1 00:00:01,301 --> 00:00:04,037 >> THE CITY WILL ANNOUNCE PLANS TO BRING BACK HUGE CROWDS TO 2 00:00:04,104 --> 00:00:06,072 TIMES SQUARE FOR THE NEW YEAR'S EVE CELEBRATION. 3 00:00:06,139 --> 00:00:08,575 LAST YEAR, ONLY ESSENTIAL WORKERS AND SPECIAL GUESTS WERE 4 00:00:08,641 --> 00:00:10,944 ABLE TO SEE THE BALL DROP IN PERSON BECAUSE OF PANDEMIC 5 00:00:11,010 --> 00:00:11,611 RESTRICTIONS. 6 00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:12,879 >> WE'RE TURNING THE CORNER. 7 00:00:12,946 --> 00:00:17,183 WE'VE GOT A LOT TO CELEBRATE, SO IT'S GOING TO BE A BIG MOMENT IN 8 00:00:17,250 --> 00:00:18,251 TIMES SQUARE ON NEW YEAR'S EVE. 9 00:00:18,318 --> 00:00:18,818 ( TO "AULD LANG SYNE" ) ( SCREAMING ) 10 00:00:57,223 --> 00:01:00,727 >> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT." 11 00:01:00,794 --> 00:01:06,733 TONIGHT: HIT THE ROAD, JOE. 12 00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:13,139 PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES: ERIC ADAMS 13 00:01:13,206 --> 00:01:19,679 AND DWAYNE WADE FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY 14 00:01:21,214 --> 00:01:25,185 HUMAN. 15 00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:29,222 AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK 16 00:01:29,289 --> 00:01:33,159 CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 17 00:01:34,294 --> 00:01:37,831 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 18 00:01:37,897 --> 00:01:39,065 >> Stephen: OH, YEAH. 19 00:01:39,132 --> 00:01:52,645 OH, YEAH. 20 00:01:52,712 --> 00:01:54,881 >> Stephen: I NEED THAT THIRD ONE. 21 00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:57,283 I NEED THAT THIRD ONE. 22 00:01:57,350 --> 00:02:00,720 GOT TO DO A LITTLE WORK RIGHT NOW. 23 00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:03,289 PLEASE HAVE A SEAT, EVERYBODY. 24 00:02:03,356 --> 00:02:04,157 THANK YOU, SO MUCH. 25 00:02:04,224 --> 00:02:06,059 THANK YOU, FRIENDS. 26 00:02:06,125 --> 00:02:07,460 WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW." 27 00:02:07,527 --> 00:02:08,528 I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. 28 00:02:08,595 --> 00:02:12,465 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 29 00:02:12,532 --> 00:02:16,202 OH, THERE IS-- JON, YOU CAN FEEL, THERE'S A CRISPNESS IN THE 30 00:02:16,269 --> 00:02:17,337 AIR, AND THAT MAGICAL SPARKLE THAT CAN ONLY MEAN ONE THING: 31 00:02:17,403 --> 00:02:19,873 IT'S INFRASTRUCTURE SEASON. 32 00:02:19,939 --> 00:02:24,644 ( LAUGHTER ) WILL SANTA BRING US THE STEEL 33 00:02:24,711 --> 00:02:28,248 I-BEAMS WE ASKED FOR FROM CHINA? 34 00:02:28,314 --> 00:02:30,383 IS THAT HIM ON THE ROOF? 35 00:02:30,450 --> 00:02:34,254 HE SHOULD WAIT UNTIL WE INSTALL THOSE STEEL I-BEAMS! 36 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:36,890 YESTERDAY, PRESIDENT BIDEN SIGNED HIS BIPARTISAN 37 00:02:36,956 --> 00:02:38,157 INFRASTRUCTURE BILL INTO LAW, AND TO TELL EVERYONE ABOUT IT, 38 00:02:38,224 --> 00:02:41,160 TODAY, HE KICKED OFF A ROAD SHOW TO SHOWCASE THE BENEFITS OF THE 39 00:02:41,227 --> 00:02:43,930 BILL. 40 00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:45,164 IT'S LIKE "THE ANTIQUES ROAD SHOW," IF THE ROAD WAS THE 41 00:02:45,231 --> 00:02:48,701 ANTIQUE. 42 00:02:48,768 --> 00:02:50,370 ( LAUGHTER ) BIDEN FIRST STOP-- 43 00:02:50,436 --> 00:02:52,572 INFRASTRUCTURE FAN. 44 00:02:52,639 --> 00:02:53,706 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 45 00:02:53,773 --> 00:02:54,674 BIDEN'S FIRST STOP WAS THIS AFTERNOON IN WOODSTOCK, NEW 46 00:02:54,741 --> 00:02:55,508 HAMPSHIRE. 47 00:02:55,575 --> 00:02:59,612 HERE HE IS TEASING HIS VISIT YESTERDAY: 48 00:02:59,679 --> 00:03:01,314 >> TOMORROW I'LL BE TRAVELING TO NEW HAMPSHIRE TO VISIT A BRIDGE 49 00:03:01,381 --> 00:03:03,683 THAT IS STRUCTURALLY NOT SAFE. 50 00:03:03,750 --> 00:03:05,184 >> Stephen: WAIT, WHAT? 51 00:03:05,251 --> 00:03:06,686 ( LAUGHTER ) THEN DON'T GO THERE! 52 00:03:06,753 --> 00:03:09,556 IS THIS A CRY FOR HELP? 53 00:03:09,622 --> 00:03:12,659 NJTSZ WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO OUT THERE? 54 00:03:12,725 --> 00:03:14,294 >> Stephen: INFRASTRUCTURE IS NOT THE ONLY THING BIDEN IS 55 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:17,163 TRYING TO PATCH UP. 56 00:03:17,230 --> 00:03:19,065 HE'S ALSO WORKING ON OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH CHINA, WHICH 57 00:03:19,132 --> 00:03:20,667 HAS BEEN A BIT ROCKY LATELY. 58 00:03:20,733 --> 00:03:24,704 THERE'S TENSION OVER TAIWAN, CHINA IS DOING TARGET PRACTICE 59 00:03:24,771 --> 00:03:30,677 ON MODELS OF OUR AIRCRAFT CARRIERS IN THE DESERT, AND THE 60 00:03:30,743 --> 00:03:32,211 FACT THAT THEY CREATE SO MUCH POLLUTION, YOU CAN WRITE THE 61 00:03:32,278 --> 00:03:33,346 WORDS "WASH ME" ON THEIR SKY. 62 00:03:33,413 --> 00:03:35,014 SO YESTERDAY, BIDEN HELD A SUMMIT WITH CHINESE PRESIDENT 63 00:03:35,081 --> 00:03:41,154 AND UNCLE AT THANKSGIVING LISTENING TO YOU DESCRIBE YOUR 64 00:03:41,220 --> 00:03:42,355 ART SCHOOL DEGREE, XI JINPING. 65 00:03:42,422 --> 00:03:45,158 BIDEN AND XI WANTED TO MEET IN PERSON, BUT DUE TO COVID, THEY 66 00:03:45,224 --> 00:03:50,330 HAD TO SETTLE FOR A VIRTUAL SUMMIT, WHICH LASTED THREE AND A 67 00:03:50,396 --> 00:03:51,197 HALF HOURS. 68 00:03:51,264 --> 00:03:52,365 AND THERE WAS SOME TENSION ON THE CALL. 69 00:03:52,432 --> 00:03:53,766 BIDEN RAISED CONCERNS ABOUT HUMAN RIGHTS ABUSES AND UNFAIR 70 00:03:53,833 --> 00:03:56,669 TRADE AND ECONOMIC POLICIES. 71 00:03:56,736 --> 00:04:00,673 AND XI COUNTERED BY SAYING THAT AMERICA RALLYING GLOBAL SUPPORT 72 00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:05,211 TO COUNTER CHINA WOULD "INEVITABLY BRING DISASTER TO 73 00:04:05,278 --> 00:04:09,182 THE WORLD." 74 00:04:09,248 --> 00:04:11,284 NOT GREAT. 75 00:04:11,351 --> 00:04:12,552 SEEMS LIKE THE OLD COUPLE COULD BE HEADING TOWARD A SEPARATION. 76 00:04:12,619 --> 00:04:13,753 "KIDS, YOUR FATHER AND I HAVE SOME DIFFERENCES. 77 00:04:13,820 --> 00:04:16,923 I WANT TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL AND START A CAREER, AND HE WILL 78 00:04:16,990 --> 00:04:21,160 INEVITABLY BRING DISASTER TO THE WORLD." 79 00:04:21,227 --> 00:04:26,633 ( LAUGHTER ) IN PANDEMIC NEWS, COVID CASES 80 00:04:26,699 --> 00:04:29,168 ARE STARTING TO CLIMB IN SOME AREAS OF THE U.S. 81 00:04:29,235 --> 00:04:30,737 STOP IT! 82 00:04:30,803 --> 00:04:34,974 STOP CLIMBING, CORONA. 83 00:04:35,041 --> 00:04:36,142 I'M GOING TO COUNT TO THREE. 84 00:04:36,209 --> 00:04:38,511 ONE, TWO... CORONA ELIZABETH VIRUS, YOU GET BACK DOWN HERE! 85 00:04:38,578 --> 00:04:42,749 RIGHT NOW, YOUNG LADY! 86 00:04:42,815 --> 00:04:45,151 NOW, IF YOU'VE GOTTEN THE JAB, YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY TOO 87 00:04:45,218 --> 00:04:48,087 MUCH, BECAUSE THIS RISE IN CASES IS MOSTLY HAPPENING AMONG 88 00:04:48,154 --> 00:04:49,322 UNVACCINATED PEOPLE, WITH SOME OF THE LARGEST INCREASES IN 89 00:04:49,389 --> 00:04:53,159 NEW HAMPSHIRE AND VERMONT. 90 00:04:53,226 --> 00:04:54,093 VERMONT? 91 00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:56,295 OKAY, IT'S TIME TO SEND BERNIE DOOR-TO-DOOR. 92 00:04:56,362 --> 00:04:58,164 ( LAUGHTER ) ( AS BERNIE SANDERS ) 93 00:04:58,231 --> 00:04:58,965 "KNOCK-KNOCK. 94 00:04:59,032 --> 00:05:00,733 THAT'S RIGHT, I'M SAYING KNOCK-KNOCK. 95 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:04,737 MY BONES ARE TOO FRAGILE TO TOUCH WOOD. 96 00:05:04,804 --> 00:05:08,341 IT'S ME, SENATOR SANDERS, HERE TO INOCULATE YOU. 97 00:05:08,408 --> 00:05:09,342 SHOW ME THAT SHOULDER-- BOOM. 98 00:05:09,409 --> 00:05:16,115 THAT'S A 90% REDUCTION IN SEVERE COVID SYMPTOMS. 99 00:05:16,182 --> 00:05:17,183 NOW INVITE ME. 100 00:05:17,250 --> 00:05:21,154 I SMELL SOUP. 101 00:05:21,220 --> 00:05:26,092 DON'T HIDE YOUR MUSHROOM-BARLEY FROM ME!" 102 00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:30,730 SO COVID WON'T GO AWAY, BUT THE PANDEMIC MIGHT. 103 00:05:30,797 --> 00:05:32,899 THE GLOBAL GOAL NOW IS TO REACH A POINT WHERE COVID IS MORE LIKE 104 00:05:32,965 --> 00:05:34,100 THE FLU. 105 00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:36,903 IT'S A SITUATION PUBLIC HEALTH EXPERTS CALL ENDEMICITY, WHICH 106 00:05:36,969 --> 00:05:39,539 IS THE POINT WHERE COVID BECOMES JUST ANOTHER DISEASE 107 00:05:39,605 --> 00:05:42,742 THAT PEOPLE CONTROL WITH VACCINES AND MEDICATION. 108 00:05:42,809 --> 00:05:48,748 SO, LOOKS LIKE WE'RE NEVER REALLY GETTING RID OF COVID. 109 00:05:48,815 --> 00:05:54,153 IT'S LIKE MEL GIBSON: ( LAUGHTER ) 110 00:05:54,220 --> 00:05:56,656 HE EBBS AND FLOWS, BUT BECAUSE OF A FEW IDIOTS OUT THERE, WE'RE 111 00:05:56,723 --> 00:05:58,357 STUCK WITH SOME FORM OF HIM FOREVER. 112 00:05:58,424 --> 00:05:59,726 BUT THE VACCINATED AMONG US DID GET SOME GOOD NEWS YESTERDAY 113 00:05:59,792 --> 00:06:04,697 FROM CHIEF MEDICAL ADVISOR TO THE PRESIDENT AND PROFESSOR OF 114 00:06:04,764 --> 00:06:05,732 ZADDY STUDIES, ANTHONY FAUCI. 115 00:06:05,798 --> 00:06:11,904 FAUCI WAS ASKED ABOUT THE UPCOMING HOLIDAYS IN AN 116 00:06:11,971 --> 00:06:13,172 INTERVIEW, AND HE HAD THIS TO SAY: 117 00:06:13,239 --> 00:06:17,176 >> IF YOU GET VACCINATED AND YOUR FAMILY IS VACCINATED, YOU 118 00:06:17,243 --> 00:06:20,079 CAN FEEL GOOD ABOUT ENJOYING A TYPICAL THANKSGIVING, CHRISTMAS 119 00:06:20,146 --> 00:06:21,247 WITH YOUR FAMILY AND CLOSE FRIENDS. 120 00:06:21,314 --> 00:06:29,989 >> Stephen: YES, A TYPICAL THANKSGIVING: EVERYONE GATHERED 121 00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:33,159 AT THE TABLE AND YOU HOPING THEY CAN'T TELL YOU JUST SMOKED A 122 00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:36,162 HUGE JOINT WITH YOUR COUSIN LUKE IN THE GARAGE. 123 00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:37,830 ( WHISPERING ) EVERYBODY KNOWS. 124 00:06:37,897 --> 00:06:40,299 THEY ALL KNOW. 125 00:06:40,366 --> 00:06:41,734 IT LOOKS LIKE AMERICANS ARE PLANNING TO HOLIDAY RESPONSIBLY, 126 00:06:41,801 --> 00:06:46,839 BECAUSE ACCORDING TO A NEW POLL, 72% OF RESPONDENTS SAID THEY 127 00:06:46,906 --> 00:06:51,010 PLAN TO LIMIT THEIR CELEBRATION TO MEMBERS OF THEIR HOUSEHOLD, 128 00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:54,747 AND 51% SAID THEY WILL REQUEST THAT GUESTS WEAR MASKS. 129 00:06:54,814 --> 00:06:58,818 THAT'S GONNA BE COMPLICATED WEARING A MASK, SINCE YOU'RE 130 00:06:58,885 --> 00:07:01,120 GATHERING FOR A MEAL. 131 00:07:01,187 --> 00:07:05,224 SO IT'S A PERFECT TIME TO TRY OUT STEPHEN COLBERT'S PATENT- 132 00:07:05,291 --> 00:07:06,759 PENDING THANKSGIVING FEED BAGS. 133 00:07:06,826 --> 00:07:12,732 ( LAUGHTER ) YES, WHEN YOU'RE DONE, SLIP IT 134 00:07:12,799 --> 00:07:17,170 OVER YOUR HEAD, CINCH IT TIGHT, TAKE A NAP. 135 00:07:17,236 --> 00:07:19,138 ( LAUGHTER ) SPEAKING OF PLAGUES THAT WON'T 136 00:07:19,205 --> 00:07:21,374 GO AWAY, FORMER PRESIDENT, THE VANITY MANATEE. 137 00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:22,108 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 138 00:07:22,175 --> 00:07:27,013 WE'RE STILL-- ( APPLAUSE ) 139 00:07:27,079 --> 00:07:27,880 RIHOT OF FANS. 140 00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:30,750 A LOT MORE FANS HERE THAN I WOULD THINK. 141 00:07:30,817 --> 00:07:36,756 WE'RE STILL LEARNING THE DETAILS OF HIS JANUARY 6 ATTEMPTED COUP, 142 00:07:36,823 --> 00:07:38,858 THANKS TO JONATHAN KARL'S TELL-ALL "BETRAYAL," WHICH HIT 143 00:07:38,925 --> 00:07:40,259 BOOKSTORES TODAY. 144 00:07:40,326 --> 00:07:42,762 ACCORDING TO KARL, THE EX-PRESIDENT WAS INTERESTED IN 145 00:07:42,829 --> 00:07:46,199 STAGING A CLASSIC COUP, BECAUSE HIS ALLIES PRESSED THE DEFENSE 146 00:07:46,265 --> 00:07:51,003 DEPARTMENT TO HELP OVERTURN THE ELECTION. 147 00:07:51,070 --> 00:07:54,740 AND SOME OF THESE EFFORTS WERE WHAT MILITARY HISTORIANS CALL 148 00:07:54,807 --> 00:07:57,677 "COO-COO BANANA CAKES," LIKE THE ONE PUT FORWARD BY CONSPIRACY 149 00:07:57,743 --> 00:08:00,746 LAWYER SYDNEY POWELL, SEEN HERE BROWSING THE WILDLIFE REFUGE FOR 150 00:08:00,813 --> 00:08:04,050 A FUTURE BLOUSE. 151 00:08:04,116 --> 00:08:06,752 ( LAUGHTER ) AFTER THE ELECTION, POWELL 152 00:08:06,819 --> 00:08:11,524 CONTACTED A PENTAGON OFFICIAL TO PUSH THE CLAIM THAT THE C.I.A. 153 00:08:11,591 --> 00:08:14,594 DIRECTOR HAD BEEN HURT AND TAKEN INTO CUSTODY IN GERMANY WHILE ON 154 00:08:14,660 --> 00:08:17,163 A SECRET MISSION TO DESTROY EVIDENCE OF VOTER FRAUD ON A 155 00:08:17,230 --> 00:08:20,533 COMPUTER SERVER THAT BELONGED TO A COMPANY NAMED SCYTL. 156 00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:24,403 WHERE DID POWELL GET THIS URGENT NEWS? 157 00:08:24,470 --> 00:08:28,808 FROM A FALSE CONSPIRACY THEORY THAT HAD BEEN GAINING STEAM 158 00:08:28,875 --> 00:08:29,742 AMONG QANON FOLLOWERS. 159 00:08:29,809 --> 00:08:33,179 OH, YEAH, THAT THEORY IS DEFINITELY STEAMING. 160 00:08:33,246 --> 00:08:35,748 ( LAUGHTER ) POWELL WASN'T THE ONLY 161 00:08:35,815 --> 00:08:38,684 HIGH-RANKING MAGA NUTBALL THE PENTAGON WAS DEALING WITH. 162 00:08:38,751 --> 00:08:41,787 THE SAME OFFICIAL ALSO GOT A CALL FROM PARDONED CRIMINAL AND 163 00:08:41,854 --> 00:08:45,157 OWL WITH HEMORRHOIDS, GENERAL MICHAEL FLYNN. 164 00:08:45,224 --> 00:08:51,097 ( LAUGHTER ) FLYNN, EVIDENTALLY, TOLD THE 165 00:08:51,163 --> 00:08:54,734 DEFENSE OFFICIAL THAT IT WAS TIME FOR THE MILITARY TO STOP 166 00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:57,169 BIDEN FROM TAKING OFFICE, SAYING, "HE NEEDED TO GET ORDERS 167 00:08:57,236 --> 00:09:05,211 SIGNED, THAT BALLOTS NEEDED TO BE SEIZED, AND THAT 168 00:09:05,278 --> 00:09:08,080 EXTRAORDINARY MEASURES NEEDED TO BE TAKEN TO STOP DEMOCRATS." 169 00:09:08,147 --> 00:09:09,515 REMEMBER, THIS WAS A FORMER GENERAL MAKING A CALL TO THE 170 00:09:09,582 --> 00:09:11,317 MILITARY DEMANDING THEY SUPPORT A FASCIST COUP. 171 00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:11,851 WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM? 172 00:09:11,918 --> 00:09:12,752 IT'S 2021. 173 00:09:12,818 --> 00:09:15,755 JUST TEXT! 174 00:09:15,821 --> 00:09:18,758 ( LAUGHTER ) THERE HAS BEEN SOME FALLOUT FOR 175 00:09:18,824 --> 00:09:21,127 JANUARY 6 SO FAR. 176 00:09:21,193 --> 00:09:24,730 TAKE WYOMING REPRESENTATIVE AND COWORKER WHO DOESN'T KNOW WHAT 177 00:09:24,797 --> 00:09:30,703 HAPPENED TO YOUR PEANUT BUTTER CUPS, LIZ CHENEY. 178 00:09:30,770 --> 00:09:33,406 CHENEY HAS SOMEHOW FOUND THE COURAGE TO SAY THAT A FASCIST 179 00:09:33,472 --> 00:09:34,573 COUP IS BAD. 180 00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:36,909 SO THIS WEEKEND, THE WYOMING REPUBLICAN PARTY VOTED TO STOP 181 00:09:36,976 --> 00:09:41,380 RECOGNIZING REPRESENTATIVE LIZ CHENEY AS A MEMBER OF THE G.O.P. 182 00:09:41,447 --> 00:09:45,151 YOU CAN'T KICK A CHENEY OUT OF THE G.O.P.! 183 00:09:45,217 --> 00:09:49,088 THAT'S LIKE KICKING PINOT GRIGIO OUT OF "THE REAL HOUSEWIVES." 184 00:09:49,155 --> 00:09:54,760 ( LAUGHTER ) OH, SPEAKING OF PLACES WHERE 185 00:09:54,827 --> 00:09:56,395 THEY HAVE ELECTIONS, CANADA. 186 00:09:56,462 --> 00:09:58,030 ( APPLAUSE ) THEY ALSO HAVE A SUPREME COURT. 187 00:09:58,097 --> 00:10:00,733 IT'S SO CUTE: THEY THINK THEY'RE A COUNTRY. 188 00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:03,202 ( LAUGHTER ) DON'T TELL THEM. 189 00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:05,204 THEY GOT LITTLE COINS WITH ANIMALS ON THEM. 190 00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:06,305 IT'S REALLY SWEET. 191 00:10:06,372 --> 00:10:09,175 IT MAKES THEM HAPPY. 192 00:10:09,241 --> 00:10:12,745 TODAY, THEIR TOP COURT RELEASED THEIR OFFICIAL PHOTO, AND HOLY 193 00:10:12,812 --> 00:10:17,083 KRISTOPHER KRINGLE! 194 00:10:17,149 --> 00:10:18,751 THE CANADIAN SUPREME COURT IS NINE SANTAS! 195 00:10:18,818 --> 00:10:19,785 WHAT'S THEIR DOCKET LIKE? 196 00:10:19,852 --> 00:10:22,488 "IN THE CASE OF 'BECKY PETERSON V. BABY BROTHER'S 197 00:10:22,555 --> 00:10:25,791 SAFETY-SCISSORS HAIRCUT,' THE MAJORITY FINDS 'NOT NAUGHTY.'" 198 00:10:25,858 --> 00:10:36,669 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 199 00:10:36,736 --> 00:10:40,806 SPEAKING OF THE HOLIDAYS, HERE'S SOMETHING: ON THANKSGIVING DAY, 200 00:10:40,873 --> 00:10:43,342 THE FIRST ASIAN AMERICAN MUPPET ARRIVES ON "SESAME STREET." 201 00:10:43,409 --> 00:10:48,748 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THAT'S NICE. 202 00:10:48,814 --> 00:10:52,551 THE NEW ARRIVAL IS JI-YOUNG, A KOREAN-AMERICAN 7-YEAR-OLD WHO 203 00:10:52,618 --> 00:10:57,156 LOVES PLAYING HER ELECTRIC GUITAR AND SKATEBOARDING. 204 00:10:57,223 --> 00:10:59,825 SHE IS THE COOLEST MUPPET SINCE THAT ONE EPISODE WHERE COOKIE 205 00:10:59,892 --> 00:11:00,760 MONSTER SMOKED WEED. 206 00:11:00,826 --> 00:11:06,298 IT WAS THE '70s. 207 00:11:06,365 --> 00:11:08,701 WHY DO YOU THINK HE EATS SO MANY COOKIES?! 208 00:11:08,768 --> 00:11:10,936 BUT IT'S NOT JUST GUITARS AND SKATEBOARDING. 209 00:11:11,003 --> 00:11:13,339 JI-YOUNG WILL ALSO PLAY A ROLE IN COUNTERING ANTI-ASIAN BIAS 210 00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:16,842 AND HARASSMENT AT A TIME OF HEIGHTENED AWARENESS AROUND THE 211 00:11:16,909 --> 00:11:18,077 ISSUE. 212 00:11:18,144 --> 00:11:21,180 THAT'S GREAT, BUT IS IT JUST ME, OR ARE WE GIVING SOME MUPPETS 213 00:11:21,247 --> 00:11:24,750 MORE RESPONSIBILITY THAN OTHERS? 214 00:11:24,817 --> 00:11:29,155 ( LAUGHTER ) "OKAY, FOLKS, BRING IT IN HERE. 215 00:11:29,221 --> 00:11:30,756 I GOT YOUR ASSIGNMENTS. 216 00:11:30,823 --> 00:11:35,995 YOU BE ANGRY IN A TRASHCAN, YOU COUNT EVERYTHING YOU SEE, 217 00:11:36,062 --> 00:11:36,796 AND YOU SOLVE SYSTEMIC RACISM." 218 00:11:36,862 --> 00:11:38,197 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 219 00:11:38,264 --> 00:11:41,167 WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT! 220 00:11:41,233 --> 00:11:45,471 MY GUESTS ARE NEW YORK CITY MAYOR-ELECT ERIC ADAMS AND 221 00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:48,741 N.B.A. CHAMPION DWYANE WADE. 222 00:11:48,808 --> 00:11:50,276 BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, "MEANWHILE!" 223 00:11:50,342 --> 00:11:50,943 JOIN US. 224 00:12:18,104 --> 00:12:19,405 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY, WELCOME BACK, 225 00:12:19,472 --> 00:12:20,606 EVERYBODY! 226 00:12:20,673 --> 00:12:25,811 GIVE IT UP FOR JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN. 227 00:12:25,878 --> 00:12:32,618 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 228 00:12:32,685 --> 00:12:33,586 WHO WE GOT TONIGHT? 229 00:12:33,652 --> 00:12:35,788 WHO AM I TALKING TO TONIGHT? 230 00:12:35,855 --> 00:12:38,824 I'M-- JON, JON, YOU KNOW WHO I'M TALKING TO TONIGHT? 231 00:12:38,891 --> 00:12:41,494 THE SOON-TO-BE HONORABLE ERIC ADAMS. 232 00:12:41,560 --> 00:12:42,428 >> Jon: YES. 233 00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:45,064 >> Stephen: THE MAYOR-ELECT OF NEW YORK CITY. 234 00:12:45,131 --> 00:12:45,831 GREATEST CITY IN THE WORLD. 235 00:12:45,898 --> 00:12:47,399 >> Jon: YES, INDEED. 236 00:12:47,466 --> 00:12:51,370 >> Stephen: AND DWAYNE WADE IS HERE TONIGHT. 237 00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:51,937 N.B.A. CHAMPION. 238 00:12:52,004 --> 00:12:53,305 THREE TIME N.B.A. CHAMP. 239 00:12:53,372 --> 00:12:55,407 >> Stephen: YOU KNOW WHAT I DID ONCE? 240 00:12:55,474 --> 00:12:58,277 YOU SAW HOW I SMOKED OBAMA IN THE BASKETBALL-- I WANT TO 241 00:12:58,344 --> 00:12:59,178 CHALLENGE HIM. 242 00:12:59,245 --> 00:13:05,484 I WANT TO CHALLENGE DWAYNE WADE TO IT NOW? 243 00:13:05,551 --> 00:13:06,785 PLACE YOUR BETS. 244 00:13:06,852 --> 00:13:08,053 >> Jon: PUTTING THE CHAMPIONSHIP ON THE LINE. 245 00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:12,525 >> Stephen: I JUST WANT TO SAY, I BEAT OBAMA, I BEAT-- I 246 00:13:12,591 --> 00:13:14,927 BEAT STEF CURRY-- OR TIED STEF CURRY. 247 00:13:14,994 --> 00:13:17,263 I BEAT DR. J. 248 00:13:17,329 --> 00:13:19,932 AND I BEAT ALLEN IVERSON. 249 00:13:19,999 --> 00:13:22,468 >> Jon: YOU'RE GOING TO PUT YOUR TITLE ON THE LINE. 250 00:13:22,535 --> 00:13:26,505 >> Stephen: EVERY NIGHT I PUT THE TITLE ON THE LINE, MY 251 00:13:26,572 --> 00:13:26,972 FRIEND. 252 00:13:27,039 --> 00:13:27,706 >> Jon: LET'S GO. 253 00:13:27,773 --> 00:13:28,908 >> Stephen: WHAT'S NEW? 254 00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:32,478 I WANT TO ASK YOU SOMETHING, WE WERE TALKING ABOUT THE ASIAN 255 00:13:32,545 --> 00:13:35,814 AMERICAN MUPPET JOINING THE CAST OF SESAME STREET." 256 00:13:35,881 --> 00:13:39,885 I FOUND OUT SOMEBODY ELSE IS JOINING THE CAST OF "SESAME 257 00:13:39,952 --> 00:13:40,819 STREET." 258 00:13:40,886 --> 00:13:43,255 WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON "SESAME STREET," JON. 259 00:13:43,322 --> 00:13:48,093 >> Jon: I'M GOING OVER TO "SESAME STREET" AND SINGING SOME 260 00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:50,095 SONGS ♪ CAN YOU TELL ME HOW TO GET ♪ 261 00:13:50,162 --> 00:13:51,564 >> Stephen: THAT'S A MILESTONE. 262 00:13:51,630 --> 00:13:52,231 >> Jon: I KNOW. 263 00:13:52,298 --> 00:13:54,066 I'M REALLY SO GRATEFUL. 264 00:13:54,133 --> 00:13:57,136 I WATCHED IT SINCE I WAS A KID AND ALWAYS DREAMED OF BEING 265 00:13:57,203 --> 00:13:58,304 THERE. 266 00:13:58,370 --> 00:14:00,039 YOU GO THERE AND IT'S SO MUCH LIKE WHAT YOU REMEMBERED IN 267 00:14:00,105 --> 00:14:00,806 PERSON. 268 00:14:00,873 --> 00:14:01,674 IT'S JUST SO EMOTIONAL TO BE THERE. 269 00:14:01,740 --> 00:14:03,576 >> Stephen: SO YOU'VE BEEN THERE. 270 00:14:03,642 --> 00:14:04,243 >> Jon: YES. 271 00:14:04,310 --> 00:14:05,211 >> Stephen: YOU'VE BEEN THERE. 272 00:14:05,277 --> 00:14:08,180 AT THIS POINT, YOU CAN TELL ME TO YOU HOGET... 273 00:14:08,247 --> 00:14:09,081 >> Jon: YES. 274 00:14:09,148 --> 00:14:14,587 >> Stephen: HOW TO GET TO "SESAME STREET." 275 00:14:14,653 --> 00:14:15,754 ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Jon: WE CAN'T PLAY THE REST 276 00:14:15,821 --> 00:14:16,889 OF IT. 277 00:14:16,956 --> 00:14:19,925 >> Stephen: NO, WE CAN'T, BECAUSE THEY HAVE-- THEY HAVE 278 00:14:19,992 --> 00:14:20,893 MUPPET LAWYERS, TOO. 279 00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:22,094 >> Jon: THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S RIGHT. 280 00:14:22,161 --> 00:14:23,095 BUT YOU KNOW THE REST. 281 00:14:23,162 --> 00:14:25,831 >> Stephen: THEY DON'T MESS AROUND. 282 00:14:25,898 --> 00:14:30,369 FOLKS, I SPEND A LOT OF TIME RIGHT OVER THERE, CAREFULLY 283 00:14:30,436 --> 00:14:32,705 SELECTING THE DAY'S NEWSIEST, MOST AERODYNAMIC HEADLINES, 284 00:14:32,771 --> 00:14:35,407 STRESS TESTING THE MOST TOPICAL ANTILOCK BREAKS AND POWER 285 00:14:35,474 --> 00:14:41,180 STEERING, PAINSTAKINGLY STITCHING LEATHER SEATING SO 286 00:14:41,247 --> 00:14:43,682 SOFT, IT WOULD MAKE J.D. POWER AND HER ASSOCIATES BLUSH, TO 287 00:14:43,749 --> 00:14:45,818 CREATE THE LUXURY SEDAN THAT IS MY NIGHTLY MONOLOGUE. 288 00:14:45,884 --> 00:14:51,490 BUT SOMETIMES, JUST SOMETIMES, FOLKS, I LURCH TO CONSCIOUSNESS 289 00:14:51,557 --> 00:14:53,626 IN THE BACK OF AN ABANDONED SCHOOL BUS AND SLAP MYSELF AWAKE 290 00:14:53,692 --> 00:14:57,630 WITH A CRUSTY FLOOR MAT BEFORE USING A MOUSE-BITTEN TIMING BELT 291 00:14:57,696 --> 00:14:59,431 TO STRAP SOME OLD PLYWOOD TO A COUPLE OF DISCARDED OIL DRUMS. 292 00:14:59,498 --> 00:15:03,602 THEN, BY THE LIGHT OF A HEATHEN MOON, RENDER A GAS TANK OUT OF 293 00:15:03,669 --> 00:15:05,571 AN EMPTY BIG GULP, FILL IT WITH WHITE CLAW AND DENATURED 294 00:15:05,638 --> 00:15:09,975 ALCOHOL, THEN LIGHT A MATCH AND LET 'ER RIP, IN THE DEMENTED 295 00:15:10,042 --> 00:15:13,812 ONE-MAN SOAP BOX DERBY OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT: 296 00:15:13,879 --> 00:15:17,416 >> MEANWHILE! 297 00:15:17,483 --> 00:15:22,755 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: BLACK ICE! 298 00:15:22,821 --> 00:15:23,422 THIS WILL SOOTHE YOU. 299 00:15:23,489 --> 00:15:29,428 THIS WILL FIX EVERYTHING. 300 00:15:29,495 --> 00:15:35,434 MEANWHILE, IN THE U.K., POLICE FOUND 900 POUNDS OF COCAINE IN A 301 00:15:35,501 --> 00:15:36,935 SHIPMENT OF ONION RINGS. 302 00:15:37,002 --> 00:15:40,306 SO ARE YOU TELLING ME THEY TOOK A HIGHLY ADDICTIVE SUBSTANCE AND 303 00:15:40,372 --> 00:15:45,277 USED IT TO SMUGGLE COCAINE? 304 00:15:45,344 --> 00:15:47,446 ( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, "A SMALL BUT GROWING 305 00:15:47,513 --> 00:15:51,383 NUMBER OF CHURCHES ACROSS AMERICA ARE ACCEPTING ONLINE 306 00:15:51,450 --> 00:15:53,085 DONATIONS IN CRYPTOCURRENCIES." 307 00:15:53,152 --> 00:15:54,086 WOW. 308 00:15:54,153 --> 00:15:55,387 THEY ARE REALLY DESPERATE TO APPEAL TO THE YOUTH. 309 00:15:55,454 --> 00:15:57,623 ( AS YOUTH PASTOR ) "HEY KIDS, HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT 310 00:15:57,690 --> 00:16:00,793 THE COOLEST CRYPTOCURRENCY OF ALL? 311 00:16:00,859 --> 00:16:03,996 IT'S CALLED SALVATION, AND YOU'RE GONNA WANT TO GET IN ON 312 00:16:04,063 --> 00:16:07,900 THE GROUND FLOOR, DOG." 313 00:16:07,966 --> 00:16:09,735 MEANWHILE, WITH A ONCE-IN-A-CENTURY GLOBAL 314 00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:12,171 PANDEMIC AND FAILED CLIMATE TALKS IN THE NEWS, IT'S EASY TO 315 00:16:12,237 --> 00:16:13,839 FEEL LIKE IT'S THE END TIMES. 316 00:16:13,906 --> 00:16:17,443 SO I JUST WANT TO TAKE A SECOND TO REASSURE EVERYONE THAT "A 317 00:16:17,509 --> 00:16:21,814 PLAGUE OF SCORPIONS HAS RAINED ON EGYPT." 318 00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:23,716 SOUNDS AWFUL-- ALSO, PRETTY EXCITING DAY FOR THE GUY WHO 319 00:16:23,782 --> 00:16:25,818 DOES WEATHER ON THE 1'S. 320 00:16:25,884 --> 00:16:31,457 ( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, WE HERE AT MEANWHILE 321 00:16:31,523 --> 00:16:34,293 GLOBAL ARMS MANUFACTURING AND ILLEGAL CHEMICAL DISPOSAL 322 00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:36,729 SOMETIMES COME ACROSS SO MANY PEE-RELATED STORIES, THAT THEY 323 00:16:36,795 --> 00:16:41,433 TRICKLE INTO OUR MEANWHILE SUB-SEGMENT: 324 00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:43,902 "UREEN-WHILE." 325 00:16:43,969 --> 00:16:49,842 UREEN-WHILE, THE "WELCOME TO ROCKVILLE" MUSIC FESTIVAL WAS IN 326 00:16:49,908 --> 00:16:53,145 DAYTONA BEACH LAST WEEKEND, AND DRING A SET FROM A BAND CALLED 327 00:16:53,212 --> 00:16:57,816 "BRASS AGAINST," SINGER SOPHIA URISTA PULLED DOWN HER PANTS 328 00:16:57,883 --> 00:16:59,017 AND PEED ON A FAN. 329 00:16:59,084 --> 00:17:00,219 IN OTHER WORDS, THE LEAST-GROSS STORY TO COME OUT OF DAYTONA 330 00:17:00,285 --> 00:17:05,424 BEACH. 331 00:17:05,491 --> 00:17:09,061 UREEN-WHILE, IN A NEW INTERVIEW, DWAYNE "THE ROCK" JOHNSON 332 00:17:09,128 --> 00:17:11,430 REVEALED WHY HE PEES IN WATER BOTTLES DURING WORKOUTS. 333 00:17:11,497 --> 00:17:18,003 IT'S ALL IN PREPARATION FOR HIS UPCOMING ROLE IN "JUMANJI 3: 334 00:17:18,070 --> 00:17:20,105 AMAZON EMPLOYEE." 335 00:17:20,172 --> 00:17:21,774 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 336 00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:28,981 BECAUSE THEY DON'T-- THEY DON'T GET BATHROOM BREAKS. 337 00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:31,116 ALSO, DWAYNE, IF YOU'RE PEEING IN BOTTLES, I DON'T THINK ANYONE 338 00:17:31,183 --> 00:17:33,886 IN THE GYM IS FOCUSED ON THE "WHY," SO MUCH AS THE "WHAT THE 339 00:17:33,952 --> 00:17:37,589 HELL?" BUT HE INSISTED ON EXPLAINING, 340 00:17:37,656 --> 00:17:41,393 "I DO PEE IN MY WATER BOTTLES, BUT LET ME GIVE CONTEXT TO THAT. 341 00:17:41,460 --> 00:17:43,962 NO. 342 00:17:44,029 --> 00:17:45,831 ( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE-- 343 00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:56,942 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) MEANWHILE, DOMINO'S PIZZA 344 00:17:57,009 --> 00:18:01,847 C.E.O., DON MEIJ, BOUGHT A $20.9 MILLION "SMART" BEL AIR MANSION, 345 00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:07,119 WITH EIGHT BEDROOMS AND 15 BATHROOMS. 346 00:18:07,186 --> 00:18:13,625 NOW, THAT SOUNDS LIKE AN EXTREME BATHROOM-TO-BEDROOM RATIO, BUT 347 00:18:13,692 --> 00:18:14,993 YOU EVENTUALLY NEED ALL OF THEM IF YOU EAT ENOUGH DOMINO'S. 348 00:18:15,060 --> 00:18:15,794 "FORGET THE PLUNGER! 349 00:18:15,861 --> 00:18:16,895 THIS BATHROOM'S TOTALED! 350 00:18:16,962 --> 00:18:19,164 JUST BRICK OVER THE DOOR AND NEVER SPEAK OF IT AGAIN." 351 00:18:19,231 --> 00:18:29,708 ( APPLAUSE ) MEANWHILE, A NEW COMPANY IN 352 00:18:29,775 --> 00:18:33,846 LAS VEGAS CHARTERS JETS TO NOWHERE FOR HORNY MILE-HIGH 353 00:18:33,912 --> 00:18:35,414 CLUBBERS. 354 00:18:35,481 --> 00:18:37,983 AND YOU FELT BAD FOR SOUTHWEST FLIGHT ATTENDANTS. 355 00:18:38,050 --> 00:18:40,786 ( LAUGHTER ) THE SEAT BACKS AND TRAY TABLES 356 00:18:40,853 --> 00:18:45,791 AREN'T THE ONLY THING IN THE UPRIGHT POSITION. 357 00:18:45,858 --> 00:18:49,061 THE COMPANY IS CALLED "LOVE CLOUD VEGAS," AND FOR JUST $995, 358 00:18:49,127 --> 00:18:53,065 COUPLES CAN CHARTER A JET FOR 45 MINUTES. 359 00:18:53,131 --> 00:18:56,869 THAT'S RIGHT, FOR $1,000, YOU CAN EXPERIENCE SEX ON A PRIVATE 360 00:18:56,935 --> 00:18:58,103 JET, THEN AWKWARDLY STARE OUT THE WINDOW FOR THE NEXT 43 AND A 361 00:18:58,170 --> 00:18:59,771 HALF MINUTES. 362 00:18:59,838 --> 00:19:02,374 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 363 00:19:02,441 --> 00:19:04,142 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH NEW YORK CITY MAYOR-ELECT ERIC 364 00:19:04,209 --> 00:19:04,943 ADAMS. 365 00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:28,800 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY! 366 00:19:28,867 --> 00:19:31,303 WELCOME BACK! 367 00:19:31,370 --> 00:19:37,476 HERE'S MUD IN YOUR EYE. 368 00:19:37,543 --> 00:19:39,444 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS THE NEW 369 00:19:39,511 --> 00:19:41,914 MAYOR-ELECT OF NEW YORK CITY. 370 00:19:41,980 --> 00:19:42,581 PLEASE WELCOME ERIC ADAMS! 371 00:19:42,648 --> 00:19:52,624 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 372 00:19:52,691 --> 00:20:00,899 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 373 00:20:00,966 --> 00:20:02,601 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE. 374 00:20:02,668 --> 00:20:03,802 >> THANK YOU, THANK YOU. 375 00:20:03,869 --> 00:20:06,438 >> Stephen: I HOPE WE HAVE A LONG AND CONTINUED RELATIONSHIP 376 00:20:06,505 --> 00:20:11,343 AS A NEW YORKER MYSELF, I WANT TO BE ON GOOD TERMS. 377 00:20:11,410 --> 00:20:14,212 WITH THE GUY WHO IS GOING TO BE RUNNING THE JOINT. 378 00:20:14,279 --> 00:20:14,780 CONGRATULATIONS. 379 00:20:14,846 --> 00:20:15,514 >> THANK YOU, THANK YOU. 380 00:20:15,581 --> 00:20:17,916 >> Stephen: ON BEING MAYOR-ELECT. 381 00:20:17,983 --> 00:20:22,354 ( APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪ 382 00:20:22,421 --> 00:20:25,023 >> Stephen: DID YOU ALWAYS WANT TO BE MAYOR OF NEW YORK? 383 00:20:25,090 --> 00:20:27,926 AT ONE POINT DID YOU SAY TO YOURSELF, "I WANT TO BE MAYOR OF 384 00:20:27,993 --> 00:20:30,462 NEW YORK?" >> AN AMAZING NARRATIVE AND 385 00:20:30,529 --> 00:20:34,700 JOURNEY THAT IT HAPPENED, YOU KNOW, MANY YEARS AGO. 386 00:20:34,766 --> 00:20:38,437 YOU KNOW, I WENT THROUGH A TERRIBLE PERIOD WITH POLICING. 387 00:20:38,503 --> 00:20:41,073 I WAS ABUSED AS A CHILD. 388 00:20:41,139 --> 00:20:43,141 POLICE OFFICERS ASSAULTED MY BROTHER AND I. 389 00:20:43,208 --> 00:20:47,145 AND THEN LATER, I JOINED THE POLICE DEPARTMENT FROM CIVIL 390 00:20:47,212 --> 00:20:49,214 RIGHTS ACTIVISTS ASKED ME TO JOIN. 391 00:20:49,281 --> 00:20:53,986 AND I SAW THE DISFUNCTIONALITY OF OUR AGENCIES, AND I SAID WE 392 00:20:54,052 --> 00:20:56,054 CAN RUN A BETTER CITY. 393 00:20:56,121 --> 00:20:59,891 24 YEARS AGO, NOW 25 YEARS AGO, I SPOKE TO THE DEPUTY MAYOR BILL 394 00:20:59,958 --> 00:21:02,194 LYNCH, AND I SAID, "I WANT TO BE MAYOR." 395 00:21:02,260 --> 00:21:05,864 HE SAID, THIS IS WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO, AND I'M HERE. 396 00:21:05,931 --> 00:21:07,199 ( APPLAUSE ). 397 00:21:07,265 --> 00:21:13,005 >> Stephen: WHEN YOU WON, YOU WENT OUT-- YOU WERE FOUND 398 00:21:13,071 --> 00:21:17,142 CLUBBING AT A CLUB CALLED ZERO BOND, AND PEOPLE WERE A LITTLE 399 00:21:17,209 --> 00:21:20,178 SURPRISED TO SEE THE MAYOR-ELECT OUT CLUBBING. 400 00:21:20,245 --> 00:21:22,914 WERE YOU SURPRISED THAT THEY WERE SURPRISED? 401 00:21:22,981 --> 00:21:25,183 >> FIRST OF ALL, -- >> Stephen: YOU ENJOY THE CLUB 402 00:21:25,250 --> 00:21:25,751 SCENE. 403 00:21:25,817 --> 00:21:27,519 >> THEY WERE INACCURATE. 404 00:21:27,586 --> 00:21:29,087 THEY ARE INACCURATE. 405 00:21:29,154 --> 00:21:33,925 I WENT TO ZERO BONDS, I WENT TO BROOKLYN SUGAR HILL. 406 00:21:33,992 --> 00:21:35,227 THEY SAID ONLY ONE PLACE. 407 00:21:35,293 --> 00:21:36,728 DON'T TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME. 408 00:21:36,795 --> 00:21:37,696 I AM THE MAYOR. 409 00:21:37,763 --> 00:21:39,197 THIS IS A CITY OF NIGHT LIFE. 410 00:21:39,264 --> 00:21:40,365 I MUST TEST THE PRODUCT. 411 00:21:40,432 --> 00:21:45,003 I HAVE TO BE OUT SHOWING-- I WANT NEW YORKERS TO COME BACK. 412 00:21:45,070 --> 00:21:47,906 WE USED TO BE THE COOLEST PLACE ON THE GLOBE. 413 00:21:47,973 --> 00:21:49,508 WE'RE SO DAMN BORING NOW, MAN. 414 00:21:49,574 --> 00:21:55,047 YOU KNOW, WE'VE GOT TO BE-- WE HAVE TO BE AMONG THE PEOPLE 415 00:21:55,113 --> 00:21:56,281 ENJOYING LIFE. 416 00:21:56,348 --> 00:22:00,452 I WANT THE CROSS-POLLINATION OF OUR ENERGY IN THE DIVERSITY OF 417 00:22:00,519 --> 00:22:01,620 THIS CITY. 418 00:22:01,687 --> 00:22:03,522 WE HAVE SOME BEAUTIFUL PLACES IN THE CITY. 419 00:22:03,588 --> 00:22:05,257 SO I'M GOING TO BE OUT. 420 00:22:05,323 --> 00:22:08,126 IF YOU'RE GOING TO HANG OUT WITH THE BOYS AT NIGHT, YOU HAVE TO 421 00:22:08,193 --> 00:22:11,096 GET UP WITH THE MEN IN THE MORNING. 422 00:22:11,163 --> 00:22:13,231 I'M UP AT 5:00 A.M. EVERY MORNING. 423 00:22:13,298 --> 00:22:16,401 >> Stephen: WHAT MIGHT YOU DO DIFFERENTLY THAN OUR PRESENT 424 00:22:16,468 --> 00:22:19,337 MAYOR, BILL de BLASIO, WHO DOES NOT ENJOY THE MOST 425 00:22:19,404 --> 00:22:20,138 POPULARITY. 426 00:22:20,205 --> 00:22:22,340 DO YOU THINK THAT-- CASE IN POINT-- 427 00:22:22,407 --> 00:22:25,277 ( LAUGHTER ) DO YOU THINK THAT'S A BAD RAP? 428 00:22:25,343 --> 00:22:26,878 LIKE, HOW WILL YOU BE DIFFERENT? 429 00:22:26,945 --> 00:22:29,748 >> I'M GOING TO GET UP IN THE MORNING, YOU KNOW. 430 00:22:29,815 --> 00:22:30,449 I'M ONLY PLAYING. 431 00:22:30,515 --> 00:22:32,718 I'M UP AT 5:00 A.M., MEDITATION. 432 00:22:32,784 --> 00:22:33,518 >> Stephen: SURE. 433 00:22:33,585 --> 00:22:35,387 >> EXERCISE, GREEN SMOOTHIE. 434 00:22:35,454 --> 00:22:37,823 I'M READY TO HIT THE GROUND RUNNING. 435 00:22:37,889 --> 00:22:41,026 >> Stephen: I'M NOT GOING TO-- I ACCEPT THAT YOU'RE IN BETTER 436 00:22:41,093 --> 00:22:42,127 SHAPE THAN BILL de BLASIO. 437 00:22:42,194 --> 00:22:44,096 HOW WILL THE CITY BE IN BETTER SHAPE? 438 00:22:44,162 --> 00:22:46,231 >> WELL, YOU KNOW, THERE'S A QUOTE THAT I REALLY WANT NEW 439 00:22:46,298 --> 00:22:49,935 YORKERS AND AMERICANS TO UNDERSTAND. 440 00:22:50,001 --> 00:22:56,108 ARCHBISHOP DESMOND TUT SAID IT, WE SPEND A LIFETIME PULLING 441 00:22:56,174 --> 00:22:57,209 PEOPLE OUT OF THE RIVER. 442 00:22:57,275 --> 00:22:59,511 NOBODY GOES UPSTREAM AND PREVENTS THEM FROM FALLING IN, 443 00:22:59,578 --> 00:23:00,712 IN THE FIRST PLACE. 444 00:23:00,779 --> 00:23:03,181 WE TALK ABOUT CLOSING RIKER'S ISLAND. 445 00:23:03,248 --> 00:23:07,486 I SAY CLOSE THE PIPELINE THAT FEEDS RIKERS ISLAND. 446 00:23:07,552 --> 00:23:09,521 30% OF THE PRISONERS IN OUR COUNTRY ARE DYSLEXIC. 447 00:23:09,588 --> 00:23:13,458 SO IF WE GO UPSTREAM, LET'S NOT PULL PEOPLE OUT OF THE RIVER. 448 00:23:13,525 --> 00:23:16,194 LET'S GO UPSTREAM AND PREVENT THEM FROM FALLING IN, IN THE 449 00:23:16,261 --> 00:23:17,429 FIRST PLACE. 450 00:23:17,496 --> 00:23:20,031 WE CREATE THE CRISES, AND I'M GOING TO TAKE MY CITY UPSTREAM, 451 00:23:20,098 --> 00:23:23,435 AND WE'RE GOING TO BE A MODEL ALL OVER THIS COUNTRY ON HOW TO 452 00:23:23,502 --> 00:23:24,436 RUN CITIES. 453 00:23:24,503 --> 00:23:27,539 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: YOU HAD MENTIONED 454 00:23:27,606 --> 00:23:33,211 BEFORE-- YOU MENTIONED BEFORE THAT YOU WERE IN THE POLICE 455 00:23:33,278 --> 00:23:34,346 DEPARTMENT. 456 00:23:34,412 --> 00:23:36,248 YOU WERE ONE OF NEW YORK'S FINEST FOR 22 YEARS, BECAME A 457 00:23:36,314 --> 00:23:39,017 POLICE CAPTAIN. 458 00:23:39,084 --> 00:23:45,023 OUR COUNTRY IS GRAPPLING WITH CALLS FOR AND RESISTANCE TO 459 00:23:45,090 --> 00:23:47,859 POLICE REFORM IN VARIOUS PLACES AROUND THE UNITED STATES. 460 00:23:47,926 --> 00:23:49,561 WHAT-- HOW WILL YOU APPROACH THAT? 461 00:23:49,628 --> 00:23:53,932 HOW-- AS SOMEONE WHO, AS YOU SAID, WAS THE SUBJECT OR THE 462 00:23:53,999 --> 00:23:57,135 OBJECT OF ABUSE WHEN YOU WERE YOUNGER AND ALSO LIVED THE 463 00:23:57,202 --> 00:24:00,539 EXPERIENCE OF A POLICEMAN, HOW ARE YOU GOING TO APPROACH THIS 464 00:24:00,605 --> 00:24:01,473 ISSUE? 465 00:24:01,540 --> 00:24:02,240 WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO IN THE DEPARTMENT? 466 00:24:02,307 --> 00:24:03,508 >> SO TRUE. 467 00:24:03,575 --> 00:24:08,280 YOU KNOW, I'M A CHRISTIAN, AND I BELIEVE IN ESTHER FOUR AND 14-- 468 00:24:08,346 --> 00:24:10,282 GOD MADE ME FOR SUCH A TIME LIKE THIS. 469 00:24:10,348 --> 00:24:14,853 TAKEN FROM MY POLICE EXPERIENCE OF BEINGA AS A CHILD THAT WAS 470 00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:17,122 ABUSED, GOING INTO THE POLICE DEPARTMENT, UNDERSTANDING THAT 471 00:24:17,189 --> 00:24:20,192 THE PREREQUISITE TO PROSPERITY IS PUBLIC SAFETY AND JUSTICE. 472 00:24:20,258 --> 00:24:21,326 THEY GO TOGETHER. 473 00:24:21,393 --> 00:24:24,796 I'M GOING TO TELL MY POLICE OFFICERS, I HAVE YOUR BACKS. 474 00:24:24,863 --> 00:24:25,897 DO YOUR JOB. 475 00:24:25,964 --> 00:24:28,400 DARN IT, IF YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THE NOBILITY OF PUBLIC 476 00:24:28,466 --> 00:24:30,101 PROTECTION, YOU ARE GETTING OUT OF MY DEPARTMENT. 477 00:24:30,168 --> 00:24:32,404 YOU WILL NOT USE THAT JOB TO ABUSE PEOPLE. 478 00:24:32,470 --> 00:24:33,572 ABUSE IS REAL. 479 00:24:33,638 --> 00:24:36,808 WE'RE GOING TO CHANGE THE ECOSYSTEM OF PUBLIC SAFETIES -- 480 00:24:36,875 --> 00:24:39,244 NOT JUST POLICE. 481 00:24:39,311 --> 00:24:41,913 IT'S MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONALS, YOUTH 482 00:24:41,980 --> 00:24:44,115 ORGANIZATION, CLERGY LEADERS, CRISIS MANAGEMENT TEAMS. 483 00:24:44,182 --> 00:24:47,652 WE HAVE TO REDEFINE POLICING AND WHAT IT MEANS IN OUR COUNTRY AND 484 00:24:47,719 --> 00:24:48,320 IN OUR CITY. 485 00:24:48,386 --> 00:24:49,855 AND I'M GOING TO GET IT RIGHT. 486 00:24:49,921 --> 00:24:51,756 WE'RE NOT GOING TO BE HEAVY HANDED. 487 00:24:51,823 --> 00:24:55,861 WE'RE GOING TO SHOW HOW WE CAN HAVE A PARTNERSHIP WITH-- 488 00:24:55,927 --> 00:24:56,928 BETWEEN POLICE AND COMMUNITY. 489 00:24:56,995 --> 00:24:58,630 I KNOW WE CAN DO IT. 490 00:24:58,697 --> 00:25:00,532 WE'RE GOING TO GET IT RIGHT. 491 00:25:00,599 --> 00:25:05,604 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: I CERTAINLY HOPE 492 00:25:05,670 --> 00:25:06,271 YOU'RE RIGHT. 493 00:25:06,338 --> 00:25:08,373 I CERTAINLY HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT. 494 00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:13,912 THERE ARE KNOW-- WE HEAR STORIES OF LOW MORAL WITHIN THE N.Y.P.D. 495 00:25:13,979 --> 00:25:14,746 IS THAT TRUE? 496 00:25:14,813 --> 00:25:17,949 AND IF SO, DO YOU THINK IT STEMS FROM? 497 00:25:18,016 --> 00:25:19,084 >> WELL, IT IS, IT'S TRUE. 498 00:25:19,150 --> 00:25:23,255 AND I THINK THAT FOR FAR TOO LONG WE BUILD THIS DIVIDE 499 00:25:23,321 --> 00:25:25,891 BETWEEN POLICE AND COMMUNITIES. 500 00:25:25,957 --> 00:25:28,927 LISTEN, WHEN YOU COME OUT OF THAT SUBWAY STATION LATE AT 501 00:25:28,994 --> 00:25:31,763 NIGHT, UP TO THE SEE THAT POLICE OFFICER THERE, BUT YOU WANT HIM 502 00:25:31,830 --> 00:25:35,000 TO TREAT YOU ARE OF WITH THE RESPECT AND DIGNITY THAT YOU 503 00:25:35,066 --> 00:25:35,500 DESERVE. 504 00:25:35,567 --> 00:25:36,101 WE HAVE TO BE SAFE. 505 00:25:36,167 --> 00:25:37,669 DON'T LET ANYONE FOOL YOU. 506 00:25:37,736 --> 00:25:41,640 IF WE'RE NOT SAFE, THAT'S THE FOUNDATION OF HOW WE LIVE, BUT 507 00:25:41,706 --> 00:25:43,909 WE CAN DO IT WITHOUT BEING ABUSIVE. 508 00:25:43,975 --> 00:25:47,545 AND THEN WE HAVE TO STOP FEEDING THE CRIMINAL JUSTICE PROBLEM. 509 00:25:47,612 --> 00:25:50,515 DO YOU KNOW THAT FOSTER CARE CHILDREN AGE UP ON THE OF FOSTER 510 00:25:50,582 --> 00:25:52,250 CARE AT 21 YEARS OLD? 511 00:25:52,317 --> 00:25:54,853 ONLY 21% GRADUATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL. 512 00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:56,054 3% ENROLL IN COLLEGE. 513 00:25:56,121 --> 00:25:59,591 THEY'RE MORE LIKELY TO BE UNEMPLOYED, MORE LIKELY TO HAVE 514 00:25:59,658 --> 00:26:03,528 MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES, MORE LIKELY TO BE VICTIMS OF CRIMES. 515 00:26:03,595 --> 00:26:09,200 WHY DON'T WE LET THEM AGE OUT AT 26, GIVE THEM LIFE CULTURE. 516 00:26:09,267 --> 00:26:13,038 I SAT DOWN WITH GANG MEMBERS FOR THE LAST TWO AND A HALF YEARS 517 00:26:13,104 --> 00:26:14,673 AND TALKED WITH THEM. 518 00:26:14,739 --> 00:26:19,978 I WAS BLOWN AWAY WITH HOW MANY OF THEM WERE DYSLEXIC AND HAD 519 00:26:20,045 --> 00:26:21,012 LEARNING DISABILITIES. 520 00:26:21,079 --> 00:26:24,115 THE REAL CRIME IS NOT WHAT HAPPENS IN 42nd STREET. 521 00:26:24,182 --> 00:26:29,087 IT'S WHAT HAPPENS IN THE DEPADEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION. 522 00:26:29,154 --> 00:26:30,322 THAT'S THE CRIME. 523 00:26:30,388 --> 00:26:33,558 WE NEED TO START LOOKING AT, NOT ONLY LOOKING AT THOSE CHILDREN 524 00:26:33,625 --> 00:26:36,494 WHO ARE COMMITTING CRIMES ON OUR STREETS. 525 00:26:36,561 --> 00:26:38,163 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: MR. MAYOR-ELECT, 526 00:26:38,229 --> 00:26:39,531 WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK. 527 00:26:39,597 --> 00:26:40,832 BUT DON'T GO ANYWHERE. 528 00:26:40,899 --> 00:26:45,837 WHEN WE COME BACK, I WILL ASK MAYOR-ELECT ERIC ADAMS WHAT KIND 529 00:26:45,904 --> 00:26:48,606 OF DEMOCRAT HE'S GOING TO BE, A.O.C., OR JOE MANCHIN? 530 00:26:48,673 --> 00:26:49,607 STICK AROUND. 531 00:26:57,649 --> 00:27:00,719 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WE'RE BACK! 532 00:27:00,785 --> 00:27:06,524 WITH THE MAYOR-ELECT OF THE GREACHT CITY IN THE WORLD, ERIC 533 00:27:06,591 --> 00:27:07,792 ADAMS. 534 00:27:07,859 --> 00:27:10,095 NEW YORK CITY, LIKE THE REST OF THE COUNTRY, HAS A WIDE RASMG OF 535 00:27:10,161 --> 00:27:13,131 WHAT DEFINES BEING A DEMOCRATIC POLITICIAN. 536 00:27:13,198 --> 00:27:17,902 I WAS CURIOUS WHERE YOU'RE GOING TO BE IN TERMS OF YOUR 537 00:27:17,969 --> 00:27:19,137 PROGRESSIVENESS. 538 00:27:19,204 --> 00:27:24,476 LIKE ON A SCALE FROM A.O.C. TO JOE MANCHIN, WHERE IS ERIC ADAMS 539 00:27:24,542 --> 00:27:25,744 IN THERE? 540 00:27:25,810 --> 00:27:33,151 >> WELL, WHAT AMERICA IS SAYING AND WHAT THOSE WE ELECTED STATED 541 00:27:33,218 --> 00:27:37,055 BEING PRAGMATIC IS PROGRESSIVE. 542 00:27:37,122 --> 00:27:39,991 AND PEOPLE TRY TO SAY, "HE'S CONSERVATIVE. 543 00:27:40,058 --> 00:27:40,692 HE'S MODERATE." 544 00:27:40,759 --> 00:27:42,694 THEY TRY TO DEFINE ME. 545 00:27:42,761 --> 00:27:45,663 FIRST OF ALL, I DON'T WANT PEOPLE DEFINING ME. 546 00:27:45,730 --> 00:27:46,631 I'M STILL DEFINING MYSELF. 547 00:27:46,698 --> 00:27:48,299 I KNOW WE CAN'T JUST TALK ABOUT IT. 548 00:27:48,366 --> 00:27:50,435 WE HAVE TO ACTUALLY IMPLEMENT REAL PLANS. 549 00:27:50,502 --> 00:27:53,671 SO I AM PROGRESSIVE. 550 00:27:53,738 --> 00:27:57,876 I PASS-- IT WAS MY BILL THAT I COSPONSORED TO STOP THE 551 00:27:57,942 --> 00:27:59,077 ROCKEFELLER DRUG LAWS. 552 00:27:59,144 --> 00:28:03,615 IT WAS MY BILL THAT TOOK AWAY THE DATABASE WHERE PEOPLE WERE 553 00:28:03,681 --> 00:28:04,783 ABUTIONED STOP AND FRISK. 554 00:28:04,849 --> 00:28:09,788 MY BILL THAT TOOK 83 THE QUOTAS, MY BILL ON PRISON REFORM. 555 00:28:09,854 --> 00:28:13,925 LONG BEFORE PEOPLE DISCOVERED THIS TERM CALLED "PROGRESSIVE" 556 00:28:13,992 --> 00:28:16,694 WE WERE LEADING THE WAY ON WHAT PROGRESSIVE IS ALL ABOUT. 557 00:28:16,761 --> 00:28:18,063 I DON'T WANT PEOPLE TO PUT ME IN A BOX. 558 00:28:18,129 --> 00:28:20,999 THERE ARE SOME THINGS I'M CONSERVATIVE THINKING ABOUT, 559 00:28:21,066 --> 00:28:25,503 MODERATE THINKING ABOUT, ULTRA-LEFT THINKING ABOUT. 560 00:28:25,570 --> 00:28:27,672 THAT IS WHO I AM. 561 00:28:27,739 --> 00:28:31,242 AND I TELL NEW YORKERS AND AMERICANS DON'T LET PEOPLE 562 00:28:31,309 --> 00:28:31,676 DEFINE YOU. 563 00:28:31,743 --> 00:28:32,777 I KNOW WHO I AM. 564 00:28:32,844 --> 00:28:34,712 I DON'T NEED ANY TITLE. 565 00:28:34,779 --> 00:28:36,848 I'M ERIC ADAMS. 566 00:28:36,915 --> 00:28:38,716 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: THE NEXT MAYOR OF 567 00:28:38,783 --> 00:28:41,219 NEW YORK CITY. 568 00:28:41,286 --> 00:28:44,322 BEFORE WE GO, BEFORE WE GO, DO YOU HAVE A MESSAGE FOR THE REST 569 00:28:44,389 --> 00:28:47,892 OF THE COUNTRY FROM NEW YORK? 570 00:28:47,959 --> 00:28:50,495 >> YES, I GOT A LITTLE GIFT BAG FOR YOU. 571 00:28:50,562 --> 00:28:51,529 >> Stephen: THERE YOU GO. 572 00:28:51,596 --> 00:28:53,998 I WAS WONDERING WHAT THAT WAS. 573 00:28:54,065 --> 00:28:57,402 >> FIRST OF ALL, A COUPLE OF THINGS IN HERE. 574 00:28:57,469 --> 00:28:58,636 BLANKET. 575 00:28:58,703 --> 00:29:04,876 IF YOU GO TO TIMES SQUARE AND YOU WANT TO WRAP WITH YOUR BOO, 576 00:29:04,943 --> 00:29:07,212 YOU CAN DO IT WITH YOUR BLANKET. 577 00:29:07,278 --> 00:29:08,680 >> Stephen: I'LL TAKE THIS, THANK YOU. 578 00:29:08,746 --> 00:29:11,883 >> I HAVE A T-SHIRT FOR YOU. 579 00:29:11,950 --> 00:29:14,352 THIS IS MY THEME G.S.D. 580 00:29:14,419 --> 00:29:18,723 I'M GOING TO SAY GET STUFF DONE FOR YOU, BUT THERE'S ANOTHER 581 00:29:18,790 --> 00:29:26,030 MEANING WITH THE S. 582 00:29:26,097 --> 00:29:27,098 BUT GET IT DONE. 583 00:29:27,165 --> 00:29:28,933 ONE OF MY BEST GIFTS. 584 00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:30,935 AS YOU KNOW, MARIJUANA IS LEGAL -- 585 00:29:31,002 --> 00:29:31,836 >> Stephen: I DID NOT KNOW. 586 00:29:31,903 --> 00:29:34,639 >> I HAVE RAW -- >> Stephen: I'M NOT AWARE, 587 00:29:34,706 --> 00:29:35,206 MR. MAYOR. 588 00:29:35,273 --> 00:29:35,807 I'M NOT INTO THAT SCENE. 589 00:29:35,874 --> 00:29:38,042 >> I HAVE BAMBOO. 590 00:29:38,109 --> 00:29:38,977 >> Stephen: OH, THIS IS BIG. 591 00:29:39,043 --> 00:29:41,079 >> AND I CAN'T GIVE YOU THIS GIFT. 592 00:29:41,146 --> 00:29:46,718 I'LL GIVE IT TO YOU LATER, YOU KNOW. 593 00:29:46,784 --> 00:29:57,729 ( APPLAUSE ) AND THE 25th ANNIVERSARY OF 594 00:29:57,795 --> 00:30:00,865 "CHICAGO" FOR ALL OF YOU IN THE AUDIENCE, WE HAVE FREE TICKETS 595 00:30:00,932 --> 00:30:04,302 FOR ALL OF YOU TO SEE "CHICAGO." 596 00:30:04,369 --> 00:30:05,003 WE'RE LOVING IT. 597 00:30:05,069 --> 00:30:07,138 HERE'S THE "PLAYBILL." 598 00:30:07,205 --> 00:30:09,807 >> Stephen: EVERYBODY GETS TICKETS? 599 00:30:09,874 --> 00:30:10,608 >> EVERYBODY. 600 00:30:10,675 --> 00:30:14,345 >> Stephen: EVERYBODY GETS A TICKET! 601 00:30:14,412 --> 00:30:19,717 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) MR. MAYOR, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 602 00:30:19,784 --> 00:30:23,688 BEING HERE. 603 00:30:23,755 --> 00:30:25,256 MAYOR-ELECT ERIC ADAMS, EVERYBODY! 604 00:30:25,323 --> 00:30:26,925 THANK YOU, SIR. 605 00:30:26,991 --> 00:30:28,493 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH N.B.A. 606 00:30:28,560 --> 00:30:30,528 CHAMPION DWYANE WADE. 607 00:31:00,058 --> 00:31:01,259 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY, WELCOME BACK, 608 00:31:01,326 --> 00:31:03,228 EVERYBODY! 609 00:31:03,294 --> 00:31:11,636 FOLKS, MY NEXT GUEST THIS LOVELY EVENING, IS A THREE-TIME N.B.A. 610 00:31:11,703 --> 00:31:14,906 CHAMPION AND OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALIST YOU KNOW FROM THE MIAMI 611 00:31:14,973 --> 00:31:16,074 HEAT. 612 00:31:16,140 --> 00:31:18,743 HIS NEW PHOTOGRAPHIC MEMOIR, "DWYANE," WAS PUBLISHED TODAY. 613 00:31:18,810 --> 00:31:21,179 PLEASE WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW," DWYANE WADE! 614 00:31:21,246 --> 00:31:31,222 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 615 00:31:31,289 --> 00:31:38,630 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 616 00:31:38,696 --> 00:31:39,163 HEY. 617 00:31:39,230 --> 00:31:40,365 THANKS FOR BEING HERE. 618 00:31:40,431 --> 00:31:41,065 >> MAN! 619 00:31:41,132 --> 00:31:42,433 THANKS FOR HAVING ME HERE. 620 00:31:42,500 --> 00:31:43,368 >> Stephen: NICE TO MEET YOU. 621 00:31:43,434 --> 00:31:45,336 >> I'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET HERE FOR A WHILE. 622 00:31:45,403 --> 00:31:47,038 >> Stephen: I'M GLAD TO HAVE YOU. 623 00:31:47,105 --> 00:31:50,575 I'VE MET YOUR LOVELY WIFE, GABRIELLE UNION BEFORE. 624 00:31:50,642 --> 00:31:53,278 WE MET AT OBAMA'S 55th BIRTHDAY PARTY. 625 00:31:53,344 --> 00:31:55,046 I'M SORRY YOU WEREN'T INVITED. 626 00:31:55,113 --> 00:31:56,247 I GUESS YOU WERE WORKING. 627 00:31:56,314 --> 00:31:59,651 >> SOMETIMES YOU DON'T GET A PLUS-ONE. 628 00:31:59,717 --> 00:32:00,852 SO SHE DIDN'T TAKE ME. 629 00:32:00,918 --> 00:32:03,154 >> Stephen: PEOPLE KNOW YOU FROM THE HEAT, BUT YOU ACTUALLY 630 00:32:03,221 --> 00:32:03,855 ARE FROM CHICAGO. 631 00:32:03,921 --> 00:32:04,889 >> YES, I AM. 632 00:32:04,956 --> 00:32:07,592 >> Stephen: I LIVED THERE IN THE 90s, SO JORDAN WAS 633 00:32:07,659 --> 00:32:08,660 EVERYTHING. 634 00:32:08,726 --> 00:32:10,228 THE BULLS WERE EVERYTHING, BUT JORDAN WAS EVERYTHING. 635 00:32:10,295 --> 00:32:11,396 YOU'RE AN N.B.A. CHAMPION. 636 00:32:11,462 --> 00:32:12,330 HE'S AN N.B.A. CHAMPION. 637 00:32:12,397 --> 00:32:14,799 I HAVE TO IMAGINE YOU GUYS HAVE HUNG, RIGHT? 638 00:32:14,866 --> 00:32:17,168 YOU GUYS-- >> YEAH, YEAH, WE'VE HUNG A 639 00:32:17,235 --> 00:32:17,702 LITTLE BIT. 640 00:32:17,769 --> 00:32:18,169 >> Stephen: YEAH. 641 00:32:18,236 --> 00:32:19,237 >> YEAH. 642 00:32:19,304 --> 00:32:21,572 >> Stephen: HE HAD TO HAVE BEEN A HERO OF YOURS, TOO. 643 00:32:21,639 --> 00:32:23,074 >> HE WAS MY IDOL. 644 00:32:23,141 --> 00:32:24,842 >> Stephen: WHAT'S IT LIKE TO HANG WITH JORDAN? 645 00:32:24,909 --> 00:32:28,546 >> EVERY TIME IS LIKE THE FIRST TIME. 646 00:32:28,613 --> 00:32:29,814 LIKE, EVERY TIME -- >> Stephen: WHAT WAS THE FIRST 647 00:32:29,881 --> 00:32:30,915 TIME LIKE. 648 00:32:30,982 --> 00:32:35,586 >> EVERY SAME I SEE MICHAEL JORDAN IT'S LIKE, "THAT'S 649 00:32:35,653 --> 00:32:36,354 JORDAN." 650 00:32:36,421 --> 00:32:37,488 NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I SEE HIM. 651 00:32:37,555 --> 00:32:40,425 THE FIRST TIME I GOT AN OPPORTUNITY TO MEET MY IDOL, AND 652 00:32:40,491 --> 00:32:43,628 I THINK THIS IS ONE OF THE COOLEST WAYS TO MEET YOUR IDOL. 653 00:32:43,695 --> 00:32:44,796 I GET DRAFTED. 654 00:32:44,862 --> 00:32:47,398 I'M DOING A DRAFT PARTY IN CHICAGO, IT'S LIKE A WEEK AFTER 655 00:32:47,465 --> 00:32:50,468 I GET DONE WITH DOING A PRESS CONFERENCE IN MIME PEP I GET 656 00:32:50,535 --> 00:32:51,803 BACK AND I'M DOING A PARTY. 657 00:32:51,869 --> 00:32:52,837 I'M HAVING A GREAT TIME. 658 00:32:52,904 --> 00:32:54,672 THE PARTY IS A SUCCESS. 659 00:32:54,739 --> 00:32:55,640 EVERYONE HAS SHOWED UP. 660 00:32:55,707 --> 00:32:58,609 I'M LIKE, PEOPLE HAVE CAME TO SEE ME, FINALLY. 661 00:32:58,676 --> 00:33:01,746 ASK MY COUSIN COME AND TAP ME ON THE SHOULDER AND SAID, "MICHAEL 662 00:33:01,813 --> 00:33:02,780 JORDAN IS OUTSIDE. 663 00:33:02,847 --> 00:33:04,515 THEY WON'T LET HIM IN." 664 00:33:04,582 --> 00:33:06,284 I SAID, "STOP PLAYING WITH ME. 665 00:33:06,351 --> 00:33:12,490 WHAT DO YOU MEAN MICHAEL JORDAN IS OUTSIDE AND THEY WON'T LET ME 666 00:33:12,557 --> 00:33:12,924 IN." 667 00:33:12,990 --> 00:33:13,925 BOTH OF US RAN. 668 00:33:13,991 --> 00:33:15,860 WE WERE RUNNING OUT OF THE CLUB. 669 00:33:15,927 --> 00:33:18,162 WE BUST THROUGH THE DOORS, AND IT WAS IN SLOW MOTION. 670 00:33:18,229 --> 00:33:22,834 WHEN I OPENED THE DOORS, IT WAS MICHAEL JORDAN AND 50 DULDS ON A 671 00:33:22,900 --> 00:33:23,768 MOTORCYCLE. 672 00:33:23,835 --> 00:33:25,503 AND I WAS JUST LIKE, I'VE HEARD ABOUT THIS. 673 00:33:25,570 --> 00:33:27,805 AND I WENT UP TO HIM, AND IMMEDIATELY, I WENT, "MIKE, YOU 674 00:33:27,872 --> 00:33:32,076 WANT TO COME IN?" AND HE WAS LIKE, "NO, I'M GOOD." 675 00:33:32,143 --> 00:33:34,812 ( LAUGHTER ) BUT HE CAME BY TO SHOW ME SOME 676 00:33:34,879 --> 00:33:35,380 LOVE. 677 00:33:35,446 --> 00:33:36,280 >> Stephen: THAT'S NICE. 678 00:33:36,347 --> 00:33:38,116 >> THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME MEETING MY IDOL. 679 00:33:38,182 --> 00:33:39,317 >> Stephen: IT WAS CONGRATS. 680 00:33:39,384 --> 00:33:41,919 >> IT WAS CONGRATS ON GETTING DRAFTED AND HE HEARD ABOUT ME 681 00:33:41,986 --> 00:33:44,956 FROM CHICAGO, FROM THE CITY, AND HE WANTED TO COME AND SHOW ME A 682 00:33:45,022 --> 00:33:45,590 LITTLE LOVE. 683 00:33:45,656 --> 00:33:46,391 >> Stephen: THAT'S AWESOME. 684 00:33:46,457 --> 00:33:47,392 THAT'S GREAT. 685 00:33:47,458 --> 00:33:51,462 ( APPLAUSE ) WHEN-- WHEN I FOUND OUT THAT I 686 00:33:51,529 --> 00:33:55,867 WAS GOING TO TAKE OVER FOR DAVE AND GET "THE LATE SHOW," MICHAEL 687 00:33:55,933 --> 00:33:57,702 DID NOTHING. 688 00:33:57,769 --> 00:34:00,238 ( LAUGHTER ) BUT I WOULD STILL BE SO THRILLED 689 00:34:00,304 --> 00:34:02,907 IF HE WANTED TO ROLL BY AT ANY POINT. 690 00:34:02,974 --> 00:34:05,376 I'LL GET MY HOG OUT, AND WE'LL GOING CRUISING. 691 00:34:05,443 --> 00:34:10,348 AS I SAID, YOU'RE HALF OF A CELEBRITY POWER COUPLE HERE, YOU 692 00:34:10,415 --> 00:34:10,815 AND GABRIELLE UNION. 693 00:34:10,882 --> 00:34:11,883 >> YES. 694 00:34:11,949 --> 00:34:15,286 >> Stephen: I-- IT IS REPORTED-- AND I WANT YOU TO-- 695 00:34:15,353 --> 00:34:16,354 >> UH-OH. 696 00:34:16,421 --> 00:34:18,656 >> Stephen: I WANT YOU TO CONFIRM OR SLAP THIS DOWN. 697 00:34:18,723 --> 00:34:21,492 IT IS-- IT IS REPORTED THAT IN COLLEGE YOU HAD A POSTER OF HER 698 00:34:21,559 --> 00:34:22,627 ON YOUR WALL. 699 00:34:22,693 --> 00:34:23,494 >> THAT IS A LIE. 700 00:34:23,561 --> 00:34:24,896 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: REALLY? 701 00:34:24,962 --> 00:34:29,400 YOU DIDN'T HAVE A POSTER OF THIS WOMAN ON YOUR WALL? 702 00:34:29,467 --> 00:34:32,270 WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? 703 00:34:32,336 --> 00:34:33,004 >> SO... 704 00:34:33,070 --> 00:34:33,905 ( LAUGHTER ). 705 00:34:33,971 --> 00:34:36,207 >> Stephen: HOW DID THIS RUMOR GET STARTED? 706 00:34:36,274 --> 00:34:40,878 >> MY WIFE IS A BIGGER CELEBRITY THAN ME. 707 00:34:40,945 --> 00:34:43,748 AND SHE GOT TO COME ON YOUR SHOW AND OTHER SHOWS WAY MORE THAN I. 708 00:34:43,815 --> 00:34:44,916 >> Stephen: SHE'S BEEN HERE, YEAH. 709 00:34:44,982 --> 00:34:46,250 >> SO SHE PLANTED THIS STORY. 710 00:34:46,317 --> 00:34:47,785 THIS IS A PLANTED STORY. 711 00:34:47,852 --> 00:34:49,787 THIS DID NOT HAPPEN, PEOPLE. 712 00:34:49,854 --> 00:34:51,022 SHE'S LYING. 713 00:34:51,088 --> 00:34:54,325 NOW, I HAD THE MAGAZINE THAT SHE WAS ON THE COVER OF AND IT WAS 714 00:34:54,392 --> 00:34:56,661 PROBABLY UNDER MY PILLOW, BUT IT WASN'T ON THE WALL. 715 00:34:56,727 --> 00:34:58,162 HOW DARE SHE SAY THAT. 716 00:34:58,229 --> 00:34:59,063 ( APPLAUSE ). 717 00:34:59,130 --> 00:35:01,232 >> Stephen: YEAH THERE'S A BIG DIFFERENCE. 718 00:35:01,299 --> 00:35:03,367 >> YEAH, DON'T DISRESPECT ME LIKE THAT. 719 00:35:03,434 --> 00:35:04,268 ( LAUGHTER ). 720 00:35:04,335 --> 00:35:07,004 >> Stephen: WELL, YOU HAVE A-- A NEW BOOK. 721 00:35:07,071 --> 00:35:16,180 IT IS A PHOTOGRAPHIC MEMOIR TITLED "DWAYNE" KEEPING IT 722 00:35:16,247 --> 00:35:16,514 SIMPLE. 723 00:35:16,581 --> 00:35:17,782 I LIKE IT. 724 00:35:17,849 --> 00:35:20,318 I'M SURE THIS THING IS GOING TO SELL LIKE HOT CAKES MAN, I DON'T 725 00:35:20,384 --> 00:35:21,552 HAVE ANY DOUBT. 726 00:35:21,619 --> 00:35:24,655 THE PROBLEM IS YOUR WIFE ALSO HAS A BOOK OUT AT THE SAME TIME. 727 00:35:24,722 --> 00:35:26,190 OKAY. 728 00:35:26,257 --> 00:35:26,958 OKAY. 729 00:35:27,024 --> 00:35:29,627 WHO-- YOU KNOW, WHO'S GOING TO WIN? 730 00:35:29,694 --> 00:35:32,396 ( LAUGHTER ) IS IT GOING TO BE "DWAYNE" OR 731 00:35:32,463 --> 00:35:37,101 "YOU GOT ANYTHING STRONGER?" BECAUSE, MR. AND MRS. OBAMA BOTH 732 00:35:37,168 --> 00:35:39,003 PUT OUT BOOKS IN THE SAME YEAR. 733 00:35:39,070 --> 00:35:39,704 AND SHE SMOKED HIM. 734 00:35:39,770 --> 00:35:40,938 ( LAUGHTER ). 735 00:35:41,005 --> 00:35:41,706 >> YES. 736 00:35:41,772 --> 00:35:43,908 >> Stephen: SHE JUST CRUSHED HIM. 737 00:35:43,975 --> 00:35:48,045 HE SOLD A LOT OF BOOKS BUT SHE CRUSHED PIM. 738 00:35:48,112 --> 00:35:49,413 DO YOU WANT TO PLACE A BET NOW? 739 00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:50,882 >> I DIDN'T TRY TO DO THIS. 740 00:35:50,948 --> 00:35:52,617 I DIDN'T KNOW SHE WAS WORKING ON A BOOK. 741 00:35:52,683 --> 00:35:56,053 >> Stephen: DID SHE START WORKING ON A BOOK WHEN SHE FOUND 742 00:35:56,120 --> 00:35:58,089 OUT YOU WERE WORKING ON A BOOK? 743 00:35:58,155 --> 00:36:01,259 >> A LOT OF THE STORIES IN HER BOOK ARE SO PRIVATE AND SO 744 00:36:01,325 --> 00:36:02,393 PERSONAL. 745 00:36:02,460 --> 00:36:04,595 SO SHE KIND OF DID IT AWAY FROM, LIKE, THE WHOLE FAMILY. 746 00:36:04,662 --> 00:36:06,531 SHE GOT WITH HER WRITER AND JUST -- 747 00:36:06,597 --> 00:36:07,331 >> Stephen: OH, WOW. 748 00:36:07,398 --> 00:36:09,000 >> SO I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WAS COMING. 749 00:36:09,066 --> 00:36:11,536 AND THEN I WAS ABOUT TO COME OUT WITH MY BOOK, AND SHE WAS LIKE, 750 00:36:11,602 --> 00:36:13,271 "MY BOOK IS COMING OUT THIS YEAR." 751 00:36:13,337 --> 00:36:15,439 AND I WAS LIKE, "PUSH IT BACK. 752 00:36:15,506 --> 00:36:16,774 PUSH IT ALL THE WAY BACK." 753 00:36:16,841 --> 00:36:18,109 WE HAD TO PUSH IT BACK. 754 00:36:18,175 --> 00:36:19,410 >> Stephen: OH, PUSH YOUR HONOR BOOK BACK. 755 00:36:19,477 --> 00:36:21,946 >> YEAH, I DIDN'T WANT TO COMPETE WITH HER. 756 00:36:22,013 --> 00:36:24,081 >> Stephen: GOOD LUCK, GOOD LUCK. 757 00:36:24,148 --> 00:36:26,150 >> NO, I'M EXCITED FOR BOTH OF US. 758 00:36:26,217 --> 00:36:29,520 >> Stephen: ARE-- HOW INTIMATE DO YOU GET WITH YOUR 759 00:36:29,587 --> 00:36:29,921 PHOTOGRAPHER HERE? 760 00:36:29,987 --> 00:36:31,155 >> WELL, VERY. 761 00:36:31,222 --> 00:36:33,824 YOU KNOW, MY PHOTOGRAPHER IS IN THE CROWD SOMEWHERE, SHOUT OUT 762 00:36:33,891 --> 00:36:36,994 TO BOB METELUS, WHO SHOT OVER 200 PHOTOS IN THIS BOOK. 763 00:36:37,061 --> 00:36:37,962 >> Stephen: OH, WOW. 764 00:36:38,029 --> 00:36:41,966 >> AND BOB HAS BEEN FOLLOWING ME-- THANK YOU. 765 00:36:42,033 --> 00:36:44,902 ( APPLAUSE ) BOB HAS BEEN FOLLOWING ME 766 00:36:44,969 --> 00:36:46,404 SINCE-- SINCE 2009. 767 00:36:46,470 --> 00:36:48,372 ( LAUGHTER ) WHAT PHOTO IS THAT? 768 00:36:48,439 --> 00:36:49,006 IS IT GOOD? 769 00:36:49,073 --> 00:36:49,807 >> Stephen: WORTH THE PRICE. 770 00:36:49,874 --> 00:36:51,609 IT'S WORTH THE PRICE RIGHT THERE. 771 00:36:51,676 --> 00:36:53,945 >> I THINK IT'S VERY SOME-- YOU KNOW, AS BASKETBALL PLAYERS YOU 772 00:36:54,011 --> 00:36:57,815 GET TO SEE-- YOU KNOW, YOU GET TO SEE US ON THE COURT, YOU GET 773 00:36:57,882 --> 00:36:58,983 TO SEE US ON TV. 774 00:36:59,050 --> 00:37:02,887 AND A LOT OF PEOPLE LOOK AT US AS THEE KIND OF MACHO, THIS 775 00:37:02,954 --> 00:37:05,856 HERO, THESE SUPER-POWER, YOU KNOW, HUMAN BEINGS. 776 00:37:05,923 --> 00:37:09,627 BUT IN THIS BOOK RIGHT HERE, YOU GET TO SEE ME LAYING ON THE 777 00:37:09,694 --> 00:37:10,828 COUCH. 778 00:37:10,895 --> 00:37:14,165 I HAVE TOE SPREADERS IN MY TOES IN ONE OF OF THEM BECAUSE I 779 00:37:14,231 --> 00:37:15,132 DON'T LIKE MY TOES TO TOUCH. 780 00:37:15,199 --> 00:37:16,667 YOU GET TO SEE THE INSECURITYS. 781 00:37:16,734 --> 00:37:18,769 YOU GET TO SEE INTIMATE MOMENT S. 782 00:37:18,836 --> 00:37:20,071 >> Stephen: WHAT'S A TOE SPREADER? 783 00:37:20,137 --> 00:37:21,405 >> THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING. 784 00:37:21,472 --> 00:37:23,074 >> Stephen: SO I'M GOING TO LEARN. 785 00:37:23,140 --> 00:37:24,008 I'M GOING TO LEARN. 786 00:37:24,075 --> 00:37:25,610 >> YEAH, IT SPREADS YOUR TOES OUT LIKE THAT. 787 00:37:25,676 --> 00:37:28,980 >> Stephen: OH, LIKE IF YOU'RE GED GETTING A PEDICURE SOMETHING 788 00:37:29,046 --> 00:37:29,447 LIKE THAT. 789 00:37:29,513 --> 00:37:30,615 >> KIND OF SORTA. 790 00:37:30,681 --> 00:37:33,951 I HAVE A JELLY TOAST SPREADER TO KEEP MY TOES -- 791 00:37:34,018 --> 00:37:35,686 >> Stephen: DO YOU RECOMMEND THAT? 792 00:37:35,753 --> 00:37:37,021 >> YEAH, AT HOME, ON THE COUCH. 793 00:37:37,088 --> 00:37:39,857 >> Stephen: SURE, I'LL TRY IT. 794 00:37:39,924 --> 00:37:43,260 EVIE, IF YOU'RE WATCHING, CHRISTMAS... I GOT A PROPOSITION 795 00:37:43,327 --> 00:37:44,829 FOR YOU. 796 00:37:44,895 --> 00:37:47,365 YOU KNOW, YOU'RE A COMPETITIVE GUY. 797 00:37:47,431 --> 00:37:49,567 BUT I'M A COMPETITIVE GUY, TOO. 798 00:37:49,634 --> 00:37:56,707 AND I WAS MENTIONING TO JON EARLIER THAT I-- I HAVE PLAYED 799 00:37:56,774 --> 00:37:58,542 WASTE PAPER BASKETBALL AGAINST SOME OF THE GREATS. 800 00:37:58,609 --> 00:37:59,143 THIS IS ME. 801 00:37:59,210 --> 00:38:02,079 THIS IS ME BEATING OBAMA. 802 00:38:02,146 --> 00:38:05,249 LIKE, ABSOLUTELY BURYING OBAMA RIGHT THERE. 803 00:38:05,316 --> 00:38:06,283 OKAY. 804 00:38:06,350 --> 00:38:11,022 ( APPLAUSE ) THAT'S ME AGAINST ALLEN IVERSON. 805 00:38:11,088 --> 00:38:14,959 ABSOLUTELY SLAUGHTER-- >> WHY DO THEY ALL SAY ZERO? 806 00:38:15,026 --> 00:38:17,128 >> Stephen: THEY DIDN'T SCORE ANY. 807 00:38:17,194 --> 00:38:20,364 THIS IS ME AGAINST DR. J. 808 00:38:20,431 --> 00:38:22,466 HE MANAGED TO GET FIVE IN. 809 00:38:22,533 --> 00:38:24,335 HE WAS NOT HAPPY. 810 00:38:24,402 --> 00:38:28,272 I WAS WONDERING IF I COULD CHALLENGE YOU, PUT MY 811 00:38:28,339 --> 00:38:30,641 CHAMPIONSHIP RING ON THE LINE. 812 00:38:30,708 --> 00:38:32,043 LINE. 813 00:38:32,109 --> 00:38:33,744 I PUT MY WEDDING RING ON. 814 00:38:33,811 --> 00:38:37,148 >> Stephen: I CAN'T GET MINE OFF. 815 00:38:37,214 --> 00:38:39,383 DO YOU WANT TO TAKE A SECOND TO SQUEEZE THEM HERE? 816 00:38:39,450 --> 00:38:42,086 >> WE'RE SHOOTING IN THE SAME BASKENT. 817 00:38:42,153 --> 00:38:42,787 >> Stephen: SURE, SURE. 818 00:38:42,853 --> 00:38:45,523 >> IF I BEAT YOU, WHAT DO I GET? 819 00:38:45,589 --> 00:38:48,659 HOW ABOUT 20,000 COPIES OF MY BOOK? 820 00:38:48,726 --> 00:38:55,700 ( APPLAUSE ) ( CHEERING ) 821 00:38:55,766 --> 00:38:59,270 >> Stephen: I'LL BUY 20 COPIES OF YOUR BOOK. 822 00:38:59,336 --> 00:39:01,072 I'LL GIVE YOUR BOOK AWAY FOR CHRISTMAS. 823 00:39:01,138 --> 00:39:01,772 HOW ABOUT THAT? 824 00:39:01,839 --> 00:39:02,740 >> THANK YOU, APPRECIATE IT. 825 00:39:02,807 --> 00:39:03,841 >> Stephen: YOU'RE WELCOME. 826 00:39:03,908 --> 00:39:05,042 ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO. 827 00:39:05,109 --> 00:39:05,710 HERE WE GO. 828 00:39:05,776 --> 00:39:07,478 >> HOW MANY SECONDS DO WE GET? 829 00:39:07,545 --> 00:39:10,214 >> Stephen: HOW MANY SECONDS ARE WE GOING TO GET HERE? 830 00:39:10,281 --> 00:39:11,849 30 SECONDS ON THE CLOCK? 831 00:39:11,916 --> 00:39:15,152 30 SECONDS AND IT'S JUST HOW MANY YOU CAN GET IN 30 SECONDS. 832 00:39:15,219 --> 00:39:16,187 OKAY, YOU'VE BEEN PRACTICING? 833 00:39:16,253 --> 00:39:18,289 DID YOU HEAR ME BACKSTAGE? 834 00:39:18,355 --> 00:39:18,856 ALL RIGHT. 835 00:39:18,923 --> 00:39:22,793 >> YOU WERE PRACTICING? 836 00:39:22,860 --> 00:39:24,662 ( APPLAUSE ) ( CLEARS THROAT ) 837 00:39:24,729 --> 00:39:26,831 ALL RIGHT, WE'LL START-- YOU CAN SHOOT FIRST. 838 00:39:26,897 --> 00:39:28,933 YOU WANT TO DO THAT? 839 00:39:28,999 --> 00:39:29,333 YOU'RE THE GUEST. 840 00:39:29,400 --> 00:39:29,934 >> OKAY. 841 00:39:30,000 --> 00:39:35,039 >> Stephen: READY? 842 00:39:39,577 --> 00:39:41,846 >> HOLD ON. 843 00:39:41,912 --> 00:39:42,613 YOU SEE THAT. 844 00:39:42,680 --> 00:39:44,448 GREATEST OF ALL TIME. 845 00:39:44,515 --> 00:39:47,985 ALL-STAR, M.V.P., THREE-TIME CHAMPION. 846 00:39:48,052 --> 00:39:48,652 YEAH, YEAH. 847 00:39:48,719 --> 00:39:51,155 I'M TERRIBLE! 848 00:39:57,728 --> 00:39:59,196 ( BUZZER ). 849 00:39:59,263 --> 00:40:06,270 >> Stephen: WHOA. 850 00:40:06,337 --> 00:40:08,973 HIS NEW BOOK, "DWYANE," IS AVAILABLE NOW. 851 00:40:09,039 --> 00:40:10,007 DWYANE WADE, EVERYBODY! 852 00:40:10,074 --> 00:40:11,142 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 853 00:40:11,208 --> 00:40:13,010 WOOO! 854 00:40:27,391 --> 00:40:27,858 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR "THE 855 00:40:27,925 --> 00:40:29,126 LATE SHOW." 856 00:40:29,193 --> 00:40:32,229 TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS WILL BE ADAM DRIVER AND AMERICA 857 00:40:32,296 --> 00:40:33,230 FERRERA. 858 00:40:33,297 --> 00:40:34,899 JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT. 859 00:40:34,965 --> 00:40:35,699 GOOD NIGHT.