1 00:00:01,267 --> 00:00:03,937 >> THE QUEEN WAS EXPECTED TO MEET PRESIDENT BIDEN AND OTHER 2 00:00:04,003 --> 00:00:07,307 GLOBAL LEADERS IN GLASGOW ON MONDAY, BUT BUCKINGHAM PALACE 3 00:00:07,374 --> 00:00:10,777 SAYS SHE'S BEEN ADVISED TO STAY HERE AT THE CASTLE AND REST, 4 00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:12,011 PERFORMING ONLY LIGHT DUTIES. 5 00:00:12,078 --> 00:00:15,014 IN A STATEMENT, THE PALACE SAYS: ♪ ♪ ♪ 6 00:00:24,090 --> 00:00:28,661 >> I AM DELIGHTED TO WELCOME YOU ALL TO THE 26th UNITED 7 00:00:28,728 --> 00:00:32,866 NATIONS CLIMATE CHANGE CONFERENCE. 8 00:00:32,932 --> 00:00:34,367 TODAY, I WILL BE PRESENTING A MULTIMEDIA PRESENTATION VIA 9 00:00:34,434 --> 00:00:38,338 QUEEN SCREEN TECHNOLOGY. 10 00:00:38,405 --> 00:00:42,008 AS THE EARTH WARMS, RECORD HIGHS WILL CAUSE SEA LEVELS TO RISE, 11 00:00:42,075 --> 00:00:48,014 ALLOWING SHARKS UNFETTERED ACCESS TO DELICIOUS BEACHGOERS. 12 00:00:48,081 --> 00:00:50,517 AS RESOURCES BECOME SCARCE, AUSTRALIANS WILL BE FORCED TO 13 00:00:50,583 --> 00:00:54,020 FIGHT KANGAROOS FOR FOOD. 14 00:00:54,087 --> 00:00:56,256 NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I'M GOING TO WATCH "THE CROWN" ON MY 15 00:00:56,322 --> 00:00:58,158 FROCK. 16 00:00:58,224 --> 00:00:58,691 I WONDER WHAT I DO NEXT. 17 00:01:00,593 --> 00:01:05,999 >> ANNOUNCER: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT." 18 00:01:06,065 --> 00:01:09,769 TONIGHT: PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES: 19 00:01:12,071 --> 00:01:17,677 MICHAEL C. HALL AND MICHAEL ERIC DYSON 20 00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:28,788 FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN. 21 00:01:28,855 --> 00:01:30,023 AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK 22 00:01:30,089 --> 00:01:33,693 CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 23 00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:39,165 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪ 24 00:01:39,232 --> 00:01:40,266 >> Stephen: OH, YOU! 25 00:01:40,333 --> 00:01:43,403 THAT'S THE MAN I'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT! 26 00:01:43,470 --> 00:01:51,444 THERE YOU GO! 27 00:01:51,511 --> 00:01:53,012 OH, MY GOODNESS. 28 00:01:53,079 --> 00:01:54,013 OH, MY GOODNESS. 29 00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:55,448 THAT'S A SHOT-- OH! 30 00:01:55,515 --> 00:01:59,586 A SHOT OF ENERGY RIGHT THERE. 31 00:01:59,652 --> 00:02:03,323 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HEY! 32 00:02:03,389 --> 00:02:04,557 HEY, EVERYBODY. 33 00:02:04,624 --> 00:02:07,393 WELCOME, WELCOME ONE AND ALL, IN HERE, OUT THERE, TO "THE LATE 34 00:02:07,460 --> 00:02:08,628 SHOW." 35 00:02:08,695 --> 00:02:09,796 I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. 36 00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:16,269 IT IS-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 37 00:02:16,336 --> 00:02:19,138 IT'S ELECTION DAY IN MANY PLACES ACROSS THE COUNTRY, INCLUDING 38 00:02:19,205 --> 00:02:24,177 HERE IN NEW YORK, WHERE IT IS THE MAYORAL ELECTION. 39 00:02:24,244 --> 00:02:26,279 VOTERS WILL GET TO REPLACE BILL DE BLASIO WITH THEIR 40 00:02:26,346 --> 00:02:28,715 FAVORITE OPTION: ANYONE ELSE. 41 00:02:28,781 --> 00:02:33,553 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 42 00:02:33,620 --> 00:02:35,622 NOW, THE TWO ANYONES ARE DEMOCRAT AND GUY REGRETTING 43 00:02:35,688 --> 00:02:40,827 HAVING PICKED, "I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU" AT KARAOKE, ERIC 44 00:02:40,894 --> 00:02:44,163 ADAMS, AND REPUBLICAN AND FRENCH GYM OWNER, CURTIS SLIWA. 45 00:02:44,230 --> 00:02:50,403 ( LAUGHTER ) OUI, MONSIEUR. 46 00:02:50,470 --> 00:02:53,339 NOW, WE TAPE THIS SHOW-- WE TAPE THIS SHOW AROUND 5:30 IN THE 47 00:02:53,406 --> 00:02:55,775 AFTERNOON, WHICH IS BEFORE THE POLLS CLOSE, SO WE DON'T KNOW 48 00:02:55,842 --> 00:02:59,412 WHO WON. 49 00:02:59,479 --> 00:03:01,981 CONGRATULATIONS, ERIC ADAMS. 50 00:03:02,048 --> 00:03:02,882 LOOMING-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 51 00:03:02,949 --> 00:03:04,450 PROBABLY, PROBABLY. 52 00:03:04,517 --> 00:03:10,223 SORRY, CURTIS, SORRY. 53 00:03:10,290 --> 00:03:11,524 LOOMING DEFEAT DID NOT STOP CURTIS SLIWA FROM TRYING TO VOTE 54 00:03:11,591 --> 00:03:17,297 EARLIER TODAY WITH AN ADORABLE KITTEN NAMED GIZMO. 55 00:03:17,363 --> 00:03:19,465 ELECTION WORKERS WOULD NOT LET THE CAT IN, BUT IT IS CUTE. 56 00:03:19,532 --> 00:03:21,200 IT REMINDS ME OF WHEN MAYOR BLOOMBERG WENT TO THE POLLS 57 00:03:21,267 --> 00:03:24,270 RIDING ON THE BACK OF A MOUSE. 58 00:03:24,337 --> 00:03:26,439 ( LAUGHTER ) HE'S VERY SMALL, A VERY, VERY 59 00:03:26,506 --> 00:03:33,079 SMALL MAN, VERY RICH, VERY SMALL. 60 00:03:33,146 --> 00:03:35,415 THE MEDIA ARE IN A TIZZY OVER THE VIRGINIA GOVERNOR'S RACE 61 00:03:35,481 --> 00:03:37,817 FEATURING DEMOCRAT AND STUDENT SAYING, "UH, TEACHER, YOU FORGOT 62 00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:41,354 TO GIVE US HOMEWORK," TERRY MCAULIFFE AGAINST FORMER PRIVATE 63 00:03:41,421 --> 00:03:47,427 EQUITY C.E.O. AND UNHOLY LOVE CHILD OF MR. ROGERS AND 64 00:03:47,493 --> 00:03:50,897 TED CRUZ, ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 65 00:03:50,964 --> 00:03:56,102 ( LAUGHTER ) WOW. 66 00:03:56,169 --> 00:03:57,303 I HAVE SEEN TOO MUCH. 67 00:03:57,370 --> 00:04:00,273 I MUST WIPE AWAY MY EYES. 68 00:04:00,340 --> 00:04:03,109 ( LAUGHTER ) GLENN YOUNGKIN. 69 00:04:03,176 --> 00:04:11,150 AGAIN, WE HAVE NO IDEA WHO WON, BUT WE DO KNOW ONE THING: THIS 70 00:04:11,217 --> 00:04:15,088 IS THE MOST IMPORTANT ELECTION OF THE CENTURY OF THIS YEAR, IS 71 00:04:15,154 --> 00:04:16,456 WHAT THE NATIONAL PRESS KEEPS SAYING. 72 00:04:16,522 --> 00:04:19,425 WE'LL HAVE MORE ON THIS STORY, IF I FEEL LIKE TALKING ABOUT IT 73 00:04:19,492 --> 00:04:22,895 TOMORROW. 74 00:04:22,962 --> 00:04:25,498 IT'S ALSO DIA DE LOS MUERTOS, OR ( APPLAUSE ) 75 00:04:25,565 --> 00:04:26,699 DAY OF THE DEAD. 76 00:04:26,766 --> 00:04:31,437 BUT IF CLIMATE CHANGE CONTINUES AT ITS CURRENT PACE, SOON IT 77 00:04:31,504 --> 00:04:33,072 WILL JUST BE CALLED DAY. 78 00:04:33,139 --> 00:04:35,074 ( LAUGHTER ) WORLD LEADERS ARE TALKING ABOUT 79 00:04:35,141 --> 00:04:38,711 MAYBE DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT AT THE U.N. CLIMATE CONFERENCE 80 00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:39,112 IN GLASGOW. 81 00:04:39,178 --> 00:04:42,982 WAIT A SECOND. 82 00:04:43,049 --> 00:04:44,217 DOING SOMETHING ABOUT CLIMATE AT A CLIMATE CONFERENCE, WHAT ARE 83 00:04:44,283 --> 00:04:45,084 THE ODDS? 84 00:04:45,151 --> 00:04:47,420 NOT GOOD. 85 00:04:47,487 --> 00:04:49,922 ( LAUGHTER ) BUT THEY HAVE AGREED TO SOME 86 00:04:49,989 --> 00:04:51,090 STUFF. 87 00:04:51,157 --> 00:04:55,328 YESTERDAY, MORE THAN 100 WORLD LEADERS PLEDGED TO HALT 88 00:04:55,395 --> 00:04:56,462 DEFORESTATION BY 2030. 89 00:04:56,529 --> 00:04:59,432 OF COURSE, TO DO THAT, THEY'LL NEED A DETAILED PLAN, THAT 90 00:04:59,499 --> 00:05:02,935 THEY'LL NEED TO PRINT OUT ON THOUSANDS UPON THOUSANDS OF 91 00:05:03,002 --> 00:05:03,970 PIECES OF PAPER. 92 00:05:04,037 --> 00:05:07,407 ( LAUGHTER ) AND NO ONE WAS HAPPIER ABOUT THE 93 00:05:07,473 --> 00:05:09,308 AGREEMENT THAN BRITISH PRIME MINISTER BORIS JOHNSON, SEEN 94 00:05:09,375 --> 00:05:11,978 HERE STICKING HIS JOHNSON IN A LIGHT SOCKET. 95 00:05:12,045 --> 00:05:14,213 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 96 00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:14,981 JOHNSON-- ( APPLAUSE ) 97 00:05:15,048 --> 00:05:15,948 ANY PART OF HIM. 98 00:05:16,015 --> 00:05:21,220 ANY PART OF HIM IS "THE JOHNSON." 99 00:05:21,287 --> 00:05:23,423 IT'S ALL JOHNSON. 100 00:05:23,489 --> 00:05:26,693 JOHNSON HAD ONE MAN HE WANTED TO SINGLE OUT FOR PRAISE: 101 00:05:26,759 --> 00:05:31,431 >> LET ME BEGIN BY THANKING JOE, PRESIDENT BIDEN, FOR YOUR 102 00:05:31,497 --> 00:05:33,066 FANTASTIC COMMITMENT TODAY. 103 00:05:33,132 --> 00:05:39,105 I SAY TO EVERYBODY ELSE HERE AT THIS COP, LET'S END THIS GREAT 104 00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:43,376 GLOBAL CHAINSAW MASSACRE. 105 00:05:43,443 --> 00:05:44,544 >> STEPHEN: COINCIDENTALLY, "CHAINSAW MASSACRE" IS WHAT 106 00:05:44,610 --> 00:05:47,413 BORIS JOHNSON ASKS FOR AT THE BARBER. 107 00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:48,614 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 108 00:05:48,681 --> 00:05:55,488 OF GOT A LITTLE-- GOT A LITTLE-- >> Jon: THEY PUSHED HIS LINE 109 00:05:55,555 --> 00:06:01,060 BACK. 110 00:06:01,127 --> 00:06:02,862 >> STEPHEN: THE SUMMIT ALSO GOT A VIDEO PEP TALK FROM YOUNG 111 00:06:02,929 --> 00:06:05,264 CLIMATE ACTIVIST, QUEEN ELIZABETH: 112 00:06:05,331 --> 00:06:07,033 >> I FOR ONE HOPE THAT THIS CONFERENCE WILL BE ONE OF THOSE 113 00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:08,768 RARE OCCASIONS WHERE EVERYONE WILL HAVE THE CHANCE TO RISE 114 00:06:08,835 --> 00:06:11,104 ABOVE THE POLITICS OF THE MOMENT. 115 00:06:11,170 --> 00:06:13,439 >> STEPHEN: (AS QUEEN) WE MUST ALL COME TOGETHER, 116 00:06:13,506 --> 00:06:16,809 BECAUSE THE ENEMY IS SO CLEAR, JUST LIKE IN WORLD WAR II WHEN 117 00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:18,945 EVERYONE KNEW WHERE THEY STOOD AND NO ONE'S UNCLE WAS 118 00:06:19,011 --> 00:06:19,412 NAZI-CURIOUS. 119 00:06:19,479 --> 00:06:21,080 DON'T GOOGLE IT. 120 00:06:21,147 --> 00:06:27,086 ( LAUGHTER ) ( LAUGHTER ) 121 00:06:27,153 --> 00:06:33,693 SHE QUEENED ON: >> THE BENEFITS OF SUCH ACTIONS 122 00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:37,530 WILL NOT BE THERE TO ENJOY FOR ALL OF US HERE TODAY. 123 00:06:37,597 --> 00:06:39,699 NONE OF US WILL LIVE FOREVER. 124 00:06:39,766 --> 00:06:40,767 >> STEPHEN: ARE YOU SURE? 125 00:06:40,833 --> 00:06:43,336 BECAUSE IT SEEMS LIKE YOU'RE PRETTY CLOSE. 126 00:06:43,402 --> 00:06:47,340 ( LAUGHTER ) ONE-- SHE LOOKS GOOD. 127 00:06:47,406 --> 00:06:49,809 SHE LOOKS FINE-- SHE LOOKS GOOD. 128 00:06:49,876 --> 00:06:51,377 >> Jon: YEAH, SHE LOOKS GOOD. 129 00:06:51,444 --> 00:06:54,080 >> Stephen: PRETTY GOOD. 130 00:06:54,147 --> 00:06:55,248 ONE WORLD LEADER WHO'S NOT AT THE CLIMATE CONFERENCE IS 131 00:06:55,314 --> 00:06:59,418 BRAZILIAN PRESIDENT JAIR BOLSONARO, SEEN HERE 132 00:06:59,485 --> 00:07:01,053 MID-BRAZILIAN. 133 00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:10,196 ( LAUGHTER ) HE'S IN ITALY, WHERE HE WAS 134 00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:13,065 ASKED ABOUT BRAZIL'S CLIMATE POLICY, AND TOLD REPORTERS ABOUT 135 00:07:13,132 --> 00:07:18,838 A HIGH-LEVEL MEETING HE HAD WITH ONE OFFICIAL. 136 00:07:18,905 --> 00:07:21,140 "YEAH, I TALKED TO JIM CARREY, TOO, SOMETHING PRIVATE. 137 00:07:21,207 --> 00:07:23,342 SORRY, I CAN'T TALK TO YOU." 138 00:07:23,409 --> 00:07:25,044 YES, JIM CARREY. 139 00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:27,880 A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK HE MEANT U.S. CLIMATE ENVOY JOHN KERRY. 140 00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:29,048 BUT I THINK HE MEANT JIM CARREY. 141 00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:31,450 ( LAUGHTER ) AFTER ALL, A LOT OF COUNTRIES 142 00:07:31,517 --> 00:07:33,586 HAVE PROMISED TO REDUCE EMISSIONS, BUT I SAY... 143 00:07:33,653 --> 00:07:36,155 "LIAR LIAR." 144 00:07:36,222 --> 00:07:39,292 TO BELIEVE THEN YOU'D HAVE TO BE "DUMB AND DUMBER." 145 00:07:39,358 --> 00:07:41,828 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I MEAN, "BRUCE ALMIGHTY." 146 00:07:41,894 --> 00:07:47,233 IF WE DON'T SAVE THE EARTH FROM THE DAMAGING EFFECTS OF "ETERNAL 147 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:53,840 SUNSHINE," WE MAY BE FORCED TO PUT EVERY "MAN ON THE MOON." 148 00:07:53,906 --> 00:07:58,544 NOT TO MENTION WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN TO THE POLAR ICE CAPS AND 149 00:07:58,611 --> 00:08:00,379 ( BLEEP ) "MR. POPPERS PENGUINS." 150 00:08:00,446 --> 00:08:01,581 IF WE DON'T SOLVE THIS CRISIS, WE'LL REGRET IT... 151 00:08:01,647 --> 00:08:02,882 "BATMAN FOREVER." 152 00:08:02,949 --> 00:08:03,950 OKAY THERE WE GO. 153 00:08:04,016 --> 00:08:05,117 THERE YOU GO. 154 00:08:05,184 --> 00:08:05,685 THERE YOU GO. 155 00:08:05,751 --> 00:08:06,252 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). 156 00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:16,495 YOU OKAY? 157 00:08:16,562 --> 00:08:20,666 OH, HEY, HE SAID, SHIFTING GEARS. 158 00:08:20,733 --> 00:08:23,269 THERE'S BIG NEWS FOR LITTLE ONES. 159 00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:26,539 AFTER APPROVAL BY THE F.D.A., TODAY, THE C.D.C. VOTED TO GIVE 160 00:08:26,606 --> 00:08:31,911 THE PFIZER VACCINE TO KIDS AGES FIVE TO ELEVEN. 161 00:08:31,978 --> 00:08:33,145 THAT'S GREAT! 162 00:08:33,212 --> 00:08:41,287 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THAT'S WONDERFUL! 163 00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:43,489 BUT SOME ARE WORRIED ABOUT KIDS HAVING A FEAR OF NEEDLES. 164 00:08:43,556 --> 00:08:45,258 TO BE FAIR, THEY'RE NOT PHOBIC OF NEEDLES. 165 00:08:45,324 --> 00:08:48,828 THEY'RE SCARED OF BEING STABBED BY THEM. 166 00:08:48,895 --> 00:08:51,330 I'M NOT SCARED OF PINEAPPLES, BUT I WOULD BE WORRIED IF MY 167 00:08:51,397 --> 00:08:53,266 DOCTOR GRABBED ONE AND SAID, "OKAY, BEND OVER AND TRY TO 168 00:08:53,332 --> 00:08:57,637 RELAX." 169 00:08:57,703 --> 00:08:59,572 BUT EXPERTS SAY THERE ARE WAYS TO PUT YOUR KIDS AT EASE. 170 00:08:59,639 --> 00:09:04,243 FOR INSTANCE, YOU CAN PREPARE THEM BY READING CHILDREN'S BOOKS 171 00:09:04,310 --> 00:09:05,111 ABOUT GOING TO THE DOCTOR. 172 00:09:05,177 --> 00:09:07,246 I RECOMMEND: "ONE SHOT, TWO SHOT, BOOSTER 173 00:09:07,313 --> 00:09:09,582 SHOT, MAYBE MORE SHOTS? 174 00:09:09,649 --> 00:09:11,284 WE'RE NOT SURE." 175 00:09:11,350 --> 00:09:18,958 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) BUT-- 176 00:09:19,025 --> 00:09:21,594 IF YOU'RE REALLY WORRIED ABOUT YOUR KID'S REACTION TO PAIN, 177 00:09:21,661 --> 00:09:25,598 DOCTORS SAY YOU CAN ASK FOR NUMBING CREAMS, WHICH WILL DULL 178 00:09:25,665 --> 00:09:29,268 THE SENSATION OF THE NEEDLE ON THEIR SKIN. 179 00:09:29,335 --> 00:09:31,203 WE HAVE THAT? 180 00:09:31,270 --> 00:09:33,572 ( LAUGHTER ) WHAT ELSE ARE DOCTORS HIDING 181 00:09:33,639 --> 00:09:36,575 FROM US? 182 00:09:36,642 --> 00:09:37,910 "WELL, WE HAVE THIS PILL THAT MAKES ROOT CANAL FEEL LIKE AN 183 00:09:37,977 --> 00:09:42,682 ORGASM, BUT YOU WOULDN'T BE INTERESTED." 184 00:09:42,748 --> 00:09:44,550 PSYCHOLOGISTS SAY THAT PARENTS CAN ALSO HAVE YOUR CHILD CREATE 185 00:09:44,617 --> 00:09:45,618 A PLAYLIST TO LISTEN TO DURING THE APPOINTMENT. 186 00:09:45,685 --> 00:09:49,255 ABSOLUTELY NOT. 187 00:09:49,322 --> 00:09:53,292 I GET WANTING TO MAKE YOUR KID COMFORTABLE, BUT THEY DON'T NEED 188 00:09:53,359 --> 00:09:57,263 A PLAYLIST FOR ONE SHOT. 189 00:09:57,330 --> 00:09:59,265 FOR PETE'S SAKE, ON THE PLAYGROUND, THESE KIDS ARE NOT 190 00:09:59,332 --> 00:10:03,169 GOING, "WAIT, TYLER. BEFORE I THROW THESE WOOD CHIPS IN YOUR 191 00:10:03,235 --> 00:10:04,303 FACE. 192 00:10:04,370 --> 00:10:05,071 LET ME PUT ON YOUR WHITE NOISE MACHINE AND GIVE YOU YOUR 193 00:10:05,137 --> 00:10:06,038 COMFORT ANIMAL. 194 00:10:06,105 --> 00:10:08,407 DO YOU NEED A NUMBING CREAM FOR YOUR FEELINGS? 195 00:10:08,474 --> 00:10:09,575 NO? 196 00:10:09,642 --> 00:10:10,843 OKAY, PUNCH HIM." 197 00:10:10,910 --> 00:10:12,812 THERE'S SOME BIG NEWS-- ( APPLAUSE ) 198 00:10:12,878 --> 00:10:15,281 I WAS BULLIED ON THE PLAYGROUND. 199 00:10:15,348 --> 00:10:18,250 I'M SAYING I WAS BULLIED-- I WAS BULLIED ON THE PLAYGROUND. 200 00:10:18,317 --> 00:10:21,587 THERE'S SOME BIG NEWS FROM THE ENDLESS VOID, AND IT HAS TO DO 201 00:10:21,654 --> 00:10:23,389 WITH ORBITAL TOILETS. 202 00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:25,191 I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT IN TONIGHT'S: 203 00:10:25,257 --> 00:10:33,532 ( ECHOING ) "SPACE NEWS: PLUMBING EDITION " 204 00:10:33,599 --> 00:10:40,840 ( TOILET FLUSHES ) SOME ROUGH NEWS FOR THE SPACE-X 205 00:10:40,906 --> 00:10:42,041 ASTRONAUTS. 206 00:10:42,108 --> 00:10:45,177 BACK IN SEPTEMBER, THEIR FIRST CAPSULE HAD TOILET ISSUES, AND 207 00:10:45,244 --> 00:10:49,181 WHILE THAT'S BEING FIXED, A SECOND CAPSULE CALLED "ENDEAVOR" 208 00:10:49,248 --> 00:10:51,584 NOW ALSO HAS A LEAKY TOILET, AND EVIDENCE OF URINE LEAKING INTO 209 00:10:51,650 --> 00:10:52,685 THE WALLS. 210 00:10:52,752 --> 00:10:53,686 AND BECAUSE THEY'RE IN SPACE, THEY DON'T HAVE A WAY TO 211 00:10:53,753 --> 00:10:55,888 IMMEDIATELY FIX THE ISSUE. 212 00:10:55,955 --> 00:10:57,289 APPARENTLY, WHEN YOU'RE UP THERE, YOU CAN'T JUST CALL THE 213 00:10:57,356 --> 00:11:01,193 SUPER: "LOOK, I KNOW YOU GOT PEE WALLS, 214 00:11:01,260 --> 00:11:05,264 BUT FIRST I GOT A TENANT ON GANYMEDE WITH INTERGALACTIC 215 00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:06,432 RATS. 216 00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:08,300 THEN I'LL BE GONE FOR A WEEK VISITING MY DAUGHTER IN SPACE 217 00:11:08,367 --> 00:11:09,201 PITTSBURGH." 218 00:11:09,268 --> 00:11:12,872 ( LAUGHTER ) IT'S LIKE PITTSBURGH... 219 00:11:12,938 --> 00:11:15,307 BUT IN SPACE. 220 00:11:15,374 --> 00:11:16,909 THE LACK OF PLUMBING SOLUTIONS ON THE CAPSULE WILL LEAVE A 221 00:11:16,976 --> 00:11:21,147 GROUP OF FOUR ASTRONAUTS WITHOUT A BATHROOM OPTION DURING THEIR 222 00:11:21,213 --> 00:11:22,148 HOURS-LONG TRIP BACK HOME. 223 00:11:22,214 --> 00:11:25,184 BUT NASA HAS A SOLUTION: THE CREW SHOULD RELY ON 224 00:11:25,251 --> 00:11:28,821 UNDERGARMENTS. 225 00:11:28,888 --> 00:11:32,625 OKAY, BUT BE CAREFUL WHICH UNDERGARMENTS YOU CHOOSE. 226 00:11:32,691 --> 00:11:33,626 IT'S VERY HARD TO POOP IN A BRA. 227 00:11:33,692 --> 00:11:39,965 ( LAUGHTER ) YOU DO GET TWO SHOTS, THEN YOU 228 00:11:40,032 --> 00:11:41,167 CAN FIRE IT OUT THE WINDOW. 229 00:11:41,233 --> 00:11:45,604 IN OTHER NEWS FROM THE I.S.S., ASTRONAUT MEGAN MCARTHUR USED 230 00:11:45,671 --> 00:11:49,141 THE FIRST CHILE PEPPERS GROWN IN SPACE TO MAKE ZERO-G TACOS. 231 00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:52,044 THEY BETTER HURRY UP AND FIX THAT SPACE TOILET. 232 00:11:52,111 --> 00:11:56,148 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 233 00:11:56,215 --> 00:12:01,187 YOU KNOW WHY, YOU KNOW WHY, RIGHT? 234 00:12:01,253 --> 00:12:04,890 I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT IN TONIGHT'S EDITION OF 235 00:12:04,957 --> 00:12:09,195 ( ECHOING ) "SPACE NEWS: SPACE TACOS 236 00:12:09,261 --> 00:12:13,199 EDITION." 237 00:12:13,265 --> 00:12:18,671 ♪ ♪ ♪ 238 00:12:18,737 --> 00:12:21,173 THE TACO-MAKING ASTRONAUT TWEETED A PICTURE OF HER MEAL, 239 00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:22,875 WITH THE CAPTION, "FRIDAY FEASTING." 240 00:12:22,942 --> 00:12:25,177 WHAT? 241 00:12:25,244 --> 00:12:28,881 OKAY, LOOK, THIS IS A TROUBLING TREND. 242 00:12:28,948 --> 00:12:33,185 JUST LAST MONTH, NATIONAL TACO DAY WAS ON A MONDAY. 243 00:12:33,252 --> 00:12:36,422 AND NOW, ANOTHER VIOLATION OF THE SANCTITY OF TACO TUESDAY: 244 00:12:36,489 --> 00:12:37,456 SPACE TACO FRIDAY. 245 00:12:37,523 --> 00:12:41,760 DO OUR EARTH HOLIDAYS MEAN NOTHING TO YOU UP THERE? 246 00:12:41,827 --> 00:12:48,434 UNLESS THERE'S A SCIENTIFIC EXPLANATION. 247 00:12:48,501 --> 00:12:49,602 I MEAN, AFTER ALL, THE I.S.S. 248 00:12:49,668 --> 00:12:53,506 DOES ORBIT THE EARTH ABOUT 17,200 MILES AN HOUR, ONCE EVERY 249 00:12:53,572 --> 00:12:55,641 90 MINUTES, MEANING EACH DAY ON EARTH IS 16 DAYS IN SPACE. 250 00:12:55,708 --> 00:12:57,243 AND DUE TO RELATIVITY, EARTH'S FAJITA FRIDAY MIGHT BE THEIR 251 00:12:57,309 --> 00:13:01,180 SIZZLIN' STEAK SATURDAY. 252 00:13:01,247 --> 00:13:04,884 AND IN ZERO GS, THEIR MARGARITAS ARE NOT ONLY BOTTOMLESS. 253 00:13:04,950 --> 00:13:08,954 THEY HAVE NO SIDES OR TOP. 254 00:13:09,021 --> 00:13:10,723 WE HAVE TO GET OUR TOP SCIENTISTS ON THIS. 255 00:13:10,789 --> 00:13:11,891 OR JIMMY BUFFET. 256 00:13:11,957 --> 00:13:15,127 ON THE OTHER HAND, TODAY-- A TUESDAY-- IS NATIONAL DEVILED 257 00:13:15,194 --> 00:13:16,762 EGG DAY. 258 00:13:16,829 --> 00:13:17,596 SO SATAN WINS AGAIN. 259 00:13:17,663 --> 00:13:18,097 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ). 260 00:13:18,164 --> 00:13:19,165 SAD, GOTTA FIGHT IT. 261 00:13:19,231 --> 00:13:21,167 GOT TO FIGHT IT. 262 00:13:21,233 --> 00:13:23,435 EVEN MORE CONCERNING, NO ONE KNOWS THE EFFECTS OF CONSUMING 263 00:13:23,502 --> 00:13:30,643 TACOS WITH SPACE CHILIS, BUT PRELIMINARY RESEARCH DOES NOT 264 00:13:30,709 --> 00:13:34,880 LOOK GOOD, ACCORDING TO THIS FOOTAGE FROM A RECENT STUDY: 265 00:13:34,947 --> 00:13:37,082 >> YO QUIERO TACO BELL. 266 00:13:37,149 --> 00:13:38,784 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 267 00:13:38,851 --> 00:13:40,319 >> STEPHEN: I'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. 268 00:13:40,386 --> 00:13:44,990 MY GUESTS ARE MICHAEL C. HALL AND MICHAEL ERIC DYSON. 269 00:13:45,057 --> 00:13:47,826 BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, IT'S "MEANWHILE." 270 00:13:47,893 --> 00:13:48,827 IT'S "MEANWHILE." 271 00:13:48,894 --> 00:13:52,698 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 272 00:14:17,923 --> 00:14:19,959 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: JON BATISTE AND 273 00:14:20,025 --> 00:14:33,706 STAY HUMAN, EVERYBODY. 274 00:14:33,772 --> 00:14:37,710 YEAH. 275 00:14:37,776 --> 00:14:39,411 ( APPLAUSE ) JON... 276 00:14:39,478 --> 00:14:45,417 ( APPLAUSE ) JON, I LOVE THAT-- I LOVE THAT 277 00:14:45,484 --> 00:14:46,185 OUTFIT. 278 00:14:46,252 --> 00:14:47,419 >> Jon: OH, YEAH. 279 00:14:47,486 --> 00:14:49,688 >> Stephen: I REALLY LIKE-- I REALLY LIKE THE BOLDNESS OF THAT 280 00:14:49,755 --> 00:14:50,289 PINK. 281 00:14:50,356 --> 00:14:51,390 WHAT WOULD YOU CALL THAT? 282 00:14:51,457 --> 00:14:53,859 >> Jon: THAT IS LIKE BUBBLE GUM. 283 00:14:53,926 --> 00:14:54,760 >> Stephen: THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT. 284 00:14:54,827 --> 00:14:55,861 >> Jon: BUBBLE GUM ICE CREAM. 285 00:14:55,928 --> 00:15:01,233 IT'S A GOOD VIBE TO FEEL THE COLORS OF YOUR CHILDHOOD. 286 00:15:01,300 --> 00:15:04,670 >> Stephen: IT'S ALSO-- IT'S ALSO A REAL WAKE-ME-UP. 287 00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:09,642 THAT'S A CUP OF COFFEE FOR MY EYES RIGHT NOW. 288 00:15:09,708 --> 00:15:13,812 SPEAKING OF WAKING UP, TOMORROW YOU WILL BE ON "CBS MORNINGS." 289 00:15:13,879 --> 00:15:14,880 >> Jon: YES. 290 00:15:14,947 --> 00:15:19,718 >> Stephen: AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON "CBS MORNINGS"? 291 00:15:19,785 --> 00:15:23,489 >> Jon: I'M SINGING A SONG AND IT'S CALLED "SING." 292 00:15:23,555 --> 00:15:24,790 YOU DON'T WANT TO MISS IT. 293 00:15:24,857 --> 00:15:25,924 IT'S A GREAT PERFORMANCE. 294 00:15:25,991 --> 00:15:29,695 >> Stephen: WHAT TIME IS THAT SHOW ON? 295 00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:33,632 WHEN DOES-- WHEN DOES THAT SHOW COME ON? 296 00:15:33,699 --> 00:15:35,934 >> IT COMES ON AT 7:00. 297 00:15:36,001 --> 00:15:39,171 >> Stephen: THEY'RE GOING TO OPEN IT UP WITH YOU. 298 00:15:39,238 --> 00:15:42,374 >> Jon: I'LL BE ON THERE LATER ON, LATER AFTER 7:00. 299 00:15:42,441 --> 00:15:45,444 >> Stephen: YOU DON'T SEEM LIKE A 7:00 A.M. MAN TO ME. 300 00:15:45,511 --> 00:15:48,881 >> Jon: YEAH, UNLESS I'VE STAYED UP FROM THE NIGHT 301 00:15:48,947 --> 00:15:49,448 BEFORE... 302 00:15:49,515 --> 00:15:50,282 ( LAUGHTER ) YOU. 303 00:15:50,349 --> 00:15:51,083 >> Stephen: JUST GOT TO DRIVE THROUGH. 304 00:15:51,150 --> 00:15:52,418 >> Jon: YOU'RE JUST DRIVING ON HOME. 305 00:15:52,484 --> 00:15:54,853 >> Stephen: ALL RIGHT, I'LL BE SURE TO CHECK IT OUT. 306 00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:56,555 >> Jon: TYPICALLY, YEAH. 307 00:15:56,622 --> 00:16:00,859 >> Stephen: IS IT "MORNING" OR "CBS MORNINGS?" 308 00:16:00,926 --> 00:16:01,894 IS IT PLURAL. 309 00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:04,396 >> Jon: I THINK IT'S "MORNINGS." 310 00:16:04,463 --> 00:16:06,298 >> Stephen: IT USED TO BE "CBS THIS MORNING." 311 00:16:06,365 --> 00:16:07,599 SO IT WAS ONLY THAT MORNING THEY WERE WORRIED ABOUT, BUT EVERY 312 00:16:07,666 --> 00:16:09,535 SHOW NOW IS ALL MORNINGS. 313 00:16:09,601 --> 00:16:11,136 >> Jon: EVERY MORNING. 314 00:16:11,203 --> 00:16:13,605 >> Stephen: THAT'S A LOT OF RESPONSIBILITY. 315 00:16:13,672 --> 00:16:22,348 I'LL HAVE TO CHECK IT OUT. 316 00:16:22,414 --> 00:16:24,350 FOLKS, YOU KNOW, I SPEND A LOT OF TIME OVER THERE, CARVING THE 317 00:16:24,416 --> 00:16:25,551 FINEST, MOST-TOPICAL JAPANESE NEWS CYPRESS INTO AN EXPRESSIVE 318 00:16:25,617 --> 00:16:30,456 HANNYA DEMON MASK, DONNING MY BLACK AND GOLDEN SHOZOKU ROBES 319 00:16:30,522 --> 00:16:34,460 MADE OF THE SMOOTHEST STORY SILK, AND MASTERING AN ELABORATE 320 00:16:34,526 --> 00:16:35,694 CHOREOGRAPHY OF STILLNESS AND MOVEMENT, TO CREATE THE JAPANESE 321 00:16:35,761 --> 00:16:43,135 NOH THEATER PRODUCTION THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE. 322 00:16:43,202 --> 00:16:46,105 BUT SOMETIMES, JUST SOMETIMES, FOLKS, I ENTER A FUGUE STATE IN 323 00:16:46,171 --> 00:16:47,506 THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, SYPHON A BUCKETFUL OF GAS OUT OF MY 324 00:16:47,573 --> 00:16:49,441 NEIGHBOR'S MAZDA, RUN BAREFOOT FROM MY HOUSE TO A HOVEL UNDER 325 00:16:49,508 --> 00:16:51,377 THE TURNPIKE WHERE I ASK A HOBO FOR A LIGHT AND SET A GARBAGE 326 00:16:51,443 --> 00:16:55,714 CAN ABLAZE, THEN PLACE MY FROSTBITTEN HANDS IN FRONT OF 327 00:16:55,781 --> 00:16:59,385 THE DUMPSTER TO PROJECT THE SHADOW PUPPET WINO OPERA OF NEWS 328 00:16:59,451 --> 00:17:04,423 THAT IS MY SEGMENT, "MEANWHILE." 329 00:17:04,490 --> 00:17:06,759 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) IT'S LIKE-- IT'S LIKE A BREATH 330 00:17:06,825 --> 00:17:10,062 OF FRESH AIR IS WHAT IT IS. 331 00:17:10,129 --> 00:17:13,132 IT'S OXYGEN TO THE STARVED BRAIN. 332 00:17:13,198 --> 00:17:16,902 MEANWHILE, THE SOUP SCIENTISTS AT HEINZ HAVE HAD A 333 00:17:16,969 --> 00:17:19,538 BREAKTHROUGH, BECAUSE CHRISTMAS DINNER IN A CAN 334 00:17:19,605 --> 00:17:22,641 PROMISES AN ANSWER TO SUPERMARKET SHORTAGES. 335 00:17:22,708 --> 00:17:25,844 THAT'S RIGHT-- HOT, FESTIVE SLUDGE. 336 00:17:25,911 --> 00:17:31,116 QUICK, CHILDREN, GATHER 'ROUND-- GRANDPA IS GOING TO CARVE THE 337 00:17:31,183 --> 00:17:35,387 SOUP! 338 00:17:35,454 --> 00:17:37,189 THE CAN REPORTEDLY CONTAINS BIG CHUNKS OF TURKEY, PIGS IN 339 00:17:37,256 --> 00:17:40,426 BLANKETS, BRUSSELS SPROUTS, STUFFING BALLS, AND POTATOES, 340 00:17:40,492 --> 00:17:42,828 WITH A GRAVY AND CRANBERRY SAUCE. 341 00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:45,230 IT'S SO CONVENIENT WHEN FOOD GIVES YOU A PREVIEW OF WHAT 342 00:17:45,297 --> 00:17:48,300 IT'LL LOOK LIKE WHEN YOU THROW IT UP LATER. 343 00:17:48,367 --> 00:17:52,337 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 344 00:17:52,404 --> 00:17:58,143 BIG SOUP. 345 00:17:58,210 --> 00:18:01,113 MEANWHILE, IN SPAIN-- THE PLACE WHERE AMERICAN COLLEGE KIDS GO 346 00:18:01,180 --> 00:18:07,019 TO BECOME INTHUFFERABLE-- THERE'S AN ONGOING SCANDAL AFTER 347 00:18:07,085 --> 00:18:11,390 A WOMAN WON A MILLION-EURO SPANISH LITERARY PRIZE. 348 00:18:11,457 --> 00:18:13,125 THEN IT TURNED OUT THAT SHE WAS ACTUALLY THREE MEN. 349 00:18:13,192 --> 00:18:23,435 THIS IS EVEN WORSE THAN LAST YEAR WHERE A MAN WON THE PRIZE, 350 00:18:23,502 --> 00:18:25,103 BUT IT TURNED OUT THAT HE WAS ACTUALLY THREE KIDS INSIDE A 351 00:18:25,170 --> 00:18:27,372 TRENCH COAT. 352 00:18:27,439 --> 00:18:35,047 WHO CALIFORNIA CONDORS HAD VIRGIN BIRTHS. 353 00:18:35,113 --> 00:18:36,849 SCIENTISTS MADE THE DISCOVERY WHEN THEY DID GENETIC TESTING 354 00:18:36,915 --> 00:18:38,283 AND FOUND THAT NONE OF THE OTHER MALE BIRDS QUALIFIED TO BE THE 355 00:18:38,350 --> 00:18:40,419 FATHERS OF EITHER CHICK BASED ON THE DIFFERENCES IN THEIR D.N.A. 356 00:18:40,486 --> 00:18:44,690 I'M BEING TOLD WE HAVE FOOTAGE OF THE THE MOMENT THE CONDORS 357 00:18:44,756 --> 00:18:47,359 GOT THE NEWS. 358 00:18:47,426 --> 00:18:55,100 >> YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER! 359 00:18:55,167 --> 00:19:03,375 ( APPLAUSE ) ( LAUGHTER ) 360 00:19:03,442 --> 00:19:05,477 >> STEPHEN: MEANWHILE, IN ENGLAND, A MOTHER AND SON 361 00:19:05,544 --> 00:19:11,383 DISCOVERED A 100-YEAR-OLD LOVE NOTE HIDDEN UNDER A BROKEN 362 00:19:11,450 --> 00:19:16,822 BEDROOM TILE, READING, "MY OWN DARLING, MY OWN, MY OWN, WILL 363 00:19:16,889 --> 00:19:18,891 YOU TRY EVERY MORNING TO COME AND SEE ME. 364 00:19:18,957 --> 00:19:22,561 BUT PLEASE DON'T TELL ANYONE, BECAUSE IT MUST BE A SECRET FOR 365 00:19:22,628 --> 00:19:23,729 JUST YOUR EARS AND MINE." 366 00:19:23,795 --> 00:19:25,130 "MY OWN, MY OWN"-- THEY REALLY KNEW HOW TO SWEET TALK BACK 367 00:19:25,197 --> 00:19:28,667 THEN. 368 00:19:28,734 --> 00:19:29,835 NOWADAYS, WHAT QUALIFIES AS A LOVE NOTE IS, "IT'S GETTING 369 00:19:29,902 --> 00:19:30,602 LATE. 370 00:19:30,669 --> 00:19:35,374 SMASH OR PASS?" ( LAUGHTER ) 371 00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:44,850 ( APPLAUSE ) WHAT? 372 00:19:44,917 --> 00:19:47,386 WHAT? 373 00:19:47,452 --> 00:19:49,388 ( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, BUD LIGHT SELTZER HAS 374 00:19:49,454 --> 00:19:54,526 A NEW FLAVOR. 375 00:19:54,593 --> 00:19:55,494 FLAVOR! 376 00:19:55,561 --> 00:20:01,300 ( LAUGHTER ) UNFORTUNATELY, IT'S EGG NOG. 377 00:20:01,366 --> 00:20:06,405 PERFECT FOR ANYONE WHO LIKES EGG NOG BUT HATES THEMSELVES. 378 00:20:06,471 --> 00:20:09,841 THEY'RE CALLING THIS ABOMINATION SELTZER NOG AND DEFINING IT AS 379 00:20:09,908 --> 00:20:12,578 THE ORIGINAL HOLIDAY FAVE: EGG NOG WITH NOTES OF SWEET 380 00:20:12,644 --> 00:20:15,380 CINNAMON AND VANILLA FLAVORS IN SELTZER FORM. 381 00:20:15,447 --> 00:20:19,117 SO THE PERFECT THING TO CHASE DOWN YOUR CAN OF CHRISTMAS 382 00:20:19,184 --> 00:20:21,787 DINNER. 383 00:20:21,853 --> 00:20:24,923 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MICHAEL C. HALL. 384 00:20:24,990 --> 00:20:26,024 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 385 00:20:42,574 --> 00:20:50,816 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY, WELCOME BACK! 386 00:20:50,882 --> 00:20:56,455 ( APPLAUSE ) FOLKS, MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS 387 00:20:56,521 --> 00:20:59,958 AN ACTOR WHO SPENT EIGHT SEASONS PLAYING DEXTER ON SHOWTIME. 388 00:21:00,025 --> 00:21:03,595 NOW, AFTER EIGHT YEARS, HE'S RETURNING TO THE ROLE IN 389 00:21:03,662 --> 00:21:05,397 "DEXTER: NEW BLOOD." 390 00:21:05,464 --> 00:21:09,868 >> SORRY, I'M NOT THE GUY YOU'RE LOOKING FOR. 391 00:21:09,935 --> 00:21:16,708 IF YOU-- IF YOU WANT TO MAYBE TROWN THE TOWN SHELTER. 392 00:21:16,775 --> 00:21:17,909 IT'S RIGHT ON MAIN STREET. 393 00:21:17,976 --> 00:21:21,780 I KNOW THE OWNER, DESIREE. 394 00:21:21,847 --> 00:21:26,084 JUST TELL HER JIM LINDSAY SENT YOU AND SHE'LL TAKE YOU IN. 395 00:21:26,151 --> 00:21:28,353 WHATEVER YOU DECIDE I'M NOT GOING TO... 396 00:21:28,420 --> 00:21:30,389 REPORT YOU OR ANYTHING. 397 00:21:30,455 --> 00:21:38,463 YOU SEEM LIKE A GOOD KID. 398 00:21:38,530 --> 00:21:47,673 UM, THE NEXT BUS OUT OF TOWN IS TOMORROW NIGHT, 7:45. 399 00:21:47,739 --> 00:21:51,243 I HOPE YOU FIND WHOEVER YOU'RE LOOKING FOR. 400 00:21:51,309 --> 00:21:53,645 >> STEPHEN: PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," MICHAEL C. 401 00:21:53,712 --> 00:21:56,014 HALL. 402 00:21:56,081 --> 00:22:09,628 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 403 00:22:09,695 --> 00:22:11,930 >> Stephen: PLEASE, HYDRATE. 404 00:22:11,997 --> 00:22:12,464 GOOD TO SEE YOU. 405 00:22:12,531 --> 00:22:13,632 NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN. 406 00:22:13,699 --> 00:22:14,733 >> YOU, TOO. 407 00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:17,602 >> Stephen: I LIKE THE CHARCOAL GRAY FOR THE AUTUMN AND 408 00:22:17,669 --> 00:22:18,336 THE VEST. 409 00:22:18,403 --> 00:22:24,009 I DON'T SEE VESTS ENOUGH ANYMORE. 410 00:22:24,076 --> 00:22:26,111 >> I'M TRYING TO DO MY PART, BRING IT BACK. 411 00:22:26,178 --> 00:22:27,879 >> Stephen: IT'S VERY DISTINGUISHED. 412 00:22:27,946 --> 00:22:28,547 >> THANK YOU. 413 00:22:28,613 --> 00:22:29,481 >> Stephen: YOU'RE A TV STAR. 414 00:22:29,548 --> 00:22:32,718 YOU'RE A BROADWAY VET. 415 00:22:32,784 --> 00:22:37,255 YOU HAVE RECENTLYALDED ROCK STAR TO YOUR RESUME WITH THE NEW-- 416 00:22:37,322 --> 00:22:40,158 YOU LAUGH, BUT I'VE GOT PHOTOS TO PROVE IT. 417 00:22:40,225 --> 00:22:42,594 HERE WE ARE. 418 00:22:42,661 --> 00:22:44,229 THERE IT IS. 419 00:22:44,296 --> 00:22:48,667 THE BAND IS CALLED PRINCESS GOES TO THE BUTTERFLY MUSEUM. 420 00:22:48,734 --> 00:22:50,402 >> YEAH, SUCCINCT. 421 00:22:50,469 --> 00:22:54,673 >> Stephen: EXACTLY. 422 00:22:54,740 --> 00:22:56,608 PRINCESS GOES TO THE BUTTERFLY MUSEUM. 423 00:22:56,675 --> 00:22:58,877 WHERE DOES THAT COME FROM? 424 00:22:58,944 --> 00:23:05,617 >> OUR KEYBOARDEST, SHE WAS FIVE YEARS OLD AT THE TIME-- HIS 425 00:23:05,684 --> 00:23:10,922 DAUGHTER LET HIM KNOW AT THE TIME WE WERE THINKING OF A NAME, 426 00:23:10,989 --> 00:23:15,060 AND HE ASKED HER PERMISSION TO TAKE IT, AND SHE SAID YES, AND 427 00:23:15,127 --> 00:23:16,962 THAT'S HOW IT WAS BORN. 428 00:23:17,028 --> 00:23:18,630 ( LAUGHTER ) GLI ASSUME YOU'RE THE SINGER. 429 00:23:18,697 --> 00:23:20,398 YOU HAVE THE VOICE OF AN ANGEL? 430 00:23:20,465 --> 00:23:21,433 >> THANK YOU, I AM. 431 00:23:21,500 --> 00:23:23,135 >> Stephen: OKAY. 432 00:23:23,201 --> 00:23:28,240 AND ALSO HAVE BEEN WRETTING SONGS FOR PRINCESS GOES TO THE 433 00:23:28,306 --> 00:23:29,074 BUTTERFLY MUSEUM. 434 00:23:29,141 --> 00:23:30,509 HAD YOU DONE A LOT OF THAT BEFORE THIS? 435 00:23:30,575 --> 00:23:31,576 >> NO, I HADN'T. 436 00:23:31,643 --> 00:23:33,512 I HOOKED UP WITH THESE GUYS. 437 00:23:33,578 --> 00:23:37,849 THEY WERE BOTH INVOLVED IN "HEAD WIG" THE MUSICAL. 438 00:23:37,916 --> 00:23:39,951 I MET THEM THROUGH THAT. 439 00:23:40,018 --> 00:23:42,854 THEY HAD STARTED COMPOSING SOME INSTRUMENTAL TRACKS, AND I JUST 440 00:23:42,921 --> 00:23:45,724 FOR FUN OFFERED TO SING IN THE STUDIO WITHOUT ANY ASPIRATION 441 00:23:45,791 --> 00:23:47,559 THAT WE WOULD BECOME A BAND. 442 00:23:47,626 --> 00:23:49,494 BUT THEY-- I DON'T KNOW. 443 00:23:49,561 --> 00:23:52,430 WE SORT OF-- SOMETHING STARTED HAPPENING. 444 00:23:52,497 --> 00:23:55,667 WE WERE WRITING SONGS AND THEY GAVE ME PERMISSION -- 445 00:23:55,734 --> 00:23:57,302 >> Stephen: DOES IT COME EASILY? 446 00:23:57,369 --> 00:23:59,171 >> I'VE ALWAYS WRITTEN FOR MYSELF. 447 00:23:59,237 --> 00:24:01,139 >> Stephen: HIT ME WITH SOME BARS. 448 00:24:01,206 --> 00:24:01,973 WHAT YOU HAVE GOT. 449 00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:06,178 GIVE ME SOME LYRICS THAT I WOULD ENJOY. 450 00:24:06,244 --> 00:24:07,245 >> ENJOY? 451 00:24:07,312 --> 00:24:08,346 OKAY. 452 00:24:08,413 --> 00:24:11,817 IT'S ACTUALLY BASED ON AN EXPERIENCE MY WIFE AND I HAD 453 00:24:11,883 --> 00:24:15,620 DOING THERAPEUTIC KETAMINE IN A THERAPIST'S OFFICE-- TOTALLY 454 00:24:15,687 --> 00:24:16,822 LEGIT, LEGAL. 455 00:24:16,888 --> 00:24:21,827 BUT I HAD A REALLY FANTASTIC EXPERIENCE, AND HERS WERE A BIT 456 00:24:21,893 --> 00:24:24,129 DARKER AND I WAS SOMEWHAT AWARE OF THAT. 457 00:24:24,196 --> 00:24:27,532 "I WANT TO FEEL FOREVER CHANGING, BUT IT'S HARD WITH ALL 458 00:24:27,599 --> 00:24:29,668 THIS REARRANGING MEANS I MIGHT BE LOSING YOU. 459 00:24:29,734 --> 00:24:34,472 I WANT TO SOAR THROUGH CANDY CANYON, BUT IT'S HARD WHEN MY 460 00:24:34,539 --> 00:24:36,208 COMPANION'S THRASHING, KEPT FROM VIEW. 461 00:24:36,274 --> 00:24:40,178 WE'RE SIDE BY SIDE, JUST WITHIN REACH, BUT WORLD'S APART. 462 00:24:40,245 --> 00:24:42,747 I'M BUILDING CASTLES ON THE BEACH. 463 00:24:42,814 --> 00:24:46,384 YOU'RE TEARING OUT YOUR HEART, AND IF I COULD I'D CUT YOUR 464 00:24:46,451 --> 00:24:48,587 STATIC, THEN YOU'D HEAR THE SONG. 465 00:24:48,653 --> 00:24:49,688 YOU'D ROLL WITH IT. 466 00:24:49,754 --> 00:24:51,590 YOU'D COME ALONG. 467 00:24:51,656 --> 00:24:54,659 WE'D BREAK INTO THE SKY." 468 00:24:54,726 --> 00:24:58,430 ( APPLAUSE ) I SAID-- WHILE I WAS GOING 469 00:24:58,496 --> 00:25:05,237 THROUGH MY-- MY TRIP, I ACTUALLY SAID, "I FEEL FOREVER CHANGING!" 470 00:25:05,303 --> 00:25:08,506 AND I FELT HER SAY, "OH, PLEASE." 471 00:25:08,573 --> 00:25:13,011 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: OKAY, THE LAST 472 00:25:13,078 --> 00:25:16,781 TIME WE WERE TOGETHER, YOU WERE ACTUALLY PERFORMING IN 473 00:25:16,848 --> 00:25:20,285 "LAZARUS," WHICH WAS DAVID BOWIE'S MUSICAL. 474 00:25:20,352 --> 00:25:22,454 I DIDN'T GET A CHANCE TO ASK YOU THEN. 475 00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:25,390 WHAT WAS IT-- WHAT WAS IT LIKE THE FIRST TIME YOU MET BOWIE? 476 00:25:25,457 --> 00:25:26,591 >> IT WAS-- IT WAS AMAZING. 477 00:25:26,658 --> 00:25:29,060 >> Stephen: I'M NOT SURE WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE WITH MYSELF. 478 00:25:29,127 --> 00:25:35,233 >> I H HAD TO TURN PART OF MY BRAIN OFF, I THINK, TO DEAL WITH 479 00:25:35,300 --> 00:25:39,437 THE FACT THAT I WAS EYE TO EYE WITH THIS ICON, ONE OF THE GREAT 480 00:25:39,504 --> 00:25:40,839 ARTISTS OF THE LAST CENTURY. 481 00:25:40,906 --> 00:25:43,508 HE-- I KNOW HE MUST HAVE COME THROUGH THE DOOR, BUT IN MY 482 00:25:43,575 --> 00:25:45,777 MIND, HE MATERIALIZED IN THE ROOM. 483 00:25:45,844 --> 00:25:47,846 ( LAUGHTER ) IT WAS IN THE EAST VILLAGE 484 00:25:47,913 --> 00:25:49,514 APARTMENT OF OUR MUSIC DIRECTOR. 485 00:25:49,581 --> 00:25:52,384 I SAID HELLO, WE HAD A BRIEF CHAT. 486 00:25:52,450 --> 00:25:54,886 AND THE NEXT THING I KNEW, WE WERE RUNNING THROUGH ALL THE 487 00:25:54,953 --> 00:25:57,188 SONGS THAT I WAS GOING TO SING IN THE SHOW. 488 00:25:57,255 --> 00:26:00,859 AND I HAD -- >> Stephen: SO YOU CAN KEEP IT 489 00:26:00,926 --> 00:26:01,259 PROFESSIONAL? 490 00:26:01,326 --> 00:26:02,460 >> YEAH, YEAH. 491 00:26:02,527 --> 00:26:04,930 I HAD THE JOB, BUT I DIDN'T REALLY FEEL LIKE I HAD IT UNTIL 492 00:26:04,996 --> 00:26:06,464 I HAD HIS APPROVAL. 493 00:26:06,531 --> 00:26:10,635 SO HE SAT ON THE COUCH, AND THE OPENING BARS TO THE SONG "WHERE 494 00:26:10,702 --> 00:26:14,806 ARE WE NOW" STARTED AND ALL MY BUTTERFLIES TURNED TO BATS. 495 00:26:14,873 --> 00:26:17,409 I JUST BECAME SO NERVOUS. 496 00:26:17,475 --> 00:26:21,479 AND HE... AS HE WAS, SO GRACIOUSLY JUST NAMED THE 497 00:26:21,546 --> 00:26:22,314 ABSURDITY OF THE MOMENT. 498 00:26:22,380 --> 00:26:25,784 AND SAID, "YES, SING MY SONGS FOR ME." 499 00:26:25,850 --> 00:26:27,786 AND IT PUT ME AT EASY. 500 00:26:27,852 --> 00:26:29,487 AND HE WAS SO GENEROUS. 501 00:26:29,554 --> 00:26:35,627 I MEAN, ALONG WITH BEING SORT OF A... 502 00:26:35,694 --> 00:26:38,797 NEXT-LEVEL BEYOND, BEYOND SORT OF ICON, HE WAS SUCH A GENUINELY 503 00:26:38,863 --> 00:26:39,998 KIND AND ENTHUSIASTIC MAN. 504 00:26:40,065 --> 00:26:42,901 >> Stephen: SO WHEN DID IT ACTUALLY HIT YOU THAT HE WAS 505 00:26:42,968 --> 00:26:44,069 THERE? 506 00:26:44,135 --> 00:26:46,237 YOU KEPT IT TOGETHER, BUT WHEN WE LEFT, WHAT WAS THAT LIKE? 507 00:26:46,304 --> 00:26:47,772 >> I FELL TO THE FLOOR. 508 00:26:47,839 --> 00:26:49,975 >> Stephen: PHYSICALLY FELL DOWN? 509 00:26:50,041 --> 00:26:53,478 >> YEAH, I JUST ALLOWED MYSELF TO RELEASE, AND JUST SORT OF-- 510 00:26:53,545 --> 00:26:55,280 YEAH, FELL TO THE FLOOR. 511 00:26:55,347 --> 00:26:58,483 >> Stephen: WELL, SINCE THE LAST TIME YOU AND I SPOKE, 512 00:26:58,550 --> 00:26:59,617 SADLY, DAVID BOWIE DIED. 513 00:26:59,684 --> 00:27:00,685 >> THAT'S RIGHT. 514 00:27:00,752 --> 00:27:03,989 >> Stephen: NOW IT WAS DURING THE RUN OF "LAZARUS." 515 00:27:04,055 --> 00:27:07,826 HW DID THAT AFFECT Y'ALL AS A CAST AND THE PERFORMANCE? 516 00:27:07,892 --> 00:27:11,796 >> AS FATE HAD IT, IT WAS ON A MONDAY MORNING THAT WE WOKE UP 517 00:27:11,863 --> 00:27:14,265 TO THE NEWS THAT HE HAD DIED. 518 00:27:14,332 --> 00:27:17,502 AND THAT DAY WAS THE SAME DAY THAT WE WERE GOING INTO RECORD 519 00:27:17,569 --> 00:27:19,104 THE CAST ALBUM. 520 00:27:19,170 --> 00:27:24,676 SO WE WENT IN THAT DAY TO SING AND RECORD ALL THE SONGS WITH 521 00:27:24,743 --> 00:27:26,845 THE KNOWLEDGE THAT HE HAD DIED. 522 00:27:26,911 --> 00:27:28,246 AND IT WAS VERY EERIE. 523 00:27:28,313 --> 00:27:31,349 I THINK WE WERE ALSO THANKFUL, THOUGH, THAT WE WERE ABLE TO 524 00:27:31,416 --> 00:27:33,284 COME TOGETHER AND DO SOMETHING. 525 00:27:33,351 --> 00:27:36,921 BUT DOING THE SHOW AFTER THAT, IT COMPLETELY REFRAMED THE 526 00:27:36,988 --> 00:27:37,822 EXPERIENCE, YOU KNOW. 527 00:27:37,889 --> 00:27:39,324 >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK. 528 00:27:39,391 --> 00:27:40,759 BUT DON'T GO ANYWHERE. 529 00:27:40,825 --> 00:27:43,094 WHEN WE COME BACK, I WILL ASK MICHAEL ABOUT THE NEW "DEXTER: 530 00:27:43,161 --> 00:27:45,096 NEW BLOOD" ON SHOWTIME. 531 00:27:45,163 --> 00:27:45,764 STICK AROUND. 532 00:27:45,830 --> 00:27:46,731 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 533 00:27:56,074 --> 00:28:03,415 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WE ARE HERE WITH THE STAR OF 534 00:28:03,481 --> 00:28:07,786 SHOWTIME'S NEW "DEXTER: NEW BLOOD," MICHAEL C. HALL. 535 00:28:07,852 --> 00:28:11,056 THE NEW SHOW IS "DEXTER: NEW BLOOD." 536 00:28:11,122 --> 00:28:13,558 IT'S BEEN EIGHT YEARS SINCE YOU PLAYED THIS CHARACTER. 537 00:28:13,625 --> 00:28:14,759 >> YEAH. 538 00:28:14,826 --> 00:28:18,229 >> Stephen: HAVE THERE BEEN, LIKE, HAVE THERE BEEN PITCHES TO 539 00:28:18,296 --> 00:28:19,964 COME BACK TOGETHER BEFORE THIS? 540 00:28:20,031 --> 00:28:23,568 >> YEAH, THERE HAD BEEN SOME-- SOME SCRIPTS, SOME OUTLINES, 541 00:28:23,635 --> 00:28:24,369 SOME PROPOSALS. 542 00:28:24,436 --> 00:28:26,237 BUT THE TIMING NEVER FELT RIGHT. 543 00:28:26,304 --> 00:28:29,240 THE STORY NEVER FELT LIKE IT WAS ONE THAT WAS WORTH TELLING. 544 00:28:29,307 --> 00:28:30,508 >> Stephen: WHAT'S DIFFERENT ABOUT THIS? 545 00:28:30,575 --> 00:28:35,213 >> WELL, I THINK A LOT OF IT HAS TO DO WITH HOW MUCH TIME HAS 546 00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:36,448 PASSED. 547 00:28:36,514 --> 00:28:41,219 BECAUSE A LOT OF-- AS YOU SAW ON THE CLIP-- A LOT OF THE STORY 548 00:28:41,286 --> 00:28:46,024 HINGES ON DEXTER'S RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS NOW-FULL-GROWN SON, AND 549 00:28:46,091 --> 00:28:48,059 WE HAD TO WAIT FOR HIM TO GROW UP. 550 00:28:48,126 --> 00:28:50,228 >> Stephen: SOME OF THE FANS HAD SOME PROBLEMS WITH THE 551 00:28:50,295 --> 00:28:52,263 FINALE OF THE ORIGINAL RUN OF "DEXTER." 552 00:28:52,330 --> 00:28:53,431 >> YES. 553 00:28:53,498 --> 00:28:54,666 >> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW IF YOU READ ANYTHING ABOUT THAT? 554 00:28:54,732 --> 00:28:56,434 >> I HEARD ABOUT THAT. 555 00:28:56,501 --> 00:28:58,036 >> Stephen: YOU HEARD ABOUT THAT, OKAY. 556 00:28:58,103 --> 00:29:01,005 IS THIS A CHANCE FOR ANOTHER SWING-- ANOTHER SWING OF THE 557 00:29:01,072 --> 00:29:01,372 BALL HERE? 558 00:29:01,439 --> 00:29:02,540 >> FOR SURE. 559 00:29:02,607 --> 00:29:04,976 I THINK A BIG PART OF OUR MOLTIVATION WAS TO LEAVE PEOPLE 560 00:29:05,043 --> 00:29:08,246 WITH A BETTER TASTE IN THEIR MOUTH. 561 00:29:08,313 --> 00:29:13,218 I ACTUALLY WAS SUGGESTING WE CALL CAN "DEXTER: NEW TASTE." 562 00:29:13,284 --> 00:29:16,454 BUT THEY DIDN'T GOVERNOR FOR IT? 563 00:29:16,521 --> 00:29:21,459 >> YOUR FANS ARE-- "FANATICAL IS NOT THE RIGHT WORD-- BUT THEY'RE 564 00:29:21,526 --> 00:29:22,894 PASSIONATE ABOUT YOUR CHARACTER AND THE SHOW. 565 00:29:22,961 --> 00:29:27,198 I HAVE BEEN GIVE THEN PHOTO, AND BEFORE I SHOW IT TO ANYONE, I'M 566 00:29:27,265 --> 00:29:29,467 CURIOUS WHAT-- HOW THIS COMES ABOUT. 567 00:29:29,534 --> 00:29:31,970 BECAUSE THIS IS AN UNUSUAL THING FOR FANS TO WANT YOU TO 568 00:29:32,036 --> 00:29:33,071 PARTICIPATE IN. 569 00:29:33,138 --> 00:29:36,040 >> YEAH, SOMETIMES PEOPLE WILL APPROACH ME WITH SUCH AN 570 00:29:36,107 --> 00:29:37,609 IMPLEMENT THIS THEIR HANDS. 571 00:29:37,675 --> 00:29:40,445 AND ASK ME TO SIGN IT. 572 00:29:40,512 --> 00:29:41,913 AND... 573 00:29:41,980 --> 00:29:43,148 ( LAUGHTER ) AND KNOW-- 574 00:29:43,214 --> 00:29:44,516 >> Stephen: HOW DOES THAT MAKE YOU FEEL? 575 00:29:44,582 --> 00:29:50,255 >> I HAVE SOME MISGIVINGS ABOUT IT, BUT WHEN SOMEONE IS-- IS 576 00:29:50,321 --> 00:29:52,257 PRESENTING A KNIFE -- >> Stephen: SO THEY WALK 577 00:29:52,323 --> 00:29:53,858 TOWARDS YOU WITH A KNIFE OUT. 578 00:29:53,925 --> 00:29:57,162 >> "WILL YOU SIGN THIS?" YOU DON'T WANT TO SAY NO TO SUCH 579 00:29:57,228 --> 00:29:57,662 A PERSON. 580 00:29:57,729 --> 00:29:58,897 YOU WANT TO SAY YES. 581 00:29:58,963 --> 00:30:03,935 I MEAN, I JUST KEEP MY FINGERS CROSSED AND HOPE IT'S NEVER USED 582 00:30:04,002 --> 00:30:05,103 FOR NEFARIOUS PURPOSE. 583 00:30:05,170 --> 00:30:07,238 >> Stephen: RIGHT, BECAUSE YOUR D.N.A. IS ON THAT HANDLE AT 584 00:30:07,305 --> 00:30:07,639 SOME POINT. 585 00:30:07,705 --> 00:30:08,673 >> YES. 586 00:30:08,740 --> 00:30:09,474 >> Stephen: YOU'RE IN BIG TROUBLE MICHAEL C. HALL. 587 00:30:09,541 --> 00:30:11,442 >> DON'T, DON'T, DON'T SIGN A KNIFE. 588 00:30:11,509 --> 00:30:12,644 >> Stephen: LOVELY TO SEE YOU AGAIN. 589 00:30:12,710 --> 00:30:14,812 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE. 590 00:30:14,879 --> 00:30:18,082 "DEXTER: NEW BLOOD" PREMIERES THIS SUNDAY ON SHOWTIME. 591 00:30:18,149 --> 00:30:20,485 MICHAEL C. HALL EVERYBODY. 592 00:30:20,552 --> 00:30:23,555 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MICHAEL ERIC DYSON. 593 00:30:23,621 --> 00:30:26,024 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 594 00:30:49,447 --> 00:30:51,316 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 595 00:30:51,382 --> 00:30:55,253 WELCOME BACK. 596 00:30:55,320 --> 00:30:59,057 FOLKS, MY NEXT GUEST IS A PROFESSOR OF AFRICAN AMERICAN 597 00:30:59,123 --> 00:31:03,261 STUDIES AT VANDERBILT UNIVERSITY AND THE AUTHOR OF THE NEW BOOK, 598 00:31:03,328 --> 00:31:05,063 "ENTERTAINING RACE: PERFORMING BLACKNESS IN AMERICA." 599 00:31:05,129 --> 00:31:08,132 PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," MICHAEL ERIC DYSON. 600 00:31:08,199 --> 00:31:22,113 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 601 00:31:22,180 --> 00:31:25,216 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: THERE YOU GO! 602 00:31:25,283 --> 00:31:27,118 ALWAYS NICE. 603 00:31:27,185 --> 00:31:27,952 >> JON BATISTE. 604 00:31:28,019 --> 00:31:29,654 >> Stephen: ALWAYS NICE TO HAVE YOU ON. 605 00:31:29,721 --> 00:31:31,923 >> THAT BUBBLE GUM IS LOOKING HOT OVER THERE. 606 00:31:31,990 --> 00:31:33,258 >> Stephen: ISN'T THAT GOOD? 607 00:31:33,324 --> 00:31:34,158 ISN'T THAT GOOD? 608 00:31:34,225 --> 00:31:34,626 NOW, SIR. 609 00:31:34,692 --> 00:31:35,226 >> YES, SIR. 610 00:31:35,293 --> 00:31:35,927 >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK. 611 00:31:35,994 --> 00:31:37,328 >> THANK YOU, MY MAN. 612 00:31:37,395 --> 00:31:41,032 >> Stephen: THE BOOK IS "ENTERTAINING RACE: PERFORMING 613 00:31:41,099 --> 00:31:41,866 BLACKNESS IN AMERICA." 614 00:31:41,933 --> 00:31:44,202 >> RIGHT. 615 00:31:44,269 --> 00:31:45,503 >> Stephen: CONGRATULATIONS ON IT. 616 00:31:45,570 --> 00:31:46,838 >> THANK YOU, MY FRIEND. 617 00:31:46,904 --> 00:31:48,906 >> Stephen: YOU SAY-- ( APPLAUSE ). 618 00:31:48,973 --> 00:31:49,474 >> THANK YOU. 619 00:31:49,540 --> 00:31:50,308 >> Stephen: IT'S HEFTY. 620 00:31:50,375 --> 00:31:50,942 IT'S HEFTY. 621 00:31:51,009 --> 00:31:52,043 IT'S A BIG SUBJECT. 622 00:31:52,110 --> 00:31:53,511 >> EXACTLY. 623 00:31:53,578 --> 00:31:57,448 >> Stephen: YOU SAY THAT ENTERTAINING RACE IS A TRIPLE 624 00:31:57,515 --> 00:31:57,782 ENTENDRE. 625 00:31:57,849 --> 00:31:58,516 >> RIGHT. 626 00:31:58,583 --> 00:32:00,318 >> Stephen: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? 627 00:32:00,385 --> 00:32:04,122 >> FIRST OF ALL, IT MEANS BLACK PEOPLE HAVE BEEN FORCED TO 628 00:32:04,188 --> 00:32:11,262 ENTERTAIN FOR THE DOMINANT SOCIETY FROM THE TIME OF. 629 00:32:11,329 --> 00:32:14,365 AT THE BEHEST OF SLAVE OWNERS. 630 00:32:14,432 --> 00:32:16,968 SECOND, PEOPLE HAVE HAD TO ENTERTAIN THE IDEA OF RACE, TALK 631 00:32:17,035 --> 00:32:20,204 ABOUT IT, SELLING WATER ON THE STREET OR LEMONADE OR BARB COUG 632 00:32:20,271 --> 00:32:22,874 IN THE PARK AND BEING FORCED TO BE ACCOUNTABLE FOR THEIR 633 00:32:22,940 --> 00:32:26,811 PRESENCE IN A WAY THAT IS UNRULY AND, YET, DEMANDED. 634 00:32:26,878 --> 00:32:29,681 SO WE'VE HAD TO ENTERTAIN THE IDEAL OF RACE CONSTANTLY, EVEN 635 00:32:29,747 --> 00:32:30,982 WHEN WE DIDN'T WANT TO. 636 00:32:31,049 --> 00:32:33,785 AND THIRDLY, WE'VE HAD TO BE ENTERTAINING ABOUT HOW WE TALK 637 00:32:33,851 --> 00:32:34,986 ABOUT RACE. 638 00:32:35,053 --> 00:32:36,654 THERE'S A GREAT SUBJECT. 639 00:32:36,721 --> 00:32:37,855 IT'S VERY COMPLICATED. 640 00:32:37,922 --> 00:32:40,992 IT'S GOT A LOT OF NUANCE, AND IT'S GOT A LOT OF CONTROVERSY. 641 00:32:41,059 --> 00:32:47,532 SO WE HAVE TO FIND WAYS TO GET BEYOND IT, THROUGH HUMOR, 642 00:32:47,598 --> 00:32:50,101 THROUGH SELF-DEPRECATION, EXPLORATION TO GET TO THE ISSUES 643 00:32:50,168 --> 00:32:51,169 THAT ARE THERE. 644 00:32:51,235 --> 00:32:55,039 >> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU MEAN "PERFORMING BLACKNESS?" 645 00:32:55,106 --> 00:32:56,374 HOW IS BLACKNESS PERFORMED? 646 00:32:56,441 --> 00:32:58,076 >> IN MANY WAYS. 647 00:32:58,142 --> 00:33:01,012 YOU HAVE ONE OF THE GREAT PERFORMERS OVER HERE, JON 648 00:33:01,079 --> 00:33:01,746 BATISTE. 649 00:33:01,813 --> 00:33:02,413 >> Stephen: AND THE WHOLE BAND. 650 00:33:02,480 --> 00:33:03,548 >> AND THE ENTIRE BAND. 651 00:33:03,614 --> 00:33:06,984 AND THE THING IS THAT PERFORMING BLACKNESS IS BOTH ABOUT 652 00:33:07,051 --> 00:33:08,886 PROFESSIONAL ENTERTAINMENT, ABOUT SINGING AND DANCE, BUT 653 00:33:08,953 --> 00:33:11,622 IT'S ALSO ABOUT THINKING AND ENGAGING IN A SOCIETY THAT 654 00:33:11,689 --> 00:33:14,625 DOESN'T SEE YOU AS NECESSARILY EQUAL. 655 00:33:14,692 --> 00:33:18,029 WHEN YOU GO TO WORK EVERY DAY, YOU HAVE TO PERFORM A SORT OF, 656 00:33:18,096 --> 00:33:19,230 KIND OF BLACKNESS. 657 00:33:19,297 --> 00:33:20,898 IN SPACES THAT ARE FOREIGN TO YOU AS A BLACK PERSON, HOW DO 658 00:33:20,965 --> 00:33:22,800 YOU MAKE PEOPLE FEEL COMFORTABLE? 659 00:33:22,867 --> 00:33:23,935 HOW DO YOU GET COMFORTABLE? 660 00:33:24,001 --> 00:33:26,037 HOW DO YOU ADJUST YOURSELF TO THEM? 661 00:33:26,104 --> 00:33:30,174 AND HOW DO YOU BRING THE TO TALGT OF WHYURE BEING INTO THAT 662 00:33:30,241 --> 00:33:33,444 EXPERIENCE WITHOUT EITHER SAVAGING YOUR ANCESTRY, BUT ALSO 663 00:33:33,511 --> 00:33:35,179 HONORING THE TRADITIONS TO WHICH YOU SPEAK? 664 00:33:35,246 --> 00:33:39,317 >> Stephen: YOU PUT YOURSELF ON THE COVER THERE I NOTICED 665 00:33:39,384 --> 00:33:42,353 ( LAUGHS ) >> YOU WEREN'T AVAILABLE, SO I 666 00:33:42,420 --> 00:33:45,056 HAD TO DO MYSELF, YOU KNOW. 667 00:33:45,123 --> 00:33:46,023 >> Stephen: "ENTERTAINING RACE." 668 00:33:46,090 --> 00:33:47,358 AND YOU'RE ON THE COVER. 669 00:33:47,425 --> 00:33:53,498 DO YOU SEE YOURSELF AS-- WELL, FIRST OF ALL, HOW DO YOU DEFINED 670 00:33:53,564 --> 00:33:55,600 "ENTERTAINER" AND ARE YOU AN ENTERTAINER IN A SENSE? 671 00:33:55,666 --> 00:33:57,135 I KNOW YOU'RE AN ACADEMIC. 672 00:33:57,201 --> 00:33:58,803 I KNOW YOU'RE A SCHOLAR. 673 00:33:58,870 --> 00:34:02,206 YOU'RE A PUBLIC PHILOSOPHER IN A WAY. 674 00:34:02,273 --> 00:34:03,574 IS THAT ALSO A FORM OF ENTERTAINMENT. 675 00:34:03,641 --> 00:34:04,742 >> ABSOLUTELY. 676 00:34:04,809 --> 00:34:11,983 WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT THE WORD "ENTERTAINMENT," ENTER, AND 677 00:34:12,049 --> 00:34:14,485 TAINER," TO HOLD TOGETHER, INTERTWINE -- 678 00:34:14,552 --> 00:34:17,455 >> Stephen: WAS WHAT THE ROOT OF IT, BRINGING PEOPLE TOGETHER? 679 00:34:17,522 --> 00:34:22,427 >> YES AND TO ENGAGE IN A DIALOGUE OR THINKING OF A 680 00:34:22,493 --> 00:34:23,528 PARTICULAR SUBJECT. 681 00:34:23,594 --> 00:34:25,463 THE YES, AS A SCHOLAR, MY STUDENTS CAN'T FALL ASLEEP. 682 00:34:25,530 --> 00:34:28,533 I HAVE TO GO IN THERE AND SAY SOMETHING THAT'S INTERESTING AND 683 00:34:28,599 --> 00:34:29,734 ENGAGING. 684 00:34:29,801 --> 00:34:35,940 I CAN SAY WE TALKED ABOUT THE INSURRECTION OF SUBJUGATED..." 685 00:34:36,007 --> 00:34:37,175 THAT'S GOLD. 686 00:34:37,241 --> 00:34:44,549 BUT IF J.B.A. Z.SAY I REMEMBER VIVIDLY WHAT THESE TREES DID TO 687 00:34:44,615 --> 00:34:45,783 ME,. 688 00:34:45,850 --> 00:34:47,718 >> Stephen: IN YOUR NEW BOOK-- AND THIS IS WHERE IT'S GOING TO 689 00:34:47,785 --> 00:34:48,319 GET CONTROVERSIAL FOR US. 690 00:34:48,386 --> 00:34:49,420 >> OKAY. 691 00:34:49,487 --> 00:34:54,892 >> Stephen: IN YOUR NEW BOOK YOU SAID, "BEYONCE IS THE 692 00:34:54,959 --> 00:34:56,828 GREATEST ENTERTAINER THIS GLOBE HAS EVER SEEN." 693 00:34:56,894 --> 00:35:00,765 I WILL-- I WILL-- WHY BEYONCE, AND THEN MY RESPONSE. 694 00:35:00,832 --> 00:35:03,367 >> WELL, I MEAN, THINK ABOUT IT. 695 00:35:03,434 --> 00:35:04,802 BEYONCE IS AN INCREDIBLE SINGER. 696 00:35:04,869 --> 00:35:07,138 SHE'S AN INCREDIBLE PERFORMER. 697 00:35:07,205 --> 00:35:13,110 SHE CHANNELS EFFORTLESSLY THE ANCESTRAL GRACE THAT HAS CLAIMED 698 00:35:13,177 --> 00:35:14,312 HER BODY. 699 00:35:14,378 --> 00:35:17,048 THE MAGIC OF BLACKNESS THAT SHE IS CONSTANTLY PUTTING FORTH. 700 00:35:17,114 --> 00:35:17,982 THE PIPES ARE INCREDIBLE. 701 00:35:18,049 --> 00:35:19,417 THE DANCING ON STAGE. 702 00:35:19,484 --> 00:35:24,322 LOOK, I SAW MICHAEL JACKSON AT HIS HEIGHT, AN EXTRAORDINARY 703 00:35:24,388 --> 00:35:25,556 PERFORMER. 704 00:35:25,623 --> 00:35:27,959 MICHAEL WOULD DO HIS THING, YOU KNOW, AND HE WOULD AFTER TWO, 705 00:35:28,025 --> 00:35:30,328 THREE SONGS, GO BACK, COME BACK. 706 00:35:30,394 --> 00:35:32,230 SHE'S PERFORMING TWO HOURS NONSTOP. 707 00:35:32,296 --> 00:35:33,197 SHE CAN SING. 708 00:35:33,264 --> 00:35:34,499 SHE CAN DANCE. 709 00:35:34,565 --> 00:35:38,002 MICHAEL'S VOCAL HEIGHT WAS FROM, SAY, 10 TO ABOUT 21. 710 00:35:38,069 --> 00:35:41,405 BEYONCE'S IS NOW STRONG AT 40 AS IT EVER HAS BEEN AT 20. 711 00:35:41,472 --> 00:35:46,744 SO WHEN I THINK ABOUT THE WAYS IN WHICH SHE CHANNELS BLACK 712 00:35:46,811 --> 00:35:49,647 IDEAS, WHEN SHE CHANNELS AMERICAN IDEAS, WHEN SHE 713 00:35:49,714 --> 00:35:52,917 CHANNELS WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A HUMAN BEING IN CONTEXT OF 714 00:35:52,984 --> 00:35:56,320 HARMONY AND MELODY, GIRL GROUPS-- CHANNELING ALL OF THAT 715 00:35:56,387 --> 00:36:01,259 BEAUTY AND POWER IN ONE BODY, AND THEN MAKING US BE RIVETTED 716 00:36:01,325 --> 00:36:07,798 BY HER PERFORMANCE, I THINK SHE DOES SHE IS AN EXTRAORDINARY 717 00:36:07,865 --> 00:36:08,299 PERSON. 718 00:36:08,366 --> 00:36:09,100 ( APPLAUSE ). 719 00:36:09,166 --> 00:36:10,434 >> Stephen: I'M NOT GOING FIGHT YOU. 720 00:36:10,501 --> 00:36:12,003 I'M NOT GOING TO FIGHT YOU. 721 00:36:12,069 --> 00:36:14,305 THERE IS NO GREATER FAN OF BEYONCE THAN YOURS TRULY. 722 00:36:14,372 --> 00:36:17,775 SHE'S A DEAR FRIEND AND I HOPE TO MEET HER SOME DAY. 723 00:36:17,842 --> 00:36:18,910 PLEASE COME ON THE SHOW. 724 00:36:18,976 --> 00:36:20,144 PLEASE, COME ON THE SHOW. 725 00:36:20,211 --> 00:36:23,047 JON, YOU GUYS IN THE BAND, DO YOU HAVE ANY OPINION WHO THE IS 726 00:36:23,114 --> 00:36:25,049 GREATEST ENTERTAINER OF ALL TIME OVER THERE? 727 00:36:25,116 --> 00:36:26,350 >> Jon: YEAH, YEAH. 728 00:36:26,417 --> 00:36:29,420 >> I'M GOING TO GO FOR PRINCE MYSELF. 729 00:36:29,487 --> 00:36:30,021 ( APPLAUSE ). 730 00:36:30,087 --> 00:36:31,455 >> Stephen: OH, ALL RIGHT. 731 00:36:31,522 --> 00:36:31,956 DEFEND YOURSELF. 732 00:36:32,023 --> 00:36:32,790 DEFEND YOURSELF. 733 00:36:32,857 --> 00:36:34,892 >> PRINCE WAS AN EXTRAORDINARY ARTIST. 734 00:36:34,959 --> 00:36:36,294 I WAS ON STAGE WITH PRINCE ONCE. 735 00:36:36,360 --> 00:36:40,498 HE SAID, "I KNOW MR. DYSON CAN TALK, BUT CAN HE DANCE?" 736 00:36:40,565 --> 00:36:43,067 I SAID, "SIR, YOU'RE TALKING TO ME?" 737 00:36:43,134 --> 00:36:47,338 I GOT ON STAGE AND DANCED, ALONG WITH CEDRIC THE ENTERTAINER. 738 00:36:47,405 --> 00:36:48,639 I LOVE PRINCE. 739 00:36:48,706 --> 00:36:53,411 BUT WHEN YOU PUT IT ALL TOGETHER, SINCING, DANCING, 740 00:36:53,477 --> 00:36:58,416 COMPOSING, EMBODYING LYRICS, BEYONCE IS UNCHALLENGED. 741 00:36:58,482 --> 00:36:59,750 >> I SAY JAMES BROWN. 742 00:36:59,817 --> 00:37:02,720 >> LOOK, JAMES BROWN WAS AMAZING. 743 00:37:02,787 --> 00:37:04,589 THE FLUIDITY OF HIS MOVEMENT. 744 00:37:04,655 --> 00:37:08,426 WAIT IN WHICH HE WAS ABLE TO EMBODY, THE BLACK ESTHETIC. 745 00:37:08,492 --> 00:37:11,762 THE DRUM BECAME CENTRAL, THE PERCUSSIVE ELEMENT. 746 00:37:11,829 --> 00:37:13,831 HE WAS AMAZING. 747 00:37:13,898 --> 00:37:17,435 BUT, AGAIN, WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT THE ABILITY TO SUSTAIN -- 748 00:37:17,501 --> 00:37:19,971 >> Stephen: GOT YOU, GOT YOU, GOT YOU. 749 00:37:20,037 --> 00:37:23,140 ANYBODY ELSE? 750 00:37:23,207 --> 00:37:24,141 LAMPLEY. 751 00:37:24,208 --> 00:37:30,047 >> I LIKE LOUIS ARMSTRONG ♪ I SEE GREEN TREE ♪ 752 00:37:30,114 --> 00:37:32,183 LOOK, LOUIE ARMSTRONG WAS AMAZING. 753 00:37:32,250 --> 00:37:33,985 >> Stephen: TRANSFORMATIONAL. 754 00:37:34,051 --> 00:37:34,819 >> TRANSFORMATIONAL. 755 00:37:34,885 --> 00:37:37,688 CHOSE, WHAT, JULY 4, 1900 TO BE BORN. 756 00:37:37,755 --> 00:37:41,826 HE WASN'T REALLY BORN THAT DAY, BUT HE CHOSE THAT DAY BECAUSE 757 00:37:41,892 --> 00:37:44,695 AMERICAN DEMOCRACY WAS BLOWN THROUGH HIS TRUMPET. 758 00:37:44,762 --> 00:37:49,734 HE WAS A MAN OF EPIC CREATIVITY WHO WAS ABLE TO ARTICULATE THE 759 00:37:49,800 --> 00:37:52,003 BLUES SENSIBILITY OF BLACK PEOPLE. 760 00:37:52,069 --> 00:37:54,005 BUT BEYONCE... 761 00:37:54,071 --> 00:37:54,572 ( LAUGHTER ). 762 00:37:54,639 --> 00:37:55,006 >> Stephen: WE'RE GOOD. 763 00:37:55,072 --> 00:37:55,906 WE'RE GOOD. 764 00:37:55,973 --> 00:37:59,343 LOOK, I'M NOT GOING TO-- INDIA YOU GOT ONE. 765 00:37:59,410 --> 00:38:00,678 >> DUKE ELLINGTON. 766 00:38:00,745 --> 00:38:03,147 >> I MEAN, DUKE, WITH THAT... 767 00:38:03,214 --> 00:38:07,051 ( LAUGHTER ) WITH THAT PIANO BEFORE HIM. 768 00:38:07,118 --> 00:38:08,152 TAKING "A" TRAIN. 769 00:38:08,219 --> 00:38:11,188 HE WAS ABLE TO COMPOSE THE INCREDIBLE VITALITY OF BLACK 770 00:38:11,255 --> 00:38:12,256 ART. 771 00:38:12,323 --> 00:38:14,291 HE WAS ABLE TO PULL IN JOHNNY HODGES OPT SAXOPHONE. 772 00:38:14,358 --> 00:38:18,729 HE WAS ABLE TO GIVE A VOICE TO MANY SINGERS, INCLUDING SARAH 773 00:38:18,796 --> 00:38:19,130 VAUGHN. 774 00:38:19,196 --> 00:38:20,731 BUT, BEYONCE. 775 00:38:20,798 --> 00:38:24,502 >> Stephen: NOW, LISTEN, I ONLY GOT TWO RESPONSES, I ONLY 776 00:38:24,568 --> 00:38:26,070 GOT TWO RESPONSES TO THIS. 777 00:38:26,137 --> 00:38:30,908 AND, AGAIN, BEYONCE, SHE'S MY SOUL CYCLE EMERGENCY CONTACT. 778 00:38:30,975 --> 00:38:32,076 WE'RE SUPER TIGHT. 779 00:38:32,143 --> 00:38:36,814 DOES THE WORD-- DO THE WORDS "SAMMY DAVIS JR." MEAN NOTHING 780 00:38:36,881 --> 00:38:38,015 IN THIS TOWN ANYMORE? 781 00:38:38,082 --> 00:38:45,056 >> I MEAN, SAMMY DAVIS JR. WAS A GENIUS SINCE FIVE YEARS OLD. 782 00:38:45,122 --> 00:38:47,091 >> Stephen: SING, DANCE, ACT. 783 00:38:47,158 --> 00:38:47,758 >> EVERYTHING. 784 00:38:47,825 --> 00:38:50,528 HE WAS CAPABLE OF DOING THAT. 785 00:38:50,594 --> 00:38:54,899 BUT WHEN I PUT BEYONCE NEXT TO SEAM DAVIS I THINK SHE'S CAPABLE 786 00:38:54,965 --> 00:38:57,401 -- >> Stephen: DIANA ROSS, DIANA 787 00:38:57,468 --> 00:38:58,469 ROSS. 788 00:38:58,536 --> 00:38:59,770 IS THERE ANYONE TODAY WITH THE IMPACT OF DIANA ROSS? 789 00:38:59,837 --> 00:39:05,676 COME ON, MY FRIEND, DIANA ROSS-- BEYONCE WAS FANTASTIC IN "DREAM 790 00:39:05,743 --> 00:39:06,343 GIRLS." 791 00:39:06,410 --> 00:39:07,111 WHAT A WONDERFUL PERFORMANCE. 792 00:39:07,178 --> 00:39:09,580 YOU KNOW WHO SHE'S TRYING TO PLAY? 793 00:39:09,647 --> 00:39:10,648 DIANA ROSS! 794 00:39:10,715 --> 00:39:15,953 >> WAIT, I HAVE NO DOUBT DIANA ROSS-- DIANA ROSS, A-- 795 00:39:16,020 --> 00:39:21,826 ( LAUGHTER ) DIANA ROSS AT 75, EXTRAORDINARY, 796 00:39:21,892 --> 00:39:24,662 EXQUISITE, FUSING WITH BARRY GORDIE'S MOTOWN. 797 00:39:24,729 --> 00:39:29,767 I AM FROM DETROIT, MOTOWN FOUNDED IN 1959, DIANA ROSS 798 00:39:29,834 --> 00:39:34,805 CLAIMING THE SWEET NUBILE TENDENCY OF BLACK FEMINIST AND 799 00:39:34,872 --> 00:39:40,978 ARTICULATING THEM IN A POSTMODERN SPACE, BUT BEYONCE. 800 00:39:41,045 --> 00:39:42,546 IS ABLE -- >> Stephen: JON, DO YOU HAVE 801 00:39:42,613 --> 00:39:43,514 ANYTHING TO ADD? 802 00:39:43,581 --> 00:39:45,883 >> LET'S LEAVE IT WITH JON. 803 00:39:45,950 --> 00:39:47,051 JON WHAT DO YOU HAVE? 804 00:39:47,118 --> 00:39:49,620 >> BEYONCE, THE COCHELLA PERFORMANCE. 805 00:39:49,687 --> 00:39:52,857 SHE IS ONE OF MY HEROES. 806 00:39:52,923 --> 00:39:54,759 AND ERAS ARE LIKE BASKETBALL. 807 00:39:54,825 --> 00:39:58,329 THERE ARE GREATS IN EACH ERA, BUT IN THE NEXT 20 YEARS, I'M 808 00:39:58,395 --> 00:39:59,764 COMING FOR ALL OF THEM. 809 00:39:59,830 --> 00:40:05,770 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). 810 00:40:05,836 --> 00:40:13,511 ( LAUGHING ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 811 00:40:13,577 --> 00:40:15,045 >> STEPHEN: "ENTERTAINING RACE" IS ON SALE NOW. 812 00:40:15,112 --> 00:40:17,248 MICHAEL ERIC DYSON, EVERYBODY WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 813 00:40:17,314 --> 00:40:19,016 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 814 00:40:28,225 --> 00:40:29,827 THAT'S IT FOR THE LATE SHOW." 815 00:40:29,894 --> 00:40:32,897 TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUEST WILL BE ANDY COHEN. 816 00:40:32,963 --> 00:40:34,665 JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT. 817 00:40:34,732 --> 00:40:35,232 GOOD NIGHT.