>> THE QUEEN WAS EXPECTED TO MEET PRESIDENT BIDEN AND OTHER
GLOBAL LEADERS IN GLASGOW ON MONDAY, BUT BUCKINGHAM PALACE
SAYS SHE'S BEEN ADVISED TO STAY HERE AT THE CASTLE AND REST,
PERFORMING ONLY LIGHT DUTIES.
IN A STATEMENT, THE PALACE SAYS: ♪ ♪ ♪
>> I AM DELIGHTED TO WELCOME YOU ALL TO THE 26th UNITED
NATIONS CLIMATE CHANGE CONFERENCE.
TODAY, I WILL BE PRESENTING A MULTIMEDIA PRESENTATION VIA
QUEEN SCREEN TECHNOLOGY.
AS THE EARTH WARMS, RECORD HIGHS WILL CAUSE SEA LEVELS TO RISE,
ALLOWING SHARKS UNFETTERED ACCESS TO DELICIOUS BEACHGOERS.
AS RESOURCES BECOME SCARCE, AUSTRALIANS WILL BE FORCED TO
FIGHT KANGAROOS FOR FOOD.
NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I'M GOING TO WATCH "THE CROWN" ON MY
FROCK.
I WONDER WHAT I DO NEXT.
>> ANNOUNCER: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
TONIGHT: PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES:
MICHAEL C. HALL AND MICHAEL ERIC DYSON
FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN.
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK
CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: OH, YOU!
THAT'S THE MAN I'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT!
THERE YOU GO!
<!0> OH, MY GOODNESS.
OH, MY GOODNESS.
THAT'S A SHOT-- OH!
A SHOT OF ENERGY RIGHT THERE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HEY!
HEY, EVERYBODY.
WELCOME, WELCOME ONE AND ALL, IN HERE, OUT THERE, TO "THE LATE
SHOW."
I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
IT IS-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
IT'S ELECTION DAY IN MANY PLACES ACROSS THE COUNTRY, INCLUDING
HERE IN NEW YORK, WHERE IT IS THE MAYORAL ELECTION.
VOTERS WILL GET TO REPLACE BILL DE BLASIO WITH THEIR
FAVORITE OPTION: ANYONE ELSE.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
NOW, THE TWO ANYONES ARE DEMOCRAT AND GUY REGRETTING
HAVING PICKED, "I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU" AT KARAOKE, ERIC
ADAMS, AND REPUBLICAN AND FRENCH GYM OWNER, CURTIS SLIWA.
( LAUGHTER ) OUI, MONSIEUR.
NOW, WE TAPE THIS SHOW-- WE TAPE THIS SHOW AROUND 5:30 IN THE
AFTERNOON, WHICH IS BEFORE THE POLLS CLOSE, SO WE DON'T KNOW
WHO WON.
CONGRATULATIONS, ERIC ADAMS.
LOOMING-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
PROBABLY, PROBABLY.
SORRY, CURTIS, SORRY.
LOOMING DEFEAT DID NOT STOP CURTIS SLIWA FROM TRYING TO VOTE
EARLIER TODAY WITH AN ADORABLE KITTEN NAMED GIZMO.
ELECTION WORKERS WOULD NOT LET THE CAT IN, BUT IT IS CUTE.
IT REMINDS ME OF WHEN MAYOR BLOOMBERG WENT TO THE POLLS
RIDING ON THE BACK OF A MOUSE.
( LAUGHTER ) HE'S VERY SMALL, A VERY, VERY
SMALL MAN, VERY RICH, VERY SMALL.
THE MEDIA ARE IN A TIZZY OVER THE VIRGINIA GOVERNOR'S RACE
FEATURING DEMOCRAT AND STUDENT SAYING, "UH, TEACHER, YOU FORGOT
TO GIVE US HOMEWORK," TERRY MCAULIFFE AGAINST FORMER PRIVATE
EQUITY C.E.O. AND UNHOLY LOVE CHILD OF MR. ROGERS AND
TED CRUZ, ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( LAUGHTER ) WOW.
I HAVE SEEN TOO MUCH.
I MUST WIPE AWAY MY EYES.
( LAUGHTER ) GLENN YOUNGKIN.
AGAIN, WE HAVE NO IDEA WHO WON, BUT WE DO KNOW ONE THING: THIS
IS THE MOST IMPORTANT ELECTION OF THE CENTURY OF THIS YEAR, IS
WHAT THE NATIONAL PRESS KEEPS SAYING.
WE'LL HAVE MORE ON THIS STORY, IF I FEEL LIKE TALKING ABOUT IT
TOMORROW.
IT'S ALSO DIA DE LOS MUERTOS, OR ( APPLAUSE )
DAY OF THE DEAD.
BUT IF CLIMATE CHANGE CONTINUES AT ITS CURRENT PACE, SOON IT
WILL JUST BE CALLED DAY.
( LAUGHTER ) WORLD LEADERS ARE TALKING ABOUT
MAYBE DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT AT THE U.N. CLIMATE CONFERENCE
IN GLASGOW.
WAIT A SECOND.
DOING SOMETHING ABOUT CLIMATE AT A CLIMATE CONFERENCE, WHAT ARE
THE ODDS?
NOT GOOD.
( LAUGHTER ) BUT THEY HAVE AGREED TO SOME
STUFF.
YESTERDAY, MORE THAN 100 WORLD LEADERS PLEDGED TO HALT
DEFORESTATION BY 2030.
OF COURSE, TO DO THAT, THEY'LL NEED A DETAILED PLAN, THAT
THEY'LL NEED TO PRINT OUT ON THOUSANDS UPON THOUSANDS OF
PIECES OF PAPER.
( LAUGHTER ) AND NO ONE WAS HAPPIER ABOUT THE
AGREEMENT THAN BRITISH PRIME MINISTER BORIS JOHNSON, SEEN
HERE STICKING HIS JOHNSON IN A LIGHT SOCKET.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
JOHNSON-- ( APPLAUSE )
ANY PART OF HIM.
ANY PART OF HIM IS "THE JOHNSON."
IT'S ALL JOHNSON.
JOHNSON HAD ONE MAN HE WANTED TO SINGLE OUT FOR PRAISE:
>> LET ME BEGIN BY THANKING JOE, PRESIDENT BIDEN, FOR YOUR
FANTASTIC COMMITMENT TODAY.
I SAY TO EVERYBODY ELSE HERE AT THIS COP, LET'S END THIS GREAT
GLOBAL CHAINSAW MASSACRE.
>> STEPHEN: COINCIDENTALLY, "CHAINSAW MASSACRE" IS WHAT
BORIS JOHNSON ASKS FOR AT THE BARBER.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
OF GOT A LITTLE-- GOT A LITTLE-- >> Jon: THEY PUSHED HIS LINE
BACK.
>> STEPHEN: THE SUMMIT ALSO GOT A VIDEO PEP TALK FROM YOUNG
CLIMATE ACTIVIST, QUEEN ELIZABETH:
>> I FOR ONE HOPE THAT THIS CONFERENCE WILL BE ONE OF THOSE
RARE OCCASIONS WHERE EVERYONE WILL HAVE THE CHANCE TO RISE
ABOVE THE POLITICS OF THE MOMENT.
>> STEPHEN: (AS QUEEN) WE MUST ALL COME TOGETHER,
BECAUSE THE ENEMY IS SO CLEAR, JUST LIKE IN WORLD WAR II WHEN
EVERYONE KNEW WHERE THEY STOOD AND NO ONE'S UNCLE WAS
NAZI-CURIOUS.
DON'T GOOGLE IT.
( LAUGHTER ) ( LAUGHTER )
SHE QUEENED ON: >> THE BENEFITS OF SUCH ACTIONS
WILL NOT BE THERE TO ENJOY FOR ALL OF US HERE TODAY.
NONE OF US WILL LIVE FOREVER.
>> STEPHEN: ARE YOU SURE?
BECAUSE IT SEEMS LIKE YOU'RE PRETTY CLOSE.
( LAUGHTER ) ONE-- SHE LOOKS GOOD.
SHE LOOKS FINE-- SHE LOOKS GOOD.
>> Jon: YEAH, SHE LOOKS GOOD.
>> Stephen: PRETTY GOOD.
ONE WORLD LEADER WHO'S NOT AT THE CLIMATE CONFERENCE IS
BRAZILIAN PRESIDENT JAIR BOLSONARO, SEEN HERE
MID-BRAZILIAN.
( LAUGHTER ) HE'S IN ITALY, WHERE HE WAS
ASKED ABOUT BRAZIL'S CLIMATE POLICY, AND TOLD REPORTERS ABOUT
A HIGH-LEVEL MEETING HE HAD WITH ONE OFFICIAL.
"YEAH, I TALKED TO JIM CARREY, TOO, SOMETHING PRIVATE.
SORRY, I CAN'T TALK TO YOU."
YES, JIM CARREY.
A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK HE MEANT U.S. CLIMATE ENVOY JOHN KERRY.
BUT I THINK HE MEANT JIM CARREY.
( LAUGHTER ) AFTER ALL, A LOT OF COUNTRIES
HAVE PROMISED TO REDUCE EMISSIONS, BUT I SAY...
"LIAR LIAR."
TO BELIEVE THEN YOU'D HAVE TO BE "DUMB AND DUMBER."
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I MEAN, "BRUCE ALMIGHTY."
IF WE DON'T SAVE THE EARTH FROM THE DAMAGING EFFECTS OF "ETERNAL
SUNSHINE," WE MAY BE FORCED TO PUT EVERY "MAN ON THE MOON."
NOT TO MENTION WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN TO THE POLAR ICE CAPS AND
( BLEEP ) "MR. POPPERS PENGUINS."
IF WE DON'T SOLVE THIS CRISIS, WE'LL REGRET IT...
"BATMAN FOREVER."
OKAY THERE WE GO.
THERE YOU GO.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
YOU OKAY?
OH, HEY, HE SAID, SHIFTING GEARS.
THERE'S BIG NEWS FOR LITTLE ONES.
AFTER APPROVAL BY THE F.D.A., TODAY, THE C.D.C. VOTED TO GIVE
THE PFIZER VACCINE TO KIDS AGES FIVE TO ELEVEN.
THAT'S GREAT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THAT'S WONDERFUL!
BUT SOME ARE WORRIED ABOUT KIDS HAVING A FEAR OF NEEDLES.
TO BE FAIR, THEY'RE NOT PHOBIC OF NEEDLES.
THEY'RE SCARED OF BEING STABBED BY THEM.
I'M NOT SCARED OF PINEAPPLES, BUT I WOULD BE WORRIED IF MY
DOCTOR GRABBED ONE AND SAID, "OKAY, BEND OVER AND TRY TO
RELAX."
BUT EXPERTS SAY THERE ARE WAYS TO PUT YOUR KIDS AT EASE.
FOR INSTANCE, YOU CAN PREPARE THEM BY READING CHILDREN'S BOOKS
ABOUT GOING TO THE DOCTOR.
I RECOMMEND: "ONE SHOT, TWO SHOT, BOOSTER
SHOT, MAYBE MORE SHOTS?
WE'RE NOT SURE."
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) BUT--
IF YOU'RE REALLY WORRIED ABOUT YOUR KID'S REACTION TO PAIN,
DOCTORS SAY YOU CAN ASK FOR NUMBING CREAMS, WHICH WILL DULL
THE SENSATION OF THE NEEDLE ON THEIR SKIN.
WE HAVE THAT?
( LAUGHTER ) WHAT ELSE ARE DOCTORS HIDING
FROM US?
"WELL, WE HAVE THIS PILL THAT MAKES ROOT CANAL FEEL LIKE AN
ORGASM, BUT YOU WOULDN'T BE INTERESTED."
PSYCHOLOGISTS SAY THAT PARENTS CAN ALSO HAVE YOUR CHILD CREATE
A PLAYLIST TO LISTEN TO DURING THE APPOINTMENT.
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
I GET WANTING TO MAKE YOUR KID COMFORTABLE, BUT THEY DON'T NEED
A PLAYLIST FOR ONE SHOT.
FOR PETE'S SAKE, ON THE PLAYGROUND, THESE KIDS ARE NOT
GOING, "WAIT, TYLER. BEFORE I THROW THESE WOOD CHIPS IN YOUR
FACE.
LET ME PUT ON YOUR WHITE NOISE MACHINE AND GIVE YOU YOUR
COMFORT ANIMAL.
DO YOU NEED A NUMBING CREAM FOR YOUR FEELINGS?
NO?
OKAY, PUNCH HIM."
THERE'S SOME BIG NEWS-- ( APPLAUSE )
I WAS BULLIED ON THE PLAYGROUND.
I'M SAYING I WAS BULLIED-- I WAS BULLIED ON THE PLAYGROUND.
THERE'S SOME BIG NEWS FROM THE ENDLESS VOID, AND IT HAS TO DO
WITH ORBITAL TOILETS.
I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT IN TONIGHT'S:
( ECHOING ) "SPACE NEWS: PLUMBING EDITION "
( TOILET FLUSHES ) SOME ROUGH NEWS FOR THE SPACE-X
ASTRONAUTS.
BACK IN SEPTEMBER, THEIR FIRST CAPSULE HAD TOILET ISSUES, AND
WHILE THAT'S BEING FIXED, A SECOND CAPSULE CALLED "ENDEAVOR"
NOW ALSO HAS A LEAKY TOILET, AND EVIDENCE OF URINE LEAKING INTO
THE WALLS.
AND BECAUSE THEY'RE IN SPACE, THEY DON'T HAVE A WAY TO
IMMEDIATELY FIX THE ISSUE.
APPARENTLY, WHEN YOU'RE UP THERE, YOU CAN'T JUST CALL THE
SUPER: "LOOK, I KNOW YOU GOT PEE WALLS,
BUT FIRST I GOT A TENANT ON GANYMEDE WITH INTERGALACTIC
RATS.
THEN I'LL BE GONE FOR A WEEK VISITING MY DAUGHTER IN SPACE
PITTSBURGH."
( LAUGHTER ) IT'S LIKE PITTSBURGH...
BUT IN SPACE.
THE LACK OF PLUMBING SOLUTIONS ON THE CAPSULE WILL LEAVE A
GROUP OF FOUR ASTRONAUTS WITHOUT A BATHROOM OPTION DURING THEIR
HOURS-LONG TRIP BACK HOME.
BUT NASA HAS A SOLUTION: THE CREW SHOULD RELY ON
UNDERGARMENTS.
OKAY, BUT BE CAREFUL WHICH UNDERGARMENTS YOU CHOOSE.
IT'S VERY HARD TO POOP IN A BRA.
( LAUGHTER ) YOU DO GET TWO SHOTS, THEN YOU
CAN FIRE IT OUT THE WINDOW.
IN OTHER NEWS FROM THE I.S.S., ASTRONAUT MEGAN MCARTHUR USED
THE FIRST CHILE PEPPERS GROWN IN SPACE TO MAKE ZERO-G TACOS.
THEY BETTER HURRY UP AND FIX THAT SPACE TOILET.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
YOU KNOW WHY, YOU KNOW WHY, RIGHT?
I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT IN TONIGHT'S EDITION OF
( ECHOING ) "SPACE NEWS: SPACE TACOS
EDITION."
♪ ♪ ♪ <!0>
THE TACO-MAKING ASTRONAUT TWEETED A PICTURE OF HER MEAL,
WITH THE CAPTION, "FRIDAY FEASTING."
WHAT?
OKAY, LOOK, THIS IS A TROUBLING TREND.
JUST LAST MONTH, NATIONAL TACO DAY WAS ON A MONDAY.
AND NOW, ANOTHER VIOLATION OF THE SANCTITY OF TACO TUESDAY:
SPACE TACO FRIDAY.
DO OUR EARTH HOLIDAYS MEAN NOTHING TO YOU UP THERE?
UNLESS THERE'S A SCIENTIFIC EXPLANATION.
I MEAN, AFTER ALL, THE I.S.S.
DOES ORBIT THE EARTH ABOUT 17,200 MILES AN HOUR, ONCE EVERY
90 MINUTES, MEANING EACH DAY ON EARTH IS 16 DAYS IN SPACE.
AND DUE TO RELATIVITY, EARTH'S FAJITA FRIDAY MIGHT BE THEIR
SIZZLIN' STEAK SATURDAY.
AND IN ZERO GS, THEIR MARGARITAS ARE NOT ONLY BOTTOMLESS.
THEY HAVE NO SIDES OR TOP.
WE HAVE TO GET OUR TOP SCIENTISTS ON THIS.
OR JIMMY BUFFET.
ON THE OTHER HAND, TODAY-- A TUESDAY-- IS NATIONAL DEVILED
EGG DAY.
SO SATAN WINS AGAIN.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ).
SAD, GOTTA FIGHT IT.
GOT TO FIGHT IT.
EVEN MORE CONCERNING, NO ONE KNOWS THE EFFECTS OF CONSUMING
TACOS WITH SPACE CHILIS, BUT PRELIMINARY RESEARCH DOES NOT
LOOK GOOD, ACCORDING TO THIS FOOTAGE FROM A RECENT STUDY:
>> YO QUIERO TACO BELL.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
>> STEPHEN: I'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
MY GUESTS ARE MICHAEL C. HALL AND MICHAEL ERIC DYSON.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, IT'S "MEANWHILE."
IT'S "MEANWHILE."
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: JON BATISTE AND
STAY HUMAN, EVERYBODY.
YEAH.
( APPLAUSE ) JON...
( APPLAUSE ) JON, I LOVE THAT-- I LOVE THAT
OUTFIT.
>> Jon: OH, YEAH.
>> Stephen: I REALLY LIKE-- I REALLY LIKE THE BOLDNESS OF THAT
PINK.
WHAT WOULD YOU CALL THAT?
>> Jon: THAT IS LIKE BUBBLE GUM.
>> Stephen: THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT.
>> Jon: BUBBLE GUM ICE CREAM.
IT'S A GOOD VIBE TO FEEL THE COLORS OF YOUR CHILDHOOD.
>> Stephen: IT'S ALSO-- IT'S ALSO A REAL WAKE-ME-UP.
THAT'S A CUP OF COFFEE FOR MY EYES RIGHT NOW.
SPEAKING OF WAKING UP, TOMORROW YOU WILL BE ON "CBS MORNINGS."
>> Jon: YES.
>> Stephen: AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON "CBS MORNINGS"?
>> Jon: I'M SINGING A SONG AND IT'S CALLED "SING."
YOU DON'T WANT TO MISS IT.
IT'S A GREAT PERFORMANCE.
>> Stephen: WHAT TIME IS THAT SHOW ON?
WHEN DOES-- WHEN DOES THAT SHOW COME ON?
>> IT COMES ON AT 7:00.
>> Stephen: THEY'RE GOING TO OPEN IT UP WITH YOU.
>> Jon: I'LL BE ON THERE LATER ON, LATER AFTER 7:00.
>> Stephen: YOU DON'T SEEM LIKE A 7:00 A.M. MAN TO ME.
>> Jon: YEAH, UNLESS I'VE STAYED UP FROM THE NIGHT
BEFORE...
( LAUGHTER ) YOU.
>> Stephen: JUST GOT TO DRIVE THROUGH.
>> Jon: YOU'RE JUST DRIVING ON HOME.
>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT, I'LL BE SURE TO CHECK IT OUT.
>> Jon: TYPICALLY, YEAH.
>> Stephen: IS IT "MORNING" OR "CBS MORNINGS?"
IS IT PLURAL.
>> Jon: I THINK IT'S "MORNINGS."
>> Stephen: IT USED TO BE "CBS THIS MORNING."
SO IT WAS ONLY THAT MORNING THEY WERE WORRIED ABOUT, BUT EVERY
SHOW NOW IS ALL MORNINGS.
>> Jon: EVERY MORNING.
>> Stephen: THAT'S A LOT OF RESPONSIBILITY.
I'LL HAVE TO CHECK IT OUT.
FOLKS, YOU KNOW, I SPEND A LOT OF TIME OVER THERE, CARVING THE
FINEST, MOST-TOPICAL JAPANESE NEWS CYPRESS INTO AN EXPRESSIVE
HANNYA DEMON MASK, DONNING MY BLACK AND GOLDEN SHOZOKU ROBES
MADE OF THE SMOOTHEST STORY SILK, AND MASTERING AN ELABORATE
CHOREOGRAPHY OF STILLNESS AND MOVEMENT, TO CREATE THE JAPANESE
NOH THEATER PRODUCTION THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE.
BUT SOMETIMES, JUST SOMETIMES, FOLKS, I ENTER A FUGUE STATE IN
THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, SYPHON A BUCKETFUL OF GAS OUT OF MY
NEIGHBOR'S MAZDA, RUN BAREFOOT FROM MY HOUSE TO A HOVEL UNDER
THE TURNPIKE WHERE I ASK A HOBO FOR A LIGHT AND SET A GARBAGE
CAN ABLAZE, THEN PLACE MY FROSTBITTEN HANDS IN FRONT OF
THE DUMPSTER TO PROJECT THE SHADOW PUPPET WINO OPERA OF NEWS
THAT IS MY SEGMENT, "MEANWHILE."
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) IT'S LIKE-- IT'S LIKE A BREATH
OF FRESH AIR IS WHAT IT IS.
IT'S OXYGEN TO THE STARVED BRAIN.
MEANWHILE, THE SOUP SCIENTISTS AT HEINZ HAVE HAD A
BREAKTHROUGH, BECAUSE CHRISTMAS DINNER IN A CAN
PROMISES AN ANSWER TO SUPERMARKET SHORTAGES.
THAT'S RIGHT-- HOT, FESTIVE SLUDGE.
QUICK, CHILDREN, GATHER 'ROUND-- GRANDPA IS GOING TO CARVE THE
SOUP!
THE CAN REPORTEDLY CONTAINS BIG CHUNKS OF TURKEY, PIGS IN
BLANKETS, BRUSSELS SPROUTS, STUFFING BALLS, AND POTATOES,
WITH A GRAVY AND CRANBERRY SAUCE.
IT'S SO CONVENIENT WHEN FOOD GIVES YOU A PREVIEW OF WHAT
IT'LL LOOK LIKE WHEN YOU THROW IT UP LATER.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
BIG SOUP.
MEANWHILE, IN SPAIN-- THE PLACE WHERE AMERICAN COLLEGE KIDS GO
TO BECOME INTHUFFERABLE-- THERE'S AN ONGOING SCANDAL AFTER
A WOMAN WON A MILLION-EURO SPANISH LITERARY PRIZE.
THEN IT TURNED OUT THAT SHE WAS ACTUALLY THREE MEN.
THIS IS EVEN WORSE THAN LAST YEAR WHERE A MAN WON THE PRIZE,
BUT IT TURNED OUT THAT HE WAS ACTUALLY THREE KIDS INSIDE A
TRENCH COAT.
WHO CALIFORNIA CONDORS HAD VIRGIN BIRTHS.
SCIENTISTS MADE THE DISCOVERY WHEN THEY DID GENETIC TESTING
AND FOUND THAT NONE OF THE OTHER MALE BIRDS QUALIFIED TO BE THE
FATHERS OF EITHER CHICK BASED ON THE DIFFERENCES IN THEIR D.N.A.
I'M BEING TOLD WE HAVE FOOTAGE OF THE THE MOMENT THE CONDORS
GOT THE NEWS.
>> YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!
( APPLAUSE ) ( LAUGHTER )
>> STEPHEN: MEANWHILE, IN ENGLAND, A MOTHER AND SON
DISCOVERED A 100-YEAR-OLD LOVE NOTE HIDDEN UNDER A BROKEN
BEDROOM TILE, READING, "MY OWN DARLING, MY OWN, MY OWN, WILL
YOU TRY EVERY MORNING TO COME AND SEE ME.
BUT PLEASE DON'T TELL ANYONE, BECAUSE IT MUST BE A SECRET FOR
JUST YOUR EARS AND MINE."
"MY OWN, MY OWN"-- THEY REALLY KNEW HOW TO SWEET TALK BACK
THEN.
NOWADAYS, WHAT QUALIFIES AS A LOVE NOTE IS, "IT'S GETTING
LATE.
SMASH OR PASS?" ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) WHAT?
( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, BUD LIGHT SELTZER HAS
A NEW FLAVOR.
FLAVOR!
( LAUGHTER ) UNFORTUNATELY, IT'S EGG NOG.
PERFECT FOR ANYONE WHO LIKES EGG NOG BUT HATES THEMSELVES.
THEY'RE CALLING THIS ABOMINATION SELTZER NOG AND DEFINING IT AS
THE ORIGINAL HOLIDAY FAVE: EGG NOG WITH NOTES OF SWEET
CINNAMON AND VANILLA FLAVORS IN SELTZER FORM.
SO THE PERFECT THING TO CHASE DOWN YOUR CAN OF CHRISTMAS
DINNER.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MICHAEL C. HALL.
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: HEY, WELCOME BACK!
( APPLAUSE ) FOLKS, MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS
AN ACTOR WHO SPENT EIGHT SEASONS PLAYING DEXTER ON SHOWTIME.
NOW, AFTER EIGHT YEARS, HE'S RETURNING TO THE ROLE IN
"DEXTER: NEW BLOOD."
>> SORRY, I'M NOT THE GUY YOU'RE LOOKING FOR.
IF YOU-- IF YOU WANT TO MAYBE TROWN THE TOWN SHELTER.
IT'S RIGHT ON MAIN STREET.
I KNOW THE OWNER, DESIREE.
JUST TELL HER JIM LINDSAY SENT YOU AND SHE'LL TAKE YOU IN.
WHATEVER YOU DECIDE I'M NOT GOING TO...
REPORT YOU OR ANYTHING.
YOU SEEM LIKE A GOOD KID.
UM, THE NEXT BUS OUT OF TOWN IS TOMORROW NIGHT, 7:45.
I HOPE YOU FIND WHOEVER YOU'RE LOOKING FOR.
>> STEPHEN: PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," MICHAEL C.
HALL.
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: PLEASE, HYDRATE.
GOOD TO SEE YOU.
NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
>> YOU, TOO.
>> Stephen: I LIKE THE CHARCOAL GRAY FOR THE AUTUMN AND
THE VEST.
I DON'T SEE VESTS ENOUGH ANYMORE.
>> I'M TRYING TO DO MY PART, BRING IT BACK.
>> Stephen: IT'S VERY DISTINGUISHED.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE A TV STAR.
YOU'RE A BROADWAY VET.
YOU HAVE RECENTLYALDED ROCK STAR TO YOUR RESUME WITH THE NEW--
YOU LAUGH, BUT I'VE GOT PHOTOS TO PROVE IT.
HERE WE ARE.
THERE IT IS.
THE BAND IS CALLED PRINCESS GOES TO THE BUTTERFLY MUSEUM.
>> YEAH, SUCCINCT.
>> Stephen: EXACTLY.
PRINCESS GOES TO THE BUTTERFLY MUSEUM.
WHERE DOES THAT COME FROM?
>> OUR KEYBOARDEST, SHE WAS FIVE YEARS OLD AT THE TIME-- HIS
DAUGHTER LET HIM KNOW AT THE TIME WE WERE THINKING OF A NAME,
AND HE ASKED HER PERMISSION TO TAKE IT, AND SHE SAID YES, AND
THAT'S HOW IT WAS BORN.
( LAUGHTER ) GLI ASSUME YOU'RE THE SINGER.
YOU HAVE THE VOICE OF AN ANGEL?
>> THANK YOU, I AM.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
AND ALSO HAVE BEEN WRETTING SONGS FOR PRINCESS GOES TO THE
BUTTERFLY MUSEUM.
HAD YOU DONE A LOT OF THAT BEFORE THIS?
>> NO, I HADN'T.
I HOOKED UP WITH THESE GUYS.
THEY WERE BOTH INVOLVED IN "HEAD WIG" THE MUSICAL.
I MET THEM THROUGH THAT.
THEY HAD STARTED COMPOSING SOME INSTRUMENTAL TRACKS, AND I JUST
FOR FUN OFFERED TO SING IN THE STUDIO WITHOUT ANY ASPIRATION
THAT WE WOULD BECOME A BAND.
BUT THEY-- I DON'T KNOW.
WE SORT OF-- SOMETHING STARTED HAPPENING.
WE WERE WRITING SONGS AND THEY GAVE ME PERMISSION --
>> Stephen: DOES IT COME EASILY?
>> I'VE ALWAYS WRITTEN FOR MYSELF.
>> Stephen: HIT ME WITH SOME BARS.
WHAT YOU HAVE GOT.
GIVE ME SOME LYRICS THAT I WOULD ENJOY.
>> ENJOY?
OKAY.
IT'S ACTUALLY BASED ON AN EXPERIENCE MY WIFE AND I HAD
DOING THERAPEUTIC KETAMINE IN A THERAPIST'S OFFICE-- TOTALLY
LEGIT, LEGAL.
BUT I HAD A REALLY FANTASTIC EXPERIENCE, AND HERS WERE A BIT
DARKER AND I WAS SOMEWHAT AWARE OF THAT.
"I WANT TO FEEL FOREVER CHANGING, BUT IT'S HARD WITH ALL
THIS REARRANGING MEANS I MIGHT BE LOSING YOU.
I WANT TO SOAR THROUGH CANDY CANYON, BUT IT'S HARD WHEN MY
COMPANION'S THRASHING, KEPT FROM VIEW.
WE'RE SIDE BY SIDE, JUST WITHIN REACH, BUT WORLD'S APART.
I'M BUILDING CASTLES ON THE BEACH.
YOU'RE TEARING OUT YOUR HEART, AND IF I COULD I'D CUT YOUR
STATIC, THEN YOU'D HEAR THE SONG.
YOU'D ROLL WITH IT.
YOU'D COME ALONG.
WE'D BREAK INTO THE SKY."
( APPLAUSE ) I SAID-- WHILE I WAS GOING
THROUGH MY-- MY TRIP, I ACTUALLY SAID, "I FEEL FOREVER CHANGING!"
AND I FELT HER SAY, "OH, PLEASE."
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: OKAY, THE LAST
TIME WE WERE TOGETHER, YOU WERE ACTUALLY PERFORMING IN
"LAZARUS," WHICH WAS DAVID BOWIE'S MUSICAL.
I DIDN'T GET A CHANCE TO ASK YOU THEN.
WHAT WAS IT-- WHAT WAS IT LIKE THE FIRST TIME YOU MET BOWIE?
>> IT WAS-- IT WAS AMAZING.
>> Stephen: I'M NOT SURE WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE WITH MYSELF.
>> I H HAD TO TURN PART OF MY BRAIN OFF, I THINK, TO DEAL WITH
THE FACT THAT I WAS EYE TO EYE WITH THIS ICON, ONE OF THE GREAT
ARTISTS OF THE LAST CENTURY.
HE-- I KNOW HE MUST HAVE COME THROUGH THE DOOR, BUT IN MY
MIND, HE MATERIALIZED IN THE ROOM.
( LAUGHTER ) IT WAS IN THE EAST VILLAGE
APARTMENT OF OUR MUSIC DIRECTOR.
I SAID HELLO, WE HAD A BRIEF CHAT.
AND THE NEXT THING I KNEW, WE WERE RUNNING THROUGH ALL THE
SONGS THAT I WAS GOING TO SING IN THE SHOW.
AND I HAD -- >> Stephen: SO YOU CAN KEEP IT
PROFESSIONAL?
>> YEAH, YEAH.
I HAD THE JOB, BUT I DIDN'T REALLY FEEL LIKE I HAD IT UNTIL
I HAD HIS APPROVAL.
SO HE SAT ON THE COUCH, AND THE OPENING BARS TO THE SONG "WHERE
ARE WE NOW" STARTED AND ALL MY BUTTERFLIES TURNED TO BATS.
I JUST BECAME SO NERVOUS.
AND HE... AS HE WAS, SO GRACIOUSLY JUST NAMED THE
ABSURDITY OF THE MOMENT.
AND SAID, "YES, SING MY SONGS FOR ME."
AND IT PUT ME AT EASY.
AND HE WAS SO GENEROUS.
I MEAN, ALONG WITH BEING SORT OF A...
NEXT-LEVEL BEYOND, BEYOND SORT OF ICON, HE WAS SUCH A GENUINELY
KIND AND ENTHUSIASTIC MAN.
>> Stephen: SO WHEN DID IT ACTUALLY HIT YOU THAT HE WAS
THERE?
YOU KEPT IT TOGETHER, BUT WHEN WE LEFT, WHAT WAS THAT LIKE?
>> I FELL TO THE FLOOR.
>> Stephen: PHYSICALLY FELL DOWN?
>> YEAH, I JUST ALLOWED MYSELF TO RELEASE, AND JUST SORT OF--
YEAH, FELL TO THE FLOOR.
>> Stephen: WELL, SINCE THE LAST TIME YOU AND I SPOKE,
SADLY, DAVID BOWIE DIED.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
>> Stephen: NOW IT WAS DURING THE RUN OF "LAZARUS."
HW DID THAT AFFECT Y'ALL AS A CAST AND THE PERFORMANCE?
>> AS FATE HAD IT, IT WAS ON A MONDAY MORNING THAT WE WOKE UP
TO THE NEWS THAT HE HAD DIED.
AND THAT DAY WAS THE SAME DAY THAT WE WERE GOING INTO RECORD
THE CAST ALBUM.
SO WE WENT IN THAT DAY TO SING AND RECORD ALL THE SONGS WITH
THE KNOWLEDGE THAT HE HAD DIED.
AND IT WAS VERY EERIE.
I THINK WE WERE ALSO THANKFUL, THOUGH, THAT WE WERE ABLE TO
COME TOGETHER AND DO SOMETHING.
BUT DOING THE SHOW AFTER THAT, IT COMPLETELY REFRAMED THE
EXPERIENCE, YOU KNOW.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK.
BUT DON'T GO ANYWHERE.
WHEN WE COME BACK, I WILL ASK MICHAEL ABOUT THE NEW "DEXTER:
NEW BLOOD" ON SHOWTIME.
STICK AROUND.
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WE ARE HERE WITH THE STAR OF
SHOWTIME'S NEW "DEXTER: NEW BLOOD," MICHAEL C. HALL.
THE NEW SHOW IS "DEXTER: NEW BLOOD."
IT'S BEEN EIGHT YEARS SINCE YOU PLAYED THIS CHARACTER.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: HAVE THERE BEEN, LIKE, HAVE THERE BEEN PITCHES TO
COME BACK TOGETHER BEFORE THIS?
>> YEAH, THERE HAD BEEN SOME-- SOME SCRIPTS, SOME OUTLINES,
SOME PROPOSALS.
BUT THE TIMING NEVER FELT RIGHT.
THE STORY NEVER FELT LIKE IT WAS ONE THAT WAS WORTH TELLING.
>> Stephen: WHAT'S DIFFERENT ABOUT THIS?
>> WELL, I THINK A LOT OF IT HAS TO DO WITH HOW MUCH TIME HAS
PASSED.
BECAUSE A LOT OF-- AS YOU SAW ON THE CLIP-- A LOT OF THE STORY
HINGES ON DEXTER'S RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS NOW-FULL-GROWN SON, AND
WE HAD TO WAIT FOR HIM TO GROW UP.
>> Stephen: SOME OF THE FANS HAD SOME PROBLEMS WITH THE
FINALE OF THE ORIGINAL RUN OF "DEXTER."
>> YES.
>> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW IF YOU READ ANYTHING ABOUT THAT?
>> I HEARD ABOUT THAT.
>> Stephen: YOU HEARD ABOUT THAT, OKAY.
IS THIS A CHANCE FOR ANOTHER SWING-- ANOTHER SWING OF THE
BALL HERE?
>> FOR SURE.
I THINK A BIG PART OF OUR MOLTIVATION WAS TO LEAVE PEOPLE
WITH A BETTER TASTE IN THEIR MOUTH.
I ACTUALLY WAS SUGGESTING WE CALL CAN "DEXTER: NEW TASTE."
BUT THEY DIDN'T GOVERNOR FOR IT?
>> YOUR FANS ARE-- "FANATICAL IS NOT THE RIGHT WORD-- BUT THEY'RE
PASSIONATE ABOUT YOUR CHARACTER AND THE SHOW.
I HAVE BEEN GIVE THEN PHOTO, AND BEFORE I SHOW IT TO ANYONE, I'M
CURIOUS WHAT-- HOW THIS COMES ABOUT.
BECAUSE THIS IS AN UNUSUAL THING FOR FANS TO WANT YOU TO
PARTICIPATE IN.
>> YEAH, SOMETIMES PEOPLE WILL APPROACH ME WITH SUCH AN
IMPLEMENT THIS THEIR HANDS.
AND ASK ME TO SIGN IT.
AND...
( LAUGHTER ) AND KNOW--
>> Stephen: HOW DOES THAT MAKE YOU FEEL?
>> I HAVE SOME MISGIVINGS ABOUT IT, BUT WHEN SOMEONE IS-- IS
PRESENTING A KNIFE -- >> Stephen: SO THEY WALK
TOWARDS YOU WITH A KNIFE OUT.
>> "WILL YOU SIGN THIS?" YOU DON'T WANT TO SAY NO TO SUCH
A PERSON.
YOU WANT TO SAY YES.
I MEAN, I JUST KEEP MY FINGERS CROSSED AND HOPE IT'S NEVER USED
FOR NEFARIOUS PURPOSE.
>> Stephen: RIGHT, BECAUSE YOUR D.N.A. IS ON THAT HANDLE AT
SOME POINT.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE IN BIG TROUBLE MICHAEL C. HALL.
>> DON'T, DON'T, DON'T SIGN A KNIFE.
>> Stephen: LOVELY TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE.
"DEXTER: NEW BLOOD" PREMIERES THIS SUNDAY ON SHOWTIME.
MICHAEL C. HALL EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MICHAEL ERIC DYSON.
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME BACK.
FOLKS, MY NEXT GUEST IS A PROFESSOR OF AFRICAN AMERICAN
STUDIES AT VANDERBILT UNIVERSITY AND THE AUTHOR OF THE NEW BOOK,
"ENTERTAINING RACE: PERFORMING BLACKNESS IN AMERICA."
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," MICHAEL ERIC DYSON.
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: THERE YOU GO!
ALWAYS NICE.
>> JON BATISTE.
>> Stephen: ALWAYS NICE TO HAVE YOU ON.
>> THAT BUBBLE GUM IS LOOKING HOT OVER THERE.
>> Stephen: ISN'T THAT GOOD?
ISN'T THAT GOOD?
NOW, SIR.
>> YES, SIR.
>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK.
>> THANK YOU, MY MAN.
>> Stephen: THE BOOK IS "ENTERTAINING RACE: PERFORMING
BLACKNESS IN AMERICA."
>> RIGHT.
>> Stephen: CONGRATULATIONS ON IT.
>> THANK YOU, MY FRIEND.
>> Stephen: YOU SAY-- ( APPLAUSE ).
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: IT'S HEFTY.
IT'S HEFTY.
IT'S A BIG SUBJECT.
>> EXACTLY.
>> Stephen: YOU SAY THAT ENTERTAINING RACE IS A TRIPLE
ENTENDRE.
>> RIGHT.
>> Stephen: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
>> FIRST OF ALL, IT MEANS BLACK PEOPLE HAVE BEEN FORCED TO
ENTERTAIN FOR THE DOMINANT SOCIETY FROM THE TIME OF.
AT THE BEHEST OF SLAVE OWNERS.
SECOND, PEOPLE HAVE HAD TO ENTERTAIN THE IDEA OF RACE, TALK
ABOUT IT, SELLING WATER ON THE STREET OR LEMONADE OR BARB COUG
IN THE PARK AND BEING FORCED TO BE ACCOUNTABLE FOR THEIR
PRESENCE IN A WAY THAT IS UNRULY AND, YET, DEMANDED.
SO WE'VE HAD TO ENTERTAIN THE IDEAL OF RACE CONSTANTLY, EVEN
WHEN WE DIDN'T WANT TO.
AND THIRDLY, WE'VE HAD TO BE ENTERTAINING ABOUT HOW WE TALK
ABOUT RACE.
THERE'S A GREAT SUBJECT.
IT'S VERY COMPLICATED.
IT'S GOT A LOT OF NUANCE, AND IT'S GOT A LOT OF CONTROVERSY.
SO WE HAVE TO FIND WAYS TO GET BEYOND IT, THROUGH HUMOR,
THROUGH SELF-DEPRECATION, EXPLORATION TO GET TO THE ISSUES
THAT ARE THERE.
>> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU MEAN "PERFORMING BLACKNESS?"
HOW IS BLACKNESS PERFORMED?
>> IN MANY WAYS.
YOU HAVE ONE OF THE GREAT PERFORMERS OVER HERE, JON
BATISTE.
>> Stephen: AND THE WHOLE BAND.
>> AND THE ENTIRE BAND.
AND THE THING IS THAT PERFORMING BLACKNESS IS BOTH ABOUT
PROFESSIONAL ENTERTAINMENT, ABOUT SINGING AND DANCE, BUT
IT'S ALSO ABOUT THINKING AND ENGAGING IN A SOCIETY THAT
DOESN'T SEE YOU AS NECESSARILY EQUAL.
WHEN YOU GO TO WORK EVERY DAY, YOU HAVE TO PERFORM A SORT OF,
KIND OF BLACKNESS.
IN SPACES THAT ARE FOREIGN TO YOU AS A BLACK PERSON, HOW DO
YOU MAKE PEOPLE FEEL COMFORTABLE?
HOW DO YOU GET COMFORTABLE?
HOW DO YOU ADJUST YOURSELF TO THEM?
AND HOW DO YOU BRING THE TO TALGT OF WHYURE BEING INTO THAT
EXPERIENCE WITHOUT EITHER SAVAGING YOUR ANCESTRY, BUT ALSO
HONORING THE TRADITIONS TO WHICH YOU SPEAK?
>> Stephen: YOU PUT YOURSELF ON THE COVER THERE I NOTICED
( LAUGHS ) >> YOU WEREN'T AVAILABLE, SO I
HAD TO DO MYSELF, YOU KNOW.
>> Stephen: "ENTERTAINING RACE."
AND YOU'RE ON THE COVER.
DO YOU SEE YOURSELF AS-- WELL, FIRST OF ALL, HOW DO YOU DEFINED
"ENTERTAINER" AND ARE YOU AN ENTERTAINER IN A SENSE?
I KNOW YOU'RE AN ACADEMIC.
I KNOW YOU'RE A SCHOLAR.
YOU'RE A PUBLIC PHILOSOPHER IN A WAY.
IS THAT ALSO A FORM OF ENTERTAINMENT.
>> ABSOLUTELY.
WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT THE WORD "ENTERTAINMENT," ENTER, AND
TAINER," TO HOLD TOGETHER, INTERTWINE --
>> Stephen: WAS WHAT THE ROOT OF IT, BRINGING PEOPLE TOGETHER?
>> YES AND TO ENGAGE IN A DIALOGUE OR THINKING OF A
PARTICULAR SUBJECT.
THE YES, AS A SCHOLAR, MY STUDENTS CAN'T FALL ASLEEP.
I HAVE TO GO IN THERE AND SAY SOMETHING THAT'S INTERESTING AND
ENGAGING.
I CAN SAY WE TALKED ABOUT THE INSURRECTION OF SUBJUGATED..."
THAT'S GOLD.
BUT IF J.B.A. Z.SAY I REMEMBER VIVIDLY WHAT THESE TREES DID TO
ME,.
>> Stephen: IN YOUR NEW BOOK-- AND THIS IS WHERE IT'S GOING TO
GET CONTROVERSIAL FOR US.
>> OKAY.
>> Stephen: IN YOUR NEW BOOK YOU SAID, "BEYONCE IS THE
GREATEST ENTERTAINER THIS GLOBE HAS EVER SEEN."
I WILL-- I WILL-- WHY BEYONCE, AND THEN MY RESPONSE.
>> WELL, I MEAN, THINK ABOUT IT.
BEYONCE IS AN INCREDIBLE SINGER.
SHE'S AN INCREDIBLE PERFORMER.
SHE CHANNELS EFFORTLESSLY THE ANCESTRAL GRACE THAT HAS CLAIMED
HER BODY.
THE MAGIC OF BLACKNESS THAT SHE IS CONSTANTLY PUTTING FORTH.
THE PIPES ARE INCREDIBLE.
THE DANCING ON STAGE.
LOOK, I SAW MICHAEL JACKSON AT HIS HEIGHT, AN EXTRAORDINARY
PERFORMER.
MICHAEL WOULD DO HIS THING, YOU KNOW, AND HE WOULD AFTER TWO,
THREE SONGS, GO BACK, COME BACK.
SHE'S PERFORMING TWO HOURS NONSTOP.
SHE CAN SING.
SHE CAN DANCE.
MICHAEL'S VOCAL HEIGHT WAS FROM, SAY, 10 TO ABOUT 21.
BEYONCE'S IS NOW STRONG AT 40 AS IT EVER HAS BEEN AT 20.
SO WHEN I THINK ABOUT THE WAYS IN WHICH SHE CHANNELS BLACK
IDEAS, WHEN SHE CHANNELS AMERICAN IDEAS, WHEN SHE
CHANNELS WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A HUMAN BEING IN CONTEXT OF
HARMONY AND MELODY, GIRL GROUPS-- CHANNELING ALL OF THAT
BEAUTY AND POWER IN ONE BODY, AND THEN MAKING US BE RIVETTED
BY HER PERFORMANCE, I THINK SHE DOES SHE IS AN EXTRAORDINARY
PERSON.
( APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: I'M NOT GOING FIGHT YOU.
I'M NOT GOING TO FIGHT YOU.
THERE IS NO GREATER FAN OF BEYONCE THAN YOURS TRULY.
SHE'S A DEAR FRIEND AND I HOPE TO MEET HER SOME DAY.
PLEASE COME ON THE SHOW.
PLEASE, COME ON THE SHOW.
JON, YOU GUYS IN THE BAND, DO YOU HAVE ANY OPINION WHO THE IS
GREATEST ENTERTAINER OF ALL TIME OVER THERE?
>> Jon: YEAH, YEAH.
>> I'M GOING TO GO FOR PRINCE MYSELF.
( APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: OH, ALL RIGHT.
DEFEND YOURSELF.
>> PRINCE WAS AN EXTRAORDINARY ARTIST.
I WAS ON STAGE WITH PRINCE ONCE.
HE SAID, "I KNOW MR. DYSON CAN TALK, BUT CAN HE DANCE?"
I SAID, "SIR, YOU'RE TALKING TO ME?"
I GOT ON STAGE AND DANCED, ALONG WITH CEDRIC THE ENTERTAINER.
I LOVE PRINCE.
BUT WHEN YOU PUT IT ALL TOGETHER, SINCING, DANCING,
COMPOSING, EMBODYING LYRICS, BEYONCE IS UNCHALLENGED.
>> I SAY JAMES BROWN.
>> LOOK, JAMES BROWN WAS AMAZING.
THE FLUIDITY OF HIS MOVEMENT.
WAIT IN WHICH HE WAS ABLE TO EMBODY, THE BLACK ESTHETIC.
THE DRUM BECAME CENTRAL, THE PERCUSSIVE ELEMENT.
HE WAS AMAZING.
BUT, AGAIN, WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT THE ABILITY TO SUSTAIN --
>> Stephen: GOT YOU, GOT YOU, GOT YOU.
ANYBODY ELSE?
LAMPLEY.
>> I LIKE LOUIS ARMSTRONG ♪ I SEE GREEN TREE ♪
LOOK, LOUIE ARMSTRONG WAS AMAZING.
>> Stephen: TRANSFORMATIONAL.
>> TRANSFORMATIONAL.
CHOSE, WHAT, JULY 4, 1900 TO BE BORN.
HE WASN'T REALLY BORN THAT DAY, BUT HE CHOSE THAT DAY BECAUSE
AMERICAN DEMOCRACY WAS BLOWN THROUGH HIS TRUMPET.
HE WAS A MAN OF EPIC CREATIVITY WHO WAS ABLE TO ARTICULATE THE
BLUES SENSIBILITY OF BLACK PEOPLE.
BUT BEYONCE...
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: WE'RE GOOD.
WE'RE GOOD.
LOOK, I'M NOT GOING TO-- INDIA YOU GOT ONE.
>> DUKE ELLINGTON.
>> I MEAN, DUKE, WITH THAT...
( LAUGHTER ) WITH THAT PIANO BEFORE HIM.
TAKING "A" TRAIN.
HE WAS ABLE TO COMPOSE THE INCREDIBLE VITALITY OF BLACK
ART.
HE WAS ABLE TO PULL IN JOHNNY HODGES OPT SAXOPHONE.
HE WAS ABLE TO GIVE A VOICE TO MANY SINGERS, INCLUDING SARAH
VAUGHN.
BUT, BEYONCE.
>> Stephen: NOW, LISTEN, I ONLY GOT TWO RESPONSES, I ONLY
GOT TWO RESPONSES TO THIS.
AND, AGAIN, BEYONCE, SHE'S MY SOUL CYCLE EMERGENCY CONTACT.
WE'RE SUPER TIGHT.
DOES THE WORD-- DO THE WORDS "SAMMY DAVIS JR." MEAN NOTHING
IN THIS TOWN ANYMORE?
>> I MEAN, SAMMY DAVIS JR. WAS A GENIUS SINCE FIVE YEARS OLD.
>> Stephen: SING, DANCE, ACT.
>> EVERYTHING.
HE WAS CAPABLE OF DOING THAT.
BUT WHEN I PUT BEYONCE NEXT TO SEAM DAVIS I THINK SHE'S CAPABLE
-- >> Stephen: DIANA ROSS, DIANA
ROSS.
IS THERE ANYONE TODAY WITH THE IMPACT OF DIANA ROSS?
COME ON, MY FRIEND, DIANA ROSS-- BEYONCE WAS FANTASTIC IN "DREAM
GIRLS."
WHAT A WONDERFUL PERFORMANCE.
YOU KNOW WHO SHE'S TRYING TO PLAY?
DIANA ROSS!
>> WAIT, I HAVE NO DOUBT DIANA ROSS-- DIANA ROSS, A--
( LAUGHTER ) DIANA ROSS AT 75, EXTRAORDINARY,
EXQUISITE, FUSING WITH BARRY GORDIE'S MOTOWN.
I AM FROM DETROIT, MOTOWN FOUNDED IN 1959, DIANA ROSS
CLAIMING THE SWEET NUBILE TENDENCY OF BLACK FEMINIST AND
ARTICULATING THEM IN A POSTMODERN SPACE, BUT BEYONCE.
IS ABLE -- >> Stephen: JON, DO YOU HAVE
ANYTHING TO ADD?
>> LET'S LEAVE IT WITH JON.
JON WHAT DO YOU HAVE?
>> BEYONCE, THE COCHELLA PERFORMANCE.
SHE IS ONE OF MY HEROES.
AND ERAS ARE LIKE BASKETBALL.
THERE ARE GREATS IN EACH ERA, BUT IN THE NEXT 20 YEARS, I'M
COMING FOR ALL OF THEM.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
( LAUGHING ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> STEPHEN: "ENTERTAINING RACE" IS ON SALE NOW.
MICHAEL ERIC DYSON, EVERYBODY WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
THAT'S IT FOR THE LATE SHOW."
TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUEST WILL BE ANDY COHEN.
JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT.
GOOD NIGHT.