>> HE ONCE APOLOGIZED FOR SAYING THE EARTH WAS FLAT.
NOW N.B.A. STAR KYRIE IRVING IS SAYING GOOD-BYE TO ABOUT HALF OF
HIS $35 MILLION SALARY AND A SHOT AT A CHAMPIONSHIP BECAUSE
HE REFUSES TO GET VACCINATED.
>> NBA2K22 HAS ARRIVED.
IN THIS SEASON, WE'RE UNVEILING A BRAND-NEW STORYLINE:
INTRODUCING "UNVACCINATED MODE."
FORGO YOUR DREAM CAREER AND STAY HOME ALL DAY DRINKING WINE.
SEE HOW MANY CONSECUTIVE HOURS YOUR PLAYER CAN BINGE ON NETFLIX
BEFORE BEING ASKED, "ARE YOU STILL WATCHING?"
STAY ALERT: EVERY SO OFTEN YOU'LL HAVE TO CLICK THE "SKIP
INTRO" BUTTON.
MISS YOUR CHANCE, AND YOU'LL HAVE TO WATCH THAT SAME OPENING
SEQUENCE ALL OVER AGAIN.
AND JUST LIKE NORMAL GAME PLAY MODE, YOU CAN PRACTICE YOUR AIM
SEVERAL TIMES A DAY DURING BATHROOM BREAK MINI-GAME,
AND THEN WHEN IT FEELS LIKE THE WALLS ARE CLOSING IN, SIT ON THE
COUCH AND WATCH YOUR TEAM WIN WITHOUT YOU.
THEN MORE WINE, AND A SOLITARY SWIM IN A NEIGHBOR'S POOL,
CONTEMPLATING YOUR LIFE CHOICES.
FROM HERE, THE EARTH DOES LOOK PRETTY FLAT.
IT'S ALL PART OF THE NBA2K22.
RATED "M" FOR MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST GOTTEN VACCINATED.
>> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
TONIGHT: PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES:
KATIE COURICE AND MUSICAL GUEST GABBY BARRETT
FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN.
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK
CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: OH, WOW!
WOW!
NOW WE'RE READY TO DO THE SHOW NOW THAT YOU'RE HERE!
I LOVE IT!
( APPLAUSE ).
♪ ♪ ♪ SIDEWAYS CORDUROY.
HEY!
NICE TO SEE YOU.
WHAT'S UP, JOHN?
WHAT'S UP, LEWIS?
WHAT'S UP JOSEPH?
GOOD TO SEE YOU.
THERE YOU GO.
WELCOME, EVERYBODY!
THANK YOU, EVERYBODY.
PLEASE, HAVE A SEAT.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW."
IN HERE, OUT THERE, EVERYBODY PLAYING HOOKY, I'M YOUR HOST...
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
OH, NO!
NOW YOU'RE ON CAMERA.
HMMM.
I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
IT'S A RAINY DAY HERE IN NEW YORK.
BEFORE THE STORM, THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE URGED NEW
YORKERS TO "TAKE IT SLOW" TODAY IF TRAVELING.
NOW, IF YOU WANT TO TAKE IT SLOW, JUST WALK BEHIND ANY
TOURIST IN MIDTOWN: "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT UP THERE?
IT'S A BUILDING.
THEY DON'T HAVE BRICKS WHERE YOU'RE FROM?"
( LAUGHTER ) POF COURSE, WE'RE NOT THE ONLY
PLACE WITH WEATHER.
FROM AN ATMOSPHERIC RIVER TO TORNADOES TO TODAY'S RAIN,
EXTREME WEATHER HAS STRUCK COAST TO COAST.
SCIENTISTS AGREE THAT ALL THESE EXTREME WEATHER EVENTS ARE TIED
TO GLOBAL WARMING, WHICH IS HAPPENING WHETHER YOU BELIEVE IT
OR NOT.
AND FOR THE RECORD, MANY AMERICANS CHOOSE NOT,
BECAUSE A NEW POLL SAYS 45% OF AMERICANS DON'T BELIEVE HUMANS
CAUSE CLIMATE CHANGE.
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU BELIEVE, IT'S TRUE.
THAT'S LIKE NOT BELIEVING THAT HUMANS CAUSE PANTS-POOPING:
"IT'S JUST PART THE NATURAL CYCLE OF MY KHAKIS.
( LAUGHTER ) I'M GONNA LEAVE 'EM FOR MY
GRANDKIDS TO DEAL WITH."
SO THE PLANET IS IN TROUBLE BUT, LUCKILY, THIS WEEKEND, WORLD
LEADERS ARE GATHERING YET AGAIN TO WEAR LANYARDS ABOUT IT AT
COP26, THE 26th UNITED NATIONS CLIMB CHANGE CONFERENCE.
26th?!
HOLY CRAP.
THIS CRISIS IS SO OLD.
IT COULD RENT A CAR.
BUT IT SHOULDN'T!
RIDE A BIKE, CLIMATE CHANGE!
NOW, THE CONFERENCE STARTS ON OCTOBER 31.
YES, IT'S...
A CLIMATE CHANGE SPOOKTACULAR!
( THUNDER CLAP ) >> AH-HA-HA!
>> Stephen: THOSE WEREN'T SPECIAL EFFECTS!
THAT WAS A STORM CAUSED BY IRREVERSIBLE CHANGES TO THE
JET-SCREAAAM!
HA-HA-HA-HA.
PRESIDENT BIDEN AND OTHER WORLD LEADERS WILL MEET TO ADDRESS THE
ONGOING CLIMATE CRISIS IN GLASGOW, SCOTLAND.
THEY'RE MEETING IN SCOTLAND?
EVEN IF THEY DO SOLVE CLIMATE CHANGE, WE'LL NEVER KNOW.
( THICK SCOTTISH ACCENT ) "CHEERS, LADDIES.
AFTER HOURS OF HAVERIN', WE DU WELL AGREED TO REDUCE
METHANE EMISSIONS CAUSED BY FARTIN' COOS BY 2047.
GO AWAY NOW."
CLOSE, CLOSE, SOMETHING LIKE THAT, SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
BECAUSE COP26 IS TAKING PLACE IN THE U.K., WE'VE GOTTEN A PREVIEW
OF WHAT TO EXPECT FROM BRITISH PRIME MINISTER AND CARTOO
( LAUGHTER ) AND HAPPY DUCKLING, BORIS
JOHNSON.
JOHNSON DOESN'T SEEM TOO OPTIMISTIC ABOUT WHAT WORLD
LEADERS CAN ACHIEVE AT COP26, AS HE TOLD A GROUP OF CHILDREN:
>> IT'S GONNA BE VERY, VERY TOUGH, THIS SUMMIT.
AND I'M VERY WORRIED, BECAUSE IT MIGHT GO-- IT MIGHT GO WRONG.
>> Stephen: THERE'S THAT CAN-DO BRITISH SPIRIT.
( LAUGHTER ) REMINDS ME OF THOSE POSTERS
DURING WORLD WAR II: "KEEP CALM, HITLER MIGHT WIN."
( LAUGHTER ) THIS CONFERENCE COULD BE ONE OF
OUR LAST CHANCES TO MAKE BOLD COLLECTIVE ACTION TO AVERT
CLIMATE ACTION.
IT'S NOT GOING WELL.
THE LEADERS OF CHINA AND RUSSIA SAID THEY WON'T BE AT THE
SUMMIT, EVEN THOUGH CHINA AND RUSSIA PRODUCE SOME 32% OF
GLOBAL CO2 EMISSIONS.
THE BIG POLLUTERS AREN'T EVEN THERE?
THIS IS AN ALL-OR-NOTHING SITUATION.
ARBY'S MOTTO ISN'T WE HAVE "SOME" MEAT.
THERE'S ANOTHER STORM SOAKING AMERICA: IT'S CALLED INFLATION.
RIGHT NOW, SHOPPERS ARE FACING FASTER INCREASES IN PRICES FOR
CONSUMER GOODS THAN AT ANY POINT THIS CENTURY, INCLUDING GAS,
WHICH HAS JUMPED $1.22 OVER THE LAST YEAR.
TERRIBLE NEWS, BUT YOU KNOW WHO WON'T BE REPORTING IT?
THE PROPAGANDISTS OVER AT GAS GAS PUMP TV.
THEIR BIGGEST STORY IS BUY ONE, GET ONE COKE ZERO AT THE B.P.
CONVENIENCE.
HIGH PRICES ARE ALSO HITTING FOOD, THE GAS OF THE MOUTH
( LAUGHTER ) ACCORDING TO ECONOMISTS,
BREAKFAST IS ABOUT TO GET A WHOLE LOT MORE EXPENSIVE.
OATS ARE UP MORE THAN 80%, AND THE PRICE OF SUGAR AND LEAN HOGS
ARE UP.
WHICH MEANS RECORD PRICES FOR AMERICA'S FAVORITE CEREAL:
CINNAMON TOAST HAM.
( LAUGHTER ) AND-- I COULD GO FOR SOME OF
THAT, THAT SOUNDS...
AND THANKS TO INFLATION, THANKSGIVING 2021 COULD BE THE
MOST EXPENSIVE MEAL IN THE HISTORY OF THE HOLIDAY.
AND THAT'S SAYING SOMETHING.
THE FIRST THANKSGIVING COST NATIVE AMERICANS AN ENTIRE
COTINENT.
( LAUGHTER ) NOW NO PART OF THANKSGIVING
TABLE-- TOO SOON?
TOO SOON?
<!0> NO PART OF THE THANKSGIVING
TABLE IS SAFE.
HIGH PRICES ARE HITTING SWEET POTATOES, PIE, DINNER ROLLS, AND
EVEN THE DISPOSABLE ALUMINUM TURKEY ROASTING PAN.
NOT THE ALUMINUM ROASTING PAN!
THAT'S THE MOISTEST PART OF THE TURKEY!
( LAUGHTER ) EVEN CANNED CRANBERRY SAUCE WILL
COST MORE, IN PART BECAUSE CHINA IS LIMITING STEEL PRODUCTION TO
REDUCE CARBON EMISSIONS.
WHAT?
YOU LIED TO US, GRETA THUNBERG!
YOU TOLD US FIGHTING CLIMATE CHANGE BUT NEVER TOLD US THE
COST-- A WORLD WITHOUT CAN-SHAPED TOWERS OF GELATINOUS
RED SUGAR PLASMA.
AT LEAST WE CAN GET STUFF IN THE UNITED STATES.
UNLIKE THE U.K., WHICH IS CURRENTLY FACING CRIPPLING
SHORTAGES.
I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT IN TONIGHT'S "CARGO UNCHAINED:
BRITISH EDITION."
♪ ♪ ♪ >> PLEASE, SIR, CAN I HAVE SOME
ANYTHING?
>> Stephen: THE BRITS WERE ALREADY HAVING SUPPLY CHAIN
ISSUES BECAUSE OF BREXIT WHEN COVID HIT.
NOW FOOD IS SO SCARCE THAT SOME SUPERMARKETS ARE FILLING EMPTY
PRODUCE SECTIONS AND BARE STORE SHELVES WITH PICTURES OF
WHATEVER ITEMS SHOULD'VE BEEN IN THOSE SPACES.
YES, THINGS HAVE GOTTEN SO BAD THAT THE TECHNICAL CHALLENGE ON
"THE GREAT BRITISH BAKING SHOW" THIS WEEK WAS PAPIER-MACHE
BROWNIES.
( LAUGHTER ) NOW, LET'S SEE WHAT THESE
CARDBOARD GROCERIES LOOK LIKE.
HERE'S SOME ASPARAGUS.
IF YOU EAT IT, YOUR PEE SMELLS LIKE CARDBOARD.
( LAUGHTER ) OR YOU COULD TRY THE CARDBOARD
CARROTS, AND EVIDENTLY, THEY ALSO RAN OUT OF PHOTOS OF
CARDBOARD CARROTS.
FUN FACT: THOSE NON-CARROTS WERE PHOTOGRAPHED AT A SUPERMARKET IN
A REAL TOWN CALLED FAKENHAM.
( LAUGHTER ) IT'S RIGHT BETWEEN
ON-THE-NOSE-INGTON AND WE'RE SCREWED-SHIRE.
( LAUGHTER ) SOME STORES AREN'T EVEN PUTTING
IN THE EFFORT TO PRINT ACTUAL PHOTOS OF FOOD, OPTING INSTEAD
FOR OUTLINES OF GENERIC PRODUCTS.
AT LEAST I THINK THAT'S WHAT IT IS.
IT COULD BE THE CHALK OUTLINE OF FOOD THAT WAS MURDERED.
BACK STATESIDE, OVER THE WEEKEND, WE LEARNED THAT THE
CAPITOL RIOT GOT PLANNING HELP FROM REPUBLICAN LAWMAKERS LIKE
ALABAMA CONGRESSMAN AND MAN PAUSING MIDSPEECH TO ORDER
A ROUND OF BREADSTICKS, MO BROOKS.
"ROLLING STONE" REPORTS THAT BROOKS MET WITH "STOP THE STEAL"
ORGANIZERS PRIOR TO JANUARY 6, BUT BROOKS SAYS HE HAD NO
INVOLVEMENT IN THE RALLY UNTIL JANUARY 5, WHEN HE CLAIMS THE
WHITE HOUSE FIRST ASKED HIM TO SPEAK.
THAT'S NOT MUCH OF A DEFENSE: "YOUR HONOR, MY CLIENT SWEARS HE
HAD ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH THE BANK ROBBERY UNTIL THE
DAY BEFORE, WHEN HE WAS ASKED TO DRIVE THE GETAWAY CAR...
AND THEN OF COURSE WHEN HE DROVE THE CAR."
IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE THAT BROOKS HAD NO SENSE OF WHAT WAS COMING,
SINCE HE SPOKE AT THE RALLY WHILE WEARING BDY ARMOR.
THAT'S LIKE SHOWING UP TO YOUR SURPRISE PARTY IN A FULL BALL
GOWN AND TIARA.
SOMETHING TELLS ME YOU WERE TIPPED OFF:
"OH, MY GOD!
THE FALL OF DEMOCRACY?
YOU GUUUUYS, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE!!"
BROOKS WASHED HIS HANDS OF ANY INVOLVEMENT, BUT SAID HIS STAFF
MIGHT HAVE BEEN INVOLVED.
WOW!
WAY TO THROW YOUR TEAM UNDER THE CAMPAIGN BUS.
REMINDS ME OF HARRY TRUMAN'S FAMOUS PLAQUE:
"THE BUCK STOPS OVER THERE...
WHERE MY ASSISTANT SITS.
GET HER!" ( LAUGHTER )
IF YOU DON'T LIKE THAT JOKE, I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT, BUT
MY WRITERS MIGHT HAVE BEEN INVOLVED.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
♪ ♪ ♪ ANOTHER ALLEGED COUP-CONSPIRATOR
IS ARIZONA REPRESENTATIVE AND INVENTOR OF THE DICK-FACE
SELFIE, PAUL GOSAR.
( LAUGHTER ) GOSAR IGNORED REPORTS THAT HE
ENCOURAGED THE INSURRECTION, INSTEAD CHOOSING TO POST A MEME
OF HIS HEAD PHOTOSHOPPED ONTO JAMES BOND.
IT'S APPROPRIATE.
AFTER ALL, GOSAR'S I.Q. IS 007 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THERE YOU GO.
THAT'S A SIMPLE ONE.
IT'S SIMPLE.
>> Jon: YEAH, THE PEOPLE LIKE IT.
>> Stephen: MAKES PEOPLE HAPPY.
AND IF HE HELPED PLAN THE CAPITOL RIOT, HE'LL BE LUCKY TO
BE OUT ON BOND, BAIL BOND.
( LAUGHTER ) HERE'S MY PROBLEM:
EVERYONE KNOWS WHEN YOU'RE PHOTOSHOPPING YOUR HEAD ONTO
DANIEL CRAIG'S BODY, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO USE THIS PICTURE.
IT'S SCIENCE!
WAIT, LET ME JUST FIX ONE THING.
OKAY, NOW IT'S PERFECT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT.
MY GUEST IS CBS'S OWN KATIE COURIC.
BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, "MEANWHILE"!
JOIN US.
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
IT'S JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN RIGHT OVER THERE, RIGHT OVER
THERE.
PR>> Stephen: JON I HOLD IN MY HANDS, I HOLD IN MY HANDS THE
QUESTION I'M GOING TO BE ASKING OUR GUEST TONIGHT, KATIE COURIC.
SHE'S GOT A BOOK OUT NOW CALLED "GOING THERE."
AND, JON, SHE GOES THERE.
>> Jon: OH, YEAH.
>> Stephen: AS A MATTER OF FACT, THERE'S ONE WHOLE PAGE OF
QUESTIONS CALLED, "JUICY TID BITS."
I LIKE IT.
SHE BROUGHT IT.
I'M NOT GOING TO SAY "GOES AFTER," BECAUSE SHE'S NOT
VICIOUS, BUT SHE SPILLS THE TEA, ON AN ILLUSTRIOUS CAREER.
YOU KNOW WHAT I LIKE ABOUT IT?
SHE SPILLS THE TEA ON HERSELF AS WELL.
SHE DOESN'T LEAVE HERSELF OUT OF THE TEA STAIN AREA.
>> Jon: YEAH, YOU CAN'T BE TOSSING STONES IN A GLASS HOUSE,
YOU SEE.
>> Stephen: NO, NO, NO.
HER HOUSE SEEMS TO BE MADE OF STONES.
( LAUGHTER ) ANYWAY, LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT.
FOLKS-- OVER HERE?
FOLKS-- BECAUSE I'LL TALK ANYWHERE YOU POINT.
I'M A PUPPET ON A STRING.
FOLKS, I SPEND A LOT OF TIME RIGHT OVER THERE, OKAY,
HANDPICKING ONLY THE RIPEST AND MOST TOPICAL DAILY HEADLINES,
SEEKING OUT THE SWEETEST, MOST- REFINED OF JEST-JAMS AND
JOKE-JELLIES, CURATING A PLATE OF LOCAL COMEDY-FED MEATS AND
SATIRICAL CHEESES TO LAY OUT THE ARTISANAL CHARCUTERIE BOARD
A-NEWS BOUCHE THAT IS MY NIGHTLY MONOLOGUE.
( LAUGHTER ) BUT SOMETIMES, I WAKE UP IN THE
GREASE TRAP OF AN UNLICENSED SLAUGHTERHOUSE,
SPLASH MY FACE WITH BEEF TALLOW, RENDER A RUDIMENTARY PRESERVE
FROM BONE MARROW AND MELTED GUMMY WORMS, AND THROW IT
TOGETHER WITH SOME SWEETBREADS AND TRIPE TO PRESENT THE
PLOWMAN'S PLATTER OF UNCLAIMED OFFAL THAT IS MY SEGMENT:
>> MEANWHILE!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: BACK IN THE
GROOVE.
THAT'S IT.
MEANWHILE, IT'S THE NORTH STAR, IT GUIDES YOU HOME EVERY TIME.
MEANWHILE, FOR SLEEP-DEPRIVED HONG KONG RESIDENTS, THERE'S A
NEW HONG KONG BUS MEANT TO PUT PEOPLE TO SLEEP-- BECAUSE WHEN I
WANT REST AND RELAXATION, MY FIRST THOUGHT IS PUBLIC BUS
( LAUGHTER ) I CAN'T WAIT TO PEACEFULLY NOD
OFF BETWEEN THE WOMAN CLIPPING HER TOENAILS AND THE DRIFTER
WITH PINK EYE AND A SUPPORT FERRET.
MEANWHILE, IN COLORADO, A HIKER LOST ON A MOUNTAIN FOR 24 HOURS
IGNORED CALLS FROM RESCUERS BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T RECOGNIZE
THE PHONE NUMBER.
( LAUGHTER ) THE HIKER WAS REPORTED MISSING
AFTER NOT RETURNING WHEN THEY GOT LOST AT NIGHT, THEN FOUND
THEIR WAY OUT BUT DIDN'T TELL ANYONE, LEADING AUTHORITIES TO
REMIND EVERYONE, "IF YOU'RE OVERDUE, ACCORDING TO YOUR
ITINERARY, AND YOU START GETTING REPEATED CALLS FROM AN UNKNOWN
NUMBER, PLEASE ANSWER THE PHONE."
NO, NO, NO CAN DO, RESCUE GUYS.
I WOULD RATHER EAT MY OWN FROSTBITTEN FOOT THAN RISK
ANSWERING A CALL ABOUT MY VEHICLE'S WARRANTY.
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
NO!
MEANWHILE, ON SUNDAY, STAR OF MEN'S FOOTBALL TOM BRADY BECAME
THE FIRST N.F.L. QUARTERBACK TO THROW 600 TOUCHDOWN PASSES.
NOW, THAT'S IMPRESSIVE.
OBVIOUSLY, THE BALL BRADY THREW FOR THE 600th T.D. IS AN
IMPORTANT N.F.L. ARTIFACT, WHICH IS WHY, AFTER CATCHING THE BALL,
THE BUCS' RECEIVER MIKE EVANS CHERISHED THAT PRECIOUS
MEMORABILIA SO MUCH THAT HE IMMEDIATELY GAVE IT AWAY TO
A FAN.
MIKE!
NO!
YOU CAN'T BE THAT RECKLESS WITH A PIECE OF SPORTS HISTORY!
WHERE IN THE WORLD DID HE EVER LEARN SUCH-- OKAY, I UNDERSTAND.
THAT CHECKS OUT.
( APPLAUSE ) NOW, THE BUCS GOT THE BALL BACK,
WHICH IS ESTIMATED TO BE WORTH EASILY HALF A MILLION DOLLARS
PLUS, BY OFFERING THE FAN A PACKAGE, INCLUDING SEASON
TICKETS AND AUTOGRAPHED MEMORABILIA.
PLUS A LITTLE SOMETHING FROM BRADY HIMSELF.
>> I'M ALSO GIVING HIM A BITCOIN, WHICH, I MEAN, IS
PRETTY COOL, TOO.
>> Stephen: SO, FOR A BALL WORTH HALF A MIL, YOU GAVE HIM
FOOTBALL TICKETS, BUCS MERCH, AND THE CONCEPT OF MONEY.
REMIND ME NEVER TO SACRIFICE ANYTHING FOR TOM BRADY.
"THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR DONATING THAT KIDNEY, STEVE!
HERE'S A PACK OF TIC TACS FROM MY WIFE'S PURSE, THE SPARE
BUTTON ON MY SWEATER, AND A FISTFUL OF SKEE-BALL
TICKETS.
IT'S ENOUGH FOR A KEYCHAIN!" MEANWHILE, SUPPLY CHAIN ISSUES
ARE AFFECTING EVERYTHING, ICLUDING THE INGREDIENTS TO
MAKE THE COLOR BLUE, SO WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF BLUE PAINT.
WHICH IS WHY THE BLUE MAN GROUP IS TEMPORARILY THE BALD GUY
BUNCH.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
THAT'S GOOD.
MEANWHILE, THIS TIME OF YEAR, WE HERE AT "MEANWHILE GLOBAL
CONSOLIDATED SHIPPING AND DISCOUNT COCKATOO SMUGGLING"
COME ACROSS SO MANY HALLOWEEN-RELATED STORIES
THAT WE COLLECT THEM ALL IN OUR "MEANWHILE" SUB-SEGMENT:
"HALLOWEEN-WHILE."
HALLOWEEN-WHILE, WINE MAKER FRANZIA JUST UNVEILED A NEW
BOXED WINE HALLOWEEN COSTUME THAT DISPENSES REAL WINE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THAT'S KIND OF WEIRD.
I THOUGHT IT WOULD HAVE DISPENSED FRANZIA.
BUT WHERE IS THE WINE DISPENSED FROM?
WELL, EACH COSTUME INCLUDES AN INTERNAL POUCH THAT CAN CARRY A
FULL BAG OF FRANZIA.
SAME HERE, BABY.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
FULL POUCH.
THE COSTUME COMES IN TWO VARIETIES: RICH AND BUTTERY
CHARDONNAY, AND DARK RED BLEND.
SO YOU CAN PICK WHICH COLOR YOU WANT TO VOMIT.
( LAUGHTER ) HALLOWEEN-WHILE, THE CANDY CORN
HAS BEEN HACKED!
A RANSOMWARE GANG TARGETED THE CONFECTIONARY RESPONSIBLE FOR
PRODUCING CANDY CORN.
OH, NO!
BUT NOW ON HALLOWEEN, WHAT WILL OUR KIDS IMMEDIATELY THROW IN
THE GARBAGE?
OH, WAIT.
NECCO WAFERS.
THEY'LL THROW AWAY THE NECCO WAIVERS.
IF I WANT TO EAT CHALK, I WILL EAT CHALK.
HALLOWEEN-WHILE, A CRACK HAS DISQUALIFIED A PUMPKIN FROM
COMPETITION AFTER IT WAS THOUGHT TO BE THE LARGEST IN THE U.S.
THIS IS THE MOST SHOCKING CRACK-RELATED BAN SINCE THE TIME
I WORE LOW-RISE JEANS TO WORK.
( APPLAUSE ) YOU TAKING THAT DOWN?
YOU TAKING THAT PHOTO DOWN THAT FAST?
MEANWHILE, IN MUSIC NEWS, METALLICA AND BILLY JOEL ARE
TEAMING UP FOR A WEEKEND OF MUSIC IN LAS VEGAS THIS
FEBRUARY.
FINALLY, THE METALLICA/BILLY JOEL CROSS-OVER THAT NEITHER OF
THEIR FANS EVER ASKED FOR.
I CANNOT WAIT TO HEAR "ENTER PIANO MAN."
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH KATIE COURIC.
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY.
WELCOME BACK.
TO "THE LATE SHOW."
WITH ME.
ON CBS.
HEY, EVERYBODY, THANKS SO MUCH.
( APPLAUSE ) FOLKS, MY GUEST TONIGHT IS A
PEABODY AND EMMY AWARD-WINNING JOURNALIST WHO'S
BEEN REPORTING FOR FOUR DECADES.
NOW SHE'S WRITTEN A MEMOIR CALLED "GOING THERE."
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," KATIE COURIC!
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
IT'S AWFULLY NICE TO HAVE YOU BACK, KATIE COURIC.
>> THANK YOU, WOW, THIS PLACE IS CROWDED!
GOOD FOR YOU!
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: DOING OUR BEST.
>> THAT'S AWESOME.
>> Stephen: WE'RE DOING OUR BEST.
HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?
>> I'M GOOD.
I'M REALLY GOOD.
I HAVE TO SAY HI TO THE BAND.
HI, GUYS.
HOW ARE YOU?
NICE TO SEE YOU.
>> Stephen: THAT'S A PRO RIGHT THERE.
KNOWS TO SAY HI TO THE BAND.
THEY KNOW WHO THE IMPORTANT PEOPLE ARE ON STAGE.
>> WELL, HONESTLY-- ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: CATHERINE COURIC.
>> YES, STEVE.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE WRITTEN A NEW MEMOIR SELENA GOMEZ.
>> I HAVE.
>> YOU SPILL THE TEA ON LES MOONVES, LARRY KING, MARTHA
STEWART, VARIOUS EX-BOYFRIENDS.
>> I'VE BECOME THE TAYLOR SWIFT OF MEMOIRESES, I THINK.
>> Stephen: AND YOU DON'T SPARE YOURSELF.
YOU THROW A COUPLE OF BRICKS AT YOUR OWN HOUSE.
WHY PUT IT ALL OUT THERE, KATIE?
>> WHY NOT.
>> Stephen: SOME PEOPLE DON'T.
YOU KNOW, SOME PEOPLE, YOU KNOW, WHEN THEY'VE HAD A FULFILLING
CAREER THEY END UP WRITING A BOOK ABOUT THEMSELVES TO MAKE
THEM LOOK FANTASTIC AT ALL TIMES.
>> AND ISN'T THAT BORING, STEPHEN?
I WANTED TO WRITE A BOOK ABOUT A FULL PERSON, WHO IS COMPLICATED,
WHO IS NOT A CARICATURE OF AMERICA'S SWEETHEART, THAT HAS
OPINIONS, THAT HAS HAD EXPERIENCES, AND HAS FLAWS AND
STRENGTHS AND, YOU KNOW, OTHERWISE, IT WOULD BE SO
BORING, RIGHT?
>> Stephen: HOW EARLY DID YOU WANT TO BE A REPORTER?
BECAUSE I HAVE A PHOTO OF YOU HERE, RIGHT THERE, THERE'S A
YOUNG KATIE COURIC.
I'M GOING TO GUESS YOU'RE-- >> PEOPLE THINK THAT'S A
HEADBAND.
IT'S ACTUALLY A HAT.
I'M ON MY WAY TO GIRL SCOUT CAMP I THINK IN FOURTH GRADE IN THAT
PICTURE.
I DON'T KNOW, I THINK I'VE ALWAYS BEEN SUPER OBSERVANT.
I WROTE IN MY LITTLE FOURTH GRADE DIARY THAT IS THIS
CLOTH-COVERED PAISLEY DIARY ALL ABOUT WHEN THE THREE ASTRONAUTS,
DIED ON THE LAUNCH PAD IN 1968, I BELIEVE.
>> Stephen: APOLLO ONE.
>> YES.
AND I ALSO USED TO DO MOCK-UP NEWSPAPERS.
AND I'VE ALWAYS BEEN UBER EXPROVERTED AND I THINK ALL OF
THOSE THINGS COMBINED MADE A CAREER IN JOURNALISM, SUPER
NOSEY AND CURIOUS, MADE IT MADE FOR ME.
>> Stephen: YOU SAY JANE PAULEY WAS A ROLE MODEL FOR YOU.
WHEN WAS THE FIRST TIME YOU MET HER?
OBVIOUSLY YOU HAD SIMILAR JOBS.
>> WHO WOULD HAVE THUNK-- >> Stephen: IT WOULD BE LIKE
ME TAKING OVER FOR LETTERMAN.
>> COME ON.
REALLY!
I LIVED IN THIS TOWN HOUSE IN GEORGETOWN, AND MY FRIEND WENDY,
WHO IS ONE OF MY CLOSEST FRIENDS, STILL, ALL THESE YEARS
LATER, WE USED TO WATCH THE "TODAY" SHOW EVERY MORNING.
SHE HAD A LITTLE TV ON HER DESK IN THE BASEMENT-- SHE LIVED IN A
BASEMENT OF A TOWN HOUSE.
WE USED TO WATCH JANE.
AND SOMEHOW WHEN WE WORKED FOR CNN WHEN WE STARTED OUT--
EVERYBODY CALLED IT CHICKEN NOODLE NEWS.
WE GOT TICKETED TO THE RADIO AND OF IT CORRESPONDENTS' DINNER,
WHICH WAS A BIG DEAL.
WE WERE MAKING $11,000 A YEAR, BASICALLY GRUNTS.
WE WENT TO LOEHMAN'S -- >> Stephen: LOEHAM'S--M'S--
WE BOUGHT THESE DRESSES, AND SHE SAID, "THERE'S JANE PAULEY."
AND SHE WAS WALK IN.
SHE GOES, "I DARE YOU TO GO TOUCH HER."
SO OF COURSE I, LIKE, WALK UP TO JANE.
I KIND OF GRAYED HER TAFFETA GOWN WITH MY KNUCKLES.
AND WE WERE, LIKE, SO EXCITED, BECAUSE WE WORSHIPPED JANE
PAULEY.
>> Stephen: WOW.
>> AND THE IDEA THAT I ENDED UP IN THE SAME JOB THAT JANE PAULEY
HAD AND DID SO BEAUTIFULLY, IT WAS LIKE THAT MIND-BLOWN EMOJY.
REALLY.
>> Stephen: SURE.
>> IT WAS SO CRAZY.
>> Stephen: YOU END UP AT THE "TODAY" SHOW.
HAVE YOU WATCHED "THE MORNING SHOW."
>> I HAVE.
>> Stephen: IS IT LIKE THAT?
I DON'T MEAN LIKE PLOT POINT AND STUFF LIKE THAT.
IS IT LIKE THAT?
ARE THESE SHOWS A BAG OF SNAKES ALL FIGHTING EACH OTHER?
THAT'S WHAT IT SEEMS LIKE, THE PERSONALITY CONFLICTS.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT STRUCK ME ABOUT "THE MORNING SHOW," THEY ARE ALL
( BLEEP ) CRAZY.
>> Stephen: THE SHOW IS.
>> THE SHOW.
EVERY CHARACTER IS CARRYING AROUND A LOT OF BAGGAGE.
THEY'RE ALL SUPER NEUROTIC.
IT'S, IT'S-- YOU KNOW, I THINK IT'S EXAGGERATED, BUT THERE'S
SOME OF THAT.
>> Stephen: WHICH OF THE THREE MORNING SHOWS DO YOU THINK IS
CRAZIEST?
>> I THINK THEY'RE ALL CRAZY, BUT LESS CRAZY THAN THEY USED TO
BE.
I WRITE ABOUT HOW INTENSE THE COMPETITION WAS IN THE BOOKING
WARS.
THAT WAS ONE OF THE MOST FUN CHAPTERS TO WRITE ABOUT.
BECAUSE IT WAS SO INSANE WHEN I WAS ON THE "TODAY" SHOW, THE
BATTLE FOR THE BIG GETS.
PEOPLE WOULD CALL UP HOTEL ROOMS AND SAY, "ACTUALLY, THERE'S BEEN
A CHANGE OF PLANS, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GO TO "GOOD MORNING
AMERICA" FIRST AND THEN GO TO THE "TODAY" SHOW."
AND THE GUEST WOULD BE LIKE, OKAY.
AND THEY WOULD GO TO "GOOD MORNING AMERICA," AND THEY WOULD
HOLD THEM HOSTAGE IN THE GREEN ROOM AND THEY WOULD BE LAST TO
THE "TODAY" SHOW-- BY THE WAY, WE DID IT, TOO.
IT'S SO FUNNY TO ME THE LENGTHS WE WENT TO.
BUT NOW THE LANDSCAPE IS SO SPLINTERED.
YOU DON'T NECESSARILY, WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, NEED SOMEONE LIKE
YOU TO GET YOUR MESSAGE OUT.
>> Stephen: OKAY, OKAY.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK.
I'M SO SORRY ABOUT THAT.
YOU KNOW HOW THIS WORKS.
>> YOU HAVE TO PAY THE BILLS.
>> Stephen: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE KATIE COURIC,
EVERYBODY.
WE'RE BACK WITH KATIE COURIC, THE AUTHOR OF "GOING THERE."
AND, LORD, DOES SHE.
KATIE, YOU TALK ABOUT YOUR 2016 INTERVIEW WITH RUTH BADER
GINSBURG.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: AND THAT CAUSED A BIT OF A TENSION AT THE TIME,
AND YOU ASKED HER ABOUT COLIN KAEPERNICK AND KNEELING BEFORE
THE FLAG, AND SHE HAD UNSUPPORTIVE AND UNFLATTERING
THINGS TO SAY.
>> SURPRISINGLY UNFLATTERING, AND SHE SAID IT WAS DUMB AND
DISRESPECTFUL, STUPID AND ARROGANT.
SHE WOULDN'T NECESSARILY-- HE WOULDN'T BE LOCKED UP FOR IT
BECAUSE IT'S HIS RIGHT, LIKE FLAG BURNING IS HIS RIGHT.
BUT SHE WAS HIGHLY, HIGHLY CRITICAL.
AND THE REASON I INCLUDED THAT-- I CHOSE TO INCLUDE THAT --
>> Stephen: AND SHE APOLOGIZED FOR THAT.
>> WELL, YEAH, WHAT HAPPENED WAS SOMEBODY FROM HER OFFICE CALLED
AND SAID SHE REALLY HADN'T BEEN FOLLOWING THE STORY THAT
CAREFULLY AND SHE MISSPOKE.
AND I WAS, LIKE, DID SHE NOT UNDERSTAND IT?
DOES SHE NOT REALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT COLIN KAEPERNICK WAS DOING?
AND, YOU KNOW, HONESTLY THE HUMAN SIDE OF ME WAS LIKE SHE'S
OLDER.
IS SHE CONFUSED ABOUT IT?
BUT THEN I REALIZED I HAD TO SHARE HER VIEWS.
BUT THERE WAS ONE STATEMENT THAT I THOUGHT I DIDN'T QUITE
UNDERSTAND WHAT SHE MEANT.
I DIDN'T ASK A FOLLOW-UP CLARIFY THAT?"
AND I ENDED UP NOT USING IT.
AND, OBVIOUSLY, IT BOTHERED ME ENOUGH THEY WANTED TO INCLUDE
THAT IN THE BOOK.
>> Stephen: WHAT DID SHE SAY?
>> SHE SAID SOMETHING ABOUT HE'S MORE FORTUNATE.
HE SHOULD REALIZE HOW FORTUNATE OR HIS PARENTS SHOULD REALIZE
HOW FORTUNATE THEY ARE VERSUS THE COUNTRIES THEY CAME FROM.
AND THAT'S WHY EDUCATION IS SO IMPORTANT.
AND EVEN LOOKING AT IT TODAY, I'VE TALKED TO A LOT OF MY SMART
FRIENDS WHO ARE JOURNALISTS, AND THEY SAY IT'S-- IT'S NOT EXACTLY
CLEAR WHAT SHE WAS SAYING.
SO WHAT I REGRET IS THAT I DIDN'T ASK A FOLLOW-UP QUESTION.
AND, ULTIMATELY, THAT I DIDN'T INCLUDE IT, EVEN AFTER, YOU
KNOW, THEY SAID SHE MISSPOKE, SHE DOESN'T REALLY UNDERSTAND
THE INTENT OF THIS ACTION OR THE PURPOSE OF IT.
AND I SAID I STILL QUESTION THAT CHOICE.
I THINK WHAT I WAS TRYING TO SAY IS WE ALL MAKE JUDGMENT CALLS.
SOMETIMES THEY'RE RIGHT, SOMETIMES THEY'RE WRONG,
SOMETIMES OUR OWN HUMAN EMOTION GETS INVOLVED IN IT.
AND THAT'S WHY I INCLUDED IT.
AND I THINK IT'S REALLY INTERESTING, BECAUSE I THINK THE
WAY TO RESTORE FAITH IN THE MEDIA IS THAT WE SHOULD BE
WILLING TO SAY, "WE MADE A MISTAKE."
YOU KNOW, NBC SHOULD BE ABLE TO SAY, "WE SHOULDN'T HAVE SAT ON
THE 'ACCESS HOLLYWOOD' TAPE SO OF "THE WASHINGTON POST" HAD TO
PUBLICIZE THAT STORY."
OR CBS SHOULD SAY, "WE SHOULDN'T MAKE WOMEN SIGN N.D.A.s AND
PUSH WOMEN OUT OF THE BUSINESS WHILE SEXUAL HARASSERS ARE
ALLOWED TO STAY AND THRIVE ( APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: SINCE YOU'RE THERE--
>> WAIT, I GOT ONE MORE, BABY!
AND CNN SHOULD BE ABLE TO SAY, "WE SHOULDN'T ALLOW CHRIS CUOMO
TO YUCKIT UP WITH HIS BROTHER, THE GOVERNOR OF NEW YORK, WITH A
GIANT Q-TIP IN THE MIDDLEAVE PANDEMIC BECAUSE IT'S GOOD TV.
THEY SHOULD SAY, "WE MADE A BAD DECISION."
AND THAT WAS WRONG.
I THINK IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT FOR PEOPLE TO ACKNOWLEDGE WHEN
THEY PROBABLY HAVE ERRED THE WRONG WAY.
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE
ANOTHER BREAK, BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, I WILL ASK KATIE ABOUT HER
YEARS AS ANCHOR OF THE CBS EVENING NEWS.
JOIN US, WON'T YOU?
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
WE'RE BACK WITH JOURNALIST AND AUTHOR OF "GOING THERE" CAN THE
CURE.
I'M NOT SURE WHEN YOU AND I FIRST MET.
BUT I REMEMBER ONE INTERACTION, I HAD BROKEN MY WRIST, AND I
CAME UP TO CBS BROADCAST.
>> I REMEMBER THAT.
>> Stephen: TO GET YOU TO SIGN MY WRIST.
YOU DID NOT SEEM PARTICULARLY HAPPY THAT DAY.
AND THAT IS BORNE OUT BY THE DESCRIPTION OF THAT JOB IN THIS
BOOK.
>> WAS I BLINKING MY EYES TO YOU?
>> Stephen: NOPE, YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO.
YOU LITERALLY TURNED TO ME AT ONE POINT AND SAID, "THEY NEVER
LET ME DO ANYTHING HERE THAT I MIGHT ENJOY, BUT I REALLY ENJOY
THIS," AND YOU WALKED OUT OF THE ROOM.
BECAUSE THEY WERE TELLING YOU-- WHOEVER IN THE ROOM WITH YOU
SAID YOU CANNOT CONTINUE WITH THIS BIT.
>> OH, RIGHT, RIGHT.
>> Stephen: AND YOU WENT, "BUT WHY?
THIS IS ALL JUST FOR FUN AND IT'S GOING TO GO TO CHARITY."
AND THEY WERE SO NERVOUS ABOUT HAVING YOU THERE, HAVING FUN IN
THE FISH BOWL.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: AT THE CBS EVENING NEWS.
WHAT WAS THAT EXPERIENCE LIKE FOR YOU?
>> HOW MUCH TIME DO YOU HAVE?
>> Stephen: WE'VE GOT ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD.
>> LISTEN, LISTEN, THERE ARE A LOT OF FANTASTIC PEOPLE AT CBS
NEWS, BUT I THINK THAT LES MOONVES LURED ME OVER THERE TO
SHAKE UP THE NEWSCAST.
THE PROBLEM WAS NOBODY INVOLVED IN THE NEWSCAST REALLY WANTED IT
TO BE SHAKEN UP.
SO I DIDN'T REALLY GET BUY-IN FROM A LOT OF THE PEOPLE IN
POWERFUL POSITIONS THERE, LIKE JEFF FAGGER.
ANYWAY, SO -- >> Stephen: BUT THERE WERE
PEOPLE THERE LITERALLY PUSHING BACK OVER SOMETHING LES MOONVES
WANTED, SAY WHAT YOU WANT ABOUT LES MOONVES-- AND A LOT HAS BEEN
SAID-- HE ACTUALLY RAN THE NETWORK.
WHAT HE SAID HAPPENED, HAPPENED THERE.
>> YES, YES.
I THINK WHAT OCCURRED IS HE HIRED ME.
HE WANTED TO TRY SOMETHING.
CBS HAD BEEN IN THIRD PLACE IN THE EVENING NEWSCAST FOR I THINK
A DECADE OR MORE.
I THINK HE-- IT WAS SORT OF A HAIL MARY HIRE.
AND ONCE I GOT THERE, THOUGH, I THINK THAT I WAS SO DIFFERENT
CULTURALLY.
CBS IS REALLY, I THINK, THE MOST TRADITIONAL NETWORK.
IT'S KIND OF MOST-- THE MOST OLD BOYS' CLUB.
CLUB-- OR AT LEAST IT WAS AT THE TIME.
AND IT WAS SORT OF LIKE THE BODY REJECTING THE ORGAN TRANSPLANT.
>> Stephen: YOU WERE THE HEALTHY KIDNEY?
>> I WAS THE HEALTHY KIDNEY, AND THEY DIDN'T WANT IT.
THEY DIDN'T NEED IT, RIGHT?
>> Stephen: SO THEY THOUGHT.
>> YEAH.
SO BASICALLY I NEEDED SOME ANTI-REJECTION DRUGS STAT, BUT
NOBODY WAS PROVIDING THEM.
AND, YOU KNOW, IT WAS-- IT WAS A REALLY TOUGH EXPERIENCE.
I TELL THIS FUNNY STORY, YOU KNOW, TO GET SORT OF
RELENTLESSLY CRITICIZED.
ALSO, I THINK AMERICA WASN'T NECESSARILY READY FOR AN ANCHOR
WITH LIPSTICK.
YOU KNOW, I WAS KIND OF THE FIRST ONE --
>> Stephen: EVEN THOUGH YOU WERE ALREADY SO FAMOUS AND
BELOVED.
>> I MEAN-- I MEAN, I THINK I WAS NOT EXACTLY THE ARCHTYPE.
YOU CAN'T GET MORE DIFFERENT THAN ME AND SCOTT PELLEY, FOR
EXAMPLE, WHO CAME IN AND REPLACED ME.
HE'S MUCH MORE OF A TRADITIONAL ANCHORPERSON.
SO I THINK THAT THE COUNTRY AND CBS HAS THE OLDEST, MOST
TRADITIONAL AUDIENCE.
AND INTERNALLY, IN TERMS OF THE D.N.A. OF THAT ORGANIZATION,
THEY WERE JUST NOT THAT INTO ME.
AND I REMEMBER GOING HOME AND, LIKE, MY DAUGHTERS WERE AT THE
KITCHEN TABLE, AND, LIKE-- IT'S REALLY HARD WHEN YOU ARE JUST
ATTACKED RELENTLESSLY, DAY AFTER DAY, AND I'M PRETTY TOUGH, BUT
I'M HUMAN.
AND I STARTED CRYING AT THE DINNER TABLES.
AND MY DAUGHTERS, THEY WERE, LIKE, 10 AND 14.
AND THEY WERE-- THEY WERE SO TAKEN ABACK.
AND THIS WAS AFTER JAY HAD DIED.
AND I WAS A SINGLE MOM.
AND THEY WERE LIKE, "WHAT'S WRONG?"
AND I WAS JUST LIKE, "I'M HAVING A REALLY HARD TIME."
I SOUNDED JUST LIKE MARY ELECTORTYLERMOORE THERE.
AND CARRIE SAID, "REMEMBER WHAT SAMANTHA SAID IN 'SEX IN THE
CITY '."
THIS IS MY 10-YEAR-OLD.
"IF I LISTENED TO WHAT EVERY BITCH IN NEW YORK CITY SAID
ABOUT ME, I'D NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE."
( APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: AND WITH THAT, AND WITH THAT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
SHE'S GOING THERE.
IT'S AVAILABLE NOW.
AND SHE'S KATIE COURIC.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY GABBY BARRETT.
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
IS.
>> SO I THINK WHAT'S SIGNIFICANT ABOUT THIS IS THAT DONALD TRUMP
FOUND HIS WAY TO ENJOYING THE WHITE HOUSE.
I THINK YOU WOULD AGREE WITH THAT.
>> YEAH.
>> SPENT MANY A WEEKEND THERE-- >> AND ALSO WORKED THROUGH THE
WHOLE WEEKEND.
>> WOW, I'M WILLING TO GO ALONG WITH ANY INSANE FOX NEWS
NARRATIVE, BUT TRUMP WORKING WEEKENDS.
WAY OR THE LINE.
I'M OUT!
"GOLDMINE," WAS ANNOUNCED TODAY.
PERFORMING "FOOTPRINTS ON THE MOON," GABBY BARRETT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ IT'S EVEREST, I KNOW
IT'S IMPOSSIBLE, YOU'RE TOO ♪ YOUNG OR TOO OLD
THAT'S WHAT THEY TELL YOU, MMM SO THAT'S WHAT YOU TELL YOU TOO
♪ SO THE LIGHT, IT FADES WHEN YOU FIGURE OUT THE RULES,
♪ THEY CHANGE WHEN YOU TOUCH IT IN YOUR HANDS,
♪ IT'S SAND SLIPPING THROUGH,
♪ BUT THE TRUTH IS ♪ EVERYBODY SAYS THAT YOU CAN'T
'TIL YOU DO (HEY) ♪ STANDING THERE, STARING AT THE
MIRROR IN THE ROOM (HEY) ♪ TELL YOURSELF, "ONE MORE DAY"
(HEY) ♪ "ONE MORE DAY, ONE MORE SHOT"
(HANG ON) ♪ THE VOICES IN THE NIGHT,
IN YOUR HEAD (HEY) ♪ YEAH, THEY'LL BEG YOU TO QUIT
AND THEY'LL TELL YOU ♪ THAT IT'S HARD,
'CAUSE IT IS (HEY) ♪ BUT YOU CAN DO ANYTHING (HEY)
ANYTHING YOU WANT TO ♪ THERE'S FOOTPRINTS ON THE MOON
(HEY) ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ YOUR KNEES, THEY'LL SHAKE YOU'RE GONNA WANNA STAY HOME,
♪ DON'T STAY ♪ THE MORE YOUR HEART WANTS IT,
MMM ♪ THE HARDER IT'LL BREAK, YEAH
EVERYBODY SAYS THAT YOU CAN'T ♪ 'TIL YOU DO (HEY)
STANDING THERE, ♪ STARING AT THE MIRROR
IN THE ROOM (HEY) ♪ TELL YOURSELF,
"ONE MORE DAY" (HEY) ♪ "ONE MORE DAY,
ONE MORE SHOT" (HANG ON) ♪ THE VOICES IN THE NIGHT,
IN YOUR HEAD (HEY) ♪ YEAH, THEY'LL BEG YOU TO QUIT
AND THEY'LL TELL YOU ♪ THAT IT'S HARD,
'CAUSE IT IS (HEY) ♪ BUT YOU CAN DO ANYTHING (HEY)
ANYTHING YOU WANT TO ♪ THERE'S FOOTPRINTS ON THE MOON
(HEY) ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ THERE'S FOOTPRINTS ON THE MOON (HEY)
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ SOME DAYS, YOU'RE GONNA WIN SOME DAYS,
♪ YOU'RE GONNA BE THIS CLOSE SOME DAYS,
♪ YOU'LL WANNA GIVE UP BUT HANG ON
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ EVERYBODY SAYS THAT YOU CAN'T 'TIL YOU DO (HEY)
♪ STANDING THERE, STARING AT THE MIRROR IN THE ROOM (HEY)
♪ TELL YOURSELF, "ONE MORE DAY" (HEY)
♪ "ONE MORE DAY, ONE MORE SHOT" THE VOICES IN THE NIGHT,
♪ IN YOUR HEAD (HEY) YEAH, THEY'LL BEG YOU TO QUIT
♪ AND THEY'LL TELL YOU THAT IT'S HARD,
♪ 'CAUSE IT IS (HEY) BUT YOU CAN DO ANYTHING (HEY)
♪ ANYTHING YOU WANT TO ♪ THERE'S FOOTPRINTS ON THE MOON
(HEY) ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ THERE'S FOOTPRINTS ON THE MOON (HEY)
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: GABBY BARRETT,
EVERYBODY!
THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW."
TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUEST WILL BE ELIZABETH BANKS.
JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT.
GOOD NIGHT.