1 00:00:03,203 --> 00:00:05,004 >> THE CORONAVIRUS PANDEMIC HAS DEALT A SETBACK IN THE FIGHT 2 00:00:05,071 --> 00:00:06,139 AGAINST PLASTIC POLLUTION. 3 00:00:06,206 --> 00:00:09,509 BANS ON PLASTIC BAGS AND OTHER SINGLE-USE ITEMS HAVE BEEN 4 00:00:09,576 --> 00:00:12,045 TOSSED OUT FOR HYGIENE REASONS. 5 00:00:12,112 --> 00:00:13,513 IN ADDITION, PERSONAL PROTECTIVE GEAR IS ENDING UP IN OCEANS 6 00:00:13,580 --> 00:00:17,517 AROUND THE WORLD. 7 00:00:17,584 --> 00:00:21,521 >> COME ON IN TO RED LOBSTER FOR PLASTICFEST, AND SATISFY YOUR 8 00:00:21,588 --> 00:00:24,557 CRAVINGS WITH DISHES LIKE FACE MASK SCAMPY, SURF 'N GLOVE 9 00:00:24,624 --> 00:00:28,995 COMBO, AND UNLIMITED POPCORN NEEDLES. 10 00:00:29,062 --> 00:00:30,163 STILL HUNGRY FOR MORE? 11 00:00:30,230 --> 00:00:33,666 HOW ABOUT SWABSTER BISQUE, CHEDDAR PURELL BISCUITS, AND OUR 12 00:00:33,733 --> 00:00:36,569 WILD-CAUGHT DUNGENESS WIPES. 13 00:00:36,636 --> 00:00:40,039 YOU WON'T LEAVE HUNGRY OR IN THE MOOD FOR SEAFOOD EVER AGAIN. 14 00:00:40,106 --> 00:00:41,908 SO VISIT RED LOBSTER'S PLASTICFEST TODAY. 15 00:00:41,975 --> 00:00:45,545 COME HUNGRY, LEAVE VERY UPSET. 16 00:00:45,945 --> 00:00:49,516 >> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT." 17 00:00:49,582 --> 00:00:54,587 TONIGHT: PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES: 18 00:01:01,995 --> 00:01:07,434 JEFF GOLDBLUM AND MUSICAL GUEST ROD STEWART 19 00:01:07,500 --> 00:01:13,873 FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN. 20 00:01:13,940 --> 00:01:18,945 AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK 21 00:01:19,012 --> 00:01:25,452 CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 22 00:01:25,518 --> 00:01:28,021 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪ 23 00:01:28,087 --> 00:01:29,789 >> Stephen: I LOVE IT. 24 00:01:29,856 --> 00:01:38,531 OH, HEY! 25 00:01:38,598 --> 00:01:40,467 >> Stephen: HAPPY FRIDAY. 26 00:01:40,533 --> 00:01:41,434 >> Jon: HAPPY FRIDAY. 27 00:01:41,501 --> 00:01:42,502 >> Stephen: HAPPY FRIDAY. 28 00:01:42,569 --> 00:01:43,470 IT'S FRIDAY. 29 00:01:43,536 --> 00:01:44,003 THAT'S IT. 30 00:01:44,070 --> 00:01:46,306 >> Audience: STEPHEN! 31 00:01:46,372 --> 00:01:46,673 STEPHEN! 32 00:01:46,739 --> 00:01:47,173 STEPHEN! 33 00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:48,041 >> Stephen: COME ON! 34 00:01:48,107 --> 00:01:52,378 HUNKER DOWN WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW." 35 00:01:52,445 --> 00:01:53,913 I AM STEPHEN COLBERT. 36 00:01:53,980 --> 00:01:55,048 AND THIS IS A VERY SPECIAL FRIDAY "LATE SHOW," WITH OUR 37 00:01:55,114 --> 00:02:00,019 EXCLUSIVE FRIDAY AUDIENCE. 38 00:02:00,086 --> 00:02:03,323 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WE'RE ONLY TWO WEEKS AWAY FROM 39 00:02:03,389 --> 00:02:04,557 BLACK FRIDAY, AND SHOPPING MAY BE EVEN CRAZIER THAN IN PREVIOUS 40 00:02:04,624 --> 00:02:07,026 YEARS. 41 00:02:07,093 --> 00:02:09,829 WORKERS ARE IN SHORT SUPPLY, AND BUSINESSES ARE GETTING DESPERATE 42 00:02:09,896 --> 00:02:11,764 FOR STAFF. 43 00:02:11,831 --> 00:02:15,668 SOME COMPANIES HAVE STARTED TO REMOVE NEARLY EVERY HIRING 44 00:02:15,735 --> 00:02:19,038 REQUIREMENT, FROM DRUG TESTS TO BACKGROUND CHECKS. 45 00:02:19,105 --> 00:02:20,640 THAT MIGHT BE A GOOD THING. 46 00:02:20,707 --> 00:02:22,308 YOU DON'T KNOW. 47 00:02:22,375 --> 00:02:26,045 AFTER ALL SKIPPING DRUG TESTS AND MENTAL HEALTH EXAMS IS HOW 48 00:02:26,112 --> 00:02:28,548 TESLA FOUND THEIR C.E.O. 49 00:02:28,615 --> 00:02:31,784 COMPANIES-- ( APPLAUSE ) 50 00:02:31,851 --> 00:02:35,154 HI, ELAN. 51 00:02:35,221 --> 00:02:38,892 COMPANIES ARE ALSO CHANGING THEIR EDUCATION RULES. 52 00:02:38,958 --> 00:02:41,261 A COUPLE YEARS AGO, 42% OF INSURANCE SALES JOB LISTINGS 53 00:02:41,327 --> 00:02:43,997 CALLED FOR A BACHELOR'S DEGREE, AND NOW ONLY 26% DO. 54 00:02:44,063 --> 00:02:47,967 OF COURSE, TIME HAS PROVEN YOU DON'T NEED TO BE SMART TO SELL 55 00:02:48,034 --> 00:02:48,968 INSURANCE. 56 00:02:49,035 --> 00:02:50,069 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 57 00:02:50,136 --> 00:02:57,810 NOW, WE'VE GOT IN SOME-- TOOK A SECOND,TOOK A LITTLE-- 58 00:02:57,877 --> 00:03:01,014 WE'VE GOT SOME SCARY NEWS FROM OVERSEAS. 59 00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:03,983 RECENTLY, U.S. SATELLITES SPOTTED THAT CHINA HAS BUILT 60 00:03:04,050 --> 00:03:06,619 MOCKUPS OF U.S. NAVY SHIPS IN AN AREA USED FOR MISSILE TARGET 61 00:03:06,686 --> 00:03:08,688 PRACTICE. 62 00:03:13,993 --> 00:03:16,095 THEY BUILT THE MISSILES IN THE DESERT. 63 00:03:16,162 --> 00:03:18,097 HERE'S THE GUIDED MISSILE DESTROYER. 64 00:03:18,164 --> 00:03:20,800 THEY ALSO HAVE AN AIRCRAFT CARRIER. 65 00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:22,335 WAIT A SECOND. 66 00:03:22,402 --> 00:03:22,936 JIM, PULL OUT. 67 00:03:23,002 --> 00:03:26,005 WHY IS THAT ON A GRID? 68 00:03:26,072 --> 00:03:30,944 OH, NO! 69 00:03:31,010 --> 00:03:33,112 THEY SUNK OUR BATTLESHIP! 70 00:03:33,179 --> 00:03:37,984 ( HORN BLOWING ) CHINA'S ANTI-SHIP MISSILE SYSTEM 71 00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:43,156 IS RUN BY A GROUP CALLED THE PEOPLE'S LIBERATION ARMY ROCKET 72 00:03:43,222 --> 00:03:46,960 FORCE OR "PLARF" -- ALSO THE NAME OF THE LESSER KNOWN, 73 00:03:47,026 --> 00:03:49,996 CHINESE BOOTLEG VERSION OF ALF. 74 00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:52,365 ( LAUGHTER ) AND PLARF HAS GONE HIGH TECH, 75 00:03:52,432 --> 00:03:56,002 BECAUSE NOT ONLY DO THEY HAVE THESE MODELS. 76 00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:59,272 THEY BUILT A SIX-METER-WIDE RAIL SYSTEM WITH A SHIP-SIZED TARGET 77 00:03:59,339 --> 00:04:01,975 MOUNTED ON IT, WHICH COULD BE USED TO SIMULATE A MOVING 78 00:04:02,041 --> 00:04:06,646 VESSEL. 79 00:04:06,713 --> 00:04:12,251 OKAY, THAT SOUNDS DEEPLY TROUBLING-- ALSO, A LOT OF FUN! 80 00:04:12,318 --> 00:04:14,587 CHINA, PLEASE PUT IT IN DISNEY SHANGHAI, AND ALL IS FORGIVEN. 81 00:04:14,654 --> 00:04:15,955 SPEAKING OF OPPRESSIVE REGIMES: TWITTER. 82 00:04:16,022 --> 00:04:18,958 ( LAUGHTER ) EARLIER THIS WEEK, THEY UNVEILED 83 00:04:19,025 --> 00:04:20,460 A NEW PRODUCT IN AMERICA, THE COMPANY'S SUBSCRIPTION SERVICE, 84 00:04:20,526 --> 00:04:21,661 CALLED "TWITTER BLUE." 85 00:04:21,728 --> 00:04:25,164 THAT IS THE NEW NAME, NOT AS I THOUGHT, THE PAST SENSE OF THE 86 00:04:25,231 --> 00:04:27,367 PHRASE "TWITTER BLOWS." 87 00:04:27,433 --> 00:04:28,601 ( APPLAUSE ) NOW, FOR THREE-- 88 00:04:28,668 --> 00:04:34,941 ( APPLAUSE ) WHY NOT? 89 00:04:35,008 --> 00:04:37,944 ♪ ♪ ♪ THERE YOU GO. 90 00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:39,946 FOR THREE BUCKS A MONTH, YOU'LL GET FEATURES LIKE AN "UNDO 91 00:04:40,013 --> 00:04:43,950 TWEET" FEATURE THAT LETS PEOPLE SET A 30-SECOND TIMER BEFORE THE 92 00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:46,819 TWEET GETS POSTED, SO THEY CAN REVISE ANY TYPOS OR ANY OTHER 93 00:04:46,886 --> 00:04:47,487 MISTAKES. 94 00:04:47,553 --> 00:04:49,455 THIS IS A MAJOR BREAKTHROUGH. 95 00:04:49,522 --> 00:04:55,194 THE ONLY WAY TO DO THAT, UP TILL NOW, WOULD BE TO WAIT 30 SECONDS 96 00:04:55,261 --> 00:04:56,362 BEFORE POSTING YOUR TWEET. 97 00:04:56,429 --> 00:04:59,966 ( LAUGHTER ) SPEAKING OF TROLLS, THE FEDS ARE 98 00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:03,970 CATCHING UP TO THOSE WHO TOOK PART IN THE INSURRECTION ON 99 00:05:04,037 --> 00:05:05,238 JANUARY 6. 100 00:05:05,304 --> 00:05:08,908 AND I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT THE LATEST IN TONIGHT'S "SEDITIONIST 101 00:05:08,975 --> 00:05:10,710 ROUNDUP ROUND UP." 102 00:05:10,777 --> 00:05:12,679 >> IT BEHOOVES US TO ARREST THESE FOALS. 103 00:05:12,745 --> 00:05:16,849 >> Stephen: THANK YOU, HORSEY. 104 00:05:16,916 --> 00:05:20,920 THE FIRST DINGUS GETTING THE BOOK THROWN AT HIM IS FLORIDA 105 00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:24,490 MAN AND MEMBER OF SEAL-TEAM FANNY PACK, JEREMY BROWN. 106 00:05:24,557 --> 00:05:28,027 BACK BEFORE THE RIOT BEGAN, BROWN WAS MAKING PLANS AND 107 00:05:28,094 --> 00:05:31,931 TRYING TO RECRUIT FOLKS TO JOIN HIM. 108 00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:34,634 SO HE POSTED ONLINE, "WE HAVE A R.V. AND VAN GOING! 109 00:05:34,701 --> 00:05:37,937 PLENTY OF GUN PORTS LEFT TO FILL. 110 00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:39,939 WE CAN PICK YOU UP." 111 00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:42,942 WELL, IF WHAT HE WANTS IS TO BE SQUEEZED INTO A TINY BOX WITH 112 00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:46,946 OTHER CRIMINALS, HE'S ABOUT TO GET HIS WISH. 113 00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:56,956 NEXT UP ON THE PARADE OF IDIOTS, TEXAS REALTOR AND BROKEN WOMAN 114 00:05:57,023 --> 00:05:59,892 NEXT TO A BROKEN WINDOW, JENNA RYAN. 115 00:05:59,959 --> 00:06:03,296 YOU MAY REMEMBER, RYAN STORMEDLY THE CAPITOL ON JANUARY 6, BUT 116 00:06:03,362 --> 00:06:08,935 DIDN'T THINK SHE'D GET PUNISHED. 117 00:06:09,001 --> 00:06:11,204 IN FACT, IN MARCH, SHE TWEETED, "DEFINITELY NOT GOING TO JAIL. 118 00:06:11,270 --> 00:06:12,505 SORRY, I HAVE BLONDE HAIR, WHITE SKIN, A GREAT JOB, A GREAT 119 00:06:12,572 --> 00:06:15,141 FUTURE, AND I'M NOT GOING TO JAIL." 120 00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:18,044 ( BOOING ) AND YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING 121 00:06:18,111 --> 00:06:20,279 NEXT. 122 00:06:20,346 --> 00:06:21,247 ( LAUGHTER ) EVERYBODY KNOWS WHAT I'M SAYING 123 00:06:21,314 --> 00:06:24,016 NEXT. 124 00:06:24,083 --> 00:06:25,184 AND YET, IT' STILL SO FUN. 125 00:06:25,251 --> 00:06:28,221 BECAUSE JENNA RYAN, THE WOMAN WHO SAID SHE'S NOT GOING TO 126 00:06:28,287 --> 00:06:32,258 JAIL, WAS JUST SENTENCED TO TWO MONTHS IN JAIL. 127 00:06:32,325 --> 00:06:36,028 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) OH... OH... 128 00:06:36,095 --> 00:06:44,237 ( APPLAUSE ) OH, THE IRONY... 129 00:06:44,303 --> 00:06:47,974 BARS SHE'S GOING TO BE LOCKED BEHIND. 130 00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:50,543 OF COURSE, JUST LIKE THE CRIME THAT GOT HER THROWN IN PRISON, 131 00:06:50,610 --> 00:06:53,012 JENNA RYAN POSTED ABOUT GETTING LOCKED UP ON SOCIAL MEDIA. 132 00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:59,552 >> YES, I'M GOING TO PRISON, EVERYONE. 133 00:06:59,619 --> 00:07:00,953 I'M GOING TO PRISON BECAUSE OF A TWEET THAT SAID I'M NOT GOING TO 134 00:07:01,020 --> 00:07:04,323 PRISON. 135 00:07:04,390 --> 00:07:04,991 BUT IT WAS A REPLY. 136 00:07:05,057 --> 00:07:07,493 IT WAS A REPLY TO A TWEET. 137 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:11,998 I SAID I'M NOT GOING TO PRISON, BUT I WAS TALKING TO A HATER. 138 00:07:12,064 --> 00:07:16,335 AND, UNFORTUNATELY, THE D.O.J. 139 00:07:16,402 --> 00:07:19,739 SAW IT AND THEN THEY SAID, "NO, YOU ARE GOING TO PRISON." 140 00:07:19,806 --> 00:07:21,374 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: ACTUALLY, NO, YOU'RE 141 00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:23,543 GOING TO PRISON FOR BREAKING INTO THE CAPITOL. 142 00:07:23,609 --> 00:07:27,847 YOU JUST MADE IT WORSE WITH A TWEET. 143 00:07:27,914 --> 00:07:29,115 IF ONLY THERE WERE SOME FEATURE WHERE YOU HAD 30 SECONDS TO UNDO 144 00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:32,752 A TWEET! 145 00:07:32,819 --> 00:07:37,056 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THAT'S-- THERE'S A MARKET-- 146 00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:44,964 >> Jon: THE PROBLEM IS BLOWING IN THE WEND. 147 00:07:45,031 --> 00:07:48,000 >> Stephen: NEXT UP ON THE ROUND-UP GIDDY-UP, EDUARDO 148 00:07:48,067 --> 00:07:50,603 NICOLAS ALVEAR GONZALEZ, KNOWN ONLINE AS THE "CAPITOL ROTUNDA 149 00:07:50,670 --> 00:07:51,804 DOOBIE SMOKER." 150 00:07:51,871 --> 00:07:54,006 ( AS STONER ) "DUDE, I WAS LISTENING TO MY 151 00:07:54,073 --> 00:07:56,943 MYPILLOW, AND IT SAID THAT THE ELECTION WAS STOLEN BY HUGO 152 00:07:57,009 --> 00:07:59,478 CHAVEZ'S GHOST. 153 00:07:59,545 --> 00:08:00,012 STOP THE STEAL. 154 00:08:00,079 --> 00:08:02,582 AND START THE MEAL. 155 00:08:02,648 --> 00:08:03,749 I'M STARVING. 156 00:08:03,816 --> 00:08:08,955 HEY, YOU GONNA EAT ALL THAT PODIUM, BRO?" 157 00:08:09,021 --> 00:08:10,823 GONZALEZ PLED GUILTY AND IS AWAITING SENTENCING, SUBJECT TO 158 00:08:10,890 --> 00:08:12,458 CERTAIN CONDITIONS OF RELEASE, INCLUDING NO INTERNATIONAL 159 00:08:12,525 --> 00:08:14,760 TRAVEL. 160 00:08:14,827 --> 00:08:16,996 BUT HE WANTED TO AMEND THAT, WITH HIS LAWYER EXPLAINING THAT 161 00:08:17,063 --> 00:08:20,967 GONZALEZ "HAS BEEN INVITED BY A FRIEND TO SPEND THE HOLIDAY 162 00:08:21,033 --> 00:08:22,969 SEASON, AT NO COST, IN LONDON, ENGLAND," WHICH IS "AN 163 00:08:23,035 --> 00:08:25,605 OPPORTUNITY THAT DOESN'T PRESENT ITSELF VERY OFTEN." 164 00:08:25,671 --> 00:08:28,941 WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING? 165 00:08:29,008 --> 00:08:32,545 "YOUR HONOR, YOU CAN'T SEND ME TO PRISON. 166 00:08:32,612 --> 00:08:33,446 THE McRIB IS BACK! 167 00:08:33,512 --> 00:08:34,614 ( LAUGHTER ) FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY! 168 00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:42,021 HAVE YOU NO HEART?" THE NEXT REVOLTING REVOLUTIONARY 169 00:08:42,088 --> 00:08:44,957 BEHIND BARS IS NEW YORK NATIVE AND GUY OFFERING FREE FOOT 170 00:08:45,024 --> 00:08:48,961 MASSAGES AT GUITAR CENTER, BRENDAN HUNT. 171 00:08:49,028 --> 00:08:54,000 TO BE CLEAR, BRENDAN HUNT SHOULD NOT BE CONFUSED WITH THE ACTOR 172 00:08:54,066 --> 00:09:00,006 WHO PLAYS COACH BEARD ON "TED LASSO," BRENDAN HUNT. 173 00:09:00,072 --> 00:09:07,146 THE ONLY THING HE'S GUILTY OF STORM... [ WHISPERING ) 174 00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:08,948 IS OUR HEARTS. 175 00:09:09,015 --> 00:09:10,950 HE JUST LOVES TED! 176 00:09:11,017 --> 00:09:11,450 GO ON. 177 00:09:11,517 --> 00:09:16,155 GO ON. 178 00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:18,024 THE BAD BRENDAN HUNT WASN'T AT THE CAPITOL ON JANUARY 6, BUT HE 179 00:09:18,090 --> 00:09:20,960 MADE HIMSELF HEARD BY PUTTING UP NUMEROUS VIDEOS AND FACEBOOK 180 00:09:21,027 --> 00:09:24,030 POSTS THAT THREATENED POLITICIANS LIKE CHUCK SCHUMER 181 00:09:24,096 --> 00:09:24,630 AND ALEXANDRIA OCASIO-CORTEZ. 182 00:09:24,697 --> 00:09:27,133 HIS EXCUSE? 183 00:09:27,199 --> 00:09:32,939 HE WROTE THE SOCIAL MEDIA POSTS AFTER MONTHS OF SOCIAL ISOLATION 184 00:09:33,005 --> 00:09:34,440 AND "A FEW BONG RIPS." 185 00:09:34,507 --> 00:09:36,375 NICE TRY, BUT AFTER A FEW BONG RIPS, YOU DON'T THREATEN TO TAKE 186 00:09:36,442 --> 00:09:38,844 DOWN A MEMBER OF CONGRESS. 187 00:09:38,911 --> 00:09:40,947 YOU THREATEN TO TAKE DOWN AN ENTIRE BOX OF LITTLE DEBBIE 188 00:09:41,013 --> 00:09:42,515 SWISS ROLLS. 189 00:09:42,581 --> 00:09:44,750 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 190 00:09:44,817 --> 00:09:51,590 HUNT IS IN JAIL-- $1.09. 191 00:09:51,657 --> 00:09:52,959 $1.09, DOZEN ROLLS. 192 00:09:53,025 --> 00:09:56,028 HUNT IS IN JAIL AWAITING SENTENCING, AND HE'S GOT COMPANY 193 00:09:56,095 --> 00:09:57,330 BECAUSE, APPARENTLY, HE SHARED A CELL WITH CONVICTED SEX-OFFENDER 194 00:09:57,396 --> 00:10:02,902 R. KELLY. 195 00:10:02,969 --> 00:10:03,936 OH, TO BE A FLY ON THAT WALL... 196 00:10:04,003 --> 00:10:06,005 AND THEN BEG TO BE TRANSFERRED TO A DIFFERENT WALL. 197 00:10:06,072 --> 00:10:08,941 ( LAUGHTER ) HUNT CONSIDERS HIMSELF A BIT OF 198 00:10:09,008 --> 00:10:11,944 AN ARTIST, SO AS PART OF HIS APPEAL TO THE JUDGE FOR A LESSER 199 00:10:12,011 --> 00:10:15,581 SENTENCE, HIS LAWYERS SUBMITTED A COMIC STRIP HUNT DREW 200 00:10:15,648 --> 00:10:20,953 PORTRAYING HIMSELF AND R. KELLY WORKING OUT BEHIND BARS. 201 00:10:21,020 --> 00:10:26,225 SO, HE'S USING HIS FRIENDSHIP WITH R. KELLY TO TRY TO WIN OVER 202 00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:28,427 THE JUDGE. 203 00:10:28,494 --> 00:10:29,228 WHAT THE HELL WAS IN THAT BONG? 204 00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:30,930 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 205 00:10:30,997 --> 00:10:32,498 LET'S TAKE A LOOK... 206 00:10:32,565 --> 00:10:36,736 >> Jon: THE ANSWER, MY FRIEND, IS BLOWING IN THE THE WIND. 207 00:10:36,802 --> 00:10:40,172 >> Stephen: DON'T DO DRUGS, KIDS, JUST SAY NO. 208 00:10:40,239 --> 00:10:41,974 LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT SOME OF HIS WORK. 209 00:10:42,041 --> 00:10:45,077 HERE'S HUNT SHOWING R. KELLY A YOGA BOOK AND SAYING THEY SHOULD 210 00:10:45,144 --> 00:10:52,952 EXERCISE TOGETHER, THEN THE TWO OF THEM DOING WARRIOR POSE, THEN 211 00:10:53,019 --> 00:10:54,487 DOWNWARD DOG, THEN THE TWO OF THEM HIGH-FIVING AND SAYING 212 00:10:54,553 --> 00:10:56,956 "WORKOUT PALS!" AND, FINALLY, THEY'RE ALL BUFF, 213 00:10:57,023 --> 00:11:00,026 AND R. KELLY SAYS, "WAIT UNTIL THE GUYS IN THE YARD SEE OUR 214 00:11:00,092 --> 00:11:04,063 GAINS!" WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY 215 00:11:04,130 --> 00:11:05,998 ABOUT PRISON: ON YOUR FIRST DAY, FIND THE BIGGEST GUY IN THE 216 00:11:06,065 --> 00:11:10,169 YARD, AND THEN SHOW HIM A DRAWING OF YOU BIGGER THAN HIM. 217 00:11:10,236 --> 00:11:12,972 STILL BETTER THAN HUNT'S FIRST DRAFT, WHERE HE DREW GARFIELD 218 00:11:13,039 --> 00:11:16,942 SAYING, "I HATE MONDAYS, BUT I LOVE WORKING OUT WITH CONVICTED 219 00:11:17,009 --> 00:11:17,777 SEX OFFENDER R. KELLY." 220 00:11:17,843 --> 00:11:23,516 WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. 221 00:11:23,582 --> 00:11:24,050 MY GUEST IS JEFF GOLDBLUM. 222 00:11:24,116 --> 00:11:25,117 WON'T YOU JOIN US? 223 00:11:59,051 --> 00:12:02,922 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY, WELCOME BACK, 224 00:12:02,988 --> 00:12:04,757 JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN. 225 00:12:04,824 --> 00:12:10,863 THERE YOU GO. 226 00:12:10,930 --> 00:12:14,100 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) FOLKS, IF YOU WATCH THIS SHOW, 227 00:12:14,166 --> 00:12:22,842 AND I HOPE YOU DO, YOU KNOW THAT I, STEPHEN COLBERT, HAVE A FEW 228 00:12:22,908 --> 00:12:26,312 CORE BELIEVES. 229 00:12:26,378 --> 00:12:27,513 AND ONE OF THE THINGS THAT I BELIEVE IS THAT THERE IS NO SUCH 230 00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:28,647 THING AS SEX PARTIES. 231 00:12:28,714 --> 00:12:29,882 I WAS A YOUNG MAN, A YOUNG TEENAGER, I HEARD STORIES AND 232 00:12:29,949 --> 00:12:31,784 RUMORS IN THE ADULT SEX WORLD THAT THERE WERE SEX PARTIES AND 233 00:12:31,851 --> 00:12:32,852 ORGIES AND FLESH PITS. 234 00:12:32,918 --> 00:12:35,121 THEN I GREW UP AND I FOUND OUT THERE'S NONE OF THAT. 235 00:12:35,187 --> 00:12:38,858 ( LAUGHTER ) I SAID THIS BEFORE: I JUST 236 00:12:38,924 --> 00:12:41,894 DON'T BUY THAT SEX PARTIES ARE ACTUALLY A THING. 237 00:12:41,961 --> 00:12:45,030 I'M IN SHOW BUSINESS, SUPPOSEDLY THE HEIGHT OF DECADENCE, AND 238 00:12:45,097 --> 00:12:47,900 I'VE NEVER ONCE BEEN ASKED TO A SEX PARTY. 239 00:12:47,967 --> 00:12:52,872 ( LAUGHTER ) WELL, FOLKS, SINCE I TOOK THAT 240 00:12:52,938 --> 00:12:54,840 BRAVE STANCE, I HAVE BEEN INVITED TO MULTIPLE SEX PARTIES. 241 00:12:54,907 --> 00:12:58,844 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 242 00:12:58,911 --> 00:13:07,620 ♪ ♪ ♪ ONE OF THEM WAS HOSTED BY A 243 00:13:07,686 --> 00:13:08,821 GROUP OF FOLKS CALLED "SNCTM." 244 00:13:08,888 --> 00:13:10,856 EVIDENTLY, IT'S ONE OF THOSE PARTIES WHERE YOU BRING YOUR OWN 245 00:13:10,923 --> 00:13:11,924 VOWELS. 246 00:13:11,991 --> 00:13:17,897 ( LAUGHTER ) THEY HAVE THE "T," YOU BRING THE 247 00:13:17,963 --> 00:13:18,931 "A." 248 00:13:18,998 --> 00:13:23,903 NOW, OBVIOUSLY, I WASN'T GOING TO ACCEPT THE OFFER. 249 00:13:23,969 --> 00:13:26,839 I'M A HAPPILY MARRIED MAN WHO WON'T SHUT UP ABOUT SEX PARTIES. 250 00:13:26,906 --> 00:13:30,843 BUT IT GOT ME THINKING: COULD I BE WRONG HERE? 251 00:13:30,910 --> 00:13:32,044 HAVE THESE SEX PARTIES BEEN REAL ALL ALONG? 252 00:13:32,111 --> 00:13:34,914 IT WAS ALL SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND. 253 00:13:34,980 --> 00:13:35,948 WELL, THANKFULLY, WE HERE AT "THE LATE SHOW" HAVE AN EXPERT 254 00:13:36,015 --> 00:13:36,615 IN NOT UNDERSTANDING THINGS. 255 00:13:36,682 --> 00:13:39,485 HER NAME IS BOOTSIE PLUNKETT. 256 00:13:39,552 --> 00:13:42,388 AND SHE'S THE MOTHER OF MY FIELD PRODUCER JAKE PLUNKETT, AND SHE 257 00:13:42,454 --> 00:13:44,423 IS ALSO "THE LATE SHOW'S" OFFICIAL "UNINFORMED 258 00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:45,591 CORRESPONDENT." 259 00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:50,362 IN THE PAST, BOOTSIE HAS USED HER UNIQUE INFORMATION-LIGHT 260 00:13:50,429 --> 00:13:52,398 PERSPECTIVE TO HELP US UNDERSTAND DIFFICULT ISSUES, 261 00:13:52,464 --> 00:13:55,534 EVEN SITTING DOWN TO TALK ABOUT TRADE TARIFFS WITH NOBEL 262 00:13:55,601 --> 00:13:57,469 PRIZE-WINNING ECONOMIST PAUL KRUGMAN. 263 00:13:57,536 --> 00:14:02,274 SO, IT OCCURRED TO ME: I SHOULD SEND BOOTSIE TO INVESTIGATE 264 00:14:02,341 --> 00:14:07,813 WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON AT "SNCTM." 265 00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:09,481 OF COURSE, JAKE KNEW HIS MOM WOULD NEVER AGREE TO GO TO A SEX 266 00:14:09,548 --> 00:14:13,118 PARTY, SO HE DID THE RIGHT THING: HE LIED TO HER. 267 00:14:13,185 --> 00:14:19,425 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 268 00:14:19,491 --> 00:14:20,593 HE IS A TERRIBLE SON, BUT A GREAT PRODUCER. 269 00:14:20,659 --> 00:14:23,128 JAKE TOLD BOOTSIE SHE WAS MEETING PAUL KRUGMAN ON A FERRIS 270 00:14:23,195 --> 00:14:30,202 WHEEL TO TALK ABOUT THE DEBT CEILING. 271 00:14:30,269 --> 00:14:32,438 AND THEN, INSTEAD, HE BROUGHT HER TO THE SEX PARTY. 272 00:14:32,504 --> 00:14:33,505 JIM? 273 00:14:38,010 --> 00:14:40,946 >> SO, YEAH, WE'RE GOING TO HAVE YOU HAVE A LITTLE BIT OF A 274 00:14:41,013 --> 00:14:44,850 DINNER WITH-- >> PAUL KRUGMAN. 275 00:14:44,917 --> 00:14:45,985 THE... 276 00:14:46,051 --> 00:14:52,524 HE'S A... ECONOMICKIST-- WHAT IS HE AGAIN? 277 00:14:52,591 --> 00:14:53,392 >> ECONOMIST. 278 00:14:53,459 --> 00:15:00,266 >> WORLD RONOWNED-- >> RENOWN. 279 00:15:00,332 --> 00:15:01,133 >> ECONOMIST. 280 00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:04,203 >> AND WHAT ARE YOU TALKING TO HIM ABOUT. 281 00:15:04,270 --> 00:15:05,471 >> DEBT CEILING. 282 00:15:05,537 --> 00:15:09,708 >> DO YOU WANT TO TELL THEM HOW MUCH YOU HAVE TALKED TO ME ABOUT 283 00:15:09,775 --> 00:15:11,677 PAUL KRUGMAN SINCE YOU HAVE DINNER WITH HIM? 284 00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:14,346 >> I SAILED OUT OF ALL THE THINGS I HAVE DONE, I LIKED PAUL 285 00:15:14,413 --> 00:15:15,514 THE BEST. 286 00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:16,582 HE'S VERY CUTE AND QUIRKY. 287 00:15:16,649 --> 00:15:19,418 >> YOU HAVE A LITTLE BIT OF A CRUSH ON PAUL KRUGMAN. 288 00:15:19,485 --> 00:15:20,753 >> OH, COME ON! 289 00:15:20,819 --> 00:15:21,520 NOOSE YOUR WORDS. 290 00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:23,255 >> YOU TALK ABOUT HIM CONSTANTLY. 291 00:15:23,322 --> 00:15:23,889 >> I DO NOT! 292 00:15:23,956 --> 00:15:24,657 >> YES, YOU DO. 293 00:15:24,723 --> 00:15:25,891 >> NO, I DON'T. 294 00:15:25,958 --> 00:15:26,892 >> YYOU YOU DO. 295 00:15:26,959 --> 00:15:27,693 >> NO, I DON'T. 296 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:30,296 >> EVERY TIME I SEE OW YOUR IPAD-- 297 00:15:30,362 --> 00:15:32,131 >> YOU ARE SO FULL OF ( BLEEP ). 298 00:15:32,197 --> 00:15:37,102 >> EVERY TIMEY SEE YOU ON YOUR iPAD AND YOU'RE WATCHING ONE OF 299 00:15:37,169 --> 00:15:40,306 YOUR PIECES -- >> I NEVER WATCH A PIECE! 300 00:15:40,372 --> 00:15:42,941 YOU'RE MAKING ME SOUND LIKE A NORSAQUIST. 301 00:15:43,008 --> 00:15:46,211 >> FOR MY MOMENT MITT ROMNEY AND I WAS IT WAS THE MOMENT OF TRUTH 302 00:15:46,278 --> 00:15:49,381 AS WE HEADED INTO THE SEX PARTY 91 AS SNCTM. 303 00:15:49,448 --> 00:15:55,487 >> HELLO AND WELCOME MAY I OFFER YOU SOME CHAMPAGNE? 304 00:15:55,554 --> 00:15:56,789 >> OH, MY GOD. 305 00:15:56,855 --> 00:15:57,990 SHE DOESN'T HAVE A SHIRT ON. 306 00:15:58,057 --> 00:16:01,827 >> JUST A QUICK NOTE, IF YOU SEE ANYONE OR ANYTHING YOU LIKE, 307 00:16:01,894 --> 00:16:02,961 PLEASE ASK. 308 00:16:03,028 --> 00:16:08,967 CONSENSUS IS KEY FOR TOUCHING. 309 00:16:09,034 --> 00:16:10,202 >> ASK WHAT? 310 00:16:10,269 --> 00:16:13,472 >> WOULD YOU LIKE TO JOIN US DOWN IN THE V.I.P.? 311 00:16:13,539 --> 00:16:15,541 >> I GUESS. 312 00:16:16,575 --> 00:16:19,611 ( LAUGHTER ) IS PAUL HERE? 313 00:16:19,678 --> 00:16:21,914 JAKE! 314 00:16:21,980 --> 00:16:25,217 WHAT THE-- >> SO, BOOTSIE. 315 00:16:25,284 --> 00:16:25,984 >> WHAT? 316 00:16:26,051 --> 00:16:26,919 >> PAUL'S NOT HERE. 317 00:16:26,985 --> 00:16:29,588 YOU'RE ACTUALLY AT A SEX PARTY. 318 00:16:29,655 --> 00:16:30,756 JUST GO WITH IT. 319 00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:35,461 >> I OWED MY MOM SOME ANSWERS SO IT WAS TIME TO COME CLEAN 320 00:16:35,527 --> 00:16:38,030 >> YOU'RE NOT GOING ON A FERRIS WHEEL. 321 00:16:38,097 --> 00:16:38,530 >> OKAY. 322 00:16:38,597 --> 00:16:39,231 >> THERE'S NO PAUL. 323 00:16:39,298 --> 00:16:40,432 >> THAT'S ( BLEEP ) SAD. 324 00:16:40,499 --> 00:16:43,135 >> THE STORY IS STEPHEN HAS BEEN DENYING THE EXISTENCE OF SEX 325 00:16:43,202 --> 00:16:47,373 PARTIES IN HIS MONOLOGUES, AND SO, THERE HAVE BEEN SOME INVATES 326 00:16:47,439 --> 00:16:50,175 TO SEX PARTIES, AND THE THOUGHT WAS THAT MAYBE YOU WOULD BE A 327 00:16:50,242 --> 00:16:51,777 GOOD CORRESPONDENT TO GO OUT AND SEE IF THEY EXIST. 328 00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:53,879 >> OH, THEY EXIST. 329 00:16:53,946 --> 00:16:54,580 UNLESS THIS IS A TRICK. 330 00:16:54,646 --> 00:16:56,815 >> SO HOW ARE YOU FEELING? 331 00:16:56,882 --> 00:16:57,249 ( LAUGHTER ). 332 00:16:57,316 --> 00:16:57,916 >> I'M SHOCKED. 333 00:16:57,983 --> 00:16:59,551 I MEAN, I'M HANDLING IT OKAY. 334 00:16:59,618 --> 00:17:02,521 BUT I'M NOT DRESSING UP OR NOTHING. 335 00:17:02,588 --> 00:17:04,857 ( LAUGHTER ) >> I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE GOING 336 00:17:04,923 --> 00:17:06,158 TO SEE UP THERE. 337 00:17:06,225 --> 00:17:09,528 >> WHAT, SHOULD I ASK THESE PEOPLE? 338 00:17:09,595 --> 00:17:14,233 THEY DON'T SEEM LIKE THEY GIVE A ( BLEEP ) ABOUT THE DEBT 339 00:17:14,299 --> 00:17:15,401 CEILING. 340 00:17:15,467 --> 00:17:18,837 >> NOW THAT MY MOM HAD HER REAL ASSIGNMENT, SHE SET OUT TO 341 00:17:18,904 --> 00:17:21,373 DISCOVER IT IF SNCTM WAS A REAL SEX PARTY. 342 00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:23,108 >> OH, HI! 343 00:17:23,175 --> 00:17:24,843 ( LAUGHING ) >> YOU CAN ASK HIM? 344 00:17:24,910 --> 00:17:27,780 >> OH, MY GOD! 345 00:17:27,846 --> 00:17:29,114 DO YOU HAVE THESE SEX PARTIES ALL THE TIME? 346 00:17:29,181 --> 00:17:31,016 >> YES, WE DO. 347 00:17:31,083 --> 00:17:32,251 WE HAVE THEM VERY FREQUENTLY. 348 00:17:32,317 --> 00:17:33,919 >> THIS ISN'T, LIKE, A JOKE? 349 00:17:33,986 --> 00:17:35,421 >> NO, ALL THE TIME. 350 00:17:35,487 --> 00:17:36,855 >> DO YOU ACTUALLY HAVE SEX? 351 00:17:36,922 --> 00:17:39,425 >> UH, YES, YES, WE DO. 352 00:17:39,491 --> 00:17:41,660 .WOULD YOU LIKE A MASK? 353 00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:42,761 >> OH, NO. 354 00:17:42,828 --> 00:17:43,896 SHOULD I WEAR A MASK. 355 00:17:43,962 --> 00:17:46,865 >> IF YOU'D LIKE, WE HAVE A WHOLE BUNCH TO CHOOSE FROM. 356 00:17:46,932 --> 00:17:52,838 >> OH, MY GOD! 357 00:17:52,905 --> 00:18:02,881 ( LAUGHTER ) >> IT LOOKS VERY NICE. 358 00:18:02,948 --> 00:18:03,916 BEAUTIFUL. 359 00:18:03,982 --> 00:18:06,485 >> OH, DEAR GOD, I'M GOING TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK. 360 00:18:06,552 --> 00:18:09,888 ( LAUGHTER ) IS STEPHEN COMING TONIGHT? 361 00:18:09,955 --> 00:18:11,757 DOES ANYBODY KNOW? 362 00:18:11,824 --> 00:18:13,358 >> NOT THAT I WAS NOTIFIED. 363 00:18:13,425 --> 00:18:13,725 SO... 364 00:18:13,792 --> 00:18:14,993 >> NO, HUH? 365 00:18:15,060 --> 00:18:17,563 >> YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO BRING THE INVITE THIS TIME. 366 00:18:17,629 --> 00:18:18,964 YOU'RE LIKE, I GOT AN IN. 367 00:18:19,031 --> 00:18:20,165 COME ON, WE'RE GOING. 368 00:18:20,232 --> 00:18:23,769 >> WHERE ARE WE GOING, SCROTUMS, RIGHT? 369 00:18:23,836 --> 00:18:24,203 WAIT. 370 00:18:24,269 --> 00:18:26,672 SORRY. 371 00:18:26,738 --> 00:18:28,807 ( LAUGHTER ) SCROTUMS. 372 00:18:28,874 --> 00:18:29,208 >> SNCTM. 373 00:18:29,274 --> 00:18:30,509 >> OH, MY GOD! 374 00:18:30,576 --> 00:18:33,011 I GET EVERYTHING WRONG. 375 00:18:33,078 --> 00:18:33,812 I'M SORRY. 376 00:18:33,879 --> 00:18:35,747 DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE DEBT CEILING? 377 00:18:35,814 --> 00:18:38,317 ( LAUGHTER ) >> THE DEBT CEILING? 378 00:18:38,383 --> 00:18:40,452 >> YEAH, THE DEBT CEILING. 379 00:18:40,519 --> 00:18:41,253 THEY'RE VOTING ON IT. 380 00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:42,254 SOHIRE IT. 381 00:18:42,321 --> 00:18:46,925 I GUESS YOU DON'T KNOW STUFF, EITHER. 382 00:18:46,992 --> 00:18:49,394 SO THIS IS THE ROOM WHERE YOU GO UP AT NIGHT AFTER EVERYTHING 383 00:18:49,461 --> 00:18:50,629 GETS HOT AND HEAVY? 384 00:18:50,696 --> 00:18:59,771 >> YEAH, ALL THE ROOMS, WHENEVER YOU LIKE ONE DURING THE EVENT. 385 00:18:59,838 --> 00:19:07,012 ( LAUGHTER ) >> VERY INTERESTING. 386 00:19:07,079 --> 00:19:10,682 I'VE LEARNED A LOT. 387 00:19:10,749 --> 00:19:14,686 HUH? 388 00:19:14,753 --> 00:19:19,091 >DO YOU ENJOY THIS, COMING HERE? 389 00:19:19,157 --> 00:19:19,725 OBVIOUSLY, RIGHT. 390 00:19:19,791 --> 00:19:20,359 >> DEFINITELY. 391 00:19:20,425 --> 00:19:22,528 >> YEAH. 392 00:19:22,594 --> 00:19:24,830 SO THIS IS THE, UM... 393 00:19:24,897 --> 00:19:26,565 >> THIS IS MORE OF OUR DOM ROOM. 394 00:19:26,632 --> 00:19:28,800 >> THE DOM ROOM. 395 00:19:28,867 --> 00:19:31,570 >> WOULD YOU LIKE TO GIVE HER A LITTLE TICKLE? 396 00:19:31,637 --> 00:19:32,871 >> OH, NO, NO. 397 00:19:32,938 --> 00:19:35,474 YOU WANT A TICKLE WITH THE PICKLE. 398 00:19:35,541 --> 00:19:36,975 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 399 00:19:37,042 --> 00:19:40,612 >> IS IT NOW GOING TO BE THE CASE THAT WHENEVER YOU HEAR THE 400 00:19:40,679 --> 00:19:42,848 NAME "PAUL KRUGMAN" YOU THINK OF THIS? 401 00:19:42,915 --> 00:19:43,582 >> YES! 402 00:19:43,649 --> 00:19:44,216 YES! 403 00:19:44,283 --> 00:19:45,817 I WISH I COULD TALK TO PAUL. 404 00:19:45,884 --> 00:19:49,788 YOU COULD HAVE NEVER SHOCKED ME MORE THAN YOU DID TONIGHT. 405 00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:51,256 HI, THIS IS BOOTSIE. 406 00:19:51,323 --> 00:19:54,693 I'M HERE AT "THE LATE SHOW," WITH STEPHEN COLBERT. 407 00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:57,195 AND GUESS WHAT, STEPHEN? 408 00:19:57,262 --> 00:19:58,664 THIS IS REAL. 409 00:19:58,730 --> 00:20:02,768 BALLSY FOUND OUT TONIGHT FIRSTHAND THIS IS REAL. 410 00:20:02,834 --> 00:20:03,936 >> THIS IS REAL. 411 00:20:04,002 --> 00:20:06,672 >> SO THAT WAS BAD BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T NAME WHAT'S REAL AND 412 00:20:06,738 --> 00:20:08,307 WHERE YOU ARE? 413 00:20:08,373 --> 00:20:10,676 >> I'M AT THE SCROTUMS! 414 00:20:10,742 --> 00:20:17,749 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 415 00:20:17,816 --> 00:20:21,219 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: THANK YOU, 416 00:20:21,286 --> 00:20:21,653 BOOTSIE. 417 00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:23,956 THANK YOU, JAKE. 418 00:20:24,022 --> 00:20:25,023 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JEFF GOLDBLUM. 419 00:20:45,043 --> 00:20:51,683 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 420 00:20:51,750 --> 00:20:56,989 WELCOME BACK! 421 00:20:57,055 --> 00:21:00,926 FROM "THE BIG CHILL," "JURASSIC PARK," AND "THOR: RAGNAROK." 422 00:21:00,993 --> 00:21:02,928 HIS SHOW, "THE WORLD ACCORDING TO JEFF GOLDBLUM," HAS JUST 423 00:21:02,995 --> 00:21:05,831 RETURNED FOR ITS SECOND SEASON. 424 00:21:05,897 --> 00:21:10,268 PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," IT'S JEFF GOLDBLUM! 425 00:21:10,335 --> 00:21:21,847 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 426 00:21:21,913 --> 00:21:31,890 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 427 00:21:31,957 --> 00:21:37,496 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 428 00:21:37,562 --> 00:21:44,302 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 429 00:21:44,369 --> 00:21:48,507 >> Stephen: JEFF, JEFF, I JUST WISH YOU ENJOYED YOURSELF MORE. 430 00:21:48,573 --> 00:21:50,275 >> I DO HAVE A GOOD TIME. 431 00:21:50,342 --> 00:21:52,944 >> Stephen: IT'S ALWAYS LOVELY TO SEE YOU. 432 00:21:53,011 --> 00:21:57,349 AND I HAVE TO SAY RIGHT OFF THE BAT I'M ALWAYS VERY-- I'M VERY 433 00:21:57,416 --> 00:22:01,053 GRATEFUL TO ANY GUEST WHO REALLY PUTS ON THE DUDS BEFORE THEY 434 00:22:01,119 --> 00:22:02,087 COME OUT HERE. 435 00:22:02,154 --> 00:22:04,222 AND YOU NEVER-- YOU NEVER DISAPPOINT. 436 00:22:04,289 --> 00:22:08,927 I'M JUST CURIOUS, WHAT COULD I-- ONE THING I COULD WEAR TO, LIKE, 437 00:22:08,994 --> 00:22:12,264 GIVE ME A LITTLE BIT OF THE GOLDBLUM MAGIC. 438 00:22:12,330 --> 00:22:14,833 >> I WOULDN'T WISH MYSELF ON ANYTHING, ESPECIALLY YOU. 439 00:22:14,900 --> 00:22:17,002 YOU ARE YOUR OWN... 440 00:22:17,069 --> 00:22:19,104 THE HEIGHT OF YOU. 441 00:22:19,171 --> 00:22:22,541 >> Stephen: I AM THE MOST ME I CAN BE, I UNDERSTAND THAT. 442 00:22:22,607 --> 00:22:23,575 >> IT'S FANTASTIC. 443 00:22:23,642 --> 00:22:24,843 BUT I WAS PREPARED FOR THAT. 444 00:22:24,910 --> 00:22:26,912 I-- SO I BROUGHT YOU SOMETHING. 445 00:22:26,978 --> 00:22:29,381 >> Stephen: OH. 446 00:22:29,448 --> 00:22:30,282 FANTASTIC. 447 00:22:30,348 --> 00:22:32,918 >> WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY ON THESE GLASSES? 448 00:22:32,984 --> 00:22:36,755 YOU WEAR GLASSES, AND I WEAR GLASSES. 449 00:22:36,822 --> 00:22:38,657 AND YOU'VE GOT A NICE-- NICE FRAME THERE. 450 00:22:38,724 --> 00:22:39,391 >> Stephen: THANK YOU. 451 00:22:39,458 --> 00:22:40,992 >> NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT FRAME. 452 00:22:41,059 --> 00:22:43,929 YOU CHOSE THOSE-- THOSE -- >> Stephen: I CHOSE THESE, 453 00:22:43,995 --> 00:22:44,930 YES. 454 00:22:44,996 --> 00:22:47,466 >> NOTHING WRONG -- >> Stephen: CAN I TRY YOURS 455 00:22:47,532 --> 00:22:47,833 ON? 456 00:22:47,899 --> 00:22:48,633 YOU. 457 00:22:48,700 --> 00:22:49,968 >> YOU CAN TRY ON ANYTHING YOU WANT. 458 00:22:50,035 --> 00:22:50,736 ANYTHING I HAVE IS YOURS. 459 00:22:50,802 --> 00:22:53,839 THIS IS METAL-- >> OH, I SEE. 460 00:22:53,905 --> 00:22:57,776 ( APPLAUSE ) THAT'S ME. 461 00:22:57,843 --> 00:22:58,543 THAT'S GOOD. 462 00:22:58,610 --> 00:22:59,644 >> Stephen: I'LL TRY THESE ON, TOO. 463 00:22:59,711 --> 00:23:01,279 >> I LIKE IT, I LIKE IT. 464 00:23:01,346 --> 00:23:02,547 >> Stephen: THERE YOU GO. 465 00:23:02,614 --> 00:23:05,851 >> IT'S ALSO PRESCRIPTION, SO -- >> Stephen: THERE YOU GO. 466 00:23:05,917 --> 00:23:06,318 WOW! 467 00:23:06,384 --> 00:23:07,519 >> WELL, COME ON. 468 00:23:07,586 --> 00:23:12,657 >> Stephen: THIS GIVES ME A LITTLE ...I GOT-- IT'S A LITTLE 469 00:23:12,724 --> 00:23:15,160 JEFF GOLDBLUM, AND LITTLE OYE ORBISON. 470 00:23:15,227 --> 00:23:17,829 >> YEAH, BUT IT'S WONDERFUL. 471 00:23:17,896 --> 00:23:20,932 >> Stephen: WISH IT WAS MY PRESCRIPTION SO I COULD SEE WHAT 472 00:23:20,999 --> 00:23:21,833 I LOOK LIKE. 473 00:23:21,900 --> 00:23:23,769 >> YOU LOOK FANTASTIC. 474 00:23:23,835 --> 00:23:26,471 >> Stephen: YOU HAVE STRONGER GLASSES THAN I DO. 475 00:23:26,538 --> 00:23:27,472 >> REALLY? 476 00:23:27,539 --> 00:23:28,073 WHAT DO YOU HAVE? 477 00:23:28,140 --> 00:23:29,341 >> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW. 478 00:23:29,407 --> 00:23:30,942 THEY JUST GIVE THEM TO ME AND I PUT THEM ON MY FACE DO YOU KNOW 479 00:23:31,009 --> 00:23:31,409 YOUR PRESCRIPTION. 480 00:23:31,476 --> 00:23:33,111 >> I'M FIANCE 250. 481 00:23:33,178 --> 00:23:34,479 WHICH IS NOT MUCH. 482 00:23:34,546 --> 00:23:35,781 YOURS ARE STRONGER, SIR. 483 00:23:35,847 --> 00:23:36,982 YOURS ARE STRONGER. 484 00:23:37,048 --> 00:23:39,951 >> Stephen: I'M NOT GOING TO SIT HERE AND HAVE YOU INSULT MY 485 00:23:40,018 --> 00:23:41,953 EYEBALLS. 486 00:23:42,020 --> 00:23:44,956 >> I'M NOT INSULTING THEM AND I'M NOT -- 487 00:23:45,023 --> 00:23:47,459 >> Stephen: ASTIGMATIC IS MY PROBLEM. 488 00:23:47,526 --> 00:23:53,365 >> WHAT'S THAT, YOU HAVE AN -- >> Stephen: AN ASTIGMATISM. 489 00:23:53,431 --> 00:23:54,966 I'M ASTIGMATIC BECAUSE I HAVE AN ASTIGMATISM. 490 00:23:55,033 --> 00:23:56,001 >> WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? 491 00:23:56,067 --> 00:23:57,002 THEY'RE BOTH THE SAME. 492 00:23:57,068 --> 00:24:03,909 >> Stephen: NO, THERE'S A WARP IN THE LENS. 493 00:24:03,975 --> 00:24:07,579 THERE'S A DIMPLE OR DIVOT OR WARP IN THE LENS SO YOU HAVE TO 494 00:24:07,646 --> 00:24:10,315 SHAPT INSIDE OF THIS LENS IN ORDER TO CORRECT IT. 495 00:24:10,382 --> 00:24:12,818 MUCH LIKE THE HUBBLE TELESCOPE. 496 00:24:12,884 --> 00:24:18,156 >> NOW THAT YOU BROUGHT IT UP, I'M HERE TO PROMOTE THIS SHOW 497 00:24:18,223 --> 00:24:19,124 OUT TODAY. 498 00:24:19,191 --> 00:24:21,026 BUT I'M NOT JUST -- >> Stephen: NO, NO, DO IT. 499 00:24:21,092 --> 00:24:24,329 >> I'M NOT COULD GO IT, BUT YOU REMINDED ME OF THIS THING, 500 00:24:24,396 --> 00:24:28,166 BECAUSE WE DID AN EPISODE-- IT'S NOT THIS YEAR COMING OUT, BUT 501 00:24:28,233 --> 00:24:29,334 LAST YEAR-- I TALKED TO. 502 00:24:29,401 --> 00:24:33,338 I WENT TO NASA, AND ALL -- >> Stephen: THIS IS IN "THE 503 00:24:33,405 --> 00:24:34,739 WORLD ACCORDING TO JEFF GOLDBLUM." 504 00:24:34,806 --> 00:24:39,711 >> YEAH. 505 00:24:39,778 --> 00:24:42,514 >> Stephen: ON DISNEY+. 506 00:24:42,581 --> 00:24:44,015 A DELIGHTFUL SHOW. 507 00:24:44,082 --> 00:24:44,683 >> THANK YOU SO MUCH. 508 00:24:44,749 --> 00:24:46,751 >> Stephen: YOU'RE IN IT. 509 00:24:46,818 --> 00:24:47,786 YOU'RE CURIOUS. 510 00:24:47,853 --> 00:24:48,854 I LIKE YOUR CURIOSITY. 511 00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:51,256 >> I LIKE YOUR CURIOSITY. 512 00:24:51,323 --> 00:24:54,226 LAST YEAR I WAS TALKING TO NASA AND THEY SAID ALL THE ASTRONAUTS 513 00:24:54,292 --> 00:24:57,863 THAT GO UP-- NOT THE WOMEN, NONE OF THE WOMEN-- ALL OF THEM COME 514 00:24:57,929 --> 00:25:01,199 DOWN, IF THEY'VE SPENT A GOOD DEAL OF TIME UP THERE, SOMETHING 515 00:25:01,266 --> 00:25:06,104 IN THEIR LIGHT EYEBALL-- NOT THEIR LEFT-- THAT IS FUNNY AND 516 00:25:06,171 --> 00:25:06,538 MISSHAPEN. 517 00:25:06,605 --> 00:25:07,239 YUP. 518 00:25:07,305 --> 00:25:08,306 AND THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS. 519 00:25:08,373 --> 00:25:11,743 >> Stephen: BECAUSE SOME SORT OF SPACE PARASITE THAT 520 00:25:11,810 --> 00:25:15,780 EVENTUALLY BURSTS OUT AND EATS EVERYONE ELSE ON THE SHIP? 521 00:25:15,847 --> 00:25:16,581 >> INTERESTING THEORY. 522 00:25:16,648 --> 00:25:17,449 I DOUBT IT. 523 00:25:17,515 --> 00:25:19,818 >> Stephen: AT THIS POINT WE DON'T KNOW. 524 00:25:19,885 --> 00:25:21,586 THE SCIENCE ISN'T IN YET. 525 00:25:21,653 --> 00:25:23,388 >> THAT'S RIGHT, TRUST THE EVIDENCE. 526 00:25:23,455 --> 00:25:24,456 >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK. 527 00:25:39,004 --> 00:25:39,938 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY. 528 00:25:40,005 --> 00:25:41,940 HOLD ON ONE SECOND THERE, JEFF. 529 00:25:42,007 --> 00:25:44,843 WE'RE BACK WITH THE STAR OF "THE WORLD ACCORDING TO JEFF 530 00:25:44,910 --> 00:25:47,779 GOLDBLUM," JEFF GOLDBLUM. 531 00:25:47,846 --> 00:25:49,614 JEFF, IN "THE WORLD ACCORDING TO JEFF GOLDBLUM," YOU LEARN A LOT 532 00:25:49,681 --> 00:25:52,384 OF THINGS, YOU'RE CURIOUS ABOUT THE WORLD, AS I WAS SAYING 533 00:25:52,450 --> 00:25:52,884 BEFORE. 534 00:25:52,951 --> 00:25:53,852 WE HAVE A CLIP HERE. 535 00:25:53,919 --> 00:25:55,520 WHAT ARE YOU LEARNING IN THIS CLIP, MY FRIEND? 536 00:25:55,587 --> 00:25:57,589 >> WHICH CLIP ARE YOU GOING TO SHOW? 537 00:25:57,656 --> 00:25:58,957 >> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW. 538 00:25:59,024 --> 00:25:59,391 IT'S YOUR CLIP. 539 00:25:59,457 --> 00:26:04,596 >> THAT'S RIGHT. 540 00:26:04,663 --> 00:26:04,930 EXACTLY. 541 00:26:04,996 --> 00:26:05,697 VERY GOOD. 542 00:26:05,764 --> 00:26:06,965 >> Stephen: WHAT ARE YOU LEARNING-- 543 00:26:07,032 --> 00:26:13,571 >> THE FIVE THAT ARE COMING OUT ARE DANCE AND DOGS AND MAGIC AND 544 00:26:13,638 --> 00:26:16,908 MONSTERS AND FIREWORKS. 545 00:26:16,975 --> 00:26:18,910 THOSE ARE THE FIRST FIVE THAT ARE COMING OUT. 546 00:26:18,977 --> 00:26:21,212 THIS ONE YOU'RE GOING TO SEE HAS TO DO WITH DANCE. 547 00:26:21,279 --> 00:26:25,216 WE WENT TO ATLANTA, GEORGIA, AND DID MANY THINGS. 548 00:26:25,283 --> 00:26:33,024 BUT WHAT WE'RE GOING TO SEE IS ME WITH CALEB CRIB, AND THEY 549 00:26:33,091 --> 00:26:37,162 MAKE THESE TIKTOK VIDEOS AND DO DANCES AND THEY'RE A BIG 550 00:26:37,228 --> 00:26:38,430 SENSATION. 551 00:26:38,496 --> 00:26:40,565 I VISITED THEM-- FOUND OUT ABOUT IT AND DID SOME DANCING MYSELF, 552 00:26:40,632 --> 00:26:43,535 WHICH I THINK YOU'RE GOING TO SEE, AND IN FACT, MADE A TIKTOK 553 00:26:43,601 --> 00:26:46,104 VERSION OF ME DANCING WITH THEM. 554 00:26:46,171 --> 00:26:47,872 >> Stephen: I D JIM. 555 00:26:47,939 --> 00:26:50,475 >> TO THE LEFT. 556 00:26:50,542 --> 00:26:53,611 ♪ ♪ ♪ IT'S CROSS, CROSS-- RIGHT HERE, 557 00:26:53,678 --> 00:26:55,580 THIS IS CALLED A MIDHIT. 558 00:26:55,647 --> 00:26:59,784 RIGHT, YOU HIT IT. 559 00:26:59,851 --> 00:27:04,322 >> ON MY HORSE. 560 00:27:04,389 --> 00:27:04,956 AND-KICKA. 561 00:27:05,023 --> 00:27:06,224 HEY, TAKE THAT IN YOUR FACE. 562 00:27:06,291 --> 00:27:09,260 >> ACTUALLY I LIKE HOW YOU MADE YOUR OWN STYLE WITH EVERY MOVE. 563 00:27:09,327 --> 00:27:11,062 >> I THINK THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT. 564 00:27:11,129 --> 00:27:15,467 EVERY MOVE, JUST LIKE IN AN ACTING SCENE, HAS TO KIND OF BE 565 00:27:15,533 --> 00:27:18,903 INVESTIGATED AND MEAN SOMETHING. 566 00:27:18,970 --> 00:27:19,838 >> RIGHT. 567 00:27:19,904 --> 00:27:23,541 >> ONE, TWO, HIT IT. 568 00:27:23,608 --> 00:27:24,342 >> YES! 569 00:27:24,409 --> 00:27:24,843 YES. 570 00:27:24,909 --> 00:27:25,510 >> I KIND OF GOT IT. 571 00:27:25,577 --> 00:27:28,546 I KIND OF GOT IT. 572 00:27:28,613 --> 00:27:32,083 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: YOU FIT 573 00:27:32,150 --> 00:27:32,951 EVERYWHERE. 574 00:27:33,018 --> 00:27:34,119 JEFF GOLDBLUM MANAGES TO FIT EVERYWHERE. 575 00:27:34,185 --> 00:27:36,087 >> I FIT EVERYWHERE. 576 00:27:36,154 --> 00:27:41,860 >> Stephen: YOU LOOK LIKE YOU HAVE FUN AND COMFORTABLE JUST 577 00:27:41,926 --> 00:27:42,427 ABOUT EVERYWHERE. 578 00:27:42,494 --> 00:27:43,661 >> >> LIKE JAMES BOND. 579 00:27:43,728 --> 00:27:45,964 >> Stephen: ARE YOU THE NEW BOND? 580 00:27:46,031 --> 00:27:47,932 >> I CAN'T SAY ONE WAY OR ANOTHER. 581 00:27:47,999 --> 00:27:50,869 >> Stephen: HAVE TO TAKE ONE MORE BREAK, BUT DON'T GO AWAY. 582 00:27:50,935 --> 00:27:54,272 I'M GOING TO ASK JEFF ABOUT A TIME HE WENT TIE PARTY AT JOHNNY 583 00:27:54,339 --> 00:27:55,940 CARSON'S HOUSE. 584 00:27:56,007 --> 00:27:57,008 STICK AROUND. 585 00:28:22,967 --> 00:28:24,035 WE'RE BACK WITH THE STAR OF "THE WORLD ACCORDING TO JEFF 586 00:28:24,102 --> 00:28:25,303 GOLDBLUM," JEFF GOLDBLUM. 587 00:28:25,370 --> 00:28:29,307 JEFF GOLDBLUM, YOU WERE A GUEST MORE THAN ONCE WITH THE GREAT 588 00:28:29,374 --> 00:28:30,608 MAN HIMSELF, MR. JOHNNY CARSON. 589 00:28:30,675 --> 00:28:31,976 >> YEAH. 590 00:28:32,043 --> 00:28:33,411 OH, MY GOSH! 591 00:28:33,478 --> 00:28:35,213 >> Stephen: LOOK AT LITTLE JEFF GOLDBLUM RIGHT THERE. 592 00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:38,016 >> THAT'S FUNNY. 593 00:28:38,083 --> 00:28:40,018 THAT'S ABOUT 19 -- >> Stephen: YOU'VE AGED WELL. 594 00:28:40,085 --> 00:28:41,019 >> THANK YOU. 595 00:28:41,086 --> 00:28:44,322 >> Stephen: I THINK YOU'VE BECOME MORE DEBONAIR. 596 00:28:44,389 --> 00:28:46,591 THE STALT AND PEPPER SUITS YOU. 597 00:28:46,658 --> 00:28:55,033 >> Stephen: LOOK AT YOUR SALT AND PEPPER. 598 00:28:55,100 --> 00:28:57,335 ♪ ♪ ♪ YEAH. 599 00:28:57,402 --> 00:28:59,237 BUT YOU KNOW WHO YOU LOOK LIKE? 600 00:28:59,304 --> 00:29:03,775 YOUR HAIR IS LIKE PETER LAWFORD. 601 00:29:03,842 --> 00:29:05,710 >> Stephen: PETER LAWFORD? 602 00:29:05,777 --> 00:29:10,215 I NEED TO WEAR THE BIG 30 ROLL-NECK SWEATERS. 603 00:29:10,281 --> 00:29:13,017 >> OR CAESAR ROMERO. 604 00:29:13,084 --> 00:29:14,519 >> Stephen: CAESAR ROMERO? 605 00:29:14,586 --> 00:29:15,220 >> YES. 606 00:29:15,286 --> 00:29:16,988 >> Stephen: THE ORIGINAL JOKER? 607 00:29:17,055 --> 00:29:17,722 >> YES, THAT'S RIGHT. 608 00:29:17,789 --> 00:29:18,623 >> Stephen: THANK YOU? 609 00:29:18,690 --> 00:29:22,127 >> YEAH, THANK YOU, EXCLAMATION POINT. 610 00:29:22,193 --> 00:29:23,194 TAKE AWAY THE QUESTION MARK. 611 00:29:23,261 --> 00:29:24,462 >> Stephen: THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 612 00:29:24,529 --> 00:29:27,599 HERE'S THE THING, JOHNNY-- I KNOW YOU LEARNED SOME MAGIC AND 613 00:29:27,665 --> 00:29:30,301 JOHNNY STARTED OFF AS A MAGICIAN WHICH PEOPLE DON'T REMEMBER. 614 00:29:30,368 --> 00:29:31,536 >> HE DID. 615 00:29:31,603 --> 00:29:34,139 THAT'S ABOUT '83, BECAUSE HIS COMPANY, THE CARSON PRODUCTIONS, 616 00:29:34,205 --> 00:29:37,142 I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW THIS, DID MOVIES AND THEY PRODUCED 617 00:29:37,208 --> 00:29:38,943 "THE BIG CHILL," IN 1983. 618 00:29:39,010 --> 00:29:40,478 >> Stephen: I DID NOT KNOW THAT. 619 00:29:40,545 --> 00:29:41,246 HE BANKED SOME COIN. 620 00:29:41,312 --> 00:29:42,947 >> YEAH, HE DID WELL. 621 00:29:43,014 --> 00:29:44,048 >> Stephen: IT DID VERY WELL. 622 00:29:44,115 --> 00:29:49,154 >> IT WAS AN INTERESTING, CREATIVE LITTLE ENDEAVOR. 623 00:29:49,220 --> 00:29:53,057 AND AT AN ICE BREAKER AT HIS MALIBU HOME, HE INVITED US ALL, 624 00:29:53,124 --> 00:29:56,194 THE CAST, TO KIND OF KICK OFF THE FESTIVITY S. 625 00:29:56,261 --> 00:29:57,262 >> Stephen: NIC IT'S LIKE LET'S DIG THIS MUSIC 626 00:33:21,199 --> 00:33:22,400 TOGETHER. 627 00:33:22,467 --> 00:33:26,237 THIS MUSIC DOES SOMETHING TO ME, AND I'LL BE DARNED, SEE IF IT 628 00:33:26,304 --> 00:33:28,339 DOES THE SAME TO YOU. 629 00:33:28,406 --> 00:33:30,041 THAT'S KIND OF-- DOES THAT CHECK OUT? 630 00:33:30,108 --> 00:33:30,842 I LOVE IT. 631 00:33:30,908 --> 00:33:32,643 AND YOU KNOW WHAT? 632 00:33:32,710 --> 00:33:35,012 THAT'S DIFFERENT THAN AT LEAST WHAT I STARTED DOING WITH 633 00:33:35,079 --> 00:33:36,647 PUTTING ON A SHOW. 634 00:33:36,714 --> 00:33:38,149 I'M I'M TRYING TO DO A SCENE. 635 00:33:38,216 --> 00:33:40,251 HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW? 636 00:33:40,318 --> 00:33:45,890 THIS OTHER THING HAS IN IT THIS KIND OF LESS EGO-DRIVEN WAY OF, 637 00:33:45,957 --> 00:33:47,825 GEEZ, I JUST LOVE THIS MUSIC. 638 00:33:47,892 --> 00:33:49,727 DON'T WE LOVE THIS MUSIC? 639 00:33:49,794 --> 00:33:53,531 AND THAT LITTLE... 640 00:33:53,598 --> 00:33:58,836 THAT LITTLE VACCINE HAS INFECTED MY GOINGS ON HERE. 641 00:33:58,903 --> 00:34:05,376 LIKE, RIGHT NOW I'M ACTUALLY ENJOYING BEING WITH YOU. 642 00:34:05,443 --> 00:34:06,010 I. 643 00:34:06,077 --> 00:34:06,544 >> Stephen: WOW, EVEN THAT. 644 00:34:06,611 --> 00:34:07,745 >> I REALLY DO. 645 00:34:07,812 --> 00:34:09,881 WELL, NOT EVEN THAT. 646 00:34:09,947 --> 00:34:13,351 >> Stephen: JEFF, JEFF, I AM ENJOYING BEING WITH YOU, TOO. 647 00:34:13,418 --> 00:34:14,952 IT'S ALWAYS A DELIGHT. 648 00:34:15,019 --> 00:34:16,687 TALKING WITH YOU IS LIKE A VACATION. 649 00:34:16,754 --> 00:34:17,622 IT REALLY IS. 650 00:34:17,688 --> 00:34:19,757 >> WHERE WOULD IT BE A VACATION TO? 651 00:34:19,824 --> 00:34:20,658 >> Stephen: SOME PLACE SUNNY. 652 00:34:20,725 --> 00:34:22,727 >> YEAH, SOUTH OF SPAIN. 653 00:34:22,794 --> 00:34:24,495 MMM. 654 00:34:24,562 --> 00:34:28,733 ♪ YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE MY ONLY SUNSHINE 655 00:34:28,800 --> 00:34:39,744 ♪ YOU MAKE ME HAPPY WHEN SKIES ARE GRAY 656 00:34:39,811 --> 00:34:43,848 ♪ YOU'LL NEVER KNOW, DEAR HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU 657 00:34:43,915 --> 00:34:49,487 ♪ PLEASE DON'T TAKE MY SUNSHINE AWAY ♪ 658 00:34:49,554 --> 00:34:52,290 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: SEASON TWO OF "THE 659 00:34:52,356 --> 00:34:54,859 WORLD ACCORDING TO JEFF GOLDBLUM" IS OUT NOW ON DISNEY+. 660 00:34:54,926 --> 00:34:55,960 JEFF GOLDBLUM, EVERYBODY! 661 00:34:56,027 --> 00:34:56,794 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY ROD STEWART. 662 00:36:16,974 --> 00:36:18,743 >> Stephen: HIS ALBUM, "THE TEARS OF HERCULES," CAME OUT 663 00:36:18,809 --> 00:36:19,911 TODAY. 664 00:36:19,977 --> 00:36:25,182 PERFORMING "ONE MORE TIME," ROD STEWART. 665 00:36:25,249 --> 00:36:30,454 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> HEY, EVERYBODY, THANK YOU FOR 666 00:36:30,521 --> 00:36:32,356 HAVING US ON THE SHOW, STEPHEN. 667 00:36:32,423 --> 00:36:37,261 WE WOULD LIKE TO DO A LITTLE SONG FOR YOU CALLED "ONE MORE 668 00:36:37,328 --> 00:36:39,330 TIME." 669 00:36:39,397 --> 00:36:41,265 ♪ IT'S NOT THE COLOR OF YOUR HAIR OR 670 00:36:41,332 --> 00:36:45,036 ♪ THE BEAUTY IN YOUR EYES THAT I'LL BE MISSING 671 00:36:45,102 --> 00:36:48,506 ♪ OR THE SUNSHINE IN YOUR SMILE OR THOSE RUBY RED LIPS 672 00:36:48,573 --> 00:36:54,545 ♪ I'VE BEEN KISSING NOW YOUR FAMILY DON'T LIKE ME 673 00:36:54,612 --> 00:36:58,115 ♪ THIS I UNDERSTAND I DON'T WANNA SETTLE DOWN 674 00:36:58,182 --> 00:37:02,219 ♪ I AM JUST A RAMBLING MAN I'D RATHER BE OUT ROCKING 675 00:37:02,286 --> 00:37:08,593 ♪ WITH MY GOOD OLD COUNTRY BAND YES, I WOULD 676 00:37:08,659 --> 00:37:11,529 IT WAS GREAT WHILE IT LASTED ♪ OH, YEAH 677 00:37:11,596 --> 00:37:14,832 AND TOGETHER WE SMASHED IT ♪ OH, YEAH 678 00:37:14,899 --> 00:37:17,234 THERE'S JUST ONE MORE ♪ THING TO DO 679 00:37:17,301 --> 00:37:20,104 OH, YEAH ♪ I KNOW THAT I CAN KEEP 680 00:37:20,171 --> 00:37:22,974 A SECRET, BABY, CAN YOU TOO? 681 00:37:23,040 --> 00:37:26,911 ♪ ONE MORE TIME, BABY ONE MORE TIME, BABY 682 00:37:26,978 --> 00:37:30,448 ♪ ONE MORE TIME JUST FOR OLD TIME SAKE 683 00:37:30,514 --> 00:37:34,051 ♪ ONE MORE TIME, BABY ONE MORE TIME, BABY 684 00:37:34,118 --> 00:37:37,488 ♪ ONE MORE TIME JUST FOR OLD TIME SAKE 685 00:37:37,555 --> 00:37:43,294 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ NOW IF WE HAVE TO SEPARATE 686 00:37:43,361 --> 00:37:46,864 AND FIND SOMEBODY NEW ♪ IT'S HARD TO IMAGINE 687 00:37:46,931 --> 00:37:51,168 SOMEBODY ELSE WITH YOU ♪ YOU TAUGHT ME HOW TO NASTY 688 00:37:51,235 --> 00:37:56,540 IN THOSE NAUGHTY HIGH HEEL ♪ SHOES, THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA 689 00:37:56,607 --> 00:38:01,045 WE WERE LOVERS FOR A WHILE ♪ IT WAS GREAT WHILE IT LASTED 690 00:38:01,112 --> 00:38:02,613 OH YEAH ♪ AND TOGETHER WE SMASHED IT 691 00:38:02,680 --> 00:38:05,049 OH YEAH ♪ THERE'S ONLY ONE MORE 692 00:38:05,116 --> 00:38:07,652 THING TO DO ♪ OH YEAH 693 00:38:07,718 --> 00:38:11,956 I KNOW THAT I CAN KEEP A SECRET ♪ BABY, CAN YOU TOO? 694 00:38:12,023 --> 00:38:15,826 ONE MORE TIME, BABY ♪ ONE MORE TIME, BABY 695 00:38:15,893 --> 00:38:19,363 ONE MORE TIME ♪ JUST FOR OLD TIME SAKE 696 00:38:19,430 --> 00:38:22,533 ONE MORE TIME, BABY ♪ ONE MORE TIME, BABY 697 00:38:22,600 --> 00:38:26,704 ONE MORE TIME ♪ JUST FOR OLD TIME SAKE 698 00:38:26,771 --> 00:38:30,241 YEAH, YEAH ♪ JUST ONE MORE TIME 699 00:38:30,307 --> 00:38:34,578 ♪ OOH, ONE MORE TIME THERE'S SOMEONE ELSE 700 00:38:34,645 --> 00:38:38,315 ♪ ONE MORE TIME NO, I CAN'T 701 00:38:38,382 --> 00:38:44,522 ♪ JUST FOR OLD TIME SAKE OOH, ONE MORE TIME 702 00:38:44,588 --> 00:38:46,223 NOW I HOPE THAT YOU FIND ♪ WHAT YOU ARE SEARCHING FOR 703 00:38:46,290 --> 00:38:49,660 SOMEONE TO CUDDLE AND KISS YOU ♪ AS YOU WALK THROUGH THE DOOR 704 00:38:49,727 --> 00:38:52,863 AND HONOR YOU WITH CHILDREN ♪ AND STAY TOGETHER 705 00:38:52,930 --> 00:38:59,236 FOREVER, FOREVER ♪ SO IT'S BON VOYAGE 706 00:38:59,303 --> 00:39:02,406 FAREWELL, AU REVOIR ♪ I'M GOING DOWN TO WOODSTOCK 707 00:39:02,473 --> 00:39:06,844 IN MY BEAT-UP JAGUAR ♪ THERE'S NO REGRETS OR SADNESS 708 00:39:06,911 --> 00:39:12,983 BUT MAYBE WE SHOULD'VE ♪ KNOWN BETTER 709 00:39:13,050 --> 00:39:15,319 ♪ IT WAS GREAT WHILE IT LASTED OH YEAH 710 00:39:15,386 --> 00:39:19,056 ♪ AND TOGETHER WE SMASHED IT OH YEAH 711 00:39:19,123 --> 00:39:21,425 ♪ THERE'S ONLY ONE MORE THING TO DO 712 00:39:21,492 --> 00:39:24,662 ♪ OH YEAH I KNOW THAT I CAN KEEP A SECRET 713 00:39:24,729 --> 00:39:27,064 ♪ BABY, CAN YOU TOO? 714 00:39:27,131 --> 00:39:29,934 ONE MORE TIME, BABY ♪ ONE MORE TIME, BABY 715 00:39:30,000 --> 00:39:34,572 ONE MORE TIME ♪ JUST FOR OLD TIME SAKE 716 00:39:34,638 --> 00:39:38,743 ONE MORE TIME, BABY ♪ ONE MORE TIME, BABY 717 00:39:38,809 --> 00:39:42,279 ONE MORE TIME ♪ JUST FOR OLD TIME SAKE 718 00:39:42,346 --> 00:39:45,583 ONE MORE TIME, BABY ♪ ONE MORE TIME, BABY 719 00:39:45,649 --> 00:39:48,753 ONE MORE TIME ♪ JUST FOR OLD TIME SAKE 720 00:39:48,819 --> 00:39:54,391 ONE MORE TIME, BABY ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 721 00:39:54,458 --> 00:39:55,459 >> Stephen: CHECK OUT ANOTHER PERFORMANCE FROM ROD STEWART AT 722 00:39:55,926 --> 00:39:56,594 colbertlateshow.com. 723 00:39:56,660 --> 00:39:57,394 ROD STEWART, EVERYBODY! 724 00:39:57,461 --> 00:39:58,529 THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW." 725 00:39:58,596 --> 00:40:01,732 TUNE IN NEXT WEEK WHEN I'LL BE JOINED BY PAUL RUDD, ADAM 726 00:40:01,799 --> 00:40:03,801 DRIVER, AND KEVIN HART. 727 00:40:03,868 --> 00:40:04,869 GOOD NIGHT.