1 00:00:01,368 --> 00:00:02,669 >> POLITICO IS REPORTING THAT 2 00:00:02,736 --> 00:00:06,306 SENATORS JOE MANCHIN AND KYRSTEN SINEMA ARE PARTING WAYS. 3 00:00:06,373 --> 00:00:08,708 THE END OF MANCHEMA. 4 00:00:08,775 --> 00:00:13,947 ACCORDING TO THE REPORT, THE TWO, ONCE UNITED ON SHAVING DOWN 5 00:00:14,013 --> 00:00:16,082 THE COST OF A PARTY-LINE SOCIAL SPENDING BILL THAT STARTED AT 6 00:00:16,149 --> 00:00:19,986 $3.5 TRILLION, ARE NOW GOING THEIR OWN WAY IN THE FINAL 7 00:00:20,053 --> 00:00:22,589 STRETCH OF NEGOTIATIONS. 8 00:00:22,655 --> 00:00:26,092 ♪ ♪ ♪ >> WOULD YOU JUST STAY WITH ME? 9 00:00:26,159 --> 00:00:26,893 >> WHAT FOR? 10 00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:27,527 LOOK AT US, WE'RE ALREADY FIGHTING. 11 00:00:27,594 --> 00:00:31,531 >> WELL, THAT'S WHAT WE DO. 12 00:00:31,598 --> 00:00:33,333 WE FIGHT. 13 00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:35,135 YOU TELL ME WHEN I'M BEING AN ARROGANT SON OF A BITCH, AND I 14 00:00:35,201 --> 00:00:36,136 TELL YOU WHEN YOU'RE BEING A PAIN IN THE ASS. 15 00:00:36,202 --> 00:00:36,903 >> SO WHAT? 16 00:00:36,970 --> 00:00:39,506 >> SO, IT'S NOT GOING TO BE EASY. 17 00:00:39,572 --> 00:00:40,774 IT'S GOING TO BE REALLY HARD. 18 00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:43,543 AND WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO WORK AT THIS EVERY DAY, BUT I WANT TO 19 00:00:43,610 --> 00:00:44,344 DO THAT, BECAUSE I WANT YOU. 20 00:00:44,411 --> 00:00:46,613 BUT DON'T YOU TAKE THE EASY WAY OUT. 21 00:00:46,679 --> 00:00:47,514 >> WHAT EASY WAY? 22 00:00:47,580 --> 00:00:48,548 THERE IS NO EASY WAY. 23 00:00:48,615 --> 00:00:50,683 NO MATTER WHAT I DO, SOMEBODY GETS HURT. 24 00:00:50,750 --> 00:00:53,453 >> WOULD YOU STOP THINKING ABOUT WHAT EVERYONE WANTS. 25 00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:55,655 STOP THINKING ABOUT WHAT I WANT, WHAT HE WANTS, WHAT YOUR PARENTS 26 00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:56,756 WANT. 27 00:00:56,823 --> 00:00:58,925 WHAT DO YOU WANT? 28 00:00:58,992 --> 00:01:00,293 WHAT DO YOU WANT? 29 00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:03,563 >> IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLE. 30 00:01:03,630 --> 00:01:04,230 >> WHAT DO YOU WANT? 31 00:01:04,297 --> 00:01:10,437 ♪ ♪ ♪ WHAT DO YOU WANT? 32 00:01:10,503 --> 00:01:10,804 >> ATTENTION! 33 00:01:14,073 --> 00:01:16,609 >> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT." 34 00:01:16,676 --> 00:01:27,287 TONIGHT: THE YOUNGKIN AND THE RESTLESS. 35 00:01:27,353 --> 00:01:28,621 PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES: ANDY COHEN 36 00:01:28,688 --> 00:01:30,290 AND MUSICAL GUEST THUNDERCAT FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY 37 00:01:34,661 --> 00:01:35,228 HUMAN. 38 00:01:38,097 --> 00:01:41,901 AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK 39 00:01:41,968 --> 00:01:45,638 CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 40 00:01:45,705 --> 00:01:53,546 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪ 41 00:01:53,613 --> 00:01:56,950 >> Stephen: OH, MY FRIEND. 42 00:01:57,016 --> 00:02:06,693 I'M SO HAPPY YOU SHOWED UP! 43 00:02:06,759 --> 00:02:11,131 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: THANK YOU, LADIES 44 00:02:11,197 --> 00:02:17,770 AND GENTLEMEN. 45 00:02:17,837 --> 00:02:19,539 GOOD TO SEE YOU! 46 00:02:19,606 --> 00:02:20,707 UP THERE... 47 00:02:20,773 --> 00:02:22,609 >> Audience: STEPHEN! 48 00:02:22,675 --> 00:02:23,209 STEPHEN! 49 00:02:23,276 --> 00:02:23,543 STEPHEN! 50 00:02:23,610 --> 00:02:28,581 STEPHEN! 51 00:02:28,648 --> 00:02:34,587 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: WELCOME. 52 00:02:34,654 --> 00:02:38,258 WELCOME, ONE AND ALL-- THANK YOU, MY DEAR FRIENDS. 53 00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:38,958 THANK YOU SO MUCH. 54 00:02:39,025 --> 00:02:39,459 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). 55 00:02:39,526 --> 00:02:39,926 THANK YOU. 56 00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:43,930 THANK YOU, CHRIS. 57 00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:45,865 PLEASE HAVE A SEAT, EVERYBODY. 58 00:02:45,932 --> 00:02:51,538 WELCOME, WELCOME, ONE AND ALL TO "THE LATE SHOW." 59 00:02:51,604 --> 00:02:52,539 I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. 60 00:02:52,605 --> 00:02:53,907 YESTERDAY-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 61 00:02:53,973 --> 00:02:57,644 I DON'T KNOW-- DON'T KNOW IF YOU PAID ATTENTION, IT'S NOT BEEN IN 62 00:02:57,710 --> 00:03:02,248 THE NEWS MUCH, BUT THERE WERE SOME ELECTIONS YESTERDAY. 63 00:03:02,315 --> 00:03:03,516 SOME OF YOU MAY BE UPSET BY THE RESULTS, BUT DON'T PANIC. 64 00:03:03,583 --> 00:03:06,920 SAVE THAT FOR CLIMATE CHANGE. 65 00:03:06,986 --> 00:03:08,755 ( LAUGHTER ) THESE WERE A HANDFUL OF OFF-YEAR 66 00:03:08,821 --> 00:03:15,528 ELECTIONS AROUND THE COUNTRY, BUT ACCORDING TO CABLE NEWS, THE 67 00:03:15,595 --> 00:03:19,265 MOST IMPORTANT ELECTION WAS IN VIRGINIA, WHERE THE GOVERNOR'S 68 00:03:19,332 --> 00:03:22,569 RACE WAS WON BY REPUBLICAN BUSINESSMAN AND LIVE-ACTION 69 00:03:22,635 --> 00:03:24,470 DOUG, GLENN YOUNGKIN-- NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH THE NEW HIT CBS 70 00:03:24,537 --> 00:03:26,372 SHOW, "YOUNG GLENNKIN." 71 00:03:26,439 --> 00:03:30,610 ( LAUGHTER ) A LOT OF FACTORS GO INTO EVERY 72 00:03:30,677 --> 00:03:34,614 VICTORY IN EVERY ELECTION. 73 00:03:34,681 --> 00:03:37,917 BUT I BELIEVE THE DECIDING FACTOR WAS THAT YOUNGKIN HAD THE 74 00:03:37,984 --> 00:03:39,752 ONE QUALITY THAT VIRGINIA VOTERS WANTED MOST-- NOT BEING TERRY 75 00:03:39,819 --> 00:03:41,220 McAULIFFE. 76 00:03:41,287 --> 00:03:42,622 AND IT PROBABLY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE FACT THAT TERRY 77 00:03:42,689 --> 00:03:46,626 DANCES LIKE THIS: ♪ 3 POINT 2 FROM THE DRIVEWAY 78 00:03:46,693 --> 00:03:55,201 OF MY HOUSE ♪ ( LAUGHTER ) 79 00:03:55,268 --> 00:03:56,703 ( APPLAUSE ) I GOT SWEPT UP. 80 00:03:56,769 --> 00:03:57,837 I GOT SWEPT UP. 81 00:03:57,904 --> 00:04:05,211 THANK YOU, JON, THANK YOU. 82 00:04:05,278 --> 00:04:07,347 MEANWHILE, UP IN NEW JERSEY, DEMOCRAT PHIL MURPHY WAS AHEAD 83 00:04:07,413 --> 00:04:10,883 EIGHT POINTS IN THE POLLS GOING INTO ELECTION DAY, BUT FOR MOST 84 00:04:10,950 --> 00:04:13,453 OF THE LAST 24 HOURS, THE RACE HAS BEEN TOO CLOSE TO CALL. 85 00:04:13,519 --> 00:04:14,654 OF COURSE, THAT'S HOW NEW YORKERS HAVE ALWAYS VIEWED NEW 86 00:04:14,721 --> 00:04:18,257 JERSEY: WAY TOO CLOSE. 87 00:04:18,324 --> 00:04:20,827 ( LAUGHTER ) SO, IT WAS A DISAPPOINTING NIGHT 88 00:04:20,893 --> 00:04:22,595 FOR DEMOCRATS, BUT DEMOCRATS ARE USED TO BEING DISAPPOINTED. 89 00:04:22,662 --> 00:04:26,633 THAT'S WHY THEY'RE CHANGING THEIR LOGO FROM THE DONKEY TO 90 00:04:26,699 --> 00:04:27,967 EEYORE. 91 00:04:28,034 --> 00:04:32,905 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 92 00:04:32,972 --> 00:04:36,409 BUT HERE'S THE THING-- I'M GOING TO SAY THE THING-- HERE'S THE 93 00:04:36,476 --> 00:04:40,680 THING-- AND MAYBE I'M ALONE-- BUT I'M NOT THAT UPSET. 94 00:04:40,747 --> 00:04:44,117 I'VE ALREADY ENDURED THE WORST ELECTION IN AMERICAN HISTORY, 95 00:04:44,183 --> 00:04:53,292 LIVE ON TV, SITTING OVER THERE, DRINKING A COCKTAIL OF BOURBON 96 00:04:53,359 --> 00:04:54,127 AND MY OWN TEARS. 97 00:04:54,193 --> 00:04:55,495 THIS JUST SEEMS LIKE ANOTHER ELECTION. 98 00:04:55,561 --> 00:04:57,030 "OH, NO, TERRY McAULIFFE DIDN'T WIN? 99 00:04:57,096 --> 00:04:59,332 WILL THE REPUBLIC SURVIVE OUR POST-TERRY FUTURE?" 100 00:04:59,399 --> 00:05:05,405 ( LAUGHTER ) YOU SEE, BOTH VIRGINIA AND NEW 101 00:05:05,471 --> 00:05:06,639 JERSEY HAVE A HISTORICAL PATTERN OF ELECTING GOVERNORS IN 102 00:05:06,706 --> 00:05:09,742 OFF-YEAR ELECTIONS WHO ARE FROM THE OPPOSITE PARTY OF THE 103 00:05:09,809 --> 00:05:10,910 SITTING PRESIDENT. 104 00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:14,781 IN VIRGINIA, IT'S HAPPENED IN 10 OF THE LAST 11 ELECTIONS. 105 00:05:14,847 --> 00:05:18,651 IT MAKES SENSE, BECAUSE PEOPLE TEND TO VOTE MORE WHEN THEY'RE 106 00:05:18,718 --> 00:05:19,519 UPSET WITH THE PERSON IN POWER. 107 00:05:19,585 --> 00:05:22,622 AND RIGHT NOW, THAT PERSON IS JOE BIDEN. 108 00:05:22,689 --> 00:05:26,626 VOTING IS LIKE DEMOCRACY'S YELP REVIEW: YOU NEVER LEAVE A 109 00:05:26,693 --> 00:05:30,596 COMMENT WHEN THE SOUP WAS TASTY, BUT IF YOU BRING ME STILL WATER 110 00:05:30,663 --> 00:05:33,332 WHEN I ASKED FOR SPARKLING, I WILL BURN YOUR BISTRO TO THE 111 00:05:33,399 --> 00:05:34,133 GROUND! 112 00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:35,601 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 113 00:05:35,668 --> 00:05:39,405 THEN AGAIN, ONE STAR-- WISH I COULD GIVE IT ZERO. 114 00:05:39,472 --> 00:05:41,374 HOW HARD IS IT? 115 00:05:41,441 --> 00:05:41,774 SPARKLING! 116 00:05:41,841 --> 00:05:42,842 IT'S A PARTY. 117 00:05:42,909 --> 00:05:47,447 >> Jon: CAN'T HOLD A GRUDGE FOR THAT KIND OF STUFF? 118 00:05:47,513 --> 00:05:50,717 >> Stephen: APPARENTLY, INDEPENDENT AND SUBURBAN VOTERS 119 00:05:50,783 --> 00:05:51,918 MOVED REPUBLICANS. 120 00:05:51,984 --> 00:05:55,621 IN VIRGINIA, EDUCATION WAS THE TOP ISSUE IN PART BECAUSE MANY 121 00:05:55,688 --> 00:05:59,592 PARENTS ARE STILL FRUSTRATED BY THE WAY PUBLIC SCHOOLS HAVE 122 00:05:59,659 --> 00:06:03,696 HANDLED THE KOFERS PANDEMIC, BUT ALSO CLAIMS ABOUT WHAT IS BEING 123 00:06:03,763 --> 00:06:09,535 TAUGHT IN HISTORY CLASSES HAVE BECOME THE LATEST DOG WHISTLE. 124 00:06:09,602 --> 00:06:13,906 FOR FOR INSTANCE, ON MONDAY, YOUNGKIN MADE THIS PROMISE: 125 00:06:13,973 --> 00:06:19,112 >> ON DAY ONE, I WILL BAN CRITICAL RACE THEORY. 126 00:06:19,178 --> 00:06:19,946 >> Stephen: HERE'S THE THING-- CRITICAL RACE THEORY IS NOT 127 00:06:20,012 --> 00:06:23,316 TAUGHT AT THE K-12 LEVEL IN VIRGINIA. 128 00:06:23,382 --> 00:06:28,521 WOW, THAT WAS FAST-- GOVERNORS MADE, GOVERNORS KEPT. 129 00:06:28,588 --> 00:06:31,624 GOOD FOR YOU, GOVERNOR YOUNGKIN. 130 00:06:31,691 --> 00:06:34,360 HE DID IT, IT HAPPENED. 131 00:06:34,427 --> 00:06:37,730 IT'S PRETTY HARD TO CAMPAIGN AGAINST SOMEONE WHO IS PROMISING 132 00:06:37,797 --> 00:06:40,366 TO ELIMINATE THINGS THAT DON'T EXIST. 133 00:06:40,433 --> 00:06:45,138 IF ELECTED, I WILL BAN EVERY TOILET SEAT GETTING AMERICANS 134 00:06:45,204 --> 00:06:46,606 PREGNANT. 135 00:06:46,672 --> 00:06:50,443 AND ON DAY ONE, I WILL IMPRISON THAT WOMAN WHO PUT THE TURKEY IN 136 00:06:50,510 --> 00:06:53,112 THE BASSINET AND THE BABY IN THE OVEN. 137 00:06:53,179 --> 00:06:58,317 WE WILL ALSO GO AFTER HER ACCOMPLICE, THE SLENDER MAN, THE 138 00:06:58,384 --> 00:07:07,727 CALL'S COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE FROM YOUR CANADIAN 139 00:07:07,794 --> 00:07:10,763 GIRLFRIEND. 140 00:07:10,830 --> 00:07:11,798 ( APPLAUSE ) THE DEMOCRATS DID WIN SOME 141 00:07:11,864 --> 00:07:12,899 RACES. 142 00:07:12,965 --> 00:07:17,303 HERE IN NEW YORK CITY, FOR MAYOR, VOTERS OVERWHELMINGLY 143 00:07:17,370 --> 00:07:19,338 ELECTED BROOKLYN BOROUGH PRESIDENT AND MAN WHO GOT A 144 00:07:19,405 --> 00:07:23,876 GREAT DISCOUNT AT "BRACELETS R US," ERIC ADAMS. 145 00:07:23,943 --> 00:07:29,949 ( LAUGHTER ) ADAMS WAS THE HEAVY FAVORITE, 146 00:07:30,016 --> 00:07:31,150 AND IT DID NOT TAKE LONG FOR HIM TO BE DECLARED THE WINNER. 147 00:07:31,217 --> 00:07:33,352 HIS VICTORY WAS ANNOUNCED JUST 10 MINUTES AFTER THE POLLS 148 00:07:33,419 --> 00:07:34,487 CLOSED. 149 00:07:34,554 --> 00:07:36,155 IT WOULD HAVE BEEN ANNOUNCED SOONER, BUT THE RESULTS GOT 150 00:07:36,222 --> 00:07:39,725 STUCK BEHIND A GROUP OF TOURISTS IN TIMES SQUARE. 151 00:07:39,792 --> 00:07:40,359 "WE GET IT. 152 00:07:40,426 --> 00:07:42,895 IT'S A BIG OLD NAVY AD! 153 00:07:42,962 --> 00:07:44,564 WOW. 154 00:07:44,630 --> 00:07:46,632 YES, IT'S VIDEO, IT'S MOVING! 155 00:07:46,699 --> 00:07:51,804 COULD YOU MOVE?" ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 156 00:07:51,871 --> 00:07:59,445 HERE'S SOME M & Ms AND SOME SHRIMP. 157 00:07:59,512 --> 00:08:00,913 THERE WAS ALSO A BIG VICTORY IN NEW YORK'S MILWAUKEE-- BOSTON-- 158 00:08:00,980 --> 00:08:03,983 WHERE VOTERS ELECTED MICHELLE WU, WHO WILL BE THE 159 00:08:04,050 --> 00:08:07,753 CITY'S FIRST WOMAN AND PERSON OF COLOR TO BECOME MAYOR. 160 00:08:07,820 --> 00:08:11,791 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YES! 161 00:08:11,858 --> 00:08:12,925 WOOO! 162 00:08:12,992 --> 00:08:15,795 WOOO! 163 00:08:15,862 --> 00:08:16,262 WOOO"P." 164 00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:17,163 >> Audience: WOOO! 165 00:08:17,230 --> 00:08:19,799 >> Stephen: YES, IT'S AN HISTORIC VICTORY. 166 00:08:19,866 --> 00:08:23,803 WU BROKE A 199-YEAR STREAK OF WHITE, MALE ELECTED CITY 167 00:08:23,870 --> 00:08:24,604 LEADERS. 168 00:08:24,670 --> 00:08:28,107 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) OOH! 169 00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:28,441 OOH! 170 00:08:28,507 --> 00:08:28,975 SO CLOSE. 171 00:08:29,041 --> 00:08:32,178 SO CLOSE. 172 00:08:32,245 --> 00:08:33,946 BOSTON WAS JUST ONE YEAR AWAY FROM ITS WHITE MALE 173 00:08:34,013 --> 00:08:35,815 BICENTENNIAL. 174 00:08:35,882 --> 00:08:41,988 NOW THEY'LL HAVE TO CANCEL THE PARADE. 175 00:08:42,054 --> 00:08:43,322 THEY ALREADY BOOKED JIMMY BUFFET AND ORDERED THAT GIANT BALLOON 176 00:08:43,389 --> 00:08:47,793 OF CARGO SHORTS. 177 00:08:47,860 --> 00:08:50,963 ( LAUGHTER ) ON STATEN ISLAND, THE JOB OF 178 00:08:51,030 --> 00:08:53,666 BOROUGH PRESIDENT WENT TO REPUBLICAN CANDIDATE VITO 179 00:08:53,733 --> 00:08:54,867 FOSSELLA, SEEN HERE AT HIS CAMPAIGN STOP NEXT TO A SHALLOW 180 00:08:54,934 --> 00:08:59,805 GRAVE. 181 00:08:59,872 --> 00:09:06,913 ( LAUGHTER ) NOW, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING: 182 00:09:06,979 --> 00:09:09,582 YOU'RE SAYING, "STEVE, WE'RE NEW YORKERS. WE DON'T CARE ABOUT 183 00:09:09,649 --> 00:09:10,950 STATEN ISLAND." 184 00:09:11,017 --> 00:09:12,652 FAIR ENOUGH, BUT YOU WILL CARE ABOUT THIS: BACK IN 2009, 185 00:09:12,718 --> 00:09:14,453 FOSSELLA WAS FORCED TO RESIGN FROM HIS CONGRESSIONAL SEAT 186 00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:15,922 AFTER THE PUBLIC EXPOSURE OF A SECRET SECOND FAMILY IN 187 00:09:15,988 --> 00:09:19,792 VIRGINIA. 188 00:09:19,859 --> 00:09:21,994 HEY, BEFORE YOU JUDGE, PEOPLE MAKE MISTAKES, AND EVERYONE 189 00:09:22,061 --> 00:09:24,864 DESERVES A SECOND FAMILY-- CHANCE. 190 00:09:24,931 --> 00:09:26,832 SECOND CHANCE. 191 00:09:26,899 --> 00:09:29,468 ( APPLAUSE ) HOW DID-- TRUE STORY. 192 00:09:29,535 --> 00:09:31,804 IT'S A TRUE STORY. 193 00:09:31,871 --> 00:09:34,740 HOW DID THE PUBLIC FIND OUT ABOUT HIS SECOND FAMILY? 194 00:09:34,807 --> 00:09:36,242 IT CAME OUT DURING A D.U.I. 195 00:09:36,309 --> 00:09:37,176 ARREST. 196 00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:39,779 HOW DOES THAT COME OUT? 197 00:09:39,845 --> 00:09:42,848 ( AS VITO ) "NO, OFFICER, I'M NOT DRUNK. 198 00:09:42,915 --> 00:09:47,820 I'M JUST DRIVING ERRATICALLY BECAUSE I'M IN A HURRY TO SEE MY 199 00:09:47,887 --> 00:09:51,090 SECRET SECOND FAMILY. 200 00:09:51,157 --> 00:09:51,791 DID I SAY THAT OUT LOUD? 201 00:09:51,857 --> 00:09:53,259 MAN, I AM DRUNK. 202 00:09:53,326 --> 00:09:54,894 ARE YOU SINGLE? 203 00:09:54,961 --> 00:09:59,799 THIRD TIME'S A CHARM." 204 00:09:59,865 --> 00:10:02,335 NOW, TO TOP IT OFF, FOSSELLA ORIGINALLY ROSE TO POLITICAL 205 00:10:02,401 --> 00:10:06,906 PROMINENCE BECAUSE HE CHAMPIONED FAMILY VALUES. 206 00:10:06,973 --> 00:10:09,075 YES, IT'S TRUE. 207 00:10:09,141 --> 00:10:10,343 HE VALUES FAMILY SO MUCH HE HAS TWO OF THEM. 208 00:10:10,409 --> 00:10:12,511 IT'S CALLED DIVERSIFYING YOUR INVESTMENTS. 209 00:10:12,578 --> 00:10:13,079 ( APPLAUSE ). 210 00:10:13,145 --> 00:10:18,884 ♪ ♪ ♪ THE LOCAL-- 211 00:10:18,951 --> 00:10:23,756 THE LOCAL G.O.P. HAS AN INTERESTING SPIN ON THIS, WITH 212 00:10:23,823 --> 00:10:25,992 FORMER BOROUGH PRESIDENT JAMES MOLINARO SAYING, "THERE'S NOT A 213 00:10:26,058 --> 00:10:28,594 MAN ALIVE THAT PROBABLY DIDN'T HAVE AN AFFAIR WHILE HE WAS 214 00:10:28,661 --> 00:10:30,196 MARRIED OR BEFORE HE WAS MARRIED." 215 00:10:30,262 --> 00:10:31,764 HEY, JIMMY, DON'T DRAG THE REST OF US INTO THIS. 216 00:10:31,831 --> 00:10:35,267 ( AS MOLINARO ) "C'MON, WE'RE GUYS, RIGHT? 217 00:10:35,334 --> 00:10:36,902 WE LIKE THREE THINGS: FOOTBALL, BEER, AND HAVING SECOND FAMILIES 218 00:10:36,969 --> 00:10:41,707 IN OTHER STATES THAT NO ONE KNOWS ABOUT UNTIL WE DRIVE AFTER 219 00:10:41,774 --> 00:10:42,508 TOO MUCH FOOTBALL AND BEER. 220 00:10:42,575 --> 00:10:43,142 MY KIDS WILL TELL YOU THE SAME THING. 221 00:10:43,209 --> 00:10:45,511 NOT THOSE, THE OTHER ONES." 222 00:10:45,578 --> 00:10:53,419 ( LAUGHTER ) SPEAKING OF PEOPLE WHO SHOULD 223 00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:54,887 NOT HAVE BEEN ELECTED, COLORADO REPRESENTATIVE AND RESTAURANT 224 00:10:54,954 --> 00:10:56,122 HOSTESS SAYING, "WELCOME, WHERE CAN I SHOOT YOU?" LAUREN 225 00:10:56,188 --> 00:10:58,024 BOEBERT. 226 00:10:58,090 --> 00:10:59,759 CONGRESSIONAL PERSON BOEBERT RECENTLY MADE THIS ARGUMENT 227 00:10:59,825 --> 00:11:03,996 AGAINST PAID FAMILY LEAVE: >> LISTEN, I'M A MOTHER OF FOUR. 228 00:11:04,063 --> 00:11:07,767 I DELIVERED ONE OF MY CHILDREN IN THE FRONT SEAT OF MY TRUCK 229 00:11:07,833 --> 00:11:10,403 BECAUSE AS A MOM OF FOUR, WE GOT THINGS TO DO! 230 00:11:10,469 --> 00:11:12,104 AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR TWO AND A HALF MONTHS OF MATERNITY 231 00:11:12,171 --> 00:11:13,339 LEAVE. 232 00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:16,242 >> Stephen: YOU'RE TALKING LIKE IT'S A VACATION! 233 00:11:16,308 --> 00:11:20,579 MATERNITY LEAVE IS A CRITICAL TIME FOR HEALING, BONDING, AND I 234 00:11:20,646 --> 00:11:23,349 WOULD HOPE, DEEP CLEANING THAT TRUCK. 235 00:11:23,416 --> 00:11:27,253 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 236 00:11:27,319 --> 00:11:28,454 ALSO-- ( APPLAUSE ) 237 00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:42,668 OF ALSO, WHY DO YOU GIVE BIRTH IN THE FRONT SEAT OF A TRUCK. 238 00:11:42,735 --> 00:11:47,807 YOU WERE A VEHICLE THAT LITERALLY HAS A BED. 239 00:11:47,873 --> 00:11:51,777 NOW, I'VE NEVER PUSHED A HUMAN OUT OF MY BODY OR HAD ONE CUT 240 00:11:51,844 --> 00:11:53,646 OUT OF MY ABDOMEN, BUT I KNOW ABOUT NEWBORNS. 241 00:11:53,712 --> 00:11:55,848 THEY NEED TIME AND CARE, AND SOMEONE TO UNTANGLE THEIR 242 00:11:55,915 --> 00:11:57,917 UMBILICAL CORD FROM THE GEARSHIFT OF THE SILVERADO. 243 00:11:57,983 --> 00:12:00,352 BUT BOEBERT IS BASICALLY SAYING, "I GAVE BIRTH IN A TRUCK, SO NO 244 00:12:00,419 --> 00:12:01,153 ONE DESERVES PARENTAL LEAVE." 245 00:12:01,220 --> 00:12:05,357 THAT'S NOT AN ARGUMENT AGAINST LEAVE. 246 00:12:05,424 --> 00:12:06,759 THAT'S AN ARGUMENT AGAINST HOSPITALS. 247 00:12:06,826 --> 00:12:08,661 ( AS BOEBERT ) "I GAVE BIRTH IN MY TRUCK FOR 248 00:12:08,727 --> 00:12:10,296 THE SAME REASON I GOT MY SON CIRCUMCISED ON AN A.T.V -- 249 00:12:10,362 --> 00:12:13,833 BECAUSE AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR MEDICAL CARE. 250 00:12:13,899 --> 00:12:15,801 I TOOK LAMAZE CLASSES AT THE FORD DEALERSHIP AND GOT MY 251 00:12:15,868 --> 00:12:18,504 EPIDURAL FROM ONE OF THOSE INFLATABLE DANCING GUYS. 252 00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:20,406 HE MISSED AND PUT THE NEEDLE IN MY BRAIN, WHICH IS WHY I'M THIS 253 00:12:20,473 --> 00:12:21,307 WAY! 254 00:12:21,373 --> 00:12:24,643 PLAY BALL!" ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 255 00:12:24,710 --> 00:12:27,813 WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. 256 00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:30,850 MY GUEST IS ANDY COHEN. 257 00:12:30,916 --> 00:12:34,687 BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, HAS JOHN F. KENNEDY JR. COME BACK 258 00:12:34,753 --> 00:12:36,889 WITH A SECRET MESSAGE FOR QANON? 259 00:12:36,956 --> 00:12:41,460 THE ANSWER MAY SURPRISE YOU, IF YOU'RE CLINICALLY INSANE. 260 00:12:41,527 --> 00:12:45,030 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). 261 00:13:15,794 --> 00:13:16,629 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: JON BATISTE AND 262 00:13:16,695 --> 00:13:17,596 STAY HUMAN, EVERYBODY. 263 00:13:17,663 --> 00:13:29,308 THERE YOU GO. 264 00:13:29,375 --> 00:13:32,444 JON, JON, YOU'RE GOING TO WANT TO STICK AROUND TONIGHT. 265 00:13:32,511 --> 00:13:35,014 I KNOW NORMALLY YOU LEAVE WHEN THE GUEST COMES OUT HERE, BUT 266 00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:38,250 YOU'RE GOING TO WANT TO STICK AROUND BECAUSE IT IS OUR DEAR 267 00:13:38,317 --> 00:13:40,786 FRIEND ANDY COHEN IS GOING TO BE HERE TONIGHT. 268 00:13:40,853 --> 00:13:41,954 >> Jon: YES, ANDY COHEN. 269 00:13:42,021 --> 00:13:46,192 >> Stephen: YOU'RE GOING TO WANT TO-- YOU'RE GOING TO WANT 270 00:13:46,258 --> 00:13:48,294 TO WATCH WHAT HAPPENS LIVE. 271 00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:51,397 HE'S SUCH A DELIGHT. 272 00:13:51,463 --> 00:13:55,701 SPEAKING OF DLIETS, THE BAND SOUNDS GREAT TONIGHT AND I 273 00:13:55,768 --> 00:13:58,204 WONDER WHO YOU HAVE SITTING IN WITH YOU. 274 00:13:58,270 --> 00:14:06,312 >> Jon: MID ANY FRIEND, HE CAME HERE TO PLAY AT CARNEGIE 275 00:14:06,378 --> 00:14:12,685 HALL, IBRAHIM ALOUF. 276 00:14:12,751 --> 00:14:18,290 >> Stephen: THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE. 277 00:14:18,357 --> 00:14:20,759 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: IN CASE YOU WERE 278 00:14:20,826 --> 00:14:22,094 WONDERING WHAT YOUR INSANE AUNT IS UP TO, YOU DON'T HAVE TO WAIT 279 00:14:22,161 --> 00:14:24,697 UNTIL THANKSGIVING. 280 00:14:24,763 --> 00:14:27,166 I'LL GIVE YOU THE LATEST CONSPIRACIES IN TONIGHT'S 281 00:14:27,233 --> 00:14:29,535 EDITION OF "THE Q FILES." 282 00:14:29,602 --> 00:14:31,770 THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE. 283 00:14:31,837 --> 00:14:36,976 THE LIES ARE WAY OUT THERE. 284 00:14:37,042 --> 00:14:40,112 THE LATEST IN CUTTING-EDGE CRAZY IS THAT HUNDREDS OF QANON 285 00:14:40,179 --> 00:14:42,581 ADHERENTS GATHERED IN DALLAS, TEXAS, YESTERDAY. 286 00:14:42,648 --> 00:14:43,616 THE REASON? 287 00:14:43,682 --> 00:14:46,852 THEY WERE EXPECTING A BIG ANNOUCEMENT FROM JOHN F. 288 00:14:46,919 --> 00:14:50,589 KENNEDY JR. OF COURSE, J.F.K. JR. DIED 289 00:14:50,656 --> 00:14:54,827 TRAGICALLY 22 YEARS AGO, SO AT THIS POINT, ANY ANNOUNCEMENT 290 00:14:54,893 --> 00:14:56,695 FROM HIM WOULD BE PRETTY BIG. 291 00:14:56,762 --> 00:15:01,700 ( LAUGHTER ) APPARENTLY, THE CREME DE LA 292 00:15:01,767 --> 00:15:02,935 CRAY-CRAY BELIEVE THAT JOHN-JOHN FAKED HIS OWN DEATH, WENT INTO 293 00:15:03,002 --> 00:15:05,237 HIDING, AND IS NOW ACTUALLY THE "Q" THAT THEY FOLLOW ON THE 294 00:15:05,304 --> 00:15:07,940 INTERNET. 295 00:15:08,007 --> 00:15:13,979 AND THEY EXPECTED HIM TO APPEAR IN PUBLIC AND REVEAL ALL OF THIS 296 00:15:14,046 --> 00:15:18,517 YESTERDAY IN DALLAS, AT DEALEY PLAZA, BY THE GRASSY KNOLL. 297 00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:20,185 ( LAUGHTER ) OH, AND THEY HAD TO THROW IN THE 298 00:15:20,252 --> 00:15:22,254 GRASSY KNOLL. 299 00:15:22,321 --> 00:15:25,958 UP UNTIL THEN, IT HAD THE RING OF TRUTH. 300 00:15:26,025 --> 00:15:29,361 WHILE THEY WAITED FOR J.F.K. JR. TO APPEAR, THE CROWD 301 00:15:29,428 --> 00:15:31,263 ENGAGED IN A SPIRITED DEBATE. 302 00:15:31,330 --> 00:15:31,930 >> DID WE LAND ON THE MOON? 303 00:15:31,997 --> 00:15:35,801 >> Crowd: NO! 304 00:15:35,868 --> 00:15:37,936 >> DID WE LAND ON THE MOON? 305 00:15:38,003 --> 00:15:42,808 >> Crowd: NO! 306 00:15:42,875 --> 00:15:44,076 >> Stephen: OOH, LET ME TRY ONE. 307 00:15:44,143 --> 00:15:46,845 WHEN THE MOON HITS YOUR EYE LIKE A BIG PIZZA PIE, IS THAT AMORE? 308 00:15:46,912 --> 00:15:49,181 >> Crowd: NO! 309 00:15:49,248 --> 00:15:50,616 >> Stephen: THEY'RE RIGHT. 310 00:15:50,683 --> 00:15:56,155 KUBRICK FAKED AMORE ON A SOUNDSTAGE IN PHOENIX. 311 00:15:56,221 --> 00:15:58,457 now, SOME OF THESE FOLKS ALSO BELIEVE J.F.K. JR. WILL BE 312 00:15:58,524 --> 00:16:01,960 SEEKING OFFICE SOON, BASED ON THEIR T-SHIRTS SUGGESTING 313 00:16:02,027 --> 00:16:05,864 J.F.K. JR. WOULD BE THE FORMER PRESIDENT'S RUNNING MATE IN 314 00:16:05,931 --> 00:16:07,032 2024. 315 00:16:07,099 --> 00:16:08,534 MAKES SENSE: KENNEDY DIED OVER 20 YEARS AGO, BUT HE'S STILL 316 00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:16,075 MORE LIFE-LIKE THAN MIKE PENCE ( LAUGHTER ) 317 00:16:16,141 --> 00:16:23,282 NOW, SHOCKINGLY, AND I KNOW-- ( APPLAUSE ) 318 00:16:23,349 --> 00:16:26,852 SHOCKINGLY, J.F.K. JR. DID NOT SHOW UP IN DALLAS YESTERDAY 319 00:16:26,919 --> 00:16:31,924 AFTERNOON, DUE TO HIS CHRONIC CASE OF "NOT ALIVE." 320 00:16:31,990 --> 00:16:34,460 BUT THE QANON CROWD DIDN'T LOSE HOPE, BECAUSE RUMORS BEGAN TO 321 00:16:34,526 --> 00:16:36,929 CIRCULATE THAT J.F.K. JR. WOULD INSTEAD APPEAR AT A 322 00:16:36,995 --> 00:16:39,665 CONCERT BY THE ROLLING STONES CONCERT HAT EVENING.NG STONES 323 00:16:39,732 --> 00:16:42,334 GUYS, COME ON. 324 00:16:42,401 --> 00:16:46,004 YOU CAN'T ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT. 325 00:16:46,071 --> 00:16:51,276 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 326 00:16:51,343 --> 00:16:56,582 MIGHT FIND, YOU JUST MIGHT FIND, YOU GET WHAT YOU NEED... WHICH 327 00:16:56,648 --> 00:17:01,954 IS MEDICATION. 328 00:17:02,020 --> 00:17:10,796 SO, THE CONCERT HAPPENED, AND J.F.K. JR. WAS A NO-SHOW. 329 00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:13,031 SOME QANON BELIEVERS WALKED AWAY WITH A NEW THEORY ABOUT HIS 330 00:17:13,098 --> 00:17:14,466 FATHER: THAT ROLLING STONES GUITARIST KEITH RICHARDS 331 00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:18,704 IS, IN FACT, PRESIDENT JOHN F. KENNEDY. 332 00:17:18,771 --> 00:17:19,738 OKAY, THAT IS CRAZY. 333 00:17:19,805 --> 00:17:24,910 PRESIDENT KENNEDY WOULD BE 104 YEARS OLD, AND KEITH 334 00:17:24,977 --> 00:17:26,879 RICHARDS IS CLEARLY WAY OLDER THAN THAT. 335 00:17:26,945 --> 00:17:30,482 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH ANDY COHEN. 336 00:17:30,549 --> 00:17:31,283 COME ON! 337 00:17:31,350 --> 00:17:32,985 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 338 00:17:40,325 --> 00:17:55,174 ( APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪ 339 00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:57,042 >> Stephen: HEY EVERYBODY, WELCOME BACK! 340 00:17:57,109 --> 00:17:57,543 HERE? 341 00:17:57,609 --> 00:18:01,180 WE'RE DOING IT HERE? 342 00:18:01,246 --> 00:18:05,217 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) OH, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THAT 343 00:18:05,284 --> 00:18:06,151 IS FANTASTIC. 344 00:18:06,218 --> 00:18:10,222 THAT IS FANTASTIC. 345 00:18:10,289 --> 00:18:16,195 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HEY, EVERYBODY, FOLKS! 346 00:18:16,261 --> 00:18:23,402 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, OH, YOU'RE IN FOR A TREAT AS PER USUAL. 347 00:18:23,469 --> 00:18:26,238 MY GUEST TONIGHT IS A "NEW YORK TIMES" BESTSELLING AUTHOR AND 348 00:18:26,305 --> 00:18:27,439 THE HOST OF "WATCH WHAT HAPPENS LIVE." 349 00:18:27,506 --> 00:18:30,008 PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," MY FRIEND AND YOURS, 350 00:18:30,075 --> 00:18:30,976 MR. ANDY COHEN. 351 00:18:31,043 --> 00:18:41,019 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 352 00:18:41,086 --> 00:18:47,426 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 353 00:18:47,493 --> 00:18:49,428 >> HOW YOU DOING, MAN! 354 00:18:49,495 --> 00:18:51,163 >> Stephen: I'M DOING GOOD. 355 00:18:51,230 --> 00:18:53,632 IT'S ALWAYS GOOD TO SEE YOU, YOU RAY OF SUNSHINE. 356 00:18:53,699 --> 00:18:56,201 YOU ARE, YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY-- YOU'RE A DELIGHTFUL PERSON. 357 00:18:56,268 --> 00:18:57,536 YOU'RE A GREAT GUEST. 358 00:18:57,603 --> 00:18:59,271 YOU'RE A WONDERFUL HOST. 359 00:18:59,338 --> 00:19:02,875 YOU'RE AMERICA'S SWEETHEART, AND YOU HAVE BEEN JOHNNY-ON-THE-SPOT 360 00:19:02,941 --> 00:19:04,042 FOR ME SO MANY TIMES. 361 00:19:04,109 --> 00:19:06,078 YOU ALWAYS COME IN WITH A TREMENDOUS AMOUNT OF ENERGY AND 362 00:19:06,144 --> 00:19:08,213 YOU ALWAYS MAKE THINGS BETTER. 363 00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:11,583 IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN EVER DO FOR ANDY COHEN? 364 00:19:11,650 --> 00:19:13,519 YOU NAME IT, I'M THERE, MY FRIEND. 365 00:19:13,585 --> 00:19:14,353 >> I'LL WORK ON THAT. 366 00:19:14,419 --> 00:19:17,189 >> Stephen: GOOD LUCK COLLECTING. 367 00:19:17,256 --> 00:19:19,625 >> ACTUALLY, WE DID COLLECT BECAUSE I THINK THE LAST TIME 368 00:19:19,691 --> 00:19:22,594 ANDERSON AND I WERE HERE WE CONNED YOU INTO COMING ON YOUR 369 00:19:22,661 --> 00:19:25,364 NEW YEAR'S SHOW AND DOING A SHOT AND YOU DID. 370 00:19:25,430 --> 00:19:29,134 >> Stephen: I DID, I DID A SHOT ON YOUR NEW YEAR'S SHOW. 371 00:19:29,201 --> 00:19:30,235 SO WE'RE EVEN. 372 00:19:30,302 --> 00:19:31,336 SORRY BUT-- >> NO, BUT -- 373 00:19:31,403 --> 00:19:32,738 >> Stephen: WE'RE EVEN. 374 00:19:32,804 --> 00:19:34,172 WE BOTH HOST TALK SHOWS. 375 00:19:34,239 --> 00:19:36,775 >> YES, WE DO. 376 00:19:36,842 --> 00:19:38,377 >> Stephen: THEY'RE DIFFERENT TALK SHOWS. 377 00:19:38,443 --> 00:19:39,411 >> A LITTLE. 378 00:19:39,478 --> 00:19:41,446 WE COVER THE SAME TOPICS. 379 00:19:41,513 --> 00:19:42,014 WE DO. 380 00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:45,617 >> Stephen: YES, WE DO. 381 00:19:45,684 --> 00:19:46,418 COUNTESS LUANN. 382 00:19:46,485 --> 00:19:48,287 >> Stephen: I HAVE MANY OPINIONS. 383 00:19:48,353 --> 00:19:49,488 >> I KNOW YOU DO. 384 00:19:49,555 --> 00:19:53,025 >> Stephen: LOOKING BACK OVER COVID, BECAUSE WE BOTH HOSTED 385 00:19:53,091 --> 00:19:54,826 FROM HOME FOR MONTHS AND MONTHS AND MONTHS. 386 00:19:54,893 --> 00:19:58,463 DID YOU LEAN INTO PROFESSIONALISM, OR DID YOU LET 387 00:19:58,530 --> 00:20:00,299 IT ALL HANG OUT, BABY? 388 00:20:00,365 --> 00:20:03,001 >> WHAT DO YOU THINK? 389 00:20:03,068 --> 00:20:11,176 >> Stephen: WELL, YOU COME PRE-HUNG OUT. 390 00:20:11,243 --> 00:20:12,945 >> YES, EXACTLY. 391 00:20:13,011 --> 00:20:15,914 I LEANED INTO THE FACT THAT I WAS AT HOME. 392 00:20:15,981 --> 00:20:20,385 I WAS KIND OF SLOPPING MAKEUP ON LIKE THIS MYSELF. 393 00:20:20,452 --> 00:20:22,287 >> Stephen: YOU DID YOUR OWN MAKEUP? 394 00:20:22,354 --> 00:20:23,488 >> I MEAN BARELY, BARELY. 395 00:20:23,555 --> 00:20:25,123 >> Stephen: I DID MY OWN MAKEUP. 396 00:20:25,190 --> 00:20:26,358 >> IT WAS A DISASTER. 397 00:20:26,425 --> 00:20:29,328 I WAS-- THERE WERE SHOWS WHERE I WOULD BE DOING THEM, AND I WAS 398 00:20:29,394 --> 00:20:30,362 LIKE, "IS THIS A SHOW? 399 00:20:30,429 --> 00:20:33,565 WHAT AM I DOING?" THERE WAS ONE NIGHT THAT WE 400 00:20:33,632 --> 00:20:38,837 REALIZED THE NEXT DAY THAT I HAD LEFT MY STEREO ON FOR THE 401 00:20:38,904 --> 00:20:40,606 ENTIRETY OF THE SHOW. 402 00:20:40,672 --> 00:20:43,642 THE GRATEFUL DEAD WAS PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND FOR THE WHOLE 403 00:20:43,709 --> 00:20:44,076 SHOW. 404 00:20:44,142 --> 00:20:44,376 >> Stephen: WOW! 405 00:20:44,443 --> 00:20:45,811 >> YEAH. 406 00:20:45,877 --> 00:20:46,712 NOBODY SEEMED TO NOTICE. 407 00:20:46,778 --> 00:20:48,046 >> Stephen: DID YOU CLEAR ALL THAT MUSIC? 408 00:20:48,113 --> 00:20:50,148 BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO GET THEIR PERMISSION. 409 00:20:50,215 --> 00:20:51,850 >> DIDN'T CLEAR THE MUSIC. 410 00:20:51,917 --> 00:20:54,720 THEY CAN RETROACTIVELY GIVE ME A CALL, I GUESS. 411 00:20:54,786 --> 00:20:55,287 ( LAUGHTER ). 412 00:20:55,354 --> 00:20:57,022 >> Stephen: HIM, NOT ME. 413 00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:58,223 >> YES. 414 00:20:58,290 --> 00:21:00,525 >> Stephen: NOW, ONE OF THE REASONS I LIKE TALKING TO YOU IS 415 00:21:00,592 --> 00:21:02,260 THAT YOU KEEP THINGS INTERESTING. 416 00:21:02,327 --> 00:21:04,262 YOU DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE THINGS THAT YOU SAY. 417 00:21:04,329 --> 00:21:06,965 AS I SAID, YOU LET IT ALL HANG OUT THERE. 418 00:21:07,032 --> 00:21:11,903 HAVE YOU ALWAYS BEEN THAT WAY, OR IS THIS THE PROFESSIONAL 419 00:21:11,970 --> 00:21:12,704 ANDIE? 420 00:21:12,771 --> 00:21:13,872 LIKE GROWING UP, WERE YOU LIKE THAT? 421 00:21:13,939 --> 00:21:15,907 WERE YOU A, I GUESS, TROUBLEMAKER? 422 00:21:15,974 --> 00:21:18,710 >> I WAS A LITTLE BIT OF A ( BLEEP ). 423 00:21:18,777 --> 00:21:21,413 I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN SAY THAT ON CBS. 424 00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:22,414 >> Stephen: YOU CANNOT. 425 00:21:22,481 --> 00:21:23,682 >> YES, OKAY, VERY GOOD. 426 00:21:23,749 --> 00:21:25,884 >> Stephen: IN CASE YOU WANT TO KNOW. 427 00:21:25,951 --> 00:21:27,552 THE RESULTS ARE BACK IN, AND THEY'RE SAYING NO. 428 00:21:27,619 --> 00:21:31,590 >> THERE'S KIND OF A FAMOUS STORY IN MY FAMILY THAT I THINK 429 00:21:31,657 --> 00:21:35,427 REALLY ENCAPSULATES WHO I WAS THEN AND WHO I AM NOW. 430 00:21:35,494 --> 00:21:39,498 WE WERE HAVING DINNER ONE 90-- THIS IS PROBABLY IN THE EARLY 431 00:21:39,564 --> 00:21:40,565 80s. 432 00:21:40,632 --> 00:21:43,902 AND THE DINNER WAS-- IT WAS STARTING TO GET A LITTLE 433 00:21:43,969 --> 00:21:44,803 MUNDANE. 434 00:21:44,870 --> 00:21:45,971 IT WAS BORING -- >> Stephen: JUST A NORMAL 435 00:21:46,038 --> 00:21:47,205 DINNER? 436 00:21:47,272 --> 00:21:50,676 >> YEAH, JUST A FAMILY DINNER, IT WAS JUST A, WHATEVER, TUESDAY 437 00:21:50,742 --> 00:21:51,843 NIGHT. 438 00:21:51,910 --> 00:21:53,945 AND I THINK THINKING, MAN, THIS IS A LITTLE LISTLESS, THIS 439 00:21:54,012 --> 00:21:55,013 DINNER. 440 00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:58,150 AND I SAID, "WOW, I CAN'T BELIEVE RICHARD NIXON DIED 441 00:21:58,216 --> 00:21:59,117 TODAY." 442 00:21:59,184 --> 00:22:01,119 AND, NOW, RICHARD NIXON HAD NOT PASSED AWAY -- 443 00:22:01,186 --> 00:22:02,154 >> Stephen: HOW OLD WERE YOU? 444 00:22:02,220 --> 00:22:03,922 >> I WAS PROBABLY 10 OR 11. 445 00:22:03,989 --> 00:22:05,757 AND MY -- >> Stephen: THAT'S A WEIRD 446 00:22:05,824 --> 00:22:08,660 THING FOR A 10- OR 11-YEAR-OLD TO USE AS A GAG. 447 00:22:08,727 --> 00:22:09,961 >> IT IS! 448 00:22:10,028 --> 00:22:12,497 I WANTED TO SPICE UP THE VIBE. 449 00:22:12,564 --> 00:22:15,300 AND JUST SEE HOW MY PARENTS WOULD REACT. 450 00:22:15,367 --> 00:22:17,536 MY MOM JUMPED UP TO TURN THE TV ON. 451 00:22:17,602 --> 00:22:18,704 SHE TURNED IT ON. 452 00:22:18,770 --> 00:22:21,039 AND I SAID, "JUST KIDDING." 453 00:22:21,106 --> 00:22:25,444 AND THEN THE WHOLE CONVERSATION WAS, "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU 454 00:22:25,510 --> 00:22:28,914 THAT YOU WOULD THINK, "A," THAT THAT'S FUNNY. 455 00:22:28,980 --> 00:22:34,820 AND "B," WHY WOULD YOU--" I WAS LIKE, "I JUST WANTED TO SEE WHAT 456 00:22:34,886 --> 00:22:35,987 HAPPENED." 457 00:22:36,054 --> 00:22:37,889 >> Stephen: I GOT TO TELL A ROOM OF PEOPLE THAT NIXON DIED 458 00:22:37,956 --> 00:22:38,890 ACTUALLY. 459 00:22:38,957 --> 00:22:40,192 THE NIGHT HE DIED I WAS ON STAGE AT SECOND CITY. 460 00:22:40,258 --> 00:22:41,326 >> WOW. 461 00:22:41,393 --> 00:22:42,094 >> Stephen: IT'S A TWO-HOUR SHOW AND THERE WAS AN IMPROV 462 00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:44,563 SET, AND I WOULD TAKE SUGGESTION. 463 00:22:44,629 --> 00:22:45,797 I WENT BACKSTAGE, AND SOMEBODY WAS TAKING THE SUGGESTIONS, AND 464 00:22:45,864 --> 00:22:47,599 I THINK IT WAS STEVE CARELL. 465 00:22:47,666 --> 00:22:51,503 AND WENT OUT AND SAID, "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PRESIDENT NIXON 466 00:22:51,570 --> 00:22:54,573 HAS DIED." 467 00:22:54,639 --> 00:22:58,844 AND THEY THOUGHT I WAS JOKING BECAUSE IT WAS ON STAGE. 468 00:22:58,910 --> 00:23:00,946 AND THEY SAW ON MY FACE I WASN'T. 469 00:23:01,012 --> 00:23:08,086 THEY MADE THREE SOUNDS THEY WENT LIKE THIS: HA-HA. 470 00:23:08,153 --> 00:23:08,320 OH... 471 00:23:08,386 --> 00:23:08,820 OH." 472 00:23:08,887 --> 00:23:10,055 THAT WAS THE SOUND. 473 00:23:10,122 --> 00:23:12,858 >> I TOLD THIS STORY BEFORE, BUT I WAS LIVE AFTER AN EPISODE OF 474 00:23:12,924 --> 00:23:18,130 "THE ORANGE COUNTY HOUSEWIVES" ONE NIGHT, THE NIGHT OSAMA BIN 475 00:23:18,196 --> 00:23:22,434 LADEN DIED, AND I ANNOUNCED IT BECAUSE IT HAPPENED MOMENTS 476 00:23:22,501 --> 00:23:23,502 BEFORE WE WENT ON THE AIR. 477 00:23:23,568 --> 00:23:24,569 WE WERE LIVE. 478 00:23:24,636 --> 00:23:27,372 AND I THOUGHT, YOU KNOW, I WORKED, AT CBS NEWS FOR 10 479 00:23:27,439 --> 00:23:28,173 YEARS. 480 00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:31,510 I WAS LIKE, IT'S MY-- AS A BRAFDER -- 481 00:23:31,576 --> 00:23:32,677 >> Stephen: IT'S YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. 482 00:23:32,744 --> 00:23:35,647 >> I NEED TO TELL THE PEOPLE WHAT IS GOING ON. 483 00:23:35,714 --> 00:23:38,717 AND OUR AUDIENCE DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO-- THIS WAS, OBVIOUSLY, A 484 00:23:38,784 --> 00:23:40,218 GREAT VILLAIN WHO HAD DIED. 485 00:23:40,285 --> 00:23:41,386 >> Stephen: YES. 486 00:23:41,453 --> 00:23:45,090 >> THERE WAS SOME-- IT WAS VERY ODD AND IT WAS NOT-- I HAD 487 00:23:45,157 --> 00:23:50,929 ALEXIS BELINO NEXT TO ME, WHO WAS GREAT "ORANGE COUNTY 488 00:23:50,996 --> 00:23:55,801 HOUSEWIVES," WHO WAS REFERRED TO BY HER ENEMIES AS "JESUS JUGS." 489 00:23:55,867 --> 00:23:58,937 IT WAS A VERY AWKWARD AFFAIR. 490 00:23:59,004 --> 00:24:00,105 IT'S TO YOUTUBE. 491 00:24:00,172 --> 00:24:04,309 >> Stephen: WHY-- THIS IS ON ME FOR NOT GOING-- WHY WAS SHE 492 00:24:04,376 --> 00:24:05,877 CALLED BY HER ENEMIES JESUS JUGS? 493 00:24:05,944 --> 00:24:10,882 >> OBVIOUSLY, YOU WOULD HAVE TO ASK TAMARA THAT, STEPHEN. 494 00:24:10,949 --> 00:24:19,991 ( APPLAUSE ) O>> Stephen: COULD THEY TURN 495 00:24:20,058 --> 00:24:20,792 WATER INTO WINE? 496 00:24:20,859 --> 00:24:22,928 WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK, ANDIE. 497 00:24:22,994 --> 00:24:24,095 STICK AROUND. 498 00:24:24,162 --> 00:24:26,064 WHEN I COME BACK, I WILL ASK ANDIE ABOUT AN ENCOUNTER WITH 499 00:24:26,131 --> 00:24:28,233 MERYL STREEP YOU'LL WANT TO KNOW ABOUT. 500 00:24:28,300 --> 00:24:30,001 ( APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪ 501 00:24:41,513 --> 00:24:42,647 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, 502 00:24:42,714 --> 00:24:48,220 WE'RE BACK HERE WITH THE AUTHOR OF "GLITTER EVERY DAY," ANDY 503 00:24:48,286 --> 00:24:48,720 COHEN. 504 00:24:48,787 --> 00:24:49,821 YOU HAVE A NEW BOOK. 505 00:24:49,888 --> 00:24:51,723 >> I DO, THANK YOU! 506 00:24:51,790 --> 00:24:55,760 >> Stephen: THE BOOK IS CALLED "GLITTER EVERY DAY: 365 QUOTES 507 00:24:55,827 --> 00:24:56,628 FROM I LOVE." 508 00:24:56,695 --> 00:24:57,929 SO THIS IS A QUOTE A DAY. 509 00:24:57,996 --> 00:25:00,332 >> IT'S A QUOTE-A-DAY BOOK. 510 00:25:00,398 --> 00:25:05,570 IT'S A CELEBRATION OF WOMEN I LOVE HIGH TO LOVE, FROM MY 511 00:25:05,637 --> 00:25:07,939 MOTHER, TO MADONNA, TO MALALA. 512 00:25:08,006 --> 00:25:09,841 >> A WOMAN IS LIKE A TEA BAG. 513 00:25:09,908 --> 00:25:14,412 YOU NEVER KNOW HOW STRONG IT IS UNTIL IT IS IN HOT WATER. 514 00:25:14,479 --> 00:25:15,413 >> GREAT QUOTE. 515 00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:15,981 >> Stephen: ABSOLUTELY. 516 00:25:16,047 --> 00:25:17,916 SO WHO ELSE IS IN HERE? 517 00:25:17,983 --> 00:25:19,751 >> OH, MY GOSH. 518 00:25:19,818 --> 00:25:27,993 MY MOM, MADONNA, MALALA, DORINDA FROM THE "NEW YORK HOUSEWIVES. 519 00:25:28,059 --> 00:25:30,328 >> Stephen: MALALA, DORINDA, VERY SIMILAR. 520 00:25:30,395 --> 00:25:32,697 >> ALL GREAT WOMEN. 521 00:25:32,764 --> 00:25:35,767 >> Stephen: IS JESUS JUGS IN HERE, TOO? 522 00:25:35,834 --> 00:25:36,735 >> SHE'S NOT. 523 00:25:36,801 --> 00:25:37,736 >> Stephen: THAT'S TOO BAD. 524 00:25:37,802 --> 00:25:40,238 HOW DO PEOPLE MAKE THE CUT OR NOT MAKE THE CUT? 525 00:25:40,305 --> 00:25:41,373 WHAT'S YOUR STANDARD? 526 00:25:41,439 --> 00:25:43,875 >> I WAS MAKING BIG LISTS OF WOMEN THAT I LOVE AND ERP WE 527 00:25:43,942 --> 00:25:46,811 WERE LOOKING FOR QUOTES THAT RESONATED TO ME. 528 00:25:46,878 --> 00:25:48,213 >> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE QUOTE IN HERE? 529 00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:52,217 >> YOU KNOW WHAT I LOVE-- I MEAN, THERE IS-- THERE ARE SO 530 00:25:52,284 --> 00:25:53,151 MANY. 531 00:25:53,218 --> 00:25:54,653 THAT ELEANOR ROOSEVELT ONE IS REALLY GREAT. 532 00:25:54,719 --> 00:26:00,825 THERE'S A QUOTE FROM "ATLANTA HOUSEWIFE" SHOULD, ELAIA 533 00:26:00,892 --> 00:26:04,696 WHITFIELD, "WHO GONNA CHECK ME, BOO?" 534 00:26:04,763 --> 00:26:08,667 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: AND THAT-- THAT IS 535 00:26:08,733 --> 00:26:09,668 WHO? 536 00:26:09,734 --> 00:26:12,103 >> WELL, IT'S-- IT'S JUST A RHETORICAL QUESTION. 537 00:26:12,170 --> 00:26:15,006 IT'S JUST THE ULTIMATE CLAP-BACK. 538 00:26:15,073 --> 00:26:16,308 >> Stephen: ONE MORE TIME, PLEASE? 539 00:26:16,374 --> 00:26:18,877 >> IT'S THE ULTIMATE CLAP-BACK. 540 00:26:18,944 --> 00:26:20,178 >> Stephen: WHAT IS THE QUOTE AGAIN. 541 00:26:20,245 --> 00:26:25,283 >> IT'S "WHO GONNA CHECK ME, BOO?" 542 00:26:25,350 --> 00:26:25,684 >> Stephen: NOT I. 543 00:26:25,750 --> 00:26:26,818 >> THANK YOU. 544 00:26:26,885 --> 00:26:32,691 >> Stephen: I SHALL NEVER CHECK YOU BOO, BUT, BOO, IS A 545 00:26:32,757 --> 00:26:34,426 TERM OF ENDEARMENT. 546 00:26:34,492 --> 00:26:35,827 >> UNLESS IT ENDS THAT SENTENCE. 547 00:26:35,894 --> 00:26:40,065 >> Stephen: IN WHICH CASE IT'S LIKE, "BULDY." 548 00:26:40,131 --> 00:26:40,532 >> YES. 549 00:26:40,598 --> 00:26:41,566 >> Stephen: I SEE. 550 00:26:41,633 --> 00:26:42,801 >> LIKE WISE GUY. 551 00:26:42,867 --> 00:26:44,436 >> Stephen: YOU THERE YOU GO. 552 00:26:44,502 --> 00:26:49,574 YOU WRITE IN HERE ABOUT PLAYING A GAME OF IS THAT RAIDS WITH, 553 00:26:49,641 --> 00:26:52,410 AMONG OTHER PEOPLE, AND THIS IS A HARROWING GROUP OF PEOPLE, 554 00:26:52,477 --> 00:26:53,645 MERYL STREEP. 555 00:26:53,712 --> 00:26:56,314 >> YES, UNDER THE MERYL STREEP QUOTE-- I THINK SHE'S IN THERE A 556 00:26:56,381 --> 00:27:01,453 COUPLE OF TIMES-- I RECT I WAS AT A PARTY, A CHRISTMAS PARTY AT 557 00:27:01,519 --> 00:27:05,090 THE GREAT, THE LATE, GREAT, NATASHA RICHARDSON'S HOUSE, WHO 558 00:27:05,156 --> 00:27:07,525 WAS A DEAR FRIEND OF MINE FOR YEARS. 559 00:27:07,592 --> 00:27:09,928 AND SHE PUT-- SHE WAS THE GREATEST HOSTESS EVER. 560 00:27:09,995 --> 00:27:15,166 I MEAN, SHE PUT TOGETHER THE BEST GROUPS WITH THE BEST FOOD 561 00:27:15,233 --> 00:27:16,668 THAT SHE MADE ALL OF. 562 00:27:16,735 --> 00:27:20,138 AND WE WERE AT A CHRISTMAS PARTY AT HER HOUSE, SHE TYPICALLY 563 00:27:20,205 --> 00:27:23,041 WOULD END HER CHRISTMAS PARTIES WITH A GAME OF CHARADES, WHEN WE 564 00:27:23,108 --> 00:27:25,510 WERE ALL IN OUR CUPS, AS ONE MIGHT SAY. 565 00:27:25,577 --> 00:27:26,811 >> Stephen: TON OF FUN. 566 00:27:26,878 --> 00:27:28,013 WHO ARE WE TALKING? 567 00:27:28,079 --> 00:27:32,150 >> WE'RE TALKING MERYL STREEP, AND RAY FINES AND NATASHA AND 568 00:27:32,217 --> 00:27:36,321 LIAM, AND JOHN BENJAMIN HICKEY, AND I BELIEVE STEPHEN SONDHEIM 569 00:27:36,388 --> 00:27:36,788 WAS THERE. 570 00:27:36,855 --> 00:27:37,355 >> Stephen: WHAT? 571 00:27:37,422 --> 00:27:38,423 >> IT WAS A HEADY GROUP. 572 00:27:38,490 --> 00:27:39,057 >> Stephen: AND YOU? 573 00:27:39,124 --> 00:27:41,926 >> AND I AM A POOR ACTOR. 574 00:27:41,993 --> 00:27:43,061 I CANNOT ACT. 575 00:27:43,128 --> 00:27:47,465 I AM TERRIBLE, NOT GREAT AT CHARADES, EITHER. 576 00:27:47,532 --> 00:27:50,802 I WAS ACTING OUT, AND I THINK THAT I CALLED JOHN HICKEY AND 577 00:27:50,869 --> 00:27:54,105 ASKED HIM, AND HE SAID, I BELIEVE IT WAS NORAH JONES, AND 578 00:27:54,172 --> 00:27:56,741 THIS TELLS YOU AROUND THE TIME THIS SONG CAME OUT, WHEN THIS 579 00:27:56,808 --> 00:27:57,776 WAS. 580 00:27:57,842 --> 00:28:01,112 IT WAS NORAH JONES "DON'T KNOW WHY I DIDN'T COME." 581 00:28:01,179 --> 00:28:01,780 YES. 582 00:28:01,846 --> 00:28:05,250 I THINK I WAS ACTING THAT OUT. 583 00:28:05,316 --> 00:28:06,418 AND-- ( LAUGHTER ). 584 00:28:06,484 --> 00:28:08,720 >> Stephen: I-- I WOULD NOT MIND SEEING YOU ACT THAT OUT. 585 00:28:08,787 --> 00:28:14,492 >> WELL, I WAS NOT DOING A GREAT JOB. 586 00:28:14,559 --> 00:28:17,929 AND MERYL STREEP TURNS TO JOHN AND SAYS, "I DON'T KNOW WHAT 587 00:28:17,996 --> 00:28:23,068 HE'S DOING, BUT I NEVER WANT HIM TO STOP." 588 00:28:23,134 --> 00:28:24,069 WHICH... 589 00:28:24,135 --> 00:28:25,570 ( APPLAUSE ) IS MAYBE THE BEST REVIEW I'LL 590 00:28:25,637 --> 00:28:26,037 EVER GET. 591 00:28:26,104 --> 00:28:26,638 >> Stephen: SURE. 592 00:28:26,704 --> 00:28:28,706 >> IT'S NOT A BAD REVIEW. 593 00:28:28,773 --> 00:28:29,941 >> Stephen: SURE. 594 00:28:30,008 --> 00:28:36,414 IS THERE-- IS THERE ONE IN HERE THAT-- DO YOU QUOTE YOURSELF? 595 00:28:36,481 --> 00:28:37,816 DO YOU-- >> I DON'T. 596 00:28:37,882 --> 00:28:39,084 I'M NOT A LADY. 597 00:28:39,150 --> 00:28:40,919 >> Stephen: I FORGOT. 598 00:28:40,985 --> 00:28:41,953 IT'S ALL WOMEN, I APOLOGIZE. 599 00:28:42,020 --> 00:28:43,288 >> IT'S ALL WOMEN I LOCH. 600 00:28:43,354 --> 00:28:44,389 I DON'T QUOTE MYSELF. 601 00:28:44,456 --> 00:28:46,558 MY MOM IS IN THERE A FEW TIMES. 602 00:28:46,624 --> 00:28:48,760 GREAT QUOTE FROM MY MOM WHEN I CAME OUT TO HER. 603 00:28:48,827 --> 00:28:52,730 HER RESPONSE WAS, "I PROBABLY WOULD HAVE HATED YOUR WIFE, 604 00:28:52,797 --> 00:28:53,531 ANYWAY." 605 00:28:53,598 --> 00:28:54,365 ( APPLAUSE ) AND YOU KNOW WHAT? 606 00:28:54,432 --> 00:28:55,100 SHE PROBABLY WOULD HAVE. 607 00:28:55,166 --> 00:28:56,468 >> Stephen: THAT'S REALLY NICE. 608 00:28:56,534 --> 00:28:58,136 THAT'S A VERY SWEET THING TO SAY. 609 00:28:58,203 --> 00:28:59,904 >> IT IS, WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT. 610 00:28:59,971 --> 00:29:02,507 >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE ANOTHER BREAK ANDIE, BUT WHEN WE 611 00:29:02,574 --> 00:29:05,510 COME BACK, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, ANDIE IS GOING TO GIVE YOU SOME 612 00:29:05,577 --> 00:29:07,679 TIPS ON HOW TO KEEP YOUR THANKSGIVING DINNER DRAMATIC. 613 00:29:07,745 --> 00:29:08,413 STICK AROUND. 614 00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:09,948 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 615 00:29:34,739 --> 00:29:37,509 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY. 616 00:29:37,575 --> 00:29:38,910 I'M NOT. 617 00:29:38,977 --> 00:29:40,145 HEY, EVERYBODY. 618 00:29:40,211 --> 00:29:44,849 WE'RE BACK WITH THE AUTHOR OF "GLITTER EVERY DAY," ANDY COHEN. 619 00:29:44,916 --> 00:29:50,855 YOU JUST ANNOUNCED-- THIS IS A BIG MOVE IN ANDIE WORLD, WHICH 620 00:29:50,922 --> 00:29:51,623 I'VE JUST COINED. 621 00:29:51,689 --> 00:29:53,458 CAN I COIN ANDIE WORLD. 622 00:29:53,525 --> 00:29:54,425 >> THANK YOU, YES. 623 00:29:54,492 --> 00:29:56,261 >> Stephen: IS THAT "REAL HOUSEWIVES" IS GOING 624 00:29:56,327 --> 00:29:56,694 INTERNATIONAL. 625 00:29:56,761 --> 00:29:58,163 >> YES, WE ARE. 626 00:29:58,229 --> 00:29:59,497 >> Stephen: WHERE ARE YOU GUYS GOING? 627 00:29:59,564 --> 00:30:02,534 >> DUBAI. 628 00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:04,702 YES, BILLIONAIRES' PLAYGROUND. 629 00:30:04,769 --> 00:30:06,905 >> Stephen: FIRST OF ALL, SHOULD STEP ONE OF WORLD 630 00:30:06,971 --> 00:30:07,205 DOMINION? 631 00:30:07,272 --> 00:30:07,872 >> YES. 632 00:30:07,939 --> 00:30:09,207 >> Stephen: WORLD DOMINATION. 633 00:30:09,274 --> 00:30:10,542 >> WORLD DOMINATION, THIS IS IT. 634 00:30:10,608 --> 00:30:14,245 >> Stephen: HAVE YOU ALREADY IDENTIFIED WHO THESE REAL 635 00:30:14,312 --> 00:30:14,646 HOUSEWIVES ARE? 636 00:30:14,712 --> 00:30:15,713 >> WE HAVE. 637 00:30:15,780 --> 00:30:17,782 WE HAVEN'T ANNOUNCED THE CAST YET. 638 00:30:17,849 --> 00:30:19,284 >> Stephen: YOU CAN'T GIVE US ANY HINTS? 639 00:30:19,350 --> 00:30:20,485 >> I CANNOT, NO. 640 00:30:20,552 --> 00:30:22,487 >> Stephen: NOT EVEN A HINT? 641 00:30:22,554 --> 00:30:30,195 WHAT FLOOR OF THE B THE BERGE DO LIVE ON? 642 00:30:30,261 --> 00:30:31,296 >> 120. 643 00:30:31,362 --> 00:30:38,536 >> Stephen: THE 15th VERSERY OF "HOUSE WIVES" IS THIS 644 00:30:38,603 --> 00:30:39,537 YEAR. 645 00:30:39,604 --> 00:30:42,540 YOU DESCRIBE IT AS "SOCIOLOGICAL TIME CAPSULES." 646 00:30:42,607 --> 00:30:43,208 >> YES. 647 00:30:43,274 --> 00:30:44,375 >> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 648 00:30:44,442 --> 00:30:46,010 >> I THINK IF YOU LOOK BACK, ESPECIALLY AT THE EARLY YEARS 649 00:30:46,077 --> 00:30:51,849 WHEN WE LOOKED BACK, WHEN WE HAD THE "REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ORANGE 650 00:30:51,916 --> 00:30:53,518 COUNTY" IN THOSE EARLY YEARS. 651 00:30:53,585 --> 00:30:54,752 >> Stephen: SURE. 652 00:30:54,819 --> 00:31:00,058 >> YOU CAN LOOK AT THOSE THOSE AND IT WAS LIKE SOCIOLOGY OF THE 653 00:31:00,124 --> 00:31:04,862 NOUVEAU REACH LIVING IN GATED COMMUNITIES, HOW THEY BEHAVED AT 654 00:31:04,929 --> 00:31:08,099 CERTAIN TIMES, HOW THEY DRESSED, HOW THEY INTERACTED. 655 00:31:08,166 --> 00:31:11,836 AND SOMEWHERE YOU COULD PUT THEM ON A SPACESHIP AND JUST SHOCK 656 00:31:11,903 --> 00:31:15,273 THE STRATOSPHERE UP THERE. 657 00:31:15,340 --> 00:31:18,243 >> Stephen: HOLIDAYS ARE COMING UP. 658 00:31:18,309 --> 00:31:19,444 >> YES. 659 00:31:19,510 --> 00:31:22,113 >> Stephen: AND YOU KNOW DRAMA AND THROWING WINE IN PEOPLE'S 660 00:31:22,180 --> 00:31:23,281 FACES. 661 00:31:23,348 --> 00:31:26,551 CAN YOU GIVE ANY ADVICE ON PEOPLE WHO MIGHT BE DEALING WITH 662 00:31:26,618 --> 00:31:27,785 DRAMA AT THE FAMILY TABLE? 663 00:31:27,852 --> 00:31:30,722 >> MY ADVICE IS LEAN INTO IT. 664 00:31:30,788 --> 00:31:34,325 IF IF YOU HAVE TWO PEOPLE AT THE TABLE WHO DON'T LIKE EACH OTHER, 665 00:31:34,392 --> 00:31:36,427 MAKE THE DINNER INTERESTING FOR EVERYONE. 666 00:31:36,494 --> 00:31:39,931 SAY TO THEM, "WHAT'S THE ISSUE?" YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 667 00:31:39,998 --> 00:31:40,832 >> Stephen: REALLY? 668 00:31:40,898 --> 00:31:41,833 >> YES, ABSOLUTELY! 669 00:31:41,899 --> 00:31:45,169 MAKE IT A DINNER TO REMEMBER! 670 00:31:45,236 --> 00:31:46,404 ABSOLUTELY! 671 00:31:46,471 --> 00:31:48,373 >> Stephen: SO THE VACCINATED PERSON NEXT TO THE UNVACCINATED 672 00:31:48,439 --> 00:31:48,873 PERSON. 673 00:31:48,940 --> 00:31:51,175 >> EXACTLY, EXACTLY! 674 00:31:51,242 --> 00:31:52,377 I LOVE IT. 675 00:31:52,443 --> 00:31:57,015 OR JUST SOMETHING SIMPLE LIKE, YOU KNOW, AUNT TRUDY, DID YOU 676 00:31:57,081 --> 00:31:59,417 THINK THOSE PANTS WERE THE BECHT CHOICE FOR TONIGHT? 677 00:31:59,484 --> 00:32:01,886 AND WHY DID YOU THINK THAT?" ABSOLUTELY. 678 00:32:01,953 --> 00:32:03,121 >> Stephen: BECAUSE THEY'RE HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDSTOOTH. 679 00:32:03,187 --> 00:32:03,921 >> RIGHT. 680 00:32:03,988 --> 00:32:07,258 >> Stephen: AND IT'S VERY FORGIVING. 681 00:32:07,325 --> 00:32:08,226 >> I KNOW. 682 00:32:08,293 --> 00:32:12,664 "AUNT TRUDY, LOOK AT YOUR TU CAS IN THE PANTS. 683 00:32:12,730 --> 00:32:15,033 >> Stephen: THEY WOULD LOVE ME TO WRAP OVER THERE AND I WON'T 684 00:32:15,099 --> 00:32:15,633 DO IT. 685 00:32:15,700 --> 00:32:17,001 >> GOOD, SCREW WITH THEM. 686 00:32:17,068 --> 00:32:18,836 >> Stephen: I WON'T DO IT. 687 00:32:18,903 --> 00:32:21,539 DO PEOPLE EVER SAY TO YOU OVER YOUR SHOULDER, "YOU HAVE TO WRAP 688 00:32:21,606 --> 00:32:22,106 IT UP? 689 00:32:22,173 --> 00:32:23,274 YOU HAVE TO WRAP IT UP." 690 00:32:23,341 --> 00:32:25,743 >> I'M LIVE SO I DO HAVE TO WRAP IT UP. 691 00:32:25,810 --> 00:32:26,944 >> Stephen: WHY? 692 00:32:27,011 --> 00:32:29,314 >> BECAUSE I'M GOING TO GET BOOTED OFF THE AIR BY A-- BY THE 693 00:32:29,380 --> 00:32:31,382 MACHINE THAT CUTS US OFF THE AIR. 694 00:32:31,449 --> 00:32:32,250 >> Stephen: IS IT ROBOTS? 695 00:32:32,317 --> 00:32:34,686 >> I DON'T KNOW HOW IT WORKS, BUT, YES. 696 00:32:34,752 --> 00:32:38,389 I KNOW THEY HIT THE WALL -- >> Stephen: IT'S ALWAYS LIVE? 697 00:32:38,456 --> 00:32:39,457 "WATCH WHAT HAPPENS LIVE" IS ALWAYS LIVE? 698 00:32:39,524 --> 00:32:42,260 >> NO, YOU'VE BEEN ON BEFORE WHEN IT'S BEEN ON TAPE. 699 00:32:42,327 --> 00:32:43,961 >> Stephen: SO YOU'RE LYING TO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE. 700 00:32:44,028 --> 00:32:46,764 >> NO, I'M NOT. 701 00:32:46,831 --> 00:32:47,932 SOMETIMES IT'S LIVE. 702 00:32:47,999 --> 00:32:49,867 THERE ARE TIMES I HAVE BEEN SIPTING WITH YOU, AND I GET SO 703 00:32:49,934 --> 00:32:52,770 ENCHANTED WITH YOU AS YOU ARE WITH ME RIGHT NOW. 704 00:32:52,837 --> 00:32:54,472 >> Stephen: AND YOU HAVE A BAR. 705 00:32:54,539 --> 00:32:57,542 >> WHAT I LOVE WHEN YOU'RE AT MY SHOW, YOU HAVE TRULY WALKED OUT 706 00:32:57,608 --> 00:32:58,843 OF MY PLACE LEGLESS. 707 00:32:58,910 --> 00:32:59,744 LEGLESS. 708 00:32:59,811 --> 00:33:01,412 >> Stephen: I HAVE, I HAVE. 709 00:33:01,479 --> 00:33:04,182 BECAUSE USUALLY-- DO YOU SHOOT MORE THAN ONE IN AN EVENING OR 710 00:33:04,248 --> 00:33:05,316 SOMETHING LIKE THAT? 711 00:33:05,383 --> 00:33:06,417 >> SOME NIGHTS. 712 00:33:06,484 --> 00:33:08,653 >> Stephen: BECAUSE I GET THERE, AND I'M NOT THE FIRST 713 00:33:08,720 --> 00:33:10,822 GUY, AND THERE'S BARE IN YOUR DRESSING ROOM. 714 00:33:10,888 --> 00:33:17,095 AND I GET-- I GET-- I GET MY CRUNK ON BEFORE I SEE YOU. 715 00:33:17,161 --> 00:33:21,332 AND AFTER I SAY, "WHAT THE ( BLEEP ) DID I SAY TO ANDIE?" 716 00:33:21,399 --> 00:33:25,203 AND I TURN TO KERRY, OUR DEAR FRIEND, MY PUBLICIST. 717 00:33:25,269 --> 00:33:26,771 AND I GO, "WHAT DID I SAY? 718 00:33:26,838 --> 00:33:29,207 SHOULD I BEG HIM TO CUT SOME OF THAT? 719 00:33:29,273 --> 00:33:32,310 AND SHE WAS LIKE, "IT WAS GREAT." 720 00:33:32,377 --> 00:33:33,177 >> IT ALWAYS IS. 721 00:33:33,244 --> 00:33:34,679 >> Stephen: PLEASE HAVE ME BACK. 722 00:33:34,746 --> 00:33:35,747 >> PLEASE COME BACK. 723 00:33:35,813 --> 00:33:38,950 MAYBE YOU'LL COME ON OUR NEW YEAR'S SHOW WITH ME AND 724 00:33:39,016 --> 00:33:40,084 ANDERSON. 725 00:33:40,151 --> 00:33:45,256 >> Stephen: I ABSOLUTELY-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 726 00:33:45,323 --> 00:33:47,725 I, MY FRIEND, WILL BE WATCHING. 727 00:33:47,792 --> 00:33:52,029 >> OH! 728 00:33:52,096 --> 00:33:53,598 ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: HIS BOOK, "GLITTER 729 00:33:53,664 --> 00:33:55,366 EVERY DAY," IS AVAILABLE NOW. 730 00:33:55,433 --> 00:33:56,434 ANDY COHEN, EVERYBODY! 731 00:33:56,501 --> 00:33:59,370 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY THUNDERCAT. 732 00:33:59,437 --> 00:34:04,175 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 733 00:34:04,242 --> 00:34:07,345 >> NORMAN, ARE YOU CONCERNED ABOUT TRUMP'S POWER OVER THE 734 00:34:07,412 --> 00:34:08,513 REPUBLICAN PARTY? 735 00:34:08,579 --> 00:34:12,750 OR ARE YOU EXCITED ABOUT HOW MUCH WATER WE'LL SAVE BY MAGA 736 00:34:12,817 --> 00:34:15,787 VOTERS EXCLUSIVELY GOING TO THE BATHROOM IN NA NANCY PELOSI'S DE 737 00:34:15,853 --> 00:34:20,758 >> I AM DEEPLY DISTURBED. 738 00:34:20,825 --> 00:34:27,665 AS A MATTER OF FACT, I FIND MYSELF DEEPLY DISTURBED ABOUT 739 00:34:27,732 --> 00:34:31,235 WITHER GOEST OUR AMERICA GENERALLY. 740 00:34:31,302 --> 00:34:34,906 I FLEW SHIFTY MISSIONS AND DROPPED BOMBS 35 TIMES, OR 741 00:34:34,972 --> 00:34:38,042 SOMETHING, ON GERMAN TARGETS. 742 00:34:38,109 --> 00:34:46,517 AND CAME BACK FROM THE WAR AND SLOWLY BEGAN TO WONDER IF WE 743 00:34:46,584 --> 00:34:51,689 WEREN'T TAKING OURSELVES TOO SERIOUSLY, SEEMING LIKE GOD'S 744 00:34:51,756 --> 00:34:53,891 CHOSEN. 745 00:34:53,958 --> 00:34:59,931 AND I HAD THE FIRM BELIEF THAT WE WERE ALL GOD'S CHOSEN. 746 00:35:11,008 --> 00:35:14,846 "DRAGONBALL DURAG" FROM HIS ALBUM, "IT IS WHAT IT IS," WITH 747 00:35:14,912 --> 00:35:18,316 JON BATISTE, THUNDERCAT! 748 00:35:18,382 --> 00:35:20,852 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪ 749 00:35:20,918 --> 00:35:26,824 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 750 00:35:26,891 --> 00:35:31,062 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ I FEEL KINDA FLY 751 00:35:31,128 --> 00:35:37,835 STANDIN' NEXT TO YOU ♪ BABY GIRL, 752 00:35:37,902 --> 00:35:41,739 HOW DO I LOOK IN MY DURAG? 753 00:35:41,806 --> 00:35:42,707 ♪ WOULD YOU TELL ME THE TRUTH? 754 00:35:42,773 --> 00:35:46,277 STAY WITH ME ♪ AND LOVE ME THROUGH THE NIGHT, 755 00:35:46,344 --> 00:35:53,985 ENDLESSLY ♪ I'MA KEEP ON ALL MY CHAINS 756 00:35:54,051 --> 00:35:56,287 WHEN I'M MAKIN' LOVE TO YOU ♪ HOLD ME CLOSE AND LET ME 757 00:35:56,354 --> 00:36:00,625 SQUEEZE YOU TIGHT THROUGH THE ♪ NIGHT 758 00:36:00,691 --> 00:36:11,302 BUT, BABY GIRL, ♪ HOW DO I LOOK IN MY DURAG? 759 00:36:11,369 --> 00:36:11,936 WOULD YOU TELL ME THE TRUTH? 760 00:36:12,003 --> 00:36:12,737 ♪ DO YOU LIKE MY NEW WHIP? 761 00:36:12,803 --> 00:36:15,306 WATCH ME GO ZOOM, ZOOM ♪ BABY GIRL, 762 00:36:15,373 --> 00:36:16,841 HOW DO I LOOK IN MY DURAG? 763 00:36:16,908 --> 00:36:17,508 ♪ WOULD YOU TELL ME THE TRUTH? 764 00:36:17,575 --> 00:36:18,576 (LIE TO ME?) ♪ STAY WITH ME 765 00:36:18,643 --> 00:36:24,315 AND LOVE ME THROUGH THE NIGHT, ♪ ENDLESSLY 766 00:36:24,382 --> 00:36:31,289 I JUST WANNA KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ♪ TELL ME, AM I DOIN' IT RIGHT? 767 00:36:31,355 --> 00:36:35,293 ♪ I MAY BE COVERED IN CAT HAIR, BUT I STILL SMELL GOOD 768 00:36:35,359 --> 00:36:39,263 ♪ BABY, LET ME KNOW, HOW DO I LOOK IN MY DURAG? 769 00:36:39,330 --> 00:36:45,836 ♪ DON'T LIE TO ME, LET ME ROCK YOU ALL NIGHT LONG 770 00:36:45,903 --> 00:36:48,606 ♪ I'M TRYNA IMPRESS YOU, GIRL LET ME KNOW, 771 00:36:48,673 --> 00:36:53,544 ♪ HOW DO I LOOK IN MY DURAG? 772 00:36:53,611 --> 00:36:54,679 I'M TRYNA GET INTIMATE ♪ LET ME LOVE YOU LIKE YOU NEVER 773 00:36:54,745 --> 00:37:06,457 BEEN BEFORE, BABY (AH, AH) (AH, AH, OOH-OOH) 774 00:37:06,524 --> 00:37:10,962 ♪ YOU DON'T HAVE TO LIKE MY VIDEO GAMES OR MY COMIC BOOKS 775 00:37:11,028 --> 00:37:15,266 ♪ BUT, BABY GIRL, HOW DO I LOOK IN MY DURAG? 776 00:37:15,333 --> 00:37:16,400 ♪ DID I TIE IT RIGHT? 777 00:37:16,467 --> 00:37:19,604 DID YOU WEAR THAT DRESS JUST FOR ♪ ME? 778 00:37:19,670 --> 00:37:23,307 'CAUSE I'M TRYNA SMASH ♪ BABY GIRL, 779 00:37:23,374 --> 00:37:29,146 I'MA SMASH IN MY DURAG ♪ 'CAUSE IT'S ONLY RIGHT 780 00:37:29,213 --> 00:37:33,851 ♪ DO YOU LIKE THE WAY MY ICE DRIPS IN THE LIGHT? 781 00:37:33,918 --> 00:37:39,290 ♪ BABY GIRL, DO YOU LIKE ME IN MY DURAG? 782 00:37:39,357 --> 00:37:43,327 ♪ LET ME KNOW WOULD YOU LET ME KNOW? 783 00:37:43,394 --> 00:37:48,633 ♪ LET ME KNOW, GIRL LET'S MAKE LOVE UNTIL WE FALL 784 00:37:48,699 --> 00:37:58,676 ♪ ASLEEP ♪ ♪ ♪ 785 00:37:58,743 --> 00:38:59,303 ♪ ASLEEP ♪ ♪ ♪ 786 00:38:59,370 --> 00:39:06,477 I LIKE THE WAY YOU FEEL ♪ NEXT TO ME 787 00:39:06,544 --> 00:39:10,381 BABY, YOU LOOK SO GOOD ♪ IN THIS MOONLIGHT 788 00:39:10,448 --> 00:39:15,319 STAY WITH ME AND LOVE ME THROUGH ♪ THE NIGHT, BABY 789 00:39:15,386 --> 00:39:23,260 LET'S MAKE LOVE UNTIL WE FALL ♪ ASLEEP 790 00:39:23,327 --> 00:39:27,298 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 791 00:39:27,364 --> 00:39:38,809 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 792 00:39:38,876 --> 00:39:42,646 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 793 00:39:42,713 --> 00:39:45,116 ♪ ♪ 794 00:39:45,182 --> 00:39:47,318 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 795 00:39:47,384 --> 00:39:54,625 ♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 796 00:39:54,692 --> 00:39:58,395 >> Stephen: THUNDERCAT, EVERYBODY! 797 00:39:58,462 --> 00:39:59,530 THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW." 798 00:39:59,597 --> 00:40:00,397 TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS WILL BE BILLY PORTER AND 799 00:40:00,464 --> 00:40:02,500 ANNALEIGH ASHFORD. 800 00:40:02,566 --> 00:40:03,734 JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT. 801 00:40:03,801 --> 00:40:05,302 GOOD NIGHT. 802 00:40:05,369 --> 00:40:06,003 THANK YOU, SIR.