1 00:00:01,201 --> 00:00:02,736 >> IN EL SALVADOR, THE COUNTRY 2 00:00:02,802 --> 00:00:06,005 IS PLANNING TO BUILD WHAT THEY'RE CALLING A BITCOIN CITY. 3 00:00:06,072 --> 00:00:08,341 THE PLAN WAS ANNOUNCED BY THE PRESIDENT, WHO SAYS THE BITCOIN 4 00:00:08,408 --> 00:00:09,576 CITY WILL BE RIGHT BY THE OCEAN AT THE BASE OF A VOLCANO THAT 5 00:00:09,642 --> 00:00:12,979 WILL BE USED FOR ENERGY AS POWER. 6 00:00:13,046 --> 00:00:14,914 >> DO YOU TALK ABOUT CRYPTOCURRENCY EVERY HOUR OF 7 00:00:14,981 --> 00:00:16,649 EVERY DAY? 8 00:00:16,716 --> 00:00:18,051 ARE YOU PASSIONATE ABOUT EXPLAINING THE BLOCKCHAIN TO 9 00:00:18,118 --> 00:00:21,187 PEOPLE THAT DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT? 10 00:00:21,254 --> 00:00:22,889 THEN YOU WILL LOVE BITCOIN CITY! 11 00:00:22,956 --> 00:00:26,893 A NEW CRYPTO PARADISE, AND DEFINITELY NOT A GLOBAL 12 00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:30,897 CONSPIRACY TO GATHER ALL OF THE WORLD'S MOST ANNOYING PEOPLE AT 13 00:00:30,964 --> 00:00:31,865 THE BASE OF AN ACTIVE VOLCANO! 14 00:00:31,931 --> 00:00:34,901 YOU WILL LIVE IN BITCOIN BUILDINGS! 15 00:00:34,968 --> 00:00:37,203 YOU WILL DRIVE BITCOIN CARS! 16 00:00:37,270 --> 00:00:40,874 AND YOU WON'T BE COVERED IN A FIERY BLANKET OF MOLTEN LAVA! 17 00:00:40,940 --> 00:00:42,175 DON'T WORRY! 18 00:00:42,242 --> 00:00:45,178 SO IGNORE THE HATERS WHO SAY CRYPTOCURRENCY IS A FAD, OR 19 00:00:45,245 --> 00:00:49,115 LIVING AT THE BASE OF A VOLCANO IS STUPID! 20 00:00:49,182 --> 00:00:50,784 WHO ARE YOU GOING TO TRUST? 21 00:00:50,850 --> 00:00:52,018 A VULCANOLOGIST OR A PRESIDENT WHO'S COOL ENOUGH TO WEAR A 22 00:00:52,085 --> 00:00:54,854 BACKWARDS HAT? 23 00:00:54,921 --> 00:00:57,424 AND THE FINANCIAL CHARTS HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE PROMISING! 24 00:00:57,490 --> 00:00:58,858 OOPS! 25 00:00:58,925 --> 00:00:59,759 THAT'S A SEISMOGRAPH. 26 00:00:59,826 --> 00:01:02,662 THE CHARTS HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE PROMISING! 27 00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:06,900 THE CRYPTO MARKET IS ABOUT TO ERUPT, AND WE WANT YOU TO BE IN 28 00:01:06,966 --> 00:01:09,202 BITCOIN CITY WHEN IT EXPLODES! 29 00:01:09,269 --> 00:01:14,908 AND COMING SOON TO NORWAY, DOGECOIN MOUNTAIN! 30 00:01:14,974 --> 00:01:17,377 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE 31 00:01:17,444 --> 00:01:22,916 SHOW" WITH STEPHEN COLBERT! 32 00:01:22,982 --> 00:01:27,187 TONIGHT, HIT ME WITH YOUR BOOTS ON. 33 00:01:27,253 --> 00:01:38,398 TONIGHT, STEPHEN WELCOMES ANDREW GARFIELD AND CHEF JOSEÉ ANDREÉS, 34 00:01:38,465 --> 00:01:39,599 FEATURING JON BATISTE AND "STAY HUMAN." 35 00:01:39,666 --> 00:01:45,171 AND NOW LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK 36 00:01:45,238 --> 00:01:57,183 CITY, STEPHEN COLBERT! 37 00:01:57,250 --> 00:01:57,884 HEY! 38 00:01:57,951 --> 00:01:58,885 I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT YOU! 39 00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:09,195 NICE TO MEET YOU! 40 00:02:09,262 --> 00:02:14,901 HELLO, JON. 41 00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:18,972 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HEY! 42 00:02:19,038 --> 00:02:20,340 PLEASE! 43 00:02:20,406 --> 00:02:20,840 EVERYBODY! 44 00:02:20,907 --> 00:02:23,443 PLEASE HAVE A SEAT! 45 00:02:23,510 --> 00:02:25,278 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE. 46 00:02:25,345 --> 00:02:27,180 THANK YOU FOR JOINING US. 47 00:02:27,247 --> 00:02:29,582 ( PIANO RIFF ) SO NICE. 48 00:02:29,649 --> 00:02:31,217 WELCOME ONE AND ALL TO "THE LATE SHOW." 49 00:02:31,284 --> 00:02:35,255 I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT. 50 00:02:35,321 --> 00:02:39,225 AND IT IS THE MONDAY BEFORE THANKSGIVING. 51 00:02:39,292 --> 00:02:42,061 >> Jon: YEAH. 52 00:02:42,128 --> 00:02:46,399 >> Stephen: MEANING YOU'VE ONLY GOT THREE 53 00:02:46,466 --> 00:02:47,667 MORE DAYS TO COME UP WITH WHAT YOU'RE THANKFUL FOR. 54 00:02:47,734 --> 00:02:49,269 IF YOU'RE REALLY STUCK, JUST SAY KEANU REEVES. 55 00:02:49,335 --> 00:02:50,436 EVERYBODY LIKES HIM. 56 00:02:50,503 --> 00:02:52,872 PERSONALLY, I'M GRATEFUL THAT ON FRIDAY, HISTORY WAS MADE. 57 00:02:52,939 --> 00:02:54,908 BECAUSE JOE BIDEN TEMPORARILY TRANSFERRED POWER TO VICE 58 00:02:54,974 --> 00:02:58,912 PRESIDENT KAMALA HARRIS WHILE UNDERGOING A ROUTINE 59 00:02:58,978 --> 00:03:02,916 COLONOSCOPY, MAKING HARRIS THE FIRST WOMAN TO ASSUME 60 00:03:02,982 --> 00:03:04,117 PRESIDENTIAL POWER. 61 00:03:04,183 --> 00:03:10,990 YES, 100 YEARS AFTER WOMEN GOT THE RIGHT TO VOTE, WE FINALLY 62 00:03:11,057 --> 00:03:18,031 GOT THE FIRST FEMALE PRESIDENT, ...ON A TECHNICALITY. 63 00:03:18,097 --> 00:03:19,299 ( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 64 00:03:19,365 --> 00:03:24,571 AND I DID NOT KNOW THIS, ON-- TURNS OUT, THIS WHOLE TIME THE 65 00:03:24,637 --> 00:03:26,806 GLASS CEILING WAS IN JOE BIDEN'S BUTT. 66 00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:27,407 >> Jon: OH! 67 00:03:27,473 --> 00:03:29,242 >> Stephen: DID NOT KNOW. 68 00:03:29,309 --> 00:03:34,080 HAD NO IDEA. 69 00:03:34,147 --> 00:03:35,315 ( LAUGHTER ) HARRIS HAD PRESIDENTIAL POWERS 70 00:03:35,381 --> 00:03:37,283 FOR 85 MINUTES. 71 00:03:37,350 --> 00:03:38,585 NOT VERY LONG. 72 00:03:38,651 --> 00:03:39,552 BUT THE JOB IS SO STRESSFUL. 73 00:03:39,619 --> 00:03:43,923 HERE'S WHAT SHE LOOKED LIKE BEFORE, AND AFTER. 74 00:03:43,990 --> 00:03:46,993 ( LAUGHTER ) THERE YOU GO. 75 00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:49,295 THIS TEMPORARY HANDOVER IS NOT UNPRECEDENTED, BUT IT'S A 76 00:03:49,362 --> 00:03:51,464 DEPARTURE FROM HOW THE SAME SITUATION WAS HANDLED BY FORMER 77 00:03:51,531 --> 00:03:56,536 PRESIDENT, SULK HOGAN. 78 00:03:56,603 --> 00:03:58,838 ( LAUGHTER ) BACK IN 2019, HE UNDERWENT A 79 00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:03,009 COLONOSCOPY BUT HE DID NOT WANT TO HAND POWER TO THEN-VICE 80 00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:07,647 PRESIDENT MIKE PENCE, SO HE REFUSED TO GO UNDER ANESTHESIA. 81 00:04:07,714 --> 00:04:18,858 GIVES A WHOLE NEW MEANING TO HIS MOTTO: MA ...GAAAH! 82 00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:21,661 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF ) 83 00:04:21,728 --> 00:04:23,830 THERE YOU GO. 84 00:04:23,896 --> 00:04:27,000 BIDEN'S COLONOSCOPY WAS PART OF HIS ANNUAL PHYSICAL, WHERE HIS 85 00:04:27,066 --> 00:04:29,168 DOCTORS FOUND THAT HE'S HEALTHY AND REMAINS FIT TO SUCCESSFULLY 86 00:04:29,235 --> 00:04:31,070 EXECUTE THE DUTIES OF THE PRESIDENCY. 87 00:04:31,137 --> 00:04:34,073 THAT'S GREAT. 88 00:04:34,140 --> 00:04:35,008 I'M GLAD HE'S HEALTHY. 89 00:04:35,074 --> 00:04:36,275 OF COURSE. 90 00:04:36,342 --> 00:04:37,510 BUT I WAS SORT OF HOPING THEY'D FIND THAT HE HAS THAT BENJAMIN 91 00:04:37,577 --> 00:04:39,012 BUTTON DISEASE, AND HE'S ACTUALLY GETTING YOUNGER EVERY 92 00:04:39,078 --> 00:04:42,682 DAY. 93 00:04:42,749 --> 00:04:43,916 IT WASN'T JUST A PHYSICAL EXAM. 94 00:04:43,983 --> 00:04:47,020 BIDEN'S DOCTORS ALSO CHECKED THE OLD NOODLE SHOP, AND CONFIRMED 95 00:04:47,086 --> 00:04:50,990 THAT HE'S STILL GOT ALL OF HIS RAMEN, SHOWING NO FINDINGS 96 00:04:51,057 --> 00:04:54,994 CONSISTENT WITH ANY CEREBELLAR OR OTHER CENTRAL NEUROLOGICAL 97 00:04:55,061 --> 00:04:55,862 DISORDER. 98 00:04:55,928 --> 00:04:58,331 (AS BIDEN) I CAN PASS ANY BRAIN TEST YOU 99 00:04:58,398 --> 00:04:59,365 THROW AT ME. 100 00:04:59,432 --> 00:05:01,300 YOU WANT ME TO REMEMBER THE FIVE WORDS YOU TOLD ME? 101 00:05:01,367 --> 00:05:02,835 EASY-PEASY. 102 00:05:02,902 --> 00:05:09,976 HERE WE GO: PERSON, WOMAN, JACK, MALARKEY, C'MON BUT THE MAN IS 103 00:05:10,043 --> 00:05:10,610 79, AND IT SHOWS. 104 00:05:10,677 --> 00:05:11,010 I'M SERIOUS. 105 00:05:11,077 --> 00:05:12,378 I LOVE WORDS. 106 00:05:12,445 --> 00:05:16,749 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Jon: GIT IT, JOE! 107 00:05:16,816 --> 00:05:17,750 I LOVE WORDS. 108 00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:20,386 THE ONLY THING I GOT MORE IN MY MOUTH IS TEETH. 109 00:05:20,453 --> 00:05:26,759 BUT THE MAN IS 79, AND IT SHOWS BECAUSE BIDEN'S PHYSICAL DID 110 00:05:26,826 --> 00:05:27,960 FIND THAT HE IS SUFFERING FROM A PERCEPTIBLY STIFFER AND LESS 111 00:05:28,027 --> 00:05:28,728 FLUID GAIT. 112 00:05:28,795 --> 00:05:32,732 OR AS FOX NEWS CALLS IT: GAIT-GATE. 113 00:05:32,799 --> 00:05:34,467 ( LAUGHTER ) THE PRESIDENT IS ALSO APPARENTLY 114 00:05:34,534 --> 00:05:37,303 EXPERIENCING A MORE FREQUENT NEED TO CLEAR HIS THROAT OR 115 00:05:37,370 --> 00:05:38,604 COUGH. 116 00:05:38,671 --> 00:05:41,708 BUT LOOK, AS YOU GET OLDER, YOU MAKE MORE WEIRD NOISES. 117 00:05:41,774 --> 00:05:43,609 HAPPENS TO ME. 118 00:05:43,676 --> 00:05:44,844 IT'S WHY MY AUDIO GUY HAS TO MUTE ME EVERY TIME I SIT DOWN OR 119 00:05:44,911 --> 00:05:46,913 STAND UP. 120 00:05:46,979 --> 00:05:48,848 ( LAUGHTER ) JUST LISTEN TO MY ISOLATED MIC 121 00:05:48,915 --> 00:05:51,250 FROM LAST WEEK: STEPHEN COLBERT: PLEASE WELCOME 122 00:05:51,317 --> 00:05:52,852 BACK TO THE LATE SHOW, ADAM DRIVER. 123 00:05:52,919 --> 00:05:59,158 (OLD MAN SOUNDS) HAAAAAH, AHHH, OHHHHGGGG! 124 00:05:59,225 --> 00:06:04,831 WITH THE KNEES... 125 00:06:04,897 --> 00:06:07,900 ( LAUGHTER ) THAT JOKE'S BASED ON A TRUE 126 00:06:07,967 --> 00:06:08,835 STORY. 127 00:06:08,901 --> 00:06:09,736 ( LAUGHTER ) AFTER HIS PHYSICAL, BIDEN HEADED 128 00:06:09,802 --> 00:06:11,137 TO THE ANNUAL TURKEY PARDONING CEREMONY. 129 00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:12,839 TO PROMOTE THE EVENT, THE WHITE HOUSE RELEASED THIS VIDEO OF THE 130 00:06:12,905 --> 00:06:20,213 CONDEMNED: ♪♪ 131 00:06:20,279 --> 00:06:28,821 >> Stephen: THAT'S NICE, BUT WHY DID THEY PUT '70s PORN 132 00:06:28,888 --> 00:06:35,161 MUSIC OVER THAT? 133 00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:38,364 ♪ MAKING GRAVY -- ). 134 00:06:38,431 --> 00:06:40,433 I GUESS THE VIDEO'S NSFW. 135 00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:42,902 AT THE CEREMONY ITSELF, BIDEN ENJOYED THEIR NAMES: 136 00:06:42,969 --> 00:06:47,607 >> TWO NAMES I COULDN'T AGREE ON MORE. 137 00:06:47,673 --> 00:06:50,610 WHO BETTER HELP CELEBRATE THE HOLIDAY IN WHICH WE BREAK THE 138 00:06:50,676 --> 00:06:55,882 BREAD FOR TWO TURKEYS NAMED PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY. 139 00:06:55,948 --> 00:06:57,350 >> STEPHEN: HMM, WHAT BETTER WAY TO CELEBRATE THE HOLIDAY THAN 140 00:06:57,416 --> 00:07:00,753 WITH PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY? 141 00:07:00,820 --> 00:07:06,192 EXCEPT MAYBE ANYTHING ASSOCIATED WITH THANKSGIVING? 142 00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:06,859 DRUMSTICK AND CRANBERRY? 143 00:07:06,926 --> 00:07:10,429 MASHED POTATOES AND STUFFING? 144 00:07:10,496 --> 00:07:17,270 AUNT RITA AND CASUAL RACISM? 145 00:07:17,336 --> 00:07:18,638 ( APPLAUSE ) ALSO ON FRIDAY, THE F.D.A. AND 146 00:07:18,704 --> 00:07:22,508 C.D.C. MADE IT OFFICIAL AND ANNOUNCED THAT ALL AMERICAN 147 00:07:22,575 --> 00:07:30,149 ADULTS ARE NOW ELIGIBLE FOR CORONAVIRUS VACCINE BOOSTERS. 148 00:07:30,216 --> 00:07:31,818 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YES, EVERYONE! 149 00:07:31,884 --> 00:07:34,453 COME ON! 150 00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:36,289 TACK TACK! 151 00:07:36,355 --> 00:07:38,324 >> Jon: GET THE THIRD STICK. 152 00:07:38,391 --> 00:07:41,460 >> Stephen: EVERYONE'S GETTING THEIR 153 00:07:41,527 --> 00:07:42,562 THIRD SHOT AND COUNTING. 154 00:07:42,628 --> 00:07:43,429 BY THE END OF THIS PANDEMIC WE'RE ALL GONNA LOOK LIKE 155 00:07:43,496 --> 00:07:44,197 THIS. 156 00:07:44,263 --> 00:07:45,364 THE PICTURE OF HEALTH. 157 00:07:45,431 --> 00:07:47,266 THE MOVE WAS MADE IN PART BECAUSE RATES OF PEOPLE GETTING 158 00:07:47,333 --> 00:07:49,001 BOOSTED WERE SLOWED BY MONTHS OF CONFUSION OVER 159 00:07:49,068 --> 00:07:51,637 COMPLICATED GUIDELINES. 160 00:07:51,704 --> 00:07:54,240 I ACTUALLY DON'T THINK THEY WERE THAT COMPLICATED. 161 00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:57,944 BOOSTERS WERE AVAILABLE FOR PEOPLE OVER THE AGE OF 65 162 00:07:58,010 --> 00:08:00,746 THOSE WITH UNDERLYING MEDICAL CONDITIONS, AND THOSE AT HIGH 163 00:08:00,813 --> 00:08:04,584 RISK OF EXPOSURE AS LONG AS THEY GOT IT IN THE RIGHT ARM FROM THE 164 00:08:04,650 --> 00:08:06,452 HOURS OF MIDNIGHT TO 6AM, TUESDAYS AND THURSDAY, ONLY AT 165 00:08:06,519 --> 00:08:10,423 PARTICIPATING WENDY'S WHILE SUPPLIES LAST. 166 00:08:10,489 --> 00:08:16,395 VOID WHERE PROHIBITED NOW THAT THE BOOSTER HAS FINALLY 167 00:08:16,462 --> 00:08:19,332 BEEN OKAYED, YOU MIGHT WANT TO GET ONE. 168 00:08:19,398 --> 00:08:21,968 CNN'S DR JONATHAN REINER EXPLAINS: 169 00:08:22,034 --> 00:08:30,209 >> I THINK YOU NEED TO ASSESS YOUR OWN VULNERABILITY. 170 00:08:30,276 --> 00:08:31,410 YOU -- IF YOU ARE NOT BOOSTED, YOU ARE NOT FULLY VACCINATED. 171 00:08:31,477 --> 00:08:32,178 >> STEPHEN: WHAT? 172 00:08:32,245 --> 00:08:33,412 WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL US EARLIER. 173 00:08:33,479 --> 00:08:35,982 IT'S LIKE FINDING A LABEL ON A BULLET-PROOF VEST: 174 00:08:36,048 --> 00:08:36,749 WON'T STOP BULLETS. 175 00:08:36,816 --> 00:08:42,421 BUY TWO MORE ( LAUGHTER ) 176 00:08:42,488 --> 00:08:45,825 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Jon: IT'S NOT RIGHT! 177 00:08:45,892 --> 00:08:48,494 >> Stephen: IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. 178 00:08:48,561 --> 00:08:49,128 >> Jon: IT SHOULD WORK. 179 00:08:49,195 --> 00:08:51,497 >> Stephen: NOBODY TOLD US! 180 00:08:51,564 --> 00:08:54,066 THEN, DR REINER WARNED HOLIDAY TRAVELERS TO LEAVE THEIR MASKS 181 00:08:54,133 --> 00:08:55,668 ON AT ALL TIMES: >> AND IF YOU'RE NOT FULLY 182 00:08:55,735 --> 00:08:58,437 VACCINATED, YOU NEED A REALLY GOOD MASK. 183 00:08:58,504 --> 00:09:00,740 WHEN YOU'RE ON AN AIRPLANE, I WOULD SKIP THE SMALL GLASS OF 184 00:09:00,806 --> 00:09:04,443 SODA. 185 00:09:04,510 --> 00:09:05,645 >> Stephen: OKAY. 186 00:09:05,711 --> 00:09:06,646 I'LL SKIP THE SMALL GLASS OF SODA AND GO RIGHT TO THE LITTLE 187 00:09:06,712 --> 00:09:09,248 BOTTLE OF BOURBON. 188 00:09:09,315 --> 00:09:10,483 ( LAUGHTER ) OF COURSE, THE BIG NEWS ON 189 00:09:10,549 --> 00:09:14,420 FRIDAY WAS THAT, AFTER BEING ACCUSED OF CROSSING STATE LINES, 190 00:09:14,487 --> 00:09:17,123 KILLING TWO PEOPLE, AND WOUNDING ANOTHER LAST YEAR DURING A BLACK 191 00:09:17,189 --> 00:09:18,424 LIVES MATTER PROTEST KYLE RITTENHOUSE WAS ACQUITTED 192 00:09:18,491 --> 00:09:24,530 ON ALL COUNTS. 193 00:09:24,597 --> 00:09:26,432 ( AUDIENCE REACTS ) OKAY, CARDS ON THE TABLE, I'M 194 00:09:26,499 --> 00:09:30,436 NOT A LEGAL EXPERT, SO I CAN'T TELL YOU WHETHER OR NOT KYLE 195 00:09:30,503 --> 00:09:32,772 RITTENHOUSE BROKE THE LAW, BUT I CAN TELL YOU THIS: IF HE DIDN'T 196 00:09:32,838 --> 00:09:36,742 BREAK THE LAW WE SHOULD CHANGE THE LAWS. 197 00:09:36,809 --> 00:09:44,383 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THAT SEEMS TIMBER. 198 00:09:44,450 --> 00:09:49,488 THAT SEEMS SIMPLE. 199 00:09:49,555 --> 00:09:58,431 IF EMILY POST SAID IT WAS PERFECTLY PROPER TO GO TO 200 00:09:58,497 --> 00:10:01,200 THANKSGIVING, DROP TROU AND LEAVE YOUR ASS PRINT IN THE 201 00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:02,435 PUMPKIN PIE, I'D BE LIKE, OKAY, NOT ILLEGAL, BUT THE SYSTEM IS 202 00:10:02,501 --> 00:10:03,602 BROKEN. 203 00:10:03,669 --> 00:10:05,738 SO, RITTENHOUSE WAS FOUND NOT GUILTY, BUT ONLY A COMPLETE 204 00:10:05,805 --> 00:10:06,839 MORON WOULD CELEBRATE THIS TRAGEDY BY MAKING THIS GUY A 205 00:10:06,906 --> 00:10:08,874 HERO. 206 00:10:08,941 --> 00:10:10,443 ENTER... 207 00:10:10,509 --> 00:10:12,745 FLORIDA CONGRESSMAN AND MAN DEMANDING TO KNOW WHY HE'S BEING 208 00:10:12,812 --> 00:10:18,451 KICKED OUT OF THE SWEET SIXTEEN PARTY, MATT GAETZ. 209 00:10:18,517 --> 00:10:28,527 AFTER THE VERDICT, GAETZ TWEETED NOT GUILTY! 210 00:10:28,594 --> 00:10:30,229 OF COURSE, GAETZ HAS A VESTED INTEREST IN JURIES FINDING 211 00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:32,898 PEOPLE NOT GUILTY, ESPECIALLY WHEN IT INVOLVES A 17-YEAR-OLD 212 00:10:32,965 --> 00:10:34,433 CROSSING STATE LINES. 213 00:10:34,500 --> 00:10:38,437 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) TRUE STORY. 214 00:10:38,504 --> 00:10:42,441 IN OTHER NEWS, BABIES. 215 00:10:42,508 --> 00:10:46,445 THEY'RE LIKE PEOPLE, BUT HAPPY. 216 00:10:46,512 --> 00:10:52,985 ( LAUGHTER ) THE U.S. BIRTHRATE HAS NOW 217 00:10:53,052 --> 00:10:54,353 DECLINED FOR THE SIXTH STRAIGHT YEAR, WHICH MEANS WE MAY NOT 218 00:10:54,420 --> 00:10:55,621 HAVE ENOUGH POPULATION GROWTH TO KEEP THE FUTURE ECONOMY AFLOAT. 219 00:10:55,688 --> 00:10:56,989 SPECIFICALLY, THE DAYTIME TALK SHOW ECONOMY. 220 00:10:57,056 --> 00:10:58,424 (AS TALK SHOW HOST) YOU ARRRRE, NOT THE FATHER 221 00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:00,760 ...BECAUSE YOU OPTED TO USE YOUR THIRTIES TO PURSUE A SECOND 222 00:11:00,826 --> 00:11:02,428 MASTERS. 223 00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:05,965 HEY, GOOD FOR YOU. 224 00:11:06,032 --> 00:11:08,300 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 225 00:11:08,367 --> 00:11:10,136 THE ANTI-BABY TREND LOOKS TO CONTINUE, BECAUSE A RECORD 226 00:11:10,202 --> 00:11:12,772 NUMBER OF ADULTS WHO DON'T HAVE CHILDREN SAY THEY'RE NOT GOING 227 00:11:12,838 --> 00:11:16,308 TO HAVE THEM, ACCORDING TO A SURVEY, WHICH ASKED: 228 00:11:16,375 --> 00:11:18,444 THINKING ABOUT THE FUTURE, HOW LIKELY IS IT THAT YOU WILL HAVE 229 00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:20,713 CHILDREN SOMEDAY? 230 00:11:20,780 --> 00:11:22,448 THAT SURVEY, CONDUCTED BY "THE NEW ENGLAND JOURNAL OF 231 00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:25,751 MOTHERS-INLAW." 232 00:11:25,818 --> 00:11:26,719 ( LAUGHTER ) IT'S A FOLLOW-UP ON THEIR 233 00:11:26,786 --> 00:11:29,822 LANDMARK STUDY: WHO'S GOING TO DRIVE ME TO THE 234 00:11:29,889 --> 00:11:30,556 AIRPORT? 235 00:11:30,623 --> 00:11:36,295 ( LAUGHTER ) ♪ MOTHER-IN-LAW ♪ 236 00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:37,496 WHEN ASKED WHY THEY'RE UNLIKELY TO HAVE KIDS, 56% SAID IT'S 237 00:11:37,563 --> 00:11:38,731 BECAUSE THEY JUST DON'T WANT THEM. 238 00:11:38,798 --> 00:11:41,100 FOR SOME REASON, THESE PEOPLE PREFER SLEEPING, DRINKING, SEX, 239 00:11:41,167 --> 00:11:43,436 EXTRA INCOME, NICE FURNITURE, WEEKEND PLANS, AND HAVING MORE 240 00:11:43,502 --> 00:11:49,141 THAN 30 SECONDS TO POOP. 241 00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:58,317 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪ MOTHER-IN-LAW ♪ 242 00:11:58,384 --> 00:11:59,485 ♪ MOTHER-IN-LAW ♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 243 00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:01,554 >> Stephen: THAT IS ALL THE PARENTS CLAPPING BECAUSE THEY 244 00:12:01,620 --> 00:12:03,889 KNOW THAT JOKE IS TRUE. 245 00:12:03,956 --> 00:12:05,391 UNSURPRISINGLY, A LOT OF FOLKS ALSO FELT IT WOULD BE TOO 246 00:12:05,458 --> 00:12:06,892 DIFFICULT TO RAISE KIDS BECAUSE OF ECONOMIC OR FINANCIAL REASONS 247 00:12:06,959 --> 00:12:13,132 AND THE SPIRALING COSTS OF CHILD CARE, HEALTH CARE AND EDUCATION. 248 00:12:13,199 --> 00:12:14,400 AND MOST COMPELLING OF ALL, HOW HARD IT IS TO GET THEIR LITTLE 249 00:12:14,467 --> 00:12:15,267 SHOES ON. 250 00:12:15,334 --> 00:12:18,838 (AS DAD) WE'RE ALREADY LATE WHY ARE THERE 251 00:12:18,904 --> 00:12:22,875 SUDDENLY NO BONES IN YOUR BODY? 252 00:12:22,942 --> 00:12:24,877 FORGET IT! 253 00:12:24,944 --> 00:12:30,850 I'LL PUT THEM ON IN THE CAR AND I'LL DRIVE WITH MY FEET! 254 00:12:30,916 --> 00:12:32,051 WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT, MY GUESTS ARE ANDREW 255 00:12:32,118 --> 00:12:33,419 GARFIELD AND CHEF JOSEÉ ANDREÉS. 256 00:12:33,486 --> 00:12:37,022 BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, JUST WHAT IS AN N.F.T.? 257 00:12:37,089 --> 00:12:40,159 WATCH MY SEGMENT ABOUT IT AND I PROMISE, YOU MAY STILL NOT KNOW. 258 00:13:16,162 --> 00:13:18,430 >> Stephen: JON BATISTE AND "STAY HUMAN," EVERYBODY! 259 00:13:18,497 --> 00:13:21,867 GIVE IT UP FOR THE BAND! 260 00:13:21,934 --> 00:13:31,177 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY! 261 00:13:31,243 --> 00:13:33,846 JON, TONIGHT WE'VE GOT TWO OF MY FAVORITE GUESTS. 262 00:13:33,913 --> 00:13:40,186 WE HAVE THE LOVELY AND TALENTED ANDREW GARFIELD IS GOING TO BE 263 00:13:40,252 --> 00:13:41,453 HERE TONIGHT. 264 00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:42,721 REALLY LOVELY. 265 00:13:42,788 --> 00:13:46,125 AND THIS GUY JUST MAKES ME FEEL GOOD, HE'S FUNNY, TALENTED, VERY 266 00:13:46,192 --> 00:13:52,331 GOOD MAN, JOSEÉ ANDREÉS FROM WOR CENTRAL KITCHEN. 267 00:13:52,398 --> 00:13:53,632 >> Jon: HE GIVES BACK. 268 00:13:53,699 --> 00:13:54,533 INCREDIBLE. 269 00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:56,735 >> Stephen: DO YOU KNOW WHAT WE'RE COOKING? 270 00:13:56,802 --> 00:13:58,204 YOU DON'T KNOW. 271 00:13:58,270 --> 00:14:01,106 ARE YOU GOING TO COOK ENOUGH FOR EVERYBODY? 272 00:14:01,173 --> 00:14:01,574 YEAH, WE WILL. 273 00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:02,741 >> Jon: OH, YEAH! 274 00:14:02,808 --> 00:14:03,342 EVERYBODY GETS SOME. 275 00:14:03,409 --> 00:14:05,611 >> Stephen: IS THAT TRUE? 276 00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:06,212 THAT'S NOT TRUE. 277 00:14:06,278 --> 00:14:08,080 ALL RIGHT. 278 00:14:08,147 --> 00:14:10,216 ( LAUGHTER ) ANYWAY, IT'S GOING TO BE GOOD. 279 00:14:10,282 --> 00:14:16,188 FOLKS, AS YOU KNOW, I LOVE TO STAY ON TOP OF ALL THE NEW 280 00:14:16,255 --> 00:14:17,856 HOTTEST INTERNET TRENDS. 281 00:14:17,923 --> 00:14:21,860 I WAS CLIMBING INTO RANDOM STRANGERS' CARS BEFORE UBER WAS 282 00:14:21,927 --> 00:14:23,329 EVEN A THING. 283 00:14:23,395 --> 00:14:25,731 FOR A COUPLE YEARS NOW, ONE OF THE HOT FINANCIAL TRENDS ON THE 284 00:14:25,798 --> 00:14:29,868 INTERNET IS N.F.T.S, OR NON-FUNGIBLE TOKENS. 285 00:14:29,935 --> 00:14:31,637 CONFUSED AS TO WHAT THEY ARE? 286 00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:33,872 THAT MIGHT BE BECAUSE EVERYONE WHO TRIES TO DEFINE THEM DOES A 287 00:14:33,939 --> 00:14:35,808 TERRIBLE JOB. 288 00:14:35,874 --> 00:14:38,010 FOR INSTANCE, ACCORDING TO ONE PLACE ON THE INTERNET, AN N.F.T. 289 00:14:38,077 --> 00:14:41,880 IS A DIGITAL GOOD THAT LIVES ON THE ETHEREUM BLOCKCHAIN. 290 00:14:41,947 --> 00:14:53,859 'CUZ NOTHING CLEARS THINGS U FASTER LIKE MENTIONING T THE 291 00:14:53,926 --> 00:14:54,927 ETHEREUM BLOCKCHAIN. 292 00:14:54,994 --> 00:14:57,863 I THINK YOU GET THERE THROUGH THE NARNIA BLOODGATE. 293 00:14:57,930 --> 00:14:59,798 SO, HERE'S MY EXPLANATION: YOU KNOW HOW IN THE REAL WORLD 294 00:14:59,865 --> 00:15:03,502 YOU LIKE A WORK OF ART, YOU CAN BUY IT AND IT'S YOURS? 295 00:15:03,569 --> 00:15:04,637 AN N.F.T. IS THE WAY TO DO WITH SOMETHING DIGITAL. 296 00:15:04,703 --> 00:15:07,406 YOU SEE SOMETHING YOU LIKE ONLINE BUT RATHER THAN BUY IT 297 00:15:07,473 --> 00:15:11,844 PHYSICALLY, YOU GO TO AN ONLINE MARKETPLACE AND BUY THE DIGITAL 298 00:15:11,910 --> 00:15:17,182 ORIGINAL FROM THE OWNER, STAMPED WITH A UNIQUE DIGITAL CODE AND 299 00:15:17,249 --> 00:15:20,853 THE OBJECT OR TOKEN IS STORED ON SOMETHING CALLED A BLOCKCHAIN, A 300 00:15:20,919 --> 00:15:25,491 SECURE, PERMANENT, DECENTRALIZED LEDGER THAT KEEPS TRACK OF WHO 301 00:15:25,557 --> 00:15:31,830 OWNS WHAT AND WHERE TRANSACTIONS CAN BE ADDED BUT DATA CAN NEVER 302 00:15:31,897 --> 00:15:33,499 BE ERASED. 303 00:15:33,565 --> 00:15:36,568 ANYTHING WITH A DIGITAL FOOTPRINT CAN TECHNICALLY BE 304 00:15:36,635 --> 00:15:40,806 SOLD AS AN N.F.T. 305 00:15:40,873 --> 00:15:41,740 WHEW! 306 00:15:41,807 --> 00:15:54,953 IS THIS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE JOHN OLIVER? 307 00:15:55,020 --> 00:15:55,854 BLIMEY. 308 00:15:55,921 --> 00:15:56,989 NOW I GET WHY HE ONLY DOES ONE SHOW A WEEK. 309 00:15:57,056 --> 00:15:59,825 NOW, THERE'S REAL MONEY BEING SPENT ON THIS FAKE STUFF. 310 00:15:59,892 --> 00:16:08,467 SOME NOTABLE N.F.T. SALES INCLUDE GUCCI GHOST, WHICH SOLD 311 00:16:08,534 --> 00:16:10,269 FOR A COOL $3,600. 312 00:16:10,336 --> 00:16:12,037 THE FAMOUS DISASTER GIRL PHOTO FOR $500,000, AND EARLY INTERNET 313 00:16:12,104 --> 00:16:13,806 MEME NYAN CAT, ALMOST $600,000. 314 00:16:13,872 --> 00:16:15,841 NYAN CAT IS, OF COURSE, A MEME OF A CAT WITH A POP-TART BODY, 315 00:16:15,908 --> 00:16:19,912 PRANCING THROUGH SPACE, WITH RAINBOWS FLYING OUT ITS BUTT. 316 00:16:19,978 --> 00:16:23,816 WHICH MAKES SLIGHTLY MORE SENSE TO ME THAN THE CONCEPT OF 317 00:16:23,882 --> 00:16:26,185 N.F.T.'S. 318 00:16:26,251 --> 00:16:29,655 MAYBE THE STRANGEST EXAMPLE OF AN N.F.T. IS RAPPER AZEALIA 319 00:16:29,722 --> 00:16:32,191 BANKS RELEASING AN N.F.T. SEX TAPE. 320 00:16:32,257 --> 00:16:35,828 OK, I THOUGHT THESE THINGS WERE NON FUNGIBLE. 321 00:16:35,894 --> 00:16:39,832 A SEX S TWO PEOPLE FUNG-ING EACH OTHER. 322 00:16:39,898 --> 00:16:46,038 TO BE CLEAR, AZEALIA'S N.F.T. IS STRICTLY AN AUDIO SEX-TAPE, 323 00:16:46,105 --> 00:16:49,441 NAMED "I (BLEEP)ED RYDER RIPPS," HEY, SPOILER ALERT YOU CAN'T 324 00:16:49,508 --> 00:16:51,844 GIVE AWAY ALL THE DETAILS IN THE TITLE. 325 00:16:51,910 --> 00:16:55,314 ORSON WELLES DIDN'T NAME HIS CLASSIC MOVIE 326 00:16:55,381 --> 00:16:55,814 ROSEBUD IS THE SLED. 327 00:16:55,881 --> 00:16:59,184 AND I (BLEEP)ED IT. 328 00:16:59,251 --> 00:17:03,822 SO, I'M STILL NOT QUITE SOLD ON N.F.T.S. 329 00:17:03,889 --> 00:17:11,196 BUT, IF YOU LIKED MY EXPLANATION OF WHAT N.F.T.s WERE THAT WE 330 00:17:11,263 --> 00:17:14,333 SHOWED A WHILE AGO, I HAVE GREAT NEWS. 331 00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:18,670 I HAVE WRITTEN THAT EXPLANATION ALL OUT ON THE DELIVERY BAG THAT 332 00:17:18,737 --> 00:17:19,872 MY LUNCH CAME IN TODAY. 333 00:17:19,938 --> 00:17:23,842 AND I'M SELLING MY HANDWRITTEN EXPLANATION OF N.F.T.'S AS THE 334 00:17:23,909 --> 00:17:32,184 WORLD'S FIRST A.F.T., OR, "ACTUAL (BLEEP)ING THING." 335 00:17:32,251 --> 00:17:38,190 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) SALMON? 336 00:17:38,257 --> 00:17:41,093 SALMON, MMM. 337 00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:46,131 YOU CAN BID ON IT AT WWW.COLBERTLATESHOW.COM/EBAY 338 00:17:46,198 --> 00:17:49,835 PROCEEDS WILL GO TO DONORS CHOOSE. 339 00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:58,210 YOU'LL HELP FUND CLASSROOMS WHERE KIDS CAN LEARN IMPORTANT 340 00:17:58,277 --> 00:17:59,244 STUFF -- ( APPLAUSE ) 341 00:17:59,311 --> 00:18:01,513 THEY CAN LEARN IMPORTANT STUFF LIKE THE DIFFERENCE 342 00:18:01,580 --> 00:18:02,514 BETWEEN THINGS THAT EXIST AND THINGS THAT DON'T. 343 00:18:02,581 --> 00:18:04,450 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH ANDREW GARFIELD. 344 00:18:22,568 --> 00:18:29,208 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 345 00:18:29,274 --> 00:18:30,442 WELCOME BACK. 346 00:18:30,509 --> 00:18:33,479 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS A TONY WINNING 347 00:18:33,545 --> 00:18:36,715 ACTOR FROM STAGE AND SCREEN, PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE 348 00:18:36,782 --> 00:18:39,685 SHOW," ANDREW GARFIELD! 349 00:18:39,751 --> 00:18:49,728 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING ) 350 00:18:49,795 --> 00:19:01,473 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING ) 351 00:19:01,540 --> 00:19:02,040 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 352 00:19:02,107 --> 00:19:03,208 >> THANK YOU, THANK YOU. 353 00:19:03,275 --> 00:19:05,577 >> Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN. 354 00:19:05,644 --> 00:19:06,912 >> SO NAYS TO SEE YOU, ALWAYS. 355 00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:10,816 I KNOW IT HASN'T BEEN LONG, BUT I'M SO GLAD TO BE BACK, ALONG 356 00:19:10,883 --> 00:19:12,985 WITH YOU, JON, AND EVERYONE HERE. 357 00:19:13,051 --> 00:19:14,019 IT'S LOVELY. 358 00:19:14,086 --> 00:19:16,355 >> Stephen: I LIKE THE SUIT, SORT OF A RUST VELVET. 359 00:19:16,421 --> 00:19:17,389 >> THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT IT IS. 360 00:19:17,456 --> 00:19:19,591 >> Stephen: IS IT REALLY? 361 00:19:19,658 --> 00:19:20,058 YEAH. 362 00:19:20,125 --> 00:19:21,660 >> Stephen: MAY I? 363 00:19:21,727 --> 00:19:22,261 YES. 364 00:19:22,327 --> 00:19:23,228 >> Stephen: THAT'S LOVELY. 365 00:19:23,295 --> 00:19:24,930 YOU'RE STROKING YOUR OWN FINGER. 366 00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:28,033 >> Stephen: WAS I? 367 00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:30,669 ( LAUGHTER ) THIS IS A JOKE, MAN, WE'RE DOING 368 00:19:30,736 --> 00:19:32,004 COMEDY. 369 00:19:32,070 --> 00:19:33,438 IT'S A FABRIC JOKE. 370 00:19:33,505 --> 00:19:34,640 >> VERY GOOD. 371 00:19:34,706 --> 00:19:39,578 JUST IN CASE THE CAMERA DIDN'T GET IT, I BAND TO MAKE PEOPLE 372 00:19:39,645 --> 00:19:41,914 YOU YOU WERE RUBBING YOUR OWN SKIN. 373 00:19:41,980 --> 00:19:45,317 >> Stephen: OVER THE YEARS -- THAT'S AN UNCLE JOKE. 374 00:19:45,384 --> 00:19:50,956 >> I NEVER EXPERIENCED FAB BRICK BEFORE, THAT'S MY FIRST TIME. 375 00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:53,058 >> Stephen: LEARNED SOMETHING EVERY DAY. 376 00:19:53,125 --> 00:19:53,892 >> JUST GRATEFUL. 377 00:19:53,959 --> 00:19:55,427 >> Stephen: OVER THE YEARS, MY FRIEND. 378 00:19:55,494 --> 00:19:56,395 >> YES. 379 00:19:56,461 --> 00:19:58,864 >> Stephen: YOU'VE ACTED WITH SO MANY GREATS. 380 00:19:58,931 --> 00:20:01,333 MERYL STREEP, SALLY FIELD. 381 00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:05,504 YOUR LIAM NEESONS, YOUR TOM CRUISES, BUT I UNDERSTAND YOUR 382 00:20:05,571 --> 00:20:08,040 FIRST CO-STAR WAS YOUR BROTHER. 383 00:20:08,106 --> 00:20:12,611 >> BENJAMIN GARFIELD WHO IS HERE RIGHT NOW IN THE AUDIENCE. 384 00:20:12,678 --> 00:20:14,212 >> Stephen: BENJAMIN. 385 00:20:14,279 --> 00:20:14,580 BENJAMIN. 386 00:20:14,646 --> 00:20:16,715 WHERE IS HE? 387 00:20:16,782 --> 00:20:17,516 >> BENJAMIN! 388 00:20:17,583 --> 00:20:25,223 >> Stephen: WHERE ARE YOU, BENJAMIN? 389 00:20:25,290 --> 00:20:26,325 YES! 390 00:20:26,391 --> 00:20:29,194 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) DID WE GET A SHOT OF BENJAMIN 391 00:20:29,261 --> 00:20:30,329 NOW? 392 00:20:30,395 --> 00:20:31,930 WHAT IS THE AGE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR BROTHER? 393 00:20:31,997 --> 00:20:37,669 >> HE IS THREE YEARS OLDER THAN ME. 394 00:20:37,736 --> 00:20:42,741 ( LAUGHTER ) WHY ARE WE LEAVING SO MANY 395 00:20:42,808 --> 00:20:43,275 PAUSES AROUND THE HOUSE? 396 00:20:43,342 --> 00:20:45,177 >> Stephen: NO PAUSES. 397 00:20:45,243 --> 00:20:47,112 YOU LOOK -- GREAT. 398 00:20:47,179 --> 00:20:49,581 ( LAUGHTER ) I'M JUST SAYING -- I'M JUST 399 00:20:49,648 --> 00:20:53,652 SAYING, THREE ROUGH YEARS, IS WHAT I'M SAYING. 400 00:20:53,719 --> 00:20:58,357 ( LAUGHTER ) THREE! 401 00:20:58,423 --> 00:21:00,258 LET'S LOOK AT THIS MOP! 402 00:21:00,325 --> 00:21:01,693 AND YOU LOOK FANTASTIC. 403 00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:04,630 I WOULD NOT HAVE PICKED YOU OUT TO HAVE THE CROWD! 404 00:21:04,696 --> 00:21:13,939 THIS SEEMS LIKE A DOMINANT GENETIC FACTOR IN THE FAMILY! 405 00:21:14,006 --> 00:21:15,374 >> THAT'S MY DAD. 406 00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:17,709 >> Stephen: THAT'S FATHER RIGHT THERE. 407 00:21:17,776 --> 00:21:22,514 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> WAIT, WAIT, I HAVE TO QUALIFY 408 00:21:22,581 --> 00:21:23,081 THIS. 409 00:21:23,148 --> 00:21:23,849 I HAVE TO QUALIFY THIS. 410 00:21:23,915 --> 00:21:26,818 I GOT MY MOTHER'S GENES. 411 00:21:26,885 --> 00:21:31,523 MY BROTHER GOT MY FATHER'S. 412 00:21:31,590 --> 00:21:34,026 >> Stephen: YOU NEED TO EXPLAIN THAT PART. 413 00:21:34,092 --> 00:21:38,230 >> MY BROTHER IS A DOCTOR, AND I'M MERELY AN ACTOR, SO THERE'S 414 00:21:38,296 --> 00:21:41,667 A GOOD REASON FOR HIM TO HAVE LOST ALL HIS HAIR. 415 00:21:41,733 --> 00:21:44,369 HE'S A PULMONARY DOCTOR, A LUNG DOCTOR. 416 00:21:44,436 --> 00:21:53,645 SO FOR THE LAST TWO YEARS, THIS MOTHER HUBBARD HAS BEEN SAVING 417 00:21:53,712 --> 00:21:56,014 PEOPLE'S LIVES. 418 00:21:56,081 --> 00:22:08,026 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I LOVE YOU! 419 00:22:08,093 --> 00:22:11,563 HE'S THE KIND OF GUY THAT WILL STAY THREE HOURS LATE MUCH TO 420 00:22:11,630 --> 00:22:12,798 HIS OWN DETRIMENT. 421 00:22:12,864 --> 00:22:16,702 HE'S THE GUY THAT YOU WANT MAKING SURE THAT YOUR LUNGS ARE 422 00:22:16,768 --> 00:22:17,836 OPERABLE AND YOU'RE BREATHING. 423 00:22:17,903 --> 00:22:19,137 SO I LOVE YOU. 424 00:22:19,204 --> 00:22:20,505 THIS WASN'T PLANNED, BY THE WAY. 425 00:22:20,572 --> 00:22:28,580 WE DIDN'T JUST TRICK YOU HERE TO CALL OUT YOUR BALDNESS AND YOUR 426 00:22:28,647 --> 00:22:29,247 DOCTOR-Y-NESS. 427 00:22:29,314 --> 00:22:30,916 >> Stephen: THAT'S JUST GRAVY. 428 00:22:30,982 --> 00:22:32,584 ( LAUGHTER ) WHAT WAS THE FIRST MOVIE? 429 00:22:32,651 --> 00:22:33,685 >> A BOXING MOVIE. 430 00:22:33,752 --> 00:22:39,991 MY FATHER WAS AN ASPIRING VHS, CAM CORDING FILM-MAKER. 431 00:22:40,058 --> 00:22:41,193 >> Stephen: OH. 432 00:22:41,259 --> 00:22:45,964 AND HE ROPED US INTO BEATING THE ( BLEEP ) OUT OF EACH OTHE 433 00:22:46,031 --> 00:22:46,631 BASICALLY. 434 00:22:46,698 --> 00:22:47,833 >> Stephen: HOW OLD WERE YOU? 435 00:22:47,899 --> 00:22:49,501 THREE AND MY BROTHER WAS SIX. 436 00:22:49,568 --> 00:22:53,438 >> Stephen: HE HAD A SIX-YEAR-OLD BEAT UP A TODDLER? 437 00:22:53,505 --> 00:22:54,372 >> THAT'S WHAT IT WAS. 438 00:22:54,439 --> 00:22:58,710 I GOT THE MIC, DAD, YOU DON'T GET TO DECIDE. 439 00:22:58,777 --> 00:23:01,046 HE'S LIKE THIS -- NO, NO, NO, NO. 440 00:23:01,113 --> 00:23:01,713 I REMEMBER. 441 00:23:01,780 --> 00:23:03,415 >> Stephen: DID IT SELL WELL? 442 00:23:03,482 --> 00:23:09,454 WE GOT AN AUDIENCE OF ONE, WHO WAS MY MOTHER WHO LOVED IT, 443 00:23:09,521 --> 00:23:13,391 BUT, ALSO, MY DAD IS A BRILLIANT, CREATIVE PERSON. 444 00:23:13,458 --> 00:23:15,694 THERE WAS NO CUTS, OBVIOUSLY. 445 00:23:15,761 --> 00:23:16,828 ALL LIVE. 446 00:23:16,895 --> 00:23:20,031 HE WOULD MAKE UP HIS OWN COMMERCIALS FOR, LIKE, MOPS AND 447 00:23:20,098 --> 00:23:21,199 LAUNDRY COMPANIES. 448 00:23:21,266 --> 00:23:28,273 HE WAS, LIKE, OBSESSED WITH AMERICAN -- MY FATHER WAS FROM 449 00:23:28,340 --> 00:23:30,008 HERE WHEN WE WERE IN THE U.K. 450 00:23:30,075 --> 00:23:34,246 MY BROTHER'S MONIKER AS A SIX-YEAR-OLD BOXER WAS THE BIG 451 00:23:34,312 --> 00:23:34,846 BABY KING. 452 00:23:34,913 --> 00:23:36,314 >> Stephen: AND YOU WERE. 453 00:23:36,381 --> 00:23:39,951 I WAS JUST THE THREE-YEAR-OLD WHO GOT THE ( BLEEP ) KICKED O 454 00:23:40,018 --> 00:23:40,786 OF HIM. 455 00:23:40,852 --> 00:23:43,455 ( LAUGHTER ) NO, NO, THERE WAS NO BLOOD 456 00:23:43,522 --> 00:23:44,689 SEXUALLY HARASSED. 457 00:23:44,756 --> 00:23:48,326 AND HE HAD A SONG AND IT WENT SOMETHING ALONG THE LINES OF -- 458 00:23:48,393 --> 00:23:53,665 THIS MAKES NO SENSE, AN INSIDE JOKE -- BIG BABY KING, OLD FAT 459 00:23:53,732 --> 00:23:58,270 AND WING, INSIDE THE BOXING RING, NOT THE WRESTLING RING. 460 00:23:58,336 --> 00:23:59,437 IS THAT CORRECT? 461 00:23:59,504 --> 00:24:00,839 I NAILED IT ( LAUGHTER ) 462 00:24:00,906 --> 00:24:02,474 >> Stephen: SOUNDS LIKE TIME FOR A REMATCH. 463 00:24:02,541 --> 00:24:04,176 COULD YOU TAKE HIM NOW STILL? 464 00:24:04,242 --> 00:24:07,445 >> I MEAN, IT'S, LIKE, LOOK AT HIM. 465 00:24:07,512 --> 00:24:08,980 HE'S SO MEAN LOOKING. 466 00:24:09,047 --> 00:24:12,717 >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK, BUT DON'T GO 467 00:24:12,784 --> 00:24:13,752 ANYWHERE. 468 00:24:13,819 --> 00:24:15,854 WE'LL BE BACK WITH MORE ANDREW GARFIELD, EVERYBODY. 469 00:24:23,695 --> 00:24:24,963 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 470 00:24:25,030 --> 00:24:29,134 WE'RE BACK WITH THE STAR OF THE NEW MOVIE "TICK TICK BOOM," 471 00:24:29,201 --> 00:24:30,635 ANDREW GARFIELD. 472 00:24:30,702 --> 00:24:33,705 THE LAST TIME YOU WERE HERE YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT HOW YOU WERE 473 00:24:33,772 --> 00:24:42,080 CAST IN THE NEW FILM TICK TICK BOOM DIRECTED BY LIN-MANUEL 474 00:24:42,147 --> 00:24:47,319 MIRANDA, AND YOU HAVE TO SING, BUT YOU'RE NOT A SINGER, AND YOU 475 00:24:47,385 --> 00:24:51,156 WERE UNPREPARED AND A FRIEND TOD LIN, HOE, HE HAS THE VOICE 476 00:24:51,223 --> 00:24:58,063 OF AN ANGEL, AND THEY CAST YOU AND THEY SAID YOU HAVE TO DO IT. 477 00:24:58,129 --> 00:25:01,900 WHAT WAS IT FINALLY LIKE TO OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND SING THE SONGS? 478 00:25:01,967 --> 00:25:05,170 WAS IT IN FRONT OF LIN OR A READ THRU? 479 00:25:05,237 --> 00:25:08,106 >> LIN IS AMAZING BECAUSE HE'S THE KIND OF PERSON WHO CAN SEE 480 00:25:08,173 --> 00:25:10,275 YOU BETTER THAN YOURSELF. 481 00:25:10,342 --> 00:25:15,981 SO HE'D SEEN TO ME IN "ANGELS IN AMERICA" AND SAID I THINK YOU 482 00:25:16,047 --> 00:25:16,815 CAN SING. 483 00:25:16,882 --> 00:25:19,918 AND I SAID, I THINK YOU MIGHT BE WRONG. 484 00:25:19,985 --> 00:25:25,423 HE SAID, TRUST ME, WHOEVER GAVE YOU AN IDEA YOU COULDN'T DO 485 00:25:25,490 --> 00:25:27,692 THINGS, I NEED TO HAVE A STERN WORD FOR HIM. 486 00:25:27,759 --> 00:25:30,795 HE WAS A CARING, STERN MENTOR. 487 00:25:30,862 --> 00:25:34,966 AND HE GAVE ME TIME WITH LIZ, WHO WAS AN AMAZING SINGING COACH 488 00:25:35,033 --> 00:25:37,435 AND SHE GAVE ME THE CONFIDENCE TO START DOING IT. 489 00:25:37,502 --> 00:25:41,072 I WAS A MONTH OR SO INTO MY PREPARATION AND I WAS SINGING 490 00:25:41,139 --> 00:25:44,709 WITH ANOTHER PERSON, KURT CROWLEY AT THE PIANO, WORKING ON 491 00:25:44,776 --> 00:25:47,812 THE FIRST NUMBER IN THE FILM IN PRIVATE, BECAUSE I WAS, LIKE, NO 492 00:25:47,879 --> 00:25:50,882 ONE COME IN BECAUSE THIS IS ME NAKED IN HERE VOCALLY. 493 00:25:50,949 --> 00:25:54,352 NOT LITERALLY, I WASN'T SINGING NAKED. 494 00:25:54,419 --> 00:25:55,453 BUT -- YOU HAVE BEEN. 495 00:25:55,520 --> 00:25:57,122 BUT IT WOULD HAVE MAYBE HELPED. 496 00:25:57,188 --> 00:25:58,590 >> Stephen: IT'S THEATER. 497 00:25:58,657 --> 00:26:01,860 IT'S THE THEATER COMMUNITY, BABY, YOU KNOW HOW WE DO IT. 498 00:26:01,927 --> 00:26:05,664 AND LIN HAD SNUCK IN, IN THE BACK OF THE ROOM. 499 00:26:05,730 --> 00:26:06,865 THE BASTARD. 500 00:26:06,932 --> 00:26:11,970 AND THE FIRST THING I KNEW WAS THAT HE WAS THERE WAS HIS SHOE 501 00:26:12,037 --> 00:26:17,575 FLEW ACROSS MY FACE WHILE IT WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FIRST 502 00:26:17,642 --> 00:26:23,481 PHRASE OF THIS SONG, AND I LOOKED AROUND AND IT WAS HIM 503 00:26:23,548 --> 00:26:26,751 LOOKING AT MY ANGRILY, HAPPILY, AND SAID, ANDREW GARFIELD, YOU 504 00:26:26,818 --> 00:26:27,585 CAN SING! 505 00:26:27,652 --> 00:26:30,388 I DON'T HAVE TO RECAST YOU! 506 00:26:30,455 --> 00:26:32,257 ( LAUGHTER ) AND HE WAS SO RELIEVED, AND IT 507 00:26:32,324 --> 00:26:35,660 WAS THE SHOE OF BLISS, AND THAT WAS THAT, WE WERE KIND OF OFF TO 508 00:26:35,727 --> 00:26:36,828 THE RACES FROM THERE. 509 00:26:36,895 --> 00:26:40,699 >> Stephen: THESE SONGS ARE NOT EASY THAT YOU DO IN THIS. 510 00:26:40,765 --> 00:26:49,607 YOU HAVE ONE SONG WE HAVE TO QUICKLYISHING -- THE NAME'S 14 511 00:26:49,674 --> 00:26:54,446 ROOMMATES THE CHARACTER HAD? 512 00:26:54,512 --> 00:26:55,580 >> YES. 513 00:26:55,647 --> 00:26:59,584 HE WAS IN AN ARTIST'S APARTMENT AND HE HAD A CAROUSEL OF 514 00:26:59,651 --> 00:27:07,058 ROOMMATES THAT WOULD COME THROUGH AND IT WAS JUST LIKE 14 515 00:27:07,125 --> 00:27:09,995 PEOPLE IN JUST FOUR YEARS, YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW HOW IT IS WHEN 516 00:27:10,061 --> 00:27:12,931 YOU'RE A KID TRYING TO MAKE IT IN THE BIG CITY. 517 00:27:12,998 --> 00:27:15,867 SO, YEAH, HE LISTS THE NAME OF AS MANY ROOMMATES AS HE CAN 518 00:27:15,934 --> 00:27:17,235 REMEMBER IN THE MOMENT. 519 00:27:17,302 --> 00:27:19,004 >> Stephen: CAN YOU STILL DO IT? 520 00:27:19,070 --> 00:27:20,438 >> OH, COME ON. 521 00:27:20,505 --> 00:27:22,707 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: I MEAN, THAT'S A 522 00:27:22,774 --> 00:27:24,209 NO, I GUESS. 523 00:27:24,275 --> 00:27:27,512 ( CHEERING ) >> Stephen: I'M JUST SAYING, 524 00:27:27,579 --> 00:27:32,183 I'M JUST SAYING I BET YOUR BROTHER COULD DO IT. 525 00:27:32,250 --> 00:27:33,351 >> OOOH-AAAA! 526 00:27:33,418 --> 00:27:37,422 THAT'S THE BIG BABY KING WOULD NAIL THIS, I KNOW, AND DAD'S 527 00:27:37,489 --> 00:27:38,189 WATCHING. 528 00:27:38,256 --> 00:27:39,457 >> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU NEED TO DO? 529 00:27:39,524 --> 00:27:52,103 >> BREATHE AND I NEED EVERYONE TO DO THIS AND FOLLOW MY LEAD. 530 00:27:52,170 --> 00:27:57,075 JONATHAN CAROLYN AND CARRY, DAVIDSON, TIM WAS GUEST FROM 531 00:27:57,142 --> 00:27:58,543 JUNE TO JANUARY. 532 00:27:58,610 --> 00:28:02,947 ELSA THE BILL CORRECT ER'S TREATMENT WHO STILL IS ON THE 533 00:28:03,014 --> 00:28:04,215 LAND. 534 00:28:04,282 --> 00:28:07,852 DEPARTMENT FORGET THE NEIGHBORS, MICHELLE AND GAY, MORE LIKE THE 535 00:28:07,919 --> 00:28:09,487 FAMILY THAN THE FAMILY. 536 00:28:09,554 --> 00:28:24,202 THIS IS THE LIFE, BOBO BOBO BOBO BO -- BOHEMIA! 537 00:28:24,269 --> 00:28:28,173 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF ) 538 00:28:28,239 --> 00:28:32,377 >> Stephen: LARSON HIMSELF, YOU KNOW, WHILE HIS MUICALS ARE 539 00:28:32,444 --> 00:28:36,614 BELOVED, DIDN'T LIVE, UNFORTUNATELY, TO SEE THE 540 00:28:36,681 --> 00:28:41,753 SUCCESS, AND I KNOW THAT, YOU KNOW, HIS -- THE FILM WAS 541 00:28:41,820 --> 00:28:43,955 DEDICATED TO HIS MEMORY. 542 00:28:44,022 --> 00:28:49,894 I KNOW THAT YOU YOURSELF HAVE SUFFERED GREAT GRIEF JUST 543 00:28:49,961 --> 00:28:53,865 RECENTLY WITH THE LOSS OF YOUR MOTHER AND I'M SORRY FOR YOUR 544 00:28:53,932 --> 00:28:54,466 FAMILY'S LOSS. 545 00:28:54,532 --> 00:28:55,700 >> THANK YOU. 546 00:28:55,767 --> 00:28:59,070 >> Stephen: AND I'M WONDERING HOW DOING THIS SHOW OR ANY SHOW, 547 00:28:59,137 --> 00:29:02,607 HOW ART ITSELF HELPS YOU DEAL WITH GRIEF. 548 00:29:02,674 --> 00:29:08,179 >> YEAH, MMM -- I LOVE TALKING ABOUT IT, BY THE WAY, SO IF I 549 00:29:08,246 --> 00:29:12,183 CRY, IT'S ONLY LIKE -- IT'S ONLY A BEAUTIFUL THING. 550 00:29:12,250 --> 00:29:16,588 THIS IS ALL THE UNEXPRESSED LOVE, RIGHT, THE GRIEF THAT WILL 551 00:29:16,654 --> 00:29:21,493 REMAIN WITH US, YOU KNOW, UNTIL WE PASS BECAUSE WE DIDN'T -- WE 552 00:29:21,559 --> 00:29:24,095 NEVER GET ENOUGH TIME WITH EACH OTHER, RIGHT? 553 00:29:24,162 --> 00:29:32,003 NO MATTER IF SOMEONE LIVES TILL 60, 15 OR 99. 554 00:29:32,070 --> 00:29:36,608 I HOPE THIS GRIEF STAYS WITH ME BECAUSE IT'S THE UNEXPRESSED 555 00:29:36,674 --> 00:29:38,610 LOVE THAT I NEVER GOT TO TELL HER. 556 00:29:38,676 --> 00:29:41,880 WE ALL TOLD HER EVERY DAY, SHE WAS THE BEST OF US. 557 00:29:41,946 --> 00:29:46,718 SO, FOR ME, YOU KNOW, I WAS ABLE TO STEP INTO THIS IN A WAY WHERE 558 00:29:46,784 --> 00:29:50,054 I COULD HONOR THIS INCREDIBLE LIFE OF JONATHAN LARSON. 559 00:29:50,121 --> 00:29:56,728 HE DIED AT AGE 35 ON THE NIGHT OF THE FIRST PREVIEW OF RENT OFF 560 00:29:56,794 --> 00:30:00,031 BROADWAY IN THE NEW YORK THEATER WORKSHOP, SOME STRANGE TWIST OF 561 00:30:00,098 --> 00:30:01,466 FATE HE WAS TAKEN THAT SOON. 562 00:30:01,533 --> 00:30:05,069 THE FILM IS TO DO WITH THE TICKING CLOCK THAT WE ALL HAVE 563 00:30:05,136 --> 00:30:10,675 THAT WE ALL KNOW SOMEWHERE DEEP DOWN THAT LIFE IS SACRED, SHORT, 564 00:30:10,742 --> 00:30:14,512 AND WE BETTER BE HERE AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE WITH EACH OTHER HOLDING 565 00:30:14,579 --> 00:30:16,014 ON TO EACH OTHER. 566 00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:20,118 AND FOR ME, I GOT TO SING JONATHAN LARSON'S UNFINISHED 567 00:30:20,185 --> 00:30:26,324 SONG WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY SINGING FOR MY MOTHER AND HER 568 00:30:26,391 --> 00:30:31,462 UNFINISHED SONG, AND I'M INDEBTED TO JOHN, AND I'M 569 00:30:31,529 --> 00:30:35,033 INDEBTED TO LIN-MANUEL MIRANDA. 570 00:30:35,099 --> 00:30:38,836 I'M INDEBTED TO EVERYONE WHO'S BROUGHT ME TO THIS PLACE SO I 571 00:30:38,903 --> 00:30:42,006 CAN HONOR THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PERSON THAT I'VE EVER 572 00:30:42,073 --> 00:30:45,276 EXPERIENCED IN MY LIFE THROUGH MY ART AND USE IT AS A WAY TO 573 00:30:45,343 --> 00:30:49,614 HEAL, USE IT AS A WAY TO SEW UP THE WOUNDS BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT 574 00:30:49,681 --> 00:30:50,982 WE DO. 575 00:30:51,049 --> 00:30:54,485 THAT'S WHAT YOU DO EVERY NIGHT, YOU SEW UP OUR WOUNDS. 576 00:30:54,552 --> 00:30:59,190 YOU SEW UP OUR WOUNDS. 577 00:30:59,257 --> 00:31:04,696 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) AND BOTH JOHN AND MY MOTHER WERE 578 00:31:04,762 --> 00:31:08,466 ARTISTS AND THEY WERE WARRIORS FOR ART, THEY KNEW THE POWER OF 579 00:31:08,533 --> 00:31:12,203 ART AND THE POWER OF LEAVING THE WORLD IN A SLIGHTLY MORE 580 00:31:12,270 --> 00:31:14,172 BEAUTIFUL STATE THAN WHEN THEY FOUND IT. 581 00:31:14,239 --> 00:31:19,010 SO THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME TALK ABOUT HER AND THANK YOU FOR 582 00:31:19,077 --> 00:31:22,313 LETTING ME TALK ABOUT HER WITH MY TWO GUYS UP THERE AS WELL. 583 00:31:22,380 --> 00:31:23,081 SO THANK YOU. 584 00:31:23,147 --> 00:31:25,617 >> Stephen: THANK YOU FOR SHARING. 585 00:31:25,683 --> 00:31:29,587 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: "TICK TICK BOOM" 586 00:31:29,654 --> 00:31:32,257 IS AVAILABLE IN THEATERS AND ON NETFLIX. 587 00:31:32,323 --> 00:31:33,825 ANDREW GARFIELD, EVERYBODY. 588 00:31:33,891 --> 00:31:36,728 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH CHEF JOSEÉ ANDREÉS! 589 00:32:01,286 --> 00:32:03,388 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 590 00:32:03,454 --> 00:32:11,396 WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," AS PROFESSIONAL AS EVER. 591 00:32:11,462 --> 00:32:12,730 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) MY NEXT GUEST IS A CHEF AND 592 00:32:12,797 --> 00:32:15,767 HUMANITARIAN WHOSE CHARITY, WORLD CENTRAL KITCHEN, HAS 593 00:32:15,833 --> 00:32:18,603 PROVIDED DISASTER RELIEF TO MILLIONS ALL OVER THE WORLD. 594 00:32:18,670 --> 00:32:24,842 PLEASE WELCOME, BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," CHEF JOSEÉ ANDREÉS 595 00:32:24,909 --> 00:32:32,317 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) CHEF, THANKSGIVING IS COMING UP. 596 00:32:32,383 --> 00:32:35,720 WHAT CELEBRATION WILL YOU HELP US HAVE TONIGHT? 597 00:32:35,787 --> 00:32:38,956 >> THANKSGIVING, WE'RE GOING TO BRING A TRADITION OUTSIDE 598 00:32:39,023 --> 00:32:39,891 TRADITION. 599 00:32:39,957 --> 00:32:42,927 >> Stephen: A TRADITION OUTSIDEOF TRADITION? 600 00:32:42,994 --> 00:32:44,162 >> YEAH, BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA. 601 00:32:44,228 --> 00:32:48,099 THAT'S WHERE YOU LET PEOPLE LIKE ME COME IN TO BRING NEW 602 00:32:48,166 --> 00:32:51,436 TRADITIONS TO MIX WITH OLD TRADITIONS, WE THE PEOPLE! 603 00:32:51,502 --> 00:32:54,138 >> Stephen: ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL! 604 00:32:54,205 --> 00:33:01,079 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) SO WHAT ARE WE DOING? 605 00:33:01,145 --> 00:33:05,516 >> I JUST CAME BACK FROM THE SOUTH OF SPAIN. 606 00:33:05,583 --> 00:33:08,286 I'M SO GLAD YOU UNDERSTAND MY ENGLISH. 607 00:33:08,353 --> 00:33:10,588 >> Stephen: NOT EVERYONE UNDERSTANDS MY ENGLISH. 608 00:33:10,655 --> 00:33:12,457 SO WHAT IS IS THIS? 609 00:33:12,523 --> 00:33:14,392 ARE WE ROASTING MARSHMALLOWS? 610 00:33:14,459 --> 00:33:16,828 WHAT IS THIS? 611 00:33:16,894 --> 00:33:30,208 >> THIS HAS BEEN IN THE FIAOR -- >> Stephen: WHAT IS THAT? 612 00:33:30,274 --> 00:33:37,415 I HAVE BEEN IN FIADOR: THIS IS SHERRY. 613 00:33:37,482 --> 00:33:39,050 >> Stephen: IS THAT THE BOTTLE. 614 00:33:39,117 --> 00:33:41,519 >> THAT IS ONE TO HAVE THE TRADITIONAL DRESSES IN THE SOUTH 615 00:33:41,586 --> 00:33:42,553 OF SPAIN. 616 00:33:42,620 --> 00:33:46,557 >> Stephen: I'M NOT COMFORTABLE WHEN THE DRINK I'M 617 00:33:46,624 --> 00:33:49,527 ABOUT TO HAVE IS BETTER DRESSED THAN I AM. 618 00:33:49,594 --> 00:33:50,795 >> YOU'RE OKAY. 619 00:33:50,862 --> 00:34:00,238 THIS IS THE WAY THEY USED TO DO WITH SHERRY AND THEY WILL GO IN 620 00:34:00,304 --> 00:34:02,974 WITH THE NAME. 621 00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:05,777 REMEMBER LAST YEAR YOU TOOK ME TO THE ROOF. 622 00:34:05,843 --> 00:34:10,915 >> Stephen: WE HAD A PICTURE OF US COOKING ON THE ROOF 623 00:34:10,982 --> 00:34:13,050 BECAUSE WE COULDN'T BE INDOORS IN COVID. 624 00:34:13,117 --> 00:34:19,891 >> AND YOU PUT ME UNDER 105 DEGREES AND WE WERE FROM 625 00:34:19,957 --> 00:34:22,160 HIGH ABOVE -- >> Stephen: YOU'RE MAKING A 626 00:34:22,226 --> 00:34:22,794 MESS! 627 00:34:22,860 --> 00:34:24,228 WHAT IS THE BENEFIT OF THIS? 628 00:34:24,295 --> 00:34:27,331 >> THEY CAN A LOOK AT THIS! 629 00:34:27,398 --> 00:34:30,067 THIS IS THE WAY YOU DON'T GET DRUNK! 630 00:34:30,134 --> 00:34:33,504 AND YOU HAVE TO PUT IT INSIDE! 631 00:34:33,571 --> 00:34:34,238 OH! 632 00:34:34,305 --> 00:34:36,240 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YOU SEE? 633 00:34:36,307 --> 00:34:37,975 >> Stephen: THERE YOU GO. 634 00:34:38,042 --> 00:34:38,843 HEY, CAN WE SEE? 635 00:34:38,910 --> 00:34:43,181 I GOT A LITTLE BIT MORE THAN YOU DID! 636 00:34:43,247 --> 00:34:47,518 >> I AM FOLLOWING WHAT THE PRODUCERS TELL ME, LET HIM LOOK 637 00:34:47,585 --> 00:34:49,520 BETTER THAN YOU, JOSEÉ. 638 00:34:49,587 --> 00:34:51,989 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 639 00:34:52,056 --> 00:34:55,426 COME OVER HERE! 640 00:34:55,493 --> 00:34:56,961 >> Stephen: I UNDERSTAND. 641 00:34:57,028 --> 00:34:58,496 THIS IS NOT A TURKEY. 642 00:34:58,563 --> 00:35:00,164 THIS IS THANKSGIVING. 643 00:35:00,231 --> 00:35:01,365 WHAT IS THIS? 644 00:35:01,432 --> 00:35:03,968 >> THIS IS AN AMERICAN RED SNAPPER. 645 00:35:04,035 --> 00:35:08,539 IF IT'S AN AMERICAN RED SNAPPER, IT'S ALMOST LIKE AN AMERICAN 646 00:35:08,606 --> 00:35:08,973 TURKEY! 647 00:35:09,040 --> 00:35:09,841 COME ON, PEOPLE! 648 00:35:09,907 --> 00:35:13,544 >> Stephen: IT'S CALLED THE SEA TURKEY. 649 00:35:13,611 --> 00:35:14,579 >> THE SEA TURKEY. 650 00:35:14,645 --> 00:35:15,146 WHAT DO YOU DO? 651 00:35:15,213 --> 00:35:16,280 >> Stephen: YES. 652 00:35:16,347 --> 00:35:19,283 BECAUSE IF YOU'RE ON A DIET LOW ON SALT, WHAT YOU DO IS 653 00:35:19,350 --> 00:35:23,354 INSTEAD OF PUTTING THE SALT IN THE DISH, YOU PUT THE SALT OUT 654 00:35:23,421 --> 00:35:24,188 OF THE DISH. 655 00:35:24,255 --> 00:35:26,324 >> Stephen: THIS IS ALL JUST SEA SALT. 656 00:35:26,390 --> 00:35:31,028 >> YOU GET SALT AND PUT WATER LIKE I'M DOING, YOU MIX IT, THEN 657 00:35:31,095 --> 00:35:34,465 IT GETS WET AND YOU COVER THE FISH WITH THE SALT LIKE THAT. 658 00:35:34,532 --> 00:35:35,800 >> Stephen: ALL RIGHT. 659 00:35:35,867 --> 00:35:37,168 JUST PACK IT ON? 660 00:35:37,235 --> 00:35:38,402 >> YOU PACK IT ON COMPLETELY. 661 00:35:38,469 --> 00:35:41,439 >> Stephen: JOSEÉ, WHAT HAS MORE SALT, THE COVER OF THIS 662 00:35:41,506 --> 00:35:46,577 FISH OR THE OCEAN WE TOOK THE FISH OUT OF? 663 00:35:46,644 --> 00:35:50,248 >> THE COVER OF THE FISH -- >> Stephen: THIS DOESN'T MAKE 664 00:35:50,314 --> 00:35:51,883 THE FISH TOO SALTY? 665 00:35:51,949 --> 00:35:57,889 >> THIS IS GOOD FOR DIETS LOW ON SALT BECAUSE THE SALT IS IN THE 666 00:35:57,955 --> 00:35:58,623 OUTSIDE. 667 00:35:58,689 --> 00:35:59,690 >> Stephen: AM I DOING ALL RIGHT. 668 00:35:59,757 --> 00:36:02,994 >> NOW TO MAKE SURE THEY KNOW IT'S YOU, YOU PUT YOUR 669 00:36:03,060 --> 00:36:04,896 FINGERTIPS -- >> Stephen: SO THE COPS CAN 670 00:36:04,962 --> 00:36:06,764 TRACE WHOSE FISH IT IS? 671 00:36:06,831 --> 00:36:10,668 >> THE COPS CAN'T TAKE YOU TO JAIL IF THIS IS TOO DRY. 672 00:36:10,735 --> 00:36:22,046 >> Stephen: THAT IS A SCENE FROM C.S.I.ANDULUTHIA. 673 00:36:22,113 --> 00:36:22,647 >> (PRONOUNCING). 674 00:36:22,713 --> 00:36:24,849 >> Stephen: MY APOLOGIES. 675 00:36:24,916 --> 00:36:32,423 I NEED SOMETHING BECAUSE THIS IS GOING INTO THE OVEN SCHUM 676 00:36:32,490 --> 00:36:37,528 ( DRUM ROLL ) AND LIKE 30 MINUTES, 40 MINUTES! 677 00:36:37,595 --> 00:36:42,166 AND -- IT'S COMING OUT OF THE OVEN! 678 00:36:42,233 --> 00:36:45,503 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: WHY DOES MINE LOOK 679 00:36:45,570 --> 00:36:48,639 DIFFERENT THAN YOURS? 680 00:36:48,706 --> 00:36:50,408 >> BECAUSE YOURS IS BURNED! 681 00:36:50,474 --> 00:36:53,177 >> Stephen: AND WHAT DO WE DO. 682 00:36:53,244 --> 00:36:56,447 RIGHT NOW IN THIS MOMENT THE SALT IS HARD BECAUSE THE 683 00:36:56,514 --> 00:37:02,086 HUMIDITY HAS LEFT THE SALT AND THE FISH IS COOKED TO PERFECTION 684 00:37:02,153 --> 00:37:02,887 INSIDE. 685 00:37:02,954 --> 00:37:07,124 AND YOU -- >> Stephen: MINE IS NOT -- 686 00:37:07,191 --> 00:37:08,492 OH, MY GOD! 687 00:37:08,559 --> 00:37:09,327 WHAT HAPPENED THERE? 688 00:37:09,393 --> 00:37:13,531 OH, MY GOD! 689 00:37:13,598 --> 00:37:15,032 OH! 690 00:37:15,099 --> 00:37:15,399 OH! 691 00:37:15,466 --> 00:37:21,505 >> Jon: OH! 692 00:37:21,572 --> 00:37:22,807 OH! 693 00:37:22,873 --> 00:37:25,242 >> HE HAS SUPER POWERS! 694 00:37:25,309 --> 00:37:29,280 >> Stephen: NOW DO I WASH MY TURKEY? 695 00:37:29,347 --> 00:37:29,947 >> I'M QUICKER THAN YOU. 696 00:37:30,014 --> 00:37:34,452 I ALREADY GOT MY FISH CLEANED. 697 00:37:34,518 --> 00:37:37,555 AND THEN YOU TAKE THE SKIN OUT. 698 00:37:37,622 --> 00:37:41,525 THE FISH IS PERFECTLY COOKED INSIDE. 699 00:37:41,592 --> 00:37:43,761 THIS TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW. 700 00:37:43,828 --> 00:37:49,133 YOU SEE -- >> Stephen: THAT TASTES LIKE 701 00:37:49,200 --> 00:37:50,001 FISH. 702 00:37:50,067 --> 00:37:51,335 ( LAUGHTER ) >> AND THEN THIS IS AMAZING 703 00:37:51,402 --> 00:37:52,470 THING, YOU LIKE FISH? 704 00:37:52,536 --> 00:37:54,105 >> Stephen: YES. 705 00:37:54,171 --> 00:37:57,308 YOU MAKE THE FISH BAKED IN SALT. 706 00:37:57,375 --> 00:38:00,478 YOU LIKE TURKEY? 707 00:38:00,544 --> 00:38:02,713 YOU MAKE THE TURKEY BAKED IN SALT. 708 00:38:02,780 --> 00:38:06,217 THIS IS THE BEAUTY OF AMERICA, YOU BE WHO YOU WANT TO BE BUT 709 00:38:06,283 --> 00:38:11,756 ALWAYS RESPECTING AND LOVING EACH OTHER. 710 00:38:11,822 --> 00:38:13,190 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A 711 00:38:13,257 --> 00:38:13,958 QUICK BREAK. 712 00:38:14,025 --> 00:38:14,959 JOSEÉ, DON'T GO ANYWHERE. 713 00:38:15,026 --> 00:38:17,294 BACK WITH MORE CHEF JOSEÉ ANDRÉE EVERYBODY! 714 00:38:31,308 --> 00:38:32,643 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 715 00:38:32,710 --> 00:38:36,547 WE'RE BACK IN THE KITCHEN WITH CHEF JOSEÉ ANDREÉS. 716 00:38:36,614 --> 00:38:42,553 DO WE PUT ANY ON THE FISH? 717 00:38:42,620 --> 00:38:45,122 IS IT SUPPOSED TO BE DRESSED IN ANY WAY. 718 00:38:45,189 --> 00:38:48,659 >> NOW IT'S NAKED SO WE CAN DRESS IT AGAIN. 719 00:38:48,726 --> 00:38:52,163 >> Stephen: THE WORLD CENTRAL KITCHEN LAUNCHED THE CLIMATE 720 00:38:52,229 --> 00:38:53,130 DISASTER FUND. 721 00:38:53,197 --> 00:38:54,331 WHAT IS THAT? 722 00:38:54,398 --> 00:38:59,403 >> WELL, IT'S GOING TO BE SO MUCH NEED IN THE NEXT YEARS THAT 723 00:38:59,470 --> 00:39:03,207 WE ANNOUNCE A 1 BILLION CLIMATE FUND TO MAKE SURE THAT WE ARE 724 00:39:03,274 --> 00:39:06,143 ABLE TO BE NEXT TO EVERY AMERICAN PERSON OR ANY PERSON 725 00:39:06,210 --> 00:39:10,314 AROUND THE WORLD THAT IS GOING TO SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES OF 726 00:39:10,381 --> 00:39:11,682 CLIMATE CHANGE. 727 00:39:11,749 --> 00:39:13,451 >> Stephen: $1 BILLION. 728 00:39:13,517 --> 00:39:14,318 $1 BILLION. 729 00:39:14,385 --> 00:39:16,787 WE ALREADY HAVE 50 MILLION IN THE BANK. 730 00:39:16,854 --> 00:39:23,461 WE HAVE A GIFT OF 100 MILLION, WE'LL PUT EXTRA MONEY IN IT AND 731 00:39:23,527 --> 00:39:26,664 WE'LL GET MONEY FROM INDIVIDUALS AND CORPORATIONS TO MAKE SURE WE 732 00:39:26,731 --> 00:39:30,601 HAVE ENOUGH MONEY IN THE BANK TO TAKE CARE OF EVERY SINGLE PERSON 733 00:39:30,668 --> 00:39:34,171 THAT WILL SUFFER FROM CLIMATE CHANGE TO MAKE SURE NO PERSON 734 00:39:34,238 --> 00:39:37,475 AROUND THE WORLD WILL BE HUNGRY AFTER DISASTERS. 735 00:39:37,541 --> 00:39:39,343 YOU HAVE MY WORD. 736 00:39:39,410 --> 00:39:42,546 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: NOW, JOSEÉ, DID 737 00:39:42,613 --> 00:39:46,650 YOU -- IS THIS ENOUGH TO FEED EVERYBODY HERE? 738 00:39:46,717 --> 00:39:47,885 >> OKAY. 739 00:39:47,952 --> 00:39:51,822 I HEARD YOU SAYING THAT THAT WAS GOING TO FEED EVERYBODY BUT I 740 00:39:51,889 --> 00:39:52,356 DIDN'T PREPARE MYSELF. 741 00:39:52,423 --> 00:39:54,458 THIS IS THE ONE THING. 742 00:39:54,525 --> 00:39:57,394 I HAVE RESTAURANTS IN A FEW CITIES. 743 00:39:57,461 --> 00:39:58,596 >> Stephen: I KNOW. 744 00:39:58,662 --> 00:40:00,364 EVERYBODY HERE THEY BRING THE TICKET OF BEING HERE WITH YOU 745 00:40:00,431 --> 00:40:04,101 TODAY AT THE STEPHEN COLBERT SHOW, THEY CAN GO TO ANY OF MY 746 00:40:04,168 --> 00:40:07,171 RESTAURANTS AND BRING THEIR LOVED ONES AND THE ENTIRE MEAL 747 00:40:07,238 --> 00:40:09,206 IS ON YOU AND ME. 748 00:40:09,273 --> 00:40:09,774 HAPPY THANKSGIVING! 749 00:40:09,840 --> 00:40:14,178 >> Stephen: IT'S A DEAL! 750 00:40:14,245 --> 00:40:18,149 JOSEÉ ANDREÉS! 751 00:40:18,215 --> 00:40:20,217 TO LEARN MORE ABOUT WORLD CENTRAL KITCHEN GO TO WCK.ORG. 752 00:40:20,284 --> 00:40:23,554 CHEF JOSEÉ ANDREÉS, EVERYBODY GOODNIGHT THAT'S IT FOR THE LATE 753 00:40:23,621 --> 00:40:24,555 SHOW. 754 00:40:24,622 --> 00:40:26,690 TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUEST WILL BE LADY GAGA. 755 00:40:26,757 --> 00:40:28,159 JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT. 756 00:40:28,225 --> 00:40:28,793 GOODNIGHT.