>> FACEBOOK REPORTEDLY IS LOOKING TO REBRAND WITH A
BRAND-NEW NAME.
C.E.O. MARK ZUCKERBERG IS EXPECTED TO DISCUSS THE NAME
CHANGE DURING NEXT WEEK'S "CONNECT" CONFERENCE.
THE NAME WILL REFLECT THE COMPANY'S FOCUS ON BUILDING THE
METAVERSE AND ITS DESIRE TO BE KNOWN AS MORE THAN SOCIAL MEDIA.
THE RE-BRAND COULD ALSO HELP FACEBOOK SEPARATE ITSELF FROM
INTENSE SCRUTINY FOR HOW ITS SOCIAL PLATFORM OPERATES.
( APPLAUSE ) >> HEY, EVERYONE.
( APPLAUSE ) IN RECENT YEARS, WE'VE BEEN
CRITICIZED FOR SPREADING MISINFORMATION, PROMOTING HATE,
AND CAUSING BODY IMAGE ISSUES AMONG TEENAGERS, SO WE'RE
FINALLY GOING TO MAKE A CHANGE...
TO OUR NAME ONLY.
( APPLAUSE ) WHAT WE LEARNED IS WHEN IT COMES
TO CORPORATE BRAND NAMES THAT INSPIRE TRUST, FACEBOOK FINISHES
RIGHT BEHIND SKYNET, THE LEGION OF DOOM, AND PUPPY PUNCHING,
INCORPORATED.
( APPLAUSE ) WE BRAINSTORMED ALTERNATIVE
NAMES IN ONE OF OUR VIRTUAL METAVERSE WORK SPACES.
SO LET'S HEAR SOME PITCHES FOR NEW NAMES.
NO BAD IDEAS.
>> WHAT IF INSTEAD OF JUST CHANGING THE NAME, WE TOOK A
HARD LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND ASKED OURSELVESES IF THERE ARE
MAYBE SOME SYSTEMIC CHANGES WE COULD MAKE.
( LAUGHTER ) >> LET'S BREAK FOR LUNCH.
>> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."
TONIGHT: PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES:
ISSA RAE AND MUSICAL GUEST H.E.R.
FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN.
AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK
CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: OH, DELIGHT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
♪ ♪ ♪ DELIGHTFUL.
GOOD TO SEE YOU.
YES.
HEY!
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
HEY, EVERYBODY!
UP THERE.
♪ ♪ ♪ WELCOME.
>> Audience: STEPHEN!
STEPHEN!
>> Stephen: SOLD OUT.
PACKED HOUSE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪
PLEASE, HAVE A SEAT, EVERYBODY.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE.
WELCOME, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IN HERE, OUT THERE.
IS I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.
YOU KNOW-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
HUMANS HAVE SPENT MILLENNIA ASKING GOD, "WHY DO BAD THINGS
HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE?" AND I'VE SPENT THE LAST FIVE
YEARS ASKING, "WHY DON'T BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO FORMER WHITE
HOUSE STRATEGIST AND MAN LICKING HIS LIPS, STARING AT A WOUNDED
PIGEON, STEVE BANNON?" WELL, IT IS POSSIBLE, IT IS
POSSIBLE, THAT MY PRAYERS ARE ABOUT TO BE ANSWERED.
BECAUSE BANNON IS ONE OF THE TOP WITNESSES THAT HOUSE
INVESTIGATORS WANT TO TALK TO ABOUT WHO PLANNED THE JANUARY 6
INSURRECTION.
THEY SUBPOENAED HIM, BUT HE REFUSED TO COOPERATE, SO LAST
NIGHT, THE COMMITTEE BROUGHT THE GAVEL DOWN, AND VOTED
UNANIMOUSLY TO RECOMMEND CHARGING BANNON WITH CRIMINA
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) CRIMINAL CONTEMPT.
HELL, YEAH!
CRIMINAL CONTEMPT MAKES SENSE, TO ME BECAUSE I FEEL A LOT OF
CONTEMPT FOR THAT CRIMINAL.
NOW, THIS IS A BIG MOMENT.
WHILE 650 MEMBERS OF THE JANUARY 6 MOB HAVE BEEN ARRESTED FOR
STORMING THE CAPITOL, THIS IS THE FIRST TIME WE'VE SEEN ANY
ACCOUNTABILITY FOR ONE OF THE BIG FISH.
OR IN BANNON'S CASE, ONE OF THOSE WEIRD GELATINOUS FISH THAT
LIVE IN ETERNAL DARKNESS WITH SPIKEY TEETH AND A LANTERN BLOB
APRERD GROWING OUT OF HIS FACE.
( APPLAUSE ) AND IT IS GOING TO FEEL GREAT TO
SEE THESE CONSEQUENCES WHEN THEY HAPPEN.
IF THEY HAPPEN.
AT A DATE TO BE NAMED LATER, BECAUSE, FIRST, THE CONTEMPT
QUESTION WILL GO TO A VOTE IN THE FULL DEMOCRATIC-CONTROLLED
HOUSE.
THE CONTEMPT REPORT WILL THEN BE CERTIFIED BY SPEAKER NANCY
PELOSI TO THE U.S. ATTORNEY FOR THE DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA, AT
WHICH POINT THE DECISION WILL BE IN THE HANDS OF THE DEPARTMENT
OF JUSTICE, WHO WILL EVALUATE THE MATTER BASED ON THE FACTS
AND THE LAW, AND THEN DECIDE WHETHER TO BRING THE CASE TO A
GRAND JURY, WHO WOULD HAVE TO DECIDE WHETHER TO INDICT BANNON,
AT WHICH POINT THE CASE WOULD GO TO FEDERAL DISTRICT COURT IN
D.C. FOR TRIAL...
( TAKES DEEP BREATH ) WHERE BANNON WOULD BE ABLE TO
DEFEND HIMSELF.
AFTER WHICH, HE MIGHT BE CONVICTED AND FACE A FINE OF
$100 TO $100,000 AND A JAIL SENTENCE OF ONE MONTH TO ONE
YEAR.
BUT THAT PROCESS, EVEN IF BANNON WAS SUCCESSFULLY PROSECUTED AND
JAILED, STILL WOULDN'T FORCE HIM TO DISCLOSE THE INFORMATION.
IN OTHER WORDS: JUSTICE!
IT REMINDS ME OF THAT FAMOUS SCENE FROM "TAKEN":
>> IF YOU LET MY DAUGHTER GO NOW, THAT'LL BE THE END OF IT. I
WILL NOT LOOK FOR YOU.
I WILL NOT PURSUE YOU.
BUT IF YOU DON'T, I WILL LOOK FOR YOU, I WILL FIND YOU, AND I
WILL SERVE YOU A SUBPOENA.
THEN, IF YOU DON'T COMPLY TO THAT, THE COMMITTEE WILL VOTE TO
HOLD YOU IN CONTEMPT OF CONGRESS.
>> THEN YOU KILL ME?
>> NO, ONCE THAT VOTE PASSES, THE HOUSE HAS TO ALSO VOTE TO
HOLD YOU IN CONTEMPT.
THEN ONCE THAT PASSES, WE REFER THE CASE TO THE JUSTICE
DEPARTMENT.
THEN THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT WILL EVALUATE THE MATTER, AND THEY
MAY OR MAY NOT BRING THE CASE TO A GRAND JURY.
>> AND THEN THEY KILL ME?
>> NO!
THEN, IF YOU GET CONVICTED, YOU CAN GET A FINE, OR MAYBE A FEW
MONTHS IN PRISON.
>> THAT'S IT?
>> YES.
>> OKAY, I'M GONNA GO DO MORE CRIMES THEN.
BYEEE!
( APPLAUSE ) GLD MOVIE.
QUALITY MOVIE.
HE'S SO GOOD.
SOMEBODY'S GOT TO BRING THE HAMMER DOWN, BECAUSE THERE ARE A
LOT OF UPCOMING ELECTIONS.
AND IT WOULD BE NICE IF THEY DIDN'T END IN A RIOT.
FOR INSTANCE-STANCE, THERE'S THE TIGHT RACE FOR GOVERNOR OF
VIRGINIA BETWEEN DEMOCRAT TERRY McAULIFFE AND REPUBLICAN
GLENN YOUNGKIN-- A.K.A., THE TWO MOST BORING UNCLES AT THE FAMILY
REUNION.
BOTH SIDES ARE BRINGING IN THE BIG GUNS-- AND SOME LOOSE
CANNONS, LIKE FORMER NEW YORK MAYOR RUDY GIULIANI, SEEN
HERE ABOUT TO FIGHT STEVE BANNON FOR THAT WOUNDED PIGEON.
( LAUGHTER ) THIS JUST LAST NIGHT?
LAST NIGHT, RUDY WEIGHED IN WITH AN ATTACK ON TERRY McAULIFFE.
JUST TO PREPARE YOU, RUDY BIZARRELY REFERENCES A
LONG-DEBUNKED EARLY 90s SCANDAL ABOUT THE CLINTONS SUPPOSEDLY
RENTING OUT THE LINCOLN BEDROOM.
AND THAT'S NOT THE WEIRD PART: >> VIRGINIA, VOTE AGAINST THE
MAN WHO DISHONORED OUR PAST BY SELLING MY BEDROOM HUNDREDS AND
HUNDREDS OF TIMES TO SCOUNDRELS IN A PAY-FOR-PLAY SCHEME!
IN MY TIME, WE HAD A NAME FOR MEN WHO SOLD BEDROOMS FOR ONE
NIGHT.
IN YOUR TIME, THE NAME IS TERRY McAULIFFE!
END THE CLINTON SLEAZE ONCE AND FOR ALL!
>> Stephen: THAT IS UNDOUBTEDLY THE WORST THING THAT EVER
HAPPENED TO ABRAHAM LINCOLN.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
THERE'S-- IT'S UP THERE.
IT'S-- IT'S HIGH UP THERE.
MAYBE NOT-- IT'S ONE OF THE WORST.
>> Jon: HONEST ABE >> Stephen: A LOT TO UNPACK
HERE.
WORKING FROM THE TOP DOWN: THAT'S NOT A LINCOLN HAT.
THAT'S A MAD HATTER HAT.
THOUGH, COMPARED TO RUDY, HE WAS A PRETTY REASONABLE HATTER.
AND I'M NOT SURE IF I CAN PLACE THAT ACCENT.
IT'S EITHER BRITISH, SOUTHERN, OR CABERNET.
( LAUGHTER ) AND, JIM, PLAY THAT ONE PART
AGAIN.
>> IN MY TIME, WE HAD A NAME FOR MEN WHO SOLD BEDROOMS FOR
ONE NIGHT.
>> Stephen: INNKEEPERS?
( LAUGHTER ) A BETTER QUESTION MIGHT BE: WHAT
DO YOU CALL SOMEONE WHO RENTS A ROOM FOR ONE HOUR TO "ADJUST
THEIR MICROPHONE?" ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) SPEAKING--
♪ ♪ ♪ SPEAKING OF NAUGHTY BITS: SOCIAL
MEDIA'S ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE IS CONSTANTLY TRYING TO SORT OUT
WHAT'S ART AND WHAT'S DIRTY.
AND NO CASE ILLUSTRATES THE STRUGGLE BETTER THAN WHEN A
WOMAN RECENTLY POSTED A PHOTO OF THE VENUS OF WILLENDORF, A
30,000-YEAR-OLD STATUE OF A FERTILITY FIGURE.
BUT FACEBOOK RULED THE PICTURE WAS PORNOGRAPHIC AND REMOVED IT.
OH, NO!
NOW WHERE WILL PEOPLE FIND NAKED PICTURES ON THE INTERNET?
( LAUGHTER ) NOW, KEEN-EYED VIEWERS MAY HAVE
NOTICED THAT CBS IS ACTUALLY MAKING US CENSOR HER, SHALL WE
SAY, WILLENDORF.
AND YOU MIGHT BE SAYING, "SERIOUSLY?
SHE'S 30,000 YEARS OLD."
YES, SO ARE CBS VIEWERS.
FACEBOOK APOLOGIZED, BUT VIENNA'S NATURAL HISTORY MUSEUM,
WHERE THE STATUE RESIDES, WASN'T HAPPY ABOUT THE CENSORSHIP, SO
NOW VIENNA'S TOURISM BOARD IS TRYING A DIFFERENT APPROACH--
SHOWCASING THE MUSEUM'S ART ON ONLYFANS.
GREAT-- SO NOW WHEN YOU'RE LOOKING AT ART, YOU GOTTA PAY TO
UNLOCK CONTENT.
"SEND ANOTHER $20, AND WE'LL TOUCH MORE THAN FINGERS."
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
APPARENTLY-- APPARENTLY-- ( APPLAUSE )
APPARENTLY, NOW THAT IT'S OVER ON ONLYFANS, SUBSCRIBERS TO THE
VIENNA TOURISM BOARD'S PAGE CAN CHECK OUT EXPLICIT WORKS.
WHICH IS GREAT FOR ART, BUT REALLY BAD FOR HORNY DUDES WHO
ACCIDENTALLY STUMBLE ON A PICASSO:
"WOW, LOOK AT HER...
I'M GONNA SAY BOOBS?
THAT THE CLUSTER OF TRIANGLES, RIGHT?
THERE'S SEVEN OF THEM?
MAYBE IT'S THE--- NAH, FORGET IT.
I'M GONNA GO LOOK AT SOME GEORGIA O'KEEFE'S."
( LAUGHTER ) ♪ ♪ ♪
BUT ART ISN'T THE ONLY THING FACEBOOK IS RUINING.
THEY'RE STILL FACING ACCUSATIONS OF ENDANGERING TEENS, SPREADING
MISINFORMATION, AND DESTROYING DEMOCRACY.
SO THEY'RE DOING THE RIGHT THING: REBRANDING THE COMPANY
WITH A NEW NAME.
BUT THAT NEW NAME IS A CLOSELY GUARDED SECRET THAT'S NOT KNOWN
WIDELY, EVEN AMONG FACEBOOK SENIOR LEADERSHIP.
WELL, THAT'S SURPRISING: FACEBOOK HAS LEADERSHIP?
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
IN CASE THEY HAVEN'T-- IN CASE-- ( APPLAUSE )
SURE, WHY NOT JUST IN CASE THEY HAVEN'T
SETTLED ON IT YET, WE HERE AT "THE LATE SHOW" CAME UP WITH A
FEW APPROPRIATE NAMES, LIKE PINSURRECTIONIST.
DIKTOK.
AUNT BRENDA'S THREE-PARAGRAPH RANT-A-TORIUM.
( RUSSIAN ACCENT ) BEST FUN TIMES AMERICA WEBSITE.
AND THE WASHINGTON FOOTBALL TEAM.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
MY GUEST IS THE STAR OF HBO'S "INSECURE," ISSA RAE.
BUT WHEN WE RETURN, DID YOU READ YOUR BOOK CLUB BOOK?
THE ANSWER IS NO.
STICK AROUND.
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!
JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN!
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
JON, JON...
( APPLAUSE ) JON, I'M SO GLAD-- I'M SO GLAD
YOU GUYS ARE PLAYING SO HOT TONIGHT, BECAUSE IT IS COLD IN
THIS ROOM.
CAN YOU FEEL YOUR FINGERS OVER THERE?
BECAUSE I CAN'T FEEL MY TOE OVERS HERE.
>> Jon: OH, MY GOODNESS, I GOT MY SPACE HEATER, AND IT'S ON
HIGH.
>> Stephen: WAIT A SECOND.
I DON'T HAVE A SPACE HEATER.
WHY DOES JON HAVE A SPACE HEATER AND I DON'T?
HE IS A BIG DEAL, THAT'S RIGHT.
JON IS A BIG DEAL.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HEY, I GOTTA ASK YOU-- THAT'S
TRUE.
WASN'T THINKING.
JON, I GOTTA ASK YOU, DID YOU HAVE YOUR EYES DILATED THIS
AFTERNOON?
I'M CURIOUS WHY YOU GOT THE SHADES ON.
IT'S INDOORS.
>> Jon: THIS IS MORE FASHION OVER FUNCTION.
IT'S MOOD-ENHANCING SUNGLASSES.
>> Stephen: DID YOU PICK THOSE UP IN PARIS BECAUSE I KNOW YOU
WERE IN PARIS LAST WEEK.
>> Jon: YES, I WAS.
>> Stephen: YOU WERE IN PARIS.
IS THIS A LOOK YOU PICKED UP OVER THERE OR IS THIS A NEW
THING?
>> Jon: I'M TRYING SOMETHING TODAY.
I FELT THE VIBE OF BLUE, AND I FELT SO BLESSED WHEN I WOKE UP,
AND I WANTED TO PUT THIS ON AND TRY IT OUT.
>> Stephen: BLUE IS BLESSED AT THE SAME TIME.
>> Jon: THAT'S HOW I FELT TODAY, NOT EVERY DAY.
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: JON, YOU KNOW, WE
HAVE ISSA RAE ON TONIGHT FROM HBOO'S "INSECURE."
FRIEND OF THE SHOW, BRILTD ACTRESS, SO FUNNY.
>> Jon: COULD RAY IS INCREDIBLE.
>> Stephen: CAN'T WAIT FOR HER TO GET OUT OF HERE.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THIS ISN'T A SECRET.
ANYONE WHO KNOWS ME KNOWS I KNOW HOW TO READ.
I'M ALWAYS READING WHENEVER MY CABLE IS OUT AND MY PHONE IS
DEAD AND I CAN'T FIND MY iPAD.
AND I'M IN THE BATHROOM.
DID YOU KNOW THAT HAND SOAP IS LIKE 38% GLYCERIN?
I READ THAT TODAY.
( LAUGHTER ) YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT,
JON.
YOU'RE IN THERE, YOU FORGOT YOUR PHONE.
YOU'RE LIKE I'LL READ ANYTHING.
>> Jon: THAT'S FOR SURE.
>> Stephen: SURE.
WOW, CHARMIN IS MADE IN MINNESOTA.
WELL, FOLKS, FALL IS HERE, AND WITH SO MANY PEOPLE GETTING
VACCINATED, BOOK CLUBS HAVE COME BACK TOGETHER, AND NOW THEY'RE
READY TO GET BACK TOGETHER IN PERSON.
THAT'S RIGHT: AMERICANS CANNOT WAIT TO GET BACK FACE-TO-FACE
PRETENDING TO HAVE READ "THE UNDERGROUND RAILROAD."
I READ IT UPON I LOVED IT.
WHEN THE RAILROAD... AT THE END... GOES UNDERGROUND.
WOW, WHAT A PAYOFF.
UNFORTUNATELY, THIS MEANS THAT YOUR BOOK CLUB IS ABOUT TO MEET
TO DISCUSS THE BOOK YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE READ OVER
THE SUMMER BUT DIDN'T BECAUSE YOU SPENT AUGUST PASSED OUT IN A
KIDDIE POOL FILLED WITH WHITE CLAW.
AND IT SAYS UP HERE THAT I WANT TO HELP.
THAT'S WHY TONIGHT, I'M PROUD TO INTRODUCE MY NEW BOOK CLUB:
STEPHEN COLBERT'S BOOK CLUB FOR PEOPLE WHO WANT TO SOUND LIKE
THEY READ THE BOOK AT THEIR BOOK CLUB.
>> THAT'S TODAY?!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: WELCOME TO "STEPHEN
COLBERT'S BOOK CLUB FOR PEOPLE WHO WANT TO SOUND LIKE THEY READ
THE BOOK AT THEIR BOOK CLUB," WHERE WE HELP YOU TALK ABOUT THE
BOOKS YOU DIDN'T READ SO YOU CAN FOCUS ON WHAT REALLY MATTERS AT
BOOK CLUB: BOX WINE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) MMM.
DADDY WANTS SOME CULTURE JUICE.
THERE YOU GO.
MMM.
THAT IS NOT A PROP.
OKAY!
MMM.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
MMM.
I'M GETTING-- I'M GETTING NOTES OF BOX.
( LAUGHTER ) OKAY, NOT-READERS, LET'S SAY YOU
FAILED TO READ ONE OF THE HOTTEST BOOK CLUB BOOKS OF THE
SEASON: "AT NIGHT ALL BLOOD IS BLACK," BY DAVID DJIOP.
RIGHT OFF THE START, BRING UP THE BOOK THAT WON THE 2021
INTERNATIONAL BOOKER PRIZE,O WHICH IS JUST LIKE THE AMERICAN
BOOKER PRIZE, BUT THEY CALL IT FOOTBALL.
OKAY, ON THE PLOT TO THE BOOK, I GOT YOUR BACK HERE.
THIS NOVEL TELLS THE STORY OF A SENEGALESE SOLDIER FIGHTIN &-F
I NAMED ALFA NDIAYE.
THAT'S ENOUGH INFORMATION FOR YOU TO MENTION HOW YOU'RE NOT
SURE HOW TO PRONOUNCE THAT NAME, AND LET THE GROUP DEBATE THE
CORRECT PRONUNCIATION OF A SENEGALESE SURNAME.
THEN SIT BACK AND ENJOY YOUR WINE AND THEIR SUBURBAN
DISCOMFORT.
MMM.
PROBLEMATIC.
( LAUGHTER ) HERE'S ANOTHER FOOLPROOF GAMBIT:
BRING UP HOW LITTLE YOU KNOW ABOUT FRANCE'S COLONIAL PAST IN
AFRICA, AND LET YOUR NEIGHBOR MARK TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT,
BECAUSE HE WON'T SHUT UP ABOUT HIS TRIP TO MOROCCO TWO YEARS
AGO.
NO ONE CARES, MARK!
NOW, MAYBE YOUR BOOK CLUB EXPECTED YOU TO READ "A SPECIAL
PLACE FOR WOMEN" BY LAURA HANKIN.
IF YOU BLEW OFF READING IT, HERE'S THE SCOOP-ITY-DOO: THIS
BOOK TELLS THE STORY OF A DARING YOUNG REPORTER WHO INFILTRATES A
FEMALE-RUN SECRET SOCIETY, WHOSE BEWITCHING MEMBERS ARE CAUGHT UP
IN A DARK AND TREACHEROUS BUSINESS.
IF YOU HAVE NOTHING TO SAY, YOU CAN POINT OUT THAT THIS BOOK IS
SET TO BE DEVELOPED AS A SERIES BY PARAMOUNT TELEVISION STUDIOS.
THEN CHANGE THE TOPIC TO THE AMAZING CONTENT AVAILABLE ON
PARAMOUNT+ PARAMOUNT+ -- a MOUNTAIN OF
REASONS YOU NO LONGER READ.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) OF COURSE, YOUR BOOK CLUB COULD
BE READING "ONE LAST STOP" BY CASEY McQUISTON.
IF YOU HAVE ONE HOUR 'TIL BOOK CLUB STARTS, YOU HAVEN'T READ
IT, AND YOU STILL HAVE TO RUN TO WHOLE FOODS BECAUSE YOU
FORGOT THAT SANDRA IS GLUTEN FREE.
THIS BOOK'S COVER HAS EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW:
LOVERS CAUGHT IN A PERFECT MOMENT, A CATCHY TAGLINE THAT
SAYS, "SOMETIMES LOVE STOPS YOU IN YOUR TRACKS," PLUS AN
ADORABLE ILLUSTRATION OF THE NEW YORK CITY SUBWAY.
IF YOU HAVEN'T READ THIS ONE, IT'S NO PROBLEM!
JUST TALK ABOUT HOW CRAZY THE SUBWAY WAS TODAY.
THE NEXT 20 MINUTES EVERYONE WILL BE CHIMING IN WITH THEIR
OWN PUBLIC MASTURBATOR STORY.
WELL, THAT'S IT FOR "STEPHEN COLBERT'S BOOK CLUB FOR PEOPLE
WHO WANT TO SOUND LIKE THEY READ THE BOOK AT THEIR BOOK CLUB."
AS THEY SAY IN BOOKS: THE END.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THE STAR OF HBO'S "INSECURE," ISSA
RAE.
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY,
WELCOME BACK!
TO "THE LATE SHOW."
FOLKS, MY GUEST TONIGHT IS THE CREATOR AND STAR OF THE EMMY
AWARD-WINNING SHOW "INSECURE," WHICH IS IN ITS FIFTH AND FINAL
SEASON.
>> IS THAT ME?
I FORGOT HOW CUTE I LOOKED WITH TWISTS.
>> NO, BUT THIS NEW LOOK IS WORKING FOR US, TOO.
>> YOU LIKE THIS?
>> WE GOT OUR BRACES OFF.
LET ME SEE THE FEET.
SHOW ME HOW YOU EAT!
ARE WE STUPID?
( LAUGHTER ) SO WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
>> NO, IT'S OUR 10-YEAR REUNION, AND STANFORD ASKED ME TO SPEAK
ON A PANEL.
>> I KNEW WE'D BE A BIG DEAL!
YES!
>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," ISSA RAE!
12340E9 ( APPLAUSE )
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY!
>> OH ( BLEEP )!
>> Stephen: IT'S LOVELY TO HAVE YOU BACK.
NICE TO SEE YOU.
>> GOOD TO SEE YOU, TOO.
IT'S LOVELY TO BE BACK.
THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME AGAIN.
>> Stephen: IT'S A PLEASURE.
AND YOU'RE VERY BRAVE TO WEAR A DRESS LIKE THAT IN A ROOM THIS
COLD.
>> IT'S SO COLD.
I WASN'T GOING TO SAY ANYTHING.
THE AUDIENCE AT HOME DOESN'T KNOW HOW COLD IT IS.
>> Stephen: COLD COMEDY WEATHER.
HEY, WE HAVEN'T TALKED TO YOU SINCE BEFORE COVID.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: LAST TIME YOU WERE HERE.
AND CONGRATULATIONS, BRIGHTEDLY, ARE IN ORDER BECAUSE SINCE THE
LAST TIME YOU AND I SPOKE, YOU GOT MARRIED.
THAT'S ABSOLUTELY...
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THAT'S LOVELY.
I DID NOT KNOW-- I DID NOT KNOW, BUT WHAT I LOVE ABOUT THIS IS
THAT NOBODY ANYHOW.
THIS IS HOW YOU ANNOUNCED IT RIGHT HERE, WITH THIS
PHOTOGRAPH, IMPROMPTU PHOTO SHOOT IN A CUSTOM VERA WANG
DRESS.
"MY GIRLS CAME TO HELP ME, BUT THEY COINCIDENTALLY HAD ON THE
SAME DRESS.
THEY WERE SO EMBARRASSED.
THEN I TOOK A FEW PICS WITH SOMEBODY'S HUSBAND.
DID THE GUESTS KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON?
OR WERE THERE GUESTS?
>> THE GUESTS KNEW WHAT WAS GOING ON.
>> Stephen: DID YOUR HUSBAND KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON?
>> I DON'T KNOW WHO THAT GUY WAS.
HE WAS A GREAT SPORT.
YEAH, EVERYBODY KNEW WHAT IT WAS.
>> Stephen: THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL.
IT LOOKS LIKE YOU GOT MARRIED AT THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL.
WHERE DID YOU GET MARRIED?
>> I HAD A PHOTO SHOOT IN THE SOUTH OF FRANCE.
>> Stephen: WHAT!
>> IT WAS REALLY, REALLY BEAUTIFUL.
IT WAS NICE.
>> Stephen: AND YOU FIGURED WHILE I'M DOING A PHOTO SHOOT, I
MIGHT AS WELL GET MARRIED.
>> YEAH, GET HITCHED.
>> Stephen: THAT'S NICE.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: CONGRATULATIONS.
SO HOW ARE YOU LIKING IT SO FAR?
>> NOTHING HAS REALLY CHANGED.
I'M STILL THE SAME PERSON.
BUT IT'S BEEN-- IT'S BEEN NICE.
I'M REALLY, REALLY HAPPY.
>> Stephen: I'M A FAN OF BEING MARRIED.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT.
>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
>> Stephen: IT'S WORKED OUT FOR ME.
>> I'M GLAD.
( APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: THE FIFTH SEASON, THE FIFTH SEASON OF "INSECURE"
PREMIERES THIS SUNDAY.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: AND I KNOW MILLIONS OF PEOPLE WRITE AT YOU
ON INSTAGRAM AND TWITTER EVERY WEEK.
THEY WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN.
I'M SURE THEY HAVE SUGGESTIONS.
>> OH, MY GOSH!
GLR IF WHAT SHOULD HAPPEN.
>> ALL THE TIME.
>> Stephen: PEOPLE ARE EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN THE
SHOW.
HOW MUCH PRESSURE DOES THAT PUT ON YOU AS THE CREATOR OF THE
SHOW AND THE PRODUCER OF THE SHOW TO WRAP THINGS UP IN A WAY
THAT'S GOING TO SATISFY EVERYBODY ELSE?
>> OH, THE PRESSURE.
THIS WAS TERRIFYING, YOU KNOW, BECAUSE YOU'RE, LIKE, YOU'RE
ENDING A SHOW, AND PEOPLE ARE GOING TO HAVE THEIR OPINIONS.
>> Stephen: SURE.
YOU'VE DONE SUCH A GOOD JOB OF CARRYING THE SHOW.
IT'S LIKE THIS PRECIOUS THING THAT YOU'VE CARRY FORWARD FOUR
SEASONS NOW.
>> IT HAS BEEN.
>> Stephen: YOU DON'T WANT TO DROP IT IN THE LAST--
>> YOU DON'T WANT TO DROP IT.
WE'RE ON HBO, WHICH YOU KNOW HAD ANOTHER VERY POPULAR FINALE.
>> Stephen: THAT PEOPLE PERHAPS FELT GOT DROPPED.
>> PEOPLE FELT STRONGLY ABOUT THAT.
AND PEOPLE COME UP TO ME LIKE, "GIRL, I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE
FINAL SEASON.
JUST DON'T 'GAME OF THRONES' IT.
BUT I WILL SAY A SHOUTOUT TO ONE OF OUR WRITERS BECAUSE WE HAD SO
MUCH PRESSURE, AND SHE WAS LIKE-- SHE WAS LIKE, "WE KEEP ON
TELLING OURSELVES TO LAND THE PLANE," AND THESE CHARACTERS
AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE AFTER THIS SHOW.
LIKE, THEY'RE GOING TO LIVE ON.
SO IT'S NOT THAT THE PLANE IS LANDING.
THEY'RE TAKING OFF AND WE'RE JUST JUMPING OUT.
WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF WE WROTE A SEASON SIX, AND THEY'LL FREED
US.
>> Stephen: THAT'S GREAT.
LIKE IN KARATE, THEY SAY PUNCH BEYOND THE BOARD.
>> OH, OKAY.
THAT'S WHAT SHE SHOULD HAVE SAID IN THE FIRST PLACE.
I WOULD HAVE UNDERSTOOD IT BETTER.
WHAT IS SHE TALKING ABOUT.
>> Stephen: I'M SORRY I'M NOT AVAILABLE TO WRITE ON YOUR SHOW.
I APOLOGIZE.
>> YOU'RE BUSY.
>> Stephen: YOUR CHARACTERS CAN DEE HAS CHANGED A LOT, SHE
CHANGED A LOT DURING THE FOUR SEASONS OF SHOW, AND SHE CHANGES
AGAIN I'M SURE, MORE GROWTH IN SEASON FIVE.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
THIS IS-- I DON'T KNOW IFIDE USE THE TERM "CINDERELLA STORY" BUT
THIS IS YOU COMING OUT OF THE BLOCKS WITH, LIKE A 9500.
PEOPLE WERE BLOWN AWAY.
THIS WAS THE FIRST SHOW YOU CREATED, RIGHT?
>> MY FIRST TV SHOW.
I CAME FROM THE INTERNET -- >> Stephen: I HEARD GOOD
THINGS OVER THERE.
>> THE INTERNET IS OKAY.
IT'S A LITTLE CRAZY.
>> Stephen: MAO HAVE YOU CHANGED?
HOW HAVE YOU GROWN IN THE LAST FIVE YEARS?
>> TO COME OUT AND BE UNCERTAIN AND HAVE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO
MAKE A TV SHOW.
YOU KNOW, I WAS, FOR LACK OF A BETTER WORD, INSECURE.
AND NOW I FEEL LIKE, YOU KNOW, IT'S BEEN FIVE TO SIX YEARS.
I'VE BEEN WORKING WITH SOME AMAZING PEOPLE, SUPPORTIVE
PEOPLE, AND IT'S MADE ME MORE SECURE.
( LAUGHTER ) NO, BUT, LIKE, IT'S MADE ME MORE
CONFIDENT IN MY PLACE HERE IN HOLLYWOOD.
AND I FEEL LIKE IN SOME WAYS I'M JUST GETTING STARTED.
AND I FEEL CAPABLE.
AND THIS SHOW-- I WOULD NOT FEEL CAPABLE WITHOUT THIS SHOW.
( APPLAUSE ) THANK YOU!
THIS IS SO POSITIVE.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK.
BUT DON'T GO ANYWHERE.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE ISSA RAE.
STICK AROUND.
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
WELCOME BACK.
WE'RE HERE WITH THE STAR OF HBO'S "INSECURE," ISSA RAE.
HAVE YOU HAD AN OPPORTUNITY TO ENJOY YOUR SUCCESS?
BECAUSE TO BE THIS SUCCESSFUL YOU HAVE TO WORK VERY HARD, KNOW
VERY FOCUSED, VERY DEDICATED.
AND SOMETIMES PEOPLE DON'T TAKE THE TIME OR DON'T REALLY HAVE
THE TIME-- IT'S NOT LIKE THEY DENY IT TO THEMSELVES.
THEY JUST DON'T HAVE THE TIME TO APPRECIATE WHAT HAS HAPPENED IN
THEIR LIFE AND THEIR CAREER AND TO SEE THESE DREAMS COMING TRUE.
HAVE YOU HAD A CHANCE TO ENJOY IT?
>> I MEAN, I DEFINITELY ENJOY IT.
I LOVE TO THROW PARTIES.
I'M A BIG YACHT PARTY PERSON.
>> Stephen: OH!
WOW.
>> A LITTLE PARTY ON A BOAT FROM TIME TO TIME.
YOU'RE INVITED.
>> Stephen: I OWN SANDALS.
>> YOU OWN SANDALS?
THOSE AREN'T REALLY BOATS.
>> Stephen: I HAVE BOAT SHOES.
>> BRING YOUR BOAT SHOES.
GET READY TO DANCE.
AND I ALSO HEAR THAT YOU SING, SO --
>> Stephen: I ENJOY SINGING.
I DON'T KNOW IF I SING, BUT I ENJOY IT.
DO YOU SING?
DO YOU ENJOY SINGING?
>> I'M A TERRIBLE SINGER, BUT I ENJOY SINGING TERRIBLY.
YOU.
>> Stephen: YOU WOULD FIT RIGHT IN WITH MY FAMILY.
WE'RE NOT THAT GOOD BUT KATIE BAR THE DOOR AT THE END OF A
WEDDING.
>> WHAT, SHE BARRED THE DOOR.
>> Stephen: "KATIE BAR THE DOOR."
YOU NEVER HEARD THAT TERM?
>> NO.
>> Stephen: THAT MEANS THERE'S GOING TO BE A DONNYBROOK, A FIST
CUFFS, A DONNYBROOK.
A LITTLE OF THE OLD JACK JOHNSON.
KATIE BAR THE DOOR MEANS, "HONEY, LOCK THE DOOR, I'M GOING
TO KICK EVERYBODY'S ASS.
KATIE, BAR THE DOOR.
WE'RE GOING TO FIGHT.
THAT'S WHAT THAT MEANS.
DOES THAT MAKE SENSE TO YOU NOW.
IT'S AN OLD IRISH EXPRESSION.
I'M IRISH.
YEAH, YEAH.
KATIE BAR THE DOOR.
MY FAMILY LOVES TO SING LOUDLY.
WE DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE LYRICS.
WE'RE JUST GOING TO-- WE'RE JUST--
( LAUGHTER ) >> I LOVE THAT.
>> Stephen: JUST LOUD.
>> I LOVE IT.
>> Stephen: WE'RE JUST LOUD.
>> I EMBRACE IT.
>> Stephen: YOU ARE BUILDING AN EMPIRE HERE.
NOT JUST A SHOW.
YOU OWN TWO CAFES.
YOU HAVE A BLUTEY LINE CALLED...
>> SIERRA NATURAL S.
>> Stephen: A MANAGEMENT AND PRODUCTION COMPANY.
WHO ARE YOU GUNNING FOR?
OPRAH?
WHO ARE YOU TAKING DOWN.
GWYNETH?
>> I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE GWYNETH DOWN.
>> Stephen: SURE, KATIE BAR THE DOOR.
>> KATIE BAR THE DOOR.
GWYNETH, BAR THE DOOR, GIRL.
>> Stephen: WE SAW EARLIER, ONE OF THE THEMES OF "INSECURE"
IS ISSA DEE HYPING HERSELF UP FOR HER DAY, WHATEVER SHE NEEDS
TO DO.
>> IN THE MIRROR.
>> Stephen: LISTEN, I HAVE A SHOW I HAVE TO HIT EVERY DAY,
CAN YOU HELP ME HYPE UP?
DO YOU HAVE ANY VICE HOW I CAN BE MY OWN HYPE MAN BEFORE THE
SHOW?
>> YOU HAVE TO GO INTO THE BATHROOM OR WHATEVER MIRROR --
>> Stephen: THERE ARE MIRRORS EVERYWHERE.
>> AS THERE SHOULD BE.
YOU'RE A GREAT MAN TO LOOK AT.
I THINK YOU SHOULD TELL YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR, "HEY, DO YOU KNOW
WHO I AM?" >> Stephen: DO YOU KNOW WHO I
AM?
>> I'M THE BOSSIEST MAN ON EARTH.
>> Stephen: I'M THE BOSSIEST MAN ON EARTH.
>> YOU SHOULD BE LUCKY TO BE IN A ROOM WITH ME.
>> Stephen: YOU SHOULD BE LUCKY TO BE IN A ROOM WITH ME.
>> OH, I AM.
I'M VERY LUCKY RIGHT NOW.
GO OUT THERE AND KILL THAT!
>> Stephen: YOU DO IT!
STAY ON TOP OF YOUR GAME?
YOU DOMINATE!
YOU SWEEP THE LAKE!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> I BELIEVE YOU.
WOOO!
I BELIEVE YOU!
>> Stephen: ISSA, IT'S SO LOVELY TO SEE YOU.
CONGRATULATIONS ON THE EXTRAORDINARY SUCCESS OF YOUR
SHOW.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: AND GOOD LUCK ON THE FIFTH SEASON.
AND DON'T PUNCH THROUGH THAT BOARD.
>> I WILL CRASH THE PLANE BEFORE I LAND IT.
>> Stephen: SEASON FIVE OF "INSECURE" PREMIERES THIS
SUNDAY ON HBO.
ISSA RAE, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MY FAVORITE "LATE SHOW" HALLOWEEN
TRADITION.
♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WELCOME BACK!
THERE'S A CRISPNESS IN THE AIR, LEAVES ARE FALLING, HALLOWEEN IS
ALMOST HERE.
THIS YEAR, THERE ARE ALL KINDS OF SPOOKY CHARACTERS YOU CAN
DRESS UP AS, FROM TERRIFYING MASKED MANIACS TO TERRIFYING
ANTI-MASK MANIACS.
IN FACT, THERE'S ONLY ONE THING THAT CAN MAKE HALLOWEEN BETTER:
MORE HOLIDAY-THEMED NOVELTY SONGS.
FOR DECADES, ALL WE'VE HAD WAS "THE MONSTER MASH," WHICH IS
A GREAT SONG, BESIDES THE FACT THAT IT'S NOT GREAT AND
IS BARELY A SONG.
THAT'S WHY, JUST A FEW YEARS BACK, WE AT "THE LATE SHOW"
PARTNERED WITH OUR FRIENDS RUN THE JEWELS TO CREATE OUR OWN
HOLIDAY DITTY: "THE HALLOWEEN WIGGLE."
MY GOAL WAS TO CREATE A NEW HALLOWEEN CLASSIC THAT YOU'D
HEAR PLAYING EVERY YEAR AROUND THIS TIME.
AND, FOLKS, MY DREAM CAME TRUE, BECAUSE EVERY YEAR, I REPLAY IT.
JIM?
>> ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR.
♪ THE MOON WAS FULL IT WAS LATE AT NIGHT
♪ I COULD FEEL IN MY BONES SOMETHING WASN'T QUITE RIGHT
♪ I WALKED DOWNSTAIRS AND I OPENED THE DOOR
♪ AND WHAT I SAW SENT MY JAW TO THE FLOOR
♪ AT FIRST I WAS SCARED THEN I STARTED TO GIGGLE
♪ BECAUSE I SAW DRACULA DO THE HALLOWEEN WIGGLE
♪ THIS AIN'T YOUR DADDY'S MONSTER MASH
RUN THE JEWELS, RUN THE JEWELS ♪ HEY, IT'S A GRAVEYARD SMASH
DROP THE PUMPKIN DOWN LOW AND MAKE MY FUN-SIZE STICKY
♪ I'M ABOUT TO FIND OUT IF YOU ARE A TREATY OR A TRICKY
♪ SPREAD YOUR COBWEBS AND ARCH YOUR BACK
♪ AND I'M GONNA STICK MY HAND DOWN YOUR CANDY SACK
♪ SHAKE YOUR MONEY MAKER LIKE A UNICEF BOX
♪ DON'T GOT A CONDOM, USE A SUPERGIRL SOCKS
♪ HALLOWEEN AIN'T HOLLOW WHEN IT DON'T RUN SHALLOW
♪ MAKE YOU BITE ON YOUR PILLOW LIKE IT'S A MARSHMALLOW
>> Stephen: WELL, THAT'S ONE WAY TO WIGGLE BUT...
♪ LISTEN UP CLOSE THERE'S A CREEPY KIND OF WIGGLE
THAT I DIG THE MOST ♪ YOU JUST STRETCH YOUR
BAT WINGS AND MAKE THEM FLAP ♪ AND DON'T FORGET TO DO THE
SKELETON CLAP ♪ MAKE YA PUMPKIN CLAP
MAKE THE CANDELABRA FLICKER I'MA HAUNT YOU SO HARD
WITH MY UNWRAPPED SNICKERS ♪ STICK MY FACE IN THE CANDY BAR
TURN YOU AROUND LICK YOUR HERSHEY ( BLEEP )
( LAUGHTER ) ♪ HAY RIDES ARE FUN
IF YOU BRING YOUR GANG ♪ JUST BEWARE OF CASPER
AND HIS SPOOKY-OOKY CHAIN ♪ KEEP YOUR EYES PEELED
FOR GHOULS AND GHOSTS ♪ OH, HALLOWEEN'S A TREAT
AND I DIG IT THE MOST ♪ TAKE IT TO THE GRAVEYARD LIKE
A DEAD-ASS SNITCH.
YOU'LL BE ON MY BROOMSTICK LIKE A TRICK-ASS WITCH
♪ THEN I BRING OVER MY SKELETON CREW
♪ AND YOU CAN RIDE OUR BONES UNTIL YOU SCREAM AND BOO
♪ GONNA GIVE YOU A TREAT 'CAUSE YOU'RE MY TRICK
♪ YOU DRESS LIKE A WITCH I PROVIDE THE BROOMSTICK
♪ SHAKE YOUR REESE'S CUPS LIKE YOU NEED THE CASH
♪ THEN I'LL HIT THAT ( BLEEP ) LIKE IT'S A GRAVEYARD SMASH
♪ TRICK-OR-TREATING IS ABOUT AS MUCH FUN AS YOU CAN GET
♪ I'M GOING TO WHIP OUT MY MONSTER MAKE YOU ( BLEEP )
♪ AND WE'RE STILL WIGGLING IT'S THE HALLOWEEN WIGGLE
♪ YEAH, MAKE THEM CANDY APPLES JIGGLE, GIRL
♪ JIGGLE, JIGGLE, GIRL JIGGLE, JIGGLE, GIRL
♪ JUST TO BE CLEAR WE'RE TALKING ABOUT FRUIT
♪ BUT NOW THE PARTY'S OVER AND IT'S TIME TO SCOOT
♪ SO GO HOME, GUYS PUT SOME CANDLES ON
♪ AND JACK YOUR LANDERN TILL THE BREAK OF DAWN ♪
>> DUDE, KIDS ARE WATCHING.
>> Stephen: HE SAID HERSHEY (BLEEP)!
YOU SAID HERSHEY (BLEEP)!
YOU WERE LAUGHING ABOUT IT.
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK
WITH A PERFORMANCE BY H.E.R.
STICK AROUND!
>> DO CONSERVATIVE FANS SCOLD YOU TO STOP FORCING YOUR LIBERAL
VIEWS ON THEM SO THEY CAN ENJOY THEIR APOLITICAL MOVIES ABOUT
OPPRESSED PEOPLES REBELGRADE AGAINST THE FASCIST EMPIRE?
>> WELL, I COULDN'T HAVE SAID IT BETTER MYSELF.
YES, THEY-- I DO GET BLOWBACK.
EVERYONE, LIKE I SAY, HAS AN OPINION, AND I CERTAINLY HAVE
GOTTEN SOME SCORCHED RESPONSES TO SOME OF MY TWEETS.
BUT I-- I TRY AND KEEP IT IN PERSPECTIVE AND IGNORE THE
REPLIEZ, IF THEY'RE TOO...
TOO-- TOO HATEFUL.
>> IT MUST BE SO HARD FOR CONSERVATIVES TO ENJOY MARK'S
WHOLESOME FAMILY FILMS WHERE HE MAKES OUT WITH HIS SISTER AND
KILLS HIS DAD.
GUEST IS AN ACADEMY AWARD AND MULTI-GRAMMY WINNING ARTIST.
HERE TO PERFORM "FOR ANYONE" FROM HER ALBUM, "BACK OF MY
MIND," H.E.R.
( APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ LOOKING FOR YOUR SOUND IN
SOMEONE ELSE'S HOUSE ♪ BUT NO ONE SINGS THE SAME WAY
I LOOK FOR PEACE OF MIND IN ♪ SOMEONE ELSE'S EYES
GUESS LOVE IS REALLY BLINDING ME ♪ AND I CAN'T FIND
A REASON TO REPLACE THE FEELING ♪ THAT YOU LEFT BEHIND
I TRIED, I TRIED ♪ I WISH I COULD TELL YOU
I DON'T WANNA BE WITH SOMEBODY ♪ ELSE NEW
HONESTLY, I WISH I NEVER MET YOU ♪ 'CAUSE YOU LEFT ME BROKEN
NOW MY HEART WON'T OPEN FOR ♪ ANYONE
REMEMBERING THE TIMES WHEN YOU ♪ AND I WOULD HIDE
NO ONE ELSE WOULD FIND THAT ♪ FUNNY
AND ONLY YOU WOULD KNOW ♪ I'M BETTER WITH YOU AND IT
SHOWS ♪ BECAUSE THE WAY YOU LOVED ME
AND I CAN'T FIND ♪ A REASON TO REPLACE THE
FEELING THAT YOU LEFT BEHIND ♪ I TRIED, I TRIED
I WISH I COULD TELL YOU ♪ I DON'T WANNA BE WITH SOMEBODY
ELSE, NEW ♪ HONESTLY, I WISH I NEVER MET
YOU ♪ 'CAUSE YOU LEFT ME BROKEN
NOW MY HEART WON'T OPEN FOR ♪ ANYONE, NO (NO, NO)
ANYONE BUT YOU (OH, NO) ♪ FOR ANYONE BUT YOU
FOR ANYONE ♪ AND I CAN'T FIND, OOH-OOH,
OOH-OOH ♪ AND I CAN'T FIND,
OH, OH, OOH, WOAH ♪ AND I CAN'T FIND
OH, OOH-OOH ♪ I CAN'T FIND,
OH, OH, WOAH ♪ I CAN'T FIND ANYONE, OH, OH
I CAN'T FIND ANYONE ♪ I CAN'T FIND
ANYONE ♪ ♪ ♪
♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: THANK YOU.
JUST BEAUTIFUL.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
H.E.R., EVERYBODY.
THAT'S IT FOR "THE LATE SHOW."
TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUESTS WILL BE THE STARS OF "DUNE,"
TIMOTHEE CHALAMET AND ZENDAYA.
JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT.
GOOD NIGHT.
>> Stephen: HELLO!
IS THAT LITERALLY SOMEONE MOVING IT, OR WHAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE
HAPPENING HERE?
I-- I NO LONGER REPRESENT WHAT THE ALGORITHM CONSIDERS A HUMAN
FACE.
( LAUGHTER )