1 00:00:01,935 --> 00:00:05,572 >> ACCORDING TO THE "NEW YORK TIMES," CUTE CATS ARE BEING USED 2 00:00:05,638 --> 00:00:09,576 TO SPREAD MISINFORMATION ONLINE. 3 00:00:09,642 --> 00:00:13,580 CATS LIKE KEYBOARD CAT, GRUMPY CAT, AND LIL BUB ARE BEING USED 4 00:00:13,646 --> 00:00:16,015 BY MISINFORMATION PEDDLERS TO DRAW AN AUDIENCE IN AND THEN 5 00:00:16,082 --> 00:00:17,650 REDIRECT THEM TO A PUBLICATION OR SITE SPREADING FALSE 6 00:00:17,717 --> 00:00:21,654 INFORMATION. 7 00:00:50,517 --> 00:00:52,385 >> ANNOUNCER: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT." 8 00:00:52,452 --> 00:01:01,961 TONIGHT: TREE'S COMPANY. 9 00:01:02,028 --> 00:01:05,432 PLUS JEFF GOLDBLUM TAKES THE COLBERT QUESTIONERT. 10 00:01:05,498 --> 00:01:11,204 AND REMEMBERING STEPHEN SONDHEIM. 11 00:01:11,271 --> 00:01:16,009 FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN. 12 00:01:16,075 --> 00:01:18,144 AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK 13 00:01:18,211 --> 00:01:23,550 CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 14 00:01:23,616 --> 00:01:28,188 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 15 00:01:28,254 --> 00:01:29,889 >> Stephen: THERE YOU ARE! 16 00:01:29,956 --> 00:01:32,692 HEY, I GOT THAT MONEY I OWE YOU. 17 00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:34,594 I'LL SEE YOU AFTER THE SHOW. 18 00:01:34,661 --> 00:01:36,129 I GOT IT. 19 00:01:36,196 --> 00:01:37,597 I DON'T WELCH. 20 00:01:37,664 --> 00:01:39,999 I DON'T WELCH. 21 00:01:40,066 --> 00:01:41,601 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). 22 00:01:41,668 --> 00:01:52,345 ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: OH, WOW, WELCOME, 23 00:01:52,412 --> 00:01:57,584 WELCOME, ONE AND ALL TO "THE LATE SHOW." 24 00:01:57,650 --> 00:01:58,718 I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. 25 00:01:58,785 --> 00:02:01,821 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) AND HAPPY, HAPPY-- YOU FEEL THAT 26 00:02:01,888 --> 00:02:02,322 JON? 27 00:02:02,388 --> 00:02:03,122 >> Jon: I FEEL THAT. 28 00:02:03,189 --> 00:02:04,657 >> Stephen: WHAT WOULD YOU CALL THAT. 29 00:02:04,724 --> 00:02:06,326 >> Jon: THAT IS A FRIDAY AUDIENCE. 30 00:02:06,392 --> 00:02:09,596 >> Stephen: THAT IS A FRIDAY AUDIENCE. 31 00:02:09,662 --> 00:02:15,702 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THE HOLIDAYS ARE RIGHT AROUND 32 00:02:15,768 --> 00:02:21,641 THE CORNER, WHICH MEANS DOWN IN D.C., IT'S A TIME FOR BOTH 33 00:02:21,708 --> 00:02:23,042 PARTIES TO PUT ASIDE THEIR DIFFERENCES AND REACH ACROSS THE 34 00:02:23,109 --> 00:02:25,044 AISLE FOR A COMMON CAUSE: MURDERING A PINE TREE. 35 00:02:25,111 --> 00:02:28,047 THE CAPITOL CHRISTMAS TREE WENT UP THIS WEEK, AND IT ISN'T ANY 36 00:02:28,114 --> 00:02:29,582 ORDINARY CONIFER. 37 00:02:29,649 --> 00:02:33,586 NO, IT'S EIGHT STORIES HIGH, AND THE U.S. FOREST SERVICE HAS 38 00:02:33,653 --> 00:02:36,823 NAMED IT "SUGAR BEAR." 39 00:02:36,890 --> 00:02:38,091 OF COURSE, IT'S TRADITIONAL FOR HOLIDAY TREES TO BE NAMED AFTER 40 00:02:38,157 --> 00:02:39,225 1970S PIMPS. 41 00:02:39,292 --> 00:02:41,594 LAST YEAR, MY FAMILY OPENED PRESENTS UNDER A BLUE SPRUCE 42 00:02:41,661 --> 00:02:44,063 NAMED "BIG KING ROOSTER." 43 00:02:44,130 --> 00:02:48,234 ( LAUGHTER ) LET'S CHECK OUT THIS BAD BOY. 44 00:02:48,301 --> 00:02:48,701 WOOO! 45 00:02:48,768 --> 00:02:50,670 THAT IS BEAUTIFUL. 46 00:02:50,737 --> 00:02:53,573 THERE IT STANDS AT THE CAPITOL, THE SAME HALLOWED GROUND WHERE 47 00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:56,109 AMERICA'S RACIST UNCLES GATHERED TO SHIMMY DOWN THE CHIMNEY AND 48 00:02:56,175 --> 00:03:00,380 PINCH OUT A SUGAR PLUM ON NANCY PELOSI'S DESK. 49 00:03:00,446 --> 00:03:01,814 ( LAUGHTER ) BUT AS WE ALL KNOW, THE MOST 50 00:03:01,881 --> 00:03:04,250 IMPORTANT MOMENT OF ANY CHRISTMAS TREE LIGHTING CEREMONY 51 00:03:04,317 --> 00:03:09,589 IS THE AWKWARD LEADUP TO FLIPPING THE SWITCH. 52 00:03:09,656 --> 00:03:13,526 >> NOW WE'RE COUNTING FROM FIVE. 53 00:03:13,593 --> 00:03:17,597 FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE. 54 00:03:17,664 --> 00:03:25,572 ( APPLAUSE ) >> STEPHEN: OH, THAT'S FUN! 55 00:03:25,638 --> 00:03:28,041 THOUGH, IT'S HARD TO TELL IF THAT COUNTDOWN WAS ABOUT THE 56 00:03:28,107 --> 00:03:29,542 TREE OR BIDEN'S POLL NUMBERS. 57 00:03:29,609 --> 00:03:30,977 I KNOW, SOMETIMES JOKES ARE SAD. 58 00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:33,546 ( LAUGHTER ) BUT YOU HAVE TO-- YOU HAVE TO 59 00:03:33,613 --> 00:03:34,480 FAY IT. 60 00:03:34,547 --> 00:03:35,481 THEN IT GETS FUNNY. 61 00:03:35,548 --> 00:03:37,884 ( LAUGHTER ) BUT THAT'S NOT THE ONLY FESTIVE 62 00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:39,319 FIRE HAZARD IN D.C. 63 00:03:39,385 --> 00:03:41,588 YESTERDAY, THE WHITE HOUSE HELD THE NATIONAL CHRISTMAS TREE 64 00:03:41,654 --> 00:03:45,858 LIGHTING, WHICH FEATURED SPECIAL GUESTS CHRIS STAPLETON, KRISTIN 65 00:03:45,925 --> 00:03:51,197 CHENOWETH, AND BILLY PORTER-- THOUGH IT WAS A LITTLE AWKWARD 66 00:03:51,264 --> 00:03:52,398 WHEN BILLY PORTER SHOWED UP WEARING THE EXACT SAME OUTFIT AS 67 00:03:52,465 --> 00:03:53,600 THE TREE. 68 00:03:53,666 --> 00:03:57,604 ( LAUGHTER ) WHAT CAN I SAY? 69 00:03:57,670 --> 00:03:58,271 BILLY WORE IT BETTER. 70 00:03:58,338 --> 00:03:59,138 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 71 00:03:59,205 --> 00:04:04,243 NOW THIS-- THIS YEAR-- BILLY PORTER FANS. 72 00:04:04,310 --> 00:04:05,278 BILLY PORTER FANS. 73 00:04:05,345 --> 00:04:09,048 THIS YEAR-- THIS YEAR IS ACTUALLY THE 99th NATIONAL 74 00:04:09,115 --> 00:04:13,286 CHRISTMAS TREE LIGHTING. 75 00:04:13,353 --> 00:04:14,554 HERE'S A PHOTO OF THE FIRST ONE WAY BACK IN 1923-- OH, AND HEY, 76 00:04:14,621 --> 00:04:15,588 LOOK! 77 00:04:15,655 --> 00:04:16,255 THERE'S JOE BIDEN! 78 00:04:16,322 --> 00:04:18,925 ( LAUGHTER ) HE LOOKS GOOD. 79 00:04:18,992 --> 00:04:21,060 HE LOOKS GOOD! 80 00:04:21,127 --> 00:04:21,761 HE LOOKS FANTASTIC. 81 00:04:21,828 --> 00:04:22,462 >> Jon: HE WAS THERE. 82 00:04:22,528 --> 00:04:23,296 >> Stephen: HE WAS THERE. 83 00:04:23,363 --> 00:04:29,602 >> Jon: I DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS THERE. 84 00:04:29,669 --> 00:04:31,604 ( LAUGHTER ) >> STEPHEN: OF COURSE, TONIGHT 85 00:04:31,671 --> 00:04:33,573 IS ALSO THE SIXTH NIGHT OF HANUKKAH. 86 00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:36,476 AND THIS WEEK AT THE WHITE HOUSE, PRESIDENT BIDEN AND VICE 87 00:04:36,542 --> 00:04:40,079 PRESIDENT HARRIS HOSTED A FAMILY HANUKKAH CELEBRATION. 88 00:04:40,146 --> 00:04:42,081 AND IT WAS PARTICULARLY SPECIAL, BECAUSE IT INCLUDED THE FIRST 89 00:04:42,148 --> 00:04:45,618 JEWISH SPOUSE OF A VICE PRESIDENT, SECOND GENTLEMAN, AND 90 00:04:45,685 --> 00:04:53,593 DAD ABOUT TO HAND THE WAITER HIS CLEAN PLATE AND PLAYFULLY SAY, 91 00:04:53,660 --> 00:04:56,562 "WE HATED IT." DOUG EMHOFF. 92 00:04:56,629 --> 00:04:57,363 EMHOFF-- ( APPLAUSE ). 93 00:04:57,430 --> 00:05:00,500 SURE GIVE IT UP FOR EMHOFF. 94 00:05:00,566 --> 00:05:02,902 THEY DIG DOUG. 95 00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:04,270 EMHOFF CELEBRATED BY LIGHTING THE MENORAH WITH SENATE MAJORITY 96 00:05:04,337 --> 00:05:08,641 LEADER, CHUCK SCHUMER. 97 00:05:08,708 --> 00:05:12,278 SCHUMER ALMOST DIDN'T MAKE IT TO THE CEREMONY, BECAUSE HE FIRST 98 00:05:12,345 --> 00:05:15,982 HAD TO GET PERMISSION FROM JOE MANCHIN. 99 00:05:16,049 --> 00:05:21,621 YEAH, AGAIN, SOMETIMES JOKES ARE SAD. 100 00:05:21,688 --> 00:05:23,322 SPEAKING OF THINGS THAT LAST LONGER THAN YOU EXPECTED, THE 101 00:05:23,389 --> 00:05:24,424 PANDEMIC. 102 00:05:24,490 --> 00:05:27,060 THIS LAST WEEK WE LEARNED THERE'S A NEW VERSION OF THE 103 00:05:27,126 --> 00:05:29,595 CORONAVIRUS, WHICH IS BAD, BUT THERE'S ALSO A NEW VERSION OF 104 00:05:29,662 --> 00:05:33,599 TAYLOR SWIFT'S "ALL TOO WELL," WHICH IS GOOD-- AND ALMOST AS 105 00:05:33,666 --> 00:05:35,635 CATCHY. 106 00:05:35,702 --> 00:05:37,603 BUT NOW, SOMETHING HAS HAPPENED THAT HAS SHAKEN ME TO MY CORE-- 107 00:05:37,670 --> 00:05:41,574 AND AFTER 20 MONTHS OF PANDEMIC, I BARELY HAVE A CORE LEFT. 108 00:05:41,641 --> 00:05:46,846 WE JUST LEARNED THAT BIG RETAILER DOLLAR TREE IS BUMPING 109 00:05:46,913 --> 00:05:49,582 UP THEIR PRICES TO $1.25 FOR MOST ITEMS. 110 00:05:49,649 --> 00:05:53,720 ( BOOING ) HEY, "DOLLAR" IS RIGHT IN THE 111 00:05:53,786 --> 00:05:55,021 NAME OF THE STORE! 112 00:05:55,088 --> 00:05:56,956 I HAVEN'T BEEN THIS UPSET SINCE I FOUND OUT THAT PANDA EXPRESS 113 00:05:57,023 --> 00:05:57,757 DOES NOT SERVE REAL PANDA! 114 00:05:57,824 --> 00:06:05,598 L( LAUGHTER ) I THINK IT'S TO-FANDA. 115 00:06:05,665 --> 00:06:09,602 THIS IS NOT A RASH DECISION, THOUGH. 116 00:06:09,669 --> 00:06:11,504 DOLLAR TREE TESTED THE NEW PRICES AND FOUND THAT 91% OF 117 00:06:11,571 --> 00:06:13,473 CUSTOMERS SAID THEY WOULD CONTINUE TO SHOP THERE DESPITE 118 00:06:13,539 --> 00:06:14,474 THE PRICE CHANGE. 119 00:06:14,540 --> 00:06:16,209 SURE, BUT IS THAT 91% OUT OF 100, OR OUT OF 125? 120 00:06:16,275 --> 00:06:20,847 BECAUSE, APPARENTLY, NUMBERS DON'T MEAN ANYTHING ANYMORE TO 121 00:06:20,913 --> 00:06:21,247 YOU ANIMALS! 122 00:06:21,314 --> 00:06:22,014 ( APPLAUSE ). 123 00:06:22,081 --> 00:06:23,750 >> Jon: YEAH, WHAT ARE THEY DOING? 124 00:06:23,816 --> 00:06:26,519 I CAN'T GET A BAG OF SALTED PENUTS. 125 00:06:26,586 --> 00:06:28,855 >> Stephen: LISTEN TO HOW UPSET I AM! 126 00:06:28,921 --> 00:06:31,357 THIS IS MY UPSET VOICE. 127 00:06:31,424 --> 00:06:33,593 OF COURSE, DOLLAR TREE ISN'T THE ONLY RETAILER FEELING THE PINCH 128 00:06:33,659 --> 00:06:35,595 THIS YEAR. 129 00:06:35,661 --> 00:06:37,930 I'LL TELL YOU THE LATEST ON THE ONGOING SUPPLY CHAIN CRISIS IN 130 00:06:37,997 --> 00:06:45,571 TONIGHT'S "CARGO UNCHAINED: BOOZE EDITION." 131 00:06:45,638 --> 00:06:47,106 >> BARTENDER! 132 00:06:47,173 --> 00:06:48,341 I'LL HAVE ANOTHER. 133 00:06:48,407 --> 00:06:52,078 OF ANYTHING. 134 00:06:52,145 --> 00:06:54,814 >> STEPHEN: THE LATEST SUPPLY CHAIN SNAFU IS HITTING THE 135 00:06:54,881 --> 00:06:58,184 BEVERAGE INDUSTRY, WHERE THERE IS A GROWING ALCOHOL SHORTAGE, 136 00:06:58,251 --> 00:07:01,587 INCLUDING HIGH-END RUMS, COGNACS, AND TEQUILA. 137 00:07:01,654 --> 00:07:06,893 NO TEQUILA?! 138 00:07:06,959 --> 00:07:09,028 WELL, TIME TO UPDATE THE SONG. 139 00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:09,729 HIT IT! 140 00:07:09,796 --> 00:07:17,570 ( BAND PLAYS TEQUILA ) WATER! 141 00:07:17,637 --> 00:07:21,107 >> Stephen: THAT'S QUALITY, IT'S A LONG-- IT'S A LONG WALK 142 00:07:21,174 --> 00:07:21,808 TO THE WELL. 143 00:07:21,874 --> 00:07:22,441 ( APPLAUSE ). 144 00:07:22,508 --> 00:07:23,409 >> Jon: BUT IT WAS WORTH IT. 145 00:07:23,476 --> 00:07:24,811 >> Stephen: BUT THERE WAS WATER IN THERE. 146 00:07:24,877 --> 00:07:27,046 >> Jon: THERE WAS WATER IN THERE. 147 00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:29,582 >> Stephen: LONG WALK, LONG WALK. 148 00:07:29,649 --> 00:07:33,586 BUT WAIT, THERE'S LESS! 149 00:07:33,653 --> 00:07:39,559 THERE'S ALSO SHORTAGES OF WINE, WHICH EXPLANATION I FEEL THE 150 00:07:39,625 --> 00:07:40,726 SAME WAY. 151 00:07:40,793 --> 00:07:41,894 WHICH EXPLAINS YOUR SUBURBAN MOM'S NEW T-SHIRT: "DON'T TALK 152 00:07:41,961 --> 00:07:45,598 TO MOMMY UNTIL SOMEONE HAS RESOLVED THE KINKS IN THE GLOBAL 153 00:07:45,665 --> 00:07:47,466 SUPPLY CHAIN." 154 00:07:47,533 --> 00:07:51,170 IT'S BEEN NEARLY 11 MONTHS-- 11 MONTHS-- SINCE THE CAPITOL 155 00:07:51,237 --> 00:07:56,709 INSURRECTION, AND THE JUSTICE KEEPS HITTING THE FAN. 156 00:07:56,776 --> 00:07:58,177 AND I'LL TELL YOU THE LATEST IN TONIGHT'S "SEDITIONIST ROUND-UP 157 00:07:58,244 --> 00:07:59,312 ROUNDUP." 158 00:07:59,378 --> 00:08:03,516 >> IT WOULD BE-HOOVE THESE ASSES TO PONY UP FOR A LAWYER. 159 00:08:03,583 --> 00:08:05,585 ( LAUGHTER ) >> STEPHEN: TONIGHT, IN THE RING 160 00:08:05,651 --> 00:08:08,554 OF WRONG, WE'VE GOT OATH KEEPER AND ACTOR JAMES BEEKS, SEEN HERE 161 00:08:08,621 --> 00:08:12,859 SHOWING HIS RANGE FROM "BANKER COWBOY" TO "COWBOY BANKER." 162 00:08:12,925 --> 00:08:14,126 BEEKS WAS ARRESTED LAST WEEK FOR ALLEGEDLY ATTEMPTING TO BREAK 163 00:08:14,193 --> 00:08:16,062 THROUGH A LINE OF POLICE OFFICERS GUARDING THE SENATE 164 00:08:16,128 --> 00:08:18,898 CHAMBER. 165 00:08:18,965 --> 00:08:21,634 BUT IT TURNS OUT, HE'S NOT JUST A THREAT. 166 00:08:21,701 --> 00:08:25,605 HE'S A TRIPLE THREAT, BECAUSE UNTIL HIS ARREST, HE WAS 167 00:08:25,671 --> 00:08:28,174 PLAYING JUDAS IN THE TOURING PRODUCTION OF THE ANDREW LLOYD 168 00:08:28,241 --> 00:08:29,742 WEBBER MUSICAL "JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR." 169 00:08:29,809 --> 00:08:33,579 A BROADWAY PERFORMER WAS AT THE INSURRECTION? 170 00:08:33,646 --> 00:08:35,982 THAT EXPLAINS WHY HE WAS GIVING NOTES TO THE OTHER RIOTERS: 171 00:08:36,048 --> 00:08:37,583 "NO, NO, NO. 172 00:08:37,650 --> 00:08:44,423 WHEN YOU SCREAM 'HANG MIKE PENCE!' YOU DO IT FROM YOUR 173 00:08:44,490 --> 00:08:48,861 DIAPHRAGM ♪ HANG MIKE FENCE ♪ 174 00:08:48,928 --> 00:08:51,764 BUT INVESTIGATORS FINALLY FOUND BEEKS AFTER ATTENDING TWO 175 00:08:51,831 --> 00:08:54,433 PERFORMANCES OF "JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR." 176 00:08:54,500 --> 00:08:56,502 REALLY? 177 00:08:56,569 --> 00:08:57,570 TWO PERFORMANCES? 178 00:08:57,637 --> 00:09:01,407 COME ON, F.B.I., JUST ADMIT YOU LIKE A GOOD MUSICAL. 179 00:09:01,474 --> 00:09:02,909 "I THINK WE NEED TO GO BACK TOMORROW NIGHT TO BUY A 180 00:09:02,975 --> 00:09:03,943 T-SHIRT-- I MEAN, I.D. THE PERP. 181 00:09:04,010 --> 00:09:05,578 DO YOU THINK HE WOULD SIGN MY 'PLAYBILL'-- I MEAN, 182 00:09:05,645 --> 00:09:09,815 'SUBPOENA'?" THIS WEEK, BEEKS WAS IN COURT, 183 00:09:09,882 --> 00:09:14,754 AND HE GOT HIMSELF IN HOT WATER WHEN HE TOLD THE JUDGE THAT HE 184 00:09:14,820 --> 00:09:17,223 HAD DIVINE AUTHORITY AND ARGUED THE GOVERNMENT HAD NO 185 00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:17,723 JURISDICTION OVER HIM. 186 00:09:17,790 --> 00:09:20,059 "DIVINE AUTHORITY"? 187 00:09:20,126 --> 00:09:21,627 DOES HE THINK HE IS HIS CHARACTER FROM "JESUS CHRIST 188 00:09:21,694 --> 00:09:24,630 SUPERSTAR?" ( LAUGHTER ) 189 00:09:24,697 --> 00:09:25,731 GOD, I WISH HE'D BEEN IN "CATS." 190 00:09:25,798 --> 00:09:28,534 "YOUR HONOR, THIS IS NOT A JELLICLE COURT, SO IT HAS NO 191 00:09:28,601 --> 00:09:29,235 AUTHORITY OVER JELLICLE CATS. 192 00:09:29,302 --> 00:09:29,602 I REST MY CASE. 193 00:09:29,669 --> 00:09:33,272 MEOW. 194 00:09:33,339 --> 00:09:34,006 I SAID MEOW, SIR!" ( LAUGHTER ) 195 00:09:34,073 --> 00:09:45,584 ( APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪ 196 00:09:45,651 --> 00:09:55,695 ( LAUGHTER ) BUT THE JUDGE MUST HAVE BEEN A 197 00:09:55,761 --> 00:09:57,596 FAN, BECAUSE BEEKS WAS RELEASED UNDER STRICT CONDITIONS, 198 00:09:57,663 --> 00:10:01,600 INCLUDING THAT HE OBSERVE A CURFEW AND WEAR A G.P.S. 199 00:10:01,667 --> 00:10:04,070 TRACKING DEVICE. 200 00:10:04,136 --> 00:10:05,671 SO GET READY TO SEE JAMES BEEKS STAR IN "JOSEPH AND THE AMAZING 201 00:10:05,738 --> 00:10:08,874 TECHNICOLOR ANKLE MONITOR." 202 00:10:08,941 --> 00:10:11,944 ( LAUGHTER ) BUT EVEN THOUGH-- 203 00:10:12,011 --> 00:10:13,045 ( APPLAUSE ) OH, I FORGOT. 204 00:10:13,112 --> 00:10:16,082 NOW I HAVE TO BRING IT HOME. 205 00:10:16,148 --> 00:10:17,883 BUT EVEN THOUGH HE'S NOT GOING TO BE A TOURING BROADWAY ARTIST 206 00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:21,954 ANYMORE, BEEKS HAS ANOTHER CAREER TO FALL BACK ON. 207 00:10:22,021 --> 00:10:25,591 BECAUSE HIS YOUTUBE PAGE ALSO LISTS HIM AS ONE OF THE TOP 208 00:10:25,658 --> 00:10:33,599 MICHAEL JACKSON TRIBUTE ARTISTS IN THE U.S. 209 00:10:33,666 --> 00:10:37,603 IT MAKES SENSE, BECAUSE THIS GUY IS "BAD," AND HE CLEARLY "WANNA 210 00:10:37,670 --> 00:10:41,574 BE STARTING SOMETHING," BUT HE'S NO "SMOOTH CRIMINAL" BECAUSE WE 211 00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:45,544 ALL "REMEMBER THE TIME" BIDEN WON THE ELECTION, BUT BEEKS 212 00:10:45,611 --> 00:10:49,448 TRIED TO "BEAT IT" AND LEFT CAPITOL MAINTENANCE HAVING TO 213 00:10:49,515 --> 00:10:50,649 CLEAN POOP "OFF THE WALL." 214 00:10:50,716 --> 00:10:53,586 BEEKS CAN "SAY SAY SAY" WHATEVER HE WANTS, AND "SCREAM" ABOUT 215 00:10:53,652 --> 00:10:57,590 SOVEREIGN CITIZENSHIP, BUT HE'LL GO DOWN IN "HISTORY" AS 216 00:10:57,656 --> 00:11:01,594 SOMEBODY SERIOUSLY "DANGEROUS." 217 00:11:01,660 --> 00:11:02,428 "P.Y.T." 218 00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:03,963 ( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 219 00:11:04,030 --> 00:11:08,200 WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. 220 00:11:08,267 --> 00:11:10,069 I GIVE JEFF GOLDBLUM THE COLBERT QUESTIONERT. 221 00:11:10,136 --> 00:11:12,505 BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, IT'S "MEANWHILE." 222 00:11:12,571 --> 00:11:14,573 IT'S "MEANWHILE" Y'ALL. 223 00:11:48,874 --> 00:11:49,875 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: JON BATISTE AND 224 00:11:49,942 --> 00:11:51,944 STAY HUMAN, EVERYBODY. 225 00:11:52,011 --> 00:11:52,445 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). 226 00:11:52,511 --> 00:11:54,447 THERE IT IS. 227 00:11:54,513 --> 00:11:57,883 THERE IT IS. 228 00:11:57,950 --> 00:12:02,922 WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY. 229 00:12:02,988 --> 00:12:06,392 YOU KNOW, FOLKS, I SPEND MOST OF MY TIME RIGHT OVER THERE, 230 00:12:06,459 --> 00:12:08,928 COMBING OVER THE DAY'S NEWS, SELECTING ONLY THE HIGHEST 231 00:12:08,994 --> 00:12:10,996 QUALITY AND MOST TOPICAL BONDED CALFSKIN-LEATHER STORIES, 232 00:12:11,063 --> 00:12:16,502 CAREFULLY TANNING AND CUTTING THEM WITH MILLIMETER PRECISION, 233 00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:18,437 THEN WEAVING IT ALL TOGETHER IN A DOUBLE-FACED INTRE-CCIATO 234 00:12:18,504 --> 00:12:20,940 PATTERN TO CREATE FOR YOU THE EXQUISITE BOTTEGA VENETA CLUTCH 235 00:12:21,006 --> 00:12:25,811 THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE. 236 00:12:25,878 --> 00:12:27,079 BUT SOMETIMES, WHILE AT A RAVE IN A CONDEMNED CEMENT FACTORY, I 237 00:12:27,146 --> 00:12:29,515 GET INJECTED WITH A MYSTERY COCKTAIL OF HALLUCINOGENS AND 238 00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:32,518 PAINT SOLVENTS, THEN, OBEYING THE VOICES WHO WILL STEAL MY 239 00:12:32,585 --> 00:12:34,453 TEETH IF I DON'T, I STUMBLE INTO A SHIPYARD WHERE I RIP THE 240 00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:38,457 CANVAS TARP FROM A GRAVEL TRUCK, TIE IT OFF WITH THE ROPE FROM A 241 00:12:38,524 --> 00:12:42,061 ROTTING FISHING NET, THEN WANDER A FOOD COURT, FILLING IT WITH 242 00:12:42,128 --> 00:12:44,930 WHAT I THINK ARE GOLD COINS BUT ARE, IN FACT, OTHER PEOPLE'S CAR 243 00:12:44,997 --> 00:12:50,503 KEYS, TO DRAG AROUND THE ROOTLESS TRANSIENT'S CLUTTER 244 00:12:50,569 --> 00:12:54,440 SACK OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT: "MEANWHILE!" 245 00:12:54,507 --> 00:12:58,310 ( APPLAUSE ) IT'S LIKE COMING HOME, BABY. 246 00:12:58,377 --> 00:13:02,948 IT'S LIKE BEING KISSED BY YOUR MOM. 247 00:13:03,015 --> 00:13:08,921 MEANWHILE, RESEARCHERS AT GEORGIA TECH HAVE DISCOVERED A 248 00:13:08,988 --> 00:13:11,023 MASSIVE "MARVEL" PLOT HOLE: THANOS COULDN'T HAVE SNAPPED 249 00:13:11,090 --> 00:13:14,326 WHILE WEARING A GLOVE. 250 00:13:14,393 --> 00:13:15,394 AMAZING! 251 00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:18,464 THEY FOUND AN UNREALISTIC THING IN A "MARVEL" MOVIE. 252 00:13:18,531 --> 00:13:21,100 ( LAUGHTER ) ALSO, QUICK FOLLOW-UP, 253 00:13:21,167 --> 00:13:22,468 SCIENTISTS: HOW'S THAT CURE FOR CANCER COMING ALONG? 254 00:13:22,535 --> 00:13:25,437 JUST CHECKING. 255 00:13:25,504 --> 00:13:27,072 NOW, THE HEAD RESEARCHER EXPLAINED THAT HE WAS SKEPTICAL 256 00:13:27,139 --> 00:13:30,910 FROM THE START, SAYING, "I WAS LIKE, NO WAY CAN THAT THANOS 257 00:13:30,976 --> 00:13:32,211 SNAP WITH THAT INFINITY GAUNTLET. 258 00:13:32,278 --> 00:13:33,412 I BET, LIKE, THE SOFTNESS OF OUR SKIN HAS SOMETHING TO DO 259 00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:34,547 WITH IT." 260 00:13:34,613 --> 00:13:41,620 HE'S JUST FOLLOWING THE TIME-HONORED SCIENTIFIC METHOD: 261 00:13:41,687 --> 00:13:43,789 MAKE AN OBSERVATION, ASK A QUESTION, WONDER WHY EVERYONE'S 262 00:13:43,856 --> 00:13:45,391 LEAVING THE PARTY, SIT ALONE IN BED AND TELL YOURSELF THAT IF 263 00:13:45,457 --> 00:13:50,496 "WONDER WOMAN" WERE REAL, SHE'D THINK YOU WERE INTERESTING. 264 00:13:50,563 --> 00:13:53,098 MEANWHILE, IN CANADA, A DEER WAS SEEN WANDERING AN ALBERTA TOWN 265 00:13:53,165 --> 00:13:56,769 WITH ANTLERS FULL OF CHRISTMAS LIGHTS. 266 00:13:56,835 --> 00:13:57,870 OH, BOY. 267 00:13:57,937 --> 00:14:02,441 THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS AT SANTA'S OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY. 268 00:14:02,508 --> 00:14:05,544 BLITZEN GETS BLITZED AND THEN JEALOUSLY TRIES TO OUTDO 269 00:14:05,611 --> 00:14:10,382 RUDOLPH: "YOU'RE NOT SPECIAL, RUDY! 270 00:14:10,449 --> 00:14:12,418 YOU WERE BORN LIKE THAT! 271 00:14:12,484 --> 00:14:14,453 THIS TOOK THOUGHT, YOU FREAK!" ( LAUGHTER ) 272 00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:15,487 BLITZEN'S NOT NICE. 273 00:14:15,554 --> 00:14:16,388 BLITZEN IS THE MEAN ONE. 274 00:14:16,455 --> 00:14:20,926 YOU CAN TELL. 275 00:14:20,993 --> 00:14:25,364 MEANWHILE, WE'RE ALL HOPING FOR BREAKTHROUGH TECHNOLOGIES TO 276 00:14:25,431 --> 00:14:26,966 FREE US FROM DEPLETING THE WORLD OF PRECIOUS RESOURCES AND 277 00:14:27,032 --> 00:14:29,101 POLLUTING OUR OCEANS. 278 00:14:29,168 --> 00:14:32,938 AND THIS WEEK, WE LEARNED THAT SCIENTISTS JUST MADE PLASTIC OUT 279 00:14:33,005 --> 00:14:38,444 OF SALMON SPERM-- YOU KNOW, THAT HIGHLY RENEWABLE AND EXTREMELY 280 00:14:38,510 --> 00:14:40,346 PLENTIFUL RESOURCE, SALMON SPERM. 281 00:14:40,412 --> 00:14:41,780 NEXT, I HEAR THEY'RE GOING TO WORK ON MAKING GASOLINE OUT OF 282 00:14:41,847 --> 00:14:42,948 TIGER BONES. 283 00:14:43,015 --> 00:14:44,950 OF COURSE, THE TRICKIEST PART OF COLLECTING SALMON SPERM IS 284 00:14:45,017 --> 00:14:50,489 ASKING THE SALMON TO GO INTO THAT LITTLE ROOM WITH A CUP AND 285 00:14:50,556 --> 00:14:51,490 A COPY OF "BLOWFISH MAGAZINE." 286 00:14:51,557 --> 00:15:01,767 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 287 00:15:01,834 --> 00:15:03,035 APPARENTLY, STRANDS OF D.N.A. 288 00:15:03,102 --> 00:15:06,839 FROM SALMON SPERM WERE DISSOLVED IN WATER AND MIXED WITH IONOMERS 289 00:15:06,905 --> 00:15:10,442 TO CREATE A GEL THAT CAN BE MOLDED INTO VARIOUS SHAPES. 290 00:15:10,509 --> 00:15:17,283 AND THE SCIENTISTS MOLDED A SMALL WHITE MUG. 291 00:15:17,349 --> 00:15:20,953 AND I BELIEVE WE HAVE SOME FOOTAGE OF THAT MUG BEING MADE. 292 00:15:21,020 --> 00:15:27,993 >> WE'RE GOING TO NEED A LOT MORE SALMON SPERM. 293 00:15:28,060 --> 00:15:29,828 >> Stephen: NEVER SEEN THE MOVIE. 294 00:15:29,895 --> 00:15:30,996 I HEAR IT'S GREAT. 295 00:15:31,063 --> 00:15:32,131 NEVER SEEN THE MOVIE. 296 00:15:32,197 --> 00:15:34,767 MEANWHILE, SCIENTISTS HAVE FOUND MEANWHILE, THE JAMAICAN 297 00:15:34,833 --> 00:15:35,968 GOVERNMENT LAUNCHED A CAMPAIGN ABOUT HOW GREAT WEED IS. 298 00:15:36,035 --> 00:15:37,469 I THINK PEOPLE KNOW THAT, JAMAICA. 299 00:15:37,536 --> 00:15:42,608 THEY LEARNED IT FROM WATCHING YOU. 300 00:15:42,675 --> 00:15:44,677 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JEFF GOLDBLUM. 301 00:16:00,092 --> 00:16:04,396 >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY! 302 00:16:04,463 --> 00:16:06,398 FOLKS-- THANKS EVERYBODY. 303 00:16:06,465 --> 00:16:09,635 FOLKS, I GOTTA TELL YOU, YOU ARE IN FOR A REAL TREAT TONIGHT, 304 00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:11,770 BECAUSE THE EVER-FASCINATING AND EVER-FASCINATED JEFF GOLDBLUM IS 305 00:16:11,837 --> 00:16:16,875 GOING TO TAKE THE COLBERT QUESTIONERT. 306 00:16:16,942 --> 00:16:20,079 ( APPLAUSE ) NOW, AS YOU ALL KNOW, THE 307 00:16:20,145 --> 00:16:23,349 COLBERT QUESTIONERT IS "THE LATE SHOW'S" SCIENTIF-ISH WAY OF 308 00:16:23,415 --> 00:16:28,287 DISTILLING EVERYTHING WORTH KNOWING ABOUT A CELEBRITY DOWN 309 00:16:28,354 --> 00:16:29,355 TO 15 SIMPLE QUESTIONS. 310 00:16:29,421 --> 00:16:32,825 AND I HAD THE PRIVILEGE OF ADMINISTERING THE COLBERT 311 00:16:32,891 --> 00:16:35,327 QUESTIONERT TO MR. GOLDBLUM WHEN HE STOPPED BY IN EARLY NOVEMBER. 312 00:16:35,394 --> 00:16:40,833 HOWEVER, BECAUSE HE TAKES SO MANY PAUSES IN BETWEEN WORDS, 313 00:16:40,899 --> 00:16:43,535 WE DIDN'T ACTUALLY FINISH UNTIL THIS AFTERNOON. 314 00:16:43,602 --> 00:16:44,837 SO, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IT'S TIME TO TRULY KNOW JEFF 315 00:16:44,903 --> 00:16:47,339 GOLDBLUM. 316 00:16:47,406 --> 00:16:50,376 ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: JEFF, LISTEN, YOU 317 00:16:50,442 --> 00:16:51,810 KNOW I LOVE HAVING YOU ON. 318 00:16:51,877 --> 00:16:53,712 EVERY TIME YOU'RE ON HERE IT'S A DELIGHT. 319 00:16:53,779 --> 00:16:58,217 I FEEL ENERGIZED, LIKE I HOOKED UP MY BATTERY CABLES TO YOU. 320 00:16:58,283 --> 00:17:01,987 AS MUCH AS I HAVE ENJOYED TALKING TO YOU-- WE HAVE DONE IT 321 00:17:02,054 --> 00:17:05,357 QUITE A FEW TIMES OVER THE YEARS-- IT'S HARD TO GET TO KNOW 322 00:17:05,424 --> 00:17:07,693 SOMEBODY OVER THIS SHORT PERIOD OF TIME. 323 00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:13,999 IT'S HARD TO PLUMB THE DEPTHS OF SOMEONE ELSE'S SOUL IN 10 TO 12 324 00:17:14,066 --> 00:17:15,000 MINUTES, HOWEVER MUCH TIME WE HAVE. 325 00:17:15,067 --> 00:17:16,034 >> I KNOW. 326 00:17:16,101 --> 00:17:18,904 >> Stephen: I HAVE 15 QUESTIONS HERE AND IF YOU'RE 327 00:17:18,971 --> 00:17:21,073 WILLING TO ANSWER THEM-- AND I WANT YOU TO THINK SERIOUSLY 328 00:17:21,140 --> 00:17:24,843 ABOUT THIS-- IF YOU'RE WILLING TO ANSWER THEM AT THE END OF 329 00:17:24,910 --> 00:17:29,982 THESE QUESTIONS YOU'RE WILLING TO BE KNOWN-- DO YOU UNDERSTAND 330 00:17:30,048 --> 00:17:38,724 THAT-- WILLING TO BE KNOWN, LAID BARE, UNDER THE GOLDEN SUN? 331 00:17:38,791 --> 00:17:40,025 >> YES ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). 332 00:17:40,092 --> 00:17:41,660 >> Stephen: HERE WE GO. 333 00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:43,128 QUESTION NUMBER ONE, ARE YOU READY? 334 00:17:43,195 --> 00:17:44,196 >> YES, I AM. 335 00:17:44,263 --> 00:17:46,665 >> Stephen: JEFF GOLDBLUM, WHAT IS THE BEST SANDWICH? 336 00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:55,073 >> THE BEST SA SANDWICH-- THIS Y SOUND LIKE BRAGGING, AND SORRY, 337 00:17:55,140 --> 00:17:59,344 BECAUSE I AM BRAGGING, I WAS INVITED ONCE IN MILAN IN ITALY 338 00:17:59,411 --> 00:18:00,746 FOR A FASHION SHOW. 339 00:18:00,813 --> 00:18:06,685 AND I WAS SEATED BETWEEN CLAUDIA CARDINALE, AND SOFIA LOREN. 340 00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:08,387 >> Stephen: WOW, THAT IS A NICE NEIGHBORHOOD. 341 00:18:08,454 --> 00:18:11,356 >> IN ORDER I WAS-- I WAS SANDWICHED BETWEEN THEM. 342 00:18:11,423 --> 00:18:16,895 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 343 00:18:16,962 --> 00:18:19,565 >> Stephen: THAT'S OUR SHOW. 344 00:18:19,631 --> 00:18:20,833 DRIVE SAFELY. 345 00:18:20,899 --> 00:18:21,600 PLEASE DRINK RESPONSIBLY. 346 00:18:21,667 --> 00:18:22,768 >> DRINK RESPONSIBLY. 347 00:18:22,835 --> 00:18:25,103 >> Stephen: WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU OWN, JEFF GOLDBLUM, 348 00:18:25,170 --> 00:18:28,073 THAT YOU SHOULD REALLY THROW OUT? 349 00:18:28,140 --> 00:18:29,308 >> GOOD QUESTION. 350 00:18:29,374 --> 00:18:32,478 WELL, I'LL TELL YOU, NOW THAT YOU'VE BROUGHT IT UP, YOU KNOW, 351 00:18:32,544 --> 00:18:35,113 I'M THE KIND OF PERSON IF YOU REALLY WANT TO GET TO KNOW ME, 352 00:18:35,180 --> 00:18:36,515 I'M A MINIMALIST. 353 00:18:36,582 --> 00:18:43,188 AND SINCE I WAS A KID-- THIS IS TRUE-- I HAD A YEN TO ELIMINATE 354 00:18:43,255 --> 00:18:43,856 THINGS. 355 00:18:43,922 --> 00:18:44,623 SO I LIKE TO THROW THINGS OUT. 356 00:18:44,690 --> 00:18:45,224 I LOVE IT. 357 00:18:45,290 --> 00:18:46,592 I LIKE TO RECYCLE THINGS. 358 00:18:46,658 --> 00:18:47,960 I LIKE TO GET RID OF THINGS. 359 00:18:48,026 --> 00:18:50,295 >> Stephen: WHAT'S ON THE BUBBLE RIGHT NOW? 360 00:18:50,362 --> 00:18:52,498 WHAT'S-- WHAT'S-- WHAT IS NOT LONG FOR THIS WORLD? 361 00:18:52,564 --> 00:18:59,438 >> HAVING SAID THAT, I JUST-- I'VE GOT IN MY CLOSET... FOUR 362 00:18:59,505 --> 00:19:03,675 PAIR OF PANTS THAT I'M THINKING OF, AND I JUST-- THE DAY I FLEW 363 00:19:03,742 --> 00:19:04,943 HERE-- WAS IT YESTERDAY? 364 00:19:05,010 --> 00:19:09,481 IT WAS YESTERDAY-- THEY WENT TO A STORE AND I BOUGHT ONE NEW 365 00:19:09,548 --> 00:19:13,118 PAIR OF PANT THEY REALLY AM KIND OF IN LOVE WITH THAT WILL 366 00:19:13,185 --> 00:19:15,187 REPLACE THOSE FOUR-- DID I JUST SPIT ON YOU? 367 00:19:15,254 --> 00:19:16,321 I'M SORRY. 368 00:19:16,388 --> 00:19:17,055 >> Stephen: THAT'S ALL RIGHT. 369 00:19:17,122 --> 00:19:20,526 >> THERE IT IS, IT'S RIGHT THERE. 370 00:19:20,592 --> 00:19:21,093 >> Stephen: THERE YOU GO. 371 00:19:21,159 --> 00:19:22,294 >> SEND THAT TO THE LAB. 372 00:19:22,361 --> 00:19:26,398 SO THIS ONE PAIR OF PANT IS GOING TO REPLACE THOSE FOUR AND 373 00:19:26,465 --> 00:19:28,834 THOSE FOUR ARE HEADED OUT AS SOON AS I GET HOME. 374 00:19:28,901 --> 00:19:29,701 AND THEY'LL BE RECYCLED. 375 00:19:29,768 --> 00:19:31,336 >> Stephen: DO THEY KNOW? 376 00:19:31,403 --> 00:19:32,170 DO THEY KNOW? 377 00:19:32,237 --> 00:19:34,840 >> THEY'RE PANTS, THEY DON'T KNOW. 378 00:19:34,907 --> 00:19:36,842 THEY-- THEY -- >> Stephen: THEY KNOW. 379 00:19:36,909 --> 00:19:38,510 YOU DON'T PERSONIFY OBJECTS? 380 00:19:38,577 --> 00:19:42,114 I HAVE TROUBLE THROWING THINGS AWAY BECAUSE AS I GO TO THROW IT 381 00:19:42,180 --> 00:19:44,850 IN THE TRASH CAN IS GOES, "WHY?" >> REALLY? 382 00:19:44,917 --> 00:19:48,687 >> Stephen: AND I GO, "LET,s YOU CAN STAY IN MY CLOSET A 383 00:19:48,754 --> 00:19:49,821 LITTLE LONGER." 384 00:19:49,888 --> 00:19:53,258 >> I THOUGHT MY SECOND CAREER WOULD BE TO GO TO PEOPLE'S 385 00:19:53,325 --> 00:19:55,427 HOUSES AND HAVE THEM GET RID OF STUFF. 386 00:19:55,494 --> 00:19:58,564 >> Stephen: HOW FUN WOULD IT BE TO SHOOT A PIECE WHERE JEFF 387 00:19:58,630 --> 00:20:01,900 GOLDBLUM COMES TO MY CLOSET AND TELLS ME WHAT I CAN SAVE AND 388 00:20:01,967 --> 00:20:02,901 WHAT GETS THROWN OUT. 389 00:20:02,968 --> 00:20:06,738 >> DID YOU READ THAT BOOK, THAT TIDING UP BOOK? 390 00:20:06,805 --> 00:20:10,275 >> Stephen: SURE, SURE, WE HAD HER ON, MARIE KONDO. 391 00:20:10,342 --> 00:20:12,844 >> I'M ALL INTO IT. 392 00:20:12,911 --> 00:20:13,412 TIDY UP. 393 00:20:13,478 --> 00:20:14,446 TIDY UP. 394 00:20:14,513 --> 00:20:16,648 >> Stephen: WHAT'S THE SCARIEST ANIMAL? 395 00:20:16,715 --> 00:20:24,256 >> THE SCARIEST ANIMAL, TREST, VELOCIRAPTOR, OR THE HOUSE FLY. 396 00:20:24,323 --> 00:20:24,790 ( APPLAUSE ). 397 00:20:24,856 --> 00:20:27,960 >> Stephen: THE GAMUT. 398 00:20:28,026 --> 00:20:29,328 THE GAMUT. 399 00:20:29,394 --> 00:20:30,529 OKAY, APPLES OR ORANGES. 400 00:20:30,596 --> 00:20:31,697 >> OR THE HUMAN ANIMAL. 401 00:20:31,763 --> 00:20:32,431 >> Stephen: DEEP. 402 00:20:32,497 --> 00:20:33,098 >> DEEP. 403 00:20:33,165 --> 00:20:36,134 >> Stephen: APPLES OR ORANGES? 404 00:20:36,201 --> 00:20:38,604 >> INTERESTING QUESTION. 405 00:20:38,670 --> 00:20:40,706 THE CORRECT ANSWER... 406 00:20:40,772 --> 00:20:43,542 ( LAUGHTER ) BECAUSE YOU CAN SPREAD PEANUT 407 00:20:43,609 --> 00:20:48,747 BUTTER, OR ANY NUT BUTTER-- ALMOND BUTTER, ANY NUT BUTTER ON 408 00:20:48,814 --> 00:20:51,116 IT, IS BANANA. 409 00:20:51,183 --> 00:20:53,919 IS BANANA BUT THE REAL ANSWER IS THEY'RE EQUALLY GOOD. 410 00:20:53,986 --> 00:20:58,023 I'M GOING TO SEND YOU A CASE OF PINK LADY APPLES AND NAVEL 411 00:20:58,090 --> 00:21:01,460 ORANGES AND YOU'LL SEE HOW THEY'RE-- WHEN TOGETHER -- 412 00:21:01,526 --> 00:21:04,763 >> Stephen: ARE YOU ACTUALLY GOING TO DO THIS, OR IS THAT A 413 00:21:04,830 --> 00:21:07,232 SHOW BIZ "I'M GOING TO SEND YOU THINGS." 414 00:21:07,299 --> 00:21:07,966 >> I'LL SEND IT TO YOU. 415 00:21:08,033 --> 00:21:10,769 >> Stephen: I'M NOT FORCING YOU. 416 00:21:10,836 --> 00:21:11,770 I'M JUST ASKING YOU. 417 00:21:11,837 --> 00:21:14,139 I HAVE MY OWN APPLES AND ORANGES. 418 00:21:14,206 --> 00:21:15,107 I MAKE A FINE LIVING. 419 00:21:15,173 --> 00:21:16,875 I DON'T NEED YOUR FRUIT, JEFF. 420 00:21:16,942 --> 00:21:26,318 >> MY WORD IS MY W WARD BOND IF YOU EVER SAW "THE SEARCHERS," 421 00:21:26,385 --> 00:21:30,555 HE'S IN THE "SEARCHERS," LOVELY ACTOR. 422 00:21:30,622 --> 00:21:32,858 >> Stephen: HAVE YOU EVER ASKED SOMEONE FOR THEIR 423 00:21:32,924 --> 00:21:33,659 AUTOGRAPH. 424 00:21:33,725 --> 00:21:37,462 >> YES, I WOULD LIKE YOUR AUTOGRAPH. 425 00:21:37,529 --> 00:21:39,097 DO YOU REMEMBER BRUNO KIRBY. 426 00:21:39,164 --> 00:21:40,065 WE WERE PALS. 427 00:21:40,132 --> 00:21:46,705 WE WENT TO SEE MUHAMMAD ALI ON CLOSED CIRCET -- 428 00:21:46,772 --> 00:21:52,778 >> Stephen: DID YOU GO TO THE RUMBLE IN THE JUNGLE? 429 00:21:52,844 --> 00:21:57,549 YOU SAID WENT TO SEE MUHAMMAD ALI IN ZAIRE ON CLOSED CIRCUIT. 430 00:21:57,616 --> 00:21:58,950 >> HE WAS IN ZAIRE. 431 00:21:59,017 --> 00:22:00,252 YOU WERE NOT. 432 00:22:00,318 --> 00:22:02,254 >> I WAS AT THE THEATER IN CLOSED CIRCUIT. 433 00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:05,223 I THOUGHT I MADE THAT CLEAR. 434 00:22:05,290 --> 00:22:10,362 BUT-- BUT I LATER MET HU MUHAMMD AL. 435 00:22:10,429 --> 00:22:13,832 >> AND I SAID, "CHAMP, I LOVE YOU, I HAVE LOVED YOU FOR MY 436 00:22:13,899 --> 00:22:14,533 WHOLE LIFE." 437 00:22:14,599 --> 00:22:16,868 AND HE SAID, "YOU SCARED ME." 438 00:22:16,935 --> 00:22:20,572 I SAW 'THE FLY. 439 00:22:20,639 --> 00:22:21,206 '. 440 00:22:21,273 --> 00:22:22,507 HE SAID, "WHERE DO YOU LIVE. 441 00:22:22,574 --> 00:22:25,110 SOME DAY I MIGHT COME TO YOUR DOOR AND KNOCK. 442 00:22:25,177 --> 00:22:30,649 WHEN BRUNO TURNED 30 SENT A BOXING GLOVE TO THE CHAMP AND 443 00:22:30,716 --> 00:22:33,351 SAID, "CAN YOU KEEP ON PUNCHING?" 444 00:22:33,418 --> 00:22:36,722 HE SENT IT BACK AND IT SAID, "KEEP ON PUSHING." 445 00:22:36,788 --> 00:22:38,623 I THINK HE UPGRADED IT. 446 00:22:38,690 --> 00:22:42,060 PUSHING IS MORE-- PUSHING THE ENVELOPE, I THINK HE MUST HAVE 447 00:22:42,127 --> 00:22:45,430 MEANT, IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN -- >> Stephen: I AGREE. 448 00:22:45,497 --> 00:22:46,832 I'M SURE THAT'S WHAT HE MEANT. 449 00:22:46,898 --> 00:22:50,902 >> THAT'S MY ANSWER >> STEPHEN: WHEN WE COME BACK, 450 00:22:50,969 --> 00:22:53,238 JEFF GOLDBLUM LISTS HIS 25 FAVORITE ACTION MOVIES. 451 00:22:53,305 --> 00:22:55,107 STICK AROUND. 452 00:22:55,173 --> 00:22:56,174 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 453 00:23:08,987 --> 00:23:13,925 AND NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE STUNNING FINALE OF JEFF 454 00:23:13,992 --> 00:23:15,794 GOLDBLUM VERSUS THE COLBERT QUESTIONERT. 455 00:23:15,861 --> 00:23:19,531 WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ACTION MOVIE, JEFF? 456 00:23:19,598 --> 00:23:22,033 >> I KNEW THAT YOU MIGHT ASK ME THAT. 457 00:23:22,100 --> 00:23:23,568 NOW, THIS IS A WORK IN PROGRESS. 458 00:23:23,635 --> 00:23:28,607 I'M GOING TO-- I CAN'T-- I WOULD BE-- I CAN'T SAY ONE, BUT HERE 459 00:23:28,673 --> 00:23:31,743 ARE A BUNCH OF MOVIES, VERY QUICKLY. 460 00:23:31,810 --> 00:23:36,615 >> Stephen: NOT JUST A TINY VERSION OF THE RUBEIAT OF OMAR 461 00:23:36,681 --> 00:23:37,015 KAYAN. 462 00:23:37,082 --> 00:23:37,482 WHAT IS THAT? 463 00:23:37,549 --> 00:23:39,117 >> IT'S MY NOTES. 464 00:23:39,184 --> 00:23:42,921 I DID IT ALL THROUGH "THE WORLD ACCORDING TO JEFF GOLDBLUM." 465 00:23:42,988 --> 00:23:44,523 >> Stephen: IS THAT SHORTHAND? 466 00:23:44,589 --> 00:23:47,159 >> NO, YOU COULDN'T READ THAT. 467 00:23:47,225 --> 00:23:48,493 IT'S MY PRINTING. 468 00:23:48,560 --> 00:23:52,063 I DON'T DO-- WHAT'S THAT CALLED ANYMORE THAT MY KID ARE LEARNING 469 00:23:52,130 --> 00:23:52,564 TO DO? 470 00:23:52,631 --> 00:23:54,299 >> Stephen: CURSIVE. 471 00:23:54,366 --> 00:23:56,101 >> CURSIVE, CURSIVE. 472 00:23:56,168 --> 00:23:58,203 I HAVEN'T DONE THAT IN A LONG TIME. 473 00:23:58,270 --> 00:23:59,137 >> Stephen: YOU DON'T JOIN YOUR LETTERS? 474 00:23:59,204 --> 00:24:00,505 >> NO. 475 00:24:00,572 --> 00:24:01,273 FAVORITE ACTION MOVIE. 476 00:24:01,339 --> 00:24:04,776 IT'S ONE OF THESE-- LISTEN CLOSELY. 477 00:24:04,843 --> 00:24:05,644 SEVEN SAMURAI. 478 00:24:05,710 --> 00:24:06,945 KILL BILL. 479 00:24:07,012 --> 00:24:11,283 TEAM AMERICA WORLD POLICE. 480 00:24:11,349 --> 00:24:14,286 SKYFALL, CASINO ROAL. 481 00:24:14,352 --> 00:24:14,820 GOLDFINGER. 482 00:24:14,886 --> 00:24:15,921 FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE. 483 00:24:15,987 --> 00:24:18,356 SPIDER-MAN INTO THE SPIDER-VERSE. 484 00:24:18,423 --> 00:24:20,859 TREASURE OF THE SIERRA MADRE. 485 00:24:20,926 --> 00:24:22,527 FRENCH CONNECTION. 486 00:24:22,594 --> 00:24:23,295 APOCALYPSE NOW. 487 00:24:23,361 --> 00:24:25,096 LAWRENCE OF ARABIA. 488 00:24:25,163 --> 00:24:25,664 ISLE OF DOGS. 489 00:24:25,730 --> 00:24:29,634 NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN. 490 00:24:29,701 --> 00:24:30,702 JURASSIC PARK. 491 00:24:30,769 --> 00:24:32,337 RIO BRAVO. 492 00:24:32,404 --> 00:24:34,105 ONE-EYED JACKS. 493 00:24:34,172 --> 00:24:35,106 BULLET. 494 00:24:35,173 --> 00:24:35,640 JAWS. 495 00:24:35,707 --> 00:24:37,242 BADLANDS. 496 00:24:37,309 --> 00:24:39,110 BLADERUNNER, 2017. 497 00:24:39,177 --> 00:24:40,378 DUNE, 2021. 498 00:24:40,445 --> 00:24:41,346 BONNIE AND CLYDE. 499 00:24:41,413 --> 00:24:45,217 RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK, OR MAD MAX FURY ROAD. 500 00:24:45,283 --> 00:24:46,718 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: 25. 501 00:24:46,785 --> 00:24:47,652 >> REALLY, IS IT 25? 502 00:24:47,719 --> 00:24:50,055 >> Stephen: THAT'S GIVE NICELY DONE. 503 00:24:50,121 --> 00:24:52,757 >> I DIDN'T KNOW -- >> Stephen: I HAVE FINGERS. 504 00:24:52,824 --> 00:24:53,458 >> REALLY? 505 00:24:53,525 --> 00:24:55,393 SO ONE OF THOSE-- I DON'T KNOW. 506 00:24:55,460 --> 00:24:57,195 ANY WAY, THAT'S MY ANSWER. 507 00:24:57,262 --> 00:24:58,763 ONE OF THOSE-- PICK ONE. 508 00:24:58,830 --> 00:25:01,132 >> Stephen: OKAY, FAVORITE SMELL. 509 00:25:01,199 --> 00:25:03,101 >> OH, I HAVE A FEW. 510 00:25:03,168 --> 00:25:05,670 VERY QUICKLY. 511 00:25:05,737 --> 00:25:11,643 FRESH AIR. 512 00:25:11,710 --> 00:25:14,246 THE LOOMY, LOOMY EARTH. 513 00:25:14,312 --> 00:25:14,546 RAIN. 514 00:25:14,613 --> 00:25:15,513 MY KIDS. 515 00:25:15,580 --> 00:25:17,048 I HAVE A SIX-YEAR-OLD AND A FOUR-YEAR-OLD BOY. 516 00:25:17,115 --> 00:25:19,084 JUST TO PICK ONE, THEIR HAIR, THEIR HAIR. 517 00:25:19,150 --> 00:25:19,885 AND THEN EMILY. 518 00:25:19,951 --> 00:25:21,553 I THINK HER NECK. 519 00:25:21,620 --> 00:25:22,721 RIGHT THERE. 520 00:25:22,787 --> 00:25:23,255 RIGHT THERE. 521 00:25:23,321 --> 00:25:24,723 >> Stephen: WOW, WOW. 522 00:25:24,789 --> 00:25:26,725 YOU HAD THREE OF THE ELEMENTS. 523 00:25:26,791 --> 00:25:28,093 YOU HAD AIR-- >> FIRE. 524 00:25:28,159 --> 00:25:32,030 >> Stephen: YOU HAVE EARTH, AND YOU HAD WATER. 525 00:25:32,097 --> 00:25:32,998 >> YES. 526 00:25:33,064 --> 00:25:35,100 >> Stephen: AND YOU WERE ABOUT TO GO FOR FIRE. 527 00:25:35,166 --> 00:25:36,201 >> FIRE. 528 00:25:36,268 --> 00:25:37,669 WHAT'S FIRE SMELL LIKE? 529 00:25:37,736 --> 00:25:39,104 OH, FIRE CAN SMELL DELIGHTFUL. 530 00:25:39,170 --> 00:25:40,171 A NICE COZY FIRE. 531 00:25:40,238 --> 00:25:41,439 DEPENDING ON THE LOGS. 532 00:25:41,506 --> 00:25:43,108 THAT'S A GREAT SMELL. 533 00:25:43,174 --> 00:25:46,544 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 534 00:25:46,611 --> 00:25:48,747 >> Stephen: DEPENDING ON THE LOGS. 535 00:25:48,813 --> 00:25:53,652 DEPENDING ON THE LOGS IS A GREAT MODIFIER TO EVERY SENTENCE. 536 00:25:53,718 --> 00:25:54,920 SENTENCE. 537 00:25:54,986 --> 00:25:56,154 DEPENDING ON THE LOGS, THIS COULD BE GOOD. 538 00:25:56,221 --> 00:26:00,759 >> WHEN YOU READ THE FORTUNE COOKIE, YOU JUST END IT WITH 539 00:26:00,825 --> 00:26:01,493 "DEPENDING ON THE LOGS." 540 00:26:01,559 --> 00:26:02,027 >> Stephen: EXACTLY. 541 00:26:02,093 --> 00:26:04,195 >> AND IT MAKES SENSE. 542 00:26:04,262 --> 00:26:06,464 OR A NEW ALBUM BY EARTH, WIND, AND FIRE. 543 00:26:06,531 --> 00:26:08,600 HOW THAT SMELLS WHEN YOU FIRST TAKE IT OUT. 544 00:26:08,667 --> 00:26:10,035 A DELICIOUS SMELL. 545 00:26:10,101 --> 00:26:11,636 >> Stephen: MOST-USED APP ON YOUR PHONE. 546 00:26:11,703 --> 00:26:15,373 >> HERE'S THE TRUTH, I APPRECIATE THE NAVIGATION APP, 547 00:26:15,440 --> 00:26:17,342 BECAUSE I WAS NEVER GOOD WITH A MAP. 548 00:26:17,409 --> 00:26:18,109 THAT'S VERY HELPFUL. 549 00:26:18,176 --> 00:26:21,212 BUT THE MOST USED IS TWO OF THEM. 550 00:26:21,279 --> 00:26:26,184 GOOGLE-- I THINK IT'S AMAZING THAT WE CAN GO, "WHAT'S ANOTHER 551 00:26:26,251 --> 00:26:28,687 WORD FOR, YOU KNOW, DA-DA-DA." 552 00:26:28,753 --> 00:26:31,122 I CAN LOOK UP A THESAURUS THERE. 553 00:26:31,189 --> 00:26:32,724 I CAN LOOK UP EVERYTHING. 554 00:26:32,791 --> 00:26:37,696 IT'S FANTASTIC, INSTEAD OF GOING TO THE LIBRARY-- WHICH IS GREAT. 555 00:26:37,762 --> 00:26:42,467 ALSO YOUTUBE, YOU CAN SEE AN OLD CLIB OF THELONIUS MONK, OR A 556 00:26:42,534 --> 00:26:44,069 COMEDIAN WE LIKE -- >> Stephen: WHAT'S THE LACHT 557 00:26:44,135 --> 00:26:46,805 VIDEO YOU LOOKED UP TO WATCH ON UTUBE. 558 00:26:46,871 --> 00:26:48,473 >> I WAS LISTENING TO THINGS TODAY. 559 00:26:48,540 --> 00:26:55,747 I'M IN A CYCLE DOWN A RABBIT HOLE WITH SHOWS, PODCASTS WITH 560 00:26:55,814 --> 00:26:56,881 PHYSICISTS. 561 00:26:56,948 --> 00:27:01,119 >> Stephen: OH, HAVE YOU EVER WATCHED RICHARD FEIN MAN'S 562 00:27:01,186 --> 00:27:01,653 LECTURES ON YOUTUBE? 563 00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:02,187 >> NO. 564 00:27:02,253 --> 00:27:03,121 >> Stephen: FANTASTIC. 565 00:27:03,188 --> 00:27:03,788 >> REALLY? 566 00:27:03,855 --> 00:27:04,456 >> Stephen: YEAH. 567 00:27:04,522 --> 00:27:06,791 >> I DID-- AREN'T THEY GREAT? 568 00:27:06,858 --> 00:27:08,259 ISN'T IT GREAT THAT YOU CAN GET THAT. 569 00:27:08,326 --> 00:27:09,327 >> Stephen: YEAH. 570 00:27:09,394 --> 00:27:10,495 >> IT'S FANTASTIC. 571 00:27:10,562 --> 00:27:12,797 >> Stephen: I WILL TELL YOU WHAT MY LAST ONE WAS-- THANKS 572 00:27:12,864 --> 00:27:13,698 FOR ASKING. 573 00:27:13,765 --> 00:27:19,671 MY LAST ONE WAS, I LOOKED UP ANTONIO GURES. 574 00:27:19,738 --> 00:27:21,306 A GREAT FLAMENCO DANCER. 575 00:27:21,373 --> 00:27:24,376 AND I BET YOU HAVE ATTEMPTED FLAMENCO. 576 00:27:24,442 --> 00:27:25,243 YOU'VE GOT THE BODY FOR IT. 577 00:27:25,310 --> 00:27:26,378 >> THANK YOU, THANK YOU. 578 00:27:26,444 --> 00:27:28,113 >> Stephen: THAT LONG, LEAN THING. 579 00:27:28,179 --> 00:27:28,513 YEAH, YEAH. 580 00:27:28,580 --> 00:27:29,581 >> THANK YOU. 581 00:27:29,647 --> 00:27:32,017 >> Stephen: CHECK IT OUT. 582 00:27:32,083 --> 00:27:37,522 >> IF I CHANGE MY NAME IS MIGHT BE FARUCA GOLD BLOOM. 583 00:27:37,589 --> 00:27:38,957 >> Stephen: CATS OR DOGS? 584 00:27:39,024 --> 00:27:43,094 >> WELL, I'LL TELL YOU-- WELL, I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU, WE DID AN 585 00:27:43,161 --> 00:27:45,230 EPISODE OF THE FIRST FIVE COMING UP ON THE "THE WORLD ACCORDING 586 00:27:45,296 --> 00:27:46,431 TO JEFF GOLDBLUM" ON DOGS. 587 00:27:46,498 --> 00:27:49,801 AND WE HAVE, WHO APPEARS IN IT, OUR PERSONAL DOG RIGHT NOW, 588 00:27:49,868 --> 00:27:53,638 WOODY, OUR FAMILY DOG, WOODY IS IN IT. 589 00:27:53,705 --> 00:27:57,108 I'M TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH DOGS. 590 00:27:57,175 --> 00:27:59,110 AND I HAVE HAD DOGS THROUGHOUT MY LIFE. 591 00:27:59,177 --> 00:28:03,114 EVEN THOUGH I HAD A COUPLE OF CATS FOR A WHILE, AND THERE'S 592 00:28:03,181 --> 00:28:05,650 NOTHING WRONG WITH CATS. 593 00:28:05,717 --> 00:28:08,186 THEY'RE DELIGHTFUL-- PURRRRR. 594 00:28:08,253 --> 00:28:11,656 IF I HAD TO PICK, I WOULD SAY I'M A DOGGY, DOGGY MAN. 595 00:28:11,723 --> 00:28:13,024 >> Stephen: OKAY. 596 00:28:13,091 --> 00:28:16,361 YOU ONLY GET ONE SONG TO LISTEN TO FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, 597 00:28:16,428 --> 00:28:17,228 WHAT IS IT? 598 00:28:17,295 --> 00:28:19,264 >> AS YOU KNOW, VERY DIFFICULT QUESTION. 599 00:28:19,330 --> 00:28:23,635 BECAUSE I'M-- I'M A GUY, IF I-- EVEN THOUGH THERE ARE SONGS THAT 600 00:28:23,701 --> 00:28:26,604 AFFECT ME, HAVE AFFECTED ME TREMENDOUSLY, AND I PUT THEM ON 601 00:28:26,671 --> 00:28:31,576 TH THING, ONCE I CHOOSE IT AND LISTEN TO IT, I GET KIND OF OUT 602 00:28:31,643 --> 00:28:33,611 OF STEAM WITH IT VERY QUICKLY. 603 00:28:33,678 --> 00:28:37,315 I WOULD RATHER-- IF I HAD MY DRUTHERS, I WOULD PUT ON A GOOD 604 00:28:37,382 --> 00:28:40,518 RADIO STATION OR HAVE SOMEBODY CURATE OR SURPRISE ME. 605 00:28:40,585 --> 00:28:41,653 I LIKE SURPRISE. 606 00:28:41,719 --> 00:28:43,621 SO I WOULDN'T-- I'D LIKE NOT TO CHOOSE. 607 00:28:43,688 --> 00:28:46,624 BUT IF I HAD TO, THERE HAVE BEEN-- 608 00:28:46,691 --> 00:28:49,360 ( LAUGHTER ) THERE HAVE BEEN SONGS THAT I'VE 609 00:28:49,427 --> 00:28:50,895 GONE THROUGH CYCLES WITH. 610 00:28:50,962 --> 00:28:56,267 THE TWO THAT COME TO MIND ARE WHEN I WAS-- OH, BOY, 13-- WHEN 611 00:28:56,334 --> 00:29:01,539 IT FIRST CAME OUT ON A 45, I HAD STEVIE WONDER DOING "FOR ONCE IN 612 00:29:01,606 --> 00:29:04,709 MY LIFE," YOU KNOW THAT RECORDING WITH THAT SOLO THAT 613 00:29:04,776 --> 00:29:05,944 HE'S GOT. 614 00:29:06,010 --> 00:29:09,180 IT DROVE ME ABSOLUTELY CRAZY AND I PLAYED IT OVER AND OVER AND 615 00:29:09,247 --> 00:29:10,281 OVER AGAIN. 616 00:29:10,348 --> 00:29:16,888 THEN THERE WAS A TIME RECENTLY WHERE ERROL GARNER PLAYS 617 00:29:16,955 --> 00:29:18,089 "ELDORADO." 618 00:29:18,156 --> 00:29:20,992 IT'S GREAT, YOU CAN SEE IT ON YOUTUBE AND I PLAYED THAT OVER 619 00:29:21,059 --> 00:29:22,961 AND OVER AGAIN. 620 00:29:23,027 --> 00:29:24,062 ♪ ♪ ♪ IT'S GREAT. 621 00:29:24,129 --> 00:29:25,396 SO THAT TICKLED ME. 622 00:29:25,463 --> 00:29:28,666 SO THOSE TWO, IF I HAD TO PICK SOMETHING. 623 00:29:28,733 --> 00:29:29,334 ( LAUGHTER ). 624 00:29:29,400 --> 00:29:30,201 >> Stephen: ONE OF THOSE TWO. 625 00:29:30,268 --> 00:29:30,768 ( APPLAUSE ). 626 00:29:30,835 --> 00:29:34,806 >> YEAH, I GUESS. 627 00:29:34,873 --> 00:29:37,976 ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: WHAT NUMBER AM I 628 00:29:38,042 --> 00:29:39,110 THINKING OF? 629 00:29:39,177 --> 00:29:42,914 >> AH, OH, THAT'S EASY. 630 00:29:42,981 --> 00:29:43,248 4,128. 631 00:29:43,314 --> 00:29:44,015 I DID IT! 632 00:29:44,082 --> 00:29:46,384 I DON'T KNOW HOW. 633 00:29:46,451 --> 00:29:49,587 ( LAUGHTER ) I'M GETTING CHILLS. 634 00:29:49,654 --> 00:29:53,291 >> Stephen: DESCRIBE THE RECHT OF YOUR LIFE IN FIVE WORDS. 635 00:29:53,358 --> 00:29:59,097 >> OH, THAT'S A TOUGH ONE. 636 00:29:59,164 --> 00:30:01,900 WHEN YOU'RE HOT YOU'RE HOT, WHEN YOU'RE NOT, YOU'RE NOT. 637 00:30:01,966 --> 00:30:03,101 WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE. 638 00:30:03,168 --> 00:30:04,135 OH, I GOT IT! 639 00:30:04,202 --> 00:30:05,203 I GOT IT! 640 00:30:05,270 --> 00:30:11,109 ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE. 641 00:30:11,176 --> 00:30:14,712 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: JEFF GOLDBLUM, 642 00:30:14,779 --> 00:30:15,513 CONGRATULATIONS. 643 00:30:15,580 --> 00:30:18,583 YOU ARE KNOWN-- >> I'M KNOWN UTTERLY 644 00:30:18,650 --> 00:30:20,285 ( BELL RINGS ). 645 00:30:20,351 --> 00:30:23,188 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( CHEERS AN D APPLAUSE ) 646 00:30:23,254 --> 00:30:26,291 >> STEPHEN: MY THANKS AGAIN TO JEFF GOLDBLUM. 647 00:30:26,357 --> 00:30:29,661 SEASON TWO OF "THE WORLD ACCORDING TO JEFF GOLDBLUM" IS 648 00:30:29,727 --> 00:30:30,995 AVAILABLE NOW ON DISNEY+. 649 00:30:31,062 --> 00:30:33,064 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A TRIBUTE TO STEPHEN SONDHEIM. 650 00:30:57,222 --> 00:31:00,291 WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW." 651 00:31:00,358 --> 00:31:03,328 FOLKS, LAST FRIDAY, STEPHEN SONDHEIM, A MAN WHOM I CONSIDER 652 00:31:03,394 --> 00:31:06,097 TO BE THE GREATEST COMPOSER AND LYRICIST IN THE HISTORY OF 653 00:31:06,164 --> 00:31:07,265 AMERICAN THEATER, PASSED AWAY AT THE AGE OF 91. 654 00:31:07,332 --> 00:31:11,769 BUT HIS EXTRAORDINARY LEGACY WILL LIVE ON. 655 00:31:11,836 --> 00:31:13,338 BECAUSE AS THE MAN HIMSELF SAID, "ART IS INFINITE. 656 00:31:13,404 --> 00:31:14,539 IT HAS NO BEGINNING AND NO END." 657 00:31:14,606 --> 00:31:17,642 IN SEPTEMBER, I HAD THE EXTRAORDINARY PRIVILEGE OF 658 00:31:17,709 --> 00:31:20,178 SITTING DOWN WITH THE MAN, AND I'M INCREDIBLY GRATEFUL I HAD 659 00:31:20,245 --> 00:31:21,312 THE CHANCE TO TELL HIM HOW MUCH HIS WORK HAS MEANT TO ME 660 00:31:21,379 --> 00:31:22,513 PERSONALLY. 661 00:31:22,580 --> 00:31:26,517 AND TONIGHT, I WANT TO SHARE WITH YOU AN EXTENDED VERSION OF 662 00:31:26,584 --> 00:31:33,091 THAT CONVERSATION, BECAUSE I ENJOYED EVERY MINUTE OF IT, AND 663 00:31:33,157 --> 00:31:36,728 I HOPE YOU WILL, TOO. 664 00:31:36,794 --> 00:31:37,795 PLEASE WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW," STEPHEN SONDHEIM. 665 00:31:37,862 --> 00:31:38,663 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> THANK YOU. 666 00:31:38,730 --> 00:31:39,097 THANK YOU. 667 00:31:39,163 --> 00:31:53,711 THANK YOU. 668 00:31:53,778 --> 00:31:56,581 ♪ ♪ ♪ >> STEPHEN: YOU'VE GOT-- IT'S 669 00:31:56,648 --> 00:32:02,153 NICE-- IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN. 670 00:32:02,220 --> 00:32:02,787 THANKS FOR BEING HERE. 671 00:32:02,854 --> 00:32:04,188 >> GOOD TO SEE YOU. 672 00:32:04,255 --> 00:32:05,456 >> STEPHEN: I GOT A CHANCE TO INTERVIEW YOU A COUPLE OF TIMES 673 00:32:05,523 --> 00:32:10,228 AT THE "COLBERT REPORT," AND ONE OF THE THINGS YOU SAID TO ME 674 00:32:10,295 --> 00:32:11,496 THEN WAS THAT, AS A YOUNG MAN, YOU WERE LUCKY ENOUGH TO BE 675 00:32:11,562 --> 00:32:12,530 MENTORED BY OSCAR HAMMERSTEIN II. 676 00:32:12,597 --> 00:32:13,464 I HAVE A PHOTO OF THE TWO OF YOU RIGHT HERE. 677 00:32:13,531 --> 00:32:17,001 >> OH. 678 00:32:17,068 --> 00:32:17,635 >> STEPHEN: THERE'S HAMMERSTEIN. 679 00:32:17,702 --> 00:32:18,069 THERE'S YOU. 680 00:32:18,136 --> 00:32:20,071 >> 16 YEARS OLD. 681 00:32:20,138 --> 00:32:25,476 >> STEPHEN: YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED AT ALL, KID. 682 00:32:25,543 --> 00:32:26,944 YOU LOOK-- YOU LOOK FANTASTIC. 683 00:32:27,011 --> 00:32:29,480 FOR THE-- YOU KNOW, FOR THE PEOPLE OUT THERE, THE BURGEONING 684 00:32:29,547 --> 00:32:33,685 SONDHEIMS OUT THERE, WHAT IS IT THAT HE TAUGHT YOU THAT STILL 685 00:32:33,751 --> 00:32:37,488 STICKS WITH YOU TODAY AS A COMPOSER AND AS A LYRICIST? 686 00:32:37,555 --> 00:32:41,492 >> MAJORLY, HE TAUGHT ME TO WRITE FOR MYSELF, BECAUSE I 687 00:32:41,559 --> 00:32:42,260 WROTE SONGS THAT IMITATED HIM. 688 00:32:42,327 --> 00:32:48,032 HE SAID, "NO, WRITE WHAT YOU FEEL." 689 00:32:48,099 --> 00:32:50,101 YOU KNOW, HE SAID, "THIS IS WHAT I FEEL ABOUT, YOU KNOW, LOVE AND 690 00:32:50,168 --> 00:32:53,471 HUMANITY. 691 00:32:53,538 --> 00:32:54,739 YOU WRITE WHAT YOU FEEL." 692 00:32:54,806 --> 00:32:57,475 AND THAT WAS IMPORTANT, BECAUSE YOU THINK THAT WOULD BE NATURAL, 693 00:32:57,542 --> 00:33:00,044 BUT IT'S NOT. 694 00:33:00,111 --> 00:33:01,713 IT'S NOT, PARTICULARLY, IF YOU THINK HIGHLY OF THE PERSON THAT 695 00:33:01,779 --> 00:33:03,981 YOU'RE IMITATING, WHICH I DID. 696 00:33:04,048 --> 00:33:05,216 >> STEPHEN: HOW LONG DID IT TAKE YOU TO-- IT'S NOT A SWITCH YOU 697 00:33:05,283 --> 00:33:05,817 CAN FLIP. 698 00:33:05,883 --> 00:33:06,150 HOW LONG DID IT TAKE YOU? 699 00:33:06,217 --> 00:33:09,420 >> NO, NO. 700 00:33:09,487 --> 00:33:12,056 NO, IT TOOK ME-- WELL, I WAS WRITING A SCORE, I WAS WRITING A 701 00:33:12,123 --> 00:33:17,295 MUSICAL RIGHT AFTER I GOT OUT OF COLLEGE, AND IT TOOK ME THE TIME 702 00:33:17,362 --> 00:33:18,429 IT TOOK TO WRITE THAT MUSICAL. 703 00:33:18,496 --> 00:33:21,466 THE MUSICAL ENDED UP NOT VERY GOOD, BUT I HAD LEARNED MY 704 00:33:21,532 --> 00:33:23,368 LESSON. 705 00:33:23,434 --> 00:33:25,269 AND IT SOUNDED LIKE ME, WHICH WASN'T NECESSARILY THE BEST 706 00:33:25,336 --> 00:33:26,204 THING. 707 00:33:26,270 --> 00:33:32,844 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: WELL, WELCOME BACK 708 00:33:32,910 --> 00:33:33,778 TO BROADWAY. 709 00:33:33,845 --> 00:33:36,013 THIS IS A BROADWAY HOUSE WE'RE IN RIGHT NOW. 710 00:33:36,080 --> 00:33:37,482 >> RIGHT, IT WAS FOUNDED. 711 00:33:37,548 --> 00:33:42,019 >> Stephen: AND THE ODD THING IS OSCAR HAMMERSTEIN II HIS 712 00:33:42,086 --> 00:33:43,388 UNCLE BUILT THIS THEATER. 713 00:33:43,454 --> 00:33:46,958 THIS IS THE HAMMERSTEIN THEATER, ARTHUR HAMMERSTEIN. 714 00:33:47,024 --> 00:33:50,728 AND NAMED IT AFTER OSCAR'S GRANDFAHER, OSCAR HAMMERSTEIN 715 00:33:50,795 --> 00:33:51,829 I. 716 00:33:51,896 --> 00:33:56,334 >> HE BUILT ONE THAT IS NOW A MOVIE HOUSE ON 42nd, THE 717 00:33:56,401 --> 00:33:57,135 HAMMERSTEIN OPERA HOUSE. 718 00:33:57,201 --> 00:33:59,036 >> Stephen: HE LOST THIS IN '29. 719 00:33:59,103 --> 00:34:00,004 >> IS THAT IT. 720 00:34:00,071 --> 00:34:01,639 >> Stephen: AT THE BEGINNING OF THE DEPRESSION. 721 00:34:01,706 --> 00:34:05,042 CBS BOUGHT IT FROM HIM AND TURNED IT INTO A STUDIO. 722 00:34:05,109 --> 00:34:07,345 >> OH, OKAY. 723 00:34:07,412 --> 00:34:09,480 >> Stephen: HENCE, ED SULLIVAN. 724 00:34:09,547 --> 00:34:10,448 THERE YOU. 725 00:34:10,515 --> 00:34:13,484 >> Stephen: ARE YOU STILL WRITING BY THE WAY? 726 00:34:13,551 --> 00:34:14,018 >> YES, I AM. 727 00:34:14,085 --> 00:34:14,619 >> STEPHEN: YOU ARE? 728 00:34:14,685 --> 00:34:15,453 WELL, THAT'S GOOD. 729 00:34:15,520 --> 00:34:17,522 NOT EVERYBODY COMPOSES INTO THEIR 90S. 730 00:34:17,588 --> 00:34:24,061 ( APPLAUSE ) >> I'VE BEEN WORKING ON A SHOW 731 00:34:24,128 --> 00:34:29,467 FOR A COUPLE OF YEARS WITH A PLAYWRIGHT NAMED DAVID IVES. 732 00:34:29,534 --> 00:34:30,701 AND IT'S CALLED "SQUARE ONE." 733 00:34:30,768 --> 00:34:33,838 AND WE HAD A READING OF IT LAST WEEK, AND WE WERE ENCOURAGED. 734 00:34:33,905 --> 00:34:36,240 SO WE'RE GOING TO GO AHEAD WITH IT, AND WITH ANY LUCK, WE'LL GET 735 00:34:36,307 --> 00:34:37,475 IT ON NEXT SEASON. 736 00:34:37,542 --> 00:34:41,479 >> STEPHEN: YOU AND YOUR COLLABORATOR-- 737 00:34:41,546 --> 00:34:48,085 ( APPLAUSE ) YOU AND YOUR COLLABORATOR, JAMES 738 00:34:48,152 --> 00:34:49,887 LUPINE, WROTE A BOOK CALLED, "PUTTING IT TOGETHER," ABOUT THE 739 00:34:49,954 --> 00:34:52,023 TWO OF YOU CREATING "SUNDAY IN THE PARK WITH GEORGE." 740 00:34:52,089 --> 00:34:57,462 WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE PART ABOUT WORKING WITH LUPINE? 741 00:34:57,528 --> 00:35:01,466 >> OH, JAMES IS-- HE'S A GENERATION YOUNGER THAN I. 742 00:35:01,532 --> 00:35:05,169 AND HE WILL GO ANYWHERE. 743 00:35:05,236 --> 00:35:06,204 HE'LL TRY ANYTHING. 744 00:35:06,270 --> 00:35:11,409 I WAS BROUGHT UP MORE CONSERVATIVELY, WHICH-- THE 745 00:35:11,476 --> 00:35:13,110 NUMBER HAS GOT TO BE OR THE SCENE HAS GOT TO BE PERFECT 746 00:35:13,177 --> 00:35:13,978 BEFORE YOU GO INTO REHEARSAL. 747 00:35:14,045 --> 00:35:17,515 AND HE SAID, "NO, LET'S SEE WHERE WE GO. 748 00:35:17,582 --> 00:35:26,757 LET'S SEE HOW IT GOES." 749 00:35:26,824 --> 00:35:28,426 THE IMPROVISATORY ASPECT OF HIS GENERATION, THAT WAS VERY GOOD 750 00:35:28,493 --> 00:35:29,694 FOR ME, LOOSENED ME UP. 751 00:35:29,760 --> 00:35:30,428 AND THAT WAS A GREAT DEAL OF FUN TO WRITE WITH HIM FOR JUST THAT 752 00:35:30,495 --> 00:35:33,464 REASON. 753 00:35:33,531 --> 00:35:40,037 >> STEPHEN: WELL, I WAS-- I WAS-- NICELY ENOUGH, I GOT A 754 00:35:40,104 --> 00:35:44,008 NOTE FROM JAMES LUPINE ASKING ME IF I WOULD BLURB THE BOOK. 755 00:35:44,075 --> 00:35:44,609 >> OH, BOY, THANK YOU. 756 00:35:44,675 --> 00:35:45,676 THAT BLURB WAS GREAT. 757 00:35:45,743 --> 00:35:46,143 >> STEPHEN: AND I WANTED TO READ IT TO THESE PEOPLE. 758 00:35:46,210 --> 00:35:47,345 >> PLEASE. 759 00:35:47,411 --> 00:35:48,079 >> STEPHEN: IT'S A TRUE STORY, AND I WANTED TO SAY IT TO YOU. 760 00:35:48,145 --> 00:35:49,480 YOU MAY KNOW THIS. 761 00:35:49,547 --> 00:35:52,617 WHEN I WAS 19 I READ THE LYRICS OF "PUTTING IT TOGETHER" TO MY 762 00:35:52,683 --> 00:36:00,591 MOTHER TO SAY THIS IS WHAT I WANTED TO DO WITH MY LIFE. 763 00:36:00,658 --> 00:36:01,626 EVEN THOUGH I HAD NO IDEA OF WHAT 'THIS' MIGHT BE. 764 00:36:01,692 --> 00:36:03,661 I COULDN'T SING LIKE MANDY PATINKIN. 765 00:36:03,728 --> 00:36:05,563 I COULDN'T COMPOSE LIKE SONDHEIM. 766 00:36:05,630 --> 00:36:09,467 BUT THAT PLAY WAS A WINDOW FROM THIS WORLD TO THAT, AND I WILL 767 00:36:09,534 --> 00:36:16,841 ALWAYS BE GRATEFUL TO YOU FOR LAYING OUT THE DESIRE AND THE 768 00:36:16,908 --> 00:36:18,142 BEAUTY OF THE ACT OF CREATION ITSELF, REGARDLESS OF WHERE THAT 769 00:36:18,209 --> 00:36:19,443 MAY TAKE YOU." 770 00:36:19,510 --> 00:36:21,479 >> WHEN I READ THAT, I WAS TOUCHED. 771 00:36:21,546 --> 00:36:23,047 AND I'M TOUCHED AGAIN. 772 00:36:23,114 --> 00:36:24,081 THANK YOU. 773 00:36:24,148 --> 00:36:33,758 ( APPLAUSE ) >> STEPHEN: THANK YOU. 774 00:36:33,824 --> 00:36:37,428 NOW, BROADWAY FULLY OPENED THIS WEEK. 775 00:36:37,495 --> 00:36:42,733 WHICH IS FANTASTIC. 776 00:36:42,800 --> 00:36:43,501 >> YEAH, ISN'T THAT GREAT? 777 00:36:43,568 --> 00:36:44,702 >> STEPHEN: WHICH IS FANTASTIC. 778 00:36:44,769 --> 00:36:46,237 AND SOON "COMPANY," YOUR MUSICAL "COMPANY," IS COMING BACK IN 779 00:36:46,304 --> 00:36:48,105 NOVEMBER, THIS TIME SWAPPING THE GENDER OF MALE-FEMALE OF BOBBIE 780 00:36:48,172 --> 00:36:49,140 AND OTHER MEMBERS OF THE CAST. 781 00:36:49,206 --> 00:36:49,840 HAVE YOU SEEN IT YET? 782 00:36:49,907 --> 00:36:53,477 >> OH, YEAH, I SAW IT IN LONDON. 783 00:36:53,544 --> 00:36:57,481 AND, ALSO, WE HAD A WEEK OF PREVIEWS HERE BEFORE THE 784 00:36:57,548 --> 00:36:59,450 PANDEMIC CLOSED EVERYTHING DOWN. 785 00:36:59,517 --> 00:37:03,387 SO I SAW IT THERE. 786 00:37:03,454 --> 00:37:04,055 IT'S A WONDERFUL PRODUCTION. 787 00:37:04,121 --> 00:37:05,323 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED. 788 00:37:05,389 --> 00:37:06,357 AND I DON'T USUALLY TOUT MY OWN STUFF, BUT I URGE EVERYBODY HERE 789 00:37:06,424 --> 00:37:07,425 TO SEE IT. 790 00:37:07,491 --> 00:37:09,760 ( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 791 00:37:09,827 --> 00:37:11,662 >> STEPHEN: I HAVE A DATE WITH CHRISTINE BURANSKY. 792 00:37:11,729 --> 00:37:12,296 SHE'S TAKING ME. 793 00:37:12,363 --> 00:37:13,331 SHE ASKED ME TO GO WITH HER. 794 00:37:13,397 --> 00:37:17,501 >> YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE SUCH A GOOD TIME. 795 00:37:17,568 --> 00:37:21,472 IT'S REALLY ONE OF THE MOST ENTERTAINING EVENINGS I HAD IN 796 00:37:21,539 --> 00:37:21,839 THE THEATER. 797 00:37:21,906 --> 00:37:23,741 IT'S GREAT. 798 00:37:23,808 --> 00:37:26,010 THIS LADY, MARIANNE ELLIOTT, WHO DIRECTED IT, IS REMARKABLE. 799 00:37:26,077 --> 00:37:28,112 >> Stephen: I'M REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO IT. 800 00:37:28,179 --> 00:37:31,115 IT'S GOT A LOT TO LIVE UP TO IT. 801 00:37:31,182 --> 00:37:35,486 I WAS IN A PRODUCTION IN LINCOLN CENTER OF "COMPANY" IN 2010. 802 00:37:35,553 --> 00:37:38,656 AND I HAVE A BONE TO PICK WITH ABOUT THAT. 803 00:37:38,723 --> 00:37:41,359 DO YOU KNOW WHY I HAVE A BONE TO PICK WITH YOU? 804 00:37:41,425 --> 00:37:42,560 >> NO. 805 00:37:42,627 --> 00:37:45,296 >> Stephen: WE DIDN'T GET TO REHEARSE WITH EACH OTHER OR THE 806 00:37:45,363 --> 00:37:48,065 ORCHESTRA, LITERALLY, UNTIL THE DAY WE OPENED. 807 00:37:48,132 --> 00:37:53,571 I I WAS WORKING WITH SOMEBODY WHO HAD A T-SHIRT ON THAT SAID 808 00:37:53,638 --> 00:37:56,374 "PATTI LuPONE ON IT, AND REQUEST THE MUSICAL DIRECTOR. 809 00:37:56,440 --> 00:37:59,610 SO I GOT ONE CHANCE TO SING MY SONG, LITERALLY, RIGHT BEFORE 810 00:37:59,677 --> 00:38:02,980 THEY CLOSED THE HOUSE AND BROUGHT THE AUDIENCE IN, TO SING 811 00:38:03,047 --> 00:38:06,984 MY SONG, "SORRY GRATEFUL" WITH THE PHILHARMONIC. 812 00:38:07,051 --> 00:38:11,622 AND I'M ABOUT TO OPEN MY MOUTH, HERE COMES THE SWELLS-- THE 813 00:38:11,689 --> 00:38:14,859 STRAINS, THE LEAD OF THE SHOW, AND STEPHEN SONDHEIM WALKS DOWN 814 00:38:14,925 --> 00:38:17,528 THE AISLE OF THE THEATER AND SITS IN THE FRONT ROW RIGHT 815 00:38:17,595 --> 00:38:18,562 BEFORE MY SONG BEGINS. 816 00:38:18,629 --> 00:38:21,832 AND I HAVE FLOWN WITH THE THUNDERBIRDS. 817 00:38:21,899 --> 00:38:26,904 I HAVE GONE WITH THE-- DOWN A TOBOGGAN WITH THE WORLD 818 00:38:26,971 --> 00:38:27,838 CHAMPIONSHIP BOBSLED TEAM. 819 00:38:27,905 --> 00:38:30,775 I HAVE JUMPED OFF OF BRIDGES IN NEW ZEALAND. 820 00:38:30,841 --> 00:38:34,879 AND THE MOST TERRIFYING THING I'VE EVER DONE IS OPEN MY 821 00:38:34,945 --> 00:38:37,948 MOWINGS AND SING SONDHEIM IN FRONT OF STEPHEN SONDHEIM. 822 00:38:38,015 --> 00:38:40,951 YOU HAD TO KNOW THE EFFECT THAT WAS GOING TO HAVE ON ME WHEN YOU 823 00:38:41,018 --> 00:38:41,852 SAT DOWN THERE. 824 00:38:41,919 --> 00:38:43,754 >> DO YOU KNOW WHY I SAT IN THE FRONT ROW? 825 00:38:43,821 --> 00:38:44,989 >> Stephen: WHY. 826 00:38:45,056 --> 00:38:47,725 >> BECAUSE I WANTED TO SEE THE LOOK OF THRILL ON YOUR FACE WHEN 827 00:38:47,792 --> 00:38:49,326 YOU HEARD THAT ORCHESTRA BEHIND YOU. 828 00:38:49,393 --> 00:38:51,195 YOU MUST HAVE THOUGHT I'M ON TOP OF A MOUNTAIN. 829 00:38:51,262 --> 00:38:52,763 I MEAN -- >> Stephen: IT IS AN 830 00:38:52,830 --> 00:38:55,466 EXTRAORDINARY FEELING TO BE IN FRONT OF PHILHARMONIC AND RIDE 831 00:38:55,533 --> 00:38:56,867 THE WAVE OF ALL THAT BEAUTY. 832 00:38:56,934 --> 00:38:58,769 >> OH, MAN. 833 00:38:58,836 --> 00:38:59,737 ABSOLUTELY. 834 00:38:59,804 --> 00:39:00,771 >> Stephen: YOU'RE JUST AFRAID YOU MIGHT DROWN. 835 00:39:00,838 --> 00:39:03,407 >> I DIDN'T KNOW YOU DID ALL THOSE ATHLETIC THINGS. 836 00:39:03,474 --> 00:39:04,742 THAT'S NEWS TO ME. 837 00:39:04,809 --> 00:39:05,676 >> Stephen: OH, YES, YES. 838 00:39:05,743 --> 00:39:06,644 I'M A REAL ATHLETE. 839 00:39:06,711 --> 00:39:08,145 YOU SHOULD WATCH THE SHOW MORE. 840 00:39:08,212 --> 00:39:10,381 ( LAUGHTER ) I'M VERY SPORTY, STEVE. 841 00:39:10,448 --> 00:39:12,783 >> NO, NO, YOU'RE FEARLESS, OBVIOUSLY. 842 00:39:12,850 --> 00:39:17,521 >> Stephen: I'M VERY SPORTY. 843 00:39:17,588 --> 00:39:20,157 IN DECEMBER, WE'LL GET TO SEE STEPHEN SPIELBERG'S VERSION OF 844 00:39:20,224 --> 00:39:21,425 "WEST SIDE STORY," AND YOU VISITED THE SET. 845 00:39:21,492 --> 00:39:24,061 HERE WE GO. 846 00:39:24,128 --> 00:39:25,296 THERE'S ANOTHER. 847 00:39:25,362 --> 00:39:27,098 THERE YOU ARE WITH STEPHEN SPIELBERG ON THE SET. 848 00:39:27,164 --> 00:39:28,666 YOU VISITED WHILE THEY WERE SHOOTING. 849 00:39:28,733 --> 00:39:29,433 >> YEAH. 850 00:39:29,500 --> 00:39:29,900 >> STEPHEN: WHAT CAN YOU TELL US? 851 00:39:29,967 --> 00:39:31,936 WHAT DO YOU KNOW? 852 00:39:32,002 --> 00:39:33,471 >> OH, IT'S TERRIFIC. 853 00:39:33,537 --> 00:39:34,872 AGAIN, TOUTING MY OWN WORK. 854 00:39:34,939 --> 00:39:35,940 NO, IT'S REALLY TERRIFIC. 855 00:39:36,006 --> 00:39:36,640 EVERYBODY, GO. 856 00:39:36,707 --> 00:39:38,809 YOU'LL REALLY HAVE A GOOD TIME. 857 00:39:38,876 --> 00:39:40,811 ( LAUGHTER ) AND FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO KNOW 858 00:39:40,878 --> 00:39:44,849 THE SHOW, THERE ARE GOING TO BE SOME REAL SURPRISES IN IT, 859 00:39:44,915 --> 00:39:49,487 BECAUSE TONY KUSHNER, WHO WROTE THE SCREENPLAY, HAS DONE SOME 860 00:39:49,553 --> 00:39:53,457 REALLY IMAGINATIVE AND SURPRISING THINGS WITH THE WAY 861 00:39:53,524 --> 00:39:57,461 THE SONGS ARE USED IN THE STORY. 862 00:39:57,528 --> 00:40:00,064 AND THE WHOLE THING IS-- HAS REAL SPARKLE TO IT AND REAL 863 00:40:00,131 --> 00:40:01,465 ENERGY. 864 00:40:01,532 --> 00:40:02,967 AND IT FEELS FRESH. 865 00:40:03,033 --> 00:40:05,469 IT'S JUST-- IT'S REALLY FIRST RATE. 866 00:40:05,536 --> 00:40:09,473 AND MOVIE MUSICALS ARE HARD TO DO, AND THIS ONE, SPIELBERG AND 867 00:40:09,540 --> 00:40:12,076 KUSHNER REALLY NAILED IT. 868 00:40:12,143 --> 00:40:13,477 >> STEPHEN: IT'S LOVELY TO SEE YOU AGAIN. 869 00:40:13,544 --> 00:40:14,345 THANK YOU FOR COMING ON. 870 00:40:14,411 --> 00:40:15,279 >> MY PLEASURE. 871 00:40:15,346 --> 00:40:18,082 >> STEPHEN: I LOOK FORWARD TO "SQUARE ONE." 872 00:40:18,149 --> 00:40:18,649 >> MY PLEASURE. 873 00:40:18,716 --> 00:40:21,018 >> "SQUARE ONE," INDEED. 874 00:40:31,128 --> 00:40:32,463 >> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW." 875 00:40:32,530 --> 00:40:35,866 TUNE IN NEXT WEEK WHEN I'LL BE JOINED BY JENNIFER LAWRENCE, 876 00:40:35,933 --> 00:40:38,469 ADAM McKAY, AND MICHAEL B. 877 00:40:38,536 --> 00:40:42,640 JORDAN. 878 00:40:42,706 --> 00:40:43,007 COME ON! 879 00:40:43,073 --> 00:40:43,874 GOOD NIGHT.