1 00:00:01,201 --> 00:00:04,437 >> FACEBOOK REPORTEDLY IS LOOKING TO REBRAND WITH A 2 00:00:04,504 --> 00:00:05,538 BRAND-NEW NAME. 3 00:00:05,605 --> 00:00:08,174 C.E.O. MARK ZUCKERBERG IS EXPECTED TO DISCUSS THE NAME 4 00:00:08,241 --> 00:00:09,342 CHANGE DURING NEXT WEEK'S "CONNECT" CONFERENCE. 5 00:00:09,409 --> 00:00:12,245 THE NAME WILL REFLECT THE COMPANY'S FOCUS ON BUILDING THE 6 00:00:12,312 --> 00:00:15,749 METAVERSE AND ITS DESIRE TO BE KNOWN AS MORE THAN SOCIAL MEDIA. 7 00:00:15,815 --> 00:00:18,251 THE RE-BRAND COULD ALSO HELP FACEBOOK SEPARATE ITSELF FROM 8 00:00:18,318 --> 00:00:21,187 INTENSE SCRUTINY FOR HOW ITS SOCIAL PLATFORM OPERATES. 9 00:00:21,254 --> 00:00:25,191 ( APPLAUSE ) >> HEY, EVERYONE. 10 00:00:25,258 --> 00:00:33,066 ( APPLAUSE ) IN RECENT YEARS, WE'VE BEEN 11 00:00:33,133 --> 00:00:36,269 CRITICIZED FOR SPREADING MISINFORMATION, PROMOTING HATE, 12 00:00:36,336 --> 00:00:37,670 AND CAUSING BODY IMAGE ISSUES AMONG TEENAGERS, SO WE'RE 13 00:00:37,737 --> 00:00:41,207 FINALLY GOING TO MAKE A CHANGE... 14 00:00:41,274 --> 00:00:42,242 TO OUR NAME ONLY. 15 00:00:42,308 --> 00:00:48,248 ( APPLAUSE ) WHAT WE LEARNED IS WHEN IT COMES 16 00:00:48,314 --> 00:00:53,186 TO CORPORATE BRAND NAMES THAT INSPIRE TRUST, FACEBOOK FINISHES 17 00:00:53,253 --> 00:00:57,190 RIGHT BEHIND SKYNET, THE LEGION OF DOOM, AND PUPPY PUNCHING, 18 00:00:57,257 --> 00:00:59,692 INCORPORATED. 19 00:00:59,759 --> 00:01:01,194 ( APPLAUSE ) WE BRAINSTORMED ALTERNATIVE 20 00:01:01,261 --> 00:01:05,265 NAMES IN ONE OF OUR VIRTUAL METAVERSE WORK SPACES. 21 00:01:05,331 --> 00:01:09,202 SO LET'S HEAR SOME PITCHES FOR NEW NAMES. 22 00:01:09,269 --> 00:01:11,137 NO BAD IDEAS. 23 00:01:11,204 --> 00:01:13,239 >> WHAT IF INSTEAD OF JUST CHANGING THE NAME, WE TOOK A 24 00:01:13,306 --> 00:01:15,809 HARD LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND ASKED OURSELVESES IF THERE ARE 25 00:01:15,875 --> 00:01:17,444 MAYBE SOME SYSTEMIC CHANGES WE COULD MAKE. 26 00:01:17,510 --> 00:01:24,250 ( LAUGHTER ) >> LET'S BREAK FOR LUNCH. 27 00:01:24,317 --> 00:01:25,485 >> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT." 28 00:01:25,552 --> 00:01:33,193 TONIGHT: PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES: 29 00:01:33,259 --> 00:01:41,100 ISSA RAE AND MUSICAL GUEST H.E.R. 30 00:01:41,167 --> 00:01:47,874 FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN. 31 00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:49,175 AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK 32 00:01:49,242 --> 00:01:53,213 CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 33 00:01:54,314 --> 00:02:08,394 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: OH, DELIGHT! 34 00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:08,962 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). 35 00:02:09,028 --> 00:02:12,732 ♪ ♪ ♪ DELIGHTFUL. 36 00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:16,703 GOOD TO SEE YOU. 37 00:02:16,769 --> 00:02:17,203 YES. 38 00:02:17,270 --> 00:02:24,777 HEY! 39 00:02:24,844 --> 00:02:25,278 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 40 00:02:25,345 --> 00:02:26,412 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 41 00:02:26,479 --> 00:02:27,747 HEY, EVERYBODY! 42 00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:30,250 UP THERE. 43 00:02:30,316 --> 00:02:36,256 ♪ ♪ ♪ WELCOME. 44 00:02:36,322 --> 00:02:39,559 >> Audience: STEPHEN! 45 00:02:39,626 --> 00:02:40,093 STEPHEN! 46 00:02:40,159 --> 00:02:40,693 >> Stephen: SOLD OUT. 47 00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:43,196 PACKED HOUSE. 48 00:02:43,263 --> 00:02:45,198 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪ 49 00:02:45,265 --> 00:02:46,533 PLEASE, HAVE A SEAT, EVERYBODY. 50 00:02:46,599 --> 00:02:48,768 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE. 51 00:02:48,835 --> 00:02:52,338 WELCOME, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IN HERE, OUT THERE. 52 00:02:52,405 --> 00:02:54,240 IS I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. 53 00:02:54,307 --> 00:03:00,246 YOU KNOW-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 54 00:03:00,313 --> 00:03:01,881 HUMANS HAVE SPENT MILLENNIA ASKING GOD, "WHY DO BAD THINGS 55 00:03:01,948 --> 00:03:04,884 HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE?" AND I'VE SPENT THE LAST FIVE 56 00:03:04,951 --> 00:03:09,389 YEARS ASKING, "WHY DON'T BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO FORMER WHITE 57 00:03:09,455 --> 00:03:15,828 HOUSE STRATEGIST AND MAN LICKING HIS LIPS, STARING AT A WOUNDED 58 00:03:15,895 --> 00:03:17,363 PIGEON, STEVE BANNON?" WELL, IT IS POSSIBLE, IT IS 59 00:03:17,430 --> 00:03:20,400 POSSIBLE, THAT MY PRAYERS ARE ABOUT TO BE ANSWERED. 60 00:03:20,466 --> 00:03:21,834 BECAUSE BANNON IS ONE OF THE TOP WITNESSES THAT HOUSE 61 00:03:21,901 --> 00:03:23,403 INVESTIGATORS WANT TO TALK TO ABOUT WHO PLANNED THE JANUARY 6 62 00:03:23,469 --> 00:03:25,438 INSURRECTION. 63 00:03:25,505 --> 00:03:27,073 THEY SUBPOENAED HIM, BUT HE REFUSED TO COOPERATE, SO LAST 64 00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:28,875 NIGHT, THE COMMITTEE BROUGHT THE GAVEL DOWN, AND VOTED 65 00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:33,813 UNANIMOUSLY TO RECOMMEND CHARGING BANNON WITH CRIMINA 66 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:36,983 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) CRIMINAL CONTEMPT. 67 00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:40,887 HELL, YEAH! 68 00:03:40,954 --> 00:03:45,825 CRIMINAL CONTEMPT MAKES SENSE, TO ME BECAUSE I FEEL A LOT OF 69 00:03:45,892 --> 00:03:46,593 CONTEMPT FOR THAT CRIMINAL. 70 00:03:46,659 --> 00:03:48,027 NOW, THIS IS A BIG MOMENT. 71 00:03:48,094 --> 00:03:51,297 WHILE 650 MEMBERS OF THE JANUARY 6 MOB HAVE BEEN ARRESTED FOR 72 00:03:51,364 --> 00:03:55,401 STORMING THE CAPITOL, THIS IS THE FIRST TIME WE'VE SEEN ANY 73 00:03:55,468 --> 00:04:02,475 ACCOUNTABILITY FOR ONE OF THE BIG FISH. 74 00:04:02,542 --> 00:04:04,877 OR IN BANNON'S CASE, ONE OF THOSE WEIRD GELATINOUS FISH THAT 75 00:04:04,944 --> 00:04:08,448 LIVE IN ETERNAL DARKNESS WITH SPIKEY TEETH AND A LANTERN BLOB 76 00:04:08,514 --> 00:04:09,816 APRERD GROWING OUT OF HIS FACE. 77 00:04:09,882 --> 00:04:15,221 ( APPLAUSE ) AND IT IS GOING TO FEEL GREAT TO 78 00:04:15,288 --> 00:04:17,824 SEE THESE CONSEQUENCES WHEN THEY HAPPEN. 79 00:04:17,890 --> 00:04:21,327 IF THEY HAPPEN. 80 00:04:21,394 --> 00:04:31,938 AT A DATE TO BE NAMED LATER, BECAUSE, FIRST, THE CONTEMPT 81 00:04:32,005 --> 00:04:34,841 QUESTION WILL GO TO A VOTE IN THE FULL DEMOCRATIC-CONTROLLED 82 00:04:34,907 --> 00:04:37,944 HOUSE. 83 00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:40,980 THE CONTEMPT REPORT WILL THEN BE CERTIFIED BY SPEAKER NANCY 84 00:04:41,047 --> 00:04:43,249 PELOSI TO THE U.S. ATTORNEY FOR THE DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA, AT 85 00:04:43,316 --> 00:04:46,719 WHICH POINT THE DECISION WILL BE IN THE HANDS OF THE DEPARTMENT 86 00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:49,522 OF JUSTICE, WHO WILL EVALUATE THE MATTER BASED ON THE FACTS 87 00:04:49,589 --> 00:04:53,059 AND THE LAW, AND THEN DECIDE WHETHER TO BRING THE CASE TO A 88 00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:54,260 GRAND JURY, WHO WOULD HAVE TO DECIDE WHETHER TO INDICT BANNON, 89 00:04:54,327 --> 00:05:00,066 AT WHICH POINT THE CASE WOULD GO TO FEDERAL DISTRICT COURT IN 90 00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:01,234 D.C. FOR TRIAL... 91 00:05:01,300 --> 00:05:01,668 ( TAKES DEEP BREATH ) WHERE BANNON WOULD BE ABLE TO 92 00:05:01,734 --> 00:05:03,069 DEFEND HIMSELF. 93 00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:06,773 AFTER WHICH, HE MIGHT BE CONVICTED AND FACE A FINE OF 94 00:05:06,839 --> 00:05:08,374 $100 TO $100,000 AND A JAIL SENTENCE OF ONE MONTH TO ONE 95 00:05:08,441 --> 00:05:10,410 YEAR. 96 00:05:10,476 --> 00:05:13,980 BUT THAT PROCESS, EVEN IF BANNON WAS SUCCESSFULLY PROSECUTED AND 97 00:05:14,047 --> 00:05:17,483 JAILED, STILL WOULDN'T FORCE HIM TO DISCLOSE THE INFORMATION. 98 00:05:17,550 --> 00:05:20,386 IN OTHER WORDS: JUSTICE! 99 00:05:20,453 --> 00:05:23,456 IT REMINDS ME OF THAT FAMOUS SCENE FROM "TAKEN": 100 00:05:23,523 --> 00:05:27,360 >> IF YOU LET MY DAUGHTER GO NOW, THAT'LL BE THE END OF IT. I 101 00:05:27,427 --> 00:05:28,394 WILL NOT LOOK FOR YOU. 102 00:05:28,461 --> 00:05:32,398 I WILL NOT PURSUE YOU. 103 00:05:32,465 --> 00:05:40,406 BUT IF YOU DON'T, I WILL LOOK FOR YOU, I WILL FIND YOU, AND I 104 00:05:40,473 --> 00:05:41,607 WILL SERVE YOU A SUBPOENA. 105 00:05:41,674 --> 00:05:43,509 THEN, IF YOU DON'T COMPLY TO THAT, THE COMMITTEE WILL VOTE TO 106 00:05:43,576 --> 00:05:47,513 HOLD YOU IN CONTEMPT OF CONGRESS. 107 00:05:47,580 --> 00:05:48,715 >> THEN YOU KILL ME? 108 00:05:48,781 --> 00:05:52,385 >> NO, ONCE THAT VOTE PASSES, THE HOUSE HAS TO ALSO VOTE TO 109 00:05:52,452 --> 00:05:53,519 HOLD YOU IN CONTEMPT. 110 00:05:53,586 --> 00:05:56,389 THEN ONCE THAT PASSES, WE REFER THE CASE TO THE JUSTICE 111 00:05:56,456 --> 00:05:58,257 DEPARTMENT. 112 00:05:58,324 --> 00:06:00,393 THEN THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT WILL EVALUATE THE MATTER, AND THEY 113 00:06:00,460 --> 00:06:04,363 MAY OR MAY NOT BRING THE CASE TO A GRAND JURY. 114 00:06:04,430 --> 00:06:04,897 >> AND THEN THEY KILL ME? 115 00:06:04,964 --> 00:06:07,834 >> NO! 116 00:06:07,900 --> 00:06:09,969 THEN, IF YOU GET CONVICTED, YOU CAN GET A FINE, OR MAYBE A FEW 117 00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:11,204 MONTHS IN PRISON. 118 00:06:11,270 --> 00:06:11,537 >> THAT'S IT? 119 00:06:11,604 --> 00:06:18,277 >> YES. 120 00:06:18,344 --> 00:06:20,379 >> OKAY, I'M GONNA GO DO MORE CRIMES THEN. 121 00:06:20,446 --> 00:06:23,182 BYEEE! 122 00:06:23,249 --> 00:06:24,383 ( APPLAUSE ) GLD MOVIE. 123 00:06:24,450 --> 00:06:25,318 QUALITY MOVIE. 124 00:06:25,384 --> 00:06:25,918 HE'S SO GOOD. 125 00:06:25,985 --> 00:06:29,489 HE'S SO GOOD. 126 00:06:29,555 --> 00:06:35,495 SOMEBODY'S GOT TO BRING THE HAMMER DOWN, BECAUSE THERE ARE A 127 00:06:35,561 --> 00:06:36,529 LOT OF UPCOMING ELECTIONS. 128 00:06:36,596 --> 00:06:38,965 AND IT WOULD BE NICE IF THEY DIDN'T END IN A RIOT. 129 00:06:39,031 --> 00:06:40,399 FOR INSTANCE-STANCE, THERE'S THE TIGHT RACE FOR GOVERNOR OF 130 00:06:40,466 --> 00:06:42,268 VIRGINIA BETWEEN DEMOCRAT TERRY McAULIFFE AND REPUBLICAN 131 00:06:42,335 --> 00:06:44,403 GLENN YOUNGKIN-- A.K.A., THE TWO MOST BORING UNCLES AT THE FAMILY 132 00:06:44,470 --> 00:06:46,539 REUNION. 133 00:06:46,606 --> 00:06:51,077 BOTH SIDES ARE BRINGING IN THE BIG GUNS-- AND SOME LOOSE 134 00:06:51,144 --> 00:06:53,946 CANNONS, LIKE FORMER NEW YORK MAYOR RUDY GIULIANI, SEEN 135 00:06:54,013 --> 00:06:58,518 HERE ABOUT TO FIGHT STEVE BANNON FOR THAT WOUNDED PIGEON. 136 00:06:58,584 --> 00:07:00,386 ( LAUGHTER ) THIS JUST LAST NIGHT? 137 00:07:00,453 --> 00:07:04,390 LAST NIGHT, RUDY WEIGHED IN WITH AN ATTACK ON TERRY McAULIFFE. 138 00:07:04,457 --> 00:07:08,394 JUST TO PREPARE YOU, RUDY BIZARRELY REFERENCES A 139 00:07:08,461 --> 00:07:16,369 LONG-DEBUNKED EARLY 90s SCANDAL ABOUT THE CLINTONS SUPPOSEDLY 140 00:07:16,435 --> 00:07:17,570 RENTING OUT THE LINCOLN BEDROOM. 141 00:07:17,637 --> 00:07:20,406 AND THAT'S NOT THE WEIRD PART: >> VIRGINIA, VOTE AGAINST THE 142 00:07:20,473 --> 00:07:26,979 MAN WHO DISHONORED OUR PAST BY SELLING MY BEDROOM HUNDREDS AND 143 00:07:27,046 --> 00:07:31,784 HUNDREDS OF TIMES TO SCOUNDRELS IN A PAY-FOR-PLAY SCHEME! 144 00:07:31,851 --> 00:07:35,421 IN MY TIME, WE HAD A NAME FOR MEN WHO SOLD BEDROOMS FOR ONE 145 00:07:35,488 --> 00:07:36,322 NIGHT. 146 00:07:36,389 --> 00:07:40,393 IN YOUR TIME, THE NAME IS TERRY McAULIFFE! 147 00:07:40,459 --> 00:07:44,397 END THE CLINTON SLEAZE ONCE AND FOR ALL! 148 00:07:44,463 --> 00:07:47,500 >> Stephen: THAT IS UNDOUBTEDLY THE WORST THING THAT EVER 149 00:07:47,567 --> 00:07:48,334 HAPPENED TO ABRAHAM LINCOLN. 150 00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:49,502 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 151 00:07:49,569 --> 00:07:51,971 THERE'S-- IT'S UP THERE. 152 00:07:52,038 --> 00:07:53,139 IT'S-- IT'S HIGH UP THERE. 153 00:07:53,206 --> 00:07:55,308 MAYBE NOT-- IT'S ONE OF THE WORST. 154 00:07:55,374 --> 00:08:02,081 >> Jon: HONEST ABE >> Stephen: A LOT TO UNPACK 155 00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:03,149 HERE. 156 00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:04,383 WORKING FROM THE TOP DOWN: THAT'S NOT A LINCOLN HAT. 157 00:08:04,450 --> 00:08:05,585 THAT'S A MAD HATTER HAT. 158 00:08:05,651 --> 00:08:07,053 THOUGH, COMPARED TO RUDY, HE WAS A PRETTY REASONABLE HATTER. 159 00:08:07,119 --> 00:08:10,823 AND I'M NOT SURE IF I CAN PLACE THAT ACCENT. 160 00:08:10,890 --> 00:08:14,260 IT'S EITHER BRITISH, SOUTHERN, OR CABERNET. 161 00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:15,828 ( LAUGHTER ) AND, JIM, PLAY THAT ONE PART 162 00:08:15,895 --> 00:08:17,029 AGAIN. 163 00:08:17,096 --> 00:08:20,399 >> IN MY TIME, WE HAD A NAME FOR MEN WHO SOLD BEDROOMS FOR 164 00:08:20,466 --> 00:08:23,502 ONE NIGHT. 165 00:08:23,569 --> 00:08:24,537 >> Stephen: INNKEEPERS? 166 00:08:24,604 --> 00:08:28,107 ( LAUGHTER ) A BETTER QUESTION MIGHT BE: WHAT 167 00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:29,475 DO YOU CALL SOMEONE WHO RENTS A ROOM FOR ONE HOUR TO "ADJUST 168 00:08:29,542 --> 00:08:32,378 THEIR MICROPHONE?" ( LAUGHTER ) 169 00:08:32,445 --> 00:08:40,386 ( APPLAUSE ) SPEAKING-- 170 00:08:40,453 --> 00:08:46,559 ♪ ♪ ♪ SPEAKING OF NAUGHTY BITS: SOCIAL 171 00:08:46,626 --> 00:08:50,696 MEDIA'S ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE IS CONSTANTLY TRYING TO SORT OUT 172 00:08:50,763 --> 00:08:52,398 WHAT'S ART AND WHAT'S DIRTY. 173 00:08:52,465 --> 00:08:56,402 AND NO CASE ILLUSTRATES THE STRUGGLE BETTER THAN WHEN A 174 00:08:56,469 --> 00:09:01,774 WOMAN RECENTLY POSTED A PHOTO OF THE VENUS OF WILLENDORF, A 175 00:09:01,841 --> 00:09:04,710 30,000-YEAR-OLD STATUE OF A FERTILITY FIGURE. 176 00:09:04,777 --> 00:09:07,780 BUT FACEBOOK RULED THE PICTURE WAS PORNOGRAPHIC AND REMOVED IT. 177 00:09:07,847 --> 00:09:08,948 OH, NO! 178 00:09:09,015 --> 00:09:12,418 NOW WHERE WILL PEOPLE FIND NAKED PICTURES ON THE INTERNET? 179 00:09:12,485 --> 00:09:17,123 ( LAUGHTER ) NOW, KEEN-EYED VIEWERS MAY HAVE 180 00:09:17,189 --> 00:09:23,262 NOTICED THAT CBS IS ACTUALLY MAKING US CENSOR HER, SHALL WE 181 00:09:23,329 --> 00:09:26,499 SAY, WILLENDORF. 182 00:09:26,565 --> 00:09:28,401 AND YOU MIGHT BE SAYING, "SERIOUSLY? 183 00:09:28,467 --> 00:09:32,405 SHE'S 30,000 YEARS OLD." 184 00:09:32,471 --> 00:09:33,673 YES, SO ARE CBS VIEWERS. 185 00:09:33,739 --> 00:09:35,508 FACEBOOK APOLOGIZED, BUT VIENNA'S NATURAL HISTORY MUSEUM, 186 00:09:35,574 --> 00:09:39,745 WHERE THE STATUE RESIDES, WASN'T HAPPY ABOUT THE CENSORSHIP, SO 187 00:09:39,812 --> 00:09:42,515 NOW VIENNA'S TOURISM BOARD IS TRYING A DIFFERENT APPROACH-- 188 00:09:42,581 --> 00:09:47,486 SHOWCASING THE MUSEUM'S ART ON ONLYFANS. 189 00:09:47,553 --> 00:09:51,123 GREAT-- SO NOW WHEN YOU'RE LOOKING AT ART, YOU GOTTA PAY TO 190 00:09:51,190 --> 00:09:52,224 UNLOCK CONTENT. 191 00:09:52,291 --> 00:09:54,694 "SEND ANOTHER $20, AND WE'LL TOUCH MORE THAN FINGERS." 192 00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:56,529 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 193 00:09:56,595 --> 00:10:03,836 APPARENTLY-- APPARENTLY-- ( APPLAUSE ) 194 00:10:03,903 --> 00:10:08,407 APPARENTLY, NOW THAT IT'S OVER ON ONLYFANS, SUBSCRIBERS TO THE 195 00:10:08,474 --> 00:10:12,411 VIENNA TOURISM BOARD'S PAGE CAN CHECK OUT EXPLICIT WORKS. 196 00:10:12,478 --> 00:10:14,547 WHICH IS GREAT FOR ART, BUT REALLY BAD FOR HORNY DUDES WHO 197 00:10:14,613 --> 00:10:17,483 ACCIDENTALLY STUMBLE ON A PICASSO: 198 00:10:17,550 --> 00:10:20,386 "WOW, LOOK AT HER... 199 00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:24,390 I'M GONNA SAY BOOBS? 200 00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:26,726 THAT THE CLUSTER OF TRIANGLES, RIGHT? 201 00:10:26,792 --> 00:10:27,493 THERE'S SEVEN OF THEM? 202 00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:28,461 MAYBE IT'S THE--- NAH, FORGET IT. 203 00:10:28,527 --> 00:10:32,398 I'M GONNA GO LOOK AT SOME GEORGIA O'KEEFE'S." 204 00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:35,501 ( LAUGHTER ) ♪ ♪ ♪ 205 00:10:35,568 --> 00:10:39,271 BUT ART ISN'T THE ONLY THING FACEBOOK IS RUINING. 206 00:10:39,338 --> 00:10:40,940 THEY'RE STILL FACING ACCUSATIONS OF ENDANGERING TEENS, SPREADING 207 00:10:41,007 --> 00:10:44,377 MISINFORMATION, AND DESTROYING DEMOCRACY. 208 00:10:44,443 --> 00:10:50,416 SO THEY'RE DOING THE RIGHT THING: REBRANDING THE COMPANY 209 00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:51,650 WITH A NEW NAME. 210 00:10:51,717 --> 00:10:52,852 BUT THAT NEW NAME IS A CLOSELY GUARDED SECRET THAT'S NOT KNOWN 211 00:10:52,918 --> 00:10:56,389 WIDELY, EVEN AMONG FACEBOOK SENIOR LEADERSHIP. 212 00:10:56,455 --> 00:11:00,026 WELL, THAT'S SURPRISING: FACEBOOK HAS LEADERSHIP? 213 00:11:00,092 --> 00:11:01,060 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 214 00:11:01,127 --> 00:11:04,130 IN CASE THEY HAVEN'T-- IN CASE-- ( APPLAUSE ) 215 00:11:04,196 --> 00:11:08,401 SURE, WHY NOT JUST IN CASE THEY HAVEN'T 216 00:11:08,467 --> 00:11:18,978 SETTLED ON IT YET, WE HERE AT "THE LATE SHOW" CAME UP WITH A 217 00:11:19,045 --> 00:11:20,379 FEW APPROPRIATE NAMES, LIKE PINSURRECTIONIST. 218 00:11:20,446 --> 00:11:21,313 DIKTOK. 219 00:11:21,380 --> 00:11:23,282 AUNT BRENDA'S THREE-PARAGRAPH RANT-A-TORIUM. 220 00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:24,383 ( RUSSIAN ACCENT ) BEST FUN TIMES AMERICA WEBSITE. 221 00:11:24,450 --> 00:11:27,953 AND THE WASHINGTON FOOTBALL TEAM. 222 00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:30,122 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 223 00:11:30,189 --> 00:11:32,391 WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. 224 00:11:32,458 --> 00:11:38,998 MY GUEST IS THE STAR OF HBO'S "INSECURE," ISSA RAE. 225 00:11:39,065 --> 00:11:40,399 BUT WHEN WE RETURN, DID YOU READ YOUR BOOK CLUB BOOK? 226 00:11:40,466 --> 00:11:43,669 THE ANSWER IS NO. 227 00:11:43,736 --> 00:11:44,437 STICK AROUND. 228 00:11:44,503 --> 00:11:50,042 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 229 00:12:09,595 --> 00:12:17,470 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 230 00:12:17,536 --> 00:12:19,171 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! 231 00:12:19,238 --> 00:12:25,111 JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN! 232 00:12:25,177 --> 00:12:32,051 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 233 00:12:32,118 --> 00:12:34,253 JON, JON... 234 00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:40,993 ( APPLAUSE ) JON, I'M SO GLAD-- I'M SO GLAD 235 00:12:41,060 --> 00:12:44,296 YOU GUYS ARE PLAYING SO HOT TONIGHT, BECAUSE IT IS COLD IN 236 00:12:44,363 --> 00:12:45,531 THIS ROOM. 237 00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:47,366 CAN YOU FEEL YOUR FINGERS OVER THERE? 238 00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:49,535 BECAUSE I CAN'T FEEL MY TOE OVERS HERE. 239 00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:53,005 >> Jon: OH, MY GOODNESS, I GOT MY SPACE HEATER, AND IT'S ON 240 00:12:53,072 --> 00:12:53,606 HIGH. 241 00:12:53,672 --> 00:12:54,240 >> Stephen: WAIT A SECOND. 242 00:12:54,306 --> 00:12:56,642 I DON'T HAVE A SPACE HEATER. 243 00:12:56,709 --> 00:12:59,111 WHY DOES JON HAVE A SPACE HEATER AND I DON'T? 244 00:12:59,178 --> 00:13:00,746 HE IS A BIG DEAL, THAT'S RIGHT. 245 00:13:00,813 --> 00:13:04,083 JON IS A BIG DEAL. 246 00:13:04,150 --> 00:13:07,219 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HEY, I GOTTA ASK YOU-- THAT'S 247 00:13:07,286 --> 00:13:07,653 TRUE. 248 00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:08,821 WASN'T THINKING. 249 00:13:08,888 --> 00:13:11,957 JON, I GOTTA ASK YOU, DID YOU HAVE YOUR EYES DILATED THIS 250 00:13:12,024 --> 00:13:12,791 AFTERNOON? 251 00:13:12,858 --> 00:13:16,495 I'M CURIOUS WHY YOU GOT THE SHADES ON. 252 00:13:16,562 --> 00:13:17,396 IT'S INDOORS. 253 00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:19,298 >> Jon: THIS IS MORE FASHION OVER FUNCTION. 254 00:13:19,365 --> 00:13:21,066 IT'S MOOD-ENHANCING SUNGLASSES. 255 00:13:21,133 --> 00:13:23,302 >> Stephen: DID YOU PICK THOSE UP IN PARIS BECAUSE I KNOW YOU 256 00:13:23,369 --> 00:13:24,403 WERE IN PARIS LAST WEEK. 257 00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:25,237 >> Jon: YES, I WAS. 258 00:13:25,304 --> 00:13:27,173 >> Stephen: YOU WERE IN PARIS. 259 00:13:27,239 --> 00:13:30,910 IS THIS A LOOK YOU PICKED UP OVER THERE OR IS THIS A NEW 260 00:13:30,976 --> 00:13:31,677 THING? 261 00:13:31,744 --> 00:13:33,312 >> Jon: I'M TRYING SOMETHING TODAY. 262 00:13:33,379 --> 00:13:36,415 I FELT THE VIBE OF BLUE, AND I FELT SO BLESSED WHEN I WOKE UP, 263 00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:39,051 AND I WANTED TO PUT THIS ON AND TRY IT OUT. 264 00:13:39,118 --> 00:13:41,053 >> Stephen: BLUE IS BLESSED AT THE SAME TIME. 265 00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:43,789 >> Jon: THAT'S HOW I FELT TODAY, NOT EVERY DAY. 266 00:13:43,856 --> 00:13:44,790 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: JON, YOU KNOW, WE 267 00:13:44,857 --> 00:13:49,428 HAVE ISSA RAE ON TONIGHT FROM HBOO'S "INSECURE." 268 00:13:49,495 --> 00:13:51,430 FRIEND OF THE SHOW, BRILTD ACTRESS, SO FUNNY. 269 00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:55,067 >> Jon: COULD RAY IS INCREDIBLE. 270 00:13:55,134 --> 00:14:00,973 >> Stephen: CAN'T WAIT FOR HER TO GET OUT OF HERE. 271 00:14:01,040 --> 00:14:02,575 LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THIS ISN'T A SECRET. 272 00:14:02,641 --> 00:14:06,745 ANYONE WHO KNOWS ME KNOWS I KNOW HOW TO READ. 273 00:14:06,812 --> 00:14:08,147 I'M ALWAYS READING WHENEVER MY CABLE IS OUT AND MY PHONE IS 274 00:14:08,214 --> 00:14:09,615 DEAD AND I CAN'T FIND MY iPAD. 275 00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:12,484 AND I'M IN THE BATHROOM. 276 00:14:12,551 --> 00:14:15,287 DID YOU KNOW THAT HAND SOAP IS LIKE 38% GLYCERIN? 277 00:14:15,354 --> 00:14:16,188 I READ THAT TODAY. 278 00:14:16,255 --> 00:14:18,057 I READ THAT TODAY. 279 00:14:18,123 --> 00:14:19,858 ( LAUGHTER ) YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, 280 00:14:19,925 --> 00:14:20,693 JON. 281 00:14:20,759 --> 00:14:23,195 YOU'RE IN THERE, YOU FORGOT YOUR PHONE. 282 00:14:23,262 --> 00:14:24,496 YOU'RE LIKE I'LL READ ANYTHING. 283 00:14:24,563 --> 00:14:25,297 >> Jon: THAT'S FOR SURE. 284 00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:28,267 >> Stephen: SURE. 285 00:14:28,334 --> 00:14:34,173 WOW, CHARMIN IS MADE IN MINNESOTA. 286 00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:38,310 WELL, FOLKS, FALL IS HERE, AND WITH SO MANY PEOPLE GETTING 287 00:14:38,377 --> 00:14:39,612 VACCINATED, BOOK CLUBS HAVE COME BACK TOGETHER, AND NOW THEY'RE 288 00:14:39,678 --> 00:14:40,813 READY TO GET BACK TOGETHER IN PERSON. 289 00:14:40,879 --> 00:14:47,186 THAT'S RIGHT: AMERICANS CANNOT WAIT TO GET BACK FACE-TO-FACE 290 00:14:47,253 --> 00:14:49,154 PRETENDING TO HAVE READ "THE UNDERGROUND RAILROAD." 291 00:14:49,221 --> 00:14:54,760 I READ IT UPON I LOVED IT. 292 00:14:54,827 --> 00:14:58,831 WHEN THE RAILROAD... AT THE END... GOES UNDERGROUND. 293 00:14:58,897 --> 00:15:02,868 WOW, WHAT A PAYOFF. 294 00:15:02,935 --> 00:15:05,804 UNFORTUNATELY, THIS MEANS THAT YOUR BOOK CLUB IS ABOUT TO MEET 295 00:15:05,871 --> 00:15:07,539 TO DISCUSS THE BOOK YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE READ OVER 296 00:15:07,606 --> 00:15:08,974 THE SUMMER BUT DIDN'T BECAUSE YOU SPENT AUGUST PASSED OUT IN A 297 00:15:09,041 --> 00:15:12,478 KIDDIE POOL FILLED WITH WHITE CLAW. 298 00:15:12,544 --> 00:15:15,614 AND IT SAYS UP HERE THAT I WANT TO HELP. 299 00:15:15,681 --> 00:15:20,052 THAT'S WHY TONIGHT, I'M PROUD TO INTRODUCE MY NEW BOOK CLUB: 300 00:15:20,119 --> 00:15:22,454 STEPHEN COLBERT'S BOOK CLUB FOR PEOPLE WHO WANT TO SOUND LIKE 301 00:15:22,521 --> 00:15:27,626 THEY READ THE BOOK AT THEIR BOOK CLUB. 302 00:15:27,693 --> 00:15:28,861 >> THAT'S TODAY?! 303 00:15:28,927 --> 00:15:36,468 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: WELCOME TO "STEPHEN 304 00:15:36,535 --> 00:15:40,072 COLBERT'S BOOK CLUB FOR PEOPLE WHO WANT TO SOUND LIKE THEY READ 305 00:15:40,139 --> 00:15:45,044 THE BOOK AT THEIR BOOK CLUB," WHERE WE HELP YOU TALK ABOUT THE 306 00:15:45,110 --> 00:15:49,048 BOOKS YOU DIDN'T READ SO YOU CAN FOCUS ON WHAT REALLY MATTERS AT 307 00:15:49,114 --> 00:15:53,052 BOOK CLUB: BOX WINE. 308 00:15:53,118 --> 00:15:56,989 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) MMM. 309 00:15:57,056 --> 00:15:57,690 MMM. 310 00:15:57,756 --> 00:15:59,491 DADDY WANTS SOME CULTURE JUICE. 311 00:15:59,558 --> 00:16:01,060 THERE YOU GO. 312 00:16:01,126 --> 00:16:03,896 MMM. 313 00:16:03,962 --> 00:16:04,396 MMM. 314 00:16:04,463 --> 00:16:05,064 THAT IS NOT A PROP. 315 00:16:05,130 --> 00:16:06,965 OKAY! 316 00:16:07,032 --> 00:16:07,533 MMM. 317 00:16:07,599 --> 00:16:12,705 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). 318 00:16:12,771 --> 00:16:13,572 MMM. 319 00:16:13,639 --> 00:16:15,641 I'M GETTING-- I'M GETTING NOTES OF BOX. 320 00:16:15,708 --> 00:16:25,050 ( LAUGHTER ) OKAY, NOT-READERS, LET'S SAY YOU 321 00:16:25,117 --> 00:16:29,054 FAILED TO READ ONE OF THE HOTTEST BOOK CLUB BOOKS OF THE 322 00:16:29,121 --> 00:16:33,592 SEASON: "AT NIGHT ALL BLOOD IS BLACK," BY DAVID DJIOP. 323 00:16:33,659 --> 00:16:40,199 RIGHT OFF THE START, BRING UP THE BOOK THAT WON THE 2021 324 00:16:40,265 --> 00:16:42,501 INTERNATIONAL BOOKER PRIZE,O WHICH IS JUST LIKE THE AMERICAN 325 00:16:42,568 --> 00:16:45,204 BOOKER PRIZE, BUT THEY CALL IT FOOTBALL. 326 00:16:45,270 --> 00:16:49,041 OKAY, ON THE PLOT TO THE BOOK, I GOT YOUR BACK HERE. 327 00:16:49,108 --> 00:16:54,747 THIS NOVEL TELLS THE STORY OF A SENEGALESE SOLDIER FIGHTIN &-F 328 00:16:54,813 --> 00:16:55,948 I NAMED ALFA NDIAYE. 329 00:16:56,014 --> 00:16:57,449 THAT'S ENOUGH INFORMATION FOR YOU TO MENTION HOW YOU'RE NOT 330 00:16:57,516 --> 00:16:58,717 SURE HOW TO PRONOUNCE THAT NAME, AND LET THE GROUP DEBATE THE 331 00:16:58,784 --> 00:17:07,059 CORRECT PRONUNCIATION OF A SENEGALESE SURNAME. 332 00:17:07,126 --> 00:17:09,628 THEN SIT BACK AND ENJOY YOUR WINE AND THEIR SUBURBAN 333 00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:11,830 DISCOMFORT. 334 00:17:11,897 --> 00:17:12,231 MMM. 335 00:17:12,297 --> 00:17:14,566 MMM. 336 00:17:14,633 --> 00:17:17,069 PROBLEMATIC. 337 00:17:17,136 --> 00:17:21,073 ( LAUGHTER ) HERE'S ANOTHER FOOLPROOF GAMBIT: 338 00:17:21,140 --> 00:17:23,409 BRING UP HOW LITTLE YOU KNOW ABOUT FRANCE'S COLONIAL PAST IN 339 00:17:23,475 --> 00:17:25,077 AFRICA, AND LET YOUR NEIGHBOR MARK TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT, 340 00:17:25,144 --> 00:17:27,079 BECAUSE HE WON'T SHUT UP ABOUT HIS TRIP TO MOROCCO TWO YEARS 341 00:17:27,146 --> 00:17:33,085 AGO. 342 00:17:33,152 --> 00:17:37,089 NO ONE CARES, MARK! 343 00:17:37,156 --> 00:17:40,225 NOW, MAYBE YOUR BOOK CLUB EXPECTED YOU TO READ "A SPECIAL 344 00:17:40,292 --> 00:17:45,097 PLACE FOR WOMEN" BY LAURA HANKIN. 345 00:17:45,164 --> 00:17:53,105 IF YOU BLEW OFF READING IT, HERE'S THE SCOOP-ITY-DOO: THIS 346 00:17:53,172 --> 00:17:55,374 BOOK TELLS THE STORY OF A DARING YOUNG REPORTER WHO INFILTRATES A 347 00:17:55,441 --> 00:17:56,875 FEMALE-RUN SECRET SOCIETY, WHOSE BEWITCHING MEMBERS ARE CAUGHT UP 348 00:17:56,942 --> 00:17:58,210 IN A DARK AND TREACHEROUS BUSINESS. 349 00:17:58,277 --> 00:18:01,079 IF YOU HAVE NOTHING TO SAY, YOU CAN POINT OUT THAT THIS BOOK IS 350 00:18:01,146 --> 00:18:04,716 SET TO BE DEVELOPED AS A SERIES BY PARAMOUNT TELEVISION STUDIOS. 351 00:18:04,783 --> 00:18:16,228 THEN CHANGE THE TOPIC TO THE AMAZING CONTENT AVAILABLE ON 352 00:18:16,295 --> 00:18:25,070 PARAMOUNT+ PARAMOUNT+ -- a MOUNTAIN OF 353 00:18:25,137 --> 00:18:28,240 REASONS YOU NO LONGER READ. 354 00:18:28,307 --> 00:18:33,078 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) OF COURSE, YOUR BOOK CLUB COULD 355 00:18:33,145 --> 00:18:35,047 BE READING "ONE LAST STOP" BY CASEY McQUISTON. 356 00:18:35,113 --> 00:18:37,015 IF YOU HAVE ONE HOUR 'TIL BOOK CLUB STARTS, YOU HAVEN'T READ 357 00:18:37,082 --> 00:18:38,150 IT, AND YOU STILL HAVE TO RUN TO WHOLE FOODS BECAUSE YOU 358 00:18:38,217 --> 00:18:40,319 FORGOT THAT SANDRA IS GLUTEN FREE. 359 00:18:40,385 --> 00:18:42,187 THIS BOOK'S COVER HAS EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW: 360 00:18:42,254 --> 00:18:45,991 LOVERS CAUGHT IN A PERFECT MOMENT, A CATCHY TAGLINE THAT 361 00:18:46,058 --> 00:18:48,560 SAYS, "SOMETIMES LOVE STOPS YOU IN YOUR TRACKS," PLUS AN 362 00:18:48,627 --> 00:18:51,163 ADORABLE ILLUSTRATION OF THE NEW YORK CITY SUBWAY. 363 00:18:51,230 --> 00:18:55,133 IF YOU HAVEN'T READ THIS ONE, IT'S NO PROBLEM! 364 00:18:55,200 --> 00:19:05,444 JUST TALK ABOUT HOW CRAZY THE SUBWAY WAS TODAY. 365 00:19:05,511 --> 00:19:07,112 THE NEXT 20 MINUTES EVERYONE WILL BE CHIMING IN WITH THEIR 366 00:19:07,179 --> 00:19:12,618 OWN PUBLIC MASTURBATOR STORY. 367 00:19:12,684 --> 00:19:13,986 WELL, THAT'S IT FOR "STEPHEN COLBERT'S BOOK CLUB FOR PEOPLE 368 00:19:14,052 --> 00:19:17,990 WHO WANT TO SOUND LIKE THEY READ THE BOOK AT THEIR BOOK CLUB." 369 00:19:18,056 --> 00:19:21,360 AS THEY SAY IN BOOKS: THE END. 370 00:19:21,426 --> 00:19:25,497 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THE STAR OF HBO'S "INSECURE," ISSA 371 00:19:25,564 --> 00:19:26,064 RAE. 372 00:19:51,990 --> 00:19:52,558 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, 373 00:19:52,624 --> 00:19:55,327 WELCOME BACK! 374 00:19:55,394 --> 00:20:00,532 TO "THE LATE SHOW." 375 00:20:00,599 --> 00:20:04,536 FOLKS, MY GUEST TONIGHT IS THE CREATOR AND STAR OF THE EMMY 376 00:20:04,603 --> 00:20:07,306 AWARD-WINNING SHOW "INSECURE," WHICH IS IN ITS FIFTH AND FINAL 377 00:20:07,372 --> 00:20:09,975 SEASON. 378 00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:12,878 >> IS THAT ME? 379 00:20:12,945 --> 00:20:15,447 I FORGOT HOW CUTE I LOOKED WITH TWISTS. 380 00:20:15,514 --> 00:20:17,816 >> NO, BUT THIS NEW LOOK IS WORKING FOR US, TOO. 381 00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:18,617 >> YOU LIKE THIS? 382 00:20:18,684 --> 00:20:21,286 >> WE GOT OUR BRACES OFF. 383 00:20:21,353 --> 00:20:22,554 LET ME SEE THE FEET. 384 00:20:22,621 --> 00:20:25,557 LET ME SEE THE FEET. 385 00:20:25,624 --> 00:20:28,527 SHOW ME HOW YOU EAT! 386 00:20:28,594 --> 00:20:32,731 ARE WE STUPID? 387 00:20:32,798 --> 00:20:33,966 ( LAUGHTER ) SO WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 388 00:20:34,032 --> 00:20:38,103 >> NO, IT'S OUR 10-YEAR REUNION, AND STANFORD ASKED ME TO SPEAK 389 00:20:38,170 --> 00:20:39,071 ON A PANEL. 390 00:20:39,137 --> 00:20:45,777 >> I KNEW WE'D BE A BIG DEAL! 391 00:20:45,844 --> 00:20:46,878 YES! 392 00:20:46,945 --> 00:20:49,014 >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," ISSA RAE! 393 00:20:49,081 --> 00:20:55,320 12340E9 ( APPLAUSE ) 394 00:20:55,387 --> 00:21:03,328 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 395 00:21:03,395 --> 00:21:11,236 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY! 396 00:21:11,303 --> 00:21:13,672 >> OH ( BLEEP )! 397 00:21:13,739 --> 00:21:15,207 >> Stephen: IT'S LOVELY TO HAVE YOU BACK. 398 00:21:15,273 --> 00:21:17,509 NICE TO SEE YOU. 399 00:21:17,576 --> 00:21:19,745 >> GOOD TO SEE YOU, TOO. 400 00:21:19,811 --> 00:21:20,779 IT'S LOVELY TO BE BACK. 401 00:21:20,846 --> 00:21:22,547 THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME AGAIN. 402 00:21:22,614 --> 00:21:23,915 >> Stephen: IT'S A PLEASURE. 403 00:21:23,982 --> 00:21:26,652 AND YOU'RE VERY BRAVE TO WEAR A DRESS LIKE THAT IN A ROOM THIS 404 00:21:26,718 --> 00:21:27,085 COLD. 405 00:21:27,152 --> 00:21:27,953 >> IT'S SO COLD. 406 00:21:28,020 --> 00:21:29,054 I WASN'T GOING TO SAY ANYTHING. 407 00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:32,457 THE AUDIENCE AT HOME DOESN'T KNOW HOW COLD IT IS. 408 00:21:32,524 --> 00:21:34,292 >> Stephen: COLD COMEDY WEATHER. 409 00:21:34,359 --> 00:21:37,095 HEY, WE HAVEN'T TALKED TO YOU SINCE BEFORE COVID. 410 00:21:37,162 --> 00:21:38,230 >> YEAH. 411 00:21:38,296 --> 00:21:40,198 >> Stephen: LAST TIME YOU WERE HERE. 412 00:21:40,265 --> 00:21:42,234 AND CONGRATULATIONS, BRIGHTEDLY, ARE IN ORDER BECAUSE SINCE THE 413 00:21:42,300 --> 00:21:46,972 LAST TIME YOU AND I SPOKE, YOU GOT MARRIED. 414 00:21:47,039 --> 00:21:47,906 THAT'S ABSOLUTELY... 415 00:21:47,973 --> 00:21:49,341 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THAT'S LOVELY. 416 00:21:49,408 --> 00:21:55,313 I DID NOT KNOW-- I DID NOT KNOW, BUT WHAT I LOVE ABOUT THIS IS 417 00:21:55,380 --> 00:21:56,348 THAT NOBODY ANYHOW. 418 00:21:56,415 --> 00:22:02,320 THIS IS HOW YOU ANNOUNCED IT RIGHT HERE, WITH THIS 419 00:22:02,387 --> 00:22:06,258 PHOTOGRAPH, IMPROMPTU PHOTO SHOOT IN A CUSTOM VERA WANG 420 00:22:06,324 --> 00:22:07,459 DRESS. 421 00:22:07,526 --> 00:22:10,796 "MY GIRLS CAME TO HELP ME, BUT THEY COINCIDENTALLY HAD ON THE 422 00:22:10,862 --> 00:22:11,663 SAME DRESS. 423 00:22:11,730 --> 00:22:13,331 THEY WERE SO EMBARRASSED. 424 00:22:13,398 --> 00:22:16,435 THEN I TOOK A FEW PICS WITH SOMEBODY'S HUSBAND. 425 00:22:16,501 --> 00:22:17,969 DID THE GUESTS KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON? 426 00:22:18,036 --> 00:22:19,204 OR WERE THERE GUESTS? 427 00:22:19,271 --> 00:22:21,206 >> THE GUESTS KNEW WHAT WAS GOING ON. 428 00:22:21,273 --> 00:22:24,009 >> Stephen: DID YOUR HUSBAND KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON? 429 00:22:24,076 --> 00:22:26,778 >> I DON'T KNOW WHO THAT GUY WAS. 430 00:22:26,845 --> 00:22:28,080 HE WAS A GREAT SPORT. 431 00:22:28,146 --> 00:22:29,481 YEAH, EVERYBODY KNEW WHAT IT WAS. 432 00:22:29,548 --> 00:22:30,649 >> Stephen: THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL. 433 00:22:30,716 --> 00:22:34,252 IT LOOKS LIKE YOU GOT MARRIED AT THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL. 434 00:22:34,319 --> 00:22:35,220 WHERE DID YOU GET MARRIED? 435 00:22:35,287 --> 00:22:37,622 >> I HAD A PHOTO SHOOT IN THE SOUTH OF FRANCE. 436 00:22:37,689 --> 00:22:38,390 >> Stephen: WHAT! 437 00:22:38,457 --> 00:22:39,891 >> IT WAS REALLY, REALLY BEAUTIFUL. 438 00:22:39,958 --> 00:22:41,093 IT WAS NICE. 439 00:22:41,159 --> 00:22:43,061 >> Stephen: AND YOU FIGURED WHILE I'M DOING A PHOTO SHOOT, I 440 00:22:43,128 --> 00:22:44,463 MIGHT AS WELL GET MARRIED. 441 00:22:44,529 --> 00:22:45,430 >> YEAH, GET HITCHED. 442 00:22:45,497 --> 00:22:46,231 >> Stephen: THAT'S NICE. 443 00:22:46,298 --> 00:22:47,065 >> THANK YOU. 444 00:22:47,132 --> 00:22:47,966 >> Stephen: CONGRATULATIONS. 445 00:22:48,033 --> 00:22:49,668 SO HOW ARE YOU LIKING IT SO FAR? 446 00:22:49,735 --> 00:22:51,069 >> NOTHING HAS REALLY CHANGED. 447 00:22:51,136 --> 00:22:52,938 I'M STILL THE SAME PERSON. 448 00:22:53,004 --> 00:22:54,806 BUT IT'S BEEN-- IT'S BEEN NICE. 449 00:22:54,873 --> 00:22:55,707 I'M REALLY, REALLY HAPPY. 450 00:22:55,774 --> 00:22:57,375 >> Stephen: I'M A FAN OF BEING MARRIED. 451 00:22:57,442 --> 00:22:58,944 I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT. 452 00:22:59,010 --> 00:22:59,745 >> THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 453 00:22:59,811 --> 00:23:01,012 >> Stephen: IT'S WORKED OUT FOR ME. 454 00:23:01,079 --> 00:23:02,214 >> I'M GLAD. 455 00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:03,415 ( APPLAUSE ). 456 00:23:03,482 --> 00:23:06,318 >> Stephen: THE FIFTH SEASON, THE FIFTH SEASON OF "INSECURE" 457 00:23:06,384 --> 00:23:07,252 PREMIERES THIS SUNDAY. 458 00:23:07,319 --> 00:23:08,353 >> YES. 459 00:23:08,420 --> 00:23:12,657 >> Stephen: AND I KNOW MILLIONS OF PEOPLE WRITE AT YOU 460 00:23:12,724 --> 00:23:14,926 ON INSTAGRAM AND TWITTER EVERY WEEK. 461 00:23:14,993 --> 00:23:16,828 THEY WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN. 462 00:23:16,895 --> 00:23:17,763 I'M SURE THEY HAVE SUGGESTIONS. 463 00:23:17,829 --> 00:23:19,030 >> OH, MY GOSH! 464 00:23:19,097 --> 00:23:20,098 GLR IF WHAT SHOULD HAPPEN. 465 00:23:20,165 --> 00:23:21,133 >> ALL THE TIME. 466 00:23:21,199 --> 00:23:23,502 >> Stephen: PEOPLE ARE EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN THE 467 00:23:23,568 --> 00:23:24,703 SHOW. 468 00:23:24,770 --> 00:23:27,439 HOW MUCH PRESSURE DOES THAT PUT ON YOU AS THE CREATOR OF THE 469 00:23:27,506 --> 00:23:31,510 SHOW AND THE PRODUCER OF THE SHOW TO WRAP THINGS UP IN A WAY 470 00:23:31,576 --> 00:23:34,212 THAT'S GOING TO SATISFY EVERYBODY ELSE? 471 00:23:34,279 --> 00:23:35,447 >> OH, THE PRESSURE. 472 00:23:35,514 --> 00:23:37,949 THIS WAS TERRIFYING, YOU KNOW, BECAUSE YOU'RE, LIKE, YOU'RE 473 00:23:38,016 --> 00:23:42,120 ENDING A SHOW, AND PEOPLE ARE GOING TO HAVE THEIR OPINIONS. 474 00:23:42,187 --> 00:23:43,255 >> Stephen: SURE. 475 00:23:43,321 --> 00:23:45,857 YOU'VE DONE SUCH A GOOD JOB OF CARRYING THE SHOW. 476 00:23:45,924 --> 00:23:48,527 IT'S LIKE THIS PRECIOUS THING THAT YOU'VE CARRY FORWARD FOUR 477 00:23:48,593 --> 00:23:48,960 SEASONS NOW. 478 00:23:49,027 --> 00:23:50,028 >> IT HAS BEEN. 479 00:23:50,095 --> 00:23:51,696 >> Stephen: YOU DON'T WANT TO DROP IT IN THE LAST-- 480 00:23:51,763 --> 00:23:52,998 >> YOU DON'T WANT TO DROP IT. 481 00:23:53,064 --> 00:23:58,370 WE'RE ON HBO, WHICH YOU KNOW HAD ANOTHER VERY POPULAR FINALE. 482 00:23:58,436 --> 00:24:01,673 >> Stephen: THAT PEOPLE PERHAPS FELT GOT DROPPED. 483 00:24:01,740 --> 00:24:03,742 >> PEOPLE FELT STRONGLY ABOUT THAT. 484 00:24:03,809 --> 00:24:08,814 AND PEOPLE COME UP TO ME LIKE, "GIRL, I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE 485 00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:09,581 FINAL SEASON. 486 00:24:09,648 --> 00:24:12,584 JUST DON'T 'GAME OF THRONES' IT. 487 00:24:12,651 --> 00:24:15,620 BUT I WILL SAY A SHOUTOUT TO ONE OF OUR WRITERS BECAUSE WE HAD SO 488 00:24:15,687 --> 00:24:20,559 MUCH PRESSURE, AND SHE WAS LIKE-- SHE WAS LIKE, "WE KEEP ON 489 00:24:20,625 --> 00:24:23,495 TELLING OURSELVES TO LAND THE PLANE," AND THESE CHARACTERS 490 00:24:23,562 --> 00:24:25,363 AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE AFTER THIS SHOW. 491 00:24:25,430 --> 00:24:26,798 LIKE, THEY'RE GOING TO LIVE ON. 492 00:24:26,865 --> 00:24:29,267 SO IT'S NOT THAT THE PLANE IS LANDING. 493 00:24:29,334 --> 00:24:31,403 THEY'RE TAKING OFF AND WE'RE JUST JUMPING OUT. 494 00:24:31,469 --> 00:24:35,841 WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF WE WROTE A SEASON SIX, AND THEY'LL FREED 495 00:24:35,907 --> 00:24:36,441 US. 496 00:24:36,508 --> 00:24:37,442 >> Stephen: THAT'S GREAT. 497 00:24:37,509 --> 00:24:38,977 LIKE IN KARATE, THEY SAY PUNCH BEYOND THE BOARD. 498 00:24:39,044 --> 00:24:40,145 >> OH, OKAY. 499 00:24:40,212 --> 00:24:42,447 THAT'S WHAT SHE SHOULD HAVE SAID IN THE FIRST PLACE. 500 00:24:42,514 --> 00:24:43,815 I WOULD HAVE UNDERSTOOD IT BETTER. 501 00:24:43,882 --> 00:24:45,050 WHAT IS SHE TALKING ABOUT. 502 00:24:45,116 --> 00:24:49,020 >> Stephen: I'M SORRY I'M NOT AVAILABLE TO WRITE ON YOUR SHOW. 503 00:24:49,087 --> 00:24:50,355 I APOLOGIZE. 504 00:24:50,422 --> 00:24:52,090 >> YOU'RE BUSY. 505 00:24:52,157 --> 00:24:56,795 >> Stephen: YOUR CHARACTERS CAN DEE HAS CHANGED A LOT, SHE 506 00:24:56,862 --> 00:25:00,232 CHANGED A LOT DURING THE FOUR SEASONS OF SHOW, AND SHE CHANGES 507 00:25:00,298 --> 00:25:03,101 AGAIN I'M SURE, MORE GROWTH IN SEASON FIVE. 508 00:25:03,168 --> 00:25:04,369 WHAT ABOUT YOU? 509 00:25:04,436 --> 00:25:10,242 THIS IS-- I DON'T KNOW IFIDE USE THE TERM "CINDERELLA STORY" BUT 510 00:25:10,308 --> 00:25:16,448 THIS IS YOU COMING OUT OF THE BLOCKS WITH, LIKE A 9500. 511 00:25:16,514 --> 00:25:17,382 PEOPLE WERE BLOWN AWAY. 512 00:25:17,449 --> 00:25:19,484 THIS WAS THE FIRST SHOW YOU CREATED, RIGHT? 513 00:25:19,551 --> 00:25:20,685 >> MY FIRST TV SHOW. 514 00:25:20,752 --> 00:25:22,854 I CAME FROM THE INTERNET -- >> Stephen: I HEARD GOOD 515 00:25:22,921 --> 00:25:23,421 THINGS OVER THERE. 516 00:25:23,488 --> 00:25:24,656 >> THE INTERNET IS OKAY. 517 00:25:24,723 --> 00:25:25,724 IT'S A LITTLE CRAZY. 518 00:25:25,790 --> 00:25:27,259 >> Stephen: MAO HAVE YOU CHANGED? 519 00:25:27,325 --> 00:25:28,560 HOW HAVE YOU GROWN IN THE LAST FIVE YEARS? 520 00:25:28,627 --> 00:25:30,996 >> TO COME OUT AND BE UNCERTAIN AND HAVE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO 521 00:25:31,062 --> 00:25:32,097 MAKE A TV SHOW. 522 00:25:32,163 --> 00:25:35,333 YOU KNOW, I WAS, FOR LACK OF A BETTER WORD, INSECURE. 523 00:25:35,400 --> 00:25:38,536 AND NOW I FEEL LIKE, YOU KNOW, IT'S BEEN FIVE TO SIX YEARS. 524 00:25:38,603 --> 00:25:40,906 I'VE BEEN WORKING WITH SOME AMAZING PEOPLE, SUPPORTIVE 525 00:25:40,972 --> 00:25:44,109 PEOPLE, AND IT'S MADE ME MORE SECURE. 526 00:25:44,175 --> 00:25:48,013 ( LAUGHTER ) NO, BUT, LIKE, IT'S MADE ME MORE 527 00:25:48,079 --> 00:25:50,081 CONFIDENT IN MY PLACE HERE IN HOLLYWOOD. 528 00:25:50,148 --> 00:25:51,917 AND I FEEL LIKE IN SOME WAYS I'M JUST GETTING STARTED. 529 00:25:51,983 --> 00:25:53,485 AND I FEEL CAPABLE. 530 00:25:53,551 --> 00:25:56,955 AND THIS SHOW-- I WOULD NOT FEEL CAPABLE WITHOUT THIS SHOW. 531 00:25:57,022 --> 00:26:02,394 ( APPLAUSE ) THANK YOU! 532 00:26:02,460 --> 00:26:03,295 THIS IS SO POSITIVE. 533 00:26:03,361 --> 00:26:04,896 >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK. 534 00:26:04,963 --> 00:26:06,064 BUT DON'T GO ANYWHERE. 535 00:26:06,131 --> 00:26:09,234 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE ISSA RAE. 536 00:26:09,301 --> 00:26:09,901 STICK AROUND. 537 00:26:09,968 --> 00:26:10,969 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 538 00:26:18,510 --> 00:26:21,813 WELCOME BACK. 539 00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:26,918 WE'RE HERE WITH THE STAR OF HBO'S "INSECURE," ISSA RAE. 540 00:26:26,985 --> 00:26:29,621 HAVE YOU HAD AN OPPORTUNITY TO ENJOY YOUR SUCCESS? 541 00:26:29,688 --> 00:26:33,625 BECAUSE TO BE THIS SUCCESSFUL YOU HAVE TO WORK VERY HARD, KNOW 542 00:26:33,692 --> 00:26:35,460 VERY FOCUSED, VERY DEDICATED. 543 00:26:35,527 --> 00:26:37,395 AND SOMETIMES PEOPLE DON'T TAKE THE TIME OR DON'T REALLY HAVE 544 00:26:37,462 --> 00:26:40,332 THE TIME-- IT'S NOT LIKE THEY DENY IT TO THEMSELVES. 545 00:26:40,398 --> 00:26:42,467 THEY JUST DON'T HAVE THE TIME TO APPRECIATE WHAT HAS HAPPENED IN 546 00:26:42,534 --> 00:26:45,303 THEIR LIFE AND THEIR CAREER AND TO SEE THESE DREAMS COMING TRUE. 547 00:26:45,370 --> 00:26:47,272 HAVE YOU HAD A CHANCE TO ENJOY IT? 548 00:26:47,339 --> 00:26:49,307 >> I MEAN, I DEFINITELY ENJOY IT. 549 00:26:49,374 --> 00:26:50,842 I LOVE TO THROW PARTIES. 550 00:26:50,909 --> 00:26:52,777 I'M A BIG YACHT PARTY PERSON. 551 00:26:52,844 --> 00:26:53,578 >> Stephen: OH! 552 00:26:53,645 --> 00:26:54,546 WOW. 553 00:26:54,612 --> 00:26:56,047 >> A LITTLE PARTY ON A BOAT FROM TIME TO TIME. 554 00:26:56,114 --> 00:26:56,648 YOU'RE INVITED. 555 00:26:56,715 --> 00:26:58,049 >> Stephen: I OWN SANDALS. 556 00:26:58,116 --> 00:27:00,385 >> YOU OWN SANDALS? 557 00:27:00,452 --> 00:27:01,619 THOSE AREN'T REALLY BOATS. 558 00:27:01,686 --> 00:27:02,921 >> Stephen: I HAVE BOAT SHOES. 559 00:27:02,988 --> 00:27:04,322 >> BRING YOUR BOAT SHOES. 560 00:27:04,389 --> 00:27:05,724 GET READY TO DANCE. 561 00:27:05,790 --> 00:27:08,827 AND I ALSO HEAR THAT YOU SING, SO -- 562 00:27:08,893 --> 00:27:10,028 >> Stephen: I ENJOY SINGING. 563 00:27:10,095 --> 00:27:12,764 I DON'T KNOW IF I SING, BUT I ENJOY IT. 564 00:27:12,831 --> 00:27:13,598 DO YOU SING? 565 00:27:13,665 --> 00:27:14,733 DO YOU ENJOY SINGING? 566 00:27:14,799 --> 00:27:19,704 >> I'M A TERRIBLE SINGER, BUT I ENJOY SINGING TERRIBLY. 567 00:27:19,771 --> 00:27:20,739 YOU. 568 00:27:20,805 --> 00:27:22,607 >> Stephen: YOU WOULD FIT RIGHT IN WITH MY FAMILY. 569 00:27:22,674 --> 00:27:27,479 WE'RE NOT THAT GOOD BUT KATIE BAR THE DOOR AT THE END OF A 570 00:27:27,545 --> 00:27:28,146 WEDDING. 571 00:27:28,213 --> 00:27:30,949 >> WHAT, SHE BARRED THE DOOR. 572 00:27:31,016 --> 00:27:33,818 >> Stephen: "KATIE BAR THE DOOR." 573 00:27:33,885 --> 00:27:35,086 YOU NEVER HEARD THAT TERM? 574 00:27:35,153 --> 00:27:36,321 >> NO. 575 00:27:36,388 --> 00:27:39,024 >> Stephen: THAT MEANS THERE'S GOING TO BE A DONNYBROOK, A FIST 576 00:27:39,090 --> 00:27:40,091 CUFFS, A DONNYBROOK. 577 00:27:40,158 --> 00:27:43,328 A LITTLE OF THE OLD JACK JOHNSON. 578 00:27:43,395 --> 00:27:48,233 KATIE BAR THE DOOR MEANS, "HONEY, LOCK THE DOOR, I'M GOING 579 00:27:48,299 --> 00:27:49,701 TO KICK EVERYBODY'S ASS. 580 00:27:49,768 --> 00:27:50,635 KATIE, BAR THE DOOR. 581 00:27:50,702 --> 00:27:52,037 WE'RE GOING TO FIGHT. 582 00:27:52,103 --> 00:27:53,204 THAT'S WHAT THAT MEANS. 583 00:27:53,271 --> 00:27:54,839 DOES THAT MAKE SENSE TO YOU NOW. 584 00:27:54,906 --> 00:27:56,775 IT'S AN OLD IRISH EXPRESSION. 585 00:27:56,841 --> 00:27:57,409 I'M IRISH. 586 00:27:57,475 --> 00:27:58,043 I'M IRISH. 587 00:27:58,109 --> 00:27:59,044 YEAH, YEAH. 588 00:27:59,110 --> 00:28:01,246 KATIE BAR THE DOOR. 589 00:28:01,312 --> 00:28:02,881 MY FAMILY LOVES TO SING LOUDLY. 590 00:28:02,947 --> 00:28:05,016 WE DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE LYRICS. 591 00:28:05,083 --> 00:28:08,787 WE'RE JUST GOING TO-- WE'RE JUST-- 592 00:28:08,853 --> 00:28:11,322 ( LAUGHTER ) >> I LOVE THAT. 593 00:28:11,389 --> 00:28:12,057 >> Stephen: JUST LOUD. 594 00:28:12,123 --> 00:28:12,791 >> I LOVE IT. 595 00:28:12,857 --> 00:28:13,792 >> Stephen: WE'RE JUST LOUD. 596 00:28:13,858 --> 00:28:14,859 >> I EMBRACE IT. 597 00:28:14,926 --> 00:28:17,429 >> Stephen: YOU ARE BUILDING AN EMPIRE HERE. 598 00:28:17,495 --> 00:28:18,730 NOT JUST A SHOW. 599 00:28:18,797 --> 00:28:20,131 YOU OWN TWO CAFES. 600 00:28:20,198 --> 00:28:24,035 YOU HAVE A BLUTEY LINE CALLED... 601 00:28:24,102 --> 00:28:25,070 >> SIERRA NATURAL S. 602 00:28:25,136 --> 00:28:26,171 >> Stephen: A MANAGEMENT AND PRODUCTION COMPANY. 603 00:28:26,237 --> 00:28:28,773 WHO ARE YOU GUNNING FOR? 604 00:28:28,840 --> 00:28:29,340 OPRAH? 605 00:28:29,407 --> 00:28:30,942 WHO ARE YOU TAKING DOWN. 606 00:28:31,009 --> 00:28:31,810 GWYNETH? 607 00:28:31,876 --> 00:28:33,812 >> I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE GWYNETH DOWN. 608 00:28:33,878 --> 00:28:35,313 >> Stephen: SURE, KATIE BAR THE DOOR. 609 00:28:35,380 --> 00:28:38,183 >> KATIE BAR THE DOOR. 610 00:28:38,249 --> 00:28:39,918 GWYNETH, BAR THE DOOR, GIRL. 611 00:28:39,984 --> 00:28:45,457 >> Stephen: WE SAW EARLIER, ONE OF THE THEMES OF "INSECURE" 612 00:28:45,523 --> 00:28:49,761 IS ISSA DEE HYPING HERSELF UP FOR HER DAY, WHATEVER SHE NEEDS 613 00:28:49,828 --> 00:28:50,228 TO DO. 614 00:28:50,295 --> 00:28:51,396 >> IN THE MIRROR. 615 00:28:51,463 --> 00:28:53,331 >> Stephen: LISTEN, I HAVE A SHOW I HAVE TO HIT EVERY DAY, 616 00:28:53,398 --> 00:28:55,500 CAN YOU HELP ME HYPE UP? 617 00:28:55,567 --> 00:28:59,404 DO YOU HAVE ANY VICE HOW I CAN BE MY OWN HYPE MAN BEFORE THE 618 00:28:59,471 --> 00:29:00,538 SHOW? 619 00:29:00,605 --> 00:29:02,540 >> YOU HAVE TO GO INTO THE BATHROOM OR WHATEVER MIRROR -- 620 00:29:02,607 --> 00:29:04,342 >> Stephen: THERE ARE MIRRORS EVERYWHERE. 621 00:29:04,409 --> 00:29:05,844 >> AS THERE SHOULD BE. 622 00:29:05,910 --> 00:29:07,345 YOU'RE A GREAT MAN TO LOOK AT. 623 00:29:07,412 --> 00:29:10,048 I THINK YOU SHOULD TELL YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR, "HEY, DO YOU KNOW 624 00:29:10,115 --> 00:29:13,985 WHO I AM?" >> Stephen: DO YOU KNOW WHO I 625 00:29:14,052 --> 00:29:14,719 AM? 626 00:29:14,786 --> 00:29:15,854 >> I'M THE BOSSIEST MAN ON EARTH. 627 00:29:15,920 --> 00:29:17,188 >> Stephen: I'M THE BOSSIEST MAN ON EARTH. 628 00:29:17,255 --> 00:29:19,591 >> YOU SHOULD BE LUCKY TO BE IN A ROOM WITH ME. 629 00:29:19,657 --> 00:29:21,559 >> Stephen: YOU SHOULD BE LUCKY TO BE IN A ROOM WITH ME. 630 00:29:21,626 --> 00:29:23,094 >> OH, I AM. 631 00:29:23,161 --> 00:29:24,295 I'M VERY LUCKY RIGHT NOW. 632 00:29:24,362 --> 00:29:25,663 GO OUT THERE AND KILL THAT! 633 00:29:25,730 --> 00:29:26,764 >> Stephen: YOU DO IT! 634 00:29:26,831 --> 00:29:28,533 STAY ON TOP OF YOUR GAME? 635 00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:29,033 YOU DOMINATE! 636 00:29:29,100 --> 00:29:32,770 YOU SWEEP THE LAKE! 637 00:29:32,837 --> 00:29:37,142 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> I BELIEVE YOU. 638 00:29:37,208 --> 00:29:37,542 WOOO! 639 00:29:37,609 --> 00:29:39,677 I BELIEVE YOU! 640 00:29:39,744 --> 00:29:42,680 >> Stephen: ISSA, IT'S SO LOVELY TO SEE YOU. 641 00:29:42,747 --> 00:29:44,249 CONGRATULATIONS ON THE EXTRAORDINARY SUCCESS OF YOUR 642 00:29:44,315 --> 00:29:44,649 SHOW. 643 00:29:44,716 --> 00:29:45,617 >> THANK YOU. 644 00:29:45,683 --> 00:29:49,988 >> Stephen: AND GOOD LUCK ON THE FIFTH SEASON. 645 00:29:50,054 --> 00:29:51,456 AND DON'T PUNCH THROUGH THAT BOARD. 646 00:29:51,523 --> 00:29:54,993 >> I WILL CRASH THE PLANE BEFORE I LAND IT. 647 00:29:55,059 --> 00:29:56,060 >> Stephen: SEASON FIVE OF "INSECURE" PREMIERES THIS 648 00:29:56,127 --> 00:29:56,761 SUNDAY ON HBO. 649 00:29:56,828 --> 00:29:57,929 ISSA RAE, EVERYBODY! 650 00:29:57,996 --> 00:30:00,498 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MY FAVORITE "LATE SHOW" HALLOWEEN 651 00:30:00,565 --> 00:30:01,266 TRADITION. 652 00:30:01,332 --> 00:30:03,001 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 653 00:30:24,522 --> 00:30:29,060 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 654 00:30:29,127 --> 00:30:39,103 >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WELCOME BACK! 655 00:30:39,170 --> 00:30:45,109 THERE'S A CRISPNESS IN THE AIR, LEAVES ARE FALLING, HALLOWEEN IS 656 00:30:45,176 --> 00:30:47,879 ALMOST HERE. 657 00:30:47,946 --> 00:30:49,847 THIS YEAR, THERE ARE ALL KINDS OF SPOOKY CHARACTERS YOU CAN 658 00:30:49,914 --> 00:30:50,415 DRESS UP AS, FROM TERRIFYING MASKED MANIACS TO TERRIFYING 659 00:30:50,481 --> 00:30:51,683 ANTI-MASK MANIACS. 660 00:30:51,749 --> 00:30:53,651 IN FACT, THERE'S ONLY ONE THING THAT CAN MAKE HALLOWEEN BETTER: 661 00:30:53,718 --> 00:30:58,423 MORE HOLIDAY-THEMED NOVELTY SONGS. 662 00:30:58,489 --> 00:31:02,393 FOR DECADES, ALL WE'VE HAD WAS "THE MONSTER MASH," WHICH IS 663 00:31:02,460 --> 00:31:05,663 A GREAT SONG, BESIDES THE FACT THAT IT'S NOT GREAT AND 664 00:31:05,730 --> 00:31:09,667 IS BARELY A SONG. 665 00:31:09,734 --> 00:31:11,669 THAT'S WHY, JUST A FEW YEARS BACK, WE AT "THE LATE SHOW" 666 00:31:11,736 --> 00:31:17,675 PARTNERED WITH OUR FRIENDS RUN THE JEWELS TO CREATE OUR OWN 667 00:31:17,742 --> 00:31:19,110 HOLIDAY DITTY: "THE HALLOWEEN WIGGLE." 668 00:31:19,177 --> 00:31:20,378 MY GOAL WAS TO CREATE A NEW HALLOWEEN CLASSIC THAT YOU'D 669 00:31:20,445 --> 00:31:25,283 HEAR PLAYING EVERY YEAR AROUND THIS TIME. 670 00:31:25,350 --> 00:31:26,551 AND, FOLKS, MY DREAM CAME TRUE, BECAUSE EVERY YEAR, I REPLAY IT. 671 00:31:26,618 --> 00:31:30,421 JIM? 672 00:31:30,488 --> 00:31:33,024 >> ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR. 673 00:31:33,091 --> 00:31:35,693 ♪ THE MOON WAS FULL IT WAS LATE AT NIGHT 674 00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:40,231 ♪ I COULD FEEL IN MY BONES SOMETHING WASN'T QUITE RIGHT 675 00:31:40,298 --> 00:31:42,033 ♪ I WALKED DOWNSTAIRS AND I OPENED THE DOOR 676 00:31:42,100 --> 00:31:48,906 ♪ AND WHAT I SAW SENT MY JAW TO THE FLOOR 677 00:31:48,973 --> 00:31:52,410 ♪ AT FIRST I WAS SCARED THEN I STARTED TO GIGGLE 678 00:31:52,477 --> 00:31:55,113 ♪ BECAUSE I SAW DRACULA DO THE HALLOWEEN WIGGLE 679 00:31:55,179 --> 00:31:56,914 ♪ THIS AIN'T YOUR DADDY'S MONSTER MASH 680 00:31:56,981 --> 00:32:02,186 RUN THE JEWELS, RUN THE JEWELS ♪ HEY, IT'S A GRAVEYARD SMASH 681 00:32:02,253 --> 00:32:08,192 DROP THE PUMPKIN DOWN LOW AND MAKE MY FUN-SIZE STICKY 682 00:32:08,259 --> 00:32:10,094 ♪ I'M ABOUT TO FIND OUT IF YOU ARE A TREATY OR A TRICKY 683 00:32:10,161 --> 00:32:12,130 ♪ SPREAD YOUR COBWEBS AND ARCH YOUR BACK 684 00:32:12,196 --> 00:32:14,065 ♪ AND I'M GONNA STICK MY HAND DOWN YOUR CANDY SACK 685 00:32:14,132 --> 00:32:16,000 ♪ SHAKE YOUR MONEY MAKER LIKE A UNICEF BOX 686 00:32:16,067 --> 00:32:17,902 ♪ DON'T GOT A CONDOM, USE A SUPERGIRL SOCKS 687 00:32:17,969 --> 00:32:20,204 ♪ HALLOWEEN AIN'T HOLLOW WHEN IT DON'T RUN SHALLOW 688 00:32:20,271 --> 00:32:22,173 ♪ MAKE YOU BITE ON YOUR PILLOW LIKE IT'S A MARSHMALLOW 689 00:32:22,240 --> 00:32:24,909 >> Stephen: WELL, THAT'S ONE WAY TO WIGGLE BUT... 690 00:32:24,976 --> 00:32:27,879 ♪ LISTEN UP CLOSE THERE'S A CREEPY KIND OF WIGGLE 691 00:32:27,945 --> 00:32:31,215 THAT I DIG THE MOST ♪ YOU JUST STRETCH YOUR 692 00:32:31,282 --> 00:32:34,252 BAT WINGS AND MAKE THEM FLAP ♪ AND DON'T FORGET TO DO THE 693 00:32:34,319 --> 00:32:36,688 SKELETON CLAP ♪ MAKE YA PUMPKIN CLAP 694 00:32:36,754 --> 00:32:38,189 MAKE THE CANDELABRA FLICKER I'MA HAUNT YOU SO HARD 695 00:32:38,256 --> 00:32:43,695 WITH MY UNWRAPPED SNICKERS ♪ STICK MY FACE IN THE CANDY BAR 696 00:32:43,761 --> 00:32:45,129 TURN YOU AROUND LICK YOUR HERSHEY ( BLEEP ) 697 00:32:45,196 --> 00:32:52,470 ( LAUGHTER ) ♪ HAY RIDES ARE FUN 698 00:32:52,537 --> 00:32:56,040 IF YOU BRING YOUR GANG ♪ JUST BEWARE OF CASPER 699 00:32:56,107 --> 00:32:59,043 AND HIS SPOOKY-OOKY CHAIN ♪ KEEP YOUR EYES PEELED 700 00:32:59,110 --> 00:33:00,912 FOR GHOULS AND GHOSTS ♪ OH, HALLOWEEN'S A TREAT 701 00:33:00,978 --> 00:33:04,916 AND I DIG IT THE MOST ♪ TAKE IT TO THE GRAVEYARD LIKE 702 00:33:04,982 --> 00:33:06,884 A DEAD-ASS SNITCH. 703 00:33:06,951 --> 00:33:08,219 YOU'LL BE ON MY BROOMSTICK LIKE A TRICK-ASS WITCH 704 00:33:08,286 --> 00:33:11,122 ♪ THEN I BRING OVER MY SKELETON CREW 705 00:33:11,189 --> 00:33:13,057 ♪ AND YOU CAN RIDE OUR BONES UNTIL YOU SCREAM AND BOO 706 00:33:13,124 --> 00:33:15,960 ♪ GONNA GIVE YOU A TREAT 'CAUSE YOU'RE MY TRICK 707 00:33:16,027 --> 00:33:18,996 ♪ YOU DRESS LIKE A WITCH I PROVIDE THE BROOMSTICK 708 00:33:19,063 --> 00:33:20,932 ♪ SHAKE YOUR REESE'S CUPS LIKE YOU NEED THE CASH 709 00:33:20,998 --> 00:33:24,435 ♪ THEN I'LL HIT THAT ( BLEEP ) LIKE IT'S A GRAVEYARD SMASH 710 00:33:24,502 --> 00:33:26,204 ♪ TRICK-OR-TREATING IS ABOUT AS MUCH FUN AS YOU CAN GET 711 00:33:26,270 --> 00:33:30,241 ♪ I'M GOING TO WHIP OUT MY MONSTER MAKE YOU ( BLEEP ) 712 00:33:30,308 --> 00:33:32,076 ♪ AND WE'RE STILL WIGGLING IT'S THE HALLOWEEN WIGGLE 713 00:33:32,143 --> 00:33:34,545 ♪ YEAH, MAKE THEM CANDY APPLES JIGGLE, GIRL 714 00:33:34,612 --> 00:33:37,048 ♪ JIGGLE, JIGGLE, GIRL JIGGLE, JIGGLE, GIRL 715 00:33:37,115 --> 00:33:40,918 ♪ JUST TO BE CLEAR WE'RE TALKING ABOUT FRUIT 716 00:33:40,985 --> 00:33:44,188 ♪ BUT NOW THE PARTY'S OVER AND IT'S TIME TO SCOOT 717 00:33:44,255 --> 00:33:48,092 ♪ SO GO HOME, GUYS PUT SOME CANDLES ON 718 00:33:48,159 --> 00:33:52,063 ♪ AND JACK YOUR LANDERN TILL THE BREAK OF DAWN ♪ 719 00:33:52,130 --> 00:33:54,198 >> DUDE, KIDS ARE WATCHING. 720 00:33:54,265 --> 00:33:57,268 >> Stephen: HE SAID HERSHEY (BLEEP)! 721 00:33:57,335 --> 00:33:57,902 YOU SAID HERSHEY (BLEEP)! 722 00:33:57,969 --> 00:34:02,206 YOU WERE LAUGHING ABOUT IT. 723 00:34:02,273 --> 00:34:03,508 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 724 00:34:03,574 --> 00:34:06,210 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK 725 00:34:06,277 --> 00:34:06,811 WITH A PERFORMANCE BY H.E.R. 726 00:34:06,878 --> 00:34:07,345 STICK AROUND! 727 00:34:13,084 --> 00:34:17,422 >> DO CONSERVATIVE FANS SCOLD YOU TO STOP FORCING YOUR LIBERAL 728 00:34:17,488 --> 00:34:21,926 VIEWS ON THEM SO THEY CAN ENJOY THEIR APOLITICAL MOVIES ABOUT 729 00:34:21,993 --> 00:34:24,328 OPPRESSED PEOPLES REBELGRADE AGAINST THE FASCIST EMPIRE? 730 00:34:24,395 --> 00:34:27,165 >> WELL, I COULDN'T HAVE SAID IT BETTER MYSELF. 731 00:34:27,231 --> 00:34:29,934 YES, THEY-- I DO GET BLOWBACK. 732 00:34:30,001 --> 00:34:35,139 EVERYONE, LIKE I SAY, HAS AN OPINION, AND I CERTAINLY HAVE 733 00:34:35,206 --> 00:34:39,777 GOTTEN SOME SCORCHED RESPONSES TO SOME OF MY TWEETS. 734 00:34:39,844 --> 00:34:47,418 BUT I-- I TRY AND KEEP IT IN PERSPECTIVE AND IGNORE THE 735 00:34:47,485 --> 00:34:50,822 REPLIEZ, IF THEY'RE TOO... 736 00:34:50,888 --> 00:34:51,956 TOO-- TOO HATEFUL. 737 00:34:52,023 --> 00:34:55,226 >> IT MUST BE SO HARD FOR CONSERVATIVES TO ENJOY MARK'S 738 00:34:55,293 --> 00:34:57,995 WHOLESOME FAMILY FILMS WHERE HE MAKES OUT WITH HIS SISTER AND 739 00:34:58,062 --> 00:34:59,197 KILLS HIS DAD. 740 00:35:13,945 --> 00:35:17,582 GUEST IS AN ACADEMY AWARD AND MULTI-GRAMMY WINNING ARTIST. 741 00:35:17,648 --> 00:35:20,885 HERE TO PERFORM "FOR ANYONE" FROM HER ALBUM, "BACK OF MY 742 00:35:20,952 --> 00:35:21,586 MIND," H.E.R. 743 00:35:21,652 --> 00:35:25,590 ( APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪ 744 00:35:25,656 --> 00:35:35,633 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ LOOKING FOR YOUR SOUND IN 745 00:35:35,700 --> 00:35:41,606 ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ LOOKING FOR YOUR SOUND IN 746 00:35:41,672 --> 00:35:49,780 SOMEONE ELSE'S HOUSE ♪ BUT NO ONE SINGS THE SAME WAY 747 00:35:49,847 --> 00:35:56,888 I LOOK FOR PEACE OF MIND IN ♪ SOMEONE ELSE'S EYES 748 00:35:56,954 --> 00:36:05,596 GUESS LOVE IS REALLY BLINDING ME ♪ AND I CAN'T FIND 749 00:36:05,663 --> 00:36:13,604 A REASON TO REPLACE THE FEELING ♪ THAT YOU LEFT BEHIND 750 00:36:13,671 --> 00:36:20,878 I TRIED, I TRIED ♪ I WISH I COULD TELL YOU 751 00:36:20,945 --> 00:36:26,884 I DON'T WANNA BE WITH SOMEBODY ♪ ELSE NEW 752 00:36:26,951 --> 00:36:37,595 HONESTLY, I WISH I NEVER MET YOU ♪ 'CAUSE YOU LEFT ME BROKEN 753 00:36:37,662 --> 00:36:49,574 NOW MY HEART WON'T OPEN FOR ♪ ANYONE 754 00:36:49,640 --> 00:36:53,611 REMEMBERING THE TIMES WHEN YOU ♪ AND I WOULD HIDE 755 00:36:53,678 --> 00:37:01,586 NO ONE ELSE WOULD FIND THAT ♪ FUNNY 756 00:37:01,652 --> 00:37:07,925 AND ONLY YOU WOULD KNOW ♪ I'M BETTER WITH YOU AND IT 757 00:37:07,992 --> 00:37:14,865 SHOWS ♪ BECAUSE THE WAY YOU LOVED ME 758 00:37:14,932 --> 00:37:20,871 AND I CAN'T FIND ♪ A REASON TO REPLACE THE 759 00:37:20,938 --> 00:37:29,580 FEELING THAT YOU LEFT BEHIND ♪ I TRIED, I TRIED 760 00:37:29,647 --> 00:37:37,588 I WISH I COULD TELL YOU ♪ I DON'T WANNA BE WITH SOMEBODY 761 00:37:37,655 --> 00:37:44,862 ELSE, NEW ♪ HONESTLY, I WISH I NEVER MET 762 00:37:44,929 --> 00:37:50,868 YOU ♪ 'CAUSE YOU LEFT ME BROKEN 763 00:37:50,935 --> 00:38:01,612 NOW MY HEART WON'T OPEN FOR ♪ ANYONE, NO (NO, NO) 764 00:38:01,679 --> 00:38:13,157 ANYONE BUT YOU (OH, NO) ♪ FOR ANYONE BUT YOU 765 00:38:13,224 --> 00:38:20,865 FOR ANYONE ♪ AND I CAN'T FIND, OOH-OOH, 766 00:38:20,931 --> 00:38:32,877 OOH-OOH ♪ AND I CAN'T FIND, 767 00:38:32,943 --> 00:38:38,883 OH, OH, OOH, WOAH ♪ AND I CAN'T FIND 768 00:38:38,949 --> 00:38:49,160 OH, OOH-OOH ♪ I CAN'T FIND, 769 00:38:49,226 --> 00:39:01,605 OH, OH, WOAH ♪ I CAN'T FIND ANYONE, OH, OH 770 00:39:01,672 --> 00:39:08,879 I CAN'T FIND ANYONE ♪ I CAN'T FIND 771 00:39:08,946 --> 00:39:20,858 ANYONE ♪ ♪ ♪ 772 00:39:20,925 --> 00:39:25,596 ANYONE ♪ ♪ ♪ 773 00:39:25,663 --> 00:39:29,767 ANYONE ♪ ♪ ♪ 774 00:39:29,834 --> 00:39:43,047 ♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 775 00:39:43,114 --> 00:39:44,882 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: THANK YOU. 776 00:39:44,949 --> 00:39:45,449 JUST BEAUTIFUL. 777 00:39:45,516 --> 00:39:50,921 THANK YOU SO MUCH. 778 00:39:50,988 --> 00:39:52,823 H.E.R., EVERYBODY. 779 00:39:52,890 --> 00:39:54,125 THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW." 780 00:39:54,191 --> 00:39:59,063 TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS WILL BE THE STARS OF "DUNE," 781 00:39:59,130 --> 00:39:59,663 TIMOTHEE CHALAMET AND ZENDAYA. 782 00:39:59,730 --> 00:40:01,432 JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT. 783 00:40:01,499 --> 00:40:03,100 GOOD NIGHT. 784 00:40:19,750 --> 00:40:23,387 >> Stephen: HELLO! 785 00:40:23,454 --> 00:40:25,856 IS THAT LITERALLY SOMEONE MOVING IT, OR WHAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE 786 00:40:25,923 --> 00:40:31,262 HAPPENING HERE? 787 00:40:31,328 --> 00:40:36,467 I-- I NO LONGER REPRESENT WHAT THE ALGORITHM CONSIDERS A HUMAN 788 00:40:36,534 --> 00:40:36,967 FACE. 789 00:40:37,034 --> 00:40:38,002 ( LAUGHTER )