1 00:00:01,868 --> 00:00:03,403 >> THE EMPTY SHELVES CRISIS MAY 2 00:00:03,470 --> 00:00:06,639 SOON BE TURNING INTO AN EMPTY BOTTLE CRISIS-- WINE BOTTLES, 3 00:00:06,706 --> 00:00:09,142 THAT IS-- BECAUSE THE SUPPLY CHAIN ISSUE IS AFFECTING THE 4 00:00:09,209 --> 00:00:12,746 WINE INDUSTRY. 5 00:00:12,812 --> 00:00:14,681 SO THEY'RE HAVING DIFFICULTY GETTING THE GLASS NEEDED TO 6 00:00:14,748 --> 00:00:15,882 BOTTLE THEIR WINE. 7 00:00:15,949 --> 00:00:21,087 >> AT FRANZIA, WE UNDERSTAND THE CRISIS THE WINE INDUSTRY IS 8 00:00:21,154 --> 00:00:25,291 GOING THROUGH, SO WE WOULD JUST LIKE TO SAY HA-HA-HA-- SUCK IT. 9 00:00:25,358 --> 00:00:27,861 SUCK IT THROUGH OUR PLASTIC SPIGOT. 10 00:00:27,927 --> 00:00:32,799 FOR YEARS, YOU TURNED YOUR NOSE UP AT BOXED WINE, JUST BECAUSE 11 00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:36,770 WE COME IN THE SAME CONTAINER GYM SHOES DO. 12 00:00:36,836 --> 00:00:37,904 WELL, WHO'S LAUGHING NOW? 13 00:00:37,971 --> 00:00:43,610 SURE, WE'RE THE BUTT OF YOUR JOKES BECAUSE OUR WINE ONLY 14 00:00:43,676 --> 00:00:45,678 COMES IN THREE FLAVORS: WET, BOOK CLUB CRUNK, AND GRAB BAG. 15 00:00:45,745 --> 00:00:52,452 BUT HOW MANY WINES CAN BE WORN AS A BACKPACK? 16 00:00:52,519 --> 00:00:53,720 SO ( BLEEP ) YOU, BOTTLED WINE. 17 00:00:53,787 --> 00:00:56,322 YOU'LL ENJOY EVERY SIP OF FRANZIA, BECAUSE GUESS WHAT? 18 00:00:56,389 --> 00:00:57,657 YOU DON'T HAVE A CHOICE ANYMORE. 19 00:00:57,724 --> 00:01:01,928 FRANZIA: YOU'LL DRINK WHAT'S IN OUR BOX. 20 00:01:01,995 --> 00:01:04,464 >> Announcer: IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT." 21 00:01:04,531 --> 00:01:13,173 TONIGHT: UP TO NO GOOD. 22 00:01:13,239 --> 00:01:21,147 PLUS, STEPHEN WELCOMES: NICK OFFERMAN 23 00:01:21,214 --> 00:01:21,681 AND CHARLAMANGE THA GOD FEATURING JON BATISTE AND STAY 24 00:01:24,951 --> 00:01:25,118 HUMAN. 25 00:01:27,520 --> 00:01:30,156 AND NOW, LIVE ON TAPE FROM THE ED SULLIVAN THEATER IN NEW YORK 26 00:01:30,223 --> 00:01:33,193 CITY, IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT! 27 00:01:35,295 --> 00:01:37,597 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪ 28 00:01:37,664 --> 00:01:38,498 >> Stephen: THERE YOU GO? 29 00:01:38,565 --> 00:01:39,532 RIGHT HERE. 30 00:01:39,599 --> 00:01:40,700 HEY, I'M GOING TO STAND HERE. 31 00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:47,140 WHY DON'T YOU GUYS HAVE A SEAT RIGHT OVER THERE. 32 00:01:47,207 --> 00:01:51,744 WE'LL BE WITH YOU IN JUST A MOMENT. 33 00:01:51,811 --> 00:01:52,679 FRANZIA. 34 00:01:52,745 --> 00:01:56,516 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I LIKE THE SPARKLES. 35 00:01:56,583 --> 00:01:59,352 WOOO! 36 00:01:59,419 --> 00:01:59,853 LOOKING GOOD. 37 00:01:59,919 --> 00:02:02,388 YOU LOOK GOOD. 38 00:02:02,455 --> 00:02:03,556 HEY! 39 00:02:03,623 --> 00:02:06,960 WELCOME, ONE AND ALL-- LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE HAVE A 40 00:02:07,026 --> 00:02:07,994 SEAT. 41 00:02:08,061 --> 00:02:09,095 WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW." 42 00:02:09,162 --> 00:02:13,299 I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. 43 00:02:13,366 --> 00:02:14,968 FOLKS, WITH OUR COUNTRY MORE DIVIDED MORE THAN EVER, I THINK 44 00:02:15,034 --> 00:02:17,770 IT'S IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER THE ONE THING THAT UNITES US ALL, 45 00:02:17,837 --> 00:02:22,375 THE CREDO WE LIVE BY: GIMME MORE STUFF. 46 00:02:22,442 --> 00:02:25,011 ( LAUGHTER ) BUT NOW, THAT GIMME-GIMME 47 00:02:25,078 --> 00:02:26,346 LIFESTYLE IS THREATENED, BECAUSE AMERICA IS FACING AN 48 00:02:26,412 --> 00:02:30,316 UNPRECEDENTED SUPPLY CHAIN CRISIS, AND I'LL TELL YOU ALL 49 00:02:30,383 --> 00:02:41,561 ABOUT IT IN MY NEW SEGMENT: "CARGO UNCHAINED." 50 00:02:41,628 --> 00:02:42,729 >> WE'RE IN DEEP SHIP! 51 00:02:42,795 --> 00:02:47,667 >> Stephen: BECAUSE OF COVID LOCKDOWNS AND LABOR SHORTAGES, 52 00:02:47,734 --> 00:02:50,303 AND A LACK OF SHIPPING CONTAINERS, EVERYTHING YOU WANT 53 00:02:50,370 --> 00:02:56,776 IS EITHER NOT MADE YET, STUCK ON A BOAT, OR WAITING FOR A TRUCKER 54 00:02:56,843 --> 00:02:59,479 WHO CAN'T DRIVE BECAUSE THE GATORADE BOTTLE HE NEEDS TO PEE 55 00:02:59,546 --> 00:03:02,382 IN IS STUCK ON A BOAT OR HASN'T BEEN MADE YET. 56 00:03:02,448 --> 00:03:03,349 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 57 00:03:03,416 --> 00:03:10,557 AND NOW-- THIS IS TRUE. 58 00:03:10,623 --> 00:03:12,825 NOW, GLOBAL SUPPLY CHAIN PROBLEMS ARE LEADING TO EMPTY 59 00:03:12,892 --> 00:03:14,227 SHELVES AT GROCERY STORES. 60 00:03:14,294 --> 00:03:16,596 IT'S SO BAD THAT WHOLE FOODS HAS HAD TO CHANGE THEIR NAME TO 61 00:03:16,663 --> 00:03:18,498 "PART FOODS." 62 00:03:18,565 --> 00:03:20,166 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 63 00:03:20,233 --> 00:03:25,572 OVERON THE-- OVER ON THE FROZEN FOOD AISLE, THERE'S A SHORTAGE 64 00:03:25,638 --> 00:03:34,581 OF FISH STICKS, FROZEN MEALS AND MARIE CALLENDER'S POT PIES. 65 00:03:34,647 --> 00:03:37,951 IT'S A HUGE BLOW TO DIVORCED DADS: 66 00:03:38,017 --> 00:03:40,386 "ALL RIGHT, KIDS, WHAT ELSE CAN DAD MAKE? 67 00:03:40,453 --> 00:03:48,895 WHAT CAN I WHIP UP WITH MILLER LITE, AND A TUB OF CORN STARCH. 68 00:03:48,962 --> 00:03:49,829 WHO'S READY FOR LUMPY BEER PANCAKES?" 69 00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:52,298 IT'S NOT JUST FOOD. 70 00:03:52,365 --> 00:03:53,833 IT'S ALSO DRINK, BECAUSE A GLOBAL SHORTAGE OF CO2 IS HAVING 71 00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:56,703 AN EFFECT ON THE SUPPLY OF CARBONATED DRINKS. 72 00:03:56,769 --> 00:04:00,673 SO GET READY FOR THIS SEASON'S HOT NEW BEVERAGE: COKE FLAT: 73 00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:03,610 NONE OF THE FIZZ, ALL OF THE BROWN. 74 00:04:03,676 --> 00:04:05,178 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 75 00:04:05,244 --> 00:04:08,982 THERE'S ALSO-- DO THEY SPONSOR, COKE FLAT? 76 00:04:09,048 --> 00:04:10,550 STILL GOOD. 77 00:04:10,617 --> 00:04:13,853 STILL-- STILL-- THERE'S ALSO LIMITED 78 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:21,794 AVAILABILITY OF SOUR PATCH KIDS, SWEDISH FISH, AND TOBLERONE. 79 00:04:21,861 --> 00:04:22,962 NO, NOT TOBLERONE! 80 00:04:23,029 --> 00:04:28,568 WHAT AM I GOING TO BUY AT THE DUTY-FREE SHOP TO GO WITH MY 81 00:04:28,635 --> 00:04:35,141 GALLON OF BOMBAY SAPPHIRE AND BUCKET OF PACO RABBEN. 82 00:04:35,208 --> 00:04:37,844 AND BRACE YOURSELVES, BECAUSE AMERICA IS RUNNING LOW ON 83 00:04:37,910 --> 00:04:40,546 BEN & JERRY'S. 84 00:04:40,613 --> 00:04:47,820 I SCREAM, YOU SCREAM, WE ALL SCREAM: WHERE THE ( BLEEP ) ICE 85 00:04:47,887 --> 00:04:48,321 CREAM? 86 00:04:48,388 --> 00:04:49,255 THIS IS NOT A JOKE. 87 00:04:49,322 --> 00:04:51,157 JUST, EVERYONE, CALM DOWN! 88 00:04:51,224 --> 00:04:53,059 DON'T PANIC! 89 00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:57,797 IT'S GOING TO BE OKAY. 90 00:04:57,864 --> 00:05:01,034 BEN AND JERRY, OUR TWO ICE CREAM ZADDIES, HAVE PROMISED 91 00:05:01,100 --> 00:05:04,570 THE COMPANY WILL FOCUS ON PRODUCING ITS MOST POPULAR 92 00:05:04,637 --> 00:05:10,043 FLAVORS, WHICH, ACCORDING TO THEIR WEBSITE, INCLUDE 93 00:05:10,109 --> 00:05:20,153 PHISH FOOD, CHERRY GARCIA, HALF BAKED AND, 94 00:05:20,219 --> 00:05:24,824 AMERICONE DREAM, BABY. 95 00:05:24,891 --> 00:05:25,224 BOOM! 96 00:05:25,291 --> 00:05:25,992 THAT'S RIGHT! 97 00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:28,494 COME ON, WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT? 98 00:05:28,561 --> 00:05:29,796 IT'S TRUE. 99 00:05:29,862 --> 00:05:33,800 TAKE THAT, I'M POPULAR! 100 00:05:33,866 --> 00:05:35,702 EVERYONE I KNEW IN MIDDLE SCHOOL! 101 00:05:35,768 --> 00:05:37,837 BUT YOU MIGHT BE IN TROUBLE IF YOU PREFER ONE OF BEN & JERRY'S 102 00:05:37,904 --> 00:05:39,472 LESS POPULAR FLAVORS LIKE CHUNKS OF REAL MONKEY, 103 00:05:39,539 --> 00:05:42,842 CHERRY ORBACH, AND INATTENTIVE HUBBY. 104 00:05:42,909 --> 00:05:44,210 WE'RE ALSO FACING A WINE SHORTAGE. 105 00:05:44,277 --> 00:05:45,845 NO! 106 00:05:45,912 --> 00:05:46,579 NO! 107 00:05:46,646 --> 00:05:49,449 FROZEN FOODS, FINE. 108 00:05:49,515 --> 00:05:50,183 CANDY, WHO NEEDS IT. 109 00:05:50,249 --> 00:05:51,951 BUT A WINE SHORTAGE? 110 00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:54,287 ME AD MY BOOK CLUB ARE BUYING ZIP TIES AND STORMING THE 111 00:05:54,353 --> 00:05:56,222 CAPITOL. 112 00:05:56,289 --> 00:05:58,257 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 113 00:05:58,324 --> 00:06:00,426 ONE REASON-- WHO'S WITH ME? 114 00:06:00,493 --> 00:06:04,864 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YOU DON'T SEEM ENTIRELY WITH ME 115 00:06:04,931 --> 00:06:07,033 ON THAT ONE. 116 00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:12,805 ONE REASON IS THERE'S NO PLACE TO PUT THE WINE WE DO HAVE 117 00:06:12,872 --> 00:06:15,074 IS BECAUSE OF A GLASS BOTTLE CRUNCH. 118 00:06:15,141 --> 00:06:16,275 INCIDENTALLY, "GLASS BOTTLE CRUNCH" IS ALSO ONE OF BEN & 119 00:06:16,342 --> 00:06:18,344 JERRY'S LEAST POPULAR FLAVORS. 120 00:06:18,411 --> 00:06:27,520 ( APPLAUSE ) IN VACCINE NEWS, TODAY WE 121 00:06:27,587 --> 00:06:29,422 LEARNED THAT THE F.D.A. PLANS TO ALLOW A MIX-AND-MATCH 122 00:06:29,489 --> 00:06:34,260 APPROACH FOR COVID BOOSTER SHOTS. 123 00:06:34,327 --> 00:06:36,095 YES, MIXING DIFFERENT KINDS OF PROTECTION IS SMART. 124 00:06:36,162 --> 00:06:36,996 THAT'S WHY WHEN I GO OUT IN THE SUN, I WEAR A BIG FLOPPY HAT, 125 00:06:37,063 --> 00:06:38,865 SUNSCREEN, AND A CONDOM. 126 00:06:38,931 --> 00:06:39,665 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 127 00:06:39,732 --> 00:06:40,767 CAN'T BE TOO CAREFUL. 128 00:06:40,833 --> 00:06:43,970 CANNOT BE TOO CAREFUL. 129 00:06:44,036 --> 00:06:45,972 THE GOVERNMENT IS CAREFUL TO SAY THEY WOULD NOT RECOMMEND ONE 130 00:06:46,038 --> 00:06:49,208 SHOT OVER ANOTHER. 131 00:06:49,275 --> 00:06:55,047 THEY'RE LIKE PARENTS TALKING TO THEIR KIDS ABOUT COLLEGE: "HEY, 132 00:06:55,114 --> 00:06:58,518 PICK WHATEVER MAJOR MAKES YOU HAPPY, AS LONG AS IT'S NOT 133 00:06:58,584 --> 00:07:01,220 POETRY OR JOHNSON & JOHNSON." 134 00:07:01,287 --> 00:07:06,459 AND DESPITE-- AND DID SPITE-- WHAT'S GOING ON WITH THIS TIE. 135 00:07:06,526 --> 00:07:08,594 DESPITE ALL THE BENEFITS OF VACCINATION, A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE 136 00:07:08,661 --> 00:07:10,296 STILL REFUSING TO GET THE SHOT, LIKE WASHINGTON STATE FOOTBALL 137 00:07:10,363 --> 00:07:16,269 COACH AND MAN WHO EITHER HAS A VERY LARGE HEAD OR A VERY TINY 138 00:07:16,335 --> 00:07:17,436 FACE, NICK ROLOVICH. 139 00:07:17,503 --> 00:07:20,473 WASHINGTON STATE RECENTLY INSTITUTED A VACCINE MANDATE FOR 140 00:07:20,540 --> 00:07:24,043 MOST STATE EMPLOYEES, BUT DESPITE THAT, ROLOVICH SAID HE 141 00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:28,481 WOULDN'T GET VACCINATED, SO WASHINGTON STATE FIRED HIM. 142 00:07:28,548 --> 00:07:37,456 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) AND BECAUSE IT'S SPORTS, THEY 143 00:07:37,523 --> 00:07:41,160 FIRED HIM OUT OF A TEE SHIRT CANNON. 144 00:07:41,227 --> 00:07:45,198 ( LAUGHTER ) THERE'S ALSO VAX TROUBLE FOR 145 00:07:45,264 --> 00:07:47,333 HOCKEY PLAYER FOR THE SAN JOSE SHARKS, EVANDER KANE, SEEN HERE 146 00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:51,971 SKATING INTO THE CORNER OF A COFFEE TABLE. 147 00:07:52,038 --> 00:07:55,141 YESTERDAY, THE NATIONAL HOCKEY LEAGUE SUSPENDED KANE AFTER AN 148 00:07:55,208 --> 00:07:57,176 INVESTIGATION FOUND THAT HE SUBMITTED A FORGED VACCINATION 149 00:07:57,243 --> 00:07:59,478 CARD. 150 00:07:59,545 --> 00:08:02,682 ( BOOING ) HOW DARE HE THREATEN THE LIVES 151 00:08:02,748 --> 00:08:10,623 OF MEN WHO USE GIANT STICKS TO SLAM EACH AT HIGH SPEEDS INTO 152 00:08:10,690 --> 00:08:12,291 WALLS WITH BLADES STRAPPED TO THEIR FEET. 153 00:08:12,358 --> 00:08:14,627 THIS AIN'T A SLAP SHOT ON THE WRIST. 154 00:08:14,694 --> 00:08:17,196 THE LEAGUE SUSPENDED EVANDER FOR 21 GAMES. 155 00:08:17,263 --> 00:08:18,531 ( APPLAUSE ) OKAY, HE'S OUT. 156 00:08:18,598 --> 00:08:21,167 HE CAN'T-- HE CAN'T-- HE'S GONE. 157 00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:22,535 21 GAMES. 158 00:08:22,602 --> 00:08:29,141 BUT KEEP IN MIND, HE'S A SHARK. 159 00:08:29,208 --> 00:08:29,775 IF HE STOPS MOVING, HE'LL DIE... 160 00:08:29,842 --> 00:08:31,410 IS ALL I KNOW ABOUT HOCKEY. 161 00:08:31,477 --> 00:08:32,678 HERE'S THE MOST SURPRISING PART THOUGH: THE N.H.L. DOES NOT HAVE 162 00:08:32,745 --> 00:08:33,212 A VACCINE MANDATE. 163 00:08:33,279 --> 00:08:37,216 WHAT? 164 00:08:37,283 --> 00:08:39,886 THEN WHY SUBMIT THE FORGED CARD? 165 00:08:39,952 --> 00:08:44,624 "LOOK, I KNOW YOU DON'T REQUIRE A DRUG TEST, BUT HERE'S A CUP OF 166 00:08:44,690 --> 00:08:45,224 MY COUSIN'S URINE." 167 00:08:45,291 --> 00:08:48,427 ( LAUGHTER ) OKAY. 168 00:08:48,494 --> 00:08:51,998 ANTI-VAXXERS MIGHT EVEN AFFECT HOLIDAY TRAVEL, BECAUSE THE 169 00:08:52,064 --> 00:08:59,906 DEADLINE FOR BIDEN'S FEDERAL VACCINE MANDATE IS ONE MONTH 170 00:08:59,972 --> 00:09:03,609 AWAY, AND SO FAR, ONLY ABOUT 60% OF THE T.S.A.'s WORKFORCE HAS 171 00:09:03,676 --> 00:09:04,577 BEEN VACCINATED. 172 00:09:04,644 --> 00:09:05,845 WHY DOESN'T THE T.S.A> WANT TO GET VACCINATED? 173 00:09:05,912 --> 00:09:09,215 THEY'VE GOT MORE EXPOSURES THAN ANYONE-- ESPECIALLY TO WHATEVER 174 00:09:09,282 --> 00:09:12,551 YOU CAN CATCH FROM PATTING DOWN AMERICA'S AMPLE FRONT BUTTS. 175 00:09:12,618 --> 00:09:15,087 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 176 00:09:15,154 --> 00:09:16,355 IF MORE T.S.A. WORKERS DON'T GET THEIR SHOTS, HOLIDAYS AT THE 177 00:09:16,422 --> 00:09:24,163 AIRPORT WILL BE GUMMED UP WITH SHORT STAFFING AND LONGER LINES. 178 00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:27,366 SO PASSENGERS MAY HAVE TO WAIT HOURS BEFORE BOARDING THE PLANE 179 00:09:27,433 --> 00:09:37,176 BEFORE BITING A FLIGHT ATTENDANT. 180 00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:38,611 IF THE T.S.A. CAN'T FIND ENOUGH WORKERS, THEY'RE CONSIDERING 181 00:09:38,678 --> 00:09:39,946 K9 TEAMS FOR STAFFING AND SECURITY. 182 00:09:40,012 --> 00:09:40,713 THAT'S RIGHT-- SECURITY DOGS! 183 00:09:40,780 --> 00:09:43,516 FIRST, YOU PAT ME, THEN I PAT YOU. 184 00:09:43,582 --> 00:09:47,887 SORRY, I'M SORRY. 185 00:09:47,954 --> 00:09:51,157 I'M SORRY, AGENT, PLEASE STEP OUT OF LINE, 186 00:09:51,223 --> 00:09:53,059 YOU'VE BEEN RANDOMLY SELECTED FOR A TUMMY RUB. 187 00:09:53,125 --> 00:09:56,896 WE'RE GOING TO FIND OUT WHO'S A GOOD BOY. 188 00:09:56,963 --> 00:10:00,032 PEOPLE ARE RELUCTANT TO GET THE SHOT IN PART BECAUSE ON THE 189 00:10:00,099 --> 00:10:05,037 INTERNET, COVID CONSPIRACIES ARE STILL HIGHLY CONTAGIOUS. 190 00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:06,939 AND WE'LL TELL YOU THE LATEST IN TONIGHT'S "DISINFORMATION 191 00:10:07,006 --> 00:10:07,873 STATION." 192 00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:12,144 >> I WAS MADE IN A LAB BY TIMOTHEE CHALAMET! 193 00:10:12,211 --> 00:10:15,982 >> Stephen: I BELIEVE IT. 194 00:10:16,048 --> 00:10:17,283 THROUGHOUT THE PAST SIX MONTHS, WE'VE BEEN RACING TO GET KIDS 195 00:10:17,350 --> 00:10:19,852 VACCINATED SO THEY CAN BE SAFE IN SCHOOL. 196 00:10:19,919 --> 00:10:21,420 BUT ONE PRIVATE SCHOOL IN FLORIDA IS DOING IT BACKWARDS, 197 00:10:21,487 --> 00:10:25,191 SAYING THAT VACCINATED STUDENTS MUST STAY HOME FOR 30 DAYS TO 198 00:10:25,257 --> 00:10:25,591 PROTECT OTHERS. 199 00:10:25,658 --> 00:10:27,059 THAT'S RIGHT. 200 00:10:27,126 --> 00:10:31,330 THEY'RE WORRIED ABOUT THE DANGERS OF VACCINATED KIDS, 201 00:10:31,397 --> 00:10:34,633 WHILE LEAVING THE KIDS WITHOUT SHOTS IN SCHOOL. 202 00:10:34,700 --> 00:10:36,402 HOW DO THEY DO FIRE SAFETY? 203 00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:39,972 "KIDS, IF YOU CATCH FIRE, REMEMBER THE THREE STEPS: 204 00:10:40,039 --> 00:10:41,007 RUN, FLAME, AND HUG." 205 00:10:41,073 --> 00:10:43,409 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 206 00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:46,879 THE SCHOOL'S NEW POLICY-- ( APPLAUSE ) 207 00:10:46,946 --> 00:10:48,714 I DON'T KNOW. 208 00:10:48,781 --> 00:10:50,349 I DON'T KNOW. 209 00:10:50,416 --> 00:10:54,120 THE SCHOOL'S NEW POLICY IS BASED ON THE POPULAR AND STUPID COVID 210 00:10:54,186 --> 00:10:57,189 CONSPIRACY CALLED "SHEDDING," WHERE VACCINATED PEOPLE 211 00:10:57,256 --> 00:10:59,625 SUPPOSEDLY WALK AROUND CROP DUSTING POISON, OR SOME MADE-UP 212 00:10:59,692 --> 00:11:01,193 THING. 213 00:11:01,260 --> 00:11:04,363 WHICH IS WHY THE SCHOOL'S ANNOUNCEMENT EMAIL REPEATED 214 00:11:04,430 --> 00:11:08,634 FALSE CLAIMS THAT VACCINATED PEOPLE COULD PASS ON SO-CALLED 215 00:11:08,701 --> 00:11:09,201 HARMFUL EFFECTS OF THE SHOT. 216 00:11:09,268 --> 00:11:12,238 YEAH, HARMFUL EFFECTS. 217 00:11:12,304 --> 00:11:13,506 THAT'S WHY I DON'T WEAR HELMETS: HOW DARE YOU CONFINE MY BRAIN TO 218 00:11:13,572 --> 00:11:14,940 MY SKULL! 219 00:11:15,007 --> 00:11:18,778 ( LAUGHTER ) THE SCHOOL'S LEADERSHIP DOUBLED 220 00:11:18,844 --> 00:11:21,714 DOWN ON NOT KNOWING WHAT THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT, SAYING, 221 00:11:21,781 --> 00:11:24,850 "THE SCHOOL IS NOT OPINING AS TO WHETHER UNEXPLAINED PHENOMENA 222 00:11:24,917 --> 00:11:27,987 HAVE A BASIS IN FACT. 223 00:11:28,054 --> 00:11:32,591 HOWEVER, WE PREFER TO ERR ON THE SIDE OF CAUTION." 224 00:11:32,658 --> 00:11:34,360 YES, FACTS HAVE NO PLACE IN SCHOOL! 225 00:11:34,427 --> 00:11:36,529 SO, KIDS, GET READY FOR SEX ED 101: HOW TO PUT A CONDOM ON THE 226 00:11:36,595 --> 00:11:38,931 STORK BEFORE IT DELIVERS YOUR BABY. 227 00:11:38,998 --> 00:11:41,500 ( LAUGHTER ) WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU 228 00:11:41,567 --> 00:11:42,568 TONIGHT. 229 00:11:42,635 --> 00:11:46,472 MY GUESTS ARE NICK OFFERMAN AND CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD. 230 00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:48,908 BUT WHEN WE COME BACK, "MEANWHILE!" 231 00:11:48,974 --> 00:11:50,476 JOIN US. 232 00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:52,044 YOU'RE GOING TO LIKE IT. 233 00:12:19,405 --> 00:12:20,673 ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY. 234 00:12:20,739 --> 00:12:22,274 JON BATISTE AND STAY HUMAN. 235 00:12:22,341 --> 00:12:23,442 THAT'S THE BAND, NOT ME. 236 00:12:23,509 --> 00:12:29,448 THAT'S THE BAND RIGHT OVER THERE. 237 00:12:29,515 --> 00:12:31,817 ( APPLAUSE ) HELLO, JON. 238 00:12:31,884 --> 00:12:32,985 >> Jon: HELLO. 239 00:12:33,052 --> 00:12:36,155 >> Stephen: YOU HAVE A NICE-- YOU HAVE SORT OF A "SATURDAY 240 00:12:36,222 --> 00:12:37,923 NIGHT FEVER" THING GOING ON TONIGHT. 241 00:12:37,990 --> 00:12:38,491 >> Jon: YEAH. 242 00:12:38,557 --> 00:12:39,859 I WON THE DANTZ BATTLE. 243 00:12:39,925 --> 00:12:41,560 DID YOU SEE? 244 00:12:41,627 --> 00:12:44,763 >> Stephen: YOU HAVE A LOT OF RETRO SPARKLE GOING ON, TOO. 245 00:12:44,830 --> 00:12:45,998 >> Jon: I LIKE THE ENERGY. 246 00:12:46,065 --> 00:12:47,633 I'M FEELING GOOD TODAY, YOU KNOW,. 247 00:12:47,700 --> 00:12:48,501 >> Stephen: I AM, TOO. 248 00:12:48,567 --> 00:12:49,869 WE'VE GOT-- ( APPLAUSE ) 249 00:12:49,935 --> 00:12:53,205 WE GOT SOME DEAR FRIENDS, DEAR FRIENDS OF THE SHOW COMING ON 250 00:12:53,272 --> 00:12:54,840 TONIGHT, JUST A LITTLE BIT. 251 00:12:54,907 --> 00:12:58,844 OUR FRIEND NICK OFFERMAN IS GOING TO BE OUT HERE IN JUST A 252 00:12:58,911 --> 00:12:59,778 MOMENT. 253 00:12:59,845 --> 00:13:01,347 ( APPLAUSE ) ALWAYS A SOOTHING-- ALWAYS 254 00:13:01,413 --> 00:13:02,581 SOOTHING PRESENCE. 255 00:13:02,648 --> 00:13:05,551 AND, OF COURSE, CHARLAMAGNE THE GOD IS GOING TO BE OUT HERE IN 256 00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:08,454 JUST A MOMENT. 257 00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:11,457 ANOTHER DEAR FRIENDS OF HOURS. 258 00:13:11,524 --> 00:13:16,962 HIS NEW SHOW "THA GOD'S HONEST TRUTH" ON COMEDY CENTRAL. 259 00:13:17,029 --> 00:13:21,367 ONE OTHER THING GOING ON, PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT. 260 00:13:21,433 --> 00:13:32,111 A LOT OF PEOPLE COME UP TO ME-- AND THIS IS NO SURPRISE. 261 00:13:32,178 --> 00:13:33,312 THEY SAY, "STEVE, YOUR PROGRAM IS A FEAST FOR THE SENSES, BUT 262 00:13:33,379 --> 00:13:34,480 I'M ON A DIET. 263 00:13:34,547 --> 00:13:36,148 CAN I GET A VERSION OF 'THE LATE SHOW' THAT DOESN'T INCLUDE 264 00:13:36,215 --> 00:13:37,950 VISUALS?" WELL, GREG, I'M HAPPY TO SAY 265 00:13:38,017 --> 00:13:40,686 THAT SOON YOU CAN. 266 00:13:40,753 --> 00:13:43,856 BECAUSE STARTING NEXT WEEK, WE'RE LAUNCHING OUR NEW PODCAST, 267 00:13:43,923 --> 00:13:46,025 "THE LATE SHOW POD SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT." 268 00:13:46,091 --> 00:13:50,229 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) EVERY WEEKDAY-- YEAH. 269 00:13:50,296 --> 00:13:50,729 EXACTLY. 270 00:13:50,796 --> 00:13:51,430 >> Jon: IT'S COMING! 271 00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:54,667 >> Stephen: THAT DESERVES IT. 272 00:13:54,733 --> 00:13:57,937 I WAS WAITING TO GIVE THIS PODCASTING THING A CHANCE TO 273 00:13:58,003 --> 00:13:59,104 CATCH ON. 274 00:13:59,171 --> 00:14:01,240 AND I THINK IT'S BEGINNING-- IT'S BEGINNING TO BE A THING. 275 00:14:01,307 --> 00:14:04,843 I SAID, DADDY'S IN." 276 00:14:04,910 --> 00:14:06,078 EVERY WEEKDAY, YOU'LL GET THE LATEST "LATE SHOW" IN CONVENIENT 277 00:14:06,145 --> 00:14:08,214 POD FORM. 278 00:14:08,280 --> 00:14:12,017 THE TOPICAL MONOLOGUES, THE MEANWHILE-IEST "MEANWHILES," THE 279 00:14:12,084 --> 00:14:16,388 HARD-HITTING INTERVIEWS WITH TODAY'S MOST INTERESTING 280 00:14:16,455 --> 00:14:19,625 NEWSMAKERS, AND THE SOFT-HITTING INTERVIEWS WITH TODAY'S MOST 281 00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:20,859 SYMMETRICAL CELEBRITIES. 282 00:14:20,926 --> 00:14:23,929 AND I'M PROUD TO SAY THAT "THE LATE SHOW" POD SHOW WILL BE THE 283 00:14:23,996 --> 00:14:26,265 ONLY PODCAST THAT ISN'T ABOUT A SERIAL KILLER. 284 00:14:26,332 --> 00:14:29,401 OR IS IT? 285 00:14:29,468 --> 00:14:32,238 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 286 00:14:32,304 --> 00:14:36,475 "THE LATE SHOW POD SHOW" PREMIERES MONDAY, OCTOBER 25. 287 00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:40,446 BUT YOU CAN HEAR THE TRAILER NOW AND FOLLOW THE PODCAST ON 288 00:14:40,512 --> 00:14:42,481 SPOTIFY, APPLE PODCASTS, BLOOFY, YOUR SMART FRIDGE, A GAS STATION 289 00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:48,053 PUMP SCREEN, OR WHEREVER YOU CONSUME PODCASTS. 290 00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:52,558 FOLKS, I KNOW-- ( APPLAUSE ) 291 00:14:52,625 --> 00:14:53,459 REALLY? 292 00:14:53,525 --> 00:14:55,594 REALLY? 293 00:14:55,661 --> 00:15:01,467 THAT'S THIRSTY. 294 00:15:01,533 --> 00:15:07,406 FOLKS, I SPEND A LOT OF TIME STANDING RIGHT OVER THERE, 295 00:15:07,473 --> 00:15:09,375 COMBIG THROUGH HOURS UPON HOURS OF GAME ON THE MOST PROMISING 296 00:15:09,441 --> 00:15:11,043 HEADLINES, METICULOUSLY CRAFTING MY BIG BOARD TO RANK STORIES 297 00:15:11,110 --> 00:15:13,846 BASED ON THEIR RAW TALENT AND INTANGIBLES, AND CUT DEALS FOR 298 00:15:13,912 --> 00:15:16,849 THE MOST TOPICAL TRADES TO DRAFT THE ONCE-IN-A-GENERATION, 299 00:15:16,915 --> 00:15:26,258 HEISMAN-WINNING QUARTERBACK THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE. 300 00:15:26,325 --> 00:15:28,460 BUT SOMETIMES, JUST SOMETIMES I WAKE UP IN AN ICE BATH AFTER 301 00:15:28,527 --> 00:15:29,995 DOING RAILS OF GATORADE POWDER, REALIZE IT'S DRAFT DAY, AND I 302 00:15:30,062 --> 00:15:31,897 HAVE 15 SECONDS LEFT TO MAKE A CHOICE AND BLURT OUT THE FIRST 303 00:15:31,964 --> 00:15:33,432 NAME I SEE TO WASTE THE NUMBER ONE OVERALL PICK ON THE SCRAWNY, 304 00:15:33,499 --> 00:15:36,302 UNPOLISHED THIRD-STRING PUNTER OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT, 305 00:15:36,368 --> 00:15:46,745 "MEANWHILE!" ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) 306 00:15:46,812 --> 00:15:49,114 "MEANWHILE KNOWS ALL. 307 00:15:49,181 --> 00:15:53,452 IT FORGIVES ALL. 308 00:15:53,519 --> 00:15:55,454 MEANWHILE, A CANADIAN COCA-COLA FAN EARNED A SPOT IN "THE 309 00:15:55,521 --> 00:16:00,059 GUINNESS BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS" BY COLLECTING 11,308 DIFFERENT 310 00:16:00,125 --> 00:16:03,595 CANS ISSUED BY THE SOFT DRINK COMPANY. 311 00:16:03,662 --> 00:16:05,264 THAT'S IMPRESSIVE. 312 00:16:05,331 --> 00:16:07,666 BUT I THINK THE REAL WINNER HERE IS DIABETES. 313 00:16:07,733 --> 00:16:13,439 ( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, ADELE DROPPED HER NEW 314 00:16:13,505 --> 00:16:17,076 SINGLE, "EASY ON ME," THIS WEEKEND AND IMMEDIATELY SET THE 315 00:16:17,142 --> 00:16:21,480 RECORD FOR SPOTIFY'S MOST-STREAMED SONG IN A SINGLE 316 00:16:21,547 --> 00:16:26,118 DAY AND RECEIVED THE MOST FIRST-DAY ALEXA SONG REQUESTS IN 317 00:16:26,185 --> 00:16:27,152 AMAZON MUSIC HISTORY. 318 00:16:27,219 --> 00:16:30,022 BEFORE THIS, THE NUMBER ONE REQUEST OF ALEXA WAS: 319 00:16:30,089 --> 00:16:30,389 ALEXA. 320 00:16:30,456 --> 00:16:31,757 STOP TIMER. 321 00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:37,196 STOP... HONEY, CAN YOU MUTE THE TV? 322 00:16:37,262 --> 00:16:39,431 IT'S CONFUSING ALEXA. 323 00:16:39,498 --> 00:16:43,068 STOP TIMER. 324 00:16:43,135 --> 00:16:46,372 NO, DON'T SET ANOTHER TIMER-- FINE. 325 00:16:46,438 --> 00:16:48,741 FINE, SET TIME. 326 00:16:48,807 --> 00:16:50,976 MEANWHILE, NEW RESEARCH HAS REVEALED THAT HUMANS WERE USING 327 00:16:51,043 --> 00:16:53,212 TOBACCO AT LEAST 12,000 YEARS AGO. 328 00:16:53,278 --> 00:16:56,915 RESEARCHERS FOUND CHARRED SEEDS FOUND IN AN ANCIENT HEARTH USED 329 00:16:56,982 --> 00:16:59,451 BY HUNTER-GATHERERS IN WHAT'S NOW UTAH. 330 00:16:59,518 --> 00:17:06,859 YOU GOTTA GET RID OF THE SEEDS, MAN. 331 00:17:06,925 --> 00:17:08,660 "QUICK, OG, MY PARENTS ARE ALMOST BACK FROM 332 00:17:08,727 --> 00:17:09,762 HUNTER-GATHERING. 333 00:17:09,828 --> 00:17:13,132 HIDE THE STASH, OR I'LL BE GROUNDED FOR THE REST OF MY 334 00:17:13,198 --> 00:17:18,103 LIFE, WHICH IS NOT THAT MUCH TIME BECAUSE WE DIE SO YOUNG. 335 00:17:18,170 --> 00:17:20,939 MEANWHILE, IF YOU'RE LOOKING TO SPICE UP THE COUNTDOWN TO 336 00:17:21,006 --> 00:17:23,876 CHRISTMAS, FASHION RETAILER AND SEX TOY DISTRIBUTOR NASTY GAL 337 00:17:23,942 --> 00:17:32,818 HAS LAUNCHED THEIR 12 DAYS OF SEXMAS SEX TOY ADVENT CALENDAR-- 338 00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:34,052 BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW THERE'S NO BETTER WAY THAN A BOX OF SEX 339 00:17:34,119 --> 00:17:37,356 TOYS TO COMMEMORATE THE STORY OF HISTORY'S MOST FAMOUS VIRGIN. 340 00:17:37,423 --> 00:17:40,726 ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) 341 00:17:40,793 --> 00:17:43,095 MEANWHILE, THE ANNUAL JAMES DYSON DESIGN AND ENGINEERING 342 00:17:43,162 --> 00:17:45,964 AWARDS HAVE BEEN ANNOUNCED, AND A TESTICLE BATH BIRTH CONTROL 343 00:17:46,031 --> 00:17:49,201 DEVICE JUST EARNED THIS YEAR'S DYSON PRIZE. 344 00:17:49,268 --> 00:17:51,703 CONGRATULATIONS. 345 00:17:51,770 --> 00:17:52,905 ALTHOUGH, IF YOU WANT DO-IT-YOURSELF STERILIZATION, 346 00:17:52,971 --> 00:17:55,140 YOU DON'T NEED THIS THING IF YOU ALREADY OWN A DYSON. 347 00:17:55,207 --> 00:18:01,146 THEY REALLY NEVER DO LOSE SUCTION. 348 00:18:01,213 --> 00:18:03,549 EVIDENTLY-- NOT SURE WHAT THAT MEANS. 349 00:18:03,615 --> 00:18:08,287 I'M NOT SURE WHAT THAT MEANS. 350 00:18:08,353 --> 00:18:12,925 EVIDENTLY, THE DEVICE, SEEN RIGHT HERE, BLASTS 351 00:18:12,991 --> 00:18:15,494 YOUR BUSINESS WITH ULTRASOUND TO DISABLE SPERM MOBILITY. 352 00:18:15,561 --> 00:18:23,535 HERE'S A FUN VIDEO ABOUT IT ♪ ♪ ♪ 353 00:18:23,602 --> 00:18:32,811 ( LAUGHTER ) ♪ ♪ ♪ 354 00:18:32,878 --> 00:18:37,082 ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: OH, I'M DONE ALL 355 00:18:37,149 --> 00:18:42,054 RIGHT. 356 00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:42,855 THANKS. 357 00:18:42,921 --> 00:18:46,091 ( APPLAUSE ) ( LAUGHTER ) 358 00:18:46,158 --> 00:18:49,161 THANKS, BUT I'VE ALREADY GOT A MUG FOR MY TEABAG. 359 00:18:49,228 --> 00:18:57,069 ( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, IN HISTORIC BOOZE 360 00:18:57,135 --> 00:19:00,806 NEWS, THE WORLD'S LARGEST WINE FACTORY FROM THE BYZANTINE 361 00:19:00,873 --> 00:19:03,609 PERIOD HAS BEEN UNCOVERED BY ARCHAEOLOGISTS, AND IT'S 1,500 362 00:19:03,675 --> 00:19:06,144 YEARS OLD. 363 00:19:06,211 --> 00:19:10,382 NOW YOU CAN STICK IT TO YOUR WINE SNOB FRIENDS AT DINNER: 364 00:19:10,449 --> 00:19:11,517 "WHAT'S THAT, ALAN? 365 00:19:11,583 --> 00:19:14,386 A 2017 MALBEC? 366 00:19:14,453 --> 00:19:15,587 THAT'S CUTE. 367 00:19:15,654 --> 00:19:18,323 I BROUGHT A NICE 623 RED FROM THE ANCIENT WORLD, SHROUDED IN 368 00:19:18,390 --> 00:19:20,058 THE DUST OF MILLENNIA. 369 00:19:20,125 --> 00:19:26,365 AND WHEN YOU UNCORK IT, ENTOMBED SOULS OF THE DAMNED ARE 370 00:19:26,431 --> 00:19:27,132 RELEASED. 371 00:19:27,199 --> 00:19:29,701 IT PAIRS GREAT WITH FISH." 372 00:19:29,768 --> 00:19:30,135 PIERCE? 373 00:19:30,202 --> 00:19:30,769 DOESN'T MATTER. 374 00:19:30,836 --> 00:19:33,939 FORGIVES ALL. 375 00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:38,143 MEANWHILE, IN TODAY'S KOALA SEX NEWS, CHLAMYDIA IS SO WIDESPREAD 376 00:19:38,210 --> 00:19:40,546 AMONG KOALAS, THEY'RE GETTING VACCINATED. 377 00:19:40,612 --> 00:19:49,388 ( LAUGHTER ) THAT'S A HUGE RELIEF TO 378 00:19:49,454 --> 00:19:50,188 CONSERVATIONISTS. 379 00:19:50,255 --> 00:19:51,223 AND ALSO TO EVERYONE BONING KOALAS. 380 00:19:51,290 --> 00:19:52,691 APPARENTLY, ROUGHLY 400 AUSTRALIAN KOALAS WILL BE 381 00:19:52,758 --> 00:19:54,526 VACCINATED AGAINST CHLAMYDIA AS PART OF A TRIAL THAT RESEARCHERS 382 00:19:54,593 --> 00:19:57,195 SAY THEY HOPE COULD PLAY A SIGNIFICANT ROLE IN THE 383 00:19:57,262 --> 00:19:59,932 LONGER-TERM SURVIVAL OF THE ANIMALS. 384 00:19:59,998 --> 00:20:02,367 OF COURSE, THAT'S ONLY IF THEY CAN CONVINCE THE INCREASINGLY 385 00:20:02,434 --> 00:20:06,572 VOCAL CONTINGENT OF ANTI-VAX MARSUPIALS. 386 00:20:06,638 --> 00:20:09,575 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH NICK OFFERMAN. 387 00:20:09,641 --> 00:20:10,242 COME ON! 388 00:20:10,309 --> 00:20:12,010 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 389 00:20:28,961 --> 00:20:30,662 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: THERE YOU GO. 390 00:20:30,729 --> 00:20:31,597 HERE WE GO. 391 00:20:31,663 --> 00:20:34,766 AND WE'RE OFF. 392 00:20:34,833 --> 00:20:36,168 RIGHT OVER THERE. 393 00:20:36,234 --> 00:20:37,436 WELCOME BACK. 394 00:20:37,502 --> 00:20:40,072 FOLKS, MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS THE ONLY PERSON I CAN INTRODUCE 395 00:20:40,138 --> 00:20:41,306 AS A BELOVED ACTOR, "NEW YORK TIMES" BEST-SELLING AUTHOR, AND 396 00:20:41,373 --> 00:20:43,842 PROFESSIONAL WOODWORKER. 397 00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:47,579 PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO THE LATE SHOW, NICK OFFERMAN. 398 00:20:47,646 --> 00:21:01,960 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 399 00:21:02,027 --> 00:21:07,532 NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN. 400 00:21:07,599 --> 00:21:09,534 >> BOY, IS IT GOOD TO BE BACK. 401 00:21:09,601 --> 00:21:11,970 >> Stephen: YOU'RE A CALMING PRESENCE, NICK OFFERMAN. 402 00:21:12,037 --> 00:21:12,804 >> THANK YOU. 403 00:21:12,871 --> 00:21:14,439 I'LL TRY AND KEEP IT THAT WAY. 404 00:21:14,506 --> 00:21:15,007 >> Stephen: YEAH. 405 00:21:15,073 --> 00:21:16,141 >> SHOULD I TALK SLOWER? 406 00:21:16,208 --> 00:21:18,010 >> Stephen: I DOUBT THAT'S POSSIBLE. 407 00:21:18,076 --> 00:21:19,611 ( LAUGHTER ) I WAS EXPECTING-- BECAUSE OF THE 408 00:21:19,678 --> 00:21:24,983 PHOTO I SAW LAST NIGHT, WHERE WE PROMOD YOU-- HEY, TOMORROW 409 00:21:25,050 --> 00:21:27,719 NIGHT, NICK OFFERMAN-- THE PROMO SHOWED YOU HAD THE BIG BEARD. 410 00:21:27,786 --> 00:21:32,591 HOW DO YOU MAKE THE DECISION ON WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE FULL 411 00:21:32,658 --> 00:21:33,291 BIBLICAL PATRIARCH, AND WHEN YOU'RE JUST GOING TO BE BE 412 00:21:33,358 --> 00:21:34,226 RUSTIC. 413 00:21:34,292 --> 00:21:37,362 >> I CALL IT THE FULL GIMLY AROUND MY HOUSE. 414 00:21:37,429 --> 00:21:38,563 >> Stephen: VERY GOOD. 415 00:21:38,630 --> 00:21:43,702 >> MY WIFE-- I DIDN'T REALIZE SHE WAS TOLERATING MY WHISKERS 416 00:21:43,769 --> 00:21:45,470 FOR A COUPLE OF DECADES. 417 00:21:45,537 --> 00:21:47,706 AND FINALLY, SHE SAID, ", YOU KNOW, WHAT? 418 00:21:47,773 --> 00:21:52,310 IS THERE AN OPTION THAT DOESN'T ENVELOPE A MOUTH FULL OF 419 00:21:52,377 --> 00:21:54,379 THISTLES FOR ME?" >> Stephen: IS THIS OKAY? 420 00:21:54,446 --> 00:21:57,382 BECAUSE THIS LEVEL, THIS LENGTH IS MORE PRICKLY. 421 00:21:57,449 --> 00:22:00,419 >> HERE'S THE THING, ONE OF THE HATS I WEAR, WHICH YOU 422 00:22:00,485 --> 00:22:03,588 GENEROUSLY JUST DESCRIBED IS TO WORK AS AN ACTOR, AND I HAD A 423 00:22:03,655 --> 00:22:06,525 COUPLE OF RECENT JOBS WHERE I WAS CLEAN SHAVEN. 424 00:22:06,591 --> 00:22:10,162 I FINISHED ONE SEVEN DAYS AGO. 425 00:22:10,228 --> 00:22:13,131 ( LAUGHTER ) AND SO, MEGAN HASN'T SAID 426 00:22:13,198 --> 00:22:15,901 ANYTHING YET, SO I'M LETTING IT -- 427 00:22:15,967 --> 00:22:20,072 >> Stephen: UNTIL SHE STRABZ YOU DOWN AND TAKES THE NORLEICO 428 00:22:20,138 --> 00:22:23,108 TO YOUR FACE YOU'LL KEEP GOING? 429 00:22:23,175 --> 00:22:26,378 >> I'M HOPING I CAN CONTINUE TO STAY IN THE SHADOWS. 430 00:22:26,445 --> 00:22:28,313 >> Stephen: SURE, SHE'S NOT GOING TO WATCH THIS. 431 00:22:28,380 --> 00:22:31,783 SHE'S NOT GOING TO WATCH THIS INTERVIEW, RIGHT. 432 00:22:31,850 --> 00:22:32,684 >> PROBABLY NOT. 433 00:22:32,751 --> 00:22:34,886 >> Stephen: YOU NOTICE WHEN YOU SAT DOWN. 434 00:22:34,953 --> 00:22:37,422 THAT'S THE TABLE-- WE ALWAYS HAVE THIS OUT HERE-- THAT'S THE 435 00:22:37,489 --> 00:22:39,124 TABLE YOU GAVE ME YEARS AGO. 436 00:22:39,191 --> 00:22:40,158 ( APPLAUSE ). 437 00:22:40,225 --> 00:22:42,461 >> IT'S SINCERELY MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN I REMEMBERED. 438 00:22:42,527 --> 00:22:43,562 >> Stephen: IT TRULY IS. 439 00:22:43,628 --> 00:22:46,331 >> IN MY HEAD, IT WASN'T THIS INCREDIBLE. 440 00:22:46,398 --> 00:22:48,633 >> Stephen: WHAT IS THAT WOOD AGAIN? 441 00:22:48,700 --> 00:22:49,167 IS THAT SYCAMORE? 442 00:22:49,234 --> 00:22:49,868 WHAT IS THAT? 443 00:22:49,935 --> 00:22:52,237 >> IT HAS A FEW DIFFERENT NAMES. 444 00:22:52,304 --> 00:22:54,139 IT'S CALLED BAY LAUREL. 445 00:22:54,206 --> 00:22:56,007 >> Stephen: LIKE WHERE BAY LEAVES COME FROM? 446 00:22:56,074 --> 00:22:58,443 >> YEAH, OR A PEPPER TREE. 447 00:22:58,510 --> 00:23:00,011 >> Stephen: I COULD THROW THAT INTO A SOUP. 448 00:23:00,078 --> 00:23:01,246 >> YOU COULD. 449 00:23:01,313 --> 00:23:07,085 OR YOU COULD-- YOU COULD GRIND IT UP AND MAKE A POLTIS WITH IT. 450 00:23:07,152 --> 00:23:09,321 >> Stephen: A POLTIS? 451 00:23:09,387 --> 00:23:10,122 >> YES. 452 00:23:10,188 --> 00:23:15,794 >> Stephen: A POTLISWITH MY TINGURE. 453 00:23:15,861 --> 00:23:20,065 YOU'RE AN ACTOR, WOODWORKER, AND 17th CENTURY DOCTOR AT THE 454 00:23:20,132 --> 00:23:23,135 SAME TIME. 455 00:23:23,201 --> 00:23:24,002 LEACH CRAFT. 456 00:23:24,069 --> 00:23:26,805 YOU'RE A JACK OF MANY TRADES, IF NOT ALL. 457 00:23:26,872 --> 00:23:31,676 AND YOU'VE WRITTEN ANOTHER BOOK, "WHERE THE DEER AND ANTELOPE 458 00:23:31,743 --> 00:23:32,878 PLAY." 459 00:23:32,944 --> 00:23:35,847 IN THIS, ONE OF MY FAVORITE PARTS OF THIS IS THAT YOU WRITE 460 00:23:35,914 --> 00:23:38,316 ABOUT A HIKING TRIP YOU TOOK WITH TWO AMAZING FELLOWS. 461 00:23:38,383 --> 00:23:40,886 YOU KNOW I'M HUGE FANS OF. 462 00:23:40,952 --> 00:23:46,424 THIS IS YOU, JEFF TWEEDY OF "WILCO," AND GEORGE SAUNDERS, 463 00:23:46,491 --> 00:23:49,828 THE GREAT AMERICAN SHORT STORY WRITER AND NOVELIST. 464 00:23:49,895 --> 00:23:51,997 HOW-- HOW ON EARTH DID THIS COME ABOUT? 465 00:23:52,063 --> 00:23:57,969 I HEAR-- I HEARD A HINT THAT I HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH THIS 466 00:23:58,036 --> 00:23:58,637 BURGEONING BROMANCE. 467 00:23:58,703 --> 00:24:00,038 >> YOU PLAY INTO THE STORY. 468 00:24:00,105 --> 00:24:01,306 IT'S EVEN IN THE BOOK. 469 00:24:01,373 --> 00:24:05,343 FOR SOME REASON, IN THE YEAR 2014, I WAS WORKING ON MY SECOND 470 00:24:05,410 --> 00:24:11,950 BOOK, CALLED "GUMPTION," AND I INTERVIEWED-- I INTERVIEWED 21-- 471 00:24:12,017 --> 00:24:14,019 OR PROFILE 21 HEROES. 472 00:24:14,085 --> 00:24:16,955 SOME OF THEM ARE DEAD, LIKE GEORGE WASHINGTON. 473 00:24:17,022 --> 00:24:18,857 BUT JEFF AND GEORGE BOTH FEATURED IN THE BOOK. 474 00:24:18,924 --> 00:24:20,292 SO SEPARATELY, I MET THEM. 475 00:24:20,358 --> 00:24:21,493 AND WE FELL IN LOVE. 476 00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:26,064 SOMETHING WAS IN THE AIR WHERE-- IT WASN'T EVEN SPRING. 477 00:24:26,131 --> 00:24:31,303 BUT WE-- I MET THEM SEPARATELY AND WE HUGGED AND JUST AGREED TO 478 00:24:31,369 --> 00:24:34,372 BE TOGETHER. 479 00:24:34,439 --> 00:24:38,343 WE WERE, LIKE -- >> Stephen: SURE, YOU CAN'T 480 00:24:38,410 --> 00:24:39,010 EXPLAIN IT. 481 00:24:39,077 --> 00:24:40,512 >> "LET'S KEEP THIS FOREVER." 482 00:24:40,579 --> 00:24:43,682 AND THEN THAT SAME YEAR, THE TWO OF THEM WERE ON THE FINAL 483 00:24:43,748 --> 00:24:48,920 EPISODE OF "THE COLBERT REPORT," AND THEN WE ALL REPORTED TO EACH 484 00:24:48,987 --> 00:24:52,858 OTHER THAT WE-- I MET-- SO I MET GEORGE. 485 00:24:52,924 --> 00:24:54,392 WE'RE ALL IN LOVE. 486 00:24:54,459 --> 00:24:57,429 AND SO -- >> Stephen: YOU'RE A THROUPLE 487 00:24:57,495 --> 00:24:58,763 AT THIS POINT. 488 00:24:58,830 --> 00:25:04,035 >> WE'RE A THREE-WAY BROMANCE, A TRIPOD. 489 00:25:04,102 --> 00:25:05,003 >> Stephen: MUCH LIKE THAT TABLE OVER THERE. 490 00:25:05,070 --> 00:25:08,607 >> THE THREE-LEGGED STOOL, DOESN'T WOBBLE. 491 00:25:08,673 --> 00:25:12,310 >> Stephen: BUT HOW DID THIS-- HOW DID THAT-- NOT TO SHORTEN 492 00:25:12,377 --> 00:25:15,680 YOUR STORY, BUT HOW DID THAT BECOME THIS? 493 00:25:15,747 --> 00:25:21,553 >> SO WE STARTED A THREE-WAY TEXT THREAD, AND THAT'S OUR MAIN 494 00:25:21,620 --> 00:25:25,624 SORT OF CHAT ROOM, WHERE WE COMMISERATE, WE BOUNCE PROJECTS 495 00:25:25,690 --> 00:25:27,325 OFF EACH OTHER. 496 00:25:27,392 --> 00:25:31,029 AND EVENTUALLY, JEFF AND I WERE PLAYING A SHOW TOGETHER AT LARGO 497 00:25:31,096 --> 00:25:31,963 IN LOS ANGELES. 498 00:25:32,030 --> 00:25:35,567 I WAS OPENING FOR HIM AT A STAGE SHOW. 499 00:25:35,634 --> 00:25:40,972 AND HE-- I WAS TELLING HIM ABOUT THIS BOOK IDEA, AND HE SAID-- IT 500 00:25:41,039 --> 00:25:44,676 WAS HIS IDEA-- WHY DON'T YOU AND GEORGE AND I GO WALK SOMEWHERE 501 00:25:44,743 --> 00:25:48,513 BEAUTIFUL AND YOU CAN USE THE GORGEOUS, PHILOSOPHICAL THINGS 502 00:25:48,580 --> 00:25:50,815 GEORGE AND I TEND TO SAY FOR YOUR BOOK. 503 00:25:50,882 --> 00:25:53,418 AND I SAID, "THANK YOU, JEFF TWEEDY. 504 00:25:53,485 --> 00:25:54,819 I THINK I WILL DO THAT." 505 00:25:54,886 --> 00:25:59,190 AND I IMMEDIATELY-- IT WAS LIKE "BOOK ME A NATIONAL PARK HIKING 506 00:25:59,257 --> 00:25:59,858 TRIP FOR ME AND JEFF AND GEORGE." 507 00:25:59,925 --> 00:26:00,625 >> Stephen: WHERE IS THIS ONE? 508 00:26:00,692 --> 00:26:02,894 >> THAT'S GLACKIER NATIONAL PARK. 509 00:26:02,961 --> 00:26:03,929 >> Stephen: I'VE NEVER BEEN. 510 00:26:03,995 --> 00:26:04,529 I'VE NEVER BEEN. 511 00:26:04,596 --> 00:26:05,630 >> I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT. 512 00:26:05,697 --> 00:26:07,866 >> Stephen: DO YOU STILL HAVE-- DO YOU GUYS STILL HAVE 513 00:26:07,933 --> 00:26:08,533 THE TEXT CHAIN GOING? 514 00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:10,402 >> WE DO. 515 00:26:10,468 --> 00:26:12,737 >> Stephen: COULD WE TEXT THEM RIGHT NOW. 516 00:26:12,804 --> 00:26:15,740 >> SURE, LET ME -- >> Stephen: LET'S SEND THEM A 517 00:26:15,807 --> 00:26:17,709 VIDEO, SEE IF THEY RESPOND. 518 00:26:17,776 --> 00:26:20,612 >> LET ME FIRE UP -- >> Stephen: YOU DON'T WANT ME 519 00:26:20,679 --> 00:26:21,413 TO SEE. 520 00:26:21,479 --> 00:26:23,848 YOU DON'T WANT ME TO SEE. 521 00:26:23,915 --> 00:26:24,950 ( LAUGHTER ). 522 00:26:25,016 --> 00:26:29,087 >> OKAY, WE'LL SEND THEM -- >> Stephen: SEND A VIDEO. 523 00:26:29,154 --> 00:26:31,389 >> AND WE'RE ROLLING. 524 00:26:31,456 --> 00:26:33,425 >> Stephen: THAT'S A PHOTO. 525 00:26:33,491 --> 00:26:35,527 THAT'S A ( BLEEP ) PHOTO. 526 00:26:35,593 --> 00:26:36,127 WOODWORKING, NOT ELECTRONICS. 527 00:26:36,194 --> 00:26:37,929 >> IT'S MY THING. 528 00:26:37,996 --> 00:26:40,999 IT'S PART OF MY BRAND THAT I'M NOT GOOD AT COMPUTERS. 529 00:26:41,066 --> 00:26:41,533 >> Stephen: OKAY. 530 00:26:41,599 --> 00:26:43,401 >> VIDEO... SELFIE. 531 00:26:43,468 --> 00:26:45,270 >> Stephen: OKAY. 532 00:26:45,337 --> 00:26:46,404 >> FLIP THAT AROUND. 533 00:26:46,471 --> 00:26:50,041 >> Stephen: SURE. 534 00:26:50,108 --> 00:26:50,809 HEY, GEORGE! 535 00:26:50,875 --> 00:26:51,943 >> HELLO, GUYS. 536 00:26:52,010 --> 00:26:52,844 >> Stephen: HEY, JEFF. 537 00:26:52,911 --> 00:26:54,446 WE'RE HERE ON THE SHOW. 538 00:26:54,512 --> 00:26:56,715 DO YOU WANT TO SHOW THEM WE'RE ON THE SHOW? 539 00:26:56,781 --> 00:27:00,452 FLIP THAT AROUND? 540 00:27:00,518 --> 00:27:05,924 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THE NEXT TIME YOU ALL GO HIKING, 541 00:27:05,991 --> 00:27:06,958 I'D LOVE TO GO. 542 00:27:07,025 --> 00:27:11,196 I HIKE, I DON'T WANT TO GET IN ON YOUR THING HERE. 543 00:27:11,262 --> 00:27:13,898 BUT I HIKE, AND I ALSO CHAFE. 544 00:27:13,965 --> 00:27:16,668 SO NOT VERY FAR, PLEASE. 545 00:27:16,735 --> 00:27:17,068 ( LAUGHTER ). 546 00:27:17,135 --> 00:27:18,970 >> ALL RIGHT. 547 00:27:19,037 --> 00:27:23,174 >> Stephen: AND SOMEONE BRING TALCOM TOWDER. 548 00:27:23,241 --> 00:27:26,644 >> GEORGE, WE CAN TEACH THEM YOUR BUTTER TRICK. 549 00:27:26,711 --> 00:27:27,946 SEE, I LOVE YOU GUYS. 550 00:27:28,013 --> 00:27:30,949 >> Stephen: BUTTER TRICK? 551 00:27:31,016 --> 00:27:31,950 BUTTER... 552 00:27:32,017 --> 00:27:35,120 ( APPLAUSE ) THE BUTTER-- THE BUTTER TRICK. 553 00:27:35,186 --> 00:27:38,356 IS THAT COW BUTTER OR COCOA BUTTER? 554 00:27:38,423 --> 00:27:39,591 >> EITHER WORK S. 555 00:27:39,657 --> 00:27:43,728 >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK, BUT WHEN WE RETURN, 556 00:27:43,795 --> 00:27:44,963 I'LL ASK NICK ABOUT ROAMING THE COUNTRY WITH HIS LOVELY WIFE 557 00:27:45,030 --> 00:27:47,665 MEGAN MALLALY IN AN R.V. 558 00:27:47,732 --> 00:27:48,600 JOIN US, WON'T YOU? 559 00:27:57,542 --> 00:27:58,643 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, 560 00:27:58,710 --> 00:28:01,813 WE'RE BACK WITH THE AUTHOR OF "WHERE THE DEER AND ANTELOPE 561 00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:07,452 PLAY," AMERICAN TREASURE, MR. NICK OFFERMAN. 562 00:28:07,519 --> 00:28:11,623 YOU AND YOUR LOVELY WIFE DID SOMETHING I HIGHLY ADMIRE, YOU 563 00:28:11,689 --> 00:28:15,126 AND MEGAN MULLALLY, YOUR LOVELY WIFE. 564 00:28:15,193 --> 00:28:19,330 DURING COVID, YOU WENT OUT THERE, YOU R.V.'d IT AROUND 565 00:28:19,397 --> 00:28:20,165 THE UNITED STATES TOGETHER. 566 00:28:20,231 --> 00:28:21,332 I WAS SO TEMPTED TO DO THAT. 567 00:28:21,399 --> 00:28:26,838 >> YOU KNOW, THE HIKING WAS JEFF'S IDEA, AND THE AIRSTREAM 568 00:28:26,905 --> 00:28:27,939 WAS MEGAN'S IDEA. 569 00:28:28,006 --> 00:28:30,975 I'M JUST A VESSEL. 570 00:28:31,042 --> 00:28:33,878 I'M -- >> Stephen: YOU'RE THE TOFU OF 571 00:28:33,945 --> 00:28:34,312 EVERY RELATIONSHIP. 572 00:28:34,379 --> 00:28:35,380 >> I AM. 573 00:28:35,447 --> 00:28:38,650 >> Stephen: MUCH LIKE YOUR BEARD-- YOU ABSORB FLAVOR. 574 00:28:38,716 --> 00:28:40,718 >> THAT'S RIGHT ( LAUGHTER ) 575 00:28:40,785 --> 00:28:41,820 MEGAN IS THE CURATOR. 576 00:28:41,886 --> 00:28:43,855 SHE'S THE PICKER OF THINGS. 577 00:28:43,922 --> 00:28:48,126 AND WHEN IT WAS COMING-- WHEN THE LOCKDOWN FIRST KIND OF SANK 578 00:28:48,193 --> 00:28:51,896 IN, WHERE IT WAS LIKE, "OH, WE'RE GOING TO BE STUCK HERE FOR 579 00:28:51,963 --> 00:28:53,131 A LONG TIME." 580 00:28:53,198 --> 00:28:55,800 SHE SAID, "WHAT IF WE GET SOME SORT OF CAMPER SO WE CAN TRAVEL 581 00:28:55,867 --> 00:28:58,636 TO SEE OUR FAMILIES FOR THANKSGIVING." 582 00:28:58,703 --> 00:29:00,872 AND I SAID, "I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. 583 00:29:00,939 --> 00:29:04,309 PLEASE, LET ME COME IN THE HOUSE TONIGHT." 584 00:29:04,375 --> 00:29:07,545 ( LAUGHTER ) "AND MAKE YOU ONE OF MY SPECIAL 585 00:29:07,612 --> 00:29:08,713 MEALS." 586 00:29:08,780 --> 00:29:13,017 AND THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN, BUT WE GOT AN AIRSTREAM, AND IT WAS 587 00:29:13,084 --> 00:29:13,551 INCREDIBLE. 588 00:29:13,618 --> 00:29:14,686 I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT. 589 00:29:14,752 --> 00:29:15,320 IT'S VERY ROMANTIC. 590 00:29:15,386 --> 00:29:18,389 >> Stephen: CHEMICAL TOILET? 591 00:29:18,456 --> 00:29:25,230 >> NO, FULL, PLUG-IN TO SEWER SITUATION TOILET, IN AN R.V. 592 00:29:25,296 --> 00:29:25,697 PARK. 593 00:29:25,763 --> 00:29:26,531 >> Stephen: NICE. 594 00:29:26,598 --> 00:29:28,566 >> YOU HAVE TO ASK FOR FULL HOOK-UPS. 595 00:29:28,633 --> 00:29:32,036 >> Stephen: YOU GUYS GOING TO EVENTUALLY RETIRE OUT TO THE 596 00:29:32,103 --> 00:29:32,437 SLAB? 597 00:29:32,504 --> 00:29:33,037 >> I HOPE SO. 598 00:29:33,104 --> 00:29:34,005 >> Stephen: OFF THE GRID? 599 00:29:34,072 --> 00:29:36,241 OFF THE GRID COMPLETELY? 600 00:29:36,307 --> 00:29:37,876 MACHINE YOUR OWN SCREWS? 601 00:29:37,942 --> 00:29:38,543 >> THAT'S RIGHT. 602 00:29:38,610 --> 00:29:39,978 >> Stephen: WRITE A MANIFESTO. 603 00:29:40,044 --> 00:29:42,580 >> WE'LL BE BOONDOCKING. 604 00:29:42,647 --> 00:29:45,183 >> Stephen: NICK, IT'S ALWAYS LOVELY TO SEE YOU. 605 00:29:45,250 --> 00:29:46,818 THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE. 606 00:29:46,885 --> 00:29:49,220 >> MY PLEASURE. 607 00:29:49,287 --> 00:29:53,958 >> Stephen: HIS NEW BOOK, "WHERE THE DEER AND THE ANTELOPE PLAY," 608 00:29:54,025 --> 00:29:56,995 ONE QUICK THING, BEFORE YOU GO-- WAIT, HOLD ON A SECOND. 609 00:29:57,061 --> 00:29:57,562 HOLD ON. 610 00:29:57,629 --> 00:29:59,531 DID THEY WRITE YOU BACK? 611 00:29:59,597 --> 00:30:02,534 DID THEY-- DID TWEEDY OR SAUNDERS WRITE YOU BACK? 612 00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:03,234 >> LET'S SEE. 613 00:30:03,301 --> 00:30:04,302 PROBABLY NOT. 614 00:30:04,369 --> 00:30:07,172 I THINK JEFF'S ON TOUR WITH WILCO RIGHT NOW. 615 00:30:07,238 --> 00:30:08,273 NOT YET. 616 00:30:08,339 --> 00:30:09,574 BUT, MY MOM DID. 617 00:30:09,641 --> 00:30:13,278 I SENT HER A PICTURE OF YOU FROM BACKSTAGE, AND I WOULD JUST LIKE 618 00:30:13,344 --> 00:30:17,949 TO SAY TO YOU, MY MOM AND DAD ARE THE MOST WONDERFUL, 619 00:30:18,016 --> 00:30:21,119 SMALL-TOWN ILLINOIS, SALT OF THE EARTH COUPLE. 620 00:30:21,186 --> 00:30:24,856 AND MY MOM SAID WHEN I WAS GOING TO DO THIS, SHE SAID, "ARE YOU 621 00:30:24,923 --> 00:30:27,525 GOING TO DO "STEPHEN COLBERT"? 622 00:30:27,592 --> 00:30:29,327 AND I SAID, YEAH, I AM. 623 00:30:29,394 --> 00:30:33,298 SHE SAID, DURING THE PANDEMIC WE LOVED HIS WORK SO MUCH. 624 00:30:33,364 --> 00:30:34,799 IT WAS SO HUMANIZING. 625 00:30:34,866 --> 00:30:35,700 >> Stephen: OH, THAT'S LOVELY. 626 00:30:35,767 --> 00:30:37,202 >> AND HE GOT US THROUGH. 627 00:30:37,268 --> 00:30:37,969 I WAS SO THRILLED -- >> Stephen: THAT MAKES ME SO 628 00:30:38,036 --> 00:30:38,536 HAPPY. 629 00:30:38,603 --> 00:30:40,138 THAT MAKES ME SO HAPPY. 630 00:30:40,205 --> 00:30:43,408 GIVE MY BEST TO YOUR PARENTS. 631 00:30:43,474 --> 00:30:44,509 THE BOOK IS "WHERE THE DEER AND ANTELOPE PLAY." 632 00:30:44,576 --> 00:30:47,045 THE MAN IS NICK OFFERMAN. 633 00:30:47,111 --> 00:30:49,280 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD. 634 00:30:49,347 --> 00:30:50,048 ( APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪ 635 00:31:18,943 --> 00:31:19,677 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, 636 00:31:19,744 --> 00:31:22,447 WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW." 637 00:31:22,513 --> 00:31:26,084 MY NEXT GUEST IS A BEST SELLING AUTHOR, COHOST OF "THE BREAKFAST 638 00:31:26,150 --> 00:31:29,520 CLUB," AND NOW THE HOST OF COMEDY CENTRAL'S NEW WEEKLY 639 00:31:29,587 --> 00:31:31,856 LATE-NIGHT SERIES, "THA GOD'S HONEST TRUTH WITH CHARLAMAGNE 640 00:31:31,923 --> 00:31:35,727 THA GOD." 641 00:31:35,793 --> 00:31:37,662 PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO THE LATE SHOW, MY FRIEND AND YOURS, 642 00:31:37,729 --> 00:31:38,396 CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD. 643 00:31:38,463 --> 00:31:52,677 ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE ) 644 00:31:52,744 --> 00:31:53,945 >> OH, MAN. 645 00:31:54,012 --> 00:31:55,346 PEOPLE, PEOPLE, PEOPLE! 646 00:31:55,413 --> 00:31:57,081 >> Stephen: ISN'T THAT PLEASANT? 647 00:31:57,148 --> 00:32:02,086 >> YEAH. 648 00:32:02,153 --> 00:32:03,721 I'M ADJUSTING. 649 00:32:03,788 --> 00:32:05,757 I'M STILL ADJUSTING TO PEOPLE. 650 00:32:05,823 --> 00:32:08,926 >> Stephen: STILL ADJUSTING BEING IN FRONT OF PEOPLE? 651 00:32:08,993 --> 00:32:12,463 LISTEN, WE'VE HAD YOU ON THE SHOW MANY TIMES, ALWAYS HAPPY TO 652 00:32:12,530 --> 00:32:13,631 HAVE YOU HERE. 653 00:32:13,698 --> 00:32:14,899 YOU'RE A VERY POPULAR RADIO HOST, PEOPLE LISTENING TO YOU, 654 00:32:14,966 --> 00:32:22,240 BESTSELLER AUTHOR, YOU HAVE YOUR OWN PUBLISHING IMPRINT CALLED... 655 00:32:22,307 --> 00:32:23,274 >> BLACK PRIVILEGE PUBLISHING. 656 00:32:23,341 --> 00:32:26,244 >> Stephen: AND YOU HAVE ADDED ANOTHER TITLE. 657 00:32:26,311 --> 00:32:29,080 YOU ARE A LATE-NIGHT HOST ON "THA GOD'S HONEST TRUTH WITH 658 00:32:29,147 --> 00:32:32,850 CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD," WHICH I EXECUTIVE PRODUCE. 659 00:32:32,917 --> 00:32:33,851 >> HEY! 660 00:32:33,918 --> 00:32:35,820 ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: NOW, I WANT TO 661 00:32:35,887 --> 00:32:39,290 KNOW, DID YOU-- ONE THING WE'VE NEVER TALKED ABOUT IS DID YOU 662 00:32:39,357 --> 00:32:42,460 ALWAYS WANT TO BE A LATE-NIGHT HOST? 663 00:32:42,527 --> 00:32:44,329 BECAUSE IT'S KIND OF AN ODD JOB TO HAVE. 664 00:32:44,395 --> 00:32:46,130 >> REALLY, MR. LATE-NIGHT HOST. 665 00:32:46,197 --> 00:32:46,531 >> Stephen: IT IS. 666 00:32:46,597 --> 00:32:47,432 >> OKAY. 667 00:32:47,498 --> 00:32:49,767 >> Stephen: THIS WAS NEVER THE IDEA FOR ME. 668 00:32:49,834 --> 00:32:52,036 >> YEAH, I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A LATE-NIGHT HOST, SINCE THE 669 00:32:52,103 --> 00:32:53,604 DAYS OF ARSENIO HALL. 670 00:32:53,671 --> 00:32:57,975 AND I FELT LIKE THERE WAS SUCH A BIG GAP BETWEEN ARSENIO HALL AND 671 00:32:58,042 --> 00:33:01,279 A BLACK MAN IN LATE NIGHT BRINGING THAT KIND OF ENERGY. 672 00:33:01,346 --> 00:33:04,315 AND THERE WAS THE RISE OF JON STEWARTS AND YOURSELF. 673 00:33:04,382 --> 00:33:06,851 AND YOU CAN ACTUALLY TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ON LATE NIGHT, 674 00:33:06,918 --> 00:33:07,819 SOMETHING OF SUBSTANCE. 675 00:33:07,885 --> 00:33:09,520 IT MADE ME WANT TO DO IT EVEN MORE. 676 00:33:09,587 --> 00:33:12,857 I HAD TWO LATE-NIGHT SHOWS BEFORE. 677 00:33:12,924 --> 00:33:18,830 I HAD "CHARLEMAGNE AND MORE" AND "UNCOMMON FRIENDS." 678 00:33:18,896 --> 00:33:20,631 YEAH, EXACTLY, EXACTLY. 679 00:33:20,698 --> 00:33:23,334 ARSENIO, KIND OF FREED ME A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO BECAUSE HE 680 00:33:23,401 --> 00:33:27,105 WAS DOING SOME INTERVIEWS WHEN HE HAD A STAND-UP SPECIAL COMING 681 00:33:27,171 --> 00:33:28,272 OUT. 682 00:33:28,339 --> 00:33:30,675 AND HE SAID THAT CHARLEMAGNE IS THE ME OF THIS GENERATION. 683 00:33:30,742 --> 00:33:32,643 BUT HE DOESN'T HAVE A LATE-NIGHT SHOW. 684 00:33:32,710 --> 00:33:36,447 HE HAS, YOU KNOW, THE RADIO SHOW AND A PODCAST AND YOUTUBE, AND 685 00:33:36,514 --> 00:33:37,949 THAT'S WHERE PEOPLE ARE GOING NOW. 686 00:33:38,015 --> 00:33:40,885 SO I WAS LIKE, "OH, OKAY, THAT'S A RELIEF." 687 00:33:40,952 --> 00:33:43,521 I THOUGHT THAT WAS OFF MY VISION BOARD. 688 00:33:43,588 --> 00:33:44,622 BUT GOD HAD OTHER PLANS. 689 00:33:44,689 --> 00:33:47,525 >> Stephen: NOW YOU'RE ACTUALLY OVER IN THE OLD "DAILY 690 00:33:47,592 --> 00:33:50,395 SHOW"" STUDIOS, MY OLD STOMPING GROUNDS. 691 00:33:50,461 --> 00:33:51,295 >> A LOT OF PRESSURE. 692 00:33:51,362 --> 00:33:52,730 >> Stephen: WHAT'S THE VIBE OF THE BUILDING 693 00:33:52,797 --> 00:33:53,564 >> I LOVE IT. 694 00:33:53,631 --> 00:33:55,933 WE NAMED IS THE "HAPPY ACCIDENT." 695 00:33:56,000 --> 00:33:57,235 >> Stephen: YOU KNOW I LOVE THAT 696 00:33:57,301 --> 00:33:59,036 >> WE WERE SITTING AROUND HAVING A CONVERSATION AND YOU SAID 697 00:33:59,103 --> 00:34:02,006 BEING IN THIS BUILDING. 698 00:34:02,073 --> 00:34:02,907 A HAPPY ACCIDENT. 699 00:34:02,974 --> 00:34:05,209 YOU SAID YOUR CAREER WAS A HAPPY ACCIDENT. 700 00:34:05,276 --> 00:34:06,511 >> Stephen: YES, NOTHING WAS PLANNED. 701 00:34:06,577 --> 00:34:09,947 >> AND YOU TOLD US THIS LONG, 20-MINUTE STORY-- AMAZING STORY. 702 00:34:10,014 --> 00:34:13,217 ( LAUGHTER ) AND THEN-- AND THEN I GO-- YOU 703 00:34:13,284 --> 00:34:14,485 SAID "THE HAPPY ACCIDENT." 704 00:34:14,552 --> 00:34:18,823 I SAID "THE HAPPY ACCIDENT," THAT'S A GREAT TURN. 705 00:34:18,890 --> 00:34:23,127 AND MY SHOW RUNNER, HER NAME IS RACHEL, HE CAME OVER AND IN HER 706 00:34:23,194 --> 00:34:26,764 EMAIL SHE HAD MADE HER PRODUCTION COMPANY "THE HAPPY 707 00:34:26,831 --> 00:34:27,265 ACCIDENT." 708 00:34:27,331 --> 00:34:27,932 WE DIDN'T KNOW THAT. 709 00:34:27,999 --> 00:34:29,834 SHE HAD A LOGO AND EVERYTHING. 710 00:34:29,901 --> 00:34:32,403 THE LOGO WAS A CUP SPILLING WITH A SMILEY FACE. 711 00:34:32,470 --> 00:34:34,539 SO IT WAS A HAPPY ACCIDENT. 712 00:34:34,605 --> 00:34:36,507 I BELIEVE THAT WAS AMAZINGLY NORMAL. 713 00:34:36,574 --> 00:34:39,644 >> Stephen: FOR THOSE THINGS TO BE HAPPENING AT THE SAME 714 00:34:39,710 --> 00:34:40,244 TIME. 715 00:34:40,311 --> 00:34:41,078 >> ABSOLUTELY, ABSOLUTELY. 716 00:34:41,145 --> 00:34:44,682 FOR YOU TO SAY "THE HAPPY ACCIDENT" -- 717 00:34:44,749 --> 00:34:48,386 >> Stephen: THE SINK NISSITY SEEMS NORMAL TO YOU. 718 00:34:48,453 --> 00:34:49,353 >> YES. 719 00:34:49,420 --> 00:34:50,988 >> Stephen: HOW ABOUT THIS, IT SEEMS SPIRITUAL? 720 00:34:51,055 --> 00:34:53,357 >> YES, DIVINE, THAT'S ANOTHER WORLD FOR SPIRITUAL. 721 00:34:53,424 --> 00:34:55,059 >> Stephen: I'M NOT GOING TO ARGUE WITH YOU. 722 00:34:55,126 --> 00:34:56,360 >> YES. 723 00:34:56,427 --> 00:34:57,495 ( LAUGHTER ). 724 00:34:57,562 --> 00:34:58,796 >> Stephen: I HAVE A FEELING IT WOULDN'T BE A GOOD IDEA. 725 00:34:58,863 --> 00:35:02,500 I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THE FIRST SHOWS THAT YOU'VE DONE 726 00:35:02,567 --> 00:35:03,701 OVER THERE. 727 00:35:03,768 --> 00:35:08,005 YOU'VE CHOSEN AS YOUR SUBJECTS THE-- SO FAR THE SHOWS HAVE BE 728 00:35:08,072 --> 00:35:10,041 BEEN-- EACH SHOW HAS ITS OWN FOCUS. 729 00:35:10,107 --> 00:35:10,908 >> YES. 730 00:35:10,975 --> 00:35:15,646 >> Stephen: YOU DRILL DOWN ON ONE THING. 731 00:35:15,713 --> 00:35:23,554 GERMANY'S DE-NAZIIFICATION, AND AMERICA'S DE-CRACKIFICATION. 732 00:35:23,621 --> 00:35:24,355 THE F.B.I. 733 00:35:24,422 --> 00:35:27,625 >> WE HAVE TO DECRACKIFY THE F.B.I. 734 00:35:27,692 --> 00:35:29,727 >> Stephen: AND THE RIGHT WING BACKLASH. 735 00:35:29,794 --> 00:35:32,763 >> WE HAVE TO DECRACKIFY EDUCATION. 736 00:35:32,830 --> 00:35:33,498 ( APPLAUSE ). 737 00:35:33,564 --> 00:35:34,365 >> Stephen: GENERATIONAL TRAUMA. 738 00:35:34,432 --> 00:35:35,366 >> YES. 739 00:35:35,433 --> 00:35:37,535 >> Stephen: GENERATIONAL TRAUMA WITHIN THE BLACK 740 00:35:37,602 --> 00:35:38,636 COMMUNITY. 741 00:35:38,703 --> 00:35:40,204 AND AN UNWILLINGNESS TO ADDRESS THAT THROUGH THERAPY. 742 00:35:40,271 --> 00:35:41,205 >> YES. 743 00:35:41,272 --> 00:35:44,108 >> Stephen: AND-- >> YOU HAVE TO DE-CRACKIFY THE 744 00:35:44,175 --> 00:35:45,276 MENTAL HEALTH SYSTEM AS WELL. 745 00:35:45,343 --> 00:35:48,613 >> Stephen: AND THIS PAST WEEKEND, WHICH I REALLY ENJOYED, 746 00:35:48,679 --> 00:35:50,047 THE DEMON OF SOCIAL MEDIA. 747 00:35:50,114 --> 00:35:51,415 AND WHAT THAT DOES TO US. 748 00:35:51,482 --> 00:35:54,218 >> YEAH, WE JUST ALL HAVE TO DISCONNECT FROM THAT, PERIOD. 749 00:35:54,285 --> 00:35:55,453 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 750 00:35:55,520 --> 00:35:57,455 ( APPLAUSE ) I FEEL LIKE-- I FEEL LIKE WE 751 00:35:57,522 --> 00:36:01,192 HAVE TO DISCONNECT FROM SOCIAL MEDIA IN ORDER TO RECONNECT WITH 752 00:36:01,259 --> 00:36:03,261 OURSELVES. 753 00:36:03,327 --> 00:36:07,632 BECAUSE I REALLY FEEL LIKE WE'RE ALL BECOMING A BUNCH OF 754 00:36:07,698 --> 00:36:11,636 EMOTIONLESS PEOPLE WHO LACK EMPATHY, AND WE'RE REALLY JUST 755 00:36:11,702 --> 00:36:13,771 ALGORITHMS IN HUMAN BODIES. 756 00:36:13,838 --> 00:36:16,674 LITERALLY, WE WAKE UP EVERY DAY AND WAIT FOR SOCIAL MEDIA TO 757 00:36:16,741 --> 00:36:18,809 TELL US WHAT TO THINK AND WHAT TO BELIEVE. 758 00:36:18,876 --> 00:36:19,710 NOBODY CARES ABOUT THE TRUTH. 759 00:36:19,777 --> 00:36:21,712 THE LIES ARE MORE ENTERTAINING. 760 00:36:21,779 --> 00:36:25,116 IT'S ALMOST POINTLESS TO TELL THE TRUTH BECAUSE EVERYBODY 761 00:36:25,182 --> 00:36:26,117 WANTS TO BE ENTERTAINED. 762 00:36:26,183 --> 00:36:27,285 >> Stephen: WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT? 763 00:36:27,351 --> 00:36:29,887 THOSE ARE FOUR STRONG SUBJECTS TO START WITH. 764 00:36:29,954 --> 00:36:31,122 WHAT'S NEXT ON YOUR AGENDA? 765 00:36:31,188 --> 00:36:36,127 >> NEXT ON THE AGENDA IS WHAT WE'RE CALLING THE COWARDLY 766 00:36:36,193 --> 00:36:37,128 COVERAGIES. 767 00:36:37,194 --> 00:36:38,162 WHICH IS THE COWARDICE OF THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY. 768 00:36:38,229 --> 00:36:40,097 YES, AND IF -- >> Stephen: WHAT SHOULD THEY 769 00:36:40,164 --> 00:36:41,232 BE DOING THAT THEY'RE NOT? 770 00:36:41,299 --> 00:36:44,335 >> I FEEL LIKE IF THEY DON'T STOP BEING COWARDS, I THINK 771 00:36:44,402 --> 00:36:46,704 WE'RE REALLY, REALLY LOOKING AT THE DEATH OF DEMOCRACY AS WE 772 00:36:46,771 --> 00:36:47,972 KNOW IT. 773 00:36:48,039 --> 00:36:51,742 LIKE, I MEAN, FOUR SIMPLE THINGS KNOW-- 774 00:36:51,809 --> 00:36:54,145 ( APPLAUSE ) FOUR SIMPLE THINGS THE BIDEN 775 00:36:54,211 --> 00:36:56,080 ADMINISTRATION COULD DO TO PROTECT DEMOCRACY. 776 00:36:56,147 --> 00:36:59,850 NUMBER ONE, YOU HAVE TO PROTECT VOTING RIGHT, RIGHT. 777 00:36:59,917 --> 00:37:01,819 ( APPLAUSE ) YOU JUST SIMPLY GOT TO. 778 00:37:01,886 --> 00:37:05,489 NUMBER TWO, YOU HAVE TO PACK THE SUPREME COURT. 779 00:37:05,556 --> 00:37:09,827 NUMBER THREE, YOU HAVE TO END THE FILIBUSTER SO YOU CAN 780 00:37:09,894 --> 00:37:10,094 GOVERN. 781 00:37:10,161 --> 00:37:11,062 RIGHT. 782 00:37:11,128 --> 00:37:12,363 ( APPLAUSE ) AND NUMBER FOUR, YOU HAVE TO 783 00:37:12,430 --> 00:37:18,336 MAKE AN EXAMPLE OUT OF THE PEOPLE WHO ATTEMPTED A COUP THIS 784 00:37:18,402 --> 00:37:20,304 COUNTRY ON JANUARY 6. 785 00:37:20,371 --> 00:37:21,105 ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ). 786 00:37:21,172 --> 00:37:21,706 >> Stephen: I THINK THEY MAY DO THAT. 787 00:37:21,772 --> 00:37:22,907 I THINK THEY MAY DO THAT. 788 00:37:22,974 --> 00:37:27,612 >> IT BUMS ME OUT THAT WE TREAT JANUARY 6 LIKE IT WAS JUST A 789 00:37:27,678 --> 00:37:30,615 BUNCH OF KIDS WILDING IN MIAMI ON SPRING BREAK. 790 00:37:30,681 --> 00:37:32,817 IT WAS AN ATTEMPTED COUP OF THIS COUNTRY. 791 00:37:32,883 --> 00:37:34,485 AND IT'S LIKE WE DON'T TALK ABOUT IT ENOUGH. 792 00:37:34,552 --> 00:37:36,120 THAT SHOULD BE THE HEADLINE EVERY NIGHT ON EVERY NEWS 793 00:37:36,187 --> 00:37:37,421 NETWORK, EVERY LATE-NIGHT SHOW ALL THE TIME. 794 00:37:37,488 --> 00:37:40,191 >> Stephen: I THINK AS WE TAPE THIS RIGHT NOW, AS WE TAPE THIS 795 00:37:40,257 --> 00:37:44,295 RIGHT NOW, I THINK THE SENATE-- THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES IS 796 00:37:44,362 --> 00:37:49,400 VOTING WHETHER TO REFER STEVE BANON FOR PROSECUTION BY THE 797 00:37:49,467 --> 00:37:52,269 JUSTICE DEPARTMENT FOR AVOIDING HIS SUBPOENA. 798 00:37:52,336 --> 00:37:54,705 HAS THAT HAPPENED YET? 799 00:37:54,772 --> 00:37:55,740 DO WE KNOW? 800 00:37:55,806 --> 00:37:57,742 WE DON'T KNOW IF IT'S HAPPENED YET. 801 00:37:57,808 --> 00:38:00,678 >> PEOPLE THINK HILLARY CLINTON IS CRAZY BECAUSE SHE LOST, AND 802 00:38:00,745 --> 00:38:02,046 THEY THINK SHE'S JUST BITTER. 803 00:38:02,113 --> 00:38:06,317 A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO SHE WAS SAYING HOW WE'RE HEADED TOWARDS 804 00:38:06,384 --> 00:38:07,551 MINORITY RULE. 805 00:38:07,618 --> 00:38:10,321 THAT'S WHY SHE'S IN SUMMIT OF ENDING THE FILIBUSTER SO WE CAN 806 00:38:10,388 --> 00:38:11,422 GOVERN. 807 00:38:11,489 --> 00:38:12,690 SHE WAS LIKE THE G.O.P. IS LAWLESS AND THEY DON'T CARE 808 00:38:12,757 --> 00:38:13,724 ABOUT RULES. 809 00:38:13,791 --> 00:38:15,126 THEY'RE GANGSTERS. 810 00:38:15,192 --> 00:38:18,062 WHEN YOU'RE DEALING WITH GANGSTERS, YOU HAVE TO DO 811 00:38:18,129 --> 00:38:19,163 GANGSTER THINGS. 812 00:38:19,230 --> 00:38:20,831 >> Stephen: YOU CAN'T BRING A SPOON TO A KNIFE FIGHT. 813 00:38:20,898 --> 00:38:23,701 >> YOU CAN'T BRING A SPOON TO A KNIFE FIGHT, EXACTLY. 814 00:38:23,768 --> 00:38:25,736 >> Stephen: I WANT TO ASK YOU ABOUT ONE THING. 815 00:38:25,803 --> 00:38:28,272 THE NAME OF THE SHOW IS "THA GOD'S HONEST TRUTH WITH 816 00:38:28,339 --> 00:38:34,679 CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD," BUT THEN IT SAYS-- AKA, LENARD McKEFLY. 817 00:38:34,745 --> 00:38:36,714 >> IT SHOULD BE THE OTHER WAY AROUND. 818 00:38:36,781 --> 00:38:38,783 >> Stephen: EVERYBODY KNOW YOUS AS CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD. 819 00:38:38,849 --> 00:38:41,686 THAT'S HOW I GOT TO KNOW YOU. 820 00:38:41,752 --> 00:38:48,526 WHY IS IT PARDON FOR YOU TO BE LENARD McKELVEY, THE NAME YOU 821 00:38:48,592 --> 00:38:52,329 GREW UP WITH IN MONK'S CORNER IN SOUTH CAROLINA. 822 00:38:52,396 --> 00:38:54,398 >> IT'S SOMETHING THAT GROUNDS ME. 823 00:38:54,465 --> 00:38:55,166 I GO TO MY THERAPIST A LOT AND TALK ABOUT GETTING CAUGHT UP IN 824 00:38:55,232 --> 00:38:56,934 THE CARICATURE OF YOURSELF. 825 00:38:57,001 --> 00:39:00,538 I THINK IT'S ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO BE IN THIS BUSINESS AND NOT 826 00:39:00,604 --> 00:39:03,040 BE CAUGHT UP IN BEING A CARICATURE OF YOURSELF. 827 00:39:03,107 --> 00:39:07,611 >> Stephen: YOU HAVE TO LIVE UP TO THE EXPECTATION. 828 00:39:07,678 --> 00:39:08,612 >> EXANGTLY. 829 00:39:08,679 --> 00:39:12,316 WHEN YOU READ ABOUT YOURSELF IN BLOGS AND STUFF. 830 00:39:12,383 --> 00:39:15,720 YOU SAY THAT'S WHAT YOU LIKE I'LL GIVE YOU MORE OF THAT. 831 00:39:15,786 --> 00:39:21,525 WHEN I HEAR LENARD McKELVEY, I HEAR MY MOTHER, MY GRANDMOTHER, 832 00:39:21,592 --> 00:39:23,294 MY WIFE. 833 00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:25,596 NOBODY CALLS ME CHARLEMAGNE. 834 00:39:25,663 --> 00:39:30,968 WE HAD WILL SMITH ON "THE BREAKFAST CLUB," JANUARY OF OF 835 00:39:31,035 --> 00:39:32,103 LAST YEAR. 836 00:39:32,169 --> 00:39:34,672 WE READ MY BOOK AND HE WAS TALKING TO ME AND HE SAID,"I'M 837 00:39:34,739 --> 00:39:36,640 SEEING THE REAL YOU POKE OUT." 838 00:39:36,707 --> 00:39:40,177 HE WAS LIKE, "I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW YOU DON'T HAVE TO WEAR THE 839 00:39:40,244 --> 00:39:41,112 MASK ANYMORE. 840 00:39:41,178 --> 00:39:42,012 YOU ARE ENOUGH." 841 00:39:42,079 --> 00:39:45,049 AND I WAS LIKE, "ARE YOU TAPPING MY PHONE? 842 00:39:45,116 --> 00:39:49,019 IS MY THERAPIST-- IS MY THERAPIST GIVING YOU NOTES ON 843 00:39:49,086 --> 00:39:50,121 ME? 844 00:39:50,187 --> 00:39:51,989 HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?" I FELT LIKE THAT WAS GOD TALKING 845 00:39:52,056 --> 00:39:55,359 THROUGH HIM AT THAT MOMENT TO LET ME KNOW, YOU KNOW WHAT? 846 00:39:55,426 --> 00:39:56,594 YOU'RE ON THE RIGHT PATH. 847 00:39:56,660 --> 00:40:01,298 YOU DON'T HAVE TO WEAR THE MASK ANYMORE. 848 00:40:01,365 --> 00:40:02,433 LENARD IS ENOUGH. 849 00:40:02,500 --> 00:40:04,201 >> Stephen: YOU KNOW WHAT I CALL THAT, A HAPPY ACCIDENT. 850 00:40:04,268 --> 00:40:06,904 >> A HAPPY ACCIDENT. 851 00:40:06,971 --> 00:40:08,639 >> Stephen: "THA GOD'S HONEST TRUTH WITH CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD" 852 00:40:08,706 --> 00:40:14,245 AIRS FRIDAYS AT 10:00 P.M. ON COMEDY CENTRAL AND STREAMS ON 853 00:40:14,311 --> 00:40:15,346 PARAMOUNT+. 854 00:40:15,412 --> 00:40:16,614 CHECK IT OUT Y'ALL. 855 00:40:16,680 --> 00:40:19,016 CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD, EVERYBODY WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 856 00:40:24,488 --> 00:40:25,556 THAT'S IT FOR THE LATE SHOW." 857 00:40:25,623 --> 00:40:29,326 TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN MY GUEST WILL BE THE STAR OF HBO'S 858 00:40:29,393 --> 00:40:31,295 "INSECURE," ISSA RAE. 859 00:40:31,362 --> 00:40:32,963 JAMES CORDEN IS NEXT. 860 00:40:33,030 --> 00:40:34,031 GOOD NIGHT.