1 00:00:01,334 --> 00:00:04,371 >> RIGHT NOW, THERE ARE GROUPS ON SOCIAL MEDIA URGING PEOPLE TO 2 00:00:04,437 --> 00:00:07,006 TRY AND UNDO THEIR VACCINES. 3 00:00:07,073 --> 00:00:10,977 SOME ARE PUSHING UNPROVEN AND POTENTIALLY DANGEROUS METHODS. 4 00:00:11,044 --> 00:00:13,546 >> PEOPLE ARE TRYING, IN VARIOUS DIFFERENT WAYS, INCLUDING 5 00:00:13,613 --> 00:00:18,485 FILLING BATHS UP WITH BORAX, LIKE THE CLEANING AGENT. 6 00:00:18,551 --> 00:00:20,887 >> THE MAGNETISM! 7 00:00:20,954 --> 00:00:23,523 THE IMPOTENCE! 8 00:00:23,590 --> 00:00:26,893 BUT FAUCI! 9 00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:31,531 BUT GIANT BALLS! 10 00:00:31,598 --> 00:00:34,701 BORAX, TAKE ME AWAY! 11 00:00:34,768 --> 00:00:38,738 >> SUCK OUT THE VACCINE IN THE LUXURY OF A BORAX BATH. 12 00:00:38,805 --> 00:00:42,275 BORAX REMOVES THE GOVERNMENT NANOBOTS FROM YOUR BLOODSTREAM. 13 00:00:42,342 --> 00:00:43,877 PLUS, YOU CAN ALSO USE IT TO CLEAN COOKWARE. 14 00:00:43,943 --> 00:00:47,313 >> I'M INSANE. 15 00:00:47,380 --> 00:00:50,450 T'S THE SAME SOAP J.F.K., JR. WOULD USE IF HE WERE ALIVE, 16 00:00:50,517 --> 00:00:51,351 WHICH HE IS. 17 00:00:51,418 --> 00:00:55,522 SO DETOX AFTER THE VAX WITH A BORAX BATH. 18 00:00:55,588 --> 00:00:59,159 BORAX, LOSE YOURSELF IN STUPIDITY. 19 00:00:59,225 --> 00:01:07,567 >> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW" WITH STEPHEN COLBERT! 20 00:01:07,634 --> 00:01:08,902 TONIGHT, BUILD BACK BETTER. 21 00:01:08,968 --> 00:01:19,412 PLUS STEPHEN WELCOMES PAUL RUDD AND MUSICAL GUEST STING, 22 00:01:19,479 --> 00:01:23,516 FEATURING JON BATISTE AND "STAY HUMAN." 23 00:01:23,583 --> 00:01:27,220 AND, NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK 24 00:01:27,287 --> 00:01:31,958 CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 25 00:01:32,025 --> 00:01:39,032 ( THEME SONG PLAYING ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 26 00:01:39,098 --> 00:01:42,302 >> Stephen: HEY! 27 00:01:42,368 --> 00:01:49,843 OH, WOW! 28 00:01:49,909 --> 00:01:50,877 HEY! 29 00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:52,145 WHAT'S UP? 30 00:01:52,212 --> 00:01:53,746 WHAT'S UP, SPARK ALSO? 31 00:01:53,813 --> 00:02:02,021 GOOD TO SEE YA. 32 00:02:02,088 --> 00:02:12,065 ( AUDIENCE CHANTING STEPHEN ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 33 00:02:12,131 --> 00:02:15,435 >> Stephen: THANK YOU! 34 00:02:15,502 --> 00:02:18,838 HEY, EVERYBODY! 35 00:02:18,905 --> 00:02:20,340 WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW." 36 00:02:20,406 --> 00:02:22,242 HELLO, CHRIS. 37 00:02:22,308 --> 00:02:26,779 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE HAVE A SEAT. 38 00:02:26,846 --> 00:02:31,050 WELCOME, ONE AND ALL, TO "THE LATE SHOW." 39 00:02:31,117 --> 00:02:34,787 I'M YOUR SHOWS, STEPHEN COLBERT, AND I AM COMING -- 40 00:02:34,854 --> 00:02:38,458 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) -- WE ARE BROADCASTING TO YOU ON 41 00:02:38,525 --> 00:02:39,592 AN HISTORIC NIGHT BECAUSE OUR NATION'S LEADERS WERE FINALLY 42 00:02:39,659 --> 00:02:41,861 ABLE TO ANSWER ONE OF THE THORNIEST QUESTIONS FACING OUR 43 00:02:41,928 --> 00:02:44,697 COUNTRY: SHOULD WE HAVE ROADS? 44 00:02:44,764 --> 00:02:47,867 ( LAUGHTER ) TODAY, PRESIDENT BIDEN SIGNED 45 00:02:47,934 --> 00:02:54,807 THE BIPARTISAN INFRASTRUCTURE BILL, SURROUNDED BY MEMBERS -- 46 00:02:54,874 --> 00:02:58,177 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) -- SURROUNDED BY MEMBERS OF 47 00:02:58,244 --> 00:02:59,846 BOTH PARTIES, BOB THE BUILDER THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE, AND 48 00:02:59,913 --> 00:03:00,980 TRUCKASAURUS. 49 00:03:01,047 --> 00:03:03,616 THIS BILL PROVIDES FUNDING FOR EVERYTHING THAT MAKES THIS 50 00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:05,852 COUNTRY GO: PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION, ROADS, BRIDGES, 51 00:03:05,919 --> 00:03:15,061 PORTS, RAILWAYS, POWER GRIDS, AND BROADBAND INTERNET. 52 00:03:15,128 --> 00:03:16,095 BROADBAND! 53 00:03:16,162 --> 00:03:17,864 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Jon: THAT'S EVERYTHING. 54 00:03:17,931 --> 00:03:23,202 >> Stephen: THAT MEANS, THANKS TO JOE BIDEN, MORE AMERICANS 55 00:03:23,269 --> 00:03:24,470 WILL HAVE ACCESS TO HIGH-SPEED INTERNET, WHICH 56 00:03:24,537 --> 00:03:26,706 MEANS QUICKER LOAD-TIMES FOR ALL THEIR QANON CONSPIRACY NEEDS. 57 00:03:26,773 --> 00:03:28,474 "I HEAR JOE BIDEN'S ACTUALLY A SACK OF FLOUR ALIENS PUT IN A 58 00:03:28,541 --> 00:03:32,178 SUIT." 59 00:03:32,245 --> 00:03:35,348 ( LAUGHTER ) FIXING ALL THAT CAN'T START SOON 60 00:03:35,415 --> 00:03:36,583 ENOUGH. 61 00:03:36,649 --> 00:03:39,786 AFTER DECADES OF INACTION, AT LEAST 45,000 BRIDGES NATIONWIDE 62 00:03:39,852 --> 00:03:46,192 ARE CURRENTLY RATED IN "POOR" CONDITION. 63 00:03:46,259 --> 00:03:47,860 WOW. 64 00:03:47,927 --> 00:03:50,697 FOLLOW-UP -- WHICH ONCE? 65 00:03:50,763 --> 00:03:52,465 ( LAUGHTER ) IS IT POSSIBLE FOR WAZE TO TELL 66 00:03:52,532 --> 00:03:53,833 US AHEAD OF TIME? 67 00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:56,469 >> TURN LEFT AND CROSS THE ROANOKE BRIDGE. 68 00:03:56,536 --> 00:03:59,539 BUT FIRST, YOU GOT TO ASK YOURSELF A QUESTION. 69 00:03:59,606 --> 00:04:00,039 DO YOU FEEL LUCKY? 70 00:04:00,106 --> 00:04:04,510 WELL, DO YOU, PUNK? 71 00:04:04,577 --> 00:04:06,312 >> STEPHEN: HERE'S THE THING: FUNDING ROADS AND BRIDGES DIDN'T 72 00:04:06,379 --> 00:04:08,481 USED TO BE SUCH A BIG DEAL. 73 00:04:08,548 --> 00:04:11,851 IN 1956, THE ORIGINAL LEGISLATION THAT CREATED THE 74 00:04:11,918 --> 00:04:15,989 INTERSTATE HIGHWAY SYSTEM HAD STRONG BIPARTISAN SUPPORT, 75 00:04:16,055 --> 00:04:19,525 BECAUSE AS THEN-PRESIDENT EISENHOWER FAMOUSLY SAID, "WHO 76 00:04:19,592 --> 00:04:23,396 DOESN'T WANNA GO VROOM VROOM REAL FAST?" 77 00:04:23,463 --> 00:04:24,597 BUT NOW, NOT SO MUCH. 78 00:04:24,664 --> 00:04:31,571 OUR POLITICS ARE SO PARTISAN AND BROKEN THAT THE G.O.P. HOUSE 79 00:04:31,638 --> 00:04:35,875 MEMBERS WHO VOTED IN FAVOR OF INFRASTRUCTURE WERE TARGETED BY 80 00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:37,243 THEIR OWN PARTY TO STRIP THEM OF THEIR HOUSE COMMITTEE 81 00:04:37,310 --> 00:04:39,879 ASSIGNMENTS AND EVEN GOT DEATH THREATS. 82 00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:43,950 OKAY, ARE WE JUST DEATH THREAT-ING EVERYTHING THESE 83 00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:45,151 DAYS? 84 00:04:45,218 --> 00:04:46,352 PRETTY SOON WE'RE GOING TO NEED A NEW GREETING CARD SECTION: 85 00:04:46,419 --> 00:04:50,823 "DEATH TO A SPECIAL NEPHEW ON HIS BIRTHDAY." 86 00:04:50,890 --> 00:04:53,559 PRESIDENT BIDEN NEEDS THIS INFRASTRUCTURE WIN RIGHT NOW, 87 00:04:53,626 --> 00:04:56,496 BECAUSE THE ONLY THING CRUMBLING FASTER THAN OUR ROADS IS HIS 88 00:04:56,562 --> 00:05:04,537 APPROVAL RATING, WHICH THE ABC/"WASHINGTON POST"/PILLSBURY 89 00:05:04,604 --> 00:05:08,474 TOASTER STRUDEL POLL JUST DROPPED TO A NEW LOW OF 41%, 90 00:05:08,541 --> 00:05:11,878 WHICH MEANS, IN TOTAL, HE'S LOST 11 POINTS IN APPROVAL SINCE 91 00:05:11,944 --> 00:05:13,012 SPRING. 92 00:05:13,079 --> 00:05:16,482 THE ONLY PERSON WITH APPROVAL PLUMMETING FASTER IS JAKE 93 00:05:16,549 --> 00:05:17,884 GYLLENHAAL. 94 00:05:17,950 --> 00:05:28,494 GIVE HER BACK HER SCARF, JAKE! 95 00:05:28,561 --> 00:05:32,498 BUT BIDEN'S NOT LETTING THINGS LIKE THE APPROVAL OF THE 96 00:05:32,565 --> 00:05:35,868 AMERICAN PEOPLE GET HIM DOWN, SAYING HE INTENDS TO RUN FOR 97 00:05:35,935 --> 00:05:40,339 REELECTION IN 2024, EVEN THOUGH HE'D BE 86 AT THE END OF 98 00:05:40,406 --> 00:05:41,507 HIS SECOND TERM. 99 00:05:41,574 --> 00:05:44,477 HE'D BE THE FIRST PRESIDENT TO SWITCH THE RED PHONE OVER TO 100 00:05:44,544 --> 00:05:48,481 CONSUMER CELLULAR. 101 00:05:48,548 --> 00:05:53,886 (AS OLD PERSON) "THIS BUTTON DIALS 9-1-1, THIS 102 00:05:53,953 --> 00:05:57,623 ONE DIALS MY GRANDSON, AND THIS ONE BOMBS IRAN. 103 00:05:57,690 --> 00:06:04,530 OOPS, I THINK I BOMBED MY GRANDSON. 104 00:06:04,597 --> 00:06:10,436 BETTER CALL 9-1-1!" IF BIDEN DOESN'T RUN, THE NEXT 105 00:06:10,503 --> 00:06:16,476 PERSON IN LINE WOULD BE VICE PRESIDENT KAMALA HARRIS. 106 00:06:16,542 --> 00:06:19,645 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I AGREE. 107 00:06:19,712 --> 00:06:20,813 LOVELY PERSON. 108 00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:22,915 ONLY ONE TEENSY PROBLEM: LAST WEEK, HER APPROVAL DIPPED TO 109 00:06:22,982 --> 00:06:24,150 28%. 110 00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:28,488 TO PUT THAT INTO PERSPECTIVE, THE MOVIE "BATMAN VS. SUPERMAN" 111 00:06:28,554 --> 00:06:30,623 HAS AN APPROVAL RATING OF 29%. 112 00:06:30,690 --> 00:06:32,091 ( LAUGHTER ) SO, KAMALA HARRIS IS ONE PERCENT 113 00:06:32,158 --> 00:06:36,596 LESS POPULAR THAN WATCHING TWO-AND-A-HALF HOURS OF BATMAN 114 00:06:36,662 --> 00:06:39,932 AND SUPERMAN WRESTLE EACH OTHER THEN REALIZE THEIR MOMS HAVE THE 115 00:06:39,999 --> 00:06:44,771 SAME FIRST NAME, SO THEY DECIDE TO BE FRIENDS. 116 00:06:44,837 --> 00:06:46,205 ( LAUGHTER ) PEOPLE CLOSE TO HARRIS SAY SHE'S 117 00:06:46,272 --> 00:06:48,608 FRUSTRATED WITH BIDEN FOR HANDING HER "NO-WIN" ISSUES LIKE 118 00:06:48,674 --> 00:06:52,979 THE BORDER CRISIS. 119 00:06:53,045 --> 00:06:54,147 WAIT, WHAT? 120 00:06:54,213 --> 00:06:54,714 YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT BEING VICE PRESIDENT IS A THANKLESS 121 00:06:54,781 --> 00:06:57,650 JOB WITH NO REAL POWER? 122 00:06:57,717 --> 00:07:00,620 YOUR RESPONSE, VICE PRESIDENT MEYER? 123 00:07:00,686 --> 00:07:03,656 >> YOU THINK? 124 00:07:03,723 --> 00:07:10,663 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 125 00:07:10,730 --> 00:07:12,298 YES, WHY DOESN'T SHE RUN? 126 00:07:12,365 --> 00:07:14,801 I WOULD VOTE FOR HER. 127 00:07:14,867 --> 00:07:17,203 >> STEPHEN: BUT HARRIS CLAIMS SHE'S NOT WORRIED ABOUT 2024 128 00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:18,604 RIGHT NOW, AND IS INSTEAD FOCUSED ON BEING "JOE BIDEN'S 129 00:07:18,671 --> 00:07:20,973 JOE BIDEN." 130 00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:29,215 OKAY, THAT SOUNDS RAMBLY AND REPETITIVE, SO... GOAL ACHIEVED. 131 00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:33,019 ( LAUGHTER ) OH, HEY -- HEY, YOU GUYS -- HEY, 132 00:07:33,085 --> 00:07:36,122 YOU GUYS REMEMBER JANUARY 6th? 133 00:07:36,189 --> 00:07:41,127 THERE MAY FINALLY BE SOME ACCOUNTABILITY FOR ATTEMPTING TO 134 00:07:41,194 --> 00:07:41,961 DESTROY DEMOCRACY. 135 00:07:42,028 --> 00:07:43,329 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) JUST A LITTLE. 136 00:07:43,396 --> 00:07:48,601 A LITTLE WOULD BE NICE. 137 00:07:48,668 --> 00:07:54,607 BECAUSE ON FRIDAY, A FEDERAL GRAND JURY 138 00:07:54,674 --> 00:07:57,210 INDICTED STEVE BANNON ON CONTEMPT CHARGES. 139 00:07:57,276 --> 00:08:02,648 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) IT'S REAL. 140 00:08:02,715 --> 00:08:05,952 STEVE BANNON -- STEVE BANNON MIGHT FINALLY FACE JUSTICE AND, 141 00:08:06,018 --> 00:08:12,525 IF HE GOES TO PRISON, FINALLY TAKE A SHOWER. 142 00:08:12,592 --> 00:08:13,759 ( LAUGHTER ) THIS MORNING, BANNON SURRENDERED 143 00:08:13,826 --> 00:08:15,394 TO THE F.B.I. IN WASHINGTON, AND DURING THE PERP WALK, HE SAID 144 00:08:15,461 --> 00:08:17,230 THIS: >> I JUST WANT TO SAY-- TELL 145 00:08:17,296 --> 00:08:18,698 EVERYBODY THAT LIVE STREAM ON GETTR RIGHT NOW. 146 00:08:18,764 --> 00:08:21,200 EVERYBODY WATCHING IN THE WAR ROOM, WE'RE HERE TODAY. 147 00:08:21,267 --> 00:08:23,269 I DON'T WANT ANYBODY TO TAKE THEIR EYE OFF THE BALL OF WHAT 148 00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:24,604 WE DO EVERY DAY. 149 00:08:24,670 --> 00:08:25,838 OKAY? 150 00:08:25,905 --> 00:08:28,941 YOU GOT RAHEEM KASSAM TODAY, YOU GOT DR. PETER NAVARRO, CAPTAIN 151 00:08:29,008 --> 00:08:30,176 BANNON. 152 00:08:30,243 --> 00:08:35,681 >> STEPHEN: HE DID A PROMO FOR HIS PODCAST ON HIS WAY TO JAIL. 153 00:08:35,748 --> 00:08:40,519 REMINDS ME OF THAT PRESS POOL WITH LEE HARVEY OSWALD: 154 00:08:40,586 --> 00:08:42,622 >> I'D JUST LIKE TO SAY "I AM A PATSY," AND THE HOST OF "BIG LEE 155 00:08:42,688 --> 00:08:47,660 HARVEY'S MORNING ZOO CREW WITH CASTRO AND THE GOOCH!" 156 00:08:47,727 --> 00:08:48,394 >> THE GOOCH! 157 00:08:48,461 --> 00:08:51,530 (BOING) (TOILET FLUSHING) 158 00:08:51,597 --> 00:08:54,000 >> Stephen: YOU NEVER HEAR ABOUT THAT. 159 00:08:54,066 --> 00:08:55,301 NOBODY TALKS ABOUT THAT PART. 160 00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:56,302 >> Jon: HMM. 161 00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:58,537 >> Stephen: NOW, THIS IS A VERY 162 00:08:58,604 --> 00:08:59,739 COMPLICATED LEGAL CASE. 163 00:08:59,805 --> 00:09:00,907 LET'S SEE IF I CAN BREAK IT DOWN FOR YOU: CONGRESS SUBPOENAED 164 00:09:00,973 --> 00:09:05,244 BANNON TO TESTIFY. 165 00:09:05,311 --> 00:09:08,881 HE SAID NO, AND THAT'S ILLEGAL ( LAUGHTER ) 166 00:09:08,948 --> 00:09:12,218 OKAY, IT'S LESS COMPLICATED THAN I THOUGHT. 167 00:09:12,285 --> 00:09:16,889 BANNON REFUSED TO TESTIFY BECAUSE THE FORMER PRESIDENT 168 00:09:16,956 --> 00:09:20,326 DIRECTED HIM "NOT TO PRODUCE DOCUMENTS OR GIVE TESTIMONY THAT 169 00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:21,460 MIGHT REVEAL INFORMATION." 170 00:09:21,527 --> 00:09:24,597 AND NOW, BANNON'S FACING UP TO TWO YEARS IN PRISON OUT OF 171 00:09:24,664 --> 00:09:27,033 LOYALTY. 172 00:09:27,099 --> 00:09:28,100 TO THIS GUY. 173 00:09:28,167 --> 00:09:29,535 WHICH IS SURPRISING CONSIDERING THE FORMER PRESIDENT 174 00:09:29,602 --> 00:09:33,205 ONCE TWEETED, "SLOPPY STEVE BANNON CRIED WHEN HE GOT FIRED 175 00:09:33,272 --> 00:09:35,741 AND BEGGED FOR HIS JOB. 176 00:09:35,808 --> 00:09:37,209 NOW SLOPPY STEVE HAS BEEN DUMPED LIKE A DOG BY ALMOST EVERYONE. 177 00:09:37,276 --> 00:09:42,748 TOO BAD!" ( LAUGHTER ) 178 00:09:42,815 --> 00:09:48,621 SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT -- THAT THE GUY YOU'RE GOING TO 179 00:09:48,688 --> 00:09:50,289 JAIL FOR? 180 00:09:50,356 --> 00:09:54,627 STEVE, MEET ME AT THE "HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU CAM." 181 00:09:54,694 --> 00:10:00,132 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 182 00:10:00,199 --> 00:10:01,334 STEVE, DID YOU HEAR WHAT HE SAID ABOUT YOU THE SECOND IT WAS 183 00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:04,937 CONVENIENT? 184 00:10:05,004 --> 00:10:05,538 RESPECT YOURSELF AND MOVE ON. 185 00:10:05,604 --> 00:10:08,474 LOOK AT YOU. 186 00:10:08,541 --> 00:10:10,843 NO, DON'T DO THAT. 187 00:10:10,910 --> 00:10:12,611 DON'T DO THAT. 188 00:10:12,678 --> 00:10:15,514 ( LAUGHTER ) LOOK, I KNOW YOU MISS HIM, BUT 189 00:10:15,581 --> 00:10:17,216 THERE ARE PLENTY OF OTHER DICTATORS IN THE SEA! 190 00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:18,617 PLUS YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO GET BACK THE SCARF THAT YOU LEFT AT 191 00:10:18,684 --> 00:10:20,653 HIS SISTER'S HOUSE. 192 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:23,456 AND YES, I MAY HAVE LISTENED TO "RED: TAYLOR'S VERSION" TOO MUCH 193 00:10:23,522 --> 00:10:24,657 THIS WEEKEND. 194 00:10:24,724 --> 00:10:29,228 POINT IS, THERE'S NO NEED TO GO TO JAIL FOR JAKE GYLLENHAAL. 195 00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:32,064 I MEAN THE FORMER PRESIDENT. 196 00:10:32,131 --> 00:10:33,032 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 197 00:10:33,099 --> 00:10:34,400 I LISTEN TO IT A LOT. 198 00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:41,974 NOT EVERYONE B, CLEARLY. 199 00:10:42,041 --> 00:10:43,109 ( APPLAUSE ) CONGRESS SUBPOENAED BANNON TO 200 00:10:43,175 --> 00:10:45,211 HEAR ABOUT THE LEAD UP TO JANUARY 6 AND THE BEHAVIOR OF 201 00:10:45,277 --> 00:10:48,614 FORMER PRESIDENT, DINGUS CON. 202 00:10:48,681 --> 00:10:51,083 ( LAUGHTER ) AND WE'RE LEARNING MORE ABOUT IT 203 00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:54,620 EVERY DAY THANKS TO JONATHAN KARL'S BOOK "BETRAYAL." 204 00:10:54,687 --> 00:10:57,289 KARL JUST RELEASED AUDIO OF A CONVERSATION FOR THE BOOK IN 205 00:10:57,356 --> 00:11:00,626 WHICH THE FORMER PRESIDENT CONFIRMS HE CALLED MIKE PENCE 206 00:11:00,693 --> 00:11:02,061 THE P-WORD. 207 00:11:02,128 --> 00:11:03,229 >> THERE WAS A REPORT, EXCUSE MY LANGUAGE. 208 00:11:03,295 --> 00:11:03,996 >> GO AHEAD. 209 00:11:04,063 --> 00:11:05,264 >> NOT MINE, IT WAS IN THE REPORT. 210 00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:06,599 >> YEAH. 211 00:11:06,665 --> 00:11:08,134 >> THAT YOU TALKED TO HIM THAT MORNING AND YOU SAID, YOU CAN BE 212 00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:09,769 A PATRIOT OR YOU CAN BE A (BLEEP). 213 00:11:09,835 --> 00:11:12,638 DID YOU REALLY SAY THAT, OR IS THAT INCORRECT? 214 00:11:12,705 --> 00:11:13,205 >> I WOULDN'T DISPUTE IT. 215 00:11:13,272 --> 00:11:17,209 >> REALLY? 216 00:11:17,276 --> 00:11:20,646 >> I WOULDN'T DISPUTE IT. 217 00:11:20,713 --> 00:11:21,781 ( LAUGHTER ) >> STEPHEN: WE ALL KNOW THAT THE 218 00:11:21,847 --> 00:11:24,617 WORD FOR SOMEONE WHO DOES EXACTLY WHAT THEIR BULLY TELLS 219 00:11:24,683 --> 00:11:27,453 THEM TO DO: PATRIOT. 220 00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:29,155 ( LAUGHTER ) KARL ALSO ASKED THE FORMER 221 00:11:29,221 --> 00:11:30,623 PRESIDENT IF HE WAS WORRIED ABOUT HIS VEEP DURING THE 222 00:11:30,689 --> 00:11:33,225 ATTACK ON THE CAPITAL: >> WERE YOU WORRIED ABOUT HIM 223 00:11:33,292 --> 00:11:34,126 DURING THAT SIEGE? 224 00:11:34,193 --> 00:11:35,261 WERE YOU WORRIED ABOUT HIS SAFETY? 225 00:11:35,327 --> 00:11:36,495 >> NO. 226 00:11:36,562 --> 00:11:37,229 I THOUGHT HE WAS WELL PROTECTED, AND I HAD HEARD THAT HE WAS IN 227 00:11:37,296 --> 00:11:38,831 GOOD SHAPE. 228 00:11:38,898 --> 00:11:41,233 >> STEPHEN: OF COURSE HE WAS IN GOOD SHAPE. 229 00:11:41,300 --> 00:11:45,204 RUNNING AWAY FROM A MOB IS EXCELLENT CARDIO. 230 00:11:45,271 --> 00:11:46,072 KARL CONTINUED. 231 00:11:46,138 --> 00:11:47,773 >> BECAUSE YOU HEARD THOSE CHANTS. 232 00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:48,874 THAT WAS TERRIBLE. 233 00:11:48,941 --> 00:11:51,877 I MEAN, YOU KNOW, THOSE-- >> HE COULD HAVE-- WELL, THE 234 00:11:51,944 --> 00:11:52,711 PEOPLE WERE VERY ANGRY. 235 00:11:52,778 --> 00:11:53,379 >> THEY WERE SAYING "HANG MIKE PENCE." 236 00:11:53,446 --> 00:11:54,613 >> BECAUSE IT'S COMMON SENSE. 237 00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:57,216 >> STEPHEN: OH, YEAH, IT'S JUST COMMON SENSE. 238 00:11:57,283 --> 00:12:00,486 WE ALL REMEMBER THE SIGN IN DAD'S WORK SHOP. 239 00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:05,124 "MEASURE TWICE, HANG MIKE PENCE." 240 00:12:05,191 --> 00:12:06,625 ( LAUGHTER ) BUT KARL'S ISN'T THE ONLY NEW 241 00:12:06,692 --> 00:12:09,095 BOOK SPILLING THE TEA. 242 00:12:09,161 --> 00:12:12,598 FORMER NEW JERSEY GOVERNOR CHRIS CHRISTIE HAS WRITTEN ONE CALLED 243 00:12:12,665 --> 00:12:15,901 "REPUBLICAN RESCUE: SAVING THE PARTY FROM TRUTH DENIERS 244 00:12:15,968 --> 00:12:17,203 CONSPIRACY THEORISTS, AND THE DANGEROUS POLICIES OF JOE 245 00:12:17,269 --> 00:12:20,773 BIDEN." 246 00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:24,577 ONE OF THOSE THREATS IS NOT LIKE THE OTHERS. 247 00:12:24,643 --> 00:12:29,215 "WE MUST STAND UP AGAINST ANTI-VAXXERS, QANON FOLLOWERS, 248 00:12:29,281 --> 00:12:30,616 AND RURAL BROADBAND." 249 00:12:30,683 --> 00:12:33,452 ( LAUGHTER ) IN THE BOOK, CHRISTIE REVEALS 250 00:12:33,519 --> 00:12:36,622 THE SEVERITY OF HIS OWN CORONAVIRUS INFECTION, ONE HE 251 00:12:36,689 --> 00:12:40,226 CAUGHT AFTER BEING AT THE WHITE HOUSE AROUND THE SAME TIME THAT 252 00:12:40,292 --> 00:12:42,595 THE EX-PRESIDENT AND SEVERAL OTHER AIDES CONTRACTED COVID-19. 253 00:12:42,661 --> 00:12:43,662 MAKES SENSE. 254 00:12:43,729 --> 00:12:45,197 YOU HANG AROUND THAT WHITE HOUSE, YOU'RE GOING TO GET 255 00:12:45,264 --> 00:12:48,601 EXPOSED TO SOME NASTY STUFF. 256 00:12:48,667 --> 00:12:50,402 ALSO, COVID. 257 00:12:50,469 --> 00:12:52,004 ( LAUGHTER ) WHILE HOSPITALIZED, CHRISTIE GOT 258 00:12:52,071 --> 00:12:54,607 A CALL FROM THE FORMER PRESIDENT WHO DIDN'T ASK HOW HE WAS DOING 259 00:12:54,673 --> 00:13:00,646 BUT INSTEAD ASKED, "ARE YOU GONNA SAY YOU GOT IT FROM ME?" 260 00:13:00,713 --> 00:13:02,781 ( AUDIENCE REACTS ) THAT'S A HELL OF A FRIEND. 261 00:13:02,848 --> 00:13:04,617 IT'S LIKE SIGNING SOMEONE'S CAST, "TELL ANYONE I THREW YOU 262 00:13:04,683 --> 00:13:08,254 DOWN THE STAIRS, AND I'LL BREAK THE OTHER ARM." 263 00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:09,221 ( LAUGHTER ) WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU 264 00:13:09,288 --> 00:13:11,490 TONIGHT. 265 00:13:11,557 --> 00:13:12,625 MY GUEST IS PAUL RUDD. 266 00:13:12,691 --> 00:13:15,561 PLUS A PERFORMANCE BY STING. 267 00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:19,999 ♪♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 268 00:13:42,288 --> 00:13:53,432 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING ) 269 00:13:53,499 --> 00:13:56,168 >> Stephen: JON BATISTE AND "STAY HUMAN"! 270 00:13:56,235 --> 00:14:01,473 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) OH, MY GOODNESS. 271 00:14:01,540 --> 00:14:04,810 OH, MY GOODNESS. 272 00:14:04,877 --> 00:14:06,979 WHAT'S UP? 273 00:14:07,046 --> 00:14:09,415 GOOD TO SEE YOU. 274 00:14:09,481 --> 00:14:12,918 JON, WE HAVE SUCH A WONDERMENT OF GUESTS THIS EVENING. 275 00:14:12,985 --> 00:14:14,019 >> I KNOW. 276 00:14:14,086 --> 00:14:17,356 >> Stephen: WE'RE STARTING OFF TONIGHT STRONG AND HOT. 277 00:14:17,423 --> 00:14:18,591 >> OH, YEAH. 278 00:14:18,657 --> 00:14:28,601 >> Stephen: WITH PEOPLES SEXIEST MAN ALIVE MR. PAUL RUDD 279 00:14:28,667 --> 00:14:29,568 HERE. 280 00:14:29,635 --> 00:14:30,803 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Jon: THERE YOU GO. 281 00:14:30,869 --> 00:14:32,771 >> Stephen: WE'VE HAD TO HAVE THE COUCH SCOTCH GUARDED JUST SO 282 00:14:32,838 --> 00:14:36,542 WE CAN HOSE OFF THE SEXY AFTERWARDS. 283 00:14:36,609 --> 00:14:37,676 >> Jon: THAT'S TRUE. 284 00:14:37,743 --> 00:14:41,313 >> Stephen: NOT ONLY THAT, THEN AFTER THAT WE HAVE STING 285 00:14:41,380 --> 00:14:44,216 HERE TONIGHT. 286 00:14:44,283 --> 00:14:49,054 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) SOMEHOW -- 287 00:14:49,121 --> 00:14:50,956 >> Jon: SOMEHOW THE SAME NIGHT. 288 00:14:51,023 --> 00:14:54,226 >> Stephen: -- SOMEHOW NOT THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE. 289 00:14:54,293 --> 00:14:55,427 >> Jon: RIGHT. 290 00:14:55,494 --> 00:14:58,631 >> Stephen: AND I'VE SEEN HIM IN THE FLESH, THE MAN IS STILL 291 00:14:58,697 --> 00:14:58,998 VERY SEXY. 292 00:14:59,064 --> 00:15:00,032 >> Jon: YES. 293 00:15:00,099 --> 00:15:02,368 >> Stephen: SO WE'RE GOING TO HAVE SEXY OVERLOAD. 294 00:15:02,434 --> 00:15:06,772 WE NEED STRUCTURAL ENGINEERS BROUGHT IN HERE JUST TO CHECK 295 00:15:06,839 --> 00:15:08,674 OUT THE SEXY -- RAFTERS. 296 00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:13,746 ( LAUGHTER ) NO, NO, BUT, HEY, LISTEN, JON, 297 00:15:13,812 --> 00:15:14,947 ALSO, HAVE YOU CHECKED OUT "THE LATE SHOW" PODCAST? 298 00:15:15,014 --> 00:15:16,181 >> Jon: YES, IT'S THE SHOW. 299 00:15:16,248 --> 00:15:20,219 >> Stephen: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW" BUT A PODCAST. 300 00:15:20,286 --> 00:15:25,391 >> Jon: YES, THE "LATE SHOW" POD SHOW. 301 00:15:25,457 --> 00:15:28,527 >> Stephen: IT'S AVAILABLE BURNING UP THE CHARTS. 302 00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:32,998 HERE'S THE THING -- THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE RIGHT NOW WHO ARE, 303 00:15:33,065 --> 00:15:35,234 TOMORROW, LISTENING TO OUR CONVERSATION RIGHT NOW ABOUT 304 00:15:35,301 --> 00:15:38,003 THERE BEING A PODCAST ON THE PODCAST. 305 00:15:38,070 --> 00:15:40,439 THEY'RE ALL GOING, YEAH, WE KNOW IT'S A PODCAST. 306 00:15:40,506 --> 00:15:42,308 I'M LISTENING TO THE PODCAST RIGHT NOW. 307 00:15:42,374 --> 00:15:43,242 GET ON WITH THE SHOW. 308 00:15:43,309 --> 00:15:45,077 >> Jon: I LIKE THAT. 309 00:15:45,144 --> 00:15:49,448 >> Stephen: AM I ALLOWED TO TALK TO JON ABOUT THE BEATLES 310 00:15:49,515 --> 00:15:50,215 THING. 311 00:15:50,282 --> 00:15:50,649 >> NO. 312 00:15:50,716 --> 00:15:53,519 >> Stephen: WHY? 313 00:15:53,585 --> 00:15:57,222 DID YOU SIGN AN NDA. 314 00:15:57,289 --> 00:16:02,261 >> Stephen: NO, BUT I'M NOT GOING TO SAY ANYTHING. 315 00:16:02,328 --> 00:16:06,332 PAUL -- I WATCHED THE ENTIRE BEATLES GET BACK THAT PETER 316 00:16:06,398 --> 00:16:08,767 JACKSON CUT THIS WEEKEND. 317 00:16:08,834 --> 00:16:11,770 LORDY HAVE MERCY, I WANT TOT WATCH IT WITH A MUSICIAN. 318 00:16:11,837 --> 00:16:13,372 IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL, INTIMATE. 319 00:16:13,439 --> 00:16:15,441 A, I LOVE THE BEATLES. 320 00:16:15,507 --> 00:16:19,078 B, I LOVE PROCESS, WATCHING HOW THINGS GET MADE. 321 00:16:19,144 --> 00:16:25,117 C, I LOVE HOW IT MAKES THESE GREAT ARTISTS SO COMPLEXLY AND 322 00:16:25,184 --> 00:16:29,288 MESSILY HUMAN WITH EACH OTHER. 323 00:16:29,355 --> 00:16:30,255 >> MMM. 324 00:16:30,322 --> 00:16:32,157 >> Stephen: AND HOW MUCH THEY LOVE EACH OTHER. 325 00:16:32,224 --> 00:16:43,202 IT'S GOING TO REWRITE HOW THE BEATLES -- DO YOU KNOW BILLY 326 00:16:43,268 --> 00:16:46,972 PRESTON WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE ON AWAY. 327 00:16:47,039 --> 00:16:49,942 >> Jon: WAIT, WAIT, WHAT? 328 00:16:50,008 --> 00:16:51,143 >> Stephen: WHAT? 329 00:16:51,210 --> 00:16:54,780 BILIPRESTON WASN'T EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE ON THE ALBUM. 330 00:16:54,847 --> 00:16:58,784 HE WAS STOPPING BY BECAUSE HE WAS A FRIEND OF GEORGE 331 00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:00,052 HARRISONS. 332 00:17:00,119 --> 00:17:02,755 HE JUST WALKS IN AND THEY WERE, LIKE, HEY, WE WERE TALKING ABOUT 333 00:17:02,821 --> 00:17:11,764 WE NEED PIANO BUT WE'RE DOING IT LIVE SO WE CAN'T DO OVERDUB, WE 334 00:17:11,830 --> 00:17:14,166 NEED PIANO, COULD YOU PLAY? 335 00:17:14,233 --> 00:17:17,469 HE SAID, SURE. 336 00:17:17,536 --> 00:17:20,639 LOTS OF SMOKING THERE. 337 00:17:20,706 --> 00:17:23,609 THEY SAID, GREAT, YOU'RE IN THE BAND. 338 00:17:23,675 --> 00:17:26,779 COULD YOU BE HERE THE REST OF THE MONTH WORKING WITH US? 339 00:17:26,845 --> 00:17:30,616 HE GOES, LIKE THAT, AND HE CHANGES THE ENTIRE ATMOSPHERE OF 340 00:17:30,682 --> 00:17:31,283 THE BAND. 341 00:17:31,350 --> 00:17:32,551 HE ELEVATES EVERYTHING. 342 00:17:32,618 --> 00:17:34,653 IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL TO WATCH. 343 00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:36,121 YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE IT. 344 00:17:36,188 --> 00:17:36,622 >> Jon: MAN... 345 00:17:36,688 --> 00:17:38,223 I NEED TO SEE THAT. 346 00:17:38,290 --> 00:17:38,757 CAN YOU SHARE IT? 347 00:17:38,824 --> 00:17:41,360 >> Stephen: I CANNOT. 348 00:17:41,427 --> 00:17:45,864 BECAUSE THEM DISNEY + ( BLEEP ARE SERIOUS. 349 00:17:45,931 --> 00:17:46,765 I'M NOT JOKING. 350 00:17:46,832 --> 00:17:49,368 >> Jon: DISNEY +. 351 00:17:49,435 --> 00:17:55,607 >> Stephen: AND NOT ONLY -- ( LAUGHTER ) 352 00:17:55,674 --> 00:17:58,310 NOT ONLY DO YOU HAVE TO GET A LINK AND THEN YOU HAVE TO SIGN 353 00:17:58,377 --> 00:18:03,882 IN WITH A SPECIAL CODE THAT YOU HAVE SIGNED UP WITH AND THEN 354 00:18:03,949 --> 00:18:07,619 THAT GOES TO A SPECIAL CODE GOES TO SOMEONE ELSE AND THAT PERSON 355 00:18:07,686 --> 00:18:11,857 HAS TO TEXT IT TO YOU WITHIN 30 SECONDS OF THEM RECEIVING IT, 356 00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:17,329 YOU'VE GOT TO GET IT AND PUT IT IN AND WATCH IT, BUT GOD HELP 357 00:18:17,396 --> 00:18:20,632 YOU IF YOU PAUSE BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO DO IT OVER AGAIN AND YOU 358 00:18:20,699 --> 00:18:23,469 HAVE TO SIGN AN NDA. 359 00:18:23,535 --> 00:18:24,670 I'VE NEVER GONE TO WATCH SOMETHING AND AN NDA CAME UP AND 360 00:18:24,736 --> 00:18:30,375 I HAD TO LEGALLY SIGN IT, SO YOU WON'T GO ON TV AND TELL JON 361 00:18:30,442 --> 00:18:35,581 BATISTE THAT BILLY PRESTON WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE ON THE 362 00:18:35,647 --> 00:18:36,081 ALBUM. 363 00:18:36,148 --> 00:18:41,119 HAVE I JUST -- WHAT? 364 00:18:41,186 --> 00:18:43,989 OKAY, SO AM I SUED OR FIRED? 365 00:18:44,056 --> 00:18:45,324 WHICH OF THE TWO? 366 00:18:45,390 --> 00:18:46,525 ALL RIGHT. 367 00:18:46,592 --> 00:18:49,595 WELL, LISTEN, I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT, PLEASE, EVERYONE GO 368 00:18:49,661 --> 00:18:50,829 WATCH IT. 369 00:18:50,896 --> 00:18:53,999 >> Jon: SOUND LIKE THEY GOT A LOT OF FOOT AN, A LOT OF ACCESS. 370 00:18:54,066 --> 00:18:55,567 >> Stephen: 57 HOURS. 371 00:18:55,634 --> 00:18:56,468 >> Jon: 57 HOURS. 372 00:18:56,535 --> 00:18:59,171 >> Stephen: CUT DOWN TO ABOUT EIGHT HOURS. 373 00:18:59,238 --> 00:19:00,339 >> Jon: MAN. 374 00:19:00,405 --> 00:19:02,140 >> Stephen: SO BEAUTIFUL TO SEE PAUL COME IN FOR THE FIRST 375 00:19:02,207 --> 00:19:09,248 TIME AND GO, WELL, I WROTE THIS LAST NIGHT, SEE IF YOU LIKE IT. 376 00:19:09,314 --> 00:19:14,853 ♪ WHEN I FIND MYSELF IN TIMES OF TROUBLE -- ♪ 377 00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:19,658 AND WE WANT TO SCREAM IT'S THE GREATEST SONG EVER, EVERYBODY 378 00:19:19,725 --> 00:19:21,026 SHUT UP AND LISTEN! 379 00:19:21,093 --> 00:19:24,162 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Jon: THAT'S A GIFT TO THE 380 00:19:24,229 --> 00:19:25,097 CREATORS. 381 00:19:25,163 --> 00:19:26,198 >> Stephen: WE SHOULD DO A COMMERCIAL BREAK? 382 00:19:26,265 --> 00:19:29,768 ALL RIGHT, BACK WITH THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE, PAUL RUDD. 383 00:19:29,835 --> 00:19:30,969 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING ) 384 00:19:43,482 --> 00:19:49,154 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING ) 385 00:19:49,221 --> 00:19:51,690 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 386 00:19:51,757 --> 00:19:57,696 WELCOME BACK! 387 00:19:57,763 --> 00:20:02,200 OH, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN -- GET BACK! 388 00:20:02,267 --> 00:20:04,603 SIT BACK! 389 00:20:04,670 --> 00:20:05,771 RELAX. 390 00:20:05,837 --> 00:20:10,742 PUT ON YOUR WEIGHTED BLANKET BECAUSE MY GUEST TONIGHT IS A 391 00:20:10,809 --> 00:20:17,149 FUNNY ACTOR A MARVEL SUPERHERO AND JUST LAST WEEK HE WAS NAMED 392 00:20:17,215 --> 00:20:19,518 "PEOPLE" MAGAZINE'S SEXIEST MAN ALIVE. 393 00:20:19,585 --> 00:20:32,698 PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," PAUL RUDD! 394 00:20:32,764 --> 00:20:42,741 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING ) 395 00:20:42,808 --> 00:21:02,260 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING ) 396 00:21:02,327 --> 00:21:06,231 >> OH, PLEASE -- THANK YOU. 397 00:21:06,298 --> 00:21:14,740 THANK YOU. 398 00:21:14,806 --> 00:21:17,042 REALLY, YOU ARE TOO KIND. 399 00:21:17,109 --> 00:21:17,609 THANK YOU. 400 00:21:17,676 --> 00:21:18,243 THANK YOU. 401 00:21:18,310 --> 00:21:19,177 THANK YOU. 402 00:21:19,244 --> 00:21:21,680 >> Stephen: STANDING OVATION. 403 00:21:21,747 --> 00:21:22,147 WOW. 404 00:21:22,214 --> 00:21:22,714 >> Stephen: YEAH. 405 00:21:22,781 --> 00:21:24,716 I MEAN, I'M BLOWN AWAY. 406 00:21:24,783 --> 00:21:25,951 BLOWN AWAY! 407 00:21:26,018 --> 00:21:30,055 >> Stephen: BY LAW, YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO SIT WHILE THE SEXIEST 408 00:21:30,122 --> 00:21:32,290 MAN IS STANDING. 409 00:21:32,357 --> 00:21:32,924 >> OH. 410 00:21:32,991 --> 00:21:35,227 >> Stephen: CONGRATULATIONS. 411 00:21:35,293 --> 00:21:36,361 CONGRATULATIONS. 412 00:21:36,428 --> 00:21:40,098 HAS BEING NAMED "PEOPLE" MAGAZINE'S SEXIEST MAN ALIVE -- 413 00:21:40,165 --> 00:21:42,234 WE HAVE IT RIGHT HERE. 414 00:21:42,300 --> 00:21:46,638 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME. 415 00:21:46,705 --> 00:21:49,041 PLEASE, I DON'T WANT TO MAKE A BIG DEAL OF THIS THING! 416 00:21:49,107 --> 00:21:51,476 >> Stephen: SO IT HASN'T CHANGED YOU AT ALL? 417 00:21:51,543 --> 00:21:52,377 >> NO, NO, NO. 418 00:21:52,444 --> 00:21:55,547 >> Stephen: STILL THE SAME GUY? 419 00:21:55,614 --> 00:21:58,617 >> LOOK, YOU KNOW, I'M JUST HONORED TO BE RECOGNIZED FOR 420 00:21:58,684 --> 00:22:03,488 SOMETHING BESIDES MY TALENT AND HUMILITY. 421 00:22:03,555 --> 00:22:04,523 >> Stephen: MM-HMM. 422 00:22:04,589 --> 00:22:06,692 WELL, THERE HAVE BEEN A LOT OF HEADLINES ABOUT IT. 423 00:22:06,758 --> 00:22:07,959 THERE'S BEEN A LOT OF REACTION. 424 00:22:08,026 --> 00:22:09,695 IT'S ONE OF THOSE THINGS. 425 00:22:09,761 --> 00:22:13,365 THIS IS ONE OF THE REASONS I WAS SO EXCITED TO PARTNER WITH YOU 426 00:22:13,432 --> 00:22:20,205 FOR THIS ANNOUNCEMENT NEXT WEEK IS -- PLEASE, MAKE YOURSELF FEEL 427 00:22:20,272 --> 00:22:20,872 COMFORTABLE. 428 00:22:20,939 --> 00:22:22,441 >> FEELS RUDE TO WEAR A TIARA. 429 00:22:22,507 --> 00:22:26,545 >> Stephen: I'LL PUT THIS IN THE BOX DOWN HERE. 430 00:22:26,611 --> 00:22:28,747 THANK YOU. 431 00:22:28,814 --> 00:22:29,815 >> LEAVE IT ON? 432 00:22:29,881 --> 00:22:32,284 >> Stephen: IF THEY'RE GOOD, YOU CAN PUT IT BACK ON. 433 00:22:32,350 --> 00:22:33,685 >> ALL RIGHT. 434 00:22:33,752 --> 00:22:36,254 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: IT'S ODDLY ONE OF 435 00:22:36,321 --> 00:22:39,324 THE THINGS THAT EVERYONE STILL CARES ABOUT. 436 00:22:39,391 --> 00:22:44,296 LIKE THE "TIME" MAN OF THE YEAR, WHO GIVES A DAMN, BUT SEXIEST 437 00:22:44,362 --> 00:22:48,934 MAN ALIVE, I IT STILL HAS A CULTURAL IMPACT. 438 00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:52,904 FIRST OF ALL, I'VE GOT TO ASK YOU, THE BIG QUESTION IS HOW DO 439 00:22:52,971 --> 00:22:57,409 YOU BECOME THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE OTHER THAN BEING SEXY? 440 00:22:57,476 --> 00:22:58,810 HOW DO YOU FIND OUT? 441 00:22:58,877 --> 00:23:01,980 >> I FOUND OUT I GOT AN EMAIL ABOUT IT, AND I -- 442 00:23:02,047 --> 00:23:03,215 >> Stephen: A COLD EMAIL. 443 00:23:03,281 --> 00:23:04,149 OUT OF THE BLUE. 444 00:23:04,216 --> 00:23:08,186 >> Stephen: YOU DIDN'T LOBBY FOR THIS? 445 00:23:08,253 --> 00:23:08,620 >> NO! 446 00:23:08,687 --> 00:23:09,087 IT WAS SHOCKING. 447 00:23:09,154 --> 00:23:10,255 I HAD TO READ IT. 448 00:23:10,322 --> 00:23:11,423 I SAID, WHAT? 449 00:23:11,490 --> 00:23:12,224 I READ IT. 450 00:23:12,290 --> 00:23:14,226 >> Stephen: WHAT DOES IT SAY? 451 00:23:14,292 --> 00:23:21,266 IT SAYS, WELL, CONGRATULATIONS, THERE'S BEEN AN 452 00:23:21,333 --> 00:23:23,401 ERROR IN THE JUDGING -- >> Stephen: NOT AT ALL. 453 00:23:23,468 --> 00:23:26,605 -- BUT SOMEHOW -- >> Stephen: NOT AT ALL. 454 00:23:26,671 --> 00:23:27,639 NOT AT ALL. 455 00:23:27,706 --> 00:23:32,310 LOOK, THIS IS THE GUARDIAN, DO YOU FANCY PAUL RUDD? 456 00:23:32,377 --> 00:23:36,248 YOU'RE EITHER A SOCIOPATH OR A LIAR IF YOU SAY NO. 457 00:23:36,314 --> 00:23:37,382 COME ON. 458 00:23:37,449 --> 00:23:41,253 >> I WOULD LIKE TO THANK THE GUARDIAN, FIRST OF ALL, FOR 459 00:23:41,319 --> 00:23:43,655 HIRING MY MOM. 460 00:23:43,722 --> 00:23:44,756 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: REALLY? 461 00:23:44,823 --> 00:23:50,228 YOU WANT YOUR MOM TO SAY YOU'RE THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE? 462 00:23:50,295 --> 00:23:52,063 >> WELL -- NO. 463 00:23:52,130 --> 00:23:54,833 ( LAUGHTER ) YOU KNOW, THE GUARDIAN, THAT'S 464 00:23:54,900 --> 00:23:55,400 VERY NICE. 465 00:23:55,467 --> 00:23:56,635 >> Stephen: YEAH. 466 00:23:56,701 --> 00:24:03,708 IF YOU READ AN ARTICLE BY THE GUARDIAN -- IF YOU EVER READ AN 467 00:24:03,775 --> 00:24:06,578 ARDIAN BY -- >> Stephen: THAT'S WHAT 468 00:24:06,645 --> 00:24:07,846 THEY'RE CALLED. 469 00:24:07,913 --> 00:24:11,716 >> I KNOW BECAUSE I'VE READ THEM ONLINE AND AFTERWARD THEY SAY IF 470 00:24:11,783 --> 00:24:17,289 YOU WOULD LIKE TO HELP CONTRIBUTE TO JOURNALISM FOR THE 471 00:24:17,355 --> 00:24:17,923 GUARDIAN WE WOULD APPRECIATE IT. 472 00:24:17,989 --> 00:24:20,392 I THINK EVERYBODY SHOULD. 473 00:24:20,458 --> 00:24:21,526 I WILL. 474 00:24:21,593 --> 00:24:23,061 >> Stephen: THE NEW YORK POST-, I WANT TO POINT OUT, SAID 475 00:24:23,128 --> 00:24:26,231 CHRIS EVANS WAS GOING TO BE THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE. 476 00:24:26,298 --> 00:24:27,699 YOU HEARD ABOUT THIS? 477 00:24:27,766 --> 00:24:29,334 >> WELL, THAT CERTAINLY MAKES SENSE, BUT I -- 478 00:24:29,401 --> 00:24:32,404 >> Stephen: THEY SAID THEY HAD MULTIPLE SOURCES. 479 00:24:32,470 --> 00:24:36,107 PEOPLE SAID, NO, DON'T RUN THAT AND THEY RAN IT AND THEY'RE 480 00:24:36,174 --> 00:24:39,344 WRONG AND THEY'RE BITTER BECAUSE THEY SAID, SORRY, PAUL RUDD IS 481 00:24:39,411 --> 00:24:44,950 MANY THINGS BUT SEXIEST MAN ALIVE IS NOT ONE OF THEM. 482 00:24:45,016 --> 00:24:46,818 I'M SORRY, BUT THAT HURTS. 483 00:24:46,885 --> 00:24:52,824 >> HEY, THAT MIGHT BE THE FIRST THING I EVER READ IN THE 484 00:24:52,891 --> 00:24:55,927 NEW YORK POST THAT I AGREE WITH. 485 00:24:55,994 --> 00:24:57,128 >> Stephen: FACT CHECKS? 486 00:24:57,195 --> 00:24:59,264 THAT IS NOT FAKE NEWS. 487 00:24:59,331 --> 00:25:02,734 >> Stephen: IT'S LIKE HOGWARTS, YOU JUST GET THE 488 00:25:02,801 --> 00:25:05,804 INVITATION, YOU DON'T HAVE IN I WARNING. 489 00:25:05,871 --> 00:25:06,504 >> NO WARNING. 490 00:25:06,571 --> 00:25:10,242 >> Stephen: YOU'RE SEXY, HARRY! 491 00:25:10,308 --> 00:25:13,044 ( LAUGHTER ) I WAS HONORED TO BE PART OF THE 492 00:25:13,111 --> 00:25:17,549 PROCESS OF ANNOUNCING THAT YOU HAD BECOME THE SEXIEST MAN 493 00:25:17,616 --> 00:25:18,350 ALIVE. 494 00:25:18,416 --> 00:25:19,951 >> OH, WELL, THAT WAS -- ( APPLAUSE ) 495 00:25:20,018 --> 00:25:20,785 THAT WAS FUN. 496 00:25:20,852 --> 00:25:21,686 THANK YOU FOR DOING THAT. 497 00:25:21,753 --> 00:25:24,823 >> Stephen: IT WAS AN HONOR. 498 00:25:24,890 --> 00:25:26,491 THE HONOR WAS MINE. 499 00:25:26,558 --> 00:25:30,028 >> Stephen: WE HAVE A CLIP HERE OF PART OF THE VETTING 500 00:25:30,095 --> 00:25:33,698 PROCESS THAT YOU WERE PUT THROUGH TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU 501 00:25:33,765 --> 00:25:36,034 HAD THE SEXY GOODS. 502 00:25:36,101 --> 00:25:38,203 >> RIGHT, YEAH, YEAH. 503 00:25:38,270 --> 00:25:41,172 >> Stephen: JIM? 504 00:25:41,239 --> 00:25:43,608 UP, UP, GOOD. 505 00:25:43,675 --> 00:25:44,476 SIT PROUD. 506 00:25:44,542 --> 00:25:45,310 SIT PROUD. 507 00:25:45,377 --> 00:25:49,714 CHIN UP, HAWRCHS, HAWNCHS. 508 00:25:49,781 --> 00:25:50,682 BACK, GOOD, GOOD. 509 00:25:50,749 --> 00:25:53,218 GOT TO CHECK THOSE TEETH. 510 00:25:53,285 --> 00:25:53,752 HERE WE GO. 511 00:25:53,818 --> 00:25:55,320 LET'S CHECK YOUR COAT. 512 00:25:55,387 --> 00:25:56,855 LET'S CHECK YOUR COAT. 513 00:25:56,922 --> 00:25:57,689 THAT'S GOOD. 514 00:25:57,756 --> 00:25:58,890 THAT'S GOOD. 515 00:25:58,957 --> 00:25:59,224 OKAY. 516 00:25:59,291 --> 00:26:02,260 ALL RIGHT. 517 00:26:02,327 --> 00:26:04,663 AND -- ( CLICKING ) 518 00:26:04,729 --> 00:26:05,230 THAT'S GOOD. 519 00:26:05,297 --> 00:26:05,764 ALL RIGHT. 520 00:26:05,830 --> 00:26:07,299 ALL RIGHT. 521 00:26:07,365 --> 00:26:08,266 AND ARMS. 522 00:26:08,333 --> 00:26:14,239 AND ARM, AND THAT'S GOOD. 523 00:26:14,306 --> 00:26:17,676 ( LAUGHTER ) THAT'S GOOD. 524 00:26:17,742 --> 00:26:19,044 THAT'S GOOD. 525 00:26:19,110 --> 00:26:19,911 AND LEGS. 526 00:26:19,978 --> 00:26:20,545 LEGS. 527 00:26:20,612 --> 00:26:21,646 AND HOLD IT. 528 00:26:21,713 --> 00:26:22,981 THAT'S GOOD. 529 00:26:23,048 --> 00:26:23,648 THAT'S GOOD. 530 00:26:23,715 --> 00:26:26,251 THAT'S GOOD. 531 00:26:26,318 --> 00:26:26,584 MM-HMM. 532 00:26:26,651 --> 00:26:30,255 ALL RIGHT. 533 00:26:30,322 --> 00:26:36,428 ( LAUGHTER ) MY FAVORITE PART OF IT -- 534 00:26:36,494 --> 00:26:37,429 >> Stephen: YEAH? 535 00:26:37,495 --> 00:26:38,763 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YOU'RE A VERY GOOD BOY. 536 00:26:38,830 --> 00:26:39,464 >> THANK YOU, THANK YOU. 537 00:26:39,531 --> 00:26:42,233 I JUST LOVE HOW SERIOUS YOU ARE. 538 00:26:42,300 --> 00:26:42,600 GOOD. 539 00:26:42,667 --> 00:26:43,501 THAT'S GOOD. 540 00:26:43,568 --> 00:26:45,570 >> Stephen: YOU HAVE TO LOOK FOR CEMETERY. 541 00:26:45,637 --> 00:26:46,671 >> YEAH. 542 00:26:46,738 --> 00:26:50,241 >> Stephen: THERE'S A FAIR AMOUNT OF INBREEDING IN THE 543 00:26:50,308 --> 00:26:51,242 SEXIEST MAN. 544 00:26:51,309 --> 00:26:51,977 >> YEAH. 545 00:26:52,043 --> 00:26:55,747 >> Stephen: YOU'RE A TOUGH JUDGE. 546 00:26:55,814 --> 00:27:02,287 I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE GOING TO GIVE ME THE RASPBERRY N MY 547 00:27:02,354 --> 00:27:03,688 STOMACH. 548 00:27:03,755 --> 00:27:05,423 >> THAT'S THE REACTION TIME. 549 00:27:05,490 --> 00:27:11,696 >> Stephen: TO BE A JUDGE YOU HAVE TO CHECK OUT EVERY PART. 550 00:27:11,763 --> 00:27:18,236 >> Stephen: YOU HAVE A HINT OF HIP DYSPLASIA. 551 00:27:18,303 --> 00:27:20,505 >> THANKS FOR NOT HOLDING THAT AGAINST ME. 552 00:27:20,572 --> 00:27:21,773 >> Stephen: WHEN WE COME BACK, A STORY ABOUT PAUL AND SETH 553 00:27:21,840 --> 00:27:23,241 ROGEN AND A MASSAGE. 554 00:27:23,308 --> 00:27:23,975 JOIN US. 555 00:27:31,983 --> 00:27:33,651 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 556 00:27:33,718 --> 00:27:38,123 WE'RE BACK WITH PAUL RUDD, "PEOPLE" MAGAZINE'S SEXIEST MAN 557 00:27:38,189 --> 00:27:39,824 ALIVE. 558 00:27:39,891 --> 00:27:44,095 PAUL, I WANTED TO POINT OUT AT SEXY AT EVERY AGE, UNDER 57, WHO 559 00:27:44,162 --> 00:27:46,064 IS THE SEXY MAN AT 57? 560 00:27:46,131 --> 00:27:47,799 >> OH, I'M LOOKING AT HIM. 561 00:27:47,866 --> 00:27:49,801 >> Stephen: STEPHEN COLBERT. 562 00:27:49,868 --> 00:27:56,875 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) JUST SAYING... 563 00:27:56,941 --> 00:28:02,347 THERE'S A STORY THAT SETH ROGEN TOLD THIS SUMMER AND HAS NOT 564 00:28:02,414 --> 00:28:03,548 BEEN FACT CHECKED. 565 00:28:03,615 --> 00:28:05,650 AS FAR AS I KNOW, YOU HAVE NOT COMMENTED ON THIS AND I WANTED 566 00:28:05,717 --> 00:28:09,320 TO GET THE SCOOP ON THIS. 567 00:28:09,387 --> 00:28:11,523 SETH ROGEN, THIS IS A TWEET OF HIS. 568 00:28:11,589 --> 00:28:15,994 ONCE I WAS IN A SPA IN A HOTEL IN VIOLATION GETTING A MASSAGE 569 00:28:16,061 --> 00:28:21,933 AND I TURNED OVER AND TO MY SHOCK, PAUL RUDD WAS MASSAGING 570 00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:23,168 ME. 571 00:28:23,234 --> 00:28:30,375 HE CONVINCED THE MASSEUSE TO LET HIM TAKE OVER THINKING I WOULD 572 00:28:30,442 --> 00:28:36,314 NOTICE AND I DIDN'T AND PAUL RUDD DID THE ENTIRE REST OF IT. 573 00:28:36,381 --> 00:28:38,783 ( APPLAUSE ) PAUL RUDD, DID THAT HAPPEN? 574 00:28:38,850 --> 00:28:39,417 >> THAT TOTALLY HAPPENED. 575 00:28:39,484 --> 00:28:40,552 THAT WAS TRUE. 576 00:28:40,618 --> 00:28:43,354 >> Stephen: WHAT WAS THE OCCASION YOU WERE IN THE SPA AND 577 00:28:43,421 --> 00:28:45,457 SAW SETH ROGEN? 578 00:28:45,523 --> 00:28:46,624 WALK ME THROUGH IT. 579 00:28:46,691 --> 00:28:50,295 >> I THINK WE WERE FILMING A SCENE FROM "KNOCKED UP" AND WE 580 00:28:50,361 --> 00:28:54,332 HAD TO SHOOT IT IN LAS VEGAS AND WE WERE IN THE GYM SPA, HOURS 581 00:28:54,399 --> 00:28:58,470 BEFORE SHOOTING, AND I KNEW HE WENT TO GET A MASSAGE AND SAID 582 00:28:58,536 --> 00:29:01,773 TO THEM -- I JUST WENT IN DURING, HE JUST STARTED. 583 00:29:01,840 --> 00:29:06,611 >> Stephen: DID YOU TAP HER OUT AND KEEP GOING. 584 00:29:06,678 --> 00:29:10,014 >> IT WAS LIKE AN INDIANA JONES WHEN HE TAKES THE IDOL AWAY AND 585 00:29:10,081 --> 00:29:12,217 PUTS THE BAG OF SAND. 586 00:29:12,283 --> 00:29:20,425 IT WAS LIKE KIND OF A -- AND, SO JUST KEEP THIS GOING. 587 00:29:20,492 --> 00:29:24,429 BUT HE JUST -- WELL, TO BE FAIR, HE WAS FACE DOWN. 588 00:29:24,496 --> 00:29:26,831 >> Stephen: SURE. 589 00:29:26,898 --> 00:29:28,933 AND HIGH. 590 00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:29,467 >> YEAH. 591 00:29:29,534 --> 00:29:30,735 LET'S GET REAL. 592 00:29:30,802 --> 00:29:34,405 PROBABLY LESS OF A COMMENT ON MY OWN MASSAGING ABILITY THAN IT IS 593 00:29:34,472 --> 00:29:36,074 THAT HE WAS STONED OUT OF HIS MIND. 594 00:29:36,141 --> 00:29:38,977 >> Stephen: AND IF HE DIDN'T -- YOU MUST BE PRETTY 595 00:29:39,043 --> 00:29:39,344 GOOD. 596 00:29:39,410 --> 00:29:40,044 >> I'M OKAY. 597 00:29:40,111 --> 00:29:41,546 I'M A PRETTY GOOD MASSEUSE. 598 00:29:41,613 --> 00:29:47,385 >> Stephen: IT TAKES EMPATHY TO BE A GOOD MASSEUR, I THINK. 599 00:29:47,452 --> 00:29:54,325 >> I WAS, YOU KNOW, DOING HIS SHOULDERS AND ARMS AND HE IS NOT 600 00:29:54,392 --> 00:30:00,165 EYES, AND THEN I WAS -- I -- AND THEN I JUST STARTED MASSAGING 601 00:30:00,231 --> 00:30:01,366 HIS FACE. 602 00:30:01,432 --> 00:30:09,974 AND THEN, EVENTUALLY, HE KIND OF OPENED HIS EYES AND SAID -- 603 00:30:10,041 --> 00:30:16,381 ( MAKING SETH NOISES ) BUT I MA SAND HIM FOR AT LEAST 604 00:30:16,447 --> 00:30:17,048 40 MINUTES. 605 00:30:17,115 --> 00:30:18,583 >> Stephen: WHAT'S YOUR GO-TO? 606 00:30:18,650 --> 00:30:21,252 IS IT ALL THUMBS? 607 00:30:21,319 --> 00:30:21,653 ELBOWS? 608 00:30:21,719 --> 00:30:22,120 >> I DO BOTH. 609 00:30:22,187 --> 00:30:23,388 >> Stephen: WHAT? 610 00:30:23,454 --> 00:30:27,525 NO, LIKE -- DO YOU HAVE A KNOT? 611 00:30:27,592 --> 00:30:31,462 >> Stephen: YES, I ACTUALLY DO IN MY SHOULDER. 612 00:30:31,529 --> 00:30:32,063 >> WHERE? 613 00:30:32,130 --> 00:30:34,999 >> Stephen: RIGHT UP HERE. 614 00:30:35,066 --> 00:30:37,402 ( CHEERING ) >> I MEAN, IF YOU WOULD LIKE, 615 00:30:37,468 --> 00:30:41,072 YOU CAN LAY DOWN ON THE DESK. 616 00:30:41,139 --> 00:30:47,512 ( CHEERING ) ( LAUGHTER ) 617 00:30:47,579 --> 00:30:57,121 ( APPLAUSE ) ( WHISTLING ) 618 00:30:57,188 --> 00:30:59,257 >> THERE'S THE LAVENDER SCENTED KLEENEX. 619 00:30:59,324 --> 00:31:01,059 SO WHERE IS YOUR KNOT? 620 00:31:01,125 --> 00:31:03,461 >> Stephen: UP LEFT. 621 00:31:03,528 --> 00:31:04,429 UP LEFT. 622 00:31:04,495 --> 00:31:05,964 >> I'LL FIND IT. 623 00:31:06,030 --> 00:31:07,432 I'LL FIND IT. 624 00:31:07,498 --> 00:31:13,972 ( STEPHEN GROANING ) >> Stephen: SO LET'S TALK 625 00:31:14,038 --> 00:31:19,978 ABOUT "GHOSTBUSTERS." 626 00:31:20,044 --> 00:31:24,682 >> LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, I WAS A FUN OF "GHOSTBUSTERS." 627 00:31:24,749 --> 00:31:25,650 I LOVED IT. 628 00:31:25,717 --> 00:31:30,488 >> Stephen: THIS IS "GHOSTBUSTERS: AFTERLIFE." 629 00:31:30,555 --> 00:31:32,223 >> BREATHE THROUGH IT, BREATHE THROUGH IT. 630 00:31:32,290 --> 00:31:37,195 WHAT I'M DOING RIGHT NOW IS I'M TRYING TO BREAK UP THE FASSIA. 631 00:31:37,262 --> 00:31:41,132 >> Stephen: SURE, SURE, YOU'VE GOT TO RELEASE ALL THE LACTIC 632 00:31:41,199 --> 00:31:42,333 ACID IN THERE. 633 00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:45,937 >> IN THE ORIGINAL I WAS BLOWN AWAY BECAUSE IT WAS FUNNY, BUT 634 00:31:46,004 --> 00:31:48,072 IT WAS STAIRY. 635 00:31:48,139 --> 00:31:50,541 >> Stephen: PAUL, DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS? 636 00:31:50,608 --> 00:31:51,276 >> WHAT'S THAT. 637 00:31:51,342 --> 00:31:55,046 >> Stephen: THIS IS REALLY SEXY. 638 00:31:55,113 --> 00:32:08,693 THIS IS REALLY -- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 639 00:32:08,760 --> 00:32:12,697 ARE WE GOING TO SPLIT THE GRATUITY ON THE HOTEL ROOM? 640 00:32:12,764 --> 00:32:14,832 >> IT'S ALL INCLUDED. 641 00:32:14,899 --> 00:32:16,434 >> Stephen: OKAY. 642 00:32:16,501 --> 00:32:25,843 GETTING BACK TO "GHOSTBUSTERS" -- 643 00:32:25,910 --> 00:32:26,778 >> DO YOU FEEL. 644 00:32:26,844 --> 00:32:27,912 >> Stephen: I WISH EVERY GUEST WOULD DO THIS. 645 00:32:27,979 --> 00:32:31,082 DO YOU KNOW WHO'S NOT GOING TO DO THIS WHO REALLY SHOULD? 646 00:32:31,149 --> 00:32:31,816 >> ZING. 647 00:32:31,883 --> 00:32:33,751 >> Stephen: THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT. 648 00:32:33,818 --> 00:32:38,289 >> YOU KNOW FOR A FACT, STING WILL GET YOUR FEET, STING WILL 649 00:32:38,356 --> 00:32:41,826 GET YOUR KNEES -- OFTEN OVERLOOKED -- 650 00:32:41,893 --> 00:32:43,494 >> Stephen: BACK OF THE KNEES, YEP. 651 00:32:43,561 --> 00:32:45,396 WE HAVE TO TAKE ANOTHER BREAK. 652 00:32:45,463 --> 00:32:48,900 DON'T GO ANYWHERE, BACK WITH MORE P PAUL RUDD. 653 00:32:48,966 --> 00:32:51,035 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING ) 654 00:33:10,555 --> 00:33:12,390 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: WE'RE BACK WITH 655 00:33:12,457 --> 00:33:13,991 PAUL RUDD. 656 00:33:14,058 --> 00:33:20,298 YOU STAR IN "GHOSTBUSTERS: AFTERLIFE." 657 00:33:20,365 --> 00:33:24,535 DID YOU HAVE A FAVORITE OF THE FOUR GUYS? 658 00:33:24,602 --> 00:33:26,471 BECAUSE FOR ME, IT WAS HAROLD. 659 00:33:26,537 --> 00:33:30,875 >> OH, GOSH, SUCH A HUGE HAROLD RAMUS FAN. 660 00:33:30,942 --> 00:33:34,479 THAT'S A MOY WHERE YOU WATCH AND GO EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN IT IS 661 00:33:34,545 --> 00:33:39,183 BRILLIANT, AND I FELT THAT WAY AND FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT 662 00:33:39,250 --> 00:33:48,326 EVERYBODY, INCLUDING NOT JUST ALL THE GHOSTBUSTERS, BUT RICK 663 00:33:48,393 --> 00:33:51,729 AND ALL ACROSS THE BOARDCH IT'S INTERESTING TO ALL OF A SUDDEN 664 00:33:51,796 --> 00:33:56,167 KNOW THIS MOVIE MY WHOLE LIFE AND GET TO WORK WON IT WITH 665 00:33:56,234 --> 00:33:58,369 JASON WRIGHTMAN WHOSE FATHER DIRECTED THE ORIGINAL. 666 00:33:58,436 --> 00:34:00,204 >> Stephen: SURE. 667 00:34:00,271 --> 00:34:02,974 AND IT MADE ME THINK ABOUT HAROLD RAMUS. 668 00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:06,677 >> Stephen: YOU KNEW HAROLD. 669 00:34:06,744 --> 00:34:08,012 I MET HIM. 670 00:34:08,079 --> 00:34:14,485 HE PLAYED SETH'S DAD IN KNOCKED-UP. 671 00:34:14,552 --> 00:34:18,122 HE WAS SUCH A LOVELY GUY, AS YOU KNOW, YOU'RE A COMEDY FAN, 672 00:34:18,189 --> 00:34:21,759 ANYTHING ANY COMEDY ENTHUSIAST KNOWS JUST WHAT AN IMPORTANT 673 00:34:21,826 --> 00:34:23,828 FIGURE HE IS IN THE WORLD OF COMEDY. 674 00:34:23,895 --> 00:34:27,432 >> Stephen: RIGHT, HE WAS ALSO SECOND CITY. 675 00:34:27,498 --> 00:34:28,266 >> SECOND -- YEAH. 676 00:34:28,332 --> 00:34:30,668 >> Stephen: COULD HAVE PICKED A MODEL. 677 00:34:30,735 --> 00:34:35,740 RAMUS WAS A MODEL. 678 00:34:35,807 --> 00:34:37,875 >> RAMUS, A BRILLIANT GUY, AN AMAZING DIRECTOR, HIS BODY OF 679 00:34:37,942 --> 00:34:39,310 WORK HE LEFT BEHIND. 680 00:34:39,377 --> 00:34:41,112 >> Stephen: AND A LOVELY FELLOW. 681 00:34:41,179 --> 00:34:43,014 >> THE SWEETEST PERSON. 682 00:34:43,080 --> 00:34:46,617 I GOT TO GO OUT TO DINNER WITH HIM AND HE WAS REALLY 683 00:34:46,684 --> 00:34:49,153 FORTHCOMING ABOUT HIS LIFE AND TALKING ABOUT, YOU KNOW, 684 00:34:49,220 --> 00:34:52,223 DIFFERENT PEOPLE HE'S WORKED WITH AND THERE WAS SOMETHING 685 00:34:52,290 --> 00:34:56,227 KIND OF SPECIAL, JUST I THINK IF YOU ENTERED HIS ORBIT A LITTLE 686 00:34:56,294 --> 00:35:00,131 BIT YOU KIND OF GOT SUCKED INTO IT AND THOUGHT, MAN, THIS GUY IS 687 00:35:00,198 --> 00:35:01,332 INCREDIBLE. 688 00:35:01,399 --> 00:35:04,135 SO KIND OF BEING AROUND ALL OF THIS NOW, YEAH, MAKES ME MISS 689 00:35:04,202 --> 00:35:04,869 HIM. 690 00:35:04,936 --> 00:35:05,970 >> Stephen: WE HAVE A CLIP HERE. 691 00:35:06,037 --> 00:35:07,405 CAN YOU TELL US WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? 692 00:35:07,472 --> 00:35:08,239 >> NO, I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS. 693 00:35:08,306 --> 00:35:09,373 >> Stephen: OKAY. 694 00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:10,341 YOU'RE IN A GROCERY STORE. 695 00:35:10,408 --> 00:35:12,577 >> THAT'S RIGHT, I DO KNOW WHAT IT IS, YES. 696 00:35:12,643 --> 00:35:13,711 I ACTUALLY DO. 697 00:35:13,778 --> 00:35:16,080 >> Stephen: I DID, TOO. 698 00:35:16,147 --> 00:35:17,949 BUT WE WERE PLAYING THAT GAME. 699 00:35:18,015 --> 00:35:19,016 >> YEAH. 700 00:35:19,083 --> 00:35:21,686 >> Stephen: WHERE I WAS ALLOWING YOU TO SET UP YOUR 701 00:35:21,752 --> 00:35:24,522 MOVIE WHEN I COULD HAVE DONE IT AND YOU COULD LEAVE. 702 00:35:24,589 --> 00:35:27,291 >> I REALLY DID FORGET WHAT THE CLIP WAS. 703 00:35:27,358 --> 00:35:29,994 I'M IN A GROCERY STORE AND -- >> Stephen: I DON'T CARE 704 00:35:30,061 --> 00:35:30,628 ANYMORE. 705 00:35:30,695 --> 00:35:31,195 >> JUST SHOW THE DAMN THING. 706 00:35:31,262 --> 00:35:35,733 >> Stephen: PLAY IT. 707 00:35:35,800 --> 00:35:40,505 TRAWBERRY, RED VELVET, BLUE VELVET -- 708 00:35:40,571 --> 00:35:49,747 ( LAUGHTER ) >> AAAHHH! 709 00:36:01,792 --> 00:36:12,236 ( GHOSTS LAUGHING AND SCREAMING ) 710 00:36:12,303 --> 00:36:17,642 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: "GHOSTBUSTERS: 711 00:36:17,708 --> 00:36:18,910 AFTERLIFE" IS IN THEATERS FRIDAY, AND "THE SHRINK NEXT 712 00:36:18,976 --> 00:36:21,612 DOOR IS STREAMING RIGHT NOW ON APPLE TV. 713 00:36:21,679 --> 00:36:23,180 PAUL RUDD, EVERYBODY. 714 00:36:23,247 --> 00:36:24,215 YOU STAY SEXY, BUDDY. 715 00:36:36,294 --> 00:36:38,963 >> Stephen: HIS ALBUM, "THE BRIDGE" COMES OUT FRIDAY. 716 00:36:39,030 --> 00:36:41,766 HERE PERFORMING "RUSHING WATER," STING. 717 00:36:41,832 --> 00:36:54,579 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪ 718 00:36:54,645 --> 00:36:56,147 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I 719 00:36:56,213 --> 00:37:00,551 HAD THIS DREAM ♪ THAT WAKES ME FROM 720 00:37:00,618 --> 00:37:03,154 MY SLUMBER? 721 00:37:03,221 --> 00:37:05,556 ♪ HOW WILL I EVER GET TO SLEEP AGAIN 722 00:37:05,623 --> 00:37:09,360 ♪ COUNTING SHEEP IN A BOOK OF NUMBERS? 723 00:37:09,427 --> 00:37:12,697 ♪ HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I HAD THIS DREAM 724 00:37:12,763 --> 00:37:17,935 ♪ WITH YOU WALKING TOWARDS ME FROM THE RIVER? 725 00:37:18,002 --> 00:37:23,240 ♪ AND WHEN WILL I EVER GET TO REST AGAIN 726 00:37:23,307 --> 00:37:24,709 ♪ WONDERING IF I CAN DELIVER? 727 00:37:24,775 --> 00:37:30,715 THIS IS THE SOUND OF ♪ RUSHING WATER 728 00:37:30,781 --> 00:37:34,952 FLOODING THROUGH MY BRAIN ♪ THIS IS THE SOUND OF 729 00:37:35,019 --> 00:37:40,658 GOD'S OWN DAUGHTER ♪ CALLING OUT YOUR NAME 730 00:37:40,725 --> 00:37:44,261 THIS IS THE SOUND OF ♪ ATMOSPHERES 731 00:37:44,328 --> 00:37:47,231 THREE METRIC TONNES ♪ OF PRESSURE 732 00:37:47,298 --> 00:37:51,202 THIS IS THE SUM OF ♪ ALL MY FEARS 733 00:37:51,268 --> 00:37:54,705 SOMETHING I JUST CAN'T ♪ MEASURE 734 00:37:54,772 --> 00:37:59,644 I REMEMBER THE STORY OF JONAH ♪ HE WAS TRAPPED IN THE 735 00:37:59,710 --> 00:38:05,983 BELLY OF A WHALE ♪ HOW MANY TIMES MUST 736 00:38:06,050 --> 00:38:06,717 HE SUCCEED? 737 00:38:06,784 --> 00:38:11,222 ♪ HOW MANY TIMES MUST HE FAIL? 738 00:38:11,288 --> 00:38:15,226 ♪ THIS IS THE SOUND OF RUSHING WATER 739 00:38:15,292 --> 00:38:19,196 ♪ FLOODING THROUGH MY BRAIN THIS IS THE SOUND OF 740 00:38:19,263 --> 00:38:28,906 ♪ GOD'S OWN DAUGHTER CALLING OUT YOUR NAME 741 00:38:28,973 --> 00:38:30,708 ♪ THIS IS THE SOUND OF RUSHING WATER 742 00:38:30,775 --> 00:38:35,212 ♪ FLOODING THROUGH MY BRAIN THIS IS THE SOUND OF 743 00:38:35,279 --> 00:38:44,588 ♪ GOD'S OWN DAUGHTER CALLING OUT YOUR NAME 744 00:38:44,655 --> 00:38:47,224 ♪ I'LL SEE MY SHRINK ON AN ANALYST'S COUCH 745 00:38:47,291 --> 00:38:51,228 ♪ HIT ME WITH A HAMMER AND I'LL SAY, "OUCH" 746 00:38:51,295 --> 00:38:54,699 ♪ WHAT WE HAVE HERE IS SO EASY TO SOLVE 747 00:38:54,765 --> 00:38:59,203 ♪ JUST TAKES A FIRM PURPOSE AND SOME RESOLVE 748 00:38:59,270 --> 00:39:03,207 ♪ THIS IS THE SOUND OF RUSHING WATER 749 00:39:03,274 --> 00:39:07,211 ♪ FLOODING THROUGH MY BRAIN THIS IS THE SOUND OF 750 00:39:07,278 --> 00:39:14,585 ♪ GOD'S OWN DAUGHTER CALLING OUT YOUR NAME 751 00:39:14,652 --> 00:39:18,723 ♪ THIS IS THE SOUND OF RUSHING WATER 752 00:39:18,789 --> 00:39:23,260 ♪ FLOODING THROUGH MY BRAIN THIS IS THE SOUND OF 753 00:39:23,327 --> 00:39:28,833 ♪ GOD'S OWN DAUGHTER CALLING OUT YOUR NAME 754 00:39:28,899 --> 00:39:30,701 ♪ YOUR NAME, YOUR NAME YOUR NAME, YOUR NAME 755 00:39:30,768 --> 00:39:39,210 ♪ YOUR NAME, YOUR NAME YOUR NAME, YOUR 756 00:39:39,276 --> 00:39:47,218 ♪ EASE INTO THE WATER FLOODING THROUGH YOUR BRAIN 757 00:39:47,284 --> 00:39:54,725 ♪ EASE INTO THE WATER CALLING OUT YOUR NAME 758 00:39:54,792 --> 00:40:00,731 ♪ EASE INTO THE WATER FLOODING THROUGH YOUR BRAIN 759 00:40:00,798 --> 00:40:15,212 ♪ EASE INTO THE WATER ♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 760 00:40:15,279 --> 00:40:17,148 >> Stephen: THANK YOU, STING. 761 00:40:17,214 --> 00:40:18,716 S THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW." 762 00:40:18,783 --> 00:40:21,352 TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS WILL BE NEW YORK CITY MAYOR 763 00:40:21,418 --> 00:40:24,421 ELECT ERIC ADAMS AND THREE TIME N.B.A. CHAMPION DWYANE WADE. 764 00:40:24,488 --> 00:40:25,556 JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT. 765 00:40:25,623 --> 00:40:26,557 GOOD NIGHT.