRUE. 461 00:29:46,584 --> 00:29:47,986 WHAT IS GOING ON IN THAT PHOTOGRAPH? 462 00:29:48,052 --> 00:29:49,787 >> WELL-- >> I LOVE THE POSE, TOO. 463 00:29:49,854 --> 00:29:52,924 >> I WAS REALLY TRYING TO LOOK COOL. 464 00:29:52,991 --> 00:29:55,660 THAT'S CHARLOTTE TRYING TO LOOK COOL WITH HER HOT DATE. 465 00:29:55,727 --> 00:29:59,063 >> Stephen: SURE. >> AT THE SCHOOL GALA WHERE YOU, 466 00:29:59,130 --> 00:30:03,067 STEPHEN COLBERT, ARE AN AUCTION ITEM FOR MY CHILDREN-- MY 467 00:30:03,134 --> 00:30:07,405 PRETEND CHILDREN. >> TICKETS TO YOUR SHOW. 468 00:30:07,472 --> 00:30:10,074 PERHAPS NOT YOU. >> Stephen: IT'S TICKETS FOR 469 00:30:10,141 --> 00:30:10,942 THE SCHOOL. >> YES. 470 00:30:11,009 --> 00:30:12,911 >> Stephen: WOW, THAT IS BELIEVABLE. 471 00:30:12,977 --> 00:30:14,245 >> IT IS. >> Stephen: DO YOU WIN? 472 00:30:14,312 --> 00:30:17,248 >> AND WE HAD GOOD FUN WITH YOU. >> Stephen: WITH THE CUTOUT. 473 00:30:17,315 --> 00:30:20,251 >> YES. >> YOU MAKE A VERY HANDSOME 474 00:30:20,318 --> 00:30:21,553 COUPLE. >> Stephen: THANK YOU SO MUCH 475 00:30:21,619 --> 00:30:24,289 MEAN SHOULD HAVE AUDITIONED. MAYBE HE'S A BETTER ACTOR THAN I 476 00:30:24,355 --> 00:30:26,558 AM. >> MAYBE IT'S THE TUX. 477 00:30:26,624 --> 00:30:28,760 >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE ANOTHER BREAK. 478 00:30:28,826 --> 00:30:30,395 STICK AROUND, WE'LL BE BACK WITH MORE KRISTIN DAVIS AND CYNTHIA 479 00:30:30,461 --> 00:30:31,196 NIXON, EVERYBODY. ♪ ♪ ♪ 480 00:30:55,153 --> 00:30:57,322 ( APPLAUSE ) CYNTHIA NIXON AND KRISTIN DAVIS. 481 00:30:57,388 --> 00:31:00,425 NOW, YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN SHOOTING ALL AROUND THE CITY. 482 00:31:00,491 --> 00:31:03,261 >> FOR A WHILE. >> Stephen: STARTING WHEN? 483 00:31:03,328 --> 00:31:05,196 >> IN JULY. >> JULY 7, OR SOMETHING. 484 00:31:05,263 --> 00:31:08,333 >> Stephen: HERE'S A SHOT OF YOU GUYS-- THIS IS YOU GUYS, 485 00:31:08,399 --> 00:31:12,270 RIGHT? >> YES, THAT'S-- 486 00:31:12,337 --> 00:31:14,339 ( LAUGHING ). >> Stephen: THIS IS NOT JUST 487 00:31:14,405 --> 00:31:18,142 YOU GUYS AT LUNCH. THIS IS YOU GUYS SHOOTING. 488 00:31:18,209 --> 00:31:23,281 >> WE'RE IN DRESSING AND STUFF. THAT'S HOW YOU KNOW WE'RE 489 00:31:23,348 --> 00:31:24,349 WORKING. >> Stephen: THERE IS SO MUCH 490 00:31:24,415 --> 00:31:27,418 SECRECY ABOUT THIS. WE DON'T EVEN HAVE A CLIP TO 491 00:31:27,485 --> 00:31:29,254 SHOW THE AUDIENCE RIGHT NOW. >> SORRY. 492 00:31:29,320 --> 00:31:30,922 >> Stephen: DO YOU WORRY ABOUT SPOILERS? 493 00:31:30,989 --> 00:31:33,458 >> IT WAS VERY HIGHLY INTENSE, YES. 494 00:31:33,524 --> 00:31:36,694 >> WE WORRY CONSTANTLY, YES. >> Stephen: I HAVE AN 495 00:31:36,761 --> 00:31:40,265 IMPORTANT QUESTION HERE, IS THAT THERE ARE RUMORS THAT YOU GUYS 496 00:31:40,331 --> 00:31:44,168 ACTUALLY SHOT SCENES AROUND NEW YORK THAT ARE FAKE SCENES TO 497 00:31:44,235 --> 00:31:47,572 THROW PEOPLE OFF THE SCENT TO TRY TO STOP PEOPLE FROM KNOWING 498 00:31:47,639 --> 00:31:52,176 WHAT THE PLOT OF THE SERIES IS. >> YES DEFINITELY. 499 00:31:52,243 --> 00:31:55,713 >> YES, DEFINITELY! >> Stephen: I BELIEVE YOU. 500 00:31:55,780 --> 00:32:01,286 >> THAT'S WHY I PLAY CHARLOTTE. ( LAUGHING ) 501 00:32:01,352 --> 00:32:02,387 >> YES. >> Stephen: WOW. 502 00:32:02,453 --> 00:32:06,257 >> IT MIGHT BE TRUE. >> Stephen: THAT'S A YES AND A 503 00:32:06,324 --> 00:32:07,692 MAYBE. THAT'S A TRUE. 504 00:32:07,759 --> 00:32:11,396 >> Stephen: OKAY, NOW-- >> WE WANT THE FANS TO ENJOY THE 505 00:32:11,462 --> 00:32:12,964 SHOW. I THINK THAT'S THE IMPORTANT 506 00:32:13,031 --> 00:32:15,800 PART. YOU KNOW, LIKE, WE DON'T WANT 507 00:32:15,867 --> 00:32:20,705 THEM TO KNOW-- WE DON'T WANT THEM TO READ THE CLIFF NOTES 508 00:32:20,772 --> 00:32:21,839 BEFOREHAND. >> Stephen: I UNDERSTAND. 509 00:32:21,906 --> 00:32:25,076 HAVE THERE BEEN ANY GUESSES OUT THERE THAT ARE RIGHT? 510 00:32:25,143 --> 00:32:28,613 >> NO! ( LAUGHTER ) 511 00:32:28,680 --> 00:32:31,482 >> THIS IS FUN. >> Stephen: IS IT DISTRACTING? 512 00:32:31,549 --> 00:32:33,751 BECAUSE YOU GUYS CAN'T DO ANYTHING WITHOUT GETTING 513 00:32:33,818 --> 00:32:36,254 ATTENTION AROUND THE CITY. I'M SURE YOU GOT TONS OF 514 00:32:36,321 --> 00:32:39,123 ATTENTION WHEN YOU DID THE SERIES, BUT IT WAS A SERIES 515 00:32:39,190 --> 00:32:40,258 ONGOING. NOW EVERYBODY IS TRYING TO 516 00:32:40,325 --> 00:32:43,695 FIGURE OUT WHAT'S GOING ON. YOU MUST GET MOBBED WHEN YOU 517 00:32:43,761 --> 00:32:46,531 SHOOT ANYWHERE. IS THAT A CHALLENGING THING WHEN 518 00:32:46,597 --> 00:32:49,467 PEOPLE-- THERE ARE NOiPHONES BACK THEN. 519 00:32:49,534 --> 00:32:52,704 >> AND VERY LITTLE SOCIAL MEDIA. I HAVE TO SAY, WE STARTED 520 00:32:52,770 --> 00:32:55,273 SHOOTING IN JULY, AND THE CITY WAS JUST COMING OUT OF THE 521 00:32:55,340 --> 00:32:58,409 LOCKDOWN. SO IT WAS SO AMAZING FOR US TO 522 00:32:58,476 --> 00:32:59,944 BE BACK PLAYING THESE CHARACTERS. 523 00:33:00,011 --> 00:33:01,713 >> IT WAS. >> AND BACK WITH EACH OTHER. 524 00:33:01,779 --> 00:33:05,783 BUT, ALSO, I THINK IT WAS EXCITING FOR PEOPLE, AND IT WAS 525 00:33:05,850 --> 00:33:08,553 OBVIOUSLY OBVIOUSLY, VERY EXCITING FOR US TO SEE PEOPLE ON 526 00:33:08,619 --> 00:33:10,922 THE STREET WATCHING US BECAUSE IT FELT LIKE NEW YORK COMING 527 00:33:10,988 --> 00:33:12,123 BACK. >> Stephen: YOU GUYS 528 00:33:12,190 --> 00:33:14,525 OBVIOUSLY, FAMOUSLY, IN THE SERIES, IN THE MOVIES ARE A 529 00:33:14,592 --> 00:33:16,494 QUARTET. NOW THERE'S NO SAMANTHA. 530 00:33:16,561 --> 00:33:20,898 YOU'RE JUST A TRIO. WHAT'S THAT TRANSITION LIKE FROM 531 00:33:20,965 --> 00:33:23,901 A QUARTET TO A TRIO. >> I DON'T FEEL LIKE-- WE ARE A 532 00:33:23,968 --> 00:33:31,642 TRIO, THE THREE ORIGINAL WOMEN. BUT I FEEL LIKE NOW WE'RE A SE 533 00:33:31,709 --> 00:33:36,013 PTET. THERE ARE SEVEN OF US. 534 00:33:36,080 --> 00:33:38,783 THERE'S-- >> AND THEY'RE AMAZING. 535 00:33:38,850 --> 00:33:42,720 >> THEY'RE AMAZING. >> AND I REALLY AM SO GRATIFIED. 536 00:33:42,787 --> 00:33:44,922 WE KNEW THE SHOW WAS GOING TO EXPAND AND THERE WERE GOING TO 537 00:33:44,989 --> 00:33:47,692 BE MORE PEOPLE, AND IT WAS SUCH AN INCREDIBLY WHITE SHOW WHEN IT 538 00:33:47,759 --> 00:33:50,628 WAS ON THE FIRST TIME. SO GIVEN AN OPPORTUNITY TO GO 539 00:33:50,695 --> 00:33:52,797 BACK AND CHANGE THAT WAS, YOU KNOW, VERY WELCOME. 540 00:33:52,864 --> 00:33:55,133 >> THAT WAS A HUGE PART OF WHY WE'RE HERE. 541 00:33:55,199 --> 00:33:59,737 >> YEAH. .BUT, ALSO, IT WAS AMAZING TO ME 542 00:33:59,804 --> 00:34:02,407 THAT THEY DIDN'T TRY AND PUT, YOU KNOW, 25-YEAR-OLDS WITH US. 543 00:34:02,473 --> 00:34:04,675 THEY BROUGHT US PEOPLE WHO WERE VERY MUCH OUR PEERS. 544 00:34:04,742 --> 00:34:06,444 AND THAT WAS AMAZING. >> YES. 545 00:34:06,511 --> 00:34:10,715 >> Stephen: THAT IS LOVELY. ( APPLAUSE ) 546 00:34:10,782 --> 00:34:15,653 ( LAUGHING ) ). >> Stephen: WE KNOW THAT 547 00:34:15,720 --> 00:34:17,755 SAMANTHA IS FINE. SHE'S NOT DEAD IN THE SERIES, 548 00:34:17,822 --> 00:34:18,556 RIGHT? SHE'S JUST GONE. 549 00:34:18,623 --> 00:34:21,592 >> WE WILL NEITHER CONFIRM NOR DENY. 550 00:34:21,659 --> 00:34:25,163 >> Stephen: SO IT'S POSSIBLE-- >> SHE'S NOT LIKE A LAWYER AT 551 00:34:25,229 --> 00:34:27,465 ALL. >> Stephen: IT'S POSSIBLE SHE 552 00:34:27,532 --> 00:34:31,335 STARTED DATING A DAJUN AND WAS EATEN BY AN ALLIGATOR, SOMETHING 553 00:34:31,402 --> 00:34:34,639 LIKE, THAT OR DATING A CLOWN AND EATEN BY A LION. 554 00:34:34,705 --> 00:34:37,241 >> WOW, CREATIVE IDEAS. >> ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. 555 00:34:37,308 --> 00:34:38,976 YOU WILL HAVE TO TUNE IN TO FIND OUT. 556 00:34:39,043 --> 00:34:41,746 >> VERY SOON YOU WILL FIND OUT. >> Stephen: BEFORE WE GO, I 557 00:34:41,813 --> 00:34:45,283 WANT TO TALK ABOUT YOUR FRIEND, 558 00:34:45,349 --> 00:34:49,353 WILLIE GARRISON HERE, WHO PLAYED SANFORD, A BELOVED MEMBER OF THE 559 00:34:49,420 --> 00:34:51,122 SECOND CITY FAMILY WHO PASSED AWAY. 560 00:34:51,189 --> 00:34:54,192 HE'S ACTUALLY IN THE NEW SERIES. >> HE'S IN THE FIRST THREE 561 00:34:54,258 --> 00:34:55,359 EPISODES. >> THIS IS HIM ON THE SET. 562 00:34:55,426 --> 00:35:00,531 HOW WILL YOU REMEMBER HIM? >> I MEAN, WILLIE WAS JUST A 563 00:35:00,598 --> 00:35:03,401 PERSON WHO JUST LIGHTENED ANY SITUATION THAT HE WAS IN AND 564 00:35:03,468 --> 00:35:06,571 JUST WOULD HAVE YOU IN STITCHES WITHIN, YOU KNOW, A MINUTE OF 565 00:35:06,637 --> 00:35:10,675 COMING INTO A CONVERSATION. LIKE, HE WAS A PERSON WITH 566 00:35:10,741 --> 00:35:13,544 INCREDIBLE STORIES, LIKE SHOW BUSINESS STORIES AND STORIES 567 00:35:13,611 --> 00:35:17,815 ABOUT HIS OWN, YOU KNOW, ZANY LIFE AND HIS FAMILY THAT HE 568 00:35:17,882 --> 00:35:20,351 COMES FROM AND THE FAMILY THAT HE CREATED. 569 00:35:20,418 --> 00:35:25,690 AND HE'S JUST A PERSON WHO-- I DON'T KNOW-- JUST WAS ALWAYS 570 00:35:25,756 --> 00:35:28,960 WITH THE JOKES. >> JOY AND SO INCREDIBLY 571 00:35:29,026 --> 00:35:32,864 BRILLIANT AND SMART AND REALLY EVEN-- EVEN BEING SICK, WHICH WE 572 00:35:32,930 --> 00:35:36,601 DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT IN THE BEGINNING, HE STILL BROUGHT SO 573 00:35:36,667 --> 00:35:37,969 MUCH JOY-- JOY-- 574 00:35:38,035 --> 00:35:42,173 >> ALWAYS JUST HAD US LAUGHING. AND WE WERE, YOU KNOW, I THINK 575 00:35:42,240 --> 00:35:44,976 IT'S FAIR TO SAY WE SHOT WITH HIM FOR A LONG TIME NOT KNOWING 576 00:35:45,042 --> 00:35:47,912 HE WAS SICK, AND THEN THINGS GOT BAD ENOUGH THAT WE WERE 577 00:35:47,979 --> 00:35:49,313 INFORMED. SO I THINK WE'RE ALSO VERY 578 00:35:49,380 --> 00:35:52,583 GRATEFUL THAT WE HAD A FEW DAYS WITH HIM, KNOWING THAT HE WAS 579 00:35:52,650 --> 00:35:55,686 SICK AND WE COULD TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT AND HE COULD TALK TO US 580 00:35:55,753 --> 00:35:58,122 ABOUT IT. AND THAT I THINK WAS A REALLY 581 00:35:58,189 --> 00:36:01,692 IMPORTANT THING FOR ALL OF US. >> BUT IT'S HARD. 582 00:36:01,759 --> 00:36:03,928 ( VOICE BREAKING ) I WISH HE WERE HERE, YOU KNOW,. 583 00:36:03,995 --> 00:36:05,763 >> Stephen: THANK YOU BOTH FOR BEING HERE. 584 00:36:05,830 --> 00:36:08,199 >> THANK YOU, STEPHEN. >> Stephen: THANK YOU FOR 585 00:36:08,266 --> 00:36:09,700 SHARING YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT YOUR FRIEND, TOO. 586 00:36:09,767 --> 00:36:14,839 THANK YOU. ( APPLAUSE ) 587 00:36:14,906 --> 00:36:19,710 KRISTIN DAVIS AND CYNTHIA NIXON, EVERYBODY! 588 00:36:19,777 --> 00:36:21,178 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY GLASS ANIMALS. 589 00:36:21,245 --> 00:36:21,979 STICK AROUND. 590 00:36:30,555 --> 00:36:33,724 THEIR FIRST GRAMMY NOMINATION FOR BEST NEW ARTIST. 591 00:36:33,791 --> 00:36:37,328 PERFORMING "HEAT WAVES" FROM THEIR ALBUM, "DREAMLAND," 592 00:36:37,395 --> 00:36:43,968 GLASS ANIMALS! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 593 00:36:44,035 --> 00:36:46,270 ♪ (LAST NIGHT, ALL I THINK ABOUT IS YOU) 594 00:36:46,337 --> 00:36:53,244 ♪ (DON'T STOP, BABY, YOU CAN WALK THROUGH) 595 00:36:53,311 --> 00:36:54,078 ♪ SOMETIMES, ALL I THINK ABOUT IS YOU 596 00:36:54,145 --> 00:36:55,279 ♪ LATE NIGHTS IN THE MIDDLE OF JUNE 597 00:36:55,346 --> 00:37:00,818 ♪ HEAT WAVES BEEN FAKIN' ME OUT CAN'T MAKE YOU HAPPIER NOW 598 00:37:00,885 --> 00:37:03,254 ♪ SOMETIMES, ALL I THINK ABOUT IS YOU 599 00:37:03,321 --> 00:37:06,057 ♪ LATE NIGHTS IN THE MIDDLE OF JUNE 600 00:37:06,123 --> 00:37:11,963 ♪ HEAT WAVES BEEN FAKIN' ME OUT CAN'T MAKE YOU HAPPIER NOW 601 00:37:12,029 --> 00:37:14,999 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ USUALLY, I PUT SOMETHIN' ON TV 602 00:37:15,066 --> 00:37:18,502 SO WE NEVER THINK ABOUT ♪ YOU AND ME 603 00:37:18,569 --> 00:37:20,871 BUT TODAY, I SEE OUR REFLECTIONS ♪ CLEARLY 604 00:37:20,938 --> 00:37:23,774 IN HOLLYWOOD, ♪ LAYIN' ON THE SCREEN 605 00:37:23,841 --> 00:37:26,611 YOU JUST NEED A BETTER ♪ LIFE THAN THIS 606 00:37:26,677 --> 00:37:29,380 YOU NEED SOMETHIN' ♪ I CAN NEVER GIVE 607 00:37:29,447 --> 00:37:33,718 FAKE WATER ALL ACROSS THE ROAD ♪ IT'S GONE NOW, 608 00:37:33,784 --> 00:37:36,053 THE NIGHT HAS COME, BUT ♪ ♪ ♪ 609 00:37:36,120 --> 00:37:38,389 ♪ SOMETIMES, ALL I THINK ABOUT IS YOU 610 00:37:38,456 --> 00:37:41,559 ♪ LATE NIGHTS IN THE MIDDLE OF JUNE 611 00:37:41,626 --> 00:37:47,298 ♪ HEAT WAVES BEEN FAKIN' ME OUT CAN'T MAKE YOU HAPPIER NOW 612 00:37:47,365 --> 00:37:48,432 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ YOU CAN'T FIGHT IT, 613 00:37:48,499 --> 00:37:52,436 YOU CAN'T BREATHE ♪ YOU SAY SOMETHIN' SO LOVIN', 614 00:37:52,503 --> 00:37:59,410 BUT NOW I GOTTA LET YOU GO ♪ YOU'LL BE BETTER OFF 615 00:37:59,477 --> 00:38:02,279 IN SOMEONE NEW ♪ I DON'T WANNA BE ALONE 616 00:38:02,346 --> 00:38:07,985 YOU KNOW IT HURTS ME TOO ♪ YOU LOOK SO BROKEN WHEN 617 00:38:08,052 --> 00:38:09,086 YOU CRY ♪ ONE MORE AND THEN 618 00:38:09,153 --> 00:38:11,622 I SAY GOODBYE ♪ ♪ ♪ 619 00:38:11,689 --> 00:38:14,158 ♪ SOMETIMES, ALL I THINK ABOUT IS YOU 620 00:38:14,225 --> 00:38:17,294 ♪ LATE NIGHTS IN THE MIDDLE OF JUNE 621 00:38:17,361 --> 00:38:23,134 ♪ HEAT WAVES BEEN FAKIN' ME OUT CAN'T MAKE YOU HAPPIER NOW 622 00:38:23,200 --> 00:38:25,970 ♪ SOMETIMES, ALL I THINK ABOUT IS YOU 623 00:38:26,037 --> 00:38:28,839 ♪ LATE NIGHTS IN THE MIDDLE OF JUNE 624 00:38:28,906 --> 00:38:32,943 ♪ HEAT WAVES BEEN FAKIN' ME OUT CAN'T MAKE YOU HAPPIER NOW 625 00:38:33,010 --> 00:38:37,948 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ I JUST WONDER WHAT YOU'RE 626 00:38:38,015 --> 00:38:39,984 DREAMIN' OF ♪ WHEN YOU SLEEP AND SMILE 627 00:38:40,051 --> 00:38:43,788 SO COMFORTABLE ♪ I JUST WISH THAT I COULD 628 00:38:43,854 --> 00:38:46,757 GIVE YOU THAT ♪ THAT LOOK THAT'S PERFECTLY 629 00:38:46,824 --> 00:38:47,958 UN-SAD ♪ SOMETIMES, ALL I THINK ABOUT 630 00:38:48,025 --> 00:38:50,961 IS YOU ♪ LATE NIGHTS IN THE MIDDLE 631 00:38:51,028 --> 00:38:55,933 OF JUNE ♪ HEAT WAVES BEEN FAKIN' ME OUT 632 00:38:56,000 --> 00:39:01,839 HEAT WAVES BEEN FAKIN' ME OUT ♪ ♪ ♪ 633 00:39:01,906 --> 00:39:04,442 ♪ SOMETIMES, ALL I THINK ABOUT IS YOU 634 00:39:04,508 --> 00:39:07,678 ♪ LATE NIGHTS IN THE MIDDLE OF JUNE 635 00:39:07,745 --> 00:39:13,718 ♪ HEAT WAVES BEEN FAKIN' ME OUT CAN'T MAKE YOU HAPPIER NOW 636 00:39:13,784 --> 00:39:16,253 ♪ SOMETIMES, ALL I THINK ABOUT IS YOU 637 00:39:16,320 --> 00:39:19,457 ♪ LATE NIGHTS IN THE MIDDLE OF JUNE 638 00:39:19,523 --> 00:39:25,229 ♪ HEAT WAVES BEEN FAKIN' ME OUT CAN'T MAKE YOU HAPPIER NOW 639 00:39:25,296 --> 00:39:27,665 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ROAD SHIMMER WIGGLIN' 640 00:39:27,732 --> 00:39:29,100 THE VISION ♪ HEAT, HEAT WAVES, 641 00:39:29,166 --> 00:39:32,937 I'M SWIMMIN' IN A MIRROR ♪ ROAD SHIMMER WIGGLIN' 642 00:39:33,003 --> 00:39:35,139 THE VISION ♪ HEAT, HEAT WAVES, 643 00:39:35,206 --> 00:39:38,943 I'M SWIMMIN' IN A MIRROR ♪ ♪ ♪ 644 00:39:39,009 --> 00:39:44,782 ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 645 00:39:44,849 --> 00:39:46,851 EVERYBODY! THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW." 646 00:39:46,917 --> 00:39:48,452 TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUEST WILL BE CBS NEWS COVID EXPERT, 647 00:39:48,519 --> 00:39:51,622 DR. DAVID AGUS. JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT. 648 00:39:51,689 --> 00:39:56,660 GOOD NIGHT! 649 00:39:56,727 --> 00:40:00,664 >> Stephen: THIS IS THE WORST CASE OF A BAND ACTUALLY SHARING 650 00:40:00,731 --> 00:40:06,504 AN A NAME WITH A DISEASE THAN GONORRHEA SAM AND THE HERPES. 651 00:40:06,570 --> 00:40:13,778 1930s, AN INTEGRATED BAND. THEY GET OVERLOOKED-- THEY GOT 652 00:40:13,844 --> 00:40:16,413 OVERLOOKED BECAUSE THEY WERE CALLED GONORRHEA SAM AND THE 653 00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:18,883 THREE HERPES. BUT IT WAS REALLY BOLD AT THE 654 00:40:18,949 --> 00:40:20,918 TIME. GONORRHEA SAM WAS A FREE 655 00:40:20,985 --> 00:40:23,087 THINKER. THEY COULDN'T PLAY IN A LOT OF 656 00:40:23,154 --> 00:40:26,690 CLUBS. NOT BECAUSE OF THE NAME. 657 00:40:26,757 --> 00:40:33,230 AND THEY GET NO CREDIT FOR THAT! JUST BECAUSE OF THEIR NAME. 658 00:40:33,297 --> 00:40:36,934 WE'LL BE BACK, OR WE WON'T.